#2780 Southern Charm Reunion S10E16: Tears on My Pillow - Live in DC

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Speaker 1 Hi everybody, hi.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm graceful as ever, tripping all over the fucking place the second I walk high.

Speaker 1 Um, yeah, it's funny, the cherry blossoms. When I I landed yesterday and I went I landed in Reagan Airport and

Speaker 1 National

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 1 Listen, we paid for that shit.

Speaker 1 We can call it whatever we want to.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I got on the Uber and the driver's like, whoa, it's really busy in DC this weekend. I was like, really? Why? He's like, cherry blossoms.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 they're cherry blossoms right here. You're having fun.
Like, I looked at the cherry blossoms at the airport and I was like, done, got it.

Speaker 1 It really is gorgeous really gorgeous out there we're usually here when it's freezing and everywhere has stairs we haven't even seen that many stairs today yeah

Speaker 1 there were elevators today love that I did a little tour because I couldn't check into my goddamn hotel room so I got one of those little scooter things and went around and toured really pretty stuff I didn't really understand any of it because I didn't pay attention to that part.

Speaker 1 But it was nice. The ducks are bold here.
You've got very, very bold. A duck just came up to me and quacked and stared at me.
I was like, get the fuck out of here. I'm the hungry one.

Speaker 1 We're going to feed you all day. I'm on shit to not let me eat, okay? Get away from me.

Speaker 1 I was really excited because,

Speaker 1 you know, like, I am here as a huge Reality Star fan, as you all know.

Speaker 1 But I secretly enjoy football too.

Speaker 1 And And after I checked in at my hotel, I was walking out of the hotel and none other than star running back for the Washington Commanders, Austin Eckler, opened the door for me.

Speaker 1 And I got so excited and I tweeted out and I texted Ronnie. And then, like, also, I'm secretly, maybe not so secretly, a nerd, and there happens to be a board game convention next door.

Speaker 1 So I went to this board game convention. I was like, you guys, I just saw Austin Eckler.
And they're like, who? And I was so excited. And, like, all day long, I was like, what a great day.

Speaker 1 I saw the cherry blossoms, I saw Austin Eckler, and then I went back to my hotel, and he was there. And I was like, Oh my god, do I say something?

Speaker 1 And then I looked at him and I was like, That's not Austin Eckler at all,

Speaker 1 just a stranger, a stranger held the door for me.

Speaker 1 Well, he showed me pictures from that board game convention. Good lord,

Speaker 1 it was the best. There are men in tights standing over like with elf hats, yeah, standing over life-size game boards about trains yeah

Speaker 1 i played a i played a board game this morning that was a simulation of the spanish civil war

Speaker 1 my cherry blossom came back today and i'm not gonna have a chance to use it around those guys tell you that much

Speaker 1 one thing that's made me sad about dc is the statues are so sad i mean that was back in the time like when they didn't have pictures back then i mean i would guess you know and so you couldn't just be like smile and then look at it again and like fix your face or whatever and then like take it again you just like had to stand there in misery and maybe that's why everybody looks so miserable but there's this statue where the guy's like on a horse right and he's got his sword up and he's like I'm going to war

Speaker 1 and I don't think the other guys knew they were gonna be in the statue because

Speaker 1 the one sitting behind that guy was like

Speaker 1 He's like, double tunes are out. His hat was down.
The other one's playing a horn off-key. They didn't know they were in the shot.
They're like, why don't you tell me I was in this shot?

Speaker 1 How did you pick this to be our fucking statue? Fuck this guy.

Speaker 1 Well, we love coming to DC. You guys may not know this, but you guys are always one of our one or two biggest shows of the year.

Speaker 1 That's why I brought my camera out. I was like, gotta record when it comes out, you know?

Speaker 1 And it's always exciting to see familiar faces. So we already know some of our super premium Patreon sponsors are here.

Speaker 1 I know she's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch is here.

Speaker 1 Where is she?

Speaker 1 Jill.

Speaker 1 Have your sunglasses. Come get them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pass those sunglasses back to Jill.

Speaker 1 Jill was kind enough to make some Dubai chocolate and give it to us.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thank you, Jill. As well as other things.
Thank you, Jill. I also see right in front of us Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Kristen the Piston.

Speaker 1 Do we have other, are there other ones?

Speaker 1 We also got Artie and Lori here who gave us these beautiful shark tooth necklaces for the occasion.

Speaker 1 Wait, and I only see your arm.

Speaker 1 Chrissy Officer, get off on the right boat. Yeah.
Get off on the right boat with Chrissy Offlet. Yes.

Speaker 1 Thank you all for coming and, of course, supporting us on Patreon, et cetera. But it's so great to be back here in DC.
You guys are awesome.

Speaker 1 All right, this thing never recognizes my face. It's me.

Speaker 1 God bless it. All right, everybody.
Welcome to What What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about. And yada yada.

Speaker 1 Yada yada yada. Today is Southern Charm Reunion Part One.

Speaker 1 Kirst.

Speaker 1 Previously on Southern Charm.

Speaker 1 I'm not a washed-up misogynist that mocks homeless women on the street and screws over every lady my penis enters. I'm just a sweet little boy

Speaker 1 who got his heartbroken by a gold-digged bug win half my age. Hersh.

Speaker 1 Jesus quick.

Speaker 1 Way always pretending to be Martha Stewart. Just come out and do some shots with me.
Do some Coke, man. What happened to you?

Speaker 1 You can't be mean to me.

Speaker 1 I said the word addict.

Speaker 1 And I've been victimized by a horrible mean girl from the north.

Speaker 1 Gorsh strong Yankees! Gorsh!

Speaker 1 Guys!

Speaker 1 After an entire season of fighting and throwing each other under the bus, it's finally good to be able to figure out who caused all of our problems in the first place.

Speaker 1 Women!

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 seen.

Speaker 1 So when we open this reunion, you know, everybody's arriving in their cars and stuff. We get all that good stuff.
And then Madison is pregnant and ready to beat the shit out of JT, which I love. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We've been waiting for Madison to beat the shit out of somebody ever since she got with Brett because, you know, Brett's classy. You don't want to mess with a fireman from Los Angeles, all right?

Speaker 1 You got to keep it classy. So she's been behaving herself for the most part, but now she's like, I'm going to rip that little t-paint right the hell off of his head.

Speaker 1 I love a mean, mad, pregnant lady. Reminds me of home.

Speaker 1 It's the lounge from which I came.

Speaker 1 So everyone's getting dressed in their dress rooms. Big update here.
Rodrigo forgot his cufflinks.

Speaker 1 Well, he didn't forget his bug eyes.

Speaker 1 The whole time he's like this.

Speaker 1 Poor Ryan didn't even get invited to this thing.

Speaker 1 He's probably sitting somewhere like,

Speaker 1 but it will be Patricia's first reunion. I don't think she's ever been on one before.
So maybe Ryan will just carry her out. Oh, yeah, that might be.
That might be it. So

Speaker 1 we see them dressing up and everything. And then we go out to Andy.
He's like, ah!

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Let's bring him on out. And they have this archway behind Andy's head.
And it's like a never-ending procession of people that come out of this archway.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it's a set of Patricia's house,

Speaker 1 which is funny. He's like, wow, this is actually a set that's a replica of Patricia's house, but this time the poor people get past the foyer.

Speaker 1 We even have a butler in the corner that you are free to electrocute when you want.

Speaker 1 So good to be here. You know, Charleston's too small of a town to have unfinished business in.

Speaker 1 I'm a leader of industry here.

Speaker 1 God, I hate wearing underwear.

Speaker 1 As every leader of industry says,

Speaker 1 he's not just a leader of industry, he's a storyteller.

Speaker 1 Hey, Craig, welcome. This is clapping.
Hey, Shep, welcome.

Speaker 1 Hey, Shop there. Hey, Awesome.
Welcome.

Speaker 1 Awesome.

Speaker 1 Hey, lady who runs the donut shop down the street. Welcome.
Did you get new boobs? Donut lady.

Speaker 1 Hey, person who who has to carry. Patricia's back.
Welcome to the reunion. Oh, my God.
She looks great. She looks great.
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 And then JT finally comes out, and everyone's like.

Speaker 1 Hey does that awkward handshake thing. He's like, hi, Andy.
I'm a gentleman, so I'm going to shake your hand.

Speaker 1 My favorite is Leva, though, because God bless Leva, man. I mean, first of all, she's still here.
For now,

Speaker 1 Leva quit. No, she didn't quit.
She got fired. She got fired, right? She did? Yeah, you didn't know? Wait, I did not know this.
Then you need to get the actual.

Speaker 1 I have been simulating the Spanish Civil War.

Speaker 1 Fin's over here paying to read the New York Times. Reddit is free, bitch.

