Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806

Speaker 1 What's everybody?

Speaker 2 This weekend I'm going to be at the Xcel Energy Center in St.

Speaker 3 Paul, Minnesota, Friday, April 18th, and then Alliant Energy Center in Madison, Wisconsin, Saturday, April 19th, during my come together tour.

Speaker 8 Get tickets now at tomsagura.com/slash tour.

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Speaker 14 Ambition

Speaker 14 He gotta send her flowers on a Tuesday

Speaker 14 nowadays. I be like, oh, hell no, bitch.
Oh, I'm a bad mother because I make crazy ass videos.

Speaker 14 She don't don't care about nothing but her fucking nut. So, whatever, come on, little side bitch.

Speaker 11 I'm just gonna get you some self-respect and dignity in a life.

Speaker 9 Don't accidentally.

Speaker 18 I can't stand when somebody commented under one of my videos, is she high?

Speaker 18 No, beautiful guy. I am blessed.

Speaker 19 Fucking funny.

Speaker 7 Welcome to another episode.

Speaker 13 Ching chong, ching chong.

Speaker 21 Ching chong ching chong.

Speaker 22 To the

Speaker 23 to your mom's house.

Speaker 25 That was a Ghetto Asian Girl Remix by CJQ Productions.

Speaker 29 Classic.

Speaker 11 It was a really good one.

Speaker 30 All-time hit, man.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that one's been in my head for a decade. Yeah, hey, first of all, happy Smurf Day.

Speaker 31 Thank you.

Speaker 11 It's your Smurf Day. How old are you today now?

Speaker 32 I am 46.

Speaker 33 You're older. Dang,

Speaker 11 dang. You look

Speaker 11 every day a bit

Speaker 34 older.

Speaker 35 All right.

Speaker 11 I think you're really coming into your middle-aged dadness. I think this is a good year for you.
It's spectacular. Last year crushed for you.
It's going to be even better. Thanks, Gene.

Speaker 36 Even

Speaker 37 great.

Speaker 38 I was, after I did MSG, I went out to a big dinner and you went to bed.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 11 And you don't go out to late dinners.

Speaker 36 At one point, Jimmy, who I work with,

Speaker 40 came down to my end of the table, and he was like, you know, congratulations.

Speaker 35 This is a big day.

Speaker 36 And I was like, yeah, thanks, man. He goes, hey, you know,

Speaker 43 I was looking.

Speaker 39 I was kind of doing a little trivia.

Speaker 3 Guess what year

Speaker 45 the Beastie Boys first did MSG?

Speaker 29 Oh, 98.

Speaker 30 I was like, that was kind of my guess.

Speaker 46 I was like, no, 90, 91.

Speaker 41 He goes, 84. What?

Speaker 47 1984.

Speaker 36 That must have been like illegal. But then he goes,

Speaker 48 he goes, he goes, 84.

Speaker 32 He goes, so you're 52?

Speaker 22 And I go, what?

Speaker 26 And he goes, you're like 52?

Speaker 27 And I go, I'm 45.

Speaker 35 And he was like, oh.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, you only would have been like four or five years old.

Speaker 35 I was like, right.

Speaker 11 Thank you.

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 31 No, I'm not seven years older than you thought.

Speaker 11 But you've always, people have always assumed you were older than since I was 15 years old. When is that attributed to? Facial hair, body hair?

Speaker 2 Kind of all of it.

Speaker 44 I was basically this size at 15, 16.

Speaker 38 And then, yeah, then I was shaving my face.

Speaker 11 At 15? That's when I started?

Speaker 53 Well, so this is the

Speaker 2 sideburns come in, then the peach fuzz comes in.

Speaker 43 But by 16, 17, I would have, you know, five o'clock shadow.

Speaker 35 Oh, my God.

Speaker 39 And yeah, so I had facial hair.

Speaker 42 And when I I was 16, 17, I would walk into a bar and they're like, go ahead and sit down.

Speaker 21 You're like, all right.

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 37 Not always, you know, sometimes they would know.

Speaker 39 They're like, you're not fucking 21.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 39 But man, that shit was fun.

Speaker 55 That is good.

Speaker 37 That's when it was cool.

Speaker 23 Now when people are like, what are you 55?

Speaker 56 I'm like, no, not yet.

Speaker 11 Thankfully, thankfully for women,

Speaker 11 they don't guess your age.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I don't like to say that.

Speaker 15 I don't want to know.

Speaker 11 You don't need to guess. I'll just tell you.

Speaker 51 There's also, there's a limit to how weird people get about that, though.

Speaker 22 People are

Speaker 2 Like, if you want to know someone who goes, like, I will not divulge my age, you're like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 11 It's so weird, especially if you're a person that's in the public arena. Like, Wikipedia knows all.

Speaker 59 And some people have that hidden.

Speaker 45 There are people where they go, oh, really?

Speaker 37 Sure, you can look people up because they go,

Speaker 56 no known birthday.

Speaker 24 And you're like,

Speaker 36 that's insane. Dumb.

Speaker 11 Insane. You know what's crazy too?

Speaker 11 I knew this Hungarian mom growing up who wouldn't let her daughter call her mom. The daughter had to call her by her first name.

Speaker 28 Why?

Speaker 11 Because she didn't want to be

Speaker 35 mom.

Speaker 11 She didn't want to be age.

Speaker 29 Mom is old.

Speaker 11 Isn't that that's fucked up.

Speaker 29 My

Speaker 37 aunt who's been on this show, Blanca, she had this thing whenever it was, you know, you'd always, when you're kids and it's one of the adults' birthdays, there's always a little celebration cake.

Speaker 62 So I'd be like, how old are you?

Speaker 50 Because it's normal to be seven and ask, how old are you?

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 63 She would always go, I'm 21 in one Bernie.

Speaker 30 And I go, what?

Speaker 22 What?

Speaker 42 And I always thought she was saying 21 in one Bernie or the name Bernie.

Speaker 50 And I was like, this is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 45 And the thing she was actually saying was 21 in one burning.

Speaker 29 I still don't understand.

Speaker 37 I guess that's, I think it's an old expression, right?

Speaker 65 Can you look that up?

Speaker 11 21 in one.

Speaker 46 21 in one burning?

Speaker 66 Like, meaning another candle's burning?

Speaker 11 That's stupid. That's stupid.
Is that what that doesn't even make sense? Yeah.

Speaker 46 Burning.

Speaker 4 Oh, ow, it refers to the concept of of burning a card in the casino in the context of blackjack.

Speaker 52 A burning card involves discarding a card from the deck to prevent cheating.

Speaker 45 It can also help identify the cards left in the deck.

Speaker 67 I still don't understand.

Speaker 45 How do you say that? Why do you say that for your age?

Speaker 10 Like

Speaker 37 the statement refers to an age requirements of burning man?

Speaker 29 That's she didn't.

Speaker 11 You know what it is? Can I tell you? Can I know? I know exactly what happened to her. Yeah.

Speaker 68 She heard it wrong.

Speaker 11 Yeah. It's the same thing my mom would do.
Like foreigners mess up these sayings. Yeah.
So she probably wanted it to say, I'm only 21. And then she said, 21 in the burning.

Speaker 11 Because she thought it was really funny in her mind. It's not an age reference.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 40 The actual explanations are nothing like she would use it.

Speaker 11 No, of course. Foreigners, but that.

Speaker 68 The saying 21 and 1 burning in the context of age refers to a medical rule, the rule of nines, to estimate the percentage of total body surface burned. Yes.

Speaker 69 For skin burns.

Speaker 11 But they don't, you know, they think it sounds like a sound.

Speaker 12 Yeah, she thought it sounded clever, right?

Speaker 22 And like cute.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 44 And also, by the way, was one of these people who as a child would not tell me her age.

Speaker 70 That's so stupid.

Speaker 31 And I'm like, no, but how old are you for real?

Speaker 63 21 in one berning.

Speaker 37 I go, how are you?

Speaker 57 I want to know how old you are.

Speaker 63 21 in one berning.

Speaker 52 I'm like, I'm seven years old.

Speaker 50 I don't even have context for aging.

Speaker 4 I don't care. And you don't.

Speaker 57 I just want to know how old you are.

Speaker 11 You already think she's ancient because you're seven. Of course.
So it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 When you're seven and somebody goes, I'm 24, you're like, you're about to die.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 11 You have no scale. You're so old.
You have no scale for that. Yeah.

Speaker 11 It's so, well, happy Smurf Day.

Speaker 29 Thank you.

Speaker 11 We're going to celebrate you tonight. We're just going to have dinner at the house.

Speaker 71 I think.

Speaker 36 Hopefully my mother, who's 21 and 1 burning, will

Speaker 47 come over.

Speaker 11 And I got to tell you. Sister.
Oh, they're going to come over, of course. I haven't bought you anything because what do you buy the guy that has everything?

Speaker 23 You don't love her socks.

Speaker 11 Oh, stop with this.

Speaker 61 You don't dads like socks and ties.

Speaker 11 Can I tell you what you've done with every gift that

Speaker 11 I've ever given you ever? Here, hand this lipstick to me. Okay.
Pretend like I'm you. I'm you, and it's your birthday.

Speaker 70 Okay, okay.

Speaker 11 Oh, this is your birthday.

Speaker 11 Oh, thanks.

Speaker 36 That's a good job acting.

Speaker 11 That's what you do every time. Thanks.
Put it away. I swear to God.
And then I'll never see it again. That's not true.
You don't care about getting gifts. You're a gift giver.

Speaker 40 Well, that's probably more true. Yeah, but still.

Speaker 11 You like to give. You're not a gift.

Speaker 45 I do like when you give me gifts. I do like it.

Speaker 29 I do.

Speaker 48 I'll tell you what gift I would love.

Speaker 50 I know what you want.

Speaker 32 Well, no, this is a perfect introduction to it.

Speaker 6 Let's watch the opening clip and get on with the show.

Speaker 11 Happy birthday to you, Tommy.

Speaker 24 Here we go.

Speaker 22 Here you go.

Speaker 11 Blow me up, Tom.

