#3087 Below Deck Med S10E09 Part 1: Good Ol’ Unreliable Nathan

1h 9m

This is part one of a two-part recap

The gang on Below Deck Mediterranean go to a beach club where they immediately get down to dry humping.  Afterwards, Nathan struggles to lead his team as spring lines, shackles, and one fugitive tender undermine his authority.  To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.

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Runtime: 1h 9m

Transcript

Speaker 1 You already know we love Virgin Voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's Runway Walk.

Speaker 2 We're talking all-inclusive everything. Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included.
No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

Speaker 1 And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free. No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

Speaker 2 The destinations are amazing too. Some highlights Aruba, St.
Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, The Med.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, the boats are beautiful. They're so modern.
The rooms are just so luxurious. I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.

Speaker 2 And I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences. That makes me so happy.

Speaker 1 Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.

Speaker 2 Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Speaker 2 Ronnie, the holidays are around the corner and you got that nice house of yours that you've been decorating. I think it's time that you add some holiday cheer to it with Wayfair.

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Speaker 1 Watch what

Speaker 2 Well, hello and welcome to Watch More Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the incomparable Ronnie Carom.

Speaker 2 Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Speaker 1 Well, hello. Thank you for not comparing me to anybody.

Speaker 2 No, you're incomparable. You cannot be compared to any single person on this entire planet.

Speaker 1 Comparable only to a car crash and a leaking bag of turkey. That's a Rondo Carom.

Speaker 1 That's a horrible comparison. You can definitely do better than that if you're going to do that.

Speaker 1 Well, thanks. How are you doing, baby?

Speaker 2 I am doing great. Thank you.
So

Speaker 2 today

Speaker 2 we are talking Below Deck Med. programming update.
We'll have Salt Lake City up for tomorrow. The recap for that.
We are not doing Southern Charm this week because it's Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 And, you know, we've been going pretty strong for the past two weeks with BravoCon and everything. And we were like, you know what? I think it's okay if we don't podcast on Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 So we will, of course, bring back Southern Charm next week and we will, you know, sort of do a high-level recap of what happened. We'll sort of touch on what happened this week.

Speaker 2 But if you're wondering where the Southern Charm recap is, it's going to be in all of our heads.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 it's nowhere.

Speaker 1 That's where it is. It's dead.
We killed it. But we do have a dwell hello and we have a trailer trash for the new show, The Valley Persian style coming out.

Speaker 1 And also next week, we have another programming update. Yeah, big one.
We will be adding... Married to Medicine.
It's a rotation. It's back.
Which begins on November 30th.

Speaker 1 We haven't recapped it for a couple seasons, but we will be back.

Speaker 2 yes, we are fully embracing our marriage medicine roots.

Speaker 2 I mean, we started off back when this show started, our show started, we were, you know, marriage and medicine was brand new and we were recapping it back then and we're coming back to it.

Speaker 2 So marriage medicine back in the rotation.

Speaker 2 Also, I just want to say, Dwell Hello, it's our final Dwell Hello. So go listen to it.
It was, it also happened to be one of our favorite house hunters episodes of all time to watch.

Speaker 2 So it was so perfect. Thanks again to our Patreon Premium supporter, Jill Hirsch, for finding that episode for us.

Speaker 2 Thanks to everyone who over the past three years submitted recommendations for Joel Hello. It's been so fun recapping those episodes.
We're just putting it on pause. It's indefinite hiatus.

Speaker 2 Just to, you know, just to give ourselves a little bit of a break on that.

Speaker 1 It's actually five years. You know that, right? Because we did it two years before Wondry as well.
It's just been three years.

Speaker 2 Three years, three years of like a regular schedule of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But I just wanted to also give a quick shout out to Joey Taranto from the I Think Not, a true crime comedy podcast, because he's a new friend.

Speaker 1 I just met him through Matt Maher of the Reality Gaze, but I went to see him this weekend at the La Jolla Playhouse in Working Girl, a new Cindy Lauper musical, and it was pretty great.

Speaker 1 It was pretty awesome to see it. And JoJo played Working Girl.

Speaker 1 She played Melanie Griffith.

Speaker 2 That's so cool.

Speaker 1 It was amazing. It was like watching Cindy Lauper in Working Girl.
Like they wrote it kind of for Cindy Laper. I mean, Cindy Lauper wrote it.
Working girls just want to have fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And it was so good.
You know, it's the new musicals. They're still working stuff out, but it was so good.
He was so good. It was so great to meet him.
What a bundle of energy that guy is.

Speaker 1 So thanks for that. Go see it if you can.
It's probably sold out. Please tell me.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Please tell me. Was there a dance number with dim sum carts?

Speaker 1 There were dim sum carts, but they moved the desks around for numbers like dim sum carts, if that makes any sense. Okay.
And people danced on them and stuff.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was disappointed there wasn't a psoriasis number because that's my favorite commercial of the past decade. I'm Cynthia Lopper and I've got psoriasis.

Speaker 1 And I really wanted them to work that in. They didn't, but it was still fabulous.

Speaker 2 Well, that sounds great. I'm going to give some shout outs too because it's, you know, it's Thanksgiving week.
We're giving thanks.

Speaker 1 If you want to listen to this recap, just fast forward five minutes. Yeah, just fast forward.

Speaker 2 You got the button. I don't care.

Speaker 2 My first shout out is, oh, shout out to the Washington Post for including us in their article about Bravo content creators. So go check that out on Washington Post.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 a shout out to me for writing a Thanksgiving guide. It's on my NBD fancy.
I'm not really giving myself a shout out. I'm just trying to thematically link this in.

Speaker 2 I'm like, shout out to me, really. But I just, I released an NBD fancy column.

Speaker 1 Speaking of psoriasis.

Speaker 2 I released an NBD fancy column today on my sub stack, and I mentioned that because it's all about Thanksgiving and how to do some, what I call low-lift Thanksgiving, which is like easy Thanksgiving things or how to organize yourself.

Speaker 2 So if you're in need of that, I wrote a whole schedule how you can organize your Thanksgiving to hopefully make it go as smoothly as possible, easier said than done, I'm aware. But go check that out.

Speaker 2 It's nvdfancy.substack.com. And I'd like to give an anti-shout out, a reverse shout-out.

Speaker 1 No, don't you dare. Don't you dare come for wicked.
I know what you're about. No.
Don't you do it. No.

Speaker 2 No, the Wicked, Wicked is, Wicked has a Wicked has a perfectly fine shout out. I'm giving an anti,

Speaker 2 anti-shout out to the lady who brought her five four, like five, three, and four-year-olds to a 7 p.m. viewing of Wicked and sat right next to us.

Speaker 1 What the hell happened?

Speaker 2 So last night we went to Wicked. This has nothing to do with below deck.
It has nothing to do with Bravo, but it needs to be said on a platform. I'm using the platform for good right now.

Speaker 2 So Dom and I.

Speaker 1 Crappin' for good.

Speaker 2 Plus 15. Yeah, honestly, this is crap.
It's for good. Plus 15 seconds on your podcast app.
Everyone, don't forget that button is there. Plus 15 seconds.
That means five minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just hit that a few times until all of a sudden you hear, eh, wow, look at that wind.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 Dom and I went to see Wicked for Good last night.

Speaker 2 We went to a seven o'clock showing and we went to this movie theater that's on, there's a movie theater that's on Crescent Heights and Sunset, which is semi-indie.

Speaker 2 It used to be an indie theater, then became an AMZ, and now it's a woman.

Speaker 1 You went to see it at that place? Why would you do that? Have you needed to go to a big nice screen?

Speaker 2 Have you been to the Grove lately? Have you like this episode of Below Deck Med is called, like the actual name of it is called something about peasants. It's like peasants.

Speaker 2 You have a guy on this Below Deck Med calling people on the boat peasants.

Speaker 2 If you go to the AMC at the grove, you find the real peasants, okay? Those are the people who are on there with their phones. They're having conversations.
They're texting. It's like a nightmare.

Speaker 2 You cannot watch movies there anymore. So I was like, let me go.
We're going to go to this smaller theater where, which is actually pretty good.

Speaker 2 It's a pretty nice theater, but like, it's a little bit more quote unquote, like adult, not like adult triple X. Like they're just like more adults that go there.

Speaker 2 It's not as ridiculous. You don't get like.

