Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791

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What's up, everybody?

I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025.

January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia.

Haven't been there in a while.

January 24th, San Francisco.

The 25th of January, I'm in Reno.

January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia.

And January 31st, Savannah.

February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston.

I can't wait to hit all these cities.

Get your tickets now at tomsgira.com/slash tour, and I will see you there.

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Hello, and happy do you

good night, Mike?

It's 2025.

That's crazy.

What an exciting time.

A new year.

Can you believe it?

You know, it's the thing.

What?

I kind of don't see it that.

I don't know.

I just think of it as one continuous life.

Are you taking the juke rods off?

What do you think?

Should I have them on?

I don't know.

It's up to you.

It's a real personal choice.

I don't know.

Wow.

Just like that.

New year, no thanks.

No thanks, Juberod, Tom Hanks.

I don't know.

What do you, are you, do you have like resolutions?

Are you going to do anything differently?

You grow it past that at a certain point.

That's what I'm saying.

I feel like it's just the same shit, different toilet.

Yeah, but it's always, and I do like the thing of like new year.

Like,

let's reset and

fresh and get going again.

And hit the deck, hit the ground, run it.

Are these lights supposed to be on, guys?

I think the two bears set.

Does it matter?

Just the overheads are on.

I don't know.

I think it affects, doesn't it?

I don't know.

Good eye.

It's usually not on.

Good eye.

Oh.

We got a fucking cinematographer over here.

Hey, what's I going to say?

Hmm.

What?

Can I tell you what I do?

And this is a very spiritually enlightened because I'm a very spiritually enlightened person.

Yeah.

Tom, I see every day as a new opportunity.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's really cool.

And then I go like do that.

And that gives me a new lease on life every day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure.

I'm serious.

And ever since I was in the cancer club, I'm in the cancer club.

Every day, you just got to like, you don't know.

I you can't make plans.

It's true.

I think the thing that happens when you go through something like you did, or maybe it's also that combined with aging, yeah, is you do your perspective starts to go just to enjoy things enjoy life do it do the thing try this do the thing have fun i did that somebody said i don't i wish i could credit the person because i don't recall who said it about you only have you know if you're a certain age hey you have you have 20 good summers left or whatever you know i mean like this is not going to happen forever because when you're no 16 you're like well yeah this is it's just another one but there is an age where you start to go oh yeah there's a limited number of these as your kids age too, because you go through this thing where you're like, oh, you start to realize there's a ticking clock on childhood innocence.

Yeah.

Like there's just going to be an age where they're just got, like, right now they're still innocent.

They don't, you know what I mean?

They don't know how jaded it can be, right?

They're just fully just, and you go, oh, that wonder will leave one day.

I know.

Do you know what I know?

I just remembered.

Do you ever...

You remember like a childhood trauma?

Like, you know, at the time, it's normal.

And then you're like, oh,

do you remember Bartle's and James wine coolers?

Yeah.

My mom used to just let me drink them.

And I was not, I was Ellis's age.

I was nine.

Really?

Yeah.

Wine coolers?

Like, she didn't know.

I don't, or maybe she did.

They tasted so good.

And to this day.

You definitely should not have had that.

No.

But the original flavor, like the OG.

Yeah.

None of this shit.

All these flavors.

All these are newer.

Yeah.

I like the OG ones, the two, the two guys on the porch.

Yeah.

Oh, it was so good.

You were drinking that at eight?

Yes.

she would let me have a wine cooler every night and i'm like hmm strange i know

but it really was tasty truly foreign truly truly foreign truly foreign upbringing yeah i know but anyway i agree you know it's it's all short it happened so fast you know i'll let me just summar one thing out whoever made this coffee can fuck themselves it's not even coffee

it's just milk you get the dick when you suck your mom's tits and drink that milk yeah this is just basically tit milk i know for your little baby suck your thumb

Really setting me off.

Baby.

Who fucking did that?

I don't know.

Some fucking horrible person.

I don't know.

I know why.

It's because Reed's not here.

Reed's not here today.

And then someone got your copy and wasn't fucking right.

It's not right.

Stupid.

Sorry, his name's Breed.

Just reminding you.

Breed?

That's his name.

I just wanted to remind you.

Why Breed?

I don't know.

He likes it, but it's a good thing.

He does not like it.

Yeah, that's what he wants to be called.

Breed.

Did you give him that nickname?

no it sounds like a black eye nickname no i would never do that uh that's what he wants to be called let's get into what you would do here in a moment uh here's the opening clip everybody let's start the show it he

go

i'm just wondering if you guys like the taste of jizz okay at first i didn't like it it tasted really bad but now i just can't get enough of it I want to put in everything that I hate you so much.

Drink my protein shake.

let me down let me know down in the comments below

if you guys like it

always right I hate you for that why it's a clip

welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura mom Segura and Christina

Don't be happy with yourself.

I hate when you're pleased with yourself.

Mommy, mommy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm drinking a cup of jizz right now.

Looks like you're drinking.

I know.

It's basically not even drinkable.

So here's a little thing we'll tell you.

This is a little showbiz magic.

Although this is our New Year's episode, it is being recorded in 2024.

Shh, don't tell them, John.

Well, we have to tell them because last night was our holiday party.

It was the YMH holiday party.

It was so fun.

So fun.

The whole studio came.

The Porosos team came, and everybody was in a great mood.

And by the way, everybody really came dressed to the nines.

People were dressed up.

Girls looked great.

Guys look great.

Yeah, people were happy.

It was a festive environment.

There was great food.

There was great drinks.

And it was just really fun to

be.

But a couple people, I think, always stand out when they have a couple drinks in them.

One is our technical director,

Ennie, who

he seems to be unaware of the fact that he has a dual personality.

And so once he has, I would say two to three in him, he's just like,

like he

really, you know, he gets in there.

He's just, y'all.

That shit is big time.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I saw him making a phone call while we were all having festivities.

And I was like, that's kind of.

But then he comes to me.

Here's a clip from his phone call.

No.

Yeah.

He was really like doing his thing.

And everybody's like, oh, I think Eddie's got a couple in him, huh?

And you're like, yeah, just give him some space.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And then he hung up the phone and then he started shouting into the party room.

And I was like, what is happening?

He shouted the N-word into the party room.

He sure did.

You were like, what will happen?

You were like, that

this N-word is N-word stuff.

Just like, what?

You were shouting, dude.

I was just saying.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't like how good that lined up.

That was niggas.

That's enough.

I don't like that you have his power.

Oh my God.

That's exactly how we get to any struggles.

He was really doing his thing.

So everybody goes, like, okay.

And I've seen it a few times.

Like, sometimes we do, when we do live shows,

once like the stress of the live show, because there's a lot of stress, particularly on any, because there's a lot of technical things that go with a live show, he

always will have a couple after that.

And then he's like, you know, don't work no record.

He's He's like, he just completely goes into another realm.

It's like when he relaxes,

that side of him is allowed to come out.

Yeah.

It's like, it's like free reign.

And what the booze does is it takes all the restraints off.

And then he's just him, you know, that's like true any.

He's like,

yeah, he just turns into this guy.

It's so fun.

I love it so much.

It is great.

It's great.

It's, yeah, it's like, it's super black any.

Super black any.

I just I think all I just lose the ability to code switch.

It's like I don't have that anymore.

Yeah, it does.

It goes away.

Like, yeah, I can't talk like y'all when I'm fucked up.

Yeah.

Office Enny is like, bye.

You just don't see him anymore.

But I don't mind

non-code switching any.

No, it's fun.

We're here for it, as the kids say.

It's funny.

He gets, you know, I don't know if you've ever been in an environment where there's an aggressive black person.

Sure.

But

he just

turns it way up and, you know,

he just, that's him.

That's that is

three drinking and he is right there.

That's right.

It totally is.

It totally was last night.

And then like he sobers up and he's like, how was last night?

I don't really remember much.

It's wild.

You guys get any breakfast talks?

Yeah.

I know.

So that's it.

The other one who is just unbelievable is Chris Larson.

Oh my God.

Chris Larson, for those of you who have followed the show, is our

lead in post.

And he has a real interesting personality, which is most times you're like, do you even want to be here?

And he's like, everything's fine.

And you're like, hey, it's your birthday.

He's like, okay.

Like that, that's him.

He's kind of like a cat.

that doesn't like you.

But he's also an incredibly thorough, efficient, talented guy.

Amazing.

Really great at his job.

And the truth is, he is like a very sweet, thoughtful guy.

He's very smart.

Second smartest guy that works here.

True.

But anyway,

he,

I think, is always this guy who

doesn't like to show emotion.

No.

He doesn't like to be very expressive.

He's the opposite.

He reads as like a hyper introvert.

He's not going to tell you much.

He's not going to say much.

And he just goes about his business, goes about his day.

and you're like okay and if you're like was that cool he's like yeah it was a good time like that's kind of how he is i would agree and then you get a few pops in him we first saw this in cabo vacation chris came out to play family ymh family trip there a few years ago we were like what in the it was like three days he was like ha ha

just like you know fucking shirt off just like pouring through he's like i i run this bitch viva mexico and he was just a lunatic right?

And it was amazing.

And then last night, you get a few pops in him and you're just like, what the fuck?

And he was turning it on.

And we did, you had just left, but we did office awards.

I didn't know this was going to happen either, by the way.

They voted on,

they gave categories and awards, wildly inappropriate categories and awards.

And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is what we're doing.

