#3100 Vanderpump Rules S12E1 Part 2: A Whole New SUR-ld

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap.
If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed.

It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

So Kim is like, oh my God, we're like literally sharing $500 with eight servers. Like, so we're going to make like $50.
I love that for us. Oh, my God.

I can't believe I'm basically living in destitution just to be on a TV show. Yeah.

So now they're going to get ready. And Demi's like, oh my God, someone's in my favorite bathroom.
Who's in there, Kimberly? God damn it, Kimberly.

Kimberly, it's my favorite bathroom. It's the only bathroom.
Exactly. So we go to the Belmont, and outside, Kimberly's walking with her boyfriend, Marcus.

And she's like, hey, Marcus, do I look chunk or do I look fine? Babe. He's like, who cares, babe? You look great.

You forgot Kimberly's important backstory. Sorry.
Oh, I thought you just did it. Sorry.
Go ahead. No, this is it.

I moved to LA from New York about two years ago, but I'm not a stereotypical New Yorker. I'm too Zen.
Just kidding. I'm I'm as type A as they come.

The girls at Sur have become like my sisters here in LA. We love like sisters and we also fight like sisters.
But to be clear, it's never my fault. Yeah, she really, really been a philosopher.

She really reads the line.

Yeah. She really reads the line.

So they order stuff. Nellie gets

a double Tito's with a splash of lemon. And Marcus does an 805.

It's important stuff to know. Audrey's like, can I just do a tequila and and ginger with a lime things?

Audrey's our scream queen, right? Yeah, she is. Just want to double check.
Still just learning those names.

So Marcus is like, Demi, I'm not coming to work for the next three days from that bullshit shift I just worked. You know what they had me do?

I had to actually walk up to strangers who were sitting at a table and ask them what they want to eat. Like, who does that? That's crazy.
So they're all like, no, my shift was the worst.

No, my shift was the worst. And Ellie's like, nah-uh, mine was because Lisa was angry with me, you guys.

what but like like no one did what you did it's like guys my ex is driving me crazy right now

yeah i love how she says her ex that's just like so funny just to be clear i had paolo first we're like oh oh you stole from demi you stole from like the assistant manager of sir damn and also paolo is really pulling some young ladies my goodness he really is yeah that's how to do it at 54.

good god that's how you do it yeah i'm like am I still too young for double ARP?

Double ARP. Might want a discount for a movie or something.

Kim says, Demi was dating Paolo literally up until the day that Natalie started dating Paolo.

So you know what that means. Natalie says, Demi and I weren't even friends yet.
Like, I didn't even know what their relationship was.

And I can't help that he started making out with me in the middle of the Abbey. Why do all these straight people keep going to the abbey and making out? Get out of our bar.

Get out of our bar. Stop Stop it.
Enough. Stop having storylines there.
God, just because What's your bones made a song about it? What's her face? The Pink Pony Club girl. Yeah.

Now you all think it's just your makeout place. Get out of here.

Look, this was a Sandoval and Raquel makeout session. Yeah, it's been going long before.
Not fair. Realm.
Right. Miss Chapel Rome.
Take it to the Belmont. Yeah.

Take it to the Belmont. We have our own district for a reason.
So Demi's like, that's bullshit. Everyone knew that Paulo and I were a thing.

And back at the Belmont, Shane's like, okay,

but is he older than your dad or younger than your dad?

He's younger than my dad. He's like younger than my dad and my stepdad.
Are you happy? He's like, okay, that's a prize.

And she's like, well, talk, talk about the girl that you brought tonight. Call time, my ass.
You told me you would never bring a girl into my workplace. And you're so interested in me.

And then you did it anyway, Shane Davis. He's like, yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right. You know what? You're right.
So I apologize about it.

Here's the thing, okay? Give me attention and I'll give it back to you.

I mean, I feel like my celebrity crushes Ry gossig in the notebook and it kind of looks like Shane because they both have eyes and a nose.

Also, I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying.
He's like, yeah, well, I'm not going to lie to you, though, because I was like crashing the fuck. Aww.

What? Yeah. Why? Because I was like, I'm kind of feeling this girl.
I don't think she's feeling me. So like, I fucked up.
I'm sorry, but I'll make it up to you. All right.

We'll see.

You like Jeeps?

You like Jeeps? I got one. Yeah.

I love a Jeep. Top down, make it up to you.

Yeah. Can we go to the beach after school in your Jeep? Yo, do I get a hug or no? Do I get a hug or no?

Okay, I guess I'll just like slide into your arms a little bit. All right.
I'm still like a little bit of a drink. Yeah, yeah, I got a hug, kind of.
Yeah.

Yeah.

So then Venus comes in to add his storyline. He's like, I'm a whore for cargo pants.

