Charo Returns… And She's Got A New Show! | Your Mom's House Ep. 821

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

And

welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House.

I'm Tom.

She's Christine.

And joining us is one of our all-time favorite guests.

You know her as my mom.

It's Charo.

Real exciting news that we want to,

get into more of it, but just so that everybody knows,

Charo, my mom, has a new podcast, and it comes out tomorrow

here on the YMH Studios YouTube channel.

You can get it wherever you get podcasts.

You can listen to it everywhere.

It is called Mui Mucha Charo, and it is debuting tomorrow.

So make sure you check it out.

Charo, thank you for coming.

Tommy, thank you for inviting me.

You got to sit a a little bit closer.

There you go.

Tommy, thank you for inviting me.

Christina.

Yes.

Thank you for being here.

Of course.

I'm thrilled to have you.

We had a lovely dinner last night at the home.

It was the best.

Jane, you, the kids.

It really was.

Cat.

It was all of us and Tommy watching us.

Yeah.

Which enhances the pleasure of the dinner when he saw us.

You think so?

Yes.

Why does it make you feel pressured?

It makes me feel happy.

Oh, excited.

I put more bites.

Because you can see me?

Yes.

Watching you.

Yes.

How come?

It's just a pleasure.

I can't even describe it.

You're sitting there and I'm having filet mignon,

lasagna,

every type of espagi, every kind of vegetable that I share with everybody because I'm very nice.

50 desserts.

And you're watching.

Not eating.

Not a bite.

And that made you happy.

Yes.

That sounds like something that somebody really well adjusted would say.

Actually, I envy you.

Really?

I would love to do what you did, but I'm trying to picture myself one day, no eating.

Yeah,

I would be the most miserable person.

You will send me back to Vero.

Cristina will be clapping of joy.

Finally, we find the excuse.

And I said, No way, I won't do that.

Salo.

Salo.

Yeah.

There you go.

That laugh sounds very affirmative.

Ta-da there, Richard.

Hey,

hold on.

Whose idea was it for you to move to Texas?

This guy.

Don't forget that.

I was the one that was like, you know, it would be lovely is to have Jane and Charo here in Austin with us nearby.

Oh, that is true.

But how many times...

people changed their minds and I said, why in the world did I do that?

Oh, is that why I invite you to the home every Sunday for dinner?

No, that's not.

Every Sunday for dinner, you are.

I am physically forcing you.

You're forcing me?

Yeah, because I keep saying at what time today I want you to do that.

Nam, hat, name.

This is fake news.

I invite you every Sunday.

That is true.

I'm now forcing.

That is true.

Now, the truth, Balga.

She's absolutely right.

She invites me every Sunday.

She does nothing but give us love.

Thank you.

And then you still misgender my cat.

You call Munchkin Mooshi.

It's called Mushi, and you're not going to change it.

and that mushy is a perfect cat but they gave me a perfect dog yeah mushy piece on the toilet my dog the one that you guys gave me put in my house

so it's an even trade yeah it is an even trade yeah yeah but i love that dog anyway are the headphones supposed to sit on the face or are they supposed to be

more over just like the ears

Ah,

now I feel weird.

That feels weird.

I feel like I have a facelift.

You look great.

Yeah.

So I know what I did.

I need to do this and I just.

Yeah, I would just wear those 24-7.

Why not?

Yeah.

You look good.

I look good.

I try good.

I exercise all the time.

Do you?

What's your routine like?

Well, I get up and I go and get coffee and I walk all the way to my room.

Oh, so back and forth.

Well, I start like that and I do it again.

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

How about the hill?

I know you were upset

that there's a hill that you have to drive to go to the grocery store.

Honestly,

it still scares me.

The hill.

So I parked the car like

four steps up

and I walk to the steps and I go up.

She's talking about the hill that you drive out of the neighborhood on, not your driveway.

To go to the grocery store.

Oh, because you have to go down the one hill.

It is scary, but I'm getting used to it.

Nice.

I'm getting used to.

Well, there's a lot of exciting stuff we have to go over with you today.

Okay.

And of course, the huge news is that you have a new podcast.

So we'll get into that in a moment.

But to get us started, let's open the show with an opening clip.

Hey!

Oh my gosh.

It almost looked like mine.

Oh, fuck.

This is so disgusting.

How many babies are in there?

Is this real?

Looks appear so.

How do you survive like this?

Oh, yeah.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

See?

Time out, put him in.

You have to honor the music.

Listen to the music.

Feel it.

Okay, now time out.

Yeah, what's up?

No, go ahead.

This is not recorded.

No.

It's a question.

Can I talk about your lipstick?

Yeah.

Okay.

Go ahead and talk about it.

I can't.

You haven't even turned this on.

Turn what on?

The microphone?

I saw you told me nobody's listening.

No, you can talk to me about my lipsticks.

The lipstick company that I have, ChristinaP.com, you can buy all four colors right now: Perfect Red, Atomic Red, Berlin, and Madison.

Get all four for the lady in your life.

They are the best.

They are literally the best.

That's what I want to talk about.

It's insane.

The high quality.

And can I tell you why they're so high quality?

I import them from an Atelier in Italy.

So this isn't some American schlock brand.

This is European,

beautifully crafted stuff.

Okay, I want to buy it.

High quality, babe.

So I can buy them right now?

Absolutely.

ChristinaP.com.

Okay.

Christina P.

Christina P.

So you were helping me last night develop my next line of products that I will be putting out very soon.

That is going to be great.

And you helped me decide which colors, which textures you liked.

And I love them all.

I do too.

It's so exciting what I'm going to do next.

I can't wait.

I'm excited for you too.

By the way, you do look great.

The makeup looks great.

Your jacket.

Where did you get that jacket?

It's beautiful.

Oh, yeah, it's imported from Germany.

From Germany?

Wow.

Not really known for the fur.

That's good.

Is that squirrel?

Squirrel fur?

Well, the squirrels are not green.

What's green?

Nothing is green.

The leaves are green.

Right.

Okay.

So this is a.

Thank you, thank you.

Yeah, wow.

I have to show this up.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

The more you could whisper away from the mic, the better.

I will try my best to scream from now on.

There you go.

Can you hear yourself in your ears?

No, I can hear you.

You don't hear yourself?

You can hear yourself?

No, I can't.

Oh, that's the problem.

However, Ciro, can you hear yourself?

Yes, I can.

Okay, there we go.

So, um, I have to be everybody.

This first clip is my buddy Bert.

That's Bert right there, laying on his back with his belly out.

I used to see you, yeah.

I told me, that's terrible.

Yeah,

that's not Bert.

That's Bert.

Yeah, yeah, he's he's a big drinker.

This is Bert now, yeah, yeah, that's sad, yeah.

Okay, that's a joke.

That's not true.

That is true.

That is

him.

He lost a lot of weight before.

Yeah.

And then he kind of swung the other way.

How does he manage to walk?

It's challenging, but he's doing it.

He's actually shooting a show right now.

Well, he does have

diabetes.

He's going to have one of his legs amputated, unfortunately, because, look, he's laying down there.

He can't walk very well.

Are you serious?

seriously.

Yes, yes, yeah, he has to amputate one of them.

They're gonna amputate one of his legs.

I know,

this is horrible.

