#2943 RHOM S7E7 Part 1: It’s My Party, and I’ll Shame if I Want To

Weight loss medications are everywhere right now.

Everyone's talking about them.

Everyone's on them.

But let's be real.

Have you seen the price tag?

It's hard to believe they're actually accessible.

That's where HERS comes in.

HERS is transforming women's health care by providing access to affordable weight loss treatment plans.

They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you.

If prescribed, you get medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care, check-ins, dosage, and medication adjustments.

Weight loss by HERS is realistic, not restrictive, and it's affordable.

HERS provides access to both oral medication kits and GLP-1 injectable options.

Start your free online visit today at forhers.com slash crap ins that's f-o-r-h-e-r-s.com slash crap ins for your personalized weight loss treatment options.

Forhers.com slash crap-ins.

Weight loss by HERS is not available everywhere.

Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness, or quality by the FDA.

Prescription required to see website for full details, important safety information, and restrictions.

Actual price depends on product and plan purchase.

What's the difference between a house and a home?

A home is a cozy place, a place that feels unique to the people living in it.

And photos on the wall is a perfect way to make your space fully yours.

Smallwood Home can help you with that.

SmallwoodHome.com turns your favorite photos into gallery quality framed prints or wrapped canvases, all handcraft in the USA, shipped in days and priced to make your whole home smile.

I just ordered fantastic pictures of my nieces and my family when they were here in Los Angeles and I'm going to have that memory forever and they look amazing.

With fast shipping, affordable pricing and the highest quality prints available, it makes sense that Smallwood Home has over 3 million happy customers.

And now it's your turn.

Right now, get 30% off when you use the code Krapens at SmallwoodHome.com.

That's promo code Krapens to get 30% 30% off.

Your first order at smallwoodhome.com.

Give your memories the showcase they deserve.

You already know we love Virgin Voyages.

This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.

We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included.

No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

The destinations are amazing, too.

Some highlights Aruba, St.

Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, the Med.

Oh my god, the boats are beautiful.

They're so modern.

The rooms are just so luxurious.

I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.

And I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.

That makes me so happy.

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.

Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Watch what crap is.

Watch what crap is.

Who cares what happens?

Who cares what happens with this?

So much that crap ends.

Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today

is Mr.

Ronnie Carom.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

What a special time.

What a special time in life.

Ronnie, I hope you are enjoying this episode because in a little bit later, I'm going to put all of our text messages on screens behind me and you will be humiliated.

So

bracelets dare your ass to do it as well.

Yeah.

No one is safe in our texts.

No one is safe.

We are talking about Real Housewives of Miami today.

And before we get into that, first of all, thanks to everyone who came over and watched us on Amazon Live.

We're doing it again this Monday.

We're actually doing double duty.

There'll be an Amazon Live and there'll be a crappy hour.

So lots of live time with Ben and Ronnie.

I can't wait for that.

It's going to be so much.

We had so much, like, we literally had so much fun hawking sheet pans and regular pans and other things, things, coffee items that like, it was a blast.

Come join us for the next one.

Also, patreon.com slash watchercrappins is where you can watch us, not just listen with craps on demand.

We also do bonus episodes.

We'll have a bony up next week.

Ronnie and I are going on a little baby trip this weekend, and maybe we'll have some reports from there.

You never know.

And I think that's basically all that we're going to do.

Yeah, we're going to a little Vegas Vecca.

We're going to have some fun.

We'll try and record while we're there for our next bonus episode.

We love a little out-of-town bonus.

Yeah, going back to Vega.

Vegas.

Well, Vega.

We were making it Vega.

Vega.

Yeah, we're super excited for that.

And also the Amazon live is going to be at 4 p.m.

Pacific time.

Okay.

So it's going to be this Monday and the following Monday.

So join us for that.

Also, what was I going to say?

Also, I'm still wearing my douchebag glasses because I did get my eyes done and I'm still punched in the face.

I don't know how long these bruises are going to take to go away, but I'm sick of walking around like this.

It's very exciting.

Well,

you're mainly healed.

I don't know.

I think you're being your own worst critic right now.

It's bruised.

I'll show you.

I just don't want to do it for the whole time.

See, I'm still like bruised.

And also, I have bruises under here where I didn't get any eye work, which I don't really understand, like

down here.

But, you know, happy with the results.

Hello, look at these gorgeous peepers.

So anyway, I'm just hiding the bruises for a little bit.

Okay.

Well,

you know, you just have to tell people because then if you don't, they only watch this, and not the other ones.

They're going to be like, what the douchebag?

Or I'm just regular flavor douchebag.

I'm not usually glasses plus my regular douchebag personality.

Okay.

Well,

today we are talking Miami.

As I mentioned, this is episode season seven, episode seven.

It's called textual tension and

a real good humdinger of a Miami episode.

This season is so good.

This cast is so good.

I was cringing so hard during this.

People are mad on the internet, which is always fun always good when a show can get people on twitter angry there everyone's really angry at julia well actually they're angry at the cast julia what about mad at julia people well people

no people are mad at the cast because it's like Julia threw a whole ass glass of water on Jewel on Gurdy and the cast just stood there.

But then when Gurdy does her thing, the cast walks out.

Oh, yeah.

And it's like morally, especially Marisol, like really, really, of all people, Mari Soul is like, I'm leaving.

I'm morally opposed to this.

Oh, really?

Aren't you the lady who has people followed by private eyes and et cetera, et cetera?

I mean, I don't have time to like even list all of Mary Soul's crimes on this show over the years.

I think that what we are learning or what we probably have already learned is that when it comes to things like throwing glasses, flipping tables, things like that, physical elements, people are pretty, I wouldn't say they're chill, but they're used to it.

They just sort of sit there and they react or whatever, but they don't really, it doesn't really make them want to leave.

They're just like, oh, okay, well, we're going to be in the trailer.

But when it comes to like infractions of private off-screen stuff, that's when they really get themselves all, you know, in a tizzy.

I mean, just look at last week's episode about Katie and the recording of Shannon Bedour without her, you know, didn't know the recording was even happening.

I mean, like, they are, they lose their minds because so much I think of being a celebrity is like, you know, I am coming here and I'm presenting a version of myself and what I choose not to put on camera is like sacrosanct to me.

Sacrosynct.

It's but like, and so like when someone violates that, that's like, like, you can pour all the drinks on me you want, but like the moment that you show people that I sent like a smile emoji in a private text message, it's like privacy is like the, is the final frontier of decency when it comes to like a real housewife, it turns out.

I mean,

yes, but they share their texts all the time.

They literally, we've seen so many episodes where people, I mean, with consent.

Lisa Vanderpump showing up with poster boards or whatever when she had Ken print out in like very large, remember?

She had Ken print out in very large things the text that she had shared with Lisa Rinna or whoever it was about all the Lucy, Lucy, apple juicy.

Oh, no, it was, was it the, who were those texts from?

Don't you remember that?

That was very heavy.

She worked out the texts.

We've seen fights over texts and printed texts and what people are saying in text forever.

I don't understand how everybody's making this a huge thing now.

Give me a break.

Now, that said, I don't think it really helped Gertie's case because the text proved nothing, but

whatever.

I mean, I was sad to see Gurdy.

It was hilarious to watch, but I'm like, I didn't like Gertie's seeding the high ground.

But, but that being said, wow, it was hilarious.

There's no high ground.

This is Real House Lives of Miami.

There's like literally no high ground and there was nothing in those texts.

It was like, oh, I'm cheating on my wife.

There was nothing like that.

It was like,

she says she begged me to come to a thing and she didn't beg me.

That's what I proved.

And I mean, she never really said that you begged her to go anyway.

Yeah.

But the whole thing was just so silly.

I loved it.

Gertie also showed Kenya Moore how to do a proper public stunt, which is, you know, you gather your friends for what's supposed to be an uplifting event, and then you actually air stuff out, but you don't get yourself fired in the process, and you don't cross any true moral lines.

Like, this is what, this is what Kenya should have done.

Something like this: Gertie, Gertie did a thing where you appall your cast, but you still have your job afterwards.

