#3027 Below Deck Med S10E02 Part 1: I Don’t Think You’re Ready For This Jellyfish

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Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me this morning is the one and only Ronnie Carom.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

Well, hello.

How are you, Benoons?

I'm just great.

It's below deck med day.

Thanks to everyone who joined us on Crappy Hour last night.

We had a real fun time talking about headlines, etc.

I'm still having visions of pizza dough

flying in my eyes because, you know, after we, after we end the audio portion, we bring some of you guys up and one person was making fresh pizza dough.

Well, actually, store-bought, but they were making it on the screen.

And I have been tantalized ever since.

So thank you, everyone, for coming.

I really have been.

I was like telling people last night when I was having, I met up with some friends last night.

I was like, someone was making cheap pizza dough and it's all I can think about.

We had too much fun though.

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But today, we're going to get the full yacht experience because we're going to the med with Captain Sandy and a group of green, green deckhands trying to figure things out.

Ronnie, what did you think about the episode?

You know, this show gets dangerous.

I mean, I get hiring income poops incompetence for entertainment value, but I mean, this shit has to run, right?

I get worried.

I know.

Like, none of them, I mean, at least some, someone on the deck needs to know what's going on.

Like, yes, for real.

For real.

But I like it because we'll get a lot more of the homely normal people you know i shouldn't say homely it's not like they're ugly but like homey you know home homey home just kind of normal people like bowling alley people you know we maybe we'll see them come out a little bit more like i want to know who who the homely people are fucking that's what i want to know there's a show there's a show homely homely maids fucking

i just I just loved that like the bulk of the episode really focused on people being bad at their jobs, not doing their jobs,

being even worse at their jobs.

Like, that's really all I want.

That's all I want.

And it was such.

Yeah, it's just a nice, refreshing return.

I said it last week.

I'm just going to re-emphasize this week after Below Deck.

The last season for me was so rough with really attempting to be like the real world.

I'm just happy that

we just had ineptitude, just professional ineptitude, which is really warping.

That's what I'm looking for.

People are sucking at jobs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's great.

That's the American dream

amongst many non-Americans

on a boat.

So

where we left off was a tremendous bit of slapstick, which is Captain Sandy and Nathan trying to lower a jet ski or maybe a whip.

Or is the whip the tender?

Whatever it is, a jet ski, they're trying to lower the jet ski onto the boat and they can't.

And they knock over this one lamp, not once, but twice and it like we said last week it was so gratifying and I loved seeing it happening all over again at the top of this episode someone brought up on crappy hour last night how inept Captain Sandy was trying to help them with this wave runner and it really is true I mean she's just standing there holding a string like all right you know what go ahead and uh bring it back bring it back okay you know what do it she's she wasn't doing anything it's like a kid just standing there holding a balloon while all mayhem is going off around her she's like all right you know what Nathan, you're not doing it all right.

Just kind of bring it back a little bit.

Have we talked about how Captain Sandy is kind of doing,

what do you call it when you stick your hand up the doll and then you speak for the doll?

What do you call that?

Ventriloquism.

Have we ever talked about how she's kind of doing ventriloquism when she talks?

She's kind of jaw wired shut.

I don't really know what it is.

She's always been like that.

I've always noticed but this one, this episode, I was really noticing it.

And I don't know if it's more because she's gritting her teeth and trying to be positive at the start of the season, you know, because I think by the end of the season, especially watching a season for these

cast members, they're so tormented by people online, like, you are incompetent.

How dare you?

It's like years later, and people are still like, you've screwed over Hannah, you bitch, you know.

And so I think they come on to the new seasons and they really

that's us, yeah.

But you know, imagine imagine he would say those things he would still hold a grudge against i don't know malia

yes you know how people are you know how people on the internet are those people crazy people that can't control their emotions you know how they are uh parasocial relationships etc wouldn't know anything about it but yeah like 10 000 of us screaming at them and so they come on to these seasons and they try and start positive and you can see that captain sandy is really really just doing her best to be positive.

And she's just starting to grit her teeth.

And I think more of her lines are just coming out like this now because she's just ready to throw people overboard, but she doesn't want to be called a bitch online.

So

good luck.

That's probably true.

That's probably true.

Anyway, the Wave Runner, they break the light.

And everyone's watching, by the way.

I thought that was like editing that they did last episode where like Asia's like, oh,

but it turns out they all were watching.

watching, and she's like, Well, that's your evening's entertainment.

They get it down.

Just sitting there

literally just standing on the side, like, look at them go.

I mean, isn't this hilarious?

Watch that.

You should watch them try to get the ropes to the deck.

That's coming up next.

Bunch of morons.

It's so fun.

Just sitting there cracking up.

So Nathan's like, oh, first day.

First time on the crane.

I'm up here smashing knav knob lights.

Soon as we drop anchorman, everything's gone tits up.

Fuck me.

And fuck those tits too.

I certainly will try to later this season.

Well, I hope you don't mind.

I'm just going to stand here and hold this string lightly and watch you fail miserably.

So goodbye, light.

Goodbye, light.

So now it's time for the first course.

And,

you know, we see a piece of paper that Josh has, the chef, has pasted up or taped up in the kitchen.

And he, listen, people who write themselves crazy little notes on post-its are insane.

Every insane person in their house has these little notes.

You know, people who are like, and I've done it before, and I am insane.

People who have those little post-its and then they're like, you're good enough.

Or like, you don't need to eat.

You need to move.

You know, like little positive things you put around your house.

Or I used to have one on the fridge that said, don't.

That's all it said.

