#3101 Southern Charm S11E03 Part 1: Lost Boy Lit

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Here's your invitation to have it all. Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.
Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field.

Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Moss and Rebecca Yaros, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash crappins. That's audible.com slash crappins.

You already know we love virgin voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.
We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.
And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean. The destinations are amazing, too.
Some highlights are Ruba, St.

Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, the Med. Oh my God, the boats are beautiful.
They're so modern. The rooms are just so luxurious.

I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies. And I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.
That makes me so happy.

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages. Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

The holidays are coming fast and they're coming hard. And you know what? It's time for some last-minute gifts.
It's time for home preparations. And we don't need to be stressed about it.

We can embrace it and we can have fun with it that's why we use wayfair okay you can get it done properly you can get it done quickly i'm gonna get a whole bunch of new bedding because i'm gonna have some guests over the holiday and it's time to upgrade the bedding and wayfair which i never really even looked at wayfair for bedding but it has gorgeous comfy bedding i just got a beautiful soft feathery blanket you know for cuddling up and on the bed you know the blanket that you put between the bed sheet and the bed spread

delicious Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals and gift list with endless inspiration for every space and budget.

Fast and easy delivery, even on the big stuff, so you can get what you need when you need it. No more huge delivery fees for furniture.

Get big stuff like sofas, dining tables, beds, desks, and more shipped for free. Find all your must-haves from furniture and decor to appliances and cookware all in one convenient place.

Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.
That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there.
Hello, Ben.

Hi,

how are you?

Happy birthday, my little Ben Timooney.

Well, thank you so much. Ben has just turned 32 today.
Happy birthday, Ben.

It's official. I'm in my 30s.

Thanks, Ronnie. Thank you so much.
What are you you doing today's special for your day? Well, first of all, I'm basking in all the love that people are giving me

on all platforms and mediums. I appreciate it.
All the loves and all the love and the loves.

I already did my first big check mark, which is, of course, today is bagel Thursday. So I took myself to my favorite bagel shop in Los Angeles, which is Hanks over in Toluca Lake.

I went into the valley. for my bagel this morning.

And so I mean, we've got some things going for us over there. Yeah.
Got Hanks. Hanks, Hanks and Bagel Boss.
They are neck and necks and home goods.

I mean, there's a lot of great stuff in the valley, including you, Ronnie, although you're in Texas. You're in a different valley right now.
Um, so I did, I did that. I'm gonna podcast with you.

I'm in the valley of the damned.

Um, and then uh, tonight I'm gonna go see um, Allison Roman doing her book tour for her new cookbook. So, it's kind of like a very bend day.
It's also National Cookie Day.

I did not know that this fell on my birthday.

How did I get to all 32 years of my life without knowing that today was national cookie day so i'm very excited about that i will find i will source a cookie later today um so yeah clearly a very exciting day actually i would say

it's kind of like a perfect bend day i'm i'm not gonna lie like between bagels and allison roman and you you know it's great the only thing that's missing is dom dom's in chicago teaching so but you know that's

well

Cheat. Today is the day you cheat.
Not your birthday. You can't get in trouble.

Today is the day you bang someone at the Alice and Roman show. I know.

And I, you know, I had a great time last night. I went to the Spotify rapt party here in Hollywood with Courtney from Two Judgy Girls We Love and Diallo from One Song.
So go check out their podcast.

I did have a Bravo Lebritte encounter, but I'm going to talk about that on our Beverly Hills recap. Not going to talk about that.
Oh, God, I got to wait all the way till the end of the day.

It's a teaser, everyone.

I've actually already actively overhyped it, but it wouldn't be a birthday for me without overhyping something, right? But

anyway, the point is

it's been a fun 12 hours. Well, good, baby.
Glad you're having fun. Glad you were born.
Thanks, Carolyn. Yeah.
Popping them out. And Larry takes two, you know.
Yeah. Well, she did the work.

She did not. Not really.
She really did the work.

She did the work. No, yeah.
Thank you too, Larry, for whatever you did. So

everyone welcome to the show. Wait, I want to thank you, Ronnie, because you put up a very funny and lovely mess thing on social media where you where you put me in an Inegarten outfit.
And

I assume it wasn't. Well, you know that's from Caitlin.
Oh, it was Caitlin who did that? Well, either way, spirit of you. I just laughed.
Oh, I thought you totally did that.

But that was like, that was the greatest honor of all was to be seen in the queen Inegartens, you know, Bob and Blue shirts.

A little barefoot Ben Tessa. Yes.

So the best thing you can do for Ben for his birthday, go follow him on Instagram, everybody. You know it.
And get some Substack going on.

Go to the Lincoln bio and get to his Substack.

Stats are the best gift a girl could ask for.

So last week was Thanksgiving. So we missed Southern Charm.
Yes.

We missed. And

so much happened.

Did you watch it? Of course. Of course I watched it.

I'm actually so glad that we skipped it because if we had to recap that chaotic beach scene, that would have driven us both crazy because there was all the characters were on the beach throwing around a football and everything was crossing back and forth.

It was so much, we would have been a nightmare. So I'm really actually so glad we did not have to do that.

But I think for me, the biggest thing was that we met the new cast member, Charlie, who is our latest Twit on the Twit Express. And,

you know, talk about a birthday gift is to have a new vapid idiot on Bravo. I'm so excited.
I'm ready for it.

How dare you? She's a debutante. You're right.

How dare you? She was so bratty. So, yeah, last week.

Do you think she was really Braddy? Why do you think she was Braddy? What'd she do?

Well, okay,

I'm coming in really hot for her. I actually am not even that impassioned about her.
It's like, wow, what'd Charlie do?

I mean, I'd look at Charlie kind of as like a coaster. She's just somewhere you set your drink for a couple of seasons, like most of the people that they bring on this show.

Most of the ladies that they bring on this show, because the ladies are just the bait. You know, the show is about the old singing singing bass on the wall, which are the men.
True. And

the ladies are just the bait. They use them up, they abuse them, and then they leave them.
And then we get a new crop of dummies.

Although it is starting to look like a Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, story

in the tabloids. I mean, they're just getting younger and younger, and those boys are not.

Austin said last night, yeah, I'm 34. I was like, 34?

And I thought, or whatever. I think he said he was 34 or 36, something like that.
And I was like, in what world? Do they just not sell moisturizer over there? Okay, so go ahead.

No, I actually don't hate her. Charlie.
I don't hate her at my side. Sounds like I do.
I really just came in hot because I'm just, you know, I'm fueled on a bagel and a coffee, guys.

Bagel meets coffee.

I just feel like last week. We're just friends.
She just like had all the, the camera kept on catching her. She'd be like, around the boys, she'd be like smiling.

And then like around the girls, they just, the camera would catch her just like sneering. Like,

I was like, oh, gosh this one you know i think it's just that she has a praying mantis face kind of in a in a good way like in a pretty way she's very pretty but she's got

there's something like praying mantis about her and i'm hoping that it goes into her personality like i'm hoping she's more of a predator than we're seeing so far yeah i did notice around the around us

the audience, she talks like this. She's got kind of like, hi, I'm Charlie.
I'm like a debutante. And I'm like, like, I'm really into being Charlie.
I love being me.

And then when she's around the board, it's like, oh my God, hi. Like, so good to meet you.

I noticed that. But otherwise, I mean, she's very gorgeous.
You know, she's a gorgeous girl. I don't really know much about her.
I'm automatically not disliking her. I'm just protective of her because

she's on Southern Charm. So I just want to show up there in my auntie van and just have it idling down the corner so that they could jump in.
I mean, Shep's neck looks like turkey skin.

