Our Favourite Canadian(s) w/ Ian Bagg | Your Mom's House Ep. 829

Will you guys be upset if I do it in English?

Yeah, no, you do it your way. You do it Nayana's way.
Okay. I don't know any other language.
You don't speak any other language.

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Muganda Umaga, everyone.

Wow, that's pretty cool. Welcome to the diverse world of your mom's house.
Muganda Moon Chaka.

I guess that's more any.

Fucking crazy.

It's fucking 10:30 right now.

How did they do it? Remember?

That was like fucking, that was some ARAP shit.

You can't, you can't. Oh, Lola.
what the fuck was that? You can't. I know.
You can't do that shit. Don't you have to go out into the woods right now and grab lunch somewhere? What the fuck?

And he is very tall and slender. Like, if we dropped him somewhere in Namibia, he could easily pass.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I'm going to fuck shit up. No problem.
He'd be like,

he's home.

Yeah. Great.

Do you think he would whip them into shape, though? Like,

he would be their leader probably very quickly.

I don't know how receptive they would be to, like, oh, the new guy's here, he's the leader. I don't think so.
Yeah, I think they would be like, What's with all the clothes? And

yeah, just kind of go from there. That's true.
But Muhaga La La La Liana

is half Filipino. I forget about that.
Right? I've totally forgotten that. A quarter.
A quarter, sorry, a quarter.

Well, it's still something. So am I, by the way.

You're a quarter Filipino? Yeah. Yeah.
I always forget we don't. Yeah, everybody forgets that.
Tanner is also Filipino. Jesus, that's enough.
Can we put a fucking hiring freeze in place?

You're telling me. Jesus.

Three Filipinos?

It's insane. I don't even know there were Filipinos in Texas.
We brought them. Yeah.
We brought all three. Jesus.

That's a lot. Yeah.

Well,

anyway, we're done with that shit. You don't have to worry about any more of those.

Welcome to another episode. I'm here with

Nori. And I'm Tom, and we are.

Mopov. We're excited.
Today's going to be a lot of fun. Oh, man.
One of our all-time faves is coming in. This is going to be fun.
He's an old school guest, and we went to South Africa. We did.

Yeah, we actually did.

We saw it all there. I know.
I miss him so much. The dyed orange beards.
That's so cool. Yeah.
Yeah. I can't wait to see him.

Yeah.

Real quick, of course, happy Rush Hashanah. I know that there's a,

this is coming out, I believe, during Rush Hashanah. Is that right?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And I see you wore your especially Jewish hair. Thank you.
Yeah, what's going on? It's terrible, but it's okay. I'm doing terrible.
You know what?

I finally tried to embrace the Jew. Sure.
And I'm doing it to celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

A fucking Jewel. Didn't you have the Jew for I was a kid? As a kid, yeah.
That's sick. It wasn't.
It was terrible. No, that's sick.
I'm bringing it back.

Whatever you had before was much better, don't you think, Tom? Well, I don't, I kind of dig this.

I feel like we're watching him evolve and change, you know, like he's turning into like a real adult, so you've got to kind of fuck with different looks. Yeah, I love the stash.
I appreciate it.

I don't know if I believe you, but thank you. No, I do.
I like this. I know Christina hates it.

Oh, I like it. I'm not interested.
I like it. What do you like about it? It's just there's masculine energy that kind of comes off of it.
That's true. Josh is a very masculine young man.
Yeah. Yeah.

But I don't like his bangs. Curt you, motherfucker, you? Yeah.
Curly bangs are very hard to do. We push the bangs back.
Push them back.

So I know this is being recorded, obviously, before. Since you're taking off your holy day, what will you do on Rosh Hashanah?

I'll say Happy New Year if I see a Jew, and that's about it because I don't really know what else we do on this thing. You don't even know? You don't know what happens?

Never in my life have we really done anything for Rosh Hashanah. Your family never did anything growing up? Yom Kippur is what comes like after it, I think, and you like fast and repent or something.

Would you guys do that? My dad would do it. Yeah.
Just your dad. I'd try a little bit, but

I love it. So, Rosh Hashanah, though, nothing.

We would do nothing.

What's traditionally done? Like service, gifts? Yeah, I'm sure. Big dinner.
Yeah, I'm sure.

They go to temple. They eat a bunch of shitty food.
Yeah. Is it really shitty? You're an exemplary Jew, man.
I'm a terrible Jewish. Wait, is it the matzo, like the unleavened stuff? That's Passover.

What do you guys eat? I mean, what's like

Kreplock soup and the good stuff that I like? Locks? You guys have locks and bagels? Locks for sure, I think.

A lot of dry, shitty chicken.

Chicken. Do you guys, do you other

people types, do you guys do something special for like Filipino special holidays?

No.

I think they're just happy to be here. Yeah.
And not in the Philippines. Wow.
Philippines are great, though. Have you been no but i've heard wonderful things

i think it's uh i think it's great if you're really rich

if you're not it's not that great yeah i heard you can get a house really cheap yeah that's pretty cool that is cool and you can have a live-in servant who sleeps in your laundry room isn't that true geez no i'm serious you can have like a slave like a live-in that's a different word but okay you just said live-in servant oh but they barely pay them anything and then i saw this documentary where like on the servants day off or one day off they go into like the city center and they play card games and they talk.

It's all, they're all cramped up together. It's different.
Okay. This is, wow.

What, am I wrong, Niona? Have you been there? Yeah, my family lives below the poverty line there. So it's a one-bedroom house with 20 people.
And the live-in maid is my aunt that's deaf and mute.

And she sleeps in the backyard.

Told you? Yeah, you were shockingly accurate.

No, you never believe me. I know these things.
I have Filipino friends. Shockingly accurate.
Remember my Filipino friend baggy.

She'd tell me this stuff and she'd make Lumpia for us and all that stuff. Okay, well, I'll go out and just say this.
I'd like to visit the Philippines.

Go ahead. Okay.
Is there a four seasons there? Because

I want the real experience.

With the people? Yes.

Yes.

I'm sure Neana's family, I'm sure they're the nicest people in the world and they'll put you up because they're so sweet. What about you, Annie? Do you ever visit family in the Philippines?

No, I'm pretty sure all my Filipino family is here. Okay.
I don't think I have any.

Good move, buddy. Good move.
Yeah.

Yeah. This is where it's at.

All right. I was just telling Tom this morning about

when I would go to Hungary, like right when communism fell. Yeah.
And I ordered spaghetti in 1990 or whatever, and they brought me pasta with ketchup on it. And I was like, what the fuck is this?

And my dad's like, they don't have tomato. There's no, there's no sauce here.
There's like nothing in 1990. Wow.
It's pretty shitty. Yeah.

Kind of cool, though.

Kind of a cool thing.

One of my sisters, she lived for a summer in the Republic of Georgia.

And when she got back, we were like, so what was the food like? She goes, we ate flowers a lot.

Like we would just eat the petals of a flower. Dang.

All right.

It's better now, though. Yeah, yeah.
This was 93 or 4. That's wild that they let her go alone to the Republic of Georgia.
I'm not sure I'd want to go there now alone as a lady. Yeah, I'd check it out.

I'm curious. You're a curious Cosby.
I'm a curious Cosby.

All right, ready to start the show? Got some good stuff for you, man. Yeah, bro.
Here we go. Yeah, dog.

Hello, my name is Sandra. Hi, Sandra.
Give me a father.

I've only been with one man in my life, and we're divorced. Oh, I'm looking for men.

Nice.

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother to this. Your mama fucking stand.

I'm divorced.

I'll follow.

Christina, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is one of my

favorite favorite uses of social media. Yeah, me too.
This is really good.

Tom

Little.

Do you know? Did you realize that this lady is my new model for my lipstick? Oh, wow.

Oh, that's great. She's the one.
And I have this new shade coming out. It's going to come out later.
It is exclusive to Sandra and you? That's right. She's my first official TikTok influencer.

Okay. She's wearing one of my new shades.
You're going to like the way you look, I guarantee it. And I've got four other colors.
ChristinaP.com, buy your lipsticks here. Okay, they're so good.

But yes, Sandra's testing, test piloting a few few different things.

What do you think? She got your attention.

She got my attention more than one way. I think the lipstick is the first thing you notice.
Then you notice other things, but the lipstick is great.

So don't forget to get Christina P's, you know, Perfect Red or Berlin or Madison or Atomic Red. Something for everyone.
There's something for everyone. Well, we chose this color for her.

What do you think? What do you think of

just putting it out there like this? I guess this is... It's the only way as a woman.
And it says everything. She says everything.

What do you think of the choice of doing a social media call for love as opposed to just getting on a dating site where it's designed for that? I'll tell you what.

I think it's a little better to go on TikTok and just put it out there. I'm divorced versus

getting on Hinge or

because I can do a deep dive on your posts, on your social

and really get in there. Whereas I guess on the apps, I'd have to like hunt for you.
Yeah. Well, either way, you guys know what to do.
Go

on Instagram. I think it's from Instagram.

Give me a follow. Give her a follow.
Give me a follow. Give her a follow and see if maybe you're single.
Maybe you're looking for someone. I have to say.
She's only been with one guy.

And that's the big selling point. Yeah.
I'm not run through. I'm not a fucking trash bag.
That's what I'm talking about. And I really like that from her.
I do too.

She's like, you know, saving herself for somebody worthy. Yes.
I think she's going to find that person, that man. Yeah.
And she specifies, hey, I want a man. I've only had one D in me.
I'm available.

I'm recently divorced. Yeah.
And give me a follow. Yeah.
She's four things I need. So you like this? Love it.
Oh, okay. Well, that's why she's the official spokesperson for my lipstick.

So there's one way of doing it. Another way, I've always been a big fan of when you use social media as a public forum to address one person.
That's fine.

I think that's one of the most clever things you can do is just publicly address one person.

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Jennifer, I hope you get this video.

Yeah, on a 200-hour lithium batteries,

you're only going to get eight hours no matter what.

I got a 5,000 BTU. Oh shit.
I'm probably running the same kind of water.

Oh. Yeah, and then I run my generator to charge up the batteries because the solar panels ain't gonna do that.
That's what I've heard. Yeah, so I have it ready for the next day.
Okay.

Try not to use any more than you have to. Right.
Right. I mean, I everything's shut up right now.
See, I see that. Yeah.

It's cooled up enough in here where I don't need it. You know, open a window or something if you can.

But yeah, I got a 2400 watt generator

and

I run

the batteries. I don't run them all down right see the and what's interesting is that this is for Jennifer, but everybody gets to see it.
That's why I think it's cool.

Well, I think it's interesting as somebody who just lives in the scaffolding of a building

He elected not to put in insulation. Well, he's in the attic.
Yeah, it's cool. He's living in an attic.
So that's why he needs all those BTUs. You know what we got to start doing?

Energy Energy just seeps right out. We have to start doing

public videos for one person. For one person.
We have to start. I can't do it.
It's Christina. Listen.
Ellis is sick and needs cough syrup.

I saw what you sent. So what I'm using over at the house right now is there's these water glass bottles that come, and it's just, you don't waste as much as with the plastic.
Here's my setup.

And this just, this is just for Ryan. It's just for Ryan.
Yeah.

I don't know. But hey, kudos to him for even getting on TikTok.
Hey, Kirk, we're moving the flight up to one. I don't know when you would get in town, but the airport is the same when we go out.

Please start doing it. I'll just start.
See, I'll see you there. Okay.
Will you start doing this? You know how furious people would be. Yeah.
Why are you fucking posting this?

I'm like, so in case Kirk sees it,

it's just for him. It's like back in the 90s when you'd have a dorm room and then you'd put like a post-it note on your friend's door.
Like, I fucking hope they see this.

And change the plan for the room.

We used to have codes for I'm fucking no kidding or I'm trying to get some in this room. So you put a certain color notepad on the door.
That just meant don't knock. Don't try to come in.
Wow.

What was your color?