And then I don't

was that was that like your refrigerator was like having like was like was like cry crying and like you were coming in for a hug and it was like don't

don't

because you know we have these different parts of our brains and so when i'm hungry i wanted the like rational part of my brain to tell the irrational part of my brain later on in the day don't you know so i would come to the refrigerator and i'd see this post-its note and post-it note and it would say don't and i'd just say fuck off one time i actually wrote a post i was about to say ronnie ronnie did you think that you your note would actually tell your yourself like you would actually listen to your note as soon as you before you even got that part i'd be like i bet you walked up to that to that note and said oh fuck you you don't get to tell me what to do i mean i wrote a dick i drew a dick on it eventually i just drew a big dick on it you know but then i looked at it again and it was like don't dick and i was like well i don't know that i really need to be giving myself that i don't i don't know that i'm getting enough of that as it is, you know?

But yeah, crazy people write themselves notes and put them around.

And Josh does it.

And his say, breathe.

And then he has two that say the same thing, non-attachment, non-attachment.

Exclamation points.

Nothing, nothing really like complements the directive to just breathe.

than like literally yelling at yourself through a note by yelling non-attachment exclamation point.

Non-attachment, non-attachment.

Breathe.

Detach yourself from this experience.

That's how traumatic it is being a chef.

You're just like, just disassociate, disassociate, put yourself in a box.

You're just in a box.

Nothing is happening.

You know, it's like abuse language you have to use with yourself because, you know, that is what it is.

You're putting yourself into an abusive situation.

Non-attachment.

It's not happening.

I'm just a little boy.

I'm just a little boy.

I'm just a little boy.

Poor guy.

Well, he also has another note that says, you are just cooking.

So just cook.

which is,

you know, hopefully that helps.

I feel like, yeah, you're just cooking.

So just so just cook.

Yeah.

But like, I would like to say, you're just cooking.

So just cook well and on time.

Because I feel like you can't, it's not just about cooking.

It's about like making something that's edible.

And, you know, because we've seen a bunch of people just cook and it hasn't always worked out.

Well, and also I just like the positive messages, I don't think help.

I mean, maybe different people, people work differently, you know, but I think messages need to be like, you're a fuck up and nobody likes you.

Don't fuck this up.

You know, something like that.

Or like, don't suck as much as you did yesterday.

Loser.

Yes.

Or I just feel like I would leave.

You know what my note would be?

Remember,

three teaspoons and a tablespoon.

Is that true?

Three teaspoons and a tablespoon.

Yeah.

I thought it was two teaspoons.

God, I just learned something.

No, you've been selling yourself short.

Three teaspoons and a tablespoon, Ben.

And then I'd have the next one say, four tablespoons in a quarter cup, Ben.

And then actually, those are things I remember.

But what I always forget is it's like,

here's, and I hate this, by the way.

I hate this.

Okay.

Two cups in a pint, two pints and a quart, four quarts and a gallon.

Wait, why?

Oh, four quarts.

Yeah, four quarts and a gallon, right?

Or two quarts and a half gallon.

I don't know.

I know the thing.

But here's what I don't like.

Why are we going up by two?

Why are we going to be a gallon?

But like, why are we all of a sudden going to four?

I know it says quart, so it's like a clue, but don't do that to me.

Like, it's either we all, like, why are we starting at three and then going to two

and then two again and then to four?

This is totally unhelpful.

You're right.

It is unhelpful.

This should be unhelpful.

It's unhelpful that America decided that we needed to change the metric system for everything because trying to read recipes and then it's like, okay, 32 grams.

I'm like, what the fuck, man?

I don't even know how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon.

Now you're going to throw grams at me.

Come on.

Do you have a scale?

Do you have a kitchen scale?

No, I hate scales of all kinds.

You should get a kitchen scale.

It's actually a game changer.

I only had one when I used to do Coke.

I got rid of it.

No, the reason why it's a game changer.

It's an attachment to my addiction.

I had to write little post-its like, non-attachment, non-attachment.

Don't scale.

Don't

scale

breathe through your mouth not your nose um

you know a food scale is a game changer and the reason why is because all those recipes that call for grams it's like no longer an issue and the best thing is you don't need to have measuring spoons or whatever you just put your thing on it and then you just take a regular spoon and you like measure stuff out you like add stuff until it reaches the number.

It's like, so you actually wind up doing fewer dishes with a kitchen scale.

Fun fact.

But don't you have to chip the scale off with the

stuff that you're putting on it?

You don't have to wash it between things that you're putting on there.

You're not putting it directly on the scale in my case.

I usually put like a bowl or like whatever you're using.

Like, actually, a cool technique, a cool technique to do is if you're like, if you're, if you're making something and everything has to go into a bowl, you put your bowl next to the scale and you take the thing that you're adding and you put that on the scale and you tear it like T-A-R-E, so it goes to zero.

And then you remove stuff from the container, from the container, Alfredo, and you add it to your bowl.

And as you add it to the bowl, the value on the scale goes negative.

So if you need to add like 32 grams into your bowl, you wait till it hits negative 32, because that means you've taken 32 grams out of your supply.

You put it in the bowl.

And this way, you don't have to worry about making your scale dirty.

And it's, and also, if you like have taken out too much, you can like, before you put it in the bowl, you can like put it back into the supply.

And by this, you don't need tablespoons, you don't need teaspoons, you don't need measuring cups, don't need money, don't need fame, don't need no credit card to play this game.

It's called a kitchen scale, and we're going to the future with it.

Actually, this name, well, that's a game, right?

You know what?

Ah, well, I think we all know what my next note is: Ben, ride this train, not play this game.

Ben, Huey Lewis in the news.

Compassion, compassion.

This is the news.

Huey, you know, we always wondered what Huey Lewis's news is.

The news is a kitchen scale.

He's like, hey, everyone, I find it.

I've got the news for you.

It's use a kitchen scale.

This is the second time Huey Lewis has come into our recaps, by the way, this week.

Huey Lewis is really living.

We have to work him in every single day.

Please.

He's really getting the park overall treatment today.

So these other notes say compassion.

And then the final note says, push yourself.

Push yourself.

Push yourself.

Do you think he's saying?

