Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

With the power and endurance of Toyota Trucks, you can go to the most incredible places, like this valley, where the echo does different voices. Hello, hello, hello, hello.

We know what we're made of, Toyota trucks.

Tommy,

Tommy,

Tommy.

Tommy. Yeah.
Tommy.

Tommy.

Yeah.

Would you marry your dad?

Just like, just like. Just like the gays.

Just like, just like. Just like the gays.

Just like the gays.

Just like, just like. Just like the gays.

Tommy.

Would you marry your son?

Uh yes, of course. My God, I wish I could.
Tommy, would you marry your dad?

Oh yeah. Yeah, of course I would do it.

Christina, would you marry your son? Oh my god. Yeah.
Yeah.

Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course. I live for this kind of shit.
Yeah.

Just like, just

like the gays.

Just like

the gays. I feel good now.
Just like you got it.

Just like the gays. Just like, just like.

Would you marry your mom? No.

Come on. I think I'd marry my dad.

Yeah, would you marry your mom?

I don't know. Please, no.

Would you marry your dad? Yeah. Of course.

For sure. Yes.

Yeah. I really would.

Like, just

like the gays.

Like, just

like the gays.

Like, just

like the gays.

This is so good.

Would you marry your dad?

It's an appropriate song for some of the subjects today. Man.
Man, today's going to be just rocking. We're on fire.
We're rolling. There's so much to get into.

There's so many interesting stories that some might not even expect that are going to be discussed today. Some revelations, things revealed in the world.
I'm so excited.

The third apocalypse, the third eagle of the apocalypse. Satanic.
Revelations. Isn't his show, something like that? Yeah, the third eagle of the apocalypse.
William Tapley

often talks about it. Vote for the Donald.
He is a man.

Yeah. Throw an eagle.
Yeah. And he's always in front of those birds.
So upsetting that he won't reach out to us. I know.
It's like

we support him. We support his platform.
We're all about his stuff. I wish he'd fucking get it.

I love you. I miss you.
You've been gone for so long.

Yeah.

What? No, I know what you're doing. You're thinking.
You're thinking about something else? Yeah, I was just looking at something on the board there.

Oh.

Yeah, it's been very busy. You have a very busy time.
A week.

Now you're back. Now I'm back.
Before that, we went to

Polly. I'm by.

We went to Sedona for a little getaway to get away from our children. That was awesome.

That was amazing. Sedona is a beautiful place.
It is a high-vibration place. The aliens, there are vortexes.
I visited a vortex alone. You did not join me, but that's okay.

And we went on a spiritual journey. It was a spiritual journey.
And

we even experienced a sound bath.

I enjoyed the sound bath. Did you? This was your first one.
I loved it. You did.
I really did. Did you go on a journey in your mind? Actually, yes.

Tell me where you went. Can you share with us? No, but what I'll say is that I'll say what I told the sound bath lady, Echo, is that

she was like, you know, just let yourself go where it goes. And I went everywhere.

You go into space? I went into space, but I mean, I had thoughts, like, there was times I was thinking about our kids, thought about you, friends, feelings.

Like, it was a real visual kind of journey that I let the sound kind of guide me. What did you think about us? Were you like, how do I murder? How do I kill? How do I conceal the bodies? No.

Because I feel like that's a reprieve from what normally goes on in your brain, which is, I mean, yesterday I was watching the new Bridget Jones movie. Yeah.

And you came in and you were like, that's chick stuff. And I'm like,

how did I say it? This stupid ass

chick stuff. Yeah, and um, and you were disappointed because there's no murder.
Yeah, I was like, who gets killed in this? And you were like, Nothing, nobody.

I was like, Oh, I don't want to watch this. Yeah, it's like, like, what goes on in your mind all day is what goes on in there.

So, as a sound bath must have been a pretty crazy thing for you, it was enjoyable, though. I really enjoyed it.
Yeah, it was like the, I don't know, it probably, how long will it last?

30 minutes, something like that? Maybe an hour. Okay, it's probably the only hour I didn't think about death

in a long time. Yeah.

You know what I liked? Is she had, so I don't know if you've ever done a sound bath people here, but it was fucking cool. It's so fun because they have different

sounds. Like one is like a rain.
So see that

if you scroll up there, that second lady with, so it's sort of like that setup. She had all these types of instruments, right? Objects that would make chimes.

And then you lay down, you cover your eyes, which I'm a big fan of. I love eye covers.

And

you're comfortable. Yeah.
And then sounds begin. Well, hold on.
Echo told us, that was our lady, our sound guide. She before

notified us that she would be calling in, remember this, spirits from other dimensions to assist us on our journey. And I was like, well, hold on.
I didn't authorize that kind of stuff.

The interesting thing is some of those spirits sort of sounded like Mexican kitchen workers that were in the room next door. I was like, wow, are the sound spirits named Jose and Maria?

Well, that was the fatal flaw of our sound bath: it took place in a conference room in a hotel. And every now and then, somebody would open the door.
Open the door. Oh, esoteric.
He said, oh, okay.

I closed the door.

And we were like, oh, okay.

Kind of took us out of the moment and the dream. But then I would lose myself in it again.
Yeah. It's easy to get back in.
And I like the sounds. They sound like little twinkles, like twinkle.

And then she walks around you. Yeah, so you would also get real loud.
Doom, doom, doom.

Whoa. And then you'd hear it fade to the next person.
Yeah. And then I was so worried you would fart because

it's at a higher altitude, Sedona. And we all had altitude farts.

But somebody was kind of the leader in that department. Do you remember who that was? Is it me? That was you.
Thank you. Yeah.

Tell us. Tell.
Well, I like that you're supportive of my support. I wouldn't call it support.
it was

probably the boldest thing that I don't even know if you were aware that you did it because it was so offensive

that somebody was outdoors reading a book by a fire pit clearly in just the most relaxed enjoyable state. This woman

was

happy. She was at peace.
She's reading outside. The climate was cool, but

it was nice, the fire, and she's reading a book and you walked right next to her and farted in her face you farted in her face and your ass was at her face level

and you just were like hope you're enjoying the book

like right in her face basically and that she was just went like did she really do yeah of course she was like that's your interpretation of what happened for me it was just i was trying to impress you trying to get on your level did you notice her before you did that no yeah did not not.

Don't care. It's my vacation.
This was my time in Sedona. I was connecting with higher vibrations.
Vibrations are what she felt, too.

I didn't know, and I honestly did not know that I farted on a woman. It was, it merited an apology, just so you know.
Really? Absolutely. I did not, I didn't know.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Excuse me.
Yeah.

Oh, gosh. Now I feel bad.
Yeah, well, yeah. I did not know that.
I really didn't know that. You farted in her face.

Yeah.

She, her whole week got ruined. Yeah.

What did she look like?

Oh, yeah. This is not my fault.
Thank you for bringing this up, Josh.

He just googled that gas and bloating at high altitudes are common and can be caused by a number of factors, including lower air pressure, trapped gas, and swallowing air.

It's not my fault, is what I think Josh Zolo is trying to say. Thank you so much for being on this.
I mean, you pushed it out. It wasn't like, oh, how did this happen? You know, you pushed it out.

I wanted to impress you. What's so bad about wanting your spouse's approval? That's our love language, buddy.
That's true. That is true.

I really enjoyed Sedona. I like that you and I did that.
And then you went on a little bit of a psychedelic journey. I did a little extra journey.

I met a cool local named Sage. And they have the coolest names there, Echo, Sage.

And I smoked DMT with him.

What? Just a stranger at the place we were staying at. But that's Sedona.
Yeah.

And I got to say, visual journey. Tell me about it because I've never done that.
I've never done that.

i was scared as and i was scared too and he was like no dude you're not it's because i was just thinking i always compare like something like that anything that's presented to me like mushrooms um i was uh um or like ayahuasca anything like i always think of edibles and i'm like

man you know how a strong edible will

like wreck you yeah dude so i was like that's all i keep going that's my for whatever reason that's my reference point i was like i was like oh man because people talk about like breakthroughs and, you know, these journeys.

I'm like, is this going to be like a

fucking 200 milligram edible?

He kept saying no, but like, also, like, yeah, but, but prepare yourself. You know, I was like, all right.
And I, I, I was worried about it. And

I was like, fuck. And so we sat by this fire pit.
There was no one farting, and we just sat there. What's the point? I know.

And then he, I guess, DMT, pure DMT, has a lower burning point. What does that mean?

That

like the you don't need high flame for it to. Yo, I didn't even know you light it like crack.

I mean, I didn't think of crack. I thought.

How do you take it? It's like a pipe? Yeah, I put it in a pipe. Oh, my God, dude.
Like opium or fucking crack?

Yeah, so he was like, you know, you ever smoked crack? And I was like, yeah.

Who hasn't? And so what they do is they put the DMT in

they pack it around weed so that the weed kind of

finds it.

What does the DMT look like? Is it sticky like opium?

White.

Yeah, like crack.

The crack. Yeah.
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There it is. What? What is DMT?

I don't even know what that is. It's just like cool crack.
Okay, so it's sprinkled in with pot so that you get... See, the pot alone would make me crazy.
Can you do it purely without?

I guess you can, but I think it burns easier if you have the. That's what I was told.
All right. I'm not the one.
I was too scared to touch it. I know.

