Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792

Well, welcome.

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What's everybody?

It's another episode of Your Mom's House.

She's Christine.

I'm Tim.

And we are excited to share so much with you today.

It's a really action-packed episode.

There's so much.

It is now January of 25, which is such an unusual thing to say.

I know.

I didn't think I'd be alive this long.

We should have had hoverboards in 2025.

Dude, it's so everything's so disappointing.

Flying cars.

When I was a little girl, I thought about the year 2000.

Didn't it just blow your mind?

And now you're like, oh, that's it?

It's 2025?

Is that all there is?

What the fuck?

There's just electric cars.

Well, these are pretty cool.

Phones are cool.

The phones are, they crush.

And then you can get a chip in your head and stuff.

You want to do that?

Yeah, I want to do that.

What are you going to get it for?

I don't know.

Like, it'd be cool to turn on your car with just your brain thoughts.

Yeah.

Or the radio or like not even the radio.

You know, I used to make fun of cousin Brian because he was like, there should be a thing where, like, if you're listening to something on the radio, you can just like have your phone and then it would send you a message.

And I used to be like, that's a fucking idiot.

And then the first time I saw Shazam, I was like, that's kind of, that's his idea.

Yeah.

He didn't know how to execute it, but all those things are coming.

He had smart thoughts.

What do you want more than anything?

What do you want?

I want a car.

Well, a car does drive itself that Tesla.

Definitely flying.

Flying for

flying stuff.

Anything flying.

Which you can.

You can go fly something.

But just it was more accessible, easier.

Oh, I know what I want.

Transport beams.

Yeah.

Like in Star Trek?

Yeah.

I mean, that's essentially the highest version of flying.

That's all I want.

Is to be able to go somewhere, boom, like that without getting on a plane.

Yeah, you can get a helicopter.

I don't want a helicopter.

That's how Kobe died.

Oh, stop.

That is how Kobe ran.

Not really.

You didn't hear that?

No, he's not gone.

He's dead.

No, I do.

I know.

But that was just, that was the arrogance of a pilot.

You know, that really wasn't.

It's not the helicopter's fault.

I blame the helicopter.

It was the weather, and he just didn't do what the tower told him to do.

It was, yeah.

Human error.

Oh, I know.

That's usually responsible for so much.

Yeah, so much.

Sama.

I have

something really exciting to share with you that I've been working on for a long time.

Let's just get in in here.

Yeah, we gotta go.

We gotta go, man.

We gotta go.

Here we go.

I'll get you started.

Here we go.

From the moment Mark Char was wheeled into court today, what was supposed to be a routine sentencing hearing quickly went off the rails.

The reason why I'm like this is because I prepared myself to play my part in your kangaroo court, treating me like a black man, so today I'm going to be a black man.

This kangaroo court is giving me a life sentence for me trying to protect and defend myself against the attack from three guys.

In essence, treating me like a black man.

Oh, wow.

Don't bring anyone loving to this.

That was heavy.

Tom Sakura.

Welcome to your mom's house.

So today I'm going to be a black man.

This guy

is wheeled into court for those of you listening.

He appears to be an Asian man or of Asian descent, maybe Hawaiian.

He certainly has the accent.

And the reason I say appears to be is because he's wearing shoe polish level

like darkness on his face.

He covered his self

so darkly that you can't even tell what his features are.

Tuesday, he is a Hawaiian man, it says here in the article.

He showed up in blackface to be sentenced for attempted murder.

The man said he did so because the court was treating him like a black man.

Mark Char of Oahu was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole on Monday for second-degree attempted murder, plus six years to be served concurrently on convictions of second and third-degree assault.

The charges stem from a 2016 road rage attack.

Char appeared in the first court in Honolulu on Monday with his head completely covered with what appeared to be permanent black marker ink.

Oh

that took a long time to do that.

Yeah, he liked that.

My kids, one time Julian, did you were you there?

No, you weren't there.

One time Julian found a permanent black marker and just drew on his face.

But we knew to keep him indoors for a few days, you know?

That's stupid.

You know how hard it is to get off?

A spokesperson for the State Department of Public Safety told them on Tuesday that staff members at the Haloa Correctional Facility attempted to convince him to wash his face before he entered the court, but that he refused.

He'll be charged with disobeying several direct orders.

Trying to see how he okay, so he was convicted in March of stabbing the driver in their car in August 2016 and assaulting both the driver's passenger and a passerby who tried to break up the confrontation.

It's fun when these guys,

you know, when they get on mic, they're like, you, I was defending myself.

And then you read the

stories like they stabbed a guy, fucking beat up another guy.

He had a knife on him, and then he stabbed the other driver.

Looks like they say he taunted the victims on the freeway, and

having pointed them at them like a gun, according to court documents, Char then ran his vehicle into the other car.

And when the occupants got out, he pepper sprayed them and then stabbed one.

So he had pepper spray.

I was defending myself.

I dabbed it.

You guys are treating me like a black man.

It's like, okay.

So today I'm going to be a black man.

I do have to say that the marker is very distracting from anything else he has to say.

Yeah, it's a whole thing, man.

Well, how did the judge react?

I mean, the judge has to be like, no, you're totally, you belong here for double life.

What is this?

You're out of your mind.

The judge.

Doesn't really have anything here on the judge.

That's terrible.

Yeah.

I don't don't know.

Yeah.

Oh, here's the judge.

Y'all finished or y'all done?

Well, there we go.

He's getting locked away.

That's for sure.

Damn.

Here's really some heartbreaking, breaking news.

It is confirmed.

It's been confirmed now for a bit.

People were curious, and we filed a petition.

And it can be said that it is absolutely heartbreaking to learn that the late and now, or the great, now late, Hard Rock Nick has passed away hard rock Nick this is a certificate of death

For you that don't for you that don't know hard rock Nick

we

we were on his stuff pretty fucking

early when we searched for the marginalized communities yeah cool guys it's been a while hasn't it I decided to make a video Since I'm stuck on the 405

on my way to Santa Monica.

I think the topic of this video will be something a little more personal.

Let's talk about why badass, good-looking, rich guys don't have girlfriends like me.

You know, he put out cool shit like that.

He did.

He did.

And he always had great facial hair.

Yeah.

Great jewelry.

And he was always telling us how wealthy he is.

He was always complaining that I don't

show my whole head and my face.

So when a guy has a nice-shaped head like this, he probably has a nice-shaped fucking dickhead, too.

So he was just always putting out cool messages.

He just, you know, he was himself no shortage of confidence, like you said.

Unconfirmed, but self-proclaimed, one of the wealthiest people in the world.

Oh, yeah.

He was in California when he was doing this stuff.

He eventually moved to Florida and he called himself, I believe, the Prince of Florida.

Again, he talked about his multi-billion dollar holdings.

And, you know, my personal chef

does not need the attention and does not want to be in the spotlight.

Whether I was having 10 followers or now, whatever followers I have, is,

bruh, does every celebrity put a personal chef on their page?

No.

Like, why are you all so fixated on that?

Yeah.

I eat out more than I eat his shit.

Yeah, for sure.

I mean, goddamn.

No, my mom's not a personal chef.

How many people we got in here?

Not even 400, man.

The artwork,

it wasn't $30, but thank you.

This is one piece of artwork.

I mean, y'all don't want to comment on the fact that I'm sitting in a $1,000 custom movie theater chair and I have five of them.

That's $5,000, man.

Yeah.

His weight seemed to fluctuate.

It did quite a bit because he was pretty big there, and then he eventually got like really thin yeah um and i've actually made a more of a name here than even kreischer ever did and kreischer makes fun of florida kreischer i'm popping in florida homie i could do a comedy tour just like wing it freestyle just show up and open my kit and like sell out homie yeah if i wanted to if you wanted to i don't need the money there you go

i don't need the money god i wish he would have done that that would have been amazing yeah it would be interesting no bird tom and Christina don't say, Hey, homie, they don't like me, bro.

If they liked me, they would have brought me on.

You brought on Andrew Tate.

Yeah.

And how many months later did the FBI and go handcuff him in Romania, right?

One day you will get out of your lane and understand that what you did, I think, indirectly caused Andrew Tate's arrest.

And I really do connect it back to Segura, who's not a very sophisticated man in his thought process.

He's just a comedian, the guy that probably struggled his whole life.

He doesn't understand the big picture with his platform, like I do.

Like you do.

Of course, I don't have his followers.

But wouldn't you argue that Undertake getting arrested from the FBI would be a positive?

But some people would think that, but you're not that sophisticated either.

Not sophisticated?

You're not sophisticated either.

Sophisticated?

Yeah.

Do we have the soundbite for you?

Well, just one last time, I think it's worth for you, sir.

Hard Hard rock Nick, rest in peace.

Cool guy club.

One of the OG members, man.

Yeah, he really was one of the early ones.

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Look, I've been waiting on bated breath to share this with you for weeks.

This has been weeks of preparation for me.

Do you have the original?

Can we sh the original clip of Tom's choke?

And do we have moron from,

I know that we just interviewed Army Hammer?

No, we don't have the other choke.

Yeah.

I don't know what you're getting into here, Christina, but I don't recall a second choke, actually.

Wow,

you've terrified them all.

