#2781 Summer House S907 Live in Philly: Toe To Toe

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Speaker 1 That's one of my favorite things when you get brand new socks and you put them on and you're just like walking on clouds. I love it.
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Speaker 1 Ronnie, the holidays are around the corner and you got that nice house of yours that you've been decorating. I think it's time that you add some holiday cheer to it with Wayfair.

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Speaker 1 All the stuff in my office, I've got stuff on my patio, I've got stuff all over the place, and you know, holiday stuff is going to be coming up next.

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Speaker 1 Hello, you gorgeous people.

Speaker 1 Hello, Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for being here. It's so good to see all of you in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 Cherry blossom season. What a gorgeous fucking time in this city.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, you guys, I mean, first of all, we always have the best time when we come here to Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 And you guys are always having the best time, especially now that you guys are Super Bowl champions.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Ronnie,

Speaker 1 that's a football team, Ronnie.

Speaker 1 I feel like you're all about to kill me.

Speaker 1 He's like, why are they doing a chant for Olivia Aiden? I'm an eagle. I'm an eagle.

Speaker 1 So last night we were in D.C. and you guys, check in on your friends in D.C.
They're kind of going through it right now.

Speaker 1 Poor things. Poor things.

Speaker 1 They're all like, oh.

Speaker 1 Have you been reading the news?

Speaker 1 Me neither.

Speaker 1 What a way to live. Actually, we were back there and I said, actually, I should read the news and see if there.
It was horrifying, okay? Horrifying. You know how much eggs are?

Speaker 1 So I opened the news and the first thing was a gigantic picture of Putin. Like,

Speaker 1 that guy is so fucking happy. I'll say whatever's going on over there, I don't read much.
Potatoes make you happy. It's fruit.
That man is happy.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the fuck he's doing, but he's smiling like a loon. And his skin looks so good.

Speaker 1 I didn't know they had like good Botox or whatever in Russia, but yeah, no, it's actually not Botox, it's just the blood of dissenters that they just kill. And just

Speaker 1 TLC people, why am I not

Speaker 1 gorgeous?

Speaker 1 You know what is hilarious about this? So backstage, we're sitting there. We're like, well, what should we talk about at the top of the show? We're like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Did anything happen this weekend? I don't know. I don't know what we're going to talk about.
Now we're up here in Ronnie. He's like, Putin.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. His skin looks really good.
That's all I had to say. That's my news update for you.
Well, we traveled today, so we came in on the train, which is so nice.

Speaker 1 Let me say every town from there to here. What did you say?

Speaker 1 What was that show with that girl from the Titanic?

Speaker 1 It was that murder show? Was it?

Speaker 1 Mayor of East Town. Yeah, Mayor of East Town.

Speaker 1 There were so many towns that looked like Mayor of East Town. Ben was like, hot, this looks like an H, because I was like, aren't these towns cute?

Speaker 1 Because we passed like these little houses and then this little church. And right when I said that, he turned around and it was like a burnt-down building.
It was like

Speaker 1 crumbling warehouses and broken glass. And I was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, murder-durder. But

Speaker 1 yeah, why is it that when you said, what was that HBO show with the with the girl from Titanic? Why was that my first instinct was I think of the old lady who throws the jewel off edge. I was like,

Speaker 1 What show was she in?

Speaker 1 Speaking of HBO, we have to say this is a Sunday night, and we want to thank you for coming here because we know the white lotus is on tonight.

Speaker 1 Are you going to be home watching white people

Speaker 1 that you're here instead? So, thank you. Are you guys watching the white lotus?

Speaker 1 So, I know

Speaker 1 it's great. And Popper, no.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about it because because tonight we're up. Mommy, Popper,

Speaker 1 Mayor of East Town.

Speaker 1 There has been a murder.

Speaker 1 I'm going to find out who did it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get a sandwich at Wawa.

Speaker 1 That's right. I pandered to white Lotus fans and Philadelphians.

Speaker 1 Parker Posey and Mayor of East Town. So I was thinking about it before.
I was like, you know, because we're talking about Summerhouse tonight.

Speaker 1 Which, by the way, such a good episode. Oh, thank God.
We got a classic. We got an instant classic for here.
Toe second, the turning of a man just into shit, which we all knew was coming, you know?

Speaker 1 The turning of a man into shit.

Speaker 1 We just know it's coming on Summerhouse. We finally got it.
Yeah, we caught it right here. But I was thinking that, like, Summerhouse is really not that different from the White Lotus, right?

Speaker 1 Like, literally. It's a bunch of spoiled-ass rich people who you want to see die at some point.

Speaker 1 Right? When is Paige going to kill Craig?

Speaker 1 That's all we want to know. You know, how does it happen? When does it happen? You know, it's going to.
It's like when.

Speaker 1 Like, Walton Goggins, like, Rick and Chelsea are kind of like Kyle and Amanda.

Speaker 1 Oh, Walton Goggins.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, yeah, like sad Kyle, I guess.
Kyle, when he's like, but I care about self-erg.

Speaker 1 I want to kill the man who stole my spritzer.

Speaker 1 We were on the train earlier thinking about how old we're getting because, well, we are. And we are walking around.
I watched that show Adolescence on Netflix. Did you watch that?

Speaker 1 Everybody's like, oh, my God, adolescence, the best thing in the world. It's just little kid killer.

Speaker 1 Oh. Every kid I saw today, I was like, get away from me, you little fucker.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 I don't trust any of them now. Last week, I loved him.
I saw a baby today in a stroller. I was like, listen to me, you little fucker.
Look the other way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm still bigger than you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, if you just never trusted children in the first place, you're sad.

Speaker 1 But just watch Adolescence. It was like, told ya.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was like, I don't need to watch a four-part show to know what I already know. They're all killers and demons, okay?

Speaker 1 But we were kind of stumbling onto the train thinking like, oh, we're not young anymore. You know, we got to sleep till 10, and we're still, like, literally, the train's not even moving.

Speaker 1 And we're like, oh, God, you know.

Speaker 1 But we kind of came to a cross because I was like, let's start at the end of the train. That way we don't have to wait in this line for all these people.

Speaker 1 But of course, the seats were numbered backwards because that's how you do it on the East Coast to trick all the southerners.

Speaker 1 So we went the other way, but then we went to a head-to-head with this old couple. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 They were

Speaker 1 in the wrong car or something. So it was, I'm sure you guys all have been there.
When the piece of paper comes out, It's like,

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure it was C12C. Are you C12C? It is C12.
I have it right here. Look, it's the paper that says C12.
And he showed me: he's like, Does this say C12? I said, It says C12.

Speaker 1 Why is that lady sitting in C12?

Speaker 1 Why? And then the wife's like, I'm in C12, sir. That is it.
I already have my ticket. He's like, Well, I have a ticket too.
He has a ticket. Have you seen his ticket? And then the wife goes,

Speaker 1 They double-booked us.

Speaker 1 Popper. No!

Speaker 1 And then I fell in love.

Speaker 1 I think it might be time for me to get a boyfriend because we were getting something from the blue bottle at the train station, which, by the way, I mean, the coffee's fine, but everything's in paper and they still have paper straws.

Speaker 1 I'm going back to Starbucks. There, I said it.
But we got coffee there, and there was a guy there who was so cute. He was just like so little and pale and hairless.
He looked so weak.

Speaker 1 It was Wallace Sean. He looked so weak.
I was like, I can put it. Who was it?

Speaker 1 I said it was Wallace Sean.

Speaker 1 That's a sports thing, huh?

Speaker 1 Who's that? Who's Wallace Sean?

Speaker 1 He's one of the Lost Kelsey brothers.

Speaker 1 That's a sports thing. Walla Sean.
Walla Sean, you know, like,

Speaker 1 what did you say from Princess Bride?

Speaker 1 Inconceivable.

Speaker 1 Oh. All right, anyway, go on.

Speaker 1 So I fell in love with this little weak person, person, you know? And then I always think everything's going to be like a romance movie. So we got on the train and he was right in front of us.

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, on the other side, so I could like look at him the whole time. I was like, oh, my God, score.
I have someone to stock.

Speaker 1 So I'm looking at this guy and I'm like, it was like a fate, right? I saw him at the blue bottle. I saw him now.
We saw that little adolescent thing together and both looked at it like, fuck no.

Speaker 1 You know, I was like, I'm marrying this weak person.

Speaker 1 So then halfway through the train, this lady comes over and she's like, honey, there's room where I'm sitting now. And I was like, that bitch.

Speaker 1 And then for the rest of the time, I even walked to the bathroom just so I could see them sitting happily. And then the train was wobbling and I kind of fell on him.
And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 And then I just don't like this to the girl. I was like,

Speaker 1 bitch. Might be time to get married, you guys.
It's getting sad out there.

Speaker 1 It's fun times on the old Acella train, people.

Speaker 1 Now I know what it's like to be Danielle on Summerhouse.

Speaker 1 Guys, I made it. I'm here from the train.

Speaker 1 Do you have too much fun without me? Don't start club sending me.

Speaker 1 As I walked all the way to the bathroom, I thought, God, if only I had skin like Putin's, I would have totally won that one.

Speaker 1 All right, welcome to an evening of summer housing.

