Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805

What's up everybody?

It's Tom Sagura.

Tickets for my fall dates of the Come Together Tour are on sale right now.

You can get them.

No code words, no special signs, no handshakes.

Just go to tomsagura.com slash tour and pick up those tickets.

I will see you there this fall.

A whole bunch of cities have been added.

Thank you.

I love you and I will see you there.

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

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Vancouver.

That burp you laid.

Did they get to hear that before we started rolling, you mean?

I don't know.

That was mighty, mighty.

Oh, Niana just nodded.

Oh, cool.

You guys get to hear what I hear all the time.

Yeah.

We'll talk about that a bit more today because you've been in special form, and I have a theory why, and I'm going to get into that one.

Oh, really?

You have a theory?

I don't know about this theory.

I do.

Oh, cool, man.

I do.

What's everybody?

What's everybody?

It's great to be here.

We have so many cool updates to share with you.

A lot of cool things going on.

Yeah.

A lot of cool updates.

Do you want to

show off and say what you did yesterday?

Oh, you're just going to get into it right now?

Why not?

This leads into my theory as to why you've been ramping up the burps, the farts, the hawking Luggies.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday for the first time in my life.

Yeah.

Hold the applause.

And it's not for any reason.

It was just a standard thing, so don't worry.

And I think, and I'm just going to put this out here and see if this sounds like familiar.

I think you're a little jellies

because A, I got to watch everything come out of me in a waterfall fashion.

I got some cool farts and I got a propofol nap.

That's am I saying that right?

Propofol.

Yeah.

And I think you're jealous and you're just showing off a little bit.

You're peacocking a little.

Does that sound familiar?

Yeah, I don't think that's.

I am insanely jealous that you got anesthesia.

So good.

Because it's my favorite thing, and it's

the only thing I haven't really reached out to somebody for.

I'm trying to find a doctor that'll do it.

Like Michael Jackson?

Yeah, 100%.

And by the way, I'll pay.

I'll pay cash.

Yeah.

I'll do what you want.

I want you to come to the house.

I want you to give me probofol.

You have to sleep in a chamber, though.

Didn't he sleep in a hyperbaric chamber?

I feel like you have to sleep in one.

He just puts like the thing on your head.

Yeah, you just need a doctor to monitor you, you know?

All night.

Dude, did MJ he just have a doctor all night monitoring?

Well, that guy was there all the time.

I don't know if he spent the night all the time, but that's crazy.

His tolerance went way, way up

because he was able to metabolize the propofol in increasing amounts so quickly that they had to keep ramping it up.

It's wild because my brain was totally charred after it.

Like, I yesterday I had brains after that.

Imagine you're the doctor

who killed Michael Jackson.

What happened to him?

I'm sure he's in prison by now.

He did have to serve some time, but I don't know what ultimately see, this is the crazy crazy thing about really rich celebrities: you can find anybody to do

anything.

Yeah.

As long as they don't have morals.

He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter,

inadvertently overdosing with a powerful surgical anesthetic, propofol.

He served just under two years of his original four-year sentence.

Conrad Murray.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, that's a powerful way to sleep.

Honestly, that's a little too much.

Like, you're just dead.

You're basically dead all night.

There he is.

Yeah, he looks good.

He looks cool.

Yeah.

I wonder what he's doing these days.

I don't know.

Because I'll tell you this: if you can still get your hands on that propofol, I'll hire you.

No,

I'll hire you tonight, but I do have something really relevant to the YMH world that I'd like to bring to the light.

Yeah.

So, by the way, colonoscopy, no biggie.

I really thought it would be way worse than it was.

Not a big deal.

You drink this nasty shit that makes you basically waterfall dump for hours.

For hours.

Fine.

It doesn't hurt.

How many times do you think you sat on the toilet?

Oh my God.

80?

No.

87?

No, there's no way.

It was not that many times.

Because I like to get up.

I would sit down and try to watch something.

It was an 80 something.

Shit again.

It was a lot.

It was 180.

And I'd feel a tug.

But that thing's not painful.

It's not like diarrhea where you're like, oh, like bent over.

No cramping.

You just feel like a little like, boop, boop.

And then you go sit down.

Hello.

And then, but you better sit down fast.

There's no time to spare because you sit down and water, eventually water comes out of your butthole.

Here's the cool part.

At 4 a.m.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

At 4 a.m., I was browning water, just clear water, which is where you're supposed to get.

At one point, water was coming out of my B hole and

piss was coming out of my P hole.

Now we've got the double pipe classic, which is a bourbon to fart at the same time.

What would you call, since you coined it, you're in the urban dictionary.

Yeah.

When you brown water and pee at the same time.

Wow.

It's like double stream magic.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Double stream magic.

Yeah.

I don't think that's ever going to happen again in my life.

I don't know.

Shit.

It is magic.

Like in unison.

But you're not shitting shit.

Just to clarify.

You're shitting water.

You're literally just, you sit down and water comes out of your bum.

It's wild.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What did you call it?

A double stream magic.

Yeah, yeah.

I advise everybody to get their colonoscopy just to experience a double stream magic.

I would say this too.

It really,

they made it pretty clear.

Getting, everyone thinks, I don't want to do that.

They prevent so many deaths and catch so many things early by getting colonoscopies.

If you're over 40 and you haven't had one, you know, it's just you owe it to yourself, to your family.

You should do it.

It's totally, yeah, it's a total thing.

It's a preventative thing and it's how they know, oh, something's up with your GI track.

We got to do something.

yeah if you don't do it it's everything it's way too late when you're like i'm shitting blood well and also those kits that they say oh you just scrape your poo and then you nail it in those are not it's too late by the time it shows up there you've already got cancer you're fucked you're dead yeah so just go and by the way the actual procedure 20 minutes 20 minutes long and by the way you get a propofol nap i know it is the best part i was so jealous you were you always are when i get anesthesia i know you're so well i'm signing up for one just to get that because I've had one.

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago, but it's time for another, and I'm super jealous.

And I just want to get it.

I know you're jealous.

That's why you've been ramping up the burps and the farts.

And

do you want me to talk about what you did yesterday?

That's fine.

I don't care.

You're so gross.

So you're driving me to the colonoscopy.

Where to stoplight?

Yeah.

And lately, even really phlegmy.

And I don't know if it's the air here in Austin, the allergies.

And where to stop light?

And you're sneezing and you're sneezing.

And then

you're doing this horking shit that you do as a dad.

And then you,

and I see it in the corner of my eye.

You're pushing the button for the window to roll down.

And then you do like an old Chinese guy.

You go,

and then you hawk.

You

hork the loogie out of the car window like an old man.

It was so fucking disgusting.

So fucking disgusting.

I sneezed and what happened was when I sneezed, supervised.

I know what I know.

All the snot came into my mouth and I had just had a mouthful of snot.

Oh my god.

So it's like either spit out the window or just swallow it.

No, that's what a handkerchief is for.

Gentlemen have handkerchiefs and you spit your spittle.

By the way, I have to kiss your mouth.

You know that?

I kiss your mouth.

And it makes me think too, and what I realize is you don't wash your hands nearly as much as I thought you did.

Well, I don't, first of all, I never wash my hands after I pee.

That's nonsense.

You wash your hands before you pee.

That's what I do.

Because my penis is clean.

My hands are not.

Why don't I do before and after?

Because we don't get piss on your hands.

No, it's fine.

Why is it fine?

It's urine on your hand.

It's delicious, it's sterile, and it's good for you.

I do not wash my hands after I pee, and you're a fool, and you're letting the government tell you what to do if you do that.

Psyops.

Yeah.

So you wash your hands before you touch your delicate, beautiful cleaner.

I agree with that.

If I shit, I wash my right hand only because that's the hand that I wiped with.

I don't wash my left hand.

You know what?

As a fellow disgusting human, I'll take that because I do that too.

When I piss and I wipe, I just wash my right hand.

