#2755 Southern Charm S10E13: Dunce On This Island

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Speaker 1 Watch what crappiness.

Speaker 1 Watch what craft is. Who cares what happens? But there's so much good crap.

Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to Watch Watch Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, the one, the only Ronnie Carom.

Speaker 1 Hey, Ronnie, how's it going? Hey, what's going on, baby?

Speaker 1 You know, just it's Friday. We made it to the end of the week.
So excited. And one week from today, our live shows are resuming in Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 We're doing Cincinnati, Minneapolis, and Toronto all next weekend, which is really wild when you think about it.

Speaker 1 So Cincinnati, we're going to be doing Summerhouse and then Minneapolis. We're going to do Southern Charm.
And in Toronto, we're doing a classic, classic Real Housewives Roney

Speaker 1 season eight, episode nine. It's the famous Berkshires episode, December, Berkshires County.
You know the episode. We're recapping it.
That's going to be hilarious and it's going to be wild.

Speaker 1 So looking forward to that.

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Speaker 1 We're talking Traders finale uh talking finale this week and we'll talk about the reunion next week um and of course in case you missed the news apple has levied an apple tax on their apps which means that if you sign up for patreon through the patreon app that you got from the apple store you're gonna have to pay a surcharge however if you just sign up through patreon

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Speaker 1 southern charm

Speaker 1 we're still on vacation and shep is still trying to convince us he's just a sweet little boy a boy who wants a girl a girl who won't say yes a girl who doesn't understand the meaning of a megalodon necklace gorsh

Speaker 1 I have to say, this, I think, was one of the funniest Southern Charm episodes that I can remember. Like, just in terms of the sheer amount of number of times I laughed and cringed.

Speaker 1 I was covering my face. It was just like the whole episode just had me cracking up.

Speaker 1 I'll always remember it. It was,

Speaker 1 it was,

Speaker 1 it was, it was an ordeal.

Speaker 1 It was so cringy. It was a lot.
You have the hypocrisy of Shep, the hypocrisy of Craig bringing in an alcoholism storyline while he's fucking fall down drunk. Yes.

Speaker 1 Like, you're doing great over there, Craig. He's like, I'm just trying not to be an alcoholic.
I'm like, you're drunk. Can we have this conversation when you're not drunk?

Speaker 1 Seriously. So let's let's dive right into it.
So

Speaker 1 they are coming back from

Speaker 1 boat.

Speaker 1 They just gone on this yacht, et cetera. And so now they're going to get ready for dinner.

Speaker 1 I feel like this whole vacation always starts off with them just getting back off of a boat and going to dinner. So we're in the guy's suite and Shep is laying on the bed.

Speaker 1 And Shep is like, Gosh, Craig, are you out of the shower yet? He's like, Yeah, what's up? It's like, Well, you're gonna think I'm an idiot, but can I ask you a question? And his leg is shake.

Speaker 1 Like, you think you would think that there is a live wire that has been attached to his calf because that leg is like,

Speaker 1 girl, that leg is shaking so much, you'd think it had nostrils.

Speaker 1 So, Shep's like, Oh my gosh, this is crazy, Craig. It's crazy.
I got this necklace for a girl. Will I look like a fool? Will I look like a tool?

Speaker 1 Will I look like Jeruel if I give it to her?

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Craig's just like, why? And he's like, I'm going to see her tonight. She's coming to dinner.
And Craig's like, oh, God, the necklace isn't the weird thing. The dinner is, so she's coming to dinner.

Speaker 1 Give her the necklace. I mean, I think the decision's dinner.
That's crazy. That's the crazy part.

Speaker 1 You don't do, you don't have dinner with somebody that's not in love with you those are the rules of love

Speaker 1 well she's coming to dinner bravo do you have anything to say about that

Speaker 1 gosh i thought i'd get a loved

Speaker 1 not a sad

Speaker 1 so then craig why is she coming to various dinner

Speaker 1 it was like a

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 it's like a running out of steam like a

Speaker 1 why is she coming to dinner You slept on the beach last night because of her.

Speaker 1 I mean, Craig is going to be the one who's going to lecture Shep about doing things for someone who's clearly annoyed by their affections. I mean, come on, Craig.

Speaker 1 That's your whole relationship with Paige. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Shep's over it now. He's like, what? And also, Shep didn't sleep on the beach because of her.
He slept on the beach because he's a fucking drunk. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Keep himself in line. That's why he slept on the beach.
He slept on the beach not because of love. It's because of demons.
So Shep is like, gosh, I did sleep on that beach.

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, but you don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that she doesn't like him. I mean, Shep's going to continue to get led on.
So what's the point of having her at dinner?

Speaker 1 Because also, like, she's allowed to come to dinner. She's like, Shep invited her.
He likes her. It's not going anywhere, but like, let her come to dinner.

Speaker 1 You know, it wouldn't be her coming to dinner is not a bad thing if you're not a dick to her, Craig, which he winds up being.

Speaker 1 yeah craig is in full-on belligerent drunk craig mode this whole episode but it's funny because he's still got his waving judgy finger around so it's like perfect craig it's like bloated faced red faced craig you know judging everybody while he's a walking fucking mess you know it's perfect yeah so and also shep just to say it again shep is not being led on by this girl How is he being led on when she won't even show up anywhere or shoot with?

Speaker 1 He's not being led on. He's being told pretty clearly and he's not listening.
She's trying to be polite because he keeps guilting her and she's like, oh God, this guy brought all his friends down.

Speaker 1 Like it would be so dick if I just ghost him and it's going to be documented on TV. So let me like say, well, I'll try to like say hi or whatever.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 But Craig is, I think Craig is really demonizing

Speaker 1 Sienna in a way that I think is actually like really obnoxious. So Craig's like, well, I'm not challenging if she's a good person or not.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, no, but we have a connection, this sort of connection that you honor by finding a megalithon tooth and putting it on a chain and wrapping it around her neck.

Speaker 1 So Craig's like, no, no, you're broken up. Not anymore.
It's over.

Speaker 1 So he's like, so what good is this dinner going to do? And he's like, it doesn't matter, Craig. It's happening.

Speaker 1 So, you know, Shep's like, you know, Craig gets it in his mind that someone's not right for one of his friends and he will not back down.

Speaker 1 And so he's like, you know,

Speaker 1 don't ask me to be rational at this moment. That's ridiculous.
I'm a boy. A boy with a heart.
A heart that's in love.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll act like it doesn't bother me, but I mean, it does a little, but I can handle this. Big boys get shark teeth.
So Craig is like, he's like, fine. It's like, I'll handle it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So Shep is like, Shep is, he's like, Shep, does it bother you? And Shep's like, no, I like being around her. I love being around Sienna just as she loves me.
She really loves me.

Speaker 1 Craig's like, well, how about this? We don't ignore the end result tonight.

Speaker 1 So however the fuck you end up tonight, if I'm looking for you again in the hotel at four in the morning, then you listen to me and you don't fucking talk to her ever again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if this goes all right, then we're done with her. And he goes, spell awry.

Speaker 1 Which is really funny. Again, I like that he's trying to nag Craig on his way out.

Speaker 1 I don't think you're allowed to nag people when you're carrying around a Megalodon necklace to give to somebody. You fucking jackass.

Speaker 1 I will say the Megalodon necklace looked better than I thought it would, but it's still a Megalodon necklace. It's a shark tooth necklace.
It's still like a beach comer like tchotchki.

Speaker 1 So, um,

Speaker 1 I got you a license plate that says your name to hang in your bedroom.

Speaker 1 Fucking battle.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he's like, okay, gosh, I'm going to go walk with Sienna down to where we're eating. And then we're going to hang out.
And we're going to have fun. We're going to have fun.

Speaker 1 She will see that we are a fun, fun group. And then she'll love me again.
It'll happen, guys. It was like, yeah.
So the guys are like, ah, she doesn't listen to us. He doesn't listen to us.