I can't remember. Brown.

Something like that. Yeah.
It just meant like keep walking. Don't knock.
Yeah. I'm jacking my D right now.
Speaking of jacking my D right now. Yeah.

Fuck around and find out sold for $60,000 US dollars.

Thank you. You did it, man.
You did it. You just had the wrong price point.
It was the the wrong price point. I made it more accessible, whatever.
And now I'm selling prints.

A fuck around and find out. You can find that now on the YMH website.
Yep, sold, gone. Incredible.

Oh,

are we gone already? That's the original. But that's not the posters, right?

Anyway, the posters there. You can buy an autographed print for a measly $50.
Wow, but that's the way a lot of people can get the great artwork.

Yes, and I've decided after much going back and forth, I'm going to put Tom Segura Naked with the bear, the original for sale on ymh.com. This one I'm going to lower.

The original will be on sale for $1,000.

And if you're wondering why my sticker is covering the best part of the picture, the drawing, obviously.

The terrifyingly accurate section. That's right.
We were flagged on

the service that we were putting videos on. They said it was,

you know, nudity. Which is,

it was barely nudity because it was barely there.

And it's called art. You know, do you, is Michelangelo's David lewd, lurid? No, it's art.
This is such an American outrage.

That's very American.

Is there a hint of nudity? What if somebody sees a... There was a fucking time where they wanted to put cloth over the

statue of justice that's inside. Yeah, yeah.
Why? They show her to the bottom of the city. Because the breasts are out.
And they're like, well, what the fuck? We got to cover these up.

It's like a a statue of a breast. Okay.
Especially because everybody has these parts. It's like, who's flipping out that you saw a statue of a breast?

And it's not like this other statue was sucking on that statue. No, it wasn't like there was nut all over the tits.
That would be crazy. Like, here's your justice.
Yeah. No, it's so crazy.

It's crazy here. No, they are very prude about that.
It's so weird. That's why I'm fighting the good fight, Tom.
So you're making this an accessible price. Yeah, $1,000, the original for sale.
Wow.

At ymh.com. And then we'll see it in the middle of the day.
You're really for the people. I am for the people.
Thank you. And spreading my art through the world.
Yeah, that's really cool.

Yeah, that is so funny. Why are Americans so excited about dicks? It's so weird, man.
Boobs. And there's like no, not a lot of nude beaches.
Whereas like Germans always naked. They love it.

They're just not weird about the human body there. No, they shouldn't be.
I know, I agree. Yeah.
All right.

This email came in, and we're all we've been marinating on it.

It's so interesting. Yeah, should I read it? Yeah,

okay, it's actually addressed to you.

So it says, Christina, I don't know if you ever, if you'll ever see this, I hope you will. I'd like you to settle an argument between my husband and I.
My husband,

nobody cared a story of mine in front of a group of friends. So, as in, I'm telling a funny story and he says nobody cares.

It's two days later, and I'm still not talking to that motherfucker. Yeah, I've got 15 years of service in with this bastard, and I can go much longer than two days.

I think nobody cares, and it wasn't that funny, are two of the meanest things a person can say to someone who is a natural-born comedian, in parentheses, me.

As a real comedian, do you agree, or am I being ridiculous? Thank you, Jen.

Jen, I mean, this sparked a hot debate. It did, because here's the thing.

One of the things that's being left out of this scenario is the context of what is happening.

In other words, if you're just having a good old time hanging out with friends, somebody, let's say you in this case, tells a story, and in that, hey, we're having fun atmosphere, I go, nobody cares.

I think it's like, it's one of the most dismissive and rude things that somebody can say. It's really rude, right? Oh, boy.

Oh, God, I'm going to pee.

Did it register?

It's back. It's back.
Thank you, guys. Thank you so much for your support.
I appreciate everybody that worked so hard to bring back the fart mic.

I'm sorry, were you saying something?

So

that one, you know.

But my question is like,

okay, but paint the full picture.

I agree. What I'm saying is, were you being a fucking bitch all day? Wow.

Are you kind of an asshole? Was the story one that ridiculed him?

Is that why it's funny? That's what I was thinking. It feels like we don't know.
Because like I said, if everything's great and anybody, whoever your

spouse or girlfriend, boyfriend is, just goes, nobody cares. Like, that's a real asshole thing to say.

Why is this guy saying that? Is he saying it? Because he's just a huge dick? No, I think there's two possible scenarios.

One is that the story is actually so bad and insufferable, and she's told it numerous times, and it never gets a laugh, but she insists on telling the story.

And he's like, he's heard it for 15 years, and he's like, dude,

nobody likes this bit. Stop doing the bit, Jen.
We need more information.

But another one, too, is maybe it is a story where he feels degraded and diminished. That's another possible story.
It's been fucking 15 years of this. Nobody cares.
Yes.

Melissa, that one time I took out the trash and there was a hole in the bag and the trash fell out. Everybody does that.
Right, right, right. We just don't know.

But as a blanket, like just as on that, from what information she provides, like, could you even imagine? That's what I'm saying.

It's so clearly that he's in the wrong with the presentation of this story. I want to know, fuck, are you an asshole? Yeah.
And is that why he's saying this?

Because that is such a dismissive thing. It's terrible.

It's grounds for dismissal. It's really bad.
Like if we were dating and I told a story and you go, nobody cares. I'd be like, oh, boy, this is done.
Wow,

you're with a group and everyone's like having a good time

just to toss somebody a nobody cares. See,

I think she belittled him.

I think there's more to this. We have couple friends.
Yes.

Where the woman

constantly diminishes the man in front of everybody. Maybe that's the one time he stood up for himself.

All this is possible. And look, to be clear, maybe you hear all of this, what we're saying, and you go, I understand your questions.
None of those are true.

We were just having a good old time, and this guy tossed me a nobody cares.

Two days, I wouldn't talk to him for two years. If you said nobody cares.
Comedians don't even do that to each other when a joke bombs in the room. No.

You never go. Nobody cares.
No. If a heckler did that, you would fucking punch him in a stupid face, right? Yeah.
Nobody cares. Nobody cares is like a fucking Instagram comment.

It's really rarely said. You know what I mean? In front of people.
Like, I guess if you were like super tight and you guys have a rapport of like busting balls all the time, nobody cared.

But like, there's also a way in which you say that to like your friend, you know?

I have to say, though, when a

particularly when like a female celebrity posts some stupid selfie or like something

and somebody goes, nobody cares in the comments. It makes my day every time because I would never do that, but I like when someone else does it.

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Enhance your everyday with Vaya. I did kind of a nobody cares at one of these Emmy parties.
You did. Yeah.
This lady comes up to me and,

you know, she's in her evening gown. And she was like, she had an accent.
She was like, do you have a cigarette or a vape or something? Oh, vibe or something. And I go, no, I have a nicotine pouch.

And she goes, that's so gay.

And I go, it's not as gay as a fucking vape like that and I pointed in her face and she was like okay okay and I'm like so that's what I got you want one she was like no I'm like okay cool well first of all I agree with you yeah what you do is not gay at all it's very masculine it's not gay in the least yeah she's a gay lord she's a fucking gay and i got to dismiss her in a fun way too yeah

because um i said that and i was like so you don't want one she was like no i go where are you from she was like, it's Geis. Geese.
And I was like, I don't know. Jaytown.
Norway, Denmark. No, no.

And then I was like, all right, so where? She goes, well, guess. I go, I already guessed.
And then I turned.

Yeah.

You know what? I'm so glad that you're rude to strange women in public. That really warms my heart.
Yeah.

It was fun. It was fun to

go, like, I'm not interested, really. I was just being polite.

That's nice. Yeah.
I like that you're mean to attractive women. It's cool.
Cool. That's why I like male comics.

They don't care

for hot chicks because they've been beaten up by women.

Interested. I was like, fucking go suck on a vape somewhere else, lady.
Yeah.

That's my man. Big gay fucking homo lady.
That's like me when that lady was like, do you have a husband? I was like, of course I have a fucking husband. The next thing that I was going to say,

when she was like, you keep guessing, I was going to be like, nobody cares. Nobody cares.
It's not that interesting. Yeah, you're not that interesting.
No. Gosh, what was I?

Also, the endless keep guessing. It's like, what do you, what it's not, you know, if you want to be like, guess where I'm from, like, all right, I'll guess.
Bop, bop, no, okay, where are you from?

Keep guessing. You just don't keep guessing.
Don't do that. Nobody really wants to guess.
It's not, nobody wants to get a woman to guess 30 countries.

Well, and not only that, she probably gets asked that question so frequently, where are you from? She should have a better answer by now. I know why I fucking reacted this way.
Why?

Because my mother loves that game. Yes.

My whole life. Oh, yeah.
Whenever we're anywhere, they go, oh, where are you from? She'll go, geese.

And then they go,

Russia. No.

And they're like, Germany? She's like, not even close.

And then they finally go over to Latin America. And of course, they're like, Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, keep gas.
And I'm like, just fucking tell him where you're from.

Like, he's not going to get it right. Just tell him.
He's never going to get, especially Americans. They don't know where anything is.
They're not going to want to.

My dad had a good answer when people be like, where are you from? He's like, China. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like, dead faced. And I'm like, that's kind of funny.
I like that. She would do that sometimes.

But she didn't do that on the long guess. She would do that as the immediate answer, like he did.
So they would go, where are you from? She was like, Chinese.

And then they would go, for real?

And she would go, yes, I speak Chinese.

And she would do that to them. And they were like, all right.
It's a little too far.

And then I would pretend to translate. That was when it was fun.
I go, oh, she says you have really pretty eyes.

They were like, oh, tell her thank you.

Yeah. it's fun

yeah yeah whatever nobody cares nobody cares tom i know

i know

i know

i know

what happened to him i'm looking for a girl i'm looking oh girl he's probably out there girlfriend everybody's switching teams now it's been so long possibly to hold hands with remember he got so excited

to go to the movies i hope he found love that was a sweet kid he was sweet It was one of the more innocent clips we've ever played. Here's another one.
Oh.

What'd you say? You doing some drugs? No.

No? Well, I just want to bite your sexy ass. That's alright.
You step back, boy. Oh, boy.
Boy. High-five.
Get out of here, kid. Hey, don't make me get a sexy bite on you.

Are you serious, kid? I'll eat the fuck out of your ass.

Are you serious, kid? Dead serious.

So that's what you're trying to do. Pick a fight.
I want to eat your ass. That's what you're trying to do.
Pick a fight. I just want to eat your ass.
So you work for Walmart?

No, I want to eat your ass.

Alright.

I'll eat your ass one day.

See? That was sweet, too. I could watch this all day.
I know. Like some young kid going up to old dudes who have never even heard such a thing.
And they're like, what?

The real move for that old guy, he should have just grabbed him by the collar. Just be like, like, try to, you know.

Grabbed him by the

pull his pants down and grabbed that kid by the collar and mush his face in his ass and go prove it, dickhead. And you know that that older man, he doesn't have the freshest asshole right now.
Nope.

He's been out.

He's eaten. He's probably had a few drinks.
His ass is pretty gamey. Yeah.
So if you shove that young kid's face in your asshole right now, he's going to remember it.

But that is

the move if you are an older man. Is grab someone by the collar and make them eat your asshole.
Well,

that's the move. It is the move when you're being disrespected in public on fucking somebody's stupid phone, and you're like, yeah, come here, little shit fuck.
Yeah. Come here, eat my butt.
Yeah.

I really don't like actually, honestly, like fucking with people like this. I do.
You do? I don't like it. I like it when it's between two males because there's always the danger of a fight breaking.

I know, but here's the thing. That guy that's getting into his car, he's not bothering anybody.
I know. That's why I don't think it's cool.
Well, I think, here's why I think it's okay.

Because older guys are generally calmer, they're usually dads and or granddads, so they're used to kids being kind of jerks, like you know what I mean. Older persons like us,

you're like, All right, kid, what you got? But you want someone to come fuck with you? I don't think you do, actually.

