#3101 Southern Charm S11E03 Part 1: Lost Boy Lit

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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins? I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.
Hi,

how are you?

Happy birthday, my little Ben Tamooney.

Well, thank you so much. Ben has just turned 32 today.
Happy birthday, Ben.

It's official. I'm in my 30s.

Thanks, Ronnie. Thank you so much.
What are you doing today's special for your day? Well, first of all, I'm basking in all the love that people are giving me.

on all platforms and mediums. I appreciate it.
All the loves and all the love and the loves.

I already did my first big check mark, which is, of course, today is bagel Thursday. So I took myself to my favorite bagel shop in Los Angeles, which is Hanks over in Toluca Lake.

I went into the valley for my bagel this morning.

And so

it's got some things going for us over there. Yeah.
Got Hanks. Yeah, Hanks.
Hanks and Bagel Boss. They are neck and necks.

And home goods. I mean, there's a lot of great stuff in the valley, including you, Ronnie, although you're in Texas.
You're in a different valley right now.

So I did that. I'm in a podcast with you.
I'm in the Valley of the Damned.

And then tonight I'm going to go see Allison Roman doing her book tour for her new cookbook. So it's kind of like a very Ben Day.
It's also National Cookie Day.

I did not know that this fell on my birthday. How did I get to all 32 years of my life without knowing that today was National Cookie Day? So I'm very excited about that.

I will find, I will source a cookie. later today.

So yeah, clearly a very exciting day. Actually, I would say it's kind of like a perfect Ben day.
I'm not going to lie. Like, between bagels and Allison Roman and you, you know, it's great.

The only thing that's missing is Dom. Dom's in Chicago teaching.
So, but, you know, that's a huge. Aw, boo.

Well, cheat. Today is the day you cheat.
You know, it's your birthday. You can't get in trouble.

Today is the day you bang someone at the Allison Roman show. I know.

And I, you know, I had a great time last night. I went to the Spotify rapt party here in Hollywood with Courtney from Two Judgy Girls, who we love, and Diallo from One Song.

So go check out their podcast.

I did have a Bravo Lebrady encounter, but I'm going to talk about that on our Beverly Hills recap. Not going to talk about it.
Oh, God. I got to wait all the way till the end of the day.

That's a teaser, everyone.

I've actually already actively overhyped it, but it wouldn't be a birthday for me without overhyping something, right?

But

anyway, the point is

it's been a fun 12 hours. Well, good, baby.
Glad you're having fun. Glad you were born.
Thanks, Carolyn. Yeah.
Popping him out. And then Larry takes two, you know.
Yeah. Well, she did the work.

She did not. Not really.
She really did the work.

She did the work. No, yeah.
Thank you too, Larry, for whatever you did. So, um,

everyone, welcome to the show. Wait, I want to thank you, Ronnie, because you put up a very funny and lovely mess thing on social media where you, where you put me in an Einegarten outfit.
And I'm,

I assume, well, you know, that's some Caitlin. Oh, it was Caitlin who did that.
Well, either way, the spirit of you. I just laughed.
Oh, oh, I thought you totally did that.

But that was like, that was the greatest honor of all was to be seen in the Queen Ina Gardens, you know, Bob and Blue shirts.

A little barefoot Ben Tessa. Yes.

So the best thing you can do for Ben for his birthday, go follow him on Instagram, everybody. You know it.
And get some sub stack going on.

Go to the linked bio and get to his sub stack.

Stats are the best gift a girl could ask for.

So last week was Thanksgiving, so we missed Southern Charm. Yes.

We missed. And

so much happened.

Did you watch it? Of course. Of course I watched it.

I'm actually so glad that we skipped it because if we had to recap that chaotic beach scene, that would have driven us both crazy because there was...

All the characters were on the beach throwing around a football and everything was crossing back and forth. It was so much.
We would have been a nightmare.

So I'm really actually so glad we did not have to do that.

But I think for me, the biggest thing was that we met the new cast member, Charlie, who is our latest Twit on the Twit Express. And,

you know, talk about a birthday gift is to have a new vapid idiot on Bravo. I'm so excited.
I'm ready for it.

How dare you? She's a debutante. You're right.
She's a debutante. How dare you? She was so bratty.

Last week.

Do you think she was really Bratty? Why do you think she was Bratty? What'd she do?

Well, okay,

I'm coming in really hot for her. I actually am not even that impassioned about her.
It's like, wow, what'd Charlie do? I don't know.

I mean, I look at Charlie kind of as like a coaster. She's just somewhere you set your drink for a couple of seasons, like most of the people that they bring on this show.

Most of the ladies that they bring on this show. Because the ladies are just the bait.
You know, the show is about the old singing bass on the wall, which are the men. True.

And the lady are just the ladies are just the bait. They use them up, they abuse them, and then they leave them.
And then we get a new crop of dummies.

Although it is starting to look like a Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, story

in the tabloids. I mean, they're just getting younger and younger.
And those boys are not. They are not.
Austin said last night, yeah, I'm 34. I was like, 34?

And I thought.

Or whatever. I think he said he was 34 or 36, something like that.
And I was like, in what world? Do they just not sell moisturizer over there? Okay, so go ahead. No, I actually don't hate her at all.

Charlie. I don't hate her as much of Charlie.
I don't think it really sounds like I do. I really just came in hot because I'm just, you know, I'm fueled on a bagel and a coffee, guys.

Bagel meets coffee.

I just feel like last week. Gorgeous friends.
She just like had all the, the camera kept on catching her. She'd be like around the boys, she'd be like smiling.

And then like around the girls, they just, the camera would catch her just like sneering. Like,

I was like, oh, gosh, this one, you know? I think it's just that she has a praying mantis face kind of in a, in a good way. Like in a pretty way.
She's very pretty, but she's got,

there's something like praying mantis about her. And I'm hoping that it goes into her personality.
Like, I'm hoping she's more of a predator than we're seeing so far. Yeah.

I did notice around the, around us.

the audience, she talks like this. She's got kind of like, oh, hi, I'm Charlie.
I'm like a debutante. And I'm like, I'm really into being Charlie.
I love being me.

And then when she's around the board, it's like, oh, my God. Hi.
Like, so good to meet you.

I noticed that. But otherwise, I mean, she's very gorgeous.
You know, she's a gorgeous girl. I don't really know much about her.
I'm automatically not disliking her. I'm just protective of her because

she's on Southern Charm. So I just want to show up there in my auntie van and just have it idling down the corner so that they could jump in.
I mean, Shep's neck looks like turkey skin.

And I did just see a turkey get cooked last week. So I think that's why I'm thinking.
But I just want them to be protected, you know? Yeah. Because these men are the worst, including Craig.

You've got Craig off the wagon now. So I don't know that Craig was ever on the wagon, let's be honest, but at least he was pretending to need to be on a wagon.

I guess whatever his storyline was last year when he's like, I'm an alcoholic. Well, he was drunk.

You can't talk to me like I'm an alcoholic. And then, I think, drank the whole season.
Anyway,

he definitely like, like, grabbed onto two ropes hanging off the back of the wagon and put some like rollerblades on and let the wagon tow him for a little bit. So he's like, I'm on the wagon, dude.