Yeah.

And then I don't even dry it off.

People are always asking me, why don't you wash the other hand?

Why am I wasting all that water and soap and everything?

It's insane.

I don't think this, do you think there's a reason to wash both hands, Josh?

I don't think there's a reason.

I mean, the other hand kind of helps with the washing process, I feel like.

No.

Otherwise, you gotta do, yeah, you gotta do one of those things.

But I feel like that's not as thorough.

I like that.

Yeah, Sean gives me a lot of grief about it.

About what?

How I wash and when I wash.

And he's like, did you just wash your right hand?

And I go, yeah, that's the one I used.

You're so vulgar and vile to your people that work with you, too.

You fucking fart on them.

You fart around them.

By the way, too, you've been wrapping up your farts production.

This team has like they've stopped me multiple times and they're like, I like when you fart.

Nobody likes when you fart.

Nobody.

Yeah.

Nobody likes when you fart.

Nobody.

A lot of the staff has told me that it's awesome.

You know what he's been doing, too, in the house?

Is when you fart, it's bad enough that you fart all the time, all the time, all the time.

Now you lay on your back and you pull your legs in the air like the dye dye, and you're only wearing underwear.

No shirt, nothing else, just your panties.

And then you rip them and you do it in front of our children.

Yeah, they like that.

They do like it.

But I told them, I said, don't do this in front of your kids.

The kids like it, the staff loves it.

That's fine.

The staff does not like it.

They do like it.

Nobody likes it.

All right, here we go.

Nobody likes it.

Wait, what's that face, Diana?

She didn't like it.

She likes it.

She does too.

I don't approve.

What are you talking about?

I just think farts are a little disrespectful.

Wow.

Here we go.

Wow.

I have to be fair across the board because I always get a yell at Ennie for farting.

Is any just freely farting now?

Yes.

Yeah, sometimes.

I mean, that went from zero fart policy to all the time now.

That is crazy.

He totally changed his tune with that.

He's an animal.

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In

honor of Ennie who's not here today,

our opening clip is what I like to call Ennie's Inner Thoughts.

Here we go.

Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes.

I always lie to them right off rail.

Shit.

I'm broke.

So soon before they start the shit, I'm broke.

I'm unemployed.

Now, let's start right there.

We can build on that shit.

Cool.

Holy man.

Don't pay anyone loving for this.

Your mama in the fucking stand.

Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura.

Welcome to your mom's house.

ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, me,

ma, ma, mommy.

It's your mommy.

Do you love your mommy?

Sure, you do.

Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes.

11.

Yeah, I wish Eddie was here so I could play his inner thoughts for him.

Don't compliment that bitch.

He's not here.

But this guy is awesome.

He's been giving out, he gives out unsolicited advice to other young men who are in the in the field, you know, dating,

trying to make it work with ladies, and he gives them just great advice.

Why y'all being sweet to a bitch and all kind and nice and trying to figure out and shit?

Y'all trying to tell her what you think she wants to hear.

I tell that bitch what she don't want to hear.

Ho, you are fucking replaceable, replaceable than a motherfucker, because I'm fucking him, bitch.

What's going on with you?

You're replaceable.

Yeah.

You're not special.

You're not unique.

You can't count on me.

I'm not reliable.

You can't depend on me.

And I can't count on you.

And you're not reliable.

And I can't depend on you on bro.

Mm-hmm.

That's tight.

Can I tell you though?

Yeah.

This is definitely the game my father has run with women his entire life.

Yeah, and it works.

It works.

With a certain type of broad, this is their jam.

They love it.

They love it because they're like, maybe I can, I love you, maybe I can change that.

How do I get approval?

How do I get approval?

How do I get the approval?

I'm gang.

Stop playing with me.

Stop playing with me.

Real shit.

Real nigga shit.

That's what my dad does.

Y'all going about it, bro.

Y'all being nice to the bitch.

But what really gets her going and get her juices blowing is you're being hard on the bitch.

That's exactly my dad would say.

Tell that bitch, you don't give two shits about no hoe.

I don't give a fuck about no bitch.

Yep.

He does do that.

My dad does this 1,000% to to the hose.

This is exactly how he got with me.

And probably like this guy, your dad's got numbers, man.

Numbers.

Yeah.

I mean, I've seen him do it.

Like, I've seen him be like, come on, baby.

I don't, I don't do this.

Like, he'll just tell them straight up, nope, nope, nope.

But they come back.

You're right.

They want more.

So, does that mean that someone like your dad, like, are they incapable of falling for someone?

Do they ever fall for someone?

Or that's just not even in their

they do.

My father has, I think, but then they get bored and restless because real intimacy is not on the table.

Like, it's not, they're not capable.

And if there's a bump in the road, like, forget it.

We're done.

Right, right.

It's too much work.

You're boring or it's too much work.

It's either super boring or it's too much work.

And I don't want to do it.

Yeah.

There's no long term.

Wow.

That's just totally.

That's horrible.

Whoa.

And then I tried to get his approval too as his daughter for years.

You ever think about that fucked up game?

Yeah.

Wow.

I'm so glad I didn't marry a guy like that.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I could have have done that, Tommy.

That could have been me.

Well, you ain't shit.

You're a little shit, bitch.

Oh, I like that.

You ain't shit.

That would put, they'll be like, oh, that's too much.

Too close to a vote.

This makes you happy.

That's how you get a bitch to give you that asshole.

For sure.

By the way, now that I've had colonoscopy clean, the day is now if we wanted to butt fuck because there's nothing.

Don't say if we wanted to.

We want to.

There's nothing in there.

We want to and we're going to.

Today?

I just had the thing in my bee yesterday.

That's fine.

Aren't you not supposed to butt fuck after?

No, no.

The doctor said, if you're going to butt fuck, do it in the next 48 hours.

Do you think gay guys have cleaner bees than we do?

I do.

I think they empty themselves out more.

Like way more.

Yeah.

Enemas.

For sure.

Remember how routine when we had,

we asked Pierce.

Yeah.

And he was just like, oh, yeah, you just kind of.

flush it with warm water you go through the routine it all comes out clear ready to rock wow yeah what am i missing out on then i guess you're missing out on a lot we can can figure it out today.

The gay community, their asses are clean like that all the time.

Yeah.

Do you want to hear any inner thoughts?

We'd love to.

Hold on.

They got all this trauma.

Yeah.

Let me tell you how men fuck up.

They get married, they move in with a bitch.

Yeah.

These hoes brainwash you into thinking that the only way you really gonna get treated right by them is if you run some paper.

If you give them what the fuck they want, you pay for their nails and pay for their their rent and keep a roof over their head and pay their car note, take care of their kids, whether they're yours or not.

Think about the logic of this shit, bro.

Yeah.

Most of these hoes ran through, they overweight, they not tone,

they coochie all

no walls, no bottom.

They got all this trauma in their life.

They got all these fucking exes.

They got high body count.

Listen to me.

They lazy, they selfish, they vain, they narcissists, they psychopath, they sociopath.

They play the victim, they whine and cry.

Yep.

Yeah.

They moody,

going on their cycle, coming off their cycle, going through menopause.

They all the same.

Young all the way to old.

I told my motherfucking wife she tripping in this, that, and the other.

And I was like, so whatever you go, whatever you do, motherfuckers are going to expect you to pull your motherfucking weight.

Dead ass.

A real nigga is?

Dead ass.

Hell yeah.

Wife.

I can't speak for all them pussies and lames and cornies and goofies and green as fuck, motherfuckers that beta males.

I can't speak for them.

Right.

I'm talking about a real nigga.

Don't expect you to pull your own motherfucking weight, Twent.

That shit is not worth that shit.

That shit is worth investing into to hit it.

Hit it when you want it.

Hit it how you want it.

Hit it as long as you want it and tell that bitch to leave.

And then when she leaves, when you want her to fucking leave.

Now that's worth investing in my dad.

All that other shit.

