#2974 Below Deck S12E12 Part 1: Docked Over

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Speaker 2 Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to what crappins? I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Benuni.
How are you doing, babes?

Speaker 2 I am just fantastic, Ronnie. How are you?

Speaker 2 Good. I'm just enjoying this lovely Tuesday.

Speaker 2 Here to recap below deck. It's a a lovely day to talk deck.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about deck, baby. Let's talk about you and me.
Let's talk about deck and me. All the good things that you

Speaker 2 all the good things that

Speaker 2 things that could be. Let's talk about

Speaker 2 deck.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the show, everybody. Thanks for everybody who joined us at Amazon Live yesterday.
It's every other Monday at 4 p.m. on Amazon.

Speaker 2 That's where it's at. And the Mondays we're not doing that, like this coming Monday, next Monday, we'll be doing Crappy Hour at 5.30 p.m.
Pacific time over on YouTube.

Speaker 2 You can also usually catch that on Instagram or Patreon. It's a free Patreon post if you just want to look there.

Speaker 2 Also, we have videos every day on Patreon of these recaps. So if you'd rather watch these, Crappin's on Demand on Patreon.
That's also where you get our bonus episodes.

Speaker 2 So thanks for everybody who supports us over there. If you don't want to do Patreon or it's not in your budget, we get it.
You can get videos a week later over at our YouTube channel.

Speaker 2 Okay, so go that. Watch them over there.
We don't care. We're not tracking you.
Okay. We're just appreciative that you're here and part of this beautiful family.
Okay. That's so eloquent.

Speaker 2 So, guys, guess what? Today, we're stuck on dock.

Speaker 2 Stuck on dock for misadventure.

Speaker 2 All I want is to give people adventure.

Speaker 2 Today,

Speaker 2 honestly, I was happy that they were stuck on the dock to have an episode where we didn't have to watch them go through that fucking bridge on Saint Martin that they need to demolish and rebuild so that way it's easier for cruise ships to go through.

Speaker 2 I mean, why do we have to be subjected to that misery every single week on this show?

Speaker 2 Watching these boats nearly scrape themselves up, going through a tiny, tiny bridge that was never even seems to be meant for yachts. It was like meant for canoes.
Why do they do that?

Speaker 2 i can't stand it so for the fact that they were stuck in where they were and didn't have to do any of these bridge shenanigans except that one moment go under the bridge which i supported i was very happy about that also i'm not gonna lie if i were on a yacht and i didn't and we couldn't go out to sea i think i would still be like really okay with it because you're on a yacht I mean, it's still awesome.

Speaker 2 You're being weighted on hand and toe. Is there any difference between being on a yacht and being able to see, I don't know, a beautiful Caribbean country outside your window versus like seeing ocean?

Speaker 2 I don't think so. You're still in the same space.
You're still in the same physical thing that you would have been in the middle of the ocean, except you just happen to be on land, by land.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'd be pissed because you're not just, it's not like you're out in the middle of the ocean.
Like they don't go that far out.

Speaker 2 They go from little island to, you know, they go from fun place to fun place. So they were also robbed of all the different fun places that they dock and, you know, all the, I don't know, fun.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't be pissed. Well, maybe.

Speaker 2 But frankly I wouldn't do what they did where it's like ask take money from the servers that the crew didn't do anything why are you taking money out of the tip you should refuse to pay for the charter if the boats if you have a charter and the boat's broken then the boat doesn't get paid that's what I say I would have said I'm not paying for this fucking boat I'm gonna give the money to the the people who actually

Speaker 2 decent vacation you know Yeah, because the service was still doing the service. Like you were still receiving the service.

Speaker 2 I mean, although that being said, it seemed like they were also a little inept. I mean, they they took forever to get, like, they never even got those jet skis out and everything.

Speaker 2 And I don't know why they didn't offer them, like, get like a van and like drive them to like the Dutch side of the island or the French side, whichever side that they weren't on. Why not do that?

Speaker 2 I don't understand that. But I also just think that like,

Speaker 2 I don't know, I think I'd be happy just being on a yacht that didn't really go anywhere.

Speaker 2 You know, obviously I wanted to go someplace, but I think I would also be like, this is pretty cool. I'm in like in a luxury environment.

Speaker 2 So I want like, I'm just mad at that guy with his like susan sontag splash of white hair in his bangs you know for being such a dick to this crew well i just watched that movie um the humdingers no the wildcats uh the uh marvel the new avengers stupid movie but um the wild the wildcats is it wait the wildcats what's it called no is it called like this the essentials not the essentials the thundercat no the thunder

Speaker 2 the thunderbolts thunderbolts yeah the thunderbolts the thunderbolts The Thunderbolts. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The new Avengers. Yeah, that was kind of dumb.

Speaker 2 I don't know where I came up with the essentials. Oh, I think I was thinking of the Eternals, and then I thought of the Essentials.

Speaker 2 The Eternals needed some more essential oils. I'll tell you what that movie needed because that was the old ones.
They needed, they were all crinkly. They needed some essential oils.

Speaker 2 That one was stupid, too. But no, the Thunderbolts.

Speaker 2 Anyway, the villain was... That's stupid.
I can't believe it. Yeah, I know.
I was so shocked. Julia Louis Dryfist was the villain and she has like that shock of white hair.

Speaker 2 So I kept thinking of her with this character. I was like, you're real, you're real Julia Louis Dreyfus in that TV show she was in, like the vice president vice or whatever.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 Veep, God, how old am I that I'm like this now? I'm like, that movie

Speaker 2 Thundercats and then, you know, that girl, Julie Andrews from the TV show about being a mayor called Vice. Like, Jesus Christ, old lady.

Speaker 2 But also, he was kind of like Kyle McLahan

Speaker 2 from Twin Peep, right? He gave me Lawlin,

Speaker 2 McLaughlin. And he was very like,

Speaker 2 we really appreciate the cruise, but we really think that if there is a discrepancy, then we shouldn't be able to tip. Like, get it out.

Speaker 2 Spit it out, facelift.

Speaker 2 I'm sure a lot of people would have the same thing to say about whatever restaurants you own, sir. So

Speaker 2 I guess we should get into this. So previously, Barbara and Jess went on a date and continued a

Speaker 2 love triangle that is really one of the dullest things we've seen in quite some time, this trio, this trio of pussy that's happening here. So then three hours.

Speaker 2 Lesbianism just goes so quick, you know? I mean,

Speaker 2 we're robbed of like a whole two years of fun in straight relationships.

Speaker 2 Cause I feel like when we see straight relationships on bravo they're very like catch me you know catch me if you can tee and then it's like you're together but are we together and do i still like it there's a lot more of that whereas i feel like the lesbian version is like okay i'll cheat on you with a million people and not really be sure but then once i am sure it's like boom we're married we're there we're cuddling we have children together

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're just already very boring. It's like they're both like, they're like, can I get in your, in your bed and we'll read to each other? We'll read, we'll we'll read each other's Kindle.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 They're like acting

Speaker 2 three, but they don't have an act two.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They're already like making jam on a farm.
You know?

Speaker 2 That sounds great.

Speaker 2 So it's three hours.

Speaker 2 You're basically a lesbian. I know, I know.

Speaker 2 And Celaine walks by Hugo and just in the deck and Hugo is asking Selene how she's doing and

Speaker 2 Celine's like, good. And then Hugo's like, good.
And then Selene just keeps on walking by. So they're like, oh, God, she's being really cold this morning.
It's like, yeah, she's being really cold.

Speaker 2 I'm making me wonder. I wonder if the consequences of my actions is that I met her cold.

Speaker 2 I did this to myself with my actions of how I treated her. And I need to learn to accept that.