And Audrey comes in with her storyline. I'm a whore for cargo pants.
Well, just for any pants. Yeah.
She's like, I'm a whore for pants.

He's like, no, like, I'm more of a whore for coats. She goes, oh, my God.
Faux fur coat, leather coat. faux leather coat, parka, rain jacket, windbreaker, anorack.

Any sort of coat. Snow.
I'll even, coat of snow. That works for me.
Anything with a coat.

Denim. I mean, this goes, yeah, you're reading my mind.
Denim on denim. Yeah, denim on denim on denim on denim.
Beyonce, motherfucker. Trump that gay.

So back to Marcus. He's talking to Chris and he's like, hey, cheers for riding the fucking wave together, bro.

Man, did they make you actually walk up to tables and have to take orders? Crazy. Am I right? I'm going to hit you up, man.
Cheers to friendship i think it's a good time

so then chris leans over the table to grab natalie's drink and natalie hugs marcus and now kim's mad and to me's like why are you looking upset right now because like i see it in your face you look like really mad she's like oh my god look at natalie

Natalie's one of my closest friends here in LA. I just said we were like sisters, but ever since her breakup, she's been looking for attention in all the wrong places, including my boyfriend.

Flashback to 12 hours earlier, Marcus saying to Natalie, how do you feel? We've been really in a good place.

I'm sorry, saying this to Kim, whoa, Freudian slip, we've been really in a good place these last few days. Haha.

And Kim's like, yeah, I haven't felt this good about our relationship since we started dating. And he's like, you're not mad at me at all? She's like, no, I'm not mad at you.

I will be mad at you if you keep hugging Natalie and texting her, though.

Back to the present after he just hugged Natalie against explicitly against Kim's rules.

Kim's telling us Natalie was like sending Marcus a good morning text, which is like not appropriate to send anyone you're not dating.

Okay, at first I'm like, that's stupid,

but

I wouldn't like that if some girl was sending my boyfriend good morning. Like, who does that?

I agree. I think good morning text is a little bit

a little flirty. Yeah, that is weird.
So Marcus.

Marcus is like, okay, well,

hey, Natalie, we have some things that me and you will only understand. Like that time I put my penis in your vagina last night.

Remember that? We only understand it. Our secret.
Yeah.

Go ahead, though. We have our banter.
We have our banter, though, and we have our friendship. And it's like not romantic.
It's like so not romantic. Yeah.
Like we are like crash out queens.

We're just two queens that crash out and then have sex afterwards. That's not romantic.
Yeah. Like I love you, but like I'm not interested in you.
Like look at you. Gross.

I've got Shane Davis after me after all. He's like, oh my God, Shane Davis, fuck.
Yeah, that guy'd fuck. Yeah, she she don't care for that guy.
But like, I'm not into you either.

And that's why it's cool. We're just friends, right?

Oh, my God. Then she's sending him pictures of heels.
Like, that's a guy's fantasy to see heels. They're like, they're called fuck me and heels for a reason.
I mean, like, really?

Yeah, well, I told Shane. Um, she's a crash out queen.
I love her to death, but Demi's like, you do not love her to death. You guys really aren't even friends.

Kim's like, thank ya.

Thank yo venus is like oh my god like what's happening guys are we talking about denim on denim on denim no they're telling me that like natalie that me and natalie aren't even friends like what the hell kim's like you're not friends

Natalie's like, I'm sorry. We're not friends.
That's like saying that me and Shane Davis aren't an item. Hee, hee hee hee.
She's like, you're not. You're not friends.

And Demi's like, yeah, you guys are friendly, but you're not friends for sure. So they're all fighting.
Like, are Natalie and Marcus friends or not?

And Natalie's like, he literally called me his sister. And Kim's like, you guys don't even know anything about each other aside from what's going on at star.
Okay.

So like, okay. That's not true.
Kimberly, that's not fucking true at all. I'm that I use your full name.
Oh my God. Full name.
Don't you dare triple syllable me, bitch.

And then we just cut to this guy, this older guy with a mustache, just staring at everyone like, what happened?

I used to come here and do shots with my bros. And now I'm the old man on the street looking at the youngsters fighting, fighting at the Belmont.

And Kim's like, I will literally fuck up everyone here.

And Audrey is like, Kim being upset with Natalie wanting to be friends with Marcus. What are we in the 1900s?

They should have just cut back to that guy with the mustache and the fucking weird newsies hat.

I know.

So Kim is like, I mean, so, okay, if you have friends with him, what are his sisters' names? You don't even know them. Uh-uh.
You don't know. And Venus is like, well, I don't know.

And Marcus is like, see? And Audrey says, yeah, but just because they have like a wiener and she had not had a wiener, like, does that mean that one can't be friends with the other?