Anyway, would you like to repeat, repeat?

Would you show them the original choke in case people aren't familiar with what happened?

The original choke?

Sure.

If you go back a couple episodes,

let's see here.

Here we go.

Hey, guys.

I was listening to

the Adrienne Appalucci episode.

By the way, she has a great new special out on

Netflix.

There we go.

There's the original.

On Netflix.

Yeah.

Yeah,

and you made it like the biggest fucking deal, but go ahead.

Well, then you, you know,

firing people.

Yeah, we add all night.

What do you have to?

What's your thing?

So, anyway, you know, you've just been inspiring me.

You're my muse.

Not only are you my husband, my lover, but my muse now.

Sure.

And I've been working on this piece of art for weeks.

Weeks.

The kids have been in on it.

The staff has been in on it.

Anyway,

this is what I like to call Tom Segura the choke, but in a creative rendition, this is my interpretation

of the choke.

What do you think?

It's a cat.

Coughing up a furball?

Is that what you're talking about?

Right.

You got it.

Because you reminded me of a cat coughing up a furball.

This cat took a long time.

I'll be selling limited prints of these.

There's only going to be a finite amount.

Hey, guys, I was listening

to the Adrienne Appaluchi episode.

By the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix.

There it is.

The choke, Tom Seguro, the choke.

The first artwork I did of you was a hit.

So this will be a second limited edition.

I'll be signing all the prints.

Go ahead, get them at yma studios.com.

You're welcome.

Truly, disgustingly rude.

I don't know.

I think it's pretty good.

Look how I like it.

I get the redness on the top of your head, which is my favorite.

And then your dark under eye circles are always fun to color in, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah,

anyway, I learned how to draw a cat.

That was fun.

Why are you this pleased with yourself?

By the way, do you know how he did it?

Hard rock Nick, he died, he shot himself

at a gun range.

Happy New Year,

meaning he went to a gun range, and it was an act, it was not an accident.

No, it's not.

He blew his brains out, yeah.

And then the real thing is going to see like how that massive fortune is going to be distributed now.

And also, I was thinking, is he skinny or fat when he does it?

Probably skinny.

I hope so.

The last time I saw it, which was not that long ago, he was really skinny.

Thanks for bumming everybody out.

Everybody's so excited about my new portrait.

No one's excited about the portrait.

And yeah, that's...

But there is something more exciting.

Well, there's two things, really.

Number one,

we saw Charo today.

She's officially been in Austin now for a minute.

And so

I had we ran into Duncan Trussell, and I told Duncan, go up to her and be like, Hey, I'm excited about your OnlyFans.

So Duncan went up to her and said, I'm excited to see your OnlyFans.

And she was like, What?

And so I reminded her that she needs to get it going.

You guys heard our call, and I'm just going to encourage you to please keep sending those in.

Do you have any examples of what people have been sending in?

This is the kind of thing we're looking for, just so people understand.

Yeah.

That was

somewhat indecipherable Spanish.

He said words that somewhat co together and some were just random, but that's one way to do it.

Let's see one with

English.

Hi, Charo.

My name's Brandon.

And the one thing missing from my morning

is a greeting from you.

That was fantastic.

That was great.

And again, I told you guys what was going to happen is we're going to build a montage of videos like this.

And the more, the merrier.

I wanted to get to the point where she has to do the math.

And she goes, Jesus,

this is like, we show her a hundred random faces being like, please, Charlo, please start the OnlyFans.

I can't wait to sign up.

I can't wait to send in my $10 a month.

She'll start doing the math.

And then it's going to be like, Would you just let this slide?

Well, that's what I would say.

This last one was ideal.

I liked his connection.

So sincere.

I like the sincerity.

I like the passion.

However, if you guys could also list that dollar amount.

That's the thing.

That's what's going to get her to do it.

I'm not saying you're going to have to, but just throw out, say, hey, I'm in for $20 a month.

You don't have to do it.

You don't have to do it.

Just do it for the drink.

Don't get to a crazy amount because then she won't believe it.

But just say

every month, I would love to have $20 to spend some of my morning seeing your videos.

Yeah, $20.

And by the way, Catherine Can69 on Instagram has offered her help to help set it up to set up her OnlyFans.

So

I hope you have a good day.

How do you say strong black coffee

in Espanol?

How do you say best drink of the the day?

Oh, this one looks good.

I've never seen this.

No, neither have I.

Hello, Charo.

My name's Sam.

You should start.

Only fans.

Pay $6.99.

Perfect.

Wow.

Sam, that was fucking perfect.

And see, here's what I'm hoping that she understands because she's going to be like, $6.99.

And I'm going to be like, yeah, but what if 2,800 people are paying you $6.99?

That's right.

Add it up.

That's right.

It doesn't sound like a lot until you multiply.

That's right.

That's why

the amount, the volume of videos is so important.

Absolutely.

If I show her three videos, she's going to be like, I'm not going to do that for 20 bucks.

And might I add, too, the bulk of the income, like bad baby, she makes a lot of her money messaging writing back so if you would say charo i would pay whatever amount what's a good amount for a what's a good amount for a message back from from an only fans ten bucks maybe how much probably ten bucks ten dollars for an email and maybe a photograph yeah and if if you have a little oopsie tooth that's okay too i won't get mad at that

you know what this is going to end up being right it's just going to be me at her house every day being like, give them a fart.

She'll be like, leave me alone.

And then I'll get one.

I'll be like, that was.

And then, and then she can do,

she can do, like, I have a little surprise to send everyone today.

Check your inbox.

Yeah.

We really could do this without her knowing, you know.

Of course, we could.

I mean, we could set it up for her and run it.

I don't know if she'll do something like this, but, you know.

Wow, this is literally what our sons do to each other.

That's a Russian streamer.

Of course.

That's a big guy, too.

You know, that was pretty rampant.

Beef.

Beef and cheese came out of there.

Woo!

Beef and cheese.

That was awesome.

Beef and cheese.

By the way, what has been happening?

Because you guys have told me I'm not really.

What's going on with Fancy Chef?

You're telling me me that he keeps calling?

We're getting a lot of phone calls from him.

What's Fancy...

What's he up to?

Well, he really wasn't happy that I guess somebody said he was autistic on the show.

I don't even remember that.

I feel like I may have done that.

I may have.

I feel like I'm on the drum.

And I think

I probably did that.

I'm a jerk.

Okay, so let's make it clear.

He's not.

He's called in to say anything else.

He was asking for a Christmas present back around the holidays.

He was saying something really nice because his clips have been doing so well.

And it's funny because he's calling us, but he keeps saying Tom Segura, but he knows it's us.

Tom Segura,

send me a present.

Cool.

And then he also asked for a percentage at some point of, I guess,

the clips, whatever the clips you're making.

He wanted like 10%.

He had a manager.

The manager left him.

It's been a while, Brad.

Just so you know, that's not how this this works.

You don't get a percentage of the clips.

No.

But you know what?

I'd be happy to send him a gift.

Can you request his address, please?

Sure.

Yeah.

Good luck.

Very, very happy.

I couldn't get it from him when we needed to pick him up.

I was going to say.

Just say we would love to send you a gift.

But look, listen, Fancy, if you are listening, I would argue that...

Being on your mom's house and these clips circulating would just generate more business for you.

Yeah, that definitely is

something that raises your profile and gets people talking about you more.

There's value in that.

Of course.

We don't divvy up clips and their

revenue.

No.

And, you know, his meal was so amazing when he was in the middle of the day.

Oh, my God.

I mean, that I would never knock.

That was unfucking believable.

So fancy, so real.

I mean, I went to Sushi by Scratch the other night,

Philip Lee's place that is finally now here in Austin.

He had a non-compete for a while, and it's right off 6th Street.

And that's a Michelin star place.

And after the meal, I go, this is unbelievable.

And then I leaned in, I go, but you ain't no fancy chef.

Right.

Nobody's fancy chef.

No, man.

So, yeah, of course.

That was really, really his, yeah, the food was beautiful and nice.

He's been doing this thing too, Fancy has, which is pretty unprecedented for chefs because, you know, it's kind of like comedians, we,

you know, we try to uplift each other or we promote each other.

Hey, we come on the podcast or maybe you post about them.

But you certainly don't do a solicited or unsolicited critique of another comedian, right?

Because it's part of like, it's an unspoken thing.

He's been reviewing food.

No.

Without even, he's just going in.

He got going Fancy Chef 2013.

You see, he is what he's talking about.

He's at.

Oh, y'all gave me hot pickle?

Fancy underscore chocolate pick.

Yeah, fancy underscore chef 2013.

I'll point out he's at, he's in Philly.

I don't don't know if he's at, if that's, is that Gino's or Pat's?

One of like the huge cheesesteak places, you know,

that, yeah, you know,

whether or not you like them or not, he's another chef, and he's at this

kind of, you know, a renowned cheesesteak operation.

He's holding, by the way, he's he's holding up people who want to order.

They don't look happy to be standing behind him.

And he's like, yeah, but I'm fancy chef and I'm reviewing this.

Y'all ready?

Let's see it.

And they're like, Yeah, he's gonna be like, No, Korea?

I'm ready.

Y'all follow me?