You were like, do you want to go into the forest with this guy I met? Yeah. Do DMT?

No, I don't. They got DMT pens pens now.
Yeah, they got DMT pens.

I'm scared.

I've never, yeah. This is my first time.
So I've been offered the pens before. I haven't done it.
But anyway,

he was like, you know, he's like, get naked. And I was like, okay.

And he's like, you know, I'll sit on your lap. This will make you relax.

So once we got

just kind of like, but no, totally not sexual, actually. Just like

perennial, like you just rub each other's prostate and you're like, all right, I'm ready. I'm ready.

And then

just Will Blunderfell there? No, no, no, no, not like that. But then, so we kiss a little bit, and then he gives me the pipe.
And

wait, his name is Sage. Yeah, he goes,

take three hits. Three hits.
Yeah, he goes, the first, after the second one, you're not going to want the third one, but you need the third one. That's what he says.
But you need it.

You're not going to want it, but you need it. Yeah, I was like, okay.
So I pulled the first one. He was like, ooh, that's a good pull.
And then I was like, like gosh

second one he's like and now the third do that third dang okay and i did the third and um

yeah you go i just like i felt like something was like holding you down in the seat like i couldn't really move sounds terrible and you were you were in a chair yeah and so you're you're like okay so you're like you go back in your chair like heroin kind of and you're like and you feel heavy yeah kind of yeah yeah kind of heavy in the head head and and I couldn't open my eyes

did that scare you no because the visuals were started to become like really in your brain like you're popping in your brain yeah you're seeing like neurons and stuff all kinds of shapes and colors and

you know I saw a bunch of like I saw this red caterpillar that had like fire going around you're not telling me telling

I swear a caterpillar yeah a red one like Alice in Wonderland like fire red yeah that's tight yeah and things were like moving and then bones that were turning in circles.

And then I was like really enjoying it. And then one time he was, uh, oh, we did it a second time.
So then he was like, I don't know if you really got the full thing, let's do it again.

So we did it a second time, and he put more in there. And then on the second time, I was really like, whoa, seeing all this shit.

And then he goes, wait, after I was over, he's like, what'd you see there? I go, why? He goes, you went like this.

I was like, oh, watching you? Yeah, he was watching.

He goes, I go, there's a blue dragon that kept like trying to bite. He goes, yeah, because you went.

And then the next day when I saw him walk around, he went.

Did he cup your balls to comfort you? Yeah, he was just like, come in my hand.

That's what I did. Because he gave you drugs that floored you, and then he was watching you fry, like watching you take a journey.
Yeah. That doesn't sound remote.
Well, he was jacking off.

Shit, we haven't even opened the show. Hold on.
I've got so many more questions. Well, those are the end of your questions.
Here we go. Let's open the show.

I'm outside Victoria's Secret.

The secret is that I just took a diarrhea in the dressing room because I ate too much orange chicken

at the Panda Express. So good.

I get it.

I love that entree.

Welcome to your mom's house. We've come Segura to Subsura and Christina Puzhits and Christina Pajits.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Mow, meow, mow, meow, mom, now,

now, now, now, now, now,

now, now, now,

chop, chop, chop, chop, cha-cha.

Bam. I didn't even tell you what happened to me in my vortex.
Yeah. Did I? So I went to a vortex.
In Sedona.

It's a spiritual location in Sedona where you get downloads and, you know, your high vibrations.

And I didn't get any. But I got to see a bird fly at like my eye level, bro.
Like a fucking black crow. It was like chilling like right there.
And I was like, oh, that was worth it. That was worth it.

Have you ever seen a fucking crow fly like right at your fucking eye level?

Yeah, dude. You know what I'm saying? I was too scared to do the drugs, but I tripped out on a fucking bird and bro.
It was like talking to me. He was all, he's all, let go, bitch.
I asked Sage for

more DMT.

No,

I'm not digging that stuff. Yeah, I was like, send some, bro.

Because you know what? I've done LSD in my formative years. Yeah.
I don't know why I'm whispering. I don't know either.
But

I don't need to see stuff anymore. Okay.
That's fine. But that's, I'm happy for you.
Yeah, I enjoyed it. Did you learn anything?

No, it was just like it was a nice, but it was a good experience. Yeah.
I enjoyed it. Yeah, it was the opposite of scary.
That's nice. Yeah.
That is nice. It wasn't scary.
Okay.

Okay. So this, this, I have so many thoughts about this opening clip.
Yeah. I mean, first of all, orange chicken at Piana Express.
The secret is that I just took a diarrhea.

That's Victoria's secret.

I understand she's in a mall, clearly. She went to the food court.
Yeah. Get it.
Why not find a toilet? I've had diarrhea in the mall here at the domain.

One time I was at Free People and I felt diarrhea coming on. You know what I did? Yeah.
I left and I looked for a toilet and I found one. Yeah.
Malls have toilets.

So my question is, was she trying on a thong?

I don't think so.

I'm looking, I don't think it was a thong. I don't don't think she's trying on stuff at Victoria's Secret.
I think she went in there just to shit in the dressing room. Shut the front door.

I mean, look at it. Who does that? Her?

Do you think that lays above shitting where she shouldn't shit? But then is she shitting in her pants? No, no, no. She's pulling down her pants and then going into the room.

She went from Panda Express to Victoria's Secret, first of all. This woman's a fucking menace.

Hey, what's wrong with those? What's wrong? What do you mean? That's not the two-stop way to do things. Oh.
Panda Express, then go, I'm going to go to the lingerie store. I don't think so.

You should flip the order. Yeah.
You buy your lingerie first. First, and then you fill up with diarrhea food.
Yeah. Panda Express is so goddamn good, though.
Sure. That orange chicken.

No one's mad at that. God damn.
But she's gnarly.

That's the secret.

She has nice hair, Tom. She has nice hair.
She has nice hair. Have you ever sat in a

dressing room? No. I haven't either.

By the way, you want to do like a little vibe shift real quick? Of course. Okay.
I'm just here.

something to like shift you into a drink.

There we go. Here we go.

Oh, yes.

He's drinking Joe, too.

Wow.

Oh, my God. How long can he sustain that? I don't know.
How do you do this?

Oof.

So crazy. So I looked this up.
Yeah.

Because I don't know what's happening. Sure.
It's throat whistling. But I've never even heard.
Because whistling, typically you see people with their lips, right? Like the sound.

He can whistle from here. I don't even understand it.
I don't understand it either. What a skill.
I don't understand how it happens. I don't either.
And how he manipulates. I mean, how he manipulates.

Well, that's how he calibrates the sound. Right, but how does it even start, you know?

I was a blues man when this shit came out.

Rock and roll was so fucked up back then. Right.

Whoa.

Oh, I love the song. Guns and Ross.

Oh, wow.

Holy sh. I would pay

to see him do a concert of all my favorite songs. I bet you can.
You think he could cover Bauhaus or The Cure?

Oh, wow.

I wish you would do Bella Lagos who's dead. That's a long one.
Okay, here's what it says online. To whistle with your throat, also called throat whistling, you essentially

create a constriction in your throat by manipulating your vocal cords while directing a stream of air through a specific mouth position, usually with a slightly open mouth and a flattened tongue near the bottom teeth, allowing the air to vibrate and produce a whistling sound.

This technique requires practice and precise control of your throat muscles and tug placement. And now, everybody, let's all see everybody try to throat whistle.

You try it, Tom.

Nobody.

Anyway,

give it a shot. Just try.

No.

It ain't there, bro. What the fuck? I don't know how you do that.
Yeah, I mean, this guy,

when you talk about unique talents for real,

there's nobody that can do a throat whistle. I've never even met a throat whistle.
Neither have I. None of my friends have ever been like, hey, you want to see some shit? No.

And dropped the throat whistle. Nobody.
I mean, I've had friends that can do the two fingers.

That is awesome when people do that. Yeah.
And it sounds like. I feel like Bert can do that.
Doesn't Bert do that? Or he goes like that? She's like he does that.

Bert

Kirshner?

Doesn't he do that?

What's up, everybody, man? We are sitting here in the nola, the big easy

at Super Bowl 59, man. The biggest event in America.
Sitting right next to Burt Kershaw.

I can't pronounce the last name, Bert. Burt Kreiser.
Bert Kreisler.

Burt Kershar.

Just, he can't win. That bitch

is fucking 15 years old now, and nobody's ever caught him.

Burt Kershire. That's a new one.
We've heard so many variations. Kershire.
Burt Kershire.

Nobody can get it. And look at his face.
Bert's like, yeah.

Here we go.

At the Super Bowl. I love that part of his head goes, I thought it was famous enough for someone to get it right.
It's amazing.

Burt Kershar.

Oh, fuck. That's why I changed my last name from Pozinski to P.
That was a good call. By the way, buy my lipstick, Christinapea.com.
You should get all four colors at the same time.

I'm wearing Berlin today. That's the darkest.
Perfect red, atomic red, Madison Berlin. Someone came up to me this weekend.
Yes. Goes,

I never wear a red lipstick. And I go, okay.
And she goes, I bought Christina's. She goes, that's the only red that I've ever worn.
She goes, I love it. Because it's the perfect one.
It is perfect.

