Taking Kendall Toole For A Spin | YMH Ep. 781

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Pull your pants up over your eyeballs.

It's time for another episode of Your Mom's House.

As always, I'm so happy to welcome my co-host, Christine.

Christine Ginza.

How are you?

I'm good, John Segura.

It's good to see you again.

It's good to see you.

What's been going on?

Well, you know, I'm still recovering, reeling,

basking in the afterglow.

That is Fancy Chef.

It was unbelievable.

It was really unbelievable.

There was so much excitement leading up to his being here.

And then when he was here, we were all in a frenzy.

Yeah.

We really were.

Everybody was like texting me, like, what are you getting here?

Well,

it's the only time we've ever identified a unique talent online.

Yeah.

Found somebody.

And the time from

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Identifying to having the person on the show was like it was highly concentrated.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

Like, there's been times we've played people where you go, like, oh, yeah, and then it's like two years

go by, and then we finally have somebody find that person in the wild or something, you know.

But like, this was identify the person a lot.

I got to also, because I know the people at home were like, that is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.

And I feel the same way.

I want to give credit to this incredible staff here because they worked really hard.

First of all, just to get him to answer one of his three lines,

coordinating the travel, and then preparing everything that a fancy chef requires to

come and cook at a place.

Kudos to you guys.

Everybody here did such a great job.

You guys did an awesome job.

I mean, it was outdoor stoves.

Yeah.

Well, we had to be ready for him to do what he does best, which is cook.

Cook.

Yeah.

And we all were just

blown away at the innovation and the creativity.

As he said, things that have never been done before.

I truly, truly, truly, truly.

Remarkable first-time things were done that,

yeah.

Well, let's recap because I've been dreaming about his cream sauce that he put on the pasta.

He gave me the John Segura.

That's the name of that dish.

Right.

So for those of you, I mean, I'm sure we have the recipe

has probably been posted.

Yeah, we should do that, you know, the where you show them how to make it.

But the John Sagura consists of

first you make

scallops and you let those kind of chill for a couple hours.

Then you get shrimp and you cook those.

And then, as the pasta sits, you let the pasta sit.

Usually, like it to kind of, you know, want it to cool down and kind of just chill for a couple hours.

Then,

in a saucepan, you do

three large spoonfuls of butter, about half a bottle of extra virgin olive oil, two cartons of heavy creamer, half a bottle of red wine, just pick any one you want, and then half a bottle of champagne.

This is such an extraordinary flavor.

I believe me.

Hold on, you forgot the two jars of ready-made pesto.

Oh my god, how could I forget?

You put the two jars of pesto in, and then at the very end, when you go, what can make this even better?

You squeeze three lemons over all of that.

Listen to me, your palate comes alive.

I have, I'm friends with a number of chefs.

I've been telling them about this, and they are all saying the same thing.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Because they've never heard of anything like that.

I've never had innovation like that before.

Now, what's neat about it, and a lot of people, you know, you're just watching.

I wish we could have taste a vision so the audience could taste what we tasted.

When I took a bite of my shrimp,

alcohol, heavy,

so much alcohol, so much alcohol.

But I liked it because I got a buzz just off a one-bite shrimp, which is cool.

Some people think, oh, if there's an overpowering taste of something, let's say alcohol, that this is poorly made.

No.

But not

if that

is the purpose of that.

That's right.

You know what I mean?

Not if you're an alcoholic, and then it's a dream dish.

It's so good that you go, holy shit, I feel drunk.

I feel like I'm eating food that's just been soaked in booze.

And then you go, but yeah, but that was, that's the concept.

You got to open your, basically, you're boring is what I'm trying to tell you.

And then you

try these things and you go, oh, shit.

Okay.

And also for those pussies out there who are like, I only eat olive oil or I only do butter or not not both.

You don't like to mix the oil.

We don't like to mix butter, oil, and heavy creamer.

That's awesome.

And the pesto, don't forget the pesto is also in oil as well.

Right.

It sits in an oil base.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of oil.

But here's the other thing.

What if you're constipated?

Guess what?

Not after the John Segre, you're not.

That's right.

That's just probably why he did it again.

Everywhere.

Brilliant.

Because he maybe have heard you talking previously on an episode about being constipated.

There you go.

Being like, oh, I'm having.

And then what if he was just like, oh,

that's right.

Can I tell you something?

What's interesting?

I haven't been constipated in a while.

Maybe it's because you ate the John Segura.

That's definitely the John Segura.

Also, not taking the Ozempic for the last couple, three months.

That's probably cool, too.

I think there's a link between Ozempics and

the Expansion.

Thanks.

You look great.

Thanks, kid.

Your hair looks good.

Thanks.

I did it for you.

And I'm wearing a goth tuxedo shirt.

Look at that shirt.

Do you love it?

It's so ruffled.

Can I tell you something?

What?

When I was goth growing up, we'd have to go to vintage clothing stores and buy authentic

tuxedo shirts.

I think it looks great.

From the 70s, but listen, they would all smell because there was some dude's tuxedo shirt from the 70s, and so I would have to suffer through the bad smells.

But now they're cool again.

It's very cool.

Thanks, pal.

And what about the necklace?

This is a goth item I bought on Etsy.

Wow.

I do all my goth jewelry shopping on Etsy.

Wow.

Yeah.

All right.

And the nails, too, which I'm going to tell you the story about that.

Now, what about you?

Are you in a festive mood?

Is that why you're wearing your black tee and your khakis?

Or what?

What is this mood for you?

You tell me your inspiration board.

I mean, it wasn't an inspiration board.

It's just, you know, got to go.

I'm busy.

That's what this look is?

Yeah.

I had just, yeah, not a lot of thought went into it.

It was just grab a shirt, go do, I mean, you know.

No, I know because like last week you were like, I'm so happy.

I'm in a good mood.

Yeah, wear bright colors.

You wore cream.

Cream, yeah.

Off-white.

It was very bright.

Sure.

Everybody said that except for you.

Everybody's like, you look festive today.

Do you ever he wears white normally?

Yeah, like, doesn't Tom wear kind of cream, white, gray?

Those are your yellow.

I wear yellow shirts, never all the time.

He can pull up fucking clips of me wearing yellow shirts with one yellow with two bears, maybe.

Not with not with me.

I've done it here, too.

But you know what it just shows?

You don't pay attention.

No, that's the difference.

You don't.

Why don't we uh play an opener for the show?

Uh-oh.

Ready?

Here we go.

Hey, ladies, if you like a guy who will give your lower lips lots of loving,

I'm your man.

That's what you chose.

Don't bring anyone with you.

Your mom in the fucking stand.

Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura.

Tom Pazugura.

And Christina Pajitsi.

Welcome.

Now, meow, now, now, meow, now.

I feel

you in my dreams, mister, sitting on the couch.

Please don't molest me.

I don't want to see

you.

God,

I'm your man.

Why did you have to bum me out with him?

I was having the best time.

I'm having a better time now.

But I'm not.

I don't like these cool guys.

I love these guys.

They're like, I'm going to eat your pussy box and like your.

Why does it make you so happy?

I don't know.

It's fucking cool.

I guess it's just cool.

Is it cool?

Yeah, I like when they're like this.

You know why?

I like someone's not scared to be sexy.

Okay.

All right.

He's not holding.

Okay.

Wait, I saw a clip of Bert telling you that he and Leanne are dirty talking in bed.

No, he's yeah.

Well, he's like, I like, oh, I go dirty talk.

I was like, what do you say?

He's like, I can't, I can't, I can't.

I was like, just, what do you say?

He's like, ew.

Like, whose pussy is this?

Ew.

Ew, that's kind of, but see, that's like a dumb guy thing to say.

Like, whose pussy is this?

Yeah, you think we were talking about a physicist?

We're talking about Bert.

He's like, I'm confused.

Is this my pussy?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, because I can't imagine him doing that.

You know what I mean?

I can't imagine him.

He's like a brother to me, but whatever.

Yeah.

I can't.

I can't.

Hey, this brings me into a question.

Yeah.

You have to look at me.

Okay.

You have to pay attention.

It's very important.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I was hanging out with Duncan's wife, Erin, this last weekend.

We were talking about what dudes like.

And I want you to be very honest with me, and I won't be upset.

I'm not going to get jellies.

I'm not going to be weird.

You can tell me the truth.

No, no.

I'm going to ask you something and then you tell me whether or not you really like it.

Okay.

But again, don't don't be.

Don't be weird.

I'm not going to hold it against you.

I'm closing my eyes so that I don't make judgments based on your look.

I'll just tell you honestly.

Okay.

So Aaron and I were out and we saw this girl wearing like the Lululemon, you know, tight pants, the whatever that shit's called, the athletic leggings.

Leggings.

Yeah.

And Aaron was like, oh my God, like you can see they're pussies.

And I've asked Duncan whether or not he likes it.

And Duncan said that he doesn't.

And look, I don't think Duncan lies, but I

don't know that you're going to tell your wife that it excites you sexually, but you'll tell me because you don't have that level of concern for my feelings.

You don't care.

You know what I mean?

Like you're way worser to me than Duncan probably is to Aaron.

They're like newlyweds.

They're newly weds.

We've been together for a thousand years.

Okay.

So just tell me the truth.

When you see the Lululemon girl and you can see her pussy lips through the leggings.

Got it.

What does that do?

What's she look like?

That's a big factor.

It's a huge factor.

Of course it is.

But hold on.

So is everything, by the way.

So hold on.

So if it's a pig, well, hold on.

How about this?

She's a normal, nice, nice weighted

fit gal.

Just a fit gal.

Yeah.

Do you have to see the face before you look at the pussy lips or can you?

Okay, well, because I didn't think you were going here because the thing that usually I think most men

minds go to when you talk about these types of pants, it's the ass.

Because

the pants actually, this is why they exploded in popularity.

The pants give the wearer a better ass.

True story.

So if you were going to say, do you like the way it looks on their ass?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

It looks great.