I know,

great guy, though.

Oh, he's a superb nice guy.

He's a really nice guy.

I feel sorry for his wife.

I feel sorry for him.

You know what he does?

He also, like you, eats candy in bed.

Yeah.

Starburst.

He's a big sugar guy.

Loves candy.

So am I.

Yeah.

He likes drinking and he likes, he likes sweets.

Okay, which reminds me of I need to immediately change my style of living.

Yeah, this is the time to.

Everyone's like, you hit 81.

It's out.

It's time to get.

I am not 81.

How old are you?

How old are you?

80.

That's old enough to don't rush me.

Yeah.

81, by the way.

I want

this.

What?

That's the Reddit thread.

Is Bert dying?

I am.

I know.

It's terrible.

Yeah, it's so red.

I was talking.

His eyes are barely open.

So much so.

Oh, yeah, I am talking.

He's got that drink.

He's got the drink in his hand.

Okay, I'm stopping.

I'm staring off it.

Okay, I won't talk anymore.

That's such a great photo.

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I don't usually do this.

What's that?

To have a guest and acknowledge.

Oh, watch this.

Watch this.

She passed away, unfortunately.

She passed away during the national anthem.

Let's see.

You know who else is 81?

Barry Manilow.

And he's still doing his shows in Las Vegas.

And I can send you to one.

It's really good.

We have some clips.

You want to see what he's doing?

Because if his show

is any sign what your podcast is going to be like, it's going to be a fun time.

Okay.

Okay.

That's the show?

Yeah.

What does it take to have a show in Pegas?

Well, I mean, this, first of all, he's got some nice work done on his face.

It is good work.

And

he needs to blend the orange into the neck.

Yeah, but I want to have a show like that.

Well, here, there's more.

There's more.

Would you date him?

He's your peer.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

I won't date him, but I will imitate him.

Yeah, I think I have my own show.

Frankie Valley's got a show too.

You can check that out.

He's 97.

He's in his 90s.

Holy shit.

And he still has a show?

Yeah.

It's a good show, too.

Why don't I have a show in Vegas?

You can't.

I mean, maybe the podcast is like what's going to get you the show.

That would be cool.

What would you do on your Vegas show?

I will invite you over.

You know what you can start doing?

Because you're doing the podcast.

You know what's really big with this generation right now?

What?

They're called fit checks.

You know what a fit check is?

No, cool.

So you set up your camera and then you would show off your, you go fit check and you would show your outfit today, like this chick here.

Do you guys like my outfit?

What about this?

Do you like this?

Yeah, well,

I wouldn't.

But she's like the great thing to like inspire because you already have the second part and if you start doing fit checks.

Can I tell you something?

You would sell out

Vegas with this act.

If I don't.

But you're already known as the fart mistress.

Imagine going to Vegas so I can fart in front of the cameras.

Oh, so awesome.

You're huge.

It's selling out.

You have huge audiences.

You'd have a contract to win.

I'm not kidding.

You guys are so low.

I can't believe you're suggesting for me to go on TV, not only on TV, on Vegas, and fart on the cameras because I already have an audience.

I mean, yes,

this is killing me.

Trying to get my mom a career is supposed to be something I feel bad about.

That type of career, yes.

Okay.

It feels like you're not being grateful.

You know, you already have fans here, right?

You have fans in the audience, too.

Do you know that somebody sent in a message because they're interested in meeting you?

Oh, wow.

Potential suitor?

No way.

Check this out.

Hey, baby, how are you?

Hi, baby.

I would like to meet up.

I want to meet you.

You're awesome.

Bye now.

Well, that was for you.

Because it came in our inbox, and he said this is for Charo.

He couldn't dress any better than that.

Well, I think he was just inspired in the moment, you know.

Okay.

I like his outfit.

What kind of guy would you be into?

I feel like he's a pretty great candidate, though.

I mean, he looks like he's in good shape.

He's really into you, which is important.

You want the guy to like you more than you like them, you know?

100%.

Is that you think that's true?

that's a quick question you think that was us no

no

you think you love me more than i love you

he was crazy about you was

crazy about you before you even look at him really

yes i'm a witness if he denies it

i am a witness

witness witness witness so this is the guy you're going to get from me Yeah.

Can we respond?

Yeah.

Why don't you do this?

So, I think that's your camera.

Will you say something back to him?

Does he have a name inside?

George.

No, I'm not going to say George because he said hi, baby.

Okay, then say whatever you want to say back.

But say it into that camera.

Hi, baby.

Next time, if you don't mind to sit up and put some clothes on,

maybe I will get into you too and I would like to meet you.

We start as a friends, and God knows where we go.

But just do it properly, not laying down in a tissue that is not appealing to me.

Bye.

Hey, that was really good.

That was really cool.

We'll send that right back to him.

He'll like that.

He'll like that.

So let's get into this because the people are dying to know.

Tell us about the podcast.

What's the podcast like?

You've been doing it here.

Tell us.

What's going on on the podcast?

The podcast is something I wasn't expecting, number one.

So I come here, I sit down,

and I have no idea what to talk about because here is a podcast, I'm talking to myself.

So I guess I start by telling them my story,

how I met my husband.

It's kind of hard for me.

Yeah.

That's it.

It's a really good sales job on

getting people to want to listen.

Thank you for that.

I would recommend you to listen if you want to know something about my life.

But if you think you're going to laugh, I hate to disappoint you.

That is not

accurate or effective, what you're doing.

Just so you know, you would be definitely dropped if you were

trying to like keep a job somewhere.

But here, we have a little trailer that we made to get the audience excited about my mom, Charles' new podcast called Mui Mucha Charo.

Here

you go.

This summer,

the fart mistress,

Senora Tetas, my only font.

Mom's moving in and she's bringing the spice.

Are you retarded?

You'll laugh.

She'll cry.

Crying?

She'll make this noise.

Coming soon to YMH Studios.

Make it sexy.

Muy muchacharo.

Well, hello, everybody.

Look at her face.

Yeah, that's awesome.

You look awesome.

You look great.

You do.

By the way, you do not look 81 years old.

80!

You look amazing.

Yeah, you look great.

You look really good.

You have no wrinkles on your face.

Well, the camera can't do any tricks.

No, I mean, I'm looking at you in real life.

You look amazing.

Can I tell you the truth?

You kind of do look like Barry Manilow.

Like, if you look at this clip and then

you guys kind of look similarly.

Holy shit.

You're right.

You guys do look alike.

Maybe you guys are related.

Is he Peru?

Maybe I do that in my next podcast.

Hmm?

Maybe I do that in my next podcast.

That'd be a great thing.

I mean, you could wear that jacket.

You could definitely do those moves.

He's got great cheekbones like you too.

Yeah.

Done.

Done.

Done.

Holy shit.

You guys are twinning.

So that's the podcast, the preview.

You are announcing about my podcast, and all you are showing is my previous stuff that had nothing to do with my podcast.

No, it's called a teaser trailer.

So what we did was just kind of like get people excited about the talent involved, which is you, since the talent is unqualified to promote themselves.

So, we

put together a little reel

to promote themselves.

Yeah, we did it ourselves because we knew you would do what you just did.

So, yeah, there's that.

Yeah, me and him.

You and Barry.

