#2927 The Valley S2E14 Part One: Jax On, Jax Off with Dylan Hafer

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Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker.

Ronnie is out and today in his place, we have the esteemed and glorious and wonderful Dylan Hafer from Betches.

Great to see you, Dylan.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

How are you?

I am great.

I'm excited to talk about the valley.

You know,

it's a great day.

I always love talking about what those crazy kids are up to.

Yeah, well, it's a great day to be talking about the valley.

It is probably the hottest show on TV right now.

And oh, oh, oh, I don't know if you heard that.

It sounds like we have some breaking news.

Um, this just in about three minutes ago, according to me.

Jax Taylor is stepping away from the valley.

Can you even believe it, Dylan?

This news just broke right before we started recording.

How are you processing you know i um

i wish him well i

you know i love that really he got to make this decision for himself that he needs to step away yes to focus on his recovery and i'm i hope that he feels good about this decision um and i

i won't miss him so

Yes, and it was definitely his decision.

He, I mean, 100%.

He chose.

He was like, you know what?

I'm going to leave this show voluntarily.

This is definitely a Jax Taylor decision.

100%.

If, you know, if there's anything Jax is going to do, it's claim that it's his show and then be promptly removed from the cast the following season.

So he's two for two in that sense.

Yes, he is.

Well, you know, maybe that social media job in Tampa finally worked its way out.

You know, like maybe they got through the red tape.

Like, look.

The hockey team is ready for you, Jax.

I know you're on the valley, but it's time.

It's time to come to Tampa.

Oh, man, I'm coming home.

I'm coming.

I can't wait.

I'm coming home to hockey.

Man.

Yeah.

So he's clearly fired, like, obviously clearly fired.

And, you know, I feel like that's a good call.

It's interesting timing of the announcement that it's the season finale is next week, and then there's a reunion, which I believe he was at the reunion.

So it's,

it's like, I'm not quite sure why they're announcing it today,

but

I'll take it whenever it comes.

Yeah, that is surprising.

It is a little surprising.

Normally they announce the firings like right after the reunion is done, right?

It's like

right after or maybe during the reunion, but like not, it's still, it's just a shade early.

Maybe, maybe Bravo has to announce like a lineup.

Maybe there's like a BravoCon lineup or something or something that has to be announced that they have to like get this out of the way first.

They should start doing, you know, like on America's Next Top Model when they would have the composite photo of all the girlies and then the one would sort of like dissolve away at the end of the episode.

They should start doing that with Bravo firings.

Like at the end of the reunion, it's just like Jax kind of like, you know, gets like snapped away from the cast photo.

Yeah, I think that would be, I would love to see that.

What do you think about this firing?

Do you think this was the right move?

I mean, I'm a very big proponent of villains on Bravo, and I don't think that we should fire our villains just because they're villains.

However, I think Jax did cross cross a line.

I think like the stories of what he was doing with Brittany were, it was just, it was a bit too much.

What do you think?

I think the thing with villains is that like there has to be some give and take with somebody's dynamic in a cast.

And I think on a show like The Valley, you have two people like Kristen and Janet who are able to sort of

play off of each other in a way.

And, you know, Janet especially, I think, is

very polarizing with the audience, but there is sort of, she's not,

she's able to kind of like, you know, get it back sometimes and kind of play different levels.

And I think with Jax, just this whole season has just felt so depressing.

And watching him go to rehab and be, you know, more or less away for half the season and then come back and if anything, show

the opposite of growth, the opposite of progress.

It feels like he's been more reactive and more angry.

And he's nothing that Britney is saying to him is clicking.

You know, we'll get to this week's episode, but it just feels like with him, at least for right now, I don't, you know, never say never, there's just no, there's nowhere to go with his storyline, really.

Yeah, there's like nowhere even to go with him as a reality star.

I mean, I think like the, I think everyone was really horrified by the story of how he like flipped a table and was throwing things and broke like bar stools.

And like, yes, he did not like, he didn't throw, he didn't like throw them at Brittany.

Like, technically, they didn't hit her, but it's still such a violent

expression that it's scary.

And it feels like it's just a shade away from something.

Like, just no, I don't think any of us wanted to really stand for that and wanted to like have that.

Like, you know, I don't think anyone wanted to see a redemption arc for this guy.

Cause the thing is that this show is his redemption arc.

Like, it, like, he already was fired.

And, like, this was supposed to be his redemption arc, and he still didn't get his shit together.

There's sort of an element of like, this show is pretty stacked on the villain front.

You know, you've got, you've got Janet, you've got Jesse.

There's plenty of other people who could probably step into the role.

So, Jax isn't even really needed as a villain anymore here.

Yeah, we're so fortunate to have so much going on in this cast that this feels like an

it feels like an easy and obvious decision.

And I think there are on a lot of shows, if you had somebody with this kind of position, you would think like, oh man, I wish we could do this without them.

But then what, what would the show be?

And I feel like with The Valley,

there's lots of room for season three.

And I'm excited to see Brittany in her single girl era without Jax, you know, lurking in the back of the frame all the time.

So yeah, I think season, this makes me more excited for season three,

not less.

I'll tell you what, I'm not excited about.

I'm not excited about what's going to be clearly happening for Jax post-the valley, which is a plunge into the manosphere.

I think we're going to see him like

going like hard right.

I think we're going to be like, we're going to see him complaining about people being woke.

