#2997 RHOC S19E10 Part One: Beverly Shrillbillies

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Watch what crap is, watch what crap is.

Who cares what happens for this?

So much that crappin'.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there.

Hey, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie.

How's it going?

Good.

I went to the ballet last night, so I feel very cultured today.

Saw a lot of people dancing on their toes, jumping up in the air and stuff.

So nice.

I love that they felt cultured before you had to then sit down and watch Tamara take everyone to Temecula for

wine tasting.

I went to the ballet and then I came home and watched Tamara and was like, hmm, I don't know.

I think I prefer my culture.

I prefer the Orange County.

No, the ballet was great, but I was sitting there watching it thinking, God, my back hurts just from sitting down.

Like, I was sitting down.

I was like, oh, my back.

I was like, you're sitting down.

Like, what do you want to lay down at the ballet?

No, sir.

You have to at least sit down.

And I was still in pain.

I don't know how those people do it.

That's a lot of work.

Yeah.

a ballet is

it's hard it's really yeah what the hell and then i had to come home and listen to jen talk about her disgusting quote-unquote fatty photo i was like really now i have to hear it from you and that's not even a fatty photo so i don't know it basically scrambled my brain but today is real housewives of orange county day it's a friday which is always very exciting in these parts as i'm sure a lot of your parts oh all your parts is exciting in your parts guys uh it's orange county today Monday is Amazon live day, which is going to be super fun.

That's at 4 p.m.

Pacific time.

Okay.

Every other Monday.

And then when we're not doing that at 5.30 Pacific time, we're doing crappy hour on Mondays, which is on the YouTube and the Patreon for free and the Instagram.

So check those out.

If you want times and all that, just check our social Instagram.

Okay.

I was reading that social is ruining the country right before this.

I was reading an article because, you know, the shooting and all that stuff.

They're like, oh my God, social media is ruining the country.

And I was like, um,

no, the country is ruining the country.

We need social media to see what Jim Pedrante is breaking down about.

So let's not get rid of social media quite yet.

I need it.

Yes.

Well, on that note, let's dive into today's episode, which deals with much happier topics, such as Shannon going to the dermatologist's office.

You got her face injected.

Sophie, look at this.

Isn't this hilarious?

I'm getting an injection.

I'm getting an injection just the way your father got an injection of slut five years ago.

Is this numbing?

Is this numbing?

Just like that blonde slut on the beach got an injection of David, David, David, David.

Yeah, she's getting some Botox.

And this is, oh, I've got Miami notes open.

Wrong show.

Wrong show.

I was like, I don't care what happens.

My soul is at fault.

Well,

I just want to say that if people don't follow Jettiquet, you are not on the plane.

Wait, what am I even saying?

Is this what I normally say?

Jetiquit, am I right?

It's a new term.

I made it up.

Jettiket.

That's next.

If you ever follow Marcus Jordan again, it will cost you a lot.

I don't normally say this.

What's happening?

So her daughter's there, Sophie and Sophia, Sophie, I don't know.

And Sophie is cringing.

She's like, oh, my God, needles.

Shut up.

You know, it's so easy to be 20 years old and be like,

why are you even doing that to yourself?

Shut up.

The second you get one fucking crow's eye, your ass is going to be sitting right in that chair.

I don't even want to hear it from the youth.

I remember when we started this show, and I was like, you know, I'm never going to get plastics.

I'm never going to do any of that.

That's ridiculous.

Yeah, I was a young child back then.

Now I'm like, what can you do?

What can you cut off?

How much is it?

Can I do it by myself at home?

I'm like looking up at YouTube's like, how do I get rid of my waddle with a knife and some, you know, like with a chef's knife and some string?

I'll do whatever I can.

Okay.

Yeah.

Just children.

Just sew it up like a football.

So actually, I think Shannon says something that feels like feels quite poetic.

She says, oh, selfie, snap with the faces.

It's fine.

I have no issues.

This is life.

Needles.

Yeah.

That should be a t-shirt.

This is life.

Needles.

It's true.

That's what we need to be teaching our children.

Yeah.

Life is pain.

I'll tell you what isn't.

Life is pain.

Life is needles.

Just shut the fuck up.

If you want your face to move, then shut the fuck up and get this needle.

I'll tell you what life were, I was.

I wish life were those things that, you know, they take, you know, when you, when you like, when you trash something in the junkyard and they have those compressors, they just squish it down into a little metal, little pancake, you know, to save space.

I wish life were that.

And it happened to Ryan's

cyber truck because, of course, this guy has a cyber truck because we've got to Ryan and Jen washing his cyber truck.

Of course.

I mean, I mean, first rule of a cyber truck is that you also wear denim with paint splatters on it.

I mean, everyone knows that, but here he is washing the, washing this, or as he calls it, the cyber beast, ugh, ugh, praying, praying that there is a safe, no one gets hurt, totaling of the scar.

A trash compactor.

I saw that Final Destination movie, the most recent one, someone got killed in a trash compactor.

And I was like, what a way to go.

What a way to go.

And if you're messing around, if you're near a trash compactor, you know you're going to get final destinations, right?

Like there's certain things where it's like, okay, like a board game falls over and it knocks a picture frame into a camera lens and the camera lens rolls and knocks a glass of water into an outlet and you get electrocuted.

Okay, that's a freak accident.

But if it was a good round because they even saw it coming.

They were like, oh, no, it's a truck.

Get out of the way.

Get out of the way of the garbage truck.

And they, oh, they're like, oh, my God, we're saved.

But then this girl started jogging and like a baseball hit her in the head and she fell into a trash can, which flipped her into the, they flipped it over into the,

it was so stupid and amazing.

And yes, I.

That's actually hilarious.

That's like slapstick now.

Yeah, the final destination.

So it's like the most fun ways to die.

But yeah, I was thinking about that with the cyber truck.

Shove it in there.

You know, get that final destination for sure.

Washing the cyber beast.

That man is is going to cheat on you.

If you, if there weren't already the signs of you, that man was cheating with you in the parking lot of a gym already, that he will cheat on you in the future.

This man has, this man will cheat on you.

He's going to cheat on you within two years.

I'm going to say within two years from now.

Yeah.

I think Carrie Underwood is like ready to write a song about him.

It's not even before he cheats.

It's like when, during, and as he continues to cheat.

That will be her next song.

Yeah.

He's probably already cheating.

So So then we go to Heather's penthouse and

they're unboxed.

She's got a bunch of like Fendi delivered to her because she's so rich.

Yes.

Look at my fabulous penthouse life with my husband.

We have hilarious rapport.

Oh no, he's seeing me open up the packages.

He's not supposed to see that.

That is bad.

The joke is that husbands don't like when wives shop all the time.

It might affect our sexy times which we are currently having in our other penthouse upstairs that is only for sexy times

you see in comedy they have a concept called setup and punchline and the setup is we are in a penthouse and he is a doctor earning money and i'm spending his money too much and he doesn't realize but he caught me and therefore what we have is a comedic moment that happens.

Yes, I am taking him back.

So back at at the dermatologist, now Sophie's getting a facial and the esthetician's like, you're going to look like a glazed donut.

A villain channel either probably.

So it's just my team sedicated in there.

So I don't know why everybody's so mad at me.

I don't know why.

Mother, stop biting my face.

Oh, I heard something about a glazed donut.

I'm so sorry, daughter.

