Hellraiser Or Hilarious w/ Doug Bradley (Pinhead) | Your Mom's House Ep. 824

Mommies, the main mommy needs your help.

That's right.

I need you to tell me what your favorite moment is ever from your mom's house podcast.

That's right.

Make a video, a short video, a concise video of you telling me what your favorite moment is of YMH.

And we may feature you on the podcast.

Welcome, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Mike and Alyssa are always trying to outdo each other.

When Alyssa got a small water bottle, Mike showed up with a four-litre jug.

When Mike started gardening, Alyssa started beekeeping.

Oh, come on.

They called a truce for their holiday and used Expedia Trip Planner to collaborate on all the details of their trip.

Once there, Mike still did more laps around the pool.

Whatever.

You were made to outdo your holidays.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia, made to travel.

Hi, mommies.

hi jeans.

It's me the main mommy and Tommy Salami is still filming in Jew Mexico.

He's filming a movie.

So I have a co-host with me today that I am so stoked.

You guys don't even know what you're in for.

Please welcome Doug Bradley today as my co-host.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Hello, hello, hello.

Hi.

It's a great pleasure to be here.

I love you.

I am so thrilled that you and your wife came to Austin just to do this.

I really appreciate you.

Thank you for inviting us.

And, you know, it's a pleasure to be here.

And

as a very wise man once said,

let the conversation begin.

Yes!

Yes!

I bet you didn't know Pinhead is a mommy.

You do now.

Let the conversation begin.

Who do you think is creepier?

Pinhead or Garth?

Who's killed more people?

Well, Pinhead, well,

other than

wiping out an entire nightclub full of people in Hellraiser 3,

his known kill count

on screen isn't that high, really.

We'll talk about that.

Yeah.

I agree.

I have so much to get into.

I mean,

with Garth, for me, it was back in the day when, because I get asked quite often at Q ⁇ As, you know, and interviews and fans generally about

what music I like and what I listen to.

And I always say it's easier to define myself by what I don't like and what I don't listen to.

And in trying to

make a distinction between

being a huge country music fan,

but it was at at the time that the new corporate Nashville sound was emerging and I called it big hat country and Garth was the poster boy of big hat country for me so I used to say you know like Garth Brooks

no

wow

and I mean I don't I don't

What's

Friends in Low Places?

That's him, right?

Yeah, I've got got friends in Lowe.

But

I couldn't hum it to you, and I couldn't name really any other Garth Brooks songs.

And then

I'm not sure of the chronology

as to when I got shown

the Facebook clip,

which was so weird in so many ways, not least because he gave the impression that

someone had just introduced him to the idea of Facebook and he'd never heard of it before.

Do we have it?

Can we just

and then I'll do the opening clip.

I know what you're saying.

This phony, this faked surprise.

Oh, Facebook?

What a great idea.

Why did nobody think of this?

Let's watch it again, just for old time's sake.

So creepy.

Well, I guess it's official.

I guess it's official now on Facebook.

What though?

I really wasn't sure about this at the start.

And a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense.

She said, think of it more as a conversation.

I like that.

I like that.

I like that.

I like that.

Well,

that's amazing.

Here, this is a great segue.

I really like that.

Yeah, let's get into the opening clip because I really like that too.

Let the conversation.

Anyone want these old sandals?

You can have them

if you want them.

I don't want them no more.

My friend was getting some more sandals.

Oh, and also they come with a bottle of brisk drink too.

Oh, well, I'm sold.

So stupid.

Oh, shit.

Christina Pazic.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Nice long intro.

Oh,

hold on.

Now

I'm disrobing because I'm

showing us your shirt.

It's so beautiful.

You must I only wore I only wore the overshirt for the purposes of the reveal.

It was such a good reveal by the way.

I had no idea.

You wore a denim shirt too to really pay on my

now as you know Doug, you're a huge fan of sex in the city, I'm assuming.

You sure clearly a Miranda

but anyway, apparently you know the guy that plays Mr.

Big?

No.

Okay.

He's so hot.

Is he?

You're going gonna like him well he's like super into me yeah here here it is he found out that like

i guess tom isn't here but he's super cute okay ready he sent me this video it's so weird okay christina you have a podcast it's called your mom's house are you doing it well without your husband tom she's killing it with her goth style goth music the cure always a great one Sexy.

Loves goth music.

So let's keep Tom away from it for a while and uh see what happens

you're gonna be doing fine without him cheers

wow what do you think well

uh nice nice i suppose

i don't know really i'm very neutral on yeah the subject of mr big and indeed sex in the city in general i i never watched it can i oh well you're missing out i i watch it compulsively it's

can i just point out this is really interesting This is very interesting in a celebrity's home when there's a picture of the celebrity hanging in their home.

Positioned.

Very unique choice.

Hot choices.

Do you have many photographs of yourself

in your home?

I don't have photographs of me.

There are lots of images of Pennhead around.

Let's look at him for a minute.

I have a sort of.

There's steps going down towards the utility room and basement.

I love this photograph.

I keep a lot of stuff on the walls and stuff that fans give me.

I call that a museum.

So

this is

Bloodline Hellraiser 4.

So it's 1994.

It's late night.

That is only water.

We're filming.

I always had a leotard underneath the jacket.

So I just really just dropped it down off the shoulders.

Oh, that's what that is.

For a little decollete moment, dears.

I was going to say, it's the cenobites.

It's very big.

Yes.

So you had a suit, you had a leotard under

the leather heavy.

What is it, like an S ⁇ M kind of outfit, which, by the way, I have to say, like, let me just fan your skirt up for a moment because, you know, I've been a huge fan of Hellraiser and Clive Clive Barker, Books of Blood, all that stuff since I was a teenager.

And I feel like, you know, anybody can kill people, right?

Like Freddy Krueger

and Jason.

I'm sure you're friends with all these guys.

I know them.

Yes.

Yeah, you guys hang out and stuff.

Well, at conventions, I wouldn't say we sort of hang out.

I made a movie with Robert.

Oh, Robert England.

Yes.

Yeah, how is he?

Robert's wonderful.

I've known Robert for a very long time.

We made a movie together in the the mid 90s called kill a tongue bring that up please

la la lingua afacina

it's uh

there we are we shot we shot it in spain it's uh it's awesome it's one crazy movie

um but uh a lot of fun i was playing a convict

and the reason

uh there's mindy clark

is in it as well.

That's Mindy

looking very, very sexy in her outfit with her

killer tongue retracted in her mouth.

So Robert was playing the chief screw, and

I was a convict

on a chain gang.

And Mindy and her boyfriend had carried out a bankheist, and Mindy was pretending to be a nun, and she was hiding out in the convent, very heavily pregnant, pregnant

with her collection of large poodles and then there's a point in the movie

which an asteroid appears and it hits Earth's atmosphere and it breaks into lots of pieces.

She's sitting around a table eating soup with her poodles who are all perched on chairs around the table.

And fragments of the asteroid fly in through windows and land in the soup and the magical properties of the asteroid turn all the poodles into drag queens.

Fuck y'all.

This sounds like the best movie ever.

This is amazing.

When we started this podcast, it felt like we had to do like everything ourselves, production, branding, marketing.

It was a lot and I wish we had Shopify back then.

We use Shopify to power our merch store and made it super easy to launch and manage everything from designing the site to handling drops like the Air Segura shirt, which we all know flew off the shelves.

we can track orders, restock, and stay on top of it all without needing a full team.

Shopify powers millions of businesses and handles 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., from big names like Mattel and Gymshark to companies like us here at YMH.

You can build a beautiful online store with hundreds of templates, create content with built-in AI tools, and run email and social campaigns like you've got a full marketing team.

