#3004 RHOC S19E11 Part One: Safety in Slumbers

Speaker 1 Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Speaker 1 Here's your invitation to have it all. Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.
Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field.

Speaker 1 Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Speaker 1 Moss and Rebecca Yaros, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Speaker 1 Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash crappins. That's audible.com slash crappins.

Speaker 1 You already know we love virgin voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.
We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Speaker 1 Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.
And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

Speaker 1 No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean. The destinations are amazing, too.
Some highlights are Ruba, St.

Speaker 1 Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, the Med. Oh my God, the boats are beautiful.
They're so modern. The rooms are just so luxurious.

Speaker 1 I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies. And I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.
That makes me so happy.

Speaker 1 Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages. Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Speaker 1 The holidays are coming fast and they're coming hard. And you know what? It's time for some last-minute gifts.
It's time for home preparations. And we don't need to be stressed about it.

Speaker 1 We can embrace it and we can have fun with it that's why we use wayfair okay you can get it done properly you can get it done quickly i'm gonna get a whole bunch of new bedding because i'm gonna have some guests over the holiday and it's time to upgrade the bedding and wayfair which i never really even looked at wayfair for bedding but it has gorgeous comfy bedding i just got a beautiful soft feathery blanket you know for cuddling up and on the bed you know the blanket that you put between the bed sheet and the bed spread

Speaker 1 delicious Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals and gift list with endless inspiration for every space and budget.

Speaker 1 Fast and easy delivery, even on the big stuff, so you can get what you need when you need it. No more huge delivery fees for furniture.

Speaker 1 Get big stuff like sofas, dining tables, beds, desks, and more shipped for free. Find all your must-haves from furniture and decor to appliances and cookware all in one convenient place.

Speaker 1 Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.
That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com.

Speaker 1 Wayfair, every style, every home.

Speaker 1 Watch what crap is, watch what craft is. Who cares? What happens with this? So much with crappiness.

Speaker 1 What happens with this?

Speaker 1 Hello, and welcome to Watch More Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today, it's Ronnie Carom.
Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

Speaker 1 Well, hello. How's it going, you little Benini Toons?

Speaker 1 It's going quite well. Thanks.
Going quite well. Just here to talk some Real Housewives of Orange County.
On Monday, we have Crappy Hour.

Speaker 1 That's going to be at 5.30 on the West Coast and 8.30 on the East Coast. So come join us.
That's on YouTube. It's also simulcast on Instagram.
And we talk about Bravo headlines.

Speaker 1 And at the end, we bring some of you up to chat, etc. It's always fun.
We do it every other Monday. So come join us for that.

Speaker 1 And then we, of course, have our glorious Patreon, which includes a bonus episode every week. This week, we did a trailer on a future Bravo flop wipe swap.

Speaker 1 And we also,

Speaker 1 let's be honest, let's be honest we're gonna watch but let's be honest and then um i mean i mean i'm sorry i shouldn't say that it is starring emily simpson so i know that will get everyone's attention and everyone's gonna tune in for that everyone's gonna drop what they're doing

Speaker 1 but we did have a lot of fun with the trailer we actually had a lot of fun with the trailer and then we also have crap it's on demand where you can watch us not just listen uh you get videos and uh those videos do wind up eventually on our youtube channel so go check us out there so that's all the great news that's that's we we have to start with Andes Friday.

Speaker 1 And Ronnie, how are you doing today? How are you feeling? I'm feeling great. I cut one of my toenails too short because, I don't know, my toe doesn't know where my toenail ends and my toe begins.

Speaker 1 So it's rough, but otherwise, great. Everything's wonderful in my world.
How's it going with you? It's good. My voice feels a little scratchy today.

Speaker 1 It feels a little like, you know, when you have to sort of put out a little extra air to get the sound out? That's where I'm at. It's almost like, it's like, I feel like I've been like,

Speaker 1 I don't know,

Speaker 1 gone through a car wash or something. I guess we were talking about that the other, earlier this month.

Speaker 1 It could be the air beneath your trachea today. Please help me.
I'll just help you any way I can.

Speaker 1 I'm just drinking this iced coffee and hoping it like gets things flowing. So we are here to talk Orange County and where we left off.

Speaker 1 The cast had split up. and gone on dual vacations.

Speaker 1 Some people had the misfortune of going down to Temecula with Tamara and others had the other misfortune of going up to Heather's ice-cold clinical slumber party in Beverly Hills.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Elsa's castle in Beverly Hills.

Speaker 1 So that's that was last week and

Speaker 1 the episode ended, of course, with

Speaker 1 Shannon and Tamara arguing and Shannon immediately being like, but Gina was the one who said she was worried about the drinking shannon. All right, whoops.
Yeah. Whoops.
And Gina's like, whoa.

Speaker 1 So that's where we start. And Gina's like, but, you know, I worry about you.

Speaker 1 You know, you have to understand, like, for me, like, just because I do care about you and I, like, know the place you've been in as a drunk alcoholic, you know, I don't want to see you go back to, you know,

Speaker 1 whatever this face is that you're making right now. Shannon's just like sob face, like, ugh.

Speaker 1 All episode, Shannon just has these little pink eyes. Her eyes are half closed, like she's been sobbing.
Her hair is all over the place.

Speaker 1 She's like, I cannot believe people are suggesting I have a problem.

Speaker 1 And the best part is that

Speaker 1 they're sitting at this dinner table that has this kind of like,

Speaker 1 it's like it's not really a centerpiece, but there's like a floral arrangement in front of it. There's like branches and stuff.
And Shannon has grabbed like a small twig with like little buds on it.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you noticed it. And she was holding it in her hand.
She, I don't think she realized. It was like a fidget spinner for her.
And she was like shaking it.

Speaker 1 And so as she, every time she talked, this little branch was trembling right in front of of her. And she was like, wow, um, trembling branch.

Speaker 1 It was so, it was like the perfect prop for Shannon, a little trembling twig. And she's like, oh, well, okay, I'm never, I'm never going to go back, Gina.

Speaker 1 I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm not going to go. I appreciate the words.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but to be fair, like what this all was was born out of something that I didn't like that you did, Tamara. And Tim's like,

Speaker 1 but you can't turn up me, bitch. You can't do that.
And she's like, yeah, because you like shat on her all of last year. And now you're taking her away for sneaky drinks.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, that was a good,

Speaker 1 that was pretty good, Gina. Like, I like the way that you did the twist on Tamara there.
Well, yeah, people are used to Tamara's game now, you know?

Speaker 1 She was like, okay, Tamara, you were trying to turn that on me, but that was me yelling at you. Tamara's like, yeah, but then what did I say? And I said, no, I totally get what you're saying.

Speaker 1 And then you also understood where I came from, remember?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then you came and tried to throw her under the bus to Shannon and get her in trouble, Tamara. My God.
And Tamara has the funniest little flashback.

Speaker 1 She's like, no, I wasn't trying to take her away to have a drink. I just felt so happy that me and Shannon made up.

Speaker 1 And I know that that's her love language, going to have a cocktail, you know, getting drunk, crashing into things. Like, I was like, that's her love language.
Like, that's.

Speaker 1 You're so shady. Like, oh, her love language is falling off the wagon.
So, look, I got us, I got us one of those pads that gymnasts use and I put it next to an actual wagon.

Speaker 1 And I set up a keg on the wagon. And we just got up there and did some stands.

Speaker 1 Her love language is acts of bar service. It's cocktail service.
That's a love language. I was just trying to love her because we're transferring it in.
She's so pretty.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I don't know if you know it, but her language only has two letters in it. Actually, really, only one letter, A.
Just said twice.

