#2737 Southern Charm S10E11 Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)

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See nerdwallet.com for details. Hello and welcome to much that crappens? showing up hello well yeah of course of course well i just was afraid you'd ghost me you know gosh i sent you so many texts and i just don't want you to deny how much you love me oh god this this episode's so fun for people who want the man on this show to get their come up it's so fucking funny i love it yeah it was so good uh talking southern charm of course uh and dive into that, next month, we are going back out on the road to the South, in fact, and many other places.
Starting on Pi Day, March 14th, we're going to Cincinnati, and then Minneapolis and Toronto, and then here's where we're really going in the South. Charlotte, North Carolina, Atlanta, Atlanta, and then we have DC and Philadelphia.
So really, we're only going to two places in the South. But you know what I'm saying? I was just trying to make a thematic tie into our show.
So go to watchcrappens.com to get your tickets. We're gonna have a lot of fun at those shows.
And of course, as we approach those dates, we'll have a clearer understanding of what shows we'll be recapping at those live shows

so come join us and of course you can join us on patreon uh patreon.com slash watch what happens for all sorts of things including bonus episodes where we are recapping the traders which just aired last night and we have a lot to say about it i'm sure so uh keep an ear and eye out for all all that stuff.

And otherwise, we're just happy to have you here.

Well, howdy, everybody.

Yeah. it i'm sure so uh keep an ear and eye out for all that stuff and uh otherwise we're just happy to have you here well howdy everybody um i don't know i'm sad because i'm not in los angeles right now and i got a video on my ring cam of a cowboy coming to my house and i don't know what that's about but he's got a cowboy hat and cowboy boots and he's ringing the bell and looking in the doorbell i'm like oh my gosh i'm reading lonesome devon cowboy showed up at my house i feel like i'm just like secreting everything right now yeah that's great that's a great use of the secret um uh i used uh i used the secret last night which is that i was at playing games at my friend's house and her uh her partner was watching uh jack reacher on the TV in the other room.

And I kept on looking over there and I was like, let me use the secret to make Alan Richardson take his shirt off.

And you know what?

Lo and behold, he took his shirt off.

I was like, see, that's a great use of the secret.

Who's Alan Richardson?

Richardson?

Alan Richardson.

He's like the star of Jack Reacher.

He was on American Idol back like 20 years ago.

And then he's been just sort of suddenly getting more and more muscly, probably steroids. I'm just going to say it.
I'm just going to say it guys. It just can't be anything other than that.
I'm sorry. I'm going to, it's my hot take on this guy.
I'm getting testosterone in my butt and I'm not more muscly. Is that a different thing? This guy is enormous now.
He was like an, he was Aquaman or something like that. And every time he shows up in pop culture, he's just like bigger and bigger and bigger.
And now he's just massive. So good for him.
Well, Hey, congrats. I keep getting bigger and bigger too.
He's hot. He is hot.
Yeah. I know who you're talking about now.
I can't, I get them confused between Jack Reacher and then the guy that the Jim from the office is, he's another one. John, yeah.
Yeah, Jim from The Office is in something like Jack Ryan, maybe? Oh, Jack Ryan and Jack Reacher. Okay.
Well, no wonder it's confusing. Too many Jacks.
Too many Jacks. Are they in the same world? They're like, well, straight guys fighting terrorists.
The extended Jack universe. Yeah, one of them.
I think it was the Reacher one because he's the one I didn't know who he was. But I was like, oh, he's hot.
But I read a headline that he's like, people are mean to me because I'm Christian. I was like, oh, be quiet.
People are mean to you because you work out too much and we're all terrified of you. Okay? Yeah.
Take it that way. Just listen to what your mother probably tells you.
They're just jealous, honey. They're just jealous.
Well, he's super hot and I'm really glad he took his shirt off in the middle of the board game i was playing yay secret so um i know someone who would like to use the secret and his name is shep and he'd like to use the secret to make his quote quote girlfriend text him back and like him well that's the sad part about it is that is exactly what he's doing he just assumes that that he can pick somebody just to pick some young, gorgeous person. And then you tell them you're my girlfriend now.
And then that's it. That's all he has to do.
He doesn't have to ask her any questions, find out anything about her. It's just, nope, you're my girlfriend.
And I heard that on the after show, Shep said that this girl had told him the week before Bahamas. She's like, we need to talk.
And he said, no, let's do it on camera. So that's how he fucking is.
And you see, he's doing the same thing that Craig does in previous seasons, like when Naomi tried to break up with Craig. And he was like, there's no reason for us to break up.
Like, what are you talking about? Like that delusional thing where he just won't let you break up, you know? And I think that's what Shep is doing, too. The men on the show are so fucking delusional.
You don't get to just go pick whoever you want and then make them like you back. That's not how it fucking works, sir.
And also people on Twitter and social media need to relax because I went on there and there are some people who are like, I have to say, I'm not a Shep fan, but Sienna was so mean to Shep. Sienna was so cold.
I mean, honestly, that attitude that Sienna had was so awful. I mean, honestly, Sienna was way nicer than she ever needed to be.
I thought she was perfectly fine. And Shep is the DeLulu one here.
Don't, like, do not put this onto Sienna. This poor, like, she just is, like, along for the ride.
She's like, let me see. This guy's too much.
Don't act like you haven't been in a situation where someone's been like, like coming on really strong and you sort of don't know how to let them down. So you sort of just smile politely until you figure out how to deal with the situation.
People are so unreasonable. I mean, I don't know.
I have no, I have total, I have total sympathy for her. And I'm team Sienna in this and not just because Shep's a dried apple you know monkey paw but i think that um i don't know where that came from but uh i think that she's completely lovely she shows up she smiles she's very nice to everybody all of his friends she's very polite like what do you want from the girl and craig's like oh my god i read her character the second she walked in what did she do she walked in smiled and said hello to you all like why is she such a bad person she was the one who's uncomfortable is some fucking old creep who's stalking a girl 20 years younger than him he's a fucking stalker and he's a creep and you think girls like this don't have to deal with old fucking gross men like this all the time just coming in and being like oh yeah baby i'm gonna take you away we're gonna fucking get married and have babies and do all of this shit she's heard it nine million times shep you're not the first person to come on to this girl she's a fucking 25 year old beauty queen dude now that said she came out with some tiktoks and they're painful to get through really painful her side of the story or whatever well her side apparently is that whitney she didn't contact whitney at all because the claim on this show is of course Whitney saying oh she contacted me before she ever contacted

Shep mother which is not true he actually contacted her first on Raya and she posted

the receipts online which I thought was hilarious and then um she's talking about basically she's

trying to go on and on about Shep I wish that I could recap all the tea but I fell asleep every