This is just psychotic.

This is like some 1900s psychotic bullshit. Am I right? So 1997.
This is like Jane Boston.

So Marcus is like, this is a dumb conversation. I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it anymore. And why can't we be fucking friends?

Nobody said that. Both of you are saying it.
Natalie's like, I have actual photographic evidence that Marcus and I have been friends since before any of us ever even knew Kimberly. Okay, here it is.

I was at Marcus's birthday in 2023, and they've been dating for how long? Not even a year. So he also likes to say I'm a little sister to him.
And last I checked, incest is not okay.

Yeah, our friendship goes back so long, like at least 18 months. So like we are very well established from 2023, which we know is basically the beginning of time.

There was like a different president then.

Yeah. In 2023, it was crazy.
There hadn't even been an Olympics in Paris yet. It was that long ago.
So then outside, Kim is crying inside and Venus is lecturing Marcus.

He's like, you need to stand up for Natalie. He's like, Venus, you want me to take Natalie's side over my girlfriend? Okay, listen, you know what I have to go through home too?

She's going to be crazy. And I've already defended Natalie and now I'm going to get in trouble for defending Natalie.

And already my girlfriend's like, do not fucking touch me because you defended Natalie.

Okay, yeah, but so basically what you're saying is like, you're going to let Natalie look like a dumbass bitch all night rather than stand up for her.

You're not even letting her have a denim jacket to put on something else. That's denim.
No, not even any denim on denim for your own girlfriend. I don't know about that.

Like, I'm already in trouble, Venus. Okay.
He's like, yeah, okay. I know.
I get it. So then

we end that scene. We know it's not going to end well with those two because this girl's a crazy drama queen and she's dating someone who's going to bring her nothing but drama.

So this is one of those couples, like as someone in the restaurant, I would steer clear of this couple because it's that couple in high school that's just like, oh my God, we have so much drama.

That's why we're popular. And they're always like, every day is their new drama.
I'm busy. I do not have time for your shit.
Okay. It's badly scripted.

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So now we go to Audrey Rollerblading by the beach. We're getting a lot of beach scenes, which is shocking because

this is like a a Wes Hollywood show. And in the original show, they would definitely go to the beach, but not as often as this in one episode because it's like a schleppe.
And they were also honest.

Like they would go to the beach, but they'd be like, oh my god, I drove two hours for this. So why do I have to fight with him today?

I haven't been to the beach at the LA Beach in, well, actually, I went in August. It was like my first time.
And

before August, it had been pre-pandemic since I went to the beach. It's like it's work to get out there when you're on the side of the 405.
Yeah.

So Audrey's rollerblading and then she kind of like falls over. And then Venus is like basically painting like a jacked torso.
And he's like, oh my God, this is like my dream man, a man with no head.

I should have painted him with a dick. Wow.
He's missing both of his heads.

So then

Chris and Jason get together and they're practicing a script because Jason's in acting class. He's like, yeah, I got class every Thursday, bro.
He's like, what script is this? It's the graduate.

You want to be Mrs. Robinson? You're basically trying to fuck me.

You know, he's like, who's Mrs. Robinson?

Who doesn't get it? Now we have Marcus. Marcus and Shane are going to bro out at the gym.
So Marcus is like, hey, man, looking swole already. I'm going to be a two out of 10 today on effort.

He's like, oh, really?

Two out of 10. Let's make it a three out of 10, buddy.

Yeah, Shane's probably like my longest friend in LA because I've known him for 11 years now. We're old.

It's like a rat race out here and it's so helpful like that someone's doing the same thing as you, namely Coke, even though he doesn't do that anymore.

Yeah, we're assigned to the same modeling agency. So we'd go to the same casting, but you know, like I'd lose and he'd win.
But still.

Shane's like, yeah, it's very hard to compare with the Shane Meister. I was flown to In My City by Calvin Klein.
I got to walk for Belmont. I got to walk for Lacoste, Isad, Penguin, you name it.

And Marcus is like, yeah,

I'm the budget model. I'm some random person who you, when some random person needs to hire a model and pay

$500 to you, I'm your boy. Like, you know, this is the guy who's like on the cover of like the random Halloween costume you got from Spirit Halloween store.

Like, this is the guy in like the policeman outfit, right? Or like in the toga on the front of the print model.

Yeah, he's got the, they're trying to give him the jack storyline, but with the Schwartz resume, basically.

That's correct. But, but actually, like Shane, like, I mean, those are like legitimate credits that he has, and they show some of his like modeling days stuff.

And they're, they're much more legit than Jax. I mean, Jax was like a model.
And we always talk about how we remember Jax pre-Vanderpump rules around LA. He went to my gym.