Speaker 1 Well, I am. I'm making decisions on what's best for me.
And sometimes what's best for me is a bottle of kettle one in my purse. Okay, so

Speaker 1 and last year was very traumatic for me because I was in a hole I didn't think I could crawl out of. And I'm still processing the hole.
I cannot stop thinking about the hole.

Speaker 1 There was a literal hole in my lawn and I fell into it and I was like, help, help.

Speaker 1 And it took three days for someone to walk by and say, oh, there's a woman in a hole. So it was a lot for me to go through.
Anyway, oh God, I'm trembling.

Speaker 1 let me just ask you a question out of control i'm sorry what were you saying ben what'd you say ben i said her little twig was like shaking like crazy her twig

Speaker 1 go back and watch you will see her holding that little twig it's the funniest thing

Speaker 1 Let me just ask you, Shannon, what I need to do to make things better for what I need to do, Shannon. All I want to do is make things better.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to call you an alcoholic in about five minutes. You've got five minutes.
Go ahead, Shannon.

Speaker 1 And Shannon's like, you know, I just, I need time. I need time.
Time.

Speaker 1 i need time like i i i appreciate the the kind nice gestures and i have i have laughed a lot today and i think that's great and i hope that that's enough because all that's all i can do right now tamara i just i just need time how about some kettle one bitch well

Speaker 1 i will accept that too we're great goose yes amigos

Speaker 1 is time a brand of vodka

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what? It's like you're both doing the best you can right now. And I think that's yeah.

Speaker 1 They're literally neither one of them is doing the best they can right now shannon's a maniac she's got some issues let's just say and she's starting to scream for no reason at this point she'll she's just sitting at dinner being like you know what tamara and then you've got tamara over there pretending to be nice for five seconds and then immediately falling back and that stupid alcoholic

Speaker 1 in about two minutes now we've got two minutes left speaking of time yeah seriously well i appreciate everything that you've done and i'm grateful and i I thank you, Tamara. I really, I really do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And as much as this conversation is difficult, I really appreciate it, bitch.
And I feel like that's what real friends do, is actually talk about things, especially when they're alcoholics.

Speaker 1 And we talk about that. And I know that it's probably not, you know,

Speaker 1 that I probably have never done that before because, you know, I've been on defense, you know, because you're an alcoholic and I have to put myself against the wall black and alcoholic's attacking me.

Speaker 1 And I apologize. How has Tamra been on the defense? She's been on the offense.
That's what the argument is about. She came for Shannon all year last year.
She wasn't on the defense.

Speaker 1 I just hope we can go back to house and have some shenanigans.

Speaker 1 Shenanikins. Shenanikins.
You know, I thought we got to talk about it. Shenanikans.
Because it's fun to listen to you talk about things because you list while you do and that kind of slur.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you smell like alcohol and stuff.

Speaker 1 I bet if we lit a match in front of Shannon's mouth

Speaker 1 while she was talking about stuff, she'd look like a dragon.

Speaker 1 Somebody took off.

Speaker 1 This doesn't feel like a service.

Speaker 1 Question: Am I allowed to bring my twig back to the house? It's sort of sort of like a service twig.

Speaker 1 It's helping with my anxiety. Please let me bring my twig back.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Tamara throws a napkin at her face, and Shannon's like, Who threw a napkin? And Jen says, I just, you know what? I just got triggered. Did you mean twiggered? Look at Shannon.

Speaker 1 Shannon is twiggered right now. Shannon's like, How

Speaker 1 snapped him in my face. Twig, twig.
Twig, twig, twig.

Speaker 1 So now we go back up to Crustacean Beverly Hills where the women are still eating dinner. And Heather's like, that was delicious.

Speaker 1 So good. I was like, Heather, you didn't eat a single bite.
We all know.

Speaker 1 The way that we had that, what was it again?

Speaker 1 Crab.

Speaker 1 Delicious.

Speaker 1 Yo, I mean, it was pretty good for stuff that came out of someone's vagina.

Speaker 1 So Heather goes, okay, ladies, we have places to go. There's paparazzi waiting for us.

Speaker 1 Because now I know them by name.

Speaker 1 Remember, remember that totally coincidental time when we ran into the paparazzo earlier today? And then we see a flashback to that lady being like,

Speaker 1 I know for a fact that that other paparazzi had no idea you'd be at Disneyland.

Speaker 1 As part of the paparazzi network, we all know each other. And I know for a fact it was spoken of in our community very deeply.
Heather had nothing to do with any paparazzi being called.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you know, one thing that the paparazzi love to do is drive all the way down to Disneyland and spend like $150 to walk around on spec, hoping they see a celebrity.

Speaker 1 It was her assistant.

Speaker 1 And Shane's like, no, it wasn't that either. Oh my God, what is ringing in my house? Everything is turned off.
Why are things ringing? Ben, I'm telling you. Maybe every ringer is turned off.

Speaker 1 It always goes through. My parents have a way, they have somehow been able to circumnavigate every single control on Apple.
Like, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 I turn everything off and my phone will still ring in the middle of a movie theater. It's my parents be like, we just wanted to call and say hi.
I'm like, how do you always know when I'm in a theater?

Speaker 1 They have an uncanny ability. Also, as long as we're talking about it, when can we like finally

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 when can we make it more authoritative that if you put your phone on silent, it's truly silent? How many times have you put your phone on silent and then you turn on Instagram?

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm on silent. Why is Instagram playing loud right now?

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but it's bizarre. I have everything on Do Not Disturb and still ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, everything starts dinging around me.
And it wasn't doing this, I feel like yesterday.

Speaker 1 Anyway, that no one is here to

Speaker 1 complain about iPhone rings okay but you know what this happening in real time Tamara don't you don't disturb Tamara and she disturbs me so anyway Heather's like my eyes my iOS devices are tamering me they just won't shut up

Speaker 1 anyway I hope you appreciate my feelings about Tamara ladies was I scared of her before

Speaker 1 yes

Speaker 1 because she's mean and I have had many difficult people in my life and it started to tell her a story about my father.

Speaker 1 So we see two weeks ago, Heather's talking with Tamara and she's like, you remind me a little bit about my dad because in public with our family, he would have these outbursts.

Speaker 1 I remind you of your dad. Why? Was he hot? Was he a real hot bitch?

Speaker 1 He had outbursts in public. That's what he would do with the family.
And she's like, I don't have outbursts with my family in public. I was like, please don't be such a literalist, Tamara.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 said me.

Speaker 1 So now Heather comes back and is like, so she blew it off. And she never came back to it and hadn't asked me about it since.
Sort of like Jayla Armstrong with her acting career. So Gretchen's like,

Speaker 1 so what was the situation with your name?

Speaker 1 So then Heather's like, thank you for asking.

Speaker 1 I will tell you right now.

Speaker 1 Shane, cue the music.

Speaker 1 My dad dad died a few years ago, and there's unresolved things. We've gone into it at the groundlings.

Speaker 1 Now, I've blown it off for years, and he would sometimes act in a certain way that you know would be very uncomfortable for me and my sisters in public. You know, uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 He would have an explosion, whether we were at a restaurant or on vacation, and it was embarrassing, and it was disturbing, and it was

Speaker 1 upsetting.

Speaker 1 I'm like, get in line, Heather de Brow. Whose dad has

Speaker 1 you should see my dad at a restaurant.

Speaker 1 I was just going to say, you want to compare it, you want to compare traumas to Ben's, Ben hanging out with his dad in a restaurant? Oh my God. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 Heather de Brow is from Chappaqua, New York. And I remember once going.

Speaker 1 to a sushi restaurant with my parents in Chappaqua, New York, and the waiter, like with the like the waitress was just not coming around at all and my dad was convinced that the waitress had seen him and was ignoring him and so he started fuming

Speaker 1 fuming and then eventually he

Speaker 1 he walked up to the sushi bar and he goes and he goes the next thing that comes to our table better be the food or the check.