Yeah.

Do I, I don't notice usually pussy lips, as you said, on those.

I see the ass.

But if you see the lips, does it arouse you?

Does it disgust you?

No, I think more than anything, you're just alarmed.

Seeing a cooch in public, you're just like, Jesus.

I mean, you're just like, are you, you're not like, God, that's fucking.

Well, I don't know.

There's some pigs in the booth.

I don't think seeing seeing.

A puss in public is not generally like, that's what I'm talking about right there.

It's usually like dude are you fucking seeing this that's what that is because right so it's it's genitals it's not like you know what I mean like the ass it's the shape right just like breasts you just see a shape and you're just like oh that's sexy that the it's the insinuation of what you actually want them

they're covered yeah so it's there's something mysterious there it's not exposed yeah you go that's sexy right but like it's the same thing if you were like this woman's topless be like do you like it i'd be like i guess also she's naked this is weird We're in public.

But Aaron and I were talking about camel toe and how, like, when we were growing up, it's shameful.

I don't think it, I think it's laughable and more shock value than it is enticing.

But nowadays, girls, like, it's okay to have camel.

Is it a thing to have camel toe?

Josh, Solo, you're 25.

I don't know.

I don't think girls are purposefully showing it.

I think they are.

Really?

Look at Annie.

Look at Annie.

They're showing their lips on purpose to get dudes to check them out.

Yeah.

That's such an extreme, though.

It's such, it's so exciting.

School my husband because he's a thousand years old.

School me.

I mean, I'm sure, you know, they definitely exist, but I feel like

it's one of those things that's like better in a fantasy.

You know what I mean?

Like, it'd be hot if you saw it in one of those Instagram profiles that like fakes like it's not porn, but it's like, this is porn.

I like it there, too, because I'll be like, Trip Planner by Expedia.

You were made to outdo your holiday,

your hammocking,

and your pooling.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia, made to travel.

Ooh, that's what's that?

And then you figure it out, but again, it's the mystery of like, what's that?

And then you go to the bottom.

And also, he's right, because in a photo, it's a still image, right?

And you're like, she know, wait, you know, you're doing the game, and that's enticing.

In public, if you walk around and you literally see a cooch, you're, you're, you're kind of, you're just going to go like, frog, like, this is insane.

That's what it is.

I know.

You also think this woman's mentally ill.

You're not like, oh, she's probably cool.

This woman's fucking crazy.

Of course.

If she's walking around with her pussy lips like sticking out, you're not like, yeah, she's probably pretty chill.

I'm just going to.

That's the side effect of the Lululemon leggings is that if you, I'm telling you, if you pull them up too high and then you, oh, you got your roogie in there?

Of course.

Yeah.

How many are there in your mouth right now?

Because it looks a little puffy.

Four.

Four.

There's more room now without that Invisalign.

I have,

I'm telling you, I remember when my father said this about multiple myeloma.

I've been to the mountain, top and back now.

I've been to the top

and I know where it can go.

This shit has been horrible.

So it's been real.

But you're free now.

And I got a lot of support.

I want to thank everybody.

I got a lot of support from people who are informing people like you who have never experienced anything like like it how rough it can be to get your dizzy line,

how rough it can be to get them off.

And by the way,

the maintenance, you know what I have to do every fucking night?

I sleep with a retainer now.

You're such a child.

It's so gay.

That's way crazier than what you're doing.

It is.

I know.

Radiation is like, it's so.

How long does radiation last?

Well, I go five minutes last night.

How long does it last?

10 minutes.

Okay.

Yeah, and I'm sleeping with this shit eight hours a night.

And you're like, oh, mine's worse.

I don't think so.

So speaking of, I went to this morning before this to do radiation.

You got to listen.

I'm listening.

So there's the waiting room, the green room before.

Yeah, and it's all oldies.

Yeah.

And the magazines are so suck.

It's like, there's one good housekeeping.

Bad magazines are the worst.

I know.

And there's one like French southern living.

And I'm like, wouldn't it be funny if I could just bring in some playboys because there's a lot of dudes there and just see what happens yeah like what would you want old people to read by the way look at that message just got word from girls in the office they all say camel toe is embarrassing and not on purpose but those are good girls that we work with those are good girls normal good girls fair enough i'm talking about whores

yeah but all whore behavior is like it's it's a whore but i'm saying in the whore world aaron told me yeah that whores do that.

They show.

Sure, but those are, I mean, are you talking about hoes?

This is a new phenomenon, but I'm saying Cameltoe was a shameful thing, and now it's kind of, it is like out there.

Okay.

Because of the Lululemon pants, I'm telling you.

I'm telling you,

more men are into seeing a great ass than being like, oh, I hope I can see her puss through those pants.

I have to admit,

when I see either someone's dick and balls through their pants or they're anybody's genitals with the women, it's like a special treat, like a dark treat.

Like what you were saying where you're like, oof, I didn't want that, but I'm, it's fun.

Like that's something to think about.

Uh-huh.

You know what I mean?

To think about.

It's like a, like, I didn't want that.

I didn't know I wanted it until I got it.

And I'm like, that's funny.

But it's funny.

Yeah.

Like, don't you kind of like seeing inappropriate thing?

Yeah, I love seeing inappropriate things.

It's the best.

Well, yeah, that's kind of what I'm saying.

If you see a puss in public, like you're talking about, the thing you're going to do is be alarmed, and then you want to find other people to tell.

Of course.

So you're just like, hey, hey, hey.

Don't you remember the dad?

Yes, of course I remember Kenny.

And I talked about him.

Of course.

The whole community knew about him.

You're seeing this guy's dick right now.

For instance,

your son Ellis and I, we were out in public, and we saw this lady who was wearing a tank top that was the same color as her skin.

So it looked like she was wearing nothing.

Oh, looked like, yeah, skin tone.

And both of us, we were like, whoa.

And I was like, is that, is she wearing a naked shirt?

Like, what is that?

And the other day, he's like, I saw her again.

She wasn't naked.

I know what color her skin is now.

Like, he gave me an update like weeks later.

It was so cute.

He remembered it.

Like, he really, it resonated.

And I'm so happy to pass that along to my son to start judging strangers.

So, how often are you staring at cocks in public?

Well, only if they present themselves.

I'm not staring all the time.

How does a cock present itself?

When a gentleman wears sweatpants.

Sweatpants.

When I go to a basketball game with you.

This has happened once in five years.

I know, but that's what I'm saying.

Well, I'm saying, like, biker shorts.

That seems like a dick wearing.

That one's a little too blatant.

Oh.

I liked it at the Olympics when that guy pole vaulted.

The whole world liked it.

That was amazing.

And the diver.

The diver, amazing.

But I don't like to see the actual genitals.

Like, remember, we were in Florida on the beach and that man.

I didn't like that.

I don't like to see them.

It's the shape.

The shape.

The hint of, oh, what's that?

Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

This is what asses and tits are.

And then it goes too far.

It goes too far.

It's the same thing.

Yeah, it's the same thing.

What about like gene cock?

Like, that's fun.

I love that.

And I like that in Europe because they tend to wear tighter jeans.

They definitely wear tight jeans.

Especially in Eastern Europe, and you can really see what's happening down there.

And you know exactly who's packing meat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I see you talking a little longer to the person.

I'm like, hey, what are you doing?

And you're like, ah, just he's from here.

It's just so interesting to learn about.

Whose pussy is this?

Whose pussy is this?

It's definitely a question.

You never said that.

Whose pussy is this?

Whose dick is this?

We've been together too long, babe.

I know the answers.

Okay, you want to come hard?

Oh, no, I don't want.

Why are you doing sexual today?

Waft that up there.

Get a whiff.

Stop.

Stop.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, got it.

Next clip, please.

Okay, you don't like energy?

That's fine.

What if I put the good housekeeping cover on a pornographic magazine?

That'd be rad.

Yeah.

That would be rad.

Some old people are friendly.

Most of them aren't chatty at all.

It's a little bummer.

What happens to you when you get old?

You just don't want to talk to anybody.

Yeah.

I think it makes sense.

You know why?

In a general sense, you're just tired.

Sure.

You know what I mean?

Like, if right now, if you're tired, I'm like, do you want to do this and do you want to do that?

You go, no.

You want to go to dinner with these people?

No, I'm tired.

Yeah.

But what if your whole day is tired?

All every day.

Sucks.

They're just tired.

I know.

That's my enemy, though.

I don't want to be tired all the time.

Nobody does, but I'm saying that's what when you're seeing someone who's like 80 and they're like, oh, God.

They're just fucking, that's why they always nap.

They fall asleep in every chair.

Because they're ready to die.

You're just getting ready to die.

But then you see those fit people that are 80 and they don't.

Oh, there's the fucking

fit.

You just answered the whole formula.

I know you got to be fit.

I know.

I know.

As you know,

few things I think you would agree give me more joy than

a black guy speaking aggressively.

That's true.

This has been

the entire time you've known me.

and especially when it's in the sports world.

And I have a clip here that put a smile on my face this morning.

This is a little league football coach.

These kids are 10.

Okay.

This is a travel football team called the Firehawks.

And coach is getting ready for the game.

First play, y'all knock a motherfucker's shit loose.

Do you hear me?

Tired this motherfucker up and tear their ass up, man.

Line it up.

Nice.

That's what's up, man.

It gets you.

I get so.

God, when it's related to football, too, it just puts me in the best mood.

You're saying what puts a smile on my face?

Sure, it's a nice ass in a pair of Lululemon leggings, but this makes me even happier.

Knock a motherfucker shit loose.

I think it's the greatest.

I really wish I had had a little league coach like this.

Hey, yeah, for sure.

Then you'd win.

But this is what makes winners.

Yeah.

And there's also parents out there that are crying.

Pussies.

Pussies.

I actually, I cry when I see the opposite style coach.

Just get out there and have some fun.

Because it's okay if you don't win or lose.

Nobody's a winner.