Speaker 72 Fisting is such a gigantic part of my identity that I feel like a part of me is gone. I feel like there's a big vacancy left where fisting, I don't know what to do with myself during most of the days.

Speaker 72 I spent so much time playing with my ass and sitting on toys and just playing on cam and like just being a general pig with my butthole that trying to fill the days now is really kind of weird.

Speaker 73 Fuck yeah,

Speaker 11 I get it.

Speaker 34 I get that.

Speaker 9 Mom Segura.

Speaker 9 Oh wow.

Speaker 33 Welcome. Here, mom.

Speaker 11 It's your mom's house. It's your birthday.
Tommy, you're 87 years old. Today, today,

Speaker 11 you look like you're 90.

Speaker 22 But you're only 45 Here, here's what you're only 45.

Speaker 11 46. 46, yeah.

Speaker 22 We are so old.

Speaker 73 Damn, done, get it.

Speaker 33 Get a face done.

Speaker 11 This here, adjust your lower lefts.

Speaker 33 Get those done.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 11 Do we know?

Speaker 11 Do we know why he lost his love of life?

Speaker 12 I think he prolapsed or something.

Speaker 48 It's like a real, it's difficult.

Speaker 59 There's a part two.

Speaker 26 Here you go. Okay.

Speaker 69 I don't have a lot of other hobbies.

Speaker 72 And so it's kind of forcing me to take a mirror to myself and look at myself and figure out who I am without

Speaker 69 my hole.

Speaker 72 Because I don't really know who that is anymore because I've been kind of one with my hole for so long. It's been giving me purpose.

Speaker 72 And so now I have to kind of figure out what that looks like without it.

Speaker 7 That is, by the way, such a dedication to playing with your asshole.

Speaker 2 That he doesn't even know how to describe life without toying with his asshole.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it's an existential crisis.

Speaker 1 He's having a real real life crisis right now.

Speaker 23 He's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 25 I don't have hobbies. I play with my asshole.

Speaker 3 I put toys in it. I'm on cam.

Speaker 47 People fuck it and fist it.

Speaker 2 And now what am I supposed to do?

Speaker 41 Read? Right.

Speaker 11 And mind you, he's no spring chicken. He's well into his 30s.
I venture almost 40. Yeah.
And he's been doing nothing. Although, I got to say this.
He's fucking his own asshole.

Speaker 12 Sir,

Speaker 61 I appreciate.

Speaker 31 the vulnerability. Sure.

Speaker 50 The honesty. Yes.

Speaker 59 You know, not a lot of people would share this, but you're just like, what the fuck?

Speaker 77 You know what he reminds me of?

Speaker 3 Like a guy who's retiring from 15 years in the NBA?

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 65 He's like, I've been playing basketball every fucking day.

Speaker 4 What do I do now?

Speaker 2 And now I get up and there's no practice.

Speaker 43 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 There's no shoot around. There's no stretching treatment.

Speaker 7 Like, what am I supposed to do?

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to figure out something to do.

Speaker 59 I'm a retired.

Speaker 44 His asshole was his life.

Speaker 11 It was his championship.

Speaker 45 Now, one thing I don't have context of is what you asked. What exactly happened?

Speaker 50 I mean, I'm making the assumption that his asshole took him out of the game.

Speaker 78 That's correct. Yeah.
He prolapsed real bad and he had to go to the hospital for a while.

Speaker 79 Fuck.

Speaker 78 He had to like shit into a colostomy bag.

Speaker 22 Oh, you don't want that.

Speaker 11 You don't want that.

Speaker 59 So his asshole's just out of commission now.

Speaker 78 Yeah. Yeah.
And now he hosts the Brolapse podcast, which is just about life after his asshole.

Speaker 22 Yep.

Speaker 81 That's fucking wild.

Speaker 11 We got to get into this show.

Speaker 53 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Oh, this is so cool. There's got to be other gentlemen out there that have lost.

Speaker 65 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 59 There's probably a lot of people that are like, oh, thank God you're doing this.

Speaker 11 Thank God. What is life without fisting your own asshole?

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Speaker 66 Converting vanilla into

Speaker 38 vanilla gaze into fist pigs, one hole at a time.

Speaker 20 Fist pig.

Speaker 2 I mean, what's this other one say?

Speaker 7 This top right one.

Speaker 4 Is that a different? That's a different one.

Speaker 52 Can you hit that to see what he's talking about here?

Speaker 57 Fist pig.

Speaker 11 That's fantastic.

Speaker 72 Did the fisting change at all during this experience or like the way you connect with it, like either emotionally or spiritually? Did it change after you went through the tr this traumatic experience?

Speaker 87 I'm just I'm just conscious, more conscious. Like before I knew there was like a risk, but like every risk you always think that that's not going to happen to me.
But I mean, I'm a small guy.

Speaker 87 I'm short. So I'm I think in I'm five seven five five seven.
So I was like pushing myself too much because I wanted to be at the the same level of other content creators.

Speaker 72 That's the problem with content today. That's what I think is like a big, it's like this company.

Speaker 80 This is insane.

Speaker 22 And I love this.

Speaker 33 With content creators.

Speaker 55 This is a, you can stop it.

Speaker 61 This is a support group for other guys who have also destroyed their assholes.

Speaker 30 Yeah. Trying to push it.

Speaker 36 He's like, now I got to think about it.

Speaker 79 I used to just, I'm small.

Speaker 42 I'd push, I'd push the envelope.

Speaker 51 And then now you push too hard.

Speaker 11 It's a very specific niche brand, but it's working for him. But do you think porno stars, like the women out there, are like, my pussy's so battered?

Speaker 31 Because

Speaker 31 your pussy's meant for it.

Speaker 55 That's the other thing.

Speaker 37 And I'm not, this is not about the Lord striking us all dead for playing with our assholes, but it is designed for it.

Speaker 80 Yes.

Speaker 6 Stretching. Yeah, it's for that.

Speaker 37 So I saw a video one time when I was doing research of a woman who researched.

Speaker 32 Yeah, I was doing research for a school thing.

Speaker 22 Sure.

Speaker 56 And

Speaker 85 she was doing anal sex, and her entire

Speaker 37 inside would come out, and she would just put it back in.

Speaker 21 Nope.

Speaker 11 Yep. No thanks, Tom Hanks.

Speaker 22 She would just be like, I can never put it back in.

Speaker 11 Listen, you know how tired I am about my Schphenctor. You don't want to start toying with that.
You can't, it's not replaceable, guys. You only get one of them.

Speaker 11 They don't do colon transplants.

Speaker 12 But also, this guy fucked.

Speaker 40 He is, the look on his face in the one that we played is like, I just lost my parents.

Speaker 55 No, that's what it feels like.

Speaker 35 Like an orphan who's like, I agree.

Speaker 11 Well, he's truly lost.

Speaker 11 Well, let's put it in his perspective. He lost his pleasure zone and his way to make a living.
Go back to where you just had it. So it is a financial as well as physical and spiritual.

Speaker 53 So this is how deep this is.

Speaker 42 On March 20th, my life took an.

Speaker 80 This just happened, an unexpected turn.

Speaker 38 A severe accidental internal injury led to a perforation in my sigmoid colon in emergency surgery.

Speaker 59 The result, a temporary colossal bag, and a long road to healing.

Speaker 64 The photo photo is of me, raw, healing human.

Speaker 42 Honestly, I've got no shame about the bag.

Speaker 32 If anything, I'm more embarrassed that they shaved me from the tits down.

Speaker 31 Nobody wanted me to wake up looking at the body.

Speaker 11 That's what you're embarrassed about? Yeah. The shaving? I didn't even notice it until he was.

Speaker 38 But people are checking in with them, and you know, this is a huge, yeah, this is a life-pivoting moment. It's kind of ironic that it's happening.

Speaker 66 Like, we're learning of this

Speaker 36 the week that we, a week after we went to the Iron Bear, which is a gay bar here in Austin, because we had a huge Porosos takeover there where we were in the bar.

Speaker 43 We were given, you know, it was bears on bears on bears.

Speaker 61 It was the two bears with all the other bears.

Speaker 36 And let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 That was one of the most fun nights we've ever, it doesn't compare to the other bar takeovers we did.

Speaker 44 It was so festive.

Speaker 37 It was so fun. They were so welcoming.

Speaker 33 Of course.

Speaker 41 We were told that

Speaker 65 we could get fucked.

Speaker 61 by these guys. It was really flattering.

Speaker 43 Guys were like, yeah, you know, if you want to, I could do things to you.

Speaker 40 And

Speaker 11 what kind of guys? Were they bears?

Speaker 22 Other bears or cubs or twinks?

Speaker 80 Or what do you think about that?

Speaker 36 It was all kinds. It was all kinds.
It was all kinds.

Speaker 3 And the best thing was that Bert insisted, he was wearing the most absurd outfit, you know?

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Like he was wearing like he was going to like a fuck club.

Speaker 46 Yeah. And yeah, he was wearing that.

Speaker 29 Right.

Speaker 4 And he kept asking them, hey, who would you, who would you want between the two?

Speaker 2 And before he could finish the sentence, they'd go, him, Tom, like every time.

Speaker 29 And I was like, yeah, this is awesome.

Speaker 60 And he kept going, what the fuck?

Speaker 69 Why did I wear this?

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, now he knows how ladies feel. Well, he looks very fat, he's so fat there.
Oh, wow, you know what he looks like? He's about pregnant. Remember when I had to wear that support belt?

Speaker 6 He looks like a guy that you would see at a club, though, right?

Speaker 11 Yeah, the harness, yeah, the harness and the belly.

Speaker 22 And sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 11 He's wearing a captain's hat, too.

Speaker 22 He was so funny.

Speaker 23 It was great.

Speaker 59 It was actually really, but he took those off, the shorts, and his ass cheeks were out.

Speaker 36 Oh, my God. And he said, guys, were running their fingers through his crack.

Speaker 11 See it.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 26 They were touching his crack.

Speaker 11 He is so brave, I'll tell you.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I love Bert. It's fun.
By the way, I'm a little mad at you still because this morning I woke up and I was fucking so furious at you, dude, because I had this dream about you.

Speaker 11 Speaking of like leather daddy, so here's the dream. I dreamt that you and I.

