#2762 Denise Richards and her Wild Things S0103-04: Mother Nose Best

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Speaker 1 Oh, hello, welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there.
Hello, Benooni Tunes.

Speaker 2 Hello, how's it going?

Speaker 1 Good. Welcome to the show, everybody.
Today, we're doing Denise Richards and Her Wild Things episodes three and four.

Speaker 1 But first, come see us this weekend in Cincinnati, where we'll be recovering, recovering, we'll be covering Summer House, and then in Minneapolis,

Speaker 1 we'll be covering Southern Charm, and then in Toronto on Sunday, where we will be doing the classic Real Housewives of New York episode, December Berkshire's County.

Speaker 1 For all of our ticket links and schedule for everything else, go over to watchwhatcrappins.com. We're going to be on tour the next few months, and we're excited to see you guys.

Speaker 1 Also, on Patreon, you can get our traders recaps our airport snaps recaps coming to you soon and all that good stuff and also videos which we're on today on crappin's on demand um so what's going on with you today

Speaker 2 not much just you know getting ready for a big weekend and you know having excited for all that that entails what's going on with you getting ready for all the different climates

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Speaker 2 I'm packing shorts and a puffer jacket because, you know, it's going to be like nearly 80 degrees in Cincinnati and then it's going to be down to like 20 in Minneapolis.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 it's going to be a journey for us.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a hard-nippled weekend. And I'm very excited to see you guys out.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to Denise Richards and her wild things.

Speaker 1 We open with Denise and she's thinking, yeah, you know, I've never said no to taking in an animal. My friend calls me Snow White because the squirrels all come around, but I think we can all agree.

Speaker 1 I got better tits. The squirrels say so anyway.

Speaker 2 And we see her just like leaving all sorts of peanuts out for the squirrels and everything. And she's got like a little, like, she even has like this like faux picnic table.

Speaker 2 She's like, I hope the squirrel sits at this and has a nice little picnic. And maybe the squirrel can get its little squirrel bag caught in the slats, just like I did.
So

Speaker 2 she's like, any dog, any cat, whatever. And we see just all these animals that she's had over the years.

Speaker 1 And we see Lola talking and she's like, we've had sheeps, we've had rabbits, we've had cats, we've had dogs, we've had iguanas, we've had camels, we've had lions, we've really had everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And all the pictures. That's so cute.
I like that in a person. Now, I don't want to go hang out at that person's house.
Because it usually smells.

Speaker 1 But I love that they're that kind of person in the world. Because you know who those people are? They're the people who make dodo videos.
My favorite videos.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So they're talking about they've had Lola says at one point they had nine cats and then Sammy had a couple of chameleons.
They had horses. They had pigs.

Speaker 2 I mean, we even see a, we even see a flashback all the way to her original show, Denise Richards is complicated. That was on E, right?

Speaker 2 I think that was on E, which is why they had the rights to show it here on Bravo. So Denise is like, well, the squirrels are my pets without actually being my pets.
I call one Fat Fred.

Speaker 2 And I know that's nice and people will think I'm, you know, I'm fat shimming him, but he's, you know, he's Fat Fred and then there's Skinny Joe, which is funny because there's a rapper named Fat Joe.

Speaker 2 So this is Skinny Joe. I just didn't want them to be confused because, you know, one does sick beats and one eats peanuts.
And, you know, Fat Fred is the first one to get the food.

Speaker 2 So, you know, it all makes sense if you really think about it. If you look at the lore of the squirrels,

Speaker 2 it tells a story.

Speaker 1 I was stuck on the pigs.

Speaker 1 Such cute pigs. And I still have such guilt about Spanky, my pig for two days.
I miss him. Spanky, wherever wherever you are.
I love you. I love that little pig.

Speaker 1 Even when he charged me and tried to murder me, I just loved him. So cute.
I love an animal like a pet that's like,

Speaker 1 stomps their feet and then comes charging at you and tries to knock you down. It's like, that's my child.
Please don't make me get rid of him. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 then we go to a rock climbing facility and Denise meets up with her daughters. This place is called Boulder Dash.
Get it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Denise basically is hoping that,

Speaker 2 you know, she's still trying to work on her daughter's relationship because at the last time we saw them, the daughters shook hands after feuding over some boy.

Speaker 2 So now Denise is trying to get them to climb together and bond together.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she goes up to the, she goes up to the climbing instructor and she's like, all right, here's why we're here.

Speaker 1 I did a show called Special Forces.

Speaker 1 You heard of it?

Speaker 1 Have you heard of that?

Speaker 1 He's like, no he goes okay so someone without a tv wow we got a reader over here

Speaker 1 good for you so anyway super physical and one of the things i did when i started training was the rock climbing so i want to do that again you know do you have a jojo sea wa here to carry tom sandoval through the rapids that would be great

Speaker 2 um i did not remember i was like what is special i didn't realize special forces was that show on fox that like sandoval was on everything i didn't realize she was actually on that show where they have to go through boot camp and climb around on everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought it was like Jojo fanny.