But it's like, yeah,

I don't know. You're moving along with the wagon and you're attached to it, but I don't know if you're actually on it.

And listen, I'm not a huge wagon seller. I believe that people should be able to be off the wagon if they want to.
I don't feel like there's any real guilt there.

I mean, if you're ruining your life and stuff, you have your own self-guilt. You don't need mine.
But

I'm not like a huge, get on the wagon, everybody. Come.
I've got

a wagon sale going on. I'm not like that.
But I do have a pet peeve with people who performatively talk about wagons or

use it to get out of the way.

Yeah. Or to win a fight.
Yes, which is what he was doing. Like using it to

gain some sympathy and stuff like that when you're not even putting in the work because it's hard work.

So I would only say I only support using being on the wagon to get out of a fight if you do it in a very melodramatic, campy way. Like, how dare you say that? I'm on the wagon.

You know, but if you're doing it the way Craig was doing it, it's not campy. It's just like, oh, you're just lying again.

Also, how drunk was that person who fell off the wagon the first time?

Because, you know, like it had to have come from, I'm assuming the expression came from some situation where people were on a wagon together and then someone was so drunk that they fell off of it.

And like, oh, look, drunk again, fell off the wagon. They were so drunk.
There goes Marge falling off the wagon. The old organ trail, it happens.
Yeah. Like this, something significant happened.

But I have to say, so they're setting up, what we missed last week is that we're setting up some sort of like, it's not a love triangle, it's not not a love rhombus.

It's just sort of like a love, you know,

amoeba, where essentially the whole thing is that Sally now likes Craig, but then she also likes Austin.

And the thing is, Austin is with Aubrey. And so she sort of wants all the guys, but she really likes Craig, even though it's a violation of girl code with Vanita.

And so then she went and told new girl Charlie, but now Charlie seems like she likes Craig and Craig seems to like Charlie and Sally's left out. So there's this whole thing.

And it all came to a head when

Craig wanted to spend more time frolicking in the waves with Charlie. And then there was a football incident where it turns out that Sally is really good at throwing a football better than I can.

I'll tell you that much.

But Aubrey can't. You know why, right? Why? Because she's not just one of the girls.
She's like one of the guys.

But Aubrey can't throw a football very well, which is like kind of like damning evidence in the world of Southern Charm that Austin and Sally should be together and that he secretly loves Sally because she's better at throwing a football.

Yeah, it was, it was, it was pretty mature, the whole storyline, you know, basing your, basing your conquests on how well they throw a football.

But Austin, we found out, can't surf or anything either. So he's kind of sucks at all that stuff too.
So does he kind of belong with Charlie?

Going by this logic. Well, also,

we had like our first scene of Aubrey

being cast in the Jamie Gertz role because in the past, like,

because you know, I always say I'm the Jamie Gertz, where I'm like the, I'm like the, the, the city girl in Twister who is like uncomfortable with everything, but is trying to like, is trying to get along to get along and then gets left for Helen Hunt or something.

So I think that like she is

last season, Aubrey was just like the nice girl from Charlotte who came around, who were like, oh, no, run. But this year, she's like angry.
She's like, meh, I'm angry. Well, that's how they're cast.

I don't think she's angry. And if she is, it's justified.
But they're casting her as like this sullen sour puss who comes down to Charleston and is unhappy about it.

And so she's definitely like in this Jamie Gertz, like outsider role that Austin's going to leave for Charlie.

Yeah, they're kind of trying to get people to ruin, to root against Aubrey because she doesn't like traffic, which is really weird.

Like they had that whole like, well, Austin, the traffic really sucks. Like it sucks being in traffic.
And I really hate traffic and

traffic, traffic, traffic. And then they just cut it all together as this one long, poor Austin has to listen to this girl talk about traffic.
Yes, because he never goes to see her.

She always has to come see him because he does not give a shit about this girl. This girl is reputation defense.
Okay. We all know it.
Austin had a rough season that Olivia season.

So he got, he did the best thing he could. He got some girl who was out of town so he could cheat on her all the the time, do whatever the fuck he wanted and have nobody to call him on it.

And then he he could just have, you know, the convenient every one weekend, every month kind of a relationship where she comes to see him. Everybody knows it.

And this poor girl is the only person that does not know it. It's so sad.

Girl, if you're, if you're the one, if it's 90% of the time you're coming down to South Carolina, or I should, yeah, to Charleston, if you're doing that 90% of the time for a guy who's going to go on TV and be like, I don't know, is he the one?

I don't know. I don't know.
It's like, he doesn't even know if he really likes you. And he's saying that on TV and you're still making that drive.
Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
I'm Team Aubrey.

He's like, I love when she's here, but I love when she's gone. Like, that's

not good.

Also, the fact that people are fighting over the men on the show will never stop making me laugh. It just cracks me up.
Like, you've got people

actually

poised to fight over Austin, who's just like,

like, come on now.

I just don't, I just don't buy it. This show is so unrealistic.
But we do have a new guy. But, yeah, so

we have a new guy. Oh, we met the new guy, Witner.
Whitner. Just take the wit.
Just take the

white guy. He's a white guy.
Just keep the wit and the E.

That's pretty much what we're getting from him. He's, um, he's pretty cute, I guess.
I think he actually is really cute. I actually really like him so far, which means he'll wind up being terrible.

That's the way it goes. I'm always bamboozled.

Whitner, what a name. Whitner.
It's like he's like, it's like someone wanted to name him Whitney and then found out there already was a Whitney on the cast.

So they sort of like had a doubt at the end. It's like, we're going to name a Whitney.

No, I think they wanted to just take out the N. I think he was born without the N in his name and his name was just wider.
His family was just, you know what?

We've got the best son. He's wider than your son.

And someone was like, that's offensive. Like some nurse added in an N in the birth certificate.
Yeah. They're like, let's just fix this.

okay yeah he um he's cute his mustache needs either grooming or shaving i would like to see him without the mustache because i think he would be cuter we do see him without mustache i think in some shots uh coming up the season i think it was in the trailer i like him with the mustache i think he's got a he seems and he's a lawyer he's an actual lawyer not a craig lawyer which i feel like is i feel like that's notable you know, on a show of people who don't do anything.

He actually has an advanced degree and a job so that means he's only gonna be a one season wonder let's also not forget

he has a he actually reports and has obligations and responsibilities so um yeah he's not gonna last long here

maybe but this show likes to keep duds i mean this show will give a dud a chance that's true i think so you never know so last week the plot was introducing new people and reminding us that this show is like about like love and dating

um and basically, this is the whorehouse of Bravo. They basically hire girls to bang the guys.

It's always been this way since the very beginning when they were passing around Catherine like a Thanksgiving, you know,

turkey leg or whatever. And it continues to this day.
And so we meet the new crop of dum-dums and we already knew Sally. Sally is just, you were wondering if it's like a love rhombus or whatever.

It's a love petri dish with Sally because Sally just wants everybody. She doesn't care.

