#2945 RHOC S19E03: Setting the Recording Straight

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Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker joining me today in his beautiful rose-colored glasses.

Ronnie Karam.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

Hello.

How are you?

How is the healing going?

How's the bruising?

Pretty good.

I mean, it's still pretty bruised up.

Hopefully, I think next week, no matter what, I'm going to stop wearing these glasses.

But for now, I look like I'm wearing bruised eye makeup.

You're

in you're in character for a role.

So today we are talking about the one and only Orange County

starring Katie Janella, who I think is supposed to be maybe a villain, but for some reason, well, not for too hard of a reason.

We're all rooting for her.

I'm rooting for her, I should say.

I won't speak for you, but I'm like, I'm totally team Katie on this show.

I'm not really rooting for her.

I'm just rooting against the people who are trying to persecute her.

I think her crimes are no worse than anyone else's on this show, and I stand by it.

Yeah, yeah.

So why don't we get right into it, shall we?

Oh, we should do a reminder.

Our next Amazon Live is going to be this Monday, where we have an Amazon Live this Monday, and it'll be the following Monday.

And then when we're going to ultimately settle into a schedule of one Monday will be Krappens on Demand, the next one, not Krapens on Demand,

Crappy Hour, and then the other Monday will be Amazon Live.

So we'll alternate between them, but we're sort of working with a funky little schedule here for the time being.

But please come join us because we had way too much fun playing around on that thing.

So that was great.

That's going to be at four o'clock on Monday.

And then after that, we're actually going to have a crappy hour at 5.30.

So I should say those are both West Coast timings.

Obviously, adjust for whichever time zone you are in.

Join us for both and we'll have a great

afternoon.

We're going to have fun.

And it's going to be like, we're going to be so different by Monday because this weekend, I'm going to see Beyonce.

And we're going to see together the Backstreet Boys in Las Vegas.

It's a Las Vegas Subafia.

So I'm

going to Cowboy Carter tomorrow.

Yes.

Tomorrow I'm doing cowboy.

cowboy stuff already.

I've been trying to grow my mustache or what.

I don't even know what I'm going to do.

I don't know.

I'm so excited.

It's going to be the gayest weekend of all time.

Beyonce followed by the Backstreet Boys.

I mean, that's some gay shit.

I want to fly there on a penis.

Okay.

You're going to be exhausted.

Two concerts in a row.

I don't know how you're going to.

It's very unlike me.

I can't imagine.

It's very unlike me.

Public spaces and all, but I'm going.

I can't wait.

Okay.

So for now, we have...

Real housewives of Orange County.

We got our taglines.

I don't think that's a lot, right?

So I didn't put any.

Well, I guess we could just rename this there.

I was going to play a game and say, like, try to guess who they are, but it's not like they're

fun.

But I like doing it in their voices.

So

what do you want to start with?

You want to start or do you want me to start?

I'll start.

Sure.

No, you start.

Okay.

You start.

No, you start.

I don't care.

Okay.

I'll start.

But I don't know who this one.

Oh, I think I know.

This one's Jen first.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your game's great, by the way.

Life can be.

Like, who was this?

That's Jen.

I've announced who it is before we guessed.

Yeah.

Life can be hard, but like, so are my abs.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

For once, the only dogs in my life are golden retrievers.

Heather saying, I may not be your cup of tea.

No, bring you

why this game is tricky.

You already lost a point.

Okay, Ben lost a point.

I lost a point.

Well, because Heather has been.

doing the espresso martini thing, but so has been Emily's also been, they both have decided to get really into espresso martinis this season, right?

But I guess Emily more.

Okay, sorry, let me redo.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I'll bring you an espresso martini.

Yes, you got that one correct.

And also, um, in this game, for this actual clue, we are deciding this is why this person needs to finally get kicked off the show.

When your entire line is about liking an espresso martini, I'm done with you, Emily.

Get Emily off the show.

Okay, next is:

um,

I love life in the hills, so I always take the high road.

I own the high road.

Um, I just want to say, well, that's obviously Heather DeBreau.

I just also want to say we, we need to, before we go on to the next one, life can be hard, but so are my abs.

Okay, I think that's an okay one from Jen.

I don't love it.

I think she could do better.

For once, the only dogs in my life are golden retrievers.

I think that's a decent one from Shannon.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I'll bring you an espresso martini.

That's a fail on Emily's Emily's front.

Yeah.

And I think I love Life in the Hills, so I always take the high road.

I actually like that one.

Not that it's true, but I think that's good, like wordplay.

Like, I love Life in the Hills.

I always take the high road.

That's clever.

I give clever points to that one.

Okay.

I may work in real estate, but that doesn't mean I'm buying what you're sealing.

I think that's a great point.

I'm going to talk about what you're selling.

Because I don't know.

Has Gina sold any houses yet?

Do we know i think there's some way to find out i'm my guess is no

i'm gonna say no um but i think this is a great line because it's a it's good wordplay and i also believe that gina is not buying anything yeah she's like i i can't afford that

gina literally says this every time in a marshalls i'm not buying what you're selling they're like we know you've been denied the credit card again yeah So I'm not buying what you sell.

Okay.

Well, please leave.

Get out of the line then.

Can I just get these jelly beans?

No, you didn't get credit here.

I'll pay cash.

No, you're not going to pay cash either.

Your kid is running out.

There's six children running out with jelly beans.

Get them.

I feel mad.

So then we have Katie's, which is, I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but my truth.

I don't know if you know about this.

The original one was, I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but my truth, and then apologized for my truth because I lied a little bit about my truth.

And

I also lied about the lie.

And the apology was actually a second apology because I didn't actually fully tell the truth the second time.

I wish that Katie's tagline was, how dare you?

I will come for you.

And that was Shannon's yelling at people backstage.

I want

recording.

I want Katie's tagline to be, she left her grilled cheese.

Yes, like back in the day when they were just recorded actual snippets from the show instead of

that audio.

Yeah,

that would have been good.

She left her grilled cheese.

