Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805

What's up, everybody? It's Tom Sagura. Tickets for my fall dates of the Come Together Tour are on sale right now.
You can get them, no code words, no special signs, no handshakes.

Just go to tomsagura.com/slash tour and pick up those tickets. I will see you there this fall.
A whole bunch of cities have been added. Thank you, I love you, and I will see you there.

Well, welcome, welcome to your mom's house

Saving on your education should be a right, not a competition. At University of Phoenix, you'll get the best scholarship or savings you qualify for.
Simple as that.

Explore scholarship options at University of Phoenix.

Dude,

that burp you laid, did they get to hear that before we started rolling, you and I don't know. That was mighty, mighty.
Oh, Niana just nodded. Oh, cool.

You guys get to hear what I hear all the time. Yeah.
We'll talk about that a bit more today because you've been in special form and I have a theory why and I'm going to get into that. Oh, really?

You have a theory? I don't know about this theory. I do.
Oh, cool, man. I do.

It's. What's everybody? What's everybody? It's great to be here.

We have so many cool updates to share with you. A lot of cool things going on.
Yeah. A lot of cool updates.

Do you want to

show off and say what you did yesterday? Oh, you're just going to get into it right now? Why not? This leads into my theory as to why you've been ramping up the burps, the farts, the hawking loogies.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday for the first time in my life. Yeah.
Hold the applause. And it's not for any reason.
It was just a standard thing, so don't worry.

And I think... And I'm just going to put this out here and see if this sounds like familiar.
I think you're a little jellies

because A, I got to watch everything come out of me in in a waterfall fashion i got some cool farts and i got a propofol nap that's am i saying that right propofol yeah

and i think you're jealous and you're just showing off a little bit you're peacocking a little does that sound familiar yeah i don't think that's i i am insanely jealous that you got anesthesia so good because it's my favorite thing and it's it's the only thing i haven't really reached out to somebody for i'm trying to find a doctor that'll do it like michael jackson yeah 100 and by the way i'll pay I'll pay cash.

Yeah. I'll do what you want.
I want you to come to the house. I want you to give me propofol.
You have to sleep in a chamber, though. Didn't he sleep in a hyperbaric chamber?

I feel like you have to sleep in one. He just puts like the thing on your head.
Yeah, you just need a doctor to monitor you, you know? All night. Dude, did MJ just have a doctor all night monitor?

Well, that guy was there all the time. I don't know if he spent the night all the time, but that's crazy.
His tolerance went way, way up. Yeah.

Because he was able to metabolize the propofol in increasing amounts so quickly that they had to keep ramping it up. It's wild because my brain was totally charred after it.

Like yesterday I had brain sapphire. Imagine you're the doctor.

Killed Michael Jackson. What happened to him? I'm sure he's in prison by now.
He did have to serve some time, but I don't know what ultimately.

See, this is the crazy thing about really rich celebrities is you can find anybody to do

anything. Yeah.
As long as they don't have morals.

He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter,

inadvertently overdosing with a powerful surgical anesthetic, propofol. Uh, he served just under two years of his original four-year sentence, Conrad Murray.

Yeah, yeah, dude, that's a powerful way to sleep. Honestly, that's a little too much.
Like, you're just dead, you're basically dead all day. There he is, yeah.
He looks good, he looks cool.

Yeah, I wonder what he's doing these days. I don't know, because I'll tell you this: if you can still get your hands on that propofol, I'll hire you.
No,

I'll hire you tonight, but I do have something really relevant to the YMH world world that I'd like to bring to the light. Yeah.
So, by the way, colonoscopy, no biggie.

I really thought it would be way worse than it was. Not a big deal.

You drink this nasty shit that makes you basically waterfall dump for hours. For hours, fine.
It doesn't hurt. How many times do you think you sat on the toilet? Oh, my gosh.

80.

No.

87? No, there's no way. It was not that many times.
Because I like to get up. I would sit down and try to watch something.
It was an 80 something. Shit again.
It was a lot. It was 180.

And I'd feel a tug. But that's the thing, it's not painful.
It's not like diarrhea where you're like, oh, like bent over. No cramping.
You just feel like a little like, boop, boop.

And then you go sit down. Hello.
And then, but you better sit down fast. There's no time to spare because you sit down and water.
Eventually water comes out of your butthole. Yeah.

Here's the cool part at 4 a.m.

Are you ready? I'm ready. At 4 a.m., I was browning water, just clear water, which is where you're supposed to get.
At one point, water was coming out of my beehole and

piss was coming out of my p-hole.

Now, we've got the double pipe classic, which is a bourbon to fart at the same time.

What would you call, since you coined it, you're in the urban dictionary. Yeah.
When you brown water and pee at the same time. Wow.
It's like double stream magic. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah.
Double stream magic. Yeah.

I don't think that's ever going to happen again in my life. I don't know.
Shit is. But it magic.

Like in unison.

But you're not shitting shit. Just to clarify.
You're shitting water. You're literally just, you sit down and water comes out of your bum.
It's wild. Oh, no.

Yeah. Yeah.
What did you call it? A double stream magic. Yeah, yeah.
I advise everybody to get their colonoscopy just to experience a double stream magic. I would say this too.
It really.

They made it pretty clear. Getting, everyone thinks, I don't want to do that.
They prevent so many deaths and catch so many things early by getting colonoscopies.

If you're over 40 and you haven't had one, you know, it's just, you owe it to yourself, to your family, you should do it. It's totally, yeah, it's a total thing.

It's a preventative thing, and it's how they know, oh, something's up with your GI track. We got to do it something.

If you don't do it, it's... Everything's, it's way too late when you're like, I'm fucking shitting blood.
Well, and also those kits that they say, oh, you just scrape your poo and then you nail it in.

Those are not, it's too late. By the time it shows up there, you've already got cancer, you're fucked, you're dead.
Yeah, so just go. And by the way, the actual procedure, 20 minutes.
20 minutes long.

And by the way, you get a propofol nap. I know, it is the best part.
I was so jealous. You were.
You always are when I get anesthesia. I know.
You're so. Well, I'm signing up for one just to get that.

Because I've had one.

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago, but it's time for another, and I'm super jealous. And I just want to get.
I know you're jealous. That's why you've been ramping up the burps and the farts.

Do you want me to talk about what you did yesterday? That's fine. I don't care.

You're so gross. So you're driving me to the colonoscopy.
Where to stoplight? Yeah. And lately, even really phlegmy.
And I don't know if it's the air here in Austin, the allergies.

And where to stop light? And you're sneezing and you're sneezing. And then

you're doing this horking shit that you do as a dad.

And then you,

and I see it in the corner of my eye. You're pushing the button.
for the window to roll down and then you do like an old Chinese guy. You go

and then you hog

hog the loogie out of the car window like an old man it was so fucking disgusting

so fucking disgusting I sneezed and what happened was when I sneezed supervising what I know all the snot came into my mouth and I had just

oh my god so it's like either spit out the window or just swallow it. No, that's what a handkerchief is for.
Gentlemen have handkerchiefs and you spit your spittle.

By the way, I have to to kiss your mouth. You know that? I kiss your mouth.

And it makes me think, too, and what I realize is you don't wash your hands nearly as much as I thought you did. Well, I don't, first of all, I never wash my hands after I pee.
That's nonsense.

You wash your hands before you pee. That's what I do.
Because my penis is clean. My hands are not.

Why don't I do before and after? Because we can't piss on your hands. No, it's fine.

Why is it fine? It's urine on your hand. It's delicious, it's sterile, and it's good for you.

I do not wash my hands after I pee, and you are a fool, and you're letting the government tell you what to do if you do that. Psyops.
Yeah.

So you wash your hands before you touch your delicate, beautiful. I agree with that.

If I shit, I wash my right hand only because that's the hand that I wiped with. I don't wash my left hand.

You know what? As a fellow disgusting human, I'll take that. Because I do that too.
When I piss and I wipe, I just wash my right hand. Yeah.
And then I don't even dry it off.

People are always asking me, why don't don't you wash the other hand? Why am I wasting all that water and soap and everything? It's insane.

I don't think, do you think there's a reason to wash both hands, Josh? I don't think there's a reason. I mean, the other hand kind of helps with the washing process, I feel like.