I think we're going to see him doing the Rob Schneider route, and it's going to be so annoying.

It's just going to be him complaining about you can't even say anything anymore.

You know, you try to grow like people don't want to listen to you anymore.

You know, like the white male is the most discriminated person in America.

Like, you know, he's going to do all those things and it's going to be so tiresome.

And no one's going to want to hear it.

And he's going to, he's going to find an audience and he'll wind up on some show.

It'll, it's really going to be a terrible trajectory.

That is my complete prediction for him.

I, I agree with that prediction.

The silver lining for me is that I've been blocked by Jax for years, so I won't be able to see any of it.

That's true.

Yeah, we were blocked as well.

So, yeah, it's, it's very fortunate on that front.

But yeah, terrible trajectory for him.

He's, I mean, he's really,

really also like what, if you just look at his entire trajectory since when he arrived on Bravo to now, I mean, this is really the descent of someone.

And real, and by the way, this is also a real, real good case study for why you should get into therapy before it's too late.

Because like Jax is, he's like a lost cause, if you ask me.

It's crazy how pretty much everyone else who was a long-running cast member on Vanderpump Rules Rules is like kind of has something going on.

Even Tom Sandoval has been able to sort of

steer the ship a little bit in the last couple years.

You know, he's going to be on House of Villains.

He was on Traders.

He's still doing the music thing, I think.

He's found his niche as a villain now.

He's leaned into it and he's fine.

He's found his niche.

He's showed like just enough, you know, consternation or whatever.

And pretty much everyone else that was on that show, maybe with the exception of James Kennedy right now, but like Jax is kind of the one person who has never been able to like

lock in and figure it out.

And I think the time that's kind of run.

He was on House of Villains, but I didn't feel like, was he good on that?

I actually never watched House of Villains.

Did you ever, did you see it at all or no?

It's hard to go off properly, I find.

I've never sat down and watched it.

The fact that that was an E-show in like 2023 seemed like an indicator of kind of the quality level.

I am curious.

It's moving to peacock next season so i'm i'm wondering if they're going to kind of try and make that a little bit more of a thing but um i don't think jax really made much of a splash when he was on that show Yeah, I mean, even if he did, it's still like, it wasn't the way Tom Sandoval made a splash on Traders, where like people left Traders saying like, oh my God, I really like Tom.

Like that was his, that was his, like, he finally like broke out of Skandoval jail with that.

Like people

were like, okay, we are, we are willing to take you back into our lives in this new role as like dumb idiot villain.

But, like, Jax, you know, he was trying to parlay all this into like an HGTV show for a while.

He and Brittany were peddling a home makeover show.

He was trying to do everything.

And it's, you're right.

Everyone's kind of doing something to some degree.

Well, I don't know about Katie.

Katie is doing something somewhere, but she has no wait.

She has, I'm sorry, no, she does have a sandwich shop.

You cannot discount that.

That sandwich shop does very well.

People are always in line for it.

A sandwich shop, a podcast, and a dream.

I don't don't know how Puck Red Pout is doing these days, but the sandwich shop is alive and well.

Maybe she can do, maybe she can also resurrect Pandora's old thing, The Divine Addiction.

But

you look, James May is having a moment.

So

look, I mean, Katie does have a podcast.

I mean, so Jax does have Jax's, but I feel like Jax's bar is just like a licensed whatever.

But yeah, Jax just really isn't doing anything.

He really,

you know, actually,

if you look at his peers peers who were similarly expunged post-2020, Stasi and Kristen, Kristen is fully, you know, back in the fold.

Audiences love her.

She's grown and she's put in the work.

Stasi has also

seems to have put in the work as well.

And she's like super popular.

She's back.

Like everyone is grown.

He has stayed stuck.

And he tried to pretend like he wasn't, but we are seeing like, no, he is done.

And what about Danica?

Where's Danica?

Well,

that's a great question.

I ask that all the time.

Where is Danica?

Who is she hitting right now?

Justice for her.

What a forgotten time that was.

What a time.

No, what a time.

Okay.

Well, what a time this is because we have to start talking about this show.

The Valley.

We're penultimate episode of the season before the reunions.

Such a good season.

It's, this is like, I feel like everyone's talking about the valley, right?

I mean, what's it like on your end at Betches?

I mean, I feel like you have more of an ear to the, to like the vibe of what's going on in New York media circles, et cetera.

I'm just going to say that because you're wearing a Matisse t-shirt.

You're like so sophisticated.

But like the scuttle butt, like industry scuttle butt, I feel like everyone's talking about it.

I feel like this is the biggest buzzworthy show in Bravo right now.

Well, last year when it premiered, it was such a, it was such a surprise the way that this show

just worked from like really right from the jump, because when it was first announced, people were like deeply unenthused about the prospect of a show about parents with little kids and Jax and Brittany and crazy Kristen.

And oh, we're going to see what they're riding around on a little, you know, little Tykes tricycle in the valley.

What is that?

Yeah.

And so I think like

this show,

it had a tough sort of job to do, and it just worked so well.

And this cast has so many layered dynamics to it.

And I think, almost similar to the way that Vanderpump Rules was able to do in the early seasons, it really felt watching the first season of the Valley.

Like this was a cast with history, and these people actually know each other.

And there's lore to be discovered between all of them.

And there's going to be side characters and stories to, you know, dig up and, rumors and gossip and all of that.

