#2928 The Valley S2E14 Part Two: Jax On, Jax Off with Dylan Hafer

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Hello and welcome to Watch More Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

This is part two of the recap.

If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed.

It's right there.

And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

I feel sort of shitty saying this because,

you know, when you have a child, you love your child and everything.

I don't, why do I feel like every time Jack says, I just miss my son, he's just totally lying and it's full of bullshit.

It's, yeah, something is not exactly ringing true about the way that he's going about this because it does feel like he, like, he knows that he is supposed to say,

he knows that getting out of rehab, like his main objective is supposed to be like being a good role model for his son or whatever.

But it's like

He's so far away from that mark that it's like, why are are we you have 12 other things you should be worrying about before you worry about whether cruise can come for a sleepover at your house whether there's you know nasty women there or you know

whatever whatever house of horrors britney is imagining it's like why don't you i i don't know it does feel like he is kind of saying what he knows he's supposed to say.

And I believe that he, you know,

has complicated feelings about his, you know, abilities and role as a parent.

But like,

there's just such a darkness there.

It's like, I don't, I don't know that I want you to be there.

I think it's just more like, it's just based off of like

his

interactions with his son last season.

It just seems like all of a sudden this season, he seems to

be.

You know, he seems to care a lot more this season.

Now, he is the father.

So it's, you know, I really can't take that even away from Jax.

but there's something that feels a little bit like um this is this is an angle like an unassailable angle i have that i can use and um i'm going to use it as much as i can yeah he knows that he's supposed to be out here performing dadness

yeah

performing dadness

performing fatherhood

So then they, Luke has an idea for him.

He's like, oh, well,

how about like maybe

why don't you ask her, why don't you say that you'd be willing to put a camera in Cruz's room for her?

And Jack's like, oh, that's such a good idea.

That's a great idea.

I'm like, what?

How is this a good idea?

If you

like, okay.

I know you're very scared to have Cruz or you don't want Cruz to stay with me, but I'll put a camera in his room so you can watch him.

It just doesn't seem to be like, there shouldn't have to be a camera at all.

I have never seen a couple have this much back and forth of camera logistics and filming in houses.

It's like, it's like at a certain point, like maybe, maybe the cameras aren't the problem.

Maybe we should

remove ourselves.

If you have to use a nanny cam on your husband, like that's not, you're supposed to use a nanny cam on an employee that you're like not sure if they have your child's best interest at heart or maybe they're stealing from you.

But like if you have to use it on your husband, that's, that's a bad sign.

Or if you have to volunteer to have a nanny cam used on you, like not, not a good sign.

Like, let's deal with the root causes here a little bit.

Is this something that like, would a court order you to do that in a custody situation where it's like, okay, you have visitation with nanny cam?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Let's work on yourself a little bit more, Jax.

So then we go over to Jesse and Isabella.

They're at a toy store and she's like whacking him with like a sword or something.

And then

Danny and Asher like feeding the kids and making wolf sounds and stuff like that.

And now we wind up back at Kristen and Luke's house.

It's another day.

And Kristen is doing a James May photo shoot because James May is back.

Okay.

Well, I guess it never left, but

it's having a new season

of t-shirts.

James May is,

it's,

it's going strong.

It's an American heritage brand at this point.

It's, it's been,

it's been around for a decade.

Yeah, she'll be on Project Runway as a mentor soon enough.

Like Project Runway is coming back.

And if Kristen Dodie isn't there as a guest judge, I think the show has lost all credibility.

She's like, actually, I think this garment would have worked better if it had an offensive slogan or like a Native American headdress on it.

She's like, this flower child shirt really needed, you know, more words, more, another phrase, another slogan.

Yes, this needs more fluid Mac imagery on it, please.

So she's doing a photo shoot.

She knocks over some soda, she knocks over a Coke bottle.

And Brittany's come over and she's getting, she's taking photos and everything.

And she's like, oh, I'm not, I'm not actually a model.

Let's not take photos once in a while.

And I will

watch this.

I love this.

I love it a lot.

So they're taking these photos.

and then, um, and then uh, Jax calls,

and and she's like, Oh, well, here he is right now.

He wants his ring verification code.

Hello, Jax, okay, hi, Jax.

And he's like, He's like, Yeah, I'm trying to install the new ring right now.

Okay, they need the password, just send to your phone.

No, if I send you this code, you get access to my ring.

It's like, No, no, no, they have my own ring.

I need this.

Come on, you need to do this.

No, I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna send you my ring, my verification code.

Okay, we're gonna go wrong, Dax.

Um, is it like the the ring logistics?

It's like, why would if he's getting a ring cam at his new apartment, why would the verification code be getting sent to Brittany?

Like, he, I just is it on the same account?

Is it

well?

So, Ring is owned by Amazon, right?

