Sex Crime Sandwich w/ Joe DeRosa | Your Mom's House Ep. 820

Hey everyone, don't miss my come together tour.

I'll be in Athens, Georgia on Friday, August 29th, and Windsor, Ontario, on September 4th.

I've also added a second show in Akron, Ohio, and will be there on September 6th and 7th.

Tickets and all info is at thompsagura.com/slash tour.

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Welcome to the program.

I'm Tom, of course, sitting sitting here with my partner, Fart Dog.

It's Lieutenant Fart Dog.

Lieutenant Fart Dog, Special Operations Instructor.

You know, we were watching

Top Gun.

Maverick.

Maverick.

And we were wondering if anybody is in the Air Force.

If you could tell us if you have ever had a call sign like Fart Dog or anything remotely inappropriate.

Inappropriate, yeah.

Because we were wondering if you could get away with being inappropriate.

It's all like Brewster and Joker.

What about like tit slops or something, you know?

Oh, big dick, because you know those guys that would be the first one.

Stanky, stanky cock, yeah.

I don't know about they've probably been probably just stanky.

Just stanky?

They wouldn't say stanky cock wouldn't be your call sign.

But but what is the stanky in reference to your balls or maybe?

But the thing is, I think the only way to get away with a thing like a stanky would be because your commanding officer would be like, what?

And then

you'd have to spin it and be like, you know, it never showers.

And they're like, right.

And then the real thing is that, like, well, his dick stinks.

Because he does it so much with chicks.

Yeah.

He's a big banger.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I hooked up with a 26-year-old.

Oh my God.

It was good.

My God, I'm so proud of you.

Like, it was awesome.

I'm so proud.

Good for you.

I got to tell you something I did recently.

I hooked up.

Yeah.

And it was like, it was great.

Oh, my God.

I love that for you.

Like, seriously?

I love that for you.

It was so fun.

You know what's so great is that, like, you're just being your authentic self.

Yes, girl.

And I'm like,

I'm just not letting society tell me

who I can sleep with.

Because society wants to shame you.

They want to fat shame you.

Society is racist.

It's sexist.

It's just horrible.

Girl, you got to do your own thing.

And like, we butt-fucked, and it was so awesome.

Oh, my God.

I'm so happy for you.

Like, I haven't shit like this in

years.

I love that phrase.

I have just been like, it's like colonics every day.

Oh, my God.

And you know what?

Colonics is also part of self-care, which is so

important.

Nobody does it.

Well, we as women, especially as mothers, don't have enough time for ourselves.

Do you think that my kids will like to hear this podcast where I talk about getting butt fucked?

Probably about as much as they want to hear us talk about Lieutenant Fart Dog.

Probably.

Their mom having nice actual reason.

Actually, I think that the other one is probably going to bother the kid more.

Yeah, I think talking about what you really do is by far more vulgar.

It's so funny that there's this, you know, I'm like realizing this in the moment.

Yeah.

That all these years on mic and saying all kinds of inappropriate wild shit, there's this thing that in your head that always goes yeah but don't talk about what you do yeah and i think it's actually this self-preservation slash

you know putting putting into your mind oh i don't want like kid my kid to hear that like it always is like the only line that exists is like i won't tell real things

I know and it's interesting because as comedians we walk the line of truth of reality versus embellishment Yes.

So there is always a kernel of something usually, but not necessarily the whole shebang.

Now,

I mean, I'm, if you were listening to the last episode, Tom and I are still reeling over the results.

Everybody is.

Everybody.

Everybody.

The whole world is reeling over the results of the psych evaluations we did on our staff.

I think we would, you know what it made me want to do?

A more in-depth one.

Like, I want everybody to do the 500 questions.

Let's go.

Yeah.

And then to have somebody come in here and be like, all right, those first results, that was

a, there's a new top three.

I would love that.

Yeah.

Cross-reference.

I mean, the big,

I would say, you know, headline news from it is

it's not a surprise.

Zolo is so well adjusted.

I am a little surprised.

You are?

I am a little because he came to us young.

Yeah.

And we've raised him in a way and we've molded that young mind.

It just means we're good parents, man.

Maybe.

I was surprised.

I definitely thought I was way more fucked up than she made me out to be.

What did you think she would say?

I thought I'd be in like the middle of

the whole sample size here, but yeah.

Shocking.

Yeah, I think it.

Was he number one normal?

Yeah, number one normal.

Wild.

And I'll tell you who wasn't.

is sitting to his left and our right, Niana, who's wearing...

What the hell does that shirt say?

Does it say daddy's daddy's little meat eater?

Oh, meatball.

It's like, Jesus Christ.

Daddy's little meatball.

She's got her, she's representing the bloods today.

I thought it said meat eater.

I was like,

she's got her Aunt Jemima handkerchief on.

Okay.

So how's daddy's little meatball feeling?

I'm very shocked that I was second most mentally ill.

Did it actually rattle you?

Did you feel like surprised

when she first said it?

I was definitely rattled when she said the words borderline.

That is rattling.

But then, you know, the thing that we have to, like, I was thinking about it today, was that like, well, everybody registers on this.

Like, there is no such thing as like, oh, you don't have anything.

Like, everybody registers, and it makes sense that you're going to be higher in certain things.

When she started asking you questions and like, you know, you were

kind of coming to terms with, like, oh, I yes to this, no, to that.

Did it start to feel

unnerving, or was it like settling in a way to

hear the question and reaffirm something?

Yeah, I felt better that some things were reaffirmed, but also, like, I don't know, I'm just very emotionally in tune, so it didn't really once I saw that everyone else had a little bit of this borderline, I'm like, that doesn't mean anything.

I'm just like an emotional person.

Yeah.

Emotional person.

Is that so?

That's what bothered you?

Like, what bothered you the most?

Just the term?

Yeah, just the term was a little scary.

Oh, to be.

Well, look, as somebody that was raised by a borderline mom, I was deathly afraid of it, too.

And unfortunately, like, everyone's got borderline traits.

Yeah, everybody.

And you can just go and work on those traits so that they're less problematic.

But also, yours are not

like they're not notable.

They're notable within a hundred question test.

Mine.

No, no, I'm talking about it.

They're notable in a hundred question

test in that moment compared to like everyone.

Like they're not like, oh my God, this is alarming.

Yeah, you could have been getting your period or something.

I did take the test when I was PMSing.

Same here.

You too.

Same here.

You're finally bleeding?

Yeah.

What are you wearing today?

I hate the fact that I have a buildup of a.

No, I have a tampon in today.

Did you do?

And what did you take for your symptoms?

Midol.

You like that one better?

Yeah.

I take Advil Tom sometimes too.

Sure.

What about the big liar face who we all know lied, which was Ennie, right?

I know.

Bullshit.

That was normal.

Normal.

Get the fucking shit.

No way.

She was like, oh, Enny?

Yeah, who's that?

Oh, yeah.

That one's normal.

Get out of here.

I would put money that...

I thought he was going to fudge the test to make it crazier, right?

I think he fudged the test to be normal.

Like, he probably went, oh, what would a normal person say here?

And then that's how he answered.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, probably like in character.

Would go, I'm about to answer, hold on.

Yeah,

I'll go two to the left.

Yeah, pretend I'm Josh Zolo, and now I know.

And now I answer it.

Yeah, we know.

We know.

We know.

We

know.

We

all right.

Let's open the show.

You ready?

We're gonna talk about us, huh?

Well, we will, but don't you think we should do our opening?

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

Here we go.

Here you go.

I'm Ryan, and I just got noticed by Tom Shigura again.

And I just have one thing to ask:

Why the fuck can a beautiful black goddess ever notice me?

Who is right?

Don't bring anyone loving for this.

We got your back, Ryan.

Welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Sagura.

Mom Sagura and Christina Pazitsi Christina Shazhitsky.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Oh, my gosh.

I just got a text from my mom friend who was like, this is so funny.

She goes, wellness check, making sure you are okay with Tom's water cleanse.

Blink twice if you're okay.

I'm really shocked at how pleasant you are right now.

Today, today changed.

Tell me about it.

So for people that don't know, yeah, we are recording a few of these episodes kind of day after, like, you know, three days in a row, basically, right?

Just because of the summer schedule, which we'll get into in a little bit.

So yesterday, we recorded an episode that came out the week before this one.

Right.

And I was working towards 48 hours of fasting.

And I could definitely feel, you know, hunger.

lack of focus, you know, irritable, all the things when you're hungry, but exacerbated.

And I was like, fuck.

And people were telling me different things about that's you know a normal thing and that it might get worse for going into the third day might get better whatever so I went to bed last night

how did you sleep hungry I have such a hard time sleeping that was harder the first night

after 24 hours that was hard like so that first night

like when I hit 24 hours because I started this fast in the evening I hit 24 hours at nine in the evening and going to bed that night was the hardest

it was hard to go to bed.

And when I got up to pee,

it was so hard to go back to sleep.

I was up a lot, you know.

I was like, fuck man, because you know, your body's just like, hey, how come we're not eating?

So, yesterday, it was a little bit easier to go to sleep.

I had some salt.

I put like some this high-quality salt just like on my tongue, drank more water.

And

sounds great.

Then I was able to fall asleep.

But anyway, I woke up today

and in the morning, I hit 60 hours, right?

So I'm working towards the 72, I guess, for today.

And I felt much more energized.

I felt normal.

So I went to the gym and I hadn't lifted or anything in a couple days.

So I lifted.

I didn't do anything.

I'm really like

cautious and apprehensive about pushing too hard.

So I'm not doing anything crazy, but I just wanted to exercise and like feel, you know, muscle contractions contractions and everything so I live I did like a little circuit

where I did like full body kind of circuit and I felt fine I felt totally fine doing it

and then now I feel completely normal right now I feel that is crazy because you're not afraid of like passing out or no no I'd be afraid of passing but there's this thing that happens in your in your body with which is that like after like at first your body's like why aren't we eating right and it's like you're hungry hungry hungry and then your body taps into it and and goes, like, oh, we're not getting food from the mouth, so now we'll tap into your own reserves.