And everybody was like, yeah, we didn't tell any of you guys, but we just did this.

he won multiple awards well i didn't i was not aware the first award he won was for the sleeper hog award

the wow secret big dick of the office how do we know this how is this verified they voted the staff voted for each other oh that like have you seen it or is this just like on unfeeling

bde yeah yeah you could just feel it oh you just feel okay

i got you i got you wears those yellow shorts you can kind of see it dangle in there that's a little more wow so wait

Sleeper hog, though, wasn't about BDE.

It's about physically seeing a hog in the shorts and pants, right?

Well, I mean, I assume he has one because of the BDE he gives off.

Right.

But are people voting on energy or are they voting like, I see a nice bulge in there?

Because those are two different things.

We're voting on who we would imagine.

Speculating.

Speculating on the bulge.

Wait, are the women agreeing to this?

He's seen it, apparently.

Niana?

I voted Caitlin a sleeper hog.

I voted Caitlin, too.

Oh, so it was about energy.

Yeah.

Got you.

Okay, I thought you guys were like staring at each other's dicks, which is definitely weird.

Which is totally encouraged.

Wait, you have seen it, though, Larson?

I mean,

Azolo?

I have not.

It sounds like Chad has a lot of money.

No, no, no.

I have not seen it.

Okay.

But anyway, he wins that award.

Do we have that clip?

Yeah, that should be in your folder.

Oh, it's in

what's it as?

Oh, okay, sorry, I have it on it.

Just so you know, there's a name for when Chris Larson drinks and comes out of his shell, and it's referred to as Vacation Chris.

Vacation Chris, yeah.

So, Vacation Chris came out to play last night.

Should we set it up with the combo videos?

I have those.

I would love to see Vacation Chris.

Yeah.

It's August Chris.

Judge, whatever motherfucker spends money on Instagram.

It's Grancavo.

It's fucking dope.

I'm having a great time.

I got a big opinion.

Keep it real.

Holy shit.

April.

365, man.

What's that?

Live Life 365.

Live Life 365 and 0.47 and

whatever other numbers.

And...

Woo!

He's the best.

Holy shit.

He's the

That was the first night.

Wow.

All right, here's my question, though.

Because to me, it gives off vibes of I drink once a year.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, the release of a guy who's pent up and like this is, he's letting loose.

But what I don't know that you guys would know is that is this weekend, Chris?

Or is this probably like once, twice a year, Chris?

Maybe once a month or so.

Once a month.

Once a month he pops out.

I feel like that's only because he only comes out once a month.

Gotcha.

If you were to come out every weekend, I think Vacation Chris would be.

Fuck yeah.

Chris Larson is in the booth.

Let's get in the man in the box.

Vacation, Chris.

Fuck yeah.

What's up, bro?

Just, we're just celebrating you, honoring you.

Just

holding you up.

And as you you should as thanks um

he's so sad he does have that bd he has he has that sass to him it's it's great we were talking about how great you are and when vacation chris comes out how extremely fun it is for everyone we were reviewing some cabo clips of vacation chris which were amazing

last night you fucking you were turnt up my man and We all loved it.

Do you have recollections of last night or is it all?

Yeah, no, I remember most of her last night.

It's not all hazy to me.

I remember I remember doing the ice salooge with Leanne

and then making fun of Bert for not doing it.

Why did he do it?

He didn't

do it.

Why?

I don't know.

And then I say, How can you be the party animal if you're not going to do the ice luge?

And he's kind of like, He told me it's because it's cold and flu season, and he didn't want to get sick.

And then I said, and then I says to him, Pussy boy, I says, Yeah, but there's like one person has done it.

There's only one person's cooties on there so far.

I thought he still wouldn't do it.

His breath was really bad.

Really?

Did anyone pick up on that?

What do you think is going on?

It sounded, it smelled like he farted out of his mouth.

And I didn't tell him.

And it also smelled like that the day before.

I wanted to be like, hey, D, are you okay?

It's a nutritional issue.

I don't know what's crazy.

What?

I caught him sniffing his two bears mic yesterday.

So apparently he likes that smell.

Dude, he was sniffing it.

It was rough.

It was a good sniff.

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I guess we have some footage of last night, a vacation Chris last night at the park.

Yeah, there we go.

Oh, there's Leanne doing.

There's Larson over there.

There's Chris.

Yeah.

Look at Niana's face.

She's like, oh.

Look at him.

He's not even faced.

Oh, there we go.

That's another one.

So then he wins essentially the Big Dick Energy Award.

Yep.

Okay.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

I was very excited.

Everyone was just sexually harassing me after every word.

I was an award.

Yeah, I wanted to see my dick.

Will you give us your measurements?

No.

But is it pretty healthy?

It's a healthy dick.

It's nice.

Nice.

It's normal-sized.

It's not that that big.

It's not that that big.

And then you also, there's a really

unique award

that

I believe it was last.

I was surprised.

I didn't know what any of these awards were.

They gave out the Cunty Award,

the FGT Award.

Who won the Cunty Award?

Shout out to the city.

Caitlin.

Wow, I loved it.

And they were all, everybody was happy to get their awards, even if they were awards like there was like, yeah, who you can mess with the most, all these awards.

Oh, yeah.

And then an award was set up.

I guess it was set up by Enie where he gave away the N-word award.

That's not what it was called.

Well, that was the prize.

No, the prize.

That's what you wanted.

The prize was the pass, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

So, what was the category that you called?

We just said blackest person in the office.

Okay, the blackest person in the office.

And then, when, as you were giving the award, you were like, and then if you get this award, you get the n-word pass and you have to use it.

Yep.

Okay, so

I wasn't that far off.

So, right here, he's like, say it.

It's very good that I didn't say it, especially since it's on the podcast.

There's hundreds of thousands of people saying this.

You have to either show us the hobby.

I'm not.

He's like, then show us your dick.

Whisper it in my ear.

Just say it, just say it.

Whisper.

I'm not doing either of this.

You have to.

How about you?

I will say what's up and you say.

Already blacked out at this point.

I'll say what's up and you know.

I'm not saying shit, bro.

Also, incredible.

And fully appropriate to have an old chase awards go to me.

The blackest and the biggest dick.

I mean, timing.

Timing.

Who is this, Chris Slarson?

So much confidence.

Also, to be in vacation, Chris mode, and have the wherewithal to know, I shouldn't say the N-word.

It's all impressive.

It's really impressive.

I know.

He stumbled up those stairs, too.

Yeah, you.

Do you like working here, Chris?

I enjoy working here.

He didn't say I like it.

I know.

It's tough to pull things out.

I don't know.

Not everyone,

I don't think other workplaces would try to get me to say the N-word.

That's why it's special.

It's good.

That is special.

I will give you that.

Yeah, I feel like he doesn't like it.

Also, I'd like to point out:

it's that the black guy at work.

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

Blames.

Let's put it all on any.

Yeah, I see.

Well, it's not like the rest of us were like, hey, here's what you got to do today.

Well, we were chanting to say it.

I mean, yeah, everyone was chanting it.

I'll just add that I was not chanting it.

I wasn't very

chanting.

I was looking at him like, oh,

just going to

avoid all accountability, huh?

Tom, the things that Chris says to to you when he's drunk blows my mind.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

He gets aggressive with you.

Yeah.

I remember last year at the holiday party, he was threatening to fight you.

He didn't do that.

Well, when

I don't know if he wants to say it, but when we were at

your bartending event and you were bartending,

Chris?

I said, you're doing a great job, Tom.

He ordered a vodka, vodka, soda, and you were taking a little long.

And he said, hurry up.

A certain time.

Fun guy.

Fun guy Tom.

FGTT.

Fun guy Tom.

Oh, hurry up, FGT.

Yes.

In the middle of the bar.

Wow.

Chris.

I respect it.

I respect it, too.

You know, last holiday party, he was threatening to fight you and everyone else.

Remember, like, wasn't he issuing threats to people?

Like, I'm going to fight you.

I'm going to fight you.

Why didn't you say you're going to break a bottle?

I did say, yeah, because you were drinking something, like a beer or something.

And I just like the intrusive thought and I was like what if I just smashed that bottle and and I said it out loud that was the problem

and you're just like what the fuck I said that no I said that to you and you said what the fuck okay that makes sense

I mean yeah your reaction was probably appropriate and normal no at the bartending events though I always I always tell the bartenders I've done like 10 now

every single time I'm like I forget.

I don't have an appreciation for how demanding, how hard you guys work until until you're doing, like anything.

Like, you start doing it and you're like, holy shit.

And you do get better at it.

But I definitely have shown up at these things and been like, what the?

Like, it's overwhelming.

So I'm sure I deserve to be yelled at a little bit.

No, I imagine you're terrible at service industry work.

Yeah.

You'd be the worst, like a waiter,

remembering multiple orders and specificity.

Yeah, but you're not a servant.

Like, you're not good at service, I would say.

Jesus.

It's not in your DNA.

Now, I worked in a bar.

I was a waitress.

I was very good at it.

I was a barista.

I can remember multiple things and work under high pressure.

I feel like you can't do those things.

That's not true.

I've actually really improved at it.

And in doing that, like, I do them once a month or two.

So, like, usually when you get there, you're like, oh, and then it takes a while.

Then you get into a groove and you start, you know, then I start.

fucking two-hand pouring.

But it doesn't happen the first time you do it.

Oh, really?

And the one that he was at, I probably was one of my first ones.

But I'm pretty good now.

I'm probably one of the best actually in in the world.

Actually, I think I'm the best bartender.

No, I'm the best bartender.

Chris, how often do you drink alcohol?

It's not a common occurrence, I would say.

It's just socially.

That's so smart.

Well, how often is that?

I don't know.

Maybe a couple times a month,

three, four times.

It really depends on how often people are going out.

And then do they always turn into vacation friends?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Often.

That's not.

That is a rare occurrence.