You just would see him around. You went to castings with him.
Jax was hot, hot, hot, but he wasn't doing this kind of modeling. And he was doing, I think, like, he was modeling, but not like this.

But, but Shane Davis, I don't know why I'm like, Shane Davis. Some, I don't know why I'm making some like case case for Shane Davis being a better model.
He's also a fuckboy idiot.

I like that you have such energy for like washed up male models. You're like, whoa.
Like, guys, we have to make a difference. We have to understand who's in what tier.

So Marcus is like, whoa, how did they go with what's her face call time? And he's like, Nika, I was nervous.

But then later, bro, when Nat called me, she was like, she was calling me up and she was like smiling at me. And I was like, whoa, the shit turned her on, bro.
So I don't know, man.

What do we like? Why do we like crazy ass women, bro? Man, bro, dude. I don't fucking know, dude.
I don't know. Speaking of crazy women, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da.

So now we go over to Kim's apartment where Venus is there. And Venus is like, how are you? And of course, Kim is the person that goes, I've had better days.
How are you?

Oh, Lord. So they sit and talk about what else, her boyfriend.
She's like, oh my God, I'm losing my mind.

Tell me from your perspective, what you saw with natalie and i like what'd you see and he's like um

you were saying that marcus and natalie aren't close but like natalie's being told that they're like sisters so like i don't know i've heard him tell her that so she's kind of right

which i hate yeah and at the end of the day you got nothing for nothing and that's all you can say for the life of the

The life of the us, you mean? I feel like the common denominator is Marcus. So now we go back to the gym and Marcus is like, yeah, you don't even know the rest of the fucking story, man.

The Belmont was just like the tip of the iceberg. Like as soon as we leave, dude, it all turned on me, bro.

I get back to her place and she's like, oh, you're such a joke still with a shitty, such a shitty boyfriend. How are you going to let someone yell at me? I would never do that.

So like, what the hell do you want me to do? I'm like, what do you want me to do? You know, huh? That's what I was saying to her. You know what? It was crazy.
Yeah. So then we cut back to camp.

She's like, yeah. So we come back here and he does.
this typical Marcus thing where he's like a wuss and he doesn't want to deal with it. So he just goes out to smoke a cigarette.

I'm like, you want to smoke a fucking cigarette? I'm going to start the couch on fire. So I started the couch on fire.
And then he was like, oh my God, the couch is on fire.

I was like, why don't you cry more? You fucking pussy. Yeah.
I'm like, you're just a joke of a boyfriend. Fucking joke.

I love that. Her, so basically, and her story is like, I was yelling at him.
He went outside to get away from me. So then I started crying inside.

And then he wouldn't even come in and console me for crying. Like, I love when people do that.

Like, I can't believe, I can't believe you didn't even console me when I was crying at you for me yelling at you.

So he basically told her that, like, you know what? Shut up. You're drunk.
And he left. So now he goes back.
We go back to Marcus.

He's like, yeah, she kept on calling me a joke of a boyfriend, saying you're a fucking joke. Mind you, I knew I had to come to workout with your ass today, Shane Davis.
Yeah, that's right.

And I'm trying to sleep. And I don't give a shit.
She's like, I don't give a shit. You're trying to sleep.
Is your workout with Shane more important to you? And I'm like, kind of, yeah, man.

He's like a pretty big model. And she's like, I don't care about big models.
I'm like, well, you should, because we're in Los Angeles.

it's a privilege to work out with shane davis that's right you tell her and she still wouldn't believe me it was five in the morning and i finally just had to leave five in the morning bro five in the morning bro you should have just told her pumain

wow good thing you didn't have a call time like nika am i right

So Kim's like, and then he leaves. Typical Marcus.
So I'm calling him a hundred times because I just started having a panic attack, which is like a serious thing, right?

And so I'm freaking out, texting him and calling him, like, answer the phone. Yeah.
And then on the way home, I just hear my phone vibration, dog. Non-stop, bro.
Vibrating non-stop.

And I'm just not looking at it. Kim's like, yeah.
Well, you have to do is pick up the phone. Like, pick up the 100 phone calls for me and it's going to be fine.

Hey, man, that's so dangerous. I'm glad you didn't drive your Jeep off the road.
You do have a Jeep, right? You do have a Jeep, right?

And Venus is like, as the only gay person here, let me tell you, Marcus and Kim are constantly circling the three Fs, flirting, fighting, and fucking.

Yeah. If someone called me a hundred times, I would call the fucking police.
I'd be like, help,

help.

Marcus is like, okay, so then I check her location and who do I see coming up the canyon?

And Jane's like, her little dad was coming right up the canyon, bro. He's like, yeah, bro, her dad was coming.
So I go outside, I open the door and I walk to my bed.