It's not too chalky. It's not too runny.
It lasts just the right amount of time in my estimation. So try it out.
ChristinaP.com. Try it out.
Try it out.

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um

what else i'm gonna say to you burkershoner

oh fuck i forget there is this fart thing that you might like yeah that maybe i always like fart things why should you never hold in a fart

You know, a fart is a gas. You know, it's a chemical.
It's a bunch of chemicals.

And when you hold in a fart, there's a percentage of that fart vapor, which will diffuse through the walls of the colon, through the walls of the intestine,

and eventually it will go to your bloodstream. Oh, shit.
All the blood circulates and eventually goes to the lungs. where the waste products are then exhaled out.

So there's a tiny percentage of your fart, which if you hold it in, will go to your bloodstream, go to the lungs, and then be exhaled out. So you will have to breathe it.

You're going to breathe it instead of farting it if you don't fart it. You will exhale fart.
So you will literally breathe out fart fumes if you hold it in.

It's physiology. It's science.
Science, baby. This is what we're here for.

That is horrifying. Yeah, so you did that lady a favor.
I did her a big favorite. Do you know that there's couples? By the way, that's Chris.
Yeah.

And I did his podcast, if you don't know, it's called Modern Wisdom. Yes.
I just did it a couple weeks ago. Very sweet.
I've met him at the mothership. Really nice guy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Super sweet.

There's couples that don't fart in front of each other and couples that hold in farts for years and years. Can you imagine? I know.

Or I've heard of that because I've heard people go, oh, when you meet somebody, I go, well, what do you do? And they're like, well, you know, you excuse yourself or you leave.

I'm like, what if you have like a bunch of farts? You just keep, get up, and you leave over and over.

It's kind of weird, right? It just seems like a hard way to live your entire life with another person. Excuse me.
Oh, Ennie's one of these.

Don't you have like you have a policy, right? A girl can't fart in front of you? No, no, I didn't say that.

I thought you told me before that like you were completely against a girl ever farting in front of you. No, there was a time that a girl burped in my face and I almost broke up with her.

So I was like, that shit ain't funny. But no, I don't care about farts.
Also, that thing with the breathing shit don't make sense because how you going to not breathe in the fart when you fart?

You already breathing it in, nigga. What do you mean? Wait, what do you mean? Wow.
So what are you saying? What you're saying is if you fart, if you fart, you're already breathing it. Oh, wow.

So you're afraid of

a partial breathing of fart that you didn't fart. Oh, my God.
That's a no-win situation. You breathe in it regardless.
Well, look, you may as well enjoy the sound that the fart makes and laugh.

Why not have a laugh at the same time as you're breathing in farts? Oh, speaking of farts, Tom, I remember you were hyped about

the fart walk, right? Long time? Yes, yes. He can fart.
He goes

as you walk, right? I was wondering if you've, if you've, the other day, I experienced, I think, the optimal fart walk. What's that? It's a fart walk downstairs.
Oh,

as you go down the stairs. Yo.
Because as you go down,

you got to spread it for, it spreads your cheeks further as you go on the next step. Yo.
Because it gets real musical. Yeah.
Yeah. The pitch changes more than a flat crossed fart walk.
Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think I've had one. I don't know if I've had one.
Oh, no. I've done that.
Yeah. The fart stair walk.
The fart stair walk is cool. Wow.
I don't think I could relax enough to do that.

Sometimes, too, if you go on, if you jog. Oh, yeah.
So it's more of a fart jog. Sure.
Also, the movement is a little more than a walk stride. So you'll hear different pitches.

It's pretty cool. Yeah.

That's really cool, Tom.

It's very cool. It's Black History Month.

Oh, any congratulations. Oh, yeah.
Congrats. Thanks, guys.

In honor of you, our black brothers and sisters, we bring you this gift. Oh, right.
Trust black women, A, lead the way.

White women, stop abandoning your sisters.

Trust black women, they lead the way.

Oh, we're mad as hell.

Oh, can't you tell? Can't you tell? Oh, we're mad as hell. Can't you tell?

We descended you fucking fashion. Okay.

So cool. That's a great, that's in the Castro, it looks like.
Queering out the women. They were queering out the dudes.
Yeah.

Hitler burned queer books.

You know, this comes right off the tail of

black and indigenous, Creole and Romani.

do I sound like her dude yes I've been I've been listening to it on a roll sounds like it yeah

African Americans Puerto Rican and not the Jews because nobody likes them what that's I everybody else is included

Creole Creole

Romani Creole before Hitler got on meth he was a guy to go fishing with that's what I'm saying

that's the craziest sentence I've ever heard before Hitler got on map. You know what it sounds like? That sounds like Stevie.
Yeah. Old Stevie.
It's exactly cats fish and bash loves frogs. I'm smart.

I know what's to do. Yeah.
He sounds just like Stevie. That's true.
Wow. Yeah.

Wow.

This is a powerful song. We got to learn.
Yeah, this one's really cool. Follow your black sisters.
Yeah, that is. It's funny.
It's always white ladies taking up this cause.

They always take up everybody else's cause. The white ladies, huh? Yeah.
These fucking ladies, these broads. Do you think these broads fuck? Oh, here we go.
Black and indigenous, people of color,

black and indigenous, people of color,

lesbian, gay, by transgender, and queer. Yep, lesbian, gay, by transgender, queer,

Asian, American, Pacific Islander. Oh, Pacific Islanders, we have a lot of people.

Asian American, Pacific Islander, Latino, Hispanic, Romani, Romani, Creole, Latino, Hispanic, Hispanic, Romani, Hispanic,

why don't you skip regular Asians? Just Asian Americans.

She didn't say black, did she? Yeah,

just African. We all

have a place

in this world. There was no Jewish mention, though.
That is interesting. She mentioned everything.
Oh, my! I felt that anti-Semitism.

I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy.

That's kind of strange to list everybody. She didn't list the Jews.
Yeah. Or Palestinians.

Did she list Muslims? I didn't hear that. Wow.
She did not, Tom. It's actually

a very not inclusive song. Wow.
You specifically left out two very big groups. Big, small groups.
Right. Yeah.

She's so full of hate. But she made it all about the gays.
It says about the gays. The first part of the song is just about the gays.
And then she goes into the people of color. Shameless.

But then she lumps in Creole with Latin and Hispanic. Wait, hold on.
Latin and Hispanic aren't the same? Aren't you guys all the same?

No.

What's the difference between Latin and Hispanic? Well, here's a little geography lesson for you. Latin encompasses Latin America, which is basically what you know as...

Not this America, I'll tell you you that. So, like, kind of further down south.
Sure. And Hispanic would be Hispanola, like Spain.
Oh, I didn't know that. Spanish people are Hispanic.

I didn't know that. I just lumped you guys all in.
Speaking your fucking dirty whatever. Hispanics are not Latin.
Not European is what I call it. Okay.

Yeah.

Well, there's Christina for you guys. She did not include.

She didn't include my people. She supported it.
Slovakian, Romanian. There's a lot of people she left.
Bulgarians. Come on, man.
She's full of of hate.

People are saying, by the way, speaking of Latins. Yeah.
People are saying this is Charo at Disney. Have you seen this? That's her.

Nightmare. That's me.

Do you like that picture?

Sit they don't outside.

Is that Charo?

No.

Your mom's away classier. I'd like to say something.
I'm going to, and

I'm I'm not a Disney adult by any stretch. No.
Is this Disneyland? This appears to be Disneyland, correct? Not Disney World. I think so.

I mean, last time we were at Disneyland, I felt that it wasn't indicative of a real classy Disney experience. Like,

these work, the people they're hiring now are not upholding the Disney brand. They're being rude.
They're being like too casual. Welcome to the fucking new world, dude.
This is everything.

I don't like it. This is everything after COVID, honestly.
You think, what is that? It's just like they can't find people or like normal people. Yeah.
This is disgusting.

Imagine you're fucking kidding. They're working everywhere now.
You get these. I'm serious.
Every fucking service person is dog shit now. They're the worst.
Yeah. And I'm talking to you.

If you have a job like that, you suck. Tom.
No.

They're not all sucks. They're all fucking losers.
No. Yeah, they are.

Yeah, they are. You guys are the worst.

Disneyland workers who flick their tongues out at you. No, they suck.
She doesn't get included.

No, because when we took our boys to Disney last year, I noticed that, that the staffers are, they're not like upholding the Disney vibe anymore. Yeah.
That's terrible. No, it's not the same.

It's not the same. But I was making the comment more seriously about the service industry.
It is, it's totally honest now. Stop.
It hasn't bounced back. Definitely not.
You don't feel that anymore.

Any type of like go to restaurants, hotels, airlines, every place that like there's. Well, airlines are always atrocious, but it's worse.
It's all worse. It's way worse.

Airlines are garbage. Hotels are worse.
Yeah. Restaurants are worse.
Because I don't leave the house as much anymore. Because people

left who had some of these jobs and they replaced it with the fucking B squad, actually, like the C squad. Yeah.
So that's that's who has the job now. Yeah.
Yeah. It sucks.

Um, we had a waiter, um, you remember the waiter

in Sedona who, like,

how do I describe what it was like?

