#2745 Southern Charm S10E12 Garsh Expectations on Shudder Island

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Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we'd love to talk about on ye old braves. Happy Friday, everybody.

Speaker 1 I'm Ronnie, and that is the gorgeous, thin, and well-crofted Ben Mantelger. Hello, Ben.

Speaker 2 Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

Speaker 1 Good. How are you doing over there?

Speaker 2 Doing great, thanks. Doing great.
Just, you know, Friday.

Speaker 1 Happy to be at Friday. Has any beauty queen texted you back today? Garsh!

Speaker 1 Garsh, I've been waiting. Oh, gosh, maybe that's what I'm doing.
I'm just a garsh waiting in a store.

Speaker 1 Everybody, it is Southern Charm Day.

Speaker 2 Welcome.

Speaker 1 Before we get started, we're on the Mounting Hysteria Tour. That's a tour that we go to your city.
It's so fun. We're going to be in March.

Speaker 1 We're going to be in Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, Washington, Philadelphia, and then other places, including Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, Las Vegas, Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 Hasn't been announced yet, but I'm sure that's coming up. So check out our website, watchwhatcrappins.com for ticket links and dates and all that good stuff.

Speaker 1 Also, if you want traders' recaps, guess what? We do those. Yay.
They're on Patreon and so are videos like the one that we're doing right now.

Speaker 1 So if you'd rather watch some video recaps, go over there to do it. Patreon.com slash watch what crappens or just join our YouTube and you get it a week later for foe.

Speaker 1 So what's going on with you, Ben? What's new in your life since yesterday?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, just been exciting times over here. Watched some Southern Charm, watched some Traders, watched the substance, really watched a lot of things in the past 24 hours.

Speaker 2 And they were all very visceral. So, you know, that's basically what's new with me.
What's new with you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too. It's been a visceral world over here, too.
I'm still reading Lonesome Dove. That is nothing but pure pain and gore and disgust.

Speaker 1 I don't know how that's one of the most romantic books of all our time, but I'm on the fourth book. I'm vowing to finish this book, even though I'm disgusted.

Speaker 1 And I watched The Traders UK, and that was really good. Loved it.

Speaker 1 And I ordered a laser thing online that like gets rid of hair. So I've been like waiting right the door, waiting for my laser thing to show up so I can start de-hairing myself.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be so, I'm going to be smooth like a fucking seal next time you see me. Wow.

Speaker 2 Are you going to are you going to apply it?

Speaker 1 Where are you going to apply it? Everywhere. I want no hair everywhere.
I want to look like a basic we character when I'm done. Wow.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, that's going to be exciting. It'll be a smooth experience for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thank you. Okay, so that's my big news in life.
Let's get on with this recap. Southern Charm, Season 10, Episode 12, Lost at Sea.
Ooh, poor Garse. Poor little Sepper.

Speaker 1 Only in love with somebody that he's met three times, is 20 years younger and doesn't live anywhere near him. Oh, poor guy.

Speaker 2 You know, I did mention that I just watched The Substance, which, you know, I was warned it's like a really gross movie.

Speaker 2 And I swear, I think that, like, it was only the second grossest thing I watched last night because I don't know,

Speaker 2 watching Shep just trying to try trying to just like. win back over Sienna, like that one had me squirming way more than The Substance ever did.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, no one even likes the title of The Substance that watches this show because I feel like if you're any self-respecting woman, what you're trying to avoid from any man on this show is The Substance.

Speaker 1 Okay. Just stay away from them.
They're gross. They're all gross.
Including you, Craig, you fucking compulsive liar. But we'll get to that in a moment.

Speaker 1 So we start with horror music playing because JT is arriving in Bahama.

Speaker 1 And, you know, JT is kind of divaing out, which I don't really like.

Speaker 1 I think he's too new to be pulling this diva shit of like showing up late and leaving early and throwing fits and doing all of this. But he did lead to the only interesting things about the episode.

Speaker 1 So, you know, team JT for now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I actually feel bad for the guy. I agree.
He should just stick it through. Like, that's the job.
And there's always going to be uncomfortable moments. There's always going to be pylons.

Speaker 2 But I did feel bad for him. So then, Molly,

Speaker 1 the freeways can't stay standing. So accept your pylon, JT.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And when he did arrive, you know, last week we talked about how on this show they like smash all the keys on the keyboard. And they did that like in a song.

Speaker 2 They made it like, bloom, bloom, bloom, bloom, as he walked into Bahamar, which I appreciated. And then

Speaker 2 now we see everyone else arriving back at the hotel because they were all on their afternoon adventures where we last saw them. And

Speaker 1 Madison's like, okay, everyone, no drama today.

Speaker 2 So then they're all going to like get ready for tonight, get washed, et cetera. Molly has sunburn.
And eventually Taylor goes into Vanita's room and asks how the fish fry was.

Speaker 2 And Vanita says she thought they'd be frying fish, but instead they were just getting fried on alcohol.

Speaker 1 And she was like, oh, my God, isn't it so cute? JT just texted me asking me about his shoes. And then she's showing the pictures of JT, you know, showing himself posing in different shoes.

Speaker 1 And it's not cute. And why are you still even accepting text from this person? And why are you giddy over it? You're making me very uncomfortable at this point, Vanita.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I know we make fun of your dog scenes, but I like you. I'm reading for Vanita.
I feel like we've always been reading for Vanita, but you're trying me at this point. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Taylor,

Speaker 2 basically, Vanita basically says that they vowed to have a night of no tomfoolery. And Taylor's like, I agree.
And Vanita says, you know, I just want everyone to get along and everyone is mad at JT.

Speaker 2 So I'm like, once we get over that hump, we could be great.

Speaker 2 Yeah, good luck with that.

Speaker 1 So then Madison's calling Brett and Brett's also very excited. I swear they must have some charisma meter on this show because everybody on it is just brimming.

Speaker 1 She calls her man and she's like, hi, how are you? And he's like, good.

Speaker 1 Good. Well, what you doing?

Speaker 1 Nothing. Just working.
I miss you.

Speaker 1 How's work? It's hot, Madison. He's a fucking fireman.
How do you think it is? Okay.

Speaker 1 So we are down to the bottom.

Speaker 2 And meanwhile, she's like applying chocolate syrup to her lips. I was like, what is happening over there?

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 2 tell me, Marbora. And like her lips are like this like dark, dark black,

Speaker 2 like syrupy stuff on them. I was like, how is this going to blend together? And then when we see her later, her lips are just like light pink.

Speaker 2 So I felt like I was set up for a story that did not pay off.

Speaker 1 Well, now, like in modern makeup, the ladies put on many, many layers of crazy things, you know, and this is an episode that really points that out.

Speaker 1 So maybe there was like a base of lip and then another thing for the lip and then another thing.

Speaker 1 Like when you were a kid and you would scribble with crayon on a piece of paper and then cover it all in black crayon and then scratch out pictures. They would be like multicolored pictures.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Did you ever do that?

Speaker 2 I didn't do that, but that's interesting.

Speaker 1 Whame.

Speaker 1 So, well, it must have been my Montessori school. Just kidding.
I didn't go to Montessori school.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 anyway, there's a lot of stuff. And later we see it with Molly putting on her makeup where she gets the really dark thing and just like lines her face for the contouring.

Speaker 2 I know. Everyone's like getting ready for Lion King.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then she looks fairly normal by the time she goes to dinner. Couldn't you just put on a little like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, eyeliner? Yeah. I don't know.
I'm really big on eyeliner after watching the Traders UK because the hostess of that show is, she's basically a walking eyeliner stick.