So Janet's like, I will absolutely encourage my girls to do the most natural anti-aging procedures because we know face lifts are expensive.

That was a joke, a callback.

So

when I received what I thought was a gift for a facelift and turned out it was a loan by a pathetic man who's now marrying a pathetic woman.

Thank you.

I'll tell you what was free, the boyfriend lift, which Alexis Polino gave me.

So

enjoy your lifted boyfriend.

Staling.

Boyfriend.

Bitch.

Killer.

So Shannon's like, like, I will absolutely encourage my girls to do the most natural anti-aging procedures because, yes, Ben already said that line.

So in the waiting room,

Shannon picks up a call and it's from Tammy Ben.

Where are you right now?

I just got a facial.

Well, hey, I'm calling you for an actual reason.

Not just to say hi.

I wanted to invite you to the private resort and a vineyard and peculiar because it's like a 24-hour trip.

It's going to be me, you, Shane, and Shannon.

You know, just girlfriends, being girlfriends and girlfriend things

i don't know if you're gonna tell the difference between me and sharing because she's a stalker and she's trying to look just like me but whatever dumb bitch come on shannon

shannon has a look on her face like she is in fact participating in final breastination because she knows if she tries to avoid this like tamara will come for her it's like it's it's inevitable she will be put into an emotional trash compactor because you cannot avoid tamara she's like well oh i

okay well i guess i i guess i could do I guess I could do that.

Thank you for the invitation.

She's like, clearly does not want to do this, but knows like she has to.

She absolutely has to do this.

And yeah, she's already, she's already like preparing mentally for how horrible this will be.

Oh, come on, Shannon.

It's a gigantic house.

It's a swimming pool.

You could wear your bikini.

It's going to be so funny.

We're going to take a picture in your bikini.

Come on, Shannon.

It's going to be a bit.

I'm not really very excited about a bikini.

oh well you don't have to i mean if you're a wussy but you could if your big son woman didn't mind come on let's take a picture of the bikini shannon

come on do you want to go because i think it'd just be great just to reunite and have some fun it's gonna be so much fun batch tomato

oh okay well have a good day you know i i'm very hesitant to go on this trip i just want to i just want to hang up the phone but like she is trying to do she's trying to better herself which matters and my concern is going on the trip is i don't know which tamera I am going to get.

Am I going to laugh like I did in New Orleans with her?

Or am I going to cry and sob like I do in New Orleans with her?

Anytime I was with her.

So then we go to Amina, a clothing and lifestyle store.

And Emily's here.

So Emily is shopping with Tamra and she's like, wow, it's so expensive.

Wow, it's good to be expensive, right?

I'm just so tired because Annabelle had a chair competition this morning and i have a son who might possibly have autism what am i supposed to do what am i supposed to do

yeah i saw on instagram that was hilarious so emily's like yeah gina was there too i mean normally they're not doing

this part

yeah i can find another person who's going through it like me So Emily's saying this really compelling story about how she went to a cheer meet, but then Gina was there too.

And they were both there.

so it was exciting so then emily tells us and by the way

any any mom of a cheerleader knows this pain you know and i don't like to i don't like to have anything in common with emily because i find her painfully annoying but um i do keep sandwiches in my purse and also i've done i've gone to a lot of these cheerleading competitions man they are hell they are hell on wheels okay you have to wake your kid up they put all this you should see have you seen the kids at these cheerleading have you seen the makeup and the hair the aquanette alone the ribbons the hair?

I mean, it's ridiculous.

They get they do get up hours early, and then the moms go out there, and the dads have to wear their pink sparkle t-shirts and stuff.

Everybody gets really into it, and you were there all day surrounded by screaming, obnoxious

little beasts, you know.

And then they get out there, and you're like, Holy shit, how do these kids have this much talent?

What the hell?

My back hurts sitting down.

Why am I always thinking that?

Yeah, it's it seems like an awful activity.

So, Emily tells us, um,

for something that's called cheer it really seems to elicit a lot of gross it doesn't induce a lot of that yeah it does not

so emily i want to give some props to emily because obviously she has a a an interview look this season that's not her finest

we've all seen it and i think we're all just trying to be polite about it but it's not a great look for her She debuted a new interview look that actually is like pretty banging.

So I'm like, I'm happy to see that her pendulum swung the other way.

So I just want to give her props.

I think people deserve their flowers when they, when they, when they grow them.

So I'm going to give her some props for that before I probably totally thrash her the rest of the episode.

I don't even notice.

It is like watching a trash compactor scene of Final Destination because when

a new Emily look comes on, I just close my eyes.

I'm like, I can't.

I don't know.

The one she's rocking this year.

That one, the ponytail, is like there's certain housewives looks over the years that just go in, they just sort of go in the books like we'll always remember Teresa with the big like mad max shoulders and I mean that's to me like the chief number one like misstep I don't know I'm trying I can't even think of actually any other like really really bad ones but this Emily one is right up there I have to say and and Gretchen too but really the Emily one

yeah So now we're at the Brandt kitchen and bar, and Gina is going to have lunch with Jen and Shannon.

We're just, well, look at us.

What a group.

Is this the first time we've ever been together?

I think so.

Probably.

Is it the last time?

Hopefully.

Can we get Marilyn Monroe in here, please?

I only had 15 minutes to get dressed.

That's the name of every Gina look of all time.

I know.

That's her, that's her vision board.

She is like, she is the Rachel Ray of styling.

50 means a less.

No shit.

Sorry.

Sorry, you were not able to make a haute couture look for this Mozambique adjacent restaurant you guys are at right now.

The brand.

And Jen's like, oh, well, thank you so much for coming.

I mean, you're such a hot cheer, mom.

Look at you.

Look at you.

You're so hot.

And you're so cheer.

Thank you.

We're doing a second place.

And Annabelle's on two teams.

This is crazy.

And Shan's like, oh, Emily was there too.

So Gina's like, yeah, Emily loves like chill eating and she was like a cheerleader and like I loath chill eating like but Sienna's so fucking happy and she's so nice to me like I've got spirit.

Yes, I do.

And then we see a picture of Emily as a cheerleader, I guess, in junior high or something.

And you really see the difference that 20 years makes or 30 years, whatever it is, because those girls didn't have to do their hair and their makeup like that.

I mean, she came out with all stringy hair and shit.

Like, she was just like, I just just got up.

I guess we'll do some cheering.

Go, go, siskumba, or whatever.

And now

it's cold in here.

There must be a new hip in the atmosphere.

There must, Bert, it's cold in here.

There must be a chicken sandwich in my purse.

There is.

There is.

Sorry, girls.

My team is a two-in-one sandwich and we're going to eat you up.

So they order and they do very orange county ordering.

Oh, well, we'll have the asparagus fries.

Asparagus fries.

And we'll have, oh, well, I'm an auditor.

We'll have,

we'll have,

how about just a piece of lettuce with a side of ranch, but put the side of ranch on the other table.

I don't want to be tempted.

Do you have sweet potatoes?

Now, can you actually peel those sweet potatoes for me?

Great.

You will take the sweet potato peels and nothing else.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

So they make small talk and then Shannon mentions, well, Jen mentions, I guess, Temecula first.

Temecula.

Temecula, guys.

Temecula.

Temecula doesn't sound pretty.

I don't like the name of the place, but it looks very pretty.

Have you ever been to Temecula?

I have been to Temecula.

It is pretty.

I went to a corn maze there.

They used to have a giant corn maze.