And I did just see a turkey get kicked last week. So I think that's why I'm thinking.
But I just want them to be protected, you know? Yeah. Because these men are the worst, including Craig.

You've got Craig off the wagon now.

So I don't know that Craig was ever on the wagon, let's be honest, but at least he was pretending to need to be on a wagon, I guess, whatever his storyline was last year when he's like, I'm an alcoholic.

Well, he was drunk.

You can't dodge me like I'm an alcoholic.

and then i think drank the whole season anyway um he definitely like like grabbed onto two ropes hanging off the back of the wagon and put some like rollerblades on and let the wagon tow him for a little bit so he's like i'm on the wagon dude but it's like yeah

i don't know you're you're moving along with the wagon and you're attached to it but i don't know if you're actually on it

And listen, I'm not a huge wagon seller. I believe that people should be able to be off the wagon if they want to.
I don't feel like there's any real guilt there.

I mean, if you're ruining your life and stuff, you have your own self-guilt. You You don't need mine.
But

I'm not like a huge, like, get on the wagon, everybody. Come.
I've got a

wagon sale going on. I'm not like that.
But I do have a pet peeve with people who performatively talk about wagons or

use it to get out of a fight.

Yeah. Or to win a fight.
Yes, which is what he was doing. Like using it to

gain some sympathy and stuff like that when you're not even putting in the work because it's hard work. So I would only support.

I only support using being on the wagon to get out of a fight if you do it in a very melodramatic, campy way. Like, how dare you say that? I'm on the wagon, you know.

But if you're doing it the way Craig was doing it, it's not campy, it's just like, oh, you're just lying again. Um, also, how drunk was that person who fell off the wagon the first time?

Because you know, like it had to have come from, I'm assuming the expression came from some situation where people were on a wagon together and then someone was so drunk that they fell off of it.

And like, oh, look, drunk again, fell off the wagon. They were so drunk.

Marge falling off the wagon on the Oregon trail, it happens. Yeah, like this, something significant happened.

But I have to say, so they're setting up, what we missed last week is that we're setting up some sort of like, it's not a love triangle, it's not a love rhombus, it's just sort of like a love, you know,

amoeba, where essentially the whole thing is that Sally now likes Craig, but then she also likes Austin.

And the thing is, Austin is with Aubrey. And so she sort of wants all the guys, but she really likes Craig, even though it's a violation of girl code with Vanita.

And so then she went and told new girl, well, Charlie, but now Charlie seems like she likes Craig, and Craig seems to like Charlie, and Sally's left out. So there's this whole thing.

And it all came to a head when

Craig wanted to spend more time frolicking in the waves with Charlie. And then there was a football incident where it turns out that Sally is really good at throwing a a football better than I can.

I'll tell you that much. And but Aubrey can't.
You know why, right? Why? Because she's not just one of the girls. Okay.
She's like one of the guys.

But Aubrey can't throw a football very well, which is like kind of like damning evidence in the world of Southern Charm that Austin and Sally should be together and that he secretly loves Sally because she's better at throwing a football.

Yeah, it was it was it was pretty mature, the whole storyline, you know, basing your basing your conquests on how well they throw a football. But Austin, we found out, can't surf or anything either.

So he's kind of sucks at all that stuff too. So does he kind of belong with Charlie?

Going by this logic. Well, also,

we had like our first scene of Aubrey

being cast in the Jamie Gertz role because in the past, like,

because you know, I always say I'm the Jamie Gertz, where I'm like the, I'm like the, the, the city girl in Twister who is like uncomfortable with everything, but is trying to, like, is trying to get along to get along and then gets left for helen hunt or something so i think that like she is

last season aubrey was just like the nice girl from charlotte who came around who were like oh no run but this year she's like angry she's like meh i'm angry you well that's how they're i don't think she's angry and if she is it's justified but they're casting her as like this sullen sour puss who comes down to charleston and is unhappy about it and so uh she's definitely like in this jamie gertz like outsider role that that Austin's going to leave for Charlie.

Yeah, they're kind of trying to get people to ruin to root against Aubrey because she doesn't like traffic, which is really weird.

Like they had that whole like, well, Austin, the traffic really sucks. Like it sucks being in traffic.
And I really hate traffic. And

traffic, traffic, traffic. And then they just cut it all together as this one long.

Poor Austin has to listen to this girl talk about traffic. Yes, because he never goes to see her.
She always has to come see him because he does not give a shit about this girl.

This girl is reputation defense. Okay.
We all know it. Austin had a rough season that Olivia season.
So he got, he did the best thing he could.

He got some girl who was out of town so he could cheat on her all the time, do whatever the fuck he wanted and have nobody to call him on it. And then

he could just have, you know, the convenient every one weekend, every month kind of a relationship where she comes to see him. Everybody knows it.

And this poor girl is the only person that does not know it. It's so sad.

Girl, if if you're, if you're the one, if it's 90% of the time you're coming down to South Carolina, or I should, yeah, to Charleston, if you're doing that 90% of the time for a guy who's going to go on TV and be like, I don't know, is he the one?

I don't know. I don't know.
It's like, he doesn't even know if he really likes you. And he's saying that on TV and you're still making that drive.
Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
I'm Team Aubrey.

He's like, I love when she's here, but I love when she's gone. Like, that's

not good.

Also, the fact that people are fighting over the men on the show will never stop making me laugh. It just cracks me.
Yeah. Like, you've got people

actually

poised to fight over Austin, who's just like,

come on now.

I just don't. I just don't buy it.
This show is so unrealistic. But we do have a new guy.
But yeah, so

we have a new guy. Oh, we met the new guy, Whitner.
Whitner. Just take the wit.
Just take the

white guy. He's a white guy.
Just keep the wit and the E.

That's pretty much what we're getting from him.

He's pretty cute, I guess. I think he actually is really cute.
I actually really like him so far, which means he'll wind up being terrible. That's the way it goes.
I'm always bamboozled.

Whitner, what a name. Whitner.

It's like someone wanted to name him Whitney and then found out there already was a Whitney on the cast. So they sort of like had a doubt at the end.
It's like, we're going to name him Whitney.

No, I think they wanted to just take out the N. I think he was born without the N in his name and his name was just wider.
His family was just, you know, what

we've got the best son, he's wider than your son.

And someone was like, That's offensive. Like, some nurse added in an N in the birth certificate.
Yeah, they're like, Let's just fix this. Okay,

yeah, he, um, he's cute. His mustache needs either grooming or shaving.
I would like to see him without the mustache because I think he would be cuter.

We do see him without mustache, I think, in some shots coming up the season. I think it was in the trailer.
I like him with the mustache. I think he's got like, he seems, and he's a lawyer.

He's an actual lawyer, not a Craig lawyer, which I feel like is, I feel like that's notable, you know, on a show of people who don't do anything. He actually has an advanced degree and a job.

So that means he's only going to be a one season wonder. Let's also not forget.

He actually reports and has obligations and responsibilities. So

yeah, he's not going to last long here.

Maybe, but this show likes to keep duds. I mean, this show will give a dud a chance.

That's true. I think.
So you never know. So last week, the plot was introducing new people and reminding us that this show is like about like love and dating.

And basically, this is the whorehouse of Bravo. They basically hire girls to bang the guys.

It's always been this way since the very beginning when they were passing around Catherine like a Thanksgiving, you know. Turkey.
Turkey leg or whatever. And it continues to this day.