Uh,

so then is um, I'm taking a hard look in the mirror, and my reflection is he'll still hot, bitch,

hottest house life in Orange County, bitch.

Old the bird.

I love that they showed that bird who called Tamara old.

That shit was funny.

It was a good call.

I know.

So, Katie and Gina start at the nail tech.

Gina is in a sad sweatsuit.

Also known as a standard Gina outfit.

And there's actually like two fanny packs sewn together over her chest.

I don't know.

Yeah, she looks.

I think

they're going to get some sort of scalp treatment, whatever it is.

I actually, this is the first thing in a long time where I'm like, I kind of would like to do that.

Not that I have.

like a big head of hair, but I think I just want a big old head massage.

And this place looked like a great place to do it.

Well, they have the head massage thing you know the little the little thing that looks like the the metal things like the claw massage i love that yeah i love that it also looks like tamara's hand

so they're there for a deep clean of the scalp and gina's like well i'll tell you what they're gonna find in me so romantic you know they're gonna find like a lot of old shampoo yeah so look at this where we just made up and we're already going for it already going for the like deep sea skill

gina stop trying to rebrand your dandruff as as dry shampoo we know it's not dry shampoo it's dandruff okay we get it

so katie's like i'll try anything these girls want to get them back on my side even a super expensive spade

and she needs it

yeah And Gina's like, you know, I've accepted Katie's apology, but like trust has to be built up all the time.

And she has to buy me a lot of things

that's really all it is she just is she just she just needs some free shit and then she'll be on your side again yeah that's how she is that's how she became friends with heather so uh katie is saying that she's on an apology tour and she's just really glad that you didn't bring emily to sneak up on me this time she's like oh yeah sorry about that

so then we cut to emily who is talking to her dog who's named after a fast food sandwich place togo and she's like togo go upstairs upstairs.

Mama's got a Togo in her purse.

Oh, I'm a classic.

She may also, the dog may be named after a country in Western Africa.

You never know.

Emily is a very worldly person, but probably.

Emily named that after a damn sandwich shop, and we all know it.

Or

her favorite form of eating dinner.

Togo, please.

So

something

has been begging producers for, as far as as Emily's concerned, now, for six years.

For her.

Tamara comes over.

She's like, hey, Patch, is that a dog or a coyote back there?

It's a dog I'm pasturing.

She's a cattle dog.

She hides.

I'm like, she doesn't hide.

She just has good tastes.

She's with the audience.

Yeah, otherwise known as an audience dog.

Okay.

Yeah.

This is a Nielsen dog.

Would you please read it?

So Tamara's like, I'm just so tired, tired from life.

Life is just so hard.

Yesterday pushed me over the edge, over the edge.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Life is so hard when you have to go to a free hot pot meal and get talked to by an angry blonde lady.

So Emily's like, yeah, what did you think when Gretchen came in?

Why did you threw me over the edge of stupid bitch?

Emily, pay attention.

That's what I'm talking about.

I mean, I wanted to say you look like an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras.

I'm like, you realize you all look like that, right?

You realize you all go to the same hairdresser.

You all have the same hair.

Okay.

Gretchen really does, though.

I mean, Tamara's not wrong on that.

And Emily's like, she's just really upset about your podcast.

So we see a clip of Tamara showing the ladies a clip of, or playing a clip of her podcast where she was saying, yeah, yeah, of course, they'd lost the son of that sad and stuff, but Michelle lost everything.

And Gretchen got a chunk of money.

And Michelle went through GoFundMe to pay for services.

How fair is that?

How fair is that?

don't think by the way if that's true that is not that is in fact not fair at fuck at all that slade would get to you know get away with this if that's true

i don't know if i love the sentence by tamara well yes slade lost a son but michelle lost everything like we're gonna act we're not gonna act like a son is a pillow or like a coupon that was discarded like that's a major fucking deal but i don't know enough about this situation

and i also By the way, don't worry about it.

But Michelle lost his son too, and she also lost everything because

he's not paying his child.

He's not paid for anything for the son, was the allegation.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't care.

I don't think Tamara should butt it into it.

And I don't think that Tamara is like, I don't think that.

Tamara can be like, oh my God, here comes Gretchen again, complaining about the same things for this past decade when Tamara's the one inserting herself into something that she really should not be inserting herself into because it's like, it deals with like real, real shit and not like you know petty you know reality star shit

yeah um yeah agreed you know it's like a kid dying let's just like stay away from that yeah agree and it's tamara yeah like even if the even if what she's saying is completely true and slate is gross and all of that uh the messenger is tamara so you know yeah look in your own backyard madame let them fight that battle okay you don't have to bring that into your two teas in the pod.

So we cut back to the other ladies and Gina's like, yeah, that wasn't right a camera but like gretchen where he commented on cameras like of joy's facebook and i was like really really hot on camera i was like really hurtful

I mean, she went to my daddy's Facebook.

She's a miner.

She went to a miner's Facebook page.

Emily's like, I didn't know she worked in the mines.

I thought mining was always over and dead.

Yeah, she did.

She got black lung now.

She did that.

She commented.

She was just down there trying to find some rare metals.

And she's and gretchen's writing comments on a facebook page what did she comment stop coughing we're trying to read

miner did she say something like why are you bring a bird down there anyway not a good place for canaries

I mean, look, there's, there's like moments, you know, oh, because Tamara's like, oh, can you imagine Katie doing that to Annabelle?

What if Katie was texting, was, was commenting on Annabelle stuff?

Okay.

She wasn't a five-year-old miner.

She was a like the 16-year-old.

Like, she wasn't that much of a minor.

So what would you feel?

How would you feel like if she was texting your newborn baby?

It's just like she tried to do to me.

Oh, my God.

I mean, I think whether she was a minor or not a minor, I actually don't think Gretchen should have written that comment either.

I think it was just like, Gretchen, don't, just don't be messy on the kids' Facebook page.

Like, just don't do that.

Like.

You have so many better, you have better avenues for doing this.