And she's like, she didn't say one word, but then she woke up. She's like, we're going to talk about this.
And I'm like, fuck, no, we're not going to talk about this.

I got to work out with Shane motherfucking Davis, bro.

Bro, you're totally ruining my workout with Shane fucking Davis. I'm going to have to put in, I'm only going to be able to put an effort of two because of you, man.

So Kim is like, yeah, and I really think, like, it's like, you know, I think the reality is my comfortability with your friends.

Him and Demi have been friends for years and years before me and nothing's ever happened and they're friends fine now on the other hand this is a new friendship okay this is a brand new it doesn't go as far back as 2023 which as we all know is like i don't know is that like a decade from today i don't know they do not have the same history

and marcus is like yeah like what the hell bro and shane goes yeah bro maybe we should just be single he's like yeah maybe that's what they're trying to say to us bro

so venus is like you know what though all this behavior is going to age you, Kim. Like, it's a tell, you know, like, you got it, you got to tell the man.

Oh, it's a tell the man to shut the fuck up 2025 that we're going to have. Yeah, girl.

So, then, uh, now we're back at CERN. Lisa arrives, and there is Natalie.

Not to be confused with Natalie, this is Natalie, who you know has been with us for years and years. And Lisa's like, oh, bonjour, come on savvy.
And Natalie's like, Savap, son, son, Saba, Mao,

up

today, I was watching the camera because I was looking for something that I lost. And Marcus was drinking in the little bar kitchen, telling Jason how to do it, how to sneak it in.

And then he comes over here, chatting with Venus at the bar. They are casually asking Martin to give us two shots.
And then they look at shots, and then they sneak to drink some more. Lisa, Lisa.

What did Natalie lose? She's like, I lost some. I lost a cup's worth of sangria.
Where could it be? Must look at the the things.

So Lisa's like, listen, this isn't the first time we've heard this bullshit.

There's a new sheriff in town, and her name is Miss Magic. Okay, and I mean, do we suspend all four of them? How's that going to hurt the business? Okay, America, time to hear some hard truths.

I know that people will sneak a drink here and there. I mean, this isn't my first Rodeo, that's for sure.
But this is 2025. It's not 2013.
So has HR now, which stands for handsome raconteur.

We have to crack down. This kind of stuff.

Hustlers and rotorooters. HR.

Sir has HR. We've got to crack down.
So now he's like, I'm going to cry. I'm for real.

It's not respect. Well, we've been struggling that much.
At least you not have the support of your staff. Ooh, it's so struggling.

No, broken bird. Ooh,

I looked so hard for broken birds in this new generation, not realizing there was one under me this whole time oh America but we ourselves are in our own broken bird West Hollywood the brokenest bird of all was the center of nightlife in Los Angeles but since covid it never seemed to recover please show some footage of a black plastic bag blowing across Robertson Avenue.

Oh sir has survived, but it has not been thriving.

I'm going to have a staff meeting and if that's not good enough then whoosh! Do you understand? Smoke bomb. Where's the smoke bomb? Somebody, please.
All right, hand me Jiggy.

Hand me the jigging.

Whoosh.

I already made the decision to say goodbye to one baby. And they show footage of pump.
No, Max, show the footage of Max.

Okay.

I'm not going to do it again.

So now we go to Lisa. She's like, all right, shit like this goes on.
We're going to catch it, Diana.

I mean, whatever your name is, we're going to deal with it. And I know it's been a really hard few months for you, hard few months, but we've survived over the years.
And we're going to survive now.

Okay, Natalie, now get it together. And remember that this segment was decorated.
This segment was directed by Ken Burns.

We'll get through it. We will bring Wes Hollywood back to life.

So, meanwhile, young Natalie arrives at a recording studio and meets her producers, Daniel and Dave. And she's like, I always knew I was going to be a singer-actor.

Ariana Grande grew up in the neighborhood next to me and she made it really big, really young. So like, why not me? I mean, we grew up in the same mall.
We grew up eating the same Italian food.

Tritoria Romana, hello. Like, we are literally putting the same stuff in our bodies.
So the same sounds should be coming out of our bodies too.

Great logic.

She likes tacos. I like tacos.
Adur.

Superstar.

So Daniel's like, all right, take it from the top. All right.
Just do whatever feels good. And she's,

at first, she sounds really good because she has some riffs and stuff. But most of her singing really is just like,

but it sounds on key mostly.

She's like, okay,

should we do a little bit more of like a,

or do we want a little more of a...

Yeah, well, I'm writing this song called Passenger, which I like because that's a callback to Stasi's Dark Passenger from Dexter, which he always had.

And I wrote wrote it after I went on a date with someone for like the first time after my breakup because I met this guy on Hinge and then I had sex for the first time in like six months.