I don't know. No, I do know.
I don't know.

No, you don't like it. We'll see.
If you were doing it, but if some lady was like, I want to eat your box, Jordan, Jordan Jensen's like, What? What?

The opposite.

Yeah, like some older lesbian or younger lesbian comes up to me and she's like,

she's not gay. I know.
I know. I know.
We know that. But this is a bit.
It's a bit. It's for the bit.
Tell me the bit.

Yeah, and it's like her prank thing. Going up to like an older ladies.
Older ladies and being like, I want to, can I eat your box?

I might be like, all right.

See, I know you too well.

None of this is true. Like, you want to what? No, you would, if you were like going to your car right now, you'd go, hey, fuck off, man.
Okay.

Yeah, that's how you would be. Yeah, that's true.
And you're like, oh, it would be fun. No, it wouldn't.
But I like to watch other people suffer. I see.
That's my, that's a, I do enjoy,

I love Schadenfreude. I love it.
Schadenfreude,

I fucking love other people's misery. Yeah.
You know what I really love? This is pretty dark, too.

I love it when people get all the fame and all the success and all the money and they're still empty inside. Yeah.
I fucking live for that. Like what?

The Instagram where you just know that person is so fucking empty inside. But you can, by what they post, you can tell.
Yeah, you're like, ooh, this thirst trap, like this empty void inside.

Like, oh, it's so deep. It's so bad.
You know, and the external is like, everything's great. That makes me so fucking

big.

God, I like that. The big one that I consistently see

as the big tell

is the people who constantly post about the joy of their relationship. Big time losers.

Yeah.

And especially in like celebrity culture. Ooh, they hate each other.
I'm with my love. My partner.

Or like this man and I, this wonderful man and I have spun around Earth, the Sun, 30 times together. We have two children.

And

if it's a self-taken photo and the

image is of like,

you know like

Like like it's like this was a captured candid photo, but that means you went like this and then you were like look at me and you're like oh

and they're like that's it

just us natural love and you're like that's not how that photo came about.

I know I read sorry I probably saw some tick tock thing that was like women in relationships who pose who do like thirst trap photos

are the unhappiest. Like

if you're a married lady and you're like, oh my God, look at me in my bikini.

Something's wrong. That's not going to last too long.
It's okay. Do what you want.

Speaking of. Wait, am I the worst person? Because I love it when I, the more success someone gets, the emptier I know they feel.
Well, that's not necessarily that you know that they're empty.

It's just you're like. So anyone who has success.
People that I know that are doing things are, I know. Oh, but you're talking about a specific combination of things.
Yeah.

You're not saying that anybody who has success is unhappy.

No.

There's a specific type that I really get a joy from. I know what you're saying.
Yeah. I know what you're saying.
Because it's never enough.

I think I even know who you're thinking. It's never enough.
I know. I know.
Yeah. That makes me happy.
It fills you with joy. Yeah.
They're spiritual unencumbered. No, it's honest.

What you're saying right now is something that people are reluctant to say, but a lot of them actually feel the same way. They're pieces of shit like me.
Yeah.

But then I'm pretending like I'm so spiritually enlightened and I'm not because I'm enjoying someone else's existential state. Well, we're all fucked up and nobody cares about anything but themselves.

Nobody cares about me or you.

You know who gives a fuck about you, who should? Is your mom. But that doesn't count because they don't.

Neither did mine.

Yeah, they don't. That's why I'm so fucked up.
I think my dad did. I don't know.
Your dad loved you. Your dad really gave a shit.
I know. You know what I mean? He liked you very much.

I fucking cried watching. I can't believe I cried watching a Steve Harvey clip.

It was in my stories. The Family Feud? It wasn't from Family Feud.
It was him talking about when his dad died. Oh, damn.
And I watched it and I cried. It was really good.
Yeah.

Can you tell me what he said? I mean, we should probably just play the clip. Yeah, can't we? No, I'm going to cry.
Yeah, it's tear worthy. Can you find it?

If you go to my stories and through some of the things. Is this a setup? And he's

like bitches, you pussy stay. No, no, no, no.
It's not. It's not.

It was really good. I wish I had a dad that loved me.
But it did make me cry.

Or even a mom that loved me.

Quote that I learned that helped me with my father's death, and I couldn't understand why it was beating me up so bad. When a man's father dies,

he realizes that the one man who truly wanted him to be better than him is gone.

Your father is the only man

that has ever wanted you to be better than him. There ain't another man living wants you to be better than him.
Bruh. I've never heard that.
I love you, man, but I don't want you to be better than me.

That's real. Your father wants you to be better than him.

And when he dies, you realize, and the part that fucked me so bad was,

I don't feel like crying today.

Man, the only thing, how about that? Listen, man.

I didn't have nobody

when my daddy died.

I didn't have

nobody

to say they was proud of me.

It fucked me up.

Yeah. Because you know my dad

used to call me and said, man, I'm so proud.

And when he died, man,

nobody said that to me no more.

Nobody.

And it's kind of crazy, man.

Until I married Marjorie, nobody said they was proud of me. So loser, that's what

the fuck part for me was with him. He came to all my shows live.
I'd fly him out. My mother never saw me because she didn't want to hear me cussing.

So my mother never saw me. My dad, even if the show was sold out, I'd make him take a fold-away chair and pop it up for him and my brother.
My dad would sit down there

and he was sitting next to this lady one time. She said, oh, well, you must be special, sir.
They didn't put a fold away chair in there. He said, yeah.

You know that boy that finally come out here, Steve Harvey? That's my son.

All these niggas in here done paid to see this boy, right?

And my father would sit there, man.

And I sent him money all the time. My mother said, your daddy go down there with that check in his pocket with his gun.

And everybody was trying to figure it out. Mr.
Harvey, where is you getting all this money from? You seen the TV show, the Steve Harvey show? They say, yeah, that's my boy right there.

And

that gave me the juice I needed.

When he left, man,

that fucked me.

So, yeah, that broke me last night. Yeah.
Yeah, and then I, you know, the funny thing is, I reposted it because I was just like, oh, you know, I don't think too much about it. I just reposted it.

I got hit up by so many people about how it affected people who have lost their dads. Like, so many people replied to it.
Yeah. That's got to be,

yeah, that's got to be crazy to have someone that actually, really, I mean, he really did love and support you. Yeah.
Throughout, like, we were the brokest, leanest years and the best. And, you know,

that's got to be hard to have someone who actually like really rooted for you. Yeah.
And he was the only person that I would basically call about anything. I'd be like, this is happening.

It was always like, yeah. And it just goes away.
He's right. It totally just goes away.
Well, I'm proud of you. I know you are.
Doesn't count. It's not the same.
Yeah, but it's still nice. Yeah.

Are you proud of this guy? Sure.

It's fancy.

Oh, it's fancy and nice, though. Actually, the crazy thing is, you know, this was interesting.
Yeah. He took this down.
What? I don't know.

I don't know if he was, it wasn't up to his standards of like videography or the

maybe the food wasn't exactly as we couldn't figure it out, but he actually took this one down.

Interesting, right?

You just want someone to call you and say, I'm proud of you.

What happened there? I don't know, but it was crazy that he put that on Instagram, isn't it? What's going on? And it wasn't a frame. It was a nice, long, deliberate.

Here's something else that I have. Was that also on his menu is what I'm wondering.
Nah, I believe if the price is right, it's kind of everything available. Is that why it costs $5,000 and up?

Is that included? His scale and how it slides is fascinating. Well, can I tell you something? As an artist,

that's right, because you just sell artwork. Some days he's just like 100 grand.
Some days he's like, it's 100 bucks. Next day it says 4 million.
Next day, 5, it's all over the place.

But I guess it's just kind of how you feel. It is how you feel.
What do you think possessed that?

And he's not one to make edits. That's really crazy that he did an edit in his video.
He usually doesn't do that. You want to tell the audience that can't see this what we saw? Oh, um.

So we saw cakes and we saw strawberries and table set. And then what happened next? Well, it was like

a big chocolate bar.

It was a chocolate bar. It was a king-sized Snickers.
Yeah. It was his Snickers.
In the thing.

His Snickers bar was. He put his three-quarters

full penis. Erect.
Pretty close. And he didn't touch it, but he waggled it.
He waggled it from the bottom so you couldn't see his hands, but it said hello. And then

it came out. And for a minute.

Yeah, that's the thing is it wasn't like hey what did it you get to go oh wasn't spliced in there maybe he was just super horny when he made this i think so yeah he just put it out there

wow that was crazy pretty crazy you should do that for your next promo for your episode oh i'm doing that i'm doing that yeah we have to put his in there not yours

i would like people to know what i got you know they do if they can buy my photo yeah that's right i don't have to show anybody anymore that's pretty cool they know exactly what you're working at physique god damn Tom.

Been working hard. All right, let's take a quick break.
Sure. And we'll be back with one of our all-time faves.

All right. And we are back.
And

our guest, who we're so happy to have here, is currently on his institutionalized tour. You can get tickets at ianbag.com.
You can see his podcast, Husky Boys, which he hosts with Robert Oberst.

Give it up for Ian Bag. Ian Baggles.

It's so good to see you guys. I know.

We love It's been too long

and you guys have been too busy and I've just watched you from the sidelines. It's been longer.
Hoping for a trip. Yes.
And then when you guys get hurt, I get happy.

Great.

Great.

You know, when you guys have gotten hurt a couple times, I get uncomfortable reaching out because I do care about you. I know.
I know the feeling. You know the feeling you're talking about.

I'm like, oh, holy fuck, guys. Yeah.
Are you okay?

And instead, you're just like,

I guess.

That's what you do. You shouldn't have done that, huh?

Stupid.

Yeah, well, he's Canadian folks. You know how they are.
Now,

dude, we've known you 20 years, man. We've known each other five hours.
Yeah. It's a really nice podcast we did five hours ago.
So, but we

20 years. And we went to South Africa with you for a comedy festival, and that was a million years ago.

In 2012? That was

right after apartheid, we went. Yes,

it was still very fresh. It was still very fresh.
There were fountains.

Remember, down to the beach, there was that fountain. Do you guys remember that? And the apartheid museum and all the museums.

They took us, and then we all were bummed out, and then everyone was like, look how sad they are. Isn't that hilarious?

True, yeah. Yeah, David Cowell.

Oh, yeah. He was like, good night.
We took the whites to the apartheid museum today.

Left them there.

He was

South Africa's number two comedian. Yeah.
And he was he was such a nice guy, but

that got to him. It got, he was.
He's just like. Oh, right.
Being number two. Yeah, he was just like.

Number one was the export. Yeah.
Yeah.

Trevor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and he's just like, that guy has taken everything.
Yeah, but David Halco. Blacks only.
Blex only. Blex only.
With one white on it. Yeah.

Who's the white? He'd switch whites up. Switch a white.

I would love to be the one white. Well, because I remember he gave us t-shirts for blacks only.
That was awesome. And then we had.
I rocked him. And then people were like, what's going on?

It's a gym in South Africa. Blacks only.
You are black.

Blacks only.

And what else would we say we were down there? Pleasure. Pleasure.

Pleasure was creepy.

Pleasure was so creepy.

It was their way of saying, you're welcome or don't worry about us. You go, thanks for bringing that.
Pleasure.

Pleasure.

Smiling with their dead eyes. Yeah.
Plaja. Pleasure.
Plaja. Remember that hotel? How weird it was? The Joburg one or the Joburg one.

It was like a cassette.

Yeah, it was like a villa. Yeah.

And they were like, don't go outside. Yeah.
You'll definitely get robbed or die. Yeah.
You're like, all right.

I went another time with Bobby Lee. He got robbed.
And he got robbed. No.
Yeah. And I was in a store and he comes running in.
And I just got robbed. And I go, was the guy black?

And he goes, it's fucking South Africa. Of course he was black.