Speaker 53 Say it again. What? I what? I.

Speaker 60 You what?

Speaker 11 I woke up furious with you.

Speaker 45 Because I dreamt.

Speaker 11 I dreamt that you did something terrible. Did you want to hear what you fucking did? Yeah.
I was so mad at you. I really wanted to fucking just kill you in your sleep.
I was so fucking pissed.

Speaker 67 I really was. Okay, go on.

Speaker 11 I don't know if you noticed. I was a little extra loud this morning when I was making my coffee.
I was like, fucking wake him up. I don't give a shit.

Speaker 11 Any hoodles? I dreamt that you basically got into some really weird, kinky sexual things.

Speaker 11 Like, but absurd, like the kind of shit that we cover a guy's in like plastic

Speaker 11 like the latex the latex guys and then you were really in the dream into felching like you would suck cum out of a butthole with a straw and I was like babe I can't do this and Charlize Theron was there with all these other I love her too which is like conflicted for me and it was conflicting because I really like her in real life you know and she was like yeah all the celebrities come to to this club and we all sign NDAs and you can come here and do whatever you want.

Speaker 12 She'd be a pig.

Speaker 11 And I turn to you and I go, Great, I'm divorcing you. I'm taking all your money and I'm taking your kids.
Enjoy your fucking life, Tom. And I was super mad.
Are you listening to me? I'm listening.

Speaker 11 So selfish. Yeah.
Because you didn't come after me. And you were like stoked that now you get to have this new fucking sexual deviant lifestyle.
With Charlie's. You gave it all up.

Speaker 11 You gave up your family so that you could felch.

Speaker 72 It was so spent so much time playing with my ass.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I was so mad at you. Yeah.

Speaker 11 So disgusting. Guys do that all the time.

Speaker 28 Who I am without my whole.

Speaker 11 Guys just leave their families.

Speaker 30 Yeah. To join sex.

Speaker 11 To do sexual stuff.

Speaker 25 Didn't you say there was some piss in there too?

Speaker 80 Some piss play?

Speaker 11 Yeah. Like people peeing on each other.
It was like sick looking people.

Speaker 11 Like when I had my colonoscopy the other day, we were in the waiting room and there were like these two gay guys and they looked really fucking ill.

Speaker 22 They looked ill.

Speaker 11 Like a lot of people getting colonoscopies don't look good.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 11 You know? Yeah, they were like sick looking gay dudes. Anyway, I'm fucking so pissed.
I hate you so much. It took me like all morning to come down from that round.

Speaker 11 I hate that one.

Speaker 29 Come for me.

Speaker 33 Shut up.

Speaker 11 No woman.

Speaker 15 Shut up.

Speaker 21 Okay, you come.

Speaker 22 You.

Speaker 44 I would join if Leo was there.

Speaker 11 I would go to that one. Leo, oh, him.
Yeah, he's family in our capground.

Speaker 22 Let me see all that jump.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 11 so yeah i would love to just i mean you know i would love to try the piss thing at a club i think that'd be fun nothing burger honestly if you are like i want you to pee on me i'd be like yeah who cares that that to me is a no i didn't say want to pee on me i want to pee on someone you could pee on me that's a big nothing burger really don't care i would drink it i kind of like when i see like a woman terrified

Speaker 41 you know what i mean like really scared that's a that's easy to do too you could do that of course show me no

Speaker 11 No. My Botox.
I got too much Botox. I can't.

Speaker 42 No, be more like real.

Speaker 42 I like when it's like.

Speaker 11 No, I don't want to do that.

Speaker 45 Like in your shows. And then you have to say, like, let me go.

Speaker 50 Like, if you say something like that.

Speaker 63 Please, sir.

Speaker 53 Yeah.

Speaker 55 That's good. That's good.

Speaker 69 Yeah. Don't make me hurt your dog.

Speaker 11 You know where that's from, don't you?

Speaker 22 Yeah?

Speaker 11 You know where that's from. Oh, like, you don't know that movie by heart.

Speaker 26 Don't let me make me hurt your dog.

Speaker 33 Okay, good.

Speaker 11 Come on, mister. Her leg's broken.
She's hurting real bad.

Speaker 11 Don't make me hurt your dog.

Speaker 11 Come on. You love this guy.

Speaker 34 Oh.

Speaker 21 Oh.

Speaker 11 It places the lotion in the basket.

Speaker 53 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 37 Sorry.

Speaker 39 It sounds like a lamb. Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 11 Yeah. When you bound to sign 16.

Speaker 22 Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 28 It's good.

Speaker 78 Frederica Bimmel.

Speaker 33 She's a great big fat person.

Speaker 34 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 33 She goes, oh, she's a great big fat person.

Speaker 11 Oh, by the way, I mean, guys leave their families all the time for sexual things, just for sex. It's crazy to me.

Speaker 11 I mean, sex is cool. Then sometimes chicks do too.
Very rarely.

Speaker 53 Sometimes they do.

Speaker 11 Those chicks are cool, though.

Speaker 42 I've spent so much time just toying with my asshole like a pig.

Speaker 21 I don't know what to do now.

Speaker 11 I'm a fist pig, Tom.

Speaker 33 I'm a fist pig.

Speaker 22 I'm a hardcore fist pig.

Speaker 5 Speaking of.

Speaker 67 Fist pig.

Speaker 42 Fuck.

Speaker 46 The storyline of storylines of this year, Tony Johns, who we checked in with a little while ago,

Speaker 64 has been continuously and continually getting kicked out of places.

Speaker 26 And a couple nights ago, he posted that Curly's, a bar in Auburn, New York, gave him the boot.

Speaker 25 He went right out and told this story.

Speaker 28 So now,

Speaker 88 Curly's out here. Hear me out.
I got a whole bag here full of photos on, you know,

Speaker 88 20 bones, bones you know nice cash vimos

Speaker 88 and the bartender here at curly's i uh you know try to give her a photo as a donation you know as you know just to be nice you know a local uh nice man here yeah uh curly's auburn new york and uh she said oh no we don't do that here i said what she said oh no we don't do that here i said it's a donation It's a photo for a donation.

Speaker 88 It's a donation. It's for the bar.
A donation.

Speaker 28 You know what I'm saying? It's a photo. Donation.

Speaker 88 She said, oh, no. You're 86 out curlies.
Don't ever come back here again. I said, what?

Speaker 88 She said, oh, no, don't ever come back here again. You're 86.

Speaker 88 I said, yes, ma'am. Perfect.

Speaker 88 I'm going to walk out.

Speaker 88 I don't want no problems. I'm going to walk out.
You'll never see me again in this bar. Adios, curly.

Speaker 55 That's pretty wild.

Speaker 6 And then, is there a follow-up to this story?

Speaker 3 Is that what I'm hearing?

Speaker 60 Scroll up a little bit.

Speaker 6 Thanks, Cutie Pie. Okay, what's this one?

Speaker 88 Yeah, I'm just rolling out of bed. Literally.

Speaker 88 I'm just waiting for the bus now. Just rolled out of bed, fresh out of bed.
I gotta go grab me a few swigs.

Speaker 88 I don't know. I gotta get me

Speaker 88 some laundry detergent. I gotta get me a few loads done this afternoon.

Speaker 88 Nice nice kickback day today, but I do you know just want to say I appreciate the bartender at Curly. She did apologize last night.
She called me. And, hey, no worries, sweetie.

Speaker 88 I appreciate, you know, your subscription. You know, I really do.
I really, really do appreciate your subscription 100%. You know, you're an absolute sweetheart.

Speaker 88 You're an absolute, you know, tall glass of water.

Speaker 11 So thank you, sweetie. He does like the tall brunette.

Speaker 77 He's been.

Speaker 57 Yeah, he likes it. I'm glad.
It sounds like she, you know.

Speaker 45 kind of sorted herself out after 86ing a local celebrity.

Speaker 11 I think she understands that he's just hustling. He's just, he's a worker and he's doing well.

Speaker 80 And these photos are rad.

Speaker 3 And by the way, if you follow him online, you can get yourself a photo.

Speaker 64 This one came here to the office.

Speaker 2 It's autographed by Tony Johns.

Speaker 41 He's in his Speedo or his little tidy

Speaker 28 underneath.

Speaker 11 No, yeah, it's a Speedo.

Speaker 11 He's at Tony Michael Johns 96.

Speaker 29 It's a great handle.

Speaker 11 It's a great handle.

Speaker 48 I think Cougar got a personalized one.

Speaker 11 Oh, cougar how lucky he signed it and everything so i have a feeling if you're nice to tony and you you request it he'll sign it can we find out what's going on with him

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Speaker 22 Yo, yo, what's going on, Pongers?

Speaker 23 What's up, TV?

Speaker 80 Yep.

Speaker 19 Oh, baby, come on.

Speaker 64 Hey, man.

Speaker 64 First of all,

Speaker 5 yeah, dude, how you doing?

Speaker 19 Joe, dog, I'm doing really good. Hey, bro, I got a whole bunch of donations.
Yes, sir. And I'm walking back to my place here with the little Caesars

Speaker 19 donation there. Yes, sir.
It's a pretzel pizza and some Italian crazy bread. Nice.
And oh, yo, Tom, there's been a lot of craziness going on out here, brother.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 65 Holy shit.

Speaker 22 So what's happened lately what's going on so

Speaker 19 um my uh landlord uh still don't have any keys to my building and my uh

Speaker 19 it's craziness brother and i asked my landlord and the the manager there uh scott chaplain james myers i asked them several times to give me keys They wouldn't give me no keys, man.

Speaker 19 And enough's enough. I needed to get in my building.
It's raining out here. It's snowing out here.

Speaker 34 Right.

Speaker 19 I ended up just having enough and just blowing down the whole door. Oh, shit.
Enough's enough. Yes, sir.
35 Market Street. Enough's enough.

Speaker 19 I blew down the whole fucker, and it's still a Monday, I believe.

Speaker 22 So how do you

Speaker 23 did you get in trouble for that?

Speaker 19 Yes, sir. I was arrested and charged with a criminal mischief.
Yes, sir.

Speaker 55 So how is

Speaker 44 what's what's the first of all for your housing?