If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

Turn your big business idea into

with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com slash momshouse.

Go to shopify.com slash mom's house, shopify.com slash mom's house.

Life moves fast and sometimes you just need to relax, recharge, or actually focus for once without overcomplicating it, which is why I love VIA.

It's so easy to get and it just chills me out.

Half a million happy customers can't be wrong.

Via is changing the game in natural wellness, combining high-quality hemp-derived ingredients with powerful cannabinoids for real effective driven results.

Want better sleep, more focus, a little boost in the bedroom, or maybe you just need to chill out because your stress level is currently at the screaming into the void status.

Whatever you need, Vaya's got you.

If you're not sure where to start, their product find your quiz will match you up in under a minute.

If you're 21 plus, check out the link to Vaya in our description and use code YMH to to receive 50% off free shipping on orders over $100.

And if you're new to VIA, get a free gift of your choice.

After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them.

Please support our show and tell them we sent you.

Enhance your every day with VIA.

So we're in a kind of Priscilla in the desert kind of

thing

now.

And that's only like the first 10 minutes.

That's

I got to watch this when I get home.

I'm going to have surgery tomorrow.

It's completely say completely insane.

Completely insane.

And there you are.

Talking of completely insane.

Yeah.

So, but

my point being is that I love Robert England.

I love

Friday the 13th.

Jason, let's talk about your other slayers.

Night of the Living, Dead.

What's the one, the Chainsaw?

Texas Chainsaw.

All these guys are scary as shit, right?

Like, you don't want to meet any of these bros.

Now, what I love about Pinhead and Hellraiser is that you brought a humanity to this

you know this really scary character which is kind of cool because we got to see that at one point pinhead was just a person

and there's it's all these great themes about desire and greed and lust and these wonderful human themes and i find that to be so relatable anyway i mean it's a testament to you bringing some kind of

human element to this because this is fucking terrifying.

There you are with Ringo Star.

Jesus Christ.

That's

you keep asking me questions and then putting energy to them.

But so that's

I was doing publicity

for the release of Hellraiser 3.

So this, I think, is 1992, maybe 92 or 93.

And

the Merrimacks, in their infinite wisdom, had decided it would be a very cool idea for me to do lots of publicity stuff in makeup and costume, which I didn't think was such a great idea, but they agreed to pay me to do them, at which point it seemed like a better idea.

Of course.

So,

this is the MTV video awards when they used to film with

David Spade

the filmed inserts of celebrities who couldn't get in because they weren't on the list

and they'd pre-film those and then screen them during the um the awards ceremony and uh

that year

it was roseanne oh uh andrew dice clay um

ringo and pinhead oh cool who couldn't get in because their names weren't on the list and i'd i'd

i'd have the my makeup and costume applied in my hotel room,

which was a trip too, because on the way down from the hotel room to the lobby,

we're in the elevator going down and it stopped.

And the doors opened and here's a businessman with, you know, with

his suit and his briefcase.

And he stared at me and I stared back at him.

And then he just went, okay.

This is some weird shit and took a step back, and the elevator doors closed.

And amazing down we went.

So I arrived in the limo.

You know, it's quite an exciting thing to be doing, and get out.

The PR girl comes over and says,

you know, so delighted to have you here today.

It was at UCLA.

We're just going to bring you into the entrance to the auditorium.

Eric Clapton and Elton John are rehearsing at the moment.

Oh, and Ringo's here.

So, you know,

I was

seven, I think,

when the world stopped turning for me for a moment when I first heard Love Me Do on the radio in 1962.

And huge Beatles fan for all of my life from that moment forward.

So my legs have gone to jelly a bit and

came around around the corner into the entrance to the arena and Ringo with this extraordinary turban thing going on has got his back to me.

And he's talking to a couple of guys who

see me.

And then they start

to Ringo.

And he turned round and

it's one of the proudest moments of my life.

He turned round and he looked at me

and he said,

Hey,

it's Pen Ed.

It's great.

Oh, that's so cool.

And that picture was on

the front of the Hollywood Reporter the next day.

Amazing.

It was great.

And I've said often to fans, you know, who say to me, who apologize.

because they're talking gibberish or you know and I my brain and my tongue Homer Simpson style completely disconnected.

Of course.

I just talked gibberish to him.

Of course.

I'm from Liverpool too.

Yeah.

I do that too.

I believe I actually did say that while I'm thinking, what are you doing?

Did you guys talk about Liverpool?

Honestly, the rest is a blur.

Yeah, he just dissociated.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

I think we did, but he's not.

A man of few words.

Yeah.

He's got to be used to being seen as like an absolute god.

Arguably the most famous people on the planet are the Beatles.

Right.

No, I mean, I was kind of completely.

Oh, I'd be.

I'd puke on myself.

Hell yeah.

I can't do it.

If I ever met Peter Murphy, I'd just puke all over myself or like Robert Smith.

Those are my Beatles.

You know what I mean?

Right.

So what is it like to be

comedians?

We're lucky in that when we meet fans, they're pretty happy to see us.

I think people,

you know what I mean?

Like, you're walking around in this wild costume.

What is that like?

Well, I'm not when fans meet me.

No, no, no, they meet you as human.

But, like, I'm saying, like, even walking around at the MTV Music Awards, that's got to feel weird because you're not really filming a movie.

It does.

That does kind of feel weird because you,

you know, people aren't relating to me and I'm not in character because I'm, you know, not doing that.

But nobody's relating to me.

They're relating

to that image and what they see, you know, and all the pinhead jokes come out, you know, the pincushion jokes.

Let's go, let's hear them.

The dartboard jokes and, you know, all of that.

So,

yeah, and being in sunlight isn't great with the makeup.

Yeah.

Oh, as a goth of, you know, 40 years or so, I know.

Oh, I know.

Well, because the

uh the foam latex is full of little air bubbles.

Oh.

And they heat up

slowly.

And you don't notice the process until suddenly everything is getting very warm.

And then it takes a long time to cool down again.

So, yes, it w um I and it was only me and Ringo that day.

I didn't I didn't I didn't get to encounter Roseanne

which would have been pretty wild, I think.

She would have loved it, sure.

Um, so I'm gonna ask you all the basic questions that you get asked 40 million times a year.

How long does it take to put on the makeup?

It's been a pleasure talking to you, Christine.

I'm sorry, I know.

How do you come up with your skits, Christine?

Uh, well,

um,

uh,

early days it was about five or six hours, and then it comes up to about three or four would be the

standard time.

That's to get into it and then to get out of it at the end of a day?

30 minutes to an hour.

You just rip it off.

Or no, no, they keep it intact because they're using it.

No.

No.

Neither of those things.

And I hated the removal much more than the application.

You have to proceed slowly because basically everything is glued to your skin.

So you can't just rip it off.

And And in particular, in my case,

please don't do that.

Just kidding.

I see your microphone over there.

I think clearing my throat is the least of our worries.

What was I saying?

Makeup, putting it on and taking it off.

Oh,

they got to pay you a lot more for that part.

Jesus.

they used they used stuff called uh pross aid pros aid

prost

pros aid

prosthetic aid i think is is the thing

that's uh what year is this this is 1994 it's bloodline

This was movie magic filmed this and

gave the impression that this is what Pinhead liked to do.

He liked to,

if you watch carefully, you'll realize that I haven't got a fucking clue how to throw a football.

I don't do American football, but they gave the impression that this is what Pinhead does when he's relaxing on set.

He likes to throw a football around in the parking lot.

This Cenobite.

No, he doesn't.

Who the fuck is that?

Is that...

Oh, that's Jamie.

Right.