Speaker 2 I thought, because it just, you know, once that show, I remember when it was on, it's just that, like, once it was gone, it's such a generic name, Special Forces.

Speaker 2 I just assumed Special Forces was some like syndicated TV show from like 1997 that she was on, you know, like that show Birds of Prey or whatever.

Speaker 1 So, um, I don't know why people would do that for a reality show. It just sounds too hard.

Speaker 1 Like, maybe special skills, like, you put on your resume when you're an actor, you know, like I tap dance or I roller skate or I can hold a peanut M ⁇ M in my belly button for four days at a time.

Speaker 2 But some people love that shit. They love doing like the faux military thing.
So, you know, but I like, it sounds like a nightmare for me.

Speaker 2 So, um, yeah, so she was, so she's like, she, she did some rock climbing for that show. And so now she's into it.
She got the, she got the taste for it. So they, um,

Speaker 2 they're putting on their shoes and Sammy's like, I feel like I'm going to get like an ingrown toenail from these shoes all right all right just a short period of time okay i'll pay for your paddock

Speaker 2 you dumb little bitch

Speaker 1 so they get they're starting to go up and the climbing instructor is telling denise okay just it's nice and easy think a dance and sammy's like oh yeah she can't dance so she tried it but didn't work that's why she had to become an actor no dollar bills zero dollar bills so fun fact i uh i signed up for special forces because i actually thought it was a dancing show so that was a bit of a surprise when I, when I arrived with my,

Speaker 2 ready to do a pass of doble, and they made me jump off a bridge. So, you know, what can I say? It's life.

Speaker 1 So now it's Sammy's turn and the climbing instructor is like, I haven't seen a lot of climbers wearing hoops, but hey, I guess it's a new adventure.

Speaker 1 And she's like, yeah, I don't go a day without my hoobs.

Speaker 2 And Denise is like, yeah, I thought, hey, Lola, I thought she said boobs, not hoops.

Speaker 1 Think about that. So now they climb and then they but then they do show a shot of Sammy and it does look like she's climbing with her boobs.

Speaker 1 She's got big boobs, so it looks like they're grabbing onto the thing.

Speaker 1 And so they climb it and they still hate each other. You know, she's like, well, I'm so glad you girls are talking again.

Speaker 1 So listen, I need your help because you know, Brooke, she wants to plant Godzilla's memorial. No.

Speaker 1 You know, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 What? No one told me he was dead.

Speaker 1 I didn't know what you said, though.

Speaker 2 And so Sammy's like, yeah, Godzilla's dead. We should get a custom cake, like a cake that looks like a Godzilla.
And like, where should we do the memorial? Maybe like a nice park?

Speaker 2 Like, we'd bring other lizards there. So

Speaker 2 Denise is like, she says, well, okay, so here's the story.

Speaker 2 Brooke, Charlie Zach's, had this dragon lizard for 20 years, but then had to relinquish him to my care because she, you know, well, she was going to rehab.

Speaker 2 So God just left Godzilla on my door and was like, here, take the fucking lizard. And I didn't even know how to take care of this dumb thing.
But, you know, it's cute.

Speaker 1 i liked him so we put him up in the penthouse yeah you know he's scary when you first see him he's a fucking huge he looks like a dragon but we had him for nine months and then he passed you know i mean i didn't know how i was doing but i learned i made him a general store a mall to go around and you know he didn't really get along with the squirrels too well we don't talk about that part but um you know he had a primary suite a balcony

Speaker 2 Yeah, I made all sorts of like little miniature buildings so he could walk around and step on them and be all Godzilla-like. So then,

Speaker 2 so we see that flashback to two days earlier where Denise and Aaron have given Brooke ashes of Godzilla. And Brooke is like, in a way, he was like my little soulmate.

Speaker 1 Would you guys, you guys want to do a memorial?

Speaker 2 Maybe plan something? They're like,

Speaker 2 sure.

Speaker 1 Brooke, have we not done enough? We took care of your fucking lizard while you were in rehab. The nerve.
So now she's like, yeah, guys, you want to do a memorial, like plan something for him?

Speaker 1 That would be great.

Speaker 1 Brooke's an odd cookie too i'm glad they included brooke on their show i'm not really sure what her mouth is doing while she's talking or what her deal is but i like her she's like throw me a memorial okay all right just tell me where to go bye yeah

Speaker 2 yeah you know at this point Denise has taken in so many animals, which on the flip side means you've had to bury so many animals that it's like, wait,

Speaker 2 you just move on and get another animal, right? She's like, a memorial, okay.

Speaker 2 So no one wants to do this memorial, but they're going to do it. Denise wants a project for the daughters to work on together.

Speaker 2 So she's like, it's going to be a happy thing, a happy thing where we celebrate the life of a lizard in a public park.

Speaker 1 So Lola. Lola's like, but like, I don't even feel like I'm meant to go because like, I didn't ever hang out with Godzilla ever.

Speaker 2 And he's like, but you care about broke, don't you? She's like, yeah. It's like, well, that's her kid.
So like, when's it going to be? She's like, Saturday. Yes, you got three days to make a memorial.