Speaker 1 That's, she's an eyeliner stick with bangs. And so that's all I really ever.

Speaker 2 she is pretty much as close to a crow as a human can be like

Speaker 2 she has that jet black hair with the bangs

Speaker 2 and she comes in and i love the way she scolds everyone but she's like very supportive but then she scolds like during the challenges she can't help she breaks character all the time and cheers them on but then at the roundtable she's like i want you to think about this

Speaker 2 you just sent home a faithful think about that think about it tonight when you're sleeping like okay i get it

Speaker 1 Okay, so now everybody goes over to dinner and Craig and Austin are wearing the same outfit.

Speaker 1 It's a big episode where guys are addressing each other too, and they're like wearing matching, matchy, matchy things. Like later, Craig and Shep wear short rompers, you know? And I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's all very confusing. I'm not really sure what's happening this episode, but they go to dinner and Molly's ass decides to do more work than she has this season by sweating.
So that's good.

Speaker 1 Someone's making an effort. And then Whitney shows up to dinner and then JT comes in and the music's like, blink,

Speaker 1 blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

Speaker 1 It's like every dying sound of every instrument.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then everyone says hi and Vanita, Vanita's like, there's a different type of joy when JT's in the room for me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sure. I mean, it just feels like we've been told these things, but they're like, I still don't fully believe them, you know? So they all get on this bus and everything.

Speaker 2 And like, the people who like JT go on JT's bus, but people who, people who can't stand him go on a different bus. And Mass is like, I just wanna, I just wanna flick.

Speaker 1 I just wanna flick him out of here. Just like a little

Speaker 1 flick, flick, flick, flick, flick.

Speaker 2 So JT's like, well, I'm cautiously hopeful to be here.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's enough relationships in this friend group that I do care about that it's worth the awkward feeling that I have right now, my chest and my heart and my gut.

Speaker 1 I'm like, okay, just you're it, you're in the Bahamas.

Speaker 2 Have fun. Come on.

Speaker 1 My chest, my heart.

Speaker 1 My good.

Speaker 1 My good. I have enough.

Speaker 2 I feel it in my neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack.

Speaker 1 A lot of friendships.

Speaker 1 So Shep is also moping around

Speaker 1 in the van, you know, because his girl still doesn't like him.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 they're like, good to have you, JT. And Whitney's like, yeah, yeah, I'm here too.

Speaker 1 I was just a gentlemen today jump's like yeah this is good for you you're gonna be happy JT you're gonna love it here just look however happy everybody else is one girl won't show up Whitney won't show up Vanita showed up a day late everybody else stayed in bed all day it's been great great time

Speaker 2 So now they all arrive at dinner and JT and Madison are on opposite ends of the table. And then it's like Sally has to sit next to JT, but she doesn't really want to.

Speaker 2 So then Craig basically, well, Sally's like, she's like, absolutely fucking not. Sorry.
I just do not like that guy.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's someone who I would not be giving a BJ to in the parking lot of a great American, if you know what I'm saying. Actually, it's pretty obvious what I'm saying.
I literally just said it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We cut back to why she's mad, and it's because at the tuba party,

Speaker 1 JT confronted her about

Speaker 1 breaking up the very healthy previous relationship of Gaston by giving him a kind of blowjob in the great American parking lot.

Speaker 1 Um, so now, you know, order shep goes over to Sally and he's like, Hey, uh, hey, oh, you know, I think we just, you know, we click and she doesn't want to lose that, and I don't either.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm talking about Sienna, just in case you're, in case you're wondering what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 I just need someone new that's not sick of me yet to listen to this bullshit act I'm trying to tell everybody. I'm a man, a man who can feel love.

Speaker 2 So, Craig tells JT, Craig has now taken Sal over Sally's seat because she doesn't want to sit next to

Speaker 2 JT. So, he's like, I've been dealing with this all day.
I'm just listening. And Sally's like, Well, I think you deserve better, Shep, and I don't want to see you get hurt.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I don't know if Shep deserves better. I think he deserves exactly this.
Like, after all the years that we've seen Shep on TV, this is the precise thing that his actions require.

Speaker 1 So, he's like, I appreciate that. I'm a boy,

Speaker 1 and then Taylor just rolls her eyes. Uh, so then Craig's like, uh,

Speaker 1 uh, someone's like, Well, don't worry, Sienna's showing up tomorrow. And Craig's like, He thinks she is, but she's not.
It's very obvious she's stringing him on now. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, Craig, you know what? You're not wrong, but you've been in a relationship for one minute. That doesn't make you a relationship expert.
Just please be quiet.

Speaker 1 Craig's getting worse and worse with every episode.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then Austin's like, Jesus Christ, man.
And Craig's like, his head has been scrambled the entire time trying to figure out where they stand.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, Craig, Craig has not one single ounce of empathy.

Speaker 1 Ugh.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 I'm sorry to notice, but your chest is just glistening. And it's like, thanks.
That was the point of buying them.

Speaker 2 So food arrives. It's all lovely and delicious.
And Shep is like, hey, Molly,

Speaker 1 not to belabor the point, but remember how I was telling you about the text I sent to Sienna? The really romantic text that will surely win her over?

Speaker 1 The one that ends with, thank you for listening to my TED talk.

Speaker 2 And she's like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, okay.
So you want to talk about it? So then he starts showing her the text and he's like, this is what I sent her.

Speaker 2 And she's actually being, since she likes Shep, she's being supportive, even though she knows this is a creepy ass, terrible text.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God, this is really sweet.

Speaker 2 Oh, and that line about, oh, my heart sings when I'm with you. Oh, my God, you're going to make me cry.
This is so sweet.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. And her freckled little lips.
I just, that is so cute. Oh my God.
Too garsh or not to garsh. Oh my God, Shep,

Speaker 1 you're like poetic. You're like poetic.

Speaker 1 And Madison's watching. It's like, hey, Ding Dong, you got Molly right there who actually likes you.
Okay. I mean, why don't you shoot your shot with someone that sends you?

Speaker 1 Because she lives in the same town and he can't consistently cheat on her. And then he'd actually have to make an effort to be in a relationship.
And the Sienna thing is fake anyway.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you people aren't understanding. It's really annoying that nobody on this cast really understands or they do understand and they're just too bored to call it out.
Come to work. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 So Shep is like, I mean, if you got that text message, would you be like over the moon, a free TED Talk?

Speaker 2 And she's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, even though you don't have any freckles on your lips, oh, I'm a changed man. Look at me making cute jokes.
She's like, oh my God, do you need freckles? I'll put freckles on my lips.

Speaker 1 Like, whatever you need. What do you need me to do to stay on the show? I've already dated Whitney.
So I really don't know what else I could do. Sure.
Someone hand me an eyeliner pencil. Okay.

Speaker 1 Mama's got to pay the mortgage.

Speaker 2 So then JT's asking about the boat tomorrow, and Shep says they're going to go on like a boat trip. It's going to be like Jamaica Mon and it's going to be a 400-foot boat.

Speaker 2 And Sally is saying, oh, good. It's big enough where I don't have to, they won't notice.
If you go missing,

Speaker 2 referring to JT.

Speaker 1 and he's like would you like some uh some food salad why don't i hand the missus this plate first because as everyone knows i'm a respecter of the female and she's like oh god

Speaker 1 and um they're like wow look at that it looks like jt's making an effort to get along she's like oh yeah he handed me a plate big whoop

Speaker 1 I love your hair tonight as well. Love that too.
She's like, don't fuck with me, JT. He's like, you're also stunning, I might

Speaker 2 You know, this is where JT goes wrong because he does these things that he, like, these are like textbook chivalrous things, right? You're giving a compliment to a lady.