S-E-L-F.

Push yourself.

Do you think he's saying push yourself?

He's saying push yourself.

Is he doing it in the style of

what's that one song?

That's like in like every car commercial.

It's like sort of Motown-y.

It's like,

I'll go back to Huey Lewis in the news.

I'm sorry.

Push yourself.

I think it's.

Or is he doing it like in a Motown sound or is he doing it in the style of like, oh, go ahead and push yourself?

I think I'm taking it as like, treat yourself, you know, and people are like, you need to treat yourself.

But I don't know.

He's, he's pushing yourself.

Here's what I think you should write down.

Stop putting on clown clothes and thinking it's cute.

Please stop it.

It's cringe.

It's making me cringe so hard.

And they keep showing it.

And it's not, it just i feel awful my wiener is going so far in my body that it's like just a two it's like an inner it's like an any belly button is what my penis feels like every time he comes out it's a climate it's awful it's so awful but i'm not gonna lie i laughed out loud because the thing is they they spring it on us when we're when we least expect it like something is happening like he's making avocado toast and then all of a sudden he just is in it and he goes magic or whatever and i was like what

I can't take it.

I can't.

And he has flat ironed hair.

It's like a flat iron haired clown.

It doesn't work for me.

It's like watching Johnny Resnick in clown costume.

Yeah.

So Da Vinci, who's the main Bitcoin guy, I mean, he wears Bitcoin socks.

He's got a Bitcoin fanny pack.

probably.

He's got a Bitcoin purse at the table.

And so they want to see what's in his purse.

And he has like normal stuff, I guess, like Bitcoin slogans and stuff.

And he has a tampon and he also has gold.

So, yeah.

Well, and the girl, the girl who's, they're like, they're looking through his little purse.

And then the guy's like, oh, there's something in here.

There's something in here.

And then this girl next to him goes, is it a tampon?

It's like a joke.

And then it's like a tampon.

And then she's so proud of herself.

She's like, I literally can't even believe how rot I was.

It was a tampon.

Oh my God.

I actually got it.

Rot.

It's like, quiet, Jessica.

You could see in it.

We know you cheated.

So now it's time to run the plates, but are they too cold?

He doesn't know.

Josh, he feels so much pressure.

Every element has to be perfect.

Non-attachment.

Non-attachment.

And he's like, he's trying to tell everyone to hurry up because the plates are getting cold.

And he's like,

I'm sorry.

Does it feel like Black Sabbath?

And it's like,

he's like, I'm getting paranoid.

Like, this is a Bravo audience.

it's, I don't know if like all of us get the get the reference.

Is that the song by Ozzy Osbourne that goes

okay?

I really again, accumulation

songs.

I just, I just, I'm trying to think.

My brain, my brain just did this.

I don't know any Ozzy Osborne songs.

He has like

crazy train.

That one?

You know that one?

No.

Well, I can't help you any further.

Sorry.

I'm not very helpful.

I'm not yes amming you because I literally can't.

I don't know anything.

This is the only lyric I know.

Danny.

Danny.

Danny.

Danny.

That's the song.

I don't know if that's actually paranoid.

So, okay, so

that would have been a better reference.

That would have been a better reference.

If he said, I'm feeling paranoid, like Shirley Manson, I would have been like, Thank you.

That one I can give you.

I think I'm paranoid.

Yeah, I know.

I'm sorry, that's nice.

My funny Valentine.

Okay, just a refresher for a cleanser for every cleanser.

Yeah, a palate cleanser.

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So, um, V did not hold her plate properly and it got messed up so it's terrible ja so then we go to the first course they get spanish prawns which thankfully spanish prawns because

any other kind uh passion fruit caviar and orange vinaigrette i mean how how embarrassing if they got non-spanish prawns while they're docked in spain i mean hello

Peruvian prawns?

Get the hell out of here.

Corsely prawns.

Christian and Max are talking about how shitty their day was.

And they're talking about the sea bobs.

Are they inside?

And Christian's like, well, when you put him in, you need to charge him.

You know, he's like, I charge him.

I charge him already.

He's like, okay, well, how many do we have?

Two?

Yeah, bullshit.

How the fuck don't you know that, bro?

How you don't know we have two?

How you don't know we have two?

Max is on such a power trip.

He's acting like he is the best deckhand, and he's definitely improved, but he's acting like he was not a total waste of space and a disaster two seasons ago i mean like he was awful and he was so terrible and now he has like no patience for this guy who admittedly is terrible as well but like he's he has no patience for this guy when he in fact was the bane of the entire ship's existence two years ago let alone the entire audiences Yeah, I don't even know that there's proof that he's improved.

He's just acting.

I'm not even sure.

He's just leading with, you know, like, I'm great.

And so

people buy that sometimes, you know, like the loudest person always wins kind of thing.

It's like, you know, like,

if you're like a shitty second grader, you're still going to be shitty, but now you're in third grade, but he's acting now that he's made it to third grade that he's like, he's like on a power trip to the second grader.

And it's like, you may be on a, you may be on a power trip because like technically your rank in grades is slightly higher, but you're still shitty.

And also

bad at the second grader.

It's not so regular that people get a second season, right?

Like, you have to be kind of special to get a second season.

So, I think maybe he thinks he's special.

Yeah, maybe.

So, everyone, he's like paraching to a first year.

So, Aisha is observing the guests as they sit around at this dinner with like weird, like, purple Mylar on the walls and stuff.

And she's like, it's such an odd combination of people.

Like, Carl's just chiller.

Da Vinci's like super eccentric.

It's pretty quirky.

And then there's this hot couple.

Where do they come from?

Maybe that's the message of Bitcoin.

Bitcoin brings people together.

Yeah.

I mean, I guess.

It does.

I mean, Asia.

Bitcoin people love Bitcoin people.

They like to love each other.

They're like really into each other.