Speaker 2 You can do it.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I can't do it on Saturday. I've got work, mom.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, if it were a person, person you can get off of work but yeah but obviously if it was a person i would go but this isn't a person no just don't say it's a person just say it's a memorial and you gotta go come on i mean well they're not gonna tell you you can't go to a memorial you know what kind of cookie hut is this

Speaker 1 you know with brooke i pray that she's okay but like i think she's like married to my dad Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Is she married to her? Who is this woman who was saying that?

Speaker 1 She really doesn't even know. None of the kids, neither of the kids even remembers that Brooke was married to the dad or Charlie C.

Speaker 1 She's like, wait. And then Sammy goes, yeah, wait, was she married to him? And she goes, yes, you didn't know she was married to your dad.
Come on.

Speaker 1 And she goes, you were there. She goes, how old was I? You were young.
I don't know shit. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Clearly, honey. Clearly, you don't know shit.

Speaker 2 So they're going to have to go shopping tomorrow for this lizard memorial.

Speaker 1 And then Lola's like, so by the way, Sammy, did you have fun with the climbing?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 Me neither.

Speaker 1 So Denise is going to have these wacky kids put a funeral together and that's going to be their bonding thing. You know, she's like, well, you know, they're negative kids.
Give them a death.

Speaker 1 Maybe that'll bond them. I don't know.

Speaker 1 She's like, you know, any opportunity to work together, I'll help them get over their shit. So good luck.

Speaker 1 And Aaron's like, but hey, how come whenever we have to help somebody, we're the ones that get stuck? Hey, why don't you stop your bitching, sir, when your whole family is living in her Malibu home?

Speaker 2 What the hell? Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 So she's like, well, when she was crying, she said she wants her out with a memorial. Did you think she was serious? He's like, no.

Speaker 2 I'm like,

Speaker 2 you know, but to be fair, like, does anyone ever think Aaron is serious about anything that he's saying? Like, with magnetic healing and big pharma coming after him.

Speaker 2 So Denise is like, well, she was, but then she didn't even take the box of this shit. He's like, yeah, well, you know, she left it.
Like, that can't be can't be that important.

Speaker 2 Do we really have to do this? She's like, well, we'll give it to her on Saturday. So, by the way,

Speaker 1 I want to love that. She's like, wow, my lizard's dead.
Okay. now I get a trailer full of this fake western town that you guys built him in a penthouse.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 polite golf clap to Aaron for,

Speaker 2 he's like, I'm going to do this scene. I'm going to show some chest cleave.
He's like, he like had his robe perfectly positioned so that he could show off the best features of his chest.

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, I'm just going to sit here in the scene with my robe at a perfect V right now for America to see. I was like, you did that on purpose, sir.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, I got to earn that money. So Sammy and Lola are driving and Lola's like, Sammy, can I borrow your hairbrush? She's like, um, no, but I want to fix my hair.
No, but my hair is not dirty.

Speaker 1 She's like, um, it's a Mason Pearson brush.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 so then Siri's like, sorry, I didn't quite catch that. And they all laugh.
And then Lola's like,

Speaker 1 you know, I've never heard of someone having a memorial for a lizard. Like, we never even did that for one of our dogs.

Speaker 2 She's like, yeah. It's not weird coming from mom.
She's like, let the, she like, let that lizard sleep in her bed.

Speaker 2 That's really disturbing.

Speaker 1 Well, once you've slept with Charlie Sheen, I guess it's like, well, more than Mary, or am I right?

Speaker 1 So Sammy's like, yeah, you know,

Speaker 1 mom had this like weird habit of accessorizing Godzilla and all her pets. She makes them wear wigs.

Speaker 1 See all these pictures of this lizard in little tiny wigs that she had made for it. Little sunglasses.

Speaker 2 The little, this lizard with the hat on. It was ridiculous.
So then Lola gets a phone call.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God, why is a no-caller ID calling me? Is it God?

Speaker 2 And then they answer, and this guy starts saying, yo, I'm not trying to apologize.

Speaker 1 And she just hangs up and she's like, oh my God, I've like blocked him everywhere. Just like, I made it clear that I just don't want to, I just want to be friends with him.

Speaker 1 Like, he doesn't follow Jesus or make him the center of his life.

Speaker 2 She just hung up on this guy who's like, I'm just trying to talk to you.

Speaker 1 No, follow Jesus. Your first call should have been to Jesus, our Lord.
Okay. And your second call could have been to me.

Speaker 1 And Sammy's like, well, I think I'd like to have a word with him then. She's, you don't need to do that.
And Sammy's like, yeah, I'm very overprotective of my sister.

Speaker 1 If any guy doesn't respect my sister, I'm going to knock him in the nuts. And I just want her to do that for me.
Okay, but that was her friend first.

Speaker 1 So I know that you're trying to make this huge, like, I'm the better sister because I stand up more, but no, that that was her friend first sorry

Speaker 2 Yeah, and we also don't know the full context of why you and that guy broke up because as far as we can see Sammy, you're maybe not the best decision maker in this group here, so I'm not saying I'm not gonna take sides, but I also would like to hear the full story before I start going hard in the paint.