Speaker 2 And so therefore, you're getting along. But it's like, nope.
That's not how you communicate with someone. That's not how you connect with someone.

Speaker 2 You're just giving comments that are kind of creepy and make people want to be like, ugh. So like, he just, he doesn't seem to really understand.

Speaker 2 Like, he doesn't understand how to connect with these, the rest of his castmates.

Speaker 2 And that's his big downfall, among among many other things Not that there's far for him to fall but either way so Craig is

Speaker 1 just general apologizing like I don't think she needs you to hand her a plate of food and call her pretty Okay, I think that she's used to like homely dudes handing her plates of food and calling her pretty like that's probably 90% of her fucking life in that town.

Speaker 1 Okay. She needs you to say sorry for slut shaming you in front of everybody, especially a new group of friends that don't even really know you yet.
Sorry about that.

Speaker 1 Like, sorry, I couldn't get laid by my dream girl. And so I turned it into a big drama about how you're being mean to to her because I'm a complete fucking simp.
But,

Speaker 1 you know, maybe I'll try to be better. You know, she doesn't care about your fucking sausage links, you douche.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So Craig's like, I think you hurt Sally's feelings, some of the things you said before. And JT is like, well, I think that sometimes I'll come to people's defense.

Speaker 2 And sometimes when I do, but, you know, there's bullets that are stray. And I got to work on that.

Speaker 1 And it's like,

Speaker 1 not just, just say sorry, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's stupid.

Speaker 2 so then Craig is like hey hey can everyone move down two seats to the left and so everyone rotates because everyone thinks it's like a game or something and Craig is like thanks I just didn't want to be at the end of the table it's like I want to be in the center of all the action so I'm making everyone else move for me it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin' commercial

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Speaker 1 So Sally at least is trying to earn a paycheck. She's like, JT, don't you think it's a problem when there's like four people in here that you have to apologize to?

Speaker 1 And he's like, I haven't had a little hot water for a while. I'm good.
I'm good. She's like, don't you feel weird about it? He's like, you know what?

Speaker 1 There's a lot to say to a lot of people, but I'd prefer that it's one-on-one. And I feel this with my heart, my soul, my gut,

Speaker 1 my ankle bones, my mid cats. Feel it with every bit of my pen.

Speaker 2 But how are you going to make room for everyone you've upset? Because it's a lot. Well, I'm trying to show respect to each of you by not bringing stuff up at the table.

Speaker 2 I'm like, that's showing disrespect because people's paychecks depend on being able to fight at a dinner table on a TV show. So it's totally disrespectful what you're doing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they're like, leave him alone. She's like, no, everything's on his term.
I don't want to talk about it later. I want to talk about it now.

Speaker 1 And he's like,

Speaker 1 okay, that's fine. And she's like, fine, then don't talk to me.
And Craig's like, but you see why it's not going to be fun to go out on a party boat if all of us have something to talk to you about?

Speaker 1 Like, why don't you just apologize to people

Speaker 2 well i will say something here craig it bothers me greatly that you lied and you offended miss patricia like that because i didn't say that word about her yeah you did you said she was a bitch at the cup when you handed her the cane craig you're lying it was loud and clear and madison's like he would not make that shit up he would not I love when people come to Craig's defense and say he would not make shit up.

Speaker 1 He literally has lied for years on the show. He lied about his law school.
What more do you people want?

Speaker 2 Like you can say, you can say that you like Craig. You can say you find him charming, that he's grown, but you cannot say that he would 100%

Speaker 2 not make something up. He is the one most likely candidate of everyone on the cast to make something up, to fabricate something out of thin air.

Speaker 1 And JT is like, hey, wouldn't now you're 100% sure that Craig's not lying. She said, I don't think Craig gets off on making this feel like shit, especially his mother.
She's very, very rich.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 the thing with JT is I believe JT. I don't think he called her a bitch, and he didn't say the word affair and everything that we're about to get into.
I don't think he did that stuff.

Speaker 1 The problem is he did come in swinging at everybody at the beginning of the season.

Speaker 1 He did insinuate that Madison, Madison's husband was super jealous, which he was when we found out when Madison said that he did get pissed and they did call him for clarity, but it wasn't really about an affair.

Speaker 1 So we do know that he was jealous, but still it wasn't wasn't really his business to be you know making that camera fod or whatever so she has a right to be pissed but the problem is he's made everybody piss so there's nobody to stand up for you know stand up to craig because they don't care they don't even they know that craig is lying they don't even care that craig is lying because he's against somebody they all hate that's you and you did this to yourself so

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think JT came into this season feeling like he had a really strong freshman outing.

Speaker 2 You know, I think the audience by and large liked him, even if he was like annoying at times. He stood up to Austin.
People liked that.

Speaker 2 And I think he came in thinking that he like understood the game now. And now he was going to make his move to really like center himself in the show.
And he

Speaker 2 overplayed his hand and he messed up right out of the gate. And he was never able to come back.
And then he's been stuck on the outlines. People are not filming with him.
He knows it.

Speaker 2 And now he's coming back, coming in. And he's sort of like, now he's going to try to play the pity card.
And he's just failing at it.

Speaker 2 He's just completely flopped this season, even if he is in the right on these situations.

Speaker 1 And he was he was at Bravo Con, and this is the image that will always stick with me years later of JT. And I think this summed him up pretty well.

Speaker 1 He's walking in and there's like a group of people taking pictures, like fake paparazzi or whatever. And

Speaker 1 whenever they come in, they're like, whoa. So he came into some lukewarm woos.
I would say some lukewarm woos.

Speaker 1 And then he had a water bottle and he like threw the water bottle up to catch it and look cool. But then the water bottle exploded in his face,

Speaker 1 like he didn't have the top on or something. So he caught it and it like squeezed all over his face.
And like, he had a moment of looking embarrassed, and then was just like,

Speaker 1 and just started pouring it all over himself

Speaker 1 and then raised his arms to like do double politician waves and had really sweaty armpits. And I was like, this poor guy, you know,

Speaker 1 he's just kind of sad. And so that's kind of the image that will always stick with me.
And that's pretty much every scene he's done since.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 so then Craig is like Shep was there. He saw you call her a bitch.

Speaker 1 No, you're living in alternate reality Craig.

Speaker 2 Shep back me up on this and Shep and Matt's like Shep, what are you gonna say about that?

Speaker 1 Shep's like well gosh, well, you heard it from Sienna's pretty little freckled lips first that I didn't hear, I didn't hear that. I'm on record set by thing.
I did not hear that.

Speaker 1 And so we have a gay person here. Let's have him say something gay.
Cut to the gay person. And so Rodrigo's like, I'm shook.

Speaker 1 Thanks. All right.
Someone pay the man. So Taylor's like, that's one thing I don't believe because JT's not the type of person to ever, ever

Speaker 1 demean a woman. Well, except when he slutshames one for kind of giving a blowjob.

Speaker 2 And Venita's like, that's why it's hard for me.

Speaker 2 And by the way, Venita, like, this is your buddy.

Speaker 1 Why don't you like, why don't you help him out?

Speaker 2 Like, Vanita's like, honestly, very quiet for someone that's like her like friend and everything, you know?

Speaker 1 Well, the cast doesn't talk to Vanita either. So I don't think she's like really in a power position where she would, they would listen to her either.
And I think she knows it.

