A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804

Hey everyone, we just announced my fall 2025 come together tour dates and you can get pre-sale tickets starting today at 10 a.m.

local time in each city with the code word Tommy.

Go get your tickets now before the general on sale this Friday at tomsgura.com slash tour.

We added a whole bunch of cities including Allentown, PA, West Lafayette, Indiana, and Colorado Springs and so many more.

I'll see you guys out there.

Thank you so much.

I am so excited for this spa day.

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Music on.

Hot tub warm and ready.

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What's everybody?

What's everybody?

Dude, this is a

governor.

I'm so excited.

Governor, I'm pumped.

I'm ripping.

Man, I've been like just on pins and needles, just excited to come in here and do this show.

Me too, bro.

So many things to go over.

We've lived quite our lives in the last couple of weeks.

Yes.

We got back from the UK.

Okay, Mike.

So much fun.

And then we got stuck in the UK for three additional days because of the Heathrow fire.

Yeah, there was a fire at a power plant that supplies power to Heathrow Airport, and they shut that shit down.

I don't know if you know this.

Heathrow is not a small airport.

It's basically the hub of Europe.

Yeah.

So

it kind of fucked up about 800,000 people's day.

Yeah.

For real.

We were going to leave.

The kids and I were going going to leave.

You were leaving to go back to the States.

I was leaving to go to Glasgow with my tour crew.

So we ended up going on a four and a half hour train ride, and you guys ended up staying a few extra days, but it fucked up everybody.

Everybody in Europe.

Well, the good thing is, though, it kind of took the pressure off the trip.

You know, when you're a tourist and you're like, hey, we got to go do London Eye, and then we got to go see Big Ben.

We didn't, we relaxed, and then we went to the Tower of London because the kids wanted to see murder, killing,

swords, the rack, torture.

And I was like, that's definitely your kid.

Those are your children.

And they loved it.

Of course they did.

They were cool.

Yeah.

And then we flew back 10 hours to Houston.

Yeah.

And our kids peed every 15 minutes on that flight.

So every time I could sit down and relax, they're like, mom, I got to go pee.

I was telling.

I was telling Shane last night because we were talking about video games.

And I was like, oh, yeah, you know, we got a PS5 PS5

and how the boys, you know, they play their games and then

they like to watch me play games.

So they go, you're going to play basketball?

I go, yeah, I'll put on like 2K and I'll play.

And how if I'm beating the shit out of somebody, they're like, yeah.

But if I'm down by one point, they're like, you suck, man.

And he's like, yeah, you made friends, like, you created friends.

He's like, I just made a couple friends who are like, they got your back when you're good and they make fun of you.

yeah i was like yeah that's true they're like my little buddies that's so fun yeah and your littlest buddy juju

decided to take a horrendous dump on the flight back from london yeah dude like it was a multi wiper like he had to wipe about 500 times and he's one who really loves a bidet and loves yeah getting clean yeah he loves it privacy please you know is

hit the door so i was standing and they won't go to the bathroom alone on an airplane i had to stand there, watch him jump.

Yeah.

And then he's like, it's not clean enough.

It's not clean enough.

And I'm like, it's fine.

He's like, well, how do I clean it?

I'm like, just get the toilet paper wet, dude.

He just kept wiping.

Meanwhile, there's a line of people.

Of course.

I can't shit on an airplane.

I get so much anxiety because what if they, you know, there's people waiting?

Yeah.

Anyway.

I've been shitting on flights now for a while.

No, I know.

Basically, I never shit on an airplane.

And then I turned 40.

And then I was like, oh, yeah, if I feel anything I'm gonna shit here but you don't feel the pressure of the people

other people no

no I mean how do you block that out I don't know I just

I just own it dude and I also go I do these things where I realize it's gonna be a multi flusher you know yeah because I'll I'll do a courtesy flush when the first wave comes out.

Yeah.

And then, you know, you're wiping, cleaning and wiping.

Those are multiple flushes too.

I just go like yeah, I'm shitting up here.

There's no secrets

I'll just let the people know.

That's really cool.

And then I always usually what I do is when I come out of that restroom and you're facing everybody, I make eye contact and I see if they'll break because I go, I'm not going to break.

So I look at them like, yeah, I know I just shit.

You know it too.

And I watch them go down.

Yeah.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, you badger them into submission.

But I feel like that's the position you have to take if you're going to be so bold as to shit on a flight.

Yeah, well, it's the thing is

you can't manufacture the confidence.

This is something that I've gotten to with age.

25-year-old me couldn't have done that.

45-year-old me is like, you guys

want to hear about some shit I just did?

I just took a shit up here.

You deal with it.

It's your fucking problem.

It's your problem now.

But that only comes with being a dad.

I think you've really come into your dadhood.

You were always meant to be a middle-aged dad

because that was who you were at 23 when I met you.

Yeah.

Dad energy.

You've big dad energy.

Yeah.

This is the fulfillment.

It's all this is perfect for you.

This is your time.

This is your stride.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Feels good.

Yeah.

I think I was meant to be like a 50-year-old lady because I like that time.

Feels good.

It does feel good because the pressure's off.

The pressure's off.

I've done a lot already i'm not looking for dudes to date or talk to me you know because i've already got the dudes you got a dude you already got a dude yeah as long as i stay thin enough i'm happy with stuff you know yeah i know exactly what you mean

um well just also i should say big shout out

to all the people in the uk and ireland that came out to the shows um thank you very much i had a great time doing the shows also

big surprise, but you just got to be honest.

You got to be honest.

Too many Muslims in London?

That's not where I was going.

I was talking about the shows.

Oh,

you just kind of give all, you always got to go, like, man, people go, what was the best show?

You know where the best show was?

Where?

Cardiff, Wales.

The Welsh.

I had never done a show there.

You know, we did all the shows were fun.

We did shows in Dublin and Belfast, in London, in Manchester, in

Nottingham.

Where am I forgetting?

Where the sheriff lives.

Where the sheriff lives.

Robin Hood lives.

But, man, we get to Cardiff.

It's our last gig.

We're like, oh, we hope it's a good one.

Fucking bananas.

Electric crap.

That's amazing.

And then

a week later, come back and do MSG.

A sold-out show at MSG.

Bananas.

And I had big secrets.

I never announced it, but I had Red Man open the show, which was just

fucking wild.

Absolute one of my all-time favorites.

I mean, I've grown up listening to this guy.

Reached out, had him open the show, surprise open the show, which was just, it was so amazing.

And then I surprised the audience.

I had Chris DeStefano do a set.

So funny.

And then had him bring up Joey Diaz, which was another surprise.

And then I got up there.

And I'll say this because sometimes, you know, you do, I would say, here in the States, when you do New York and LA,

you can get big crowds, but you can also get a crowd in either of those cities that's like, you know,

who the fuck are you?

Like, we're, yeah, we're the biggest market.

Like, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know you, but trust me.

Yeah.

And you just don't know.

And even though it was, it was packed, there was 13,000 people at the show.

We were like, well, you know, you go, I don't know what they'll be like.

Dude, this crowd was unbelievable.

Like literally one of the best crowds I've ever.

They were so hot and they never faded for the entire show.

Like they had peak energy.

And it was just like, it was so fucking fun, man.

Well, I think because I got to go to that and I was so pumped to see you do MSG.

I mean, it was, it was.

First of all, New York City, to me, is the center of the universe.

It's fantastic.

And to see the crowd was so hyped because I think they get it.

They're like, if you're at Madison Square Garden,

you said that.

You did it, man.

And they're rooting for you.

They want you to do well.

And it was so big.

Oh, there's Joey.

Oh, my gosh.

He's so funny.

Chrissy D.

So funny.

Chrissy D and I were talking about, we were like, look at this fucking guy.

He's wearing sweatpants.

He's got a band-aid on his ear.

He looks like he's walking to his gate at the airport.

And he just walks up on stage and demolishes.

Meanwhile, like the rest of us are like, hey, you know,

is this shirt steamed?

Like, you're just trying to make sure you look presentable.

Yeah.

Joey's like, what?

Like, he's just went down to the market to grab a sandwich.

Yeah.

And he just goes up there and just kills.

It was so fun to watch.

So amazing.

I used to rob people around here.

That's what he said.

You're like, that's awesome, dude.

Chrissy D and I were backstage.

And in his green room, there was an event from 1984, a poster that said cat ranking

assembly or cat ranking, whatever thing.

And he's like, My, you know how he teaches like that.

My Uncle Irvin was a cat ranking judge.

And I'm like, no, he wasn't.

He's like, no, look, there's videos on TikTok.

He's ranking cats.

Like, you're so fucking crazy.

So insane.

These guys are nuts, dude.

New Yorkers are different.

They're good.

It was the best.

It was really

fun.

Thank God.

It's like, this will always be a crazy memory for me is

doing

Red Man.

He was so nice, too.

His whole crew was so cool.

And also so high, just how I wanted him to be.

He was so goddamn high.

How high?

Well, so high he could touch the sky.

Like it was, it was very, very, there was so much.

There was, I was like, which

green room is Red Man in?

And then you just follow the smell and you're like, it's definitely this one.

Yeah, glad the kids didn't come to this.

And Primo came out.

Yep.

DJ Premiere.

Bunch of friends, family.

It was just, it was an awesome night.

Yeah, Sean took that.

He's framing that for me.

I thought that was a really cool photo.

I wonder if Bauhaus will open for me if I ever, you know, do MSG.

You have to.

You have to reach out.

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One thing before we leave the topic, I just want to give a shout out to London.

Yeah.

A number one food.

I don't know what happened to us a couple of years back.

Told you.

We got jacked.

Yeah, we went to bad places.

I don't know how that happened.

I just want to give a shout out to London.

Your food crushed.

However, I will say, I don't know what Europe has against public toilets.

It feels like they want you to eat the food, but not shit anywhere in public.

They're like, you take that dump home and you pee at home.

There's a lot of things I like more in Europe, but toilets is not one of them.

They just don't do public toilet.