Speaker 1 Hey, and can we give a shout out to some of our Patreon premium sponsors that are in the audience?

Speaker 1 We got Havana Gila Webster. Weber.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 But anyone else here? Any other premium sponsors?

Speaker 1 Oh my God, Hallison King.

Speaker 1 And that's it. We killed the rest.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to drop a scroll.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Previously on Summerhouse,

Speaker 1 Sierra got mad. Oh, sorry.
Go ahead. Go ahead, Paige.
Thanks. Thanks, OtherMe.

Speaker 1 Sierra was mad after Wes ghosted her and then did a New York Times article saying he wasn't into her.

Speaker 1 You're an idiot, your hair is stupid, and I hope you die in a fire.

Speaker 1 Don't bully me. I'm just a boy.

Speaker 1 Also, there's a new really skeevy guy in the house named Emeril.

Speaker 1 I haven't used so much hand sanitizer since the pandemic.

Speaker 1 Orgies, am I right?

Speaker 1 Gross.

Speaker 1 Carl's still sober and planning to open a soda machine.

Speaker 1 Aww.

Speaker 1 It's called softbar.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He's going to open a coffee shop with a soda machine.

Speaker 1 It's called softball.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He's going to rent a van to serve soda out of from a soda machine for men with erectile dysfunction.

Speaker 1 Thanks. I'm Carl 9.0.
I'm soft. I believe in tenderness, hugs, and brick and mortar.

Speaker 1 Also, I found a new love interest, and her name is Lil.

Speaker 1 You give huge lemur energy.

Speaker 1 Haw. Is that good? Are lemurs soft? Haw.

Speaker 1 I hope not, because I want to fuck a lemur. Aw, softly, Softly, haw, please.

Speaker 1 There's also a new girl named Lexi. She's really into lip liner and guys with huge mouths.

Speaker 1 I love your juicy booty.

Speaker 1 I'm like so insecure about it.

Speaker 1 It's so hard being a model.

Speaker 1 Give me your booty.

Speaker 1 Not until you're committed to me, my mom, and my crazy-faced sister.

Speaker 1 I haven't had sex with a stranger in more than a week, so we're basically married.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, and there's been a miracle in the summer house. Jessica Tandy is pregnant.

Speaker 1 And that by her ex-fiancé, Soft Carl.

Speaker 1 Guys, I have an announcement to me. I'm having a meeting, and I'm putting a big poster of the sonogram in Carl's room.

Speaker 1 I'm going to stand on the kitchen and try not to feel things. I'm soft.
I'm soft. Oh.

Speaker 1 And me, I'm trying to find a way to subtly break up with my boyfriend so the internet doesn't tear me limb from limb when it's announced.

Speaker 1 Chicken,

Speaker 1 I can't wait till we're married and you can stop this career nonsense

Speaker 1 and make tiny versions of me to inherit my pillow empire.

Speaker 1 Craig, last night I had a dream that I murdered you in your sleep.

Speaker 1 And then I showed up to our wedding alone and I partied with everybody to celebrate your death.

Speaker 1 You dreamt that we had a wedding.

Speaker 1 When's it gonna be?

Speaker 1 He's not getting the hint.

Speaker 1 And see.

Speaker 1 So we open where we left off last time.

Speaker 1 In honor of Carl, I will have a

Speaker 1 soft drink.

Speaker 1 TM. TM.
Paul. Is that Diet Coke? Soft haul.

Speaker 1 So we started, we left last week with a pirate party that Carl's going

Speaker 1 in honor of, I don't know,

Speaker 1 I don't really know. But he was wearing a lot of guideliner and Jesus sandals.

Speaker 1 We caught a close-up of his sandals today, and I was like, wow.

Speaker 1 Do pirates wear gladiator sandals?

Speaker 1 It's like, shiver me, timbers, but also, are you not entertained?

Speaker 1 So they're partying, and Amanda is trying to have fun because she's married to an alcoholic, you know, and you got to try and come along with the ride. So every once in a while, she knows.

Speaker 1 And Carl's just walking around, like, hey, boy, me.

Speaker 1 Boy!

Speaker 1 Oh, boy, Mitty.

Speaker 1 Hey, Amanda, you look hot. And she's like,

Speaker 1 she's dressed like a parrot. And he's like, hey, Amanda, I always wanted to fuck a parrot.

Speaker 1 Actually, technically, he said, I always wanted to date a pirate. She goes, I'm a parrot, though.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Well, then you must know where there's a pirate.

Speaker 1 Polly wants some guacamole.

Speaker 1 So then we go to Craig and Page. He's found a floaty to lay down on, of course.
She's like, it's like a bed.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're in a raft in Carl's fake pirate pool because he put down a tarp to represent the ocean, but it's nothing like the ocean. So just sitting on inflatables on a tarp.

Speaker 1 Carl will still find a way to drown in that.

Speaker 1 That man is weak.

Speaker 1 He still is underperforming even with his tarp work.

Speaker 1 So Kyle's like,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 that's just incidental. That has nothing to do with what's going on.

Speaker 1 So Paige is, Paige and Craig have just had a conversation where Craig is like, Craig is like, do you love me? And she's like,

Speaker 1 well, I'm going to give you an annual review and then we'll see if you're fired or not. And he's like, he's like, ha ha,

Speaker 1 ha,

Speaker 1 ha.

Speaker 1 So, and she's like, it wasn't a joke.

Speaker 1 Craig is wearing his pirate hat and his guideliner and his shirt's open. Did you notice that he has a big tattoo here of Paige? Except it's like a satanic pirate page.

Speaker 1 She likes murder in her eyes, like blood dripping down her face. I was like, wow, how did you get your future on your chest? Because this is going to actually happen in six weeks.

Speaker 1 This is the version you're about to get. So Krau comes over because he wants to talk about the squirt companies with Carl.
The Spritz, sorry, the Spritz company.

Speaker 1 Sorry, that's Emeralds Company. The Squirt.

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, you want to talk about Spritzers?

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, I don't know if I'm ready right now. He's like, this looks romantic.
You know, can I change spots with you, Craig? And she's like, oh my God, please, please change spots with me.

Speaker 1 All right. I'm getting seasick.

Speaker 1 The letter C.

Speaker 1 I'm Craig sick. Please just sit right here.
Sit right here. You know, Craig is saying that he doesn't feel valued and he's like worried about how the tour is going to affect our relationship.

Speaker 1 I'm not going away to war.

Speaker 1 It's three months and I'm going to be just traveling a lot. And I've also said he could come to any stop he wants to.

Speaker 1 And are you going to, you're just going to stress me out because you don't feel checked in on enough? This was the stupidest decision to ever date this man I ever had in my life.

Speaker 1 Who gets jealous of tour? It's three months of smelling Hannah's farts on a bus.

Speaker 1 Craig's like, uh, um, I want to talk to you, but I'm not going to get a drink, okay? I'm not leaving. Just wait here right on this raft, Kyle.
Kyle's like, all right, bro. All right.

Speaker 1 And Craig just never comes back.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 It was sort of like an obnoxious power move, but I was actually thankful for it because just watching Kyle sitting in that dinghy, he looked like, did he know that he could get out of the dinghy?

Speaker 1 He was like, I got to wait for mom to come back before she unlocks the door so I can get out of the dinghy. He's just sitting there just sad and alone, wanting to DJ something.

Speaker 1 So this is West and Jesse's second season on the show, and they're in that, they're still in that state of like like amazement that they're like kind of like mediocre guys that are now getting all the boobies that they want to because they're on TV.

Speaker 1 So they don't know, they're, it's like they're being, it's like me standing in the middle of like 10 waiters holding hors d'oeuvres. So I'm just like,

Speaker 1 they're falling down. I don't even care.
I was just picking up off the ground.

Speaker 1 That's how they are. They're both doing this.
And so Jesse's like, hey, hey, hey, you guys married? You guys?

Speaker 1 You married, huh?

Speaker 1 And she's like, yeah, I have a husband. He goes, oh, yeah, yeah, congrats, congrats, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm actually seeing someone or just asking for you guys, right? She's not here this weekend, though. And she goes, yeah, but don't doesn't all this partying get old? And he's like,

Speaker 1 huh? What do you mean? It's like, yeah, you know, like, don't you ever just want to go hang out with your girlfriend? He's like.

Speaker 1 This summer, I thought I'd be like dating girls and having fun, but I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with Lexi unless it involves that, you know, me having sex with someone else.

Speaker 1 I could do that.

Speaker 1 So I'm just like trying not to, I'm, you know, I'll flirt with him, and that's really it again, except for sex.

Speaker 1 And, you know, just gonna make conversation and sex and you know, just gonna talk to people.

Speaker 1 You know, if those people happen to have a vagina and I have sex with them, you know, that's just what happens.

Speaker 1 Hey!

Speaker 1 How come this dinghy doesn't have a cup holder?

Speaker 1 Seems like kind of a missed opportunity.

Speaker 1 Hey, dinghy, you don't support Loverboy. I deserve an apology.

Speaker 1 Kyle's trying to connect his Bluetooth to the dinghy. How's this thing on Apple play?

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Speaker 1 So then we cut to Carl and Lil,

Speaker 1 and Lil is like, oh my God, I'm like a mermaid. Like, Carl, you could have hired me to be a mermaid and you're not watertarp.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Anyway, magicians are dope. I was like, what transition?

