YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799

I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

Not everybody could do this.

We're thankful for you for being a viewer, a supporter of the show.

It's been a long transformation.

Without you, our genes are low and loose.

And if she let me eat her booty, yeah, I'ma eat her booty.

Mom's house live, bitch.

Why Makes Live is so exciting.

This is our first one in a while.

This is a big, big episode.

I love you.

Yeah.

I don't need more.

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Mehao!

What's What's everybody?

Welcome to another episode of your mom's house.

What's everybody?

You got me saying it now.

Everybody likes it, man.

It's really taken up.

People were shouting it to me at the shows I was doing.

They're like, what's up, everybody?

By the way, we just had your Austin Arena show sold out.

Yeah, that was awesome.

We're all still glowing from that amazing show.

It was a fun night.

It was spectacular, Tommy Salami.

Everybody I spoke to had the best time.

You were so relaxed up there.

You were so happy.

I mean, your jokes were just amazing.

If you guys haven't seen Tommy's New Hour, get your life.

Go see him.

Cause it's, I think this is your best one yet.

I have had a lot of fun doing it.

The shows have been just like, it's just so much fun.

And

to do it in Austin, you know, you just, you didn't know.

It's my adopted, our adopted hometown now.

This is where we live.

So to be able to, you know, sleep in your bed at night and then go down, do the big arena in town and have it be just jam-packed.

And had so many friends and family there.

I mean, you were there, Charo was there.

Yeah.

My sister was there.

My cousins were there.

I had a ton of people there.

People, the whole staff came to the show.

It was really fun.

Yeah.

And we had a little after-party.

It was a really good time.

I didn't go to that.

I ditched.

Yeah, but you hung out.

You were hanging out, though.

But I loved seeing you.

I haven't watched you do this hour.

I know.

And just so people know, if they haven't seen it, I'm just going to say there's some shit talking about me.

I mean, just this.

And you,

um, the best part about me watching your set is that people like to watch my reaction when you talk about me, which is why I hide backstage and I sit in the video village because I don't want people seeing my face.

Because I, I've, I mean, you guys have to see what he says.

It's pretty, pretty gnarly.

Um,

no, I know, but it's pretty gnarly.

You're referencing because on the last tour, when you came to London

and I talked about you, you said that all the lads were like, oi,

hey, hey, he's talking back here, isn't it?

Everything you'd say, I was sitting behind a bunch of lads and they'd turn around and go, oh,

and I'm like, no, dude.

Y'all the bad he's talking about.

Yeah.

But this time.

Oi, Governor.

This time you sat in Video Village.

I hit.

But you still had.

people.

Well, Kirk was sitting next to me, Kirk Fox, your opener, Brian Simpson.

And Kirk was like, have you heard this yet?

And I was like, no, I've been, you know, hiding in the house for the last few months.

And uh, and he just was like, I could tell he wasn't sure if I was going to be a wife about things or if I was going to be a comic about things.

Yeah, but you're a comic.

I'm always a comic first about things like that.

Um, but yeah, it's it's pretty crazy what you're talking about this hour.

And it's also very um sweet to hear stories about our kids.

And yeah,

um, it's a well-rounded set, very well-rounded hour.

I like try to have a balance between you know, family, Hitler, yes, um,

Sex.

A lot of Hitler talk.

Society.

But when is Hitler not fun to talk about?

I mean, the guy just keeps delivering.

He's been gone for a long time, but he keeps staying in the fucking zeitgeist.

He's just there.

Well, because

they keep colorizing the footage.

All of a sudden, you're like, I've only seen this guy in black and white.

Yeah.

I want to see it.

Are you in color now?

Oh, shit.

I'll watch this whole documentary series.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then they rope us back into Hitler still.

They're like, guess what we did?

We modified the audio.

You can hear his, I gotta hear the guy's real voice.

This is incredible.

Like, oh, Hitler had a pet.

What kind of pets did he have?

Now I gotta know about his dog.

He's got, hey, guess what?

We exposed him to roller film.

I'd love to see all the photos.

But he's never not interesting.

Like, why aren't we this interested in Stalin?

And you know, why not Saddam Hussein?

Why not any other?

I watched some Saddam stuff this weekend.

Well, is he as interesting and intriguing as Hitler?

Saddam,

he's a real, he's a real interesting guy.

And he was a bit of an idea.

He is Hitler.

He had a peasant's upbringing.

Oh, okay.

And he came to power in 79.

I just watched stuff about him.

He had this great, great first week in office.

It's one of the most epic fucking gangster things I've ever seen.

He called a general assembly.

So everybody in the in government had to come to this assembly.

It was essentially in like a picture of a big theater.

Okay.

It's July in Iraq.

It's fucking

110 degrees, maybe warmer.

Yeah.

And there's no air conditioning.

And they're all in this thing.

They're all in suits.

And they're like, yeah,

yay, Saddam.

And he knew that some people were already trying to overthrow him.

Uh-oh.

So he stands up there.

He lights a cigar.

He takes a few puffs and he's like, I'm going to read some names from this piece of paper.

If I read your name, I want you to stand up and recite the party slogan

and then exit to the back of the theater.

And so he just smokes his cigar,

reads people's names, they stand up, they say the slogan, and then one guy's like, he's like, what did I do?

Why did you read my name?

He doesn't answer him.

He's just like, just recite the party slogan and then just head to the back of the theater.

And then everybody who he read, they were all walked out and executed.

And then he was like, that's how we're going to do things around here.

Wow.

And

yeah, pretty soon he was,

you know, he figured out how to kind of skim some money off the top of their

oil sales.

And he was living a pretty plush life.

The real thing that's interesting, too, is he had two sons.

And one of them, I think the firstborn, Uday.

Yeah, they're cute.

One of them's cute.

Was a real fucking

psycho.

But I remember being attracted.

I remember being sexually attracted to Uday.

To Uday?

I'm pretty sure.

We bring up Uday Hussein.

I thought he was cute at one point.

Well, maybe it's the other son because there's two boys.

What's the other guy's name?

There's Uday

and what was the other

his sibling?

Oh, Kuse.

That guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's see.

I mean, I had a crush on one of them at one time.

This one's more your story.

Hey, look, he's kind of handsome there on the phone, right?

It's not bad.

It's not bad.

It's not bad.

It's cute.

Okay.

Sweet.

So see, I like that story you told.

I'd like to see that reenacted in it.

Uday's a real ding-dong, though.

So, what he was in charge of, they put him in charge of the Olympic committee.

So all sports in Iraq.

But guess how he got the best out of his athletes?

He tortured them.

He tortured them and like threatened their families.

He would have them murdered.

He was really, really psychotic.

And to the point where Saddam one time,

so Saddam had a party and Uday at the party shot three people with a shotgun and killed them.

And so his dad was like, I'm fucking done with this shit.

You're being a real knucklehead.

You guys are grounded.

So Saddam burned Uday's cars as a punishment.

Uday had like a bunch of fleets.

Why don't we get to see more of these kind of stories?

That's what I'm saying.

These are good stories.

Hitler didn't even do this.

Hitler's fucking tired as a topic.

Yeah.

We're got it already.

Except for what I talk about.

Yeah, they need to bring these cool stories because I never recalled Hitler torturing Olympic athletes or torching his son's car.

He didn't have to do it.

No, he had a couple other things he did.

I don't know how much you know.

I don't know.

He was

some other people.

Why just Hitley?

I know.

So many other people commit genocide when we only hear about that guy.

I know.

There's really a lot out there.

This guy keeps getting all the top press, and there's some other people that deserve press.

Do you think it's because he was so stylish, too?

Like, he had a really kind of like pronounced aesthetic.

The uniforms were very dramatic.

Yeah.

He had like marketing.

He had a good marketing team.

Well, the other thing is that

there was clear,

when you look at like the story of Germany coming to power and what they were trying to do,

there's not a lot of of times where you have a unified

front against one like his his mission was take over like we're gonna take we're just gonna invade everyone take over europe

so everybody got to go

you're you're you're evil you're you're just like invading people left and right no you know

it was clear to have like this is the enemy a lot of times when there's other dictators in power power it doesn't register to everyone else well you know what it sounds like to me is that these other guys don't have a clear objective and he or as big a plans yeah like any bigger plans reach for the stars he did and and he and by the way he was you know he was hitting home runs yeah because he was like we're gonna take poland they take poland we're going into france they take

so he was you know it was spreading yeah it's that german stuff man the germans know how to get done efficiency uh planning, strategy.

They know how to do it.

I believe they just elected a new leader who's, I think, far-right leader.

So maybe.

Cool.

Maybe some, you know.

We seem to be the world is going that way right now.

Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.

See if he's like, you know, I have been inspired by some of our past leaders.

I'll be at the Ford Center in Evansville, Indiana tomorrow on February 27th.

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I think the Germans are a little sore about that topic.

They're kind of like,

like, they don't want to talk about it.

I know.

It's so annoying.

It's like all you want to talk about when you go to Germany.

And nobody wants to talk about it.

I know.

You're like, you're German, so what were Nazis?

Yeah.

Is your dad a Nazi?

Was your grandpa in the party?

Like, like my grandmother, who was, um, my father was born in Germany during World War II.

And my, yeah, let's oh, Friedrich Meltz.

That's the new

Bundestag.

His party is Christian Democratic Union of Germany.

That's that's a little too

democratic.

The Christian Democratic Union of Germany.

But anyway, my grandma lived in that region at that time.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

During the WW2 and the commies.