Yeah, she did it right.

I mean, listen, I loved it, I thought it was great.

So, let's start.

We'll do like Miami does.

Two hours ago, before Ben and Ronnie ended this recap, here we go.

Textual tension.

Julie and Martina arriving at their phone.

And they brought home their little boys, their new little adopted boys, which I guess are not adopted yet.

I think to this day, they're still not adopted.

I don't know what's going on over there.

Don't know, don't care.

Just know that they have some children living in their house with them.

And that's all.

That's all that I, the technicalities are not something I am going to personally look up because I don't care about the, I'm not saying you can't care.

I'm just just saying I don't, you know, I'm like, whatever about the

status.

I mean, I care because are you allowed to just bring children on that you're not adopted?

You just kidnap kids to like, are you do they get to do they get paid?

Are they do they sign waivers?

Like, how does that work?

I don't, I don't know, you're allowed to just shoot random children.

I mean, shit.

Well, maybe I'll have a show where I'm a parent and just get some kids off the street and be like, hey, you want to be on TV today?

You're playing my kids.

I just like that.

Like, originally, like three episodes ago, it's like, we are keeping them off camera because it is sacred.

Then last episode, it's, well, we are having no one can come over because they see strangers and they are traumatized and they don't want to move or talk or anything like that.

They're like, we want to protect the children because when they see strangers, it's triggering to them.

And then this episode, they're like.

Okay, we'll show the kids and we're going to show them the craziest faced ladies that they'll ever see.

Do you want to see some real life Dr.

Seuss renderings?

Here we go.

If there was any trauma in these kids' lives previously, before they found these parents, it is about to be completely erased in their minds by the new trauma they're about to face with these faces.

The Lenny Hoxteen effect.

So fighting.

Because, you know,

these ladies are, these are the Miami ladies.

They will start fights with these children.

They'll be like, what did you say to me?

What did you say?

Did you hear what he said to me in front of Frankie?

Did you?

So we meet luca and jackson so cute and why would you bring a baby on to bravo and name it jax are you kidding me do you guys have the channel that you're on like do you subscribe to this channel what terrible juju for a child yeah that's that's bad so um uh julia is sort of showing them off and um then they're like walking around this farm and martina is holding the kids and it's all it's all very cute the kids are getting a nice farm life and then julia's like how do we smile mama has a big smile.

Can we do smile?

Auto leave us smile.

And then the kids smile.

And at least one of them smiles.

And he's one of them smiles and the other sticks his tongue out at the camera.

That's probably the Jacks.

He's like, no, I won't smile.

He'll be a little butt head.

They're so cute, by the way, these kids.

They're adorable little kids.

Ben Waltz is cute, Ben, who knows who didn't get any credit in this episode.

The cow.

There was like a little cow and it came running up.

It was so cute.

I want a cow.

I want a cow.

Is it too late the goat on the leash the goat on the leash was adorable um martina and julia are they seem like they're actually very lovely parents they're very being very warm and

um even martina you know it's funny because it seemed like martina had no interest in children she loves like a

uh sleek modern home that does not seem kid-friendly at all but she seems actually quite quite warm with the kids And Julia's like, oh, Martina is acting 20 years younger and she has so much energy.

Look at, she's jumping around.

She's tweeting even more about surrogates being terrible.

I mean, God, she has so much love to give.

Yeah, and Martina is like, oh, this is a chicken coop.

Look, this is where eggs come from.

This is where eggs come from.

And she's like, yes, this is where eggs come from.

Not supermarket.

Do not break egg.

Whatever you do, do not break egg.

We will kill you if you break egg.

He's like, oomp.

You broke egg.

Yeah.

Oh, well, we let dog eat egg.

We let the goat eat egg.

Let me tell you something.

Julia Martina, just gonna put this out here.

Don't give your toddler an egg.

It's just not, it's not gonna last.

Like, that's just, it's too soon.

Too soon.

Give them something soft and plushy.

They need some time.

Yeah.

Speaking of soft and plushy, here comes Adriana.

She's like, hello.

I dress like school kid crayon so they would like me.

Okay.

Am I okay to get close to them?

Is it okay if I get close to them?

I have French callboy in the car.

Do they want to meet?

Do they want to meet?

Want to meet?

Want to meet?

You want to meet?

We have sex seven times.

So Martina, they're like, oh, this is Adriana.

And so one of the kids is there.

And then she's like, where's the other one?

Julia goes, he is walking goat unleash.

And then we see this kid is walking a goat on a leash.

And he's, I think it's the younger one, too.

It's like the one-year-old is walking a goat on a leash.

And it was.

actually so cute.

I was like, wow, I am impressed.

I feel like a one-year-old walking a goat.

That's a tall.

I feel like at that point, the goat's walking the the one-year-old, but whatever, the two of them together, I was like, okay, my heart is melting a little bit.

Well, I was impressed with the goat because goats will not be leashed, okay?

Goats are those animals, faffo.

That's what I will say about goats, faffo, okay?

You know about my aunt's goat, habebe,

who.

charges me every time it sees me and any version of habibi there's been many versions over the years and whenever she gets a new damn goat she names it habibi and every time my cousins push me into his little pen and he charges me every time

and comes at me with those satanic little eyes.

So I was really impressed to see a non-habibi goat.

I'm wondering if it's my aunt who makes her goat so evil.

I just always figured it was in their nature.

But maybe she

aren't goats.

Like, don't they represent the devil?

Yeah.

But, you know, so does my aunt sometimes.

Like, she's scary.

She, she ran the bowling alley.

She was like the property manager and she wore like polyester suits and had like a big crazy afro and glasses like mine.

Maybe that's why I like these glasses.

And she would walk around with like the big chain of keys on her keyring and she was the habibi owner.

And I'm wondering if she ever just trained habibi to come for people.

Maybe.

Are goats a lesbian thing, by the way?

Because Josie is a lesbian and these ladies are lesbians and they all have goats.

Well, there was a season of the amazing race where two gay guys won and they had a goat farm.

So maybe it's just a maybe it's just an LGBTQIA plus

thing.

Maybe it is.

Maybe I should get a goat.

Maybe I should get over my trauma by getting a goat that doesn't charge me.

Maybe all this time, the reason why goats are associated with the devil is because it's, it was homophobes who pushed that narrative when actually goats are really just a gay thing.

Maybe.

Gays love goats.

Yeah.

Gays love goats.

You heard it here first, everybody.

So, well, actually, no, you shouldn't say that because I I remember growing up really religious.

And my, I remember someone in the church saying, well, if you, you allow gays to be with each other, then who's to stop a man from marrying a goat?

That was always the thing.

So, and maybe don't, don't say gays love goats because they'll take that.

Like, see, I told you, now he wants to marry a goat.

Yeah, and they did do goat yoga on that first episode of King's Court.

So it was

gay in it minus the why.

Well, the why is just in a different place.

That's true.

If you, if yoga,

and I am.

If you scramble yoga, yoga changes to a gay.

Okay.

Look, it's a gay.

Just move the why to the back.

So now Alexia comes and Julia is like, oh, look at this boy.

So strong carrying egg.

We're going to make omelette with egg.

And he drops the egg.

And so they let Lulu eat the egg.

I don't know who Lulu is.

I'm assuming it's the dog.

I hope it's not the dog.

I hope

they've got hanging around.

It's like the child that no one likes.

Lulu, eat the egg, stupid child.

No, Jack's not you.

We love you.

Lulu is the one we don't like.

Lulu is the Christie of this.

What's the tennis player's name that Martina hates?

Steffi Graff, or

Lulu is the Steffi Graff of this household.

We don't know, Chris, Chris, um, Chris Jenner.

No,

she probably hates Chris Jenner, too.

Chris Everett.

Chris Everett.

Yeah.

Noodles, Chris Everett, Stepping Left of

Goat.

So

they're cool about the egg being dropped, which is nice.

And then

that wouldn't happen in my house.

We've been talking about this egg.

We've been talking about this egg for 15 minutes.