Okay.

That's from that's from the remake.

This is Hulu remake.

Oh, okay.

I haven't haven't seen that picture before.

So she is a lady.

I could never tell what gender that cenobite was, which is another reason you guys were so ahead of your time.

You had non-binary cennobites.

In some ways.

I mean,

you said I was

wearing a skirt.

So cool.

It's like an SNM thing.

Gosh, so I read Clive Barker's stuff as a...

a young teenager and I didn't realize until last year when I reread Books of Blood because I was in a really dark place after

you know breast cancer stuff I was like in the darkest place so you turned to the books of blood to cheat

yourself up I don't know what it was but I was like I have to read something darker than what's in my head to get me to access those that darkness do you know what I'm saying like you have to see something that feels safe to you to be able to deal with those feelings and so I was reading it and a friend of mine was like, hey, you know, Clive Barker, the guy who wrote it, it's a gay man.

And it totally,

you see it as an adult in a totally different way.

Now, this is very recently.

Yeah.

This is like a year ago.

I was like, oh my God, Clive Barker's a gay dude.

This is like Barry Manilow coming out.

You're like, duh.

Well, now

I'm like, oh, yeah.

He was into like leather bonding.

That's probably why I liked it because I was a goth kid and I thought stylistically, it's so cool.

Hey, everyone.

Don't miss my come together tour.

I've added a late show in West Palm Beach, Florida on Friday, September 19th.

I'll also be in Allentown, Pennsylvania on Friday, September 26th and Poughkeepsie, New York on Saturday, September 27th.

Tickets and all info is at tomscura.com slash tour.

This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV insurance.

RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even your pets.

So if you bring your cats and dogs along for the ride, you'll want Progressive RV Insurance.

They protect your cats and dogs like family by offering up to $1,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in case of an RV accident, making it a great companion for the responsible pet owner who loves to travel.

See Progressive's other benefits and more when you quote RVinsurance at progressive.com today.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, pet injuries, and additional coverage and subject to policy terms.

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for can't resolve much.

Which means you may have sunk a fortune into software that just bounces customer issues around but never actually solves them.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

With AI built into one platform, customers aren't mired in endless loops of automated indifference.

They get what they need when they need it.

Bad CRM was then.

This is service now.

You'd read the Books of Blood in high school?

As a teenager, yeah.

So you'd read In the Hills, the Cities.

I don't know that one.

Okay.

Which one's that?

I've only read the first volume.

I don't remember everything.

Rawhead Rex.

I don't remember Running Order.

Well, you know,

Rawhead Rex.

A little bit of a clue in there as well.

Right.

Yes, yes.

I didn't put together,

like, you know, the eroticism as being gay or whatever.

I don't know.

He's not.

Is he a Satanist?

What I'm trying to ask is that,

is he into sex magic Satanism?

Never mind the being homosexual bit.

Is he a Satanist?

That's all we want to say.

Are you a Satanist?

Am I a Satanist?

You get asked.

Are you a Satanist?

Definitely.

I worship the devil daily.

There you guys are.

There we go.

Oh, he's cute.

I've never even seen an image of him.

I think that may be on the set of Lord of Illusions.

That was a weird night.

I think that may be it.

I was doing a night shoot for Hellraiser 4.

Clive was doing a night shoot for Lord of Illusions,

like a few blocks away.

And they gave me permission in the middle of the night to go and visit.

Oh.

So I did.

I don't think Clive was...

best amused because it kind of brought his entire filming process to a standstill.

When you show up in that gear?

When Pinhead wandered onto that, so you guys have a really interesting past together that I didn't even, I was not even aware of.

You guys have kind of.

I didn't answer your question, by the way.

Sorry.

No, he's not a Satanist.

He's not a Satanist.

And are you

worship the devil?

Okay.

No.

I'm an atheist.

So by definition, if I don't believe in God, I can't believe in the devil.

Good.

Good reasoning.

True story.

Okay, so hold on.

You and Clive go way back.

When did you meet him?

1723.

3 o'clock on a Monday.

1723?

On a Monday afternoon,

shortly before America was invented.

I'm not sure of the precise year.

It's going to be...

Pardon for the liquid death noises off

appropriate moment.

I got cast in the school play.

We're at Quarrybank High School in Liverpool,

where ten years before that, John Lennon was a pupil.

I got cast in the school play, so I'm told to report to rehearsals, which I did, and met my fellow cast members, which included Fellomilad.

So,

and that's,

you know, I've said, and it's true, really,

that was the day that changed my life.

Clive was already writing, starring in, directing,

hand-drawing the posters for his own plays at school, which the head teacher used to give him permission to take over the school hall and put these plays on.

And I got drawn into that orbit.

But isn't that amazing?

Sorry, just for a minute, that your friends at that age are so seminal to who you become.

Like, had you not met Clive and had you not gotten weird with him, we wouldn't be sitting here today.

You know, had I not met my weirdo friends at 15 and they're like, you should listen to this music or you should read this book or you should go here.

And then that's how the Beatles met, right?

Like in high school.

A lot of people met in high school back in the day.

No.

So anyway, continue.

So you're with Clive and that's where you two formed, right?

Adam Clayton

put a notice on the school notice board drummer looking for people to be in the band wild right and the other three were at school with him and they all said hey yeah what is it about british school

well that was an irish school but um oh you were an irish school yes you have to make a sharp distinction sorry between i know oh i know

and the republic of ireland or you'll start a war oh i know um uh oh that was in 1992 at the unveiling of

at the Hollywood Wax Museum.

Okay.

So is that not actually me?

It may not be, actually.

That's so weird.

That may be a wax dummy of me.

I thought I looked a bit weird.

It looks really good, though, for nice.

The costume doesn't look quite right.

Oh.

What is that like to look at a photograph of yourself and go, that's not me?

I realize it isn't.

That's just a statue of me in this wacky costume.

And this have slipped away.

So people always assume that you are this guy, right?

That you are

a torturous demon from hell when they meet you?

I don't know.

That would be for people

to answer.

Yeah.

But people are you know,

there's it's the fun of the distinction between me and the character, you know, that that's always there.

It's always there, but that's true for any

entertainer.

Yeah.

You know, the distinct for for you, when, you know, when you're on stage,

with, you know, you're the microphone,

you are in

character as Christina P, and that's what you're presenting.

And then if people see you in the supermarket the next day, you know, it's

weird.

Which people, you know, I've had people say to me, you know, what are you doing here?

They don't have HEB in hell.

I eat food.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

Yeah, but why are you here?

It's fucking wild.

I've had people say that to me too, like, wait, you carry a backpack?

Somebody said that to me once a year.

Like, you're like, you have a backpack?

I was like, yeah, dude.

Like, I'm still an idiot.

I'm still just a human.

Yeah.

But we just shamble around doing everyday things when farting into microphones, dude.

But I think it's such an important,

it's such an important function.

I'm not farting with you.

I've never knowingly farted into a microphone.

Well, it's your first time.

If I feel the need to fart, I'll ask you for the microphone.

This would be the greatest day ever if Doug Bradley farted into my fart mic.

Because then I can show my husband, like, see, celebrities love the fart mic, babe.

Okay.

You'd be like the first celebrity to fart.

Is he appalled by your fart mic?

Yeah.

He doesn't want to give the people what they want.

I know what the people want, and I want the fart mic, too.

Okay.

Such a fucking bullshit.

But what I was going to say is.

It's such an important function that horror has in society.

And I think you play a really all monsters and you've even written a book about masks and the function and right of say a little bit about that.

I know this book you wrote was based on a talk you gave.