And I endlessly would ask her about World War II.

I'd be like, did you know what was going on?

Like what they were doing to the Jews?

And she was like, of course, everybody knew.

We just ignored it.

Yeah.

I was like, cool.

She didn't tell you that.

She's had a Hungarian accent.

Everybody knew.

We just ignored it.

What should we do?

Fight the Nazis?

I'm like, I mean, I guess not.

She's like, you could smell it.

You could smell the bodies burning in the neighborhood.

I'm like,

pass the lemonade.

And I think that's a great.

Have you guys bought my lipstick yet?

Oh, yeah, that's a good transition.

Go ahead.

Go ahead and plug your lipstick now.

We're done with our

sweet Nana wore the perfect red, and I had it designed after her and her love of all things.

And her ignoring the execution of millions of people.

Yeah, there you go.

Also, Berlin, named after

headquarters.

Yeah, headquarters.

Yeah.

You can still see Hitler's bunker if you go to Berlin, East Berlin.

And if you wear Berlin in Berlin,

double whammy.

Atomic red.

That's for a different war.

Yeah.

And Madison, Wisconsin?

I don't know.

It's kind of liberal.

I had to make it liberal.

Anyway, bye now.

Christinap.com.

Get all four.

Why not at the same time?

Impress your lady.

Impress your lady.

Impress your lady.

Or if you're a handsome fellow, you want to wear lipstick?

Go ahead.

There you go.

Hitler wore lipstick.

Let's play the opening clip before we get to our big news.

You ready?

I'm ready.

Here we go.

Birthday shout out, nigga, what?

Hey, yo, Ilya.

Word on the street is it's your 16th birthday today, pussy lips.

And speaking of pussy lips, what's up with your mama's fat-ass purple pussy lips?

Nigga, what?

Oh,

don't bring in one motherfucker.

That was really nice.

No, mama in the fucking stand.

Jesus.

Welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura.

Mom Sagura.

Christina Plazitski.

Welcome to your mom's house.

That's not nice.

That's not nice.

Nigga, what?

Oh my gosh.

Nigga, my nausea.

Wow, you really on on this creative thread now, eh?

Pretty good stuff.

Can you get this guy to do my next birthday shout-out too?

Yeah.

Can we get his information?

I would love.

Absolutely.

Yeah, please.

Let's start sending some

kind of video requests his way.

He clearly is cool with saying anything, so that would be fun to see where we could take it.

But Tim, your birthday is next.

Yeah, it is.

So I think we should get one for Tim.

Okay.

Well, you're going to be 42?

Nothing.

Such a baby age.

How old will you be?

28.

How old will you be sincere?

Droopy.

I'm going to be a fucking 49, okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Isn't that exciting?

Yeah, I just looked at my means one more year and you hit wow, wow, wow.

I can't believe it.

No.

It's so, but I talk to you for a second.

Real talk.

Talk to me.

You know, Tom,

since I had breast cancer i'm just glad to be here i used to fret about age and age and looking old and i'm like you know what bro like i'm still gonna try to look hot and stuff but like i'm just i'm just i am too blessed to be stressed you know what i'm saying yes yes i'm too blessed hashtag yeah there also comes a point right that like you just realize what i mean age you're just we all age you're aging yeah

It's just part of the whole thing, bro.

Here's the thing.

Every generation, you just try to look better than your parents did at your age.

For sure.

That's really the thing, yeah.

Which I do.

Yeah.

But my mom aged very well.

Actually, my parents were kind of hot.

Yeah, they did age well.

But still.

Did your parents?

Well, your mom looks great.

She looks pretty good for an 80-year-old lady.

Yeah.

My dad really threw in the towel, I think, at 50.

Yeah, he definitely didn't try.

He really did.

Here's the funny thing.

He was really, really active

up into his 40s.

Very active.

One lie to stop.

I don't know.

I think he just, he hit that point of like, fuck it, at like

50.

Like, if you see him, if I show you photos of him in his 30s and even into his early 40s, flat stomach, strong, weightlifting, like, just

in shape, fit guy.

And then...

What I can remember vividly is him being like 55.

So it would still be, for me to compare myself, I would have to be, it would be like 10 years from now.

But when he was 55, I was like, man, like, you really don't give a fuck, right?

Like,

he did not give a fuck.

Fuck.

He was like, oh, sorry.

Barbecue.

Pretty dark.

I'm like, God damn, dude.

Like,

not at all.

Didn't give a shit.

Well, I understand it because

as like I stopped drinking alcohol because of cancer.

Apparently, it's a carcinogen.

Oncologist was like, look, even I don't drink drink alcohol.

I'm the doctor.

I advise you to stop.

And I was like, great, done.

So like, I don't drink alcohol anymore, which I really enjoyed.

I don't smoke cigarettes anymore.

I'm on the Ozempes again.

Whoop, whoop.

So I'm not even really eating.

It's like, I just have to train myself to enjoy like walking.

Well, I think the

fucking for Top Dog was that his joy, his dopamine drip, came from food.

Yeah.

You got to have something.

You have to have something.

And that was just for him the thing that like, as he aged, he was even more into it, you know?

Yeah.

Because I think he just was like,

you know, you'd see him light up at the idea of like meals.

And oh, shit, let's go eat that.

And then it was, yeah.

And there was no counterbalance, no, like, I'll eat this way Friday.

It was just like every day, you know.

No.

Because I'll allow myself to eat what I want on Sundays.

I'm like, fuck it.

That's my one day.

I'll just do stuff and then I'll rein it in the next day.

And that seems to be okay.

But it is depressing to not have vices anymore.

I know.

It sucks.

I'm getting excited by doing puzzles now.

It's also part.

That's the thing.

We're getting older.

Fuck.

I pet my cat.

I got so stoked to be with the cat this morning.

I was late.

I'm so excited.

I know.

Petting the fucking cat.

I buy sweaters.

We should get into the big news here.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

So.

Oh, wow.

If anything merits it, I think it's this.

What about?

I know.

These are my favorite sound.

It's the sound of love, the cat-eating kibble.

This means something amazing

is going to be told to you here in a moment.

Your mom's house exclusive.

You smelt it here first.

Well, it's time we should just finally say it.

We've been building it up, we've been teeing it up, and now we get to tell you.

YMH Live is back.

It is YMH Live 10.

It is coming to you live March 7th at 7.30 p.m.

Central Time.

That is 8.30 Eastern and that is 5.30 Pacific.

Pacific.

It is going to be our biggest one yet.

We've got the great Dan Soder joining us in studio as our special guest.

We have original, of course, brand new sketches.

And we're to celebrate our 10th live show.

We are giving away $10,000

live on the show, on the live stream.

Go to ymhstudios.com for more information and to grab your ticket.

We will announce the winner live on the show right before the heavy segment.

And of course, don't miss the exclusive VIP post-show hosted by Josh Potter.

Everything is at ymhstudios.com.

This is one that we have been putting months into to get ready.

It's been all behind the scenes, super secret.

And now we get to announce it to you guys that these

original sketches are a whole tier above anything we have ever done before.

There's real, real production that's gone into all of this.

And this is a group effort.

When we do YMH Live, the whole team participates, meaning every single person that works here.

And even outside people, we have to outsource a bunch of things.

But we love doing YMH Live.

So this is number 10, and it's going to be our biggest one yet.

March 7th, it's going to go down.

So I hope you can join us.

A reminder, because I get asked this every single time, and I want people to know, you do not have to,

like, if you can't join live March 7th at 7.30 p.m., you can still watch the show later on that night, the next day, three days later, the week after.

So if you're not able to join live, just know that you can still watch the show.

But if you can be there live, it's obviously fun to be in the moment.

All right?

Well, because you never know what's going to happen, you just don't know what's going to happen.

You don't know if we're going to say something crazy or if you're going to see something crazy.

Oh my god, and of course, it'd be fun to be there

either watching or winning 10k.

Also, that's pretty cool.

That's the best, dude.

Yeah, I can't wait for these sketches.

We filmed one last week that I've been thinking.

I thought about it for days.

It was so funny.

It was so amazing.

Yeah, we have cool guys.

We have a lot of special stuff in this one.

We made also an original

short story

that

I don't even know how to do it up.

It's high, high-level production, and it's a really original, fun story.

And I would say that the motivation for it was my dad.

Oh,

very cool.

Okay, that being said,

some happy birthdays came in.

We always like to check out happy birthdays.

Would you like to see?

I'm dying to see, especially because we're going to the UK pretty soon.

We are.

Hey, tonight we'll be in the UK.

We're going to be in, before the UK, we'll be in Ireland.

We'll be in Belfast.

Then we're gonna go down and we'll be in everywhere from Cardiff, Manchester, London.

Manchester.

I'm forgetting places.

Bam, but going to Bam?

I don't remember.

I think going to Bam in a Bam.

It's all at tomsgarrow.com/slash tour.

If you're over there, please come and see me.

All right, here we go.

Right, man.

Chick-fil-A.

Charlie.

Could I get the spicy chicken sandwich and the sucker souffle?

Wait, you said spicy sandwich and what'd you say?

Spicy spicy chicken sandwich and uh uh chocolate milkshake oh

media fry

uh sure any sauce uh chick-fil-a sauce

how you doing today doing good what else can i get for you uh that's it 1234 appreciate shop

four strokes for you

yes sir thank you happy birthday thank you thank you have a good one

all right best meal of the day that's for you

Thank you.