If it's a good night, it will.

Yeah, we did karaoke, and it was some of the wildest karaoke I've ever seen anyone do in my life.

And it was him.

It was Chris, yeah.

Yeah.

Did you say it?

I kind of say it.

It wasn't that bad karaoke.

Why don't we plan a karaoke night as a company soon?

Can it start at like five?

Yeah.

I'm sure they.

And we should probably do it on a Friday.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd like to see him karaoke.

Let's do that.

I would like to do that, too.

That'd be fun.

I'm a pretty good karaoke.

Well, Chris, we love you as the

biggest, dicked, blackest employee here.

We just, we think you're great.

Oh, well, it's a pleasure working with you guys.

Good.

And I love you both.

Thank you.

That felt really good.

He never has said that.

I know.

That really felt good.

He is like

a capital hates us.

I love you.

Wow.

Tom, can I show you something I've been dying to fucking show you?

Yeah.

So, remember how we talk about all the time when I hit menopause?

Yeah.

That I'm going to really shut it down.

Yeah.

And I'm going to start dressing very masculine and I'm going to get my haircut.

Very exciting.

Very short.

Yeah.

I found the hairdresser that I will be going to to get my cool new haircut.

When is this happening, probably?

Well, let's see, 48, my period's kind of slowing down.

Like in two years.

Two years.

So I have two years left.

Yep.

Get it in.

Yeah, because there's something else going to happen in two years.

You'll never see me again.

All right, let's take a look.

But I want you to see the haircuts that we've been talking about.

Yeah.

This person on Instagram

is doing them and thriving.

Sometimes you're in public.

You're like, there it is.

There's a fucking horrific haircut, but it's nice to have.

Well, hey, horrific to us, but fantastic to some.

So, this woman specializes in giving the menopausal angry chicken haircut.

I'll add this to, and I realize that it's there's some irony in this coming from a bald man, sure.

But so many times you see women, this is an extra, I assume, I haven't looked yet, it's going to be an extreme, but you see a lot of women who you're like, you just need to go to a better hairdresser.

I, I, hey, and not even at that extreme, everybody needs to go to a better hairdresser.

Like, you just see women who you're like, you're a beautiful woman, but you, this is not good.

This is not the cut for you.

And you know what?

You end up finding out a lot?

People are like, yeah,

my friend comes over.

Yeah.

Or like, I do it myself.

Never.

Never do it yourself.

And no one, none of their friends go, you're not good at this.

I don't.

You're not good at this.

I know.

You should.

I know.

Yeah, you should get a real one.

But I'm so stoked to finally find this woman on Instagram.

And I just, please play them.

Please play them.

Here we go.

I'm Rodonna from Boyd's Girl Hairstyles.

Today I have Anne Floyd here with me.

Her haircut, super duper-duper cute.

Number four in the back.

Number four in the back.

I go to about above the ears, and then that's where we're going to blend all this in and take that short.

Yeah.

It looks great so far.

It's a four in the back, guys.

It's hot.

She's got some like real production on her digital.

Oh, I know.

I'm telling you.

And these chicks love it.

Yeah.

She's cutting it super.

So just so you know, high and tight in the back, short up to the up to the ears.

Nice and spiky in the front.

Ooh yeah.

Here she goes.

I mean that's a high and tight cut cleaning up the neckline.

What does this do to your penis?

Terrible.

It's terrible.

Here she is before.

She's unsure.

And now she looks even worse.

Oh my god.

Spiky cuts.

It's like, just, you know, it's like the total Karen.

It's the Karen.

Well, yeah, but she looks like Bob.

She looks like a guy named Bob.

That is, yeah, that's a shut.

It's a full shut it down.

It's a full shut-it-down.

Well, what does it do to you sexually?

Just tell me.

What do you mean?

Would you still be able to even love me if I had this haircut?

A thousand percent no.

That's it?

We're done?

Yeah, there's a.

I mean, I would just high-five you and shit.

Be like, let's watch the game.

What I like is that it's

you wouldn't even get hugs i know no well this this is a haircut that's so spiky that anyone tries to hug you it's like porcupine quills don't hug me this is really bad it's super short on top but then she leaves the bangs yeah which is kind of a sassy fun look i know this energy i like that i know this lady's look you know what this is i know what it is this is it's the lady who's been at at the same public school for

30 years

school admissions 30 years yeah yeah she has the admin job and then she's like Christina P, I remember when you were this big.

And like, she, you know, she's nice.

She's a sweet lady, but it's full shut it down.

She's sweet.

Or like she works in a non-profit.

Yeah.

And she works for like a good company, like doing something good for humanity.

Could be.

But she's a heavy.

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Not from Boys and Girls Hairstyles.

Today I have.

Well, also, the lady giving the haircut has an insane hairstyle.

Of course, but that's the thing.

That's

the long frame.

Short, spiky.

Short and spiky.

I'm just going to show you how we keep the shape.

The lady she's cutting lists.

I'm really depressed.

That's her move, huh?

Yep, short and spiky.

She likes to do it.

No, but she does the under carriage.

Yeah.

Nice and trim.

Take it to a four.

Here we go.

Look at her.

She's giving it.

She looks good with it, the one giving it.

And that's her style.

Okay.

Oh, you got to curl it under.

So this is a variation variation on the Shut It Down.

Holy shit.

She's so sad in the before.

So this is like the Midwestern version of Shut It Down.

Yeah, it's fully shut down, though.

This is like where it's higher in the back and then it angles down sharply.

But she put some highlights into it.

So she's still a woman.

She hasn't completely, it's just we're at the end of the window.

Is she?

Yeah.

She's not totally shut down, but

look at that expression.

Yeah, she's looking in the mirror.

She's like,

I don't know.

Well, there's a man that's going to see her walk in the door soon and be like, oh, fuck.

God damn it.

Is it safe to assume that there's no man on earth that likes this haircut on a woman?

Yeah.

Of course.

If it's a guy that like

still has blood that goes into his penis, sure.

No, this is like

it's very depressing.

Yeah, this haircut is dick repellent.

It is literally broadcast.

It's like when my mom got her

lesbo cut.

This is the best.

And my dad was like, oh, shit.

Your mom looks like a oh.

Because the woman giving it to her was

what the fuck.

Yeah.

And she was like, I could not do anything.

And he's like, oh, God.

It looks so

bad.

He really.

It was that.

It was like totally short and spinning.

By the way, I had never seen him comment on that until that day.

I like your hair.

Like that kind of stuff.

Why don't you do something?

It was always like that.

Why don't you do something with it?

But that day, and he was like, what the fuck?

Yeah.

We went to a Silver Lake salon down the street, and we lived in a gay neighborhood at the time.

Gayest neighborhood.

The woman who cut your mother's hair was just a big, bold butch lesbian.

And so she was thrilled.

She was like, Oh, great, get my meat hooks on this one.

Oh, man.

Hi, I'm Radog from Boys and Girls Hairstyles.

Today I have Shelly.

She's younger.

Shelly's my sister-in-law, and she has extra cute hair.

Extra cute, let's ruin it.

I'm gonna show off her haircut.

Uh-huh.

Oh, no.

Nice and tight.

And she's young.

And then then when she finishes, she goes, And I promise there's not a man in the world that'll touch you.

Mission accomplished.

Oof.

And the razor cut.

Just a lot of product.

Even the song is horrible.

Horrible.

It's all bad.

Yeah, you got to curl it under in the back.

I'm going to send this to Alan.

Make sure he does this for me next time.

I want to see what he thinks about it.

He's probably like, um,

some people like that.

Yeah.

Oof, tucked behind the ears and the high bob in the back.

Ooh.

Ooh, I had this haircut, and I shouldn't throw stones.

It has strong, I'd like to speak to the man who stones.

I had this haircut in like 92.

Someone in charge here.

I'd like to speak to somebody in charge.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, she has a really, she's a pretty good.

She's cute.

And this is the Vidal Sasune symmetric.

Can I not watch the other ones?

Yes.

Have you had enough?

Yeah.

But see what it...

She looks cute.

Hers is good.

hers is, yeah, it's fine, it's decent, it's fine, just get this shit out of your head.

The music is terrible, yeah.

Yeah, that's really bad.

I'm upset that you found this.

That's the point, yeah.

Here you go, you know that

my nose, right?

Your nose, my nose, and

John Amos, did you got the surprise?

Oh, look at my artwork behind you.

Hey, Tom,

this is from another guy with a big nose.

That's me.

Yeah, I hope you can get past this big nose business.

The bigger your nose is, the easier it is for you to breathe.

That's true.

Yeah.

It's an advantage.

He's like, you know, he just passed away.

He's an iconic actor, really incredible talent.

Somebody

posted like an in-memorium post, I think, on Facebook.

You want to read it?

R.I.P.

to allege John Amos, remember I put this

pussy on you so good this day you could barely move.

That's what that woman posted.

Mariah Cobb.

I know, but can I tell you his name?

What?

Isn't that what guys really want?

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah.

But, I mean,

I'm going to do this for you.

But to post it is insane.

It's insanity.

No,

it's Facebook too, yeah?

Yeah.

No, that's like the mom mom place.

And then for sure, somebody hit her up.

A friend was like, yo, Mariah, what are you doing?

And she's just like, what?

I remember.

It was crazy.

He didn't.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

rest in this pussy.

Yeah.

And then she did the emojis of the crying and the screaming.

Just remembering my pussy on you.

Yeah.

And I'm crying.

I remember how hard you nutted this day.

Jesus.

That's the fucking post.

I know.

I know.

And look, she has to, she's cute too in her bikini.

She knows what she's doing.

Because she's advertising to the other other fellas.

