The Most Anticipated Meal Ever w/ Fancy Chef | Your Mom's House Ep. 780

Well, welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House.

A quick reminder that coming up here in just over a week, I will be in San Diego and Phoenix as part of my tour.

We also announced the 2025 dates.

If you have not gotten tickets yet, we've added a bunch of cities, but I'll be in New York, I'll be in Chicago, I'll be in Austin and Boston.

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And so many more.

So go to tomsgirl.com slash tour for tickets.

And I thank you and I will see you there.

Gene, how are you today?

I'm good.

I came from, I'm doing radiology.

Just for fun?

Just for kicks, radiation.

Yeah.

And it's not as awful as I thought, even though I should be telling you it's way worse than it is so that I get more sympathy and stuff.

I'll tell you about Invisalign in a second, but go ahead.

Go ahead.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you.

So this morning I went before we record and the radiation waiting room is lit because it's mostly older people who are like, I don't know, this could be my last.

So many moans.

It's so sad.

But today I saw a granny, like a legit granny with the curly hair.

You were sitting waiting to get called in to get your radiation.

Yeah.

And she was reading a pornographic novel.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

And she didn't even look up.

Like, usually, when I come in, she's in Boston.

And she was, it was so horny and awesome for her.

Yeah.

And I was like, did you get the title by chance?

I fuck, I forget forgetting everything these days, but it was, it was horny, and the cover was like hot.

That's hot.

And I was like, dude, no way.

And then as I was leaving the oncology center, I saw a woman roll in in a purple Camaro smoking a cigarette.

Wow.

That is so hard fucking core.

Hard fucking

to roll into the cancer building smoking a cig.

You got to give it up to the folks that beat it and then keep doing that shit.

But I kind of get it, Nick.

They're already, they are predisposed to cancer.

They've beaten, and then they're like, well, this is the stuff that'll fuel it up again.

So let's just do it again.

This is what I want.

That would be like me getting back on like hormones.

My tumor was hormonal.

It was fueled.

I mean, I know there was a lot of non-oncologists that weighed in on

their thoughts of what caused your cancer.

The internets?

So many people weighed in.

You know, the medical community explained to you that it was actually fueled by hormones.

Yeah, those.

That's true.

Yes, yes, yes.

That's not what it was.

That's not what it was.

You know what it was?

Gluten.

It was gluten.

It was aluminum and your deodorant.

I've been wearing deodorant for years.

Well, you can listen to the fucking doctors if you want, but

I would kind of read through some YouTube comments and figure out what was going on.

That's probably what it helped you out.

I've been drinking my urine steadily, and I think that's really what I think.

Well, that's definitely going to help.

Yeah.

Call Will, I'll tell you right now.

It has.

I was holding guys' cocks when I go out in public just to fight cancer myself.

I just hold his dick and I go, oh, I feel less cancerous right now.

You know, it's just whatever you're interested in.

You go with that.

The medical

industrial complex, don't believe the hype.

Don't believe it.

They're just trying to fill you.

They're trying to get you you to stay overnight.

They're trying to pump you full of medicine.

Don't fucking listen to that shit.

If you want to know what's going on with your body, you go on Instagram and you fucking post something and just read those comments.

You'll figure out.

You'll find some hippie in a forest to tell you how to beat this shit.

They'll tell you exactly how to beat this shit.

You know, there was this article.

Which model was it?

She was diagnosed with...

breast cancer as well.

Is it you look it up, my love?

It's an old white lady now.

An old white model.

Shit.

Anyway, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she opted

to go treat it naturally.

But if you, she wrote a book about it too, I believe.

Yes, Elle McPherson.

God.

She revealed she was diagnosed with breast cancer seven years ago,

nicknamed whatever, that's her name, the body.

So she.

Talk about a genetic anomaly.

Oh, she's stunning.

She's stunning.

And so she says, oh, I went and I went and I did meditations and I changed my diet.

But if you really listen to what she's saying, she's like, I went to like, it sounds like she went to a really fancy holistic center where, in addition to chemotherapy and radiation,

leaves out that part or what?

I don't know.

You can't just eat papaya to cure breast cancer.

I wonder if I drank herpie if I would fight cancer.

Oh, that's interesting.

You know?

I mean, she's El McPherson.

Is she your gold standard jack off when you were.

How old is how older is tom when he finds when i find el mcpherson i'm probably like

yeah right when your dick starts to get hard and you go like what's going on so like young teen 12 13 something like that stunning woman though truly beautiful when she was a

swimsuit issue yeah well it was fucking crazy

she was a part of a beautiful christy brinkly too you know what's crazy at that age at that age in your mind you're like if she could just meet me yeah

if i could just talk to her If I could just talk to her, I bet you she'd be like, I don't know what I'm doing with these fucking billionaires on their yachts.

That's so funny.

I want to date an eighth grader.

I used to think that about Robert Smith from The Cure.

Really?

Like, if he could just see me and see me.

If Elle could just

see me,

she'd get it.

He'd like fall in love with me.

I'm talking about that.

No, we definitely have different types.

Young Robert.

Okay.

There we go.

That guy.

Like, if he could just meet me at 16 and see how truly goth I was, and I somehow believe that if I could show him I was goth enough, then he would like me, you know?

He's very funny.

Every time I see a clip with him, it's very funny.

Yeah, he's like, oh my God, Robert Smith, are you excited to be inducted into the Music Hall of Fame?

And he goes, not as excited as you, apparently.

Yeah, that's very funny shit.

That's the best.

I definitely like that.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I wonder if he's fun.

I think he is.

I mean, he looks like he parties.

He didn't get that physique not having fun.

He didn't get up and and cold plunge today.

He sure didn't.

Nope.

You did.

That's right.

You did?

You did the plunge?

You know, it's a good way to wake up.

Good for you.

But did you sauna too?

I didn't.

You didn't really complete the cycle.

I didn't complete the cycle.

I did press super early.

I was super early, seven, you know.

That's terrible.

You have to be like ready for it.

So, yeah.

It was good.

How'd you get ready?

How'd you get ready?

The plunge?

Got cold.

Yeah.

Got cold.

It was funny because I was on a press call and they were like, and all your tickets are all sold out.

And I was like, That's not true, that's why I'm doing this right now with you.

And they were like, What?

And I go, There, this is a new show we're announcing.

I would like tickets to sell.

And they were like, Oh, okay.

I'm like, Yeah, do you think I was coming on here just to shoot the shit?

Like, I'm here to promote it.

Was it terrestrial radio, like old school?

Yeah, it was, but it was live, so it was like in during drive time, you know.

So it was on the

top,

tell us what can the audience expect to hear from your acts.

It's 6.45 in the morning now.

And your funny, funny routine.

What can they expect?

You hear your wife make each other laugh all day.

You're both comedians.

I'm like, all the time, 24-7.

I bet your house is just so you crack each other out.

It's a barrel of laughs.

You're going back and forth.

And how do you get any work to that?

I bet your kids are funny, too.

Yeah, yeah.

They are.

They're very funny.

Okie-dokie.

We haven't even done the opening clip.

We've had some fun.

You're not ready for the opening clip.

Uh-oh.

And neither is this audience.

Okay.

Because if you haven't been following this closely, this is the most excited I've been in a long time.

Yeah.

Doing this show.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Here we go.

Let's do it.

How Beyonce said it?

I'm going to Texas.

Beyonce came out with that country song.

I'm in Texas.

In a couple of days, you're going to see the chef in Texas.

I'm going to be doing some great things.

I'm going to be doing a podcast.

I'm going to be cooking on the set.

Any one of you got a podcast?

I'm not coming to talk.

I don't want to talk.

I'm coming to cook.

You can talk to me while I cook, while I shut it up.

I'm going to post a podcast for all you non-believers, all you ones that say, he don't cook.

I've been cooking for 40 years,

40 years, and I ain't gonna stop, baby.

You better watch me good, baby.

Big shout out to Joe Rogan.

Big shout out to Mr.

Seguda.

Can't say his name pronounced wrong.

I'm saying it wrong.

But anyway, I'm saying to every one of you, watch out, watch out, watch out.

The chef is coming.

You heard me.

This shit is big.

Wow.

Wow.

welcome to your mom's house

with Tom Segura Tom Sagura and Christina Maushit Speaker.

Welcome to your mom's house.

I'm gonna get back into drumming.

Are you?

I mean, this is it.

Nothing could be fancier.

This is the power of the internet.

You just got to know this guy.

And by the way, he shouted out to Rogan.

Should we send him over to Rogan's after this?

He loves to eat.

Joe loves to eat.

Yeah.

So, I mean, it would be a real treat.

I mean, I'm assuming it might be another $300,000.

So I'm not really sure if we're in a position to do that.

But maybe I could tell Joe, you know, you can afford it.

Could you imagine if we paid to have him cook at Joe Rogan's house?

Joe's like, what the fuck is this?

What the fuck did you send over to my house?

I'm like, fucking fanciest chef in the world.

What are you talking about?

Oh, my God.

He'd stop talking to me.

I'm so excited, though.

I know you aren't, but you know who isn't?

Is our very own Josh Zolo?

i i was watching your face when we were playing this and i could just see the look of stress and despair well for people that don't know josh has had the the uh privilege of working with fancy to get him here and from what you've said it hasn't been i mean also to be fair huge artists are notoriously sometimes difficult to work with

yep we've been talking for a few weeks and i mean you know we have a lot of great people come through here and you know, like you said, a lot of artists, they can be a little eccentric, a little hard to pin down.

They have their requests, but uh, yeah, he's definitely uh kind of

taken the record for most requests and just

given me the runaround a little bit.

But um what kind of requests?

I mean, uh, he's called multiple times about different chef jackets and hats that he needs and they they change every day what he wants.

He really wanted one that was embroidered with YMH from a specific company, and then he's like, Don't worry about the hat.

I'll bring the hat.

He just called me.

I think you guys heard.

He's like, I need hats.

You need a pack of hats for me.

You know, all

yeah, all everything.

He also requested

quite a bit of cooking equipment, right?

We have a whole kitchen's worth of everything he could possibly want.

We have the nicest plates and settings and everything.

He was real big on that.

I don't fuck with paper plates.

Did you go to home goods, though?

Wow.

You went to home goods.

Wow.

Now, the real question, I guess, next, and maybe this will be upon arrival, because we did discuss when we spoke to him last time that I was like, oh, what's on the menu?

He was like, fucking anything you want.

And I was like, Seavast.

And he was like, yeah, I don't really fuck with seafood.

And I was like, interesting.

But

what will actually be cooked is a thing.

He keeps saying New York strip.

New York Strip and red potatoes and seasonal fruit.

That's been the update I've gotten.

I'm excited for that.

Yeah.

But I'm wondering,

how will he fancy it up?

Will there be cups and will he cut up the steak, put it in the cup with some strawberries and ranch?

We don't know how he's going to mix all this up.

Hey, Picasso, how are you going to paint this green?

You're right.

You're right.

I mean, just give me a brush and a canvas and look at the end result.

You know what I mean?

I know.

That's kind of what you're doing there.

So he's been a little evasive.

A little bit.

Okay.

Yeah, it's been really hard to lock down any kind of logistics, like where we could pick him up at,

you know, arranging cars.

Yeah, we actually have a little bit of footage here from your call

that you've cut down into multiple clips for us.

This call was 20 minutes long, trying to just get one answer, which is where can we pick you up?

Okay, here we go.

This is.

Tomorrow?

What about?

Tomorrow noon?

Okay, he'll be

So right here he's talking to somebody else.

He's on a different call while he's on with me, scheduling a yacht party.

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Comes a new comedy series.

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I hope it's not too disruptive to have me shake everything up.

Don't be so self-defecating.

With major issues.

Oscar.

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Not again.

The paper.

Only on Peacock.

Streaming now.

Break it down and do it.

Or you send it to somebody else and break it down.

I've got a lot going on.

I've been in like five meetings already.

I'll make you another line on 12.

Uh, Salaman 12.

Are you able to pick me up?

At the Miami Yacht 11.

All right, Jeff.

I mean, don't hang up, Jeff.

I'm still here.

So one thing is for sure,

his phone does ring non-stop.

Yeah.

He's always on a phone call.

It also appears like he's blocked me on two of the three numbers.

What's that all about, you think?

I don't know.

I mean, it might be an accident.

I did notice that I jumped on one of his lives and the phone rang the entire fucking time.

Yeah.

The entire time.

Is he publishing this phone number on Instagram?

All the time.

Yeah.

Multiple numbers.

He gives up multiple numbers all the time.

Yeah.

He's like, book me, book me, book me.

Stop thinking, book me, book me, five, seven, oh, two, seven, and then he's like, seven, two, it's like, hey, it works.

It got us.

And he's obviously, he's going to meet somebody at the yacht club.

And then, um, well, here's more clips from your phone call with Fancy.

How about we forget the car service?

I just get there.

But I can't get an address.

I don't know where it is.

I signed an NBA.

And when I leave, you sign an NBA?

Yeah.

So this was, he was saying, don't send a car service to pick me up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because we really felt like we need somebody to be with him to ensure that he gets to the airport.

Don't know why, but go ahead.

And

he would not give us an address.

And then

he said he can't give us one because he's going to be on the move.

He's going from event to event.

And I'm like, oh, you're not going to be at home.

But then he also said he signed an MBA.

An MBA, which was why he couldn't give me the address of the event he was going to be at.

Yeah.

You don't know your home address?

I do.

I think.

I don't know, Josh.

I don't know if to sell you.

I don't.

I'm being honest.

I go from one place to the next place, one place to the next place, one place to the next place.

Come on.

Can you get a landmark?

I've got to have a give me a landmark.

I'll take a landmark.

A landmark to pick him up.

He doesn't have a home address.

He says I don't want to address it.

He definitely is at home.

He's always at home.

Right, but he doesn't want to give out where he he is

because of the NBAs, or he's moving around.

He also

didn't end up giving me a landmark either.

Oh, he didn't?

So, how did we send a car?

Where did we send the car?

We finally got an address which I could not confirm if it was his address or an address, but we sent a car somewhere.

But I talked to him this morning and he said he was on the train

to the airport.

To the airport.

So he bypassed our offer for a ride and he's on a train.

Well, I'm glad we paid for that.

Let me see what else we got.

Do you live in Miami?

I don't.

Could we put that down for now?

No.

Okay.

Wow.

