Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807

Alaska, Idaho, and Montana, get ready.

My come together tour is coming your way this week.

Thursday, April 24th, I'll be at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage, Alaska.

Saturday, April 26th, I'll be at Idaho Falls at the Mountain America Center.

And then Sunday, April 27th, I'll see you at First Interstate Arena at Metra Park in Billings, Montana.

Get tickets now at tomsgura.com/slash tour.

Thank you.

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Trip planner by Expedia.

You were made to outdo your holiday,

your hammocking,

and your pooling.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia made to travel.

You don't say?

Honestly.

You know what I'm saying?

Like.

You know what I'm saying?

Like this, Norma Sam.

My mom laws.

You know what I'm saying?

By that.

By that same French excellence.

You know what I'm saying?

Like.

The mayor of Norm San.

Yeah, he must be the mayor.

Here we go.

You know what I'm saying?

Like this, you know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

Like,

you know what I'm saying?

Like this, you know what I'm saying?

Do anyone understand that?

There you go.

Do anyone understand?

Ghost crew, you know what I'm saying?

God, ghost crew.

Yeah, they always gave us bangers, man.

Yeah, I like them.

That was Dennis Rodman at the end.

Yeah.

Some of those voices we haven't heard in a minute.

Dennis, does he, where's his stuff?

Is he in

he went to Korea, to North Korea, to remember, to hang?

He was so drunk.

He was hammered.

And they had like some guys with him who were so put together and they were like, well, Dennis has his own challenges.

He means well.

They were like, this guy is fucking out of his mind.

Well, because he went to North Korea to play basketball.

Yeah.

And for Kim Jong-un, Kim Jong-un loves NBA basketball.

So they went there on like a humanitarian trip.

And I think

they were all retired former players and they played like the North Korean national team.

And I believe they lost.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

But everyone was kind of like, yeah, it's fine.

Go ahead and lose.

Yeah.

Like, don't

embarrass them.

He was so unhinged.

Remember that time when he did karaoke and he was just like ripped?

Yeah, he was ripped that whole trip.

Yeah, he was ripped.

We're gonna keep the motherfuckers out.

Lil Trump.

This is Lil Trump, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We run in the industry now.

We've run in the industry now.

There's so much that we've cultivated for this episode.

There's something I'm excited to show you.

There's things you're excited to show me.

I'm just saying, like, you can't, you're like, you've never, you're never, you don't usually come in and go like, I can't wait to show you this thing.

I got to tell you, I've sent this to my group chat of girlfriends that are down for this, okay, that are like down for these clips.

Yeah.

Half of them tapped out.

Tapped out of this clip.

They're just like, I can't even watch it, dude.

It's so, you know, Sarah, my fate, my, she loves these things.

Sarah introduced me to Gigi Allen when we were 18.

And she saw this clip?

She was like, wow, like this is intense.

I made it all the way through.

But even watching it all the way through.

God damn.

Okay.

Yes.

All right.

Well, maybe just for women.

I don't know.

We'll get to it.

I'm going to.

This is not the clip.

Oh, here we go.

I'm scared.

No, no, I'm just going to be delicious.

I'm just going to play our opening clip, but we'll get to your

exciting clip soon.

Okay.

All right.

I mean.

All right.

Hold on a second now.

Hold on a second now.

all right.

And here's your open here.

You go.

I want to fuck.

So, if any girl wants to get down, party, smoke weed tonight, and fuck my brains out, and I goddamn mean it.

Yeah, get in touch with my promoter.

He'll give you his cell phone number.

Make sure you say him if you're from Long Island, preferably somewhere county, and let's have fun.

Let's have the time of our life.

Fuck yeah, dude.

That's pretty cool.

Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Yeah, no mama fucking stand.

Well, well, well, well,

welcome to your long house.

This guy's down, man.

He's really, he's fired up.

He's fired.

There's no other way to beer.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

I'm such a fucking retard.

Meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Oh, that was a good one.

I love this guy so much.

Yeah, the bagel guy.

So

if he reminds you of anybody, it's because

a few years back,

this guy was the five-foot-tall dude who lost his shit in a bagel store for being made fun of for his height.

And it went viral.

He became, I guess that's why he has a promoter.

So

I like that he's like, you want to fuck?

Hit up my promoter and tell him you're from Suffolk County, preferably.

Why Suffolk County?

And let's get high and let's fuck.

But was it just this proximity?

Because the girl's closer?

Yeah, I guess he's like, I don't want someone to hit me up that's like the next

town over.

That's amazing.

Yeah, like the bagel shop.

I don't know if I can bring this in.

You're great women.

Why is is that okay?

Why is it okay for women to say, oh, you're five feet on dating sites?

You should be dead.

That's okay.

Who said that to you here?

Nobody.

Women in general have said it on dating sites.

You think I'm making that shit up?

Everywhere I go, I get the same smirk with a biting lip.

Shut your mouth.

You're not God or my father or my boss.

Dude, you wanna step outside?

You wanna step outside?

Huh?

I'm not standing.

Ow.

I'm not.

I'm not.

You shut up, dude.

I'm just going to attack you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Shit.

I just want a vague.

Yeah.

And if I replenish my side, you better lose.

Get your food in the back.

What happened?

You know what?

East Coasters hit it different, man.

So that guy is the same guy.

Don't want to fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, I believe it.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, he's back in the zeitgeist to get it.

Hit up his promoter.

His promoter.

What do you think he does?

I think he probably should have just been like, hit me up.

Yeah, knock down.

I don't know what we do if we need a middleman.

Through the promoter.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

You know what I love about East Coasters?

Yeah.

Is the women watching this are laughing.

I know.

That's how hardcore East Coasters are in in general.

She's like,

Yeah.

If that would happen in California or Texas, women would be like, oh my god, they're so much tougher than us over there.

They're used to more chaos.

Yeah.

Yeah, that New York City chaos.

Yeah.

Long Island chaos.

Well, he looks a little inebriated.

It was crazy that, though, in that, I forgot that in the bagel shop, this other guy attacked him, like, jumped on him.

I forgot that bit too.

I forgot that.

Do you think that guy was talking shit about him being small?

Probably.

I think they were talking shit about how angry he was in general, and everyone was like, Just get your fucking bagel.

Yeah, and he brought up like obviously like real things, like I get made fun of, and people are always snickering and saying these things about me.

And then he got in people's faces, and one of them was like, I'll fucking take you down, bro.

Damn, pretty crazy.

Well, I hope he got laid this night.

I like him.

There's definitely a girl out there for him somewhere.

I know there is.

God, this is the easiest money you can make.

That sounds like a godjoint.

I don't believe it.

She's not.

That's not real.

I know my farts.

That sounds like an AMG engine.

Like if you're real.

Listen to the way an AMG starts.

It's very similar.

That's not real.

You don't think that's real?

No.

These are just sound effects?

Yeah.

You know why?

Why?

She's not pushing.

Those sounds...

Look, you're talking to the fart master.

Oh, my goodness.

You know I am.

Yeah.

I see.

There's no push.

There's no.

She She doesn't seem to be pushing hard, but maybe she's just got a talent.

For a girl?

No.

This is a even dude.

You'll see them.

Yeah.

You bear down.

There's no bearing down.

I'm going to call bullshit on this.

Wow.

I said it.

I'm a fart expert.

We would love to hear from you.

This is Mila.

The Instagram is the fart world official.

She's one of the fart models there.

Prove it.

Mila's part of Fart World, which is an OnlyFans account with over 150 models on their channel.

Fart World changes $14, charges $14.95 a month to watch all the models fart.

That's great.

We are challenging whether or not these are authentic farts to everybody at the Fart World official.

And to Mila, you're being doubted.

I don't know if there's any way you could prove that you're actually farting like that.

I mean, come to Texas, Mila.

Come sit on our couch and you can fart like that with no pushing, no bearing down.

You will sit on Ennie's lap and you will fart and we'll just see how it goes.

Let's see it.

Bring one of these models here.

It's 10 in the morning.

Come Come on, man.

By the way, $14.95 a month.

To watch all these models, Fart?

Models.

150 models.

I mean, they're making a great living.

How many subscribers do they have?

Well, that's what we don't know.

We don't know.

Yeah, you can't.

We don't know the math.

I got to tell you.

You're not doing this for free.

I'll tell you that.

Got to tell you, if things got desperate for me, this is the first place I would head.

You would go to seat, farts,

what else?

Selling used underwear.

Yeah.

Used gym clothes.

Easy money.

Easy money.

Easy money.

Easy money.

I don't like this.

You don't like this?

I don't like it.

I don't like him.

I don't like it.

Why?

He looks sick.

Oh, he's fine.

He doesn't look normal.

He's normal.

I don't like this cliff.

What is this?

This is upsetting.

I don't like this.

This reminds me of my cousin Chubba in Hungary, who's touched.

Like, this is something Chubba would probably do.

Chubba rides his bike right now.

Or yeah, he looks for aliens around Budapest on his bicycle.

Yeah.

This guy's probably doing a similar thing.

I don't like it.

I don't like that he's just, his arms are too thin.

Yeah.

I don't like the rocking.

I don't like the fan.

Okay.

I don't like any fucking.

There's a hole in the wall.

Right, Enny?

I feel like Ennie fucking hates it, too.

Yeah, the hole in the wall is definitely my first.

Like, what is going on with this man?

I'm a little scared for him.

But you know what?

He should get his.

Yeah, exactly.

He should.

Stay positive.

I support him.

You mean

make a living on.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

You don't want to join his OnlyFans?

You don't want to pay the...

Oh, he's black slang.

He's going to get his.

I thought you were meaning like he's going to get beaten.

No.

It used to be that's with the the mafia gonna get no he's just okay now it's all right whatever man yeah there's so much to go through i can't believe you're wasting time on this okay um

well a fun transition is uh ktla did you see what ktla put out no ktla which was your local news for most of your life whole childhood um they just uh a couple days ago just a out of nowhere sent out a tweet

and you know what the tweet said no

uh we'll have i gotta start following the ktla news news team.

Yeah, you got to start following them.

I think I've been on this channel, Channel 5.

They just tweeted out the N-word.

No.

Yep.

That's it.

Just that.

Just that.

Just

N-word's plural, it looks like.

Can I see that bigger, please?

I'm trying to.

Let's see.

Huh Larious.

Yeah.

Just that.

Yeah.

Wow.

They just put that out

and

they called it a technical error.

They accidentally posted the N-word from a news.

A news station was just like, here's our thought today.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

And that's all that it was.

And then they had to

follow up and just said, we experienced a technical error while adding language filters

to our

what is it

to our social media accounts, resulting in an offensive word being accidentally shared.

We are appalled and apologized that this occurred.

Feels like somebody just tweeted it.

Not that they were like, oh, we were updating our filters and then this happened.

Yeah.

But yeah.

Somebody at KTLA is not a fan.

So they meant to add the n-word to its list of muted words, but accidentally posted it instead.

I buy that story.

Like, here's something we shouldn't say: let's just post it

to our several hundred thousand followers.

