Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808

What's everybody?

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Coppy Carly Cut

Always fucking cut

Country Carlica

Country Carly Cat

Always fucking cut

Country Carlica

Country Carly Cut

Always fucking cut

Copy Copy Cut

Company Carly Cut

me

current,

come with

her.

It's sexy.

Best song ever made.

Really cool one.

I wish we could have played that at our wedding, but it wasn't made yet.

It wasn't made yet.

Jeans and Michael.

We're going to hit.

Jeans and Michael.

Even the title on that was a banger.

It's really exciting, man.

Jeans in Michael.

I remember the clip, too.

I remember the clip that she was bound and her head was through one of those things, and

her arms and legs were bound all over.

That old-timey torture in the middle of the town square.

What is it called?

You guys, you know, the stocks.

Yeah.

And then a cool guy came up behind her and put things in her.

Yeah.

They love that.

Why are you guys laughing so hard?

He was fucking awesome.

He took her to town and then she did the post-scene interview and she was like, I was awesome.

Oh, socks.

Soxier.

It can't be that comfortable to be in the stocks.

This seems like sexy.

It didn't look comfortable.

Now, this seems like a very common fantasy, though.

Yeah.

This one makes, it's like intuitive.

Not the standing one, obviously, but you know.

No, yeah, somebody just

that can't fight back, you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like they probably did have just open on people in the stocks, right?

I'm sure.

I never read about it.

I think back in that day, there was a lot of things that went down that

wasn't repercussions for can I tell you something?

So I'm into watching Fantasy Island, that old show from the 80s with Mr.

Rourke and Tatoo, the little midget.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, little person.

And it is so funny because people's fantasies are so lame.

Like this one couple shows up to Fantasy Island and they want to

love it.

I watch it while I'm on the treadmill.

Okay.

My mom and I used to watch this bullshit every Saturday night in the 80s.

Did you watch this with your mom?

You never watched this shit when you're a kid?

No, no, no, not this.

See, this is when three years between us makes a difference.

But anyway, mom and I, Saturday night, Fantasy Island.

The point of the story is there's a couple that comes to the island and they're like, Mr.

Rourke, our fantasy is to live in a more moral time where they don't want to live in the depravity that was 1980

too.

And Mr.

Rourke gives them

a warning, like, you may not enjoy it so much as you think.

It might be a little, you know, different than you expect.

So they're back to puritanical times.

They create a village.

It's so expensive to go to Fantasy Island.

First of all, I don't know how these people are affording it because they, it's a whole thing.

this little fucker was a real rascal you know that right hold on yeah can i tell you the point yeah so they go back to puritanical times and they're putting people in the stocks and punishing them and then they decide they don't want they don't want that puritans anymore that that era because life sucks molto gay yeah yes it fucking sucks

and like you just people and just take away

you've said it a few times hold on there's a there's a priest in the town and he this girl got married when she was 13 and then her husband died at 15, and she's 15, and he wants to bang her, and like, it's so awful, okay, yeah, yeah, but these guys were these two were both knuckleheads, you know that, right?

I feel like Ricardo Montalban

could not not get laid because he's so smooth and so handsome, but technically, the little guy, the little guy was a fiery little fucker.

No, you don't know that, yeah, the Survey Villiches, yeah, yeah, yeah, drinking guns, yeah, he was a little shit, yeah, you know, the LPs kind of do that, the ones in showbiz, Yeah.

Yeah, they party.

They can party.

We just had one here.

We did.

Brad, but Brad's not a big party.

You know why they came to the party?

He was a big party guy.

But they can't, because their bodies can't really

drink alcohol.

He used to party pretty hard.

I know.

So did Chewy Bravo.

This guy.

I think he had a mean streak, this guy.

Seriously?

Can you find any footage of him yelling at people?

Any Herve Villichez stories?

Hervey Village has?

It's funny that they both chose Latin people to star in Fantasy Island.

Look at him.

You can tell he's fucking whacked out of his mind in that picture.

Yeah.

You can't understand a lot of what Tech She says.

No.

Yeah.

Oh.

Like his accent, boss.

Look, he's tall a little.

He can't understand what he says.

I have to subtitle it because I can't understand what he's saying most of the time.

The sad, tragic ending of Herve right there.

He couldn't overcome his addiction to women.

Hilarious.

Yeah, he was a little fucker.

Wow.

A little fucker.

Three foot ten, too.

Imagine that little shit sticking fingers up your ass

He's behind you.

He's like

Would you guys stop laughing?

You're encouraging him.

Don't encourage him.

That's true

No, he had to

can we listen to him speak he's not

Yeah, it wasn't good and between him and Montelbon.

I don't know how American

films like The One and Only and S Tattoo in Fantasy Island.

When I came to meet him, I became acquainted with his hangouts like this cafe in Venice, California, his many talents and hobbies, and his special

minute since I'm six years old.

He's trying to fuck this lady.

What is he saying?

And how'd you turn to acting?

How'd that happen?

I just answered an ad in a village voice.

That's a newspaper in New York.

And they wanted somebody small to be in the play.

So I went.

He's sweet.

Are Are the rest of your family all normal size?

When you go normal size, to me, I don't know.

Yeah, they're all regular size.

And I was the only kid to be small in the family.

And my father used to be doctor.

Dogtail?

What?

Dogtail.

No, it didn't make any difference to him or to my mother.

They just treated me like everybody.

Okay, what don't the rest of us understand about life for a man your size?

What's different for you?

I just don't like pity.

But it's nothing different.

What's different is the attitude of people toward me.

Neither one reminds me that I'm smart.

By the way they act with me.

Yeah.

You know, in the streets or something.

And I am at the face level with your pussy.

I have people who

are scared.

I don't know them and they say, they ask me personal questions like my sex life, how you do it, how you do this.

Well, that's not their business because

even if you were

a regular size, you will not ask a question like that.

I know that you've recently gotten a divorce.

Divorce?

Yeah.

I'm back on the market.

I'm ready to fuck again.

Yeah.

But don't you like how people were just so direct in 1978?

She's like, I don't like people asking me about my sex life.

My sex life.

Fuck you.

After I come, I say voila.

And I leave.

Yeah.

He was, but I mean, look, he made the 80s.

Hervey Villa shows was huge.

By the way, Ricardo.

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You guys are going to run 5,000 miles.

5,000 miles.

Isn't that crazy?

That's fucking terrible.

Yeah, it only takes a fucking few days.

It's fine.

Look at my cool blood drawing.

Oh, you're going to gonna take it off now?

It's only been like an hour.

Yeah, well, it's um spurred out, is it?

No, you'll be good.

Let's see.

Oh, kidoki.

Good job.

You, good job.

Good job, your mother.

Okay.

Fuck I'm looking at.

All right.

Okay.

Let's start the show.

Let's start the show.

Uh-oh.

I know he's going to be a little bit more.

You guys, man.

Keep off your asses and back to work.

Come on, man.

We're taking a break.

Fuck your break.

There's 15 cars here that need to be serviced.

Now get back to it.

Listen here, fucker.

The only thing you need servicing around here is our cocks.

Yeah.

Just get on your knees and beg like a bitch.

What?

No, my motherfucker's dead.

Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

This is Tom.

Tom Segura.

Tom Sigzugura.

And Christina Pajinski.

Christina Pajinski.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Meow, meow, now.

Meow, meow, meow, meow,

What?

