#3088 Below Deck Med S10E09 Part 2: Good Ol’ Unreliable Nathan

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Speaker 1 Watch what

Speaker 1 Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. This is part two of a two-part recap.
If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps.

Speaker 1 Go back and listen to part one, Okay. It's before this one.

Speaker 1 Bye. Enjoy the show.

Speaker 1 So now we go to Joe and V and Joe is like, I've got a good feeling about this charter. What about you? And Nathan, oh, whatever.
Nathan, sorry. And he's like, oh, I'm really excited.

Speaker 1 It could be a good challenge just to really do the decky part.

Speaker 1 We know it's coming. So everybody gets to work.
And then we see Captain Sandy, you know, like, look at me. Just because I'm a captain doesn't mean I don't work.
Look at me. Hand me a chamois.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a window.

Speaker 1 This window's filthy. This is disgusting.
This is disgusting. I want the whole deck crew up here.
We need a preference sheet meeting before I yell at Nathan.

Speaker 2 Okay, everyone, preference sheet, but it's an angry preference sheet meeting. And it's not even a sheet.
It's an iPad. Preference iPad.
But I prefer, you know, like I prefer Zoom.

Speaker 2 you know, but that's just neither here or there. Okay, the next two days, co-primaries, Camille and Patricia with the J.
Think about it. With a J.
Yeah, where's the J?

Speaker 2 I'll let you figure that one out. They're celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.

Speaker 1 Ooh, I'll take it over over here in the steam preference sheet meeting. He wants to treat his friends Imrod, Andrew McGaren, Dr.
Carla, Dr. Rossi, and Mike to a dream vacation.

Speaker 2 Why does that sound like a murder mystery?

Speaker 1 It really does.

Speaker 1 Itinerary requests. On day one, the guests want to indulge in the water toys that the yacht has to offer.
Everything goes out, people.

Speaker 2 within five minutes i want to see all those water toys god i love singing my greatest hits god if they're put the water slide out put the little crocodile the inflatable crocodile put the banana out put the put the naughty boys out if you got a yo-yo throw it in the ocean every single toy out there right away

Speaker 1 The group would love to have a romantic party set in ancient times like Cleopatra and Mark Anthony.

Speaker 1 Do you know what happened in that relationship?

Speaker 1 They want to have a special romance like O.J. Simpson and Nicole Brown.

Speaker 2 As long as we're talking about 1994. Am I right?

Speaker 1 They're requesting a night to dinner theme of sexy nightlife of Spain. And they would like a little taste of Tapas sucking pig from Madrid and intense seafoods from Barcelona.

Speaker 1 You know, these themes are very out of the box.

Speaker 2 Are they? Tapas. Tapas in Spain.
Topas.

Speaker 1 Come on, Josh.

Speaker 1 Josh, you're proving not to be the worst chef in the world, but seriously.

Speaker 2 Hey, wait, here's an out-of-the-box theme. Intense seafood from Barcelona.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Suckling pig. Ooh.

Speaker 1 Crazy intense seafoods. Oh.

Speaker 1 Yes. And tapas.

Speaker 2 You know, I've gone skinny dipping with a bunch of hippies, drinking ayahuasca in the sacred valleys of Peru, playing guitar with the drummer from Queen.

Speaker 2 Although I'm pretty sure that when I played guitar with the drummer from Queen, I was still on my ayahuasca trip, so I cannot verify that that actually happened.

Speaker 2 But the point is, I've never been to me.

Speaker 1 And then we see the photo of Josh naked with rose petals all over his demeanor as he reaches towards the sky. And the sky says, no, I'd just fuck any man, really.

Speaker 1 I'm right here.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 2 So now on the bridge, Joe and V are talking about how excited they are for the charter. And Sandy goes, oh, oh, by the way, one other thing.

Speaker 2 When that sun starts to come up, the boat better be clean on the outside. Otherwise, 40 years of, you know, on and off weather, it could happen.
So that's just my threat to you.

Speaker 1 You know, in the beginning of this season, Nathan had a rocky start because he didn't have a strong deck team. And, you know, now, now he has a strong crew and he's still struggling.

Speaker 1 And we're heading into Charter 5. And this is the third charter with this new deck team.
And I got big expectations, buddy. Okay.
So I want to see Nathan take charge. I want to see him delegate.