This is going to be a losing battle no matter what.

I think, you know, both of them just Gretchen and tamara are really out of control but i'm on team gretchen on this one i have to say yeah

me too

so then um emily's like well you know there's moments it can be fun and lighthearted and she goes yeah but then i get team dust by team with you

That's Emily's way of saying like, well, to be fair, I have actually commented on several minors' Facebook page.

I just want to say, but I do it in the funny way.

Gretchen didn't do it in the funny way.

I just want to say that in case anyone wants to drag out any comments that I've written.

Yeah, true.

So then we go back to the salon or whatever and or the spa and Jen's like,

oh no, no, now we go to a restaurant.

So Jen's going to go to a restaurant with Heather and I guess Shannon.

And Heather is dressed, it looks like they're in a pub.

And Heather comes dressed in like a glitter

blazer.

Like, are you going to the Oscars, ma'am?

Can you just have a casual lunch?

I am wearing what the working people wear when they are off of their work and are no longer working and now are going to sit back and throw something back.

And they wear glitter to celebrate the end of a workday.

Hard work, it is.

Feet are sore.

Anyway, hello, barkeep.

What does an espresso martini look like in these parts?

Do you have gold leaf?

Will there be diamonds on the side?

A bump of caviar?

Like, wow, it's just Kahlua in a glass.

Oh,

and the waiter's like, don't worry, there's no dairy in this one.

It's purely dark.

It's like, oh, good, good, good.

I will try the espresso martini in these parts.

i am such a miranda am i not oh god i love being with my girlfriends so shannon walks in she says well everyone i'm in leggings because i'm single

you wouldn't know it though because i'm about to bring in a parade of love hotel alumni oh

and then we find out that katie has sent shannon an apology text she's very

and uh she's hurting right now she's hurting and gina's like yeah it's violating i mean it's bad but she'll get over it you know, and Shannon.

Well, everyone, here assembled at Ye Old Bennigan's, well, she texted me, Kitty, that is, and it set me off.

It set me straight off.

Because I told her not to say sorry, but I said just yesterday, I said, don't say sorry, but.

Don't say sorry, but, unless, of course, you have sat in some gum and you say, sorry, but I didn't mean to have a stick some gum in you.

Anyway, but she said, she said, no one heard the recording, and I don't even give a fuck.

Can I see that in this pub?

yes you may working people are here I don't give a fuck because I know someone heard it well I called Alexis I called Alexis I called Alexis I called Alexis hold on hold on anger face because my friend interacted with Alexis Bellino but retracted anger face because I realize you're on my side on this one okay continue She said that she played it at a lunch with Jen and Katie and that it was played.

It was played.

And Jen's like, um, no, no, I don't remember that.

I was at a lunch and and I don't remember this text ever being played I just it didn't happen

so Katie's like Katie tells us um she's like I've never been alone with Heather I mean Jen was definitely there but which is funny is that Katie suddenly is that Katie saying I did have a lunch with Alexis and Jen and I did play it there because I'm like you're kind of in you're you're you're you're rude.

That's what she was saying.

But maybe she, she didn't technically say that.

So maybe she just means she was there when I told her about it.

told her

but you know katie does lie all the time so i don't know what i think katie got together with him and played this thing thinking it was going to be hilarious and jen doesn't want to be any part of it and alexis decided not to use it so she doesn't get her ass sued for illegal recordings or something yeah and by the way i'm sure it was hilarious i'm sure it was a hilarious recording and let's not lose sight of that i would have loved to have heard that recording Yeah, me too.

She should have.

Well, we have heard versions of it over the years because it's Shannon.

So it was like Shannon does those five times a season at least.

So, including at the end of this episode.

So, yes,

we can, we can, and her hair is always pulled back into a ponytail every single time, too.

Isn't that funny?

She's got like a habit of like, you know, Shannon's ready to go to battle when she pulls her hair back and she comes in, like, Andy, you, you are the worst person.

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So, uh, Heather's like, I believe Jen.

She doesn't remember things.

Jen is stupid.

So, I completely

believe that she didn't hear it.

I mean, she goes into Neiman Marcus's and buys dresses she can't even afford.

And then I watch her do it.

She's so dumb.

So, they're like, Yeah, recording that audio of Shannon wasn't nice.

And Heather's like, Oh, there is no coming back from that.

There is a no

coming back.

And Shannon says, Well, she said she didn't do it on video.

Like, that matters.

Oh, there's no coming back.

Katie has crossed so many

lines.

So many lines.

She has crossed as many lines as I have read in auditions over the years because I'm a working actress.

Thank you very much.

So Jenny's Tamara.

Tamara's crossed lines.

Tamara's not an actress.

How dare you say that?

Oh, she's like, well, I'm not Tamara's keeper.

Well, I'm not Katie's keeper, but do you just give her grace because you're in a safer space?

Why do you give Tamra so much space?

I don't know where this Jen came from.

This is great.

I love Jen doing this.

I love Jen reminding everyone who the real villain is here.

It's not Katie doing

an audio recording of Shannon having one of her five million meltdowns.

It's Tamara.

And Heather's like, oh,

hold on.

Let me do a big flop of my hand.

Okay, my hand is to the right and let's flop it over to the left.

I'm not scared.

I'm not scared.

I just slammed dunked a basketball into my espresso martini.

I'm not scared.

I'm not scared.

Not scared.

So when we go back to tamara i'm just held to a different standard than everybody else it's okay for katie but what did i what what i did last season i'm the devil i'm the devil oh they're baiting me ryan ryan posted suit about suing me and so if i say anything he's gonna sue me and my lawyer said that's baiting and i shouldn't be around him so i'm not gonna be around him no just

maybe don't slander him

you fucking crazy person

is this when she is like i'm when she says i'm held to a different stand standard or whatever, at one point they like move the screen over and they show Tamra putting on the FBI hat and basically like the FBI was at his house, whatever.

