Steph Tolev is NAUSEATED By Cool Guys | Your Mom's House Ep. 814

Get ready, Milwaukee.

I'll be filming my live special taping of my come together tour in Milwaukee on Saturday, November 15th at the Riverside Theater.

Get your tickets to the special taping during the pre-sale today at 10 a.m.

local time with the code word Tommy.

I'll also be in Atlantic City, New Jersey next weekend for two shows at Hard Rock Live at Etus Arena on Friday, June 20th and Saturday, June 21st.

Tickets and all info are at tomsagura.com/slash tour.

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

I am so excited for this spa day.

Candles lit, music on, hot tub warm and ready.

And then my chronic hives come back.

Again, in the middle of my spa day, what a wet blanket.

Looks like another spell of itchy red skin.

If you have chronic spontaneous urticaria or CSU, there is a different treatment option.

Hives during my next spa day?

Not if I can help it.

Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

And we are back and joining us today is one of our absolute favorites.

Don't forget her new special comes out June 24th on Netflix.

It's called Filth Queen.

Please welcome Steph Tolum, everybody.

Hey!

Thank you.

Steph, you look amazing.

I've shed a a couple LBs.

Yeah, you're in the best shape.

Put down the hot dogs, put down the old

Sipperinis, and here we are.

You look fit.

I thank you.

I am strong.

Yeah.

Strong as hell.

Yeah?

I think so.

My legs are strong.

Do you like the weight training?

I hate it.

Okay.

This morning, working out of my hotel, bragging, a woman was doing yoga, and her husband was in there watching her.

Just

like, just no, like waiting for a man to look at her.

And I was like, buddy, she's a butterface over here, so I don't know what you're looking at.

No one's coming in here talking to her.

It was like really protective.

Yeah.

And it was weird because her face was so ugly.

I feel so bad saying it, but it was hideous.

And her body, I was like, God, what a waste.

Great body.

Great bod.

Or like, what an improvement.

Because if I, I think if I had an uglier face, I would be working on the bod a lot more.

Excuse me, what do you think?

I'm over here working out.

I literally, my main reason was to lose weight for the special because I was like, I honestly God, I didn't want people to say that I was fat, ugly, and a trans.

And I was like, I could be the two.

Let's get fat out of there.

Ugly, trans, keep it in, get the fat the fuck out of there.

It's so great to recognize the,

when you know the shoot's coming up, because when I had the, I shot the series back in October, it was like midsummer last year, and I was like, oh, I gotta fucking dial it in.

You're fit.

You're very fit.

I've gained, since we rapped, I've gained 10, 12 pounds.

Oh, shit.

Because I was so determined to try to like lean down.

I know, I got to do it again.

I got to do it again.

You just have to stay in that place of self-loathing

and restraint all the time.

It's good for you mentally.

It's good for you.

But I go back and forth between like self-restraint.

I'm not doing anything bad.

And then I just go up.

Like now I'm drinking wine every night.

And then, you know what I mean?

Five days later, I'm like, oh, I should rein it in.

Is that what everybody does?

It is.

But it's also, I feel like, as a woman at this age, you have one piece of meat and you're fucking swollen.

I'm like, the next morning, I have my double chins back.

I'm like, what the fuck am I doing right now?

What's your favorite food?

Oh, fuck, ravioli.

Suck back some chef moier d right now.

Put it in a bowl.

The canned kind of

trash.

I'm disgusting.

I like that one, too.

You like pasta.

Yeah, but like, but no, meats, a steakhouse.

I fucking fuck with a steak and a Bernouse.

I'm gonna sauce it up.

I love a dip, of a sauce, sauce, gravy, French food,

rich, buttery sauce.

Buttery dippies.

Bue blanc.

Dippy dippies.

Yeah.

Yeah, your Canadian treat.

What's your favorite poutine?

It's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

Did you like Norm's famous poutine?

No, I haven't had that one.

You haven't had that one?

No.

Oh, my God.

I'll pull it up for you.

We have like a whole video of how he makes it.

It's unbelievable.

Is it good?

Yes.

You say this, and it's some weird video of a guy rolling cheese curls out of his people.

It's delicious.

And you did it to me last time.

I'm like, oh, what is this?

And it was some man getting ass railed.

And I was like, I ate whatever this is.

It's not us.

We don't.

Yeah.

Okay.

And

it is you guys.

Except, we've matured.

It's changed a lot.

Okay.

Yeah, we've changed a lot.

I'm waiting for a dick to be one of those fries right now.

I'm just waiting for it.

Just before.

God, I love it.

We'll do a whole poutine thing here in a minute.

I love poutine.

It's so good.

I think the first time I had it was like when I went for the Montreal Comedy Festival.

Yeah, me too.

I hadn't ever experienced it.

I was like, oh, shit.

This is fantastic.

Because you need the squeaky curds.

That's the main thing.

Yeah.

Squeaky curds, and you need the beef gravy.

I like that gravy.

Gravies.

Can they put it on anything else?

They should put it on like pasta.

Can they put it on pasta?

I don't know, dude.

Yeah, that should slap.

Especially when you're drunk walking around.

Oh, the Belle Provence, that disgusting place where the men that work there are like wet.

Like they get like punch in, and their fingers like slip off the couch dress.

They're so there, like you could wring their dicks out.

They're all like a pile of oil.

Oh, yeah.

The pores are so deep.

It's so gross.

Good food.

It is delicious.

See, the hot dog poutine.

Did you go to Montreal a lot as a, like, growing up, or was that kind of

drink younger, you could drink at 17.

Doesn't it feel crazy even though you're from like what I always felt when I went there, you're like, oh, I feel like I'm 4,000 miles away.

It doesn't feel like you're crazy.

It doesn't feel like you're anywhere.

It was a five-hour drive from Toronto.

So my parents let me borrow my car.

We'd go when I was 16.

We'd lie and say we were 17 and get into all the bars.

Amazing.

Oh, yeah.

And I was.

quite a little kissy-kissy.

Those French boys didn't care about the nose.

They liked the old French Nazarene.

I was getting fingered left, right, and center on those bars.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Just fingers.

I wasn't a, I was, I'm not going to go all the way, but I let them finger me in a dark alley.

Yeah.

That's sweet of you.

It was cold.

I kept their fingers warm.

Yeah, of course.

I'm not thoughtful.

I'm a nice gal.

Fingers warm could be a good name.

Finger warmer?

Finger warmer?

Yeah.

I'll do that for my hustler shoot.

Put your fingers in here, boys.

Warm them up.

We've been talking about this.

So before we got on camera, you're going to do a hustler shoot.

I am.

Legs spread.

Ankles over the head.

Let's look up some poses for you to press.

If I did legs over the head, I would become a paraplegic.

My legs would never tap down.

I swear to God, if you lock my legs back there, we're screwed.

Why Why don't you do one of those two cock poses?

You know what I mean?

That I can do.

I can do two cocks.

I don't know if my boyfriend would love that.

I can do two cocks.

No, I'm not doing a full spread.

Well, let's discuss what you're going to do.

Should we plan?

I mean, we don't.

I will say.

What about on the knees?

Knees is good.

Looking back.

Right?

Hold on.

But looking back and spreading one cheek.

So you spread with one cheek.

See the butthole?

Butthole.

Yeah, butthole.

No, I can't be showing my anus is a mess.

We were talking in the bathroom.

I got hemroids.

The whole thing.

That's not hustler.

What is that?

If that's hustler, I'm fucked.

no we want we want a hustler that woman on the beach sand in your pussy do you know how many sand fleas are down there it's upsetting think about how your thighs look like when you're on your knees your my thighs don't look great my legs are my only good quality oh so i can slop around the legs it's the pussy and the the tits and the ass and the asshole that are the problem

it's everything else that's the problem yeah so maybe we'll just do just legs you could do these Some of these are okay.

Okay, yeah, like the forward lean with the boot.

I can push the boots forward.

That's nice.

That's nice.

Put somebody else in a one piece.

Give me a one-piece.

How about that?

Do you have a nice?

That one with the dropping.

I can do the dropping.

I can do the no-pussy-out.

This is nice.

Oh, right.

It's just covering.

I mean, I need a little bit more fabric there, I'll tell you that.

Just see a little bit.

Everybody's tits look good like that.

That's why they're not.

Yeah, that's pushy-pushy.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good pose.

Can we see a little more hardcore?

Yeah, let's see what I'm up against here.

Let's see a little bit more

anus.

Spread.

Yeah, the spread.

Also, I wouldn't need to spread.

One hand spread.

But take cover out of there.

Okay, these ones are okay.

Hoses, like hustler magazine.

So there's there is tits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's going to be pretty.

These are pretty sweat.

Because they look better when they're oiled.

Yeah, they do look oiled up.

They look nice oiled.

Oh, how about that?

With the legs spread right there?

Do I bring in my own oiler?

Oh, that's nice.

What's the life spread?

Like that.

That's nice.

Oh,

my.

Just do that.

It's nice.

And we're going to talk about your shoot.

Eddie's going to talk about it.

If I do that, I will lose every fan I've ever had.

Or you'll gain some.

I'll gain ones that I don't want.

Oh, there's Jules Ventura, yeah.

But that's a hard pose for me to do.

That wouldn't be flattering for me.

That's all my laby would be dragging on the floor.

That pose is awesome.

That would hurt my knees.

Do you have a heavy labyrinth?

Yes.

Well, I'd be peeking around.

Or like where you're holding your leg up.

See how that one there, she's holding her leg up?

That's right.

Like that?

But look how, look at that vagina.

I call that the old two lines in a hole.

There's not a lot of

hemorrhoids or she's got a pimple by her asshole.

No, they'll airbrush out the hemorrhoids.

Everybody's got hemorrhoids.

Look, they didn't for her.

That's really sweet.

That's a nice pose.

That's sweet.

That's really sweet.

It does look childlike.

There's a nice, you know what it is, the lighting.

It's a soft lighting.

Well, that's the tough part, Steph.

You should practice now your angles and finding your angles.

I'll tell you what.

That's serious.

Crane.

Get the camera in a crane, hover it over a street here.

Angles are way up or going up.

Imagine seeing yourself.

There you go.

There you go.

That's what you gotta do.

Okay, that one I could do.

Everything's covered.