And oh, you want to use our toilet?

It's like five pounds.

Yeah.

You got five pounds on you and then you have to stand in line.

I'm like, this is insanity.

I don't like it either.

So eventually I would pop into a pub.

I learned with

the kid.

Yeah.

And with the kids, oh, my kids have to pee.

Or we just pee in the car.

You want to shit somewhere in public?

You go to Tokyo.

it's the number one toilet system on earth is that right 7-11 has a toto washlet i mean what do you what do we what's going on here 7-11 i went purposely to 7-11 to take a shit see so this tells me that london england uk europe they have something against people going to the bathroom in public i don't know what they got they got a problem with i don't know not in um amsterdam in amsterdam remember they're like yo you want to pee just piss here oh amsterdam set up to to pee outside.

They're like, we know you're going to be ready to pee at any moment as a junk.

So here's this

outdoor stall.

Just a concrete thing.

And you see the

feet.

You see people.

You're like, oh, that guy's taking a piss right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because they started doing this, I guess, in the 1500s.

Because there's the first time.

It's the first outdoor urinal.

Yeah.

And now they're like, well, you're getting drunk.

By the way, just pee outside.

Once you get past kind of the surprise of this, you're like, well, this is brilliant.

I always have to pee.

I'm always looking for a place to pee.

So, the point is: if you're a tourist that likes to pee, the point is, if you gotta pee, you go to Amsterdam.

If you think you're gonna need this shit, you go to Tokyo.

Those are the two places that care about your pee and your poop.

All right, let's

get into this show.

You ready?

Let's start the show.

This is gonna be insane.

I really hate when they eat it, and then they realize that my garfield is gripping their tongue.

And so now they just want to feel it.

They need to feel it.

They have to feel it.

I don't have time for that.

Like,

if you're going to eat me out, I've got, I got, my garfield is great.

It's grand.

I'm telling you right now.

So if you want to eat me out, fine.

But if you want to go past that, just don't even start because when it grips your tongue, you're going to damn sure want to penetrate.

This shit is in the

Who is ready?

Don't bring anyone motherfucker.

Hell yeah.

Welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Simpson.

Christina Pushinsi, Christina Sips.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Meow meow meow meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Puke.

Man, she's got a tight little snatch on her, her, huh?

Yeah.

Well, you know, you always ask this of me whenever there's a cool guy.

Yeah.

This being a cool girl.

Yeah.

Well, do you want to hit it?

Knowing, hold on, knowing that her Garfield is pretty tight.

It's great.

It's grand and snug, and it'll grip my tongue.

Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.

To be honest, pretend we're not married.

You get carte blanche.

This is your one fear.

Yeah, there's a lot going on.

You're right.

This is a kind of reverse psychology thing you're doing here.

Well, you you know what?

Okay.

You mean you're always telling me, like, you don't think that guy's really good at doing the thing?

You don't think he'll eat your box out there?

Okay, I'll start with this.

I am curious at what the Garfield does.

Okay.

I'm not going to deny that I'm not curious.

In my mind, as she told the story, I was like, hmm, I wonder what's not going to have my tongue.

I was like, is it going to pull my tongue out?

So I did think that.

I mean, she's, you know,

she's attractive.

She's not an unattractive woman.

I'm, I don't love the ceiling of her car.

I don't love the headboard there.

By the way, I had this exact

cool guy, lighting and angle.

She's driving, talking about her pussy.

She's got some questionable judgment things going on.

But that probably makes it even better, babe.

Yeah, here's the thing.

Like you said, it's fine to just go, you know, would would I

have

intercourse with this woman?

I think I would.

Wow.

I think I would.

The honesty.

Yeah, I think I would.

I think I would.

See, this is where you and I agree to disagree.

Yeah.

I can't look past the externals.

I can't look past the teeth.

I can't look past the ceiling that's falling down.

Yeah, I would definitely, here's the thing.

Would I, is this one that I would

tell everyone about?

Like, you know, if you was a single guy, you'd tell your friend, I might keep it a secret.

You know, I might not tell them, hey, I fucked our Uber driver.

But, but, yeah, I mean, I'm so curious.

Her description is appealing.

So, but here's the real question: I always wonder: do you take her to your place?

Do you go to her place?

Do you go?

Is that her place?

Is the car her place?

It might be her place.

That's what I'm thinking.

That has I live in here vibes.

Yeah.

Also, what is that?

Like a stopwatch around her neck?

What's going on?

It's a heart monitor to pacemaker.

I don't know dude she's like i time my drives

okay she's got a lot of shit around her neck for sure there's a lot going on you're right she's she's kind of like it's kind of but here's the the only way you make this video as a lady is if you're kind of chaotic you know yeah yeah this isn't this isn't um but where do you take her i mean do you go to a shed because you want to keep it a secret you can't taunt no yeah no this is a this is a secret this lady's so then do you check into like a scummy motel maybe i don't know i mean you definitely are like, no, no, not here.

That's the first thing I would say to her.

Whatever.

She was like, all right, I'd be like, well, not here.

That's the first thing I would say to her.

Let's go somewhere else.

She's like, well, there's a, I go, how about on the

outskirts of town?

You know, like another town over.

Yeah.

She's kind of, this lady, you don't want her to, you don't want her to know where you live.

Right?

No, of course not.

Yeah.

So that's why that's number one.

Do you know what I just, yeah, sorry.

No, no, go ahead.

I just had a flash of, you know, when you, you just know two people and you're like, I wish I could set them up on a date.

Uh-huh.

Don't tell me that you don't think she and Unk Shine would be

a perfect match.

Ay, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because he's like, I want to lick your booty.

He's always talking about eating girls out.

Tongue, yay.

Yeah.

He loves eating girls out.

She loves having her girl.

Here's the thing, though.

She is

150 IQ points above him.

That's true.

I don't think she would be like, oh, you're cool.

She's, you know, I think she's had some attractive partners before.

Of course.

I would have to.

And like put together people.

Not like he has, he'll just be like, I saw a woman asleep on the floor.

He's a fucking master.

He is a mess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's true.

Yeah.

Well, I wonder which gentlemen are with her, though.

I don't know.

By the way, this ceiling thing that's hurt that's falling in her car, I had the exact thing happen in my 87 Chevy Nova, and I can tell there's I had cigarette burns in mine too, which I think I see up there as well.

Very hard.

Once it starts falling, that one is almost impossible to repair.

And also, it's very tough.

The fact, like, I don't have a problem with that being

the ceiling in your car.

You just don't have to show it in the video.

Yeah, you can angle it.

She could have just made this video parked this way.

Yeah, you can,

Maybe not while you're driving.

And that's really a safety thing.

I don't think you should make these videos while driving.

It's not necessary.

Guys in the booth, would you?

Are you curious as to what her Garfield's like?

Hell yeah.

Oh, wow.

Surprise answer from any of the things.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

No, that bitch got like a thousand bodies that would never admit that they fucked up.

Exactly.

100%.

Zolo?

I mean, yeah, the confidence really is, you know, intriguing.

Yeah, men are different creatures I'll tell you.

I want to know.

And she specifically was like,

she's talking about her Garfield grabbing tongues, not because it happened once.

It happens.

There's a bunch of guys who are like, holy shit.

Like, they're always.

I feel sick.

I don't want you doing that sound and like acting.

Stop.

And then she's right.

Then everyone's like, I want to put my dick in there.

Okey-dokey.

Yeah.

So.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know, apropos an earlier discussion on this show, I mentioned obese flight attendant that I had on a flight.

And so I was on another flight, and a fan of the show, this flight attendant, was kind enough.

And she goes, I heard what you said about the overweight flight attendant.

And I was like, yeah, tell me, why is this happening?

She goes, they haven't weighed us since 1994.

They used to weigh them in 94?

Absolutely.

I figured they thought weighed them in the 60s.

No.

And she says, you know, they they stopped weighing us because she said, apparently it's a form of discrimination and it's protected to be a great big fat person.

Now, here's the deal, man.

I mean, I don't know.

The lawyers didn't argue this case well

because that can be a controllable thing, your weight, correct?

And what if it's a qualification of said job that you need to be a certain well, you know, that's why you see fat cops, too, right?

Terrible.

They got to take the fitness.

Because they only have to take the fitness test once, which which is like in the academy, which is why you'll see these guys who are literally 330 pounds.

And you're like, you're going to chase a guy?

No.

But it makes no sense.

Like, let's say a qualification to be a physicist is a PhD in physicistics, right?

There's a qualification.

There's a thing that needs to happen.

So why can't maintaining a baseline?

There's probably

all unionized.

I mean, that's why cops.

They're all bald and shit.

They're all bald and shit, and why they don't have

a requirement to stay fit is because of the strength of the union.

So I imagine flight attendants have.

Is there a flight attendants union?

There must be.

Is there something like that?

I don't know.

I mean, look, a little.

I'm just saying that this guy was so obese that it was like he was bumping into us and stuff as he was walking by.

I'm like, he can't even do his job.

Yeah, there's the Association of Flight Attendants.

No.

Gosh.

Yeah.

Is the flight attendant?

It represents 50,000 flight attendants, and 100%

one of the things in there is we can be as fat as we want.

But it's cost-prohibitive for the airline because you're taking up someone's suitcase space, let's say.

They are.

Weight is important on an airplane.

It's a safety issue.

You're also giving up the happiness of the people that look at you.

That's the biggest problem.

You're supposed to look at them and be like, pretty.

Yeah.

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Remember when they were pretty and stuff?

You know where they still are?

Pretty women.

In Asia.

Singapore.

If you look at Cathay Pacific,

Cathay Pacific Airlines, they're just like, hey, if you're 125, you get fucked.

Get off of this plane.

They do not fuck around there.

Same thing with like all like those top-tier international ones.

Yeah, yeah.

They all are attractive.

Look at that.

They're all attractive and put together.

Singapore Air, Emirates.

Emirates is great.

Etiad?

Yeah.

Dude.

Oh, I know.

Look at them.

Gorgeous.