Speaker 2 Team Lola.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Team Lola. I'm Team Lola.

Speaker 1 So now they go to a frame store and they have had a picture of this

Speaker 1 Gila monster thing blown up and

Speaker 1 they're, you know, gonna get it framed for this thing. So then, uh, the store owner's like, oh, an iguana, is he, did he pass? And they're like, yeah, but he was around for like 20 years.

Speaker 1 He's like, wow.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, how about this and this? I'll go get that done. And so Sammy's like, so do you want to do like a prayer? And she goes, oh my God, really? You think I should do a prayer? Me? A prayer?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I could never do a prayer.
I should do a prayer. Oh, my God.
It's my first prayer solo.

Speaker 1 Prayer, prayer. Oh, am I going to do a prayer? I'm going to be so alone.
I'm going to have time to hear about this for days. She's like, oh, Jesus Christ.
Read something off your fucking phone.

Speaker 2 I mean, you did a prayer for Taco Tuesday last week. I think you can do one for a lizard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she was like, but there's no like, there's no like prayers in the Bible for like lizards, but like I could still do a prayer for a lizard.

Speaker 1 And it's like, yeah, there weren't prayers for tacos either. He managed it.
You'll be fine.

Speaker 2 People find a way to pray for a lot of things.

Speaker 2 I think you can find one for Godzilla. So then Sammy's like, oh, I just noticed you copied my hair.

Speaker 1 She's like, um, I wear clips in my hair every single day, Sammy.

Speaker 2 She's like, okay, whatever.

Speaker 1 And they do have the exact same hair. I like the part in the car where she, Sammy's like, or Lila's like, I just got my nails done.
She's like, let me look at them. Not my favorite.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, that's just because you don't like bright colors. She says, yeah, I do.
Look at my nails.

Speaker 1 She goes through the middle finger. I love these two kids, these wacky kids.
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Speaker 2 So then we go to the Henry restaurant, and Denise is saying, you know, I think people are surprised I can get past stuff. I mean, I don't hold grudges with people.

Speaker 2 I mean, did Godzilla eat half my calf? Yes, but you know what? It wasn't really his fault. And I moved forward.
I'm one of resolution, you know? And so then we see

Speaker 2 the unmistakable sight of Erica Jane's legs walking into the restaurant, also because we've seen the trailer. And she's like, hi,

Speaker 2 hi.

Speaker 2 There she is. Hey, lady.

Speaker 1 Denise is like, oh, God, fuck you.

Speaker 1 So, Erica, I'll never forget my first year knowing you, which is kind of a lie because I've forgotten most of it. But this part I do know.

Speaker 1 We had so much fun in our content and we're just like oh yeah we just we just oh yes i think but you know i was upset after your barbecue because we were talking and you said oh my kids are there do you remember this so we see the flashback of denise calling erica into a coffee shop because she was talking about threesomes where her children could hear this might be why sammy's on only fans for all we know

Speaker 2 Yes, so

Speaker 2 you know, I just felt a little bit judged because we were all talking about sex, but I was the one that got taken to coffee.

Speaker 2 So Denise is like, well, I wasn't mad. I just wanted coffee.
And at that time, you were actually wealthy. So I thought I could get a free cup of joke from you.
So anyway, I just wanted you to know,

Speaker 2 I don't want to be talking about threesomes. That's it.

Speaker 1 She's like, but I felt called out.

Speaker 2 She's like, well, I really am. I really am sorry for that.

Speaker 1 You know, well, I'm sorry too.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, wow. It's only took like five years to bury the hatchet on this one.
Five, with four different attempts.

Speaker 1 And this is how you make up. You just forget that half of the stuff happened, right? Because the way they retell the story, it's like, oh, she was talking about threesomes.
Denise didn't like that.

Speaker 1 But what Denise really didn't like was she said, please stop talking about threesomes around my kids. And Erica said, they're already having threesomes, honey.
Like, how old are your kids?

Speaker 1 They probably already had them or something like that. And that's why Denise got all pissed off.
But they just leave that part out so they can make up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And yeah, like Erica probably was the only one called out because the producers were like, okay, Denise and Erica, you guys need to have a scene. So they're like, okay, we'll talk about this.

Speaker 2 And then it turns into something that has haunted the two of them for five years.

Speaker 2 So Denise tells us, you know, whether it's something with your dad or something with Erica Jane, I want to show you and your sister, Sammy, that you can get past that.

Speaker 2 You know, it just takes five years of holding on to a grudge that happened in a coffee shop.

Speaker 1 And maybe a really awkward weed party where I accuse, where someone accused me of wearing my coat upside down. Now that bitch are not forgiving.

Speaker 2 So then they basically, Denise and Erica are like, okay,

Speaker 2 we're going to be friends now. And then Erica's like, by the way, Denise, thanks for reaching out during my divorce and my legal issues I had.

Speaker 5 And I'd like to add, what about me? Why did anyone ask me about why

Speaker 2 you went through all that stuff with a lizard? Where was the stuff? Where was the sympathy I got for my lizard?