Speaker 2 I assume you're in the process of being evicted, though, right?

Speaker 69 They're evicting you? Oh, yes, sir.

Speaker 19 Yep. So I go to court with these crazy guys on the 15th.

Speaker 83 And yes, sir.

Speaker 5 What's your angle going to be in court?

Speaker 42 What are you going to say when the judge says, hey, you're being evicted?

Speaker 76 Are you paying your rent?

Speaker 19 I'm an honest man. I'm a straight shooter.
See, like right now, Tom, I'm literally walking inside. You can walk in when you want to, and you can leave when you want to.

Speaker 19 There ain't no locks no more because I ain't got no keys, brother. So you can come in when you want and you can leave.
See, watch. See, I'm in the building now.

Speaker 6 So what will you tell the judge, though, that you can't pay?

Speaker 19 No, no i can pay it's just these guys have been treating me like garbage man right

Speaker 19 like i'm a good dude i was assaulted by both of these crazy men i was

Speaker 19 yeah that's insane yeah that's yeah no that's what i'm saying dude so that's why i'm not like paying rent dude because dude there there's there's been uh feces left on my door i don't know like dog poo or chocolate or some craziness And I just spazzed out and I had enough.

Speaker 19 And I said, no, enough's enough, you know, and then I was assaulted. And

Speaker 42 what are your plans if the judge orders you to leave the building?

Speaker 2 You have to go somewhere.

Speaker 25 Where are you going to go?

Speaker 22 Oh, yes, sir.

Speaker 19 To be honest, Tom,

Speaker 19 I'll be all right, man. I'll,

Speaker 19 you know what? They always keep the lights on at the Motel 6, sir.

Speaker 90 That's true.

Speaker 29 What about getting out of Auburn?

Speaker 66 What about just leaving Auburn for good?

Speaker 54 Ah,

Speaker 19 man, I like it out here, man. You know, even though

Speaker 19 it's a struggle, and I'm trying my hardest, Tom, I like it out here, man.

Speaker 76 Now, we were just telling our audience that another way to show support, a fan, you are selling these photos, right?

Speaker 44 You sell the photos.

Speaker 19 Oh, yes, sir. Yes, I really do like the photos.

Speaker 59 So, how do people get a photo?

Speaker 62 What's the process?

Speaker 19 Oh, yes, sir. So, you can either

Speaker 19 shoot me a buzz, you know, text me, call me,

Speaker 19 Instagram, DM, Facebook, DM.

Speaker 19 Yes, sir. I got them 20 of pop, sir, there, Tom.
Cash out Vimo. And, yeah, call me, text me.

Speaker 19 I'm here for you. You want a photo donation?

Speaker 19 You got it. Yes, yes, sir.

Speaker 3 Okay, and another way you're raising funds is we're trying to promote your OnlyFans, right?

Speaker 19 Yes, sir. Yep, yep.

Speaker 2 And you're doing a bunch of solo content right now?

Speaker 19 Oh, yes, sir, and I'm loving it, brother. Like, seriously, man, it's, it's,

Speaker 19 dude, like, it's, yes.

Speaker 33 Excellent. That's awesome.

Speaker 11 Well, I'm so proud of your hustle, Tony. I love that you're printing out these photos.
They're lovely, they're very high quality, and you sign them for the fans.

Speaker 11 You are just

Speaker 11 you're about to pop off, you really are with the Lexus and stuff like that.

Speaker 31 Oh, yeah, that's coming up.

Speaker 42 And before we get to that, though, because there's something I want to ask you about that, about the scene, um, what happened at Curly's?

Speaker 6 Why'd you get 86 for that?

Speaker 19 Oh, dude, so like, yo, it's crazy. So,

Speaker 19 oh, it's the craziest thing ever. So, I had a, you know, I had a few photos left.
Uh, yeah, And I,

Speaker 19 you know, there was a, there was a cutie, you know, tall, tall Brunette, a bartender. And what I ended up doing

Speaker 19 there, Tom and Christina, I ended up pinning my photo on the back there on the back wall. And it was me with the bandana and a hat.

Speaker 19 And, you know, because I have to keep my head warm, you know, it's winter time.

Speaker 63 Sure.

Speaker 19 But I just pinned a photo on the back there because there was a back there where it said like looking for like people pinning up their stuff like for work and you know like you know if they need laborers or whatnot you know there's there's just a you know board you can pin stuff up and uh i end up pinning pinning it up on the board going to the bathroom and coming back to watch the florida game it was an amazing game florida yes um and yeah i um

Speaker 19 she uh she took it like really really offensive she was like no we don't promote

Speaker 19 We don't promote OnlyFans. And I'm sitting back here like, whoa, what are you talking about? And I was trying to be honest, like, hey, that's that's that's a donation for your bar.

Speaker 19 My name's Tony Michael Johns. I don't know if you know me, you know, but I'm a good dude.
I'm just, I'm, I'm trying to get my name out here. I'm trying to, you know, do comedy skits.

Speaker 19 I'm trying to do, you know, I'm just trying to make an honest dollar, lady. Like, I'm giving this photo, and I signed my name on it for a donation.
And she said, oh, no. She said, oh, no, you're 86.

Speaker 19 And I said, whoa, what, what's going on? She's like, get out. And I said, yes, ma'am.
I ended up just walking. I said, hey.
And then, you know, a few hours later,

Speaker 19 I was at

Speaker 19 another local pub there.

Speaker 19 A.T. Wally's, you know, just kicking back, relaxing, because I was in shock.
I was like, yo, I just gave this lady a free $20, you know, donation photo there. And

Speaker 19 she 86ed me out the bar. I'm like, yo, I was just watching, you know, it's craziness.

Speaker 12 That's terrible.

Speaker 64 That's crazy. Now.

Speaker 61 Did she reach out later?

Speaker 19 Yes, sir. Yep, yep.
So a few hours later, I was at A.T. Wally's and she ended up calling me.
And,

Speaker 19 you know, she probably did a research on me then, like, looked me up and whatnot.

Speaker 19 She really did. She was like, hey, I'm very, very sorry, Tony Michael Jones.
You know, you called me the ladies, man.

Speaker 22 And she said, oh, yeah.

Speaker 19 She was like, yo, I, you, you know, you're not 86th anymore. I really appreciate you, you know,

Speaker 19 just because I try to do my best, you know, just, you know, with, you know, I just, I don't know, like, I didn't want to, I wasn't trying to offend anybody. and it's like, you know, like,

Speaker 19 super nice lady, you know, she said, hey, you can come back anytime, you know, grab a soda, you know, is what I usually get when I go to these bars. I party sober now, Tom.
Sure.

Speaker 33 Yes, sir. Yeah.

Speaker 22 Wait, are you doing

Speaker 11 cameos now?

Speaker 19 Yes, ma'am. Yes, Christina.
Yes. Oh, yes, ma'am.
And I'm loving those too.

Speaker 11 That's great.

Speaker 77 How much is cameo?

Speaker 19 So I got them 18 a pop, but I um, I like giving, you know, discounts. They're like 10 bucks right now, 10 bucks.

Speaker 33 That's great.

Speaker 11 So, if somebody wants to wish somebody else happy birthday or good luck,

Speaker 11 you can have Tony Johns do it on cameo.

Speaker 67 That's amazing.

Speaker 33 That is pretty cool.

Speaker 19 Oh, yes. How you been, though, Christina?

Speaker 11 I'm good. Thanks for asking, sweetie.
We're just, you know, again, I'm so proud of you and your hustle here printing these photos of yourself. And I think your future is very bright.

Speaker 11 You just stay out of trouble, though, okay?

Speaker 19 Yes, ma'am. Yeah, I can't get arrested anymore.

Speaker 28 No, don't get arrested.

Speaker 11 Don't get arrested.

Speaker 65 Also,

Speaker 66 everybody is thinking literally every day about your upcoming scene with Alexis Fox and wondering, how do you feel about

Speaker 4 this kind of,

Speaker 3 you know, law enforcement scenario, right? Where you're being arrested, she's the arresting officer, she's taking you back to get fingerprinted and strip searched and everything.

Speaker 64 And then

Speaker 7 her boss, her sergeant, Officer Cum Dump, walks in and he orders her to do a more thorough search.

Speaker 19 Yes, sir. I am 100% game.
Strip me down, take my boots, and do it.

Speaker 19 Yes, yes, sir. Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 69 All right, cool.

Speaker 19 Strip me, strip me.

Speaker 53 Yeah, yeah. And you're cool if

Speaker 26 this actor, RPC,

Speaker 84 joins the scene, right?

Speaker 3 Like, he's.

Speaker 19 Oh, yes. Oh, I would love that.

Speaker 33 Oh, awesome. Okay.

Speaker 33 He's a little bit more.

Speaker 70 Yes, sir. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 19 Take my boots, strip me, strip me down.

Speaker 28 Wow.

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Okay, cool.

Speaker 23 Well, we're going to actually

Speaker 44 check in with him and see if we can tie all this together, okay?

Speaker 19 Oh, yes, please. Yo.

Speaker 53 All right. This is amazing.

Speaker 2 Hey, stay out of trouble, Tony.

Speaker 53 Yes, please. Yes, sir.

Speaker 19 Thank you

Speaker 19 for the buzz, Tom. Thanks for coming.

Speaker 33 Absolutely.

Speaker 65 Of course. We'll talk to you soon.

Speaker 22 Bye. Yes, sir.
Thank you. Okay, bye-bye.

Speaker 60 Bye, guys.

Speaker 11 I think a cameo with Tony Jones would be amazing.

Speaker 12 That's a great way.

Speaker 11 That's a great way for him to make some scratch. A lot easier than OnlyFans, too, even.

Speaker 30 Yeah, because you don't have to come.

Speaker 11 You can take your peanut out. You can make those anywhere in public.

Speaker 80 Yeah, that's so cool.

Speaker 11 So, guys, get your cameos.

Speaker 11 Order the photos, I think.

Speaker 6 Let's do a quick pee break.

Speaker 11 Oh, you got a whiz? Okay, you gotta whiz. Okay, okay.