She's not someone who's going to be known as a great orator. Let's just say that.
Oh, OK. But still Team Sienna.
You know, awkward. Yeah.
Awkward TikToks aside. I'm still Team Sienna.
He's gross. He's a stalker.
And his friends should stop. His friends should say, stop coming onto children so strongly.
At this point, you're disgusting. Yeah.
And I just I also did not like Craig's comment that he like didn't like Sienna's energy. Sienna was feeling awkward as fuck.
This guy that she doesn't even want to be with. She's on camera because she's like, well, I guess I'll do this, you know, whatever.
Of course, she's going to she's she's actually trying to put out the awkward vibes. That way Shep doesn't get messages and craig's like whoa she's like really mean i don't like her oh shut up craig i'm such a great judge of character didn't you didn't you um invest in jd's business shut the up you're not a good judge of character well i think i kind of wish he applied his whatever yeah exactly whatever man he's like i gave him a hundred thousand000.
I mean, he's such a good guy. Person who was friends with Thomas.
Person who stood against Catherine. Person who, get out of here with your judge of character, Mr.
Schmack. Yeah, honestly.
Craig bragging about how he's such a good judge of energies with Sienna and yet can't even tell that his own girlfriend clearly doesn't want to live with him or have a baby with him. And then that shocked when it happened, like gets to a breaking point.
Sorry. So, um, this was fun.
Okay. Great recap.
Bye. Thanks everyone.
That was the episode. So it's 7 30 PM.
So last we left off, Shep wants Sienna to dress him and she's like, okay, bye. I'm going to be down.
No, but we have to be together while I put on my flip-flops so I want you to see me in my underwear surely that'll change the course of our relationship chef no you don't okay here's two things that you don't want this woman to do see you in your underwear and watch you eat and you proceed to do both of those things okay don't ask me why none of this worked out it's plainly clear sir yeah exactly so uh meanwhile everyone's going getting ready to go down to dinner uh molly has a migraine so her lights are off and everything she's not going to come in vanita based times the salad molly you need okay this i'm sorry ben that i keep going off we're not going to make it anywhere in this room and by the way i like this before the recap, too. I just kept talking.
Go off, King. Go off.
I'm so sorry. It's rude.
But I just have to say because of this Molly thing. You're like, yeah.
Now I'm in a cow sweater. What do you think? What do you think of mine? He's taking off his sweater.
He's like, not only am I going to go off, I'm going to take off my sweater. I'm going to go off on a strip.
Andre Leon Talley over there. Molly, this is not only to you.
This is for half the cast who missed their flights. Okay.
You guys, this is a job. You have to show up and do your fucking job.
Molly just being in bed all the time. Molly, here's what you've given this season.
A tuba and complaining about being fat when you're as big as my pinky. Okay.
That's all you've given us. No, I like Molly.
I'm glad she's on the show. I'm actually somewhat interested in the tuba journey okay and somewhat but that's just a somewhat you need to get your ass out of bed and go to work okay and everybody who's showing up late what is jt showing up late for get your ass to work you're barely even invited on this trip sir vanita you've done nothing but shoot dogs with your scenes with your dog except for maybe two episodes this season and you do get extra points for trying to pretend that you can stomach JD.
Okay. I do give you extra points for that.
You need to show up for your flight, man. All of you.
Whitney, what are you doing? That was shocking. Well, first of all, I will have some grace for Molly.
She had a migraine, so I'm going to let her have that. But the others, I mean, I don't know.
I had a sneaking suspicion. None of them missed their flights.
I think think that production was just staggering them i think production didn't want everyone all at once they wanted to have a moment with this the core cast and then bring the extras in so i personally my conspiracy theory is that no one missed their flights they were on the flights they were supposed to be on um well that would but if they did but if they did then they need to go fucking figure stuff out because that's way too many people missing flights i'm sorry yeah i get people get migraines and all of that. make me happier.
But if they did, then they need to go fucking figure stuff out.

Because that's way too many people missing flights.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I get people get migraines and all of that.

I just feel like a lot of Molly's stuff is like...

I feel like they led with Molly this season.

And she's just not into it.

Yeah, they led with Molly this season.

It seemed like she was going to be the next big thing.

But then I think actually it really became a Sally season. And Molly has been fine.
But I think Sally is the future. It seemed like she was going to be the next big thing, but then I think actually it really became a Sally season and Molly has been

fine,

but I think Sally is the future.

I really like Sally a lot.

Yeah,

I really,

so people are showing up and Vinita is going to come tomorrow.

She says that she lost her passport,

but I don't believe so.

So then Molly is basically just saying like,

yeah,

I had too much to drink,

whatever.

So now we go back to Shep.

This is all we care about going back to Shep. So Shep comes down the staircase with his lemur arms swinging by his knees.
And he's like, oh gosh, is it okay? Can I wear flip-flops? Which, no, you should not be wearing flip-flops. But Sienna doesn't care.
And Sienna, in fact, probably wants to, like her little revenge is to set him up for failure. So she's like, yeah, no, flip-flops look great.
They great. So he's in like these khakis and flip flops.
And I say this as someone who wears flip flops, maybe to too many places. I guess I'm like, Craig, I can recognize the flaws in other people and other relationships and other flip flops, but maybe not in myself.
But even I could tell you, don't wear flip flops with those pants. Well, I think in the Bahamas, you're allowed.
I think the biggest defense was his shirt because his shirt looked like an std under a microscope i don't know why he wore that shirt you look like syphilis sir why are you dressed like syphilis and trying to woo this girl please don't eat and then he eats i just um i do love sienna's face though because every her face in this entire episode is like uh-huh uh-huh and she's always looking down and away from him.

Like,

just don't look at him.

Don't look at him.

Get that signature for your grandmother and get the fuck out of here.

Okay.

Exactly.

And she's like,

Oh,

you look amazing.

Let's go to dinner with other people.

So we don't have to have one-on-one time.

And she's like,

he's like,

thanks.

Hey,

gosh,

I just want to sit down.

Ah,

okay.

Ah,

I'm panting.

Gosh,

I don't know.

We haven't seen each other in over a month.

and I'll see to sit down. Ah, ah, okay.
Ah, I'm panting. Karsh, I don't know.
We haven't seen each other in over a month and a half. And I feel like I keep on trying to get you to start the Vietnam War.
And you won't start it. And that kind of makes me feel bad.
But anyway, ah, so. And she's like, well, lots, you know, lots happened since then.
You know, I went to another country to try to get away from you and you still tracked me down.

No, but OK, so what has happened?

I don't know.

I don't know anything that's happening in your life. It's like, yeah, read the writing on the wall.

Yeah.

Also, if somebody tells you off camera they need to have a talk with you, don't save it till on camera.

Because I think in this girl's mind, she's like, I'm clearly trying to break up with you and you know it.

And now you're forcing me to look stupid on TV or you're trying to villainize me on TV and act like we've been together this whole time, which we haven't been. So then they head to dinner and Craig and Austin are gossiping with the gang.
And Craig's like, so no word on what happened upstairs. And Austin's like, dude, I haven't heard from him.
Like, I'm sure he's just going to join his dinner at some point, right?

I mean, what's going to happen?

What's going to happen with Shab?

Yeah, he's like, of course he didn't come.

And then Craig is like, alone.

And then they're talking about is Sienna there?

And Craig's like, you could, the tension was like,

you could cut it with a knife.

It was like a wall.

Just like the walls in my home.

The tension was like a wall. I could cut cut it i'm a very good read of character and i watched enough 90 day fiance to know that it just like didn't feel right like whatever shep thought was real didn't exist and by the way speaking 90 day fiance we got several messages last week we're like k1 that for employment? What is Greg you been talking about? Yeah, it turns out there's a K1 for this kind of bullshit.
I even said last week, I know that I'm speaking from a place where someone's going to write me and talk about how stupid I am for not knowing what a K1 is, but even when I Googled it, and then people were like, you guys really have to watch 90 Day Fiance. No.
No. It's like, it's a two hour show.
Right? It's like two hours. It's very slow.
I'm sorry. It does not.
People have been for years. Are you guys going to watch 90 Day Fiance? I have tried.
It does not speak to me. I am a Bravo girly.
I expect a certain level of quality in my reality shows and i'm sorry tlc does not cut it for me yeah if i wanted to watch a bunch of old white men try and talk people from another country into pretending they're attractive for ten thousand dollars a year i'd go to the country club my dad golfs you see that shit all the time over there and you know what what else you see? People like Sienna looking at the men like this. Cause they're like, Hey honey, I can, I can give you a good life.
I can see our children. She's just like, please just take your margarita, please.
Wait, can we talk about something else? Uh, not, I'm not trying to change the subject, but there's something I just noticed in the notes that I feel like we really have to address. Cause it happens a this episode.
Like whoever was in charge of this cue just had a field day. So we talk a lot about how on Bravo, when something happens, a lot of times you'll hear a tsss or maybe you'll hear a brr.
But on Southern Charm, and only on Southern Charm, do you hear the sound of a pianist crashing their hands onto the piano key and it happened so many times this episode i was cracking up and i almost forgot and i'm so glad that our note taker mentioned that thank you so thank you so much for for mentioning that because i was it was like a shepard like, so Sienna, I was thinking maybe we could get married someday.

It's like, plunk.

The other thing that they do on this show, I mean, the music department on this show is amazing.

We've always loved the music department.

But another one they really do a lot is the rattle.

Where they go, brrr.

They use like an actual rattling thing from an orchestra.

And that always makes you laugh.