Bitcoin people are like, yeah, it's the future.

The banks will never get me.

So then Asha is asking about food.

They all love the food.

Okay, let's go to the bridge with Nathan and Sandy.

She's like, yeah, you know what?

I just wanted to say that,

you know, you got to get it down quicker, you know, because it was just, it was just really going slow, you know?

And when it's swinging, that's when you go fast.

Get it low.

Get it low.

If it's swinging, just crash it down into the deck.

Okay.

I just basically want you after, I want you to be, I want that ski bob, that wave runner.

I want it to look like Hannah after one of her special cigarettes, just face down immediately.

You know, a wise man once said that when the wind is swinging, the ropes, you got to get low from the windows to the wall to the sweat runs down your jet ski.

Get low, get low, get low, get low, get low.

Okay, good job.

Let's have a hug

when the going gets tough, the tough get going and going and going.

Yeah.

Listen,

as a fan of Christina Million, I have to say, dip it low, Nathan.

Next time, dip it low.

So she's like, you know, you've only been on the boat 12 hours, so I'm not going to worry about it because I'm nice.

I'm a nice captain.

The internet loves me.

So let's just keep going, okay?

Nathan had tested forwarded two hours before the charter began.

And as a new boatswain, he doesn't know the boat.

He doesn't know the crew, and that's a setback but i'm going to support ethan and he'll become excellent at his craft his craft of

deck leading

he's crafted lowering a jet ski a little too slowly when it's windy

fantastic lowering craft

tessa will excel at her craft of being sort of nowhere you know have i actually met tessa yet i have oh okay

tessa is my favorite character so far same i think this one, she really blossomed.

I love her.

And I love that she's always, she looks like a character in like a Hans Christian Anderson novel.

I feel like she's, she should be in like an old-timey dress with a rolling pin in her hand, just telling the kids to slow down because she's basting a turkey, you know, as the kids run through the house.

I feel like she should be the like the lady who presses the buttons to make it's a small world go and then waves at people when they come back at the end of the ride.

Yeah, I could see that.

Like when they described her later in the episode as like, she does nothing but is just judgy.

She just stands down as judgy.

I was like, perfect.

Love her.

Me too.

Cause she's not, she's not silent in her confessionals.

She's like, they're all idiots.

So

she assures Nathan that they're going to figure this out together.

And so he's like, oh, right, right.

So he leaves.

He looks terrified, as he should be.

So then we,

let's see, Kizzy is telling V that the rooms are messy.

So, like, she can't just leave Caddies in the hallway.

So let's get it together, okay?

Let's keep them organized.

Let's keep organized.

And V's like, yeah, I haven't had a lot of high-end service experience, but my work ethic speaks volumes.

Pick the Wendex up off the floor.

That is your work ethic.

You're leaving shit on the ground.

Go get it.

Yeah.

And as she's talking about her work ethic, we see that she somehow broke the bed.

There's like a panel, like a wainscotted panel that she broke.

and now she's trying to reassemble it we never really see how they do this and like do they have to call one of the like off-camera engineers but i was actually i was kind of invested in this i was like you broke a panel on the bed like it's clearly not going back in easily you only have so much time before the guests are done with dinner and want to come downstairs what do you do how much time do you have like how does this get fixed i i was like i was kind of i was into it you were stressing i was stressed i liked it it just because

they're showing like incompet.

They're like cutting together incompetence.

It's one of those things where like, uh-oh, she left her caddy on the ground.

Uh-oh, she broke a bed or whatever.

They're putting this all together, but the voiceover is like, yeah, my work ethic definitely comes from my parents being models, you know, because they're from Cuba and we grew up really, they weren't really models.

They were just model work ethic people, by the way.

So they were really attractive, though.

Yeah, they were.

They were attractive.

Like their work ethic was always in bikinis.

I'll tell you that.

Like they had hot work ethic.

They had like model quality work ethic.

But they both grew up really poor.

And my dad, when he grew up,

like when I was growing up, he couldn't pay the electricity bill sometimes and they couldn't pay the water bill, but he worked his ass off.

And now he's the CEO of his own engineering firm.

Unfortunately, he doesn't pay the electricity there either.

So they do a lot of engineering in the dark, which has led to buildings falling.

But But you know what?

They try.

They have really good work ethics.

I love the irony of her dad owning an engineering firm, and yet she can't figure out how to put the panel back on a bed.

If only we had an engineer.

That's why I love the editing.

It's so funny.

She's like giving this full-on monologue while, you know, she's like leading hell breaking loose down there.

So the guests are still receiving food and all they want to do is jet ski.

And one guy,

Carl, says, jet skis make me feel alive.

Jet skis make me feel alive.

Oh,

oh, I feel alive with jet skis, almost as alive as I feel with Bitcoin.

I don't even need to drink anymore.

I've got jet skis.

I've just drank a jet skis.

And then they, yeah, he talks about how, like, being on a jet ski makes him feel alive, especially when he pushes it so hard.

He feels like if he falls off, he's going to die in the water.

And then Josh is like, and now here's your course of fresh frigola, frigola, and uh, tomatoes and oregano cooked down.

So it becomes almost like a risotto with chicken and pinuts.

It's like, yeah, perfect for someone who loves jet skiing so hard is gonna die.

Frigiola, this jet ski beach.

What was that?

Fresh tomatoes and oregano cooked down.

So it becomes almost like a risotto.

Fuck yeah, risotto to the extreme.

So Aisha is telling V that she has to do laundry in the morning.

Don't forget.

And then we cut to Nathan and he's just sitting at the back of the boat staring into the water, you know, memories of jet skis crashing into lights, etc.

Doesn't he fart?

Or is that just what I projected onto him?

I thought I heard him go.

I thought there was a fart, but I never know on this show, you know?

I feel like they're like fart lighting me.

I think if you have that haircut, you're going to, you're also the kind that like sits by the edge of the boat and farts.