Speaker 2 I need to learn that if I want to like someone, that I can't do these things because they will be cold to me in the morning. And I'm learning that now

Speaker 2 Hugo is a pretty boring person and he's new so he's I think escaping our wrath so far but I'm not liking Hugo this episode like Hugo is giving a lot of like hey honey you should smile more energy like what the fuck what what was she supposed to do give you a fucking parade you said hi as she passed by she said hi back what do you need hugo what do you need and i don't need you coming after the chef you're not in the position yet while you're sitting there eating your combos or whatever the fuck you're eating down in the mess hall, not taking out the trash to be giving attitude to anybody.

Speaker 2 Sir.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did not like Hugo this episode. I feel like we saw more of his true colors.
I think he has been obscured by the stupid love, love triangle and with all of Kyle's nonsense.

Speaker 2 But now he's, now we're seeing him and we see who he really is, and I don't like it. So then speaking of not liking, then we have Damo, who also is not great, and Kyle, who's also,

Speaker 2 all these people suck. So Damo is talking to Kyle.

Speaker 2 He's talking to Kyle.

Speaker 2 They really do.

Speaker 2 He's talking to Kyle in the Lazarette, which

Speaker 2 I don't even remember what the Lazarette is, but that sounds

Speaker 2 Lazarette sounds like someone who might be on the new Real Housewives of London. Because everyone's talking about the Real Housewives of London.
Because there's someone named Panthea on there.

Speaker 2 So I feel like there should be someone. Like,

Speaker 2 I don't

Speaker 2 adore the queen mom, but that doesn't mean I'm keeping mum about anything. Lazarette.
Or it could be like Lazarus, but a woman, you know, like.

Speaker 2 I'm the only person here who's 170 years old and has been brought back from the dead, and I'm not scared of anybody. Bitch!

Speaker 2 Lazarette.

Speaker 2 They say, all save the queen, but guess what? The queen is me. The queen is me.

Speaker 2 I knew Jesus.

Speaker 2 a sister tagline she's like i knew jesus

Speaker 2 lazarette

Speaker 2 they're like lazarette could you give us something wittier what more witt do you need i knew jesus like we know lazarette okay

Speaker 2 i love that lazarette is like the toadet version of the bible like well we have lazarus why don't we make a lazarette

Speaker 2 come on let's make the bible fair

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 so dude it's like a major overhaul of the Bible.

Speaker 2 Giving everyone an et.

Speaker 2 Abraham Et

Speaker 2 Bozette.

Speaker 2 The least creative renew name.

Speaker 2 Ramsette. Pharaoh Ramzette.

Speaker 2 Gisette. Giuseppe.
Gizet.

Speaker 2 Marriette. Marriette.
Marriette. Marriette envoy.
She's already a lady.

Speaker 2 But like, let's make Mary a double lady. Let's give Mary double vaginas.
We'll just call her Mary.

Speaker 2 Let's like have her lean into her femininity for this all-female version of the Bible.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Damo and Kyle are talking and Kyle's like, oh, I'm good. You know, I'm just trying to keep my head down.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm not saying anything stupid, you know, because I'm not supposed to talk to anybody or do anything. What am I supposed to do here? I'm just stand here.
I can't even talk to the guests.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Kyle, I don't think it's not, you're not allowed to talk to the guests. You're not allowed to stick your penis inside of them.
You understand? Although you didn't sound

Speaker 2 why are you making it sound like someone said you can't speak to the guests?

Speaker 2 It's like he's doing that thing where he's like complaining, but then pretending like he's taking responsibility. He'll be like, oh, well, no, I can't even

Speaker 2 hang out with the guests. I just have to stand here by the side.
Even though I'm so good with the guests, I'll just stand here by the side. But these are the consequences to my actions.

Speaker 2 So that's what it is. I'm like, don't, you can't just add that asterisk on.
We know you don't believe it sincerely. And like, why are you surprised?

Speaker 2 Because you either fucked a guest or you lied about a guest on TV. And either way, like, you should be reprimanded and really fired, to be honest.
Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Are we discussing the consequences of our actions? Because I brought some snacks. I would love to have this conversation as well.

Speaker 2 So, Damo, speaking of taking false responsibility for things or falsely taking, falsely acting like you're taking response. You know what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 2 demo is there like oh i just wanted to say mate i feel so guilty for talking to frasi and to prove how guilty i feel i'm going to put my arm up here and give you my armpit here talk to my armpit here i feel real guilty for talking to frasier mate and he's like i get it mate you know it's just one of those ones where i i knew you weren't doing it mal mal malist

Speaker 2 mouse

Speaker 2 you know the word you know the word

Speaker 2 i know you weren't doing it maleficently and so he's like yeah no i don't it's just i just wanted to to make sure that you know I'm all sweet. And he's like, yeah, no trust, mate.
It is what it is.

Speaker 2 So then Kyle tells us, well, you know, with his arms, like, he's got his arms crossed and he's shaking in his chair in the confessional with that, like, that still

Speaker 2 undisclosed

Speaker 2 black eye that he has. Like, he's had a scar around his eye all season.
Like, it was like bruised up in the early in the season in the interviews. He clearly got onto a fight.

Speaker 2 And he's like, well, it's a wake-up call in a professional sense. And also in, like, I trust other people.
You know, he could have just kept his mouth shut.

Speaker 2 He's not, he's not got a good track record anyway. I mean, it just proves that I've got to watch where I keep my alliances,

Speaker 2 or you don't fuck up in the first place. I mean, yeah, like Damo for sure was being ratty when he told Fraser.
He knew he was escalating it and he was being gossipy.

Speaker 2 But Kyle also told, like, he mouthed off about this to like half of the boat. This was not something told in confidence.
Like, he said it to enough people that it was going to get around anyway.

Speaker 2 And so I just think it was, but he you know,

Speaker 2 Damo is supposed to be his like little bestie on the boat. And Damo, Damo did beat, Damo straight up did betray him, I think, but it's hard to stick it.

Speaker 2 Because Kyle was so in the wrong. It's like, oh, that's true.
I just wish it had been someone else who betrayed him. But I don't like Damo like running to Fraser and doing it like that.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I thought that was a little weak, but at the same time. He doesn't stand in it.
He doesn't stand in it.

Speaker 2 He's not like, well, I honestly, I went to Fraser because I thought it was, I thought it was messed up and I felt like I had to do it.

Speaker 2 And as much as I love you, I have to like, I take this job seriously. Instead, he's like, oh, Fraser, guess what I heard? Oh, Kyle, sorry.

Speaker 2 I shouldn't have done that, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So now Fraser is in the galley with Chef and he's like, Chef, the lunch. Do we have lunch coming? He's like, oh, the food for the menu.
I'm doing like a summer salad. For them, it'll be octopus.

Speaker 2 If the octopus gives me one piece of attitude, I will slam it to face because I demand respect. I'm badass chef now.
Maybe I was beat up.

Speaker 2 I was telling octopus, maybe I was beat up as a child, but now I killed you. I killed you, octopus.
You want a piece of me? No, I'm going to have a piece of you. You want it?

Speaker 2 It's like throwing rags against the wall.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's this whole thing.

Speaker 2 I am badass chef now. I can punch switches on walls and also throw tea towels at stoves because I am badass.
And this trip is going to be very challenging for me because we have a lot of restrictions.

Speaker 2 And I had a flashback here. I have a flashback to remember last year when there were a lot of restrictions restrictions and it like really messed me up.
And oh my God, there's so many choices.

Speaker 2 And I'm a little nervous because last season, all the food restrictions, like they fucked me over. But now this year, when I see a food restriction, I throw a little rag at it and it is solved.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and we see a piece of last year where he's staring at the board because when he, that was his big dyslexia reveal, when he's like, oh, mushroom risotto, I have dyslexia.

Speaker 2 And we watch and like the words are like flying around in his head. And then he's, he comes to it.
He's like, mushroom

Speaker 2 So that was fun to see again. And Fraser is like, all right, what are we doing for Charcutri? Two plates, because one is going to be vegan, one is going to be normal.