Speaker 1 Because Craig's like, when are you going to have an opinion on something? Austin. It's like, oh, she's not going to listen to us anyway.
Come on. Come on.

Speaker 1 And then Rodrigo, just one of the guys, he's like, like jesus christ

Speaker 1 i forgot he was even there it's just like it's like a it's like a jump it's like a jump cut to him a jump scare i was like oh rodrigo is just sitting on the sofa right below this entire conversation like guys

Speaker 1 so austin's like is what craig's saying a shepherd true i think yes is the is the way he's delivering it wrong i think yes as well i mean craig is just being a dick it's insane right now So now we go over to the girls.

Speaker 1 Sweet. And Whitney does something radical, which is that he shows up wearing all white, which I was like, I don't understand this.

Speaker 1 And is he yeah, is he going to a hospital? Like, why is he wearing black? Is he well?

Speaker 1 Have we seen white in linen before? It's weird. It's just so wrinkly for witness.
But I like it. I mean, Whitney's a fun person to watch sink into alcoholism.

Speaker 1 I have to say because he's always kind of kept it together, but he is no longer keeping it together.

Speaker 1 He just kind of wanders around the beach, trolling for

Speaker 1 young people, and then just joins in the slutshane girls every once in a while, wasted.

Speaker 1 You know, so you know, when you see like an old wasp with like a bow tie on, sort of slashed over and slurring and murmuring, and you think to yourself, like, how did they get like that?

Speaker 1 It's happened when you did it. Congratulations, yeah, and you're like, Oh my god, they're gonna sting me.
Why is that wasp in a bow tie? What is evolution's happening too quickly?

Speaker 1 Uh, so he goes to Madison's room and she's getting ready. He's like, You have

Speaker 1 never

Speaker 1 thought of him,

Speaker 1 so uh tell me about this uh book cruise this morning.

Speaker 1 What have I missed?

Speaker 1 And that's like, but it was a massive, yeah, it was great. And Sala's like, yeah, it was a good day.
I mean, Chep was just being sad over Sienna. Yeah, like a simp, like a beta simp.

Speaker 1 Whitney's like, oh, I don't know what that means, but like, what the fuck goes wrong with him? Well, he can't wrap his head around the fact that she's just not into him. That he, he doesn't, you know.

Speaker 1 She just, he can't understand that. She's just not born for corn.
Okay. And like, could you imagine bringing all your fucking friends and coming here? and then not getting laid? Sam.

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, I want you to

Speaker 1 do the smoky eyes. Do the smokey eyes, Madison.
She's like, with these tents, I look like a whore. And he's like, it's not you, like you don't look like one anyway.

Speaker 1 Wow, Whitney. Every episode in Whitney's in this season, he's disgusting.
It's usually a couple, but

Speaker 1 he's battened pretty high this time.

Speaker 1 Can you just put all your black back on? I'll see you soon, devil.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. This, this white clothing wearing Whitney, go back to the black stuff.
Yeah. So then we go to the boys' suite and Craig's like, hey, Austin, do me a favor.

Speaker 1 If things get intense, just grab my arm.

Speaker 1 So why are you so worked up about this, Craig? Jeez. Rodrigo's like, he's an empath.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Craig goes, because I'm sensitive to justice and like the right and the wrong.

Speaker 1 He just wants justice. Austin's like, yeah, well, that sounds like JT, dude, which is kind of funny that he just dinged him for that.
And

Speaker 1 Craig's like, what?

Speaker 1 But like, also, like, that doesn't mean that no one else in the world wants it.

Speaker 1 I want justice too.

Speaker 1 JT saying he wants justice doesn't mean I can't also want justice. I'm a lawyer.
And a storyteller. Taller.

Speaker 1 Tall justice, as we know, is way more acceptable than short justice.

Speaker 1 So now at the beach dinner table,

Speaker 1 Shep comes, you know, and he's like, Hi, are you D'Amico? Talk to me about dinner. Looks like you've got everything under control.
Wow, this dinner was supposed to be a coronation of our relationship.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're supposed to ride off into the sunset. Oh, but here I am, like entering enemy territory almost.
I mean, where do I even stand? What position am I even in? It's so hard to express.

Speaker 1 In the words of Macbeth, thou art thouist, and sun is like flowerist. You haven't read Macbeth, have you?

Speaker 1 Good. Good.

Speaker 1 Roll with it. Keep it in.
Keep it in, guys. I feel like I'm in enemy territory.
It's like the Viet Cong are all around me and Ken Burns isn't here with a camera.

Speaker 1 Also, by the way, just

Speaker 1 want to say, I don't know if you can ride off into the sunset if you're on a little island. So that may be a problem with the plan all along.
So now Sienna shows up and he's like,

Speaker 1 they hug and everything and sit down. How are you? Oh, how's it going? She's like, good, except for the sandstorm you've just whipped up with your foot right now.

Speaker 1 Could you just settle that thing down, please? Thank you very much. I just have to say, Shep, is this guy who set up everything, this D'Amico guy, Shep's like, wow, so you set up dinner? Great.

Speaker 1 Wow, that looks great. Oh, you set up a fire pit for

Speaker 1 my friend? Wow. You know how to light that? Do you have matches yeah he knows how to fucking light it shep he works it like

Speaker 1 shep's just like you're local are you sure you understand how fires work need

Speaker 1 that sit down

Speaker 1 so she's still by the way i just want to say sorry i just i thought i was on mute and i just slurped the bottom of my my my smoothie and it made a disgusting straw slurping sound and i thought i had muted myself and i realized i did not hit mute so sorry everyone who just had me slurping in their ears well that's good it probably sounded like a fart which is what it looks like sienna just smelled so he's like how are you and she's like

Speaker 1 good like kind of looking at the ground and uh you know he's like oh wow you know i told you i got a gift i'm gonna give it to you do you want it she's like i mean i like gifts yeah sure cool so he's like really

Speaker 1 here we go

Speaker 1 Well, gifts, that's like my love language. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 So Sienna's like, oh, okay. He's like, are you nervous?

Speaker 1 are you weird look so you see she's like no i'm i'm curious what this is and she's like opening up this little romantically wrapped in tissue paper uh necklace

Speaker 1 like not even like in a nice little box it's like it's in a target bag it's like

Speaker 1 and she's like oh it's a triangle it's a megalodon tooth

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a shark necklace.

Speaker 1 Sharks. And he's like, yeah, but it's like a prehistoric shark that was a lot bigger than all the other sharks

Speaker 1 oh god imagine this old man trying to hit on a young woman and bragging that he brought a prehistoric tooth to her it's just so on the nose you know this is

Speaker 1 this shark tooth is bigger than the other like a normal shark tooth so even though i can't afford that ten million dollar mansion around the bend i can afford big shark teeth She's like, oh, well, I'll wear it right now.

Speaker 1 So she puts it on. She'll wear it right now because being in the jaws of a prehistoric shark sounds better than being in this situation right now just fucking put it on me you have 50 more

Speaker 1 Jesus yeah

Speaker 1 he's like well I mean it really accentuates your wonderful chest

Speaker 1 she's like oh you're so silly do you like do you like how it looks because this is gonna be the last time you see it on me by the way just what every woman wants to hear when she's already got the ick.

Speaker 1 But your chats are good.

Speaker 1 So then he tries to fix her hair and she's like, oh, no, don't touch the hair. And so he's like, oh, what? She's like, how's my hair blowing in the wind? Oh, gosh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 God, I've never been more jealous of my hair than I am right now. The ability to just be blown away from this situation.
Even my hair is trying to escape.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, whatever we have, whatever this is, this is a connection, okay? And that's that's really rare in this world.

Speaker 1 It's been a whirlwind, a passion, a love, and I haven't even given you syphilis yet.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's why I invited you to Italy to meet my brother, my sister, my nieces, my mom, my dad, that weird cousin who built a crib in her house for an entire season.