And so you start using that as energy.

So I think, you know,

insane that you're doing.

I think people listening are like, Thomas, officially.

Crazy.

Right.

Like, what did the psychedel say about this kind of thing?

Well, you know what it fucking said about you

is that

hold on though.

The psychedel did say, are you beefing?

No, I'm just adjusting.

The psychic valve did say that you're prone to doing high-risk behaviors or more impulsive things.

And this is one of those wacky things that you're doing.

Yeah.

I would never do this.

No, I know.

Sounds terrible.

This wasn't done.

People, I know it makes sense to think it was just done to like drop weight.

It was done because of a wellness

protocol that we see like wellness people.

And the wellness person, unrelated to like body weight or body fat, was like, this was a great reset for you and gave me all this.

It's too long to get into, all this information.

And this protocol involved like a bunch of vitamins and things I hadn't tried before.

And one of them was like a five-day fast.

And I thought, well, I could put off that fast because, you know, you don't have to do it in the moment.

Or I was like, this is probably a good week for me to do it before I travel and go do this movie.

So I just did it this week.

Well, I'm telling you, I was worried

going into this.

I was like, he's going to be miserable.

It's going to be a pain in the ass to be around you.

You're going to be insufferable

complaining.

You've been lovely.

In fact, I have better conversations with you because you're not as distracted.

Like you stop and talk to me and you make eye contact and you listen and it's been really nice.

So I think you should just stop eating entirely for the rest of our marriage.

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So don't eat again?

No, keep it going, bud.

I think you're right.

Yeah.

I actually really like the way I feel.

I would want to try it, but I don't want to try it.

You know what I mean?

Can I tell you this, though?

I don't like it.

Can I tell you this?

It's like a gangbang.

Can I just tell you this?

No, because you go like, I don't know if I can handle it.

And then you get in one.

You're like, this is the,

these are the people I want to be friends with forever.

There are two two in you, there are three in you.

So, no, it's it's like a lot of things, the anxiety about it is that's true, that's true, it's absolutely true.

That is like life, it's like

anyway.

Let's talk about the psyche valve.

Okay, so

she's like, she called me later, she was like, I didn't want to say it on the show.

She's like, Christine is a crazy bitch.

I was like, Oh, but why didn't you say it?

Yeah,

um, not true.

The only reason I won is because I charted high on eccentricity,

schizoids, or whatever, schizotiple, Schizotypal.

And that's it, so I'm a little weirder than you.

Avoidant, too.

Oh, I'm very, I'm more avoidant than you.

And I was just higher on antisocial, which we knew.

Knew that.

We knew that.

And risky behavior, risky behavior.

And traits of psychopathy.

And psychopathy.

Yeah.

I'm more psychopathic than you.

Well, for sure.

But that ties into being antisocial.

It does.

It's the same thing.

I'm surprised you didn't score in the danger zone for that, Maverick, because you should have scored higher for psychopathy.

I should have worn my psycho glasses today.

I know.

I left them at night.

You're high designers.

Yeah.

Well, I'm glad we did this.

It was very informative.

Tanner, I think we should, I would love to follow him in therapy and

unpack what's going on there.

Yeah, I think we should definitely.

I really meant it.

I said it when he was on the phone yesterday.

I was like, I'll pay for you to go to therapy.

Yeah, we should sponsor that.

She also, like, she did seem a little scared about it.

She was like, this guy is fucking wild.

Well, is this a combat vet?

Nope.

No.

Nope.

And also a very good fit here at YMH2.

Perfect.

Yeah.

And I meant it for most of you.

I was like, don't get help.

You're great.

But

he, I was just a little concerned about.

Oh, and I was going to say, too, I was thinking about it last night.

Had I taken that test 20 years ago before therapy, I would have scored way crazier.

Oh my God.

I would have been bars, bars, bars.

Like,

it's also a function of aging and being in therapy for a fucking million years where you're like, oh, yeah, I know what's wrong with me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know I can go OCD if my anxiety gets too high.

So what do I do?

I got to feel feelings.

Even though I don't like to feel them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You're right.

And we're both big advocates of therapy.

I think I'll always be like encouraging for people to do it.

I will too, fart dog.

Let me just, real quick, because we open with Ryan.

Hi, I'm Ryan.

and he wants a

forgot about Ryan.

Yeah, this the whole point of this is to help Ryan get that beautiful black eye.

I'm trying to, and that's why I'm telling this audience: please, are you black?

Are you beautiful?

Do you have a big ass?

Do you have a great ass?

I'm guessing if the first two are yes, the third one is definitely yes.

Yeah, could you please send a message to this sweet Ryan?

Um, what's his, what's his uh handle?

RyanHarman22 on Instagram.

At RyanHarman22.

That's R-Y-A-N-H-A-R-M-O-N-22.

If you're a beautiful black goddess and you just want to,

you know, meet someone new, connect with someone, why not send or post a message?

You can tag YMH, you can tag Ryan Harmon22 and just say hello.

He wants a beautiful black goddess.

I think there's enough people out there that need a connection, that this might be something special.

Well, Well, we've always been people that make love connections.

Yes.

You know, we have love.

We want to share our love with others.

So hit Ryan up.

Here's another bit of information.

Go ahead.

Ryan not only does not discriminate, which is obvious because

he was looking for a beautiful black goddess.

Yeah.

He is without a doubt, maybe the most inclusive love-seeking guy out there.

Because I'm Ryan and I like trans women.

Something about a a girl with a dick gives me that tingly feeling

dude you could definitely find a black trans woman out there yeah they're everywhere on social medias and i here's the thing about them ryan

they got that beautiful black ass you're looking for

and

a dick that you have never encountered in your life that's so true that will change your life and i think That might be the love connection that happens from this show.

Dude, this is so cool.

You know what's really cool about this time we live in is like i remember watching love connection with my mom and back then it was only like straight people with straight people and dude now you can be like yeah i like um i don't know black trans women yeah and they're like cool yeah we'll find you someone yeah

it's so incredible it's great it is great gosh they should redo love connection with like a ryan guy And he's like, dude, her ass was so big.

Yeah.

And Chuck was like, really?

Tell me about that.

Dude, a love connection with like non-squares.

Yeah, it would be so rash.

So fun.

That's a great idea.

We'll try to produce that.

Make that.

I know.

You want to?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Remember the other day we were watching Fight Club.

Yeah.

And I was like, dude, I love Jim Norton.

He's so good in this.

Yeah.

And then I was like, that's not Jim Norton.

Yeah.

And you're like, what?

I do that so much where I put comedian names.

I mean, it's a close one.

They have the same last name.

Yeah.

Two different people, though.

They are different.

They're very different people.

God, Brad Pitt's so awesome in this movie.

Yeah.

And so is Ed Morton.

So is Helena Bottom Carter, my absolute hero, style icon, for sure.

He looks like he did a five-day fast leading up to the movie.

I think he did.

Look at those abs.

I know.

Look at his dick lines.

What do you call those?

Come gutters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come gutters.

The

thing about this, though, this, this, um, is always referenced when, when, about, like, what's the

male aesthetic like thing, but he has no mass in this.

you realize that like what do you mean like he looks like he weighs if you watch the movie and you're a guy you're like yeah like he looks incredible but he weighs like 150 pounds in this movie i dream of weighing 150 yeah that's my goal weight isn't that but that's really slender for a man yeah yeah that's wild yeah so like he's basically fasting and just punching i mean it's his I think it's his natural,

but it's his leanest weight you can get to.

And there's no mass, meaning like there's no bulk to him, right?

Like

it's very, very lean.

Like a surfer's body?

Yeah, like a surfer, exactly.

So but I'm thinking like the reason would be like this photographs or this video graph

beautifully.

What did I tell you his weight was?

And I could tell that from the eye.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, because it looks great on the body.

He got his body fat percentage down to 5%.

What?

Yeah.

Yeah, because people don't realize that movie stars are very small people.

I think generally

If you're watching this, I'm just talking about from the aesthetic.

If you go, oh man, he looks great.

But if you saw him in person, then you would be like, dude, you need to like, you need to eat something.

Yeah, you're, you're too, you're too small.

But it looks better on camera.

It looks good on camera.

Because a camera adds 20 fucking pounds.

Yeah.

It sucks.

That's why movie, like, actresses are always teeny, teeny, teeny, tinies.

Because it doesn't, it looks better.

You should see me at 155.

That's crazy.

Pretty cool.

Have you ever been?

Yeah.

Fifth grade.

Could you imagine?

I mean, the skinniest, I'm trying to think of like the so the lightest I've ever been as an adult is 30 pounds heavier than that.

So 185.

I was 185 when I was like 22.

That's about right, though, because I think when I was in college, the summer I worked at Starbucks.

No, I lived in England and I just lived on beer and cigarettes because the food was garbage in the 90s.

I got down to 117.

157.

I looked so good.

Dude, you see my ribs and everything.

I I wish.

Let's make a pact today.

Yeah.

I get down to 185.

You get down to 117.

Deal.

And we just let things fall where they may.

Let's fucking do it.

Okay.

How do I get back on the Ozempi?

No, stop eating.

Like I did.

Oh, just fast until I'm there?

Yeah.

All right.

You can fast for a hundred days.

Without dying?

Yeah.

But don't your kidneys fail and stuff?

No.

Josh, look it up.

At what point does like your organ shut down?

No, dude.

You're going to have electrolytes.

You're going to have water.

I'm going to stop stop ovulating or what?

That's fine.

Fromstrating.

Fine.

Women need food.

No.

We're not like men.

No.

You guys are animals.

14 days.

The breakdown of muscle speeds up.

The body begins to lose heart, kidney, and liver function.

This is somebody who's not, who's starving, like really starving, not like who's doing this the right way.

I'm talking about a fast.

What's the right way?

Just drinking water and stuff?

Yeah, water, salt.

Okay, Josh, Google, how long can you go just drinking water?

I know people have done much longer.

Without your organs, it's perfectly healthy.

Listen, I've watched Alone.

What's that show?

Alone and Afraid and Naked?

About them surviving

in Canada.

Yeah.