Speaker 2 And if the vegan one gives the normal one any attitude, Chakruteri is going to fight. That's what's going to happen.

Speaker 2 So Jess is with Celaine. She's like, Celaine, are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.
Thank you. You sure? Yes.
And then Hugo walks up and he's like, hey, Jesse Pooh. And she's Celaine.

Speaker 2 He basically like pulls Jess out of there. And she's like, thank you.
You saved me from our conversation, a conversation that was the consequence of my actions.

Speaker 2 And I'm realizing now that if there's someone I like, I have to just like them. He's like, okay, that's fine.
Like, help me with the anchor. Yeah.
And she goes, but I slept in Barbara's bed.

Speaker 2 He goes, oh, come on. Like, you're in a leadership position.
You can't do that. You can't do that unless you're the boatswain.
Okay.

Speaker 2 She's like, oh, good point there. He says, you can't just sleep in the same cabin with someone you just broke up with and the new person.

Speaker 2 I think she can because Selane's made out with everybody on this boat. And Selane running around here crying.
And Selene admits it too.

Speaker 2 She's like, I don't know why I'm the one crying because I was making out with other people too. But that's kind of how I feel.

Speaker 2 You can't play with everybody's emotions and then pretend it's no big deal. And then now it's suddenly a big deal when it happens.
I think I don't feel for you.

Speaker 2 But I'm like, I don't think that she should have done it. I don't think she should have done it because it's just messy.

Speaker 2 Like, yes, Elaine may have like gone and made out with a bunch of people, but it's just messy. And it also is like, it also does not,

Speaker 2 it sort of doesn't clarify things. Like, are you like, are you still trying to like make Selene feel a certain sort of way by sleeping under her? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I just think she should have had Barbara come to her room. I don't know why they don't, why that's not even a consideration.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I can see that.

Speaker 2 So, because I just feel like she went back, you know, she did it to Barbara and she did it to Selene, and they have no problem. I don't know.
I think she set the tone for it, a Solane.

Speaker 2 She set the tone for being messy and not caring about anybody's feelings. So enjoy your karma is what I say.

Speaker 2 There's only something for both of them. I didn't like it.
I didn't like it. There's only so many tiny beds to share.

Speaker 2 And how about the other cabin? I don't want you guys cuddling and doing whatever you're doing in the cabin anyway. Can I try to sleep, people who need to fuck on the boat?

Speaker 2 Do like everybody else does and go fuck on the cat cradle or whatever that thing is or the

Speaker 2 guest cabin or whatever.

Speaker 2 My feeling is really just that, like, I don't really care so much about Selene's feelings in this.

Speaker 2 I just, I'm like, I don't want to hear you talk about how you've learned about like the consequences to your actions and how you've got grown and whatever.

Speaker 2 And you're still doing something that's messy. It's like, it's still messy.
So like, just like, just don't do it anymore.

Speaker 2 Like, I, like, I just don't want to, I don't want to, it's more like, I don't want to see you put yourself in a situation where there, there could be ramifications and then you say, oh, God,

Speaker 2 in retrospect, I really shouldn't have done that. Like, if I have to sit through another one of those scenes, I'm going to be mad.
So, just don't do it in the first place.

Speaker 2 I'm really angry today. I'm really, I'm really sassed off.

Speaker 2 I think that guy, Susan Sontag guy, really put me in a state of mind here. I'm like, I'm not happy about any of this.

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Speaker 2 So then we go to Rainbow and Damo, and they're talking about how it's the next charter. And he's kind of flirting.
He's like, I don't know if I'm ready for the next charter.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh my God, I think your bicep is ready. Look at that.
Wow. What guns? Really love those.
Don't we have a sexy thing going on?

Speaker 2 Do you think you think they're like kind of together it seems like they are getting a very slow burn but it may be so slow that it may never actually burn it may just well get with demo that burn's gonna be much quicker it's gonna come on much quicker it's gonna be a lot of burn probably monthly

Speaker 2 monthly and for the rest of your life

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 so now kyle um go pulls salane because he wants to apologize to her and everything and then of course while he they're going off to talk then Jess and Barbara are talking. And Jess is like, I've

Speaker 2 seen this is why I don't want, this is why I do not approve of her sleeping in the same room because now we have to sit through this. I feel really bad that I slept in your bed last night.

Speaker 2 And when I first tried to speak to her at the bar, she wasn't even looking at me. I'm like, Jess, honestly.

Speaker 2 At this point, just throw yourself off the boat. I'm just, I can't.

Speaker 2 You just keep on making these very simple mistakes. And then you're like, but now she is mad at me.
It's like, girl, duh. Yeah.
Use some common sense. Barbara's not bothered at all.

Speaker 2 She's like, well, the raspberries we were growing for the jam are ready for harvesting. So it's time to get to stomping.
It's like, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't want to make the jam? That is not nice. That's not nice.

Speaker 2 She said it today. Did you notice? At one point, she goes, that's not nice.
That's not nice. That's not nice.
I don't like that. Then we get a Carl and Celaine having their talk on the deck.

Speaker 2 And Carl's like, oh,

Speaker 2 I'm genuinely sorry. Sorry for coming at you like I did.
It was very rude. You didn't deserve that.
I was very, very arrogant, you know.

Speaker 2 Still kind of shaking and like doing that like little, he rolls like really little cigarettes and he just looks like a shaky guy asking for a dollar. He really does.
And his nose is still all red.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she's like, oh, it wasn't the first time someone's speaking to me like that. It wasn't the first time.
I'm sure.

Speaker 2 You piss off a lot of people. So

Speaker 2 it's like I've spoken to, I've speak to like that in traffic. I don't, whatever.

Speaker 2 Well, I apologize for being such an arrogant prick. And she's like, it's okay.
It's like, put it to bed. You go that way.
I go this way. Oh, but we are on the same boat.
There's only the one way.

Speaker 2 So we go both that way. But then we, maybe I walk backward, you walk forward.
Why would you walk? Why would you walk that way? Why walk forward, same way, and same boat, same direction?

Speaker 2 I meant it figuratively. Oh, now you're talking about my figure? No, we're not in this place.
No more. No more.
I decided to accept apologize from Scottish because he's, you know, Scottish.

Speaker 2 He's stupid. But I like him.
He's stupid, but nice, stupid. You know, when people hurt, they can be crazy.
We're human. We're not perfect.
Scottish is very far to be perfect. Scottish is not children.

Speaker 2 But.

Speaker 2 All right. All right.
Hugo, Hugo, I'm heading to the fly bridge, which, as we we know is the tiny bridge that flies use to cross from one side of Seamart to another.

Speaker 2 I'm going to the fly bridge, otherwise known as the Jeff Goldblum Bridge.

Speaker 2 You might be there, I'll be pooping on my food to help me digest it.

Speaker 2 You might be wondering why the flies don't use their wings. Well, guess what? It's called sometimes they like to have arrests.
All right, get you over there.

Speaker 2 I'll be up there spitting vomit on an apple. All right.

Speaker 2 Anybody's up there to join me.

Speaker 2 The fly bridge, which, as we all know, is where the people of St. Martin transport their zippers from one end of the island to another.
The fly bridge,

Speaker 2 it's also where I go up there and pop my collar a little bit,

Speaker 2 wear acid jeans,

Speaker 2 and do the Roger Rabbit. Right? Is that still considered fly these days? A pretty fly for a white guy.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, yeah, he goes up there and

Speaker 2 they are having engine trouble. He goes like, yeah, obviously all the output stuff's wet.
He's like, yeah, for the sake of it looking pretty, I would rather, oh, no, he's checking over the boat.

Speaker 2 So this is where Carrie is getting all anal over the boat. And he's like, all right, for the sake of things looking good, I'd like the dick to be dry.
Do you understand?

Speaker 2 Dry dicks look better than wet dicks. Right.
Why are we talking about wet dicks? I feel like that's really inappropriate. All right.
All right.