Speaker 1 She's like, yeah, first of all, magicians are dope.

Speaker 1 What transition was that? What was that?

Speaker 1 Like, oh, my God, I'm like a mermaid. Anyway, magicians, the best.
Am I right? And when I have free time, I would love to A, go to magic school

Speaker 1 or B, learn magic. I think A and B are the same thing.
I hate to break it to you. I want to either go to school or I want to learn something out of school.

Speaker 1 You know what I have in my purse at all times?

Speaker 1 Cards.

Speaker 1 But I don't know any tricks.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 you're ready for some magic.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is wrong with this girl? She's...

Speaker 1 Between like magicking and mermaiding, and I'm just carrying cards just in case.

Speaker 1 She just has magic cards on spec.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I'm pretty sure I'll learn magic someday. So

Speaker 1 let's just get these in here because when the time comes, I'll be ready.

Speaker 1 In case I run into a sorcerer in the Hamptons.

Speaker 1 So Gabby's watching this and she's like, oh my God, that girl has cards.

Speaker 1 Do you know that carl met her parents at a soccer game that's how that's how they know each other and emerald's like oh yeah i fucked her parents

Speaker 1 fucked them both

Speaker 1 i'm a i'm into like polyparentism you know it's hot it's really fucking hot hey uh little

Speaker 1 I don't know if I told you this because I feel like there's one person at this party I may not have told us yet, but I'm launching a new business. Are you thinking of a jack?

Speaker 1 I haven't jacked since last summer. Fair.

Speaker 1 It's called soft bar, which informs the whole jack thing. And it's a bar and a cafe.
And get this.

Speaker 1 It doesn't serve alcohol.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I don't know.
Like the way you're boldly making an effort not to earn profit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I was hoping... I feel like an actual magician.

Speaker 1 Can you have have like open mic night? As if this concept couldn't get any worse is Lil on the mic hosting amateur hour like it's showtime at the Apollo.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, guess what? I go hard for a soft bar.

Speaker 1 You can use that. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that was really good. I actually am a little shocked.
I didn't think of that myself.

Speaker 1 So I'm doing a friends and family event. It's basically just me my mom and my stepdad hanging out, drinking Dire Coke.
You want to come by? You can invite your parents.

Speaker 1 This is like, after my last relationship, the most important thing to me is to have someone that believes in me.

Speaker 1 Cut to Lindsay being like, do I think that you're like crushing life right now, girl? No.

Speaker 1 What? And I'm also pretty disturbed by this bleach blonde hair situation you got going on the flashback.

Speaker 1 You don't think I'm crushing life?

Speaker 1 You're jobless. What are you talking about? you're jobless and you spent like a hundred grand of her money to buy podcast equipment hi this is podcast equipment okay

Speaker 1 this is it

Speaker 1 a ten dollar table from a target and two forty dollar mics from god knows where this thing has been aww

Speaker 1 I'm not jobless I have a soda in my bag I don't know how to use it But I'm hoping that someday I'll understand soft drinks and then I'll be able to use it. Kind of like magic.
magic.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you this. As a magician and a mermaid,

Speaker 1 I just want you to flourish, lemur, flourish, flourish, lemur, flourish.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's going to happen with these two, but hire that fucking crazy person. Hire her right now.

Speaker 1 This is the best casting we've ever seen. Her parents even showed up later in the episode.
They're like, hi, Annie.

Speaker 1 Did you try any magic test?

Speaker 1 If you have Lil at that soft bar, no one is going to believe that this is a place that's substance-free.

Speaker 1 People will be like, okay, where's the speakeasy?

Speaker 1 So Carl goes, so she's like, yeah, I just want to watch you fucking floor. She goes, cool, I'm going to get you an invitation.
I was like, Carl, you can't even commit to giving her an invitation.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get you on. I'm going to see if someone can get you an invitation.
I can't wait to get you an invitation to the van. I'm going to park in Williamsburg by a park.
All right.

Speaker 1 So wait for that.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, Kyle's just like, hey!

Speaker 1 Did I fuck a parrot or is that in my head?

Speaker 1 Craig has got into the house. He has peed and now he is examining every snack item available.
He's actually trying to fix that front door so he's going to be like occupied for another hour.

Speaker 1 Don't they show Craig in a bedroom just eating chips, looking in the mirror? Staring in the mirror at himself. Like,

Speaker 1 I think this will be really good for the sewing down south social

Speaker 1 i'm a leader of industry now he can wait on my time

Speaker 1 i'm not only a chip eater i'm a storyteller

Speaker 1 so um

Speaker 1 wes sees sierra so wes is with sierra and jesse and uh he's just you know binging kind of on everything and sierra's like i'm hot and he's like i'm just like so scared of sierra you know and And Jesse's like, come on, man.

Speaker 1 Give her a hug.

Speaker 1 Do it, bro. You guys can do it.
Make up.

Speaker 1 I noticed that he does that. He does this like head jerk thing

Speaker 1 to like make you agree with him. It's kind of like Bronwyn from Salt Lake City, who's always talking like this.
She's like, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 So you're a low-life piece of shit. You agree? Yes.
Mm-hmm. It's kind of like that.
He's like, bro.

Speaker 1 West is like, you know what? I get what Jesse's trying to do. And like, last summer was like fucking great because it was like a great trio.
We were like Scotty Pippin and Jordan and Rodman.

Speaker 1 No, you were like the siblings on the white lotus, okay?

Speaker 1 If you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 No, I never wanted to see any of these people fucked, that's for sure.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 By the way, he has to be careful because you're on Bravo. And when you say we're like Pippin and Jordan, that means Larsa and Marcus to us.

Speaker 1 It's a very different analogy.

Speaker 1 What an honor like.

Speaker 1 It's just like. Oh, sorry, me, Lartha.
Like, who's that, Lartha? It's an honor like to be invited to a summer house. Like, yeah, like, it's really kind of good to be here.
Like,

Speaker 1 you know what? I like to carry around cards in my purse, but I like don't even like know why. Like,

Speaker 1 Marcus would fit in well. I mean, I've seen the headlines.

Speaker 1 So West is like, I'm just so hard being so awkward around someone who's so mean to me just because I wasn't into her.

Speaker 1 He's walking around with guideliners smeared down his face.

Speaker 1 His belly hanging out. He's got like ho-ho crumbs smeared on his cheek.

Speaker 1 And he's wearing rainbow-colored parrot wings on his back, which I don't think is going to help you at a straight straight party.

Speaker 1 There are no gay people on this cast, sir. He's going off banging people on futons and coming back on camera to be like, oh, my life sucks now.

Speaker 1 So, Sierra, I don't think he's getting laid, though, because look at this part. Every time he comes back to the house, he's like, Yeah, I got some maybe on a futon, right? Maybe.

Speaker 1 But then look at this house. Everyone was like, Hi.
Oh, hi.

Speaker 1 No one's letting that inside of of them. I'm just, I'm calling it now.

Speaker 1 So Sierra and Jesse are talking.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he makes her take off her giant pelican beak.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she's like, wow, that costume. You really commit hard, huh? And she goes, you think I commit hard? Yeah, like with my boy.

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 but she's like, ha ha, Jesse Solomon, because they're kind of flirting. So then Wes meets some new girl and she's like, um, like your outfit.
And he goes, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's okay.

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 she walks away. So then Jesse's like, yeah, you're still like giving like nugget energy towards Wes.
And he's just trying to figure out what he's supposed to do.

Speaker 1 You know, he just like wants to fully move on. And she's like, well, you might suggest, I don't know, cyanide,

Speaker 1 razors,

Speaker 1 maybe putting his lips around a tailpipe and just letting me press the gas

Speaker 1 with it being in park, of course. So

Speaker 1 that would be awkward, right? He's like, the runner. It's like, shay,

Speaker 1 she's like, damn it.

Speaker 1 She like sets up a murder scheme and then drives away from it.

Speaker 1 Now that's the summer house cast in White Lotus.

Speaker 1 They just bungle every murder.

Speaker 1 so uh basically basically she's like yeah he used me for an entire summer and fuck him and i say i agree so yeah thank you

Speaker 1 so kyle's just still on that dinghy

Speaker 1 at this at this point he's found a volleyball and drawn a face on it

Speaker 1 So then Wes sees Sierra and Jess talking and he's like, oh man, a lot of conversations going on on that island.

Speaker 1 So Sierra's like, yeah, well, you know how like you when you don't like somebody, you know like how there's like when a homely person there and you don't like them, but they're like, but I like you.

Speaker 1 And you're like,

Speaker 1 no one else is here. So you give them a chance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what happened. He's like, hey, so what's the problem? Why don't you just give me a chance if it was that easy? I'm sitting here too.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, Jesse called, I mean, well, she's like, Well, why didn't you try? And he's like, Well, because my boy called Dibs.

Speaker 1 And she's, yeah, yeah, no, that's gross. So she's like, Jesse Solomon, don't let whoever stop you from finding your wife, okay? And he's like, Don't do that.

Speaker 1 You're not empowering Jesse Solomon today.

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, are you saying, Don't let Lexi stop me from having you?

