Is This Weird? w/ Rob Iler | YMH Ep. 779

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I'm mate.

Welcome to another episode of your mom's house.

My mom says my mom.

Do it.

No.

No.

Nay.

Night.

That's been a new one in the cigarette house is the Australian.

Night.

Night.

It's terrible.

The night.

How you going?

Night.

Yeah, I'm so tired.

I've been like...

The kids have been waking me up and you've been waking me up snoring so bad.

The fucking balls on this broad.

So bad.

The fucking balls on this broad yeah i've been going to sleep every night and every fucking night you

have been snoring

like a donkey and you know what ends up happening i just go well you know just let her do it i have cancer time exactly i can do whatever i want i've licensed still here goes the cancer shit

so yeah i i'm sitting here with my invisalign shit and I still keep my mouth shut and I go, let her do it.

And then

I fall asleep and then I'll be like, I'll hear, Tom, hey.

And I'm like, huh,

and you're like, you're snoring.

And I'm like, you're fucking snoring.

And you're like,

yeah, I'm like, Jesus, you snore.

Yeah, I laughed.

And then you're like, turn over, do something, move.

I'm like, okay.

Like, I've been dealing with your shit, your bullshit snores for months now.

So what?

I've just said.

Did you laugh when I said it to you?

I I laugh, yeah, because you're like, you snore.

Because that's how my mother used to.

Oh, everybody, hold on.

Tom's putting chapstick on with his mouth open again.

Where you really get those corners moistened, huh?

Lubricated.

It's a proper way to put it on.

Do you like the smell of this chapstick?

No, I don't like this one at all.

It smells terrible.

I just want to have, you know.

Let me hook you up, hook you up.

There's better flaves in the world.

Okay.

I have to sleep on my back because of my fake tits, sweetie.

They're healing stuff.

Yeah.

But I do feel like I get a cancer pass for like a year.

You have to be much nicer to me.

Can I tell you a secret now that we're past it?

What?

It's almost as bad as pump.

Are you about to say putting holes in the guess what?

I didn't have cancer.

I didn't have cancer this whole time.

That's awesome.

As putting holes in the wall for the hamster.

Yeah.

The day that I got my biopsy, the nurses were joking and they were like, you should tell him it was really worse than it was that he treats you nicely.

And I was like, I think I'm going to try that.

I totally faked that it was bigger than it was.

To get you to be nicer to me.

They did punch a hole in my tit and there was blood everywhere.

That's true.

You told a very dramatic story.

I remember.

Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Because I did ram it up.

Let me ask you, how did I respond?

No, first you were like, can you drop me off at the office?

after your biopsy and I was like no I have a hole in my tit and I'm high on Xanax I can't drive you anywhere okay but then

and then you're like okay yeah okay and then you were nice to me okay you were super nice to me so intended goal achieved yeah

yeah you told it like a harrowing tale you were like they were supposed to just make this they told me it was going to be a small incision and it ended up being just so much bigger and there was so much blood there was blood on the floor blood was shooting out it's true though that part's true there was blood everywhere that's the truth truth though you're like it's way way more intense than than they would describe i think it was it was just they didn't expect it to be the way it was i was like oh wow

it was fun to fuck with you i was so high on xanax that

it probably should have been more traumatic than i felt and then the

nurses

together were like

you should do they're like you should tall at mecham you know how women talk

at mac hum you got you You should back up to stuff that you bought.

Yeah.

It's like when you get your makeup done for a TV show and they're like, your husband should tech out, you look hot, but you don't.

Because in real life, you look crazy.

He's like a

psycho.

You look like a whore.

A clown whore.

So anyway, I did lie to you a little bit.

I embellished.

I believe it's a little bit.

Just so you know, I'm not embellishing about your snoring.

It is intense.

How loud is it?

It sounds like a fucking grown man, like a trucker.

Don't lie.

Taking a nap.

Why don't you record it?

Yeah.

Record it.

Okay, I'll record it.

Yeah, you know technology.

Yeah, I know how to press record.

Yeah, I'll do it.

Do it.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

And then I'll surprise you on the show.

What should I do?

Take my mouth shut again?

No,

just do it.

All right.

Just do your thing.

I'll deal with it.

All right.

I'll deal.

Would you like to open the show?

Ready to get to have some fun today?

Ready to have a good time?

I'm ready to have a good time.

You ready to?

Yeah.

Yeah.

To do do our thing?

Hold on.

YouTube is trying to fuck our shit.

Fuck that.

We got to do that.

Feel me?

Yeah.

She's right.

You're trying to fuck our shit still?

Always.

It's just a whole thing.

The whole world's changed with them.

You know, and meanwhile, some guy that puts his finger in his butt and nares his asshole.

That's fine.

He's fine.

My kid can go see him do that stuff.

He's like, ah, this makes me look bigger when I trim my dick like this.

Unreal.

Okay.

It's on YouTube.

Yeah, it's fine.

Don't let your kids on YouTube,

anyway.

Yeah, let's do something nice.

How about a nice way to open the show?

Okay, yeah.

Are you a bitch

that loves seeing a nigga

check his dick off

when I'm exhausted

and tired from doing the act?

Will you love the finale?

Me of

busting my con in your mouth.

This shit is a big time.

Oh,

don't bring anyone mother to this.

Wow.

Wow.

Get opener.

Christina.

This is intense.

What part?

Welcome to your mom's house.

I think the most menacing part is just the stare.

It's so fucking dialed up.

yeah

can I write stuff down give me your pen

that chefs smells bad yeah it smells like um medicine

Are you a bitch?

Yes.

Yeah.

See, the thing is, I hadn't considered his offer.

I hadn't considered this as an option.

And then his conviction and his level of certitude.

Yeah.

I might be on board with watching him do this.

But I don't want to.

Seriously, I never would have imagined 100 years that this was going to go to this.

Really?

I don't like the use of the N-word.

I don't want it.

Okay.

But let's play it again because I want to make sure I know what the offer is.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'm pretty confused by it, too.

Here, let's go back to it.

Are you a bitch?

Yes.

That loves seeing a nigga

jack his dick off

when I'm exhausted.

He's exhausted.

And tired from doing the acts.

From jacking off.

That's what he's saying.

Will you love the finale?

Not a blink yet.

Me of, wow, busting my calm in your mouth.

I don't want it in my mouth.

Where do you want it?

Anywhere else.

Anywhere else?

Anywhere else.

Forehead?

No.

Well, that's what you said anywhere else.

I'm just thinking, like, it's so intense.

Yeah, this dude is on the verge.

I mean, he is.

This kind of gives you, you know, this is good for women to see.

This is a level that all men get to.

We don't always articulate it, but this is, we're all,

we're all possible.

It's all possible.

Like, men always have a hum, right?

Of like,

I need to come.

And it just stays there.

And then if you let enough time pass and you arouse a guy enough and he's denied so many, then he just gets to like, do you want to see me jack off

in your mouth?

Like, every guy can see this on some level and go, well, I've been there.

I mean, I didn't make a video.

I didn't make the video, but I've been there.

Because we've all seen many a frenzied horny man.

Yeah, yeah.

This is a

contained,

but it's contained erotic rage, right?

That's what it is.

It is.

He's not screaming, but his dick is.

Like, he's about to fucking.

He's at a 20.

Yeah.

If he doesn't come right now with somebody else.

And here's the thing.

What I find interesting is that we always tell women, you know, or tell people, men, women don't like this.

But here's what's interesting, audience.

This video played, and the woman in the room was like, I wouldn't mind watching this.

So it just shows you that when you have conviction and when you really have drive, there is somebody who's willing to say yes.

Well, I think only because his level of salesmanship and his

conviction, yeah, it's so the emotional, it's like when you watch a talk.

Hold on.

Okay.

It's not about the algorithm.

It's about your emotion at the time.

And he is so keyed up.

You're right.

It's a rageful sexual energy.

Yeah.

Now, is it that he needs someone else to watch him come or that he just needs to come right now?

It's the other person has to be there.

Well,

it's an interesting thing that you said.

Well, first of all, I'd like to to say ultimately what sold you on this is something that you, as a man, you hear your whole life, which is confidence.

Passion confidence.

Like, passion confidence, like that women respond to that.

See?

I'd watch it, but I don't want the come in my mouth because I don't know.

Again, you're only saying it's not allowed in your mouth.

Is it allowed on your well?

Don't put on my body.

Just come somewhere else.

Why do you have to come on me?

I didn't know that you were willing to be in the same room.

I thought you just.

I don't know about that.

He didn't say that, did he?

Well, I don't think he, I mean,

no one asked for that specificity but you.

I mean, this feels like something you could say, like, I'd watch the video, and here you are being like, just keep out of my way.

Well, here's the thing.

I've seen many a guy masturbate in public, on public transportation, on park benches, homeless people, under tunnels, under freeways.

Got it.

It's fine.

But I don't know if I, I wouldn't want to be so close to him in proximity because this is, this could go somewhere else.

Yeah, of course I could.

But I'd watch a vid.

We've seen.

We were all thinking vid.

You were the only one who was like, just not on my leg.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

I'd watch.

Do we have to do that?

I don't think anybody imagined you being in the same room as the guy.

I mean, that, yeah.

Again, that would be.

That's the only place your mind went.

I'm going to ask you this.

Why is he wearing

that for Alan's

askew?

Why are the headphones?

He's probably in a truck and is on break right now.

He's just delivering something and driving across the street.

That's your Amazon guy.

He's in between packages.

He's so keen up, dude.

You forget that that's who's filling the world world up is people like this are doing regular jobs.

Regular people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know it's really wild to think about people's secret proclivities and like what gets them ramped up.

This guy's ready to nut.

I've never seen a guy this angrily

contained, though.

Yeah, I'm looking for girls, for pussy.

Like we've seen the creepy horny, but this is a new type of horny.

But here's the thing.

Rage horny.

But this is what's interesting.

And I think you're kind of like, sure.

you've never seen one of these and said, like, I'd watch that.

And then something about this man, maybe because he's not fucking, he's not an ugly guy.

Yeah, he's attractive.

He's not a creepy guy.

But he's saying some pretty wild shit.

And you're like, I'd check it out.

You know what, though?

Hold on, Tom.

I'd like to point out that since this show has started, I've evolved.

Oh.

I've changed.

I'm an older, broad.

I'm more accepting.

Now, I watched Will Blunderfeld stand stand on his head and masturbate into his own mouth.

I have come all over my face a few times now.

I'm open.

Okay.

I'm more open.

All right.

Cool.

Once you.

Okay, you come.

That one I'll never like.

See?

But that one's not.

It's so tiny.

It's sad.

When he comes, when he finishes, it's so anticlimactic.

And the buildup is so

long.

It's so terrible.

It's so pathetic.

And it's because of his

his uh

his circulatory system is not healthy when yeah when i heard he died

i'll say this shocked i was not surprised shocked i was not like yeah yeah well thank you for sharing this this is really cool

yeah

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Speaking of our words, did you know

that

I'm so happy to announce this?

I don't know if you guys follow my social media.

You really should because I love breaking these stories in my stories that they finally, finally released

Black Down Syndrome Barbie.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, very return.

Yeah.

And,

well, could you bring up the post, Zolo?