Oh my God.

Could you imagine seeing that tweet?

You're like, Yeah.

What is going on?

KTLA.

Yeah.

N-words.

Yep.

Jeez.

Yeah.

Jeez.

Amazing.

Amazing.

I love KTLA, right?

Josh, don't you feel a sense of like, that's my shit.

Yeah, that's right.

KTLA is great, but KTLA, you can't just tweet the N-words.

You can't just tweet the N-words.

You just can't do it.

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Could you imagine being the person that did that?

Maybe they wanted to do that.

Maybe they didn't mean to do that.

Hoping they didn't mean to do that.

Yeah.

You're like,

you can't do that.

You can't do that.

You can't do it.

And like, you're the one that did it.

And you're like, you go to your best friend at the KTLA job.

That's right.

Jesus fucking Christ, Tom.

I fucked up so bad, dude.

I deleted it right away, but do you think they saw it?

Do you think they did?

They saw what?

It'd be like, wait, you couldn't have done something that bad.

I was just fucking joking around.

Kevin and I were fucking around, and I fucking accidentally tweeted it.

Tweeted what?

You know, dude, the N-word.

I told her to fucking do it.

You tweeted the N-word.

I did.

I didn't think you would fucking go out, though, dude.

I deleted it.

It's definitely your last day here, bro.

Fuck.

I'm so fucked.

Yeah, you definitely got to pack up.

Can I tell you something?

I'm stupid enough to do something like this.

Like, as a joke, to be like, dude, look, what's the worst thing I could fucking tweet?

Here it is, bro.

And then it sends, and then my life is over.

Yeah, it would definitely be.

Fucking do that.

I know.

I don't know if I would do N-word, though.

I might do something funnier, like more LA-specific.

Yeah.

Like Mexican stuff, maybe, you know?

Petrolo stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, damn.

That definitely got everybody on the social media team into a meeting that day.

For sure.

They're like, everybody go to the conference room real quick.

Fuck.

We have something we need to discuss.

But I know it wasn't that light because it's LA.

Like they got into eight.

Like it was heavy.

It was like the HR had to come out and talk to everybody about their feelings and counsel people.

And you know what I'm saying?

Oh, of course.

It was heavy.

I bet you it was heavy.

Okay.

Good segue.

Mother's Day just around the corner.

Yeah.

Get mom my lipstick.

The perfect four is the perfect gift.

You can't decide what shade to get her.

Get her all four.

She's going to love every single one of them.

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Pin and Madison.

I'm wearing Madison today.

Yeah, check this out.

Watch this shit.

Watch this bullshit.

Scott Welsh, he did a Muppet-style spin-off where he takes like podcast clips and he posts them.

He put this one out the other day.

Speaking of not being fat, I'm back on the Ozempics.

Get out of here.

But they upped my dose because I was eating right through it like a pig the last time I did it.

And now I want to die.

It's so gross.

Like, I feel so sick all the time, but I'm looking thinner already.

You look great.

Yeah.

The main thing is that you're getting all the benefits of an eating disorder.

Yeah.

You know, without all the health complications.

It's good.

He even got the cool guys behind us.

That's pretty awesome.

This is amazing.

Way to go, Scott.

Thanks so much for doing that.

Thank you.

I love this.

And also, we love the Muppets.

So much.

I miss that show.

I wish they'd bring that one back.

Yeah.

But Jim Henson's dead.

It's not going to work.

That guy was the magic with that trip.

He was the magic.

Sometimes you can't duplicate it.

Cannot.

He was the right blend of heart and comedy and pot and you know it was the 70s you gotta bring weed back into the system yeah i think so i think the drugs are bad and that's why music and creative stuff sucks so fucking hard right now well yeah you don't want to you don't need the fucking people are too hardcore fentanyl and shit yeah you just need some good weed man just some weed maybe some good ecstasy or molly is what the kids are taking now sure yeah i don't know um cigarettes are nice too just smoke real cigarettes Why are you vaping?

Stop vaping.

It looks so fucking gay.

There you go.

Stop looking gay.

Vaping is for fucking, it's for children.

Smoke like an adult.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you're going to go, go hard.

It was so fun the other day.

We were talking about babies with the boys.

Yeah.

And they were like,

why do you give a baby?

I go, well, babies love spicy sausage.

So you got to, if you ever have a baby, you give them real spicy sausages.

And then you give them cigarettes and tequila.

And they were laughing so hard.

They're like, to a baby?

I was like, yeah, man.

Babies love to smoke, drink, and eat spicy foods.

And they were like, ah.

It's so fun giving them misinformation lately because now they're at the age where they can pick up on it.

Yeah, they know.

They know they're like putting it together.

They're like, but wouldn't a baby get sick?

I was like, no, man, not up to you.

That's so much fun.

Trying to make a baby strong.

You make a baby smoke.

So fun.

So fun.

Yeah, we went to Three Forks restaurant the other day.

And we were like, yeah, they give you three forks.

And if you don't use all three of them, you have to spend the night at the rest.

You have to spend the night at the restaurant.

And they're like, Is that true?

Yeah, of course it's true, you idiot.

Do you fucking sleep there until you use your third fork?

You got to use all three, dummy.

By the way, I took them to see Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, the musical.

Yeah, it was so good.

They did such a great job.

I'm a huge fan of Mo Willem's books.

We love them at the house.

Yeah.

But I've been noticing a lot of low-IQ adults at like

children's things lately.

Like, I look for them now.

Uh-huh.

And I'm like, why are you here?

You don't have a kid with you, weirdo.

That's definitely weird.

And it definitely brings about,

it's a great segue.

And I definitely think they are low IQ adults.

There are some out there that are enormous.

Checking out just children's entertainment.

I don't get it.

And I also think that parents are too involved with the kids on the playground.

Let them just freaking work it out.

Work it out.

Let them work it out.

You don't need to watch everything.

The LA Times put out an article that they discovered that fake Down syndrome influencers are being created with AI.

They're being used to promote OnlyFans content.

What a wonderful word.

Isn't this insane?

I've been waiting for this.

We were talking about like, what's going on?

Like, how are all these Downs people just being like, you want to fuck?

So.

It's so great.

Here's what it says.

A disturbing trend has emerged in which artificial intelligence is being used to create fake Instagram influencers with Down syndrome to promote adult content.

According to a report from 404 Media, this practice often involves stealing content from real creators and replacing their faces with AI-generated ones.

These fabricated personas are then used to sell explicit content, exploiting the fetishization of disabilities.

Weird.

One of the most notable AI-generated influencers is at Maria Dopari.

Can you pull up hers?

Is her Instagram still there?

Let's see.

Instagram got wise.

Did it take hers down?

Better not.

Nope.

She's got great cans.

It's the big tit.

So it's not.

Oh, it's not.

It is down.

It is down.

So she got, I mean, the LA Times aren't.

This was her.

This was her.

These accounts typically recycle content reusing videos, bios, and linking to the same adult content platforms.

While many of the AI-generated faces appear convincing at first glance, subtle distortions and inconsistencies often reveal their artificial nature.

And then it says, some of these AI personas explicitly reference their appearance in relation to adult content, even using phrases like only Down as part of their marketing.

Hey, so these are

the main.

So that's the answer to this.

When we were like, what's going on with Down's adult content?

It's AI generated.

Thank God AI.

But this is how technology always spurs forward.

It's used in pornography.

It is.

Pornography always goes well.

choice.

Also, this is Victoria's Secret fault.

Remember, Victoria's Secret was the first to fetishize the Down syndrome model.

We called it out fucking two, three years ago, like, hey, guys, is it really a cool idea?

It really was kind of strange.

To essentially make somebody who may not be intellectually capable of choosing this career aware of the repercussions of being sexualized.

Oh, thanks, Victoria's Secret.

You fucking dipshits.

And this created a whole lane of guys J in their Dype Down syndrome, girls.

Good.

Good.

See?

Children, essentially, intellectual children.

Okay.

It's not fair.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Well, it's a perfect white chance to segue into one of Ennie's inner thoughts.

Stop letting your hoes play with you.

When you got some super fine shit, a baddie, some super ultra-fine shit.

I don't be going hella places with that hoe.

I go only where I have to go with her.

I'm not going to be sitting here watching dudes dudes stare at her ass

and drool all over her and shit and flirt with her in my face and disrespect me and shit.

Run her validation up and put that bitch on a pedestal.

I'd be like, fuck that.

She'd be like, oh, you want to run over here with me?

No, go by yourself.

I'll be here waiting because you know they're all going to come back.

Oh, this dude hit on me and this many guys was looking at me and staring at me and this shit.

Bitch, stop the fucking.

Who gives two shits about all that bullshit?

Come on, run that throat.

That's true.

Be my throat goat.

Throat goat.

Fuck yeah.

Is this how you feel like when we go out?

Hell yeah.

And you're like, bitch, don't even look at me.

Compliment that bitch.

Yeah.

What do you think, Annie?

This dude sounds like he used to be a player.

That's what this sounds like.

It's giving me the energy that he was a player when he was like 18.

And then the nigga went broke, lost all his teeth, started fucking talking shit to everybody.

Nobody likes him.

And he's just like, man, bitch, I ain't doing nothing for you.

Like, yeah, that's because no bitch wants you no more.

That's what I'm saying.

He's still proud.

Wow.

I hear what you're saying.

That's a great assessment.

I would say I've watched all of his content.

And he definitely purports to be still active in the player realm.

Yeah, because he's getting stragglers, right?

Outliers.

Scraps.

He ain't getting good no more.

No.

Well.

I think Ennie's spot on.

This guy's seeing some financial hardships.

His game isn't as big as it used to be.

I agree.

I see the decline.

Still has a lot of wisdom.

A lot of wisdom to share.

Okay.

He's an elder.

You got to listen to him.

Stop it.

Just fucking stop it.

Stop fucking girls who neck and head and throat is not on the motherfucking menu.

That shit is supposed to be on the motherfucking menu, twin, my boy, my G, my God, focus, family, teammate,

blood, blood, cuz, bro, bro, that shit supposed to be on the motherfucking menu.

Right.

Do bitch be like, oh, I do this, and I'll do a little bit of this, and I'll do some of that, but I won't do that.

Bitch, it's all on the motherfucking menu.

The menu, hoe, nobody above the motherfucking program.

That shit is part of the program.

That's part of my motherfucking program.

Nobody's above the program, not even me.

Get with the motherfucking program bitch wear the throw run the motherfucking throw oh

so it's a really interesting point that he's making though i'm not sure i understand it yeah so what he's saying is like some girls are saying specifically like oh i don't give head sure right and he's saying no bitch it's all on the menu the menu is the menu meaning you do do it all don't give me this shit i only do this and that right if i want this this is what you're doing

if you're not participating in this section of the menu, then you're fucking full of shit.

Get out of here.

So you do give head.

Period.

Got it.

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Is he, but I would like to know, does he explicitly tell you the menu before you sign up?

No.

No, he kind of lets you know as you're going along.