Whenever someone says something shitty, they're like. Yeah.
So thank you, Shelby, for including the piano crash, because it is every time it happens. I just think it's so funny because it's also like the most emotionally true stinger that Bravo has.
It's like whatever Shep is like doing something right something right so the piano's i was like and then he like ruins the moment it's like oh yes it's also very shep pretending that he's like someone who would be like i'm a pianist and then just you're like okay play me a song like listening to me try and play after all my piano classes it's like playing super mario and you know you have that beautiful calypso music playing and then you fall into a pit and you die and so it's like that's like that's what the piano crash music is like you just like you know whoops or like the pac-man yeah but there's just something so like perfect about all those keys getting mashed all at once yeah well i know what's going on here because i watch 90 day fiance so i'm a really good read of character oh really how's that ring shopping going that you're doing on your own okay so how's it being negative 365 fiance? At least those people got 90 days under the belt.

Bitch.

So then we go back to Sienna and Shep, and Shep's like, I mean, Sienna, obviously we both came out of the gate awfully hot.

Remember that time I took off my pants and you said, please don't.

But I did anyway.

God, that was hot.

It was so passionate and wonderful and true.

That's true, right?

She's like, we had a lot of fun.

Yeah.

And then it got hotter and heavier. And as far as what we were saying to one another, like, you're so hot.
You remind me of episode three of the Vietnam documentary. You really have to watch it, Sienna, to get my references.
She's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then I thought maybe the universe brought brought us together we're the big bang like

maybe you would mention to me you know well we'd have the prettiest babies we'd have these beautiful

kids who are smart and they'd be connected to nature and the ocean and we'd live all over

together and have adventures and she's like oh that was in my mind that's what what you were

saying in my mind what the fuck is wrong with you bro this is creepy it's so much i was

I'm going to go ahead and his fingernail fell off. And I was like, ah.
And the other was this. This is as bad as watching someone's fingernail fall off to me.
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When you see this kind of behavior, you break it up. You know what I mean? You're like, that's a woman who's being pestered and has a high chance of being assaulted.
Period. You break it up.
If some creepy old man is coming onto some fucking model at the the bar and won't stop and start saying like but in my mind you want to have babies with me and you want that's when you're cut off and i call you a cap sir that's a good idea um so shep is like i was like you make my life better i mean for the three seconds that you're in my life when you answer my texts and And you make me want to be a better man. I mean, want to be a better man.
I don't actually be a better man. And I'm just wildly attracted to you.
I know. And I'm actually in love with you.
The pianist is like, geez, I just got up off the floor. Okay, hold on, everyone.
And she was just kind of looking around like, uh-huh. And so now, and, you know, again, a lot of the discourse online is like, what a bitch.
He's pouring out her heart. And she's sitting there giving him creepy.
Get out of my space. He's not pouring out his heart.
Stop standing up for this man like he's a hero. Stop it.
No, he's not pouring out his heart. He's doing the hard sell for her to complete his fantasy of what his life should be like.
That's all it is. This is not love.
This is not desire. This is someone who has been adrift at sea while everyone else has found their mooring.
And now he's doing the thing where he has figured out what he wants his life to be, which is to be married with an impossibly gorgeous woman down in the tropics, enjoying life on the beach. All is good.
Drinking your can of Red Stripe or your bottle of Red Stripe. And everything is wonderful.
And she's basically saying, no, I'm not going to let you have that fantasy right now. And so he is conflating that with love.
And he is that like he loves her but no he loves that she is the final piece of the puzzle that he thinks he needs that he saw in ayahuasca journey town that he thinks was going to take him out from the depths of all of last season and and his all his problems and she's saying no and it's going to it's going to shatter his worldview and he's gonna have to crawl back like rumpelstiltskin up to charleston and be the same shep he always was but i've got a riddle for you it's like oh shut up shepelstiltskin yeah shepelgarskin um yeah i don't even give him enough credit in real in that i believe that he really wants this i don't think that he does i think that he's purposely picked somebody who doesn't live near him and who pays him no mind and he knows nothing about that he figures because she's with a family that's like a fan of the show, like her grandma's in the fan club or president of the fan club or whatever. She's going to do whatever she wants and just be so grateful to be on TV that she'll just go along with whatever bullshit he says because he's had the worst couple of seasons as far as how he treats women.
So he doesn't want to actually have to treat one well, which he would if he had to date locally and somebody who was on the show. It's kind of like Austin's doing.
So they're dating these people who are very far away and that we never see and that we'll just say yes to whatever they want to do and be compliant. And the meanwhile, Shep can still be drunk every night and go fuck whoever he wants in Charleston.
So I don't even believe that he really wants this. I believe he's just trying to cast somebody to fix his reputation.
I don't believe for one second he wants this because he's laying it on so thick like, oh, my gosh, all I wanted was children. And you made me think you wanted it, too.
She never made you think that. She won't even call you back, bro.
Yeah, it's not good. She's just not that into you she's just not into garsh god so so now everyone is getting seated and everything uh at the table and they're they're like they're like should we put shep and cn in the middle or at the end and everyone's gonna like put them in the middle because they all just want to eavesdrop except for taylor of of course.
She's like, put them at the end. People online also are being very mean to Taylor because they're like, what is she doing? Why is she even on the show? I have to admit, I have defended Taylor in the past because I think she got a raw deal with Shep.
But I do think I am questioning why she's on this season. I don't think she adds much.
But people are like, she's jealous and she's bitter.

And I actually will defend her on this.

I think she has a right to be jealous and bitter because she went through the whole Shep circus.

And I'm going to allow her a little bit of a victory lap right now as she watches Shep get turned inside out by Sienna.

I think that Taylor deserves this.

And I'm going to let her have it.

Um, I think she still loves Shep.

Well,

yeah,

obviously.

So it's hard for me to respect her.

It's just hard.

I'm sorry.

I mean,

I've always stood up for Taylor too on this show when it was versus Shep,

but now that it's just Taylor lingering around to just kind of still be in

love with Shep from the sidelines.

It's like,

well, you don't respect her cause she loves Shep.

Yeah.

I,

I don't,

it's like people,

it's like people like who just bought a cyber truck.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I'm sorry.

Wow.

If you got one before.

Okay.

But if you get one like today,

I'm sorry.

I'm not going to respect you.

Yeah.

That's I do draw lines that way.

You bought one before. Do she, if you bought one now it's douchey and awful it's evil like at this point you're evil you know maybe maybe this is like the softy of me but I don't I don't discredit Taylor for loving Shep from afar I think that she loved Shep and she realized it was never ever going to work so but I can understand if she's still in love with him.
I just think that he treated her like shit. And she realized as much as she loves this guy, she has to – she can't be with him.
And I think that's hard for her. But anyway, whatever about that.
I just think that she is owed a – I think she's allowed to sit and laugh and watch Shep just get humiliated on this show. Well, the living and laughing is when I like it.
It's the stuff with the, you know, like when she was getting weird with when Rodrigo was playing the phone call over FaceTime or whatever on speaker phone and she was, I don't know, it's just that she seems in love with him. And this isn't like blame the victim kind of thing because I didn't feel that way when she was together.
I mean, I get that that's something where you're together with someone. I just mean like after all of this, like you're still in love with Shep, at some point I just have to walk away, like as a friend, which I know we're not friends.
Well, it's more like we want her, it's time for you to move on, Taylor. I would kick her out of the empty van.
I would be like, there are people who actually want my help in here. Get out of my empty van.
I would pull the van over and I would kick her out. I would say to Taylor, it is time to move on and what you're going to have to do is leave this show because it's not healthy for you you need to be away from him so that way like you can really focus on she's an influencer now so she won't yeah so now we go back to chef and Sienna's just doing that smile thing like please someone save me and chef's like I don't want to put you on the spot i just i don't even know where we stand will you marry me and she's like uh well i mean on my end of things i just feel like we never really defined what this relationship i was like are you do you have a doll that you're trying to throw your voice for she's very howdy doody, well, I just don't think that we've ever really defined things, so.
She's leaning into her pageant training as strongly as she can. And Shep is like, but you had to have known how I felt, right? She's like, yeah, well, now I do, 100%, now I do.
He's like, okay, let's just hold it there. Let's have a group scene and you'll see,

I'll be with friends and I'll be charming and then you'll fall in love with me. And he's like, life is way too short to ignore a strong feeling about somebody, you know, in a relationship.
I'm like, yeah, that's why she's not spending more time with you. Life is too short to spend time with Shep.
Life is too short to spend time with someone whose life is too short. That's what I think she's thinking.