How did he get? Was he like tackled or something? No, I think he just got pushed around. I don't know.
You never know with Bobby how the story starts.

Was he out in the mall? He was out looking for cigarettes. There you go.

Where they told you not to go. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Don't go there. He goes, I'll go there.
Yeah. And remember Zane? Remember Zane? Yeah.
And he was all like,

I tell you. Remember, he yells, I tell you not to go.

It was Indian South African. Yes.
Yes. Kalad.
Yeah. So when my

on the other trip, my wife came over and

it was in Cape Town, right? We went to Johannesburg and what was the other place? Durban. Durban.
Yeah. Where a million blacks go to the beach.
The ocean. Yeah.

On New Year's Day. That's right.
They touch it and come in.

And you referenced that during a you referenced it during a show and it fucking because you were like he's like I know you want them to keep going in the ocean never come back

they do oh that was hilarious

it was so much fun and we're just their racial system there or what what they came out of yeah so people don't know is not just white and black right all the shades matter so white black and colored colored mix of white there's a huge indian population in south africa yeah they're considered colored and what he would take pride in he was like he's like yeah you know the whites you can tell whatever you know you can say whatever you want to us he's like but we we can say whatever we want to the blacks.

Watch this.

He's like, I'm right in the middle. He was so funny that.
He was low. Oh, my God.
Yeah. And then, and then at the end of the tour, you're like, oh, he's got a bunch of guns under that thing.

He's trying to protect us. I had no idea.
I had no idea. But he would also yell stuff out the window

while driving. While driving us.
And he was too big for the car. Remember?

Africa. Yeah.

And you know why it was so special? That's the old joke. That's the old joke guys.
That's the old joke. We always tell him to to pull his jeans up.
You need to pull your jeans up. Pull your jeans up.

That was the joke. Is that where jeans came from? Yeah, that was a starting movie.
But we were just like, hey, why don't you get bigger jeans? And we would all ride them.

And then the second day he's like, it's the old joke. Keep making the old joke.

Come on, guys. It's the old joke.

And then his partner, do you remember his partner? No. His partner was serious.
He would only show up in like a Mercedes, check things. Oh, with security.
Yeah. I didn't realize how dangerous it was.

And also, it was the first trip that was fancy for us as comics. I was like, oh my God, like this hotel is really nice.
And like, the food was good. Remember? Yeah.

Also, we got clowned by other people because we enjoyed the first beach. Was it the Durban? Durban, I love it.
So we were like, oh, we were at the beach. It's beautiful.
And people were like,

Durban? And we were like, I mean, it was the ocean. Gorgeous.

We're down there.

You don't want to go there.

We were there.

We loved it. Yeah.
And they're like, no, no, don't go there. Disgust.
Yeah. Yeah.
Totally. Trash.
Look how beautiful Divergence is. Yeah.
I thought it was great. Pleasure.
Pleasure. Pleasure.

And then monkeys would steal sugar from your table and stuff. It was really fun.

Good times. And then the other comics were interesting.
Interesting.

Was there like six of us or five of us? Yes. No, there were six of us.
Right?

Okay, it's Finesse Mitchell. Finesse was there.
Mitch Fatal. Mitch.
Meow. Meow and Meow.
Damn. Kingdom County.
Knife Count. Six.
Was there another one? Weren't there more? Was there a name?

There we go. Orlando Jones.
Orlando came later.

And Ryan Hainer. He rolled.
Ryan Hayner. Oh, Hayner.

Because

Orlando wasn't rolling with us, our show, though. He came in Joe Berg.
Johannesburg, yeah. Fit, yes.
Joe Berg. Joe Berg.
That's what I call it.

You, me, Ian, Dayton. Wow.
And David. David was literally like, if you're doing like a show here and then you're like, hey, to bring us home, Chris Rock, everybody.
Yeah, it was like, it was crazy.

Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy.
And I did the other one with Trevor Noah. So I see

both of those.

There was a billboard of him selling Range Rovers in front of the hotel. Yeah.
So that would inform me. I'm just like

a comic selling Range Rovers? What the hell is going on in this country? Yeah.

But I do, what I've always loved about stand-up and the dudes do really well is hierarchy. You guys know what the pecking order is.
And as a woman, you just go, oh, okay, this is my place.

This is your place. Great.
Thank you. And you just all roll.
There's no, usually, no ego about that pecking order. We pretty much had fun.

Yeah,

it was a lot of fun, dude. We had a lot of fun.
Yeah,

I still finesse, you know, I still consider, I see him all the time.

I consider him kind of like a, you know, that's my buddy. We went to, we went to South Africa together, right? Yeah, yeah.
So for sure. And

Hayner, I haven't seen since. Well, I email with him every few years.

He and the wife moved. He's in upstate New York.
Oh, upstate New York? I believe so.

I think occasionally. Comedy.
But no. Yeah, no.

I'm not sure. I think he did.
He's not touring anymore. I know that.
He and the wife are like having a nice, calm life, retired. Well, his son made a lot of

money.

His son was some 20. Avenged folds.
Avenge 7.

7. Yeah, $6 million.

Avenue folds. A lot of fives.
That's a cool gig. That's a cool gift.
So cool. And I think Brian may have played some music on a couple of those.
Nice. So he would have got

some. He was super talented, but also so nice.
Such a good song. Remember, we'd sit around and he'd play the piano afterwards.
We sit in a hotel. Yeah.

And people would say, oh, you've got to go to bed now.

Pleasure.

Take yourselves upstairs. This is before we had kids, Gene.
Yeah. Three years before we have our first kid.
When life is free.

You guys sleep in. Do you remember when you guys ran that room in Culver City?

Bert took me there one time. When I ran it with my friend? I thought it was you two.
No, he never did it. Probably Eric Lundy and me.
Yes, I think you closed out a few of those. I did, yeah.

But not in Culver, right? No. Wasn't in Culver? No.
It was in Hollywood somewhere, and I had you headline. And you roll in kind of grumpy.
That's right.

And I'd be like, I don't know what's up with Ian Bag. I didn't know you had to talk about it.
Autism. Yeah.
I was like,

is this guy going to be angry? Like, is he going to, and then immediately you got on stage. You're like, hey, everybody, how's it going?

You just refully in bag.

It was amazing. I'll explain it.
Yeah, please. I just kind of shut down so I can have it for there.
Yeah, I see that, right? Yes. So

I'm not.

We have another friend that can be on the whole time. Yeah.
But I can't,

it's in concentrate. It's me in concentrate on stage.

So I have to

have that time. Yeah, you're right.
And it's not grumpy. Yeah, no, but

when you showed up at places, yeah, a lot of times you showed showed up. Like, I've done a bunch of shows with you where you're like kind of, you know,

inside to yourself. Yes.
And then, boom, you come on stage. Just kind of quiet.
Yeah. Taking it all in.
Sometimes I'll go sit by myself. Like,

I never go into the green room in most of these comedy clubs. I'm just sitting with the staff because the staff is busy, so they're not really bugging me.
I'm a lot like you. Yeah.

I kind of hate a busy green room. Really? Afterwards, it's fine.
After I let it go. That's totally true.
Afterwards, yeah, let it rip. But I don't like a pre-show happening.

One time

I got booked for this gig, it was in Houston. And I remember that it was right when I was like

starting to sell tickets. I was on my second tour.
And I don't know how this happened, but the promoter was like... Instead of just going with the agent a lot, he was contacting me directly.

And I was like, okay, you know, blah, blah, blah. Well, we're coming to pick you up.
And they pick me up. They take me to the venue.
And when I walk in,

we go, you know, to the right here, you walk in. And there was like, this was straight.
There was like 12, 13 people. And I go, hey, man.
You had to do a meet and greet before. Well, I was like,

who are all these people? And he goes, oh, they're like friends of mine and stuff. And I was like, why are they in here? Yeah.
And he was like,

do you not want them here? I go, of course not. Like, this is supposed to be like my room to chill in, right? This is a pre-show.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.
I mean, I can get. And I was like, this is nuts.

so he was turning it into like come hang yeah this room i was like he's making it another venue yeah i was like nah bro charged his friends to come hang we cannot do this no no no yeah and even on mine now like when i i i'm like real low-key i don't like it to be busy My buddy played in the NHL and he's a goalie and he wanders into the dressing room one day and the owner of the team's got all his buddies down in the dressing room and they're in his equipment.

No,

yeah, and he's just like, I kind of skidded in the ditch for quite a while after that. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
People just don't get it. They just, they're like, yeah, yeah, I get that we're toys.
Yeah.

Right? We're toys, but we still need to stay in the box for a little bit until you play with us. Yeah.
Right. So, and I'm not trying to be a dick.
I'm really not trying to be dick.

No, and it's before, to be fair, it's before I had ever really spoken with you. I just, I'd only seen you on stage, and my friend Eric and I were like, We have to get Ian back.

Like, we were total fangirls.

And so you showed up, and we were like,

He's a nice guy.

We don't want to scare you.

I will stand by this in the conversations. If you're talking like in the last however many, 20 years, if you go, who do you not want to follow? You would be always in my top four.

Like, you don't want any part of it. Oh, I fucking, I know.
I don't know if I'm we still allowed to swear on this podcast or no,

has liquid death brought you guys to say, frigg, frig,

all the friggin' stuff. Yeah.
You know how I know? How? Because I said, hey, Tom,

I'm struggling a bit. Can I open for you?

And you're like, nope. No.
And I'm like, Tom doesn't like following me. What a douche.
I would never want to follow you. But you guys, you're incredibly funny.

You guys are very sweet, but at the same time, you're famous. They are never going to turn on you.
No, they're not going to turn on you. I'm not talking about like it in that.

I'm just talking about when you're talking about somebody's comedy chops, like just forget like the turning or fancy.

I just mean that, like,

you, there's some people who

just have

a capacity to kill.

And that's you. You

brush. Take that in.

Yes.

Have fun. Yeah.
Yeah. Sure.

I just, I, it's weird how much fun I have there

compared to a lot of life.

Yeah. That makes sense.
Right. Because you have so much fun up there and it's fun to watch you.

Because you have zero fun.

Like you, not like you, I don't fucking care, but it's more of like you're so playful and you're so not set like a serious guy up there who has to be the smartest guy in the room.

Yeah, you also have like, yeah, no, that's not my show.

But you also have like a you have this stream of consciousness thing where you're either when you're up there and you're like going, you're riffing, and you're using the room and you're using the information,

it's it'll be like funny, funny, funny. And then if you do something and it doesn't work, your way of dealing with it is funnier than if it had worked.
So like it becomes funny.

Like you, you really are a savant up there. We had on the podcast the other day, we had Chris Candy, who was John Candy's son.
Yes.

Okay, so and he talked about

how

when he was acting or in a sketch, he wasn't afraid to look like a dork,

right? But in real life, he was terrified of looking like a dork. Oh, wow.
John, yeah.

Right?

I kind of have that. Yeah.
Like, it's free there. But in real life, you're just like, oh, oh, oh, do I have nose hair? What's going on?

You know, I mean, like, yeah, where it's like, I hope I have nose hair when I'm on stage, right? Anything. Shaved.
I was, it was in Chicago not too long ago, and my wife always says,

you know, if you do anything, you know, if you do any beautifying, get it done professionally. Not me.
I

shaved off half an eyebrow. I did that two weeks ago.
Okay. Yeah.
So you know.

So I went on stage, like, but mine are massive, so it's very noticeable. I was like, I shaved off my eyebrow while I was on, you know.

And the rest of the time I was in Chicago, I was terrified people were looking at it. Yeah.
And while I was on stage, I was terrified they weren't looking at it. Right.
Right. Right.
Yeah.

Was Chris, were you guys promoting the new doc? Yeah.

is it out or is it coming it's coming out in october i got you guys you want him i'll give you well yeah we've we've he and i have exchanged messages before but i would love like a if to be connected connected yeah yeah he's uh his

it's it's it's such an interesting you know like they did it because everybody else was starting to do it so they wanted to be ahead of everybody else doing it because they've been saying no for so many years right really yeah no to one about him yeah no to one that's crazy right now now people are just doing their own documentaries on him they're like I guess we should do one so we can talk about her dad.