Speaker 2 Listen here. I don't want to get this dick wet is what I'm trying to say before the guests come.
Last time the guests were here, the problem was wet dick. All right.
So let's fix that.

Speaker 2 All right. All right.
Okay.

Speaker 2 All right, Fraser, let's look at this bathroom here now. Okay, now this countertop looks nice.
The pink is looking wonderful.

Speaker 2 Okay, the towels, we should have two towels on the countertop and one by the toilet. So two in the pink, one by the stink.
All right. And then

Speaker 2 why are you looking at me that way, Fraser?

Speaker 2 It's the pink, sir. It's the pink.
All right. Well, carry on.
I'm going to stop pooping down here. This is a lovely bathroom.
This is the loveliest bathroom we've ever had.

Speaker 2 Pooping in this bathroom would be an adventure.

Speaker 2 All right, Anthony, let's look at your galley. This looks clean.
Let me look at the refrigerator. Okay, let's see what we've got here.
We've got milk, milk, lemonade. Okay, around the corner.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's what the chocolate's made. Stick your finger.
If you stick it now, Anthony, if you stick your finger in this thing, oops, it's a Tootsie roll.

Speaker 2 I am not following.

Speaker 2 Why can't I think of any of those? I feel extremely mature for not having those in my lexicon. I don't know if there's many more after that.

Speaker 2 You know, it's like I always say, you wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor, it's a 50-yard dash to the bathroom door, diarrhea. Am I right, everyone?

Speaker 2 Maggie's talking about pooping

Speaker 2 well

Speaker 2 um now i have a question do we have any air freshener it smells nice in here although to be fair whoever smelt it dealt it

Speaker 2 all right we're past sexual innuendo now and just straight on to bodily fluids

Speaker 2 whoever didn't whoever

Speaker 2 whoever did the rhyme did the crime am i right i will not take the blame for another season i will not be villainized oh really really? Because whoever denied it supplied it.

Speaker 2 I think that's it. That's all I have.
So Rainbow and Barbara do some laundry.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Barbara's like, oh, how is so-and-so doing? She's like, I don't know, nor do I care. That's what you get for messing with Rainbow.
Rainbow has turned into Rain Bnow.

Speaker 2 Okay, Rainbino. I don't care.
I don't care if she's even living right now. I don't care if she's breathing.
And that's what happens when you fuck with the bow.

Speaker 2 You fuck with the bow, you're going to get the horns of the rainbow, which I know rainbows don't have horns, but if they had horns, you would be getting them. And

Speaker 2 physical presence.

Speaker 2 They have horns, but they're spelled H-E-A-U-R-N-S.

Speaker 2 I'm a little happy that Jess is with Barbs and not with Selene. This is Karma coming to bite her in the ass.

Speaker 2 Ha.

Speaker 2 so uh now uh guests are coming soon by the way we see salain falling down the stairs again

Speaker 2 oh yeah sorry

Speaker 2 how many times does she have to fall down like the power of rainbow it's like oh yeah you want to mess with me my good friend barbs you know we're good friends because i call her barbs now

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 barbs

Speaker 2 so guests are arriving guests arriving and kyle uh he's like well i hope these guests are actually fun but i'm i'm not allowed to speak to them so i've got to stay away from the guests. Poor Kyle.

Speaker 2 Poor Kyle is stuck in a nook in the corner, not able to talk to any of the guests. Don't y'all feel sad for me? So then a good illustration this episode of what happens when someone is

Speaker 2 self-sabotaging, which is basically what he was doing, right? He's like, I'm just going to get shit-faced.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do what I know I shouldn't do, get so drunk that I'm evil, fuck a guest, brag about fucking the guests. I'm going to get fired.

Speaker 2 I'm going to throw all of this good that I've built up out the window, but then people people don't let you

Speaker 2 because he's like, What am I still doing here? You were supposed to fire me, and now we're seeing him spin out like he's trapped because he didn't get to get fired.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he didn't sabotage well enough. Yeah, it's too bad, too bad.
You were doing self-sabotage, and that was a disservice to you. He sabotages sabotage.

Speaker 2 Um, so the guests arrive, and now it's they get the tour, and it's 12:37 p.m.

Speaker 2 Now, this is important because everything that happens right now does not even happen at 12:30 nor at 12:35. It's at 12:37,

Speaker 2 and it's time to depart. And Carrie's like, all right, I'm gonna thrust the starboard with a port wash.
It's like, well, well, you're gonna pour some after-dinner wine off the side of the boat.

Speaker 2 No, it means something else entirely. All right, let's look.
Any wash? Any wash? Hugo, do you see any wash?

Speaker 2 I don't. Still not wash.
There's no wash. Still no wash.

Speaker 2 Nope. Wash.
Nope. Wash.
Hold on. Hold on.
I see. Wash.
No, there's no wash. That wasn't wash.
All right. Okay.
How about this? Look to the left. Now look back to the right real quickly.
Wash.

Speaker 2 I can't see right now. All right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Countdown. Walking.
Walking.

Speaker 2 Wash. Walking.
I'm in the water. I'm in the water.
Man overboard. Somebody.
All right. No, if you're in the water, that does not count as wash, even though you are well washed.
Well, I've been washed.

Speaker 2 I smell like fish. I smell like fish, but I'm here.
I'm back. I'm back.
All right, all right, all right. I'm going to radio.
I'm going to radio Andrew. Andrew, Andrew, it's Carrie.

Speaker 2 Andrew, it's your big moment. It's the time when you get to come on camera.
And so now we have. I'd like to call all of the people who actually run this boat to the deck, please.

Speaker 2 To the bridge.

Speaker 2 Let's just have a little BTS here. All right.
Of people who actually do work on this boat. So we get all the slubby people who actually work on the boat.
They're

Speaker 2 captain.

Speaker 2 It's all the Monty Moles. They all arrive.
They're like bowling shirts. Their butt cracks are hanging out.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. What do you mean here, huh? What can I do for you, Cap?

Speaker 2 You know on Super Mario Brothers, Monty Mole, who like pokes his head up from the ground with like the

Speaker 2 manhole cover on his head and throws a wrench? I hate that. That's who these guys are.
Yeah. I hate that.
They pop up and they're like, we're ready for you, boss.

Speaker 2 So he's like, they're like the non-TV ready people. Yeah.
Hold on, production's insisting I wear man spanks. So hold on.
Oh, God, that's too tight.

Speaker 2 The producer's like, okay, could someone tell the PA who's guarding the ugly person door to unlock it and let them out? Thank you. Over and out.

Speaker 2 Please be ready with paper bags to put over these guys' head. They're going to have to go on camera.
All right.

Speaker 2 Please make sure all microphones are far away.

Speaker 2 We do not want to get their disgusting phlegmy voices on camera can we get the extras uh who actually have jobs from fred flimstone's bowling alley up here in the bridge

Speaker 2 can we can we ask the uh attractive people to line up a series of hoses so that way by the time they get out of their ugly room and get to the captain's quarters they can be washed off i'm sorry they're only allowed uh out of their cages with the code u g l y you ain't got no alibi you ugly yeah yeah you ugly okay they're out they're on and on out, Captain.

Speaker 2 I like that one.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Guests, excuse me, I'm just going to encourage you to look at the island of St.

Speaker 2 Monde while we, the members of the interior, are going to hold up some bed sheets so you don't have to see the atrocities that are emerging on the other side of this boat. All right.

Speaker 2 Human tunnel has been created.

Speaker 2 In case anybody has to let one go, this is the Lazarette. It's the bathroom of the new Jesus.
On the Real Housewives of Lampin. Please enjoy yourselves.

Speaker 2 All right, America. This is what you need to know.
Before you leave, you always test the steering on each station, on each engine, and on the bow thruster.

Speaker 2 And if they don't see a wash, it's not working. Losing a wing station is a massive problem because then if you don't have a wing station, I mean,

Speaker 2 why'd you order all that ranch? Am I right?