Speaker 11 Anyway, I wanted to plug. Mother's Day is just around the corner.
What better gift to get her than Christina Christina P

Speaker 11 lipstick? Go to ChristinaP.com. I suggest just getting all four in one pop.
Order it now so that you make sure to get it by Mother's Day. Celebrate your mom.

Speaker 57 Celebrate your mom.

Speaker 80 Celebrate your mommy something.

Speaker 29 Get your mom something.

Speaker 11 I am wearing the perfect red right now, and it really is a love power factor.

Speaker 34 It's great.

Speaker 22 I love that.

Speaker 48 Got a cool clip to show you.

Speaker 22 Oh, good.

Speaker 11 Let's party.

Speaker 90 I'm straight. I'm dating Lady Boy, and I don't think I'm gay.
I'm attracted to Ginny. She looks like a woman.
She's very beautiful. She's very feminine.
How does it make me gay?

Speaker 70 How about that's a good question.

Speaker 90 I feel like in 2025 there are two types of women. There is woman with a and woman with a same skin.

Speaker 93 And it's the same tissue.

Speaker 90 It's just different form of the same thing.

Speaker 90 Woman different level.

Speaker 33 She's different

Speaker 90 to me and that's how I see her. It's part of you and I love you and I love every part of you.

Speaker 93 And you know what? You don't need to answer anyone. People just curious because they're jealous.

Speaker 22 Did you hear any?

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 15 And her Eddie through the wall.

Speaker 11 now What are you feeling when you watch that?

Speaker 49 That's fucking sheo. She ain't even trying to do the trans voice.
She's just letting it rip.

Speaker 29 But be honest, if this was no, no, no.

Speaker 31 If this was videos showing a different context and you're just seeing her, you don't know right away.

Speaker 59 Like she does present.

Speaker 49 Let me see again.

Speaker 29 She's here. Hold on.

Speaker 21 Let me see the full body.

Speaker 49 I mean, titty's small.

Speaker 22 It's kind of a

Speaker 80 red flag.

Speaker 3 But you're seeing her right there.

Speaker 55 That doesn't scream.

Speaker 22 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 48 I'll give it to her. Yeah.

Speaker 40 You just, you don't know.

Speaker 49 But as soon as she talked, talking about, oh,

Speaker 15 damn,

Speaker 48 what the fuck?

Speaker 44 This is a, that's what I so appreciated when Jim Norton was here.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 7 And he was just like, well, I'm definitely like, you can't call me straight.

Speaker 29 Right.

Speaker 43 You know?

Speaker 11 He admits that it's, I think the problem with

Speaker 11 this is that they're trying to convince you that A, if you're not into trans men, women, whatever, you're homophobic. Yeah.
If you're not transphobic. Transphobic, sorry, yes.

Speaker 33 Transphobic.

Speaker 11 And that you should,

Speaker 11 this should be presented a certain way. It's like, no, maybe not, but

Speaker 60 you can fuck whatever you want. Sure.

Speaker 11 I don't have to be convinced that you're straight or no.

Speaker 29 I don't care.

Speaker 42 The thing that somebody always says in this situation is like, you don't have to answer to anybody, okay?

Speaker 75 Whatever you like is what you,

Speaker 29 okay. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Yeah, because you can just say you like this. It doesn't matter.
Yeah. No one cares.

Speaker 42 But he does say the thing that I hear, I think Jim reiterated it: he's not attracted to a male presenting man, he doesn't, you know what I mean?

Speaker 40 He doesn't find a man attractive, correct?

Speaker 32 He likes this situation, though, sure, with a dong, with a dick, yeah.

Speaker 11 There's just a dick, it's just it's not a deal-breaker, exactly.

Speaker 59 That's that's the thing: is like if I described a woman to you, Annie,

Speaker 79 and I was like,

Speaker 43 you know, whatever, she's slim, she's got beautiful hair, tits.

Speaker 45 Is the dick a deal-breaker?

Speaker 11 what yes is a deal breaker i don't understand the question hold on what if i'm me tom i'm me yeah we have 20 years together and just one day i wake up and i've got a dick yeah

Speaker 25 i'll tell you the truth what i'll tell you the truth okay you get your own room you get another you get a room and you get to live there

Speaker 84 And I want the kids to have you around.

Speaker 11 You want the kids to have me around?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't want you to leave because we have kids.

Speaker 80 We have have children.

Speaker 11 Yeah. What if you just do butt sex? But do we stop having sex entirely?

Speaker 3 I think with your dick we do.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 That's the end of it.

Speaker 42 I guess we start fisting. I'll start fisting.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 11 You can be a fist pig. Yeah.

Speaker 33 What's wrong with you?

Speaker 59 Just make you prolapse.

Speaker 79 Yeah.

Speaker 26 Perforate your colon.

Speaker 11 Well, if you woke up with a badge, that would be a problem.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 25 For me, too. Some people it's not a problem for.

Speaker 36 You know, this

Speaker 11 would be hairy and

Speaker 11 hairy and gross. Your badge would be so unruly.

Speaker 2 Unkey. Because we love these videos when somebody goes, like, hey, cutie.

Speaker 11 Oh, I love these. Yeah.

Speaker 40 And then this one, you could tell it was just like he started.

Speaker 2 Hey, cutie.

Speaker 30 He was just trying it on someone, but you could tell this took a turn that the guy doing the kind of prank didn't expect.

Speaker 94 You're going to keep playing iTag, or you're going to holler at your boy.

Speaker 21 Huh?

Speaker 94 You're going to keep playing iTag, or you're going to holler at your boy, sexy.

Speaker 95 You consider me sexy.

Speaker 21 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 95 Yeah, well, I am.

Speaker 94 You want to take a bite of me? Take a big boy for a ride?

Speaker 95 I don't think my ass could handle you.

Speaker 73 Probably well, huh?

Speaker 94 Mm-hmm. You could handle me right up, huh?

Speaker 95 Yeah, I probably could, dude.

Speaker 21 Hold on.

Speaker 94 Mm-hmm. You wanna try?

Speaker 95 You do?

Speaker 41 You're a policeman, right?

Speaker 94 I'm not a police. I'm just a sexy man looking for a freak off.

Speaker 94 Oh.

Speaker 95 How many inches you got down there?

Speaker 26 Ten.

Speaker 95 No shit.

Speaker 26 Ten.

Speaker 95 Yep.

Speaker 94 All right. You have a good one.

Speaker 60 Sexy.

Speaker 22 Hang on.

Speaker 73 Oh, oh,

Speaker 95 I don't have any money if you're expecting to get money.

Speaker 22 Oh, no.

Speaker 95 Are you expecting to get this button?

Speaker 11 He really took him up on it.

Speaker 70 It's the first time.

Speaker 52 I've never seen it turn like that.

Speaker 35 Never.

Speaker 23 Usually the guys are like, what?

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 53 They laugh or something.

Speaker 85 This guy just went right to.

Speaker 24 What do you got down there?

Speaker 54 Dang.

Speaker 29 He doesn't look gay at all.

Speaker 48 It's not like.

Speaker 11 Right? Would you have guessed that he was down for dudes?

Speaker 31 No, that's why he approached him.

Speaker 2 Not at all.

Speaker 37 He's approaching people that he thinks are going to be like, what's your name?

Speaker 11 Like dads.

Speaker 11 No one's told these dads that they're attractive.

Speaker 80 Right.

Speaker 39 So it's another guy telling dad,

Speaker 21 you're such a cutie.

Speaker 35 And they're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 11 And it's like the daddest of the dads that he usually approaches.

Speaker 6 Which that guy had total dad vibes.

Speaker 65 Yeah.

Speaker 41 But he's like, I'm going to straight up fucking he turned his cart he's like whoa i don't have any money but if you're yeah

Speaker 55 he followed him and then he starts following him and then this guy's gotta be like i'm just with you which is terrible yeah because he's like i'm all fired up bro what's up which is terrible how many well it's terrible it's a catastrophe it is he got that guy all that guy has such a dopamine drip going right now for somebody telling him like hey this could you know what i mean it's like he's so excited and then we don't see the rest of this of how the guy who's recording goes like, hey, man, I'm just fucking around.

Speaker 32 I'm just making a funny, I just did it for shits and goodbyes.

Speaker 11 Dude, I know.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Broke his heart, man. Broke his heart.

Speaker 33 Broke that old man.

Speaker 11 I know he's got his Christmas cards in there and everything.

Speaker 21 His old gay heart just broken.

Speaker 22 It's not cool. Hey, Tom.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 Speaking of deal breakers, you know, we play this game. Like, I'm me, I'm everything me.
But, but what if I had this one thing about me? Yeah.

Speaker 11 What would you do?

Speaker 22 Right. Okay.

Speaker 11 What if I'm me? You're you. we have our life, 20 years of history,

Speaker 11 but I've decided I'm a nudist.

Speaker 11 So that means like on the weekends when we're all hanging out, I'm nude. If your mother comes over, your sister, you're just like, she's nude.
What am I going to do?

Speaker 58 Here's the truth. I think I'd get used to it, but I'd be really fucking annoyed by it.

Speaker 3 And I would tell you, I'd be like, you can't do it.

Speaker 33 It's fucking.

Speaker 38 It's like Burt putting something on Instagram.

Speaker 36 I'd be like, could you fucking just not for today?

Speaker 11 Just stop sharing everything. Yeah.

Speaker 32 Just, can you just live your life?

Speaker 27 Can you wear clothes today, please?

Speaker 11 But what if I was... Okay, so what if I'm a nudist and then I also decided to free bleed? And it's my period of time.

Speaker 35 That's what I do.

Speaker 22 Now we're having a bad time.

Speaker 11 But I'm a nudist.

Speaker 11 Would this be a deal breaker for you?

Speaker 31 It'd be a lot more time alone.

Speaker 35 A lot more time alone.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 42 I'd be like, I know what's happening this week.

Speaker 84 Call me next week.

Speaker 66 I don't want to be around for your free bleed, and I don't want you to be nude when my family comes over.

Speaker 11 But they'd get used to it.

Speaker 11 Your mom and your sister?

Speaker 22 They'd be totally used to it.