Speaker 1 I think she's barely hanging on with this group, you know? Like she doesn't offend anybody, but she doesn't, nobody hangs out with her either.

Speaker 1 So I think she's, I think she feels like her position is tenuous enough. And it's already bad enough that she's kind of tied herself to this monstrosity this season, but who knows? So

Speaker 1 she's like, yeah, this is really hurting me. And Taylor's like, well, there's one thing he would never say, and he would never say the B word about her.

Speaker 1 So Craig's like, did you not say something about Austin too and Audrey? Yeah, but he hates them and Austin hates him. So who cares?

Speaker 1 Like, we need to separate all of the issues and not make them one big issue.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Craig is just trying to come for,

Speaker 2 just trying to come for JT, you know? And you said shit about Madison and her husband and you made fun of like the FaceTiming thing on your vacation. He's like, I didn't say that.

Speaker 1 I didn't make fun of everyone it's like okay dude she goes did you say the word affair no and Craig's like well I stand by everything I fucking said so JT is like losing his mind because he's like he's lying about that you know and she's like do you remember that shep and shep is like oh garsh oh garish the fair no it was garish it was nonsensical the exact opposite of the vietnam war by ken burns honestly i didn't understand what he was saying so then we cut back to the golf place where JT is talking about Madison putting on his blue stripes in Jamaica, and it made Brett feel a little weird.

Speaker 1 And Vanita's like, but you didn't say the B word, right? You said the word affair. So what's the story? And JT is like, Craig Laws, that's the story.

Speaker 1 And Madison's like, um, I'm starting to realize this might be a little bit clowned out of proportion. And maybe Craig, you know, said it a little too dramatic or something.

Speaker 1 So now, JT, I'm not going to embarrass you in front of all these people. So next time I embarrass you, it'll be one-on-one on national television.

Speaker 1 When I say something like, you think I would have an affair with you?

Speaker 2 I would love to. I would love to talk.
I would love to talk. Thank you, Madison.
Thank you. She goes, I'll give JT half an inch on this one.

Speaker 2 So Craig's like, I really thought you were going to own your shit, man, and apologize to everyone.

Speaker 2 Watch Craig, when confronted with the fact that there's no audio evidence or any evidence whatsoever from production, still not apologize to JT at the reunion.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because they just showed us a clip, too, of Craig lying, because that's not at all what JT said. They just showed a clip of JT saying, well, I handed Miss Patricia a Kane and she didn't take it.

Speaker 1 That was weird, which is not the same as saying that old woman's a bitch, you know? So,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 2 Craig, I didn't lie.

Speaker 1 What you said, Flamedis.

Speaker 2 It's like, what you said, flamed this? Ha, got you.

Speaker 1 So he's like, you know, things are not going to get better with me sitting here. So I'm going to go to the bar.
So Ryan's like, oh, I'm shook as well. All right.
Another gay getting his paycheck.

Speaker 1 So he runs off after Craig to do nothing, as Ryan does on this show. And JT's like, Jesus Christ, that's why I didn't want to get into it.

Speaker 1 And Craig's just like, this is like the Twilight Zone.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So then

Speaker 1 basically, Shep is trying to give JT advice. Like, hey, man, Coleman Collected gets the point across.

Speaker 1 Well, you were off the fucking rails. Like, why the?

Speaker 1 why JT and JT's like well Craig gaslits shit dude He's like hold on hold on like no he gaslit he gaslit him He gaslit you he gaslit me This guy's out of fucking control. He's making me seem crazy.

Speaker 1 But like you've had so many opportunities to come in and be like and be cool and be chill and but it seems like every time you just like shit everywhere that you step it's insane right now Hey, but Austin, if you're gonna talk like that, why don't you talk that way to Craig?

Speaker 1 I mean, how come you only talk like that to JT, but not to Craig? And he's like, don't you you dare compare the two.

Speaker 1 Hilarious. He's like, yeah, but you just sit there quiet as a church mouse with Craig.
And he's like, don't you dare compare the two.

Speaker 2 So now Ryan and Craig are talking to the bar and Ryan's like, um,

Speaker 2 he he came here tonight to call you a liar. And like, yeah, well, I don't have a transcript of exactly what he said.
No, I don't. But I know what I heard, which was bitch.

Speaker 2 So Shep's a pussy because Shep was there with me. But Shep's so fucking messed up with the Sienna thing that he just wants everyone to get along.

Speaker 2 Which doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 I guess.

Speaker 2 What does that have to do with anything? I guess he's saying that Shep wants everyone to get along. So when Sienna hangs out, she's not like horrified by the group.

Speaker 1 I guess, but she's never going to hang out. So it shouldn't really matter.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I had some doubts before when this first came up because I was like, well, maybe JT said in a separate conversation, Patricia's a bitch and used the word affair or something.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was off-camera, but now Craig is specifying, no, it was that day when Shep was there. And we just saw the footage of him not saying that.
So stupid.

Speaker 1 So then back at the table, Sally's also mad at Shep. She's like, I'm just confused.
Like, why you've got JT's back when you've been friends with these guys forever?

Speaker 1 He's like, I just, I don't ever hold back. I'll tell you how I feel.
And Austin's the one who holds back. Okay.
And now he's going for it. And I was like, that is a different animal.

Speaker 1 How dare you compare that to?

Speaker 1 But it's true. No, you're wrong.
Well, you're not wrong. You're not wrong.
You're not wrong. Wait, wait, what?

Speaker 1 Austin backs down immediately. He's like, okay, well, you're not wrong.

Speaker 1 Craig's not here. I don't have to be mad anymore.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is so double standardish. With Craig, Austin talks the big game until it's time to talk the big game.
But JT, he's an Reasy target. I stand for justice.

Speaker 1 Thank you for listening to my TED talk. I'm going to reuse that a few times.

Speaker 1 so austin's like yeah i still hold a grudge and you're a piece of shit but all these other people have an issue with you man okay like everyone does so blah blah blah so sally's like well i'm making this statement right now i will not go on the boat if jt doesn't if jt goes on the boat sally you're doing nothing on this show okay

Speaker 2 bring jt on the boat hit him on the boat what's a party without a pinata okay and i guarantee the producers are going to pick jt over sally because jt is in more conflict right now so enjoy your time hanging out by the pool.

Speaker 2 So Austin's like, oh, you're a little weasel.

Speaker 1 Fuck, JT.

Speaker 2 So JT is just like,

Speaker 2 well, Austin basically says that, like, you know, JT doesn't care what people have to say. And JT's like, hot, Vanita, weigh in, please.

Speaker 1 Come on, Vanita. And Vanita's like, oh,

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 2 She's like crying. So Austin's like,

Speaker 1 it's really hurting me.

Speaker 1 And Austin tells him he's literally a piece of shit. So JT's like, I'm out.
I'm out. You're not none of of y'all worth my time.

Speaker 1 And so he leaves. And then

Speaker 1 JT's like, for you to call me a piece of shit after how you handled your shit last year. He's like, I'll go to flex to someone else.
I don't care. How dare you come fight that too?

Speaker 1 So JT leaves, which, you know, I feel like they just need to start putting guardrails up to stop letting cast members leave at this point. It's ridiculous with this cast.
Like, no one's there.

Speaker 1 They've got like half, they've got half a cast every time they shoot. And two of those people are JT and the other one.
I'm not JT, Rodrigo and the other one.

Speaker 2 You don't do anything. Ryan, what are you guys doing? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So Shep goes over to the bar.