There is honestly, I'm sorry, there is a massive difference between saying, hey, the FBI was at Ryan's house and he's like basically saying he's implicated in this scandal that's going on in the sports world versus Katie recording.

a voice memo.

I'm not saying that what Katie did was good.

I'm not saying it's not violating, but you cannot put the, you can't act like Tamara's like, oh, it was just some small thing.

She rear-ended a Jumba Juice truck.

Like it's not like, it's like Tamara, what you did was, was a significant, significant thing.

This is a villainous act.

Yeah, well, she does it all the time where she just kind of minimizes her own thing, you know?

It's, yeah, that's how she rolls.

It's like, well, what'll I do?

What'll I do?

So then we go back to the other ladies and Heather's like, announcement, announcement.

Ding, ding, ding.

I would like to ding on this very dark espresso martini that Barkeep has made me.

Ding, ding, ding.

I'm having a birthday party for myself.

Like, oh, well, that's not really surprising.

Sam's like, wow, that was a month ago, your birthday.

So, well, I don't like celebrating after the holidays because everyone's fat and gross and poor.

So I decided to have it in a month where people are less disgusting looking.

You know, in January, you know, that's when Wendy Malc's back on the sidewalk with her pam be like, give me some dollars.

I spent everything on a toy for my child.

No one wants to see that.

So I told Tamara I'm inviting Jen, but then she said her attorney said not to be around Ryan.

So I'm not telling you I don't want you to un-invite Ryan, but maybe talk to Ryan and see if he has other things to do instead.

And Jen's like, oh, oh, well, then you chose Tamara because that is my husband.

And I had to sit there and argue.

that my kids are in a safe house and that I wasn't raided by the FBI and I had to pay for lawyers that I couldn't afford because your friend, your friend said we were raided by the FBI.

That woman has caused, who is Jen right now?

This was amazing.

Where were we

did this even come from?

And I even gave her.

I didn't even believe the amount of Wavos to go against Heather like that.

I loved it.

It was so good.

I even gave her a pass about saying that Ryan was her husband because that's not true.

But like when she's like, this woman has cost me so much pain and she doesn't want to come around by Ryan.

Fuck her.

And I was like, oh, okay.

All right.

You're making the espresso martini mad espresso martinis are kind of my thing wait hold on one second what was that emo has a tagline about espresso martinis i'm not saying for this

that woman caused so much pain so she doesn't want to come to be around ryan well

her

and then someone next to them is like oh you go girl and she's like sorry she's sorry She's like, I'm sorry.

But you know what?

Uninvite me.

Uninvite me.

Why do you side with her?

Why do you lower yourself?

I thought you took the high road.

Oh, well, oh, well, you were not supposed to know that was my line, but that's fine.

Just walk that.

That's bullshit.

Are you not lowering yourself by being with someone who videotaped a friend?

It's like, you cannot.

You cannot make this equivalency.

That's not the scene.

You are the company you keep.

It's like, well, yes.

And I suppose if that's true, I guess I keep company with Drake.

He does live around the corner from me.

So thank you for that.

I have so many Grammys.

Thank you.

And do you know what, Jen?

If you judge me for my friendships, what does that say about you and yours?

And she goes, that's not fair.

She goes, then I'll invite everyone.

And may the chips fall where they may.

Where they fall, where they may.

Let them fall where they may.

I don't care.

Because we have maids that can pick up all the chips.

Don't you worry.

If it's a Pringles, if it's a Ruffles, let it fall on the floor.

That's what the working people are for.

Yeah.

So Katie is at home with her sons and dads, and she is kind of an odd mom because she says things like this.

Honey, do you want to come into the kitchen?

We're eating dip.

that's it

like fucking forest weight watchers dip i'm getting dip

uh kids it's dip time last year gavin split the year with me and his dad and now he's here and i never see him he's always gone anyway so they said this is a kind of a boring scene because it's a katie home scene like who needs that nobody so she's basically talking about how one of her sons still doesn't live with her her but one of her sons decided to come back and live so now the other son wants to come live back here and she's going to feel like her family's all back together again and she talks about the custody battle um starting 11 years ago and how she had to give up custody because she had nothing after her divorce she was cut off from everything and so it made sense for her to let the kids stay in their home and go to school in their district because their life is basically more important than hers, which, you know, the way she explains it is like, I basically made sacrifices for my kids' sake.

And she's like, and for that to be used against me is shit.

And I feel like a woman should uplift fellow women for what they survived, you know, and not tear them down for their mistakes or whatever.

Yeah, I think that's a fair point.

I think it's a very fair point.

Yeah.

And there was something else.

I was confused.

She said her son, the one who's there, the older son, he'd spend his time in San Diego.

Because they had a house in San Diego, but then they also had a house in this OC.

I know this was an issue on on the reunion.

I just don't remember the details.

I think that's where the husband has a house.

Right.

So the kids had the choice.

And so the kid chose to be in one place for the summers and one place for the school year, but now he's choosing to come back to her for the school year.

But that leaves the other son in, that leaves them separated.

So.

That's what we find out.

Now we go to Emily and Shane, and they're having a date.

They're going to go to, as far as I can tell, is this the West Coast opening of Club Club?

because it's it's a it's a bowling alley and there's beverages and the lighting is cool is it club club did someone to george and mccann you are on to something well this isn't a bowling alley and a club this is a bowling alley and a tavern it's called tavern plus bowl

bowl bowler is it really was it really called tavern plus bowl yeah tavern plus bowl

tavern plus bowl

So, part

six.

This dork brought his own bowling shoes.

And Shane's like, Yes, yes, I did.

I am a bowler, as I will prove to you.

So, uh, it's going to be a three-couple date with Gina and Travis, Emily, and Shane, and Shannon, and

Adam, the man

from Love Hotel.

A man who will love to wear a scarf at the least expected moment.

so shannon's like well he was on the love hotel and i eliminated him oh

but he's six years younger than me and he wants kids again so that's not happening here that is not happening here

Well, I don't know why she broke up with Earl.