Happy birthday.

That's for you.

Wow, that was cool.

That was really good.

That was really good.

You deserve a round of applause, sir.

He snuck so many things in there.

Charlie.

Yeah.

Wow.

Way to go.

He crushed it, Charlie.

You dropped two Hitlers in there.

That's like a super fast.

Four strokes for you.

And then that's the like black guys are always like, ah, that's right.

Like, he didn't know what you said, but he still went with it.

He's like, that's what I'm talking about.

they just roll with whatever crazy shit.

When he says four strokes for you, what?

She's like, Yeah, man.

He doesn't know what he said.

What did he say?

What?

Four strokes for you?

Yes, sir.

Yes,

four strokes for you.

Yes, sir.

He doesn't know what he said.

He don't care.

Hello, love.

Gonna

It's your birthday.

No, I'm just hiding.

Right.

Right.

Amazing.

Thank you.

Wish everybody in there a happy birthday, Pooley.

Have a good one.

I'm so confused.

I know.

He's like, why would we do that?

That doesn't make any sense.

Why people need logic?

Yeah.

That guy before was like, just roll with it, dude.

Is it your birthday?

No, you know.

Thought it might be yours.

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I like my image here in the box.

Yeah, what's that about?

Did they provide that?

Yes.

Yeah, that was on there when they sold it.

Oh, that's awesome, dude.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, it's really cool.

Is that Arby's?

Where is this fool eating from?

What is that?

Mimi KFC?

No.

Box.

I want to say that's a KFC.

That looks like just like a plastic bag of food.

Like they just threw trash into it.

It says Dairy Queen.

Is that Dairy Queen?

That's so cute.

Wow.

Wow.

Delicious.

You know what's been...

Well, Alex, I'll save this for our guest coming.

Oh, my God.

That's so fun.

Oh, I was watching

the Puff Daddy documentary.

Of course.

Dude.

Yeah.

Speaking of Saddam.

Yeah.

Dark.

Really?

Dude, Puff is like.

Like, I always heard, and then as the news kind of, you know, you see these like kind of flashes.

Like, oh, you know, charged with this.

And you're like, but when you sit and you watch, here's the thing about this.

I watched the one on Max.

It's a, I don't know, six-part series.

It's like pretty in-depth.

These are not just like stories.

They're sit-down interviews with,

because if you're like, oh, who is it?

Uh, childhood best friend,

personal bodyguard for like 10 years,

uh, former employees, former artists that he worked with.

Like the chef, the chef the chef that cooked in his house for years.

It's everybody that was intimately involved with this guy.

And

everything that they say, I mean, he's a monster.

Monster.

Yeah.

There's a real, like, when you watch this, you end up going, like, oh, there's a real probability that I don't think he's going to see the light of day.

Probability.

Probability?

Did I say it wrong?

Did you guys hear probability?

Probability.

Why did you have to fucking do that?

Just making sure you're talking properly.

Speaking properly?

Got choking again?

No, I just was in between words I was going to say.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

I think there's a real probability that he's not going to see the light of day.

Oh, if he can, yeah.

They can.

If any of these charges stick, you're like, well, you are.

If he made the stupid mistake of videotaping all these assaults on people, and why does he videotape so that he can blackmail people later?

But that's going to be the nail in his coffin with these cases.

Maybe if you want to just jack your D-later to it.

I guess.

I guess.

No, it's Tom.

I mean, everything you watch before bed is a steady diet of awful and just chaos and murder and destruction and

that one was like

thank god i was on cold medicine i could like yeah you kind of tapped out of it out but it is fucked up man no i know this woman's like crying in the interview she's like um

i haven't been able to wear the color red in five years it's really fucked up yeah he gave me a cup of red like it was a red cup with poison like but yeah yeah

god damn Allegedly, we should say.

Oh, yeah, sure.

It's pretty true.

He allegedly

forced himself into her, and then she vomited on the table, and then he kept doing it.

And what's really crazy to me is she's like, Yeah, I knew him.

Like, he would call me, and we would chat on the phone.

It's not like he just plucked her out of a nightclub or she's a sex worker that he's torturing.

They had a rapport, yeah.

And then the people that worked in his home, like his domestic staff,

tortured these poor, pushed them around,

swearing at them, coming up.

The crazy thing, you know what the crazier thing is?

Each of them, so they interviewed his executive assistant, like the last one that he had.

And he was like, oh man, I was so excited to work

with somebody I idolized.

And I was like, I get to work for Puff.

And then you see, he

Puff left him not just text, but voice notes so that you get to hear his voice.

And he's like, hey, man, go ahead and get that lube and that baby oil over to the ground for one of my parties.

So it's like, he's, he's like, I'm just delivering like baby oil and lube and condoms to parties.

And I have to clean them.

He goes, the cleanup was the worst

because you're just cleaning up like eight used condoms.

And then he would destroy hotel rooms.

So they were like, we have to like send a special unit to like clean up the hotels.

And then he goes, one time, and then the guy started crying.

He's like uh puff was like hey man like it's time like a loyalty test

um

you're like you're with me right you're with me on all this shit and he's like yeah like he's like all right fuck her and the girl was like it's okay like gave him the head nod and then he's like I started to like have sex with someone that I didn't want to he's like this guy's like crying in the interview and then he's like and then when puff left I stopped and I was like throwing up like it's really traumatizing people.

You know what's so interesting?

And I've said this before on the show, and I'll say it again.

Yeah.

The people in showbiz who pretend to be like, everything's great.

I'm just lifting everybody up a road.

Like, they really present themselves as the good guys.

They're covering up the darkest.

Meanwhile, guys like you who are like, I come, I wipe the cum on the sheets, the shit in my hand.

I do all these crazy, like, these are the normal ones.

Yeah.

It's always the guys that present is like, uh-huh, do you know how all this kicked off for him too they said

like not kicked off in terms of behavior but in terms of this becoming an issue cassie yes but it was the it was the the awards the award ceremony he got an award

he had not been with this person in years and then in the award ceremony

this is recent right like semi-recent was last year i think he's like also I just want to give a shout out to Cassie.

Like, you know, it's all love or whatever.

Something like that.

No, he goes, Thank you for being with me in my darkest.

When I was at my worst, I was in my darkest.

And then she saw that and was like, fuck you.

Because she took it as like a veiled threat in a way, you know.

And that is what, so him just having the nerve to mention her is what

like elicited everything.

Isn't that wild?

I know.

Eventually, these guys get caught.

And I hate to say it, but no, people in Hollywood are horrible generally.

Not to this this level, but I've worked for some fucking demons as well.

Of course, we all

this is other level, but most of them are like this.

It's fucking terrible.

Not to this scale.

Right before we take a break here, I think we need a little palate cleanser.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I feel alright.

I feel alright today.

Feel alright.

Feel alright today.

I feel alright.

It is at home, Dave.

Beautiful.

Man, that was awesome.

He nicely took the time out of his beach vacay to do that.

It kind of makes me wonder what Puff could do with him.

Like with his producing power and this guy's raw talent.

It's so sad we don't get to see that together.

I know, I know.

What did you think of that clip right there, Zolo?

Fucking awesome.

I love this guy.

Yeah.

He's fucking badass.

Very talented.

Any of you like that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's great.

Yeah, I don't know how the fuck he does it.

I know.

I wish I could.

He's a throat whistler.

I'm not that don't.

I mean, I've just, I've never, I've literally never heard that before.

No, me neither.

This guy like invented a whole new instrument with his body.

It's pretty amazing.

He's on the beach, just enjoying life.

Beautiful.

We got to get in touch with this guy.

I'm serious.

We do.

Of course we should.

Why haven't we already?

This guy's amazing.

I don't know.

He needs to be writing songs for us, doing music for us.

I got an idea.

What about if we get him to do some of the Bad Boy Records' greatest hits?

I don't think he's familiar with them.

He could learn them.

He could learn them.

That would be really cool to hear him do.

Take that, take that, take that.

I thought I'll tell you that we won't stop.

I thought I'll tell you that.

We won't stop.

We could totally resurrect Puffy's career.

Let's make that our mission.

Yeah.

The accomplishment of the year would be like we brought Puff back from the dark.

I mean, this could cross over into a whole new audience.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

I think it's worth trying.

Good looking out, yo.

You got it, bro.

All right, we'll take a quick break.

We'll be right back.

Okay, all right.

And we are back and welcoming back to the program as one of our good friends.

You can check out his new tour, the Bro Adjacent Tour.

You can get tickets at thefullcharge.com.

It's the Full Charge Matt Restaurant, everybody.

Yay!

So good to be at my home away from home.

Hell yeah.

My mom's house.

Your mom's house, dude.

You know, this show is so fucking popular, and I tell MCs, comics who listen to it, and I'm like, yeah, just say I'm on your mom's house when they bring me up.

Yeah.

And they'll always fuck it up.

Like, your mama's house.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, we get that.

Or big house.

Your mom.

Big mama, too.

I've had staring Martin Lawrence.

I've had people bring me up that way too.

They're like, you know, and, or even like introduction on a press thing, they'll be like, and you've seen his

very popular podcast, your mama's place.

Yeah.

It's your, your mama's place.

Well, now I used to threaten my MCs.

You have to say your mom's house.

If you say something, some variant of it, our fans are so diehard.

They will fucking hate you.

Totally.

Just fuck this up.

And

also how lazy they are.

So lazy.

They don't know that that's the whole job.

Yeah.