No panties, no bra, but like just like that.

I have a hairy ass.

I'm gonna have to wax everything.

This is gonna be a lot.

This is gonna be a good thing.

Yeah, you better before the shoot.

Oh, what am I thinking?

And you're growing it out now.

Everything waxed.

Dude, that's gonna be so cool.

Is it just you, or can you have a male partner in it?

Or is it?

I think it's just me.

It's just you.

Yeah.

You and your butthole.

Nothing else.

Yeah.

I just put a massaging to who guys, my asshole.

Me and my partner.

There he is.

Dude, if you put little, if you did a little, like the groucho on my asshole,

I'll do that.

That's funny.

That is funny.

You will go viral.

That is, oh my goodness gracious.

So nice.

How does she do that?

That's rad.

Wow.

She's awesome.

That's

it.

That kind of looks like you.

Oh, my God.

I was like, is that you?

The girl to the right?

The double.

Look at that.

Perfect.

The two of them.

The two of them.

Two gals hanging out.

You know what the funny thing is?

Just two girls have two girls goofing off.

This could be you and me, Bernanette.

Just do it.

Come do it with me.

Everybody in this pose is happy.

Look at all the, they're always happy.

Are they?

They look kind of like, if you zoom in, they look like they're really struggling.

No, they look so calm.

I was going to say.

I think they look like they're strained a bitch.

They love it.

Very bizarre pose.

I'll take the pillow underneath my body, please.

Yeah, look, like, look, that looks crazy.

God, buttholes are so gross.

They really are.

They are so gross.

Yes.

Steph, you and I should recreate this post.

Oh, God.

Look at that.

It's so open.

Can I tell you something?

I hate it.

I don't think spread it too.

The spread is too hard.

I'm not a doctor.

I know.

I don't like that spread.

Because also, what is that in there?

What's that piece?

I don't know what that.

I don't have it.

You might have a piece.

You're looking at it.

What is that piece?

Is that piece real?

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No, do we have the piece?

Tom, does she have the piece?

It looks like a larynx.

What is the piece, babe?

It looks like if you're gutting a chicken, there's like a piece in there.

You're focused so much on the cooch and her butthole.

Like, look at that tit situation going on.

I didn't even notice it right now.

To be honest, Steph, you should practice your spread if you choose to do it.

How far are you going to spread?

If you're doing toys, one in your ass and one in your vague and one in your mouth, you got to start practicing.

It's going to really stress you out that way.

Oh, God.

Toys?

No.

I can assume that I'm healthy.

It'll be it.

You want to do this?

I want to do this.

After I get my new tits,

I'm going to heal a little bit.

Yeah, yeah.

You can't have fresh cuts.

No, and then I'm going to do this.

What do you think?

Oh, it's a fucking great idea.

It's a great idea.

Everyone's so supportive.

Everyone will know at school for the boys.

They'll be like, hey, I saw your mom.

Great spread.

What are you talking about?

This is the big thing.

You can give it to their teachers for Christmas.

We can give it to everybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One of these chicks has definitely at least signed that, like, hey, Merry Christmas.

Actually, I know somebody who did a very, yeah, provocative shoot in Playboy, and she signed a bunch and gave it to her dad for her dad to give his employees.

Huh.

So, think about that too.

Well, I don't want to think about that.

I actually hate that, and now I'm like, I'm for sure covering everything up.

I'm scared my tits are going to come out when the special comes out because I've sent these jugs off.

Don't forget, Filth Queen, June 24th on Netflix, and

Steph will be spreading her butthole for your entertainment and the hustler.

No, I won't.

Yeah, these jugs are coming out.

Your generation, you guys have all sent around your body at this point.

Is there even any shame to that?

Well, there should be, because it was never, I was always like a double chin in it, or like I had a tit hair.

Like, I was never like, I wasn't prepping them.

I wasn't oiling them up.

Yeah, you should oil them up.

We didn't even play our opening clip.

Oh, my God.

We were just so gabbing.

It was so much fun.

Ready?

Here you go.

I'm going to put some cold fleet in your booty with some milk.

Oh, yeah, girl.

I'm trying to tell you.

Nigga, Manai, you know that's for you.

That milk and cornflake in your booty.

Megan the style, you next.

Oh.

Yeah.

Corn flick, raisin brain.

Raising brain in your booty.

Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone mother into this.

Don't bother the fucking stand.

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Sagura.

Tom Segura.

And Christina Pazitsi.

Nigga Manaj.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Why are you trying to turn on Steph?

See, that's the guy.

That's what I'm going to have liking me after.

I don't want that.

After my spread.

He also, putting milk.

Unless you have hot sauce in your asshole, you can't even put milk in this trim.

Milk assault.

You wouldn't like to have corn flakes eaten out of your butt?

I really don't like ass eating, is

really.

I mean, you have to be scrubbed.

This is the longest intro I've ever heard in my life.

Is it keep going?

I was like, can I talk yet?

It's four hours.

15 years of the same intro.

That long?

Yeah, every single episode.

Huh.

Maybe I was nervous last time.

This time I'm like irritated.

I'm like, can we wrap up the whole thing?

I ain't gonna talk about my asshole.

It's so long.

It is so long.

It is so long.

Yes.

No edits, huh?

What is it?

Three minutes?

Yeah, it's pretty long.

Pretty long.

Still going.

It's still going.

He's always into eating stuff out of girls' butts.

That's his thing.

That is.

I'm going to lick your booty.

I'm going to put a whipped cream in there and a banana and the banana split.

Y'all know what's a banana split.

Yeah.

And then he does, and then he goes, I'm going to crush up some corn chips.

And you're like, that's not even a banana split.

No, he's getting carried away.

Yeah, he gets really carried out.

But he's very thin.

He's not an eating guy.

So, what is this food thing?

Maybe no one's let him do it.

No, actually, I was with him when he did it to somebody.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I flew to this person.

You met this man in person?

I flew to.

No, you didn't.

I swear to God.

I flew to Lafayette or where was it?

Yeah, right.

Louisiana.

To meet this man.

And then we, a girl came in the room and he put a banana and corn chips and ice cream in her ass, and they ate it all out.

She opened it up.

I mean, more closed.

You know.

are people not worried about yeast infections anymore

if a little bit of dairy went even near if i don't wear cotton underwear i'm scratching for three weeks

i don't know what to tell you right now we're airing out right now baby i gotta we're not slopping in a fucking corn chip yeah i know it's crazy

crazy gross it's disgusting but i could also if you're interested i know you're seeing someone but if you're not i could hook you up with him my boyfriend is so hot that is and he's real that is uh

tell me about your boyfriend i love my boyfriend so much he's okay you know Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore?

Of course.

Yeah.

It's his nephew.

And they look exactly like that.

Really?

Bring up Jefferson McDonald.

Bring him up.

Yeah, full name.

I don't know if I'm a lot of sneakers.

Jefferson McDonald.

I love him so much.

You love him so much.

How long have you been seeing him?

A year and a half.

There he is.

There's my lover.

Wow.

He looks exactly

like him.

It's so fucking crazy.

So I met him at the last factory.

He's a singer.

He's a piano player.

He opens for me now on the road and he opens for my pussy, my asshole.

Not my asshole.

It's a mess back there.

But

he's a very sweet boy.

And I met, he was at

a show with Shooter at the Laugh Factory in LA.

And I was fangirling over Shooter.

And he was with him.

And I was like, who's this?

He really looked.

It's bizarre.

Yeah.

It's like, how do uncles look that much like they're fucking.

It's crazy.

Maybe they're not uncles.

I saw his dad.

His dad looks like him, but his uncle, it's they have the same mouth.

Yeah.

Did you grow up?

Did you have a boner or head of mouth?

Well, yeah.

I hate to write to you.

I did.

There he is.

He did my podcast.

I really did.

That's why I met.

Look at us.

Look at us.

A cute couple.

He's a real Aryan dazzler.

I know.

You know why?

I always liked a real white guy because my Baba always was like, marry a Bulgarian, keep it in the family.

And I was like,

I don't want anything like this.

I don't want anyone who looks like anyone in my family.

They're all hideous people.

I don't want any Bulgarians, enough hair on my body.

We don't need more hairs coming binding up here.

It's disgusting behavior.

And you met how long ago?

About a year and a half ago.

Almost two years.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

He moved in with me right away, three months.

Whoa.

Oh, yeah.

Three months.

Oh,

yeah.

He's coming.

He's flying in right now to see me.

And you live in LA together.

Literally the other.

He was on a cruise ship in Japan for three weeks.

Let me ask you this.

Is he American?

He's American.

So if I fail my citizenship test.

So she's testing soon.

I know.

I am.

I'm going to tell you: they're going to ask you, they're going to ask you to write a sentence in English.

Any sentence.

You got to know the president, the vice president.

I'm going to say, I heart Donald Trump.

I'm going to wear a make America a great hat.

I just wear it.

I'm wearing an arrow.

Let's test you on a few things.

Oh, God.

Okay.

This is embarrassing.

I'm stupid.

No, we're going to test you for your quiz.

We're preparing you.

This is what we're going to do.

I'm going to try to ask you.

I might be wrong, too.

I'm so stupid.

When was the Constitution written?

Fuck.

Oh, 1776.

No.

1772?

No.

1985.

No.

Constitution.

Not when was the country.

1762.

Columbus.

Did you know what it was?

1450.

Okay, are you ready?

Yes.

1787.

1787.

Nobody knows that.

They're not going to ask you.

17.

I was close.

They're not going to ask you that.

Don't rely on

it.

They're going to ask you the most basic shit.

Okay.

Trust me.

Dumb-dumb stuff.

That's hard.

Does anyone know that listening?

1787?

They're going to ask you what y'all do.

Stars and stripes represent on the flag.

States and colonies.

Oh, here's one that could happen.

Ready?

Ready?

Okay.

Who is the father of our country?

George Washington.

Good.

Oh, I like to call him mm, Papa, Michael Jones.

When is Flag Day?

Who the fuck?

Oh, June.

It's in June.

Yes.

I've read these cards a lot.

Okay, okay, good.

See?

I'm American.

I don't know.

What is the largest state?

Texas.

No.

California?

No.

Alaska.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Damn it.

I should have got that.

I'm failing.