Dimes.

Yeah.

And guess what?

Everybody on that fucking flight is like this.

This is nice.

Happy.

Even shout out to Richard Branson on the Virgin line, the Virgin Atlantic.

I loved flying Virginia because they were all cool and pretty and they had cool outfits.

What's wrong with that?

It matters.

Can you not?

Yeah, there's restaurants that also only hire attractive women.

The hostess, of course, the waitress.

Oh, no.

That's deliberate.

Jesus Christ, man.

No, dude.

It's a safety issue.

How is this person going to assist me off?

She's so fat.

And also, when you fly, as you know, Tom, there's a weight allotment for aircraft.

Of course.

It affects the safety, the balance.

And here's the thing.

It's not just a big fatty, because I've had big, big Barb.

You know, she comes down like this, and her hips are hitting the seat next to you.

And guess what?

She's grumpy.

Yes.

She's kind of sweaty.

Yep.

She's not pleasant.

Not happy.

She's got a shit.

She's a big, big broad.

Big broad.

And she's not even providing good service.

They don't.

No.

Because she's trying to digest food.

Yeah.

She's all logie from the carbs.

I do.

However, the obese guy that served, he was gay too.

He was gay.

And he was polite.

He was fun because he was gay.

And by the way, I prefer a gay flight attendant.

I love the gay female ones.

Fat, gay.

I love a gay flight attendant.

And I'm fun.

They're great.

And I will say, shout out to the gays in New York City.

Boy, can they dress.

They looked fantastic.

The gays came with their fashions.

We were also talking about.

In the U.S., they have fat flight attendants.

That's hilarious, dude.

Yeah.

And how cool cool would it be to be the person featured in that article?

You're like, oh, my God.

Someone's like, hey,

you're in the press.

And they're like, what?

They're like a picture of me?

Yeah.

It's an article about how there's fat people here.

That's cool.

That is so

embarrassing.

People would be like, oh my God.

You're like, they can't use that picture, can they?

But I will say in

London, you don't see as many great big fat people because I think they don't have as much food on the go that we do.

Like you can't just grab a pizza slice and walk through London.

We're the fattest.

That's not by far.

Yeah.

Also, another thing you notice is how

many attractive people.

Obviously, this is a numbers game.

How many attractive people do you see in New York walking around?

So pretty.

Everyone's so good-looking.

So pretty.

So many good looking.

The modeling capital of one of the modeling capitals is stunning people.

Yeah.

No, a fucking

New York 6 is in Austin 10.

Oh, yeah.

listen, I love Austin.

I love Austin.

I got to say, a lot of the ladies walk around here garbage dumps.

They're not taking care of them.

They're not looking good.

I mean, you guys see that.

You're getting a lot of these.

Hang out, dude.

Like these, you know, that's Dallas and Houston.

You see them here, too.

But Austin is more like just the young girls that should be cute.

They dress like garbage bags.

And I'm like,

if you're looking like that, I hope you get your Garfield grips because you're going to have to bring something to the table, you know?

Gotta bring something to the table.

Here, you wanted to show me this.

What?

Holy.

Oh my god, you're distracting me right now.

Like, now you're just doing that.

Why?

Why are you distracting me?

Yeah, you're just distracting me.

No, but.

Oh, my God.

Stop.

You're annoying me.

Stop.

It's not cute.

No, he's distracting me.

So.

No, there's more.

There's more.

There's more.

Gonna see how it feels to have it be out there.

You're a winner.

Oh, my God.

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

No, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

This is why.

Yes, we'll have to just cut him out of the show.

No,

no, I mean, I think this is a really

raw show, and it's very real, and we took a lot of chances.

Did you see his face?

He was like, Bitch, I will hit you.

And I will say, in this instance,

he should have hit her.

I think this is the time you hit a bitch.

Is this that?

Is a fucking lack of respect.

Yeah.

Big.

She doesn't respect him at all.

Well, that's, yeah, I think this went pretty viral.

Yes, it did.

And they even made a joke about it.

Did you see it?

No.

On one of their, maybe it was his Instagram or hers.

Oh, really?

Like, they kind of replayed it in bed.

Oh, yeah, because she's like, a lot of people are saying that

I disrespect you, but I want you like I love you.

And I was like, dude.

She's like, I know, I know, I know.

I know you do.

I'm still learning English.

How do you say disrespect?

But can you find that?

I'll have to watch because I saw the first few seconds and I clicked off because I'm so disinterested in these two as people.

But I mean, could you, babe, if I talk to you like that,

first of all, privately, negative, but publicly, yeah, publicly,

bro, brah.

First of all, the guy's old.

Like, he doesn't want seven kids.

Also, he's letting you have seven kids.

Let's be clear about something too in this situation.

Just straight up.

Of the two of them, why is there a camera anywhere?

100%.

So, right then, when she goes, when I'm talking, you're not talking, he should have been like, Do you know why they're even fucking doing this?

100%.

It's not because of you.

No, babe.

It's because of me.

100%, babe.

So, how about whenever I feel like talking, you shut the fuck up?

And then a fucking

little

Sean Connery.

Yeah.

Ay que lastimar.

How do you say it?

What do you say when you get hit in Spanish?

Aye, ayy.

Yeah, it's insane.

It's insane.

But she has a great rack for fucking seven kids.

How do you feel?

She's beautiful.

I think she's a yoga instructor.

Of course, she's always working out on the ground.

You know how there's always reality shows about yoga instructors?

No, it's because you married a movie star.

All right, let's see this horse shit where she's.

Oh my god, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

No, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

This is why, yes, we'll have to just cut him out of the

And that is called, what's the word of the day?

Man interrupting.

Man interrupting, which could be a positive, it could be a negative, or it could be a

correctile dysfunction.

Yes, correctile dysfunction.

I think that's one of our children trying to get into the room.

But, you know, the whole point is, because our children are about to come in, the whole point is

that we interrupt each other all the time.

Why are they laughing?

What's the f-

Okay, I'm coming.

It's a great apartment in New York City.

Okay, so now that we've cleared all of that up.

Yeah, it's all those yoga classes she taught.

They know that I'm not.

That's a big.

Oh, my God.

That's a gorgeous place.

Big room.

That's going to be great.

Yeah, I like that.

The guy goes, the word of the day is rude.

You were rude to your husband.

Well, and then she doubles down on it.

This is a double down.

This is, listen.

Everybody knows what's going on.

What's going on here?

What is going on here?

Yeah.

He just is, does she have the grip in her Garfield?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure she's got a real grippy Garfield.

Is that this is?

I mean, not after seven, but I'm sure it started pretty grippy.

Yeah, it's not anymore.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

I mean,

I don't know.

It's pretty obvious, right?

He's like 30 years older than her or something.

Babe.

This is Alec Baldwin.

I know, but he met her.

He was already like in his 50s.

Sure.

And she was like, whatever, 28.

Cute.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's Alec Baldwin.

He can get.

He was with Kim.

He was basing her at one point.

Like, bro, he doesn't need her.

Well, this is, you know, the trains left the state.

You have seven kids with someone.

Yeah.

Maybe that's why she.

Is that why she's cramming someone out to like lock it down?

Lock it down.

Lock it down.

And also, like, it's funny because wild, dude.

You can tell who's a real performer and entertainer in this dynamic.

I mean, you're still, like, you're just still.

There's a reason why this wasn't your life.

Yes.

Before him.

It was because you're not that entertaining.

Well, she's not, there's no talent.

There's not a talent.

You're still a yoga instructor.

Yeah.

You just married a movie star.

She's gorgeous.

She's very pretty.

Good body, good fate.

Like, she's really, I don't think she's very interesting to listen to or there's not many ideas and stuff.

But,

wow, I'm surprised.

Did you see the rage?

Hold on.

Can you back it up in that interview where he kind of goes, he goes.

Oh, yeah, that was awesome.

Yeah, gonna see how it feels to have it be out there.

This is great.

This is a winner.

Oh, my God.

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

No, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

This is why

he just cuts it.

Now he's still funny.

No,

now he thinks about that.

I mean, I think this is a really

raw show, and it's very real.

And that's, you know, what happened right here?

When he went,

he was just like, you can't hit her.

You can't hit a woman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's thinking of the Garfield.

He goes think of her Garfield.

Yeah.

This fucking bitch, I had seven kids.

Yeah.

He's trapped, dude.

That is wild.

That's insane.

This is why we say it all the time.

How old is he now?

98.

No, he's got to be like...

Poor guy.

I mean, God, he was just 100%.

He's 66.

This man's almost 70 years old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But man, I had the biggest crush on him.

He's turning 67

when he did that movie, The Marrying Man, with Kim Basinger.

I was like, God, if I grow up to look like Kim Basinger and I could get Alec Baldwin.

Oh, he's a stud, dude.

Oh, my God.

I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen.

Oh, he's so handsome.

And when he was Jack Ryan?

What?

When he played Jack Ryan.

In what?

In

whatever it's called.

Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

That's when he's like...

That's his James Bond era, right?

Gorgeous.

Yeah.

He was fantastic in that.

Fuck, all the Baldwins, I think one or two are kind of goofy looking.

Yeah.

That genetic lottery just is what it is.

But he definitely got all the good stuff.

Yeah.

No, he's fantastic.

Voice, that gravelly voice.

Yeah.

He's really good.

Gosh, I really like that.

But this is also part of what putting your whole family on display.

Nope.

Like reality shows.

I cannot believe any of these people sign up.

I hope they're paying him a fucking

fortune for this.

But it's always a marriage killer because everybody that's ever done one, they end up divorced except for for Ozzie and what's her name?

Sharon Osborne.

But other than that, they didn't divorce her together.

But they were ironclad before.

I mean, Ozzie was doing crazy shit for years before they had a reality show.

The reality show probably calmed him down.

But they always end up divorced, broken.

No good.

No bueno.

No.

Whoa, my God.

That was just fucking insane.

Oh, yeah, this is, you're going to love this.

I would have hit her.

Fuck, dude.