Speaker 2 So I can't leave.

Speaker 2 No one wants a dry wing, and that's just the godforsaken truth. Roth, there for you on your plane.

Speaker 2 I mean, is there anything more awkward than having a bag full of celery sticks and a jog full of rent and no wing station? It's like having a chocolate fountain with no cookies to dip it into.

Speaker 2 What's the point? What is the point? Will this marriage last? No one will know. Until next week on Below Dick Adventure.

Speaker 2 So the problem is that basically

Speaker 2 he says, like, okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 Each of the stations go to a central brain. And unfortunately, as you may have seen, there's not a single brain on this boat this entire season.

Speaker 2 It's kind of the theme of the season.

Speaker 2 There is no central brain. All right.
We've got a problem with one of the controllers on the boat. I'm not leaving with anything, not at 100%.
Hold on, hold on. I've got a call.
Mickey?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're still trying to drive there? All right, just back it in. I don't care.

Speaker 2 There will be lights that warn the lady to get out. You just hit the lady, did you? All right, have your mother deal with it.
God, it's hard being away from my son. All right, fix the boat.

Speaker 2 All right, get out of here, ugly people. We're sick of looking at you.

Speaker 2 Like I was saying, I'm not leaving this dock with anything nodded 100%, except for the capabilities of my crew. So

Speaker 2 basically,

Speaker 2 these

Speaker 2 ugly people are there and they're trying to fix it. And they're like, this thing's flashing, but that thing's not flashing.
And the stats check the stats on. That is awful.

Speaker 2 Poor guys are like literally not ugly. We're so terrible.
They're so cute.

Speaker 2 Actually, often they're really hot. Remember, actually, Malia started dating one because he was so hot.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They just hit standards. Oh, Malia.
Remember, yeah. Well, Malia also talked to them because they were the only people not exposed to her wretchedness.
The original demo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Damo.

Speaker 2 So now Celaine and Barbara are. The original tattletale, you mean? Is that what you're saying? Yeah.
The original random.

Speaker 2 The original.

Speaker 2 The original random.

Speaker 2 Celaine and Barbara are in the main salon bar, and Barbara's like, We need to talk. I really want to speak to you about yesterday.

Speaker 2 And first, I'm going to apologize because you're my friend, and I don't think it was nice. What happened? It wasn't nice.
And you know what happened? That wasn't nice. It was me this time.
It was me.

Speaker 2 It wasn't nice. I wasn't nice.
Bad me.

Speaker 2 I like good me. I like nice me, not nice.
Not not

Speaker 2 nice me. That was a lot of nuts.

Speaker 2 But I'm sorry. Okay, Barbara,

Speaker 2 he's just sleeping there, you know, but like whatever's going to happen between you and me is okay, no worries. I'm just processing.
Babara, Babara.

Speaker 2 Uh, you know how she moves on, like, for Babara without explaining to me. I don't know, it's not good, but I kissed the other person also, so I realize the consequences.

Speaker 2 Are we having a conversation about consequences? I'm in my own confessional. Get out of here, oh, get out of here.

Speaker 2 These are the consequences of interrupting someone else's confession, and I have to accept that. I deserved that.
I deserved it.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 the first bowling alley guy is like, well, something

Speaker 2 going on here, that's for sure.

Speaker 2 Getting on the starboard engine somewhere.

Speaker 2 We're going to see if we can take control. We're going to take control.
Well, can't take control, I guess. Shut the engines down.
That's what you do on a boat. Okay, get that thing.

Speaker 2 It's called the wheel, Captain. Okay, it's the wheel.
And by the way, I say captain in quotes.

Speaker 2 Right, I don't even know how to drive this stupid boat.

Speaker 2 Hey, Fred, I'm just gonna start checking the fuses, okay? And Terry's like, Radio, all right, sounds good. He's like, All right, we're gonna try to turn it on, Fred.
Oh, it's not working, Fred.

Speaker 2 Hey, Fred, I got two fingers in a hole and another thumb in the other hole. It's like the mouth hole.
It's not working, Fred.

Speaker 2 Well, I gotta say, Bernie, hold on, let me just see what's happening on the outside of this boat, and now let me just walk right back on the password. God damn it.

Speaker 2 Demo locked me out of the yacht again.

Speaker 2 Carrie.

Speaker 2 All right. You know, listen, the yacht, let me tell you something.
All right, I'm going to need to talk to Hugo and Fraser. Have them both come up here.
All right, both of you.

Speaker 2 I wanted to say this to both of you so I don't have to tell you each individually. The Lazarette is the place to poop.
Second, the boat's broken. All right, it's just broken.
Yacht's stuck.

Speaker 2 I don't know when we we can leave, but I know it's not today. This could kill our season.
The season could be dead.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 so that's scary. Commercials.

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Speaker 2 So now we go to it's 1.15 p.m. So Fraser is like, okay, ladies and gentlemen of the guests' quarters, I have an announcement to make.
First of all, I am hideous. We can just address that right now.

Speaker 2 Second of all, please welcome to the stage the one and only Captain

Speaker 2 Carrie.

Speaker 2 Captain Carrie, you have the floor.

Speaker 2 Captain Kerry. Does he even come up there? Oh, yeah.
I do come here. I do come here.
Everybody, can we just give a round of applause to Fraser for that lovely intro?

Speaker 2 Also, Fraser, you're not as fat as you think. All right, can we just tell Fraser he's not as fat as he thinks.
Everybody wants, all right, we'll find a shorter way to say that. Get out of here.

Speaker 2 Get out of here. Thank you, but But just I want to say that it doesn't really mean much coming from all you fat people.
Okay. I need to be judged by skinny people.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 I will only be judged by a jury of my peers, unfortunately.

Speaker 2 All right. How are we all doing? Great.
Good to be here. Good to see you.
All right. So we're having some mechanical issues with the boat.
I cannot take control of the boat from the stations.

Speaker 2 Even all the rubbles downstairs are confused. So we're going to be stuck here tonight.
And what I can offer you, let me tell you, this is going to be exciting. Nothing, all right, absolutely nothing.

Speaker 2 You want to take out a couple of bikes? That's great, there's no land. You want to take out a couple of jet skis? Don't have anyone capable of getting them out.
All right, do we have Bogle on board?

Speaker 2 We do not. Can't even shake up a bunch of little letters in a plastic box and turn them into words.
You're all fucked. All right, hope you got good high school stories to share.

Speaker 2 All right, even you, Carl McLahan. What the hell? Is that a real haircut? Who lifted your face? Have it put back.
It's too tight, brother. All right, I'll be watching Netflix.

Speaker 2 I am obsessed with the way you say McLaughlin, I have to say. I've never heard it said mispronounced that way.
McLahan.

Speaker 2 I thought it was Kyle McLahan. McLaughlin? Wait, how did you say that? Kyle McLaughlin.
Yeah. Kyle McLaughlin.
McLahan.

Speaker 2 McLahan is kind of amazing.

Speaker 2 Well, now I'm... Now I'm paranoid.
Maybe it is McLahan, but I'm pretty sure it's Kyle McLaughlin. Okay.

Speaker 2 Can we just go over all the times you've been right and i've been wrong on this show you're right i'm pretty sure just like let's just go by the numbers i'm pretty sure you're right on this one but i do love that colin mclahan um

Speaker 2 so then uh shannon bador possesses a guest named david who goes are you kidding me are you kidding me

Speaker 2 And Ron, Ron's like, I know, we've got to be moving, David. We've got to be moving.
And David's like, we got screwed. So now

Speaker 2 Fraser is like, um, Anthony, I don't think we're moving today. So what do you mean we are not moving? I have octopus leg.
By the way, can I not be served an entire octopus arm?