Like you're going to bomb anyway when you're an MC, so don't bother with that.

Yeah, with going over your notes.

Yeah, just memorize that shit.

Say the thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking cunt.

I remember I was MC in Ontario one time and I almost I was introducing David Allen Greer and I almost said Tommy Davidson.

Like it was halfway out my mouth.

Which I would have been like just so fucking humiliated.

Oh

it's it's only half racist.

They were both on in living color.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

He would have got you shouts out to both of them.

I love them.

It's just my own stupidity and nervousness.

I remember, I think I've told the story before, but it still haunts me because there's nothing like the trauma of not knowing what to say.

And I was hosting at the Melrose Improv on a showcase night.

So Melrose is like showcase shows.

So, you know, every time you get off, you're like, who's next?

And you,

and then you go back.

And I had rift of minute in between.

And then it was time.

And I was like, give it up.

Your next comedian.

And I remembered his last name and I couldn't remember his first name.

So I just said, Mr.

Berman.

No.

He's like 23.

No, he's.

I think his name is Peter.

Is it Peter Berman?

I think that's his name.

Yeah, that's his name.

Yeah, now you know it.

It's Peter Berman.

And I said, Mr.

Berman, and he was like, he came up there.

I remember he was like, fuck.

Mr.

Berman.

He goes, Mr.

Berman.

That's him.

Yeah, yeah.

He looks like a Mr.

Berman.

He goes, what am I?

His fucking fourth grade teacher?

That's what he said.

I was like.

that dude don't fuck around.

I've hung out with him recently.

And I mean, he should have.

He did exactly what he should have done.

Right.

Yeah, that's him.

And I was like, I was like, but here's the thing.

Even though the person forgives you,

you're so...

Fucked up over the mistake.

It sucks.

Yeah, I was like, because I didn't, you know, I didn't write it down.

I should have like written it on a piece of it.

No, you get it's like, it's fucking rookie to look at the paper, but it's a lot better than failure.

Yes.

I'll tell you what, man.

Mr.

Berman.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

I said Chelsea Handler's name wrong one time.

She just got there.

She's like, that's not my name, but whatever.

And then, like, I was so distraught, like, you're talking about.

And I was like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

She's like, I don't give a fuck.

Like, some people just like a jumping off point.

Of course.

Like that.

Some people don't even say my last name.

They're just give it up for

Matt.

Oh, my God.

They do it so much.

I have jokes about it.

Like, you know, if a joke bombs.

I've been with you.

No, you can't Google me.

I've been with you.

You don't know my last name.

Have tried your last name and been like,

so stupid.

Well, especially when you headline it.

It's not that hard.

There's this poster up at this place in

Richland, Washington of me, and it's been up there for like 12 years.

And my name is spelled incorrectly.

Full Shrion.

Full Shrian.

You know?

And I remember this thing.

Like, I'm holding a boom box and shit, and I have cool hair.

And I thought I took it home because like somebody spit on it.

So I was like, I'm taking this down.

There's a fucking Lugie on it.

Holy shit.

Because I went up there and I was like, I was like, yo, what's up, Kirkland?

It was like, Richland.

And I'm like, well, we got about 44 and a half minutes left.

How do you guys want to do this?

Do you want to start over?

I've been on stage.

Said the wrong stuff because your brain sometimes

just fucking

fizzles out.

Horrible.

They're so inefficient.

I've fallen off a stage.

Oh, yeah.

The hyenas in Dallas.

after my

I was walking down, like, okay, good night, everybody.

And I just ate shit down the stairs.

I'm like, oh, man.

Was that before?

Is that before the age of taping every moment of your life?

Because that could be, well, you don't need to go viral.

So fuck it.

You need to bury that.

Yeah, that was it.

That was, yeah, goddamn.

I've eaten shit walking

upstairs.

Yeah, of course.

Onto the stage.

Yeah.

And also, you panic so hard when that happens.

And in your mind, you're like, how am I going to recover yeah they're either they saw it and they're laughing or they didn't see it yeah and then you're not even starting because you're like

I almost died yeah

why why do we feel like we have to be so cool

our job is not to be cool not at all you know the opposite have you ever oh my god have you ever just straight up blanked on your set are you fucking kidding me do you know who you're talking to I was thinking about this um

on the way here because you know it brings up certain memories working with you and stuff and i remember in san jose and i've done this twice but one time i was opening for you and it's the last joke my time's done like you're coming out you need to come out you're clearly the headliner and i'm like yeah forget the punchline anyway and this one dude just goes oh come on

like fucking blue balls asshole like you know and i was like fucking totally intimidated but that guy actually cared yeah everybody else is like whatever yeah so what yeah Bring out Tom.

It's,

I've, I've blanked also at the opening, same thing, which is like the where you're like,

this is the beginning.

Right.

And your brain just goes, nope, nothing here.

I've got nothing for you.

I equate it to reaching up on the shelf and it's just not there.

It's not there.

You're so casually going for it.

And your brain's like, I think we're taking the day off, man, because it was a stressful flight here.

Yeah.

Can I tell you the worst I ever did was at Melrose at the Hollywood Improv.

Like you said, it was a showcase night, not just any showcase night.

My manager had invited every agent.

Always.

It's always up to them when they're coming.

Every casting person in the city.

And I literally just gotten off a weekend of shows and I was exhausted.

I just came from the airport.

My brain was swirling.

I was up there and yeah, about two minutes in, just totally blanked.

And I was like, I get

I just froze and I was like, I forgot my jokes.

I just admitted it.

I was like, I totally don't know what I'm saying.

Did you?

Oh, yeah, I remember.

And I did that.

But I didn't know that.

But that can work, though.

Because

it worked.

I don't think it did.

I think I did really bad.

Really?

Sure.

But at least you were talking.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, because I stopped and I was like, oh, my God.

And I kept saying it.

I was like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe I'm doing this right now.

Like, I was totally writing at Melrose.

Why are you stealing my act?

They were basically like, yeah, you just ate shit in front front of everybody in Hollywood.

And I was like, that sounds about right.

Because I've eaten shit at showcases for like live at Gotham.

Remember that showcase?

That was for like a five-minute slot on the TV show.

And I never forget they gave you five minutes.

I wrapped that set up in three.

Type three.

No laughs.

So nervous.

I'm going to excuse myself.

The hardest I ever bombed

at a showcase, and I mean bombed,

was for

just for laughs.

Of course.

So they go

on that.

We were supposed to do it at the laugh factory.

And when we get there, they're like, oh,

it was something like they go,

we had told people to like

come at a different time.

So they're not here.

So we'll just use who's here.

And I'm like, so there's no crowd?

And they're like, well, there is a crowd, but it's mostly comics.

Oh, my God.

Because there's like the audience.

Thought it was supposed to be like at whatever, like at nine, we're going to do it at seven.

I'm like, how does that make any sense?

Yeah.

and they're like, well, they just do it.

And I'm like, so there's like 20 comics who they're all want to, they all want to go to Just for Laughs.

Stay in room for you.

Yeah.

And then I'm like, and that's who we're performing for.

They're like, yeah, and the judges from Just for Laughs.

And you're like, oh my God.

And I went up there and just, I mean, everything was just, it was like right now, I just would finish and then there would just be silence.

Right.

And I was like, wow.

And so I got off stage.

And I mean, I was like, that was the worst experience of my entire life.

Yeah.

And then they're like, yeah, you got it.

You're going to Just for Laughs.

I was like, Off of that?

Just for silence.

Which just told me how fucking rigged those experiences are.

Right, okay.

You know what I mean?

Like, I was like,

I was like, if you can get it off of that pile of shit, that means that you can also.

Because I had also had showcases for other things where I was like, yo, I killed.

Right.

And they're like, yeah, you didn't get it.

Yeah.

Why didn't you get it?

What do you mean?

Dude, that's my Just for Last.

I remember this one year they brought me back like six times and I fucking murdered, like, like destroyed everybody on the whole show every single time, like, like, ruined the show for everybody else.

And then on the sixth one, I just kind of did okay.

They brought me for a sixth, yeah, and they were like, Yeah, you're not going.

They just wore me down,

you know.

Uh, there's stuff that I'm dying to show you, okay?

So, let's well, first of all, so that we don't forget to do it because I tease it at the top.

You are going on tour, yeah.

So, I got the broad Jason tour coming up.

I'm very excited about it.

The fullcharge.com.

Can you pull it up, please?

The fullcharge.com.

It might be a little sloppy, but all the information's there.

And

no.

There we go.

There you go.

So you go to tour dates.

Oh, there we go.

And all right, that's not half bad.

And I also, just when my plane landed, got the ticket link.

for the special I'm taping in Hermosa Beach in November.

Okay.

Fucking start buying tickets now.

It's going to be, it's going to be killer.

Comedy Magic?

Yeah, Comedy Magic, the lounge.

It's going to be a lounge vibe, like a fucking sleazy

vibe, sexy vibe.

Gotcha.

Hermosa,

and it's happening, man.

I'm very excited.

That's what the tour is about.

Getting that hour together.

November 22nd.

And just

making babies.

Make babies, dude.

That's awesome.

Congratulations.

That's rad.

Go to thefullcharge.com.

Don't forget, because if it's just fullcharge.com, that's a broken website.

Right.

Yeah.

And

the full charge power hour is back in full effect.

There you go.

And I'm at the full charge on Instagram.

So get to know me all over again.

Get to know me.

There he is.

Look at him.

He's doing it.