Yeah, look at me.

Look at me.

And see this guy here?

Oh, my God.

You don't understand what I did to him.

I killed him with my pussy.

It can kill you too.

Guys, women are so smart.

She knows what she's doing, Mariah.

Mariah.

Pretty awesome, man.

She knows what she do.

By the way, when John Amos was talking, it was like mirror.

Mirror.

The two of you.

I was so distracted.

It is growing longer.

and wider and longer.

Your nostrils are so big.

What are you talking about?

I'm telling you the truth.

I love you.

I'm the only one that's going to tell you this stuff.

I'm your wife.

I have to tell you.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

You would tell me if I look fucked up, right?

So I look fucked up?

Look at your drawing.

Wait, but you will tell me, right?

Hey, babe, will you tell me if I get a bad haircut and you're like, I hate that?

Yeah.

You swear?

If it's a haircut like that, yeah.

Would you tell me if I got like really fat?

I kind of feel like I know already.

That's kind of weird.

That's a weird one.

I know.

But I mean I got fat after I had babies, obviously.

But you were nice about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a weird thing though with women.

You got to be like really.

You guys are not, you're not built like us.

Like, and not just fit.

No, I mean like guys can say shit to each other.

And people can say stuff to men that's real.

And guys are like, yeah, you know what?

You're right.

I got to fucking get my shit together.

And women are just weak.

So you say something.

women are fragile and here's the honest they're also you're no women are fucking stupid well here's the thing there's a lot of truth to that women are my god women are weaker and dumber than men i gotta so you have to kind of handle women like you would a child okay so what i'm saying is weaker and dumb or emotionally emotionally intelligent no no Women, in a lot of ways, you could just say women are pathetic.

And so

when you have to speak honestly, you have to talk to a woman like you would a child.

And so I think I would tell you, but I would tell you in a child.

Then how would you tell me?

Hey, you know,

sugar and

a lot of carbs, they actually aren't that good for you.

Unless you're going to expend a lot of energy, I think I might get into some tuna,

you know, something like that.

Or like,

you know,

hey, your face,

it's really

changing.

And maybe something something you could do is visit a doctor.

Oh my God.

I hate you.

Something like that.

I hate you so much.

But it's not your fault.

It's really just being a woman.

Okay.

Thank you.

Bye now.

So we're going to take a quick break.

Happy New Year.

And we'll be right back.

And we're back.

And joining us is the host of the new Army Hammer Time podcast.

It's Army Hammer, everybody.

I think that's actually the first time I've ever been introduced as a podcast host.

I'm here for it.

Hey, man, you have a a podcast now.

It's true.

What's the podcast like?

Dude, I mean, well, it's hilarious because it's me and my buddy Jerry, and we shoot it in the living room slash office slash bedroom slash closet of my tiny ass apartment.

And we just bring in cameras.

And, you know, when we first started, we were using construction lights.

That's the way to start it.

We're going to start a podcast.

Bootstrapping it.

That's the way to start a podcast.

And you guys have guests?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, we kind of had to start with people that I know as guests because reaching out and being like, hey, the cannibal guy wants you to be on their podcast.

It's kind of a hard sell.

So it was like, this is my best friend, and this is my attorney.

And it's kind of started out.

And my mother for two episodes.

How was two episodes with mom?

You know,

I guess the whole reason I'm doing this podcast is like, basically, I'm just trying to lean into the shit that makes me uncomfortable, right?

Like, I want to have uncomfortable conversations.

And I couldn't imagine a more uncomfortable conversation to have on air than with my mother.

Yeah.

You know, so it was, it was intense.

It was intense, but it was cathartic in a way, and then it went really well, and she was happy.

And then

it's it's complicated, sure, like all kind of mother-son relationships.

Oh, I have to tell you, I watched it, I watched it just to see it because I was listening, and I'm like, I have to see these two.

Yeah, and your mother is a very beautiful, blonde, demure

woman, and you guys have you have like a really balls-out conversation about your childhood.

yeah and you're what was really sweet about army is that i can tell you've been in a lot of therapy and you're trying not to judge her and it's so hard when you become a parent to not judge your parents actually even oh 100 because now i hate my parents after having kids listen i also am well aware that my daughter and son are going to get to a certain point where they then do therapy and then they go i hate my dad too and i'm like fuck i'm trying here yeah yeah but i tell you what was really important for me is someone once told me they said you know that your parents don't have tools that they're not using.

Right.

Yeah.

And I said, what do you mean?

They said, they're using every tool in their toolbox.

They're using every trick in their arsenal.

So when anything falls short, it's not because they know they can do better and they're not.

They're honestly just doing the best that they can.

That's a really good perspective because I remember thinking that, like, about my own parents and being like, these fucking morons, you know?

Yeah.

And then you kind of like.

You kind of realize there's this point in your life where you realize that there's a

There's the thing where it's just two people like you when you're a kid you like you think your parents are like special people yeah put on earth for adults they must be magical and then you kind of go like oh it's just two random people that met yeah and yeah yeah and yeah kids and like they are they were irresponsible enough to get pregnant how are they responsible enough to raise children what do you what i saw your look what is this all about did you guys hear it

Did you hear it?

I don't think so.

Wait, he choked again.

He choked, right?

Yeah.

Did you need water?

Did you hear it?

I missed it.

He was like in the

dramatic.

Why are you being so dramatic?

Because this is the third time now that you've choked, and I think you're having a stroke.

We should get you to the doctor.

People don't like you.

Does it smell like almonds?

Are you turning into Larry King?

No, I'm just saying that you're not.

People don't like you in general.

No, that's not true.

I'm very popular.

Are they better, like, just, you don't know me, but we just met.

It's too early for me to make a judgement.

But don't you feel like like I'm way more fun and stuff and like just like vibe or I'm a better vibe anyway

I refuse to be put on the spot like this I'm now gonna drink my coffee

Let's also I mean like you said you like uncomfortable conversations or want to have them just for people that don't know yep like you're

well your whole family background is one thing, but you're obviously a working actor, career's going, and then you were canceled.

You're one of the people that's been canceled.

Yes.

Because of allegations from people that you dated and that said that you were, I mean, among other things, a cannibal.

Right.

And they were like, this guy wanted to eat me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then everybody, I think myself included, I was like, holy shit, this is fucking crazy.

And I was like, this, I mean, you're not portrayed as a great guy in these stories.

Yeah.

Right.

And then

like, this is some of this just from memory, too.

Like, that you moved.

I didn't realize you had spent time as a kid in the Cayman Islands because I read that you had then moved to the Cayman Islands after all this stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

And

were getting into doing real estate and

time shares.

Time shares.

You really were selling timeshares?

I was selling timeshares.

And then loving it.

Really?

Oh my God.

The timeshare world is fucking wild.

Wasn't there something, and I'm sure there's many layers to this.

Is there something as awful as a cancellation going through that?

I imagine it's emotionally very hard to go through.

Yeah, I don't recommend it.

That as you're kind of like, this is reality now, there's something freeing to like, you know what I I mean?

To like being like, oh, I'm just this now.

Oh, man, I have so much to say about this.

Yeah, so it was a wild time where COVID was going on.

People were locked in their apartment.

People were miserable.

Like, there was all this shit going on.

The world seemed like it was falling apart.

And people were just deeply unhappy with their own lives.

And then this salacious story comes around where this actor wants to murder and eat people.

And all of a sudden, everyone's like, oh, this is so much more fun to focus on than the fact that I can't leave my living room.

You know, and everyone was just like, let's dogpile on this story.

And then the stories kept coming out and kept coming out and kept coming out.

And it's this, too.

There's a clip of you guys talking where you say, Tom said to me when we first started dating that he wanted to smash my head open and eat my brains or whatever it is.

And you say, no, that's not what I said.

All I said is I love you so much, I want to smash your head into the dresser.

Yes, that's true.

Yeah.

And I saw that and I was like, these are my people.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, these are my people.

Well, but by the way, now imagine if you guys broke up and Christina took her part of that conversation out and only released Tom said he wanted to smash my head into a dresser and said it with a straight face.

Everyone would go, he's obviously a domestic abuser.

I gotta say, man, I fucking like you.

I think,

no, I think it like I, most of our

intimate conversations involve things that are extremely offensive,

you know, about all types of things.

I mean, sure, if there was a printed document, yes, it would not bode well for

someone else was reading it in their voice and not yours.

It just looks like the worst thing in the world.

But is your kind of position on this, though?

Because that analogy makes a lot of sense to me.

That, you know, you get into a relationship, you are whatever, you like this woman, you're attracted to her.

And then part of it is like how you express, you know, these things in like in a non-traditional way.

And then some of it is an arousing kink-fulfilling thing of like, you know, people have different kinks.

And like, so yours were like some of this body branding or like blood.

Like, that's just stuff that likes tying up.

You like the ties.

Yeah.

And like, I like the idea that

you are so completely mine.

Yeah.

I can do whatever I want.

And you love it because you know you're mine.

And like this possession kind of thing.

Like that's just fun to talk about.

So you, by the way, especially if you're like drunk or stoned or high at night and you're texting and while you're saying it, you're like chuckling to yourself.

Like, I'm going to fucking cut your toe off and keep it in my pocket so I got a PCU everywhere I go.

I think I've actually said that.

Of course, I mean.

I think you have.

And then it gets read like in the court of public opinion and everyone goes, you're insane.

And you go, well, yeah, a little bit.

I mean, if I was normal, I would have a job that had a like a 401k or like.

So a lot of this is role play, what you're saying.

For sure, for sure.

For sure.