She's just like, I'm gonna get in the goo with everybody whatever sticks and listen as my mima said a friend to everybody is a friend to no one in this case a girlfriend to everybody is a girlfriend to no one yeah listen they all want they all want you they want to everybody but they want you to only want to them you should know that about guys by now you know yeah uh sally's like uh you know i really liked sally last season but for this season i'm not i'm not loving her I have to say, I'm not, I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe it's, maybe it's because she's getting, maybe it's it's her edit and I'm just falling for the edit.

But it's just like, I feel like some of the magic is gone with Sally this season.

Whatever magic there was. I think Sally has auditioned very, very hard to get on this show.

You know, we saw her on Southern Hospitality, you know, hooking up with two of those guys at the same time, trying to get on that show. That ended up backfiring and she.

was no longer welcome on that show. And then she somehow made it onto this show and she's kind of playing the same game on this show.
And I mean, learn your lesson, you know?

and that's more of a, it's not like a slut-shaming thing.

I think we should fuck everybody that we want, you know, but it's more of like a learn how to play your game kind of a thing because that's not how these guys, that's not how you're going to stay on the show.

It's like she'd be, she went from being like a sexual, self-possessed person to being a little bit more of a pick-me this season. And I'm like,

um, also, I will say I am enjoying, I continue to enjoy the strange, like, almost unnecessary presence of molly like she just is like there doing weird things you know like she's a little bit in the story this this episode because she was annoyed at molly and told i think well we'll get to it in the notes because i just i can't remember from last night but she like what because molly was talking sally molly was molly was talking sally to someone i think to vanita And so now there's like a little bit of tension, but Molly just sort of like shows up and has a snake, plays a tuba, dresses like a wizard.

Dresses as Gamma. It's just like, she doesn't really make any sense.
But I'm actually, I'm like, I actually need that. Like, I need that for this show.
I need someone who is just sort of like,

like, existing in the same space as this show, but Nick makes no sense within it. I'm like, please, just more Molly.

Yeah, it bothered me that Molly skipped her recital to hang out with that loser, Corey Kiefer. Corey Kweefer.
What a lose. What a trash bag.
So I didn't love that, but she redeemed herself.

She redeemed herself today for sure.

I didn't love that she skipped her recital either, but I did love that then she went in a downward spiral and cried about it at the party that where she was actively skipping. That was funny.

And then had to call and like beg for her spot in the orchestra back. And I'm glad that she moved on from Corey.
She was like, and he doesn't even know what a euphonium is.

And yeah, Corey did something last week. I don't know.
It was the typical Corey thing, but he was definitely

his tongue was out.

He was very, yeah.

Yeah, what girl you're gonna talk to.

Yeah, he's still gross. So I think that was pretty much last week.
They had a party and now we're now, I guess, Venita and Rodrigo are the decorators.

Has that always been the case or is that a new thing? I always thought

that's a new thing. I always thought Rodrigo did like

something more corporate.

I never really remember what Rodrigo did, but like they, they, I mean, Venita's always been a lifestyle influencer or whatever, but Rodrigo says he's a professional interior designer, but I don't know if he was just being facetious, he was just making a joke, or if he, um, that is his chosen occupation.

One of the many mysteries of this show, so many layers that happen in Southern Charm.

Yeah, there are so many layers. So it seemed that that was pretty much all that happened last week.
I don't know.

Here's my face last week while I watched a show.

For those who do not have great

scrunched.

It was pinched. It betrayed all my Botox, which, by the way, is still not working.
Look what I can still do. This is fresh Botox.

So

yeah, it was okay. It's time for a commercial.
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So then this week we start off with this week is 11.03. It's called a novel approach.

Beach party house. So this is the day after the beach party and there, it's a, it's a shit.
It's a shitstide. I mean, there's, there's stuff everywhere, empty jello shots,

stuff all over the house. And Sally's like, oh my God, this house is disgusting.
What the frick?

And then we see flashbacks. 1.27 a.m.
Someone's putting whipped cream into Sally's mouth. 1.53 a.m.
Whitney, the fireman, carries Craig. Whitney fireman carries Craig.

Meaning like he puts Craig over his shoulder and carries Craig somewhere, which is very interesting. Is that Whitner or Whitney?

It must have been Whitner because I can't imagine Whitney ever lifting anything.

Yeah, Whitney is not lifting something. Whitney is not picking up Craig.
He's like, oh, mother. Like Patricia might, but I'm too rich for this.
I'm too rich. I don't carry poor people.

So then Molly and Rod at two in the morning, Molly and Rodrigo are playing Flip Cup and everyone's cheering. It's all fun.
And Sally goes, ew, what is that?

Because she sees some half-eaten food on a plate.

And then it's 2.38 and Vanita falls down the stairs because Vanita, like, Vanita just can't go very far without falling down something or falling into something.

Because Vanita just cannot win this show. No.
Okay. She just can't win.
Nothing she does. Vanita is just never going to win this show.

You know, people

air humping and dancing, doing keg stands. So Sally has to clean.
And now it's Austin's house and his alarm goes off and he's in bed with Audrey. Is I call her Aubrey.

I'm sorry, everyone. You're right.
It's Audrey.

Yeah, it's Audrey. I've called her Aubrey like 10 million times.
Yeah. Little shop of horrors.
Just think of it that way. Except, I don't know.
It's kind of a boring. Never marry you.

Don't think of it that way.

I know. We are Team Audrey, but we're not that much of a Team Audrey.

Mr. Mushnik, yes, doctor.

So she gets out of bed. Is he pretending to be asleep when she gets out of bed? And then she leaves and he

implied.

That's what they implied.

And then Charlie's apartment.

She FaceTimes her mom, Denise. Love her mom.
Oh, wait. Sorry.
What?

Pause. I'm so sorry.
One thing we forgot last week is that messy ass Madison sat down with Audrey at this beach thing. And she was like, oh, by the way, I think that

Sally wants to bang Austin. Yes.

And so she caused that, which caused Audrey's eyebrows to just go crazy. Those poor things.
They were like... two big pens just like pointing at it pointing up at each other.

And she was like, well, and she at first acted all unbothered, but she was not all unbothered. And she tried to have a talk with Austin.

And she's like, you know, I mean, I just feel like it's so weird because like I'm always driving here, like you make no effort.

And he's like, well, but it's because like, I don't know, but when you're here, it's like great

because it's easy. And she's like, okay, but he's basically like, it's more fun here than it is up there.
Right. Because I think it's like my, it's easier when you come to me.

Why would I want to go to you? I don't even like you. I think that's colder.
You're like dating a bookmark.

i think specifically what happened was that she was audrey was talking to madison and was like wow it looks like sally really likes craig and matt's like no i think that she likes austin and

just drops because and then there's this clip that they played now like 15 times since then of

Sally talking amongst a group of people being like,

Austin. Whoa, I love Austin.
The moment that he breaks up with Audrey, I'm going to ride on in there. It's like she makes this whole big announcement.

So she made it pretty clear she's actually very much into Austin, but also into Craig, but denying that she's into Craig. Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. So sorry, go ahead.
Charlie's apartment. So Charlie's apartment.