Speaker 1 You got a lizard?

Speaker 5 No, but I could have had one.

Speaker 2 Where was my messages?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And she's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, you know, we're having a memorial for, you know, Godzilla. She's, who's Godzilla? A lizard.
Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 And I was married to a lizard. I'm not going to have a memorial for that motherfucker.
Do you know what he did to me?

Speaker 2 So now we have this montage. It's like a, because we're going out, we're going to go over to the memorial now and we see memories of Godzilla.

Speaker 2 played by like then we hear like the requiem in the background which is funny because at the oscars this year when they did the memoriam they also played the Requiem, which is the one that's like,

Speaker 2 it's like a very serious piece of like scary church music. That's like, it doesn't feel like mourning to me.
It kind of feels like you're like going into church to be like,

Speaker 2 I don't know, to do something very serious to have, I don't know, like kneel down in front of a priest and have something done to you or whatever, not sexually, just like some sort of churchy thing.

Speaker 2 So we hear this music playing and we are seeing flashbacks of Godzilla's life, Godzilla in a cowboy hat, Godzilla with a cake made of Fig Newtons, things like that.

Speaker 1 And all these photos. My favorite is there's a sign-in table, and it has a photo of Godzilla, and then next to him is a photo of Stevie Nicks.
Yeah, and Brooke shows up.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God, this is amazing, guys. Thank you so much.
And Denise is like, ah, did you guys get around my Brooke's Jewish?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Wait a minute.
I'm about to do something for a Jewish person. Oh, no.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 they have this little ceremony and Lola.

Speaker 1 Lola's like, okay, guys, here we go. Big moment.

Speaker 1 So we gather here today to remember a lizard and bless the beasts and the children. And

Speaker 1 here's to you, here's to me. May we never disagree.
If we do, fuck you. Godzilla's dad.
Yay. Wait, was that a prayer or was that a toast? I don't know.
Rub it up. Thanks for the crap.
Yay, God.

Speaker 1 I'm done. Nailed it.
And Aaron's like, I'd like to say something.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 this guy,

Speaker 1 he was a fucking lizard. And lizards are, you know, badass.
So I was like, wow, you're like badass.

Speaker 1 Cause you're a lizard. So

Speaker 1 thanks. Brooke's like, yeah, you know, he was a lizard.
And there were days that I just felt so bad. And the only thing that would make me feel good was him and heroin.

Speaker 1 But, you know, heroin's not dead. So we'll get to that when we get to that.
But thanks, gods.

Speaker 2 Loved you, buddy.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 now we go on to the next episode, episode four, called Only Pans.

Speaker 2 And Denise is like, tells us, you know, people always say, you know, that I've had plastic surgery on my face, which I haven't. you know, I just got bit by Godzilla a few times.

Speaker 2 I mean, you can talk about the original nip and tuck lizard bites, but

Speaker 2 I've had my boobs done, which, you know, and I have to have them done again

Speaker 2 because the show I did, the last, that Special Forces show popping my hands.

Speaker 1 Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? At least they can't answer you, their TV audience. All right.
Let's just assume they've seen them unlike motherfucking Boulder Dash cocksucker.

Speaker 2 I really thought Carrie Ann and Appa would be on there. I mean, they kept saying Foxtrot and Tango so many times.
I mean, who would be, you can't

Speaker 2 hurt a girl for being mistaken there, huh? Or blame them.

Speaker 1 She jumped off a bridge in Special Forces and popped her implants. So

Speaker 1 she has to get new ones. Why have you not gotten new ones since? Did they just take the implants out? What happened? Aren't you just allowed to walk around with popped implants? What the hell?

Speaker 1 What's a yolanda foster is this?

Speaker 2 I know. What is that?

Speaker 2 What does that mean? What is that like? So Lola tells, Lola's like, um, you, you didn't tell me that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would never jump off a drip.

Speaker 2 Lola's always the last to find out about something like Godzilla dying. Did he just drop jumping off a bridge? Sammy getting a nose job.

Speaker 1 What? I didn't know about that. I would, you know, I would go skydiving.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I really would go skydiving, but I would, I would never jump off a bridge. I mean, that's scary down there.

Speaker 1 But I think it's funny that she doesn't even bother watching her mom's shows. She's like, what?

Speaker 1 That happened? She's like, it was on TV. God damn, look.

Speaker 1 So then we go to kitchen number one, townhouse studio number one, and Denise is turning her kitchen into a studio. Because I'm going to make cooking content.

Speaker 1 You know, my mom would laugh if she saw me being filmed cooking because, you know, she wasn't a cook when I was younger, but here's me. And Aaron's like, yeah, she can

Speaker 1 cook. Her videos are charming.
I've ejaculated to every single one. So dicks up.
Two dicks up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she's basically like, you know, I've cooked a lot of stuff, but the one thing I haven't been able to perfect has been pasta, mainly because I don't follow any recipes and I don't know how to make it, but I just put a bunch of stuff in in a bowl and hope for the best but yeah, I come really close.

Speaker 2 I mean really close not close at all. I think I actually once made paper by accident.

