#3082 Southern Charm S11E01: Shower and Shade

Speaker 1 Get ready for a night of excitement with Virgin Voyages. As you know, the Real Housewives of Miami took a trip on a beautiful Virgin Voyages cruise this season.

Speaker 1 But you know who also deserves an opportunity to get in on the fun? The ladies of Salt Lake City.

Speaker 1 We're about to join Meredith and Brittany from the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City as they experience Virgin Voyages' vibrant entertainment.

Speaker 1 At Virgin Voyages, you can play in the ultimate adult playground. That's right.
The cruises are child-free, ensuring you can party like a housewife without any interruptions.

Speaker 1 With all entertainment included in your fare, you're free to dance the night away. Let's see what Meredith and Brittany are getting up to.
Hello, hello, Virgin Voyages.

Speaker 1 Are you ready to hear a set from DJ Merlin?

Speaker 1 Wow, what a gorgeous club. I know her.
I know the DJ, everybody. I know her.

Speaker 1 Okay, Brittany, I'm going to need you to quiet down because I'm about to start my DJ set right now.

Speaker 2 Go, Meredith. Woohoo! Meredith, can you see any bachelors up there?

Speaker 1 I don't see anything. I'm trying to focus on spinning this sweet turntable right now because I'm a DJ.
Hey, Brittany, are you recording me?

Speaker 2 Are you recording me? No, I wasn't recording you at all. I was just trying to take a selfie.
You can't record me while I'm doing my DJs.

Speaker 2 I just have my phone out because I was using the calculator until I realized there's no bill here, so I don't even have to come up with a tip.

Speaker 1 You're lying, Brittany, and I don't appreciate liars while I'm DJing for all these people in the club.

Speaker 2 I only have my phone out because I was playing Candy Crush while you were trying to DJ. I'm so sorry.
I was trying to save my ears.

Speaker 1 You're not, you're not, and you can leave. At Virgin Voyages, you get world-class entertainment without the drama, unless you choose to bring your own, of course.
Whether you're sailing to St.

Speaker 1 Lucia, New York, or Miami, you'll find endless opportunities for fun and relaxation. Experience the Virgin Voyages vision yourself.

Speaker 1 Visit virginvoyages.com or speak with your travel advisor to book your fabulous getaway today.

Speaker 1 This time of year, it's sensory overload everywhere, but one feeling we're still chasing, cozy. And Bombas has the socks, slippers, tees, and basically everything to get you there.

Speaker 1 They're really stepping up their footwear too. New colors, new styles, fluffy things, suede things.
If you've got feet, they've got something for them. And I love putting on a fresh new sock.

Speaker 1 That's one of my favorite things when you get brand new socks and you put them on and you're just like walking on clouds. I love it.
And Bombas really delivers on that front.

Speaker 1 Head over to bombas.com slash crappins and use code Krapens for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com slash crap ins code Krapens a checkout.

Speaker 1 Audubold's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Speaker 1 Here's your invitation to have it all. Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.
Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the the hockey field.

Speaker 1 Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Speaker 1 Moss and Rebecca Yarrows, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Speaker 1 Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com/slash crap-ins. That's audible.com/slash crap-ins.
inside.

Speaker 1 Watch what crap is.

Speaker 1 Watch what crap is.

Speaker 1 So much that crap is

Speaker 1 watch what crap.

Speaker 1 Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's the gorgeous Ben Mandelker over there.
Hello, Ben.

Speaker 1 Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? What's going on, baby?

Speaker 1 Not much. Just

Speaker 1 hanging out here with you, having fun. Yes, it is time for a new season of Southern Charms, Season 11, Episode Uno.
So we're glad to be here for that. You guys catch us Monday nights.

Speaker 1 We're either doing Crappy Hour at 5.30 Pacific, or like this coming Monday, we'll be doing Amazon Live at 4 p.m. Pacific.
You can find details on our Instagram, Watch What Crappens, and the

Speaker 1 whatever, links area, link and bio area.

Speaker 1 So join us for that stuff. That's super fun.
And welcome to the show, everybody. What did you think about the premiere of season 11, Ben?

Speaker 1 I liked it. I thought it was sort of like light and frothy.

Speaker 1 I enjoyed much of it. I enjoyed the opening scene.
I enjoyed Molly's breakdown about her band performance. I did not not enjoy the return of Corey, who looks crazy now.
He's trying to be like hipster.

Speaker 1 I think he's trying to do like a Benson Boone hipster look. And

Speaker 1 I think, look, just go back to your

Speaker 1 Broy baseball cap and, you know, flannel situation. That's your, that's your land.
Stick to it. Honestly, though, I enjoyed all of it.

Speaker 1 And I was so happy that Vanita got a proper storyline for the first time in several years. So, yeah, what did you think? Vanita has learned.
Yeah, she's come in with a couple storylines.

Speaker 1 She ended the season. She ended the episode with two, which is pretty good.
Craig and, you know, breaking the girl code.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she finally learned like it's time to lean into a feud. So

Speaker 1 I thought it was all. She's also dating Carl, supposedly.
Have you heard that?

Speaker 1 Oh, right.

Speaker 1 I got my eye on Vanita.

Speaker 1 So then they like hung out in like the VIP lounge and then they're like,

Speaker 1 this is a date, by the way. This constant is a date.

Speaker 1 Okay. Normally, I do this on a Wednesday, but

Speaker 1 BravoCon is when BravoCon is. So let's do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So she's, she's out there working for her spot, you know, which is good.
Molly, not Molly, Sally. God, all the basic old, old-timey white girl names, Sally and Molly.

Speaker 1 Sally is, I was sitting next to someone this weekend and she passed by. She was talking to some guys and the girl went, her spray spray tan is ridiculous.
It's ridiculous. It is dark brown.

Speaker 1 It's splotchy.

Speaker 1 She's a lot to Sally.

Speaker 1 She's a lot. I'm actually interested to see how she goes off this season because I have a feeling we're in store for quite a treat with this one.

Speaker 1 Well, as soon as the season began and

Speaker 1 Vanita and Sally started talking about how they basically became like best friends since we last saw them, since the reunion, I was like, oh my God, I'm so excited for their fallout and fight and the destruction of their entire relationship because that's literally what has happened every season on really any reality show but did we not just see those two generic blonde girls uh whose names i'm suddenly forgetting now uh go to the same shep's ex and austin's ex remember i don't remember the name oh yeah

Speaker 1 isn't that funny um olivia and um

Speaker 1 The other one. Olivia had she got,

Speaker 1 she canceled her wedding through her press agent.

Speaker 1 They released like a whole press release. Did you see that? That was pretty funny.

Speaker 1 Olivia is sad to inform you that she will no longer be marrying Cracker McCrackerstein or whatever her past name was. Yeah.
Olivia Taylor.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Olivia and Taylor.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Olivia and Taylor started this, that, whatever season that was, walking around the park, talking about how they've just like commiserated over the fact that they both hate their exes and they're best friends now.

Speaker 1 And then within like three episodes, destroyed.

Speaker 1 This one's already one episode it's already showing me massive cracks so you know congratulations yeah so we open with the main guys whitney shep austin and craig having dinner somewhere celebrating austin's birthday and shep's like whoa gersh we've been through ups and downs mostly ups but let's toast everybody So they toast and Austin's like, yeah, well, what I've learned is to keep your friends close and your enemies

Speaker 1 closer. Right, guys?

Speaker 1 gosh enemies what are you talking about like russian interference with the vietnam war ken birds turning the season strong whoa

Speaker 1 yeah are we supposed to be enemies now

Speaker 1 flash forward

Speaker 1 you manipulated me you you uh you told me you're an addict and you don't drink anymore and now you're the shock king craig

Speaker 1 Just made my drinking problem about him. That's insane, Chep.
Austin, nothing I do in my life life is about you, buddy. Well, trust me, I know.
I know.

Speaker 1 Listen, my drinking is about me. I don't try to tear you down.

Speaker 1 You're a liar, and everyone knows you're a liar, Craig.

Speaker 1 I'm the same person off-camera as I am on camera, and that person is a storyteller. You're a liar.