Now, you've been in Austin now

about seven months.

Yes.

How are you liking it?

I like Austin a lot.

I love going to see you guys.

I love having the family close.

I love everything about Austin, but I'm still scared to drive.

Yeah, that's normal, though.

Tommy, it's seven months, like you said.

I know, but aren't you making a little bit of progress in that?

Yeah, I look for somebody to take me.

Oh.

Well, do you think you could throw yourself into it a little more?

I throw myself the call to let you know that there is an accident in the road where you should come.

Well, that's not throwing throwing yourself into it.

Throwing yourself into it is like

throwing yourself into it.

Well, it's an expression.

It means that, like, today, for instance, you could go home and go, I'm going to drive,

you know,

five blocks further than I normally would.

And you start to make progress that way.

The next day, you go a little further, like, you know, throw yourself into it.

That's a good idea.

Well, there you go.

You could try that.

Did you drive before when you lived in Florida?

In Vero?

Yeah.

I drove a lot.

So what's the difference?

This is the difference.

Vero doesn't have spaceways or highways or the Mopac or of a San.

I was in the Mopac.

I didn't tell you what I did.

But anyway,

you take your left or you take your right.

You go straight.

You take your left and you arrive at your destination.

That's how it is.

Well, you don't have to take Mopac to get.

Because you guys literally live just down the street from like you got everything.

You got the grocery store, you got the Starbucks, you got the thing.

Yeah, there's no highways to get there.

There's no highways, bro.

Okay, TO.

TO, go ahead.

I decided I need to mail a letter that I never arrived and it was important to send it.

So I put it in an envelope.

I got out.

I said, I'm going to be brave because I asked Jenny, she will do it.

And she told me, You can do it.

It's close.

So I put my

comuse

to take me to the closest post office.

Okay?

Take Note secuanto, go to your right.

Once you're in your right, turn to your left, keep going,

take your left, take your right, and then all of a sudden I am in the expressway.

So I am in the expressway, corazón de zus tier tra.

Let me make it to the post office.

Yeah.

I don't know how many.

And then you get out of that expressway to take you to a different expressway.

Now you go to, I think it's 183, and then you keep going, and then you take your left.

And I say, what in the world?

20 minutes driving for the post office.

Can I tell you something?

This is the beginning of the end.

You got to face this fear.

My mom,

well, I turned 28, put it this way.

I turned 28.

I was working in Burbank, California.

My mother calls me.

She goes, I cannot come see you for your birthday.

I said, why?

I cannot drive on the freeway.

And there is no parking in Burbank.

I'm like, this is patently false.

There's nothing but parking.

in Burbank.

And can I tell you, it was that stuff, the first of the, I can't go on the freeway.

I get, you get scared, and then, and then she became a shut-in.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Well, yeah, you're already well on your way, though.

You think you're a shut-in already?

This is and the 40, how many years I'm being in the United States?

115, yeah.

And the 50 years I'm being in

and the 50 years I'm being in United States, I have never, ever, ever gotten any expressway.

Yeah, this is very, very far along.

I mean, also don't forget this is something

very high in withdrawal.

Very high in avoidance.

You know what I mean?

So I came to Austin to go to the post office and I ended in the expressway.

You've never driven on a freeway in Expressway.

Ever, never.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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I think it's time we break this.

This isn't.

You want to be in the news about your sister-in-law?

Your sister-in-law?

What?

I'm not her.

Your mother-in-law, yeah.

Your mother-in-law, which is worse.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, we push her to get in there.

Yeah.

And now we give her a nice goodbye.

Lots of flowers there.

You got to drive on the freeway.

You got to drive on the freeway.

Why don't you have a drink before to relax you a little bit?

You really want to finish with me.

Not only get in the freeway, but be sure to have a drink before to relax you so you're not so nervous.

Or take a Xanax or five.

Just take anything that puts me to sleep.

We should do it in a car that can move, too.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, let's get you in something that rips.

Rips.

Like a Ferrari or something?

McLaren?

To do it with a pill and just finish with me instead of making me the car, go into the whole process.

Why do you think we want you dead?

Yeah.

We've got nothing to gain by your death.

You know that?

We don't want your money.

We don't want my painting.

Hold on.

I did get your painting.

You get my painting.

The beautiful homeless man that I've been admiring for 25 years.

Itomi takes the painting.

I got the homeless guy.

You take the painting with me.

What's the artist's name?

Again?

I'm sorry.

Victor Martinez.

Will you look up Victor Martinez's homeless man painting?

I'm just curious.

Homeless gun painting.

That's not going to come.

It's not going to come.

I don't know.

It's not going to come like put Victor Martinez and paintings.

Painters, he says.

Painter, yeah.

Artist.

Artist, yeah.

And let her know.

Yeah.

There's this haunting painting that I've been admiring for so many years in your home.

And she just said that she'd give it to me, but that was three days ago, and so far it's not in our house.

She didn't say she'd give it to me.

Can I have it already?

She says, I want this.

No.

And I said, that's not how it happened.

That's not him.

Oh, my gosh.

That is not how it happened.

I want this for my birthday.

I do.

Yeah, you say it.

Where is it?

My birthday was in June.

That's what I mean.

It has to come because your birthday was in June and I didn't give you a gift.

Where's my painting?

Come on get it.

That's the one I think.

The one that's dead, right?

Malaga.

Victor Martinez Malaga.

Isn't that him?

Can I see him?

No.

Yeah.

He's Peruvian.

He died?

Is this the one?

I know as Victor Martinez.

I didn't know the Malaga part.

Oh, okay.

I don't know.

Maybe it's a different Martinez.

No, it's called just Victor Martinez.

Oh, probably the one that you found the result where it said born in 1932.

The.

That should be the one.

That's the one?

I think.

Yes, because of the.

Oh, yeah, because look at the homeless person behind the picture.

That's what he was looking.

Yeah.

It's perfect.

And it's neat because this guy drew four portraits of the same homeless man.

And I find his eyes haunting.

I have for years, and I would just love to have that.

He's amazing.

Yeah.

That painting talks to you.

I never saw a painting that is so

it looks like a picture.

What does it say to you?

What do you feel?

I'm saying, what is it?

What does it do for you?

Like it's a poor person.

And you like it because you can go, I'm not poor like you, Dernet.

And you feel better about yourself.

I look at him and I said, if you will only know my sister-in-law.

Sister.

Excuse me.

Well, it's like a sister.

We're almost the same age.

It's only 50 years difference.

So you know, if you will know her.

Wait, soft, speak softer.

Excuse me, if you will only know

my daughter-in-law.

Yeah.

She's so sexy.

And she says you're the better painter ever.

She's stealing the paintings from my house.

Stealing the paintings.

Since there is no way to get you.

But you are the best.

Now, can we publish a little bit about you and your fame?

Because she's a little bit ignorant, but we're going to teach her.

He lived for a while in Las Vegas, by the way.

No, you're famous.

No, no, no, no, in Los Angeles.

Oh, he did?

No.

Yeah.

Here, check this out, mom.

Oh, damn.

So, this guy

trains dogs.

He can train your dogs

to go outside.

You hear that, Pedro?

So, we haven't seen him in years.

This guy.

Okay.

Yeah.

We haven't seen him in years.

And he would do stuff like this.