Speaker 1 And then I had two friends that were there at the restaurant too, and they were looking like terrified. And I was like, no, it's just my dad.

Speaker 1 That was, it was mortifying but then at a certain point you just start to you realize that you have more power in those situations you just go dad stop it no we've both got nightmare parents in restaurants my mom is the queen of um excuse me i've noticed that they all got their food and we were here first so is there something

Speaker 1 she's that's her thing like she's a little bit someone's always ahead of her in the restaurant game she's like they like them better why would their food come i said mom waiters don't sit in the back and they're like you know what the lady at table table tends a bitch serve the other ones first let's just see if we can she goes but it happens every time and then and this does happen to her all the time everyone else gets their food and they either forget hers or hers just takes like an extra five to ten minutes to come out and i said i think it's what you're putting out into the world this is what you're doing like you're literally like creatively visualizing failure on food delivery you know well to be fair sometimes my dad does definitely have like a right to lose his mind because one time we went to a restaurant and we had put in our drink order and it had been 25 minutes and our like lemonades still had not arrived so the waitress came back and my dad was like like where's our where's our lemonades

Speaker 1 so she like was like oh my god i'm so sorry so she went back and the owner of the restaurant came out and he came out and he's like you know we're trying to run a restaurant here and he's like have you ever worked in you ever worked in the restaurant before he's like and my dad was like no but i've eaten in many of them like okay well you think i the guy goes

Speaker 1 the guy goes

Speaker 1 he's like, well, you think I,

Speaker 1 you, you think I give a shit about what you have to say? And my dad goes, you think I give a shit about what you have to say? And the guy, then the guy goes, well, guess what?

Speaker 1 And he yells this over the entire room. He goes, guess what? We took a poll and we all voted, and you're our least favorite customers in the restaurant.

Speaker 1 And my dad goes,

Speaker 1 that owner was a dick. So I was like, that was when

Speaker 1 my dad's abilities were used to get a family.

Speaker 1 He used his power for good. That shit's funny.
Yeah. I just feel like Heather, like,

Speaker 1 I mean, I just feel like it's a pretty, I don't know if it's a common thing or not, but I feel like after all these years, Heather's like, oh, I finally have a family trauma for television.

Speaker 1 My dad would lose his mind in a restaurant once in a while.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just Heather trauma, you know, I'm sure it's traumatic for her, but to everyone else with any kind of parental trauma, it's like, really? That's it?

Speaker 1 It's like, is there an ellipses at the end of this? Because I need more. I need more than my dad's a dick in the restaurant.
Like, get in line.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. So, but I love Tamara's.
It's like, I've never been mean to my family in a restaurant. What's she talking about?

Speaker 1 I can't possibly be like a dad.

Speaker 1 I'm a girl. He's a boy.
So this is ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Well, you can't put expectations on someone that can't reach the expectation, which is why I try and force-feed my child sweet potatoes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't put expectations on someone that can't reach the expectation, which is why I complain about my mom every single season of this show.

Speaker 1 So Emily tells us it's difficult for Tamara to have real friendships because she feels compelled to argue or be combative. You know what, Emily?

Speaker 1 I don't know where you got that law degree, but god damn it, you're smart. I mean, that is some deep thinking.

Speaker 1 It's tough for Tamara to have real friendships because she's combative. You think?

Speaker 1 You think? Yeah. Wow.
And then she's like, she's like, yeah, I always think, like, she's like, oh, I think, I think she's always thinking in terms of strategizing.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's always like some kind of chess game, which is why I always have her side.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you hear the words you're saying about this person who you blindly follow episode after episode and defend.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, yeah, she's manipulative and combative and she's playing chess with you all the time. And I'm really scared of her.
So I'm going going to do whatever she fucking wants to.

Speaker 1 So Heather's like, and maybe that's why I give her allowances.

Speaker 1 You give her allowance? No, not allowance. I still give Gina allowance.
Okay. But I give Tamra allowances.
You give her more allowance than you give her more allowance than you give Gina?

Speaker 1 That's not fair.

Speaker 1 However, I just realized, like, do you know this is like part of the psychology around like what we're talking about. Like congrats.
Yes, thank you Gretchen.

Speaker 1 Thank you for connecting the dots that were connected about 10 minutes ago. Wait a second.
I just realized that your feelings about your dad connect directly to your feelings in the Emerald.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, you did it, Gretchen. You really did it.

Speaker 1 It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.

Speaker 1 Cold mornings holiday plans. This is when I need my wardrobe to just work.
That's why I'm all about Quince. Quince makes the essentials every guy needs.

Speaker 1 Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50, Italian wool coats that look and feel designer, and denim and chinos that fit just right. Their outerwear lineup is no joke.

Speaker 1 Down jackets, wool topcoats, and leather styles that are built to last.

Speaker 1 Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production.

Speaker 1 By cutting out the middlemen and traditional markups, Quince delivers the same quality as luxury brands at a fraction of the price.

Speaker 1 It's everything you actually actually want to wear built to hold up season after season. And you know, in Los Angeles, it doesn't get very cold here, but it can get a little chilly.

Speaker 1 And I have my beautiful Mongolian cashmere sweater from Quince, and it has been perfect for these chilly evenings.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think we keep saying Mongolian cashmere so much when we're talking about Quince that that's what I went for too.

Speaker 1 I got a Mongolian cashmere hoodie, like a camel-colored hoodie, and it's comfortable and it is

Speaker 1 gorgeous.

Speaker 1 Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait.
Go to quince.com slash crappins for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Speaker 1 That's q-u-in-ce-e.com slash crappins. Free shipping and 365-day returns.
Quince.com slash crappins.

Speaker 1 You know that feeling when you come home late from work and those puppy dog eyes just pierce right through your soul? Or when you're packing for a trip and your cat refuses to leave your suitcase?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we've all been there. Pet parent guilt is real.
And you know what? It's completely normal. That's exactly why Hill's Pet Nutrition exists.

Speaker 1 They understand that being a pet parent means being human, with all our imperfections and daily juggling acts. Hill's science-led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible.

Speaker 1 Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance attention between multiple pets, Hill's Pet Nutrition gets it.

Speaker 1 They've created science-based nutrition that supports your pet's lifelong health so you can feel confident even when life gets hectic. Because you're only human, there's hills.
Science does more.

Speaker 1 Ready to let go of the guilt? Find the right food at hillspet.com slash crappins. That's hillspet.com slash crappins.

Speaker 1 Yes, and maybe I parent the way I do because of this, because I've created my family the way I have because you can't control where you come from, but you can control who your children hang out with.

Speaker 1 You can't control where you come from but you can control your servants that's why they have a separate doorbell you can teach your children to control a maid

Speaker 1 you can't control where you're from but you can control your proximity to drake a rapper

Speaker 1 I love the fact that Heather's opening up and I don't feel like I get to see a lot of that from Heather. She should share more because it would help people understand her better.

Speaker 1 Okay, Gretchen. So, um, they're done, and uh,

Speaker 1 okay, Gretchen.

Speaker 1 Okay, Gretchen, thank you. That's just such a ding-bot.

Speaker 1 So, um, Heather has decided since this is girls' night and we're doing fun girl things together as women who are girls, we're gonna go to the abbey. This is where homosexuals go to have a good time.

Speaker 1 Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Gretchen's like, no, no, stop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's go, as real girlfriends do. Let's go to the Abbey at 7 p.m.
on a Tuesday and have a rollicking good time.

Speaker 1 They really hit the Abbey at that time where there's no one there. I went there this week around that time.
My cousin was in town. We were just going to like have a drink.