That was a very that was so good.

What?

What happens next?

I want to see the rest of the scene.

Do we not have it?

Oh my god, please.

I can probably pull it up.

Bro, you gotta find this.

Yeah.

This is fantastic.

This guy, the way he deliberately, first of all, the balls of this guy to talk to his boss like that is crazy.

But this guy nails this what.

It's so good.

Almost as though he doesn't know they're gay.

He's like, what?

What?

Down your knees and beg like a bitch.

What?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

What?

Tommy, you do it.

Wait, what does he say?

What's the lead in line?

Get on your knees and fucking beg.

Beg like a bitch.

Okay, right.

You get on your knees and fucking beg like a bitch.

What?

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Oh my God, that was so good.

You're such a good actor, dude.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thanks very much.

What?

Yeah, I have a feeling he gets on his knees and beds.

The fact that he's going to go from this level of just an incredulous look to on his knees with dicks in his mouth, I don't believe it.

You don't buy it.

How's that going to happen?

I know, because it's so, he took it so high emotionally, and there's, he needs to bring it down.

Well, it's, it's great, but I want to know, like, how quickly does he go from that response to participating?

I know, and how, how do we see him change his mind?

Yeah.

What's the evolution?

That's like the scene work, I want to say.

I agree.

Yeah.

I agree.

I agree.

It's really crazy.

Speaking of scene work, you know, Tony Johns.

Oh, my God.

It's

Hop on Ling.

He has two weeks.

to make it to Las Vegas.

Can he stay out of trouble for two weeks?

That's what we're debating.

So here's all he has to do in the next next two weeks because he has to get his tests, right?

So, which means he can't have sex with anybody.

Well, he can.

He's just got to be safe.

That's not going to happen.

So, he's got to be safe.

He's got to not get arrested again.

He probably should try to find housing.

Well, that's the thing.

He's asking online for it.

He's like,

Just let me crash.

Yeah, but the reason is he goes to court today.

Isn't that right?

Is Cougar there?

Cougar knows his whole whereabouts and like, or what, or Josh?

Who knows the court date and what the Cougar's the one.

Cougar knows, yeah.

What do you got?

Yeah, what's going on with court right now?

So he actually, he's in court as we speak.

Right now?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

What if we call him and he answers?

Well,

he had the all-time best, the all-time best statement about, have you been paying your rent?

He goes, I'm not a fucking walking ATM.

Yeah.

That's his reply to, are you paying rent?

Am I a walking ATM?

No.

Does that, yeah.

So the fact that, by the way, we love Tony Johns.

The fact that he thinks this could go any way other than for the home owned, like the landlords.

But here's the deal, man.

You know, New York, it has those laws, like squatters' rights laws.

It's a lot harder to evict people like in California.

But they've gone through the process, though.

Like they, they went through the long process because he's

shown the documentation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm thinking New York might give him like a 30-day graze period, which will get him to Vegas at least.

So what else, Cougar?

He's got to pack his bags when he goes to Vegas.

He should plan on.

And then he's like, oh, but I love Auburn.

Like, what the fuck?

Well, you know why we figured out he loves Auburn?

It's because he's kind of known as like the village knucklehead.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, Cougar was telling me, tell him about the cops.

Oh, yeah.

So, according to him,

usually whenever he gets arrested,

the cops are always excited to see them because apparently most of the cops in the Auburn PD are YMH fans.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Shout out to Auburn PD.

But I also think that, listen, I think that Tony Johns is a bit of a local menace, right?

He's not necessarily a bit.

He's not a malicious guy, but he's a menace.

And I bet you the whole village knows that, oh, here he comes.

He's going to jerk off in the bathroom again.

Here comes Tony.

So they kind of, you know.

Yeah, I want him to get, I want him to just stay on the path.

Let's just get him to Vegas, start his scene work, get him working.

Don't get arrested.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, the real question is, are we going to be able to add

the

RPC to this scene?

I really want to see that.

This is the question everybody's been wondering.

Can we give him a call?

Can we call RPC and see if

he's open to his...

I know he's an actor.

He's made it clear that he does work in this business.

Also, keep in mind, we've tried calling him every week for the last three yeah but we only tried three of his six numbers we should try them all

you don't want to just call one person like one or three phone numbers for somebody how do these cool guys have multiple how do they memorize

they barely can spell their names i don't know like fucking just

how can they afford like four lines i have no idea i have one phone number i have no idea i don't even know the number i don't know the numbers I don't know our phone numbers.

I don't know our phone numbers either.

No, I know mine.

I don't know yours.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah.

No idea.

No.

Please leave your message.

Well, yeah, what are you doing, man?

Call the other numbers.

Jesus.

What are you, dumb, Josh?

God, obviously.

Call stupid.

Call all the numbers.

We literally have them in our phone as RPC1, RPC2, RPC3.

I'm busy right now.

I'm at Cody Island.

Yeah, you gotta do my shows at Cody Island.

Very busy right now.

Making a hat and doing some scenes.

Robert

speaking.

Hey, Robert, it's Tom, Segura, and Christina P.

Hi, Robert.

Oh, how are you doing?

Good.

How are you, man?

Just resting.

That's all.

Oh, resting.

Yeah.

Got to get your rest.

How have you been, man?

I was trying to do some comedy, but I got to work it out later on.

It's something about, I can't explain.

A wife of the.

Well, how about explaining to it?

A wife that's going to marry the

president when he's dead.

Trust me.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Okay.

I call her Goena.

Right.

That's fun.

We'll get into that.

Yeah, so you're working on that bit.

That's fun.

Hey, I got a question for you.

What?

So we are producing

a doc and then working with some people for an adult scene that's shooting in Vegas.

It's a big, it's big names, you you know, Alexis Fox.

It's like the breakout role for Tony Johns.

Would you be interested in being in a scene like that?

What kind of scene?

It's an adult scene, like a porno.

I would do it.

Yes.

So here's what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking.

Oh, yes.

Right now, we're going the law enforcement angle.

So

Alexis.

Creatively.

Yeah, creatively.

Yeah, yeah.

So she's going to play Officer Alexis.

And

then Tony Johns is

the male who's been arrested.

And we were thinking of you could be like basically Sergeant Cum Dump who comes in and tells Officer Alexis that this

criminal needs to be strip searched and that you need DNA so that she's got to get it out of them.

You know what I mean?

Oh, I get the point.

Yep.

You feel you could do that?

Oh, I could,

if I could pull a schizophrenia on the air,

we got getting deported by the prisons, I could do that.

Oh, yeah.

So, um, how about getting to Vegas?

Uh, would you be uh cool flying to Vegas?

How could I get to Vegas?

Well, we would fly you there,

okay?

But here's here's a guy now.

I have a cat who want me to do my cat.

Oh, right.

The cat.

That's a good question.

I don't know.

Is there somebody that could watch the cat?

The only thing I could do with the cat, if I had to, I could bring him to a shelter that could hold them for a few days.

Okay.

I mean, that's up to you.

I don't want to, you know.

Well, no.

It's a shelter, but not they can't keep them, they could hold them for a few days.

Okay.

That's a good idea.

When are we planning on shooting the scene, guys?

April 25th to 27th.

Okay, so we would need you in Vegas April 25 to 27.

We would fly you out and put you up.

Yeah.

Because

I will have to go to the shelter and see if they can get them

just to board him.

