#2753 Summer House S09E4 Part One: The Hannah That Rocks The Cradle

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappin Oh, I mean, watch what crappens. Guess you? Got some extra pep in your step today.
I do have some extra pep because I just had a bagel. It's bagel Thursday for me and I'm just like full of life and happiness.
And I got to talk to you about cameras before we started recording. Yeah, we had a fun time.
So very excited to talk some summer house today before we do that some housekeeping first and foremost as you may know we are going to Cincinnati Minneapolis and Toronto next weekend and we're doing live shows not just going there for fun we're doing live shows obviously tickets are at watchwhatcrappcom. Please come join us.
We are here to tell you what we are recapping on each of those nights. So the first night in Cincinnati, we will do Summer House.
The second night in Minneapolis, we will do Southern Charm. And the third night, which is a Sunday in Toronto, we're going to do a classic Real Housewives episode.
We are going to do December Berkshires County, Rony. You know it.
It's the Berkshires episode. It's the, I made it nice.
It's the, you know, you stole my hair episode. It's the episode.
We're doing it on Sunday in Toronto. So it's going to be three great shows.
We love doing all three of those shows in person on live shows. So we're going to have a great time with it.
So definitely go to watch what crappens.com to get your tickets for that. And then Patreon, of course, you can watch us.
Hello, everyone with crappens on demand at patreon.com slash watch what crappens. If you sign up for Patreon, we are making this announcement all week because we really want to make sure that you don't get impacted by this.
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So yeah, don't give Apple that money for doing nothing go and traders through the website traders finale is tonight which i am that's also probably why i have a pep in my step i cannot wait to see what happens we are recapping it like we have all season and that's exclusively on our patreon so yeah that's all the really fun stuff to talk about for today. exciting times guys okay so here we are with summerhausen season nine episode four it's a big day because it's a gender reveal whoa it's a gender reveal it's also a big deal because this is the episode where hannah burner makes her triumphant return to summer house not in a physical form but um in spectral form because she is haunting she is haunting kyle cook this episode and it is hilarious well it's super interesting that this is her kind of come back to summer house in ghost form because she's getting ripped apart right now on internet have you read what happened what what what happened i did not see this at all were on the red carpet for the oscars interviewing yes and it was you know maybe a little cringy and they had megan the stallion or as i call her megan the e stallion uh um on the red carpet and they just couldn't shut up they were talking over her and hannah's like oh my god i'm gonna cry you know i love your music like every time i listen to you like i listen to you when i want to fight someone i listen to you when i want to fight someone this poor lady's just like uh-huh and she's taking it pretty well but they're like fanning out all over her acting crazy so first they were just getting ripped apart for ripped apart for being bad interviewers.
People are like, don't put podcasters on the red carpet, which I don't know as an overall blanket statement. I don't know that that's fair.
I know that you shouldn't put me on the red carpet because I'd be like, oh my God, what's your favorite color, Eminem? Do you think Eminem's really talk? Have you ever put an M&M into your belly button to save it for later?

Like, I'd be crazy.

I would not be able to do it.

I've done red carpet work before, and that was literally, like, I did red carpet once, and I asked Padma Lakshmi.

I said, I'm going to a potluck later tonight.

What should I make?

And she was like, wow, I don't understand even what that is.

Actually, she was really nice.

Go on, Ronnie.

Well, if you want some pot belly unluck, just cook something Gale likes. So, you know, it was kind of cringy, but it was our first time, whatever.
I didn't think that much of it, but there have been thread after thread about these two. So, then Hannah today came out with a big apology on...
Which, this is what I saw. Yeah, she came out with a big apology, like, god i you know i met one of my idols and i got to speak to her and it's always been my dream to interview her and so i use the word fight because i guess people are you know inferring like a microaggression because she yeah you know she said she uses that music to fight or whatever i mean i would have said to fight with violence you know yeah i would have you just so funny two e's in your name you know i would have asked i would have been dumber let me just i i started to read this i started to read she posted something that was like it's always been my dream to interview megan the stallion and i interviewed her and then i just stopped reading it because i was like oh she's just having a moment where she was like reflecting on being at the vanity fair moving on i had no idea she was apologizing for something yeah it was like her apology for microaggressions or whatever for mega the stallion and uh i thought wow she's having quite a week this week wow uh so yeah that's what's going on with that stuff uh but yeah uh just don't put me on a red carpet that's bringing it all back to me just don't ever do it.
It's just not a good idea because I saw that and I was like, oh no. She's probably Oprah compared to me.
You know, the gays can get away with a lot more things on a red carpet. Because if you watch, this is what we can get away with on a red carpet.
Oh my God, your ankle, I die. It's like a beautiful little Mount Everest, but on your foot in the best possible way.
It's iconic. If you've put it sideways, it looks like the logo for Toblerone, which I know is a different mountain.
But if you think about it, like that's honestly like my favorite candy bar. And like people be like, oh my God, I love you.
I love you. If we're gay guys, you could do it.
But anyone else that's like, why are you talking about my ankle? I know. I'd have been like, been like oh my god girl you're the reason women used to have to hide their ankles because that is scandal that is your ankle can i talk to your ankle like hey ankle here put the mic up to the ankle icon mother what do you have to say about that oh yeah your icon is your ankle is a sleigh right now top lar.
I want to fuck your ankle.