No, otherwise you gotta do, yeah, you gotta do one of those things. But I feel like that's not as thorough.

I like that. Yeah, Sean gives me a lot of grief about it.
About what? How I wash and when I wash. And he's like, did you just wash your right hand? And I go, yeah, that's the one I used.

You're so vulgar and vile to your people that work with you, too. You fucking fart on them.
You fart around them. By the way, too, you've been ramping up your farts production.
His team,

like, they've stopped me multiple times and they're like, I like when you fart. Nobody likes when you fart.
Nobody. Yeah.

Nobody likes when you fart. Nobody.
A lot of the staff has told me that it's awesome when you fly. You know what he's been doing too in the house?

Is when you fart, it's bad enough that you fart all the time, all the time, all the time.

Now you lay on your back and you pull your legs in the air like the dye-dye, and you're only wearing underwear.

No shirt, nothing else, just your panties, and then you rip them and you do it in front of our children. Yeah, they like that, they do like it.

But I told them, I said, don't do this in front of your kids. The kids like it, the staff loves it.
That's fine. The staff does not like it.
They do like it. Nobody likes it.
All right, here we go.

Nobody likes it. Wait, what's that face, Diana?

She didn't like it.

I don't approve.

What are you talking about?

I just think farts are a little disrespectful. Wow.

Wow.

I have to be fair across the board because I always yell at Ennie for farting.

Is Ennie just freely farting now? Yes. Yeah, sometimes.
I mean, that went from zero fart policy to all the time now. That is crazy.
He totally changed his tune with that. He's an animal.

Like many others, coffee plays a crucial role in my daily routine. I simply can't get going without my morning cup.

I also have high standards when it comes to coffee, and I was growing tired of settling for the generic brands at the grocery store. That's why I decided to give Trade a try.

It's a coffee subscription service that brings freshly roasted coffee directly to my doorstep.

Trade is the leading specialty coffee marketplace in the U.S., offering selections from over 50 of the country's top roasters. Just take their quick quiz.

Less than a minute later, they'll match you with the perfect coffee for your taste.

And if the first bag isn't quite right, no worries, Trade will replace it for for free until they find your ideal match.

Since every bag is roasted to order, you'll notice and appreciate the difference in both taste and aroma from the very first sip. I like having it here at the office.

We get a wide variety of different types of coffee that everybody has something that fits their palate.

Right now, Trade is exclusively offering our listeners 40% off your first order at drinktrade.com/slash YMH. That's drink trade,

T-R-A-D-E dot com slash YMH for 40% off your first order. Drinktrade.com/slash YMH.
True Work is hell-bent on creating the most technical, high-performance workwear in the world.

The True Work story begins in the Colorado Mountains, where a trade worker knew there had to be a better solution than the wet, heavy gear that was weighing him down. True Work was born.

These guys sent incredible products to us, man. The pants feel so good.
The flannel is exactly what you want. Keeps you warm.
You can move around in it. It's not restrictive.

Every True Work product is engineered for maximum comfort, protection, and efficiency with minimum bulk or extra weight. Denim and cotton canvas haven't changed much for over 200 years.

TrueWork upgrades traditional classics by using the same fabrics worn by elite outdoor athletes. Soft, stretchy, sweat-wicking soft shell work pants are a major upgrade over wet, heavy jeans.

Wind and waterproof shells use intelligently placed insulation for streamlined warmth that lets you stay mobile and agile. Upgrade to True Work for a major change in the way you work.

True Work helps you be your best when your best matters most. Check out the full lineup and get your 15% off your first order at truework.com/slash YMH.

That's 15% off at T-R-U-E-W-E-R-K dot com/slash YMH.

In

honor of Ennie who's not here today,

our opening clip is what I like to call Enny's Inner Thoughts. Here we go.

Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes. I always lied to them.
Right off rip. Shit.
I'm broke. So soon as before they start the shit, I'm broke.
I'm unemployed. Now, let's start right there.

We can build on that shit.

Cool.

Holy friend. Don't bring anyone mother for this.
No mama in the fucking stairs. Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Mom Segura and Christina Pojitsi.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, mama, ma, babe.

Mommy,

yeah, yeah, it's your mommy.

She lives in my mom's house.

Me, sure you do.

Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes. 11.

Yeah, I wish Eddie was here to play his inner thoughts for him.

Don't compliment that bitch. He's not here.

But this guy is awesome. He's been giving out, he gives out unsolicited advice to other young men who are in the field, you know, dating,

trying to make it work with ladies, and he gives them just great advice. Why y'all being sweet to a bitch and all kind and nice and trying to figure her out and shit?

Y'all trying to tell her what you think she wants to hear. I tell that bitch what she don't want to hear.
Ho, you are fucking replaceable.

Replaceable than a motherfucker, because I'm fucking him, bitch. Fuck going on with you.
You're replaceable. Yeah.

You're not special. You're not unique.
You can't count on me. I'm not reliable.
You can't depend on me. and I can't count on you, or you're not reliable, and I can't depend on you on bro.

That's tight. Can I tell you, though? Yeah, this is definitely the game my father has run with women his entire life, and it works.
It works with a certain type of broad, yeah, this is their jam.

They love it, they love it because they're like, Maybe I can, I love you, maybe I can change it. How do I get approval? How do I get approval? Yeah, how do I get the approval on game?

Stop playing with me, stop playing with me, real shit, real nigga shit.

That's what my dad does.

Y'all going about it wrong. Y'all being nice to the bitch.
But what really gets her going and get her juices blown is you being hard on the bitch. That's exactly what my dad would say.

Tell that bitch, you don't give two shits about no hoe. I don't give a fuck about no bitch.

Yep.

He does do that. My dad does this a thousand percent to the hoes.
This is exactly how he got wet. And probably like this guy, your dad's got numbers, man.
Numbers. Yeah.
I mean, I've seen him do it.

Like, I've seen him be like, come on, baby.

I don't do this.

Like, he'll just tell them straight up, nope, nope, nope. But they come back.
You're right. They want more.

So, does that mean that someone like your dad, like, are they incapable of falling for someone? Do they ever fall for someone? Or that's just not even in their

they do. My father has, I think, but then they get bored and restless because real intimacy is not on the table.
Like, it's not, they're not capable.

And if there's a bump in the road, like, forget it. We're done.

It's too much work. You're boring.
It's too much work. It's either super boring or it's too much work.
And I don't want to do it. Yeah.
there's no long term. Wow,

just totally. That's horrible.
Whoa, and then I tried to get his approval too as his daughter for years. You ever think about that fucked up game? Yeah.

Wow, I'm so glad I didn't marry a guy like that. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, sure. I could have done that, Tommy.
That could have been me. Well, you ain't shit.
You're

a full shit, bitch. Oh, I like that.
You ain't shit.

That would put, that would be like, ooh, that's too much. Too close to the vote.
You know, I guess. Will this make you happy?

That's how you get a bitch to give you that asshole. For sure.
By the way, now that I've had colonoscopy clean, the day is now if we wanted to butt fuck because there's nothing in there.

Don't say if we wanted to. We want to.
There's nothing in there. We want to, and we're going to.
Today? I just had the thing in my bee yesterday. That's fine.

Aren't you not supposed to butt fuck after? No, no. The doctor said, if you're going to butt fuck, do it in the next 48 hours.

Do you think gay guys have cleaner bees than we do? I do. I think they empty themselves out out more.
Like, way more. Yeah.
Enemas. For sure.

Remember how routine when we had, uh, we had, we asked Pierce. Yeah.
Uh, and he was just like, oh, yeah, you just kind of flushed it with warm water.

You go through the routine, it all comes out clear, ready to rock. Wow.
Yeah. What am I missing out on? Then I guess you're missing out on a lot.
We can figure it out today.

The gay community, their asses are clean like that all the time. Yeah.
Do you want to hear another any inner thoughts? We'd love to. Hold on.

They got all this trauma.

Yeah. Let me tell you how men fuck up.
They get married, they move in with a bitch. Yeah.

These hoes brainwash you into thinking that the only way you really gonna

get treated right by them is if you run some paper.