Because as always,

the comments are really what kills me.

Yeah.

So it's a news report where this woman is like, due to the huge demand in the black community, we've made, Metalis decided to make Black Down Syndrome Barbie.

and of course the comments are just like

no we didn't yeah could she not yeah

fucking retarded yeah

where is she bring up that post some dumb country bitch

Mattel releases the first ever

We can't play this audio, right?

Yeah, probably not.

So here's what the audio is saying, if you're not, obviously, obviously, that due to the large demand in the black community, we've that Mattel has finally done it, and this white lady here, Candy, is here to tell us how amazing it is, and how there's three arrows to represent the third, you know, chromosome and her whatever.

And, but also, if you'll notice, which I find, and this is an actual Down syndrome girl playing with it.

If you'll notice, this Barbie still kind of hot, like skinny hot.

Can you compliment that bitch?

She's skinny and still affable, which is kind of creepy.

Don't you think?

I'm just pointing out that.

Well, here's the thing.

If you hadn't said anything,

I'm just saying, I would never look at this Barbie and go, oh, it's the Barbie with Down syndrome.

Right.

Like, I mean, I can't put, I can't figure that out.

Right.

So it's still kind of creepy that a children's toy has to be fuckable.

Yeah, I mean.

I mean, it's, she's still hot, which is is.

It just looks like she has a black dad and a Korean mom, is what this kind of looks like, you know?

You've seen those, right?

And you're like, wow, she's still hot.

Korean mom.

You're like, that's a great mix.

Okay, let's see.

I thought, I saw at a glance at that comment and said, boy, that's Segura.

I didn't actually read it, but wow.

Okay.

Now, if only they hire black designers on the Barbie team.

Diversity inclusion needs to extend beyond the dolls.

That's a valid point.

That's a so valid point.

Scroll down more.

Not for me over here, about to cry.

This is the epitome of representation.

Okay.

Next is, who asked for this?

Who asked for this?

Then the next comment is, I don't have a problem with the Down syndrome doll.

I have a problem

with it only being the first black with Down syndrome, as if Down syndrome don't exist in other races.

Why couldn't it be a series of dolls?

I agree with that.

You know what this also highlights, though, is how the idea that everybody gets to comment on anything is just

like this didn't exist.

I always think about it, this didn't exist 20 years ago, where like you could just do things and you'd be like, I don't know, I think people like it.

And like now, everybody gets to tell you every one of their thoughts.

You know, catering to sensitive people is so nice.

Okay.

The most complaining set of people.

Who?

But I agree.

Like, why isn't there every race of Down syndrome doll?

So we wanted a Black Syndrome doll?

Bro, what?

How is a toy supposed to have Down syndrome?

Good, good point, man.

You're right.

That doll doesn't actually have it.

Who would write that?

How is that your idea?

That's bullshit.

This doll doesn't have Down syndrome.

Prove it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, this piece of plastic doesn't really have Down syndrome.

Where was the white doll at?

Agreed.

Y'all need to do shades.

Agreed.

So where's the white?

The white down.

White.

It looks like a regular barber to me.

Well, yeah, like, is it such a prevalent thing in the black community?

This goes.

What the fuck?

It looks like a normal black person.

Yeah.

They always into something.

This is not okay.

Okay.

I don't see the Down syndrome, but I'm happy they're being inclusive.

She's not Downsy enough.

That's the problem.

I mean, here's the thing, though.

Imagine this is, they didn't design one doll and go, here it is.

Right.

So that means in the early iterations, it was probably

a doll that they were like, yo,

this is.

And they're like, well, you told us.

You know, the designers were probably like, well, we did what we, what we do.

Of course.

They had to find just the right amount of downs.

Yeah.

Which is so gross.

Like, how many focus groups did they sit down with and do this kind of stuff?

It's just so bizarre.

I don't know.

I just see a doll whose father was stationed abroad and did a couple tours and had a kid.

In Korea?

Yeah.

That's hilarious.

It's exactly.

I know.

I don't think she is downs enough.

And also, like, she's still hot.

Why she couldn't be white?

Oh,

what and about plus-size Barbie?

I think that was, like, the first one they did.

Dip shit.

Is there plus-size Barbie?

Of course.

Let's see it.

That was like the first one is a fat one.

It's going to be just slightly bigger.

It's still hot.

She's not even Bridgerton fat she's just like plus-size Barbie

please Penelope was much better that is not accurate that is not the Barbie they released I think it says ABC News no no find her for real dances with fat

yeah see that's not real that's not the real one because I collect these don't you know every time they come out I buy it you do buy these I have an entire collection of diversity Barbies yeah

Because it's the right thing to do, guys.

I'm inclusive.

I love it.

It's important to remember that Mattel cares.

They do.

That's part of corporations really care.

Corporations are always about like, how can we

be more diverse?

Inclusion.

We care about diversity.

Is that really the Barbie?

No, it's not.

It's not.

There's no

they wouldn't put chins on it.

No.

It is.

I'm trying to tell you, man.

No fucking shit.

What does it say under the photo?

What does the caption there say?

Like the little caption.

Can you make that bigger?

This is horrible.

Hilarious.

It says artwork was created by Barbara.

So, yeah, I don't think it is real.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, because they wouldn't, it's too pig-like.

Like, they, yeah, it's exaggerated.

If they were going to do it, they'd be like, hey, what's up with the fucking triple chin?

Yeah, that's too exaggerated.

They just do a, like, a wider shoulder base and be like, oh, it's fat.

You know?

It's not.

This Barbie's a size zero.

Like, real Barbie, Barbie's normal is like a zero.

Yeah.

So she's like a size six.

And they're like, she's obese.

Like, that's still, it's, guys.

This is, oh, my God, this is horrible.

It's very funny.

Who asked for this?

That was my favorite comment there.

I can't believe that people really want that type of representation.

Look,

I would never want to buy.

a photo or a doll that looked like me.

I'd be like, no, like, I would like to aspire to something better.

Yeah, i know like i know what i see in the mirror and i don't want a doll of that i want to see one where i go oh that'd be cool if i like superman you go oh superman it's like this unachievable physique but you go like yeah that's the that's a point yeah you go that's a you aspire you aspire to be like much like our guest coming in today miss kendall she's she's an aspirational figure it's that's there's a reason her ass was on the peloton bike not mine i mean that's

the fitness influence all the instructors are in great shape yeah of course but we'll we'll bring her in in a minute but that is so fun yeah so that was my favorite one yeah it was really really cool i was really very cool freaking radical so what what else what you got for oh my god there's so many cool things in here hold on let me see

well i mean

you know we spoke to fancy chef yeah and i've never been more excited i know i'm saying we spoke to fancy chef oh you're recapping for the audience exactly as a broadcaster, I'm just.

It's cookies in cream.

Yeah.

It was interesting because my favorite, well, besides

the honor and the joy of speaking to Fancy Chef, who I've become a huge fan of, I was sort of floored

and quite surprised that when I said, what can we have, he goes, whatever the fuck you want.

And I go, great, sea bath.

He's like, I don't fuck with seafood.

And I was like, okay, that's an interesting thing.

He's like, you know, I don't want to get my hands on all that smell.

I'm like, what?

So,

but then

our staff here, our crack staff, pointed out to me that he does sometimes, you know, I'm going to add some fresh lemon to Shepherd.

There's a shrimp right there.

I'm going to add some fresh lemon.

That's nice.

That's tasty love.

That's delightful.

That's mouth water.

And that's mouth fresh.

That's lemonade.

That's tandemizing.

That's beauty to your mouth.

That gives you birth to love.

Beautiful.

That gives you birth to love.

That gives you connection with the chef.

That's remarkable.

That's nice.

That's exciting.

That's nice and pretty and beautiful in your mouth.

That's right.

That tastes wonderful.

That tastes great.

All those spices, all those things.

It looks delicious.

Wow.

That'd be easily a $3,000 or $4,000 dish from where I'm sitting.

Of course.

Yeah.

I've seen some of his prices.

They're wild.

Is that right?

How much would this you think this is a $4,000 dish?

I don't know about this one, but he has, first of all, his

price map

is all over the place so sometimes he's like

you know if i if you want this i'll do 300 per person for this if you want to host this type of event and you're like okay like that's pricey but like i've seen you know events that they go there's a price per head and it's this is like top tier stuff and then sometimes he'll be like this is a dish it's 15 grand like for a dish

that's crazy i've never even i know he has his own like what other like flecks of gold in it you know maybe sometimes

what could is it rare meat?

Maybe it's like imported snake.

I mean, you're kind of some country.

It's like you're asking Gandalf, how do you make this Trochian or something?

You know, it's like, I don't know.

It's like, can it really give you the answer?

A burger.

I love burgers.

I love burgers.

Ready?

Wow.

That's huge.

How's he going to cook that through?

Also,

it's such.

Nice.

Listen.

Can I tell you what an interesting interesting choice it is to not flatten out the meat and to prepare your burger as a meatball?

Something I would say I've never seen actually done before.

Neither have I.

Most places, I've ordered a lot of burgers.

What they do is they press it down, right?

And they actually, even if it's large,

they press it so that the burger cooks and kind of stays in a flatter circumference, right?

But this

huge softball of meat is really

making

fascinating

how's he gonna cook it through i'm very curious again it's like he's gonna fry it wow it's gonna take hours

well he's browning it you know that you bring up a great point is that i don't think the heat will ever bene penetrate the center of that but maybe that's

the fancy in the fancy yeah well when you go chef this isn't cooked and he goes just eat it it's beautiful It's nice.

It's beautiful and nice.

Yeah.

That's true.

This is the type of stuff.

Oh, he told Zolo,

go to the fucking store.

Is this home goods?

Fancy and nice.

You want you to have when you want to eat fancy?

And the chef likes stuff like this fancy.

A lot of this stuff is going to go on sale for the holidays, but I want you to look into it.

I want you to get it now.

When the chef cooks, we use this type of plates and dishes that he wants to have to put the fancy food on, the fancy, fabulous food by the fancy chef.

Yes.

Do you want to know something embarrassing about us?

Sure.

I don't even think we have fancy things like that.

Well, we don't have fancy things like that, but I'll tell you this.

We're fucking getting it if he's coming.

Oh, of course.

He said how to do it.

So

we actually do eat off of paper plates a lot because I don't want to do the dishes.

I understand.

I don't have matching anything.

Wow.

This is the mac and cheese.

Wow.

Never seen that color.

The cilantro and the mac and cheese on top.

Wow.

So nice.

Very interesting.

Do you think that's like mozzarella?

Because I've never seen it white like that.

It's very creamy.

It could be ranch.

It could be ranch.

Because he does like to incorporate ranch or strawberries in there.

You never know.

He loves strawberries.

My favorite, which I tried to get him to talk about, was dessert.

Because I was like, you.

And he's like, yeah, I'll do whatever you want.

And then he was like, yeah, I won't do that.

Also.

But.

We just got a question for you.

You want a master garment chef to cook for you and you need

something done and you want a function to go.

All you got to do is call

the pear.

All you got to do is hit up the chef, book the shop.

Look how nice.

Look how it's wizard.

Look how nice.

Just look how summertime

the chef has made, the chef has prepared.