It was like too much. And he had like rehearsed.
He had bits. He had bits.
I hate the bits. I hate the...
I've been a server at a high-end

French restaurant. I've been a server.
I've been a cocktail waitress. I've worked at many levels.

Yes. And there's a way to give service to people where it's not disingenuous.
Like, hey,

I could tell you didn't like that a bunch.

Or like,

he had stock lines for everything. I hated it.
As somebody that makes fun of people all the time, I can't mock those people in front of them. Do you know what I mean? Well, that's mean, yeah.

I don't, yeah. Is it like just a nice thing that I'm doing? Yes, because I can't, I sympathize with, and I, and I just go along and I, I never mock them.
Um,

that guy,

man, it starts with uh

just like the approach to the table. He goes, Oh, my God.
Hey, um, like, yeah, it's too much.

Jeff will be taking care of you guys tonight where we am from where where's everybody coming from right away i'm like oh shit but i still go i don't mock them i go i'm coming from austin

austin longhorns and you're like yeah

and he's like what are we celebrating whenever everybody tells me what are we celebrating i always just go dinner yeah i don't know we're just here guys

it's fucking hula hands it's there's not to be a celebration

birthdays anniversary of special occasion i'm like just dinner it's evening we haven't eaten dinner yet and then he's like, okay, all right.

And then

he just runs through his bits.

And

I got a little special something here off the menu.

Then he does like, oh, yeah, there's like a seafood thing. He's like, but it's not local because there's no ocean.
And you're like, no, I know. We got the bit.
He's like,

flew it in, but I promise.

Didn't come in last week.

And then he starts laughing at all his stuff. And I'm like, and you have to go like

because there's no ocean.

No, I know. But

I can't mock him. He's like Colin Robinson,

the emotional vampire for what we do in the shadows. Like they, waiters can drain you of your life supply.
Yeah, yeah.

And he was, and I'll tell you something, as someone that's been a waitress, he's a career waiter, though. He is, and he provides excellent service.
We'll say like

the level of service was great. Like he totally did his job.

But I think when you become the main character in someone's dinner you're also robbing that table of them just having an experience at a restaurant because now you're like the life of the party they don't need you to be the life of the party you're just there to bring their food he's doing his best that's that's the other thing i know but as like i said like he doesn't need to every and every five seconds you're like pardon my reach like it's fine you don't need to pardon the reach just get the cup out of my fucking life okay and then they give 500 plates for one thing you know what i mean like just fucking, it's okay.

You don't have to come every two. Everything, okay, I have everything tasting.
Like, just shut the fuck up. Don't worry.
Are you still good? You still good. Yeah, I'm fucking still good.

I'll let you know.

It's too much serving. And what I learned in a French restaurant when I worked at a French restaurant, you know what they teach you in a French restaurant?

Is that when you're not bringing food to tables or waiting, you just stand in the room. You stand up against the wall with your hands, you know.
Yeah.

And if they need you, they call you. You read people, right? You read body language.
Yeah, you're just looking, you just look. That's because you know what that takes, though.

Because I learned this about, I learned this from, so Acme Comedy Club is one of the best comedy clubs in the country.

So for people that don't know how the way, the way most comedy clubs work is you're on stage, right? You're performing. Everybody has ordered, everyone knows about two drink minimum, right?

And then this thing that all comedians get to know, the check drop. Yeah.
What that means is usually like 45 minutes into the headliner set,

every server will drop the check for the people to pay before the show ends. And it always destroys the momentum of what you're doing on stage.
That's the worst. But most comedy clubs don't care.

They're just like, who cares? Time to get that money. So you're on stage, you're like in the middle of, let's say, like your best, most well-structured bit.
It's a closer because you're working on it.

Yeah, you're working towards your closer. And then they're just like, you got it.
Well, you got to pay. Is that a visa? We don't take American, like, like, you're like, cool.

And then you just deal with it, right?

So you just, what ended up happening is as a seasoned comedian, you start to learn that, like, if that check drop happens, pivot to something that doesn't need their focus because they can't focus while they're paying their bill.

So anyway, like, the first time I did Acme,

I was, I remember I got off stage and I was like,

I was like, man, everybody paid attention. I was like,

what's that? Is there no check drop here? And they're like, oh, no, there is. And I'm like, wait a minute.
I didn't notice though. Yeah.
And they go, oh, no.

We give people their checks throughout the show depending on their pattern of ordering and consuming. And I was like, there you go.

So what they're doing is, let's say somebody has a beer and then their second one, they're nursing it. Right.
And it's 20 minutes into the show.

They will just quietly put the bill there and they go, this person's not going to be consuming.

Somebody else, let's say, orders a bucket of beers.

They go, well, that's all they're gonna order. Yeah.
So then they give them their bill. Yeah.
18 minutes in.

So it's staggered so that like when that 45 minute, 50 minute time comes, there's not a massive drop. They are just,

and I was like, oh, but what it takes is like thought nuance and train. And they train the servers.
They go, watch the person. Yeah.
Like watch how they do it and then drop it at the appropriate time.

Right. Because let's say, God forbid, the guy with a six bucket of beers wants more alcohol.
Great. reopen the check.
Yeah, do it again.

And then I'd rather take the time as a server to reopen a check in the middle of the show versus at the very end of the night having a stack of fucking you have to close out everybody's bill.

And then it's a lot of work. And then there's always like, well, how does the person respond to the bill? Sort of like this guy, you know.

Spell it how you say it, but swear to God, two chicken sandwiches, two waters, seven

dollars. Fuck this guy.

Oh, by the way, you want sauces on your thing? They're a dollar apiece. Fuck you, God.
Fuck your sauces. Wow.

These places are closing left and right. This guy's a complete piece of shit.
F your sauce. Guy Fieri.
It's Guy Fieri. Those of you listening.

By the way, a dollar for sauces is ridiculous. Those should be complimentary.
So

this is

posted by Dan, a serial entrepreneur, small business advisor, and YouTuber. He's complaining about prices at Guy Fieri's restaurant.

I'll say this. I love Guy Fieri.
I think he's the fucking, I think he's a fantastic person.

I loved when I met him and hung out with him. He was so gracious and so cool.
I'm wondering, because of the noise here in the background, first of all, it sounds very busy.

It sounds like a lot of people are paying $70 for two chicken sandwiches and two waters.

This feels like Vegas pricing. Oh, right.
Which is standard.

Vegas, everything is like, what, you want a basket of fries? It's $40.

And by the way, I've eaten at Guy Fieri's restaurant in an airport. Outstanding.
It's good. I really liked it.
So I'll pay a dollar for a condiment. Okay, look, Hawaiian.
I can't read this.

Motley Q.

And I like that they name things funny. Motley Q, pulled pork sandwich.
Adorable. $23.99.
That is a lot of money for a. Is this in Vegas? You're right.
I don't know. I don't know.

That is a lot for a pulled pork sandwich. Yeah, but here's the thing.
23 bones.

This is a tier of restaurants. Babe.
Right. A bacon, mac, and cheeseburger $24.99.
But this is my point, though. Wow.
This is not McDonald's. No, it's not.
It's an upper. Yeah.

But here's my thinking from a branding perspective. Yeah.
Guy Fieri, I thought, would appeal to a

maybe like not so high-tier price point. You know what I'm saying? It's Vegas.
Oh, it's Vegas, baby.

Well, then it's Vegas. That's not crazy.
That's Vegas, yeah. Vegas, baby.
Vegas, everything is like this. Yeah.

This isn't all the, also, there's definitely a tier above this if you want to if you're looking for high price items sure you know this is like no that's that's vegas prices that's crazy you go anywhere else and you're going to pay this much for cooking absolutely yeah if you go to chilies in vegas you're going to pay this yeah no this is this is not fair to ain't no thing but a chicken wang man can i tell you what is kind of disturbing though is that guy is holding the live chicken and you're going to eat it yeah like maybe not Like I would hold the cooked version.

No. Because you don't want to think about the animal you're butchering.
I'd put my arm around a cow and be like,

Tom's growth. Steaks.
Yeah. This guy's so mad.
That's what I'm laughing at.

This dude is so

pissed off. But like, he did.
That's the funniest thing. But he didn't see the prices before he ordered.
Like, you can look at the menu, bro.

You don't got to eat their homie. Look at the prices before you fucking.
He's so mad. He's so mad.

That's a lot.

Oh, by the way, you want sauces on your thing? You're a dollar a piece. Fuck you, guy.

These places are closing left and right. This guy's a complete piece of shit.

How about that?

He's so mad. Can you go to his Instagram? Wow.
It's

IA allegedly. I allegedly.
Is that right? Yeah.

Is that his?

I allegedly.

you know, we've all got our things. So, what's he normally like?

What's he say here? Yeah,

I just wanted to say happy new year.

I truly appreciate each and every one of you being part of

and subscribing to the channel. And I look forward to 2025.
We're going to have an amazing year. So much is going to happen.
Very different. I cannot wait.

Yeah, he's normal here. And he's professional.
He's forward and upward, guys. You know what it is? You go to Vegas, you put a few in him, and he starts.
He gets in the middle of the day.

Like he's happy in that one, the one you just clicked on there. Yeah.

He's sauced up in it. I'm on St.
Kitts shopping. St.
Kitts. They've got cigarettes.
He's happy about smoking.