Something I heard about that there was a storm system heading towards Georgia, but this one is a matching bowling shirt, and so they're both equally nuts.

Now, call me crazy.

I don't, it's, I don't think it's that crazy to wear a bowling shirt to bowling.

I'm just gonna imagine.

Bowling shirts is a little weird.

It's like, I feel like that's what like middle-aged couples do all the time.

I would do it.

I'd wear a matching bowling shirt.

I'm like, I'm middle-aged.

I'm excited.

Who anything that happens, she's like, isn't this insane?

We're on TV right now.

And then Gina's like, oh, I'm going to prove what a good friend I am to Shannon.

So I'm going to really grill this guy.

So, like, when was your last serious relationship?

You a big drinker, you got a temper, you even killed, you even killed?

Because I'm not gonna tolerate another John Jansen situation.

Like, I don't even care if I have to stay all night in Grella.

I'm like, I'm gonna do it.

You early birds, you late night.

You got a schedule, you got a retirement plan.

Do you believe we landed on the moon?

We didn't land on the moon.

After you make fun of someone, do you feel bad?

So then

Travis is,

he's like, or Trevor, Trevor, Travis, I always forget his name.

He's like, he's like, honey, you're acting like our dog.

Sorry, I feel mean.

So she pulls off and everything.

And Shannon's like, look, okay.

I intend to make it clear that I have nothing to say to Katie ever, ever again.

Except for later in this episode when I will actually yell at her quite a bit of it.

But anyway,

oh, wow, I'm going to crash.

I'm gonna crash when I get home.

That's oh, no, Shane.

That's what I was saying.

That was my bad.

Shane goes up to Shana goes, God, you're really gonna crash and you get home.

Too soon, Shane.

Too soon.

Shane, think about the words.

Think about the words.

Shannon's like, oh, this is just our first stop.

We're going from here to the quiet lady, the quiet woman.

And we've got lots of places to go.

So we go to Jen, a Jen home scene, talking to her kid about sports.

And he got in trouble because he's talking too much in PE.

And Ryan loved that.

Is that good for you?

I didn't know you had to be silent in PE.

I feel like PE, like, maybe it's like, okay, kids, this is how you climb the rope.

And he guessed he was talking through that part.

But I was like, I feel like PE is actually one of the louder classes where you can talk and whatnot.

And it's also like run by.

Is this called jumping yaks?

No, it's not jumping yaks.

It's jumping jacks.

Ryan.

So

Ryan's like, you know being a stepdad is hard um it's you know like you know you because they already have a dad who doesn't even wear paint splatter on his denim jackets and i just wish he was more hands-on and he's not and you know because they live on a roof but everything's cool everything's totally cool you can see ryan biting his tongue to be like this fucking guy's a douchebag i hate him and this is for me ryan is calling someone a douchebag Yeah, Ryan's like, well, he's a terrible father, so I try to fill in when I can, but it sucks.

So Dawson comes home and he's met a recruiter and he's joining the Marines.

And Jen's like, no, he didn't even ask me.

The conversation was, I'm joining the Marines.

So that's great.

And so she's talking to him.

She's like, so this is the path you want, honey?

You're really sure?

And he's like, yep.

And he's like, yeah, you know, like the only thing is like they say like the hardest part is like the mental part.

I just want like the training to hurry up.

I mean, isn't this kid?

always like in trouble and stuff.

He's got another thing coming to him if he thinks this is the easy road.

Dumb.

Yeah, Yeah, if you think that, like, uh, the train, he's like, I just want the training to hurry up.

I'm like, I don't know much about being a soldier.

I, I applaud the people who have gone down this path, but my feeling is that after the training is over, it's still going to be hard.

I've never

hurry up.

It's going to be hard.

I've never met a soldier or a family member of a soldier who's like, oh my God, thank God he took the easy route and became a soldier.

Oh, God.

It's a cakewalk.

God,

so pleasant being deployed.

So,

so, but then here's what gets crazy.

So it's just like a standard scene.

He's going to the Marines, like, okay, okay, okay.

And then Jen goes, oh, by the way, did you sign Harrison's school loan with your dad?

And he's like, yeah.

And you're like, what?

And then

she says, because I don't feel comfortable co-signing with your dad, but you did.

And it turns out that Harrison, who is an older son, who was like 21 or something, needed like a school loan.

And so the dad had Dawson, who's 18, co-sign on a school loan.

I was like,

I was like, I wasn't even sure if I was really even hearing this or seeing this correctly at first.

I was like, is that possible?

Like someone,

you're having the younger son who's still in high school.

First of all, you're allowed to do that.

And then you're going to have the younger son who's still in high school co-sign on it, sign on it.

I guess on spec that this kid was going into the Marines and was going to be earning a salary.

That is shitty.

That is so shitty and terrible.

And so the dad didn't co-sign at all.

He just made the son do it?

I'm so confused.

I don't, I don't know.

Did the dad and the son both co-sign?

I don't understand why there needs to be two.

Because I thought, I took it at first that the dad had the son, because she said, I don't feel comfortable co-signing with your dad, but so he made you do it.

Meaning that the dad co-signed and the son co-signed for the other son's loan.

So does that mean now there's three people on the loan?

Did the dad just

need enough credit to do it himself?

So he needed somebody.

Like, I don't know.

I don't know.

It must have been.

All I know is I would just never,

like, never like make your son co-sign the loan for your other son.

And then now, now Dawson is basically on the,

he's on the hook for all this stuff.

And they, you know, Ryan lays it all out.

Like you have more debt than you have income coming in.

That's going to show on this one if you want to buy stuff.

And Dawson's like, yeah, that's cool.

I was like, oh, that's, this is so shitty.

And Ryan is basically at the end of the scene when Dawson leaves, Ryan's like, Yeah, I would never do that.

Like, that's, I can't imagine that.

I would put my kid in that spot.

Yeah, that's

that's so shitty.

Yep.

So then Heather goes out with Tamara, and they go to this place with parrots all over the place for whatever reason.