Speaker 2 He like startles Craig. And Craig's like, I've never done anything with ill intent.
I'm like a little disappointed in you, man.

Speaker 1 You were there. And Shep is like, no, no, no, no, no.
Karsh, we are in a good place. I'm a good little boy.
And I just don't, I don't want to interfere with that.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not upset with you. I just wish you would have been like, JT, you were wrong that day.

Speaker 1 He's like, but no, there's no reason to be upset. I know you're not upset.

Speaker 2 And Ryan's like, let him dig his own grave.

Speaker 2 That was a good one, guys, right? Guys?

Speaker 1 So then you think Craig actually believes his lies or what is Craig doing? You think

Speaker 1 he believes it?

Speaker 2 I think Craig believes it because I think Craig hears things that aren't always true.

Speaker 2 I mean, he has always been someone who's played telephone and, you know, he believes that he heard this, but he's wrong. And the fact that he has such conviction

Speaker 2 is like annoying because it's like, you do this all the time. You didn't hear it right.

Speaker 1 My theory is that he knows this didn't happen and he's just using the word bitch because he knows that that'll be an automatic block, you know, for the group anymore.

Speaker 1 And he's using this language because they had all agreed to get JT off the show because nobody liked him. And now people are waffling and he's mad at Shet because he's not just sticking with the...

Speaker 1 with the original bullshit. But who knows, really? I mean, I'm just, I'm honestly just theorizing because nothing's happening on this show.

Speaker 1 So now JT goes to sit in the van, which is hilarious that they're like, okay, you want to leave? Well, we're not going to drive you anywhere. So he still has to be there.

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, oh yeah, well, look,

Speaker 1 Madison says something like, well, anybody who's friends with JT can go in there, but I ain't going in there. And Craig's like, yeah, well, JT's best friend, Shep, is going in there.

Speaker 1 So now we're in divided vans and Craig's calling Shep a pussy for being nice to JT.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Taylor's like, well, JT has like a ton of shit he needs to work on. And we all know that I would move in with those people for a good solid few years before I ever say anything.

Speaker 2 So Craig's like, yeah, that's what we're trying to teach him. But there's one thing that I do not think that he would, I don't think he would talk to a woman that way.

Speaker 2 That's not the crux of the issue. Why we're even giving, why you, why you and Shep have his back?

Speaker 2 This is nuts. I don't trust people that can't apologize.
He didn't say sorry one time.

Speaker 1 So in the other van, JT's like, I've never felt more like a piñata in my life. That was as close to feeling like a piñata as you could possibly be.

Speaker 1 It was like I was like a big thing stuffed with candy hanging from a tree and people were swinging at me. What I'm trying to say is if you had a child's party, it's like, we get it.

Speaker 2 You feel like a piñata.

Speaker 1 So Shep is like, oh, you handle yourself very well. Like, no, I'm going to fly home tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Then Whitney is like, ways that he's like, he's like, listen, no, no, listen, don't leave. Have a sensible conversation.

Speaker 2 Can someone get Whitney some like some hot coffee or something? He is wasted on this bus.

Speaker 1 Whitney's always wasted these days.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just flurring more than ever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they have a sensible conversation with Madison. You know,

Speaker 1 she's the most aggrieved.

Speaker 1 Whitney, you can't yell at everybody else

Speaker 1 for not showing up to the workplace when you barely show up either. You've been off all day too.
So JT is like, I'm I'm done. I'm eviscerated.
I've got no guts left in my body.

Speaker 1 This town will realize what it once had once it no longer has me.

Speaker 1 You shall remember my statue in the parks, but it shall never move because I have been aggrieved.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 And Vinita's like, are you mad at me? And he's like, I just like, let's just talk later.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 basically, Whitney's like, let's go and gamble. So everyone heads heads off and

Speaker 2 there's like funniness in the in the hotel, you know, getting smashed by elevator doors and things like that. And the girls are hanging out in the girls' suite

Speaker 2 drinking and having fun. And Vanita, she gets into her pajamas and she slinks over to JT's room and she knocks on the door.
And he's like, he's like, he's like, no cameras, no cameras.

Speaker 2 And then, but she goes in anyway without the cameras. The doors shut.
And then there's fireworks. And then we go to commercial.

Speaker 2 So I was like, okay, it's the old Rope Adope where she goes in and then they just have a talk about everything and they try to make it look like sexy times.

Speaker 2 That's what I thought because that's what they always do.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then the next morning,

Speaker 1 the guys' room is just disgusting because it's guys, you know, and one of the sinks is just running. We don't, we don't ever really.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was wondering, what was up with that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Running sink.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So then Vanita had the giant, the most giant piece of food that she was eating.

Speaker 1 I was like, wow, what is this local delicacy i couldn't figure out what it was i was like is that a corn cake what is that i i want it was a bagel it was just gigantic i was like they have bagels in the bahamas it was enormous it was very enormous and they actually like they like sort of paused they like timed the music like if the music was you know how they always have these sort of slinky sounds on southern charm where it was like glink glink glink glink glink glink glink and like on the last glink was when she finally took her bite and she was like slowly bringing the bagel up to her mouth it's like glink um i hope it was a good I really like when they get into their Peter and the Wolf mode on this show with the music and the orchestra and stuff because they've decided that JT is like the bassoon or whatever.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because everyone else is like a high, like bump, pop, it up, bump it up, and then it gets to him and it's just like

Speaker 1 every time that they got to him, they just cut to the bassoon.

Speaker 2 Oh man, to be the bassoon. Yeah.
So the Nita,

Speaker 2 the producer asked her, like, what happened? So I'm expecting her to say, well, we talked and I tried to convince him to stay, but he was really sad.

Speaker 2 No, instead she goes, well, I literally straddled this man and said, don't act like you don't want this as bad as I do.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 It's like, Vanita, Vanita, this is, that's actually poor form because he, like, he did say he has a girlfriend. You shouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 Like, I know it's ultimately up to the man, but like, come on, Vanita, you shouldn't do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not cool

Speaker 1 and also it was like a dinner that he just got completely you know eviscerated at and he was all sad and left and he's he's like needs somebody to talk to and she straddles him and is like give it to me i mean geez so he's like well i think i made it pretty clear that when i removed her not once but twice off of me in my bed in the bahamas because i have a girlfriend

Speaker 1 But he's also like, can you believe it? A hot girl straddled me. Like, what the hell? I know.

Speaker 2 yeah and she's like for him to come out and say like listen the feelings that i have the feelings that you have for me are the same and i have for you but stronger so then what is he doing too these two i can't yeah i mean he shouldn't he was no he was wrong when he was initially being flirty with her and he was wrong like that whole dinner and everything he ate the whole meal and was being flirty and then it's like by the way i have a girlfriend like so he sucks for that i'm just saying vanita like you know

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 2 don't waste your pretty. Don't waste your pretty on JT.
It's time to move on. You're like a gorgeous catch.
You're probably one of the biggest catches on this show. Like,

Speaker 2 you could do better than JT, like, that sort of throwing yourself at JT when he's already in a relationship. Come on, Venita.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the show. This show is famous for you have to fuck somebody to be on this show.
I mean, look at Whitney. Like, honestly, like, he's definitely the gate, the gatekeeper of that.

Speaker 1 Look how many people have had to date Whitney to get on the show or Shap or one of them. You have to do it to get on this this show I mean it was like last year.

Speaker 1 It was Olivia that when she was pretending to date people just because she wanted to be on the show, you know And I guess that's what what they consider the show to be about It's kind of like below deck where they're like well Somebody better try and fuck this season or we don't have a show, you know, right?