I don't want them keeping.

I mean, I'll.

Right, right, just to board him.

Yeah.

So I just got this black Persian cat, and I cannot lose him.

Okay.

Oh, of course.

No, we love cats.

So we would fly you out there, and then we would put you up, and then we would, you know, you'd be participating in the scene and obviously you get paid for that and then you've uh you would fly back.

Okay.

Okay.

Um how do you feel about uh air travel?

Like are you pretty comfortable going to one of the airports to fly to Vegas?

I guess a little airplane flight, but as long as I'm not near a window.

Oh, yeah, we can get you an aisle seat.

Sure.

Okay.

You know, a fact of the cat, the 25th,

I can put a little food up because

I can put food up there because I can leave my home second though.

I don't have to have nobody take care of him.

He could take care of himself.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you leave some food out for a couple of days in the litter box and everything.

Yeah, it's fine.

He's a big cat, so I have to worry about that.

Okay.

Man, this is super exciting.

So it's the 25th, the 27th?

Okay, so

okay.

As long as I get back to get to get my little check because I got to pay the rent and everything.

Oh, and the insurance and all that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I mean, you know, this would be great.

I mean, you could bring out some, if you have some costume stuff for Officer Cum Dump, if you want to bring that, that would be probably helpful.

Well, probably unless he has hat and his stuff like that, his hat.

And

I used to have a uniform, but someone stole the uniform on me, believe it or not.

Jesus Christ.

We can get you a new uniform.

Oh, yeah, I had Dre Queen that stole it on me, and I try to

get a hold of her.

oh, I know she stole the fucking uniform.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Hey, can I ask you, have you had any black guys come around lately?

I had one here, but I tried being nice to him, and I told him I tried to help him out.

And he drank,

well, expensive brandy,

champagne, and everything else.

And he was just a drunk as a drug addict.

I said, get the fuck out.

I just saved him out.

Oh, shit.

Did you at least get to, you know, have sex with him before?

Oh, he was a bottom and he was the worst thing in the fucking world.

Oh,

sorry.

Damn.

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I got a little so

I got my black cat.

Well, the black cat, I can put it.

The black cat's like, well,

he's bossy in the house, so I got my male cat.

So I don't need him anymore.

He's done with it.

Oh, okay.

Well, this is super exciting, Robert.

Oh, my gosh, Robert.

This is amazing.

It's going to be a huge scene.

Oh, my God.

I got to ask you.

I put somebody in in charge of my insurance, right?

Yeah.

I have this girl's equipment that could handle insurance.

I got to get a good, because I got insurance.

I got to find some dudes to do an insurance policy because this girl can't do insurance for some reason.

God damn it.

Insurance is such a pain in the ass sometimes.

No.

No, no.

I try to work with her.

I tried to tell what to do, and she's,

well, I'll tell you because she's in Texas, but she seems a good, she's a smart person, but we got to discuss it about,

she doesn't know what burial things are.

I got to explain to her.

It's just a long story.

Yeah, I get it.

So the guys will be in touch, and we will book all the travel for you.

And then, yeah, this will be a super fun thing, man.

Thank you so much for oh, Robert, which phone number is the best for Josh to reach out to you?

Could you just like answer your phones and stuff?

The one user now.

Okay,

mark this one as the good number, guys.

So keep a lookout for the phone calls, okay, Robert?

Okay, as long as it's a morning like this, we're okay.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

The 25th and 27th.

Okay.

All right.

Awesome, man.

Can't wait.

We'll talk to you soon.

Okay.

Okay.

Gotcha.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

He goes, as long as it's in the morning like this, it's like 12.30 his time.

It's later than that, I believe.

It's not the morning remotely.

He's just resting.

Yeah, it's 1.07 there.

He's resting.

Did he always have a cat?

I don't think so.

I've never heard him really talk about the cat before.

Me neither.

That was never a concern.

And they went from all boarding the cat and boarding the cat to like, it'll be fine here.

I'm like, yeah,

it's good.

Well, this is very exciting.

This is very exciting.

Did you ever, in your wildest dreams, imagine Tony Johns with Robert Paul Champagne and Alexis Fox?

Dude, Officer Cum Dump getting a real role.

Yeah.

It's a really cool thing.

He's so good.

Yeah.

Babe, we're making so many dreams come true.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

There you go.

I can't believe it.

Speaking of big news, we have a YMASH exclusive.

I should probably treat it with the respect that it deserves.

It's true.

Netfricks, the streaming platform,

I have a new show coming out called Bad Thoughts.

And it's going to come out on May 13th.

So, I hope you all will check it out.

So far, the teaser has dropped, but now

the full trailer is coming out.

And the good people at Netflix have allowed us to debut the trailer first.

Wow.

So, we get to play it before anybody else.

So, we're going to go full screen.

We're going to mute the mics and we're going to let you watch the trailer.

And then we will come back and we'll talk about it.

Awesome.

So, here you go.

It is the world-exclusive premiere of the new trailer for bad thoughts coming out May 13th on Netflix.

And he

goes, You got 24 hours, Agent 6.

Don't get yourself killed.

It's a job.

I only have one room left:

no women, no children.

Oh my god.

Well, I think I'm going out of my head.

Yes, I think I'm going out of my head.

I'm a global country superstar who's lost his mojo.

So he decided to kidnap his fans, force them to live in a poor people town.

Make them share their deepest, darkest traumas.

It's like he put it in the hit songs.

My mother died in 9-11.

Ooh!

I like that.

Get this starving bitch a shrimp.

Large iced coffee and just a slash of whole milk.

Next.

Could you just remake this with less milk?

Less milk?

I'm a professional barista.

I know what a fucking splash is.

Think of this as a conversation.

To get to the truth.

What the matter with me, big boy.

Want to get to the real stuff.

He's clearly using that headset for virtual reality form.

I have severe carpal tunnels.

Quick stuff.

You're a terrible person.

Raw stuff.

Welcome to the party.

There's no better feeling than killing the enemy.

You know, we have to transfer schools, right?

Of course.

I am exhausted.

You killed three people.

I know.

Why not?

You guys do it.

it.

And there you go.

Yeah, it's so good.

It's the trailer.

It's so good.

Yeah, we're stoked.

Babe, this show is so fucking great.

It's really exciting.

I'm so stoked.

I've watched you go through the whole process.

You've spared no expense.

The writing for the whole production of it, and now we've been in post for months, and now it gets to come out.

So we're super excited for it.

So good.

We'll have a premiere in another well the premiere is actually

may 6 right no yeah it's may 6 yeah so exciting coming up in like a few days oh my god yeah but so many people you know work so hard i think that's the thing you realize too when you actually get to do a project like this is you're like oh man this is truly a collaborative experience like there's so many people involved so many And they all they all bust their ass.

Everybody tries.

That's the other thing is you're like, man, even when a show comes out and like, because you don't know how a show is going to be received, I don't know what, what, but you're like, man, people really try.

They really try.

Everyone tries their best to make the best thing possible.

Definitely.

Yeah.

Well, it also matters the team that you've assembled.

You really found some like-minded weirdos to work on this with you.

Top to bottom.

And you can see Rob Eiler is in that.

Yeah.

There's a lot of stars, a lot of people.

Rob Eiler's in it.

Kirk Fox is in it.

Daniela Pineda's in it.