Yeah,

it started as an as an illustrated lecture

and

then it was suggested to me that it should be a book, which was cool because it was always very very difficult for me to

squeeze all the material down into you know an hour for this illustrated lecture um and it was still difficult for me to squeeze everything down into the book so i

part of the thing that drew me into

playing pinhead

in the interim after after school and pinhead and that's it's the best part of like 15 years in between

um we had done a lot of theatre work together and we had done a lot of masking

work

in the theatre work.

And so there was always a fascination with that process.

And

as soon as I got into horror, it was very much, you know, those performances that were the most intriguing.

Boris Karloff

in Frankenstein, obviously, and then discovering

Lonchani Sr.

and so on and so forth.

So in the book, I started by talking a little bit about

the whole cultural history of masking, because it seems as though there's not any culture, anywhere, any time, any place that did not incorporate masking, either

in a context of war or in a context of religion or in some function in daily life.

And in particular, to elevate yourself out of the human, away from the human.

And in the moment of putting a mask on, you cease to be that human being and you become

the thing

that the mask presents

to the world.

It's the image, it's the persona.

And that's what persona means.

And then

I talked about how,

you know, we tend to talk about theatre being born in the sacred groves behind the

Acropolis, the groves that were involved in the worship of Dionysus.

Theatre seems to be born there, and Greek theatre grows out of that.

In Greek theatre, every single actor was masked.

No actor in Greek theatre ever went on stage as themselves.

And these were fixed, rigid masks that presented a persona, a character, and you would recognize, the audience would recognize immediately from the mask who this person was and what their function was.

And

there's also a suggestion that they always have very kind of exaggerated mouthpieces like that.

And it's suggested that this may also have served the function of helping to, you know, like a loud hailer, project the voice

out

into the amphitheatre.

I talked about no theatre in Japan, which is all masked kabuki theatre in Japan as well.

And then I took it into

into

horror movies, which it seemed to me is where the legacy gets carried forward in the 20th century.

gods and demons and magic and transformation.

And so I

wanted to talk specifically about the actor's relationship to the makeup.

Lonchani Sr.

was like a

calling for him.

He made his own makeups.

He applied the makeups himself.

And no other actor has done that.

You might not be.

I mean, look at that.

And

all of that he did himself.

Are you kidding me?

All of that he did himself.

He's so iconic, this guy.

And he wouldn't let any of his secrets away

uh he wouldn't talk about it and he he refused to answer fan mail everything went in the bin

nothing there are a couple of staged pictures of him with his make-up kit it's very theatrical a lot of his makeup because he started in vaudeville and that was where he learned you see the picture there of him with his with the make-up box which i think

you can see in the Los Angeles County Museum.

But that's a pic staged picture nobody ever got near him when he was when he was doing his makeups

and then you've you know you you have like Charles Lawton playing the hunchback of Notre Dame

who had a very very bad relationship with his makeup artist

and

Boris Karloff and Jack Pierce, very, very close relationship working on Frankenstein and

also the mummy.

That's Jack Pierce working in his, looks like a dentist, doesn't he?

It's amazing.

Working on Karloff.

Wow.

Do you realize you're like an iconic monster?

Well, I do.

So great.

I have to.

you know, because it's just because it's incontrovertible.

We all are, all the people we've been talking about, Robert and Kane and

Gunnar Hansen,

the late Gunnar Hansen, who played the first Leatherface so memorably and so brilliantly.

Terrifying.

We are.

We have left our indelible mark on

horror cinema.

I mean, it's very difficult for me to put myself in the same company as Boris.

Oh, you are.

Let me tell you, I had to walk out of Hellbound Hellraiser 2 when I was 13 years old.

I had to leave.

That's how traumatized I was.

Cool.

So cool.

I've never walked out of a film because I was that afraid.

My stepsister and I snuck in.

We were too young to be in it.

13.

I was 13 years old.

And there was skin.

Was that 88?

It was 1942.

Probably.

Yeah, it was R.

And it's the first time.

I think it was Julia coming out of the mattress.

That's a scene.

Holy shit, man.

That's full on, that one.

And I've never seen anything like that before.

And then you show up.

Oh, Julia.

Oh, my God.

It still terrifies me.

It's wild.

It is wild.

There's nothing like this.

It's all

the cutting of the arm Oliver Smith

who played Skinned Frank in Hellraiser.

He's back.

Yes.

For that.

And you've got all of that.

And

that's quite difficult to deal with.

And

it's only a kind of

appetizer

for Julia emerging from the mattress.

It's pretty wild.

Spoiler alert, if you haven't seen this movie, it came out in 1988.

We can talk about it, right, Josh?

I always get into trouble.

But yeah, it gets way crazier.

And I just re-watched it before you came to Austin just to re-terrify myself.

And it's still,

I think because you have the themes of mental illness and Dr.

Chinard and KSD

but my oh no don't even say it can I tell you my favorite line why when I really started to love pinhead and I was like oh this character's different this guy's got some humanity this is deeper than just slash bullshit stuff you know what I'm saying like is when Tiffany unlocks the box and summons the Cenobites and then they all come out and you're last and you go, no

and then the lady with the thing goes no and you go no

it is not hands that call us

it is desire desire

I just got diarrhea having you do that to me right now yeah oh I got a fart mic yeah I gotta I could shit in the mic man well

You're stressing me out, Doug.

Yeah, that's so like a...

Oh, man.

And

what you were saying earlier is very true because Leatherface doesn't speak.

No,

he kind of makes piggy noises beautifully, brilliantly done by Ghana, but he doesn't speak.

Michael doesn't speak.

Jason doesn't speak.

Freddie does, but he just calls everybody a bitch.

He talks some shit and he haunts your dreams, which is terrifying.

And I've always said that, you know, Freddy is rock and roll.

If Freddy is rock and roll, Pinhead is a requiem requiem mass.

That's where he belongs.

And what you said about

what I channel with the character, that's all down to Clive.

That's all down to Clive.

But

those ideas of humanity and

those lines, those resonating lines,

no tears, please, it's a waste of good suffering, and your suffering will be legendary even in hell, and we'll tear your soul apart, and all of that.

That is all from Clive.

I mean,

I'm not engaging in false modesty at all.

Yes, that's my performance, and I did what I did with it, and obviously, I seem to have done something right.

But

the material comes from

Clive.

I mean, I changed not one word of what he wrote.

And the thing for me was because,

obviously i'd also

i'd had a front row seat

for that 15 years to all of clive's creativity

um

oh how dare you i had a belch mic that and we had a belch mic we need a belch mic

this is the belch mic um um

uh

the

the the plays the the the the kind of juvenilia movies that that he was making the short stories,

and the endless, endless art, the constant art, the drawing every single day of his life.

I saw all of that, and particularly in the writing,

as you know from the Books of Blood, he naturally

has

quite a high poetic style.

It's very easy to read.

But

I would make a comparison Poe, who does the same thing.

But that's naturally Clive's writing style.

So when I started reading the Hellraiser screenplay,

the first thing that struck me was how he was kind of almost writing down

because he had to.

He's kind of writing in movie ease,

which is not necessarily the way that he would normally be writing.

And I was very aware that when Pinhead arrived and started to speak I felt like Clive was going thank fuck for that and he was you know he was he was taking the handbrake off and let it rip yeah

so the language he employs for for pinhead is is is

completely different from the way that anybody else in the movie speaks so I have those lines that language that costume, that makeup, you know,

what's your

I mean, it's haunting, it's truly, but you're right because it is such a scene stealer.

You, you just want to watch Pinhead talk.

You're like, what's he going to say?

What's he going to do?

Is he going to kill?

What's he going to do?

Can I ask you like the stupidest question, like Chris Farley type?