I just get so weird.

Matterhorn.

I don't know why that's where I went. But the point

is this.

We would be a disaster

on the red carpet, but I think it would be fun.

No, don't put that out into the

universe. No, I'm not doing that.

No, I'm not trying to solicit it. I'm not trying to solicitit.
I just think it would be fun. It's hard, but it's fun.
Yeah. Like everything.
Okay. Oh, God.
My Botox is so wearing off. Look how much I can move my face.
This is disgusting. This is supposed to last three months.
How much am I supposed to pay for Botox? For fuck's sake. My eyebrow muscles are.
Okay. I'm going to do the the rest of the podcast just holding my eyebrows like this.
All right, Ben, go ahead. Here, I'll do it too in unison as support.
I'm going to need to hold my face like this for Summer House. It's Summer House Day, so let's get into it.
So, Sierra has just learned about the text from Kyle. And Paige has just said,

You're lucky I don't buy Loverboy and sell it.

So now a big group is sitting outside relaxing.

And Jesse's like,

You know what, guys?

No beef this weekend.

Just vibes.

Just vibes, guys.

Paige is like,

I'll tell you what vibe I want.

Fuck Kyle.

So Kyle comes out. He yags everyone in the rule and everything and jesse's like daddy's home so yeah why is jesse like how is it that jesse is so young i mean he's so young but he's like a divorced dad you know like dropping his cheerleader daughter off at like a party a senior party i mean like hey girls hey still yeah right he's like unbuttons one extra button before he goes in yeah why does he give those vibes it's so creepy he really does he really also has the vibe of like a baby bjorn dad like he's ready to go into that like as much as he's like i love girls i love you know you can see jesse in like seven years walking around barbecues with a little baby strapped to his chest the whole time and that's nothing but nothing wrong with it it's just i really can see it which is good because he has that sort of chest dent that he talks about that's perfect to sort of nestle a little baby right in there you know but that's kind of his vibe he's like a dad i'm not gonna i'm not gonna even put that image in my head what a nestled baby no just Jesse jumping over to dad mode I don't think I'm not going to even put that image in my head.
What, a nestled baby?

No, just Jesse jumping over to dad mode.

I don't think I'm ready for that.

Anytime, you know?

This is summer house.

This has taken nine years to get someone into parent mode.

I need my dad.

He's going to be one of those people that's like,

fuck boy, fuck boy, fuck boy, fuck boy, fuck boy, suddenly dad.

And you'll be like, wait, what happened?

And then that'll be his personality.

He's like, I was such a fuck boy, but now I'm like a dad. dad it's awesome but then he's also the dad that winds up hitting on the babysitter i mean we know the trajectory it's all right there yeah i'll be like juicy booty someone needs a diaper change someone's got juice in their booty he'll just like use the same terminology but but change the meaning yeah like in a non-creepy way he'll just take everything okay.
So they're like, where's Bailey? Bailey's not here this weekend, which I don't know if anyone else noticed, but they did. And Lexi's like, I guarantee that's the last time they're going to ask.
That's the last time we're going to hear that. Okay, go on.
It's over. Lexi's like, she hates you.
Now she's like, she's having boyfriend issues, I think. So Danielle's come.
Danielle still here so she's she comes up and uh it's just hugs you know it's a lot of hugs kyle's like whoa bro you want you need a hug we need a hug she's like i know it has been so long since i've been here really been working on my oh hey everybody else lover boy lover boy uh all right everyone we're gonna do a scavgeron to find out the gender my baby so i'm like they are all good sports because no one even groans or rolls their eyes and you can tell that um kyle has really pissed off page because she's so preoccupied being mad with kyle she doesn't get to roll her eyes at this gender reveal because you cannot tell me that page likes a gender reveal i just don't believe this on summer house House. A gender reveal scavenger hunt.
You want this to be believable? You need to lose your baby and then have everybody scrambling to find your baby. Because that's natural.
You know what I mean for this cast? So let's be like, I lost my baby. I got on the phone at the subway.
And next thing I know, I was on the train. And I was like, oh my god, I love my baby on the bench.
Everybody find it? I have to say, I've never been invited to a gender reveal, and I want to be invited so that way I can not go out of protests. I feel like it's really important to send this message out in society.
I cannot support a gender reveal. I will not support one, and I don't care who it is.
And I know someone will reach out to me and say, but I actually had a gender reveal. It was really fun.
I guarantee none of your guests thought it was fun and no one wanted to be there. Well, I've been to a gender reveal, but it turned out to be a circle jerk.
I just didn't really understand the terminology until people took it over for babies. It's like you're supposed to pull out your wiener like oh so i guess this is a gender reveal huh they're like no uh actually that that has to do with dyed smoke oh sorry sir please put your penis away this is this is the color is the cake yeah so lindsey's like the whole point of celebrating this is because i just spent such a long time and then she's like just burps saying sorry i just spent a lot things just happened in pregnancy anyway um i just spent a long time hiding this and now i want to celebrate as much as i can sure okay fine i don't know so then i feel like i think it's like hiding sexuality it's like hiding anything else it's like you know when you finally come out of the closet you're just like give it over you know where's where's the nearest wiener factory you know you're just like i'm so gay oh my god chapel ron i love chapel ron i love chair i love i love chair too have you ever seen big business oh my god i'm tearing up my lincoln park posters putting up chapel road just do it all at one time it took me so long to get here although it only took me till i was 15 but i was still really excited hence the hence the gender reveal party i told you about earlier okay so next up um danielle's like uh i feel like the gender reveal usually includes the baby daddy for one.
You know, I mean, I just spent such a lot, you know, Turner, like, I don't think Turner's coming to this. In fact, I know he's not coming to this.
But you know who is? Her ex-fiancee. So maybe she's just trying to rub it in Carl's face.
Shut the fuck up, Danielle. Do you have any loyalty to anybody on this show show don't start shaming somebody because i'm glad that she didn't bring fucking turner to this and i'm glad she's gonna raise that damn baby alone what kind of lady are you leave her alone yeah and ted turner's old he doesn't have time to go to these things so i say is he still with us he's still popping out children men will still men will still get the baby till they're 90 years old, Al Pacino.

