#2752 Denise Richards and her Wild Things S0101-02:Rants and Raves

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Speaker 2 Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today

Speaker 2 is mr ronnie carom hi ronnie how are you hi

Speaker 1 what's going on with you

Speaker 2 not much we're here today to recap the brand new series denise richards and her wild things

Speaker 2 we're gonna recap uh we're aspiring to recap the first two episodes in one episode here but we may split it up we'll see how it goes um anywho before we dive into that of course, we are continuing on with our national tour, the Mountain

Speaker 2 Asteria Tour, which is resuming next week.

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Speaker 2 Also, bonus episodes, we've been covering The Traders, the best show ever

Speaker 2 over there. Finale is happening tomorrow.
Can't wait. Now, here's a note about Patreon that you may have missed on our Beverly Hills recap, which is that Apple has introduced an Apple tax.

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Speaker 1 Buttheads. All right, let's get on with Denise Richards and her wild things.

Speaker 1 It's wacky Denise Richards getting another solo show, guys.

Speaker 1 Here we are.

Speaker 2 Here we are. What did you think about it, Ranny?

Speaker 1 I liked it. It's a little

Speaker 1 Kim Zolsiak-ish, you know, not as trashy,

Speaker 1 but it's got kind of those vibes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I enjoyed it. It was interesting seeing her daughters because we really didn't see that much of her daughters.
I kind of like how the trauma of the daughters has like spread out in different ways.

Speaker 1 Like you've got one daughter who's like, I'm OnlyFans now. And then you've got the other one who's

Speaker 1 like super religious.

Speaker 1 It's interesting watching how whatever has gone on in their lives has worked their way through two people in completely different ways.

Speaker 1 So that's pretty interesting to watch. I enjoyed it for the most part.
I thought it was fun, some fun camp.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's some amusing parts in it. I mean, these types of shows are not really my jam.
Generally speaking, like the

Speaker 2 half an hour in the lives of a celebrity it's kind of light and fun and silly you know you know it's fine though i mean we you know i love denise richards you know i i love that she's just like i don't care dog shit i'll roll around and i don't care but um uh you know like i would not say that these her shows are my jam when bravo rolls these shows out like once per year there's some sort of version of this whether it's this whether it's kim zolsiak whether it's like someone getting ready for a wedding um

Speaker 1 but you know this it's fun the answer okay with that yeah this uh i believe that back in the TV, Gasm, or Trash Talk TV days, I recapped the original Denise Richards reality show.

Speaker 2 It's complicated.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now I don't know if I did the whole thing or if I just did a couple episodes, but I remember getting really into that one because it was kind of boring, you know, and she has this like weird relationship with her dad.

Speaker 1 There's that was that was what that one was about. He's like, you're hot, honey.
Show it off or whatever.

Speaker 1 I remember that one being a little odd, but it finally got good at the end when she bitched out a reporter who wasn't doing what she wanted. like, she lost her shit at them.

Speaker 1 And then it got really good. And then it was canceled.
So I'm interested to see. I'm basically rooting for whatever reporter comes in and pisses her off because that was the best part of the last one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, let's start off with the first episode here.

Speaker 2 We see

Speaker 2 Denise like, here we go.

Speaker 2 And we see all these cups from the show and everything. And we just see lots of different things happening.
You know, if someone wants to see my boobies, I'm like, fucking thank you.

Speaker 2 And then I'm just trying to balance everything.

Speaker 1 I'm an actress I'm a wife I'm you know I'm all I do the whole Hollywood thing so they show all of her stuff and then

Speaker 1 We see her hugging Sutton because she's gonna have guests she's gonna just don't worry It's not just her It's also housewives and stuff and then we see her daughters Sammy and Lola and Sammy's driving and Lola's like you don't like bright colors and she's like yes I do look at my nails and she's like yeah I don't like bright colors Jesus doesn't like right colors and she like flips off her sister it's gonna be wild hey my cool ma'am all right like hey are we are we calling cuckoo birds you know you know being a parent in the public eye and in Hollywood is really hard especially when your mom and dad are Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen by the way Denise's voice has gotten more gravelly than ever I was like damn Denise's voice is so gravely that I actually went back and looked up a clip from Wild Things just to hear what her voice used to be like.

Speaker 2 And she was back then, she was like, hi, can I get a ride, please?

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, I can't get a ride.

Speaker 2 I'm Denise Richards. I was like, This is a woman who's lived some life over 20 years.

Speaker 1 This woman has lived some life and she's had a nice pack of Marlboroughs through the whole thing for sure. Yes.

Speaker 1 She's like, Oh, kids, I guess you got a fucked-up mom and a fucked up dad, and I got fucked up kids now. So I'm like, Mom,

Speaker 1 so it's wacky. She's like, I'm just trying to keep the family together, and these kids make it so fucking hard, you know and then we get the theme song

Speaker 1 so then the kids are driving and Denise is so excited she's gonna get to see them and they go to Macmillan ranch where they're meeting Aaron and Eloise and guess what they're gonna get dogs guys lots and lots of dogs

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, we're gonna get the babies. Let's go get the blondies.

Speaker 2 So they go into this space where there's like all these golden retrievers just jumping around and everything. And Denise is like, can I sit down with them?

Speaker 1 And they're like, well, whatever you want.

Speaker 2 Aaron's like, you can do whatever you want. They're your dogs.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Yeah.
Oh, hey, dogs.

Speaker 1 All right. Why do we have three golden retrievers? Okay, here's what happened.
Okay. Sammy got a golden retriever, but then we found out that that golden retriever had a brother.

Speaker 1 So we went to get the brother, but then we got there and the brother had a sister and the sister had a brother and the brother had a cousin and the cousin.

Speaker 1 Well, here we are with three dogs the math doesn't make sense does it because didn't she say the brother had a sister so we went to get the sister and then the sister had a brother so that's three but then she mentioned another one she's like but then then we found out that the brother had a sister so you're just saving three of them and not the fourth one

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, then we found out that the brother belonged to Casper Van Dean, so we adopted him too. So Casper's part of the family too now, which is exciting.
Nice reunion from Starship.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I call Casper Van Deen fart face. So, you know, that was good.
So, yeah, he's got that dog.

Speaker 1 And so they're petting the dogs, and the trainer's like, just now the trainer, hot. I mean, God, you got to love LA because, like, every menial job is a hot person.

Speaker 1 He's like, just be careful when you sit down on this grass, right? I can't promise you there's not little landmines there. She's like, I don't care.
Have you been to my house?

Speaker 1 It's one big dog poop as it is. All right.

Speaker 2 I was married to Charlie Sheen. Sitting in shit was the least of the problems over in Anna household.

Speaker 2 So Aaron's like, well, which dog do you think shows any signs of anything for like being a service dog?

Speaker 2 And so they are, not only are they getting dogs, but the dog, one of the dogs is going to be a service dog for Eloise, who's special needs and has a chromosome

Speaker 2 situation. She says, Denise tells us that Eloise,

Speaker 2 we know from Beverly Hills, but she reminds us that Eloise was, they adopted her and it wasn't until she was five that they discovered that she had a deletion on chromosome 8, which has caused development delays with her speech.

Speaker 2 And she's not hard of hearing, nor is she autistic, but she needs a service dog that will be a good match for her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so they're asking who the primary caretaker is. She's like, me, not Lola.

Speaker 1 Lola's like, me, sometimes when I'm not working, I will do it.

Speaker 2 Lola has the most sing-songy voice I've heard in quite some time. You have Denise Richards, who is the opposite.
Like this is of a sing-songy voice, ah, Mary Richards.

Speaker 2 And then Lola, every time lola talks it really is like well i think that i can maybe do that

Speaker 1 give it 20 it's like a low show

Speaker 1 like yeah well i have a mom a famous mom you know i know

Speaker 1 oh the lord does this for me so

Speaker 2 denise like lola work lola works in a restaurant she's a hostess and she lives at home and i love i love her being home i wish sammy were still there though yeah so the trainer is like okay well you guys need training on training dogs, right?

Speaker 1 She's like, yeah, that's going to happen.

Speaker 1 You know, I got pregnant with Lola when Sammy was six months old, and I filed a divorce from their dad when I was six months pregnant.

Speaker 1 I always say Lola's like a fairy. You know, she's soft, she's light, she's got Charlie face, you know, and she's not your typical 19-year-old growing up.
I mean, you know,

Speaker 1 I mean, she doesn't even have a thong.

Speaker 1 What bus did this kid come off of, right?

Speaker 2 I think that Lola is exactly a 19-year-old kid from L.A. because like teenagers in L.A.
are either, they're like literally both of her daughters.