No, it's about

just being active.

No, it's not.

And playing a game.

Losers.

That's what it's about.

This is how losers are made.

Banging.

Fuck.

Of course.

Whack.

You know, I tell my children,

I do Soviet mom regime regimens on them, too.

And I say, what, though, you want to be a warrior or you want to be crybaby American pussy?

I raise you to be strong, like Eastern European.

Yeah.

Same thing.

I talk to them.

I don't scream like that, but I tell them, you want to be an American pussy boy?

You should try screaming like this.

See what happens.

Actually, I've done it.

They don't like it that much.

No, no, they don't like that.

But I'll tell you, it's true, though, that you can't be like super.

I'll give you an example.

The last few months I've been more tired, so I don't do as much as a mom.

And I went to this trampoline park with the boys.

And I've noticed some

moms like to get in the ball pit with the kids and be a part.

I'm like, what are you doing?

This is your one chance for them to fuck off and you get some quiet time.

You know what I'm saying?

And Julian was like, mommy, come with me.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

You go.

You go.

You go.

I don't want to go.

I'm scared.

Fucking go, bitch.

Yeah, you'll figure it out.

Figure it out.

And he did.

No, and he had the best time.

And that's, and they're happier because I'm ignoring them more.

I'm happier because I'm ignoring them.

The worse mother I am, the happier everybody is.

In the public setting, I know.

You see these fucking dilettantes, right?

God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey,

every second, they're hovering, and you're like, God, what's up, rookie?

Yeah.

Take a seat.

Go buy us some fucking coffee.

You're new here.

This is why you take them to a playground to ignore them.

Yeah.

Go play.

Play with them.

The fuck fuck are you doing?

Paul, get some scratches.

Get bruises.

Our kids, we went for ice cream yesterday.

We were at the playground.

And our two boys were on the floor wrestling.

Wrestling.

We were like, this is why you have two.

They fuck off the entertaining.

Ow, ow, ow.

And you're like, yeah, yeah, all right, take it easy.

Don't kill them.

Who cares?

And I have a rule.

Whoever makes the other person cry is the one that gets punished.

You don't get punished until somebody cries.

When someone cries, then you're like, that's it.

That's right.

right's getting taken away

i didn't do anything but this is my favorite too is that kids go i didn't do anything and you're like why is he crying yeah i guess i hit him kind of hard okay that is what you did cool um

hold on what's up go ahead go ahead i wanted to read this to you this is apropos our discussion a few episodes ago of how is it that meth heads can be fat.

Yes.

Okay.

Because there's, yeah, it's very, it doesn't seem like they should be able to be.

Yeah, because meth is the whole reason you look hot.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Ta-ta, they're returning.

He got pretty heavy.

Hi, Hitlers.

I moved to Vegas in 2001 and began doing crystal meth.

I never knew people did meth so casually.

Literally everyone was doing it.

My friends' moms would sometimes just turn to me and ask if I wanted to get high while rocking their kid to sleep or preparing a bottle for their baby.

Fuck.

I fell in with some biker types, and a guy I met would eat pounds of bacon when he would come down.

He insisted he needed fat so that people wouldn't be able to tell he was on meth.

He was into the idea that the Nazis invented meth.

We know that.

And they had developed protocols to stay healthy.

He was super fat, but he would stay up for weeks at a time.

Everyone else in his orbit was wasting away.

It was crazy.

Oddly, his plan seemed to work.

He eventually ended up having a heart attack while driving his motorcycle like a psycho and died.

Would love Dr.

Mommy's thoughts on this guy's lifestyle.

Touching my camera through the fence, you faggot?

Yeah, well,

it's a good question.

Well, it makes sense if you come down after days and days of partying and then you just stockpile calories, maybe.

I mean, that's what he's doing because, like you said, he knew going into it.

He's like, oh, these meth heads always are so skinny and wiry, and then everyone knows.

You know, they're gaunt.

But like, like, if I load up on bacon, that won't happen to me.

Well, is that what the Nazis did, Tom?

I don't know that the Nazis followed that proto.

Yeah, I think they, I mean, they, they had, they had them fucking geeked out the whole time.

Yeah, they were gacked.

That's how they did the Blitzkriegs.

All of it.

Yeah, they were fucking,

they were just fighting, just tweaking all the time.

I wonder what this protocol is, the Nazi protocol.

Yeah.

You don't fall proto, buddy.

You're done.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, Fat Smoker did it.

Herc, he was fucking.

He was fat.

He was heavy.

Yeah.

He was also

eating dog food and drinking Pepsis all day.

So maybe, you know.

Eating dog food.

Yeah.

He's just had all kinds of bullshit in his snacks.

He always had chips and fucking.

Yeah.

I think he just ate whatever.

We have to ask Dr.

Drew.

Yeah.

He could definitely tell us.

This is his domain.

Recovery and drugs and stuff.

Good question.

Remind us to ask Dr.

Drew this question, please.

We'll do.

Yeah, because I have friends that did meth in high school and nobody was fat.

No, they usually get real skinny.

They look great.

Stay up for days.

That's what happens.

You just

start withering away.

Your body's burning calories.

And your brain is going psychotic and shutting down from a lack of sleep, too.

Yeah, the combination of the two is a fun, fun time.

All right, why don't we take a quick break?

And we'll be right back.

Ready in Chemesh, Alba, Shalosh.

Steim.

All right.

Welcome back.

We are thrilled to introduce our guest today.

You may have seen her in the saddle or out of the saddle.

That's just inside talk.

For

a certain spin class you might take on what was where she formerly was.

But now you can find her on her podcast wholeheartedly with Kendall and Gailey, or check her out all over social media, of course, on Instagram at Kendall Tool.

It's Kendall Tool.

What's up, you guys?

Thanks for coming in.

Thank you for having me.

I have been tagged in this podcast so many times.

And I'm like, do I clap back?

Do I comment?

And then I was like just waiting for the opportunity to finally get here.

So Kendall, I'm happy to be here.

Well, let's fucking go.

Let's get into it.

I'm going to tell you.

I'm going to go fuck.

It's great.

Yeah, I'm going to do it.

Allowed to do it here.

Yeah.

It's a free place.

Freedom.

I'm going to be honest with you, Kendall.

First time I saw you,

first time I saw your figure, heard your voice, saw my husband peddling to you.

Had a little girl on girl hate.

I was a little jealous and I felt like you were trouble.

And then

keep going.

But then,

in all fairness, I did a dive on your socials and I was like, oh, she's a real one.

Like, you're a real G.

And

I don't know.

I like your story.

And I like that you like your dad and that you, yeah.

So can you tell us a little bit about you and your story?

Yeah, tell us your story.

I had no problem with you, but go ahead.

Yeah, you're like,

You're like, I liked you.

We're fine.

I didn't need to know.

I liked Kendall, and I like that you were on this.

You are so pretty, and you should be fitter than the people that are on the bikes.

Do you know what I mean?

That's why we have a problem with like fat Barbies.

Well, that's why I have a problem with fat Barbie.

I will, we'll get into that.

We can get into that.

We can get into that.

Tell me your story.

We hate it.

Inclusivity.

Go ahead.

Inclusivity is such a fucking joke.

No, watch that gets cold and I love it.

And I'm whatever.

Let's go.

Let's go.

It's fine.

But yeah, so my story, essentially, I was super fucking depressed and nobody would know.

And yes, I get it.

It's like, okay, here's the pretty white chick who has had all the privilege in the world and barely has a thought that goes through her brain.

I get it.

I knew how I came off, especially on the bike.

And when I got kind of cast for that job, I was like, damn, I am not doing anything to help anybody other than like, oh, look, look at her.

She's that girl on the bike.

She knows it.

And so, yeah, it was during COVID.

And obviously, all of us were depressed and locked away.

And I was in a studio apartment in New York and racking my head against a wall, right?

And I was like, I just need to talk about what I've really been through.

And so full story, Cliff Notes version, I was suicidal my senior year of college, almost took my own life.

Thank God that my mom, thank God for moms and dads.

And my mom was calling me mom.

But tell the story.

It's interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this is a, this is crazy.

This is wild.

So as parents, I will let you know your instincts are totally on point.

So I was doing everything great.

I went to USC, loved it.

Was in the world.

It was cool to get into.

It was a pain in the ass to get into.

Jeez, you're so good.

And I was in film and all that.

Thank you.

Yeah, it was a grind.

And still, I held it all together.

I pretended like everything was good.

I was cheering.

I was like little, little Miss Barbie, right?

That everybody thought.

And my life, like the color was just draining out of the day.

Like I would front to everybody I was good.

And then behind the scenes, I just, there was nothing.

I just felt empty.

But what prompted it?

Was it, what do you think?

I think it was a mix of, one, growing up in the film industry.

Like, I was like a total total failed kid actor.

Thank God in hindsight.

Oh, my God.

So you're going to auditions and all that as a kid.

All the auditions, all the nose.

I've had like grown adults tell me I needed like plastic surgery and a nose job to make it in Hollywood, hung out with all the Nickelodeon and Disney kids.

Oh, yeah.

That was your upbringing.

What?

That was your upbringing.

Yeah.

And being in that environment.

But then I had really, thank God, really good parents and a very strong, frightening Italian mother who would threaten to whoop my ass if anything ever changed.

So thank God for that.

And that helped.

But I think I just felt like I had failed.

Like I didn't hit this career goal by 18.

I did this movie that didn't have the renowned kind of moment that it was supposed to going into college.

And I was like, shit, everything I'd worked for myself my whole life, I'm failing.

I didn't do it.

You feel like a failure.

Totally.

Like full identity crisis.

A lot of people have a little bit later in life.

I had it like 20.

So realizing I was about to graduate college, I had to get a normal job and be a quote unquote normal person.

And I failed my dream that I worked so hard for, I think really ate away at me for a long time.

And so it was just before Thanksgiving.

It'll actually be nine years this year, which is pretty wild to think about it.