Speaker 1 Get on it. We're going to have to put that on the in-memoriam for the next crappies now.
I'm surprised you didn't hear, that's right!

Speaker 1 From all the way at my house when I read Reddit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Leva quit and she did this whole thing like, guys, what a fun season, but you know, I'm just my other show is so successful now. I'm just going to concentrate on that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to really start rallying the troops to not let people wear Nikes after 8 p.m. It's a huge issue where I'm from.
So,

Speaker 1 so she's out. But for now, she comes on and she's in this dress that only comes to like just right here, like on her nail.

Speaker 1 And she's got a lot going on. She's like, hi.
Oh, God, Jesus. I'm like, did Grace Lily style you

Speaker 1 she looks like me after one week of ozempic where i thought i would lose like 50 pounds and i lost nothing i was like look at me

Speaker 1 hi i'm your host andy goen reuniting with the gang from a show i don't really watch but i'll just ask them questions southern charm

Speaker 1 We're going to break down this milestone season where hearts were broken, friendships faltered, and even our resident, Peter Panz, tried to grow up. Ha, ha, ha.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, you all Sandy Duncan, 80 years old, still coming out as Peter Pan.

Speaker 1 At some point, at some point, somebody just has to say, it's not working.

Speaker 1 Sandy Duncan came flying out over that reunion stage on a wire.

Speaker 1 What a dream that would have been. She's cast like throwing wheat thins down at the cast.

Speaker 1 Holding onto to a walker as she flies around.

Speaker 1 She's gonna hold on forever.

Speaker 1 So Madison comes out and she's pregnant. She's like, hi, everybody.
I'm pregnant. Like, oh my god, Madison's pregnant.
We're all such good friends. Nobody's even seen her.

Speaker 1 I know. Like, you haven't even seen her Instagram.
Come on, Matt.

Speaker 1 We, okay, I'm so glad this came up because last week we were in Charlotte and someone pulled us aside and said, you guys need to know something.

Speaker 1 Apparently, starting in 2025, this is the first year of the beta generation, which means that Madison is literally giving birth to a beta.

Speaker 1 Isn't that funny?

Speaker 1 That was so fucking funny. And people say, God doesn't watch Bravo.
Come on. The previous generation, unfortunately, was the corn generation.

Speaker 1 So this child will not be born for corn and will be a beta.

Speaker 1 And she's like, you know, I don't, I'm not like everybody else, I don't want to hold the important news in, so it's going to be a girl.

Speaker 1 And the best news is, she ain't going to look nothing like Austin.

Speaker 1 She's going to chew when she chews and talk when she talks. That's just how it goes.
It's not going to be a combo, y'all.

Speaker 1 Well, I could see everyone was surprised when you walked in. Wow, I mean, not a dry eye in the house.
There were so many tears. Vanita almost drowned.

Speaker 1 oh yeah you know my little son he's just so cute he's just very protective of her and he came up to me he said mama I've never seen you fat before

Speaker 1 you told me I'm not supposed to talk to fat people am I still allowed to talk to you

Speaker 1 I said it's a temporary thing in nine months you can go back to the rules

Speaker 1 but he still walks around

Speaker 1 Around the house doing what I taught him to poking me with his stick saying walk faster fatty. So it's

Speaker 1 Madison explains that the way she like hid it from everyone is that she told people that she's been doing like a dry January or whatever. And Craig is like, Wait a second,

Speaker 1 I was with you.

Speaker 1 I thought you were sober for the month.

Speaker 1 You thought I was supporting your sobriety? You barely even support that. Get the fuck out of here.
I'm pregnant.

Speaker 1 Leave it to Craig to miss the entire baby bump. That's like plainly obvious for everyone to see.

Speaker 1 So then Vanita. Vanita's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 And Andy is like, Vanita, that made you cry. She goes, yeah, I'm just trying to keep my eyes from running.
Hold on, let me look at my mirror.

Speaker 1 Her whole dress is mirror, so it's like, that thing is terrifying. I know.
Every time she talked, it was like,

Speaker 1 like, everything was rattling.

Speaker 1 Hey, Ms. Ross.

Speaker 1 You know, no one on the cast understood what Andy was talking about when he said Ms. Ross.

Speaker 1 Is that the lady who invented the discount store

Speaker 1 My mother loves that place

Speaker 1 So Andy's like so are you surprised that JT is here? She's like no

Speaker 1 Can you make that a complete sentence?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not surprised.

Speaker 1 You're trying. You're trying.
Hey Shep!

Speaker 1 Looks like you brought a shark tooth necklace. Did you do that, Shep?

Speaker 1 Shabbat, you sure did. You want a shark tooth necklace too? Sure.

Speaker 1 What kind do you want?

Speaker 1 Oh, I have options. Are you a hammerhead?

Speaker 1 Are you a great white? Maybe, sort of. Are you a basking bull?

Speaker 1 Are you a nurse shark? Are you a lemon shark? Are you a leopard shark? Are you a copper shark?

Speaker 1 Are you a black tip?

Speaker 1 Oh, well, actually.

Speaker 1 It's a little personal there, buddy, all right?

Speaker 1 So last I heard JT, you quit the show. He's like, yeah, Andy, you know why?

Speaker 1 I had a little bitch moment.

Speaker 1 And then I got over it when I realized I'm still unemployed and Bunny kicked me out of the house. So

Speaker 1 I'm back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a real bitch moment. I mean, I could not have thought of a bigger bitch moment I could have had than when I had that bitch moment.
But just as a reminder, I never say the B word.

Speaker 1 I would never say that. I women I support Miss Patricia and I would never say the B word I was just having a bitch moment that's it

Speaker 1 and Sally's like your inner bitch comes out a lot well take note Sally we need more from you give me more I love the blowjob in the parking lot I need more

Speaker 1 that sounded wrong

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Speaker 1 And the bonus, Quince pieces make great gifts too. I got a cashmere hoodie in like an oatmeal color, and it's finally time that I get to wear this thing.

Speaker 1 I'm wearing it all the time, and I look adorable and dashing. I love them for the wardrobe pieces like this, you know, when it's like cold, you get a nice sweater, a nice pair of pants.

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Speaker 1 Talk about cherry blossoms. The first time I've ever said that.
My usual line is: stop, I'm exhausted.

Speaker 1 So, JT, when was the last time you and Vanita spoke?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 how long was that again? I don't really remember. October 28th.

Speaker 1 Can you be more specific? Like 7:58 p.m.

Speaker 1 And ever since then, there have been three dots blinking at me while he tries to think of a response.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 we're still in the middle of this process, so hi, Leva. How's it going, Leva? Love your dress, Leva.

Speaker 1 And then what the weirdest thing started happening, my TV just started moving really fast like it was being fast-forwarded.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm just so excited to get a break from those lovable kooks over at Republic selling hot dogs

Speaker 1 they say that syphilis doesn't storm Andy but let me tell you

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 Molly welcome to your first reunion she's like

Speaker 1 How are you doing tonight? Feeling incredibly fat, Andy. I'm wearing a size zero, but inside I'm just busting out all over it, Andy.

Speaker 1 All right, Sally, good to see you. God, you are a beauty.

Speaker 1 See what I did there? Okay, no one did.

Speaker 1 Think about it. Think about it.
It'll be funny when you put the words together. And then you'll remember Reza having a scene there once.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Sally, please reenact your best scene of the year.

Speaker 1 Wow!

Speaker 1 Nice cans! Nice cans, lady. You want to take these down-a-saws?

Speaker 1 You're the first woman who's ever come in here that I haven't had to ask. Are those new boobs?

Speaker 1 Hey, Austin, what's going on?

Speaker 1 Hey, Pookie. Got a girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Madison might be pregnant, but I'm with child as well. I'm just dating her.

Speaker 1 Hey, so who came up with that nickname Pookie?

Speaker 1 He called me boo-boo. Yeah, you know, Andy, it's just anything, any kind of name that can

Speaker 1 infantilize a woman immediately. And then we get to Taylor, who has, is she wearing two dresses? I was so confused what was happening there.

Speaker 1 It was like one dress was like doing the alien thing out of the other dress. Yeah, she was like in the middle of a costume change, you know, in a Broadway show.
They were like,

Speaker 1 get out. You're on tits.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 Anna,

Speaker 1 whatever your favorite name is. Taylor Ann Green.
Ann Green. I love saying your full name.

Speaker 1 For the longest time, I thought you were Marjorie Taylor Green and I was so confused. I thought, wow, what a monster, but at least she's got a personality this season.
Am I right?

Speaker 1 Question, is it Gaston or Gaston? And do you have nudes

Speaker 1 of him to show me?

Speaker 1 It's Gaston.