Speaker 1 And I have a smooth running deck, fresh in the decks all the time. I'm going to be paying attention.
All right. Greens.
Greens.

Speaker 1 Nothing but greens. All right.

Speaker 2 Let's get to it.

Speaker 2 And just remember: when the at the strike, at the stroke of midnight, if I see a streak on this window, then you all will be sleeping for the next eight hours or so as mandated by the employee handbook.

Speaker 1 Okay, good night, everyone.

Speaker 1 It's the last midnight.

Speaker 1 It's the last curse. So we see everybody getting ready for charter and, you know, Kizzy's miserable in laundry, love to see it.

Speaker 1 And so they have to get in their whites and Max is bringing Kathy a a mug of coffee or tea and she's like oh a man after my own heart i'm sorry i'll really know he wants to get married when there's a bit of doughnut in here

Speaker 1 ack

Speaker 2 So uh Max is like, oh yeah, congratulations.

Speaker 2 Um, so Kathy's getting her two stripes, and um, she's like, Kizzy might have beat me to my man, but she will not beat me at my job.

Speaker 2 And it's all it's all exciting.

Speaker 1 And Asha says, Coming into charter five, I'm worried worried that there's going to be to be a bit of residual tension between Kathy and Kizzy after the kiss.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to shower everybody with positivity.

Speaker 1 Well, maybe not. I'll read them for filth, but I'll say it with a very positive tone and a smile on my face.

Speaker 2 So the guests. The guests arrive and Sandy's like, hello everyone.
Welcome to the boat. This is a beautiful boat and we have all sorts of fun things for you.
We got toys, so many toys.

Speaker 2 You can't even imagine how many toys there will be. But if by dawn the next morning and the sun is rising, the toys are not back in the boat, then you and your families will suffer a terrible feat.

Speaker 2 You might get sunburned.

Speaker 1 Here's what I want to see before the sun rises on this boat.

Speaker 1 One, the cow is white as milk. Two, the chamois is red as blood.
Three.

Speaker 2 Is someone going to take these napkins from us? Is someone going to take these napkins from us?

Speaker 1 Damn it, foiled again.

Speaker 2 You know, when someone's going to cast a magic spell, you really should listen to all the bullet points.

Speaker 1 So the guests come and Imron, some guy named Enron, interrupts everything, interrupts the welcome. And he's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, someone should probably take our clothes from us. That would be nice.

Speaker 1 Mike, you are not even the primary. As usual.
How dare you, Imron?

Speaker 2 Always the guy who's not the primary is going to make the splash. So yeah, he basically interrupts Sandy's little introduction to demand that someone take the towels from their hands.

Speaker 2 God forbid they hold on to it for five seconds while Sandy

Speaker 2 is the cloths. Yeah, it's like little cloths.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So then I demand you take all of our clothes from us right now. Okay, that's kind of an odd request.

Speaker 2 Well, he does, he does basically say, I need my laundry done. In fact, as they go on the tour, he's like, um, I need to do laundry ASAP.
Is there like a servant you can send to do this for us?

Speaker 2 And she's like,

Speaker 1 is he a servant?

Speaker 1 Oh, God, that was pretty gross. And she starts laughing.
And she's like, I think this guy thinks he's being funny. And he goes, yeah, this is the guy you've been worried about.

Speaker 1 His friend says, this is the guy you've been worried about. She goes, well, I'll grant him the grace that this might be a joke.
But if there isn't, there might be an uprising amongst the servants.

Speaker 2 She should meet Ramona Singer, who literally called them servants without a wink and a nod on that one season of New York.

Speaker 1 She's like, we're the servants.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Josh is preparing in the galley and they're leaving the dock. And, you know, it's the usual stuff like, you know, lines and anchors and things like that.
And

Speaker 1 Kizzy is sad. This is funny.
Yeah. Kizzy has to do the laundry and she's like, oh, God, Imron's laundry stinks, which I love for Imran because he's going to come on here and be a jerk.
And

Speaker 1 everyone hates him and he's smelly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but also laundry should stink. I will allow him that.
Like, I mean, Kizzy, what are you expecting?

Speaker 2 So then Imron. She's making out with it.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, hey,

Speaker 1 I'm doing this for other women everywhere.

Speaker 2 Well, there's no other eligible men to make out with, unfortunately. So Imron's like, I mean, guys, I mean, how do, like, how do I call the servants? Like, what do I call them? I mean, servants.