Speaker 1 It's Mossy, and I've been seeing you the whole time.

Speaker 1 I got a baby inside of me, huh?

Speaker 1 Gorsh. Yeah, it's a connection.
I think someone has to tell Shep that just because you feel love and you feel a connection does not mean it's automatic for the other person.

Speaker 1 And the more you say it does not mean the more true it is. So she's like, um,

Speaker 1 I just, and he's like, well, I, yeah, I actually, it doesn't feel like that at all. It feels like a death by a thousand paper cuts, honestly.

Speaker 1 Oh, and he, she's like, yeah, but we weren't in a relationship. Well, but so what were those moments that we had? Like, what was that? Just an aberration or something?

Speaker 1 I mean, megalodon teeth don't grow on trees, so that has to mean something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I have to point out that she keeps trying to talk and he won't let her talk, which is his normal state where he just wants to like project all this love onto her and just have her keep nodding.

Speaker 1 And she's not. She keeps trying to say something and he won't let her.
So finally, she's like, Look, you know, we had fun and we were always having a good time, right? You know, am I right?

Speaker 1 And he's like, Wow, that's really minimizing it in my mind I mean to me spending three vacation weeks with a beauty queen who refuses to call me back is basically marriage now you better learn to make some toast and eggs the way that I like them

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Speaker 1 Meanwhile, up on the up on the balconies of the hotel, Madison and Taylor are talking, and they're just looking at the view.

Speaker 1 And Taylor, Taylor's news is that she napped and Madison's news is that she should have napped. And Taylor's like, are you still napping right now? No, I'm awake.
I can't tell the difference.

Speaker 1 Is there somebody you can give me a sign? Can you move your face in some way? You look like you're in a coma. No, it's just how I am.
All right. Well, let's try and shoot this seat anyway, in case.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, I hung out with Whitney for a while. He wore white.
It was strange.

Speaker 1 How was Whitney? Well, he's Whitney. He's having a blast.
You know him. It's like, oh, I wonder if Sienna's going to show up or not.
But if not, Shep's going to cry.

Speaker 1 I mean, have you ever seen him so emotional? And Taylor's like, no,

Speaker 1 no, I didn't bring out that side of him.

Speaker 1 The only terrible time I ever saw him this emotional was when I stepped on an egg in that egg game at that Frank Lloyd Wright house. It's like, no, not that kind of emotional.

Speaker 1 Then no, I think he's getting a taste of his own medicine. You know, like, it's not a good feeling, is it?

Speaker 1 Like, it tastes bad so then leva face times in she goes hey i miss you guys what did i miss i'm dining what's going on what's up

Speaker 1 what is she even doing why even bother hang up who even answers leva's calls at this point leva you don't do anything you're not even showing up to work yet again it just hang up the phone i don't care what leva thinks i have to say i do not have like it's so amusing to me how much like you are so like angered by leva she does nothing she does

Speaker 1 like anyone else

Speaker 1 shows up on phone calls. She does nothing on this show.
She's just like checked out and doesn't do anything. And she just keeps getting a check.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like how you always bring up that person in a group project who you just, who doesn't do anything and then still wants to get the grade at the end. That's how I feel is.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 I have group project anger.

Speaker 1 Well, she's called in today, but we don't, we can skip the scene.

Speaker 1 No, we don't. We can skip it.

Speaker 1 It's not real. It's just, I think she's annoying.

Speaker 1 But so she's like, yeah. So I met Shep's girlfriend because remember at the dog party, she like winked at me and she was like, you know, girl, I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Speaker 1 They're like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I miss you guys. Yeah.
And so Taylor is like, well, Sienna's been.

Speaker 1 Sienna's here and that's been like a whole debacle. And Love is like, what do you mean? She's like, well, they haven't stayed together.
One? Nah. She hasn't stayed with it, him, but not with him.

Speaker 1 He hasn't stayed with her. Like, don't you think that's weird? Yeah, it's very bizarre.

Speaker 1 And she's like, guys, guys turn 40 and then one day they meet a girl that's like in their 20s and they're way faster, smarter, and way better at the game. And then that girl just like schools them.

Speaker 1 And then that's when they finally feel 40.

Speaker 1 She's just not that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 um which is pretty true and so then we speaking which we then go back to sienna and shep and shep is like we're in love. Will you admit that? And she's like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if we're in love. I'm not even sure we're in like.
And he's like, no, you felt love.

Speaker 1 I know you felt love because I said I loved you. So that meant that you love me.
And that's what we talked about. I mean, give me, like, tell me that.
Like, do we, do we love?

Speaker 1 Like, is there, is there an event that occurred that was like, oh, shit, like, we were taking on top of a roller coaster on another journey.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, if you were going up on the roller coaster, the roller coaster is only going one direction after you you go up. And it's not going farther up.
Yeah, it's just down.

Speaker 1 And then it was derailed. And you were that idiot who wasn't even wearing a seatbelt and then wondered why he got flung off the seat, flung off the roller coaster.
I know, enjoy your severed arm.

Speaker 1 And Sienna's like, but we weren't even in a relationship. And I completely disagree with that assessment.
I can't agree to disagree. She's like, but we didn't have a label on it.

Speaker 1 He's like, I hate labels. They're millennial.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Like, Shep, like, can't take, get the hint.
Shep, oh, my God. I wanted to shake my laptop.
He's like, here's what I tell labels. Get off my lawn.

Speaker 1 She's like, um, I feel a little sick. Oh, Gersh, did you eat the megalodon tooth? No, no, I'm.
It's still, I'm still wearing it.

Speaker 1 Well, I had my heart broken about three or four times, but this might be the first time that I've tried to fight for something when it appeared as that they didn't want it.

Speaker 1 I feel like Ophelia and Hamlet, unrequited love, or is that Macbeth? All I know is all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely megalodon teeth.

Speaker 1 Well, you feel like Ophelia, there's the ocean. Take a walk.
So he's like, I'm just hurt. I got her a megalodon.
She's like, oh my God, I hate this guy. You're a megalodon.
Leave this woman alone.

Speaker 1 Leave her alone.

Speaker 1 You're a stalker in a creep. Just go home.

Speaker 1 So now the entire cast comes down to dinner while Shep and Sienna are sitting there, which is already so awkward.

Speaker 1 Why would Shep have this conversation with Sienna right in like the public space where the dinner is? Because he's trying to pressure her into acting like his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 I mean, he thinks, okay, if I do this and then all my friends come, surely she's going to fake it being my girlfriend, right? No, she's not. And good for fucking her.

Speaker 1 So they come and they see him like trying to convince her. He's like, but we were together for a month.
Come on, Sienna. I gave you a Megalodon, a Megalodon necklace.
Do you want to watch?

Speaker 1 Hey, you want to wear my shoes? They were expensive. Come on.

Speaker 1 And Austin just sees it and is like, Jesus Christ. And Matt's like, ow.
They're all like,

Speaker 1 why are you doing this? And why are you doing it right here? You know?

Speaker 1 So Shep is like, oh, gosh, my friends are all here. Let's have fun.
You'll see. I'm worth dating.
Come on. Come on.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 So now everybody comes to the beach and she, Shep's trying to hold her hand and she won't hold his hand.

Speaker 1 Good for her. And then Austin runs up and is hugging her and Craig's like, pussy.
He's such a pussy, that guy.

Speaker 1 So then Austin's like saying hi. Well, by the way, not a pussy, like not a pussy to be gracious and kind to a person at your dinner.
Right. He's done nothing to you, Craig.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 I think Craig might start. I think Craig's projecting a little bit on women who aren't really interested interested in the men that they're with because yikes.
He's taking this a little personally.

Speaker 1 For somebody who spent the last season being like, we're not speaking with Shep anymore. He's too much of a mess.
And after Bravo Khan, he's disgusting. I'm never talking to him again.