I just want to say that.

It's an important scene.

It's an important scene.

It's like a new gay family.

We have to judge every moment that passes.

So the kid gets some apple juice, which I don't know if you should like reward your child for dropping an egg, right?

I think you should say, it's okay.

We won't beat you for dropping egg, but not apple juice for a week.

Yeah.

I mean, you never know.

This may be where the youth of America has gone wrong, is that they're spoiled too much.

And the chief spoiler is Alexia, who also, who enters with gifts.

She has like donuts and stuff.

And so Adriana immediately is feeling insecure because Adriana came with nothing.

And

she's just like, she's like, well, I, you know, she's like, I don't, you know, I don't come bearing gifts.

My present is a heart full of love and to be here for them anytime they need me.

And I don't need to bribe them.

My intentions are pure.

It's like, no, you forgot.

You forgot to go to CVS beforehand.

Yeah.

Also, Adriana is not as rich as everybody else.

She's like, I'm not paying for shit for these kids.

She's like, your mother is me.

Your mother is not a good friend to me.

So don't ever beat me to a text.

There, there's some advice from your auntie, okay?

There's some TI advice for you.

But I did love the way that, I did love the way that Adriana and Alexia like really just like swooped up these kids.

Like it was like a big mommy moment.

Like it's kind of like one of those moments where it is, it feels like it is the village and everyone swoops in and hugs them.

Like there's something like, as much as I like, I'm always being like, oh my God, that's so mommy.

That's so mommy.

But I'm like, There is actually something really incredibly lovely about like when moms come together and support each other.

women supporting women okay but just like that maternal love that just started to flow through the scene was really very warm to me you're touched i was touched it worked i dropped all my eggs

it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

Why drop a fortune on basics when you don't have to?

Quince has the good stuff.

High quality fabrics, classic fits, and lightweight layers for warm weather, all at prices that make sense.

Quince has closet staples you'll want to reach for over and over, like cozy cashmere, cotton sweaters from just 50 bucks, and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed-up dinners.

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

We've been talking about Quince for a long time.

We both love it.

I love online shopping, and Quince is the most fashionable destination I use for sure.

I've got a beautiful suede jacket that I got from Quince.

I get compliments on it every single time I wear it.

I actually currently have a Mongolian Cashmere Henley sweater in my shopping bag, and I'm about to hit purchase as soon as we're done recording this very ad.

Keep it classic and cool with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash crap ins for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-in-n-ce-e.com/slash crap-ins to get free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash crappins.

We are sponsored by the new movie from Searchlight Pictures, The Roses.

Perfect couple Ivy, Olivia Coleman, and Theo Rose, Benedict Cumberbatch, have it all.

Successful careers, a loving marriage, and great kids.

But when Theo's career comes crashing down, just as Ivy's fame starts to skyrocket, a tinderbox of fierce competition and growing resentment ignites, threatening to destroy everything they've built if they don't destroy each other first.

All's fair when love is war.

For anyone who's ever been in a relationship, The Roses is a crowd-pleasing comedy.

Starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Olivia Coleman, Andy Sandberg, Allison Janney, Shuti Gatwa, and Kate McKinnon.

From the director of Meet the Parents and writer of Poor Things.

Directed by Jay Roach and screenplay by Tony McNamara.

This movie looks absolutely hilarious.

I love Olivia Coleman so much.

I'll see anything she's in, and this one looks like a home run.

In Theaters Everywhere, August 29th.

Get tickets tickets now

i was very touched by the donuts i was like that is a good amp right there don't bring me some goddamn toy bring me some carbs carbs dripping in sugar so uh adriana and alexia are both wearing really bright things to impress the kids and uh they're wearing neons and adriana's like oh wow it's like a neon off like oh my god so um

then

um alexia's like oh my god they already found out i'm the cool tia.

I'm the cool tia.

I'm the cool.

I'm the cool one.

And then we get a call from Karamo from Queer Eye.

Yes, Karamo, America's favorite.

And Julie's like, oh, hi, my friend.

This is Jackson and this is Luca.

And

Jackson, Luca, this is Karamo, who will be harvesting your cells.

for his face very soon.

And Caramo's like, hey, if you ever need me to babysit, you need me to take them out.

I can do that.

I'm Karamo.

I may not be coming back to queer eye, but I am coming back with my new show, Queer Eye for the Possibly Stray Babies.

Okay.

Change your shirt.

Balance Iaga already.

Everyone knows you didn't earn it.

Okay.

Back to the drawing boards.

He's got, he's like, oh, I have to say, this is so much better than shooting with Mary from Selling Sunset.

So Julio.

Caramo's thirsty.

He'll shoot on any of these shows.

Karamo just shows up anyway.

He does.

He really does.

He does that big fake laugh.

And so Julia is like, Caramo is friend.

And I met Caramo at some event for goat and we hit it off.

Well,

we hit the orange juice off the goat's back.

And his energy, he is so warm.

And he's such an activist and great man and put smile on my face.

So he's like, listen, I just want to give you a call because I'm coming to Miami.

And, you know, the National LGBTQ Task Force, I'm getting honored.

And I just had to invite you and your cameras.

Isn't the task force like an army thing

i don't really know what a task force is who's too came up with i always hear it in like military shows you know and they're like call the task force and then the task it's an armed force organization for a special operation so you've heard it here first first karamo has started up a private army for gay against gay goats damn it's a unit specially organized for a task who you know there was some some honestly look look some small dick person came up with the term task force because someone was like, I need you to get some people to do this task for me.

Like, okay, everyone, we need to do a task.

We will be the task force.

Like, who's going to do it?

Could you just bring me a water?

It's like some bus boy somewhere.

It's like, I'm sorry, but I'm in a task force now.

You'll have to talk to my union leader.

Who thought about pairing the term force with task?

Task is

task isn't even as like maybe if it was called like a chore force, maybe an errand chore a task is like this a task is like the smallest thing, right?

It's like a lot of cleaning duties force.

It's like someone really had to elevate their stature.

They're like, because they're only getting assigned tasks instead of chores or obligations or duties.

They just had tasks.

I know when they get there, they're like, you know what?

I'm really good at picking up dry cleaning for people.

I'm joining the task force.

And then they get there and they're handed a gun.

They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't fuck around on the task force.

What's the task force, bro?

What did you think you were going to be doing?

It's called the task force.

I thought I'd be watering your plants while you were out of town.

You know, that's a chore.

This is the task force.

For the task force, you know what you're going to do?

You're going to get me a sweetened loaf in the cupboard.

Refill my bread or I'll shoot you.

The task force never forgets.

So Martina is playing hide and seek with Luca.

And he's like, I found Ellen DeGeneres.

So then Martina's, I found Ellen DeGeneres' haircut.

Martina's like, hey, wait a minute.

I thought long and hard about this haircut.

Luca's like, oh my God, it's Tom Petty.

So Julia is like,

the National LGBTQ task force is all about fighting for freedom and justice and getting splendor for LGBTQ people.

Every event in Miami is a party, but this one is a special party because it's all about my people and all about my community and no surrogates allowed.

Okay, Martina, I'm going to need you to be quiet about that.

So wait, what do you you, this is the second time you've mentioned it.

What is Martina's surrogacy thing?

Oh,

this is another thing.

I thought you knew about this.

This is the, you maybe missed this on your, on your recovery week.

Martina tweeted out,

she tweeted out and said, surrogacy is just wrong.

Sorry, sometimes you can't have it all.

And everyone got mad at her.

So then she had to erase it.

But it's kind of like, what the fuck?

We're sitting here watching your adoption storyline.

Like all your storyline for two years.

Well, not for two years, but there's been a big through line about starting a family and like what we can do to start a family and how family is so important.

And you're going to be all of a sudden shitting on surrogacy, like when that's really the only option for some people.

And for some people, that's also like a viable way to

gain income.

It was just so,

it was just, it just was so obnoxious.

So yeah, everyone's been razzing Martina about it, including me.

Oh, this fucking lady.

My God, her tweets.

I read one last week and I was just like, you know what?