And so we meet the new crop of dum dums and we already knew sally sally is just you were wondering if it's like a love rhombus or whatever it's a love petri dish with sally because sally just wants everybody she doesn't care she's just like i'm gonna get in the goo with everybody whatever sticks and listen as my mima said A friend to everybody is a friend to no one.

In this case, a girlfriend to everybody is a girlfriend to no one. Listen, they all want, they all want you.
They want to fuck everybody, but they want you to only want to fuck them.

You should know that about guys by now, you know? Yeah.

Sally's like, you know, I really liked Sally last season, but for this season,

I'm not loving her. I have to say.
I'm not.

I don't know. I don't know.
Maybe it's, maybe it's because she's getting, maybe it's her edit and I'm just falling for the edit.

But it's just like, I feel like some of the magic has gone with Sally this season.

Whatever magic there was. I think Sally has auditioned very, very hard to get on this show.

You know, we saw her on Southern Hospitality, you know, hooking up with two of those guys at the same time, trying to get on that show.

That ended up backfiring, and she was no longer welcome on that show. And then she somehow made it onto this show, and she's kind of playing the same game on this show.

And I mean, learn your lesson, you know?

And that's more of a, it's not like a slut-shaming thing.

I think we should fuck everybody that we want, you know, but it's more of like a learn how to play your game kind of a thing because that's not how these guys are, that's not how you're going to stay on the show.

It's like she'd be, she went from being like a sexual, self-possessed person to being a little bit more of a pick-me this season. And I'm like, hmm.

Also, I will say I am enjoying, I continue to enjoy the strange,

like, almost unnecessary presence of Molly. Like, she just is like there doing weird things, you know?

Like, she's a little bit in the story this episode because she was annoyed at Molly and told, I think, well, we'll get to it in the notes because I just, I can't remember from last night.

But she like was Molly with shit talking Sally. Molly was Molly was shit talking Sally to someone.
I think to Benita.

And so now there's like a little bit of tension, but Molly just sort of like shows up and has a snake, plays a tuba, dresses like a wizard. Dresses as Gannon.

It's just like, she doesn't really make any sense. But I actually am like, I actually need that.
Like, I need that for this show. I need someone who is just sort of like.

like existing in the same space this show, but makes no sense within it. I'm like, please, just more Molly.

Yeah, it bothered me that Molly skipped her recital to hang out with that loser, Corey Kiefer, Corey Kweefer. What a lose.
What a trash bag. So I didn't love that, but she redeemed herself.

She redeemed herself today, for sure.

I didn't love that she skipped her recital either, but I did love that then she went in a downward spiral and cried about it at the party where she was actively skipping. That was funny.

And then had to call and like beg for her spot in the orchestra back.

And I'm glad that she moved on from corey she was like he doesn't even know what a euphonium is uh yeah corey did something last week i don't know it was the typical corey thing but he was definitely

his tongue was out

he was very yeah

yeah what girl you're gonna talk to

uh yeah he's still gross so i think that was pretty much last week they had a party and now we're now i guess vanita and rodrigo are the decorators has that always been the case or is that a new thing i always feel like that's a new thing.

I always thought Rodrigo did like

something more corporate.

I never really remember what Rodrigo did, but like they, I mean, Venita's always been a lifestyle influencer or whatever, but Rodrigo says he's a professional interior designer, but I don't know if he was just being facetious.

He was just making a joke, or if he, that is his chosen occupation.

One of the many mysteries of the show, so many layers that happen at Southern Charm.

Yeah, there are so many layers.

So, it seemed that that was pretty much all that happened last week. I don't know.
Here's my face

last week while I watched a show.

Uh, for those who do not have

scrunch,

it was pinched. I betrayed all my Botox, which, by the way, is still not working.
Look what I can still do. This is fresh Botox.

So, um,

yeah, it was okay. It's time for a commercial, it's time for a crappin's commercial.

Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is when I need my wardrobe to just work.
That's why I'm all about Quince. Quince makes the essentials every guy needs.

Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50, Italian wool coats that look and feel designer, and denim and chinos that fit just right. Their outerwear lineup is no joke.

Down jackets, wool topcoats, and leather styles that are built to last.

Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production.

By cutting out the middlemen and traditional markups, Quince delivers the same quality as luxury brands at a fraction of the price.

It's everything you actually want to wear built to hold up season after season. And you know, in Los Angeles, it doesn't get very cold here, but it can get a little chilly.

And I have my beautiful Mongolian cashmere sweater from Quince, and it has been perfect for these chilly evenings.

Yeah, I think we keep saying Mongolian cashmere so much when we're talking about Quince that that's what I went for too.

I got a Mongolian cashmere hoodie, like a camel-colored hoodie, and it's comfortable and it is

gorgeous.

Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait.
Go to quince.com/slash crap ins for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

That's q-u-in-ce-e.com/slash crap ins free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com/slash crap ins

you know that feeling when you come home late from work work and those puppy dog eyes just pierce right through your soul?

Or when you're packing for a trip and your cat refuses to leave your suitcase? Yeah, we've all been there. Pet parent guilt is real.
And you know what? It's completely normal.

That's exactly why Hill's Pet Nutrition exists. They understand that being a pet parent means being human with all our imperfections and daily juggling acts.

Hill's science-led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible. Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance attention between multiple pets, Hills Pet Nutrition gets it.

They've created science-based nutrition that supports your pet's lifelong health so you can feel confident even when life gets hectic. Because you're only human, there's Hills.
Science does more.

Ready to let go of the guilt? Find the right food at hillspet.com/slash crappins. That's hillspet.com/slash crappins.

So, then this week we start off with this week is 11:03. It's called a novel approach.

Beach Party House. So, this is the day after the beach party, and

it's a shitstide. I mean, there's stuff everywhere: empty jello shots,

stuff all over the house. And Sally's like, oh my God, this house is disgusting.
What the frick?

And then we see flashbacks. 1.27 a.m.
Someone's putting whipped cream into Sally's mouth. 1.53 a.m.
Whitney, the fireman, carries Craig. Whitney fireman carries Craig.

Meaning like he puts Craig over his shoulder and carries Craig somewhere, which is very interesting. Is that Whitner or Whitney?

Must have been Whitner because I can't imagine Whitney ever lifting anything.

Yeah, Whitney is not lifting something. Whitney is not picking up Craig.
He's like, oh, mother. Like Patricia might, but I'm too rich for this.
I'm too rich. I don't carry poor people.

So then Molly and Rod at two in the morning, Molly and Rodrigo are playing Flip Cup and everyone's cheering. It's all fun.
And Sally goes, ew, what is that?

Because she sees some half-eaten food on a plate.

And then it's 2.38 and Vanita falls down the stairs because Vanita, like, Vanita just can't go very far without falling down something or falling into something.

Because Vanita just cannot win this show. No.
Okay. She just can't win.
Nothing she does. Vanita is just never going to win this show.

You know, people aired air humping and dancing, doing keg stands. So Sally has to clean.

And now it's Austin's house and his alarm goes off and he's in bed with audrey and i call her aubrey i'm sorry everyone you're right it's it's audrey

yeah it's audrey i could call her aubrey like 10 million times just yeah little shop of horrors just think of it that way except i don't know it's kind of a boring never married don't think of it that way

we are team audrey but we're not that much of a team audrey

mr mushnick yes doctor

so she gets out of bed is he pretending to be asleep when she gets out of bed? And then she leaves and he

implies.

That's what they implied.

And then Charlie's apartment.

She FaceTimes her mom, Denise, love her mom. Oh, wait.
Sorry. What?

Pause. I'm so sorry.
One thing we forgot last week is that messy ass Madison sat down with Audrey at this beach thing and she was like, oh, by the way, I think that

Sally wants to be in Austin. Yes.