But I just, I don't know, what got into me, I just was tired of feeling nothing and climbed up to the roof of the building that I lived in.

And there was like a fence line above like, there was, because you could be on the roof and whatnot and climbed over that fence.

was moments before had this flash of like what would happen like kind of like i hate to say like a Christmas girl and like make this happy, but kind of what would happen to my parents, what the outcome would be.

And I saw out of the corner of my eye, my phone, which I had on silent, was kept lighting up and lighting up.

And I looked, climbed back over.

My mom was calling me

15, 16 times in a row.

She just knew something was wrong.

And we hadn't talked.

We hadn't talked for probably three, four hours.

I pretended everything was fine.

I didn't have a plan to do this.

I'd had these like thoughts come in for a while.

And I picked up the phone and she's like, what's wrong?

And I said, Can you come pick me up?

Wow,

and then the next three months-did you tell her when she picked you up?

No, no, so I didn't, I did not tell my parents how bad it really was till years later.

Really?

I was so afraid to tell them how close I was that I would, I was so worried it would end and create a problem for them at a deeper level

that I just did you get into counseling right away or you did.

Yeah, so this is kind of how I closed out my classes, which you know, like I always say, like they can knock you down, they can never knock you out.

So, where kind of that whole thing came from was one, my dad would always say it.

When we lived in Atlanta, we had a basement, like you do when you're living in Georgia or the South, and he would put a punching bag down there.

So, I'd always hear like the chains going, and he loved Rocky, all that stuff.

So, anyway, it kind of became a family motto.

But when I was, when I came back from school and this, I browned out.

I don't remember much of it.

I was in such a depressed state.

I couldn't shower.

I couldn't eat.

I got pulled out of school.

My professors were like, your grades are fine.

Like, we're just going to pass you for the, for the semester.

You're good.

And yeah, my dad came up to my room and said, essentially, kid, like, we're going to have to put you in inpatient.

I know you don't want to do that.

If we do, it's going to push your graduation date.

And I know that you're really scared of pushing that and you want to get out of college.

And so he said, look, I need you to.

get out, get a shower and start doing the little things.

And, you know, what's our, what's our motto in this family?

Like, what do we do?

He's like, this can knock you down, but you can't let this knock you out.

And I get like emotional every time I say it.

And

that was the turning point.

And that was, so what was really cool was when I started teaching fitness and pivoted my career and all that.

And I just started closing out all my classes even before Peloton with that phrase.

And now it's become, it's so wild.

Yeah, it's a thing.

But Kendall, I'm sorry, one second.

But look at you now is that you were destined to be a star.

And I think you know, that wasn't a right time for you as a child.

That would have been disastrous.

And how, how amazing it is that what is meant for you will come no matter what.

Oh, 100%.

And now look at you.

You're about to launch everything.

And not that you're not already popular, but this is wonderful.

So you made it there anyway at the right time.

Yeah.

And I think it's such a testament to the timing I had for myself.

I thought I failed and the bigger timing and what really the ultimate plan was.

I needed to go through that incredible valley.

Like,

why should you have a platform if you're not doing something positive with it?

Especially in like all the noise and all the chaos that is today.

It's like, I'm sick of just hearing random random people talk about random shit and be famous for nothing.

Like, I want, just tell me something, tell me something human.

So I'm really grateful for the fact that that hell created everything that I do now.

And so like, you know, I'm in the process of launching my own charity super soon, and I'm really excited about that and doing more advocacy and mental health and having real conversations and finding the funny in it because it's such a fucking weird existence and the duality of it's wild and we have to, you know, not make it so serious all the time too.

I know.

That's fun.

I'm glad you're doing that.

i'm so curious about this coach yeah what is it like for somebody because you have there's this roster of talent when when you have uh any of the fitness tools but like let's say the uh a peloton bike so you have a like you said you have a cheer background were you a cyclist too like did you have that background because you watch these things and you're like okay so like like i told you i take a lot of classes now from matt Oh, I love Matt.

And he's great.

You know, he's always talking about his triathlons and marathons.

And you're like, okay, this, it kind of adds up.

You're like, this guy's training

all the time.

Right.

So, and then some people, you know, you don't know what all their backgrounds are.

But, like, how does one,

what's the process of getting hired at somewhere like that?

I have a feeling by your response that it's like, yeah, that's my dog right there, Matt Wilpert.

Yeah.

Oh, I love Matt Wilpert.

Sweet guy.

He's an angel.

He's such a good human.

Yeah, so look at Matt.

He's legit.

Yeah.

I am a fucking poser.

Really?

I never taught a cycling class before Peloton.

Seriously?

I never taught one.

I lied.

I said I did.

And then

did you like fake it till you become it?

Is there because like, okay,

just all honesty, like when you start, you know, I started, I was probably 20 pounds heavier.

And so you're like, you know, you're doing like cycling classes.

Yeah.

And you realize, but then there's, you know, there's levels to this shit.

And when I'm doing like a 60 or 75 minute

power zone class, you're like, this is taxing.

Like Like, this is

built to be that way.

So, let me not completely negate myself.

Like, I am a certified personal trainer.

I understand how to build your body.

And I have a boxing background.

Okay.

So, I grew up fighting bitches.

Okay.

That was my cup of tea.

That's what I loved.

Yeah.

So, actually, one of my mentors is a film director.

And he, I met him in college before I had this breakdown.

And he's like, there's, there's shit going on with you.

He's like, you need to come to the boxing gym.

I was petrified, but I was like, this guy's awesome.

I'm not going to like let him down, you know?

And I fell in love with boxing.

And then I would go there two, three times a week.

He never, bless his heart, he never charged me for private training at this gym.

Wow.

And that set the tone for me and finding my power.

Oh, completely.

I will still say in anybody going through anything difficult, if they have the strength to go in and try boxing, I think it's transparent.

Yeah, boxing is

awesome.

Phenomenal.

Yeah.

But is there like an, is there like a legit audition to the instructor?

Yeah.

So how this whole thing happened was I was teaching a boxing fitness class at a place called Rumble in LA.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I was one of their founding trainers at the LA studio.

Okay.

And I kind of fell into that.

So the boxing trainer that was doing my private training with me at that gym when I was just learning boxing, he was opening a private, small, like boutique fitness studio in West Hollywood.

And I was broke because I worked for a very, very well-known social media platform and got fired because I wouldn't partake in certain behaviors.

But we can't say too much more about that.

Uh-huh.

Because legal's fun.

But

yeah, so pivoted from there and had to completely retool my life.

So I was like, I guess I'm broke as shit.

I need to teach some type of a class.

And he's offering me a job to be a boxing instructor.

So I taught four classes at this gym.

And then the owners of Rumble came in to my fourth class ever and were like, hey, you're decent at this.

Do you want to audition

to be a Rumble instructor?

Lived in New York, did that, opened the LA studio.

So after a year and a half of running the LA studio and being one of the founding trainers there, Cody Rigsby slid into my DMs on Instagram and was like, Hey, do you want to audition for Peloton?

I'm like, What is that?

Yeah, what is this?

And it's a bike.

And I've taken three soul cycle classes in my entire life.

And then you were like, Oh, I teach cycling sometimes.

Yeah.

Yep, I totally lied because I was broke and I wanted to move back to New York.

And I just had a feeling I needed to be back in that.

And you had spent your entire childhood auditioning.

So, how interesting that

that totally was not foreign to you.

And that's probably why you shined.

I'm sure they auditioned so many people.

Yeah,

there's a lot.

Sometimes you take classes.

You can take a class with just the instructor.

There's no one there.

When it's full of people, how are there people there?

Do they sign up for that?

Do they

email in or something?

It's aggressive.

So to try to book into those classes, they fill up in like sometimes 30 to 30 seconds to two minutes.

Wow.

And there's 40 spots.

And it's usually two to three weeks out.

So people will drop everything.

And they're like flying in to do it.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

They fly in, like, and then we have a meet and greet after.

And it's, it's wild you hear all the emotions you're like i overcame this i just got married i just divorced this muck like whatever all this stuff you hear it all and and we all do classes together that wow i'll say this it's cool i am a cynical sarcastic

uh-huh and when i start these things and you guys are all like cheery i'm like these idiots like being all like hey you can do it and then you're i'm alone at home and i'm then like you know after a few you're like oh no this is actually kind of nice

You guys are so positive.

I actually end up enjoying it.

I'll tell you, my, here's my biggest pet peeve, okay?

You're taking a class, and it's fucking hard, right?

So you're like, you're trying to like push through.

And, you know, they're like, all right, you know, like, you're ramping back up again.

And your guide is the instructor.

And it's like, you're in minute like 45.

And you're like, fuck, there's like 15 minutes left.

And the instructor starts with, like, I want you to dig deep right now.

And the instructor stops.

So the instructor stops

and goes, like, hey, guys, I know right now you're probably like thinking about how it's hard, but I want you to just dig deep.

And you're like, hey, motherfucker, start pedaling.

Thank you.

We're trying to fix it.

I agree.

And it makes me crazy.

I yell at the screen.

As you should.

So I will firmly stand on this.

The only two times I've ever stopped in classes was during my mental health rides.

And I did it because I wanted people to experience what it felt like to to work really, really hard and stop because it was a metaphor for thinking of quitting.

It makes sense.

Two times I've only ever done it.

Otherwise, I was an absolute animal.

I would not stop.

And that's why I'm not sure.

There's a certain instructor

I will tell you off mic that makes a regular practice of it.

It's bullshit.

It's not Matt.

Yeah.

It's not you.

It's not Matt.

But it's somebody who I feel like sending a fucking DM to myself.

Like, get your ass fucking peddling.

Yeah, you're telling me, I just believe, and I'm right there with you.

If I'm asking someone to do something, I'm not going to not do it with you.

Dude, yes.

Like, you're telling me to do shit?

Well, it's also like, why would you trust it?

It takes away our credibility, I think.

A thousand percent.