Yeah, here's

what I gotta say.

I don't think that Lindsay's doing this to rub it in

Carl's face. She's doing it

to rub it in America's face because she's been

trying to have this baby for so long.

I don't like a gender reveal. I think it's excessive

and annoying and stupid.

You have to force enthusiasm for something you don't

inherently care that much about. It's like, okay, great.
But that being said, Lindsay's been trying to

get pregnant for a long time. And so she does want to milk it.
And I get it because that's

what Lindsay does. And so for Danielle, who knows Lindsay so well, to think that Lindsay might

actually be doing this from a place of passive aggression, I think it's actually pretty shitty

of Danielle. It's not from a place of passive aggression.
It's from a place of wanting a

Thank you. from a place of passive aggression, I think is actually pretty shitty of Danielle.
She knows she's not, it's not from a place of passive aggression.

It's from a place of wanting a huge amount of attention.

That's it.

Well, Lindsay's not passive aggressive anyway.

She's just straight up aggressive.

So I don't think you should ever accuse her

of passive aggression.

You know, she doesn't care.

And if Carl doesn't like it,

go home, Carl.

Okay.

So, and you know,

Carl's actually pretty chill about this. I'm going to give credit to Carl.
He was a sport, I would say. He's still Carl.
Yeah, he's still Carl this season. He's Carl 9.0.
Y'all. So, Lindsay's like, okay, everyone, here's how it works.
If you think I'm having a boy, you're going to go stand by the blue team and get a blue shirt. And then if you think I'm having a girl, you're going to stand by the girl's side and put on a pink shirt.
And then there's going to be clues and treasure

boxes. You're going to find all the clues and then we're going to

come back to the big box. You're going to find out what it is.
And if you're

wearing a blue shirt but it's actually supposed to be pink, you'll put on a pink

shirt. But if you're wearing a pink shirt and it's supposed to be blue, you can put on

a blue shirt. And then you'll know what the baby

is. And then for dinner, we're going to have something that's going to be

either blue or it's going to be pink, depending on what's in the box.

Because again, the rules are you have to get into a thing.

It's like, okay, we get it. Like pink and blue.

Just tell me where to stand and show me a color and then we can get this process over with it's so heteronormative where's the t-shirt for taco contract you know where's the taco i vote that baby's gonna be a taco now that would be a special so um west then says because it's a scavenger hunt she says these clues are going to be in little treasure boxes. West is like, is it riddles? No, they're just going to tell you where to go next.
Of course, it's a scavenger hunt, you idiot. Yeah, so they get their clues, and they run around figuring out where Steph is.
And Carl's like, oh, yeah, I mean, it's a little weird. Yeah, sure, it's like a little weird, you know.
But I'm just going to be happy and supportive, because I'm Carl 9.0. and uh carl's like oh yeah i mean it's a little weird yeah sure it's like a little weird you know but i'm just gonna be happy and supportive because i'm carl 9.0 and uh it's important for me to just be like in good spirits you know because like last summer i did not have a fun time and then we cut back to a scene from last summer where he's like you started insulting me and telling me i'm literally doing drugs i will that.
No, why are you yelling? Why are you yelling? Maybe it can help me understand. I don't know.
Can I be upset? You're always allowed to be upset. Why am I not allowed to be upset? Well, why can't I be upset, too? Like, maybe I can understand if you lower your fucking tone.
Take a fucking lap. So, it's important for me to have vibes, guys.
Good vibes. Good vibes, guys.
Like, what am I going to do? Sit in the corner and go like, I don't want to be a part of this. Well, you just spent the last two years doing it.
I don't know why it would be any different now. Have you seen the show recently? It's time for a commercial.
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You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus. I have a big announcement, guys.