Is it like some sort of like Amazon Prime thing?

Do you buy it with no?

It doesn't work that way.

I literally don't understand why.

Ring code family plan.

I literally don't understand why a fresh new ring, a hot ring,

straight off the Amazon conveyor belt, why that needs

any sort of shared account or linkage to the other ring.

Well, you know what?

Brittany can't figure it out either.

And she's not going to give him that code.

She's like, I'm not stupid, Jacks.

I don't know what this code is, but now I'm not going to give it to you.

Okay.

I love these things.

I'm doing a model photo shoot.

Yeah.

I'll love it.

I'll love it.

And he like loses his mind.

He's like, but I'm here right now.

I'm fucking here right now.

And she just hangs up on him.

Oh, go.

He won't leave me alone.

I mean, I'm definitely like trying my hardest to move on.

And he's constantly hovering over me.

And he like doesn't want me to be happy.

So this is all Jack's Taylorism is to get my shit.

Okay.

Jack's Taylorism.

Which is funny because tailorism is a thing.

So it's funny that there's now a Jack's Taylorism, you know, an update to the classic.

Well, I think original Taylorism is something about like

efficiency in factories, correct?

Oh, okay.

So didn't Henry Ford do something with Taylorism?

The point is this.

Whatever

Taylorism was, it has now been replaced by Jack's Taylorism.

And God bless all of us.

I love one of my favorite details is when it's Brittany's turn to get her photo taken and she calls Zach in because she says, you know, I need help with my hands.

Like, she doesn't know what to do with her hands.

And the only person who can help

is Zach.

I imagine if Zach weren't there, she's taking photos, like her hands on these things.

It's like, it's not, she's just taking it in these weird positions.

Like, she's doing half vogues.

It's like, does this look good?

I need somebody to come fix my hands.

Help me with my hands.

So then before she leaves, of course, then.

Kristen gets some licks in about like, you know, Janet and everything.

And she's like, oh, Janet has to work.

She basically goes off on Janet.

And Brittany's like, okay, well, I got to go.

I got to figure out what to do with my hands tonight.

Okay, I gotta go.

Bye.

Bye.

It's just like, I'm not, I don't want to get involved in this anymore.

It's like, I am out of here.

So, I think one of my frustrations with this season has been like, it feels like we are now having the same circular conversation about Danny and Janet and Kristen.

And

it feels like we're really kind of going in circles.

And so I'm, I'm interested to see kind of like at the reunion, are we able to make any progress so that next season we don't just have to have the same kind of conversations again and again and again?

I hope so.

This does also explain why Danny and Nia were seated so high up on the sofa because I was so shocked

when they announced the seating order for the reunion when Michelle Lolly was all the way at the end.

Because this was, remember, they filmed the reunion early because of the pregnancies.

So at that time, the Michelle Lawy storyline was really front and center.

And I was like, what the hell?

How How does Michelle wind up there?

But now we see why with all the Danny and Nia stuff.

Yeah, I actually, I miss some of the Michelle and Jesse.

I kind of liked the way that they were, you know, it was very War of the Roses at the beginning of the season.

Like I liked seeing that

just hate each other so

passionately.

And now it feels like that has sort of been

usurped by some different storylines.

And I kind of miss it.

I know, but I get the feeling like we'll have have that for the next like four years of the show.

Like,

yeah, Daddy and Aaron, we're gonna see, we're gonna see more there.

Yeah, Jesse and Michelle will not be getting along anytime soon, despite any previews that suggest they're hosting some sort of Zen party.

So, um, speaking of Jesse, he shows up at Jax's house, and uh, it's a townhome, and Jax is complaining about all the stairs and everything.

And Jesse is just visibly disgusted.

Jesse is like, wow, wow, I came all the way to the valley to see this disgusting, disgusting townhome full of stairs, and you still haven't unpacked all your shit.

Jesse is like, does not like this space whatsoever.

He goes, lot of storage, lot of storage.

Look, Danny and Nia could put some of their stuff at Jax's place.

Yeah, they really could.

By the way, if Jax is able to get a town home, you got some space.

Danny and Nia could do that too.

Although I bet the townhome is not as big as it looks.

sometimes those townhomes because they're vertical they feel like they're really big but realistically

like every room is like you know

can fit a card table well you can't have a jack and jill bathroom when one room is on the floor above and one room is on the floor below with ladders and slides ladders it's like a loft pole

that that could be fun i would i would love to see them navigate that i don't need to be shitting and someone descends on me with the pole

It's one thing if like a door opens, you'd be like, no, no, no, no, no.

But then all of a sudden you're like, oh shit, there's someone above me.

No.

Also, I'm not going down to any bathroom on a pole because sometimes I go into the bathroom and like I need everything clenched until I get to that toilet, right?