Madagascar, there's a restaurant called Madagascar.

It's a very global spot in Orange County.

So Tamara comes in.

She's like, Oh, it's such a can.

Hey, buddy.

Oh, you're the mean one.

I remember you.

You caught me old one here.

And I laughed.

But then they actually show a clip from 2017 where she's coming in and you just hear, old.

She's like, did you just call me old?

Stupid mud.

Call it like I see it.

Like I see it.

Bop, I'm Gochie.

Nice to meet you.

Bob.

I'm a guy everywhere.

She's everywhere.

So Heather's like,

I want some champagne.

But, but, barkeep, can we please have some regular wine glasses instead of champagne glasses?

Thank you.

That's how we're doing it now.

That's how we're doing it now.

Tell the other boars.

Tell the other boys.

Oh, my goodness.

God.

Wow, Tamara, you've been so calm lately.

What's your secret?

So she's like, life is so sad.

So she talks about therapy, but she talks about Teddy and she's looking at videos with Teddy.

And she's like, and I'm in so many of those videos.

So many videos with Teddy.

There was a feeling, I was like, are you low-key trying to jockey for position with Kyle?

You're competing with Kyle Richards right now, aren't you?

I feel like, I kind of feel like there's like an element where like Kyle gets all the credit for being Teddy's best friend.

Like they just had a glamour, I think it was Glamour magazine.

They had a whole spread about like with the two of them and everything for what Teddy's going through.

And I feel like Tamara, I get the sense that Tamara's like, hello.

I'm also her best friend.

And I talk with her and work with her every single day of the week.

And I'm getting no credit for this.

And Kyle Richards is stealing all their friend credit in this situation.

You know, it's so hard, everything going on with Teddy.

I was going through the Instagram and thinking how I'm the friend who's on every single post.

And I scrolled, and I scrolled, and I scrolled, and I scrolled.

And finally, on page 18, I got to Kyle Richards.

And I thought, wow, Teddy could use more phone calls from her, probably.

She happened to have

my childhood, Sydney.

I'm crying all the time.

Oh, when did you go to Sydney?

No, that's my daughter, bitch.

Oh, yes, I definitely paid attention.

I can't wait to see.

She's the one who erased me.

But I can see you.

Sorry, hard to see you over all my hotline bling.

I am the company that I keep.

Drake.

So she's like, you are doing the work on yourself.

It's like every time I see a maid vacuuming herself in my basement, I'm like, you are doing the work on yourself.

i just love the image of a maid vacuuming herself good for you putting in the work

terry's like why is there a maid vacuuming herself i told her to do the work on herself

she took it literally

So Heather is really trying to sell this newfound version of Tamara to us.

She's like, I have never seen Tamara go through so much emotionality.

She's so balanced.

She's so thoughtful.

And listen, Tamara, I'm talking to you now, not the audience.

I told Jen, when are you going to give Tamara some grace?

Aren't we sick of seeing Grace under fire?

I'm not, because a very good actress named Heather Dubrow was on there.

Where is that show anyway?

Bring it back.

Heather under fire.

Dubrow under fire.

Wow, I don't know about that.

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So Heather's like, and now you just hear

over my dead body.

Over my dead body.

Oh, that two cat has met Grace Butler.

Was that her name?

No.

I think her name is.

I was going to say Rhett Butler, but that's the gone with the wind.

Maybe that's Grace Butler.

Butler.

Damn it.

What was her name?

I don't know who she is.

She didn't survive the 90s the way I did.

But

I'm sure she's had great fun auditioning for Brett Butler.

Yeah.

Grace Kelly.

Under 5.

Was her name Grace Kelly?

I guess so.

Yeah.

God, I really fucked myself up.

Okay, the recap's over.

I need time for my brain to heal from all the information I just learned about this early 90s sitcom.

Anyway, as I was telling my dear friend, the lady with the blue eyeshadow on that Drew show,

it's hard.

It's very hard.

And we need to give Tamara some grace.

Well, I started by telling her about not drinking champagne glasses out of flutes.

I wanted her to make that mistake.

God bless her heart.

She's got it hard enough over there.

Drinking a lot of cream out of that espresso martini.

Anyway, I don't like it.

I brought up the party and I mentioned Ryan to Jen, and Tamra's like, oh.

Yeah, just tell him not to bring him.

My lawyer said so.

Well, I told everyone to bring their significant others.

So, you know, it's starting a war.

I told this person can bring someone.

That conversion can bring someone.

Slam Duncan to the table.

You know.

Heather is playing with fire here.

And of course, she started it out by Tamra.

I just want to say how proud I am of you.

You've grown so much.

Jen's boyfriend's coming to the party.

Wait, did they get married?

Oh, no, maybe they

remember a small ceremony.

I don't remember.

No,

there's they maybe they want to have a small ceremony.

Did they get a I don't think they eloped.

I think that like, remember that she was trying on wedding bikinis recently?

Oh, right, right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so um, Tamara's like, is it, is his friendship better than mine?

This hurts my feelings, and we all know what happens when my feelings get hurt.

Listen, listen, it's gonna be a big party.

You don't have to see her.

It's gonna be a lot of people.

My friends, the Terlottis, who own the winery, will be there.

Richard Marks, we're letting him out at the basement.

He'll sing some songs.

It'll be a chill dancing vibe.

I mean, there'll be some upbeat jams by Michael Bouble.

Sure, but if you see Ryan, just ignore him.

Easy as pie.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I know for a fact that Eddie won't go to your party.

Cause Eddie's not conserved for that.

Oh, no.

What are we going to to do at a party without your protein fart fucking

charisma bundled husband?

Who cares if he's not going to come?

What is Eddie Eddie?

Anything?

The life of the party, Eddie.

God, it'll be so sad without him there.

Let me judge.

So we go to Terry and Heather.

She is this where they're getting ready for the party, I think.

So they're getting ready.

And Terry's like, so how much is this party compared to the no boo party?

She's like, more.

And he's like, well, how much?

More?

Two times, three times?