Speaker 2 They're either like tatted up, going on OnlyFans, going to raves, or they're like Lola, which is that they've like become born-again, super Christian, you know, going to Mosaic or whatever.

Speaker 2 Like this is, this is so, these kids are so LA, both of them together.

Speaker 1 Well, and it's also very Malibu, right? Because Malibu is a different animal. I mean, that's a completely different world living out there.
I mean, that is kind of like living in the country in a way.

Speaker 1 They're so separated from stuff. Like you can tell like how they dress and stuff.

Speaker 1 They're wearing little, you know, like cotton flower dresses and they're barefoot. It's very, yeah, it's very Malibu.

Speaker 2 Surfy. Yeah, very surfy.
But yeah, there's so many of these kind of like teenagers that are in LA who are crazy born again. It's, it's funny.

Speaker 2 People think of LA as this place where religion goes out the window, and we're all heathens out here.

Speaker 2 But there's a very strong kind of like born-again vibe that happens, especially from these like young actors who are kind of like lost at sea and they all kind of find community at these like at these like progressive churches, etc.

Speaker 1 Because it's like rebellion, you know, like when you're young, you're more rebellious. And in LA, which is kind of a godless place,

Speaker 1 it is being a rebel to be a Christian.

Speaker 2 So absolutely, it is. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 So it's like punk. You know, it's like punk rocks.
Like, fuck yeah, I'm into Jesus now.

Speaker 1 now yeah frick yeah man so they get the dogs in the car and denise just keeps going oh my god i'm so excited i'm so excited girl stomach i'm so excited and they keep so excited i started i'm so excited meter for denise

Speaker 2 i was like oh my god this is hilarious how she keeps saying the same word and then cut to this morning last night i stayed up making this like chocolate bar on my instagram and so i was documenting i was documenting the entire process of making Dubai chocolate.

Speaker 1 So I had about like, I don't know, probably like 10 or 12 stories.

Speaker 2 So I was like, you know what? I'm going to make that into a highlight so people can see my Dubai chocolate making.

Speaker 2 And so as I'm assembling all these stories together, every single story starts with me going like this.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. I was like, oh, God, I'm Denise Richardson right now.
I'm excited. I'm excited.
I'm excited. All right.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 All right. We got this out.
All right. We did this.
All right. We did that.

Speaker 1 How'd that Dubai chocolate turn out?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it was,

Speaker 2 okay. It was very good.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm definitely going to eat more of it.

Speaker 2 I made a few mistakes. The first thing is that I used

Speaker 2 baker's chocolate because I was in a store and that was the only melting chocolate that they had. So I was like, oh, it'll be fine.
Chocolate's chocolate.

Speaker 2 I'm not that chocolate's chocolate, but like this, for this application of a candy bar, you know,

Speaker 2 it's this will be fine. So, but I actually think I should, I would have been better off using nicer chocolate.
Second of all, I put too much chocolate in the mold. So it was very thick.

Speaker 2 Third of all, the filling, I mean, it was delicious, but you know,

Speaker 2 it does take time to do this. It's like a little bit more time than I was expecting.

Speaker 2 I thought you just make the filling, melt some chocolate, and just slather it together and put it in the fridge, but it sort of took more time.

Speaker 2 But also, I mean, maybe it took time because I was also documenting it. But like, as delicious as it was, the texture was great.
It kind of just tasted like a fancy peanut butter cup.

Speaker 2 Like, it was just kind of like peanut buttery kind of filling, even though it's pistachio it's pistachio and you got the katafi in there which is shredded phyllo dough which adds like really nice texture overall it was like really tasty i don't know if i feel compelled to do it again it wasn't like this is out of control this is a game changer but i also have to hold space for the fact that it was my first time ever using candy bar molds and i probably there's probably a lot of user error on my part so it was a fun experience very messy

Speaker 1 and you know five out of ten i'll still eat it all i'll eat it yeah honestly it's kind of like that it's kind of like this is good get a peanut butter cup or get like a hershey bar and just chocolate you know some things that's worth just yeah like i was trying to perfect uh macaron for so long and i finally did and then i was like but why they sell them yeah like they now sell they they actually sell really good macarones at costco yeah you can get them anywhere now that are pretty decent so i was like fuck that i'm going back yeah if i If I saw a Dubai chocolate out in the wild, I would totally buy it.

Speaker 2 But I don't, I think that there's like something to be said for like, you know, there's like

Speaker 2 with a candy bar with a filling like that, you want like the thickness of the chocolate to be certain. There's actually a lot of subtlety that goes into it that I did not possess.

Speaker 2 And I think like a good hack would be just get like a really high quality chocolate bar, make the filling. The filling's easy to make.

Speaker 2 And then just slather the filling on top of the chocolate bar like a spread and then take a bite. I think it'll be honestly just as good as just making the bars yourself.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So then that's interesting because, you know, I'm not a big candy maker.
So I wanted to know. So then we go over to talking about how to take the dogs out.

Speaker 1 You know, they're already fighting about who's going to take the dogs out. And the dogs have already pooped on the floor.
So that's where we're at with it. And you know it's going to happen.

Speaker 1 You know this house is just going to be full of dog poop and pee and these dogs are not going to get trained.

Speaker 1 I don't think that anybody in the audience was thinking, wow, there's a responsible family that's going to train dogs. Nope.
Yes. There's just going to be pooping everywhere.

Speaker 2 And Denise, by the way, tells us about her living situation, which is not unlike the way that she got these dogs, Whereas the dog was like, well, there was this dog and we found out I had a sister and then we got this.

Speaker 2 Here she says, well, Aaron's mom and dad and his brother came to stay with us for, but it's been over three years. So we decided we need more space.
So now we rented a townhouse.

Speaker 2 And then I rented another one. Then I rented another one.
So now we've got three. One's an office, one's a studio.
One's just a giant fuck dungeon. So, you know, we have a lot of fun in it.

Speaker 2 The dog shit will stay in one house. We'll work in the other.
you know, I'll get on that big penis in the other. It's a fun time over here at the Richards Compound.

Speaker 1 Is anybody surprised that Aaron Pfeiffer's family are a bunch of fucking moochers who showed up, moved into their house, and then refused to move out to the point that she had to go get a different place?

Speaker 1 Nothing about that surprised me at all. What fucking losers.
Get your own house, you weirdos. Who does that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is so strange. And like, why are they staying in the nice Malibu home while they're, while the rest of them are going to be in like a triple townhouse situation?

Speaker 1 Yeah, weird. So then they go to Pilates.
Denise and Sammy go to Pilates.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I found this a new place to go to Pilates because my Pilates trainer is doing a retreat in the Cayman Islands. And she goes, um, where's that? She's like, uh,

Speaker 1 it's in the Cayman Islands, honey.

Speaker 1 Run.

Speaker 2 So they walk in, they meet Sonia. She's like, well, I saw high intensity.
I thought I come here.

Speaker 2 So Sonia's like, yeah, well, it's definitely going to be high intensity, but we'll take it easy, which I would never believe from a Pilates instructor.

Speaker 2 So Denise continues talking and she says, well, Sammy's my firstborn. She's 20 years old and she's very confident.
She's a confident young woman with bad tattoos.

Speaker 2 And it's just so interesting for me because when I moved to Los Angeles, I started acting when I was 20. So I see so much of her too, except for the whole acting and on the road to fame thing.

Speaker 2 But now I want how, but now I know how my parents felt when I did certain things in my career.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we didn't even have subscription back then. So you can just imagine what she's doing.
You know, Sammy, she's got a good career and some dead eyes. I'm just real proud of her.

Speaker 1 So then we just watch them do their Pilates and it's really hard for Sammy. She's like, oh my God, mom, like, it's like hard to believe that you're not struggling.

Speaker 1 No, she's not struggling. She's been doing this shit for years.
She's a pro. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm meeting with a modeling agency next week.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I think I want to start taking that really seriously instead of OnlyFans. Like once I have another job that I really like, then I would stop it.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, you also could just get a job. It doesn't have to be a modeling job.
I mean, go for it. Hey, if you get signed, then all the power to you.

Speaker 2 But, you know, there's like modeling is not the only option for you outside of OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know. OnlyFans money is a specific kind of money.
Like, that's a lot of money.

Speaker 1 You're not going to make that working at the ice cream shop, and you're not going to make it modeling either. So, what's her last name? Sheen?

Speaker 2 I don't know, to be honest.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think those people working at Van Loon probably earn a pretty penny based on how expensive that money is.

Speaker 1 Does she make on OnlyFans? Let's see. $3 million.

Speaker 1 Sammy Sheen, 20, the daughter of actor Charlie Sheen and actress Denise Richards, has reportedly earned more than 3 million bucks since launching her OnlyFans account after her.