And he really is an eccentric artist.

He really is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I get it, you know?

And especially now that he's blowing up,

this is how they are, the great chefs.

They do.

I'm excited to see his process.

I could not be more excited.

I'm filled with anticipation because of the fact that it's so unlikely that he will board this plane.

So I'm just,

I cannot wait for the message from you tomorrow.

I don't know if I'm going to sleep tonight.

I'm just going to be waiting for you to be like, we got eyes on him.

And that's going to change.

Will he or won't Fancy Chef show up?

Will he or won't he?

This is the greatest mystery

when

he was on his live and his phone was ringing, he would answer the phone.

He would go, fancy here.

Just answer the phone, fancy.

We don't even know his real name.

It's just a fancy thing.

It's just fancy.

Speaking of future stars that we've discovered,

I mean, they're just coming out of everywhere, you know.

If you follow my Instagram

and you consider yourself a friend of mine,

I've got something to request of you.

Please tell other people about my Instagram.

yeah sure got it I really really want to grow my social media presence

and I would consider it an act of friendship if you just informed other people about my Instagram

and suggested that maybe they

start checking my Instagram out now you have a lipstick line

what's going on with her Instagram somebody who I think this is a great model for my lipstick line I think you're right I would love to hire her I'm telling I'll tell you what, laugh if you want.

She's engaging.

Yeah, I'm curious to know what's going on in the bathtub.

She's splashing water.

Her splashing is very enticing.

I love this, and I want to help her.

It's semi-erotic, too.

Yeah.

My videos.

I love photographs

and what have you.

Okay.

Okay.

And

uh-oh.

So I just want to get that out there.

Jesus.

Uh-oh.

That I would really appreciate it if you would tell other people.

I will.

Happy to do.

Look at her tiny two feet.

About me and help me address my social media presence.

There's just one.

Oh, there's one on the bottom.

There's one rogue tofie down there.

Just want to know.

I like her lipstick.

It totally changed the vibe, though, because she could have just been a normal person and then she gave herself that pop of color.

And that whole time, you know, you're like, are we going to see more?

That's what I like about it.

It kept me on tender hooks.

Yeah.

I was like, will we see titties?

Is she going to flash something?

Really interesting.

It was cool.

What's this handle?

It's Denise No 1957 on Instagram.

Can you show us real quick?

Do you mind?

Yeah, that's really exciting.

I like Denise.

This is more interesting than 99% of the celebrity posts that I see on Instagram.

Yeah, let's see.

Oh, she has 90,000 followers already?

Oh, what?

Denise?

Wow.

She's an author.

No.

I thought we were.

I'll tell you where I usually see photos like that are on some of those documentaries I watch.

Your favorites, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, hold on, let's see what else.

Oh, other color here.

Huh.

Back in the tub?

Slavery.

Horrible thing.

Different lipstick, too.

Yeah.

But it was a part of the human condition.

Possibly back to prehistorical times.

Historically.

Before reading and writing were invented.

There was slavery.

Right.

Now, in America, we have a very strong association between slavery and race and racism.

Right.

That's true.

Most of the slides.

Is this really appropriate, Tub talk?

Slavery?

Slaves and slave owners.

Yeah, anything race.

I was horny and now I'm not.

People just didn't have the ability to go to another continent.

And that whole time did you see that one

peeking out.

That was so seductive.

Can you go to the next one?

But see, she keeps it.

I've never seen her out of the bath.

I kind of like it.

I think it's interesting how

words take on

meaning

and symbolisms

that are very much beyond what the word actually is.

I'll tell you what's interesting to me, too.

But something is kind of curious here.

Yeah.

There's 90,000 followers.

Sure.

No comments, 66 likes.

The math really ain't math, as the kids say.

She's the disabled writer of The Bloodied and the Broken, Justice Gone, Haywire, I Spy, You Spy, They Spy,

and Ron.

Yeah, I ran at the movies.

Okay.

Well, I don't know.

Click on the Amazon link because that's where you can see her books.

Are these self-published?

This is, I don't know.

She might be limiting her comments to, I mean, a lot of celebrities, you know, do that if they're not.

Good point anyway.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

These books are.

This is what she writes.

That's Denise.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, this is.

I'm thoroughly confused.

I'm very confused.

I'm very curious.

But we did what she asked, which is get people.

These are her books.

Is that free?

Is it $0?

I spy, you spy, they spy?

Yeah, the audiobook.

Yeah, you're right.

On Kindle.

Oh, it's free.

Oh, okay.

It's got

five reviews, four stars out of five.

That's not bad.

No.

Anyone ran at the movies.

Ayn Rand at the movies.

Wow.

That one's got five out of five stars.

Look, here's the thing, man.

We need to know what's going on with Denise.

I just love how she goes to the splashing because it does engage me.

And what's going on here

medical stuff going on?

Your daughter?

Someone's asking?

Hmm.

Again,

not a lot of explanation going on.

That looks like a

workspace.

Well, it looks like a crawl space.

Well, the other one just looked like people at an office.

Sure.

And then this other stuff looks like crime scene photos.

Yeah.

It just looks like, oh, this is Dennis Rader's garage.

Yeah.

This is the back of someone's head.

It's a really intr

terrifying sketches.

Like this, this, as a behavioral profile enthusiast,

you know, if you showed me this at first, I'd be like, oh, yeah, this person has committed some horrific crimes.

Oh, Will.

Oh, then the flowers.

She's always in the tub.

What's that?

What's going on here?

Okay, now we're in fishnet sky highs.

Again.

Dancing.

With the fishnets on.

Very beautiful.

I love

beautiful, sexy legs.

I really think about BTK because he was really in Wichita.

But may I, you know something, Tom?

I see myself going this way.

What?

Like, let's say you die before me.

You always bring up this scenario.

It's always on my because I can see myself going crazy.

Really?

Absolutely.

I'm the woman in the bathtub,

just thirst trapping, like just putting it out there.

This could easily be me.

And I have 10 cats.

You can see it.

That's why Annie's laughing because he's like, yeah, of course.

Look at her.

This is me.

A lot of engagement here.

A A lot of engagement.

These guys are super into her.

That's what I was saying.

What's going on here?

So she's getting dates.

That's how she does it.

Yeah.

There's always somebody.

I'll tell you what, those comments are about to change, sister.

You're going to start seeing a lot more stuff that

you're going to be like, what the fuck does this mean?

Oh, oh, knees up, knees up.

No, she looks good, though.

I like her shoes.

I'm good.

We can.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

This is interesting.

Thank you for showing me this.

The Bloodied and Broken.

Yeah, that's her book.

And there's a ghost.

She looks really different there, too.

You know, ever-changing, ever-evolving

as an artist does.

Right there.

And it's very dark lipstick today.

Maybe that's the Christina P collection.

I hope so.

You know, my new color Berlin looks similar to that.

There's her friend Jan at the fucking diner.

That guy right there in the middle.

It's like he's got a story to tell.

I don't know what's going on with him.

Brother and father at one of my favorite restaurants.

It's called Oseo

or

Asian Fusion, and it's in Bolivar.

Well,

anyway, I'm gonna

we got some some brothers in arms in these comments, though.

So that some people are, I built this brick by brick, I don't understand my feed, but I love it.

So other people are,

yeah, what's the German Weiss on Schik Mach Einstein?

Um,

is your dad a WW2 vet?

Oh, wow.

Thanks for the tour.

Hope you enjoyed the crispy chicken.

Oh, that's from the restaurant.

Well, either way, all we know is this is a great find, okay?

This is really rot.

Great, great find.

Here we go.

This is right.

Oh.

This reminds me of

King Asripper.

He does have King Barbara.

Similar physique and process.

Big baby.

Oh, boy.

Is he a baby?

Yeah, he's doing the big baby thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is what Asripper would taunt us us with.

Harry and Cross.

A message from McAfee.

I'd say howdy, but I'm not a real cowboy.

And I'm not a real alien.

We're deep fakes, and because of fakes like us, it's hard to tell what's real.

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He's a game.

Is he gonna rip?

Is he gonna rip?

Yeah.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Sah.

The crazier part is that there's another guy who you can't see who's watching this same video, just stroking his dick.

You know, being like, God, this is fucking hot.

Just loving this.

I will.

Whenever there's a, there's always somebody stroking their dick to it.

Of course, that's why he's putting it out there.

This isn't for women's benefit.

No woman wants to see this shit.

Nope.

He has the same burp sound that you do.

Yeah.

When you kind of look alike.

No, no.

You put your voice at the end of it.

Yeah.

It always gets me.

Yeah.

It always makes me laugh.

And then your mom gets super upset.

And then it makes me laugh even more when she goes, ah,

you are disgusting.

I like for somebody to answer me, Crean men or Newfoundland men or Canadian men.

Somebody contact me to let me know.

Would you like to have someone like me?

Wow.

Oh, I like that at the end.

Any?

I'm not Canadian, unfortunately.

That's true.

That's the only thing that's.

That's really, that's it.

Because, I mean, look, I'd be into it, but yeah, I just, I'm not from Canada.

What can I do?

You know, big difference between her and the cool guys is that she put her dentures in to make this video.

That is true.

It's a terrible angle.

It's horrible lighting.

The message is upsetting and at the very least, confusing.

But she does have her teeth in it.

Which is.

And that's a huge, huge win.

It's very rare that they do that.

So she put in the effort.

She looks clean.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody, and again, somebody's dick is hard.

Yeah.

Not yours.

I'll tell you the

that's made me the most that I laughed so hard.

I sent this video to 50 people when I got

it.

Did you send it to me?

I don't know if I did.

It was a while ago.

I actually forgot about it until I saw it in the bank today.

Here it is.

What they say, hold on.

Move your hair.

I'm trying to pronounce it.

Is it?

They say fuck.

Hold on.

I'm trying to sound it out.

But you're not sounding it right.

Fuck.

No, no, no.

Say uncle.

No, they don't say uncle.

They say fuck.

Brian's with uncle.

Funko.

Fuckle.

The shirt for people listening just says funkle, a fun uncle.

And his nephew is clearly just messing with him, saying it says fuck.

He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's why it's

don't say nothing now.

You got me saying it because I'm getting pissed off.

You're saying the fucking wrong.

Say the fucking word wrong.

It don't say nothing about no fucking nothing.

It says Uncle Funko.

Bitch, if you can't get it, if you can't say it, don't say it.

Don't say it out.

Don't say that shit.

Because you're pissing me off.

Say it second to rub your damn mouth.

Oh, shit, dude.

Right at the end.

He's like, fuck off.

He's got a fist.

He's going to kill him.

He's going to kill him, dude.

Holy shit.

He got so worked up by that shit, man.

He knew exactly how to wind his up.

He knew how to wind his ass up.

Do you think it wound him up because he's one of those guys?

It's like, I don't curse.

Yeah.

I don't do the cursing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, and is a harmless.

And he got, he probably loves this shirt.

That's his face.

You know, he's like, he's like, I'm a funko.

And he probably thought that was really endearing.

Oh, funkle.

A fun uncle.

I like that shit.

You know, and he's like, it says, fuck.

He's like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, funko.

I'm a funkle.

And the funny thing is, he's definitely not a funko.

No.

He's a beach your ass uncle.

For sure.

For sure.

He's got plastic covering the air conditioner.

He's so mad.

Yeah, he's so mad.

He's got murder in his eyes.

Look.

Uncle Funko.

He does love the shirt because look how worn it is.

Oh, he loves it.

That's his favorite one.

And his fucking, this kid knows exactly what button to press on this guy.

It's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a fuck.

Yeah, because he's like, he's taking it like, how dare you think I would put on something with cursing on it?

Of course, especially I'm an uncle, and you don't want to say like a fuck uncle.

No, of course.

That's terrible.

He's like, no, that'll piss him off.

So I'm just going to record him losing his shit right now.

All right.

Let's

stop.

Say, uncle, funko.

Funko.

Uncle Funko.

All right, let's take a quick break.

We'll be right back.

Say my name.

Say my name.

Fancy Chef.

This is the Beyonce, baby.

Look how lovely.

Look how nice.

570-604-3868.

702-742-1784.

516-713-9493.

Fuck me!

So nice.

He's beautiful.

Won't you like this thanksgiving team and i like this beautiful tonight by me the remarkable fancy chef i'm located in atlanta georgia okay i'm all booked up all right and we have to book fancy chef i'm coming to

the coming tuesday and that's gonna change will he or won't fancy chef show up will he or won't he and this is the greatest mystery happy said it i'm going to texas i really like this guy it's amazing you'll see how beautiful it'll be and i'm telling you the podcast is gonna go up

a a lot.

I'm doing the filming today, so.

You're filming?

What are you filming?

John Sabura.

No way.

Yes, way.

The actor?

Yes.

Good job.

Turn this off.

They're going to ring like crazy now.

Don't answer.

All right.

And welcome to another episode of Your Mom's Mom's House.

Today is a huge, huge day here.

We are bringing to you guys live and in person, one of, this is just like a breakthrough type of experience.

We've had days, I say, where you mark time, you know, RPC,

Charo's, famous 9.72 seconds.

Of course.

And then today.

Today we are bringing to you guys, we couldn't be more excited, the one and only fancy chef.

Give it up, everybody.

He's here

in the flesh.

Yeah, I mean, like, we've been, you know, watching the videos.

We've been obviously like fascinated by this thing.

I have to say, first of all, just so it's clear, we are big, big foodies.

In other words, we love fine dining experiences.

We love chefs.

In my mind, hanging out with chefs is a lot like hanging out with any other artist.

I see you guys as artists.

So I like hanging out with musicians, painters, comics, etc.

And chefs are like that for me, too.

So we always have a natural,

yeah, sure.

Do we need to take that?

Is that do you want to take it?

No, let them take it.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Okay,

so they're not going off.

Oh, okay.

Whatever.

You want them to take the phones away?

Yeah, you don't mind?

I don't mind.

Tanner.

You want to leave them?

No, it's up to you, Chef.

Whatever you want to do.

Do you want to leave them out here?

I don't want you to miss a.

I don't know if you need to grab a call.

It's fine.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

I ain't going to answer on set.

Oh, it's up to sure.

Do you want to take them out to the prep area?

Or do you answer on set?

You don't mind?

I don't mind if you answer on set.

Oh, you don't?

Okay, good.

I'll answer that call.

Okay, okay.

So anyway, we've been so fascinated.