Photo by Sean Nicks.

Hey.

By the way, do you have an OnlyFans?

Yeah.

You do?

Yeah, but that's just for porn.

Oh, okay.

That's fullcharge.com.

I think that's down.

We're trying to get Charo, my mom, to get on.

Pillars.

Yeah, well,

I don't think she'll do hardcore, but I mean, I don't know.

She has to meet people.

Right.

Maybe something tasteful.

We're trying to get her to do like good mornings.

Here's me making coffee.

She makes money.

She's married all day.

Yeah.

She drinks and has paneton, like a little snacks.

Yeah.

Like, hello, good morning.

This is Choro.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

People forget that that platform was established as being like for fans

of like, I want to just follow this person.

Like Patreon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's really, and then the porn people took it in another direction.

As they do.

They all do.

As they do.

They get their little cum hooks in there.

But the

gooey little cum hooks.

Their gooey little cum hooks never just latch out.

But they really do innovate and they grow technology.

They adapt.

Porn is there

first.

Yeah.

VHS.

Yep.

Laser disc.

Yep.

They were there.

Yeah, I remember when I saw a thing, they're like, DJ Collard's on OnlyFans.

I was like, he's fucking people on only fans and they're like no he's just like here's my house he's fucking he's fucking someone who's like dj collid

dj college that's really what it was set up for so anyway we're trying to get charo on there i hope i hope we can convince him yeah that would be special are you gonna do only fans i would love to do scenes with my guys would pay a premium to see you jay my dude dudes love you some dudes yeah the right kind dude right kind of dude that should be y'all's retirement plan like one big

sexual encounter on OnlyFans, cash out.

That's it.

Like, Tom and I fucking?

Yeah.

And be like, get out of your mom's house.

It's over.

Can I burn down the mom's house?

Burning down your mom's house.

That would be the grossest.

That would be the grossest.

Us fucking?

No one.

Fat and middle-aged pigs.

I'm telling you.

Ugh.

Ugh.

With my cancer tits and everything.

Oh, yeah, cancer tits.

That's what you could call it.

Cancer tits.

My awful implants right now.

And then they'd be like, that was scarred.

This is so fast.

Why was this scene like that?

Yeah, trying.

It's us.

It's one of those boxing matches where you're like, it's over.

One of my favorite things,

I love these fucking pranks that people are doing.

And I also love fucking, you know, I love fucking with my parents.

I fuck with my mom more than I did with my dad, but this guy has a real fired-up dad, and he fucks with him.

All right.

And it makes me laugh so hard.

It really makes, I I get so much joy out of this.

Fucking asshole, fucking stupid.

This reminds me of Andrew Russell's dad.

You know, when he's golfing,

just losing his shit.

I don't see how this dad keeps hanging around with this guy.

Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

They clearly work together, too.

Like, they're at, I think they're work.

You know, he's a painter.

Right.

And so he's just at work with his dad, pulls out his phone, and he just fucks with his dad.

So he feels like he can't get fired.

Yeah, he can't get fired.

Well, also, there's no child abuse in his history because my dad would beat the fuck out of me.

if I did this to him.

Dude, and he knows.

If you did this series, right?

Could you imagine any doing this shit to our dad?

I wouldn't be here today.

If you did any of those things, it wouldn't go.

You'd never hold another paintbrush or a golf club for as long as you're in the house.

No.

You'd have to move out when you're 18, too.

That's it, you know.

It's just a testament to this dad's patience and kindness.

He's actually a sweet guy.

Yeah.

And that's why they keep doing it.

Because they're like, it's so fun to watch him go, you fucking asshole.

But he doesn't actually hurt them.

I think he should.

Yeah.

I think it might even be about the curse word because he probably didn't curse that much.

This poor dad can never relax.

He can't relax anywhere.

He was sleeping on vacation, and when they dropped a chair on him, that guy was in the middle of a great nap.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But isn't this what it's like to have boys in general?

Not in my house, man.

Like, I had a brother.

We didn't fuck with my dad at all, man.

We might have made fun of him a little bit, but Jesus Christ, dude.

But I feel like anytime we want to relax is when they're like, I want to jump on you.

I want to to torture you.

It's your torture time.

Let's.

If you relax, they'll jump on top of you and fuck you up.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

Our kids are too little to be.

They're always ruining something.

Yeah.

Usually your piece.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, dude, they just ruin any moment.

And this is the rare, this next one is the rare time where it's a woman pranking the man.

Oh.

Because a lot of times these, like, the pranks in these relationships are the guy to the girl.

But this woman fucks this guy up with this.

Dude, I'd fucking hit that bitch, too.

That's mean as shit, though.

I don't like that.

She fucks him up.

She hates him.

She fucking hates him.

Wait, again, I would never do this to you because I respect you.

I'd be like, he's going to fucking hit me.

He wakes up out of a deep sleep like that and you see a fucking crow.

Wait, that's not just a crow.

That's a gargoyle.

And

that's beyond your relationship.

That's human instincts kicking in, freaking out, fight or flight.

You're already backed against the bed.

It's fight time.

It's terrifying.

A deep sleep and see a monster on the like.

You don't know if that it's me in a costume.

This bitch could get fucking killed.

That's everybody.

She sucks, dude.

She sucks.

It's very funny, though.

Dude, I don't know.

That was like five takes.

That was like cartoon-level reaction.

Yeah.

That's why you don't date a cosplay bitch.

No, dude.

Then it's filmed and put on the internet.

Jeez.

Oh, God.

She hates him.

Yeah.

That's fucked up.

Oh, fuck that bitch, dude.

That guy does not have a sense of humor about it.

I mean,

it's hard enough being alive without coffee in the morning.

Yeah, you know, too.

He probably just worked like a long shift.

Just please, bitch.

Even if he's lazy, he was asleep.

He was asleep, yeah.

It's bad enough when you're in a dead sleep and your your kid wakes you up they stand right over us and they're like mom and i'm like

like that's bad enough yeah that wake-up oh my god they do that because they always do it close too so you're always like holy fuck yeah that like

fuck dude he's like hey hey

no i got it i'm awake now yes what

do you know where my ipad is yeah no

it's terrifying Fuck this bitch.

If you need to focus and you have low focus, what you do is just pull back your foreskin.

That'll put a pressure on your frenulum, which stimulates the pineal to create the god molecule.

See, I'm talking like Andrew Huberman here.

And then you just rub, rub, rub the juicy mushroom.

Whoa, and it tingles the balls and it just gives you, it's like having a dose of espresso or crisp.

And don't worry, my American brothers, if you're circumcised, what you can do is rub your ball bag and then mix the ball bag smell with a little bit from your stink portal.

So just rub the starfish and then,

oh, it does the same thing.

What is it supposed to do?

Give you energy?

Yeah, it just really.

I scratch my taint all the time, and it gives me nothing.

But shame

it.

No, I'm smelling it.

You have to smell it.

You have to smell it.

And then I go to the bathroom and wash my hands, and I'm skipping.

I get nothing.

Then I'm just moping.

Like, maybe you.

God damn, I need some ball smells.

I'll send you this video, and then maybe you just need to practice how you do it.

Yeah, I'll get into it.

You know, maybe get some earrings or something like that.

You're not mixing your ball smells and your taint smells.

That's where your flaw is.

That's true.

You need to get that potency from your ball smells.

Right.

So close, yet so far away.

No.

Sometimes I really miss out on a lot of his lessons.

He's given me a lot of great pointers, and I don't actually follow up a lot.

So I'm being kind of a lazy student.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, I think the guy's smart.

He says espresso and not espresso.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Which makes me think he's intelligent.

He is intelligent.

He's very well read.

It's just all the books you have no interest in.

The ball books.

He's

absolutely well read.

Well, this sounds like it does what smelling salts do.

This might be a good segue into the show we were watching.

Matt, you got to get on this with your lady.

Okay.

You've got to watch this show.

We found it's about 10 years old and it was on TLC and it's called My Husband's Not Gay.

All right.

That's a good premise.

It's about guys who are just SSA.

SSA.

They're same-sex same-sex attracted.

Okay.

But they're not

gay.

Okay.

So they're basically guys who are like, yeah, I find men attractive.

I look at them.

Oh, so gay.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

But they don't act on the impulse.

Right.

Like, I repress all the feelings that I have, and I pretend that I'm attracted to this woman.

Right.

But what I really like to be doing is blowing a guy.

Right.

And I've created a life with this woman.

And children.

And children.

And families.

Well, they're Mormon.

They're Mormon.

So they've learned that they can have these SSAs, but you can't act on them because scripture does not allow homosexuality.

Here's a cool clip from the show.

That is tough.

No, I gay.

Hey, guys.

How are you guys?

Jeff and I are meeting Prett and Megan for an early dinner tonight.

When you can be gay together, who's gay?

You never know where those conversations may go.

I want to hear your French pronunciation on the menu.

I'm not doing that.

Tune and melt.

Very good.

Thank you.

Le tuna ni coi.

Nissoise.

Nissoise.

Of course.

Hello.

Welcome to Boulingerie.

Don't laugh.

It's not that funny.

Can I get you all an appetizer to start?

You know, your hummus looked good.

Your hummus plate.

It's excellent.

Great.

We'll try it.

Okay?

Your hummus cannon.

Did you guys notice anything?

He's a very good-looking guy.

We have a very open relationship.

And this is just one more way we try to be open.

I found it's more freeing to just acknowledge, yeah, that is a beautiful man.