Speaker 1 Then we don't need to be friends anymore. Guess we don't need dessert.
Yeah, Craig is a fucking liar with that whole alcoholism storyline. He's, that was such like a get out of jail free card.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm an alcoholic. And then he's continued to be shit faced every time we've seen him since on this show.
You know, and when Candace Luann did the same thing, I was like, good for her.

Speaker 1 But with Craig, I was like, no, because I felt like.

Speaker 1 We all felt like when Countess Luann had to go sober, it was like, oh, she's obligated to go sober because she got arrested and this is what you have to do.

Speaker 1 But Craig was like, no, I'm not hanging out with you because I'm sober now. And that's why you, it's not because I'm not too big for my britches.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's not, I'm not too big for my britches.

Speaker 1 You actually are toxic for me. And you turn me into an alcoholic.
I'm bettering myself. And it turns out, oh, you're still drinking.
So it is like you are, you do think you're too big for me.

Speaker 1 So like it hits different. It's also more fun to beat up on Craig than it is on Countess Luann, let's be honest.
Yeah. So we go to Sally's house, wackily trying to catch a fly with her bad spray tan.

Speaker 1 I just can't emphasize enough. The fly just has to leave.

Speaker 1 The fly fly just has to land in the fly. I'll be like, what? I can't get off.

Speaker 1 You put so much of that stuff on you. You look crazy.
Please stop. So then we go to Vanita's house and Vanita is also dealing with flies.
So I'm not really sure

Speaker 1 what we're supposed to take from this, but Vanita has a fly trap that she needs to get down and throw in the trash. Yeah.
That's her. I never seen that before.

Speaker 1 It was like an exterior fly trap, which talk about a fool's errand trying to trap all the flies outside. But she went for it.

Speaker 1 Um, and then we go to Craig's house, and uh, also, it's unfair, don't you think, like, to trap flies outside? Like, where do you want them to go? I mean, is this just mass murder of flies?

Speaker 1 They're allowed to be outside. I mean, I get protecting your domain, but they're outside.
You can't, it's like just putting bird traps out there.

Speaker 1 You can't do that, it's outside, that's where they live. Like, I think it's okay to try to reduce mosquito populations and tick populations, but the flies are just gonna fly.

Speaker 1 I mean, they're just and I'm sure that flies don't spread amazing things, but like mosquitoes are the real problem. Mosquitoes, mosquitoes, and ticks.

Speaker 1 I say put out the traps for those, but like the flies. I mean, why, what are you doing? Why are you putting a fly drop outside, Vanita?

Speaker 1 I was very concerned from her right from the beginning, but I guess we should have known that, that that was a sign of her

Speaker 1 giving up on logic. Like, you know, when you're a reality star, you don't think logically, you think emotionally and impulsively.
And that's how you get your good storylines.

Speaker 1 And this is like a sign that she is no longer using her head. And that means she'll probably have an interesting season.

Speaker 1 Well, continuing the finding pests in our home, Molly is looking for her snake, which is under an appliance or something. And she's like, oh, hey, it's just me.
Look at me.

Speaker 1 You're going to be much nicer to me when you see I have a mouse. Oh, wait, the snake has not

Speaker 1 escaped yet. I'm sorry.
The snake is still in its aquarium. It's just like, you know, kind of snapping at her.
And she's like, okay, don't snap at me. I've got a dead mouse for you.

Speaker 1 The aquarium is the least cluttered area in Molly's new house. It's just, you know, like

Speaker 1 looking inside the aquarium, it's like clean and open. There's all this, it's like an open concept, but like everything else is chaotic outside that aquarium.
So she drops the mouse in.

Speaker 1 It looks the cleanest and it's got a giant log in the middle.

Speaker 1 So that mouse, that snake just grabs that mouse by that.

Speaker 1 That snake is going to eat well. And then we go to Miss Patricia's house.

Speaker 1 Whitney, whitney and she's continuing continuing with women dealing with pests it's miss patricia in her house with whitney whitney want to see what i got madison from you ding a ding it's a sterling silver rattle watch

Speaker 1 randy just comes limping in he's like what please please i wasn't calling you randy but while you're here here hand me your finger no please please

Speaker 1 that's called an electrical socket stupid go back to your quarters.

Speaker 1 The best part about this silver rattle is it bounces off his forehead nice and cleanly. Like, watch this.

Speaker 1 Oh, see, it came right back to my hand.

Speaker 1 Best thing about this silver rattle is you could just twist it apart and it's two shanks inside. Randy, come over here.
I'm going to stick a fork in you and see if you're done. No, please.

Speaker 1 Ow.

Speaker 1 Works like a charm.

Speaker 1 Mother,

Speaker 1 is this for a medicine or the baby

Speaker 1 she's like

Speaker 1 oh for both

Speaker 1 good haven't haven't you ever been to a baby shower before he's like

Speaker 1 no it's gonna be hilarious hijinks hijinks will ensue

Speaker 1 So we go to Austin driving his car and he's calling Madison LaCroix and she's like, hi, girl, hi, just over here getting fat, home stretch, this baby making business. I'm in the third trimester.

Speaker 1 What are you doing?

Speaker 1 He literally goes, oh, what is that? You can drink wine now? It's not the third trimester of college.

Speaker 1 She's not, she's not approaching the end of the school year. No, she's like, what are you talking about? Hell no.
It's like, oh, I need to get pregnant so I can get my drinking in check.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's that's that. Yes.

Speaker 1 Austin, we all know Austin would drink while pregnant anyway. Let's be honest.
So he's like, so what am I supposed to get for your baby shower?

Speaker 1 And she's like, well, not nipple cream or nothing like that. I mean, I suggest corn.
My mom will be there.

Speaker 1 As if Austin has any idea what nipple cream is or used for. So then Madison shows up at Craig's house and she's like, well, God damn, this landscaping.
And so they go in and he just touches her belly.

Speaker 1 He's like, is it weird to touch someone's belly? She's like, no, I'm not a good pregnant person, to be honest, anyway. He's like, well, because you have an alien inside of you for real.

Speaker 1 I heard that's how aliens, like, I was watching that show alone earth, and they start in your belly. So like, good luck.
You have like probably 24 more hours left inside of you.

Speaker 1 I hate every second of being pregnant, but we're doing it. Okay.
Them girls who are like, oh, I love being pregnant. I'm like, you're a liar or a sociopath or something.
Nobody loves being pregnant.

Speaker 1 It's ridiculous. I love that.
I love that because all my friends hated being pregnant. Literally, no one was happy.
They all were miserable. And so whenever someone's like, I just love it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I feel like you're lying to me right now. Yeah.
I feel like you are so upset, but you, you have to pretend to be happy because you know it's for your family. But like, I know you hate it.

Speaker 1 I know you hate it. Yeah, I was trying to be positive in just a not positive situation.
Like, I love it. It's amazing.
I can't sleep. I've got a hemorrhoid the size of a head coming out of me.

Speaker 1 This is amazing.

Speaker 1 So they sit outside and she sees some sort of painting or an easel or some sort of setup. She's like, who are you? Bob Ross 2? And he goes, oh, the painting.

Speaker 1 That's that's a remnant of the past page used to sit out here in my bathing in a bathing suit and paint

Speaker 1 okay so you didn't take it like this is so craig to leave up the things that way anytime he has like a lemonade with someone outside oh my god what is that you know what's so funny ronnie Orkin just arrived.

Speaker 1 It's like they knew what we were talking about. Orkin is out there killing the mosquitoes.
Do you hear that noise? Guess who was just out here today? Orkin this morning. Killing the mosquitoes.

Speaker 1 What a tie-in. Yes.

Speaker 1 what are we orkin twins seriously and i had to reschedule them for next week because they were going to do the inside and they said i had to be gone for two hours i was like well i'm not doing that they said it's a california law i was like really because in texas they will literally spray me if i'm laying on the couch and he's like yeah you have to so they have to come there but he did the outside wow we're having an orkin day It's a real, like, it's like they knew we're talking about pests.