Like, make these videos.

Oh, man.

I know.

So

he trains his dog this way.

The dog loves it.

Wait, do you see him?

But do you ever elevate the quality of your show?

But it's always going to be fart and pedos and.

Well, I'm trying to tell you something.

I'm trying to share something with you.

You see him, right?

You see him?

Yes, I see his butt.

I don't see him.

So, oh, here, like here.

This is his old

fartism, stock.

That doesn't make me laugh.

It's Christmas.

It's a Christmas.

It's Christmas.

So he's farting in the stockings.

Okay?

Okay.

Hold on, let him go.

Hold on, hold on.

That's right.

Gaka.

No.

But you see what he looks like, is my point, right?

And this is how we knew him.

And we knew him like this

before Ellis was born.

That's how long ago.

We've had a relationship.

And then he kind of, we didn't hear from him.

And we didn't see him forever.

And then two weeks ago, he re-emerged.

Look at him now.

Next time, we're just going to put all these in a funnel and just funnel it down my throat and gulp pudding all fucking day.

The world is upside down.

Isn't that crazy?

Look how much bigger he is.

Do you notice the difference?

This is the same guy.

Same guy.

I

Yeah, he's doing stuff like this now, making a fortune.

Making a fortune because people want to watch him eat.

Kind of makes you think, right?

It makes you think.

So I should be yet farthing on eating.

We've been in the middle of the day for years.

Yes.

Also, you're already 81.

It's like,

how much is it?

I never hit anybody before.

Why slow things down?

The time is now, Trump.

Yeah.

The time is over.

There you are.

You're on the freeway.

Pretty exciting.

You look great in that

car.

Why won't you get me

a convertible?

Hell yeah.

It's such a good idea.

But you have to go on Mopac with it.

Yeah.

If we get you a convertible, you have to drive on Mopac.

It's a promise.

Do you want to see this prank?

No, I want to talk about cars now.

Okay.

Cars.

Okay.

What is the car that I have to.

huh?

I want to talk about a car that I would like to have.

The cat?

You want to talk about a cat you would like to have?

A car.

Oh, a car, okay.

How about a convertible?

Maybe I do.

Yeah, those are cool.

Are they safe?

Yeah, they're super safe.

Picture me in my convertible.

I like that.

Yeah.

I remember when you had a convertible.

I know.

The very first, it was such a huge thing in our house.

My dad got her a Chrysler LeBaron

convertible.

And you got the personalized license.

License.

You did.

What did it say?

Oh, that's so nice.

So people knew it was you coming.

Hell yeah.

They're like, here comes Charo.

Here comes Charo.

Did you like it?

I love it, and the kids love it.

Yeah, it's super fun.

But now I will take the expressway.

Das a promise.

Das a promise.

You and some of the staff went shopping.

Well, you're changing the topic of my car, so let's go one step at a time.

Okay.

How about to get me a convertible?

I say.

No, I'm not doing that.

Not doing that.

You can do it.

Okay, change the topic because you want to go the shopping.

Your staff and I went shopping.

Yeah.

We were very limited.

We were trying to be decent.

So we buy the least we can in the most.

Very limited.

What budget did you have?

He didn't tell me the budget, but we were very considerate.

So we bought like this blouse.

You guys know what you ended up spending?

Very little.

No?

Very little?

That's just the summary?

The equivalent of one alpha for Christina.

Wow.

That still is a pretty vague way of saying it was spent.

You don't know what was spent?

Nobody knows?

No, it wasn't that much.

We went to Nordstrom.

Yeah.

Perdona, Los Senor.

We bought like three

warm-up pants, like the pants I'm wearing right now.

I mean.

How much was spent?

I think around $2,500.

No,

no, no, that's a lot of scratch for clothes.

No.

And we bought sweatpants?

$1,500.

Oh.

So you think Josh just added $1,000 for no reason?

Yeah, because he has fancy in those.

He's making it up.

I know.

Oh, wow.

I know it was $1,500.

Would you, would you...

Hold on.

That doesn't sound...

Look, can I tell you something?

Josh is one of the most honest people on our staff.

He's actually the most well-adjusted person on the entire staff, clinically speaking.

Him of lying?

How does Josh knows?

Do you want to pull this now?

How does Josh knows?

How does Josh knows?

I don't know.

Ask Josh.

He's the manager here.

He knows all the things.

Yeah, but he can make up the numbers.

He can make it up.

He can make it up.

But why would he?

I don't know.

Ask Josh.

And ethnically speaking, his people are known to make up numbers.

Oh.

There's your answer.

There's your answer.

Do you, you do you you know I I just I made an observation.

I noticed that every time you come in here, it's like

it's it's a plea to get stuff.

You know, like last time it was like, are we gonna go because you did the show and then you're like, are we gonna go buy a washer dryer now?

We were like, wait, by the way, I need to go to cosmetics.

Excuse me.

It's always thank you for touching the topic.

Thank you for touching the topic.

Because he find out, and he mentioned, I just find now I'm buying a washer and dryer.

Thanks a lot.

It cost me $3,000.

I pay with my money.

Cool.

And I didn't buy even the stance because I didn't have money to buy the stands.

So I have to bend down, think of my age.

So don't ask you for the $300 for a stand.

I don't understand.

Why can't you get the stands?

Because it's $300, each is $600, and I didn't have enough to buy the washer and dryer.

That wasn't in my book.

However, you announced it that, I just find now I'm buying a washing and dryer.

Well, guess what?

I bought a washer and dryer.

We're proud of you.

Yeah, good job.

Way to go, Charlotte.

Way to go.

Hi, Tommy.

I tell you one thing I want to do.

Let me.

Does it involve me purchasing something?

Well, it involves you an investment in the house.

Investment, okay.

Because this house eventually going to rent it.

Let me explain.

Let me explain.

The shower is this big.

And the bathtub is this big.

So the idea will be

to knock out the bathtub and just make the shower longer.

I'm talking to Tommy.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Can I have your blessings, please, Tommy?

At the moment, no.

I got a lot of things, I'm all tied up,

kind of jammed up right now with a lot of things.

Because she told you to say that.

She didn't tell me to say anything.

Just can't do stuff like that.

You know, I got a lot of things going on.

Stuff like that.

Yeah, I got things going on.

But you said you bought a washer and dryer.

I didn't think I bought it.

Yes, you say it in the iPod.

I heard you in one of your pods.

You say it in your iPod, and I bought it.

So can we trade that for knocking that bathtub that is a decoration and me being able to move in my shower that is this big?

Would you like to hear your psychiatric evaluation results?

Yes.

Oh, shit.

I mean, are we doing it?

Should we call the doctor?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm dying to know.

Are you serious?

Are you okay?

No?

I want to do it.

I want definitely want to do it.

Okay.

All All right.

So

of the 17 people that took the test that were here in the office.

Let's ask her first: where do you think you ranked out of on a scale of from one to 17?

The top, the one

being

the, what is it, the least healthiest?

Yeah.

17 being the healthiest.

Where do you think in the lineup you would be?

Two.

Yes.

For real?

Yeah.

You were number two.

You were number two.

Yeah.

I was trying to make a joke so you can laugh at it.

The number one was a very traumatized young man who's not here today.

Then you were two.