Johnny Pemberton's in it.

i'm forgetting tons of people tons of people dan stevens is in it um

who else alan rachel's in it um

shay wiggum

shea wiggum's in it which is unbelievable i mean you you got yeah we got so many fucking heavy hitters we do so good and you know what's great too is these thoughts these awful thoughts have been marinating as long as I've known you.

You just said that to me.

And it's so cool to see them now out there in in the world like

there's so many jokes and so many ideas that are in there for from 20 years nuggets have been there so long yeah yeah that's true cool that you got to do them all and it looks amazing yeah that i got to give credit to to nico uh our dp was just unbelievable in it and then the writers uh rami hishash jeremy connor zimin and gerrard connor galvin um were amazing.

Greg Tukulescu, who also helped us.

Yeah, it was like, it was a huge, huge collaborative effort.

I got to direct a few of these, which was a huge win for me, something I always wanted to do.

So I directed three of the stories.

So we'll get into that more when the show comes out.

And also some, you know, little YMH Easter eggs.

There's some Easter eggs in there.

Which is so fun that we got to, you got to put it in.

I like that.

Some people were like, oh, you have to be a YMH insider to get this.

Not at all.

No.

0%.

But it helps.

It helps to have the same sensibility.

Yeah, Yeah, but none of them are contingent upon understanding an inside joke.

No, no, no.

But if you're a fan, you'll be happy to see some stuff in there.

Yeah, so

again, that's the full trailer.

Show comes out May 13th.

I hope you watch it.

I hope you tell people to watch it.

We couldn't be happier about it.

Yeah.

Awesome.

There you go.

Oh, Tanner found the full gay auto mechanics scene.

But before that, can I just plug my lipsticks?

Get it in time for Mother's Day.

It's a great thing to put on your lips before you blow a guy.

Yep.

Christinap.com.

Get all all four colors.

Get the perfect four by now in time for Mother's Day.

Get them right now, right now, right now.

Get them right now, right now, right now, right now.

Are we really going to watch the full gay scene?

I'm so excited.

I just want to see what happens.

Like, what happens here?

I know.

Okay.

It's a mystery.

It's called greased up.

Okay.

Greased up.

Where does it go from here?

I know.

We've been working our asses.

You guys, man.

Get off your asses and back to work.

Come on, man.

We're taking a break.

Yeah, resting.

There's 15 cars here that need to be serviced.

Now get back to it.

Listen here, fucker.

The only thing that needs servicing around here is our cocks.

So get on your knees and beg like a bitch.

What?

You're fucking fired?

You can't fire us.

Our buck.

Without us, this place would hold.

Ooh, that's a good company.

Get on your knees because I'm in charge now.

Right away?

Oh, so he forces him.

That's how he gets him.

Because we were wondering how

Tom and I are wondering how he goes from what to sucking his tears.

It was pretty fast.

He forced his head down.

Yeah, it was pretty quick.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow, that was so sudden.

It was like,

I feel like we missed a few beats here.

Thanks, Tanner.

Appreciate you doing the research.

Yeah, I mean, he really just went from what?

And then they pulled him down by his tie.

So it was involuntary.

It looked like there was.

He doesn't want to be there.

I can tell.

He's like, I run a business.

I'm trying to run this fucking mechanic shop.

Well, now all three of them are banging in the none of those cars.

No cars are getting serviced now.

So it actually, he was right.

They really should get back to work.

Yeah.

So true.

It's really interesting.

I don't know about this mechanic shop.

Yeah, I don't know about taking my car here.

I'd like, if you could find out the name of the place, I'd like to avoid it because they don't actually work.

They're just all fucking

not cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's right.

All these workplace orgies and stuff get in the way.

It's pretty cool.

It is pretty cool.

Yep.

Speaking of cool,

have you seen our homeboy from the Rolling Stones?

Mick Jagger got married.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

You want to check out his bride?

Yeah, let's see her.

Do you want to guess how old she is?

72.

No, silly.

He's 81 and she is 37.

That's cool.

That works.

That's perfect, right?

Yeah.

Let's see.

Do you have the cool guy, Riff, we can play?

Sure.

Yeah.

This is so cool.

They look so happy together.

They do.

Well, he's engaged to his longtime partner.

How long could it have been?

Melanie Hamrick.

I mean, how long?

He looks happy as shit there.

No, he's always happy.

He's a fucking Mick Jagger.

But hey, good for him.

At least he's marrying her and they can have kids.

There's nothing worse than when a guy just uses up your best years and then spits you out.

Yeah.

Like he took her best fertile years, but then he's got to knock her up, right?

I would think so.

Has she had a kid?

I don't know.

Let's do some research.

Melanie Hamrick.

Let's see.

Melanie Hamrick.

Oh, maybe she has children.

Has one child named Devereaux.

With Mick Jagger.

Yeah, they welcomed him in 2016.

Oh, that kid's almost 10.

So

that is a longtime partner.

Miss Jagger's eighth kid.

Yeah.

Oh, they've been in a relationship since 2014.

But you know what?

He hasn't been sure about her this whole time.

So they've been dating since she was 26.

So that is the best fertile years.

But he gave her a kid.

Made an honest woman out of her.

Why do you think it took him an entire like he was on the fence for a decade with her?

I'm pretty busy.

I do a lot of shit.

I don't know, man.

This could go either way.

You know what I mean?

I don't want to fucking lock into something.

I mean, let's be kinced.

Bitch,

you are replaceable.

You ain't, you ain't shit.

I'm not reliable, and neither are you.

And he's in her thoughts.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's fucking so cool for sure, man.

But real talk.

Yeah, real talk.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, ma'am.

I want you to be brutally honest with me with dudes like that dragging their asses for a decade on a woman.

What the fuck is wrong?

What is going on there?

They're not sure.

They're not sure about her or not sure they want to be married or both.

Both.

Probably more just, I don't know if I want to be married, I think.

Yeah.

Because I think that's real scary.

Some dudes, it's really, really scary.

Just have one be for a moment.

Yeah, so they're, I mean, you've got to actually give credit to, like, they're not marrying them.

And

that's the decision.

Like, it's clear.

Yeah.

If he's not asking you to get married and you're cool with it, then that's fine.

Yeah.

That's fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

But if you're abroad that like wants to have kids, I mean, a lot of chicks will tell them.

You see it all the time.

Women go, hey, if you're not going to marry me, then I'm out of here.

Which is what they should do is just get out of there if you want to have children and the whole thing.

So, so Mick Jagger is a cool guy marrying his 37-year-old longtime partner.

They started when they were 26.

He's 81.

On the flip side of this, you have an actual cool guy, like I mean, a genuine person like Canu Reeves, who is dating an age-appropriate woman.

Yeah, and he gets so much shit.

Does he get a lot of shit?

Yes.

Like, online, people are like, oh my God, she's got gray hair.

She's so old.

And it's like, well, yeah, it's age-appropriate.

That's

who you should be.

She looks lovely, though.

She's great.

And there's pictures of them eating in restaurants, like laughing and having the best time.

And like, they're very happy.

They look happy.

They look good.

Yeah.

How old is she?

I don't know.

How old is how old is she?

Let's see.

She's 52.

She's 52.

And how old is Canu?

Canoe's got to be a little older than that.

Maybe like

60.

Okay, so that's

eight years younger.

But that's still the proper ballpark.

Like he's, God, he looks so great.

He's so fit for 60.

60.

That's wild.