I need to stop doing is reading Martina tweets.

And it's not like I follow her or anything.

They just keep showing because she's always pissing people off.

So they keep showing up in whatever I'm reading, whatever social media thing I'm reading.

And I just need to stay away from her because she infuriates me.

And then I watch this show, and I would never, I'm never infuriated by her on this show, but oh my God, I just need to not ever read another tweet.

I had some like guns and black people tweet last week.

Did she seem to find God?

Like Martina, I tried.

I tried to like,

yeah, it's too, it's too, I don't even know what it is.

I'm not even gonna, I've tried to find it to read it, but I just, I guess the point is stay away from Martina tweets if you're me.

I know.

I used to love her.

I always loved her.

Like I was like, oh my god, Martina Nevratilova.

And then she was on the show.

And I'm like, oh my God, Martina Nevatilova.

But, you know, social media is a bitch.

And like, really, also, you're going to do these terrible tweets while your wife is having a villain edit this season.

Like, we're at least

way to go.

And also, Andy Cohen had a surrogate.

So, like, think about your boss for a moment.

But, whatever.

So,

okay.

So, anyway, they're talking about this Karamo thing and the task force.

And Julia is very proud to serve her community because they get her dry cleaning.

So, we go to Oliver, Brazilian Furniture, where Larsa is meeting Karen, the most exciting, the most excited furniture furniture store worker I've ever seen on one of these shows.

She's like, oh my God,

I'm so happy to design your dream closet.

I'm Karen.

Karen from Oliver.

I was like, can Karen from Oliver?

Can someone get Karen a benzo?

She's about to fucking explode all over the place.

Well, she's been trapped in this closet showroom for, you know, who knows how many years before someone finally walked in.

So she's like, I'm so happy to design your dream closet.

I'm basically, they say I'm the Karamo of Karamo of closets.

So Larsa is like, oh my God.

I'm the non-LGBTQ plus task force leader.

Okay.

There is nothing taskier than designing a closet.

I've been put out the National Closet Task Force, and it's our mission to make sure everyone has a closet.

So that way gays like Karamo can come out of them.

Lars is like, oh my God, like, like, I really love like the closet task force because like they like, they're like part of my community.

Like,

yeah i want a closet like where i can see them and get to like everything that's important to me because like i love this color and i can put my gun in the closet and then karen's like huh oh

and lars is like i don't really have a gun lol

lol i'm like you have a gun and you don't realize you just said that on tv

it's okay

to say that you don't have a gun in florida i think would be the more remarkable thing larsa's having an interesting trajectory this season.

Last week, she was watching Trump in the restaurant, and this week she's talking about her guns.

Like, what the hell?

I also like Larza's closet design aesthetic.

She's like, you know what?

Like, here's like what I want, like, in a closet.

Like, I want to be able to find things in it.

Who goes in there and is like, you know what?

I want the most confusing fucking closet.

I don't want to know what anything is.

Make my closet look like MC Usher.

Larza would never say that.

She knows she wouldn't know who that is.

Who's AMC usher?

Like, do they still have that?

That's crazy.

Do they have ushers at AMC?

That's cool.

Like,

yeah.

So I want a gun in my closet.

Mala, make America Larsa again.

So Karen's like, okay.

She's like, I love my penthouse.

I love it.

It's easy.

And it's literally a mansion in the sky, except it's not a mansion.

It's a penthouse.

But I just feel like the condo is like, it's just not a family place for us.

So I purchased a nice house and it's not moving ready but now i have a house for when my kids never visit me i'm like when do you like

when does larsa have her kids around they're all first of all they're all like

grown up and they're all like in la aren't they and she and larsa buying houses this is like this is this is a storyline that's been plaguing america for a few years now because we even had to watch larsa on selling sunset look at houses to buy it's never ending with her she's just always buying houses and she never settles on one yeah didn't she already say the line yeah but like this house like this is like my first, like, first house, like, that I've like ever like owned like on myself.

Like, I think we've already heard her say that.

Why does she keep saying that all the time?

You already owned a house that was already yours.

Or is she saying that about the penthouse?

Like, finally, it's like my own like penthouse.

Like, like, finally.

She literally says it about everything.

She's like, finally, this is like my first Starbucks that I've ordered by myself.

Like, it's like, you cannot keep milking this divorce for some sort of independent storyline.

Yeah, the kids all moved away because they're sick of Larsa trying to date their friends.

So Larsa's like, yeah, like my friend, like Stephanie, like it's not like I've so like coming like like she's gonna like redo her home too.

Like, so like, I feel like like, I wanted to like feel like come like to get ideas.

Like,

yeah, this is the first host.

Yeah, I'm really excited for Stephanie to come.

So

then

we're looking at like digital renderings of the closet.

And the designer's like, this is your closet.

Hold on one second.

I don't know how Karama wound up in my rendering, but there he is.

He's really prevalent with all gay things, even just the mention of a closet.

He just shows up.

Wow.

Karama's like, as the head of the LGBTQ plus task force, I would like to have a parlay with the head of the non-LGBTQ plus closet force.

Do you feel like my closet is big enough?

She's like, well, it's not small.

I mean,

it's good.

It's good.

It's like, you know, it's definitely not small.

And she's, I I just want to maximize every corner of that closet.

I felt bad that Larza has shot a whole closet scene and they cut it and just used it in a flashback because that's like Larza's storyline this year.

You know, she needs this closet storyline and they just relegated it to a flashback.

Yeah, that's true.

I didn't even realize I'd gone into a flashback.

I thought this was, I thought they were just still sitting there talking about the closet, but little did I realize they were actually walking into her closet.

I thought they were looking at a rendering.

I'm so confused.

You didn't notice because at the bottom, they put a little Chiron that said, we are sparing you from an actual larza scene this season you're welcome

so um larza says this is a new chapter for me and i think it's like more my style and more my larza you have so many chapters without actually having a an interesting book like what it's like it's like what you said ronnie every single episode she's always announcing a new chapter and a new home everything every single time and every episode she's announcing a new chapter on her face every single time like who gets plastic surgery between episodes?

Like, you have a different face every episode now.

I don't even know who you are right now.

And I think at this point, she's just getting surgery from a flobe because I swear her features are just getting more sucked into the center.

It's like she's attaching something to her face and just pulling it all forward.

Yeah, it's like a black hole.

It's all being sucked in, you know.

Um, she's like an elbow with eyes.

So, Lars is like

community.

Yeah,

um, I'm here from the LGBTQ plus

task force.

Gay elbows, gay elbows picking up coffee only.

So Stephanie comes over and Larsa is

showing her the closet stuff and showing her samples.

And Lars is like, yeah, I was thinking something in this family would be nice.

And Stephanie's like, yeah, you know, I have something very similar to this one.

So I best have just like a closet innovator.

I guess I guess really, I should be in the task force.

I guess that's just what I'm saying.

And Larsa's like, yeah, well, I'm doing it first, so give it back.

Anyway,

so here, look at this.

Here's something, glass.

Do you like glass?

Glass is nice, right?

She's like, no, because it has fingerprints, Larsa.

Glass gets fingerprints.

And she's like, no, but like, there's like a handle like.

She's like, yeah, but you're still going to touch it, Larsa.

She goes, well, but would you touch?

Why would you touch glass?

Like, you're not going to touch the glass.

You're going to touch like only the handle of the door.

And she's like, because I'm OCD.

I don't know what, I don't know what that has to do with being ocd like where you you touch glass when you're ocd i don't think that's what occd is i think it's the opposite yeah i know i think she's just saying i care about this stuff because i'm ocd because i'm concerned about i'm i'm i'm concerned about fingerprints because i'm ocd and she's like no you have to think these things

because people do touch glass have you ever seen a glass door going into like a nordstroms or wherever i just really fancied myself up there or like opening a mall door people don't grab the handle they press on the glass because they think that that everybody's hands are dirtier than their hands.

So they don't want to touch the hands.

They want to put their dirty hands all over the glass.

People are fucking monsters.

And if you don't think you're one of them, you got another thing coming.