And then it goes down to the healthiest person who was Josh.

Josh is the healthiest?

Yeah.

You have to teach me, Josh.

So Tanner was number one most troubled, and

the therapist recommended therapy for him.

And she asked if he was a veteran, like if he had been a combat veteran, because he exhibited that much signs of trauma.

Which one was this?

Number one, and you're number two.

No, which one was it?

Tamir.

Tanner.

Tanner.

Yeah, he's not here today.

Okay.

But he's one of our.

Well, tell me everything.

So

when you have results, they are either insignificant,

elevated, or what they call clinically significant.

And when something is clinically significant, it means that

somewhat alarming, brings awareness to the therapist, and then they want to talk to the person more to find out how

concerned they should be.

You are clinically significant in two major categories:

uh negative affectivity and uh dishibin dishibitionism um you're in the 99th percentile in both what congratulations yeah it's pretty cool

negative

put it back yeah affectivity you can see it there you're you actually are almost at a hundred percent which is so clinically significant there isn't a category past it what does that mean they have negative affectivity well if we scroll down you can see the actual breakdown of things

So anxiousness, you're at 100%.

Emotional libility, you're in the 90th percentile.

And separation and security, you're over

almost at 100%.

Yeah, your withdrawal is at over 90%.

Your manipulativeness is over 90%.

Manipulativeness?

There you go.

Why didn't I get for you even to get my shower?

Distractibility, you're at 100%,

which is in the next category.

Impulsivity, almost at 100%.

You're not psychotic.

Yeah, that's nice.

Congratulations.

Pretty great.

Yeah.

And here's your scores.

You're not schizotypal.

You're not weirdo.

You're not too.

Well, you are antisocial, but you're elevated.

You're not a psychopath.

Your borderline score is nearly off the charts.

You're not a narcissist.

Your avoidance is nearly off the charts.

I'm a narcissist.

No.

I said, no, you're not a narcissist.

No.

No.

But you have two clinically significant results there.

And yeah, you can see there.

Borderline, you mean you're essentially been diagnosed as a borderline.

You're antisocial and you're avoidant.

But you're not narcissistic.

That's true.

And you're not obsessive-compulsive.

And you're not schizotypal, which means you're not a weirdo.

You're not an eccentric.

You just have, you know, severe personality defects.

If it makes you any happier, I'm schizotypal.

Yeah, she registers high on

the high.

I'd considered a...

And I also register high on antisocial, which may be genetic.

And then I also have a higher antisocial with psychopathy.

So we're all antisocials here.

Yeah, we're all antisocials, yeah.

Yeah.

As you can see.

Yeah.

Pretty cool, right?

Pretty cool.

Yeah,

I think Tanner, I mean, like I said, Tanner was recommended to go to therapy.

Is that something you would consider doing?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is he going to do for me?

Well, you don't know.

We're not the therapists, but that's what people do is

your

looks like your hostility, your impulsivity, and your irresponsibility.

Go slow because you're going impulsive and you're

no Yeah, go slow.

Okay, well your antisocial stuff is pretty clear

Yeah,

the real thing is your borderline.

I know we know that yeah, your borderline stuff is out of control.

I mean that is obviously like you're probably your most notable category

Which one is that borderline where it combines anxiousness emotional ability, hostility, and impulsivity and separation insecurity.

You scored really high.

I'm a monster.

No, no, no, no, no, monster.

You know, it's just a does that resonate with you?

Do you feel like that's accurate?

Well,

I know I'm scared to be alone.

Yeah,

I don't like when a man comes in my house if I am alone.

That really tremendous anxiety.

I am

extremely antisocial.

I am very insecure.

I actually avoid making friends.

But not because I avoid, it's because my insecurity

creates my friends because my friends approached me and became friends.

But I don't go and

make friends, yeah.

No.

Yeah.

It's part of the insecurities.

I am

ask me questions because I can see from here.

Let's go.

Is there another category underneath this?

Yeah, you're not OCD.

You're not obsessive-compulsive.

Withdrawn, which makes sense.

Anxiousness, which makes sense.

Distractability is

100%.

Yeah, you're very, very high.

Very, very distracted.

I am so distracted that it breaks the rule of the 100%.

Yeah.

I can't focus on one thing.

Like I can be in the bathroom.

I'm trying to fix this, but this belongs to the kitchen.

So I go to the kitchen.

While I'm in the kitchen, I found something that is from the laundry room, so I don't finish one task, I never finished one room, and I'm being suffering with this because I'm being aware all the time and I can't help it.

You're being aware all the time, is that you said?

Yes, aware.

Yeah, you're um, you actually could not have a higher score on um distractibility, it's the highest possible score, yeah.

And you're also in the highest possible score for impulsivity, you're almost there with emotional liability, um,

you are there with anxiousness, yeah.

Got a nice treat there on intimacy avoidance and irresponsibility and manipulativeness.

You're significant in all of them.

Intimacy avoidance is why I am so high.

Oh no, sorry, that's the wrong.

No, just irresponsibility, hostility, impulsivity.

Hostility, have high hostility?

Yes.

What is hostility?

Kind of what you're doing right now.

Remember a few minutes ago when you were like, I'm talking to Tom, not you?

That's kind of hostile.

You said that to me.

Kind of hurt my feelings a little bit.

Not going to lie.

But Tom is hostile, too.

Tom is called hostility.

Oh, that's deflection.

Yeah, that's called being deflective.

You're pushing it on somebody else now.

She doesn't have that.

You do.

Good.

This is good.

I have elevated.

Manipulativeness.

You're a master manipulator.

This is only what people say who know you, though.

Like you.

like, well, yeah.

I think your children would

all be like, is it only 92?

Do you feel like, but do you feel like you can get people to do things for you?

Do you feel like that?

That can be a really positive skill.

Look, all this isn't to be negative.

Sometimes these traits work in your benefit.

Some of our greatest employees, our greatest staff members are

lit up too.

So this doesn't mean like you're a bad person.

It just means like these are your traits.

So manipulativeness can be great if you're a lawyer or a salesperson.

Podcast host.

Podcasting host.

Do you feel like you get what you want from people?

From Tommy.

From Tommy, you do.

Because he loved me.

Not because I'm manipulative.

He says, she's 81.

Can you move the

81 even when I'm 80?

Yeah.

And I know he loves me.

You know he loves you.

So it's not that I abuse it, but I ask him with almost 90% sure that he's going to tell me.

But you know that he loves you and that's why you ask.

Is that what you're saying?

No.

You know he'll give it to you, that's why.

No.

I know that he loves me and he will try if he can.

If he hasn't seen that, and I really, not that he can, I'm talking monetary.

But if he sees like that's enough,

he will say no.

Like I asked him if I can go shopping again and a big no came.

I asked him about my shower, even though I'm going to fall down in that shower because there's no place to hold and it fits me.

So if I get a lower, he can get in the shower.

And what about the casino trips?

Oh my God.

Tommy, I can leave from casino to casino.

Yeah.

If you want your maya to die happy,

send me to one casino.

Only if you want her to die happy.

You know what we'll do about the convertible?

If you can drive a convertible from Austin to Lake Charles, Louisiana,

you can have that car.

I'm serious.

I'm serious.

That's such a good idea.