And also he keeps doing this thing with her where he's like, okay, so this is how I feel.

Okay, hold off, hold off.

Because he doesn't want her to break up with him and he knows she's about to.

And it's just so unfair.

He keeps acting like they're having these deep discussions.

No, you are having these discussions with yourself.

And then every time she tries to come back and say her side, you stop her and wait for, you know, wait for another scene. Yeah.
So they go down to dinner and he like links arms with her and she just seems so unhappy about this. So they show up and everything.
And so Sienna hugs everyone and says hi. What a bitch.

I know.

That attitude that she has of being friendly with cast members, it's just.

What a horrible person.

What horrible energy she has.

She's like, hi, everybody.

So good to see you again.

I think last time I saw you was at your dog party.

So nice to see you.

Greg's like, bitch. So Shep runs over to pull out um sienna's chair and madison's like honestly anything ship does especially when it's romantic or at least trying to make us believe he's romantic i'm like ew no this is awful yeah and she's calling it too when she says at least trying to make us believe he's romantic.
So Taylor is like, this is going to make me throw up. And so, you know, they're making small talk.
And the waitress comes over and goes, OK, guys, hi, I'm your waitress tonight. Does anybody have any food allergies? And Craig goes, I'm allergic to dog.
OK. So it turns out that big Craig is allergic to little Craig.
And Sienna's like, oh, join the club. Maybe not the fucking idiot.
I'm allergic to dog. So Sienna's like, yeah, join the club.
And we see flashback of how Sienna was complaining about little Craig farting in bed, you know, back when Sienna was willing to even get into a bed with Shep. And everyone's like horrified.
Austin especially looks horrified by little Craig's guest. Oh, it's insane right now.
Madison's like, Sienna, well, we probably haven't seen y'all since you last saw each other, right? This is my way of opening up the conversation of where the hell have you been? And Sienna's like, yeah, last time I was at that donkey. And also say at the same time that we haven't seen you and neither is Shep.
So for somebody so in love, you sure haven't seen Shep much, huh? And Shep is like, oh, Karsh, I forgot to bring your boots. You left your boots at my house.
Oh, well, I guess you'll have to come to Charleston. Yeah.
And she's like, I'll buy more. And he's like, what if I wear them? So then the food comes and Austin's like, Shab, Shab, Shab, let's go to the bar.
Let's go to the bar, bro. Let's go to the bar.
So they go to have their little side conversation.

And meanwhile, Sally's like, hey, come on in here, girl.

Let's have some goss.

And she's like, oh, finally, I'm at the fun part of the table.

Old man McSyphilis shirt is gone.

Am I right?

Gonorrhea, girl.

So then I'm just trying to make a bun.

I think we actually titled one of our Watch What Crappens gonorrhea girl. Gone, comma, aria girl.
Guess what? This is the party side of the table. They don't have dogs here, so I can breathe easy.
And Madison's like, I'm shocked to see you here today. I mean, just because I know he was a little nervous because I hear you've been playing hard to get.

But I think that's good for him.

She goes, have I been playing hard to get or am I hard to get?

I was like, yes.

Yes, Sienna.

Madison's like, oh, yeah, that's what we're looking for.

Tell us more about you.

None of us have anything going on at this table.

Go ahead, baby.

Go on.

And did you notice that Rodrigo kept speaking in this episode, but they didn't even turn his mic on i love the production of the production's like you are not forcing us to deal with rodrigo no we're not turning on his mic half the time you just see rodrigo's mouth like talking to people and you never hear what he's saying he should really be there with sienna and then she could like talk through her mouth and he can talk with an open he can flap his lips with no sound coming out and they could do like a little ventriloquist act yeah so um he's basically everyone is just quietly and politely and happily segueing into okay sienna do you want to talk shit about shep because this is a safe space to do that if you want to talk shit you can you can tell us everything don't worry it'll be safe yeah and they tell him straight up like they tell her straight up like Shep is this guy has this reputation like he treats women like shit he's never you know in love with anybody but now all of a sudden he's in love with you and it's super weird so what's going on and she's like well I love him he's amazing world peace um you know big I'm really big on people who don't have an education getting educated, and I don't like global warming either. They're like, okay, let's stop with the beauty pageant answers, honey.
And Tully's like, yeah, he said the love word. And she's like, oh, well, he's a great person, and we've had a lot of fun time together not polluting oceans um and then we got to austin and shep sitting somewhere talking about it and austin's like well let me be the first to start out by saying that i was very pleased obviously that the two of you came to dinner and shep was like gosh yeah i said everything i wanted to say cut back to cut back to this awful moment uh where he's you know talk talking to sienna we could have babies we could have little children that look kind of like you and kind of like me and um yeah but you never let her say what she wanted to say and then she's like i didn't know you ever thought this and i was like damn it because it's like it's like only been like a long weekend every time we hang out you know so maybe she I didn't know you ever thought this.
And I was like, damn it. Because it's like, it's like only been like a long weekend every time we hang out, you know.
So maybe she just didn't know. So we go back to the party side of the table.
And Madison's like, OK, Sienna, I have a real question. She's like, OK, are you and Chip actually together? And Sienna's like, um, she like takes a sip.
She goes, as of right now, Which, by the way, you already know the answer is no. If the answer is as of right now, question mark.
And Matt's like, yes. And, you know, Sally's like, are you exclusive? Can you hook up with other people? And Sienna's like.
Can you kind of give blowjobs in parking lots? Is that still acceptable? Have you ever been to the ground round? So what was the name of that place that she went to give the blow job the grand republic the grand american round round so sienna goes she's like well shep and i never had that conversation the first place and we never said we were going to be in a relationship and we never said we're going to be exclusive and we never even said really anything um i didn't get

to say anything he just did all the talking so are we together maybe i don't i don't know but what i do know is that i just wish this was a time where we could all come together and realize at the end of the day we're all people and we can all just get along and taylor's like um i think that Shep has probably imagined a lot of this relationship. And I'm enjoying it as a bystander.
So then we cut back to Austin and Shep. And Shep's like, well, are we going to wait and see? Getting to know you again? What are we going to do? And she goes, yeah, this discussion isn't over.
She's like, I want to talk about our future.

Gosh, it was very adult, which was strange for me because

I'm a little boy. And it was very respectful.

And then, you know, fucking,

wouldn't you know it? We were walking over here

and I'm like, I really

miss you. And she's like,

I miss you too.

And then we cut to the footage and

it's Shep saying, did you miss

me? And she goes, I'll see.

And she goes, well, I miss

Thank you. And she goes, I'm sure you do.
What is it with the men? The show with their unreliable narrators. Oh my God.
I just want to win over, win her over again. You you know like all those other times i wonder over when she wouldn't text me back after seeing me for two days and he goes i'm just so into her and austin's like yeah yeah yeah look my mouth is saying a lot and if you could read spit spit language you'd understand but i can't read it but i feel it all over my face so austin's like well i just wish i could see a conversation between them because it just seems to me that shep is not the best at picking up signals um so then sienna is telling everyone like yeah we're we're you know we're both you know shep and i we're just so similar both in terms of being non-committal and it really works for us because when she says non-committal it's kind of like yeah i'm not committing to him in any sort of way yeah and she's pretty clear and so shep's like what's happening guys and so he's like um well we think that maybe she's good for you so and they all start laughing and he's like guys let's just not grill everybody please especially dogs okay shep don't really know what that meant well shit she checked out to everything you said your timeline what you want in life you know etc etc yeah because you're both non-committal right and then everybody just freezes and the girls start cracking up and austin's mad he's like jesus christ jesus christ! I would disrespect the males at this table.
Sorry, I didn't

mean to say that. It's like a blowjob

in the parking lot of Harris

Teeter. It just happens sometimes.

It's fleeting. It's fleeting

but it happened.

Shep's like, oh gosh,

you talked? And so, yeah.