And it was amazing. So I wrote a song about it.
Yeah. He was like a passenger.
It's like, pull up, get in, then I drive, then I stop because there's a stoplight.

And then you say, what's going on with you? And then I'm like, not much with you because he's a passenger.

Okay, Dave, Dave and Dan. Okay, let's do a straight double of the pre.
And then like, we'll do like a, see yeah, I know every part of me.

And then we'll do like, we'll go back to the chorus and I'll do like, thinking that I know every part of me. It's like, yeah, that's great, man.
So Demi comes.

She's like, I happen to be in the neighborhood. Like totally normal place for a talk, music studio.

And she's like, you sound great, babe.

Great.

Wow, babe. Okay, want to hear me sing some more.
No, no, that's okay.

Okay. Kiss me on a nice little.

Let's not be a passenger. Fire, babe.
As in, I want to set fire to myself after listening to that, babe. Thank you.
So made you feel something. So trash, babe.

It means the opposite of what it sounds like. Okay, so

yeah, let's hang out. Okay.
Let's hang out.

Get out of here. And Dave's like, yeah,

we got to get into some production stuff anyway, which is why we'll leave you in the production studio and we'll just go to the break room. Okay.
See ya.

You know,

the fact that these producers were named Dan and Dave, I'm like semi-traumatized because my brother's name is Dan.

And back in 1992, speaking of the Olympics, back in 1992, there was this enormous ad campaign because there were these two track and field stars. One was named Dan, one was named Dave.

And every commercial was like, Dan or Dave, who's going to win? Dan or Dave, Dan or Dave, Dan or Dave. And I remember when my brother was going on college tours at the time.

So we went to Wheaton College and we were walking around. And we have a tour guide.
And my dad is like,

the guy asked my brother his name. And my dad goes, well, you know those commercials of Dan and Dave?

Well, this one's Dan.

And the tour guide looked, and then he was confused. He goes, Wait, you're Dan?

And then the guy thought he was Dan from the commercials, even though this was a 17-year-old kid and that guy was like an Olympian. And then it was so, I was so embarrassed.
Like, Dan, stop it.

And my dad's like, Dan and Dave, you know, like Dan and Dave. And I was like, stop it, Dan.
Oh, God.

Every time I hear Dan and Dave, I'm like taken back to being like so mortified by my dad's he's like stealing valor. I love that.

i like that the guy's like wow that's an olympian wow like takes no fact checking into like not even with his eyes like not even with his eyes like i'll just but i was like of course i was like in eighth grade of seventh or eighth grade i was like this is so embarrassing

so anyway um so

ding dong sit down and talk so they're talking about natalie's breakdown at the restaurant and uh she actually yelled at demi too and demi did not like that she's like i'm so sorry demi but like what what set me off was when he was like, if you have anything to say, you can communicate with me through Demi.

I mean, after a year and a half of him not wanting to speak to you at all, and this is why I'm saying, like, it always feels like we're in a love triangle.

Is it really a love triangle of two points of the triangle are triangulating behind the other point's back?

Actually, geometry.

It's like a kite. That's like a kite.
It's a kite angle.

She's like, but in the past, like, I pretty much like, I'm over it at this point.

Cause like normally when two girls share an act, it causes problems, but it just brought us closer together because like we've both dated a senior citizen

yeah so Natalie's like I value our friendship more than anything remind me your name again okay i'm gonna cry because like for us to start out the way we did with how complicated it was and for us to get here two years later with you sitting here listening to the smells of ariana grande's favorite restaurant coming up through my music it just means so much for me

so then we go to chris and jason's apartment and chris is like all right bro what are we working with

yeah we waxed already what the what's this fun oh so this is where the boys are hanging out like they're gonna go surfing yeah they're talking about what is the surface like is your butthole waxed already i was like what what is this scene okay surfboards so um we find out that they're half cousins because their moms were half sisters but yeah i think of jason is more of a fucking brother

yeah man and jason's like yeah we look like twins i actually have an identical twin. People freak out when they see all three of us together.
It's just like too much fucking eyebrows for them.

Am I right? Because Jason's eyebrows, really, they just, they, they are tall, wide, and they really have a, they go far. They are, they're big boys, you know? So then Jason's like, hey,

let's go to the beach, man. So they go to the beach with their surfboards, and they're like, hey, you need to catch a tan on that white ass.

And Chris is like, yeah, if I actually tan my ass, it would be burnt as fuck, man. Whoa.

So they talk about how they weren't close until they both wrestled in high school. Rawr.
I mean, these two just fuck already. And please do it on camera.

And they're like, yeah, I'd whip his ass now, but like up and down fucking sir instead of the mat.

We'd write scripts together. We'd travel the world together.
We got a lot of trouble together. That dudes might rock out there.
Ride or die. Yeah, fuck.
Yeah.