Like I'm just like, nothing is, I am not opening my legs to put a pole in between my legs before I get to that toilet because there will be a disaster.

Thank you.

Thank you for painting that picture.

You're welcome.

We know it's a Jax scene, so we have to be as visceral as possible.

Yes.

Really need to set the stage.

So Jax is now complaining.

He's like, I don't know how she's getting over it so fast.

I mean, I just don't know how she's moving on so quickly with like another man.

I mean, like, did you feel like, did you feel that?

Like, like, what the fuck?

Because he's like really upset because Britney is like dating someone when Jax has had like seven different girls that he's dated publicly.

Yeah, he's he's really setting the goalposts wherever he wants with this.

And it's like, you've never, you've never been faithful in a relationship in your life.

And so now when you're fully separated he he just really he he cannot he he cannot like figure anything out with this britney situation and it's it's no if i if he wants so terrible it would be depressing but i'm like this is he this is kind of what you deserve yeah i i think he's just gonna any angle he can to sort of try to like kind of carve out some sort of moral high ground, he's going to go for it, even if it's totally hypocritical.

And so here he is trying to paint her as someone who's moved on quickly, perhaps even painting her as someone who's maybe an opportunist, who knows.

And he is trying to paint himself as the dedicated father who just wants to see his son and is just trying to do all the good things and grow and yada, yada, yada.

And Jesse's kind of like, yeah,

no, like, this isn't going to work.

He's like, yeah, you just have to commit to the closure.

Just be over it.

Like, I had to do it with Michelle, which is funny because I don't know.

Has Jesse really done it?

Has Jesse really done it?

Well, it's so it's like maybe it's it's been done incorrectly in terms of the paperwork.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true too.

Because that's what we find out also is that Michelle, I guess, filed something incorrectly.

And now they have to start their divorce all the way over again from the start.

I just love, I would love Michelle's side of the story because of course Jesse says that Michelle did it wrong.

And so now, so now they have to redo it.

And it's like, yeah, I'm wondering what the real story is there.

Yeah, I kind of feel like Michelle is getting screwed by this season

Jesse seems to really get the last word in on what happens, and he seems to be controlling the narrative.

But every time that it comes to Michelle, she's like, No, that's not what happened.

I filed my thing on time, and then he went to legal Zoom and he couldn't afford it.

So he filed his thing with a post-it note, and the judge rejected it.

And you're like,

he was threatening me,

threatening me, threatening,

threatening,

like

Michelle has maybe taken a bit of a backseat this season.

And I don't know if that's her kind of her doing or if there just hasn't been room for a lot of her.

Like, we don't see a ton of her and Aaron.

It doesn't feel like they're main characters on this show.

So

maybe, maybe because her mom is sick, it's she's been sort of actually like,

maybe she hasn't been able to put the full energy into the show.

But like, for instance, though, here's a good example.

We have a whole scene of Jesse talking about the divorce and what went wrong.

And then we have a flashback in the middle of it because Jesse says his assets are frozen.

And Jax is like, what?

And we see a flashback and we see Michelle telling Sheena that, oh, by the way, Jesse got like got this big loan under his name, but basically expects her to help him pay it off.

Right.

I think that's what I, what I gleaned from that.

And she's like, I don't want to pay for that.

Yeah.

And it's like, that's such a brief, it's such a brief flashback.

Yeah.

Cause it's when it's when Sheena's wearing the Valley Brat shirt.

Yeah, it's just like

this could have been a whole scene.

Yeah, this could have been a whole scene and she gets like relegated to like a flashback.

And I'm like, well, it sounds like Jesse's up to like financial shenanigans.

And she's saying how Jesse's in like hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

And like that just gets like shoved off into a flashback, whereas Jesse gets to have a whole scene with Jax on a rooftop talking about how his assets are frozen.

He just wants to move on.

And oh, Isabella is everything with Jesse.

It's the same thing with Jax.

He's like, It's like, I just want, I just care about Isabella.

And you're like,

you both, you guys are just manipulative assholes.

That's what I think.

Right.

They're just, they're just two guys who the world is against them and they just, oh, they just need a win.

Come on.

They didn't win.

Win, just one win.

I wish straight white guys could get a win once in a while, you know.

It's tough out there.

It's you know,

in these valley streets.

Yeah.

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Then we go to Danny and Nia going to plastic surgeon to Rafi.

Rafi, Dr.

Rafi Hove Sapien, who

Nia is contemplating getting a mommy makeover because like her, the choice is have another baby or get the mommy makeover.

Because once the mommy makeover happens, she's like, I'm not doing this again.

So it's now or never for the baby time.

So she's going to have a consultation.

And the doctor's like, okay, well,

we could move your nipple up if it were a perk of your nipple, which is not.

It's flat as a pancake.