That's three minutes.

I'm already doing great.

Should Canada be the 51st state?

Yes.

Good answer.

I know that's another question.

I would say no normally.

No offense.

But

that's not a question.

You added that one in.

I did because they might just add it.

They might.

And I'll say Canada.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Burn them all.

Burn my whole family alive.

I don't care.

What is the political party of the president now?

Republican.

Yeah.

Good.

See?

See, you're good.

I'm good.

That's good.

A couple more.

Couple more.

Okay.

How many states are in the United States?

50.

Wow.

Jesus Christ.

Are you sure?

I thought it was 50.

I know.

That's why.

I thought it was 52.

That's why.

But that says 50.

So I'm not getting confused.

It's 50, baby.

It is 50?

Yes.

Pretty sure.

Definitely.

What are the other.

Why is there 52 stars then?

Are you thinking of playing cards?

There's not 52 stars.

It's 50.

50 stars?

Okay, okay.

So I gotta write.

I gotta write.

Who elects Congress?

The people.

Fuck.

The blue ones are easy.

Oh, they are?

Yeah.

That's why I know the blue ones.

The red ones are hard.

Oh, okay.

So who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

My mother.

George Archie.

Who the fuck wrote it?

Do you know that?

Yeah, but also, don't disrespect these questions.

Oh, my God.

Wait, is it a person's name?

Yeah.

Hold on.

John C.

Riley.

Tom.

Thomas Jefferson.

Yeah.

Yes.

I need you there pointing.

The point.

Help me.

Okay.

Now you're going to get this one.

Okay, here we go.

When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?

Did I already say the number?

Yeah, you had it earlier.

Okay, 17th...

No, 17th.

You did that now.

I think

1772?

1776?

Yeah, yeah.

And which specific date?

A full date?

Yeah, yeah.

Come on.

Oh, July 4th?

Yeah.

1776.

Okay.

Yeah, you got it, man.

Okay.

Dude, welcome to America.

Welcome to America.

Try to kick me out now, Trump.

Please don't.

I've tried so hard.

I've worked so hard to get here.

Well, look, let's shift it to

something Canadian.

So we told you, poutine.

Yeah.

Huge hit.

Yes.

Great, fantastic food.

Hello.

I think we're going to make French Canadian poutine fries.

What are poutine fries?

Well, poutine fries are basically your fries, cheese, and a great appetite.

Yeah.

What on God's green earth am I looking at right now?

This norm summer.

However,

there's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe.

Everybody likes to change the recipe.

These ones are going to have fries,

cheese,

pig shit, and pig piss.

Ooh, it's going to be a treat.

He's Canadian too, but no, don't, don't.

He's from Calgary.

Well, that makes sense.

Keep those.

Okay, so let's get things happening.

Oh, no.

Does it come out?

The penis comes out.

We'll pee on the fries first.

Oh, my God.

What's accidental?

Wait, what is it?

It's in a cage.

Pig shit dumped on my fries.

I have water squirts.

I can't look at this, actually.

This is

grotesque.

No, he doesn't poo.

It's just the beginning.

No, he's going to make sure all the fries are covered in pig pigs.

What, you're not even proud to be Canadian anymore?

This is our Canadian test.

This is what we have to do.

We have this guy's fries.

We have to do this fries.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So every immigrant.

No, no, I actually can't watch this.

Watch this.

I can't.

I can't.

Listen.

Oh, my God.

I hate you guys.

Is it done yet again?

Oh my god!

God!

This is the best part.

No, I can't.

I can't.

The fact that he doesn't already watch this is making me sick.

What's that?

This is some cheese.

I don't know why it's worse than the rest of it.

Somehow that impresses me.

Oh, God.

He doesn't eat it.

I'm not even able to throw up.

Does he eat it?

No, I can't watch.

No, just look.

It's fine.

I can't look.

You gotta look.

You just gotta watch.

I played a game.

I think this guy has a garbage here.

I'm not joking.

I have to go.

garbage.

I hate it.

Why is it still going?

Why are all your clips so off?

I'm sad to throw off.

That's so bad.

It has to stop.

It actually has to stop.

I can't eat away.

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Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym.

Even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

Warner, winner.

Here, here's an American.

You ever seen a super strong guy?

No, he's going to break something.

I hate these videos.

Crack this fucking cement.

No, he's going to do something bad bad to his body.

This is horrendous.

Stop lying to me.

I promise.

Look.

No, I can't.

I'm gonna watch your reaction.

I swear.

No, I can't.

No, it's something bad.

It's a bones.

Yes, it is.

I'm watching your face.

It's really nice so far.

No.

It's nothing, Steph.

Just watch.

No, it's.

Just watch.

I can't.

I hate this shit.

He just gives up.

That's it?

That's the clip?

I told you.

I don't believe anything you say.

I don't trust you.

What is this?

Oh, that was bad.

You know what?

I need to watch that video once a week now so I don't eat anymore.

There's Norm.

He used to be a mortgage broker in Canada.

That's terrifying.

If you trusted that guy with your finances and your mortgage, and then you found out that's what he had on the bank.

Then you found out it's like a chef who's making all these crazy things.

Oh, yeah, a chef.

Yeah, let's call that a Canadian chef.

Yeah.

Get rid of the keg.

That's what they're an appetizer.

Okay.

What a difference a head tattoo makes, too.

Christ.

It's a real chat.

You can tell.

No, you can tell by the soulless eyes.

He's got no lids.

They're dry as hell.

He looks way different now.

I hate that.

Like that, the Poutine video?

I hate him so much.

No, I'm actually like really upset right now.

That's him now.

No, he's a bad guy.

But underneath it with the pig.

See how it says.

What the fuck is his problem?

That's him now.

He got the tattoo pig on his forehead.

Why is he so sick about pigs?

He likes being

submissive to a couple doms.

Those doms better be getting paid millions upon millions of dollars to go near.

I think they're getting anything they can get out of them.

The smell that radiates off of that pig-pissing clown, I can't.

What's crazy is what you're saying right now is making him so hard.

I know.

Does he watch this?

I don't know.

No, he can't look at me.

I should try tick cups for Hustler.

Tick cups.

Just show her.

I saw the tick cup.

I saw they swell them up.

They push them in.

Yeah.

So he doesn't have boobs done.

He just puts them in these cups.

That looks nice.

That's a nice angle.

His pig Norman Summerton.

Full name.

Summerton.

Good.

Seven hours now today.

Seven hours.

Can you do that?

This man, this is a bad man.

I hate this man more than I've hated anybody.

He's a bad bat guy.

He's just got a good job.

He's a sweet guy.

Different interests.

Yeah, this is his hot.

Look at these tick cups.

Look at these tit cups.

And also, in the middle of the day.

Seven hours.

It's a long time.

Oh, the sound of his armpit was stuck in that pit.

Isn't that crazy?

I mean.

He loves this.

Yeah.

I know I do.

He really does.

It's crazy that you're not a fan of a really well-known Canadian.

Stop.

Celine Beyond.

This is on par.

That was her old husband.

He's that same age.

Yeah.

All right.

enough upsetting you.

Anyway, I got something for you.

Check it out.

Oh, Tom.

I also got a nice salmon fillet.

It's a little bit of leche.

I like the light milk.

Here we are.

Got to get those super soft brioche buttons.

Can't forget about a super nice, delicious cake here.

I'm joking.

I'm not getting that.

Dude, that was funny.

Couple boxes of those.

Anyway,

whatever.

Yeah, go ahead.

Those shorts are crazy.

They're crazy.

No.

It's full anus.

What?

Boards just don't wear pants.

But this is what gay guys do.

They just wear it.

No, women wear those too.

Yeah, they do.

Those pants are just like, at this point, I'd rather a bare ass.

We're used to seeing women and shit like this at this point.

Women wear stuff like this all the time.

All the time.

I love this.

I think more gay men should wear this.

Look at that ass.

The stuff's the ball.

He's so good.

These little Chio Bonnies here.

Look at Obonnie.

Let's see the front.

Let's see the front.

Oh, the front's small.

He's wearing a thong.

But it's tucked in.

Oh, he's wearing a thong.

Oh, yeah.

His ass is insane.

That's his real ass.

I think those are implants.

No, those might be implants because they're so feminine.

They're so round.

No, you know what?

That's a Canadian.

Okay, I made it down here.

He said, I can't make it down here.

They're maple cookies.

Yeah, I know those are broken.

You should see an asshole kind of thing.

I'm looking for it.

Those are definitely implants.

I love them.

He does have a thong on, doesn't he?

Huh?

Does he have a thong on?

Or he's wearing nothing at all.

Yeah.

He's got a G-string on under.

Where are you?

Oh, buddy.

Can't forget my peanut butter.

Oh, there it is.

And there was the shake.

And then there's Edney shaking his head.

I bet.

I bet this guy doesn't get shadow banned on TikTok the way I do.

And that's a full asshole.

And I even say, I say A-Nuis, and I'm blocked for like three months.

Yeah.

And that guy's full A-hole is in a fucking crowded grocery store.

It's insane.

It's crazy.

How's that allowed?

You're right.

It should stop.

He should be banned.

I agree.

Can't want you kicked out.

He's not eating peanut butter if his ass looks like that because that's a firm ass.

See, this is one of those people that can consistently self-loathe.

Like, so what is it about these types?

They can just stay fit all the time.

Like they don't fall into like five day long benders.

Because I think once you get to this body, once you're at that, like jacked up, I think you're just like, it's like a new drug.

Yeah.

You're just like you're high on your fucking abs.

Like you're just like, like roid it out.

You're all fucking.

And plus, it's reaffirmed all day, right?

Because you step out of your house like that, and everyone's like, yo, like all day.

Yes.

And so you go, if I dial it back, I'm going to stop getting this

positive affirmations of like, wow.

Everyone's saying wow to you.

Oh, yeah.

Asking how you get like that.

What is your workout?

Oh, yeah.

He's getting a lot of attention.

Wow.

But then it also has to consume a lot of your too much energy.

Going to the gym, if people go, I have an hour.

That's it.

I hit the hour cap and I'm like, I hate this.

You have to, of course.

One hour, that's enough.

When people spend like their whole life, one hour is enough, dude.

It's simply enough.

It is.

We've hit the max here.

