The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800

I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

Not everybody could do this.

We're thankful for you for being a viewer, a supporter of the show.

It's been a long transformation.

Without you, our genes are low and loose.

And if she let me eat her booty, yeah, I'm gonna eat her booty.

This is Mom's House Live, bitch!

Why Makes Live is so exciting.

This is our first one in a while.

This is a big, big episode.

I love you.

Yeah.

I don't need more.

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What's everybody?

It's time for the 800th episode of

Your Mom's House.

Woo!

Woo!

Isn't that wild?

So many, Jeans.

That's so crazy.

We found 800 different ways to talk about brown

injuries, cool guys.

So amazing.

Mental illness.

800 episodes.

Sexual things.

Yeah.

It's pretty cool.

So today,

yeah, this marks the 800th time we've done this podcast.

It's amazing.

Which I can't even wrap my head around this.

It's just so many episodes.

It's a blur.

It's a blur.

It's been through really

a huge part of our life.

I mean, that's all of it.

We've been doing this roughly 15 years now.

So this was like we were

married, but we had just gotten married.

We were newlyweds, basically.

We were in an apartment.

apartment in Silver Lake.

This took us through.

We've had two kids.

I know.

Family deaths.

Yep.

We've had so many, we've moved homes, we've moved states.

We've had your Invisalign.

Invisalign, which one I would say of the last 15 years, the most traumatic thing that happened to either of us was Invisalign.

To anybody in his family.

Yeah, especially when they came off.

I really hated that.

It hurt so bad.

You had some other shit, but Invisalign is really what I think this sticks with us.

Yeah.

Yeah, so we're going to discuss some of those things.

And plus, you know, there's, you know, other, you know, I'm saying,

COVID, you know, 19 virus.

There's a bunch of things that we can talk about.

You know what I'm saying?

Real quick to let everybody know, in two days, it is March 7th, and that means YMH Live 10 is coming.

It is back.

YMH Live is back, 7.30 p.m.

Central Time.

It's our biggest one yet.

We're going to tell you some of the amazing details in a moment, but we have the great Dan Soder, one of the funniest comedians working today, is joining us live in studio.

Of Of course, there are brand new original sketches and things that we've shot.

We're giving away $10,000.

You can go to ymhstudios.com for more information there.

Grab your ticket, and we will announce the winner live on the show right before the heavy segment.

And don't miss the exclusive VIP post-show with the great cockroach, Josh Potter.

So that's all happening March 7th, right here, ymhstudios.com.

These sketches, by the way, that we're doing for this YMH live are, I think, the best we've ever done.

It's so good.

It's other level.

I mean, it's, we should just say it who's going to be appearing.

Yeah.

Dare we?

Yeah, I think it's worth saying that

we brought Tony John to town.

Woo!

So he came to town.

He came to Austin.

He did.

He did a sketch with us.

He did.

He came to town.

And we also have

the great Will Blunderfeld, and he's close friend.

Yep.

Life partner, life coach.

I'm shameless.

I'm fearless.

I'm doubtless.

That's what he says after he eats his comrade.

And yeah, I'm shameless.

I'm fearless.

I'm doubtless.

That is one of the times he says that.

A really juicy anus workshop.

Let's just say

we

had a workshop with him.

It's incredible.

And on top of that, on top of all that, we have the one and only

Charo.

Charo.

You don't like it?

Tata there, retard.

Charo did an amazing bit.

Oh, me.

So we have that.

We have another,

a crazy short film that we made.

It's not even a sketch.

It's a short film.

It's the biggest one we've ever done, and we're super excited.

So I hope you'll join us.

And of course, I always have to remind people, and I'm happy to do it.

A lot of people worry because it's called YMH Live.

They're like, what if I can't be there live?

You can still watch the show after the original live version.

If you get a ticket, you could watch it Saturday, Sunday, the next week.

It's viewable for you anytime.

It's just if you want to be there live as it happens, it's going to be 7.30 p.m.

Central on March 7th.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

You ready to start the show?

Amaze.

Of course.

All right, here you go.

Of course.

I just got my second foot job of all time.

So, let's talk about it in Reddit one through ten.

Unfortunately, I would have to give this a seven out of ten.

I did finish from it, surprisingly, and I did love it.

I don't know, it's just something about the grip on the bottom of the feet, like the calluses, and when they curve it and grip it, it feels so good to me.

I don't even look at the feet, I make eye contact the whole entire time.

Last time, I didn't like it because she was the older lady, but this time she was my age, so I think that made a difference for sure.

Yeah, yeah, that would that would make all the difference.

Don't bring anyone mother into this, your mom in the fucking sad.

Well, welcome.

Oh, get it, Tom.

Mom, Segura.

Welcome to your mom's house.

B, Z.

Money giving for jobs.

I I would do that just for cash that's easy

with my paws and

so easy

I did finish from it surprisingly

so it's pretty cool that he's

my favorite thing is a young person going like this is some things I'll put out.

Like, this is your digital footprint.

Forever.

No pun intended.

That, like, yeah, I got a couple foot jobs recently, and you just do an online review of them for people.

Yeah, because is the community so vast and various that they need a reviewer?

It's not like buying a car.

I don't think, yeah.

He's also, he looks like he's fucking 19.

No, this is, he's going to go in for an interview at some point where he'll be like, are you the foot job review guy?

Or even a lady.

Yeah.

He may be a dating person down the road.

why did you feel compelled to post this i don't know what it is i can't really explain it like the grip is weird the texture is weird it's definitely weird but it feels good it's like trying octopus or squid like it's definitely different but it tastes good i will say the clarity does I will say the clarity does hit a lot harder than normal because it's like, damn, did I really just do that to a pair of feet?

I didn't ask to do it this time.

I was never going to ask again.

She asked, and I thought she was joking, but she actually kept on asking.

So I was like, fuck fuck it, let's do it.

Fuck it.

Oh, well, that's cool.

It is, I'll also, I'll say this.

His analogy was fantastic.

Yes, it is like trying to get a quid or octopus.

You're like, this is not the normal thing I do.

Well, he was saying, too, that the older broad has calluses, which definitely that adds up.

It's just inevitable over time.

Yeah.

You know, but how does she get the grip with the feet?

Practice.

You just got to practice.

That's what I'm wondering: is how do you get a firm grip with the

metals of your feed?

Yeah.

Wow.

I'll show you.

So anyway, it's cool that I have a feeling, and this is just my assumption here.

Yeah.

This is not the only review this man has left.

It'd be kind of maybe worth exploring what other reviews he puts.

There's no way he's just like living life and decided this is a one-off.

No, no, no.

This person probably has a bunch of cool reviews.

It's really risky to put it out there at 19.

It's pretty young.

He's young.

Yeah, he's not at the end of his life where he's made his money.

Yeah.

The young doing,

you know, not realizing what they're doing.

So, this is one lane where he's obviously talking about busting nuts.

Here's another way that you could be young and kind of ruin things.

What did you say about my second man?

It just happened before.

You know what?

1444 means.

The number.

14 minutes.

Hill Hitler.

Oh.

Oh.

Do you have a

house?

1444, yeah.

I'm reporting him exactly.

Yeah, you guys, dumbass bitches don't know shit.

Oh, shit.

Don't listen to him.

No, no, no, no, no.

Fat girl, fat girl.

Yeah, what?

Look, bitch.

Come on, go.

Say something about Mexicans.

Say something about them.

Oh, Mexicans.

No, exactly.

When you get in a rattle,

say something.

You want to be a motherfucker.

That's why you came.

Do you want to know something about Mexicans?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Tell you something.

You goddamn beaners

should be sliced at the throat at the border.

We should slice you

goddamn beaners at the throat.

You want to know why?

Come here.

Bring the camera in.

No, I'm listening.

I'm listening.

I'm listening.

Bring the camera in.

Yeah, I'm listening.

Why you goddamn beaners should be sliced at their throat?

What?

Listen.

Yeah.

Because you guys are goddamn border hopper niggers.

Wow.

What?

Mike tell us a dick.

What's your name again?

Wow.

What's your name again?

He shouldn't be drinking.