Speaker 1 Just like Beauty and the Beast, Andy.

Speaker 1 Did you watch Beauty and the Beast?

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you bragging about, girl?

Speaker 1 I think that was her relationship with Shep.

Speaker 1 So, then...

Speaker 1 All right. What is Uchi? People like...
Oh.

Speaker 1 Shep. They're like, he's an asshole, but we still fuck him.
We cut off his ass.

Speaker 1 Cherry Blossom Day. How dare you? You leave his name out of your mouth.

Speaker 1 All right. Hey, Craig.
What's going on, Greg? How are you doing, Craig?

Speaker 1 She's like, I can't stop laughing, Andy. Sorry.

Speaker 1 All right, that's the entire cast. Next week on part two, the reunion.

Speaker 1 I was like, how long was this taking?

Speaker 1 So everyone's really upset about your breakup with Paige, huh, Craig? He's like, yeah, the world is like going crazy over it, Andy, you know? Like, I look out my window and people are burning Teslas.

Speaker 1 It's like...

Speaker 1 Paige really did a number on this country.

Speaker 1 I can't believe how many federal employees Paige is firing right now.

Speaker 1 If one man on this show would apologize as much as a current Tesla owner is apologizing to everybody around them, we'd have no problems.

Speaker 1 There are stickers. These poor Tesla drivers are driving around like, sorry, I bought this before all this shit happened.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, please don't key my car.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 remember when you guys broke up? Ha ha ha. Cut to Paige saying, this is the last time you'll ever see me.
You just don't know it yet. Ha ha ha.

Speaker 1 He's like, ha ha.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, like, I never saw a coming Andy. I mean, like, it was crazy.
Like, there were no red flags. All right, let's uh please roll

Speaker 1 a montage of red flags. Um, I fucking hate you.
Would you please fucking die? You're disgusting. I can't wait to never see your face again.
Hey, Pete, you want to come to the Bahamas?

Speaker 1 Do I get to drown you there?

Speaker 1 I've started to see someone else. This was two years ago.

Speaker 1 And while he's trying to, you know, woe is me, a vase falls off of a table. And they're like, oh my god.
He's like, that was the first red flag I saw.

Speaker 1 No, that was just me. I'm sorry.
Then I'm sitting backstage. I was aiming at Randy.

Speaker 1 She's just throwing bosses like Donkey Kong.

Speaker 1 So Craig is like, I will say that when we were together in private, that's what I base our relationship off of. And there weren't any signs.

Speaker 1 And Shep and Austin are just looking at each other like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 So he's like, Shep, did you see any signs? When did you hear about this? And Shep's like, well, I was reading Kerouac and Kanawan down in the Geraldines

Speaker 1 the Grenadines sorry the Geraldines the Geraldine Grenadines

Speaker 1 like Ship what does that even matter why who cares if you went to a grenadine factory whatever enjoy your Shirley Temple

Speaker 1 Just want everyone to know I was in a very intellectually stimulating place when I read about the horrible breakup. It was in Spanish.

Speaker 1 The island had no electricity. It was great.
But then I told him that they had to watch the seminal documentary, The Vietnam War, by Ken Burns.

Speaker 1 And they brought electricity to the island just to watch it.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, I already knew because Craig and I were together in Toronto, and he's acting like a real fucking pussy, alright?

Speaker 1 Well, Paige called me and broke up with me after Thanksgiving when Austin and I were about to do a live show. And then I texted you eventually, and you were like, why aren't you going to London?

Speaker 1 And I said, well, I'm going to London. And then he was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, I'm a storyteller.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I love that Craig victimizes himself even in this because he's like, after Thanksgiving, before a live show. I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 now Paige is coming for the theater.

Speaker 1 The arts.

Speaker 1 Please let me know when its place is. Okay, three, two, one.
I'm breaking up with you. Okay, have a great show.

Speaker 1 Dear God, I would just like to give thanks for this being the last fucking day I have to stare at this turkey. Thank you.

Speaker 1 That is so cold, though. Well, she could have done it before Thanksgiving.
At least she fed him first.

Speaker 1 She literally probably said, you know what I love about Thanksgiving? It's when I can say thanks for giving me space for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 So, Andy's like, okay, well, there's two things that stick out to me. Sally, please put your boobs away now.
We're done with that cigar.

Speaker 1 Now, you said that she broke up with you the night that you were doing a live show. And Austin's like, yeah, it was like two days after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 Spectre Poirot over here.

Speaker 1 It's like, but you lied to me on Watch What Happens Live.

Speaker 1 And we see a flashback of basically Andy saying like, so like, are you guys engaged? And Craig's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 And Andy's, like, pissed that he didn't get like an honest answer in one of those shows. Because Craig's not only lying, but he doesn't, he's like, oh, we just had a great Thanksgiving together.

Speaker 1 She's basically asked for my popsicle sperms and an easy bake oven to get them warmed up. We're about to stick them in there.
It's going to be great, Andy. She's wanting, she wants a ton of...

Speaker 1 She asked me for a minivan, Andy. She asked me for a minivan.
He's like, wait a minute. And Andy is like, do you feel like that was telling the truth?

Speaker 1 And then this is a cliffhanger. And so then we had a commercial, which I missed this commercial entirely, but apparently there was a commercial for Sensodyne toothpaste with Craig in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, ladies, like, hello, pillowman.

Speaker 1 Hello, lawyer, pillowman, extraordinaire, leader of industry, captain of crowds. Everybody loves him.
It's Craig Carnabo for Sensodyne. He's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 You brush your teeth with it.

Speaker 1 When you're sensitive, you need a sensitive toothpaste.

Speaker 1 So he goes through this whole thing of lies where he's like, well, you know, after a three-year relationship where she asked me to buy her a ring. She did not.
I do not believe it. I want video.

Speaker 1 Do you think, you guys think that she did? No, okay. I thought they were actually.
She knows she did. She's not going to trust Craig to pick out a ring.

Speaker 1 I don't think she would ask Craig to buy her a ring. I think she would say, my mother's going to buy a ring.
How much are you willing to spend? She'll reimburse you, you fucking loser.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Ain't trusting him to go to a store. Yeah, and then you get any store.

Speaker 1 You go and you have like Thanksgiving, and it's great.

Speaker 1 And then, like, you buy a ring, and then like you go, you get a phone call, and you're after spending a great Thanksgiving, and then she was like, we'll talk about it.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, well, I don't think it's real. But then I watched her, I was live.
I went to her apartment. I was like, what's going on?

Speaker 1 And she was like, I'm probably making the worst mistake of my life, but I need to go find myself. And I was like, okay.
And she's like, this means I'm breaking up with you. I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 She's like, that means you have to leave the apartment now. And I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 And you have to ask Chris and Cavallari to stop doing TikToks in my living room, please, when I'm not home. Did you see that? I saw that on Reddit today.
They're like, is this Peja Studio apartment?

Speaker 1 And Chris K-Calf's like.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, what about the ring? And she's like, keep it. It looks hideous.
Anyway, I would never wear that thing. And I was like, but what about the ring, though? She goes, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll get married at BravoCon. That was a joke.
I'm already telling you right now it was a joke. And I was like, she wants to get married at BravoCon.

Speaker 1 Andy goes, wait, maybe married at BravoCon? Fuck yeah, finally.

Speaker 1 And Molly's like, yeah, that seems like a lot of mixed signals. It seems like a lot of fucking lies.
You think Paige for one second was like, oh my God, let's get married at BravoCon. No, stupid.

Speaker 1 She clearly at the same time.

Speaker 1 She was saying, you bought a ring the same as we would ever get married at BravoCon. None of this is happening, okay? Crazy person.
She's like, oh, well, maybe we'll get married at BravoCon, loser.

Speaker 1 He's like, wow, it's happening.

Speaker 1 So Craig is doing this whole like,

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving, BravoCon, brought a ring. And then he's like...

Speaker 1 This is a great idea.

Speaker 1 He's like counting money in his head. He's already putting it together.

Speaker 1 Again, this isn't like we broke up and then it was over and I moved on with my life.

Speaker 1 We had been like planning our life together for three years and like we had been fantasizing about starting a family.

Speaker 1 Roll the tape of so many times when Paige seems so interested in starting a family.

Speaker 1 So funny and they're at the little goat farm and Craig's petting a goat and he's like yeah, but like I just like thought like we you know like I fantasize like about us starting a family and we have kids and you don't work and you don't wear shoes and you're just in the kitchen, you know, cleaning a counter and stuff.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, Paige, yeah, Craig, well, guess what? I fantasize like an idiot, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not real. I fantasize that Zara has a sale every week.
It just doesn't happen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then like, I was just in a weird place in December, you know, and we talked throughout December. And, you know, I would say, like, come back.
And she'd say, like, no. And I'd be like,

Speaker 1 so yes.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, two two days before the New Year, she texted me and said, I just want you to know I'm talking about on my podcast so that we're no longer together.