Speaker 2 All right, stay in OnlyFans. Don't even model.
You're not even going to make that money modeling, by the way.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. You're not going to make that money modeling.
That's crazy. Yeah, OnlyFans, it is.
God damn. If there was a market for moobs, I'd be rich, I tell you.
Rich!

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Speaker 1 Have a great day.

Speaker 2 So she's like, yeah, it's just really hard reading all the messages. It's like, it's like a lot.

Speaker 2 It's like, yeah, I was upset for you because I know what it's like starting in this business and having people say certain things. So I wanted to join.

Speaker 2 I just felt like you had, I had to have your back.

Speaker 1 It's amazing. So she's like, well, mom, I was kind of pissed that you made an Olipass.
She's like, I was just trying to support you. She's like, mom, it's weird.

Speaker 1 She goes, no, because I, you know, there were headlines that were like making fun of Sammy. So I was, you know, I was like, I'm going to support my daughter.
And I'll be on OnlyFans 2.

Speaker 1 I mean, what mother wouldn't do that for their child? Am I right?

Speaker 2 Denise Richards, it turns out her, her worldview is Costco. She's like, well, why get one when you can have three? It's like, so dogs, three dogs, three townhouses.

Speaker 2 Like, why is there only one of us on there? There should at least be two of us on there. Let's see if we can get Lola in next.
Oh,

Speaker 1 I love that i wish my mom was like that she's like honey i wanted to support you today

Speaker 1 so i frigged myself on camera for some truck drivers with that i'd be like thanks mom that is so sweet i made sure it was in the news too so don't worry about it so this says in according to denise richards um as of march 29th 2024 denise richards making two million dollars monthly holy mother

Speaker 1 wow

Speaker 2 god that's wild.

Speaker 1 That makes me so gel. Like, why can't I have something to sell for $2 million a month? What the hell?

Speaker 2 Well, you could, Ronnie. Only fans, you could still do it.

Speaker 1 No one's going to pay me that. I wouldn't make $5 on that thing.
They'd pay me to turn my camera off. Maybe that's what I'll do.
I'll just like subject.

Speaker 1 I'll just like start naked and I'll just start putting clothes on the more money I get.

Speaker 2 Do something called accept fans. It's like, here, I'm going to show news to everyone except fans.

Speaker 1 So she's just being supportive, which is really funny. And she's like, Mom, it's really hard explaining to my friends why my mom is on OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 I love that being on OnlyFans isn't embarrassing, but when your mom is on, it is embarrassing. And by the way, I don't have, I don't think there's any shame in going on OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 I just think it's funny that, like, traditionally, the idea of going onto the internet and like getting naked traditionally has been viewed as something like, ah, clutching your pearls.

Speaker 2 But like, she's like, oh, no, I'm fine with that. I just don't want my mother doing it, which is hilarious.

Speaker 1 I was listening to some of the parents in my neighborhood talk, or maybe it was my sister telling me this, but at the school here in Lakeway, there's apparently a mom who has on the back of her car in Carpool, it says, come to my OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 She's like written it on the back of her car as an advertisement for all the dads because it's like some hot mom. So all the dads in the Carpool line go to her OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 I was like, that is so embarrassing for the kid, but also so fucking smart of that mother.

Speaker 2 So smart. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Know your audience. It's the other dads.

Speaker 2 Other dads. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Denise is like, well, you know,

Speaker 2 well, so, so Sammy's like, it's just like really hard to explain this to your friends. She goes, well, I get it.
You have a lot of explain to do with your friends, with both your parents.

Speaker 2 She goes, I really do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But that's why we have a show. And she just looks at the camera like, am I right, Bravo?

Speaker 1 That's why I keep giving us shows. All right.
By the way, I'm out earning you. So stop your bitching.
Okay. I've got three townhouses and a Malibu mansion to pay for.

Speaker 1 So now Denise is seeing Camille. And this is like a different Camille because it's not glammed up Camille at all.
It's just like regular daily Malibu Camille. I've never seen this.

Speaker 1 The Camille in glasses? Weird. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everyday Camille.

Speaker 1 Hi, thank you.

Speaker 2 So good to see you. I'm excited to catch up on you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, Camille and Crammer and I became friends like 20 years ago because our husbands are sitcom actors.

Speaker 1 I mean, we're always up against each other, you know, because he got Fraser, you got two and a half men. So, boom, they became friends.
We became friends. Like, who won here? Who won here?

Speaker 2 And so we have the exes and the housewives together. So, hey, by the way, Camille, how old were you when you moved to Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 Hmm, let's see.

Speaker 2 I moved in 1997, so I was negative five years old. Okay Camille you don't have to

Speaker 2 you don't have to blame you know how old you are.

Speaker 1 Well I think I was like 26 27 when I moved to LA yeah and I married Kelsey and when I was 28 there's a lot of talking.

Speaker 2 I wish there was someone to help me say how old I was.

Speaker 1 You know you moved here when you were 26 but then you married Kelsey when you were 28

Speaker 1 but you know then you were married 14 years but it was so rough on you when you left you know because you were so devastated.

Speaker 2 Devastated.

Speaker 1 You know because your whole world fell apart, right?

Speaker 2 It was

Speaker 1 so upsetting.

Speaker 1 And then the judgment from other people and be made out to be like this awful human. Yeah, I got it.
I got it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we just got tossed to the curb and God, how terrible the curb is.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 So really

Speaker 1 tossed through the curb with like $100 million, it was so hard. It's like, yeah, I'm never getting divorced again.
Even if we hate each other, I'm saying,

Speaker 1 you know how much these fuckers will take from me? They've already got my fucking house. All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not easy being married to me, Aaron. And he's like, no, it's not.
And then she said in, yeah, it's true. But you know, you know, no, I know that.

Speaker 2 I'm not an easy person.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm done. Yeah, I'm never getting divorced again.
Even if we hate each other, I'm not getting fucking divorced. Okay, so deal with it.

Speaker 1 He's like, I mean, look, if you insist on getting 5G again, fine, but we're getting different homes. You know, we'll just do something like that instead.
But we're not going to hate each other.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I don't care if it means that I got big farm on my back for the rest of my life. I am not getting divorced from this man.

Speaker 1 They're so romantic. So Camille's like, by the way, you look just like so gorgeous.
You know, last time I saw you, you were just frazzled coming off a boat in Positano. That was so rough.

Speaker 1 She was like, I know.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I didn't even know where I was.
Fucking Positano. That's right.

Speaker 1 You know, last time I was there was with the housewives. Fuck those bitches.
Am I right?

Speaker 2 And then we cut to her on her trip saying, this has been the worst trip I've ever been on in my entire life. And that is the truth.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 she's like talking about like, yeah,

Speaker 2 your kids were there in Positano.

Speaker 2 That's nice. Well, Lola would not come because her and Sammy are fighting and they're not speaking at all.
Could you believe it?

Speaker 2 She passed up Positano because she's fine with her sister about some of this stupid bits.

Speaker 1 well you know i don't know the details of their fight but sammy's ex-boyfriend lola's remained friends with him or something you know i mean it's

Speaker 1 i think it's lola i think it's lola's ex-boyfriend sammy's been friends with him right no sammy lola has remained sammy's you know i think lola is like the sexier character name right like in damn yankees the um the devil The devil's assistant is Lola, and she seduces people by being sexy.

Speaker 1 So I always think of Lola being the OnlyFans one, but it's not. Sammy's the OnlyFans one, and Lola is like the super Christian-y one.
I mean, the whole show is a mod fuck, am I right? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 So, um, and also Lolita, that too.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 2 just want to add to the case. Um, so Denise is like, well, you know, they're both young, and I'm like, you're not, you're not plenty of stuff to fight about in the future.
It's nothing.

Speaker 2 So, then Sammy tells us, the current beat between me and Lola started when I broke up with not my my last boyfriend, but the one before that.

Speaker 2 Wait, like, sorry, wait, I shouldn't say before him, but like, I shouldn't refer, I shouldn't, I should say before that. I shouldn't, I should say before him, not that.

Speaker 2 It's not nice to refer to men as that.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So Lola's like, I mean, she always thought in her head that I wanted her boyfriend, but I didn't. Oh, yeah, she's going to say that they've always been best friends.
But I introduced them.

Speaker 1 Like, he's one of my best friends. But they were talking about me behind my back.
I mean, she expected me to just drop him because she dropped him, but like, he's still one of my best friends.

Speaker 2 Breaking girl code, if you ask me, I would never do that to a friend, let alone my sister.

Speaker 1 Oh, whatever. You started dating one of her best friends.
She should have been pissed at you for that, for taking her best friend away from her.