Kind of a sad.

so uh for most people who have nice breasts we could do this for them but since you have sad breasts well we can just paint in a happy face on and hope it looks better that way okay good luck to you ma'am goodbye and she's like what

he's like oh this is uh this is worse than i thought it's uh

it is not a very i get that like you want an honest opinion from a from a doctor but he doesn't seem very um

His bedside manner, I have some questions about.

Yeah, he's like, well, you know, one way is we can, you you know, we can move the areola and then we could bring it up a centimeter, but that would be for a perkier breast.

It's like, you have two options.

The first option won't work.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

On my chart here, it said a client was coming in with perky breasts, and unfortunately, that's not you.

So anyway, we're going to have to, we're going to, hold on.

Let me look in the file for old lady options.

Okay, hold on right now.

Okay, this is something for you.

Would you like the old lady option C

where we just put you in a nice bra?

What about that?

She's like, oh, thanks a lot.

Well,

at least Danny gets in a pervy,

pervy joke about hooking up in the in the exam room.

He's like, well, since y'all already are on the cloud.

But yeah,

she's upset by it because the doctor was basically recommending that like what she would need to do, he said was like just under like just a shade under extreme.

And I think that um

that phrasing really like

it really bothered her it because it made her feel like i just had every imperfection on my body like circled with a sharpie

and then danny's like so

so horny should we fuck

i'm never so four under four

for under four shots right now

Yeah, I totally get what she's feeling, to be honest.

Like, I can imagine like you are, it's not only that, it's like she, she basically disrobed for television and then had a guy be like, this doesn't look right.

This doesn't look right.

This doesn't look right.

So she's probably like, uh-uh, that was mortifying.

Like,

probably didn't want to do that again.

Right.

Like, when you go in for that consultation, you want to be the one where the guy's like, oh, this will be easy.

Not bad at all.

Yeah.

You look great.

I barely even need to do any surgery on you.

And instead, he was like, okay,

this is what we'll do.

And now all of America can see that, like, you know, but like, of course, by the way, it goes without saying she's like gorgeous.

And like, you, she's totally being her own worst critic right now.

Because, you know,

like you look at her and think to yourself, like, why are you like, like, like, I, like, I feel bad that you don't see how like beautiful you are, you know, but you know, like, we all get it.

We all, you know, we all, we all want things improved with ourselves, I suppose, you know.

So, anyway, I hope they had great sex.

uh

so then we go down to uh speaking of couples romantic couples moments janet and jason head to a tattoo parlor which this this is a whimsical tattoo parlor by the way i like i feel like normally tattoo parlors are very like a lot of like glass and mirrors and metal and harley davidson-esque type imagery and this was like whimsically like old-timey general store or something like that.

I mean, leave it to Janice to find the like kitschiest place to get it.

It's a kitschy tattoo.

She's like, actually, does Dave and Busters do tattoos?

I don't know how to do it.

How many tokens for a ring finger tattoo?

It looked like it had like magic potions or something.

Like, yeah, you're right.

This is totally like a Dave and Buster's tattoo parlor, like a skew ball.

Like Chuck E.

Cheese comes out to give you the tattoo.

It's like, oh, God.

Well, unfortunately, Jason, we can only give you the ring tattoo because that's as many tokens as I won today.

So,

um, so he's going to do, they're going to do the thing that curses so many couples, which is getting the ring band tattoo.

Like, this is a bad, just, this is a bad thing.

Don't do this.

It's not going to work.

Yeah, but right.

But would you rather curse your marriage or let Kristen Doty continue to spread lies and fiction and falsehoods that you don't wear your ring when you go out.

Because that's what's happening.

Yeah, but you could also be secure in your marriage and just like live in your own truth and be like, well, I don't care what she says, you know?

But, but then again, I've never been on the, I've never dealt with the brunt of Kristen Doty, and that is a very powerful force.

Well, and Kristen Doty, uh, you know, armored with the, the theories and the, the,

you know, rumors of all the message boards and all the, all the, the blogs.

It's true.

Yes, that's what Janet basically comes out and says, that she's like, Kristen goes online.

She, she finds out what she should say, and then she hurls it at me.

And that's what she does.

And so

basically they get their tattoos.

Jason is oddly very nervous about it.

And he gets it.

And then,

and then they have like this scene where she,

Janet is like,

you know, sometimes I wonder if I even deserve you.

I mean, like, sometimes I wonder if you you are going to wake up and be like, oh, my God,

I'm married to Janet.

I don't want to be here anymore.

She's like,

I mean, I kind of get it.

Like, Jason's really hot, in my opinion.

I think he's super hot.

I can imagine being like, whoa, I really, I really, I really bagged a hot husband here.

Like,

am I, is he going to stay with me?

Is this really going to work out?

You know, I

protest.