Yeah.

You imagine the boat farter with monkey hair.

Yeah.

So

Captain Sandy is very impressed with Josh.

She goes to tell him he juggles an orange right into her face.

And Asha is back up.

They love the main chorus, blah, blah, blah.

It's Jeremy Sue, guys.

It's Jeremy Sue.

Who's going to be difficult about it?

I'm going to guess it's the guy with the purse.

Okay.

And it is.

It's DaVinci.

He's like, um, I can't stand Jeremy Sue.

So oh, figure something out.

You literally, your name is Da Vinci.

You should love all the Italian desserts.

No kidding.

What the heck?

Although I'm kind of like, I'm like Jeremy Sue.

What a monster.

Get the fuck out of my boat.

I'm a bit like indifferent to Jiramisu.

I just feel like I eat, I can eat it, and it's fine if it were served to me.

I wouldn't be like, send it back, but I, I almost always think that there are better desserts than Jiramisu.

Well, I'm not going to disagree, but you know, if you feel that way, you need to put it on your preference sheet because there's one man cooking and he's got compassion

and he is disassociating from this shit.

Okay.

So you can't just be like, I don't like Tiramisu at the very last second.

I mean, what the hell?

I need some, I need some warning.

You got to put Tiramisu on your preference sheet.

Although I think it's such an edge case, I myself, if I didn't like Tiramisu, probably would forget to mention it.

But I do think that like, I think it's inoffensive.

I don't know if you can do it or Tiramisu.

i don't think it's in it it's not it's an inoffensive dessert i just don't think it's like anything that ever makes me feel like ooh luxury or ooh

this is heavenly it's just like a soft

just like the soft on soft dessert it's just there so

mean about it he's like just give me ice cream i don't care whatever you've got so um

josh you know writing himself little post-its down there and uh he gets a Raspberry Mousse instead.

And that's what you get.

Now you get Raspberry Moose.

So

guess what?

You're still going to get something fucking soft.

And there you're going to get speeds in your teeth.

Sucker.

I was impressed.

Josh just had contingency desserts ready to go.

And like,

that's pretty, that's pretty baller, I would say.

Looks like he really did detach.

So he says, he's like, this is why I never get comfortable, see?

Because the guests, they want to do their own thing.

And then all of of a sudden the shoes dropped and now we don't knock tiramisu so

okay

so uh josh has he's organized he's very proud of himself very organized and that's what allowed him to have the flexibility to not only make tiramisu

but to also make some moose now i've never made tiramisu but isn't it just like ladyfingers dipped in like

espresso like amaretta espresso okay and then like what is sort of what does it sit in like what is is it butter buttercup?

It's not buttercream, right?

Is it?

It's like a,

yeah, it's like a moose, like a mousse?

Is it a mousse?

I don't know.

It's dipped in coffee, layered with the whipped mixture of egg, yolk, sugar, and marscapone.

So it's like, it's, it's close to a mousse, but it's not.

So I don't think it's like a, I don't get the sense.

And I could be wrong, unless he made the ladyfingers himself.

I don't think a chiramasu is like a heavy lift.

dessert so he's like wow i made a chiramasu and then i had enough time to make a mousse Like, both things are

well, I like that he's, he's always prepared for people with like bad teeth, you know?

Yeah.

He's just like going to make some bushy shit.

He's just always going to be prepared or something bushy.

So now Kizzy and Josh are talking and she's like, you all right, babe?

And he's like, yeah, I'm good, babe.

And she's like, good, babe.

And he's like, do you mind?

Do you mind me calling you babe?

She's like, no, I love it.

I love a pet name.

Babe.

I'm a massive flirt.

I love the person that I'm seeing to be like obsessed with me, but like in an unhealthy manner, but also like, I don't want you like knocking on my door with a knife and being like, I want you, I want to wear your skin.

You know what I mean?

Like not like that kind of stuff, obsession.

I just like, I have a big fear of like being murdered.

I always have.

What's wrong with this person?

Everyone has a fear of being murdered.

You fucking weirdo.

There's no one on earth who doesn't have a fear of being murdered.

It's like a totally normal fear.

She's like, I just want the princess treatment.

Like, I love the pivot from, I'm really scared.

Listen, I don't want a guy who's going to murder me.

I just want to be treated like a princess.

I was like, well, that's a pretty big extremes you got going on there.

I know.

I really can't tell after this monologue if she has really high standards or really low standards.

Yeah.

You can go from, I don't want to be murdered.

I want to be treated like a princess.

So now everyone goes to bed and everyone's just like, oh, God, that food was so good.

And Kizzy is cleaning stuff and everyone is like turning in everyone's go like everyone's doing their their nighttime stuff

and um and then captain sandy is like showing uh tessa like controls okay hey hey over there uh you with the judgy face okay this is a radar okay just like the time the latitude the longitude and just leave a note if there's gonna be a new episode of wind coming up because my dvr has been acting up i just want to make sure i don't miss anything okay you got that okay so i guess i'm stuck up here from 12 to 3 I mean, I'm happy to do some odd jobs

unless you dislike people wasting time on your ship, which I'm happy to do.

So let me just write that okay.

Captain Sandy is okay with people completely wasting their time on her ship.

You want to sign off on that?

Okay.

And so Nathan writes like a list of overnight jobs and everything.

And

then basically Max goes to sleep at

and this Christian is up.

He takes over at 3 a.m to do the jobs lists and so then christian instead of doing any of the overnight jobs just sits on his phone and is just sitting there looking bored for hours and hours and hours on end doing nothing yeah and then um now it's the morning and v is at the laundry machine asia just told her she's gonna have to do laundry in the morning so here she is standing in front of the washing machine and doesn't know why it's not working.

She doesn't know how to work it.

This seems to be a common problem.

I feel like there needs to just be washing machine training.

Like, this is how you use the washing machine, you know?