My coffee, I'm drinking cold brew today,

and I didn't want to say anything,

but my cold brew is pregnant,

and I want to do a gender reveal.

If the straw is blue, it's the coffee is boy.

If it's pink, it's a girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a girl.

It's a girl.

I've got a pink straw, everyone. Congratulations everyone congratulations on your heteronormative coffee my coffee already wants to dress like a princess because that's what society told my coffee to do so we're just so happy for it it's so happy wait what's that i'm not really sure if it's a boy or a girl, but my baby definitely loves The Little Mermaid already.

So, who can say?

Wait, what's that?

You want to dress like Elsa for Halloween?

Sure.

Anything for you, coffee.

My baby, we just got a sonogram, and my baby is wearing a poncho and a headband.

My baby officially identifies as an art teacher.

Okay?

So, we're just going to go with that.

You know my art teacher's name?

Just you saying that, it's so funny, because my art teacher in elementary school, her name was Pepper Crowfoot.

Pepper Crowfoot?

Guess what? Well, my speech and debate teacher is not really art but it was my art it still is and let me give you a speech to describe how much it meant to me uh her name was norma garrett which is the same as facts of life and i ended up moving in with her when i was kicked out when i was 15 when i came out of the at how this is becoming a, I came out of the closet when I was 15 episode.

Guys, let's all pull out our wieners.

Do you know what my speech and debate teacher's name was?

Diane von Furstenberg.

Wow.

Okay.

She's like, okay, let me teach you how to give a speech.

Rap dress.

Here's what you do.

You make your point, then you say, that's a rap.

And then you wink. And then you say, get it.
It works every time. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You make your point, then you say, that's a rap, and then you wink, and then you say,

get it. It works every time.

Thank you,

guest speaker

Diane Von Furseberg for coming into my

class.

So the first clue is

go to the place Kyle likes to cry.

Kyle's tears are

like God. They're omnipresent.
You could

go anywhere, and there should be a box, because that man literally cries everywhere. But it's his car.
So I guess they're like, it's your car, right? Another clue is when Lindsay needed a break last year, where did she go without any fear? That's the front gate. So they go to the front and then um then the next one is they're still looking for places that kyle cries because he cries everywhere and then um and then they're realizing they have different clues they're just like running all around here's another clue go to the place the bed bugs love to stay at their favorite spot every night, every day.
And Amanda's like, my room.

Home of the bed bugs.

Amanda's room.

Yeah.

Then, let's see.

They're running around looking for the next clue.

And this is where the boys whip out their cocks.

Find the clue, and it will take you to the box.

So then they're like, okay, where do they like to pee? What did you say? In the backyard. That's where they pee, right? But Kyle, and I like that Kyle said, but I pee over the railing.
Well, I guess I pee everywhere. Where do I pee the most? And he's always so drunk when he does this that it took the girls to find it, right? Yeah, exactly.
So they find it, and it turns out,

okay, so they get to the box,

and the pink team gets to the box, and they open up the box,

and it's pink.

It's pink balloons.

It's going to be a little girl.

Yay.

Now everyone has to wear pink to dinner.

Oh, I should have worn my pink shirt, Ronnie.

I forgot again to wear my new pink shirt in honor of Lindsay's

baby reveal. I wore my light

blue shirt because I'm team blue.

Well, I'm upset

because I literally just made a pink shirt

and it could have been thematically appropriate

for this episode. We can press stop and put it on.

No one's going to stop you.