If you give them what the fuck they want, you pay for their nails and pay for their rent and keep a roof over their head and pay their car note, take care of their kids, whether they're yours or not.

Think about the logic of this shit, bro.

Yeah. Most of these hoes ran through, they overweight, they not tone,

they coochie all

no walls, no bottom.

They got all this trauma in their life. They got all these fucking exes.
They got high body count. This is to me.

They lazy, they selfish, they vain, they narcissist, they psychopath, they sociopath.

They play the victim, they whine and cry. Yep.
Yeah.

They moody, going on their cycle, coming off their cycle, going through menopause. They all the same, young all the way to old.

I told my motherfucking wife she tripping in this that and other and I was like so whatever you go wherever you do motherfuckers gonna expect you to pull your motherfucking weight dead ass a real nigga is dead ass hell yeah wife I can't speak for all them pussies and lames and cornies and goofies and green as fuck motherfuckers they beta males I can't speak for them right

I'm talking about a real nigga Don't expect you to pull your own motherfucking weight, Twenty. That shit is not worth that shit.

That shit is worth investing into to hit it, hit it when you want it, hit it how you want it, hit it as long as you want it, and tell that bitch to leave.

And then when she leaves, when you want her to fucking leave, now that's worth investing into. 100% my dad.
All that other shit.

This is spooky. That's a bitch-ass whole ass fucks you.
This is spooky. My dad's a real N.

I didn't realize that. I was raised by a strong black man.

This is a thousand percent his dad. He's talking about a real dude.
Yeah, and so my dad is.

It's crazy. Wait, did you hear the wife? He's like, I told my wife.
Yeah.

So he's married and he's doing all that he's running game well yeah i mean that's just what he's talking about he's not some baiting a goofy ass lame o green bitch

fucks you

wow

wow dude this guy's rad god it's terrifying i mean this is listen if you're out there if you're a young guy if you're trying to like what's going on with the ladies this is who i would listen to This guy's going to set you up for success.

I mean, look, it's definitely a lane of courtship. Like, we've talked about this before with, what's his name? Tom? Blow me up, Tom.

Yeah, he was an overweight radio DJ in Los Angeles Tom Likas Tom Likas and his whole thing too is like dump that bitch. Don't spend a dime first date.
He was like take him to Burger King. Yeah.
Right.

Yeah.

Like bitch, this is all you're worth.

It's

super cool. It works.
It was with a certain type. Oh, how soon after a colonoscopy can I bot him? Yeah.
Really important. Can you read that? My eyes can't.
Sure, sure. Literally immediately.

This actually might be the perfect time because you're as as cleaned out as you can ever be. But I was thinking, yeah.
Someone says you couldn't be more right. Listen, we are trying this tonight.

We're trying. Well, I'm a little worried now because.
No, no, no. Hold on.
There's no worries. I haven't made a brown yet since my colon asked me.
Like, how long before I make a brown?

You got a while. You got a while.
You got a while. Stop looking stuff up.
We're going to try it.

Guys, Mother's Day is just around the corner. Speaking of awesome fathers, fathers that are real ends.
What about the moms that are real out there? Get them the perfect for my lipstick by Christina P.

That's me. Go to christinap.com.
You can get all four for the absolutely perfect Mother's Day gift. Buy it now so that it gets there in time.
Get that real bitch something for her day, you know?

Tell that bitch, thank you. Tell that bitch.
I thank a bitch. I'm wearing Berlin today.
I think that's far more than anyone else. First, you're probably wrong.

Second, there's an easy fix for smelly flatulence. I'm Dr.
Tricia Pastrica, and I'm a gastroenterologist and an instructor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. Wow.

And here's how to avoid offending people with an ill-timed fart. Real, legitimate GI studies have found that farting anywhere from 10 to 20 times per day is normal.

99% of our intestinal gas is made of odorless gases like nitrogen, methane, carbon dioxide, but 1% contains sulfur and it's that sulfur-containing gas that makes farts smell so bad. Mm-hmm.

That's your farts.

So if you're worried about smelly flatulence before a high-risk social event, take a medication like bismuth salicylate or peptobismol.

These have been shown to reduce 95% of sulfide containing gases and reduce symptoms of flatulence.

There is some concern about salicylate toxicity if you take it regularly in the long term, but if you're just trying to ease your social discomfort for a day or two, by all means, take a dose by mouth up to four times a day beforehand.

You might want to try this before a long flight. It's elementary physics.
As altitude increases, air pressure, including intestinal air pressure, falls, so your intestinal gas has to expand.

And at that point, there's really only one place for it to go. It's why everybody's gassier on an airplane.
Who do you know who needs to hear this?

We've been talking about this for ages, why you get fartier on the flight. Plane farts.
It's confirmed. Also, your farts do smell very sulfuric because you eat a lot of eggs.
Yeah, they do.

Your farts smell horrible. And because we've been together for 20 years now, I know your smells.
Like, I know how they smell. Sniff that one up.
Like, I bet if we, okay, hear me out.

If we did this as a game, I don't know if I would be open to it.

If we had everybody fart into a film container and then I were to smell, like open it and smell it, I bet you I could identify my husband's fart. You think so? Yeah.

Just on the smells alone.

Well, I think the staff's pretty excited about this.

You guys ready to do that? Hell yeah. Tanner's up for it.
I know Tanner's a guy. Niana's down.
Yeah, Niana's down. You're down to fart, Niana?

I'm good. I'm good.
She's just. She does fart here.
I've seen it. You've seen it?

No.

She has this particular corner in the garage where she goes.

Really? Yeah. There's a sign in there.
It says Neanna's Fart Corner. Wow.

Wow, that's nice to know. Yeah.
I smell like a gutter on Bourbon Street in July after I work out, and you deserve freedom from sweat and stink.

Cremo's deodorant is designed to provide men with 48-hour odor protection.

Cremo products are all barber grade and made with pride, professionalism, and passion to guarantee you quality without compromise.

Elevate your deodorant experience with Cremos to latest signature scents. Italian Bergano is bright, fresh, and robust, showcasing notes of bergano, neroli blossom, and fresh vetivel.

Palo Santo is deep, smoky, and refined, featuring notes of Palo Santo, bright cardanom, and dry papyrus.

It's absolutely fantastic smelling. I have their deodorant, I have their body wash, and now I smell delightful.
And you are welcome to see me in person and take a whiff.

Cremo also offers a wide range of other grooming products for men, including shave cream, beard oil, and shampoo.

Head to target or target.com to find Cremo's new line of antiperspirants and deodorants in the Italian Bergamon and Palo Santo Scents. Once again, that's target or target.com.

And now a message from McAfee:

Your package couldn't be delivered.

You owe thousands in unpaid tolls.

You want a free gift. If texts like these sound familiar, McAfee can help.
McAfee automatically identifies text and email scams, as well as AI-generated audio, to help you stay safe.

If they're faking it, they're not making it past us. Get award-winning scam detection today.
McAfee.com slash keepitreal.

You know, we've been, I've been asking other friends that we have, married friends, whether or not their husband rips and blows ass in front of them not a lot do not a lot do honestly like not a lot who says yes

well I can tell you the trestles don't blow ass in front of each other Duncan and Aaron I'm sure they'd be okay with me sharing that they don't

I kind of want to I don't want to out people but okay Shauna and Jimmy are very close my best friend since forever they rip ass in front of each other yeah good they've been together forever or two like we have love I see it.

Real love.

All the other couples that we're friends with doesn't happen. It's disrespect.
It doesn't happen. I don't believe that.

So,

Josh, do you fart in front of your lady? Oh, yeah, 100%. But if she does, I shame her hardcore because that's disgusting.
So toxic. That's like that real end.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's how you got to do it.

Yeah. Check this out, by the way.
I'm so fascinated by this. Check this shit out.
The original, you know what I'm saying?

The original video of RPC is here, right? Black guys who love the fucking fuck good.

If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at $23.95.

You can see where he's laying and all that stuff. The Christmas decorations.
He just put up a new video. Look.

I'm looking for guys who want to fuck, man.

23.95 Wagner House is probably 2C of Bills 18. He's ramped up.
Don't do what you want to do, man. Oof.
That's right. 23.95 Wagner Wagner House is probably 2C of Bill 18.