And Madison goes, I mean, we're not just gonna

look at her. I mean, Sienna, it's a pleasure.
so craig's like cheers sienna thanks for having us and so thanks for coming guys he's like god she's probably a serial killer terrible energy so now they decide to go up to madison's room and party and guess who else took off the camera crew because we don't see any of this uh we just jumped to the morning i want to see the girls talking shit about shep why do you keep cutting out the girls yeah i want to like see the girls having fun and bonding like it drives me nuts now listen the the the dynamic the shep austin craig trio that that drama triangle is i love it it's such a great it's so great to watch it but we need to see our women too like i'm sorry we need to see them partying we need to see them bonding we need to see them having fun times because um it's just what's right so um it is in terms of storytelling i mean it's right in terms of yes social dynamics and we should be seeing like women should be getting do all the right things but also like you're telling a story in those characters. So flesh out everyone that we're seeing, please.
Yeah. Here comes one right now.
So, um, uh, so now the guy is the next day. Everything is shit.
Everything's disgusting. Everything is everywhere.
All right. Yeah.
And then Taylor goes to check on Molly and she's like, I feel like so much better than I did last night. I'm just like filled with charisma for the day.
And then in the boys place, Shep wakes up and gets on the treadmill and then does some pushups and then eat some leftover pizza. Yeah.
And then Taylor is asking Molly if she's going to be ready for flamingo yoga. And she is.
And Molly's asking how last night was and asking if the Sienna stuff was awkward. And Taylor's like, it wasn't awkward at all.
But dot, dot, dot. Cut to last night.
Taylor asking Shep where Sienna was while they were partying in the girls' suite. And Shep is like, oh, yeah, she went home because, oh, Sienna had a stomach ache.
So she had to go home. And we see footage of her being like, yeah, I can't, I got to go.
My stomach hurts, is sick, upset. gotta go I hurts is sick upset gotta go since I got here so hope you don't mind I'm just gonna go he's like oh really come on yeah I gotta go and then we cut back to the suite and Madison goes yeah she don't like you he's like so he gets he's like all like you know, now the foot rattling right so taylor's like i'm not gonna back to present taylor's like i'm not gonna be one of those people that's like you know karma but he's tasting his own medicine and i'm like yeah it doesn't taste great so you are the person that's gonna say car you're just gonna word it differently lead into it Madison would lead into it that's what I say I say I would say

I would say

I would say I am going to be the person that says karma. And now look.
Now look what you got. Ha.
I would totally be that person. So then Austin's sleeping.
So Shep comes and jumps on him. And he's like, why? Why are you doing this? Why? He's like, oh, because I have to tell you.
I woke up early. I couldn't sleep.
But I sent a text right when I woke up. and he's like why why are you doing this why he's like oh because i have to tell you i woke up early couldn't sleep but i sent a text right when i woke up and he's like oh god what'd you say shop what'd you say all right all right the piano player is like getting onto the bench like all right everyone i'm ready don't worry i'm here oh my god you just let me know let me know when my services are needed because i know we're about to read a text.
All right. So let's start.
I said, good morning, Sienna. Listen, I love seeing you.
And no one else makes me feel the way you do. No one.
But I'm not going to try to convince someone that they love me for three days. And you're like, oh my God, this is good.
Especially when I know that deep down they do. It's like, no, no.
When they don't, listen to the Bonnie Raitt song. I can't make you love me if you don't.
Not I can't make you love me if you do. It doesn't work that way.
Well, here's hoping that you understand my feelings and exalt them. Exalt my feelings.
Talks like that? I just don't feel this way almost ever. I know that you agree and feel a lot of what I do because I've heard it from your perfect little freckled lips in my head.
The same time you told me you wanted to have my babies on a beach. Small little freckled lips.
Now you're just like infantilizing her. It's just like so, it was so cringy.
When I saw you get on the bus to school, I said, I can't wait to fill her lunchbox. She's like, how much creepier are you going to fucking make this? Butterfly kisses for my Sienna.
Butterfly kisses on those pretty little freckle lips and those around us can say and think what they will but we will have the last laugh and we will love laugh together and literally everything that matters live laugh love okay wait for it wait for it my TED talk is over yeah Yeah. Youthful.
Youthful reference. Youthful reference.
Stuck the landing. Gersh.
He just laughed so hard at his own TED Talk joke. And Austin goes, oh, God.
Oh, God. No, wait.
Hold on. P.S.
Just from one of my favorite poets. One way or another, I'm going to find you.
I'm going to get you, get you, get you, get you.

One way or another.

Okay, stop. Just stop.

Please. Wait, wait.
There's more. There's more.

Okay. And then I said, hey,

I just texted you

and this is crazy,

but you have my number

so text me back maybe.

Oh my god,

you're making me cringe for you now, Shep. Dude, I respect your vulnerability.
I mean, that's for sure. You are vulnerable, dude.
Vulnerable. Well, she hasn't answered, so that's okay.
She understands what a TED talk is, because if she doesn't, it doesn't quite make sense, and maybe I should send another text, right? I'll send another text. I'll say, frickle lip person you know what a ted doc is it's when someone like me bears their soul in front of an audience but teaches you things do you feel like you've been learned you've learned something from me okay my second ted doc is over wait does the joke now make sense because now go back and read the first text it'll make more sense it'll be funnier and then i think you're gonna love me now okay let your emotions free signed ted talk person shep just over here waiting on a tiny round red carpet for you to text me back uh so austin's like wow i wish he would have asked me before he decided to send this i mean unbelievable unbelievable but i want to shrivel up and die for him okay i want to fucking evaporate and then they just show

him evaporating from his chair they make him disappear in his chair i want to evaporate into the bahamian sky all right well uh she fakes a stomach ache man i'm just gonna do that right now no no it was me look bro guys gosh it was midnight when we were done and she wants to go home i mean I mean, admittedly in london so it was only about 7 p.m here but still it's midnight somewhere right she had to go home and uh they're like no and then we go back to the flamingo yoga which was uh it's basically taylor and molly and rodrigo doing yoga and the flamingos are just walking among i love the flamingos because the flamingos were as judgy as we are. We're like, really? Really doing yoga? Taylor, why don't you just be better on this show? You're one season too long.
You should have just left last season. Yeah.
He's like, the flamingo just said, have some self-respect, Taylor. And also the other flamingo said, nice to see you actually get out of bed today, Molly.
So he's like Molly so wait a minute I like that one flamingo that walked by Molly and just goes tuba really uh so uh it's a wacky scene and then Vanita arrives at the hotel with Whitney and Ryan and uh they get their little wristbands and um they're like who gets solo rooms i think that whitney gets a solo room right i couldn't tell if they get solo rooms but are in the same suite i'm not sure but they got solo rooms and they got like wristbands and when he's like mother will this wristband detect a heartbeat if i have a heart attack so then vanita's talking to the girls and they're hung over from champagne and um uh sally's like yeah i've just had so much champagne i don't normally drink that she goes oh well you better learn bunking with madison because champagne's her only option honey okay charles try on the sweater charles isn't here sugar charles put on the sweater he's not here um hold on i'm just Let me talk to my plant. Where's my plant? Your plant's not here for me.
Oh my God. Somebody get her a crutch.
She just puts a leash on a pillow. You're my new Charles.
She's putting a sweater on the pillow. Oh God.
She's really lost it. She cooks Franzino for the pillow.
So over with the guys Wait a minute That pillow just broke up with me Oh god damn it you really have terrible luck Wait is that pillow JD or is it Charles Little bit of both So back to the guys There's a tray of food out in the hallway But Austin can't get it through the door So he's like guys, there's a tray of food out in the hallway, but Austin can't get it through the door. So he's like, oh, Craig, I'm not going to do it for you.
You can do it yourself. Mostly because I can't really figure out.
God, I understand what it's like being Kyle Richards right now. It's rough.
It's rough. Yeah.
And Shep's like, by the way, gosh, I need to read you the text I sent to sienna this morning craig's like you sent the text that you sent to sienna yeah of course i want to read it to you it's like okay here we go second time's the charm good morning sienna no one else makes me feel the way you do yada yada yada pretty little pretty little freckled lips it's a rare thing very rare actually we get more details this time because i think the first time was the abridged version Now we hear things like. It's a rare thing.
Very rare. Actually, we get more details this time because I think the first time was the abridged version.
Now we hear things like, it's a rare thing. It's very rare.
The rarest thing on earth and the most beautiful and pure things. Okay, I'm going to stop.
But can we please follow our heart? We will have love, laughter, and literally everything that matters. Wait for it.
Wait for it. Okay.
My TED Talk is over you spoke has she responded to yet no she hasn't but I think that she's still probably swooning over me when I said it's a rare thing the very rare rarest rarest rarest rare thing in the world love so Craig's like um your sentiment's beautiful chef but like it is what it is you know it was a good try it was a valiant effort hey why do you sound like austin all of a sudden god don't put that on me i'm the sensitive friend i'm the sensitive one i'm not gonna lie to you because this shouldn't have to be as forced as it is. You know, I'm like, yes.