No, he's just saying like, hey.

If this is like, I want head, if you're, if your point of view is, that's not really something I'm into, he's like, get the fuck out of here.

That's not, that's not an option to say that.

Wow.

See, but you know, the bitch are gonna give you head before you even get there.

So, like, this is what I'm saying.

Homie fell off.

Homie fell off.

I feel like he's got some broke, nasty bitch in the back in his fucking bedroom right now.

And then he just like literally went and recorded a video with her sleeping in the bed.

Like, I fucking, she won't suck my dick, man.

Like, what the fuck?

She's over there, like, man, this nigga's crying again.

Fucking

homie lost his ways, man.

I love Enny's assessed.

I know, I do love his accessories, too.

I feel like you, yeah, I think this.

The shades are an interesting choice for these guys.

Yeah, he's doing some matrix shit here.

I like seeing the ring light in them.

Yeah.

He doesn't really.

He's got to be lit, dude.

Yeah, he's well lit.

At least he's the first cool guy we've had that's well lit.

Yeah.

I don't think we've ever.

He prioritizes video quality and audio.

And his looks.

And he looks good shirtless.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank God.

He's not a mess.

He's not a mess.

There's no fan.

No.

But this is a new lane of cool guy.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah.

It is pretty cool.

Okay, now will you please?

What do you want?

The clip.

Oh, the clip that you've been talking about.

Okay, here we go.

Come on.

Hold on.

I bought this sock from a baseball player.

He wore it a full month.

It's pretty filthy, as you can see.

This is usually where I tap out.

Oh,

oh, it's so hard to watch.

The breathing is menacing

So hard.

It's so hard to get through, isn't it?

It's so hard to watch this.

This is just on TikTok?

Listen, full disclosure, this was sent to me by a mom friend.

I don't want to say who.

I don't know if she's okay with me sharing.

Oh, okay.

I'm not sure.

I understand.

The source?

Yeah.

But it's a banger, am I right?

It's pretty cool.

Well, what are you feeling right now?

Like, I want to talk to you.

Well, it'd be a lot easier to watch if it was a female's, you know?

Yeah.

What?

Because it's gay kind of bothers you no well i get i don't know if it's gay things bother me it's just that i go like uh like i always think of like um like anytime i see a man's foot period like even in flip-flops i'm just always like ugh like i just have kind of disdain for men's feet but i understand that like

he's gay so there wouldn't be the same level of disdain but i just i can't

I can't dismiss my own disdain for a man's

understood.

Also, yes, and a man's level of filth over the course of one month playing baseball is

look at those pills.

It's crusty, it is brown, there's dust.

So, when he breathes and he coughs, it's because the dust

maybe some blood is in there too.

Yeah, fungus, toe jam, so much sweat, athletes,

foot,

and this guy couldn't be harder.

Oh, this guy's in heaven.

That part I under, I understand

the like how

like sweet this is to him yeah like i get it on that level sure it's the source of it for me that i'm like

that's a lot like if this was a guy who was like oh i got this from a female volleyball player even then i'd be like it's different different different hey josh can you look up like what's the going rate for a one-month-old baseball player sock it's very specific he hit up somebody yeah a fetish like this is very specific i don't think there's a going rate i think this guy just hit somebody up and was like, hey, man, what would it take?

And that guy was probably like, give me a grand or something, you know.

For a month's worth of work.

But also put it in terms of like, the guy had to wear those socks every day for a month.

Which is also upsetting as the player.

For you.

Yeah.

Because now your foot's going to be covered in filth.

Yeah, you never, like, every time you put it on, you're like, the sock needs to be.

Yeah.

And like, everybody's noticing.

Help!

Pricing a sock sale.

Okay.

He wants me to wear socks and shoes 10 days in a row.

Says he likes them very dirty.

How much would you charge?

I sell usually $10 per day.

That's it.

I might be underselling.

I'm new in the foot market, but 10 days seems like it should be really expensive.

I just can't come up with a number that's fair to me.

So this is somebody asking

200 sounds reasonable.

No, for 10 days,

more,

more.

Okay, hold on.

I think you need to take into consideration what brand you are wearing and what else is being provided with the sale.

One of of my friends does the socks fetish and her starting price for 24 hours a wear is $45.

There we go.

If you wear them, if you want them more and longer, then it's $10 a day.

If she provides pictures or a clip, that's also extra.

I think when it comes to used items, Reddit can gives you a false idea what you can sell.

I do the sneaker fetish, and I wear it once I wear them,

I wince every time I see someone try and sell their sneakers for $50.

Oh yeah, that's not enough.

Well, it looks like there's a big debate going on on what the price should be, but I I understand that.

How do you price it?

That's a big deal.

It is a big deal.

It is a big deal.

And one month of wear on a baseball player?

I hope that...

Wait, did he say how much he paid for this?

No, he didn't.

I don't think he didn't.

I mean, I would go $1,000,

like you said, at least.

That's a long game for the wearer.

Yeah.

Every day to wear that crusty net.

It's uncomfortable for you as the wearer.

That's what I'm saying.

It's like...

That's really what you're paying for.

You're like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, funk.

Yeah.

No, I'm saying you're being compensated for your own discomfort at that point.

Yeah.

Right.

The amount of time it took to bake that thing.

Well, this was really cool.

I appreciate it.

I've been just like.

And your friends have been sharing this.

So, so this was sent to me by a friend, and then I forwarded it to my group of really sick women friends that I've had since we were, you know, 13, 14, like my core group.

And like I said, half of them tapped out.

Shauna was like, nope, nope, not even going to fucking watch this.

Sarah, who's down, is like,

she's like, I'm hurt.

It was hard for her.

That being said, please keep sending these.

She still appreciates.

She's hardcore.

She's very hardcore.

She really gets it.

She's the originator of this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's really cool, man.

Oh, here's another one.

Oh.

History of the sock fetish.

The history of olfactophilia has been present for a considerable amount of time in years.

The used sock fetish has been derived as a subset of this.

In 94, a study was conducted which found that 45% of people with a foot fetish are interested in smelly socks.

This shows that there is a common interest between olofactophilia and foot fetishism.

Can you make money?

Yes.

How much?

As mentioned above, socks can sell up for $60 and more.

Obviously depends on a few factors such as activities performed in them, duration, and wear of also material.

There's a bunch of...

It's great.

I mean, what a country.

What a world.

It is an incredible country.

There's no reason to be poor.

No reason to be broke.

You got it.

You got to do everything.

Sniffer.

That's perfect.

That's the site.

Wow.

It's a trusted marketplace, safe and anonymous.

This is awesome.

Over 1.5 million users and growing.

Men.

Well, I think

men.

Gentlemen, if you wouldn't mind setting up an account and

maybe getting some stuff for us to explore what's going on in this space

and have everything approved by me first.

Send me

what you're thinking of, and then I'll

tell you whether or not to bid on it.

All right, let's undo that today, Jolo.

Let's transition to another.

She called him Cholo.

Cholo.

Yes.

What is up with you?

You're going to have a stroke.

Why am I going to have a stroke?

You keep mispronouncing words.

I was just so sexually aroused, I kind of just stuttered.

Speaking of getting my dick hard,

what's happening

show you those those neck veins look at that

the traps and i don't like this at all so good i hate it i don't like this all right well we have different people that like different things here

it makes me hurt i don't like it those veins are awesome man

I don't like seeing people's veins.

She's so vascular.

You don't like that at all?

Nope.

Well, it's a whole lane.

I don't like it.

I don't like seeing people's veins.

Doesn't that mean you're dehydrated?

Muscle mama.

She's 180 pounds bodybuilding adult model.

Yeah.

Neck vein lover.

Isn't that crazy?

That's a whole other lane.

Yeah.

Guys are really cool.

Guys are cool.

Guys like everything and anything.

There's someone out there for you.

Yeah.

Ugh, I'm going to puke.

Okay, thank you.

To think that that's really, I never even thought of that.

Yeah.

So people go, oh, neck veins are my, like,

this is just showing that neck vein.

It's very specific.

I feel sick at that point.

And that's making some guy JSD right now.

I get the sweat socks more than the veins.

So do I, but I'm just saying that this is obviously popular.

I like seeing that neck vein, baby.

Yeah, it's so weird what people sexualize.

Hey, did you hear Katy Perry went into outer space today?

Yeah.

I was like, I hope they fucking leave her there.

I don't like her music.

She's so annoying.

Really?

Yeah.

You don't think she's the most annoying?

No.

I was like, bitch, stay in space.

That's really?

Yeah.

I didn't feel like that.

Yeah, she's super annoying.

How is she annoying?

I don't know.

I've seen her host that show where they rate singers and stuff.

She's just like obnoxious, like

too much.

You know what I mean?

She can't not be the center of attention all the time.

Gail King.

Gail can come back down.

I like Gail.

Katie can stay in space.

What about Lauren?

Who's Lauren?

Jeff Bezos' sweetheart.

I guess.

I don't want him to suffer.

He's already been divorced and he's in such good shape.

That's a factor.

Yeah, he worked hard.

There they are.

Yeah.

Those are the broads in space right now.

And you know what's so funny, too?

It's like they made such a big deal that it's women.

And they all had to ring a bell before they got on.

And I like that they called it space crew.

Yeah, as opposed to passengers.

They're just passengers.

Yeah, what are you doing?

You're sitting there in

a tight bodysuit, and that's the accomplishment.

Yeah, you're just a passenger.

Yeah, it's not.

And you didn't build the spaceship.

You're not an engineer.

No, of course not.

You didn't do anything.

You're just going to sit and go for a ride.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's hilarious.

You know, I honestly think every time we point out people's

women, I'm a woman.

It makes it worse.

Sanchez?

Yeah.

She's wearing

high heels.

And she had her zipper open for most of the promos for this.

She's so hot just looking hot.

She's an astronaut.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's so, it's so brutal.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

None of these, if these women were like scientists or physicists or something, they're just like the hot women in space.

Is that what we're?

That's all they are, man.

Gail King is probably the only one.

I don't know.

I'm not familiar with everyone else, but.

She actually does stuff.

Like, she's got a brain in her fucking house.

I really like that this is a diverse group of women.

Me too.

Because Lauren is Latin.

Yeah.

Katie's white.

I see an Asian lady, two black ladies.

It really, I'm just like, me too.

But you know what, Tom?

Thank God.

A little ableist.

I don't see anybody.

I know.

How come no one's in a chair

signing or anything?

And I'll bet you something else.

I'll bet you that spacecraft isn't even equipped for wheelchairs.

That's so fucking, yeah.

Huh?

What about NeuroDivergent?

I don't see anybody with autism.

Nope.

It's really fucked up.

It's fucked up.

It is fucked up, man.

Women.

Women supporting women.

Women supporting women.

All right.

Should we take a quick break?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Take a quick break, and we'll be right back.

Sell your socks.

Sell your socks.

You can catch our next guest on the Growth Spurt Tur right now, or you can see his most recent special, Starfish, available on YouTube.