Speaker 1 But it's just like it's just it's kind of ruining the show because it's happening now with almost every couple that's on it, you know, and it's just like cringy to watch.

Speaker 1 So, but I didn't understand why she said for him to come out and just say, listen, the feelings that I have, the feelings you have for me are the same I have for you, but stronger.

Speaker 1 The feelings you have for me.

Speaker 1 So he's saying, so he is kind of still leading her on, right? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Well, if he says the feelings you have for me are the same I have for you, but stronger, it's like, we have feelings, but you have stronger feelings for me.

Speaker 2 That's his way of saying, I think you like me more than I like you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So he's like, I mean, look, you're down, you're out, you're sad, and you got a beautiful girl throwing herself at you.
And you're like, no, please, I can't. I can't.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm just trying my best here, guys. Wow.

Speaker 2 So, Vanita's like, yeah, he was just like, I can't do that. I'm supposed to be in a relationship.
I'm supposed to be dating this girl. I can't.
And that was my cue of like, got it.

Speaker 2 I'm like, girl, your cue came a few episodes ago. Yeah.
So,

Speaker 1 and the weirdest part is she's telling this, like, it's the cutest romantic story. She's like flipping her ponytail around and like smiling in the diary room.
It's weird. I don't like it.

Speaker 2 Vanita's had just a series of swings and misses this season, from almost drowning to trying to land JT. Ugh, poor girl.
So, um, now Madison tells Sally that JT wants to meet up.

Speaker 2 So, Madison's like, Well, I know I've gone super hard on JT for this, but we were friends at one point. You know, I did lower my standards at one point in my life and let him in.

Speaker 2 So, Sally's like, So, you're gonna call you gonna meet him in person?

Speaker 1 She's like, I think he's gonna come by.

Speaker 2 So, uh, then, meanwhile, Shep comes, I ain't going over there.

Speaker 1 He better come over here. I'm not walking over there.
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Speaker 1 So then we go to the guy's suite and Shep comes down just looking like shit and gets in bed with Craig. And he's like, I saw your calls.

Speaker 1 Thanks for looking out, but I spiraled last night because I just want, I'm just a person who want love.

Speaker 1 It's not because I'm still the crazy alcoholic that you refused to be friends with last year after I got kicked out of BravoCon, right?

Speaker 1 And Craig's like, well, yeah.

Speaker 1 Basically, we went to a casino. Shep got kicked out of the casino and he was so drunk he couldn't stand up.
And then we went to the room and he still wasn't there and we couldn't find him.

Speaker 1 Dun, dun, dun. Then we hit an air tag and the air tag said, this man is too depleted of life force to locate.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, basically Craig is like, oh my, I mean, Shep is like, yeah, well, I guess I had a rough night.

Speaker 1 I, I guess I woke up on a, on a chair by the beach. I mean, I was fine.
Nothing happened.

Speaker 2 So he basically got wasted, got kicked out of the casino, wound up wandering on the beach, passed out in a chair. So

Speaker 2 I guess old Shep isn't so far away, huh?

Speaker 2 So he's like, you know, two nights ago, I was completely fine, though. And I was just like trying to process a lot.

Speaker 1 And I think yesterday, you know, it just all hit me. So, you know, when you guys were like, leave your fun phone and let's have fun.
I think I took that too seriously. So it's your fault.

Speaker 1 You guys made me get wasted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you know what? This isn't healthy. Like you slept on a beach chair because of her, you know, like you don't want anything to do with that.
He's like, no, what? You know, it's just Craig.

Speaker 1 You have this stance. You're like, this is what's right.
You know, sleeping in a bed, not getting kicked out of casinos. I mean, who even are you? How do you live like that?

Speaker 1 And he's like, but like everything you're going through, like is her fault.

Speaker 1 Cause like if three weeks ago you planned this trips, those feelings were the same like we'd be one big happy family no it's not her fucking fault oh my god this fucking weirdo so chef's like i'm just so in love i know nothing about her but gosh i love her she has lips lips with freckles

Speaker 2 Have you talked to her today?

Speaker 1 No, if she comes to the boat, then great.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what it is. Like you get to spend another day with her, another day, and you get to see what it looks like at the end of the day, right?

Speaker 2 So, meanwhile, JT goes over to Madison,

Speaker 2 Madison's room, and he has a little red box as a gift. And he's like, hey, can you give me another pillow? Sorry, I got a bad back.
Diabetes, bad back.

Speaker 1 I'm getting old. Oh,

Speaker 2 hey. So thanks.
Thanks for giving me that pillow. It's nice thing you ever done for me.
Oh,

Speaker 1 don't get used to it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, it's the little things. Anyway, I want to give you this

Speaker 2 to give to Whitney. It's a very nice box of cigars, but I got this for Miss Patricia and Whitney after Craig made that bullshit up.
But, you know, you can smoke them if you want oh

Speaker 1 i'm saying i'll keep them

Speaker 1 which i liked

Speaker 1 so he's like okay and you can also get decide who gets to smoke them all right well thank you thank you for taking in this time because i didn't want to get it into the table but you know i didn't want to have those conversations at dinner but thank you for volunteering to talk to me just where do i start to dive in i'm sorry i brought up that face time call that you actually made to craig and that was a huge mistake you know but

Speaker 1 and she doesn't deny that the phone call happened. And he's like, it wasn't a hit job on you.
And she's like, well, that hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 And he's like, okay, wait, hurt your feelings because didn't you hear what I said? You heard what Craig said that I said. I mean, this was a conversation for us.

Speaker 1 And, you know, now we're stuck in Craig's telephone game of bullshit. And it's fucked up.
And I want our relationship back. Okay.
And she's like,

Speaker 1 I'm just, I just want this friendship to work. Okay.
I chose the best of two pairs of shoes last night and I was eviscerated. Eviscerated to my core.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Madison's like, well, I'm glad that he got to say his piece, but we can move on. I am done with this.

Speaker 2 He's like, well, thank you for your audience and I hope you guys have a great day on the boat because I shall not be there. And she's like, you're not going to show up?

Speaker 2 No, I'm going to go back and take care of some business. My mama sent me a rug, so I'm going to put it somewhere.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, I don't think you need to carry it out.

Speaker 1 I mean, part of part of being in this group is dealing with being hazed and you're going to have to get on that boat while everyone yells at you. You got to do that.

Speaker 1 She's like, no, I can't negotiate the truth with Craig. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so he's going to whis out, which kind of just destroys the whole season, basically, because there's like literally nothing. So then the girls are talking about it.

Speaker 1 And they're like, what happened? She's like, nothing really. I mean, he got some big fat cigarettes to smoke, I guess.
I'm like, well, I guess he's just trying to be civil. She goes, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm bored. I can only imagine how the audience feels.
And they're like, I almost feel bad for him.

Speaker 1 So now

Speaker 1 Craig, the relationship expert, gets his completely uninterested girlfriend on the phone to lecture Shep. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He's like, hey, hey, check in.
Wait, wow, you guys look like you have a really sick place. Thanks.
It is sick, but I need your help talking to Shep.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 Shep is like, oh, okay. Oh, yeah.
What do you guys have to say?

Speaker 2 Well, I told Paige a little bit about last night and Paige is just like laughing because she's just like, this is so, this man is so pathetic all of them and so um shep is like well it's just been hard paige i'm sure you can understand well the only thing i will say is especially with long distance if it's already shaky it's only going to get shakier like if you think if you're in long distance and you think like one person if it's been like two years and they still haven't moved to your like bucolic little suburb in the south then like you have to get the point and like realize it's just like never going to work out you know do you understand not breaking up with you now she's just waiting till between seasons, so she's not haste as hard on Twitter.