Speaker 2 You don't get all the teenagers who are literally just like yapping because they think that movies are just like background noise to whatever conversation they're having on their phones.

Speaker 2 I know I sound like an old man, but this, we all know it's true. We all know that you have your whole amazing story about that lady at Sinners.

Speaker 1 And so we go.

Speaker 2 So it's not that crowded in there. Dom and I are the only people in this enormous row, enormous row.

Speaker 2 And in the middle, in the middle, the first 10 minutes of the movie, 10 minutes into the movie, this lady walks in.

Speaker 2 She goes up to Dom and she's got like a trail of children behind her. She's like the Pied Piper of some like nursery school.

Speaker 2 And she like goes, she looks at Dom and she goes, I think you're sitting in my seat. Like an entire enormous row and you're 10 minutes late.
It's like, girl, just sit like one down or two down.

Speaker 2 So already we're like, oh, God. They made so much noise.
The kids were running around the theater left and right. They were running, running like a playground.

Speaker 2 It was in, it was actually legitimately insane. So a big anti-shout out to this woman.
Like, why are you bringing kids at seven o'clock at night?

Speaker 1 How did you not Karen out in there? Why would you not Karen out? We moved seats to a, oh, I'm going to move right to the manager station and wave my finger around. You know what?

Speaker 2 It would have been a bad look if I did that. I'll just, I'll just leave it at that.

Speaker 1 Who cares? It's a bad look to have your damn kids running up and down the thing. I would have tripped those little fuckers.
Pulled out my ball. I wanted to start flicking it at them.

Speaker 1 But who's going to bring a series of

Speaker 2 three and four and five-year-olds

Speaker 2 to a two and a half-hour movie at seven o'clock on a Monday that features some kind of scary elements, like the flying monkeys and the big Oz mask and a witch and all that. I was like...

Speaker 2 I mean, not that the kids cared because they were talking the whole time. But anyway.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Am I right?

Speaker 2 Death.

Speaker 1 Death to those parents horrible horrible

Speaker 2 thank you everyone for allowing me the space to let that out um

Speaker 2 uh i i understand that rant was not in the spirit of the little psa that happened before the movie where ariana grande and cynthia rivo stood hand in hand and said we hope you enjoy we've arrived at the end of our journey with wicked but we hope you still enjoy it and you can be friends like the way we're friends did you did you see this by the way okay i'm gonna say no i haven't seen it i'm waiting till i'm in texas i'm gonna see it with the the fam.

Speaker 2 They like the two of them stood up there. They have like a little video before the movie starts.
That's like where they're holding hands. They're like, thank you for watching our movie.

Speaker 2 We hope you really love it.

Speaker 1 I was like, what is this? Oh, whatever.

Speaker 1 Fly a helicopter overhead and watch him have a nervous fucking breakdown. Okay.

Speaker 1 Have you seen that interview where the helicopter's going over and Cynthia Rivo's having a nervous breakdown because she can't stand the helicopter noise? And Ariana Grande is like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 Stop it, helicopter. Stop it.
Leave her alone. And she's like, oh, with her nails all over her face.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 But ultimately, Cynthia Rebo can do no wrong after that Jesus Christ superstar moment over the summer. Like, honestly,

Speaker 2 she can feel like I will support no matter whatever paranoia she has about the helicopter.

Speaker 2 Okay, everyone. Thank you for indulging me.

Speaker 1 Okay, here we go. You can tell it's almost the holidays because we're like

Speaker 1 two more shows left. Cards.

Speaker 2 Let's make them as long as possible. We're like, guys, it's like, Ronnie, we are like one hour away

Speaker 2 from Thanksgiving break.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about random shit. Let's talk about musicals.

Speaker 1 Working girl wicked. And it's like when you were in school and it was almost a holiday time.
And so the teacher would wheel in that giant TV on a cart and just play a movie or something.

Speaker 1 That's what this feels like. Like before we started this, we were just listening to old sound clips of Quad and just laughing our asses off.
That's all we did.

Speaker 2 They're just so good, though. They're like each one is just like they're all classic.

Speaker 1 6G on a daffodil has it, honey.

Speaker 1 All right. So here we go.
Below deck Mediterranean season 10, episode 9. This is Unpeasant.
Unpeasant. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Unpeasant.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So

Speaker 2 where we last left off, Kizzy was making it with Max, despite the fact that Kathy was like, I'm going to make it with Max tonight. But Kizzy, you know, she always has to be number one.

Speaker 2 She has to be in the spotlight. So she goes after Max.
And Kathy is just watching and she's just very disappointed.

Speaker 1 And here's my problem with Kizzy.

Speaker 1 You know, I get she's competitive and she always wants to be number one and she seems to be very self-aware of what she's doing, you know, because she narrows what an asshole she is through the whole thing.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 get better goals. You know what I mean? It's like when she, when she's like, I always win, I'm always winning and I will never stop until I win.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you're holding a, you're like literally holding a toilet scrub right now. And then, you know, the other thing she's like fighting to win is like, you won max.
You won fucking max.

Speaker 1 Like, dude, get better goals. You're so sad.

Speaker 2 Well, that's why she's grumpy.

Speaker 2 That's why she's grumpy the second half of the episode because she realizes she like, like, has, there's like no one to pull from. Like, she literally, she, she thought she was like the one.

Speaker 2 All the guys were like, you know, slobbering after her. And then she just wound up with Max.
That was the best she could do. Although she did sneak a kiss in with Nathan ultimately.

Speaker 2 But also, this sort of, this cast is not really the cast where there's like, the cool guy. There's no like quarterback, you know, there's no college quarterback that you're trying to get with.

Speaker 2 Nathan's the closest thing to it, but like, you know, we all think that Gary is disgusting. Gary is like the worst, whatever.
But like on his seasons, he was definitely like the alpha male.

Speaker 2 That was like, you know, for people like the Kizzys and the Ashleys, it was like if you got with Gary, it was some sort of like, like you somehow got elevated in their minds.

Speaker 2 But there's not really anyone like that on this season. So it's like, okay, you could have like it was like the best kind of herpes.

Speaker 1 It was like the manliest kind of herpes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's like you have Joe, you have Max.
I mean, I think Nathan's probably nathan's probably the best of the best best but like

Speaker 2 i don't know it's just that god you know what i feel so bad about is how they don't even consider the chef and part of the equation she's like well there's no one left to choose from i mean v's with joe nathan's unavailable max and kathy have something going on so there's really nothing left unless i go full lesbian and i have to go after sandy but oh well

Speaker 1 No one's fucking a clown. I'm telling you.
I'm sorry. That's why they all hang out together.
No one is fucking a clown. You know what? Do you know why you never saw Marcel Marceau in fucking

Speaker 1 tabloids? No one fucked him. It's Marcel Marceau.
And that's not even a clown. That's a mime.
Clown and clown face.

Speaker 2 Why do you think that Pennywise is called it? Because that's all he wants to do. He just wants to do it.

Speaker 1 He can't. No one will fuck Pennywise.

Speaker 2 Pennywise would probably be much more docile if he just got laid. Let's be honest.
And

Speaker 1 we know it's not the teeth because we've watched this show people with shit teeth make out all the time yeah you know it's the clown makeup i'm telling you it's not even the serial killing we see plenty of serial killers get some yeah you know

Speaker 2 people write them letters in prison i'm telling you the clown yeah yeah yeah he needs also a better like he needs a better like fuck pad okay a sewer's just not gonna do it

Speaker 1 yeah truly it's like oh my god do i have to come in again it's so hard to get into that thing

Speaker 2 because he's like squeezing into the vent so when can i see your place? He's like, how about we go to your place instead?

Speaker 2 What's wrong? Do you live with your mother? He's like, no, I just live in a sewer.

Speaker 1 I live with my mother's poop.

Speaker 1 In a sewer.

Speaker 2 I love Pennywise and like a

Speaker 2 light rom-com.

Speaker 1 Sleepless and trying to listen to the lady.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Kizzy and Max are making out, and Kathy is, you know, hurt because she's been telling this girl all day, oh my God, finally, I found Max. He's so nice to me.
He talks to me.

Speaker 1 I'm finally going to make out with Max. Oh, my God.
And then Kizzy immediately does it right in the hot tub in front of Kathy. So Asha sees it, and she sees Kathy's face.