Look what the chef has created.

Some masterpieces by the chef.

The chef has created nothing but masterpieces by Buy the chef.

Nothing but masterpieces.

Buy the chef.

Nothing but masterpieces.

Interesting.

I'm so excited.

Oh, I am too.

When is he?

He's coming when?

How much time do I have to wait?

Next week.

I'm going to save up this appetite.

Yeah, I'm going to come and get good and hungry.

He has three different size bottles of Hennessy and three different size bottles of Bacardi in that.

That's the

on the table.

I mean, you know, you have to know your guests.

You don't know who likes what amount.

It makes perfect sense to me.

And I'm sure it accompanies the pear flavoring nicely.

He's thought this through.

Oh, yeah.

This is deliberate.

I can't wait to see the menu that he arrives with for us.

I can't wait.

Do you think he'll send it over in advance for approval, or he's just going to surprise us?

I think we said ultimately, do your thing.

Like, just do your thing.

I want to know.

New York strip is what he said.

He said what?

New York strip with red potatoes.

So I think what you should do, if you don't mind, is

quadruple confirm that you could say, hey, we're now going to do a store run for you, Chef,

and then just go, like, I was going to pick this up and pick that up.

Is there anything else you need?

So that we have everything that he wants, you know?

We'll do.

I mean, would it be worth

going shopping with him and taking the crew and seeing how he shops?

Maybe we get the food with him.

That's good content.

That's really interesting to see how he

price out.

I just don't know if we could do it right.

How does he price out a $15,000 plate?

Let's find out.

Yeah.

Good thought.

Because that's how we can find out the logic of like.

I mean, I think he would, yeah, that's a great idea is to be like, hey, so why does this cost this much since I just spent $37?

Why is it $15,000?

How much is he going to charge us?

Do we know?

Do we know what you're paying for this?

I do.

I don't think I should say it until later.

It is a tax write-off.

It's for the show.

Sure.

You're paying for this just to have the experience.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, this is what life is supposed to be about, experiences.

You're telling, who are you telling it to?

I love it.

And I can tell, I've actually befriended a number of chefs in the world, and I love chefs.

It's like hanging out with comedians or musicians.

They're artists, you know.

And to be able to say that I have had a fancy chef cooked meal is really, I bet you none of my chef friends have done this.

And they're going to be like, wait, what the fuck?

You had Fancy Chef cook for you?

And I'll be like, yeah.

And guess what?

He makes more than you do.

Yeah.

Well, he knows his value, which is very important

in any business.

I'm very excited to know.

You know what you're worth.

All right.

We should take a quick break.

I'm so stoked.

The fancy chef is coming.

And

our guests.

So, yeah.

We'll be back in a few.

It's time to make Peachy.

And we are here.

Joining me as always is my lovely co-host, Christine.

And she'll be weighing in.

with some of her thoughts and questions throughout don't you worry about that and joining us today is one of our favorite return guests.

You can see him every Thursday on the YMH Studios YouTube channel as part of his podcast.

Not today, pal.

It's Rob Eiler, everybody.

Thanks for having me, buddy.

No, thank you for coming in.

How's the poker scene?

Everything's great.

Everything's great.

Yeah.

Yeah, things are good.

Life is, you know, it's good.

It's good.

You look good.

You look fresh.

Thank you.

You look rested.

You must have slept a ton last night.

Are you excited about football being back?

That's all I care about.

Yeah.

I just want every day to be Sunday.

We could just gamble all day.

That's the only thing I have left to gamble.

Do you gamble on any other sports or is it just football?

I mean, I do, but I don't really enjoy it.

Like, like the NBA finals are fun, and you know,

but

baseball is the worst.

Like, you gamble on baseball, and you just, it's, it's absolute misery.

I'm not doing that.

It's horrible.

Football's the only one also, because I didn't grow up really with like gambling as part of life, but in the last few years,

I started to get a better understanding of, well, there's just like there are a lot of complex layers to get like a bet to a kid is, I bet you the 49ers will win.

Right.

That's the bet.

Yeah.

Right.

But then you get into actual gambling, and it's over, unders, and it's like side bets, and it's all like

that.

Do you get involved in like the multi-layered like levels of betting?

I'm not, I'm not really good at that kind of stuff, but the um, that, that, and also that stuff feels kind of new.

Like, I remember, I don't know if I was like six, seven, eight, but I remember like putting in parlays when I was like six or seven or eight years old.

Parlays?

Well, because like uh, my grandfather would be at the bar all day, and there were these cards that you get, like these sheets, and then it was like you pick three teams and you get like six to one on your money or whatever.

So, that was what they did, and it was a way that you could bet like $5 or $10 to make a bunch.

I remember my first bet, yeah, like I had 20 bucks for my birthday or something.

And I told my grandpa, like, I want to use this money to do a parlay like you do, you know?

And I did a parlay and I lost and I've been hooked ever since.

Wow.

So that was, you got, I got to get that money back.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been

chasing that 20.

You've been chasing it ever since.

This whole time.

And I forget, are you also a blackjack fan?

I forget.

No, I don't really.

Because like, you know, I lived in Vegas for years and I would just see everybody come and lose.

And it's just, you're like, why do do you you know where poker you you could win money because you're playing against other people i've been at blackjack tables though where our people are winning ins

well first of all betting insane amounts of money 30 000 a hand and i'm like

holy

uh and winning yeah well i mean the edge is not insane like i don't know the exact numbers but it's only like 56%

so like 44 times out of 100 you're gonna win it's just it's all about that six percent yeah and here's the thing.

It took me a, I mean, it took me a while to figure out, I guess, is that you just have, because it is gambling, right?

You have to like accept things.

But when you play blackjack, you just get good shoes and bad shoes.

You know, like, there's a time where you'll go through the shoe and you're like, man, like every other, I'm winning like five hands in a row.

And you feel good.

You're like, I guess this is just what it's like.

And it's not.

You just got a great shoe.

And the way you should do it is just kind of enjoy that and leave that's the hard part because the other part is like there's shoes that come out and you're just like this is insane i've lost nine of the last ten the hands dealt and you go this is all bullshit but you just that's just it it goes well and then it doesn't it you have ups and downs like if if you tell a casino i want to come and play a hand of blackjack for a million dollars they don't really care but if you tell a casino I got $50,000.

I'm coming for the weekend to play blackjack all weekend.

They're like, yeah, come on.

They're like, we'll give you a nice room.

We'll give you the, because they know that 50 grand is, you know, it's a very high percent chance it's going to be theirs, where the million dollars is like 54, 55%, which they don't really, they don't really care.

I had the

also the experience of, I've never bet crazy, crazy money, but I've also stayed at like, you know, we play a lot of casinos in stand-up, right?

And you play the really, really nice ones that are, there's a few across the country.

Oh, yeah.

And then we play some real fucking dirtbag ones, right?

Yeah.

Like some real, and you know who you are.

And we play.

I've been in some shit.

And the thing is, like, they'll pay the performer

real money, right?

They'll give us like a real fee to do the show.

And you get there and you're like, this fucking dump is paying me?

Like, where the fuck do they because they don't put the money in the fucking facility?

No.

The room stuff.

Not the employees.

No.

They're all just like out of an insane asylum.

And it's all dog shit.

And then you play Blackjack, and let's say we have one of those just good hands, right?

Good night, good little run.

I'm walking out,

few grand up, maybe five, and I'm like, feeling, I'm like, you know, that's to me, I don't bet crazy.

I'm like, I'm like, wow.

And as I'm walking out, one of the pit bosses is like, hey, where are you going?

And I'm like, because we've been playing for like an hour or something.

I'm like, we're just turning it in.

They're like, oh, we have a, you want to come over here?

And I'm like, what?

What's going on?

And I realize they're just, they're trying to get that back.

And I'm like, you're trying to get five grand back?

Yeah.

But they are.

You could tell how, there's almost like a rule where it's like, you could tell how good a casino is by

how high the ceilings are.

So like, I've been in casinos where it's like six foot ceiling.

And you're just like, oh, and like this filled with smoke.

That's a good point.

It is.

But you go somewhere like the wind or Aria and you're like, I can't even see the ceiling.

It's 200-foot ceiling.

Yeah.

And you're like, oh, this is nice.

You could always tell.

Yeah.

And then, you know, you walk around, you you walk out with five grand there.

They're like, have a good day.

Yeah.

Oh, they don't need to be a little place.

Yeah.

So, like, hey, hey, hey, if the dice hit the ceiling when you're rolling craps, get out of there.

Get out of there.

Yeah, that's not good.

It's your boy Devin here, y'all.

And I'm so proud of myself.

I didn't itch my asshole when I was out in public today.

I'm so proud.

I didn't itch my butthole.

Okay, bye.

One of the better-dressed cool guys.

This guy is very cool.

I didn't itch my asshole.

Yeah.

We've all had, listen, we've all had it.

Itchy assholes are, I mean, that's one of the things that I'll say was really nice to evolve over the last, you know, human kind evolves and we get new technology.

These portable wipes that they started to make, like single pack wipes.

Yeah.

And you go and you check and you're like, oh, that's so much brown.

That's why it's itching.

It's really nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't even do the single.

I just bring out the whole pack.

I travel with two of them now.

Two entire.

I learned from Jeff Tate, the great Jeff Tate, a comedian.

I was like, we're on the road.

I'm like, I'm going to take a dump.

He's like, oh, hold on.

And he reaches into his backpack and gives me the wipes to go to the...

He must love you.

Yeah.

And I'm like, have you traveled?

He's like, well, don't, you don't travel with stuff?

And I'm like,

no.

I would never give.

There's no one else I'd give my wife.

If my brother was like, I'm going to take a shit at Bic, have fun.

I wouldn't give anyone else my wife.

Those are just for you.

Those are on lockdown.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No way.

And at the house at your place do you have uh a washlet well that's you know i i had one for a while and then i i kind of started getting in my head about shooting water in my ass that's that's from like

like you know vegas has really bad water there's a lot of places that have really bad water and i'm like i don't know if this is good for me because i'm crazy with like health shit yeah and i'm like i don't know if shooting this water in my butt is good for me you have a uh like a theory about this like yeah like i just i think like you know how they say like don't drink the water from this place and this place i'm like well should i be shooting it in my butt then spraying your asshole with it yeah i just don't know

seeping into your system definitely yeah they say like your asshole sucks up just like just like your mouth i think they say

yeah

they say like if you if you put like alcohol in your in your butt you get drunk like oh yeah so you're you're absorbing that alcohol poisoning very easily like that that's what i'm saying so what's coming in that what's coming from that water so i just use the baby wipes okay yeah i have a lot of time to think i i don't have kids or so you won't if you what if you stay in a hotel that has it you won't use the sprayer no wow yeah yeah because you're afraid of what it's doing to your system

yeah that's a pretty paranoid thought yeah i have a lot of those really what's another one

i know zolo knows but i mean i just have a let the boys know i mean i don't know what did you get the jab

huh about bluetooth the bluetooth one's wild well i always keep my bluetooth off on my phone and like on everything because i think i'm just like, this can't be good for me.

I don't even think that's that crazy.

Like, I always keep Bluetooth off because I'm like, I know it can't be good.