Okay.

We are all from the same human monster DNA.

Yeah, that's correct.

We're all Georgia from next-gen New York City.

So everyone's boogers are gross except our own.

You know, you better not pick your nose, but guess how I spend my afternoons?

You know, it's like humans are disgusting.

Like your cold is disgusting, but I'll go on a plane sneezing all over everybody.

I mean, there's truth.

Monsters, monsters.

So, Stephanie is lecturing Larsa about the closet choices now, which is my favorite.

You know, Stephanie is so obnoxious, but I really enjoy the way she lectures people because they kind of all deserve it.

She's like, you have to think these things through, like the fingers, the makeup, you have to think it through.

Like, you don't want, I like, you don't want to get it dirty, Larsa.

Like, why do you want to have this here?

You're going to get it dirty.

You don't want to do that.

You have to think things through, Larsa.

Larsa's like, what?

Things things through?

I don't understand what that means, though.

Like, she's like, yeah, but like, I'm self-diagnosed OCD and I like everything clean and I don't like fingerprints.

And that's why I say Boogers and Birkins just don't mix, which I also said, I think, two episodes ago, but I'm going to keep saying it.

So you guys remember that I said it and it's turned into a guess.

I'm just like hoping that this becomes a t-shirt that I can sell from the Shoma group.

I'm like, yeah, you're trying too hard on this.

This is the side of Stephanie I don't like is when she tries really hard to, you know, promote that.

She is rich and she loves a rich lifestyle.

She's like yeah no kids for me thank you very much

and then uh they get some champagne and um she's like yep that means that you're the vip and you're spending a lot of money huh larsa lars like i think we are like an xyz and such and that you know she loves her personality she's like i love stephanie's like personality like because like she's like not a pet like the bull like shit like so three days earlier we see stephanie scolding lisa about arriving to the sprinter van late and larsa's like yeah see like, she's like not fake, and she also the people that I don't like, like, so

I like her.

That's fun, like,

um, so she's like, by the way, like, I met Lisa for lunch, and I was just like telling her that, like, I think she needs to be a back, like, a better friend, and she's like, running on empty in the friend apartment, like, because everyone's sick of her playing the victim all the time.

Like, and then we see like a flashback to their lunch, and uh, with, you know, this is where Lars is like, you're running low on friends, like, this is like my new thing you're running on empty with friends like you're a gas tank you're a tank you look like a big tank you should be on a task force where you could be the tank and everyone else could be the army they can get inside you because you're a tank

um stephanie's like um i can tell that larza is not really over it i can tell you that right now i know her really well um because larsa's like we're just like in like who exists like

so now they're talking about this big gala coming up and larza's not going because she has a dinner but um

stephanie's in good hands because Julia really loves to have fun.

So don't worry about it.

She loves fun.

So now let's go to the National LGBTQ Task Force, Gala.

So people are arriving.

Julia's on the step and repeat.

There's an entertainment reporter interviewing her, asking how she feels.

She's like, I am feeling so loud and so proud to represent this community and also have really happy news to share.

But unfortunately, you'll just have to look at another media outlet because you you weren't on the zoom in time i'm so sorry

hopefully you have a news a news program that can tell you good news

so um karamo's getting awarded with the national leadership award for his work tackling hiv stigma and advocating for mental health in the black queer community so we see karamo and um he's posing and stuff and she's invited all her friends and so stephanie comes and marisol comes and steph marisol and stephanie get in in the car together and Marisol's like, oh, it's you, it's my girl, my girl.

She goes, I got a mini shaker because I know that cockies are the weightier heart.

She's like, cockies and cash.

Leo.

I love you.

Am I right?

Because there's like a little bar set up in the armrest in this Rolls-Royce.

So Marisol's like, well, I guess I got the Nissan version of the Rolls-Royce because I don't have a mini bar in mine.

I'm like, no,

you got a Nissan.

That's why.

Don't try to make us think that you're living in that small house with a Rolls-Royce.

You have a Nissan lady, and there's no bar in there because you're driving it yourself.

Illegal.

Just puts a little RR sticker over it.

It's basically a Nissan juke.

Not anymore.

It's called a Rolls-Royce Road.

I love the idea of Mary Sal driving around a little Nissan juke, just coming out with her giant flower dresses.

Like, whoa, whoa, I wasn't expecting that.

I didn't know there was a Nissan called a Nissan Juke.

Oh, yeah.

You've never seen it.

They're like the little boxy.

They're kind of boxy, but they like tilt down.

I like them.

I like the little Nissan.

I think they're so cute.

Yeah, look up Nissan Juke.

Oh, God.

It's like they want to be a Mini Cooper, but they're not.

I love them.

I love the little toy.

They look like a little toy.

They look like a shoe.

They look like sneaker cars, though.

You know, I drove one of those little theater fields, like Despicable Me.

That was my Despicable Me era.

I was like almost 400 pounds bald and driving this little tiny car.

I could barely fit in and out of it.

It is a really cute little car, but it looks honestly like a toy.

It looks like a toy.

This is not looking a real car.

I like that car.

And look at the inside and the insides of it, the interior.

Very cute.

Ranking car.

I think they stopped making it actually.

Well, no, there's one in 2024.

All right, Juke, we're back.

We're back in business.

I'm going to the Juke store today.

That's it.

Nissan Juke is the marisol of cars.

You just wait around long enough and you're back.

So Mary Soul's like, wow, this car is gorgeous.

Almost as gorgeous as my colon.

But I'm cha.

All right.

You want to talk about my colon?

My colon is gorgeous.

It looks like a colon of a newborn.

I got my colon done.

It was my first colonoscopy.

You know, I just never went to do that.

I guess I waited too long.

I didn't know what the hell was going on down there.

I thought it was going to be a big black hole like Lars' face, but it turned out I've got an amazing colon.

It's gorgeous.

And I got the picture to prove it.

So then Stephanie's like, but what about your liver?

Oh, oh, how dare you say, oh, caught astray right there.

I mean, you realize you just fed me this booze in the back of your Rolls-Royce.

Or is this a Nissan Juke?

Am I right?

Commercials.

Here comes one right now.

Oh, summer is winding down, but you know what?

It's good to get back into a routine.

And I think it's time to refresh my style for the new season.

I'm looking for a lot of new stuff.

I'm always looking for new stuff to refresh my style.

And the best place to do it is where I do it always, Wayfair.

I know Wayfair is exactly where I go for a nice little refresh, whether it's my office, whether it's some dining room stuff.

I love what Wayfair does.

Wayfair is great.

I use it for the outdoors.

I use it for the indoors.

One of my favorite things about it is I can afford to get stuff from there and get it put together.

So I'm not always having to sit here and put it together.

People actually will come and put this stuff together and it all looks so, so good.

Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals with endless inspiration for every space and budget.

Wayfair's huge selection of outdoor items makes it easy to find exactly what's right for you.

Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine for way less.

Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.

That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

Searching for a romantic summer getaway, escape with Rich Girl Summer, the new Audible original from Lily Chu.

The exquisitely talented Philippa Sue returning to narrate her fifth Lily Chu title.

This time, Philippa is joined by her real-life husband, Steven Pesqual, from Rescue Me and American Son.

Set in Toronto's wealthy cottage country, aka the Hamptons of Canada.

Rich Girl Summer follows the story of Valerie, a down-on-her-luck event planner posing as a socialite's long-lost daughter while piecing together the secrets surrounding a mysterious family and falling deeper and deeper in love with the impossibly hard-to-read and infuriatingly handsome family assistant, Nico.

Caught between pretending to belong and unexpectedly finding where she truly fits in, Valerie learns her summer is about to get far more complicated than she ever planned.

She's in over her head and head over heels.

Fake heiress, real secrets.

Listen to Rich Girl Summer now on Audible.

Go to audible.com slash rich girlsummer.

Back at the party, Adriana arrives and poses.

She says, hi to Julia.

And Julia is like, oh, I sent a message to Marisol earlier to check on her colonoscopy.

And she said, everything is good.