Speaker 1 Man, Paige is going for every fucking holiday. I love that.
It's like Thanksgiving, dumped him.

Speaker 1 And right before New Year, the most romantic holiday of the year, she's like, by the way, I just added our fucking breakup, you loser.

Speaker 1 You were too weak to talk about it. I'll watch what happens live.
So I just did it for us. Happen.

Speaker 1 And then all my stuff showed up on my porch. And then it became real, especially when it was addressed to ew.gross at Charleston

Speaker 1 came with a card that said dear die alone

Speaker 1 when she sent you a pair of flip-flops you know Paige didn't allow his shit in that house that was flip-flops in the toothpaste crime your river it was a crooked machine she was like oh my god get this out of here

Speaker 1 well I guess the reason I glommed on to you saying that is that you kind of definitely said that Paige called and broke up with you.

Speaker 1 Well, to be fair, she did break up with me on the phone because she said, I think we need to break up. But I just, I didn't receive it.
I took it as we're going to get married.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, why would you choose not to share with Austin when you're in the city of nice people who share a lot of Toronto?

Speaker 1 And he's like, oh, this is going to be harsh, but I don't trust Austin yet. And Austin's like,

Speaker 1 Craig,

Speaker 1 Craig, Craig! You're probably right, you're probably right.

Speaker 1 So Craig's like, yeah, it was harsh, but that was my honest feeling. And I was freaking out, you know, like, if everybody talks about it, it makes it real.

Speaker 1 You know what else makes it real? It being real.

Speaker 1 So Austin is like, well, it's pretty obvious to me that Craig was like keeping me a bit at bay, you know? And I'm like, I'm not upset at Craig and just sad that he couldn't turn to me.

Speaker 1 And Shep is like, yeah, gosh, my biggest concern was I'm sure Craig was getting inundated at the moment with the news. So I thought it was important to send him a supportive message.

Speaker 1 So I texted him and I said,

Speaker 1 as Sir William Shakespeare once wrote, Ophelia doth boweth to the mighty storm. And I know you're sad, but I hope to see your pretty little freckled lips smile again.

Speaker 1 The moisture leaking out of your eyes is as dewy as a sunset in March.

Speaker 1 I love your freckled little penis.

Speaker 1 All right, Seth, back down, back down, Seth.

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, yeah, I mean, I never like felt so supported in my life. Like, Andy sent me like a grinder notification that you,

Speaker 1 he was 10 feet away from me. That really meant a lot, Andy.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Wow. Hey, Madison, how did you find out about this?

Speaker 1 You know, I reached out to Craig immediately and I said, haha, loser.

Speaker 1 And I sent a text to Paige and I said,

Speaker 1 listen, I know you won't talk to me right now because I'm kind of fat.

Speaker 1 But please, let's be friends after this. Please don't make me stay alone with these men.

Speaker 1 So she's like, yeah, I reached out to Craig immediately online. And he handled it very well.
I mean, considering, you know, he's lied for months about it.

Speaker 1 made up stories and then tried to villainize and victimize Paige. But, you know, beyond that, I mean, for this guy, it's pretty good.

Speaker 1 He didn't attempt to assault nobody, so it's a win. It's a win for this show.

Speaker 1 Vanita, you mentioned on the after show that you actually reached out to Paige. She's like, yep, I just texted her and I said, I love you.
I know you have your heart broken.

Speaker 1 You were my way out of this place, so please don't forget about me.

Speaker 1 I was like, I know this was really, really hard on you, but at least you haven't had to fuck both Whitney and Shop.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 I gotta say, I gotta say, oh god, I gotta tell you guys, I was on CNN bringing the new year, I mean, waste it all fuck

Speaker 1 with Anderson, and there was John Hamm. And we see John Hamm, who's like, hey, by the way,

Speaker 1 what's going on with Paige and Craig? Am I right?

Speaker 1 America? And he's like, what was that lawyer to have John Ham say your name on TV?

Speaker 1 Well, it was a little weird because at the same time he was saying that you were trying to get a zipper down. That was kind of odd.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Big Mad Men fan.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because Paige, he says that Paige was like, oh my God, I've watched this like a million times.
John Hamm mentioned me. And he's like, some people are just different, I guess.

Speaker 1 And Shep goes, yeah, that was pretty uncool. Like, yeah, that was mean.
No, I mean, John Hamm trying to do comedy again. He just should stop doing it.

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, yeah, she commented on it and she was like, I've watched this a million times. It's amazing.
I mean like we're just so different. Like how are you finding fun in this, you know?

Speaker 1 Like who is she since this breakup? Like she's fighting with people in comments. She's starting to say mean stuff about me based on what the internet is saying and I'm like I didn't do anything to you

Speaker 1 sir

Speaker 1 You made up a whole bullshit story for a month and made her sit on it and then when she finally admitted it you said you were just blindsided and came on doing one of your sweater talks on the Instagram, smiling and winking at the camera like you were the biggest victim in the country, okay?

Speaker 1 And even worse, Paige can be an asshole, but she wasn't an asshole then. And do you know how hard that was for her?

Speaker 1 That was a whole month of being nice to someone that she probably wanted to die. So you sat on your counter and put your foot in the sink.
Enough. You're done.

Speaker 1 So, yeah,

Speaker 1 he's really mad at how how Paige is acting on social media. I'm personally loving it.
Are you guys following how Paige is acting? So the boys, all three of the boys, went on

Speaker 1 Watch What Happens the other day, and Craig was doing this whole like, oh, I was blindsided to her. She's being so mean to me, this and that.

Speaker 1 So Paige started doing that passive-aggressive like thing that you do because she's got so many followers that she's always the top like on all of the posts.

Speaker 1 So if she comments on a New York post thing and it's about, I don't know, like Pakistan got into grape jelly suddenly and Paige de Sorbo likes it, it'll be like Paige de Sorbo likes this.

Speaker 1 That's all they say. Love that for grape jelly.
Love that for grape jelly.

Speaker 1 So he sees them all. So one of them was, let's not forget that this was the Craig that Paige inherited.
She did way more for this spoiled brat than he ever did for her.

Speaker 1 And it's Craig from her union being like,

Speaker 1 like all upset. And then it's like, Paige de Sorbo like this.

Speaker 1 I'm Paige de Sorbo, and I approve this message.

Speaker 1 And then after he called her mean, she just put one little thing on her story that said, I'm as mean as you make me.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Don't change a thing, Paige. Commercials.

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Speaker 1 So, Taylor, do you have any advice for Craig about going to a public breakup? So, Taylor's like, um, delete all videos and memories and personality and inflection in your voice.

Speaker 1 Don't leave any videos on your phone because if you keep looking at them, you're gonna just start thinking that every video is supposed to be covering the lens with foam as it progresses.

Speaker 1 Taylor

Speaker 1 Spitting food coming out of his mouth.

Speaker 1 Well, erasing memories is the step I'm getting into

Speaker 1 eternal sunshine of a storyteller's mind.

Speaker 1 So then Rodrigo's like, sex tapes, gotta delete the sex tapes.

Speaker 1 Taylor Ann, did you delete all the videos of Shep the way they didn't delete the videos of you and showed them to the entire cast last season?

Speaker 1 Don't worry, Wendy still has her naked picture.

Speaker 1 I don't have any pictures of him on my phone. It's not out of spite, it's just having basic human standards.

Speaker 1 Don't worry, I've got him if you ever need them.

Speaker 1 Memories

Speaker 1 like the corners of my guard.

Speaker 1 I'm saying beautiful.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 Austin, I'll tell you one thing. Just when you thought we couldn't wedge this video in here, we're going to do it.
Austin, that video view pops up every single time. Cue it! Medicine! Madison!

Speaker 1 Madison! Madison!

Speaker 1 Insane right now! Madison! Insane right now, Madison!

Speaker 1 Caught you by surprise, Austin.

Speaker 1 That thing has played more than Charlie Brown Christmas.

Speaker 1 The way they just dropped it and they're out of nowhere, they're just, you know, I have to say, golf clap to the editors. That was wonderful.
So good.

Speaker 1 That was just like a jump scare. Like,

Speaker 1 that was just

Speaker 1 beautiful. So then, did she break up with you for a new guy? Because this was during that

Speaker 1 gossip sesh where it was Joe Temelio. Is she with Joe Temelio? And Craig's like, please, I told her, please, if you're with another guy, just put me out of my misery.

Speaker 1 Craig, you tried stopping me from putting you out of your misery every time I held one of your goddamn pillows over your face. Now you want it?