And so she caused that, which caused Audrey's eyebrows to just go crazy. Those poor things.
They were like two big pens, just like pointing at it, pointing up at each other.

And she was like, well, and she at first acted all unbothered, but she was not all unbothered. And she tried to have a talk with Austin.

And she's like, you know, I mean, I just feel like it's so weird because like I'm always driving here, like you make no effort.

And he's like, well, but it's because like, I don't know, but when you're here, it's like great

because it's easy. She's like, okay, but he's basically like, it's more fun here than it is up there, right?

Because I think it's like my, it's easier when you come to me. Why would I want to go to you? I don't even like you.
I think that's a placeholder. You're like dating a bookmark.

I think specifically what happened was that she was, Audrey was talking to Madison and was like, wow, it looks like Sally really likes Craig. And Matt's like, no, I think that she likes Austin.

And

just drops because, and then there's this clip that they played now like 15 times since then of

sally talking amongst a group of people being like

austin whoa i love austin the moment that he breaks up with audrey i'm getting right on in there it's like she makes this whole big announcement so she made it pretty clear she's actually very much into austin but also into craig but denying that she's into craig yes

yeah

Okay, so sorry, go ahead. Charlie's apartment.
So Charlie's apartment.

So her mom, Denise, calls, who's very southern, and she's like, so either you had a busy weekend or you just could not talk to your mother.

I mean, I mean, maybe if you had won your pageant, maybe there'd be a reason why you couldn't call me because you'd be so busy, but you're, you lost that.

So why no phone call for your sweet mother who raised you?

So let me guess, you either had a terrible weekend, you couldn't call your mother, or you had a great weekend, you couldn't call your mother. Here's the common denominator.
Didn't call your mother.

Didn't call your mother. And here I am dressed like a Mormon coming over the Oregon Trail

in a wagon that your daddy fell off of the second he saw another drop of wine.

Well, mother. Why do the moms dress like this on this show? She was dressing, she was in a full like frock, like

very white frock that had that clown collar thing around it. Why do they dress like that on here? Like kind of like elder Mormons? It's weird.
I don't, I don't know.

I always think it's just so strange. Like,

yeah, I don't, I don't know. Like, she can only be a few years older than us, only a few.

But, like, why are you dressing like you're like truly like you're in like a, like, like one of those like Bush Gardens colonial simulations? Yes.

Why are you dressing? It's like colonial straitjacket.

Yes, it is like that.

You know, the

things they wear on their heads in those times, like the late, like the nightcaps that they wear, the bonnets,

the ladies wear in old stories from that time. It's the dress is like that.
It's just a weird look. I don't get it.
And I've noticed it in a lot of moms on this show.

So anyway, Charlie's like, what, mom? It was a good weekend. I had so much fun.
Like, obviously, I talked to you about the singles party beforehand. And her mom goes, oh, yeah, I saw your outfit.

Now, were you pleasant?

Oh, God.

Here we go.

You're a woman. Better make yourself nice and pleasant and pliable for the men folk.
So Charlie's like, my mom is my best friend.

I'm so close to my family because we're all in close proximity to each other. So, I'm like, literally close to them.
You know, look, here's a picture of us in matching pajamas.

Yeah, because I was born and raised in Greenwood, South Carolina, in the middle of nowhere. Like, this is how you would know my town is too small.

Because my dad would sit me down and be like, Charlie, one of my friends saw you, saw you were talking on the phone, driving while talking on the cell phone. Are you texting and driving, Charlie?

Because that's how you know your town is too small.

God, I'm so old. I got caught because my parents' friend saw me driving down the road reading a newspaper in the car.

I was reading a newspaper while I was driving, and I totally got called out for that. That's how old I am.
Okay, we didn't have texting. I'd love it.
So that's what I was doing.

I was reading the paper. I love your legacy media story.

Isn't that funny? And it was on a horse. I was on a horse.
So it was a wagon, actually. It was the wagon.

So she talks about how she played football. The mom's like, You played football, you are a lady.

And uh, Charlie's like, I can prove it because look at these bruises, mom. I got one on my leg, and I got another one on my knee.

We don't see the bruises, no, I don't think there are bruises, but she's pointing to her legs anyway. And her mom's like, Well, obviously, you didn't play very well, that ain't how you were raised.

Okay,

she's like, Um, okay,

and then she goes, You were pleasant, you were very pleasant, right? She's like, I was so pleasant. It's actually crazy how pleasant I was.
She goes, And were you interesting?

And I mean, by that, did you ask that man about himself? Did you ask him about what he likes and his pleasures? What does he like when he comes home from work at the end of a long day?

And love to talk about that. Oh my God, was oh my god, were you interesting?

She's like, well, are you, are you saying I'm not interesting? She goes, well, you know, I guess you can be at times. No, you're not very interesting, Charlie.

Oh, my God. That's just,

I feel like just saying interesting is so coded that I just love the passive aggression of saying that.

And then the mom actually saying like, you're actually not very interesting is kind of amazing, too. So savage.
Yeah.

So Charlie tells us, I had a very southern upbringing. Like my mom put me and my little sister in a pageant just to see if we'd like it.
And we freaking loved it. Oh, shocker.
Shocker.

She's a beauty queen. Well, we knew this last week, I guess.
She loved being on that stage. I'm not kidding.
I was like, Miss Tractor something. I have to find a picture.
I had a crown.

There was like a tiara. There was a tractor on it.
And I was like,

what is, oh, Cotillion, she did. She did Cotillion.
She was a debutante. She goes, of course, I was a debutante.
Of course. And I was actually little Miss South Carolina overall queen.

And then I did Miss South Carolina USA and I lost.

And we see this. We also find out last week.
Oh, God. Yeah, I was about to say last week, Craig was a judge in that patch.

And he's like, yeah, I actually voted for her to win, but like other people didn't vote. And then she didn't go on.

But I feel like had she gone on because the person who won actually went on to like Miss USA. And then she lost.

But I feel like if she had, like, people listened to me, she would have gone to Miss USA and she probably would have won. It's like, okay, Craig.
Sure, take credit. Like, there's no way to verify.

Craig did not vote for her to win. I'm going to tell you that right now.

Yeah, there's no way to verify, that's for sure. And she doesn't believe it anyway.

So then

Denise is the mom is saying, so, well, that's good. Y'all can talk things through.
Because we're talking, she mentions that Sally got all pissed off at her because she was talking to Craig.

And she's like, well, were you talking to him a lot? And she's like, well, I mean, I don't feel like I was talking to him any more than I was talking to anyone else.

And then we see another flashback where Sally's like, I mean, if you're into him, you can go for it. Just let me me know.

I mean, just, I mean, if you're into him, just go ahead and steal him from me if you're going to.

And Charlie tells us, yeah, I mean, me flirting with Craig at Sally's party, it's not me going for it.

It's just me flirting and maybe distracting him from someone he might want to go for just for funsies. That's it.

Well, it's good that you can talk things through with Sally. Loose, loose, Sally.
Well.

And Charlie's like, yeah, I mean, you know, I wasn't going for it or anything. She goes, okay, well, let me know how things are going so I can give you some motherly advice.

Now, be pleasant, smile, don't forget to ask men about themselves. Okay, love you.

So now Vanita goes to Sally's house and

they say hi and everything. And there's dogs and all that fun stuff.
And Sally's like, watch out. He's going to pee on you.
He's going to pee on you. Yeah.

Which you could really say about any of the guys on the show, not just her dog. But, you know.

So they're going to go sit outside together. So they get in their bathing suits.