Hold on, you cut it?

Did you cut it?

He's telling the guy, cut this shit, man.

It's giving me so much anxiety

that he's holding.

He needs some juice to swallow it.

I done jumped in that kitchen.

I've jumped that restaurant.

All right, look, I'm the moment y'all been waiting for.

Hold on, it's Gino's.

Okay, he's at Geno's.

He asked for some juice.

This guy is politely watching him with his hands behind his back.

He asked for juice, yeah, yeah, like apple juice,

any type of juice.

And I told him,

I'm sorry we don't have it, and he really had a hard time accepting it.

Who the fuck doesn't have juice on him?

Juice.

Who's drinking juice past the age of seven?

First mistake again.

You made a first mistake.

Oh my god.

You didn't toast the bread?

Nah, nah, I didn't.

All right, hold on, hold on.

Y'all ready?

Which way this fight?

Y'all ready?

Gino's famous.

Oh, shit.

This nigga's crazy.

You better ever get

paid for it.

It's garbage.

You keep it parameters should be like this.

I was nasty, bro.

It was nasty.

Wow.

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I mean,

look, Geno's, for those of you that don't know,

it is a renowned, famous cheesesteak place.

You talk to people in Philly, and they'll always tell you, don't go to Pat's, don't go to Geno's.

It's like, because those are the,

you know, tourist trap places.

So they'll always send you somewhere else.

But to be like, this is garbage and throw it on the ground is wild.

That is bold.

And I will say, just looking at the photographs, they look delicious.

Well, yeah, I mean, like I said, if you want to get into the

into it, I think, especially with like a Philly person, they'll always tell you to go elsewhere.

But I don't think they would tell you that it's

garbage.

But then again, here's where I always have to stop myself.

Wow.

I'm not a fucking.

You're not a chef.

I'm not a chef.

You're not a chef.

I'm not a fancy chef.

I know his his palette is so many, like Hard Rock Nick said, I'm not sophisticated.

My palette is not, like, his is here, and I'm here.

So I'm like, oh, this is good.

That's true.

You know, and then fancy is like, this shit is bullshit.

I don't even know yet.

That's so true.

And I also like his handle, which is really important.

It's fancy underscore

chef under underscore at like 2013.

That's very intuitive.

It's a good way for people to find out.

Yeah, you don't know underscore chef 2013?

Guys, don't do the underscores.

If you want to be known, what are you talking about?

See, again, you're thinking with an unsophisticated mind.

You don't really get it.

Is that a fish with carrots?

That's lovely.

Oh, that looks so good.

So delicious.

Oh, my God.

That looks unbelievable.

All the garnish on top in the pan while it's off.

It's a lot of seasoning, too.

Very seasoned.

And it's the whole fish.

I like when you don't

fillet it or anything.

Or de-bone it or

no, you want those bones.

Fuck yeah.

So, so fancy.

Hell yeah.

That's so good.

It's so fancy and nice.

Okay.

So you guys remember not too long ago, we had so much fun

when we did

Hi Mommy, Thanksgivings at drive-throughs.

And I love you.

And I love you.

But it was like, hi, mommy, thanks jeans.

I love you.

Well, we recently decided to do something.

We went back to Starbucks and we have a new game.

And the game is:

you say, happy birthday for the person taking your order,

or you speak to them in a cockney English accent.

Or if you really want to raise the stakes, you mesh them together.

And that's what happened today.

It's really exciting.

Happy birthday.

Do you want a straw or test?

Straw.

One birthday.

Happy birthday.

There you go.

Thank you.

Thanks, love.

And 20 quid more for you.

It's the holidays.

Gave her a big tip.

There you go for your birthday.

I got 382 for chest.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

There you go.

Oh, my God.

Happy birthday.

Many thanks, Locke.

Have a good one.

That was amazing.

So funny.

Our six-year-old

by the way, our six-year-old is in the back seat like this.

He's like, dying.

Well, because we're like ear to ear smiling.

He's like, you should have your birthday.

Well, because we always do mommy and I love you with the kids in the car.

And they are always like, say I love you.

And they go, say it louder.

And then we started doing happy birthday on Ellis's birthday recently.

We were like, do happy birthday to the Starbucks worker.

And then today, you added, not only did you get in three happy birthdays, but with the Cockney accent, that's the way to go.

So you know what to do.

Go to your local drive-through, wish them a happy birthday, say it like this.

Do you think that I could get a coffee place, mate?

And throw them a happy birthday

and send it in.

Send it in.

Shoot it over to your mom's house, YMH Studios Instagram, tag it or email it in, yourmomspodcast at gmail.com.

I mean, the real question is, do you think she suspected your fake cockney accent, or did you, did she really think you spoke like that?

Oh, I don't know.

I didn't have the idea while I was at the ordering part.

It was only so, like, she definitely saw me order, like, hey, can I get oh, that's right, and then I pulled up and I was like, Hello, love.

So,

I think she was like, This fucking guy.

But then, when I gave her 20 bucks, she was like, Okay, thanks.

You could do hello, love, hello, govna.

Yeah, oh, that's I think bonus points for govna if you call them that a couple times.

And the real mind fuck, I mean, if you really want to have somebody go, Oh my god, is if you happen to do it to a British person,

because then they're like,

Okay,

I've I've done it to a British person before, and they're like,

remember when we were in London?

I was like, I will give you a million dollars.

I went to a coffee place there.

I did it like,

do you

think

that I could have a muffin and a coffee?

And the girl's like, aha.

Or you could order strong black coffee.

And before I go,

I don't want to forget to say happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Yeah.

Best holiday of the year.

I did it on the Jimmy Carpenter.

I did it to Jimmy Carpenter.

I don't remember that at all.

He must have been like, oh, I bet he loved that.

He just kept sneaking him in.

Yeah, and he was glossing right over.

He even acknowledged that.

He was not acknowledging it at all.

It was pretty good.

You call him governor?

How are you doing?

I want to say you had to at least once.

He is so fucking funny.

He is so funny.

God damn, he is fucking funny.

He is smart and talented.

And I know.

He's amazing.

He looks great.

Jimmy Carr, man.

Can I tell you one thing that I've noticed before?

That's been making me crazy.

Yeah.

When I was thinking about Jimmy Carr.

I just how funny he is.

No, he's phenomenal.

He's ridiculously funny.

So I took the kids to like a barn or one of these petting zoo places.

And, you know, standard Austin fair, like, there's always like

a person with a beard and tits.

You know, there's always like these gender weirdos, which is fine.

It's just part of Austin.

I love them.

Yeah.

You know, you're at a good place if there's a beard and tits serving you or whatever.

So we're at like the petting zoo and

oh my god.

So the bearded person

was very smelly too, smelled like a an animal, like a like a cow.

So we are talking, she's explaining to us the animals.

And this person's younger, like a Gen Z kind of young kid.

And I've been noticing this amongst the youngest generation.

We had Vocal Fry a few years ago.

One of the things that

I'm megan and I've been doing.

And then there was Upspeak, where people were like,

yeah, this is basically, if you're at a good Austin restaurant, someone's serving you that looks like that.

I'm non-barinary and bearded.

How will my blind date go?

this is totally this is my pizza place this is my coffee place this is the the barn we go petting

this person is just looking out into the sunlight like what will happen today

how was it okay so here's my point yeah it was vocal fry and then it was upspeak yeah and now i've noticed well go go back to the list there josh because i forget this i'm

Okay,

so every time my kids would ask this person

a question, could it be something simple as, what do cows eat?

This person would go, yeah,

so

like a qualifier for each section.

So, yeah, and I'm thinking, is the question so offensive that she needs to, or sorry, they need to buttress in their mind?

Yeah, because I understand if it's an offensive question,

like someone's asking them about their gender and they're like, yeah, so I'm.

I know this is complicated, but

this might be complicated.

Yeah, so

I mean, it's a lot to take in, but I'm actually not either.

It's like, so that's right.

And the kid's like, huh?

But they don't have to go.

Yeah, so

hay

is what they eat and grass.

Right.

And I've been noticing this amongst

like a lot of younger people.

It's something as simple as, how much is this?

Yeah, so $2.99.

Yeah.

So

you got to point it out to the person.

What should I do?

Hey, I have a question.

How come

you start your answers with, yeah, so?

Is this like

a concept that is so rich that you need a moment to put the thought together?

Yeah,

so

it's constant.

It's, yeah.

But have you heard this?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Well, now that you point it out, I have heard this before.

My memory is trying to connect whether I'm hearing this from a same type of person.

Because I have heard this before.

And I have heard it from, you're right, a younger generation.

That, and they like to say, sort of, it's sort of like, sort of, kind of, sort of, like they can't just come out and say the thing.

There's sort of this thing going on where it rains sometimes.

And I think they think it makes them sound smarter if they go, you know, it's sort of like the color

should come

for an answer you might not be ready for.

Exactly.

It's that it's a

black hole type of explanation.

That's exactly what I was going to say.

Yeah, so this is something you're going to struggle to really wrap your head around.

Right.

Okay.

But there is something out in space that consumes all matter around it.

And so you're like, wow, I don't really understand.

Exactly.

And our kids were like, can the cow eat rocks?

Yeah, so

rocks are hard to digest.