I'd say you need a little more of the masculine butch.

You need more of the all-American guy.

That's your type.

Well, yeah, sure.

Okay.

Well,

they all have kids.

I don't have great not Gator.

But I'm guessing it's the guy in the white shirt.

It's actually both guys.

Oh, okay.

They're both SSA.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Same-sex project.

What also what's cool, what is really neat, is that there's a scale from zero to four where they have to rate how SSA they're feeling in the moment.

So zero is like,

I might notice an attractive guy.

Oh, right there.

That's zero?

I think if you, yeah, that one.

Well, they had talked about it here.

The scale?

They talked about it when they were playing basketball.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't feel like I fit the mold of guys that are attracted to other males.

This guy's my favorite.

Other than my deep and abiding love for Broadway show tunes and the attraction to males.

Those are the two things that

are kind of gay about me.

When I'm out with the guys, yeah, we'll look at other guys, for sure.

Yeah.

What's the danger score?

Danger score.

The danger scale is a way to bring out some of the inner feelings and figure out, oh, okay, that is attractive to me, and I didn't even realize it.

The danger scale goes from zero to four.

A one on the danger scale is a four notice.

You look.

A two means you looked again.

Uh-oh.

A three,

you'd be tempted to turn around to look again and again.

A four pretty much means you're requiring restraints.

Good.

Really?

I'd go higher than that.

That's some danger.

That's why the basketball has been fun.

Some water?

Thank you.

A five is a little bit more.

Being friends with other guys that deal with same-sex attraction, it's really been helpful.

Somebody cares about you, Tom.

They're kind of in a place that I want to be.

I want to meet a girl and like her and say, by the way, I'm attracted to guys.

And that's what my friends have done, and they've made it work.

Yeah,

kind of.

Your friends that don't live in Utah.

Isn't that crazy that he's like, I want to be like my friends who are also gay.

Right.

that are married to women

and are cool with being married to a gay guy.

This is insanity.

It's totally insane.

Move to a coast and fucking get busy.

Yeah, dude.

Fuck some, you know?

Fuck some brothers.

All these guys would be so much happier in their lives.

And the women, too.

Everybody's happier.

It's such an ordeal.

It's like we got to go through this whole like alternate life that doesn't exist.

I mean, these guys are lucky they only have one wife, too.

Oh, my God.

No.

How about one of our wives is a man?

Yeah.

Here's the thing I do know about the Mormon church is that if you leave, because that's what we say as people that aren't Mormon, like, get the fuck out of the church.

Just go.

Well, if you leave the Mormon church, you're excommunicated, which means you don't talk to your family or friends ever again.

So it's not just like, hey, I'm leaving the church.

Like, your life is, everyone you've ever known cannot speak to you ever again.

So it's a really big deal, which is why you should repress your homosexual feelings and suck it up and bust nuts in your wife's dry vagina.

Yeah.

Right.

And you push your sagging and those barely erect penis into her.

The crazy thing is that we always think about those guys and how clearly they should just, you know, go be gay because that's who you are.

I wish they could.

But then those women have never been with a guy who's like into them.

They don't even know what that's like.

So they do like it probably in a way.

Like they probably, like there's some women, mostly on sitcoms who are like, eh, not tonight, Ray.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, they might kind of like

that aspect of it.

Maybe, I don't know.

But, like, it's just you got to find people that are into what you're into, you know.

Oh, my God.

It's really nice, Tom.

She's so cute.

She's adorable.

That's what's great about dudes is like, we're not even disgusted.

We're like, yeah, she's cute.

Yeah, she's awesome.

See, this one, she's not lying about who she is.

You know, I don't know, dude.

Guys, I got this really cute matching red set.

I could do this for money.

Doesn't it look so good on me?

I could do these for money.

Like, if I had to, this is what it is.

Red is like the best color ever.

She just made $1,000.

She just made so much money.

Yeah.

Guys are so gross and base.

Wait, hold on.

Can we talk about

the Mormons?

Can we talk about the Mormons for a second?

Yeah.

Talk to you for a second.

Do you really think?

that these dudes being dudes and like young young enough dudes that they still have an appetite for dicks dicks do you really think they're just holding it in or are they fucking each other after basketball i think they're either jerking it to gay porn number one that's

at the minimum and then that's the minimum and i do think at least one of them has got to be going on business trips and and doing his thing somebody's got to give something's got to give something's got to give and it's better to cheat than to get excommunicated in this case you know it's a unique case yeah i agree maybe they should have a clause like that and maybe they do in their marriage where they're like just fucking go bang dudes.

It sounds like it's kind of like,

don't ask, don't tell.

Yeah.

It sounds like it's kind of like, I'm not going to ask you too many questions.

I don't know.

If you watch more, it feels like the women are like, they're more like, it's...

They're in denial.

He has these feelings, but the great thing is he doesn't act on them.

So maybe they're in denial to themselves about it.

They are, yeah.

But like those guys definitely, like, they're...

They're not being satisfied.

Right.

So they got to do something.

Right.

But also, if you grow up religious, you know that like there's tons of thoughts that come into your head that you're not supposed to do and they can just file that into that because they don't live in a society where they see a lot of gay people or think it's normal i don't think not in salt lake city you're talking you're true probably not and like there are girls who straight up like love gay guys like like have like i have friends i have female friends who love watching gay man porn who are very attracted to gay men like girls it's every bachelorette party there's always one gay dude that's like, we gotta have him too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I love gay guys.

Maybe I should look into this.

Matt loves me.

Well, you know that I'm SSA.

Really?

I'm not gay.

No, no, you're not gay.

No, clearly, but you're same-sex attracted.

I'm walking around in about a four all day long.

I like how all the numbers were kind of similar.

Yeah, I know.

One of them should be contacts on those legs.

Look, look again.

You want to look again.

And then four was restraints.

Right.

Yeah, it goes quick.

Yeah, like I wanted to hop on him, but I didn't.

Like, there should be, like, I talked to him suggestively.

I flirted with him.

Come on.

I did something.

This should go to 10.

I think it does.

I think they're cutting it off at four.

When's the last time you heard of a four like rating?

It's either five or a ten, you know?

This is TV.

That's so gay.

This is the TV version.

That's okay.

That's so big.

I wish that their Mormon God would let them be gay.

What's the big thing?

Please.

But then

you can't make babies that way.

That's the only problem.

That's the only thing.

Holding it.

That's literally, it's not because it's wrong.

It's just that they can't make more Mormons.

That guy who's still single, though, who's looking for someone?

I know.

I like him the best.

He should just be Chug and Cock.

Get out of the church and go Chug Cock for sure.

Check out some Broadway musicals.

Go to New York.

Go live in New York.

He just needs someone to take him out of there.

That's it.

I know.

Just take him out of the city.

Nobody else's friends are there playing basketball and stuff.

Yeah.

I think what's good about this for that guy is in the age of social media, he probably had people hitting him up, like, dude,

just fucking come out for the weekend, blah, blah, blah, that type of thing, you know?

Yeah, because gay guys are savage, dude.

Oh, like, I'm sure he got DMs.

He's like, I'll fucking suck your dick.

Come to New York right now.

It's like Robert Paul of Champagne.

Their DMs definitely blew up.

Yeah, you can only turn that down about 12, 13 times before you get to the point.

You know what they really need?

Each of these guys, especially the single guy, he just needs another Mormon who is like, I grew up Mormon too.

Down low.

So they can connect on that.

Yeah.

And And then, hey, man, like, you could still care for God and be filled with cum.

Yeah.

Like, just

visit me.

It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.

Yeah, yeah.

It can exist together.

God doesn't hate cum.

He just hates when there's no babies with the cum.

Yeah.

That's all it is.

That's why he hates jerking off.

It's a good speech.

That's why he hates porn.

To the Mormon gays out there.

God doesn't hate your cum.

God doesn't hate your cum.

He just hates there's no babies.

Have you been in a Waymo yet?

I have not.

I've seen him around.

I want to try it.

I want to try it.

I'm at about a one on Waygo's.

I looked twice.

I've seen them everywhere.

Something will go wrong.

Yeah.

And it will be me.

I have to.

I'll finally go viral.

I will finally be famous, paying attention.

I got to watch my weight, though, if I'm going to get in one of these, you know?

Okay.

Yeah.

Let's talk about it.

I'm too fat to safely ride in a Waymo, and you might be too.

It's your favorite career automotive educator.

And recently, my wife and I took our first spin in the self-driving rideshare service.

I had concerns but was cautiously optimistic about the experience.

After loading up our suitcases and getting comfortable, I buckled my seatbelt.

No way I was riding in a futuristic self-driving machine without it.

And bam, the seatbelt clicked and immediately locked.

Okay, it happens.

Let me try again.

Removing my seatbelt instantly made the car scream at me.

But you know, I had to.

The seatbelt locked yet again, almost instantly.

Damn it.

Wait, isn't that supposed to be?

I'm the problem.

We're just too damn fat for this car.

The seatbelt locked on my smaller wife too.

Fat people deserve a safe, comfortable ride just like anyone else.

Waymo, you need to provide seatbelt extenders.

It's as simple as that.

They're relatively inexpensive and should simply be in the car for customers to use when they're needed.

And while we're on the subject of seatbelt extenders, being an ally to the fat people in your life means you too should have a seatbelt extender because they're not universal a quick google search or a call to your local parts department at the dealership will let you know if the car manufacturer makes them and if they don't you can get it from seatbeltextenderpros.com for 20 to 30 bucks all right

um everybody wants everything and everyone is taping everything and this is insane insane also if you you should have one too i should get one just in case i don't have any friends Fat friends.