Do you ever use Bluetooth?

When I do, I'll put it on.

Yeah, but I'm not just like 24/7.

Yeah, it's like in my pocket all the time.

I don't want to have Bluetooth on all the time.

And in my head, I'm like, there's no downside to turning it off.

Right.

It's one of those things where I'm like, hey, if there's no downside, why not?

What's the issue?

Yeah, why not leave it off?

Okay.

Yeah.

Did you get the jab?

No.

No.

Yeah.

I had COVID like three times, and they're like, yeah, get this.

I'm like, no.

No way.

Yeah,

why?

I know, I did.

I got it.

Yeah.

I know.

People ask me, they're like, why did you get that?

And then I have this very silly reason why.

Do you know why?

Travel?

No.

Two of my cousins are virologists.

They're infectious disease doctors.

And I was like, hey, should I get this?

And they're like, what are you fucking retarded?

Of course.

And then I did.

So I blame them.

Yeah, listen, I think it's a coin flip.

Yeah.

I just look at it as like, yeah, you know, you do it.

I don't know.

I don't, I, I wasn't like, I wasn't one of those people who were like, you know, they're trying to kill me with it.

But I also was like, this can't be.

But now the thing that is fun is that the people who didn't get it, like,

they'll be like, yeah, so-and-so, do you hear what happened?

He fucking got in a car accident.

Oh, yeah.

Totally in the jab.

Yeah.

Well, the funny thing is, so Jamie's, not funny, Jamie's son got really sick.

And all these people were like, yeah, it's because of the vaccine.

And then she was like, no, he didn't get the vaccine.

And then they're like, oh, well, sorry.

Sorry about your kid.

Yeah.

It just becomes quickly like, oh, well, but they like, they go on the, you know, they also attacked Jamie for using a brown emoji.

Do you know this?

What?

Because she's half Cuban, but she's also like, she's a brown.

She's like brown.

She's naturally olive skinny.

Right.

So her emoji she would use for stuff and on like Instagram was like a browner girl.

and like people came after her and they were like you're you can't use brown emojis.

Wow.

I'm going to start just because you said that.

You should.

I'm going to start doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My mom's Peruvian.

How dark are you going to go?

My mom gets very, very dark.

But how dark emoji are you going to go?

The blackest one.

Of course.

Yeah, naturally.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll be like, here I am, and it'll just be a black guy.

Yeah.

And you're like, oh, my slam.

My mom's a quarter Peruvian.

And you didn't know?

Yeah.

Just see how people react.

I'd be like, well, it's how I feel today.

What if I identify as darker?

Yeah, 100%.

Feels like it's in line with what people do.

It's in the eye of the beholder.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

That's that's so.

No Bluetooth.

No.

Anything else that's along those lines?

I don't, I do a lot of stuff, but I would have had to think.

But again, you know what?

You know what the problem is?

It's not weird to me.

So I don't know.

Like, they say the Bluetooth thing is weird.

I would never put that as a weird thing.

Is this weird?

Guys, I got this really cute matching red set.

Doesn't it look so good on me?

Red is like the best color ever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what she is?

She's a piss influencer.

Oh, but is she one of these people who like tells you why it's good or she just does it?

She just does it.

Oh, okay, cool.

She goes by Peepee Girl or Danny.

She makes vlogs, but she's always peeing in them.

This is why you can't trust anybody.

And you can buy videos of her taking a golden shower.

Yeah.

You just can't, because you'd meet her and be like, wow, she seems really in that.

And then she's like, she's really pretty.

Oh, my God.

She's cool.

You can't.

And that's another thing.

That's probably the weird part about me too.

I am just, I spend over 90% of my time in just pure isolation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just gambling.

You guys might be a cool match.

Me and her.

Power pisser.

That's what she goes by.

Her page is just this, right?

It's just pissing.

Yeah, I think so.

Here, let's pull it it up i you just can't trust her look at the smile while she's peeing i can't i can't 20 000 followers yeah i mean there's people that like piss i thought there'd be more to be honest three stanley cups is equivalent to drinking a gallon a day

isn't it so pretty and also you know i have to give her credit on something here that's that's a real deal jersey gal right there

and look at people are like i love you currently handling the morning wood with this one.

I mean, what a great comment.

That's a real deal, Jersey gal right there.

I want to give you credit for the skill it takes to

capture what's going on without capturing the nether regions that you're not allowed to post.

I mean, that takes practice, you know?

Because you're not seeing

her box.

You're just seeing the beautiful nectar that is shot out of it.

And she's behind a truck, you could see.

Yeah.

Which is cool.

How do you feel about P?

How do I feel about P?

I mean, I'm not a fan.

I don't care about it either way.

In what way?

I mean, are you aroused by it?

No.

Have you ever had someone pee on you?

No.

Piss in your mouth?

No.

No.

You ever pee on a girl?

No.

Okay.

I'm not.

It's not my, yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, obviously there's 20,000 people that are like, this is fucking awesome.

Yeah.

No, I'm not one of those guys.

Are you?

What do you think about?

How do you feel about P?

I'm kind of indifferent.

I'm not.

Yeah.

I don't, I don't go, oh my God, P's the grossest thing, but I'm not.

Yeah, maybe if I lived in like Russia and it was like, and I was really cold,

I could find something like kind of comforting about it.

Sure.

But we live in fucking Austin.

Piss is disgusting.

Yeah, piss smell.

I mean, piss smell is pretty bad.

Yeah.

110 degrees here.

Imagine somebody trying to turn you on with piss.

So gross.

Like when you walk into a gas station bathroom and it's like they clearly haven't eaten it.

It's so bad.

It's so bad.

Yeah.

It's pretty intense.

Okay.

My happiest find in the last few months, probably this year, actually.

Wow.

Is who I'm going to show you right now.

He goes by

Fancy Chef.

570-604-3868.

702-742-1784.

516-713-9493.

Book me.

He's got multiple numbers.

Mansions, castles,

yachts, penthouses.

only

so

he's out for hire.

He just does, like he said,

high-end only.

And

he has one, two, three, four, five stars that he has given himself

on his jacket there, on the collar, and on the breast pocket.

Does it say international chef?

That's always cool.

Yeah.

International chef.

On the other side, it says things like master chef, pastry chef.

He's kind of giving himself some valor on the neck.

You see the five stars on the neck?

Five stars on the neck.

Wow.

And like beautiful and nice by the chef.

I'm in a card this milk here.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Look at the hat.

Look how beautiful.

Look how nice.

Look how tantalizing.

Look, I want you to book me.

I want you to book me now.

You never seen this before.

Never been done.

I got lamb chop.

I got strawberry.

I got honey.

I got honey ranch.

I got beautiful stuff in there.

Nice.

Got gold.

How nice.

I cooked that lamb to perfection.

When I lamb, strawberries, and honey in a wine glass.

Yeah.

I was like, you've never seen some shit like this before.

In the 90s, this guy would be a hip-hop artist in New York.

And with those glasses in the previous one, I thought he was going to be like, I thought he was going to be spitting some shit.

Yeah, no, he's just showing you what he does here.

I think it's the back of the hat that he has in the front, right?

I believe you're correct.

Yes.

Beautiful, delicious that's so delicious so i want you to dial my number i want you to dial it now five seven zero six zero four three eight six eight look how nice the cartanalizer did dial my number now beautiful and nice by this shop ah

oh wow there's someone else there there's other people i saw a person's hand i thought he was alone for sure yeah but i mean I mean, you do well.

Would you hire him?

I mean, he wouldn't work in my apartment.

I live in a fucking one-bedroom.

Oh, yeah.

He does only mansions and castles.

Gross.

Yeah, we got to have him at your place.

I can look at these burgers, and I can also tell

the firmer they are,

the firmer they are,

the more they're done.

I can look at them also.

I could tell the structure on them, they're done.

All right?

I could tell without even using my thermometer.

Big burgers.

Thousand dollars a piece.

Thousand dollars a piece.

Put a caveat on them.

Raise him to a million dollars.

Those burgers.

Wow.

To be honest with you, I don't, you know, he is incredible because I don't even think I could get food to look like that.

Oh, no, you couldn't.

How'd he do that?

Cool guy, Club.

It takes skill.

I mean, also, that pan has not been cleaned, maybe ever.

So is this guy on Instagram?

Where is he?

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

How many?

Does he have more followers than the piss girl?

What's my favorite meal?

He's gonna.

You know what I tell him?

Peanut butter and jelly.

And guess what?

I put bananas on it, too.

Yep.

Those are two.

Put bananas on my peanut butter and jelly.

You gotta slice them thinner for the show.

Peanut butter and jelly.

That's way too bananas.

You know when a cartoon character, their glasses cover their hat, and you're like, nobody would ever do that.

I like it.

I like it.

Beautiful.

Beautiful and

book me now.

I want you to book the show.

You got event, holidays.

Book me down.

You want my peanut butter and jelly?

I'll make it for you thanks

i really like this guy it's amazing yeah you know what too i think he like i would like to see i'd like to go see who he follows on instagram well because i feel like he follows like top-tier chefs not no i think he i don't think he follows any chefs i think he follows people who like you know those kind of people who tell like if you if you say someone's name and like tell them what to do like you'll get them to because he just he's like you're gonna book me oh you know like that kind of vibe following cooking style personal chef cow

cakes by tamara amy's little cakes wow he must not watch them spongebob

he follows spongebob square pants

chef richard ingraham

uh

yeah

a lot of kitchen stuff pizzeria's another chef there Yeah, he's like, we are one.

We're one unit.

I bet all the chefs he follows are just hot chicks that he likes to watch because there's no way he's following a single direction.

No, he's not, he's been, he said he's been in the kitchen for 40 years, right?

Yeah, so he doesn't need

his comments, they are

awesome.

He's got more followers than the Piss Girl, he does, yeah.

Um,

yeah, people write

her.

Look how nice I'm gonna put it in the oven of bait.

That shit got garnishing, it ain't even cooked.

I've got some of the spices that sweet herbs.

I smelled it two times.

You've outdone yourself, Chef.

Chef, you left the stickers on the pepper.

I've created the masterpiece by means of one fish.

He puts cilantro on fish.

That's crazy.

He's not even cooked this.

That's crazy.

It's fucking crazy.

What's that one?

That's a store-bought cake.

He does that a lot.

He puts fruit on store-bought cake.

Oh, wow.

He's like, check this out.

I just made this.

Wow.

Thank you, Chef.

Just take the strawberries right out of the container.

No need to wash them.

Don't worry about the explosive diarrhea.

Chef, you did it again.

Chef, you did it again.

Bro bought the shit out of the market.

Yeah, he loves strawberries.

He puts them on everything.

Yeah, I really like.

He's got the playfulness of a child, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

like kids do this like they they put they can't they can't stop you know

yeah

and they go i just want to do it again that's what kids do they go i want to do it again right like yeah you put all the strawberries on there oh wow a rose

beautiful beautiful and nice beautiful and nice that's actually not terrible compared to what i compared to what I would do if someone told me to decorate a cake.

He's just taking the flowers that somebody probably

put in that

vase.

I love how he feels zero pressure to narrate what he's doing.

He's like, you're just watching a master do his thing.

Right.

Yeah.