I don't know if they still do it.

And then I went to some wineries afterwards.

It was nice, but it was like definitely like, it's kind of like trashy nice, if that makes sense.

Like we went to one

like wine, we went to, like, we went to different vineyards.

There's one vineyard that was like gargoyles, and it was like a weird medieval fantasy theme.

I was like, this is strange,

but um, yeah, it was, it was weird, but I think the name Temecula just does not sound

not sound bougie or whatever.

It's like we're going Temecula, yeah, it needs to be like a Santa something, right?

Like, oh, we're going to Santa Cruz, Santa Barbara, Santa Santa.

so when jen says i i like when jen says i said yes to temecula because i feel like that is actually so much of what her persona is i mean i feel like ryan is like temecula she's like when she says i said yes to tecula that's like her saying i also said yes to the cyber truck i said yes to ryan i said yes to a bikini beach wedding

Well, I didn't, I don't want to answer the question because I'm just not, I don't, I'm not ready for that front, you know,

I can't go back to the friendship.

I just can't do it.

I'm good with just sitting where i am right now right now right here

do you think we could move tables actually it's very very warm right here with the sun coming in i've just had face stuff done i need a i need a cushioned seat actually so i wonder if we actually could move so we go back to tamara we're going to cross-cut between the scenes and tamara's like so I decided to take a few girls to Temecula and I invited Shannon to go.

And when I called her, the girl was a hot mess.

Her hair's sticking up.

Her boobs are spilling out of a shirt.

Look at it, look stupid.

I'm like, she was getting facial work done.

What are you trying to?

What case?

Like, you cannot act like you're trying to build a bridge with Tamara while you're also with Shannon while you're also building a case against her.

Like, already setting this up, establishing a tone.

She's psycho.

Look at her.

She's drunk and she's out of sorts.

We looked at your green face for like three weeks on social media last year.

Okay.

Like, stop coming for Shannon over this.

That's so funny, though.

So, Tamara.

Yeah, I bought it.

I bought it, Shannon's makeup.

She looks so ugly, stupid.

I hope she'll be my friend again, ugly bitch.

So she's.

And also, when she says her boobs are spilling out of her shirt, Shannon's shirt was like up to here.

It was like up to her.

Is that your navel?

What is this part?

Your collarbone?

It was like up to her collarbone.

And Shannon's like, oh my God, put your boobs away.

Shannon, well, I'm getting a treatment.

So

it's the bra.

It's the bra.

I'm out of sorts because they've turned my daughter into a donut.

And I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that.

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The other day, I ordered from Wayfair this really cool little side table for here in this office.

So that way, if I ever needed my laptop, I could put my laptop on it right next to my desk setup, which was really cool.

But what I've since found is that this cute little table works really well as almost like a TV table.

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I could put a drink on it while I watch TV, or if I'm watching a game, because you know, I am a sports gay, I enjoy my football.

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today at wayfair.com that's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wayfair every style every home so it's like yeah i said hey shannon i was all like up and i was all like upy and and like you know and she and she's like oh i was like we're gonna do this and this and this this and she's like huh huh i'm like why are you

it was a perfectly benign phone call and shannon's response was totally normal and she was probably thinking wow i'm

i'm facetiming with tamara and she's probably gonna gonna make fun of my appearance now so she's probably guarded and guess what you're doing making fun of her appearance

and so she says yeah i guess my delivery was bad last year shannon okay my delivery was bad i wish they had put in you drunk up there this stupid bitch i hope you got a fire you dumb ugly crack but they didn't and so she's like yeah i feel so bad about it but you know we've got history there we've been friends for so long i like strong history So, you know, I could be a friend if you just stop holding the grudge.

With Tamara, it's never what she did.

It's always to see.

You just keep holding on to it.

If you could just let it go, we could get on with this.

Come on, keep it moving.

There are a lot of things that have history and doesn't mean just because you have history does not mean that's a good history.

Okay, you can look at various regions of the world right now that have a lot of history.

It's not working out so well.

Okay.

Girl, literally read history.

It's not a happy story.

Okay.

have you been to yourself you know what i need yeah no one's like i need a feel-good read today i'm gonna read history

like she's like we have history yeah and your history is of you two fighting for 10 years straight okay yeah

so um

now

Yeah, stupid bitch.

Starma's like, so then she goes, okay, thank you.

Like, yeah, what else do you want her to say?

Sam was like, well, it sounds like it'll be a fun trip.

I'm going to do something a lot more fun, which is have a very orchestrated and unpleasant and cold sleepover in Beverly Hills.

But we'll get to that later.

Oh, have fun.

So then at the other place, Shannon's like, well, I called my therapist before I came here and she said, would you like that biggie-sized?

I said, hold on a second.

So I called my real one and she said, well, you've been very very clear that you are able to exist with boundaries and you should not go on this trip.

Absolutely not.

So I'm going to go.

I'm going to go.

Because the girls are like, well, you should come for me.

I mean, you should come for me.

We're so close, aren't we?

We don't want to be stuck alone with her.

Okay, come with us.

And that's what she said.

She said, well, my, you know, I said to her, I said, my friends are going to say, you know, come for us.

We'll be there.

We'll have fun.

And then my therapist said, ma'am, this is the Kind Bar World Headquarters.

It was not an actual therapy office.

And I said, I'm so sorry.

I didn't didn't mean to call you by accident, but do you have any customer service agents?

I would like another shipment.

And they said, ma'am, you have to get off the phone.

Anyway, so I'll be going to Temecula.

So, yeah, they talk her into it.

And then back at the store, Emily's like, wait, so you invited Shannon.

Who else is going to come?

Shannon and Gina.

You know, I'm the best girl fans.

And so Tamara's like, yeah, Shannon's going to be a tough one to crack, but Gina can be the mediator.

Girl, gina has started most of the fights that you're in with everybody because gina go gina and emily go around

stirring the pot how in what world is gina going to be a mediator for anybody that can be reliable come on

she is not she is a median that drunk drivers crash across

she's a mediator

she's not she is not i do not want to rely on gina for this gina so to be a mediator she's just a mediator

She just survives to be mid.

So Emily is like, well, by the way, you should have taken Gretchen too.

That could have just been a whole kumbaya bonding moment for you, Tamra.

Tamara's like, Yeah, that's a bit too much for me right now.

So then back at the other restaurant, Jen is like, you know, if she's really taking the time, Shannon, and working on herself, then let's be here.

We're the bigger people.

Yeah, nutterly bitch.

Hey, who said that?

We've definitely got the biggest triangular trucks.

So

thank you so much.

So Gina's like, clearly there's things like you have behind the surface.

So let's like look at it like an opportunity to possibly clear some things out.

Okay, let's like keep it light.

Like you could wear a sun hat.

Like, oh yeah, let's find men for you.

Let's find men for you.

We'll just sit in gym parking lots and wait for some, someone will show up.

I'm sure of it, Shannon.

I believe in you.

I believe in you, Shannon.

Shannon, open the snack hole, dust it off.

Are we talking about my purse?

What do you, what do you mean, the snack hole?

No, the snack hole.

You know, the

granola crucci.

You know what I'm talking about?

I'm, I, I, I'm not following because that's a slang of some sort.

Your vagina.

What?

Oh, Jen.

Well, that was a lot.

It's a lot, Jen.

A snack hole?

I don't, I don't know either.

The fuck is a snack hole?