What's the fucking show I'm thinking of?

Where these survivalists go out.

Naked and Afraid or whatever?

Damn.

Alone.

Alone.

Okay.

Right?

And they always go out 40, 50 pounds heavier.

And then the problem is they're like, I'm starving.

My body is breaking down.

My kidneys are failing.

My heart's first of all.

You're not going to do it forever.

You're just going to to do it till you're 117.

How long?

God, that takes so long.

No, I'm miserable.

You don't eat for two months.

You can't not eat for two fucking months.

You know what?

Honestly, honestly, when I'm having my surgeries, my tit reconstructions, I'll do it then because I'll be in bed, bedridden anyway, high as shit.

No, think of that.

I need to start eating then.

New tits.

Yeah.

No food.

No food.

So good.

Dude, you're going to feel amazing.

That's what I'm going to do it.

Perfect.

Because right now I'm dreading these surgeries.

So I'm acting up.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm drinking too much.

I'm eating too much.

Ask you something.

I'm acting out.

Is it possible that through this fast my penis is shrinking?

I don't know.

Is that possible?

Ask the doctor.

Dr.

Zolo.

Ask Judge.

I'm looking it up.

Can my penis shrink?

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Why would it shrink?

There's no water in your peanut?

I don't know.

You're probably just losing water in your penis.

Maybe my water.

My penis is mostly made of water.

Mm-hmm.

Everybody knows that, dummy.

Yeah.

What about your balls?

Are they changing?

Yeah, they're smaller too.

Everything's been shrinking.

You're losing water in your nuts.

Okay.

What does it say?

What?

I don't even understand that.

I don't think this is what you're doing.

Okay.

Six causes of penis shrinkage.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Aging.

Well, you got that on your side.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What you can do?

Stop aging or die.

Okay.

Obesity.

But that's.

No, you're not obese.

That's like...

That makes sense because that's like the fat pad around you grows, so your penis looks smaller, right?

And pyrones, no, that's not what we're talking about.

Prostate surgery, no.

Oh, how about this one?

This is good.

Okay, uh, that suppressed testosterone.

I'm not suppressing it.

I'm going to reduce penis length by as much as three centimeters.

No, what you can do.

Oh, medicines?

Peonines?

No, none of those

propecias.

Clearly, well,

hey, I'm getting a wig, you're Fucking snuff.

All right.

Let's talk about this.

Yeah.

What is this thing that says Lena?

Lena.

Oh, fuck, right off.

Lena fucking Dunham, y'all.

Man,

so listen, you know I'm on the talk, and I've come across these absolute nightmarish videos of her talking.

I mean, look, she's always been insufferable.

I'm not a fan of girls.

I never was.

Maybe

it's not my age bracket, but

just listen to what she's saying.

Okay.

It's something, something cool.

Culture that is so deeply fat phobic, misogynistic, racist, ageist.

I mean, all the isss, and that's

is forming every single day our dynamic with our body, whether we like it or not.

Everybody has to take their whole life's journey in this one body that they've been given.

And I think one of the gifts for me of having issues with my health has been realizing how

much

our how hard our body is working for us all the time.

I have a relationship with my body now that exists outside of those things and I feel very lucky for that.

Out of society,

out of fat shaming and racism and patriarchy.

She didn't blame the patriarchy.

Wait a minute.

That's good.

We didn't hear that.

I mean, I thought that was pretty sensible, what she said.

Society makes you overweight.

Well, is that what she said?

I thought she was saying, like, that society

and in general, we live in a culture that is fat phobic and racist and all these, all the isss.

Yeah.

And that you form a relationship with your body through that lens.

And that now she is in a place where she kind of realizes you have to take this whole life journey with this one body, which makes sense, I think.

And yeah, I think it was, I thought it was really cool.

Yeah, you like what she's saying.

I do.

I like her outfit.

I think she looks great.

Yeah, I don't know what you're doing.

Just keep doing what you're doing, Lena.

You look like you're doing it right.

Yeah, she looks amazing.

Looks good.

I like the rings.

I like the different color nails.

Yeah, the jewelry looks great.

The outfit's nice.

Yeah, big fan.

Big, big.

I never saw girls.

I know that was a fucking huge hit.

You know what?

I did.

I did like

I did like the episode.

She played ping pong topless, and I thought that was very courageous of her because her sloppers weren't like

desirable.

They're a little coney.

Yeah.

And she was a little tubby.

And that was a neat thing

to see.

You didn't see an unconventional.

See, now they photograph.

Those are nice photographs.

Now she just looks Rubinesque.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know what?

I take it back.

Those cans are nice.

She kind of looks like me me and bad thoughts

I did some brave stuff in that show too you did do

I didn't even acknowledge your courage yeah and your bravery in this fat phobic uh uh cockaphobic yeah uh dick phobic society we live in Tom you prevailed how come I don't get more celebrated for being brave

you're so brave Tom awesome

naked multiple times, covered in shit one time.

Yeah.

I don't see the fucking Atlantic writing articles about me and like what a brave choice that was.

That was.

That was very brave.

Covered in peanut butter and oatmeal,

food dye.

I agree.

I thought it was very courageous.

Thank you.

You know, especially like the society is so terrible that we live in.

You know, it's practically Afghanistan here, the way women are shamed and told to stay inside.

And, you know, I hooked up with a guy.

Hollywood is

like Pakistan.

Good.

Yes.

Good for you.

I sucked the guy's dick on the bus yesterday, and it was like so delicious.

Oh my God, good for you, girl.

Thank you.

You're so empowered.

Thank you.

Listen, speaking of girl stuff, buy my lipsticks, you guys.

I've got four shades.

I've got Berlin, the perfect red, atomic red, and Madison available at Christinap.com.

And, oh, there they are.

I've caught some exciting things in the pipeline coming up in the fall and the winter, and I'm so excited.

And also, I might be wearing something that I will be debuting.

Very exciting.

Very soon.

ChristinaP.com.

Boys, buy this for your ladies.

They love this stuff, right?

Broads love gifts.

Yeah, if you got a broad in your life, get her a gift.

She will literally suck your deck if you buy her days.

Love stuff.

That's all you got to hear.

Literally.

Ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding, ding.

Keanu Keanu hit me up and he was like, my balls are full.

Can you suck them?

And I said, ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding, ding.

Yep.

Also, my artwork, Fuck Around and Find Out, is still available.

It is now priced at, let me see,

no, it was $40,000, and now I am increasing it to $50,000 for the original.

By the way, this is the work you've done.

Thank you.

No, the work you've done, I'm saying on yourself is to know, you know, because you were like saying that, like, I have the confidence and you admire that.

Yes.

It's about saying, no, the price, yesterday's price

isn't today's price, fuck face.

So it's 50 grand.

Yes, Tom.

There you go.

Oh my God, you know what?

Yes.

And just as women, we don't value ourselves enough.

I know.

And I've suffered low self-esteem, but not anymore because I value myself.

And now you value it at $50,000.

That's right, bitch.

Fucking buy it.

There you go.

You see the bottle she brought in?

That was a big bottle.

I don't know if you saw it.

Look at that size though.

So she's farting into that.

I already know a flaw.

What's that?

She didn't cover it fast.

Otherwise, the smell is going to go away.

I know.

And that was a big fart.

It was great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But we know this from college.

When you fart into a film container the secret is you got to cover with real fast really fast to send that smell well hopefully she sees this and hears you talking and goes ah thanks christina thank you thank yeah

give me my remorse give me my remorse

you know what's really nice

About being a lady is that you can always make a living with your sexuality.

It is nice.

Any age, any size.

It's so true.

Anytime.

And with the internet and the landscape that has been created, the platforms that are out there,

you could be in any fucking predicament and go, all right, I'm going to shit on a glass table for you.

Yep.

And there's somebody out there who's going to go, here's 30 bucks.

You can always get yourself out of a bind.

I still have feet, and there's people that want to see those.

Click, click, click.

I still have a fat ass.

You have armpits?

I got armpits.

And even if I don't, even if I'm missing a limb, there's a guy out there that wants that.

There's somebody who just wants you to go, ah, and point at your mouth.

Yep.

You want to fart in a jar?

There's a guy that wants that.

That's the best part.

These women complaining.

Oh, it's

ladies and gentlemen.

You know what I really admire are the women who give the least of themselves in order to satisfy men for money?

Meaning, like

a video where like a lady's like, yeah, what's up, you fucking losers.

I love that too.

I would do that, Lane.

I want you to just pull your tiny dick out.

I subscribe to a few.

So, but like,

but like, they're getting money and they're just like saying shit to somebody.

I've always said that I could do the dominatrix thing to do.

Kick a guy in the balls.

You've always loved that.

You've always told me, pull up a video of a guy getting kicked in the balls.

But that's only if he's been a good dog for a long time, and that's the final frontier.

That's that's $10,000 kick.

Right.

You know what I mean?

But I chastise him.

I berate him on the video for a long, long time.

Yeah, that's fucking cool.

Yeah.

So, all right, let's take a

quick break.

Lena Dunham's so great.

Just, what a voice of a generation.

Totally.

Let's take a break.

We'll be right back.

Can I get a beer?

We are back and we are rejoined by one of our favorites.

His new special comes out.

It actually is out.

It's called I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

It's on his YouTube channel.

The joystick tour for 2025 is on sale now at joe derosa.com.

It's Joe DeRosa, everybody.

Hey, guys.

Good to see you.

We're talking tattoos right before we rolled.

I want to get one.

Hear me out, though.

I'm listening.

Okay.

It's a portrait of Hitler, but the reason is that he's a hell of a salesman.

Okay.

He's one of the slickest talkers of all time.

Yeah.

Not for

all the other.

Not the anti-Semitic, none of that shit.

right just like a great orator and no yeah i mean

i like sales you know i like business and i feel like it's a it's a message to the rest of the staff of like this is the guy who could give a speech you know and i i kind of want them to take that for they're all giving me pushback he's

you know optically i get i get why but he's he is the ultimate example of used his power for bad right so that the whole thing is look at this

on my arm every day and don't be bad.

That's what I'm trying to tell them.