This is spooky.

That's a bitch.

Fuck shit.

This is spooky.

My dad's a real N.

I didn't realize that.

I was raised by a strong black man.

This is 1,000% his game.

You talk about a real dude.

Yeah.

That's what my dad is.

It's crazy.

Wait, did you hear the wife?

He's like, I told my wife.

Yeah.

So he's married and he's doing all that.

He's running game.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's just what he's talking about.

He's not some beta-goofy ass fucking lame-o green bitch.

Damn.

Wow.

Wow.

Dude, this guy's rad.

God is terrifying.

I mean, this is, listen, if you're out there, if you're a young guy, if you're trying to like, what's going on with the ladies, this is who I would listen to.

This guy's going to set you up for success.

I mean, look, it's definitely a lane of courtship.

Like, we've talked about this before with what's his name, Tom.

Blow me up, Tom.

Yeah.

He was an overweight radio DJ in Los Angeles.

Tom Likas.

Tom Likas.

And his whole thing, too, is like, dump that bitch.

Don't spend a dime.

First date, he was like, take him to Burger King.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

Like, bitch, this is all you're worth.

It's

super cool.

It works.

It was with a certain type.

Oh, how soon after a colonoscopy can I bottom?

Yeah.

Really important.

Can you read that?

My eyes can't.

Sure, sure.

Literally immediately.

This actually might be the perfect time because you're as cleaned out as you can ever be.

But I was thinking, yeah.

Someone says you couldn't be more right.

Listen, we are trying this tonight.

We're trying.

Well, I'm a little worried now because.

No, no, no.

Hold on.

There's no worries.

I haven't made a brown yet since my colonoscopy.

Like, how long before I make a brown?

You got a while.

You got a while.

You got a while.

Stop looking stuff up.

You're going to try it.

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Buy it now so that it gets there in time.

Get that real bitch something for her day, you know?

Tell that bitch, thank you.

Tell that bitch.

I thank a bitch.

I'm wearing Berlin.

I can't fart more than anyone else.

First, you're probably wrong.

Second, there's an easy fix for smelly flatulence.

I'm Dr.

Tricia Pastrica, and I'm a gastroenterologist and an instructor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Wow.

And here's how to avoid offending people with an ill-timed fart.

Real, legitimate GI studies have found that farting anywhere from 10 to 20 times per day is normal.

99% of our intestinal gas is made of odorless gases like nitrogen, methane, carbon dioxide, but 1% contains sulfur, and it's that sulfur-containing gas that makes farts smell so bad.

That's your farts.

So, if you're worried about smelly flatulence before a high-risk social event, take a medication like bismuth salicylate or peptobismol.

These have been shown to reduce 95% of sulfide-containing gases and reduce symptoms of flatulence.

There is some concern about salicylate toxicity if you take it regularly in the long term, but if you're just trying to ease your social discomfort for a day or two, by all means, take a dose by mouth up to four times a day beforehand.

You might want to try this before a long flight.

It's elementary physics.

As altitude increases, air pressure, including intestinal air pressure, falls.

So your intestinal gas has to expand.

And at that point, there's really only one place for it to go.

It's why everybody's gassier on an airplane.

Who do you know who needs to hear this?

We've been talking about this for ages, why you get fartier on the flight.

Plane farts.

It's confirmed.

Also, your farts do smell very sulfuric because you eat a lot of eggs.

Yeah, they do.

Your farts smell horrible.

And because we've been together for 20 years now, I know your smells.

Like, I know how they smell.

Sniff that one.

Like, I bet if we, okay, hear me out.

If we did this as a game, I don't know if I would be open to it.

If we had everybody fart into a film container and then I were to smell, like open it and smell it, I bet you I could identify my husband's fart.

You think so?

Yeah.

Just on the smells alone.

Well, I think the staff's pretty excited about this.

You guys ready to do that?

Hell yeah.

Tanner's up for it.

I know Tanner's a guy.

Niana's down.

Yeah, Niana's down.

You down to fart, Niana?

I'm good.

I'm good.

She does fart here.

I've seen it.

You have?

No.

She has this particular corner in the garage where she goes.

Really?

Yeah.

There's a sign in there.

It says Niana's Fart Corner.

Whoa, that's nice.

Wow, that's nice to know.

Yeah.

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You know, we've been, I've been asking other friends that we have, married friends, whether or not their husband rips and blows ass in front of them.

Not a lot do.

Not a lot do.

Honestly, like, not a lot.

Who says yes?

Well, I can tell you the Trestles don't.

blow ass in front of each other, Duncan and Aaron.

I'm sure they'd be okay with me sharing that.

They don't.

I don't want to, I don't want to out people, but

Shauna and Jimmy are very close, my best friend since forever.

They rip ass in front of each other.

Yeah, good.

They've been together forever or two, like we have.

Love.

I see it.

Real love.

All the other couples that we're friends with, doesn't happen.

It's disrespect.

It doesn't happen.

I don't believe that.

So.

Josh, do you fart in front of your lady?

Oh, yeah, 100%.

But if she does, I shame her hardcore because that's disgusting.

So toxic.

That's like that real end.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how you got to do it.

Yeah.

Check this out, by the way.

I'm so fascinated by this.

Check this shit out.

The original.

You know what I'm saying?

The original video of RPC is here, right?

Black guys who love the fucking fuck good.

If you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me at $23.95,

you can see where he's laying and all that stuff.

The Christmas decorations.

He just put up a new video.

Look.

I'm looking for guys who want to fuck me.

Don't do what you want to do, man.

Oof.

That's right.

23.95 Wagner Wagner House is partly 2C Bill 18.

He's doing it.

He got so excited.

He's stumbling over.

Yeah, he's fired up again.

Yeah.

Do what you want to do, man.

He's back into it.

Hell yeah.

I'm looking for guys who want to fuck me.

It's so cool.

He has never wavered from who he is.

That's my favorite thing about RPC.

And the real question is, has he ever found those guys who like to fucking fuck good?

Do they ever come over?

Has he ever had it happen?

There's got to be someone.

There's got to be one.

What, somebody?

23.95 Wagner House is probably 2020.

So many years, somebody has to have taken up on this.

This is over a decade of this.

Yeah.

And if you haven't, can somebody please

wake him up?

If it were me, I would be so sad if I had put out this campaign for years.

For For years, and you're like, who's come over?

I'm like, no one's ever come over.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

That's so sad.

Yeah, if you go to a bar and you just ask people out.

That's so bump.

Eventually someone says yes, right?

Like, there's got to be some percentage of yes.

But then again, you know, his criterion is a little specific.

He does like black guys who like to fucking fuck good.

You don't have to be able to fuck good.

Just fuck.

Just fuck.

Are you out of jail?

He's just saying it's open to anything.

To any black guy.

So all it is is a black guy.

And Latinos.

He says Latinos.

Oh, and latinos so black and latino that's a there's a lot of those and he lives in a black and latino neighborhood pride predominantly yeah i mean it's just i went there you know i remember i can't believe you went there yeah we went there during the day yeah of course

yeah

yeah we were like uh people were like what are you guys making we were like we should fucking wrap this shit up

do you remember how you felt like when you walked into his apartment for the first time i didn't i didn't walk in

he didn't answer.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

We rang the buzzer and he didn't answer.

And then how did you get to talk to him eventually?

He came and visited me.

Oh, yeah.

In my unit.

In your room.

Wow.

We fucked and we just had a good time.

Yeah.

He pity fucked you.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

He had your roogie and you almost swallowed it there.

I don't know.

I didn't almost swallow it.

No.

You're really into these roogies.

My rookies are awesome.

Yeah.

You know what?

You should sew a roogie pocket in your jackets from now on.

That's how much you love those roogies.

A dedicated Rugie pocket.

Yep.

Pretty cool.

What flavor are you into right now?

What are you doing?

This is

experiment.

And you got your whole crew into them now.