Isn't a vagina

Snack hole.

The rest of the coil.

So then

we get, yeah, I can't think about it.

It's breaking my brain.

My brain is melting out of my ears.

So

then we go to podcast one, where Heather DuBro is recording a pod.

Okay, this is the most horrifying fucking shot to open this scene.

It's a close-up of Heather's.

I'm going to do it for Krap and's on Demand.

I had nightmares when I went to bed.

This is Heather's face close-up on a giant poster in her podcast.

It's like

it is.

I know.

It's so intense.

What is that look?

She's, I'm like, please don't hurt me.

Please.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I brought your water to the table too late, ma'am.

It's like the look that every bus boy gets when he messes up, you know, the

plating or whatever, the breading of the table.

Yeah, it's very much, it sort of like reminded me of like the post-art for Fright Night growing up.

So, um,

so Heather is like, Steve, Steve, can I check the headset level?

Is Alfredo here?

Can Alfredo check them the levels for me?

Anyone?

Hello.

Testing one, two, three, testing one, two, three.

Televisions, Heather DeBrough, testing one, two, three, two, three, one, two, three.

Steve, Steve, it's Steve, right?

My name is Joanne.

Steve, okay.

Could you check the levels?

Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich.

Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich.

Rich, rich, rich, rich.

Do we have it?

Okay.

From the top.

Rich, rich, rich.

Like I always tell my servants how many paces they have to stand behind me.

Three, two, one.

Okay, we're live.

So she's like, I've always done my podcast in Beverly Hills, but ever since we've moved back to LA, it's opened incredible doors for me.

I feel like I've been given a very special opportunity to use this podcast to promote voices that don't usually get heard.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me.

Not you.

Please get out of here.

Not you, Jen.

So in walks Dylan Mulvaney and sits down for the podcast.

And she's like, okay, everyone, let's talk with Heather DeBreaux.

Starts now.

Well, my guest today, I've known her for a while.

She's the most fabulous person.

Please welcome Dylan Mulvaney.

And so Dylan's like, hi, how's it going?

Whatever.

And of course, somewhere Gretchen Rossi was having a very difficult time listening to this episode, I'm sure.

Let me just say, Dylan Mulvaney shows up in full Heather Dubrow cosplay, which I loved.

I mean, dressed just like her, acting just like her.

It was

weird.

They were like sisters.

And she's like, oh, Heather, I just, where did we meet Heather?

I forgot where we met.

Where was it again?

Oh, Kathy Kathy Hilton's house.

Of course.

God, I'm over there all the time.

I just love old Kath.

Don't you?

Oh, sure.

Sure, very much.

You know what was fun?

Do you remember when I turned around to introduce you to Reba McIntyre, but then we realized that Reba wasn't invited.

And Dylan's like, yeah, she was like one of the first celebrities I ever met.

You know, she's like, I would have sworn you were a cis woman.

I i mean you know she didn't say cis but i was just like this was just one of those pinch me moments and well oh gosh you know you played my remember remember you played my mom in a in a music video well you know of course i did uh syracuse university i was the lead in anything goes i guess anything went that was great role thank you so much jillen for offering it to me Oh, it just makes me so emotional, Heather.

I mean, not every woman in this town would do that for me, you know?

Transmiss is very polarizing.

And so is portum, isn't it?

God.

Yeah, those extremists also want to make someone like you scared to support someone like me.

And it's so funny because so many people are just generally scared to even be near me.

So I understand.

I don't understand transness per se, but I do understand people being terrified of you.

Isn't it great?

No, no, I don't mean in that way.

I mean, really, every time I walk into a room, cleaning ladies start running around.

You know, last week, a gardener hid behind a bush as I came down the walk.

It felt so good.

I said, Alfredo, get back, get, get back to work.

Stop hiding from that bush.

Oh, man.

You know, every mom is worried about their children's safety.

So, am I concerned about the world and how they perceive the queer community?

Yes, I'm worried.

And just like I always tell Gretchen Rossi, so lovely to see you again.

Anyway, back to this.

I know.

I was like,

you might want to start in your own backyard.

Although Gretchen, you know, is trying to repair her shit reputation that she's earned by following, letting Slade go on her Instagram and follow random queer accounts.

It's like Gretchen Rossi now following queer news.

Oh, really?

Wow.

Really?

Really branching out there, Gretchen.

Hello, Gretchen.

Hey, everybody.

This is just me.

Just me hanging out with seven of my closest Asian friends in Orange County.

God, I love Asians.

So fun.

However.

Right after she got in trouble for her,

you know, shitty posts that she did with Jet on there.

I mean, these people.

These people.

I know.

And next week they're going to...

It's Gretchen going to a gay bar.

So we'll see how that goes.

I was like, I was rooting for you, Gretchen.

I was really enjoying your comeback.

Well, to be fair, I was never rooting for you.

So that felt good.

Well, you know, it's like that whole, like, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

But then when you find out that your friend has problematic views, you're like, oh,

now what?

So Heather

is like, anyway, I know that my kids are lucky because they have a supportive family.

They have resources.

They have yachts.

They have two penthouses, an apartment, all in the same building.

But I know a lot of kids don't have those things.

They usually only have one penthouse.

So it's difficult.

I'm sure it's very difficult for those children.

I don't speak to them, but I'm sure that it's difficult.

That's my handout.

Godiva chocolates to the poor.

So

basically, Heather's like, I'm going to do what I can to stand up for the richest trans people I can find.

So it was actually, it was actually a nice scene.

So she gets a very nice scene.

She says by Dylan.

But yeah, you got to make fun of my Heather scene.

So So then we go to...

Mission Viejo Animal Services.

Oh my God, please say you have someone hot to help us.

I don't know what Emily has done to her face like lately, but she's, I think, over injected because I don't know if you noticed, but in these scenes, like one of her eyes is kind of more closed and they're kind of crying at all times.

She's like crying the whole episode.

Like she doesn't even know it.

I don't even know what she's focusing on.

What's happening over there?

It's just

there are just so many things things that are wrong with this one look.

And by the way, my eyes haven't worked right for two months now since I got my shit done.

So I'm just, it's not even really a judgment as much as like, what is it?

How much did it cost?

And what are the benefits?

And where can I get it?

So I'm literally looking for an answer.

It's, it's, yeah, it's like a welder's mask.

It's a welder's mask with a little gap in the middle.

That's sort of what's happening.

Anyway, I swear I'm a good person.

So Emily is like, hi, I'm a good, hi, I'm Emily.

Nice to meet you.

I'm here.

I'm here to help with dogs and cats.

And she's, and she's saying they're just, they're going to help with animals and everything.

So

they have to go to like, they wind up going to the catery, which I loved because the cats were so cute.

And they wind up, and Gina, and Jenna's, not Jenna.

Jen is there helping Emily and they're cleaning out poop, which is, again, another visual metaphor on the show, except the poop, the litter box never seems to get quite cleaned, does it on Real Households of Orange County?

Yeah, so they're they're volunteering and cleaning up and stuff.

And they've got like a semi-hot guy and he walks them around.

He's like, okay, guys, well, here's your next volunteering opportunity, playing with puppies.

Like, oh, thank you so much.

I just love playing with the puppies.

I adopt so many pets.

I've got like five, six, seven, eight, ten, twelve, thirty cats at a time.

It's, it's great.

Yeah, it's going to leave me.