Remember when I, when, when, when, when, when, when, when you were in that band?

I feel like that's what this interview is.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, no, it's, it's the fucking, it's the best.

Um, go on, you couldn't ask

a a stupid question.

So

what accent does Pinhead have?

And in correlation, like what part of England is he from?

If you have to, because I don't think you're doing like a Liverpool

accent, right?

Like,

Scouse Pinhead.

I'll tear your fucking soul apart, lads.

I'll tell you now.

You're suffering.

It'll be fucking legendary, even even in hell.

It's a totally different movie.

And everybody gets a pint.

It would be.

Yeah.

Totally different.

You know what I mean, like?

You know what I mean?

Like.

No, that's.

Oh, I do like Australian.

You said you're not.

Well, you go cockney.

Like.

Like.

Not like.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Like.

Like.

Like.

Like.

You know what I mean, like.

You know what I mean?

Like.

Yeah.

Well, Gavna, what's

Gavna?

Oh, for fuck's sake, no tears, please.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

It's a waste of good suffering come on

save that suffering for later

so cool man we just rewrote this um yeah no i'm not sure that would have worked no

no i don't know it's just it's just my voice it's your voice and it's special i want to share i didn't i wasn't well i mean by definition

he's countryless stateless you know he has no he has no social place he has no he is

He's kind of in abeyance as a being.

So

there's no geographical or cultural location for him.

Other than hell.

Hell yeah.

A.K.A.

Hell.

His address, H.E.

double hockey sticks.

I just want to show this photograph.

Is this you and Clive?

As babies?

Look at you two.

And your lovely wife, Steph, sent this to me.

Right.

And

I thought this was really cool.

Can you talk about that a little bit?

Sure.

So,

it's 1976.

We're in Liverpool.

So I am, it's a

I'm 21.

How about that?

Fuck me.

I know.

So

we're almost 50 years on.

Because I turn

71 in a few weeks.

And for for those people who know their Liverpool geography,

looking through the window, we're looking out on Belvedere Road and

it was a point where Clive was kind of ramping up filming on the Forbidden again,

which had been was a

a thing that was rolling around for a few years and it it it rolled on for a few years beyond that it started out as an adaptation of Christopher Christopher Christopher Marlowe's Dr.

Faustus

the play

to make that as an adaptation for a film even by this time it's become something completely

different

and we're in a flat that two two

two people who were both at Quarry Bank

and were part of the group that had constellated around

Clive.

This was their flat and they'd agreed to let Clive use a room in the flat, as we call them in England, apartment.

And it was completely painted black and that

the circuit, the circles on the window, Clive had put that in there because he wanted sunlight to come in through the window with those patterns.

And we'd painted the floor.

We'd stripped the room back to bare floorboards and painted those

either white or alternately black and white.

What you're seeing on the edge is

the nail board.

as I call it and this was purely a visual idea that Clive wanted to explore in the film.

So I have to always think this

backwards.

He's got a piece of wood and he's painted it white and he's put a gridiron pattern on it

in black

and then at each intersection

he's put in a nail a big thick like a six inch nine inch nail big

chunky nail

and then just filming it flat on and swinging a light

in front of it so that the shadows of the nails moved across the board

like a sundial,

but then developing it in negative

so that now the nails appear as kind of ghostly grey things.

The

shadows are now white shadows on a black background with a white gridiron.

And

the shadows are white, which shadows ought not to be.

And they're moving backwards and forwards on the nailboard.

That's it.

It's just a visual idea.

One of the keys to the way that

Clive works, always worked with his imagination.

There are lots of examples of this.

Nothing's ever wasted.

Nothing's ever forgotten.

Everything's always in there.

So as I say, this is 1976.

Nine years later,

in

no, ten years later, 1986, we're turning the cameras on Hellraiser, and Clive has anthropomorphized the nail board and it's become

the character who had no name who became

known as Pinhead.

It's a wild.

None of the Cenobites have had any name.

In my own head,

Pinhead doesn't.

It was the special effects makeup crew who gave us the names when they were prepping the film because I'm lead Cennobyte and then there's,

you know, was chattering Cennobite.

Yeah, the chatterbox.

I didn't like that guy either.

The fat Cennobite and the female Cennobite.

They needed names, but when they were working on the makeups in the workshop, you know.

Yeah.

Are you working on the lead Cenobite today?

You know, it's a bit.

So they gave us

the names were their nicknames for us.

That's amazing.

Pinhead, Butterball, Chatterer, and the female Cenobite was called Deep Throat.

I didn't know that.

Which

may be the reason why she continued to be credited as the female Cenobite.

But so in the preparation of the film, they had all been talking about

Pinhead and Butterball and Chatterer.

And so when we went on set

that those were the names that were being used.

And they just they they they stuck so that by by the time

certainly Hellbound came out the press were talking about Pinhead.

My gosh.

But but in in my mind,

he has no name.

Nobody ever called him Pinhead in the movies.

He was called a Pinhead.

But as human.

But that's a different

thing.

What was his name as a human?

Spencer Elliott, captain

in the British Army in the First World War.

Old timey.

Yeah,

when we see him at the beginning of Hellbound, it's

probably 1921.

He stayed in the British Army and he's

he would be...

The reason that we see him in tropical uniform is that he's probably now

engaged in putting down the Indian mutinies in the the early 1920s.

There it is.

You get a little clue with the voice on the radio,

which is talking in,

say, Indian, that's ridiculous, there's no such language, but whatever Urdu or Hindi or whatever language it is that you hear, which is just a little clue as to where we are.

Not English, am I right?

And there is his pith helmet.

There is the pith helmet.

And that's why he's got a pith helmet because

he's

out in India.

And there would have been

scenes preceding this

of him in an Indian street bazaar

making his way looking for the place that he's been told sells Lament configurations.

The puzzle boxes.

And then he would have gone in, and then you would have had the standard

Hellraiser transaction.

Yeah,

what's it worth?

worth and all of that

in inside?

Now,

we'd had a big bump up in budget from Hellraiser to Hellbound, but then there was there was a financial crisis, and

as the money was being moved from

Los Angeles to London, the exchange rates went crazy and wiped about a third off the budget by the time the money was in London.

And New World

couldn't make up

the money.

There was even talk about postponing filming until things settled down a bit, but we went ahead.

And so those two scenes prior to this moment,

which

really only

so hard to watch, I still can't.

Only because they um

you know, they they would have required two two sets building and they're only establishing scenes.

Yeah, yeah, you don't need to do that for an establishing scene.

They went, which was a shame.

That would have been nice, but you know, fuck, I forgot.

It was about him.

Oh, I read the novella that that story is based on.

The Hellbound Heart.

Yes.

And it's, I didn't even realize this before because I was always like, well, why do these people want to go to hell?

What the hell is wrong?

Like, what's wrong with you?

What is that?

And in that book, The Hellbound Heart, right?

That's the thing of it.

They're promising him, they kind of trick him, the Cenobites.

They're like, he's assuming he's going to get like lady.

Well, that's what everybody assumes.

That's what Frank assumes

in Hellraiser.

And again, the difference

to

the other movies around at the time are

Pinhead is not a boogeyman.

He's not hiding around the corners in the shadows waiting to jump you.

There's a whole process here.

You have to be

somewhere

fucked up enough in your head that

you become aware of the existence of this thing called the Le Men configuration

and the promise that it's going to give you something beyond.

And Frank has the line, it's never enough.

It's never enough.

And for him, that's all about, you know, sex and drugs.

No matter how much sex he does, no matter how many

quantities of drugs he takes, it's never enough.

And

the Cenobites, the box seem to promise something beyond.