I'll say four times.

He's like, that was $45,000, Heather.

Yeah.

Well, Richard Marks, breathing stem cells into Richard Marks doesn't come cheap.

Luckily, Daisy Fuentes says she's going to chip in.

So

then we go to Jen and Ryan, and Jen's like, I mean, if we see Hammer, just like no allocations talk.

He's like, I'm not going to talk to her.

Okay, good.

So Ryan had knee surgery, so he's going to be hopping around.

This is someone who is desperate to be on camera, is that he got knee surgery the day before, but he's still like, uh-uh, I'm going to go.

I'm going to hobble around.

I might permanently ruin my knee because I should be resting right now, but it'll be worth it to be on camera.

A hoodie and a blazer at the same time.

Yeah.

So Katie's telling her hair person she wants to talk to Shannon, and Shanna's telling her person, her hair person, she's absolutely not talking to Katie.

But I am bringing Phil from the dating show, Love Island.

I keep in contact with all of her.

I have a bench of friends.

A bench.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be bringing my new, sweet, adorable friend.

His name is Ace Green, and he is very small, and he fits in my pocket, and he will be a great addition to whatever event we go to.

I cannot wait.

So Heather walks through her party, and she's like, oh, do I feel an obligation to throw a good party?

Yes, I have a champagne girl in a glass.

I have people rolling joints because I'm Heather Dubrow, cool mom.

I've got two guys writing poetry, sushi,

sushi, caviar bombs.

And yes, I also hired pro photographers to capture the event.

Not to be confused with paparazzi.

Ah, God, isn't it great to be a cool person having rolled marijuana joints and poetry?

God, I love being me.

So Emily and Shane arrive, life of the party, part two.

And Emily's like, the point of a birthday party is that you were birthed on this earth on a day.

This just feels so random.

Yeah, and some people celebrate Christmas in June, and Heather celebrates her birthday whenever the fuck she wants.

I feel bad for anyone whose birthday really is today.

Well, I heard that Ryan had knee surgery, girls.

I thought maybe he got a lesson.

Doesn't want to come.

Lummit, she's like, maybe some heavy showed up and like banged him in the knees, like the little hoodlum he is.

Suddenly, like, is Tamra coming?

You don't know.

I was like, I don't know, but we'll check every dumpster to see if she's hiding out.

So then Ryan shows up.

Jen come and Ryan's in a hoodie, which is super classy.

But a blazer.

A classy party, sir.

Okay.

Your knee was hurt, not your arms.

Put on a decent shirt.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then Shannon shows up with none other than Bella.

Phil from Belair.

Hello, I'm Phil.

I'm from Bell Air.

Phil is horrified.

He's like, I didn't know there was a place south of Santa Monica Boulevard.

What is this land down here?

Orange County?

What do I do?

So Shanna is like, well,

Katie better not talk to me.

I'll tell you that.

He's like, don't you want to talk to Katie?

Make a new friend.

She's like, no, absolutely not.

Don't you even start.

So Heather is making everyone do caviar bombs, which apparently is where they come and they put caviar on your hand like Coke.

And then instead of snorting at you lick it off which sounds disgusting

yes I don't need my

my retina that is probably left over on my hand mixing with my caviar okay absolutely not and I have done many of these

I'm like I will do it I will do it so just give me a poking cracker I'm not even in it for the fish eggs I'm here for the crackers I agree I like it I prefer a cracker over over it being on my hand um I don't love it being in my hand but I do wash my hands first before I do it so it's

delicious.

It's not too much.

Public restroom, you know, public restroom soap scent as you eat your caviar.

I just, it's gross.

Humans are gross.

So

Shannon's telling everyone about Phil.

She's like, well, everyone.

So Phil, we met on the Love Hotel and we got to, and he got to know all the girls.

And he is one of our favorites.

He's also the one who has more than six figures in his bank account.

So we enjoy Phil.

Emily's like, hey, I love your teeth.

Wow, you got really good teeth.

So, would you celebrate your birthday months later?

Probably like this wacko.

All right.

Now, I just want to tell everyone that Phil is not a friend with benefits.

He's just a friend.

Although, there is a benefit to being a friend with him, which is that he will bail you out if something should happen on the road, if you know what I'm saying.

Oh, goodness, Phil, you're not recording this, are you?

So, uh, Gina's like, well, the drive-by caviar is a bit mush, but just another day in the life of the prom.

So then Shannon, let's see, Shannon,

gong with a glass.

Like, they give you a shot and you have to hit the gong.

And if you don't hit the gong, you have to take another shot and then keep hitting the gong.

So, of course, Shannon just keeps missing it to get more shots.

But they finally move her over to some version.

They're like, we'll give you a non-alcoholic shot so we can hit the gong without getting wasted.

Emily and Gina walk through a hall of mirrors,

which is like watching the show.

And Gina's like, she's like, whoa, this venue used to be like a massive like Christian television compound.

And it's like giving those vibes.

And it also feels like weird cult shit.

Like, it's weird to think that there used to be like a TV networking and now it's gone.

I feel bad that they got canceled.

It's weird because Miami was in their church and this one's in a Christian compound.

It's very Jesus-y week over on Bravs.

So then

Terry DeBrow is like, whoa, guys, there's a marijuana bar here.

Okay.

They roll the whole thing.

Look, let me show you.

Where'd it go?

It's not in the glass thing.

Where did it go?

I'm like, oh my God, Terry.

Probably been hitting the marijuana.

We are cool.

We are a cool couple.

Suck on this, Wendy Malik.

So then Katie is,

Katie is there and she's like, well, I never thought I'd be at Heather's birthday, but seeing Shannon makes me sad.

No, I think what you're supposed to say is, I feel bad.

I'm just like, I won't do that.

I won't say that, Gina.

So Shannon is already steaming because Shannon's had some shots now at the gong thing and her hair is pulled back.

So we know what's about to happen.

So she's like, wow, that girl recorded me at a gallery shoot.

And Katie and Gina, back to them.