Like, if I'm going to say, this is going to be great for your body and this is going to be a great experience for you.

Yes.

Like, I'm much more of like the link arms type of a person.

Like, we'll get up the hill together.

Yes.

And it sucks.

Like, I taught metal rides.

Those things were absolute hell.

They're brutal.

I hated them, but I love them too.

How many fucking.

This is the other question I have.

Yeah.

How many sessions is a typical instructor teaching in a week?

Oh,

on a really intense week.

So we would have live classes with members.

Right.

And that was after COVID.

We got people back in the studio.

That's a whole ordeal, though, because you then get there early.

We do our own hair and makeup, or I used to, because I was there, did my own hair and makeup.

We all did.

And then you would teach sometimes one, sometimes two to three classes, depending on what the stack was.

And then you would do a meet and greet with everybody.

So you'd be out there.

It's like a three-hour and it's just a lot of energy, too.

It's wonderful, but it was very emotionally time-is it like five days a week?

Like, is it about three to five days a week, depending on your schedule?

Multiple classes a day?

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

So I would probably, I think on my busiest week, I probably would have like anywhere 14.

Oh, so you guys are getting after oh, yeah.

Wait, wait, it's only 14 classes per, not per day, per week.

No, per week.

It was like,

yeah.

And meet and greets.

Yeah.

And like.

Be perfect.

Yeah.

Jesus.

It was, it was a lot.

It was a lot.

No wonder Kendall looks like Kendall.

Now, I'm not going to name any names on this sheet here, but how come?

Just, you can scroll around.

Let's see who's up to the next one.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

How come they chose to

keep scrolling

people?

The aspirational.

Okay.

There's, okay, two things can be true at the same time, though.

Sure.

I will totally.

Listen, the great thing is that you have a whole crew of people that either you connect to or you don't, right?

It's like a whole cast of Avengers.

So some people,

some people like iron man some people like spider-man i think they're in part of the same thing i don't know i'm clearly too not too well versed i will say the instructors are all truly like they are athletes they can lift they can pull there are some body types too that like are different like if you look at an olympic weightlifter they're going to be built bigger and different like it's a different set and a different suite is this is there a weightlifting peloton that i'm not aware of

i don't i don't know about that i don't think we some people train olympic weightlifting it's a lot of cardio It's a lot.

There's a lot of strength program, though.

Jeez.

It's a lot of cardio.

Well, you know, you got to stay on top of your diet, too, Gene.

Oh, my God.

There is a thing, though, that I will say, I'm sure most people experience this.

You start some of these sometimes and you're like, nah, I don't like this guy.

And you just

right away.

It's funny.

It's energy, though.

It is.

And it's the same thing.

Like, you get a similar experience in a boutique fitness class.

Like, you know your instructors.

It's your jam.

And you just vibe and you, you know, you vibe with people.

You don't vibe with others.

Exactly.

yeah I get it it's like life it's anything you know I mean you walk into a room and you're just like nope you're like you suck I don't know why but you're terrible that's why I always like the real people like you and I love my homegirl that got well I'm sorry I'm blanking on your name right now she lives in Greece she lives comic that became

my my girl dude sorry guys it's been a rough year

stacia patwell hell yeah stacia sorry girl oh wait I don't know her she's great too because she also has a story of like hey i was an alcoholic i was like 20 pounds overweight had a breaking point as well and i got into fucking fitness yeah and same like when she teaches you she doesn't bullshit you and go like

a lot too yeah of course she's amazing she's never like this is awesome she's like this sucks right now yeah let's fucking do it anyways you can hate something and still do it and i'm like that's dude that's the person i like yeah just be honest with me this sucks now let's go there's so many platitudes there's just platitudes everywhere and it never connects it's just so disingenuous you're like listen, working out is hard.

Losing weight is hard.

Getting healthy is fucking hard.

There's no easy way about it, but it's the consistency and then it's committing to yourself.

And then it changes your brain chemistry because you're staying committed to a new habit.

And the habit means that you're empowering yourself.

So if that's the cost of having a better life, I think it's worth it.

I think it makes you a better person.

But it's not easy.

It is the whole thing.

I mean, what I've learned personally is that it's just really about committing to things.

Like it's because a lot of people and myself included have done, you have times in your life where you're like, oh yeah, I ate well Monday and I worked out Wednesday and then on Saturday, you're like, how come I'm not like happy with my fitness progress?

It's like, you did like two things this week.

You know what I mean?

Like it's really about every day.

Yeah, it's moving something every day.

Yeah.

And it doesn't always, I think the other thing too is like, you know, there's a great, there's a great analogy about like athletes and how a third of the time you're hitting it.

You're doing everything peak.

You feel fantastic.

Another third of the time, you just feel blah, mediocre, whatever, a day was a day.

And the final third, you feel like shit.

You think you're not making progress.

You're negative in your head, all of that.

Two-thirds of the time, you're feeling neutral to shit.

Like, I think a lot of people think you're supposed to feel great about it every single day, but really the discipline comes from the fact you're only getting that a third of the time.

So the more that you can focus on celebrating that one-third and understanding that that's not the expectation to have daily, it takes the pressure off of having having to have a PR day every single day.

That's just not realistic.

Not realistic.

No.

And I imagine you're on top of diet too, right?

Like you're probably a very clean eater.

Pretty much, yeah.

Like I'm aware of what I'm putting in my body.

I love cooking.

I do actually, I put a lot of recipes on my Instagram and I've started putting them in the newsletter that I have, which is sick.

But I love, I grew up with an Italian mom and I love my cheese and I love my pasta.

But if I can make it a little healthier, I will.

So I'll put a bunch of cool recipes up there and just find other ways to sub things out.

Because look, there's a lot of crap in the food, particularly in America.

And you have to be thoughtful of where you get the ingredients.

Where's it coming from?

Where's the cow from?

Is he grass-fed?

You know, I eat everything, but just thoughtful.

We live in a country that doesn't prioritize food health, food awareness, food nutrition.

Like people don't know shit about.

And it's like, we don't teach it.

You have to actually be curious yourself to figure it out.

And if you rely on just what is out there without any, you're just eating garbage.

Yeah.

And it's so many chemicals.

But see, I didn't believe in this because I'd always be like, this is some fucking conspiracy bullshit.

Get out of here.

I just saw my oncologist two days ago and she goes, Christina, breast cancer is not one in eight women.

It's going towards one in six women

because of environmental factors, plastics and everything, the GMOs and the food.

And I was like, you got to be kidding me that now the cancer doctor is telling me this stuff.

And she's like, and I go, what do I do?

And she goes, go shop at farmers markets.

Okay.

So make sure like you know where your food is coming from.

You know, and you can do that here in Texas.

There's a lot of farms and there's programs.

You can, we sign up now for this box of fresh veggies and meat that gets delivered from the local farms.

Yes, and it supports the local farmers

who are doing the progress and actually farming in sustainable, more functional ways.

Like it's not just churnt and burn when it comes, you know, and you look at the difference.

And there's like a really interesting thing where it shows beef cuts that are like grass-fed or pasture or whatever, and then farmed beef.

And you can just see in the musculature of the beef itself, you're like, that just doesn't look right.

The color doesn't look right.

Don't like, I don't know if you've ever like, does this look right to you?

Beautiful and nice by the show.

I'm going to add this mint here.

Wait, what's on top?

So that's a lamb shank

on top of strawberries.

I want you to book me now.

You've never seen this before.

No, I have not seen that before.

What's the orange part?

Is that a mushroom?

I got honey ranch.

Honey ranch.

Honey ranch.

Got go.

Ha nice.

You drizzle everything with honey ranch, right?

You know what?

I make a healthier version of it, so I find a way to do it.

I'm sure you do.

I mean, that's a six-star chef, you know.

Six-star.

Six-star.

I just, I love the gimmick of putting it in like a martini glass or a wine glass.

He created that himself.

He invented that.

Do you wash your chicken?

I gotta wash my chicken.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

You don't do that?

Hold on.

Is he going to get it in like every little orifice with the toothbrush?

He's doing it on the back side of the brush, which is interesting.

Why is he using the back?

It's just a choice.

Creative choice.

Maybe he's afraid of the plastic from the brush getting into the chicken skin.

You know what?

Never thought that.

Nailed it.

Anti-plastic.

Wash the chicken.

Bless him.

You like chicken?

I do love chicken.

Not like that.

I would not eat that damn chicken.

Oh, you're missing out.

You're missing out.

That's our favorite.

Show me another.

Do you like burgers?

In a Teflon payon.

Really great.

By the way, yeah, no Teflon.

Stainless steel.

Oh!

Look at this burger.

What should I cook in ceramic?

Stainless steel.

Stainless steel.

I'll send you Rex.

Look at this burger.

Look at this.

What is that?

It's his burger.

It's his burger.

Is he going to smash it?

No, babe.

Looks like a burger.

Do you like the metal raw?

Yummy.

Do you ever indulge in treats like mac and cheese?

I did last night, actually.

Oh, my God.

Cilantro.

Okay, is it?

I have the soap jeans, so I can't have cilantro.

Oh, I've heard about that central.

Otherwise, yeah, we could ask

you about the cilantro.

Yeah, no, I think that was a good idea.

Well, this looks like pretty authentic Italian.

You may want to show your mom this.

Yeah, show your mom?

This is when Italians look at a video and just like curse and throw their phone.

Of course.

I think quite a few would be a little bit more.

I'm going to ask you fresh lemonade.

That's a beautiful stir-fry.

I'm going to ask you.

Fresh lemon.

That's nice.

That's tasteful.

That's delightful.

That's mouth water.

That's mouth brushing.

That's tandemizing.

I would love it in a giant oversized martini glass.

Oh, wow.

You know, the ones where they put like the towers of shrimp or like, you know, the dessert,

the cheesecakes and stuff?

Yeah, he does all kinds of cool stuff.

I am.

Sounds fancy.

Also.

People always act in the chef.