Speaker 1 They're right outside this window doing their mosquito treatment, which is because, you know, in Los Angeles, you get mosquitoes mosquitoes like

Speaker 1 until like December.

Speaker 1 But anyway, what I was saying is, of course, Craig leaves all of Paige's painting tools and stuff up.

Speaker 1 So that way, anytime someone comes outside and hangs out and has like a lemonade, he can be like, oh yeah, that's Paige's. She left me.
How I was such a good boyfriend.

Speaker 1 I provided her with an easel and canvases that way she could paint. And then she, in return, she left me.
This may look like a painting of a pool, but it's actually a painting of my heart breaking.

Speaker 1 And also, we don't see the painting, which is super bizarre. I rewrite it three times.
Like, did I miss it? But I went through frame by frame and they won't show it.

Speaker 1 Like, are you afraid of getting sued? Is Paige going to be cutting? You cannot show that. That is TM.
That's my art. So, yeah.
That's my attempt. That's Property Tech Digly Squad.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 I did not give you permission.

Speaker 1 It was probably a painting that said, someone save me.

Speaker 1 So I hope you guys are ready for the Craig as a victim season because here we go. He's like, I was betrayed by the person I love the most in this world.

Speaker 1 Yourself.

Speaker 1 Get out of here. You were betrayed.
Did you watch your own TV show? It was all there. It was all there.
We all saw it. Geez.

Speaker 1 So we see a clip of them laying out in the sun and him being like, hey, let's hang out for two years and then like get married and stuff. And she's like,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 God, I can't believe it didn't work out.

Speaker 1 Betrayal. It's so thick.
So Matt's like, how are you feeling? Be honest. He's like, well, it's been a journey.

Speaker 1 I will say I've hit a level of sadness that's not depression based because it's more bummer based. Because I never did anything to deserve becoming a villain in her story, but she needs a villain.

Speaker 1 The only thing I did to become a villain was just do villainous things. But other than that, I really wasn't a villain.

Speaker 1 All I really did was lie and say that she didn't give me a month and a half of advance notice and breaking up with me to save my feelings in the press than to turn around and make it look like she'd been cheating on me the whole time in the press.

Speaker 1 No bigs.

Speaker 1 Super bummer-based.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 then we see clips of Paige saying that she believes that Craig never bought that ring in the first place. And Madison's like, well, I feel bad for the guy.

Speaker 1 I mean, in his mind, he believes she was his wife. And, you know, I think he's just so hurt.

Speaker 1 He just doesn't know how to explain what he's feeling because that requires like words that he just hadn't learned yet. Poor guy.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm so proud of you. He's like, I started to see someone else.
And we met in the Bahamas six years ago. And I guess it's Natalie.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised they didn't show a clip of Natalie with her big laugh.

Speaker 1 That was like her whole thing. She didn't even say anything.
The one season she was on. She would just show up and laugh.
When I'm sorry, who we've seen her on the show? Natalie.

Speaker 1 Isn't that the same Natalie? Remember the girl he was dating before?

Speaker 1 Wasn't the girl he was dating before Paige? Wasn't that Natalie in COVID, the COVID season and in quarantine oh really

Speaker 1 natalie buffett i don't recognize this girl i'm looking at her instagram right now she looks like uh naomi actually kind of

Speaker 1 natalie buffett

Speaker 1 summer's over and i'm upset and then her picture is like this maybe not i'm very i know she maybe it isn't the same let's see craig and natalie southern charm maybe it's a different one No, I think it's the same one.

Speaker 1 Someone told me the dress comes before the man or something like that. She's modeling wedding dresses.

Speaker 1 Very pretty, whoever she is.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, that's her. So, he's like, yeah, I mean, I wasn't really ready.
So, you know, it's not fair to her. But, like, you know, she made me feel whole again.

Speaker 1 And then once I felt whole again, I was like, whoa,

Speaker 1 I'm not into this anymore. And I was just lonely and I didn't know how to be with myself.
So I rushed into the first person I ran into, Natalie Buffett.

Speaker 1 They always say the way to feel whole again is to get into a hole again.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, Dad Ring had have two girlfriends. Just don't call them girlfriends.
Just say you're entertaining girls. He's like, Yeah, but like people say you have three great loves.

Speaker 1 I had the first one, Naomi, and then the second love was Paige. So I'm just holding on to that until the third one comes by.

Speaker 1 I'm nervous because I'm 37. Did I age out? She's like, no, no, no, no, no.
Cause you you still got Shep around. So now we cut the Shep at a store.
And there's a lady.

Speaker 1 He's like in this like baby store. And the lady's like, hello.

Speaker 1 Hey, what can we help you with, sir? We are in the middle of putting more polka dots onto our southern dresses. So please hurry up.
We have so many dots. It's like you're able to do it.

Speaker 1 They did have that attitude, too. They're like, excuse me, what would you like in our store, sir? They were looking at him like he was fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 What are you doing here?

Speaker 1 The bar is down that way, sir.

Speaker 1 Of course, I don't have a baby, but someone I know is having a baby, and he's the ex-boyfriend of the one who's married. So it's kind of funny, right? And they're like, um, awkward.

Speaker 1 Why would he talk like that? We don't talk like that in baby stores.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, I don't need help, but now I'll peruse.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 he walks away, and the lady mutters, so awkward.

Speaker 1 He's like, I don't buy gifts for unborn babies. I don't even buy gifts for weddings.
I'm not buying you silverware. That's your problem.

Speaker 1 So he's like, he's looking at a stroller that like folds and he's like, wow, it folds. This is crazy.
And Austin comes in.

Speaker 1 He's like, wow, gosh, we won't have to worry about this for at least nine months.

Speaker 1 So Shep says, my dating life, well, it's active. I get excited easily, but.
Disappointment soon follows.

Speaker 1 As doth goes the happiness, so doth goes the disappointment, says Shakespeare in one one of his plays. I've learned a thing or two.
Age range is increased to 27 now. Gosh.

Speaker 1 Gross. It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a Krappens commercial.

Speaker 3 Hey, football fans. Gillette's best shave has a new look this season, and it's looking smooth.
Almost as smooth as my voice.

Speaker 3 We're talking about the new collection of Gillette Labs' official NFL licensed razors, featuring the team colors and logos of 12 NFL franchises, these razors are a must-have for fans that want to experience the confidence and pride of game day every day.

Speaker 3 With Gillette's best blades and flex disc technology, Gillette Labs lasts 50% longer on average compared to Fusion 5. So get it while you can, online or at a retailer near you.

Speaker 3 Gillette's best shave is now the best a fan can get. Gillette Labs, also available in Heated.
Gillette is a paid partner of the New Heights podcast.

Speaker 4 This message comes from Capital One.

Speaker 4 With the Spark Cash Plus card from Capital One, you earn unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase and get big purchasing power so your business can spend more and earn more.

Speaker 4 Stephen Brandon and Bruno, the business owners of SandCloud, reinvested their 2% cash back to help build the company's retail presence. Capital One, what's in your wallet?

Speaker 4 Find out more at capital1.com/slash spark cash plus terms apply.

Speaker 1 i know when when craig was saying have i aged out what are you worrying about aging out you're never going to be dating older girls anyway it doesn't matter what age you guys are you're still going to be dating 25 year olds i don't know i don't know why you're worried about your age yeah i mean the track record on this show is is pretty grim thomas ravenel whitney shep

Speaker 1 i mean that's probably what craig is thinking he's like oh no am i gonna be just like those guys probably yes yeah probably yeah but with more pillows pillows.

Speaker 1 So Austin's like, I think I'll go with this thing solo.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 And he tells us that him and Audrey are coming up on a year and a half of dating. I still do not believe it.
I will not believe it. I mean, I think they are dating.

Speaker 1 I think he's just constantly cheating. I mean, it's so, it's such a perfect setup for a guy on this show to have a girlfriend an hour and a half away that you only see a couple times a month.

Speaker 1 You know, he's set himself up for life.

Speaker 1 Yes, we see a flashback of one of their dates, and she's like, I had bad traffic coming down here. I'm like over it.
So it's like she's like fishing for him to say, Why don't you move in?