You do your workout, you futz around, you get the hell out of there.

Yeah.

So a couple weeks ago, we were exposed to this story that happened in the news, okay?

Okay.

Of a woman who was scammed.

So I want to show it to you so you have some reference.

God.

The Santa Bay Area woman is out tens of thousands of dollars after she says she sent money to a scammer who said he was celebrity Keanu Reed.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Diane Ringstaff said she was playing words with friends when somebody messaged her saying he was the Hollywood actor.

They started chatting over the next two years.

Diane said she saw Keanu

slapped his ears too.

And then he sent her audio messages.

Good morning, my sunshine Diane.

As you said last night, I am sending this recording to let you know that I cherish you and that I am loyal to you.

You will always be my queen.

Have a great day today, Diane.

Love you.

Kisses from your loving Keanu.

Keanu said he needed tens of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin and cryptocurrency for help with legal troubles.

Sure.

Knowing what I know now and all the technology that's out there

and fake voices and everything else, you know, ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding, ding.

The witch is dead over here.

I can't believe that woman showed her face after that.

It's unbelievable.

More to fight, if that was me.

Yeah.

More fight.

She's like, and now that I know, I didn't even think about a voice.

Was that her?

Or was that Keanu's voice?

Because it wasn't even close.

What's crazy is that Keanu has started messaging us.

Yes.

I think because he felt bad about what happened to Earth, so the real guy has been like.

Hey, Tom, so sorry to hear about your struggles with Invisalign, your beautiful face, warm energy, and precious teeth.

I prefer your thoughts and prayers forever.

Wow.

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

The fact that this guy is getting by with an impression that bad.

This is just AI generation.

It's just AI, Keanu.

It has to be, but now he's on us.

You know what's weird?

I am drowning in legal troubles that I cannot elaborate on right now.

Okay,

send me money, and I will send you money.

It sounds kind of Keanu-ish.

Not at all.

What?

I'm convinced.

I'm getting to send him some money.

People, I've been getting a lot of fake Keanu reviews on TikTok DMing me.

Really?

That I'm like beautiful.

It's like, hits me, Keanu, and it's like one follower.

I'm like, it ain't you, Keanu.

Voice or text?

No, no, just text.

Just text.

It's probably him.

Send him money.

They haven't asked for money yet.

I find that so.

I feel bad.

Yeah, of course.

But you also realize that, like, I mean, the older generation has no idea about the camera.

They're just like, oh, this has to be.

How could somebody impersonate?

How are you not FaceTiming one time?

I would need one.

I would FaceTime make sure that I'm talking about it.

I said that there was a video chat even on the other side.

Otherwise,

a video.

How was there a video?

Wow, mommy, you are so funny and talented and creative and nice and beautiful and physically attractive.

Oh, physical.

Thank you, Keanu.

Wow.

Now I want some Keanu messages.

Show me how those big tits fart.

Oh,

she's really specific.

Dialing in.

I mean, I can see how one can get taken away with this.

I mean, he's really.

Every day he sends a message to her.

Tom, your thick Peruvian cock is so vascular.

It makes me salivate like a dog hungry for a bone.

Wow, that's Keanu Reef.

Wow.

Wow.

That's insane.

Actual Keanu Reeves.

Wow.

Huh.

That is so crazy.

That is insane.

I didn't know he was such a fan of it.

I don't know.

Is Keanu Canadian?

No, I think he's Kanani.

He took acting classes from one of my teachers, and he kept bragging about that.

He's like, my biggest acting, Keanu Reeves.

Do you know anything about him?

We're all like, get to him.

Where was he born?

Where was Keanu born?

Good morning, my sunshine.

Diane, it's me, Keanu.

I will love you like you've never been loved before.

I will cherish you.

I'll make you feel like a woman.

A real woman.

A real woman.

I love that.

A real woman.

Oh, I was born in Lebanon.

What?

I had no clue.

What a life.

Did he live in Canada?

Am I making this up?

He's 60 years old.

He's 60 years old and he's buried in legal troubles.

Look at him.

Absolutely swapped.

The only way out of this?

Fucking Bitcoin, man.

Diane.

Diane.

You know, ding, ding.

God.

Look at her daisy.

She looks like cigarettes.

Like, you can tell.

Oh, yeah.

She's just was smoking and she was wiring piano money.

Old lady, $160,000.

Where did she get the money from?

That's what I was doing.

How the fuck did she have that money?

Life savings, dude.

She could have fixed those bleffs.

Oh, yeah.

Those blefts.

You probably even tuck that up.

Are these bleffs or are these bleffs?

Are you bluffing?

I got bleffs right here.

And you got upper bleffs, too.

Oh, I don't want to.

Oh, when it comes down?

I got to trim my eyelids.

I'm going to do it in June.

You're trimming the lids.

Get them trimmed.

Upper blefts.

Lifting the blefs.

Lifting the blefts.

Just trimming them.

Trimming.

Just a light trim.

Just, yeah, just a bang trim.

Just a bleff trim.

Just a small little,

put a bowl on there.

She could do it.

I told her I'd do it.

I could do it again.

Why are you doing the eyes?

It's just they're drooping.

And my dad did it at my age, too.

It's like kinetics.

Okay.

I don't like how it looks.

Like, I don't like it.

I would never look at you and say, fat lids.

I'm going to say a lot of fucking bleffs on this bitch.

Oh, God.

Makeup artists.

Bluffed out.

She was like, you should really get your blephs.

How dare you?

I was like, You're right.

It'd be like every makeup person would be like, You should get a no job.

I'd be like, Thank you.

I've never thought about that before.

Internet

a lot, man.

It's crazy.

Keanu is horned up.

She's horned up.

Because this is the shit he was saying to her.

And he's like, Can I get some cryptocurrency?

And you're like, Oh, yeah.

You're like, Kena reefs.

You're like, I'm bricked up right now.

I need a little crypto for my hard cock.

Jesus Christ.

It really hurts me that you don't believe I'm real.

but still, I'm really excited to see those hustler poses.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Keanu.

How much money do you want?

Wow.

Wow.

Also, why do you think?

I slept like a homo last night.

Wow.

What does that mean?

With a dick in his ass?

No, just like really well, like tired.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, because they get more tired.

He acted for crypto things.

Oh, wait, why am I believing you?

It's true.

Yeah, they get more tired.

They get tired.

Homosexual may get more tired than

you slept like when it means you slept really deeply.

Yeah, because gays sleep deeper.

Where's this fat coming from?

From because of fact, because they have more anal and they get more tired.

It's more tiring to do anal than vaginal sex.

Everybody knows this.

Yeah.

Really?

If you get pounded for hours in your ass, you're going to want to break.

Hours?

You're going to need to sleep.

That's too long.

I agree.

We're capital

at 30 minutes here.

30 minutes.

Yeah, that's also too long.

That seems like I'm in and out like a fiddler's elbow.

We don't need to be doing it that long.

Okay, here we go.

Yeah, why did he choose cryptocurrency i anonymity harder to trust yeah oh smart cancel there's a smart great smart there's a great job

about one of the biggest um

like cryptocurrency like robberies of all time was this like this dopey couple and they they stole i forget how they stole billions worth billions but then you have you like you go well how like if if you try to retrieve it like like you know that's when feds can come on you yeah so then you're trying to like funnel it to like a

offshore offshore kind of

like flea market of crypto stuff and try to get it out that way these people got away with it for years but then

but it was it was billions they had billions yeah that's a name it's a netflix doc greedy greedy just take a couple hundred bucks why don't we try we should prank call like robert paul champagne with ai cam he would a hundred percent believe that he would believe it and he would send him money.

Oh, God.

I don't care if you're colonia.

I'm pretty busy right now, but Kidu's very much in live with me guys.

Because he does think that celebrities are into him.

I know.

I know.

Who's this guy?

I don't know anybody.

Oh, I'll show you.

He's up here.

Yeah.

There he is.

This is Robert Paul.

We could easily do an AI Cano call.

Does he answer all the time?

This guy.

He's like five different.

Black guys who love the fuck the fuck good.

If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at $23.95.

If you want to move in, you can move in, but you gotta fuck me.

I need to be fucked a lot.

It looks like three of my allies.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, yeah.

God damn it.

It's upsetting as hell.

So, you know what?

You had to do me in here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm gonna come now.

I'm gonna come now.

I'm coming.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, god,

what is this on?

What is this on?

It's Hulu.

I don't understand.

Oh,

Oh, yeah.

Why is he still going?

Oh, my God.

That's not real.

This is as long as your intro.

That's not real.

Do you know where this really was on?

It was on YouTube.

No.

Yeah, he got kicked off.

No fucking kidding.

Good Christ.

This is why we don't let our kids on YouTube.

No, your kids shouldn't be on any form of the internet.

Lock them away.

Oh, fuck.

That was such a long calm, right?

If a man did it on top of me, I'd call the police.

Officer come jump the total pig Officer Cum Dump.

Oh, he's sniffing off the cum dump.

What's he doing?

Officer come jump likes it wild

and tilty.

That's right.

Officer come jump will take it like a man.

I will bend down and you could bang me as you fit as you can.

Well, get it straight, buddy.

Don't be slurring.

We don't know what you're doing.

Don't be sending that message out there.

Does this also make you think that, like, after what we've shown you, that just men are just generally more deviant pigs, right?

Like, we're...

I mean, I think I didn't come here thinking that it wasn't true.

I do believe this.

Yeah, they're going to be.

We reaffirmed it, though.

I well, you refer me to this dark part of the internet that I like to avoid.

Damn it.

What?

I like to just, I'm wholesome.

I mean, I only watch Lawn Order SVU.

That's as far as I go.

And then I keep it.

But still.

You're a very liberated gal.

I am.

Did you spend time with boys growing up?

Like, where, how did you get to be so cool?

So cool?

What I mean by that is a lot of times women get trapped in like the societal stuff of like you can't laugh at farts.

You can't be gross.

You can't be whatever.

How did you get out of the matrix?

I think it's my family.

My grandma was always gross.

Her quote, she kept saying, she's like, go to the bathroom when you can, sit down with you can.

Let the air blow free wherever you be.

She always was farting.

She'd fart.

I had charged and go, whatever.

I had to get it out.

Like, she didn't give a shit.