Speaker 1 So she's like, well, you know, Kizzy just wants to be like the number one prize. And she knows when other girls want a guy.
And she just makes it a mission to get the guy. It's just who she is.

Speaker 2 Asha was had, I feel like Asha had some really funny reads this episode. It just starts right here.
She just says it right there, like with an earshot. And Kathy's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 So they just keep on making out. So Kathy gets out.
She's like, I'm not going to deal with this and everything.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 then Max is like, oh, okay. Oh, we do this all again.
Oh, Kathy and Aisha, before you leave, we do this all again tomorrow.

Speaker 2 And Kathy's like, yeah, you can do exactly what you did tonight, tomorrow, but without me. And furthermore, I'd like to add, ack,

Speaker 1 acknowled men am i right ack

Speaker 1 if you think i'll be standing by the telephone waiting for you to call you're absolutely correct ack me now i'm gonna go downstairs and eat my feelings with some chocolate chocolate chocolate ack

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 so yeah so she kind of like gives him a you know little

Speaker 1 try it without me buddy and then he just looks over at Kizzy, and she's just smiling. She's just like smiling with her teeth, as she does.

Speaker 1 And then they cut to V and Joe, and they're also cradling and making sweet, sweet love in their eyes. And

Speaker 1 he's like, oh, Bhutan, what the fuck I did? Kathy is mad at me now. And Kathy's like, I've never felt more rejected in my life.
As and with Kizzy.

Speaker 1 It's like she doesn't even care who she's going to piss off. She just gets what she wants.

Speaker 2 Max has a good mental workaround.

Speaker 1 But she could have joined she could have joined why not

Speaker 1 so god max so now you are the last option yeah you're the last thing available on the menu sir other than the clown

Speaker 1 other than the clown

Speaker 2 So um uh now they left and then after they're done making out, Kizzy is now going to feel bad for herself. She's like, you know, they were talking about me whilst I was sat right there.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, Kizzy just loved the attention, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry, ma'am.
You can't, you can't pull that move.

Speaker 2 You can't be like a total bitch and do that and then like try to actually have people feel sorry for you. Like you did the cutthroat thing.

Speaker 2 You like your friend there said that she wanted to make out with Max and then you went and did it too after you encouraged him to do it, courage her to do it.

Speaker 2 And then you can't be like, oh my God, I can't believe they talk shit about me.

Speaker 2 No, you got to stand in your, like if you're going to do it, if you're going to be like, you know what, I deserve to kiss Max and fuck all those other women, then you have to be able to stand in it as well.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Stand in your truth, baby Ruth. Yeah, and also, you've been saying this whole time in your little monologues: like, oh, yeah, I just want the man.
I don't care. I'm gonna fuck everybody.

Speaker 1 If she wants him, then I'm gonna get him. And if she wants this job, I'm gonna get the job.

Speaker 1 You basically stated in plain English what Aisha just said. So you can't act like such a victim now.

Speaker 1 And I'm sorry, you don't like to hear people talk behind your back, but they weren't behind your back. They did it right in front of your face while you were making out with the guy.
So,

Speaker 1 sorry, don't feel bad for you. So, now we go to Asha and and Kathy and the mess.
And Kathy's like, I just can't believe the turn of events tonight.

Speaker 1 She's like ironing something and cleaning a window with her other hand. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's like making the crew mess look absolutely perfect in her rage.

Speaker 2 And then Kizy's telling the,

Speaker 2 she's like, I know Max and Kathy were having a bit of a vibe, but I'd love to kiss. I'll kiss anyone, you know, but it's still shit to hear when they say that.

Speaker 2 You don't get a get out of jail free card just because you like to kiss anyone. Okay.
Just because you like to do things doesn't mean that it comes without consequence.

Speaker 2 Like you can kiss, sure, go kiss whoever you want, but then you also have to deal with what people are going to say. You know, sorry.
I can't. Look, you know, jerking off is fun.

Speaker 2 I can't go jerk off at the bank unless the sperm.

Speaker 1 I mean, I could, but I go to jail.

Speaker 1 It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin' commercial.

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Speaker 1 So Kathy's like, well, get me on a sun lounger tomorrow and I will get it spotless. I'll tell you that right now.
Because it's their break tomorrow.

Speaker 1 So then now we go to the hot tub and there's this yellow light and it just looks like they've all peed on it, which is really gross.

Speaker 1 And Kizzy wants to leave Joe and V in the hot tub because, you know, it's about to turn yellow with white speckles in it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Joe is in the midst of his

Speaker 2 fuckboy crisis wherein he is attracted to the, he wants to be a fuckboy with a girl, but since her boyfriend died, he feels like

Speaker 2 he's just not, he's not prepared to deal with the consequences the consequences of his own actions um of being called not only a fuckboy but someone who fuckboyed essentially a widow and so he is now leaning into this whole thing of like she's unlike anyone i've ever met before he's like oh wow this is my first time when i want to have relations with somebody that's in the same group i'm like we saw you last season don't say that let's just maintain professional jobs for our best friend so he knows that he doesn't want to i feel like he knows he doesn't want to get involved with her because he knows he's going to fuck it up and he's going to look extra bad.

Speaker 2 So I think he's basically saying, let me get the street cred of

Speaker 2 being some sort of gentleman in this situation and like withholding and being tending to her heart very carefully. I don't know.
It's all bullshit to me.

Speaker 1 Well, he's also pulling out every fuckboy thing in the in the book, every line throughout this episode. He goes through every single one.
But I didn't understand this one.

Speaker 1 He says, this is my first time when I want to have relations with somebody that's in the same group. You just did it last year.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Like you're a liar. So he's like, well, I'm not afraid of commitment or whatever.

Speaker 1 I've just got, I've got feelings for her and I don't know what to do, which is why I don't want to fuck her in case I want to fuck somebody else. Yep.
Like, what are you talking about? So

Speaker 1 he says, let's go to bed. And she's like, do you want to sleep in the same bed? By the way, I'm not ever going to feel sorry for V either.

Speaker 1 I know she's got the whole dead boyfriend storyline and stuff.

Speaker 1 And I'm not saying I don't feel bad about that, but I'm not going to feel sorry for her going forward because this man has said a million times, even though

Speaker 1 he's doing the whole mixed messages thing where he's like, oh, I'll say this, but then I'll tell you, like, you're my soulmate at the same time.

Speaker 1 But even if he dropped it once and then dropped all this other stuff, you can't, you should know better.

Speaker 1 This guy's going to do nothing but. run ramshod all over your emotions, your feelings, your self-confidence.
He's also in my van.

Speaker 2 He's also, also, yeah, get in the van. He's also,

Speaker 2 he's trying to paint a picture of some sort of emotional maturity that he's actually opening his heart up. He's actually being the vulnerable one.

Speaker 2 He's opening his heart up and he's taking it slow so that way he's not a fuckboy. He's changed America and he thinks about things on a deeper level now.
And he's met this girl, yada, yada, yada.

Speaker 2 This is all an elaborate setup so that way he can fuck her. And then when she starts to develop feelings, he could be like, it's going too fast.
I'm feeling too vulnerable. She's crazy.

Speaker 2 Like, that's what we see this all the time. We know exactly what this is all about.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Basically, he can say whatever he wants, but all I hear is, listen here, America.
I'm almost bold and I'm going to get any tail I can. Please don't hate me.
It's clearance rack time.

Speaker 1 It's clearance rack time. The store is closing.

Speaker 2 So everyone's going to bed, and Max is talking to Josh the clown, and he's like, oh, Boutin, which

Speaker 2 our industrious note taker Shelby looked up. And Poutin is, I think, a curse in French, which explains why it was, you know, it was bleeped out in the captions.

Speaker 2 And so he said, Poutin, I feel bad, bro. I don't want to be in the middle of things.
And so Josh is like, well,

Speaker 2 at least you're in the middle of some things. I'm just

Speaker 2 watching things from afar from my sewer grate. So it's like, oh, fuck fun.

Speaker 2 Me and Gizzy have been floating for a while. But yeah, I forgot it up because I actually prefer more Kathy.
So full speed, Twitter, try to make this up.