Got a montage for you.

You ready?

Oh, yeah.

Here we go.

Come over to get it up.

Get your target broken up by Devlin now.

Third year to 412, probably no one will fucking stop them.

Bastards.

They do the most hated things to my belly button.

My lips and big up skin falling out of my mouth.

Abrasions from their

energy voice.

Stop chugging me.

I'm trying to be strong here.

I'm having a breakdown tonight.

Oh.

Do you hear me?

This is what it feels like to take the subway in New York City.

I sent a video of verse to Sickler.

He goes, the funniest part is that I see that you follow her.

I was like yeah every day she's just like ah look at my tongue they're sending they're sending radioactive waves into my apartment yeah yeah my mom got into that later in the life there the there's waves and the telephone's got sound waves I can't use the telephone I can't send emails it's there yeah this is a little bit of schizophrenia Tom yeah she's schizophrenic it's pretty cool she's really mad at the Canadian government I know her whole story

What's she mad at?

The Canadian government is attacking her and they're trying to

send these

kind of penetrative waves into her place and they're

abusing her and she just wants somebody to come in and stop them.

Yeah.

They even follow her outside and stuff.

You got to put tinfoil on the windows.

Everybody knows that.

Day number one.

And yeah, don't go outside.

This is when you become a shark.

This is about where my mom decided to call it a day and stay in the middle of the day.

Man, there's a lot lot of tears going on.

Yet she still knows how to post a video on.

And she writes.

And she writes the captions.

She does.

Oh, wow.

So she's still there.

There's something's still there.

It's not all there.

Something's there.

Wow.

Looking forward to her creative development.

Yeah.

We'll have a follow-up pretty soon.

You know, the Baldwins, I don't think they're doing it right as a family, but I think this is a great move for our family.

Using a family cloth instead of toilet paper.

Everyone learns responsibility, cleaning the family cloth.

You don't have to waste all that fucking money on toilet paper.

You know what I mean?

Think about how much you would save in a year.

Hundreds, maybe thousands of years.

I'm into this.

And the waste, just the

magical.

I just shit.

Yeah.

I wipe my ass with the family cloth.

Rinse it off put it there.

Why are you rinsing it though?

What are you using soap, right?

I don't think you need to go that far.

Just a little run under the sink, have all the shit go down into the sink, and then

hang it back up.

Now it's your turn.

The problem, though, is that I got to wipe my giny.

That's fine.

Do I get my own cloth?

No, no, no.

It's just a family cloth.

We share it as a family.

I can't use the shit cloth on my vagina.

Sure, you can.

You can just flip over the cloth.

I don't know what I didn't think about that.

And then the boys, they get to wipe it.

They wipe it.

No, you know how they're so meticulous with all the things they do.

Perfectly used and perfectly clean.

This is such a great idea.

We got to get into the family club.

I thought you'd like that.

Family clock.

She's cute.

She's got great heiny.

She's got a great ass.

Pretty face.

I could do these videos so well.

I'm going to get into this.

Yeah.

50-year-old mom farts.

A lot of farts.

Like,

she's doing makeup.

Do you see she's got her eyeliner brush in her left hand there?

No, I could do this.

Every time I worry if you're going to drop dead and I have to support the kids, I remember I can do these.

Farts, yeah.

I know any's turned on right now.

She got to do this, man.

She's got to shit, is what she's got to do.

She's ready to shit.

She's got to do this because

guys get hard.

They pay for it.

She's better than this, man.

She could do other things.

Yeah.

She doesn't want to.

The other things are nasty.

This is easy.

This is money on the table.

It is the easy.

Of all all the kinks you can get into, farting is like, some people are like, I fart whatever, 20 times a day.

They're like, yeah, just roll it.

Roll camera.

Roll camera.

Yeah.

You don't hear her breathing, breathing heavy.

Like, oh, fuck.

Got to get another one.

That's just the theatrical

migraines and shit.

She doesn't feel like she's

really,

you know, exposing herself.

She's like, nope.

Yeah, I don't even see her face.

And her tits are put away.

This is what I'm saying.

Her clothes is on.

Her clothes is on.

Her clothes are on.

Her clothes are on, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's everybody?

Yeah, I think that I could do this lickety split.

Yeah.

I think I got a new painting coming.

I finished one.

I will be honest.

I did finish my next one, but I'm not sure it's good enough.

All right, well, listen.

I've got some artistic stuff.

I don't know.

I'm very feeling insecure.

Reed, I need a rogue.

Reid, I need a rogue.

I need a rogue.

God, you have to start creating a rogue pocket in your pants and stuff.

You're so good.

No, it's not a bad idea.

Don't forget, by the way, his name's Breed.

He likes Breed.

Breed?

Breed.

I didn't know Breed.

Breed.

Why a Breed?

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Do you like to go by Breed?

No, that's just what fucking any colours.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Black guys love cool nicknames.

I know.

He's lying.

Breed.

MC Breed.

That was so silly.

Reed, can I tell you something about Reed, though?

Yeah, he's pushing back now.

Is he?

Yeah, he's getting some sass, he's getting his feathers ruffled.

That's what you want, man.

He's pushing back.

Yeah, yeah.

He came in a little more docile and now he's like, fuck you, dude.

Yeah, well, he's gotten

good.

He's getting, yeah, he's comfortable.

Yeah, he's getting strong.

I like it.

I like it.

I like it too.

I like it too.

Okay.

Honestly, honestly.

This entire episode, I have just been holding on to get to this.

and that is

that

our buddy um

no tony johns

if you have not been following this on instagram because we've been traveling touring and i've been watching every day

i see

something of tony john and i

at first i was like oh this one thing just happened to him it has been if there was a reality show on this right it's the most dramatic two weeks that could possibly happen in somebody's life.

So

let me just recap

what has happened in two to three weeks since this guy.

Can we set it up?

What part of the world is he?

This is in Auburn, New York.

Okay.

Upstate New York.

And,

you know, the only thing we knew, we knew, we knew when he came on, just to kind of set all this up.

We knew he had been working at Lowe's and that that was like a stable thing for him and then he'd gotten let go.

And you're like, well, you know, that does happen, right?

People have jobs, they lose their job.

It's just a reality of life.

And you're like, okay, you lost your job.

And he's like, well, now I got a job at Walmart.

And you're like, yeah, cool.

You were at Lowe's.

Now you're at Walmart.

You're stocking shelves.

You're doing your thing.

You're making a living.

You know, hopefully you can do that for a while.

In

the

three weeks since we last kind of spoke to him, he lost his job job at Walmart.

No.

He's being evicted.

He started an OnlyFans charging $20 a month.

He has about 10 fans right now.

He was kicked out of a library, the public library, because he was filming inappropriate content with panties in his mouth.

He got kicked out of Cayuga Community College Library because he was asking for money.

He got kicked out of Planet Fitness, which was his favorite Judge Free Zone, where he would go

every fucking day.

he was at planet fitness he got kicked out because he was recording in the bathroom and they reported him for that he got in trouble at the tanning salon for leaving a mess and hitting on staff and by mess i'm assuming there's some fluid

um

he's seeking a new job he's taking legal action against the landlord with an attorney for being kicked out of his apartment and for being a prostitute or something there he believes this is all about jealousy people don't like him.

Social discrimination.

What?

So here's just like, let's see, like kind of a

few of these put together, okay?

How's it going, everybody?

So there was a little situation here at Walmart.

A co-worker

has now threatened me with my life.

A co-worker has now told me that he is going to snap my fucking neck.

I am very, very scared right now.

I don't know what's going on.

I don't know what's going to happen.

But a co-worker has now threatened me with my life saying that he is going to snap my neck

i'm very very nervous very very scared for my safety i don't know it's very very scary and this is a big boy this is a big man

tiger making threats towards me wow

crazy crazy man

So one of the things about Tony Johns, I like Tony Johns a lot, a lot.

I really like it.

Of course.

But one of the patterns that you see in all these is he's like, Here's some shit happening to me.

I don't know where it happened from.

And it's like, you know, did a co-worker just be like, I'm going to break your fucking neck for no reason?

Right.

Because he's like, crazy.

Shit's just wild.

Fucking insane that this is happening.

You're like, well, something happened, right?

And then not taking responsibility.

There's no accountability.

Yeah.

I don't know if it's a plumbing issue or pipes might be plogged.

There's

another banter bathroom down here.

Sir.

Pretty wild out here.

I hope you didn't put me on fucking film, buddy.

Oh, no, sir, partner.

You want to be on film?

I can put you on film if you want.

No, you can, actually.

Cool, you got it.

He doesn't want to be on film, so he won't be on film.

Yeah, have a good day, partner.

Got a plumber here talking to me.

But yeah, this bad boy is out of commission here.

This is a judge-free zone here, sir.

Judge-free zone.

Got a plumber.

All right, boss.

I'm a worker.

So that's his other favorite new expression.

Judge Freezer.

No, worker.

He's a worker.

I'm a worker.

He says it a fucking million times a video, okay?

So

me and a couple co-workers got into a little scuffle at Walmart nighttime stocking crew.

My one co-worker was making fun of me because of my past.

I used to be really poor.

So I ended up blowing up and

blowing off on him and making fun of him because his wife ended up cheating on him with a pastor both these clowns ended up taking off running to the manager and ended up crying and complaining to the manager and I was escorted out

I don't know if that whole story adds up

yeah what's going on Scott I just got home dude this is his landlord I've been looking for a job keep going I just got home what's your problem

what's your problem partner I hate you

Why do you hate me, boss?

Because you're a prostitute.

Okay, I make money fucking women and you make on OnlyFans.

You're going to wind up turning into a damn rock.

And then eventually you'll be a murderer.

And then you'll be in prison for the rest of your life.

No, sir.

And I'm going to make sure that somebody's watching you for the rest of your life.

Okay?

No, sir.

I'm a ladies' man.

I'm a performer.

Goodbye, man.

I'm a performer.

You prefer to authenticate.

I'll be up all night doing solo videos.