Speaker 1 And he's like kissing her hand. And she's like, yeah, this is like the first time I'm hearing him say that he's interested in me.
Like, honestly, last year, it was fair game.

Speaker 1 I mean, everyone here is mediocre. I could have picked any one of them.

Speaker 1 It is so fun every season watching supermodel Sierra come onto the show and slowly lower her standards every week until by the end of the summer she's boning someone like Austin

Speaker 1 she's like

Speaker 1 It's sad. It's like

Speaker 1 southern charm over and over again. Every season, they're like, here's a new fresh crop of 25-year-olds.
Abuse them, boys.

Speaker 1 She's like, my horniness has outweighed my standards. Okay, bring them in.

Speaker 1 It's like that line in Is It Dazed and Confused? Where Matthew McConaughey is like, yeah, I just keep coming back to high school because I keep getting older, but they all stay the same age.

Speaker 1 So Carl's like, hey

Speaker 1 went down the drain and out came my trubby chubby chubby chubby chub

Speaker 1 and meanwhile craig's like hi captain of industry if you guys want here some pillow discounts if you're ever sewing down south

Speaker 1 So we finally get Craig finally gets back into the dinghy, which is such a funny thing to say. And he gets in and he just calls, oh

Speaker 1 and he's like

Speaker 1 bro

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 no bad my bad

Speaker 1 so Jesse's watching this and he's like yeah look at that over there

Speaker 1 Craig just big dicking Kyle like that's hilarious He's not going to accept an apology either. I mean, that guy really wants him to change his whole mindset.

Speaker 1 And we see a flashback of Craig shirtless talking to West and Jesse. He's like, yeah, listen, he shouldn't be like that.
I'm like a leader in my field. All right.

Speaker 1 And him acting like that, like, you know what I did? You want to make a move like that? Then I'll pull Loverboy out of every single one of my stores. And I called every single Loverboy.

Speaker 1 It was two. He has two stores.
I called two stores.

Speaker 1 That are not alcohol-serving stores.

Speaker 1 And I said, you get that shit out of my store.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow, that's going to put a huge gent in sales now that Loverboy has been removed from two pillow shops.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 We all know when you want to get drunk, where do you go? The pillow shop.

Speaker 1 Talk about soft.

Speaker 1 Haw, kind of stole my conversation.

Speaker 1 Brick and mortar.

Speaker 1 So we go to Kyle and Craig, and Kyle's like, By the way, whoa,

Speaker 1 hey,

Speaker 1 can we stop the ride from rock? Do you you feel like we're rocking? It's like a real dingy.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Greg is confused. Carl's like, I didn't take my drum.
I mean,

Speaker 1 get it.

Speaker 1 And then Carl does this weird thing where he's like, yeah, anyway, we're rocking. All right, let's talk about Lover Boy.
Welcome to the boardroom.

Speaker 1 He goes into business mode because

Speaker 1 this is what like tech bros do. They party, party, party.
Like, all right, synergy, okay, forecast.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, listen, bro, I would have loved to talk to you about it last night, but now we're going to talk about it now. Well, we'll address as pirates, but that's okay.

Speaker 1 My goal is just to put this to bed, but in a dinghy, okay?

Speaker 1 You know what? Like, I want to go back to a world where we're going on double dates and going to a world where you and I are like, you know, when we're in a dinghy, we're like having fun, bro.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you're like the only one who like made this a thing. And Craig's leaning back like he owns a fucking world.

Speaker 1 As if he didn't just get told off in that same seat by Paige DeSorbo 10 minutes ago.

Speaker 1 But he's got a pirate hat on and Paige just looking at Kaya like, eh.

Speaker 1 Sakai's like, look, I've known you for like six years, bro.

Speaker 1 And like, I know, you know, if I know my friend spent his blood, sweat, and tears building something, the last thing I'm doing is getting into bed with a direct competit,

Speaker 1 I'm drunk, competitor.

Speaker 1 But you're taking money out of people's pockets, bro.

Speaker 1 Craig, the regular Jean-Beljan of the show.

Speaker 1 2460.

Speaker 1 I stole a loaf of bread so I could feed it to my pillows.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Listen, like, no matter how I went about it, like, it isn't my deal. You know, my deal doesn't affect Loverboy, you know?

Speaker 1 Like, I just don't know how you wanted me to go about it, okay? I was approached with a deal. I told you I was approached with a deal.
I took the deal.

Speaker 1 Then you texted me and you said, please, please save my children, save my wife.

Speaker 1 I depend on you for all of my business advice. Please don't take this away.

Speaker 1 No, bro, I just, I wanted you to be on the Loverboy team, but now I'm on my own

Speaker 1 selling Spritzers without you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I said it's just just business and you said you hated when people say that because it meant they're doing something shitty. Which is a good point.
Yeah. I think that's a good point.

Speaker 1 I don't think anyone's been like, don't worry about it. It's just business when they're like actually helping you, you know?

Speaker 1 It's like, but I don't feel bad about it. Okay.
And you said I had a reputation for lying. How dare you? I had to hear about that sitting across from the queen having tea in England.

Speaker 1 Do you know how embarrassing that was?

Speaker 1 So you're just just like, not gonna apologize. Is that like that? You're just not gonna apologize for calling me a liar.
When have I ever lied? And God bless Bravo for the first time.

Speaker 1 They did not roll a 10-minute montage of Craig lying for a decade.

Speaker 1 Then, Carl's like, bro, you're sad. I don't think your level of sadness could ever appropriate the amount of silence.

Speaker 1 A little fall of rain.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 now

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 1 That's all I need

Speaker 1 that sounded like Luann doing. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Lou Mizarab.

Speaker 1 There is a castle on a cloud,

Speaker 1 master of the exile franca

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Speaker 1 So, both guys have a Spritzer business that's probably not profiting, let's be honest. Because last year, we found out Kyle wasn't making a profit.
He's like, I'm a million-something in debt, bro.

Speaker 1 How do you mean that makes me feel?

Speaker 1 And Craig, I don't even think he owns that. He's just like got paid some money to do that.

Speaker 1 So, they both look at each other and they're like, We're not going to fight forever about not profiting off of Spritzers. Okay, let's just drop it.
Yeah. So, they do.

Speaker 1 Never let a spritzer come between your friendships.

Speaker 1 So basically they're like, yeah, let's just be friends again. And they hug and they're like, all we care about is the girls.

Speaker 1 Bro, all I care about is us and the girls who we're going to be in relationships with for a very long time.

Speaker 1 I just want to go back to double dating, especially in the new year.

Speaker 1 Just you and me and you and you and Paige. Let's just do it, bro.

Speaker 1 Two couples destined to last.

Speaker 1 So then the party starts going on and raging all around us, and we get one of the ultimate Trixie Monica bangers. Yes.

Speaker 1 Please don't come and kid my vibe right now.

Speaker 1 Right now.

Speaker 1 Not up for a good time. Please get out.

Speaker 1 Spread the good vibes over here. Spread the good vibes over here.
Poke it a goddamn finger out of your asshole. We're trying to record here.

Speaker 1 That's a jam. They play that one a lot.
Have you guys noticed that song? It's like

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Hmm, it's great.

Speaker 1 So now Paige is talking to Emeril and Amanda. And Paige is like, oh, look,

Speaker 1 this is a parrot. This is my friend Polly Emerald.
Okay, be nice to her. She likes drunks and crackers.
She married one.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Emeril's like, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 I met a girl named Polly at Burning Man. It's the hardest name to have over there because if you say, hey, you're Polly, everyone's like, yeah, because everyone's Polly over here.

Speaker 1 I have sex and swings.

Speaker 1 I don't think Polly just means fucking everybody, does it? Doesn't Polly mean when you have like multiple deep relationships?

Speaker 1 Because I lived next door to a Polly girl for a long time, and I was like, please have less relationships. And

Speaker 1 it wasn't even the fucking, because that was like so.

Speaker 1 I have to say, like, it was so low volume. I could hear it because it was right next door, but it was like this.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 what do you think? They talked. They just fucking talked.
It was like one bang.

Speaker 1 How do you feel about that? Well, maybe we should invite Ethan over, and Ethan can tell us how he feels about that. I was like, oh, my God, I'll just stay a whore, you know?

Speaker 1 Maybe when he said that he was Polly, he meant douchey. That would make a lot more sense.

Speaker 1 So anyway, they're like, okay, RGBs, they're so, by the way, they're so visibly disgusted with Imroll every time. They're like, well, I guess we have to talk to him today.
So

Speaker 1 let's walk by and say one thing.

Speaker 1 This is pretty benign. How about, oh, here's my, here's a parrot, Polly Wanna Cracker? Hey, Polly, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm Polly too. I tell every girl with Burning Man.

Speaker 1 So Sierra goes up to Carl and she's like, so, Carl, who's that chick you?

Speaker 1 No, I'm gonna do anything. No one's gonna talk.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna put on an inflatable shark outfit in DJ.

Speaker 1 From like on the other side of the fence is Danielle being like, Club Sandy.

Speaker 1 You guys forgot to leave the key under the map and it's cool. It's right here.

Speaker 1 Hey, can you play that song before I have to catch the LA R?

Speaker 1 I'm Polly too.