Speaker 11 I'm a woman. They don't care.
I think they would. I wish you would become a nudist.
How funny would that be? We have like people over for dinner.

Speaker 29 Hello, guys.

Speaker 20 And you're like, that's my house, my son.

Speaker 11 Like, could you put a towel down before you sit on the furniture, please?

Speaker 33 It's my house. I like to sit like this.

Speaker 39 You see, like, my dick just tuck into my ball bag.

Speaker 42 There's no sexual arousal.

Speaker 32 It's just like all flaccid, soft.

Speaker 11 That is the weird thing about nudists is that they just live their life without clothing so they're not in a state of arousal they're not in a state of doing anything has nothing to do with like sex

Speaker 73 live free and this is the way we were put on this earth that's so gross i was noticing

Speaker 37 how whenever i'm with bert there's always someone who's like hey can i take my shirt off and burt's always like

Speaker 52 and so whenever someone takes their shirt off you see like abrasions and like scars and stuff and I'm always like put your fucking shirt back on man of course you don't realize how much the shirt saves that for you know i mean i was like

Speaker 11 are you kidding my body too like no think of all the scarring and the you know injuries people you get over the years i'm just talking about

Speaker 11 bad skin and like ingrown hairs and stuff i'm like dude fucking put your shirt back on this is disgusting um what if i well hold on i'm not done playing the game wins yet okay so nudist yay or nay i want you to really take it no i don't like it but you'd stay with me i guess i would stay with you but I would have a new problem with you.

Speaker 68 Yeah.

Speaker 22 A new problem. Yeah.

Speaker 11 It's annoying. It's super annoying.
It's super annoying, but it's not a deal breaker is what you're saying.

Speaker 45 Social life would be really affected.

Speaker 12 Keep going.

Speaker 25 Very affected. What's your next one? Okay.

Speaker 11 What if I become a super environmentalist, where it's to the point where, like,

Speaker 11 hey, we have dinner plans tonight. We're going to drive over to our friend's house.
They live 10 minutes away. And I say shit like, babe, you know how I feel about wasting fossil fuels in the car.

Speaker 42 Honestly, this bothers me more than the nudist.

Speaker 11 Environmental. If you drive, I'm going to bicycle there.
It's going to take about an hour. I'll meet you there and then I'll bicycle home.

Speaker 11 If we have to record the podcast, it's going to take me like two hours to bike here. No.

Speaker 32 And I go home and there's no toilet paper and you're like, well, it's just such a waste.

Speaker 11 We use the family towel.

Speaker 11 Why don't you use a family rag?

Speaker 38 Yeah, no, those are grounds for.

Speaker 11 Those are grounds for dismissal?

Speaker 43 I think separation, at least.

Speaker 22 Wow.

Speaker 11 And, like, I don't hound you about your choices, but I'm constantly going through the trash, separating out the plastics and the compost.

Speaker 22 This is not appealing.

Speaker 12 This is not appealing.

Speaker 22 Isn't that the worst?

Speaker 37 I mean, someone who's like that

Speaker 37 I can barely spend five minutes with, so I can't imagine living with them.

Speaker 42 So you can do that shit somewhere else.

Speaker 61 We do that thing where we're just neighbors.

Speaker 39 We're like, you're just going to move next door and do all your bullshit.

Speaker 11 We buy the house next door.

Speaker 11 I think Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton did that at one point. They just had houses next door to each other because they would coach.

Speaker 53 They're both pretty crazy.

Speaker 11 They're both absolutely, probably insane. Well, you could do that, okay? Okay.

Speaker 22 Thanks.

Speaker 42 Here, I'm really excited.

Speaker 35 One more. I want to move on.

Speaker 42 I'm really excited.

Speaker 37 This is one of the segments we played last week, but he wasn't even here for it.

Speaker 45 This is the segment I like to call Ennie's Inner Thoughts.

Speaker 69 Oh.

Speaker 43 So here we go with one of Ennie's Inner Thoughts.

Speaker 91 It is so crazy

Speaker 91 when you ever smash smashed a girl, right? Got talked off with something,

Speaker 91 got throated, and then

Speaker 91 she already made it clear that she got a man or something. They kind of like on some breakup shit or whatever.
And then you go ahead and hit it and fuck with it, right?

Speaker 91 And then, like, you will see her in the streets or in the store somewhere with an old boy, with a man.

Speaker 91 Why do that shit make you want to smash her? Be like, next time I get, I'm going to just really

Speaker 15 flexing those tails.

Speaker 29 Hell yeah.

Speaker 11 See you flexing.

Speaker 49 I was going to get mad, honestly, but the more I hear it, actually, this is kind of exactly what I'm talking about.

Speaker 79 I'm kind of mad that you're as accurate as you are.

Speaker 85 That's awesome, dude.

Speaker 7 I've been watching this guy for a couple months now.

Speaker 58 He's so cool.

Speaker 91 It makes you want to smash him worse

Speaker 91 more,

Speaker 91 harder, longer. Keep him longer.

Speaker 91 Ride her hard. Put her up wet.

Speaker 73 Hell yeah.

Speaker 91 Like, I don't know, like, you appreciate it more when you see, you see somebody that you know they got a mate and shit, especially when you see them with the mate and you know you didn't smash, then you want to smash again you'll be like damn when she gonna come back through

Speaker 57 what do you think any

Speaker 49 yeah i really it upsets me now i don't like seeing it from this perspective yeah i'm usually the dude saying stupid like this and now that i see it it's very uncomfortable but um yeah no that's that's true like uh

Speaker 49 uh the last time i was at i was dancing with some girl and then her dude like pulled her closer to him or whatever was like yo like she's mine you know type shit yeah it's like i'm a hundred percent fucking your bitch now tonight tonight i mean i tell you this and he's in there.

Speaker 22 100%.

Speaker 49 Like, you did not fucking say, oh, this is my like, I wasn't gonna fuck with her anyway. Like, we were just dancing, relax.
But you're gonna make it a fucking thing. And what did you do?

Speaker 31 Did you end up going home with her?

Speaker 12 Hell yeah, I fucking did.

Speaker 12 Hell yeah.

Speaker 12 Hold on.

Speaker 11 That was a long time ago though. You're not afraid that that guy's gonna find you and you're gonna fight somebody.

Speaker 15 And do what?

Speaker 11 Fight you, fight you?

Speaker 11 Be like, kill you, come with a gun to your fucking house. Do it.

Speaker 22 Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 44 This is a, what's his handle?

Speaker 26 Shit.

Speaker 29 Shit what

Speaker 46 shit liker for real on God on underscore God he likes to say on God oh shit.

Speaker 27 Oh shit shit talker for real Oh shit talker for real on God

Speaker 29 Okay, yeah, he definitely yeah

Speaker 91 definitely is tell me this why is it a girl is your dream girl until you smell her take a shit?

Speaker 15 Oh my god

Speaker 91 you'd be like oh she ain't that fine

Speaker 91 it takes away a lot

Speaker 92 A lot.

Speaker 91 Tell me I'm lying. Tell me I'm capping.

Speaker 91 You smelled your girl take a big shit before?

Speaker 11 Have you smelled me take a shit?

Speaker 67 Not really. Have you smelled it?

Speaker 84 Not really.

Speaker 11 Here he is. How is he smelling the big shit?

Speaker 3 Shit talker for real underscore on God.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's a great handle.

Speaker 36 Yeah, he puts out content a lot.

Speaker 22 Good for him.

Speaker 11 He's very good, though.

Speaker 33 I like his thoughts.

Speaker 76 Yeah, here's another one of any thoughts right here.

Speaker 91 No matter how much we do for a woman, no matter how much we give them hoes, them 304s, them thoughts,

Speaker 91 it'll never be enough.

Speaker 91 They can't even give themselves enough.

Speaker 91 They're never content. They never satisfied.

Speaker 84 They're never thankful. They're never grateful.

Speaker 91 They never appreciate shit.

Speaker 91 If they do, that shit wear off.

Speaker 11 Is that true, Annie?

Speaker 49 Nah, that one's kept.

Speaker 12 Okay, oh shit. Professor.

Speaker 11 Tell me why.

Speaker 49 I mean, I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that this nigga's very unhealthy and toxic to be around.

Speaker 15 You know,

Speaker 49 not a good vibe, that's what I say.

Speaker 49 And then he considers like answering a fucking phone call, being like, I do so much for you, bitch. Like, I was so busy, I answered that phone.
Yeah, you went, you don't like me no more?

Speaker 29 Like, damn, bro.

Speaker 22 Bearing in that type shit.

Speaker 2 Okay, so there's, I mean, there's a little bit of balance here in any.

Speaker 11 I see what you're saying because this guy reminds me, this guy shares my father's philosophies in many ways.

Speaker 22 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 49 Like, I think this is my father. Yeah.

Speaker 15 I think it is.

Speaker 11 And you and I have the same dad. We might be related anyway.

Speaker 11 But this is exactly my father. What you're saying about like, oh, come on, man, I called you, didn't I? Like, didn't I fucking show up last weekend? Didn't we talk this week? Like, same.

Speaker 11 I think he's on to something. What do you want? Like, in my dad's mind, just showing up is a big deal.
Or like calling a bitch back is a big deal.

Speaker 11 Like, you're lucky I even graced you with my presence.

Speaker 49 That's a classic move. You make them think that bare minimum is you putting effort out.
Yeah, that's when they are not appreciative because you're doing nothing.

Speaker 12 You're just like, Yeah, I called you yesterday.

Speaker 49 Why the fuck aren't you on my dick? What do you mean?

Speaker 22 Yeah, what?

Speaker 11 But then, on the other hand,

Speaker 91 I always lie to them right off rail. Shit, I'm broke.
So, as soon as before they start the shit, I'm broke. I'm unemployed.
Now, let's start right there. We can build on that shit.

Speaker 11 Yeah, this is definitely my father.

Speaker 49 Yeah, same.

Speaker 11 A thousand, yeah.

Speaker 31 He's got some other good ones.

Speaker 15 Yeah, this is my dad.

Speaker 11 He's got some good ones.

Speaker 91 Why y'all being sweet to a bitch and all kind and nice and trying to figure out and shit?