Speaker 1 I actually somehow made paper You know, I just want to show people like I'm like you you know, you just have to keep trying I got the most expensive flour sentenced from Italy and I mean I still haven't gotten it right I mean look you don't have to get the most expensive flour from Italy, but you can keep trying and that's the point.

Speaker 1 Every video is going to be a mistake that's never really fixed. So will you know

Speaker 1 by the end of this video? Probably not, but you'll feel better about yourself.

Speaker 2 Look, I'm just like, I'm just like anyone in their home.

Speaker 2 Drop a few thou on some imported flour, buy some cameras, set up an entire, you know, filming rig, and, you know, make some passive without knowing how to do it and just burn through that flour and just waste all that money.

Speaker 2 And just like any other normal person, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 So now she's making her video and her kids are cracking up at her and she's like, Sammy has to be the egg cracker. And she's like, okay, Sammy, get a couple of yolks in there.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, my God, is that like the yellow part or like the orange part? Oh my God, I've got salmonella on my hands.

Speaker 1 And then we see the bowl of yolks and it's like half filled with whites as well. This is not going to go well.

Speaker 2 This is, this is like an odd,

Speaker 2 this is, this is like an, she's, I just like that Denise is, I appreciate that she's just going to try to, you know, eyeball it like the, like the No Nas did in the back when when before there were like cookbooks and youtube videos and food network but also we have all those things now so at least like read the recipe beforehand and get like a general game plan because this is just going in such a disastrous way but it's funny though so they're so they're cracking the eggs they make this they make this dough and then um she's like we see this like the the recipe on screen as it sort of unfurls out of denise's head she's like okay so we four eggs four more eggs one cup of flour one one cup well, mainly flour, maybe, I don't know, maybe two cups, maybe four cups, maybe like three cups.

Speaker 2 You know what? Here, do we have any nicotine we can just throw in there? I don't know, just to give it, perk it up and make it exciting. Just a chopped up cigarette.

Speaker 1 Get some of the score, the peanut squirrels things, throw them in there. You know, maybe at least they'll like it.
All right, we're supposed to rest the dough for a bit.

Speaker 1 One hour, two hours, three hours. I don't know, something like that.
Like, mom,

Speaker 1 how do we do this? So they wrap it up and then they put the dough in the fridge. And she was like, okay, resting's done.
It's like, mom, I just put it in there.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, we're going to fake it because it's the cooking show. So that's what they do on the cooking show.
They just throw it in the fridge and they bring it right back out. Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I thought what she was going to say was,

Speaker 2 here's some that I made earlier today that has been resting. And now we're going to

Speaker 1 forget that part. No.

Speaker 2 She's like, no, I don't want to put it in. I'm going to take it out right away.
I was like, anyway, that's not how the cooking shows work.

Speaker 2 So she just starts sending this like unrested dough and it comes out just holes and goopy.

Speaker 2 Now, I don't know if this was a fault with the recipe or if it had rested, if it somehow would have gone through the pasta machine better. I don't know what it was, but it was a very rustic noodle.

Speaker 2 We'll just say that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 she is driving Sammy to a pre-op appointment in her Corvette. And Sammy's like, oh my God, mom, I like seriously have car sickness.
I'm going to die in this car. I hate this fucking car, mom.

Speaker 1 Why do you have to drive a stick shift? Car sickness. Why does everybody that age have car sickness? I don't get it.

Speaker 1 I've asked this before on the show, but it's like an epidemic of young people who have car sickness.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're weak.

Speaker 1 They're weak.

Speaker 2 So Denise is like, yeah, well, I drive stick. And people are surprised that I drive stick, but I also know how to ride stick.
If you know what I'm saying, Aaron, see you tonight.

Speaker 2 So then she says, she's like, are you excited to meet your doctor? And Sammy is really excited because she's going to get her nose done.

Speaker 2 And she's wanted her, the things that she's wanted to get done the most are her boobs and her nose.

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh, my God, I've wanted to get my nose done even longer than my boobs.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And life goals.
So she's like, you know, I just, she says that she was like really insecure about being flat chested. And then she got bullied in school.

Speaker 2 And then people would say that she looked like her dad and she just didn't want to look like her dad because, you know, she's, and then people would say that she's not as pretty as her mom.

Speaker 2 And people are such monsters. Jeez.

Speaker 1 Seriously.

Speaker 2 Teenagers are terrible.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she said someone commented just the other day that she'll never be as pretty as her mom.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, well, then stop paying for my OnlyFans, you fucking troll so um sammy's like you know i just think with my nose done i'll look like more feminine because like it's like a really hard feature on my face and denise is like oh my god my daughter wants to get her nose doesn't feel perfect because like she just wants her nose to be like my fucking nose like sorry for having a fucking perfect nose i can't believe my nose did this to my daughter i'm just gonna get my fucking nose cut off

Speaker 2 and denise is like well i'm also a little nervous because you said you don't want me there for the surgery. She's like, yeah, you just make me anxious, mom.

Speaker 2 And I'd rather have like my best friend there who's not going to stress me out.