Speaker 2 Like, what the fuck, bro? Did you see the octopus he served? It's like this thick. It's thick as a human arm.
I need like

Speaker 2 fins. No, it's too much when it's like a gigantic thing like that.
And you have to cut through the rubberiness and like

Speaker 2 properly, it's beautiful but I know what you're saying you want it to be a little bit more

Speaker 2 manageable yeah

Speaker 2 I don't want a monster from the fucking 20,000 leagues under the sea you know what I mean I want like a little dainty child that was killed not I Methuselah

Speaker 2 not not like the Lazarette of octopuses wait is Methuselah the one that came back to life in the Bible or Lazarus was the really old one Methuselah was the one that came back to life right no Methuselah is the old one I don't know who Lazarus is to be honest I'm I'm Jewish and I don't know this part of the book.

Speaker 2 I think Lazarus is Old Testy. I just,

Speaker 2 oh, well, in that case, I'm just uninformed Jewish.

Speaker 2 Lazarus can refer to several things, notably a figure from the Bible, a software, or a TV series. In the Bible, Lazarus of Bethany.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'm Lazarus. Hey, it's me.
It's Lazarus. You know what I love?

Speaker 2 Mana. Mana.
This mana is delicious. I got this mana from the mana story down the street.
It's the best one in the Hamptons. It's the best one in the street in the Hamptons.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm trying this manna. You know what?

Speaker 2 It's good. I don't know if I would spend 40 days and 40 nights eating it, but you know, it's all right.
It's all right. It's salt.
Salt.

Speaker 2 40 days and 40 nights is how long he fasted, not how long he ate. That's how I do a fast.
I do the opposite of the Jesus diet. I just eat mana.

Speaker 2 Okay, Lazarus of Bethany is a man whom Jesus raised from the dead. There, where you go.
There you go. Oh,

Speaker 2 so this is like a small, this is like Lazarus is like a lady that Jesus resurrected, or maybe just like a small version of the man. It's a Lazarus.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He was resurrected after being dead for four days, which honestly, I would have told Jesus if I was there back then in the New Testament, I would have been like, Jesus, it's been too long.

Speaker 2 Like you can bring Lazarus back to life, but is Lazarus ever going to smell the same? No. The decomposition has already started.

Speaker 2 He's going to have a new life where people are always going, does something smell in here? I I think it's Lazarus. It's Lazarus.

Speaker 2 Are we also sure that Lazarus was really dead in the first place? Because this was Lazarus of Bethany, which means that Lazarus was going around being like, oh my God, literally, I'm dead. I'm dead.

Speaker 2 I can't. I don't.
I don't want it. I'm dead.
I'm dead. I'm dead.
Like, my walls are up. I'm dead.
I'm dead. So Jesus is like, okay, I'll resurrect you.
It's like, well, Lazarus was just saying that.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is that sacrilegious? I apologize to the Christians for making too much of a joke out of the story. Out of the Bible.
Oh, come on. I mean, listen, we're promoting in a way, you know? Ain't no press.

Speaker 2 Ain't no bad press. All right.
So Anthony is like, we're not on boat anymore. We're like restaurant hotel.
That is going to work harder because now they're going to eat all day.

Speaker 2 I forgot the tip is going really, really, really

Speaker 2 down. So let us make the magic happen with French finger.
French finger magic. So we know this is going to be an Anthony breakdown episode.

Speaker 2 You can already see it coming because he's manic about proving himself worthy

Speaker 2 so the big plan for these guests is that they're going to essentially move the boat forward a little bit so they can kind of create like a little pool so everyone can have their their dream can come true which is swimming in the gasoline and muck of a

Speaker 2 yacht harbor

Speaker 2 like have you ever dreamed about swimming right where all the exhaust of the yacht comes out that's what we can do for you where all the otters lay on a rock and poop

Speaker 2 Like, you know, in the Santa Monica Harbor, that's how it is. They all, all the seals or whatever, gather on the rocks and they just lay there and they're

Speaker 2 so cute to look at, but all you smell is their poop. They make mountains of poop and then just lie around on their poop all day and take naps.
It's disgusting. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, it's not unlike some guests on below deck.
So Carrie is like, oh, everyone.

Speaker 2 And Seal is like,

Speaker 2 why is there lipstick on the toilet?

Speaker 2 We're going to use the winches to move the boat forward, but the winches can't sustain that load for a long period of time. So you snap a line, you could take someone's leg or arm off.

Speaker 2 You pull a bollard, you could kill someone. So watch out for the bollards and the winches, everyone.
Bollards and winches.

Speaker 2 I love how on the show, every time they do something on the deck, they're like, all right, we're going to do this, but it could result in everybody here dying. All right.
Let's watch this.

Speaker 2 Pull the winch. Pull the winch.
Just pull it. Oh, God.
You're pointing too tight. We're almost dead.
That would be the consequences of my action. I deserve everything.

Speaker 2 Take me. Take me.

Speaker 2 So Carrie goes up to the guests and they're like, Sam, have we got any good news? Well, there is good news. We found out what the problem is.
This boat's sinking. We have 36 hours to live.
All right.

Speaker 2 But right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we found the problem. All right.
We're sourcing the part. Now, here's that's the good news.
We've sort of sourcing it. Now, here's the bad news.
We're sourcing it from Temu. All right.

Speaker 2 Now, here's some more good news. Went on Temu to find the part.
Got to spin a wheel. I'm getting $100 off orders of $19 million or more.
All right. And I have another chance to spin.
Hold on.

Speaker 2 I got it again. All right.
It's all good news. We're on the dock, but I'm getting a lot of polyester pants, possibly a boat part, if they add it

Speaker 2 and here's some more good news

Speaker 2 we found some sudoku puzzles for you so we just will distribute those and hope you have a great time for the next three days solving those all right

Speaker 2 I'm sorry I'm more of a wordle person captain there's no internet on this boat the internet has broken all right we're trying to source internet right now is very very difficult All right, wait, what's this?

Speaker 2 Oh, I just heard our Temu arrival has come ahead of schedule. So So guess what? The part has arrived and they're opening up the box right now.

Speaker 2 And, oh, unfortunately, they just sent a pair of Capri pants by accident. So it looks like we'll have to wait another day for the engine part while we order it.

Speaker 2 These actually were the pants that Captain Sandy had ordered during her season. They just got here because they were ordered through Temu, it's taken a long time and sent to the wrong address.

Speaker 2 But I do have some nice black polyester capris. All right.

Speaker 2 We are going to be holding a rare for the Capri pants. It's whoever can finish their Sudoku puzzle fastest wins some Capri pants.

Speaker 2 This is so, so unfair. And they're only here for three days.
These guys are not letting, they're not getting the experience they paid for. And now, as stews, we have to be really entertaining.

Speaker 2 Me, Fraser, the most entertaining person on the planet, is about to really show them what I can do by running around with the tray, wobbling, and saying, I can't stand this shit. I want to die.

Speaker 2 So, the deck team is like Hugo is like on the back of the boat, being like, Hmm, what to do? And it's just standing there. He's just like figuring out where to put out the swim platforms.

Speaker 2 And the guests are drinking espresso martinis.

Speaker 2 And Kyle is like, Oh, I feel like I'm very much under the microscope. Don't be around the guests.
Don't say certain things. Don't fuck all the women who are on board.
Things like that, you know.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to do the best I can to stay away from them them without looking like I'm being rude. They don't care.

Speaker 2 No one is sitting around being like, hey, that guy with the mop sure is being distant.

Speaker 2 No one's saying that guy who looks like he should be in a Harmony Corinne movie certainly isn't talking to me today.

Speaker 2 Harmony Corinne movie. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 2 He just went for the jugular with that one.

Speaker 2 By the way, that's the name of two future below tech students, I'm sure. Harmony and Corinne.
Harmony and Corinne. It says it'll be spelled like H-A-R-M-H-O-M-O-N-K-N-E-E-Y-E-E.