And Vanita's like, yeah, oh, by the way, had lunch with Molly. Not a big fan of yours, I don't think.

Smooth. Yeah, real smooth.
So we see a clip of Molly and Vanita having lunch and Molly saying, yeah, I got very drunk at the baby shower.

So it kind of pissed me off that Sally was like, oh my God, Molly is like to Madison. You know what I mean? Like, what the hell?

And then we see a flashback of Molly with Madison and Molly saying well I wanted to apologize for how I acted at the baby shower and her saying well Sally brought it to my attention dot dot dot

yeah so Molly's like okay noted this now we're back in the Vanita flashback we we went through inception we went to Vanita Molly and then there's a flashback within that and now we're back we're back down the first layer of flashback And Molly's like, I mean, noted, I can't trust you.

But yeah, until she really pissed me off the other day, I was like, you know, I'm not going to repeat all the things I say because I'm not a shitty friend, but Sally can't call dibs on every single man in Charleston.

So that's her issue is that Sally's calling Dibs.

Okay, so wait, why can't she trust her? So

what happened at the baby shower? What didn't I get?

I guess Molly was saying that, I guess did maybe Sally tell Madison that Molly was like wasted or something.

I don't really know. Oh, I guess.
Okay. Yeah, I couldn't remember.
That was a really exciting episode, you guys. I can't believe, I can't believe I don't remember it.
This is a very low effort.

Oh, I think I would have to say. It's low effort.
I do agree with what Molly is saying about Sally. Like, you can't just come claim dibs.
We've all had that friend who just walks in.

They're like, mine, mine, mine. And if you go for them, you have bad girl code or bad boy code in my case.
It's like, no, you don't get to just pick everybody, you know?

And they always pick the hottest ones too. I mean, in this case, not necessarily.

So Sally's like yeah i'm just frustrated or uh molly is like yeah i'm just no sally i'm just god can we get a new name you guys know we changed the name

realize there's so many flashbacks that are happening within because then we go to another flashback so we're still in the flashback of molly and vanita at lunch why do we not just see this scene it'd be much easier for us we're at the molly vanita flashback And then we flash over to the Sally single party where Molly is like talking to Sally and says, what am I going to do while you're on a surfboard?

And then Sally goes, flirt with Craig, which I guess is

like

example of Molly. I don't know.
So this is like, we come back to the lunch and Molly again says, you can't call dibs on everyone. Craig is not yours.
Because I think Molly, does Molly like Craig?

I forgot. I think they said that at the beginning of the season.
Yes.

Well, Molly, I don't know. Molly, I think, look.
On this show, you have to be dating one of the guys to stay on the show, right?

So I think everybody wants to be dating somebody even if they don't really want to be dating any of these guys they just kind of are like well where's my place but molly's not as desperate about it as the other one is so sally's like well i'm just a little bit frustrated with molly for talking about to me about shit about me to you because like she's blowing up my phone every day and so i'm thinking we're besties so well anyway there's a lot of people that i think are hot and that's okay i think that's okay vinita's like okay but to clear the air you aren't attracted to Craig.

And she's like, well, I mean, I don't know. Do I think he's hot? Yeah.
Do I like being in this hot tub until four in the morning? Yeah. So yes, you're attracted to him.
You are attracted to him.

Vinita's like,

yeah, I don't do the best job of letting people know the things they're doing that are making me unhappy. So Sally's like, it's not that deep, if that makes any sense.

I mean, I'm talking about the hot tub. It's just like, what, like three feet deep? It's not that bad.
So Vinita's like, okay, like, don't bring up my drowning again.

Also, I wish there was a world where Sally could just open up those big ass blue eyes she's got and be like, oh, right, I shouldn't be doing this because my best friend is mad at the person I'm trying to hang out with right now.

Vanita's like, I'm trying to have a feud, okay? Okay,

I'm doing this. This is like my fourth season on the show.
I'm trying to have a storyline. You're kind of not letting me have my storyline right now.

Yeah, I think this is just a stretch for Vanita, honestly. I think it's just, she's stretching right now with this.

First of all, someone can like the other cast members on the show just because you're having a fight with them that's weird i mean you were with jt last year and everybody hated him and as i recall the only person who was really nice to you through all of that was craig when everybody else was kind of against you like far be it from me to stand up for craig but i think this is just kind of a stretch for her this whole like i hate craig because i'm friends with paige it just seems

it's too much because he's like one of the stars of the TV show. So well, no, it wasn't that.
What are you going to do? He didn't hate Craig because she's Team Paige.

it's more like she said team page and craig said i'm never gonna talk to her ever again and she's like okay well him but um i i mean i think what sucks for vanita is that she is consistently season after season really viewed as an afterthought by this entire cast which feels like you cannot overlook the fact that it feels a little problematic you know she's like she just like has a beef with a guy and they're like oh whatever whatever i like him or anytime she has a beef it's always kind of like okay whatever vanita whatever that's nice, that's nice.

And it's like, you know, I mean, part of it is like, you know, Vanita is more subdued. You know, she's not as much of a quote-unquote reality star who's not going to make as much of a scene.

So it's not all rooted in being problematic, but it's sometimes you just think to yourself, hmm, like, can you guys at least try to have Vanita's back once in a while, just once,

please?

Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

But I have Vanita's back mostly on the show. So I'm coming from a place place of having her back where this just seems to be too much.
I mean, you've got the Craig stuff going on.

I know Craig said that, but she was the one who said something publicly first. So this like whole awkward thing around Craig and being like, I'm not going to be around Craig.
I'm leaving.

I'm leaving this party. And if you don't leave with me, then you're not my friend.
Or like, you guys are having an after-party without me. Well, you were invited.
Like, you're part of the cast.

You just chose not to come. So I don't know.
I think that Vanita should just go to Craig and be like, hey, Craig,

I saw your thing that you hate me. So let's talk about it or whatever.
Because Craig usually folds pretty quickly. But I think it's within Vanita's right to try to have a storyline, you know?

And I think that she's like, I do.

I'm just commenting on the storyline. Yeah, you know, I'm not saying she doesn't have a right.
I'm just saying, like,

I think it's an uphill battle for her. It is going to be an uphill battle considering this cast.
And I do agree, it's not like the strongest feud of all time at all.

But I'm trying to even remember what I'm arguing about.

i'm trying to think of what it was that was like on my mind about this it's just that like um i just always feel like when she has an like if there's someone that she likes or whatever i don't know i just feel like the cast just does not care i just like they just don't care about her yeah and so i just like here she is she finally has a storyline and they're like oh vanita you know i'm not saying you're i'm saying they are like that yeah and because no yeah i agree at her back and we've always enjoyed vanita and we just want her to thrive but but this cast just she just doesn't.

She just keeps making the wrong choices. You know, it's like last year.
Okay, here's the year. Vanita, Vanita's comfortable.
She's going to finally make a splash. And then her storyline is JT.

She made a splash. I mean, she did.
And then she almost drowned and Craig had to save her.

I mean, she's. But see what I'm saying? Like, that's the thing that people remember about Vanita.
She almost drowned in a pool. Craig was the one to save her.
And now she's turned on Craig.

So like, from just like a political standpoint i'm like come on you're not playing this right right you know you're going against the wrong one just say just go up to craig and be like hey i saw the thing you said i wasn't saying i hate you it's just i like i like paige i was showing her support doesn't mean that i'm not your friend or whatever you know i just don't i mean could craig do it yes is craig like a giant toddler yes but then last year she was like doing the jt thing and then we found out at the reunion that even when he had a girlfriend she was trying to date him and then now she's this year saying that someone else doesn't have have girl code when she was trying to date someone else's boyfriend last year.