Speaker 1 Kathy, i'm coming for you

Speaker 1 and i'm like surely kathy's smart enough to just be like off i'm like kathy will she's not spoiler alert she's not i was so disappointed in kathy

Speaker 1 i was too but you know what i mean i kind of get it you've only got so many choices yeah you know like and you're horny you know you're young you're horny you're on a boat there's only so many choices you can get and you just take the least offensive out of all of them i guess yeah it's not like

Speaker 2 it's like you know it's like going to the supermarket and hoping that they have an Air Mez bag for you. It's like, no, it's paper or plastic.
And those are your choices. You just got to pick one.

Speaker 1 And you have to pay 10 cents for it, too.

Speaker 2 Those are my 10 cents, which is five times more than my normal thought.

Speaker 2 So Joe is going to sleep in Kathy's room.

Speaker 2 So they do, it's like everyone's getting to bed. And Kathy's like, this is the worst night ever.

Speaker 2 And then she cleans up Joe's room. And then

Speaker 2 Joe and V are getting into bed. And

Speaker 1 she's like, you're such a cuddlebug.

Speaker 2 You're such a cuddlebug, Joe. And then

Speaker 2 kissing noises and all that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're making out. They probably do it, but we can't tell because he's on the bottom bunk.
So we don't get the,

Speaker 1 we don't get the camera catching them doing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we see a whole bunch of armpit. That's what we see.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So then Joe's, you know, making a face in his confessional, like, hee, hee, hee.
And she's in hers like, he, hee, he.

Speaker 1 So I guess they did it. And then, um,

Speaker 1 now it's the next morning. Everybody wakes up.
Nathan's shaving his legs in his bunk. Which

Speaker 2 is that the place to do that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I never

Speaker 1 figured him for a

Speaker 1 leg shaver. I didn't figure that either.

Speaker 2 Maybe he, maybe it's that way he can swim faster when he has to save someone, like a like a swimmer.

Speaker 1 Um, so Josh is doing yoga on the deck and, you know, trying not to kill somebody. And Nathan goes and gets in bed with Asha to gossip.
And he's like, oh, Joe stayed in the cabin with V last night.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 1 sounds like Scooby-Doo in a garbage disposal. What's happening over there?

Speaker 1 Stop exciting Asha.

Speaker 2 Joe's like, we kissed because he comes in and tells him, yes, we kissed.

Speaker 1 Hey, you're a nice little cuddle. Yeah, and

Speaker 1 good rest.

Speaker 2 So Max is doing yoga, and

Speaker 2 Kathy is talking to V in the crew mess. And Josh also, clown.

Speaker 2 She's like, oh, I didn't notice you were here. I thought you were just a broom.
Anyway, so V, Josh, is Max alive this morning? Shall we kill him? And V's like, yeah, he's doing his breathing thing.

Speaker 2 They're just sort of talking back and forth. And Kathy is expressing that she was really upset because she thought things were going to progress last night.

Speaker 2 And then, nope, she goes, but I was disrespected

Speaker 1 and Kizzy just ignores her and she's like

Speaker 1 what if I wear this

Speaker 2 like should I wear this yeah she walked in like this is like like what am I should I wear this for their day off and Kathy goes

Speaker 2 no that's not beach club which is Kathy's way of saying you're a fucking slut whole bitch get out of my sight you stupid pusfield skank

Speaker 1 And she says, well, things are still a bit awkward with Kizzy, but I'm not engaging with that because I need to prove that I'm a good stew.

Speaker 1 Like, you annoy me, fine, but I'm going to outshine you and you're going to look worse. And I win.
I win. This place will shine like the top of the Chrysler building.

Speaker 2 After a good wash, that is.

Speaker 1 The making of Miss Hannigan. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That reminds me.

Speaker 1 She just wants to do good.

Speaker 1 Man, she just keeps getting thwarted by girls everywhere she turns.

Speaker 2 That reminds me I I need to go to New York to clean the Chrysler building. So

Speaker 2 Nathan and Aisha, Nathan's saying he's going to get fucked up and everything.

Speaker 2 And he's just so happy that he has a day off because he's like, I can't actually express the pressure that comes with being Captain Sandy's boatswain. Do you know how hard it is?

Speaker 2 to sit in a crew mess for hours at a time, laughing and joking and dancing with your friend and then having your boss come in and say, get back to work. It's difficult.

Speaker 1 Do you know how difficult it is not having somebody appreciate your box step that you're doing with your friend? Like, okay.

Speaker 1 So, um, yeah, so it's day off time. So everybody's psyched.
So they get into the vans to go to the beach club. Nathan, Joe, and Max and Ace are in one van.

Speaker 1 And she's like, Welcome to my therapy session.

Speaker 2 Well, well, doctor, I had a good night with Victoria last night. I enjoy her company and stuff like that.
So I'm not going to look elsewhere. We're closed off.
It's fine.

Speaker 2 I'm not in a position to hurt her. Like, could you're acting like you're on Love Island, though.

Speaker 1 Like, just like,

Speaker 2 okay. You are actually specifically in a position to hurt her and you will hurt her.
And in fact, later on, we see the trailer for the rest of the season and you do hurt her.

Speaker 1 I'm going to close it off. So we go to the other van with Josh, Kathy, Kizzy, and V.
And V's like, oh, wow. I just haven't felt like this since you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we know. And Kizzy's like, well, obviously I was flirting with Joe before.
I'm so mean, right? I'm so sorry. I'm like, okay, we get it.
Your boyfriend died. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I set the tone by ranting against children and wicked let me just ronnie you're wicked for good it's okay you're wicked for good i hear how i sound that was terrible but yes we know okay we get it so kizzy's like well obviously i was flirting with joe before and now that i know you have feelings i'm like

Speaker 1 and kathy's just like whatever she's just ignoring her because she knows she's with her and v is like oh yeah thanks for respecting that she's like oh yeah of course that's me girls girl also you didn't get joe because joe's not into you He's into V more than he is into you.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Yeah.
It's not like you gave up anything. You lost.
You lost. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Although it looks like later this season, it looks like, does Joe make out with Kathy? Is that what happens? Which makes me sad because I feel like I love Kathy and I don't want her to do that

Speaker 2 for a multitude of reasons. But I could be wrong.
We'll have to wait and see. So Aish and the other band, Max, is like, I love people and I don't like to create problem.

Speaker 2 And yesterday, I've been a problem.

Speaker 1 Aish is like, oh, well, Kizz has fucking dirty tactics and it actually wasn't cool

Speaker 2 and then

Speaker 2 Kizzy's trying to laugh off her behavior and she's like well you know I just got a bit trigger happy do you know what I mean and it was my first ep being single so I was like woohoo you understand Kathy right because

Speaker 2 I was feeling a bit stressed obviously after last night so you understand right right right and by the way the real victim is me because it wasn't the nicest thing to hear what you guys were saying across the hot tub for me

Speaker 1 Well, Kathy didn't say anything about you.

Speaker 1 And she says as much right now.

Speaker 1 And Kathy's like, well, I hope you know I didn't say anything bad. And like, whatever you heard that you weren't happy with, just talk it out.

Speaker 1 And she's like, well, I mean, it was more like, just say it to me. They said it right in front of your face.
Should they have broken you apart?

Speaker 1 Should they have pulled your tongue out of the French guy's mouth to tell you? You were standing right there. You could hear.
Give me a break.

Speaker 1 You didn't tell her when you wanted to go bone the guy that you knew she liked. Yeah.
You didn't tell him, you know, get out of here. With your heart.
Just communicate it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Kizzy's like, well, it's just, it was just more like, say it to me, say it to me. And Kathy's like, whatever.
It's between you two, okay?

Speaker 2 And I really don't understand anything you're saying because I don't speak slut.

Speaker 2 So Kizzy's like, well, listening to my two co-workers talk about how shit I am, it's not a very nice feeling. Although I love that I get to be said to have attention.

Speaker 1 And Aisha's like, well, I didn't say anything that wasn't true that I wouldn't say again to Kizzy's face. And I will do that if you give me 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 And Kizzy's like, well, it's just a shame because because I really get on with Aisha. So then we go to the other van and Aisha's like, why can't everyone just be fucking a dude?

Speaker 1 So then we go to the beach club and then we get a scene of what Captain Sandy's doing back at home. And she's lying on the couch.

Speaker 2 She very slowly settles in on that sofa in the bridge and she's like, ah, there we go.