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm so sick of the traffic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she lives in Charlotte, Charlotte, but like we try to see each other three to five times a month, and it works out for us because it makes it makes me crazy when people say, Are you getting married?

Speaker 1 Are you having kids? Are you moving in? Because like, we haven't talked about any of this. Like, we're good.
Chill out. Chill out.

Speaker 1 I'm like, is the person asking those questions Audrey?

Speaker 1 Because he might want to think hardly more.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 1 I'll just finish it there.

Speaker 1 So, Shep finds a wooden horse, and he's like, Oh my gosh, this wooden horse is cute. Surely this is cheap.
50 bucks?

Speaker 1 What the heck? 150 bucks for a horse? Garsh.

Speaker 1 Oh, shut up, Shep, as if you care.

Speaker 1 It shocks me how fucking cheap Shep is. Mr.
Trust Fund, Mr. Boykin himself, Mr.

Speaker 1 Monopoly

Speaker 1 in Charleston form,

Speaker 1 Mr.

Speaker 1 Has a bit of money already. I love when Austin tries to be witty.
Like, when he tries to sort of act like Whitney, he starts making, it's like, Mr. Boykin himself.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, Austin, settle down. Whoa, whoa, I found something for $45.
It's a picture frame. Yay!

Speaker 1 Cheap ass.

Speaker 1 So he decides on a big teddy bear. Austin picks a big teddy bear.
And he's like, Corey, he first texted me. He said Craig invited him to the baby shower.

Speaker 1 Gosh,

Speaker 1 tell me about LA. It looked fun, Austin.
He's like, oh, it was very much like I'm a normal dude hanging out with friends.

Speaker 1 But, you know, we were at the bar and Craig had like a shot, like multiple shots. It's insane right now.
So now I wonder about this whole like, I'm not drinking so much thing.

Speaker 1 And we see a clip of them together hanging out in LA somewhere. And

Speaker 1 Austin's telling him to just like chill.

Speaker 1 Well, it's a clip of when Austin was like, can't you just chill out and just have a couple of drinks? And Craig is like, no, I can't do that because like I'm an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 You don't understand what it's like when you're alcoholic. You can't just have a couple of drinks.
When he was wasted, by the way.

Speaker 1 I like that he did his whole alcoholic speech thing while he was wasted after yelling at everybody on the beach. So Austin's like, well, I'm not judging.
It's just guilty, guilty, you know?

Speaker 1 I mean, I think he was, he was saying his, Oshep is saying, well, I think he was just trying to to say that, you know, his attitude was bigger than just your relationship. It wasn't you.

Speaker 1 It was the alcohol.

Speaker 1 Well, as long as Craig doesn't turn into drunk, dickhead Craig, then I'm here for the single Craig energy.

Speaker 1 So Shep says, well, he was very much like so needs to like calibrate his new normal because he's alienated us because Paige was his best friend and he put all his eggs in that basket.

Speaker 1 A fake basket that didn't even mean anything from the day one. And then the basket fell and the basket got a lot of likes.
And now look, insincere basket with insincere eggs broken everywhere.

Speaker 1 And we have to pick up the pieces. And now we can't even have an almond because Steve the Page broke the basket.
It's like, Shep, you know, the scene's still happening. Oh, gosh.
Sorry about that.

Speaker 1 There were broken eggs on the floor. So I immediately called Taylor.
I said, what are you fucking stupid?

Speaker 1 That's not how you play egg choss.

Speaker 1 So now we go over to Molly's new house and she's looking for something under the dishwasher.

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh are you gonna help me look for my corn snake doggy oh I googled it and they hide under appliances so then we find out that Molly is a new reptile mom because someone was rehoming their gecko and their corn snake corn holio

Speaker 1 and so she took them and so now she has three cats a dog a gecko and a corn snake yep

Speaker 1 And so she doesn't know where the snake is. So she's going to lure the snake out with a mouse.
So she takes out one of her frozen mice and she's about to like place it somewhere.

Speaker 1 She sort of has it in Tupperware, but then there's a knock at the door. So she has to kind of like, she puts in the Tupperware.
Rodrigo comes in. He's horrified.
He hasn't even seen the mouse yet.

Speaker 1 He's horrified. It's just clutter.
And he's like, I am a gay man and I'm not used to this much clutter. I live with a male Ina Garten who keeps this, my house.
in perfect condition.

Speaker 1 And this is against my entire aesthetic. What am I doing here? Am I really shooting a scene in this place? Oh my God, there's a frozen mouse.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he comes over with flowers and he's like, well, I thought I'd bring one more thing to pile up in here. God, it really is a fucking mess.
Did you find the snake? What is that a dead mouse?

Speaker 1 What are you doing?

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm thawing out the mouse to lure him. He's like, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I want to ask her and be say, like, happiness starts at home, bitch. Like, clean your house, please, please.
Don't have gays over until you've cleaned your house.

Speaker 1 And she goes, yeah, well, I carved out a path to places that I go to often. So I'm just like,

Speaker 1 he goes, so like a hoarder? Your sentence like a hoarder, right?

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I moved into a house that's a thousand feet less. You know, I'm a minimalist if I have room.
Oh.

Speaker 1 It's like, um, what's that? My euphonium, Tiny Tuba. What about this? Um, it's my thousands of shark teeth.
She actually has a box full of shark teeth, which

Speaker 1 is, I thought she was joking when she was talking about shark teeth last season with the ship. But yeah, he's like, yeah, how's your, how's your relationship with relationship?

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God, stop. I think that exploring that made me realize like what I don't want.
Yeah. And I'm fine with that.
He goes, okay, yeah. So why don't you just get more pets?

Speaker 1 That would be great. How about maybe you could get some organization or a boyfriend or gerbils? How about a giraffe? How about a giraffe? You want a fucking rhino in your house? Jesus.
You know what?

Speaker 1 Woman. You know, it's a great, you know, it's a great pet.
It's a, it's a, it's a very unique animal called 1-800 Got Junk. And I think you'll really love that pet.

Speaker 1 Why don't we get one for you, huh?

Speaker 1 So then we go over to Vanita, and she's going to Hill House Boutique. I love a boutique that's named after a haunted house.
That's great.

Speaker 1 Vanita,

Speaker 1 we're going to

Speaker 1 Abneyville Horror Boutique. Yeah.
This is the Laura Ashley dressed based on the woman who drowned in Michelle Pfeiffer's Lake.

Speaker 1 Are you guys going to did you guys see the new summer fashions they have at Elm Street Boutique?

Speaker 1 I just want you to try this on. It is half burnt up because this woman was chased through a living nightmare.
You're going to love it.

Speaker 1 After this, why don't we go just see what they have at Atelier Camp Crystal Lake? I think it's going to be just like, I think they got some cool summer fashions. You may recognize this dress.

Speaker 1 It looks a little young for you, but it was worn by the doll in its idiots. So let's go ahead and put that on.

Speaker 1 So they try on some clothes and talk about how they've become best friends now. And Sally's like, yeah, I helped her through so much JT stuff.

Speaker 1 And I don't approve of that relationship because I know what kind of guy he is and I just don't like him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so this is now Vanita's going to, Vanita now tells the story of her and JT, which is great because it gives

Speaker 1 the Southern Charm Orchestra a chance to do their favorite thing, which is to play that music that's like,

Speaker 1 where it's like, it's like, here's what happened. And as it approaches the climax, they always do that thing with like a xylophone.
Where it's like,

Speaker 1 they love doing that.

Speaker 1 So Vanita is like, well, after, after that night in New York, he came to my room until 5 a.m.

Speaker 1 And he said he wanted, you know, he's like, oh, I want to be with you. I want to be with you.
So I hope we could potentially date, but he blocked me and then he disappeared off the face of the earth.

Speaker 1 Like, he didn't disappear. You just forgot to look down.
You would have seen him. This is so her, though.
Yeah, after the reunion, 5 a.m. It was so great.
Thought we were going to be together.

Speaker 1 And then he blocked me.

Speaker 1 This is so a Vanita story ending, you know? So Sally's like, yeah, and I was there for her. And Vanita says she wouldn't stop calling me.