And I think season two has done a good job of sort of building on that momentum and

bringing in some different

side characters.

I think Sheena being around on this show has worked better than I expected.

I think Tom Schwartz also kind of makes sense in this world.

Lala,

I'm a little hesitant still, but we'll see.

But I think overall, it's just been, it's been a really exciting show.

And it feels like they have potentially like the gas in the tank that this could go on for several seasons and stay pretty interesting.

Yeah, they have a deep roster of people that are interesting that you want to watch.

And you're right, they do have a lore.

And you also get the feeling like a lot of these people are going to probably stick with the show for a while because I kind of think it's like what they, it's really all they have.

And so I think, I think we are set up for something good here.

And it's just, it's so cool to see how the show has been really like,

uh, aside from Love Island, which of course was like, you know, took over pop culture for six weeks.

I feel like The Valley has been the thing that people have been really, really talking about.

Like, it's so cool to watch a like a variety roundtable.

Uh, and Seth Rogan is on there talking about how he love he loves watching The Valley.

I don't know why, like, we don't need validation from Hollywood actors, you know, to love what we love, but it's just really cool when our shows sort of you know permeate the intelligentsia and these like very high-fallutin FYC

panels that they put on at this time of year.

Yeah, and I think also

they did a good job.

Something that I've talked about with season one is they did a good job of Kristen and Jax and Brittany being central characters without it feeling like they were always the protagonists like they were always sort of the heroes of the show and i was worried i i think like talking about jax leaving it's funny because it was sort of my concern when it premiered that we were going to get like Jax's side of every story, and it was going to be the Jax show.

And it really, it really didn't end up like that.

And I think that that has, that's part of what has worked so well that it really feels like we're sort of riding the roller coaster with all these people versus just kind of, it doesn't feel like a vanity project for the Vanderpump rules, you know, OGs.

It feels like, oh, you guys are thrown right back in the mix with everybody else, and you're still going to have to, you you know, scrape and claw for a good, you know, a good edit just like everybody else.

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see when Vanderpump Rules comes back, how it can live on Bravo anymore.

Now that I feel like we're kind of now

focusing our attention on the valley and we also have southern hospitality for our young hospitality people.

And I, I, I, I'm very open to the new Vander Pump Rules.

I think it was the 100%

correct decision to reboot it, start fresh, get back into the restaurant.

But I think that like it's people are going to, I think it's going to have an uphill battle.

I think people are going to, are not going to be open to it and they're going to just shit on it right away.

Yeah,

I agree.

I'm optimistic, like I try to be with everything on Bravo, because let's face it, I'll watch it whether it's good or not, and I'll talk about it either way.

But

yeah, no, some exceptions.

The valley being really good and Southern hospitality being really good gives Vanderpump Rules a really

tall order.

So, we'll see.

Yes.

All right.

Well, let's get into today's episode.

We start with some different scenes around the valley.

We have Michelle painting Isabella's nails, and she shows Isabella a photo of Jesse and Aaron kind of palling around together, which is surprising.

And she's like, Isabella, did you see this picture of Daddy and Aaron?

Daddy is silly, and he's wearing a hat.

Isn't that funny, Isabella?

I can't like the

ups and downs between Michelle and Jesse.

It's like, but you don't think Daddy is silly.

You think he's like a war criminal.

Yes.

She's putting on a brave face.

You know, the ups and downs, I thought you were going to say of his hair dent that he always has, but I guess you meant their emotional paths instead.

Something about the phrase daddy and Aaron, I just don't, I don't enjoy.

It doesn't feel good on the mouth.

Yeah, and I don't I don't think that this like um Jesse Aaron alliance is gonna last much longer like this is this is very tenuous it's gonna collapse and shambles very quickly absolutely not

um we have zach let me go to zach's apartment zach's doing laundry with bungie um zach doesn't get much to do this episode which is sad uh zach has had a really good breakout season where he felt he and jasmine have felt much more central to the show than last year last year they definitely felt tacked on you know yeah and i think it benefits the show not to have every, everyone in like a married couple.

And so I think also having the two divorces in the mix has really like shaken things up.

And it doesn't just feel like it's like everything's a double or triple date, which I appreciate.

But

I'm so glad that Zach has someone around to do his laundry now.

Yes.

So then we wind up, speaking of Jasmine, we now go to Sherman Oaks and she has a listing.

I didn't realize that she was doing real estate.

Was that was this ever announced?

Or did she just break into a house?

Doesn't Michelle do real estate too?

Yeah, and Jesse.

And Jesse.

Obviously, they were, you know, they were realtors together.

But like, I didn't know about Jasmine, or if I did know, I had long since forgotten.

Jasmine is, she's an at Benning and she will sell this house today.

You know, she's, she's, she's going to make it happen.

She will, but also at the same time, like Jasmine, you got to think about like your people.

Okay.

We've all seen, we've all seen Danny and Nia's apartment.

It is the most cramped space on Bravo.

Like every time we have to go to a scene in Dana Nia's apartment, I'm like, oh no, like breathe deeply.

It's just like, it's, it's like there's like no windows.

There's like no light in there.

And there's like toys everywhere.

There's like just clutter everywhere from all these children.

And I'm like, and when Jasmine takes them to this place that we find out is actually like 800 square feet smaller than what they already live in.

Jasmine, why are you doing this to us?

Yeah, to this.