Speaker 2 They're servants. Aren't they servants? What else do we call them? Servants and this.
You know, his friends are mortified. They're like, oh, my God.
We can't believe it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're like, please stop. God, please.
Jeez, please stop. So now Josh is wrapping grape leaves.
I love a man who can wrap a grape leaf. Listen.

Speaker 1 You're suddenly hot to me, sir. And then we go to Nathan, who is in the bridge with Sandy, and he's like, can I just leave the flaters inflated? The fenders, sorry.
Can I leave the fenders inflated?

Speaker 1 Can I leave the flaters and fenders?

Speaker 2 What was that?

Speaker 2 If you, oh, see, this is, this is what happened. You didn't clean the windows by dawn.
Now you've been cursed. You've been cursed to save the cat.

Speaker 1 Cow is white as milk, chamois red as blood. Hair is yellow as corn.
Slippers pure as gold.

Speaker 2 So he's like, hey, Nathan, just remember one thing. Nice is different than good.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 So he's like,

Speaker 2 can I just leave the fenders inflated? She's because

Speaker 2 we are pros, remember? I mean, we're not a floating trailer park. Jeez, this guy over here.

Speaker 1 So now

Speaker 1 the boat is like wobbling, you know, or like waving or whatever. And a guest falls in her chair.
And then a dryer door hits Kizzy in the head. And then I cheer for a dryer door.

Speaker 1 And then Sandy starts looking out at the water with her binoculars. And she's like, oh my God, a live version of my favorite show is coming to town.
Wind.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, look at that. And they actually show us the waves.
For the first time ever, they actually put a little graph of it. It's like, look, there's the waves.
Look how big they are.

Speaker 2 I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 Normally, we just take their word for it. But sure.

Speaker 2 We got a dock.

Speaker 1 We got a dock. Nathan, Nathan, get to the bridge.
And then she tells us, Now, listen, sometimes there's storms and they're happening in other places where you have wind effects.

Speaker 1 So I'd like to introduce my new spin-off show to Netflix: Wind Effects.

Speaker 1 May not be actually windy, but you're still suffering the consequences. Starring the girl from revenge.

Speaker 2 So everyone,

Speaker 2 everyone? Okay, okay. So, oh, so, oh, sorry.
I thought I was going to go talk to the guests, but I decided. That was just my practice.

Speaker 2 Let's see what else is happening in the boat before I go and tell the guests what's happening. I just, okay, wait, let me try that again.
So, everyone, yeah, that's a good starter. I like that.

Speaker 2 So, everyone.

Speaker 2 It's a good way to start the conversation okay ash uh uh you have to tell the guests we have to go back to the dock because we're gonna go because it swells it's lost i'm overwhelmed i saw so many big waves out there the wind is actually happening in real life it's so exciting my heart's racing

Speaker 1 yeah we're gonna go to villanova because it's you know just for the night it's a nice protected marina and tomorrow our hope is to be able to get off the dock but we're gonna have to see how many episodes of wind effects are released and so nathan is back in the bridge with her and she's like weather update just came through Oh my god, we're in trouble So now Asia goes to tell the guests and she's like well Sandy said to let you know that the swell is picking up a lot So we're gonna head into the marina and you can watch all episodes now on Netflix

Speaker 1 For a limited time only

Speaker 2 So they're docking and so normally Norma Lee, hey, that was a joke. Pana Norma, Lee.

Speaker 2 As if she could get with Captain.

Speaker 1 Norma. Remember? It's like when I said Norma, Lee.
He didn't even want to fuck her.

Speaker 2 So normally.

Speaker 2 I'm never gonna be able to say normally normal again. Oh, wow.
I sound like I'm doing something.

Speaker 2 Hey, that could be a great song for Into the Woods as well. Normally, Norma cannot be normal.

Speaker 1 Right? That's good. That's red play.

Speaker 2 It takes two.

Speaker 1 Norma, Lee. Normally, why can't you be normal?

Speaker 1 Normally.

Speaker 1 So it's time for docking. And V is like, oh, God, it's so hard hard to be professional around Joe.
I mean, I just look at him and I'm like, I want to kiss you. But I mean, we're on charter.