Yeah, everybody's on the Rugies.

Yeah.

Everybody's into the Rugies.

I'm converting people, too.

You are.

I've also had people who are like, oh, I do another brand.

And I'm like, try the Rugies out.

Yeah.

Rogue.

Your Rogie Rugies.

Yeah, my Rogie Rugies.

Dang.

Look.

So much better for you.

It is so much better for you.

I'm glad to see RPC's back at it.

And he's so horny.

Isn't there an age where this decreases?

Like, don't you think he's at that point where the testosterone is?

This is probably decreased for him.

It took him years to put up another one of these.

We played the first video Josh wrote on the board here seven years ago.

Seven years ago.

That had some age on it already.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe a decade of this

call.

Yeah.

And he's still so horny.

And he looks exactly the same he looks great hell yeah officer cum dump looks amazing officer come dump here yeah

he never ages rpc never ages he just looks great he's so horny he's so fired up yeah it's awesome i wish i had an ounce of this fired

up

total pig yeah total pig officer come dump is officer come dump likes it wild dirty and filthy that's right officer come dump will take it like a man i will bend down and you could bang bang me as

you can.

That's right.

Officer come dump here.

That's right.

Waiting for you hardcore guys.

Call me a call.

You need relaxion.

You need things.

Let me take off my glasses and let me see who I'm talking to.

Take off his glasses.

Yeah, that was cool.

Oh, there he is.

Looks great.

Oh, wow.

It's all, it's gone.

He's a Silver Fox now.

Yeah, it looks great on him.

And look at all the hats in the background.

King Donald Duck Orange Man Trump must be impeached now.

He cut Sec 8 snap for people who can't survive on what they make and also school, lunch, and breakfast and food banks.

He wants the rich to live and poor to die.

Vance and Musk has to go as well.

I didn't realize he was so politically involved.

He is now.

Wow.

Is this old or recent?

Recent, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

All countries in Middle East, no gas or fuel or food products or produce for America and Trump, Canada, turn off electric to America.

Quite a dissertation.

Wow, yeah, he's really fired up.

And I didn't think that Officer Cum Dump would be that.

No.

No, he usually keeps it just to the neighborhood.

You know, he talks about his stuff at Coney Island.

But I would think Officer Cum Dump just talks about

come and fucking.

But that's where you're wrong, Tom.

But Officer Cum Dump's talking about Palestine and the economy.

He's multifaceted, and I think what you're seeing is he's developed as a talent.

He's gone creatively into different areas.

What do you think all those hats are?

I like that necklace, Robert.

No, it looks good on you.

It looks good.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Jesus.

He really does like black guys.

Shit.

Really?

This is all right.

Yeah.

A lot of his posts.

He's a cat guy, too.

Look, just like me.

Cats, him naked, black guys.

Hey, I like all the same things he likes, you know?

Yeah, true.

Cats, oh, George Foreman.

George Foreman.

Wow.

Was that a rest in peace for George?

Is that what that was?

Yeah,

that's when he died.

Yeah, it doesn't really fit the other looks.

I'm sure he hooked up with George Foreman.

You know, he's hooked up with everybody, he knows everybody.

Remember that?

He likes Michael B.

Jordan.

That's the few times we've seen him posted.

Oh, look, a white guy.

Uh-oh.

That's wild.

He likes him beefy.

He likes beefy guys.

Oh, look at those two black guys.

Oh, there he is with his face mask.

That's what chicks do.

They like to show themselves in face masks.

They're like, oh my god, I'm so ugly right now.

Stop.

Oh, there he is.

He's always rubbing his chest, rubbing his tits.

Yeah,

so fucking weird.

Face mask on.

It's here, T5, Toto 3.

Come on, man, a creamy olva.

That's half.

Hey, guys, man.

You want to do my face, man?

You want a creamy old man?

No, that's what it is.

He's showing you that you can come on his face.

That's what he's using that for.

That's awesome.

Can I ask you, though, when you're aroused, are you rubbing your chest like that?

No, I don't usually do that.

It's like a girl thing.

Yeah.

Looks so freaking.

Rubbing your tits and everything?

No.

Yeah.

Not like, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, there you go.

Yeah.

Oh, look at the black guy in his sweater.

You like black guys in sweaters?

Ooh, there's a cop cop hat on that guy.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Those are some beefy nipples he's got, too.

Yep.

Fuck, dude.

This is a hardcore.

Every cat deserves a home.

Yeah.

But not every home deserves a cat.

True.

And he likes orange cats too, just like me.

Yeah.

Dude, wow.

A lot of similarities.

Yeah.

A lot of similarities.

I get him.

I get him.

Damn.

That's an aggressive photo.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

That's a big tit.

Yeah, that is a big old tit.

Fuck, dude.

Yeah.

Well, he's definitely got a type.

He never swayed from that either.

Nope.

He's consistent.

If nothing but consistent.

Yeah.

Happy spring.

Happy spring.

Here's some cats.

You want to fuck?

See, that's the thing:

is the, is

the, what's the word?

Just the spread of interest.

Like, it's happy spring and then hardcore black guys and cats.

Human beings are complicated.

We're not all just one thing.

It's true.

I don't want to to paint him with one there's that big tid again same guys

same guy

oh even nine lives weren't enough with you oh i agree especially orange boys or george bash

i know i love the orange guy another george foreman

and like who is he taking are these stock photos or are these people

i don't like he knows them

He's just googling hot black guys and then putting them up on his Instagram.

Yeah.

Oh, and then there's Snoopy.

I just wish one of these guys would go over there once.

I know.

Have you had sex with Robert Paul Champagne?

Let us know.

There's got to be somebody out there.

Oh my God.

I thought you were asking me for someone.

I would like to ask him.

Yeah, if you have, that'd be awesome if you reached out to us and let us know.

Somebody fuck him.

I have to pee really bad.

Okay.

Drink a lot of water.

All right, go for it.

What is what?

It's a camera.

I pissed, but I didn't piss water out of my butt at the same time.

Hey, that's why your butt's ready for that ding-dong.

Yeah.

By the way, we saw the Minecraft movie.

Yeah, it was so cute.

A year ago, we visited the set.

I took our oldest, Ellis, to visit the set, and it was awesome.

And then we got to actually see the movie, which was great.

It was a great movie.

It was such a good movie.

Super entertaining.

They really served the children who play this game.

Oh, yeah.

And then the odd adult that was in the theater, we were like, yeah, shouldn't be in here.

The solo adult.

That's why.

The underworld is right.

The enderman.

The enderman.

Jason Momoa was amazing.

You wouldn't be able to.

Momoa was hilarious.

So funny.

And Jack Black, fantastic job.

It was a really good movie.

They did such a good job.

They really did.

Yeah, it was really fun.

The boys loved it.

We loved it.

Look at him.

I love the outfits they put on these people.

Jason has, I love his pink jacket.

He had an awesome job.

So funny.

I didn't know he could do comedy.

Oh, he's got good timing.

He's got great chops, man.

Yeah, it was a really good movie.

He played such a dummy.

That guy was just a big dummy.

Yeah.

And it was really funny.

Really funny.

Yeah, take your kids to see this.

I think if they're into the Minecraft, I wore that wig.

I have a photo of me in that wig.

It's a really good wig.

It looks like it could be his hair.

Yeah.

It's rad.

How big is he in real life?

He's big as fuck.

He's so big.

He's like 6'4 ⁇ , 235, and he's like...

Jesus.

Yeah, he's a house, man.

Yeah.

When you're, you're like, oh, man, this guy's...

Most actors, too, are tiny when you meet them.

You know, this dude's, yeah, he's huge.

Did he start as like an athlete before he was an actor?

I mean, he got discovered pretty young because he was on one of the iterations of Baywatch.

You know, he was just like, really?

Yeah.

He's just this like Hawaiian kid.

And yeah, he started.

Look at his dreads.

19 living in Honolulu.