And by the way, like, if anyone took anyone's bedroom conversations, specifically, like, if people were having a little bit of sexy time and they took the shit that they said, even if it was completely vanilla and you read that somewhere else out of context, everyone's going to go, you guys are fucking disgusting.

So then would you like, were you like, am I losing my fucking mind here as this was happening?

I think I was more just in full panic mode because

I mean, to get a little bit serious here, there was this sort of like, there was the mask that I didn't really identify with, but everyone thought was me, that that became sort of like my safety net and identity.

And then when that gets shattered and everyone goes, we no longer like this guy, we fucking hate him.

Yeah, which is rough.

Which is rough.

I mean, dude, there would be articles in like the Punjabi Times about how I was a cannibal and all that stuff.

And I think, I think in March of 2021, like I was the like fifth most searched person on Google in the world.

And all of it was negative.

Yeah.

So when before that, I had used any of that public attention as a sort of sense of validation for myself because I didn't know how to give it to myself.

Yeah.

I was feeding off of that like a fucking psychic vampire.

And then all that goes away.

And all of a sudden, you're just left standing there naked in front of the world with all of your proclivities or kinks being judged by the world.

Like, that shit is tough.

How has, like, I mean, there's so many ways to go with this, but like, how has,

did going through that affect the fact that you like some, like, does, did it shock those things out of you?

You know what I mean?

Like, the bondage or owner.

Like, are you like, I'm not even fucking interested in that anymore?

Or does it, like, slowly.

I mean, there was definitely an aspect of

your sexuality being weaponized against you.

Right.

Makes it really hard for you to feel safe to engage in your own sexuality.

Yeah.

For sure.

Yeah.

For sure.

You know, I will say one thing because i watched the documentary and all you know sorry i had to but um i will say i don't think you were hiding these proclivities from people that were sharing these direct messages with you it wasn't like you were being coy and shy yeah you're like hey this is what i'm into this is what we're gonna do cool yeah and then you know some chick instead of being like no i don't really they like heart a message or something and I'm like, well, that doesn't really send a clear message.

I mean, it goes to, it goes to sort of like the conversations that need to happen around consent, where if it's not a hell yes, it's a fuck no kind of thing.

But also,

I had a conversation with a guy who's a very well-known sex therapist, and he sort of broke down the idea of conditional consent to me, where it's like, I say, hey, this is what I'm into.

I want to do this.

I want to do this.

I want to do this.

Are you good with that?

And they go, yes.

But what they're not finishing with their mouth is, I'm saying yes because I think I'm going to get to be with this person.

I'm going to get to live this world.

I'm going to get to this.

I'm going to get to that.

I can change his mind about wanting to sleep with other people.

All of these conditions.

I'm saying yes, thinking that I can get all of these things.

And then when they don't get all of those things, it's very easy to revoke conditional consent.

So it's almost like it just needs to be a more expensive thing.

I also want to say that like...

I was playing pretty fast and loose and I was being a selfish asshole, like for sure.

I was using people to make me feel better.

People were my bags of dope with skin on it.

Like having that, having people want to have sex with me, having sex with people, doing all that stuff, like it gave me a sense of power.

It gave me a sense of validation.

So what I would do is I would scoop these girls up, take them on a whirlwind month and a half, road trips, trips, whatever.

Like we're going to do all these things.

We're going to have great sex.

Everything's going to be awesome.

And then at the end of it, I'm going to go, hey.

Good job.

Go team.

And then I'm going to bounce and go do it with someone else and leave this person feeling like, wait, I just was sucked into this tornado of a world and felt like this is my place now and then dropped.

And now I don't know what the fuck is going on.

My last month and a half is gone.

My time was stolen.

My energy was stolen.

And now I'm fucking pissed.

Yeah.

And I'm emotionally drained.

Yeah.

And so, in that, that's a shitty position to put.

It sucks.

I'm sure it sucks.

And then, and then you, I mean, now, like, obviously you have like the

perspective and

the way you can look at this and be aware of it.

Yeah.

But does it make you go, like obviously maybe repent for that and then just not want to be that person who does that again?

I mean,

there are aspects of my behavior that I think were coming from maybe not the healthiest place.

And then there were aspects of

my behavior.

No, I'm joking.

There were aspects of my behavior.

Yeah.

But that was subtle, demure.

Classy.

Yeah.

Then there are aspects of my behavior that were just expressions of my own sexuality.

Yeah, so I had to sort of like comb through all of that and figure out what's coming from the right place, what's coming from a trauma place.

Yeah.

You know, your upbringing, too, because I watched a number of things.

Um,

when the story broke, there was coverage of it, then some documentary.

Like, you come from, it's not a typical family or upbringing.

Yeah.

You know, it's like a you come from like a tycoon

elite, elite, elite family, which

I think everybody,

most people fantasize.

They go, fuck it, I wish I had that.

You know, it's overrated.

Yeah.

Because they just, you know, they see the palatial estate and the

family put together, and you guys are traveling in ways that people can only dream of.

And they don't see the inner workings of a family.

Yeah.

Because for people that don't know, it was your grandfather, right?

That was

your great-grandfather.

Yeah.

That was an oil tycoon yeah

and i mean i just i i've had like um close proximity to a family like yours yeah and it it gets real twisted when you're up close for sure because i think it's an un what the reality is is that it's unnatural yeah to have that in other words like to have an extraordinary wealth or extraordinary power is just not the norm yeah it's just not normal well it's like humans evolve really slowly right So for 300,000 years of Homo sapien history, you were well off if you're like, we fucking harvested enough grain to get us through the winter.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

And then that agrarian culture is like just ending really on the timeline of humanity.

So now you have people who have amassed insane amounts of wealth.

And it's kind of like what Biggie was talking about, where he's like, Mo money, mo problems.

And now Mo Money, Mo Access and like Mo Money, Mo whatever you want to do, you can do it.

And I don't think human beings are built for that.

They're not built for that.

Yeah.

I think you're right.

And I think that like

the, there's this other thing where when you're really wealthy or

really powerful,

you get to navigate life, not just with access, but with like, yeah, we don't do that.

In other words, a family might have, we have dinner together or, you know, I mean, like, we, we do these traditional things.

It's like, it's seen as the norm people who have extraordinary wealth or power just go none of these things apply to us we do things our own way and the thing is no one's ever gonna say something to you yeah because they're scared to well it's it's it's interesting right because they say behind every great fortune is a great crime yeah and then also you know the people who make that much money typically are very good at making the money and they're very bad at raising the family.

So it's like they're not around.

There's always nannies or someone else raising your kid who doesn't even care.

And then that kid goes, where's my dad?

And the dad goes, you're going to the best schools in the world and you're driven to school in a Rolls-Royce.

There you go.

There I am.

And the kid goes, I just want to be fucking loved.

Yeah.

You know, and I, and that, then all of a sudden, that warps the next link in the chain, who then is the kind of parent that that kind of person would be.

And that warps the next person.

And then that warps the next person.

And there's this kind of domino effect.

What was like the, like people,

a lot of times don't even can't even imagine things What was like something of gross excess that you saw of like

The result of having extraordinary wealth or power that yeah, you didn't even realize maybe was was that at the time and then you're later on you're like holy shit That was crazy.

You know, I I think

one thing that my dad did that was very smart is he married someone who was not like that at all.

You know, my mom grew up

the daughter of a guy who grew up in Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl, who was like so poor that he got like a nickel a week and he had to get a haircut out of it.

He had to get like whatever he could out of it, like that kind of thing.

So my mom was never, my mom just didn't let that shit fly.

Like my mom was the kind of mom where if we were driving in the car and the AC was on and you rolled down your window, she's like, hey, the AC is on.

Pull the window back up.

And you're like, oh, okay.

So like lights weren't allowed to be left on in the house, like that kind of thing.

So I think my mom brought that to it.

So, I never really saw, I mean, look, I saw my dad living large.

You know, he was buying cars all the time.

He was a big kid, right?

So, he liked toys.

He wanted to buy cars all the time.

He wanted to go race cars.

He wanted to do all like that stuff.

No shit, eh?

Wow, that's weird.

Let's talk about something else.

What did I walk into here?

He's Mr.

Car guy.

Careful, he's going to smash your head into a dresser.

By the way, also, with the smashing the head thing into a dresser.

Wait, I have other questions, too.

Wait, he's saying that.

No, I know.

I want to go first and then I write it down.

If you say, I love you so much, I want to smash your head into a dresser, that's fucking cute.

If you say, I'm so angry at you, I want to smash your head into a dresser, very different.

It's very different.

Very different.

But she also has pointed out to me multiple times that she goes, when you said that to me, I should have run.

She goes, it was a huge huge huge.

Yeah, that's a huge red flag.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I mean, it kind of was a red flag.

Oh, by the way, she stayed.

That's a red flag.

Thank you.

I mean, this is a two-way street.

Thank you.

Two peas and a pie.

Yeah.

We are.

And no, it's been fantastic.

Thank God.

I'm going to ask you about some things you have said, and I'm just curious.

Did you really eat a pig's heart hunting?

I heard that's a hunting thing.

That's disgusting.

No, it was a deer.

Oh, a deer?

Yeah, yeah.

Which is a, it's not that.

It's a normal hunting tradition.

I mean, I grew up in Texas for most of my life.

Like, I have a lot of friends who hunt, and we go shooting and things like that.

First kill?

This is what I was just saying because I was just asked this on the other podcast, and they go, you ate an animal's heart?

And I was like, Yeah, but that's like hunting tradition.

When you take someone for their first kill, they take a bite of the heart.

He goes, But you ate it?

And I go, I mean, you're not sitting there eating the whole heart, but it's like, hey, this is your animal.

You killed your first animal.

Here you go.

But he was British, and I think they just have a very different culture about that kind of thing.