Oh, wow.

What's my favorite meal?

I love his outfit, though.

I really do.

I really do.

Peanut butter and jelly.

Peanut butter jelly.

You know, that's true.

It's a classic.

I put bananas on it, too.

Also, the choice to have thick

bananas on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

We've got to make.

So, you know, they talk about in cooking, like, the perfect bite.

Yeah.

I think that's a fascinating.

I'd be curious how perfect that bite is.

Just the mushy textures just really get me going.

Just I would do just a peanut butter with a banana.

I feel like maybe it's too sweet with the jelly.

I don't know.

Wasn't that Elvis' favorite?

Is it the chemical jelly or is it like

it's organic, farm-grown

now?

You are a,

I would say you're a

fitness influencer, right?

Is that fair to say?

Yeah, but

and we have a a we've had a few on the show.

One, his name is Will Will in this episode of What Does the Wild Naked Man Drink?

You know him?

I'm gonna fill this beautiful basin jar with my beautiful orin,

which is medicinal.

Keep watching.

Don't you look away, Kendall.

Don't you look away.

Watching.

I'm looking.

I'm looking.

I'm committed.

He's really sweet.

Look at his skin.

Doesn't he have beautiful skin?

He really does.

He's got a wonderful fear.

When I drink my own piss,

I get this enhanced benefit of self-approval and self-acceptance.

Nice.

And really, that's all.

We do.

We do.

Self-love is the only love.

His platitudes are accurate.

However,

it's true.

Self-love is truly the only love.

He runs marathons.

He's in good shape.

I will say it's got to be convenient, though.

And then, look.

Everything that's bad for us, like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body, is made to seem good.

And everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad.

We live in an inverted clown world.

So try it for yourself and be your own guru and do what feels good.

Do what feels good.

And guess what?

He emailed us again.

He was on the show.

And

he wrote in, hey, brother.

Oh, I love that.

Thought you might enjoy my new cock meditation.

This will help men grow their penises and their balls produce more sperm.

With Tom injecting his testosterone, because I inject, I thought he might enjoy this the natural way.

Love W.

That's Will.

And here is his meditation song.

I am a sexy man.

I am a sexy man.

You have to repeat it.

I love how when I walk into a room,

my potency is felt

and seen.

That's good.

I am so sexy

that the energy moving through my body right now

is so powerful.

So powerful.

I love myself.

I love myself.

I appreciate myself.

It's working.

Affirmation.

My body

is a testosterone factor.

Look how he stood upright.

It's working.

I am incredibly healthy.

I am

incredibly powerful.

I'm incredibly powerful.

How long is this?

25 minutes?

I have unlimited energy.

I would love to see the before and after of.

My confidence is magnetic.

Let me tell you, Will came in here.

He wanted to come on nude, but he did concede to wearing underwear.

Let's say a sock at least.

On the...

A little cock sock.

No.

No.

But

I mean, a little more cover.

It was a cheeks as well.

It was underwear.

Yeah, it was little tidy-whiteys.

Also insisted on

long hugs in his state.

Hopefully, nothing,

everything was nice and flaccid.

Yeah, for me.

It was growing.

And for you.

For any.

He really liked any.

Yeah.

And he walked right past him.

Wouldn't hug him.

No hugs.

No hugs for anyone.

No hugs.

Yeah, you were like, nah.

Not today.

Not today, Paul.

But he does look really good in person, and he's in excellent physical shape.

And he's very bright.

His hair is impressive.

His skin looks great.

I'm so curious about the urine.

Have you tried it?

No, I can't say I have.

I don't think I will.

I'm assuming he probably doesn't consume asparagus, though, because I feel like that would be a really difficult.

Look how clear he is.

He's a lot of male.

I know.

He's very well hydrated.

They'll buy all the supplements, very expensive supplements, yet they never have seen their bros naked.

They've never worked out naked.

They've never played naked Ultimate Frisbee.

They've never done naked wrestling.

And

there's a reason why testosterone and sperm counts are at an all-time low.

It's because men are not getting that vitamin that Robert Bly, who wrote Way of

Iron John, said is an invisible food that gets transfused between men through the ethers when they get naked and do, for example, ball cupping or ball tapping rituals where you tap your bestest bros balls and look at his beautiful mushroom head and send good energy into it.

excuse me your bestest bros

can he make a i want a clothing line that says cup your bestest bros balls on the shirt i think you gosh that would be amazing i think i don't think it's on brand for me but i really think he could make a mint doing your listen to you

live workshops we do a beautiful cock exercise and this is actually inspired by a guy named darius peshar

why is he throw stick?

Basically,

he does these workshops called penis wellness.

So, it's all about your relationship with your cock and like really learning to love your penis.

Because if you love your penis, your self-esteem builds up, I find.

Yeah, so what do you do?

You just stand in a circle with the other guy.

It makes me uncomfortable.

I'm so uncomfortable for them.

It's making me Peter Gazen.

I am, wow.

Are they gonna?

Oh, they wanna see more?

I want to see more.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

That's why Annie walked away.

Yeah, it could have been you, Annie.

I know.

Just hogging.

Hugs, caught gazing.

They went swimming.

Yeah, this is, wow.

What?

That's so gay.

Yeah.

You guys are just afraid of how much testosterone naturally you can create by being with your bros and caught gazing.

Why are you so afraid?

Cupping each other's mouth.

Yeah, I'm just not mad enough.

Yeah, I guess that's what it is.

Open your heart.

Well, anyway, this is also just to fill your mind.

All right?

You okay?

Are you well?

Yeah, with ideas for what you could do with your platforms.

Oh, not women, because Will doesn't do women things at all.

Actually, he doesn't do women either.

Maybe I should, yeah.

Well, I kind of got that vibe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think I'd be his type.

If you have any menstrual blood workshops, I would like to make a mandala with my menstrual blood, maybe paint it.

Paint it, yeah.

Give it up as an offering.

You know, I did notice that.

Some of my classes, I think, would be a huge, huge hit.

Huge for you.

It's so funny you mentioned that.

You haven't suggested it.

Yeah, I think you should, Kendall.

You're like, yeah, Kendall, like, build a platform, put it on OnlyFans.

Like, just like cycle in the nude.

There was once I did wear,

unfortunately, I wore a skin-toned, it was a Peloton apparel set, and I wore it.

shadow boxing and then I had a black with the mic belt and I looked and I noticed I'm I'm like, oh, God.

I look naked.

Yeah, I'm like, I literally look naked.

Kendall, if you start teaching your classes topless, you would be the greatest fitness instructor that ever lived.

We get the worst.

Listen to Christina.

The most, the richest.

You charge a premium for just topless.

You don't have to show your meow or your feet.

Wow.

Should we go?

Look at Zolo.

He loves the idea.

He's smiling.

Listen, by far, I have so many male friends that adore you and would pay a premium to just see you do it topless.

Oh, by the way.

Let's see how I go.

We could call it Fit Tits.

Fit Tits.

Fit Tits?

Fittity.

I mean, there you go.

And Fit Tity.

And all the women behind you, their tits are showing, too.

And you have all the different sizes of sloppers.

Yeah.

And then do we cup each other's tits?

Of course you cup each other's tits.

And then we partner with Will and we build it up.

That's what I'm saying.

You want to sell it.

We're talking about your class filling up in two minutes.

Fit tits will sell out way faster.

Real fast.

Guys, there we go that's that's my plan as a everybody wanted a person and you're teaching on it on the platform

fit tits i would do you know we sometimes uh show marginalized communities people like like this guy i'm really sick and tired of being alone in council washington well hold on hold on somebody needs to come visit me i'm tired of losing money okay so he's just what did he say he's just putting a plea out there for someone to come visit him oh bless his heart i know bless his little heart but it's kind of i want to know did you get some perhaps

unwanted messages

as a teacher, as an instructor?

Did you get

some creepy messages?

Oh, oh, God.

You know, I will say, I have probably,

let's just call it, I had a sea of cocks in my DMs.

Really?

Sea of them.

It was like little, I would always make a joke too.

I was like, oh, God, like, because finally Instagram got to the point, I kept reaching out to them.

I'm like, can I, I want to look at DMs from people who sometimes they say very nice messages about, you know, how class has helped transform their life or like a personal story.

So literally, talk about like dissonance, cognitive dissonance.

I'm like tearing up at like, wow, you know,

you got me through my father's passing.

And then it's like, dick, and then it's like, thank you, dick.

Like, it's just like, it was constant.

Yeah, there was a lot of them.

It's like your mom's house.

Oh,

I hate that.

Looking for a white lady that's tattooed

and dominant and be willing to put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me.

Call me.

I'm the sissy of Fremont Street.

Wow.

You know, there's guys out there like that.

I, yeah, I feel like some of them have tried to contact you.

Kendall, you're not married yet.

I'm not married yet, no.

You know what?

Still out there.

We can, Alex, you got competition, honey.

The sissy of Fremont Street is just calling my name.

Right?

God.

My name is Jenela Lyu Shipman.

I'm looking for girls for pussy.

I'd love to eat pussy.

At least he knows what he wants and he's very clear in communication.

I will give him...

Or text me

at 1637.

Wait, he has two different numbers for the moment.

Most of the cool guys do.

Yes.

But tell me.

He has two phones, one for the bitches and one for the hoes.

Oh, snap, dude.

Remember that guy we played earlier today, the first clip?

Yeah.

The angry horny.

Oh, yeah.

So the deal is, though, so

there's different shades of horny on the show that we can deal with.

Yeah.

This, to me, repulses me.

Now, hold on.

Let me finish my thoughts.

Sure, go ahead.

Because I sense the desperation.

I'm looking for girls.

But DM me, here's five phone numbers.

Here's my Snapchat.

And he talks like this.

Okay, but watch this next generation.

He also has respiratory issues.

Sometimes.

You should be eating pussy.

What the?

Will you be able to breathe, sir?

We're going to have to take breaks, but I'll get you there.