I don't drive anybody around except my wife.

That's it, dude.

But here's the deal, man.

If you know you're a big, great, big, fat person and, like, this tiny ass car shows up.

You should carry it.

Carry what, homie?

That's what I'm saying.

If you're the great, big, fat person.

You carry the.

You carry it.

That's right.

Why is it my responsibility?

B-Y-O-S-B.

E.

Yeah.

Yeah, bring your own extender.

No, that's this.

She needs the video where they go, oh, yeah, you're right.

It should be everywhere and it could be in your purse.

Yeah, then you carry it.

That's a good point, Tom.

That's a good point, Tom.

Like a condom in the wallet.

Yeah, dude.

Exactly.

Just bring your own.

I bring hand sanitizer because I like clean hands.

Stop fucking eating, fatty.

Jesus Christ.

You know, that's not good.

Yeah.

You got to be fucking retarded as fuck and don't lose weight.

That's not good.

Wow.

That helps.

That does, but that's too much work.

Just buying a seatbelt extender is less work.

I've never seen a seatbelt extender for sale.

Probably get it on Amazon or whatever.

Oh, you get everything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

That's true.

Or at seatbeltextenderpros.com.

Which

plug.

What car should a fat person get?

Like, what's in a like an SUV?

Yeah, yeah.

Big, fat people want big fat cars.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't want to get in a little car.

Well, she makes, yeah, she's getting into a tiny car.

Because there was that lady a few weeks ago that got, she wants to sue Lyft.

Oh, yeah.

Because the Lyft driver pulled up.

She was, she's 392, I think.

Okay.

This lady.

And she was like, and the driver was like, nah.

He's like, you can't get in here.

I mean, yeah,

he knew, you know, he probably didn't have the right accommodation.

He didn't.

He actually had a small car.

He's like, you're way too big for the car.

I think a classic car is good, even though it's built for skinny people.

Yeah.

There's big, big, long bench seats and no seat belts.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you know what?

The thing is, if you have a big SUV, it's not easy to get in them.

No, that's what I was thinking.

Yeah, yeah.

You need a low-rided

SUV, but then if you're heavy, that's just going to make you scrape going up a little ramp or whatever.

But I was thinking a pickup truck.

You just need a driver.

In the back.

Yeah.

You get in the flatbed.

Yeah.

That's a scene.

That's a sight.

That's a good idea.

That would so fly in Texas.

Little baby pool.

People don't give a fuck.

They put everything in their pickup truck.

Oh, they didn't let an Uber driver pick me up in a pickup truck.

He did.

Yeah, yeah.

See?

Yeah.

Texas slows.

Don't give a fuck.

That is true.

My car got hit today.

Really?

In a parking lot, and I watched it.

You just saw it out there.

I watched it.

And I was like, hey,

you hit my car.

And she goes, I don't think I did.

I go, no, I watched it.

And she goes, I don't think I did.

I go, it's not that you think I saw you do it.

And she's like, no.

And then her trailer hitch matches up perfectly to the damage.

I'm like, and then she just rolled up the window and drove off.

Oh, my God.

You can do that.

I listen to her driving off.

I posted it online.

It's a new era of, no, the law don't apply to me.

I'm out.

That's her license plate.

Oh, my God, dude.

But she deserves it, right?

Yeah, for sure.

She deserves it.

The nerve of somebody did.

That's the trailer.

There's the paint on the

and then the next image, that's where it went.

Oh, dude.

Yeah, that's definite.

Yeah, I mean, also, if you go back a few, I have, oh, yeah, that's her.

Oh, that's me yelling at her.

I go because she had already turned back around.

I go, no, I watched you do it.

She's like, I don't think I did.

I don't think you're here.

I don't think I did.

That wasn't you.

That wasn't you.

That was.

It's so funny on the show, but it's so fucking frustrating in real life.

Yeah, it's just crazy.

You know?

Yeah.

I just, I don't know, man.

And especially in this day and age where there's so many cameras and everyone can, all you have to do is photograph her drivers, or I mean, her whatever the shit word is, license plate.

Yeah.

Yeah, we already found out who it belongs to.

People.

You're not going to get away with it.

They also don't know who they're fucking with.

You guys have a huge show.

That's true.

My God, one time I backed up into

a really shitty tow truck in the parking lot.

I was with our kids, and I left him a note.

I was like, I'm so sorry.

That's what you do.

Like, yeah, because also my kids, I don't want to hit and run.

She called somebody.

She rolled up the window and we're like, hey, hey.

And she started to move.

And then she just drove.

Like, okay that's wild dog that's a crime it legit is the trailer hitch too yeah of course

it fits perfectly it's what she did whatever we watched her do it yeah but my opinion is it didn't happen yeah that's what she said that's my opinion i don't think i did i love red band's comment what a cunt

short and sweet yeah that's my boy yeah dude she got garth army on her now yeah she's done for dude

she's done that car is not gonna get any love in Texas.

There's her face, too.

Holy shit.

Oh, yeah.

It's just, here's the thing.

It's just a shitty thing to do.

I mean, it's not cool.

You should be, you know, you're accountable.

You did it.

But yeah, whatever.

It's just how it goes.

This is really crazy.

People are fucking.

I had a hit and run.

My car got totaled.

What?

On Los Felos Boulevard.

It just, I had a Chrysler 300.

You saw it.

Yeah.

And

it just, this is in 2015.

I only had it for like six months, and it was like the coolest car in the world for me because I would never buy it myself.

Yeah.

But like a friend had it, and I bought it from him cheap.

And I'm like cruising in a Chrysler 300.

Just love it.

Just baller.

Yeah, yeah.

And I park it on Los Phillos Boulevard.

And I come out in the morning and it's just, it's total.

It's legitimately total.

You can't fix it.

That's that.

And then somehow the car that hit it

kept going.

Damn.

Nutty.

Fucking nutty.

Drunks.

It's insane.

Yeah, definitely drunks.

There was one time when I lived on Silver Lake Boulevard.

I'm in the back room and I hear what I thought was an explosion.

Right.

I thought it was a grenade.

I really thought that somebody had thrown a grenade.

I was like, holy shit.

And I run out to the front yard and it was my cousin's girlfriend's car was parked and somebody had hit it at like 50 miles an hour.

Oh my God.

Drunks?

Demolished it.

Yeah.

Dude.

So goddamn loud.

Terrifying.

It is.

Yeah.

It definitely is.

I think I even heard it, but I was like,

it didn't seem like it applied to me.

I'm like, yeah, whatever.

Then I went to bed

and woke up and I was like, oh,

shit.

Fucked it.

Did it get you get like a.

I got so much money from it.

You did?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's cool.

Five figures.

I'm sure they're going to hook me up.

The insurance people on this one.

Oh, yeah.

That's your next seven weeks, bro.

Just taking care of this problem.

That's the worst part of car drama is that.

Like, now you need to have the temporary car while they figure.

And then the part didn't not going to come in for another month.

It's the hassle.

Yeah.

Fuck, I hate that kind of stuff.

Such a waste of your life.

That's that's your whole life practice.

That's your fucking life when your car gets messed with.

This fucking meth addict.

Was she on drugs?

Did she seem like she was high?

No, just some dumb broad.

Just like dumb broad.

Yeah, just entitled, not concerned about someone else.

She knew she did it, and she started to go, like, she was like, no.

I go, no, no, no.

Like, I watched, I literally watched it.

Yeah.

I go, I watched you do it.

she's like I don't think so I think I think we're looking at a society that lives like this now not everybody but she knew she did it and was like I'm leaving you know yeah yeah yeah see in court bitch yeah

although I do have to say Texans are usually very

honorable and cool and especially about

especially about vehicles yeah like that's like a

church.

Like your vehicle is an extension of yourself.

Yeah.

And you extend that courtesy to people because you want it coming back your way.

Dude, when we were, I got in a hit and run, drunks.

Yeah.

Blew the red light and hit my car.

I was doing the right thing.

They were doing the wrong thing.

My children were in the car.

But thankfully, nobody was hurt.

But, you know, it fucked up the car.

Anyway, this citizen, this Texan man

saw what happened.

chased down the guys that hit and run me and brought them to me.

And was like, ma'am, I believe these are the ones that hit your car.

He rounded them up.

He did.

He rounded them the fuck up.

And I was like, this is Texas, only in Texas.

That's nice.

I was so blown away.

I sent him a thank you back.

That's beautiful.

He's our neighbor.

Nice guy.

Well, this is a little palate cleanser.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, sure.

As if the P-video wasn't.

P-video, no big deal.

Oh, oh!

Fuck, dude.

I don't want any part of that

sound like that either.

You know?

Did you used to do that stuff?

Yeah, I don't used to skateboarder.

I was a skateboarder, so I didn't have time for this nonsense.

I was destroying my body in other ways.

Did you ever get really hurt skateboarding?

Fuck yeah, all the time, dude.

I can't believe I used to do it.

Like

you're falling from the top of a half pipe all the way to the flat bottom, like nine, ten feet.

And that's not even the biggest ramps to skate.

And you're just landing on your hip.

One time I flew off the side of a half pipe and landed right on a jump ramp that was like this.

Yeah.

Took the nest T plunge right on top of this.

Like you name it, dude.

I rolled ankles.

Yeah.

Never broke any bones.