Do you think Brian's cheating on me?

yes steph i definitely do can i see a picture of him yes that man is cheating on you

you know the cater is nothing okay be a mom vomit boogers human poop you know uh paint on denim cyber trucks it's really easy when dawson was little he dumped a cup of roly polis in my peanut butter and jelly sandwich i mean i could go on for days like wait why did he have a cup of roly polis And like, why did you let him get so close to your, like, was the sandwich open face?

Were you in the process of making it like how did this like there was a failure of parenting before this happened i'm telling you this right now kid walking around with the cup collecting roly polis and when his mom wasn't looking put some roly polis in the sandwich i mean come on he's a boy he's a young boy ben what do you think

and that boy grew up to be a young man who could teach some middle-aged women how to play volleyball on the beach so um They are cleaning out the cattery and then they go, they play with a bunch of insanely cute dogs.

But, you know, this this is what always happens.

You know, that all, all these like shelters and these very good organizations, whenever like a TV camera shows up, they're like, get the cute ones out front.

Come on, they're the cute ones.

Get the three-legged one back in the trunk.

All right.

I don't want to ruin the reputation of the Orange Candy Cattery.

Come on.

They all become like the stage moms.

They become Gypsy Rosalie for all these animals.

Like, come on.

Yeah.

They're like perming their hair doing all their makeup spraying their hair

so adopted today

now they're talking about luke um again and she's like i just can't like i don't have the proper vocabulary about luke i don't know what to do but we're not being very good parents we're gonna get divorced i'm leaving him i'm leaving jane i'm leaving oh just do it already you've been saying this for six years

And, you know, then we see a flashback of like Luke is sitting at the table and Emily tells Luke to sit up.

I don't remember exactly what she said, but she said in a way that was like, what up?

And I was like, you know, you're, you're putting your child on blast on this, on TV for talking, like having baby talk, but I just watched you give your child baby talk.

And Shane is like, okay, like, let's not do that.

Like, that's enabling.

I'm like, look, parenting, I don't know.

I don't know anything about parenting, but as far as like, from what I'm seeing on, on, on this show, it's like, maybe don't talk to your child like a baby if you don't want your child to talk like a baby back to you.

I'm just going to put that out there.

Whether it's my place to or not, it's probably not my place, but you know what?

It's a podcast.

So no.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's, it's just the examples they're showing, I'm just not, I guess I'm just not seeing what she's seeing because to me, it just looks like kind of kid behavior.

I mean, the behavior that's kind of freaking me out is Emily's behavior, like going on TV and being like, I mean, you know, I've got this kid and the other kids don't even like him.

And like, you know, they're annoyed with him all the time.

and so i'm trying to

your kid has to watch this like just shut up find something else to do go back to get a fucking tuna sandwich in your purse like she's disturbing i think she's being i'm not saying anything about the kid because i don't really know except what they're showing us on here but he seems like a perfect like he seems like a perfectly sweet kid that she's absolutely um she's it's her behavior that i'm not liking on the tv i just don't like it with the kids the kids the kids lovely um so she says luke knows that his brother and sister are irritated by him.

And that hurts my heart because then Keller came to me the other day and he said, Mom, can I go to therapy too?

Because I'm just really sad about everything and I don't have anyone to talk to.

So now,

I'm like, okay,

so

it's making me crazy.

I want to go pick up those kids in my auntie van and be like, okay, who has feelings?

Let's talk about them.

Okay.

You should not blame anybody, but my mother.

okay

well i mean look i mean in many ways emily is giving the gift the gift that keeps on giving which is mommy issues for life

so emily is um just saying how she she's come to the realization that she focused all her time and attention on luke and it was actually detrimental to her other children and she thought that they didn't need her as much but actually they do need her in a different way So she's going through that.

I mean,

I'm with you in that, like, it's uncomfortable to think that these kids may see this someday and this could be actually very damaging for them but you know i also do you know i i appreciate that she's being emotionally vulnerable but um yeah it's a it's a weird one for me it's definitely a weird thing and i'm glad she came to the realization that she needs to pay attention to all her kids that's there's an emotionally vulnerable and then there's just like using

using your kids for like plotline stuff.

I mean, Emily's on here sobbing every year about something.

You know, it's like every year she picks something new.

I'm just like, leave your kids alone.

Like, just leave them alone.

And I know it's housewives and they talk about their kids.

You know, like on Salt Lake City, we see Mary's kid going through stuff.

Like he just got arrested this week.

I mean, there's a lot of stuff that people talk about on camera that's like, but these are little, little kids.

And having to hear your mom saying like, well, you know, I'm giving, you know, he annoys his brothers and sisters.

Like they don't really, like, they basically don't want to be around him.

And I don't know, it's just kind of ostracizing this kid even more.

It just seems like you're going to be doing a lot more damage.

And I've gotten some messages from people who are like, I've dealt with something that's very similar and it's really hard.

It's actually a little hard to hear.

You know, like you don't really know what, what it is.

And it's very, very difficult.

And it's a little triggering to hear.

And I get that 100%.

But I also have to just react to what I'm seeing on TV.

Like I'm watching this stuff.

These are the thoughts going through my mind.

Whether they are rooted in total bullshit, in total, like a guy who has no kids and has no experience in that, that's just that

may be, but like it is what I, it's what I see and it's what I feel.

And it's like what's being put out here.

And also, it's like if Emily doesn't want people sort of like two guys on a podcast yammering about it, there is an element of like, well, maybe, maybe don't put that on the show.

Well, I'm not saying about anything about his future diagnosis, whatever that may be.

I'm just saying Emily's an asshole.

It's the same thing I say every day.

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so then we go to tamara's house and um she's with sophia who really is a bright light in this this world i've really come to love this sophia chick

I think she's fine.

I think she's so funny.

She's fine.

I just love it.

I don't have any thoughts either.

alt.

I like like alt-right teenage daughter who just knows her mom's insane.

And she's just like, oh my God.

I'm not alt-right, like alt-rock.

Did I say alt-right?

You said alt-right.

I was like, what?

No, I'm so sorry.

That's Ryan.

No, I didn't even mean, I guess.

I like that she's scrolled all over.

She's like a joke.

Alt-rock.

Joey Joe.

Yeah.

She's just like this rocker girl who knows that her mom's fucking insane and has just chosen to be amused by it, you know?

Cause you can see that it's just a decision.

like, okay,

this woman's nuts, so I'm just gonna choose to smile.

So she goes, Oh my God, you're packing.

Where are you going now?

Jesus,

God,

mother.

Temecula.

Temercula, where else?

Heaven, heaven, mercula.

Where's Macula?

Temercula.

When you're feeling down and feeling out,

where do you go to Macula?

When you're feeling sad and feeling bad?

Where do you go to Macula?

You know that song?

No.

Fuck that song.

It's like mother doesn't even rhyme.

Okay, I'm a songwriter.

Now can we work some cannibalistic references into that?

So she wants to wear a certain outfit.

And Sophie is like, oh yeah, it looks like he got dressed in the dark.

So then we go to Jen packing with her cyber truck.

And then we go to Gina's and Gina's talking to Travis.

And he's like, I just want you to know it's not totally normal to just get a brand new wardrobe for every trip you go on.

Okay.

Women and shopping.

Am I right?

Excuse me, producers.

I refuse to film on this show as long as that sort of attitude persists.

That is absolutely ridiculous.

You know, Heather like saw that at home and was horrified at Travis.

What is this?

This is we hide boxes.