Go to Brad WilliamsComedy.com for tickets.

It's Brad Williams already.

Yeah, I made it.

I landed on a plane like 10 minutes ago, and now I'm here.

Hell yeah.

Let's go.

I'm not tired.

Thanks for coming in.

Of course.

Congratulations.

How many specials is that now for you?

It feels like.

Oh, geez.

This would be one, two, three, four.

This is the fourth one.

Fourth special.

Yeah.

And then

if you watch Starfish and then you go see a ticket for me on tour this year, it's going to be different materials.

It's not going to be the same stuff.

I've always asked that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm always shocked because we're in it.

We do comedy all the time.

And I'm shocked with how great fans are, but then at the same time, how little they still know.

Yeah, I know, right?

Like,

I remember one guy told me recently, like, he was asking me about hecklers, and I was like, yeah, sure.

You know, it's a thing.

And then they go, well, you know, it's part of your job.

I'm like,

it is, but it should not be.

Yeah.

Like, it's not a part of the job I look forward to.

It's like, all right, I love to have all this material I've worked on be interrupted.

Yeah, just

the best part.

No, I mean, and then there's the person who's like, I was just trying to help you out.

That's the worst.

Nope.

So I've been doing this for 20 years, but I needed it.

I'm selling out the theater, but I needed the help.

I didn't have a thought.

It made it more interesting when I yelled.

By the way, if you haven't seen Brad Williams live, I mean, it is so much fun.

You're so funny.

And I remember, do you remember we did this casino gig together a million years ago?

Like Book by the Laugh Factory.

Which one?

Because I did one with you and I did one with Tom.

Dude, my story is amazing.

Well, you tell Eric.

I just know that Brad devastated and nobody could follow him.

Amazing.

I went out to do this gig at a casino.

Yeah.

It was a pretty big one somewhere in, like, I don't, uh, like Central California.

Central California.

I want to say Oroville, but that's big.

It's one of those.

It was a big room.

Yeah.

And I drove out there with Jay Larson.

Yes.

So it was the three of us.

And we get out there.

And the

contact at this venue was like, Who are you guys?

And we were like, Oh, we're two of the comics.

He's like, This is Brad's show.

Good, I told her to say that.

We were like, What a dick.

We were like, What do you wait?

What do you mean?

I think it's the three of us were booked.

And he was like, Well, I mean, you guys are not really like who people are here to see.

We were like, Okay.

And then he was like, So, all right, let's figure out how we're going to do this.

All right, he goes, like, Brad's obviously last.

So,

uh,

he was like, Which one of you guys will go?

We were like, I don't know.

And he was like, Brad, how do you want it to go?

We were like, Hey, man, like, we are comedians.

Yes.

And he was like, Yeah, but I mean, you wait till you see what he does.

You're not going to compare to that.

And he was straight up like, You guys ain't shit.

And yes.

My, how times have changed.

Oh, nah.

He was.

We were like, all right, man.

So then he gave us like our assignments.

He was like, you do 10, you do 15.

Is that cool with you, Brad?

And then Brad was like, yeah.

I'm sitting there like, yes.

We were like, okay,

friends.

But it's like, it's always weird when people that don't know about comedy are just like, all right, I'll put together a show.

I had a great one like that in Vegas, too, which guy was like, do you even.

Do you even know who this other guy, like this other comic?

And I was like, no.

He was like, yeah,

he is a headliner.

I was like, bro, I got fucking booked to close this show.

He's like, there's no way you can follow that guy.

I was like,

so was this the booker, the security guard?

Who is this?

This guy just would like sit in his suit at this Vegas.

By the way, he ended up like allowing us to trade me and this other guy.

And it was, everything was fine.

I was like, yeah, out of your mind.

It's great.

But at Brad's show,

he was right.

Yeah, of course.

Me and Jay did fine.

We were like, it was fine.

And then Brad went up there and just fucking said an Idaho.

And then that guy was like, you see why?

Nobody can follow Brad Williams.

It's like, thank you.

It is horrible.

That is a very nice compliment.

And it was,

I got sent the clip.

It's on Rogan.

It's of, I think it's Ari, Mark Norman, and I think Shane, too.

And they're talking about who you can't follow.

And Ari came right in and said, Brad.

Oh, yeah.

And it's just the nicest thing to hear that from fellow killers like yourselves and people like that.

That it's really cool.

But it also,

now it's like, this is obviously a very insanely popular podcast.

Now I'm like, oh, great.

Now people are going to sit back and be like, all right.

No.

No.

What you got?

I think they actually are going to go like, I'd love to see someone just fucking destroy.

It's fun.

I'm enjoying this time in my career where now

I've moved on to theaters and now it's like the audiences, they're there for me.

They're not there on the Friday night.

Like, all right, who's the guy?

Who is this?

Yeah.

It's like, no, they're there.

They're familiar.

I can reference old jokes and they get it.

They cheer.

I talk about, you know, small urinals are getting thrown into a helicopter in Afghanistan and people are like, we know what he's talking about.

And it's awesome.

It really is.

And

I feel really fortunate because I never thought I'd get here.

I thought I'd get like, you know, I'd tour some comedy clubs and that'd be good.

Maybe Maybe sell some tickets on the Saturday early show.

You can't make plans for this.

No.

There's no way you could plan.

Like.

Because there's so many really talented people in this business.

But there's just so many variables, too.

It's like, how can you

plan for it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, thank God for COVID, right?

Because people started, you know, passing around the clips.

And

I know it's been said a million times.

Thank God for COVID.

Thank God for COVID.

But also, you know, it's a good idea.

Thank God for the jab, too.

The jab.

Did you get jabbed?

I did.

Fuck yeah, dude.

Yeah, I got jabbed and then

I wanted to do this thing.

I tried to set this up and because of the time that we were in, I couldn't get people to film it.

I wanted to do this thing to where

I get jabbed and then I get out and then I start looking at my clothes like, what happened?

Yeah.

Like, and then film it like to get.

people's reaction.

I'm like, oh, I was six foot four like two minutes ago.

Like, what happened?

Side effects.

What the shit?

Fuck, man.

Yeah.

So many bad things can happen.

But that's what I was going to say: is like the thing that makes you so unique and so funny is that you embrace being an LP.

Yeah.

Little person.

Is that what we, is that what?

Let's talk about.

And the political correctness and the fear and the weirdness around it.

That is the crazy political correct term.

So good job.

LP.

Exactly.

That's what you told me to call you like 15 years ago.

I was like, what do I call you?

Yeah.

Because it's like, people ask that a lot.

And I've got jokes about this.

Mulaney has got a great joke about it.

Artie Lang's got a great joke about it.

But it's like the bad one is midget.

You're not supposed to say that.

But I don't like the people that try to say, like, that's our N-word.

It's like, why do we need one?

And then why are we trying to compare?

Like, ah, our slur is worse than your slur.

Nah.

I had a good bit about that many years ago.

And

the thing is, I progressed from, I used to call you guys little N-words.

So

for me, it was like a great thing.

Oh, I think it was a tell.

And if it's not a tell.

Oh, he, yes, it was a tell.

Yes, it was a tell.

Floor N-words.

Yeah.

Yes.

That is such a guy.

Yeah.

And that's just like, I can't beat that.

I can never beat that.

I saw him do that live

in 2011.

I still remember.

Yeah.

At the Las Vegas.

They were doing a comedy festival.

Okay.

And that's where he dropped that.

And I was like.

I was like, that is unbelievable.

He's the damn best.

He's the best, dude.

Yeah.

He's the best.

Well, it's like, because I've done the thing where I go on stage and

sometimes I like to challenge myself to be like,

let's not do some dwarf jokes.

Let's just go in there and talk about whatever.

And I'm staring at the audience and they're just looking at me like, does he know?

Like, does he?

Say the thing.

And it's like, all right,

I'll say the thing.

Now, when you see my show, it's not an hour of, I can take a bath in a thimble.

That's weird.

Like,

it's not that.

We move on to different topics.

But yeah, I have to talk about it.

Yeah, address it at some point.

Yeah.

And also, why wouldn't I?

Well, it's very

difficult.

I'll tell you what's super upsetting to me is meeting a guy that's like,

I don't know, over 6'5

that doesn't have a conversation.

Like, dude, I want to know what it's like.

What is it like?

I want to talk about it.

If you're 6'10, we are fucking talking about your height.

Yeah.

I don't care how exhausted you are of it.

I'm going to bring it up.

Yeah.

Because if I'm not the whole time, I'm like, please bring it up.

Please bring it up.

Of course.

And it's funny you mentioned that.

I did a podcast with the wrestler, The Big Show.

He's a big fuck.

Yeah, he's over seven feet.

Yeah.

And we just talked about it.

It was Chris Jericho's podcast.

And we just talk about comparisons in terms of the life.

And there's actually, like, for the size differences, there's just, there's a lot of similarities.

Yeah.

In terms of, like, obviously, like, flying is difficult for completely different reasons.

Yeah.

But just growing up and not fitting in and finding out where you do where you do.

The world is not designed for either of you.

So both of you are adapting

in different extremes for a world that goes, no, no.

We made it for everybody else.

Yeah, we're doing all this.

Like, cars, can I rent a car?

No.

What does happen with renting a car?

I have to.

I have an opening act.

His great comic.

His name is J.B.

Ball.

He drives it.

If you had a necessity, do you bring some type of adapter for it?

Is there something you can bring?

There is.

There's pedals that you could...

I'm not mechanical.

I'm not handy, but there's pedals you can install yourself if you want to.

I'm sure if I made a big stink about it, I'm sure some ADA lawyer is listening, going like, oh, Brad, call me.

Like, let's do this.

Because at home, you have a car.

Yeah.

I have a car.

That's modified.

Why does that sit the kids out when I drop my daughter off at school?

Yeah.

I get out of the car and they're just like looking at them.

How'd he get a car?

Is it a modified car then?

Yeah.

It's got pedal extenders.

So that's like a pedal that's on top of the pedal.

Thankfully, I sit just as tall as everybody else.

So I have a normal-sized torso.

Yeah, look at that.

LPA adaptive products.

Oh, yeah.

So, yeah, there's pedal extensions.

Sometimes you do the hand controls.

He is a seatbelt extension when he flies.

So, that's kind of the same thing, right?

The exact same thing.

He's got to bring it in wherever he goes.

So, wait, you said it's difficult to fly.

Why is it difficult to fly?

Oh, just because the legs fall asleep.

Why is that?

They dangle.

Oh,

they sell, though, and I bought one.

They sell these like foot hammocks, and you like hang them from the tray.

Oh, so that your foot stay.

Yeah.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah.

And I got one.

I used it for a bit.

It was, it was great.

But then, I don't know, I felt so weird putting my little foot hammock down.

I know.

People looking at me.

There you go.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So you just, you, you, you put the foot hammock down and then.

You know what I just realized now?

What's that?

Because I...

I realized I was in the situation that you have to find yourself in all the time, which is I was at a NBA game and I was on the floor talking to people.

Yeah.