Speaker 2 So, by the way, I'd be like, you little brat, I'm paying for this thing. So I'm going to be there.

Speaker 2 So they go to the doctor's office and

Speaker 2 Lola. And so they sit down, they meet with him.
And he basically.

Speaker 1 He's like, hi, welcome. Hello.
His eyes are so frighteningly wide. He's terrifying.
This guy's fucking terrifying. I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 I'm not fucking with this guy, but he's like, welcome to my office. Everything's going to go great.
We're just going to fillet your nose.

Speaker 2 I know. He's like, I'm going to make my splash on TV.
I'm going to do it. I'm going to wear a big tie and bulge my eyes out.
I'm ready. I'm the new Dr.

Speaker 2 I forgot his last name.

Speaker 1 Nazif.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So then

Speaker 2 we, meanwhile, we cut to Lola at home and

Speaker 2 she's at this house and the three golden retrievers are running around everywhere. There's poop everywhere.
She's cleaning it up. They're like tackling each other.

Speaker 2 They're like playing on the sofa and she's losing her mind and trying to set up a crate.

Speaker 1 She's like, mom, what do I do? This is like too much. You know, I can do all things through Christ, but like, I think I'm actually a builder.
Look, I make crates.

Speaker 2 So she's going through it over there and she basically leaves a voicemail like, when are you coming back, mom? Cause these dogs are too much.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then back to the office. Denise is like, wait a minute.
Does dad know not to tell anyone? Cause he'll tell people.

Speaker 1 She's like, um, I don't know, mom, but if you tell Lola, it's like telling everybody. Okay.
Cause she tells everyone everything.

Speaker 1 Like when I got my implants done, I told so many people, I got so many opinions. Like some people said, go bigger.
Some people said go smaller. Someone suggested I get like Hot Wheels put in my boobs.

Speaker 1 Like, what the hell does that even mean? I almost did it. I don't want anybody to know about my nose.

Speaker 2 Even though I'm on TV.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she's like really upset because the source of this is that when she told everyone she was going to get implants, she got a lot of input from people and they were like, you should go go smaller instead of bigger you're gonna like you're gonna regret going bigger and then she went smaller and she wants bigger and she's like really mad that people got into her head and like told her to go smaller when she wanted to go really big

Speaker 1 don't trust a village you know what it trusts a village to up your boob implants you know every time

Speaker 1 so this is when the doctor's like we're gonna fillet the cartilage on your nose and denise is like oh wait a minute no let me tell you someone with a cooking show

Speaker 1 what do you mean you're gonna fillet her nose I don't. He's like, well, you know, just we're going to

Speaker 1 fillet the cartilage. We're just going to shave it off the top like a layer of sushi.
And they're like, uh,

Speaker 1 bedside manner. All right, let's work on that.
Fuck. I need better bedside manner and fucking special forces, you know?

Speaker 2 Do you know?

Speaker 2 You've seen it? No. It's really good.
We fillet things there too, mainly fish.

Speaker 2 And then they show, he shows like, here's the nose before, and this is what it's going to look like after and it's like the smallest little difference They're probably gonna charge like $40,000 for it like this tiny little thing and Sammy's like oh That's already such a major difference.

Speaker 2 It's like

Speaker 2 I was like I it's so small, but you know people have you know everyone has their thing

Speaker 2 So then we go to

Speaker 2 townhouse number two and we have Denise making a snack for Eloise and Denise is you know asking if she's ready to go to school because her tutor comes over or her teacher Miss Angie.

Speaker 2 And Denise tells us about raising Eloise and how Eloise has special needs and she's mainly nonverbal and that they had her in a classroom for a while.

Speaker 2 But kids are just brats, as we've already seen earlier in this episode. Kids are mean.
And they saw her.

Speaker 1 She always came home wanting smaller boobs. I mean, kids, am I right? We got her homeschooled after that.

Speaker 2 So she's been working with this teacher, and she's really starting to blossom. And she's mainly nonverbal, but she can speak.
She can speak about like 10 words.

Speaker 2 And when she says them, she says them very quietly, but she clearly can like hear, like she, she hears your processes and she's starting to learn how to respond over text, which is really fascinating.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So the teacher's like, okay, you're going to answer with a yes or a no, okay.

Speaker 1 Eloise, do you want to paint another pumpkin? Okay, why are you sending me an eggplant, Eloise? You're a very bad girl.

Speaker 1 Very bad girl, Eloise.

Speaker 2 And the pretty just asking Eloise if she gets along with her sisters and she's like nodding and smiling. She's so sweet and so cute.

Speaker 2 And Denise is like, Well, I definitely think that Eloise brings out the best in Sammy and Lowell. They just light up with her.
And, you know, she's very savvy with the phone and the computer.

Speaker 2 Oh, we did have a little mishap where I didn't realize that some of my OnlyFan pictures were synced up to her iPad. So that was

Speaker 2 a little bit of an oopsie moment.

Speaker 1 The teacher's like, well, that explains the eggplant. God, all's well that ends well.
Am I right?