This is like watching those Japanese guys make the sushi and they don't say a word.

Brilliant.

Beautiful and nice.

That's.

You gotta have him on here.

We've tried.

No.

We've called all the numbers.

Tell him.

wow all the different flowers too you would think you would go for some type of cohesion

you tell if you just tell him you'll hire him and then you'll pay him to be on here i mean there's no way this guy wouldn't come on i don't know have him cook for everybody you know like uh he would be very excited

yeah

oh no like doesn't uh bird has that guy come and like smoke stuff this could be your version of that this guy could follow follow you on the road.

You have him on the bus with you.

He's asking, are the flowers edible?

Someone's encouraging him.

No, they're not.

You don't?

You don't.

What about you?

Are you done?

Wow.

Jesus.

Go to one of his, well.

One of the his one where he's telling you what to do.

Let's see here.

Yep, there's a lot of he likes putting fruit and colours.

Beautiful and nice.

I'm going to add this ranch over this ranch.

I got this Cardi B whips.

Just watch, watch, watch.

Ranch?

I got this Cardi B whips.

How nice and beautiful.

How nice.

Beautiful and tender.

The comments just glitched out.

Oh, how nice and beautiful.

And the phone's always ringing.

Now I know why.

It's always ringing.

It's always ringing, dude.

That's you trying to get him.

Yeah, that's me.

Like, Chef, answer, please.

I love this guy.

Yeah, it's a big fan.

A lot of stuff in wine glasses.

A lot.

And then here he is, like, telling you what's up.

Like, sometimes he's just.

It's extravagant.

Okay, let me help some of you people out.

40 years plus, I got in the kitchen.

40.

No one gave me this jacket.

I earned everything.

I earned earned it all and more.

I've been in the kitchen since four years old.

You see that?

See that number?

Four years old.

I've been in the kitchen 40 years plus.

Hours, decades, months, 16 hours, 14 hours.

Doesn't have many different hours.

Eight hours, 12 hours in the kitchen.

I worked every station you can imagine.

Okay.

So when you're a chef and you in the kitchen, you got to know what you're doing.

And I know what I'm doing with 40 years.

40, 40, 40 years.

All right?

40 years.

Got it?

Predact your pipe and smoke it.

You hear it?

40.

It's ringing it.

I'm proud of it.

And I'm proud of it.

Answer your phone.

Everyone's trying to book you.

Anything that I can't make.

And a lot of you chefs, you know what I'm talking about.

Y'all don't make something.

Ooh, I can't.

Name me a chef.

40 years of strawberries.

You know, that can make soul food.

You can't make it.

And you you know it.

Okay.

We're good.

Talk to me about being a chef.

I've been in it my entire life.

Okay, we're good.

You know what I think is going on here?

I think he has a voice in his head or like a little guy on his shoulder who's like, you're not a real chef.

And then he has to go on the rant of like, I am a real chef.

Because like, people seem to be really nice in his comments and like encouraging him, but he's like challenging.

Like he's.

He's coming out on every post being like, I am a real chef.

You can make a jacket if you want to.

You can just order that jacket for sure.

Yeah.

We should order a similar jacket.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you should put six stars on your list.

Yeah, six stars

and list every type of chef you can be.

Yeah.

All types of chefs.

You should say 22 hours.

22 hours a day in the kitchen.

I've been in here 41 years.

Ranch.

Yeah.

He's putting ranches.

Look how sexy.

Look how beautiful.

Look how nice.

The chef presents to you his pink, red rose petal dessert, fresh fruit with a splash of champagne.

Look at beauty, look at greatness, look at love.

Bow, five, seven, oh, six zero four three eight six eight.

Get at me.

I'm for higher.

Don't be shy.

Bow.

I think you got to sweet talk this guy a little more and get him here.

I don't think you're doing it.

I know.

We got to try more.

Yeah.

We have to try more.

He's got a

he can cater the show.

I know.

But he also, do you do you have the unbooked one?

Is that here?

Have Netflix execs call this guy.

He does full catering.

It's unbelievable.

Because

he's always putting out these messages.

Like, book me, book me, book me, book me.

You know?

Yeah.

And then

we actually have a video where someone calls him to book him.

Oh.

But like

doesn't go so well.

So

I don't know if it would actually be possible to get him here.

You think he's like a little paranoid or something?

Yes.

You think he's had a lot of, yeah.

I think his Bluetooth is off too, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think his might be on.

That's the price.

That's

24/7.

This is what happened.

Yeah, 22 hours with the Bluetooth, you know?

Yeah.

Because I see he has the headphones in all the time.

That's a see?

Located in Atlanta, Georgia.

Okay, I'll start that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This evening.

Okay, where you located?

I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia.

Okay, I'm all booked up.

Alright?

Okay, but

you can't make it out tonight?

I can't.

About 12 people this evening.

Okay, where are you located?

I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia.

Okay, I'm all booked up.

I mean,

that's what you want, though.

He really believes that's the front of the hat.

He does.

Yeah, that's definitely the I'm not, I'm no chef.

Sorry, chef, if I'm wrong, but that's got to be the back of the hat.

Yeah,

people want me, is what he posted.

That's his caption.

With the glasses and the stars, he does have some sort of like military flair.

He does have...

There's a confidence that comes from

him, you could tell.

That's why I'm saying, like, he reminds me of a hip-hop artist in the 90s.

Like, when he talks, you're listening, you know?

That's amazing.

Where are you located?

I'm all booked up.

Constantly asking people to call him only to say I'm all booked up is diabolical.

That's that comment.

That's fucking crazy, dude.

So we got the email.

I have some fortunate news for you and the YMH family.

My wife and I were on a trip to Ireland for the FSU versus Georgia Tech football game.

Of course, we had to stop at O'Connor's pub in Killarney to see our buddy Sham.

Unfortunately, we were told by the pub bartenders he has passed away.

My deepest consolences to you and your YMH family.

It was a heavy disappointment to travel out of our way and have my wife bitch at me the whole ride to find out he has passed away as well.

Anyway, see you in May.

Keep your jeans high and tight and your hot sauce.

Jake and Emily from Atlanta GA.

So, you know.

What do you think makes it a great town?

Honestly,

yeah, lots of tourists around.

It's great, isn't it?

It's great.

Give him a job away.

Love,

he was awesome.

All-time favorite.

And what's your favorite thing about Killarney?

Timmy Connolly, my best singer.

We should put subtitles on to see what the subtitles think he's saying.

Unbelievable.

Poor guy.

Can you believe that guy's not alive anymore?

Jesus Christ.

Didn't see that one coming.

What's the point of Guinness like here, Sham?

Good.

So you recommend Colarney anyway.

Best town in Ireland?

Best on one.

Yeah.

True town.

And what age do you know, Sham Dimon?

71 gone.

I might be a treason in

71 gone.

71.

Wow.

I think.

That's when this was filmed.

So he must have, he'd be probably 80 or something.

It was time to let him in the heaven.

They're like, should he get in there?

Like, we don't know.

We don't know.

We don't know anything he's said in the last 30 years.

I'm God.

I don't know.

Can someone tell me what this guy's been saying?

It's incredible.

So, well, long live the Sham, the Killarney guy, and rest in peace, sir.

We were big, big fans.

You've been living in Austin now for

how long?

I think two years.

Two years.

Have you made some good friends?

I'm not a make-friends guy.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

Which is why

we are gonna pay for it.

We wanna send you here.

I was at a dinner for eight great men last night here in Austin, Texas.

These were entrepreneurs, coaches, creators, and high-level performers.

My intention in bringing together this group was to create a space where men could connect on a deep level.

I've requested that no one bring alcohol to ensure the conversations were genuine and sincere.

The prompt of the night was: what's the hardest lesson you've had to learn, and what's the story behind it?

We We all took turns sharing our stories with the group, followed by time for follow-up or reflection questions.

We even got to celebrate a 29th birthday.

All in all, the night couldn't have gone better.

You truly are the average of the people you spend the most time with, and these men inspire me to be and do better.

How would you like to go to that?

Unfortunately, I'm allergic to dogs.

Oh.

I saw dogs, and I would have loved it, but yeah, I'm allergic.

Well, guess what?

They're having another one, and we can request that the dog not be there.

No, dogs are part of the, you know, you're an average of the people you spend the most time with dogs that's true dogs have to be part of the you are allergic to dogs yeah yeah half half i'm allergic to short-haired dogs only long-haired dogs no hypoagenic those dogs i think i would have been allergic to seriously yeah damn that's too bad yeah no i couldn't oh my god this is just this is i know i gotta say the food the food got me a little like this nice taste and no alcohol i'm a big no alcohol guy yeah yeah yeah i mean

you know yeah but i can't i can't i don't like to hang with anybody these guys make me blow my brains out.

Yeah.

I couldn't.

Not for one second.

They'd be like, what's the hardest?

I'd be like, shut the fuck.

I couldn't go to one of these either.

No.

No way.

No way.

They'd be like, what's the longest?

What's the hardest lesson you learn and how'd you overcome it?

I'd be like, well, when I came here

and I'm going to walk out now.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is fucking terrible.

Opening up to strangers like that.

And then like, and then you know when they're leaving, they're like, I just made best friends for life.

And I'm like, no, I don't like it.

It's all exchange information.

I got really good at this too, by the way.

I've been having so much fun with this.

Is when people are like, hey, can I get your number?

I just give them a random phone number.

You should give them chef's number.

I do it all

five one,

two.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, memorize chef's number.

Yeah, I just make up numbers.

Yeah, that's good.

And then they're like, all right, I sent you a text.

I'm like, all right, I left it in the car.

I'll go check it in a minute.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And emails too.

I make up emails.

I just completely make up emails and I give them to people.

You know uh you know joe gotta the guy from uh what impractical jokers who he he came on our show really such a nice guy and we went to dinner he's he's such a nice guy and he goes um yeah for like i don't know how long he said whatever 10 15 years he's anytime he somebody he saw somebody like sign up for this sign up for this he would sign up using sal the other guys

his home address his phone number like everything

And it would like, Sal would get new numbers, like try and change things.

And it would just be like his mailbox anywhere he'd go would be full in a day.

And he never knew what was going on for years and years and years.

That's hilarious.

I did that to Sickler a few times.

I signed him up for a mailing list for comedians I knew he didn't like.

Oh,

yeah.

Like we would make fun of people, and then he'd be like, yeah, I get this fucking mailing list for this ass.

I'm like, how is that happening?

Yeah, yeah.

That was fun.

That was a lot of fun.

That's great.

That's very funny of those guys, too, to do that.

So how do you think these guys, oh, because they're on social media, so they find, like, we're hosting a a guy's because i'm like as a guy who's not on social media i wouldn't even know how to find like a guy's dinner in austin i have no idea you just google like man man dinner yeah i mean we also this one was uh where was this here this was a different this was for women

Wow.

Yeah.

This is outside of a Burke Freisher show.

The man one where he's like pushing

and he pushes them all the way and screams and cries.

That one is fucking fantastic.

Yeah, but there's these camps that people sign up for that

release your anger.

Or,

I mean, also, the qualifications to host this, I believe, are none, right?

You just go, like, oh, I'm the person.

Like, you could host one.