That doesn't look like a 60-year-old man.

No.

Neither does Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise was just up there.

He's 62.

But see, Canoe is half Asian.

So he's got that Asian blood that keeps you young forever.

They look great.

They don't age.

They don't age.

But do you think he's had work?

Yeah, a little bit.

Maybe a little, yeah.

But the right amount.

Yeah.

The right amount.

Movie stars should.

Absolutely.

If you're on a big screen and people are looking at your big, dumb head.

he's had it.

Cruise has had it.

Pitt.

Pit stops had it.

They all have little touch-ups.

You know, who's had really good work done?

Gwynney Peltrow.

Oh, really?

She apparently had the bottom lifted, and you can see because of the ears, you know, that.

And then she had the bleffs, which is, I'm going to have my upper blephs done in July.

You guys are going to get to see me all fucking weird looking.

But she looks great.

She had the right amount.

I'm not going to do that.

I'm just getting my eyelids dropped.

My eyelids are drooping.

But she looks fantastic.

She's just a few years older than me.

When I do it, I'm going to go full.

Full.

Full

all the way back.

This shit up here like this.

Yeah.

And I'm going to go, hi.

It's great to be back on stage.

Like Liberace, that Liberace movie when he couldn't close his eyes to sleep.

Snoring with his eyes open.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, Tom Cruise looks great.

He's 62 years old now.

That's ridiculous.

I'm not seeing.

When you look at somebody somebody and you're like, that guy's less than a decade from 70.

Impossible.

Yeah.

No, he takes good care of himself.

For sure.

Yeah.

All these celebrities, they all get face lips.

They're all doing all kinds of shit to their face.

He's on top of his nutrition.

That too.

He has been for decades.

That too.

He's physically fit.

He's really active.

Because I'll tell you, man, Gen Pop, when I was getting my colonoscopy, when I'm in these doctors' offices for all my blood work and all these MRIs and stuff,

Gen Pop does not look good, man.

I mean, I'm looking at people

in the future, and I'm like, this is what happens when you don't take care of your body, and you must start really taking care of yourself in your 40s.

Yeah, 40s is where you lay the ground.

It's crucial.

I know.

Because once you're 60, it's too late.

It's too late.

You've already got diabetes and problems.

If you're 60 and you haven't started, don't start.

Don't start.

It's too late.

Just throw in the towel.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Yeah.

Just keep going.

Well,

that's the message right now.

Your sister gives your mom shit for like drinking or or doing things.

And I'm like, don't give her shit.

She's 80 years old.

Let her eat cake and wine for dinner.

Who cares?

Yeah.

She's rounding third right now.

So it's just like, let her come home.

Yeah.

Who cares?

And she's in great health.

She doesn't have any health problems.

It's insane.

Yeah.

It's insane.

How long do you want her to go?

Until 100?

No.

Don't even put that out there.

God.

No.

Got a couple of years at best.

And she's in great health, so let her ruin it now.

Now's the time.

Right?

Yeah.

Don't start eating salads now when you're 80.

You've been eating like a toddler.

First of all, she won't anyway.

No.

No.

I've been trying to get her to do a daily casual neighborhood walk for one decade.

No.

And she's like,

I did it two weeks ago.

I hate it.

I'm like, okay.

Hates it.

Don't walk then.

And then she's like, I can't walk anywhere.

I'm like, yeah, okay.

She did do Pilates with Jane and me like two months ago, and she did it.

We were afraid that she'd fall off the machine and stuff.

Like, everybody was nervous, but she did it.

She should be.

She hasn't gone back yet, but yeah.

Yeah, she's out of her fucking mind.

Good genetics, though, Jane.

She's a crazy person.

Let's hope you get it.

It's crazy.

She's one of seven, you know.

I know.

She's the youngest of seven.

Most are dead.

Because who's alive?

Four are so three are dead.

It's all men.

Oh, don't say that.

Oscar,

Juan Liz, and Pepe are dead.

Some of them died in their 60s.

Don't say that.

It's true.

But Armando is still alive.

He's older than her.

Blanca is still alive.

She's older.

And Marita is still alive.

And she's older.

So

she has older siblings that are all alive.

I know.

I think about my DNA.

Like, I had bad luck with the breast cancer stuff.

But my dad, on the other hand,

is a roach.

He never had a green vegetable, never drank water in his life.

Just booze and like horseradish and sausage.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

He's in his late 70s now.

Yeah, dude.

He's going to be 80s.

Fine.

Crazy.

I just pray that he gets some of that.

It really is a roll of the dice, though, on this shit.

You know, it's some of it is.

No, all of it is.

My oncologist, I was like, hey, what's the common denominator with people you see that have cancer?

She goes, nothing.

Nothing.

Luck.

She's like, people who smoked their whole lives won't get lung cancer.

Somebody who's never smoked will get lung cancer.

Crazy.

She goes, actually, the only thing you can do

is be an asshole she goes assholes live forever and i'm like that's fucking so true yeah you know we know that um

we know that couple in la

where she's younger than him and um which one i feel like that's all of la no but these are friends okay and he doesn't look close to his age and he's like yeah this age like 60 ish and His parents lived into their 90s.

Wow.

And so you're like, oh, because you're like, well, you look really good.

Oh, right.

I know which couple you're talking about.

Oh, you look really good, man.

Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, mom's 96.

Yep.

You're like, mom's 96?

Yep.

Like, yeah.

And my dad lived to 94.

And you're like, oh, okay.

There's something in your genes.

It's totally genetics.

Yeah.

No, you're just, you're hashtag blessed or you're not.

If Charl pushes it into her 90s, I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

She might, dude.

She might.

It's unbelievable.

She's been promising to check out for so long now.

She just keeps fucking.

Because she's been threatening that shit.

Like, I'm going to die soon since I've known her for 20 years now.

Yeah.

I'm going to die.

Dude, I remember being a kid and she was like, I do understand I'm 45.

Yeah.

I'm going to die.

And I'm like, okay.

All right.

I'm six.

Yeah.

Thanks for telling me.

Yeah.

Put that mortality in your head already as a kid.

That doesn't help.

Pretty crazy.

This is so funny.

One of my favorite comedians is Miss Pat.

Oh, she's so funny.

And she was on Trick Daddy's Pod.

They were cooking.

This is such a funny exchange.

Damn, how long have you been in the game rapping and shit?

I've been rapping since 95.

Did you go to Diddy parties?

They don't invite no nigga like me at Diddy Parties.

My homeboys would rob that bitch, tell her all them niggas, put your dicks up and raise your hand and drop your money in your wallet in this basket.

Yeah, I ain't gonna invite no motherfucking Diddy parties.

I'm not a Diddy party ass nigga.

I'm not that kind of dude.

I love that Miss Pat has the balls to ask that.

Oh, of course.

She's the best.

She'll ask anything.

Have you gone to a ditty party?

So funny.

She's like, fuck no.

He's like, put your dicks up.

Take your wallets, which is true.

Which is true.

There's no way Trick Daddy and his crew would go to a ditty party.

That would never happen.

So fucking funny, though.

I love Miss Pat.

I think I'm going to see her.

Oh, yeah?

I think in New York, when I go to New York, she's going to be there.

Yeah, she's great, man.

We got to get her to move out to Austin where she's got family and shit.

Yeah.

I thought you would like this just because you like music.

You're a cool music fan.

Oh boy.