I'll never forget the day he told me, it doesn't hurt if you just hold on and think of something else for about five minutes. minutes.

The biggest thing that I'm scared of in life is regret. I never want to be on my deathbed and think, oh, I should have done this.
I should have done that.

Well, that sometimes regrets it works in a way of like, oh, I shouldn't have done this and I shouldn't have done that. Like, I shouldn't have gone on Vanderpump rules.
But yeah, that's fine.

It's your journey. I shouldn't have fucked my cousin.
You know?

So then Jason's like, God, I got sand in my ass. Hey, bro, what's better waves? Jersey or Cali?

He's like, yeah, I think the waves are better in Jersey TBH, but like, when I go home, I'm just reminded of why we left. It's a dead end, bro.
It's a dead end. It's meatball and IKEA cul-de-sac.

The overall goal of being in LA, I just really want to create as many opportunities as I can. You know, I do modeling, acting.
I did two reality dating shows. I also do OnlyFans.
It's a good gig, man.

Even if you're shirtless in a shower with a little bit of oil on, you know, it's a good way to connect with people, bro. So my dream is to do a live action tangled tangled and I'll be the Flynn Ryder.

I mean, I would kill it. Come on, guys.
Look. I'm Flynn Ryder, guys.
Look at me.

Imagine that's your dream. Live action tangled, bro.
I'm there.

I guess he does sort of look like Flynn Ryder now that I'm looking at pictures of it. But yeah, I love that that's what his gimmick is.
He's like, come on, Disney, cast me. He's just waiting for that.

Disney can't wait to cast the guy from Vanderpump Rule to be the center of one of their multi-million dollar films. They can't wait to cast an OnlyFans guy

in a Disney movie. He's like, yeah, well, Jason says, acting class, it's all picking up, you know, like, I got asked to do another dancing thing, bro.
Remember the thing I was talking about?

Yeah, don't say what it was, though, because it was like mostly with my cornhole. But like, I don't know, it could be fun.
Like, my dancing days, remember Exotic Nights, bro? That was his show.

Yeah, man. You know, back then, you know, like, you know, I was always like a really good boy, to be honest.
Like, you know, it's kind of like a sexual intellectual.

i was like oh fuck boy alert i was like oh i like this guy fuck boy alert the sexual intellectual and he's like by the time i got to college though i needed to pay rent and i didn't want to be a bartender and i was studying medicine and i was in a fraternity and i was wrestling and i was sort of having late night encounters that we're not supposed to talk about so i'm like what's the fastest way to make money so i started dialing up some strip clubs hell yes god i love a dumb hoe who thinks he's smart that's like my favorite yeah

sexual intellectual. Yeah.
So Chris is like, yeah, you know, you just, I'm going to show you guys how to strip. And so he's like doing some stripping moves.
He's like, don't push too hard, man.

You don't want to look desperate. Just

have fun with it. You don't want to be corny.
I was like, really? The guy whose dream is to be a

live action tangled is afraid of being corny. Just a tangled character.
Take off your shirt and shut up.

Hey, you know what?

You know, that was the kind of start of thinking about TV and modeling, you know, back then. And it was kind of cool that we got to model in Athens.
Wasn't that cool? I want to travel again.

We got to go to like Europe. Imagine if they were sent to like Athens, Georgia, and all this time they thought they went to Athens for East.
Like, wow. So amazing how many people spoke English there.

What a welcoming country. We got to go to like Europe, Germany.
And he goes, yeah, but I want to go to Thailand. Yeah, after watching White Lotus, I got to go to Thailand.

Yeah, man.

Nothing was an advertisement for Thailand like the White Lotus was. God, everybody's like that.
Even on the Dwell Hellos are doing that now. It's like, yeah, Thailand.
Woof.

I mean, we make a great freaking team, I'll tell you that. I mean, before you know it, we'll be like the next Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.
He's like, yeah. Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Do you like apples? No. Oh, yeah, because I got a number.
How about them, apples? Oh, so good.

Okay, so now we get a staff meeting. Done, done, done.

And everyone's kind of wandering in, and so here we go.

All right, so as you know, sir is my baby. No, Max is just some convict I adopted for a while.
Stop asking about Max. All right, Natalie works her ass off here, and this is her livelihood.

Look at her. This woman has been wearing the same TJ Max blazer for 17 years.

Poor Natalie. French tears, French tears, French tears.
Her tears even come out as clotted cream. Right.

Dedicated she is. British.
Now I'm pissed off.

No, I did not find Either. I'll still did not find.

I could not find my Edith PF CD set. Oh, that is too bad.

Well,

this is what I saw. On the video.
Marcus was standing in the back of house, smooping cups of sangria, and Veena standing there with Jason and Marcus taking shots.