You could be like, it's actually less than none because if they were qualified to be hosting other stuff, they would be.

You know what I mean?

And they're doing this.

They're like, no, you come and I organize yells.

Yeah, I organize shouts.

No, this, this is, yeah, I don't need to.

Did you sign up and give your deposit yet?

Okay, yeah.

But it's listen, it is one thing to do this.

So someone's like, I'm so angry.

I got to get it out.

But then, like, there's a camera in their face and they're doing it, which makes it

real crazy.

I don't.

Because you don't want this footage out there.

Could you imagine if you were on a walk in the woods and heard this?

Yeah, terrifying.

That would scare the shit out of me.

You just heard 50 women screaming out of nowhere?

That's so horrible.

Absolutely horrible.

Let's see here.

This is also.

Oh, do you have it?

Oh, fuck, yes, dude.

This is the one.

This was the trailer for the one in Austin that we were looking at.

Let's see.

There you go.

Okay.

Yeah, that's not the actual one I was looking for, but it's, you know, this is the one I was looking for is this guy has him push him like down a like a gravel road, and he just

keeps screaming.

He's like

as he like pushes him down, and then he breaks down crying kind of at the end.

It actually seems really nice if you just took every dude out of there.

Like

they're showing the fire and the ice bath and the food, and you're like, this seems really nice, but then you have all these guys like crying.

Yeah.

Look at this, the pause.

Yeah, no.

It's just a guy.

I think half of the pauses on this video would have been a guy crying or screaming.

Why do you, I don't know what, what's the appeal?

I guess this is a lot of like what these guys need, right?

A lot of them.

Just like hug me with my shirt off.

Hug me.

You know, I don't get my emotions out, you know, repressed.

But then how do they know they need this?

Like, that's the thing.

It's like, if you're in touch with that enough to know you need this, I don't know.

I think that people just want to hang.

I just feel kind of stuck to sign up for something.

Imagine these are just all guys with bad breath.

You know, because it's like they can't, it's like, why do you need to hang with people so?

Why do you need to find people to hang with so bad?

They just all have bad breath.

I know.

Well, here's the thing.

I don't think any of them are fun.

That's the thing.

It's like, nobody here is a good time.

No, no.

It's a bummer camp.

It's like, you want to be bummed out?

Come fucking share your bummer shit here.

And I'm not a good time either, but I'm not going to make you hold me while I scream.

But I'm not, you know what I mean?

You wouldn't want a no?

No.

It's just the worst.

It's horrible.

Yeah.

No, I'd want to die.

And then like, and then like edit, like, imagine sitting in a room, having to edit this video, like putting the guys crying to mute, like, just the whole thing.

And the worst part is, like, you mentioned earlier, if you did do this, let's say you're like, yeah, I went to this thing.

You know, I don't really want,

I don't really want it out there, like, whatever.

And then you have, like, the, the real making the rounds, you're like, god damn it.

No, everybody knows I'm a fucking pussy.

But you know, they see this trailer and they're like, that's when you release the inner, the inner child.

And they're like, oh my god.

These are also the guys that are like, hold my cock.

And then, you know, just not in a gay way, but just we can admire each other.

And you're like, okay, where's this going?

Yeah.

All right, guys, we're going to fat test Harry Potter's forbidden journey now here at Hogwarts.

So you're going to put your arms on the outside for me.

Okay, let's go.

We have a feet for the green light here.

Watch your hands a little bit.

So you're not getting the green light on the screen smoking.

That's the kind of green light that you cannot be in the podcast.

Unfortunately, that's another no here in the wisdom world of Harry Potter.

And you know what this guy does, right?

This is all he does.

But it's under the guise of I'm doing this for other people, like

I'm fat testing things so other fatties can see whether or not they can go.

But that's really

first of all, that's not really what you're doing because nobody can watch this and go, I know your exact dimension, so I know whether it applies to me.

It's just like

you could basically go, I guess you could look at him and go, Well, I'm way fatter than him, so I know I know I can't go, but it doesn't really provide that service, and it makes it seem like he's staying fat for you to test rides, as opposed to, you know, you could just

do this once, go, god damn it, I'm too fat to ride rides.

Now I'm gonna do something about that, you know?

Yeah, they should have somebody at these parks with like a confetti gun for when like somebody like this does fit, you know, and they just like

they just set off the confetti.

It's like, yeah,

guess what?

We got one on.

Yeah, you're not too fat today.

Yeah, it's

absurd.

Just fucking

they're fucking plus-size park hoppers, you know.

Have you ever been seated at a restaurant and found that you couldn't fit comfortably in the seat or booth?

Hey, everyone, we're plus-size park hoppers, and we range in sizes from 2x to 5x.

Like this video and follow us for more plus-size Disney content.

We're starting a new dining series called If I Fit, Size Sit.

In this series, we'll go to different restaurants on Disney property and beyond, showing you the types of seating they offer, whether or not we find it comfortable, and we'll also review the food.

What are you gonna do?

Are you going to sit here and make fun of fat people?

Is that what you want me to do?

I'll do it.

Sure.

I'm just, it's disgusting.

What are you going to

stop it?

You know, this is what this is.

I mean, people shit on RFK, but this is what RFK is coming to fucking switch, baby.

What's he going to do?

No more fatties.

Just eliminate them?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Genocide?

No more.

Trump has taken out

the immigrants, and he's taking out, RFK is taking out the fatties.

Does he talk about the fatties?

Oh, my God.

His number one thing is like.

We're fat.

Like the poison in our food and this.

And he, you know, he talks about, and again, I'm sure people will fact-check this and be like, you're wrong.

You're not saying it right.

But he says basically like a

pediatrician,

a kid, the doctor, whoever used to see one case of diabetes in his whole career, and now he sees like three a day.

Yeah.

And he talks about all this stuff.

And he's like, it's just, it's all the food.

Like, he's like, this isn't happening in Europe.

We can't figure out what we're doing wrong.

Well, he's not going to do shit because he's not going to win anything.

But he's joining in with Trump now.

Well, yeah.

I like i saw his make america healthy

that's his stance for real trump who's like i'm 215 and you're like

yeah he's eating mcdonald's on the plane calling rfk to come help him out yeah move with the food come on we guys know guys wait you're like you're not 215 dude yeah

rfk was like i want you he's like i i support trump but then he goes if you but if you see my name on a ballot i want you to vote for me i'm like huh what are you doing because i guess he's he's cut he's taking himself off the ballot in like 10 states that are swing states and then staying on in the all blue or all red states.

Sounds like a very self-serving games.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking asshole.

It's kids' games.

Prick.

Me and any don't vote, right?

We don't want to get called for fucking jury duty.

Yeah, no, fuck that shit.

Fuck voting.

No, I'm not saying anybody.

Yeah.

They'll call me for jury duty.

I did that once.

It was the worst time ever.

I was addicted to Perko sets.

I'm like, how do I smuggle Percocets into jury duty?

What'd you do?

I just took a shot, just put it in my pocket.

What are you going to do?

Yeah.

And I just sat there in the back of my head down all day.

They're like, does anybody have a problem with it?

I'm like, I have a problem with

anything they bring up.

You just raise your hand?

Yeah.

Do you have a history?

Yeah, my grandfather.

Just anything they, so that they wouldn't put me on the thing.

And you got out of it?

Yeah, after a while.

I think I had to come back like the second day, and I was just like head down.

Man,

I went one time to the pool.

Right?

Like the

pool of potential jurors.

Right, right.

That's where I was.

Yeah, and then this was in LA.

and i was like mother and i was right behind adam mckay that's what i remember adam mckay was literally we entered the together like he was in front of me and we're sitting there and then i get through all the questions and i'm like yeah yeah no i'm i'm racist like i tried and then they were like that's not going to work and i was like oh and then and they're like everyone here is yeah they're like don't and they they led with it they're like don't try to be racist we don't care and we were like man

what

um

and then they

they were like, all right, you don't have it today.

And I was like, what does that mean?

They're like, we got to call tomorrow.

And tomorrow, if we need you, you got to come in.

So like every morning you'd have to call at a certain time.

And anyways, I didn't have to serve.

And then Sickler ended up actually getting on the jury for like a major violent drug case, like cartel shit, gang shit.

Gang shit.

Yeah, like

murder drug trafficking case.

Wow.

Yeah.

So he had like a real serious case.

But yeah,

I got lucky.

I didn't have to do it.

The first time I ever got it, I called my manager.

I was like, you got to get me a job.

I was like, I can't do this.

Because I was really addicted to like, I just, I couldn't even go like fucking 24 hours.

And I was like, I can't be in this room.

And then the second time I got it, I was like,

I was like, I can't work again.

I just need you to get me in.

I did get a summons later, and I just...

Put it in the trash.

We probably all have warrants out for our arrests.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Well,

yeah, because when you live in those LA, you know, apartment complexes that they have the mailboxes, you look in the trash, there's a lot of summons in there, yeah.

Everyone is just like, yeah, everyone's like, this is a big city, throw it in the trash.

It's either fucking red light cameras or jury duty, or yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

Check this out, look at Nadov here.

Uh-oh,

we like alcohol

and bridges.

Oh, hold on, we'll get the cars.

We're gonna cigarette, yeah,

He is fucking wrecked.

Your boy's trash.

Trash.

You think that's just alcohol?

No.

I don't know.

I think that's something else.

He's savvy enough, though.

They're like, give me your card to buy the stuff you want.

And he's like, go get it.

Yeah.

He knows not to hand it over.

Because with alcohol, when he hits a wall, you think he would stop for him, but he like bounces off and keeps going.

Yeah, trying to keep his balance.

Might be a little something extra.

You think so?

Yeah.

That's New York, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was your, what was your favorite thing?

Was it Perks?

Was that your favorite?

I mean, there was a lot of favorites, but yeah, Perks was probably...

Perks was probably.

I mean, I loved Molly.

I just loved.

Really?

I loved Molly so much.

It was just so good.

But yeah, Perks were just the best because it was such like an isolation.

Like I would take perks, smoke weed, and then take, like, I would take Xanax or perks.

And again, no one do this, whatever.

How to keep me safe.

I would take perks, Xanax, and switch it like ever.

I had an alarm on my phone that would go off.

And it was like, oh, now you can take, because I didn't want to take it within like the same hour.

And then, like, and then I also had a phone number in my phone

that said cigarette.

And when I would smoke a cigarette, I would call that number so that I wouldn't chain smoke cigarettes.

I'd make you have to wait at least least this many minutes before I could smoke a cigarette.

So you were still on top of your health, even when you were doing this stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's cool.

Because otherwise, I would just chain smoke cigarettes all day.

And I was like, no, we have to put some sort of.

You'd call a number?

So, like, I had like a fake number in my phone, cigarettes.

And then when I would light a cigarette, I'd call that number.

So then when I'd go to light a cigarette again, I would look and be like, oh, it's only been six minutes since I had a cigarette.

Like, you need to wait at least 20 minutes.

And then Perk and Xani, I would wait an hour in between each thing.

How long were you in your worst phase of addiction?

It depends because there was like the different phases.

So some people would probably say like my like cocaine partying, like that thing was so bad because I would stay up for days in this.

But then like the Zanette, Xanax Percocet thing was really bad because I was so isolated.