He's only 21 years old and he.

See, that sets you up for life.

Yeah.

This exists forever.

Yeah, it's a good one.

It's a good one to put out there.

That's a good one.

Because, you know, in the 90s, maybe every now and then you'd meet a rando like that.

Yeah.

And you're like, that guy's just fucked up.

And then you talk about it for years.

Yeah.

Yeah, you'd be like, remember the guy?

Remember that guy?

And then you'd be like, this guy.

This is the guy.

Here, let me pass this around.

No, and his life is over.

His employment possibilities, his whole career trajectory.

It's so fucking good.

Fucking Bryce.

Border Hopper niggas.

Bryce just destroyed his future.

And he probably had a good one because he's wearing a nice polo button.

That might be a work.

That looks like it's an actual, it's not like a choice from his closet.

He might have been working this event.

You know, and tied one on.

Yeah.

Hell Atler.

Like when his boss is probably like, woo, wait a minute.

What are you doing?

What bitch?

Wow.

And not only that, I was.

He had a lot of notes.

Yes.

And what's really interesting is that he pulled out Beaner, which is old school.

It's old school, yeah.

So somebody older than him is training him.

Yeah.

That's what I'm thinking.

The kids for today, they don't remember.

They don't know Beener.

No.

Goddamn Beaners.

He is, he comes from a cool line of people.

Right.

Yeah.

His mom and dad are saying this crap.

Yeah, it's not just him, man.

They're pretty cool.

Who 1444?

Yeah.

Wasn't this so stupid?

He had it all.

He hit, he got Hitler.

Wow.

He said, fat, you fat bitches.

What's up, bitch?

He said to kill people at that.

Slice their throats.

I thought he was going to be like, you know why you just slice your throats to the border?

This is Mexican food's delicious.

Yeah.

Like, I thought he was going to turn it to the food.

Which is true.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, he's hearing this speech from dad, I think.

Oh, or uncle.

Yeah.

Somebody our age is training him.

Taking our job.

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The taking our jobs speech.

It's the stupidest thing ever.

The oldest, dumbest, most fucking ignorant speech of all.

It really is.

They're not.

Coming here taking the jobs we want.

The gardening jobs.

What jobs?

Do you want to pick strawberries?

Like, do you realize that

these people are willing to work 18 hours a day and not complain for all this shit that you it's unbelievable but no anyway but the problem is this guy never knew any beaners.

You know what I mean?

He didn't grow up around Mexicans the way that I did, you did in Latin culture.

He does not, no respect

for them.

No, he has no respect, no, no knowledge.

He doesn't know any Mexicans.

That's true.

The country club he grew up in, he never met him.

He didn't.

He's going to get to know some now.

He's going to have a whole new life experience now.

You know, one good thing about

the goddamn border hopper niggers.

Is that you?

Is that you?

I was going to say that the one bright spot about MAGA and Donald Trump returning to office is that now these cool clips are resurfacing of a lot of Hitler clips, a lot of, you know, get them out of the country.

They're taking our job clips.

Those are really surfacing up now.

It's making people poke their chest out again.

Good.

Getting comfortable.

Well, get comfortable with it.

You're going to have a whole cool bunch of things happen in your life.

It's fun that you're young enough that you get to experience a full life now.

A full life.

Yeah.

So anyway, we were, there's so many cool things to review and talk about.

One of the things we were going to do is talk about some of the best moments of the last 100 episodes.

One of the first things that comes to mind is episode 704.

This is when Ryan and Ennie challenged each other to basketball.

That was awesome.

Do you remember?

Is that, I remember how I couldn't believe how competitive any was.

Like, you really dug deep.

First of all, you were like one of the only black guys I ever knew that was like, I'm not good at basketball.

I didn't play.

It wasn't my obsession, like, growing up.

Like, you just...

I didn't.

Yeah, well, that's my other half talking.

Oh, right.

I got two sides to this shit.

Right.

But then you were like, I cannot let.

my black half down exactly and I'm going to go all in.

Exactly.

Like, you know, the white me was talking for a minute, and then he said, any amount, any amount of money.

And Blackstout was like, you're going to take that nigga?

You going to do that?

Yeah.

You all let him just clown you like that?

I'm like, no, fuck that.

All right.

But you committed.

You committed.

Hell yeah, I did.

I fucking, I went to go, what's it called?

To that coach.

Yeah.

Mr.

Jasper, motherfucker trained me.

A former pro, right?

Wasn't he a pro?

He was a...

Like international player or something?

Yeah, he was.

Fuck, was he?

Is it Denmark or some shit?

But yeah, he was like 3v3 pro or something.

Yeah.

And yeah, he was great um but I mean I told him as soon as I met him I'm like look man I got no fundamentals I got no nothing just show me like one thing that I could do and I'll just do that be honest

be honest when I ask you

how did you describe your opponent to him

I told him to watch I told him to look you're like here's a white guy he's kind of he's old ass white guy yeah I was like well because he he watched like yo he was invested man he got super invested into the into the show so he found the show he saw the whole thing and then he told me stuff where he's like god I forget what he said but he was like yeah the way that he talked about backing you up and then like lobbing it or some shit he's like people don't say that like he said he wasn't he played in college he did not play in college he's lying so I think I think you might have a chance here well I think what

I think what Ryan was saying then was that he he didn't claim to play on a like a college team is that he played basketball in college in other words not for the school but it was just like part of his you mean like you mean like he played in the gym like yeah yeah like pickup games.

Yeah, that's a weird way to say that, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think when you say I played in college, that usually kind of means right, right.

If somebody goes, I played in college, they're saying, right.

It's like, I got you.

Got you, got you.

And that's why I understood.

I'm like, yo, any amount of money, I get it.

Like, especially after I really did start to learn the game, I'm like, shit, all right.

Like, real talk, though, if he was some.

Did you play any more after that?

No, not once.

That was it.

Not once.

Yeah.

That was your mission.

Yeah, man, I don't like basketball.

It's a good.

Wow.

It is still.

It was such a fun day.

It was such a fun day.

You don't swim there.

Right in the studio to try it clearly.

I don't swim either.

Go ahead.

Get in there.

You don't go in the ocean.

Hell no.

I don't swim either, but guess what?

I'll beat you in some last two, nigga.

Oh,

sure.

Let's get it.

Ryan,

you are the Ryan that everyone's talking about.

So

do you want to comment on anything that's been being said here?

I'm sitting there in my office listening to everything he's saying.

Can we hear him?

You got to push the button, big man.

I'm sitting in my office listening to everything he's saying.

He's just lying left and right.

Yes.

He's good at that.

By the way,

one of the things we'll get to is that, and he's a huge liar.

Go ahead, Ryan.

Can be.

He can be.

Can be.

Jeez.

He also lied saying that he wasn't training.

He wasn't doing anything.

I never said that.

I never said I wasn't training.

I never said it.

But I did.

What did you say?

I didn't say anything.

I didn't say anything.

No one said anything about training or not training.

You just said.

I didn't say what you were doing.

You said nothing.

No, you did not.

Why did you ask me that?

Was it on the show?

No.

You can't be trusted.

So anything I'm saying wasn't.

Was it on the show?

No, it wasn't on the show.

Exactly.

I work with you all day, unfortunately.

So I talk to you a lot.

You never asked me.

I'm forced to.

You never asked me.

Okay, forget about that.

Okay.

You saying that I played in college?

I would have never said I played in college.

Oh, I'm pretty sure we have that on tape, too.

Find it.

I'll give you $1,000 of my own money if you're.

Oh, my God.

Right now.

I'll give you.

Well, I don't have a way to lose it.

You need $1,000.

You can't look it up right now.

But you also have to go find it.

You have $1,000 to go find it.

I think you did say that, though.

No, I did not.

But wait a minute.

Here's the thing, though.

Because we can get into the semantics of this.

Are you saying that he was like, I I played basketball when I was in college, or

I played college ball?

I definitely didn't say I played college ball because that'd be a straight lie and anyone can look it up.

But I also didn't say that I played in college.

Okay.

I played in high school.

You know what I will?