And two guys that were both like six, nine,

were having

conversation above me.

Yes.

And I was like, this is so insane.

Yes.

That I was like, hello.

And they were like, they were here being like, yeah, man.

And they just talked to each other up here.

And I was like, so you have to experience that.

Oh, it's like, yo, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Crowded bars.

Oh,

they're impossible.

That's it.

Like, I just sit down and everyone's crotch height and I'm just sitting there like, all right.

So, like, what I'll try to do is I'll try to get a bar stool, get on it.

I'm like, this is my spot.

Yeah.

I don't move.

Everyone has to come to me.

Yeah.

But, like, yeah, there's definitely full-on conversations.

I've had people like reach over my head to like hand something to someone.

And you're just, you never feel less of a person than when someone's just like, oh, there's a human down there.

When I asked, I did Shaq's podcast.

Yeah.

And I was like, so, like, what's something that is so lame to you?

Yeah.

Because of it.

He's like, water bottles.

They're so small.

I love them.

Liquid Death.

This is a freaking.

This was like a plastic one, though.

And

his hand went completely.

And he just went like, like, it was a juice box.

And he was like, they make him so focused more.

I have one photo with Shaq, and I love it.

Me and Adam Ray got to play in the celebrity all-star game.

Yeah.

Look at that.

Look at that.

And like, we got to meet Shaz.

We got to take a photo with him.

Yeah.

It's insane.

It's insane.

It's just like, thank God he's rich because he can afford stuff to fit him.

Dude, I brought this up on a podcast once.

Yeah.

Thinking, I'm making like just like a general observation about imagine being this big

and not having the athleticism and not realizing that it would resonate.

with some people who were like, yeah, man, this is, that's my life.

Like people

wrote in, they were like, yeah, I'm 6'10.

And I'm not athletic.

And I'm not athletic.

So I live in a world.

And I have to, and I get reminded of that because I'm sure when people see them, they go, so you play like, you play ball?

Or did you used to play ball?

Did you play volleyball?

They're like, nope.

Nope.

And I, and I live in a normal-sized place because I can't afford an 18,000 square foot custom home.

Right.

Yeah.

I, I have to have a large truck.

because that's what that's the only thing that can fit me yeah now you

well i think people have become slightly more aware because of like little people big world and shows like yeah yeah there's a bunch of stuff out there now we have we have more representation which is great although uh i did have to leave a party uh literally yesterday because uh i walked in and it was great for a while i brought the family with me and then uh there was this six-year-old girl who just ran up to me like pointed at me at the party and just like starts busting up laughing oh like just point and i'm just like i'm sitting there and my kid's kid's there.

And thankfully she's not doing my kid.

If she did it to my kid, I would have put a foot through her fucking face.

But like,

yeah, for sure.

But like, I had to leave because I go, I can't call this six-year-old girl a twat in front of this whole party.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't do it.

And if I stay, like, cause I, I have these things that I do when I talk to kids to make them kind of understand.

And it's not harsh.

It's very just like, hey, you know, that woman's got brown hair.

That one's got blonde hair.

So people have different colored hair,

different sizes.

People are different.

Isn't Isn't that great?

And 99% of the time, the kids are like, oh, okay, cool.

Yeah.

Because they just want an explanation.

Yeah.

And then you get the one blonde

girl from yesterday who's just like, couldn't care less.

I'm just pointing and laughing.

And I'm just like, I can't.

So I had to leave because I don't know where her parents were.

I left and then someone informed her parents.

And then the parents were horrified.

Of course.

And then they ended up paying for our meal.

So

that was very nice.

Shout out to them.

We also live in a small town, so

I'll probably find out who it was very quickly.

Well, just in terms of show business, too.

I mean, how do you feel about the whole Snow White thing and not hiring LPs to do the job?

Wait, so who.

Yeah, let's go.

Let's go.

Wait, wait, can I ask this?

Yeah.

You're saying LPs weren't cast.

Was somebody else cast for this?

It's even worse.

It's more egregious.

CGI.

Oh, they CGI'd it.

Yeah, they CGI'd dwarves.

Yeah.

There we are.

Aren't those good-looking little people?

And what was the reason for that?

The reason for it.

Now,

there's some misconception or some debate about what the actual reason is, but I believe, and I could be wrong, but I believe the reason is

literally Peter Dinklage was on the Mark Maron podcast.

The Allah of Your World.

Yes.

He is a very good actor.

He's really good.

And I'm not a fan of him for this, but he pretty much said, because Marin brought up they're doing a live-action Snow White.

Yeah.

And Dinklish kind of went like, oh, I hope they're not doing the dwarf thing again.

Like, we have to deal with that.

And I'm sitting here going like, well, some of us would like to deal with that.

Yeah.

Dink?

Some of us would like to have that opportunity to deal with that because there's not that many roles.

Like, he's been amazingly successful.

And

I love that he takes roles that aren't written for dwarves.

And they never address it in the room.

And they never address it.

When he hosted SNL, they never made one dwarf joke.

Really?

And I found out from some friends that were cast members that that was one of the rules.

He came in and said, no dwarf jokes.

So

I'm saying, Lauren, if you're listening, I can host, you'll make all the dwarf jokes you want.

Yeah.

Let fly.

Let's go.

But I feel like that

era.

is over.

Like, I don't think anyone would do that now.

Yeah.

Even if you went on with that, they would be like, yeah, we don't really want to.

We don't want to deal with that.

I'd be like, but it would be funny.

But also, don't you think, too, like, not hiring actual dwarves, it just makes it makes you guys more outsiders.

Like, instead of seeing you as people,

whole round people, and they chose to CGI.

I completely agree.

That's more offensive to me than hiring actual people.

Yes.

It would have been cool for the actors to get work.

So cool.

That would have been great.

And if you want to, you know, make it a little more woke, okay.

Great.

Make different gendered dwarves, make dwarves of different races.

Fine, give people more opportunities.

I'm all for that.

But I'm not for just being like, nah, let's, because there's not that many roles.

And if you look throughout the history of Hollywood, the game is usually the same.

The game is whatever race you are, whatever minority you are, you start getting roles by taking the stereotypical roles.

And then you slowly assimilate yourself.

Because Peter probably started with dwarf roles.

I'm sure.

I mean, he's in Elf saying, call me Elf one more fucking time.

And he does the dropkick.

And he's in the most offensive movie ever made about dwarves,

which you know about.

Oh,

Twinkle.

Tiptoes.

Tiptoe.

Tiptoes.

We've covered Tiptoes.

He is in this movie.

And he has an accent that starts off French, goes to Hungarian.

I'm not quite sure what the accent is.

But he's in this fucking movie.

So the fact that you were in the most offensive, by the way, I'm sure your listeners are tired of you talking about this movie.

I could do a whole-

I could do a class on this.

I think we talked about it a while.

So, the movie Tiptoes, it's streaming right now on Amazon Prime, and it's the most offensive movie to dwarf.

Unbelievable.

Because Gary Oldman plays a dwarf.

Now, when you say, woo, how'd they get Gary Oldman to play a dwarf?

Did they use some advanced CGI like Lord of the Rings?

Nope.

On his knees, and they tied his arms back.

Yeah, so they put shoes on his knees.

Yep.

Gary Oldman.

In the role of a lifetime.

I was about to tell you.

The preview looks like an SNL sketch.

Did you find the trailer?

Yeah, I played it for McConaughey when he was here.

Yeah.

I played the trailer.

He said he had never seen it.

Shut up.

It's the best.

So that's Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale.

Gotta get going.

Hello, Job Joke.

Good.

Hey, baby.

I love you.

There's one small problem.

Get it?

I'm Ralph.

I'm your brother.

We're twins.

Are your parents?

Um,

it can tear them apart.

I think you gotta let me know that everyone in your family is a midget.

They're not midgets, Carolin dwarves.

Whatever.

Or bring them together.

Hey, welcome.

I'm Stephen.

There you are.

This is Stephen's father, Bruno, and his round catheter.

And they're like, what?

What the fuck?

They're like space aliens.

You could have prepared us for this, don't you think?

If you embarrass me, I'll never speak to you again, so just get it together.

I'm there, fine, great.

I think maybe I'm pregnant.

When the going gets rough, it's only the size of your heart that counts.

You not touched this great girl, and you didn't tell her that her baby's probably gotta be little.

I'm not like you.

We are so cute and cunning.

Don't dinkled.

Bridget the midget.

Yeah, Bridget the Midgets in there, too.

Did she change her name?

You better back off, Goldie Hong.

My man can do what he wants to do.

I'm ready for an adult relationship.

What is this man doing in Urbadu?

This is absolute chaos.

Yes.

The greatest fight scene since Robert De Niro beat up that one guy as a 78-year-old.

Anyway, we get the point.

But yeah, that's

terrific.

And if you keep going, the joke you made earlier is they go through the cast and then they go, and in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman

plays a dwarf.

Which, by the way, they put so many little people in the movie that it makes Gary Ollman's performance look worse because it's like, oh, well, that's what an actual dwarf looks like.

Yeah.

Oh, here's when I showed it to McConnell.

See it.

And he was like,

he's like, I've never seen this.

One of the craziest things that I have ever seen.

I'm Ralph.

I'm his brother.

We're twins.

I think you're going to let me know that everyone in your family is a midget.

And then my midgets kind of dwarf.

I've shown that to so many people, and they're like, when the fuck did SMO do this?

I'm like, no, this is real, dude.

Like, what the fuck is happening?

Like, this trailer's so good.

I've never seen the trailer before.

How does he not see the trailer?

It's Snobby McConnelly.

And don't get me wrong.

Patricia Arkham.

I think that's really serious.

Roll of a lifetime.

Tiptoe.

Come on.

What the fuck?

That's real.

The fucking balls of the Vio-Guy to call that.

role of a lifetime.

You shot that movie?

Yes.

I did not shoot that movie.

God, I love Bert.

You shot that movie?

What do you think we just watched?

Holy shit.

Yeah, so like that's what's out there.

And Dinklage took a role in that because that's what you do.

Right.

You take roles.

You have to earn the ability to be like, yeah, I don't do those roles.

Yes.

Like the same way with stand-up.

We've now earned the right to, like, when someone says, hey, do you want to do a bar show?

I could get you free chicken wings.

We go, nah, I'm good.

So, yeah, you have to earn that.

So, I would have loved to have played a dwarf in the Snow White film.

Although, now that I've seen what happened, I'm like, eh, maybe I dodged a bullet there.

How do you feel about LP porn?

Oh, yeah, good.

Yeah.

Do you watch a lot of it?

No.

Do you ever look at it?

No.

Because if I want to see a dwarf porn, I fuck my wife next to a mirror and look left.

That's what I do.

About

when you were

a growing, developing young man.

Nah.

Never.

That wasn't your thing.

I didn't watch the dwarf porn, but

when I was a single guy, I'm really glad it was some people's thing.

Yeah.

That helped me out a lot.

Did it?

Yeah.

You guys were talking about fetishes before I got on here.