I thought he was going to say if you can drive the converter from your house to all the way in the expressway, you can have the convertible.

Which it will be.

That's what I said.

No, not to another town.

Yeah.

It's a road trip.

You're 81.

You can freaking take a road trip.

You're 80.

You can take a road trip.

Here, check this out.

Look at this screen.

They broke his back.

Yeah.

He threw a hundred-pound bag at him.

100 pounds of cement.

Yeah.

That's so mean.

I know.

I hate when they put these clips in here.

I know.

I can't tell that what they're doing.

It's only nice stuff.

We told you this.

She doesn't like this violent stuff, you guys.

This is horrendous.

I agree.

Shit.

That one was crazy.

Terrible.

Why are you guys putting this stuff in here?

That was

really crazy.

You know what?

Didn't you.

I have a question.

I clearly outside.

I need to stop for a second.

What's that?

Didn't your test camps like you enjoy watching tragedies and people just being killed and stuff?

Yeah, that's the high psychopathy, antisocial stuff.

A little bit, yeah.

Yeah.

He came high in in that.

Not that high.

No, it was elevated.

It was not clinically significant.

But elevated, so you were almost into clinical territory.

I don't think it was close to clinical territory.

But it's elevated.

Yeah, elevated.

So that's one step under clinical.

Yeah, but elevated is also over 50 or elevated.

Over the form.

Christina, me back that's fighting it to tell you.

Yeah.

That means he knows he is.

He's out of his mind.

Yeah.

Well,

every night, it's something violent.

It's something awful.

It's it's war, it's Hitler, it's

and then he says to me, you gotta watch this movie.

I know it's violent, I don't wanna watch it this morning.

That's what my dad did, too.

Yes.

Every single day.

I know.

And every night.

Every night.

Horrors.

You're falling asleep too, yeah.

Hi, baby, come here.

We have a show.

48 hours killing in the street.

Mom, Mike.

48 hours killing in the street.

And that's how I go to sleep.

And he gets tired and he's okay.

I'm going to bed.

And he turned the TV off without asking me, Are you watching?

He only called me to let me know we have a show to watch.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

No, that's okay.

But can I tell you what's so sick now?

Yeah.

Is that now I can't fall asleep unless Tom is watching something violent and terrible.

So now I go, Are you going to watch your awful thing?

Because I can't fall asleep unless he's next to me enjoying awful things.

You have trained here.

It's pretty good.

That's a good deal.

Very dominant.

No, very dominant.

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Oh my god, he broke his waist.

All his bones.

All of them.

That was horrible.

All the bones are broken, dude.

Dude, that guy is that guy is not okay, right?

Is that it all?

It's a lion.

It's a lion.

It's a lion.

Yeah.

Tommy, you're going to eat him.

He's just joking with his employees and he put a he'll release the lion on them.

Yeah.

It's something that i've dreamed about and i i've wanted to do this so bad you will i know you will i'm trying to i actually reached out to an animal rescue guy about doing this here at the office and and they just we couldn't work it out but this is such a cool thing i've wanted i think he's a monster

because the only fun he has

i know is torture torture Yeah, torture gives you joy.

Yeah.

Why don't you torture yourself?

That would be more joy.

He does like to torture himself with the fasting and the cold plunging and the...

Are you still with the fasting?

Yeah, it's been 10 days.

Yeah.

10 days?

Not quite.

But yeah, I still haven't eaten.

That's why he says not to me to go shopping or buy me a car.

No, I'm just thinking clearly.

You need to get a lot of clear thoughts.

He's pushing for a month now because he loves it so much.

He's getting going on.

I want to see if I can do 30 days.

What is the purpose?

Just to see if you can do it.

I like the suffering, you know?

Like, to see if you can,

what level of suffering you can deal with.

And then he's going to make the staff do it.

They all have to do it.

They don't have to.

Yeah, they do.

You cannot force the staff.

No, but they can't.

You cannot force the staff to do it.

Absolutely.

Guys, aren't we starting it next week?

You know what, guys?

Quit.

Unfortunately, yes.

They should quit.

I know.

I see what you do.

Just find find new people.

You will never get them.

Why?

Because they have the best.

I mean, I wouldn't.

They're fine.

You're not going to make them do that.

I mean, if they want to work here.

Yeah.

I never had an office and with the man I forced the people to go on a diet of water.

Oh, you don't work here.

Yeah, but it's a different time.

It's 2025.

I not only quit, but I will sue you.

You can't do that.

Thanks for giving them that idea, but the whole thing is, I want, i and i i mean this respectfully i want them to look better you know why they look great well they look fine well don't you shave

i want you to look better i'm but i'm doing the water fat and that's what i'm trying to get them to do it's like hey let's get a little trimmer you know let's look a little better summer summer i want i want to see summer bodies when i come in here

winter bodies oh i don't have to i'm already perfect i don't have to he doesn't make me do it he like he like loves me you know who sent in a tape asking if they could work here?

Asking if they could have a job?

Right here.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Yeah.

She wants to get a job doing what?

Licking your envelopes.

I don't know.

But they were like, do you want to hire her?

And I said, well, bring her in.

Let's see what she's like.

Do you have a lot of male

in church?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She seems nice.

She had a good interview, too.

Here's

Look at this the largest on record fossilized

Kaca in the world

What yeah,

they save it they saved it.

Yeah

Eight inches long two inches wide

It's from a Viking.

That's awesome.

I just

Beyond my brains believing that you put in a show

the biggest kaka in the world.

Oh, guess what else?

I put a bid on it for at an auction to try to get it here at the studio.

You're sick.

Well, I want to own it.

So do I.

I can't wait to get it.

How much did you spend?

$125,000.

Okay, why don't I do one like that?

If you can do something like that.

You pay me $125,000.

Well.

Well, if you do it for that one, why can't you do it for mine?

Well, this is a...

it belonged to a Viking.

What?

I am Her Majesty.

Her Majesty?

Yes.

Could you talk away from the mic more?

It's only the 15th time.

No, but

mom, go from here.

Just go like this.

Push it down.

Yeah, there you go.

And then

there you go.

Here we go.

I mean, yeah.

It's too high.

Okay.

Oh, there's Charo.

You even got your plate personalized.

That's awesome.

Oh Oh my God, you guys are quick.

I want that car.

Yeah,

those are real easy to get.

Yeah, toys.

That's a toy, yeah.

That's a Ferrari 488.

Those are pretty neat.

Don't you love to drive me, get me honestly in a sport car?

Doesn't have to be one of those brand names.

Just any.

No, a Ford Sport.

A Ford?

A Ford Explorer?

Ford Sport.

Sport.

A Ford Sports.

Oh, my favorite car, the Ford Sport.

What's a Ford Sport?

So they have a Ford convertible, yeah.

Oh, yeah, okay, like a Mustang or something, yeah.

Oh, that'd be cool.

What color would you get it?

Right, I feel like you're more of a Miata lady, yeah.

I could see what is that.

A Mazda Miata,

yeah, ver so fast.

Can you show me a Mazda Miada?

You look amazing,

your pretty blonde hair, big tetas and all that.

This is a completely natural hair.

Did you know that?