I do remember him saying he played in high school.

Maybe

it's very different.

Yes.

Maybe what happened was that maybe Tom said that you did.

And so I was like, that's where I heard it.

Don't blame it on Tom.

Okay.

Either way, I definitely heard that because he,

the coach was saying,

blame me again now that I'm actually back in shape.

My knees aren't blown up.

That's what I was going to ask.

Nigga, please.

It's easy.

Nigga, please.

Wait, wait.

What does that mean?

Translate that for us.

What does that mean?

It means no.

No.

How?

But can I get paid, nigga?

No.

No, you chose not to give me paid.

You chose not to.

Chose what?

What happened with the hair?

You could have had long locks of hair.

What do you mean?

You got scared.

What 10 G's said, nigga?

You said any amount of money.

What happened?

No, you just wanted hair transition.

No, no, I wanted

after you guys.

I wanted 10 G's, and y'all were like, that's an irresponsible amount of money.

It's irresponsible for you to say any amount of money.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's crazy, nigga.

10 Gs.

10 G's, baby.

10 G's.

Even in my head's about to be.

If you win a rematch.

Hell no, ain't no rematch.

10 G's.

You wouldn't do it for $10,000?

I already won $10,000.

I'm out of here.

We ain't doing another one so I could also not get paid for that.

So was the bet for

hair implants or $10,000?

It was for hair implants.

It was for $10,000.

It was for $10,000, and then y'all said that it was irresponsible, and then we had to change the amount.

Wait a minute.

it was for hair.

The thing you were playing for was hair.

But see, what I'm saying is we went to that because

then you chickened out because you didn't want, you heard that there was a little blood, little micro needles, and you're like, oh, that's scared.

They got scared.

I remember what I was saying.

You don't remember saying that you wanted this hair gaslighting all set up?

What I'm saying is, well, how this started was...

He's like, name any amount of money.

Nadab was sitting in this chair, and you texted him that, and I said, nigga, 10 Gs.

And then you were agreeing and it was like, okay, well, you, or you were saying, Tom, that, like, well, look, that's an irresponsible amount of money.

Maybe we should do something else.

So you forced, y'all forced me to come up with something else.

So I was like, I don't know.

The only thing I could think of is hair, I guess.

We got to review the tape.

Okay.

I don't remember the conversation going that way.

I remember asking, what do you want, any?

And he goes, I'd like to have hair.

I don't remember.

And I remember setting up all the hair stuff.

Yeah, we were going to send you to Turkey.

I don't remember that.

Listen, I'm not saying I didn't at a point agree to that.

I'm just saying that that's not what I originally bet.

Well, why don't you hear it?

But wait, you're saying bet

you're what you guys bet each other that amount?

He said any amount of money.

I think

the dollars.

And he's like, well, that should be no problem.

I could use a nice, what'd you say, like a nice fucking pool with some shit.

I don't know if you're a bad person.

I think the reason that

that was shot down was that

even though you won, yes, you did.

The idea that a boss,

he's your employer, could take $10,000 if you had lost did feel like it's like an abuse to do.

So, two things.

Number one, don't say any amount of money that's making a bet.

If you're going to say that, you better own up to it.

Number two, I chose the money.

I'm the one that chose the money.

You're not wrong, but we didn't shake hands on $10,000.

That's my point.

Sure.

We started, yes, we started as going like, all right, any amount of money.

And then, to Tom's point, we settled on something that would be entertaining not only for us, but something that you wanted, and also something that felt like more of a bet.

You did say, seemed thrilled at the hair idea.

I thought, again, I thought that that might have been a cool thing because, again, you were forced me to come up with something else.

And I'm like, look, I like money.

I want money.

I don't fucking want anything else, but fine.

If I had to think of something.

Okay.

It's like, all right, fuck it.

I guess the hair.

Okay.

But then, yeah, once it was in my face, it's like, nigga, fuck it.

I do think you should.

I think you should rematch.

I ain't want no man.

I'll put $10,000 in cash on the table.

Okay.

I'll put it on the table.

I'm joking.

You killed me last night.

You destroyed me.

Why wouldn't you want to play again?

Because I don't like basketball.

I already beat you, bro.

What about swimming?

Hold on.

What about swimming?

Right before Ryan came in, you said.

That's so crazy, too.

You already, man, you already gave you the L.

Like,

how many L's do you want in your last name, though?

Two L's.

I'm three.

Hallelujah.

You want to be hype, Ryan?

Hallela La Law.

That's what you want to be.

I'm 40 pounds.

Like, how many L's do you want, nigga?

My knees are back in shape.

I'm now much stronger than you.

So come on, let's go.

Oh,

what about laps?

Swimming laps.

Annie, you said it right before you came in that you would swim laps.

You would learn to swim and swim laps against drive.

I'm excited to kick off my UK and Ireland tour this weekend.

I'll be in Dublin this Saturday, March 15 at 3 Arena.

Belfast for two shows at Waterfront Hall on March 16.

First show is sold out.

We added a second show.

Manchester at AO Arena, March 19.

London at Ovo Arena, Wembley, March 20.

Glasgow at Ovo Hydro, March 21st.

Nottingham at MotorPoint Arena, March 22nd.

Cardiff at Utilita Arena, March 23rd.

Go get your tickets at tomsegura.com slash tour.

I'll see you there.

Mike.

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View important disclosures at acorns.com/slash whamh.

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Okay.

Ryan, do you swim?

I swim as a kid.

I'm pretty good.

Okay.

Oh, that's what you said about basketball.

Yeah, let's do it.

Do you want to swim?

Will you swim laps for 10 G's?

And neither of you has to give it up.

I'll give it up.

However,

I would if I don't have to pay for the coach's time.

I pay thousands of dollars for that shit.

I'll pay for the swimming coach, too.

Wow.

I'll pay for the swimming coach.

I'll pay for a swimming coach, and I'll put the 10 grand up and I'll give it to whomever wins.

And I won't have a swimming coach.

You won't?

No, I don't need one.

Okay.

This is fucking this is amazing.

I won't either.

I only did because I figured you would.

But you don't know how to swim anymore.

Because you figured I would know.

Wait, do you not know how to swim?

He's black.

Not like that.

I don't know how to swim.

Ain't about not knowing.

It's maybe about

a swim instructor to learn first and then not a coach.

Like, we'll both cease the coach.

Figure that shit out.

Let him figure it out.

Let him figure it out.

Let him figure it out yet.

Every water activity I've invited any to, he does not come.

Surprise, nigga.

He does that.

Yeah.

I wonder why.

But we planned a boat trip together.

He's like, I'll help you pay for it.

And then he just didn't come.

Remember when I took everyone out on the boat?

I remember he came up.

And he didn't show up.

He's like, oh, I overslept.

What are you talking about?

I went on the boat.

No, the day.

No, you didn't.

Not for my birthday.

Not for the birthday, but

no, but for the boat you rented, I went to the lake with y'all.

Did he?

Yes.

You're just not that good.

See, this nigga ain't got a bad man.

Okay, okay.

All right.

Yes, $1,000 coming out your boat.

We will continue this.

Let's move to the next thing here.

Because this is

nothing

gives me more joy besides watching that take place

than

upsetting and horrifying someone.

Stavros came on.

Yes.

This was an episode

7-Eleven.

And

we showed him Norm's famous poutine.

And it was

one of my favorite things that I've ever seen.

This was

so great.

Yeah.

Cheese.

No.

Change.

No.

Change this.

No, I don't want to do that.

It stresses me out, too.

Fries,

cheese.

No.

Pig shit.

And pig piss.

Ooh, gonna be a treat.

No!

You ready?

He's got a little cage.

He paces through the cage.

Yeah.

Which it's in his urethra, so I don't know how he's

no, dude.

No, mix it up.

Make sure all the funny things are covered.

You gotta have all the ingredients.

I take back what I said about his recipe.

I don't want to.

No!

Oh, no!

No!

Oh, no!

Oh, fuck!

No!

Look, dude, that's disgusting.

That fucking sucks so much.

Oh my gosh.

Why did it come out so fast?

Why did it come out so fast?