Yeah.

So,

yeah.

He was always pretty active, though.

Like, he loves mountain climbing, you know, like rock climbing and stuff.

He's really good at it.

So, he was always active with that.

And he was in Game of Thrones.

He was banging the Khaleesi.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's what propelled him into.

I think Baywatch is like a step into the world of acting, but that's what made him really well known.

I mean, nobody's built like that guy.

Holy mackerel.

No, he's half German, half Hawaiian.

Wow.

Oh, look at him as a genetic.

His genetics are pretty nutty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's wild, dude.

Yeah.

What a career.

What a life.

What a fun movie, though.

He did such a great job.

Great job.

Yeah.

That was rad.

Yeah.

What was I going to?

There was a, so I took the boys to see Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, the musical here.

And there was like adults watching it alone without kids, which is so weird.

And then when we did the Paddington Bear, that's even weirder.

It gets even weirder.

When we were in London, I took them to the Paddington Bear experience.

Yeah.

There were grown-ups there too without kids.

I'm like, what?

But then I realized they weren't just any grown-ups.

They were low IQ adults.

Okay.

No, it's true.

Okay.

They were low IQ.

I'm not saying they were

retarded.

I'm saying that they were on the cusp, on the border.

Like there was just above the line.

Uh-huh.

And like, because there was this one part of the Paddington Bear experience where you go into the kitchen, there's a, you know, the family kitchen.

And like the one adult that was alone, this guy, this low IQ adult, he was like picking up the fake phone.

Yeah, it was in that room, and there's like a fake phone, and he was like,

like really laughing and pretending and like putting together the screws.

Yeah, that's definitely low IQ.

That's not necessarily our word, but low IQ.

And I'm noticing that more now as an adult.

Do you think there's low IQ adults that are

lower IQ

than

an actual

person with with like downs.

I think so.

I think

because no,

there are exceptionally bright people who just have downs.

Exactly.

Exactly.

And like they can do.

Somebody just graduated law school.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

With downs?

Yes.

Which law school?

I don't know.

Like something online.

Hey, stop.

It's pretty cool that they did it.

No, it's amazing.

I didn't graduate from law school.

Okay.

So then to be diagnosed as having mental retardation, a person must have an IQ below 70 to 75.

That's what I'm saying.

No, I know.

So like a low IQ adult, what would a low IQ adult be?

Well, you got it right there.

But not necessarily Downs, because this guy at Paddington Bear

averages about 50.

Right.

But

some people are well above that with Downs.

So wait a minute.

Genius Downs people?

Well, yeah, they're exceptional.

That's rad.

I bet my IQ is an exceptional Downs person.

Look, scores of 120 have been found in some people with syndrome.

That's my point: that there's exceptional people in that that fall into that category.

Look up this person that just, honestly, that just

graduated law school.

There's somebody with Downs who just graduated law school.

That is, I did not know that.

Yeah.

I'm a low IQ adult.

Dang.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's amazing.

She's a

now the question is:

do you want her to represent you?

Well, I mean, I'm sure she's going to be hired by a practice that puts her in a position where they can utilize some skill set of hers.

They're not just going to be like, hey, you run the firm.

Maybe she represents other people downstairs.

That's what she says.

She wants to practice the disability law.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

That lady's not wearing the right brand.

I'll tell you this right now.

100%.

Yeah.

For sure.

She's smarter than me.

I couldn't do this.

I dropped out of law school after two weeks.

It was too hard.

And if she went to the same, if she's learning the same law, I did.

If you were going to hire one of the three of us as a lawyer, she's the one.

She's the one.

I didn't pass the bar.

No, that's pretty incredible.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

You know, now that I don't, I have breast cancer, I always look at other people's tits a lot even more now.

Yeah.

Like, you see that woman behind her?

She needs the right bra.

It's not a big, that's not supportive at all.

That's great.

That tit looks terrible.

That tit doesn't look right.

She needs to put right, Niana.

Niana knows what I'm talking about.

It's too droopy.

Droopy tits.

No, I gotta get it.

Well, we got the biggest story that's come out of this show in the last couple months.

This is pretty crazy.

Is it, though?

I feel like we saw this.

It's

I thought we were going as deep as it could go last week with our update with him, which was all this chaos, but of course it's hit new levels.

Hopefully, everything will be okay.

Standing and walking just fine.

Just making sure everything's okay.

He got into a brawl with those two guys, the landlords.

My foot was cut, too.

You guys can check it out.

Oh, dear.

So I'm just getting everything checked out, you know, just so my foot don't get infected.

You know, just making sure everything's okay.

It's standard lock and just fine.

So, hopefully, everything will be okay.

Tony, my pajamas here, ladies and gentlemen, worker.

Worker.

Worker.

Is he in an ambulance?

Why is he strapped in?

James Myers both safety.

Craziness.

Craziness.

So Scott.

Scott and

James attacked him.

He said, those are the guys that were changing the locks.

So now

his mission last night, as of this recording, was to get back into his place, but they changed the locks on him.

Right, we saw that last night.

We saw that.

So here's how he has a mission going.

Okay.

So it's pretty crazy.

The cop on Sunday morning told me that

if I wanted to, you know, and I need to get in the building and the owner,

you know, cannot give me keys, and the landlord cannot give me keys, but I can, you know, break into the building.

Yeah, you know, I gotta get into my building.

You know, I got a candle burning.

I gotta do what I gotta do.

A candle burning.

He's got a candle burning in this place.

So, what he's doing is

he got a sledgehammer.

There's a door.

Nobody's letting me in.

There's a sledge off to the side.

I'm gonna now be entering the building.

I'm not a violent dude.

I just have to get my items.

It's a bad charge.

Yes.

Candle was burning.

Worker.

Worker.

Workers, man.

You know,

it's just how it goes, man.

I understand what he's dealing with there.

Breaking in with a sledgehammer.

Not a good one.

So then he goes out.

He went out after that.

He's at a sports bar.

Tony, you're getting arrested?

Dude, that's fucked up.

Yo free Tony man free Tony man

shit

yo you still owe me an autograph man yeah Don yeah what the hell

where out there on the map there oh shit you got me it's on it's on it's on the map wall there by the rest of the wall damn bro

yo good luck, bro.

This guy.

Yo, officers, have a good one.

Damn, bro.

Okay.

I love that he recognized him.

Tony is now a a huge celebrity.

So he got he went to jail.

Yeah.

And then about an hour later.

Hear me out.

Auburn, New York.

Just got arrested an hour ago, and this is why I love this is why I love New York.

I got arrested an hour ago, and I'm now released.

And why I got arrested was because I ended up uh uh blowing down my landlord's door, the building door, just because

he wouldn't let me in.

He wouldn't give me any keys.

So I got arrested an hour ago.

And I'm back in the bar.

I'm a free man.

I'm walking, baby.

We're out here in New York, baby.

Go reform.

Back on the streets an hour later.

There we go, watching again.

Florida.

Florida, baby.

Come on.

Florida.

Woo!

Let's go.

Worker.

Worker.

Yeah.

There's the sign.

There's a man.

There's a band.

Yeah.

That was awesome.

Then he met him later.

You got to see the end of the game, which is really important.

That's all important.

An hour later, he's out.

I mean, here's the deal, too.

He's like, he's just like, what?

They just won't let me in, dude.

Like, they took away my keys.

Like, there's no other side to that story.

You think he could be a lawyer?

No.

You're right.

Between the Downs lawyer and Tony Johns.

I rest my case.

Your Honor.

Yeah.

I love that it's full circle with the fan.

Yeah.

That he's drinking with that guy, dude.

Yeah, that guy's going to get his autograph now.

Super important.

Good for Tony.

Look, I'm glad he got out at an hour.

We were worried that it was going to escalate to him ending up in jail.

And I don't want him to go to prison.

I know.

I knew this jail was in the prospects.

Yeah.

What Scott and James, the landlords, need to do, they need to hire full-time security.