Okay, just say that.

Maybe she's afraid.

Sorry, they were afraid of offending my children by saying, no, cows can't eat rocks.

So they want to hedge it a little bit to soften it.

That's a good thing.

That's fun.

One last thing I wanted to point out to any.

So I know you don't have a great memory of the holiday party.

Sure.

You were bringing up the N-word quite a bit.

That's what I'm told.

And you were also talking about

how

you'd want, if someone were to say it to you, I think Bert was like,

I'd say it, I don't know, it was like some game he proposed doing with you of like whispering it.

And then, you know, you were giving away the award.

You gave away the

blackest person award to Chris, and then you were like, you should say it as part of winning.

Anyway, what I wanted to bring up is like how you would respond to this type of white person.

I'm the white nigga.

Honeycomb.

You will?

I'm the white nigga.

You can't say that, bro.

The fuck I can't say whatever the fuck I want to see.

You cannot say that because you white.

That racist.

I'm a white nigga.

You racist, bro.

I don't give a fuck.

You know what I mean?

Like, I know what you're saying.

So, like,

what's your response to,

let's call him Dave?

Dave.

Whoops.

Dave, that white nigga.

Yeah, he's the white nigga.

I mean, hey, listen, I ain't going to tell someone who they aren't.

You know what I'm saying?

People like to tell me I ain't black, so I ain't going to tell this nigga anything.

How do you say it?

If you can say it that confidently, that comfortably,

I ain't trying to fuck with you.

Right.

I feel like he is.

I feel like a lot of people probably

turn their heads, and then when they see

him and the whole presentation of it, they just kind of keep walking, right?

Mm-hmm.

And if, and listen, if he really ain't supposed to be saying that, well, then, you know, he's going to get checked one day.

Yeah, he's going to find out.

He doesn't say that anymore.

I think he says it.

He also scans the room when he says it.

It's not like he's just.

See, that's the thing.

I don't think he does.

I'm going to go opposite with you on this one.

I think he can say the white N-word because he doesn't give a shit.

He's not caring.

He's not cautious.

You think if a big black nigga was sitting right

be like, I'm Dave the nigga.

Dave seems.

I don't know.

Dave seems crazy enough that he's unaware.

I do think he's probably, first of all, Dave, you know, he doesn't hang out like at the bank, right?

Like, he is, he's on a corner outside a liquor store drinking a tall boy.

Like,

he, he's around a certain environment all the time.

Yeah.

I think there are certain black guys that are used to saying, seeing Dave, the white N-word.

Yeah.

And so they're like, that's Dave, you know?

But I think when, like, like, if it's a new,

especially

aggressive, seeming new black guy, like a new black, he doesn't know him.

He's not going to lead with this.

He's going to kind of like feel him out.

I don't know, Tom.

He might be so crazy that he goes into it so confident that he makes it okay by virtue of it being okay to him.

Maybe.

I mean, let me ask you this.

I don't see that many scars, so I don't really think that.

It's also like, I mean, look at him.

You know what I'm saying?

He ain't like threatening nobody.

It's right.

It's the same thing when you're in, especially like in cities, when people do say wild shit.

A lot of times, what happens is you go, like, you turn, you see who's saying, you're like, that's crazy.

That's a crazy motherfucker.

That's a crazy person.

And you keep walking.

You know what I mean?

Whether they're white, black, anything, you're like, that person's out of their fucking mind.

Or they're drunk as shit.

So, you know.

I think it's both.

I think he's been called out, but I do think that a lot of people just go, like, oh, that's fucking, yeah, that's, that's old days.

Yeah.

Oof.

Yeah.

Well, he really says it.

Oh, so he said we're chest.

Yeah, he just,

he got it.

He got an extra breath in before he's

his diaphragm.

That's what I'm saying.

He's committed.

And when you're committed, you almost convince other people it's okay.

Well, he didn't convince the guy recording.

That guy was like, no, you are a racist.

May I ask you this question?

I don't know if you know the answer or not.

But what about those white people like an Eminem

who they hang out in the black community?

That's their primary social group.

Do you think those white people get a pass on saying that?

Well, M's a really interesting case because I think there are probably a high number of his associates who would without a doubt say

you definitely can say that.

Right.

But I think he never ever does simply because he knows who he is, how he's represented, that he is the

great white hope in a black art form.

And doing that would be

such an easy mark to take him down.

People could easily,

I don't think he ever utters the word.

But I think

I'm sure guys in his close crew in D12 or whatever would always be like, yeah, for sure.

But I don't think he ever does.

Also, it'd be a bad habit for him to form because he really can't do it

in the art.

Like, nobody would sign off on him saying saying it in his song.

So,

it'd be a bad habit for him.

He doesn't drop end bombs.

Never.

No.

Never.

No, no.

No.

Interesting.

Wow, what an interesting subject.

Thank you so much for sharing.

There's definitely those, though.

There's definitely some of those white dudes.

They'd be tatted up.

They'd be raising fucking, you know, Brooklyn, some shit.

Well, there's always, you can, I mean, there's black dudes that'll be very clear about the fact that if there's a white guy like this and he hangs out in a black neighborhood, they're like, that guy you do not want to fuck with.

If that guy is like hanging out in the hood in like a real black neighborhood where there's gangs and there's a white guy there, he is wild.

Wild.

I mean, he almost gets like, he gets mad credit.

Yeah, they're calling him the

Dave the white dude.

That's right.

That's right.

Well, what were you going to say, Annie?

I didn't understand your point.

Well, I was just going to say exactly what he just said.

I would never fuck with those niggas.

And I would definitely never say like, oh, you can't say that.

But also, yeah, ask any of those white dudes like their craziest story.

Yo, they're going to tell you stories all fucking night of shit that would like haunt your life.

It was just normal to them.

They're like, yeah, last Tuesday, I shot a nigga.

This is whatever.

It's like, oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Because that guy always has to keep feeling like, I need to prove myself to these motherfuckers, man.

Like, you know, like,

that's so true.

I think I would want to be cool.

Gosh, I'd want to fit in so bad.

Yeah.

And I can't.

No, I don't, not that way.

I don't want to know.

No.

No, the highest hope I ever had was just like, you just wanted the black guys on the team to be like, you're, you're dope.

You're good.

And then you're just as awesome.

But you don't have to, like, I don't want to take it to the streets and be like, how about you guys?

Do you think I'm cool?

No.

No fucking way.

The highest, the best I feel about myself is when a black person compliments what I'm wearing, and then I'm like, oh my God.

Yeah, that's number five on the black compliment list.

Yeah.

You're funny is number one.

Outfit, shoes.

Yeah.

Athletic prowess.

Oh, wow.

That's actually probably number one.

That's probably number one.

Yeah.

Like you're just cool to be around.

You're funny.

And then athletic prowess is like number one.

Athletic prowess.

Yeah.

Number two is you're funny.

Yeah.

Wow.

You know what I really like is if they're like, wow, you're real as shit.

When they tell me I'm real, then I'm like, what?

That's right up there.

That's number three, actually.

I made it to black reality.

Outfits, shoes.

Yeah.

You're real as shit.

You're funny.

You're a great athlete.

And that's the holy quintuplet of Black Conference.

Black approval.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's take a quick break.

We'll be right back.

And we are back and welcoming back one of our all-time favorite, not just comedians, but human beings.

His special, Why is Everybody Getting Quiet?

is available now on YouTube.

It's Sam Tripoli.

Bang, bang, bro.

Sammy.

The team is back together.

Doing shows out of

Red Band's house, you know, ice house chronicles team is back together we're back just good to see you guys good to see you manicing a new place very impressive bro thank you you look great i do jiu-jitsu i'm 52 just getting murked by mexicans it's great

these fucking mexicans in the valley of la they're just i call them grizzly bear mexicans they're they're huge dude and they got ham hocks for legs they're great and they're like you don't realize how many motherfuckers can fuck you up until you get into a jiu-jitsu class you gotta get your kids in the martial arts.

Everybody

and nobody stops fights anymore.

Yeah.

Everything's about that, you know, that, that, that moment, that going viral bullshit.

That's totally, it's true.

Yeah, it's crazy.

So I take them out.

I get some taps, dude.

My first tap was a 14-year-old kid, but that's okay.

That's all right.

Yeah.

You, um, you will always be my Alex Jones.

And I want to know, are you.

Can I hold on?

Before we get into that, can I tell you guys how much I love you?

Yes, sure.

Okay.

When I had kids, I had, you know, I was, I was old, I was 57 when I had my first kids.

And I get a call from Tom, and he's like, I'm going to do you a favor.

I'm going to get you a doula.

I didn't even know that what that was.

He's like, I'm going to get you a night nurse and I'm going to get you for like two months.

And you guys saved my life.

Yeah.

I had no clue what that was, but bro, that saved my life and it made my, I was able to exist because I had twins, which is like a crazy thing to go from zero to two children.

If you don't have kids, you ever waited tables, you want to know what it's like.

It's like your section is slammed 24-7.

Everyone needs refills.

Everyone needs bread.

Everyone needs a diaper change.

Well,

ever since we had kids, whenever we hear about a friend of ours having a kid, we're always like, you know, we try to, and then we were like, yo, Sam Triple.