This is some like house hunters international type of thing where it's like, they're like, okay, I want, you know, 10,000 square feet and AC in every room and blah, blah, blah.

And they're like, okay, so here's a shanty.

And,

you know, it was a lovely home.

It was a lovely home.

But this house felt like a production plant to me because there's no way.

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Jasmine must be very bad at her job for this to be the house she chose for them.

Yeah, Jasmine, Jasmine, you know what this family is about.

And on top of that, I did spy that there was an AC wall unit.

And I'm like, wow, for $1.1 million, you're not getting central air.

I'm sorry.

That's this is like, I would not even go any further.

As soon as I saw that wall unit, I'd be like, I'm not entering this house.

I'm turning around.

I'm not wasting my time here.

The single sink in the, in the, in the master bathroom is, is tough.

She's miss USA.

Come on.

I know, she's missing.

Exactly.

There was like so many.

I was actually just like offended.

I was offended on behalf of Danny and Nia, you know, and like I thought Nia was trying to be optimistic.

She's like, well, if it's laid out nicely, it could be really functional.

I'm like, no, I see that it's small.

Like if something looks small on TV, it's going to be way smaller, you know, in person.

There's no way that entire brood is going to work in there.

Daniel, look, it's a Jack and Jill bathroom.

I hate a Jack and Jill bathroom, by the way.

I hate,

I feel like I'm going to get ambushed.

I never have had a Jack and Jill bathroom in like a home, but in college, I lived in a dorm that was like two single rooms with a bathroom in the middle.

And so you had to lock and unlock the other door every time.

And it was like, it stressed me out to no end because I'd be like, did I forget to lock it?

What if he forgets to unlock it?

What if I can't go to the bathroom?

Do I have to pound on the door?

Do I wait?

Do I try to listen?

Like, it's so stressful.

And like, I don't want to be.

So then your child has to do that.

Like, they're going to walk in on their sibling.

It just feels like, no, no, no, no.

I don't, I don't like more than one entrance to a bathroom.

And you would have four,

you would have two children on each, you'd have, it would be Jack and Jack and Jill and Jill.

It's too many Jacks and Jills,

too many, too many possibilities.

I just don't want any of it.

And I, I, I rebuke it.

And by the way, I just want to say, I want to say I'm going to hold space for your college experience because that sounded terrible, what you just described.

It was okay.

I don't want to act like I'm just glossing over that.

That was terrible.

It was a, it was a nice building, but with the layout was not ideal yeah it's it's yeah

it sounds like jasmine must have like sold it to the campus because it's like didn't make any sense for a college guys it's perfect i

i got it please get me the commission please oh jasmine come on you could do better um well we do know that they have actually moved up to santa clarita right like i think that was in the headlines that they did get a place up there yes The only two places on earth, Sherman Oaks and Santa Clarita.

I know.

I'm like, you surely could have found a nice size home close, like closer than Santa Clarita.

Santa Clarita is far.

I don't care.

Every time he says, oh, 20-minute drive north, I'm like, it is not a 20, it's 20 minutes at midnight.

It is not 20 minutes any other time.

It's like, it's going to be 45 minutes at least.

And I'm so mad about the Santa Clarita agenda that he has.

Like, you have to, you should stay with your peers.

This cast between Jesse spending a lot of time in Newport and,

you know, them moving to Santa Clarita, they're going going to spend a lot of time in the car next season.

Yeah.

Well, it's like the Beverly Hills cast.

I mean, for a while there, when you had like Yolanda in Malibu and Erica in Pasadena, I mean, those distances are massive.

Like, people really don't realize how far apart those are.

People just think these are just all like areas.

It's, I can't give an equivalency, but like, that's like a 90-minute drive to go from one end to the other.

Like, and you're going

and you're going to meet for happy hour with your enemy, and you're probably going going to storm off before you even finish the first drink.

Precisely.

So anyway, they look at this place and it's like,

this is terrible.

This is not the right choice.

And, you know, Danny, of course, says like five different times, four under four, four into four.

So they finally do what they're there to really do, which is to sit down and talk shit.

Right.

So

they

go to sit down and they're talking about like, you know,

Nia won't even say Janet's name anymore.

She calls her Voldemort of the Valley, which I thought was actually pretty good.

That was a pretty good read.

I feel like Nia has Nia has gotten more comfortable this season being a little messy, you know, making a shady comment or two.

She's not just like the former, you know, Disneyland princess anymore.

And like, I, I like when she kind of gets in the mud a little bit like that.

Yeah, I famously on the first episode of the show i thought nia was going to be a monster like the way that she was like a beauty queen but then she would call danny daniel at all times i was like oh just wait we're gonna pull we're gonna pull those layers off and she's gonna be the biggest monster and she has literally been like a delight ever since like i i i eat my words every day but it is nice to see her getting a little bit of an edge have you noticed by the way that when kristen is talking to nia she also says daniel like you can tell that she's like yeah so that so so with Daniel, you feel like it's

I just want to honor her wishes.

That's how she prefers to address them.

So, I shall address them that way as well.

Daniel.

Yeah, there's like, I'm like, Kristen, don't do that.

Cause that's clearly one of those, like, couple things

where it's like a, um, it's some sort of signifier of like proxy of like, like, our, an elevated relationship, right?

Like, like, we like he is my husband, so he is not just Danny, he's Daniel.