Speaker 1 I'm not driving all the way back there.

Speaker 1 And she promised she wasn't dating anyone or talking to anyone. And then she said, really, sorry, I don't know why I'm talking like that.

Speaker 1 And then she said some really crazy stuff.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, what was it? What was it, Craig? What was it, Craig? Yeah, what was the crazy stuff? Like, I want to know the crazy stuff. Like, what was it?

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. Okay, it's not crazy.
She was just like, but why? Why didn't you try to get me back?

Speaker 1 No, she didn't. She did not.

Speaker 1 She was like,

Speaker 1 She was like,

Speaker 1 you owe me $5.

Speaker 1 I told you I'd get you back someday, but I'm not going to do that. She was like, you stole one of my towels.
You told me you would give it back. Give it back.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I was like, you know, I have been trying to get you back. Like, that's not fair.
And she was like, I think it's very clear we made the right decision. And I was like, we didn't make the decision.

Speaker 1 And she said, I met me and my mom.

Speaker 1 Do you feel gaslit?

Speaker 1 Maybe. Well, why didn't you beg for her to come back? Well,

Speaker 1 because I knew you shouldn't be dating someone you have to beg to be with. I'm like, well, that was after the first date.
So

Speaker 1 I just wish. Is that true?

Speaker 1 I've really been doing it wrong.

Speaker 1 Like, please,

Speaker 1 come back.

Speaker 1 I didn't give you those MMs. I said you could have one.

Speaker 1 Don't make me call Uber Eads. Come back.
Listen, I think when you've been on this show and you've seen Catherine Dennis run down a pier going, Tom I'm going to

Speaker 1 Craig knows,

Speaker 1 maybe you don't beg, maybe you don't beg.

Speaker 1 She goes, I just wish she would have been honest from the beginning and none of this would have been happening. Craig, what part of her going, ugh?

Speaker 1 For three years says she wasn't being honest. What part of my career will always come before being your wife and child? Did you not understand, sir?

Speaker 1 Because we've all been hearing this for the past year. What part of I hate coming down here and I hate you was not honest?

Speaker 1 So, well, we obviously have a lot more to dig on this topic. We're going to somehow make this a three-hour reunion.
We'll come to this 20 more times.

Speaker 1 So now they go on break and they come back.

Speaker 1 And Madison has had personal challenges, which we're not going to talk about today because Ronnie is extremely bored by very dramatic storylines that involve cancer and dying. So,

Speaker 1 we are happy, we are very happy that Brett is great, and we're happy that she's pregnant and has a healthy child. Yes, of course.
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 All right, that was great. So, we got a lot of viewer questions about this FaceTime call that happened between you, Brett, and JT before the season happens.

Speaker 1 And JT's like, Oh, thank you, thank you for finally addressing this. Okay, so tell me what happened before I fall asleep.

Speaker 1 Now, there is a clip going around. Well, it's on TV.
Okay, it's going around.

Speaker 1 In some circles, it was on television.

Speaker 1 Where JT does say at that golf place, like, what the hell? I mean,

Speaker 1 how would you feel if Madison called you up and said,

Speaker 1 what's his face? Brett. Brett and I hooked up.
So he did say that.

Speaker 1 But the way it's been taken after that has confused me because then didn't Madison say something at one point during the season where she was like, ah, we just called him because you know he had some questions about the trip.

Speaker 1 And then he was asking who I was hanging out with. Was Austin in the room? She said that, right? It's not in my head.

Speaker 1 Because I do make up things. I'm like a crazy person.

Speaker 1 Come back. So she basically.

Speaker 1 I'm a go-go boy.

Speaker 1 I gave you $5.

Speaker 1 So Madison basically is like, look, you know, Brett and I, we called JT and we were just joking, like, oh my God, what happened that crazy night? That was such a funny time.

Speaker 1 And JT's like, I mean, if we're going to stick with the truth, I got to defend myself.

Speaker 1 You and I thought we were friends, so when I get a phone call from a friend being like, serious questions, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Call me old-fashioned.

Speaker 1 Okay. Not when he was angry, okay?

Speaker 1 We were laughing, laughing okay it wasn't like we were you know JT why are you hanging out with Madison it wasn't like that you know and if JT felt like there was an issue and we were true friends why don't just come to me instead of running behind my back he's like cuz I was uncomfortable with the two of you on FaceTime how would you feel if two people called you on FaceTime

Speaker 1 They asked you intimate questions like do you lead a girl on before or after you have Branzino?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, I think it's probably not a great time to dive into the nitty-gritty.

Speaker 1 Out of respect for Madison, you know, whose relationship I really care about. He's giving the full Thomas Ravenale.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maya hands, mayah hands.

Speaker 1 Benita's like, you didn't come here to look cute. Answer the question.

Speaker 1 And so Sally's like, well, you love to make accusations and then you don't give details. Like, well, I don't need to dive into the details.

Speaker 1 I just need to drop sort of a general idea, start some rumors, and be like, I'm a gentleman. That's it.

Speaker 1 You do need to dive into details. It's part of the plot.
Just do it. So he's like, well, you know, it was just questions about whatabouts, whereabouts, who's abouts, who's its, what's its, galore.

Speaker 1 You know how it goes.

Speaker 1 Were you on the beach? Who were you with? Who was in your room? Who was there? Did Austin have his penis and anything?

Speaker 1 And I thought this was just going to be a routine call, and it wasn't a routine call. And then I talked to the boys at the driving range because that's what cool boys do, right, boys? Driving range.

Speaker 1 Madison finally comes through with some really solid evidence. She was like, look,

Speaker 1 if my husband were jealous, he would not be happy about me filming my stupid motherfucking ex over there, Austin, and this fucker, Shep, and all the...

Speaker 1 Actually, maybe...

Speaker 1 Maybe you guys don't even have a chance. So yeah, maybe he gets jealous.
You guys just don't have a chance to make him jealous. Yeah, so okay, I think about it that way instead.

Speaker 1 And do you understand how that's relayed back to me? It's a friend. And he's like, it was relayed.
It was butchered. I never meant to say Brett thought we had sex.

Speaker 1 I meant to say Brett thought we were having a torrid love affair. And who could blame her?

Speaker 1 Vanita, you obviously,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm assuming you've spoken to JT about this offline and you're close with Madison. What do you think happened on the phone call?

Speaker 1 And Vanita, who's literally been staring at JT the whole time, she's like,

Speaker 1 I can't even look at him.

Speaker 1 Look at me, Ms. Ross.

Speaker 1 Hi, Leva here. Um, look.

Speaker 1 Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. I mean, I get why Vanita's upset, you know, like, there's a reason I don't go on these group trips, and that's why you're fired, Leva.
I know.

Speaker 1 Well, fuck, Leva.

Speaker 1 And this leads into a fight with Leva and Craig that makes literally no sense, but it's fun to watch. She's like, you know, it gets complicated, complicated, you know.

Speaker 1 Like, honestly, I think he just wanted, you know, it got blown out of proportion. Should have just been like, look, I had a weird call with Bretton Madison.

Speaker 1 I don't really know how to navigate it, which I actually agree with. I agree with Leva on that point.
And Craig's like, go back to what JT said earlier.

Speaker 1 She's like, no, you know your words, right, Craig? Use your words. What?

Speaker 1 Hey, hold on. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 She's like, okay, well, anyway, as I was trying to say, uh,

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Craig's doing that thing where he just keeps going

Speaker 1 and using like one-syllable words until you stop. And like real housewives do it, but they're more eloquent.
You know, they'll be like, oh, I said what I said. I said what I said.

Speaker 1 Why are you coming after me when I just said what I said? Don't be trying to talk to me when I just said that. I was very eloquent when I said what you said.

Speaker 1 But Craig's just like, why? Ugh. Ugh.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 don't gaslight me.

Speaker 1 You're gaslighting me. I'm not gaslighting you.
You're gaslighting me.

Speaker 1 And they're getting into this fight. We're like, Jesus Christ, Leva.
And she's like, I can't deal with this guy anymore. Here's the thing.
Leva is standing up for JT, which she should be

Speaker 1 in a moment. But right now, JT did say that.
He didn't say we were fucking or anything right now. But I saw the TV clip.

Speaker 1 And JT did say, what would you feel if Brett thought we were screwing or whatever he said? So he's kind of right, but Craig is so belligerent already.

Speaker 1 You know, this is going to be a reunion of Craig Lives, which I welcome.