I do like her acknowledgement that the social media aspect of it, I think, is I would almost like to see them unpack that more on this show moving forward, because now that they've been on a couple seasons, with her saying, you know, I turned my comments, you know, for my social media comments were flooded with people saying, why is he with her?

It's like, okay, that's interesting that that is maybe creeping into their marriage a little bit the longer she's on the show.

Yeah.

So maybe it's like, like, even though I say stand in your truth, I can understand, like, you hear so much noise, especially if you're on one of these shows.

I can't imagine like having those DMs and comments all the time.

It's going to get to you.

I mean, it's, it's just, it can't not get to you.

Like, I, like, I,

in a, you know, I, even as a, as a host of a podcast, you know, I read it, I read one, one comment the wrong way and it can like mess me up, you know, which is just my way of saying that the real victim here is me in Janet's situation.

Just want to put that out there.

But I can imagine, so like maybe he was like, look, I'm going to get this tattoo to show you.

I'm not going anywhere.

Don't listen to the noise.

This is my sign for you.

I'm not sure.

But she's like, I'm a fan.

I'm a fan bitch of you.

And I'm not going to divorce you.

Call me, call me Fanson.

So, so basically she's like, yeah, it just really hurts.

And, you know, people say, like, why is he with her?

Oh, it's because he can cheat on her.

And,

and they do this thing where she's like really sad.

She's like really going through it.

And they put all these things on the screen that people say about her that are up there.

And I was like, oh, like, Janet's, Jenna is the worst.

But man, that sucks if you're just like.

Every single day, you're getting those comments just on your Instagram.

You know, I was like, I was half prepared for like the Love Island message to go up to be like,

they're like, we love all of our islanders just the same.

It's like, no, this is, this is Bravo.

Software shit.

Pitchforks are out.

Yeah, no, when I have something not nice to say about somebody, I say it on a podcast.

I don't, I don't type it in an Instagram comment.

So

yeah.

I feel like it comes off better on a podcast because you can see it.

You know, you can really get the tone.

Maybe I'm being sarcastic.

You know, it's nuanced.

Yeah.

you can see it's not as full of venom as it's as it would be.

Like, if I say, oh, Janet sucks, like, it sounds like that.

But if I write on a comment, Janet sucks, it's like, fucking Janet sucks, fucking bitch slut.

You're a fucking fan.

Yeah, way to go.

Fan it.

Fan it.

So now we go back to Kristen and Luke's home.

And

Nia comes over and Kristen is basically talking about,

you know,

about baby stuff, et cetera.

I think this is just more baby stuff.

I think this is just another scene where

talking, Nia's saying that she's more open to the idea of going to Santa Clarita and

that basically she's just priming us the fact that she's going to Santa Clarita.

She's going to cave and go to Santa Clarita, right?

Well, and I think this, I'm assuming in the finale that we'll get kind of the update that both of them are pregnant.

And so this scene kind of sets the stage for that, That it's like Nia is on the fence between getting the mommy makeover and having one more baby, and she feels like time is ticking.

And Kristen obviously still really wants to have a baby, and you know, it'll be off next week when it's like, you know, did it ding ding, did it, ding, Kristen had a baby, did it,

Nia had a baby

with that exact song, too.

The Orange County season two music.

I, I love, I love, love, love the Orange County end of season music that they play that is like my favorite thing they have like a certain jam that they pull out

you can't it's unsingable I've been trying for years

it is that cool like little jam with a like and I tried to shazam it too yeah couldn't I couldn't if it's like the awesome that music is just like the best

I seem to have a memory that they didn't even play it last year at the end of Orange County and I was really upset about it.

the tradition is so important we're losing our sacred our texts yes we really need to make sure we we maintain these things so now we go over to the main event it's brittany's house it's brittany bitch

and um

uh she has cruise there and she's like daddy's coming over did you have a good nap okay you start to wake up hi hey zoo is gonna take you to sky zone which isn't sky zone like indoor um skydiving no it's trampolines oh okay

That makes so much more sense.

Well, maybe they've like added on a sky.

It's a trampoline park, which I

would never have been allowed to go to, but

I hope Cruz had fun.

Well, I apologize for not being up on my Sky Zone knowledge because, of course, when it comes to trampoline parks,

I only patronize one establishment, and that's the Bellino family trampoline park.

Which may have been a Sky Zone.

Maybe.

A franchise.

Yeah.

so um jax comes over and he's like saying hi to the cruise and everything and brittany says well the only reason why i agreed to mate with jax is tonight is because we need to set boundaries to figure out how we're going to copy it with cruise I'm like, here's a boundary to set.

Don't meet at your house.

Meet at like a public space or something.

Like, stop letting this man into your home.

He's the boogeyman.

He's terrible.

Let's not do this anymore.

And of course, like the first thing that he says to her is this like, pick me.