Multiple major labels told me that despite my talent, I was still too old in my mid-30s to begin a music career.

Well,

here's what I say to that:

My name is the Rafa,

and I make music.

Yeah.

Everything

I thought the staff put this together, but it's a real clip.

For people just listening, he's in a day glow bodysuit, and this is his, these are his tunes.

These are his tunes, yeah.

This is the guy.

He's not too old.

He's not too old.

No, you kidding me?

No fucking way, man.

He feels fresh as fuck, dude.

All is forgiven.

I wonder if putting that on is what puts him in a musical mood.

God.

Probably.

That's like his outfit, his show.

You know, we all wear shit on stage that makes you feel more funny.

Yeah.

This definitely makes him feel sexier and activated and like rhythmic, dude.

Dude, way to go, man.

Wait, do you think that's true, though, that you can't start a music career past 30?

Are there any examples of it?

I'm trying to think about it.

I mean, you can, but.

Moby.

Moby's old as fuck.

But he's been making music a long time.

Even before he broke it?

Yeah, because that's bald already, dude.

He broke with that album in like 97,

98.

That's when that Moby Play album came out.

It was like around 98, 99.

So that's already 25 plus years ago.

He was making music before that.

That wasn't his first album.

So he was, yeah, he was doing it alone.

Hold on.

Oh, Liz, but get it on.

I like it.

It's very catchy.

Yeah, it is catchy.

And I like, I actually like Day Glow thing, thing, the Glow-in-the-Dark shits.

Yeah.

Can I tell you, though, in today's world, you never know.

This song could take off on TikTok.

You never know.

And like people could be memeing that shit, and then he could get a fucking record deal now.

Yeah, I don't believe the shit about it's too late to do

creative stuff.

No.

If you want to write, if you want to paint, if you want to, you should definitely do it.

Start in your 50s.

There are people I follow on TikTok or like elderly people, and they're so rad.

They come up with crazy stuff.

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

No, I was looking at this thing on the porn?

No.

Fuck porn.

Yeah, you're thinking about what?

No.

What?

Suck your guy's cocks?

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

You fuck me and I'll blow him.

Fine.

Okay.

What would you do if you had to make like an album now?

But you do rap, right?

You'd be raps.

I don't think I could.

I'm not a...

No, I couldn't do that.

My interest isn't even in that.

It would be in production.

Like, that's the stuff I like.

What do you mean?

Like, making beats, even though I can't make one.

That's what I like the most.

Making beats.

Well, that's what I enjoy the most, is like the production in hip-hop.

You'd be like Rick Rubin, but Rick Rubin.

No, he's a producer.

Yeah.

Like, I'm saying, I like what the mellow, the beat that you hear.

Oh, I don't like that at all.

I like the lyrics and the words.

Because there are songs where the beat is cool, but the words are so dumb I tap out.

There's a lot of songs like that.

I can't do it.

I know.

And what I do is I tune out the words and I just listen to the beat.

You know what?

You would write a song about roogies.

You love them so much.

I love my roogies.

I suck on them all day long.

Rugies in my mouth.

I put them in my butt.

You should put them in your butt.

It's roogie test.

Yeah.

Well, you and those roogies.

The kids want to try the roogies, too.

We should get them.

Let your kids try roogies.

They already know that babies like to smoke and eat sausage.

You know what you brought up the other day that I was thinking about?

What?

How you learn alcohol drinks at different phases of your life?

Yes.

And I was thinking about it because I was like, like when you order a drink, like I remember learning what a screwdriver was.

Oh my God.

And feeling so like sophisticated.

So grown up.

And I'd be like, let me get a screwdriver.

And

I know.

Because it sounds hard, but it's not.

It's just vodka and orange juice.

You're like, yeah, I don't order.

I don't say, can I get a vodka and orange juice?

I was just going to go let me get a screwdriver.

And the night I OD'd when I was a freshman in college, I had 14 screwdrivers.

14?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's part of why I ate.

It's part of why I ended up in the hospital.

Tome.

Yeah.

Did you drink them before you dosed?

Yeah.

So I was lit.

I was super drunk.

And then I dosed.

And then I was like,

bro, you were on your way to a significant problem.

I was on my way to the grave.

Yeah.

You were doing 14 mixed drinks.

After ecstasy, too.

I took ecstasy.

Then I drank those 14 drinks over a few hours, obviously.

Oh, yeah, just a few hours.

And then I did the GHB.

But one of the things I always remember is screwdrivers.

You were on your way.

Yeah, and then you learned, what was the seven and seven?

No, hold on.

So, screwdrivers, when I was 13, Jenny Pentland taught me what a screwdriver was.

And we would make them in my house when my parents were gone and drink them in the jacuzzi.

They liked so bad.

It's a fucking screwdriver.

And that was the first drink.

And then you learned,

well, Zima was in college.

No, I didn't do that, I'm not getting that.

Oh, Strawberry Hill, Boone Strawberry Hill was high school.

Did you drink that?

No, what we started at, like, I also thought it was uh cool to say on the rocks.

Oh, my god, you can get that on the rocks, on the rocks, um, strawberry hill.

There it is, then cubal libre, which is a big one with like the Latinos, yeah,

which is just rum and coke, um,

but it sounds way better when you say cubal libre, yeah, um, seven and seven, seven Seven and seven.

Okay.

So once you start, so I did those in college.

Once you puke seven and seven, that phase ends.

That ends, yeah.

It's just like the Bacardi phase.

The first time you vomit that shit, you're done with Bacardi.

But here's the thing.

I still,

I'm so bad now.

One thing is I don't, I don't drink a lot, but I'm, whenever I see a cocktail menu, I'm like, oh, I go, what's like, because I always have kind of the same desire at this point in my life where I go, I like it to be like refreshing taste.

So I like things with cucumber, mint, and but like not too sweet.

So it can have a little bit, but like really sugary, sweet ones.

Yeah, forget it.

Oh my God.

Remember when you learned a Long Island icon?

I was just going to say that.

I learned that.

I feel like that was going from high school to college.

Yeah.

Let me get Long Island.

Oh, my God.

So Long Islands, I discovered like first year.

That's to get complex.

Obliterated.

Because they were cheap, right?

Because you could get one Long Island Iced Tea for $13 and then you'd be ripped.

And there was a couple places that would serve minors, Casa Vega in the valley, and the Dresden Room.

And we would go there and they would give you Long Island iced teas when you were like 18 years old.

Oh, shout out to Casa Vegas.

Casa Vega is still around, probably enjoying the free plug.

They serve minors.

Thanks for the underaged booze.

I'm sure they don't do it anymore.

But in the late 90s, that was fucking fire, dog.

Well, this old dogface, I used to just walk into bars at 17.

They'd be like,

how's it going, sir?

What do you like?

I had a fake idea.

Here's a Dresden.

Yeah.

You didn't have to pull it out all the time.

I didn't have to do it either.

No, the Dresden Room, this is before it became cool from that movie Swingers.

You think of your tits?

They saw your tits and they were like, this titted broad as a kid.

Because tits got me to buy cigarettes when I was 13 at the time to buy a liquor store off Newcastle in Venturo Boulevard.

I would wear my bikini top in when I was 13 and go-go boots and a skirt, and the guy would always sell me cigarettes.

And that's how I got booze.

And then beer in high school, I think we had a plug.

Like, I think somebody's brother got us beers.