And I know you're going to do something very special for us.

You were giving me a little bit of a teaser out there about today's going to be like...

Chef told me that he felt inspired, and he decided to call an audible, change the menu on the spot, in the moment.

And he also said he's going to do something he's never done before.

What?

We don't really know exactly what it is yet, but it's a little bit of a secret.

Can you give us any hints?

Like, any hints?

I could.

I'm hungry, by the way.

I came in starving.

I haven't had anything to eat today because I knew you were cooking.

Tell me, wet my whistle, wet my beak a little.

Give us a little?

Yeah.

Just give me like a little

appetizer of what it's going to be.

Tell me.

Yeah.

I want the excitement to be there.

I hear what you want.

Well, I'm excited either way.

But

it's a great mixture that I've never done before.

Okay.

It's going to be the first time.

But it's not going to be to the point where you'll be like, no.

You're really going to scream and shout like, this is it.

This is it.

So I know how to execute it.

Without ever doing it, I know how to execute it.

Of course, you're a master.

You're a master.

I know how to execute it.

Trust me.

Now, one of the things you've said, because everybody's interested in people's background, you started in the kitchen when you were four.

I did.

And did you ever go?

I imagine, did you work in restaurants growing up?

Did you go to culinary school?

Did you travel abroad and work in like a lot of chefs have certain paths?

What was your path?

So I'm going to tell you a real funny story.

Okay.

But let me go start from the beginning.

So I did start at four.

I started in the kitchen as a little child with my mom and my dad.

My dad was actually a Navy chef in the Navy.

Okay.

My mom actually learned from her parents.

So what I would do is at four, I would get the pot, get the pan, fill this up with water.

She actually sometimes stands me on the platform to get to the stove or to the water to fill it up or get the potatoes or something like that.

And it never left me from there on.

So what I did do is I went abroad as I grew and one of the first places I got into airline catering.

Airline catering, like Delta.

No.

We did British Airways first class of business class, Bee Wee, first class of British

first class of business class.

There was an airline.

There's kitchens in New York.

Would you do the thing where you would design the menu for that airline?

Like you would design what passengers are going to have?

No, later on.

Okay.

Because when I started, there was a chef there called Russo.

and i was young and russo at first didn't believe in me so he stuck me in the cold kitchen so he stuck me in the cold kitchen he seen my speed he said come here

i came to him i said what's the matter

i didn't know you were so fast i didn't know you were so good so the hot kitchen is more advanced right so he's tomorrow you coming in 6 a.m

He could sense how fast you were.

I did.

You're going in the hot kitchen.

I was excited.

I ran home and I told my mom.

And he took me and taught me the kitchen.

Stuff I had never seen before, really.

The tall kettles that you cook in and commercial kitchens, airline, hotels, so on and so forth.

And she said, that's good.

See what learning from home did for you?

So that was one of my first places that I got

a taste of commercial.

And then was it on to restaurants from there or just private cooking?

No, it was on to restaurants.

I actually had a good friend

who was into it.

It was in that neighborhood.

And this is when I went to Rockefeller Center in New York City to restaurant associates, Savory's.

I was telling you about Sepi Ringley.

So there was

three restaurants in the row they had.

Savory's to the left was American Festival Cafe.

To the right was the Sea Grill, where Chef Sepu Ringley

I learned up under him as well.

So

but this is interesting because you you said to us on the phone call that you didn't prefer to work with seafood.

Is there a history at the seafood restaurant?

Well, you got to tussle with a lot.

And the tussle is cracking, opening, so on and so forth.

Yeah.

Right.

Shells, so on and so forth.

But

the big thing is the smell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

that's.

That's a turnoff.

So it can be.

If you ain't in the, if you're not in the mood for that, then

you don't want to do it.

Tell me about strawberries because they so clearly have influenced you.

You know,

Dali was known for clocks in his work.

And I feel like when somebody says fancy chef, I go, strawberries.

This guy has a thing.

He loves strawberries.

Like, is there an origin story there?

I feel like there's a connection between you and strawberries.

It is.

And the connection that I have with the strawberries is they have a very distinct smell to them,

a great taste, they're very bright, and the contrast that they

give off

is exceptional.

Because you'll throw them in things that people don't expect.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I do.

That's exciting.

Yeah.

And the reason why I do is because

sometimes my mom tells me to.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's not playing, but.

That's something I've seen from your post is you have a very stream of consciousness way of cooking.

You feel something in the moment.

It is very artistic, right?

It is.

Yeah.

It really is.

It is.

So

ask you, are these people that are trying to book you that are contacting you right now on your phones?

Like, are these bookings?

They are.

Wow.

Wow.

Can you tell us, I mean, I know you've signed many NBAs.

Can you tell us one of the most exclusive clients you've worked for?

No.

No.

I could.

I can't tell you who it is, though.

I know.

Can you give us us a hint, maybe?

Yeah, can you tell us what the scenario was without telling us

who it was?

Are they actors?

Are they business people?

Probably.

All of the above.

Huh?

All the above.

And they have you on yachts and in mansions and everything?

Yeah.

Wow.

This guy here isn't really too much.

I didn't sign the NBA with him.

But he was one of my first ones.

And I'll tell you his name.

Daniel Green.

Oh, Daniel Green.

He drew for the comic books Marvel.

Okay.

Oh, that's nice.

And he had you.

He had me.

He had

in New York, in the town of Kingston, New York.

Not because I thought about it.

When I did, he was about

75.

And

excited.

Yeah.

And I did good.

He was just so excited for everything that I did.

But Daniel Green, he was a drawer for the Marvel Company.

Oh, there he is.

There he is.

Daniel Green.

Do you remember what he liked to eat?

What did you cook?

He didn't care.

He didn't care.

That's even better.

He trusted your

artists.

He was just fascinated in it.

But the artistry of it, he was just.

For people,

just general.

So basically, because I don't want people to waste your time,

can you tell people what kind of price range they need to be in, in if they're even looking to book you?

Because chefs come in different levels and tiers of pricing.

Like, what should people be expecting if they're even thinking about reaching out?

You get to think big.

Think big.

You get to think that all those investments you made,

you get to think about

bringing them here.

Wow.

You know, because

you don't want to eat.

Because

you could go to so many different places and do that.

McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, White Guy.

You could go there and do that.

But when you deal with all the street and the level of chefs and the level of food um that you're dealing with yeah paying should be like

no problem yeah okay

so um so if somebody says hey chef i'm having uh eight people i'd like to do a multi-course dinner are they thinking like

six like five figures six figures is it like is that reasonable It is.

Actually, it should be no price range.

No price range.

No.

Because you got to think about it.

If you want the best, if you want lavish, if you want fabulous, and you want fancy,

why would it be?

You think about it from this standpoint.

No,

I look at fur coats.

I look at clothes, right?

Yeah.

On different levels.

So a fur coat has two reasons to it, two meanings.

And the two meanings is

temperature

and how you look.

Yep.

So if you.

It's so funny.

I was this close to wearing a fur coat to meet you, and I thought, that's too hot out.

So, yeah.

So the thing about it is,

you got to look at that.

Yeah.

And you say, wow.

And there's different levels of furs.

So you have black llama.

You have

so many different.

And there are pieces and there are whole pieces of furs.

So if you get the pieces, they cost less.

If you get the whole, it costs more.

But it is fancy.

Unlimited is nice, but just so people have have like a ballpark like if they should be prepared to spend a hundred thousand at least for a good dinner why not yeah no i agree no we're just yeah yeah um we agree

you uh you you can uh

minimize and you can okay work with a person if they're normally those people that because my background in those places yeah

limitless well let's do this right now i mean we're so excited to get this going why don't we get you out into the prep area with uh your sous chef tanner and you guys can start prepping we'll check in with you regularly and then um when the meal is ready to go you come back in here and we'll we'll you know we'll do our tasting together does that work it does great all right wonderful awesome thank you thank you chef

thank you uh

all right uh we just kind of step down there for a second to get um chef started um how how incredible is this i mean look it's been a quite a whirlwind whirlwind week for us here at YMH because we weren't sure he was even going to show up.

There was a lot of anticipation.

And there was a lot of excitement last night when you got the notification.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

The eagle had landed.

That the eagle had landed in Austin.

Thank you, guys.

And then the excitement of him going live

on Instagram.

We were watching in bed.

Yeah, it was incredible.

It was incredible.

So, yeah, this is going to be exciting.

What do you anticipate for the meal?

I feel like

we have the first course.

Wow, it's hitting right now.

Already?

Jesus.

That is.

That was so fast.

Okay, Chef, what's your hand?

We're going to do what we talked about.

Okay.

With just one of them.

Okay.

Wow.

One of the dishes is ready to go.

One dish is ready to go.

Literally, what, four minutes?

This is one of my favorites.

This is one of your favorites.

Which is the strawberries.

Strawberries.

Yes.

Unbelievable plating of strawberries.

Gorgeous.

I actually want to

give a color contrast like using those words.

Okay.

And brighten the area and brighten it up.

Okay.

And also give a great smell.

Excellent.

That's what we want.

These look incredible.

They look fresh.

So we'll go ahead and we'll start with those.

Thank you.

Okay.

All right.

Tom,

would you like me to serve you a strawberries?

I would love one.

I am a huge fan of strawberries, actually.

I'm just going to go ahead and take this one.

Yeah, wow.

Let's see.

They've been washed.

I wonder if it had anything to do with my mentioning it or I don't know at this point.

Listen, he came with a plan.

That was

first course, a plate of strawberry.

Do they call this in a mousse-bouche in fine dining?

Well,

fancy, delicious, beautiful and nice.

Yeah.

I have no idea how he just did that.

That was so fucking good.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

There's so many more.

Yeah.

I didn't realize he had prepared so many.

Actually, this is a really, really sweet course.

It's a nice strawberry.

He's right.

It really sets up your palate.

No.

you know what's so funny is you you do love fine dining i do this is your most favorite genre and we went we were in amsterdam it's funny because heather was going to ask me what my least favorite meal was oops my mic cut out now it's back okay and um it was a fine dining meal we had in amsterdam i didn't enjoy it either you know i didn't enjoy it either that you really roll the dice on

tasting menu style places.

I mean, it means that they're competent at what they do.

Sure.

But that might not be for your palate.

And I wasn't a big fan of that either.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I also had a tasting menu in Madrid that I didn't enjoy.

But it was like, I don't know.

It was a little too experimental.

It's too fancy.

No, it's too fancy.

Can I be honest with you?

And I know we have Danish listeners.

I wasn't a fan of the Dane food.

Period.

I don't think they're offended.

I don't think they're fans of it either.

Yeah, they told us because I was like, we're sure.

We don't want to eat this bullshit.

I was like, what's like the nicest to send us to the best Danish restaurant?

And they're like, oh, you don't want to eat that.

To be clear about the Madrid experience, I am a huge fan of Spanish food.

This wasn't the

restaurant style.

It was like experimental seafood stuff.

And I just, it really wasn't.

You know, as a fan of Anthony Bourdain, Rest in Peace, he would always talk about his loathing of when chefs.

tortured the food.

Yeah.

I agree.

I don't want to see anything freeze-dried or essences of don't torture the food.

Just give me.

But by the way, our guy, high-quality ingredients.

incredible and one chef told me one time you know who it was do you remember when we were gonna do naked sushi yeah we were gonna book naked sushi yes so i talked naked sushi was like where they have like a model yes who's mostly nude and you eat sushi off of her and we were and you have like guests there and it was it's supposed to be just like the fun

i don't know experience of that all yeah so i talked to that chef And I had like a tasting thing for him.

I don't know what it was.

But anyway, he said this thing I never forget, which is the food is always the star.

So you have to get great quality food.

And then Fancy Chef brings in these strawberries and you're like, oh yeah, lesson learned.

Definitely.

Because those aren't just anybody could just give you whatever strawberry.

And he went and picked super high-quality ones.

Yep, very fancy and very nice.

So far, so good.

So far, so good.

What's your rating, Tom?

Well, right now we're fucking, I guess, 12 stars.

Isn't that the scale?

Yeah.

Pretty amazing.

Let's look at the camera.

Just the camera feed is fine.

oh look at him fancy's cooking fancy's in there with chef tanner

chef tanner learning's handing him a knife okay got proper text slicing and dicing wow yeah this is this is exciting uh hold on can i tell you something yes i got a picture of the old lady who reads dirty the dirty book in the waiting room today again this is like the same lady this is her and i was so fucking i was so stoked because i finally know i can read the tie light i I took a sneaky pic of her.

I won't post it because this is someone's grandma.

Okay, she's almost done with the book.

She made a lot of progress since yesterday.

The book is called Hidden Secrets Between Them.

And it's a very horny cover.

I mean, from what I can tell.

Anyway, look how far she got.

Yeah, she's, I can tell.

She's almost done.

She doesn't even look up.

Hidden Secrets Between Them.

Maybe it's not even horny, but it felt horny to me.

Or maybe it's too gay.

Yeah, it's totally horny, right?

An uplifting inspirational romance.

That's what it's like.

Oh, bullshit, dude.

And by the way, aren't all secrets by definition hidden?

I feel like it's redundant to say hidden secrets.

These are open secrets between them.

Yeah.

Let's see.

Can we read a little bit?

Yeah, we can see it.

And it's inspirational.

Oh, show's coming up.

Oh, my God.

We're already in Course 2.

Course 2.

This is so fast.

This is part of the

pricing.

Watch your head.

Watch your head, everybody.

Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to come here.

Yes, sir.

I want to do it right before your eyes.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to have this.

Yes, Chef.

Give me a bigger plate.

Yes, Chef.

Okay.

Again, I always talk about color comments.

Oh, shoot.

That's all right.

That's okay.

It happens.

Can you pull that page in, Gene, before it goes off the side?

Yes.

Can we soak that up?

Sorry about that, right?

Come on.

What happened, Chef?

It spilled off.

Okay, let's go all the way up.

You weren't fucking here.

That's what happened.

This definitely goes on you, Tanner.

Yeah, dude.

You're supposed to be next to him helping him.

Sorry, Chef.

Okay, good.

Good job.

You can just take the paper, Tanner.

Are we filming?

Yes, Chef.

We are filming.

Okay, good.

So we're going to do color contrast.

We're going to go Italian.

Okay, color contrast.

We're going to go to go Italian.

Right, here.

We're already at.