Speaker 1 By the way, I am... I hate when Kyle gets into his inflatable costume because it's always the same thing.
He puts on the inflatable costume and then it inevitably is, Manda, I'm Zoa.

Speaker 1 Don't do it to yourself, Kyle. So Sierra goes up to Carl and she's like, so who's that girl? And he's like, oh, her name is Lil.

Speaker 1 She goes, well, she's telling people she fucks lemurs.

Speaker 1 She tried to pull a card out of my ear, but accidentally sliced me with a broken bottle. And it was weird.
And it cuts to Lil dancing. and she's like

Speaker 1 Lil's in some washing machine of her own she's the only one like

Speaker 1 Carl's like I did house girl on a date

Speaker 1 we're gonna split a sprite bottle with my parents

Speaker 1 on a Wednesday morning

Speaker 1 So Craig is now talking about West and Jesse to Amanda because you know Craig's ultimate goal here is just to gossip You know, that's all he wants to do.

Speaker 1 So he's like, wow, watching them run around is funny. They're like kids with a shiny new thing.

Speaker 1 Talking about the boys because they are still doing the hors d'oeuvre thing where they're just seeing girls like

Speaker 1 grabbing whatever they can. And Amanda's like, they forget we exist at parties sometimes.
It's almost like we married them.

Speaker 1 Craig's like, yeah, it's like fun to watch. They're like kids with like shiny objects.
Oh, I'm, you mean like you guys on Southern Farm? Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 So then Wes does the splits, you know, because Kyle Richards is not on TV at the moment. So we need...

Speaker 1 It's been two days since we've seen Kyle Richards. Unfortunately, he doesn't have enough hair to do the ponytail thing.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Jesse comes up to talk to him, and Jesse's like, hey, Craig, hey, can I ask you a question? Let me ask you. Here, bro.

Speaker 1 How do you stop? Like, how do you stop for Paige when there's like all these hot girls around? Like, how do you stop yourself? And Craig goes, you date your number one. That's how.

Speaker 1 Like, you got to date the girl that you cheat on your girlfriend with.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's so romantic.

Speaker 1 I just want to...

Speaker 1 The moment I...

Speaker 1 Boss of mistresses. That's what you do.
The final boss. The moment I knew I was in love with you was when I knew that I could someday cheat on you, but instead I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 What's the name of the bat? What's the big dinosaur in Super Mario at the end? What's his name? Bow Wow. Bowser.
Oh, Bowser, yeah. Lil Bow Wow.
Little Bow Wow.

Speaker 1 Has a great rap career.

Speaker 1 The Bowser of Mistresses.

Speaker 1 I'm the architect.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 You know what I like about Mario? He's not just a plumber, he's a storyteller.

Speaker 1 When I saw that short guy get such hot ass,

Speaker 1 I got hard.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 Amanda,

Speaker 1 I was like, do you know how, do you know how quickly I just went through a Rolodex of Super Mario characters to figure out which one was Paige?

Speaker 1 It's Paige just always running away from Mario. Like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 I've been kidnapped. Oh, no, Craig.

Speaker 1 I'm kidnapped. Oh, sorry.
I'm living with some big guy with a jack body and a castle now. Sorry, Craig.
Bye. Oh, sure.
I'll marry you. Oh, here it is.
Our lovely whoops. Here's the dinosaur thing.

Speaker 1 Captured me. Mine.

Speaker 1 does that mean that luigi is austin greg is insane right now it's a mushroom kingdom

Speaker 1 but what's shep

Speaker 1 shep is toad gosh

Speaker 1 the princess is stolen

Speaker 1 you have to save the princess and her freckled little lips

Speaker 1 Patricia's just that thing on a cloud that throws like spiky turtles in everybody because it's like, sorry,

Speaker 1 sorry.

Speaker 1 Whitney is a Cooper Trooper.

Speaker 1 Mother.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Amanda is, they're still talking to Jesse and Craig. So Amanda's like, it's hard to read him, you know, like sometimes he's like, look at all these girls.
But if Lexi was here,

Speaker 1 he'd be like a a little parrot because she's his prize. And Craig's like, let's ask him.
Jesse, come here, Jesse, Jesse. Jesse, Amanda says you're into Lexi.

Speaker 1 He's like, well, it's hard because, you know, there's Lexi and everything.

Speaker 1 I mean, one thing about Lexi is I'm never confused about where her lips are.

Speaker 1 You know, they're pretty well outlined.

Speaker 1 But there's just like so many hot chicks here, you notice it?

Speaker 1 Are you afraid to change your ways? He's like, I mean, yeah, I'll be lying if I said there was a small part of me. He's like, so you want to change your ways? I mean, because there's hot girls around.

Speaker 1 I mean, because, yeah, they're really hot. Maybe you'd want to kiss them in an alternate reality.
I mean, yeah, sure. Okay, so you want to cheat?

Speaker 1 I mean, okay, I'm going to go tell everyone you want to cheat. That's a good idea.

Speaker 1 Amanda just is like, come on, give me something. I got to go around and tell people something.

Speaker 1 She kind of does do that, but there's that moment where she's just like, are you afraid to change your ways for a woman you know it's the right woman if she makes you want to change

Speaker 1 even if you never really do cut the car

Speaker 1 i'm gonna change soon man

Speaker 1 he's at the front of the dinghy going i ain't gonna

Speaker 1 craig goes yeah you know you don't date so i love that craig's a fucking expert shut up craig who's asking craig so craig's like you don't want to date someone because they check the boxes cut to Craig literally on Southern Charm the day before or the day after this show air is going I just like paige Andy cuz she checked all the boxes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he literally said that

Speaker 1 So just is like, I mean, I had a really good conversation with Sierra

Speaker 1 and he's like, you know, when I asked her, I said like, you know, what could have happened if I just showed up on time a year ago? And she was like, well, why didn't you try?

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, my boy called Dibs, you know?

Speaker 1 And you know,

Speaker 1 Lexi was at home watching that with her lip liner like

Speaker 1 so Amanda's like, okay, but if there was a burning building, who would you save? Lexi or Sierra? It's a given that we're all going to kill Jules.

Speaker 1 So just leave her in there. It's her favorite game.
Who would you save from a burning building? And he says, he says, well, they're both small.

Speaker 1 put them both over my shoulder menage a trois right and she made us like wait so you're not gonna save me

Speaker 1 i was like yes it took five years

Speaker 1 karma so he's like i mean i'm not blind have you seen sierra i mean she's a model all right like of course i'd save her but we just have a friend vibe because she dated my friend you know we haven't discovered beyond that should we do it we should are you saying we should we totally should okay i would date sierra listen I'm a heterosexual male.

Speaker 1 I would.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, Lexi. We're not on camera still, right?

Speaker 1 We're not on camera still, right?

Speaker 1 So then he leaves, and Craig's like, Whoa, did you guys know that he likes Sierra? She's like, Well, I mean, I asked her, and she said that she's not a honey hopper. I was like, Who says that?

Speaker 1 You, she's gonna end up with West after all this

Speaker 1 homie hopper. Oh, homie hopper.
Still, I'm not a homie hopper. I just wrote it down wrong.

Speaker 1 Well, they both have reasons that are bullshit for them not being together. So let's get them together so that way everything goes wrong in their lives.

Speaker 1 Do you know how much pain would be saved if we had you guys here for every recap? I know.

Speaker 1 So then...

Speaker 1 No, you fucking idiot!

Speaker 1 So Paige is on her bed and

Speaker 1 Sierra walks in the room and Sierra goes, oh, I love how I knew exactly where you'd be. I was like, yeah, so did America.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Craig's like, it's not nothing, Amanda. This is a big deal.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 Carl's like, we promised never to come after every, after each other's brand. So, you know, we're chummy now.
Sure, craf friends.

Speaker 1 So Sierra's like, oh, I talked to Jesse.

Speaker 1 And Paige is like, oh, I saw that. That was for like a long time.
Yeah, you're really lucky because I had to hear Emerald talk about fisting someone's gardener for 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 meanwhile, we got to

Speaker 1 the Ratliff brothers peeing, and West is like on the lawn. He's like, In case anybody was wondering where they were peeing, I mean, where else would they pee? So, West is like, you know what, Emerald?

Speaker 1 Don't answer that.

Speaker 1 West is like,

Speaker 1 he's like, hey, bro, want some Hampty Wah.

Speaker 1 Hampty Wah. And he's like, my mom texted me and she was like,

Speaker 1 how do you open Hampton's water hampty wa?

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 literally, we've got our dicks out right now trying to open the hampty wah.

Speaker 1 Please just die.

Speaker 1 I want these people to choke. Every good thing has to come to an end.

Speaker 1 And such is the case for Carl and Lil's date. Well,

Speaker 1 I'm so glad you came. I was just saying, the summer is nice because I'm actually within this group of friends.
I have my own voice and my own self. And it sounds like this.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to say.

Speaker 1 So it just feels good to be like here leaning into lemur energy,

Speaker 1 learning about magic maybe someday, and knowing that like there's a girl who wants to have a soda with me. I'm just a lemur standing in front of a girl asking her to love me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because in my last relationship,

Speaker 1 that girl got pregnant with his baby in the bed I paid for in that apartment.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hopefully with her fucking cardboard cutout standing above her going, fuck yeah, you made the right choice, Lindsay.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 So this girl did Carl pay for? What bed did Carl pay for?