Yeah.

And then my mom was like that.

And my aunt.

And then my Bulgarian family was gross.

So I was never, no, there was no classy women in my life.

I wasn't like looking up to some like hoity-toity.

Like, we were all, I remember my first, like, the first things my parents ever did, fart in front of me.

Like, non-stop.

Like, me and my dad bonded one summer and my sister over Blue Angels at the cottage.

Do you know how to do Blue Angel?

When you like, bend,

how have you not had this on here yet?

You bend over and you light a match and your fart.

It's like a fireball.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So we turns out we're all very good at doing those.

Thank you, Daddy, for passing that down.

So yeah, me and my sister, all the three of us, put our matches.

You and your boo-boo, do you guys fart in front of each other?

Yeah, and he hates it.

He hates it.

Uh-oh.

He gets so mad, and I do it.

But it means, but you know why?

Steph, because he's a real whitey.

I know.

He's an Aryan guy.

But he farts.

But he's born-again Christian.

Okay.

There you go.

He's ashamed about it.

No, he's not shamed.

He farts.

He just thinks it's gross when I do it.

I'm like, yeah, it's disgusting.

And they always reek.

It's not good.

I mean, healthy.

When you eat healthy, it's like a kale salad's coming to my ass.

Of course.

This guy.

okay we discovered him years ago okay okay i just want to say deadass the reason why i'm wearing this fucking yellow fucking weird thing

is my ass is gonna be doing community service for the state of utah woo i got a d-u-y baby

okay this i like this guy's fun this guy i like this guy's fun so um and we've been he's been

babe he's been in our lives for like a decade yes really started with these videos and then our relationship with him has grown over the last decade.

And now we're in a life.

And so now

we had him come down.

We had him do one of those blind date dating things that we hosted with like 50 eligible girls.

And he got to pick, you know, like...

cross some out and go on a date with one.

And then he went back to where he lives in upstate New York.

He had some legal trouble with his landlord.

He got in some fights.

He ended up in jail.

God.

He expressed to us that he wants to get into adult entertainment.

And so we set up a shoot for him, him and Alexis Fox, who's like a real-time.

Yeah.

So she was like, yeah, I'll do a scene with you.

And he's like over the moon, but he's been in and out of jail a lot lately.

Okay.

So anyways, he got out and now he's talking about how it's kind of better to be in.

Like it's because he got kicked out of his place.

Anyway, so there's a lot of drama going on with him right now.

Okay.

And we've been trying to get a hold of him.

And it's been tough the last couple days.

So, I think we can get a hold of him.

Let's see, is he gonna answer?

He texted.

They never answer their phones on the first trial.

Who guys never do?

Let's play it's the police.

There you go.

Every single time.

They say every fucking time.

They never.

Oh my god, I thought that was his answer machine.

I was like, please say it's a guitar ref.

I would die.

This guy should be in a fucking band if that's what he's playing.

The animals.

Just say, answer your fucking phone.

Please text him, like, answer your phone

I met Alexis.

I hosted the Avian Awards.

Oh, yeah.

She's fantastic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's loved.

They were all great.

She's done bits with us.

Yeah, she's doing a bit with me in two weeks, actually.

She's great.

Yeah, she's so funny and fun and great tits.

Speaking of tits.

Big milkers.

Big set of juggies up there.

Big milkers.

Very natural.

Yabbos.

Yeah, she's great.

Did I bring Yabbos back?

Yabbos.

I think Yabbos is funny.

You just put Yabbos in front.

My parents called them Lullabinies, and that wasn't real.

I gotta take a pitch.

Sorry, guys.

You gotta take a pitch?

Yeah.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Wow, middle of the podcast.

Disruption.

She's really bad at all.

She's going to wax her ass is what she's doing.

She's going to pull her hemoid back in.

That's what she's doing.

Push it back in.

Poppy poppy.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe you meet these people in person.

Yeah, I know.

Don't they love it?

Some of them are like, you know.

Like, what the hell?

Yeah, like, some of them are just like, oh, cool.

Like, it's fun.

And some of them are more apprehensive.

You get every range of things, yeah.

But because you think you're making fun of them or something, no, they don't have that much self-awareness.

Um,

you know, Fancy Chef, have you seen him online?

I haven't seen any of these people.

All I see is amputees and dog videos.

I got in a weird burn victim thing recently.

I don't know what's going on.

My algorithm is bad.

Yeah, a lot of burnt people and a lot of golden retrievers.

It's very strange.

Really?

Yes.

My algorithm is insane.

No fucking kidding.

Yeah.

Watching this shit.

I just had the moment though.

Have you ever had your like, your two algorithms like cross over perfectly?

Uh-huh.

There's a video of a Dalmatian carrying a pocket pussy.

Excuse me, it's my TikTok alarm.

Kill me.

I have to post a TikTok.

I'm actually embarrassing.

Oh, really?

That's pathetic.

No, it's ignore me.

Okay.

I'm so insane.

My social media.

I'm like,

My go, find this video.

It's literally a Dalmatian carrying a pocket pussy.

And the dog sitter is like, Gladys, put that fucking dog.

And I'm like, finally, my algorithm make sense.

Yeah,

a dog and a pocket pussy.

That's perfect.

I get a lot of workplace accidents.

You know, like

a car falling on somebody from a lift.

And they die?

Sometimes Fancy Chef is this guy.

Beautiful and nice.

Look, look at that chicken.

Look how I got that season.

Look, look how I look.

I put my thing in there to get it all in there.

Looks good.

You bite that, you get a bite.

Look at.

Yeah, fancy.

Yeah, fancy, yeah.

This is why I don't like going to Potluck's.

You want to leave?

I don't trust anyone.

So we flew him down to cook for us.

And you ate it.

I took a bite.

You had 7L poisoning.

He fingered your chicken, and then you ate it.

Wait, but you didn't like that he seasoned every morsel?

I mean, he's the one who's

like the idea of that guy's dirt corners and his fingernails getting wedged into that chicken.

He's not dirty.

He's impeccably clean.

You looked at each finger.

You cleaned it out with your own teeth.

Oh, that grosses you out.

Here it is.

Look at this.

This is a perfect video.

Yeah.

Let's see it.

What is this?

A dog found a pocket pussy.

Ew.

It's so funny.

I've never seen a pocket pussy.

Did you know that?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Good.

Why would you?

I can't believe there's one depraved thing I don't know.

Can you look it up for me?

A pocket pussy.

Oh, yeah, you know what that is.

Like a fleshlight?

Yeah, that's a fleshlight.

Flashlight.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but it's out of the sheath.

It's like loose when they take it out.

Oh, I almost threw up.

I felt that.

Yeah, it's gross.

I have these dolls at the house that are just like torsos.

Oh, and you fuck them?

Yeah.

Just a torso.

I've seen those legs.

Oh, they're weird.

Weird.

You see those?

No, they're bizarre.

He answered.

He answered.

Okay, so what's going on?

So what's up?

Tony?

Tony?

Yes, yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

What's going on, players?

Hey, what's up, man?

What are you up to?

Oh, dude, yo, dude, Tom, dude.

Holy shit, dude.

No, no, hear me out, brother.

Okay.

Bigger city, way more opportunity.

Dude, some of these videos I'm doing are just out of sight.

Wait, what city are you in?

Where are you?

Yes, sir.

Yo, dude.

Oh, man, it's out of sight.

This is

the candy store.

Where are you?

Yeah, yeah.

So I am downtown Syracuse, New York.

Okay.

Yo, Tom, dude, I'm loving this down here, boys.

You know, yeah, it's like, yo, this is literally like Mexico.

Like, for real.

there ain't no laws yeah there's no laws in syrac everybody knows that what's what's um dude yo this is wild brother what kind of videos have you been doing oh dude we're talking i mean yo it's like i turn hate into money you know what i'm saying yo tom so check it out okay dude i i've been going to this really really fancy uh you know bar slash uh restaurant dude uh the past couple days because dude i'm down here you know talking to these rich chicks you know i'm loving these rich ladies brother for real yeah you know, they because yo, Tom, like, I need some bread, I need some coins.

So, dude, I've been hitting on these rich chicks, dude.

They've been loving me, man.

I got my durag back, I got my hater shades, dude.

I'm loving it down here.

Oh, wait a minute.

Let me back up because I know, I know, a little while ago, you know, I know you were locked up and you got out, and everybody celebrated when you got out.

It was a super exciting thing.

They're like, oh, Tony's free.

This is awesome.

But then I saw that you had to move into like a hotel.

Are you do you have housing right now?

Um, so in two days, I will be homeless again.

I, um, I don't, I've been relying on my fans, you know, I love my fans, all the donations, uh, just to pay for these hotels.

They are very, very expensive, Tom.

Yeah, I mean, dude, you, you guys are even helping, which I love.

You know, that's why I love you guys.

But, yo, there, I mean, it's like 400 a week, man.

And it's, and I'm at the red roof now, dude.

It's like 70, 80 bucks a night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a, it's a a lot.

And then are you still, you are doing video?

Are you doing OnlyFans still?

Yes, sir.

Yep, yep.

So

it's kind of sad.

My fan base is only at 21 right now, but

I'm still doing good on the OnlyFans.

You know, that's just, you know, steady income.

Is it mostly like solo content or customs or what?

100%.

All solos, man.

All solos, dude.

I'm not out here, you know, like banging chicks.

You know, I'm out here trying to, trying to hustle, you know, trying to get my OnlyFans up and running my comedy.

You know what I'm saying like i'm loving all this man i'm taking all this in well yeah you're a worker are you doing uh 100 are you doing are you doing the worker yes sir are you doing stand-up

uh no so uh ed bass master in a couple months um i've never done a stand-up show before tom so ed bass master is gonna um get me a ticket down to uh

uh uh pa or uh either pa or rochester new york and he's gonna have me do it do a skit for a you know five ten minute skit No shit.

I'm just getting some content right now, man.

That's great, though.

Tom, thanks, yo, Tom, thanks for them tickets, bro, to your show.

Holy fuck, my pleasure.

My pleasure, man.

I'm glad you got your comments.

Tom, dude, I was downstairs on the, you know, you know, those three bars, the club's bars?

Uh-huh.

Dude, yo, Tom, dude.