We should mention, by the way, the strawberries were unbelievable.

So good.

So now we are on the second course, or it looks like we have some verata

and some ergo tomatoes.

Yes, I'm gonna go

so you're going tomato, cheese, tomato, cheese, tomato.

Okay, I like that.

Okay, okay.

So, the key point here is you want to go middle.

You want to go in the middle.

Okay, you want to go middle.

Yeah, walk us through your thinking right now:

excitement,

overjoy.

Okay, so I want to go.

There we go.

And right, so we're going middle, even

spread out.

Spread out.

Let me have...

Good job, Tanner.

Yeah, cover it.

Okay, we're going to go here.

Some balsamic here.

Wow.

Beautiful.

Ooh, look at the drizzle technique.

I like that.

Okay, yeah,

let me have the olive oil.

Yes, yes.

So I'm going to go olive oil.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

That's a generous.

I know.

Yes.

I actually wanted to spout.

Oh, yeah.

Because I like olive oil.

So do I, and it's good for

the container.

So it's even in that.

That's okay.

It's even out.

Look.

Yeah.

The chef got it.

No tricks.

That's good.

You got no tricks.

Wow.

Okay, look.

So now we're going to put the finishing touches.

The finishing touches.

Is that the basil?

The basil.

Wow.

All right.

And again, generous size.

All right.

So we go.

Basil.

Yes, nice.

I love basil too, and he knows that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, all right.

I like that.

Not too much.

You don't want to overshadow the dish.

It's important to also point out some of your intuitive nature because we didn't even fill out a preference sheet.

You're doing this without us having relayed to you what some of our favorites are.

And right out of the gate, there's two in a row.

It's incredible.

Beautiful.

I like it.

Okay.

Great.

Second dish ready to go.

All right.

Very good.

Second course.

Tom, I'll let him try it because

Tom is the discerning palette of the two of us.

Wow.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

I am like a trash dog with my palette.

Yeah, sure.

You are refined.

Wow.

That looks gorgeous.

Okay.

Really nice.

And yeah.

Everything good with the hot food coming through?

You're prepping for that?

Okay, good.

Okay, good.

Great.

You ready?

Yes.

Thank you, Chef.

We look forward to the next one.

No problem.

Yeah, this is exciting.

This is really exciting.

Very exciting.

Also,

interesting

bit of information, Zolo,

is that nothing has been done to start hot food is what I was just told.

Oh, really?

That's just an interesting choice, I think.

You know, he's timing it out, though.

He's a master.

A generous helping of basil.

A generous amount of olive oil.

And he plated it lovely.

It is beautifully plated.

Yeah, this is incredible.

Yeah, the plating is lovely.

He put a ton of basil on there.

Why are you scooping it off?

I'm moving it to see what else I can.

It was such a large piece that I couldn't see what was underneath it yeah it's like a basil salad with some tomato and matzo i love it i love it and look at them they're working away they're on to the next dish do you want to know what i noticed however yes i didn't see him season it i didn't see salt and pepper which i'm a fan of salt and pepper of course a lot of people are but i also have to think there's a reason for that

do anything without having a probably pretty good reason for it of course so Here we go.

I'll slice it in two because we're each going to have a bite.

Okay.

This is very exciting.

Wow, so much oil, too.

I like that.

You know, olive oil, very healthy.

The Mediterranean diet is supposed to be the most healthful.

Wow,

absolutely just swimming in oil.

It's incredible.

I think I'll let you be the taste.

I think you're gonna

take bites.

Good.

We're taking bites.

Well, wow,

juicy.

You can taste the oil.

What about that basil?

You can taste that too.

Here you go.

Here's your bite.

No, no, no, I'm good.

I believe you.

You need to try it.

Very juicy.

There's oil on my jacket all the time.

You know what?

It's $45,000.

You're taking a bite.

Fair enough.

Well, that is.

I know you love your basil.

Yeah.

There we go.

Let's see.

I cut it in a quarter.

Like it just dripped on my thumb.

That's good.

It's dripping on the table.

Mm-hmm.

It's very oily and juicy.

I like that.

Very fancy, very nice.

Very fancy.

There's oil all over the table.

There's oil on my jacket.

Another home run.

Well done, chef.

That's very oily.

Mm-hmm.

But

beautifully plated.

Absolutely.

And what a thrill to watch him work.

To see it happening in the moment.

Yeah, it really is something.

You don't get that at fine dining.

You know what it reminds me of, probably a little bit of?

It's kind of like somebody invited you over to Prince's house.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh, he's just teetering on the guitar today.

And you're like, what?

And then you just get to like,

you hear a couple notes getting strummed, you know, like, ding, don't, don't, damn.

You're like, oh, I'll just hang back.

And then an hour later, he's like, I just wrote a new song.

You're right there.

It's kind of like.

This is just the beginning.

I know.

And he hasn't even started cooking the hot stuff yet.

Now, let's go back to my horny novel because I am so interested in that.

Okay, but let's look at the pages.

Do we have page selections?

Hidden secrets between them.

Christian book distributors.

I know, but it's supposed to be horny.

Okay.

He never meant to be a father.

Let's see here.

I was hoping it was hornier than this.

I mean, it is.

Okay.

Isn't are those images there at one of them a page?

Yeah.

Okay.

There you go, Tom.

You have to tell him.

You have to tell him.

Standing in the kitchen of the house she just signed a six-month lease on.

Kristen Reynolds sighed.

I know, mom.

It was all she'd thought about since Dr.

Olson gave her the good news that, despite their concerns of her being a single mother, she'd convinced them she was the right person to run the urgent care center, which soon open in

Hope Crossing, Texas.

As a nurse practitioner,

this is so boring.

Oh, this is your fucking choice.

I know, but I wish it was hornier.

I'm just saying, I can't imagine people read this stuff.

I mean, you saw the lady who's reading it.

I know.

I was hoping it was better.

Do you even read fiction?

I feel like I can't stand fiction.

I can't stand descriptions.

It's not my favorite.

It's not my favorite either.

Let me play you an opening clip I've been wanting to share with you.

Well, I'm disappointed that that wasn't hornier.

In my mind.

I know, it's a bummer.

I know.

It It would have been awesome if it was like the pussy juice was dripping down.

That would have been nice.

I did talk to a deaf woman today in the waiting room, and that was cool.

I could tell she was reading my lips and stuff.

Wow, what's up?

You should bring that lady one of our books, one of like the Kwan Mills novels or something.

Yeah, dude, I noticed you were reading a book last week.

I brought you another one.

That's a really good idea.

I know.

I will.

Do you want to talk shit, you fucking losers?

What's up?

I'm here on the beach.

What the fuck is up?

Wow.

That was cool, huh?

I like that a lot.

Look at him just in there working away.

I wonder what he's prepping for the third course.

Do we know if there's dessert today?

I'd hope so.

We're paying him.

Oh, because I'm, you know, I'm

kind of

practiced and set it out so that I would have a cheat meal.

Oh, perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got dessert.

Okay.

I've been really restrictive, you know, and

I was like, well, if you're going to get off the

health train, you want it to be worth it.

Of course.

It's going to be, babe.

Jeez.

Well, no, that's what I'm saying.

I was like, did he bring dessert?

Yeah.

So, wait, what's this guy?

I don't understand where the blood is coming from.

What the fuck is up?

I'm not convinced it's real.

The blood.

I think it's very real.

You think so?

Yeah.

It's kind of really bright and perfectly clean

you want to talk shit you fucking losers what's up

oh i also got a notification from my black friend uh-huh she texted me this morning and she goes

she goes i lost my glasses um black people don't use vinegar to clean a chicken damn it Have that chef make a black Thanksgiving.

That would be hilarious.

Really?

Yeah.

She's like, black people don't do that.

I guess I said that or someone must have said that.

Like, oh, is this a black person thing?

No, it's not, is what I'm trying to tell you.

I have heard wash your chicken

in the black community before.

Oh, okay.

Maybe not with the vinegar.

I had heard the wash thing for sure before.

Have you any?

Sorry, I just got back in.

You said washing chicken?

Yeah, have you heard that as a culturally black thing before?

I don't know if it's a culturally black thing.

I mean, yeah, washing shit is probably good, right?

Yeah.

But with vinegar.

I don't know if I would do it with that.

Okay.

I don't know if I'll do it with a toothbrush, particularly the tongue scraper part.

I don't know if I'll do that, but yeah, I might wash it, though.

Okay.

I mean, you know.

Just making sure.

Just trying to learn, you know.

Anyways.

Anyway.

We've been watching the Menendez Brothers show on Netflix.

I forgot how cool those guys were.

Yeah.

I know.

I did forget, too, because that happened when I was 89.

Yeah.

I can't believe because it, I don't know, it feels to my memory like, oh, I don't know, somewhere in the 90s.

Yeah, maybe it's because the trial was later, right?

That's a problem.

Yeah, when is the Menendez trial?

Because I remember that going on and on and my parents watching it every night.

Yeah.

And I know they killed their parents.

Oh, 93.

So that's why.

July 2093, it starts.

So it's...

Four years after the murders.

Yeah, so that's why it felt like it took place.

Yeah, and funny too, now the way they make this show is they're making it sympathetic to the brothers, you know, which is such a 2024 thing.

I don't think they're trying to make it sympathetic to the brothers.

I don't think they are.

I think they're making it.

How do you gather that?

Well, they're just like setting up the parents to be shit turds, you know?

Yeah, but it's still showing it as pretty much, pretty clearly, first-degree premeditated murder.

Yeah, that's true.

I don't think it's sympathetic to them.

I do think they're fucking like probably fun guys, though.

Of course they're fun guys.

Yeah.

Like you watch it and you're like, I like these guys.

You know?

They're nice guys.

A couple of cool kids.

And of course, the whole time we're like, oh, no.

Is that Ellis and Julian?

The hair piece thing.

That's wild.

Oh, yeah.

Everybody's like, these are yours.

Is this my kid?

Is my kid going to fucking do this?

Yeah, they look like new kids on the blog sitting down there.

So he's got his hair piece on, which I think is amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't that crazy?

Look how different he looks.

Yeah.

Hair really does.

with the hair on.

I have wigs coming up in this show.

Oh, cool.

It totally changes.

It changes you so dramatically.

Hair is everything.

I know.

It's wild, dude.

Yeah.

I tried to watch a murder show that you recommended.

Yeah.

So I get the best text.

I would say the best text you've ever sent me.

Wow.

And you said, I'm ready to get into murder shows.

I mean, I literally stopped what I was doing and I was like, I've been waiting fucking 20 years for this text.

I get so excited.

You go, give it to me.

Give it to me, Mark.

Give it to me, Mark.

Give it to me.

I'll watch whatever you want to watch.

And I'm home.

Like, I'm in Florida.

You're, and I go,

I kind of run through my

Rolodex of Dead Bodies.

And I go, ah, I got one for you.

Why don't you check out?

Because it's fantastically done.

American Nightmare, which came out, I don't know, six, nine months ago, whatever.

And I go, how was it?

You go, I lasted five minutes.

I think I should have been more pacific in that I like cute little 20-year-old girls getting murdered in their apartments.

That's what that one was.

She wasn't murdered.

Too close.

She wasn't murdered.

I like serial killery.

I think that's the difference.

Is I want to know about dark souls.

Like, I like the Menendez Brothers.

I'm actually really on board with that.

Okay.

Because I could put myself in their position where you're like, oh, I kind of hated my parents too.

Would I kill them?

You want to watch a serial killer doc?

Yes.

But that's why I like the Menendez Brothers.

Like I'm saying.

I'm not going to have a Serial Killer Doc.

No, no, but they're killers and they're dudes and and the people they kill you're like oh I could see that okay I could see how you could do that as a young person too victim uh accountability is is in your decision making here maybe a little bit wait I mean couldn't you see yourself kind of possibly doing it at their age like well everybody entertains that idea well like they're they mad at your parents I hate my parents you know taking it to that where they did is obviously you know

other level you know while we're doing this, why don't we just take a moment here?

Can we check in with Fancy Chef and Chef Tanner?

I don't know if you'll be able to hear the ringing with the cacophony of other beeps and rings.

Okay, let's see.

See, that's salt stopping.

He's reaching in his pocket.

He just put it away.

Guys,

and now he just ran away.

I loved this.

Okay.

This is excellent for my hair.

I really love this.

Tanner.

So yes,

we want him to answer.

Yeah, what does it think?

Is it mom call?

I didn't need the oil.

I didn't need the oil.

What the fuck did it last a minute?

And I don't want to saturate it too much and change the flavor in it.

That's not something I'm going to do.

Are we good?

Okay.

Tanner's a strange one.

It's a strange bird, that kid.

Have your salt.

Here we go.

Okay, so we're back.

Once this boils?

Yes, Chef.

Okay, Tanner, what's going on?

We have a live feed.

We're watching you guys cook.

Tell me what's going on right now.

So right now, we're cooking prosciutto.

Okay.

Are we sautéing the prosciutto, Chef?

Yes.

She says we're sautéing the prosciutto.

Getting it nice and crispy.

We got to get it crispy, yes, Chef?

Okay.

And then we are boiling water, Chef, right?

Yes,

for the pasta.

Okay.

Let's bring it out for the pasta.

I'm going to go grab the pasta now.

Okay, I'll let you go.

I'll let you go.

I'll call it back later.

He's frantic.

Wow.

He's very.

like in the heat.

Exciting.

There's a lot going on.

How many plates?

We have got boiling water.

We've got a plant.

Look at Chef.

He's rubbing his hands.

He knows he's doing something pretty incredible.

Flipping stuff.

He's definitely done that before.

Yeah.

Well, he's just doing his thing.

Stuff like that.

Wow.

Curious to see.

Where did Tanner go?

I'm not sure, but...

Tanner's grabbing the pasta inside.

Yeah, he's got to do what Chef tells him to do.

So, wait, I can show you,

I can give you serial killer dots.

Yeah, I'd like that.

But you just, you want to know what I like, do you know what I really like?

What's your profile was first?

No, no.

I think now that I think about it, why I like the Menendez Brothers is that it's something I could see myself doing.

I actually like the ones that I'm more relatable to, like husband murders.

Are there a lot of those?

I'd like to see that.

Like where he's snoring and snoring and then she stabs him to death or something like that.

So it's important to note that the

Menendez Brothers one you're watching currently is a scripted one.

There's a dock that has just

that I would like you to watch.