Speaker 1 So, that's what you need to understand.

Speaker 1 Well, here's what she's he's hung up on because, uh, he's like, How could someone tell me that they loved me three weeks ago and now act like this?

Speaker 1 I don't even believe that she said she loves you, unless it was like in that very casual, like, yeah, sure, love, yeah, I love being with you, or something that he took it the wrong.

Speaker 1 Because we already saw Shep bullshitting last week where he's like, She said I was gonna miss you, Kutcher going,

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know if I'm gonna miss you, or whatever she's, yeah, that's the thing.

Speaker 2 Shep, Shep has not been a good character witness either. I mean, I do believe him with the Craig thing because we have cameras to back it up.

Speaker 2 But like, Shep literally made up some sort of fictional thing that Sienna said, I love you.

Speaker 2 So I don't know what's up with that, but it's been like three weeks ago, as far as I can tell, was when she went off to Africa and came back and like didn't speak to him the entire time and basically ghosted him after that entire experience.

Speaker 2 So like it's been pretty obvious for a while now that Sienna's not so into Shep.

Speaker 2 If anything, it seems like Sienna, after her trip to Charleston earlier in the season, that's when she started to pull away. She was like, Oh, oh no, I don't like this at all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is not gonna be for me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's full on pretending I'm his girlfriend without even telling me. It's fucking weirdo.

Speaker 1 So Paige is like, Okay, listen, things change. If she's not texting you back, she's not trying to sleep with you every night.
She's not trying to hang out.

Speaker 1 She's not trying to introduce you to her family. Now, listen to this, Craig.
You too.

Speaker 1 I don't like you.

Speaker 2 Craig's like, she doesn't like it. i can't i can't believe paige just called miss patricia a bitch

Speaker 1 he'll try

Speaker 1 watch next season he'll be like oh my god miss patricia i should have known paige was wrong when she called you the c word but i never

Speaker 1 randy's getting extra lashings for another month yeah so um paige is like look i'm gonna tell you something that my mom used to tell me all through my 20s you're gonna meet a man named craig one day and you'll be able to do better so ride that wave while you can and then move on from the pillow man.

Speaker 1 Also, if people like you, you'll know it. She doesn't like you.
Am I done here? Do I get paid for this?

Speaker 1 Let her go.

Speaker 2 Okay, chicken out.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 now Molly is getting into a dress and Ryan's hanging out with the girls and everyone's getting ready for the boat.

Speaker 2 And Shep, they're heading to the boat and Shep gets a message from Sienna that surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.

Speaker 2 Hey, you're not sure I'm going to be able to make it to the boat. I'm running late.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 So like,

Speaker 2 we all knew this text was going to come.

Speaker 2 And although I have to say, at this point, I am kind of feeling like, Sienna, you got to cut the cord here that you are kind of like, we all, everyone can see everyone at home, everyone in this group can all see you're not, you don't like this guy.

Speaker 2 And we support you not liking Shep. But now at this point, it's time to be like.

Speaker 2 Just just say, hey, I'm not interested in doing this anymore, which I guess is what's going on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but she tried to have the conversation with Shep and he refused until they were on camera.

Speaker 1 And so now she knows what he's trying to do, which is make her look like a villain and him look like some sweet, innocent little boy.

Speaker 1 So I think she's just trying to avoid it until he's back home and she can dump him properly.

Speaker 1 You know what it is?

Speaker 2 It's like

Speaker 1 even though it's completely obvious what he's doing, it's worked. I mean, people on the internet, they're like, fuck that girl for hurting poor Shep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you know, I'm still on Sienna's side, but I kind of feel like you should just do like a proper ghosting.

Speaker 2 So like, don't commit to going on the boat ride that you know you're not going to go on. Just say, um, I'm busy this week.
I'm washing my hair.

Speaker 1 So he's like, I know, like, it would be nice to pull a real ghost where you're like, what do you mean? I'm on the boat. What do you mean you don't see me? I'm right here.
Just

Speaker 2 been here all this time.

Speaker 1 So he's like, wait, well, what's your ETA? We'll hold the boat. We'll stop everything.
We won't go on the seas.

Speaker 2 And she's like, basically like, no, I'm going to be really, I'll see you tonight. I'll see you tonight.
I'm minimizing my shep time. Please go.
Stop texting me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So everybody else has decided to just leave Shep because he's pathetic.
Well, mostly Craig. He's like, we're leaving.
So they go to the boat instead. And Shep is like, what a predicament.

Speaker 1 And then they're deciding that they're just going to fucking leave him because they're sick of listening to him. And now Whitney is also not coming because, you know.

Speaker 1 No one in this cast comes to work whenever they don't want to. And they're like, yeah, he's a vampire.
So Matt, Molly's like, I mean, I just, I don't even get it with JT.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm trying to be nice and just be like, I'm going to try and understand. But, like, he knew what he had to do and he can't even apologize.
So, whatever. He can fuck right off.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So, Santa replies and says, um, I don't know how late I'm going to be.
Why don't I just see you later at dinner? So then Shep tries to call her. And of course, she doesn't take the call.

Speaker 2 Like, I mean, I'm cringe.

Speaker 2 Everything about this makes me cringe for Shep. Like, like oh my god she doesn't like you why are you now calling her on top of that why are you being so clingy and needy stop it

Speaker 2 so um

Speaker 2 everyone's on the everyone's getting on the boat and craig is like he's in his 40s he'll make his own decisions all we can do is lend our opinion of it and if he takes it he takes it

Speaker 1 And Taylor's like, yeah, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. He's not going to, he's going to do what he wants to do.
And I can tell you this much.

Speaker 1 What he's going to want to do is not own his emotions. Oh, what are you talking about? He's over there, like rolling around in them, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like trying to get anybody to believe that he has them in the first place. So, uh, Shep just writes her back, Gorsh, I really wanted you to come with us.

Speaker 1 We could have done the Titanic thing on the front of the boat, except you would have been the one to drown and die instead, because I'm rich, but still,

Speaker 1 whatever. I guess I'll see you back at the hotel.
Google, google, go, go, go.

Speaker 1 So he walks to the boat like as slowly as possible. And by the way, he's in a bright pink matching shorts romper.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he just much funnier.

Speaker 2 And he just is like his sad walk is so sad.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh, gosh, gosh, gosh.

Speaker 2 Like that, those hands are flapping more, swinging really sadly, and his head is hung down. And everyone's watching him approach the boat.
And everyone's like, oh, shop.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at the walk.

Speaker 2 Sad little walk, you know and so he comes on board and they're like like oh shap and they're hugging him he's like gosh

Speaker 1 gosh

Speaker 1 sally's like i mean i feel bad looking at him because you know he does look so sad but he'll get over it that's life yeah i might have suggested first step find a parking space at great american that's right

Speaker 2 So my mask is like, hey, Molly, go kiss him.

Speaker 1 Go kiss and make him feel better.

Speaker 2 So Craig's like, look, I want us all to have fun because that's what you do when you break up.

Speaker 2 Although I'm not sure you really broke up because you had to be together in the first place, but you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then there's a record scratch because Taylor's like, gross. She turns around.
She doesn't like that. So then Austin goes to talk to Shep and,

Speaker 1 you know, they're trying to make him happy, but it's not really working because, you know, Shep's just so, so sad.