That's Dr.

Faustus.

That's straight out of Faustus.

It's straight out of Marlowe again, where he says

it's not sex and drugs and rock and roll

in Elizabethan England, but

Faustus is saying, he's studied everything.

He's studied the philosophers.

He's studied natural history.

He's studied theology.

He's studied the natural sciences.

He studied everything.

And it's not enough.

Is that all there is?

It's not giving him the answers.

And that's when Mephistopheles appears and says, I can help you with that

for a price.

Your soul.

And so that's that's, you know, that it's a Faustian bargain.

But so you have to

you have to have the motivation to want to find a lament configuration.

I I don't know how, you know, you can't just, you know, I don't know whether now you could go on Amazon.

I've got one in my

lights up, though.

And

you have to obtain it, work out how to open it, solve the damn thing with the right motivation.

It is not hands that call us.

Right.

And then and only then will you meet the centabytes.

But as you say in the hell-bound heart,

that's what Frank assumes.

That it's going to be horny.

Good times.

What Clive does so brilliantly in The Hellbound Heart is that what Frank gets is he gets everything.

He gets everything.

Yes.

All at once, all at the same time.

You know,

he's coming all over the floorboards.

He's got

every song, every piece of music he's ever heard in his life.

in his ears all at the same time

every

All the conversations he's been engaged in and every conversation he's overheard, it's all happening to him all at the same time.

And

Clive says, you know, he could feel

every breath he can feel in his throat, every dust mote on his skin, he's aware of, he's hyper-aware of.

And it's insanity, and he's screaming and begging for it to stop.

And then it does, and he's lying on a heap in a heap on the floor

and the female cenobite is watching him in in a very rude kind of way

brilliantly described by clive in the hellbound heart you know she's just watching him and she's got she's got her legs spread showing everything with these tongues

from that frank has no doubt belonged to people that she has killed, laid out on her thighs.

And she just looks at him and says, so you've you've finished dreaming.

Good.

Now we can play, or time to, which becomes time to play in the movies.

And

that's the kickstart to the hell about heart.

Fucks me up, yeah.

Right?

Like, do you just feel fucked up just hearing that?

But it's a cautionary tale, and it's also about like the hedonic treadmill that you can one can get on instead of just being still and being like, yeah,

you know, it's kind of like I want to tell my dad, like, there's only so many bitches you can fuck.

There's only so many stepmoms I can have.

Right?

You're right.

This is the, this is the story of like.

It's never enough.

You've got to find peace and calm.

It's not, it's not out there.

Nothing is out there.

It's an inside job.

But it's, but it's our curse, isn't it?

Yeah, of course.

We're humans.

It's never enough.

Sucks.

We always want to, you know,

we see a mountain, we want to climb the mountain.

So we climb the mountain, and there's another mountain.

Yeah, so now we have to climb

the mountain.

And oh, look, there's another mountain.

So here we go.

I don't know who was it.

Who has it said that?

What's out there?

Yeah, more.

We'd better build a rocket and go and find out, hadn't we?

We have that.

this insatiable curiosity you know

whales we know are hugely

hugely intelligent I just read this thing about

from

studying whale song they've worked out this process that when whales are migrating they're sometimes not quite sure which way they should go you know like us in cars before GPS do we

do we do we go straight on here or do we make a do we Fred do you remember last year did we go straight?

Well, I think we turned left, I don't think so, I think we were and they will keep this conversation going between themselves

for long periods of time, and they won't make a decision until every whale in the pod has reached an agreement,

which by the sounds they're making are kind of coming together.

And then they make their decision to go.

They're hugely social, hugely intelligent,

and apparently perfectly content to be whales in the ocean.

They come out and breach.

So they obviously have an awareness that there's this other

place up here, but they don't have the desire to, you know, go and build machines to take themselves out

to go and explore.

There isn't a whale yet who said,

Bob, you know when we breach, when we do that jumping up in the air thing, and all the people on the boats take photographs of us?

Yeah.

You want to go and join them?

No.

You know, find out what they're up to, see what they're doing.

I know.

I know, it's like they're.

They don't have that.

They don't have that.

Well, yeah.

I know.

Someone once said to me, like, you know what the reward is for being a successful comedian?

Just more work.

The reward is for being successful.

You just do more of the same shit.

Do it harder, faster, again and again and again.

And yeah, yet

when's your next special out oh

who cares

who cares

listen i i want to do one thing with you since you're from liverpool and by the way i think we have to thank uh your son sage

for hooking us up shout out my stepson yeah um steph's stepson absolutely um sage

thank you because he made you aware of your mom's house well he made super mommy he made made his mom aware of your mom's house.

He's hugely into comedy, massively into comedy.

And he's been listening to Joe Rogan for forever, which

I think is a wonderful thing because he is of the generation that...

doesn't read.

You know, he's of, is it maybe the first generation of Americans who will not have read

Tom Sawyer, will not have read Huckleberry Finn

and probably never will.

What Rogan has done is he's introduced him to the marketplace of ideas.

He's introduced him to this place where people do this.

Yes,

sit and exchange ideas in a civilized manner.

So, Sage,

Sage is hugely into

comedy.

Well, he's got to come out of the world.

And also, also,

he had started listening to YMH, and he said to his mom,

you've got to watch this, your mom's house, because the chick is on there.

She's kind of like

a bit like you.

So Steph started watching, and then from time to time, she'd show me clips

of the craziness.

Yeah, and that's when we started interacting on Instagram a little bit.

And I was like, no way, this guy's guy's fucking crazy.

This guy likes us.

I didn't think Pinhead had a sense of humor, but he does.

Okay, so you're from Liverpool, and I need you to help me decipher what's happening here.

You think you could translate some of this?

I'll try.

Sometimes when I go back to Liverpool now, because

they did this survey recently on regional accents in Britain, and they

they concluded that regional accents are kind of merging, that they're softening, they're losing their edge.

You know, it used to be you could go from one village to another village only a few miles down the road, and

the language and the dialect would change slightly, you know, in an age when 10 miles was a long way, and it was a big deal to make a journey from there to there.

And this was generally true around the country, except in Liverpool, where the accent was getting stronger, was getting more severe.

So sometimes when I'm back in Liverpool, I hear people speaking and I think,

I have no idea what you're saying.

Yeah, yeah, well, listen to this.

See if you can help me, okay?

I'll do my best.

Obviously, you're not going to

be able to do that.

How do you reckon?

How do I deposit it?

Press the spacebar market.

I'm retarded.

So if you go back to the beginning,

they're talking about football.

Okay.

Soccer.

Soccer.

So

the first bit is:

how do you reckon we're going to get on this year, lad?

Or think we're going to go to Wembley again?

I think that's the first two lines.

And then I.

One more time?

So he's

he's an Evertonian.

The guy in the blue supports Everton and the guy in the red supports Levipleton.

He's saying

I think use

and that's

you're gonna draw and get a replay at our ground.

Show me how to pause it.

Hold on, let Tom chastise me a little bit.

Oh,

Belles, Bells.

Bells is dead.

Wow.

Okay, let's.

So

we know we're talking about

football.

Yes.

How do you reckon we're going to get on lad

is

the first line.

I think he's going to go to Wembley again.

And then

I would guess maybe Liverpool and Everton have played

an FA Cup game, a knockout.

game at Anfield.

And so I think the Evertonian is then saying, I think you're going to get a draw and a replay at our ground.

But it's very, very flat and it's very quick.

Well, Joe, I'm going to get online.

The user going to Roller Wembley again.

I'm the user going to get a draw at your ground and get a replay at our place.

What makes you say that?

Because we done it last game, ba, two weeks ago.