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, the Abbey's good at this time because it's quiet and you can just sit outside and chat. It's like a nice place to chat.
But it was like early and they're blasting.

Speaker 1 I mean, the music was like pumping the cars, you know, it was so loud and there was nobody in there and there was just a line of strippers standing there so bored, like just kind of pinching their dicks.

Speaker 1 Like, come on, make an effort. Like they were trying to make them work and they're just like yawning.

Speaker 1 I was like, nobody wants to see a bunch of yawning strippers in an empty place with music pumping our brains at you guys.

Speaker 1 We need to like strippers violins or something during happy hour, you know, and then they can slowly,

Speaker 1 yeah, they can slowly get crazier throughout the night or something. But yeah, so they chose to go at this time.
There's like two people in there. I know.

Speaker 1 And look, we all get it, you know, bars

Speaker 1 are empty at the beginning and then they fill up. But it was just funny because the women went, clearly, it was like seven o'clock.
Like we could, you could look in the shots.

Speaker 1 You could see there was no one there. And they were trying to frame it in a way like, no, this is like, it's party time.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But it was just one of these like really sad things where they were pretending like they were having this crazy wild party, but it just like it's it's like when they shoot like a lunch scene at a restaurant coolie at like 4 p.m.

Speaker 1 And there's no one in the restaurant. Like, yeah, that's not what's going on here.
The Abbey should have dragged in people because it made it look sad. It looked really sad in there.

Speaker 1 It looked desolate. It's like, this is what's, this is how far the Abbey has fallen.
Now it's Gretchen, Emily, and Heather DeBruaux hanging out at the Abbey.

Speaker 1 It's like, is this supposed to be a commercial for the Abbey? I don't think it's, it's not giving what you think it's giving.

Speaker 1 Who would have thought that three gay icons, Heather DeBrux, Emily Simpson, and Gretchen Rossi, wouldn't have just brought in throngs of gays? Shocking.

Speaker 1 But before they even get there,

Speaker 1 you know, because they're like, let's go dance. And Emily's like, wait a second.
I think I've got some fireball. And she empties out her purse, like,

Speaker 1 on the table. And I'm just like, again, it's like what I said last week.
I can't stand this. Like, when Emily is like,

Speaker 1 like, being like, I'm in a fancy restaurant, so I'm going to act like a, I'm going to act act silly now, like a kid. I'm like, oh, God, just

Speaker 1 so tacky. Why are you spilling it? And then she has like a grummy bear that she's like putting in her mouth.
And I'm like, just yeah, it's like, look, I've got gummy worms.

Speaker 1 I have enough for all of us. They fell out of my purse.
Isn't that insane? I keep,

Speaker 1 I keep gummy worms in my purse. We get it, Emily.
You're a woman who carries calories in her purse. You're just fucking hilarious.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So then over in Temecula, the other women come back to their rental and Tamara's like, we got to change the mood.

Speaker 1 So they are going to like, they're just like being silly and humping around and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Just like, what was that song? Ain't nobody humping around. Is that Bobby Brown? Anyway, Tamara is like, oh my God, look, Rogina, I can't even imagine you being honey.

Speaker 1 Gina's like, yeah, I'm like a very much a different person in the bedroom because like, you know, we know that song, you know, where they say, I'm a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed.

Speaker 1 My freak version is going like this. Oh,

Speaker 1 oh, do me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like in the bedroom, I say things like I would only see in the bedroom. Like, live, love, love.

Speaker 1 She's just like reading all of her word art.

Speaker 1 She's like, kitchen,

Speaker 1 toaster, big.

Speaker 1 She puts on panties that has like the gather font, but it just says vagina.

Speaker 1 or maybe it just says gather gather yeah it still just says gather

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 and uh it's like yeah i'm like real private and tamara says you're not like a public fucker and tams like public what a

Speaker 1 what what is a public fucker

Speaker 1 what's a learner what

Speaker 1 yeah she's a private fucker i'm like what what do i know what a public fucker is no no

Speaker 1 They're just like hanging around. They're just being silly.
You know, they're going to go in the hot tub and everything.

Speaker 1 And Tamara is doing a whole spiel about how since Shannon doesn't want to wear a bathing suit, she got them all t-shirts

Speaker 1 that have like bikinis drawn on them that they're going to wear instead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Tamara. You know what? Shannon feels to care about being in the bikini.
So I got five XL cotton shirts with a bikini drawn on the front of them.

Speaker 1 And we're going to make make Shannon go to the pool with his shirt on. It's going to be hilarious.
It's such a light-hearted thing to do to an insecure person.

Speaker 1 Okay, Gina, here's yours. This is size XL.
Here's mine, size XL, and here's your Shannon, size AA. Okay, get put it on.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, so she's like, you know, I just want to be funny and quirky, like Shannon is. I'm just trying to be funny and quirky, like Shannon.

Speaker 1 Okay, come on. We're going to have fun, goddammit.

Speaker 1 So they go to change and get wacky. By the way, there is no chemistry with that crew.
They look like they're having a miserable time.

Speaker 1 Jen, Emma, I mean, none of them are having a good time in Termacula. It's hard to watch.
You know, it's hard. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then up at the Abbey, now these ladies arrive. And I'll tell you, I mean, nothing says, woohoo, let's go to the Abbey like Gretchen's hair.
Like,

Speaker 1 Gretchen, Gretchen put on the perfect hair for the Abbey.

Speaker 1 This 1960. She looks like the mom from the Wonder Years.
So she's like, we're going to the Abbey.

Speaker 1 Maybe I should do my Nancy Grace

Speaker 1 outfit.

Speaker 1 I'm going to wear my Nancy Grace hair.

Speaker 1 It's exactly right.

Speaker 1 So they're, and Emily's like, oh, whoa, Gretchen, what time will you be performing? And then we have a flashback to Gretchen performing with the Pussycat dolls in 2013.

Speaker 1 Ah, times have changed. So they're like that the strippers are writhing on them and it's all very exciting.
One of those strippers, I used to go to the gym.

Speaker 1 One of those strippers used to go to my gym and he always looked so cute. I had no idea he was a stripper at the Abbey.
I was like, wow, the hot guy from the gym. Good for him.
He really made it.

Speaker 1 Well, the Abbey is all in good fun. This isn't like Tamara's Bachelorette with people putting wieners in your ears.

Speaker 1 Okay, when Gretchen hired those strippers and they were exposing their donkey meat with the Cochrane and ear fucking girls. Okay, it's not that.

Speaker 1 We see a flashback of Heather fabricing the strippers.

Speaker 1 But to be fair, she just thought that they were butlers. This is what I do with all the servants.

Speaker 1 That was the trip that ruined Tamara and Gretchen's relationship because they had spent the whole season like, we're friends now. Aren't we friends? Let's wake up.

Speaker 1 And the whole season, they were like, yeah, we're friends now. We're such good friends.
And then at the bachelorette party, Gretchen planned all this stuff for Tamara and this trip.

Speaker 1 And then Tamara didn't even invite her out to party, and she got really upset. I forgot about that.
It ruined her. She went out with like Vicki,

Speaker 1 yeah, Vicky, and yeah, they went out and got wasted after. And Tamara's like, or Gretchen's like, you couldn't even invite me.
I planned this whole party for you. And you went on partying without me.

Speaker 1 I thought we were friends. Like, that's your tough slat.
You stupid, stupid slat. Why is it so mad at me? I don't get it.

Speaker 1 So, uh, emily is now dancing on the table the strippers are strippering and um and gretchen's like like wow i feel like emily's not getting enough at home i mean she's like riding that cowboy i'm like well wouldn't you if the the option is this like muscle clad man or shane

Speaker 1 gretchen once again really like wow it's almost like she's married to rumble still skin wow

Speaker 1 so now they dance and they take turns on the polls and Gretchen reminds us that she's an experienced pole dancer. Okay.