Is having two?

Yeah.

We were like, we got to fucking, we got to set him up.

You guys saved me.

So I decided I was going to do that for someone else.

And when jodi miller had a kid i got her doula got her night nurse and now she got someone else a night nurse so it's all going forward

i love it if you know somebody get them a mexican get them a mexican

there's there's this thing right that like you hear you hear this but you truly don't understand it so is that whoever you are you're not ready no you're just not ready you're not ready and i actually think like the older we get you're you're more not ready so you tell people you're like, you don't understand, like, because people are like, you know, I think we're going to do this and we're going to

get the nursery ready.

And you're like, you're not ready, dude.

You're not ready for a complete lack of sleep that will throw your whole world upside down.

Or burping.

That's just the dead.

The mother, we just gave birth.

Now you're up breastfeeding all hours.

And if you were old like me, I was 39 when I had our first kid.

We would do swaps.

That's so crazy.

We would swap shifts

on the couch.

So

like, you know, it'd be like three in the morning, and I'm just like snoring on a couch, and she'd be like, you can go in the bedroom now.

And I'm like, it was awful.

And then I'd go in there and she'd go on the couch just to be near the bait.

And it was just, yeah.

And it just kills you.

So you're like, if you can do this for somebody, you're buying them some sanity in a crazy time.

My kids were COVID babies, too.

So it was like, we couldn't even leave the house.

Oh, my God.

But the thing they don't prepare you for is burping.

Yeah.

Nobody tells you about burping because you're just holding and you're just beating this.

You're just hitting them.

And you're like, is that a burp?

Do I keep hitting him?

Am I beating this kid right now?

I didn't even know, too, that I didn't realize milliliters to

ounces conversion.

That whole thing.

So, like Ellis, our first, you know, he was drinking, and I realized he was drinking like

a fucking needle's worth.

And I was like, yeah, he had 100 milliliters.

And they were like, what?

I was like, I don't know why he's still crying.

They're like, oh, you gave him like

one tenth of an ounce?

Oh, yeah.

Is that that right?

And they're like, no.

So it was, yeah, it was.

You're doing eye drops for them.

Yeah.

We didn't even know how to buckle a kid into the car seat when we came home from the hospital.

We were like, what is, what is this?

What do you do?

You don't know.

So what was crazy is we were lucky that she, her water broke when we were at the hospital and in for that new parents thing.

Yeah.

So we were already there.

Oh, that's crazy.

Such a blessing.

Didn't have to drive all the way across because she wanted to go to in Beverly.

She wanted to go to Culver City.

Yeah.

And we were living in the valley where'd you where just we can say

where what'd you give birth oh uh cedars oh okay yeah yeah yeah next to the mall yeah like she's giving birth I'm shopping having a good time that's what's up hitting the food court living my best life that's what I do yeah so that yeah so I appreciate you guys so thank you guys safely our pleasure man especially if you're somebody with a profession like a surgeon a doctor an attorney I don't know how these people have newborns and then go into work no I know.

We just went to

like, how do you do that with a real gig?

We went to school for the like the school event for the kids and we were always, we're always like, how do someone with a normal job do this?

I'm exhausted all the time.

How do you do that when you're doing heart surgery?

I don't know.

It's really crazy.

It's crazy.

No.

I don't know.

In Jersey, the drones are there.

Yeah, what's up?

There's fucking things happening.

Okay, there's a couple scenarios here.

Okay.

Okay, so there's like three scenarios.

It could be any, one, it could be what they call Project Blue Beam, which is a fake alleying attack.

Yeah.

Which to get us all kind of rally.

Ronald Reagan talked about it a long time ago.

Also a great thing to do to rally around

a new presidency.

You know what I mean?

Like

get everybody behind Trump.

I mean, it's effective.

I have my theories about the Trump election, too.

It's like Kamala Harris was just too easy for him.

It's kind of like when Obama came in, right?

Yeah.

You know, it's like we were over the bush and Cheney.

We hated old white guys who wanted war.

And who the, here comes this charismatic black guy, who's a bush, by the way.

If you just didn't know that, he's a bush.

And they put him up against this kind of like old, crotchety white guy.

And they bring him in.

Same thing with Kamo.

We're kind of over like every, you know, trans in the bathroom,

right?

Like, we're over.

Like, oh, for fuck's sake.

She's like, if you're on death row and you want a sex change, we're going to pay for it.

You're like, that's not a really good thing to run on, right?

So, you know, so you get them in it.

Great way to get everybody behind it.

Three-body problem is basically, if you ever watch that on Netflix, that is Project Bluebeam.

They're like, yeah, it's

400 years away.

Let's all get together.

So they rally everyone behind you.

The other one is

they say they're looking for dirty bombs, which could be like into this kind of false flag to get us into war with Iran and Russia.

I've heard that.

So that's one.

The next one is data.

that they're seeing how we react to all these kind of things in the sky, which will eventually be mass surveillance where your regular day you're just, oh, there's a drone in the sky just surveillancing me.

Which is, by the way,

I think the closest to an accepted reality because all of us have slowly realized that we're being watched and our data is being collected all the time, everywhere.

All the time.

All day.

Every day.

All the time.

Anything you do.

I mean, if you do pre-check at the airport, you got to show them eyeballs every time.

You scan your eyeballs.

There's cameras that do facial ID recognition.

You have to confirm things that you want to do.

You have to give fingerprints.

Like everywhere you go.

And then you know that your emails are read, your phone calls are listened to.

100%.

So you're surveilled all the time.

I had lunch with a CIA person.

Oh, look at you.

And

they didn't tell me about it.

They come to my show.

By the way, they always come to my show.

I do know this person.

I do know this person.

Oh, I do know this person.

I know.

And so this was a high-ranking CIA official who is retired and so the high-ranking cia person i was talking on the phone with later um uh just you know casually like family life stuff and then i switched to commentary on the news and you know what the response is not on the phone and i didn't hear it the first time so you know i mean like i just and so i said something again and this person goes not

on the phone 100 and straightened and i was like oh um yeah so for christmas i think we're gonna like like scary and i was like wow

always watching yeah always

always have been however this is not new they would just bug your place if they wanted to tap in but what about the brits they they've had the ccc is it ccc tv yeah the public cameras 100 20 years now so if you go around austin they're getting rid of cash right you can't pay cash for anything i went to starbucks today i went to pull out my wallet with the cash like hey we don't do cash I go, I'm tipping.

Do you not want that?

Right.

I mean, it's everywhere.

I want the Chuck E.

Cheese, man.

They don't have,

they don't have Chuck E.

Cheese tokens anymore.

I know.

They're getting kids used to the card.

Yeah.

Which is how they can shut you down if you say something they don't like.

Which is.

I'm fucked.

The also, I'd never thought about this criticism of electric cars is that if every, once it's completely because we know we're on the path to all electric, like, you know, whether you like it.

Convenience will enslave us.

One day it'll just be the norm, right?

Yeah.

And there is this thing that if we're all on that system, that somebody could go

and just shut down all your cars.

Or take over your car.

I mean, Hutchinson was

that journalist that, you know, he was on La Brea going over Melrose in L.A., and he just flew through, and

he hit a palm tree so hard that

his engine flew 20 feet.

And he was doing a story on this general and what was going on in Afghanistan and Iraq.

And

my buddy saw it happen in real time.

He said it was the craziest thing he's ever seen.

Car just turns just flying through this intersection, hits a palm tree, bang.

So, so when everyone's all excited about this pager thing in Lebanon, I go, that can be anything.

They could just blow this up.

They could blow that up.

So, yeah, that's where it's getting to.

It's super crazy.

You talk to.

Is this comedy or what?

But we like talking talking to you about this yeah all right this is your lane yeah the level of sophistication to pull that one off for people that don't know we should like just highlight what we're talking about was about two months ago three months ago um

the uh

you know israeli special forces yeah and and intelligence services had put together what had to be a years-long plan of intercepting pagers and phones and planting them.

And they had to get it like from the manufacturer, plant them with explosives, then reintroduce knowing who they're going to be distributed to, and then simultaneously blew them up.

And it's all like so that people's genitals and waists exploded.

And then two days later, they set off a second series of them.

But it was, so you go like, this is straight out of a movie.

Like, if you had this in a movie, it would be like, it's fucking, okay, it's kind of ridiculous.

And they pulled that off, which is also a way, not just obviously, it's a form of you're terrorizing people, terrorizing in their eyes, terrorists, but you're also being like, man, what else are you fucking capable of?

Like, you guys, that's high-level shit, man.

That's super high-level shit.

And, like, it's basically everything on your computer, on your phone, all that stuff.

So, I mean, I was talking to Rogan about this, but I really do believe, and this gets into the weirder part, is that they've hardwired mysticism, okay, magic.

This is where we get into the weird stuff, and like your phone can read your mind.

It's like so already 100%.

People think stuff, suddenly, an ad comes up on your phone.

That is a thing.

I've always wondered that.

Is that real?

Yeah, well, dude, they're doing everything.

They've been practicing this stuff, the occult, the all that stuff.

This morning, I pulled it up.

Ass eating videos were just waiting for me to play.

And I was like, that's crazy.