So her mom, Denise, calls, who's very southern, and she's like, So either you had a busy weekend or you just could not talk to your mother.

I mean, I mean, maybe if you had won your pageant, maybe there'd be a reason why you couldn't call me because you'd be so busy. But you're, you lost that.

So why no phone call for your sweet mother who raised you?

So, let me guess: you either had a terrible weekend you couldn't call your mother, or you had a great weekend, you couldn't call your mother.

Here's the common denominator: didn't call your mother, didn't call your mother, and here I am dressed like a Mormon coming over the Oregon Trail

in a wagon that your daddy fell off of the second he saw another drop of wine.

Well, mother, why do the moms dress like this on this show?

She was dressing, she was in a full like frock, like very white frock that had that clown collar thing around it why do they dress like that on here like kind of like elder mormons it's weird i don't i don't know i always think it's just so strange and like

yeah i don't i don't know like she can only be a few years older than us only a few but like why are you dressing like like you're like truly like you're in like a like like one of those like bush gardens colonial simulations yes Why are you doing that?

It's like colonial straitjacket.

Yes, it is like that.

You know the

things they wear on their heads in those times? Like the late, like the nightcaps that they wear, the bonnets,

the ladies wear in old stories from that time. It's the dress is like that.
It's just a weird look. I don't get it.
And I've noticed it in a lot of moms on this show.

So anyway, Charlie's like, what up, mom? It was a good weekend. I had so much fun.
Like, obviously I talked to you about the singles party beforehand.

And her mom goes oh yeah i saw your outfit now were you pleasant oh god here we go

you're a woman better make yourself nice and pleasant and pliable for the men folk so charlie's like my mom is my best friend i'm so close to my family because we're all in close proximity to each other so i'm like literally close to them you know look here's a picture of us and matching pajamas yeah because i was born and raised in greenwood south carolina in the middle of nowhere like this is how you would know my town is too small because my dad would sit me down and be like charlie one of my friends saw you saw you were talking on the phone driving while talking on on the cell phone are you texting and driving charlie because that's how you know your town is too small

god i'm so old i got caught because my parents friend saw me driving down the road reading a newspaper in the car

i was reading a newspaper while I was driving and I totally got called out for that. That's how old I am.
Okay. We didn't have texting.
I'd love it. So that's what I was doing.

I was reading the paper. I love your legacy media story.

Isn't that funny? And it was on a horse. I was on a horse.
So it was a wagon, actually. It was the wagon.

So she talks about how she played football. The mom's like, you played football.
You are a lady.

And Charlie's like, I can prove it because look at these bruises, mom. I got one on my leg and I got another one on my knee.
We don't see the bruises. No.

I don't think there are bruises, but she's pointing to her legs anyway. And her mom's like, well, obviously you didn't play very well.
That ain't how you was raised. Okay.

She's like, um,

okay.

And then she goes, you were pleasant. You were very pleasant, right? She's like, I was so pleasant.
It's actually crazy how pleasant I was. She goes, and were you interesting?

And I mean, by that, did you ask that man about himself? Did you ask him about what he likes and his pleasures? What does he like when he comes home from work at the end of a long day?

And love to talk about that. Oh my God, was oh my God, were you interesting?

She's like, well,

are you saying I'm not interesting? She goes, well, you know, I guess you can be at times. No, you're not very interesting, Charlie.

Oh, my God. That's just,

I feel like. Just saying interesting is so coded that I just love the passive aggression of saying that.

And then the mom actually saying like, you're actually not very interesting is kind of amazing too. So savage.
Yeah.

So Charlie tells us, I had a very southern upbringing. Like my mom put me and my little sister in a pageant just to see if we'd like it.
And we freaking loved it. Oh, shocker.
Shocker.

She's a beauty queen. Well, we knew this last week, I guess.
She loved being on that stage. I'm not kidding.
I was like mistracked or something. I have to find a picture.
I had a crown.

There was like a tiara. There was a tractor on it.
And I was like,

what is, oh, Cotillion, she did. She did Cotillion.
She was a debutante. She goes, of course, I was a debutante.
Of course. And I was actually little Miss South Carolina overall queen.

And then I did Miss South Carolina USA and I lost.

And we see this. We also find out last week.
Oh, God. Yeah, I was about to say last week, Craig was a judge in that, in that passion.

He's like, yeah, I actually voted for her to win, but like other people didn't vote. And then like she didn't go on.

But I feel like had she like gone on, because the person who won actually like went on to like Miss USA and then she like lost.

But I feel like if she had like people listened to me, she would have gone to Miss USA and she probably would have won. It's like, okay, Craig, sure, take credit.

Like there's no way to verify, Craig did not vote for her to win. I'm going to tell you that right now.

Yeah, there's no way to verify. That's for sure.
And she doesn't believe it anyway.

So then

Denise is the mom is saying, so, well, that's good. Y'all can talk things through because we're talking, she mentions that Sally got all pissed off at her because she was talking to Craig.

And she's like, well, were you talking to him a lot? And she's like, well, I mean, I don't feel like I was talking to him any more than I was talking to anyone else.

And then we see another flashback where Sally's like, I mean, if you're into him, you can go for it. Just let me know.
I mean, just, I mean, if you're into him, just go ahead.

Steal him from me if you're going to.

And she, and Charlie tells us, yeah, I mean, me flirting with Craig at Sally's party, it's not me going for it.

It's just me flirting and maybe distracting him from someone he might want to go for just for funsies. That's it.

Well, it's good that you can talk things through with Sally. Loose, loose, Sally.
Well, and Charlie's like, yeah, I mean, you know, I wasn't going for it or anything.

She goes, okay, well, let me know how things are going so I can give you some motherly advice. Now, be pleasant, smile.
Don't forget to ask men about themselves. Okay, love you.

So now Vanita goes to Sally's house and

they say hi and everything and there's dogs and all that fun stuff. And Sally's like, watch out.
He's going to pee on you. He's going to pee on you.
Yeah.

Which you could really say about any of the guys on the show, not just her dog. But, no.

So they're going to go sit outside together. So they get in their bathing suits.

And Vanita's like, yeah. Oh, by the way, had lunch with Molly.
Not a big fan of yours, I don't think.

Smooth. Yeah, real smooth.
So we see a clip of Molly and Vanita having lunch and Molly saying, Yeah, I got very drunk at the baby shower.

So it kind of pissed me off that Sally was like, Oh my God, Molly is like to Madison. You know what I mean? Like, what the hell?

And then we see a flashback of Molly with Madison and Molly saying, Well, I wanted to apologize for how I acted at the baby shower. And her saying, Well, Sally brought it to my attention.

Dot, dot, dot.

Yeah. So Molly's like, okay, noted now we're back in the Vanita flashback.
We went through inception. We went to Vanita, Molly, and then there's a flashback within that.
And now we're back.

We're back down the first layer of flashback. And Molly's like, I mean, noted, I can't trust you.

But yeah, until she really pissed me off the other day, I was like, you know, I'm not going to repeat all the things I say because I'm not a shitty friend.