Thank God some people have a dwarf fetish.

Oh, yeah.

That got me through my 20s.

Did it really?

So there was a lot of ladies who were like, I want to try this.

Yeah.

And when a...

When someone has a fetish and they see an opportunity to engage engage in the fetish, like if the fetish is rare, they are very determined.

So

when a woman would come, like, because we would, like, if a woman came up to you after the show, there's like a, hey, maybe will they, won't they, whatever.

But

women would come up to me after shows and be like, this is happening.

Seriously.

Like, this is, this is happening tonight.

And I'd be like, okay.

That's amazing.

They're like, I always wanted to do that.

Yeah.

Are you finding a lot of repeat people or was it just like, this is like a dream I've always wanted to try?

I had a little bit of

good luck Chuck syndrome for a while.

So that references a wonderful Dane Cook movie where

Dane's character, when he hooks up with a woman, the next guy

the woman hooks up with, she marries.

That was me for a while.

Like I've got over 15 women that like after me,

they got married.

So I was like their last wild fling to be like, I did something crazy.

May I ask you not to say that you beckoned it or welcomed it?

A lot of dudes come onto you too, like homo fetish.

Yeah, like I feel like that's a male thing more than a female.

Yeah, they like the small hands.

Is that right?

That's what they would say.

We were at a gay bar last week, and I can say that they had a fetish for your husband as well.

Oh, I know it.

Don't I know it?

Don't wait.

I mean,

you are a bear.

One guy was like, Oh, yeah, you're definitely a bottom.

I was like, Excuse me.

I like that you get insulted by it.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yeah, Don't get me wrong.

He goes, you're so innocent.

I go, I don't think you know what you're saying.

Has he listened to the podcast?

I was like, sneak.

He's like, uh, you're innocent.

He was pretty drunk.

Yeah.

I was like, okay, buddy.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm firmly,

I get it.

I would be a bottom.

I totally understand that.

That in my ass.

My ass is spectacular.

Yeah.

It's,

it's not an ass.

It's a shitter.

Like,

it's a good ass.

I've noticed.

Yeah.

We all have.

I mean, come on.

So I would probably be a bottom if I I were gay.

But and I'm sorry I'm not gay because man, I'd be cleaning up.

Oh, yeah.

Me too.

Sometimes you just think about it.

You're like, I like, yeah, I got the genetic win being a dwarf.

But it was honestly gay.

It was very flattering.

Teb men, gay men, colonium.

Just the comp, like you were like, oh, these are like, because you don't hear, women don't shower you with compliments.

Right.

So, like, I mean, I've been out and you, you know, you, whatever, you might sense that like somebody looks at you and they go, oh, that person is giving me a look.

But these guys were straight up like, Yes, I'll do a look.

Can I tell you a thought I had actually today?

I don't have many, but this one thought, you know,

men in general, you guys don't get treated nicely.

Like, you never like, for instance, yeah, it's really fucked up.

That's right.

Give it up for the men, everybody.

I'm being serious.

So we took, we have a boat.

We went on Lake Austin, and Tommy's driving the boat, being the nice captain, for like hours.

And it's hot, and everyone else is having fun.

Tom didn't have fun.

And then we went out for his birthday.

I didn't realize it was your birthday dinner.

Otherwise I would have bought, brought cash, credit card.

I didn't have anything.

And then he had to pay for his own birthday.

And I was like, it's fine.

No, but it makes me sad because like I would be sad.

And then I just thought like nobody admires and loves men.

Nobody tells you guys how adorable they are.

You can get those socks, baby.

You can't have them on them.

They're not very stinky, though.

I don't want them.

But nobody tells you guys like you're cute and pretty and stuff.

It is nice.

Thankfully, I have a wife who does that a lot, and it feels really great.

It feels really good.

And sometimes you just got to hear, hey, good job.

Sometimes when you come home with a check, especially for the job that we do that we never thought that we'd get to where we are,

we want to come home with a check and be like, hey, look at this.

And they go, wow.

Look at that.

It's awesome.

That's pretty great.

That's all we need.

Occasional blowjob.

But yeah, overall, just a, yeah, pretty great.

You want to hear, great job.

Here's a blowjob.

Yeah.

It's on the menu, bitch.

The menu is the menu.

Stupid.

Now, now I regret saying that.

I feel like a doofus.

We cut that out.

No, no.

No.

No, I just noticed.

It's a relatable thing.

You always work and there's no glory, you know?

Well, no.

You don't get the love.

Like, the kids like me so much more than they want to do.

And, like, do you know what I mean?

I can choose

much better.

Yeah, my daughter

loves my wife.

I also, I feel like, yeah, as men, you kind of go like, yeah, of course, your mother is like,

I like it, you know, I like when they obviously give me affection too, but I think you, you feel like, oh, it's, it's really good and healthy that your kid goes, mom is everything.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

And don't get me wrong.

But I love, I love the compliments.

Yeah.

I do.

Yeah.

And people are just nicer to me.

Like, because I'm a lady overall.

I do admit that things are, and like, I'm like a blonde white lady.

Yeah.

It's really great.

It's nice life.

Like, I

really, people are happy to see me.

I walk into a grocery store.

It's nothing but smiles.

It's pretty great.

Can I tell the story about the last time we hung out?

Of course you can.

What the heck you want?

Last time we hung out, I was here in Austin and

saw that you were going to be at the mothership.

So I go, yeah,

let's go see Christina at the mothership.

So we go and

there's a little extra security there and making sure.

who I am and checking an ID and everything like that.

I'm like, what's going on here?

And I get to the green room and there's a guy sitting outside the green room.

He goes, who are you?

I'm like, Brad Williams.

I go, who are you here to see?

I go, Christina P.

He goes, hold on.

Goes into the room.

Comes back out.

All right.

You're good.

All right.

Okay.

Christina's really doing well.

Okay.

This is great.

And then I walk into the green room, and there is Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

Oh, wow.

And they were in the green room back there.

That's pretty crazy.

That was such a cool night.

That was

insane.

That was insane.

And I don't think I've, have I even talked about it on the show?

I kind of talked about it in my act.

I did a while ago.

Yeah.

Well, they weren't there.

They were there.

Not to hang out with me.

Yeah, yeah.

No, no, no.

They were hanging out with.

I don't even want to say who else is, but it's fun.

Delightful.

Delightful hang.

Really a good hang.

They're really nice people.

No matter what you think about the politics, Ivanka is stunning.

And

every answer is a beauty queen answer where it's like you've been you've been trained oh my god this is well this is unreal brad you know what i realized talking to ivanka is

what is it ivanka it's

ivana nah ivana was the mom i thought ivanka was the mom and ivana's the girl it's ivanka is the daughter no i'm crazy ivanka is the who's

ivanka yeah ivanka okay ivanka she's a chick okay yeah but anyway and talking to her and listening to her like it really made me realize what a low-class donkey

and how how

bottom barrel my upbringing was like she went to the best schools you know it like what you're saying the poise yeah and her elegance been trained she's been trained media training

like all that she's perfect she's gorgeous i mean her birth name is ivana the ivanka is the nickname it says there ivana marie ivanka oh so so so we're both right okay maybe it's like in hungarian kristinko or adam you know what i'm saying is that her nickname but yeah that that was one of those lovely.

That was a woman.

I would always be the lion in a fight.

Would you fucking stop?

Okay.

He's been on this for days.

Fucking days.

Tiger would be a lion?

Absolutely.

Wait, lion or lioness?

Lion.

Lion.

Yeah, I agree.

Tiger,

tiger.

That's such a random, I forgot about that.

Lionesses are the ones that do the hunting.

Now, if it's a lioness,

I give her the edge.

But a lion, he's just.

Oh, I would still give it to the tiger.

Really?

Yeah, but I understand what you're saying.

Wrong.

A lion, they call the king of the jungle.

You know that lions don't live in the jungle?

Why is it the king of the jungle?

It's just a misnomer.

It's just not, it doesn't apply.

Okay, so then.

AI says a tiger would win.

Well, AI doesn't know shit.

AI puts downs faces.

You know nothing about big taps.

You put porn models.

Have you seen that?

AI puts downs faces on porn models.

Yes.

Why are we not doing this all the time?

It's a whole lane.

It's a whole thing.

This is what we should be doing with AI.

That's what everybody's been saying, Brad.

And now they have.

Oh.

No, this is what's going to further the technology.

Sometimes the internet will be.

Listen, you would need an absolute, you would need a pride to defeat a tiger.

Okay.

Do you know where this came from?

You just don't know.

My son is reading this book, the verses books, like scorpion versus snake.

And it's like they're animal books and they fight.

So there was one that was lion versus tiger.

And we take teams, the little boy, my nine-year-old, Tom.

I mean, we read it.

We sit down together.

And Ellis and I are team lion.

King of the jungle.

King of the fucking jungle.

And I said, without a doubt.

We won.

I go, without a doubt, it's tiger.

The book says lion.

And I just said, we should never play this game again because this is nonsense.

No.

And

tell them what you did after, though.

And then I pulled up.

He's crazy.

I did a bunch of research.

And I did screen grabs and I showed it to my son.

And me, dickhead.

You screenshotted it.

And then I wake up the next morning and he's sending me all this literature on how tigers would have to go.

You haven't done this much much re this much re, yeah, I can't speak, this much research for anything.

No, not a bit.

I was so fired up.

Not a project in high school.

I was so fired up about it.

I knew about.

What?

Listen, the tiger is bigger.

Listen, the tiger is bigger.

Well, size doesn't matter.

Weighs more.

They hunt alone.

They are more agile.

They jump higher.

It is a more ferocious solo cat.

And the idea that all things being equal, the lion would win is absurd.

I will never accept it.

Well, Tom, if you recall in the book, the reason the tiger couldn't get a firm grasp on the lion's neck is because of the colour.

It's mane, I know.

It's king-like, mane, that is a natural defense against such attacks.

Fiction or non-fiction?

Where is the book listed?

It's exactly.

Yeah, there you go.

It's just you're petty.

You're being petty.

I'm bringing, listen, I suppose.

Listen to me right now.

Josh Zolo, I want you to book a big cat expert to come in.

Call Ron McGill

from Zoo Miami.

You know this?

Is this real?

Yeah.

Ron McGill, Zoo Miami.

He's amazing.

He knows everything.

He could absolutely tell you.

Is he a big cat expert?

He is

anti-zoologist.

He's the head zoologist at Zoo Miami.

Even though Tiger may be physically

rich enough to make this happen.

Yeah.

To just have a Tiger fight alliance?

Yes.

Yeah.

Can't you just do this?

You guys are buying like NASCARs for each other.

You can't buy a fucking lion?

Maybe something to look into.

As pets.

We should be having them in our backyard.

Why is there a Tiger King and not a Tom King?

I do have a connection to somebody in the Middle East that might be a good thing.

Lion King.

I don't think I'll pay for it, but I think this Middle Eastern guy might.

Yes.

They do it for fun.

I mean, they did, like, the UFC did Fight Island or whatever to get around the COVID restrictions.