And I fucked myself up in 2020.

I fucked up my hand skateboarding and I'm like,

I made it this far.

I'm not pushing this.

This is stupid.

Yeah.

Because you can't just do it all willy-nilly once every three months.

You're going to get killed.

Yeah.

No, especially at our age.

I'm like,

I've seen

it.

You got to be like Tony Hawk.

You got to be like, he got fucked up.

I know.

Tony Hawk got fucked up.

And even the last documentary, it was like kind of a dark thing where like Stacey Perelta, his mentor, was like,

he's going to hurt himself.

Like, he's kind of got to slow down.

But Tony Hawk can't slow down because he's just got it in him.

You know, it's just one of those things.

To drive.

Yeah.

I know.

It's like the movie The Wrestling, but way better.

Sorry, Tony.

I love you.

I love you, Tony.

Keep skating.

No, he's the best.

I don't like what I'm about to say.

Oh, that's my worst nightmare.

I think about this all the time happening to me.

But then just

she can't go.

Oh, no.

Because it just keeps going.

This is my worst fear.

This is literally what I think about.

Is this her first time?

I think she's old.

I did so much better.

Even as a child.

Just steady yourself, bitch.

Grab the side.

Come on.

Get together.

Endlessly falling downstairs.

She's like, I'm almost there.

I'm hoping this is a security camera and not someone just watching.

She's just fucked.

Get up.

Or stay still, one or the other.

All right, just get to the top.

Yeah.

Just get upright, bitch.

There you go.

Yeah, she fucked up.

No, she didn't.

No!

Then she gets up there and somebody pees on her.

Oh, no.

Oh, they had to.

Someone finally stopped it.

So she fell down like 65 stairs.

My God.

Yeah.

I did the stair master for about a half an hour, you know, got some exercise.

That's the equivalent of like 10 stories.

So I always worry about it.

I fell down the Empire State Building

stairwell today.

Do you really worry about that?

Yeah, because on escalators, I'm always with my kids who like pull me back.

Oh, right.

You remember the idea?

I almost fell down the fucking stairs because my kid was pulling me.

And I'm like, dude, this is going to happen to us.

Like, you're going to pull me back, and I'm going to fall down the escalator, and it'll suck me up under the things, and then I'll be gone forever.

Yeah.

There's a lot that can go wrong with an escalator.

Oh, that was so good.

That was incredible entertainment though.

It sucks, you know, you sit down and you're right and you're right and you're right, but how can you top that?

I know.

A 70-year-old woman

just continuously falling.

What if you live your whole life and you're a great person?

You've done all these things.

You've

raised a family and then like, this is your moment.

This is your moment.

This is your viral moment.

You're old.

You're out of touch.

You don't even know how to do an escalator.

Her grandkids love love this, by the way.

They're for sure.

Granny.

Can I see the beginning, the genesis of the fall?

Yeah, sure.

How does this start?

She's got

great,

but she was holding on really.

And she's leaning back.

See, she's leaning back.

That's the problem.

Yeah, she's leaning back.

That hurt right there.

That was really fucked up.

That's the problem.

She hurt herself.

She's fucked up right there.

And she's like, well, at least that's over.

Yeah.

It's so slow.

Oh, someone is filming this.

See how it went sideways?

I think you might.

But it looks fixed.

Yeah, you're right.

Oh, yeah, you can see the time.

I'm almost out.

Oh, I'm down.

Oh, it's the guy in the security rooms watching it, having a good time.

He's like eating a sandwich.

She's like, I can't kick.

He's like, should I press the button to stop it?

Roy, you got to check this out, man.

Look at her.

Oh, she's.

Dude,

she's on to something though.

Stop.

Just get right side.

You're there?

You're there.

You got it.

You got it.

You got it.

You got it.

Oh,

that one right there.

Let go of the purse.

Lose the purse.

That's the problem.

She was trying to hold the purse.

And then what's your reward?

You get to go to Target after this?

We think the head's got to be fucked up.

It's the head first.

Everything.

Yeah, that's the most important thing.

She fell on her neck, probably, and that stunned her.

And then it was like she's disoriented.

But then, yeah.

Doesn't part of you want to just go, are you stupid?

Yes, she is stupid.

You don't know how to fucking ride this thing?

She's missing some serious instincts that it requires to be a human being.

Yeah, how is she?

Because theoretically, it's easier than shit.

She got on, too, tells me that's like, is this your first escalator?

Both hands, and she's leaning back.

She's holding onto it like this.

Yeah.

Like,

that's not.

She's leaning back.

She's leaning back.

Yeah.

That's stupid.

I had no idea, you know, this type of thing needs instructions, but clearly, some people could take a class.

She deserves this, is what you're saying.

That's what I'm trying to say, yeah.

Oh, shit.

This stuff.

You see the guy in the foreground

on the left here?

Yeah.

Watch his body.

Watch the way he reacts to that.

He's like,

I mean,

all those bones are broken, right?

Yeah.

That's paralyzed.

You're back.

I mean, it's your back, you know?

You're done.

It's strong, but

you're done.

That's how you do it.

Yeah.

That's how you do it.

Well, that's how you quit gymnastics.

That's how you do it.

Yeah, right.

Force quit.

Right.

No, you're done.

Which you have to quit gymnastics pretty early anyway.

Oh, shit.

Let me guess.

Animal's going to run in.

I feel like an animal's coming.

She's okay.

Are we watching a terrorist attack right now?

Is this Hamas or whatever?

She just had a leaky gas line, I think.

Oh, okay.

This is terrible.

Oh, ha ha.

Tom, you got real mental problems.

You guys are fucking with that.

That's terrible.

Well, you know what?

You got to get your gas lines checked, and that's what this whole episode has been about.

Okay.

You guys got to pay attention to how your gas lines are lined up.

Details at fullcharge.com.

There you go.

Is anybody laughing at that clip?

I mean, is that.

I believe

Josh did.

Well, that counts for something.

Yeah.

That's like a percentage here.

He liked it.

Serious percentage.

All right.

That was, I mean, just one more time.

No,

no,

we can't leave on this.

Make all the dinner for my family.

Can we watch the P video again?

Yeah, I mean, you can't leave the audience on a woman getting blown up in her own.

She's fine.

This is not fine, babe.

I can't leave the show on this.

If it starts with Hitler, it ends with terrorism.

Yeah.

This episode is so dark.

Okay.

Where are we?

Let me find you something.

To all the other countries that wonder and say that Americans are just fat and lazy and they don't do anything to better themselves.

This is what $115 gets you.

Let me show you.

We were able to get some Ritz crackers, one thing of cereal, some ramen, more ramen, tuna, bag of potatoes, super avocados, some snacks, desserts.

No, those aren't tuna.

Some bags of chips, ice onions, pizza rolls.

Britos, pizza rolls, some sausage biscuits,

one thing of Dr.

Pepper.

One thing.

All of this

for

$115.

I can get a crack rock for $50.

Am I supposed to buy it?

Am I inclined to buy it?

She's like, this is why we're fat?

Yeah.

That's her point.

She's saying it's too easy to be fat, so you got to be fat, is what she just said.

It's a compelling argument.

Yeah, yeah.

It is a good argument.

It's so easy.

And $113 is still

kind of a lot for all that shitty food.

Like, none of it even look good.

No, she's picking the wrong things.

Yeah, like, where's your puffy Cheetos?

Where's the cheese puffs?

Well, everyone has different preferences.

Pop tarts.

I would get tarts.

You'll like this.

I got them.

Where's your thing of diet cooking?

This will make you happy on the way.

Dr.

Pepper, I like it.

Here we go.

You can't wait for me to go to work because

I need my me time.

What does that me time mean?

What does that mean?

You know.

You know.

No, I don't know.

Yeah, you do know.

Tell me, I don't know.

Are you telling me that?

You thought this would cheer me up?

Oh, are you jacking off?

Mom!

Oh, fuck.

This is mom.

I wonder if he keeps the crucifix necklace on.

That did not cheer me up.

Why?

How cute.

I thought it was light, cute, fun.

Everybody wins.

She has a job.

He gets to jerk off.

Yeah, come on.

It's a happy ending.

How do you not like that?

Why not?

How do you not like that?

That makes the American dream possible.

We will fight hard, fight hard for the freedom to vote.

God damn it.

That's what I'm talking about.

Now you got it.

Now you got it.

We will fart hard.

Fight hard.

Fart hard.

I got to vote for this guy.

Who is this guy like this?

Make sure you go see Matt Fulstra on the Full Charge on the Bro Adjason tour at tickets or at the fullcharge.com.

Of course, we also let you know that YMH Live is back on Friday, March 7 at 7:30 p.m.

Central Time.

It's our biggest YMH live yet.

Special guest Dan Soder is joining us, and there's a $10,000 giveaway.

Go to YMHSudios.com for more information and get your tickets.

And fart hard.

And fart hard.

And this nation will never not fart hard for our freedom.

That's it.

Thank you, Matt, for coming.

Guys, thank you so much.

Always great to see you.

Thank you for having me.

You guys are the best.

Let's find that car that hit me.

All right, we'll see you guys later.

So much to do.

Do we have any Asians in here?

I know I'm white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white,

white, white, ice by the ice night eyes

night ice by the eyes night ice

the eyes night ice by the ice night

you

I know I'm wise the eyes of night that I should find the eyes of night

the bicep night by

the eyes of night that I should

like to buy some fine eyes at night that I should

like to buy some fine

you