He was really rough on you, super rough.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, what did it take?

He was my kind of person.

No.

Did you take a bite out of it, like an apple?

And what's it like?

It's hard to get through.

I mean,

it was a big axis deer.

So it was like a,

I mean, it was a heart almost the size of like a rugby ball.

Oh.

And like it was heavy and it tasted like iron and it was very tough to get through.

Yeah.

That's kind of cool.

Okay.

Carving initials?

I mean carving, scraping, whatever.

Like it's the same thing as like getting tattoos of your partner's initials or whatever.

I was going to say to you, Army, is that what you needed to do was just date a goth chick.

I know.

I really miss my channel.

Oh, because for real, though, like in high school, school, this is what goths were doing.

100%.

Like, this is not a big deal.

But this goes back to exactly what my problem was.

It's like, it's not that what I was doing per se was like the worst thing in the world to try to do.

I was just doing it with the wrong people.

But square, you were with fucking normies, dude.

I was with normies.

Nerds.

Vanillas.

And yeah, you need to get with the goth chicks that are into it.

I know.

Sometimes I've got a vape in my pocket.

Sometimes these make me hiccup.

How many milligrams of these?

Six.

Fuck it.

Whoa, you're in Texas now, son.

That's very minty.

I like that.

There you go.

I think that's all I had.

Yeah, because I don't think it's that big of a so.

What else are you into besides eating people?

Like, have you found I mean, that takes up most of my time.

Most of your time.

It's a pretty time-consuming thing, especially people are big.

You know,

it's a lot of meat to go through.

The type of rope tying you're into, very specific, no?

Like, you have to really learn.

How do you learn?

That's something.

Because, like, when you see, I'll tell you, when I see that, I'm like, oh, that's fucking cool.

I'd like to be able to do it.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

But you know, there's something about that.

There's a real skill to it, right?

right oh yeah yeah because if you do it wrong you can really hurt someone like if you if you put it too tight around the wrist there's a lot of nerve endings there you can end up like hurting somebody's like nerves like you got to know what you're doing so it's like it's not something you just jump into but do you go to an experienced person to teach you like how i have i've talked i've talked to people i mean now at this point like i don't talk to anybody about it i don't talk to anybody about any of my shit i'm just like this is not a safe place for me to experiment or whatever so when you're first doing it though yeah are you just experimenting yourself or are you actually with someone who knows what's going on?

No, I bought a mannequin from like a department store.

Yeah, I bought a mannequin from the bottom of the bottom.

But did you read up on the

books and YouTube videos?

Yeah, let's get some ropes.

There you go.

It does look beautiful, actually, in the documentary.

The idea

is like

so it comes out of it comes out of like a Japanese martial art form where the police would carry ropes and they had to subdue criminals.

Sure.

And so like they had to get very fast at doing this.

And then that kind of, I guess there was like some Japanese lady back then then who watched a criminal get tied up and was like, I'm in like sign me up.

I'm going to tie you up and leave you fucking suspended.

I'm such a

boring.

Kind of correct.

No, I'm so boring.

But

Jose and I say,

yeah, it's pretty.

Oh, that's what I want to do to her.

That's what I want to do to her.

I mean, that's what I want to do.

That requires a level of flexibility that I am nowhere near.

Now, here's, wait, I got to ask you this, though.

Because this, okay, not to say that you're on the same level.

Yeah.

But like when somebody is like a killer, yeah, serial killer, even, yeah, there's even though most of the world goes, you're the fucking worst thing ever, yeah, there's always there's always women who are like, Yeah, yeah, hey, what's up?

Didn't I think, didn't like Ted Bundy get married when he was in prison?

Didn't Charles Manson get married like five times?

And they all get love letters, yeah.

Sometimes conjugal visits, sometimes conjugal visits, yeah, during their trials, you'll see like, what are you here for?

And they're like, I just think he's great, and they just show up.

Yeah, so the flip side of you being publicly shamed and canceled.

There has to be women that have been like, please.

Right.

Oh.

How do you manage that?

I had to get rid of my social media for a long time and give like a guy my password because when all this shit came up, my DM inbox was fucking wild.

They're like, cut me up, eat me.

100%.

These are the chicks you should have been taking.

But also, like, I thought about that and then I was like, maybe, yeah, maybe this is onto something.

But then I was like, okay, hold on.

But also, like, have I learned nothing

from like trusting strangers?

And then also, is someone who sends a complete stranger a picture of like them shoving something into their ass?

Yeah.

I'm like, I know, yes, yes, but

is this a balanced, healthy person?

True, of course.

You know,

she's at least cool.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, she's down.

Am I balanced and healthy?

I'm trying, but not really.

So have you developed a pretty good gauge for, like, here's someone that I can pursue?

No, my picker is terrible.

Like, my picker is broken.

So, what do you do?

I'm like, I'm basically like an escort now, where I'm like, if you come to me, you better have references.

And I'm going to vet you

to make sure that you're not going to kill me publicly.

So you will not engage with a total stranger.

You're not really going to.

No.

No.

Good, Armie, because this made me so upset.

It made me feel sympathetic towards you during this whole debacle.

Is

how do I say this?

The DMs on Instagram to you, you're so trusting, I should say, yeah, with these people.

And I was like, oh, like, doesn't he know?

Don't do that.

Because even in our world, we're like fans will write you like a DM, like an innocent, like, hi, mommy, I love you.

And I'll be like, I love you too, thank you.

And then they'll screen grab it and put it as a story.

Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, that was, that was supposed to be like a violation.

Yeah, yeah.

Even though I said nothing.

Well, it goes to like a really interesting thing of like, once you have any sort of like public stage, you're no longer a person to these people.

You're a commodity.

And that's why you have people coming up to you in public.

And I'm sure you guys see this all the fucking time, where they walk up already, phone in hand, and just go, can I get a picture?

Oh, right.

And they do that.

And it's not, hey, I just want to let you know I really love your show.

Or, hey, I just want to let you know, you said something that was like really important.

My name is Thomas.

It's great to meet you.

It's always, let me get a a picture boom and then they're like okay bye and then immediately like look at what I have and it turns you from a human being into a commodity which is like one of the weird things about this whole public business but I'm saying like Snapchat bro like you never

I mean I what happened why I was snapping I was snapping okay okay I was snapping

were you so like was it this might be a stupid question I think snapchat you can still you can still you can still get fucked with on snapchat yeah you're gonna get fucked like if if you're dealing with these people, you're going to get fucked.

It's not a matter of fact.

It's not the thinking of like, fuck it, it's out there.

I don't care.

I'm going to blow it up.

If I get caught, I get caught.

I think somewhere deep down subconsciously, I wanted to get caught.

I think that I so

did not relate to the image of me that was out there in the public of sort of like this.

Like, look at them.

They're like the Ralph Lauren family.

They've got the perfect life and the perfect house and the perfect kids.

And like, oh, this shit.

Like, I was like, I feel like a fucking alien walking around most of the time.

Like, I don't feel like a human.

I feel like a creature.

And I have king creature tattooed on my ass that I got at a pool party because I was drunk.

And someone was like, you want to stick and poke tattoo?

And I was like, that's the best idea I've ever heard.

Fucking, here's my ass.

And because, like, the, the thinking of it was, is like, I don't feel like a human.

I feel like a creature.

So if I'm going to be a creature, I'm going to be the king of creatures.

So I'm just going to lean into this.

And so I would like things on my Twitter.

I would like rope bondage pictures and shit like that.

Oh, it's like your signal to it.

I was like, it was like I was dog whistling, if you will, and wanting, I think, to get caught.

And then people would be like, I don't think he knows.

His Twitter likes your public.

And I'd see that and I'd be like, oh, I know.

Yeah.

I know.

And it was just, it was silly.

It was silly.

So it was a way to get out from under this public persona?

Yeah, I think so.

I think it was a way to try to feel seen.

Like truly sane.

Besides like, yeah, yeah.

I'm not this guy that you think I am.

I don't feel like that guy yeah and i don't like carrying the burden of having to be that guy well i was gonna say is is this like why now that's always the question like you know you had successfully gotten away from this stuff right and you went away to the cayman islands you came back to la and now you're coming out in public again so why now like what

because i'm doing it on my terms and i'm doing it authentically as myself and that's one of the scary things about doing this and one of the scary things about about having the podcast is like being sort of vulnerable in a public way, especially having gone through what I went through where like all this shit was weaponized against me is really fucking scary.

But I'm leaning into it because I know that the things generally that make me feel afraid are the things that I got to go towards in order to grow.

And so that's why

I want to have these conversations with my mom.

I want to have these conversations with people who like, I even have people on there who are like, I don't like you.

And like, I was afraid to talk to you because I think X Y and Z about you and I go okay I get that let's talk and like I want to have those conversations because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I think that that's the sweet spot that is that is the sweet spot

most people avoid uncomfortable conversations I was gonna say if you leave this show not feeling like you've said too much, your family's going to hate you, everything is terrible, it wasn't a good show.

Yeah.

You should feel ashamed, weird, anxious, like, God, what what did I say?

I'm such an idiot.

And then you're like, but no one, no one.

And I think that's the conditioning part of it.

It's like you walk away from it going, fuck, fuck, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

And then nothing happens.

Nothing happens.

And you go, oh, I was just being crazy again.

You know?

Yeah.

Well, let's talk about what's really important, which is acting.

So

I mean, the most important thing.

The most important thing.

Yeah.

You're a great actor.

We've seen you in a bunch of things.

First, I just want to ask this because I'm always fascinated by great directors.

So I have to ask, what is it like to work with Fincher?

Scary.

Really?

Very scary.