Speaker 1 You don't get to like say that she can't be friends with someone anymore, especially since you moved on. Get over it.
Team

Speaker 1 Lola on this one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Team Lola.

Speaker 2 Sneeze's like, well, I'm going to do a family barbecue. And by the way, I haven't even looked at this.

Speaker 2 Look, these are all the rules of Malibu of what we can and can't have at a barbecue in a park in Malibu, right? Oh god, the rules of Malibu.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 It's a dictatorship. I mean, look at this.
Malibu Party Food and Beverage Container Ordinance, otherwise known as Moppufu Buk.

Speaker 1 No balloons, no plastic, no meat or fish trays or egg cartons.

Speaker 1 You can't have meat, fish, or egg cartons?

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 That's odd.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 actually, I think that they can't have the, it's the trays. I guess the trays, there's no plastic.
They want no plastic on those beaches.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought she's saying you can't eat meat. The way she said it, she said, no meat.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 And she's like, that's what I thought at first, too.

Speaker 1 And she's like, well, if I was a five-year-old, I'd be crying my eyes out if I had a birthday party in Malibu with no balloons.

Speaker 1 I mean, God, for Lola, we at least got her some strippers, and they were wearing plastic, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 2 I mean, is chicken considered meat? What the hell can we bring? Yeah, because I thought it was definitely, when I when I heard it first, I thought they said no meat or fish.

Speaker 2 But then reading it back, I was like, oh, it's like no meat or fish trays. Like you can't have the.

Speaker 2 No guest. That's what I say.
Well, I grew up in Illinois, and you can bring whatever the fuck you want to do a picnic back there.

Speaker 1 Illinois, you show up to the picnic, you shoot a fucking cow, you cook it right there with a plastic utensil, all right?

Speaker 2 Fuck this place. You could just leave garbage everywhere because Tornado was going to come by soon and just wipe it all away.

Speaker 1 God's vacuum, we call it.

Speaker 1 So they go to this balloon store, and Camille's like, why are we at a balloon store when the first thing on the list is no balloons?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, we'll find something.

Speaker 2 So she tells this lady, yeah, so we're doing a barbecue in Malibu, you know, hashtag snowflakes, am I right? And the rules are just crazy. I mean, look, this is the material that we could use.

Speaker 2 She's like, okay, well, listen,

Speaker 1 I had a balloon store on the west side of los angeles this is not my first time at the rodeo okay let's see what we can do here you're right because this lady is like i've worked in la in service for a long time so guess what we're gonna do we're gonna treat this like a stupid game okay let's go around all these meaningless laws so they start to and uh denise is like you can bring bamboo forks and knives and straws made out of sugar what the is that gonna do

Speaker 2 It's called eco-partywear. I mean, one of them says 100% natural.
Jeez, motherfucker shit, bullshit.

Speaker 1 I don't even know people in this town that are 100% natural anymore. What the fuck is this?

Speaker 1 Pokey by implants at home, too?

Speaker 2 So Denise is like, I don't think they're going to know that's plastic. I mean, do they even know? What they're going to see is plastic.
They got a plastic police. What if I tell them it's sugar?

Speaker 2 It's a fork made of sugar. Stupid fucking idiots.

Speaker 1 So she gets those forks and knives that are painted with silver so they look like they're actual silver

Speaker 1 and uh she's like you know what screw let's just do this all right do you got bamboo cups or sugar cups or what do we drink out of fucking sugar cups now and come on and she's like yeah you drink and then you eat the cup she's like fuck it we're buying plastic

Speaker 2 actually i've been on an all cup diet for about three weeks now it's really wonderful terrible for my diabetes so

Speaker 2 it's actually inspired by Native American traditions of eating the whole animal, so we just eat the whole cup as long as it's a sugar cup.

Speaker 1 You know, my IPS got way worse when I finished that diet coke can, but, you know, it is what it is.

Speaker 2 So Denise and Aaron arrive at the at a park in Malibu and they're setting up stuff. And Denise is like, you know, when the girls were younger, we would do barbecues at the house every Sunday.

Speaker 2 Just brings everyone together. It'd be the girls, it'd be Charlie, it'd be a line of prostitutes.
Just a fun night for everything.

Speaker 1 Gottinger and his parents there just taking home everything that's not bolted down. His brother stayed there a whole night trying to get the picnic table up.
So that was something.

Speaker 1 So this is their big wacky family all together. And she's like, here's all our bamboo shit, plastic ass plates, bullshit.
How funny your crap out of that.

Speaker 2 I mean, I didn't know if people were watching us. Are they going to arrest us? Who knows?

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 it would be entertaining to get arrested because I bought a plastic fork that I was trying to make look like stainless steel. This is fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 2 All right. Okay.
So people are showing up. So their nephew Al shows up with his wife Lena.
And then his parents, of course, Aaron's parents show up, like you said, with the Tupperware. And then

Speaker 2 it's always been one, you know, I've always been, you know, the more the merrier. You know, that's my, that's my mindset when it comes to barbecues, townhomes, and golden retrievers.

Speaker 2 Okay, so the more, the merrier, everyone, hop on on in.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So Brooke is also there, Charlie's ex-wife, Brooke.
Like they're really a blended family.

Speaker 1 She's like, yeah, you know, I wanted to include Brooke, Charlie's other ex-wife, because, you know, hey, hey, Brooke, I wish you were still at that unit. I rented three of them.
I rented three.

Speaker 1 We could still be in the same unit together. She's like, oh, wow.
Sounds great, Denise.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of history there. I mean, her son is my daughter's brothers, and we're just a big blended family.
Look, here comes Brooke's Gardner. We love him.

Speaker 2 we he does great work we never hired him but we just it's a big family we well oh wait also everyone this is uh this is Saul he works at the Hurts down by LAX used him once about you know two years ago I just want to make sure everyone's involved

Speaker 1 hey where's lol at so lola comes late and makes a plate and uh so Al the husband not the husband the uncle who's all you know tatted from head to toe you know like his face is like a dollar sign or something he's like so what's going on with you guys And she's like, um, what with who?

Speaker 1 With Sammy? He's like, yeah, like, you guys are beefing over a dude. She goes, I mean, she can just not let it go.
Turn the other cheek. Am I right?

Speaker 2 So then Denise goes up to Brooke. She's like, Brooke, Brookey, my way, I love your hair.
She's like, yeah, I went blonder right. Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 2 So by the way, the reason why I wanted to do a family environment is because Sam and Lol have not spoken for a long time and they were always really close.

Speaker 2 And then a year ago, we saw that they like love each other.

Speaker 1 They like, she's like yeah like we're really close like i don't like i don't think we even want to admit it yeah she like calls me like eight times a day yeah i think we're just like always gonna be that way like we're like very very very close like no matter what happens i know my sister's gonna come in and draw eyebrows on me because it looks like you don't have any eyebrows because in the clip she lola had done that thing where she bleached her eyebrows that is a look i'm sorry i could just not ever get behind that look that never some looks like people do and i don't get it because i'm just like old and out of it but then I get used to it you know this look I just can't every time I see someone with that I'm like who tricked you into doing that why would you do that

Speaker 2 yeah seriously

Speaker 2 so um

Speaker 2 so Brooke is like uh she's like well I don't know what it is about siblings because sometimes just being complete opposites you know Bob is more of an introvert like Charlie and Max needs a playmate and wants to do something well I don't know who these names are that you're just talking about but I'm glad he came to the picnic no plastic by the way

Speaker 1 they're my children Denise. Are they made out of meat? Because they're not allowed on this fucking park.

Speaker 2 Watch out. The dictator of Malibu is going to arrest you for having kids with legs.

Speaker 1 So Al is talking to Aaron, and he's having like that manly talk where he's like, wow, as a man that's in the same family as me, like us men don't really have any say with these women, these women folk.

Speaker 1 And Aaron's like, oh, you found that out, did you? Why do you think I'm standing over here by myself putting lids back on food? Okay. You're fucking welcome.
welcome to being a man.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 sorry, go ahead. So then Denise is talking to Eloise and being like, hey, did you see there's a squirrel?

Speaker 2 And then Denise is like, you know, this is the longest day of those my daughters have gone through something like this. I think they just need to be done with it.

Speaker 2 So she sits them down at a picnic table. She's like, okay, girls, we need to work through this.

Speaker 2 Okay, we've got, as far as I can see, about 10 minutes before the Malibu police crack down on this plastic parade. So come on, let's hash it out.

Speaker 1 Well, it would only be successful if someone here was capable of holding themselves accountable. But I think, like, also, she can not cuss me out and like be respectful.
Um, yeah, can you do that?

Speaker 1 Can you not cuss her out and be respectful? Um,

Speaker 1 the way you speak to me is like so rude.