Speaker 1 So professional handshake, not blushing. Don't look into your eyes, not seeing the sparkling.
I'm nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Speaker 1 You're an idiot. You're an idiot.
Okay. Have you not seen this show before? Have you not listened to half the things he's told you? I don't feel for you, V.
No. Back away.
Back away.

Speaker 2 So they usually, I have to say usually, because I literally cannot say normally anymore now, but they usually dock the boat like with the butt, the butt of the boat against the dock, but this time they have to do it sideways.

Speaker 2 And this is like causing Nathan to have like a true mental breakdown because

Speaker 2 they've never done it sideways.

Speaker 2 Port side, port side.

Speaker 1 Ports side, port side. Port side, port side.

Speaker 1 Put on the portside.

Speaker 1 But if it's port side, the lines are completely wrong for portside. And so Imron's eyes like, servants, am I right?

Speaker 2 Hey, so you're going to use the bow thrusters, the stern thrusters, boats. Am I right? You ever see a fin on a boat on a fish? It's like a keel.
Am I right? Keels and holes.

Speaker 2 rudders, huh?

Speaker 1 Anchors, right?

Speaker 1 She's like, Yeah, I don't have a stern thruster. And he goes, You don't? You're American.

Speaker 2 Good one, Imran.

Speaker 2 So Nathan's like, Oh, season, we've been talking about Sam True, but now we're gonna do it in the marina. Now, oh, I just have to do a dock side too.
Oh, this is just a new challenge for a deck.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna lose my I'm walking a complete deck charge.

Speaker 1 What am I gonna do with Captain Sandy right now? I pray I can't.

Speaker 1 I pray that it goes well.

Speaker 2 It's not gonna go well. I can tell you that right now, because Joe's already knocking into walls.

Speaker 1 So now Imron is blocking Sandy's view. And she's like, excuse me, I need to see, stupid.
And he's like, get me a crust of bread, you dumb bitch.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 this is an A docking and you're a B person. So see your way out of this conversation.

Speaker 1 See, spelled S-E-I.

Speaker 2 It's a wordplay. There's a wordplay union starting up.
I don't know if you heard.

Speaker 1 This guy's terrible so she's like we need spring lines spring lines he's like ah that's american ask jesus god

Speaker 1 uh we call them

Speaker 1 i was gonna try and make a joke about spring rolls but in america we call them what do we call them the fried ones egg rolls you get egg rolls yeah sorry okay that failed

Speaker 2 you know what he cut that out hey okay come on lot of okay come on what's going on with the spring lines okay what's going on not you don't have enough lines it takes two lines two lines it takes two i thought one was enough it's not true it takes two spring lines you came through when the journey was rough it take two it took two it took two lines of us come on now hurry up

Speaker 1 um so nathan's like i don't know if i can do it i'm just like anything can happen on the sea

Speaker 1 will you kiss me

Speaker 2 oh guys come on stay present stay present every moment every moment is the present for the present moment come on guys

Speaker 1 so everyone's like oh my god and joe's like oh my god what happened what happened to the spring lines and he's like oh my god i removed the wrong line oh my god never mind and sandy's like oh my god leave the line leave the line hello little girl watch your rush

Speaker 1 you're missing all the flowers

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Nathan's like, oh, Joel, come on, go over there. Go over there, guys.
Come on, guys. I was like, don't get mad.
Don't get mad.

Speaker 2 come on be calm be calm be calm little one be calm who out there could love you more than i

Speaker 2 who out there that i cannot supply

Speaker 1 and nathan's like i can't get the line there i can't get the line there's like oh my god stop yelling already and so v's like it's so much pressure it's so much pressure i've never talked like this before and she's like well i don't like it and spoke to like i'm a piece of shit you shouldn't communicate to anyone in this way.

Speaker 1 There's no need for it. And meanwhile, Nathan's running around, like belting at the top of his lungs.
Hey, Nate, quiet, Nathan.

Speaker 2 Use your walkie-talkie.

Speaker 1 Careful the words you say.

Speaker 2 Charter guests will listen.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 agony,

Speaker 1 all alone in the night. She's like, stop getting mad.
He's like, I'm not getting mad. I'm just being assertive.
Isn't that what you want from me?

Speaker 1 And Max is like, well, like you work with, he's like, you work with Captain Sandy. She never scream.