So gross!

Jesus Christ!

I literally...

I don't even gag easy, dude.

That shit is fucked up.

No,

I don't want to watch me eat it.

Don't eat it, Norm, please.

I beg you, Norm, don't eat your own shit.

Look at this gooey turret.

Oh my god.

So bad.

I'm gonna fucking why the fuck did it come out so fast?

Okay, why it was that was just oh god, it's stressing me out to re-watch that.

I know it's also getting me primed for YMH Live.

I just realized we're gonna get more treats like this.

Did you get the zing of excitement?

Yes, yeah, I know because every time that heavy segment starts, I'm like, ooh, these clips get me so jazzed.

I might be sick here in a second.

That's why I think you and I are cheating jeans.

May I take this moment to just promote my lipsticks?

This is a perfect time.

Perfect time.

Go ahead, guys.

Buy your lipsticks.

Or would like it.

ChristinaP.com.

Today I'm wearing Madison, which is just like a light mauve sensation.

And then I have Atomic Red, The Perfect Red, and Berlin.

ChristinaP.com.

Buy all four at the same time for your lady or for your gentleman.

Gentleman.

That wears lipstick.

By the way, I'm working on a new piece of art.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

It's really good.

Look at that.

Stop buying her art.

No,

it's taken on a life of its own.

People are now sending us art based on my art, like famous art.

Yeah, that's right.

It's great.

It's really a movement.

The choke.

Anyway, that was an amazing time with Stavros.

It was incredible.

Soon after that, by the way, it finally happened.

It was something that we were all anticipating.

We didn't know if it would ever happen, and that's when Garth Brooks blocked me finally

on Instagram.

You, by the way, the great fans, the listeners, and viewers of this program are the ones who got Garth to eventually go private on his accounts.

He restricted all comments at some point because you literally took over all of his social media.

Destroyed it.

Destroyed it.

Everywhere that it exists.

Destroyed it.

You destroyed it.

It was incredible that it happened, but it started with him blocking certain people, restricting comments.

I got a few times where I had comments in there and they would get liked and commented on.

And then it just, it all went to shit.

He just refused to allow anybody in.

He eventually, it happened on Instagram.

Then you guys went over, took over his Facebook, his Twitter.

He basically realized there was nowhere safe.

And so that was really exciting.

He's breaking down the walls between us.

He's breaking down the walls between you and me.

And then he thought better of it.

In episode 725, something

which also is appropriate for this week, which is that we had Dan Soder on.

Dan Soder is not just an incredible comedian and he's super talented in many regards.

He also does what many people think is the best impression of Dave Chappelle.

Yes.

He can actually, he really sounds like him.

And he just, he sounds like him and he also has the

like, not just the cadence down, but he'll speak the way, like things he would say.

It's pretty fucking impressive.

That's really cool.

What's the, I haven't heard you do it, but you do a good Chappelle.

Oh, yeah.

We, we prank phone called Chappelle on Legion of Skanks.

We called him?

No, we, we pranked phone calls.

Sorry, we prank phone called a news, a Fox News producer that thought Lewis, Jay Gomez, had given her Dave Chappelle's number, but she had given her Dave Smith's number.

It's on YouTube in this part of the episode, but I was just at home playing video games, and they were like, hey, can you call this lady as Dave Chappelle?

And she fucking bit, dude.

She bit hard.

And it was like,

I was trying to just keep talking about how important Lewis was to comedy.

And I would just add different things in where I'd be like, I've heard he's got a very dangerous foot fish.

I wouldn't show you toes if I was around him.

And she was like, oh my God, I think I was wearing open-toed sandals.

I thought she was talking to Chappelle.

That's great, man.

That's amazing.

Were you always doing him?

I mean, I'm a massive Chappelle fan.

Sure.

In 2012 at the cellar, I got blackout drunk and hung out with him.

And I was like telling him old bits he hadn't done on any specials and i think it freaked him out and and i've stayed away from him ever since ever since because i felt that moment where i was like i think i think this is a lot too much i was like do you remember you used to the what white people eat bit was so much longer and he was like man you know my bits better than i do but he did have i had the coolest moment possibly ever in stand-up speaking of cigarettes at the cellar that night he got off stage and he coming he came and hung out at the table and he was sitting next to me holding a cigarette and i was like i always want to know what kind of cigarettes i've been like i've been going to see you since i was 16 yeah i just want to know what kind of cigarettes you smoke and he was like oh i smoke american spirits and he handed me one yeah i was like this is we're at the table at the olive tree yeah inside and i go oh you want to go smoke a cigarette and he goes smoke right here and i go well

I can't because I need this place for rent.

But you're Dave Chappelle.

You can smoke here if you want to.

And he goes, you can if Dave Chappelle lights your cigarette.

And I looked at Esti, and Esti went, like that.

And I took, and I swear to God, by the third drag,

every waiter and bartender was staring at me like, fucking soda gets to smoke inside.

And I was like, this is fucking unbelievable.

And I took a couple hits and I put it in the

ashtray.

And Esti was like, dang.

I did, when I did,

was it the after?

Yeah, the after party of the Brady Roast, we went up to the lounge inside, and we're in,

what's it called?

What's the venue there?

The forum where you at?

The forum.

We're in the forum.

So we're at the forum club, I guess.

And it's just, it's the party.

And I see Dave, and

he's like, hey, man, you know, let me get a cigarette.

And I give it to him, and I was like,

same kind of thing.

I was like, we can smoke it here.

He was like.

So I was like, yeah, cool.

So I light one up with him.

yeah and then the bartender's like you can't smoke here and i was like okay

and i just turned to dave i was like they said we can't smoke here and he was like

so i i was like i'll put this out when you put it out and he's like i'll put it out when it's done i was like okay cool i was like great yeah smoked i like chuffed on that thing because i kind of felt bad because i was like please and then i just waited until he was done smoking well because there is a level of celebrity like you're going to tell Dave Chappelle.

It's the top tier level.

You're going to tell Dave.

It's like, you're going to tell Tom Cruise to put the single walk in.

Well, they kind of do.

That's the thing is the guy didn't tell Dave.

He told me.

Yeah.

He's like, you can't smoke here.

And I was like, but that's why he's like, fuck, I don't give a shit.

I'll tell you.

He's right there.

It's wow.

And also watching that Dan Soder clip makes you realize like when you meet your idol, when you meet your hero, there is nothing cool.

to say like you cannot talk about how much you love them because it's not going to work It's never going to work.

You have to talk about anything else except the shit that they've done as like an artist or whatever.

You can't.

You just can't.

You can't dork out on them.

Yeah.

But the cool thing is, though, that he actually has a great, he still has a great memory of it.

Of course.

You could have, I met my hero and it's a fucking disaster.

Oh, wait, that wasn't that.

That's why I don't want to meet Robert Smith from The Cure.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Robert Smith.

But if you wanted to dress like Robert Smith.

Oh, stop.

I can't believe you would even want to see something like that.

Roberts.

I mean,

he doesn't look good.

He does.

He's still beautiful.

This is how women are different, though.

I love Robert.

Is that you guys

can still find someone attractive?

Even if it's not looking that great.

Yeah, because you know why?

We have souls, and we're not superficial shitheads.

I know.

You guys are the worst.

Men are the worst.

Yeah, we are like, I don't give a fuck about her soul.

You guys are the worst.

What's up with that tit sitch?

Yeah, let me leave this family and go bang a 20-year-old yoga instructor.

See, he's so hot.

He's cute.

I love him.

Forever.

Forever.

Okay.

I love Robert Smith.

That's what you want.

Yep.

Dude, he's so cool, too.

I get that he's cool.

Yeah, he is cool.

He's rad.

But I mean, I think he's a solid citizen, too.

Is he wearing the perfect red?

Of course he is.

It was based on Robert Smith's red.

The perfect red.

I should send him some.

Do you like his voice?

Love his voice.

Of course.

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

No, he's Robert Smith.

He's like the father of all this.

I love him.

I love him.

Yeah, he's definitely wearing a lot of lipstick there.

Yeah.

Eyeliner.