How is Hawaii?

Oh, oh uh nobody missed me you didn't miss me in hawaii it's like no no no

yeah no one missed you at all like the show actually thrived without you without you being there and by the way the best moment the season i think had to have been zach telling jax when jax said this is my show and zach said not for the past 30 days it wasn't like that still to me was chef's kiss a chef's kiss moment for zach

Yeah, it really, I mean, this season, when you think about it, Jax has not been

present present for much of it.

We've gotten those little like cursed video diaries from rehab or a scene of him when they were in Hawaii, but he has not been in attendance at very many of the

cast events.

And

it's been nice.

The show's been fine.

The show has been fine.

So

Jax is saying, you know, like, Brittany has the upper hand right now.

So in my head, I'm just kind of like playing nice and just kind of get along with whatever she wants, which is 100% a lie.

You are not playing nice with anything.

And he's like, I don't want to get an attorney involved.

Can't we just go our separate ways and still be friends?

You offloaded a house onto her that was going into foreclosure.

And then you're like, I don't want to have attorneys involved with this.

It's like when the,

like when the cartoon fox is like, oh, why can't me and the hens just get along?

Like, why don't they want to hang out with me?

And it's like 30 seconds later, it's like, because that's why.

That's why.

That's why.

Maybe you should watch Mink Beat Dynasty, by the way, because there was a chicken coop situation this week.

Don't do this to me.

No, don't watch it.

It's a terrible show.

Okay, so Jax is like,

Jax is like, he's like, look, look, I mean, look, it's like, I never even lived here.

It took all my photos down.

And he says this as if he didn't try to throw out a picture of Grinyu with her dad.

There has been so much, so much.

moving in and moving out and throwing things away and putting things in trash bags.

It's like, this is a model home at this point.

Like, this is staging furniture.

Like,

it really has been.

Those photos have really been moving around.

I mean, every single day they're in a different place.

It's like a highlights magazine thing.

I was like, what are the differences between these two images?

So, um,

so he's like, Why are you doing that?

She's like, Well, I would want to look at your face every single day.

It's like, Are you just going to wipe away 10 years like that?

Which is like total manipulation because he was the one who really wiped away 10 years the moment he started acting wild to Brittany, if you ask me.

Yeah, I mean, anytime they're in a conversation like this, he just immediately resorts to the, you know, the gaslighting and the, you know, the manipulation that it's like, you, you're choosing this.

You're trying to

break apart this family.

Like, I'm trying to, he's trying, he likes to paint himself as the hero here or the martyr, you know?

And

you still want, still good on that divorce?

It's like he's asking, like, you, like, it's like oh you sent him what you want from the drive-through and he's like does that is that still what you want it's like again no no no she's still she's still good on the divorce it's been ordered

you may have noticed uh the photo of your face that's face that's been turned down that you just were observing yeah the divorce is still going forward she's like well why would i not be good on that i mean have you have not done anything that i wanted from you and he's like well i just i just want to make sure just in case well how many zanacs did you take before you came on over here he's like what i've never taken any, just a few lines of cocaine.

That's it.

She's like, Okay, well, you're not even acting like yourself.

It's like, Oh, it's fine.

Like, I mean, look, you've already slandered me enough.

Okay, you can't slander me anymore.

I'm wondering where the slander is because everything she said has been true, right?

I can't also, I can't hear the word slander without

hearing Alexia in my head: a slander, a slander,

slander, slander.

So, there's no, there's no slander going on, She's, and she's, she's standing on business, as the love, as the Love Island cast would say.

She's only saying things that are true.

That's right.

Standing on business, just like ace green.

So Brittany is like, it's not slander when I'm speaking fayax.

Okay, don't talk to me unless it's about Cruz.

Okay, Cruz is not going to your house anytime, soon.

And because I don't trust that, there's not nasty women there.

Nasty women.

Watch out for the nasty women.

Like, you really are picturing his house the way Britney describes it is just like a den of sin.

Like this, like there's like women draped over the furniture and like, you know, an opium pipe in the corner.

It's like

a Bordello, a Bordello on Game of Thrones or something.

It's like Littlefinger is going to come out.

It's like, it's,

it's, I mean, but to be fair.

That could be actually exactly what's happening in Jack's.

It's Jack's.

It could be that way.

On his, his love sack got delivered.

So now he can do whatever he wants.

That's true.

In more ways than one.

So she says, I'm done protecting Jax.

Okay.

I am Lech Laksayodan.

I really thought he was going to change.

I really thought I'd be the person to change him.

So now shame on Sherry, Brittany's mother with the white lipstick, forever teaching her daughter that she could change someone in a relationship.

Like you don't, you don't get into a relationship to change someone.

Like you, do you take them or leave them?