Like, I showed up there and, like, the lady was like, oh, you're Tony Johns.

Like the

club promoter, dude.

She was like, oh, yo, you're Tony Johns.

I said, yeah, yeah.

And

she was like, you're,

you know you're um

you're on the you know YMH show I said yeah and dude she she gave me everything dude like I can I could go to any club like all all inclusive dog like oh

whatever you need oh yeah hell yeah didn't you

can I ask you something though what's up with your sketch with Alexis Fox any progress

uh

yeah I'm ready whenever she's ready for real I need to be honest with you I need money I'm whenever she's ready I'm ready there's no rush but whenever she's ready tell her to hit me up because I'm game.

Let's go.

Can you leave New York?

Yeah, yeah.

We were okay.

I am, so I just have to do anger management and sex therapy.

But other than that, I'm golden.

I can, I can travel down to Vegas.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Did the courts made you take anger management?

Yep, yep.

So that was my

way out of the jailhouse, you know, the Cougar County.

Cougar County, man.

Sea Block.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

So I'm, yo, dude, was the the, let me tell, it was the anger management counseling and sex therapy counseling.

I do not have to take any medication because I don't need it.

My therapist didn't diagnose me.

Yep.

What did they diagnose you?

Yeah.

So what was I?

What is your diagnosis?

Yeah, so it's like I've been saying the whole time.

It's anxiety.

Yeah.

It's actually severe anxiety.

I could be on benefits for my anxiety.

It's PTSD from my past, always being locked up and in uh in facilities, and then it's also anger, so it's bipolar, I'm always up and down, and then it's uh ADHD, so I have a hard time sitting still.

I cannot sit still.

I wonder if you could get in on this hustler shoot I know coming up.

Um,

what's the uh

dude?

Oh, yo, dog, you are speaking my language.

Let me try, I'll see what I can do.

I'm gonna make some calls.

Um, yes, sir.

God damn, so

so we'll uh

what's next for you?

Because

are you gonna

I'm ready?

Put me in, coach.

Please.

Wait, you're in New York right now, right?

Like,

Syracuse.

Yeah, I'm in Syracuse walking around, you know, trying to talk to these

rich ladies here, trying to get me some cash going, you know?

Hell yeah.

Good.

Hell yeah.

Get that money.

Do you put on a chauffeur?

What do you do?

Do you stroke it for them?

How do you get them to donate?

No, no, to be honest.

Yo, to be honest, Woody Tom,

I'm a real ballsy dude.

You know, I like having fun, dude.

I'll just go straight up to the girl and I'll say, hey, you know, can I, you know, buy you a drink?

And I'll go from there.

But a lot of the times, dude, I'll just kind of sit back in my chair and they'll just kind of be looking at me.

I'll be looking at them.

You know, I'll just kind of sit back.

And to be honest, what you do, that kind of creepy, bro.

Just kind of sit back and, you know, just kind of put on a little show for them, you know, wink at them, blow them some kisses.

I love that.

Oh, yeah, yes, sir.

I love that.

Hey, yes, sir.

I love ladies, man.

You know, I'm a true sex therapist.

Tony, what is sex therapy?

So that's something my counselor did recommend.

Because, yeah, she was like, yo, dude, like, you got an issue with sex here, man.

Yeah.

What?

Like, a lot of people.

They're all sexed up.

Do you believe that?

Do you think you have a thing with sex?

Huh?

Do you think that way, too?

Oh, fuck yeah, 100%.

I've known him since for a long time.

Yeah, like,

I just, I love pleasure in myself.

Like, I like the feeling, you know, like, Christina, like, it may sound sexy to a lot of women, but, like, I like pleasuring a woman, like, making her, like, you know, like, feel good, like, come, and, you know what I'm saying?

Just like, it turns me down.

Yeah, it turns me on.

So nice.

I'm being for real.

It turns me on, too.

It turns me on when a girl's turned on.

Oh, God.

I love turning women on.

I love it, man.

Seriously, eating, you know, like, I love it all, man.

Like, I'm seriously, like, I love women.

It's crazy.

I'm a ladies' man.

Yeah, you're a ladies' man.

I know.

We're built that way.

We like to lick box and put fingers in them and make them happy oh dude i'm crazy about pleasure and awakening yeah i love it do you like you like how you been though christina oh i'm good thanks for asking tony i i appreciate that you know we always keep up with you through cougar we're we're updated on you and i'm glad that you got out of jail even though i heard you had a pretty decent time there

yeah tell me about jail a lot of a lot of the guards i mean the the the the the guard the the lady guards were amazing but the male guards were kind of iffy yeah but at the end of the day i mean mean, dude, yo, the lady guards, they're fucking, they're smoking.

I mean, they could hot.

Did you?

Did you?

Yeah.

I love a lady in uniform.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Tony, did you hook up?

Put me in bracelets, you know, put me in the bracelet, sweetie.

Did you hook up with a lady guard?

Oh, I fucking wish.

No, I fucking wish.

That'd be sexy as fuck.

Hell yeah.

Shout out to Cook College.

No, fuck.

No, I wish

I was actually like trying.

Yo, Tom, dude, Christina, I was like trying to hook up with one for real.

Sorry, I'm kind of excited.

I'm talking to you guys.

We're excited.

we're excited wait what how did you try to hook up with her like what how did you tell her you like her

to be honest i uh it's kind of crazy what i did um she ended up doing her rounds and she was older you know i like my cougars and my milfs hell yeah she was a blonde yeah she was a blonde cougar and uh i just you know i i noticed she was doing her rounds and this is actually really illegal what i'm gonna say I ended up just putting down my gel pants and I just started stroking it and she like stopped, looked in my window and she oh I'll be for real she like licked her lips I'm like oh fuck yeah that's fucking hot I was just boy it was hot as fuck

like fucking oh fuck yeah like licking her lips because dog what I did is fucking like crazy as fuck

I was just so fucking yeah dude I was so fucking horny and just I just needed to bust the loads I found that a lot of chicks like to watch watch us stroke it I've I've noticed that just like in my experience yeah they love a lot of times I'll be somewhere and I'll just start you know kind of tugging and I notice that every woman that looks at me gets kind of like worked up.

Hell yeah.

Fuck you.

By the way,

dude, Tony,

I don't know if you have Netflix, but June 24th, my friend Steph Tolev has a new special coming out called Filth Queen.

It's so funny, and she's dirty and hilarious.

I think you got to check it out when it comes out, okay?

Yeah, fuck yeah.

No, I'd love to, bro.

That's what I'm talking about.

Steph Tolev, okay?

I want you to look her up.

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Nice.

All right.

Well, take care of yourself, Tony.

Yeah, Yeah, don't go to jail.

Stay out of jail.

No, no, I'm trying my hardest not to go to jail.

Okay, and get to Las Vegas.

We got to get you with Alexis.

We got to get you with Alexis.

Yes, yes, please.

I'm ready whenever you guys are.

For real.

Thanks.

Okay.

Thanks for everything, Tony.

Absolutely, bro.

We'll talk to you soon.

Stay safe, buddy.

Bye, man.

I love you guys.

We love you, too.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Wait, so he can leave the state of New York.

This is huge.

Jefferson's mom is a cougar and she's a babe and she lives in Syracuse.

And I'm like, that whole conversation, I was like, I got to get her on the phone.

I'm like, I'm about to call her the second we're done this and make sure she never talks to this man.

I'm terrified right now.

He's so sweet.

No, no, she is.

He's a sweetheart.

That man is not going near her.

She's single and she is very attractive.

And I swear to God, I am, I'm so upset right now.

I have to tell you.

I'm literally upset.

I have to tell you.

Literally, he's going to fucking talk to her.

I know he is.

He's a sweetheart.

Damn it.

He's harmless.

He's such a sweet guy.

He's harmless.

He's been in

jail.

He's so sweet.

Several times for sex addict stuff.

What are these?

What has he done?

He's harmless.

Compared to the other guys we've showcased on the show, he's sweet, you know?

Pigman.

You know what?

You just need to open your heart.

That's my problem.

And your heart.

I'm closed in.

You're too close.

I'm closed up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

One more thing for all you young bucks going out to the club tonight.

One last thing.

What you got to look out for, and this is what, you know, my...

One of my good buddies, you know, was telling me about, and I've tried it numerous times and it really works.

Look out for body language.

Good tip.

Good tip.

Good tip.

Absolutely key.

Anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar.

That tracks.

That tracks.

That's a lot of stuff.

It's wonderful.

And sex addiction.

That's wondering.

And sex addiction.

And stroking addiction.

He likes to

stroke that.

What's going on?

Oh my God.

That female guard was like,

that did not happen.

I swear to God.

Can I ask you guys something for reals?

Do you think, do people in the real world lick their lips when they're in desire?

Like, or is that just a porn?

I think it's an old man thing.

It's an old, creepy Armenian maze.

Yeah, it's an old man thing.

I think our generation stopped doing it.

But women are not.

Women do like it, though.

Yeah, women love that.

Nothing like walking around.

I've gone up to women just going,

and they're always like, oh, ooh, I'm wet.

Ooh, I'm so

do it again.

Show me.

Oh.

If you look at the sound of it, too, is very vile.

It's like dry, but also wet.

Very strange.

I stopped doing it because I don't want them to get too worked up.

That's the problem.

Yeah.

Well, and just stroking your hog in public.

Oh,

you're stroke and doing that at the same time.

That's the combo.

Yeah, that's the combo you gotta do.

That really.

Women will just start

taking off.

Also hilarious.

You think women take off their shirts like a man from the back?

Yeah.

That's why I get ready to fuck my boyfriend over here.

Take off my jersey.

Suck hot.

Which girl will take it off.

Oh, from the bottom.

Yeah.

Crisscrossed.

So gay.

Yeah.

And I'm going to do that to my boyfriend today and see if he says anything.

So manly.

Hold on a second.

Maybe

I like this instead of crisscross.

I know, crisscross makes sense.

Because men are just like, get this off me.

Women are like, I gotta fold it and get it off.

Yeah.

Ripping, just ripping the fucking neck over.

You know, what's interesting is that what I think excites women sexually is the exact opposite of what men think.

it does.

Like, I like to see men doing, like, I was watching Tom eat a curry at lunch.