Speaker 1 Well into this season, he's sure a switch to where he's like, oh, all I really care about is Shep's well-being.

Speaker 1 But Craig also, like, he spends a lot of time constructing images of himself, which he talks about later this episode.

Speaker 1 You know, right now he is building the image of himself as like a Martha Stewart of the South, a man Martha Stewart. And previously he's constructed the image of him being a lawyer, et cetera.

Speaker 1 And I think that he is particularly triggered by,

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's women or just people in general who threaten to

Speaker 1 pierce a hole into like a fragile guy's

Speaker 1 careful attempt at creating a public image for himself. So he's seeing Sienna doing that for Shep.
You know, like Shep is trying to be like, I can go with that.

Speaker 1 I think also he's got this thing this season where he's like, our team versus their team, meaning like old, you know, old stalwarts on the cast versus these newbies who are trying to come in, like ganging up with Madison and Austin to try and get JT kicked off.

Speaker 1 And then it's like, if they're not going to, if they're not going to do what they want, then they're like, they can't be part of this cast. But this lady doesn't want to be part of your cast.

Speaker 1 You weirdo. Yeah.
She's trying to get the fuck out of here. Okay.
Just let her go.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, for as much as, you know, it's so funny because the trailers for this season showed that scene of Madison and Patricia sitting in the bed being like, Gold digger.

Speaker 1 And the truth is,

Speaker 1 Sienna has tried desperately to get away from Shep. Like, she is, she is, she's like, what's the opposite of gold digger? Like, gold fill in the hole or she's putting dirt on the gold.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm not digging for this gold.

Speaker 1 She's like, cover the cave. Cover the cave.
Gold barrier. Reverse explosion.
cover it back, give it gold is toxic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she did a video this week after the last episode where Shep didn't get his way with her.

Speaker 1 So, of course, he insinuated that she's just a gold-digging slut because she asked him to buy her a $10 million house. And so, now that he can't afford it, that's why she doesn't like him, right?

Speaker 1 That's what he insinuated last week.

Speaker 1 And she went on and she's like, We were on a boat, we saw a $10 million house, and I said, That house is beautiful. I would love to have a house like that one day.

Speaker 1 She didn't ask him to buy her the house. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, stupid shit, ridiculous. And then I learned how to put on eyebrow makeup because that's how Sienna does her music.
She's like, Well,

Speaker 1 and then we were on a boat and we saw a house. And then, you know, it's really funny thing about houses.

Speaker 1 If you really think about it, it takes 20 minutes for her to say one thing, but girl, I can do my eyebrows now, so thanks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not everyone can be as succinct as we are, you know,

Speaker 1 During hour 18 of this podcast.

Speaker 1 So Craig is being a total dick. He's like, I don't want to say hi.
Because I think in his mind, he's thinking I'm enabling a situation. That's what he's claiming.
But I think he's just being a dick.

Speaker 1 Like it's someone at your table. Like you should just be so gracious enough to say hello, especially because you're supposed to have southern charm and you should be chivalrous to a lady.

Speaker 1 So Craig's like, my version of friendship is being honest and tough love. And Austin being an enabler to Shep is like not being a good friend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know if Craig always loves getting that honesty and tough love coming back to him, but that's fine. Yeah, it's just tough love.

Speaker 1 Okay, Craig, anybody who criticizes you is completely ousted and not spoken to for years at a time. Please, with your tough love.
So then

Speaker 1 they're trying to, you know, have nice talk with

Speaker 1 some of them are trying to make nice with Sienna, right? So Madison's like, Sal, what'd you do today? She's like,

Speaker 1 it was very boring.

Speaker 1 What did you guys do? It's like, oh, well, you know, we had fun. It was so beautiful.
We got to swim. We talked about corn.
Sal was good.

Speaker 1 And Rodrigo's like, wow, I love this time of the night where everyone's acting. Sally's like, normal.
And he goes, normal. Honestly, this is where everyone's their fakest.

Speaker 1 And then a conk salad arrives. So then everyone's eating.
God, the last thing I need to see is Austin eating a conk salad. I'm just imagining like conk just like spitting out in all directions.
Oh,

Speaker 1 it's like when I guess a chef, he's got like full-on liquid, all white liquid all over his mouth while he talks. This fits everywhere.

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, it's really nice night without little bitch ass here.

Speaker 1 He's like, It's a lovely night. And Molly's like, Ha ha ha.
I don't know what I'm laughing at. I just feel like I have to laugh.
Ha ha. And Molly's like, You're talking about JT, JT.
Where is JT?

Speaker 1 In hell.

Speaker 1 Seriously.

Speaker 1 And Venita's like, The only thing I'm concerned about right now is JT. Like, is he on a plane? Did he make it to the airport? Like, how's his blood sugar? Like, is he eating okay? What's he drinking?

Speaker 1 How's he feeling? Those are the things I'm concerned about. Fuck this dinner.

Speaker 1 So Ryan's like, um, Sienna, me, Shep, Taylor, and Molly.

Speaker 1 Hey, Sienna. Oh, God.
Let me start over. Hey, Sienna.
Me, Shep, Taylor, and Molly went snorkeling today. So she's like, oh, well, you know, there's sharks out there, right?

Speaker 1 and because like that was his biggest fear he's like you're lucky to be alive and

Speaker 1 he's like

Speaker 1 i could have died so shepherd's like speaking of sharks craig the necklace look megalodon tooth sighting 3 p.m that's her chest

Speaker 1 And she's like, yeah, he got me a megalodon tooth, guys. And Craig's like, he was very excited to give you that.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's really nice. Wow, what a necklace.
And Molly's like, yeah, that's all he's been talking about the whole trip. So

Speaker 1 Madison's like, oh, wait a minute. Tyler, you have that necklace, right? Didn't he give that to you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you gave us the same necklace. He's like, no,

Speaker 1 yours was a shark. Yours was just a regular shark.
Hers is a megalodon.

Speaker 1 The way they are all so undermining him is hilarious. And Whitney is like, oh,

Speaker 1 he stays original. And what he gives out to girls.

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 it's a Charleston classic. And then Cena's like, I think it's a Shep classic.
And then everyone just like laughs. And Shep is like, gosh, I put a lot of thought into that Megalodon necklace.

Speaker 1 Is he part of like a shark tooth of the month club?

Speaker 1 where he's just got an excess of shark teeth that he needs to give away to people i mean jesus christ he said his friend is a designs shark tooth necklaces that's why he has them Wow. So, Madison.

Speaker 1 Tell me you're like a rich, rich white guy in Charleston without telling me you're a rich white guy in Charleston. You're just like, oh, my friend.

Speaker 1 I just hang out with a guy who makes shark tooth necklaces all day.

Speaker 1 So Madison's still trying to pump Sienna for info. She's like, so how's he doing? Because he was very emotional.
Are you doing okay? How are you doing? You doing okay?

Speaker 1 I mean, Shed's not used to having emotions, so he probably vomited all over your face. You want me to wipe some emotional vomit off of your face? She's like, I'm okay.

Speaker 1 It's just, you know, I told him that we should like take a step back, you know, because, you know, I think Shep needs someone to be in the passenger seat of his life.

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, you know, could you hold this mirror? I'm just not really in the passenger seat of someone. It's like, are you doing your eyebrows right here at the table? Could you speed this up?

Speaker 1 This is an hour-long show.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't even have a car. I'm kidding.
Of course, I have a car. Let's make a reference to the passenger seat thing oh oh gosh oh god i see i just feel bad could you imagine you

Speaker 1 there's someone you're not that even interested in and then you get sort of like roped into going to this dinner and then all their friends are telling you how that person has been emotional and thinking about giving you a gift for like a week and they're just like you have to receive all this information.

Speaker 1 You're like, I don't like this person.