Speaker 1 Because because whenever someone starts they're like I'm just a good little boy I'm Carl 97.8 I just cannot wait for that man to turn into a raging motherfucker again you know

Speaker 1 and so I love that Craig can't even keep it off

Speaker 1 Carl 97.8 just gonna stay this is the one

Speaker 1 this is the one that sticks this one sticks I met a girl I met a girl at a softball game while I met her parents her name is Lil

Speaker 1 I'm a new man

Speaker 1 guys we're starting over. This is Carl Soft.0.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to go to the game. I was like, I don't know if I want to go to a baseball game.
They said, don't worry, it's not a baseball game. It's a softball game.

Speaker 1 And I said, I'm there.

Speaker 1 Staying on brand.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Craig has returned to belligerent Craig already. He's red-facing, ah, shut up, that's stupid.

Speaker 1 She's like, she's like, do you have have to be rude right now, Craig? Why are you being so rude right now? How long does it take you to ask a question?

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to say some words. You're being so rude right now, Craig.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You're saying...

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Are there two of me talking right now?

Speaker 1 Do you think if Paige knew there was another one of me, she would date the other one of me instead?

Speaker 1 you need to be a man

Speaker 1 and you need to say i'm a man and i lied that's what we need from you

Speaker 1 i'm being a man and i'm telling you exactly what the fuck you said times ten

Speaker 1 Just say I, Craig, lied, Craig. You have lost it, Craig.
You have lost it, Craig, lost it.

Speaker 1 He keeps calling me a liar. I didn't lie.
Like, literally, Craig, you lie every single day. Every second for every single show.
It's been 10 years.

Speaker 1 So Leba's still getting in there. And I was like, despite all of Craig's lies, Craig says the line that I know made Ronnie stand up and cheer

Speaker 1 in his room when Craig said, Leba, you said more today than you did the whole season.

Speaker 1 I knew, I was like, that was for Ronnie. That was for Ronnie.

Speaker 1 So then Andy's like, well, Madison, you commented on Instagram that you planned on apologizing to JT at the reunion. That should be funny.
Do it. She's like,

Speaker 1 god damn it. All right.
Well,

Speaker 1 I know how difficult it is to be short when you're a man.

Speaker 1 Because I'm at the same eye level and I can see the disappointment in your eyes every time you can't get on a roller coaster.

Speaker 1 And I'm sorry for that.

Speaker 1 I do genuinely care about our friendship that we never really had. And she's like...

Speaker 1 Well, it's being very sad. And, you know, it doesn't feel good this way.
And I don't like not liking anyone, but when you're not born for corn,

Speaker 1 I just don't know how far this friendship can really last. But you need to understand that my family.
I'll go to the ends of the earth for my family. I will go through the ends of the earth.

Speaker 1 I will go from the top of the corn all the way to the bottom of that stock for my family. So they both apologize.
They actually have a nice apology. I'm like, oh, finally, progress.

Speaker 1 And they move forward. And JT's like, by the way, I just want to say while we're on this topic, I'm just going to add this.

Speaker 1 Like, if I was married and my wife and I called you on FaceTime during our Bran Zeno dinner

Speaker 1 and she deposed you, I think you would feel a little uncomfortable. And they're like, oh, JT, you almost had a win.
You almost had a win. And you let it slip through your fingers.

Speaker 1 I never should have aired laundry that was dirty when you didn't have the dirty laundry to air did you your dirty laundry that i put up for the whole city to see your husband thinking you were

Speaker 1 banging me on the trunk of a god damn it i hate it he does he does that annoying thing where he's like how would you like it if you were deposed and she's like well i mean that's not nice oh it's water under the bridge i think we're done here she's like no you can't just do that

Speaker 1 so he really talked it up

Speaker 1 well uh she's like the lulu you know you are Dolulu. the It's fine, whatever.
So now we move on to Madison's relationship, wasn't the only one under a microscope.

Speaker 1 Even the eternal bachelor, Sheppy, founding himself waiting in unfamiliar waters with a new love interest, the former Miss Bahamas, 21, who had a look on her face like she smelled the fart for 365 days straight.

Speaker 1 Wow, what a slow car crash we all witnessed.

Speaker 1 But I have a feeling Sienna would rather date a car crash than chef okay let's take a look

Speaker 1 so wow what are you doing right now you must be so busy um I'm uh washing a surface

Speaker 1 wow so you know you must not have much free time because you can't come see me I'm sorry I can't hear you I think our our connection isn't working anyway

Speaker 1 hey I'm in the Bahamas you want to watch me take off my clothes and put on other clothes Um no, I'm gonna go downstairs. I don't think I'm no, but they're all really good looking.

Speaker 1 I'm wearing tidy whiteys.

Speaker 1 Come back.

Speaker 1 I'm not here. This is just a you're looking at a poster.
I've been working on my dad, baud, to prove that I can come to compl what do you call it when people agree to be with each other? Come in!

Speaker 1 I can commit!

Speaker 1 Um I'm not familiar. I don't know who you are.
Bye. My name's not Sienna.
My name is Joanne Fabricks. And

Speaker 1 I think you're talking to the wrong person. I'm a total stranger.
No need to follow me around anymore. I'm coming to the age where even making a simple sentence is like a fucking game show.

Speaker 1 I mean, my God. What do you call it? What do you call it? It's a thing.
We're two people. They say they'll be together.
They'll stick together.

Speaker 1 They'll commit. Thank you, yes.

Speaker 1 All right, I just want to say, before we get into your relationship, Jet, I just want to say you really have done a full 180 from BravoCon.

Speaker 1 You've gone from getting wasted in Las Vegas to wasted in the Bahamas so congratulations absolutely amazing you got so wasted you got kicked out of BravoCon and this year you only got kicked out of a casino at the Bahamas and slept on a bench

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 yeah well you know I'm a I'm a good little boy and I don't find getting drunk funny anymore. I find it horrifying when the night gets out of control.

Speaker 1 So now when I go on a bender, I cry afterwards instead of laughing.

Speaker 1 But I still go on the bender because you know I can't help myself and Austin's like yeah, let's go ahead like Shep's been more fun lately than he's been so long

Speaker 1 He's been drunk the whole time Austin. We know that Austin's only cares if you're drunk and doing cook within the whole fucking time and he's got it.
He's like leave Shep alone.

Speaker 1 I've already lost Craig

Speaker 1 Shep is way better than he was. My concern is that the risk of ending up where you don't want to be is still present.

Speaker 1 And I think if you were to stop working on yourself now, then you would end up back to where you were. I'm like, he is where he was.

Speaker 1 He has not changed. Every man on this show is like, look how much I've changed.
None of you have changed. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Craig's handing out sobriety chips.

Speaker 1 You never got sober, sir. We have not seen one day of it.
What are you acting like you just went a year?

Speaker 1 I can't. Oh, wait, no, stop that.
I'm trying to do things that I love. And whether that's maintaining friendships or travel or never having a job for the rest of my life,

Speaker 1 I just want to do things that bring me joy.

Speaker 1 Masturbating to random girls on Ryan brings me joy. What do you want from me? All right, well, one of the biggest changes had to do with Sienna.

Speaker 1 You know, people were surprised that you fell hard for her. They said, what would be attractive about a man who can't commit?

Speaker 1 About finding a beautiful beauty queen who's untouchable and very far away and will never be able to know what he's doing in his hometown. Crazy.
Crazy

Speaker 1 fell in love with.

Speaker 1 You know, Andy is so shady.

Speaker 1 I love when Andy slides in a shady thing because he's like, well, I think a lot of viewers were surprised that you fell so hard because you've always been a playboy even when you're in a relationship with Taylor.

Speaker 1 Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Speaker 1 Taylor's like, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Taylor's best move this whole reunion is just her like be Arthur and the Golden Girls look look when someone says something offensive. She's just like.

Speaker 1 Get this one. Get her a job at the DMV because she is ready.
She's no, not this DMV.

Speaker 1 Because the way she just looks at you, she's just like, next.

Speaker 1 Wow, Sienna was, for lack of a better word, intoxicating.

Speaker 1 So that's why he liked her. She was intoxicating.

Speaker 1 I'm a changed man.

Speaker 1 So Austin's like, he just missed Taylor. That was the whole thing with Sienna.
I mean, look at Taylor. She's exactly like Sienna.
A beautiful black beauty queen from the Bahamas with

Speaker 1 jobs and multiple offers.

Speaker 1 Hey, is this uncomfortable for you to be hearing, Taylor? And she's like, no, I don't care about that girl or that relationship because I don't have emotions anymore.

Speaker 1 I've been ground to a pulp by the show and now I am just an AI simulation of skin and mascara.

Speaker 1 So Andy wants Chef to apologize because on the show he said, you know, Sienna's different than Taylor. She's smart, she's driven,

Speaker 1 she's independent, you know, a lot of things Taylor wasn't.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, Taylor is very driven. She was handing out freebies at Republic to promote a drink.