And they say smoking kills. So kids don't smoke.
Okay? Because smoking kills. That is hilarious, guys.
Look at this.

I'll say

smoking kills. Smoking kills.

Yeah, they're not subtle about that in other countries.

Right there. They put pictures of lungs and stuff.
It says, please be kind to everyone. Onward and upward.
All the best.

Fuck you guy. You piece of shit.

He really did not like getting that bill. Also, didn't he know the prices? That's what I said.
Right?

I literally said that when we, yeah, like, you can see the prices on the menu

before you order. So why is he shocked? He's like, because if they're like $23.99 each, yeah, dude.
I mean, look, you and I were in Vegas when we were broke as broke comics. You know where we ate?

Where? Chipotle, remember? Yeah, we did chipotle every day. It's a lot there.
It's a lot there. You don't have to eat at Guy's place.

But he doesn't like Kamala. Let's see that.

I absolutely get a kick out of our politicians

saying things that are not questioned. Kamala Harris

announced her economic plan. And one thing that she announced was that she was going to build 3 million low-cost houses and apartments.
That's fantastic, guys. Think about about this.

In a four-year term, that would be 1,460 days. If you divide that by 3 million, it's 2,064 a day that she would have to build.
Dang,

what? Oh, damn, you're being a buzzkill. Come on, man.
We just got to do it. He puts his own picture of himself.
No,

have accountability for these guys.

Kevin, it's that simple. We can't do the Oprah.
You get a car. You get a car.
You get a car. Oh, you don't get a car? You can't have a phone with stickers.
Yeah.

I can't even do that in my videos. That's cool.
No, it's not going to happen. Okay.

Oh, he's so clever. Did you see that? He gave that, like, hmm, see how smart I am? Yep.
Fuck you, Bill Maher. I got this down.

I love when guys like him break it down for you, too. The economics of stuff, Tom.
I want to see. I'd like it to be.
This is like when your dad explains politics to you.

Yeah.

I'd like to see him lose his shirt. Not my dad.
Yeah, it's a cool American flag shirt.

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

What's Christmas?

Okay, here's the Christmas post. Do you think he's going to complain that they don't say Merry Christmas where he's from or that they've forgotten Jesus? What do you think that video is?

It's going to be

some complaint about how America has gone south with Christmas. They've forgotten the real meeting.
That's a big one. Yeah.
That's a big one. That's where my money is.
What is yours?

I mean, I don't think you're wrong.

Hey, guys, it's that time of the year, and I just want to be the first

in your life to wish you guys a Merry Christmas. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
It's never too early for Christmas. Okay.
Okay. So I allegedly wish everybody a Merry Christmas.
This is posted in June.

In June. Okay.
So Merry Christmas. Okay.
In June. In June.

Real happy, though. Yeah, I mean, he didn't say, no, he did say seasons, greetings.
Okay. I thought we'd get a rant.
Hashtag business.

So cool. You fucking asshole.
Fucking Guy Fieri, $70.

Oh, boy. Yeah, he's a real.

I think that's really the only time he's lost his shit in any of these. I am right.
He just really got him at a time that he really didn't.

Oh, what's about Popeyes? He's got it right here. Let's see.

So I was filming in Pasadena, and as I was leaving, I was on the phone with a buddy and said, oh, wow, there's a Popeyes chicken. Haven't seen one of those in a while.

And he's like, hey, could you do me a favor and stop and get some Cajun rice for me? Sure. And I remember their Cajun rice as being like a flavorful, spicy rice with meat in it and stuff like that.

Oh, it's got rice and beans in it now, sir.

This

is their Cajun rice now. We just see the container.
Okay.

Yeah, I'd like to see the product. $7.11.
Oh, there you go.

$7.11. Uh-oh.
Okay. For Cajun rice.
Is that Looneyville, guys? That's nuts. You wonder why families are suffering right now because they cannot make it.
Get the rice

at $7.11. What does this guy want prices to be?

I don't understand what he thinks everything should cost. And you don't have to eat at Popeyes.
Who can afford these ridiculous fast food prices? Nobody can afford this.

This is why they are going out of business. What? Are they going out of business?

I don't. No, I don't.
They're very few around anymore.

Okay. I mean, okay.
What is his advice because he's a business page? Is his advice like, look, start a business, never charge a lot for anything, and then you'll be good like how does he advise people

okay

this guy's fucking

no popeyes is not going out of business

i like that it answers you like that no

no you dip shit

but i am upset that california pizza kitchen has gone out of business is that yeah can you believe that

do you google it because there there used to be one here at the bro main in austin that's my our children's favorite restaurant, CPK.

And it's gone. And I don't think it's gone from.

It did file for bankruptcy in 2015.

Company emerged with a reduced debt load. Well, the one in Austin's gone, and I am deeply upset.
Please, CPK, bring back your Austin location.

It's focused on expanding its franchise footprint, innovating its menu, investing in marketing and digital, and looking to

captive dining audiences in airports as a source of customers and also their prices are going to remain at $3 for full pizzas and entire meals

following the I allegedly business footprint

you believe these fucking prices this pizza was $11 Jesus Christ who the fuck can afford this shit

CPK does provide a great product can you go back to his thing can you scroll to the top I just want to see like yeah what is he like what is this

Okay. Oh, he's only got like 2,800

followers. Babe, he's only got 2,800 followers.
I know he's going to have more now.

Some things haven't been proven yet. Is this like a third eagle of the apocalypse type?

I love this. I'm a serial entrepreneur, small business advisor, YouTuber.

In my career, I've survived the crash of 2000, 2008, 2020, all through the ups and downs. I've learned not just to survive, but thrive.

In my experience, tough economic times always provides new opportunities. I'm what's known as a connected marketer.
I help businesses raise money and get connected as strategic partners. What?

All this

gobbledygook, this jargon. I don't understand what these people are.
You got to fucking redesign this page, bro.

I was about to say, number one thing I know about him is that he definitely made this website. Yeah,

sometimes he's all about saving a buck, but sometimes you got to spend a few to make it look like you didn't build this in fucking 1996. Let's go to his YouTube.

Let's see what these episodes are like. Like, what is he doing entire episodes on? He's got 300,000 subscribers.
Okay, so he's legit. Okay.
I've been banned for life from Walmart. What the fuck?

Hey, it's Dan. Welcome back.
You're watching I, allegedly. And I've got a good one for you today because I've been fan for life from Walmart.
Please hit the like button.

Please subscribe to the channel. Yes.
Today we have a sponsor, Private Internet Access, which I will get into in a little bit. but let's get right into it.
Yeah.

Okay, so it's not me that's been banned. It's a woman named Ashley Cross.

And this is something that we've talked about a few months ago. But Ashley Cross

was banned for 4,600 Walmarts, all of them. Can't step in.
And the reason for that is that she went out and she

took one item that was very inexpensive and then she would scan it at the self-checkout and what she would do is she would use a watch battery which was a little over a dollar and she would then scan that and they caught her

scanning about a hundred and eighty dollars worth of merchandise jeans and shirts and other things yeah and with that they said no you're done so They are fed up with this.

They're absolutely done with this behavior. The self-checkout is where they get robbed blind.
Well, yeah, why are they doing that?

People

scan five items, take out six.

And Walmart is fed up with it. Walmart's completely done with it.
And

so, she's done. Okay.
But is that the story?

This is a 19-minute video about Ashley scanning.

Jesus Christ.

Okay.

Are we still, if this is still the Ashley story, I'm going to absolutely die. He's walking home.
Again, arrested her for this. And it was a massive nightmare trying to get out of this.

This is what you want to avoid, guys. I'm telling you.
What, want to avoid stealing? I had a guy I was filming at that self-checkout. Oh, his first time in a grocery store, man.

No. So I

said something to him.

Anyways. You know, come on, guys.
Mind your own business. Okay.
Be aware of this stuff, guys, because I'm telling you this right now. You want to do something interesting?

Do a search on how many people have been arrested at the self-checkout for this is a business advice, guy? I know. Don't do self-checkout.
Yeah, no shit. Don't steal, or you'll get a ban from Walmart.

Okay. That's insane.
All right.

I hate self-checkout.

Good luck with your page, sir. It's very interesting that you're doing all that.
Can we please do some happy birthdays? Yeah. Oh, it's my absolute faves.
Yes.

So as you know or if you don't know you go to a drive-through uh hopefully it's a coffee place like a starbucks or something you use either a british cockney accent or an accent of your choosing you say happy birthday you say i love you and you just see how it goes hello my name is james james what are we getting for you i'd like two pink drinks please what size large two large pinks anything else that'll be our love.

It's so bad. Is that it? I love it.
I love how bad it is.

And it's for you. Oh, thank you.
Happy birthday.

It's so

stupid. It's so dumb

to hand somebody a tip and be like, happy birthday. And they're like, okay.

It's not, but yeah.

Thank you. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Especially the bad Cockney accent is really what gives me the most joy.

So good.

Thanks, James.

Yeah, it's got to be bad. With vanilla.

I'll take it hot, please. And may I have that with vanilla? Oh, his is good.

And then for me,

I think I'll try one of them new cortatos. That's really good.
No, thank you, please.