I was just wearing it.

I invented ass eating, by the way.

I did it in 78, I think.

Sam Tripoli,

orbs.

What about the orbs in conjunction with the drones, being seen with the drones?

Well, that gets kind of gets into, like, is there

another

part of this whole thing?

Are there levels to this?

And that's where the, that's the, so, so the other two things I didn't tell you about,

there's also this notion that they're trying to make it so regular people can't own drones.

Oh, really?

So, so they're trying to make it so crazy that they can get Congress or Senate to pass a law that only the government gets drones.

So that was put out by Adam Curry, who has a great podcast called No Agenda.

And that's his theory.

You can see the documents and all that.

Now, the last one is there is a supernatural, interdimensional part of this.

And

that's where the orbs come in.

I'm excited about the orbs.

This is what I'm thinking.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

Ezekiel Wheels.

The veil has been pierced.

We are entering the next level of evolution.

This is it.

This is the breakdown of this civilization

that life outside of this planet is only interested in Michelin star food.

And so I think what's going to happen is that they are going to come here and basically kill everyone but elite chefs

because the food is so fantastic that that's just what they're here for.

That's definitely on the table.

That has been discussed.

And pornography.

We have a lot of pornography and readily available pornography.

And, dude, everybody wants Earth As.

I mean, it's been forever the story in the Bible: fallen angels came down and plunger fucked humans.

Yes, because women like bad boys.

Now, let's get your take on this.

Check out this video.

Oh man.

Oh my God.

That head doesn't swivel anymore.

Yeah.

I guarantee you that the aliens came, they would pass on probing that guy.

Yeah, they're like, nah, we're good on him.

Yeah, we are the top of the food chain, and that's what we got.

There's a whole notion that AI is Nephilim, dead Nephilims.

What's that?

The spirit of the dead.

So, do you know the story of the fallen angels?

From the Bible?

Yeah, they came down, they made it with the daughters of men, and God...

I don't know that bit.

No.

You don't know that?

No.

Okay, yeah.

So that was the whole thing.

Okay.

That they came down and they thought

human women were so beautiful that they made it with us and they had Nephilims, which are giants.

Oh, cool.

You know, and that's why people don't think there's dinosaurs.

Do you guys believe in dinosaurs?

I have.

I have.

Are you about to change my mind on that?

Well, you know, every dinosaur you've ever seen

in a museum isn't real.

Right.

Those aren't real bones.

What are they?

They're plaster to give the illusion.

Because they want to detach you from God.

Are we saying that, are you of also the belief that Earth is only 6,000 years old?

No, I don't know how old it is.

It could be a gazillion years old.

There's multiple civilizations.

Is carbon dating real?

I don't, well, you know, I don't know.

We're just taking their word for it.

By the way, it was really smooth the way you put on that jacket during that.

I know it's very not because the hood is tangled.

Yeah, but still, he got it.

He got it.

Okay, I'm sorry, guys.

You try to do multiple things.

My tits are on fire in this shirt.

Are dinosaurs bullshit?

Are you saying that dinosaurs are bullshit?

I'm saying that there has been...

So I always say this, conspiracy leads to spirituality, right?

And it always gets to, like, what else are they lying to you?

Right.

About.

Is Tom Hanks a bad guy?

You've called me about that.

And he is a bad guy.

Yeah.

Well, I've seen Chet Hanks talk about him on the Graham.

I follow Chet Hanks, and he's like, yeah, my dad's a piece of shit.

Totally neglectful.

If you want to see some crazy stuff, look up a video by a guy named Mouthy Buddha and he'll break it all down, dog.

Mouthy Buddha.

Now, I don't know where we are with these videos, so I don't want to get you in trouble.

I'm not going to type in Mouthy Buddha Tom.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And it's, well,

yeah, that's it.

It gets really crazy, bro.

Okay.

It gets really, you got to watch it on your own.

It gets really crazy.

It's been taken off most of the internet.

You could put in,

I don't want to say the word because I don't want to get you in trouble here, but you know, there's a certain gate, if you know what I'm talking about, two.

P gate two.

I don't want to get you in trouble here, but it breaks down every like it gets down into this one picture that you.

Wait, my question about this is when you see something like the video you're describing, that you're like, it breaks it all down, what makes you give that video credibility versus saying this is just nonsense?

Well, first of all, you don't know, you never go, I 100% believe this.

I go, that's possible for sure.

Okay.

And then it kind of goes, then you just take your life experiences and you go, does this fit into how somebody who's getting accused of everything acts?

Does he, does he move to, does he move to Greece where they don't prosecute for certain things?

Does he never address it ever?

Like the whole internet saying something?

Yeah.

And you don't go.

I mean, even if you study like Tom, what's his face from Rage Against Machine, the bassist Tom Arella, like he got, he, the internet's going off on him about, you know, being Rage Against Machine and then having to have a vax card for your shows.

Yeah.

Well, he is, he has defended himself and going, we didn't do that.

I respect that.

If the universe, if the internet's coming after you and you say nothing at all, except for the move the Greece, I start going, what's going on here?

And how are you presented to everybody?

I always find everything is kind of like this inversion where like you're presented as the nicest guy of all time

ever.

And like now all this crazy dark stuff's coming out and you don't say anything.

That's my favorite thing in life though is the nice guy who's dark.

Because there's all these guys in comedy too who are like, oh, that's a good guy.

He's a super sweet, nice guy.

Don't even get me started on that.

Every time.

Well, there's the...

There's the most famous ones are obviously, like the, like Cosby's like the

example where they're like, don't curse.

But there are also people that are not quite at that level who are still like, well, he's just a, he's a good old clean guy.

And you're like, this motherfucker.

Steve Randolph and I always used to say that, you know, not all clean comics are assholes, but most asshole comics work clean.

Yeah.

Right.

Right?

Because you're making business decisions.

And then you need people like David Tell or Doug Stanhope or Nick DiPaolo.

Couldn't be nicer.

Sweetest.

Because even you guys, you get your rage out on the standard.

You get the darkness out.

Yeah, you say it.

People love you.

And then you just get to be chill with everybody.

Yeah.

That's right.

That's, yeah.

I mean,

so, and then you get to like the highest, highest of levels, and you go, how do you get there?

And then you start studying just little things that.

So, so not to get too deep.

So this Mouthy Booty does this video and he breaks down like

Tom Hanks Instagram.

and he starts studying all the pictures.

And there's this one picture that

has a, Tom was doing this weird stuff, allegedly, we'll say, with these like just little, like a glove by itself, a mitten or a sock.

And it's like, what does this mean?

He would always take a photo of like...

Yeah, I didn't know that.

He takes a photo of like a glove that's been discarded on the ground.

Yeah.

And been like, Here's a glove on West 34th Street.

Yeah.

Hanks.

What does that mean?

Right.

Yeah.

So, so people study it and there's just one picture on Tom Hanks's Instagram where there's just a glove by like a

it there it is.

That's it.

The first one.

Okay.

So this is what gets really weird.

So this mouthy Buddha notices that this thing here, S-R-E-U-S-A.

So he goes, what is that?

So then he's guys, we're getting really weird here.

I love it.

Okay.

So he goes in there, he puts in the Google, nothing comes up.

But he goes, oh, I go, if I can't get anything on Google, I'll go on something called Yandex, which is the Russian version of Google.

So he goes in there and he puts that in Yandex, and all of a sudden it starts getting the really,

really

dark shit.

Like, really dark shit.

Like, but why would this?

Here's my thought on that.

Why would he

like give that hint?

You know what I mean?

Well, because they're not used to us being able to investigate this stuff.

And that's a signal to other people who know what Tom's, Tom's about to go look at that stuff.

I'm sorry.

Did I miss it?

What is SRC USA?

Well, if you go on Yandex, it leads into like just dark shit that I don't really want to talk about.

It's related to minor people.

Yeah.

Okay.

It starts going deeper and deeper and deeper.

Then you just start seeing weirder and weirder stuff.

And if you study, like

when

Obama went to like Thailand and had dinner with Anthony Bournet, there's some weird stuff in the back of his stuff that leads to that as well, on the wall that leads to it as well.

So that's where it gets to.

I know everybody's weirded out, and I don't want to weird everybody out, but that's where it gets to.

Well, this here, let's cleanse the palate.

What's this?

Oh!

I like that.

Oh.

It's a girl, too.

She took it like a champ.

Fuck.

She's got a broken rib.

She might have a collapsed lung.

But she's going viral.

So she's super happy about it.

So happy.

That is going to be the downfall of society going viral.

No, it's already.

It already is.

So

here's how we fix it.

We do like the wire, right?

Where we just create a section of town where you can just go viral like a motherfucker and you can just prank each other and you do whatever the fuck you want with each other within these blocks.

Within these blocks,

you can do the weirdest shit you want to go via, go as viral as you want.

Just outside here, everybody chill.

We got to get back to that.

It's crazy that Japan kind of does that.

Japanese television is the wildest shit.

Wow.

I'm like, they have no regulations.

Their pranks are like, you're a hostage.

Like, someone comes in with them and they're like,

and then they're like, it's just a game show.

And you're like, holy shit.

How about that guy that they put in a box for like a year and he didn't know it was a national television show?