So, she,

you know, it's going to be a girl and they look deeper

into the box and they're like, oh my god, it's a box of condoms. So that's, that was nice.
They look even deeper. They're like, wait a second.
Is this a Marshall's commercial in here? Yeah. Wait, Marshall's is selling plan B boxes now.
What the hell? So, uh, Amanda's like, oh my God, my tummy hurts from running. And there's a chef there.
So he's going to make them some dinner and stuff, which, you know, look, that's great. I would prefer to hire somebody to clean this shit up.
That's a lot of people to clean up after. If I'm going to spend the money, I'm getting a maid.
Yeah, yeah, I agree. So Kyle and Carl are talking outside.
And Kyle's like, so, bro, is that weird for you? He's like, well, it was a little awkward, but I'm also like happy for her. I was like, it was a good exercise.
And it's just like, you know, I'm just like looking forward to like some closure. Honestly, I just like, you know, it was like weird.
I was like, didn't know how to even say anything because like, I just didn't know. I didn't want to make it weird.
So like, it's like, yeah, man. Like, well, it makes it a very clean next chapter, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, totally.
I'm not really involved in any of this. I just have one question.
Has Lindsay called her baby cocaine baby yet? It was really rough. Trying to let it go.
What was Carl saying last episode or two episodes ago when he came up with an excuse for why he didn't say hi't say hi to Lindsay he's like oh I'm just like not sure if uh I'm not sure if she's ready to hear from AR bullshit like that is so ridiculous um so uh they've checked in and uh now Carl is showing Carl his phone he's like can you believe this and we see the headline that says, Hannah Burner claims ad for Loverboy competitor led to Summer House firing. Which is so silly because it's like, Hannah still hasn't watched that season.
She's like, must have been the ad. Must have been the ad.
And Carl's like, yeah, I was going on a podcast talking shit about me and my business. And she's saying publicly that I got her fired.
I mean, what man carl's like oh yeah that really sucks that really sucks he's like yeah because i value and put so much trust into my friendship with page and like she's always played switzerland which i kind of respect but you know what at some point you gotta choose you know i mean it's fucking ridiculous like where do you stand in this you You know? Are you the little hot chocolate bitch? Are you for watches? Switzerland fight. Switzerland fight.
Like, at some point, are you like Halls of Medicine or Ricola, right? So, by the way, she literally does not have to choose. There's no reason why she has to choose right now.
She's doing the most sane thing, which is navigating her relationship with one work colleague and another work colleague. And the other work colleague is she's closer with and arguably more successful with.
So the fact that she's being so nice to you is a privilege. I just say, stop being such a wuss.
If you've got a problem with Hannah doing this, fucking call Hannah. Like, why are you such a wuss aboutuss about it like why do you need such a proxy to do it stop crying i mean listen spoiler alert kyle spends the rest of the episode he's crying more than half of this episode like get the fuck over it grow up brah jeez i also guarantee i would still fuck your ankles now sorry go ahead Ben.
Your uncle right now um i also am going to wager to believe that that 95 of the viewing audience um either did not was not aware of hannah's interview or if they had read it they were like oh maybe interesting interesting theory and moved on with their lives they literally didn't care maybe there were some people who have maybe there's some like diehard giggly squad fans who've pestered kyle but like you know he's really blowing this he's actually amplifying this theory by bringing it onto the show right now yeah i'm gonna sneeze i'm gonna sneeze out of protest protest sneeze um oh yeah you did i was gonna try to do it off camera but i couldn't i couldn't touch the buttons quickly enough. He's like, well, you know, I'm trying to give her leeway because, like, I know she can't control people on their life today, but, like, I was her, you know? Like, her friends going on podcasts talking shit about me and my business, and, like, I was just spiraling.
I was, like, rage texting Paige, you know? I think I boiled over. I think I boiled over, bro.
Well, hopefully she's not mad at you because wow wednesday day like on my when i die on my gravestone it's gonna say here lies cocaine carl took me on a wednesday day like this haunts you forever y'all so now lindsey and danielle are shutting up dinner and this is so cute and then uh emerald is uh's just, he's asking about like what to wear and everything. Cause he's like, we're not dressing in pink and blue anymore.
Right. And Lexi's like, yeah.
Cause like now we know. So now we're like all dressing in like pink.
So, and then West is sweaty. That's the update.
And then Danielle and Lindsay are talking. In nothing new news, Wes is sweaty.
Nothing new news. Wes is sweaty.
Lindsay's like, oh my God, can you imagine this child's first birthday? It's going to be like amazing. I can't imagine it.
And it's going to be wild. It's going to be a lot.
Sounds fucking halacious. I think that baby is going to be chain smoking by the time it's first birthday it's gonna be like one can only hope make me a pizza beach we got some business to discuss what about all right we gotta talk about things over at julon so uh hampton social so we haven't had any food so he goes straight to the food and just starts eating it in secret and, like, looking at the cameras as he kind of chows it down.
Um, and Danielle and Lindsay are getting ready and being cute. And then Lindsay goes to the kitchen and Kyle and Amanda are reading the phone.
And Amanda's like, um, Lindsay, Turner texted you. And Kyle and I are both so nosy.
And we reading him and he's like wow wow we just like lit up it's like um are we saying his name or like are we not saying his name lindsey like are we allowed to say turner turn danielle did they do it yeah danielle says yeah we're allowed to say turner because i was be like, BDT, baby daddy Turner. Because it's like saying Turner.
That's like a funnier way of saying Turner. Anyway, club's ended tonight, guys.
Meet you in the living room. God, Danielle, how did they ever let you go? So Lindsay's like, oh, I know it's kind of strange that my ex-fiancee is here and not my real fiancee.