Yeah.

And then you'd go to the nightclub.

We'd go to like Helderskelter, the Goth Club, park in the parking lot across the street, drink our beers in the parking lot, and then go into the club with a fake ID.

I went into a liquor store in Boston.

I was visiting my sister.

I was going to school there.

And I go to the liquor store and I put all the beer and everything on the counter.

And the guy was like, ID?

And I handed it to him.

He laughed and handed it back.

He goes, get the fuck out of here.

I was like, did you even get the beer?

No, he was like, get out of here.

But that's also a fake ID town because Boston is a massive college community.

You know, they have 61 colleges and universities in the greater Boston area.

So they're used to underage kids trying to.

Yeah.

He was like, get out the fuck out of here, dude.

Yeah.

Oh, seven and seven.

And then Cosmopolitans.

See, I don't even know what that is.

When that came out, Sex in the City came out, and then all the girls were drinking their like pink foofy drinks.

And

you get fucking shitty on these a few times, and then you're done with the Cosmo fan.

I had my first martini last year.

Really?

I've never had a martini.

Those are good.

Yeah.

They're not sweet.

Never had one.

It's not sugar.

Sugar is what gives you the big, big hangover.

I'll tell you what I am into.

Ginatonic.

I like Ginatonics with Hendrix

and monkey food.

Sorosos.

Yeah, but that's vodka, though.

Vodka and stomach.

Yeah, but that's a, that, the one that I like for vodka is you do osos, a little soda water,

a little bit of simple syrup, and then the muddled cucumbers with mint because that's like a refreshing drink.

I think that's kind of like,

what's it called, like a vodka sour or a Tom Collins?

Like it's a version of that.

But what's the other one that I, oh, I like espresso martinis.

I can't do that.

I like that.

I don't want to get jacked and drunk.

It's like, remember when I like coffee, so it's like that taste is so good.

I know, but I have bad memories of doing Red Bull vodkas in the early aughts, and then you'd be up playing playing video games, drunk as shit at three in the morning.

We can have an espresso martini day here, guys.

We should do that one day.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

Sounds good to me.

Yep.

Porosos on the rocks with just some lime

is so good.

That's good.

And it doesn't have that burning shit.

No, it's good to see it.

It's just like clean.

So good.

Yeah.

But you know what?

I, you know, at the end of my drinking career, it was just wine because all this stuff is like, I can't, dude.

I know.

I can't metabolize this shit.

Can't drink too much because in this case happens.

I want a button for a bathroom that just plays the purge noise, the claxin,

whenever you have to shit.

Everyone around knows you have shit.

Her foofies are real bad.

They're bad.

Yeah.

Why are they all black?

They are rotten.

They're rotting, and that's probably going to affect her brain soon.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it'll go to your brain.

The rot?

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you can't.

She's got serious decay going on in there.

What does she want the sound of?

The purge?

The purge when she has to shit or after she shit.

Yeah, yeah, but everybody knows she's shitting.

She's a big girl.

There's no fucking mysteries.

She's not quiet about it.

They're all like, oh, we know what happened in there.

And by the way, we don't need a sound effect.

No, they know.

And I know when you shit, because, oh my god, the other morning you were in there, and I've noticed this about you, but I haven't articulated it.

Is that you're always like, oh,

ah,

like you make make grandpa sounds when you're shitting.

It feels good.

Ah!

You make sounds when things feel good.

You know?

You're not embarrassed.

Somebody rubs your scalp, you go, ah,

eat something good.

Take a nice shit.

That's what you do.

That's your sound.

And you do it out loud.

I'm right next to you.

You're not embarrassed that I would hear you go, ah.

No, I want you to know that I feel good now.

Oh, Oh, I noticed.

Yeah.

I just, I don't know.

I guess we're built different that way.

It feels good.

If you pull up my bean bag,

okey-dokie.

I do that, but I don't know.

I think I'd be embarrassed if I made a sound like that.

Absolutely not.

It's very cool.

Peachy break.

Yeah, I got a whiz, too.

Oh,

that is pretty.

And we're back, and it's time to explore the marginalized community.

Can't fucking wait.

Let's see what you got for us today.

Let's do it.

All right.

She was looking for me.

Oh, here I go.

I'm about to enter a world

where anything is possible.

Won't you come with me?

Come into the portal of instant manifestation.

Okay.

Let's go.

Is it Ash Wednesday?

Is that why that's on her forehead?

I think it's a birthmark.

Oh, okay.

Well, why don't you want to go into the fucking portal?

Well, anything is possible.

I think that's cool.

You don't want to make manifestations happen

now?

Drugs are involved with something like this.

She doesn't look high.

She doesn't look high.

I think she just has...

Birthmark.

No, not a birthmark.

I think she has a severe mental illness.

No.

Yeah.

Why don't you open your fucking mind to another portal?

Yeah.

Where anything is possible?

What is wrong with you?

You're so closed-minded.

How do you know she's possible?

She has that crazed look in her eyes for sure.

Yeah.

Babe.

She's very disturbed.

You know what?

You and I, this is where we digress.

We go different directions.

I'm all into this now.

Okay.

I want to see the portal.

Wow.

Oh, shit.

The balls to play this music and do the slow turn.

It's kind of tight, right?

Yeah.

I suppose it's like, oh, my shit.

It's tight.

Damn.

That's how you can pull it.

Nice.

That was.

Okay, so hold on.

We could give my mother this haircut.

Oh, we should.

It's got V-shaped bangs high above the ears and then a sweet long rat tail.

But a thick one.

It's not a little tail.

It's not a rat tail, though.

It's not a real tail.

It's like a.

It's like a fox tail.

A pony rat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It looks so good.

That is so horrendous.

Shout out to whoever did that.

I didn't think anything could be that bad, but you did it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's real dog shit.

Yeah.

This is a special secret menu item at the Plasma Gate Coco.

These are all 100% agave tequila.

This one is tequila anejo.

This yellow one is tequila reposato.

And this other red one is tequila blanca.

Make sure you ask for this because they only have a limited amount on board.

And you do keep it at $65.

They're all sealed.

You can see.

Okay, yeah.

It's 100 milliliters, so that's three and a third ounces.

So it's some Disney dorsal

telling you about a secret menu item.

These two retards spend money at Disney everything.

And they're childless.

So again, low IQ adults with no children going to fucking Disneyland and eating and drinking all this sugar-loaded crap.

And they're so pumped to give Disney their money.

It's ridiculous.

Every post is like, we just spent, we bought the limited edition mug.

Yeah, they looked like it's like, what are you doing?

Yeah, some people, you know,

they get excited about different things, and this one is as dumb as it gets.

So, congratulations.

Absolutely fucking stupid.

So dumb.

Yeah.

Oh, so this is a real place.

Special things about Hammond Harmony's

hair.

Who doesn't like having their hair brushed?

It's the ultimate nurture.

What mummies do, isn't it?

So come and have your hair brushed.

Yeah.

So I don't have hair, but if I could lay in that and have a scalp massage.

Yes.

So I love these two women so much.

I DM'd them and I was like, I love everything about this.

Where is it?

In London?

Fuck, I forget.

It's in the UK, right?

Yeah, it's not around us.

Right.

That was dummies.

I know.

And they were like, yeah, if we open on in Austin.

I'm like, please, you just lay in a hammock and somebody brushes your hair.

That's pretty rad.