Oh, you're.

Oh, I thought he was talking about him and Paige.

Sorry.

He was talking about Sienna.

But I agree.

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, he's like, yeah, I don't know how Shep doesn't get it.

Like, you shouldn't have to explain to someone.

You just started to see why you should be together.

I guess he put the you just started to see as the caveat because I really wish they had put all of the Naomi clips in here because they're good.

What do you mean? Like, we have there's like literally no reason to break up Don't be stupid You shouldn't have to explain to someone You just started to see Or someone you've been seeing for two and a half years That you've now abducted and brought to a bee farm Why you should be together and have babies It's that. You shouldn't have to force someone to love goats.

They should naturally love goats.

You shouldn't have to lure your girlfriend to visit you by putting a little desk next to a cricket machine.

It's just that simple.

Well, I put it out there.

I said what I needed to say

and stopped her from saying anything that she could say.

So, you know, that's important. Because when we were at dinner last night, it was electric.
It was electric. I felt a little from her, but she won't admit it.
I mean, her phone just kept buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. Is that why you kept on saying boogie, woogie, woogie, woo? Yes, precisely.
Craig, you're huge on closure. And I mean, if this is closure, then that's fine.
I'm willing to accept it. If this is the end, I'm willing to accept it.
Gosh, I'm not willing to accept it. No, it's not closure.
It had to have been opened in the first place for it to be closure, Shep. That was a let's run away and get married message from you.
And then they all laugh. So they're like, you're still going to have fun today with us, right? And he's right and he's like okay gosh today is my day where i stand around and be super super sad hold on watch me do it right here in front of this window as i stare at the sea i was like what are you the old man in the sea yeah she's not in you stop trying to make this happen for us i'm not buying this for two seconds so then um so now they're talking about like like the Vanita, Madison, Sally are at the beach and they're like, it is hot outside.
God, I would love to go on that boat. I'd love to be like, get me on that boat so I get air conditioning.
They start talking about JT and showing up and everything. And Vanita is talking about how he missed his flight and all that, all that stuff.
And Madison is like, look, this group is about my friends.

And I'm not being a mean girl.

I'm really not.

But I mean, if JT wants to come and blow things up, I'm locked and loaded and ready.

I brought three extra cobs of corn today.

I'm taking him down.

I'm taking him down to Chinatown.

I liked when she goes, yeah, I want to get on that boat.

Hey, Sally, go shake your tits.

So I was like, God, why me?

You're Sally. Go do it.
It's called the SS Great American. Now go do it.
So, yeah, JT also missed his flight. So he's not going to be there.
So then we go back to the boys. Shep is going to go snorkeling and the other group is going to go to the fish fry.

And Sienna says she's going to come to the fish fry.

And we see clips of her being like, um, fish fry.

That sounds so fun.

That's right next to the Bahamian Sbarro.

Okay, great.

Yeah.

Not touristy at all.

I'll totally be there.

Can't wait.

Yeah.

And also, wait, what?

And Shep is like, yeah, gosh, I'm not going to be there. I'm going to go snor gonna go snorkeling wait what and craig's like well she can go snorkeling with you why would she not like want to hang out with you because she's all the women are independent go to fish fry so they're like wait so we're separating on a friend trip some of us are going to a fish fry some of us are going snorkeling you're going snorkeling but your girlfriend's gonna come on the fish fry and he's like yeah totally natural okay well why wouldn't you go on the fish fry like this is so stupid so why wouldn't you just go on the fish fry so you could be around her he's like whoa god we're our own people guys god she's so not into you this is sad i know craig don't be don't be all cutthroat that's not who you are i'm in an awesome and then he's like you guys can talk to her and be friends with her and bring her to the group and then she'll see that's a cool group she'll want to be in the group and when she's in the group she'll see that i'm kind of like the leader of the group and when she said i'm the leader of the group she's gonna love me love me.
Oh, sorry. Another TED Talk.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Youth reference.
And Arthur goes, yeah, I think that's a really good move, Shep. He's trying to be supportive.
And he's like, yeah, you know what I don't like? Kicking somebody when they're down. Okay? Please.
Please. You're one of the men on this show.
That's all you do. And granted, it's very fun.
I've been watching the show for nine years now. Don't stop.
So it's like, especially a friend kicking another friend. You know, it doesn't sit right.
It doesn't sit right with me. Unless we're ganging up on Shep to like, not speak to him at three, you know, stuff like that.
Literally, literally Austin, Craig and Shep are like the Rockettes all coiled up on each other. All you do is kick each other.
It doesn't sit right with me. So Craig is like, he's like, look, you can continue to enable your delusional friend or tell them how it is.
I'm not pumped that Sienna doesn't like you, but she doesn't like you. And I mean, why would you want us to be friends with her? Because she's a really good person.
And I mean way she makes me feel a little boy with a broken heart you know but she also made me feel really good and they're like and he's trying to say this he's trying to be like no she's really great everything's great between us and he's sitting there and his his foot is just like right in the center of the camera like like things are blowing off of off of like surfaces and like papers are around the room as it's like current of air is coming out of his foot. Yeah.
And Craig's like, yeah, but like, look, you know, I am like if someone's not making you feel nice, I don't want to be fake nice to that person. And a chef's like, but Sienna called.
Oh, my God. Sienna called.
Sienna called. Sienna called.
called sienna called oh i'm gonna go i'm gonna go talk to her sienna gosh live laugh love live laugh love i'm just a boy a boy standing in a baby cradle who wants babies that look like you wait gosh gosh hold on sienna's calling. Wait, listen to this.
Hold on. Hello? Ted here.
Get it? And I'm talking. And she's like, well, yeah, about the fish fry.
I don't really know if I want to take the tuna. Okay, you're not into tech talks.
How about Teddy Swims? You can come snorkeling. She's like, no.
I just like i'm sick and i just i drink alcohol and i don't drink and i just i just no and the entire concept of you makes me nauseous so i think i'm gonna pass on this one well okay no big deal you know i mean that text i sent you right that was pretty epic pul epic. Pulitzer winning.
Poetic. I don't know.
Choose a word. Choose a word.
And she's like, yeah, about that text. It was really intense.
And I do want to talk about it. Oh, not now.
No, no. Don't do it now.
Don't do it now. Okay.
Fine. Well, I'm going to be over here pretending like i'm puking okay well we'll talk about when i see you we can go out on the boat and have a big day a fun day see i'm not clingy i could spend a full 24 hours without talking to you whoa and she's like yeah okay so he's like okay well i'm just gonna hang with the not feel any sort of way.
Okay, so this is more proof that this girl does not give a crap about being on this show. Everybody's saying she's using Shep to get on this show, but what is she using him for? She even got a scene.
I feel like the producers were like, okay, she clearly hates Shep, but we want to know more about her. So we'll just send her with a friend group and not Shep.
And she's still like, no. She's like, I'm not going to that fucking fish fry place.

I don't feel like I have diarrhea all day long.

By the way, I want to go to that fish fry place.

That looks so good.

Now I want fried fish.

Unfortunately, the fried fish place that's right near me closed, which makes me really sad. So RIP Cravenclaw.