But you know what?

I've never been with anyone so private.

It's just like, oh, strange.

Sorry.

Sorry, things happen.

There's a little burp.

So anyway, now everyone's getting ready for dinner.

And West again is talking about how he hasn't eaten any food and he's still going back to that buffet table. And then Danielle and Colin and Ruler, and they're all like gathering and Danielle is talking about how she loves everyone's outfits and stuff.
And then Lindsay's like offering some champagne. She, she offers some champagne to, she says to Carl, by the way, there's some champagne there if you want.
And he's like, oh, really? Is it N.A.? N.A.? Not alcohol. She's like, yeah.
I was like, oh, thank you. Thank you for being soft.
Yeah, thank you. That was like the softest you've ever been.
Thank you so much. Thanks for the champagne.
Yeah, it's a tender champagne. I need tender bubbles.
It's is that now we're both now again we're both in a yeah so we actually are kind of vibing right now oh no no tiny bubbles tiny bubbles shout out don ho tiny bubbles shout out hoku so um you know they're they're everyone's complimenting the decorations and stuff there's so much pink stuff and uh then there's some cheersing with danielle and emerald danielle totally wants emerald i don't care what anybody says she's like yeah tell me more about it tell me more about it emerald wait this episode you're telling me the woman who hooked up with the balloon guy is now hot for some other random dude? Yeah. Danielle wants the D.
Yeah. Danielle.
I'm just, it's a strong, it's vibes, guys. And he's like, hey, here's to a great weekend, everybody.
And she's like, yo, welcome to the house. Oh, yo, we love sex swings here.
Don't we, guys? Don't we? Don't we? God, it feels so good to be back. God, I can't believe that one week i was away from this house it's just been the world's changed so now danielle's talking to jesse at the sink and um she's like oh she's doing dishes or something she's like oh my god touch your shoulders before and i was like oh my god i guess i shouldn't do that because like before when we were outside i mean i just met lexi and like that's so awkward because like you guys are together but like i'm touching her boyfriend like i want to be you know like i want to be respectful and everything you know yeah it was just like sort of weird because i felt bad when i touched her shoulder because i was like i shouldn't touch a shoulder in front of someone who was here as part of a social studies project to learn what adults do and then i realized no she's actually part of the house so it was weird i shouldn't have touched you in the first place my bad he's like well yeah but if that's not okay then i'm like seriously worried and you know what i'm not sure that it is okay so listen why is he already painting this girl out to be psycho now she's not really helping it with like being jealous after the first week and stuff but he could have avoided all of this by just saying okay you don't want to have sex until we're dating then let's just not have sex yes and take it slow like what's the harm with just like getting to know someone is your penis really that like i must be you've already had like three other girls on the line so why couldn't you just say okay well then let's just kind of take it slow and not you know not bang yet but also like look you know jealousy is never an attractive trait I'm not gonna what I'm about to say is not in support of jealousy but why is it that you're allowed to love bomb and smother someone with affection and that's like actually okay but then when she's like when she gets jealous that's.
The point is, you guys are both overdoing it. And you both need to chill out and move on and relax and put those tongues to rest for a moment.
I hope they break up quickly. Are they still together? I need to know.
Should I look at that? I hope not. I mean, the show is sowing the seeds for classic fuckboy behavior, which is like, whoa.
She's crazy like i think here's what it is i guess what i was trying to articulate before is that like oh he's now gonna paint her as almost like crazy oh she's so jealous wow she's so jealous like how crazy she is you're the one who love-bombed her you're the one who aggressively pursued this and we're and like established a tone of like we are like intensely in love right off the bat and then you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa look how crazy she's acting she's acting like we're intensely in love i do not stand for this i do not stand for this okay so here's what i typed in r j e s s and then a bunch of things popped up that said are jesse and lexi still together that's the first google result result. You know what? I'm so proud of us, America.
You know? I know it looks like we're going down the drain right now in a lot of respects, but I still believe, I look at our search algorithms and I still believe in us. What was the first thing you typed in? You typed in R? A-R-E, the word R, and then J-E-S-S, and it popped up immediately.
Oh my yeah together same are jesse and leslie still together there's also are jess and harry still together and are jess and sammy still together oh jess and sammy ew gross love island reference oh okay well i'm not gonna look at it because i don't want to be spoiled no honestly they you can't be spoiled by two pieces of people who are already spoiled themselves. Just the curdled milk of people.
So, let's see here. So, Jesse's like, oh, this is very different from every other relationship, you know, because, like, I'm rusty, you know? And she said she's jealous, and I'm willing to change, guys, really.
You know, but hopefully for the better.

But I just don't want to change who I am and my character, like, for someone I just met.