This is why we hide boxes from men folk.

Am I right?

So then Shannon is with Archie.

He's like, okay, Archie, I'm going to tell you exactly how long I'm going to be gone.

One night and two days.

So no more late night drunken walking on the side of the street in Newport, okay?

You got that, mister?

And

Archie just ignores her and goes outside.

She's like, Archie, where did you go?

And then we just see Archie like getting it on with a stuffed animal.

He's like, yeah, yeah, Temecula brings it out in me.

So then we go over to Emily's.

Mother man leaves me behind to have sex with something younger and more attractive.

Thank you so much, Archie.

Stupid blonde bear on the beach.

So then we go to Emily's house, and Heather calls, and she's like, Well, we're just sitting here with Luke.

He got out of school.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I just thought it would be fun to do a little sleepover at my place.

Wouldn't that be fun?

I've opened the servant store's entrance for you.

I'm going to invite Gretchen and we're going to go out for dinner, maybe go to a bar.

You know me, carefree Heather DeBrow.

It'll be a nice, laid-back, simple time where I may put out five platters of hors d'oeuvres and have servants come by and bring us contents.

Oh, sounds great.

I'm so excited to have you.

Please only bring a clear purse.

Thanks.

So Emily's like, all right.

Oh, okay.

Now, Luke, you got to watch dad for me.

He doesn't do well when I'm not around.

Okay.

You need to babysit dad.

He's like, I need $10.

Oh, you want to get to pay to babysit your dad?

I think this kid's doing great.

I know.

No, his business sense is already way better than anything we've seen from Ryan over the past 15 years.

No kidding.

Yeah.

So then back at Tamara's.

What are the girls?

What girls are going?

Say, ah, well, there's Jen.

Really?

Jen?

Yeah, we made up.

Okay.

And Shannon, Shannon's been going.

Shannon's going?

Yeah, she's been hot and cold with me.

Mostly cold, because she's gross and stupid.

You should have seen her when I called her hair with singing dance.

She got boobs everyone with a bitch.

I got Shannon a book if she's going to be a pet.

She wants to see it.

She's like, oh, God, because the book is called How Not to Be a Miserable Cow.

Sophia's like, you really can't help yourself.

She's like, it's a self-help book for cows, which is what Shannon is.

She's like,

mom.

And it's also got big type, okay?

Because

it says how not to be a miserable cow.

Don't you get it?

Don't you get it?

She's like, mom, this is a passive aggressive book.

No, it's not.

And look, because she's so old and she can't read things well, big font, big font patch.

And look, it's written by David, David, David, David.

She's going to love it.

It's like, mom, this is just diss after diss.

You're like, oh, you're a miserable human and you're a bitch who can't see.

Wow.

great mom you can't help but be petty say yeah

let's get a pet

oh my god back to my house tamara's relationships with jen and shannon are like very fragile and i like kind of feel like i'm in the middle of that and travis like well you're gonna be directly in the middle of that

I understand that, but like the other day, I brought up to her and that I thought it was kind of crappy that she called out Shannon and was mean to her about the drinking.

This is so Gina.

Oh my god, like it's so hard to be in the middle, which is why I went out with Shannon.

And I told her, remember that Tamara called you a stupid drunk whore all last year?

Yeah, so hopefully it's not stressful.

Okay, okay, Gina.

So then we see Gina talking to Tamara and she's like, yeah, you know, last year we're coming from this place, you know, because of drinking, but like, now you're like, but then this year you're pulling away, pulling her away and you sneak away for a cocktail.

Like, what's going on with that?

Because you have flashback within the flashback.

It's basically inception, guys, of Tamara pulling Shannon away.

And Norweg's be like, let's get a quick drink, you know?

So Tamara's like, so Gina, it's what you're saying is that you don't think that she's better?

She's an alcoholic.

She fell off the wagon and then things fell on top of her because she's so stupid and old and she can't read well.

She's like, no, I just kind of like see a creeping calling of me.

So, which of course is all the ammo that Tamara now needs to be like, Gina said, you're an alcoholic later in the episode yeah because that's basically what she's doing she's like oh she's supposed to be back oh i can't see the old shannon there was never a new shannon why is everybody pretending like there was some old shan there's some old shannon and some new shannon shannon didn't stop drinking this she came out of the car crash and asked for a drink like the police records probably show shannon ordering a bloody mary in that

she never stopped and archie bringing it to her archie like a little one of those dog butlers like a little bit of tie like you're a cocktail hole.

Did you have to bring your girlfriend to the jail to visit me, Archie?

He's like, oh, sorry.

You had to bring this little stuffed bear.

I love this girl.

I love her.

Say Temecula.

Say Temecula.

Archie, Temecula.

So now we see Emily picking up Gretchen and she's like, Gretchen, why do you have heels on?

She's like, I am so over workout clothes.

So then we see Gina, she's getting

into Tamara's truck with Jen.

She's like, oh my God, like, why am I doing this?

I'm like the least fit one here.

We're shenanigans.

It's just going on, Shannon now.

This is like the season of annoying nicknames.

Shenanigans and my grudgers.

Let's talk about grudgers.

Let's all actually, let's talk about this is that

this is the time old tradition that we only see once in a while when cast members scare off a member of the cast.

And then now that they're gone, they have to pretend like, actually, we're so fun.

Look that she's gone.

We are so fun.

We make up nicknames for each other.

See America?

Isn't it better now?

It's like, yeah, just a nice, fun, light, real housewives of Orange County.

We started calling Shannon shenanigans.

We are so hilarious.

What a great group of gals we are.

So Shannon's bringing two suitcases.

Shannon, this is 24 hours.

How much did I bring?

She's like, well, one suitcase is full of pants.

I just brought a lot of pants.

So, bed pans, specifically.

Oh my God, this house is so nice.

They have pans.

Come on, Shannon.

I'm sure there's pants there.

I was like, well, I'll just say, I'm just going to put my stuff into the back.

Just where I am with Archie these days.

So then

she shows off her flippers missing.

She's missing her flippers.

So she shows her missing teeth.

And Jen's like, wow, she's so proud of that.

That's weird, Shannon.

Stop showing us your gums.

How like sipping like that.

Ew, girls.

That's disgusting.

I like to be like that stupid, toothless, stupid lady.

I just got him a book called How to Be a Toothless Miserable Cow.

How's she gonna chew that card without the shoes missing?

Thank you, Janet.

Like, how's she gonna get it?

She doesn't even know the little teeth.

Like, what's going on with all?

Yeah.

Then in the other car, God, because Emily and Gretchen are so fun, Emily pulls out some Fireball.

Oh my God, I love

a wacky scene with Fireball, the beverage,

the liqueur.

That was all the rage in 2010.

So Emily's like, look what we got.

Fireball.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to bring sweet tea vodka too.

What more white trash drinks can we get?

Heather's going to love it.

Yeah, she's going to be so annoyed with us.

I know.

So then we see shots of rodeo drive and then heather's penthouse and she has brought in a sleepover consultant named maya um because that's a thing i guess and they she set up like three twin beds with canopies over them i'm like why is there mosquito netting what's happening it's like the poison old diabetes

yeah it's like it's it's so formal and so uninviting as like a like a sleepover supposed to be cozy and fun in your jammies and and they're supposed to be like you know it's like cute and you'd go like it's like in the den or something there's carpeting and there's like pillows and instead of there's like in like a stark wood like like hardwood floor room with like big windows and high ceilings like here it is big echoey sleepover time

With the canopy beds and then there's all these jars that she's having them put candy and she's got all these employees running all over the place.