The docks are that's where the good stuff is.

Yeah, that's when you really get the true insight when you get the real images and the real audio.

And

I'll have a few of those on deck for you.

Okay.

If you're down.

I can't watch them alone.

I'll watch them with you.

I'll watch them 50 times again.

They're so fucking entertaining.

So fun.

And then when they end, I go,

night night.

Good night.

I watched Blink Twice.

Blink Twice?

With Channing Tatum.

Yeah.

Because I heard on TikTok that that's what P.

Diddy's parties were kind of like and what it's like to be sex trafficked.

So

Tatum plays a Diddy-like character?

Mm-hmm.

That's pretty wild.

It's a good movie.

Kind of a goofball.

Yeah, kind of a guy, a weird guy doing weird stuff.

It was a great movie, really good.

Because you're like, how do you get sex trafficked?

Like, how does that happen?

It's not like you just get snatched from the airport.

Yeah, you know, it's a slow seduction.

I mean, then spoiler alert, guys, but this is just like the ABCs of sex trafficking.

I think I'm in a sex trafficking wormhole vortex.

Like, I'm really interested in it now.

Yeah.

So, like, yeah, they, they're kind of, they're courted and they're seduced

and then given drugs,

you know and then you just are like you wait you don't remember stuff stuff happens kind of slippy oh you know zoe directed and she's dating channing so that's what she directed she directed her own her her boyfriend yeah that's a hot couple jeez yeah too good looking yeah yeah because like uh you know us moms are always worried about getting snatched in the airport that's not that's not how it happens it's a slow seduction you just trust a dude and that's what uh diddle did that's right diddle would have these parties and probably make big promises and then drugs for sure.

Lots of lube, we know that.

Dildo's.

And then all of a sudden you're like, I guess I could fit three in there, did he?

Three in you, two and you.

But that's why I liked this kind of stuff because you're like, wow, could I sex traffic?

Could you be sex trafficked?

Could I, A, could I be sex?

And absolutely, yes.

Like, if they, if Channing Tatum had caught me at like 18 or 19, just dumb as shit and like mesmerized by his fame, and you're like,

and then he's like, do you want to go to this island like yeah fly private what like of course yeah but then you think could i be the one doing the traffic game like to be a violent psychopath and like yeah i feel like we're all able you think you're capable of that i don't know you put some drugs in me some ketamine that you could be the trafficker

The dark side of you is like, okay, I kind of

see the allure, like the darkness, you know?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Don't you feel like it's hard to not not embrace that's what I'm saying like why do some people like I choose not to do that obviously yeah but like what's in some people that they're like that's okay I'll just embrace it they lean in yeah everybody has darkness in them and then some people go I don't want to let I'm not going to embrace it some people go I'm going to lean into it so what is that what's the difference in that's the human experience what are you talking about I know I guess that's why I like it because like any you could do it we're all capable but we just everything you know stealing and killing is all, it's like darkness within people.

Yeah.

I know.

And you either resist it or you embrace it.

I know.

Because when I was, you know, when you're young and a teenager, you start to dabble in the darkness.

You're like, can I steal?

And I remember I stole lemon heads, a box of lemon heads from Michael's or Spencer's.

You get a rush.

And I got caught.

The guy caught me.

Yeah.

And he's like, you want to put that back?

And I was like, am I arrested?

And he's like, just put it back.

And I was like, okay, that was a sign from God.

I'm not meant to steal and what how were you 13.

yeah so that was like okay good age to learn it yeah

but yeah good age to learn it check this out sure

very bumpy road

that made me feel okay

yeah she would love to get s trafficked you think so

oh yeah i love this lane so do you like this bikini yes all right

i've been looking for this for two days I have so many clothes because I have a couple of YouTube channels yeah that I model clothing on

and

I wanted to model this the other day and I couldn't find it I did find it but I'm missing a dress

what do you think let me know let me know

so thirsty

so thirsty let me know

I appreciate you she's sweet

she's got them uh black lady bus driver tits big Big old bus driver tits.

Those are the kind I had.

Those are my tits.

And every time I see a lady with big old slops like that, I'm like, I hope she's getting an MRI, breast MRI.

I had

a six-inch cancer dick in one of mine.

And I had black lady bus driver tits.

Big ones.

Yeah.

Those are the same.

Black bus drivers do have big tits.

They do.

What is that?

I don't know.

It's part of the requirement.

That and like the black ladies that work at the DMV always had big tits, too.

And cafeteria.

Yeah.

Always.

I think it's part of the interview.

They're like, how big are your tits?

Do you have

triple G's?

And they're like, yeah.

And they're like, you can come in.

Yeah.

You can work.

You can work for the transit system.

Unbelievable.

Oh, geez.

I don't think so.

What do you think of this lady?

I do like they were doing linen, though.

I hate this.

Yeah.

I hate her highlights.

They're wrong.

They're bad.

You know, that's so like 98.

I hate a lot of it.

I know.

I didn't like that.

Yeah.

Oh, Tanner looks like he's rushing to grab the broom.

Some little something broke, maybe.

Well, it happens, you know.

Yeah, that's burn this claw.

I'll put that on this cloth right here.

Okay.

Oh, shoot.

Oh, no.

I mean, kitchens are messy.

You can't get mad about that, you know.

You can't get mad about that.

If

here's another thing of cool women, did you know that the same god that made that

made made you too?

What?

What?

Crazy!

What?

Oh my gosh!

Yeah, I'm really digging these Christian talks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They get so pumped over Jesus.

They really love it, man.

I also feel like this lady right here who's so into Jesus, it like

kind of crazy to me that she's so tatted up.

I just don't usually...

think of the two together.

Yeah, they're usually nervous.

She's young.

Mm-hmm.

No, she must have found Jesus after the task.

That's what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

She led a fun life and then was like, I'd better reign this in.

I got to clean this up.

And that's when you find JC.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love when they get so pumped over the Lord.

But could you imagine feeling that much joy for your Savior and Christ?

I mean, it's got to be great.

If you could, yeah, if it's in you.

If you feel that?

I know.

It's only Christians.

It's so weird.

You never see Muslims do this.

It's so true.

You never see Jewish people do this.

Only people.

Well, probably because Christ is the only real Lord, but only

Christians get this excited, you know?

You know why?

I think because they pump it like Jesus loves you, Jesus, but you don't ever hear like Muhammad loves you.

No.

Yahweh loves you.

You don't give a fuck.

It's mostly like, don't do bad things.

Yeah.

Otherwise, you'll be

stricken down.

Yeah.

Smoted, smited.

Yeah.

No, this is fucking amazing.

I wish I had this joy.

I got Tanner out there just fucking.

Oh, you're looking.

Uncle, grab it.

Oh, what the bags of seafood are out in the sun, huh?

he's got tanner running back and forth too

yeah man oh that mozzarella cheese i wonder which seafood he's gonna start with no no he's checking out his equipment right now his seasoning it's basil chef

more basil

he really likes basil

basil let me see give me a couple of huh

oh i'm i'm just i'm elated let me um is he still he's gonna put you know i realized he's still putting basil on tomatoes that's fine are we not past that

i don't know he's He's basiling tomatoes still.

This was 20 minutes ago we left.

Look, you don't question the process.

That's one thing I've learned.

I know.

I'll go grab that.

I cook fast, you know.

Yeah, well, this is.

Much faster.

I'm not a Michelin star.

That's what I say.

Dude, I get it.

I get it.

So

I feel like

I'm actually a fan of poetry.

Really?

Yeah, but it's like...

I hate it.

I think you kind of do like it if it's presented the right way.

In other words, you know, someone doing like slam poetry

want to die, right?

And then,

I don't know, some of the older traditional poems, I just get lost.

I'm not.

I don't understand it.

I got to be honest with you.

Some modern day

takes on poetry I do get emotional with.

Okay.

And I do enjoy them.

So I pulled one for you.

Oh, thank you.

Okay.

Let me lick it.

Let me lick it.

Let me lick it.

Lick it.

Lick it.

Lick it, please.

Lick, lick, lick, all night long.

Lick, lick, lick, down to the bone.

Lick, lick, lick, lick it to it dry.

Lick, lick, lick, ya, ya, ya.

Lick, lick, lick, no, mm.

Lick, lick, lick, no, mm.

Lick it in the bed, lick it on the floor.

Make sure you make it to the big old.

Lick it slow, lick it fast.

Lick it, lick it slow, lick it fast.

Lick it slow, lick it fast.

I can't.

And spank, spank, spank.

Spank that head.

Okay.

All right.

I'm done.

That was awesome.

What do you think?

I hate it.

Why do you hate it?

I hate these.

I just.

You don't want it to be licked.

You don't want to be licked slow or fast?

No, stop.

I don't want to answer.

Make it slow, lick it fast.

Tom.

Look.

I don't want him to lick it to the bone.

That part really, like,

he's going to lick the meat off.

You know what I mean?

I don't like that.

Cake next, I don't like it.

Okay.

It makes me so hard to fucking.

I hate these guys.

Well, today is a food-centric episode, so I thought that you might enjoy stepping into the food space.

You drink red wine, as you know, pepperoni is really greasy,

and I love pepperoni.

Yeah, I like pizza, but I love pepperoni.

Thank you.

What I do is I take pepperoni.

I chew it up really well.

Yeah.

I get the juices and grease in my mouth.

Yeah.

Both sides of my cheeks.

Sure.

That sounds lovely.

Then I sip my red wine.

Plenty of ice.

Ice in the red wine.

Way around my mouth.

I love feeling the grease come out of my cheeks.

and down my throat.

Excellent way to drink wine and learn how to drink wine.

Getting the greases out of

your palate and down your throat.

Yeah.

What do you think

of

pairing up fancy chef with fancy salmonier?

Chucks here.

Would love that.

And having, because wine pairings are really fun to do.

See, the thing is, sometimes you go to these restaurants and they go, would you like a wine pairing?

And you're like, eh, I'm not, I don't really care.

But then you get somebody who's really, like, really well-informed, and it changes the whole experience.

No, I know, and pepperoni.

What the fuck was this?

You can't even believe how good it is.

But most sommoliers don't pair pepperoni,

they're afraid to.

Okay, and most chefs don't bring out strawberries as a first course.

Most people don't just eat a plate of pepperoni on its own.

That's very bold.

But you're not a sommelier, are you?

Looks like they're headed in with the next course.

Holy shit.

I'm ready.

I'm starving, Marvin.

Wow.

Wow.

This is exciting.

I hope it's a plate of pepperoni.

I hope it's a plate of pepperoni.

I'm really ready for a plate of pep.

Nobody eats a plate.

Even like,

no, my dad wouldn't even eat a plate of pep.

Yeah.

And he's pretty hardcore.

Pretty hardcore.

Plates of salami and shit.

Third

course.

Oh, shit.

Plate hit the door.

That could have been a disaster.

I got it.

Okay.

Thanks.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Watch your shoulder, Chef.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Holy cow.

Yes.

This looks stunning.

All right.

Beautiful and nice.

Beautiful and nice.

What are we looking at here, Chef?

So, what I had the honor to use is a good fancy mozzarella cheese.

The star of the dish, is you're not going to believe it.

It's a wake-up.

So I used prosciutto, mozzarella cheese, tomato.

I buttered it, some olive oil, salt, and pepper.

Unbelievable.

But the star of the show is this.

That's going to give the pop.

It's the fresh oregano.

The fresh oregano.

Okay.

That's what it is.

So when you use

fresh ingredients, it changes everything.

Everything.

Canned, bottle.

It's not the same, but fresh, grown, fresh, nice and beautiful.

Amazing.

I can't wait to try this.

But what are you waiting for?

Tom, you're the first.

You do the honors, of course.

Let's see here.

This looks amazing.

Incredible.

I'll just watch your face.

Okay.

I mean, I should also say the presentation is extraordinary.

Stunning.

Ooh, listen to that crunch.

Great crunch.

Wow.

That's a design to do that.

Because, to tell you the truth,

with the layers of...

the liquidation, which would be the butter and the olive oil, you need something to hold it.

And the crunch and the toasting is what holds it.

Very impressive, Chef.

Very impressive.

Yeah.

Good.

Okay.

I love that.

I've got two more.

I got this beautiful pasta that I'm doing amazing.

You're going to love.

All right.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Watch your head.

Watch your head.

Watch your head.

Oh, shoot.

I'm still doing.

Yep.

I'm going to go stealing.

Oh, there you go.

Yeah, most people don't cook

prosciutto.

Is he okay?

Yeah, he's okay.

I also want to say, by the way, to all of you, kudos on preparing for today, making this all happen.

You guys did a great job.

And you all look very nice.

You made it very fancy.

We did our best.

You guys look very fancy.

You look very good.

You've noticed that, right?

The staff.

Oh,

everybody looks amazing.

Thank you guys.

You know, what's interesting about this, a lot of chefs don't cook the prosoto.

I'll try and try some a few.

Try it.

It's different taste when it's cooked up.

I mean, I don't want to be eating.

Do you think I'm selfish enough?

I'm going to eat this all?

I'll try it somehow.

Come and try it.

And treat yourself to a strawberry if you care.

That's the whole piece.

Yeah, go ahead and try it.

Yeah, pick a strawberry.

You know, I'm a little disappointed.

So far, we haven't seen any presentations in the glasses.

The meal's not over.

I want to see meat in a glass with some ratchet.

I do too.

Well, so far, I'm very impressed.

Me too.

Worth every penny.

How much should we spend?

I'd rather not make it public, if you don't mind.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

It's worth every penny, though.

Every penny of this Italian feast.

So far, pretty much the first course was very similar.

Put it this way.

You could either have had the meal you're having today or done a trip with SpaceX to go to the outer landscape yeah to visit space

but yeah we have tomato mozzarella salad and then now tomato and cheese on the bottom

the bread with a little crispy dojudo which is different it's good I like it so far so good it's a again it's very like

unexpected I like that it is yeah

all right so we're talking about the pepperoni

and I love pepperoni I love pepperoni he looks like a pepperoni I love having the grease come out of my cheeks.

He looks exactly like a pepperoni.

It looks like a pepperoni stick is eating slices of pepperoni.

Yeah.

He really does.

He's very, very.

That's not good for you.

Pepperoni.

He's cheerful.

Pepperoni, it might be the worst thing you could put into your.

But he's happy.

Yeah, he's eating pep.