It kind of sounds like Clint Eastwoody at the same time.

Food in between.

It's so hot time.

When I'm done eating you, we'll eat together.

But yeah, so what's interesting is most of the time I play these fucking awesome finds, and she reacts with total repulsion.

Just contempt for me.

Well, because I sense their debt, this is desperate.

It's unattractive.

Yeah, it's not going to happen for him.

No.

Hold on.

But then she had a totally different reaction.

But see if you feel something different.

Be honest and be open, Kendall.

I want to.

I'll be honest.

Listen.

Listen with your heart.

Are you ready?

With your emotions.

Okay.

I'm just going to sit back.

None of us are going to say anything.

We're all just going to look at you.

Are you a bitch

that loves seeing a nigga

check his dick off

when I'm exhausted

and tired from doing the act?

Will you love the finale?

Me of

busting my con in your mouth?

Wow.

It was,

wow.

It was a performance.

It was.

You know, I would say

put a beat behind it, and it kind of sounds like a sexy red song.

Like,

it kind of does.

Okay.

And

here's the thing.

Do you have the same repulsion to him and his energy as the two previous guys?

I think there's a confidence that he has.

There's a confidence that he has.

I'm still repulsed.

It's like, whoa.

But I will give the man credit that he really stood on business with what he was saying.

Like, he was like,

I'm just what he likes and what it is.

And you're like, it seems like

it's contained rage is what it seems like.

He's like, he's like, really focused.

It's the eyes.

And then I was expecting her to do the usual.

And she goes, yeah, I'd watch.

I'd rather do that.

A video, not in live.

No.

Because I'm afraid of him and his intensity, but I'd watch him masturbate.

Yeah, I would.

It would be okay.

It's not the end of the world.

Yeah, I don't think, I mean, I don't enjoy watching

any or D's, random truck drivers jack off.

Yeah, no, no, no.

You know, but I wouldn't.

I had an unfortunate experience in Los Angeles where a homeless man literally did.

I'm like, I could go my whole life never seen that.

Every woman has this lovely experience in

the concerns.

But I wouldn't watch the sissy of Fremont do it.

And I wouldn't watch the.

I'm looking for girls for pussy.

because, right?

There's something like the new version of looking for a man in finance.

I'm looking for girls.

The pussy.

5'4.

120.

My name is Matthew Pearson from Electro Impy, 3240, Tokoro, New Zealand.

I'm looking for people of donating

baking biscuits, cakes, slices that are gluten-free

and non-gluten-free.

For me, the most important thing.

He accepts all intolerances, guys.

We can't afford to buy a biscuit.

I'm sweating.

I hate it.

And home-baked biscuits.

You don't like this guy now?

Because,

remember, we were talking about that Barbie earlier?

Yes.

Is he on that?

Oh, for crying out loud.

Is he going to be a Ken?

Right?

He's not of sound.

He's not.

He's not missing chromosome, right?

No.

I don't.

Is he special?

Is he touched?

Do you know what?

Let's switch this up.

Okay.

I got something else for you.

Totally different.

Okay.

First of all, this is very funny.

Okay.

This message is to Cody Silker.

And if you're not him, just keep on strolling.

I challenge you.

Yes.

You, Cody.

I love the mullet.

I'm fucking Cody.

To a mullet shake-off.

I'll start it.

Oh, oh,

right?

Hell yeah, dude.

Wow.

It is.

duet.

I am into this content.

I need to see the...

The duet?

We don't have the reply.

Did Cody not reply?

I don't know.

What the hell, Cody?

Guys?

I don't think Cody has replied.

Wow,

the ball's on Cody.

Cody was owned.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

Dude, you can't.

That was a really good melee.

And

movement.

This is specific.

So it was like a layered one, too.

Yeah, dog.

Yeah, the bounce to it.

Yeah.

And obviously,

I think if you put a mullet on me today, I would just be like, nah, dude.

And then

you don't know how to do it.

How long has it been?

Since I've shaved it?

I mean, I have a full what, Kendall.

No, no, I have a full head of hair.

I just do this because I like it.

It's an aesthetic choice.

Yeah, I just think it looks better.

Hair is so fucking gay.

Oh, sorry.

Do you want me to put mine back for you?

It's been years.

No, plus.

No, you wear it well.

You wear it well.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's been years.

I don't even remember.

Okay.

This,

first of all, don't fucking

act like you miss hair.

I don't, you know what?

I never, it wasn't one of my things with dudes.

Like when I was dating, I never even noticed if a man was bald.

I really didn't.

I don't care.

I'll say that.

Teeth are more important than hair.

Oh, God, yes.

Teeth are a big thing.

You figure, I've thought, you figure out what bothers you by what you put in.

And I've been offered free hair restoration surgeries by companies.

They're like, we'll do it for free.

And I'm like, nah, I don't care.

You're ruining the vibe.

It's just not, yeah.

I don't care enough.

And I think, yeah.

Listen, you guys.

You're in a good crew.

If they're like, we'll give you a free body restoration and make you have the body you want.

I'd be like, okay, I'll say.

You're like, let's go.

M-sculpt me now.

Yeah.

No, I mean, look, bald, like, a bald guy is a strong energy.

You have Mr.

Willis.

It's very masculine.

You have Mr.

Clean.

You have Will Blunderfeld.

Right.

Yeah.

The piss drinker.

Piss guy.

Yep.

Yep.

And he is, I think if you're bald, maybe it's more of a, more of a struggle if you're bald and you can't grow facial hair.

That's true.

That, yeah.

I wonder if I'll say this.

I'm very, very sick when I shave my face.

Like, like, sickly?

It's very sad.

Yeah.

You're like, oh, this guy's like, are you okay?

He's in hospice care.

Yeah.

Look, it's like, it's not.

And I'm going to be doing it soon.

I can't wait.

I haven't seen your face enough.

I have to shave it.

How long has it been?

Yeah.

I knew, I have a family friend.

He never shaved his mustache.

And then for his 50th birthday or 60th birthday, they did.

And it was a lot of fun.

It was a costing.

It's so funny how for certain men, that facial hair is everything.

You need to have that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know if you've seen this, but I've been so excited to show you this.

This is a real interaction abroad.

Just see how

this plays out.

This is my wife.

Wife?

Yes, sir.

Not suitable.

What's that?

I think that's

so healthy.

So nice.

So healthy.

What do you mean?

She's less healthy than you.

Oh no,

less healthy.

Yes, less, not too, less.

Oh, okay.

What do you mean?

Healthy means uh what looks

she she will be disappointed.

Why will she be disappointed?

Healthy means fat.

Oh, too fat.

Oh god.

Oh,

I love it.

You're here.

Oh, nice.

This is not good fashion hospitality.

Yes, that's a good idea.

Great hospitality.

I don't think so.

What do you say?

I don't think so.

Why?

Because you can't say this.

This is not nice.

No, no, it is

general talk, not so.

No, this is rude.

So he's just on a train, and this guy's like, this is your wife?

It's a big broad for you.

He's like, you don't match.

Damn.

But in every other country, they actively fat shame people if you're overweight.

Remember the Koreans?

You know what the Koreans do?

Oh,

I'm thinking about this.

At the park,

they have this,

it's like an arch, right?

And there are slots.

Oh, like that.

And it has, yeah, it has writing.

And it's like, if you can fit through this, you're healthy.

And if you can fit through, if you, if it's this size, you're not healthy.

And then, and then like, if you have like a 36-inch waist, they're like, you're a pig.

And, like,

it's very public shaming.

Yes, public shaming.

Yeah.

Wow.

I'm all for it, Kendall.

I don't know.

Because

when I visit my relatives in Hungary or whatever, they'll be like, no, you're too fat.

This is not good.

They just tell you straight out.

Yeah.

And then Italians are the same way, too.

Yeah.

I think it's very interesting in America.

We're the only ones that really are.

We're like, yeah.

Wow.

Oh, man.

I guess like

height doesn't really contribute.

No, they they don't really care.

They're just like, stay the same width.

You can get taller.

You just can't get white.

There are no different body types here.

Just be like this.

Just be this, period.

No, but it is true.

Half my family is from Peru, and they're like, you get off the plane, they're like, hello, fat ass.

They are super direct.

I would have not guessed Peru.

Yeah, my mom's Peruvian.

What's your dad?

American.

Okay.

Yeah.

I was like,

yeah.

I knew from, wow.

Because he doesn't look look all.

Well, you just don't, don't look Latin at all.

Yeah, I know.

I would have guessed Irish.

I do have a lot of Irish.

He's super crackery.

By the way, you're so white, Tom.

I'm like, what?

And this is his festive outfit.

He said this is his good mood outfit today.

I like it.

I like it.

Do you like the colors he chose?

Your white shirt for the white guy.

Do you like this fucking vampire look?

I actually loved it.

I complimented her on the way in.

Yeah, I mean, we got the memo.

Yeah, yeah.

We got the memo.

I'm wearing like so much.

Oh, you look so so good.

Oh my God, I love your outfit.

This is the Eddie Monster.

I love the way you did your hair.

This is the fucking coolest jacket.

It's badass.

You're so jealous.

So jealous.

I was like, I was a little emo kid, and I love all the weirds.

I love Tim Burton, all that stuff.

You look like you know where to get heroin.

That's what you look like.

Good.

I wish.

From Dracula.

Yeah.

Tim Burton.

That's so, that's such.

I had this thought last night.

I was laying in bed.

The waiting room, so I have to go to radiation after this, so I'm like a little nervous, but the waiting rooms are so depressing because they're always like beige and there's always old people old guys with their bruised legs and their dry skin lots of moaning lots of moaning

there's always grunts and I'm like the always the youngest one there and I hate it and I was thinking today how much better it would be if Tim Burton designed the waiting room like you know how in Beetlejuice with all with like the weird like skinny like tiny little shrunken heads and the stripes black and white stripes and like yeah I'm with you I love I would always love Tim Burton I would be as bad pay for a themed radiation.