I mean, I know it seems like they should know how, but this is below deck.

They don't.

You can't assume that they know how.

No, it's hard.

Pushing a button is really hard.

So then Max is walking around.

He's well, he's woken up and he's looking at things and he's seeing that Christian has not done any of the stuff that he was supposed to do, like Windows or Teak or, you know, the usual, usual junk.

So he's getting really, really pissed about all this.

And Asia's helping V with the laundry and everything.

And she's like, you know, my first season in yachting, I was on a boat with a really misogynistic prick of a captain.

And like, no matter what I did, I couldn't do it right.

And that came to a head when I just said, oh, I'm fucking quitting.

And I said, you must have a tiny cork to treat women the way you treat them.

Fuck you.

And I ran out of there and I never came back.

You know, and so I really try to be more of a gentle leader because I don't want to get to the point where V tells me, oh, I've got a tiny cock and then storms off the bow.

And then for the next two minutes, we just look at Asha while her mouth just hangs open during her silent laugh.

Which we had dinner with Asia a few months ago and she really does that and she does it all the time and it's like really a pleasure to behold like she literally like she will she will bend over and just the mouth is open and she stares at you like do you want to do it too

So we go back to Max and he's very disappointed in the list, you guys.

Max is a big list person and the list isn't done.

So he's like, I don't know the Latin Christian, okay?

But I'm trying to hypnotize him to put fire in his ass.

I put fire into his ass, right?

They're like, oh, it's it's under his ass.

Under his ass.

Dildo.

Walking dildo.

Beautiful walking tildo.

Is that

what his hypnotherapy taught him that you can use hypnosis to like motivate other people?

I thought it's that you use hypnosis, like you are, you receive the hypnosis, not that you use hypnosis to motivate people.

I don't know.

So they're cleaning, and

he's like, Max is, he's, he's, he's like really

like trying to show he's like being like a he's being a very what's the right word like presentational he's like he's really going overboard showing he's like I'm a cleaner I'm cleaning I'm doing the right thing he's like maybe trying to lead by example but also prove that he's the cleaner

and he's complaining the entire time yeah

so um he's just bitching at himself about how he's the only one who knows what he's doing and then we go to Asha talking to Nathan and how yesterday was so fucked and he's like it was it was upside down like I don't know where to look she's like here we go here we go

so then Nathan says hey he's like hey what's cracking Frenchman he's like come come we need to talk what did you say to Christian to organize in the morning he did nothing windows rinsing teak nothing was done nothing was done

So Nathan's like, oh, Jesus Christ, I got up and none of this was done.

He's like, no.

I do want to give Tessa and Krishna a chance to prove that they're capable of adjusting and learning and getting on with the job as fast as possible.

But I'm not even fucking around anymore.

This is actually terrible.

This is beyond a joke.

But enough about my haircut.

Am I right?

Yeah, so he's like, okay,

well, Chris hasn't ticked any of this stuff off.

And he's like, yes, I tell you something was wrong.

Did you listen to me?

I told you something was wrong.

Finas.

Finas.

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So then we see Nathan and Max cleaning stuff that Christian didn't do.

And then Aisha passes Sandy and gives her a high five.

She's like, try, better.

I mean, you're a lesbian.

High fives should be in your blood.

That was a very weak high five.

You're right.

I like my fives the way I like my

hem on my pants.

High.

Okay, this is a Capri high five.

Okay, there you go.

This five is going to be so high, you're going to see my ankles.

Okay,

got it.

So, uh,

so now Christian and the NKZ, Kizzy, they're all in the crew mess, and um, they tell they they tell Christian he smells really nice and everything.

Because V's being flirty because that's what she likes to do, she loves a flirt, she likes to be a flirt.

And um, he's wearing Jimmy Chu, he's wearing Jimmy Chu to work.

That seems weird, right?

Is that weird to be

like it's too fancy of a smell to be working a non-fancy job?

Yeah, but it is a mega yacht.

It's a mega yacht, a mega yacht, Sandy.

It's a mega yacht.

God, I missed that guest.

Mel could be, Sandy.

I mean, it's a mega yacht.

It's a mega yacht.

So that was the best.

So Aisha says that the guests want to go into town.

Sandy's like, oh, it's a beautiful town.

Have you been?

Sitches.

Oh, my God.

It's wonderful.

They call it the anti-norma of towns in Spain.

It's just that pretty.

Wow.

People actually want to go in it.

So now Max sees a bee and he's terrified of the bee.

He's like, work better, bee.

Work better.

You're a bad worker.

I'm better bee than you.

Yeah, he literally loses his mind.

And then Josh is making some fruit.

He's doing some cooking just in general.

And Nathan is

telling the deck hands to do some inflatable stuff.

And

they have, and Christian's like but there isn't enough space for it all and he's like but we got the whole fucking sea he's like oh but then

now this uh Josh is doing something that I always think they should be doing on below deck which is making a dish for breakfast and saying here's what's for breakfast then you serve it and then if somebody wants something else or something different, then they can tell you because breakfast is one of the biggest cluster fucks on this show when people start ordering a million different things.

And I've always felt like if you just tell them, okay, here's what's for breakfast.

It's a, in this case, it's a poached egg avocado.

And then you just say, this is what you're getting for breakfast.

And if they want something different, then they're allowed to.

Well, he does that and it blows up in his face.

So

well, but the thing is, they should have just served it.

They should have served it and then said, does anyone want anything else, anything different?

Not so instead, Aisha wound up saying, like, but we're going to have, we're going to be serving this.

And then they're like, actually, can I have this?

So like, like, really eliminate all the options as possible.

Just get it straight ahead, right in front of them.

Eat your fucking breakfast.

You want to drink.

They should have just served everybody Tiramisu with an egg on top.

So Kizzy is cleaning.

She has too many rags in her caddy, which feels like that's British slang for something.