And I'm not, this is not exonerating Jax by any means, but like I'm very sad that that Brittany wasted all these years thinking she could change someone like Jax when she could have just found someone.

Like you could get a turnkey boyfriend or husband.

You don't need to fix her upper.

Yeah.

And I mean, she, every step of the way, Jax showed her that this was who he was and she just kept going along with it.

And everyone told her, everyone, her castmates, her family, the world told her, you have to leave this guy.

Yeah, it's it's tough.

I mean, it is kind of interesting to think that from Vanderpump Rules to now, we've never seen Brittany without Jax.

And so, like, season three of The Valley, thinking about that, it's like, wow, it's really going to be

a different look.

It's going to be weird.

I know.

But by the way, she was, this, this season was, she was.

sort of without Jax.

Yes, yeah.

Yeah.

But like, it's still a lot of it was within the context of the jax and his presence so right and if he's not if he's not appearing at all next season we're not going to have any more scenes like this even if they're happening in her life with the the co-parenting the cameras presumably won't be there Yeah, so the producers asked her why she protected him for so long.

And she was saying that she didn't want him to get into trouble.

And like, you know, she tried like, like, she really loved him and she tried to make him a better person.

And, but how can you, how can you continue to be there for somebody who won't even change for you or your son?

Like that.

It's just,

it's just, uh, yeah.

Okay.

So then Brittany, uh, she's now yelling at him.

She's like, it disgusts me.

You are so gross, Jax.

She's like, okay, fine.

I'm good.

I'm good.

Get out of here.

Yeah.

Every time I can't, I can't say anything.

I can't win.

Everything I say is wrong.

Everything I say is wrong.

That'll be his podcast in the Manosphere.

Everything I say is wrong.

With Jax Taylor.

I'm a work in progress.

Okay.

Look, I'm here to be a dad.

Okay.

I'm good at it.

I enjoy it.

It makes me happy.

I'm like,

well, we didn't see any of you doing that last season, as far as I can tell.

Like, it would be last season, he'd be sitting there watching TV, and

Brittany and her mom would be chasing after Cruz under the sofa.

And he'd be like,

kids, remember, right?

So, this is a very comedian narrative, as Katie Maloney would say, that he's peddling on us.

I I can't wait to can't wait to not see it anymore.

I know.

So he's saying, yeah, I mean, he actually just makes me want to be a better person.

And I just, I don't think she should hold anger over me.

I'm using that as a weapon, not to see my son.

That's just not fair.

Since Jax, who's actively trying to use the son as a weapon against Brittany.

Right.

Like, yeah, he really, he really,

you know, she's playing the Uno reverse card on him and he, he just

cannot take it.

He can't take it.

He can't figure it out.

He still doesn't understand the rules of Uno, unfortunately.

So she's like, You are a narcissist, so you don't actually feel love.

You don't feel pain.

You don't feel hurt like I do.

So we are different people.

Okay, I'm going through a lot more than what you're going through right now because I actually care.

And he's like, You don't see what I'm going through at home.

You don't see what I'm dealing with in my house.

It's 10 years of my life.

It's a decade.

You could just throw that away, but I can't.

Jacks, the old that old sentimental, that old sentimental guy, Jax, not wanting to throw away 10 years.

Yeah, it's just

the worst.

Just the worst.

Do you think I've thrown it away?

I've tried to make this work for 10 years with you, Jax.

You could have went on your bipolar medication years ago and you didn't.

Okay.

I begged you to go to therapy.

I begged you.

He's like, well, I'm doing it now.

No, see, I've learned from our family.

I did it.

Oh, and then the icing on the cake is, I didn't come here to argue.

I didn't want to argue.

I just wanted to set some boundaries.

I, you know, I'll do whatever you want, but I did, I don't want to argue.

By the way, they have not set a single boundary nor proposed one since this

thing.

It's like, it's like somebody, somebody make a, somebody put something on the table.

Yes.

Can we have some boundaries, please?

Somebody say, I mean, he could easily just say, I want to have a sleepover and I will volunteer to put a dandy cam in the room.

That has not come up once.

Yeah, there's been no boundary talk.

Well, Brittany enters something in here.

She goes, well, I told you my boundaries.

I will handle everything and I will send you a bill for your half of the Dr.

Bills.

And he's like,

but fine, then you don't get full custody.

No, I'll get full custody.

Yeah, I'll be getting that full custody.

Okay.

That's supposed to be your child support.

You're going to be paying for half of Cruz's stuff.

He's like, no, I'm not paying.

I'm not going to pay any bills.

You can't, because you make more than I will.

So, you know, so I'm going to go after your alimony.

So there's a boundary she wasn't expecting is that he's actually being like, he's like, Nylaman, not going to pay.

You're going to pay me.

Yeah.