Speaker 2 Finally, some privacy. I can lie down on the sofa that I'm always sitting on.
God, it's so fun to lie when you're sit.

Speaker 1 Geez, I've had a whole season pretending to be another woman, but it's nice to be back in white Capri pants, just chilling on the sofa. All right.

Speaker 2 I wonder what Lil Bear's up to.

Speaker 2 So back at the beach club, Aisha walks up to Kiz. She's like, oh, you're wrong.

Speaker 1 You're okay, every guy. I know she's very off.

Speaker 2 And she's like, well, you were kind of a bitch to me last night.

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh,

Speaker 2 because you guys were just chatting.

Speaker 1 Oh, in the hot tub.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you guys guys were just talking about me while I was there. Just just say it to me because it was all true.
And I'd be like, yeah, it's no, it's all true.

Speaker 2 But to hear it and not be able to say, yeah, you're right. Like, I don't know.
I just, I felt like I couldn't defend myself. Just, well.

Speaker 1 You were right there. You could have pulled your tongue out of that man's face and said, say it to my damn face, bitches.
You could have said it.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry that you don't like hearing, you know, a reflection of what you're doing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's like you were doing the thing they were literally commenting on. It's like a horse in a race getting upset that there's a commenter being like, hey,

Speaker 1 coming around the bend.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 1 I really didn't like you talking about me while I was coming around the bend. You were coming around.

Speaker 1 I was commenting that you were coming around, but then don't go around the bend, you fucking horse. I'm sick of these derbies.
These derby demas.

Speaker 2 If anyone wants to come around the bend, it's Kizzy. So Aisha, I love when Aisha did this.

Speaker 1 She goes, oh, I will always hit your face

Speaker 1 at the things I say when you're not there. And I just want you to know, I love you so much.
and I'm so happy that I met you, and I have so much fun with you.

Speaker 1 And all those other things are true as well.

Speaker 1 And she says, I do like Kizzy, but she's not a girl's girl. And hopefully, she'll reflect and she'll take something from it, or

Speaker 1 I'll try and take you all mad.

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 2 everyone's getting drinks, and um,

Speaker 2 now Max is talking to Kathy. He's like, Uh, Kathy, can I tell you something? I feel a bit bad about yesterday, I'm so sad.

Speaker 1 And she's like, Well, well, it's all right, you've got no ties to me, and I don't have any ties to you. It's just that I thought we were gonna maybe like hook up or something,

Speaker 1 and then I was like,

Speaker 1 I wasn't even there. Oh, you could have had all of this, this package of Kathy, having sex with you,

Speaker 1 with one part of me, while another part of me cleaned your cuticles while another part of me got the lint off the ceiling while another part of me recocked the bathroom.

Speaker 1 Do you understand what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 You could have had Kathy, but instead you went for Doonesbury. So Max is like, ugh.
I feel stupid about this. You know, like you are the girl that I love your personality.
I love who you are.

Speaker 2 I love that you just cleaned this table that we're sitting at. Well, you know, listen, let's just have a good time.
Thank you for being mature and just speaking to me.

Speaker 2 And I wasn't going to make out with you, but then I realized it would probably make Kizzy feel very bad. So see me in about five minutes.

Speaker 1 Listen, I wasn't going to make out with you, but I realized that making out with you would be making out with the dream of Kizzy winning something.

Speaker 1 Open up your mouth, dear.

Speaker 2 So now there's a moment of partying. Now Kizzy has moved on to Nathan.
They're like having a sexy sunscreen moment, like rubbing it on each other, and they're being very flirty.

Speaker 2 They're up close and personal.

Speaker 2 And everyone's being flirty.

Speaker 2 Kathy's undoing her bathing suit so Max can do the do her whole back and they're all like writhing around and Aisha's just by herself like Aisha's the only one who's voluntarily by herself Josh is also by himself but that's because I don't think people realize he's there and so everyone's just like horny and like literally grinding on each other it literally looked like it was Eric Neese's the grind because they were all just like grinding grinding up on a, on a, at a day club, you know?

Speaker 1 It reminds me of like nudie magazines back in the day when we were teenagers and you look in the back and they always had ads for swingers. They would be like swingers in Arizona.
Are you a swinger?

Speaker 1 And then they'd have like pictures of whoever the swingers were. And I just thought, God, why would you want to go to a party of a whole room of people that nobody wants to fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because those are. And I'm not saying like, if you're a swinger right now in real life, I'm not talking about you.

Speaker 1 I just mean specifically the people in those ads were always like it was like are you a swinger and then the pictures were like

Speaker 1 and i'm like oh i'm not going to that part who wants to have sex with any of you and that's kind of like watching a beat cast on below deck while try and make out for airtime it's just it's so it's so hard because when

Speaker 2 like usually the the the the bee casts the are better seasons because the focus is a little because they because they're a bee cast they don't like hook up as much or it's not it's not so much the emphasis so the emphasis is really on the work ethic and the and the charter guests but then when they're all attractive then you have what we had on like below deck last season and then you're like oh this is so tiresome watching these people like that they're just here to make out with each other so i think i'm going to go for like a homely crew over a hot crew but i do miss the days when you could get a hot crew and it would be about work ethic like that really toxic season of below deck with that super what when you had ashton and that super hot guy but they were so awful so like you could enjoy that they were hot but you could also be like enraged by their work ethic like that would those that was the dream back then, right?

Speaker 2 We didn't even know what we had.

Speaker 1 Well, Below Deck's always had people, like everybody's young and horny, right? So it's always been like, who are you going to hook up with? And then a couple people end up hooking up a season. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But now it's become like a new Love Island thing where it's a part of the show where everybody has to hook up all the time. And it's just, it's just try hard.

Speaker 1 It's like auditioning, but it's kind of like you're not getting paid enough to be an escort. You know what I mean? So I feel like you're giving all this away for free.
And it's just, it's just sad.

Speaker 1 You know, it used to be like you just had to clean and be a character. And now you have to like fully fuck ugly people on screen to get any time.
And I just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I just feel bad for them. I feel like they need to form a union and be like, we're not doing this anymore.
We don't want to make out with other homely people on a boat.

Speaker 1 How about we just go back to cleaning?

Speaker 1 Below deck workers' rights. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What happened to, we just want to work extraordinarily long hours for low pay.

Speaker 1 Our union is is for,

Speaker 2 that's what our union stands for.

Speaker 1 I know they're not even asking for more pay. They're just like, please, don't make me hook up with ugly people for screen time.

Speaker 2 We've had too many unions. We need a union against the union.
If you know what I'm saying, it's a wordplay union.

Speaker 1 Anti-union union.

Speaker 2 So now Captain Sandy is cooking herself like an omelette or something. She's like, yeah, that's how you do it.
That's what's, that's some good nonstick panning right there. Wow.

Speaker 1 love that is that a caraway

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 sorry is that a caraway hey thanks caraway thanks for sending ben and ronnie some some free pans this caraway looks just like a sunny side egg that's that's the color of this caraway pan i got from caraway caraway thank you so much for these lovely non-stick anti-toxic ceramic

Speaker 2 pans hey these are amazing bad news hey for some reason saying ceramic pan set my phone and to turn my phone on my phone thinks i'm talking to it right now i just just said ceramic pan. Oh, I see.

Speaker 2 Ceramic. The first part of that word is really good.
Okay, stop it now. I'm not talking to you.
Gotta say, choppy weather out there. We're gonna have to take this boat in.

Speaker 2 No toys on the outside, but toys on the inside. Everyone gets a caraway pan to play with.
Okay, enjoy yourself.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, Aisha is just dancing by herself crazily. You know, she's not just dancing like this.
She's like, ah,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 2 She's like in some weird 1992 music video. Just like there's like left and white, left and right sway.

Speaker 2 You know, I accidentally said left and white sway, but actually that works too. It was just a left and very white sway.

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Speaker 1 So now Joe and V are making, yeah, everybody's making out. And Kathy is grinding on Max and she's like, let's do a sex show.

Speaker 1 And he wants to kiss her. So they start making out.
And she says, I earned this. And he's like, oh, one of the best days of my life.

Speaker 1 And Kizzy sees it and she rolls her eyes. She's like, damn it.
Now, who am I going to make out with? Those damn puppies.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 and so they were like, Josh is,

Speaker 2 Josh is now talking to Kizzy. And he's like, you were the top shagger last night.
And she's like, I was. I won.