He's doing so excited.

He's stumbling over.

Yeah, he's fired up again. Yeah.

Man, he's back into it.

Hell yeah. I'm looking for guys who want to fuck, man.

That's so cool. He has never wavered from who he is.
That's my favorite thing about RPC. And the real question is: has he ever found those guys who like to fucking fuck good? Do they ever come over?

Has he ever had it happen? There's got to be someone. There's got to be one.
What, somebody? 23.95 Wagner House is probably

so many years somebody has to have taken up on this is over a decade of this yeah and if you haven't can somebody please i would come up if it were me i would be so sad if if i had put out this this campaign for years for years and you're like who's come over i'm like no one's ever come over

yeah if you go to a bar and you just ask people out

eventually someone says yes right like there's got to be some percentage of yes.

But then again, you know, his criterion is a little specific. He does like black guys who like to fucking fuck good.
You don't have to be able to fuck good. Just fuck.
Just fuck. Are you out of jail?

He's just saying it's open to anything. To any black guy.
So all it is is a black guy. And Latinos.
He says Latinos. Oh, and Latinos.
So black and Latino. There's a lot of those things.

And he lives in a black and Latino neighborhood. Pride, predominantly.
Yeah. I mean, it's just.

I went there. You know, I remember.

I can't believe you went there. yeah we went there during the day yeah of course

yeah

yeah we were like uh people like what are you guys making we were like we should wrap this shit up

do you remember how you felt like when you walked into his apartment for the first time i didn't i didn't walk in

he didn't answer oh that's right yeah we rang the buzzer and he didn't answer and then how did you get to talk to him eventually he came visited me oh yeah in my my unit

wow we fucked and we just had a good time yeah He pity fucked you. Yeah.

You got your Rugie and you almost swallowed it there. I don't know.
I didn't almost swallow it. Yeah.

You're really into these Rugies. My Rugies are awesome.
Yeah. You know what? You should sew a Rugie pocket in your jackets from now on.
That's how much you love those Rugies.

A dedicated Rugie pocket. Yep.
Pretty cool.

What flavor are you into right now? What are you doing?

This is

experiment. And you got your whole crew into them now.
Yeah, everybody's on the Rugies.

Yeah.

Everybody's into the Rugies. I'm converting people.

You are. I've also had people who are like, oh, I do another brand.
And I'm like, try the Rugies out. Yeah.
Rogue. Your Rogie Rugies.
Yeah, my Rogie Rugies. Dang.

Book.

So much better for you. It is so much better for you.

I'm glad to see RPC's back at it. And he's so horny.
Isn't there an age where this decreases? Like, don't you think he's at that point where the testosterone is? This is probably decreased for him.

This is a lot. It took him years to put up another one of these.

We played the first video Josh wrote on the board here seven years ago. Seven years ago.

That had some age on it already. Yeah.
Yeah.

Maybe a decade of this

call.

Yeah. And he's still so horny.
And he looks exactly the same. He looks great.
Hell yeah. Officer Cum Dump looks amazing.
Officer Cum Dump here. Yeah.

He never ages. RPC never ages.
He just looks great. He's so horny.
He's so fired up. Yeah, it's awesome.
I wish I had an ounce of this fired up. Officer Cum Dumps are total pig.

Total pig. Yeah, total pig, Officer Cum Dump is.
Officer Cum Dump likes it wild, dirty, and filthy. That's right.
Officer Cum Dump will take it like a man. I will bend down, and you could bang me as

you can.

That's right. Officer come dump here.
That's right. Waiting for you hardcore guys.
Call me a call. You need relaxion.
You need things. Let me take off my glasses and let me see who I'm talking to.

Take up his glasses. Yeah, that was cool.
Oh, there he is. Looks great.
Oh, wow.

It's all, it's gone. He's a Silver Fox now.
Yeah, it looks great on him. And look at all the hats in the background.
King Donald Duck Orange Man Trump must be impeached now.

He cut Sec 8 Snap for people who can't survive on what they make, and also school, lunch, and breakfast, and food banks. He wants the rich to live and poor to die.

Vance and Musk has to go as well. I didn't realize he was so politically involved.
He is now. Wow.
Is this old or recent? Recent, yeah. Oh, yeah.

All countries in the Middle East, no gas or fuel or food products or produce for America and Trump, Canada, turn off electric to America. Quite a dissertation.
Wow, yeah. He's really fired up.

And I didn't think that Officer Cumdump would be that. No.

No, he usually keeps it just to the neighborhood. You know, he talks about his stuff at Coney Island.
But I would think Officer Cum Dump just talks come, come, and fucking.

But that's where you're wrong, Tom. But Officer Cum Dump's talking about Palestine and the economy.
He's multifaceted, and I think what you're seeing is he's developed as a talent.

He's gone creatively into different areas.

What do you think all those hats are? I like that necklace, Robert. No, it looks good on you.
It looks good.

Oh, wow. Wow.
Jesus. He really does like black guys.
Yeah.

Shit.

Really?

This is all right. Yeah.
There's a lot of.

He's a cat guy, too. Look, just like me.
Cats, him naked, black eyes.

Hey, I like all the same things he likes, you know? Yeah, true.

Cats. Oh, George Foreman.
George Foreman. Wow.
Was that a rest in peace for George? Is that what that was?

Yeah,

that's when he died. Yeah, it doesn't really fit the other looks.

I'm sure he hooked up with George Foreman. You know, he's hooked up with everybody.

He knows everybody. Remember that? He likes Michael B.
Jordan. That's the few times we've seen him posted.
Oh, look, a white guy. Uh-oh.
That's That's wild. He likes him beefy.
He likes beefy guys.

Oh, look at those two black guys. Oh, there he is with his face mask.
That's what chicks do. They like to show themselves in face masks.
They're like, oh my god, I'm so ugly right now.

Stop. Oh, there he is.

He's always rubbing his chest, rubbing his tits. Yeah.

So fucking weird. With a face mask on.

Three. Come on, man, a creamy lobo.
That's half.

Hey, guys, man. You want to do my face, man? You want a creamy old Oh, that's what it is.
He's showing you that you can come on his face. That's what he's using that for.
That's awesome.

Can I ask you, though, when you're aroused, are you rubbing your chest like that? No, I don't usually do that. It's like a girl thing.
Yeah. Looks so freaking.
Rubbing your tits and everything? No.

Yeah. Not like, yeah.

Yeah, it's a little okay. Well, there you go.
Yeah. Oh, look at the black guy in a sweater.
You like black guys in sweaters? Ooh, there's a cop hat on that guy. That's pretty cool.
Yeah.

Those are some beefy nipples he's got, too. Yep.

Fuck, dude. This is a hardcore.
Every cat deserves a home. Yeah.
But not every home deserves a cat. True.
And he likes orange cats, too, just like me. Yeah.
Dude, wow. A lot of similarities.
Yeah.

A lot of similarities. I get him.
I get him.

Damn. That's an aggressive photo.

Yeah. Jesus Christ.
That's a big tit. Yeah, that is a big old tit.
Fuck, dude. Yeah.
Well, he's definitely got a type. He never swayed from that either.
Nope. He's consistent.

If nothing but consistent. yeah, happy spring, happy spring.
Here's some cats you want to fuck. See, that's the thing: is the is the is

the um what's the word just the spread of interest like it's happy spring and then hardcore black guys and cats human beings are complicated we're not all just one thing it's true i don't want to paint him with one there's that big tit again same guys

same guy

oh even nine lives weren't enough with you oh i agree especially orange boys or so special

i know i love the orange guys. Another George Foreman.

And, like, who is he taking? Are these stock photos or are these people?

I don't think he knows them.

He's just Googling hot black guys and then putting them up on his Instagram. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, and then there's Snoopy.

I just wish one of these guys would go over there once. I know.

Have you had sex with Robert Paul Champagne? Let us know. There's got to be somebody out there.
Oh my God. I thought you were asking me for somebody.
I would like to ask you.

Yeah, if you have, that'd be awesome if you reached out to us and let us know.

Somebody fuck him. I have to pee really bad.
I'm going to drink a lot of water. All right, go for it.
I'm going to ask what is this? What is what?