That's another thing.

Tattoos on the arm and Hitler.

They're not a great history there.

I'm trying to figure out a way out.

There's a lot of way.

I'm trying to figure out a way.

No, you just need to open your mind, Joe.

It's like, I feel like you've never taken a sales seminar before.

What about this?

What if you started with a tapestry that you just kind of hung on the wall?

That's a great idea.

Oh, my God.

What if we spent like 50 grand on a Hitler tapestry?

Well, Dan Pena brought it up, and that's why I, like, like, when he brought it up, oh, you got to put your

cans on to hear it.

Sorry.

Oh, oh, shit.

But this is Dampena, who we've had on the show before.

And yeah, he.

I'll do whatever it takes.

Yeah.

Well, that means something different to me.

It means something different to guys like Hitler.

Why do I have Hitler's picture

behind my desk?

Because you're arguably the best salesman that ever lived.

How do you get 60, 70, 80 million people to genocide 10 million people?

Either those 10 million people had to do something terrible, which wasn't the case, or you've got to be a slick motherfucker.

And that's what I'm saying.

He was.

See?

Yeah.

No, that's the thought behind it.

Will you also start dressing like Gomez Adams?

Maybe.

Because that would help.

That would help.

His outfit is helping sell the argument.

He really is.

That's totally his aesthetic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He also lives in a castle in Scotland.

He does.

This guy does, yeah.

Dampenia, not Wilma.

Wait, who is.

I'm embarrassed at all.

He's a business, you know, one of the business talking.

Here, I got some.

We first discovered him on videos like this.

Okay, here.

He looks like Anthony.

The rest of the world laughs at us.

Do you realize the Russians think we're all faggots?

Do you realize most of the Eastern Black countries think we're faggots?

Because we are!

We're an embarrassment to humanity.

To humanity.

Wow.

That guy's got a way.

I think he's undercutting himself with giving Hitler all the credit.

I think this guy has got

his own skill set.

He's got a lot of classics, man.

Hanging out with losers.

Wasting your time with people that mean to you.

Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

That's one of your top, top things.

It is.

Three pieces show me your friends and i show you your future you want to know why you're all up just look at the bums you hang around with

there you go i've committed this to soul so pena was a financial analyst he went on to become president of greater great western resources a houston-based oil company um

pena was ousted as president of the company 92 awarded three million dollars then um he bought yeah guthrie castle in scotland where he lives operates several businesses out of there

Yeah.

Can we see a picture of Guthrie Castle?

I want to see this.

Jeez.

Oh, all right.

Crushes.

I mean, that's, you know.

Bro, if you want to learn, you can take his seminar.

You just have to go to Scotland.

You do.

You can stay in the castle.

You can.

His seminar.

It's a nice castle, dude.

Come on.

All right.

Crushes.

The angle was.

It was the first day.

That's a terrible angle.

That's a terrible angle.

It's like an old church.

That

looks.

But look, I'm just going to say,

it's technically a castle.

Okay, I know.

You say castle, I'm thinking,

I know.

There's a peak

and cliffs.

You know what I mean?

Like Dracula style.

That's a big fucking house.

But I got to be honest, I went to the guy that created Full House's house once.

So did I.

It'll pretty much look like that.

I've been to that.

It's the Manson murder house.

It's not the house, it's the site of the house.

It's the site of the house.

Correct.

He tore it down, changed the address, and rebuilt in this kooky shoes mansion with waterfalls and the Elvis Presley room.

Committed far more worse crimes than Manson by creating full house.

What's happened to predictably

is not the same thing as the guy who's Manson.

I was there with Burr.

It was Bob Saget's birthday party, and Burr brought me, and we were walking around outside, and he just goes,

Jesus Christ, this looks like a cheesecake factory.

That is really tacky, man.

It is.

It's horrendous.

And I went there for a business lunch, and he had a butler bringing us lunch out on this veranda.

And did you see like

the waterfalls and the slides?

And

there's no kids there.

You know what I mean?

Yeah,

it was a scene.

I hung out with Turtle.

I don't know what was it.

From Entourage.

Oh.

He was there.

I met Norman Lear.

I hung out with Norman Lear.

I met a ton of cool people.

That's very cool.

This is the first time I ever met Bob Saget.

He was very nice.

Gestamos was there, along with

the older two sisters, Cameron and

Jodi.

Yeah, yeah.

The Olsons didn't show up, though.

Oh, that's a really?

Yeah, I was bummed because I was like, that's when I feel like it's going to be like a fucking party.

Yeah.

The Olson twins show up.

They must not like him.

Yeah.

You know what the nice thing, though, about building on that plot of land is just good vibes if you believe in energy, you know?

Well, I asked him why, you know, that I go,

why did you buy this?

I'm just curious.

Are you a fan

of the work?

Yeah.

And he goes, well, it turns out that Murderland is discounted land.

So I got a really good deal on this.

Jesus Christ.

He's spoken like a true Hollywood cool guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, the coolest.

Only in Hollywood

can it get worse.

You think the worst thing that could happen on this land happened.

And then they build this.

It's like almost disembarking.

It's like a bad amusement park.

Yeah.

Imagine if they built that at ground zero.

Like that

execution.

It's just like, guys, something happened here, man.

Look at this headline with a strange history.

Is it strange what happened there?

Is that the word you would pick?

Strange.

It was really strange the way people were disemboweled on this property.

A pregnant woman.

That was so strange.

They wrote pig and blood on the walls.

Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

Has anyone ever said, fuck you, Dampena, I'm walking out the door?

No, I've thrown a couple out, but nobody's ever said that.

No, I take that back.

One Romanian walked out the door because he said I was making fun of him, calling him a gypsy, a Roma.

But then when we came back in the afternoon, he was sitting in the library.

And I thought, I thought you left.

He says, no, no, no, you were right.

I'll be the first if I walk.

Yeah, yeah, if you walk, you'll be walking.

there'll be plenty of people here but you may be the first to walk out

this guy's amazing he's amazing i i gotta i'm following him this is amazing yeah isn't he just like our dads i mean do you know what i mean like this is just this is what we grew up with yeah

it's uh that the guys that talk like that just because like it's like yeah it's it's they're they're not around anymore no it's wild i do honestly kind of love a guy like that yeah you know what i mean mean?

Because you know what it reminds me of is like old school coaches.

If you ever played any team sports,

you get a variety of personalities.

And there's one who is like a straight shooter who's like, you know what?

The whole reason you're not playing right now is because you fucking suck.

And you're like, oh, yeah.

He's like, yeah.

And he just gets in your ass.

Get here early and lift, you fucking pussy.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's so wild, man.

Like, you know,

I miss that era of.

I mean, how many times have any of us with people that you work with or that work for you in some capacity or whatever,

you have so many moments where you're like, I wish it was 1985.

Yeah, of course.

So I could just be like, why don't you do your fucking job and shut the fuck?

And you can't.

It's just not how it works.

It's not how it works.

No.

But it still works like that in his world.

I know.

Yeah, he does that still for sure.

I mean, he lives in a castle.

But you know what's great about the stand-up world is that it's so brutal.

Like, even if your

cohorts, your whatever, your friends aren't busting your balls, the audience will.

So there's no mincing of anything in our world.

Yeah.

It's like the last honest part of show business.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a lot of just absolute brutal honesty all the fucking time.

Yeah.

I got to heck, a guy heckled me last night.

I said, I was talking about how Russell Brand, I go, if you want to see a true psychopath, like if you want to have the rich or truly saying Russell Brand, and the premise of the bit, it's not really working, but the the premise of the bit is he's got multiple charges and he's rich, but he still does his podcast.

Like, that's the sign of a lunatic.

Yeah, yeah, because they can never stop you from doing that, no matter how psychotic you are.

You can keep doing this.

You can.

And I go, so I say that, and the guy, when I said the charges, some guy goes, whatever.

Whatever.

And I go, are you one of these passive,

passive guys when it comes to r?

And the guy goes, America.

And I was like, all right, well,

it was a wild response but it's the only could you imagine in an office no even I couldn't say the first thing nobody could have the reaction they had the interaction that took place afterwards could none of it could happen comedy is one of the last places where it's just I just got asked about somebody okay I'm not going to say who okay and I was and so a guy I know brought up somebody else who has had accusations.

And I was like, oh, yeah, you know about that?

And he was like, yeah.

He goes, he seems like a great guy.

And I go, yeah.

I mean, other than the stuff.

And he goes, is it possible that somebody can be redeemed?

I go, yeah.

They're just like a cooler race now.

And he was like, yeah.

He was like, yeah,

I don't know.

He seemed like a guy, a nice guy.

For sure, man.

Did you see the Theo Vaughan, Cat Williams, Bill Cosby clip?

No, I can't say that.

My friend sent it to me yesterday.

I was laughing so hard.

They're sitting there talking, and they're talking about Bill Cosby.

And Theo's looking up at the monitor, and Cat's over here.

And Theo goes, Did you get to meet Cosby, man?

You know, before all the problem stuff happened?

And it is the longest pause in fucking history.

Cat Williams looks so high.

It's so quiet for so long.

Theo eventually turns, like, what's going on?

Like, you're not speaking.

And then Cat Williams just goes,

Is one of the problems the race?

Is this it?

Is this the clip?

Yeah, Bill Cosby.

Did you ever get to meet him or not?

Before he had all the problems?

Problems.

Look how long it's been.

It's like, problems.

He's being arrested.

One of the problems.

My favorite is what Theodore goes like this.

Problems.

What did I do?

He's still here.

Problems.

You know, that's like a DUI is like a problem.

Yeah.

Drugging and raising multiple people.

No, like 50.

50, yeah.

50.

When they can fill an entire magazine cover with all the women, women,

that's a guy that's, Jesus Christ.

People remember that guy?

They always bring about, they always brought up, they're like, you know, he could have, he was a very famous, very wealthy guy.

He could have just slept with women, right?

Consensually.

Yeah, but that's not the fun.

Well, that's the thing, is that that's not what he's into.

Right.

What he's into is

like drugging and rapping people.

Well,

I said the same thing.