It's the worst sound.

And that's how you enjoy wine.

Get the fat from the pepperoni in your cheeks

and swish it around.

The grease washes down.

It's a good introduction to wine.

Took introduction to wine.

Yeah.

Wash the grease down your throat.

God damn.

Do you have any questions for me?

Can I fart real quick?

It's free country, dude.

It's a free country, dude.

That's a kid who was trying to steal like you were at 13.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dang.

Pretty cool.

Yeah.

Isn't that cool?

Yeah.

I would not have the audacity to ask to fart, though, to a security guy.

That's pretty wild.

No, I would not do that.

I think he knew that the cop was

pretty forgiving.

Did you ever steal?

Bullshit, you know, like little

items.

Yeah.

Did you get caught?

No, I don't think I ever got caught.

No, I never got caught.

But it wasn't for me.

I wasn't.

Who are you stealing for?

Your gang?

Yeah, some of my brothers in arms, yeah.

Yeah.

Chicks?

I mean, who are you stealing for?

No, it was like the thrill of being a young teen

that kind of thing.

I thought you meant there was a reason.

No, I just was like that same reason where you're like, can I do this?

And you do it on a small level and you're like, I don't want to do this.

Yeah, it doesn't feel good enough.

I feel too guilty.

Yeah.

Nothing significant.

Okay.

Can I far from that?

Jack Squared, your least favorite trans-autistic couple.

In the last video, I said I was Jax one and they were Jax A.

But a bunch of you wondered, well, how can you have the same names?

First of all, we both have J dead names.

I was J when I met them, and they were Jax when they met me.

And I go, Hold the fuck up.

That's the coolest name I've ever heard.

Would it be weird if I started going by Jax too?

And they let me know in less words that no, it wouldn't be weird if we were called the same thing.

It's actually a lot easier to refer to us that way.

We'll change it up every now and then just to make sure that you fucking weirdos out there don't think that there's some sort of power dynamic when I call myself one and them a or them one and me too.

There's no power dynamic.

He's a 30-something year old man and she's 19?

Yeah, I hope.

You fucking weirdos.

You fucking weirdos out there

that don't get it.

Jax 1 and Jax A.

What the fuck?

Yeah, it couldn't be any stranger.

These fucking idiots, dude.

I can't get on board with this stupid shit.

I know.

So just so I understand, because I'm just, I'm tingling with anticipation.

Are we doing main course and dessert?

I believe so that's what it looks like i want to get confirmation okay let me see here

okay

wow look at tanner just fucking working his ass off

hello hi chef tanner um i'm just curious for the two remaining courses is it a main course and a dessert is that what we have left

chef are the two remaining courses a dessert and a main course?

Yes.

Chef says yes.

So, main course is next.

Main course is next, Chef?

Yes.

Can't wait.

Just wanted to know.

Thanks so much.

Are you learning out there?

I'm learning so much.

I learned about shrimp and scallops.

We learned about dyson tomatoes.

It's amazing.

We broke pepper, but that's okay.

That's fine.

We're back in the groove.

Okay.

Thanks.

Thanks, Tanner.

Awesome.

Wow.

To my eyes, I feel like I see more tomatoes and more basil

that Tanner's holding.

Also, it looks like Fancy Chef is maybe on a business call right now.

Okay, I have more tomatoes, but I need this plate for the scallop chef.

Yeah, this is going nowhere.

We've been with him, by the way,

since before we started rolling tomatoes.

His phone does not stop.

It does not stop.

Ringing, dinging, buzzing, just doing anything to let him know that he is wanted, he is desired.

He literally walked in and it rang.

He walked in and he was like, Hello, fancy.

And they were like, Hey, I want to do a thing December 1st.

He tried to, he was like, Where?

They told him.

And he goes, That doesn't exist.

And then they confirmed that it does.

And he was like, Oh, no, you're right.

But it was like, that was fucking crazy.

Do you remember where the place was?

Yes, the Hilton by the airport in Queens, New York.

He's like, There's no such way.

And he was like, Oh, yes, by the Burger King.

I know what's up with that.

Just watching him work, you know.

I like watching him work.

Oh, I do too.

Heat up pan.

Well, he's talking on his phone right now, and Tanner's working, but I do like it when he works.

Yeah, but high-level chefs do this.

They just sit on the sidelines and they tell their sous chefs what to do.

You know what I mean?

I guess.

Not I guess.

Not I guess.

Oh, not I guess.

Sorry.

I don't.

I mean,

look, when I've worked in food service, chefs working just as hard as sous chef.

Okay, okay.

Everyone's working hard.

Here's the thing that you're not fucking understanding here.

That I, I, it's, it's, it's fine to educate you.

Yeah.

Is that you're dealing with a different level of chef here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, yes,

they can get involved if they feel like it, but with somebody, once you've kind of reached a certain tier as a chef, you just go, hey, you guys do that, and you supervise, and you jump in when they fuck up, which today he's clearly having to jump in probably more than he wants to, because I don't think Tanner is, you know, that

experience.

But

don't you dare say that this guy is not.

I'm just, I'm just, I just know what I've seen in kitchens when I worked in restaurants, and I've never seen this dynamic where the chef just takes phone calls.

They usually, it's very hot, very frantic.

Again, they're getting burnt.

Again, you're talking about mid-level chefs.

They're wearing

clogs.

Hey, there's tears to this shit.

There's tears to this shit.

All right.

You know?

In college, there's Division I, two, and three.

Hey, you're right, babe.

I'm sorry.

They only air the big-time games, and those are D1.

And that's what you're dealing dealing with here what's tanner doing he's pushing on oh he's drying off the shrimp i'll tell you that not doing enough

wow but he is i do like that he is

that's the right guy to be working press it down and make sure you get a lot of sweat in that hat too there's a lot of sweat

chef is telling him exactly what's right you're going to change this i like this press that down you're going to change that yeah

i don't think his vision is great

i think you're right i saw him hit a couple walls yeah

it's not He's, we've been right in front of him trying to hand him stuff at the store and he just cannot.

I thought it was a depth perception thing, but it's just, it's a vision issue.

Okay.

All right.

We got to get him and Potter together.

I know.

Just to see, you know, where it goes.

Imagine if we got that, gave them a cooking show.

Fancy Potter.

What does Potter like to eat?

He eats like a bird.

I've been on the road with him, and you're like, you know, he's like,

he'll skip and then have a few bites of something.

He's like one of those guys.

Yeah.

It's not a big time, he's not really into eating.

So funny.

I know.

I'm so into eating.

Not an indulger, not a glutton.

If I remember right in the LA studio, all he would eat was soup.

That was his lunch.

Yeah, a lot of pho.

Soup.

A lot of pho.

And he'd be like mad about it.

He's like, fuck, I have to eat.

Every time, you know, because that's the thing for me on the road is like, we, you know, you're, you're away from home, you get excited about, i guess where we're going tonight and i kind of i flash back to like hey we're going here and he'd be like

i'm like dude this place is gonna be awesome he would barely order anything yeah so i but he smokes and i feel like when i smoked that's how i was really

yeah because your cigarettes dull your sense of taste and they dull your appetite maybe yeah

um yeah i used to eat like one burrito a day when I smoked cigarettes.

I would eat half at lunch and then I would save the other half for dinner.

Wow.

And that's

not enough.

It's not enough.

No.

But that's all I did because I smoked the rest of the day.

Look at them out there.

Now they're back outside.

I wonder if there's a whole group of fans gathered around.

Probably.

Yeah.

They all know he's in jail.

I don't know.

I got hit up a lot by people asking me if they could come watch him work today.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Once we posted a lot of it, people would be like, I don't want to be there.

I'll probably be in Miami.

That's too dangerous.

Yeah.

He needs to focus on the work, not the fans.

So incredible.

Look at him stirring in the pot.

Don't usually do that.

Do you have a dining experience in your life that stands out as like incredible?

I think your birthday or Charo didn't eat any of it.

That was awesome.

That was a lineage.

That was really amazing.

Yeah.

Italy, like every meal we had in Rome was pretty outstanding.

And I'm still marveling at like every meal we had, no matter where, was amazing.

Italians know how to eat.

Yeah.

What about you?

I mean, both of those are huge experiences, like lifetime experiences.

The thing about the Itali trip is that it's so consistent.

It's like anywhere you go, any choice you make, you can't go wrong.

Yeah.

You know, it stands out to me.

Also, when I was in France last,

you know, they also have incredible cuisine.

So good.

So good.

And there's just like restaurants you just make note of.

Oh, I would say the very first time I ever ate at Matsuhisa in Los Angeles.

I was in my 20s, and I was like, oh my God, this is so bad.

So many Los Angeles memories, though.

Like, let's memory lane.

What was the

Speranza?

Oh, yeah.

And we still like that.

It was fun.

What was the place on Vermont?

Dil Capriccio.

Dil Capriccio, yeah.

Rigatoni Norchina, I remember.

It was like, oh, man, the fucking best.

And Mexican, too.

You got a lot of good Mexican spots in there.

Mexican joints.

I feel like that can't be replicated anywhere else in the country.

They don't do Mexican food right.

I think of places that hit me like where I was like, wow, Red in Rochester, New York.

I'm looking forward to going back to Rochester, New York just to eat at Red.

What about that place in Cleveland across from the Clarkson?

It's closed.

I know, and I love that place.

That was Chef Sawyer, I think.

God damn it.

That was like a lineup.

It was right across from Hilarity's.

Really good.

That's a memorable restaurant to me because I would go in there alone on the first night I got there just to order a chicken and sit there by myself and eat it.

It was so, it was just chicken, but it was roasted so well.

You know, that's a sign of, I think, a good place when they can do the simplest things very, very well.

Very well.

Yeah.

Just like one item.

You can't, you can't eat somewhere there's a thousand fucking things on the menu.

It's never good.

Like if you go to a deli and, you know, they've got the pages and pages, you're like, why?

This is a Jewish deli.

There's pastrami, locks, I know, and what, you know, fucking tuna melts.

That's it.

That's really all.

Yeah.

And matzo bowl soup.

I don't like, what was the absolute worst was Barney's Beanery.

Yeah.

Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood had like a 12-page menu and also

12 different styles of cuisine.

So you could get Italian, Greek, Thai,

Indian, American.

And you're like, wait, how do you do all these here in this?

Ugh.

They don't.

There's like one thing.

You get a cheeseburger there.

Yeah, that's what you get.

Fucking cheeseburger.

Yeah.

Well, that's what I've learned from them.

Traveling is don't fuck around with anything

weird.

Just get what that place

is good at.

Don't fucking get it.

It's like when you go to a steakhouse and someone orders the fish or chicken, you're like, you're

doing.

Why did you come here?

Don't go there.

You go there for the specialty.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Exactly.

No, no, no.

What's going on?

Wow.

We're watching them progress.

He is running ragged.

I know.

Can you imagine if we didn't give him tenner today?

He is really running him into the dragon.

I don't see a lot of action here.

I just see a bowl of contestants being made.

He's clapping.

He's talking.

This segment right here is beautiful.

I kind of feel like a natural in this, though, don't I?

In this coach.

Yeah, you should pick up Chef Ree.

Your next thing.

Yeah.

My next thing.

I mean, he did it.

Why can't I do it?

Yeah, you totally can't.

You can't be like Chef Tom.

You go to Culinary School.

Book me now.

I want want you to stop thinking.

Stop thinking, stop thinking.

Book me now.

Pick up that phone.

How long is culinary school?

Hey, guys, go get me four phones this week.

Tom, let's go.

Go to the Cordon Bleu.

Yeah, how long is Culinary?

60 weeks.

No.

So it's just over a year.

Oh, yeah, that's not that crazy.

What did you think it was?

I was like, 60 weeks.

I don't know why that sounds like it.

That's Texas culinary school.

Yeah, no.

You're thinking like 60 years.

Yeah, I was like, oh, my God.

How about in France?

Yeah, the Cordon France.

Les Court d'Anblue.

Yee, that's like a real.

And that one's tough, isn't it?

Isn't that the best?

I don't know.

Oh, my gosh.

Three 10-week terms.

Okay.

Okay.

Nine months to be a grand diploma.

Pastry diploma is nine months.

Intermediate pastry is three months long.

Superior is another three months.

Okay.

But isn't the hard part getting a gig?

Like, you have to become the apprentice, the sous chef, and then work your way up in the kitchen.

You really got to love it, though, if you're going to make that your life.

Yeah, you do.

Especially baking.

Like chef, I think.

You know, the bakery, the baker has the toughest time, right?

Because you have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn and proof the croissants or with the bread.

The pastry chef.

Remember, Backdoor Bakery.

Yeah.

Silverlake.

People know.

If you know, you know, back in the day, early 2000s.

Yeah.

And that lady was the baker.

And I remember I flew with her one time.

We just randomly were at the airport together.

And I was like, I love going there.

And she was like, yeah, it's fucking killing me.

The schedule.

And then one day it was just closed.

Yeah.

Broke my little heart.

Broke my little fat heart.

I know.

You know what a lot of people don't know about restaurants?

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself.

Just tell me if I've told this story.

Well, the amount of roaches and filth and rats.

Nice.

This is a nice spin.

Thank you for pivoting into this.

That's so true.

That just naturally occur.

I mean, I've worked in a fancy French restaurant.

I've worked in an Indian restaurant.

Yep.

Starbucks.

Starbucks was probably the only one that didn't have roaches.

Well, I'll tell you this.

When you get into high-level Michelin star places, the one thing you find so consistent in them is that they are impeccably clean.

You don't find any of them.

You don't think so in the back and the subs?

No, of course not.

You're thinking of like the kind of restaurants that you'd frequent on a regular basis.

Raw people restaurants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Michelin stir.

Fancy chef restaurants?

No.

No.

No.

No.

I remember when

I worked at this Indian restaurant in Los Angeles, and I had to scoop the mango chutney and put it in these little plastic

to-go

containers.

Tom.

Tom.

Yeah.

You haven't lived and experienced the dregs of life until you've scooped mango chutney in a dirty fucking bin

in the back of the restaurant.

Yeah, and there's like, oh, so smelly.

And then their alugo b you know, the cauliflower would come in with just chunks of rot on it, like parts that were bad, and they cut off the rotten bits and then make the alugo bee with the rest of it.

And I used to eat at that Indian restaurant until I worked there.

Never again.

Thank you.

It's a really popular one, too.