It was called Cravenclaw? there's your first there's your first hint and it used to be called and it used to be is it like a harry potter themed fish fry and it used to be it used to be called we won't it used to have the most ridiculous name before that. It was like, why am I blanking on the name? No, no, no, it was crap.
It was crap. It was like, I'm so crabby or something.
Why am I blanking on the name? Listen, the first a fish, like a fried fish restaurant is you have to give it a ridiculous name. We all know that.
We all know that. Dear Krabby.
So Shep's like, well, I think there's something so special that we had that, you know, like, how could you ignore it? How could you turn away from it? I'm a guy cars yeah i'm totally chill this is reminding me honestly this is giving me ptsd to my own awful behavior once i'm not gonna lie i once went down like a shep path back in 2001 when i moved to los angeles i didn't have any friends and um i was new to the city and it was like exciting new time. And I met the guy who played Jan Jan, the cheerleading man from bring it on at the gym.
And he was so cute, but he was also like famous and he was nice to me. And then I'd run into him at the gym and then we became friends.
And I was like, Oh my God, it's all all happening I have a I have a friend and he's like famous and he's gonna bring me into these cool circles I'm gonna hang out with all these cool people and I would call him all the time to hang out like so much where it became like it became actually it wasn't like an obsession but it was like a it was like it was too much it was like what Shep was doing it was too much it was like clearly this person was like sliding into something psychologically that I needed and then and he just like you know clearly he was like whoa you know and then eventually I stopped like eventually I was like okay I gotta get a grip and I also made friends and I sort of came back to reality but I always think about the time when I when I was basically non-stop calling Jan Jan the cheerleading man from Rihon. It's like the most mortifying thing I've ever done in my life.
I thought that was the OC guy. I guess that was a different.
No, no, no. No, Ben McKenzie.
I was just normal friends with him. He just goes to me because he became famous.
But like Jan Jan the cheerleading man, I was like, I saw my future of what my life in LA could be. I was like, I'm going to be swept up into this group.
I'm finally going to be with the cool kids. I'm finally going to be accepted.
It's going to be amazing. And I just got so obsessed with that notion that I was always like, you want to hang out? Oh, well, it's been two hours.
Maybe you didn't see that I called. I'd call again.
It was crazy. But well, that's, you know, I think we've all been in these positions, right? Where you like somebody more than they like you and you end up embarrassed and years down the line, you kind of think back on it.
We were children. You know what I mean? I was 22.
This man is 46 and this girl is 26. So that's like a huge difference because it changes the levels.
It's not just a normal thing. It's like him trying to impose his will on some young girl it's creepy like it's just creepy the other stuff i mean i think that's like totally it's cute that's actually really cute me like me with jant me like i've like hang out with him and like well for a moment there i was sort of in like that little young hollywood circle you know i don't remember if you name some people people i'd be like oh yeah that person and that person and like his wife kyler lee and i was like it's all happening i have famous friends i'm gonna be you text him like whoa it's cold in here there must be some tourists in the atmosphere am i right well the most embarrassing thing i said was kersh you're pretty little freckled lips, let's hang out tonight.
Don't deny our friendship. Sam, now my TED talk is over.
No, it's like, I'm like cringing right now. Like even just talking about it, I'm like, it was so, it's so, so, so embarrassing.
But again, like you said, kids, and I was like, also I was like a closeted was like a closeted you know person new in the city whatever but shep is old and he shouldn't be acting like this it's one thing if you're like a if you're young newbie in the city and don't know everything the world is exciting and crazy but when you're just like an old fart you know yeah don't obsess over sienna yeah it's gross oh so this is the part where uh shep is now destroyed and he's sitting out looking at the sea the old man in the sea yeah he's like yeah guys i'm just in uncharted waters no you're not you're not you're not no you're not she doesn't like you okay so yeah craig says, she should have texted you back and said, I love you too. Like, I mean, come on.
Like, don't let it fuck with your day. He's like, it's not.
It's not. The point was I was going to have a big victim vacation so girls in bars would feel sorry for me and I can continue to get laid for the next five years to go off that goodwill.
So I think it's working, guys. Just let me sit here and pretend to almost cry for a little bit.

So then we go to the girls suite

and everyone's getting ready. Some people are getting ready

to go snorkeling and some people are going to go to the

fish fry and then the snorkel people are

in the van and Shepa's like, Taylor,

you expressively said you

want to go to the fish fry but now you're snorkeling.

What the hell? Taylor's like, well,

I'm choosing water

over food because I realized if you get if you drown today i want to no we froze sorry we froze oh gosh i still see you we froze at 104 sorry christina cut it out okay go from the part where uh i guess you just finished taylor's line

where taylor said i'm choosing water over food yeah oh well that's a good call good call that way we don't have to talk to anybody right we can just stare at marine life you know and i mean there's just so many fish in the sea right taylor right right taylor she's like came watch you flop around gasping for air like whatever fish we run into oh well this will be fine do you think that fishes can get text messages because i really want to profess my love to that big salmon over there i can't wait to try my ted Talks joke out on the angelfish. So now

Vanitas. over there.
I can't wait to try my TED Talks joke out on the angelfish. So now Vanita's talking about stealing all the Balmain.
That's exciting. So anyway, they're getting into the, they're all going to head to the fish fry and everything and they're getting into the van and stuff.
And Craig is like, hey, so fish fry people, Sienna, she wanted to come to the fish fry with us and not Shep. And they're like, oh, no.
Oh, bad. Yeah, that's sad.
I feel bad. I'm sorry.
Go ahead. No, you can speak on behalf.
I'm sorry. I thought you was done.
Okay, well, I feel bad for him, honestly, because, you know, like, I think he's being a little simpy. He's just being a little simpy.
I mean, it's sad. But honestly, Shep has been digging into my relationship since I met him.

And I'm so glad they put this in here.

Because Shep's like, I'm just such a good person.

Bullshit.

Intercut with all the times he was an asshole to Madison.

So we cut back to 2018.

And she's like, why are you getting involved in my relationship?

And he's like, oh.

He's like, I have a right to.

Gosh. You know, I thought you were stronger than a tire iron.
But apparently not. Yeah.
And you know what? Someday I'm going to find somewhere that's sunny and amazing and gorgeous. And she's like, and be alone.
And be alone, Chip. And he's like.
And be alone. And here we are.
All these years later. Yeah, and by the way.
Seven years later. Talk about secreting some shit.
You go, Madison. That's why he's obsessed with her.
Because she is like completing the picture. He literally says.
He lays it all out. That he wants to be somewhere with sun and white sand.
Like in love or whatever. So Craig is like, it's okay to like someone.
But then you got to recognize when they don't like you back. And at point you must move on and i know i would do that luckily page really really likes me a lot yeah so then we go back to the snorkeling van and uh they're still talking about sienna because no one hasn't like literally no one has anything going on molly's like so as sienna messaged you and she's like uh he's like oh, yeah, she did.
She did. And I made the decision to take the night off, take the day off, you know, just enjoy myself.
Totally my decision. I said, you know what, Sienna, I hope you get a stomachache and stay home.
And she did. So still in control of the situation.
Yeah. You know.
Wow. I don't know.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because there's just there's just like a strange energy. I don't know.
You got me as to what it's all about. Like, but I'm not going to, I don't know.
Like, don't water plants that don't bring beauty, right? If that makes sense. You know, it's like that old saying, don't touch poison ivy if you're not going to grow it in your home garden, right? Gosh, don't water plants.
It don't bring beauty. It's not your plant.
Stop watering other people's plants. You're watering gravel.
It's not flowering for you. And Taylor tries to keep going with this.
She's like, yeah, like sometimes you're watering a plant that just needs to be repotted. Yeah, it needs a you know and molly goes sometimes the hermit crab outgrows its shell come on molly it's gotta stick stick with botany come on you can't bring it to hermit crabs none of it really makes penalty penalty flag and uh molly's like yeah i think it somehow makes sense to me but i don't know So then they go snorkeling and it's really pretty.

You know, they have fish charts.

That's Ryan's line for the thing.

He's like, guys, they have fish charts.

We can see the kind of fish that we're going to be shopping for.

Looking at.

Guys, it says that there are nurse sharks.

Are the nurse sharks going to kill us?

They're like, no, they're actually really, really nice sharks. They're like puppies.
Poor Ryan. He's terrified.
I know. And he looks so cute, too.
We don't know anything about this man. So now the other group is having food.
And then we see Craig talking about how great it was back living in the bahamas yeah because he's so he's yeah because they're gonna they order chicken in a bag and when he starts talking about living in the bahamas they keep cutting to austin just like looking down at his napkin or something but it's kind of like a moment because they want to be like look austin doesn't even want to listen to craig's story he wants to look at his napkin but it's also like to be fair craig has probably talked about living in the bahamas a million times every week since 2018 that was like his whole thing for the longest time like back in the bahamas i would wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night back in the bahamas to get places i would I'd get into a car back in the Bahamas, Bahamas. Mm-hmm.