Katie's like, yeah, and I'm not really happy with Tamara.

I mean, listen, I fell on the sword.

I went over to Tamra's house.

I apologized to her.

And then she tattled on me and took everything I told her.

And, you know, look, every problem I've had in this group has been Tamara telling on me.

Yeah.

So maybe you learn your fucking lesson.

Yeah, exactly.

No one on the show ever learns their lesson.

Like, how is Tamara to these people off screen that they're so loyal to Tamara once the cameras start rolling?

Because the second they start rolling, that shit's all out the window.

You guys need to learn.

Yeah, I know.

Seriously.

So meanwhile, Emily says hi to Gretchen and Slade and Gretchen's like, however, by the way,

we should get more testosterone for our love life because I broke Slade's penis for real.

It's a medical thing.

You can't get a boner anymore.

Yeah.

I was like, yeah, when it breaks, it causes scar tissues and how it bends because he doesn't want to get hard in that section.

So I call him Captain Hug now because it's like that.

And you really can see how this has affected Slade because I was like, wow, Slade is much, he's much more withdrawn this time around.

It's like, oh, he can't get a full boner.

And like, that's in his head.

It's in his head in many, many, many ways, more ways than one.

So then Heather and Katie are talking about shannon and um katie's like i sent her a text and heather's like yep she showed me she showed me your text um which is okay somehow like recording's not bad but showing people private texts are okay so shannon is um like oh oh well look over there heather is chatting with katie like nothing happened are you fucking kidding me

I was like, oh, you know what, Katie, you have to fix this.

You have to fix this.

Can you go fix this?

Okay.

Katie's like, okay, I'll ask her to a chat.

So they go and they basically,

they, they go up, Jan and Katie go up to Phil and Shannon.

And Katie's like, hi, hi.

I'm, I'm Katie.

And you are, sir, with the teeth.

What's your name?

Hello.

I'm Phil from Bell Hay.

Oh, wow.

That's very interesting.

I feel scared right now.

I don't know why.

Can we have a talk, Shannon?

Okay, I am.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, I am very, very, very, very, very sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you in any way.

I have no excuse except that I just wanted to bring laughter into the lives of many people by recording you.

That's all.

Oh, well, you know, you sent me a text and you were giving me excuses and that is not an apology.

And what you did is illegal.

Illegal.

Illegal.

And I expect my privacy.

That day where you videotaped me, I was upset.

That was illegal.

Well, I don't even remember what it was.

I don't even remember what it was about.

Well, that's none of your business.

It's none of your business what that call was about.

Well, you came in to the gallery shoot and you were on your speakerphone.

It was outside.

I was outside.

No, no, it was right next to our station.

Is that your business?

Is that your business?

Is that your business?

Well, you made it my business when you did it.

I was on a, in fact, I was on a business call with an investor investing in

tiny shot glasses.

Well,

isn't there a thing?

Tiny shot glasses?

Golf.

Golf.

I forgot the little golf buzzballs.

I was getting an investor who was going to invest in shot glasses that were the shape of golf balls.

Unfortunately, I was being told on call that I was being sued for stealing his ID in the first place.

Yeah, that didn't really happen.

So

I was one heartbeat away from Shark Tank, and then you walked in and disrupted everything.

I mean, Barbara Corcoran basically hung up on me at that moment.

I went from Shark Tank to Shark Tank.

Okay.

And Shanna's like, well, you're on an important business call and yet you hung up to record me hmm

which was a decent point actually it is like a very strong point that you are sitting here trying to defend yourself

i am apologizing no you're not no you're not that's not an apology that is not an apology there's not one carb in sight

Emily's like watching it.

She goes, hell, there's your party.

So I don't know if you want to intervene.

Should we do it?

You would intervene.

And Shane's like, we should record it.

it get it because someone's like that is hilarious shane that is hilarious you're getting anal tonight so shannon's like nothing you say ever adds up ever katie and i'm going i've gone to the bottom of the barrel with these women and not once has anyone recorded me and her fingers going in full length she buzzes it around she points it in her face and buzzes it in a circle and then she starts doing the conducting thing where she's like not once

i'm gonna say

that you know about shannon because i guarantee tamara and all of them have recorded you many times and they laugh about it to themselves so katie's like well it just it went to my husband alexis never heard it which we know is a lie because

we know at the very least she told she sat and told alexis all about it so katie does this thing where she like plays on technicalities you know yeah and shannon's like oh katie i i act i i i i i i worry about your mental state i really do and she's like well um you're worried about

my mental state, you, Shannon Bedour, Shannon Bedour, worried about my mental state.

And she's like, She's the one screaming and yelling, you know.

You were the one, you were the one in Sonoma sitting with me, talking about the videos against me.

And you decided after all that I've been through to video record me.

Yes, I know what the technical term is: video record.

That's what she did.

And no apology will ever make up for how you have violated me.

I put you in the same category as John Jansen, video recorders.

That's what you both are.

It's like, oh, really?

So I sued you for 75 grand?

Well, you were, you were, you, you, you, you recorded me and you're in their category.

You're like a category five hurricane storm.

Sorry, Earl, that was for you.

I was trying to do a little makeup, makeup session for you.

There we go.

She's like, no, I'm not.

Can I talk?

Can I talk?

You're the one talking over me.

So she, Shannon, gets in her full ponytail drunken anger gets up.

She's like, let me make this clear.

I can't eat you, Nelma.

I will never, ever speak to you again.

You are the most evil, evil person I've met.

She's trying to defend herself.

She's

insanity.

I'm not gonna let you rile me up.

Not you.

This girl, worse, worse than Alexis Bellino.

Worse than Tamara Judge.

We're done.

We're done.

I will not let you rile me up while I scream in this party and storm out.

You will not rile me up.

And then she storms out, and Kitty goes, She left her grilled cheese.

Great episode.

So,

this week.

Very good week for the housewives.

Everybody, thanks so much for being here.

We sure love you guys.

We'll talk to you next week.

Bye.

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