Speaker 1 So then Sally checks in then they get in the water and Shep's like I wanted her to come but she's running late So I just texted her and said meet me back at the hotel I mean, but this this was her idea.

Speaker 1 This whole trip. This whole trip was her.
It just makes no sense

Speaker 2 Yeah, Samas like oh good God. Could someone get him a drink? So then so Shep is like I'm just gonna have fun.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna have fun.

Speaker 2 So they get to like uh they're they're gonna go to Rose Isle so Shep is like my island no man is an island unless they have one

Speaker 2 so um they uh they they go there and there's like there's funny party times on on the boat and everything and then you know, they'll say, oh, if you have, if your hand is on the pole for three seconds, you have the rule of the boat is you have to do a dance on the pole.

Speaker 2 So it's all kind of like fun stuff. And

Speaker 1 they're all like, yeah, we need to get Shep drunk because he's spiraling right now yeah so then um molly's talking to shep leader and uh she's like yeah i haven't had sex in over a year it's like been nuts like i don't even know what it's like to have sex as an obese person yet and he's like you've been celibate she's like i mean i masturbate you know so there's that so that's fun you know i mean i'm not you know i got a vibrator and he's like wow well i didn't want to say it she's like i mean come on i'm not a nun okay

Speaker 1 so austin saying well i don't know you know like i don't know what the situation is, but, you know, nobody can make you get over someone except for yourself, you know?

Speaker 1 Your friends can be like, come on, man. But, you know, until you stop feeling like, this is insane.
What are you going to do? You know, so then Vanita, Taylor, and Rodrigo are talking.

Speaker 1 And Vanita's like, yeah, you know, JT really hurt my feelings because he wouldn't come on the boat. And I said, do it for me.
But then he wouldn't come on the boat for me.

Speaker 1 And I was like, wow, that really hurts. Okay, you're another one.
You just, why don't you just date Shep?

Speaker 1 yeah you're both pathetic at this point like stop the man said he doesn't want you stop texting him

Speaker 2 rodrigo's like plot twist jt's with sienna ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i'm shook so jt's packing up all his stuff and then we go back to uh vanita and she's like jt's my best friend so it's hard to have everyone come at him at the table he was like i'm stressed i feel like i'm getting beat up all the time and i'm like well you got to make it right like you're allowing everyone to beat you up right now because you're not speaking so um jt's like well, I'm leaving the Bahamas because I see Mission Impossible right now with the friend group.

Speaker 1 And so please, you're just picking that movie because he's also short. Yeah.
So then he's packing up and it's the longest five minute packing scene I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 Like, well, we're paying this man, so we might as well get him doing something. Let's watch him put his stuff into packing cubes.
So we watch that for a while and then he leaves and he's like.

Speaker 1 See you later, NASA.

Speaker 1 And he's out. So then back to the boat.
Austin's like, hey, Sally, show him your chits. There's a boat over there.

Speaker 1 Why is everybody telling Sally to do that all the time? For Sally.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 then Austin's like, hey, Molly, Molly, do you think Shep's tongue would taste like sandpaper? And she's like, do I think his tongue would taste like sandpaper? Well, why don't you try it out?

Speaker 1 He's like, gosh, it's been a year. It's been a year.
I'm doing her a favor.

Speaker 2 So Molly's like, I feel like I'm at a middle school dance and everybody's like, go dance with him. But then I'm dancing with a tuba.
Oh, flashbacks. So then

Speaker 2 they have, they hug and it's like cute and everything.

Speaker 1 And I'm not buying anything

Speaker 1 either. I'm not buying that Molly likes Shep or that Shep's even considering this.
It's kind of bad. It's kind of bad improv at this point.
So then Craig is doing some ocean euphemisms.

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, you know what I always say? Go where the tide. is

Speaker 2 they're like yes well done craig So Madison and Shep sit on a boat together because they're on the island. They're just like going to hang out.

Speaker 1 And Shep is like, gosh, Cianna and I, we went around that point and she was like, I want you to buy me that house.

Speaker 2 And Mask goes, shut up.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, it was like a $10 million house. And I was like, I don't know.
Hey, do you feel like maybe you're not rich enough for her? And Shep goes, yeah, maybe I do.

Speaker 2 I'm like, wait a second, what is this narrative? Like, no, she's not a gold digger. She has TV.
She sees who you you are. She talked with you.

Speaker 2 She got tuna salad spat out her face when you talked with your mouth open. Okay.
Like, it doesn't have to do with money. No.

Speaker 1 That's what happens when you don't give a guy like Shep what you want. He immediately starts calling you a gold digging slut.

Speaker 1 That's what happens. That's classy change Shep for you guys.

Speaker 1 But then to be fair, he goes, but then again, who am I? Who the fuck am I? I'm a fucking wild son of a bitch. Sort of a disaster zone.

Speaker 2 Yes, that's probably the stronger point then that Sienna wants someone someone who can afford more than a $10 million home.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he doesn't really believe that. He just wants some pretty girl to tell him he's worth something, you know, which Madison doesn't, which I really like.

Speaker 1 At first, at least she's like, yeah, but you are sort of miss. How am I a good idea for anybody? I mean, who wants to wake up to somebody who's got a mailbox full of their daddy's money?

Speaker 1 No one, probably.

Speaker 1 Who wants someone handsome and set for life? No one.

Speaker 1 I've read Shakespeare.

Speaker 1 I'm realizing that in the past, I was a wild man. But you know what, though? Last night counts as the past and today is the now.

Speaker 1 So I'm feeling a bit inadequate because a lot of girls are seeing, seeking a stable life. And I'm like, Mr.
Toad's wild ride. So I don't know.

Speaker 1 Isn't that ride closed?

Speaker 2 No, it's not. I recently went on it.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 I went on it with a cold brew. Yeah, which was a fun experience.

Speaker 2 I took an illegal cold brew, you weren't supposed to have in a cold brew, but I was like, I told, I was told the person I was getting on, I was like, what do I do with this cold brew?

Speaker 2 And he was like, just hold it low so the cameras don't see you.

Speaker 1 So I had a crazy break. He was like, just fucking take it.
It's Mr. Toad's.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 2 if I'm going to hell, I'm going to hell with a cold brew.

Speaker 2 That's what happens on that ride. You go to hell.

Speaker 2 That's the whole point of the ride.

Speaker 1 So Madison's like, you deserve to be much, loved as much as you're giving her. So, you know, fakely.
And he's like, oh, thank you so much. Wow.

Speaker 1 She goes, Everybody deserves to be someone with loves, someone, everybody deserves to be with someone that loves them, even Shep.

Speaker 1 So she's trying to be sad for him, but it's Shep, you know. And so she's like, Who ever thought I'd be sitting here talking you off a ledge? He's like, Oh, she's so angry about it.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank God we know now she's just a gold-digging slut and I can move on with my life.

Speaker 1 There we go. That's my boy.

Speaker 2 And that was the episode. So next week, it looks like Sienna is finally going to tell him, I don't want to be in a relationship with you.
We never were in love. We weren't even boyfriend, girlfriend.

Speaker 2 Stop. Goodbye.
Get out of my face. I'm looking forward to it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I hope they have another six episodes this season.
They're really making it happen. All right, everybody.
Thanks so much for being here for Watch What Crappens.

Speaker 1 We will be back later today with a Traders Recap, and we'll be back next week with just all sorts of stuff.

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Speaker 2 Picture this.

Speaker 3 You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange. The horizon doesn't look right.
At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 3 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 3 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 3 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 3 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

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