Sounds nice.

Yeah, jars of candy.

You need a TV and you all need to watch tv and watch music videos late into the night or something like that that's a sleepover yeah

so um they've even got mega stuffed oreos and heather's like that is disgusting to love it to love it

so

Then back in the car with the girls driving to Temecula, Shannon's like, oh, so you have a few vines in your backyard.

So I mean,

I mean, look at that.

There's some vines.

Hey, they've got their own vines how many bottles of wine does that make i mean what's the point it's a lot of work

nothing what are you talking about

what you hear the tribe most alcoholic alcoholic wants to know how many bottles of wine the wine the grapevines are you gonna grow some grapevines huh they'll grow up some grapevines john's like well you just you looked at me you started laughing what's that about she's well just deep thoughts by Shannon.

I mean, what else are you thinking about?

So then they may do this whole funny thing where Shannon is saying, well, my dad once had an avocado mountain and and he bought like a whole mountain and planted avocado trees and he was going to build houses and didn't work out so well I don't think I actually never saw the mountain or the avocados maybe he just maybe I just heard it wrong I have an avocado

of avocados he bought like three of them I love grandma

well he had a mountain out he had an avocado mountain well I mean it was a mountain that he put avocados on yeah I don't think it worked they kept rolling down They just kept rolling down.

No one could find the avocados.

Then we found out they were rolling to the other side of the hill.

My grandfather started a war on that little town.

Just get us avocados back.

There's no more towns.

There's no more mountains.

My grandfather basically is a mass murderer over avocados.

So it was fun.

Gosh.

Still don't order my father guacamole.

It's been a rough time.

I've decided to fact-check Shannon on this story.

And by fact-check, I mean I Googled it and Google AI gave me an answer, which who knows.

But I said, do avocados grow on mountains?

And it says, yes, avocados can grow on mountains in specific conditions, particularly in tropical and subtropical highland areas like Michojuan, Mexico, and parts of Chile, where they benefit from suitable altitudes, rainfall, and cold air drainage that prevents frost damage.

However, mountains are not universally ideal as high deserts and areas with extreme cold, such as the high mountains in southern California, are generally not suitable due to the harsh conditions.

So it's a lie, Shannon.

Your father lied to you.

Unless he had some sort of avocado mountain in Mexico or Chile.

I'm going to go ahead and do that.

Well, she said it didn't work out so well.

So maybe that's why he didn't, he didn't, he didn't have the benefit back then of Google AI or whatever.

So he doesn't know.

Poor guy.

Got you.

Imagine.

Imagine what that must have been like for him.

And now he's like, well, god damn it.

All I had to do was look it up on the internet in the first place.

Geez, you know how many encyclopedias I went through?

I'm telling you, I failed at my avocado mountain.

I failed at it.

I'm telling you, you, Gene the Machine came back from the store with about 12 avocados.

He's like, well, honey, look at this.

I've got, look at all these avocados.

I've got a mountain of avocados right here, but unfortunately, they all are too soft.

It's just not going to work out so well.

Oh, well.

Little baby Shannon just heard that my daddy has a mountain of avocados somewhere.

We are rich.

I have an avocado tree.

Never one avocado has fallen off of there that's edible.

They're all like wood inside, which is really weird.

And I think the other day I was standing out there waiting for Bueller to do his business, and I think a squirrel threw an avocado at me.

Do you think that that's possible or something?

Is that the bobcat?

The squirrel's like, There's a bobcat coming.

Look out.

Maybe, but I was standing there and I heard a squirrel rustling out there.

And I looked up at the squirrel and then an avocado came flying at me and it was like half eaten, like they were eating into it.

And I was like, Did you just throw your half-eaten avocado at me?

Like, what the fuck, bro?

Squirrel's like, I said dance.

Avocado mount my ass.

Dance, queen.

The first rule of living in Los Angeles.

Well, there's many first rules, but I will say today's first rule of living in Los Angeles is if someone ever says, you know, we have an avocado tree in our backyard.

Here's an avocado.

Just know you'll never be able to eat it because it's always rock hard and it never ripens.

And then, and like, it's rock hard, rock hard, rock hard.

And then it's just bad.

And there's never a window where it's good.

And there's so many people that I've met over the years who are like, we have an avocado tree in the backyard.

Here's an avocado.

It's always the worst avocado you've had in your life.

If they offer you a lemon, the lemons

are still killed.

The lemons are out of control good.

There's always lemons, but if it's an avocado, just throw it out.

Yeah.

It's just a buffet for all the farm animals.

I think that's why all the animals around keep coming over because there's avocados and stuff to eat.

Cause I just find

half-eaten little wood avocados everywhere.

Oh, poor things.

Okay.

So anybody, anyway, they're making fun of Shannon because she's Looney Tunes.

So then at Heather's penthouse, Emily and Gretchen arrive and

Gretchen's brought a huge suitcase and Heather's like, oh my God, Gretchen, that is the biggest suitcase.

It's one night, right?

We told them one night.

Okay.

Please go through the metal detectors.

You're going to have to go on the way out.

I'm not worried about weapons.

I'm just worried.

I just want to make sure that you're only coming with cheap things and you're only leaving with cheap things.

Not my things.

Okay.

The candy is edible on the premises.

You're not allowed to take it home, which is why I put little metal dots inside each little candy piece to make sure none of them are stolen.

Emily!

Also, there will be no re-entry.

So please make sure, keep your stub, but this phrase that has only one use.

So she's like, welcome to my home.

And of course, it's like overly, overly,

whatever the word is, overly built up this.

this sleepover in a way that's totally unappealing.

Because again, I do believe there should be, your sleepover should be in the the realm of soft couches and big, big pillows, and there should be a TV.

So she's like, this is Nate.

He is a sleepover butler.

This is Emily and Gretchen.

Nate, Nathaniel, would you please give the poors

a piece of Oreo caviar?

Thank you so much.

God, I'd love a sleepover.

I just need to know where I can get, Nate.

He's like, I'm available.

Yeah, you're very handsome.

Oh, sorry.

I'm not on this trip.

You're very handsome, Nate.

Sorry, sometimes I have a Gina button that I press if I ever want to feel a little richer.

Look, here's one.

Ding-dong, can I have a dollar?

Ding-dong, can I have a dollar?

Travis has big balls.

Travis has big balls.

Here's one.

I feel bad.

She likes to say that after she spends an extra dollar on toppings for pizza.

I feel bad.

I feel bad.

I feel bad.

So then at the other house, house, they're looking at rooms and Tamara's like, oh, the equality is house bunk bed, but we're not gonna look like a queen sleeping in the bunk bed.

Like Shannon, Shannon, you should get the main primary man because you're so main and so primary.

Everybody loves you, Shannon.

Hey, Shannon, sleep with my best friend.

Just gals.

Me and you.

You need to get all biogs and then we need to like get ready for wine tasting.

And then so they're all getting settled in.

And then Tarama's like, oh my God, where's the Princess of Temecula now?

Okay, where's Shannon?

The Princess of Mecca with the crazy boobs and the crazy hair.

What a cow, am I, right?

It's in the book.

It's in the book.

She should read it.

I'm trying to do everything I can to make Shannon feel comfortable.