This is going to signify that I have a different relationship with him than the rest of you do.

Right.

You guys are, you know, his friends who yell at him for drinking in the closet, and I am his person.

And so to me, it's a more sacred bond.

And so I use the, the, the Christian name, Daniel.

It requires a formal declaration of his name.

Look, if it's not.

If it's working for them.

It does seem to be.

It seems to be.

By the way, what do you think about the whole Danny thing?

You know, as since you're here as a guest, let's check in.

I know that we haven't, this is a little bit old news on the show, but I would love to hear your thoughts on Danny.

Do you think Danny has a problem?

I've had complicated feelings about it all season because it seems like he has some stuff to work on.

It seems like he has some adjustments to make, some things to look into.

And I don't...

I don't have an issue with other people in the cast bringing that up because what are we here to do if not, you know,

throw mud at each other?

By the time we were in Hawaii, it felt a little bit like beating a dead horse and a little bit like, okay, we're not actually having a productive conversation about this.

So

maybe with respect to the Jasmine situation,

let's table this and maybe speak about it in a more serious manner.

And it feels like Janet has been kind of trying to

use that to, you know, score points for herself a little bit, which I don't love.

But at the end of the day, I mean, yeah, it definitely seems like there's a little bit of a concerning,

you know, pattern of behavior with him.

Yeah,

I don't know, nor could I diagnose whether or not he's

an alcoholic, but it sounds like he's a bad drunk at the very least.

And like, you can be a bad drunk without being an alcoholic.

And I think he needs to be a better drunk.

He's like too old to be that sloppy.

It's like, it's like a Dorinda medley in a very different font where it's like

there's different fonts.

Because every, you know, it felt like every season of Roni for a while, it was like, Dorinda's an alcoholic.

And it's like, is she?

I don't know.

Does it seem like she maybe should drink less sometimes?

Yeah.

We're like, yeah.

Not everything has to be like alcoholism, unless like someone decides, okay, you know, like this is, this is not right for me.

But like some people, like, you know, with Danny, you know, I've I've had some friends who like when they get drunk, they just are like the worst.

And you know, just, and I, I kind of stopped being friends with them because they're just like annoying.

And I don't think they're alcoholics.

It's just like they, oh, this, like, they let out all their, like, all their bullshit.

And you're just like, I don't want to deal with this.

And I kind of feel like Danny is that way.

Like, once you see him start drinking, you're like, oh, gosh, I don't want to have to co-sign to this misery right now.

Right.

You're like, okay, this, this dinner is going to be less fun in 20 minutes because Danny just took three shots.

Yes, exactly.

It's like having to pretend like you're amused when he's like taking three shots to catch up and you're like, but we're not in college anymore.

You don't have to do that.

Just drink at your own pace.

It's okay.

Really, like, nobody here is sloshed right now.

Everybody has just like been enjoying a drink.

Yes, exactly.

Anyway, so now we go over to Sheena's house because I think we're going to be, if I remember correctly, we're going to be cutting back and forth.

And we see Janet.

Speaking of Janet, she's pushing a stroller up to Sheena's house.

And there was something about the way that Janet was pushing that stroller.

I was like, There's no baby in there, that's like a stuffed animal.

It was like the stroller was like bouncing all over the place in a certain way.

I was like, Has she ever used this stroller before?

I don't know what's happening.

It's like when you watch a baby, it's like when you watch,

you know, in a theater or something, and it's like every prop is like too light, like the backpack doesn't have anything in it, the pitcher has no water.

It's you could tell

she's met up with uh Michelle and Sheena and like, you know, it's baby time and everything.

And so

Janet's saying like, well, the trip ended with Kristen saying that she was going to beat my ass.

So she brought Danny and Nia's names up and said something about how Jason and I were attacking Danny.

And yes, you know, I've talked about things that he's done, but like, you know, I'm not making up false rumors about him.

I'm like,

you aren't, but like, you, like, you just made up with him and then you, you then blurt out that he committed sexual assault.

It's just Janet

Janet.

She like really, really

is deliberately missing the point here.

Like, she's, she really is trying to have her cake and eat it too.

And it's like, I, on, on a very specific level, I get where you're coming from, but like, don't pretend that you don't see the issue, basically.

Yeah.

Why does Janet, for some reason, remind me of Amy Klobuchar?

Isn't that weird?

When will she throw a stapler at someone's head?

I feel like I can imagine Janet eating salad with a comb, you know?

Wow, that is

evocative.

It's not where my mind would have gone, but

I respect the journey.

That just popped into my head, and I felt like I needed to share that with, I needed to put that out there.

And I'm going to have to see if people co-sign.

I hope she does.

I hope she does a Baltimore Halloween costume.

Like, own it, own the comparison.

I think that would be, that's what I want to see from her next.

Yes, I would like that.

So, um, so then, yeah, so Jan, Jen's basically complaining about Kristen coming at her.

And Sheena's like, well, that's what Kristen does.

She latches on, you know, to like the popular girl.

And she like doesn't care who she has to step on to get there, which is funny because it's like Sheena, who like has spent her entire career trying to be in with the popular girls.