He's adorable.

Course.

You want to see me an eyeliner?

Do I?

For fuck's sake.

I would love to.

Black eyeliner.

Let's move on.

The next episode that I think is notable:

our former producer, Nadav, passed away.

That was super sad.

Yeah.

He was,

I think, eating a dreidel, and then he

just

fell down.

But

rest in peace, Nadav.

We hope you're okay up in heaven.

It's just really sad

that he's dead.

I know.

I miss him.

I miss him too.

Look at those tits I used to have.

Those are my OG tits.

Yeah.

God, they were big.

Yeah.

Today, I was at my house and I was like, why do I feel sad?

This is weird.

And I was really sad to lose Nadav.

You've been in our lives like, yeah, since 2016, since the birth of our first child, but you were like our first retired child.

We do have a lot of great memories of you, and we've actually put together a little

video.

Oh, is this either going to make me cry or mad?

What's going to happen?

It's nice.

I think we should all watch this together.

Oh my gosh.

My name is Nadav Itzkowitz.

I am a producer here at Wymage Studios.

Get ready to have a good fun show in Hames.

Arba Shalosh.

I'm fucked You don't think he's okay?

You think he went to work the next day?

I think he's totally fine.

You can't get too much cum in those balls.

You get too much cum in your bladder.

Wow.

What amount of money will you pay to permanently hurt me?

I don't want to permanently hurt you.

I want to do that.

You just want to hurt me bad.

One.

You ever fall in love to dog?

Yes.

What were the attributes that person had that made you fall in love?

I think it was talking shit to me.

You surround yourself with such people.

What is your favorite movie?

So the story is about Nick Cook.

He got a nice haircut.

Oh yeah.

I threatened to show you somebody getting very severely hurt.

Yeah, I don't like those, dude.

Me neither.

It's the hardest I've ever heard an adult laugh.

That's the hardest I've ever heard an adult laugh.

I am a fucking jewel.

Lord knows I'm not a fan of this J shit.

What's your new name going to be?

Patty O'Callaghan.

Let's get Nadog baptized?

The fun bit.

You need some up dog.

What's up, dog?

Hi, Mosh.

What's up with you, dog?

You're fucking dead.

You want to kill him?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Just an outside dog who keeps shooting inside.

You deserve it all.

The kicks, the screams, the blood.

Look, and he's having such a good time.

Look how happy you made him.

The dog too bad.

Why does he have a job?

Hurry, you have to find that shit.

You fucking Jew.

Oh.

Oh.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, he is.

So many great moments with Nadav.

So many good ones.

My favorite part, I have two favorite memories about Nadav.

Number one, that his favorite movie, like the movie he watches over and over, is Drumline.

Yeah, sorry, Nick Cannon, yeah.

Yeah, and I watched it just to see what all the big stink is.

Yeah.

It's not very good.

It's not a good movie.

It's not a good movie.

And I love Nick Cannon.

I like the idea.

It's stupid.

Number two, remember when we were

in

the Resita, it was during...

COVID and it was hard to come by getting the vaccine and you had to be a certain weight to be considered morbidly obese to get the vaccine early.

And he was like, I'm working on my vaccine weight.

I'm going to become morbidly obese to get the vaccine.

Remember that?

I'm in a gain phase right now.

That made me laugh so much.

And he would be like, how you doing?

How's your weight?

He's like, I'm almost there.

God bless him.

Rest in peace.

Rest in peace, Nadav.

God bless him.

There's a, oh, another one that was fantastic.

And I ended up meeting her was, remember the coffee girl?

Of course.

Yeah, so the sweetest.

Oh my God, that was also in the last hundred where she came in here because we had read comments where people were that's where hate from came hate from Australia, hate from all these places in the world.

That was just like unbelievable that we got.

And then I actually, she came to Austin, she came in studio.

I went to the gym with her.

She was really, really sweet.

And she's in Toronto.

She has her coffee business, but that was

the sweetest.

Yeah, was it Caitlin?

Caitlin.

She's so sweet.

And her coffee's fantastic.

And she just made like sincere videos.

Like, this is how I started my day.

People were like, I hate you.

Waking up.

Yeah.

She's so sweet.

So innocent.

It was really crazy, man.

There she is.

Sweetest.

She's coffee for a living.

Let's get this day started on the right note and head to the gym.

I'm about getting up bright and early like this when it's still dark.

The world is still asleep.

That's sweet.

It's quiet.

It really feels like a life hack.

Like you're getting extra hours in your day.

So I love waking up early and getting some work in.

I'm going to do some boxing and some bench press.

I am super weak, so we got to build some strength here.

Following the gym, it is coffee time, baby.

We're going to start by making a hot latte for Papa Street Brew, even though I have converted him to iced espresso's, but we're going to make an iced espresso for me, do a little outfit change, an outfit check for a video that we're going to post.

And then it's time to sit in the office, do a couple calls and do some work, bonus points, find some clients you can talk sneakers with on your calls, because, I mean, that's the best way to do things.

things, right?

After spending most of the morning in Zoom calls and doing some admin work, it's time to start filming some content and making some more coffee.

So, we're gonna do some drip coffee, some pour overs, some espresso stuff as well.

I think we get other little things.

So, it was that this is like that vlog cadence that also people wanted to die with.

Yeah,

please delete your account.

He would say such mean shit to her, but she ended up being, of course, like the sweetest.

The nicest, probably one of the sweetest guests we've ever had.

Hate from Australia.

Then we had

so funny.

She was delightful.

We had a run of

some incredible guests that came in, and Jesse Lee Peterson came in.

Oh, my God.

Then Gene Simmons, and then Will Blunderfeldt, one of the coolest guys.

So many gets this year.

Oh, my God.

It was just like...

Just like the gays.

Just like the gays.

How much fun was Gene Simmons, too?

I mean, he really came.

If you love your penis, your self-esteem builds up.

I mean, that's also true.

Will changed my life.

Like, getting to meet him in person and feel his aura and to feel his love and presence.

I just think he's such a special human being he is a special human being

um

then

shortly thereafter that icp came on now that's one of the

building blocks the foundations of this show that's right if you don't know is you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying and we have all always done you know what i'm saying uh

you know what i'm saying super customers you know what i'm saying you know what i mean

and these guys came in or not these guys.

Sorry.

This time, wasn't it just the, was it the both?

This time?

It was the bike.

That's right.

Because the first time it was just one.

Yeah.

Well, they came in and we got to do

after their pants, their appearance, excuse me, the maybe

the supercut of super cuts.

Oh, my God.

Which was a, you know what I'm saying?

Yep.

Supercut from these guys that was just...

Unbelievable.

They dropped so many, you know what I'm saying, that we had to

spend hours going through this and putting together.

By the way, this supercut of, you know what I'm saying,

doesn't even have all the, you know what I'm saying?

They had to like whittle it down just to get the proper, you know what I'm saying, supercut going.

So we have that for you.

Oh, my God.

You know what I'm saying?

It's because of his hair.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

And

you know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

They're incredible.

You know what I'm saying?

This is what I'm saying.

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

Gay.

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

That's what I'm saying.

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

As a stripper, or anything.

You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

But

that's what you're saying.

Unbelievable.

Wow.

That was, yeah, that was really.

You know what I'm saying?

Super cuts of, you know what I'm saying?

That's the best one.

I don't think you can make another one after that.

No, that episode was explosive.

We also got that supercut, but don't forget, that's where we learned that going airtight is gay.

It is,

according to some.

Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, airtight really was a thing that we really wanted to dig deep in.

We've had conversations with people who had had threesomes, and we thought, what more could could you want and it turns out one more is what you want sometimes and so

some women opt for every hole to be plugged

and

and through that conversation it led to us meeting airtight Abby and Abby

called into the show and she

gave explicit details about her exploits and she was a very adventurous person.

Was Abby the one where she went and she had sex with all the black guys?

That's the one.

On the team?

Yeah.

That is the one.

That was wild.

Then she told another story that kind of made us all sad.

But yeah,

I think she met a guy at the club and she took him back to the

or went back to his place.

And then eventually people started walking out of the apartment.