And I don't know. It's just like she's misfiring, you know, but she doesn't really help.

She didn't have a relationship with JT that that girl. I'm not saying that makes it any better, but here it's like her best friend.
And I think that she's kind of hurt by Craig.

I actually don't know if she has to go up to Craig. I think that

like she, yeah, she weighed in publicly, but everyone else weighs in publicly about everything on this show. And Craig, especially.
So like now someone weighs in about something.

And

I don't know. I just feel like, wow, like, I think Craig could have said, I'm really disappointed with that.
And, like, I feel hurt that she wouldn't have my back because I really enjoy Benita.

But instead, he's like, I'm never talking to her again. I was like, I think that, like, I don't know.
Well, Craig is a little bitch. Like, I'm not going to, I mean, Craig's a little bitch.
Like, duh.

Yeah. I mean, of course I think that.
I guess here's my point. We're rooting for this girl.
Okay. We want her to be in this cast.
And at every turn, she's making moves to take her away from the cast.

The JT thing was huge, a huge, bad move. Okay.

Then she just made it worse. By the end, she just made the whole thing worse.
Okay. So then you've got, okay, let's start over clean.
JT's not even here.

So then it's like, okay, let's see Vanita kind of

more with the cast this year. And then she's kind of coming for Craig.
Like her, her storyline is going anti-Craig, which is like, oh, did he start it? Sure.

But is this the best move for you to be ingratiated with the cast? No. Yes, I think so.
The reason why is that first episode, she's like, I have a beef with Craig.

Vanita, for the first time ever, has more of a central storyline. Like, should she have just gone into that back party? It was not a Craig party.
Absolutely. But instead, she leaves the party.

I was like, okay, you're doing the Bravo thing. Good.
You're like, I'm angry.

And I feel like she has the storyline for like one episode. And now it's like, and now it's shelved.
It's like, oh, whatever.

Vanita and craig what matters more is that sally kind of likes craig let's focus on that i'm like what let vanita have her story yeah that's true you know like that's true but i think it's vanita too because vanita's not playing her storyline out she's mad at craig but then she's running away every time craig's in the room and she's it's like you've got this perfect cast party in the very beginning of the season that's where all the fights happen so if you're gonna have that storyline you go into that party and you fight it out with craig in front of everybody and then you pull craig's allies from him like austin who's like a fair weather ally, but you pull Austin, you pull Shep, you get those guys on your side.

But instead, she doesn't talk to any of them, she just talks to the girls and just tries to keep the girls away from

the girls. If you're just not playing it right, is my point.

Ladies, is everyone trying to fix their health concerns with unproven gummies and tricks? Well, thank goodness, Lolbido has a real clinically proven treatment.

Lolbido can be so frustrating, but there is a treatment called Addy, ADDYI. Addy is the first and only FDA-approved pill proven to boost sexual desire in certain premenopausal women.
Isn't that great?

A clinically proven option for your low libido that comes from a doctor, not a gas station. Learn more at Addi.com and take charge of your sexual health with a treatment that's backed by science.

Remember, that's Addy, ADDYI.com.

Addy, or flavansarin, is for for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner.

The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or a medicine or other drug use.

Addy is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance.

Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addi dose.

Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addy at bedtime.

Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over-the-counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems.

Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addi, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addi.

Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur.

Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth.

See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning at Addi.com/slash PI or call 844-PinkPill. Addy! that's Addie.
A-D-D-YI.com.

Come to Mathis Home today and save during the holiday savings event. They have all the latest styles with hundreds of sofas starting at just $2.99.

Get your home ready for the holidays with the latest dining sets at the lowest prices ever. And we're the only place with top-name recliners starting at just $1.99.

Plus, the Mathis Home Gift Department is now open with something for everyone on your list at incredible savings.

For the best style, selection, and value, come to the holiday savings event at your furniture superstore. Mathis Home.

Here's the issue. Vanita is a normal, sane,

seemingly intelligent person. And so she's acting like that.
She's acting like a normal person, which is that you sort of say, okay, you shrug, and internally you say, okay, I see who you are.

I'm going to downgrade you as a friend. But

you're on a TV show, so what you need to be saying is, Sally, the fact that you talk to Craig and the fact that you do that, it really hurts me. And I'm not sure why

that you got to do the reality star thing.

exactly and like instead of sitting there on this on this beach chair and just be like hey this kind of bothers me be like this is fucked up and actually I'm not sure we could be friends anymore like you gotta like if you like if you're gonna play the feud card go do the whole thing do the whole thing so we can really be like team fanita you know and like you know we can rally the troops yeah but she's just actually being too like yeah that's all I'm saying like play these storylines better you know yeah

come on you can do it

So anyway, she's being very respectful here, and she's like, Yeah, exactly, be a terrible person. Okay,

that's what we're saying.

So, um, Vanita's like, well, look, I just, if our friendship is something you value, you value, you got to give me a little bit more respect because sometimes you choose Craig over me.

Sally's like, that would never happen. You have my word.
I would never choose a name over you. A penis? Yes.
It doesn't matter who it's attached to. Okay.

And she's just like, I don't know. I guess we'll see.
Well, maybe Vanita's doing a slow burn. You know, she's like saying, I'm going to give you a nice, a nice like check right now,

but that was strike one. And then we go right to strike three.
And that's what I'm hoping. Because Vanita, come on,

you got to build this feud up a little bit. Okay.

So we both agreed with that. And I think that's where we were both trying to get to.
So Madison now arrives. King Claw.

I only go to Alpha Claws. I would never go to any like Prince Claw, Beta, Beta Claw.

because the most alcohol

non-alcoholic she's like can i have a hanekin non-alcoholic and then austin comes in he's like

i say no alcoholics please

sorry i never would get normally such a beta beer but i'm pregnant so it is what it is

So she went last time you had crabs.

If you don't feel comfortable answering that, you don't have to.

Okay, well, first of all, let's talk about this party. He's like, yeah, let's talk about Saturday.
I had so much fun, and I got to talk to Audrey for a little while.

And, you know, poison your relationships. And that was really fun for me.

Poison your fake relationship. Have fun with that, stupid.

And we see the flashback of her being like, honestly, Sally's got the hot frosting. What do you think about that, eyebrows? And Audrey's like,

so then back to present, Madison's like, well, I mean, it's the truth. What was I going to do? Lie to her?

So,

yes. Yeah.

you literally would do that. So, Austin, uh, no, because she does know how to be realistic.
She knows how to be a reality star. She's just gonna go stir it up wherever she goes.

So, Austin's like, oh, I'm doing a bib for sure. Me too, because I'm sitting across from you.
Shit, I've had my bib on this whole entire time. I had my bib on before you came in from the parking lot.

Just a question for King Claude: Do you have some extras you can give Austin for after he leaves the restaurant? Maybe like a weekly supply he could have of bibs.

I think the bib should be kind of a permanent thing with Austin.

Hey, waitress could you bring me a lobster that'll spit as austin as spit at austin as much as austin spits at me while he talks what was madison thinking taking austin to uh you know a seafood boil place like that is the worst place for austin i mean well we've talked about i feel like every season they'll take austin to some restaurant

where he's gonna spray kernels of corn everywhere and uh like

this forecast they just need to have like a gallagher poncho on

i think that they do that with austin because it makes more sense for Austin to be in an environment like that. You know what I mean? Because at least the food's supposed to be messy.

At least when you leave with your face covered in crap,

you kind of expect it in a place like that. That's true.