I was like, you're so rich,

you could meet a woman.

You could say, you're going to sign this nda consensually obviously but here's what i do oh yeah you're gonna come in and pretend we're doing a job interview i'm gonna literally drug you and i'm gonna have sex with you he he could have done all that legally but it's what you just said i like that face that's fucking fantastic

yeah no

he they get off on the

on the illegal well you know what i mean oh yeah the rush

yeah the rush of the evil is like evil is that i got you here i gave you a drink, and you passed out.

And then I can.

Twiddle and diddle and

would you guys have gone?

Because he said he was going to tour and he never did.

Would you have gone?

I would have been there in the middle of the day.

100%.

No.

Yes.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

You would have been

curious.

I don't want to give the guy another dime.

I feel like I already gave him my childhood.

Yeah.

And then he disappointed me.

I'm done.

I talked out of listening to this maniac.

The best thing ever, like this is a true psychopath move, is when he was on trial.

He was walking to the courthouse, and there's cameras there.

And as he's walking, he goes, Yeah, he does the thing.

Can you find that clip?

It is unbelievable, dude.

And you're like, you're walking into a courthouse right now for a

assault charge, and you're like,

oh, this is a different one, but this is all he does, hey, hey, hey, on the way out of there.

I remember.

But who's more fucked up?

Him for doing the fat Albert

or the people screaming, we love you, Bill.

Well, that happens in celebrity culture now for you.

There's people that rejoiced, like with baby oil in the streets

when Diddy wasn't convicted of

the higher charge.

I don't agree, obviously, with the people that were rejoicing or supporting the Diddy, period.

I can at least understand, though, like, okay, you could be so not well-read, I guess, to a point that you could actually think that, or you must be in such denial, you could actually want to support this guy.

I don't agree with it, but I can kind of understand it.

When it started to get into them condemning and chastising the woman, I was like, guys, this is insane.

It's insane.

Like, what is the fuck is the matter with everybody?

It's so crazy.

They said, I met a guy that was, that worked at the jail that he was in, because it was in Philly, Pennsylvania.

And I was like, what was he like?

And he was like,

everybody loved him.

He taught, he taught classes and shit, and he had a really nice time.

Yeah, I believe that.

Like, he never, that's the sociopath part.

He never dropped the Cosby.

Yeah, yeah, there was never the part where he was like, I fucked up or whatever.

He keeps up this fucking thing of like being like America's dad.

Well, it's so deep-rooted somebody at that point, right?

Because he's also, when this is happening, he's like 80.

So he's been, he's had that facade for like 60 years.

There is no real self.

Yeah, there's no individual.

Is this it?

Is this the clip?

Watch this.

He's walking into court.

It's so crazy, dude.

You're going into court for a really serious charge, and you're like, nah.

So fun.

What do you think?

I mean,

the point is, it's like...

It's fun.

It's fun.

Like, I have, I have, okay, I have water damage in my condo right now from a leak.

The progressive inspector came out yesterday, and I was like crumbled on the floor in the corner.

He was not going to, he was not going to assess the damage probably, and I wasn't going to get the money I needed.

Right.

It was like, I don't, what, where are you that you could be facing this and going in?

That's what I'm saying with the Russell Brand thing.

It's like to be facing these charges and be like, I'm still going to go do my fucking podcast.

It's insane to me.

He can, he could, he's able to to do the separation so effortlessly like

this is not happening i'm i'm this guy you know i mean he can compartmentalize it so elegantly at such a high level because he's done it for so long like he's done it for so long and so well do you also i think you're i think you're right especially as you scored high on your psychopathy on your personality assessment i understand that you understand but also

don't you think

it also has something to do with being a celebrity and having that sense of like I'm better than everybody and everyone loves me and worships me?

There's your narcissism right there.

And money.

Russell Brand and both Cosby, they got cash, you know?

Like, is that, is that the delusion that money insulates you as well from

punished, you know, or like.

It's probably some of that.

But then I also imagine when you're operating at that level of finance, you're behind doors with a team of people saying,

guys, we've seen this a million times.

This is what's going to happen.

Fuck.

This is the worst case scenario.

And they're probably like, eh, if I get a year, I can do it.

I'll be fine.

They'll protect me.

I'm famous.

They'll put me in a fucking corner somewhere and nobody's going to do anything to me.

I guess.

I don't know.

But like, Woody Allen, whether, oh, my God.

Whether you think he's innocent or guilty, and he's one of the most polarizing of any of these.

But

they said when he was doing Bullets Over Broadway, he says it in the documentary and then people that worked with it, he was going through the shit with Mia Farrow.

And they said he would like be on set and like he would get the call from the lawyer where the call was literally like, we're going to fucking bury you.

We're going to say that you fucking malted her.

All this shit.

And he said he would walk away and just come back 10 minutes later and just be like,

all right,

where are we at?

And I was like, shut the movie down.

Like, even if you're innocent, shut the fucking movie down.

I don't understand.

I would be

coming apart at the scene.

Part of that thinking to me when

you say that is probably him going,

if I'm innocent, shouldn't I keep working?

You know what I mean?

He knows.

How to go ahead like nothing.

Tom gets it.

We know how Tom's going to navigate.

Where's my wife?

I don't know.

I just went on a stand-up tour.

So if Christina's dead and I did it, then I would do this.

But I didn't do it, probably.

So I should probably keep doing my show.

Keep doing two bears.

It is a great point.

Keep up all facades.

If you don't, then, you know.

Well, it's either that thinking for him or it's back to the complete ability to compartmentalize where he's like, this is what's happening, but I'm a movie director and I got to do my job.

I also think it's something,

excuse me,

it's something in your wiring that is also the thing that allows you to hit that level of fame and success.

Yeah.

There's something in your wiring.

There just has to be.

There has to be a true thread of narcissism, like a true thread, you know?

And it's like

that

will allow somebody to be like, yeah, fuck it.

I'm going to keep working.

Talk about like Clinton.

Totally shameless, right?

Yes.

Just doesn't even, doesn't register.

It's like, no, I'm the president, dude.

Woody Allen married his adopted daughter.

How is that even legal?

She wasn't his daughter.

She was not his adopted daughter.

This is where it gets murky.

He was never married to Mia Farrow.

They never lived together.

She was Mia Farrow's adopted daughter.

Mia Farrow, when Soon Yee was 16 or 17, started pushing them to spend time together, meaning her and Woody.

Mia Farrow was also at that period actively introducing Soony as being mentally retarded to people.

There's a massive interview Soon Yi did.

It's crazy.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Apparently, Mia Farrow is a fucking monster.

And other kids have come out.

See, Ronin's the one that gets all the big press because he's the writer.

There's another brother in the family who is a lawyer who has come out and said, my brother has been indoctrinated by my crazy mother.

My mother was a fucking cult leader.

She was abusive to all of us.

My father, Woody Allen, did not do anything.

Now, questionable as it may be to marry your ex-girlfriend's daughter,

that's weird.

I get it.

I'm not arguing that, but it's gross.

It's, yeah, it's a little gross.

Yeah.

I don't mean little, like only a little.

It's a little problem.

It's a little problem.

A guy can't be gross now?

Good for him.

Yeah.

But like, there's a lot.

Here's another interesting thing about Mia Farrell.

Yeah.

Staunch supporter of Roman Polanski, who is a convicted Peso.

That one has always, always stuck with me the most.

And the reason it sticks with me the most is that he is.

Other level talented.

This guy is an incredible director.

Like he really does make, right?

So you have to, like,

it always affects the way people respond to things is your level of talent.

Like, what, you know, if he was like Roman the baker, you know, people wouldn't be like, you don't understand.

No, no, no.

He's this very talented guy.

And if you get into the details of this story, I've read about it.

I've watched documentaries on it.

It's like, you know,

there's no disputing certain facts, right?

He slept with a 13-year-old girl in a hot tub after giving her champagne.

Yeah.

And like, she's 13.

And by the way, in Jack Nicholson's hot tub.

Yeah.

Can you imagine, dude?

You know, my Joey Rose's sandwich shop.

Yes.

Which I want to ask you about.

But if I see a review where somebody's like, the sandwich took 30 minutes.

My stomach's on the ground.

Can you imagine you get a call from your friend and he goes, I just fucked a 13-year-old in your pool.

At your place.

And you're just like, what the fuck did you just do?

Yeah.

What?

It's insane.

Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to.

No, no, no.

It's a really crazy call to get.

Jack, it's Roman.

I got to tell you.

He's like, wait, is everything okay?

Yeah, everything's fine here.

And I didn't burn the place down.

I did do a little bit of a naughty thing, though.

Also, good news, I just sold my old murder house to the full house guy.

But here's, this is what's crazy about this story.

First of all, that you can bring it up and some people go like, you're still fucking talking, like, can you let the guy go?

He's like, wait, what?

So what happened was he, he does get convicted of this.

Yeah.

And the judge,

the judge at the time

tells him.

that he is look it says here under the plea agreement the court ordered plansky to report to a state prison for a 90-day psychiatric evaluation, granted him a stay to allow him to complete his current project.

Under the terms of the court, he traveled to complete filming.

While in Europe for filming,

he was photographed with his arms around multiple young girls, beer or whatever.

He subsequently ordered to return to California and begin his December evaluation.

He was released after 42 of the 90 scheduled days.

The lawyers for Polanski expected that Polanski would receive probation at the subsequent sentence hearing, with the probation officer examining psychiatrists and all the victims, all recommending against prison time.

Okay, during this time, Polanski lost his job as a director.

Okay.

The attorneys said that the presiding judge, Rittenban, suggested to them that he would send the director to prison and order him deported, according to this documentary, which I watched.

It's a good one.

Okay.

Wanted and desired.

Los Angeles deputy district attorney showed Rittenban the photographs of Polanski partying in Munich with young girls and said Polanski was being cavalier about the charges involving the 13-year-old girl.

This would constitute an ex-part communication.

And

he was technically a lawyer for one of the parties involved due to the work in the state of California.

Polanski then became a fugitive from justice because this judge was going to sentence him more harshly than they had been led to believe.