Speaker 1 Ha ha. Ha.

Speaker 2 Well, I might as well get everyone. I mean, look, let's see.
I've already gotten Max. I'm going to get Nathan later today.
And then tomorrow I'll get Joe.

Speaker 2 And that'll be absolutely everyone I could make out with. Right? Josh.

Speaker 1 Every single penis on the boat. I've made out with Dick, Slick, and Rick,

Speaker 1 the homely men who we never see, who actually run the boat. The shadow captain.

Speaker 1 I've made out the lighting guy, the camera guy.

Speaker 1 The guy that throws the rips.

Speaker 2 The guy who throws the rips to one of the

Speaker 2 provisions. Provisions.

Speaker 1 I've let Norma touch my bum.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the person who drives the vans. Really, I really can't think of anyone else.

Speaker 1 So I guess that's it. He's like just sitting there with his tongue out, like, uh.

Speaker 2 So there's more kissing and more kissing and more kissing. And Nathan's like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 2 Because I guess Nathan and Kizzy are kissing now. And Kizzy's like, I'm doing this for the women of our nation.
I'm like the suffragettes.

Speaker 2 I keep, I'm helping women get the rights to the meaningless snog, everyone.

Speaker 1 Everyone, we've already, women have already had that right. Women, you're not making anything up by having a meaningless slog, okay?

Speaker 2 Meaningless snog. You know, I like this.

Speaker 1 She's already framing it.

Speaker 1 You're a slog, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not even a slut-shaming thing. Listen, I'm a gay man.
I believe in.

Speaker 1 Fucking who you can. You know what I mean? Look, when you can.
I'm an aging gay. Okay.
Take it where you can get it. Okay.
I'm not passing up a Costco sample, but you're just,

Speaker 1 I think with Kizzy, it's just sad because she just wants to win something and there's just no winning in this game.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's like, she's like entering into smaller and smaller state fairs. And like eventually,

Speaker 2 it's like, how many apple pies can you bring to the to the fair? So Aisha is like

Speaker 2 Aisha is.

Speaker 1 She's becoming like one of those people they bring on American, onto American Idol just to rip them apart. She's like that person who's like, oh they're not talented and they just bring them on.

Speaker 2 She's the person who was on American Idol and then is on X Factor and then is on like GMT presents best singer of Christmas. And you're like, it's like worse and worse.

Speaker 2 So Aisha, she has like an out of left field read.

Speaker 2 It's not that it's out of left field. It just takes a twist that I was not expecting, which again, I think she's being kind of savage this episode.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, look at them. Kizzy and Nathan.
Their tongues are like cave explorers searching for something that they're not quite getting. Kizzy's tongue is searching for attention.

Speaker 1 And Nathan's tongue is searching for a way to be a better person. I was like, whoa,

Speaker 1 damn. Damn.

Speaker 1 Collateral damage. She's always smiling, so you never think it's going to come out of her mouth, but it's like, whoa, there's another kind of accurate read, actually, if you think about it.
So then

Speaker 1 everybody's still making out and V, Josh, Max are sitting together watching people make out. or watching Kizzy and Nathan make out.
And Max is like, oh, oh, Nathan Only is busy.

Speaker 1 And V is like, are you okay about that? And he's like, oh, I prefer Kathy anyway. You put out

Speaker 1 Putin.

Speaker 1 All of the sexual attention is exploding off everyone's faces. And you know what? I'm not actually mad about it.

Speaker 2 Of course, you're not mad because you get to do your crazy sway dance on the sidewalk over there.

Speaker 2 I feel like I've never been to a concert for Enigma, but I feel like that's how everyone dances at it, right?

Speaker 1 Like, hey,

Speaker 1 hey,

Speaker 1 hey, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like people from Grand Theft Auto Dancing with the extras. You have to go in the club.

Speaker 2 But you have to go in the strip club.

Speaker 2 It's like the rotoscoping went awry.

Speaker 1 So Josh is upset, you know, and he's playing his little guitar. And he's like, why am I still single as fuck? Farm and go with a big bum.
Oh, I guess that's screwed.

Speaker 1 This is why you're not getting laid, dude. You're a clown and you're

Speaker 1 the guy with a guitar who can play two chords and can't rhyme an improvised song. Just everything about you is unfuckable right now, okay? You just need to rethink your strategy.

Speaker 2 There's an amazing shot they capture of him just sitting at the edge of the pool, and he's next to Nathan and Kizzy making out in the pool, and Joe and V making out right next to him.

Speaker 2 He's just like wedged in between these two couples, making out, and he's just there alone, just like okay. I'm trying not to break.

Speaker 1 Trying not to break.

Speaker 1 You're the unfuckable meat in a fuck sandwich. You're just like the buffer between two fucking pieces of bread.
Yeah. So sad, but it's your fault.

Speaker 1 Put down the guitar, cut your hair, stop pretending you like yoga and

Speaker 1 retreats and just go back to the abusive, evil chef that you know you are. The chef that like takes someone's head and shoves it down into a hot plate when they fuck with you.
That's what's sexy.

Speaker 2 That's, yeah, that's, that's what, all of a sudden they're going to like you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So now Joe and V are having an annoying conversation. Joe's like, you're so cool.
And he's, and she's like, you're so scared of me, though.

Speaker 1 I don't want to push you. I know.

Speaker 2 I want, like, I want, I want to enjoy this journey.

Speaker 2 But it's got an expedient date. Like, let's just see how it goes, obviously.
But I'm not looking elsewhere. I'm going to explore this emotion because it's very new for me.

Speaker 1 Oh, please, let's take it slowly. And she's like, oh, God.
So wait, wait, wait. No, I have to unpack this.
It's got an expiration date. What does that mean?

Speaker 1 Because they're only on a boat for a certain amount of time. It doesn't mean it has an expiration date.
And then when he says, um, I'm not looking elsewhere.

Speaker 1 So you're basically committing to her right now. That's the I want to close it off relationship that you're having, you know, like we're going to close this.
We're going to close it off.

Speaker 1 Even though I'm scared, I'm trusting you on the journey.

Speaker 1 And that's where he goes wrong.

Speaker 2 Yes. Stupid.
It is. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And I think he really feels like he's being deep right now, which then I think makes him feel like he's being more mature, which then makes him feel like he's not on the wrong path.

Speaker 2 And we see this, we see this cycle every single season with these idiots. So

Speaker 2 he's going to say again, he's, though, okay, so he's saying, I haven't felt this way before. And now we get

Speaker 2 one of the strangest blow deck backstories. We get a lot of weird ones on Blow Deck.

Speaker 2 Like it's actually one of my favorite traditions when they wedge in a backstory to explain why someone can't tie a knot.

Speaker 2 It's like, well, I'm not, I can't, I couldn't tie that knot because I got very scared under pressure because when I was young, my mom worked three jobs.

Speaker 2 So I had to drive the family car when I was six years old. Like, we get shit like that, and that was like very tense time for me.
So, this one is Joe's backstory about his last real relationship.

Speaker 2 And I don't seem to remember this story coming up his last season. He's like, Seven years ago, that was my last real relationship.

Speaker 2 I generally thought, You're gonna marry this woman, you can have kids with this woman, stuff like that. So, I moved to Spain and she stayed in Liverpool.

Speaker 2 And I said, Let's see if I can get a life on myself. Then you can move in with me.

Speaker 1 I'm like, You're acting like you're like fival or something like that.

Speaker 2 You're like going off on the Titanic to start a better life and like hoping like you're going to send the money back. It's like, dude, like it's fine.

Speaker 2 So he's like, I was in real estate and I sold a house to somebody that was a fraud and he put a fake deposit on. It bounces back.
But in that time, he steals all my furniture. I'm like, was this Mia?

Speaker 2 Was this Mia Thornton that you sold it to?

Speaker 1 Why were you giving the keys to somebody whose deposit didn't go through? What kind of idiot are you?

Speaker 1 This is fishy. This is all very very fishy.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And so in that time, he stole all the furniture from the house. It was Mia Thornton and Ink in there stealing all the furniture.
And he's like, but what happened with me?