And they're like, can I get in on this?

She was, sure.

But Airtide Abbey was, yeah, it was a good idea.

What a find.

It was such a cool story.

Because you and I couldn't believe that people did it in real life.

Yeah.

Because it sounded so good.

It sounds like such, you know, adult film-like.

Yeah.

Like, just fantasy, you know, not real.

Who gets to do that?

I was like, no, I did it.

I did it.

This generation, boy, they get it all.

They get it all.

Airtight Abby.

Airtight.

Really, really sweet girl.

I had the opportunity to meet her.

You did.

You don't remember that?

No.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't.

You didn't go airtight on her?

No, I didn't.

I didn't.

No.

There was an option to meet her somewhere.

I did it.

You were like, no, thanks.

No, I believe you said no thanks.

I was like, don't you meet airtight out.

That's how that went.

How dare you?

Yeah.

Just a jealous lady.

No, she's, I'm sure she's, I'm sure she's a sweetheart, by the way.

But the best moment with these two, the ICP guys are the best.

Yeah, I was like, you guys don't go airtight with each other?

And he's like, what?

Hell, no, that's gay.

Such a good moment.

There's so many

crazy.

things that happen obviously over the these these years.

But another thing is that, you know, we had our suspicions, but we had learned that our

very own technical director, Enie, is a really high-level sociopath.

Because

Fartgate 2024 was such a revelation.

I've never seen, like, the episodes of the first 48 that I've seen all made more sense

when Ennie was pressed with a crime because he was so believable.

It was just insane.

And it turned out he was just a huge fucking liar he's a lot and he's a good liar good one because i was siding with him for the for years i've been on any side not anymore bro

fool me once i did nothing i know that whole time i was like

you know how fucking crazy ai is these days i was like man what does chad have against him like it was just crazy to me yeah and what it what chad had against him is that and he's a fucking liar

and chad was right yeah chad was just being an honest good boy and the whole staff was like yeah and then and he was like man these motherfuckers are all lying yeah this is yeah do you realize like we got we have him on tape farting yeah and then he has the audacity yeah to deny it to his bosses and then to millions of people who watch this program yeah that is other level it was sociopathy it was huge which is exactly why you're employee of the month and he also he did this crazy reveal along here where like remember the video played and i thought we were going to

exonerate him?

Yes.

And it was just like, ha ha, I got you guys.

Well, this guy is neat.

He's out of his fucking mind.

And here's the...

Who made that shit, man?

Yeah.

It's ridiculous.

Okay, we don't believe you.

Didn't he deny it even after he showed that video?

Didn't he bring it up to the next video?

He's an Army Party, Tom.

Denying it.

I'm still denying it.

Denying it to your face right now.

Yeah.

I wouldn't do that, bro.

Bros, look at AI, bro.

We don't know what the fuck is real anymore.

I didn't do shit.

It's not that good, and I don't know who hired that shit, but it's ridiculous, man.

But I saw it with my own eyes.

I'm done with it.

I don't see in AI.

Is this when we first saw this video?

Is that what this is?

Oh, no, this is the video that you're talking about.

The surveillance, the surveillance or the his reveal.

This is his reveal.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, let's see.

It's, I forgot some of it, actually.

Yeah, blocked it out.

Dramatic.

What the fuck?

Is that you?

Or me, any part of that?

I think Ennie just farted into the mic.

Oh my gosh, this is crazy.

This isn't crazy, though.

Well, and he's still rolling.

Oh, Jesus.

Jesus Christ, bro.

Giving a new meaning to gas walls.

What was being said?

Hey, you're talking over the video, man.

Is that real?

Is what real?

What happened there, Ennie?

What do you mean?

Bro, it's all narrated.

This is what Chad does.

He's a fucking

documentary.

He's a fucking documentary film professor.

In what way did I narrate this?

You put the text on the thing.

It's black video.

You played it.

I'm transcribing the actual audio.

Yeah, but what you're doing is setting it up so that it makes sense to your story, but it's a not true story.

And you're just fucking putting it out.

So was that fart, did that fart happen in that moment or no?

I mean, see, the thing about these is like, I don't remember.

I don't even know what recording that was.

Yes, he does.

Here's the thing.

He went in and deleted this audio, but what he doesn't know is that I back up the audio onto a separate hard drive that he didn't have access to.

Yeah, so you just happen to have the footage that both you edited and this backup.

Zolo, you don't remember this day?

I think I need to stay a neutral party in this matter until all the evidence been presented.

Okay, but you did hear yourself in there.

Yeah, I was there.

Yeah, but your honor...

I feel like because we didn't see the conversation that any has a good point, like anybody can go...

You can just play a fart.

He played a fucking game.

Yeah, and then he could have had them be actors, see him standing up and create a moment.

And Cougar would say, holy any fart for no reason.

Let's think maybe he wrote the script and then they recorded it over

the black screen.

But that wasn't Cougar.

So this, yeah, this, if you watch this and you don't immediately have more respect for what law enforcement goes through,

like

they have to deal with this shit

all the time.

Yeah.

Like he

lies.

Like professional.

No, no, I know.

That's part of being a good criminal is lying.

And post-script to this whole thing, now any apparently just farts with reckless abandon

all the time.

Yeah.

Do you even take

credit for the farts now?

What farts, bro?

Oh my god.

Put me on tape, fam.

Get me on tape, please.

We had it on tape.

Get me on live.

You put yourself on tape doing it.

No, I didn't.

That was AI, bro.

You know how good AI is these days.

This is crazy.

It's compulsive.

Yeah.

He cannot help himself with the lies.

You can't help yourself, can you, you sicko?

Fart gate was a

fart gate, and then the lying about what the bet was on the last thing we talked about.

Like, oh, I said it was 10 or any amount of money.

Oh, then this is him right here, just going,

yeah.

Like, where is that?

That ain't my house.

That ain't what my house looks like.

See you next week.

Bye, mommy.

Did you fart?

No.

Who farted?

Did you hear a fart?

Wow.

Jesus.

Yep.

Because you always talk about how disrespectful it is, like all the time.

You're like, it's so disrespectful to fart.

He loves that line.

Yeah.

He's like, the level of disrespect.

What's this accent?

Hey, yo.

Hey, yo.

Hey.

Hey, yo.

he's like hey man hey man we disrespect brother like that shit ain't nice this is crazy this remind that right there that

what we just saw yeah if that doesn't remind you of presumed innocent the incredible debut of edward norton as an actor with richard gere where he's accused of killing that priest and then you and he's like

he's all fucking you know yeah

the whole movie and then at the end he's like i convinced them all didn't i and you're like oh my fucking god

it was exactly like that.

Give him his Oscar, give him his Oscar, or just sentence him, sentence him to 25 years in prison, yeah, because that's a fucking career criminal, right there.

What is he doing in his off time?

Don't you think if he's lying this much to his employers?

He's probably doing foot job review videos.

I don't know, it's just

crazy, crazy, yep, typical, typical,

typical.

What?

Typical any

lies,

usual suspects, you know.

Oh, there it is.

Oh,

shit.

Hey, I stood up for you.

You saw it on tape.

Man, you were part of the bit.

No, I wasn't.

You were part of the bit.

Oh, eventually, yeah.

He told, he admitted.

Sorry, I forgot to tell you that part.

Yeah, hold up now, bro.

Because I was like, any, they're totally, because we were off, this is off camera.

I was like, any, they're totally,

they're totally gang up on you.

Is this true?

Like, I was so doe-eyed, and I came up to him, and he was like, yeah, fired it.

And I was like, what?

And I was shattered, right?

Do you remember that day?

I was fucking shattered.

I'm kind of shattered now that you were smiling.

I was shattered.

I was heartbroken.

And then I was like, let's keep fucking with Tom now.

I forgot.

Sorry.

I plugged it out.

You just remembered right now.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah.

Just like that time when you left town and I put a hole in the wall to get the hamster out of the walls behind you at dinner.

It's two sneaky things I did this year, too.

And then there's

Chris Larson's video came in.

Ice cold Pepsi.

Cheers.

He's the only Pepsi guy here.