And Adriana's like, oh, yeah, well, look, I know you're all up Alexia's ass, but I didn't know you were all up Marisol's ass too.

I mean, so much so that when her doctors, they are looking for polyps, he's going to find a little miniature Julia's head in there being like, I'm here, I'm here.

I'm like,

but I, it was actually like unsettling this metaphor, this, this, this joke that Adrian was saying, because Adrian like pushed, poked her head forward and was like,

really kind of sold the image of like lots of little Julia heads inside of Marisol's colon.

So Lisa comes and she's like, I'm definitely not going to be late with Stephanie because she yelled at me.

I don't want to hear that again.

Which, you see, guys, yelling at people does work sometimes.

And even Mary Soul's like, wow, she did something we couldn't do for a decade.

So, God, God, Colin's off to you, Stephanie.

She did something we couldn't do for a decade, which is bring the Nissan Juke back to a marketplace.

So, back on, congratulations, Stephanie, Nissan Juke powerhouse influencer.

So, Gertie arrives.

She's like, oh, yes, she said loud.

So, look, see, look, I'm loud.

She is loud, everyone.

And Julia is saying that she feels like everything is good.

Like everything is good with her and Gertie because after the goddess party, vibes were good.

They had good talking, et cetera.

And she thinks that everything is gonna be totally fine today, but we know it won't be.

No, it will not be.

I believe with baby steps, we could get hopefully where we once before.

Where?

So, Karamo comes over and he's like, Oh, Julia, thanks for coming, baby.

Oh, God, thanks so much for coming.

Hold on.

Oh, my God, this necklace.

Who's this little person?

God, I love your necklace.

I smell money.

I smell money, honey.

Oh, my God.

Is he always like this?

This guy, he is.

This guy is a lot.

This guy's a lot.

He's too much.

He's too much.

He's so fake.

So Stephanie.

You smell money.

You're not getting any of it.

So back the fuck up

off my girl.

Okay.

I don't even like this girl, but even I protect her.

I'm like putting my arms out.

Like, no, this is not for you.

You marry your own old rich senior citizen.

I think he did, actually.

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

Living the dream.

So Stephanie's like, listen, I can smell mine from a mile away too.

And I like it.

i like the way it smells it's a great compliment i mean who wants to smell like something else other than money i'm like yes who wants to smell uh on like

something that's like sat in someone's like butthole or

it's full of nasty germs in someone's crotch or pockets

people at the 7-eleven are wearing plastic gloves to touch the cash okay because it's nasty and i like when he's like oh my god you can smell money too right and she goes yeah my husband smells delicious.

She's so gross, this girl, Stephanie.

I don't, I don't like this.

She's definitely a tryhard.

I like her a lot, but she is a tryhard.

I still don't like her yet.

I'm still trying to give my housewives grace period, you know, but for right now.

So she's totally obnoxious.

But I like the way she, she, she stands.

She holds her own in a way that I really appreciate with this group.

So that's, that's really all I want.

But as you were saying, Kiki arrives and she has brought Carmen Carrera, known as a model and former drag race contestant.

And is this the first time?

I could be wrong, but is this the first time we've seen a friend of introduce a new friend of to the show?

Oh, that's true.

That's a good point.

I don't know.

I just saw that she was going to be on because there was a Bravo post.

It was like, welcome to a gorgeous new housewife coming.

Yeah.

But I don't really know anything else about her.

So Julie's like, oh, let me give you a prompt, new person,

I'm sorry, I don't know what to do with that.

Okay, so you did Victoria's Secret a show?

Did this sound natural?

And she's like, yes, well, I almost did about 10 years ago, but there was a petition for me to walk in the show, but they didn't allow it because there were no transgenders allowed.

And so that's why we do things like this.

That's when I became the first transgender coffee fetcher.

for the LGBTQ plus task force.

And that was Carmen, everyone.

everyone that was carmen carrera her big debut that was the last thing that she said on the episode um

they really like all week long bravo was like introducing carmen here comes carmen here comes carmen and she's like yes i was i was i was almost in a fashion show but people are bigots so anyway and then it goes she tried it she tried she tries later in the episode but they cut her off so she's gonna need to learn to be a little bit louder if she's gonna stick with this group so alexi is now uh grilling lisa about her lunch with Larsa.

She's like, but you also had lunch with Larsa.

And she's like, Yeah, we're working on it.

You know, I don't want to be negative, but like, one thing was kind of funny.

So, like, Larsa's like, you're narcissist because, like, I got the most flags or whatever.

But I go, listen to this, everybody.

I go, yeah, well, you're a narcissist.

Sounds like.

The host from that restaurant comes up to her.

It's like, excuse me, ma'am, you're still being a little bit too loud for our customers.

You just keep it down.

That scene was fucking amazing.

I was so upset not to be on the last recap.

It was what an episode.

What an episode.

It was pretty amazing.

You were missed.

Marisol's like, oh, monkey.

You're a worn Smith.

Wow.

I love it.

Marisol's so dismissive.

And Lars has, you know, that, you know, that Lisa's probably like, thanks, thanks.

So, um,

Marisol.

Let me tell you what I don't have.

A call insist.

Okay.

Little Lars assist.

Colin.

It looks like a five-year-old juke.

It's so small.

So now

they go in, they sit at their table.

It's the big, you know, like, welcome to the 2024 National LGBTQ Task Force, Gala.

Each of you has a trivet on the table, and we want everyone to bring their trivet to a different table, and you've completed your task for the evening.

Thank you so much.

So Alexia gets a ding and she's like, oh, look what Todd sent because I'm wearing the dress.

And Mary Sulliv's like, oh, what?

How did you know you were wearing that?

Oh my God, because of last night.

Because of last night.

And she's like, oh, you saw him last night.

You may not watan.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

How could you?

How could you?

Well, you know, last night I ran into Todd and we just like hung out all night.

And, you know, like, I don't know why we're protecting each other.

It's just like, that's just what happens when we see each other.

We want to be with each other.

And like, I love this man and he loves me.

And I'm just going by my heart.

I'm like, oh, God.

Give me a real drink.

That was too sweet.

I can't.

Oh, God.

Does anyone have a Nissan Juktini?

Guy, I need something strong around here.

And Stephanie says that she doesn't know Todd that well.

But from everything I've heard, I think Alexia is very blind to Todd's narcissistic tendencies.

She's not blind to it.

She just had a party.

I don't care what she says.

That party was a party about Todd last week.

She even says, she's like, I dated someone like this for a very long time named Todd.

And, you know, I want to be very subtle about about it i want to be subtle but you know i was dating this guy and he had like all these qualities of a narcissist so we're gonna have this party and we're gonna talk about narcissism and now she's like what that party wasn't for todd what are you talking about

She literally had a breakdown in a restaurant where she said, Todd is a narcissist.

I fucking hate narcissists.

All the narcissists should die.

And then the next episode, she's like, I've been thinking about narcissism a lot.

So I decided to throw an anti-narcissism party.

And then they get to the party and she goes, well, people think this is about todd but it's not about todd it's it's actually about all of them instead i'm like what

you literally you you you demanded his death so this is hilarious i was laughing so while she's so ridiculous so while they're here like they're in this gala and like a presentation is happening because we can hear presentation and critique's like ladies ladies ladies i don't want to scream but i want to be demure and i just want to make sure you got my text message about the party on tuesday it's a celebration of life it's white white cocktail.

I'm like, Goodie,

there's a thing happening on stage.

It's like, just so you know, I'm going to be publicly shaming Julia and I want to make sure you're all there.

Oh, did you freeze?

You froze and you froze like this and you're fake.

You got it.

You guys.

Yeah, I'm having a party to

talk about what an asshole Julia is, but my face is going to be blown up.

There's going to be blown up posters of my face.

It's going to be amazing.

So I didn't want to yell right now.

I just wanted to interrupt somebody talking about the black gay G LBTQ community, whatever.

Okay.

Are you coming?

And they're like, okay, sure.

I got lots of wives.

So many wedding dresses.

Well, I want to do some sort of donation of some sort.