But Sally can't call dibs on every single man in Charleston. So that's her issue is that Sally's calling dibs.

Okay, so wait, why can't she trust her? So, because what happened at the baby shower? What didn't I get?

Um, I guess Molly was saying that, I guess, did maybe Sally tell Madison that Molly was like wasted or something?

I don't really know. Oh, I guess.
Okay, yeah, I couldn't remember. That was a really exciting episode, you guys.
I can't believe, I can't believe I don't remember it. This is a very low effort.

Oh, I think I would have to say it's low effort. I do agree with what Molly is saying about Sally.
Like, you can't just come claim Dibs. We've all had that friend who just walks in.

They're like, mine, mine, mine. And if you go for them, you have bad girl code or bad boy code in my case.

It's like, no, you don't get to just pick everybody, you know, and always pick the hottest ones too. I mean, in this case, not necessarily.
So Sally's like, yeah, I'm just frustrated.

Or Molly is like, yeah, I'm just, no, Sally. I'm just, God, can we get a new name? You guys know that.
Can we change the names?

I'm just going to realize there's so many flashbacks that are happening within. Then we go to to another flashback.
So we're still in the flashback of Molly and Vanita at lunch.

Why do we not just see this scene? It'd be much easier for us.

We're at the Molly Vanita flashback and then we flash over to the Sally single party where Molly is like talking to Sally and says, what am I going to do while you're on a surfboard?

And then Sally goes, flirt with Craig, which I guess is

like.

Example of Molly. I don't know.
So this is like, we come back to the lunch and Molly again says, you can't call dibs on everyone. Craig is not yours.
Because I think Molly, does Molly like Craig?

I forgot. I think they said that at the beginning of the season.
Yes.

Well, Molly, I don't know. Molly, I think, look, on this show, you have to be dating one of the guys to stay on the show, right?

So I think everybody wants to be dating somebody, even if they don't really want to be dating any of these guys. They just kind of are like, well, where's my place?

But Molly's not as desperate about it as the other one is.

So Sally's like, well, I'm just a little bit frustrated frustrated with Molly for talking about shit to me, about shit, about me to you, because like she's blowing up my phone every fucking day.

And so I'm thinking we're besties. So, well, anyway, there's a lot of people that I think are hot.
And that's okay. I think that's okay.

Vinita's like, okay, but to clear the air, you aren't attracted to Craig. And she's like, well, I mean, I don't know.
Do I think he's hot? Yeah. Do I like being his hot tub until four in the morning?

Yeah. So yes, you're attracted to him.
You are attracted to him. Vinita's like,

yeah, I don't do the best job of letting people know the things they're doing that are making me unhappy. So Sally's like, it's not that deep, if that makes any sense.

I mean, I'm talking about the hot tub. It's just like, what, like three feet deep? It's not that bad.
So Vanita's like, okay, like, don't bring up my drowning again.

Also, I wish there was a world where Sally could just open up those big ass blue eyes she's got and be like, oh, right.

I shouldn't be doing this because my best friend is mad at the person I'm trying to hand hang out with right now. Vanita's like, I'm trying to have a feud.
Okay. Okay.

it's i'm i'm i'm doing this this is like my fourth season on the show i'm trying to have a storyline you're kind of not letting me have my storyline right now

Yeah, I think this is just a stretch for Vanita, honestly. I think it's just, she's stretching right now with this.

First of all, someone can like the other cast members on the show just because you're having a fight with them. That's weird.
I mean, you were with JT last year and everybody hated him.

And as I recall, the only person who was really nice to you through all of that was Craig when everybody else was kind of against you.

Like, far be it from me to stand up for craig but i think this is just kind of a stretch for her this whole like i hate craig because i'm friends with paige it just seems

well it's too much because he's like one of the stars of the tv show so well no it wasn't that what are you gonna do he didn't hate craig because she's team page it's more like she said team page and craig said i'm never gonna talk to her ever again and she's like okay well him But I, I mean, I think what sucks for Vanita is that she is consistently, season after season, really viewed as an afterthought by this entire cast, which feels like you cannot overlook the fact that it feels a little problematic.

You know, she's like, she just like has a beef with a guy and they're like, oh, whatever, whatever. I like him.
Or anytime she has a beef, it's always kind of like, okay, whatever, Vanita, whatever.

That's nice. That's nice.
And it's like, you know, I mean, part of it is like, you know, Vanita is more subdued.

You know, she's not as much of a quote unquote reality star who's not going to make as much of a scene.

So it's not all rooted in in being problematic but it's sometimes you just think to yourself hmm like can you guys at least try to have vanita's back once in a while just once please

yeah yeah i can see that um but i i have vanita's back mostly on the show so i'm coming from a place of having her back where this just seems to be too much i mean you've got the craig stuff going on i know craig said that but she was the one who said something publicly first so this like whole awkward thing around Craig and being like, I'm not going to be around Craig.

I'm leaving. I'm leaving this party.
And if you don't leave with me, then you're not my friend. Or like, I, you guys are having an after-party without me.
Well, you were invited.

Like you're part of the cast. You just chose not to come.
So I don't know. I think that Vanita should just go to Craig and be like, hey, Craig,

I saw your thing that you hate me. So let's talk about it or whatever.
Cause Craig usually folds pretty quickly. But I think it's within Vanita's right to try to have a storyline, you know?

And I think that she's like, I do. But I'm just commenting on the storyline yeah you know i'm not saying she doesn't have a right i'm just saying like no but i'm like

the best one i think it's an uphill battle for her it is gonna be an uphill battle considering this cast and i do agree it's not like the strongest feud of all time at all um but i'm trying to even remember what i'm arguing about

i'm trying to think of what it was that was like on my mind about this it's just that like um

i just always feel like when she has and like if there's someone that she likes or whatever i don't know i just feel like the cast just does not care i just like they just don't care about her. Yeah.

And so I just like here she is. She finally has a storyline and they're like, oh, Vanita.
You know, I'm not saying you're. I'm saying they are like that.
Yeah. And because

I agree at her back and we've always enjoyed Vanita and we just want her to thrive.

But this cast just she just doesn't. She just keeps making the wrong choices.
You know, it's like last year. Okay, here's the year.

Vanita's comfortable. She's going to finally make a splash.
And then her storyline is JT. She made a splash.
I mean, she did. And then she almost drowned and Craig had to save her.

I mean,

but see what I'm saying? Like, that's the thing that people remember about Vanita. She almost drowned in a pool.
Craig was the one to save her. And now she's turned on Craig.

So like, from just like a political standpoint, I'm like, come on, you're not playing this right. Right.
You know, you're going against the wrong one.

Just say, just go up to Craig and be like, hey, I saw the thing you said. I wasn't saying I hate you.
It's just I like, I like Paige. I was showing her support.

Doesn't mean that I'm not your friend or whatever, you know? I just don't know. I mean, could Craig do it? Yes.
Is Craig like a giant toddler? Yes. But then last year, she was like doing the JT thing.

And then we found out at the reunion that even when he had a girlfriend, she was trying to date him.