For your construction project,

business watched overnight.

We can do short-term security or long-term security.

Send me a message and let's get you a security guard.

Let's get you a security.

I mean, when I think of a secure place,

I see this guy.

I'm like, fucking hire him.

Tough guy.

Tough.

He's cracking skulls.

Experienced.

Excuse me, you can't come come in here.

Why not?

The private property thing.

Hands clasped.

Looking for a security guard.

Protect your compound or something.

Give me a call.

Send me a DM.

Get out of here.

You get out of here.

Do you not see my badge?

I'm security.

Yeah, not very intimidating.

Excellent.

Excellent.

Not very intimidating.

See, if I were him, I would have outsourced the commercial.

The commercials.

You know who you hire?

A guy that looks like Jason Momoa.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And you're like, what the fuck, dude?

And then you at least think that that's who you're hiring.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, this guy needs to hire an actor.

That's what actors are for, guys.

Come on.

Come on.

Okay.

Come on.

I got some funny stuff to show you.

Oh, I love it.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Let's go.

Ciderfly.

Oh, my God.

No.

Oh!

What the fuck, dude?

He was...

I think

he was trying to do the shoulder.

Uh-uh.

And he actually hit him here, which means he knocked him out.

Can I tell you something?

I can see our sons doing dumb shit like this in 10 years.

Yeah, of course.

This is what dumb boys, this is what boys do.

He completely missed the shoulder.

What do you think?

He's trying to reach.

Oh my god.

And he hits him in the neck and he knocks him out.

No.

Yeah, side of the face, neck.

Totally.

Wow.

That guy's dead, right?

He was unconscious.

That guy lost his brain.

That was pretty horrible, guys.

Thanks for sharing.

This is going to go well.

They never know when to let go.

Never.

Oh, shit.

Dude, I knew that was coming.

You let go on the way out.

You stupid.

You get the feeling.

You have to feel that, dude.

He's got no rhythm.

You got to feel that.

Fuck.

Let's watch it again.

Your country is so fucking.

He fucked up, homie.

This looks like Europe's drinking.

He's drunk.

Of course it's Europe.

It's Eastern Europe.

If I'm betting.

This is my truck.

Yeah, it's Croatia, of course.

Like, oh, right there.

Now, now.

And he's drunk, yeah.

Holy

ribs, back.

So lucky it wasn't head.

But he's drunk, so he's relaxed.

Yeah, he's fine.

He might be okay.

I could see them doing this in Hungary, too.

Like, a couple of times, they just put like a fucking...

What is that?

A crane?

It's being a cunt to the horse.

Whoa!

I hate horses.

This is why I hate them.

This is exactly why I hate horses.

Direct to the dome.

Yeah, dude.

Fuck horses.

She could be a low IQ individual.

For sure, dude.

She's passing the bar exam right now.

She was fucking right.

Fuck this horse.

Dude, can I tell you something?

Normally I defend the animal, but in this case, I bet you that horse is a real fucking horse.

She said it.

Yeah, she's a fucking horse.

Because horse girls are super nice.

Horse girls are all about that life.

They love animals.

So for this woman to be like, fuck you, horse, this horse sucks, dude.

This horse does suck.

And the horse lets you know that you suck, too.

Dude, fuck the horse.

Oh, shit.

You overshot it.

That was a human cannonball thing.

Like, this is also definitely not in the States.

There's no way.

I think it is.

I'm going to go for Lily.

It's the South.

Yeah, dude, because look at the backpack.

That's like a military American backpack.

Where is it, Josh?

I guess they all knew.

Burger.

No, this is America.

This could be the South.

This is like fucking.

Oh, yeah, Riverside.

Oh, Riverside, California.

Yeah.

What's up?

He shattered his ribs and has a lacerated liver.

Of course.

That's Riverside.

And.

Oh.

I'm sure he has health insurance.

I'm sure they should give it to him.

Yeah.

How much do you think you get paid to shoot yourself out of a cannon at the Riverside County Fair?

16 bucks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You do it for the love of the game.

Yeah, for sure.

That's passion there.

That's love.

This guy's fucking paralyzed.

Um, I wanted to bring

about something that I am always amazed by Pajiski effects, but when we were together in London and we went out, we were in a store somewhere, yeah, it blew your mind.

I didn't know that was real at the time that there's something called a spring jacket.

I had no idea that there was an item called a spring jacket, meaning an item like

a jacket you would just wear in the springtime.

Because to me, that seems so wasteful.

Like, why would I buy a jacket just for spring?

I didn't even

like the expression of a light jacket.

But that's what I thought.

So I thought there was a light jacket and then like a winter coat.

Well, there are.

But then a spring jacket.

Are there summer jackets?

Yeah.

I know there's a winter coat.

You know, there's summer jackets.

And I'm learning that for the first time, too.

Yeah.

There's a

summer jacket.

Summer jackets usually just, you know, they have less lining.

They breathe easier.

Yeah.

Did not know this that there was a spring jacket.

Never in my life.

Never thought that there were jackets for different seasons?

Only a winter coat.

That's it?

There's only winter coats?

Because that makes sense to me.

You should get a winter coat.

A spring jacket.

Can I tell you honestly, a spring jacket sounds superfluous.

It sounds unnecessary.

Like, why can't you just put on a sweater?

It's like a waste of money to buy a spring jacket.

Got it.

So when the guy told me this is a spring jacket, I saw your brain just short circuit.

I watched it and you were like, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

And he was like, for spring.

I had no idea that.

But to be fair, I think, Nayana, didn't you not know that too?

Or was it Heather?

I had no idea.

See?

I didn't really know either.

I just kind of go, it's a jacket or it's a coat.

Right.

That's for

sure.

That's a rich person, like a real bougie thing.

Yes.

I've never heard of it because we never had this growing up.

No way.

A spring jacket.

No, it's too bougie for me.

Okay.

Now I'm all about it, though.

I understand.

Gotcha.

You knew this the whole time?

Of course.

Why didn't you fucking tell me, dude?

I didn't think I had to.

Why don't you tell me?

We're married for 20 years.

You never tell me.

I didn't.

I didn't tell you.

It took you about 15 years to tell me it's not a sun visor.

It's just a visor.

I mean, it never came up.

Honestly, if it had come up earlier, I would have, yeah.

The other day you let me walk around with food in my teeth.

I was smiling like a donkey with lettuce in my teeth.

You need to look out for me, dude.

I look out for you.

What are you talking about?

None on these things.

The spring jacket thing never came up.

I've never had an instance where I could have been like, oh, you know, it's a spring jacket.

You know, you got to educate me on like civilized people.

But I mean, you know, I don't know these things.

Okay.

All right.

By the way, I'm just seeing, I told you this, but I thought this is funny to share.

I'm relearning Hungarian.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I, I don't know, dude.

I just think it's whatever.

It's time.

And because I spoke Hungarian before I spoke English, and then I lost it because my parents, once we came to America, were like, oh, no, no, we're American.

You fuck this language.

You don't speak this anymore.

So I'm relearning it.

And it's fascinating because apparently all the things I thought were just exclusive to my family being an asshole, like I thought we were just assholes.

It's cultural.

Yeah.

They're like, you are assholes.

We're all assholes.

And that's what I'm learning from my Hungarian tutor.

She's like, oh, no, that's just, you're just being Hungarian.

And I was like, that fucking blew my mind.

Give me an example.

Okay, so first of all,

so I was, I asked, we're learning basic things like, how do you ask for a coffee?

Serat nik ed kavet.

Serat nik ed kavet.

I would like coffee.

Okay.

And I go, well, what if I went to like a Starbucks and they say, like, may I please have a coffee?

And she's like, no, you don't, you don't say please.

I'm like, what?

Like, no, there's no need to say please, overly polite.

Why would you say please?

They don't say please when you're like ordering from another human being.

Even like little things like,

you know,

hand me that book.