Oh, you darling.

You've got too many rags in your caddy.

How dare you?

You ding-dong.

You really need to focus on your career.

Too many rags in your caddy at the moment.

She's like, I'm not sure if he has like a passion for detail.

Is she English?

What is she?

She's English America.

She is.

So, but at the same time, it's great for me because now I look like a rock star, like the best ever.

And it's great because I can be like, oh, V did that wrong.

You know, that sounds horrible, doesn't it?

I was just flirting with you.

I love to flirt.

And I think she like knocks over like a little jar when she says that.

Okay, so toxic, toxic lady incoming.

So Nathan is trying to get the tender ready for this excursion and everything.

And people are just being slow.

It's like, Christian, Tassa, did you copy my last, my last thing?

Christian Tassa.

Hello?

Oh, Jesus, Jesus.

So he goes over to them and he's like, Task, Christian, you need to be on your radios.

And Christian's like, bro, where's my radio?

It's like, it's here, right here.

He's like, sorry, bro.

I need more urgency.

So then we see Josh talking about the avocado poached eggs.

He's like, okay, guys, I've got avocado poached eggs and bacon.

And DaVinci's like, yeah, I'm going to need a ham and cheese omelette.

And then his fiancé is like, yeah, I just want avocado with no egg on it.

And DaVinci's like, yeah, also I want a sunny side egg.

And she's like, yeah, can I have nuts on my avocado?

Thanks.

Can I have an egg with nuts, also, please?

Can I have an egg with nuts, please?

Also, thank you.

Can I have an egg with the sunny side runny but well done up but also down to the side with some walnuts?

That would be really great.

Could I get a Japanese rolled egg, please?

And can you put a little top hat on it so it looks fancy?

Thank you.

Can I get a Spanish egg?

I only want Spanish eggs.

Do not try to serve me a Peruvian egg.

Can you just serve me?

Here's what I want.

I want a sous vide parsnip, but then when it's ready, cut it out and carve it to make it look like an egg, but we all know it's actually a parsnip.

Thank you so much.

I want a Bitcoin egg.

Bitcoin egg.

How many?

Suppled Bitcoin, please.

So Josh, Josh.

How many confirmations did this egg have before it was served to my table?

So this sets up

a wonderful moment.

So Josh is like, oh, God, eggs with nuts and hard-boiled eggs and caveats.

It's not hard to make, but it's like I've set myself up, I've organized myself, and now it's kind of gone to shit.

Oh, dear.

You know, it's essential for me to have my galley in order.

Cause, well, get ready, everyone.

I used to be a little bit out of control, my personal life.

Oh, you did.

I took drugs for many years.

Cooking saved me.

Growing up, the people...

A chef and a clown used to be a heroin addict.

I don't believe it.

I do not believe it.

Cooking saved me from drugs.

Growing up, the people around me in town, the town I grew up in, everyone was just kind of doing it.

Everyone was doing drugs.

My grandmother, my mom, my grand, my dog, the postman,

the person at the drugstore obviously was doing it.

Well, everyone was doing drugs.

14.

It'd be pills on the weekend, cocaine.

You know, during the weekdays was softer stuff like black tar, heroin, and LSD.

Maybe we'd just...

choose some children's advil.

I don't know.

Really anything we get our hands on.

But the weekends is when we went really crazy.

Oh my gosh, it is crazy.

There are so many sober people in the kitchen.

And I've worked in kitchens my whole life.

And there really are just that theory is true.

I mean, there are a lot of like ex-addicts working in kitchens, yet there's always Coke in kitchens as well.

Like it's always the best place to find Coke.

So I don't really know.

I don't really, it's a conundrum.

It's a conundrum, I'll tell you.

But they show pictures of him to prove that he was a drug addict, I guess.

So he's telling a story like, oh, oh yeah you know i was really young i was on drug and they kept showing him he never looked the same in one picture it was one of those things i couldn't even tell who he was i was like who are these these are a lot of really odd looking white people with bruised under eyes like i don't even know who any of these people are which is him it was like they kept on showing pictures of like three pasty corey feldman esque british boys and i was like which one i think that one's him but it could be that one and they kept on showing them through the years growing up and i was like who are these other two boys and is this like a tricky thing It's like Highlights Magazine or something, like which one is different and which picture.

But yeah, it was the age old.

I was on drugs.

Cooking saved me.

And now I'm a clown, you know,

as cliche as it comes.

Yeah, and now I'm a clown.

Yeah.

So he got sober in 2019.

And,

you know, is it better to burn out or is it better to fade away?

I don't know.

I'll tell you what.

Both of those things are better without clown makeup.

Now he's making breakfast and DaVinci's fiancé is writing something.

I'm sure something really romantic.

And Carl's like, oh, you should say, doing, he's like, you know what?

Like sitting here, like being with you guys and having nothing to say to each other, like it's really nice, right?

Cause it's like quiet.

Like listen to it.

Isn't that comfortable?

Isn't it?

Isn't it?

Why is nobody talking?

Is it me?

Am I ugly?

Am I too skinny?

Is everybody sick of my white jeans?

What is happening?

uh sandy and nathan are hanging around and sandy nathan looks at the what he points at the water and he's like oh there's loads of jellyfish on the water and sandy's like oh yeah you'll just make them very just make the guests really aware and we'll scare the jellyfish off by the way do jellyfish get scared off i feel like jellyfish don't even have brains they just float to things and they just jellyfish ain't scared as

they can sting you

They can sting you with their minds.

They do not give a crap.

Okay.

And also, I've never seen jellyfish like this, where they're just, first of all, they're the kind that's, I don't know, we talked about this in the preview when we saw some jellyfish, but they're kind of like chunky jellyfish.

I don't know.

They're not like as,

you know how some jellyfish are.

These are like solid mushroom-looking fish.