What's ba?

Ba, about what that is.

About two weeks ago, maybe.

Cause we've done it about two weeks ago, might be about about

okay let's go to the next clip and put you here

park the bus we played for we played football park the bus is um that's uh that means you you were being you were being very very defensive you so you're going into the game to protect nil-nil

to not concede so it's it's so it's effectively the idea is you've parked parked a bus in front of the goal oh got it got it got got it.

So they can't do the...

Okay, got it.

This is fucking bad.

Parked the bus.

Users celebrating lad like user just won the World Cup.

You nail that, by the way.

I think Joe Bradley.

They do.

That's the thing with Evertonians.

They get a fucking draw.

They think they've won.

That's the truth of it.

They did last season.

They beat us to all at Goodison.

And they were.

No,

it was late on, you know, in our inexorable march to winning the title for the 20th time.

We drew two all at Goodison against Evaton.

Yeah, you're speaking, it's like Chinese, the good old and Levisted.

I'm celebrating fucking talking.

So that's what he's saying.

Got a draw and use celebrating like he'd won the World Cup.

Okay.

That was really good.

Try this guy, okay?

You did did that one really, really well.

This one is probably

the hardest in YMH history.

And we're here in Killarney because we've been invited by a very special character.

I hear he's a local legend.

And I'm sorry.

Sham, how are you?

We're here in Killarney today.

Are you from Killarney?

Born and bred.

Born and bred in Killarna.

Born and bred and Kalani.

So

it's a place that we would know as Kalani.

I mean,

I'm out of my depth here, but

he's pronouncing Kalani as Kalani.

Kalani.

Kalani.

Barn and bred and Kalani.

Okay.

With not very many teeth in his head, which doesn't help.

But

I think the guy interviewing him, who is Irish, I think he's struggling a bit.

Well, they all are.

Okay, so let's keep going.

What's your favorite thing about Killarney?

Timmy Connor, my best senior.

Good player.

Good player.

Somebody's a good player.

Oh, yes.

He may be called O'Connor.

I think I may have caught that.

O'Connor.

The player is O'Connor?

Maybe.

Yeah.

I wouldn't.

I don't.

Otherwise, I have not got a clue

not a clue

okay

I mean this is your regular spot we're in O'Connor's bar

oh we're in O'Connor's bar

oh I moved around

you moved around a lot I made Legacy talk

he did what

I don't I don't I'm not a bit worried about that one this guy's and there's the harsh racing going on in the background oh yeah

on the television.

The horses.

I fucking hate horses.

I know you hate horses.

I don't know what I'm about to horses.

They love them.

I fucking hate them.

They love the horses.

I wish they would all fucking die.

I love the horses.

I wish they would all get murdered, sister.

That's an awful thing to say.

Well, I don't give a shit.

What does a horse ever done?

They've stepped on me.

They make bad smells.

Well, get out of the way.

I don't fucking like them.

You have a fart microphone, and you're complaining about horses making bad smells.

Okay, one last...

tell me if you can like decipher what the fuck.

From where I was sitting, that looked to me like a terrible golden pause.

That's the first game of the season.

This is North London.

This is actually the area of London that I lived in for 30 years.

And it's Arsenal.

And the guy interviewing at the beginning is saying, now,

the North London accent has become something very, very specific because it has absorbed an awful lot of influences from waves of immigration.

The guy doing the interviewing looks to me as though he may be of

British Caribbean background, and the guy that's being interviewed looks as though he may be of Middle Eastern extraction.

I'm guessing wildly.

The guy in the middle looks,

you know,

English.

and the the the accent has absorbed all those elements you can hear how

he he has a very the guy on the right the scarf around his neck he's got a very

very

pronounced North London accent and

you've also a lot of a lot of

Greeks and then

Turkish people coming in and they've they've all brought their own inflections: Indian,

Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, and it's become very much a soup.

So, you're getting you're getting

looked to me like a basic goalkeeping era.

You gotta hear this.

And I can't quite.

I need my, I'll call my daughter.

She understands this lingo a bit better than I do.

This is so funny.

You understand?

I'm asking you.

Now, blood.

He keeps calling him blood.

Motivation blood.

Motivation blood.

You You hear?

You hear how that's almost like a Caribbean note in the

mortivation blood.

What's he doing, blood?

What's he doing?

So blood is like, bro.

What did he do, blood?

What did he do, blood?

What did he even do?

What are they doing in the board, Blood?

What are they doing?

I'm not the only man getting imaginable, blood.

Everyone's mad here, fam.

You understand?

May a man come here and waste their money, blood.

You understand?

Every week, blood.

You understand?

The most expensive season ticket, blood.

We won a London Derby this year, fam.

We won a London Derby this year, blood.

That's Arsenal playing Spur or playing other teams from London.

Who else we done?

Who?

No one, fam.

This team is dead, fam.

No one, fam.

Who's done who?

Who?

No one, blood.

No one blood.

We come here every week.

Set a man go home and away, blood.

Set a man go Europe fam.

For this blood.

Fam.

Come on.

Set the man go Europe.

You see,

that's like a Jamaican

thing.

I love it.

It's like a patois, right?

Is that the word?

I don't even know.

And it's so it's this.

It's this great.

It is an unimaginable melting pot

in London.

And

all those linguistic elements have

found their way into

the accent.

Yeah, it is becoming way more diverse in London.

Wow.

Thank you so much for joining.

Also, just know that

Doug does these conventions where you can actually talk to him and he's so sweet.

You're so kind with your fans, and you spend time with people talking to people, and I think that's lovely.

So, people can see you at a horror convention.

Sure, where am I going to be next?

In September, I'll be in

Albuquerque.

Oh,

I don't have my phone on me, so I can't check the dates to be precise.

But in September, I'll be in Albuquerque and also

at a convention called Silver Scream, which is in Worcester, Massachusetts.

Worcester.

Worcester.

Worcester.

That's like an hour out of Boston.

Okay.

Worcester.

And in October,

I will be

in Lexington, Kentucky.

Oh, Sexy Lexington.

Also, check him out on YouTube.

Doug does this great thing where he reads Christmas stories.

Well, at Christmas, I do.

Yeah, I love that.

For the rest of the year, I don't read.

I don't read.

I don't think we should all year, though.

You just want me to read Christmas stories all the time.

I would love to hear your cool accent.

Check him out on YouTube also.

You should join my TikTok.

I read classic horror stories.

I love them.

It's a thing I've always done.

Steph thinks I'm slightly mad because I'm always reading to myself aloud.

But I always.

That's fun.

I always did that since I was a boy.

So it was, you know, kind of a

lockdown thing, and it was Sir Patrick Stewart who gave me the kind of idea for it because during lockdown

he did this great thing of reading a Shakespeare sonnet every day and going through Shakespeare's complete sonnet cycle.

And he's just sitting in an armchair.

See, there's me reading a Halloween story.

I love that.

Not just a Christmas story.

I love that.

I want you on TikTok.

But the first one is a Christmas story because Pinhead puts his Santa hat on for Christmas.

I love that.

So

those are on there.

And there's also, I recorded a huge cycle of classic horror stories called Spine Chillers, which you can buy at the store on my website.

So dougbradley.com forward slash store.

Ignore the website because it's horribly out of date and I'm faintly embarrassed by it.

Just go to the store.

I like it.

Is that a severed hand?

I like that.

Yeah, that's cool.

Shit.

Hey, man, I like it.

Well, awesome.

So they can check out your website and find all that stuff.

Thank you so much again for coming to Austin.

Oh, not at all.

Thank you so much.

This has been

beyond a pleasure.

It's been

so much fun.

It's been so fun.