Speaker 1 And then we see him, we see a selfie. And this is where the real drama comes in.
We see a selfie of him and it's him chubbier and he's holding a loaf of bread. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I think that that explained everything. That explains this whole thing.
He used to be chubby and addicted to carbs and now he's skinnier and he's going to fuck everything and anything that he can.

Speaker 1 And that's it. He's not going to commit.
He used to be chubby and he loved bread. Yeah.
That's it. He gave up bread for puteté and he's going to get the pusse as much as he can.

Speaker 1 He can say whatever else he wants, but that's all I needed was the picture of him chubby with a loaf of bread.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then he, and by the way, we also see a picture of him in his like real estate days.
He was like 19 years old. You shouldn't have been doing real estate.

Speaker 2 You're too young to be doing real estate. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Also, who, I mean, like, he also himself looked like a fraud real estate person, just the way he was dressed. He did.

Speaker 1 So that's, that's what's fishy. I think he was the fraud real estate person.

Speaker 1 I don't even know it was the other person. He's fishy.
He did something.

Speaker 2 So he goes, I lost my job. I lost the apartment.
I ended up sleeping in my car.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm not worthy for this woman.

Speaker 2 So I just cut cords. And since that day, I've never had a butterfly feeling for a girl since then.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 So you were too embarrassed that you got like.

Speaker 2 ensnared in some fraud ring that you're living in your car that you're like i can't be with the woman i love who could possibly help me in this situation come on like this nothing about the story makes any sense And like that still shouldn't get, that shouldn't still get in the way of you falling in love with someone.

Speaker 2 Like it's normally that someone breaks up with you and dumps you and you're so wounded that you can't open your heart for someone else.

Speaker 2 It's not that you dump someone else and therefore you can't open your heart because you were too ashamed because of some fraud that you stepped into. Like nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like I'm traumatized from the girl I dumped.

Speaker 2 No, it's 100% what you said. It's like, oh, I used to be chubby.
I used to love bread. I got into really good shape.

Speaker 2 I have muscles now and I want to fuck around because I never had this moment before in my life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll settle down when I'm bald, you know, is what he's saying.

Speaker 1 So he's like, I only go into a relationship. And she goes, um, it's been like seven years, dude.
And he goes, but I need to be with someone that is capable to meet my mom.

Speaker 1 And, oh, God, another fuckboy thing. Only cares about my mom's feelings.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Appreciate that I've got about. And she goes, oh, you've got walls.
And he's like, yeah, God, every fuck, it's like the greatest fuckboy hits.

Speaker 1 it's like one of those like great cds you buy at the end of a 90s show where they list like a hundred that's what i call

Speaker 1 um so she's like oh she gives me similarities of my ex like it could be a potential serious relationship but it's actually really scary to me so i'm trying to manage it okay so what he's saying here is she reminds me of my ex who I was never good enough for.

Speaker 1 So what he's going to do is fuck this girl. and then he's gonna fuck her over and say, I knew I could never be good enough for you.
Yep. And that's why I did this.
I'm just a bad person.

Speaker 1 I warned you in the beginning.

Speaker 2 That's 100% right.

Speaker 1 So exhausting, these guys. Oh my God.
Whatever happened to good old school fuckboys who just fucked you, left you and didn't apologize.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'd rather that than have to listen to you fake cry for weeks.

Speaker 2 I know. The new fuckboy is just so exhausting.

Speaker 1 The worst thing we ever did was send a fuckboy to therapy where they could learn how to speak therapy speak and tell women exactly what they want to hear, you know, which is, oh, I'm hurting inside and I'm traumatized.

Speaker 1 And if I did anything wrong, it's because I'm feelings and I have trauma. And they're like, oh my God.
And they start crying and then fuck them again. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 1 therapy has unleashed an unstoppable brand of fuckboy onto this world. And we need to stop letting them into therapy.

Speaker 2 An unstoppable brand.

Speaker 2 So V, I like V's way of using therapy talk. She goes, well, I have walls too.
But I came on board and I was like, oh, whatever.

Speaker 2 She's like, yeah, who cares? So now Nathan is still making out with Kizzy in the pool

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 Max's care. They're just all making out.
It's all the usual stuff. Partying and fun and yada yada.
And Nathan's talking to Joe and he's asking, like, he's like, what's the crack with you and V?

Speaker 2 You and V, our vibe.

Speaker 1 And he's like, we are, mate. We are.
She has walls. I have walls.
We're taking it to low-skill expeditate. And I got into fraud once.
Oh, it's so emotional. It's like, ah.

Speaker 1 She's got walls, I've got walls. It's almost like we're building a home, which deposit has been taken back on, and now the furniture is missing, and I'm not good enough for her.
Fuck me, Nathan.

Speaker 1 Fuck me now.

Speaker 1 Too many wars have come in between us.

Speaker 1 Too many wars, haven't it?

Speaker 1 He's a big happy dennis fan.

Speaker 1 So Nathan's like, be open to it, bro, because it's special. It's special for you.

Speaker 1 And he's like, bro, i told her there's an experty expiry well how do you how does he say it bro i told her there's an expiry get out of here so okay so you just opened up to her and told her that you wanted to commit her commit to her and have no one else

Speaker 2 but hey i warned her there's an expiration date so fuck her i mean i actually that's the that's the thing that i i object to the least amount it's at least saying hey just so you know I'm not planning on doing this much longer than this season.

Speaker 2 And then we're going off to something. Like I like at least setting an N expectation.

Speaker 1 uh it's like the one honest thing that he did but uh well before he told her he wanted to commit to her and not go for anything i want to see what he does

Speaker 2 he does the both things well it's like a short-term loan that's a commitment for only a certain amount of time um

Speaker 2 so they uh so now joe's like that reminds me of me ex like you got to stop talking about your ex okay you just got it this is already dangerous um but he may also use that as an excuse later excuse later he'll be like oh my goodness i can't help but see things i see things in her, things in her that I saw in my ex, things I didn't like in me ex and I'm seeing them again.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I can get past it. So he may turn that against her.

Speaker 1 I'm living in my car all over again. There's no bathroom for me ex.

Speaker 1 Oh no, I just had a headline that there's a Airbnb somewhere in Atlanta that has no furniture. I can't deal with this anymore.

Speaker 1 So now Kizzy and V are talking about kissing Nathan. And Kizzy's like, why not?

Speaker 1 It's for women everywhere. Am I right?

Speaker 1 And then it's time to leave and head home. And so

Speaker 1 now everybody's tired. People are sleeping in the van and stuff.
And in the other van, people are telling Nathan he burnt himself, you know, and Aisha's texting Scott. She's like, oh, I miss you so

Speaker 1 much.

Speaker 2 And then Josh and Nathan are talking and Josh is like, how you feeling, man?

Speaker 2 And Nathan's like, I'm feeling good, but you know, like, I think all that shit I'm getting all the same time from the captain, and like, it's just a lot. He's like, Oh, it's been on your mind a bit.

Speaker 2 He's like, Yeah, it's coming on me shoulders. I'm just a wee bit.
We relax a bit weed too much. I mean, thank God I got to make out with Kizzy today.

Speaker 2 I mean, thank God we all got to make out with someone, right? I mean, it was just such a relief. Even Huey Dewey and Louie on the boat got to make out with some people.

Speaker 2 Wasn't it so nice to finally put your tongue against someone else's tongue, Josh? He's like,

Speaker 1 Don't know.

Speaker 1 I think I saw you making making out over there.

Speaker 1 It was a guitar, was it? All right.

Speaker 2 Was it a red balloon you were making out with?

Speaker 1 I saw you sticking your penis into what it was a tiny balloon or a tiny horn, was it? Teeny, tiny little horn with the

Speaker 1 at the end of it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Aisha calls Scott, and you know, it sounds like how you'd think it would.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a siren is broken outside.

Speaker 2 Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 2 She just tells him it was fun. And then now people are doing things, and Kizzy is now in Aisha's cabin.
She's like, Do you know what's really fucking funny?

Speaker 2 I feel like at one point I had all the boys on a string. I could have had any of them.
And now my only other option is Nathan. I don't want him.
I just want a snog. Only boy left is Nathan.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 what a shame. No other men but Nathan.