They're big and they're like kind of at the top of the water like it's feeding time and they're waiting for worms to be dropped into the water.

It's really weird.

They're like koi.

They're like koi jellyfish.

They were beautiful.

They were beautiful and they were like very like visible too.

Like some jellyfish you can't really see very well, but these were very obvious.

But what's so funny is, I just, um, I did a Google search.

I said, Can you scare a jellyfish?

And you know, Google always offers an AI answer.

And it got a little sassy with me.

It says, no, you cannot quote unquote scare a jellyfish.

I was like, okay,

no need for the, no need for the quotes, no need for the derision.

It goes, it says, no, you cannot scare a jellyfish because they lack a brain and cognitive abilities to feel fear or other emotions.

Dummy.

Idiot.

Thank you, Google, for shaming me.

So the answer is you can't scare them.

Okay.

They just have a nerve net that allows them to sense and react to environmental changes.

Well, I'll give them an environmental change.

It's called put on some capri pants, you jellyfish, and get out of here.

Scram.

I prefer a flowier jellyfish.

I don't like these like thick, staunch jellyfish.

I don't like them.

I like these ones.

You like the ones that have the big sort of like

almost like the stuff that's on a parliament.

You know, where it's like flowing, like a calftan in the wind, where they're like,

I'm a jellyfish.

How are you doing?

What are you doing today?

I'm doing nothing.

I'm smoking cigarettes on my deck and listening to classical music.

What are you doing?

You're like, oh my God, has that person ever worked?

Has that jellyfish ever had a job?

Their calftan's just blowing.

These are like little staunch, like the mushrooms from Mario Brothers.

I don't like them.

I like them.

They're like little button mushrooms.

I like them with that nice sort of like blue tint.

And like sometimes I don't like the jellyfish that have all those like ruffles.

You know, like they're sort of like tentacles have like lots of business, almost like the front of a pirate shirt or something.

I don't like jellyfish like that very much.

These I like.

They were very classic, but I kind of resent.

I really hate that jellyfish sting so much because it's like, if you don't have a brain, it's like not fair that you can, that you can hurt people, but you don't have a brain.

Like, it's not, if you hurt me, because like.

Have you not been paying attention to politics?

Well, my point remains.

I don't like mindless hurting of people.

And that goes for you, jellyfish.

Now, I get it.

It's like, nope, it's because they don't have a brain.

They need to have some sort of defense.

Otherwise, they'll just get eaten up.

I'm like, fine.

But like, I just don't think it's fair that they're the ones who are just being thoughtless, literally thoughtless.

They can't have thoughts, and yet they can get away with like terrifying an entire boat.

Being like, Oh, well, we know what they can think and what they can't think.

I don't believe that jellyfish don't have thoughts, they do.

I believe that they don't, I believe they do not have thoughts.

You know,

I mean, they just we think we know everything.

What the fuck do we know?

We're not inside a jellyfish.

What are we going to do?

All right, I won't erase the jellyfish.

Jellyfish is like, Yeah, jellyfish are people too.

Jellyfish are people too, everyone.

There it is.

So, these jellyfish are floating around, and Max is like, oh la la.

Oh, I love these beautiful blue pepper chandelier jellyfish.

They are fucking gorgeous.

They look like, you know, majustuquio.

It's like, oh, I love it.

I just want to touch it.

I want to touch it on top.

And they're like, well, don't touch it.

It's going to sting you.

He's like, no, you can touch on top.

It's only the tentacles that will hurt you.

It's okay.

Don't worry about the tenties.

Oh, yes, I'm going to bet the jellyfish on top.

So it's like trying to grab the jellyfish from the top, top, which this is why I'm glad that they can sting because stupid fucking people like Max.

Yeah, I take it all back, actually.

Actually, what about the body?

They'll definitely have the jellyfish aside with this.

They're doing nothing.

They're just trying to like relax by a boat, you know?

And he's like, oh, I'm going to grab it by the head.

And so he grabs it, and then he can't.

get a hold of it, but he does touch it.

And then he starts rubbing his eyes.

And he had jellyfish splooge on his hands and he touched his eye.

and now he's going to go blind.

Now he's burning.

God, I can't believe you had such a negative reaction to touching a jellyfish voluntarily.

This was remind me of on below deck adventure.

There was this awful deck hand who like scooped up a, like grabbed a fish and he like ate it.

And I was like, what are you doing?

And it's like this.

Like, why are you touching the fish?

Like, do your job.

Do your food and don't touch the jellyfish.

And now look what you've done.

Now you got jellyfish splooge in your eye, and you're and you're like, you can't see.

Like, I would have been afraid I would have lost my eye because it's like a jellyfish thing is not nothing.

Like, this guy's an idiot.

Yeah.

And that's one of the things you go to the hospital for, and you're like bleeding out of your eyes.

And they're just like, you're so stupid.

It's like people who go in there with like a Coke bottle up their butt.

They're like,

I'm like reconsidering their lives.

You know, like, what am I doing here?

What am I doing here?

So Asha is

like, Nathan, could you see Max?

He touched a jellyfish and touched his eyes, and his eyes are on fire.

And I would help him, but I can't see through my tears of laughter.

So, if you can help him,

so they have, they're trying to help him.

Nathan's like, what an idiot.

So, now Josh is complaining because these people are crazy.

And then Sandy goes down to check on Max.

And he's like, it is like tomasco, tomato in the eye.

She's like, oh, God, why'd you touch the fish?

Why?

She really is looking at him like, why'd you do that?

It's like every time I see a guy, you know, emerging from a date with Norma, I'm like,

why'd you do it?

Why would you do that?

She's just kind of laughing at him.

She's like, go put fresh water on it.

And the crew mask, hey, we've got some espresso pods.

Try those.

So

they don't want to pee on Max's eye.

Anyone?

No?

Okay, I guess I just have to

use the water.

Congratulations.

you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

See you over there, suckers.

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