See, now that's interesting because I've heard people say,

well, like it or not, Polanski did his time and now he's, he didn't, though.

He fled.

He fled.

Yes.

He was a fugitive.

And France was like, what'd you do?

Fuck a kid?

Come here.

Don't care.

So he fled in 1978 where he maintained a residence.

Yeah, went to London.

Oh, he had citizenship in France.

That's interesting.

Thus avoiding the possible extradition to the United States by the United Kingdom.

So

the thing here is that the reason he fled was because they got word that the judge was like, everybody was like, oh, he's just going to get probation.

So everything's going to be like, okay.

Yeah.

And when the judge was like, oh, I see the photos.

This guy's being a dipshit about this.

We're actually, I'm going to sentence him to prison.

They were like, oh, then we're actually going to leave.

I'm going to flee.

So he, the guy never faced justice, didn't face his sentence.

And their whole thing is like, yeah, but.

The judge said he was going to do this.

And it turns out he was actually going to.

Yeah, but like,

that's the price you got to pay, right?

Yeah, they change their mind, judges change their minds, it's fine.

I'll tell you what's wild too:

these sex crime celebrities, yeah,

they're outdoing each other in the same way that like content creators are outdoing each other, you know what I mean?

Like, it keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Look, Polanski, this is an insane story.

It's a season six, it's an insane story, right?

Then you get to Weinstein, and you're like, that's a wild one.

Wow, that's really fucked up.

Then Cosby, and you're like, holy shit, I didn't think I'd see a guy that blows Weinstein out of the water.

Now Diddy.

I know.

Diddy's is like a global

conspiracy.

I'm like, what the fuck with these guys?

Joe, you forget that like Weinstein, Cosby, these guys were doing this shit in 1960-something.

Cosby starts doing this shit, right?

Or the 70s.

So it's been going on forever.

It's just now because of the Me Too movement or whatever.

People are talking.

If you look at, there's some documentary about Marilyn Monroe.

I mean, she had to sleep her way into getting roles, and both the Kennedy brothers were banging her when she died.

And you know, there's, it's always been creeparama.

Yeah.

People in power can be creeps.

Yeah.

It's just now we're, I think, finally hearing about it.

Now it's considered like, oh, yeah, that's bad.

We see that.

Yeah, when that stuff started, it was like, everybody was like, that's just how things work.

Right.

But I mean, the, the polanski one has always stood out to me mostly because there's there's kind of a universal um

thing that most people have where where you go someone's underage it's just

we don't we don't pardon it we don't go like yeah you know i get like a 13 year old you go like no like you're you're fucked dude yeah yeah you're a piece of shit and by the way you're way under Yeah, this isn't 17.

Yeah.

It's not like, guys, she was 16.

I'm sorry.

I thought she was 18.

It's like, no, dude, dude, she was 13.

You're way under.

Didn't Sinatra have sex with Mia Farrow when she was a teenager as well?

Or Mia Farrah loses her virginity to Frank Sinatra or something?

They were married.

And she was a minor.

No, I don't think she was a minor.

Oh, okay, never mind.

Well, she was 19.

Yeah.

No, so she wasn't a minor, but

that's serious.

She was swag, dude.

He was 50.

Yeah.

And she was 19.

But I'll also say this about Sinatra.

Huge guy.

as an almost 50-year-old man, I don't think I would ever date a 19-year-old.

Why?

I just, what the fuck do you talk about?

Oh, my God.

I don't even know.

Cartoons.

Things you're into.

Music.

Baba.

No, I don't, you know what I mean?

But I will say this about Sinatra.

He was married many times, and that's the only time he married a woman that young.

If every time he married somebody, it was that young, that's when I would start to be like, What are you doing?

What are you doing when you're not marrying them?

Yeah, you know what I mean?

But this always existed with child brides and um McKenzie.

I'm sorry, no, no, I'm just thinking back to my time.

Like, I was getting into goth clubs when I was 14

with a bullshit fake ID.

I had to be 18, like, no one cares.

Oh, when I was back then,

when I was coming up in the, I guess, I guess I'm more a child of the 90s than the 80s because high school, eighth grade and high school was the 90s.

Yeah.

94 I graduated high school.

When I was, when I was, it was like not,

it was not that weird if a 22-year-old dude was dating a 16-year-old girl.

Like,

nobody was like, right on, but none of the parents weren't like, no, no, no, no, no.

It was kind of just like, ah, okay.

I guess, isn't she kind of young?

The thing with Polanski, you keep going back to is like, he's 43.

Yeah.

He's 43, dude.

He's 43 and she's 13.

So he's a pediophile for sure.

Yeah,

yeah, buddy.

That's a good guy.

Great movies.

Yeah.

And her, by the way, this is, we all got onto this because of Mia Farrow.

Her brother is a convicted and jailed pedal.

Mia's?

No.

There's so much shit about Mia Pharaoh that gets left out of that discussion

that nobody brings up.

And it starts to, and again, I don't know if the guy's guilty or not.

I wasn't fucking there.

But it's like it definitely muddies the waters of the conversation.

Well, especially if,

you know, she's a victim of something, too.

You don't know what kind of thing she grew up in.

She could have been groomed from a very early age and not see a problem with doing certain things.

In Woody Allen's biography.

Let's see this cool guy's face.

What's it?

He has an autobiography that he read.

That he reads the I have the audiobook of it throughout the book.

Because he talks about how Mia Farrow said that I read Sunyi.

She said that she was retorted on this stuff.

So throughout the book,

he'll go,

people say, like, what is it?

What, how does your marriage work?

And I say, communication.

For instance, I'll say to my wife, Sunyi, as a rape retarded person.

Really?

What are your thoughts on the economy?

That's hilarious.

It's really funny.

Yeah.

Anyway, that's very funny.

Well, what else we got?

We covered Hitler.

what a good day here's a fun

this is fun check this out

so this lady is a news anchor um let's see the uh area she's in this is uh from albany new york she claimed that during this shift to do the news she had sleep deprivation and exhaustion you tell me what you think was going on okay all right so well hello good afternoon like i was telling you this morning if you watched us this morning, starting at 6 a.m., 7 a.m., I told you, you know what?

Today, what a beautiful day outside.

It is just amazing.

You know, the exhibit is open until August, so you can still check that out.

Discover Schenectady, you should really check that out.

They do so many good things in Schenectady, the leaders there.

But moving on tonight, we have to tell you also, you know, like

the thing in the area and across the

area in the nation.

Let me tell you about this.

A four-year-old girl is actually dead.

Another man is coming to life.

She's actually dead.

Yeah.

Keep her employed.

I hope she does it this way every day.

I mean, the hair.

The hair.

I know.

This is what I love.

And I don't mean to be shitty, but it's like, lady, you already got a trailer trash aesthetic going on.

You're lucky to be on TV.

She's coming in shit out.

6 a.m.

news.

This is not the 5 o'clock.

She needs up at 3 a.m.

You've been watching us since this morning.

And we are just lucky.

This weekend right here is so amazing.

Meteorologist Craig Adams is right here with your

Craig Adams.

Why did I say that?

And of course, just like me, meteorologist Craig Gold is working a double shift.

All right, you know, tonight for more Saturday baseball the New York Mets back in action in New York Series against our National League rival Miami Marlins.

You know how much we love the Mets?

Is there any video of her outside of this where she's not hammered?

For sure.

For sure.

I would love to see.

Yeah.

Looks like Ron Burgundy.

Yeah.

Yes, that's perfect.

The microphone part?

Oh, my God.

These guys are going to love this.

You know,

with favorite people, huh?

Five people died.

Here, at least her not hammering.

Former President Donald Trump and his newly picked running mate from T.D.

Vance of Ohio campaigned in the key election state of Michigan today.

It was Trump's first rally since last Saturday's event in Pennsylvania that turned tragic with an attempt on his life.

TBS says Kelly Bond reports.

Yes, there you go.

I mean, she's spied on here.

Why did I say that?

You should really check that out.

She was spied on there.

She was great there.

Maybe she was sleeping.

She said she's working a double.

Maybe, is there a chance like she was?

I guess.

I mean, there's something else is there, right?

Like, something.

Maybe an ambient.

I think an ambient tried to sleep for three hours and then

four-year-olds is actually dead.

That was crazy.

People kill people.

Reminds me of Maria, your sister.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, you guys.

This news today is crazy.

Yeah.

Everything's so crazy in the world.

It's like fucked up.

That's why I don't watch this shit.

But I'll tell you what's going on.

That's totally how she would do the news.

I know.

Totally.

Yes.

Yes.

Seriously?

I'm just talking about it.

So fucking blue.

Shay.

This sounds to me, this news lady, when she said the thing about the double, I feel like that's like, can you believe they're making us work a fucking double?

But we're drinking.

We're drinking double.

Fuck them.

We're drinking.

That's what it is.

And it got away from her.

Wait, I want to ask you this before, just for people to know, where did you shoot I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, the new special?

So

I live between here and Pennsylvania,

and there's a small town in Pennsylvania called Phoenixville,

and it's right next to the town I grew up in.

I really love Phoenixville quite a bit.

And there's a historic theater there called the Colonial Theater.

It's where they shot the, if you ever saw the blob, the one from the 50s.

The scenes in the movie theater and then the scenes where they're all running out of the movie theater because the blob attacks.

That was all shot at this theater in Phoenixville.

So it's a historic landmark.

And I shot the special in one of the rooms in Phoenixville.

So I basically got to shoot a special in my hometown.

That's very cool.

And it was very, very cool.

The aesthetic of the place really matched the aesthetic we were going for in the special because it's a very

I keep calling it

a hopeless comedy special.

Like it's it's it's it's it's all it's all funny and it's all very casual, but it's very negative.

There's just zero hope in the whole thing.

It's just about, it's about we're done.

We've declined.

It's never going to get over.

It's over.

It's over.

So, yeah, it was fun.

I mean, doesn't this feel like, I mean, first of all, congrats on that.

Thank you.

And if you want to watch it, you got to go to Joe's YouTube channel to I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

Also, again, check them out live.

Tickets are at JoeDeRosa.com.