Speaker 1 What do you want me to say? What do you people want me to say? I don't even want to be here. I don't know you people.
I have friends on this island. You are the ones who are the interlopers here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, see, and notice what he does here, too. When he says, I don't even have a car, just kidding.
You know, because passengers see, I do have a car, but it's just a Buick.

Speaker 1 Probably not something exciting for someone like you who wants a $10 million house, which is why you're dumping me in front of all my friends, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just a humble boy standing in front of a girl, asking her to enjoy a Magladon juice.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Whitney's like, uh,

Speaker 1 well, by the way, Whitney has been told that he got dumped because when he came, he's like, so how'd it go, Shep? And Shep's like, she dumped me. So Whitney already knows this, right?

Speaker 1 So Whitney goes, I have a question.

Speaker 1 Do you see yourself in three years being married and settling down? Like, you know, like living jointly between Charleston and Nassau or like even getting your own place somewhere.

Speaker 1 And Shep's like, Whitney. And she's like, um to get to that place we'd need to a define the relationship which you know we never did

Speaker 1 and you know kind of go through those steps so

Speaker 1 and chef is like that's such a new age thing

Speaker 1 and and when he's like well i'm such a busy buddy um but like how would you define your relationship uh hostages right now hold on i got my mother on the phone to listen in mother listen and says she's like blow drying her hair she's like

Speaker 1 as it is now I mean, I would say we're not really in a relationship right now, you know? And everyone gets a look like, oh, geez, and goes, oh, my God, what am I supposed to do? Cry, my Flavici.

Speaker 1 Yes, actually, I would like to see that. So I was like, no, don't cry.
Cause if you, because I'll cry if you cry, damn. Just kidding.
I won't cry at all. He's like, oh, God, I'll cry.

Speaker 1 Shep, you haven't smiled at all in the last two days. Oh, God, go 48 hours without smiling.

Speaker 1 What a sin.

Speaker 1 Show us those woodly woods.

Speaker 1 And Shep's like, that's not true. And he's like, yeah,

Speaker 1 you've been so stressed out. I would call it

Speaker 1 Megalan Collie.

Speaker 1 Megalodon Collie. Well, sometimes when I get sad, I think, at least you're not extinct like a Megalodon.

Speaker 1 yeah you stressed him so much that he blacked out and he slept on the beach and she's like ew she just gives us like like crows and he's finally

Speaker 1 that's such a cock block move also god okay

Speaker 1 so he's like old habits die hard friend and austin's mouth like what the fuck is wrong with you greg and he's like a lot a lot

Speaker 1 like well yeah you know what chef's allowed to get drunk you know because he's sad you know he's allowed to fall asleep on the fucking beach if he wants to i mean he's a grown man But if you ask Craig, he's like a 45-year-old drunk.

Speaker 1 Well, according to you, last reunion, he was also a 45-year-old drunk, which is why you didn't talk to him between last season and this season. Am I the only person remembering this show?

Speaker 1 These people are on this show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, by the way, all of this is correct. It could be all of the above.
He can be a 45-year-old drunk, and he can't also be an adult who decides like this is what he's going to do.

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Speaker 1 So, Craig's like, you are just, you are the worst version of yourself the last two days. I mean, it's like, show me that smile again.

Speaker 1 Don't waste another

Speaker 1 minute on your crying

Speaker 1 that's not very nice to say especially to the tune of family tunes family ties you know we've had a lot of fun you know we've had a lot of nice moments together you're making it sound like it's all meredith baxter burning and no alex keaton

Speaker 1 I was singing growing pains and the fact that you didn't know that shows that you're not a true friend. Gosh, I can't keep the.
If it's past McBrow, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Was Joanna Crohn's in Macbeth? Because if she wasn't, I don't know.

Speaker 1 So he's like, well, you want to date? Did you tell her you want to date her and be exclusive? And he's like, yeah, oh, I'm going to Cuba tomorrow. I'd prefer communism.

Speaker 1 And he's like, and what did you say, Sienna? And she's like, well, that might have just been a little too late, right, Sienna?

Speaker 1 Because we were in love until the five minutes right before this dinner when you laid all that stuff on me.

Speaker 1 And Benita's like, Sienna, you don't want to be with them right now or you don't want to be with them ever. Or could it be that it's just something that you could be worked on?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's not a bad question.

Speaker 1 Good question, Vanita. Because, of course, Benita's there for the, for the, uh, so you're saying he's still got a chance, right? Yeah, right.
So he's still got a chance.

Speaker 1 Like, no, and there's not a chance for you either, Vanita. Calm your desperate ass down, too.
But the fact that they're all having this conversation about Sienna right in front of Sienna is so wild.

Speaker 1 And actually, I kind of feel like insulting. And so Austin's like, well,

Speaker 1 why did you tell Shep that you loved him when you just like well you then you like backed off twice it's like by the way people are allowed to say like i love you and then like if like then discover oh this is not the person that i thought they were i don't think i love them people are allowed to change their minds and like we also have a commitment we also don't know that she said i love you I have not heard any confirmation that she said that.

Speaker 1 And I have heard confirmation that Shep is twisting everything that comes out of this girl's mouth, if not outright lying. So I don't know that I even believe that in the first place.

Speaker 1 So Shep's like, guys, please don't grill her too bad. But he's got a big smile on his face, right? Because this is like her, this is like his revenge.
He's like, all right, you don't want me?

Speaker 1 Then you're subject to my friends. Have fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so Sally's like, well, this is fun.
And Sienna's like, hmm, nothing. I just said this is fun.
And Winnie's just like laughing. And then Rodrigo's like, this is Sam.

Speaker 1 He just got played for full in front of everyone. And I'm like, Sienna, it's time to leave.
Like,

Speaker 1 I just think it's so rude that they're like,

Speaker 1 why is Sienna still here? I mean, it's like she came as a guest to Shep because he basically begged her to, and now you're going to be mad at her. Like, just treat her with some dignity.

Speaker 1 She's not on your show, really. They are so mean to her.
And Shep finally is like, he rescues your base. And she doesn't need rescuing.
She could leave herself. But like, she's being polite.

Speaker 1 I think she is giving them way more grace than they deserve. So he basically takes her for a walk away from the table.
And he's like, sorry, Garsh. Everyone's been

Speaker 1 drinking all day. She's like, Yeah, it's okay.
Um, as long as you're okay. He's like, No, I'm uncomfortable, but I don't like to be talked about this way.
And I don't like what you're going through.

Speaker 1 And she's like, Yeah, I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because he's basically like, This isn't great. So go.
She's like, Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just wanted like to address the problem. You know, I wanted to save it after the trip, but you insisted that we sit down and talk about it.

Speaker 1 Uh, which, you know, again, is Shep just refusing to listen to anything that she has to say and then being shocked when he doesn't get the answers that he's demanding, you know?

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 back at the table, Austin and Craig are talking about it. And he's like, yeah, Craig is just sitting here being like, well, it's a Hon thing.

Speaker 1 You know, like, I'm like, I just don't want to like shit down her throat, Craig. And he's like, yeah, but every second she's here, she gives him false hope every second.
No, she doesn't.

Speaker 1 She has given him zero hope. He gives himself false hope.
Okay. Craig, Mr.

Speaker 1 Enlightened, who's been talking with therapy speech all season long, suddenly has forgotten the thing that we are the ones who are in control of our own emotions and no one makes us do anything.

Speaker 1 And this is such a backwards asinine thing that shows Craig's true colors

Speaker 1 that it makes me annoyed. So Shep walks off with Sienna and he's like, I just wanted to come here and us be madly in love.
Well, you know what? I wanted a 10-inch dick and $5 million, but guess what?

Speaker 1 The world had other plans.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And he's like, well, I guess we just missed it by a little window.
She's, he's like, puts out like his fingers. Like, it was a little window.
Like, I just missed my window.