It's a camera.

I pissed, but I didn't piss water out of my butt at the same time. Hey, that's why your butt's ready for that ding-dong.

Yeah.

By the way, we saw the Minecraft movie. Yeah, it was so cute.

A year ago, we visited the set. I took our oldest, Ellis, to visit the set, and it was awesome.

And then we got to actually see the movie, which was great. It was a great movie.
It was such a good movie.

Super entertaining. They really served the children who play this game.
Oh, yeah. And then the odd adult that was in the theater, where you're like, yeah, shouldn't be in here.
The solo adult.

That's why. The underworld is where I.

The Enderman. The Enderman.

Jason Mamoa was amazing.

No, you wouldn't be able to.

Mamoa was hilarious. so funny and jack black fantastic job yeah it was a really good movie they did such a good job

um yeah it was really fun the boys loved it we loved it look at him i love um the outfits they put on these people jason has i love his pink jacket he had an awesome so funny i didn't know he could do comedy oh he's got good timing he's got great chops man yeah it was a really good movie he played such a dummy that guy was just a big dummy yeah and um it was really funny really funny yeah take your kids to see this i think if they're into the Minecraft.

I wore that wig. I have a photo of me in that wig.
It's a really good wig. It looks like it could be his hair.
Yeah. It's rad.

How big is he in real life? He's big as fuck. He's so big.
He's like 6'4 ⁇ , 235, and he's like... Jesus.
Yeah, he's a house, man. Yeah.

When you're like, oh, man, this guy's... Most actors, too, are tiny when you meet them.
You know, this dude's, yeah, he's huge. Did he start as like an athlete before he was an actor?

I mean, he got discovered pretty young because he was on one of the iterations of Baywatch. You know, he was just like, really? Yeah.
He's just this like Hawaiian kid. And yeah, he started.

Look at his dreads. 19 living in Honolulu.
Yeah.

So,

yeah. He was always pretty active, though.
Like, he loves mountain climbing, you know, like rock climbing and stuff. He's really good at it.

So he was always active with that. And he was in Game of Thrones.
He was banging the Khaleesi. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's what propelled him into i think baywatch is like a step into the world of acting but that's what made him really well known i mean nobody's built like that guy holy mackerel no he's he's half german half hawaiian wow oh look at him as a genetics are pretty nutty yeah yeah that's wild dude yeah what a what a career what a life what a fun movie though he did such a great job great job yeah that was rad yeah um

what was i going to? There was a, so I took the boys to see Don't Let the Pigeon drive the bus, the musical here. And there was like adults watching it alone without kids, which is so weird.

And then when we did the Paddington Bear. That's even weirder.
It gets even weirder. When we were in London, I took them to the Paddington Bear experience.
Yeah.

There were grown-ups there too without kids. I'm like, what? But then I realized they weren't just any grown-ups.
They were low IQ adults. Okay.
No, it's true. Okay.

They were low IQ. I'm not saying they were

retarded. I'm saying that they were on the cusp, on the border.

Like there was just above the line. Uh-huh.
And like, because there was this one part of the Paddington Bear experience where you go into the kitchen, there's a, you know, the family kitchen.

And like the one adult that was alone, this guy, this low IQ adult, he was like picking up the fake phone. Yeah, it was in that room.
There's like a fake phone and he was like,

like really laughing and pretending and like putting together the screws.

Yeah, that's definitely low low IQ that's almost not necessarily our word but low IQ and I'm noticing that more now as an adult do you think there's low IQ adults that are

lower IQ than

an actual

person with like downs

I think so I think

because no there's there's except there are exceptionally bright people yes just have downs

exactly exactly and like they can do somebody just graduated law school. Shut the fuck up.
Yeah. With downs? Yes.
Which law school? I don't know. Like something online.
Hey, stop.

It's pretty cool that they did it. No, it's amazing.
I didn't graduate from law school. Okay.

So then

to be diagnosed as having mental retardation a person must have an IQ below 70 to 75. That's what I'm saying.
No, I know. So like a low IQ adult, what would a low IQ adult be?

Well, you got it right there. But not necessarily downs because this guy at Paddington Bear

averages about 50.

Right. But

some people are well above that with Downs.

So wait a minute. Genius Downs people? Well, yeah, they're exceptional.
That's rad.

I bet my IQ is an exceptional Downs person.

Look, scores of 120 have been found in some people with syndromes. That's my point, that there's exceptional people in that, that fall into that category.

Look up this person that just, honestly, that just

graduated law school. There's somebody with Downs who just graduated law school.
That is, I did not know that. Yeah.
I'm a low IQ adult.

Dang.

Yeah.

Wow. That's amazing.

She's a.

Now the question is,

do you want her to represent you? Well, I mean, I'm sure she's going to be hired by a practice that like puts her in a position where they can utilize some skill set of hers.

They're not just going to be like, hey, you run the firm.

Maybe she represents other people down since. That's what she says.
She wants to practice the disability law. Oh, that's good.
Yeah. That lady's not wearing the right bra.

I'll tell you this right now.

100%.

Yeah. For sure.
She's smarter than me.

I couldn't do this. I dropped out of law school after two weeks.
It was too hard. Yeah.
And if she went to the same, if she's learning the same law, I did.

If you were going to hire one of the three of us as a lawyer, she's the one. She's the one.
I didn't pass the bar.

No, that's pretty, pretty incredible. That's amazing.
Yeah.

You know, now that I don't, I have breast cancer, I always look at other people's tits a lot even more now. Yeah.
Like, you see that woman behind her?

She needs the right bra. That's not a big, that's not supportive at all.
That's great. That tit looks terrible.
That tit doesn't look right. She needs to put right, Niana.

Niana knows what I'm talking about. It's too droopy.
Droopy tits. No, I got it.

Well, we got the biggest story that's come out of this show in the last couple months.

This is pretty crazy.

Is it though? I feel like we saw this.

I thought we were going as deep as it could go last week with our update with him, which was all this chaos, but of course it's hit new levels.

On my way to the hospital, get checked out just to make sure everything's okay. You know, smart thing to do.
I'm standing, I'm walking, and everything's going good.

These guys are taking real good care of me.

I'm in the ambulance now.

You know, just making sure everything's okay. And

hopefully, everything will be okay.

Standing and walking just fine.

Just making sure everything's okay.

He got into a brawl with those two guys, the landlords.

My foot was cut, too. You guys can check it out.
Oh, dear. So I'm just getting everything checked out, you know, just so my foot don't get infected.

You know, just making sure everything's okay, standing and walking just fine. So hopefully everything will be okay.
Tony, Michael Jones here, ladies and gentlemen, worker. Worker,

everybody. Is he in an ambulance? Why is he strapped in? James Myers both safety.
Craziness. Craziness.

So, Scott,

Scott, and

James attacked him, he said. Those are the guys that were changing the locks.
So now

his mission last night,

as of this recording, was to get back into his place, but they changed the locks on him. Right, we saw that last night.
We saw that. So, here's how he has a mission going.
Okay.

So, it's pretty crazy. The cop on Sunday morning told me that

if I wanted to, you know, and I need to get in the building, and the owner

cannot give me keys, and the landlord cannot give me keys, that I can, you know, break into the building.

Yeah, you know, I gotta get into my building, you know, I got a candle burning, I gotta do what I gotta do. A candle burning.
He's got a candle burning in his place, so. Oh, so what he's doing is

he got a sledgehammer.

There's a door.

Nobody's letting me in.

There's a sledge off to the side. I'm gonna now be entering the building.
I'm not a violin dude. I just have to get my items.
It's a bad charge.

Yes, candle was burning. Worker.
Worker.

Workers, man.

You know,

it's just how it goes, man. I understand what he's

dealing with there. Breaking in with a sledgehammer.
Not a good one.

So then he goes out. He went out after that.
He's at a sports bar.

Tony, you're getting arrested?

Dude, that's fucked up.

I'll be out a couple hours just auto.

Damn, Tony.

Good. That's fucked up.

Yo, free Tony, man. Free Tony, man.

Shit.

Yo, you still owe me an autograph, man. Yeah, Don.
Yeah, what the hell?