Speaker 2 Do you remember Brittini? L-O-L. I can't.
Oh, my God. It's pronounced Brittini.
It's like, no, I refuse. I'm never going to call you.

Speaker 2 That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. No.
What a dumb-dumb.

Speaker 2 So anyway.

Speaker 2 So then the guest is like, hey, Fraser, do you think those jet skis are ready yet? He's like, I'll have a check for you.

Speaker 2 The answer will be no, but what I'll do is I'll walk away and then I'll be gone for 45 minutes and come back and you can ask again.

Speaker 2 But the way Fraser does it, you know, the

Speaker 2 term, like, never let him see you sweat. You're just supposed to be, sure, let me check on that.
I'll be right back. But Fraser's like, let me check for you.
I'll be right back.

Speaker 2 Oh, my god what are we gonna do is it working yet is it working yet I've got people starving to death up here for entertainment look at Kyle Mocklahan he looks pathetic enough already can we please do something the poor man he hasn't been able to move his face since he's been here do something it's all under control everybody it's all under control

Speaker 2 I'm running this chart on my own, it feels like, and I have to give the guests something. So, Fallatio, it is.

Speaker 2 So you

Speaker 2 kyle really chose the wrong week to fuck a guest

Speaker 2 i could have used his superpower today i know

Speaker 2 so hugo and fraser on the swim platform and frazier's like so hugo they're saying please let's do something and they've been asking me for three hours and they really just want to get on a jet ski but you've taken so long that now i have to propose a sunset cruise do you realize i'm proposing an evening activity before they even get to their afternoon activity Do you understand this right now?

Speaker 2 He goes like, I will take as long to do this as I take taking out the trash. Okay.
I can guarantee you that. It's like, good.
Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.

Speaker 2 So Fraser goes up. He's like, so I know you all asked for jet skis, but how would you like to do a sunset cruise in our tender instead? He proposes it like, oh, isn't this great?

Speaker 2 I'm like, that's 100% different than going on jet skis.

Speaker 2 I mean, it sounds fun, but like, I would be like wait we just asked you for three hours what about the jet skis and you've been saying they're on their way and now suddenly you're saying we're going on a sunset cruise i would not be yeah i didn't really understood understand this because we see them getting

Speaker 2 what was their plan with they were like okay we're gonna move the boat out into the middle of the water with ropes and then that just didn't work and so now the deck team is trying to come up with a way to move the boat further out like how does this make any sense this was bizarre i didn't understand this.

Speaker 2 I didn't understand it. Why did they not take them on an excursion across the island somewhere? Like, they've done this stuff before.

Speaker 2 I don't understand why they, they just seemed like they were, they had no idea what to do in this sort of situation.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they should have taken them around to the end of the island or something on the charter and like given them snacks and drinks and then like taking them out and then taking them on a tour of the town and ended up back at the other side or something.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, gone snorkeling on the other side of the island or driven up one one of the mountains or things like that i don't know i just feel like there's a real lack of creativity going on here so you know um uh fraser says all right tech crew aren't providing anything for us so i'm gonna do something we're going on a sunset cruise together salain she's like what is cruise i mean i know tom cruise but i really don't know cruise like cruise what huh what huh okay you work on a boat and you don't know what a cruise is i mean come on this is not an like an esl issue this is you just fucking around.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's like, well, you can have a break here. And she goes, no, I want to come.
I want to see what is cruise. What is

Speaker 2 cruise?

Speaker 2 So, yeah. She's like, I'm thinking about this.
I can't help it. But the more important for me is to be good at my job and be normal.
Oh, Celine, she's so good at her job. Well, that ship has sailed.

Speaker 2 Okay. That ship has cruised.

Speaker 2 That cruise has sunken. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That cruise has carnivaled. Okay.

Speaker 2 It's over.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 they all get on the tender to go on their cruise. Then Anthony is reviewing the preference sheets and he's having this like reverse beautiful mind moment.

Speaker 2 What's the opposite of a beautiful mind? Ugly. The numbers are like just going back into your head.

Speaker 2 He's like, want so many, so many things to look at.

Speaker 2 So then the guests are having a great time. And then Kyle decides to call his grandma, Joyce.
And she's like, oh, Kyle, did you have a nice birthday? And she's like, No, I had a horrible birthday.

Speaker 2 I nearly got fired, Granny. Just all behavior yourself.
Did you stick it in somebody, Carl? Just go ahead and tell me what you did. We know you stuck it in somebody.

Speaker 2 It's closer about that time, isn't it, Carl?

Speaker 2 Carl, keep it quick. I'm having Fergus Medellicotty eating me out at the moment.

Speaker 2 Okay, Granny. It's all family.

Speaker 2 Granny, I'll make it. She's like drinking straight out of a whiskey bottle.
She's like, get into it.

Speaker 2 Granny's going to get some over here.

Speaker 2 He's like, no, I'm not behaving myself. That's what the problem is.

Speaker 2 So then we get Kyle one of the first of his two Instagram walls he got this episode. So, Instagram walls.
And Kyle saying, growing up, me mom was a single parent on her own.

Speaker 2 So I kind of always finished school and I'd either be on my own at the house or I'd be at the farm to go work. And I definitely was allowed to live free as a youngster.

Speaker 2 And I think that maybe being an only child and not having anybody to kind of check in on me and life probably didn't make some of the best decisions. And I never asked for help.

Speaker 2 I don't think I ever asked for help. Maybe I should.

Speaker 2 And we just see photos upon photos of him just looking like a pure disaster. Like this guy,

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. He needs, first of all, to be showered.
A shower would be a good place to start. And like,

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm actually...
quite concerned about Kyle.

Speaker 2 I worry about his trajectory in life. It does not seem very good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it doesn't seem like the strongest trajectory. And he's been doing so well, I think, for the most part this season.

Speaker 2 You know, I mean, he's been kind of crashing and burning over a chick, but he hasn't been as crazy, fall down, drunk, and as messy as he's gotten on the past season where that was worrying.

Speaker 2 And this time he is, you know, he is, he is doing bad. But he's doing that thing that makes me crazy where he's like, maybe it is time I should ask for help.

Speaker 2 But first of all, you're only doing that after you got caught and got in trouble. So it doesn't really count.
And then you just do it again in two seconds. So I don't know.

Speaker 2 But I do think he needs help. And, you know, you got to root for Kyle.
He seems like a nice guy. It's just a disaster.
Yeah. He seems nice.

Speaker 2 So Carrie gets a text. Guess what? The part, it's not going to ship until tomorrow.
Pun intended. You know what? I didn't appreciate that pun right now.
It's a serious situation. Okay.

Speaker 2 Although, now I think about it, it's a pretty good pun shipping tomorrow.

Speaker 2 So Fraser is like, oh, interior, interior, interior, please. This is very important.
We need welcome drinks and towels. The guests get nothing.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Nothing.

Speaker 2 So now everyone's getting ready. And then Ron and Denise are chatting.

Speaker 2 Denise is the one who wants to jump off the front of the yacht in her wedding dress, which, by the way, like, you deserve to have a broken boat because of this. So Ron is like, 10 years to go.

Speaker 2 I mean, this is a stupid request.

Speaker 2 I feel like this was the world being like, you're dumb. I feel like the world was like, you know what, we're sick of your stupid fucking wedding post.

Speaker 2 Because this girl, Denise, has been posting about her wedding for 10 fucking years. Okay.
We all know it. Yeah.
We all know it.

Speaker 2 We all know that if Denise, if her, if, if, like, if Instagram were around when her kids, when she had her kids, you know, she would be up there make, putting her kid on a beach with some seashells next to us, being like, one week, two weeks, two weeks, one day, two weeks, two days.

Speaker 2 Like, we all need a fucking countdown.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's Denise.