Yeah.

Crazy.

Nobody likes Pepsi except for Chris.

It's so funny.

Fuck water.

I don't care if he kills me.

You should.

Doctor said, drink water.

Yeah, drink water, dummy.

He loves Pepsi.

Guess he quit smoking.

Fuck that.

I do what I want.

She kills me, kills me.

You got free will.

You can't do that.

Those are big gulfs, too.

I need Pepsi, even though I get diabetes.

Give a fuck.

Doctor said, drink water.

Fuck that.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I would see people like him in radiation.

They don't hold up very well after treatment for these things.

You don't want to start your life that way.

It's crazy.

You know, we've been sharing those haircut videos.

Oh my gosh, you and I have been passing each other these videos, these awful haircut videos.

You know, Andy Milanakis, right?

Yes, of course.

So he's been around forever.

He still looks 13 or whatever.

He's done a lot of funny shit, but I saw this.

Oh, haircutting place.

He's in Italy.

This is it.

Hello, how are you doing?

Do you guys have any appointments open for tonight?

Yeah?

that.

Okay, thank you so much.

How many prefer the cuts?

Well, I just got a haircut like a couple days ago, but they didn't cut enough.

I want to keep it shaggy, but maybe a little less fluffy.

Maybe like three or four inches in the back.

Check.

It's still really shaggy on the front, but it's not really long on the back.

What is your job?

My job is to be a clown.

A clown?

I'm a hired clown.

So wait, so he's in Italy, clearly, like walks into a place, tells him what he wants.

Hold on.

Oh my god.

He's like, you're a beautiful woman.

He gave her the fucking middle-aged administration lady at a public high school.

Terrible cot.

And he thought it was a lady.

That's how he likes it.

He goes, I like when he sees it.

He goes,

this is interesting.

Sucks so bad.

Oh, my God.

That's all you can do.

Good.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Nice lady.

Merila.

This fantastic

piece.

Oh, shit.

That's the worst haircut.

That's the worst.

It's like the helmet.

Yeah.

It's terrible.

It's the sad lady, shut it down.

Fucking hair.

The shut it down menopause cut.

This is why I stick with the same hairdresser.

Alan Martinez, shout out for the last fucking 20-some years.

You know, one time when I was in England, I couldn't see Alan and I went in to get a haircut and I was like, just like a Bob, like I've always had a Bob.

Just give me like a shorter Bob, okay?

Yeah.

This fucking cunt rag cut my hair like, meow, like the

like so like a mushroom meow, like this fucking short.

The thing, you don't realize it till you see

how much hair informs.

It's everything.

Like this looks like a sad lady, right?

Like that's what he looks like now.

He didn't know know that was a boy.

He's really crazy.

He didn't know that was like a gentleman.

No, he didn't.

He had no idea.

He gave him the prettiest old lady.

Melissima, you are sexy to steal.

Don't let anybody tell you you are not.

But also, very rare that they straighten out curly hair unless you say, I want straight hair.

He's naturally wavy.

Yeah.

They should have cut the hair wavy.

That's crazy.

Okay.

That's so upsetting.

You remember a few weeks ago we were all, the whole world was really taken by this, right?

Hitler, hell and the the Nazis.

I really don't think that he was because I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy based upon my own research.

My own research.

It's always your own research.

I didn't fucking listen to it.

So he's

we were all like, this is the last we're going to see of Bryce Mitchell.

It's not.

Thank God.

He is out there and

he

keep going, Bryce.

The best thing is that this begins with what you believe is addressing this video, right?

And everybody is just totally talking shit about me because of how stupid I am.

Let me explain myself a little bit better because this is what I meant by what I said.

And I think nobody's going to disagree once I explain it.

I stated that you can prove the Earth don't rotate because you can take a helicopter, hover it at 20,000 feet for 24 hours and come back down in the same spot.

Now, everybody said, oh, a helicopter has inertia.

I know what inertia is, dude.

I'm not stupid.

Let me tell you what I I mean.

Here is

a picture of the circle of the Earth, supposedly, if you believe in a globe.

And the red circle is the helicopter.

When the helicopter ascends above the Earth's surface, it now has a larger flight path around the Earth.

As in when the Earth, the inside circle, the black circle, does one full rotation,

the red circle, or the flight of the helicopter, actually has to cover more distance to get back to the same spot.

What?

A helicopter can't fly around the earth.

I don't understand what this fucking hillbilly is saying.

That's what I meant, okay?

If you don't understand geometry of spheres and circles, that's going to go right over your head.

But what I said

is perfect sense.

And I'm actually a lot smarter than a lot of y'all think.

Some of y'all can't even keep up with me.

That's the sad part.

This is basic geometry.

Some of y'all might not be able to understand what I'm saying.

Yeah.

I'm one of them.

But God bless you.

And keep doing your own research because there is no proof that the earth rotates.

That's a lie from the devil.

And keep thinking what you want and calling me stupid, but I know geometry.

I know inertia.

An object in motion stays in motion.

If I put my foot up your ass, it's going to keep going up your ass until I stop it.

How about that, buddy?

Yeah.

It's cool that his little kid gets to hear this stuff, too.

Well, he's going to be

going to to get that first-hand education.

You know, you got to do your own research, Tom.

It's always good when somebody leads with that.

Your own research.

Have you done your own research?

Like, just internet stuff?

Like, weird articles?

Nothing about life on earth makes me think that it's round or rotating.

Why are they so against the earth being round?

What is that?

Because they told us that.

Something they told us.

They were scientists and

just trying to get us to fucking believe stupid shit.

Is it anti-Christian or something?

The Earth being being round?

He said the devil at one point.

Oh, so Satan's in charge of the roundness of things of the earth.

Is that what it is?

Maybe.

That's so weird.

I don't know why they don't.

He's so content, though.

That's the thing about being dumb.

Yeah.

That is like it's really, I think, satisfying.

Is that enviable?

You believe your own dumb thoughts, and then you're so pleased with yourself.

You know, you know, I thought about that for my whole life.

Yeah.

If I could just be a little dumber, how much happier I'd be.

You or maybe,

yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

It's, he's, um,

he's not the brightest guy, but yeah.

Oh, and it says

the earth is a circle.

Isaiah 40, verse 22, whatever.

Made with a compass.

Yeah.

Laid upon a face which is bounded.

As it ends, it does not move and is covered by a dome.

Oh, so this is like the biblical conception of

cosmology, whatever.

It's silly, though.

This is.

That's my own research.

I hate everything.

Do your your own research, bro.

Do your own research.

Draw your own diagrams, fucking dummy.

Do your own research.

That's kind of like the

that's usually like the first thing that people who are really dumb

with.

They do their own research.

I do my own research.

Like, what are you talking about?

Anyway, I can't.

I can't, Tom.

Can we switch topics here for a moment?

I want to know what I've ever noticed.

That kind of makes you think of

Stevie.

I think it is Stevie.

yeah yeah no he sounds like where i get my name snake from

i ain't afraid of him

never have been except whenever i was a kid yeah

yeah yeah this is people gets mad they get over it you know they

realize stuff later on down the road do your own research yeah yeah

yeah he also had this this is another one What's your issue with seatbelts?

Seatbelts, I think it's just like a like you get to choose if you want to wear a seatbelt.

The government doesn't, you know, they don't wipe my ass for me and they don't, they shouldn't be able to tell me if I want to wear a seatbelt.

I personally don't like them because I think what if you got to jump out of the car and roll, you know, duck and roll.

Okay.

Nobody ever thinks about that.

Nobody.

So I don't personally wear a seatbelt, but I grew up.

My mom never wore one.

I just don't believe in them.

And it's not up to the government to decide if I should wear a seatbelt or not.

So that's just my view on it, and that's why I don't wear them.

But maybe, you know, I strap my baby in, you know, I strap Tucker in.

Why?

But I just don't like wearing them.

I like the maneuverability.

Maneuverability.

It's crazy, too, when someone this dumb is this good at fighting because he can kick 99% of people's asses on earth.

Yeah.