Yeah, that's amazing. I would love to.
I would love that. Well, thank you.

You're not from here, so maybe you'll relate to this. Wow.
You've gone Texas. Well, you've got Lebanese heritage yourself.

Oh, mate, don't say that because that irritates me. And I punch blokes in the mouth for saying that.
Don't you dare say that. My family have been in this country for 140 years, right?

So you, and if you say anything like that, I have on many occasions punched blokes in the mouth, right? I'm restraining myself today. Don't say it.

I'm not listening to you. You're out.

His family's been in the country for 140 years. He's been there for 112.

I love when old guys want to fight. Oh, I know.
It's so good. It's so great.
And the accent from Australians.

Don't say it.

Oh, here he comes. Doug,

I'm sure Doug said a side man. Worst cameraman ever.

A racist?

You cannot say what you just said without being identified as a racist. Some gentlemen, ladies, this man is a racist.

Racist.

Why is he yelling at a flight attendant?

Right.

Stupid land. I later he wants to fight the guy from 1940.

Yeah, sir. Check him up.
I'm a racist. I'm going to do it, hey?

And then I'm going to write back to the boat. He said he's a Lebanese.
Lebanese. Lebo, yeah.
That's Australia. Australia.
Labau. Labau.
Lebau. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Fact.
What the fuck is he? Yeah, he's right. 140 years.
You're Australian at that point, my man. You're part of the country at some point.
You're from BC. Yeah, British Columbia.
Yeah.

I mean, I was using shorthand. I thought you meant before Christ.
Well, you're from.

How old am I, Doug? You are also very old, but you look good for somebody that's a couple thousand years old. That's true.

I wake up weird. I'm wondering, do you feel connected still to like people like other notable people from BC or no? Because you're so connected? You know what I mean?

Like do you have a kinship with like when someone like

there's a nodal celebrity that's from BC?

Oh, yeah. The only one is that guy, no.
Oh, Ryan, no. He's Van City, right? He's Van City.
You're from

the middle of nowhere.

There's a guy, Taylor Lochner, or something like that. Yeah, he's from Cologne.
Twilight. Taylor Lochner? No, no, no, not.
the right guy. Tom Green's a Canadian.
But

he's from the other coast. Okay.

But there's a guy.

There's a guy that was in a football movie or something.

Is it Will Blunderfeld? Nope.

Who's Will Blunderfeld? Oh, this is Will Blunderfeld here. Oh, I should have worked last.
Okay. Hold on.
Let me get him for you. In this episode of What Does the Wild Make a Man Drink?

I'm going to fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful orin,

which is medicinal. Orin.
Orin, yeah. Especially after some amazing

road, or like falling on, or pumping some iron. Yeah.

It's got quite the awesome. It's a lot of biofeedback, and it's a form of self-love.
When I drink my own piss,

I get this enhanced benefit of self-approval and self-acceptance. Right out of it.
And really, that's all. Guy didn't get to finger bang in high school in the middle.

So no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years. It's a lot of piss.

Now,

everything that's

push pods.

BC Zone, go ahead.

My brethren.

He was filling. He had already peed in that and then was putting water in it.
That's what that philosoph was. It wasn't his dick making that noise.
No. Yes.
Don't you dare.

You're calling Will Blunderfeld. I'm calling him a fraud.
Yes.

I'm calling. He had a little bit of pee and a lot of water in there.
Really? Yeah, watch it again. Listen to it.
There's just no way.

I don't know anybody that can get that kind of stream into into a little jar and not be wearing it you're wow you're accusing him of fraud I am right there right here on the people's court now he said you get so many benefits from doing this I'm wondering drinking your orange breath your breath your breath smells great your breath sounds like it smells like a backup like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body is made to made to seem good and everything that's good for us like drinking your piss is made to seem bad we live in an inverted clown world so try it for yourself and be your own.

I mean, that's just like one of the things. He also teaches like seminars and breaking your pee.
No, that's it. Sometimes it's about pea drinking, you know, like sometimes he does.
What's up, Yogi?

So me and Brian Crew just taught a really juicy anus workshop today and got a little bit into the prostate too. There you go.
There you go.

That caused some precum to be secreted from my manhood. So a little bit of sperm teeto, a little bit of test,

a little bit of spermidine, which is good for muscle growth, a little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really good for your brain and your nervous system. What else came up?

A little bit of vitamins, minerals, oxytocin, and bonding hormone, which lowers cortisol.

And not only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy, which is powerful of its own, the Shivambu, I should call it, but I'm also getting the benefit of the skin looks, dude.

The semen. A tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine.

Oh, fuck. I just got the chills.

Oh, and into the beard. That's very, very

good. I love this.
Yeah.

It's like drinking drinking stamps. Here's the thing.
I just, now I'm going on Ian's theory that he's faking this because look how still his face is when he's peeing and just casually talking to you.

Are you able to casually talk into a camera and piss at the same time? No. And it just, that noise,

there wasn't even a,

you know, like anything like that. It was just like instantly turned off.
I'm just like, what do you got? The breast prostate in the world? You know, come on. I bet his prostate's pretty healthy.

I bet you it's bad. He works at a, he does these other workshops.

Oh, hello, guys. So in my live workshops, we do a beautiful caulk exercise.
And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Shark.

And basically,

he does these workshops called Penis Wellness.

You know?

Oh, my fucking God.

No?

I love Will so much. Cock on Cock crime.

I love it. It's beautiful.
Ian, what's wrong with you?

This is what we do in Texas.

This one's a little hard for me to watch. What?

It's just a little personal.

Now his mom comes in. Well!

I didn't realize the plane going by, too. I wish she would have timed that.
Oh, man.

What if he's just got the camera upside down and he's doing that from standing position and he's the most amazing man ever, just hitting his face with a big wad of jizz. I'm fearless, I'm doubtless.

I'm fearless, and and I'm doubtful.

I love having a little mantra, you know? I'm fearless, I'm doubtful. I'm going to start saying that after when I jack off.

Not when I'm having sex. Can you imagine saying that after you have sex? I'm fearless.
I'm doubtless. I'm doubtless.
My wife would slap me in the face.

Really? I'm shameless. I'm fearless.
I'm doubtless. Yeah, it's cool.
I'm fearless. I'm doubtless.
It's a good tattoo. I'm shameless, I'm fearless.
All right, that was a little bit.

Need to fart afterwards.

Let's uh also, can I just say we've watched a lot of cool guys over the years,

20 years now of cool guys. I'm never creeped out by Will Blunderfeld.
I believe this is really spiritual. Well, he's been right here.
He's sat in the studio. He's sat naked in that very chair.

I feel like my process

is doing better since sitting in the chair that he sat in. And I went and did cock exercises with him.

You didn't hug him, did you? I did hug him. Naked? Yeah.
You're an impressive fellow.

You were just.

Was I? That was, that was.

That was

if I've ever seen it. I didn't feel, but I did, like, reluctantly get pretty hard, and I was kind of pissed off.
Reluctantly, yeah.

No, no, no, no. Yeah.
Okay.

Um, were you trying to look bigger?

I was trying to, yeah.

If I don't go, if I don't go in hard, I'm going to look like I got a little penis. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, I was trying to fluff and then it just stood up, you know? Yeah.

I was like, ah, well, here you go.

It's all the weirdos that have massive cocks, do. I know.
Oh, wow. I didn't make that correlation.

Well, Well,

I'm going to put it out there. Put it out there.

Have you ever had, like,

you're looking at

Red Tube, right? Or whatever, right?

Yeah. Yeah.
And

there'll be a, you know, I don't know. I don't know.
They keep changing trans, they keep changing their name.

So I just can't keep up. I'm always saying the wrong thing and offending people.
But they're hung like fucking mules. Yeah.
And I'm just like, well, why, why? Yeah.

Why would God put that on them if they didn't want to be that way?

The people that want to switch? Yeah.

Wait, what'd you got? This piece of equipment? This is crazy. I can give you mine.
It'll look more like a Klitaurus.

I love that we just left that on there. I know.
Yeah, I'll give you something to do. So how did you guys get him to come in?

We just, we were playing his stuff, like the clips we were showing you, and then we just had. Did he have to get a work visa? I don't even know.
That's so interesting.

I don't know, but he came down and crossed border. He was a great interview.
He was lucky. He was amazing.
Yeah, he's a sweet guy. Like, like a lot of any knowledge? Like any knowledge.

Lots of knowledge. Lots of stuff.
You know that. Well, do you know that the samurai used to suck each other's nipples before battle? Well, they're probably on some sort of drug.

That's what you're like, you get all fired up and suck each other's nipples and go to war. Did you know that it's gay to not eat your friend's ass?

I did not. That's stuff we learned.
Research.

I am so gay.

He's right. All these ancient warrior cultures, all did you have you even cupped your friend's balls? Yeah, like the Celtic warriors would do that.
They would just hold each other's nuts.

Well, trying to get over a fence.

Probably. I'll help you out.

Making sure nobody gets a little bit of barbed wire in there. Yeah.

That's not gay. That's helpful.
That's helpful. Yeah.
Totally helpful.

He told you all this? Yeah. And where did he learn it all? Some other guy.
Yeah, some other dude in the forest

as he was sucking his nipples. Cool guy.
Hey, man, we're just going to war.

Here's a good palette clip. I'm sure he's a sweet guy.
He's a sweet guy. Yes, he is.
Old Jizz Facebook.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God. That's your trip to Saudi, Tom.
Oh, my God.

This is what they're going to do to you. Oh, my God.
He's like, shut up. I like when they're like, stop fucking crying.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm going to help you here with this next one, okay?

You good?

Yeah?

What prison is this from?

Can you imagine paying for this? You're like, my next kind of. Oh!

There's no world in which that is beneficial.

Kidneys?

He's got his punching glove. His punching glove is on his right hand.

It's like, I'll wrap it up.

I'm not being racist in any way, but if I was a white guy and and I walked in a room to get something like that done and that guy was wearing that hat, I'd go, no.

I know what our people have done to you, so I'm going to turn around and go out and probably just find somebody else for my massage. Somebody else who looks more like me.

You got to be smart at times, right?

What's with the hat, buddy?

Everybody, see you got no brim.

You got half a hat on.

Can't trust you.

You're definitely not trying to keep the sun out of your face. You want to go down the street and buy you a hat? Real hat?

Then you can punch me in the neck. Oh, my God.

He's such a good person. And

how hard do you think he's trying not to get him to roll over and just punch him in the throat? Oh, he wants.

This guy's in so much pain.

And that, how about the guy in the blue? It's just his face. It's just like, you, I've been waiting for this.
Waiting, Mr. Belka.

Yeah. Enjoy our land.

There's no therapy where I've ever made that sound. You know,

not even in the chiropractor. PT,

just crying afterwards.

Oh, just, yeah, you go right there to hospital, right after that, just straight to hospital. Well, my neck was sore, but now it's broken.
Yeah.

That is kind of what it feels like. He's like, your neck's bothering you? Have you ever had

fucking completely crushed?

Here's what we've got to do, son. We've got to get your neck off your head.
And then it won't hurt at all. You're going to be fine.
You're not going to feel a thing after that. Holy shit.
That's true.

He might just be severing all the nerves. Yeah.
So you're not feeling a fucking thing. It doesn't look like he's severing them well, though, because the guy's in a lot of pain.
He's in a lot of pain.

I'm feeling it all.

I like when they do old women, these chiropractors. Yeah.
And they fuck up old ladies. Yeah.
And they're like, oh,

yeah. Just kill them.

Yeah. He's like, I fixed her.
I fixed her.

She was looking at living too much life. These next ones

are within a game. You've never let me down with your videos.
Oh, good.

This is our game.

I show you a clip. Okay.