Speaker 1 As a matter of fact, in my 20s, I kicked a couple strippers off the stage and took their position. I was in New Orleans.
That was the old good days. That was the old good days.

Speaker 1 I love Gretchen English. Yeah, the old good days.
And Emily's like,

Speaker 1 I like Gretschers when she drinks a little bit. Okay.
She's like, oh, different Gretschers. Listen, I've fucking had enough of Gretschers.
I've had enough.

Speaker 1 Can we just normalize not saying the word Gretschers?

Speaker 1 I don't think there's a more annoying word this year. Gretschers.
Gretschers.

Speaker 1 It's also like I hate a nickname that doesn't actually speed things up. It's just as fast to say Gretschers.

Speaker 1 And it actually involves a little bit more sound because you have to add an S to it. It's actually, you wind up saying Gretschers.

Speaker 1 You say, it doesn't make it faster to say Gretchen by calling her Gretchers. That makes that I actually have no problem with Gretschers, to be honest.

Speaker 1 I'm not, I wish I could, yes, and you like Heather at the the Groundlings, but I, I, I don't know. I can't stand the word fucking Gretscher's.
It's making me crazy.

Speaker 1 Stop trying to make Gretcher's happen. I can't take it.
It bugs me.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's irrational. I guess it's irrational, but it really, really bugs me.

Speaker 1 So the irony that it was Gretchen Wiener who tried to make Fetch happen, and now it's Gretschers that is trying to be made to be happening. Yes.
Now I'm speaking Gretchen language. So Emily is like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I like, you know, I like Gretchen's once you drink a little bit. It's like a whole different Gretscher's.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, well, drunk Gretchers, I like Gretchen's, drunk Gretcher's overpraying Gretschers.

Speaker 1 And then it cuts to like this footage of Gretchen, like, like doing some video for Instagram in her car with the kid in the background being like, and just remember, Jesus loves you. God bless.

Speaker 1 Should we FaceTime Shane?

Speaker 1 Why? That no one ever in the history of ever. Why would TD? Why would he do that? Why? Even Tim Cook is like, okay, we're going to shut down Apple.

Speaker 1 We will make sure that

Speaker 1 every notification gets to Ronnie Haram, but we are not going to

Speaker 1 allow any excessive FaceTime. Yeah.
And now we think you're going to love it, guys. New surprise.
The iPhones are now refusing to show Shane on FaceTime. It's like, thank you.
I will buy that phone.

Speaker 1 I will buy that. Charge me whatever you need to.
I don't even care about your new chip. Okay.
Yeah. This, this would be a good use of AI,

Speaker 1 just interceptive call.

Speaker 1 So she calls, and there's Keller and Luke and all them. And Shane is like saying, he's like, yeah, I got a plane simulator for Luke's iPad.

Speaker 1 Even though it's difficult, and I think about what's going on at home, I mean, Luke is now flying planes, and I'm missing all of it.

Speaker 1 As moms, we do need to step away and understand that bodies can be tall, hard, and beautiful beautiful once in a while.

Speaker 1 Um, so back in the car, uh, she hangs up with Shane, and it was it was a riveting call. And um, Heather's like, you know what, we should have done karaoke,

Speaker 1 that's what we should have done.

Speaker 1 And Gretcher's is like, um, can we find the karaoke place? Do you think they'll play my song? Wait, I forgot that you had a song. Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 I forget.

Speaker 1 But now that you remind me, my head is absolutely pounding. Alfredo, do you have an Advil?

Speaker 1 It's, you know, sometimes I forget that you have a song also. So was your song also written by Richard Marks the way mine was? No.
Oh, who wrote your song? Hmm, I'm not familiar.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Multi-Grammy Award winner Richard Marks sang my song that we sang on TV and that two podcasters like to sing by themselves quite often to this day.

Speaker 1 I do whatever I want,

Speaker 1 whatever I want to

Speaker 1 do.

Speaker 1 I know we should get Gretchen to fill in for Dr. Jen's part on that song because Dr.
Jen, I mean, talk about a temp track. Like, that woman should not be on any on any single,

Speaker 1 like, whatever that song plays, and they get to Dr. Jen's line, she's like, I do my own thing, and I do what I want.
I'm like, oh, God,

Speaker 1 Dr. Jen.

Speaker 1 So, Gretchen tells them she doesn't only have a song. She has four songs.
And we see a flashback to 2012. Gretchen singing in the studio.
You'll never break me, break me, break me down.

Speaker 1 You'll never get me to pay his child support. I'm not gonna do it.
I'm not gonna do it. You say child support.
I say mom support. Stop saying child support.

Speaker 1 You'll never break me, break me, break me, break me down. That's actually a song dedicated to her Aquanette hair.

Speaker 1 That thing is not going to break.

Speaker 1 We need Gretchen and Sheena to do a duet. As long as they're besties, they should be dueting together.
I mean, I did not realize that.

Speaker 1 that the Gretchen Rossi songbook had already reached, had quadrupled in size since we last saw it.

Speaker 1 But I had forgotten that she had a song, but we should have remembered because wasn't didn't that song play during her engagement with Slade on top of the building, their fake engagement?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I remember that one.

Speaker 1 You're gonna get engaged to me.

Speaker 1 I'm not writing checks to your ex. Well, that rhymed.
A great song, Gretchen.

Speaker 1 The song is called Oh, That Rhymed.

Speaker 1 Emily.

Speaker 1 Oh, That Rhymed by Gretchen Rossi.

Speaker 1 Oh, that rhymed.

Speaker 1 Does Tamara know that? Because if Tamara knew that you had four songs, I feel like she'd play them. I'm going to text her.

Speaker 1 So Gretchen goes, yeah, well, Tamara tried to be a singer. However, I have the audio of her trying to sing in the studio, and it's like not very good.

Speaker 1 Now, I just want to say the exact quote. I have the audio of her because, of course, I'm always going to continue to re-litigate the Katie case.
This is going to go in by the end of the episode.

Speaker 1 The file of Gretchen is a fucking liar. Yeah.
Continues to lie and change her stories all the time. compulsively, along with her husband.

Speaker 1 Still lying, still lying over there. Let's, let's just not call Gretchen out again.
That'll be fun. That's a fun plot twist.

Speaker 1 And when she says to her, tried to sing her and be a singer, but she's not good. Okay, Celine.

Speaker 1 You're Gretchen.

Speaker 1 Are you really judging anybody else's track?

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I can't wait to hear more about this when we go see your residency in Las Vegas, Gretchen Rossi. So Heather's like, now I need to hear this.
Oh, that's hilarious. And Gretchen's like, no,

Speaker 1 find it. Find it right now.
No.

Speaker 1 You must find it. Do you want to sleep in a canopy bed tonight or not? Hit the song.

Speaker 1 When did Tamara go to a studio? When she banged beep.

Speaker 1 And so apparently, Tamara fucked this producer of this music. And Heather's like, um, personally, I do not know this singer.

Speaker 1 Is it

Speaker 1 Sparry Manilow?

Speaker 1 If it's not Drake, unfortunately, I'm just not up on who it could possibly be. Sorry.

Speaker 1 I am looking close to property next door to the weekend.

Speaker 1 Is that who you're talking about?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I don't know then.

Speaker 1 Is it the kid LaRoy? It's like, no.

Speaker 1 So Emily is like, she's like, well, I'm Gen X, so of course I know who it is.

Speaker 1 So that's like the apple. Like, who is it?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Is it the lead singer of Candlebox?

Speaker 1 Maybe it's

Speaker 1 Silver Chair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Silver Chair.