Speaker 2 It's like, well, I wouldn't speak to you like this if you weren't such a bitch, dude. Okay, well, don't call her dude, she's your sister.
I want you guys to replay her relationship.

Speaker 1 well I don't want to do that oh it's like I don't want to do that because like why do you have to force it mom

Speaker 1 I'm not forcing anything I'm just trying to make something happen okay

Speaker 1 mom's always on Sammy's side

Speaker 2 yeah Lola says some crazy shit and I feel like she always gets away with it because she's like little sister I mean it's just like two against one all the time I just feel like I'm just still holding a grudge against that

Speaker 1 so it's like oh my god guys I'm really into this but the chain of my purse is stuck in this goddamn picnic table table.

Speaker 1 I can't get it out of the, oh, God, it's Aaron's mother under the picnic table holding on to the chain. Let go of my purse, you old bag.
You already got my fucking house.

Speaker 2 All right. Denise has a knife, and she's just shoving in there trying to get this purse free from saying, okay, what? Listen, you're dumb, you're dumb.
You're both dumb. You're two young twits.

Speaker 2 Now stop fighting because I got a purse stuck in the slats.

Speaker 1 So they're like, we're just one big happy family. All right, you guys just keep talking.
All right. You guys,

Speaker 1 all we need to do is you keep talking. Jesus Christ, God.
Do I worry that my parenting has fucked up my kids? Of course, I do,

Speaker 1 you know. But you and your sister are gonna get through it.
It's like, no, we're not, mother. No, we're not.
It's like, all right, can we just say fuck it and move on? God,

Speaker 2 let's just like move past the question. Okay, well, I think I just made it worse.

Speaker 1 Ha, ha, ha.

Speaker 2 And scene.

Speaker 1 Commercials.

Speaker 1 Here comes one right now.

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Speaker 1 Now episode two,

Speaker 1 spelling it all out.

Speaker 1 Doom toom tour.

Speaker 2 Get it, Kastori's spelling is on the episode. Executive producer Lisa Vanderpump Magic.

Speaker 1 We open with Lola and Denise being interviewed. Lola, have you seen any of your mom's past work? Well, I mean, I saw one movie.
It was called Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Speaker 1 Wait, yeah, that's the only movie you've seen of mine. I mean, come on.
Yeah. Really? But you never watched, let me watch any of them, mom.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you're older now.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, until I got older, but now I just, I don't it on and I want to watch it.

Speaker 2 So you don't want to watch? It's like, it's like weird.

Speaker 1 I like watching the stuff you do, but

Speaker 2 you know, I was a bond girl. That's like the most exciting thing that ever happened to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I don't even know what that means. Is that like gold bond? Like, what does bond mean? I don't know what this is.
I'm really into Jesus now. I'm not watching your movies.
God damn it.

Speaker 1 So now we go to the studio and she's like, oh, shit, balls. God, just working out feels good, though.
They're doing that thing where they're like, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like they're having harder, but they're working out, guys. Oh, my God.
I fall for it every time. I always think they're having sex.

Speaker 1 She's like, I remember Erica, Jean. She touched your lats when we were at a premiere.
Do you remember that? And she was like, Aaron, you got really good lats.

Speaker 1 That was before she accused you of being abusive or whatever. You remember that, honey? He's like, I don't remember.
I cut those people out, fucking chopped them in half. Fuck those people.

Speaker 2 Well, I wouldn't remember if it were me. I mean, I was actually impressed she pointed out your lats.
I I mean, I'm just trying to get mad at Erica a little bit here. You want to join in a little bit?

Speaker 2 Do I have good lats? All right, we'll talk about your lats instead. Yeah, you've got amazing lats.
Thanks.

Speaker 1 He's like, well,

Speaker 1 what'd you notice when we started dating? She's like, you're a dick. You're a big dick.
You got a huge dick. I saw it through your pants.

Speaker 2 The first thing I saw, the first thing I was like, wait, that bothers you, Aaron? Are you really upset that you got a huge motherfucking hedgehog down there?

Speaker 2 He's like, no, no, it's just, it doesn't bother me.

Speaker 2 It's just like, well, what would you rather me say, you know know what the thing that i didn't notice was a small ass penis come on okay beggars can't be choosers be happy

Speaker 1 now you got me thinking about your penis great i forgot what i was even talking about geez oh

Speaker 1 so um she's like you know basically they just work out so then we are everybody laughing at

Speaker 2 the noise he made but oh

Speaker 1 Denise's voice is so funny to me.

Speaker 1 So now they're still talking about the daughters fighting. And she's like i think i made it worse like what do i do now he's like what about ai

Speaker 1 oh sorry what about al

Speaker 1 well actually a ai would probably be better

Speaker 2 yeah um so we see a flashback to the picnic and uh oh we already saw that and so denise is like well my nephew al he's kind of like a big brother to the girls he lived with me on and off for a few years ago you know i think he'd be great because al you know he's been through a lot of shit you know you know he's struggled with drug addiction on and off for quite a few years.

Speaker 2 So he fits right in. And this is the longest stretch I have seen him really clean and healthy.
It's, you know, I'm proud of him.

Speaker 2 I'm looking forward to him getting another Hello Kitty tattoo on his cheek.

Speaker 1 You know, I really love Al.

Speaker 1 One time, he stole a bunch of my handbags and he was dumb enough to post it on Instagram and to say, I'm the new Louis Vuitton rep. I mean, what a fucking idiot.
God, I love that kid.

Speaker 2 God, I was so mad. I was so mad at him.
I actually, I actually went and drove down to all these different pawn shops and found my handbags But you know

Speaker 2 it's just stuff It's just friends, you know, and that's you know, but at the same time though when you when you find your bag in a pawn shop you spend all that effort and then it gets only for it to get stuck into a slat in a picnic table You're gonna get out a knife and fix that thing.

Speaker 2 That's why you have to bring plastic because guess what a sugar cane knife is not gonna free your handbag from a slat Family's family and they start laughing.

Speaker 1 So he's like is it hot in here? Because I'm fucking sweating my balls off She goes babe It's can I see you sweating your balls off

Speaker 1 And now we see Tori spelling at lunch with Denise.

Speaker 2 Tori spelling, so excited to be back on TV. You know she is because she comes bounding into this restaurant.
She's like, I'm here. I'm here.
Put me on TV. I'm ready.

Speaker 2 She's like, oh, hey, what's going on? You look good. Really? I'm trying on a Dorit face.
Oh, yeah. No, I really like the way it looks on you.

Speaker 1 Well, I hope you don't mind, but I have to make this kind of quick. I'm double parked in the van that me and the kids are living in outside.
So let's just get some appetizers.

Speaker 1 Also, can we get some chips to go?

Speaker 1 Real quickly, this is, there are no flat tops here.

Speaker 2 Cause, you know, I'm a little traumatized from Benny Hana. No, don't worry.
And if you ever, there were one, we'd make sure to put a seatbelt on you. Oh, thank God.

Speaker 1 Tor Tori's spelling. I think of

Speaker 1 that headline, Tori spelling, falling into the grill at Benny Hana every time I see Tori spelling.

Speaker 2 Every time. That must have been awful.
Truly awful. But it is also hilarious

Speaker 2 from from a macro point of view. So the first time I met Tori was on Beverly Hills 900210 and then Tori and I would just see each other at different events or shoots that we had.

Speaker 2 We actually got to know each other. I would say in the last 15 years.

Speaker 2 Just so you know, there's about probably six more episodes of this series to come. And every day, every episode, I'm going to introduce someone with the exact same backstory.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you know, I met them about 20 years ago and we just see each other around. Now we're friends.

Speaker 2 Two for two so far.

Speaker 1 So the waiter's like, okay, so what can I get you? And she goes, do you have have bread? Her spelling's like, do you have bread? He goes, would you like garlic bread on it?

Speaker 1 She goes, no, because I might see a boy in the next year. Just bring bread.
Do you have loaves of bread? Put that in there. Also, you see that double parked van out there?

Speaker 1 Just kind of slip it through the cracked window.

Speaker 2 It just slies it real thin.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you're single now and you have a date? She's like, no. Oh, well, I think your divorce came at a great time.
Yeah, it was the right time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so Denise is like, yeah, Aaron's the only person I've ever been with that can screw a fucking light bulb in. God damn, you know? And so they're laughing.
And

Speaker 1 Tori's like, yeah, I can't imagine Charlie trying to put in a light bulb. Like, how many hookers does it take to get a light bulb in? Right?

Speaker 2 It actually takes three.

Speaker 2 We know the answer to that, unfortunately. By the way, I think it was a little bit more.
I think I was a little bit more handy than Charlie was. I mean, he's a fucking pussy.