You tell me, is it genuinely horrible, like not funny, or is it hilarious? Okay. Okay.

Do you have an LLC?

Oh, not the tooth. Fuck.
Tooth came out.

Fuck, I hate that. Yeah, he lost his tooth.
Oh, fuck. Funny.

It's funny. It's funny.
And by the way, they should just put the advertisement advertisement right afterward. Yeah, true story.

This is a fucking marketing. Yeah, I was gonna tell you, a lot of times they're really sad.
This was a good one. It was funny.
Yeah. Plus,

you've lost a tooth, right? It's the worst feeling. When you're like, fuck, now I have to get this dealt with.

You lose a hockey tooth.

I've never, I've just got chips. But I.
Oh, you do a pod with Robert? Yeah. Is he a big hockey guy? He likes hockey, but he's not a big hockey guy.

Robert's the American monster shit. I know.
I know he is. Yeah, he's football.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you guys became friends? Yeah,

I seen him on Righteous Gemstones.

And I was just like, who is this guy? Like, I didn't know about him before. I'm just like, he was funny, and he was weirdly talented, and he was nothing like what he looked like.

And I just sent him a message, and I said, I think you're hilarious, and I think you're so talented. He said, are you trying to fuck me?

You're like, yeah. I'm like, kind of.
Yeah, strong impression. Want to come over and rub cocks on each other? Does he live here in Texas?

His wife is from here. He lives in Boise, Idaho.
Oh, he lives in Boise. Yeah.
That's a white haven.

Yeah, that's what he looks like he fits in there perfectly.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I like him. I'm a big fan.

All right, here's another one. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, shit.

Oh,

oh, he made it. He made it.

There goes you a lot of blood, bro. Man, that's a lot of blood.
From your head, too. Yeah, he's going to have to go to that chiropractor.

yep but that's funny right that was very well for a second you're like he's definitely dead still funny it's still kind of funny because he's such a douche yeah like how far back did he fall then oh my god

and so there must be oh because it looks like he's falling a hundred feet right yeah

so he must have

oh my god it's so weird that uh

chair was in the middle of nowhere do you think these two this is like the day they got a camera phone like they just

you can make video. This is in Afghanistan anymore.

You can

do this. Yeah, they just got it off an American soldier after a battle.

Some posh tune. Yeah.
Posh tune.

I think, yeah.

I think so.

I think he's.

I think he's got that massive stick, too. Like, that's the biggest stick I've ever seen in my life.

There's no way they have a bunch of those. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure he's in trouble now. This is the town stick.
Yeah. The town stick.
Ravi!

What did you do with the stick? Where is the stick? I know, and it's like a wooden stick.

We just practice our dance routine we want to put up.

And now you lose stick.

He's doing an advertisement for a mountain climbing.

Hey, everybody. You know, there's this thing, every year, there's these like...
touristy type places all over the world that are high-rise, you know, like cliffs and things of this nature.

where like every year they're like, you don't go over there to take like selfies. And everyone's like, like Grand Canyon, you mean? And they just fucking fall over.
Yeah, I can believe it.

Do you care?

Well,

no.

There's always somebody that goes just out and they're like, no, not for me. I'm very...
Why? Yeah. Oh my gosh.
I have a feeling. I have a feeling there's no signs.
Yeah, I was going to say.

Here?

Here, no. No.
No, not at all.

No one's telling you not to sit i want to know what's in front of them edge of the cliff wouldn't it be great if they just you turn this way and it's their house yeah they like live up there

yeah with goats and shit and his mom's face is just in shock because she they lost his her favorite stick her chair

her rocking chair there's a lot dude this could be like he might have a lot of blood coming out of him you know he could have more brain damage than the than the first guy yeah do you think this is on like afghanistan's funniest home videos like do they have that show show yet?

And if not, wouldn't this be great?

This, this would be one of the first ones, yeah, that would be fantastic. Do you guys watch that guy

that's in Iraq that calls everybody transgender? Do you guys watch

and he just walks around Iraq and says the funniest thing? He's an Iraqi guy or yeah, he's an Iraqi guy, and he just

I follow him on Instagram. He's hilarious, but he calls everybody wacky transgender bender fender, you know, kind of thing.

Right up to people? Like, no, just like on to the people into the camera. Hey, wacky transgender benders, listen up.
Here's what. I found a dog today, and this is what I taught him.
Yeah.

He's got like a million followers. Oh, really? Yeah, it's crazy.
Oh, man. Yeah, because their culture hasn't done all this nonsense.
No, they haven't gone.

This is the beginning of this nonsense, is what I'm saying. Like, we can't do that.
They're not killing you guys. Yeah, they're not trying to figure out what's going to be found.
Well,

there's still a lot of

places in the world where if you were to like Iraq, probably, where if you're like, oh, pronouns, they would be like, huh? What? Yeah.

They wouldn't even know what you're talking about. Yeah, they don't.

At least not like

most of the population. No, it also, it also isn't really that important to them when they look in their backyard and everything's gone.
Yeah. Right? Of course.
Well, what am I going to call you?

Yeah.

But at the same time, do what you want to do. Places like that.

Of course. But places like that also, like, you know, modesty, you realize is a luxury of like, I'm going to cover up.
Yeah. Like, whatever.
I shit in the street.

Like,

yeah. I'm not really thinking about

shit in the street. Public defecation.
Have you ever made eye contact with somebody pooping?

Not even him. He won't let me.

Yeah.

You've been trying for so many years. So many years.
Just running in and sneaking.

He won't even talk to me through the door. That's so upsetting.
Wait, have you made eye contact? With the animals pooping. No, with a person.
When I moved to New York,

I was just walking down the street, la la la, and this guy was shitting into a tree, and we fucking locked eyes while he was pooping. I just like, my world was different from that.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Did he say anything? No, he just kind of was pooping. Yeah.

And regular?

So regular. So regular.
You think those people would be bunged up. And they're not.
No,

he didn't push at all. You know, you do remember when you see people shitting in public.
Or jacking off, yeah. Let's remember.
This is him. Yeah.
Fantastic. Do you know this guy? No.
No.

I'd love to see this. Let's see one.

Okay.

The ocean of Antarctica and this stone.

I don't know if you can see it's like different. And also,

look here, for the first time in my life, I'm gonna drinking from the ocean of Antarct uh Antarctica. And I gonna drink the water.

That looks fresh as shit.

Clear.

is very salt, like urination and sweat.

First time in my life, I drink him. And also,

1999, the volcanic eruption started here. That mountain used to be a volcano.
Now he is just mountain. Look at his comment here.
It says my main account is suspended.

Probably from his year, and he freezing, freezing, freezing. Come to the ocean.
The ocean, cold water, hot or lava is finished him. Okay, the king of north.
What's the next one? We have a house.

Find one with

a small baby doggy. Meow, where is your mother?

Oh my gosh.

He keeps sucking my toes. I think he's LGQ HD TV candidate, but I don't mind.
Now you wash your flag.

Every day I clean for you. Now today you clean your salad.
Today I take my baby doggie to get rabbi's vaccination. Rabbi.
doggy.

I don't understand why baby doggy have to get rabbi's vaccination. No authority is racist.
He's not racist. He's just a baby.
This is

here's another one for you. This is a fun one, okay? Okay, here we go.
Here we go. Boom.
Boom. Oh, this is good.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, it's good. That's a good one.
That's a good one. Sorry.
I didn't mean to laugh. This was really good.
Look at his teeth. I know.

This was on the news.

They were,

what is it? They're two influencers. Yeah.
Do you think that's why they hit him?

I hope so. This was in Houston.

They were having salmon sliders.

SUV crashed through the window. They went to the hospital, minor injuries.

The driver told police they thought it was in park. It just rolled into the restaurant.
That's not rolling. That didn't seem like rolling.

That was rolling, rolling.

That was that song. High impact.
Yeah. All right.
One more. By the way, do you think it was in Texas and it was in Houston and they look like an interracial couple? Do you think it might be?

Oh, somebody was trying to send a message and let people know. Yeah.
Maybe no eating together. We didn't even think about it, though.
We're not going to be able to do it.

Because the jeans were pre-uh, pre-rip.

Oh, this is great. He's like loading an AC

unit up a ladder. Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Superman's here.

Oh, that's hilarious. A little late, buddy.
Oh, man.

That looks, that's a bad

impressive. But here's a question.
It was bad planning, though. How do you bring a heavy AC? I'll tell you one thing you do.
We go and talk to you.

I'll tell you you something you have a second person you don't do it all by yourself that's you need a helper you should he should have had a helper don't have your wife hold the ladder

or like a crane you know like when they fix the traffic lights the guy that's in the thing oh like a

cherry bucket yes yes yeah maybe that would have been I think I think it would have been using ropes and going to the top and pulling it up like in Amsterdam yeah they they loaded the heavy stuff another person would help another person yeah yeah yeah somebody to catch it as it's falling yeah oh my God.

Well, these were pretty funny today, guys. Good job with that patch.
They were pretty good. There was a lot of cock.

There was. Do you guys always do a lot of cock? Not always.
Not always. You guys just surprise people.
Some days are like horny guy days. Some days are dick days.
Some days are horny chick days.

Yeah, there was a horny chick that opened the show today. Really?

Hello, my name is Sandra.

Give me a father.

I've only been with one man in my life. What? We're divorced.
Oh, looking for man.

Man. I'm going to tell you right now, Christina, your lipstick is selling good.
Thank you. How did you know? This is my spokesperson.
This is the model.

Is that really? Yes.

It's fantastic.

This is my new liquid lipstick line. It's doing a great job.

And this is a good one. I like to be viral.
It is. Subtle viral.
This next one is, for me, it's just one of the shirts I'm selling. Bro, do I seem like a fucking homo to you?

I have that shirt. That is a great shirt.
What does it say on the back?

Not a huge.

Man, shut the fuck up, pussy. Shut the fuck up.
Yeah, I'm a fucking queer. Fuck no.
I'd rather that I'm with your dead grandmother than with another fucking dude.

That's not even saying I'm into dead grandmothers either, because I most certainly am not.

Oh, my God. That was awesome.
Very nice family, though. You guys have this family photo in the back.
It's grandma. I never pictured that in my phone.

No. He's a.

That's just how much I fucking. I mean, I don't see how you gays do it.

And you put your genitals in another dude's fucking bottle.

It's fucking gross.

I'll tell you something else that's gross. But your mom ain't safe around me, bro.
Neither is your grandma. I don't give a fuck.
Damn.

Dude, he's hard as fuck.

Who needs sex? Yeah, why? Because he likes cookies. That's why.

That's why he likes grandmas and moms.

That's a weird one. Is that like in a live chat? Is that what's going on? I I don't know.
Or is that a video to somebody specific?

I always feel like, I don't, well, he just said you guys are saying, you know, I think this was actually meant for public consumption. It's always interesting when those people go viral with hate.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, and I think that might be one of those.
That's the

problem. This at least I think is made.
He's like, you guys that are saying this.

Sometimes it's one of my favorite lanes is when they make a video that is for one person, but they go, I'll just publicly upload this.

you know I mean by mistake right they think they're sending it like think so sending it into VM shit like this we can't you can't tell but like

Jennifer I hope you get this video no yeah on a 200 hour lithium batteries you're only gonna get eight hours no matter what I got 5,000 BTU I probably run the same kind of waters so yeah and then I this is like three minutes long but it's all for Jennifer it's all it's all awesome have you you ever seen somebody upload?

There was a guy from my hometown that uploaded him just standing there with his cock. No, and posted it? On Facebook.
No. Definitely didn't mean to.
Yeah, I remember

I was at Dr. Grin's in

Grand Rapids. Grand Rapids.

This is a long time ago, and I was just kind of scrolling through Facebook, and I was just like, oh, fuck. That was a mistake for sure.

That shouldn't be your personality. Celebrities.
Wasn't there a famous celebrity that did a bunch of stories? There's a bunch that have done that.