And the channel's at Joe DeRosa Comedy.

But it does kind of feel like

this is the end of an empire, doesn't it?

Like the whole feels like everything's tipped.

Yeah,

I've never

felt.

I mean,

I know I'm.

I get it.

I have certain fantasies I go to when I feel a little hopeless.

One of them, like when I start getting in the existential crisis place, I have certain fantasies that I go to, and they're by degree of how bad things are.

So, my low-level one is Best Buy.

I think about leaving everything and working at Best Buy because my theory is: you never go into Best Buy mad.

You're going in to buy a TV or a computer or an Xbox.

Everybody in there is in a good mood.

I'm like, wouldn't it be nice just to talk to a guy about cables?

Just what, what kind of cable do you need, sir?

Are you looking for a charger?

Whatever.

It's so that's my that's my low level one.

My high-level one is emptying out my bank account and buying the nicest RV I can buy

and just that's it.

I kind of like that.

I'm just done.

And I'm having that one a lot lately.

That's a good one.

That's a one I would act on.

That's a good one.

I mean because you could live out the rest of your days that way if you picked the right country to live in.

Yeah.

Wouldn't you just take that thing, just go out west?

You know what I mean?

Like to the to the Pacific Northwest somewhere.

Yeah, I'd go.

I'd spend a lot of time up there.

I'd go to Utah.

I'd go to,

I drove across, I bought, I have a Ford Bronco and I bought it.

I actually was in LA just for work.

And when I was there, I saw the Broncos.

It was because it was right after COVID and you couldn't get them.

It was like my dream.

I was like, I want one of those.

The new ones?

Fucking Broncos.

Yeah.

And I saw one all black, black tinted windows, black rims.

I was like, that's the fucking car.

I want it.

Murder.

And this place had it.

And I bought it.

And I was like, well, I got to get it back to New York where I live.

So I drove it.

and I had nothing but time.

So, dude, I took three weeks to drive across the country.

I kept stopping.

I was zigzagging.

It was one of the best experiences of my entire life.

That's so cool.

That's nice.

That's so cool.

It was amazing.

I was at utter peace out there.

The second I drove through the Lincoln Tunnel.

I wanted to kill myself again.

And it was all just, it was just back to the shit.

But

those areas, when you get out into those mountains, you know,

it was amazing.

And people are like, did you take a lot of pictures?

I'm like, no, I didn't.

And well, why?

You saw this beautiful stuff.

And

I had this thing that I was out there, not to get corny, but I had this thing while I was out there where I was like, you don't take pictures of the God moments.

You take pictures of the people moments.

If I meet you guys in a bar and I'm traveling and we're strangers and we start having drinks and all of a sudden I'm like, I met these two really cool people that I never would.

That's what you, we take a selfie.

Remember those two people?

They were cool.

Yeah.

What you don't do is take a picture when you're standing on the edge of a fucking canyon.

Yeah.

And your iPhone is not capturing this.

Right.

So just take it in.

Take in the God moment and just go, I saw that.

It's somewhere in here.

Yeah.

You know, it was such a great experience, man.

I, I don't know.

I haven't done a road trip in so long now.

Like it's been so long.

They're tough to do.

You know, it's

you got to make sure everything back home is,

you know, taken care of, which is a lot, especially you guys have kids and stuff, you know, like that's a lot.

And then,

you know, to be able to do it,

it's there,

they're hard to do because the ultimate goal with a road trip is you want it to be open-ended.

Yeah.

You want it to be where there is no trajectory or whatever, and you can end up anywhere at any point in any time, like on a whim.

But that's hard to do the older you get, you know?

You're like, no, we have a two-week window.

So,

but

anyway,

the uh, RV fantasy is,

I start having that when I really feel like society, I'm just like, I don't understand what's going on anymore.

And the more I see AI shit, I it's fucking freaking me out.

I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable.

I think it's normal, it's healthy to be uh apprehensive about it.

Oh, you are

is that AI?

Yeah, that's horrible.

Oh, my God,

That's perfect.

Oh, my God.

Please send me that.

This is your fantasy.

You look so good.

Isn't it cool to see your fantasy?

I would love this.

Look how much happier.

You look so thrilled to be working there.

I know.

So you're buying a TV, huh?

Yeah.

What do you want that for?

To watch the news?

You fucking idiot.

Do you know Jeff Tate, the comedian Jeff Tate?

He's so funny.

He says a bit about having worked at Best Buy.

It is so fucking funny.

And the bit, which I'm sorry to butcher, but is

that when you work there,

there's like a Bible under the registers for the, you know, the different stations that tell you, there's Jeff Tate, tells you the lowest price you can actually sell something for that like customers don't know.

So when sometimes he would, like, people would be like, oh, I want, you know, I like this TV, but it's $1,100.

You know, what if you guys could do it for like $900?

And then Jeff would go, What about $700?

And they would be like, Wait, what?

He's like, $650, best I can do.

And they're like, Sure.

So he would start giving people deals because be like, fuck, Best Buy.

So wait, you can barter at Best Buy?

I guess that's what, yeah, but people don't know.

So that must be, because you know, they honor the price match.

Yeah.

So they must know

what the price match is.

Okay, lowest price you can get this for is Amazon for this much.

And then, but they make you say it and prove it.

Yeah.

Because I always have to show them on my phone.

This is being sold by Amazon.

It's $300 cheaper or whatever.

And then they'll match it.

Yeah, and they're like, okay, you know.

That's crazy that they do.

Yeah, but his bit about it is so fucking hilarious.

That's fucking wild.

Yeah, Jeff's funny.

Where does Jeff live now?

Now he lives in Portland.

Nice.

Yeah, Portland, Oregon.

But yeah, I'm with him on the road all the time.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah.

That's great.

Can you really haggle at Best Buy?

Yes.

Is this from his bit?

Or is this, what is this?

No, I just Googled negotiating at Best Buy.

First, when we go shopping towards the end of the month, Best Buy gives its floor managers sales goals, and they really want to hit them.

Yeah.

That is wild.

How new is this article?

No date.

But the thing is,

the main thing you have to do is ask, right?

You have to ask.

You got any wiggle room on that?

You just ask.

I just never would have imagined

a corporate store you could do that it's a it's a revelation man but um my mom who's a fucking peruvian goes into like department stores and she's like how about 50 i'm like mom this is bloomingdales like they're not gonna

do they do it no of course not they're like oh you crazy lady

you can't negotiate here this is insane man that that's a thing that's a real thing holy shit um all right let me show you these real quick before we we uh

you just tell me whether this falls under horrible or hilarious to you.

Okay, fair.

So far, I like it.

It's a palette, Jack.

Yeah.

Still looking at your phone.

You should be looking up, sir.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm going to go hilarious on that one.

You know why?

It's because it's the angle.

So we just see somebody go down and we don't see the aftermath and the broken bones and the screaming and everything that i mean it could get funnier it could get funnier yeah i like the audio on this i know the audio would be great the audio really would be great um i mean it's just insane what is

all right i won't go down that route just like what's going on so my father had a forklift business for like his whole life and um

He would teach forklift safety to people, and he's like, you'd be so surprised how stupid people are.

They're getting drunk, operating forklifts, operating this stuff.

It happens a lot.

People get hurt a lot.

The drunks, especially.

Yeah, because a lot of these guys are drunks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I don't know.

I mean, back in my dad's day, they were drinking.

Because he worked with like Romanians and shit, you know, Eastern Europeans.

Also, the cost, excuse me, the cost of up, the cost of the upkeep of thorough training is

fucking impossible.

It's so hard.

It's so hard.

To operate a business the way you're supposed to, it is so expensive.

So much.

Yeah.

Especially that stuff.

That's like warehouse equipment.

Jesus fucked.

That guy is mega fucked.

What was he dragging?

That thing he was dragging looked heavy.

Yeah, it was a pallet jacket.

It was a pallet jacket.

Yeah.

Jesus.

So this is at an intersection, and you see the guy in the bucket.

He's working on the.

Oh, I hate this shit.

I would never do this job.

I'm so afraid of this.

The music's crazy.

And the truck just.

That's fucked up.

That's not cool, dude.

That's horrible.

It's pretty horrible.

Luckily, though, the guy in there, this is a great lesson, is wearing his harness.

Yeah.

So that's why he doesn't fall out and die.

Yeah.

He took his safety training.

He took his safety training because probably it's probably state-funded safety training

instead of privately.

Yeah, no, exactly.

Now, does the truck stop?

I don't know.

Did not even know it hit him.

I don't think it knows for a second, but yeah, I don't know know if it stopped or not or kept going.

Yeah, that's horrible.

Not his fault.

Yeah, not his fault.

This is going to be good.

Joe DeRosa, DeRosa sandwiches.

Joey Rosa.

That's your sandwich.

Oh!

Oh, you're allowed.

Can I tell you something?

There is nothing worse than being fat and

getting in an accident while eating, even if it's not your fault.

It's the worst fucking imaginable thing that happens to a fat guy.

Every time I've ever been eating and fat in a car, you're just like, I hope no one sees me.

I hope nothing bad happens.

Like, your nightmare is this.

This is the worst.

He's like,

he's choking and he's like, I'm fat.

I'm fucking eating.

And creamy food makes it worse.

Oh, yeah.

It's like it's creamy.

It's covered in mayo and shit.

I can't tell if that's an Eclair or a chicken salad.

I don't know what the hell is that.

What kind of sand do you use it?

I think it's a channel.

Yeah, the the squish out.

It's like a chicken.

He drops it on his stomach.

Oh!

Fuck.

And right now he's going, do I keep eating?

Do I spit this out?

And he's mad that he dropped a sandwich.

Of course he's mad.

It's like, fuck, those are good ones.

Next thought is like, as soon as this gets resolved, I'm going to get another sandwich.

Yep.

The spill on the belly right before it happens.

Because the spill makes him look down and not see.

Uh-oh, man.

That guy hit him full fucking speed, man.

Yeah.

That was gnarly.

This is a job because it's a dashboard cam facing him, right?

So this is his means of employment.