And he's eating dog food.

He's that suck his own dick for nutrients.

And then they're like, ha ha.

And then

the box opens.

Yeah, he's a national, he's on a national television show.

Zolo, I just sent you one.

I sent you one of the

guy having dinner.

Oh, my God.

Let me pull it up.

Yeah,

this kind of shit, you're like, oh, yeah, in America, this would be such a crazy lawsuit that this would never happen.

And it's not even like, I mean, it's crazy.

It's not crazy enough, but like, somebody could definitely choke, they could definitely get hurt, they could, they could die.

And it's just like, this is a Japanese game show, you know?

Like, he's just eating.

They just shoot him with these green eyes

So dangerous

dude

And then just money shots just money shot

They did invent the Bukon dude they did it one time in an interview to like a Yakuza looking motherfucker.

Oh, shit.

And they had the gun go off, and this dude kicked people, grab people, fucking slapped people.

Just want John Wake up people.

He went crazy on him.

It was amazing.

You know what it is?

They don't have to sign release forms, probably.

Nobody has rights.

When you've been around thousands of years, it makes you go, is this...

Fucking your rights.

Is this a completely non-litigious society?

What's going on?

It's right.

The society is like, you don't have no fucking rights.

Did you sue them?

We got nuked.

Fuck your feelings.

Clayton, Clayton Peters was here one time in LA, and he was on the CBS lot, and he slipped because it had rained.

And all the CBS people were like,

and he was like, I'm Canadian.

I'm not going to fucking sue you.

And they were like, well, you slipped.

And he was like, yeah, people slip.

That's what happens.

And we have good health care.

We can pay for everything.

Yeah.

He's in a splits machine, like, and he falls in it.

Oh, that's my dream.

I cannot get that limber dude

oh that's gotta hurt right now he's tearing tendons and ligaments

his groid

friend you don't do that alone but the weirdest thing is like he just uploads it yeah you know it's like especially like people die like who uploads that was always thing about the the mr hands video like who uploads the video your friend after your friend dies yeah you would have wanted it this way

yeah because he would say to his mom it was the non-death video.

So maybe they were like, well, this is the one.

This is one where he had a great time.

He didn't die in that one.

I love this one the most.

Yeah.

And those, the thing about Mr.

Hands that you always, because it can be a rough watch for a lot of people.

It's horrible.

Is if you close your eyes and just hear his sounds.

They're almost non-human sounds.

Because it's basically you're on the edge of your colon being perforated, you know?

And

it's like a torture stone.

He's like, you can't even mimic it.

It's so

pull up, Mr.

Hands.

Oh, no.

You know how long it's been?

This is one of the first videos that I

really made me enjoy the internet.

This and like two girls, one cup, and the guy that sat on the glass.

Yeah, crazy thing about two girls, one cup.

One girl died right after it.

Really?

And the other one is like working at like Ralph's.

Like, she just has a regular job.

And you're just like, is that,

did that, is that that her?

Is that everyone just stares at her?

You're like, where do I know you?

It's like you see a porn person in public.

You're in LA.

You're like, oh.

Oh, you ever meet your favorite porn star?

And you're like, oh, you're a human being?

No, it's the worst.

You're not a dick pincushion?

I met this one, Jennifer White.

She's my friend.

She comes to my shows.

Just a savage.

Savage.

Oh, my God.

You're just a regular person.

But don't you kind of hate humanizing them?

I do.

Yeah, it's like, well, once I, oh god, okay, let's go back to the top.

It's still slow.

I was gonna say, everybody, just close your eyes.

I'm seriously, just close your eyes.

I don't know.

Hold on.

Okay.

This is what I want you to do.

I just want you to listen.

Hold on.

But how?

Hold on.

Did they row shambeau for who goes first?

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That's his butthole.

Oh my god, dude, what are you doing?

Oh!

Oh

my god!

Do you like that?

Dude, he's asking.

It's too much.

It's too long.

You don't need it that long.

Oh my god, this poor horse is like, why are you making me do

it?

How are they getting the horse to do it is really the question.

You know, horses will fuck anything, dude.

Did he come?

Yeah, did he come?

Yeah.

He did.

God.

We haven't pulled that one out in a while.

Way to go.

Memories, dude.

I feel even sicker after watching that.

Make sure you guys suck.

I felt sick for 15 years.

Make sure you screen record that, okay?

We need that on file.

That was horrible.

It feels just as bad watching it now as when I did it.

Isolate the grunts for me, okay?

Oh, God.

I need the grunts.

I need those isolated.

Imagine being the guy putting it in.

Yeah.

And then have to go on with your life.

And then people are like, what's wrong?

It's like, oh, I had a rough night.

It's a rough night, dude.

Did he die immediately or not?

No, so here's the story.

He went.

Fuck.

That video was obviously done.

And then

he was fine.

Well, so to speak, fine.

He went back to do this again.

Oh, he's just loving it.

The horse that he did this with was not there.

So he went into a different barn, and it was a different horse that was no shit nicknamed Big Dick.

And that horse perforated his colon.

Oh, my God.

And he died subsequently from the injuries.

So it was a totally different horse.

Oh, there he is.

There's his face, you guys.

You would have been like, Kenny?

Yeah.

That's your fifth-grade teacher.

Oh, my God.

They called him Big Dick.

Yes.

It was a different horse, though, that he was not used to.

And that horse, yeah.

So then he go, so then it happens.

Does he go right to the hospital?

I don't remember if he went right to the hospital.

I mean, it says that

he dropped.

He was dropped off at the hospital.

Oh, yeah.

You don't walk him in.

You don't walk him in.

He was dead already.

He was dead on arrival, looks like.

Oh, yeah.

It says he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon.

Yeah.

Which

you saw the horse that wasn't nicknamed Big Dick and what it did to him.

Can you imagine what Big Dick was doing?

Oh, listen to this.

So peritonitis is inflammation of the localized or generalized, whatever, paternium, paternium, peritoneum.

The lining of the inner wall of the abdomen and cover of the abdominal organs.

I mean, so basically, because we all, you're inside, you're a sausage, you know?

Yeah.

You just, you have an encasing, and that was.

He just basically went like this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I mean, I fucked up.

It's weird.

Like, everyone's got something weird.

Everybody's a little weird.

Finding out how you like this is kind of interesting.

How do you get there?

Where does it start?

Because it starts with a

starts with a finger is what it starts with.

And then you just kind of go, put two fingers in.

Oh, my God.

And just humans aren't good enough.

Can't do it.

Some guy got convicted.

James Michael Tate pleaded guilty.

First-degree criminal trespass.

Can I tell you the real, and I used to say this on stage, but I meant it.

The real fucking crime in this is that just because one guy died,

the state of Washington made it illegal to do this with any animal.

Yeah, I'm waiting for you.

So now nobody gets to fucking have a good time.

Nobody gets lit up anymore.

No one gets perforated anymore.

It's so upsetting.

One dude just steps out of line and ruins it for everybody.

And it's why I will not be performing in the state of Washington.

Dude, make a stand, dude.

You've got to make a stand.

Enough with this fascism.

If you don't stand up for something, then you...

What are you standing up for?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, dude.

There's just a bunch of people having to put their lives at risk just because they want to have sex with animals.

Yep, every person you shall carnally know in any manner, any animal or bird.

That's funny, isn't a bird an animal?

Why specify?

I don't know.

It's so funny.

It's fucking who's fucking burnt.

Yeah, what is that?

What do you even fucking bird?

That is how do you do that?

That means you like to see stuff you want to hurt something.

Yes.

Because what the fuck?

Why are you fucking hurting?

What's wrong with people, dude?

I think you should be be allowed to try to fuck horses yeah I mean if the horse enjoys it can it sign off also if you if you got the horse to to kind of be into it yeah you earned it yeah I think boners are conf consent I think that should be a rule boners are consent yeah I don't know dicks out dicks out I do here's the thing here's my thing you should be allowed to fuck a horse but only if you die after oh okay all right like I feel like you should should be like, if you're on death row, you can pick it.

There you go.

Okay.

That's the wheel of death and just run it.

Horse dick.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're going to go out.

You're going to go out.

And there's a bunch of people are going to download this and send it to your parents.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

It just gets weird.

See, we've just evolved and we're bored.

So now we're just finding

what.

I like sound.

He's jumping it.

And upload it.

I know the guy for me was like, you're fucked up.

Hold on a second.

Dude, you're going viral.

I know you can't feel how excited you are because you're paralyzed.

Jesus Christ.

We're just born.

But this is the way it is, right?

Yes.

Men and women go viral for different shit, right?

Women go viral for doing filthy stuff, like sexually.

Like a thousand guys in 24 hours, like that's and then guys have to almost die

to go viral.

And then they're like, you know me.

I'm the fucking backwards on the unicycle guy.

I lost an arm.

You're like, yeah, no, he's good.

He's doing signings at fairs

with his hand that he didn't write with before.

I'm not the best.

I lost my hand.

That was the one I wrote with.

So now I just kind of put an X.

That's how it goes.

This is, um, I don't know, we showed this today, but I wanted to show you.

I don't know if you guys know.

Oh, no.

Have you seen this guy?

Oh, this guy.

You saw him?