So. Back in the Bahamas to get places I would get into a car.
Back in the Bahamas, Bahamas. So Sally is like, well, I think the boat ride is going to be fun if that works out tomorrow.
And he's like, well, I just don't think Sienna should come. She's like, yeah, she gave us bad vibes.
He goes, yeah, I don't want to go in on her too much, even though I went on her when I woke up and then went on her on the ride here. And then I'm now going to go in on her again.
But, like, I've never felt the energy of a person I felt coming off of her. Like, I never, ever met someone with that energy.
And then we see a clip of her coming in and going, hi, and him going, ah. I was like, when she walked in the room, I, like, panicked.
I poured, like, champagne because I thought we were going to hang out. And then I was like, when she walked in the room, I like panicked.
I poured like champagne because I thought we were going to hang out. And then I was like, I need to go fix the reservation downstairs.
She was out of control. What a monster.
So then the snorkeling crew is now talking after snorkeling and stuff. And they're like, oh, that was so you know i guess or i don't care so ryan's like uh we we did this because of you shep this is a great trip so thank you and shep's like i don't know about that please don't remind me i'm here well shep does this does this beach remind you of any beaches in Vietnam is that gonna make you feel better no Molly's like well look we're on this beautiful beach things are great right now and Taylor's like please don't remind me that I'm here and Shep's like I just oh I'm having a hard time and Molly goes because of Sienna no because of global warming it just all of a sudden hit him Of goes, because of Sienna? No, because of global warming.
It just all of a sudden hit him. Of course, because of Sienna, Molly.
And Taylor's like, yeah, well, this ain't my circus anymore, but I just hope this is a wake-up call to maybe date people his own age. How old is Taylor? Yeah, you were part of that too she's 30 so oh okay so you're four years different huge difference taylor yeah somali is like yeah getting old and then so shep sees like a stone he's like what is that and ryan's like i think it's a silver dollar oh gosh coral or something and he's like you think i can skip it like no how many times you think i could skip it so then he goes off to the ocean and he he's like taylor this is why i'm gonna prove you wrong because taylor's like no you can't skip it it's gonna fall right into the water i'm right you're wrong he's like i'm right you're wrong what about that she's no i'm right and you're wrong it's gonna hit the water and go straight in and then molly goes um actually you're a little high above the water you need to adjust and she goes don't help him taylor's like don't help him and then he skips it and the audience is like boo fuck taylor for not having more faith in the skipping stone what a bitch what a miserable ice queen bitch next time support the stone is this the part Maybe this is later.
Next time support this stone. Is this the part

maybe this is later. I don't remember.
But

is this the part where Molly's like I mean like

Shep deserves like better. Like

I could be into him.

Shep deserves someone who gives

a shit. Like someone who wants to support

your stone skipping. Someone who's going to give you

tips. Someone's going to lift you up like Josh

Groban and make sure that stone gets

three hops before it plunks into the water

and hits a little

fish, clown fish on the forehead and

See you next time. tips someone's gonna lift you up like josh groban and make sure that stone gets three hops before it plunks into the water and hits a hits a little fish clown fish on the forehead and gives it gives it brain damage so um uh i just there's again there's something so funny about this a that molly like that this skipping stone moment was like it was like a a b test between support and no support but also it was like poor shep is, so he's going to stand by some water and skip stones.
It's like, oh, God, get over it. There's Shep.
Shep being mature. I'm going to skip some stones.
So then at the other place, Vinny just phone dings and we find out that JT has landed. And they're like, wow, well, I hope he got some little airplane wings on the plane.
That's what they give little bullets. Did he get his wings? That was so funny.
And Shep is like, Shep says that he's excited for JT and then Austin, back at, I guess, snorkeling, but then Austin back at Fish Fry is like, well, Shep is just feeling all sorts of something. And Finna's like, well, have you guys seen him infatuated with someone like Sienna before? And like, never.
I've never seen him like this. I just hope he doesn't spin out.
And Austin's like, I'm walking away. Shucks that.
I was like, oh, Craig, God. He's like, what? Tell me.
I didn't mean to say something bad. He's like, I understand.
No, dude. You know what? It's not cool, man.
It's not cool. Okay? Because like, he really wants it.
He really wants it. I'm very angry.
and so Austin's like you know what it's not cool man it's not cool okay because like he really wants it he really wants it i'm very angry and so austin's like you know craig says that he's always rooting for everybody but i have far more empathy than craig does i love that it always comes down to a competition on the show it's not really even standing up for shep it's just like i'm the pathetic one yeah and um he's like because i know the underlying tones of him saying that and like the underlying tones are like i hope that chef doesn't turn back to the bottle because then he doesn't have you know control of his emotions and i have i have control over my emotions because i'm like a man and everything oh yeah right right yeah you totally have all the control over your emotions unless only if you have the biggest room possible it's insane right now yeah and that's a very good point you point. And Craig is kind of blind to his own behavior at all times.
I think it's kind of funny. He's like, I just wish people could control their emotions like me.
Cut back to yesterday. 30-year-olds don't have to get a room.
I'm rich. Idiot.
So then Craig is like, you have to tell Austin or he'll be like, Austin goes to the bathroom, and. And then they're talking about, like, do you want to go to another bar? And everyone's like, yeah.
Well, Craig proposes going to another bar. But then he's like, but you guys have to be the one to tell Austin.
Otherwise, he'll be like, why do we always have to do what Craig wants to do? Which is kind of funny. So they go to another bar and they get some drinks.
And there's a whole bunch of, like, rum or something on top of one and madison's pouring out they're drinking so anyway craig um uh and madison go off to talk yeah by the by the beach and craig's like it's just like you know i haven't gotten to talk in so long and i feel like life in charleston for the group has just gotten like real fractured i'm like yeah well you moved out to the suburbs so yeah it is a little fractured you're not there anymore i mean yeah you don't hang out with your friends you tried to jump dump shep last year and kind of austin this year so listen i'm not even saying you were wrong in that i was kind of on your side in that stuff yeah but don't act like don't act surprised yeah then it's like fractured. And so Madison's like, I know.
And he says, well, like things haven't been the same with me in Austin since all this started. Yeah, but y'all are like brothers.
Yeah, but he doesn't like me, though. Like, I just don't know why he hates me.
Maybe because last week you tried to fucking take his business away from him for $30,000. Like, hello, are you watching the show that you're on, sir? I know.
He's like, Austin was like, I just want to hang out with you more. And I tried to make plans to golf with you and you ditched me so you could garden in your backyard and you put it on Instagram.
And now you've tried to buy me out of like my own podcast for like a lowballed number. And he's like, he hates me.
I don't know why he hates me. It's like, you can't play the victim on this one, Greg.
Yeah, it's pretty clear to everyone else. So then back at the table, Sally's like, well, where's everybody else? There's like literally no storylines.
And Austin's like, well, Craig and Madison are down by the water talking. Like, I'm just trying to keep you copacetic.
And yeah. So then we go back to Craig and he's like, I can see it in his face.
Like, I know he loves me and he doesn't want to hate me. But when he at me i see his face twinge well look in his defense his face twinges every second i've never seen austin's face not going yeah he's he's very twinge forward and we see a montage of like craig being like hi everyone it's like austin looks away you guys want to sit at that table? Austin looks away.
So I'm like, why do you fucking hate me so much? Craig, we just went over this. So Madison is like, well, y'all will figure it out.
Clearly the band-aid that we put on our relationship is starting to come off rapidly. So Madison goes, well, I mean, at the end of the day, they're sisters for life.

They're sisters for life.

And I think they've got to get back together.

And, you know, I don't want to choose sides, but I think Craig,

I think that Craig is taking it a little bit too far.

I think y'all will always be friends. I mean, as long as there's a television show.

He's like, that's good.

That's what I want.

And so that's it.

The saga continues.

Will the boys continue to be friends?

Who knows?

I guess we'll find out more next week.

Next week it looks like it's the big JT joins the group and gets into a fight with everyone at dinner scene.

So that's going to be fun to watch.

Thanks everyone for being here.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Keep an ear out for our Traders Recap. And we will catch you on the next one.
Bye. Bye.
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