Why did you make this your sidebar?

Why?

Because I think that people need to know how hard it is to work in this industry.

That had nothing to do with that.

It was a industry and how gross it is.

That wasn't the thing.

Wasn't.

It was so.

I bet we have a lot of people who work in this industry listening to this.

It looks like, look, they're making progress.

Chef is dealing with, I believe, scallops right now.

Oh, wow.

It's taking it off.

Yeah.

They usually brown up within, you you know, two minutes.

We're done.

So his timing is very interesting.

I'm just saying.

Usually

it looks from this angle it looks

perfect.

So it has the colours.

But I'm saying the timing of the pasta and the scallops.

That's beautiful.

That's the colour.

Wow, look at that.

Look at that color.

You see that butter?

Very dark.

I need to see these scallops.

Dark, deep brown.

Yeah.

Yeah, Chef.

Yeah, perfect.

Usually you don't eat them that dark.

Usually they're not that dark, but this isn't different.

It's toasted to perfection.

That is really good.

but i am glad to see that he is cooking the scallops through that was one of my concerns already

hot rag

that's your choice i was ready to go either way now i'm gonna show you now huh that's a dog this is what we do yeah this is what we do including a little more butter on them

yeah i mean this is what people do and they're sort of thing

what's the shittiest job you've ever had that had the best perks

That had actual perks.

Because every crappy job that I've had, there is always a perk.

I'll give you a for instance.

Okay.

I used to work in the parking booth at my school, University of San Francisco.

I gave out parking, and then I just hooked my friends up with free parking permits, or I'd get to smoke cigarettes or smoke pot in the booth.

Yeah.

And that was really cool.

Of course, Starbucks employees, summer of 1997, all the Madelines and coffee I could eat, even though you're only allowed one drink per shift, I would still steal them throughout the day.

Cool.

I lost like 20 pounds that summer, got super thin.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, because I didn't eat all day.

I just got jacked on coffee.

Yeah, I mean, when I worked in restaurants, Chibo, and there was that pizza place on Riverside Drive.

I forget the name of, I mean, it was obviously food.

So like you could just...

Food's good.

And the chefs, especially like at Chibo on Sunset, is you're working your shift and they're like, what do you want?

And you kind of can go, make this, but like modify it.

Throw this in there instead.

Throw the spice in there.

Like Like you could just, and they would just do it for you so that you'd get like the exact issue.

So that was a perk.

Another one, it's also food-related.

When I worked as a site rep, remember when I worked out in Hollywood?

The owner of that company just liked me.

And sometimes he would just be like, oh,

come meet my girlfriend and I at this restaurant.

And I would just have dinner with him.

Oh, that's good.

So he was just a nice guy like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then we would, you know, get into, he's like, oh, come in my bathtub.

And I'd be like, all right.

You know, foot rub, massage rub.

Yeah, I mean, I was always a terrible employee, but I always made friends with people.

I think that's what kept me around a lot of jobs before I did this for a living, that's for sure.

Oh, and then he's pulled out the stainless steel.

You know what's also interesting

is

the decision to wait to start.

Yeah,

that's taking a while.

Yeah, like a lot of chefs would have been like, huh, that hot thing.

I'll be honest with you.

If you taste that, when I tell you that you're not going to be a little bit prepping that remarkable, that's beautiful.

Oh, wow.

That's something divine.

When I tell you, beautiful and nice.

When I tell you that that is divine, if I took one of those out of that pan, that wouldn't melt.

Well, and interesting, Tom, too,

if you worked in food service, you know that the timing

of the plates is very important.

When you work in a restaurant, you want to get that appetizer order in, and then when they're halfway done with the appetizer, you put the order in of the entree so that the timing is correct.

Now, I will say the timing on this is taking a bit

longer than we expected here.

Longer than I like.

Yeah.

Interesting.

If we were in a restaurant, I'd be a little upset

at this point, don't you think?

Oh, there's a nice, huge spoonful of butter that goes in there.

And a second one.

Good job.

There's a lot of butter on there.

Extraordinary amount of butter.

It's very expensive French butter, by the way.

That can, that, that, that can.

Is there going to be olive oil on top of the butter?

Is that what we're doing?

That's going to be beautiful.

That's going to be cool.

Okay, good.

Olive oil.

Now, what do we add?

And butter.

Olive oil, chef.

Give me butter?

Add butter?

We added butter, chef.

We just added butter.

See somebody more butter chef.

That's okay.

Give me that wine.

I feel sick.

A third spoonful of butter.

Chef with the wine, the champagne, pan.

This is never done before.

I've never done this before.

But because I'm so greedy,

Tom, I'm going to let you try.

Well, I'm not going to think I was.

Oh, you won.

No, dude.

Okay, open that up.

Are you calling Tanna?

I'm going to wait.

I know he's in the

bottom.

Oh, he's opening a bottle, Tanna.

Is that the pairing?

No, the chef is probably having him pour.

Oh, he does not open it.

Please don't tell me he's going to put the scallops in the butter and the oil.

It's already been in the butter and the oil.

There's more oil.

Oh, my God.

He's going to start a grease fire.

This is vile.

Don't you dare say that.

I mean, I'm sorry.

This is experimental and fresh.

What the fuck is he going to fry in there?

Three different oils?

Hello?

Hi.

So, such an interesting choice to see the three spoonfuls of butter and olive oil.

So we went with butter and olive oil, correct?

Yeah.

And why did you do that?

Well, I did it because we create the flavor.

What kind of flavor?

Oh, I can't tell you the flavor.

I can't tell you the flavor.

Salt and pepper, chef.

Here's pepper, chef.

Okay.

Salt and pepper.

And here's the salt, chef?

The shrimp is right here, chef.

Salt and pepper, that's swimming.

Yeah, chef.

Oh, you okay, yeah, you have to do it.

I got it.

Did you realize you'd be working this much?

And so the scallops, are those good to go?

It looks like those are cooked.

They're very brown.

Are the scallops good to go?

Yes.

Even

don't talk.

Don't talk to it.

Okay.

Time for the shrimp are coming in.

Tanner, has the pasta already been cooked?

The pasta's been cooked.

Red cretch?

Good, yes.

Yes.

Put one in?

Just one.

Just one.

Just one at a time.

Are you joking?

That's what you're looking for.

I asked him to put one in.

That's what you look for.

You're looking for that sit.

Now I know the rest of the total.

Although I knew already because I've been doing it a long time.

Adam Olin.

Adam Olen.

Okay, I'll let you go.

I'll let you go.

Go do your work.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I really hope that he's taken the tails off and devained and cleaned

the shrimps.

Why?

What are you talking about?

Not yet, Chef.

Add them all at one time because you want them to cook the internet.

Yeah, I'm not sure which kitchens he's worked in before.

This is not an efficient way to cook.

This is interesting.

I've never seen somebody do it piece by piece by piece by piece by piece.

Wow, there you go, right there.

Tanner looks terrified.

He looks so scared.

Yeah, he lost.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Tanner, not in the pan.

Just don't take no time.

Did we have any phone coming?

Wine, Chef.

Tom, you're definitely eating.

Oh, here comes the wine.

Oh, it's not yet.

Get me the heavy cream.

Get me the wine.

So the scallops are cooked.

Okay.

Not yet.

Okay.

Nope.

The wine goes back to.

That's cool.

Beautiful.

Wow.

This takes no time.

And Chef is so comfortable on mic and on camera.

I think from all his Instagrams.

Like, look at him.

Right now he's talking to our

remote camera out there.

Oh, there's heavy creamer.

Heavy creamer.

Heavy creamer.

Fuck.

And did he bread the shrimp too?

Unbreaded shrimp creamer?

No.

Wow.

Ah, shit.

This is tummy.

This is all the stuff that gives you diarrhea.

This is literally the stuff that...

Priest.

Well,

it makes you sick.

Certain days, you've just got to kind of go for it, I think.

And the marriage that I'm going to create is going to be like this.

This is the longest meal I've ever seen prepped.

I know.

Especially seafood cooks up pretty quickly.

It does.

I don't think those shrimp are ready, though.

Fuck no.

But the scallops are nice and cool,

which is what you like, right?

Cold scallops.

I do love cold scallops.

Letting them cool there.

You don't want that food hot.

You don't want seafood hot.

Sausage chef food.

You like it to cool up.

Rim ten.

Okay, so you're going to take that sausage.

It is true.

Wow, I'm really excited for this.

I've really.

I want to.

I'm interested to see if I immediately get sick.

Like what the what the fuck is Tanner opening now?

There's more?

More.

Yes, chef.

I hope it's not more seafood.

And I hope he cleans whatever the fuck is this.

That's a shrimp.

Tanner's open.

This is meat now.

Your family's going to go in.

Nope.

The chef is excited.

Saussages?

I think it's some Italian sausage.

Okay, that could be good, but there's already so much oil and gutters.

How's it going out there, Zola?

It smells incredible.

It does.

Well, there's an extraordinary amount of butter and oil being used.

And now fat from the sausage.

And the sausage is really heavy, hearty.

It's very, yeah, this is very fatty.

Very, very fatty.

Hearty for it's 100 degrees outside.

And we haven't started prepping for dessert, which is another interesting choice.

And I sure hope that is a quick dessert because if he chooses to do a souffle,

he'll be here for another hour.

Yeah, we can't do that.

I have to get going, you know.

Same.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

His timing doesn't seem to be Chef's strong point right now.

Or is it part of the experience?

That's the thing is with these guys, you never know.

If it's like, oh, no, I wanted you to exactly wait that amount of time.

I remember when we were at Elinia, a similar kind of moment happened where it was like, why are you bringing us downstairs to the kitchen?

Right.

And then we have the shrimp down there, and we go back, and the whole setting is so it's like playing with your senses.

And he might be doing something similar.

Possibly, Tom.

Possibly.

At the grocery store, Chef mentioned that you cannot rush perfection.

Okay.

I mean, it's kind of hard to argue with.

Although,

now I do love in terms of dining.

I am partial to more trashier, obviously.

I love a Sizzler.

We don't have them anymore, right?

I don't think they exist, Sizzler.

I don't know if, I mean, I think they exist, but there's can't be more locations.

There's got to be less.

Spaghetti Factory back in L.A.

Did you ever go to the Spaghetti Factory, any, and Josh, back in the day?

No, that was a good one.

I don't don't think so.

Okay.

Yeah, that was a good classic.

Wow.

So the shrimp is cooked.

They're cooking.

So some people asked.

Scallops are totally done, like you said, probably 15 to 20 minutes ago.

It turns pink.

That shrimp is cooked.

Pasta was done long before that, too.

It's good.

What you want to do is space them out, is usually what the.

Right, when you're making a dish, space everything out that's going to be in the dish.

Pasta only tastes better when it sits in its own water.

Get that pasta ready.

You know, you want that.

Okay.

And then, what happens?

What about the sausage rolls that he's doing?

Oh, here comes the heavy sausage.

Whisk's coming, Chef.

I've never seen Standersoff running again.

He's having him go get more things.

Okay.

Talking about combining what he does here.

Oh, no, please.

They're going to come together.

Ceremony.

They're going to hug each other.

The whisk.

Come on.

Swiss chef.

Okay, here you go, Chef.

Okay,

good.

Take this.

okay.

No, no,

oh god.

That is so much butter and oil and grease.

There you go.

Here's the whisk.

Just hold it.

Pesto chef.

Pesto.

Put it down.

Give me the

heavy cream.

Yeah.

It's really.

That's a good sit, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't open up that one.

I have so many questions.

This is going to be miraculous.

This is going to be a success.

I got the pesto chef.

Okay, good.

Okay.

Give me the heavy cheese.

These are sausages.

Canned pesto.

Canned pesto.

You know what's interesting is that he had mentioned how much you have to have fresh ingredients.

Yeah.

He's like, you go for canned or whatever.

And it's a no.

But then he doubles back and he uses it.

And it's, again, it's that unpredictable nature of geniuses that you just need to do.

And that's true.

A lot of chefs will make pesto

by hand because it's fairly simple, but not him.

He's saving time to focus on what counts.

Yeah.

Which is interesting because he doesn't take into account his feet.

He just says, I don't have time.

This is the flavor that I was going to say.

Oh, and now we're pouring the heavy cream in the oil, in the butter.

Wow.

What is that?

What popped?

I think it just went out, Chef.

This is

going to go out.

What's going to go in the heavy cream?

Tom, what are you thinking?

Oh, the burner's out.

Is that what's happening?

Tanner's got to light it again.

Oh, dear.

Technical issues.

Okay.

Here we go.

Heavy creamer.

He's like, put that down.

give me another one.

So, this is going to give you another heavy creamer.

Also, with heavy cream, you don't want to let it curdle or burn too fast.

It gets thick pretty dang quick there.

Okay.

I'll make that entire other

carton of heavy creamer.

I got to tell you, Tom, in our home, I go through a tiny container of that creamer in about a month.

A month to use up that much creamer.

You're going to make it a little bit more difficult.

Okay, we're risking now.

That's a lot.

Nope, not yet.

Oh, is he going to make a bechamel?

Oh, not yet.

Maybe this is a bechamel.

So what you're going to do is you're going to give me that pesto.

Pesto shout out.

I know we haven't used the wine yet.

The sausages are still raw sitting behind him.

There's a canned pesto.

It's going into the heavy creamer.

Oh.

Give it a little smack, and it'll come out in clumps, exactly how they tell you to do it

in culinary school.

This is extraordinary to watch in real time.

Extraordinary.

Yeah, normally you don't see people put jarred pesto into containers.

He's going to say, you know, I don't want to waste my time.

That's another thing.

I have to say, I respect how he doesn't waste his time.

Sure.

He doesn't waste his time with the bullshit.

Hey, I'm going to get a food processor and, you know, spend, like, get all these things together fresh and give you, like, also, I can just open a can.

Sure.

Yeah, why chop the garlic?

You can just buy it and

it's oil-soaked.

Pre-made salad mixes, also.

Pre-made salad mix.

That's great.

I I mean,

I think he told me this is something he's never done before, which I'm excited to try something that's never been done.

That is really special.

Well, I wish you would have practiced because

get hungry.

So, I told y'all

in the beginning about this.

Okay, so Tanner's like, where's

uh-oh, what a Tanner is.

There you go.

Red and white.

He now looks like a cartoon character.

He is frantic.

He really is.

He got white.