I've seen clips of, you know, those like BTS clips of him.

And there is

the shots of the way people ask the, asking him questions, you know, just like crew people,

there's like an intimidation factor.

Million percent.

Because he knows how to do every single person's job better than they do.

And if you are doing your job well, he doesn't talk to you or he ignores you because he's like you're doing your job that's what you're here for go do your job and if you up he's gonna whip his head over and look at you and you want to die really yeah i mean he's he's probably one of the smartest people that i've ever worked with but what about as an actor so like you're i've never seen him act no no sorry but like when you're like you know getting ready to do yeah like uh you're obviously focused on the scene itself and your preparation for it and here's what we're going to do.

Sure.

Does he engage you very little?

Very little.

Because it's that same philosophy.

Like you should be ready to go.

I've hired you to do this job.

I don't want to do the job for you.

So show up and do your job.

And if somebody as an actor isn't doing what he wants, then he switches on them.

He'll just,

it's, it's more psychological warfare.

Yeah.

Like he'll just go, cut, do it again.

Cut, do it again.

Cut, do it again.

Cut, do it again.

For I've seen him do that up to 140 times.

What?

What?

Like, go again, go again.

Figure it out.

Go again.

Yeah.

I think during the social network, I only remember him ever giving me one note during the entire film.

And it was

like a scene where we were talking to our dad about how Mark Zuckerberg has stolen Facebook or whatever it was.

I don't remember exactly, but he also moves on set like a shark.

Like he just, he doesn't really blink and he just looks at everything and he's taking in 10,000 things at once.

And he just walked up to me like this and stared at me and then stood next to me kind of shoulder to shoulder and didn't look at me and just went

incredulity.

And then floated away.

And I was like,

I don't know what that means, but I'm too afraid to ask.

So,

okay, let's try it again.

And I did the scene, and he just goes, cut, do it again.

And I was like, fuck.

And then, but then this is the thing is, he's so precise about everything he does that if he does 147 takes of it on the 147th take, he'll go, cut,

print,

keep that one, delete everything else, Let's go.

And then walks away.

He keeps one take.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So he'll just keep going until he gets exactly what he wants.

And then when he gets it, he says, keep that.

Erase everything else.

He says that?

Yep.

Delete everything else.

Keep that one.

Delete everything else.

Wow.

Delete.

Like, so there's no fallback plan.

Like, that's how sure he is of what he does.

That's incredible.

Yeah.

Does he give direction, though, when he's like, do it again?

Is there a note?

Or it's just do it again.

You figure it out.

Very little.

Very little.

It's just cut, do it again.

Well, you got one word.

I got one word.

He He must have liked you.

Yeah.

Or he hated me because he had to give me the word.

You know, like, I hired you to do the job and you're not doing it.

Now I have to talk to you.

Why aren't you intuitively incredulous right now?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Moron.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

And what are your memories from the man from Uncle?

That was just fucking fun.

Fun.

Yeah.

Guy Ritchie is the opposite.

Like he just wants to have a good time.

He loves making movies.

He loves the people that he's working with and he wants it to be an experience.

Really?

I mean, every day on set, we we would have a giant white tablecloth lunch of like local cuisine, wherever we were, wine.

Like, it was really just the best.

Henry Cavelle.

Oh, she always

motherfucker.

Oh, yeah.

Both of you, a couple of dogs.

How was Henry?

Did you get lost in his eyes or his jaws?

I mean, Henry's great because he is there to work.

He's there to do his job.

Very professional.

Very professional.

Very professional.

I would say even like very guarded.

So it's like, you don't really get in there.

And, you know, I like...

He wants to get in there.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I like getting in there.

So I'd be like, Henry, come on, buddy.

And I'd like antagonize him and like, you know, just barge into his trailer and be like, what's up, bro?

And he would be like, hello, what are you doing?

Like, this is my trailer.

And I was like, I know.

But we, I mean, we had a great time.

Yeah, we had a really good time making that one.

Yeah, fun movie.

Shot it all over Europe, too.

Yeah, that's, I mean, that's kind of the dream, I think, right?

Perfect.

Like a period European film.

Like, I felt like it was like we were on Anthony Mangela's sets, you know.

That's awesome.

So here's what I want to, because, like, so you, again, this is not a secret.

You're in the category of canceled, don't touch.

Sure.

Is there a path for you to

work

as an actor?

You know what I mean?

Like, there's some people who you go, look, man, this person's offenses are too grave.

They're just, they're in another, they're just like, it's goodbye forever.

Yeah.

You're, I feel like in a different category.

Yeah.

Like at the time, it's, you know, they don't want anything to do with you, but it feels like there should be like some path for you.

Or am I wrong?

Well, the worm is turning.

Okay.

Right.

And it takes time.

It does take time.

It's slow.

But

generally now the conversation when my name comes up with people in the industry is, man, that guy got fucked.

Yeah.

You know, and it, and that feels really good.

It's really encouraging.

Sure.

I just shot a movie.

Oh, you did just shot a movie.

I just shot a movie.

Okay.

And I have two more movies coming up and a potential TV show.

Oh.

A potential TV show that the head of a studio signed off on me.

So it's like, it feels like...

You're back.

Okay.

So

yeah, and you're with William H.

Macy in it.

Yeah, we just did Frontier Crucible.

It's me, William H.

Macy, and Thomas Jane.

Okay.

So I was...

Sorry.

I just should have fucking researched that question.

Yeah, yeah.

So you are working.

I'm working.

That's great.

I think part of it is just like the gays are out of the White House.

Things have switched.

And there's no.

Listen, the gays were my biggest advocates, by the way, because they were like, oh, honey, like the shit you said.

If people hacked Grinder and saw what we were talking about on there, none of us would work.

I didn't mean homosexuals.

I just meant, you know, like the gays.

They are the gays.

Yeah, the gays.

The stop being gay.

Yeah, those gays.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got it.

So, which I think actually culturally plays a role in things.

Like when people in power are more like, hey, don't be fucking ridiculous, which is like the shift that's happening.

Yeah.

Then things like this happen.

When is Kevin Spacey coming back?

I don't care who he fondles.

He's working too.

Thank God.

He's working.

I don't care who he fondles.

He can fondle me.

I love watching that man work.

Yeah.

He's an incredible actor.

He is amazing.

I mean, American Beauty.

He's definitely.

Everything he does.

The fucking way that House of Cards

just fell apart with him not on it.

You're like, oh, yeah, this sucks now.

It's just, he really like, there's some actors that really carry things.

You're like, although Robin Wright Penn is so fit.

Well, the two of them

got an ounce of fat on that body.

She's a weapon.

Yeah.

She's very hot.

Perfect.

Would you bang her?

Robin Penny.

Would you smash her head into a dresser?

I would tell her how much I loved her.

Not the same.

That doesn't count.

Yeah.

That's pretty gay, bro.

If we were together, I would let my feelings be known.

Wow.

Yeah, she's special.

I'd like to bang her.

You can bang her.

See, this is the kind of relationship I aspire to.

Right here.

Full consent.

Goals.

Total consent.

Goals.

Total consent.

Is that conditional consent?

Conditional consent.

No, it's full.

I love you.

You can have Henry.

Can I just say it?

And I don't know why I feel the need to say this, but maybe because I was a goth chick that grew up in the

I was never into the SM scene, but I feel like it gives those people a bad rap when, like, do you know what I mean?

Like,

it's a legitimate scene, right?

How do I say this?

Like, 50 Shades of Gray, you know how fucking popular that was?

It was like the most popular book.

Every half movie made a billion dollars.

Yeah, everyone's twiddling their fucking, skittling their bean.

Reading it on the drying machine.

And, you know,

yeah, it gives it a bad rep.

I just, that, that community is its own thing.

Sure.

And there's rules and regulations, right?

Like, you guys have a whole, that's a whole fucking thing.

I think the issue is, is that...

It's not a big deal.

Like any community, there are people who are there for altruistic reasons and they enjoy it and they love it and they're safe and they're smart about it and they care about the people they're engaging with.

And I think there are also unsavory characters who get attracted into that world, like politics.

Like, you know, it's like you have people who actually want to help, maybe two of them, and then the rest of them are not there for the right reasons.

And I think it gives it a bad name.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Do you feel like besides

tying up people in your crawl space, do you have any other hidden talents or hobbies?

Well, I don't really have time for anything else.

Really?

It's just that.

I mean, my crawl space is getting full.

Have you seen my apartment on the podcast?

It's tiny.

It's pretty small.

Tiny.

Pretty small.

Yeah.

No, but is there anything else you're into?

Like, are you into surfing or?

Oh, I love pickleball.

I don't even care.

I will talk about it.

I love pickleball.

You can't be ashamed of yourself.

I love pickleball.

Have you tried it?

No.

Never.

No.

Okay.

All right.

Well, if you want to be close-minded, and that's fine.

That's your call.

It's your show.

You do what you want to do.

This is a white water fountains-only type of place.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

I mean, I have a lot of shit that I love to do.

You really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I've had a lot more time to do it lately, which is great.

But here's the thing.

This is actually, we kind of glanced over, but I think it's the big revelation for me is that you're working again as an actor.

Yeah.

And that's a consistent.

Like, I'm turning jobs down.

Really?

Yeah, my dance card's getting pretty full.

Hey, but that's great.

By the way, the first job that I turned down after four years of this shit,

I I mean,

it was the best feeling I've ever had.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm sure.

That also has probably felt great to take the first gig again.

100%.

Now, were you super nervous about how you will be, how you would be?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the story of how it all came up was hilarious because

my best friend Tyler, who has his own podcast called the Painful Lessons Podcast, he called me on Thursday and he goes, I got a movie offer for you.