All right, no, thank you. Drink stopper, please.

Thank you. And this is for y'all.
Yeah. It's your birthday.
Happy birthday. It's your birthday.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

So stupid.

I also like how many happy birthdays you have. I felt like he either is British or has like British parents or something.
I know. Because he had the little like kind of colloquialisms in there.

Yeah, he was good at it.

Hello there, love. Can I get a uh

large

chestnut frappuccino, please? Large Large chestnut frappuccino. Who would you like, love?

Oh, yes, can I get another large matcha frappuccino, please? Stupid.

Oh, yes, uh, give star strawberry drizzle.

His accent is all over the place.

Or a syrup or whatever.

He just dropped it completely.

Is it your birthday today?

Is it your birthday?

Yeah.

You know, Craig, Craig told me it was your birthday.

You don't know?

Let's be the other Starbucks. Sorry, sir.

Is it your birthday? I do like the long of the. Ah,

the long ah was great. That could be a whole new lane.

I think oh, eggs.

If you could do do a really long pause like that and see how long we could get those pauses, oh my god. Those are great.
That's really funny. Wow.
That was fucking awesome. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. You'll like this for sure.
Yeah, thank you. Jayden, Jayden, Jayden.

You look retarded, bro. Oh, thank you, buddy.

I saw that. I said that in.

That's good. Yeah, he didn't even hear him.
I don't think he heard. You look retarded, bro.
I think he heard him. He did, and he said thank you.
Thank you, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.

What's going on with that kid? What do you think? I mean, this is definitely not a cry for attention. We're in a fucking house as a hat.
Yeah. Gosh.
Shaded. Yeah.
He's all over the map, that kid.

Stupid. It is fucking stupid.

I know your

ultimate dream is to see me as Robert Smith. Of course.
But then we also, your other, one of your favorites of all time, Peter Murphy. Of course.
This side-by-side is pretty cool. Let's see.

Let's see you. Oh, you could so do this.
Look at that. You guys are twin brothers already.
Wow. Look at him.
Oh my God. You guys really are.
Blue eyes. You got the blue eyes.

His eyes look really good, though. Oh, he's stunning.
And is it that he has good eyelashes too? Of course. Peter Murphy's got good everything.
Good cheek structure, good eyelashes.

So here's what you'd have to do to do this. You got to get a spray tan.
I don't think Peter Murphy spray tans. I think that you're exceptionally pasty.
Thank you.

And you need to spray tan, and then we got to put some blue eyeshadow.

And that's pretty much it.

Are those eyeliner? Is that eyeliner or is that eyeliner? Yeah, it's a little eyeliner. He does it in the waterline, as they say.

You could do that, but I still think. God, maybe I should start doing eyeliner every day, right? Isn't that like a cool idea? Wow, you're right.
Are you being serious? I would love that. Really?

I would love that.

Would you try? Sure, I'll try it. Yeah.
I love guys in black eyeliners. Oh, I mean, that's been one of my dreams.
Here's the deal, man. You can't wear a lipstick with a beard.

I mean, that's probably why Peter Murphy doesn't do that. It looks, it's not, it's not appropriate.

He looks really good, though. No, he's incredibly good looking.
He's still, you know, he's thin. He kept himself in shape and everything.
But

I still, I love Peter Murphy, but Robert Smith

is where my heart is. Jesus Christ.
I mean, Robert Smith is like my first crush. Can you listen to me?

I mean, growing up as a teenage girl, 13 years old, he's my first big crush. I have posters of him everywhere.
I'm obsessed with Robert Smith. If you could do Robert Smith,

you're going to do it? Yeah. No, really? Sure.
Don't get my hopes up. I am.
I'm thinking. I'm trying to figure out a way that we could do it.
Okay.

Ready for a vibe shift? I love Peter Murphy. Yeah.
Okay.

Do not play with me.

Do not play with me because I'm not the one or the two.

You're not the one or the two.

Let's go. You ain't got shit yet.

You ain't gonna do nothing.

Like I said, keep my fucking name out your mouth.

No, some reason.

Back the fuck out of here.

Fuck out of here. Fuck out of here before I fing out.
Spirit air.

Remember what I was telling you about the service industry? I mean, I'm drop kicking your ass.

Not good.

Right? Yeah, it's spirit air. Fuck out of here, you dark.

Yes, you are.

Jesus. Fuck out of here.
You and your raggedy ass fuck.

Fuck out of here. Go suck.

Like I said, I said what I said. And

I said what I said. Please step to me like you want it.

Imagine you're about to board a flight and you're like, what the fuck?

It's so terrifying.

You're like, why are they yelling at us? You're not the one or the two.

Fuck.

I'd be so scared if you're in line.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Nigga, my name is.
Oh, jeez.

Oh, jeez.

Mommy.

Yeah.

I have to, and I, look, this is not very

lyrically

correct to say, but nothing

scares me more

than

black girls yelling, like black women yelling. Holy shit.

I mean, I think it harkens back to middle school, public school, and like, like, this shit escalates, bro, and they will fucking throw down. Yeah.

They fight. Yeah.

Yeah. This shit gets real, bro.
I know, I know. This, this is like, I'm having flashbacks to

fifth grade. What is it, Portola? Fucking Portola.

Yeah.

Dude, black girls are vicious, though. They will fucking

cut you, bro. Yeah,

you have a good motherfucking night. The shit that they say to each other, I can't even come up with.
Yeah. I know.
It's pretty good. It's like,

damn, dude. Yeah.
All right.

I said what I said. I said what I said.
Did you ever get jumped? Of course.

Of course. Yes, of course.

I mean, but yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Look, I didn't, here's the problem, man, is I had come from a nice Lutheran school.
I was like this quiet little blonde girl.

I had a little bit of scrappy, a little bit of an attitude. And black girls would talk some shit in the locker room and talk shit everywhere.
And I didn't know to shut the fuck.

I just didn't know that you don't say anything. And I told them, I was like, why don't you shut up? Shut the fuck up.
But this is a locker room. Bad idea.
And then I got on the radar and

they're fucking me up. Well, you learned a life lesson.
Yeah, don't talk to black people and don't talk to them. No, that's not the life lesson.
That's not the life lesson.

You should be afraid of black chicks. No.
No. No, it's just you gotta.

That's no, you gotta read a room and you gotta know

when to when to shut up. Yeah, that's the lesson.
I know. I just, I don't know what was wrong with me.
I don't know. But that shit scares me, dude, to this day.
I'm like, woof, get away from that.

Yeah. Get away from the moat.

Keep getting your spirit employed.

I remember far away middle school in

Milwaukee. And, you know, it was a similar experience.

But I already knew.

I already knew when to shut the fuck up. Yeah, I didn't know that one yet.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, look, I defended myself not very well, but I'd fucking, I fought. I tried.
Dude, but these bitches got crazy, dude, like

ripping braids out during lunchtime. And they fucking fought.
They fought harder. Harder than, like, Chola girls, because Cholas would fight, but never at school.

I didn't feel like I didn't see Mexican girls throw down at school the way black girls throw down. At school.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, I know they fucked each other up, but that was like they did that somewhere else. Does that make sense? I don't feel like I didn't see Cholas fight.
Angelinos?

Anyone? See Cholas fighting? Cholas fighting? Cholas, girls. Yeah, Cholas, yeah.
I've seen that growing up in school. Yeah.
Yeah, they know how to fight. Yeah.
They fight at school? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. That was big in my school.
Do you ever see white girls throw down like that?

One time in middle school, these two ghetto white bitches

threw down. They were throwing kicks and stuff.

That was during a passing period. That was kind of cool to watch.

That's always when the nails come out. The white girls.
Violent fighting I ever saw was actually white boys, though. White boys.

That I witnessed. Yeah.
Like bludging.

Yeah,

white boys get crazy.

There was another kid, another guy who was just like commenting, I think, not even like in a

I think this

guy was talking about another guy's girlfriend. And not in a grotesque grotesque way.
It was just that he was like

talking about her and the boyfriend felt threatened by this. Like, just he was like, stop talking about my girl.
And just in the middle of the hall, in front of like everybody,

like punched him and then got on top and just started like wailing. Like when you see like a UFC fight and they're just like, bow, bow.
And you saw blood like shooting out of the guy's face.

This is a good point because UFC fighters are all crazy white guys, right?

A lot, not all yeah but the majority is like crazy white guy like there's some crazy white guys trashy whites there's a lot of trashy whites trashy whites love the ufc so there's something to it that's interesting

yeah violence god damn

asians don't fight you ever seen asians fight i mean asians fight actually in the ninja movies yeah

actually low-key no i've never seen an asian fight that's crazy Thank you. Like I'm saying in school, like public school.
Yeah, in school, I think. You ever see the Chinese kids throw down? No.
Never.

He had to be mixed. I'm pretty sure I've seen one, but motherfucker had to be mixed.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It was Asian and black, probably.
I saw a white kid get turned into a vegetable.

Really? Yeah. Yeah.

This kid I know punched this other guy I know. And then the kid got knocked out and hit his head on a curb, and now he's broccoli.
Whoa.