Yeah.

Like, you already feel like that anyway.

You might as well just commit to the to the to the bit.

It's depressing.

That's it.

Yeah, that's what it feels like to go get radiation on your tits.

You're just sitting there on deaths waiting for me.

Christina has radiation from her

for cancer treatment.

I just got even a more serious thing.

I had my Invisalign taken off.

And I got to tell you, it's a bitch.

I'm not going to lie.

I had an.

Okay, we're not comparing radiation at all.

Yeah, we should.

But you would.

Go go ahead.

I cannot.

It's terrible.

I cannot relate to radiation.

I'm not going to say I wish I could.

I hope I don't have to one day, but I do have family that's been through it.

You had a menstrual

Tom, I feel like an asshole right now.

No, no, no, but have you had a misline?

God, Christina, I'm so sorry.

Yes, I have.

It's worse than cancer.

It's worse than cancer.

It is.

It is.

It is.

We definitely

painful.

It's very painful.

But you haven't had a menstrual pain.

So I don't know about that.

Or given birth.

I haven't done that yet, either.

God.

Epidural.

I'll put.

Yeah, but I still felt it.

It's not weak.

It's not weak.

Give me the

fucking needle

is where I'm at.

But no, Invisaligner, because the sick part is they ache for so long, and then when they take them off, and then it feels like they spring back.

Oh, my God.

There's scraping and suction, and you feel the nerves shooting up in your mouth, and you're like, fucking give me chemo.

This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life.

These cry baby pussies, okay?

Yeah, you have no idea.

You can never talk until you get Invisaligner.

Oh, wait, so you're Hungarian.

You know what, Kendall?

She is.

I go back to the camera.

I know.

No, no, go.

I know.

I know.

I deserved it.

You know what?

I deserve it.

You're trouble.

I was tagged in that so many times.

Rouble.

You're trouble.

Yeah.

I know.

I kind of am.

No, you're amazing.

We love you.

We're so proud.

I'm good for you.

Do you want to show her anything?

You want to show her these?

No.

Oh, my TikTok.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I do have to go because I got to go.

Okay.

So I don't know if you know my TikTok curations.

I do like to showcase marginalized communities that don't have a voice.

I give them a voice on TikTok.

That's

house is one thing.

Okay.

Let's see.

Okay, here we go.

Hey, Angel.

There you go.

Actually, we pulled that from Kendall from Kendall's DMs.

It looked familiar, guys.

Did I submit that one?

So I don't know how that makes you feel, but this is going to be a roller coaster ride.

Okay.

Okay, I'm ready.

Matthew and I don't drink, but we do drink when it's all inclusive.

This is our first drink of the night.

Oh, no, I love these.

Poke with Malibu.

Good suggestion.

This is our second drink of the day.

Piña Coladas.

I really don't drink that much at all anymore.

I did a little sober bed for a while.

Yeah.

It was good for my mental.

Of course she doesn't.

Because she looks.

No, but I occasionally love a spicy mark.

I love a glass of wine.

We don't drink, but we do when it's all inclusive, which is actually the worst time to drink because they're putting the cheapest.

And it's all sugar.

I'm like, no, no, no.

Drink when you're at like when you're in your headache booth.

Yeah, no, no, no.

They're going to be spinning before they even get out of the pool.

And dehydration.

I know.

Just cooked on the beach.

We're having the candy corn sauce syrup somewhere.

The sweet corn sauce syrup.

With butterstock, shell, and candy corn.

I even gone way to this bunny resort, but we picked up this beautiful chocolate pink cookie a baby gift.

Pro tip, because it's a merchandise location, you get your pass-order discount on any snacks or cookies that you can get.

Just so you know, you're reacting completely the way you're supposed to.

I will tell you, she reminds me.

I love that they're spooky people because I vibe with that, so that's cool.

Like, I'm like, okay, sort of brethren, but she reminds me of Squeaky From,

you know?

I love True Crime, and I read Helter Skelter in the same season.

Oh, my God, it literally changed

my brain chemistry.

Did you watch the Lacey Peterson doc?

Oh, my God, yes.

He's such an asshole.

He's such an asshole.

He's such an arrogant.

What about the sister being like, yeah, you know, we're trying to get him out.

Here's my theory.

I think she wants to fuck him.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Really?

Well, it's his sister-in-law.

Oh,

of course.

She's in love with him.

Yeah.

It's that weird behind bars charismatic.

He's a total narcissist.

He's a total sociopath.

He's attractive, unfortunately.

That's why.

Well, that's how they can do it.

That's how the serial colours do it.

So was, what's his face?

Bundy.

So cute.

I know.

Yeah, but

that you're watching, because you know, we all remember this story, like sort of hazily.

You're like, oh, I remember that story.

And then you're watching it and you get to see interrogation footage.

And it's the day, it's the day that it's Christmas Eve, and he's reported her missing.

And he's like, Yeah, I went on.

He took the boat out.

He goes and went fishing.

But I bought one today.

He's like, I hope you guys, you know, I hope we find her.

And they're like, all right.

So he's like, yeah.

That would be Tom's confession.

No way.

Hey, Christina's missing.

No way.

I would not tell you.

Tom, your wife is missing

what

what

my wife

oh my wife

very borad that's better that's better and then you look up and you go

and then you text your side check yeah

god it is wild

dude it's not here's the good thing though is you you would haunt his ass so bad Would I though, Kendall?

Would I?

I just move on.

In the afterlife?

You'd be like, there's hotter men in the afterlife.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly.

I've always wondered, I'm like, if you get murdered and it's a terrible way to go, like, if you get to the other side, whatever's over there, is it like, listen, you came out.

I'm sorry how it ended for you.

She's ready for the girl.

Here's your pick of the litter.

She's ready for the afterlife guy today.

So don't even fucking go.

She's ready for Patrick Swayze and ghosts.

Who's we all?

Oh, God.

She's fantasizing.

He is on the other side.

Oh, Oh for sure.

Patrick Swayze.

God.

We dance together the dirty dancing.

Nobody puts baby in a corner.

Nobody puts Christina in a corner.

In a ditch.

Oh, I got it.

Let's talk about this.

You got it.

Just say it.

Who is it?

No.

Say it.

It's on the tip of your tongue.

I like weirdos.

Dark.

Yeah.

Dark weirdos.

I feel like you'd go for like

I had a massive crush on Jim Morrison.

I was a weird guy.

Yeah, I like that kind of.

I like that.

She's on my vibe.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Young.

But do you get to be young in the afterlife?

I don't want to be aged the age I am.

I've like

when you die, do you die at like, do you go to the afterlife?

I, in, in the age that you were.

That's, I hope not.

Yeah.

I would choose 28, which I think you're

20, 20.

Perfect.

28 is a good one.

I'm past that now.

Leonardo DiCaprio will no longer date me.

No.

I don't want that.

Oh, my God.

I know I should be put to pasture.

She's an old hag.

Gross.

Okay, I got it.

That's right.

You got to go to the back.

We got to finish up.

Oh,

no, no.

Okay, I don't understand what's turning you off about this.

This guy licked his fingers.

I can't.

I'm right, buddy.

You are not chanting Tatum.

Okay.

Like, he was trying to give match Mike Vibes.

I'd rather cut both my tits off again than also the 2005 sunglasses are getting me.

I can't.

It's rough.

We are at the airport, and check this out.

I have this amazing buckwheat buckwheat salad that I just made.

What we got.

Look at this.

I have my buckwheat salad on the go.

A bunch of sprouts.

At the airport.

A buckwheat.

In a plastic bag.

The plastic bag is what's throwing me with the latex gloves.

And she has latex gloves as she travels.

I'm going to throw her.

I would call TSA.

Be like, you need to fucking arrest this person.

But how did she get that through?

That's more than three ounces of dressing for your traveling.

That's some bullshit.

You're healthy traveling.

Where are we at?

We are in Miami Airport.

That's why.

Yeah.

That is great.

Yeah.

I'm happier with people walking by.

Is that a Buckley salad?

Like,

what is it?

In a world ounce.

That is six ounces.

Oh, no.

That did not.

I'm going to use my hands to

this up.

The way she's like putting her

on it.

It's amazing.

I think she might be in my.

Lisa's.

She is.

Hi, sweetie.

that was a great tag

hi sweetie

just to everybody

strong black coffee best drink of the day there she is best drink of the day

she talked one of your classes one of your topless classes

i think i should hire her should i should i send her a recruiting message absolutely can i tell you are you ready to be fit

Wait, what?

I don't want no coffee pussy.

I don't want no cigarette pussy.

Oh, this is definitely New York.

Why does he have to hold his foot up?

I don't know why he has to put it in the middle.

I think he's trying to get you to imagine that he's like representing what he wants to see, which is a woman like that.

I guess he's manifesting in that respect.

And we salute you, sir, and all

of the firefighters and FBA.

I'm sure they're proud to have you as the spokesman.

Again, I think it could be a sexy red song.

It could be.

Watermelon Pussy is really catchy.

Yeah, you're right.

Her chapsticks.

She has one that's called Booty Hole Brown.

That's really nice.

Yeah.

It's lovely.

I do have to go.

Kendall Tool, thank you for coming.

Follow her at Kendall Tool.

Check out the Wholeheartedly with Kendall and Gailey podcast.

Thanks so much for coming in today.

We have a blast.

See you guys next week.

That made you feel bad.

Yep.

Not the fucking.

That's my pee-hole.

That's where the spit comes out of Mark.

Nope.

That doesn't freak you out.

Wow.

You just watched your mom's house.

Did you like it?

Then watch another one.

Watch our clips.

I don't know.

Check it out.

Try it out.

If you didn't like it, look for other stuff.

Maybe in the next video, there's people getting hurt the way you like, or maybe gay dudes talking about dick stuff.

I don't know.

Try it out.

Maybe there's always something for everybody.

Just look in these cubes, squares, whatever.