So like to my group, Support Your Girlfriends.

They are wanting to present a check to a nonprofit to embed it in that whole breast cancer sphere.

So we're going to do support your girlfriends, but maybe not support the LGBTQ

platform because I'm going to talk all the way through it.

Okay.

So, then please welcome to the stage 2024 National Leadership Award recipient, Karamo.

So, he goes on the stage and he's like, tonight's theme is Karamo gets to be on Bravo.

And I realized a long time ago that any call to action starts with a call to Andy Cohen saying, when are you shooting another housewife show?

I will be there.

Just tell me when.

And here I am.

Thank you, everyone, so much for being here.

Yeah, so then Lisa is talking to Julius.

Like, I'm so proud of you.

Thank you so much for bringing us here.

You know, and I'm so proud of you for adopting two boys.

I'm so proud to be your friend.

And it's like, oh, thank you, little, little gravelly person.

Tonight, there's no drama, just how it should be.

And now, all I want to know is that my boys are growing up with lovely, lovely deas.

And then Karamo's like, now everyone, before I leave, turn to your neighbor and say, neighbor, never stop fighting.

Do you ever want to do that when you've got a housewives cast here?

No one's ever said that in the same room with these people.

Yeah, didn't Karamo, didn't he like moderate the like Vanderpump Rules panel at BravoCon?

No?

I don't know.

I thought he

moderated some panel and everyone was like, he clearly has not watched the show.

Here's what I did at BravoCon.

I went to like the first two minutes of panels and then I was like, this is stupid and boring.

And then I would go gamble.

That's that was my, that was my BravoCon experience.

I'm just imagining him saying this at the Vanderpoke Rules panel, being like, okay, I want everyone to look at each other and say, neighbor, never stop fighting.

And so they do this.

They all do it.

And then, of course, the screen kind of like glitches and freezes and it says 72 hours later.

And then we we see Gertie publicly shaming Julia.

I was like, oh no.

So we go to Gertie's party.

And,

you know, of course, Gertie's like, this party, it's about cancer.

and the cancer struggles.

But it's huge pictures of Gertie's face and then things like Gertie, you know, like big words and say like, Gertie, you got this girl.

I'm that bitch.

Yes.

And it's,

And this is like sponsored by the Knot.

The Not was so excited.

The Knot was like posting content yesterday being like, watch the Real House House of Miami tonight.

Like, we're on it.

I'm like, you're at an event where you publicly shaved.

You're part of like, like, the star publicly.

Like, you're part of an event of public shaming, but like, that's fine.

I guess any publicity is good publicity.

We got the box for this.

Didn't we get the box for this party?

Well, it wasn't this party.

It was from the not.

Do you remember?

We got a box from Gertie.

Wasn't it for this?

I think no, that gurdy box was something else.

That girdie box was.

Oh, it was gurdy box.

The gurdy box with the knot, yes, happened, but yeah, we got that, and it had like the sushi kit in it.

Was that where that sushi kit came from?

I was wondering where that sushi stuff came from.

Yeah, it was like a sushi kit making, like a sushi making kit thing in there.

It was like, girdie, the best sushi you'll ever eat, and a candle.

I go to find sushi.

Good to find

so.

She comes, uh, so their texts.

oh so then we see she's like tonight oh yeah we're seeing a clip of what's happening 72 hours later gurdy's like tonight i feel it's necessary to set the record straight by exposing the lies the lies and then we see text projected on the screen and mary soul's like oh this is dirty this is

dirty

yeah so we see that it's gonna go bad but now now we're back in the regular timeline and uh we're doing setup for this party it's gurdy's celebration of life and people are adjusting pink decorative twil and placing a large sign that says Gertify

on it.

And Gertie's saying, like, she feels like this is her debut.

It's her post-cancer debut.

It's going to be a year that she's been cancer-free.

And it's a party of life because she's alive and she did it, which is great.

And by the way, both events this episode are celebrating great things.

But of course, it's Miami, so they're also both messy.

And so Gertie is just really excited.

Her family's going to be there.

I was like, this is when I started to really get like, I felt

about the nat.

I felt one in my stomach, in my chest.

When she said her family was going to be there, and we already saw a preview of her publicly shaming Julia, I was like, is she going to be doing this in front of her sons?

I am already cringing.

Her sons aren't babies.

They're fine.

Yeah, but still.

Like,

Gertie's their mother.

I don't think this is the first time.

And I feel like Gertie's probably practiced this in her living room.

Like, okay, boys, come in here.

You be Julia, you be Martina.

And Russell, you can be just Mary Soul.

Just talk about colins.

Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

Are you ready?

So you get my poster boards.

Can you read them?

Can you read these?

The boys probably like, like, turn the screenshots into PDFs to be put into the slideshow.

That's true.

They probably like set it all up for her.

Like, okay, mom, have fun.

So, Gertie is like, oh, it's going to be one for the books.

This part is going to be amazing because what else would it be?

I'm Gertie.

This part is going to be Gordified.

Cancer just got it from me.

I told Cancer, I'm that bitch, Cancer.

And it it left.

It left my body.

It left my body.

It's my party.

I can wear what I want.

I can drink what I want.

I can say what I want.

I can do what I want.

In fact, I once heard a beautiful song that says, I do whatever I want, whenever I want, with no explanation.

It's Richard Marks.

Go look it up.

I sang the house.

Speaking of Real Housewives of Orange County, it's interesting that we're getting two episodes in a row this week that take place in a church.

Like, Bravo is really trying to bring us to Jesus this week because Orange County has a church scene coming up soon.

And that was South Park last night.

I mean, like, you know, Christian, Christian narratives are everywhere all over pop culture.

Did you see that?

South Park Park.

You watched South Park.

Did you hear about that?

Well, I watched last night's South Park because everyone was talking about it.

Really?

Well, I'll let you just

basically they

so

on, I think Monday, Matt Parker and Trey Stone or Trey Stone, Matt Parker, whatever their names are, those guys,

they signed signed a $1.5 billion

deal with

Paramount.

And then on Wednesday's show, they just savaged Paramount and Trump and all this stuff.

And basically they were like, it was, you know, like in the wake of all the Stephen Colbert stuff, which was total bullshit, everything, Stephen Colbert getting canceled.

They just savaged.

So everyone's like, oh my God, I can't believe they got their $1.5 billion from Paramount and then did this episode.

So I was like, okay, I have to watch.

And

it's wild.

And you should definitely, definitely watch it.

You will be able to watch it.

Well, I will now.

You will not believe.

You will not believe it.

When you see it, you will not believe it.

And it's hilarious because people are already mad at it.

And it's like, all these people who talked about free speech, free speech, free speech, or something like, well, this show should be taken off the air.

So it's great.

It's a fun time to be in pop culture.

Yeah.

Yeah, to girls.

You go, girl.

I was wondering about that deal because that's been a long time coming and there's been a lot of

threats of lawsuits and all this stuff.

It's not been an easy deal that.

So I'm glad they finally signed it.

Get your money.

Get your bags, y'all.

Yes.

Yes.

So that's some fun homework for you, Ronnie, to enjoy.

You will have

a field day with it.

I mean,

there was a lot of Jesus talk in it, too.

So it was just a whole lot of Jesus happening on my TV.

Oh, good.

Well, those guys are little rabble rousers.

They're the best game for sure.

So Gertie is like,

baby, baby, Russell, come here, kiss me.

You look so good, Russell, Russell, and Miles, Miles.

Oh, God, look at you.

I know you don't like when I cried.

Everybody, get super tight, super tight.

Remember, Pearly White, we're smiling.

We're gonna

so Julia arrives first.

And Gurdy's like, oh, hello, hello, hello.

And they have like a nice quick hello.

And then Gertie sort of like finds a reason to get out of there.

And Julia's like, oh, well, you know, Gertie made an effort to come to my event, and I am here to support her with goat, but unfortunately, goat got loose.

But I'm still here, and I'm optimistic.

At least she's trying to move forward, which is already a huge step.

Unfortunately, I also took a huge step and I stepped on an egg.