Speaker 2 He's the one who wants those sugar cane knives. You know, I grew up with my father who could build houses.
You know, by the way, how is your dad? Oh, he's good.

Speaker 1 He's good.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell him you said hi. You know, you know, that a hairdresser a long time ago wanted to set my dad up with your mom.
Can you imagine candy and daddy together?

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Zach, I know she heard that.
So he's still banned pretty much from the town. So I hope you get to see your dad again soon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's still, he's still on a no-fly list, but you know, he was too intimidated to ask her out. She's like, oh my God, that's how I feel.
And I'm like asking for help with rent.

Speaker 1 I gotta. She's a terrifying

Speaker 2 You know what'd be fun is if your dad marries my mom, then you would probably get my inheritance instead. That's fun.
That's fun.

Speaker 1 Probably Candy would be like, oh, my God, welcome to the family, darling. Here's all of Tori's money.

Speaker 2 I'm like, dad, please. I mean, how are we with that baby? We could be stepsisters, you and me.
She's like, oh, my God, that's a show. We could be stepsisters.

Speaker 2 And I do like a little graphic, jokey thing. And Tori's like, no, no.
No, I want this to be a show. Can we make this happen? This could be my way back

Speaker 1 yeah I'm back girls I'm back so it's like here's your new single life all right meeting someone with a big penis you can have fun with oh I had anal sex too I listened to your podcast you talked about anal sex

Speaker 2 Oh my god, I didn't even mean to start it on the podcast. You know, I was talking about anal sex with William Shatner, as one does.

Speaker 2 And I mean, his voice was just saying something like, oh, and you touch the glitters. And I was like, whoa, this is mind-boggling.

Speaker 2 but i am so here for it so now anytime i get anal sex i only think of william shatner it's so hot

Speaker 1 and then you look at the comments she goes oh god don't look at the comments she should know better than that she goes i can't help it you know they're like your daughters are gonna read this oh come on yeah it's a good thing that's why i didn't teach my kids to read you know

Speaker 2 That's the thing. You just have kids that are wildly illiterate.
You don't have to worry about this bullshit.

Speaker 2 You know, when we were on the tabloids you know back you know back in the back in the 15 and 20 years ago days when we were on that we were on the tabloids the girls were too young to even read them and i just wanted our home to be a sanctuary which is why i installed three sex swings in every single room but you know now that they're older you know when they'll look back and be like wow mom she was her true authentic self and i really applaud her for that and i'm sure that my two daughters as we've seen who are very introspective are definitely going to say that about me someday.

Speaker 1 And you know, they're getting older and they're like, mom, why didn't you tell me this? And I say, Well, what am I gonna say? You girls are young, you know, what am I supposed to tell you the truth?

Speaker 1 Come on,

Speaker 2 by the way, I'm excited for your new show. I was kind of like, Hey, how come she hasn't asked me to be on there? Does she even want me to be in there?

Speaker 1 Oh my god, will you come on my podcast?

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course I will. Thanks for asking me.
I just have to twist your arm, stupid fucking friend.

Speaker 1 So she's like, I'm jealous of you, and it's true because I was on and off with Pat Multoon. You know, actually, I call him, and at the same time, she goes, Sweet babe.

Speaker 1 And she goes, yeah, I call him fuckface. She says, you call him fuckface? No, I call him sweet babe.
That's hilarious. Let's call him.
Let's call him.

Speaker 2 You know what America?

Speaker 2 You know what America calls him?

Speaker 1 Who?

Speaker 2 That's a little joke I have, my daughter's. Patrick Mulhoon.

Speaker 1 Get it?

Speaker 1 So he was so fucking hot. Oh, my God.
Patrick Muldoon was the hottest guy.

Speaker 2 Patrick Muldoon is like, you know how sometimes you hear people talk about hot people in the 70s? Like they'll be like, oh, this person, like Lafay Garrett or whatever.

Speaker 2 And you're like, I've heard about this person, but I don't really understand their cultural impact. Patrick Muldoon is like that.
Whereas he didn't really have...

Speaker 2 You really only know about him if you were around in the 90s, right? And like, if you were post-90s, you have no idea who Patrick Muldoon is.

Speaker 2 But if you were around in the 90s, Patrick Muldoon was so fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was so cute. I knew him because I would skip school and go watch Days of Our Lives at my Sithi's house, my grandmother's house.

Speaker 1 And they would always be watching the NBC soaps, which were days of our lives and another world and then sometimes sunset beach you know when those other ones came on or passions but uh those were my main ones days of our lives and another world and lisa rena was on there she came on playing billy the role of billy and patrick muldoon was her brother and oh my god he was so

Speaker 2 hot they never found another uh guy as hot as him to play that there was this whole world of these hot actors who were on like soaps and baywatch and things like that that, or like they were on syndicated shows, like you know, that would be on at like 11:30 at night or something.

Speaker 2 And it was like Patrick Muldoon, it was David Chokachi, it was the other David from Baywatch, Shavetre, or something like that.

Speaker 2 There were just all, and then they're all those guys that were on passions.

Speaker 2 Uh, the guys on passions, and there were some Davids of Our Lives guys, oh, they were just, and they're all these just like this tier of soap soap stars or like bit players on 90s, like on like Melrose Plays for 9020 that just kind of stayed in that realm and then the 2000s came and I don't know what happened to them maybe they all do hallmark movies now but to know them is to love them yeah they're good hotness so they call Patrick and she's like sweet babe I'm here with Tori and Tori's like oh she doesn't believe the name we call each other can you tell her he's like fuck face like yeah

Speaker 1 I told her I was so jealous because you and I were hooking up and whatever the fuck and you know you told me at one point you couldn't do it anymore because you were dating Tori I mean what the fuck right

Speaker 2 he's like you know T I don't really remember the 90s but I remember both of you but outside of that I don't remember what

Speaker 1 okay all right well we love it like the only time you're you're remembering that's when you need to pay attention

Speaker 2 Tori's like, I feel validated that you said that we dated. We did on my part, but I don't think that I didn't think that you felt that way about me.
He's like, yeah, I love you.

Speaker 1 I don't know who's calling, by the way.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 bye bye my my sweet face or whatever your name is and tori's like that was life-changing like a man stopped dating denise richards for me oh my god you're really fucking rich in tori i also forgot

Speaker 1 pre pre-daddy pre-daddy down

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 2 Tori's like, I always wanted a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but I'm fine with this.

Speaker 2 But also, this was my way, now that I'm on this platform, for a few seconds, to say, could I please have a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame, please? Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, that bus has left the station. God, it's an easy thing.
There's a bus sitting over there. That's my car.
My kids are in there. Oh, shit.
Let's go get it.

Speaker 2 I did hear there was some talk about adding a Walk of Fame to the bus station, though, and I will accept a star there as well. Port Authority, call me.

Speaker 1 So now we get an intercut scene of the kids, what the kids are doing.

Speaker 1 So over at Sammy's apartment, Sammy's like loose living friend Leah comes, and she's in like a glitter bikini, and she's like, Oh my god, I feel like we're always late for raves, me and you.

Speaker 1 She's like, Yeah, we could, like, we'd like only have like 20 minutes to get ready. I mean, how long does it take to put on a fucking glitter bikini? Am I right?

Speaker 2 And you know what they say about raves? You always have to be on time for a rave. I mean, talk.
I mean, that is one place where tardiness is not allowed. A rave.

Speaker 1 They're like, sorry, we can't let you in. Okay, you're too late.
We demand responsibility.

Speaker 2 Follow all the rules at a rave.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Lola's house, she's got her friends Riley and Nick coming over. And everybody's very Christian and I think very new Christian because they all look like they've just been drugged.
They're like, huh.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like so wonderful to see you, man. You're like, there's like an aura of the Lord shining around you right now.

Speaker 2 And we don't really even know that they're super Christian at this point. They just seem like gentle folk.

Speaker 2 And so Sammy's like, oh my God, we're putting on black lipstick because we don't want to be late for the rave. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Coleros alerts.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 Okay, what are the alerts? It's like, okay, code green if someone's yakking. Yeah.
No, cone green is weed. Oh, okay.
What's code? What's yakking color? Um, color.

Speaker 2 Uh, code ochre. Okay, code ochre.
And code green is if it's a weed smell. Oh my god.
No, code red is vomit. Ew, vomit, ew, gross.

Speaker 1 Hey, do you guys want some water?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't need no water. Thank you.
Back to Sammy. Oh, fuck.
We should have brought Narcan.

Speaker 1 The fuck, man. And Sammy's like, don't worry, they've got Narcan there.

Speaker 2 And then we went back to the town.