I would just be, I would say two weeks straight in my apartment.

And then my friends would call me like, yo, where have you been?

I was like, I saw you guys like three days ago.

And they're like, it's been two weeks.

Wow.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, okay.

Like, I'll come.

And like, and then I would just go out and party and I'd wake up feeling like shit.

And I'd start taking Percocets and Xanax and that would last another, however.

But again, like from, you know, 14 to whatever it was, 24, 25, it was just drinking, going out.

That was like the thing.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

And then after like 25, I was more leaning into like, I was always doing the perks and whatever, but I really started leaning into just like staying home, sitting on the couch, taking pills and just like staring at the wall or like playing poker online or doing whatever.

Wow.

It's cool.

Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And did you get yourself cleaned up?

So I saw like a specialist in New York to get off of the Xanax because you could die from Xanax withdrawals.

Yeah.

So I didn't want to die.

And like I had in my head of like, oh, I could die if I stopped taking this or whatever.

But everything else, I pretty much did on my own.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's impressive, man.

But it was just like my doctor was basically like, you're not going to make it like healthy much longer if you don't.

Like, he's like, it's insane that you're okay.

And he's like, you're not going to make it much longer if you don't stop soon.

And that's when I was 20.

I was 28.

And I was like, all right.

Jesus, man yeah i should probably stop but now you're clean and sober

how long 11 years wow yeah of a lot but again it's it's weird because like you know i stopped drinking 11 years ago and stopped doing you know uh like party drugs but then it took me a while to get off of the xanax and uh a little while to get off of percocet so like it's like 11 years for most stuff and then you know whatever it is nine for xanax and i don't know yeah i don't really i'm just like in my head i'm just like i don't need to count i'm sober yeah you know of course i'm fucking done yeah xanax man people don't know

how

addict addictive and even what they i know people they're like i've never tried one i'm like it's just like turns shit off i feel like you know like this worrying you're just like oh yeah it's a we were so back when i had xanax in my pocket all the time we were online for um a roller coaster at six flags and my and we had just gotten there my we were like all amped and my one friend was like He's like, man, I haven't done roller coasters while I'm starting to feel a little like, whatever.

And he's like, let me get a Xan.

And I may or may not have given him a Xanax.

Maybe I didn't.

But like, he was like, you know, he took the Xan.

By the time we got to the front of the line, he was like, we're sitting in the front.

That's what Xanax do.

They just shut off.

But again, no one should do Xanax.

So I would rather wake up tomorrow addicted to everything I was ever addicted to 10 times than Xanax one time.

Really?

Yeah.

Because that's the hardest one to break.

Yeah, because it's so mental.

Like, you know, when you're coming off of Perco sets, you're sick and you're like, oh, I've been sick.

Like, sometimes you just get sick and you're like, I know I can get through this.

Where the Xanax, it's mental and it's so fucking bad.

And you feel like,

I've described this before, but like when you, so imagine like your biggest fear was like heights.

Imagine you were,

they opened up like the door of like a plane to jump out and they're like, are you ready?

Like you feel like that.

That's what you feel like.

All the time.

And then you take a little piece of Xanax and it just goes away.

It goes away.

It's insane.

And so you do wean off of it.

Is that the way to do it?

Yeah.

If you have to slowly reduce.

Yeah.

And it just gets, it really got scary for me when, for some reason, like I couldn't kick the one like before bed because I was like, I'm going to die in my sleep.

That was my fear, you know, even though, like, at that time,

that was the last one you cut.

That was the last one.

Yeah, because you know, they run you through like a thing of like, because they're like, when do you take Xanax?

And you're like, well, sometimes I just take it whenever I feel.

And they're like, no, you need to get on a schedule of this and regulate and all this shit.

And yeah,

Xanax is by far the worst.

Like, I would rather be addicted to everything else.

I had heard, I forget who said it, it was somebody like in medicine was saying that it has like the same addictive properties as like cocaine, like people who are addicted to cocaine, that's the same kind of level of addiction that exists with Xanax, right?

Really?

Yeah, that's very, very addictive.

See, I think it's like, it's weird because like with the Percocets and the cocaine and stuff, you're, there's this high with it where like the Xanax, I wasn't even taking it for a high.

Like I was taking it to not feel like I was fucking standing at the edge of a building all the time.

Yeah.

So it was like, I'm not even enjoying, like, this isn't fun.

Right.

You know, and you're just like, I need the, I don't know, I got fucking Xanax is the worst, man.

And like, kicking it, I remember just like,

it was the greatest day ever where you're like, oh my God.

And then like a while after, I was like, oh, I'll only let myself take it when I fly because I hated flying so much.

And then I took it

to fly and it made me feel like shit for days after.

So I was like, all right, I'm just done.

Wow.

Like, I've never taken one again.

I don't know, seven, eight, nine years, whatever it's been.

Probably like nine years.

Oh, congrats, dude.

That is.

Yeah, yeah.

That's impressive.

Yeah, yeah.

because people try and like say like you know you should be proud and this i'm like i did it to myself i'm a fucking idiot like i got myself so deep in

so many people can't kick it though so totally yeah and i you know a lot of my friends passed away from like drug addiction and stuff and i think like you know a lot of people are like you think it's because of sopranos that you were addicted to drugs and this i'm like i think sopranos is the thing that helped me like come out the other side because i was like you know i had a lot of friends who were you grew up in the fucking building i grew up and they still lived with their mom and this and they were like well let's say i i try everything and I finally kick these drugs.

I'm still a guy who's living with his mom and I'm fucking 28 and this, where for me, it was like, I have this

great life I can live and do things and there's doors open for me.

So it's like, if I could just stop this, like things can be good, you know, not that, you know, things couldn't be good for other people, but it was just, it was something that really, a lot of people just try and be like, oh, well, you had a child actor and you were hope.

Yeah.

And I, you know, but now I just sit on my couch and gamble.

Yeah.

So it's not that different than what you were doing at all.

Yeah.

One could argue that maybe bring the drugs back.

Yeah.

My dad argues that all the time.

Does he?

Yeah.

Whenever we're out, we went to like a UT game and he's like, you sure you don't want to drink every time we pass.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

These guys have met my dad.

Any loves my dad.

Yeah.

My dad is my dad's guy.

And every time we pass like a beer thing, he's like, come on.

Like, you're not going to have one with me?

And I was like, no, it's been 11 years.

But he doesn't respect your sobriety?

In his head, I'm sure he does.

Yeah, but no, he doesn't respect any.

I got to meet your dad, who I know I look like.

Yeah, you do look like my dad.

Yeah.

Well, he's gained some weight recently, so you look less like him now, but you look, yeah, he's, he's, you know, I would love to meet him.

But when I wake up early, like I had to today, it makes me more sympathetic to why he's such an angry guy.

Yeah.

You know, because he's waking up at 4.30 a.m.

every day for like his whole life to go to work, you know?

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I can't.

And I'm like, okay, I get, I get, I get why you're angry, dude.

Oh, my God.

Well, here, we, let's, we got an email I want to to read you.

It says, hi, Gene, long time mommy here.

Been with the pod since episode 85.

I'm listening to YMH772 and had to write in regarding the hooker with the colosme bag because I used to know one.

I grew up in DC in the 90s, which was a very high-low experience.

In my early teens, I used to sneak out almost every night to graffiti stuff, and doing so led to various meets with a real cast of characters on the streets.

One of these local celebrities was a hooker with a colosme bag, who we affectionally referred to as the colostitute.

I forget her real name, but she was very sweet and really funny.

I don't know if the bag was a real moneymaker, but a lot of people gave her tips just to keep going.

Now, part of that high-low factor was that I got a good education.

Senior year of high school, I beat out all the smart kids to win an extremely coveted fellowship, the Folger Shakespeare Library.

Very posh.

One night, on a field trip to see a private showing of King Lear and the Shakespeare Theater, the whole class is outside on our jackets and in our jackets and ties, waiting for our parents to pick us up.

And who's on the corner in a green bikini, bag of ship flopping around?

The Colostitude.

She clocks me and starts waving, hey, Sugar.

I ain't seen you in a minute.

I sheepishly waved back and said, miss you, Boo, or something to that effect.

Stun silence and jaws on the floor from my classmates until everyone got picked up.

Nobody ever brought it up the rest of the year.

Love you guys.

See you on the Hunter's Block.

Pain Sponge.

Pretty good story.

Yeah, I mean, hoes with colossi bags they need to work too you know where's a colossby bag kept like on the side yeah like a gun holster

there's a hole where you're you know where they kind of cut your intestines and that bag goes there so when you shit you fill up the bag that's sitting on the side of you yeah

wow yeah if i could have one superpower it might be to never have to shit again Really?

Yeah.

You and any both.

Yeah.

I just, I just hate it so much.

I'm more, I I hate the wiping, but if you're going to take out the wiping, you might as well just take out the shitting altogether.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shitting is terrible.

It does suck.

I hate it so much because I can't do it in public.

So I have to get it done before.

Are you on a schedule?

Like, do you have this?

Yeah.

Every morning.

Every morning.

But I also don't drink coffee.

So it's like, if I have to, like for something like this, I didn't shit.

So you just.

So you know you got to go back to your place.

Oh, 100%.

So if somebody, something,

I don't know.

that you really wanted to do was happening next here, you'd still be like, I still have to go back to my place.

Well, that's what's great about me.

There's never anything I really want to do.

That is great about you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you could, you know, unless somebody's like, you want to go gamble in the middle of, I mean, like, what is somebody going to say?

Yeah.

There's really nothing that could keep me from going home, you know, as far as like tantalizing.

Like, I'm just like, no, I'll go home.

Yeah.

All the time.

Yeah.

Did you follow Fartgate?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you know what a psychopath Ennie was?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fully aware.

I know Enny's crazy.

But so I went, we had to go to New York for the 25th anniversary of Sopranos and I'm in where we're I think we're at the beacon theater and it's like full of people and you're walking around and some guy stops me and he's like bro he's like I love the podcast he's like you got to talk to anymore he was like that is one interesting cat that's exactly what he said to me but when he said interesting cat he gave me like the crazy eyes of like that is one interesting cat and I was like oh and this is before Farkey well listen I've been working with him for a number of years and I'm not here every day but when you talk to anybody else on the staff, they go, Real interesting cat that any guy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, like he's got some interesting thoughts and opinions on things, yeah, uh-huh.

And then sometimes you say, Hey, you had that interesting thought and opinion.

He goes, No, I didn't.

Yeah, you go, Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

Oh, I thought you well, you said you did, and you said that, and he's like, No, I didn't.

Like, okay, yeah, he's full fucking name.

One time I said that, yeah, yeah, exactly,

exactly,

crazy person, yeah, yeah.

That's our boy.

Yeah.

But you love him.

He's great.

He's a great guy.

Yeah, he's great.

How do black people misbehave?

They do crime, they beat up everybody, do traffic violation, they're lazy, just collecting money from the government, don't take care of their children, they have good singing well and playing sport well.

What makes them lazy?

In Africa, you don't have to do much.

This is not lazy, and I'm lazy.

Right.

Okay, so this is lazy skin.

Yes.

You, I'm a white woman.

No, you're not white.