Speaker 91 Y'all trying to tell her what you think she wants to hear. I tell that bitch what she don't want to hear.
Ho, you are fucking replaceable.

Speaker 91 Replaceable than a motherfucker because I'm fucking him, bitch. Fuck going on with you.
You're replaceable. Yep.
You're not special. You're not unique.
You can't count on me. I'm not reliable.

Speaker 91 You can't depend on me. And I can't count on you.
And you're not reliable. And I can't depend on you.

Speaker 22 I'm broke,

Speaker 49 but why don't they appreciate me?

Speaker 22 Yeah,

Speaker 11 and then I don't know if your dad does this, but does he get really flattered when they start to get crazy and obsessive?

Speaker 11 Because, like, he'll fuck with these women enough that they'll start going crazy. Oh,

Speaker 11 and then, but he's kind of like, she's so into me. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Like, he kind of likes it.

Speaker 11 He loves it. Yeah.

Speaker 49 Like, my, my dad definitely does, but he would never show it. Like, you just, I just know because I know him, but he he would never be like, oh, yeah, I like when you do that shit.

Speaker 11 No, he didn't say that. My dad will be like, oh, my God.
Can you believe how much she's so into me? Oh, God. Like, please get off my dick.
Yeah. It's so annoying.

Speaker 38 She showed up in the night and she had the knife in her hands.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Or like, or like

Speaker 11 if a woman would threaten suicide over him, he's very secretly flattered by it. Can you believe it? She's going to kill herself for that.

Speaker 12 That is so sad.

Speaker 70 It's not sad.

Speaker 33 I hope she doesn't care.

Speaker 55 Doesn't care. I guess I have this effect on the women.

Speaker 11 That's exactly the thinking. That's exactly the thinking.
Because, right, the broken bitches that this guy is going to attract are totally on that.

Speaker 7 Oh, they're definitely going to play the game.

Speaker 21 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 21 The nice thing is, this guy has an endless well of these, and we will be playing them every week.

Speaker 64 Now, I know you've been missing it.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 29 How about some TikToks? Oh, man.

Speaker 69 Finally, dude. Finally, dude.
I love it.

Speaker 22 Finally.

Speaker 12 Here we go.

Speaker 74 The best drink would probably be Sprike with a snack. And then all of a sudden, you just let a big monster burp rip.

Speaker 74 My name is Kimberly Winter.

Speaker 74 And I hold the world record for the women's loudest burp. I've always been told that I was the loudest burper anyone's ever heard.

Speaker 74 One time I got kicked out of a bar just for one burp.

Speaker 70 A lot of people are disgusted at the dinner table.

Speaker 74 My mom hated when I burped.

Speaker 74 But I started recording my burps on TikTok and it really took off.

Speaker 36 The music is unbelievable.

Speaker 20 This is the best.

Speaker 67 This is my favorite.

Speaker 31 This is like an Olympian.

Speaker 84 I just like I worked harder and I got up at four in the morning and I trained.

Speaker 74 A lot of my fans like me to burp their name.

Speaker 74 My audience grew really fast so just be yourself because you never know how many people out there are gonna enjoy you for just being you

Speaker 11 So triumphant Annie, you didn't like that either.

Speaker 38 I could tell

Speaker 49 like who the fuck nobody does man

Speaker 11 I love this Kimberly we've been DMing yeah listen here's the deal man she reminds me a lot of who my cousin Jeanette oh for sure this is a type type of girl.

Speaker 59 Jeanette burps like this.

Speaker 11 Of course. And so was Kiffany in my high school.
There was a girl named Kiffany who could flip. Yeah, I know it was weird.
Tiffany the K. You give her a Dr.
Pepper and she could burp the alphabet.

Speaker 11 There's just a special girl. in one every thousand million that that is this and can't really we've been dming i love her so much this is such a talent she went on america's got talent yeah

Speaker 11 and was like i'm gonna sing a lady gaga song and then she starts singing She's like, oh my god, excuse me. And then she started ripping and ripping and ripping.
It's really funny. She's very funny.

Speaker 11 I love you, Can't really. I asked her to do some videos, but then we lost touch because I went to England.

Speaker 96 TikTok is getting banned in the U.S., so I made Christina P. And there's one last final thank you TikTok video for all the curations you've done over the past few years.
Thank you.

Speaker 11 We love you. I love you.

Speaker 96 Keep them high and tight.

Speaker 28 Enjoy.

Speaker 28 Perfect red.

Speaker 11 Hey, can you? Heather needs to trim this up for my socials. We got this Mother's Day stuff coming up.

Speaker 7 I don't know if this is going to have the same effect.

Speaker 18 She looks great in Atomic Red.

Speaker 6 Yeah, she looks great.

Speaker 61 I don't know if this is going to promote sales the way you think it will.

Speaker 60 I love it. I don't care.

Speaker 11 She's so talented.

Speaker 70 Oh, she looks great in her. Kimberly.

Speaker 22 Kimberly. that was pretty great.

Speaker 11 Kimberly, hero.

Speaker 29 Oh, you know. She's very pretty, too.

Speaker 11 She's stunning. She's talented.
What can't she do? I mean, not. She's out there

Speaker 11 being herself. I love it.

Speaker 68 Oh, Kimberly.

Speaker 40 Way to go, Kimberly.

Speaker 15 We're doing you too.

Speaker 11 All these women out there are like, I'm myself. I'm just out here slaying and being myself.
But Kimberly's really doing it. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Manuel.

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 60 bet I saw.

Speaker 11 Yeah. And they're not.
They're just pretending to be like the hot girl. Kimberly 100% is herself.

Speaker 60 I love it.

Speaker 11 It's my kind of gal.

Speaker 22 Remember. Remember.

Speaker 9 Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 We played that.

Speaker 11 The pelt that you can make your Bolden Retriever into a pelt. This person stuffed their chihuahua.
It's been on their fireplace mantle since 2010.

Speaker 21 Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 11 It's all creepy.

Speaker 22 He's freaking me out. I don't like it.

Speaker 80 Why not? Because it's their dead dog.

Speaker 67 I don't like it.

Speaker 60 I've collected my fingernails for six years, and here's why.

Speaker 97 Back in 2019, I decided to start biting my fingernails and then keeping them in a Ziploc bag that I put inside my desk drawer, just in case.

Speaker 97 Then when I removed in 2020, I started keeping them in this little jar. Now, there's a lot of misinformation about fingernails.
It's actually better to keep them in a jar instead of a bag.

Speaker 11 Every couple weeks, I'd let my nails grow out, bite them off,

Speaker 97 my teeth, and then put them in the jar. Ever since I started doing this, I've never once had a nail biting session where they didn't go into the jar.
Every single nail is accounted for.

Speaker 15 Even when I've had to travel, I'd pack a small-sized nail bottle and keep them in there.

Speaker 97 Once I return home, I'd add them to the jar.

Speaker 22 Everyone in my life asked me what I'm doing.

Speaker 97 The answer is simple. As you can see, every single nail is very white and clean, like bone.

Speaker 22 Bones.

Speaker 97 Like bones. Got it.

Speaker 60 Got it.

Speaker 97 There's absolutely never any dirt dirt on that.

Speaker 29 My eyes are watering.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it's because he bites the

Speaker 11 owner's heart.

Speaker 5 Here's the interesting thing, though.

Speaker 52 Isn't it interesting how

Speaker 84 the nail in and of itself on his finger as it's attached to him, you just go, whatever.

Speaker 38 The idea of removing it and collecting it started to make me feel nauseous.

Speaker 11 I don't like that clip, like that image of it dangling, but he's nibbled it and it's dangling. It's going to go in the jar.
It's

Speaker 42 the jar makes me want to throw the fuck up

Speaker 22 fingernails ever.

Speaker 20 I'm not going to ugly name.

Speaker 65 He didn't say why, though.

Speaker 62 What's the why?

Speaker 11 I don't know. Garbage tickler or anything.

Speaker 97 I'm pretty hygienic. And as you can see, the jar is getting pretty full.

Speaker 29 So

Speaker 97 I've got to keep needing to upgrade size.

Speaker 79 So it's just a never-ending collection.

Speaker 11 Wait, is that a deal breaker if I start keeping it?

Speaker 12 Fuck yes.

Speaker 32 That's disgusting. I don't want that.

Speaker 24 No.

Speaker 11 You know, in Indian culture, it's bad.

Speaker 11 I can't even look at this. You should not keep your nail clippings.
My Indian stepdad used to burn his in the fireplace. It's just believed it's bad luck to leave parts of your body laying around.

Speaker 11 It's like bad spirits will take it or something.

Speaker 33 I'm really. You don't want to do that.
You don't want to do that.

Speaker 20 So good. I'm not even known.

Speaker 73 That guy looks like Bert.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 61 This is seriously Bert's next video, Lane.

Speaker 11 This is what he shares.

Speaker 22 He's always sharing everything.

Speaker 38 You know what he did at dinner?

Speaker 38 We're at a steakhouse,

Speaker 79 and he's like, I'm keto, but I just got off keto.

Speaker 41 I'm like, you're keto?

Speaker 40 And they put a big thing of bread out of the oven, warm bread and butter.

Speaker 71 He's like,

Speaker 6 I guess I'm going to fuck off keto tonight.

Speaker 34 I'm like, uh-huh.

Speaker 32 And he cuts a big piece of butter, puts the butter in his mouth,

Speaker 40 and then takes the bread.

Speaker 11 I'm going to throw up.

Speaker 11 That's the stupidest way anybody's ever eaten.

Speaker 33 I feel sick.

Speaker 91 And before you move my breathing, I have an incurable lung disease.

Speaker 98 That's also a bird thing.

Speaker 73 Holy shit.

Speaker 65 It's just you eating toast? That's the video?

Speaker 11 Well, I am there. I think there's Marmite on there or Vegemite.

Speaker 34 What?

Speaker 91 I don't love my toast.

Speaker 11 Oh, no, it's just butter.

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 11 But who doesn't like bread with butter? No, it's like. Talking about toast and butter is like the best thing in the world.

Speaker 31 I think you could just make a video saying, I love toast with bread and with butter.

Speaker 6 I don't think you need to do this and listen to your incurable fucking lung disease.