Speaker 1 look at her if she gets mad she gets short of hunt that is all she does you need to learn like this we have the best role model just replicate you do copy paste of doing what captain sandy do watch voila you are best school mubber ever and you wake up to somebody saying hello bb

Speaker 1 allo b

Speaker 1 uh like i'll tie this one off all tie this one off everyone

Speaker 2 stop yelling stop use your radio use your come on use the radio nathan You can do it.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 so they dock. So they finish docking.
Yeah. Everything's fine.
Everything's fine, as usual. They really needed Captain Carrey here to be like, this time we gotta go in Portside.

Speaker 1 And let me tell you what happens portside. People die.

Speaker 1 All right, it's fine. We got in there fine.
There we go. It's fine.
He really does the best doomsday docking

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Speaker 2 Okay, okay all right it's time to talk to the guests okay time it's showtime sandy do it so everyone god that was such a good opening line so everyone hey so um

Speaker 1 we're here in a different gotta practice that one

Speaker 2 sometimes it's good to have some locked and loaded we're in uh this marina because there's weather uh there's no easy way to say it so i'll just sing it There are storm clouds in the sky.

Speaker 1 So they're like, oh my God, we're stuck here for the night. And you you sing.
She's like, yeah, you know what? Today is not going to be safe out of there. We're just going to stay here tonight.

Speaker 1 Listen, I am the captain. I've got a record of Keith.
And my record is turning back the boat and refusing to go on the ocean more than any other captain in below deck history. Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we're staying. We're staying on dock tonight.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But the good news is that we decided to dock in the most scenic dock in all of Spain, the Villanova parking lot.
Enjoy the view.

Speaker 1 Okay, great.

Speaker 1 Guys, just enjoy it. You know, where else can you see the lights reflecting off of the big lots?

Speaker 1 You're going to love it here.

Speaker 2 Okay, so enjoy. Enjoy.
It's just not safe out there. It's dangerous.
So Nathan and Kizzy are talking in the galley, and Kizzy's like, I actually really hate everyone today.

Speaker 2 I'm sad. Like, do you ever get in a mead where you're just like, I don't like anyone today?

Speaker 1 Boo-boo-hoo.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, sorry, did you hate me too?

Speaker 2 We haven't really spoken to you today. You've been ignoring me.

Speaker 1 He's like, well, shall we never speak then? She goes, should we not just randomly come kiss me in the laundry? And he's like, oh. She said, oh, heeveee.

Speaker 2 There's a swing and a miss for Kizzy.

Speaker 1 Swing and a miss. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Captain Sandy checks in on V and asks her how she's feeling. And she's like, oh my God, this was my first time doing it sideways.
I didn't mean it like that. I want to go slowly.
I want to go slowly.

Speaker 2 I wasn't talking about that.

Speaker 1 So now they're decorating for their luxury ancient Greece dinner. And Aisha is talking to Josh and asking about canopy beginnings or start time.

Speaker 1 And he's like, all right, we've got grape leaves, oysters, going to Tempura. Then I'm going to, you know, I used to do Tempura oysters at a restaurant like 15 years ago.
It was delicious.

Speaker 1 Haven't done it for 15 years. Surely it will still work.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What could go wrong with, you know, fried food a la minute? So Josh is like, when I hear ancient times dinner, I think of feeding them grapes, you know, those kind of

Speaker 2 vibes. He's like, they're like, do you think about the Roman Empire a lot? He doesn't even pick up on really what that.

Speaker 2 means he's like you know i actually come from a town in england that has a lot of roman influence called bath which has the roman baths which i hated going to because i hate baths and it brings me back memories of Rome, even though I have no memories of Rome because I wasn't actually there.

Speaker 2 What was the question again?

Speaker 1 So, yeah,

Speaker 2 we're doing our Greek, our Greek romantic dinner featuring the inspiration of

Speaker 2 Anthony and Cleopatra. I would also suggest maybe a great love story like, I don't know, Antigone, or maybe a real

Speaker 2 laugh, a real belly, heartwarming one like Medea. I don't know.
It could go in so many different directions oedipus

Speaker 2 love that love story

Speaker 1 right it's a good one yeah yeah it's a good it's a good one for mother's day

Speaker 1 so um they the guests are complaining that they're just sitting in the parking lot which you know you deserve it because you brought imron okay he's fit for the big lots parking lot so then we go to kizzy and kathy decorating and uh kizzy's like i don't even think i've been outside today and kathy's like oh you do seem a little bit down today i'm sorry do i have a hickey right here on my neck?