Speaker 1 for bed? I'd like to know.

Speaker 1 So then her parents come to pick her up. I'm like, hi, honey, we brought the mermaid tail you asked for it.
Oh, there we are. Hi, you look great, by the way.
Oh.

Speaker 1 You look great in Guy Liner. Oh, thanks so much.
You look great in Lady Eyeliner. Or did I go to just Lady Eiliner? Oh, no, this is getting scary.
Oh.

Speaker 1 He's so charming. What are you supposed to be, a pirate? And he's like, yeah, I guess I should be saying,

Speaker 1 yo-ho.

Speaker 1 All

Speaker 1 hands

Speaker 1 mind

Speaker 1 the soft

Speaker 1 soda on the boat.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 next we go to the city. I give the scattered applause.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 We go to the city, and Lindsay's in her apartment lighting sage. She's like,

Speaker 1 this is where the baby's going.

Speaker 1 This is where the futon that Carl claims that he paid for was.

Speaker 1 Ah, lemur energy. Lemur.

Speaker 1 This is lemur. Okay.
Oh, wait, this spot. Here's the sandwich that I made for that other guy, Shravi.
Okay, let's get it. Oh, wait, this spot over here.
I'm going to say joy somewhere.

Speaker 1 Here's a sandwich-making station. Ow, ow.
Oh, there's reporter Christina Gibson gonna sage her out. Okay.

Speaker 1 So she's like, um, this apartment has seen so much and I considered moving.

Speaker 1 But if you eliminate the bad energy, it's fine. I'm buying girl.

Speaker 1 So now I'm stressed free and I don't give a fuck. So then she gets on the phone with Aunt Rhonda, I have never seen Aunt Rhonda this happy.
Normally when they show Aunt Rhonda, she's like, hey, honey,

Speaker 1 why are you calling me? Why do I need to hear another 10-minute sob about a man? Not this time. She's like, Aunt Rhonda, I've got sage.
It's like, oh, my God, Lindsay.

Speaker 1 Just for you, honey. She's like, wait a second.
Are you telling me you took down your neon rat house sign? Oh, my God. I thought the day would never come.
Thank God.

Speaker 1 She's so happy. She's like, how are you girls doing?

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Are you saging your apartment? You need a fresh sage, love.
Get rid of mom. Burn it down.
Burn Carl out of that fucking place.

Speaker 1 You just hear the sound of the spirits leaving. They're like, soft.

Speaker 1 Brick and mortar.

Speaker 1 Hug me harder.

Speaker 1 I'm not running for this.

Speaker 1 So then we get, she's like, oh yeah, I got rid of the boutona. I'm rid of the dresser.

Speaker 1 I'm in a bad vibes couch.

Speaker 1 And then we see a clip of them sitting on that couch and Carl's like, oh, we're supposed to be married in two months.

Speaker 1 And I'm not ready to do that.

Speaker 1 And they just keep pointing. It's like, ding, the couch.
Ding, the bad vibes couch. Ding, bing, ding.

Speaker 1 So Lindsay's like, yeah, I don't have FOMO about missing this party, stupid pirate party, shipwrecked, which actually I came up with that idea, and Carl just took it because he doesn't have any of his own ideas, not even for stupid parties.

Speaker 1 I thought that was so funny that Carl couldn't even come up with his own party idea.

Speaker 1 We should do a shipwreck party. I'm going to be here next week.
Stellar Shipwreck Party.

Speaker 1 It's like next year, Carl's be like, guys, I was thinking about having a party and it could be in, I don't know, I was just thinking about something like maybe tribute to Aunt ronda i don't know

Speaker 1 they're like did you come up with that on your own carl yeah totally totally and aunt ronda's like good for you lindsay

Speaker 1 the only thing about you having a decent man and not having to dump a terrible man is where am i gonna get the serotonin left

Speaker 1 So back to the party, Jesse and West are sort of hanging out. Jesse has shit faced.
He has torn his pants from dancing on the dance floor.

Speaker 1 I can't even imagine how badly he mangled the banga bus, but he did.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 West is like, Jesse basically is saying, By the way, I was talking to Sierra and I wanted to defend your honor, bro. And she just kept on being like, oh, you used her.

Speaker 1 And I was like, no, it was a bro. Like, how do we get back to being a place we're all friends again? She looked at me and was kind of like, never, bro.
And then West is like, I'm sad.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, because that whole conversation with Sierra, he was supposed to be like, hey, bro, give my bro a chance, Sierra he's a good guy maybe you can marry Mary West after all and instead he was like hey Sierra sure we've got a chance don't we honey he's sort of like missed he kind of like messed up the

Speaker 1 the mission you know we're just friends we're just friends so you're saying i have a chance right

Speaker 1 she's like i'm gonna put on my pelican mask again

Speaker 1 um so basically yeah and so now wes is all in his feelings like oh my god i can't believe she said that you know like god he gets to really what the core is which is like austin was way worse than i was

Speaker 1 she still talks to austin why am i getting raked over the goals

Speaker 1 was austin worse than i don't think austin was worse austin was pretty bad austin was worse austin because

Speaker 1 he didn't he didn't say because she told she was straight up with west and said listen i'm not gonna sleep with you unless we're we have something austin didn't necessarily say that austin was just kind of like hey the ones who signed this fuck around around here, Charleston, whatever.

Speaker 1 Like, it's fine. We'll want to double date.
And she kind of assumed. But with West, she was like, no, this is what I want.
Don't fuck me over. And he's like, fuck you over, never.

Speaker 1 By the way, New York Times never really liked Sierra that. That's true.

Speaker 1 I think West is actually worse. Although,

Speaker 1 Austin did say, you look like goddamn Celine Dion.

Speaker 1 Which is a strange one. Celine Dion does not deserve that.

Speaker 1 Just to be associated with Austin, I mean.

Speaker 1 So anyway, so Sierra and Paige are in bed, of course. And Paige says the least surprising thing, which is, this party is draining me.

Speaker 1 You know, Craig and I went to dinner Thursday night. I had to have kangaroo.
Ew, disgusting. And you just started to be like, I come to you 90% of the time and we never even talk about it.

Speaker 1 And now you're like going on tour. And like, am I going to be like, I just want to make sure our relationship is like a priority? Like, gross.
Disgusting.

Speaker 1 And Sierra's like, yeah, like, woe is me. And then she gets her iPad and she's like, dumping.

Speaker 1 Then she goes, and I'm not going to tell you again.

Speaker 1 And Paige's like, well, we got home. And then he was like, well, obviously on camera, I'm not going to say that your shit's bigger than mine because that would look negative towards me.

Speaker 1 And I was like, but it wouldn't look positive towards me, Craig. And she's like, what? He wouldn't even say shit was, that your shit was bigger than his shit.
Dump that fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 Damn damn it did i say that again

Speaker 1 and craig meanwhile is like where's my girlfriend girlfriend

Speaker 1 paige is like i mean i'm starting to wonder like is craig like a secret hater and a storyteller

Speaker 1 um so sierra's like well he shouldn't have she shouldn't have to pay for his lack of self-esteem this is all on him fuck that guy you know so jesse and west went on a podcast i think it was virtual reality and they were talking and Jesse's like wow, you know, the girls are real convincing with like, you know, how they like say that men are screwing them over and stuff.

Speaker 1 I mean, Craig was just saying, like, make our relationship a priority. Like, is that so bad? I mean, what's so wrong with that?

Speaker 1 And the host of that was like, you're going to get, like, you could just hear him being like, you're going to get your ass beat.

Speaker 1 Because that's not all Craig did. Craig said, you know, you can't really work the same when we're together and you have a baby.
So this is the end, right? This is all you're going to do.

Speaker 1 He is trying to hold that girl back, and I'm glad she dumped him. And Jesse, I'm not surprised.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We have been and continue to be resolutely team page on this situation.

Speaker 1 So, uh, outside. Jesse said that the rest of his season's not very good, and we're about to see why.

Speaker 1 But I was like, you just made it 10 times worse.

Speaker 1 Do you really need Paige after your ass now? She's like, okay, another death on my list.

Speaker 1 Revenge.

Speaker 1 So outside. I remember that stuff.

Speaker 1 Revenge!

Speaker 1 The ocean would be like,

Speaker 1 so outside, the party is in full swing. Let's pretend that Lil didn't actually leave yet, because apparently she hasn't, because now we see her doing the worm.

Speaker 1 Which.

Speaker 1 Just, okay, it's funny to see anyone doing the worm, but Lil doing the worm.

Speaker 1 Lil does the worm just in conversation. She's like, you know,

Speaker 1 I'm really into cards.

Speaker 1 She's like trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but also doing the worm at the same time.

Speaker 1 She's doing an interpretive dance

Speaker 1 commemorating her future relationship with Carl. We see it all working out.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 upstairs, Amanda joins the girls upstairs, and she's asking, she's like, by the way, you guys, like, she's talking about like

Speaker 1 Jesse. I think she's talking, is she talking about Jesse and Sierra?