And it was just sweet like he was just being a normal person just eating something and not being anything and I was like oh he's so adorable like he's so attractive and it's never probably when you're trying to be attractive that you find men attractive because when they try to be sexy it's the unsexiest thing like I hate male dancers I hate like male posers like hot posings do you know what it's like

very well today no no yeah but like when they try to be sexy like 90s R ⁇ B bands that you like like Jodici and stuff.

Like, I hate that stuff.

When they're like posing, looking like, like, Jefferson plays piano, that turns me on, right?

He's like playing.

What about men doing manly shit?

Like chopping wood.

Yeah, like that kind of thing.

Yeah, because that's competency.

That's like, oh, you know how to do something.

Yeah, when people are doing something they're good at, that's always attractive.

Yes, that's that's attractive.

Yeah, like you're eating, you're eating.

Eating curry.

You're really.

Hey, that's your best skill.

That is kind of eating curry.

I can't do that much.

So eating curry for me is up there.

Yeah.

I'm not that capable capable of it.

Eating curry.

You can't saw, you can't cut, but you can eat curry real good.

Do you want to show her your stuff?

Oh, I'm so excited.

Are you ready for TikTok?

For the marginalized community?

Okay.

I feel like we've shown you a real wide variety of stuff today.

I feel sick.

I think I have a cold now from watching that one video.

I feel actually sad.

That's the YMH experience.

That's exactly what you're supposed to feel.

I haven't gagged like that publicly in a very long time.

Like it was real.

You did.

Yeah.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Seeing a woman is a really violent experience.

We are walking secrets.

Don't like we want to see you.

We don't want to hear you.

Don't tell us how you feel.

Makes us uncomfortable.

We're like harboring a lot of violence all of the time.

Even in the imagery that we consume, it's like, even if you haven't bounced off of somebody who has violated you in a specific way, we are incredibly violated constantly.

Having a female body is an overtly political act if you can get out of bed in the morning and not hate yourself.

It is

it's hard.

That's a hard time.

Seph, do you?

How do you feel about that?

I feel like there was parts of it where I was like, okay.

And then I was like, getting out of bed in the morning, what the hell?

She takes it a little too far.

She takes it way too far.

Well, I'm just curious to see.

Because I was like, okay, maybe this isn't my generation.

Clearly, I don't feel this violated.

But like, she's an actress.

She's a lesbian actress right now.

She's with a lady.

So maybe they're like all against this patriarchy stuff right now.

Like they're ramping each other up.

Okay.

And she is, you know, she makes her living being objectified.

And maybe that's what she feels.

Yes.

But as a whole, like, I don't know that I feel that.

Well, maybe she's getting like

hounded online and stuff.

Like maybe she's getting like right now.

It's at a peak where she's like every morning getting like threats and like weird shit's been flopping off.

But I'm like.

Yeah.

The only thing I'm worried someone will do to me is literally break my nose in public so I get a no shop.

That's that's how I want to get violated.

The men on the internet hate my nose, but that's like I don't feel like that violated all the time.

No, also, like, you know, I'm usually wearing an oversized Harley-Davidson t-shirt and friend of mine.

It's so intense.

It's a, it reads as, like, so intensely anti-men is the way, like, the, you know, like, we, I, I don't want to hear you.

I don't need to tell us anything.

This is, it's a violent existence.

It's like, I don't know what, I mean, what you've been going through, but it feels like you're.

I think she's traumatized.

Well, I think something's clearly happened, and especially if she's in acting, I'm sure those disgusting directions.

She tourism

someone horrible did something to her recently where it's like god i mean arguably when i started my career nobody wanted to hear women talk and now it's totally different i feel like it's a little better isn't it it's not totally maybe a little better they tolerate me talking now they tolerate some some talking a little more yeah but it's still not as

great it's not as great nobody really wants to hear chicks talk that yeah

that's why i sound like this to try to just to disguise my voice so no one knows who i am dude are you gonna do a hustler shoot with Tony, though, if he shows up to this?

If Tony comes anywhere near a 500-foot radius, the FBI will be involved.

I don't know what to tell you right now.

The fact you said my name is going to be separate.

If I open my phone and that man followed me, I'm blocking him.

You know what to promise, Steph?

You and I don't look like her.

That's why.

I mean, that's true.

I was like,

maybe she's just much cuter than us.

Yeah, I'm not getting hit on a lot.

I'm not going to lie to you.

That's why when my boyfriend hit on me after the show, I was like, marry me?

No one's ever hit on me before.

Yeah.

So it's like, I really lock it.

She normally has dark hair, right?

Yeah, she's so cute.

I really like that.

She is cute.

She is cute.

Yeah, but something definitely just happened to her.

Yeah.

Oh, this story.

So, this says for people listening, Kim Kardashian is setting a whole new standard in child care, splashing millions on nannies.

She runs a military-style operation with a dedicated team of nannies, each assigned to one of her four kids and working around the clock.

They basically take daytime, nighttime shifts, 12-hour shifts at 6 a.m.

So

they get one day off a week at our expected travel with their allocated child, including when the kids visit dad.

Yeah, includes a chief of staff and head nanny overseeing a team that manages meals, laundry, security, blah, blah, blah.

This is so pretty intense.

Crazy.

Don't have kids if that's insane.

So I'll tell you, so.

You know, we lived adjacent to this family at some point, like very briefly.

And I had heard this story of like, they've got nannies on nannies on nannies, like a room where the nannies sleep and they take 12-hour shifts sleeping.

And like, it's crazy, but I guess this is what like

celebrities

first play date

was with Saint

West and a nanny.

And a nanny.

So I had, I had Ellis, our son.

And then there's this Filipino lady

just hanging out at the playground where it was jamaican nanny they like or bohamian was this a bahamian one no this this one was because there was a team yeah a team but this one was like a filipino this is crazy i understand you're busy you're touring i'm not i'm i'm not i am shaming her but this because this is that's insane you're not raising your kids at this point yeah when you when you not when you run your children that's insane never

and yeah so i remember our son was on the same playground as saint and it was a security guard it was the nanny and i was like this we got to get out of this community we're we're living in the same community, we got to get out of here,

but uh, but yeah, like, why have the kids if you're not even gonna that many nannies on and off 12-hour shafts?

Here's the thing: here's a deal, man.

I get it, she's got to make the living, but like, why have four kids with a completely insane person?

I think that's also make a living.

She's fucking loaded.

What more?

What are you doing?

How much more are we making here?

You've got enough.

I don't know.

Stop making.

Stop.

I agree.

Raise your kids.

Stop making.

I know.

Something like you're just getting started.

It's like your first Netflix special.

Bitch.

come at me.

You're not going to watch it anyways.

But you can't get it.

See, that's psychotic.

You can't say that now.

Well, I just have to be like, oh, she's a feminist icon because she has a table of people raising her kids.

It's bananas.

Anyway, that's usually marginalized psychos.

These got put into the

intelligent file.

Sorry about that.

It's fun.

So many good songs.

And I've become that mom where I'm like sitting around with friends and I start singing like...

Tyrannos, that's the chorus.

Tyrannosaurus.

I was like, what am I singing?

Oh my gosh, I'm singing Storybox.

I'm singing Storybox.

I am not singing Beyoncé in that.

Okay.

Who's that?

Megan Markle.

She's pretending to be a good mom here.

Megan Markle.

Oh, that's the married to the Prince.

Yeah, yeah.

Prince Iris.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like when she does the one with her friend who's like, oh my god, I can't stop watching clips from that one.

There's a woman that she's interviewing with who's just like, yeah,

yeah, that's amazing yeah

and it's just it's the most puke-worthy interview and megan markle will say things like i try to tell my children it's that you can't do something yet the power of yet like they're just both jacking each other

so hard it's so but it's so i should have had my dad go raise these kids smack them around a little bit smart up idiot jesus christ

That's so bullshit.

It's insane.

But that's why we're all funny because our parents didn't do this to us.

What the the hell is this?

It's too much.

1,200 nannies talking to me like that.

I that baby voice.

My parents never did a baby voice, even if I was a baby.

I said, No, neither do we, little baby voice.

Because why do you have to treat them like idiots?

They're not idiots, they're just tiny people.

They're learning people.

You don't have to treat them like dopes.

But yeah, anyway.

What are you looking for?

I was looking for that clip.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I promise to hand and to hold

through thick and through thin

forever I do.

There's your proposal and stuff.

And you're the lucky one gets to be with me.

How do you like that?

How do you like that?

How do you like that?

I wish I had an ounce of that man's confidence.

No.

One little whisper of the amount of chin hair he's got of confidence.

I feel like there's dried barbecue sauce in the field.

Yeah, what is that?

I thought there was like a skin flake situation going there.

It actually probably is dried sauce.

It's definitely dried sauce.

Yeah, it's from the pig guy's shit.

You're hardened on there.

You're lucky to be with me that's what he said oh this is the lady yeah i've watched this a million by the way i just have to say i have to thank enjoy this

i forgot to have fun

you're right you're right

how many views does this have lives are divinely ordered getting to know you for who you truly are unreal

so why did you say yes to doing this show because it's you

is like i want people to see that you know what i mean i'm gonna get emotional if i talk about it it's a gift to celebrate my friend.

How many followers does that bitch have?

I'm actually pissed.

Listen to this and that's what I hear.

And listen to that.

I don't know who this is.

But you're the same.

You're the same.

Can you?

Who talks like this?

They just reaffirm everything.

No woman, I've never met someone who actually speaks like that in my life.

Oh, I was having the worst.

When she get to the mom world,

so sad.

Oh, no.

What's her name?

I don't even know her name.

Jamie.

Jamie something.

Oh, no.

There you go.

612,000 followers.

Jamie Lee.

Who are these fucking followers?

This is crazy.

You know what it is?

This is me hate watching.

This can't be people.

I actually like Maria Schriver.

She was nice to me one time when I bombed at some journalism conference.

She was very nice to me.

She was like politely smiling.

It was horrible.

I don't like her brother or her fucking nephew, Cunts.

Really?

Yeah.

Dang.

The Jamie Curt.

I choose me with Jenny Guard.

Yeah.

He's a piece of shit.

I should go on her.

I should ask to do a podcast, actually.

I'm asking PR people to get me on that promote special.

I was going to say, what is this?