Speaker 1 Kizzy's like, oh, I'm just in one of those moods where everyone's pissing me off. You know, when you have those days and Kathy's like, not really.

Speaker 1 Are you cleaning a window while you're setting the table? I am. Sorry.
It's just how I stay happy.

Speaker 2 Did you just Windex my forehead?

Speaker 1 It's like, I did.

Speaker 1 I'm restless.

Speaker 1 So then everybody. So now everybody gets ready for sea and

Speaker 1 let's see, whatever. Kizzy's like, oh, God, if I'm going to be in the cabins, is there much point to even dressing for this? Oh, God, I'll just stay in this.
I'm not changing into anything.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, Kizzy's starting the spiral.

Speaker 2 I know. She cannot deal with being squirreled away in laundry and also not have any guys to like flirt with.
So Sandy checks in on Josh. Hey, those are some impressive grape leaves.

Speaker 1 What? They're edible too? Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 You're working on different levels now, Josh. Wow.
Very impressed.

Speaker 1 You know what? Here's a question for you.

Speaker 1 Why don't grapes ever just stay? You know, where are they always leaving? You know, it's a headline: grape leaves. Yeah.
I feel so sorry for grape's wife. I know.

Speaker 2 You know, stay with me, right?

Speaker 1 Um, now everybody's in their Greek outfits, and Kathy's feeding Max grapes. And someone calls Imron a peasant boy and asks how he likes the wine.

Speaker 1 and he's like not a fan not a fan of this wine okay okay well we can keep trying until you find one that you like that's not a problem

Speaker 2 um and then one guy is like i love the vibe and the friendship friendships and us being here on this beautiful boat in this parking lot it's just fucking unbelievable right and they all laugh So it seems like everyone's actually pretty normal except for that one guy.

Speaker 2 That one guy is just awful. And the rest are just like, you know, they're just kind of joking about the situation.

Speaker 2 so uh josh brings out his grape leaves and stuff like that and uh asha sends kathy to caps with kizzy and kizzy's just she's just being a spoil sport and kathy's like oh how are you baby cakes she's like really good i know i can be grumpy it's like if i was in front of the guests i'd be like hee hee but i know that in front of you is just fine you know what like i'm tired of you announcing that you're grumpy at this point just be grumpy because it Now it's just performative.

Speaker 2 Now you're just really begging people to say nice things about you to get you into a good mood. And no one's taking the bait.
It's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Yeah. She's like, but I know that I can be grumpy around you and that's fine.
She goes, no, it's not. I need full energy.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Happy to sham me. Happy to sham me.
She's like, oh, fuck off. So then Asha's clearing dinner and Imron's like, for my 40th birthday, I'm going to steal one idea from your 40th birthday.

Speaker 1 And the guy's like, oh, is that the hookers or the or the coke?

Speaker 2 And Imron goes, no, the quotes, the quotes. Oh, yeah, this one.
I've been poor and now I've been rich and I choose rich every single time. Okay, you know what? Never mind.

Speaker 2 I take back everything I just said about these guests.

Speaker 1 But I love the Erica Jane nod.

Speaker 1 So the crew is serving the main course now and everyone's like, well, can we give it a slow clap to Josh? Slow clap to Josh. It's basically what Kizzy's giving to everybody else.

Speaker 1 So, and Josh is like, well, we've got mushroom puree, the gnocchi's truffled.

Speaker 1 It's also gluten-free, just in case god that's traumatizing the asparagus red red juice reju beef oh i hope it's cooked to your liking god does anybody here want to kiss me

Speaker 1 no god get out of here

Speaker 1 had to try

Speaker 2 uh so he goes back down to the gallery being like kozoma lemon squeeze a geezer crowd please uh gee i can't understand why he's not getting laid so then everyone is like

Speaker 2 The dinner is done. Guests are going to bed.
Kizzy's helping with dishes. Aish and Kathy Kathy are

Speaker 2 just hanging around talking and stuff. And

Speaker 2 Kizzy's just annoyed because that's her thing today. And Imran says he's going to go masturbate so he can be ready for tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Guys, it's a real classic. So Kizzy's talking to Josh, and she's like, you know what I was just thinking right now?