But why does your character have to be, you know, banging a ton of people?

Now, as far as the flirting with the housemates and stuff, he should just say, that's my friendship.

Right?

What do you think?

What character and what personality does Jesse actually have beyond smiling smiling he makes up songs about himself that's something yeah he sort of speaks like this a little bit that's like his personality he smiles so then uh everyone's gathering at the table at long last and carl is like okay hold loose up carl he's making jokes and sierra's like she's like by the way car way, Carla, are you wearing white pants? Like, I am, but they're baggios fox. So they're like legit.
It's weird. It's weird having like an extra centimeter.
I don't know what to do with all this baggy space. It's like, you could put an airplane in there.
So much space. It's wild actually being here for a summer where my balls are actually producing sperm again.
It crazy there's um fabric that's not touching um one millimeter of my calf and it's very strange i practically ride a skateboard now my pants are not elk so then lindsey is like hi, everything. This is like pink food.
So like, thank you for participating in my entertainment, which was watching you guys run around the house. So guys, please enjoy my pink food.
I did not actually see what they were eating, but what I want pink food is pink. How do we feel about pink food? Because like, for instance, orange food tends to be delicious.
Almost everything orange is great. And brown food, too.
Brown food is really good, even if it's ugly. And green.
But pink? What do we have in pink? Penne ala vodka, maybe? They have crab legs. So those are pink.
Oh, that's good. And they had some pasta with some, like, cream sauce, like some red cream sauce.
That's good, too. And that's all I really noticed.
But, I mean, I guess what are you going to have? like some watermelon's good too and that's all i really noticed but i mean i guess what are you gonna have like some watermelon you know that's maybe a little bit over ripe or under right i guess would be pink some sad watermelon i got everyone sad watermelon in honor of pink worse i think what would you do if it was blue what would you do if it was a baby what would you do if you

you're fucked all right everybody we're just having expired cheeses it would be blue cheese it'd be blue cheese and blueberry shit and then i don't know where that gets you really some completely raw you know purple cauliflower maybe yeah i don't. You're just fucked at that point.
You just give up. So,

thank you for anticipating my gender

thing. It means so much

to me. And so, everybody's

congratulating her, but it's a gender

reveal, and nobody here has any interest

in this, so it becomes super

quiet. So, then

Carl's like, okay, well, what are we going to name her?

That's my question.

I think we should name her.

Send it.

Send it.

And Paige is like, um, Lindsay, are you going to take my name, a suggestion into consideration?

I think you should because I have great taste.

And she's like, um, well, we actually have a name that we really like.

And Paige is like, oh, really?

We do?

Better than Hortense?

That was my choice.

And she's like, yes, we do.

And so Kyle's like, we do and so kyle's

like page page what was your name suggestion page page because dale and by the way i support it if only to keep the memory of tinsley mortimer's mother on bravo alive and well that baby is gonna come out and be like feed me honey not with that thing and get me a bottle, for Christ's sake.

Now, I know I'm a newborn,

but I just want to say, mother, when you look at me, don't think about your expired youth, because that went away a long time ago. So, give me something you're not going to use.
Any more eggs? How about that? Kyle knows that he's in trouble, right?

Because Paige is in trouble. you're not going to use.
Any more eggs? How about that?

Kyle knows that he's in trouble, right? Because Paige is

ignoring him and won't answer him and won't look at him

and stuff. He has to really try to get that answer

out. So he's starting to

like, you know, his eyes get really wide and he starts

doing his like internal freak out

of like being confronted over things

that happened when he was drunk. We've

seen it for nine years now. So here

he goes down his shame spiral.

And now they're talking about Thank you. of being confronted over things that happened when he was drunk.
We've seen it for nine years now.

So here he goes, down his shame spiral.

And now they're talking about,

they're just making a little small talk about Lexi and her family.

Paige is like, where'd you guys go to dinner last night?

She goes, Pier 16.

No, I know that's the age of your peer group,

but where'd you go to dinner?

Pier 16.

So Jesse's like, well well he's totally with drinks and then we went back to her apartment drank for probably four or five hours and then we went to the club at like 2 30 and i was like you went to the club with their parents this was all a parents day and she's like yeah yeah her mom put on jean shorts and a blazer and her dad was wearing all black. I already commented on her mom's post, you look hot as fuck.
I want to slap your ankles with my wiener. Lexi got mad, but you know, it's something I'm working on.
They're like, so wait, were they just down for the week? And she's like, um, so my mom and my sister actually work with me. like, in the last year, they've just been here, like, more.

Like, just because, like, I need them for, like, meetings and, like, selfies and stuff.

And they're like, so do they have, like, their own apartment?

No, they just stay with me.

It's great.

And Wes goes, oh, fuck yeah.

It's literally like the other two.

I don't know if you ever saw that show. But that's literally the setup of that entire show is this.