Sheena, Sheena going back to like season one of Vanderpump Rules when she's on dish duty or whatever, while, you know, the plastics of Sir are treating her like shit it's like it is funny that sheena is once again in the position on this show of sort of like needing to latch on to people to to get screen time and uh you know maybe it's a little pot and kettle situation there i love that they're all angry at sheena for bringing janet into the mix like if it weren't for sheena we wouldn't have even had janet she was a fan sheena met janet which i love i love that this is like sheena's contribution to the valley

yeah she's she's doing her best she's doing her best also she's wearing this like big oversized t-shirt that says Valley Brat.

And I'm just like, so you're wearing, it's not merch for the show, but it feels like it is adjacent to the show that you are trying to weasel your way into it.

I'm like, Sheena, wear a plain black t-shirt, anything else.

We know what you're up to, Sheena.

Okay.

She's like, yeah,

I'm so Valley.

Do you remember Sheena in the Marina?

She slipped through so many different eras.

I know.

She really tried to make Rena Del Rey Rey a thing, but it just didn't quite didn't quite work out.

It was.

When Sasse did that diagram on Vanderprimp Rules, like that was no joke.

I don't know if you're familiar with LA geography, Dylan, but like

Sasse laid it out plain and clear, and there was no lies detected there.

It was, it's like, it was very, like going to Marina Del Rey is like, you have to suit up.

Like you have to prepare yourself.

Well, it's just, I mean, the nice thing about the valley or, you know, sir back in the day when they all lived in Weho, basically, basically, is it's like, it does feel like that sort of, we're just hanging out in the neighborhood aspect.

And something, something shifts a little bit whenever, when you can sense that everyone's been in the car for an hour to get there.

Yeah.

That's a very good point, as opposed to just like coming by with your stroller into Sheena's new house that looks like everyone else's house.

So

it really looks exactly like Katie and Tom's and Tom and Ariana.

Modern farmhouse or farmhouse, doorway, you walk through the front door.

to the right is some sort of like living ish living area to the left is maybe a formal dining room you walk through staircase on the right then like den area with your what's it called the love love sack or whatever the love sack sofa that they're talking about yeah the cloud couch there kitchen here at cloud yeah

kitchen here with the island they have the exact same layout I'm not mad at it, though, by the way.

It's a nice layout.

I actually like it.

Like $1.1 million.

That's probably why, I mean, like, honestly i mean you know jasmine you got to sell like the valley special do the do the shiplap modern farmhouse look not this tiny little you know little

modified rv

without wheels

speaking of which so basically so so janet's basically complaining that like She doesn't even know where to go.

She goes, you know, with Nia and Daniel, she does call him Daniel, by the way.

This is how you know this is serious because everyone's calling him Daniel now.

But she's like, I just don't know where to go.

It sucks because all this stuff happened.

And if Daniel is still drinking, I don't know if I necessarily want to be super close to him, you know.

And so, um, she's saying that she hasn't talked to them at all.

So, I mean, now we go back over to Jasmine's listing, and Nia's like, Well, you know, we haven't been feeling good vibes from the one who shall not be named, but like, you know, they all bought Jason so nice.

And they all start talking about how, like, oh, Jason, like

he's like, poor Jason, because we all like Jason, but he gets sucked into this.

It's too bad.

He's losing friends.

Where do you stand on Jason?

I don't do I stand anywhere on Jason.

I just don't.

Like, to me, he's such a nothing.

He doesn't bring a lot to the table.

I mean, he's a nice guy,

I'm sure.

You know,

he seems like

too much of a Jax apologist, though, to be as nice as he seems, right?

That's, yeah, it's tough.

He's a little too, like, I don't have strong feelings about him, but he does seem a little too into the guys' chat.

Like, it's just

a little less of that.

A little, you know, I don't, I don't love his energy.

Yeah, I feel like he's bros before a hose at the worst time.

And then he's sometimes oddly hoes before bros at the worst time.

Yeah, he doesn't.

He's, I don't think I like agree with the way he kind of like moves through situations.

But at the same time, I'm like, there's at least three worst men on this show so

that's what i feel like i feel like he's probably the best of the men i mean i know people really don't like him because he's with janet and he is his worst his worst thing i think is he is a jax apologist and uh we have a call in show on mondays uh every other monday crappy hour everyone should watch it one of our listeners um called in and made a really good point which is that like what jax did is technically domestic violence or or it would appear to be.

Like, even if he didn't hurt Brittany, the act of like throwing the tables and everything could be considered domestic violence.

And Janet is so,

is so quick to call what Danny did sexual assault and say, well, that's just legally what it's called.

And Jason backs her up.

And yet, we don't see that same energy from those two going towards Jax, especially from Jason, the lawyer.

Yeah,

the legal clarification from Janet was so stupid to me because it's like, first of all,

we're not in a courtroom.

You don't have to.

You're not a lawyer.

You don't have to think.

And also, it's like, you're the wife of a lawyer.

So it's like, okay, if I'm married to a doctor, I like have to use the like scientific medical term for everything, or else I'm like betraying my, you know, spouse's profession.

It's like, who

that's not how the world works.

Yeah, no, it's, it's it's it's painful, but that being said, with all that being said, I do think Jason is the best of the guys, um, which is shocking because some people would say maybe Danny, but I do think that Danny is a really bad drunk.

And I think that Jason, he seems actually like a very smart guy, and he's trying, I feel like he tries to be like level-headed and rational, but I think that he has, unfortunately, in this second season, he's definitely missed the mark several times, and so he's really like going downhill in terms of like esteem.

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Yeah, he's losing out on the ability to use the excuse of, like, oh, I'm just getting dragged into this because of my wife.