So I'm doing a bid for sure. Yeah.
She's like, well, why'd you get it so tat? I'm going to face turning red.

He's like tied his bibs extremely tightly around his neck. All right, let's get back to Audrey.
He's like, okay, well, I asked Audrey. I said,

how's the long distance thing going? He's like, well, it's not long distance. Well, that's because you stay here.
She drives. Oh, yeah.

That's insane, right?

So we see a flashback to Audrey being like, well, it's been like 90, 10 of him coming to Charlotte versus me coming here. So, yeah, what's going on, Austin?

He's like, well, I just feel like when she's here, it's like so fucking good.

fucking easy, Madison. Like, I'm not going to lie, it's been easy.
But, but then I also have the other end of it, you know, like when she's gone, it's amazing.

it's like i'm like is this forever like am i supposed to have those thoughts about the person i'm going to spend the rest of my life with i'll tell you this right now the answer is no you're not supposed to feel that way after a year and a half if you're like hmm i don't know that's a that is a no

yeah

that's a no yeah sorry that guy listen we all know that until austin is

until the line of free pusse say that comes with fame starts trickling down to Austin, he's not going to settle down. Yeah.
I mean, he's just not going to.

He's getting what every guy on Bravo gets, which is a lot of girls being nice to him in bars and like willing to sleep with him at bars. And he's going to keep that as long as he can.

And so until that ends, he's going to have an Audrey of some kind or another.

Yep. It's absolutely right.
Waiting. Place holding.
So then Madison's like, yeah, no, you have to be able to say, I can't breathe without you.

I would literally die, which is what a lot of people say when they're in your presence, when you spit food right into their mouths, they joke.

And he's like, well, I'm 37 going on 38. So that answers Ronnie's question.
Fucking asshole. And I'm like,

what am I a guy who's going to get married? How can someone be so sure of such fucking forever long commitment?

Listen. Your time is valuable and hers as well.
So I wouldn't keep dragging it out.

And, you know, if you know it's not, if it's not the end game, then you might might find someone out there that actually takes your breath.

I think she meant to say takes your breath away, but I think she meant like takes your breath with all the succotash that's flying out amongst it.

It would actually be amazing if you had someone who took your breath or at least improved it. Good lord.

Truly, I've never identified with a song as much as take my breath away.

Take Austin's breath away, please.

Shoot, you know, it would be nice if you found someone to take your breath away instead of making me wish that someone would just take my breath every time I'm with you.

Inhaling is hard around you, it's hard. So we go over to Patricia's house, and she's like, Well, look at that, we've got some Pappy Van Winkles.
Just passes a table full of drinks. So she sits down.

She's like, Randy, are you in there, Randy? It's like, uh, you need to unlock this, man.

Damn it.

His crate opens.

So she's like, I have to FaceTime Whitney, but as you know, I don't know how to do it. Can you put one of these things?

So then we watch like a 10-minute scene of them trying to set up FaceTime that somehow has to do with their like opening up the Facebook application.

And I'm like, I don't know that Randy's the one to help. Because he asked for FaceTime and he's opening Facebook.
He's like, hold on. What's going on? You have the MySpace app on here, Miss Patricia.

I don't know what that is.

They have The iPad up and then it's like the phone. It's like, no, no.

I love watching her scroll through the iPad. She has the iPad up and she's going like this, you know, taking her finger and just like pushing it all the way up to the ceiling like a magic spell.

It's amazing. Emma like come back alive.

So

that was a mixture of PV Herman and Wicked together.

He's like, so we're going to go to your face, via your Facebook, see if you can log in. Do you know your password? Revolutionary War.

Corn Wallace.

Nope.

So then Hamilton didn't rap.

Nope.

The Monroe Doctrine. Nope.

So

he has to go upstairs to find her password. Oh, get her phone or whatever, because you can log in through your phone.
So he leaves and

he's like, oh, look, I found it on a tray of snacks.

Oh, well, that's handy. Wow.
Look at that. Oh, I'm sorry.
These are the snacks I left out for you. This is a cracker ditch and cyanide.
Go ahead, eat it. Wait, I'm not eating that.
Eat it.

Hey, Randy. You ever see one of these M ⁇ Ms? Well, of course, ma'am.
You ever see one hit your face?

Ow!

Nailed it. Right between the eyes.

So if you hit this, will it automatically call him? I don't know. You're asking me.
What's the point of you, Randy? Oh, never mind. I forgot.

Ow.

Sorry, that was the point of my fork.

Now, hold on right here. Now, just okay.
Just get a little closer.

Ow, ma'am, did you just throw a Kit Kat at my face? Sure did.

Thanks for the snacks.

so uh she calls whitney she's like hi honey where are you

i'm coming up on millcraft square mother

so you're you're still in london

yeah you're never gonna believe this mother

camilla decorated all of buckingham palace with crazy pillows

very funny which is my way of saying get better material

So Randy's like, well, before you let him go, ma'am, you want to show him the Chauncey thing that came in? And he hands her a little gravestone for Chauncey.

It's like, oh, I finally got a plaque for Chauncey. Oh, poor Chauncey.
We learn Chauncey has left this mortal plane. And so

she says that Chauncey got a neurological illness and then had breathing problems. And then she actually starts to choke up.
We've never seen Miss Patricia cry. And she's,

she's really, you know, she's really sad. And she's like, I miss Chauncey.
I just adored him.

And we see like, oh, you know, flashbacks of Chauncey throughout the years from a, when Chauncey was a little puppy. So Chauncey was only 10.
So definitely like very young. And,

oh, and, but I did like that when this sort of all ends, she goes,

she's saying that she's going to give them a burial and everything. And they're, and Whitney's like,

she wants to get like a bagpiper. And Whitney's Whitney's like I don't play amazing grace

yeah that's what I was thinking you're not being facetious are you well I was also thinking that they could just get Randy out there and have him get on a bagpipe but we'll fill the entire thing up with arsenic see what happens then

take Randy take Randy instead

So she's in the confessional again and she's crying and she's like, oh, God, I don't want to talk about it now if you ever ask me about my dead husband you'll never get the same response

um so now we go to craig driving his car and austin calls craig

i have some news craig i'm gonna be a cat dad i'm adopting a cat

craig's like oh my god austin that's the kiss of death what do you mean My last three ex-girlfriends got a cat before breaking up with me. I'm like, it's not a kiss of death.

It just means that you were so boring that they were like, I need to, I need something that's going to give me more emotional response. Yeah.

And Austin's getting a cat before he breaks up with Aubrey or Audrey because Austin, you know, he's going to lose that aw factor that he's got with Audrey right now.

Where people are like, oh my God, he has a girlfriend. Huh? So now he doesn't have a girlfriend, but it's going to be, I'm so broken up about my girlfriend.
Yeah, it's cats. They're going to go on.

And he can always pull out his phone and be like, look.

It already is working on me. And it's working on me already.
I was like, like, oh my God, I love that he got two cats because, you know, I'm a cat person.

But Craig's like, yeah, they broke up with me. He's like, are you serious right now? Yeah.
Wow. So then we

see, because then we're learning. Naomi got a new cat.
Then Natalie got a cat named Stormy. And then Paige got Daphne.

And

Craig's like, yeah, they're like, oh, cool. We're one happy family.
And then they're actually like, wait, this is a family of two.

I'm like, well, to be fair, there's just no way that Craig could compete with colonel gizmo or daphne i don't know about natalie's cat but especially colonel gizmo i mean colonel gizmo continues to be the best cat that was ever on bravo um although maybe baby let's never

between baby and colonel gizmo it's a hard one but colonel gizmo

baby

oh from real housewash of new york wasn't that a dog I think baby was a cat. Well, there was a few babies.
There was baby, baby, and baby. Carol's baby was a dog, I thought.