Speaker 1 Lola goes, so I had a talk with Sammy and she's like, not going to see me the way I see her without the Lord. And like, working on her heart.
I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 2 She's a, she's a teenage born again in Hollywood. God is.

Speaker 2 But she's not only like a born again, she's all, she's like a born again, born again, born again.

Speaker 2 Like there's been like births within births within births of born again because she is talking about she starts from this point on she's talking about nothing but the Lord.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and she's like super LA born again, too, because I saw a clip or a news thing the other day when I was looking for crappy hour stories, and it was like, uh, Lola, Denise's daughter, has been baptized in a private ceremony.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, really? If there's a if it's a private ceremony, why do you guys have

Speaker 1 like fucking professional pictures from 10 different angles? And it's like this big, clear vat of water. It's like, it's very Hollywood, the whole thing.
I was cracking up.

Speaker 1 I was like, they didn't have to do it how we did it. Or I did it.
They just take you out to the fucking Rio Grande, hold you by the ankles, and shove you under.

Speaker 1 They don't really. I think I was down in a fountain.
Like a, they had like a little church.

Speaker 1 So Lola is like, you know, a lot of people say it's surprising that I'm a woman of God, but I actually saw an article that said Lola, an apple that fell, an apple that fell far from the tree or something.

Speaker 1 But it's like sometimes I get like super amped up when I'm talking to my mom and Sammy. So I called my dad for a while and he like really helped me.
He's like so good at like helping my brain.

Speaker 1 Because like, I don't know, he's so logical. Famously, Charlie Sheen, logical.
You know, my dad, like, he would help me a lot with Christianity. You know, Jesus had hookers for friends too.

Speaker 2 Cut back to their girls. Like, is this lip? Is this supposed to

Speaker 2 burn? Is this lipstick supposed to burn? Because my lips are burning up so badly right now. God, fuck this shit.

Speaker 1 Back to her. She's like, super just like so different from each other.
I mean, like, how cool? How cool is this trainer, you guys? Like, I have a strainer.

Speaker 1 That was my favorite cutaway.

Speaker 2 When Sammy's like, okay, are you ready to go to the rave?

Speaker 1 Guys, how cool is this trainer?

Speaker 2 Because I I know I would be that person saying, guys, check out this trainer because I still do that.

Speaker 1 And they're both saying, all we have in common is our parents. It's like, dun, dun, dum.

Speaker 1 So next, like, so what'd you do today, Lola? Well, I woke up. Okay, that's a good start.
And then I talked to the Lord. And all day, I woke up and I'm like, I'm going to go to the beach.

Speaker 1 But it was so gloomy, but I was so upset. Because I swear God told me to go

Speaker 1 So I did and then I saw this couple and they were having the prettiest light-up picnic So I think God was telling me I'm gonna have that someday That was my sign that I got from Jesus today

Speaker 2 You know what you also learned a valuable lesson, which is that just because God tells you to go to the beach doesn't mean that he's guaranteeing the weather, okay?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 there'll be clouds, okay? You should appreciate relationships, too. Yeah, by the way, appreciate the beach whether it's sunny or not, okay? It's the beach.

Speaker 2 I love that she's like, I could have sworn God told me to come here. She's literally acting like she made plans with her friend to have coffee, and it was like a Tuesday and not a Thursday.

Speaker 2 I could have sworn today was the day we're going to meet.

Speaker 1 I also love her version of God. She's like, God, what do you want from me? He's like, go to the beach.
You know what? Let me tell you what the world is doing right now. Taking care of itself.

Speaker 1 Not a fucking problem in the world. Just go chill at the beach.
You're too gorgeous. Don't do anything for poor people.
But I think go to the beach.

Speaker 1 Get a strainer. Get a new strainer.
Okay. You're drinking too much pulp.

Speaker 1 She is going to be the person that says, oh, sorry, I'm late for my shift at the restaurant. Just God told me that I should probably sleep in an extra half an hour.

Speaker 1 So Denise is like, oh, Jesus, I was the one who fucking raised you Catholic. Why are you acting like you just found God? I mean, geez, your sister went one way and you went this way.

Speaker 1 But I took you to the spot. Okay, I took you to the spot.

Speaker 2 God damn. So then Leah and Sammy, now they like do like a photo shoot outside because it's like a pre-read photo shoot.

Speaker 2 And Sammy's like, I would say in the past year, religion has been like very, very important to Lola. And let me just also add, ugh.
So Lola's like, yeah, God understands me.

Speaker 1 And that's like all that matters, really. Except that like, it would be cool if he told me what the weather was before I went all the way out to the beach.
But like, it's okay. It's cool.

Speaker 1 And her friends are like, yeah, man. That's so great.
She's like, yeah. And he has my back.
He's like my armor. Ow! I just got stung by a mosquito, but I'm not going to be a doubter about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just like a woman of God.

Speaker 2 And so then Sammy's like, people who haven't been to a rave don't realize that like what I'm wearing right now, this is like actually like too much clothes. And Leah's like, yeah, it's modest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Leah, don't talk. It's my show.
Okay, we've seen a butthole out, nips out. I feel like this is like conservative.

Speaker 1 Thank you much, Jesus, for my beautiful friends for being able to come over here and eat tacos on Taco Tuesday. And then they just stand there over the counter, awkwardly eating eating these tacos.

Speaker 1 Like, ask God for a table. Go sit down.

Speaker 1 Dear God, thanks for naming tacos tacos. So that way when you have, when you eat them on Tuesday, it's like a fun thing to say taco Tuesday.
Thanks, God.

Speaker 1 Thank you for giving us a day of the week with a hard tea.

Speaker 1 Thank you for giving us a day of the week where it's more fun to eat tacos. Because like on Thursday, technically they're both teas, but it like doesn't hit the same because like it's not a hard tea.

Speaker 1 Thanks so much, God.

Speaker 1 I am dead. And then cut back to the other girls taking like pictures in their bikinis on the balcony.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Amen.

Speaker 1 So then we see Sammy going to meet up with Al. Oh, no, she's just driving and Al calls her.
He's like, what's up, beautiful? That's also very LA. Everybody that you talk to is like, hey, beautiful.

Speaker 1 Hey, beautiful. Hey, beautiful.
Hey, beautiful. That's all Al ever says before he fucking steals your entire closet.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 he's calling them both, and Al's like, so I just talked to your mom.

Speaker 2 It's kind of why I'm calling. Do you guys happen to have that handbag I sold you when I was a quote-unquote Louis Vuitton rep? Yeah, your mom's still pretty mad at me about that.

Speaker 2 Anyway, but I also heard like what's going on with you guys together and like, I don't know, I want to get you guys back together. You open to that?

Speaker 2 And Sammy's like, I mean, I'm just warning you, like, it might turn into a huge fight.

Speaker 1 So I don't know.

Speaker 1 So the girls agree to go. And meanwhile, Denise does a podcast sesh with Tori Spelling, who's doing her podcast from a bed, which is very popular now.
A lot of people are doing that. Bed podcasts.

Speaker 2 Well, you know who really, you know who really was a pioneer in terms of bed content? No, Tad.

Speaker 1 What? No, you know who was a pioneer of the fucking bed podcast? Ronnie Carom.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when I bought that hospital bed that goes, well, they're called adjustable beds, but at the time I called it a hospital bed and it went up and down.

Speaker 1 And I bought a mic stand to come over the bed and it would come into my face in the bed. And then I had like a whole iPad on a hospital table that I could swivel to and from me.

Speaker 1 I did watch what crappens from bed for like a long time.

Speaker 2 Don't you remember? That was great work. I was going, I was personally going to...
Do a call back to when Padma and Nigella Lawson got into a bed and had chefs serve them in Vegas.

Speaker 2 Like, please bring us breakfast. This is stupid.
And she throws the omelette at the wall.

Speaker 1 Oh, they wish they attached, they even attempted my glamour in my bed. This is a pretty glamorous time for watching what crapons, guys.

Speaker 1 So now Denise is going to do this podcast and they're hugging and stuff.

Speaker 1 And Tori's like, yeah, it's in bed because, like, my first episode, I was announcing my divorce, and I was just like so nervous. And I sat on the bed and I was like, let's just do it here.

Speaker 1 Also, there weren't really any other rooms or chairs because

Speaker 2 okay, we don't do any intros for the show. We'll just start talking

Speaker 2 because my kids are out in that van. So anything that we don't have to include, we'll just, we just need to like get back to that van.
So she's like,

Speaker 2 hi, Ani, how are you doing? Can we talk about OnlyFans? Yeah, okay, well, I thought you were going to fucking join it, by the way. Why didn't you join OnlyFans?

Speaker 2 I mean, like, what the fuck are you waiting for, Tori?