So Lexi describes her family situation.

She goes, my relationship with my family is, like probably than most people. We're all friends and we're all business partners and we're all family and I don't think I've ever really partied without my mom and my sister so it's kind of like great.
I would run. I would run like hell.

This sounds like bloody hell.

Oh my god, tonight we're going to go out with my

parents. My mom's wearing short shorts

and a blazer.

No.

We're broken up, okay?

I'm sorry. I can't.

Please.

Just give your sister these before.

Just give your sister these as a goodbye present. Makeup wipes, okay? Thank you.
I'm like, club owners know my parents' name. And I'll literally be like rolling up with my parents and they're like, slay, slay.
And like probably say every guy I've dated has met my parents like so casually. Cause like, obviously I'm always with them.
The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you.
This girl needs an exorcism. This is awful.
I hate everything about this. Look, I love my parents.
I love my brother. I love my family.
I love doing stuff with them. But like this whole thing where she's just like she's like guys how awesome is my family like that's what the vibe is that she's giving and you just know like if you're gonna have a friendship with her or like date her you have to sort of be down with that whole family and like no no no no saying no to all of this and you know and i know that people are close to their family but this is too much you know and you know that anytime you do anything wrong you're gonna to get the mom and the sister on your ass and then later you're going to have to have the talk with the dad where he's like you know what champ you disappointed us today all right yeah okay buddy all right champ so you think it's all very talking about my little girl there buddy okay yeah it's i don't like it people shouldn't live actual sitcom lives and that's what this is so danielle um now we're back at dinner and danielle's like so would you guys consider yourselves exclusive now that you met the parents jesse and he's like oh danielle i mean you're being so silly i mean i think it feels like we're both only like just pursuing each other but like we'll discuss and you know let you guys goes, right? Amanda's got her face full of crabs.
She's chewing this big crab. She's like, no, do it right now.
Do it right now, you guys. But wait.
You guys. You guys.
Well, what's up with you guys, by the way? Oh, you know, same all, same all. Why didn't you ask Kyle what's up? He's had a lot to say this week.
And you know when Paige gets mad, speaking of cartoons, because I was actually studying Paige's eyebrows yesterday.

Because I was like, what's happening with her eyebrows?

Why is one curved and then one's in a triangle?

But then as the episode went on and my study continued, I realized they're actually both curved.

But she has such an anger eyebrow that it will go completely angular.

She's mad.

One was curved, and then the other was completely in a triangle.

And she was like, yeah, ask Kyle about it.

He's had a lot to say this week.

And Kyle's like, so you're upset?

She's like, yeah, yeah, Kyle.

About you rage texting me last week talking about Hannah and Craig? She she starts getting her accent when she gets to get her accent she did she was she really came out real strong and so um page is like my best friend and my boyfriend and kyle's like uh because somehow you're in the and guess what somehow you're in the middle of it all again she, how am I in the middle? I said nothing, Kyle. Well, I was hurt that your business partner is still out there lying about why she's no longer in the house, okay? Then that's just what happened.
She's like, well, it's two different experiences. You'll never agree.
It doesn't matter because you guys aren't going to be friends, so it doesn't matter. Well, we all know that Kyle did not get Hannah fired.
Hannah used to be part of our summers, and I was really good friends with her and Paige, but unfortunately, Hannah and Kyle had a big falling out, which in turn affected me. Kyle.
And we see flashbacks of Kyle and Hannah fighting over garbage. What a fun time.
So then Amanda is just basically saying that her worst nightmare would be if this affected her relationship with Paige. And Paige is like, I don't even care about the Hannah stuff.
What I'm saying is that history is repeating itself again. But it's just a new player and now it's Craig.
And now you aren't going to be friends. And it's again me and Amanda there to pick up the pieces.
And I'll be damned if I let what happened to hannah and amanda happen to me and amanda and i'll also be damned if you catch me wearing tight tight jeans they're out right now loose jeans they're in oh good hit it nailed it nailed it listen the way greg went about it hurt me okay there's multiple lies multiple lies to be. You know what that did to Loverboy's talk? You know people who drink Loverboy are really worried about my personal reputation and what Anna Barter says.
She's like, what was Greg supposed to do? He went about it in the right way, Kyle. He told you he was doing it, and then he did it.
But he didn't say he was doing it. He said

they approached him and none of the things

he said is true about me. And

Kyle said that he thought he had an opportunity

to talk to him about it

in between. And then

he was like, I don't know. And then also

it was claimed that he gave me a chance

at Calendar and he asked if he could invest in Loverboy and I

said just give me a second to come up with a proposal.

And then Sierra's like, okay, well I would invest with you guys if you gave me the opportunity to yeah congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two go look for the recap that says part two see you over there suckers watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Alison King Our way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Catherine D. Bernardo has our heart-o Get on the right foot with Chrissy Off.
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