That's what you could do.

You and Bert, buy an island.

Yeah.

You know, Poroso's island.

Sure.

Come watch Big Cats Fight.

Yeah.

And which I would sign up for if that were somebody else.

That'd be fucking rad.

Yeah.

How come we can make that happen?

It's Texas.

We can do whatever we want.

Exactly.

Very true.

Yeah, the South don't give a shit.

Guys, good idea.

Good idea.

We're definitely doing this.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm going to show you these clips.

Okay.

All right.

You tell me if it's horrible or hilarious.

Oh, is this the.

I hate this.

Is this the influencers?

What the fuck?

Shall I change my mind?

I I love this segment.

That's hilarious just because it's like, what did you think was going to happen?

Stupid.

Yeah, he thought it was going to be like splash.

But also,

like,

even with however far you jump, the water doesn't go from the shore to 30 feet deep.

Of course.

Can I tell you his problem here?

I know.

I know this because I read about this.

Okay.

See, look, see how the hill is on a slant?

Yeah.

Oh, it's going down.

So he needs to jump way further out.

out and go down.

And he did not do that.

He did not execute correctly.

I like the person that gasped the second he left

where they went.

They knew.

They saw the chip.

They knew.

They're like, oh no.

Fuck, dude.

The sound of him slapping on the sand.

Yeah.

And then I,

and here's the beautiful part about

modern society.

No one's running.

No.

No.

No one's going to go.

They're just keep filming.

Keep filming.

That's the thing.

When the shit goes on around you, keep filming.

I got to say, kudos to the cameraman.

This is how you want to watch a disaster happen with real clear composition.

Can we walk over to him?

I like to see if he's breathing.

Yeah, no one cares.

Hey, toss it to me.

All right.

Kynas.

Stove.

Oh, this is a delivery.

All right.

It's a delivery.

This guy's like, you pick it up.

Yeah.

That's sliding.

Oh!

Woo!

Yeah.

You need a dolly, bro.

Yeah.

So that was real pain.

That, I have to give huge credit.

When you get a scream like that, it automatically becomes hilarious.

Like, if it's a great scream,

he's in real pain.

That scream, that scream should replace the Wilhelm scream.

Yeah.

Like, do you know what the Wilhelm scream is?

The Wilhelm scream.

Just play it and then play the

Wilhelm scream and you will instantly recognize it.

Okay.

It's the scream from every movie ever.

That's this guy.

That's that guy.

There you go.

Oh, yeah.

That's the scream from every movie ever.

Whenever anyone falls, that's the scream they use.

It's way better.

Ours are there.

Yeah.

This was way more authentic.

It always bumps me out to see like workers getting hurt.

Yeah.

Like blue-collar people getting hurt.

Because my dad would tell me about these forklift injuries.

My dad had a forklift business.

And dudes get like run over a lot

and hurt a lot.

That's why I tell jokes.

I don't want to be in a forklift where someone

can't see me and all of a sudden I'm impaled by a forklift.

Really rough.

Which, by the way, goes to a premise that I am working on,

which is I'm not afraid to die, but I'm just sad that I won't be able to read the tweets the next day.

Yeah.

Because however I die is going to be funny.

Yeah.

I have yet to figure out a way that I would die.

I know, because even if it wouldn't be funny, if it's a slow disease, there's still going to be jokes.

Oh, come on.

If it's a quick accident, there's going to be tons of jokes.

Definitely.

Like, you don't think that if, like, a forklift impaled me, there's not going to be dwarf kebab jokes?

Oh, yeah.

You've heard them all.

Like, you've heard them all on deck.

Yes.

So that's why if I do get a heckler and someone yells out something basic, like just like they yell out like, oompa loompa.

It's like, you think I haven't heard that shit?

Of course.

I've got comebacks, bro.

Of course.

Like, it's not going to go well for you.

I was just helping you out, bro.

You've heard that.

Yes.

All right.

Oh, no.

We take our kids to these places.

Oh, the climbing gyms.

Yeah, fuck.

That guy's going to go up.

And he's not strapped.

He's not strapped into anything.

He's going to come down.

He's going to come down.

This is going to hurt.

Is he free climbing?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

He's solo climbing.

He's way up there now, too.

I don't think there's a map.

Are we at 30 feet right now?

He's going to explode into dust.

There he goes.

Yep.

Oh, shh.

That was really loud.

He's totally knocked out.

I know it's not America because here we have padded mats that you can.

Oh, there'd be way too many lawsuits.

Yeah.

You sign your life away.

We got foam pits and everything like that.

This is like an Estonian or something.

Yeah, that's...

Woo!

I mean,

to the guy's credit, he tried to spread out and do what you're supposed to do and like hit as much of your body on the ground as possible.

dude sound like a shotgun i don't like this poland poland yeah oh yeah let's see how he did let's see what it says here uh he was 22 years old he's practicing for a feet client he 50 feet he fell that's that's dead right he never hooked into the fall delay system dead we just saw a man die he sustained a major concussion but was conscious and was treated by fireman emts He made a slow, full recovery.

Wow.

The gym is now under investigation for not properly making sure their customers are taking safety measures.

Yeah.

This was in Poland.

Of course.

In Poland.

Yeah.

He's 22.

Young guy, man.

Use.

They got the clips.

Get it?

Like,

I use all the safety precautions.

Now that I got a kid,

helmet, wrist guards,

and that's just to walk down the street.

You just got it.

I got the whole thing.

Oh, fuck off.

Well, now that I know that he lived, I can enjoy it a little bit more.

He only had a concussion.

Is that what?

That's insane.

How are his lungs not flying through the back of his body?

That's insane, bro.

I didn't like that one.

I think that's his feet is so far.

It's very high.

Because even if you hit water, maybe we've jumped off a cliff, you know, like cliff diving and you hit the water from 50, like we're done.

Yeah, done.

Here's one more for you.

This could go poorly.

I don't even know what we're setting up here, but I feel like it's not going to go well.

I say, oh, the truck.

The truck's going to tip.

That's hot asphalt.

Whoa.

A guy flew out of the truck.

Wow.

Multiple air cartwheels.

That was.

Yeah.

I mean.

But hold on.

Don't you feel like that?

The Russian judge gave it a four.

Don't you think that injury could have been avoided?

Yes.

With a seatbelt.

A seatbelt would have.

Yeah.

Tips over.

Like, why are you flying out, bro?

Wow.

Full rotation.

That's pretty awesome.

I don't even know how that happens.

It makes me wonder if, like, as the truck's tipping over, if he's like, let me unbuckle my seatbelt so I can get out.

Yeah.

And then he, and then he flew.

No offense.

You would have flipped like three times.

Oh, easy.

Once again, no way that's not funny if that, if that's how I go.

Oh, yeah.

Flying dwarf, make a wish.

Yeah, how did uh how did Brad die?

Look, check out this video.

Yeah, it's pretty funny.

Like, you, yeah, you thought your injury went viral.

I mean, if I, if I had your injury, but on a little tyke's hoop,

that would be...

Just slip and

it would be insane.

It's going to be epic no matter how I die.

All right, Christina, you want to show him a few?

Are you ready for my TEG talks, Brad?

Yeah.

I like to focus on the marginalized community, so

giving them a voice.

There's no way that could beat a tiger.

Well, that's a mountain lion.

Yep.

Mouth kissing.

Look how angry and annoyed that lion is.

He's like, fuck off.

Yeah, I don't know.

He's not into it.

I I don't know if he does.

I think it might be look like.

Is that Tyson Fury?

He's enjoying it.

He's not an, I don't know.

When I kiss our cat like that, you can tell when Munchkin

enjoys it.

He's tolerating the power.

Look at the size of the paws.

Like on his pet.

That's just...

I don't know.

Like...

This sounds hypocritical coming from me because I live with two pit bulls that could definitely kill me.

But yeah, why would you, why?

You see, we find all these guys.

Yeah.

They're usually Eastern European or Middle Eastern that have pet lions, tigers, mountain lions, jaguars.

Why?

Something goes wrong.

You need to get the gun.

Best case scenario.

One dude that

he had people clearly at his palace.

Yeah.

And then he just released his tiger into the swimming pool.

They were all in the pool and they all were like,

they all start freaking.

Because you would.

Yeah.

Because that's a fucking tiger.

It's really crazy.

I mean, I'm scared of like a small bird picking me up.

Yeah.

That's what I have to worry about is walking down the street.

Like someone mistaking me for a small rodent.

And then there goes Brad.

There goes Brad.

And then that's not.

By the way, that'd be a hilarious way to go.

Hilarious death.

Yo, there's some massive birds out here who just picked you up.

Oh, yeah.

Here it is.

Oh, these guys are all like hanging out, like, hey, it's a pool party.

It's fun.

And then

homeboy's like, oh, I got a fun thing to do.

Pose for the pool party.

And here comes the tiger.

That guy's never moved faster in his life.

Nope.

Never.

The fat slapping the ground is very funny.

Yeah.

That's always a good sound.

Yeah.

Just get out of the pool.

So crazy.

I would never swim faster.

Oh, my God.

That's insane.

I like that it's hashtag Arab, hashtag prank.

Hashtag prank.

Yeah.

See, that's not a prank to me.

No.

That's not a...

That's not, that, that's not a, hey, April Fools.

I let my tiger into the pool with you.

Fuck that.

No.

I would never hang out there again.

Hi, every baby.

It's me, Super Small Skylar.

That's not small.

I know small.

You're not small, Skylar.

I'm going to be showing you how to mod babe hassies

with adult teats.

Simply only using your microwave.

Finally.

A cup of water.

Thank God.

Replacement teats.

And either A.

I think we're good.

I think we can see what else is out there.

Did you want to know how to modify it so that you can do it for your adult baby fetish?

I think replacement teats are playing Coachella this year.

It could be wrong.

It is a good name for himself.

If someone could find out, look at the lineup.

You know, I have to say, people that are into adult babying, generally not attractive.

They're not.

What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to say it's an unattractive community.

They're not.

That's going to get some.

You're in the crowd.

Send me your, hey, are you like a hot adult baby fetish person?

Send a pic.

And be a genuine one, though.

I want you to prove it.

Just like those fart fetish girls, prove it.

I don't buy it.

Now, here's a question.

After you send your hate mail to Christine,

could you tell me, adult baby people,

are you mad you're not a midget?

Oh, wow.

I didn't even think they're co-opting your culture.

Yeah.

This is cultural appropriation.

Like, are you mad?

Like, aren't you looking at me going, like, if only

I could have been a dwarf, then

I don't have to.

And then there have to be.

There has to be dwarves that are into adult baby baby playing and they're the gods, god willing, because that's just like also you save so much money, you just have a normal pack and play.

Yeah, you don't have to actually

have to modify the crib at all.

You don't have to do this fucking stupid shit, right?

Yeah, you're fine, everything just fits you.

You can still fit in the Oshkosh stuff.

I want you to change my die-dye.

Yeah,

you have to wear adult diapers, but would you?

What size diaper would you have to get?