Oh, well.

So Gertie's, you know, doing her whole preamble.

One thing with cancer is it's your attitude.

Your attitude can be cancer to you.

And if you don't let things get you holding you down, if you let things hold you down, that's called stress.

And stress ain't good for nobody.

So down with stress.

Like every time they come to Gertie this episode, she's like, and let me give you another lesson.

And it's all leading up to the big reveal.

So funny.

So Julia, so Julia goes up to Russell and she's like, beautiful event.

And he's like, yeah, you know, it's Gertie.

This is what she does.

She's like, yes.

How are boys?

They're good.

Well, you know, we have two boys now.

He's like, like, Yeah, congratulations and good luck.

Just like we get an awkward

saying

it's super awkward, which is saying something because Russell's just awkward all the time, anyway.

I mean, he's not, he's never like comfortable, but it's awkward even for Russell.

And so she does that thing where she narrows her eyes and says,

Well,

I don't know if Gertie shared with you, but we had a moment and that I wish we did not have, but we are on a good path now, I feel.

And he's like, Hmm, well, I hope that everyone's able to move forward.

Excuse me.

I need to go make sure that the 90-foot image of my wife's face smiling and saying F cancer is properly taped onto the wall.

Okay.

This was starting to feel like the red wedding.

Like I felt like Julia walking in and Russell being like, oh, yeah, it's so nice to see you.

Like I was just like waiting for the orchestra to like duck out and step out and all the doors are shut on Julia.

So

Adriana is like, Adriana and Kiki and Larsa arrive.

And Gritty says hello.

And,

you know, Adriana points out that Julia is talking to Russell, etc.

And Kiki is now talking to Larsa.

And she's like, you know, this is like my mom's old church.

Larsa's like, really?

Like what?

I like.

She's like, yeah,

this is a church my mom, my son and I used to go to.

And there was lots of Baptist church, lots of penis in this room, lots of Baptist penis.

And now it's party event space.

I mean, we have so much memories being like, ah, amen, amen.

Strange bald men, penis everywhere.

But you know, it's great.

It's a perfect place for Gertie to have party.

She was funny.

She's like, oh my God, this church was crazy.

You jump, you dance, you do all this stuff, you know, and then we're speaking in tongues.

Yeah, it's a perfect place for Gertie's party.

Yeah.

So she introduces Carmen

to her.

And she's like, okay, well, now that you're meeting Larsa, you met the rest of the girls.

What do you think about everyone?

And so this was Carmen's chance.

So she goes, well, I've really only known everyone for like five minutes, but, and then

she's cut off.

Yeah.

Okay.

I thought she was about to start some shit, but no, she said nothing.

So then

Stephanie joins up and she's like, oh, well, aren't you a statement?

And Cory's like, yes, this necklace is a statement after your kinship for you.

Everything's a statement.

My goodness, your statement.

Like, okay.

So then Marisol arrives and she's like, oh, my God, Guaranty, you look like you belong on the top of a cake.

It's like, it's like a Nissan Juke sales event and they put a cake in the showroom and you're on top of it.

So Marisol is talking to Julia.

She's like, oh, I saw Russell's here.

Did you talk to Russell?

She goes, well, I did.

It was all the most awkward, you know, but he was uncomfortable.

And I guess he heard heard Gurdy's side of the story because he looked like I'm bad guy.

But I guess I'm glad we had the conversation with Gurdy.

Things are moving forward, I'm sure.

I'm sure no projection screen will be used tonight against me.

I don't know why I'm bad guy, just because I refuse to get seat for Gurdy for Captain Sandy and pour water on her head during wedding.

Like, what is so wrong with that?

I have two young boys now.

So Gurdy introduces her friends that she calls the glossy posse because I'm a breast cancer survivor.

And Julia is still talking to Mary Sal.

She's like, wait, something else.

I went out with Alexia and Todd, and apparently Todd was saying to me he's trying to win Alexia back.

And Marisol's like, oh, my dears, madre porque, no so.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Are you talking about the star?

Because I thought I heard you guys talking about the star.

So I assume you're talking about me.

No?

About me?

Because I was like, I have a feeling these two love talking about the star right now.

And Marisol's Maricelle's like, wow, she was telling me you ran into Todd and you guys like he's trying to win you back.

I mean, what's going on with that?

And then Stephanie like plops down next to them.

Now they're all four on this tiny little sofa thing.

And she's like, hi here.

Sorry.

I was getting away from some boogers.

Can't get them near my Birken.

That could be a t-shirt, right, guys?

Let's just think about that.

Why do you think he wants to win you back?

You don't look like you are pulling away from him.

And Stephanie's like, oh my God, are we talking about Todd?

Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd.

We had a party for him.

Remember?

We had that party for him, the Greek party.

And she's like, oh, that wasn't a party for Todd.

It was, it was for all of you that are a bunch of fucking narcissists, by the way.

By the way, it's about all of you.

And Stephanie's like, I guess, including you, right?

And she's like, no, I'm actually, no, no, I'm not.

I'm not.

Because I can't be a narcissist because I'm too much of an empath.

Okay.

And I'm not full of myself.

Like maybe you are.

Okay.

And then she starts doing that thing where she can start be full of herself.

I'm a star in an empath.

I can't be full of myself.

I die.

Oh my god.

She nods her head aggressively at you.

Like she's beating you with her head.

She's just like, oh, really?

Yeah, I can't do that because I'm an empath like you.

I also love how these women really can push the limits of passive aggression.

Like, you know, like that, that, that, that fine line between passive aggression and just aggression.

And, and, and they just, their passive aggression is so on that threshold.

I mean, that whole thing,

like, this entire dialogue was so amazing.

She's like, well, I'm an empath, so I can't, I'm not fooling myself.

Maybe like you are.

I don't know, but I'm not.

I'm empath.

He's like, no, Alexia, I'm not full of myself.

No, I'm not.

I'm not.

Unless the only thing that's full around me is my birkin bag full of money.

See, because I'm rich.

Well, don't say things about Todd then.

And she's like, no, but the party was based around Todd.

She goes, no, it was not based around Todd.

And she goes, but

the quotes were for Todd.

Like, the quotes there were about Todd.

She goes, no, they weren't about Todd.

Yes, they were.

Why are you lying?

Why are you trying to gaslight all of us?

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

See you over there, suckers.

Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

Ain't no thing like Allison King.

It's always a party on Allison Block.

Our way is the Amber Way.

It's the Foster and the Furious.

It's Amanda Foster.

She can run my country.

It's Angie McGovern.

It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offitt.

She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela.

Itchells!

We never miss her call, it's Diane Call.

Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis.

Hava Nagila Weber!

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

I go, Hugo, we all go for Hugo.

Jamie, she has no less namie.

She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.

Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Pristin the Piston Anderson.

Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B.

K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino.

Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burg.

This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

She sure is swell.

It's Raquel.

Yes, we can.

It's Sedana.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

And our super premium sponsors.

She's V V I P, it's Amanda V.

Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

It's our queen.

It's Queen Laifa.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish.

It's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh.

She's Jill Hirsch.

Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door.

My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Al Kalani.

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop.

It's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tam Laplain.

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

She ain't no shrinking violet couchar.

We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wonderry.com slash survey.

It's your man, Nick Cannon, and I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at Night.

I've heard y'all been needing some advice in the love department.

So, who better to help than yours, truly?

Nah, I'm serious.

Every week, I'm bringing out some of my celebrity friends and the best experts in the business to answer your most intimate relationship questions.

Having problems with your man, we got you.

Catching feelings for your sneaky link?

Let's make sure it's the real deal first.

Ready to bring toys into the bedroom?

Let's talk about it.

Consider this a non-judgment zone to ask your questions when it comes to sex and modern dating in relationships, friendships, situationships, and everything in between.

It's gonna be sexy, freaky, messy, and you know what?

You'll just have to watch the show.

So don't be shy.

Join the conversation and head over to YouTube to watch Nick Cannon at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

Want to watch episodes early and ad-free?

Join Wondery Plus right now.