This is a good find.

I think.

Congratulations.

It's one of the only upsetting, non-upsetting TikToks you've found.

Really cool.

You're welcome.

That's a great idea.

I know.

Oh, Salt.

Stick Stick Nation.

I'm in in Boston, Massachusetts.

I just found this stick.

It's got some magical shield properties to it for sure.

As you can see, the display here, it can cast magical wards and spells around it.

It could also be used as a type of spinning device of some sort, and in a pinch, you could turn it into an umbrella.

Well,

this is my stick.

Thank you, Stignation.

I mean, that's a pretty kick-ass stick, dude.

That is pretty cool.

I don't know that it can fend off evil spirits.

What is wrong with you today?

But it is.

It's just from official stick reviews.

You don't believe in the spirit world.

You don't believe in alien portals.

What the fuck, dude?

Do I even know you anymore?

Okay.

Nothing like a box of little duppy honey buns.

Oh.

I guess we have Disney adults doing food reviews now.

I've never had.

Nothing like it.

I've never had those.

Have you had those?

Honey buns?

She seems to like them very much.

They look frozen, and then you're supposed to heat them up.

Her face looks frozen.

Yep, there's something going on there.

Yeah.

Something dead inside.

I like wrapping honey bun.

Okay.

What?

Oh my god.

This is a lady at a buffet?

This guy.

What the fuck?

Just keep watching.

I am watching.

Keep it.

This guy's just staring at the camera.

Okay.

You could look like this.

Yeah.

I definitely think this could be me.

Yeah.

Now she's getting a pedicure, a manicure, and he's following her there.

He's having a good time.

He watches her eat.

There's the food.

This is really well put together.

Thanks for flagging this.

I think we understand what the food is.

Well, hold on, you don't understand what's happening here.

30-second shot of the food.

So that's her on the phone.

Do you sense a theme here?

Is that he really likes videoing?

Her.

Her.

yeah

it's an entire account that this guy just filmed dedicates to her filming her you know what's cool is that reality is what you make of it and in his mind he's hit a home run yeah of course he's in heaven of course he's like yeah of course i document this why don't you take a little lesson from him what do you mean I'm just saying you could worship me a little bit more.

You could take videos of me lovingly a little bit more.

What's wrong?

Have you ever felt discriminated against during travel?

I recently hosted 13 plus size travelers in Thailand, and unfortunately, during our trip, we were discriminated against.

No!

As a Thailand black woman that's traveled extensively through Southeast Asia and Thailand specifically, I was able to give my travelers the heads up that they were more than likely going to experience some fat phobia during our trip.

What I wasn't expecting was that the company that we hired to give us a tour through Bangkok's floating market would be the source of the fatphobic comments.

Bangkok's floating market is a historical and cultural site that I was super excited for my travelers to experience, which is one of the reasons why it was a highlight as I built the itinerary.

My travelers were super excited to visit the floating market, but I could feel the mood shift as soon as we started to get on the boats.

I make sure that all of the companies that I work with are aware that my clients and I are all plus size travelers so that hopefully that can minimize the shock and awe when we arrive.

After the tour, I checked in with all of my clients and unfortunately one of them was called some disturbing names in English by one of the boat staff.

In response, we declined to give a tip and contacted the management of that boat company.

I've also decided not to bring my clients back to the floating market.

What would you do if this happened to you?

Let me know in the comments.

Wish we could hear a little more detail about the

comments.

Like, what did they call?

Yeah.

And I have a feeling, I mean, look, you're in another culture.

They are not as sensitive as we are.

And they're not, and Thai people are small.

They're built.

Like, they have a very slender build.

So to see, like,

big American women, it's going to be shocking.

There's probably a lot of, oh, yeah.

The market closed early today.

They aren't in Japan, babe.

You remove?

That's more of this, isn't it?

You eat all the food.

We don't shop because there's no food left for you.

You're so fat and so black.

We never see so black, fat like you before.

Exactly what they said to them.

Exactly.

They were like, oh, you're very big.

American football player.

No, we're women.

You play for cowboy.

And I know it because I've, like, when I was in Korea, yeah, they were like, Oh, you're too big, like they thought I was too big because I was like, I think I went to shop for a bra or something, and they were like, Oh, no, no big sizes for you.

And I was like, Thank you.

So, they just do, they just laugh at you in your face.

I'm so fat.

Oh, you're so big.

Why are you so big?

You never stop or eat, you eat all the day

exactly, and then they laugh, of course, yeah of course it's really fun yeah yeah

these saltwater crocodiles in indonesia have apparently learned how to pretend to be drowning to lure humans in who they view as prey who they then obviously eat

that's

awesome right that's incredible yeah

who but who sees a a croc drowning and goes i gotta get in there well they don't think it's a croc they might think it's people because they're just they're on their back with the hands up.

Like, if you see the look at it, no, I'm serious, that's what they're trying to do.

Look like hands to me.

I'm like, yo, this motherfucker's smart.

Holy shit, he's imitating people.

See, yeah, you don't, if you don't know that the croc's in there, you might think that's a human.

I bet there's some weird hands on that motherfucker.

I know, shit.

I might think it's a human and jump in.

Really?

I might be like, it's a kid in there.

Like, if I didn't know there were crocs in there, that is so crazy.

I would think it's like a kid or a severely disfigured.

This must have happened, by the way,

a few times.

Like, look at that.

That looks like a hand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Oopsie.

Croc's like, dumb motherfucker.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't even understand how he got those five fingers.

Like, what?

What is that?

Fuck.

I don't know, man.

What on a crock could look like that?

Those are crock paws.

The crock paw has the same mentality as those Thai Thai people.

Look at the fat man jump in the water.

We eat you now, fatty.

Oh, come here.

Okay, that's it.

Yeah, luring in the tourist.

Ahoy there, Italia.

I be hearing that somebody named John wanted to give you a little message.

Our matey, the sea be vast, but every day we have a chance to chart the course worth of remembering.

I be grateful that our ships be crossing,

but not for all treasures maybe of gold.

Okay.

She sounds like she comes from the Burt School of Impressions.

He does similar accents.

Yeah.

I've never heard him do an accent.

Oh, that's really bad.

It's the people that you'll be meeting.

How is this a fucking four-minute video?

How long this bitch talks like this for this long?

She's from retarded ireland okay different country

oh my god please so it's so long

thanks a lot for that real nice treat you really appreciate it i thought you'd like her

so uh bad thoughts comes out may 13th and um don't forget the two bears 5k is may 4th in tampa florida 5 000 miles i'm on tour thompsogir.com slash tour for tickets buy my lip shits lip shits are on sale for Christine.

My eyeglasses are so dirty every time I put them on.

Just film.

That was a horrible video.

I need new ones.

My prescription is up.

Thank you guys for watching.

Thank you for listening.

And we'll see you next week.

Hi, mommy.

Speaking of cocks,

how you feeling about this?

You like those uncircumcised cocks, as I recall?

Sure, sure.

Beautiful dip.

Taste good.

Got it coming those balls.

I'm a stupid question.

What's coming in those balls?

Yeah, you like uncircumcised guys, as I recall.

Olivia loves a challenge.

It's why she lifts heavy weights

and likes complicated recipes.

But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way with Expedia.

She bundled her flight with a hotel to save more.

Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Ivy Tower.

You were made to take the easy route.

We were made to easily package your trip.

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