Yes, sir.

Yep, yep, you got her, partner.

I'll be up all night doing solos, baby.

Yes, sir.

Have a good night, partner.

A bag's a bag, baby.

Yeah, you're sick.

Fuck.

Oh, yeah.

That's his landlord.

Yikes.

That's his landlord.

I'm a worker.

He's a worker.

He's a worker.

I mean, have you ever spoken to anybody

like that in your life?

No.

Like, especially the landlord.

That's not all of it, dude.

Aye, yeah, yeah,

I really have.

I've done nothing wrong, man.

I learned that.

Tell him you're a worker.

Membership's been canceled at Planet Fish.

They'll be hearing from my lawyer, too.

Judge-free zone here.

Worker, judge-free zone.

They'll be hearing from my lawyer.

These guys are wild in here, man.

It's a judge-free zone.

That guy's judging me.

That worker's judging me.

Seriously, that guy is judging me for my social media because I'm a performer and I'm a worker.

He's very tan in this one.

I don't see, and I've just been like putting together his obsession with being a worker.

Right.

Because he also walked into multiple car dealerships

with wraparound shades, a backwards hat, a chain.

He's like, you guys hired?

I can sell the fuck out of these cars

on live, Instagram live.

And they're, you know, the dealerships are like, uh,

yeah, why don't you fill out some paperwork?

Like, they're like, who's this fucking lunatic?

Yeah.

And he's like, I'm a worker.

I'm a worker.

and you know, just out here, I'm a worker man.

I don't know if he's like, I thought he was using it as the like, I'm just somebody who works hard, yeah.

But now I think he just uses it as I'm a sex worker.

Like, I think he heard, I think so.

I think he heard the term and he adopted it, like, oh, yeah, that's me, I'm a sex worker, you know?

Yeah, he shouldn't really tell people.

Yeah,

he opened his interview, he's like, I got a couple DUIs, and the guy was like, that's cool.

You know, can I tell you what he's giving me, though?

Kind of giving me Fed Smoker.

That's that's the thing.

Yeah, some people think Fed FedSmoker has been reincarnated.

Oh, for sure.

And I am not against that.

Yeah, me either.

I'm lacking this evolution.

You know, we started as a ladies, man.

Just get to D-Wap, baby, bee.

And now we're getting aggressive.

We're starting to get into FedSmoker territory.

You're fired, bud.

You sure are.

We're getting there.

This is turning.

This is turning.

Changing my lock.

They're changing the locks on this apartment.

Myers are Scott's.

I don't don't know.

What's dealing with

right down there, probably.

Scott.

Working.

Market.

Oh, yeah.

Working.

Oh, yeah.

Working, boss.

Working.

You got my sweetheart right there on the left, yeah.

There, Scott.

You got a sweetie.

100%.

Yep.

Perfect.

No, sir.

Thank you.

Perfect.

I'll see you boys in court.

Oh, yeah, 100%.

I'll see you boys in court.

We got workers, thongs.

Let's get it.

I'll see you boys in court.

Yep.

That's fine with me, partner.

That's totally cool with me.

I've been homeless before.

I'm not scared.

I'm a big boy.

I got my big boy pants on.

Let's go.

Woo!

Let's go.

So, one of the things he's doing

is he's saying,

they're like, are you going to pay any more rent?

He's like, fuck no.

I'll see you guys in court.

It's like, yeah, that's not a good

angle for court.

They try to throw me out for not paying rent.

And I'm not sure what to do with that.

Judges are like,

I want to sue them.

Like, you know.

He doesn't have a case.

I don't know, man.

Then he goes to the community college.

I'm on my way to the

show to apply for jobs like this.

He walked into a car dealership like you guys hiring.

But he had a hat on, chains on, too.

You know, the local community college library, because the other library I can't go to, but this community college I can go to.

Your boy is going to school.

Nice.

Boy, what's going on?

What's going on?

This is crazy.

This is crazy.

Wow.

No, he's getting kicked out.

What are you talking about there?

That's craziness, man.

They're asking me to leave now?

This is crazy, like written in the letters, sir.

I've done nothing wrong.

Again, I'm an innocent man.

He says this a lot, too.

He says, this is crazy.

I've done nothing wrong, and I'm an innocent man, and then usually I'm a worker right after that.

At least in 15 videos that I've seen.

I wish I could see what he's doing that's ramping these folks up.

I think we're going to get to that in a a minute.

Oh, thank God.

I will leave.

I'm going to walk out.

I'm just wondering why.

I've done nothing wrong.

This is craziness.

Before you have to call us.

I'm going to leave right now.

Yes, ma'am.

That's my letter.

But yeah,

this is craziness.

Seriously, this is crazy.

Wild.

This is crazy.

Seriously.

I'm a very good man.

I've done nothing wrong.

Seriously.

You could just follow us.

Craziness.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll follow you guys right now.

I'm going.

They're going to walk me out the building.

Yes.

Yep.

I'm walking out right now.

ladies, man, crazy.

So, this is the second library that's asked him to leave.

No, and he loves the library.

Remember, we asked him what's his favorite place.

We were like, You like the library?

And you told him, What's your favorite book?

He goes, I like magazines.

Yeah.

And then we said, What's your favorite magazine?

He goes, I can't lie.

I love my hustlers.

Yeah.

We're like, At the library?

At the library?

I don't think they carry that.

Well, you can bring them in.

You're like, okay.

Maybe that's why he's getting kicked out.

Here's another.

This is, by the way, this isn't taking place over six months.

Right.

This is just literally like 14 days.

Tony, Tony.

Out here working, baby.

Trying to make an honest dollar.

Out here working.

Doing crazy social media videos.

It's craziness, man.

You know, just trying to, you know, make an honest dollar.

What else do you hear?

Yeah, I got it.

This is classic Tony, though.

This one came down.

We grabbed it before it came down.

This is the essence of TJ, though.

This is the Tony Jones I know and love.

A little porn in the background.

Then the tanning salon sent him some text messages that he posted.

I don't know if you want to take that one.

Can you read that?

I can't read it.

Sorry.

Anthony, this is a message from Zoom Tan.

It has come to our attention that you left your room in an unsanitary condition multiple times and have been inappropriate with the staff.

If this happens again, your account will be terminated.

You will be permanently banned from Zoom Tan.

He wrote, what are you talking about?

Interesting.

Let's look at some camera footage.

I will be down later around 7.

Our salon does not have access to the cameras to review.

You are more than welcome to email customer service to speak further.

Then

he

goes, bet, no worries.

Thanks.

I will be down at stuff.

I had no idea.

I love Zoom Tan.

I can't get kicked out because I need to look good for my line of work.

So please understand I will focus on myself.

I won't hit on any of the front desk ladies anymore.

Yes, they are all beautiful, but yes, I will focus on myself and I will be a good boy.

I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

I'm sorry.

A little accountability there.

Yeah.

Then the Scott the landlord's back.

What's going on, Scott?

What's going on here, partner?

Nah, nah, what's going on, boss?

Yo, you're the one who.

I just got home.

What you doing, boss?

What are you doing, Prayer?

Clinging your shit!

What?

Cleaning your fucking shit.

Why don't you sign a waiver and get in a ring with me?

Perfect.

Let's go.

Okay, go.

Let's go.

100%.

Let's go.

Let's go.

So, this is one Lord Scott will hop in the ring with me.

You'll sign a waiver?

I'll sign a waiver.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

You know what?

Let's go.

100%.

No, no, we need waivers.

Waivers.

Waivers.

We can sign.

Nope, waivers, waivers.

100%.

We can sign a 100%.

We can sign up.

Look at this guy.

Look at this crazy man.

He's lost his mind.

Off his meds.

Off his meds.

Total craziness.

We don't have to wait.

Don't.

No.

Hell no.

Have a good night, sweetheart.

Have a good night.

Yes, sweetie.

Have a good night.

Yes, sir.

Just a Tuesday.

I thought they changed the locks.

How is he getting back into the place?

I have curious about that, too.

This is his lamp.

Perhaps my favorite of all these is when he did when IMH Live, we were like, Would you

fuck a guy for a million dollars?

And he was like,

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Maybe.

Yeah.

And then we were like, What about like 500,000?

He was like, That's a shitload of money.

Yeah.

It was still like a lot of money, you know?

And then now he's like, Hey, everybody, the ladies, man, here,

hear me out.

I got my swig, got my bag here.

What is he drinking?

Usually, Fanta.

OnlyFans money, right here.

So, hear me out.

And I know this may sound totally wild, totally out of this world, but hear me out.

Me being a poor boy growing up,

and this may sound wild to a lot of people, but me personally, dude, I'm loving this OnlyFans money.

Okay.

I would do some crazy stuff.

Gay for pain.

Which is

the partners.

Let's be straight.

Gay for pay.

A hole is a hole.

But see, there's always a price tag on something, you know?

Yeah.

Ladies, man, here, I'm just letting everybody know: hey, man, money talks.

See?

See, you know what he figured out?

Let's go.

With OnlyFans?

Is that the only people paying for sexual content on OnlyFans is dudes.

It's men.

Women are not paying for it.

Well, the other thing you realize if you are doing that kind of stuff.

I'm a worker.

You're a worker.

You're a worker.

You're just working, bro.

Do you think he has a bank account, though?

I'm a ladiesman.

I'm a performer.

No.

There's no way he's paid yet.

How are you?

He has a very, very

bad relationship with money.

Right.

It's extremely bad.

I can tell.

I mean, look at, look,

he's got money for the tanning salon, for the fitness.

His perspective

is, if I have money, immediately spend it because it's just money and more money will come in later.

And you're like, what are you talking about?

He spent his money that we gave him in a day.

Like, he had a trouble getting that check cashed.

Like, he couldn't get it cashed.

And then he got it cashed and he was like, now I'm going to spend it all.

That's what I mean.

Like, it's insane.

I don't know.

I wish he would just stay at a Walmart.

Like, he needs that structure.

He needs a paycheck.

Let's find out what's going on.