Speaker 1 Oh, we know that's

Speaker 1 the lead singer of Silver Chair. He's Sean, Sean, Sean Ingawai.
Daniel Australia. Nilben.

Speaker 1 So curious. Wait, wait, I'm curious.
Who do you like? Who do you think it might be? Who do you think, Tamra? What Gen X famous singer might Tamra have banged?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but wouldn't it be a producer? So I guess they're saying she was banging a singer, went to the studio to see this singer, and then recorded something in the studio.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I can't. I'm going to say.
I have no guesses. I don't know anybody, really.
Amy Grant. I mean.

Speaker 1 It was a lesbian moment with Amy Grant. I'm going to say one of the Nelsons, one of the Nelson brothers.

Speaker 1 But weren't they going to see the... Oh, okay.
Would that make sense?

Speaker 1 Weren't the Nelson brothers before our time?

Speaker 1 Well, they were like their song was like 1990. That's like, that's, that's right in the heart of Janet.
Oh, you mean, you mean Nelson?

Speaker 1 Yo, not like Willie Nelson. I mean, like, Nelson, like, I can't live without your love and affection.
You mean like,

Speaker 1 no, that's Hanson. That's Hanson.
Oh, my God. If it was Hanson, that would be mortifying.
She

Speaker 1 had sex with some 16-year-olds. It's like, okay, that's, that's, I guess I would have been really young and then, so that's awkward.
Okay. So who's Nelson?

Speaker 1 Nelson, they the two brothers, the long blonde hair, and their dad was um a famous singer, they're both Nepo babies, and like they're like it's connected to that whole like Carney Wilson mamas and papas world or whatever.

Speaker 1 But Nelson, um, they

Speaker 1 they have they had like a moment in like 1990, 1991, and they had a song that says, I can't live without your love and affection,

Speaker 1 I can't live another day on my own, no, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I can't live without your...

Speaker 1 It's actually an amazing song. And they have a lot of surprised they didn't last, honestly.

Speaker 1 Well, the last I heard of them was when I went to Disney World in 2010 and I went to Epcot and I was drinking around the world.

Speaker 1 And when I got to the America part of drinking around the world there, I had a Bud Light with my friend Michelle and they have a little stage.

Speaker 1 We went to stage and Nelson took the stage and they had cut off their hair. Their hair was short and

Speaker 1 they were singing all their dad songs. And then at the end they said, okay, and now this is a song that I think you guys may have heard of.

Speaker 1 And it was like, I can't live without your love and affection. I can't live another day on my own.
People laugh.

Speaker 1 They're like, I'm not going to sit here and listen to this short-haired bullshit. I'm out of here.
Honestly, when they had that long hair, it was really fun. You should look up a picture of them.

Speaker 1 They were like Targaryens. They're like two singing Targaryens.

Speaker 1 I've got them in my head.

Speaker 2 Ladies, is everyone trying to fix their health concerns with unproven gummies and tricks? Well, thank goodness, lolbido has a real clinically proven treatment.

Speaker 2 Lolbido can be so frustrating, but there is a treatment called Addi, A-D-D-Y-I.

Speaker 2 Addy is the first and only FDA-approved pill proven to boost sexual desire in certain premenopausal women. Isn't that great?

Speaker 2 A clinically proven option for your low libido that comes from a doctor, not a gas station. Learn more at Addy.com and take charge of your sexual health with a treatment that's backed by science.

Speaker 2 Remember, that's Addy. A-D-D-YI.com.

Speaker 2 Addy, or flavansarin, is for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner.

Speaker 2 The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or a medicine or other drug use.

Speaker 2 Addy is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance.

Speaker 2 Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addi dose.

Speaker 2 Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addi at bedtime.

Speaker 2 Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over-the-counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems.

Speaker 2 Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addy, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addi.

Speaker 2 Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur.

Speaker 2 Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth.

Speaker 2 See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning at Addi.com/slash PI or call 844-PinkPill.

Speaker 1 Addy.

Speaker 2 That's Addie. A-D-D-YI.com.

Speaker 1 So, Gretchen,

Speaker 1 Ricky Nelson, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, that makes sense. He was a big squeeze.

Speaker 1 Someone's going to be like, it was Ricky Nelson. Ricky Nelson was your father.
Ricky Nelson is their father.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, Tamara fucked somebody, probably Nelson. And Heather's like,

Speaker 1 okay, I'm sorry. I don't want to belabor this point.
If you knew who Nelson was, I think you would really co-sign. Like, it would make total sense if Tamara tried to fuck one of the Nelson brothers.

Speaker 1 Like it just, if you knew what the Nelson brothers look like, you'd be like,

Speaker 1 I'm looking at them right now. Okay, here's what came up.
Nelson Mandela, Willie Nelson. That's not, yeah.

Speaker 1 Lord Nelson and Nelson. Here they are.
They both look like

Speaker 1 Gretchen.

Speaker 1 They both actually look like Kristen Takeman.

Speaker 1 Here,

Speaker 1 I'll put it up on the screen so people can see who are watching watching on demand. Because this is, this is,

Speaker 1 I have a Nels, I have a Nelson one as well. Let's see what, yep, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Right. Basically, it's actually like Lori Waring and Vicky.
It's actually very close to Lori Waring and Vicki. Yeah.
I'm not even joking. Like, the one on the left is Vicky.

Speaker 1 The one on the right is Lori Waring. This is like, you know, this is.
Do you think they've made out? I think they've made out. Yeah.
There. I said it.

Speaker 1 No, with each other. Okay.
So let's remove this

Speaker 1 now short-haired bullshit from my screen.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's why

Speaker 1 once they cut their hair, they lost a lot of appeal, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's biblical. It's what happened to Samson.

Speaker 1 He was very strong. He was like the strongest man in the world.
And then his girlfriend,

Speaker 1 Delilah, cut his hair. And then he couldn't fight anybody.
And I think he got killed. Did he get killed? Probably.
Because that's what happened to people with long hair. who cut their hair.

Speaker 1 You know what? I stand by Delilah. She's like, you know what? If you can't fight with short hair, hair then you could never fight in the first place

Speaker 1 let's get this together delilah for the win

Speaker 1 so heather is like was tamara married when she had sex with nelson and gretchen's like

Speaker 1 she just shrugs and she says oh that would be bad oh god this is ancient history who cares who cares if

Speaker 1 tamara cheated on her guy except that tamara's a total hypocrite of course and was coming for gretchen that whole time for cheating so yeah i guess it would matter 13 years ago But he also, and by the way, and note, note how willing and able

Speaker 1 and unbothered Gretchen is by casually just dropping an allegation against Tamara. Now, I'm not offended by the allegation.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying that when they raked Katie over their coals and Gretchen's saying, I would never say that. I never said that.

Speaker 1 And then here she is just happily just throwing out an allegation that could be harmful to Tamra. And please don't, this is not a Tamara defense.
This is more of a like, hey, Gretchen moment for me.

Speaker 1 Just notice, everyone. Just notice.

Speaker 1 That would have been during the Simon years, right?

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 There never was a break in between Simon and Eddie, which is oh, that's true. So it was one of them.
Well, okay. So

Speaker 1 now they go back to Heather's penthouse, and Heather's like, oh,

Speaker 1 Alfredo Nate is here. Hello.
Hello, Butler. And he's like, hey.
And

Speaker 1 Emily's like, hey, Nate, did you ever work at the Abbey? He's like,

Speaker 1 no, I have not worked it. Would you do it? You should do it, Nate.
Take it off, Nate. Hey, Nate, I've got a gummy worm in my purse.
Ah, ah.

Speaker 1 Nate's like, I did audition to be in Downton Abbey.

Speaker 1 the final chapter, but that didn't work out for me. That's why I'm still dressed like this.