Speaker 1 It's like, I'm pretty sure it was a, it was a pretty big window that you missed it by. I don't think it was like, this was not a near miss.
This was a, no, no, it was a fail. It was a big.

Speaker 1 So he's like, she's running for cover. That's how I see it.
She knows the truth. She loves me.
She just doesn't want to say it.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you know, I just don't want you to be on the firing line for an hour and a half. And she's like, yeah, I guess I should leave then, right? And he's like, yeah, I guess that's best.

Speaker 1 But it's not an indication of what I want to have happen, right? You understand that, right? She's like, nope, I got it. Are you taking the Megalodon necklace with you, Garge?

Speaker 1 I have to say, Andy Cohen is going to just have a field day with this. I cannot wait for Andy Cohen.

Speaker 1 He will not be able to control his glee. while he grills Shep about this whole situation.
It's going to be amazing. So Austin's like, Austin goes up to Shep and he's like, She's going to leave.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's going to go. Well, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Damila. It's very raw.

Speaker 1 We were almost in love by a small window.

Speaker 1 So, oh, gosh. So, now everybody's like, this is the worst dinner ever.
And so, they move over to the couches in the fire pit thingy. And

Speaker 1 they play

Speaker 1 fireworks come up, which I have a feeling Shep paid for it to get his big romance. Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1 There's no reason for fireworks. They're just eating a conch salad.

Speaker 1 And now to celebrate the arrival of bread. Fireworks.
Well, hey, in my life, that works, but not here.

Speaker 1 So he's like, wow, you know, Sienna, I thought that even though I guess we didn't define it, but God, I hate that. It's so millennial having to define things.

Speaker 1 And then she just kind of looks away like he farted again. And he's like, Wait, are you a millennial? She's probably a Gen Zer, you fucking tool, but that doesn't.

Speaker 1 And she's just like, I don't know what I am. At this point, she's just like, I want to say as few words as possible so I can get out of this situation.
And he's like, at my age,

Speaker 1 I know you don't find this that often. I'm sorry you don't.
You just have to honor it and give it a chance. And it's like, please stop.
Just let her go. And she's like, um,

Speaker 1 so I'm going to go. Is it rude for me to leave and not say bye to everyone? I'm like, please, please don't say bye to them.
They're monsters. You deserve better.
It's like, no,

Speaker 1 I wish that she had, though. I wish she had been able to just go over and say, okay, guys, well, it was really nice to meet you.
Have a good night. And then leave.

Speaker 1 It sucks that he's like, he didn't get his way. So he's just going to usher her out the back door.
You know, like, see ya. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So now Austin's giving everyone shots over by the sofas and Austin's like, well, I feel bad for this whole thing. And Chris, you feel bad for her, but she's a girl.

Speaker 1 No, no, I just feel bad that the guy's heart's broken, dude. That's it.
And so then Shep and Sienna are still

Speaker 1 hugging goodbye. This is a very long goodbye process.
Yeah, truly. So they're hugging by, and she's like, don't hate me, Shep, okay? And he's like,

Speaker 1 I love the smell of you. Ew.

Speaker 1 What part of no don't you understand? Go away.

Speaker 1 How do you even have smelling senses left?

Speaker 1 How could I ever hate? How could I ever hate you? Because I love you. Okay, you're sounding like an idiot song.
Come on, let her go. Let her go.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 then Craig is like, he's, he's not a fucking idiot. Okay.
He's 44 years old. Okay.
We read the text. She could not be more clear that she doesn't fucking like him.
Yeah, we know that, Craig.

Speaker 1 And then she's got to go away. God.

Speaker 1 And by this time, we can see that Craig is just drunk. He's red-faced.
And you know what happens when Craig gets that way? I'm surprised he didn't pull out a wad of cash and just start

Speaker 1 throwing at everybody going, I'm too rich for this. So Craig.

Speaker 1 Seriously. Yeah, he's in just belligerent drunk mode.

Speaker 1 So he's just being a dick.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's over. It's overkill.
Like even for him, it's overkill. So Austin's like, we know that.
You know, read the room. So he's like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And by the way, this has got to be fucking awful for Taylor. Taylor, is this like a meat grinder for you to watch him fight for a girl when he didn't? He never even fought for you? Like, fuck off.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with this guy?

Speaker 1 What a monster. And she's like, honestly, not at all.
I mean, this is like the best gift that Taylor could have received, right? Watching the guy who broke her heart just humiliate himself on TV.

Speaker 1 And Sir Craig's like, no, I'm just saying it would drive me fucking nuts, you know? Taylor's like, well, last year I was not in a good place.

Speaker 1 So like, that's not me, but it's not my circus, not my clowns, not my peanuts, not my elephants, not my acronyms. Okay,

Speaker 1 we get a Taylor. She's like, to be completely honest, I feel bad for him, but I'm sorry.
You're doing it to yourself. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 she's like, yeah, at this age, you should be very confident in who you are and confident in your life. And you're not.
And it's pathetic. And I would just like to say bullshit.
No, you shouldn't.

Speaker 1 As someone who's older than this, be careful what you say until you're that age because because you always think that you're going to be, you're going to have it together and have a certain amount of confidence at a certain age.

Speaker 1 Don't count on it, sister.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I'm allowing it from Taylor because I feel like,

Speaker 1 you know what? Let her take a victory lap. I think she gets so few of them.
I'm going to let her do it. I'm going to give it to her.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you'll never, yeah. You'll never really be truly confident in who you are.
I think that's what life is about.

Speaker 1 It's just navigating that. So Austin is like,

Speaker 1 the minute you're confident in who you are, trust me, life will come around and it will pull the rug out from under you and you won't be so sure anymore. So watch your overconfidence there, lady.

Speaker 1 So Austin is now coming back to the table and he's doing the poor me. I guess I'll just eat dinner alone.
What is that lobster?

Speaker 1 Lobster shell speaking everywhere while everyone watches him

Speaker 1 and talks about how pathetic he is. Molly's like, is he eating alone? Is he crying into his peas and rice? Snow's like, well, seeing Shep heartbroken is a little sad.
And by sad, I mean hilarious.

Speaker 1 But, you know, I think he knows what now he knows what it feels like to get his heartbroken. And sometimes that's a lesson that we all need to be taught, especially if you're a beta.
So

Speaker 1 Vanita goes in to console him and everything.

Speaker 1 And he's like, she's like,

Speaker 1 she was just in the firing line. I just feel terrible.
And she's like, well, we're your friend first and Team Shep first before her. And he's like, yeah, you know what this reminds me of?

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh uh this reminds me of romeo and juliet where juliet was just standing on the balcony and romeo started shooting her with the bb gun and then all of juliet's friends came out and started throwing glass bottles at his head god i love that show

Speaker 1 So then Craig, meanwhile, is like, he ruined a dinner by inviting a fake girlfriend, which I told him not to fucking do. I don't think he ruined the dinner at all.
You guys were the ones being rude.

Speaker 1 You guys could have acted like normal people and had a fun time and laughed and joked with her. But instead, you're like, I was going to say, you ruined the dinner.
What are you talking about? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Exactly. So Vanita's like telling Shep, like, look,

Speaker 1 she didn't give you what you want. And she was giving you what you're used to doing to other women, by the way.

Speaker 1 Just kind of like shade you here a little bit.

Speaker 1 And it's like, you know, it's sad because, you know, you're coming off a night long-term, you know, she's saying it's sad because he, he just came out of that relationship with Taylor where he knows he messed up.

Speaker 1 And now he's like trying to like fix like, dude, you know, he finally opened his heart again. And this is what happened.

Speaker 1 i'm like did he ever open his heart in the first place to either of these women i'm not sure about that no he's faking it so he's like i'm just here to be real i'm here to be raw i'm here to let people know how i feel and guess what you're gonna hear it

Speaker 1 by the way who are you i'm benita i've been on your show for a few years

Speaker 1 Is this Craig Standin? Thanks so much, Craig, for everything you've done. Well, as Bob Marley Shakespeare once said, true friends are like stars.