And then now she's this year saying that someone else doesn't have girl code when she was trying to date someone else's boyfriend last year. And I don't know.
It's just like she's misfiring, you know?

Oh, but she doesn't really help.

She didn't have a relationship with JT that that girl. I'm not saying that makes it any better, but here it's like her best friend.
And I think that she's kind of hurt by Craig.

I actually don't know if she has to go up to Craig. I think that

like she, yeah, she weighed in publicly, but so everyone else weighs in publicly about everything on this show, and Craig, especially. So, like, now someone weighs in about something.

And

I don't know. I just feel like, wow, like, I think Craig could have said, I'm really disappointed with that.
And like, I feel hurt that, that she wouldn't have my back because I really enjoy Manitoba.

But instead, he's like, I'm never talking to her again. I was like, I think that like, I don't know.
Well, Craig is a little bitch. Like, I'm not going to, I mean, Craig's a little bitch.
Like, duh.

Yeah. I mean, of course I think that.
I guess here's my point. We're rooting for this girl.
Okay. We want her to be in this cast.
And at every turn, she's making moves to take her away from the cast.

The JT thing was huge. A huge bad move.
Okay.

Then she just made it worse. By the end, she just made the whole thing worse.
Okay. so then you've got, okay, let's start over clean.
JT's not even here.

So then it's like, okay, let's see Vanita kind of

more with the cast this year. And then she's kind of coming for Craig.
Like her, her storyline is going anti-Craig, which is like, oh, did he start it? Sure. But is this the best move for you to be

ingratiated with the cast? No. Yes, I think so.
The reason why is that first episode, she's like, I have a beef with Craig.

Vanita, for the first time ever, has more of a central storyline. Like, should she have just gone into that like back party? It was not a Craig party.
Absolutely. But instead, she leaves the party.

I was like, okay, you're doing the Bravo thing. Good.
You're like, I'm angry.

And I feel like she has the storyline for like one episode. And now it's like, and now it's shelved.
It's like, oh, whatever. Vanita and Craig.
What matters more is that Sally kind of likes Craig.

Let's focus on that. I'm like, what? Let Vanita have her story.
Yeah, that's true. You know, like, that's true.
But I think it's Vanita too, because Vanita's not playing her storyline out.

She's mad at Craig, but then she's running away every time Craig's in the room. And she's, it's like you've got this perfect cast party in the very beginning of the season.

That's where all the fights happen. So if you're going to have that storyline, you go into that party and you fight it out with Craig in front of everybody.

And then you pull Craig's allies from him, like Austin, who's like a fair weather ally, but you pull Austin, you pull Shep, you get those guys on your side.

But instead, she doesn't talk to any of them. She just talks to the girls and just tries to keep the girls away.
Doesn't even really,

if you're just not playing it right, is my point.

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Here's the issue. Vanita is a normal, sane,

seemingly intelligent person. And so she's acting like that.
She's acting like a normal person, which is that you sort of say, okay, you shrug, and internally you say, okay, I see who you are.

I'm going to downgrade you as a friend. But you're on a TV show.
So what you need to be saying is, Sally, the fact that you talk to Craig and the fact that you do that, it really hurts me.

And I'm not sure why

like that. You got to do the reality star thing.
Exactly. And like, instead of sitting there on this, on this beach chair and just be like, hey, this kind of bothered me, be like, this is fucked up.

And actually, I'm not sure we could be friends anymore. Like, you got to, like, if you, like, if you're going to play the feud card, go do the whole thing.
Do the whole thing.

So we can really be like, team Fanita, you know, and like, you know, we can rally the troops. Yeah.
But she's just actually being too like. Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

Like, play these storylines better. You know,

yeah, come on. You can do it.

So anyway, she's being very respectful here. And she's like, yeah, exactly.
Be a terrible person. Okay.

That's what we're saying.

So Vanita's like, well, look, I just, if our friendship is something you value, you value, you got to give me a little bit more respect because sometimes you choose Craig over me.

Sally's like, that would never happen. You have my word.
I would never choose a name over you. A penis? Yes.
It doesn't matter who it's attached to. Okay.

And she's just like, I don't know. I guess we'll see.
Well, maybe Vanita's doing a slow burn. You know, she's like saying, I'm going to give you a nice, a nice like check right now,

but that was strike one. And then we go right to strike three.
And that's what I'm hoping. Because Vanita, come on, you're, you gotta, you gotta build this feud up a little bit.
Okay.

So, um, we both agreed with that, and I think that's where we were both trying to get to. So, Madison now arrives.
Like, King Claw, I got, I only go to Alpha Claws.

I would never go to any like Prince Claw, beta, beta claw.

The claw is the most alpha.

non-alcoholic. She's like, can I have a Heineken non-alcoholic? And then Austin comes in.
He's like,

I say, no alcoholics, please. Sorry, I never would get normally such a beta beer, but I'm pregnant.
So it is what it is.

So she. Fuck, when's the last time you had crabs?

If you don't feel comfortable answering that, you don't have to.

Ah, Madison. Okay, well, first of all, let's talk about this party.
He's like, yeah, let's talk about Saturday. I had so much fun and I got to talk to Audrey for a little while.

And, you know, poison your relationships. And that was really fun for me.

Poison your fake relationship. Have fun with that, stupid.

And we see the flashback of her being like, honestly, Sally's got the hot frosting. What do you think about that, eyebrows? And Audrey's like,

so then back to present, Madison's like, well, I mean, it's the truth. What was I going to do? Lie to her.

So

yes. Yeah.

You literally would do that. So Austin, no, because she does know how to be real.
She knows how to be a reality star. She's just going to go stir it up wherever she goes.

So, Austin's like, oh, I'm doing a bib for sure. Me too, because I'm sitting across from you.
Shit, I've had my bib on this whole entire time. I had my bib on before you came in from the parking lot.

Just a question for King Claude. Do you have some extras you can give Austin for after he leaves the restaurant? Maybe like a weekly supply he could have of bibs.

I think the bib should be kind of a permanent thing with Austin.

Hey, waitress, could you bring me a lobster that'll spit as Austin has spit at Austin as much as as Austin spits at me while he talks?

What was Madison thinking, taking Austin to, you know, a seafood boil place? Like, that is the worst place for Austin. I mean, well, we've talked about it.

I feel like every season, they'll take Austin to some restaurant

where he's going to spray kernels of corn everywhere. And like

this poor cast, they just need to have like a Gallagher poncho on.

I think that they do that with Austin because it makes more sense for Austin to be in an environment like that. You know what I mean? Because at least the food's supposed to be messy.

At least when you leave with your face covered in crap,

you kind of expect it in a place like that. That's true.

So I'm doing a bid for sure. Yeah.
She's like, well, why'd you get it so tat? I'm going to face turning red.

He's like, tied his bibs extremely tightly around his neck. All right, let's get back to Audrey.
He's like, okay, well, I asked Audrey. I said, how long, how's the long distance thing going?

He's like, well, it's not long distance. Well, that's because you stay here.
She drives. Oh, yeah.

That's insane, right?