This is when Oprah Winfrey started, the self-help basically brought it all to light.

And a lot of women got turned on to Oprah Winfrey and also the stuff that was pretty useful and pretty good.

And now it's like carried on a decade too long.

And she's that's the voice now?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck?

Just do you.

Don't forget that Filth Queen comes out.

She's the 24th on next.

I won't be watching it,

yeah, you should.

Yeah, I won't be watching it.

No way.

My eyeballs can't see down.

You know why?

What I put inside of my heart and my spirit is pure.

There's always that.

The pitch always goes.

Yeah.

It has to go up and down.

It is fun to do.

Now that you do the voice, I'm like, oh, I could.

Oh, you know what they love to say, these types of people?

I love that for you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jeff, I love that for you.

You're asking a hustler.

I love that for you.

Yeah.

I want to spread it wide open.

Yeah.

But I love that for you.

For you.

Which the insinuation is like, not for me.

Yeah.

I'm better than you.

But for you.

That's a good choice.

I love food on the ground, and I love that for you.

You hungry?

Yeah.

Get on your hands and knees, little pig.

Yeah.

There's some scraps that I didn't have, and I love that for you.

You want to scrape out the bottom of my temperwear?

Yeah.

There's some wagyu in the fridge, but that's for me.

But for you, I love something else.

I love that garbage.

I shit in the toilet and it clogged.

Yeah.

And I love that for you.

I love that for you.

We clog it.

These are women that don't have negative.

Is it acceptable to marry my cousin?

Duh.

You want to marry her?

Go ahead.

It is halal.

Now, for some reason, this is something people make fun of Muslims.

Oh, go marry your cousin.

Go marry your cousin.

Yo, bro, we marry cousins all the time.

People have been marrying cousins for millions of years, bro.

And yes, the chances of a birth defect might be increased, but it's not to the the level where Allah knows us.

Allah knows best.

It's not to the level where it's going to be dangerous.

My parents were cousins.

Look how I turned out.

I have brothers and sisters who are married cousins.

I have lots of people in my family who are cousins who are married.

Absolutely not a single issue in any of my siblings' family ever.

So you want to marry a cousin?

Go ahead.

You don't want to?

Go find a halal badi.

How do you feel about marrying a cousin?

It's disgusting.

Yeah.

There's so many other people out there.

There's so many.

Billion.

Literally billion.

Many other human beings out there.

Why on earth would you?

But have you had a hot cousin?

Yeah, I had a sex treatment one of my cousins years ago.

And I'll tell you what, Christmas is still funny because my other cousins know about it.

No, he was a Mormon, so it would have been not that gross.

No, I'm kidding.

No, it's still gross.

It would be halal, though.

It'd be halal.

It'd be halal.

I didn't know it was, it was clean.

No, it's disgusting.

I don't understand it.

There's too many people.

Why do you want anyone that looks like you?

I know.

Repulse.

Also, like, don't you want to just get out there and meet somebody?

Change up the vibe here.

That's why get a new family.

Also, yeah, do you love your family that much?

Like, keep it in, just keep it all together.

This tight?

Yeah.

But this is England.

That's England.

England.

They're all cousin fuckers.

That's why they're all like the same.

Well, the Royals all fucking married each other.

They don't know that island is inbred.

You know, they fuck their cousins.

That's why they look like

that.

That's why the teeth are like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You look at like Scottish.

It's always, you're like, the fuck's going on here.

Because they're on an island together and they all fucked for centuries right now.

Now if you have enough people, yeah, yeah, you want to change it up.

That's why I want a whitey.

I want a big old whitey.

Mix it up down there.

Mix up the change.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Get out of Bulgaria.

Get out of Bulgaria.

Slop it around.

I find that it's also like

you have no personality that you have to just rely on like talking to your family still.

It's ridiculous.

It's absurd.

Get out there.

Change your eye color.

You're ready to go in and get your eye color changed.

No, this, I can't do this.

I've been wanting to do this for a long time.

Everyone's been wanting you to do it.

Dude, I can't do this.

Your eyes are gross lately.

No, this

green.

What are your friends and family thinking?

Friends are really excited.

Let's do this, shall we?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I can't do eye stuff.

I know, it's so hard.

No.

Dude, fucking with your eyes just for the

color of the guy from the desk.

Oh, God.

I can't hear it.

I actually can't hear it.

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ.

And they don't look like real green.

They look like alien green.

No, I can't.

And she's got like vampire green.

I'm very happy with those.

I said they're perfect.

No, they're not.

They look crazy.

So what do you think your friends are going to say?

They're going to want to get it.

They look like an alien slea stack.

I can't.

I really.

This shit does not look good.

They didn't even put her out.

You can't fucking do anesthesia.

Yeah, those are Hulk green.

Yeah, they're not green.

You know what I mean?

Like incredible Hulk.

Yeah.

The ideal green.

They don't look like, oh, your eyes are green.

They look like fucking screaming green.

As if anyone stopped her on the street or comments on an interview, God, your eyes are poo-poo cocka.

I can't look at you, disgusting eye pig.

That's insane to get that done.

So crazy.

That's so gross.

She literally looks like a lizard person.

I would do this, though.

Like the guy who lives out here.

Have you seen the lizard guy out here?

Yeah.

That guy's dick better be green.

It pisses me off.

If that man's cock is white, I will.

That's psychotic.

Which guy?

Lizard Man out here.

Oh, I I always see him out here.

Yeah.

You can't go full lizard and have a white dick.

No.

That's nuts.

I'm sure he doesn't.

You have to have tane balls.

Ainuise has to be.

Dude, it doesn't look good.

It's not.

What a strange thing.

You know why?

Because they need to have like, there needs to be some contouring or some blending of dark and light.

Like, it's all just light.

It's all good.

If I get a hair in my eye, I leave it.

I can't even touch my eyeball.

It's gone.

We're done now.

There's hairs in my head.

Would you do eye surgery?

Never.

If I have the laser, I'm going to have fucking bottle caps.

I'm going to look like you two.

I'm going to tell you right now.

I ain't fucking ever.

I can't put a contact in.

No.

I was always scared.

I'm like, if I go to an acting room, I was like, you have to.

I'm like, well, then I'm not doing it.

Yeah.

I can't touch my.

This guy.

This guy's dick better be green.

It is.

You cut your tongue.

You put his surgery.

He's got dick pics out there.

He's got to have dick pics.

There has to be.

He's definitely modified his dick.

You can't go this far.

Right.

And be like, oh, here's my normal dick.

No.

No.

Like, he's gone far.

does it say he's done more stuff to his dick than if you search the dick

dick's awesome dick no there's more he didn't tell how about just nude

why did gay porn come up for that well i don't know okay well we gotta call him up we gotta find you i'm actually surprised you don't have his number sir bring your dick in here call him up um all right We have to wrap this up, but Steph.

Thanks for having me.

No, we're so thanks for quizzing me.

First of all,

you're going to pass your citizenship test.

I'm very, very proud of you.

And also, you can finally just renounce your Canadian citizenship.

It's a big deal.

You have to renounce?

No.

No, I'm getting dual citizen.

Of course.

You have to burn your passport.

No, but so proud of you and happy for you for Filth Queen.

Amazing.

Great title, by the way.

That's really funny.

June 24th on Netflix.

If you've never seen Steph, she's absolutely hilarious.

Please watch the special.

Don't forget to pick up her hustler spread,

which is coming up as well.

And then her, and I don't know if her and Tony John are going to work together in some way, but it's going to be

him.

I'm going to see him in summer.

We're going up.

We go up there for a while.

And you know what?

If you go see Steph on tour, which you absolutely should, bring her some homemade poutine and just show her a good time.

We love you.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me.

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

We'll see you guys next week.

It's beautiful.

Gotta practice a game, huh?

But here comes the camera cross.

Come on.

I don't care where you're from.

Bro, bitch, I paloosis.

Judge Boy.

Come on.

Bring it to me.

It's beautiful.

One time.

She got a little brick feeling.

one time, she got a little brick build one time, she got a little brick build one time,

she got a little brick build one time, she got a little brick build one time, she got a little brick build one time, I'ma get her draw up.

Yeah, they got some boy over there, mama.

Yeah, doesn't matter if she's young or old.

Yeah, I wanna kick your feet.

Yeah, I wanna get your feet.

Yeah, I wanna kick your feet.

I want your feet.

Yeah, I wanna kick your feet.

Doesn't matter if you're young.

Oh,

one time.

Lena, how you doing, my baby?

I've been alright, Kega.

Y'all got to play the music.

When I say I'ma make you feel like a woman,

I'ma make you feel like a woman.

Straight up in your eyes.

My baby girl, when you gonna let me touch your ass,

I promise you,

it's church.

Oh, yeah, my baby.

It's church.

My baby girl, I'ma make you feel good, baby.

I promise you, in your eyes.

The way you've been in over late then, just give me one chance, please, my baby.

Yeah, give me one chance, my baby girl.

I wanna eat your ass.

One time,

I hear ya.

One time, she she got a little brick building, one time, she got a little brick building, one time, she got a little brick building, one time,

she got a little brick building, one time, she got a little brick building, one time, she got a little brick building, one time, I'ma tell her draws up.

Well, come on, Willie,

show me

Yeah.

Bill Moore is church.

One time.

She got a little brick building.

One time.

She got a little brick building.

One time.

She got a little brick building.

One time.

She got a little brick bin one time.

She got a little brick bill one time.

She got a little brick bill one time.

I'ma tear her drawers up.

Gabriel.

I'm looking at you girl.

Yeah, you you beautiful baby.

And they got some boot over there, you know.

I'm telling you, man,

that boy's gonna touch your chest.

Listen to this.

I'm gonna eat them little Muslim women draws.

Yeah, I'm gonna smoke these drawers.

When I say I'ma smell your drawers,

when I'm laying down,

I'ma smell your drawers.

Nina, I bet you any kind of money, you can't put your booty in my face.

And it doesn't matter if you got a small booty or a big booty.

Guess what?

You want to swing out?

You know how?

I let this ball go.

Speed up.

Be a woman.

When I get through with you, you're not gone back to your house.

You're gonna stay over here with me straight up.

I call it like I see it.

Yeah, because you ain't never had that feeling before.

Be a woman.