And I just want to leave on this.

Blood, fun, blood, fun, blood, blood, blood, fun, blood, blood, blood, fun, blood, blood, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.

You understand?

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, fan, blood, blood.

You also have to understand that these are Arsenal fans.

And, you know,

I do seriously think that being an Arsenal fan should be classified as a mental disorder.

They're not.

They're not normal.

They're not quite right in the head.

They don't perceive reality quite as you and I do.

They do not.

Well, on that note.

They're very troubled individuals.

I'm so sorry if you're an Arsenal fan.

Liverpool.

Thank Thank you so much.

All right, mommies.

Just a quick note, you won't see me for quite a while.

I'm going to have my top surgery tomorrow.

I'm so nervous.

They're going to take the fat from my belly and they're going to make boobs.

And, you know, I've had so many pairs of boobs now.

I'm, I'm, like, triple trans at this point.

I don't know what I'm considered.

But next time you see me, I'll have a new rack.

I'm going to go for cute little French girl titties because they still can gain, you can still gain weight because it's your belly fat okay but I'll be out for like gosh I don't know maybe six weeks I hope so next time

what happens

will I get big black tits I hope so what if I wake up well only if only if you've got a big black belly presumably

what if I'm like I want a big black one that doesn't mean this

wouldn't that be fun or I show her a picture she's like because your surgeon's like what kind of tits do you want and I actually did find a picture of a black woman and I was like but but my surgeon's black too so I didn't want to sound racist and be like, can I just have the boobs, but not the color?

Do these come in another color?

Yeah, can we do this in a lighter hue?

But I really like the shape of these.

What?

But

so won't you have two sort of conical-shaped holes in your belly?

Oh, no.

So we'll do this.

Two boob-shaped holes.

Can we do this real fast and then we'll get out?

You got to see it.

It's called the deep flap.

D-I-E-P.

I'm sorry.

Flap.

No, don't be.

You're going to throw up.

Hey, I get to to horrify.

Oh!

This is a dream.

Okay, so pull up like drawings or images of it.

This surgery, first of all, it's going to take two plastic surgeons to do it simultaneously.

It's a 10-hour surgery.

So they take the fat from my belly because I don't have tits anymore.

There's just bags of, you know, it's just implant because I had a double mastectomy.

So they'll take the fat from my belly.

They cut, they carve it out like that.

God, it's so hellraiser-y.

And then they're going to put put it in my tit.

They're going to rip the skin off of it and put the fat in my boob and then zip it up.

And then

I'll have a few revision surgeries, I guess.

And then they give you a tummy tuck.

Sorry, long story short,

they'll tuck my tummy.

So I'll have a flat stomach for the first time since I was 12 years old, which is going to be really exciting for me.

And you don't gain weight in your stomach again because they take out all the fat cells, which is cool.

And I can still gain weight in my boobs because it's belly fat.

Yeah, there's the live pictures.

Does that gross you out or are you immune to it because you're pinhead?

When you look at those bloody photos?

I don't think it's anything to do with being pinhead.

I'm not.

It's staggering.

It really is.

I'm not grossed out by it, but I had

no idea that this was a thing.

Yeah.

That's astonishing.

It's astonishing.

And they used to, when you had a double mastectomy, they used to just take everything and leave you flat.

So now they can spare your nipples.

But I

long story, you don't want to spare your nipple, it's too much of a hassle.

Um, they can, so they just put a bag in there and they spared the skin, and then now they can do that because you don't want just an implant with no fat around it because that's what I have right now, and it looks so weird, just looks like droopy, and no, it looks like Soprano's tits, like you know, when you go to the to his strip club, and like oh, he knows exactly

like those hard to early 2000 tits, that's what I have right now.

The

Bada Bing.

The Bada Bang.

Yeah.

It's like I could work at the Bada Bing.

My current set of tits.

So I'm going to get some naturals again.

Well, let me know if you're working at the Bada Bing.

You got it.

I'll come and give you some dollar bills.

Thank you.

The oldest stripper with deep flap cancer tits.

How depressing.

Scars and shit.

The only white chick in New Jersey with black boobs.

Come and see me.

The only white girl in New Jersey with black boobs.

I think you'll do well.

That'd be so great.

And this is tomorrow?

Yeah, dude.

You're awfully kind of what the fuck are you doing?

Blood.

Talking to me.

Blood.

Because, fam, blood.

10 hours?

Bro, I know, homie.

I'm like, what are you thinking, fam?

Fam, fam.

Listen,

if I'm not here talking to you, mate, mate.

I'm Australian again.

If I'm not here talking to you, I'm home fucking pacing the floors.

No, I know.

And I don't want to fucking do that, bro.

I'd rather be here trying to be funny and getting out of my own head.

And then I'll take some Xanax later.

I understand that, girl, yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell is right, man.

I was like Irish.

Do it again.

Fucking down.

No, I was doing Liverpool.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell, girl.

Fucking hell, girl.

Yeah, 10 hours.

10 hours, two surgeons.

And it's a micro surgery, so my.

Do they

one take over from the other?

They can't.

They tag team, bro.

They have to they tag team my tips sharing the driving

yeah well one of them my top surgeon she'll do it with like special

i guess micro whatever goggles so they can they can connect the blood vessels

it is wild fam I know

I know I wanted I want to start an OnlyFans page just so I can show people my deep flap tits the only the only way that the only way that you would really impress pinhead yeah would be if you were going to be conscious throughout throughout.

Our suffering would be legendary.

Jesus wept.

Oh, the pain.

The suffering.

The sweet, sweet suffering.

All right, on that note,

I love you.

You're the best.

Shout out to Sage.

Shout out to Steph.

Thank you so much.

I love you guys.

All right.

I'll see you next time with my new black tits.

Bye, guys.

Bye.

You did this, look what you've done.

You pushed and pushed, and now it's come to this.

It's maddening, and it's all your fault.

You asked for it, so here it is.

You deserve it, all the kicks, the screams, the blood.

It's all for you, All for you.

All for you.

All for you.

All for you.

Did you think would happen?

Will you walk again?

Talk again?

We hope not.

Will I drop it on your head?

Can a knife punch on your side?

I have a bat that would like to meet your face.

You deserve it all.

It's all for you.

Your smile doesn't fool us.

We watch you flail in the deep water.

That's when you grasp our air.

We chill it, kick it, push.

You fight to live, so we push you under again.

I tried to make it work.

I listened, then I gave you chances.

But you wanted something else.

I feel with glee as your inside smell.

This fist is for you.

This plate is for you.

Tie it to a post, watch the birds eat away.

You go up in flames, you suffer finally.

I did it all for you, all for you, all for you,

all for you, all for you, all for you.

You can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it

That was so good in your heart that was

I'm proud of you, proud of you, proud of you

Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, a million times I'm sorry, Lucy is just like hot, but she insignificant

wet with tears from my eye My master is upset, and I don't know why.

Is it something I did?

Is it something I said?

Daily shame, embarrassed myself, holding bread.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Afraid, afraid, afraid.

Afraid to be sorry, sorry to be afraid.

When you're depanded, here's the breakfast, and for lunch, I squirrel the second.

After some thought, it all becomes clear.

I'm a dumb freaking idiot.

That's a ball here.

I put the wrong drops, I voted out my mom.

Those are just two things I knew very wrong.

It's not your fault that you wished I would die.

I'm just an outsider, don't give shit.

Inside, I'm all out of words.

Nothing else to do except apologize for being an imbecile.

I breathe you.

I'm sorry, Mr.

Tom.

I do better, do better, do better, do better, do better.

I'm proud of you, proud of you, proud of you, proud of you.