Where? Out there? On the map there. Oh, shit, you got me? Oh, yeah, it's on.
It's on, it's on the map wall, man.

Damn, bro.

Yo, good luck, bro.

This guy. Yo, officers, have a good one.

Damn, bro.

Okay.

I love that he recognized him. Of course.
Tony is now a huge celebrity. So

he went to jail. Yeah.
And then about an hour later.

Hear me out. Auburn, New York.
Just got arrested an hour ago. And

this is why I love New York.

Got arrested an hour ago, and I'm now released. And why I got arrested was because I ended up

blowing down my landlord's door, the building door, just because he

wouldn't let me in.

He wouldn't give me any keys. So I got arrested an hour ago,

and I'm back in the bar. I'm a free man.

I'm walking, baby.

We're out here in New York, baby. Bell reform.

Back on the streets an hour later. There we go, watching the game.
Florida. Florida, baby.
Come on. Florida.
Woo!

Let's go.

Worker. Worker.

Yeah. There's the same guy.
There's a dude. There's a band.

That was awesome. Then he met him later.
You got to see the end of the game, which is really important. That's all important.

An hour later, he's out.

I mean, mean here's the deal too he's like he's just like what they just won't let me in dude like they took away my keys like there's no other side to that story you think he could be a lawyer

no you're right between the downs lawyer and tony johns who's

i rest my case your honor yeah

i love that it's full circle with the fan yeah that he's drinking with that guy dude yeah that guy's gonna get his autograph now super important

good for tony look i'm glad he got out an an hour.

We were worried that it was going to escalate to him ending up in jail. And I don't want him to go to prison.

I know. I knew this jail was in the prospects.
Yeah.

What Scott and James, the landlords, need to do, they need to hire full-time security. You need a security guard for your Saskatoon business.
We can have a security guard available 24-7.

We can supply a security guard for your locked compounds 24 hours a day for your construction project.

We have your business is watched overnight we can do short-term security or long-term security send me a message and let's get you a security guard get you a security i mean when i think of a secure place yeah i see this guy i'm like hire him tough guy tough he's cracking skulls experienced excuse me you can't come in here why not

the private property thing hands clasped

looking for a security guard text your compound or send again give me a call send me a dm

get out of here you you you you, get out of here. Do you not see my badge? I'm security.

Yeah, not very intimidating. Excellent.
Excellent. Not very intimidating.
See, if I were him, I would have outsourced the commercials. The commercials.
You know who you hire?

A guy that looks like Jason Mumoa. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And you're like, what the fuck, dudes? And then you at least think that that's who you're hiring. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

This guy needs to hire an actor. That's what actors are for, guys.
Come on.

Come on. Okay.
Come on. I got some funny stuff to show you.
Oh, I love it. Yeah.
Here we go. Let's go.

Cider fly. Oh, my God.

no

oh

what the dude he was i think he was aiming he was trying to do the shoulder uh-uh and he actually hit him here which means he he knocked him out can i can i tell you something i can see our sons doing dumb like this in 10 years yeah of course this is what dumb boy this is what boys do He completely missed the shoulder.

What do you think?

He's trying to re-

And he hits him in the neck and he knocks him out. No.

Woo!

Yeah, side of the face, neck. Totally.

Wow, that guy's dead, right?

That was pretty horrible, guys. Thanks for sharing.

This is going to go well.

They never know when to let go. Never.
Oh, shit.

Dude, I knew that was coming. You let go on the way out.

You stupid.

You get the feeling. You have to feel that, dude.

He's got no rhythm. You got to feel that.

Fuck. Let's watch it again.
Your country is. So fucking he fucked up, homie.

This looks like Europe's drunk. Of course, it's Europe.
It's Eastern Europe.

If I'm betting.

This is my truck.

Yes, Croatia, of course.

Like, oh,

now, now. And he's drunk, yeah.

Holy

ribs, back all done, so lucky it wasn't head, but he's drunk, so he's relaxed. Yeah, he's fine, he might be okay.
Yeah,

I could see them doing this in Hungary, too. Like, if you bullet on, they just put like a fucking what is that? A crane?

Ugh,

you're being a cunt to the horse.

Shit!

You're fucking horse.

I hate horses. This is why I hate them.
This is exactly why I hate horses. Direct to the dome.
Yeah, dude.

Fuck horses. She could be a low IQ individual.
For sure, dude.

She's passing the bar exam right now. She's fucking right.

Fuck this horse.

Dude, can I tell you something? I normally I defend the animal, but in this case, I bet you that horse is a real fucking horse.

She said it. Yeah, you're a fucking horse.
Because horse girls are super nice. Horse girls are all about that life.
They love animals.

So for this woman to be like, fuck you, horse, this horse sucks, dude. This horse does suck.
And the horse lets you know that you suck too. Mm-hmm.
Dude, fuck the horse.

You overshot it.

That was a human cannonball thing. Like, this is also definitely not in the States.
There's no way. I think it is.
I'm going to go for Lily. South.
Yeah, dude, because look at the backpack.

That's like a military American backpack. Where is it, John? I guess they all knew.
Burger. No, this is America.
This could be the South. This is like fucking.

Oh, yeah, Riverside. Oh, Riverside, California.
Yeah. What's up?

He shattered his ribs and has a lacerated liver. Of course.

That's Riverside.

And

I'm sure he has health insurance. I'm sure they

give it to him.

How much do you think you get paid to shoot yourself out of a cannon at the Riverside County Fair? 16 bucks? Yeah. You do it for love of the game.
Yeah, for sure. That's passion there.
That's love.

This guy's fucking paralyzed.

I wanted to bring

about something that I am always amazed by Pajiski effects, but when we were together in London and we went out, we were in a store somewhere,

it blew your mind.

I didn't know that was real at the time, that there's something called a spring jacket.

I had no idea that there was an item called a spring jacket, meaning an item like

a jacket you would just wear in the springtime. Because to me, that seems so wasteful.
Like, why would I buy a jacket just for spring? I didn't even

like the expression of a light jacket. But that's what I thought it was.
So I thought there was was a light jacket and then like a winter coat. Well, there are.
But then a spring jacket.

Are there summer jackets? Yeah. I know there's a winter coat.
You know, there's summer jackets.

And I'm learning that for the first time, too. Yeah.
There's a summer jacket. Summer jackets usually just, you know, they have less lining.
They breathe easier. Yeah.

Did not know this that there was a spring jacket. Never in my life.
You ever thought that there were jackets for different seasons? Only a winter coat. That's it? There's only winter coats?

Because that makes sense to me. You should get a winter coat.
A spring jacket. Can I tell you honestly? A spring jacket sounds superfluous.
It sounds unnecessary.

Like, why can't you just put on a sweater? It's like a waste of money to buy a spring jacket. Got it.
So when the guy told me this is a spring jacket, I saw your brain just short circuit.

I watched it and you were like, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? And he was like, it's for spring. I had no idea that.
But to be fair, I think, Nayana, didn't you not know that too?

Or was it Heather? I had no idea. See? I didn't really know either.
I just kind of go, it's a jacket or it's a coat. Right.
That's for

it. That's a rich person, like a real bougie thing.

Yes. I've never heard of it because we never had this growing up.
No way. A spring jacket.

No, it's too bougie for me. Okay.
Now I'm all about it, though. I understand.

Gotcha.

You knew this the whole time? Of course. Why didn't you fucking tell me, Dude? I didn't think I had to.
Why don't you tell me? We're married for 20 years. You never tell me.
I didn't. I didn't.

It took you about 15 years to tell me it's not a sun visor it's just a visor

i mean it never came up honestly if it had come up earlier i would have yeah the other day you let me walk around with food in my teeth i was smiling like a donkey with lettuce in my teeth you don't you need to look out for me dude i look out for you what are you talking about none on these things and the spring jacket thing never came up i was never i've never had an instance where i could have been like oh you know it's a spring jacket do you know you got to educate me on like civilized people but i mean you know i don't know these things okay all right.

By the way, I'm just seeing, I told you this, but I thought this was funny to share. I'm relearning Hungarian.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I, I don't know, dude. I just think it's whatever.
It's time.

And because I spoke Hungarian before I spoke English, and then I lost it because my parents, once we came to America, were like, oh, no, no, we're American. You fuck this language.