Speaker 1 Yes, because Amanda's like, I've been picking up on it all fucking summer, and I mentioned it to her a couple of times, and she's like, no, I would never. And I thought it was a joke.

Speaker 1 But then they were like this and dancing with each other.

Speaker 1 That sounds gross. I'm trying to hide in bed away from this gross shit.
Could you please stop? I don't want to go downstairs. I don't want to look at that.
And I heard Lila's doing the worm.

Speaker 1 Can someone just bomb this house?

Speaker 1 Although I do want a chicken finger. Okay, I'm going to come down.

Speaker 1 And we do see, I mean, like, Jesse is, like, grinding up on Sierra. Lexi will not be happy with that, and I can't wait to see her reaction.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Amanda's like, is it weird eating chicken fingers? Because I'm like a bird, and I'm eating another bird.

Speaker 1 Deep thoughts on this show at all times.

Speaker 1 So they go, the party ends, and I was shocked that Amanda did not go running out to the backyard to say, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Speaker 1 She must have really been upset that she didn't get to say it this week, because that's kind of like all she does on the show. Is kick people out of the house.

Speaker 1 So Paige is like, all right, get the boys up to my room. We need to gossip.
I'll be on the bed.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 now Jesse is putting Sierra's feet on his leg on the couch. They're kind of gathering on the couch, and they're all getting flirty and drunk.

Speaker 1 So Jesse has her feet on his leg and she's like, my feet are ashy. And Paige is like, suck her toes.

Speaker 1 It's great. Great foreshadowing.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know what was going to come.

Speaker 1 And I mean that in all ways.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Sierra's like, ew, don't suck my toes.

Speaker 1 So then, of course, like Imral's like, what was that? And

Speaker 1 he's like, wait a second. Someone could be sucking my toes.
Who wants to go out tonight? And so they're like, yeah, let's all go out. Let's go out tonight.
So they're all going to go out.

Speaker 1 And Paige is like, ew, disgusting. A non-bed activity? I would never.

Speaker 1 But then there, Amanda sees West outside by himself, and she's like, That's so sad. West is out there all by himself.

Speaker 1 Do you think he's okay? And it just shows West dancing all alone in those wings at the edge of the dance floor where nobody is. He's like,

Speaker 1 sad little puppy. So now Amanda goes out there to check on him, basically to get gossip.

Speaker 1 And he's like, dude, like it's getting to the point where like I'm trying to be nice and I'm trying to be civil, but like she won't be friends with me.

Speaker 1 And like it's like really not fair because it's not my fault. It didn't work out just because she said, promise you won't use me.

Speaker 1 And then I used her and then like went on to bang random chicks at bars across the country. Like that just like hurts a lot.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, like I'm sorry, but you can't get mad with me just because I didn't want to date you and then keep villainizing me because we're not dating.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh my God, you're just making this so much worse. That's not the point, you piece of shit.
She never would have dated you in the first place.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You begged and begged and begged.

Speaker 1 God, it's like when you give somebody a fiver on the street and you're like, I'm a fucking baller. I just helped somebody today.
And they're like, that's it.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, you fat bastard. You got more than that.

Speaker 1 Well, it wouldn't be summer house without someone love bombing. So let's go into the bathroom where Jesse is peeing and simultaneously flirting with Lexi on the FaceTime.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God, you're calling me.

Speaker 1 Are you peeing right now? Just like,

Speaker 1 what's the sound of peeing? I don't know how you make that.

Speaker 1 I've never tried to make that with my mouth. No, but like the bubbles hitting the water.

Speaker 1 I really liked.

Speaker 1 I really liked. But I have to say, I really liked the audience participation on that just now.

Speaker 1 But you're like, what's the sound of peeing? And then we all were like, oops.

Speaker 1 It's like we're both doing pee sound and calling a bunch of cats.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 I ain't losing right, Natty. Yes, you are.

Speaker 1 So then we go to Craig and Paige, and Craig, they're sitting on the

Speaker 1 bed, and Craig is like, we haven't eaten all day today I ate

Speaker 1 what did you eat chicken what no chicken what chicken what I ate chicken you you didn't you didn't eat me I'm alive no chicken what

Speaker 1 the thing that I ate today was chicken

Speaker 1 you are gonna tell me why did the chicken cross the road

Speaker 1 why to get away from chicken

Speaker 1 what how do I get away from myself I've been asking myself the same question for two years. Hey, Craig.
Hey, Craig. Can you get your phone?

Speaker 1 What? Where is it? It's right here.

Speaker 1 Why do you want to know? Okay, now lay back. Okay.

Speaker 1 Now go on it and shut up.

Speaker 1 Because why should I do that?

Speaker 1 So I can go on mine. Please be quiet.
Hey, Craig. Hey, Craig, can I see one of your pillows? Uh, sure.

Speaker 1 Okay. Oh,

Speaker 1 can you just hold it a little closer to your face? Yeah. A little little closer.
Yeah. A little closer.
I don't know if I can breathe anymore. Closer.

Speaker 1 He did it to himself, not my fault.

Speaker 1 Back to Jesse and Lexi. Do you miss me? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I miss you.
I jerked off before the party.

Speaker 1 So I wouldn't like to miss you too bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If these two aren't a forever couple, I don't know who is.

Speaker 1 And she's like, um.

Speaker 1 He goes, yeah, you know, so like, I mean, but it didn't work because I jerked off, but then I still missed you. She goes, oh, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.
It's like, there's no hope for you.

Speaker 1 Listen, Lexi, I'm trying with you.

Speaker 1 The man is being as he calls you and then talks about jerking off so he doesn't miss you.

Speaker 1 Girl, bye. That was, he was trying to say that.
What he meant to say was I jerked off so I wouldn't cheat on you. Yeah.
And then he was like, so So I don't miss you.

Speaker 1 And then she's like, But I want you to jerk off to me, right? And then she's like,

Speaker 1 I miss you. And she's like,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 So it's like, yeah, I mean, I thought about you before jerking off. I thought about you during jerking off.
I thought about you after jerking off. She's like, you thought about me after?

Speaker 1 And he's like, well, right now it's after. So I guess I stopped thinking about you.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, I want to run to the Hamptons right now.

Speaker 1 I'm up in Canada with my family, and like I've been hearing from Jesse like non-stom.

Speaker 1 Like even on a regular day, he calls me like 50 to 100 times, except for 37 minutes between the hours of 3 a.m. to 3.37 a.m.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I mean, I just love it because like he updates me with what he's doing and then I update him with what I'm doing. Lip liner, lip liner, lip liner, mom calls.

Speaker 1 I do a podcast with my sister and my mom called 69 girls. Then we put lip liner on each other, and then he calls me again.

Speaker 1 So he's like, Yeah, I'm thinking about how bad it is with us and Sierra, you know, and like, I just hope you and I don't ever come to that point, you know.

Speaker 1 You're about to fuck Sierra. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 So, meanwhile, it's that hour of the night, the hour where Kyle is slumped over his DJ booth, going,

Speaker 1 Barney.

Speaker 1 So, now everyone goes out. Everyone goes out for a good time.
Everyone heads out. It's the usual thing.
They go out

Speaker 1 and then they come back and they push open that door. You're like, okay, whatever.

Speaker 1 Craig does exactly what Kyle does when he comes home. He walks into the room when Paige is sleeping and he's like, hey,

Speaker 1 honey, honey.

Speaker 1 Look how early I am. I just couldn't do it.
I had to come back to you. And then you see everyone is home at the same time as Craig.

Speaker 1 And, you know, as per tradition, Imeral brings his two friends to the house, an arrow and an arrow.

Speaker 1 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And

Speaker 1 we,

Speaker 1 well, we have a little surprise for you guys, which is that

Speaker 1 we have the two girls from Summer House. Please welcome the two friends,

Speaker 1 person in person. Hi, welcome.

Speaker 1 So good to see you guys. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Bing bing.

Speaker 1 Oh, so yeah. Bing, bing, bing.

Speaker 1 Well, thanks so much for coming. Okay, thank you.
Bye. Bing, bing, bing, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, bing.

Speaker 1 Wow. It was great to finally get to hear their perspective on this.

Speaker 1 So Emerald's like, hey,

Speaker 1 Jesse goes, hey, you brought two chicks home because Emerald, we just hear Emerald, he's putting like a washcloth over the camera, you know, so he can bone as he does every night yeah so he's putting it and then you just hear him go i'm naked by the way i know

Speaker 1 those two girls are like um

Speaker 1 so but then in the middle of this it gets obviously i guess it gets too hot because then he goes downstairs and he's like but then he's like bragging he's like hey everyone two girls upstairs

Speaker 1 Anyone got a fan? And they're like, what? There's two girls up there?

Speaker 1 Even the guys, like the guys who are all horn dogs, usually they're like, what? You're fucking in the house. Fucking legend.
Yes, I'm all.

Speaker 1 I'm raw, fucking like crazy. By now, they're like, you brought more women home?

Speaker 1 I know. Take the fan and open a window, please.
God, man.

Speaker 1 So then except for Jesse. Jesse's like, you brought you girls home? Hey, maybe I'll check in, you know?

Speaker 1 So he like drunkenly walks down the hall and he opens the door and he goes, I just really miss you guys.

Speaker 1 And then he goes into the room.