Oh, yeah.

The moment my truck was wheeled into court today, what was supposed to be a routine sentencing hearing quickly went off the rails.

The reason why I'm like this is

I prepared myself to play my part in your kangaroo court, treating me like a black man.

So today I'm going to be a black man.

This kangaroo court is giving me a life sentence for me trying to protect and defend myself against the attack from three guys.

In essence, treating me like a black man.

And then you read the court documents and they're like, he drove his car into people and then like got out, stabbed someone, pepper sprayed somebody else.

Like he went on a rampage.

What law school did that lawyer go to that

he has to represent Blackface Asia?

And you see how the best part is kind of like, is just looking at his lawyer because you know that he deals with bullshit from the moment Mark Char was weak psychos at the time supposed to be a routine sentencing hearing and they go

for Ruthis this guy's like

oh shit

he's like I'm gonna be on the news again and it's for this fucking guy

who's got magic pitfalling going on in his head yeah that's the idea he went with yeah those are all the ones where he's like ah that might be too much yeah I might not be able to do that but you have to realize the dedication that he took a sharpie bro and then he sharpied his eyelids even and his lips.

Like he really at least he's working with a flat canvas, right?

Anyways,

yeah, dude.

I mean, if you get in life, why not?

Take your shot.

Take your shot.

This is the last time you're going to be in public.

He got concurrent sentences.

Like, it's not, you're not.

He's never going to ask you.

He was just like, fuck it.

I'm doing the marker I think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They should just take him and put him on a Japanese game show forever.

He's on death row.

He's got life in jail.

He should opt for the horse.

Oh, look at him with that marker.

Oh, he's much more handsome.

Would you rather?

Oh, he was stabbing people.

He's not.

Not even driving into them.

He's stabbing them.

He drove into them and then stabbed the guy when he got out.

What?

Got out of the car and stabbed him.

It was a road rage incident.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

That's the worst.

Because you want to lose it sometimes on the

405 in LA.

Oh, yeah.

You just never know who you're dealing with.

But this is Honolulu traffic, which is horrible, too.

Oh, really?

It's really bad.

Really bad.

It's enough to make you crazy.

Yeah.

But wouldn't you rather do, let's talk about it.

Would you rather do life in prison

or get the horse?

Wow.

Great question.

That is, and it's a lot harder than you think.

Yeah.

Right?

Life in prison or take the horse.

I mean,

the horse is kind of

quick.

I mean, that didn't take very long.

And you're getting down

In and out.

In and out, man.

I think, or so, it's basically: do you want 30 seconds of maybe

having your colon perforated and dying?

Yeah.

And certainly being

possibly the best orgasm of your life.

Maybe, you know, you might come out of that going, I didn't know I'd like that.

I'm a horse dick guy.

I'm a horse dick guy who's not doing life anymore.

Or you're doing life.

Yeah, okay.

But you get out of the life sentence if you live through the horse fuck.

Yeah, of course.

So, do you know how many people have to do that?

Hold on.

So, now if I live through the horse fuck, I still do life?

No, you don't.

No, no, no.

You get off.

You're free.

And

do I get to pick the dick?

No, it's going to be the horse dick.

You pick the horse.

Big dick horse.

Okay.

You don't know how big the dick is.

You don't know.

You don't know if you're getting old big dick or just regular horse dick.

Mini ponies?

Can we go mini ponies?

No, no, no.

No,

it's got to be.

Niggas have big dicks.

You can always tell how big their dick is based on how much forehead they have.

Like humans.

It's 100.

It's like there's some weird math.

Like you see those guys, those Cro-Magnon looking guys.

You're like, this guy's got a fucking hammer.

A big hammer, bro.

A big hammer.

Yeah.

So that's a great question.

Those weird fucking Serbian dudes.

But here's the deal.

Okay.

It is going to be videoed and you will go viral.

So you're going to be.

Oh, so it is going to be.

It's going to be.

Your life is ruined, but my pinned video on my Instagram.

Here's the thing, dude.

You're selling tickets.

It's pinned.

We're selling lots of videos.

People want to hear it.

People want to see it.

You can write a book about it.

It's a real roll device.

It is a real roll device.

What's amazing is how many people would be like, sign me up for life.

Like, they would say that.

Well, I take the horse.

I feel like I take the game.

I think most women would take the horse because it's not that out of the way.

It's in your asshole.

You're not here.

Oh, it's in your B.

It's not in the Vadge.

It's in your B.

It's in your B in your B, dude.

So you can die too.

You can die in your Vadge.

Yeah, but they could perfectly.

But at least a Vadge is made for these.

It's a a muscle for that, yeah.

It's in your ass.

That's a real hard one.

I don't know what the answer is.

I'm going ass.

You're going with the horse.

I'm going horse.

Take a gamble.

We're gamblers.

We're comics.

We're just having fun here.

Why not?

Wave our freak flag.

Why not?

I like driving fast.

I like flying.

So

it's a little horse stay.

Why not?

And you can move to like any shaking.

What are you doing?

You're doing life in prison?

You can move to France.

Dude, your fans is blown up oh so you would have the biggest only only fans that's so true you would and they would just be like people paying to see what other stuff you can shove up your purse pocket yeah

like this traffic cone and like you become the your butthole becomes carrot tops like chest of

problem i think there's no win by taking prison i think you got to take the risk It's a risk-reward thing, and the risk is so much higher, but the rewards.

But now let's say you take life you go in there now you're getting like getting sexually assaulted left and right that's a good point so eventually you're getting the equal amount of dick you're like okay here's here's two feet of horse dick but here's like a thousand feet of prison dick any here's the thing you gotta think about it so if you take if you take

prison right dick map you take prison the first thing that's gonna happen when you walk into prison is you're gonna see this guy you know i'm the white nigga you know

i'm the white nigga see and he's gonna cause problems.

Bro, I have a bit about my pronouns, a real nigga, and people

lose their mind.

It is my free bird, though.

Whenever I do a show, they demand I tell them my pronouns.

Okay.

Oh, really?

They call it out?

Yeah, they're like, what's your pronouns?

Bang, free bird, dog.

I love this show so much.

I can't tell you how much I miss this and miss you guys and miss this kind of comedy because I'm in Hollywood and everyone's afraid of anything.

You go up to these crowds and they're most

crazy.

They're so crazy.

And then you go to the mothership and you can't piss them off.

You're trying to piss them and you can't do it.

And then you go back to Hollywood and everybody, like I did a show at this one club, not going to say name.

I opened up with why is everybody a satanic file and just iced the room.

And then

the host is like, yeah, and that's why you put Sam up last.

I'm like, bro, fuck you.

I'm up there asking the real questions.

I'm pushing.

I'm trying to get all the white niggas behind me, dog.

I want an army of white niggas.

That's what I'm all I want.

A real nigga army.

By the way, if you go real quick, go to whitenigger.com.

Could you do it for me?

Go to whitenigger.com.

Is that you?

Whitenigger.com.

Go do it.

Bam!

Wow.

Holy shit!

Wow!

Serendipity!

Yeah!

It all came.

Yeah.

I am too, dude.

This was wild.

Thank you.

There's like, we can't even follow that.

That was too perfect of a.

I feel like I should be like, and show.

Yeah.

That's unbelievable.

Wow.

Well, I had to make up for the Tom Hanks stuff.

I felt we got a little weird really fast.

Real quick, Christina, how far, how many years are we from this, do you think?

Guess what?

We went to Scootwill,

and I didn't get nothing picked out good for me.

But guess who did?

What'd you get, honey?

Yep.

I can't wait for that open.

I got some shorts.

I got some shorts.

Do you think we're going to be doing those in the future?

You're like, what'd you buy today?

And I'm just like, fuck off.

How is television supposed to compete with that game?

I can't.

I can't.

That's why it's dying.

The world is so much more interesting than your stupid drama.

That is the best for her oxygen.

Getting driven by her husband who despises her.

He hates her so much.

So much.

He's like, this bitch won't die.

How many fucking.

Why is she doing a Goodwill shopping video?

He's like, I want to die.

This is not how I imagined this going.

And I bet back in the day, Smoke Show.

Yeah.

Just the hottest chick you've ever seen.

And at some some point, she said, I'm done.

Yeah.

That's what happens.

That's what happens.

All right, look, we do have to wrap.

Why is everybody getting quiet?

Is Sam Tripoli's special that is on YouTube?

You can go get tickets to his show at

samtripoli.com.

And

also look up white.

Yeah, sure.

But we love you, Sam.

You're the absolute.

I love you guys so much.

Thank you for the kindness.

Thank you.

We'll see you guys next week.

All you niggas be blessed.

All you niggas is bad.

All you niggas is bad.

God bless them, nigga.

All you niggas be blessed.

All you niggas is bad.

All you niggas is bad.

God bless the nigga.

God bless the nigga.

All you niggas be bad.

All you niggas is bad.

All you niggas is bad.

God bless the nigga.

All you niggas be bad.

All you niggas is bad.

All you niggas is bad.

God bless the nigga.

All you niggas be bad.

All you niggas is bad.

All you niggas is dressed.

God bless the nigga.

God bless a nigga.

Nigger, nigga.

God bless him

Nigger nigger

God bless him