Speaker 1 And then it turned into hanging out every day and then texting every day. And now it's just blossomed into this beautiful friendship, which surely is going to last for seasons and seasons.

Speaker 1 So they try on various dresses and Sally's like, so the baby showers, boys and girls, obviously Craig's going to be there. how do you feel about it

Speaker 1 and so the producer says what happened with craig blow by blow what happened vanita so she says okay blow one craig is a bitch and we see watch happens live where it's like

Speaker 1 what about vanita saying she's on craig side i won't be associated with her i'm like to be fair you barely associated with her in the first place i don't think any of you guys even realized she was on your show until like maybe right this moment yeah i mean other than saving her from drowning that one time i don't even think you noticed she was there I don't think you'd ever interact with her.

Speaker 1 So she goes on Nick Vial's show and he's saying, you know,

Speaker 1 do you think Craig should let everyone know what Paige or Paige, what Paige is or isn't doing? Meaning,

Speaker 1 like, was she having an affair? Was she not having an affair? What were all these rumors? And she goes, yeah, I mean, speak your truth. And he goes, but what if he doesn't know?

Speaker 1 And she goes, then stop acting like you know. And they're like, ooh, ooh.
So she basically went and stood up for Paige and Craig didn't like it. And he says, she's just regurgitating internet gossip.

Speaker 1 And then we even see a TikTok the moment Vanita found out that Craig will no longer associate himself with her watch, with her. And it's a watch party with all the girls.

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, I'm not friends with her. And they're like,

Speaker 1 no more free pillows. So she goes, Well, I consciously made the decision to text Paige over Craig because who do I have a stronger relationship with? Paige.
Who actually has a trajectory in fashion?

Speaker 1 Paige. Who actually has acknowledged my presence at least once in the past four years, Paige, not Craig.
Sorry. Yeah, I got some pajamas out of it.
What's that man ever given me? Other than my life.

Speaker 1 So Sally's like, well, I can see both sides, which is where you know you're in trouble. Uh-oh.
She's like, he probably expected all his friend group to have his back.

Speaker 1 And she's like, all I said is if you don't know she's out there cheating on you, then stop saying she's out there cheating on you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So Sally is like, it's okay, Vanita.

Speaker 1 We support you. We support you.
You pick the winning horse in this one. So Sally is like, I just thought it was weird that she took his side.

Speaker 1 Cause if you have a friend that brought someone into the, into the friend group and they break up, you stick with the person in the friend group. She has no relationship with Craig.

Speaker 1 She's actually, I don't think she's obligated.

Speaker 1 Yes, Craig saved her from drowning, but

Speaker 1 if she was, if she was also truly drowning, someone else, like he was just the first one to get there, I think. But

Speaker 1 I think like Vanita, I think Vanita should totally go with Paige. It's just a smart thing to do.
Vanita's a fashion influencer. You stick with Paige.

Speaker 1 Craig is like, Craig doesn't pay her any mind anyway. There's, there's no difference in their relationship this season than there was last season.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think it was probably wrong of her because you're in a show together. You're on the same cast.

Speaker 1 And, you know, it's kind of unfair that they all have to go on these other shows and opine about. this shit anyway.
Like, that's unfair that she would even have to have an opinion.

Speaker 1 It's not her relationship. But they do ask.
I mean, I guess if you're on the same show with someone, then I think to do would be to stick behind your people.

Speaker 1 Like Summerhouse all stuck behind Paige right away. But, you know, obviously they'd seen a lot of Craig's douchey behavior too.

Speaker 1 So I could see how Craig would be annoying, but.

Speaker 1 Oh, I can see 100% how he would be annoyed because I think what Sally is saying, I get that, you know, like she brought, he brought Paige down into their circle.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, Vanita's taking Paige's side. And that's true.

Speaker 1 but like at the same time you know vanita's her own person and she doesn't really have much of a relationship with craig and craig's always been condescending to vanita to be honest so i say vanita's well within her and i'm just knowing this because i don't remember but uh and not to be like argumentative but wasn't paige the one who was always nice to vanita out of everybody always paige was always nice to vanita no page was nice to vanita Oh, Craig?

Speaker 1 No, I think. Yeah, well, Craig may have been nice.

Speaker 1 I think they were nice to Vanita, but I don't think that they were,

Speaker 1 I don't think that, that they were ultimately very welcoming. I think that you see him make greater overtures to someone like Madison than to someone like Vanita.

Speaker 1 And I seem to remember Craig was being addicted to Vanita last season towards the end of it. Like, I seem to remember there was some dinner party where he was like, be quiet, Vanita.

Speaker 1 But this is just in my memory. I don't know if this was actually factual.
I just think that like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I am, I'm so team page that I just will do any mental workaround to support anyone who supports Paige.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 believe it or not, I actually like Craig too. I actually do like Craig, but I think in this situation, I think I'm totally, I'm totally on Paige's side.
And that's just, that's just the way it is.

Speaker 1 Bruce Hornstone. Yeah.
So Sally's like, well, I'm mad at her and you didn't do anything wrong. And he just dumped the friendship.
And that's not fair. So I want you to be friends.

Speaker 1 And I want you to be friends because we're on the same show together. And we should all be friends because we're in a group.
Makes it.

Speaker 1 And we're on a show and i don't want to be friends with you and then not be able to film with anybody because you you're not getting along with the lead of the show so yeah and vanita's like okay well if i have a conversation with him and it doesn't go well and she's like i'll fight him for you don't you worry

Speaker 1 yeah did craig maybe defend vanita against jt maybe that was something that happened last season i don't know i mean like if it anything like i don't remember anything past august of 2025 so you know i'll need some help on this one but i sort of have a vague

Speaker 1 he was also coming for JT so hard the whole year and she's trying to date JT.

Speaker 1 You know, it was convenient. It was, it filled his, his ard his larger battle against JT.
So

Speaker 1 as opposed to really sticking it for Vanita, maybe. Yeah, I don't know.
So then Patricia's house, they're getting ready for the baby shower. It's one hour tail.
Don't want the table there.

Speaker 1 God, I'll get that plant off of it. It looks silly.
I don't want people coming over here and saying, Patricia's just a random plant placer.

Speaker 1 The hell's wrong with you? Do you want another moment in this town? I've got a van waiting right outside these gates to take you away.

Speaker 1 If you're so dead set on having an inanimate object in the middle of that path, then just get Randy to stand there, okay? Because I'm not having that plant on that table. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, don't put that there.

Speaker 1 It looks like it could blow over just like me. Am I right?

Speaker 1 Laugh at that, Randy. Laugh.

Speaker 1 shut up randy i said laugh earlier not now oh thank you swan delivery these swans look like cheap prostitutes can we please fix the lays on the swan bring them here i'll do it myself they're tacky put the lays lower and make them bigger what is this some sort of northern necklace come on let's make it look pretty

Speaker 1 There's more sloppy lays on those swans than I see in the cast. Okay.
And that's just not going to work for me.

Speaker 1 So people are setting up and Craig and Corey

Speaker 1 show up. And Whitney's like,

Speaker 1 what's up, man? It's been a minute. Whoa, did you guys work out together? I mean, look at you fucking beef brothers.

Speaker 1 We see some flashbacks in here because Corey starts to anyone who didn't see Winter House or Summer House.

Speaker 1 Craig's like, Corey and I have been best friends since we went to capacity together in college.

Speaker 1 And when people, most people will tell you, even whitney even whitney will say it like no one saw one of us without the other ever it's like really funny if you think about it but like the funny part is like you guys never see me with him but like truth is like we're always together so it's like funny because we're like always together and we see flashbacks and we see like Corey back in the winterhouse days, he was definitely like a little beefier and he was like,

Speaker 1 he had, he was just like a frat boy. He just looked like a frat boy.
But now, now that he has like some announcement of fame, we saw the last BravoCon. He showed up looking cray cray.

Speaker 1 He had like that orange suit, right? And the glasses. So he's grown his hair out.
He has the literal same haircut as Benson Boone.