Speaker 1 it is so special that you guys are sleeping over so i wanted to make it cute the theme is tent city let's go in

Speaker 1 i just wanted to have a nice cozy sleepover that involves a full spread a buffet a butler who stares at us and canopy beds that are actually just doubles that are way too small for any of us all right

Speaker 1 you might notice that i put mosquito netting over the bed i did this so your pore doesn't leak onto me during the night. Hope nobody minds.
Okay, jump in. Isn't this fun?

Speaker 1 We're girls with beds with lights on them.

Speaker 1 Only Heather would say, Come over for a fun girls' night sleepover and then arrange the room like an orphanage

Speaker 1 with mosquito netting. It's a hard knock life for you.
It's a hard knock life. Get out of my house.
Get out of my house.

Speaker 1 Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'm cleaning this place place down tomorrow with disinfectant. Get out of my house.

Speaker 1 Oh, so they jump on the beds. They're like, oh my God, this is so great.
And Emily tells us, Annabelle had a sleepover for her 12th birthday. And they laid on the couch and watch a movie name popcorn.

Speaker 1 But I go to Heather's house and I have a custom bed and twinkle lights and candy and a butler. Oh, I feel like a shitty mom.

Speaker 1 Well, one thing doesn't have to do with another.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 yeah, you're not a shitty mom because you didn't, you're you're not the one thing. I will say to Emily's credit, sounds like she actually put on the better sleepover of the two, if you ask me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because Heather ain't serving carbs at hers, that's for sure. Well, she does have candy, which I guess are carbs, but she has all the fat-free candy, you know? She's like, only

Speaker 1 gummy type things. There will be no chocolate.

Speaker 1 I, oh, I brought my favorite candy because it's what I, it's how I describe the cash in my savings. Good and plenty.
Good and plenty.

Speaker 1 Cost of Heather's sleepover, $15,000.

Speaker 1 Okay, you're just

Speaker 1 there. Are people that are starving, ma'am? Okay,

Speaker 1 you did not need to put mosquito netting with lights over Gretchen for Christ's sake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, get a few air mattresses and put them down. Let them sleep in your sexy time penthouse.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 You're wealthy enough that you should have a big enough sofa that you guys should have all been able to sleep like a, like everyone else had to sleep over, which is like a few kids on the floor and one kid on the sofa.

Speaker 1 Like that's how it goes. She should have had like servants come out and hold them to sleep.
You know what I mean? Just like be human beds.

Speaker 1 Just they all have to stand there all night with their arms kind of out.

Speaker 1 Like just I think the poor lady servants just get on their hands and knees. They line up next to each other and they like, then someone just sleeps across them.
Yeah, that's good. That's good.

Speaker 1 Could you move your spine over a little bit alfredo okay perfect perfect thank you

Speaker 1 so um they all have monogrammed pajamas etc they love it so in temecula it's time for swim shoot swim swimsuit shirts

Speaker 1 i feel like they've got t-shirts yes they've got wacky wacky shower caps wacky swim caps to wear with flowers on them and jen comes into shannon to check on her and shannon's like oh i'm just so tired first of all your your cap is on backwards come on come on Jen.

Speaker 1 I'm trying here with you, Jen. Shannon's like, it is.
I'm so sorry. How can you tell? And it's like, well, it's because my mother wear, my grandmother used to wear these all the time.

Speaker 1 And I'm not saying that I'm one to wear

Speaker 1 a synchronized swimming turban all the time, but

Speaker 1 I do wear these actually when the cameras aren't rolling. So, okay, turn it around.
Turn it around.

Speaker 1 Right here, this is the Dew Brow joint that I brought. Okay, I brought a Dubro joint.
joint, and this is like a vacation situation, and Heather's marijuana is like the vouv of marijuana, okay?

Speaker 1 And like, you don't need to save, you need to save that for a special occasion.

Speaker 1 It's like an emergency joint, and we're busting it out.

Speaker 1 Tell me you are banking on Heather's real estate contacts without telling me that you're banking on Heather's real estate contacts.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, Heather DeBrow has the best weed in all of Southern California. Okay.

Speaker 1 You can sell your two-bedroom house to my, my, my maid. Enjoy.

Speaker 1 This is my friend Gina.

Speaker 1 She's the leader in the market of servants' quarters. So if anybody needs something, Gina, you sold a 5,000 square foot maid's home.
God, good for you. She's so talented.
I bought her that jacket.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. Shut up.
You won't get allowance.

Speaker 1 So Tamara is like... Gina, did I do okay? Did I do okay? Gina's like, uh,

Speaker 1 actually, honestly, I'm like proud of you for, like, like, I feel like you did a good job of, like, taking ownership of stuff and, like, also communicating the way that you feel.

Speaker 1 When did Tamara do any of that? I didn't, Tamara was just doing the Tamara bullshit, you know?

Speaker 1 Tamara's like, yeah, well, you know what? I'm not a fucking walk in the park, okay? Oh, really? I would never have gone so.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So now Gina's like, you know, I do think Tamara wants to change, but like, she's been in therapy for like 10 minutes. And like, you got to give people space for ghouls.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And that's how, just, that's just how my accent is today. Space for ghouls.
I don't know why I'm talking like that, but I am. Spings for ghoul.

Speaker 1 What is she pronouncing her words like that? Does she even have an accent?

Speaker 1 Because she's starting to remind me of Brittany from like the Valley Vanderpump rules who came home with Lil Lil and now is all of a sudden like, oh, wait until the Star Wars going.

Speaker 1 Like, where is this coming from? You guys stop playing. I know.
So then Jen's checking in on Shannon and she's like, are you okay after dinner? No, I'm just wondering.

Speaker 1 And Shannon's like, oh, well, you know, it's just a little exhausting. I mean, it was a lot of shaking of that twig, so my arm is just a little tired right now.

Speaker 1 Jen's like, well, you know, you know what Gina told me? Gina just said, I don't care. I'm sorry.
Gina just said, I care about Tamara.

Speaker 1 I've known her a long time, but I don't get into my deep, dark secrets with Tamara because that's what you do with your best friends.

Speaker 1 You hold them at arm's length and don't share anything with them, and then you announce how close you are with them. That's just what she does.

Speaker 1 Like, wow, it sounds like you're chosen a really great friend if you can't even say anything to them without. fear that they're going to regurgitate it and use it against you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Jen's like, yeah, her cycle's never going to stop.

Speaker 1 That's just just who she is uh but let's have some fun um spoiler alert they don't ever this is miserable this trip is miserable shannon's miserable shannon really is the big downer on this trip like whatever she thinks about tamara she's still being extremely tiring on television it's like come on perk up perk up

Speaker 1 so now they decide to go have fun and then back at

Speaker 1 heather's hent house heather's penthouse um gretchen and emily are now in Heather's room, I guess, trying on her clothes and throwing her Femi boxes around and

Speaker 1 putting on fur coats. Yeah, I didn't know what was going on in this situation.

Speaker 1 This was definitely like the movie that did come out like in 1991, where like the poor children get like brought into like the rich family and then they start like raiding the evil stepmom's closet and like putting on coats and like oversized hats and heels.

Speaker 1 And it's silly. And then she comes in and yells at them and they hatch a plan to like throw eggs at her and make her life torture.

Speaker 1 You know, that it just I was like, that sounds really good, actually. What's that movie?

Speaker 1 It's,

Speaker 1 it's called The Gretchen Trap.

Speaker 1 I'm really into orphan movies. When I was a kid, my dream was that I was adopted and my real parents were out there somewhere.
And I love that movie, Annie.

Speaker 1 And I lived on the second, my bedroom was on the second story. And so I used to open my window and I used to sit on the windowsill and just sing out to the street, maybe

Speaker 1 far away.