Speaker 1 They're only evident when it's dark and it's dark and y'all are here. Thank you for being a star, whoever you are.
Now, can I get a coffee, please?

Speaker 1 Then he like stumbles over to the bar and the bartender's like, hey, how's your night? Fucking terrible. Thanks for asking.
Yeah, so you know that girl, Sienna? She's Miss Bahamas, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, score, Ryan, my right. Well, yeah, I've been seeing her for a few months.
Why wouldn't I be? I'm handsome. I'm young.
Well, you know, when something's cool and you're like, what happened? Why?

Speaker 1 Well, that's what kind of happened right now. I mean, I opened the fan.
I grabbed her by the wrist. I had her.
And then somehow she got the nerve to roll her blade off. Damn it.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, all I did is I walked up to her and I said, could you be loved? And I said, we could have one love.

Speaker 1 Next thing you know, she's making an exodus and I'm just trying to have my redemption song. It's just really hard, but I don't want to wait in vain.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 so here we are now. Just three little birds having a cocktail.
Am I right, guys?

Speaker 1 The bartender's like, show me that smile again.

Speaker 1 Bob Marley wrote that song. Pretty sure it was Alam Thick.
It's Bob Marley.

Speaker 1 So back to the cast on the couches. Craig's like, I told you guys all of this stuff would happen.

Speaker 1 I said if you invite her to dinner, it's going to fuck the whole dinner up.

Speaker 1 This is Craig's favorite thing to do. I told you so.
At some point, he's got to learn that no one fucking cares if you said it first. No one cares anymore.
Okay. You're not seven years old.

Speaker 1 I said it would happen. Unless we were on a podcast, we were allowed to say this, but you're not allowed to say this to your friends.
Yeah, he's just such an asshole. He is so hard to take right now.

Speaker 1 So he's like, Austin, I know you love me. He goes, yeah.
And he goes, but do you have a hard time not hating me? And Austin just cracks up and he's like, yeah, sometimes, sure.

Speaker 1 And he's like, because sometimes when I look at your face, when I do shit, I was like, he fucking hates me. I was like, wow, you should see mine.

Speaker 1 Yo, it's the same, Craig. I got the same thought about you, Craig.
I'm like, this motherfucker hates me. All right.
Well, you know what? You guys, you guys have a genuine friendship.

Speaker 1 And I just think that they just need to clear the air and really want to, like, I think they just need to man this. Okay.
They just need to kiss and make up. All right.
They're sisters.

Speaker 1 They're sisters for life.

Speaker 1 My favorite thing Madison said about them. They're sisters.
So Craig's like, hey, what do I do that drives you so fucking mad? And he's like, well, you take one thing and then like,

Speaker 1 you know, you just got to,

Speaker 1 you know, you turn it. Exaggerate.
Yeah. You're an embellisher.
And you know this, Craig. You're an embellisher, okay? And you want to put yourself in the best light possible.

Speaker 1 I'm a lawyer. A lawyer and a storyteller.

Speaker 1 I died. What an idiot.
And they all start cracking up. And he's like, I think that my self-improvement, like you take it personally.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 You're still sitting here the same belligerent drunk you've always been. Nothing has changed about you.
You're still the same compulsively lying, belligerent drunk.

Speaker 1 There's nothing that's changed about you, Craig. Sorry.
You're trying to sell it just like Shep is. Not buying.

Speaker 1 And I love that Austin was like, oh my God, Craig, like, I will gag myself if you go down this road. Like, don't do this.
It's not your self-improvement. I'm over.
It's insane right now.

Speaker 1 Craig's like, why?

Speaker 1 Wait, you're just going to walk away. I told you all that he would just walk away.
I fucking told you all. And he's like, I'm over it, Craig.
So Matt's like, what the heck? Betas are fun.

Speaker 1 Craig's like, okay, I'm gonna follow you now. Austin, finish the conversation because I'm a storyteller.
I need to tell my stories.

Speaker 1 So now Vanita has got a text and she kind of shows it to Sally, but then hides it. And she's like, oh my God, like, seriously, are those all from JT? And she's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 And she's like, yeah, I can't stray away from what I just saw on your phone. I mean, just paragraphs.
That means he really likes you. You know, I mean, that shit goes on and on.

Speaker 1 That means a guy really likes you. I mean, he has feelings for you more than a friend.
No? And Vanita nods. She's like, yes.
Yes, he does. Okay.
So here we get to the Vanita section.

Speaker 1 Now, we talked about this on Crappy Hour. So anybody who wants to hear this more in length, just go listen to that episode.

Speaker 1 So Vanita came out with an Instagram after the last episode telling us that the scene of Branzino dinner with WhatsApps Buns was filmed after this trip.

Speaker 1 So she's saying the editors are trying to make her look like some home-wrecking, you know, floozy, and she's not going to stand by that because that scene was shot after.

Speaker 1 So that left me with some questions like, well, but then he just told you on this trip, I have a girlfriend. get off of me twice and you still made that Branzino dinner for him.

Speaker 1 So that was one kind of confusing thing for me. So now she says, so after last night, I for sure, sure know that the feelings I have for JT, JT also has for me, like 100%.

Speaker 1 And there's no question. There's no doubting.
So I was like, wow, he likes me. Like he likes me, likes me.

Speaker 1 So JT, I'm sorry, but if JT has a girlfriend in this moment, I feel sorry for the girl on the other side because he's spending all this time talking and texting me and he's giving you crumbs.

Speaker 1 So why are you coming out with?

Speaker 1 story with an Instagram thing saying they're just editing you to make make you look like a home wrecker You know, he has a girlfriend and you're still going for JT.

Speaker 1 Now, does that let him off the hook for still texting her paragraphs and paragraphs when he knows how she feels? No. JT is a dog and a piece of crap.
But I just don't get the whole Vanita thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And well, I'm with Sally who says, if I get paragraphs like that from a man, I'm like immediately no.
I think that sums it all up. You're just like, keep it simple.
It's just too many texts.

Speaker 1 He's ick to begin with. So that's all the thought you need to put into it.
So Craig and Austin are now, they've moved over to an area to have their brew talk.

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, hey, don't get fucking fired up. Even though Craig stoked the flames as usual.
And I was like, I'm not. Let's just fucking sit down, dude.
It's like, all right, you're fired up.

Speaker 1 You're crazy. So he's like, listen, you're one of my best friends.
I was never trying to do stuff to like better myself, to get away from other people.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to get away from other people to make myself better.

Speaker 1 And I didn't know that it would ever change like the level of our friendship, you know, me like not hanging out when you try to call to hang out, you know, or like me ditching you so I can plant things.

Speaker 1 I didn't think that would actually affect our friendship. And I want to go back to a place of love.

Speaker 1 Craig, I mean, if we're honest, okay, all you care about is like this like little story that you're like building for yourself and your reputation, this wonderful image. He's like, an image?

Speaker 1 He goes, yeah, like you're disappointed in disappointing someone and being like, oh, they can't see me with the beer in my hand or something.

Speaker 1 And he's like, but do you think I project an image that isn't me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Craig.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Because we've seen you.
He's like, yes, I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's like, yeah, you know, you have an image to protect.
And he's like, just loosen up the reins. And he's like, yeah, but I do that because I don't have any leash on myself.
That's any addict.

Speaker 1 And then Craig lays the storyline on him. He's like, I was like, you know, trying not to be an alcoholic is now affecting my friendship with Austin.
So they start crying.

Speaker 1 And he's like, that's where I was coming from. Like, I have tears in my eyes because it's real.

Speaker 1 I was like in the trenches by myself and like like, you know, you were like, you were like, oh, wow, you're never with me anymore. I'm like, dude, I don't fucking like, I can't, I can't.