Speaker 1 What would Jesse Solomon do?

Speaker 1 So 37 minutes later,

Speaker 1 I was not expecting this. I thought he was going to walk in.
It'd be a gag, if you're silly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Speaker 1 But it was 37 minutes later. 37 minutes? You're 25.
That should have been three minutes later. Come and done.

Speaker 1 37 minutes later is me, and this is how it ends. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus Christ. Hand me this pillow.
Am I having a heart attack? Feel my pulse.

Speaker 1 Did I die already?

Speaker 1 I really got to start Zumba again.

Speaker 1 25, shame on you. 37 minutes later.
So Jesse leaves and he's trying to be subtle. He's like, oh, God, so great seeing you guys.
Great seeing you. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 And then we see a close-up on the floor. When I tell you that I Zaprudered the shit out of this film.
I've been backstage there. I downloaded it from the peacock.
I was like, Rowling, 10 seconds.

Speaker 1 Ben what does this look like to you I'm airdropping it to you right now he's like some shit on the floor condoms does it look like condoms

Speaker 1 what is he holding in his hand right now what is he is it a gun is it a gun

Speaker 1 it was like cereal it was basically the next season of cereal

Speaker 1 How many condoms were on the floor?

Speaker 1 Which is actually kind of like Lindsay now that I think about it.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, Lindsay would make a great prosecutor for a crime podcast what were you doing the night of the murders did you sage beforehand

Speaker 1 but yeah ron even sent it to me ronnie was like ben look at this and i was looking you're all i was on the reddit i was looking at every detail like what did people find what did they find

Speaker 1 So here's what it is. I don't think they're condoms on the ground because they didn't have the little rib, you know, the little curled up sections at the end.

Speaker 1 I think that was plastic wrap from something they had just unwrapped and thrown on the floor was it a box of condoms i don't know it was wrapping for something and then there was like some little thong and i i'm so jealous of people who were that tiny this thong was this big it was like this

Speaker 1 i had to do an image search it was like it's a thong i was like no way no it's not is that a fingertip cover what the fuck is that thing it was a thong

Speaker 1 And then Jesse walks out and he's holding, we see a close-up of his hand and he's holding what looks like a rolled-up sock that looks wet.

Speaker 1 He came in it. I'll say it.
He came in it.

Speaker 1 So then Jesse walks down the hall and he's holding his phone in one hand and this sock thing in another, this wet sock.

Speaker 1 And then he's kind of trying to hide the sock and he almost puts it in his pocket but thinks against it, probably because it's a fucking splooge sock.

Speaker 1 And you know he's going to wear those shorts 10 more times.

Speaker 1 But then by the time he gets back to the bedroom, the sock is gone and he's hidden it from the camera. So I don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe he's like, it'll be fine in the back pocket.

Speaker 1 Either way, you just

Speaker 1 either got, do you think you just got a blow? What do you think he did?

Speaker 1 I, well, you know what? I guess we'll have to see what happens on the white lotus tonight before we fully.

Speaker 1 I want to know what happened because if it was a blowjob, I feel so sorry for those girls, and I'm mad that we don't see them the next day because I want to see one of those arrows walking out with a jaw that's clicking.

Speaker 1 37, man.

Speaker 1 My honest opinion is the following, which is that I think that Jesse went in there. I think the girl sucked on his toe.
I think that the threesome did the threesome thing.

Speaker 1 And then I do think the creepy little brother from the White Lotus jerked him off.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I think Jesse jerked him. I think Jesse jerked off while they were all doing something.
That is my theory. So that way he could reasonably say, I didn't participate.
It was funny.

Speaker 1 He can say, I never talked to you. I was like, I'm not sure if I can get a

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe. Let it be known.
He jerked off. But they did have that conversation where he's like, I jerked off and I thought of you.
So maybe, and she thought it was romantic.

Speaker 1 So maybe he'll be like, I jerked off to a threesome and I pictured three of you. And she's like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 We'll see, but this guy. Okay.
So then

Speaker 1 people go to bed. Who cares? I just want to talk about this for the rest of my life.
Really? So

Speaker 1 I'm going to go into White Lotus threads. Like, you guys, what was Jesse carrying?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 you know what I can't wait to do once the White Lotus is done is to make some other stupid Bravo mashup video. And then people think that something that happened on the White Lotus happened in Bravo.

Speaker 1 Because remember when I did that with Heather Gay?

Speaker 1 Remember when we were all wondering how Heather Gay got her black eye? And I just did a stupid video where I spliced in the end of White Lotus. And people were like, guys.

Speaker 1 I heard that Heather Gay fell off a boat.

Speaker 1 And there was not a boat in sight on that show. And everyone's like, no, Heather Gay in the middle of the night went off to a boat and fell off.
I saw the footage.

Speaker 1 So I'm ready, everyone. I'm ready to cause some shit on the internet.
So good. So we wake up in the morning.
Kyle goes running. Jesse is talking to Wes in the kitchen.

Speaker 1 And he's like, we're only like two chicks in his gym. So, you know, they were like, come in, Jesse.

Speaker 1 So, you know, I put my toes in their faces, kind of joking, you know, and then they were like, you know, what do you want to do? And I was like, suck my toe. And so they did.

Speaker 1 When I tell you someone posted a close-up of this man's foot on the rag.

Speaker 1 Listen. The toes are like this.

Speaker 1 Listen, listen. His toes probably tasted great.
Because listen, what he, look, here's how he describes them. Well,

Speaker 1 you know, I've been partying outside. I was barefoot.
Then I went to a club.

Speaker 1 Couldn't have smelled that great.

Speaker 1 Ew.

Speaker 1 So then the producer's like, uh-huh. And why did you take your socks off? And he's like, oh, I was barefoot.
I was barefoot when I went in there. And she's like, no, you weren't.

Speaker 1 And then they show a close-up of him holding this sock in his hand as he leaves the room. I was like,

Speaker 1 hire that producer onto the show. Next season, I want Lil and the producer on the show.
That was so good. I was so proud of her.
I was like, Pew Litzar. Pew Litzar.

Speaker 1 And then we see a flashback of him going in that room going, and I'm hard.

Speaker 1 Maybe we didn't get a timestamp, but I'm thinking that was probably the 37-minute mark. And they're like, oh, just get out of here.
Fucking 37 minutes.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 then we go to agent Craig in bed. So he's trying to snuggle, and he's like,

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry.

Speaker 1 I had a dream. I had a short dream.
She's like, me too. It's called our relationship.
Get out.

Speaker 1 Sorry, did that come out of my mouth?

Speaker 1 He's like waking up and he like twitches or something and he knocks her phone out of her hand. I was like, oh, she's done with you now.

Speaker 1 Do you see my hand? What's in it? Nothing, exactly. You're done.
Get out of here.

Speaker 1 So then we go see Wes take his daily shower in the pool.

Speaker 1 And Amanda's like, in the middle of the night, I had waves of nausea and I was like, what the hell? And then I looked over and Kyle was there and I was like, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 Kyle.

Speaker 1 Gabby says something. She goes, I hate that for both of you.
What time did you guys get back?

Speaker 1 Can we give Gabby something more to do on this show?

Speaker 1 Listen, people are making their own plot lines here. Gabby needs to get her toes out and go to work.

Speaker 1 So Jesse comes back and he's like, hey guys, got back or there was a threesome, huh? And the man is like, oh my God, you checked on him.

Speaker 1 How do you even have the confidence to walk in on him and two girls

Speaker 1 gabby's like wait i thought you were joking wait he actually brought two girls home i hold on i have to put on my new disgusted face

Speaker 1 and jesse's like well this is what i know i was like hi you know girl scout cookies or whatever and then they were like come fuck us and i said no no i couldn't Lexi's better than Foresomes,

Speaker 1 right? You know what? Romance is not dead after all. Lexi is better than Forsoms.
And when you look deeply into my eyes and you said, Lexi, you're better than Forsoms,

Speaker 1 I said, I do.

Speaker 1 Amanda's like, I'm going to let her know that you said that. And he goes, I mean, I didn't even consider it at that moment what she might think about it.
And Amanda's like, great. Every girl's dream.

Speaker 1 And then we see Emerald coming out and they're playing this dramatic music because I guess Emeril's in trouble now for having a force. Since when, I don't know.
But Emeril comes out.

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, guys, Polly.

Speaker 1 He's just wiping his face.

Speaker 1 He's giving himself the hoe bath as he walks out.

Speaker 1 And they're laying like,

Speaker 1 Emerald's here. And then we see clips of next week when Sierra's like, bro, you fuck like 10 people at a time in our house and it's getting fucking disgusting.

Speaker 1 And that brings us to the end of summer housing.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Philadelphia, for being here tonight. You're always an amazing crowd.
And we will see you next time. We love you guys.
Thank you. Bye.
Good night.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
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Speaker 1 She's V V I P, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
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Speaker 1 Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Don't get get salty with Christine Pepper.
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Speaker 1 Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kerr.
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Speaker 1 My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo. She gets an A, it's Kelly B.
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Speaker 1 We love you guys.

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Speaker 1 Picture this.

Speaker 3 You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange. The horizon doesn't look right.
At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 3 Then, the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 3 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 3 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 3 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 3 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.