Speaker 1 or maybe i would sing songs from annie like i was an orphan to the whole street i was like 10.

Speaker 1 ah

Speaker 1 the orphan genre just love it

Speaker 1 wasn't wasn't there that movie the journey of the of naddie gan

Speaker 1 i remember wasn't it like a girl who was like orphaned who was just trying to find something like was that the girl who ran away and like put all of her stuff in a bindle and then met like the the uh the the gangsters on the train tracks or whatever was that what that was?

Speaker 1 I think so. Something like that.
No, that was seeking Savannah or searching for Savannah or something like that. Oh, God, those were so good.

Speaker 1 And my mom was like, get in your room or you're going to be grounded. And I was like, no, I'm adopted.
I'm going to find my real parents. And she's like, Ronnie, look at your toes.

Speaker 1 You've got webbed feet. You're ours.

Speaker 1 Because the Lebanese side,

Speaker 1 we all have webbed toes.

Speaker 1 And she's like, just look at their feet. Your dream is dead.

Speaker 1 I hate to break it to you, but your parents are alive. Now, get in the car.
We're going to the restaurant to make a scene.

Speaker 1 Get in the car. We're going to Hoffy Labs so I can be served last.

Speaker 1 If I were an orphan.

Speaker 1 I got to have a dream. Okay, so we're back at the penthouse and they're doing like pillow fights and stuff.

Speaker 1 And Gretchen's just wasted rolling around in Heather's furs and saying, I need this coat in my life. I feel like I'm fabulous.
Oh my gosh, this is what it would

Speaker 1 be like to be a billionaire.

Speaker 1 And then Ben Mandelker walks in the room. I'm sorry, I meant Heather DeBrux with a look of disgust on her face.
And she's like, what? Gretschers?

Speaker 1 What is wrong with you? Note how I used Gretschers, which shows that I am fun and relatable because I use your nickname, which doesn't even make sense.

Speaker 1 Oh, everything is fine, Heather. Everything is fine.

Speaker 1 Heather is like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if you realize this, but I sanction off a small part of my apartment to have silly fun times, and this is not in the silly fun time zone.

Speaker 1 I do have to insist that we leave here and resume all pillowfighting. in the living room slash orphanage.
Thank you for that. Alfredo is leading out the other Alfredo in handcuffs.

Speaker 1 He's like, what did I do? This is what you get for letting them pass the rope.

Speaker 1 You have one job. One job.
Actually, two jobs if you include bringing silverware to Nobel.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess we're not making the human bed tonight. We're down in Alfredo.
All right, everybody. Let's come back to the lighthearted room.

Speaker 1 I feel like I got in trouble with mom.

Speaker 1 You did, actually.

Speaker 1 You feel that way because you did.

Speaker 1 It's fine. The pillows are fine.
Everything is going to be fine.

Speaker 1 Oh, good. We are back in the zone of fun.
Hey, does anybody want pizza? Pizza, it's a round dough thing with cheese and tomato sauce.

Speaker 1 I once used a slice of it to show I was relatable in New York when I dropped some of it on my knee. It was hilarious.
Look, I found a whole box of it in my kitchen. Come have some.

Speaker 1 Would anybody like to have the most light-hearted meal on the planet? Pizza. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 How fun is this? Wow.

Speaker 1 So Emily is like, oh, I need a value.

Speaker 1 Hey, Nate, you ever work at the Abbey? I'm just going to ask you one more time just to remind you. He's like, I have not.

Speaker 1 So they eat.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 now the grilling begins. Emily's like, so let's, Heather goes, let's talk shit about people.
Okay, Gretchen, I'm still intrigued by this,

Speaker 1 by this song of Tambras. Was it a pop song? She's like, I don't freaking remember.
What the heck am I supposed to know about it? I don't know nothing. You can't do nothing to me.

Speaker 1 Gretchen's all wasted. She's like, what are you talking about? I need some pizza.
You better call 911 and give me some pizza.

Speaker 1 Why do you have her singing, first and foremost? Oh, because somebody sent it to Slade.

Speaker 1 So you just kept it? Well, I mean, Heather, yes, of course you keep something like that. What are you going to delete it?

Speaker 1 Come on. of course you keep it of course you keep it as tamara singing singing a nelson song i can't give it

Speaker 1 love and affection to me do me right now let's laugh love yeah baby

Speaker 1 she was really ahead of her time if she was singing that in 1991 oh yeah

Speaker 1 uh and gretchen's like because someone sent it to slate that's why um so you kept it no they sent it to him and he just had it wait a minute why does slate have it does he have an archive ask him for the song i just want to hear the song oh you guys are gonna get me in trouble i want to hear it too come on let's jam to it gretchers

Speaker 1 go get your phone graduates i'm like pulling off my skin on the other side of the tv i'm like please stop saying gratchers

Speaker 1 It's so funny, Gretscher's. It's just like one millimeter away from just being Gretchen.
Just

Speaker 1 down a little bit. So Emily's like, oh,

Speaker 1 so Gretchen says, yeah, this is not good. This could be like really bad.
Oh, my God. I know, I don't want to show it.
They want to show it, you guys. Then World War IX is about to happen, guys.

Speaker 1 World War.

Speaker 1 I honestly believe that Gretchen does not know how many World Wars there have been. World War IX is about to happen.

Speaker 1 So back and down.

Speaker 1 Shanna's like, look, I can stand the crackers and synchronize screaming. Like, oh my God, Shanna said scrimming.

Speaker 1 What is, oh, she's putting together a snack tray, I see. Yeah, she meant to say swimming.

Speaker 1 And she sort of lays out the, she lays out the crackers with a flourish because it's like synchronized swimming. And Tamara's like, we should take a picture.

Speaker 1 And Jen tells us, okay, see, this is the stuff I love. This is a girl's trip.
You know, putting crackers on a tray. That's what we live for, those moments.

Speaker 1 And Tamara's got fun, you know, ups, you know, ups for episodes, stuff for us, stuff for us to go swimming in. And when I get back, I'm going to think about what our friend was like before all this.

Speaker 1 And, you know, Tamara and I had fun, and Tamara's a good time, you know. And Tamara is there, like, taking photos.

Speaker 1 And then Gina does this whole bit about how Shannon's like the madam of the synchronized swim team.

Speaker 1 And they do like this whole bit of like Shannon being a synchronized swimmer and it's like silliness into Mecula. Yeah, they're having a crazy time.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

Speaker 1 See you over there, suckers.

Speaker 1 Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.
It's the Foster and the Furious.

Speaker 1 It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.
Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the the right foot with Chrissy Offitt.
She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchells.

Speaker 1 We never miss her call. It's Diane Call.
Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis. Hava Nagila Weber.

Speaker 1 You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, Hugo, we all go for Hugo.
Jamie, she has no less namie. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.
Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

Speaker 1 She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. K Syrah, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

Speaker 1 Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Speaker 1 Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino.

Speaker 1 Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.
Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg. This is living with Michelle Vivian.

Speaker 1 I love a ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.
She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
Yes, we canna. It's Sedana.
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Speaker 1 Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.
And our super premium sponsors. She's V V I P, it's Amanda V.
Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

Speaker 1 We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.
Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.
Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.

Speaker 1 Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen.
It's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.
Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

Speaker 1 We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.
My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly.
It's Kyle Pod Chadley. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

Speaker 1 G, it's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.
She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani.
The incredible edible Matthew Sisters.

Speaker 1 She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.
There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. Meet, it's Ronit Feldman.
She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

Speaker 1 We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.
Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop.
Let's take off with Tam Laplain.

Speaker 1 It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

Speaker 1 We love you guys.

Speaker 1 If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/slash survey.