Speaker 1 So, and well, I mean, look at what Shep's doing, you know. I went to the Canubas and Panumas.
It was amazing. So, Andy's like, well, Shep, you said this in season two.

Speaker 1 And we see the clip of Shep when Thomas Ravenau is dating Catherine. He's like, wow.

Speaker 1 If I'm ever the guy who's like 46 in some bar, hitting on some girl half his age, just show me the fucking face. I'm all right, Guard.

Speaker 1 What a loser!

Speaker 1 Out of nowhere, Cameron comes out with the gun. She's like, all right, Shepard, you asked for it.
I'm putting you down.

Speaker 1 I'm here to hold you accountable, Shepard.

Speaker 1 Levin goes, that didn't age well, which is funny. It works on multiple levels.
No, no, no, no, no, did anyone here. Neither did any of the guys here.

Speaker 1 So Shep's like, yeah, well, you know, I probably said a lot of things I would take back, you know. But hey, there's a whole movement of young women who are into older guys.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy to hear that this is finally a thing. I was...
It's crazy. I was like, God, I just wish Erica Girardi would experience what an older man is like.

Speaker 1 Ashley Darby, you know, like, if she understood the pleasures of the wrinkled flesh,

Speaker 1 Shep can show the way. The only guys it's not happening to us, poor guys.
It's so weird.

Speaker 1 And Molly chimes in. she's like oh yeah that's a thing

Speaker 1 so Sally loves an older man

Speaker 1 and everyone's like okay

Speaker 1 so like how old will you go and Craig's like 80 and they start laughing and she's like oh fuck y'all what's his name

Speaker 1 Facebook rent Facebook right Facebook

Speaker 1 Molly goes I mean

Speaker 1 I would do 50s I mean, I already fucked Whitney.

Speaker 1 I know we don't like to be reminded of things, but you guys live in a historical town. Every time you pass a statue, you have to be reminded of shit.
It's like watching Southern Charm.

Speaker 1 All the statues that need to be torn down. All right, it's nice that we let the ensemble members talk, but now let's get back to Shep.
All right, Shep, we gotta talk about the text.

Speaker 1 All right, we gotta talk about it. And of course, we get the flashback of, Kersh, Kersh,

Speaker 1 one cannot hold back a heart that beats so readily in the still of night. And if I know one thing, your pretty little freckled lips will say nothing but kisses and love going forth.

Speaker 1 And so concludes my chat talk.

Speaker 1 You're like a beautiful clear bottle that needs to be recycled. So I put it in a bin and wait for it to come out even clearer the next time and still full of water, you dewy fucking beautiful.

Speaker 1 Andy's like, wow, that was swingers level bad. And then they cut to all the younger women on this cast who are like, what?

Speaker 1 They're like, Shep is a swinger?

Speaker 1 What the fuck is that? So

Speaker 1 Shep, Andy's like, well,

Speaker 1 what were you thinking when you sent that? And actually, I have to move my chair to do the full.

Speaker 1 Well, I was.

Speaker 1 I was up until 6 a.m.

Speaker 1 and I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was a lot, but it's totally cool.
I was totally sure about it. And it was a lot.
It was a lot. But you know what?

Speaker 1 Everything's fine. I was like, I have to do the subjects.
But everything is totally fine.

Speaker 1 It's a plotline on all these shows that someone wants to do like foot porn, you know, like on Vanderpromp rules when the girls are like, let's raise money by doing foot porn. Shep could do it.

Speaker 1 Shep could provide energy for so many homes with the wind power he generates from his foot.

Speaker 1 I know there's a crackdown on the EPA, but like you can't spell EPA without spelling Shepard.

Speaker 1 Or I guess the other way around.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 yeah, well, you know, Shep knew prior to going that he was probably going to get dumped, you know, and he said, I'm going to look like the biggest fool. America's going to love me.

Speaker 1 And I was like, good luck, bro. Good luck.

Speaker 1 And Rodrigo goes yeah it was a weird day for freckled lips

Speaker 1 see you next season andy

Speaker 1 ryan's ryan's backstage like i would have been a funnier gay

Speaker 1 so molly's like you know that's like really powerful to be vulnerable and it's like when i went to that gelato shop and I got a latte and a gelato. Yeah, that was a vulnerable moment for me.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you've done a lot in the past, and I just don't want you to lose that vulnerability, Shep, because she hurt you. Because your vulnerability is an amazing thing.

Speaker 1 Hey, do you want to hear a song I wrote about vulnerability? It goes like this.

Speaker 1 Wow!

Speaker 1 Wow!

Speaker 1 There's part of me that's like, wow, Shep's getting a taste of his own medicine. So

Speaker 1 what does

Speaker 1 penicillin taste like, Chef?

Speaker 1 Vulnerability is a big point of mine these days. Getting your heart broken, you can turn that into something useful, like, I don't know, a wonderful bender that lasts four days.

Speaker 1 You know, being vulnerable and going through so much trauma, it ended up getting my dad so many American airlines miles. I went to Cuba.

Speaker 1 So he's like, yeah, you know, I was in the Bahamas on a boat with her family and friends. Well, that doesn't sound like she has any money at all, which makes this interesting.

Speaker 1 And she said, I want you to buy me that house. And I was like, honey, I can't afford that house.
But then she went to a Forbes conference and she had a business idea.

Speaker 1 And she met a guy, and he's a Denver Bronco. So he said he would fund her business.
And boom, she wanted to marry him. I was like, you are such a fucking asshole, sir.
That is so low.

Speaker 1 And he's been doing it for weeks, but now he came with like a longer story of like, she doesn't like me because she's just a gold-digging whore.

Speaker 1 And you know what gold-digging whores want to do with the money they get? They want to open women's health consulting online businesses for

Speaker 1 it's like you should have left that part out, Chef.

Speaker 1 She just wants to help poor people get health insurance. What a bitch!

Speaker 1 I mean, what kind of miserable person dumps a guy with the body of a salmon for

Speaker 1 a successful rich man with a body like stone? I mean, it just doesn't make sense. I don't understand what her motivations were.

Speaker 1 So she's like, he's like, yeah, it turned out this guy was a Denver Bronco, and, you know, he showed up at this conference with a big, long,

Speaker 1 hard, ziny, pulsating... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are we camping? You're giving me a tent here. All right, could you just get to the point? Credit cord! Credit cord!

Speaker 1 Oh, damn. You had a black Amex? He's like, yeah, and I only have a platinum Amex.

Speaker 1 So Shep is like, by the way, I have a friend whose husband is a Denver Bronco, or maybe has a Ford Bronco, whatever.

Speaker 1 They say that he's on the starting bench now. So, oh, well, look at her, bitch of the year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know a coach, so I get all the skinny. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Speaker 1 If she wound up with a Denver Bronco, you know what, I am, I've never been more proud of her. Because she deserves that.

Speaker 1 She should not be wasting her pretty on Shep.

Speaker 1 Because she has a lot of pretty, a lot of pretty. And Shep has a lot of

Speaker 1 earwax.

Speaker 1 So Molly's like, yeah, you see. So like, that was her deal, you know? It's not your deal.
So like, your deal is your deal, and her deal is her deal.

Speaker 1 Molly, girl, I like you, but I just want to fast forward two seasons when you're on the other side of the couch, crying, sobbing, probably holding a baby at this point, wondering why this man cheated on you 20 times with 20-year-olds.

Speaker 1 Just stop.

Speaker 1 So have you spoken since the show aired with Sienna? Yeah, she texted me the other day and said, you're sharing intimate details of our details of our relationship.

Speaker 1 And I said, you're sharing intimate details of your freckles on your pretty little lips.

Speaker 1 And she said, I didn't sign up for this. And he's like, and I was like,

Speaker 1 his guilt ankle is still shaking.

Speaker 1 What? And Molly goes, yeah, girl, yes, you did. You were searching for this on Raya.
No, that girl stayed off of TV. Like, give the girl a break.
She wasn't coming here begging to be on TV.

Speaker 1 Every time he was trying trying to get her to break up with him on TV, she refused. Leave the girl alone, Molly.
They tried to make it seem like she was.

Speaker 1 They tried to make it seem like she was a stalker. And we were already, we're already like, oh, look at this one.
She just wants to be on TV. She could not have stayed farther away from those cameras.

Speaker 1 This is the person on Bravo who's wanted to be on that channel the least out of any show that we've ever seen.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, you were very open about wanting to get married and settle down in Siena.
Do you still feel like that's something you want if you met the right person? He's like, Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, what about Molly? And Molly's like, Oh my god, I just got like excited/slash anxious.

Speaker 1 Wow, Molly and Shep got a lot of audience response when it came to your friendship. Like, I love how little chemistry they have, or

Speaker 1 who is that girl with the tuba anyway? Or Shep has more chemistry with a can of tuna than Molly.