So I'm seeing it's like a light green cream sauce.

It looks like the wind is picking up out there, too.

Chef is just

in a minute,

absolutely crushing it, though.

I got the tomato chef, though.

Here you go, Chef.

More tomatoes.

We've seen tomatoes in the first and second course, so this is interesting.

More tomatoes.

Tomatoes are so versatile.

You don't just limit yourself.

I broke a bowl, Chef.

Okay.

And again, are we going to ever touch the battle?

Did

get them into little balls ready to go.

Interesting, Tom, too.

This is an Italian feast.

I don't recall eating anything like this in Italy.

I never, ever had anything like this.

Just Spanish for delicious.

This is very interesting.

Yeah.

It's a ton of salt.

Just the.

I mean, he's cooking for an entire army.

Maybe he's cooking for the airlines in his mind.

Here is fighting.

Oh, fuck.

There's more oil in the cream.

Oh, that's wine.

Okay, thank God.

Fuck.

Oh, my God, dude.

What?

Okay, good.

I've never seen anybody do that in a cream.

He did say it was going to be pink.

Do you remember that?

Oh, right.

One of our first conversations was where he goes, what do I do?

But that's green and white.

Oh, hold up, ladies and gentlemen.

Beautiful.

Let me quiet.

A bottle of red wine.

Beautiful.

Butter.

Butter.

This has been never been done before.

Don't tell me you don't smell another bottle of wine here.

Okay.

Is that champagne?

I think that's champagne though.

Stop.

Champagne.

Anyway,

They can smell this red.

Red is bold.

He said he's doing things he's doing.

I might get ripped after.

Oh, damn.

Don't worry about it.

Should we have some?

No, we can't have them.

Okay.

Okay.

How much champagne are we going to pour in, Jeff?

Oh my god, I feel sick already.

It's never been done before.

Oh, I'm ill.

He already put in an entire bottle

red wine.

And now there's an entire half a bottle of champagne.

Yeah, got it.

Let me get that back.

Let me get that squist back.

Yes, Chef.

Okay, we're almost done, ladies and gentlemen.

We're to the end.

Oh, he doesn't need to.

Yeah, to the end.

Smell at?

What are you going to push?

Ladies and gentlemen, do y'all smell it?

Yes, chef.

I mean, I cook

a lot.

I love to cook.

You know what sounds good, right?

I've never seen this.

The original New York strip he was proposing with the

fucking A, right?

Salt, the roasted potatoes.

Right.

Pretty straightforward American cuisine.

But he's going Italian.

He wanted seafood.

I think he also was playing a trick on me.

He knew how to make his client

surprise not the less

By fulfilling his original request.

I never did it before.

Because I'm so amazing, I'm so uncomfortable.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

Okay, give me that.

Give me the pampo.

Should we take a break and pee?

Okay.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Okay, so this is

first done before.

Bring it here.

Would you please?

Let me finish it.

Yes, sir.

Bring it here.

This has never been done before.

Never been done.

Never been done before.

I've never done it.

I never practice it.

Why would I when I know about flavor I know about flavor I love why would I do that okay so

what this is

this is the John Segura

the John Segura okay special wow so we added champagne we added red wine we woke we woke it up

That's infused with flavor.

God, I cannot wait.

Flavor, flavor.

Okay, so you don't want to chop basil up too much because these have oils.

And if you chop them up on the board, you'll want the oils to get saturated in the bowl.

I mean, in the cutting board.

So that's why all we do is pick these.

And that's really the absolute way to do herbs.

Okay?

Bonapetite.

Thanks so much.

Wow.

Chef, as we prepare for this tasting, would you mind joining us again here in the seat?

Oh, I will.

Sure.

Okay.

Great.

Absolutely.

That looks like anything.

Amazing.

Yeah, please.

So we have scallops, you have shrimp.

Wow.

You have wine, red, and champagne

incorporated together.

Wow.

So you have red wine and champagne.

I did.

Oh, that's awesome.

Thank you.

I did do both.

Thank you, Josh.

And that was the kick in terms of what I never did before is the champagne and the wine together.

That's a wonderful idea.

Oh, so extraordinary looking.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Bring me the lemon.

I'm sorry.

You can can stay here.

They'll get it.

They'll get it.

They'll get it.

Okay.

Wow.

We were watching you.

You know, like I said, we're big foodies.

We watch all the chef shows.

We obviously watch your Instagram all the time.

And watching you work out there was a real treat.

And we've just been salivating, fighting over who gets the first bite.

Here's your lemon chef.

Oh, could you give it back to me?

I swear.

I'm just going to change it a bit.

Sure.

Yep.

Perfect.

Wow.

And the phone keeps ringing.

Yeah.

And the seasoning keeps coming.

That is so beautifully done.

Nice work.

Masterfully applied.

Wow.

Here, let me help you with that.

Don't get your sleeves messy.

This is amazing.

Now, how many bookings have you made since you've been with us this afternoon?

Oh, too many.

This is hard to keep up.

It really is.

This is such a treat.

We have been going back and forth on who gets the first bite.

I'll tell you what, that's how you can make it even.

Oh, tell me.

You take your fork and she take hers.

You get one side, he get the other side.

Oh, that's so nice.

What a lovely idea.

Like a family.

Lady and the tramp.

That is a lovely idea.

Well, look at that.

Here's two forks.

Perfect.

Cheers.

What are you going to dive into first, Tom?

God, I want it all.

I think maybe one of these scallops.

looks very well.

Can't go wrong.

And you know what?

I'll do the shrimp because those look incredible.

And I just love your seasoning that you put on there.

There we go.

Cheers.

I got some of that sauce because this is really the money maker.

And also, I just

if you don't mind, I would really love

no interruptions as we do this.

No interruptions at all.

Yeah, I just, I really like to concentrate on what I'm

your flavors and such.

I don't want to beat you to it.

Cheers.

Okay.

So y'all have y'all own dish.

Wow.

The John Segura.

Cooked to perfection.

Oh, why are you doing that?

You prank?

I mean,

I will say,

you know,

and this is no shit.

I've been to

Alinea in Chicago.

I've been to Zen in Singapore.

And I've been to Latier in Paris.

That's the best thing I've ever had in my entire life.

Wow.

Without a doubt.

I appreciate that.

Amazing.

You know, that's,

I really don't know how you did it.

That was really extraordinary.

I think as a treat, I'm going to go ahead and normally I wouldn't do this.

I'm going to share with the staff.

So I'm going to allow everybody here to have some of this too.

So go ahead and get bowls and plates and you guys can give it a try and enjoy.

Here you go, Tanner.

Yeah, I don't want to just hog it all to myself.

You know what I mean?

No, and especially, Tanner, you worked so hard on this.

You should definitely have the first bite.

Yeah, you can have an extra serving for yourself.

Thank you.

The sauce is incredible.

That sauce is just.

I don't know how you did it.

Oh.

So in the moment, you decided, or did you pre-plan the champagne, the wine, the butter, the olive oil, the heavy cream?

How did you come up with that?

Was that just inspiration or is that?

it was inspiration?

It was something I wanted to present that was never been done before.

I get bored quick.

I get that.

I do get bored quick.

So when I get bored quick, is that a potential client?

Yeah, I think so.

Hello, how can I help you?

Chef speaking.

Is this your chef?

It is.

I can help you.

Do you come to Ohio?

I do.

Anywhere in the world.

Are you going to European next month?

I do.

What about on the 25th?

of October?

Yeah.

Okay, how many people?

Uh, it'll be six of us.

Any allergies?

Uh, turkey.

Okay, minimal or extensive?

Uh, minimal.

Expensive or inexpensive?

Uh, you can make it expensive.

Okay.

Uh,

venue.

Uh, it'll be at a house.

Mansion?

No.

I can't do it.

That was fucking

unbelievable.

I loved watching that.

That was so great.

This guy tried to book you.

Wow.

And as soon as it was clear that he wasn't in a mansion, you were like, it's over.

You just hung up on him.

Well, I'll tell you why.

A lot of people ask the question and they wonder.

I've been in tight kitchens with a lot of chefs.

Normally in the chef on the line, you have broils, saute,

fry, garmagé.

So you have normal chefs in the kitchen.

And if the kitchen isn't big enough, the two things that is implemented is safety and cleanliness.

Yes.

So if it's too tight and you got a knife,

not safe, you're in trouble.

It's not safe.

And it gets dirty.

And it gets dirty.

So when there's room with the expansion of the room,

there's room there so everybody have space.

Makes sense.

So you heard it here from the chef.

If you don't have a mansion, don't even bother calling.

Like, just don't call.

He doesn't have time for your bullshit.

Did any of you get a chance to try?

I'm eating some of the shrimp right now.

It is incredible.

Yes.

It's unbelievable.

That's important.

You don't want the room on the space.

And a lot of times people want to video record.

And I don't make that an exception.

You know, so it's okay, but you can't do it in a tight space.

Right.

You need to.

I could barely move.

How could you move and see anything?

I love it.

You know know what I loved about my bite of shrimp is the tang.

You felt the pop from.

Well, there was that last moment application of three lemons that I think heightened it so much.

But it really brought out the champagne.

I tasted the champagne.

I tasted the wine.

You taste the wine.

You taste the heavy creamer.

You taste the butter.

You taste the button.

And the pesto.

I forgot there was pesto, right?

Yeah, I can't do it.

I mean,

there's a, without that way, you know, another thing in the kitchen that's important is your timing.

So, if you come to order, right, the two of you come as guests, yep, yep, you don't want to wait 20 minutes before no, who would want to wait exactly.

So, what you have to do is you have to generate a system of speed.

So, instead of taking time to

which pesto consists of basil,

olive oil, parmesan cheese, pine nuts.

It's a lot of time.

So, with those ingredients,

you don't want to miss

it.

And you save time with it.

Right.

This is such an extraordinary learning experience.

A real treat to everybody here.

I mean, obviously, our staff was very excited.

They all got dressed up.

They're all like, I think some of them, I know, I actually want to take some of that sauce home in a cup and just drink it like it's a Gatorade or something.

That's how good that was.

It was so delicious.

Very rich, very layered, great flavor.

Just to recap,

plate of strawberries that were, did you pick those out today?

They were unbelievable.

and i felt like it was so nice to have the fancy chef strawberry experience then we went to the uh tomato and mozzarella slarberata slice was that bruschetta bruschetta

uh and then oh right then the the bread after that with the the the the sauteed prosciutto which was such an extraordinary choice and then that that seafood pasta dish really brought it home i cannot wait to go eat some more of this.

So good.

If you're out there, don't forget to follow Fancy Chef.

Fancy Chef, is it 13?

Yeah, Fancy underscore Chef underscore 2013.

Underscore 2013.

And a unique name for a unique chef.

And you're still blowing up.

Of course,

if you want to try to book chef, you have a favorite of your, you have multiple phone numbers.

Do you have a favorite number of those three that are usually pasta?

You do do you want to tell them which one it is five seven zero six zero four three eight six eight you knew it he knew it he said the five seven zero is his favorite

and if you if you call be ready to write a big check but that's how you live luxuriously and

um if you don't have a mansion or a yacht you know maybe wait a few years cancel yeah don't call don't call

uh chef i don't know this was such a treat thank you for coming in today we were so glad you came in.

We're not done.

We're not done.

We got dessert.

I got a special moose.

There's a moose here?

Really?

Look at the animal.

I want to make a

strawberry moose dessert.

Is it good to go?

Are we ready for it?

Not yet.

Not yet.

Okay.

A couple of minutes.

Okay.

I'll make sure it don't take long.

Okay.

All right, guys.

Okay.

Ready for it?

Watch your head, watch your head, watch your head, watch your head.

Walk around.

Guys, guys, guys, walk him out.

Chef, so so excited for the final

touch here.

Wow, look at this.

Yeah, that's the final touch.

That's the last of it.

This is a champagne flute.

What is in there exactly?

So I made a mousse.

You made a mousse?

Wow.

So we have a strawberry mousse, fresh strawberries,

cream cheese, sugar.

Champagne.

It looks amazing.

It looks amazing.

Wow.

So that's a cigora.

This is cigora right here.

Look at this.

The John Segura dish and the cigura dessert.

Wow, it smells extraordinary.

I've never done that before neither.

You've never done this before.

I always wanted to fool me.

Something new to whatever I do and

make it outstanding, one of a con.

It is really the best to do.

I don't like to repeat dishes.

Yeah, because

it gets boring.

This looks amazing.

Well, from all of us to you, first, thank you for this incredible experience.

Nope.

Nope.

Wrong, stop talking.

What?

Thank you to all of you.

Y'all have been amazing to me.

I declare, y'all really have.

Thanks, man.

It's been amazing.

I appreciate it greatly.

My first podcast, Cooker Podcast,

it's a banger.

It is a banger.

It was fun.

We had a blast.

It was.

And hopefully we can have you back sometime.

I know that it's going to be a lot of people hitting you up to do their shows, but you'll remember the first one you ever did.

You know, it's like your first love.

It is.

You'll never forget.

Never.

And I'm never going to forget today.

There's so much to continue eating, and so we're gonna leave you now.

But thank you for watching.

Thank you for listening and joining us.

And we will see you again soon.

Don't forget, Fancy Chef, hit him up, book them, man.

Book them.

Don't sleep.

Book them.

Beautiful and nice.

Beautiful and nice.

Beautiful and nice.

Beautiful and nice.

Thanks.

Thanks, Rich.

Don't be poor.

Not at all.

Bye.

Thanks.

Bye.

All right, man.

Very good.

Very good.

Thanks, Chef.

Appreciate it.

That was amazing.

He was great.

That was great.

Dirty, son of a.

I think it's Charlie Honeyjohn.

Woo!

Yeah, that was Charlie.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Catch a passenger!

Catch a passenger, catch a passenger, get your passenger.

Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch.

Alright, you're feeling good.

Come, hurry up.

Is that Charlie?

Is that Charlie?

Come down later for Moose,

come down later for Mooseup.

Come down later for Mooseu.

Come down later for Mooseup.

Come down later for Mooseu, come down later for Mooseu.

Hey, you just watched an episode of your mom's house.

I hope you enjoyed it.

And if not,

watch another one.

Maybe you'll like that one.

They're everywhere.

Look, I don't know.

You place them in like cubes or squares or whatever this is.

Just click another one.

Maybe you'll find one you like.

Or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that.

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