You have the lips of black people, everything black.

Oh, what's black about me?

What's the my lips are black?

How about my eyes and my forehead?

And this, I have a white, I have white woman hair.

Look, my head is such hair.

It's difficult to get control of it.

She many times wear a wig.

You like when black people wear wigs?

They have no choice.

I'm all the time with black people.

I have at home i have my aid and she's lazy yes have you told her that she's black and lazy well i should tell her she know is my ass like a black woman yes so you use the word n

using on me they calling me

when i'm calling them back n they get upset do they look like criminals to you

not their free time

she she label me my dad's white okay so he's half white what do you think about that still they look black they are color You need the

blackness to take it out, right?

If you want, you need Jesus, my guy.

Jesus was Jewish.

Jesus was Jewish.

You learn so much.

So cool.

You know what my favorite part was when she said, look at my ass?

He hit reverse real quick on the chair.

He just reversed in his chair a little bit.

He's like, all right.

Yeah.

He's Israeli.

That's an Israeli accent.

Yeah.

But very straightforward.

Didn't hold back much.

No.

Yeah.

pretty interesting that

he feels like sharing that in public.

Not everybody would.

It's a crackhead Barney and friends up top.

I don't know.

What did it say on his shirt?

Did you see what it said?

How do black people make hands?

Oh, it's a college.

College of Performing Arts?

Yeah.

It'd be funny if this was a movie.

And a bank hat, like a sweat, a free bank hat.

If this was a show that you wrote, he would be driving home, and all of a sudden the battery runs out, and all these black people just start coming out of the money.

Yeah, this guy, man, he only is

like nobody

20 years younger than him would be, would do this interview this way.

Only an old guy who's like a paraplegic is like, fuck it.

Yeah.

And then the guy, and then the guys next to him are like, yeah, nah, he can do that.

Yeah, so they're like, he's in a chair.

Fuck it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's in a chair.

Oh, man.

And finally.

How about I hurry up with the bus coming?

It's a pretty cool arrangement.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know why more people aren't doing this.

All he, this guy had to do was walk up, hand this guy his shoe.

He smells and licks it, and he just keeps giving him cash.

And then he's like, you want the other shoe?

Give me another 20.

He's like, I got you, dude.

I got you, bro.

And that's the thing.

Like, sometimes on this show, when you guys talk about stuff, you'll be like, there's no way that...

I remember like there was a, what, like,

I think any started it where like being, being bi is cap.

Yeah.

You know, it's like, oh, you don't think there's guys who like to to fuck men and women but this guy we know is out there yeah like there's guys who want to lick your shoe before you get on the bus on the bus get the fuck out

you walk outdoors in the city with there is everything out there now would you not do this do uh which one would you let the guy lick your shoes for 40 or would i let him lick my shoe yeah

it depends how nasty he looks this guy right here

let me see it depends how the guy looks yeah i ain't trying to dirty up my shoe you know what i'm saying oh yeah he looks yeah yeah fuck it For what, how much, though?

He said 40?

Yeah, you would need only a shoe?

Yeah, no, it's gotta be more, though.

How much?

I like 100.

Okay, I'll do like 100.

Niana, you would do this, you said.

Yeah, oh, what would be awesome is you get him here to lick any shoes, done,

bro,

100 to pop, yeah, 100 each.

Josh, would you?

I mean, well, first, hold on.

I mean, the first one's 100, and then we'll talk about the next one.

Oh, shit, so he's like, damn, that was a good shoe.

You're like, that's what, let's give you a little taste.

That's right.

Yeah.

He's like, ooh, let me get the other one.

I'm like, yeah, how much you got in your pocket, baby?

Yeah.

What you got in there?

How deep those go?

Cougar with you?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

How much would somebody have to pay you, really, to go on that man's retreat?

On the man's retreat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If somebody's like, oh, it's a three-day retreat, like you have to stay for the, you have to participate like fully in everything, how much would you charge?

What for to send me there?

To go, yeah, like three days.

You know, when you're like, let's say your agent called you and you know how he's like, hey, you want to do the fucking Tomahawk casino in Poughkeepsie or whatever the fuck?

If he's like, hey, I got a man's retreat.

They need you there.

No.

How much, but how, really?

Like, if there's a.

An upsetting amount of money.

Right.

Well, I know you don't want to upset people listening to this pod.

I want to know,

I want to know the number, how much you'd really charge for the weekend.

It's just that it's, yeah, it's a week.

It's like, it's one thing to go to something for a few hours or something, but like, you're talking about giving somebody three days.

If they offered you $200,000.

No.

Wow.

That's amazing.

Yeah, no.

Sorry.

Wow.

$800,000.

Probably not.

He wants to hear the Millie.

He's going for the Millie.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's crazy.

I mean, also,

I have a free weekend now.

800,000, you got to do it for 800,000.

Three days?

Yeah.

Well, you get there Friday and you guys are hugging, and you know, you're really into it.

You know, can I leave after that?

Can I be like, all right, that's it.

Now, you guys, I'll see you.

I'll come back on Sunday to see how it went for you.

No, they're like, you'll hear the gong at 5 a.m.

when you have to come down for, we're doing underwear meditation class.

1.6.

1.6.

1.6.

Well, guys, you heard it here.

If you guys are looking for Tom to come to your retreat, your man's retreat.

And by the way, I won't be fun, and I'm not going to participate.

But that's...

See, I think that's part of it.

Yeah.

I think you have to.

I think you have to cry and scream.

Yeah.

2.5.

Tell them how much you hate your wife.

2.5.

All the details, you have to raise the fucking budget now.

You're right.

2.5.

2.5, man.

Now you are upsetting.

You're upsetting me as a listener.

Well, good.

I I hope so.

And I hope nobody fucking reaches out about this.

2.5 is just...

2.5 is too much.

It's too much.

I know.

That's what I, I want it to be an absurd amount that everybody goes, well, that's fucking stupid.

Exactly.

And I don't want to go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't want to go.

So just to be clear, we didn't cover this in the beginning.

Have you ever gambled on sports?

Yeah.

Oh,

recently?

Not, well,

let's see.

Last season, a little bit, I did a sports book in Vegas and I did

one of the DraftKings thing.

I remember telling you that you should gamble on sports, and you're like, I don't really.

I knew you got it.

You started to do it.

How'd you like it?

I liked it a little bit.

The problem is that, like, a lot of, this is honestly truth.

I work so many times, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

And even with my love of football, I will forget because we're traveling so much,

I will lose track of like games I want to see.

It'll be like Sunday, Monday, and I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ.

Like, I forget about the weekend.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Things that happen when you're home, you kind of go like, oh, it's coming up.

I'm going to watch the games.

But when you're on the road with it, you lose track of time and days so easily

that I miss them a lot.

These games that I was like, that was the game I wanted to watch this week.

I forget that it was on.

You're a big Florida state guy, right?

Yeah, it's fucking rough.

Have you ever bet?

Have you ever bet on them?

Yes.

Yes.

How'd you like that?

One time I I did the biggest asshole thing ever.

Yes.

They were playing,

this is years ago.

Somebody could probably look this up.

They were playing Carolina.

Okay, Chapel Hill.

And the spread was like 31.

And my friend's dad was the coach of Carolina.

And I'm with him.

And I go, I'm going to take the Knolls.

He's like, you're a fucking cunt, you know?

And I bet on it.

They had covered the spread.

And in the literal final three seconds of the game, Carolina kicked a field goal to me.

He got back door.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like,

but that also made me go, Mike, man, how do they nail these spreads?

And also, a spread like that is absurd.

Like 33 points.

Like,

how do you get it down to that?

And where that field goal made it, you know, a 32.

I was like, this is insane.

That's scary, but it was exciting because I was like, I'm going to win this money.

I got really excited.

But see, the reason I love like people are like oh you love to gamble and like yeah you can look at it that way but the truth is like I don't I don't want to play roulette I don't want to play blackjack I don't want to play these things like I don't it's like with the sports betting it's like how when you watch these like like don't fuck with cats where like they try and put all these pieces together of this like murder it's like a when you're watching like these murder things and you're like I think I know who did it like that's how I feel when I'm like studying like sports betting and you're like wait hold on like I think I I think I got something here and then you like put your money where your mouth is and you watch it and then it happens and you're like, oh my god, I need to

How do these motherfuckers who set these spreads do this?

I don't understand how they get it.

How do they nail it so perfectly?

Well, they do and they're very good at it.

But also there's a ton of games where sometimes you're like, it was off by 20.

You just don't remember that stuff.

But they give every team like a power ranking or a power rating.

And then they just, you know.

They you're power ranking against this guy and they go, okay, you're, you should win by seven.

Like you're seven.

And then like, let's say a player gets hurt and he's worth a point.

They're like, okay, now it's six.

And like a quarterback is worth like six six points or whatever, but then a backup could be worth two.

And it's like this whole fucking boring thing.

But it's the most when you like, when you think you see something, like it's like in the matrix of like a sports bet and then you make it and then it happens, it's just the best.

I'm sure.

It's just the best.

And also you start to, you go like, I don't know, that guy's knee is sore.

I don't think he's going to have the, you know, like you get those injury reports and all that.

And you start to factor in when a star is not going to perform as well as you think.

Or you think that somebody's having a breakout you're like i think this kid's going to have a big game and that guy does yeah or there's like hundreds of thousands of people who just hate patrick mahomes because they've lost so much money betting against him yeah that's just so funny to me like you know there's people who jamie's husband hates mahomes just because of that every time he walks in the field he's like this because you just you bet against him you lose yeah yeah it's so funny too there's so many people who hate him just for no

for no reason except for they just lost money lost money that's amazing um well don't forget to check out not today pal every Thursday on the YMH YouTube channel.

You can also listen to it wherever you get podcasts.

Thank you for getting up today, and thank you for coming in and being here.

Thank you for having me.

We love you.

All the time.

Thank you for having me all the time.

Always.

Bye, guys.

One thing I'm going to say right now is that these dress comments need us off immediately.

I am tired of seeing my comments.

They've blown off everything.

Don't hold a new dress.

My discolorable dress.

They're not all.

So I suggest you knock it all off without being wearing rackets and have them in my wardrobe.

Because I don't know I have any plans to buy more.

Because I only have one dress I keep locked up because it's my wife's wedding dress.

That is enough.

Is enough.

Because my whole time wardrobe is bombs.

Work shirts, work pants, and military issues.

Military issues go to.

Military issues go to a booth

Work shirts, work pants, military issues go to a booth, work shirts, work pants, military issues go to a booth, work shorts, work pants military issues go to a booth, work shorts, work pants, military issues go to a boot, work shirts, work pants, military issues go to a booth, work shirts, work pants, military issues go to a booth, work shirts, work pants, military issues go to a booth, work shirts, work pants, military issues go to a booth, work shirts, work pants

Military issues go to a a boot.

Work shorts, work pants.

Military instruments go to a booth.

Military instruments go to a booth.

Hey, you just watched an episode of your mom's house.

I hope you enjoyed it.

And if not, watch another one.

Maybe you'll like that one.

They're everywhere.

Look, I don't know.

You place them in like cubes or squares or whatever this is.

Just click another one.

Maybe you'll find one you like.

Or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that.

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