And I go, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?

Like, it has been four years since I worked.

He goes, no, no, I have a movie offer for you.

I go, why the fuck would you have a a movie offer for me?

What are you talking about?

He goes, I don't know, man.

Some guy on Instagram DM'd me and has a movie for you.

And I was like, if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, bro.

And he goes, I don't know.

Do you want me to just send it over to you?

And I was like, all right, fine.

Send it over to me.

And so he sends me the information.

He sends me the guy's name and phone number.

He goes, just call the guy.

And I was like, I'm not going to call this guy.

He goes, call the guy.

Call him on Friday.

On Saturday, I drive out to Arizona.

I start rehearsals on Sunday.

What?

What?

It was like that.

Yeah.

And it was a legit thing.

It was a legit movie.

It's the one with William H.

Mason and Thomas Jane.

It was out.

Jesus Christ.

So how about now?

It's because, like, agents are always agents.

Yeah.

So were you, like, did an agent

go like, oh, right?

I have not had a single.

So I've got like five jobs right now that I'm kind of like dealing with and engaging with.

I leave for Croatia in January.

Like I go to the Philippines in springtime.

Like I've got these jobs, right?

Not a single one of them has come through an agent.

I'm not surprised.

Yeah.

So are you working this out just with a lawyer?

Yeah, I have an attorney.

That's all you need.

It's It's great.

It's fucking amazing.

It saves me 10%.

Yeah.

So how should people book you for movies?

Email my lawyer.

It's on IMDB.

His name is Todd Rubenstein.

You guys want Army Hammer in your fucking show?

Yeah.

You email Ruby Stein.

That's it.

That's it.

Work it out with him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

But good for you.

You kind of don't have to sift through their bullshit then, the agents.

You don't know when they're lying to you.

Yeah.

I almost feel like it'd be the move is like as your workload increases, your profile grows again.

You should just be like, Yeah, I don't want an agent.

You should just keep the lawyer thing.

I'm thinking about it.

I mean, I want to go even further than that.

I want to do the sort of like Bill Murray, I have an 800 number that you call that I check every couple months.

I think you're like one of the few people that could then kind of really justify it, too.

Well, I think because whatever level I reached as an actor was, let's say, here, and then whatever level I reached in infamy as a cannibal is like up here.

So it's like you want to stunt hire the guy who eats people, like call my 800 number.

Yeah.

I have a question.

Do you think, you know how on IMDB it ranks your star meter like when you have a project come out?

Do you think the cannibal period rose your star meter?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

I'd have to ask the Wayback Machine.

Josh Zolo, can we see if that affected it?

Yeah.

Because it doesn't matter whether or not I legitimately have

the number four or five most searched person on Google globally.

So I believe that's a lot.

That's a lot.

It's a lot.

Yeah.

You're up there with like presidents and shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People ought to know.

And it sucks.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not fun.

I'm sorry.

I switched to a flip phone.

I switched to a flip phone for a long while.

Sorry.

No, I would.

I changed my number and I got a fucking old flip phone and I lived on a farm and I grew food.

Somebody just told me that they did that.

And I actually, I started to think about it more like recently where they got a phone, an additional phone.

And it's their primary phone, and they didn't download any social media on it.

And they keep social media on a separate phone.

So it's like they have to go to the phone to do it just to be free of it.

I don't know who this is, but they're cheating.

Yeah.

They're cheating.

That's the only reason you have two phones like that.

Oh.

Bat phone.

Okay.

Yeah.

There you go.

All right.

Hey, how many do you have?

I have four.

Oh, my God.

I have four for that.

Busy man.

Yeah.

Busy man.

Fuck, dude.

All right, Star Meter.

Well, that's pretty good.

Let's see.

Yeah, you got high.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're up there.

What is that?

Seven?

I can't read that.

Entertainment tonight?

I don't know.

That's in 21.

Down 41 this week.

Thanks.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks for this.

Thanks for pulling up these metrics.

Peaks.

That's so sick.

Yeah.

What a great business.

Here's a visual representation of your fame.

I do want to say that I am in the top 1,373.

That's pretty good.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

I mean, there's not that, you know,

there's a lot of people doing this.

Actually,

gosh.

I'd pull ours up.

See how we're doing.

You'll feel better.

I'm probably not even.

1,371.

God damn it.

I'm out of here.

I've got to be way better.

I'm way.

I'm not even on the map.

Let's see.

Yeah.

I'm 12,000, bro.

Yeah.

I would trade spots with you.

I don't know.

Like, generally.

Christina?

You can't tie me up.

Oh, no, no.

I'm not into your Shibari.

Let's see.

Shibuditsu.

I'm not even on there.

Yeah, 21,000.

I'm dead.

Dude.

Yeah, but you went up.

See, that's the thing.

You went up 1,814 points.

What did I do, Oprah, when I had cancer?

Oh, yeah.

No, I'm sure I had breast cancer.

Like, around that time, and that's probably what it was.

Like, the People magazine or whatever.

Don't, please stop looking at it.

it.

Whoa, what's up?

What's up, People?

What was that?

Did I get cancelled?

No, 2,000?

What?

Very small jeans.

Oh, my special.

Oh, wow.

It did well.

All right, go back to the middle.

I feel like Netflix never tells me

when I do well.

What the fuck?

Damn, dude.

I'm super jelly right now.

Oh, my God.

I did so much better than you in my specialty.

You're above 2,000.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, man.

Fuck yeah, that shit's tight.

Look how high that is.

Shut up.

Star meter.

How many people do you think check this daily?

Oh, my God.

There's got to be actors that are like, please, God.

So it's a really good thing.

I've heard, and I'm not going to name names, but I've heard of actors who go onto their IMDb message board.

What?

I don't know if they even still have it.

Oh, and will be like, that's not true.

He's a great actor.

Like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's doing really good.

There's some comics that do that too.

Back in the day.

Come on, yeah.

Where they have their name names and cowards.

They have their burner accounts.

I mean, and then in, you know, famously, Kevin Durant did it.

Oh, yeah.

Did he forget to switch accounts?

I think that something like that happened where people were criticizing him, and he had an account that just would defend Kevin Durant.

Wow.

You can look at like the tweet history of the account, and it's all like.

I heard Kevin Durant has a huge penis.

Yeah, well, he, I think he actually, he's a...

Pretty cool about it.

I think he kind of just accepted it, whatever.

He's a really outspoken guy, but he was probably actually getting slandered unnecessarily.

You know, also when it's about your game, you're like, shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

Well, there's like that whole tall poppy syndrome thing, too.

You know,

what's that?

The like the tallest poppy, everyone wants to cut it down.

So true.

Yeah.

Haters gonna hate, bro.

What are you gonna do?

Well,

people can listen to the Army Hammer Time podcast.

Does it release the same day every Mondays?

Every Monday, we drop a new episode.

Check out a new episode.

Yeah.

And I can see you in some upcoming films.

Yes, you can.

Pretty exciting, man.

It's awesome.

I think maybe even next year one of them might be coming up.

Oh, my God.

That's awesome, man.

Your podcast is lovely.

I really enjoy listening to you talk with your mother.

Very open, very candid.

And like,

you get very personal, which I think is really cool.

Because a lot of people go through the same kind of stuff you did, trauma, and like, how do you get through it?

You know, and how do you talk to your parents about it and all that?

And I don't know.

I thought it was very interesting.

So give it a listen, you guys.

I appreciate it.

Check it out.

Trot out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks for coming in there.

Thanks for having me.

It was super fun.

This is also really good for me to see like what a podcast can get to.

Where you're like, we'll fly out.

I was like, podcasts do that?

Like, here's your hotel room.

Oh, do you need my credit card for the hotel room?

No, we don't.

What?

What is going on here?

Wow.

And then it's a fucking compound you got here.

This is.

Wait until you see the bathroom.

We have mints and stuff.

Whoa.

Oh, yeah.

Flossers.

Chapstick.

Well, after this fucking uh nicotine pouch, I'm gonna go need to take a shit in your bathroom.

So I'm very excited about this.

And there's fucking dude wipes in there.

No way, yeah, fresh.

I mean, I bring my own every.

Oh, that's cool.

You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I actually do have wipes in my back deck.

Yeah, that's fucking, yeah.

I need to start doing that more.

I feel like I shit like an animal on the road

all the time.

Thanks for coming.

Thank you guys for watching.

Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.

Bye.

Alright, here we go, Jeans.

Oh shit.

No, this is not nothing to do with you, I promise.

Yeah, right.

I promise.

It's a surprise.

It's it's it's a surprise.

It's

it's a sur it's it's it's it's it's a surprise.

Wet nutsack.

This is no shit.

Wet nutsack.

It's it's it's it's it's a surprise.

Wet nutsack.

This is no shit.

Wet nutsack.

It's a surprise.

It's she's coming.

Wet nutsack.

It's she's coming.

It's just coming, you know.

I know.

It's she's coming.

Wet nutsack.

It's she's coming.

It's coming.

It's a surprise.

You did it, and we both went.

It is incredible.

Wet nutsack.

It's a surprise.

Again, again, I want more.

Is there more?

Wet nutsack.

I think it was towards the end of lunch.

Especially when you do it in front of your mom.

Your mom, your mom, your mom, your mom.

Mike and Alyssa are always trying to outdo each other.

When Alyssa got a small water bottle, Mike showed up with a four-litre jug.

When Mike started gardening, Alyssa started beekeeping.

They called a truce for their holiday and used Expedia Trip Planner to collaborate on all the details of their trip.

Once there, Mike still did more laps around the pool.

Whatever.

You were made to outdo your holidays.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia, made to travel.