You look amazing.

it looks great oh yeah that's pretty good it doesn't look like horse hair it looks good

there you go i like it that's adorable it's fun those are really fun to drive too

i like that burgundy bandit okay

red get it

get it buddy

the maza miata yeah great

when you take the the the thing off does it look like it convertible pretty or no what do you mean i want to look like i am in a convertible how do you not look like you're in a convertible because it's too too high.

What's too high?

The card himself, the convertibles are lower on my imagination.

That's your imagination.

No, it's low.

Yeah.

Okay, that's it.

Perfect.

Cool.

That looks rad.

Yeah, I think we should work that out.

If you drive yourself to Lake Charles, that is yours.

I go from my house

all the way to the next town.

What is the next town?

In the Espresway.

I mean, I don't know.

Do you drive to like UT?

Can you tell me where is UT?

I don't even know where it is.

It's like downtowny, you know?

How about downtown?

Do you drive downtown?

In the convertible.

Yeah.

Yes.

On a freeway.

Yes.

All right, we'll talk about it.

No, no.

You said it's yours.

Now you go to the.

I didn't say it's yours.

You're making up words.

When did I say it's yours?

If you drive from here to here, it's yours.

I said Lake Charles.

Okay, I am changing it.

If I'll do it, you know how my heart will go from here to the university and the spreadway by myself?

That's not a car

reward distance.

You have to go further than that for the car.

Like you can drive it if you want to drive it.

We can set up a test drive.

But if you want to like get a car, you can't be like, hey, I drove 15 minutes.

That's not

an even exchange.

Okay, let's do a test drive.

Okay, you can do a test drive.

The tres I can't be alone.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what it is drive.

All right, we'll do a test drive.

Check this out.

This is a pretty cool story.

I think you'll like this.

It's rage we've seen before.

Only this time, Nathaniel Radamak, convicted for his violent Tesla rampages,

isn't behind the wheel, he's at the gym.

This guy said he's gonna sock me in my face because I walk next to his machine.

He came up behind me and said, hey, do me a favor, don't

walk past my machine when I'm using it again.

I was so taken aback.

The young lady involved speaking anonymously to hawaii news now the incident she says happened on good friday at a planet fitness in kahala honolulu she took out her phone as things quickly escalated

things also not looking good for radamak who is now in custody facing charges for assaulting two women in honolulu he got closer to my daughter's window reached in and punched her in her face.

Diane Ung, recalling the May 7th attack, a spokesperson for Hawaii's Department of Corrections saying he was assaulted by inmates on Monday, sustaining injuries to his face and torso.

Gosh.

Pretty cool, right?

Isn't that a cool story?

Very cool.

As cool as it gets.

Yeah.

What do you think is going on?

Well, he got prison justice, though.

Yeah, that is pretty nice.

So, actually.

Are we allowed to talk politics?

Are we allowed to talk politics?

Yeah, I mean, are you...

I didn't know if you had political things to talk about.

What would you like to talk about?

Maybe I don't.

Probably best.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This audience kind of surprises you

with their thoughts sometimes.

This guy seems like he's pretty cool, though.

The guys here surprises me with

the audience.

There you are.

Oh, that's perfect.

I want a picture of that to put it in my phone.

Yeah.

We can definitely make that your screensaver.

I want you to make that.

Yeah.

Stay away from my machine.

Stay away from my machine when I'm using it.

Yeah, I kind of like that, though, because I feel that way too at a gym.

I don't want people near me.

Within toco de casino.

I know, but check this out.

So

Christina and the boys are coming with me to, so I start shooting this movie.

But then they leave me, so I'm going to be alone.

And in order to, like,

you know,

feel not alone, Christina sent me this link.

And this is what's going to be with me when she leaves.

And I'm super excited that she actually did this and that she found this.

Check this out.

This is Melody, one of our robots.

She speaks various languages, and she's built in a modular fashion.

So we can take off her face, replace it with another face, and have her speaking as a different character.

Our skills are having very realistic skin, and our AI is very different.

It's function to create companion and friendship and social-type interactions with people.

So our robots don't do physical human labor, but they're really meant for personal interaction.

So, you can think about it at a theme park, at a conference like this, or even at a senior's home where they can keep people company.

So, what happened is she sent this, the production saw it, I told them, I don't want to be alone.

They're going to put AI versions of Christina's voice in the robot, and they're going to give it blonde hair, like similar looks, so it'll feel like she's there.

I do for real.

Yeah, isn't that cool?

That is cool.

And apparently,

like that.

You can have sex with it too.

And you think that's cool too?

I think it's great.

You know, it's what is wrong with you?

I think it's a nice way, and he can also take my face off and put someone else's face.

So, you know, why don't you assign him to another woman and spice things up?

I'm Melody, your charming companion from Realbotics.

We're all about creating customizable, human-like robots designed for connection and play.

Basically, the perfect blend of technology and companionship.

Why did the robot go on a diet?

Because it had too many bites.

She can smile, so I'll have her smite.

See, I can't wait to wake up to that.

Yeah.

Like a happy

love to

jokes and stuff.

Is he going to miss you that much?

Does you know what he went around the world and being away from you for a while?

Yeah.

And he didn't have that robot woman there.

Yeah, but now I'm just in a house alone in Albuquerque.

It's different.

You know, Albuquerque.

Yeah.

Probably shit.

I'd like Melody to come there and just talk to you.

I'm coming to visit you.

Did I tell you about season two of my show?

I'm scared to ask.

It's cooking up.

What is about tits?

There is a tits thing.

There's one whole entire story that takes place in someone's asshole.

So there's a...

Don't tell me that is not true.

I don't go that far with you.

Well, here's what happens.

No, I interrupt here.

If you get that, that low in your life, I'm done.

Well, here's what happens.

So I'm getting a colonoscopy in the episode.

So I'm

in the hospital, and they give me drugs, and they send a tube into my butthole, right?

And the tube has a camera on it.

But what happens is there's actually like a little

almost like a alien-like form that has made its way into the camera.

And so he jumps off the camera and then he runs into my asshole and we have like other characters that are alive inside of my anus and like my

colon

and they have like this huge battle and so when they they fight eventually they fight because they're we make it so that my inside my ass is like a town it's like a little town that people live in tell her about her part though oh yeah well that's a different that's so at the end when they take it out i fart and everybody flies out of my ass

on to like the the wall and then all the blood comes up after that

but that's like a huge it's a basically like a western story like you know guns and like and the cowboys and Indians polyps are all wearing hats and guns and stuff but it's like a I am

absolutely renounced to be your mother I know that's enough if you're going to make a show could you pull this closer again for the 35th time

If you are really going to make a show that gets that low, that disgusting, that insulting, and that disrespectful to me,

I don't want to get involved in this anymore.

That's not your episode, though.

We have a different person.

Obviously, it's not my episode.

Obviously, it's not.

But what's not funny, I think.

Like, Christina.

How could you make that better?

Like, if you're writing it,

you tell me.

To me, that's a perfect skill.

We worked really hard on that, yeah.

Like, pitch us.

People rectus, and then it's a person in there, and then you look at the photo and they go through the whole thing.

I mean, I think it's hilarious.

They were laughing, you heard them.

Like, so what's it, what's a comedy idea you would think would be better?

Well, I don't see my comedy idea wouldn't go through that area anyway.

What could Tommy do?

I don't have his disgusting mentality.