So it's like you could argue with like the dumbest fucking guy you've ever met and then he could just kill you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that's because God only gives you one or two talents, Tops.

You can't be all things.

You got to choose one or two lanes and just stay in your lane.

Yeah.

You shouldn't be a podcaster if you're the stupid.

You really can't.

I'm glad that he's putting this out there.

I feel like this is going to be a real well of information.

If he continues,

I think he's going to.

If he gets sponsored.

The engagement is going to be, it has to be crazy for him.

Sure.

Of course, it's not that positive, but yeah.

But you do see, though, that a lot of people are on board with him.

There are people who are like, fuck you.

People trying to tell you the earth rotates.

Fucking bullshit.

The man telling me to wear a seat belt.

Yeah.

Well, good for him.

What if you got to stop, drop, and roll?

Oh, my God.

Stop, drop, and roll.

What if the car rolls?

Is he driving like the Jeep with no doors?

Is that what he's thinking about?

I don't know.

You got to tuck and roll.

Oh, I wanted to get to this so we don't run out of time on it because it is a timely topic and I wanted to go there because the mom world is ablaze with the new Ilaria Hillary Baldwin

Alec Baldwin show on TLC.

Now, I haven't watched a full episode, but I thought we could go through some of the footage.

I mean, look how handsome he was when they started together.

Dating, yeah, a while ago, yeah.

Yeah,

seven children, seven six animals.

What?

Three parents.

How many nannies?

Don't be in that pool.

Gross.

What's the matter?

Happy face.

A son lost his mom in the most unthinkable tragedy.

This is never something to forget.

Oh, and I'm trying to parent through it.

Honestly, from the bottom of my soul,

I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you and these kids.

It's okay to ignore him.

We've had bad moments, but we found our foundation.

She says you should look like this

We're solid and we're here together

together

Together

pero together

He looks like hot dog shit.

Yeah, I mean he doesn't look the same.

He's also how old is Alec Baldwin?

He's got to be in his 60s, right?

Is he in his 60s now?

At least, but he was can I tell you about the great tragedy?

He's 66.

He's 66 years old.

I know, but the great tragedy is how hot he was.

I mean, I had

such a crush on him as a teenage girl.

He's a movie star.

The marrying man, I think, look him up in the movie The Marrying Man.

Alec Baldwin, 1989.

Oh my.

God.

Yeah.

Kim Basinger, Basinger, the two of them were together.

That's right.

God damn, couldn't there be a more attractive couple?

Yeah, he's a very good-looking guy.

Stunning.

He was

he played Jack Ryan in that, you know, those

guys.

Tim with the scarf.

This is so cute.

No, the whole, all the Baldwins are hot.

Good-looking guys, man.

And then I think having seven kids on top of this accident thing must have just aged him in dog years.

And he's really good, by the way.

Not just a good looking guy.

He's a really good actor.

Yeah.

He's done.

Oh, of course, Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice.

My favorite.

And he's got a great voice, that gravel voice.

Oh, yeah.

It's like he speaks and like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He narrates on that Wes Anderson, the ten and bombs.

Look at that chest.

Hairy chest.

Oof.

That's a man right there.

Yeah, dog.

I'm looking at that.

And the right underneath it says Alec Baldwin mistaken as a hobo.

You know what that is?

That's life.

That's how life

actually goes.

There's a certain link that says, hottie, Alec, and this one says, mistaken as a hobo.

Mistaken as a hobo.

Yeah, he's got it rough.

There he is with Kim Basinger in the 80s.

Wow.

Yeah, but beautiful.

Beautiful couple.

You know, you can't judge the guy for his looks at 66.

I can.

All right.

I can.

I mean, I know, but he's 66.

I just think it's bad life decisions.

I think that that having seven children would age anybody.

Of course it would.

It's not cool.

It's too many kids.

I don't know why you keep having that many kids.

It's too many.

I know.

It's insane.

And by the way, how many nannies do they have?

Give me a fucking break that it's just the two of them.

The 66-year-old dad and her.

What can the tiny 66-year-old dad contribute?

You can't do shit.

It's basically grandpa.

Of course.

It's too much.

Yeah.

He can't even play.

So my friend, my mom friend.

We're all going to nap.

That's what's going to happen in that.

Oh, my God.

Alex's dreadful reality show is a noob low for TV.

Fucking A, man.

But that, you know.

But they don't like the good stuff we do.

Like, my husband is not gay.

They probably low reviewed that show, too.

I'm SSA.

I'm SSA.

They don't know what they're talking about.

Don't listen to these motherfuckers.

So anyway, my mom friends were texting me.

Would you like to hear their review?

Yeah.

Let me show you what my friend fucking.

What are the moms saying out there?

In the mom world.

Okay, because we

keep up on the Elaria.

I watched watched it yesterday.

It's on Max.

You have to watch.

There are babies crawling up on tables, kids running around screaming.

It's a madhouse.

It's a madhouse.

It's got to be.

And then my other mom friend was saying there's this part of the episode where he's complaining to Ilaria

that she's the one in charge of getting the kids going.

She's in control of the kids.

And he's like, I used to have a say in how the kids were.

I don't have a say anymore.

And she's like, well, yeah, I'm the mom.

Yeah.

And I fucking agree.

It's like,

go work go make the money go do this let me deal with the kids yeah because dads are not wired for that i agree what what meds does juju need to take it yeah right whatever you say what size are juju's pants 16.

you don't know i know and that's just most dads no it's just our generation especially alec baldwin's generation he don't know about the kids yeah let him go to work yeah

And let the fake Latin lady run the house.

Women are better at that stuff.

I I agree.

I agree.

Guys, this is not for men.

Not for you.

You run,

that's the company.

You run that company.

That's right.

We're more traditional.

I think the traditional way is fine.

Unless you have some fucking beta cuck husband.

He doesn't want all that say.

Nobody gets that.

Nobody fucked.

Men don't want to do it.

No.

He doesn't want to raise the kids.

People had asked, by the way, they wanted to know the update for the woman hitting my car.

Oh, my God.

I wanted to tell you,

without getting into too much detail, it's being taken care of okay stupid bitch and i by that i don't mean that i'm letting it go i'm not letting it go and that's how it's being taken care of okay

so um what is this um so we all we did make some

we i don't know if you want to say it or not but we made a little bit of progress in your investigation of brigitte macron yes and

Do you want to say that we reached out?

You say it.

Well, we reached out

to Brigitte.

No.

Just kidding.

To Candace Owens.

Who you said is like the leader in this.

Of course.

This is Candace Owens' big moment right now.

She is exposed, Brigitte Macron.

And as you know, Candace is pregnant right now, so I think flying in might not be doable for her.

But we're arranging...

a Zoom interview so she can fill us in on this Brigitte Macron thing.

And I'm telling you, the Macrones are panicking.

They're sending her, you know, hundred-letter

threats and all this.

It is real.

And none of them being like, hey, Brigitte is a woman.

Stop saying that.

That's not true.

They're not even trying to call her out on that.

It's very exciting stuff.

Please do not use gendered language.

I miss all that.

So we'll find out what the real story is here.

Yeah, it's huge.

Yeah.

What's your pronoun?

What's your pronoun?

Yeah.

What's the pronoun?

Queering out the women.

They were queering out the dudes.

That's what happened.

So hopefully we'll get the full story soon.

I can't wait.

But just let us say this now as we wrap up: that

it has been the most fun, I think, of our careers that we've gotten to do this show.

I never want to stop doing YMH.

This is episode 800, and I hope we're doing 800 more of these.

It's been a lot of fun.

And thank you, you guys, for making this possible.

Thank you so much.

This started as a silly dream in our little house in Silver Lake with a neighbor that made smelly food through the walls.

And we've moved it to every house we've been to, and you guys have come with us, and we really appreciate that.

It's been amazing.

It's quite a ride.

It's been amazing.

We look forward to doing it more.

And hopefully, we'll see many of you on March 7th.

YMHStudios.com.

YMH Live is back, and we'll see you soon.

Bye, Jeans.

This is big time.

Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Your mama and the funk is stare.

Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Sidora

and Christina Princess K.

Welcome to your mom's house.