Can we call Tony?

All right.

Let's call Tony.

All right.

Can I finish first?

I got.

Oh, she wants the P first.

Can I get a beer?

Tony.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yo, bro.

How's it going, man?

Yo, dude, it's, yo, dog, is this fucking Tom?

Yeah, it's Tom and Christina, man.

Oh, dude, yo.

Tony.

Yo, yo, no, no, no, no, no, you guys.

Yo, no, no, no.

Like, I'm like spazzing out right now because, yo, dude, check me out.

No, no, ever since I got back from Texas, Texas, no, hear me out.

Yeah.

My life was legit changed 100% because of you crazy guys.

And I love you guys, man.

Yo, Tom.

Yeah, man.

If I ever get back down to Texas, partner, I want to suck your big toe.

Is that okay?

That's an awesome offer, man.

Thanks.

Yes, sir.

Dog, dude.

Dude, you cannot do it.

Everywhere I go out near New York, all through upstate, everywhere, dog.

Like, dude, cute girls are checking me out, dog.

It's just.

tony i gotta ask you i gotta true i gotta ask you something man i have been following like really in detail um everything going on on instagram for the last few weeks it's been a wild wild few weeks for you and so yes sir i want to ask something so initially i was perplexed that you know the the public library tossed you out that day right

crazy it was crazy and you were like this is wild this is crazy But they had to have had some re like, what was the reason that they kicked you out of the library?

Yes, sir.

So, so, Tom, check me out, dude.

It's a wild story.

So,

um, a girl, you know, she was a co-worker at Lowe's.

Um,

and I know it's not right, brother, but uh, you know, a beautiful girl.

Um,

she, uh, you know, we had some fun on Christmas, and that was the last time I ever saw her.

Right.

I was taking some explicit photos, sir.

And I posted them on

Instagram.

And it was, I think, yeah, it was,

I don't know, dude, it was some explicit photos and fucking,

yeah, dude.

It's just fucking craziness, brother.

Wait, what were the photos?

But you, Tony?

You posted photos of you or of her?

No, no, of me, of me, 100% of me.

I had, you know,

her thong in in my mouth.

Oh, you had, oh, so you had her thong in your mouth?

That makes sense.

And then, why did you choose to take those photos at the library?

It's a cool setting, but why?

I don't know.

It's kind of wild, to be honest with you.

Yeah, it's kind of wild.

I mean, you're a worker.

Oh, 100%.

Yes, yes, sir.

Dude, to be honest with you, dude,

I know, man.

Like, I was just in the moment.

In the moment.

And so, what?

Somebody then saw you taking a photo with a thong in your mouth at the public library, and then they go, hey, get out of of here.

Yeah, well, because, dude, dude, I tagged the OnlyFans dog because I've been trying to promote my OnlyFans late.

Yeah, let's promote it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, sir.

But uh, yeah, dude, to be honest, it was really, really weird photo, but uh, you know, I was just trying to make promotions on the OnlyFans dog.

So, what can people see on your OnlyFans?

Yeah, what are they seeing?

Let's talk about OnlyFans.

Oh, I'm loving the OnlyFans, you guys, dude.

Like,

I'm getting my bills paid because

of adult content.

Okay,

so hold on here.

Make that bigger for me, guys, a little bit.

So for people who want to

follow Tony's OnlyFans, it's at Tony Michael Johns96.

Yo, ma'am, worker.

We got people yelling out here on the driving, Tom.

People yelling, worker.

Worker.

100, Tom.

I made it 100% because of you guys.

Whoa, I'm so happy for you.

We had some, yo, yo, Tom, some, some crazy ladies yelling out the window.

Worker, did you hear that?

Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.

Wow, that's craziness.

yo this is what i'm saying dude like talk i dude this is crazy it's all just craziness and i'm loving every minute of it brother so um can people see explicit content on your only fans oh 100 it's all 18 plus yes sir

and is there is there yes sir 100 all explicit they're they're dropping low picks yep yeah

shots cool are you have you done any um oh so we'll get to this in a second first of all very excited for your only fans ladies gentlemen sign up and subscribe.

You can see some awesome adult content on Tony's OnlyFans.

What happened at Planet Fitness?

I thought they were a judge-free zone.

Why did they kick you out?

Oh, yeah.

So

I didn't read through the contract,

the whole contract when I signed the thing.

That is another crazy story out here, Tom.

Oh, geez, partner.

So, dude, I didn't read through the whole paperwork and and there's no there's no allowed like photos taken so I was taking a few you know few shirts you know a few photos of my tank top

and you know on the massage chair you know trying to relax you know yeah and you know I was also

I was in closed doors to be honest Tom I took a little OnlyFans video in the one of the red light therapy rooms there and

I don't know so they they took it offensive and they said, Hey, get out of here.

We don't want your business no more.

I said, No, kind of like

I thought you were a judge free zone kind of thing.

I was all confused.

Dude, I even did a live Tom.

I was like, I went in there because I was all shocked.

I was like, Whoa, what's going on here, guys?

You know, like, Judge Free Zone, you know what I'm saying?

Like, why am I getting judged for doing

films

in the tanning rooms?

But, Tony, do you have somewhere private you can make these films?

Just somewhere private?

See, that's another thing, too.

See, my landlord and

his...

Yeah, him and James Jappell, these guys are nuts.

Fucking slum names.

100%.

Fucking total slum.

Can I swear right now, Tom?

Yeah, for sure.

100%.

God, holy fuck, these guys are slums.

So, yeah, these guys fucking hate me because I'm doing some adult content up in my room.

So where do you stand with them?

Are you not paying rent?

Oh, no, no, hell no.

I'm not.

So, no, no, I'm not a walking ATM.

Tom, like, yo, hear me out.

Yeah, what the fuck?

So, I paid rent.

I paid rent.

Yeah.

The whole time I've lived there.

And, and, and both of these, both of these crazy slum lords spazzed out on me a few weeks ago, totally spazzed out.

I got it all on film.

It's all on Instagram.

Check it out.

It's these guys are fucking scumbags.

Yeah.

So, yo, Tom, fucking

dude, and I've I've been all spooked up, all shaken up and shit lately, and they just spasmed.

Where does it stand?

We don't promote OnlyFans here.

I said, hey, fuck you, motherfuckers.

I love, no, hear me out.

I love doing adult content.

I love showing off for the ladies.

I'm a worker.

Performer.

100%.

So where does it stand with them?

Because I saw

it looked like a petition,

a court

filing online.

Are you guys going to be going to court?

The two of you?

Oh, yeah, 100%.

I got a jailhouse lawyer.

Oh, yeah, 100%.

Tom, and you know, I'm squatting right now.

I'll be honest with you, man.

I try to be as honest as I can.

Yo, Tom, can I tell you another crazy story, bro?

Please, dude, so when I got back from Texas, dog, fucking everything just went so wild and crazy because it's a small town.

You know, there's like 28,000 people in Auburn, maybe 30, I think it's like 28

but uh

craziest thing ever dude i was hopping on the bus dude because i usually take the bus i usually go for walks yeah

and a girl you know there was a my uh uh you know that blonde girl i was telling you about uh several months ago dude a co-worker at lowe's yeah sure yeah Dog, dude, I love that girl so fucking much, Tom, to a point to where, dude, I would have done anything for this chick.

And dog, fucking, dude, I saw her on the bus, man.

and dude i haven't seen this chick since fucking um since uh uh christmas dog that was my christmas present i i got you know i got lucky but anyways dude i haven't seen this chick since christmas dog and she was on the bus you wouldn't believe what happened partner i hop on the bus i'm like oh well there she is dude she threatened to spray my ass on the bus oh Yes, sir.

I couldn't believe it.

I said, whoa, what's going on, babe?

She said, oh, fuck no, I ain't your babe, partner.

Oh, dude, it was nuts, dog.

She threatened to spray me.

Took out the can of mace and everything, dog.

Whoa, what the fuck, man?

Dude, I'm like, what the fuck's going on?

Like, I really fucking liked her, dude.

I'm like, what the fuck?

Hey, Tony,

Sweet, do you do you have a bank account that you can link the OnlyFans to?

Are you getting paid?

Yes, ma'am.

I do on the

yes, ma'am.

Okay, so you're getting your money from OnlyFans.

That's good.

That's good.

Doing that.

And then can you find a new place to live?

Yeah, I just

looking on Craigslist and other places right now.

But right now,

I don't know.

It's up in the air.

It may be a week.

It may be a month.

I don't know.

I'm just kind of chilling.

Let me ask you this.

I noticed that you posted screenshots from Zoom Tan.

And they had said

in the screenshots that you had left the tanning room you were in in an unsanitary condition.

What are they exactly.

What did you do in there?

So

I like my lotion, Tom.

Yeah.

And I mean,

it might have looked bad

for the worker, the lady workers' perspective.

But I, I don't know, dude.

I was in a rush, Tom, to catch the bus to go back home.

And I don't know, dude, there was quite a bit of lotion all over my body, man.

And,

you know, so I did make a mistake there.

I did kind of trash the room before I left.

That's not good.

Now, and I, you know, and I, yeah, are you on good terms with them now?

Did you go down there and work it out?

Oh, yes, yes.

So, what I did is I actually went down there and I actually did apologize, Tom.

Good, good, you know, and I, I, I'm, I'm a sincere dude.

I said, hey, I made a mistake.

Yes, ma'am.

You know, it was one of the lady workers.

I'm very respectful towards women.

I said, hey, you know, I made a mistake.

Yeah.

You know, and I asked him nicely, can I get my membership back?

They said, no, but we, you know, we appreciate, you know, we appreciate your honesty, you know and just saying sorry so that's what i did

um i also noticed because you it was very compelling to watch that you went to a few car dealerships to try to get hired to sell cars um

did any of them kind of make an offer

uh no no no i wish man i uh i don't uh have a license yet tom so i

man i would love to get back in in the selling car industry uh because i am a really good salesman i think i I believe it.

I bet you would be a really good car salesman.