The best is that like a month or two ago, Conor McGregor posted his dick

and hung a weight from it.

And that was a DM that he had sent.

The following week, he announced his presidency, his run for president of Ireland.

And then just like three days ago, he's like, I guess I'm not going to run for president anymore.

His timeline's fantastic. It's amazing.

It should have been dick. I'm not going to run for president.

I am going to run for president. Yeah.

But he had it all backwards.

He could have been president right now, but he had too much weight on his guck and he just fell apart.

Pretty impressive. He needs to go to your boy with the beard.
Oh, I know. Yeah.

That would have been awesome.

I need a little bit of jizz in my pee. Get myself going in the morning.
Makes me feel like that. Will you try that? Will you try urine therapy? Would you be open to it? No.

Have you? No, but I'm not from BC. Oh, that's true.

It is a regional.

It's regional. It's a sterile.
I'm from British Columbia, therefore.

We're pee drinkers. Yeah, that's what we do.
Can I ask a stupid question? How is he getting a little bit of jizz in the pee, right?

Because don't those valves, one shuts down so that the other one can... No, maybe he was like, you know, diddling before, so you have a little more in the urethra.
Like, you know what I mean?

You were twigging to kind of

got in the pathway.

And then you shut it down, and then you had a pee, and now they're mixed together. I love the fact that you are confused by it, and you have an answer to it.

That's what's great about it. It's like, how do you? Well, let me tell you how it happens to me.

When I did a little bit before I pee, I can tell there's a little bit of something on the top of the torso. I can tell.
I got my prostate going.

Do you see the little bit of spermidinyl spermicides? Well, but I mean, spermicides. That's what he calls it.
Spermidino. But if you get all like worked up

and then you don't go all the way,

some of that's going to seep into your PPAT. Thanks, Sting.
Yeah.

Tantra.

It's true.

It's going to seep in there. Yeah, but I'm going to be honest with you.
Look at these guys.

I just, yeah, I just get there and then I walk away.

Holy shit, you must be horrible at a four-way stop.

Because

you're supposed to go. I think a lot of women need this reminder because they're so full of themselves about

how they are the ones that bring life into the world. And then sometimes you need like a doctor or somebody to tell you the truth, which is.
Goddamn bitch can't make a baby.

Somebody got to bust a nut in her pussy.

Right?

Oh, man. That's bus talk.

This is my only regret I never lived in New York City. Yeah.
My only regret in life.

That and the talent on the trains. Yeah.
Right? Yeah, the talent on the trains is impressive.

The dancing, the singing, the singing. Just a public.
Ladies and gentlemen.

I am not asking for your money. Y'all on your way to work? Yeah.

You want to see some shit? No.

I am a magician.

I have two minutes until the next stop.

I'm going to need a number from you.

I'm going to need a number from you.

And I'm going to guess which card it is.

Now hit play on that boom box real quick. Check this shit out.
Yeah, that's that's that's that's that's that's all my offer. What's worse? Public magic? Hold on.
Okay.

Or public acoustic guitar singing. Oh, can I add one to that? Sure.

Plastic. No, plastic drums.
Oh, I hate it. Oh, yeah.
With real drums.

Oh, it's so loud.

Oh, I hate it. Oh, my God.
And you see somebody who's a wizard on that, though. But yeah, I know.

You're like, what the fuck? What do they do with their drums? I don't know. But that's the thing, though, is it's kind of a useless talent to really, to really get good on the plastic bin.
Yeah.

You're not going to play in a band with the plastic bin. Because there's no bass drum on that.
You don't know how to double kick. Of course.
There's no cymbal toad.

There's nothing on right now there's someone listening who's so upset like i could show fucking ian how to fucking double kick ian can suck my dick i'll tell you how you do it yeah

you take a bigger barrel

you take a bigger barrel

i think the public plastic drumming i forgot how often that's your least favorite of those three i actually like my i like magic oh see i would shut down magic first yeah but you can watch it and not get involved yeah right yeah we have no job

guitar playing can't it's not that loud but the singing with it in the acoustics and the side. Oh, I see what you're yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, I was thinking about that for the drumming. It is

so loud.

It is. I always have that.
I like the loud. You know, I'm always like, like, we're talking about on stage and off.
So I'm extraordinarily polite off stage.

Like, just to, you know what I mean, in general. And I still remember I was in Columbus, Ohio.
I had done this show. Doug Benson was standing there with me, and we were talking.

And this guy comes up and he goes, would you like to see some magic?

And I was like,

I do this. And then he looks at Doug.
He goes, not really, dude.

And it always stuck with me because the guy was like,

really? He was like, nah, I'm good. How about the guy that smokes so much weed doesn't want to see magic? It does crazy.
It was great, though. They always want to see magic.
I know.

That's what magic's for.

Shut it down. The guy was like, so like defeated.
He was like, all right. He just turned around, walked away.

You were like, i was like that i just couldn't say it you're like i've never been able to do that i've never been able to shut that down doug how did you do that yeah and then doug's like what happened

actually i think what he said was i'm good that's what i think he said and that which is even better better i'm good i'm good that's so funny seen enough magic today yeah take care of yourself taken with it so funny though like all right

all right you want to show them what you've collected yes these are my tick tock curations as always i like to highlight the marginalized people the marginalized communities, and give them a voice.

Spin on the truth. Let them have it.

Just spin on the truth.

Before we do that, pull up Ian Bagg's website, please, ianbag.com, so that we can. All right, so things that are coming up.
Atlanta, Raleigh, Houston, Phoenix, Tempe,

Brea, East Providence, Rhode Island. Boston, massive huge tits, Pittsburgh, PA,

Seattle, Meat Rattle, and Spokane. Sperm can.
These are great, great cities and venues you're doing.

You're doing not too bad. You're doing the best.
I'm doing Neptune. Yeah, such a great clubs.
It's kind of exciting. It's fun.
That's awesome, man. It all started with you guys, by the way.

When you had me come to your show during the pandemic, yeah.

That's when this all started. Really? Yeah.
That's awesome. Yeah.
So thanks, guys. Get tickets.
He is seriously one of the best in the world at doing stand-up. Go see him.

I will not drink my own pee.

You might be able to convince him.

Here we go. All right.

Unbox my dead cat with me. Holy shit.
Are you fucking serious?

Yeah, so you can have your

dead cat. She's fully breaking down.
That's great.

Die.

I don't know if I could do that. Actually, that's not much more than what a cat usually does.
Yeah. It's kind of chills.
Yeah, so it's kind of, I think we should maybe do that to all cats. Yeah.

Would you do this?

No. But yeah, but if you love cats.
Yeah. Yeah.
You have a dog? We have dogs. Yeah.
Dogs. Yeah, we got them.
Do you want to preserve them when they pass? No, my wife has them, takes them, has them

incinerated. Yeah.
And then she brings home the ashes. Yeah.
Yeah. And they can do that.
They sit next to my mom. It's fucking weird.

You can do that on a big green egg if you have one of those.

Flame them up. Oh, my God.
That's really funny.

And they're big, too. You can get the big size.
Oh, yeah. The big egg, yeah.
Absolutely.

Go fist fuck yourself. Shut the fuck up, you bitch.
Or I'll come over there and tell you what I can do with my fist. I'm about to take a rain trip in that fuck ride.
My dance car is full tonight.

Oh, my goodness. Annie, what is this from?

Man, fuck you.

What is that? What's the name of that porno? I don't know. Porno.
Lisping.

I don't know.

Lisping behind bars. That's all I know.
Okay. Without any.
And he's not a big fan. That is from your feed.
That's all I know. That's from my feed.

What's this one? Any time? I love when a man pulls my panties to the side and my balls just flop out.

I love that. I fucking love that.
That makes me laugh. That will never get old.
That's great.

Remember, Fred from Howard Stern used to do the

best. Oh, yeah.
So good.

Don't go change it.

All right. Well, that's a good one.

So, as somebody in the aviation field, I just want to let y'all know, your airport fit matters.

It matters what you wear to this hair airport. And let me tell you why.
It's a couple reasons why.

But let me just tell y'all something.

You never,

and I mean never,

know who you're going to come across. I always said, I might meet my husband here.

You don't never know. Ladies, put your best fit on.
He's right. Men, put your best fit on.

You don't know who you bomb to run across in the airport. And I'm not even just talking about like

romantically.

Your next boss could be Von Nick. Very flexible fingers.
I know. Your next business partner.

Like, you just, sky's the limit when it comes to the airport. Right now.
Dress your best, coming and going.

I got to say,

I'm a big fan of what she's saying. Same here.
Having seen the absolute bottom of the barrel on so many flights where you're like, what the fuck is going on?

I wouldn't go as far as to say we have to go back to the 50s where it was coat and tie to fly.

But the amount of fucking PJs, house slippers, fucking a body wrap you'd wear at the pool, you're just like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

I've seen girls get on airplanes since I'm a little bit more than a little bit.

I'm going direct to the airport from here.

But that's at least a cool t-shirt. You saw the Oasis show.
I did see the Oasis show. How great was it?

I'm so bunny. Don't you think it's sometimes, though, a little too much in the extreme of absolute shit?

At the airport, it's yeah. But at the same time, I'm more concerned when I see a girl get on with

like

leather pants. Or I'm just like, are you fucking as soon as you get off the plane? Like, what's going on?

Like, like gigantic stilettos, you're like, is there a strip club in Chicago's airport that I'm not aware of? Yeah, like it's

a lot. But yeah, I also

flying in winter when you have to wear giant coats is also bothers me because some people will wear, I'm just like, they're expecting this plane to go down and we're gonna have to hike out of here.

Yeah, that's me, buddy. Is that you? Oh, I used to fly with the north face fur thing.

That's the one I was thinking of: the giant

zip it up and just sit like in the middle seat. She also wears that when it's uh like 62.
Oh my god, yeah, that's why I love Texas, nice and warm. I love Texas because I'm warm.

I've never been so much warmer in my life. Anyways, who do you think this lady's mad at? Is she going to show the picture?

She's just, this is a collection, this is a feeling where she has, she's feeling compelled to say this because it's been probably years of her being like, why is that person dressed in a garbage bag?

Yeah.

I agree. It looks like she.
Well, she did bring out her necklace while she told us that.

She showed us. It was Jesus.
It's her friend. No, I think it's her and like her BFF.
I was trying to figure out who the photo was of. Oh, do you think she was taking down her best friend?

Putting her out. She was like, Samantha, just seen you.
What are you fucking wearing in the airport?

Maybe.

My name is Summer. I'm a freak, and I like to fuck on the first date.
So if you think you can keep up with me, add me 123-812.

Oh,

she does not know how to use a phone.

She is in the Idaho Correctional Program, and they do a lot of these. They do these video

messages for pen pals. Yeah, you can put money in their commissary and stuff, but summer's like one of the hotter's hot and she's also telling you I'm down.

She's not like, sometimes they're like,

I want a friend. I'd like to get to meet somebody.
I'd like to have, you know, conversations. She was just like, I'm down to fuck.
What's up? She's in prison. I put my pussy on the glass.
Yeah.

On the first time you come in, your mom and dad will see my Vaughini. It'd be fun if we could, if you can do a Google search real quick with her name to find out what her offense is.
Oh my God.

That would be great.

Okay, can we guess before? Yeah, we can definitely guess. I'm just going to go simple a couple of DUIs.

She stacked them. She was stalking.
She had a bad. Oh.
I'm going for assault or battery. I actually think it's a violent altercation.
Yeah. Oh, no, no.
Public indecency? Oh, that counts?

Because she's a freak.

Do you go to jail for that, though?

I don't know. Maybe she maybe got drunk and fucked too many dudes in public.
Gang, bang, public.

She's in the system, you know. This isn't jail.

Oh, you're right. Sorry.
So she's really good. This is a correctional facility.
Or she had a bad boyfriend who let her down the path. Annie's good at this.
Annie, what do you think this bitch did?