So we see a flashback to Audrey being like, well, it's been like 90, 10 of him coming to Charlotte versus me coming here. So, yeah, what's going on, Austin?

He's like, well, I just feel like when she's here, it's like so fucking good. So fucking easy, Madison.
I'm not going to lie. It's been easy.

But then I also have the other end of it. You know, like when she's gone, it's amazing.

He's like, I'm like, is this forever? Like, am I supposed to have those thoughts about the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with? I'll tell you this right now. The answer is no.

You're not supposed to feel that way. After a year and a half, if you're like, hmm, I don't know.
That's a, that is a N-O.

Yeah, I'm not supposed to. That's a no.
Yeah, sorry.

That guy, listen, we all know that until Austin

is.

Until the line of free pusse say that comes with fame starts trickling down to Austin, he's not going to settle down. Yeah.
I mean, he's just not going to.

He's getting what every guy on Bravo gets, which is a lot of girls being nice to him in bars and like willing to sleep with him at bars. And he's going to keep that as long as he can.

And so until that ends, he's going to have an Audrey of some kind or another.

Yep. It's absolutely right.
Waiting. Place holding.
So then Madison's like, yeah, no, you have to be able to say, I can't breathe without you.

I would literally die, which is what a lot of people say when they're in your presence, when you spit food right into their mouths, they joke.

And he's like, well, I'm 37 going on 38. So that answers Ronnie's question.
Fucking hell.

And I'm like,

what am I a guy who's going to get married? How can someone be so sure of such fucking forever long commitment?

Listen, your time is valuable and hers as well. So I wouldn't keep dragging it out.

And, you know, if you know it's not, if it's not the end game, then you might find someone out there that actually takes your breath.

I think she meant to say say takes your breath away, but I think she meant like takes your breath with all the succotash that's flying out amongst it.

It would actually be amazing if you had someone who took your breath or at least improved it. Good lord.

Truly, I've never identified with a song as much as Take My Breath Away.

Take Austin's breath away, please.

Shoot, you know, it would be nice if you found someone to take your breath away instead of making me wish that someone would just take my breath every time I'm with you.

Inhaling is hard around you. It's hard.
So we go over to Patricia's house and she's like, well, look at that. We've got some Pappy Van Winkles.
Just passes a table full of drinks. So she sits down.

She's like, Randy, are you in there, Randy? It's like, you need to unlock this, man.

Damn it.

His crate opens.

So she's like, I have to FaceTime Whitney, but as you know, I don't know how to do it. Can you put one of these things?

So then we watch like a 10-minute scene of them trying to set up FaceTime that somehow has to do with their like opening up the Facebook application.

And I'm like, I don't know that Randy's the one to help. Because you asked for FaceTime and he's opening Facebook.
He's like, hold on, what's going on over here?

You have the MySpace app on here, Miss Patricia. I don't know what that is.

The iPad up, and then it's like the phone.

It's like, no, no.

I love watching her scroll through the iPad. She has the iPad up and she's going like this.

You know, taking her finger and just pushing it all the way up to the ceiling. Like a magic spell.

It's amazing. Emma, like, like, come back alive.

So, um,

that was a mixture of PB Herman and Wicked together. Um,

he's like, so we're going to go to your face, your Facebook, uh, see if you can log in. Do you know your password? revolutionary war corn wallace

so nope

so then hamilton didn't rap

nope

the monroe doctrine nope

So um he has to go upstairs to find her password. Oh, get her phone or whatever, because you can log in through your phone.
So he leaves leaves, and

he's like, Oh, look, I found it on a tray of snacks.

Oh, well, that's handy. Wow.
Look at that. Oh, I'm sorry.
These are the snacks I left out for you. This is a cracker ditch and cyanide.
Go ahead, eat it. Wait, I'm not eating that.
Eat it.

Hey, Randy. You ever see one of these MMs? Well, of course, ma'am.
You ever seen one hit your face?

Oh,

nailed it. Right between the eyes.

So, if you hit this, will it automatically call him? I don't know. You're asking me, What's the point of you, Randy? Oh, never mind.
I forgot.

Ow!

Sorry, that was the point of my fork.

Now, hold on right here. Now, just okay, just get a little closer.

Oh, ma'am, did you just throw a Kit Kat at my face? Sure, did.

Thanks for the snacks.

So, uh, she calls Whitney. She's like, hi, honey.
Where are you?

I'm coming up on Bill Graves Square, Mother.

So you're still in London?

Yeah. You're never going to believe this, man.

Camilla decorated all of Buckingham Palace with crazy pillows.

Very funny, which is my way of saying, get better material.

So Randy's like, well, before you let him go, ma'am, you want to show him the Chauncey thing that came in? And he hands her a little gravestone for Chauncey.

It's like, oh, I finally got a plaque for Chauncey. Oh, poor Chauncey.
We learn Chauncey has left this mortal plane. And so

she says that Chauncey got a neurological illness and then had breathing problems. And then she actually starts to choke up.
We've never seen Miss Patricia cry. And she's,

she's really, you know, she's really sad.

And she's like, I miss missed chauncey i just adored him and we see like oh you know flashbacks of chauncy throughout the years from a when chauncey was a little puppy so chauncey was only 10 so definitely like very young and um oh and but i did like that when this sort of all ends she goes uh she's she's saying that she can give them a burial and everything and they're and when he's like

she wants to get like a bagpiper and whitney's like i have to play amazing grace

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. You're not being facetious, are you?

Well, I was also thinking that they could just get Randy out there and have him get on a bagpipe, but we'll fill the entire thing up with arsenic. See what happens then.

Take Randy. Take Randy instead.

So she's in the confessional again and she's crying. And she's like, oh, God, I don't want to talk about it.
Now, if you ever ask me about my dead husband, you'll never get the same response.

So now we go to Craig driving his car, and Austin calls, Craig!

I have some news, Craig. I'm gonna be a cat dad.
I'm adopting a cat.

Craig's like, oh my God, Austin, that's the kiss of death. What do you mean? My last three ex-girlfriends got a cat before breaking up with me.
I'm like, it's not a kiss of death.

It just means that you were so boring that they were like, I need to, I need something that's going to give me more emotional response.

Yeah, and Austin's getting a cat before he breaks up with Aubrey or Audrey because Austin, you know, he's going to lose that aw factor that he's got with Audrey right now.

More people are like, oh my God, he has a girlfriend.

So now he doesn't have a girlfriend, but it's going to be, I'm so broken up about my girlfriend. Yeah, it's cats.
They're going to go on.

And he can always pull out his phone and be like, look. It already is working on me.
And it's working on me already. I was like, oh, my God, I love that he got two cats.

Cause, you know, I'm a cat person.

But

Craig's like, yeah, they broke up with me. He's like, are you serious right now? Yeah.
Wow. So then we

see, because then we're learning. Naomi got a new cat.
Then Natalie got a cat named Stormy. And then Paige got Daphne.

And

Craig's like, yeah, they're like, oh, cool. We're one happy family.
And then they're actually like, wait, this is a family of two. I'm like, well, to be fair.