I thought Carol's baby was a cat. She just took a picture of the cat like a few days ago on herself.

Really? Yeah.

Baby.

Carol ran

so

well.

Baby.

She's had a golden doodle named Baby and two cats named Baby Belle and Baby Blue. So there you go.
We were both there.

That was her old thing. Baby, baby, and baby.

Anyway, the point is that Craig got pushed out for cats. Baby Mayor, baby,

and baby Son.

So Austin's like, oh my gosh, Craig, I mean, it's something that Audrey and I are not doing together, right?

But I really want a cat. So I want to enlist you to pick out a shift for my cat.

Well, I definitely have some tips to share with you. And so we see, you know, this big line of succession of cats that ended up leaving Craig over the years.
And then we go to not a pet smart, but a

Meyer Vogel gallery, which is some kind of like mom and pop cat store. You know, Charleston has done a great job of keeping mom and pop cat, you know, like stores in general.

Like you don't see a best buy. You don't see, you know, you need a battery there.
You go to like Mr., Mr. Winston's house of batteries or something.

You know, it's like a little, a real store, old store. It's like some old guy there in pinstripes.
Like, you want a battery? What kind is it? I hope it's not one of them rechargeables.

I feel like Meyer Vogel sounds like a distant cousin of mine. Did you go to Passover at Maya Vogel's house? No, of course not.
It's too far. It's in Valley Stream.
Ugh, the traffic. Terrible.

Maya Vogel. No one has better Gogel than Maya Vogel.

Did you see Rachel, his daughter? Yeah, she's doing well. She's got a child.
He's very smart.

Claims she doesn't need a man, though.

Who am I to judge?

So,

so, so by the way, maybe the reason why Craig, everyone leaves Craig after they get a cat is because Craig makes terrible cat recommendations.

They're like, I don't think I could be with a man who doesn't know how to care for this cat. But Craig's like, I love being a boyfriend and I love sharing my life with someone.

But six months later, I'm ready for a stranger in my bed.

So guess what? Charlie greets him there because Charlie works at the Maya Vogel Gallery.

Oh, I thought they were at the Meyer-Vogel cat store. I guess that comes later.
So this is the Meyer-Vogel cat, the Meyer-Vogel

gallery. Okay, that makes more sense.
Yes. Yes.
I feel like when I have a connection with someone, I really don't waste time.

And I have an inherent fear of rejection that probably developed when I got friend zone in high school. So like any cockiness I have is fake.
What is up with these? Is this the new fuckboy thing?

Because we've seen this on a few shows now where it's like, something happened to me in high school and now I just can't get over it.

I am a fuckboy for life because a woman broke my heart. I guarantee you broke the person's heart in high school.

That's the way the story usually goes, but they're going to act like they're the victims.

Yeah,

that's how you move on. You know, that's how you get a new one when she goes, oh,

I got dumped by Paige nationally. Aww.

So he's like, so how would you suggest picking out a piece? Like, should you absolutely love it or should you pick out something that you come to love one day? It's like, oh, God.

Are you talking about anything else here, Craig? No, Paige is like, I'd like to weigh in that I tried option B. It doesn't work out.
Okay, thanks very much.

Charlie's like, no, you should absolutely love it.

And she says, when she's first started working at the art gallery, I used to talk about it endlessly whenever I'd be drunk at a bar.

And then the guys would like show up the next day at the bar, at the gallery and be like, oh, it just happened to be stopping by. And I was like,

this is crazy.

And just, I like it. She's like, I used to talk about it.
And listen, when I get drunk, flashback to last week. Oh, my God, guys, I work at a gallery.

Well, if I see something I love, we'll get it no matter what. So, like, that piece would fit there.
She's like, oh, yeah, that drawing or that painting of a gas can. Yeah, sorry.
I already sold that.

So it can't have that.

You know, honestly, the me, Sally, and craig situation gives me the ick of all of it i'm not interested in him at all which is a lie she still is and he's like he's like can you outbid people on this artwork she's like no it's sold you can't outbid people craig trying to throw his money around

But like, I really like Craig. So him coming into the gallery, even if he does have those other motives, like, it's not my job to decipher his motives.
So he says he's interested in art.

So I'm going to show him art and hopefully buy some because I get a commission.

So do you want any watercolors or like oils? Well, realistically. Do you have any finger paintings?

I'm really into that. I really want a picture of a tiger or a penguin or a polar bear, but like a watercolor polar bear.
So you want a white canvas? Yeah.

When he said tiger penguin, I was like, please don't say crocodile next because he's just going through polo shirt logos.

I love a polar bear. A polar bear watercolor.
It's just a blank canvas.

It's like, so you want a watercolor of a tiger? I'm so confused. A tiger or a polar bear? And he's like, do you have those? No, we do not have those.
Do you have a polar tiger? Those don't even exist.

But like, it's art, so you can make it. No.
What about a snow tiger? Well, that does exist. But is that the same as a polar bear? Why are you asking me these questions? I work at an art gallery.

And then they custom going, I definitely play the long game.

The only way I've ever had a long-term girlfriend is like foundationally, we've been friends first.

And then we just like keep smiling at each other until like eventually she's like, well, I guess this is the best I'm going to do. Then she comes home with me.

No, you have a girlfriend because you're so charming and so cute and you can get any girl you want. And then your real personality comes out after about two weeks and then it all goes downhill.

We've seen it.

I've seen this for 12 years, 11 years so then craig in his pursuit of the polar bear slash tiger slash penguin painting sees some sculptures that look like water balloons and he's like i just want to touch them can i touch it just grabs these little sculptures just like

yeah just just be careful okay oh how dare you just kidding but actually kind of like don't touch it that is art he's like whatever

And she says, well, I'm not saying that I like Craig, but I do like flirting with Craig. So.

So now they're looking at floral paintings and he's like, wow, this would be so cool if it was like a panther.

Or what do they call a panther that's white? Is this a joke?

A polar bear. I still don't know if this is a joke.
Are you just informing me on something?

Both.

Oh, gosh. So he's like, so do I have to just wait for these artists to die before it gets valuable? When's this artist going to die? It's like Seinfeld.

And she's like, no, I mean, yeah, I mean, after she does, that'll get better. But, like, well, I mean, I don't want her to die, but you know her age and health condition.

And do you know if she lives anywhere near polar bears? And if they'll attack her, and if she'll make a painting about the polar bear before she dies, will the polar bear take it?

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

See you over there, suckers.

Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.
It's the Foster and the Furious.

It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.
Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.
We never miss her call. It's Diane Call.

Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big Yay, it's Emily Gaultier.
Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis. Hava Nagila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.
Jamie, she has no less namie. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.
Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. K Syrah, Sera, whatever we'll be, will Lauren Sillsby.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a Daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.
Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.
I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
Yes, we canna. It's Savannah.
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors.

Make way for AJ Lopez. She's V V IP.
It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Put us on a stretcher.
It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the cork master the master of the cork jennifer corcoran we got our wish it's jen plish my favorite murdo karen mcmurdo she's a total knockout it's katie manoch in the study with a candlestick it's leslie peacock g it's lisa h we're ride or die for lisa rider baron she's a whiz it's liz sarthy always killing it it's lola alkalani the incredible edible matthew sisters she eases our woes it's melissa st.

Rose there's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska.
She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.
We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Tele of Sun.

Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop.
It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlain.
You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons. She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wonderry app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry dot com slash survey.