I was like, can you say,

please, like, if I say it to my husband, sweetie, you know, please have me.

She's like, that's too much.

You don't need to say please.

Just say, hand me the fucking book.

Yeah, that's.

That's so cool, right?

And she said that, like, all the cursing is.

normal culture.

Standard issue.

And

all the stuff that, yes,

they curse like sailors.

Everything is fuck, Bozmeg, this, fuck that.

Your mother's this.

And that's like so normal.

And we say it in, you know, tutoring.

And also, too.

You say it in the tutoring sessions?

Because it's totally cultural.

Okay.

And even like, it's so fucked up because like these phrases I would hear all the time as a kid.

Yeah.

Like, oh, they dad shit.

Like, hand me a beer.

Like, my dad would tell me that all the time.

Like, go get me a beer.

Go get me a beer.

Like, I knew that right away.

Get me a beer.

Yeah.

He didn't say please, did he?

No, please.

No, alleged sea fish.

No, just fucking do this.

Do it.

So culturally, we're dicks.

It's very, but it's actually very liberating because I'm like, I just thought I was kind of an asshole.

Yeah.

Like, why am I so rude?

And, and, cause you've told me before, you're like, hey, dude, you need to camouflage your face.

People can tell if you don't like them.

Can you, you know, do you remember?

You told me.

See, looking out for you.

You're looking out for me.

Thank you.

But I didn't realize it's just, she's like, yeah, you're Eastern European.

That's what they are.

and i'm like oh it's such a relief you know smile smile like a donkey you do not smile and you don't laugh or smile unless there's like a real reason and you're not friendly to people in public like if someone just starts talking to you they're like what the well do you remember that there was like that clip you i think you shared it with me where it was a guy on the streets in moscow yeah and he was like would you like to be happy to like all these different russians they were like no

off get out of my do you want happiness and they're like get out of here get out of here no

everybody said no no Yeah, we're a very friendly people.

The Americans, the English.

Western Europe is way friendly.

Not all of them.

The French are the shit.

That kind of counts.

Yeah.

Germans are kind of abrupt too.

But Eastern European, 100%.

Like, you're encouraged to kind of be a dick.

Yeah.

And I asked her, too, I was like, is that because of communism?

Like, did the Russians crush our joy?

Like prior to that?

Were we like nice?

She's like, no, it's Eastern European.

It's just what is just how it is.

There's no please.

You don't say please.

Our youngest asked me yesterday or the day before.

He goes, you've been doing Italian now for a while.

Do you speak Italian?

I was like, I mean, better than I used to.

He's like, but you don't.

You're not like perfect.

And I was like, no.

Stupid.

He was like,

why do you keep doing it?

I'm like, because I like it.

I like trying to learn.

He's like, you keep doing this Italian.

I was like, yeah, I'm trying, man.

Such a little dick.

So I guess Zolo told me, I guess we played this guy a few years ago,

and there's an update.

So you're going to kind of recognize maybe the old image of him that's in this clip.

And then

there's nothing better than jail videos, right?

Guys in jail.

So here's what's going on.

My name is Jason Bukovich.

And for those of you that are new to this channel or don't know,

I was sentenced to 23 years in prison for tracking down and assaulting men that had crimes against children.

And since that day, I've been known as the Alaskan Avenger.

And now my life has been given purpose by uplifting young ones and helping families whose children have been assaulted.

So he would put it upon himself to learn of somebody who had committed a crime against a child and then going and assaulting that person.

Great.

What state did he get convicted in?

I guess Alaska.

Oh, come to Texas, son.

We'll give you a medal of honor.

You're in the wrong state, my man.

I gotta tell you, it feels pretty good to get up in the morning and not be in prison anymore.

Now, when me and the boys were doing time, we used to think to ourselves, man, it would be dope if Alaska did conjugal visits, wouldn't it?

I'd have my girl come right now.

If there's a lot of dudes you do time with, that shouldn't be around any girl at all, much less an older woman.

And then, hmm.

Wait a minute.

What?

Now let me break this down for you.

I think I'm going to need to put on my shades.

Now God bless this sweet woman, but this is David Brinson who was doing multiple life sentences with no chance of parole plus 20 years because he's a mass murderer.

And when you live like this for the rest of your life, let me tell you what you tell a woman that's giving you some attention.

Anything you can to get her to come in for the conjugal visit.

And from the heart, God bless this sweet woman who has now passed away, but check it out.

Ladies, don't go do conjugal visits with mass murderers inside penitentiaries because you know why?

They might do things like strangle you, cut you up into little pieces.

They might even cut your scalp off and try to put it on and escape out of the prison.

And you know what?

For sure, rest in peace to that poor lady who went to see the mass murderer and got strangled.

Damn, how come I couldn't get a conjugal visit when I was down?

I guarantee she would have left sticky and confused and very happy.

I'm a huge fan.

Yeah, he's cool.

I like him.

Yeah, I like him too.

Yeah, he's in the wrong state.

Yeah, well, he's free.

He's doing his thing.

Yeah, move to Texas.

You can do your thing here.

Oh, shit.

Is this 6.18 in the morning?

It's Monday morning.

I got to go to work.

Oh, my God.

Is it Monday morning already?

We're going to do this again.

And this might seem basic to you, but if you're out there, even if you got one of these,

always brush your teeth.

this is good advice makes you look good i'd hire him yeah

help you out in job interviews now even though i'm just a tatted up middle-aged guy i do care about style so which one do you think goes better with sawdust this one or this one yeah you're totally right i'm gonna go with this one now tell the truth is it weird that i vacuum my room before i go to work I like it clean when I come home.

That's some real jailhouse shit I think.

It is.

But it taught him discipline.

It looks like he likes that regimented life.

I hope he's successful.

I think, I mean, he's got a nice place.

He takes good care of it.

He takes care of it.

I'm glad somebody hired him.

It's somebody who obviously knows his story.

And they were like, yeah, that's not that bad.

Hell yeah.

Fucked up child.

That's cool.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah, we like this guy.

Didn't we try to add money to his commissary and everything?

Back in like 2020, when he first got arrested, we found out about him and tried to send him money.

And he got sentenced to 28 years.

I think he only did like six.

Good.

Yeah, it was cool.

He was going around with a hammer and beating these guys up with it.

Yeah, really fucking them up bad.

I love it.

Oh, that's another story.

Like this, Kane Velasquez, the former UFC heavyweight champ, he attacked and assaulted a guy who had, I believe,

done something to his niece.

But he's now only going to serve.

He got sentenced to four years, and I think he's two years in.

So he's going to get out in like two years.

Great.

Yeah.

I think you should be absolved.

And most people were just like, why are we.

Why are you even convicting that?

I mean,

that's the last guy you'd want to show up.

Of course.

It should be open season on these predators.

I agree.

Open season.

For children?

Absolutely.

They should be allowed to.

You should be allowed to.

Absolutely.

No fucking way.

I mean, look, what's more precious than a baby, man?

My name is Phil, and I like to dress as a baby.

Sweet little boy.

Sadly, Phil has been forced to keep his lifestyle choices

as he's afraid to tell his closest friends and

one of the hardest things for me is having to hide my lifestyle living as a baby.

Well, now we know it affect my work.

I don't want people to think I'm a weirdo.

You are.

To me, it's just normal.

Yeah.

It takes away all the stress of being an adult.

I don't have to worry about bills and things like that.

I just have to worry about things that children worry about.

He looks like he's a blue-collar guy.

I think they're going to be real cool at the

construction site.

They colour books, I watch kids' films, play with children's toys.

So usually I'd make Phil something fresh like a blended bacon sandwich but it's hard with us like this so I'm just doing this for now.

Oh

I actually enjoy running around after Phil.

We've never had kids of our own and we don't plan to.

So it's kind of like being a parent.

but without the pain of giving birth.

See, it seemed like a perfect match.

She's having fun doing it too.