Yeah.

His disgusting attitude that comes in the TV and burp.

And he seems that's funny, for example.

There's a lot of people that would love for Tom to burp in front of them, and he charges extra meet and greets where he will burp.

I think you both have a mental problem.

I got it that moment.

We have another one for you.

We have another one for you where you're a slave owner,

like in the 18th.

Oh, you like that one.

And

well, it's just you on a plantation.

It's a really nice plantation.

And you're like, it's a beautiful

oak moss, trees, huge, huge manor.

And you just go around and you like, you whip

slaves you beat them up totally me and you hang them and that's the end of the sketch oh that's wonderful then there's another one

of course images my personality I love to do that stuff I match a kill I

swept I write everybody like there is one that I wanted to pitch you called tit slop which is there's a

you're living in this kind of dystopian period where the only way you can pay for

why I'm drinking when I come to your show the only way you can pay for things is you can fart or you can do things with your tits so that's like you you go to the grocery store and they're like that's 14 farts and you see somebody put their yeah and they so

because tits are such a commodity you have over the years

you've increased the size of your tits so now they're like quadruple H tits.

They're all like that right now for real.

Well, they're much bigger in this.

And you use them to nurse people, but also to fight people.

So

you swing your tits and you hit people in the face.

And people.

Where did you get this mentality from?

From you.

You're my mom.

No, you definitely didn't get it from me.

Of course I did.

I had nothing to do.

That was your psychological evaluation.

I got it from you.

But how much would it take for you to do Tit Slop?

The sketch?

$300,000.

To do one thing?

Yes.

But that's the whole budget for the

whole thing series budget yeah you can't spend that can't you imagine me doing that yes okay that is for thirteen hundred yeah for thirteen hundred yeah i must be desperate for bread today are you no okay

but don't you think it'd be very loving to breastfeed people in the sketch and show them your your love

You know, there's nothing like mother's milk.

There really isn't.

No, I don't have mother's milk.

I made it, remember?

Can you do the paramedic one?

What is a paramedic one?

So you're driving an ambulance, right?

And you show up on a scene where there's been an accident, and the person is on the ground and they're hurt.

And then you stand, you're you okay?

And they're like, ah, like that.

And then you go pee on them, you make cock on them, and you say, Ah, Tommy, please.

And you throw up on them.

Please.

And then they're.

They stop there.

They're stealing there.

And they're healed.

I'm glad.

Stop it.

No, I can't stand it.

But listen to what he's saying: is that you have the power to heal people with your vomit,

and your feces.

You guys are so sick.

It's just, I can't believe this makes money.

There's another one where you,

this one's kind of a stretch, but it's also like, I love the idea because it's counter what you expect, which is that you go to Cambodia and you take these children and you put them in a shipping container and you bring them to Los Angeles and you basically

traffic them to get to labor and everything but eventually they escape and they're saved

I put them in a container to ship it across the Pacific yeah and then they get to LA and this is it you sell them you have a dirty mind to extremes it's called bad thoughts that's the name of the show it's called bad thoughts that's what you have a hundred percent in your score yeah Bad thoughts you want to do that one yeah that one's you don't have to shy your tattoos you don't have to peer person that one you just

I just traffic children.

Yeah, but in a funny way.

But they also.

But then she traffic the children.

Well, here's the thing.

I'm not a good actress.

They are a good actor.

Your mistake in this story is that you introduce them to softball.

And through the wonder and the thrill of playing the game of softball, they find friends that help them escape this life that you've sold them into.

How can I sell the children?

I save them by saving them.

No, you you don't save them.

You're the trafficker.

You're the person that goes and gives them candy, gets them into the shipping container, sells them for profit in Los Angeles because you're a child-trafficking kingpin.

That's a monster.

Yeah, it's a monster of a person.

Yeah, but I am not a monster of a person.

But you're an actor.

Yeah, you're acting.

You're acting.

You're not real.

I can act like a monster.

Sure, you can.

No, you can.

That's because you can.

No way.

And you, you know.

Nungas escuchabo eladrón jus gatos de su condicion.

Well, there's um no, I've never heard that actually.

The thief judges everybody in his own condition.

Interesting.

Because he thinks that this is something that excites him, just to mention and then you ship them and you steal them and you sell them.

Well, being that we're kind of going through the process right now,

which would you sign up for?

Did you see my blows?

That's really cool.

Thank you, James.

So, which would you do?

Would you do child trafficking?

No way.

Charo the slave owner.

What was that?

Charo the slave owner.

I am a slave owner and I whip them and hang them.

Yeah.

That's local.

Okay.

Would you do the tit slap where you fart and you feed people your tits and you fight them with your tits?

I tit the people.

Yeah.

You defeat them and you feed them.

With your tits and you're would you do that one?

No

And then we okay so you'll do the colon, you'll do the one where the people live in the asshole.

You'll do that?

Oh, my gosh, what is wrong with you?

Well, this is the show.

This is like we've been working on.

We've been working on this show.

I can do any of those things.

Of course you can.

So these are my choices.

People get inside my colon and go through all my insights.

Yes.

Yes.

The dirty parts.

And that's part of the wonderful evidence.

Yeah.

People die, and I am going to sweep them by pooping and peeing on them.

Oh, there's that one too.

You're the the paramedic one.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Then there is the one that I am, I have slaves and I beat them to death.

And what is the good part that I do?

Nothing.

Well, the stories are bad thoughts.

They're supposed to be bad thoughts.

Oh, bad thoughts.

So say I dream that I have a slave and I beat them to death.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the story.

There's always more slaves.

There's endless supply of people.

That's the part I didn't tell you about that I told her.

At the end, you're very sad of the slave one because this is kind of, it shows the emotion because you've you've killed all your slaves and then you go I kill all my slaves yeah but because you're you're good at training and then you go to an auction and you buy like 50 more and you're so happy at the end of it so you're like oh I got new slave like so there's like a upside to it it's not

a high note you're trying to say it's like a it feel good it feels good at the end because you're like look at all my new slaves and you and I have new start yeah

no way you won't do that one that's so funny what is wrong with you Tommy Tommy?

So, the paramedic one, it is.

Yeah, I think that one would be great for you.

All right, put her down for the paramedic one.

Um,

Charo's new podcast, Mui Muchacharo, comes out tomorrow on the Your Mom's House YouTube channel.

You can also listen to it wherever you get podcasts.

Please rate, review, and subscribe.

And please interact with us about Charo's new show.

Give her feedback, give her thoughts.

Please, please, please, just be nice to me.

Be nice to her.

Of course.

Pover sita charo.

And hopefully, we'll work our way to getting a miata.

All right, thanks for listening.

Thanks for watching.

Bye, mommies.

Ciao, ciao.

Your burps are just violent rips.

How angry would your mom get throwing up when you're rip on like that?

Let it, let it grow.

I like your burps the best

because

I feel like they always tell a story.

600 pounds of man.

Get my porn, 600 pounds, put it in that fucking pussy roll of salt.

Son of a good.

Yeah.

Speaking my language.

Just to let it glow.

Just to let it glow.

In the last episode, I had a really bad.

Tintin Tintin Pat, Tintin Tint

Tintin Tinta

Tenta, Tintin Tinta Tintin Tinta.