You love people, you love talking to people.

Yeah, that's a great gift.

Getting new customers.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How you been, Christina?

I'm good, sweetie.

I'm just glad to hear how happy you are.

And I like that.

I'm loving all this.

Good.

I like that OnlyFans is working out for you.

And you mentioned in your stories that maybe you would consider doing some videos for the guys because I think guys actually pay quite a lot more than women on

Yes, ma'am.

So tell me about that.

What's that?

Hey, you know,

if there is a big performer out there that's willing to,

you know,

put me out, you know,

I'd love to, you know, like straight up, like blow my back out.

You know, I mean, if the money's good, hey, I'm gay for pay.

A hole's a hole, partner.

That's

good.

Awesome.

I think what you should do.

But it's right.

You know, I need some cash and a hole's a hole.

That's right.

I think what you should do, because, you know, we've been in touch with Alexis and we're working on getting this scene going with her as your debut.

You're still down to do that, right?

Oh, 100%.

I'm ready.

Let's go.

Yeah, so that's going to happen pretty soon.

I think what you should do is debut with Alexis and then maybe have your next scene be with a male star.

And we actually know one.

We know one.

Oh, nice.

Fuck yeah.

No, for real.

I'm like, let's go.

Let's do this.

I think we should reach out to him.

I think so.

Yeah, because that would be a great back-to-back debut.

Yeah, because I think this is actually your lane.

I think you may have found your talent, Tony.

Yeah.

Yes, no.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Yes, ma'am.

But try to find somewhere more private, maybe.

I don't want you to end up in jail, okay?

Yeah, don't get kicked out of another place.

Film in your place for now or a place that allows that kind of thing.

But like

libraries and stores and stuff,

it's just asking for problems.

Yeah, I don't want you to get in trouble, man.

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

Thanks, Tom.

I really appreciate you guys always looking out for me.

Trying.

So let's, yeah, let's keep

the guys are going to reach out to you because I think we're going to have a schedule for you to go see Alexis here pretty soon.

And hopefully after that, you know, we'll do our next

season.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's all right.

Fuck, dude, fuck, man.

Yo, dude.

Yeah, and we'll fly you out there.

We're going to fly you out to Vegas to Tom.

I love you guys, bro.

So hopefully.

I think he's going to stay in Vegas.

Vegas might be where you love to live.

I think you might like Vegas a lot, Tom.

Yeah, I think maybe you should pack all your shit for it.

Yeah, I think you should, dude.

Perfect.

Yeah,

fuck it.

Let's go.

Yeah.

I'll grab fucking a couple's suitcases and fucking fuck it.

Let's go.

I think you should.

Yes, ma'am.

Yeah.

I think it's time to leave Auburn.

I'm fired up, man.

Like, straight up, Tom.

Like, this is amazing.

Christina, like, life-changing what you guys have done for me.

Listen, it's time to leave Auburn.

I think you're right.

It's time to change and level up.

You're ready.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm a worker.

You're a worker now, dude.

Yes, ma'am.

And guess what?

Vegas is a very judgment-free zone.

Yeah, it's like the city of Vegas is like a planet fitness, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, that's amazing.

Yeah, you got to go.

That's where you got to be.

Yeah.

Guys, Zolo, can you guys get him a schedule soon here so we can kind of lay this up?

Okay.

Cool.

All right.

Tony, thanks for the follow-up.

Stay out of trouble.

Don't get arrested.

Don't get arrested.

And, you know, just

keep the camera.

I will stay out of trouble and I will not get arrested.

thank you for everything.

You guys talk, Christina, like this really has been life-changing.

Cougar, Josh, I love you all, man.

I'll suck all your toes.

There you go.

There you go.

That's a spirit.

Don't forget Enny.

He's big on that.

I'm good.

He don't know me.

All right.

All right, Tony.

We'll talk to you soon, man.

Take care, man.

Thanks, you guys.

Okay.

Yep, sweetie.

Wow.

When I tell you, if we aren't making dreams come true.

That's just unreal.

You guys ready to get your toes sucked?

That's a new thing.

I haven't heard that before.

I need to suck your toes now.

Yeah.

But what a great lane for him.

I think sucking on dudes' toes, like, that's easy money too.

So much many people willing to pay for that.

Of course, there is.

And I think he's, you know, here's the thing.

He's kind of like a savant secret

smart businessman.

He doesn't realize that he is,

I think, finding his lane, which is in gay performing.

Of course.

That is where the money is for a male.

Of course, for a male performer, that's where the money is.

And I think sending him to Vegas is going to change his life.

Now, we saw a couple quick screenshots, and we don't have to see them again.

But, Cougar, did you have a chance to review Tony's OnlyFans?

Yes, I did.

Could you give us a review?

Well, if you're into solo work, if you're into oiled-up cocks that are slightly askew and

are the perfect size for a performer, Tony's page is the page for you.

What's your review of his dong?

Is it like a nice-sized dong?

Yeah, I'd say so.

Yeah, definitely.

And he goes to completion?

Yes, he does.

Yeah, because he's a worker.

How's that load?

Good size?

Perfect.

Yeah.

I wish Robert Paul Champagne were into skinny white guys.

Oh, my God.

Wouldn't that be the perfect matching?

Oh, my God.

Right?

I see the look in your eyes.

Like, that that would have been the best.

Do you think Robert would go for a Tony Johns?

It's fresh meat.

I know the look in your eyes.

I saw it.

I know.

You just planted a seed.

Best idea ever, right?

Maybe we can get him to do a cameo in the scene.

Why not?

I'm very busy right now.

I've got a lot of things going on.

You know how hard he has to nail down, though.

He's so busy.

He's got his Coney Island karaoke thing, and he's doing Lucifer's Lair.

He's always busy.

What if?

Yeah.

What if?

Yeah, bro.

I feel like I'm sitting here as Walt Disney in the 1930s being like, what if we built a place

where people could just lose themselves?

Yes.

And have fun all day.

I mean, essentially, he's doing what Robert Paul Champagne does, too.

Yeah.

But Robert doesn't do OnlyFans.

I know.

Maybe he should.

What if Robert makes a cameo in the scene?

I think so.

Dude.

Oh, my God.

Can we get on this?

Can we reach out?

Maybe RPC will.

He's always advertised himself as an adult actor.

Of course.

This is insane.

This is insane.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that was a lot, man.

That was a lot.

I really do think that once Tony gets to Vegas, he's going to see that that's where he's meant to be.

Don't you feel like that's

Arbor, New York is not the right place to be.

He's got to get out of there.

It's too small of a community.

He's menacing the community.

He needs to go to Vegas where there's a lot of weird shit.

Where he's just like another guy.

He just fades into the background.

Yeah.

Because

this idea for the scene.

Yeah.

The Lexus being Officer Alexis and maybe Officer Cum Dump, which is RPC's alter ego.

I mean, this is

a whole new lane we're doing here.

I think they're going to sell a lot of those fucking scenes, man.

Of course.

But, man, his life has been insane.

I mean,

the irony with Tony Johns is that this whole I'm a ladies' man thing and this and that, like, he kind of does have the dong for porn.

Yeah.

I mean, God gave him

a talent.

Yeah.

Like, go with it, kid.

Do it.

Sometimes you're just given one thing.

Can't wait.

He is the Dirk Diggler.

Like, what's

fucking what when dan soder said dan soder was like he's like dirk digger i'm like i think he might be yeah you don't get it all in this life you don't get it all but when you get it boy you got one thing you got to use what you got yeah there he is dude yeah

tony

i mean he kind of tony diggler dirk diggler he is yeah

wild dude um okay

Just real quick before let's just, we kind of got to cleanse the past.

Are you blown away?

Are you blown away?

Yeah, this whole thing is just, it's unbelievable.

This story is one of the greatest storyline of all time.

It is the greatest.

I can't believe we're in Tony Johns' life now.

Yeah, it's amazing.

Here you go.

Okay.

Doing donuts.

Oh,

do you see it?

No.

Slow-mo.

Okay.

The guy drifting hits a cone.

Watch the cone.

The cone

just knocks that guy out.

That's bad.

Here's full speed.

That's bad luck.

That cone hits him

so hard.

So fast.

That's such bad luck.

I don't think that was funny, guys.

I'm just trying to watch some fucking guy do some shit.

Push-ups.

Woo!

So that one got

stupid.

That was stupid.

Dudes.

Dudes will do anything to impress.

That was fucking dumb.

Push-ups Push-ups over cinder blocks on a bottle with plastic plates.

Oh, plastic plates.

Or whatever.

You guys really put some cool music to it.

That was really cool.

That was terrible.

You got it.

Cougar liked it.

That guy's fucked.

Yeah, of course.

I don't like that.

That was

no thanks.

Fucked.

Dude, what?

some of the handlebars that, oh, I don't like that at all, dude.

You got it,

you don't.

Oh, man.

Okay, that was terrible.

Yeah, I'm just

you got excited about RPC and Tony Johnson.

Yeah, it's really good.

I saw the creative wheels turning when I said it.

Your eyes lit up in a way.

Oh, I mean, I'm just

thinking of the possibilities.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I know.

It's 15 years of work.

I know.

I think this is like

this is how you retire this show.

Right.

There's nothing else we could do.

Now, the only other thing I would say is Norm Summerton tick cups.

He's.

Oh, my God.

There's two.

There's two cool guys that got away.

Yeah.

King-ass ripper.

King-ass ripper, yeah.

Never wanted to do the show.

We reached out to him for years and years and years.

Yep.

And Norm Summerton.

Those are the only two cool guys that got away from the show.

I need to be fucked a lot.

At RPC.

Now, here's the thing.

Tony Johns said he would get his back blown out, meaning he would be on the receiving end.

RPC likes to be on the receiving end.

I wonder if we could get Tony

to make sweet love to RPC.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Check it out.

I mean, a cool.

Wild to wild to king.

I don't know, dude.

I don't know.

I don't think that Tony's his type.

That's the only problem.

Well, yeah.

Oh, get off.