Speaker 1 He looks legitimately crazy now. I'm like, you're going to look back at this someday and be like, why did I wear this on TV?

Speaker 1 He's just so gross. He's so douche and gross.
Just be a frat boy. Don't try to be like a like hipster right now.
Just be a frat boy. Just be what you are.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I get a butterfly tattoo on his chest or some shit, you know he's going to. Remember when he was wearing pearl necklaces? Oh, yeah.
He's wearing so try hard.

Speaker 1 So Craig has gifts and we see a flashback to Craig giving a teddy bear to Cameron and her being like, oh my God, Craig, what is this? You are so stupid.

Speaker 1 Look, everybody, look at the stupid, ugly gift Craig gave me.

Speaker 1 Loser trying to sell stuff.

Speaker 1 So it still was funny. It's still funny to me.
I mean, honestly. So Sally and Tyler show up.
Tyler is Rodrigo's boyfriend and Molly's there with Rodrigo. They all show up.

Speaker 1 And then Shep and Austin arrive with this teddy bear.

Speaker 1 They get this big, giant, expensive teddy bear, and they just throw it on the ground, sitting there collecting various ticks and mosquitoes that were not collected by

Speaker 1 the attempts at pest regulation by this cast.

Speaker 1 And Shepard is intrusive. Gars, it's everywhere.

Speaker 1 So Craig goes to say hi to Austin and he's like yeah well after the breakup austin and shep were extremely supportive it's just like really cool to hang out with my friends again

Speaker 1 and then mass and brett and hudson show up hudson is like got really hudson's now like entering tweendom and it's like really strange to see he's like he's like a little man now

Speaker 1 and um rodrigo and brett have the same shirt so they love that and austin is like god huh i love that you have a watermelon in your dress that's amazing it's hilarious that was my joke because you're pregnant.

Speaker 1 Do you get it, Madison?

Speaker 1 Craig's, I had an alien. Well, watermelon's better.
This is insane right now. Why would you do the alien thing? You knew I was going to do the watermelon bit.
Hmm.

Speaker 1 So then Vanita and Leva arrive, and Craig's mad that he sees Vanita. He's like, uh-oh.

Speaker 1 And Vanita wants to say hi to Madison, but she won't because Craig is over there. And so Rodrigo's like, kill it with kindness.
Kill it with kindness, bitch. Go over there.
Do it.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm not going out of my way. I'm not.

Speaker 1 So she tells us that she's terrified of Craig's temper. It's scary.
I've seen it. I've seen Craig yell at Naomi.
I saw him yell at Leva. I've seen him yell at JT.

Speaker 1 He's a certified asshole, and he's not someone I'm willing to go to bat with, which I don't blame you. And you're not wrong.
But you went on all those podcasts.

Speaker 1 So I think at some point you're going to have to.

Speaker 1 Well, listen, I also think he has a temper. And I think that he, he does the, I'm just like sweet Craig.
I think that's like an act. But that being said, like, hey, you're on a reality show.

Speaker 1 Get in there. Come on.
Come on, Vanita. You're doing well so far.
So then Rod and Vanita go over and they say hi to Madison. So Craig's like, I'm walking away

Speaker 1 just like Paige did to me. I'm betrayed.

Speaker 1 And Rod's like, just say hi to Vanita. And he says, why? I don't like her.
I don't fuck with her. Okay.
That's it.

Speaker 1 So he tells us that Vanita said he was, oh, no, he tells.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he says to us, like, she said I was enjoying my breakup, reveling in all the attention I was getting from it, dragging it on because I didn't want it to end.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's not a bad call on her part. You really were like that.
Yeah. You started this with, I've been betrayed.

Speaker 1 I know you said, I've been betrayed by the person

Speaker 1 I love most of my life. I've been so betrayed.
Anyone that would say that is clearly not my friend. Commercials.

Speaker 2 Here comes one right now.

Speaker 1 Time.

Speaker 3 It's always vanishing.

Speaker 4 The commute, the errands, the work functions, the meetings, selling your car?

Speaker 5 Unless you sell your car with Carvana. Get a real offer in minutes.
Get it picked up from your door. Get paid on the spot.
So fast you'll wonder what the catch is.

Speaker 1 There isn't one.

Speaker 5 We just respect you and your time.

Speaker 6 Oh, you're still here.

Speaker 1 Move along now.

Speaker 5 Enjoy your day. Sell your car today.

Speaker 1 Carvana.

Speaker 5 Pickup fees may apply.

Speaker 6 This episode is brought to you by by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

Speaker 6 Well, with a name-your-price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com.

Speaker 6 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law, not available in all states.

Speaker 1 So Molly shows up. She found her snake, by the way.
The snake was just hanging on the staircase. And then Patricia shows up and,

Speaker 1 you know, Matt's like, I want these pink up bears up year-round. She's like, yeah,

Speaker 1 hey, I like Hudson. He's so cute.
Does he want to be a butler someday? Because guess what? There may be an opening soon.

Speaker 1 You did a good job with that one. Here, hey, Hudson, put your finger in these halls.
Wait a minute. That's an electrical socket.
Your kid's too smart to be a butler.

Speaker 1 Randy, come over here and show him how to do it.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, Madison's like, she's just worried because Hudson turned out so well, but the second kid is always the one that goes all over the place, you know? So, you know.

Speaker 1 So, Madison's mom, her mom and her sister come, Casey and Tara, the Born for Corn Brigade. And then Craig's like, we should have a party after this in the lair, Whitney's Lair.

Speaker 1 So we see shots of Whitney's lair, his black room in his mama's house. And then

Speaker 1 Shep's like, wow, I'm here for the new Craig. He wants to party again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I'm starting to remember who I was before I was brainwashed in my last relationship by a woman, an evil brainwashing woman.

Speaker 1 I was confident. I was good at hanging out with girls.
Remember, everybody?

Speaker 1 You were also jamming butter knives into walls.

Speaker 1 And I'm Adderall. I don't remember you being particularly good at hanging out with girls in any season of this show.
It's been on a decade, sir.

Speaker 1 So he's like, yeah, you know, I just have a huge void to fill. So I'm partying and I'm using girls.
And so then everyone's talking about how good Craigs look.

Speaker 1 And Sally's like, wow, God really blessed him with that hair. Jeez.

Speaker 1 And Rod is like, I know. Well, he is single now, Sally.
She goes, yeah, but I'm a girl's girl to the death with V. She's my best friend.
We got that on camera, right?

Speaker 1 Okay, I don't have to keep on saying that, right? Okay, good.

Speaker 1 I don't want to have to do it anymore. Tyler's like, this is Southern Charm.
There's always wiggle room, girl.

Speaker 1 so now shots everybody's doing shots and molly's like i can't do shots because i have like a band concert later

Speaker 1 so chord's like

Speaker 1 band concert that's hilarious

Speaker 1 so molly's like yeah i play um a miniature tuba it's called a euphonium shut the up

Speaker 1 a miniature trombone i want to come back to this she's like no miniature tuba do you know what a tuba is um i think i need to hear the sound of a tuba how do you play sir?

Speaker 1 If you do not know what it, you are not going to know what a tuba is based on the sound of it. I guarantee you, how does this man not know what a tuba is? This guy is the biggest idiot.

Speaker 1 I always thought he was an idiot, but I've never been more

Speaker 1 been more in awe of his idiocy than him declaring on TV that he doesn't know what a tuba is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like, How do you play the tuba? And she's like, You spit like this.

Speaker 1 He's like, So you basically just imitate Austin.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 Yeah, Corey's like a huge flirt, but like, I mean, I guess he's haw, like in a fuckboy kind of a way.

Speaker 1 So, uh, when I come over to your house tonight, are you going to play the trumpet or the trombone? I'm like, sir. She literally plays a minute or two, but she never said trumpet or trombone.

Speaker 1 You are going to make me strangle you through the TV. You've done a lot of bad things on these shows before, but this may be the thing that gets that, this is going to put me over the edge with you.

Speaker 1 And she says, I'm going to make you hold my my snake. And he's like, that's not happening.
You can hold my snake, though.

Speaker 1 Is it like a coral snake?