Speaker 1 So then we go to

Speaker 2 Denise, which is OnlyFan pictures pictures popped up on Eloise's iPad.

Speaker 1 And the producer's like, well, what'd you think of those pictures, Eloise? And Eloise just starts cracking up. She's like, oh.

Speaker 1 Okay, so then we go to

Speaker 1 Denise and Erin setting up a backdrop because now she's such a good cook. She's proved that she really is ready for a cooking show by not being able to make pasta two times in a row.

Speaker 1 So now she's like, all right, I came up with another idea. I mean, people think Denise Richards cooking show, boring.

Speaker 1 So, well, okay, here's what we're going to do. It's going to be called Only Pans, right? So I got these little pants.
I'm going to put them over my boobs. All right.

Speaker 1 So then they'll be like, oh, you know, maybe if we pitch it and they don't like it, we can say, but pans over boobs. Who doesn't want that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, you know, you have to do things over the top to get someone's attention.

Speaker 2 You know, after a while, things, people saw me as a sex symbol, so I had to dial it down a little bit, do something different. So I started cooking.

Speaker 2 And I do a lot of Christmas movies, do a lot of conservative movies, but now I want to embrace my sexuality. So I thought, you know what?

Speaker 2 Let me do this project that'll appeal neither to the people who want to see me as a sex object nor the people who want to see me in Christmas movies. Just me, pans over my boobs, making bad pasta.

Speaker 1 So they do a photo sheet, a photo shoot, and Aaron's just saying things like, oh, yeah, turn up the heat. Am I right? Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. God, some reason right now, I want a fucking omelet.

Speaker 2 Babe, I'm sucking in my gut. So now we go to Sammy and pre-op and she's in the waiting room.
And her friend Leah is there. Leah is her friend who went to the rave with her.

Speaker 2 And it's so funny because, like, Sammy is now out of makeup because she's going to surgery. And she looks so much, she's like a kid again.
And like, she looks like she is 14. It's just crazy, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 So she is, uh, she's like, well, maybe I should have had Lola here so she could have said like 85 stupid prayers for me.

Speaker 1 She's like, yeah, I'm glad my mom didn't come. And then the custody's holding pans over her boobs.
She's like, yeah, you know, it kind of hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 I mean, what mother, what good mother doesn't want to be with her when their kid's getting filleted? All right.

Speaker 1 Sammy's like, yeah, if my mom was here, she'd be asking a bunch of stupid questions. Roll the tape of stupid questions.
We've seen the doctor. She's like, what do you mean by fillet? All right.

Speaker 1 Do you have a computer that does that? Do you do it? Do you ever blink? Because I haven't seen you blink.

Speaker 2 It's just weird that I'm not there for her nose job. I mean, I was there when, you know, Godzilla got his face lift, so you'd think I'd be there for Sammy, but I guess I'm just

Speaker 1 too much anxiety. Godzilla didn't mind when I was watching him get his waddle cut off, so I don't have a big fucking deal with.

Speaker 2 You know, when Godzilla got his lipo, I was of great support to him, but it's fine if, you know, she's an adult, she can choose who she wants with her.

Speaker 2 So Lola and Denise are driving together, and Lola's like, well, I'm really excited to get some stuff for the dogs.

Speaker 1 You know, they're really out of control. I tried to say a prayer for them.
It just didn't work, but I did build a cage.

Speaker 2 So, well, I need your help for them with all the dogs. She's like, Paul, we can.

Speaker 1 I was like, Yeah, well, why can't Sammy wash them?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, she's got her nose job. Oh, no.
Did I just say that out loud?

Speaker 1 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. What? She's getting a nose? That's crazy.
Like, why couldn't she just be happy with her nose? I just don't get it. It's not even a big deal.
It's your fault, mother.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I have no problems keeping secrets. That's why I'm shocked.
It just slept.

Speaker 1 And Lila's like, yeah, telling secrets to my mom never ends well.

Speaker 2 It's like, but you can't tell anybody.

Speaker 1 It's like, I don't care enough to tell people. I mean, the Lord knows, and that's all that matters.

Speaker 2 She's like, okay, well, now I feel horrible. I, you know, I'm really, oh, God, I really can't believe I fucked up.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I won't tell anyone.

Speaker 2 No, I'm talking about the pasta. I'm just back on that.
I really should have let it rest.

Speaker 1 And then we see Sammy go under for her nose fillet. And don't, don't, don't.
Will Sammy come back looking like he who shall not be named from Harry Potter?

Speaker 1 Or will she come back with the nose she's always dreamed of? Or will the doctor give her what she really wants, which is just a big tit instead of a nose? Who knows? Yes.

Speaker 2 We'll find out.

Speaker 2 So it's going to be a pressing question that will carry us all through the week. So thanks everyone for being here and for listening.
And hopefully we'll see a bunch of you this weekend at our shows.

Speaker 2 And for everyone else, we'll catch you in the next episode.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Bye.

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Speaker 2 Picture this.

Speaker 7 You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange. The horizon doesn't look right.
At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 7 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water. And it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 7 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 7 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 7 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 7 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.