Speaker 1 I'm not really a yachty, you know, and I feel like being around people who are super, super yachty, you know, I just find it draining, you know? And he goes, you mean Kathy?

Speaker 1 He's like, oh, let me guess. It's the person who won the man that you were trying to steal from her.

Speaker 1 Kathy. And she's like, yeah, I mean, I really like her, but she is really yachty.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Now, Kizzy is going to do that thing where she's going to reframe the whole narrative to be like, oh, I'm actually not like, like, I'm happy for her, but like, I'm also above her.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, she may be better at the job than me, but that's because I just don't care about the job because she's like so all about being a yachty. Isn't that just so sad?

Speaker 2 She's now going to like change this whole thing um as if she is not literally a yacht

Speaker 2 on a boat about yachtis right on a show about yachtis right now

Speaker 1 yeah i like how you say it like aunties yacht tees yacht tees yachtis

Speaker 1 yachties

Speaker 1 yas but yes is so annoying and josh is actually very good like he's very sensitive um i think he's annoying but he's also like a very sensitive nice person and he's like so are you feeling left out she goes maybe and he goes you'd like to be the center of attention and are not right now.

Speaker 1 And he goes, exactly.

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe she's a little on the nose, but he's like, well, I mean, she's just making me feel like a little bit small, you know, and I hate the fact that someone has the power to do that to me.

Speaker 1 I mean, what the fuck? How can you not feel small when you base your entire self-worth on what men think of you and attention that you're getting from everybody else?

Speaker 1 You're never going to feel any self-worth that way, Kizzy. Come on, get with it.
You're like such a beautiful girl. You've got such a good personality.

Speaker 1 Well, you've got such charm about you such charisma. You don't have to be like this.
Yeah, that's nothing. There's still hope for you.

Speaker 2 All those things, attention, male attention, all the things that she is seeking, those are all fleeting and ephemeral. Okay.
They're not lasting. And that's why she will always feel small because

Speaker 2 she's not really. She's filling a cup that has a hole in it.
And it's just not going to work out.

Speaker 1 So, Tizzy. Josh is like, shall I stick my penis in that hole? The cup's like, no.

Speaker 2 All I want is some male.

Speaker 2 All I want is some male attention for once in my life.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I have to do it for you. I have to.
Oh, I'm sorry, Ben. I didn't mean to cut you off.

Speaker 2 No, her saying that she wants male attention. She wants to be the center of attention.
She's actively the center of Josh's attention at this moment. And she's like, well, not your attention.

Speaker 1 I just wish I could get one male to pay attention to me. He's just staring at her like, any more about your deep-seated feelings? It's like, no, God, not you.

Speaker 1 But I think honestly, one of the best things to happen to me was aging because I've, you know, I think so much of your time being young is spent like, oh my God, what do I look like?

Speaker 1 And who wants to fuck me? And like, am I good looking enough? And like, everywhere you go, it's like, am I good looking? Like, who's looking at me? And who's looking at my friend?

Speaker 1 I mean, I think that's just such a normal part of growing up. And then there's a certain point where you just go bald and you get chubby and you age a little bit.
And there's like no running from it.

Speaker 1 And you actually have to start like talking, talking to people differently. And like you start having to have other skills in life to

Speaker 1 get you by.

Speaker 1 And I think that that's going to be good for Kizzy. So maybe we need to check in with Kizzy in 20 years.

Speaker 1 She'll probably be much more palatable. Yeah, because like in your

Speaker 2 40s are great because you really do get a sense of just more of who you are.

Speaker 1 I think, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I mean, listen, I love therapy. I think therapy helps.
You know, it's great that we have.

Speaker 1 Well, I love ice cream too.

Speaker 2 I think it's great that we have, you know, like our podcast is doing well.

Speaker 2 You know, when you spend so many years in LA, you know, just trying to make ends meet and trying to find success and trying to make it as a writer and trying to make it this and that, like it can, it can actually do a number on your psyche.

Speaker 2 But like, you know, to finally have like a stable job that's doing nicely, like all those things kind of like help.

Speaker 2 you relieve some pressure and you start to realize you can you can sort of focus on yourself a bit more and you start to realize what you like what you don't like and and and you can just kind of let a whole bunch of bullshit go And I'm looking forward to that for Kizzy.

Speaker 2 Like you said, in 20 years, when she hits 43, unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way.