There's just no way that Craig could compete with Colonel Gizmo or Daphne. I don't know about Natalie's cat, but especially Colonel Gizmo.

I mean, Colonel Gizmo continues to be the best cat that was ever on Bravo. Although maybe Baby, let's never.

Between Baby and Colonel Gizmo, it's a hard one, but Colonel Gizmo. He's a baby.
Baby.

Oh, from Real House West of New York. Wasn't that a dog? I think baby was a cat.
Well, there were a few babies. There was baby, baby, and baby.
Carol's baby was a dog, I thought.

I thought Carol's baby was a cat. She just took a picture of the cat like a few days ago on her side.
Oh, really? Yeah.

baby

carol rans

so

well baby

she's had a golden doodle named baby and two cats named baby belle and baby blue so there you go we were both there

that was her old thing baby baby and baby

Anyway, the point is that Craig got pushed out for cats. Baby Mare, Baby Uh, and Baby Son.

So Austin's like, oh my gosh, Craig. I mean, it's something that Audrey and I are not doing together, right? But I really want a cat.
So I want to enlist you to pick out a shit for my cat.

Well, I definitely have some tips to share with you. And so we see, you know, this big line of succession of cats that ended up leaving Craig over the years.
And then we go to not a Pet Smart, but a

Meyer Vogel gallery, which is some kind of like mom-and-pop cat store. You know, Charleston has done a great job of keeping mom-and-pop cat, you know, like stores in general.

Like, you don't see a best-buy. You don't see, you know, you need a battery there.
You go to like Mr. Mr.
Winston's house of batteries or something.

You know, it's like a little, a real store, old store. It's like some old guy there in pinstripes.
Like, you want a battery? What kind is it? I hope it's not one of them rechargeables.

I feel like Meyer Vogel sounds like a distant cousin of mine. Did you go to Passover at Meyer Vogel's house? No, of course not.
It's too far. It's in Valley Stream.
Ugh, the traffic. Terrible.

Maya Vogel. No one has better Gogel than Maya Vogel.

Did you see Rachel, his daughter? Yeah, she's doing well. She's got a child.
He's very smart.

Claims she doesn't need a man, though.

Who am I to judge?

So,

so by the way, maybe the reason why Craig, everyone leaves Craig after they get a cat is because Craig makes terrible cat recommendations.

They're like, I don't think I could be with a man who doesn't know how to care for this cat. But Craig's like, I love being a boyfriend and I love sharing my life with someone.

But six months later, I'm ready for a stranger in my bed.

So guess what? Charlie greets him there because Charlie works at the Maya Vogel Gallery. Oh, I thought they were at the Meyer-Vogel cat store.
I guess that comes later.

So this is the Meyer-Vogel cat, the Meyer-Vogel

gallery. Okay, that makes more sense.
Yes. Yes.
I feel like when I have a connection with someone, I really don't waste time.

And I have an inherent fear of rejection that probably developed when I got friend zone in high school. So, like, any cockiness I have is fake.
What is up with these? Is this the new fuckboy thing?

Because we've seen this on a few shows now where it's like, something happened to me in high school, and now I just can't get over it.

I am a fuckboy for life because a woman broke my heart. I guarantee you broke the person's heart in high school.

That's the way the story usually goes, but they're going to act like they're the victims.

Yeah, that's how you, that's how you move on. You know, that's how you get a new one when she goes, oh,

I got dumped by Paige nationally. Aww.

So he's like, so how would you suggest picking out a piece? Like, should you absolutely love it or should you pick out something that you come to love one day? It's like, oh, God.

Are you talking about anything else here, Craig? No, Paige is like, I'd like to weigh in that I tried option B. It doesn't work out.
Okay, thanks very much.

Charlie's like, no, you should absolutely love it.

And she says, when she first started working at the art gallery, I used to talk about it endlessly whenever I'd be drunk at a bar.

And then the guys would like show up the next day at the bar, at the gallery and be like, oh, it just happened to be stopping by. And I was like,

this is crazy.

And she's, I like it. She's like, I used to talk about it endlessly when I'd get drunk.
Flashback to last week. Oh, my God, guys, I work at a gallery.

Well, if I see something I love, we'll get it no matter what. So, like, that piece would fit there.
She's like, oh, yeah, that drawing or that painting of a gas can. Yeah, sorry.
I already sold that.

So can't have that. You know, honestly, the me, Sally, and Craig situation gives me the ick of all of it.
I'm not interested in him at all, which is a lie. She still is.

And he's like, he's like, can you outbid people on this artwork? She's like, no, it's sold. You can't outbid people.
Craig. Trying to throw his money around.

But like, I really like Craig. So him coming into the gallery, even if he does have those other motives, like, it's not my job to decipher his motives.
So he says he's interested in art.

So I'm going to show him art and hopefully buy some because I get a commission.

So do you want any watercolors or like oils? Well, realistically. Do you have any finger paintings? I really into that.

I really want a picture of a tiger or a penguin or a polar bear, but like a watercolor polar bear. So you want a white canvas? Yeah.

When he said tiger penguin, I was like, please don't say crocodile next because he's just going through polo shirt logos.

I love a polar bear. A polar bear watercolor.
It's just a blank canvas.

It's like, so you want a watercolor of a tiger? I'm so confused. A tiger or a polar bear? And he's like, do you have those? No, we do not have those.
Do you have a polar tiger? Those don't even exist.

But like, it's art, so you can make it. No.
What about a snow tiger? Well, that does exist. But is that the same as a polar bear? Why are you asking me these questions? I work at an art gallery.

And the custom going. I definitely play the long game.

The only way I've ever had a long-term girlfriend is like foundationally, we've been friends first.

And then we just like keep smiling at each other until like eventually she's like, well, I guess this is the best I'm going to do. Then she comes home with me.

No, you have a girlfriend because you're so charming and so cute, and you can get any girl you want. And then your real personality comes out after about two weeks.
And then it all goes downhill.

We've seen it. I've seen this for 12 years, 11 years.
So then Craig, in his pursuit of the polar bear/slash tiger/slash penguin painting, sees some sculptures that look like water balloons.

And he's like, I just want to touch them. Can I touch it? He just grabs these little sculptures.
She's like,

Yeah, just be careful. Okay.
Oh, how dare you? Just kidding. But actually, kind of like, don't touch it.
That is our. He's like, whatever.

And she says, well, I'm not saying that I like Craig, but I do like flirting with Craig. So, so now they're looking at floral paintings.

And he's like, wow, this would be so cool if it was like a panther.

Or what do they call a panther that's white? Is this a joke?

A polar bear. I still don't know if this is a joke.
Are you just informing me on something?

Both.

Oh, gosh. So he's like, so do I have to just wait for these artists to die before it gets valuable? When's this artist going to die? It's like Seinfeld.

And she's like, no, I mean, yeah, I mean, after she does die, I'll get better, but like, well, I mean, I don't want her to die, but you know her age and health condition, and do you know if she lives anywhere near polar bears and if they'll attack her, and if she'll make a painting about the polar bear before she dies, will the polar bear take it?

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two.

See you over there, suckers.

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