Well, it's pay.

He's like, I'll do things for money.

I think the two of them would J their Ds

to each other.

Together.

Look at each other.

Because they love to do that on camera anyway.

Yeah.

Here's the deal, man.

Well, here's the deal.

We need to get through this Alexis shoot first.

I think we're getting a little too far ahead of ourselves.

Yeah, I know.

It's just exciting when inspiration strikes.

Okay.

God dang, dude this is the last thing we'll do okay i have not been able to finish this video because it makes me so uncomfortable okay so like i've turned you understand that like a few times i've been alone just with my phone yeah tried to watch this and turned it off okay so i'm making myself finish it with you guys today

this is a lady giving

um

a speech at her friend's wedding.

Okay.

Fuck.

And if you don't don't like it, I'm not gonna like it either.

Like if you can't watch it, there's no way I can watch it.

It's just so, it feels so it's like

your inner is it too emotional?

And it's just embarrassing.

I hate emotional shit.

Hi, I'm Shannon.

I've known Tracy for

oh god.

I think so.

Just to stop this for a second, if you're listening, the she's at a wedding of her friend Shannon.

Shannon, just for reference, is white, and she's marrying a black guy.

So they're showing their image just so you know the context of this.

And then the lady giving the speech is also white.

Yeah.

So don't quite know Anthony.

Well,

but Tracy talked about you like

nonsense.

Seriously.

And she's been like, I mean, don't you do that?

I'm like, I don't care.

No, just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

You guys were so cute together.

I swear to God, you guys are hope

the loneliness.

Seriously.

Like, tell death to his part, Anthony, seriously.

You better take care of my girl.

Because if you don't, I know where you live.

I hate when people do that.

They do that every wedding.

So far, you're just like, yeah, it's just a fucking basic bitch speech.

Yeah.

Wow.

Just kidding.

But yeah, you guys are so cute.

Like,

you're a part of the family.

I swear to God.

Like,

I'm not going to be racist, you guys.

I'm just saying, okay.

I'm going to be racist, okay?

No, just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Of course, you guys are going to get the like animation calves.

No, seriously.

You guys are outstepping the stereotype and I love it.

But you guys, I swear, I love black people.

You guys are the

boost black people.

She didn't have to say it.

She could have just saw it and like not said it.

I'm not going to say it.

You're black.

It's cool.

I know.

I'm just kidding.

It's you guys are like, I'm not going to be racist,

but

like it's fine

that you're.

Yeah.

Like I, every time this thing starts, I'd like, I'm like, God, I can't finish.

Oh, it's terrible.

Yeah.

She didn't have to talk.

Yeah.

You don't have to talk.

She's clearly nervous.

She's

like, God, I can't not address the fact that he's black.

Yeah, yeah, but you can.

It's 20.

Of course.

You can't fucking care.

This isn't 1960.

It's so weird.

It's so weird.

Where the fuck do these people live that it's a big deal?

I don't know.

Well, I love that you hear the commentary of the person in filming who's like, oh my God, what?

Like, she's pointing it out.

No, it's horrible.

Yeah.

It's horrible.

Remember that one wedding you and I went to where the dad gave kind of a backhanded speech?

Yeah.

He's like, we didn't think much of him when we met him.

Oh, my God.

And we were like, um,

that was so weird.

Yeah.

So this is.

And that guy was South Pacific, right?

Like, he was like Samoan or something.

Yeah.

And yeah, the guy was like, I met him and I was like, I don't the fuck.

This guy looks different.

Yeah.

Totally.

And we were like, what the fuck?

What are you doing, man?

I just don't think, I don't even know why people have to give speeches at weddings, honestly.

What the fuck do you need to say?

I hate giving speeches.

I hate giving speeches at things like this.

Maybe the father of the bride or the parents say something, but like your dumb, dumb friend has to get up drunk.

That's the worst.

And not only that, you know how

like they're not used to giving speeches, so they're very banal and boring and basic, bitchy.

Like, yeah, oh my God, when Stacey and I met in college, I was like, Stacey, you're such a whore.

We're never going to get married.

Like, they're always the same formula because they're just

equipped to do it.

It's not interesting.

I mean, and you can see that there's black people in the room.

So it's like, what are you doing?

I'm not going to be racist.

Like, well, thanks.

We didn't think you were.

Then don't come to me.

I'm supposed to.

She's like, I know this is a great opportunity to be racist, but I'm not going to for the sake of the setting.

I know, and if she didn't approve of the groom, then why are you don't go to the wedding?

Don't be a part of the wedding party or whatever.

It's insane.

It's a totally insane thing.

You guys are the best.

My own

daughter's blank aunt is like the best woman.

And

you guys are amazing.

To the black people.

You guys are amazing.

You guys.

Bless you.

Okay, so that is her speech.

She doesn't know black people.

Are the comments cool?

Because there's 9,000 of them.

I physically can't watch.

Yeah, see, I felt

embarrassment just watching.

I'm

hiding in the comments.

Yeah, this is how I felt.

I just got so goddamn uncomfortable.

Yeah.

The clapping to let her know you're finished.

Yeah.

The mic would have been gone.

Yeah.

Imagine having to live with the memory of doing

the whole thing is just.

Yeah, not everybody has to talk.

Yeah, the secondhand embarrassment is just.

It's pretty gnarly, dude.

It's gnarly.

It's gnarly.

But what's really gnarly is that this could have just been a memory without a video.

Also, is that?

I mean, I'm not an expert on this.

Is that a good wedding attempt?

No, I was just going to say that she's dressed like a whore for a wedding.

To me, can I tell you what this subconsciously tells me is that she doesn't, she doesn't want to be a part of it.

She doesn't like the guy.

That's the subconscious thing, right?

Because she's not, she's dressed kind of slutty.

It means also

every time she's talked about Shannon to somebody else, she'd be like, you know, this, she's with a black eye, right?

Yeah.

And she's like, you know how fucking crazy that is, right?

And then the other person goes, like, no, that's not a big deal.

I don't know.

And then she's like, I mean, no, I don't have a problem with it.

Yeah.

I don't have a problem.

I'm just saying.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just saying, like, do you know he's black?

And they're like, Yeah, I didn't know.

Well, her dress

is so short.

Like, she's gonna fucking marry her though.

Yeah, it's too low-cut and it's too short.

It's like she wants she looks like she's going out, yeah, like for a night out.

She wants the attention, yeah.

She's all over the map.

This chick's messed up.

Here's something I've been holding on to for a while.

I guess I'm just gonna let it out here at the wedding.

It is crazy that Anthony is black.

And no, I'm not gonna be racist.

I'm just saying, it is fucking, it's kind of crazy.

Okay.

Well, you guys are an awesome couple.

It's like, what the fuck?

But then it's, I like black people.

You guys are amazing.

I love your videos.

I love your songs.

I love

Dave Chappelle.

Anyway,

so Obama was cool.

Guys, have a great life together.

I'm sure I'll see you guys down the road.

I love the way you guys dance.

It's fucking amazing.

My great, my nephew's great aunt is black.

Is black.

She's nice.

You guys always have so much fucking flair.

Your style.

I'm like, look at her hair.

I wish I could do that with my hair.

Anyway.

It's making me uncomfortable already.

Yeah, it's the, it's so.

Yeah, it was like she couldn't hold on to her inner,

like her repressed inner thoughts had to come out.

Or, okay, or if you're going to do it, just make one funny joke and be done.

One comment, but not even like actually has to be genuinely funny, which is kind of hard to do in today's day and age.

Like we've all heard

the interracial couple jokes.

I'm trying to, you know what I mean?

What are you going to say?

Well, here's the thing: she'll have to live with this for the rest of her life.

Oh, yeah, she's fucked.

Yeah, this one.

Stacy's fucked.

All right.

I think that's,

I'm just so emotional still about the Tony Johns of it all.

I know you are, babe.

I don't know.

I'm here for you.

Oh, hey, buy my lipstick, guys.

Christinap.com.

You can get the perfect for all four of my new shades, Christinap.com.

Check it out.

Try it out.

Get them all.

They're fantastic.

I'm wearing the perfect red right now.

And let me tell you this.

Let me tell you this.

Can you kick?

Cat talk to you.

Nice.

We released some new dates.

So they are on sale.

Pre-sales today.

If you're watching the show, if you're listening, code word is Tommy.

The on sale is Friday the 4th.

We are hitting.

Greenville, Evans, Windsor, Dayton, Akron, Daytona Beach, West Palm Beach, Clearwater, Fort Myers, Allentown, Poughkeepsie,

Mashantucket, Newark, Brooklyn, Westbury, Hanover, Gary, West Lafayette, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Amarillo, Lubbock, El Paso, Tucson, Colorado Springs, Green Bay, Pasadena, Las Vegas, Long Beach,

Freant, Tacoma, Oakland, Huntsville, Birmingham, Columbia, and there is one or two more secret, huge ones coming up that we will announce soon.

All the tickets are at tomscura.com slash tour.

And I always try to tell people, do

not

go to third-party sites.

For any artist you want to see live, go to their website.

Do not pay the scalpers.

Just buy it for the reasonable price on the artist's site.

Okay, that's it.

Thank you guys for watching.

Thank you for listening.

I cannot wait to see how this unfolds.

And we will see you guys next week.

My jeans.

My jeans,

Fart Simpson and Grass Kingdom.

I'm gonna be having girls the whole weekend.

They're gonna be squirted, they're gonna be squirted.

These schedules are just button away,

button away,

but

fucking ass.

You a fucking ass.

You know what, baby?

You don't deserve this young bug.

You don't deserve this, baby.

I want you to show me a good motherfucking time.

Tony,

fuck this.

You know what I'm saying?

My eyeballs are bleeding with my teeth a white, baby.

Everybody.

I'm on my

body.

It is a beautiful day, baby.

Everybody.

I'm on

I'm I'm a girl

My dada D U I baby

D U I baby

My dada D U I baby My dad a D U I baby

D U I always

on to the next girl come on

Audios, baby.