Speaker 1 No, it's an anaconda. Yeah, it's very feisty.

Speaker 1 Molly goes, ooh. She tells us, ooh, wow.
Shiny, toxic fuckboy. Like, my therapy is not working well if I think this is who is cute.
I'm like, yep, you said it. You said it, not me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's pretty bad. So Madison's like, oh, I love them together.
Wow. A snake and a snake handler.
Looks good. And Craig's like, yeah, I knew Corey would like her.

Speaker 1 And Sally's fun, but she ain't your type, right? I mean, don't you generally like girls who are smarter than you and more ambitious than you, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1 He's like, no, I think she's beautiful. I mean, Sally would probably have a lot of fun together with me.
Well, who knows, though? So then.

Speaker 1 He tells Sally that they want to have an after-party in the lair. And he's like, yeah,

Speaker 1 let's just do it at the lair, okay? The lair.

Speaker 1 We have to stop calling it the lair. Like, you put all that money into making this like mid-century rat pack paradise, but you keep on calling it the lair.

Speaker 1 I feel like, can we call it the smoking room? Can we call it the lounge?

Speaker 1 But the lair just feels like something really bad and illegal is going to happen in there that'll cause the premature cancellation of Southern Charm.

Speaker 1 So, let's let's just call it the lounge going forward. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot nicer than just saying it's the shed in my mom's backyard.

Speaker 1 You're right, that is a better rebrand.

Speaker 1 The backyard shed. So then Rodrigo goes up to Vinita.
He's like, so how are you feeling? Because when I said to Craig, let's go say hi to Vanita, he said, why would I do that?

Speaker 1 I wish at this point he would just like let go of that pettiness that he's behind because he's like behind the whole fracture.

Speaker 1 Vinita's like, well, he made the decision that whatever happened between us stayed petty when he verbalized and he stated it out loud. I don't like her.

Speaker 1 So then Sally's asking Craig how he is with Vanita. and he's like i almost didn't come like i couldn't eat eat or sleep for a month okay

Speaker 1 how dare you

Speaker 1 uh sure yes i'm sure craig was so upset about vanita that he just had he he could barely muster the strength to eat something oh please craig please oh he almost didn't come to to this to the first big group scene of the season because of vanita oh my god this guy and so vanita's like well he could have tried to talk to me about it instead of just saying i don't associate myself with her

Speaker 1 and so now we see people parting and cheersing for the new baby and um

Speaker 1 let's see uh uh madison is

Speaker 1 oh the other madison sighting i see i was like oh madison we've already seen that it's the gwynis i was very excited

Speaker 1 i was very excited i needed to point out that i did see um gwyn's madison in the background um i was only excited because one of my favorite aspects of southern Charm is like the Simpsons-esque size of this cast.

Speaker 1 That's so huge. And you see someone in the background, it's like seeing Mo in the background of a scene or like, or Edna Krabopal R.I.P.
somewhere. I'm like, look, it's Gwynn's.
Gwynns is back there.

Speaker 1 So I just wanted to

Speaker 1 look at Barney. He's like, why?

Speaker 1 So now Austin's talking about Audrey living in Charlotte. And he's like, yeah, it's good.
It's good. So I can really focus on things that need my attention.

Speaker 1 All of the nothing I do all day, so to say, it's good. It's all good, so to say.
What are you talking about? You do nothing.

Speaker 1 Trop hop, you sell in like the one to Harris Teeter that has taken pity on you. That's around the corner.
And you're doing nothing all day except getting into a golf cart and going to a bar.

Speaker 1 So to say, needs my attention, so to say.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, Craig, did you go out last night? He's like, no, I stayed in and finished your present. I didn't know how to package it, so I'm just going to give it to you.
Oh, my God. It's a quilt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I made it like out of all of my cum socks off the floor. It's been a really rough month.
Hope you like it.

Speaker 1 I didn't, I almost didn't eat. It was a miracle that I finished this.
I was so weak from not eating because I was so sad about Vanita. Wait a minute.
Craig is over there opening gifts on a sidewalk.

Speaker 1 That is tacky. That is tacky.
I love Patricia calling everything tacky this episode. Like the size of the necklace on the inflatable, uninflatable swan.
That's tacky.

Speaker 1 It needs to be a sophisticated, a sophisticated, inflatable swan wears a large necklace.

Speaker 1 So Madison is touched by

Speaker 1 this quilt. And he's like, yeah, each square has a different meaning.

Speaker 1 This one is how betrayed I felt by Paige. And this other one is how hard I cried because Paige made me cry.
And this other one is a painting that Paige made when we were still in love.

Speaker 1 By the way, I'm sorry. It's X'd out, but I don't have the rights to show it on this quilt.

Speaker 1 Wait, this square is, this represents a piece of chicken that I really wanted to eat, but I just couldn't eat because I, because of Vanita, so the chicken went to waste and was really sad.

Speaker 1 That's what that square means. Yeah, I've been in Missouri learning to quilt the last few weeks.
So, this is the first one I did by myself. It's like, oh my God, I love the stitching.

Speaker 1 We see him using a machine.

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 Susan, Craig.

Speaker 1 Please tell me you did not take up residency at the McBee family farm to learn how to quilt. It's like, I was in Missouri.

Speaker 1 Get your bed and put it inside there. Now you got yourself a quilt.

Speaker 1 So when everyone was out partying, this is what I did last night. She's like, oh my God, I just keep on outshining them, Craig.
You just keep on.

Speaker 1 He is such a bullshit artist. I love that.
Like even.

Speaker 1 Everyone was partying except for me. I was inside being betrayed and crying for the women who were so mean to me.
So I had to make a quilt. Oh Oh my God.

Speaker 1 The way he's, the way he tries to, so blatantly elicit sympathy is hilarious to me. Yeah, so now it's time to get gifts.
So Molly's like, uh-oh, we're missing the gifts.

Speaker 1 And Corey says, oh, are you trying to arrest me? You can put handcuffs on me. Just cuff me and put them in the back for the car.
Yeah, you just touched my butt. Hey, someone, she just touched my butt.

Speaker 1 So Molly, because now Molly is drunk and she's like, oh, God, I'm late for band. We're supposed to do a performance.
He's like, well, what are you supposed to be there? She's like, 15 minutes ago.

Speaker 1 So then she texts, she texts like the band leader, goes, are you going to hate me if I don't come? And the guy goes, probably.

Speaker 1 Or I guess, is everyone going to hate me? Molly, it's a performance. You can't just like, the euphonium is central to any piece of classical music.
We all know that.

Speaker 1 Mozart was basically like, I wish I could play the euphonium, but I can't. So I'll just have to compose this music.
That's well known and documented. You can't leave.

Speaker 1 You can't just like, you can't just stand up your performance. Yeah,

Speaker 1 what's an orchestral night without hearing?

Speaker 1 I mean, come on, Molly. You can't do for Elise

Speaker 1 without the instrument that actually makes the

Speaker 1 sound.

Speaker 1 So she starts crying and she's like, I ticked around and so now I can't go and I just feel bad I let him down. They're never going to let me back in there.
They're going to be so mad.

Speaker 1 I mean, they're going to have to do a search for another euphonium player because there's not many, but still.

Speaker 1 She's like blowing her nose loudly. She's like literally making euphonium noises with her nose.
I was like, Corey's like,

Speaker 1 I do not want to fuck you now. So this is disgusting.
You skipped euphonium day for me, and I'm not going to touch you. So good luck.

Speaker 1 Molly returning for her second season as a hoarder with a snake on the loose, crying over missing her orchestral performance is exactly what she needed to do.

Speaker 1 And she has is already sprinted out to being the one to watch for season 11.

Speaker 1 So we go open presents and Shep has bought a gift and he's like, look, it's called There Are Moms That Are Way Worse Than You.

Speaker 1 I wish I could read that, but I'm so tired from staying in working on my quilt all night that I can't even keep my eyes open to look at the book. Sorry, everyone.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I hope you like my gift. That came from England.
It's done by a dress designer that does the Princess of Wales's children.