You don't speak this anymore. So I'm relearning it.

And it's fascinating because apparently all the things I thought were just exclusive to my family being an asshole, like I thought we were just assholes. It's cultural.

Yeah, they're like, you are assholes. We're all assholes.
And that's what I'm learning from my Hungarian tutor. She's like, oh, no, that's just, you're just being Hungarian.

And I was like, that fucking blew my mind. Give me an example.
Okay, so first of all,

so I was, I asked, we're learning basic things like, how do you ask for a coffee?

Sedet nik ed kavit. Sedet nik ed kavet.
I would like coffee. Okay? That's, and I go, well, what if I went to like a Starbucks and they say, like, may I please have a coffee?

And she's like, no, you don't, you don't say please. I'm like, What? You're like, No, there's no need to say please, overly polite.
Why would you say please?

They don't say please when you're like ordering from another human being,

even like little things like,

you know, hand me, hand me that book.

I was like, Can you say,

please? Like, if I say it to my husband, sweetie, you know, please have me,

legit si besh. She's like, that's too much.
You don't need to say please. Just say, hand me the fucking book.

Yeah, that's

so cool, right? And she said that, like, all the cursing is normal culture. Standard issue.
And

all the stuff that, yes,

they curse like sailors. Everything is fuck, Bozmeg, this, fuck that.
Your mother's this.

And that's like so normal. And we say it in, you know, tutoring.
And also, too. You say it in the tutoring sessions?

Because it's totally cultural. Okay.
And even like, it's so fucked up because like these phrases I would hear all the time as a kid. Yeah.

Like, oh, they dad shit. Like, hand me a beer.
Like, my dad would tell me that all the time. Like, go get me a beer.
Go get me a beer. Like, I knew that right away.

Get me a beer. Yeah.
He didn't say please, did he? No, please. No, legit sea fish.
No, just fucking do this. Do it.
So culturally, we're dicks.

It's very, but it's actually very liberating because I'm like I just thought I was kind of an asshole Yeah, like why am I so rude and and because you've told me before you're like hey, dude, you need to camouflage your face People can tell if you don't like them Can you you know, do you remember you've told me looking out for you?

You're looking out for me. Thank you, but I didn't realize it's just she's like, yeah, you're Eastern European.
Yeah, that's what they are. And I'm like, oh, it's such a relief, you know?

Smile, smile like a donkey. You do not smile and you don't laugh.
or smile unless there's like a real reason. And you're not friendly to people in public.

Like if someone just starts talking to you, they're like, what the fuck? Well, do you remember that? There was like that clip.

I think you shared it with me where it was a guy on the streets in Moscow. Yeah.
And he was like, would you like to be happy to like all these different Russians? They were like, no.

Fuck off. Get out of my shit.
Do you want happiness? And they're like, get out of here. Get out of here.
No.

Everybody said no. No.
Yeah, we're a very friendly people. The Americans, the English.
Western Europe is way friendly. Not all of them.
The French are the shit. That kind of counts.
Yeah.

Germans are kind of abrupt too. But Eastern European, 100%.
Like you're encouraged to kind of be a dick. Yeah.

And I asked her, too, I was like, is that because of communism? Like, did the Russians crush our joy like prior to that? Were we like nice? She's like, no, it's Eastern European. It's just

how it is.

There's no please. You don't say please.
Our youngest asked me yesterday or the day before. He goes, you've been doing Italian now for a while.
Do you speak Italian?

I was like, I mean, better than I used to. He's like, but you don't.
You're not like perfect. And I was like, no.

Stupid. He was like,

why do you keep doing it? I'm like, because I like it. I like trying to learn.

He's like, you keep doing this, Italian.

I was like, yeah, I'm trying, man.

Such a little dick, I say. Oh, shit.
So I guess Zolo told me, I guess we played this guy a few years ago,

and there's an update. So you're going to kind of recognize maybe the old image of him that's in this clip.
And then

there's nothing better than jail videos, right?

So here's what's going on. My name is Jason Bukovich.
And for those of you that are new to this channel or don't know,

I was sentenced to 23 years in prison for tracking down and assaulting men that had crimes against children. Good.
And since that day, I've been known as the Alaskan Avenger.

And now my life has been given purpose by uplifting young ones and helping families whose children have been assaulted.

So he would put it upon himself to learn of somebody who had committed a crime against a child and then going and assaulting that person. Great.
What state did he get convicted in? I guess Alaska.

Oh, come to Texas, son. We'll give you a medal of honor.

You're in the wrong state, my man. I gotta tell you, it feels pretty good to get up in the morning and not be in prison anymore.

Now, when me and the boys were doing time, we used to think to ourselves, man, it would be dope if Alaska did conjugal visits, wouldn't it? I'd have my girl come right now.

But there's a lot of dudes you do time with, that shouldn't be around any girl at all, much less an older woman and then hmm

wait a minute what now let me break this down for you i think i'm going to need to put on my shades

now god bless this sweet woman but this is david brinson who was doing multiple life sentences with no chance of parole plus 20 years because he's a mass murderer And when you live like this for the rest of your life, let me tell you what you tell a woman that's giving you some attention.

Anything you can to get her to come in for the conjugal visit. And from the heart, God bless this sweet woman who has now passed away, but check it out.

Ladies, don't go do conjugal visits with mass murderers inside penitentiaries, because you know why? They might do things like strangle you, cut you up into little pieces.

They might even cut your scalp off and try to put it on and escape out of the prison. And you know what? For sure, rest in peace to that poor lady who went to see the mass murderer and got strangled.

Damn, how come I couldn't get a conjugal visit when I was down? I guarantee she would have left sticky and confused and very happy.

I had a boy.

Pretty cool. I'm a huge fan.
Yeah, he's cool. I like him.
Yeah, I like him too. Yeah, he's in the wrong state.
Yeah, well, he's free. He's doing his thing.
Yeah, move to Texas.

You can do your thing here.

Oh, shit.

Is this 6:18 in the morning? It's Monday morning. I got to go to work.

Oh my God. Is it Monday morning already?

We're going to do this again. And this might seem basic to you, but if you're out there, even if you got one of these,

always brush your teeth. This is good advice.
Makes you look good. I'd hire them.
Yeah. Seriously.
Helps you out in job interviews.

Now, even though I'm just a tatted up, middle-aged guy, I do care about style. So which one do you think goes better with sawdust? This one or this one?

Yeah, you're totally right. I'm going to go with this one.

Now tell the truth. Is it weird that I vacuum my room before I go to work? I like it clean when I come home.
That's some real jailhouse shit I think. It is.
But it taught him discipline.

It looks like he likes that regimented life.

I hope he's successful. I think, I mean, he's got a nice place.
He takes good care of it. He takes care of his life.
I'm glad somebody hired him. It's somebody who obviously knows his story.

And they're like, yeah, that's not that bad. Hell yeah.
He fucked up child. So that's cool.
That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, we like this guy.
Didn't we try to add money to his commissary and everything?

Back in like 2020, when he first got arrested, we found out about him and tried to send him money. And he got sentenced to 28 years.
I think he only did like six. Good.
Yeah, it was cool.

He was going around with a hammer and beating these guys up with it. Yeah, really fucking them up bad.
Oh, yeah.

I love it. Oh, that's another story like this.
Cain Velasquez, the former UFC champ, heavyweight champ, he

attacked and assaulted a guy who had i believe

uh done something to his niece but he's uh now only gonna serve he got sentenced to four years and i think he's two years in so he's gonna get out in like two years great yeah i think you should be absolved and most people were just like why are we why are you even convicting that i mean yeah

That's the last guy you'd want to show up. Of course.
It should be open season on these predators. I agree.
Open season. For children? Absolutely.
They should be allowed to. You should be allowed to.

Absolutely. No fucking way.
I mean, look, what's more precious than a baby, man? My name is Phil, and I like to dress as a baby.

Sweet little boy.

Sadly, Phil has been forced to keep his lifestyle choices

as he's afraid to tell his closest friends and

one of the hardest things for me is having to hide my lifestyle living as a baby. Well, now we know.

You are. To me, it's just normal.
Yeah.