I grew up in small town, Nebraska, and it was all like farmers and like trailer kids fighting all the time like yeah white kids small towns but no Asians no no Chinese kids I never saw an Asian kid not one Koreans no but I know that right now there's definitely people listening and watching being like bro yeah I saw fucking dat nguyn fuck this kid up like they just are yelling at the fucking dat nguyn yeah the vietnamese he motherfucking lit this dude up yeah for sure well that's true because i do know there are asian you know gang bangers asian gangs 1,000%.

Especially in L.A., yeah. I just haven't seen it.
I just haven't seen it. Yeah.
Interesting. Yeah, let's get some emails.
Yeah, let's get some

Asian stories. Asian fight bullying stories.

It's a nice thing to just put into the universe. Hey, did you witness an Asian kid beat the shit out of somebody? Please share it with me.
We've never seen it. Wait, Tanner,

you saw this fight?

Yeah, I was at a house party, and so he punched him, and then the kid was perfectly placed when he fell, his head and hit the back of a curb. And now he's

pretty retarded.

Did that other? Because usually when those things happen, you get like you get arrested. Yeah, he got arrested.
I was supposed to go to school with him. I was supposed to go to college with him.

And since he had a court case, he couldn't come to school.

So, whoa, you know, that this, by the way, always reminds me of the one I saw this orthopedic surgeon after I broke my arm and my leg snapped playing ball. And he goes, and I was all fucked up.

I was like, ha.

And he goes, you're lucky. I go, lucky.

He goes, well, you could have hit the back of your head, and then you'd be eating through a straw for the rest of your life. I was like, okay, cool.
I'm lucky.

Because

he's like, you could have landed on your head, man. No, I'm lucky.
Otherwise, I've had you as a husband. Like,

Mike.

Tom, go do your act. Mike.

Bikes.

Go do your act, Tom. Get out on the road.

Jesus Christ.

Tom.

I look at the screen and then it goes,

What's up, motherfuckers?

Tom.

Tom. Do I have permission then to have lovers? Oh, get the fuck out of here, you bitch.

Girl, get your life.

All right.

What?

Nothing. How do we get down this hole? Oh, the spirit air employees.
Spirit, man. I'm telling you.
You're like, no, service industry is cool. No, it's not.
It's fucking dog shit. I know.

I just, you know, look, I have sympathy for them. It's a tough gig.
Serving the public is

easy. Damn, it's the worst

job. It's harsh.
Public, you know, what's really hard is customer service and people are always angry.

Yeah. I know.
And our pussy's fucking sting. Okay.
Yeah. Here we go.

A lot of people are, of course, celebrating over it and touting about how great it is. Of course, there's another angle of this participation rate.
Explain that to us and why

we need to look at that.

Absolutely. Well,

we have, we're in a very good position to tell talk about what's going on in the market.

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

right.

It's a, Dr. Drew, it's a hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism.
I saw a clip of a guy, by the way, talking about, he was a basketball player talking about, you know, when you played this position.

He goes, yeah, you know, as a, there's, when there's, when you play, I forget if it was like guard or four, he's like, you know, there's a stigmatism

associated with playing that position. Astigmatism.
Yeah, and everybody was like, right, right, right. Like, nobody,

You know, as a small forward, there's always a stigmatism that we don't.

Put the ball on the floor a lot. And you're like, right, right.
How does this chick go on television and not say something? Like, hey, sorry, my eyes are wide open.

Yeah, sorry, I'm freaking you the fuck out.

Try to listen to the words and not look at me.

She knows how she looks. Of course she knows.
Why don't you just say something? We work with a lot of Fortune 1000 organizations.

Jesus Christ. She hasn't blanked either.
No. And we get a good pulse on what's ramping and areas of growth.
We also work with

laughing firms and that's how folks want to experience that growth. We're seeing tremendous

figure at Digime.

Holy shit. Holy shit.

Oh, that was cool. Imagine if that was your partner.
Partner. Yeah.
You mean your gay partner?

There's people like this. This is usually in women you see.
Yeah. I feel like I've seen bitches like this where you're like, close your eyes, dude.
Close your eyes. Fucking.
Isn't that crazy?

She can't go. She either goes close or this.
There is no in-between. Also, there's no way to resolve that.
You can't be like, hey, fix this.

Of course, there is. It's a medical, there's a medical problem happening.
Unless she's gacked on.

She's not gacked.

She's got an issue.

She's got a problem. Listen, as a middle-aged man, there's astigmatism

involved.

All right. You're dating a misangist, and you've transitioned in front of them and they are like part of the reason you're struggling to even identify as a man or trans masculine.

You're like, I'm, you know, non-binary, but I, and hey, I am complicated. I'm non-binary.
I'm a woman. I'm also a man, though.
And I do look like this and I'm walking the world like this.

And so this person during one of our fights was like, I don't see you as a man though. And I said, that's weird.
Everybody else fucking does. And they're like,

I was like, you maybe should look at me a little closer because what are you saying?

Crying out to kids? What's a misandrist?

It's the opposite of misogynist. Yeah.
Someone that hates men. Oh,

it's a fake word.

So, yeah, misogyny is woman-hating, and misandry is man-hating. Misandrist.
But he's saying, I'm a man. Yeah.
I don't understand this shit. Dislike or contempt against men.
Yeah. I.e., the male sex.

Contempt for men.

I know a bunch of bitches like this.

I know. I feel like that's being popular right now.
Yeah.

Yeah. It's usually a bunch of busted-ass hoes who can't find anyone to hate them.
That's true. Fuck them anyway.
It's never, it's never a bunch of broke, busted, ugly ass bitches. Yeah.

It's never hot chicks. They're like, I fucking hate men.
It's like,

no, dude. Bitches that were thrown to the side because they look like fucking dogs.
Yeah.

All right. Oh my God.
I was re-watching Kevin Samuels yesterday just to myself. And he's like, okay,

how tall are you? Five, two? How much do you weigh? 145. Okay, no, no, no.
Like he just straight out is. I saw the clip.
I don't know if we have it of somebody describe.

She's like, well, I need to know what my options are. And he goes,

How old are you? And she was like, 43. He goes, none.

And she goes,

he goes, none. None.
And she goes,

she's like, I have three kids. He goes, none.
Are you hearing me? None. Nothing.
Nope. Nothing.
She goes, I have no options. He's like, no.

Okay, you're 43.

You got three kids. Who the fuck would want you?

Who the fuck wants you?

If this circle represents all of the open defecation that happens in the world,

this is the fraction that happens in India. Jesus Christ.
And this is the fraction that happens only in rural India. 65%

of rural Indians defecate in the open.

So what that means is that most of the open defecation that happens in the world happens in rural India. Yeah, we got it.
And most rural Indians defecate in the open. We got it.

Every day, these talks are getting 100 million

people

in villages in India

who go in the fields rather than use a toilet or a latrine. We We got it.
What's the reason? That's bigger than the population of the United States.

Why?

Why choose to do that? They're all poor and stuff. No.

What's the reason to choose the field shit? Why not? It's perfect to shit out there. Wouldn't you love to shit in a field? I would love to shit outside with the nice warm breath.
I love toilets.

I love shitting in my toilet. I would like to open defecate.
Can we build me an open defecation? Yeah, you can just go out in the yard.

I've never wave at the neighbors and take your shit out. I would love to.
I've never experienced it. Nothing's stopping you from doing that.

I know.

There must be something to it because all the Indians love doing it. That's true.

Lack of readily accessible toilets, deeply ingrained cultural norms that accept the practice. It's fine.
It's fine. Poverty, inadequate sanitation, infrastructure.
It's fine.

Who cares? Just shit out in the field. There's nothing out there anyway.
It's rural. Who's it hurting?

Fuck. I think, you know what? I think this woman is open defecation phobic.
And I think she needs to fucking.

I actually always think about, like, when you're thinking about this, open defecation, is the cleanup, the wiping. Yeah.

They use their hands. Really?

Well, I know in the, I don't know, actually, I know in Muslim countries, you use your hand.

All Muslim countries? No. I've just learned that when I was in Afghanistan, that, yes, sometimes they use their hand and they wash their hand.
That's why you eat with the

eat with the left, wipe with the right or vice versa. I forget.
Okay. I don't know, but they're not bringing paper towels out.

Oh, other way around. Yeah, they're not bringing paper towels to the field.
No way. Maybe they're wiping with plants or leaves or something.
Look, humans have been shitting for centuries.

This is how we all used to shit. Open defecate.

Okay.

Across North Africa, Middle East, and Asia, people traditionally use their hands to wipe after using the toilet.

followed by washing them with water, often using the left hand specifically for this purpose due to to cultural hygiene practices.

This is particularly prevalent in Muslim countries where water-based cleansing is emphasized. Yeah.
So you wipe with your

left and you eat with your right. Got it.
You don't ever want to shake a Muslim's left hand. Yeah, that's considered very.
Yeah.

So you got dookie on it. Look,

I don't know why she's just singling out the Indians, I'm telling you, but it's got to be other. Well, no, open defecation.

Good for her. Good for them.
Good for them. I think it's causing some issues.
This is why she's giving a speech. Oh.

Well, I do remember the story about open defecation where they would come to like Disneyland and shit out in public or come to cities and then still open defecate. Yeah.