Speaker 1 It's really funny because they have these little sweaters and they say, I'm still part of the family, not like stupid. And then they point just in case they're by Megan and Harry's kids.
Fair enough.

Speaker 1 Oh, Craig, you just spilled on the fancy.

Speaker 1 So then Tyler Rodrigo. This was funny.
Tyler, Rodrigo's like, okay, this is just opening. This is very special.
And Tyler, Rodrigo has painted a picture of a teddy bear.

Speaker 1 And it's in, and this is important. We didn't talk about this, but

Speaker 1 Teddy is the name of Madison's father, her late father, who just passed. So Teddy, teddy bears, it's all very meaningful to her.

Speaker 1 So he made a nice little painting and he presented it in this like hideous gold circular frame, like it was from like 1763.

Speaker 1 I was like, what is happening here? And he's like, here it is. It's my, it's my painting of a teddy bear.
And they start crying. And I was like,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 I guess not every frame on this show. I think like, I don't think they sell other kind of picture frames in that town.
It's just how it is. Like Rococo.
Yeah. So then Molly's still crying at the bar.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God. Like, I'm sorry I

Speaker 1 sobbed you, but like, it was really important for my euphonium today i didn't just let the man down i let down my euphonium and corey's just like

Speaker 1 gross

Speaker 1 the bartender's just she's at this point she's just crying to the bartender corey's already just gotten out of there the bartender's like hey bartenders are therapists too am i right you know

Speaker 1 and sally says are you crying and she's like i don't know i'm just upset because i skipped my concert for this

Speaker 1 So I was like, no, you made the right decision. Don't you worry.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to go talk to Craig. Hey, Craig.
It's like, hey, girl, shall we go to the bunkhouse? Let's go there.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the after party since I didn't get to party last night since I was up so late making a quilt. She's like, well, I'm going to check on Vanita because I got girl code now.
Okay.

Speaker 1 We're going to try that for the first episode of the season. So Vanita, we needed to talk to Craig.
She's like, no. She goes, but I'm ready.
And she goes, but I'm not ready.

Speaker 1 She goes, but you got to be the bigger person. She's like, but I'm always the bigger person and I don't want to do that.
Okay. He can come to my house.
So Leva's like, he's never going to come around.

Speaker 1 Don't even try. And she's Leva's like, look, he's going to agree to do it, but then he'll never do it.
And she's like, yeah, he will. No, he won't.
No, but then he's going to look so bad.

Speaker 1 I don't think Craig has ever been concerned about looking bad. So now we go into the lair.
So Austin shows up.

Speaker 1 So, so

Speaker 1 someone says,

Speaker 1 and then bourbon, everyone's drinking bourbon and Craig is having a big pour of Pappy because Whitney's like pouring a giant, a giant glass of Pappy for Craig.

Speaker 1 And he goes, Whitney's like, well, try this Pappy. It's so smooth as smooth as his brain.

Speaker 1 So Vanita's outside and she's like, well, I don't want to speak to Craig because I'm afraid he's going to yell at Madison's baby shower. And that's the last thing I want.

Speaker 1 And Sally's like, well, why don't you wait till the after party so it's not Madison's baby shower? And she's like, wait, there's an after party?

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh my God, does nobody else know about this? We're going to Whitney's Lair. Craig is there.
Just come over there.

Speaker 1 They're acting like there's some bar that's set up across town that they're all going to hop into Uber's. It's like right there.
It's like right, it's like right. It wasn't that little planned.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's also like, it's just right there. Just go in there.
Just walk in. Yeah.
And she's like, no one else knows about this, but me.

Speaker 1 Why are you making it sound like it was some planned thing, Sally? Just tell her. So Vanita's like, well, I guess Sally's a girl's girl until a man is involved.

Speaker 1 Dun, dun, dun.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I don't think that Sally should have to leave this party just because Vanita is. If Vanita wants to go, then it's her responsibility to make up with the person, right?

Speaker 1 Why does everyone else have to leave and be mad? I don't get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, Sally basically is like, here's my version of girl code. She's like,

Speaker 1 it doesn't mean I can't talk to the enemy, but it just means that they get into a fight. I have Vanita's back.

Speaker 1 And but if I'm having a conversation with Craig, then that's all it is. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know where I land on that.
I have not decided if I agree. I see what she's saying.
It's like, I'll always have Vanita's back, but I can also like talk to the person.

Speaker 1 I don't like when my friends cause drama and then I have to leave parties and stuff because they have to take strong hands. Like Vanita

Speaker 1 started it. She went on national whatever podcast radio or whatever and said what she said.

Speaker 1 And if it pissed Craig off, then she was the one who started it. So she, if she wants to make up, then she should be the one to make up.

Speaker 1 But also, she shouldn't feel the need to storm out of this thing just because there's an after party. Just go to the after party and ignore Craig.

Speaker 1 Like, I just want, I just don't want to be forced into not liking other people because my friend started a freak. That's my, yeah, I kind of agree with Sally on this one.
And I also feel like

Speaker 1 if it were a breakup, if this were, especially if this were like a Paige and Craig breakup situation, if Vanita and Craig had been in like a like a big relationship and it was fresh, it was new, then like, yeah, maybe I might like hang closer to my girlfriend and just really be with her um because that's like a higher stakes thing but this is some stupid bullshit that took place across social media so i don't think that like sally should be denied from shooting a scene at the after party uh just because vanita is like

Speaker 1 you know

Speaker 1 is is upset right like i think and if anything like you said i think vanita should also just go into the party because it's not a this is not craig

Speaker 1 shooting not hosted by craig they just went in there big of enough deal to be walking off you know but that's always vanita she has a hard time gauging like the drama like what drama is uh how high the drama is in this situation you know you know what i mean she's either underplaying it like she did forever with jt or she's kind of overplaying it so she never knows how to get the temperature quite right I actually thought, actually, though, she did the right thing, which is that she stormed off.

Speaker 1 It wasn't really that much of being a storm off. She just sort of walked off.
And she got the cliffhanger shot, which is her just leaving the party, being like, I'm out of here.

Speaker 1 So look at you, Vanita. Look how far you are.
Two storylines versus Sally versus Craig. Yeah, pretty good.
Yeah, it was a fun, fun, frothy first episode. Excited for it.

Speaker 1 Thanks, everyone, for being here. This was a great, great time.
Yeah, we sure love you guys. We'll be back tomorrow with Orange County.
Talk later. Bye.

Speaker 1 Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.
It's the Foster and the Furious.

Speaker 1 It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.
Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.
We never miss her call. It's Diane Call.

Speaker 1 Big Yay, it's Emily Gaultier. Aaron McNicholas, she doesn't miss no trickolis.
Hava Nagila Weber.

Speaker 1 You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, Hugo, we all go for Hugo.
Jamie, she has no less namie. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.
Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

Speaker 1 She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sillsby.

Speaker 1 She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Speaker 1 Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.
We love her on the rocks. It's Melissa Cox.

Speaker 1 Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg this is living with michelle vivian i love a ya olivia williamson she sure is swell it's raquel yes we canna it's sedana cast a spell with shannon spellman let's share with sharon eldridge darn skippy it's tippy and our super premium sponsors make way for aj lopez she's vvipp it's amanda v can't lose when you're with amy baldwin somebody get us 10 cc's of betsy md we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Speaker 1 Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Put us on a stretcher.
It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Speaker 1 Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the Cork Master, the Master of the Cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

Speaker 1 We got our wish. It's Jen Plish.
She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch.
My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout.
It's Katie Manock. We love him madly.
It's Kyle Pod Chadley.

Speaker 1 In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. G, it's Lisa H.
We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.
Always killing it, it's Lola Al Kalani.

Speaker 1 The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.
Rose. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.
Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska.

Speaker 1 She's the queen bee, it's sarah lemke we cannot tell a lie it's sarah televison shannon out of a cannon anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with tam la plain we're obsessed all with tessa v you'll always get the full story with tori parsons she ain't no shrinking violet couchar

Speaker 1 we love you guys

Speaker 1 If you like watch what crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

Speaker 7 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 7 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 7 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 7 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 7 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 7 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.