Speaker 1 Chris from Cole even said, Molly has the face of a teenager watching their parents unable to talk in a carpool line because they're stuck on a game called Wordle. Molly's just like.

Speaker 1 You know, Shep is like, well, I didn't go after Molly because I thought I was in another relationship.

Speaker 1 And Molly's like, exactly. I wasn't going to throw myself at Shep when I could throw myself to my tuba.

Speaker 1 So So he's like, so you guys made out at the finale. Did you bone?

Speaker 1 And Molly's like,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, we did. We did.

Speaker 1 It was like the greatest four minutes of my life. It was really, really good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it happened twice. Gosh.
So, Andy's like, okay. Not more than twice.
I couldn't. I was a shinuba Renuba Grenadines.

Speaker 1 All right, Madison, you've been friends with Molly for a long time. Do you think those two could be a love match? Is anyone actually interested in these questions I'm asking right now?

Speaker 1 Well, this version of Shep that's pretended to be a decent person, sure.

Speaker 1 But the old washed-up, payless leather version with wooden teeth, and the daddy's racist probably and insists on Phoenician shutters in every goddamn house and throws cans at homeless people's heads?

Speaker 1 Probably not.

Speaker 1 All right, Shep, we're gonna leave it there and take a quick break. All right, we're back.
All right,

Speaker 1 we are back with the Southern Charm Reunion as the moment everyone's been waiting for. What's been going on with JT and Vanita? The pressing question on America's mind.

Speaker 1 Vanita, you have not stopped staring at JT this entire. She's like, no, I'm not.
I can't even see him. The lights are so bright.

Speaker 1 Well, Miss Ross, ha ha, still gonna say it.

Speaker 1 So people are saying that your relationship was fake. She's like, taking fuck off.
All right, Whoa. Okay.
That was exciting. Now let me assure you,

Speaker 1 this relationship was very, very real.

Speaker 1 I mean, she's lovely in every single way. She's got a dog, a dog with sweaters, Andy.

Speaker 1 Charles. Charles.

Speaker 1 Charles. Stop bringing me up.
I'm not paid to be on this goddamn show. If you want me in another scene, you'll get me a goddamn contract.

Speaker 1 Charles, you don't know this, but Charles wears a turban and giant big-rimmed glasses off-camera.

Speaker 1 So she's a lovely, lovely girl. I cannot speak highly of Vanita.
She's one of the most highly reputable ladies that I've ever dumped and ghosted.

Speaker 1 Leva, when did you realize there was something going on between them? Well, I picked up on the chemistry on the bus to Madison's party when I was like, why is this feel gross in here all of a sudden?

Speaker 1 I like saw him sweating and I was like, why is that guy always sweating?

Speaker 1 And then I saw Vanita looking at him sweating and I was like, that's the only person who can stand to look at that fucking douchebag sweating. And I was like, oh my God, Vanita needs a storyline.

Speaker 1 So then they're asking if they made out or something like that. And JT's like, I'll let the lady speak on behalf of Val.

Speaker 1 So they're saying, did that happen? And they're basically asking him if they boned, you know. And Chef's like, damn it! Did it happen? Did you orient him? She's like,

Speaker 1 you tell him, JT. JT, why don't you tell him? He goes, no, we didn't bang it out.

Speaker 1 And so she's like, okay, classy. Well, did you at least make out?

Speaker 1 I'll let the lady speak on behalf of that. Lady, hold on, let me put my jacket over this Ottoman in case you'd like to walk over it to come to my side.
She's like, we did make out.

Speaker 1 And finally, Andy goes, all right, with all team, why weren't you guys fucking?

Speaker 1 And she's like, we weren't sure. We were just trying to take it one day at a time.
Oh, I've tried. That is bullshit.
Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Ayahuasca retreats. That's where it's at.

Speaker 1 Well, one of the biggest surprises was when you brought up your girlfriend to Vanita after she invited you over to her house for Branzino.

Speaker 1 Why keep your girlfriend secret? Was she even real in the first place? So talk about why you're keeping her a secret and JT goes, yeah, well, we are there.

Speaker 1 That was the corner of first and name and story.

Speaker 1 JT, you didn't come better prepared than this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're all confused over that. I mean, no one more than me.
This keeps me up at night.

Speaker 1 When I saw this preview and Vanita's like, I'm getting my phone, I have receipts. I was like, do you? Because what the fuck is going on? What Marvel universe is this? Okay, here's their timeline.

Speaker 1 Let's just simplify it.

Speaker 1 Supposedly, they went to dinner with his girlfriend and bunny, the mom, which I still can't get over.

Speaker 1 And just, come here, bunny, money, money, money. So they went to dinner with them, and she met the girlfriend, right?

Speaker 1 So then they started filming the show, and they were pretending to flirt while she supposedly knew he had a girlfriend. But then they went to the Bahamas, and then she tried to bang him.

Speaker 1 And he's like, But wait, I have a girlfriend. And then she was like, But I don't care.
That girl's getting crumbs or whatever. And then he keeps flirting with her, by the way.
I need to add in there.

Speaker 1 He keeps looking into her eyes and going, Well, we just got such chemistry. So then she makes him a Branzino, and he's like,

Speaker 1 By the way, I have a girlfriend. She's like, What?

Speaker 1 So then, after the season finishes, then she started dating him again. He broke up with that girlfriend.
And then she says he ghosted him, but he says she ghosted. Wait, he says she ghosted her.

Speaker 1 What am I saying? They're saying they ghosted each other. And then he went Instagram famous with his girlfriend, right?

Speaker 1 She said that they were dating.

Speaker 1 She went out of town. She came back.
They started dating. And they had a few weeks where they were dating and talking every night.
And then the super teaser for the show dropped.

Speaker 1 And everyone everyone was like oh my god Vanita is has a storyline and then that's when the girlfriend was like now wait a second and she called up and was like like you better you better stop dating Jarrett and

Speaker 1 oh yeah she wrote her the nasty message and the thing I know and now Vanita's mad yeah that's a lot of shit I don't understand okay here's what I can understand

Speaker 1 He's leading her on even though he's dating this other girl and then he starts kind of having it both ways where he gets a good storyline with the cute girl, and then still banging this girl on the side, but then breaks.

Speaker 1 This girl probably breaks up with him when she starts seeing footage.

Speaker 1 And then, so he's like, Well, fuck it, I'm broken up with, I'll start dating Vanita. But then she sees a super teaser and she's like, Oh, hell no, I'm not losing this one.

Speaker 1 Get your ass back over here and put it on Instagram. He's like, Okay,

Speaker 1 and Vanita's like, Well, mother, I used all my fish.

Speaker 1 Either way,

Speaker 1 sure, Vanita, get more self-respect. And JT, stop leading people on.
You're so fucking lucky you can even get a half of a person to lead on to.

Speaker 1 Get the fuck out of here, JT.

Speaker 1 Well, I liked Andy, who was like, well, JT, last year in the group, you performed a fuckboy exorcism.

Speaker 1 But it seems like the fuckboy went to you.

Speaker 1 He's like, one and fucker, so I guess it doesn't go to me. I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 And then also goes,

Speaker 1 how the tables have turned. I'm like, yes, but they still have a lot.
Those tables have a lot of saliva on them now.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 So then they start arguing over these DMs that the girlfriend sent him. And Vanita's like, I told you to do something about it.
And you said, I can't do anything about it.

Speaker 1 And then I said, shit, I got to pump the brakes. And I was like, girl, you would have been in a wreck so long ago if you were driving.
Your instincts are late, but at least they're there.

Speaker 1 So she says, remember when I texted you, I was like, I need a second. And then you ghosted me for a week, he says, you ghosted me, and it hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 But then in all the interviews, she's saying that he ghosted her. This whole thing is too confusing and it's too non-interesting to be this confusing.
And you can see

Speaker 1 when she's like, I'm going to go get my phone. You can see Andy's face like, is this really going to be our cliffhanger for the week? Yes.

Speaker 1 So the best part is she goes, oh yeah, you want to see receipts? He goes, I do. And she's like, fine, I'm going to get my phone.
He goes, you go get it then. And she's like,

Speaker 1 and then

Speaker 1 she can't get out the door.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Andy tells her, What are you doing? You're going out a set door. This door doesn't open.
She's like, I'm going out looking cute.

Speaker 1 And then, of course, to cap it off,

Speaker 1 Molly literally goes, receipts, proof, timeline, everything.

Speaker 1 Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Washington, D.C., for a great night.
Thank you, Sony. We love you guys.
Oh, my God. There's so many of you.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

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Speaker 2 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 2 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 2 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 2 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 2 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 2 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.