Speaker 35 God.

Speaker 15 Oh, nonsense.

Speaker 11 Yeah, this guy is fucking ripped.

Speaker 12 He's fucking badass.

Speaker 11 Yeah, he is.

Speaker 73 Hell yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 98 That's just freaking taste.

Speaker 98 You don't show everybody everything.

Speaker 50 This is something Ellis could do.

Speaker 22 For sure.

Speaker 11 This guy is perfect.

Speaker 45 Hey, I need this video. Can you send me this video?

Speaker 29 Thank you. For what, my kids?

Speaker 59 No, I'm just going to share it with some people.

Speaker 32 With people? Just people, man. Friends.

Speaker 11 By the way, our sons found nunchucks at the toy store. And I was like, this is...
That's the beginning of the day.

Speaker 11 I go, listen, if this hits my head or one of your heads or the cat's head, anybody's fucking head, I'm taking them away. So far, so good.

Speaker 26 Yeah, because they're like the styrofoam ones.

Speaker 11 Still, you can still fuck each other because they're swinging them over their heads, and it's going to go down. They're going to fuck up our house with this fucking shit.

Speaker 79 I love, by the way, that every day now.

Speaker 39 Stupid nine children. When I get home, our nine-year-old boy takes his shirt off, and he's like, He goes, Look at me, dude.

Speaker 39 He goes, Look at my traps.

Speaker 11 He goes, Look at my biceps. So jabbed.

Speaker 24 And I go, Yeah, you look good.

Speaker 37 He goes, I'm going to be so fucking jacked in high school.

Speaker 21 Yeah, dude, for sure, man.

Speaker 11 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
He got the crazies. I don't even know why I panic so hard.

Speaker 74 It's okay.

Speaker 54 It's just hair.

Speaker 19 I mean, no, it's not.

Speaker 60 Are you ready? It's not.

Speaker 22 It is just hair.

Speaker 92 Can I cry about it first?

Speaker 72 Totally.

Speaker 89 Okay. Yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 72 Are you feeling good about it?

Speaker 54 I'm crossing the process. Okay.
You ready?

Speaker 11 I know if I leave with the same haircut up hat, I'm going to be disappointed in myself.

Speaker 54 And it's like time to do something new. Yeah.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 89 Everything's fine and we're all fine.

Speaker 54 We're all doing great.

Speaker 89 We're all doing great and everything's fine.

Speaker 19 I won't take offense.

Speaker 11 She should cry now. That's bad.
She definitely shouldn't have touched the hair. They shouldn't have touched the hair.
That's a bad choice. Look how disappointed they are.

Speaker 45 She was deeply traumatized by a

Speaker 22 haircut appointment.

Speaker 11 Was that... What do you think is the story?

Speaker 15 I don't know.

Speaker 30 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe there's like some social anxiety or something going on.

Speaker 11 I don't know, but definitely they made a bad choice with this haircut.

Speaker 41 Well, the haircut's terrible.

Speaker 26 Whoever did the haircut should get a bad review.

Speaker 42 But I was more interested in the fact that she was just

Speaker 35 traumatized by a haircut appointment.

Speaker 7 But maybe she's just deeply troubled, mentally ill.

Speaker 11 Maybe.

Speaker 38 I mean, maybe that's what we're dealing with.

Speaker 11 No, that's not it.

Speaker 31 Most people don't sit down in a hair, in a chair for a haircut and go, hold on a fucking sec.

Speaker 44 Like, it's just, she's got some shit going on.

Speaker 22 Oh, she's fine.

Speaker 64 I almost think you should actually shame the person making the videos for, like, hey, man, maybe you don't put this one out.

Speaker 48 This lady's got some real fucking issues.

Speaker 12 It's getting a haircut.

Speaker 7 Such a wild ride on your talks today.

Speaker 11 Newie.

Speaker 29 What is this?

Speaker 29 Autumn. Just wait.

Speaker 11 That's Jasper. I got it.
Jasper the cat. That's Chloe the dog.

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 35 That's Tikani. Tikani.

Speaker 79 Ed.

Speaker 28 Ed.

Speaker 11 That's Philippe. Oh, it's a little peaking.
I'll need to puck.

Speaker 22 Frank Beans.

Speaker 3 Peace compared. What am I waiting for?

Speaker 12 Murphy.

Speaker 61 You said just wait.

Speaker 45 Oh. Okay, they just told me that they get gender-affirming haircuts, so they get a little emotional.

Speaker 22 So you see, context is important.

Speaker 11 But here's the problem. I'm still not sure what gender they were at the end of that haircut.
That's why I keep saying they. I don't know what we were affirming.

Speaker 11 Honestly, do you know what they were trying to go for?

Speaker 39 You're not gonna trap me in this game.

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 11 They look like masculine

Speaker 11 women.

Speaker 44 What the fuck is the video?

Speaker 55 Just keep going with it.

Speaker 11 It's over.

Speaker 6 That video's over.

Speaker 11 It's just nice animals.

Speaker 82 Oh, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 11 You don't like animals?

Speaker 2 No, I was waiting for something to happen.

Speaker 66 You're like, this fucking Ed and Freddy and Chiquita.

Speaker 11 Oh, this one. This guy is my new favorite.

Speaker 11 I knew you liked that.

Speaker 66 Well, I showed this one to my mom.

Speaker 15 You did?

Speaker 67 How special synergy type of thing?

Speaker 31 She was like, why is he wearing a mask?

Speaker 36 And I was like, that's not a mask.

Speaker 29 She's like, what?

Speaker 11 But what is he saying, most importantly?

Speaker 2 He was whispering it. I don't know.
He said something about the

Speaker 40 underwear, but I didn't hear what he was saying.

Speaker 11 You want to hear it again? He does all these. He just whispers to the panties on his head.
I don't want to see it again. I'm okay.

Speaker 35 Something with amigos. I gotta say,

Speaker 22 friends.

Speaker 71 My woman left me?

Speaker 11 Or she left this? Sad.

Speaker 4 I don't like his whispering. Now I'm smelling her underwear.

Speaker 11 So the other wife, the woman, left him, and now all he has is the panties.

Speaker 29 But that's kind of cool.

Speaker 11 It's romantic, Tom. Would you do you do this when I leave?

Speaker 47 On bro, on God, on twin.

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 11 Would you do this?

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Why don't you ever get into my dirty panties?

Speaker 57 How do you know I don't do that?

Speaker 11 I don't know. I wish you would.

Speaker 29 Right? Strike.

Speaker 29 Hell yeah, dude. Oh, shit.

Speaker 89 Boom.

Speaker 22 I'm looking.

Speaker 52 That's the tappy tappy.

Speaker 11 You didn't know the tappy tappy?

Speaker 51 It looks like a high-level martial arts guy.

Speaker 33 Of course it is.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 20 Of course it is.

Speaker 32 That's cool.

Speaker 12 Really, really

Speaker 32 interesting look.

Speaker 48 He's shaped like a pear.

Speaker 11 Oh, I know.

Speaker 11 Yeah. He looks like a bottle of Tabasco.

Speaker 48 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 52 That's cool. About 320 pounds.
Just kind of like the tappy tappy.

Speaker 69 Well,

Speaker 61 you can't do shit, sir.

Speaker 45 Just to be clear,

Speaker 43 you are incapable of defending anybody from anything.

Speaker 11 Do you want to see the animals again?

Speaker 29 Nope.

Speaker 2 I want to wrap this shit up and thank you guys for watching.

Speaker 8 Listen, it's my birthday.

Speaker 64 I'm going to go celebrate now.

Speaker 45 I'm going to go to a latex sex club and piss on people.

Speaker 33 Fuck off.

Speaker 23 Thank you so much. Charlie Steron's meeting me there.

Speaker 80 I hate you, fist pig.

Speaker 12 I got to go.

Speaker 25 Don't forget, if your butthole doesn't work, you got to find something else to do in your life.

Speaker 55 Happy birthday.

Speaker 77 Thank you, Tom.

Speaker 29 Thank you.

Speaker 11 Thank you, Tom.

Speaker 25 See you guys later. Bye-bye.

Speaker 8 Can you please tell the audience so I can have a record that you're impressed with my water consumption?

Speaker 98 You're the water champ. You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you.
Pound in the water. Pound in the water.
You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you.

Speaker 98 Let's go, let's go, let's go. Water champ.
Pound in the water. Pound in the water.
Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Water champ.
Pound in the water. Pound in the water.

Speaker 99 That's what I'm talking about. That's current water champion.

Speaker 9 Tom, gets it. Running away.

Speaker 98 Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Water champ.
Pound in the water. Pound in the water.

Speaker 15 Who are the water champions?

Speaker 98 Pound in the water. Pound in the water.

Speaker 9 Water damage.

Speaker 9 Just sipping.

Speaker 98 You're drinking that much water as he drinks water.

Speaker 22 Water and peace at the same time. Just sipping.

Speaker 98 Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking. Oddly enough, my wife also competed.

Speaker 9 She came last late.

Speaker 59 You ever seen a Yorkie drink water?

Speaker 98 Just my overwhelming urge to consume more water.

Speaker 99 Like, you don't understand. Current water champion.

Speaker 98 You don't understand. Water champ, water champ.
You don't understand.

Speaker 99 Current water champion. You don't understand.

Speaker 98 Water champ, water champ.

Speaker 9 I just kept drinking and no one said a word.

Speaker 9 Pound in the water, pounding the water.

Speaker 98 Let's go, let's go, let's go, water, champ. Pound in the water, pound the water.

Speaker 98 Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound the water.

Speaker 11 Is this technically water two?

Speaker 98 Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.

Speaker 98 Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.

Speaker 98 People would discuss, like, who's the water champ?

Speaker 98 Let's go, go, water champ. Kill two of those, and they have four 16-ounce waters.

Speaker 9 Why are the water champs? I've never seen someone drink so much water during such a short time.

Speaker 98 Let's go, water champ. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water, champ, pound the water, pound the water.
Let's go, let's go, let's go, water, champ, pound the water, pound the water.

Speaker 98 Let's go, water, champ, let's go, water, champ.

Speaker 22 Just a matter.