Would you like to do this with me?

You could change my die-dye and give me a bath

and feed me my food.

Meh.

Meh, I want pussy.

Meh.

I've seen that.

So many pee-pees.

So many feelings.

Oh, shit.

That stops.

That's what she does, right?

After he pees.

It's hard now.

Yeah.

Wham.

That's the part that's fucked up, is that they fuck after this, right?

For sure.

I don't like this.

You know what I mean?

He comes and he goes.

All right, I don't like it.

Also, I don't like that everybody has to be out with their sexual proclivities.

I think having some shame and keeping it hidden is totally fine.

It's just

letting it out.

Why does everyone have to be out with everything?

There's some things that are shameful.

Society frowns upon.

Keep that shit hidden, dude.

Yeah.

Keep that shit hidden.

Why does he have to be out?

Why do I have to know what makes his dick hard in his his diaper?

I don't want to know.

He made a TV show about it.

Oh my God.

You're right.

He was to keep it a secret.

I don't know if they're going to accept me.

Here's a fucking camera crew in my house.

God, it's crazy.

Yeah, he did that in front of cameras.

Yeah.

They're all going to know now.

That's what every time I watch one of these shows, like, I just don't want anyone to find out.

I'm like, what are you, you're on television.

I know.

It's like Megan Markle, like, oh, I don't want everybody following us.

And then she makes Netflix shows.

It's insane.

It is insane.

Totally insane.

God, if I were into anything like this, I would keep it such such a secret.

God, I'm ashamed of the normal stuff you and I do.

You know what I mean?

You are?

Well, I mean, I don't share everything we do with people.

It's weird.

It's so cruise.

I hate it.

And also.

Where's my passy?

I'm glad these fools don't have kids.

But once you do have kids, you're going to get sick of watching those movies right quick.

You're going to get sick of cleaning up.

No, they wouldn't be doing this.

You wouldn't be doing that.

Well, actually, they wouldn't be able to.

No, you can't do shit with your kids.

You want to see something cool?

Always.

Little protests.

He's dead.

Uh-uh.

Yeah.

Just from that?

Well, that high-powered water hose hit him in such a way that his head hit that concrete.

Yeah.

What country is it?

I don't know.

I don't think that's America right now.

Let me see.

Where is that?

It's in Tuesday.

It's a Tuesday.

It's in Turkey.

Oh.

Water cannon.

He died.

Oh, no.

They're in such turmoil right now, those poor Turkish.

Yeah.

This is why they shouldn't let people protest.

I think you should.

Dude,

look how hard this is He's like, yeah, hit me with that water.

Boom.

Oh, these poor people.

Those things rockets at you.

I was in

the central plaza in Madrid when they won the European Cup.

This is in 2001.

And everybody was in this plaza.

And they sent out the riot cops with the water cannons and the pellet bags, like shotguns that shoot.

Man, I got out of that shit.

So I was hauling.

But I was watching people get sprayed down with them.

Get the fuck out of there.

You see the cops coming?

Leave, dude.

Yeah.

Leave.

Yeah.

Why are you going to hang out for this shit?

Mm-hmm.

No, run.

Pretty crazy.

Run, fool.

No way, these Turkish police, you think they give a fuck?

Yeah.

Countries.

They don't give a fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Yeah, dude.

Turkish prison.

Turkish prison.

If you don't know, I put some fall dates on sale.

The summer will be down for me, but there's a bunch of new cities cities for the fall uh they're at tomsagero.com slash tour i'm hitting a whole bunch of different cities in let's see where are we going are you going to anchorage yeah i am going to anchorage uh that's coming up soon but in the fall yeah i have akron daytona west palm clearwater fort myers allentown poughkeepsie mashantucket newark brooklyn Long Island, Hanover, Gary, Indiana, West Lafayette, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, and Marillo, Lubbock El Paso Tucson Colorado Springs Green Bay Pasadena Vegas Long Beach Freant Tacoma

Huntsville California Birmingham and Columbia Pokland California

Alosnatcha I'm very excited oh my god this is the thing I wanted to bring about

So just over the last week, I did a couple shows.

I did Oklahoma City and Houston.

When I got to Oklahoma City, this was on the wall,

a photo that just says, you get the glove.

And then they had like 25 gloves hanging from the wall.

Oh, my God.

And then they made an entire display.

Like, look at that wall.

That's one of the walls.

Oh my God.

Then they had this entire display of a movie poster, a movie poster called Glove Actually.

And it's Jennifer Aniston and me.

And it had movie reviews and the log line of what the movie was.

What does it say here?

A movie so unexpected, even Jennifer Anderson probably didn't know she was in it.

Glove actually is absurdly bad.

It feels less like a movie and more like an elaborate prank.

Tom Segre is playing on the entire audience.

But if you go to the, I don't know if you can see on the other side there, or it might be in the video, it has the log line of the movie.

They wrote out the entire log line of this movie.

This is crazy.

Where it tells you what the film is about, and it has a one-star review and 1% on Rotten Tomatoes.

That's awesome.

But Vince the Glove DiLorenzo is a used car salesman in Oklahoma City who thinks his lucky red sports glove is the key to closing every deal.

When Jennifer Anderson walks in looking for a fancy car, Vince goes all in using his glove to seal the deal.

But

when he takes things too far, like offering her an ice cream sundae to sweeten the deal, the situation spirals out of control.

In In the end, Vince discovers that the real magic isn't in the glove.

It's an honesty connection and maybe a little over-the-top salesmanship.

One out of ten on IMDb, one percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

The comedy-drama hybrid of the year.

It's beautiful.

Well, whoever

did this in Oklahoma City, I just want to be clear when I tell you this.

You get the glove.

Great job, man.

So elaborate they painted that on.

Yeah.

I mean, that's not just a poster, you guys.

That's painted on the bricks.

It's backstage.

That's amazing.

They did an incredible job.

So funny.

Anison, I'm sure, is going to have the same reaction as us.

She's going to be elated.

But yeah, thank you so much for doing that.

The OKC crowd, I have to just say, was fucking unbelievable.

It was so much fun.

You just never know.

You never know.

And they were unbelievable.

One of the best shows of the whole tour.

That's awesome, Jesus.

All right.

That's it.

We got to run.

Oh, what's everybody?

What's everybody?

Love you.

Thanks Thanks for watching.

Thanks for listening.

You get the glove.

See you next week.

S A R T S A R T S A R T S A R T the word was S A R T S A R T We watched what happened.

I watched what happened in Brexit.

S A R V the word was start, start, start, start, S A R T the word was start, start, start, start, S A R T.

The word was start, start, start, start, S A R T.

The word was start, start, part, start, S-A-R-T, S-A-R-T, S-A-R-T, S-A-R-T.

The word was fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart.

Why isn't the government talking about how to retain skilled labor?

Why isn't the infrastructure minister talking about how to implement infrastructure funds and get construction workers back to work in Alberta?

Why does this government treat Alberta like a fart in the room that nobody wants to talk about or acknowledge?

S A R T laughing at me.

Fart, fart, S A R T and they're laughing at you.

S A R T laughing at me.

Fart, fart, S A R T

We watch what happened, fart, fart, fart, fart.

I watched what happened.

Fart, fart, fart, fart.

We watch what happened, fart, fart, fart, fart.

Oh, and by the way, constituents.

Point of order, point of order, point of order, point of order, point of order, point of order.

laughing at me, fart, laughy, laughing at me,

laughing at me,

laughing at me, laughing at me, fart, laughy, laughing at me,

laughing at me, fart, laughy, laughing at me, laughing at me.

We watched what happened, fart, fart, fart, fart.

I watched what happened, fart, fart, fart, fart.

We watched what happened.

Fart, fart, fart, fart.

Oh, and by the way, constituents

fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, part,

part, part, part,

part, part, part, part, part, part,

part, part,

part, part, part,

part, part, part,

part, part,

part, part,

part, part,