Like doing this, hi, Shannon, and brushing the hair a little bit,

moving the hair out of brass and stuff.

Look at it really deeply like this.

Hi, Shannon.

Shannon's like, I I don't need the primary.

This is why

I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.

Take it, Shannon.

Look at your main primary bedroom, which has access from three different doorways.

Hope you sleep better than that, Shannon.

You can see the corn maze just at the window.

You're not scared of corn mazes, are you?

Well, I am.

I do believe killers.

I live in the corn maze, but that's okay.

I love a tomecular corn maze.

So then Shannon is like unpacking her second bag, which has all her pots and pans.

And I want to make fun of her, but I have been known to bring a few pots and pans to an Airbnb before.

I'm not going to lie.

But this was crazy because she also had like loose dry spaghetti in her bag.

She's like, oh, well,

I guess some of this whole wheat, gluten-free, non-pasta pasta has spilled out.

It was crazy.

She was pulling out like Mackenzie's child serving platters and shit.

That was that she did not need to bring.

Super.

Special weird to have.

It's like, well, I need my immersion blender.

What's an immersion blender?

I don't even know what that is.

Do you immerse yourself in a blender?

That doesn't sound safe.

Shannon, I'm worried.

I told you.

Is that the stick propeller thing that my son used to make a roly-poly smoothie?

Yes, that's exactly right.

So then

they're just like laughing because she brought like an egg bite.

She made like an egg bite maker and all the stuff.

Like actually like, like, I think like bringing a cast iron skillet or a Dutch oven is fine, but this was too much.

Too much for you, Shannon.

But she's being wacky.

Like, it's a wacky thing.

Like, look what I brought.

I'm fun, Shannon.

Isn't this crazy?

Oh, my God.

You're so cases.

Like, when I go through my kids' bed pants, like, what's in here?

Like, I don't even know.

It's like something sticky.

Oh, well, something spilled.

Okay, well, great.

I spilled.

I've spilled on the immersion blender.

What will I do?

Everyone, let's go back to Beverly Hills.

Come sit down, everyone.

Come sit down in this temporarily comfortable room over here.

Oh.

Wait a second.

Is this considered the living room?

Well, there's a bigger living room for the real friends, you know, people who own vineyards and such, but this is where I have the poor sit.

I hope you like it.

This is like the kitchen family room.

There's another family room, but you're not family.

So you're going to be here.

Um, okay.

Would you like snacks?

Snacks, anybody?

I love snacks.

I love them.

I know.

That's why I have them here.

So this is my first sleepover party that I've ever had.

Am I doing well?

Is this what we do?

We don't sleep, do we?

I don't sleep.

Now, please hold out your hands.

I'm going to give you three vouchers, which are good for, each one is good for one-third of a snack.

And you just give it to Nathaniel and he will redeem it for you.

And once you're out of the vouchers, unfortunately, after that, there will be no more snacking.

So please use them wisely.

Okay.

Mecha Stephorios to the right.

Gretchen's so dumb.

She goes, wow, look at this view.

What is that?

A bird?

What was that?

And then Heather has the most Heather response.

Oh, no.

This is too high for a bird, I think.

No, no, no.

Uh-uh.

No birds up here.

Mike, I think the birds can get up there.

Yeah.

I'm pretty sure they hang on.

We have a security guard on the 32nd floor that stops all the birds.

Too high for birds.

Security clearance.

Birds generally don't have professions, so they're not allowed to fly to this floor.

We have a separate entrance for the birds.

Call them Alfredo birds.

Well, we had a good drive.

We analyzed Tamara.

Yeah, we did psychoanalyst

analysis.

So then we go to a flashback where Emily is saying, I wouldn't say Tamara's a good girl.

Like, she seems like a girl who would always hang out with dudes, you know?

Like, even even with a photo with Jen, like she brought that up because she feels insecure with her relationship with Jen, but that's an insecurity issue with yourself.

Oh my God, get alive.

What is your insecurity that you're sitting here talking about these other people?

You have nothing to say that's not about the people that aren't there.

Boring.

By the way, Heather, have you even talked to other girls in Temecula?

Do we know if they're having a good time?

Hold on.

Let me call.

I can't imagine they're having a very good time being at that low-level bird region house that they're in.

They're probably being attacked by birds as we speak.

Those are ground-level people.

It's a ground-level vacation.

And, you know,

it's really terrible considering how lacking in aspiration those birds are.

They're not even going above a second floor.

I mean, at least the ones that come here are trying for something.

I mean, can you imagine being attacked by birds that settle in a place called Temecula?

You know, I see so many, so many Blue Jays who just want a better life, who try to fly up to Drake's apartment.

They just can't quite reach it, and they just sort of exhaust themselves and fall down the street like a wooden avocado being thrown at a man in the hills.

But everything should be fine.

Jen and Tam are fresh.

They're starting on a fresh walkstep relationship thing.

And Emily's like, well, I might have ruined it.

Oh, no.

What did you do, Emily?

Well, I saw Jen and she seemed upset about the fatty photo again.

So, you know, I said, remember the fatty photo?

That was hilarious.

And then Jen got upset.

So.

So then we see a flashback to two days ago where Jen and Emily are sitting outside and Jen is like, no, I don't know if it's a fat photo of me.

I just, I just really don't know.

Well, you didn't ask to see the photo, but you resolved the argument.

We've got to open this one right back up again, okay?

Innocence projects excuse are coming into play.

Jen's like, okay, well, I've never been or been able, I've never really been able to have the conversation with her.

Well, we'll fix that.

So then we go back to the president and Emily's like, well, she still doesn't know what Tamara's intent was, but bringing it up.

And Tamara showed you that photo, right?

Because Gina calls it the fatty photo.

Is it a fatty photo?

Well, I think she was just showing me the picture to be like, this is what she looked like before.

Now she looks more like me.

She was fat and disgusting and hideous before.

Shouldn't have been out in public before.

Was an embarrassment to the community before.

JC Pennedy would be like, don't come into our store.

And now she's like hot and thin and absolutely stunning.

I think that's it.

Nothing too major.

But I love, I love them going like, wow, she still doesn't know what Tamara's intent was.

You don't?

She was calling you fat.

And

by the way, the intent.

She was saying that

who even likes her?

She used to be fat.

That's what she, that was the intent.

Why, why are we reading so deeply into this?

Yeah.

And of course, we look at the photo and like, it's like, we're going to put some air quotes around the fat when we see that photo, right?

Because he is not fat.

That is a totally normal, beautiful woman.

Like, that's crazy.

I mean, her top could have used him how it's not a great top.

But she was a beautiful woman.

They're so crazy on this show.

So now Gretchen, Gretchen is like, well, Heather's admitted that she's scared of Tiamra.

So now she's going to make excuses for Tiamra doing this thing.

And she's just going to litigate it.

Like I said, litigate.

I was impressed.

I was.

she's like, oh, she's going to litigate and adjudicate and all these things.

I was like, oh, it's like, but when it comes to Tamara, it's all fine.

It's all good.

Just look the other way.

So then Gretchen is like, I mean, I think it'd be interesting if like Jen brings it up when she's down there on that trip.

Cause then like, wouldn't that be cool, right?

And Emma's like, yeah, I bet you will, because it sounds like a band-aid over an open wound that's going to open up again and again and again.

Well, if the band-aid opens, it'll only open if you gained weight typically, which hopefully she won't do because this is all solved now.

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

See you over there, suckers.

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