Speaker 1 So now we go to Joe and Nathan's cabin and they're talking about Kizzy. And Nathan's like, oh my God, what the fuck's going on with me and Kizzy? Hey,

Speaker 1 he's like, I'm not mad into it. I mean, fuck, I just, I miss Gail.
But I was thinking about her before I joined the board. And now I've fucking misbehaved.
Now, what do you reckon? Well, yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 you miss your supermodel

Speaker 1 ex.

Speaker 1 Poor Kizzy, though, she really does have a track record of making out with the guy. And then they're like, oh, yeah, you know what? You made me realize? I really like that other girl better.

Speaker 2 I also don't think that Nathan should feel bad.

Speaker 2 If they were on a break, I think it's okay that he kissed Kizzy in the pool, honestly.

Speaker 1 Well, I think he was trying to win back Gail.

Speaker 2 Well, I think that.

Speaker 2 Or maybe the break wasn't real. Maybe it was like an artificial break for the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 maybe, because he's still calling Gail. I mean, if he's true.

Speaker 1 If he's trying to win Gail back and he's still calling her from the boat to get emotional support and stuff like that, then, I mean, it's not great for your track record. But hey,

Speaker 1 she's having your baby now. So I guess that worked out.

Speaker 2 So he also changed his hair. He cut his hair.
I don't know if you saw that.

Speaker 1 It didn't help. It actually made it look worse.
Why?

Speaker 2 He looks more like Luke, the sexual assaulter from Low Deck Down Under. I was like, no, how did that happen?

Speaker 1 I think Nathan's actually so

Speaker 1 cute. What a weird call.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I think Nathan is so cute. And I know like that he sort of does have that like Friar Tuck thing going on, but like, he can't help that.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I feel like I kind of like his haircut that he has now more. I don't know.

Speaker 1 He's so cute. You know, Nathan is cute.
And Nathan is a sweet guy.

Speaker 2 And he's like one of my favorites, actually.

Speaker 1 I'm almost, I'm pretty resentful, actually. of Bravo for making me not like Nathan this season because of the way that they did the trailers.
Oh.

Speaker 1 By making it look like he was with Gail, then he cheated on Gail. And then we found out that he's not with Gail.
He's on a break. So it's fine for him to do whatever.

Speaker 1 But because I already had that in my head, I just think of him as a cheater and a shithead. And I don't like him.
You know what I have to say? And I know it's not rational, but I just don't.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you don't deserve this job. You're not good enough to have this job, which I actually do believe.
I believe that they promoted him for TV and not for any real reasons.

Speaker 1 But, you know, it's not really fair. He didn't do anything wrong.

Speaker 2 I have to say, I really enjoy Nathan.

Speaker 2 I think that Nathan may be like one of the best boatsuns they've ever had not in terms of like um skill what not skill not skill not skill just in terms of likability you know a lot of times the boatswains are like on power trips and they're awful and they are condescending or they're just but like i i think that he's like he's such a sweet guy and i feel like I feel like he will be a good boatswain at one point, but like he is kind of flailing all over the place right now.

Speaker 2 But I just, there's something very likable about him. I really like him a lot.
And I feel like we don't always talk about who we really like. I mean, what what are the other boatswains that we've had?

Speaker 2 I mean, they're all, it's like Eddie.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. That's not even.
It's just going to end. It's just going to end up in a fountain of rage.
Yeah. Ashley.
Which won't even

Speaker 1 go there.

Speaker 2 Ashton had a good first season because he almost died. And then when he was bosun, he just went downhill.

Speaker 1 Oh, then he went just, he got just terrible. Terrible.
Just terrible. Terrible.
Terrible. Well, you know,

Speaker 1 the only boatswain I can remember being truly likable and just lovely, and I think the audience completely loved them

Speaker 1 was Malia.

Speaker 1 JK.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Nathan's like, well, with Kizzy, it wasn't anything romantic.

Speaker 1 It was just, you know, I was trying to avoid reality, you know, because I've been up to my fucking eyeballs and worked and shit this season.

Speaker 1 And I just like, I don't know, just thinking about how much I miss Gail. You know, everything about life is just spinning around in my head, and I don't even know where I stand anymore.

Speaker 1 So I'd like to thank Kizzy for being another man that realized after kissing Kizzy that he wanted anything else but Kizzy.

Speaker 2 It's the next morning, time to wake up, time for another chart. It's like, it sort of feels like the episode's over, but it's like, oh, that's right.
There's a whole literal second half.

Speaker 2 So everyone wakes up and everyone's like cleaning and there's some hugging, et cetera. And Captain Sandy's like, hey, had evening goal.
Was it good? You guys have a fun time. Guess what I did?

Speaker 2 I laid down on that couch. Real comfortable.
Good back support. Just want to let you know.
But anyway, have a great day, everyone.

Speaker 1 Guess what I did? I watched a whole season of a show. Guess what it was called?

Speaker 2 Little Rascals.

Speaker 1 Just kidding. It was called Wind.

Speaker 2 Hey, by the way,

Speaker 2 make sure this boat's in pristine condition. By this time tomorrow morning, if this boat's not in pristine condition, you will never be able to have a child.
Child, child.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I also watched Into the Woods, so I was just really into

Speaker 2 which

Speaker 2 ultimatums.

Speaker 1 So Isha's like, well, for this charter, we're gonna switch you guys this time. How fun is that?

Speaker 1 I think it'd be good to take turns. So Kizzy, can you please step into laundry this morning? It's the only place there's no one to stick your tongue into.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Then please don't think about using the lint trap because that's very dangerous for your tongue. So no.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Kizzy tells us, between Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding, I think I sympathize more with Tanya because she worked so hard and had it rough. I mean, shocker.
I know, what a shocker.

Speaker 1 She's a Tanya Harding fan. No fucking kidding.
God, I could have predicted that shit. Yeah.
Crazy.

Speaker 2 I mean, fucking breaking someone's knees probably isn't the best way to go about it. And just to be clear, I'm not going to hire someone to club Kathy's knees.
Maybe a big toe.

Speaker 1 But you are trying to. You are trying to club knees and hurt feelings and get, you know, make those little maneuvers.
And just like Tanya Harding, you're still losing, stupid. Keep trying.

Speaker 2 God, don't you feel so lucky that we lived through that? What a great stupid scandal.

Speaker 1 That was so good. That was such a good scandal because.
Nancy Kerrigan was like this perfect little angel and she was so talented.

Speaker 1 And Tanya Harding was like this rough and tumble girl who's like, fuck that girl. So she got her boyfriend, Jeff Galluli, to go tap her in the knees.
And then she took her down.

Speaker 1 And then everyone's like oh my god fuck Tanya Harding what a bitch and she became this huge national villain and then Kathy Nancy Kerrigan won the gold medal so she got to go to Disneyland she won some silver because Oksana Bayule came out of nowhere and won gold remember and then she then she drove off a road somewhere because she was she was like drunk driving, you know, which is yeah, so she got some medal.

Speaker 1 So she was a hero because she got beat up or capped in the knees. And so they made her, they invited her to Disneyland to be on a float.
Do you remember? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then she went on the float and everyone's like, oh my God, it's Nancy Kerrigan. Oh my God.
And she got caught. Some lip reader caught her saying something like, oh, God, fuck all these people.

Speaker 1 I fucking hate this. Get me out this fucking thing.
And then Nancy Kerrigan became a national villain. And so they both ended up losing in the end.

Speaker 2 And well, and also like Nancy Kerrigan's story.

Speaker 2 But also like the fact that it like climaxed on an on a global stage at the Olympics, like that could not have been any more perfect.

Speaker 2 The only thing that sucked about it was that it took place in Norway. And so it was like, like it wasn't like live on TV for us here in America.
And so it was like we like by like 4 p.m.

Speaker 2 or like by 3 p.m. like news had already come out.
Like Nancy Gerrigan wins the silver medal. Like, oh, you spoiled it.
Like, like, it was such an exciting thing.

Speaker 2 And then Tanya, remember, she like went out there and then like her laces were too tight.

Speaker 2 So she like went over to the judges and put her foot up on the judges thing and she starts crying, like, it's too tight, it's too tight, let me do it over.

Speaker 2 It was just so crazy, it was such, it was like literally one of the craziest things. And then, like, it was then like three months later, we got OJ.
Like, what a great span. What a great span for us.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those were crazy times. Wow.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

Speaker 1 See you over there, suckers.

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