Would that be prostitution?

Maybe.

I mean, this bitch definitely fights. So

I'm assuming there's some violence. Assault or battery.
Possibly. Yeah.

I still think stalking. I think.
Stalking isn't true. Stalking with a weapon.

Well, do we find anything, guys?

Bitch, be crazy. Bitch, be crazy.

Okay. Controlled possession, grand theft by common law, larceny, embezzlement, extortion, and receiving stolen goods.
It's very Idaho. Injury to child is also one of those.

That's not good. Still hot.

I'd still take you out. Yep.

In control of possession. Whatever, drugs.
Yeah. Drugs, closed.
In control of drugs. That sounds like she did drugs well.
Sentence. She never got addicted to her.
What is this?

Sentence satisfaction date. She's locked up till 2030 for the child injury.
Oh, oh, somebody got hurt.

Yeah, she's getting through Grand Larcedyne next year, controlled substance, 27, and then another few years for hurting a kid.

She should probably say, I fuck on the first date, but I'm not going to look like this.

She's 28. Yeah, but she's going to be in there until 2030.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Yeah. Good eyebrows for prison.
I mean, I mean, she's really put together.

I'd love to know more about what this stupid fucking kid did.

Is there a a news story? Look for a news story underneath. Well, she's 28.
She's young, so she'll still be cute when she gets out. She'll be good.
Yeah, yeah, but after prison,

I know the food's bad, the sleeping body is all bad. That's why we got to donate.
Okay, number one, two, three, eight, one, two. Write that down so we can send something in today.

I'm a server. We got to keep her hot.

Initiate Aaron.

Approach.

So these are like fat nerds in the park. Jedi Apprentice.
Jedi nerds. Congratulations.

Neil. Neil.

These are adults. No kids, yet.
By the right of counsel. Okay.
By the will of the force, I name you.

Jedi Apprentice. Rise and speak your name.
Rylos Dunchel. Rilos Dunchaser.

Woo!

Oh, my God.

At least he's...

I hope so. I hope he is the only one.

Alright? Like, I hope they're doing this for him. Oh, right.

I just you put that together, like maybe they're doing it. I gotta tell you something.
They're not

definitely not happening. By the way, if he's special needs, you think he's actually chasing storms.

Nova Scotia. He's that guy.
It's like that storm Roger.

So there's a storm.

That's right, guys.

God bless C-L-G-B-T-T-A.

C to Shiny Sea

From every mountain top

and

take desert

and

new be accepted by us

putting her hand on her heart too.

You think there's a part of her that just hopes this song catches on? Yes, Yeah. Just like that woman that was doing that stuff.

Blood and indigenous people of color.

Have you ever heard of that one? Oh, that one's amazing. Oh, my God.
Well, this one's black and indigenous people of color. Latinos and Haitians and digital.

And Creoles. She got everything.
She lists almost the whole world.

She just goes through all the colors. Yeah, she really does.
I like that. Her little.
She's like pouring like a lion.

savagely wanting you like a sexy

shirt. That's fucking rap.
Loving you all day long into the evening dust of the morning dawn. Definitely a Kill Tony winner.

Guess who's getting a ticket? Guess who's getting a comeback?

From a little joke book, you did it.

Fuck. Start feeling like you're not enough because your partner wants to open up the relationship.

I have a rude question for you. When has your partner ever required you to be enough? Your partner thinks you are essential to their thriving.

That is why they want to partner with you in this massive transition. You have always been a source of magnificence in their lives because you are just being you.

They love you unequivocally because you don't know me, but you're an essential part of their wholeness. So, why are you requiring yourself to be enough?

Okay, cool. I'm always confused when Asians get really round glasses.

Are you trying to make me look like you're surprised?

Sorry. Yeah.
By the way, this brings up your guys' relationship. Yes.
Yeah. Do you guys feel that you guys are

asking too much from us? We're super open.

We've already had this conversation. That's why we want to share it.
Want to have a chip merit? We're fine with each other's enough. You guys are doing good for each other.

I'm enough. I'm enough.

I'm okay. You're okay.

What about you and your wife? Are you guys like that bitch? No.

I love it.

Yeah. She's open.

She's open. She's, yeah.
Yeah. How many partners does she have right now? She's got probably about 16 every time.

Do you have that thing where you get super excited when she's going on a date for the first time with somebody? I do. I'm a sliar.
Oh, girl. Yeah.
I'm so excited for you.

What position you're going to do? Yeah.

And you want to hear the details? Yeah, I just like, come on. Did he get a handy too? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. The NRE.
Yeah. You think that's what she's saying? That everybody's open.
Yeah.

So her account, I've been following her for a minute. It's these really detailed videos about being polyamorous and how to

why you should do it, why it's good for you and good for it. It's a lot of intellectualizing, a thing that seems really hard to do.
Do you know what I I mean?

I just think, on an intuitive level, she knows that, like, this shit doesn't feel good, so I have to rationalize this. She's trying to put it all together.

Yeah, some guy, usually, it's some guy that's talked chicks into this. Yeah.
And now she's telling you, and she's kidding. It's a 20s thing.

Yes. Right? Maybe that's just having fun in games.
I'm always confused when you see people like 50, 60. We're still swinging.
I'm like, ugh. Huh.

Interesting.

I agree. We have a hard time picking what we're going to do to the kitchen.

Like, how are these people so juiced up in their 50s and 60s? Yeah. Especially those women.
As you get older, you're like, you can't, you can't, I talk about this on stage.

You can't have sex the same day you eat, right?

Like, it's Monday, eat, Friday, sex, or you're pushing farts out of each other. That's all you're doing for an hour.
Yeah. An hour.

You definitely don't want to go to dinner and then fuck. No.

But when you're in your 20s, you can have a big bowl of spaghetti and still like pound out two bitches. No No problem.
Yeah, no problem.

Show those bitches what's up. Show those bitches what's up.
Surprise. Hey, Peter.
Oh, shit. Peter.
This is Joe from Coha.

I love it.

Yeah, I'm a cop. Oh.

He makes transfers look easy. Yeah.

First one. This is a real cop?

Of course, it's a real cop, babe. You got to change the battery and the smoke detector.
That was crazy. Just right off the top.
First time I've seen that from a white guy. It's it's pretty cool

so whose house do you think is great

what kind of vibe are you interested in I'm very interested in showing us and like just being us well just probably be like like not verbally checking in but just like looking at you a lot stepping back community just admiring you and rope.

I think I'm interested in something a bit more comforting. I want to be like really close and connected to you.
I definitely want like really soft and tender moments. Great.

What do you need for aftercare? I think I'd like a full meal

and

to do a debrief and a walkthrough just to talk through each part and to see how we both feel about it. What do you need for aftercare? I think I need all of those things.

And then I would love to just check in maybe tomorrow or the day after, even though it's been a day or two. I just want to make sure you're still feeling good.
Awesome. Anything else we need to cover?

Not that I can think of. Check out the next video if you want to see what we do.

Just for aftercare, deal with your own shame by yourself. Just go in the corner and think about

aftercare.

It sounded like it was going to be fun before we did it. And then as soon as I came, I then I was feeling uncomfortable.

That is aftercare. Is this like the ideal?

Is this like basically how you're supposed to talk to somebody? Tom, what do you need? During, what are you looking for during? You You guys need to wear your headphones when you do it. Put these in.

You got to put your Chris Titans in. It's so much for fucking.
Like, this ultimately is for fucking, right? I think, well, they're setting up. It's a rope.
So they're going to

Shibu Itsu, that Shibaru Itsutsu rope tie. Or you make your own meat.
Shibuinu? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You make your own beats.

What do you need for aftercare? I need a good burping.

Oh, my God.

i love the kimchi so they're they're yeah it's about rope and stuff and i guess i guess that's a fairly involved sexual yeah what are you look what are you looking for when we're doing this and then they were also like i'd also like to watch i'd like to check in in two days yeah to make sure you don't hate me

for what i'm gonna do to you is it cool

i'm gonna tie you up hang you do those people get like all boned up when they go near boats

probably probably right probably yeah that's a good point like two days from now, are we still good? When you're going to be pretty fucked up over these memories, can I call you?

Yeah.

Whenever I see those, they're always hanging upside down. Oh, yeah.
Can we see what the tits are? The tits are in a vice.

Squeeze, like, the tit almost comes off. Yeah, like a mammogram.
The guy that does the mammograms, that's his after work fun. Hey, your tits went from purple to black.
Are we still good?

Just fine, Tom.

Just fine. Thanks for checking in.
Oh, yeah. This is elaborate yeah it's cutting off all kinds of circulation

that reminds me of a girl i knew in college actually yeah okay all right

oh okay so this does require a lot of check-in oh my gosh this is this is yeah

this is elaborate and you got to make sure that like your your safe thing isn't get me down from here right now because that's going to be like no basically shut up do you while you're tied up i don't think so i don't think they have sex no no

i think they get off on the being tied up tied up and no connection see you because how do you get into that yeah that's a lot yeah that's a lot and that's it there's no fucking

well maybe they fuck you don't fuck during that you fuck after after she after she's cut the purple yeah after she's after she can't when she lays down and she's like ah ow and you go i'm gonna fuck you now stupid dummy

um this was the best dude can i tell you there's it's just it's not cuties doing this shit okay these two pigs

It's never like hotties. Like is there like there's like a hot mannequin, not these two fucking hairy legs.

Go see.

Tits, beards and tits. Ian back.
Hey, man, do you like to be tied up? Oh, man. I don't know what I'm tied up.
Well, they both were like this.

Oh, boy.

I'm going to peep.

It's going to sound like a dribble.

Is that the fart microphone? Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, my God. Yeah, you were here for the original fart, Mike.
Do you have to fart? No, I don't, but if I did, I would take this studio down. Yeah.

I'd nail it. I just want to watch you and communicate with you.
What are you looking for for

aftercare? I'd like a full meal. And I'd also like you to call me and say hi.
Some sovere for all my rope burns.

I'd also like some new rope.

Okay.

Ian Bag.

Ian Bag is on tour. He is absolutely one of the best comedians.
Go see Ian Bag. Go to Ianbag.com.
If you're in any of those cities, check him out.

Check out the Husky Boys podcast with him and Robert Oberst. It's always good to see you, man.
We missed you. We're friends, right? Of course.
Okay.

Just check and make sure. Because it's weird

when you're first, and I'm sorry, and we're supposed to be wrapping it up, but when you first start out, that's the best time. Yes.
Because nobody's running around and doing everything. Yeah.

Now you barely ever see any friends. It's just so true.
It sucks. It sucks.

It does. Of course, we love you, man.
Okay, just checking my shirt. You love us?

I have always been a big fan. And when you guys, I was so happy for your success.
And I just, when you guys had kids, and

it just, you guys make me giggle. I get stuff all the time.
And yeah. And then you do these things like get nominated for awards.
And I'm just like, motherfuck, it is awesome. So congratulations.

I don't know how you're friends with Bert. Anyways,

he so fat. All right.
We will see you guys next week. Bye-bye.

We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming for us. A lot of people need

fart mic.

Yeah.

Toot toots. Yeah.

Toot toots. I'm serious about the fart mics.

Professional mics. Yeah.
We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming for a lot of people need

fart mic toots.

It's always

toots.

And in the profession. Can I grab the fart mic?

That was a perfect part. Thank you.
Yeah.

We got the equipment, Tom. Fart mic.
I feel like a lot of our listeners are sitting mic about wanting it.

Can I grab the fart mic?

Did it register?

You're kidding. Fart mic.

Oh, it's so upsetting. Yeah.
You did all that work

and then no one cared a film. Well, these chairs, like you've said before, they're not conducive to farting.
Fart mic. You gotta

smell bad. My tears come to my eyes.
That was

bad. That doesn't smell good.
You really gotta proud of yourself.

But you caught that on

chart, Mike.

You gotta really lean over. You gotta kind of relay in your shit hammock.
True.