It takes away all the stress of being an adult.

I don't have to worry about bills and things like that. I just have to worry about things that children worry about.
He looks like he's a blue-collar guy.

I think they're going to be real cool at the construction worksite, yeah.

colour books, I watch kids' films, play with children's toys. So usually I'd make Phil something fresh, like a blended bacon sandwich.
But it's hard with us like this, so I'm just doing this for now.

Oh,

I actually enjoy running around after Phil. We've never had kids of our own, and uh, we don't plan to, no, so it's kind of like being a parent, but without the pain of giving birth.

See, it seemed like a perfect match, she's having fun doing it too. Would you like to do this with me?

You could change my dye-dye and give me a bath

and feed me my food. Meh, meh, I want pussy.
Meh,

I've seen it. So many pee-pees.
So many feelings. Oh, shit.

That's what she does, right?

After he pees. It's hard now.
Yeah.

That's the part that's fucked up is that they fuck after this, right? For sure.

I don't like this. You know what I mean? And then he comes and he goes, all right, I don't like it.

Also, I don't like that everybody

has to be out with their sexual proclivities. I think having some shame and keeping it hidden is totally fine.

Totally

out. Why do you have to, why does everyone have to be out with everything? Yeah.
There's some things that are shameful. Society frowns upon.
Keep that shit hidden, dude. Yeah.
Keep that shit hidden.

Why does he have to be out? Why do I have to know what makes his dick hard in his diaper? I don't want to know. He made a TV show about it.
Oh, my God. You're right.
He was to keep it a secret.

I don't know if they're going to accept me. Here's a fucking camera crew in my house.
God, it's crazy. Yeah, he did that in front of cameras.
Yeah. They're all going to know now.

That's what I, every time I watch one of these shows, like, I just don't want anyone to find out. I'm like, what are you? You're on television.
I know.

It's like Megan Markle, like, oh, I don't want everybody following us.

And then she makes Netflix shows. It's insane.
It is insane. Totally insane.
God, if I were into anything like this, I would keep it such a secret.

God, I'm ashamed of the normal stuff you and I do. You know what I mean?

You are? Well, I mean, I wouldn't, I don't share everything we do with people. It's weird.

Oh,

it's so gross. I hate it.

And also, where's my passy? I'm glad these fools don't have kids, but once you do have kids, you're going to get sick of watching those movies right quick. You're going to get sick of cleaning up.

No, they wouldn't be doing this. You wouldn't be doing that.

Well, actually, they wouldn't be able to. No, you can't do shit with no kids.

You want to see something cool? Always.

Little protest

He's dead.

Yeah, just from that. Well, that high-powered water hose hit him in such a way that his head hit that concrete.
Yeah. What country is that? I don't know.
I don't think that's America right now.

Let me see. Where is that? It's in Tuesday.
It's a Tuesday. It's in Turkey.

Water cannon.

He died. Oh, no.
They're in such turmoil right now, those poor Turkish.

This is why they shouldn't let people protest. I think you should.
Dude, look how hard. Look how hard this.
He's like, yeah, hit me with that water. Boom!

Oh, these poor people.

Those things rockets at you.

I was in

the central plaza in Madrid when they won the European Cup. This is in 2001.

And everybody was in this plaza. And they sent out the riot cops with the water cannons and the pellet bags, like shotguns that shoot.

Man, I got out of that shit. So I was hauling.
But I was watching people get sprayed down with them. Get the fuck out of there.
You see the cops coming? Leave, dude. Yeah.
Leave. Yeah.

Why are you going to hang out for this shit? Mm-hmm. No, run.

Pretty crazy. Run, fool.

No way these Turkish police, you think they give a fuck? Yeah. Countries.

Problem. Fuck.
Fuck. Yeah, dude.
Turkish prison. Turkish prison.

If you don't know, I put some fall dates on sale. The summer will be down for me, but there's a bunch of new cities for the fall.
They're at tomsagura.com slash tour.

I'm hitting a whole bunch of different cities.

In, let's see, where are we going? Are you going to Anchorage? Yeah, I am going to Anchorage. That's coming up soon.

But in the fall, yeah, I have Akron, Daytona, West Palm, Clearwater, Fort Myers, Allentown, Poughkeepsie, Mashantucket, Newark, Brooklyn, Long Island, Hanover, Gary, Indiana, West Lafayette, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, and Marillo, Lubbock, El Paso, Tucson, Colorado Springs, Green Bay, Pasadena, Vegas, Long Beach, Freant, Tacoma.

I've never heard of that. Huntsville, California.

Birmingham and Columbia. Popland, California.

Phil, Alosnatcha. I'm very excited.
Oh, my God. This is the thing I wanted to bring about.

So just over last week, I did a couple shows. I did Oklahoma City and Houston.
When I got to Oklahoma City, this was on the wall,

a photo that just says, you get the gloves. And then they had like 25 gloves hanging from the wall.
Oh, my God. And then they made an entire display.

Like, look at that wall. That's one of the walls.

Then they had this entire entire display of a movie poster, a movie poster called Glove, actually.

And it's Jennifer Aniston and me.

And it had movie reviews and the log line of what the movie was.

What does it say here? A movie so unexpected, even Jennifer Aniston probably didn't know she was in it.

Glove actually is absurdly bad. It feels less like a movie and more like an elaborate prank.
Tom Sagera is playing on the entire audience.

But if you go to the, I don't know if you can see on the other side there, or it might be in the video, it has the log line of the movie. They wrote out the entire log line of the movie.

This is crazy.

Where it tells you what the film is about, and it has a one-star review and 1% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's awesome.

But Vince the Glove DiLorenzo is a used car salesman in Oklahoma City who thinks his lucky red sports glove is key to closing every deal.

When Jennifer Anderson walks in looking for a fancy car, Vince goes all in using his glove to seal the deal.

But when he thinks he takes things too far, like offering her an ice cream sundae to sweeten the deal, the situation spirals out of control.

In the end, Vince discovers that the real magic isn't in the glove. It's an honesty connection and maybe a little over-the-top salesmanship.
One out of ten on IMDb, one percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

The comedy-drama hybrid of the year. It's beautiful.

Well, whoever

did this in Oklahoma City, I just want to be clear when I tell you this.

You get the glove.

Great job, man. So elaborate.
They painted that on. Yeah.

I mean, that's not just a poster, you guys. That's painted on the bricks

backstage. It's amazing.
They did an incredible job. So funny.
Aniston, I'm sure, is going to have the same reaction as us. She's going to be elated.

But yeah, thank you so much for doing that. The OKC crowd, I have to just say, was fucking unbelievable.

It was so much fun. You just never know.
You never know. And they were unbelievable.
One of the best shows of the whole tour. That's awesome, Jesus.

All right. That's it.
We got to run. Oh, what's everybody? What's everybody? Love you.
Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening.

You get the glove. See you next week.

S-A-R-T, S-A-R-T, S-A-R-T, S-A-R-T. The word was S-A-R-T, R T S A R T We watched what happened.
I watched what happened in Brexit.

S A R T word was fart, fart, fart, fart, S A R T the word was fart fart fart fart S A R Tart Fart Fart Fart S A R Tart Fart Fart S A R T S A R T S A R T S A R T

S Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart

Why isn't the government talking about how to spertain skilled labor?

Why isn't the infrastructure minister talking about how to implement infrastructure funds and get construction workers back to work in Alberta?

Why does this government treat Alberta like a fart in the room that nobody wants to talk about or acknowledge? S-A-R-T. Laughing at me.
Fart, fart. S-A-R-T.

And they're laughing at you.

S-A-R-T. Laughing at me.
Fart, fart. S-A-R-T.

We watch what happened, fart, fart, fart, fart. I watched what happened.
Fart, fart, fart, fart. We watched what happened.
Fart, fart, fart, fart. Oh, and by the way, constituents.

Point of order, point of order, point of order, point of order, point of order, point of order.

Laughing at me. Fart, laugh, laughing at me.

Laughing at me. Fart, laugh, laughing at me, laughing at me, laughing at me.

We watch what happens. Fart, fart, fart, fart.
I watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart.
We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart.
Oh, and by the way, constituents

Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart,

part,

part, part, part,

part, part,