Speaker 1 She's like, well, they have a moratorium on people who have fallen into hibachi grills. I don't know.
It's unfair, but it's just something you deal with in the industry.

Speaker 1 As a hibachi person, you deal with it. You know, you get used to it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm working out a deal with OnlyGrills.

Speaker 2 That's just sort of a spin-off thing.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I don't give a fuck. I went into OnlyFans.
You know why? You want to see my tits? They're already out there. Google'em.
You know what I mean? You're going to pay me money.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've done Playboy. All right.
So my tits are there. Your tits are out there, right, Tori? She's like,

Speaker 1 no, they're not. Ah, poor thing.
Well, you know, someone will ask one day don't worry Hugh Efner's still with us am I right no he's

Speaker 1 oh my god Hugh you

Speaker 2 so uh have you had sex in Steam by the way she's like um you don't have to answer that well I mean you can answer you cut it out afterwards if you don't want it out there am I right rib rib rib hey let's call up fuckface again that's what you call them right I call them smooth dunes

Speaker 1 and Tori's like I did and Denise goes I love that she's open and honest I was like oh yeah dig Dig a kyle. And no matter what the circumstances are, you know, it's not easy going through a divorce.

Speaker 1 All right. Like, Aaron and I went to dinner with you guys, and that wasn't long after.
She goes, that was our last date was with you and Aaron. You know, Aaron told Dean about the whole 5G conspiracy.

Speaker 1 I refused to get rid of my Verizon plan and Dean left. So

Speaker 1 thanks. It was tough.
Thanks for that.

Speaker 2 And you still didn't put your tits out there? Geez. Well, it's hard enough going through divorce, no matter who you are.

Speaker 2 But Charlie and I went notoriously went through one of the most public Hollywood divorces, which is my way of saying, Tori, you better buck up because you didn't go through the rodeo that I did.

Speaker 2 Okay, I was on the cover of a tabloid for two years straight every single fucking month. Tori's like,

Speaker 1 oh, my dream.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, well, I don't, I know there's not a lot of tabloids now, but back then they were a lot.

Speaker 1 But it was, it was not easy, Tori.

Speaker 2 Why are you crying right now?

Speaker 1 Why are you crying?

Speaker 1 Tori's like, okay, before you leave, we're going to play a game where we all leave the host $20.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Now we go to Neptune's Net, which is home of where Jax proposed to Brittany, also a Krapens listener. I believe one of the people who works there is a Krapens listener.

Speaker 2 And so we have Al, who's there, and he's like,

Speaker 2 you know, Lena, my wife, I'm not worried about talking to them, their sisters. They're going to figure it out.

Speaker 2 But if we can lead a horse to water, I'm pretty sure the horse can also lead us to some handbags. So keep an eye on that horse.

Speaker 1 Listen, if all goes to shit, we know at least one of these girls is going to have the code to Denise's house. We need to keep on the good signs.
All right. Let's make them talk.

Speaker 1 So the girls come and they make small talk. And Al's like, all right, let me just break this off.
You guys, you know, I love you guys. You're both beautiful.

Speaker 1 You know, I did say hi, beautiful to you both. I meant it.
It's great to have you together. Who wants fried shrimp? And Lena's like, yeah, like finding a resolution right now.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know what? We just want to like find where you're comfortable. And that's where it's at, guys.
That's like where it's at.

Speaker 2 So he's like, okay, do you not, Lola, do you not agree that you love your sister and you just want her to treat you in a different way?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I've told her that. I love her a lot.
Like, and I wish she would just like talk to me.

Speaker 2 She's like, Sammy's like, okay, like, why are you saying that to Al? I'm like, it's right here.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so they start doing their like girl fighting. They're like, oh my God, why are you so mean to me? Why are you mean to me? Why are you mean to me? Why are you mean to me? But why?

Speaker 1 And so they start fighting about the guy.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she's like, well, look, you came to my friend group and you took my friend and dated him for a year. And I wasn't allowed to talk to him.

Speaker 1 And that affected our relationship because, like, you got jealous all the time when he would talk to me. And that was my friendship before you even dated.

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I wasn't comfortable with you being touchy with him. She's like, but

Speaker 1 you guys were flirty. There's a line.
She's like, I would never be touchy with anybody. That's just not who I am.

Speaker 1 Unless the Lord told me to. Like, maybe you tell me to go to the beach and then, like, I can touch someone.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Sam's like, are you going to like hang out with him, though?

Speaker 1 She's like, well, when all my friends are hanging out with him, like, what do you want me to do? Like, run away when he's like there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I literally want you to run away. She's like, I asked her if she could stop hanging out with my ex because I thought that was really weird.
And then she chose him over me and still does.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would too.

Speaker 1 She's right. Sammy seems like a brain.
She's already on record, but I think she's full of shit on this one. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 So then Al's like, okay, pause. And Lena's like, in the spirit of like getting past all of this like bullshit, right?

Speaker 1 I know you guys are both hurt, but we need to come to some sort of like conclusion. Okay.
Okay, guys. Let's do that.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just gonna say this.

Speaker 1 I didn't intentionally mean to actually hurt you because like I really do love you and I know that like right now you don't feel that way because you're hurt by me and I'm genuinely sorry, but I don't want to make you feel like you're unworthy because that's not how that's how I am.

Speaker 1 That's not how I am. That's not how God would want me to make someone feel.
So I'm sorry. Oh, God.
And she's like, okay, well, I appreciate you apologizing.

Speaker 1 And like, I'm sorry for saying things that have hurt your feelings. And have you seen my Narcon? Because I need that.
Like, I need that. It was in my lipstick.
Have you seen it?

Speaker 1 Okay, well, we'll keep it.

Speaker 2 She's like, we'll keep it civil. And, you know, it'll just take me a very, very, very, very, very long time to actually be able to like truly want to be best friends again.

Speaker 2 She's like, me me too so they shake hands and al's like well at least you guys are working on it like i love you i love you

Speaker 1 well and lola's like well i sort of hope that we can work it out because she said i love you and i don't think she's ever said that before like oh my god this poor kid has probably been in this completely nuts family and always had to be the one to apologize and she's probably never done anything wrong she's like the good kid and they just like treat her like a little punching bag team yeah team lola as odd as she is.

Speaker 2 Team Lola, unless we find out that that boyfriend was really actually very, very horrific and Lola should be standing up for her sister. But for right now, Team Lola, my instinct says Lola.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too. All right, everybody.
Well, thanks so much for being with us today. I don't know if

Speaker 1 we're going to cover this on the full or not. Tell us, if you want to

Speaker 1 know, give us your opinion.

Speaker 2 What do you think? It was pleasant enough doing it, but I wouldn't say it was the most compelling TV for me.

Speaker 1 But, you know, if you guys like it, we'll do it. I don't know if we'll keep covering it, but we will definitely keep watching.
I will definitely keep watching it because, you know,

Speaker 1 I like the people on it and it is Bravo, which is what I'm doing. By the way,

Speaker 2 I want to say something that I saw that was so random during Beverly Hills. I think it was Beverly Hills.
Actually, maybe it was during their show. I don't remember which show I was watching.

Speaker 2 I think it was Beverly Hills. There was a commercial where Darit and Jen Yeo from Sold on SLC

Speaker 2 were driving. I haven't seen this commercial yet.
And I just thought it was so funny because, like, how did Jen Yeo get a commercial with one of Bravo's big stars?

Speaker 2 I mean, Jen Yeo is on a show that no one talks about. We love it.
But like, was Bravo kind of like, yeah, this show's going to be huge. We're telling you right now, book her for your commercial.

Speaker 2 And then it just didn't work out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was during that when that commercial came out. It was during sold on SLC.
So it made a little more sense because it was a commercial during SLC.

Speaker 2 I didn't, I never saw it. So seeing it now, I was like, it's just kind of funny.
They're like, oh my God, it's Jen Yeo.

Speaker 1 And you know, the audience is like, who yeah and Dorita's like look at me looking for a house in Salt Lake City you know I mean Pika is constantly licking the salt out of everything so hopefully we can find a house here to live but I want your car and steam

Speaker 2 all right everyone thanks for listening and we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crap Ins. Bye everyone.

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Speaker 2 Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

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Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

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Speaker 1 We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Speaker 2 Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.

Speaker 1 Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Speaker 2 Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.

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Speaker 2 Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

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She's a little bit loony, Junie. My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

Speaker 1 She gets an A, it's Kelly B.

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Rose.

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Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's take off with Tam Laplain.

Speaker 1 She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

Speaker 1 We love you guys.

Speaker 1 If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey. Picture this.

Speaker 6 You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange. The horizon doesn't look right.
At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 6 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 6 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 6 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 6 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 6 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.