At this point, when they start getting into the custody arrangements and the alimony and the child support, it's like, and this is the same Jax who five minutes ago was like, man, do we really need a lawyer?

Do we, I mean, can't we just talk it out?

Can't we talk it out?

And then you're like,

it's like, no, bitch, you're paying me alimony.

It's like, okay, and here's the need for a lawyer.

Immediately.

This is why we have a lawyer.

Yes, exactly.

They need

a Drew and Ralph

court-monitored texting app.

Or they just need a basement that they could put Jax into.

So he's like, yeah, this is a 50-50 state, man.

So she's like, so you're going to go after

alimony for me, and I'm going to have to pay for all of Cruz's bills.

He's like, God,

why are you trying to destroy the father of your son?

She's like, I'm not.

Why are you doing this?

Poor Jax.

He's so delicate.

So delicate.

I can't believe she would try to destroy this man, this upstanding citizen who threw a table at her.

Why would she ever destroy this person?

You know, 10 years, she's just flushing it down the toilet.

10 perfect years.

10 perfect years without any problems whatsoever.

And he's like, every time, every time I come over, you act so mean to me.

You discard me, Jack.

He's so,

he's a vulnerable soul.

He's vulnerable.

He doesn't like when people act mean, okay, at all.

And he has a great track record of being very nice to people for 10 years, 10 years.

Yeah.

So she's like, well, this is why I knew I wanted to cruise out of the house.

I knew this would happen.

I'm disgusted.

I'm so mad at you.

So he basically is like, yeah, I just, we always, every time I come over, we always fight.

And, oh, I just, I love my kid more than anything.

And I'm just, I'm really fighting for him.

And I just, oh, god I just hope I can get him back he's like I love my kid more than anything except for you know hanging with the boys and you know drinking at Jax's and you know rage texting Brittany it's like

the order of priorities is not so clear yeah he's like come on I told all the boys I'll be adding crews to boys chat come on you gotta let me have him

So he's like, I'm not saying that because he's like, stop saying, you know, stop saying that I'm the one who really really threw it away.

It's like, well, no, no, no, no.

I'm not saying that you're the one that threw it away.

What I'm trying to say is that you can't get over it like that.

She's like, I'm not over anything, obviously.

I mean, he's a, I am impressed with her because she is, he is such a manipulator and she is really so weak that I'm surprised that she has not caved any of these, any of these tactics.

Yeah, it does feel like.

At some point between,

you know, maybe while he was in rehab, she kind of like a switch flipped in her mind where it was like, no, no, no, like that's, that part of it is over and we're not, we're not kind of negotiating the relationship anymore.

And, you know, because she does, she, she does a good job in this conversation of not falling for the traps that he's setting.

Yeah, because he keeps trying to set them.

So finally, he's like, you know what, I'm a piece of shit human being.

I get it.

Fine.

I can't barely even look at you, Dyex.

And he's like, fine.

So then he basically just like leads and slams the door.

And

that's, that's where it it is with that.

He tried some moves there.

They didn't work.

She held her ground.

And now we have the season finale next week, but not much time left with Jax Taylor on the Valley.

Only

two or three more episodes.

Wow.

Three or four.

I don't know.

I don't know how big the reunion is going to be.

You think it's going to be a two-parter or a three-parter?

I would say two because they didn't have a reunion at all last season.

So I feel like

they'll give them two to kind of see how it goes.

But maybe three.

You never know.

It feels like there's three episodes worth of drama but i feel like if it's not a housewife show they seem to be keeping it just to two episodes i'm summoning southern charm i'm usually okay with the two-part maybe maybe one of them gets to be the like the like 53 minute episode length yeah

i'm okay with that too it's a good i think they would have an action-packed two-part reunion which is i i tend to like I like that.

Because like, for instance, I don't know why we have a three-part Atlanta reunion happening for this season.

Like, that makes no sense to me.

Especially, especially when Britt didn't show up.

It's like, there's only two people on the couch on that couch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We don't need three parts.

Anyway, Dylan, thank you so much for coming on and talking about this show.

It's, it was a delight to have you here.

Uh, tell everyone where they can find you.

Well, thank you.

It was a delight to be here.

I, uh, I, I love going through, literally going through the whole episode from top to bottom.

Word by word.

No, thank you.

You can listen to me.

My podcast is called Mention It All.

We do two episodes a week wherever you listen, also on YouTube at Bravo by Betches

with guest episodes every Tuesday and then usually solo episodes every Friday.

And you can follow at Bravo by Betches on Instagram.

And I'm at Dylan Hafer.

Great.

Everyone go give Dylan a follow.

As you could probably hear, he's so funny and so smart and so clever.

So thank you so much for being here.

Thanks, everyone, for listening.

And we'll be back later

for next-gen New York City.

Thanks, Dylan.

Bye, everyone.

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