Before you even start working, what kind of service are you going to give? I'm not happy with you all. Not at all.
And you know the worst thing about it is?

That Natalie had to see this while she was looking for her missing item that we don't know it is. Natalie, are you quite okay?

Look at her in her sad, sad, tearful rayon.

Think about what you're doing to Natalie. West Hollywood used to be vibrant and the pandemic has brought us to our knees.
Restaurant costs are up. Many restaurants closed down.

Do you want to be hamburger haven?

Do you want to be hamburger haven or hamburger hadn't? Okay, so let me tell you,

the one I'm angriest at of all, the one who I'm so mad about, is Marcus. Marcus, Marcus, Marcus.
You're training him and getting shit-faced? Restaurant costs. Like I said, restaurant costs are up.

Restaurants are closed closed down. Things are up, things are down.
Hibs up, hose down. I've had enough of this.
This is survival of the fittest. So, right now, I want you to get your shit.

Go home and have a really good think about it. Because let me tell you, I don't want to speak to you anymore, Marcus, until you report right back here this evening for your shift.

He's like, but I am fit. No, you aren't.
I heard that you only gave a two out of ten in your workout with Shane Davis. What a handsome man.

Get out!

Did somebody say something about a Jeep in there? Get out, employees only, Shane Davis.

Sometimes people get a little too comfortable, and they make ridiculous decisions. And this was one of them, and Marcus will pay for it.
I haven't decided how yet, but I've decided this.

Boys will be boys.

What did I say until this happened, he was going to continue doing what he's doing? Like, but also, like, is he dumb? Is he like so dumb? Be so for real right now.

I like that Kim gets mad at her boyfriend and immediately she's just like has his back, not at all. She's like, yeah, dumbass drunk.

They should fire him. They should get rid of him.

So Venus is like, I don't even drink at work, but the one time I fucking drink at work, I got caught.

So they have this producer outside on the sidewalk. This is like at the end of like Judge Judy when they like, it is, lost the case.
Yeah, it's like Doug Lou Allen out there.

He's like, how do you feel? He's like, well, I didn't expect it, but it's not my day. You know, I did do the crime, so I guess I gotta do the time.
On my couch.

Yeah, it's gonna suck.

Yeah.

And so, all right, everyone. Now, if we're going to continue to survive, this is a business.
And you know that because I'm wearing a tie and a vest. But also, magic! Okay, sorry about the smoke bomb.

Not appropriate. I understand.
You're all confused. It's all about being your best and your brightest and making sure that nobody's nobody's waiting longer than three minutes for a drink.

Not kind of walking up and being like, oh, I had a shot. Do we understand each other?

Now, this is the longest monologue I've ever given. Now leave.
Please leave. Hand me the old jiggy.
Hand me the old jiggy.

Ah, this is what is going to happen to your jobs if you ever drink again at work.

Smoke bomb, please, one smoke bomb.

So then they all go.

they are they're actually so shook that they not only go to the back alley they seem to go to like a back alley of the back alley they find some bench off like around the corner and Venus is like I thought I was gonna shit my pants on that that was like the scariest meeting that we've ever had here at Sur yeah they're like that was terrifying so Audrey's like I didn't even know they did that they just seem so normal I can't believe they were drinking

I told him no so many times. Thank God.
Thank God. So they're all like, yeah, they need to stop drinking at work.

And Venus is like, I doubt he does it again. And Kim says, yeah, I definitely disagree.
Honestly, I'm not going to sit here and be his support system about what just happened.

Like, go be on your own and realize what it's like for me not to be around. I mean, where is he when I need him? I'm so fucking tired of it.
It's like, oh, God, Kim, Jesus.

Still, we're not dating you. Do we have to listen to your bullshit to be quiet?

I love she makes this about her. Yeah.
Like, I mean, he can come to me and apologize and be remorseful and sit at my feet if he wants me to speak to him.

I'm like, I don't think he's looking for support from you right now.

So I'll just like, yeah, go tell him to get down on all fours and beg. Yeah, high five.
High five. High five, girl power.
We did it. Yeah.
So I don't know. That was the end of it.
I enjoyed it.

I mean, it was nothing, you know,

Pulitzer winning, but I don't think it's supposed to be. I think it's.

I think it's perfectly fun, perfectly fun entertainment. That's what we want from these shows.
We want them to be petty. We want them to be squabbling.

And I like that they've been working here for like literal decades. I think that's important, like when you have a cast that knows each other.

And I mean, most of them have known each other since 2023. Yeah, so that's a long time.

Guys, that's a very long time. All right, everybody.
Thanks for being here. We'll be back tomorrow with Southern Charm.
And then is the season premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

We'll talk to you next time.

Bye.

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