They just haven't learned how to use it. Well, that's a big thing in mainland China.
Yeah. So a lot of mainlanders that shit just anywhere will visit like Beijing.

or Macau or Hong Kong or, you know, Shanghai, and they're rural Chinese, and they go into the big city, and then they're like, I got a shit.

I'm just going to drop my pants right here and shit on the floor of this mall. And then they're like, No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

No. See, and you know, don't think I didn't notice that when I brought up the idea that the Muslims use their left hand to wipe their ass, you looked at me.
Like, it was crazy.

Okay, I just didn't know because you guys always are like, oh, Christina, you got these crazy ideas. Let me tell you about the next crazy idea I'm on.
Can I tell you what's

talk to you for a second? Sure, man. It's huge in the mommy TikTok world right now, the mommy sleuths out there.

Candace Owens,

I love you, girl. Candace, come on your mom's house.
You need to explain this, what I'm about to tell my husband.

It is so good. You guys have to go to her website, Candice Owens.com, to see the stuff or her YouTube.

She is staking her career on the fact that Brigitte Macron, allegedly, Candace Owens is saying that Brigitte Macron the first lady of France

is actually a man is

male

Kay Lastima

actually a dude come on I know it's crazy and she's got a ton of evidence and this Poulard guy who wrote a book I bought the book I'm all into it Candace I would love for you to come on and explain this to the world you're so into this I sound insane I've been into it for like a month now every day I'm like holy shit, dude, Brigitte Macron is a dude, bro.

Brigitte Macron. So here's what I, oh, we talked about this already on the show.
Sorry, yes. But so the series is called Becoming Brigitte.

And she goes through their genealogy of the family and how these two meet. And by the way, there's all these stories that Macron meets Brigitte when he is 17 and she is 36.

First of all, that's not true.

They're saying that he was 14

and she was what like in her 40s or something 30 39 9 1 9 and that's when they hooked up and there's a whole ton of evidence you guys have to get into every detail because it's fascinating that there's no photographs allegedly of this brigitte macron for 30 years 30 years no photographs okay

she just

She's born. Okay, so then there's like three photographs that they they put out of her.
This is supposedly her at her wedding.

Well, they do these AI analyses now of photographs, like the kind that the Chinese use or whatever. And the AI is like,

that ain't Brigitte Macrone. And that guy is actually her, I don't know, uncle, brother, whoever the fuck.
It's a whole crazy story. Allegedly, she's assumed she's actually a boy.

There's a family photo. Hold on.
Where's that family photo? Okay, let's go back.

Her name is actually Jean-Michel something.

That's her in her 40s. So that's when she's teaching.
Okay. Google Brigitte Macrone Young family photo.
So it starts with her.

So basically what happens is she and her husband get into the LISA, whatever. He's prime minister.
And like well-meaning journalists are wanting to investigate

her background, correct. And what they realize is that there's a black hole in Brigitte Macrone's history, which is like you can dig up school photos, you can dig up everything.
Everything's public.

So they're saying, this Poulard and Candace,

that actually Brigitte Macron is the little boy here on the left, my left.

And I don't know who the hell this one is sitting on the lap of

but isn't it possible that that's Brigitte on the lap sitting on the lap? No, because they did like AI analysis of the AI analysis. I'm telling you, bro.
I mean, but why does AI analysis have been?

Or whatever, photo recognition softwares and all of this.

Well, if you look at it, okay, can you Google childhood photo, Jean-Michel, side by side with Brigitte Macron? I'm telling you, this little boy is identical to Brigitte Macron.

If you do a side by side, there's all, and then they found a few photographs of Brigitte. Jean-Michel.
That's Brigitte Macron before she became Brigitte. So she disappears.
She goes to Algiers.

has a sex change, supposedly comes back, and now is Brigitte. It's bananas.
No, this is Michael Jackson. Who are you bringing up?

Anyway, Candace, please come on the show and explain this better than I am. It's a whole story, it's fascinating stuff.

Look, Tucker Carlson follows her, too. It's a whole thing.
Okay. Allegedly, allegedly.
Well, I know that you're very focused. I would love to hear firsthand this account of how

Candace, come on. I know you're a pregnant girl.
You're

in Tennessee. Macron is really Jean-Michel.
Jean-Michel.

A man. A man.
Who's fucking a boy. Correct.
Cool. And, right, so she's actually Jean-Michel.

She disappears. She comes back.
And now she lives as a woman named Veronique for a while. It's a whole fucking thing, man.

Okay.

Crazy.

And they're this allegedly. Why is she staking her career on this, though? Why is this? Why is this? I'll tell you why.

I'll tell you why. Because it's not just that this woman is a man.

Back up one. There you go.
See those photos? Those four photos? Women who falsely claimed Brigitte Macron is transgender

are women. Yeah, so they sued them for defamation or slander.
But it's not on the claims that Brigitte is a woman. I'm sorry, Brigitte is a man.
There's slander in the details of the stories.

It's a long story. It's not what you think it is.
So go back to those images, those four images. Go up.

Boom. Next row, second row.
Scroll down. Scroll down, mommy.
There.

Look at those. Okay.
Look at teeth don't lie. Look at the middle two images.
Yeah.

Oh, you're saying that those are the same. That's Brigitte.
Okay.

Got it. See that young man? Yes.
And then you see Brigitte Macron. Look at that.
I mean,

are my eyes deceiving me? And like Candace says. But wait, but I'm saying, what's the way to like, why do people care? Why do people care? Oh, sorry.

So the implications for this being, A, if this really is a man who transitioned to a woman, is

because having a relationship with a 14-year-old boy is completely inappropriate and illegal and wrong. Secondly, there's ties to

allegedly, Candace is saying, in the Élysee, in the government, they're protecting

because they, you know, she believes that this is a

culture. And they're protecting.

There's also links to the Rothschild family. Regime Macron is actually a Rothschild, which is like the biggest banking company in France.
I know, and they're protecting each other's interests.

There's incest. There's all kinds of gross things.
Have you been talking to Sam Triple every day? Satanic cults.

The lizard people are controlling. Here's my problem, Tom.
Can I tell you my problem? Sure. I'm not doing stand-up anymore.
I'm not out in the world. We need to get you on stage.

I'm on the mommy sleuth TikTok, and I'm here for it. I love it all.

I need to get out of the house.

I agree. I agree.
I know it. But, Candace, I love you.
You're doing God's work. All right.
I want to hear the full story.

Can we do some talks?

These are talks.

We got to go, man. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm the talk. Yeah.
I'm the TikTok today. Aliens.

Martha.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Don't kill Marta.

That was like a Danish dating show or something.

He goes to French. That's the Macron family.
That's actually footage of how they say hello to each other at holidays.

She's just a cool lady. She's got great tits.

Any

down.

Down. Down.
Yeah.

Nice, Ennie. Hell yeah.

They have Therian masks at IKEA.

Breaking news. These are legit.
This is a Therian mask. mask.
I don't know how you can know me otherwise. Cool.

They have a whole box of them.

And I just think IKEA's getting with the times.

If you're doing quad robics at the IKEA, I don't think they would just

of all what's a Therion?

I think these are like the mask cosplay nerds. This is what dorks are doing.
Yeah, cosplay. Therion, furry.
This is furry culture. Okay.
And then quadronics. I'm not sure what a quadronic.

Oh, maybe you're getting on all fours, quad, doing that dorky shit these nerds do on TikTok. Okay.
I don't know when it, these fucking nerds, man. Yeah.

They need to go back to being ashamed of themselves.

Very cool.

Well, it's upsetting now that IKEA is embracing their stupidity. Yeah, this weird furry.
I think IKEA was just like, here's an animal mask. That's what I think, too.

But this nerd sees it as a cultural

validation as well, yeah, yeah, yeah, just like they say satanic. I think Brigitte is a woman,

see, I've not been real proud of it, but my grandmother was a witch, an astrologist, somebody that studied the stars.

My mother's name's JoJo, you know, the government knows Dorinda, the FBI knows Jojo.

Annie,

she said, The government, the government, would you smash?

I'll give it a round. She got those teeth, yeah.

I bet she could take him out. Awesome.

Honoria boy here. Literally.
Just had this shirt made thanks to my Facebook friend named Tina at a place called Embroidery Plus in Las Vegas. Cool.
I'm going to be walking Fremont any minute now.

On Friday, I'm going to be going to Little Italiana in Summerland between like 3 and maybe like 7. So if you want to come hang out there, that'll be pretty fun.
Gekonaria.

Come hang out. Vote Lauren for next season.
Vote Lauren for North America Toolkit. Good time to record.

Outside. We're going to keep it going.
But thank you so much, Tina.

This shirt will be for auction eventually. I'll autograph it and see if anybody wants it.
Yeah. Gonoria boy.

All right. So

that was really cool. There's what? No, go ahead.
There's just a lane of people that are proud of their STIs and they like to, they don't want to be shamed.

They gave out like a location where he'll be for like three hours. If anyone wants to come hang out, then I'll autograph this.
If anyone wants it, what the fuck?

So cool. If anybody could let us know if you bought the Gonoria boy shirt, I would love to know.

All right. This was a lot of fun today.
It was really fun. It was.
We got to get going, though. We have a lot to do now.
Yeah, lots of stuff to prepare. Busy.
Okay. We love you.
Thanks for watching.

Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week.

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