And

I don't know.

It is tough to think about, though.

Like, imagine getting cast on a show like this as a couple, and then your wife is like America's number number one villain, and you're like,

I guess I'll go get a tattoo on my ring finger.

This is fun.

Lock that in.

Actually, by the way, I'm going to say that I think Zach and Luke are superior men to Jason.

Sure, yes.

I was just thinking in terms of like the guys and the guys' chat.

Like,

yeah, I was thinking of like of like the Jesse.

I was thinking of like Jesse, Jax, Danny, and

Jason.

Like, that's what I was thinking of.

But, like I think guys chat no homo

definitely no Zach in there

yeah but in terms of like actual

of the actual males beyond that I think it's probably Zach is like number one followed by Luke like that's like like that feels right that feels

because um Luke has gotten rid of a lot of the red flags from last season, it seems like he's not talking about Colorado anymore.

Thank God.

Yeah, and he seems to be more accepted by the cast too, by the way.

Last season, they seemed to barely even want to be around him.

And now they all seem to really revere him.

Yeah, I wonder what happened.

We got to.

Yeah.

I forget what that happened.

Was there hazing?

Was it hazing?

I think they realized that Luke just didn't really care.

And I think that they're like, oh, shit.

Okay, cool.

Maybe he's a cool guy.

I don't know.

It's like, oh, you're not going to move back to Colorado in two weeks.

I guess we'll hang out with you.

Oh, you fixed our broken down sprinter van on the side of the road.

So that's pretty cool.

Okay, we'll let you into our group you gotta you gotta have one handy guy in the guys chat and i don't think it's jesse

it's definitely not jesse speaking of luke we go to christina luke's house and um christina and luke are having like uh tv dinners on their I guess what we find out is their love sack couch, their cloud couch, whatever the very expensive couch, right?

It's a very, very, very expensive couch, according to people.

I'm just based.

I didn't actually do any research on the couch.

I just got some DMs that were like, that couch is really expensive.

But then I always see, so there's the cloud couch.

And then I'll see on TikTok that there's like, oh, this cloud couch dupe.

Like you can get some site has it, the same looking couch for less.

So I do wonder if Kristen and Luke have the dupe.

But either way, it looked a nice setup.

Can I say something?

I've never even heard of this sofa until this show started to air.

And like, there was like, because Brittany has one, she's like, look at my cloud, look at my love sack.

And, and then people, and then that's when I got DMs like, wow, that love sack is worth a lot, blah, blah, blah.

And I've never heard of this thing.

And then they are talking about it now today on the show, like, oh, you got one too.

And now you're talking about you've seen dupes of them.

I'm like, am I out of the, the, the loop on this?

I did.

And how much do these costs?

I just bought a couch.

And so I have been, you know, really, um,

my algorithm has been serving me a lot of couches, both in and out of my price range.

So

um, I once went to, uh, when we were getting a sofa here, um, I went to Restoration Hardware, thinking for some reason that was a good idea.

And I remember sitting down on their stupid sofa, which was like three inches off the ground.

So it was already low and stupid.

And then I was, it was just like a normal, that wasn't even a sectional or anything.

And they, I think they said it was like $28,000.

And I could,

I, I thought he was joking.

I, I literally was like, are you, I'm sorry, did you, did you say 2,800?

And he's like, no, 28,000.

And I'm like, goodbye.

I am out of here.

Yeah, it's

congrats to Kristen on the couch, though.

That being said, we want to congratulate Kristen and Luke on their sofa that they have chosen now to sit and eat food on with the dogs.

So they're sitting there and,

you know,

Jill is begging for food.

And apparently Jill is begging because Kristen taught her dog how to beg.

And then that dog taught Jill how to beg.

And now Luke is really unhappy about it.

It's a sad state of affairs.

I'm just learning now.

There's a dog named Jill.

Her dog is named Jill.

Luke's dog is named Jill, which I think is hilarious.

Sure.

I agree.

No, I agree.

I had this reaction last season.

I'm picturing the dog with Jill Zarin's voice.

Hi.

Hi.

So you got any Diet Coke?

I make the best Diet Coke.

I brought a suitcase of Diet Coke to Europe because they don't have it there.

I think you saw Below Deck last year when she was on it.

She's also, she's, Allie has made a lot of TikToks about the suitcase of Diet Coke.

Oh, oh, okay.

I didn't realize.

No.

Yeah, because Jill Zarin was on Below Deck and she was obsessed with Diet Coke.

And then she was like, she's like, okay, I'm going to teach you how to make Diet Coke good.

Okay, this is how you, how you do it.

She like acted like there was a recipe to it.

She's like, okay, you put some ice in the glass.

You put the Diet Coke on top of it.

You got good Diet Coke.

I hope she's well.

I hope she, too, gets a love sack sofa soon.

God bless.

God bless.

She's probably got three of them down in Boca.

And I re-posted them with Zarin Fabrics.

Gary.

I want to go to Zarin Fabrics because guess what?

I learned how to sew over the past like 18 months and now I care about fabrics.

So I want to see her fabrics.

Zarin Fabrics.

It's

there.

It's a big store, right?

It's a big, yeah, it's like a big, you know, like wholesale fabric store.

It's very like, you know, like mood fabrics on Project Runway back in the day.

Same kind of vibe.