Speaker 1 We're lucky. Yeah, when it's just not all attention from men, you know, and I look at it as someone who wanted attention from men too, you know, and it's not just a woman thing.
Men do it too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, but it's just like, it's just not the way to live. It's sad.
It's sad to watch it.

Speaker 2 It doesn't work out. But it's also,

Speaker 2 look at Brittany Bateman. She's like 53 and she's still in the, like, she's still in her Kizzy phase.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's true. Yeah.
that's true. I guess everybody doesn't change.
But I mean, I said, like, when you get chubby and bald. So, oh, that's fair.
There was also that element to it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, just, you know, God, I hope the best for her.
But God, right now, she's fucking obnoxious. So now the next morning on the boat, everybody's getting up in the morning.

Speaker 1 And Captain's like, Joe, Joe, wake up the whole crew because they are leaving the dock in 15 minutes. You understand me? Into the sea.
It's time to go. I hate to leave.
I have to, though.

Speaker 2 oh god wake up wake up okay we're gonna go we're gonna go get the anchor get the anchor all right now we're out okay we're we're going departure that was a great departure now all we have to do is drop an anchor and nothing could go wrong here two shackles in the water two shackles in the water not more than two okay how many shackles do we have three shackles in the water no why you have the extra shackle in the water how'd you miss that

Speaker 1 He's like, I was looking back on the finger. And she's like, ah, God, stop staring at your fingers.
Jeez.

Speaker 1 so then um breakfast time and the anchor is fine everything's fine but nathan is just fucking up left and right he's not doing so great so um now's water toy time and imron asks max if he can drive the tender and max is like yes of course

Speaker 1 you can do it you used to do it enjoy

Speaker 1 he gives him the hands him the key or like hands him the keys How could you do that? What an idiot.

Speaker 2 So they're like, they're doing that. And then meanwhile nathan is

Speaker 2 nathan's in the galley he goes in the galley and he's like sort of joking around with v and some other people etc and captain sandy comes in

Speaker 2 and she's like nathan could you go do your job please it's like oh god i'm like and he's like oh god i feel like i feel like i untensed my body for one moment and i got fucking chewed out i'm working my ass off yeah don't untense your body it's you're on the

Speaker 1 meanwhile while this is happening max is out in the tender with some guest who's driving it, sir. Don't unto me.
So no, you're not really doing your job.

Speaker 2 Stay focused. I don't understand why Nathan keeps being goofy.
Okay, I need a bosun, not

Speaker 2 wait for everyone. A bro, son.
That was good.

Speaker 1 That's right. That's right.
Nailed that one. Hold on.
Hold on. Did you hear that, BB? BB, that was so good, BB.

Speaker 2 Let me go tell the guests.

Speaker 2 So everyone, I said, we need a boatswain, not a broson, because they're very bro-y. No, you understand bros, right?

Speaker 1 You're not, okay, great. You're not gonna laugh? That's fine.

Speaker 1 Um, okay, so then she gets up on the deck and she sees the tender situation. She goes, Oh, fuck, who's in the tender? And he's like, Oh, Max is away with one of the guests.

Speaker 1 And she's like, Max, Max, get back to the boat right now, you dumb fuck. So, Max is like, Oh, let us not go too much far from boat because Captain Sandy will not like it.

Speaker 1 And he's like, oh, what is she going to get mad at you?

Speaker 1 Poor people.

Speaker 2 You can't let the guest drive the tender. Why is he over there? Get your fucking shit together on deck, Nathan.
You understand? This isn't a free-for-all. I'm now pissed.
Get Max back to the boat now.

Speaker 1 Dawn, dawn, dawn.

Speaker 1 And that will end your journey.

Speaker 1 Boom. I wish.

Speaker 1 And that brings us to the end of Below Dick Mediterranean, everybody.

Speaker 2 Wow, what a shit show, everyone. We will see you

Speaker 2 for our Salt Lake City recap.

Speaker 2 And definitely check out our bonus episode on Patreon this week, which was the trailer trash of the valley, Persian style, and all that good stuff. Thanks for being here.
We'll talk to you next time.

Speaker 1 Bye.

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Speaker 7 Hello, I'm Matt Ford.

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Speaker 7 In our latest series, Michelle Moan, we tell the story of a woman from Glasgow who left school at 15 and devised an idea. A next level bra that remolds the cleavage.

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