I mean, like I said, I got a dumper on me.

So

it'd be a big one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It'd be a like.

It's a big die-dye.

Yeah.

It's a big one.

Yeah.

But yeah, like, isn't that the life?

If you're a dwarf, but you also have a baby play fetish, then you got dealt the cards you wanted.

The world is your oyster.

Yeah, it's really awesome.

My husband and I have been in an open relationship for 15 years, and we still regularly have to check in regarding transparency.

And when I say transparency, I mean how much do I tell my husband about what I've done with other people and how much does he tell me?

We have specific rules that we follow.

We have a saying called privacy but no secrets, but it's still not the same as how much do I tell you based on what I've experienced and how you're feeling.

Keep your hands

up.

That makes me crazy.

And afterwards, I was like, oh my gosh, I want to tell you everything.

This is what I ate and this is what happened.

It is how I felt.

And oh my God.

And he said, I don't want to know the details.

He said, Danielle, I'm really happy that you had a good time.

I love that we give each other this freedom and this permission in our marriage.

But right now for the place that I'm in I don't want to know the details.

And that can be hard for me because I often feel that if I'm not providing all of the information, then I'm hiding something from my husband right now.

Same way.

I feel the same way.

I'm hiding all the dicks.

Like when I go on a date, Tom, and I've got that NRE, I just want to share it with you.

I want you to share the joy with me.

Like, what did I eat?

And I sucked a stack.

I love how the details of the date that she described.

Yeah.

I found so incredibly boring.

Like what I ate, how we talked.

I'm like, hey, if we're in this thing, get to the sex part.

Let me get my dick out.

Get to the sex part.

Talk about that.

I think he was like, I know what you did on this date and I'm good right now.

I don't need to hear it.

I don't want to hear it.

Because it wasn't, by the way, it wasn't the food that he didn't want to hear about.

Yes.

He was like,

you can tell me what you ate.

anytime.

I just don't want to hear about the details of you blowing this guy.

I have friends that are in open relationships and the ones that are, the ones that work, everyone is getting laid at about the same rate.

The ones that don't work are the ones where, hey, we're in an open relationship.

And ones get laid.

And ones get laid.

That's a good point.

And the other is not.

That's a really good point.

Yeah.

If there's that imbalance there, yeah, you guys get laid equally.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, good.

Open, poly, by.

Awesome.

Awesome.

That's good.

Like, as long as y'all are keeping your numbers up at about the same rate,

then you're good.

Then we're good.

I love it.

It's just all I think about is dating, dating, dating.

Yes, I have two children and whatever.

Thank God.

Thank God we have this open poly mindset.

You've got kids, these two, by the way.

It's like, I don't know how you're doing.

And I didn't want to hear.

The hands are just like...

Like, this story.

This is a story about open relationships, and I'm bored.

How bad at storytelling do you have to be about open relationships?

And I'm bored to tears.

Yeah, let's fucking ugh.

Boo.

I love you so much.

Yes.

You know it.

I think I'm about to have a love surge.

A love surge?

I love you too.

It's the kind of guy you see at like the

don't let the pigeon kind of musical be

the low IQ adults that are attending.

You know, my first thought of when I saw this person doing this, I just think of the parents being like, fuck.

Yeah.

Like his parents are like, God damn.

Can you imagine being his parents and then you're at a cocktail party and then someone goes like, hey, so how's Danny doing?

And you're just like,

dead.

He's dead.

Or another pair of like, you see this fucking dork?

And then he's like, it's your kid.

Like, that's our son.

Yeah.

And then, like, this is what I like about your podcast.

I like many things about your podcast.

Thank you.

But one thing about the podcast that I really enjoy is you guys are bringing shame back.

Thanks, man.

And I really appreciate that because we need shame again.

Too many people are just like, no, this is me.

This is who I am.

I can do whatever.

And don't be yourself.

No.

There's certain times, certain parts about yourself.

Everyone's like trying to live their authentic life.

Some of that shit in.

I say this to my mother all the time.

Whenever

she's like, well, I can't help being who I am.

I go, yes, you can and you should.

Like, don't, don't say the thing that you think you can't say.

You can not say it.

Yeah.

Just.

You could just not.

Here's the.

This should be your new mantra.

I'm going to not be myself.

Yeah.

Well, because when you think about it, you're bringing shame on your family.

You're bringing shame on everything.

And thankfully, my family doesn't give a fuck.

So

I do and say as I please.

But

yeah, like if you came from a normal place and yeah, you don't have to share all your thoughts and you don't have to definitely don't have to make videos of them.

Definitely don't.

Like, you know, stuff happens

in the news and you have thoughts that might not be aligning.

You could just not share it.

Tweet it.

You don't have to do the Instagram video going like, you know,

these crisis actors that were, or whatever the heck your thing is.

Israel-Palestine.

Yeah, yeah.

I've had a friend say, Brad, you haven't posted about Israel-Palestine.

I don't care.

I'm going to stop them from fighting.

They've been fighting for thousands of years, but I'm going to make one tweet.

Somebody's like, hold on, the dwarf said something.

Let's check in.

Somebody also tried to shame me about that.

Yeah.

Somebody was like, your silence on

Israel and Palestine speaks volumes.

I'm like, good.

Great.

Because also, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm not worried.

I'm not.

I don't have the knowledge, and I don't really trust the news to give me the right information.

Jokes about how their balls smell need to weigh in on this conflict.

Yeah.

That's insane.

Oh, I mean, you have access to Ted Cruz, so in that way.

In that way, it's

maybe

you can influence some policy.

According to the CBC,

but let me tell you something that's going to blow your mind.

Okay.

Airplane seats?

The ones we're all crammed into?

They're realistically designed to fit someone who's a size 6 to 8 comfortable.

That's based on seat widths of 17 to 18 inches and clothing size charts.

So let me ask you this.

If the seats aren't built for plus-size people, and they aren't built for the average person, who are they even working for?

Most people.

And here's what's wild.

Most of you know these.

Seats are too small.

You've thought it yourself.

How long is this?

And when a thin person

says it, you nod along like, yeah, they're awful.

The second a fat person says it though, suddenly it's entitlement.

And let's be real, that's not about the seats.

That's about you.

Yeah, that's true.

I hate videos like this.

I know.

I hate videos like this that tell you what you think.

You've been on the the plane and you've had a thin person be like, These seats are too small.

And you've nodded in agreement.

But no.

Actually, no, I haven't.

That's never happened.

Also, no one's going to look at me and say, These seats are too small.

Because I'm just going to be like, What are you talking about?

This is great.

Fucking Cadillac.

Duplex.

I am all right.

Yeah, this is nonsense.

This is totally nonsense.

And as someone who

frequently gets denied to do certain activities?

There's a lot of activities I just don't get to do.

And that's just the reality of it.

It's just how the world works.

Okay.

We're not building everything for absolutely everyone.

I mean, with this person, we've done it before and people get upset, but the truth is, it's kind of what you said.

This person just needs to be shamed.

You should be shamed for being this size.

And,

you know, like what she needs to do is just go to a camp and drink.

Lose some LBs.

And also, by the way, America is really the only country that

allows people to be fat.

And it's great.

If you go to Europe, guess what?

Do you think they're going to be cool with you being overweight?

They shame you into losing the weight.

You may not be in Asia.

They'll shame you shame.

What they would tell her is like, yeah, you shouldn't fly ever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even if it's a six-day road trip, do it.

Yeah, do it.

There's a video.

Maybe you guys can find it.

It came across my Instagram recently about

there's like either a restaurant or a theme park where it's like the thinner you are,

the more of a discount you get.

Like,

like they have like these doors.

It's like, all right, if you can fit through this door,

then you get 10% off, but this door, 20% off.

That's amazing.

And it like encourages you to be thinner.

Is that it?

It's probably in Korea.

Yes.

Yes.

There it is.

100% off.

Do it.

Oh, she's not getting through the hundred.

Yeah, she's not getting 100% off.

She's getting 50%.

She's got 50.

That's pretty good.

Good girl.

Yeah, this is Asia.

This is how they roll, dude.

And by the way, I'm not saying this to be like, oh, you can't feel like, because I get it.

Weight is hard.

But it's like, we're doing this for your health.

It's not healthy to be that size.

And then there should be a thing on the other side of that where it goes, this is how much more you're going to pay over.

You know what I mean?

Like you get a surcharge.

If you can't fit through those, you go to the next one.

They're like, all right, now you're going to pay 10% more and then 20% more.

And then that heifer in the airplane, they're like, you're going to pay triple the price.

Yeah.

There's just some things that not everyone gets to do.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

So

I'm listening to this

Hungarian podcast.

You practice listening in Hungarian.

Oh, okay.

And this girl moved from Budapest to San Antonio two years ago.

And she's like, I have gained 30 pounds because I love nachos.

I've never had nachos before, and I love nachos.

And all your American food is so tasty, and I'm so fat.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

That's what I'm saying.

If you're not hungry, you don't eat it like that.

I did my first European tour last year and went to places like Copenhagen and Norway, and I was just looking around, like, there's no fat people.

No fatties.

And then you read the menu.

It's like, it's all fish.

It's all like vegetables and stuff like that.

You're like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

Didn't see one Waffle House.

No.

Nothing fried.

And don't be wrong.

I love Waffle House.

I need to stop going there because it's too good.

Yeah, I need it all the time.

All right.

We have to wrap up.

If you want to see Brad, and you should on tour, go to BradWilliamsComedy.com.

If you want to see his latest special, it's called Starfish.

It's available now on YouTube.

Can I plug one more thing?

Of course.

I just came out with a hot sauce.

Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce.

Death by Dwarf.

How hot is it?

There's one that's a ghost pepper.

That's a 10 out of 10.

Wow.

And that's, I tried it for a video that I'm going to be posting soon.

And it was not fun.

But the other ones were really good.

Mago Habaniero is my favorite.

So just go to Brad WilliamsComedy.com.

There's a link, Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce.

There it is.

Oh, that's awesome.

Holy shit, dude.

Made it freaking hot sauce.

And they're actual bottles.

They're not like the little mini Tabasco ones, although we tried.

Dude, that's awesome.

You got to send us some.

We'll have another

studio.

I will absolutely send you guys some Death by Dwarf hot sauce.

So brad.

Yeah.

So

yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of hot sauce collectors out there.

You might have the offspring hot sauce or the Lemmy hot sauce.

Get a little

Death by Dwarf hot sauce.

That's good stuff.

Amazing.

Thank you very much for coming in.

Thank you, Brad.

Congratulations on everything.

Thank you guys.

And we'll see you guys next week.

Bye, Jeans.

Bye.

My fellow Americans, there's one mystery we have not yet solved in this country, and that is where all the commons.

left, I'll give it time, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, I'm back,

I'm out, I think I'm fall,

I'm back, I look at rot, rap, rot, rap, rap,

rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, and a rough, rough,

sticky comments for us.

How often am I doing this?

Every day I do your technical

Cool stuff, sonic stuff, neat stuff.