So his boss is going to be like, you fat fuck, you were eating again?

I told you not to eat in my car.

I got to tell you something.

I don't know if we have discussed this.

You're the only one that leaves crumbs in here, Jimmy.

I love sandwiches.

Oh.

And you have a sandwich place.

I do.

I've never been to it.

That's cool.

Thank you.

That's funny.

Is there a sandwich place?

No, I want to go.

awesome tell me what is like what are the what are the because i've actually asked i'm like i know de rosa's got a sandwich and that people have told me they're like oh it's really good yeah it's uh we're very lucky uh people enjoy the sandwiches as much as we hoped they would it's called uh joey roses it's on rivington street 174 rivington in the lower east side neighborhood of new york city uh

and yeah it's um we you know it just was kind of born out of the idea that

i just kind of hit a well I started kind of creating a lot of these when I lived in LA and it was kind of hard to find East Coast style sandwiches out there and then I started writing the recipes down then I felt like I was on to a few things and

but the reason we opened the shop was I was frustrated with New York I was tired of not being able to find these east coast style sandwiches easily and then when you did find them

they were like $17, $18, $20, you know, I was like, there's got to be a better way to do this.

And that was the sort of mission statement of

the place.

And the comedy community has been incredibly, incredibly supportive.

You know, there's Atel and Coojine came through.

And

the fans have been coming through.

Rogan,

bless his heart, man.

Like, he's shouted us out so many times.

It's really a beautiful thing.

I'm going back in a couple months.

I'm definitely going to go.

Please.

Let me know when you're going to to go.

I'd love to.

I'd love to.

I love, I mean, I love like the description.

Like, I love these style sandwiches, man.

The craziest

person that came was,

so I was at Mothership one night and Bradley Cooper was there.

And I was talking to Bradley Cooper about his cheesesteak place because he has a cheesesteak place in New York.

And I was like, hey, dude, we're both from Philly.

I actually want to talk to you about your cheesesteaks.

And he's like, oh, right on, dude.

So we started talking.

And I was like, yeah, I have have a sandwich place.

I go, I'm doing the opposite, we just do cold sandwiches.

He's like, No, wait, we talked for like an hour about sandwiches, and I was like, What made you do cheese steaks?

And he's like, I couldn't find them in LA, so I started making them myself.

I'm like, Dude, that's what I did.

So, there was all this weird like kinship in the backstory.

And then he gave me his number and he's like, I want to come by sometime.

And I'm like, Cool.

And the next day,

I'll never forget this.

I was sitting across the room from my phone and I was like, I want to text Bradley

and say, hi.

It was nice to meet you.

And I felt like, I was like, don't do that.

I was like, I was so in my head about it.

And I went and looked at my phone and he texted me.

And he goes, bro, I just got off the plane.

I'm headed to your shop.

Tell me what to get right now.

And I was like, oh my God.

And he got like four sandwiches.

Insisted on paying, which I thought was really cool of him.

Because I was like, dude, we'll hook you up.

He's like, fuck that, dude.

Come on.

And then he FaceTimed me from his car.

Eating the sandwich.

Eating it.

And he goes, fucking sick, bro.

It was nuts.

It was so cool, man.

That's awesome.

He's the man.

But yeah,

the entertainment community, fans and performers alike, have been so sad.

Also, I got to say, looking at that and thinking about New York, they're 10 bucks.

It says 10 bucks for all.

They're 10 bucks now.

Yeah,

I will admit that,

you know, despite what our original mission statement was, it's getting harder and harder.

These eight are 10.

These were eight when we opened.

Jesus, man.

We had to up them to 10.

That's why it's called the hard eight.

It was eight sandwiches.

I just for eight bucks a piece.

Two years, maybe?

You can raise the price.

We have specialty sandwiches that go up to 16.

Yeah, that makes sense.

But I can't, and I'm not trying to martyr myself or sound like a great guy.

You know, I'm truly not.

Like, it it kills me that we have to go as high as even i guess these are 14 to go as high as even 14 like it bothers me man but i know but that's look these that's still a really great price point especially in manhattan that's nuts that's dude we were just in la

and i went to this uh to this gym yeah and then i was like oh After the workout, they were like, oh, there's a place over there.

I was going to like, I always wanted something like, oh, they have protein shakes.

Like, yeah, they have smoothies, protein shakes.

And one of the guys is like, kind of expensive.

And I just like clocked it.

And I was like, all right.

I go over there.

I get a fucking just, hey, can I get the super protein smoothie?

$23.

What?

So I was like, what?

And he's like,

I go for one.

He was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, it's $23 for the smoothie.

That's that's fucking crazy.

Crazy.

So dumb.

Crazy.

But Angelinos have a different scale of like.

But so does, I mean, Manhattan.

That's crazy.

Manhattan is getting crazy.

Now, look, here's the thing:

there's the required

higher pricing because it's like we have to keep our lights on.

Yeah.

And then there's the people that are like, you know, we can get away with a lot more than what we're trying to do.

Right, right, right.

And fuck those people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck those people.

And, you know, I won't name names, but, you know, there are a few delis.

Well, there's one in particular

in New York that gouge people.

At this point, it's like, I think it's $26 a sandwich.

What?

Bring up old.

Don't you dare give them publicity.

I know.

Can you bleep what I've...

Yeah.

Yeah, there it is.

I won't say the name.

Let's see what the price on that sandwich is right now.

$28.95 for

me?

$30.

$28.95.

And guess what?

Well, I can say whatever because I'm not saying their name.

They don't even fucking make it in-house.

They don't make it in-house.

No,

I met these guys that worked at a firehouse, and they were like, dude, you should come down on Thursday night to the firehouse.

I was like, why?

It's a weird invite, you know?

And they were like, we got the guy that makes the pastrami for X.

He's bringing us that pastrami.

And like, we do a sandwich night.

It's awesome.

And I go, wait a minute, what do you mean the guy that makes it?

And he goes, yeah, that's who they get it.

I go, they don't even fucking make it there.

It's embarrassing.

That's terrible.

And you know what?

Their matzo ball soup looks like shit.

I can tell.

Right, Josh?

Dog shit.

Dog shit.

No noodles in there.

This is a great

whit the ball.

Chris, line out the fucking corner.

Line around the fucking corner.

Oh, you're calling me Chris?

Yeah, I was calling you Chris.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like that for sure.

I'm sure it's endearing.

Line around the fucking block.

For this piece of shit?

Yeah,

because everybody's a fucking idiot.

Can I tell you something?

Can I tell you something?

I'm a good judge of food from photos, being a road dog for so many years.

This shit sucks.

Well, these photos are

of your Sandy's, a thousand times better than this dog shit.

Look at these lines.

Get the fuck out of here.

That's totally why that price goes that way.

It's a tourist thing.

Were they in like...

We shot a movie scene here once.

Yeah, that's what it is.

This is dog shit.

Yeah.

You know, that's.

It was already an institution, I think, but this really put it.

So we need to just film something at your place and then bada bing.

We shot a couple things there, but nothing that's reached this second.

You wait and see.

You put it out there as a location.

It's a blowjob scene there.

Let's go to get the fucking BJ there and let all the magic take.

I wish you could send us Sandy's, but then they wouldn't be fresh, right?

No, there's a way to mail them where it's it's good enough, but it's not ideal.

But we did a pop-up during South by Southwest.

Here.

Next time we do it, we'll send you a platter.

Please, please.

We sent one to the mothership and then to Esther's Follies.

We sent them to all the sixth streets.

Hey, we're still here, man.

You can send it here next time.

Yeah, I will.

Yeah.

Oh, yours are way better.

I can tell already.

I love your PBJ with the chips in it.

Thank you.

That's brilliant.

I was proud of that one.

That's brilliant.

I was proud of that one.

And that's got to be fresh because you want the crunchiness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the chips that we hopefully are usually ruffled.

Sometimes you can't get ruffled.

Yeah, that other place, man.

That's Kebra.

That place is

Key, bro.

It's just fucking bad.

Will you call me Chris forever?

I'll call you Chris.

Nobody calls me that.

I'll call you Chris forever.

That's only you, though.

You're the only person.

No one calls me that.

That's why I didn't

ever called you that?

I don't let them because it makes me feel like I'm a lesbian tennis player, so I never do it.

My whole life, I don't want to be called Chris.

But for you, I'll let it happen.

You're not a lesbian.

Oh.

I'm not a lesbian.

That is right.

Wait, you might have had these.

They are a guy.

She wasn't there.

Oh, she wasn't there.

I may have had.

I don't recall, though.

I don't think I was remember.

They were all

right.

They're fucking great.

Thank you.

We're all big fans in here.

All right.

Look, we have to wrap up.

Yeah.

This was so funny.

Congratulations, Joe.

The new special, I never promised you a Rose Garden, is on his YouTube channel.

Go get tickets to see Joe live at joe derosa.com.

And always good to see you, man.

Dude, great to see you guys.

I really appreciate you having me on.

It's really nice.

Anytime.

Anytime.

We'll see you guys next week.

Bye, mommy.

You're obviously a smart girl.

You're attracted to me.

I'm attracted to you.

You're attracted to me.

Look, man, you're obviously attracted to me.

You're a smart girl.

Look, man, you're obviously attracted to me.

I'm attracted to you.

You're attracted to me.

We could do six or eight.

You're obviously a smart girl.

You're attracted to me.

We could do six or eight.

Look, man?

You're obviously attracted to me.

We could do six or eight.

You're obviously a smart girl.

You're attracted to me.

We could do six or eight.

You're obviously attracted to me.

We are obviously two catches that have actually come together.

Here are two catches that have come together.

We are two catches that have come together.

We are obviously two catches that have actually come together.

Here are two catches that have come together.

We could do six or eight.

we could do six or eight.

We are obviously two catches that have actually uh come together.

We are two catches that have come together.

Literally, the best hidden kept gem in the city.

We are obviously two catches that have actually uh come together.

We are two catches that have come together.

We could do six or eight, we could do six or eight.

We are two catches that have come together.

We are two catches that have come together.

We are two catches that have come together.

We are two catches that have come together.