Speaker 1 I gotta sit on my couch. You know, I can't.
I gotta sit on my couch or I'm gonna pick up a bottle of Jaeger and do dumb shit. He's like, fuck, fuck, bro.

Speaker 1 The word addict, you never used that with me, bro. It's like, yeah, no, I never said out loud until, until Shep.
He's the one that we need to be angry at.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like, yeah, looking, look at Shep.

Speaker 1 He ends up on the beach, you know? I'm like, I don't want to do that anymore. I'm just lucky.
you know i'm lucky i got out of it you're drunk

Speaker 1 yeah you're drunk right now by the way you're drunk right now oh my god

Speaker 1 now that said i mean in the beginning of the season when this whole argument with austin happened i'm team craig because it is hard when you quit doing stuff and you have to like try and maintain relationships with your friend group and they're not supportive and they're like why aren't you drinking why aren't you doing coke why aren't you drinking why aren't you doing coke want some coke you sure you don't want to drink you know i get that You know, I've lived it.

Speaker 1 It's hard.

Speaker 1 So I'm Team Craig for that. But Craig still acts like a little asshole beyond that.
And so the whole like addict thing while he's currently drunk is just a little uncomfortable for me.

Speaker 1 But I think in general, I'm still Team Craig as far as that argument goes.

Speaker 1 So Austin's like, well, it should know, man. Like, you know with the Adderall thing.
Like, that's, that's like, I knew you were struggling and stuff. And we see

Speaker 1 Craig's greatest Adderall hits. And then he's like, he's like, I'm sorry for not understanding what you're going through.
And like, you and Paige, strong as hell,

Speaker 1 strong as hell. And like, you're fine with a long distance.
And that's clearly a forever couple.

Speaker 1 So, like, you're not like sitting in your house just being like, you know, like alone battling or no, right? It's like, yeah, she was right with me this entire time.

Speaker 1 There's a reason that me and Paige are so close. I just can't imagine being closer to someone.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm so lucky that she chose to be like, I see someone there and she helped me beat this demon, demon, demon. And then we see

Speaker 1 evidence of of that which is basically her

Speaker 1 trying to maintain her sanity in winter house while craig is spiraling out of control and she's like um maybe stop talking thanks

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 and so he's like yeah you know maybe that's why the image that you were thinking i was trying to portray but that is what i was trying to do you know i'm not trying to convince other people i'm actually trying to like become that

Speaker 1 So it was nice, you know, this conversation was actually kind of nice, even though my cynicism, half of me is still screaming, shut up, Craig, because he's acted like such a fucking asshole the past few weeks.

Speaker 1 But it was a nice conversation. I actually thought it was a nice conversation.
Yeah, you're not alone. I actually thought

Speaker 1 as much bullshit as these two guys spew, they did actually have some moments that felt introspective and insightful. And

Speaker 1 it wasn't all bullshit. It wasn't all self-serving bullshit.
There was like real shit in there. So they basically are like, they're like connecting now.

Speaker 1 And so Austin's saying that Craig's addiction addiction doesn't I like this when he said Craig's addiction doesn't excuse him from being an asshole and it doesn't excuse him from being an angry fucking person it doesn't excuse a lot of things but it is a starting point um you know it's sort of like yeah i think that's a good thing which it's like yeah it doesn't excuse all this stuff that happened but it does mean that i can be a bit more compassionate to him Yeah, so they hug and they say they love each other and all of that good stuff.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he's like, wow, it's just so freeing to be transparent, you know, like if we could have had this conversation sooner, it would have saved us heartache. So they agree to find new quality time together.

Speaker 1 And doesn't this feel like the end episode of the season?

Speaker 1 There was a part where I was like, wait a minute, we just announced we're doing Southern Charm in Minneapolis, and I think it's over.

Speaker 1 We should find something new.

Speaker 1 Because now they've got to make a Shep and Molly storyline go, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 God help me. You just wait.
You just wait. How's he going to be able to do that? I think they'll probably have two more episodes.
They'll have two more episodes left, I think.

Speaker 1 So, and then the reunion for five weeks. So now

Speaker 1 everyone sees the guys hugging and they're like, oh, baitas.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 now is the next morning. The next morning they have, they're leaving.
And so Craig has paid for, which is sure to let everybody know, I paid for flamingos because I was like, yeah, they offer that.

Speaker 1 So I paid for because I'm not poor. To be fair, I thought it was Spanish dancing lessons, but I guess flamingos and flamencos are two different things.

Speaker 1 He just goes down there and starts stomping in rhythm around the room.

Speaker 1 So basically, they're down there playing with flamingos at breakfast. And Madison's like, those fucking things are scary.
I mean, those things are like Austin without dockers.

Speaker 1 I love the flamingos. They're just like little supermodels walking through breakfast, being snooty, and being like, what are you guys doing here in my suite?

Speaker 1 And they're so trained too, because, you know, they have the people that are bringing them or whatever. They're tamed, I guess I should say.
So they're just working the room, you know.

Speaker 1 They're like, okay, here we are. Just walking up to people, like shrimp, just staring at them.

Speaker 1 Oh, all right, well, you have shrimp. Don't say I didn't do my job.

Speaker 1 You have shrimp. No shrimp.
You have shrimp.

Speaker 1 They're kind of like bird escorts, you know. They're like, hey, looking for a good time.
It's like, it's basically flamingo anora.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like the anora version of flamingo or the flamingo version of anoras.

Speaker 1 Goes either way.

Speaker 1 So I was more amused by those flamingos than I thought I would be. And I was like, if I ever go there, I'm going to pay for the flamingos at breakfast.

Speaker 1 They might as well just be new cast members for the amount we get from some of the new cast members. They're working it harder, you know.

Speaker 1 So then Shep has food all over his face, of course, at breakfast. And he's like, I'm going to Cuba.
Fuck this place. They don't require napkins at breakfast.
Don't try to wipe my face.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then Shep is like, yeah, I'm ready to get the hell out of this country. And Ryan's like, Shep, how are you feeling after last night, man? Can you believe we almost got eaten by a shark?

Speaker 1 Well, I feel free. You know what I mean? Feel very free.
It's like, that's good. I'm glad you feel free.
I'm going to have nightmares for three years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there are more cons looking back than I remembered in the moment. Now that I think about it, she never really did say, I love you.
We only did go on one date.

Speaker 1 I only learned what her name was two weeks ago. Huh? Funny what hindsight can give you?

Speaker 1 What an insane circumstance that I went through, but it's sure good to have my good old friends.

Speaker 1 I had a lot of laughter, a lot of emotions, but laughter and laughter, cheers and cheers, Shakespeare reference after Shakespeare reference, which I totally get because I've read them all.

Speaker 1 Wait, I'm Rodrigo. I'm going to close out the episode.
I wouldn't travel internationally to watch anyone else get broken up with. Ha,

Speaker 1 ha.

Speaker 1 And we have the circle that comes in on his face and then closes up.

Speaker 1 And that brings us to the end of Southern Charm, everybody. Next recap will be live next week in Minneapolis.
So come see us over there. Also, Cincinnati and Toronto.

Speaker 1 Get your tickets at watchwhatcrappins.com. We're also about to go record the Traders Season finale for Patreon.
So if you want to hear that stuff, go over to Patreon.

Speaker 1 And remember, if you're a new sign-up, sign up online, not through the Apple app. You can still use the Apple app after you've signed up, but sign up, not through that greedy little app.

Speaker 1 We sure love you guys. We'll talk to you next time.
Bye.

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Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey. Picture this.

Speaker 6 You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.

Speaker 5 The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 6 Then, the line starts to rise.

Speaker 5 But it's not the horizon at all. It's a wave.

Speaker 1 A 30-foot wall of water.

Speaker 6 And it's racing straight toward you. On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami.

Speaker 6 It struck Thailand without warning. No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 6 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they they could to survive.

Speaker 6 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.