But I don't think, I mean, she's not like involved in Zarin Fabrics anymore.

but you know it's the name is the name well maybe her gay husband is still working there since we haven't seen him in you know 12 years um so kristen and and luke are attending to jill the dog the dog named jill and um she is feeling she's feeling a little blue because they had another fertility um

you know, meeting with a doctor and, you know, his sperm are good.

So

it really just comes down to her body and she's you know you feel bad watching her because she's really coming down so hard on herself but i think this is actually like one of the things that has been really like redeeming for her is because it's like a very real thing she's going through and she's it's very relatable and there's also the happy ending of we all know now that she had a baby and so like

we know she's going through this pain but we know that it's gonna like turn around for her so yeah she's going through it at this moment Yeah, I'm, I'm glad that we've gotten to watch this season knowing the ending because it's the one spoiler where I'm like, okay, I actually am.

This would be a lot more depressing

if I had to assume that she was still kind of struggling with it.

But

yeah, I'm very happy for her.

Yeah, it's wild to think that she's 45, by the way.

I have not really accepted that.

Isn't she 45?

Or did I just age her?

She's in her 40s.

I'm going to look her up.

Oh, no, maybe she's 42.

Maybe it's Jax who's 45.

Jax is 45.

She's 45.

Yeah, that's Jax.

Kristen is 42.

I apologize, Kristen.

I did not mean to add three years.

45.

You're 45, JX.

35.

It's wild.

It's wild that they're all in their 40s.

It's like people in the real world who are now in their 60s.

I'm assuming some of them are in their 60s by now.

It's just like,

the world is a strange and scary place.

Someone should shelter Jill.

Keep Jill out of the...

Make sure, just feed Jill.

Give her all the food she wants because the world is scary enough as it is.

Let her beg.

Beg.

Give her some of that chicken.

Um, so they basically are talking about it.

And um, then speaking of Jax, ding-dong.

Here he comes.

Jax walks in.

Um,

you know, Jax,

let's talk about why does Jax have such rosy cheeks all the time?

Where did this come from?

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I don't know,

and it's like shiny, pink,

and like it's shiny and pink.

That's that's it's it's it's disarming.

Is that like a is there like a steroid side effect or anything that may I don't know?

Because there Jax has been through a lot of phases and there's definitely I mean there's been like coked up Jax and roided out Jax and sometimes he looks good and healthy and I don't know exactly what phase he's in right now, but like that's got to just play havoc on your skin.

Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

Maybe he like developed Rosacea or something like that.

Not to Rosatia's shame.

I'm just curious as to why he has such rosy hues on his on his cheekbones.

It just doesn't make any sense to me.

So he comes in with a giant orchid that he gives to Christine and she's like, yo, I can't keep an orchid alive for the life of me.

I'm like, okay, well, he's like, okay,

next time I'll get you a pie, I guess.

I don't know.

So he's giving.

It's funny to be like, I've never kept an orchid alive.

It's like, how many times have you tried?

I can imagine her.

She probably had like a solid year year where every week she bought an orchid she's like okay this one's gonna work it's gonna happen this time

they're just so beautiful and they represent light and love and

everything i kind of heard that that like orchids um

like just because they lose their flower doesn't mean that they're dead it's just that the flower is over She's probably, she's throwing away a live plant every week.

Being like,

flower fell off.

Now this is dead.

The orchid's like, but I'm just, I just took my makeup off.

That's all.

If I killed it again,

I would never.

That being said, I would probably throw out the orchid as well.

And I would never, that's why I don't, I don't get orchids because they are too much.

They're just, they're just,

get something solid.

Get a

fiddle fern.

Get a tulip.

Get a fucking tulip.

Okay.

Get something that's going to be reliable.

Get a lilac.

So

he comes over and

Jax is doing his standard,

you know, woe is me pitch to everyone trying to control the narrative.

And he's like, you know, Britney and I were just like talking for like five minutes like, because we're allowed to talk.

He's like, by the way, sorry,

sorry, I must ruined your engagement.

Oh, God, I don't know what I was thinking.

So stupid of me.

That's his like standard thing that he does when he's like messed up and he's trying to be like good little boy, you know.

And then he's like, and then he's like, ah, and then, you know, I, I, and then I, I said it was Brittany.

I threw her under the bridge.

Like, oh, man, I don't know why I even did that either.

Jill, calm down.

Shut up.

Jill's like, this idiot.

I get yelled at for begging.

And this guy's over here, and they're fine with him.

So Jax is like, yeah, he's like, yeah.

Kristen's like, I think you mean under a bus, not under the bridge.

He's like, well, whatever.

Like, I threw her under something, you know.

And she's like, you know, you just have to practice patience.

Cause look, I'm not a patient human being.

And everyone knows that.

Just be patient.

He's like, oh, man, but like, it's really tough, like, being away from my son.

Hello there.

This is a two-part recap, okay?

This is the end of part one.

So thank you so much for listening to this.

Just come back a little later for part two.

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Kristen the Piston Anderson.

Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B.

K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino.

Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg.

This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

Yes, we canna, it's Sedana.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

And our super premium sponsors.

She's V V V I P, it's Amanda V.

Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the Cork Master, the Master of the Cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.

Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door.

My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani.

The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the queen bee, It's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie.

It's Sarah Tell of Sun.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop.

It's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tem LaPlain.

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

We love you guys.

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It's your man, Nick Cannon, and I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at Night.

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