Speaker 2 So, Ron's like 10 years. And by the way, Ronnie, by the way, Ronnie, get excited because as far as I can tell,

Speaker 2 it's August 19th today, which means we are about to enter prime. My kid is going back to school.
So, here he is holding a chalkboard to say what grade he's going into. Just get ready.
Get ready. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's skinny time, huh? A skinny time. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Ronnie, you're like, I love it. I'm like, get ready.
I know, I do. I love it.
Because I'm the one on all of those posts. Oh, my God.
You've grown so much. I just love you so much.

Speaker 2 It's from your uncle. Your real name is Rondal.
That's what they wanted to name you. Love you.
Call me. You can come play PlayStation later.
Can't wait. Sack boys are waiting.

Speaker 2 I'm like, please post more content about character actresses. Thank you.

Speaker 2 So Ron's like, 10 years ago today we got married and you look as beautiful today as you did 10 years ago. She's, oh, really? Well, you look more handsome today than you did 10 years ago.

Speaker 2 Really upped your ante. Now, what are you going to say back to me? He's like,

Speaker 2 that's all I got. He's like, actually,

Speaker 2 mine wasn't really a compliment. I was just trying to say, I always thought you were going to kind of like raise your game once you were married to me, but you really haven't.

Speaker 2 10 years ago, I married a midwoman. And here I am 10 years later, celebrating a midwoman.
Wow. God, things really don't change much, do they? They said that

Speaker 2 once you marry a rich guy like me, she'll want to have plastic surgery, but she never put in that request.

Speaker 2 I just, I have enough for the both of us, I guess.

Speaker 2 Denise catching strays. Denise is lovely, by the way.

Speaker 2 Denise is actually like so. Actually, honestly,

Speaker 2 we're just ragging on Denise.

Speaker 2 What'd you say? I think actually everyone's pretty nice on this charter. I think they're understandably miffed.

Speaker 2 I think that that the tipping thing was was wrong but they are they're they're generally pretty nice people they just well they're fake nice i guess because they don't tip um so carrie is carry joins for a drink and he's like in his like civilian clothes and uh denise is like so do we have a status on the ship and uh Ron is like, do we have a status on the plastic surgeon?

Speaker 2 Am I right, Carrie? Right. Am I right?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, it's like, all right, I've got good news. All right.
I did get a package today. Bad news,

Speaker 2 it was not the boat part. All right.
Good news, it was a pair of capris that fit me. All right.
I ordered from Amazon, got them here in a day. Captain Sandy really needs to learn not to use Tamu.

Speaker 2 Am I right? That was hilarious. So are we going to leave on the boat today? No, you are going nowhere.
All right. But I did have the boys put some letters in a bowl.

Speaker 2 You can pick them out and try to make words out of them. All right, that's the good news.

Speaker 2 All right, we did find an old copy of Taboo. The buzzer doesn't quite work.
It sort of sounds like a dying fly from the fly bridge, but it's fun. So if you want to say disappointment,

Speaker 2 you have to say it without using these five synonyms. Give it a try.

Speaker 2 Furious. Upset.
God, you were really good at that. All right, I'm going to pack up the taboo.

Speaker 2 All right, good news. I just got some good news.
We've got a part

Speaker 2 in Miami. All right.
Bad news. This is not Miami.
All right.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to go ahead and have the boys get out of Globe and show you just how fucking far you are from the part. All right.

Speaker 2 All right. Actually, we do.
I did just get an email that apparently I did get a part.

Speaker 2 The bad news is it was a part. in the local Fort Lauderdale production of Miss Saigon.
So

Speaker 2 it was not quite the part that I think you were looking for. But that being said, why don't you all sit down and let me regale you with my role.

Speaker 2 Wait!

Speaker 2 It's a ginger neutral. All right, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Everybody sit down. Let me try that again.
They call T-Moon, the dust of life, conceived in hell and born in strife. Right, you got it? Right.

Speaker 2 That was

Speaker 2 all together now. The hate is on and zaigon.

Speaker 2 The heat is on and zaigon.

Speaker 2 The chicks are hotter in hell.

Speaker 2 My favorite T-Z Broadway moment. The heat is on and zaigon.

Speaker 2 The chicks are hotter in hell.

Speaker 2 That's always made me laugh. Every time I hear it, I crack out.
The chicks are hotter in hell.

Speaker 2 No, not in hell, like at hell, but the way they had to pronounce it, because they're like, you're just,

Speaker 2 uh arming guys, we don't want you to say,

Speaker 2 you know, then we want you to say,

Speaker 2 you know, so they're like, the chicks are hotter than hell.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought you were saying the chicks are hotter in hell. Like, he does not like, um, but man, the chicks are ugly here.

Speaker 2 Kind of why it's funny. They're saying the chicks are hotter than hell, but they're like, the chicks are hotter in hell.

Speaker 2 He desongs

Speaker 2 adventures on and sagon

Speaker 2 Listen, with everything that's been going on and as busy as I've been coming out of my room from watching Netflix to telling the guests they're not getting shit, I mean, it's a bit exhausting.

Speaker 2 Mentally, I'm exhausted, but the least I could do is have dinner with them. I mean, that's what everybody wants, right? So I'm going to do it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to try and take away attention from the problem.

Speaker 2 Like I'm a bullfighter. It's hilarious, right? Not the spear one, just this one, the one with the

Speaker 2 flag.

Speaker 2 Rainbow's like, mess with the rainbow, you get the horns. Am I right, Captain? Bulls, you know, right?

Speaker 2 All right, it is time for dinner. Black turtle, carbonara, pasta, best chief in the world.

Speaker 2 And then, meanwhile, Jess is like, you guys have trash upstairs, but we actually have a really stupidly large bin of trash.

Speaker 2 I'll come in two seconds because taking trash out is the consequence of my action of deciding to be a deckhand. Oh, next time I will not be a deckhand and deal with trash.

Speaker 2 So I guess we're seeing that one person at least takes out trash. They're putting that in this episode so we know.

Speaker 2 So not the deckhands. Yeah.
Oh, no, one of the guests.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's a deckhand. Yeah.
One of the guests is like, so is this one of your favorite boats?

Speaker 2 Does she take it out? Because she says, I'll come in two seconds, but she doesn't actually take it out.

Speaker 2 I think she does, right? Because

Speaker 2 isn't it the chef's trash that's not getting getting taken out? Or is it all the same trash? It's the chef's trash, but the only person we ever see taking it out is Celaine, actually.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. I didn't know this was the same trash.
Okay. So this was to illustrate that she said she's going to come, but she never comes.
I see. Never mind, Jess.
Never mind.

Speaker 2 I tried to give you a point there, but

Speaker 2 point resented. So one of the guests asks the captain if this is his favorite boat because he works on a lot of boats.
And he's like, not today. It's not.
It's my most unfavorite boat.

Speaker 2 That's what it is today. All right.

Speaker 2 Wow. All right.
Bad news. All right.
Good news. I'm having dinner with you.
Bad news, Wednesday has just come back on Netflix, and I love that pigtailed little negative girl.

Speaker 2 So I only have half an hour to spend with you. All right.

Speaker 2 So then time for dessert. And Fraser says, we want to congratulate you on your 10th wedding anniversary to the stupid man.
So this is called the You Stoked for the Stokes. Because you are the Stokes.

Speaker 2 That's your your last name. Don't have to spell out every single stupid joke on the spoke for you people.

Speaker 2 We had

Speaker 2 the Stokes, but it sounded perverted, so we've changed it to Stoked the Stokes.

Speaker 2 I was going to call it Different Stokes, make the World Go Round, but then I was worried that no one would actually get that. Does anyone get that now?

Speaker 2 If anyone needs Poked for the Stokes, we do have Carl on standby. He's hiding in the water toy bin.

Speaker 2 Anybody needs him?

Speaker 2 Oh, this is made with gold, love, and charlotte. So they have gold-wrapped things that they eat.
And they're like, oh, my God, it's gold. Wow.

Speaker 2 Hey, everyone.

Speaker 1 This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed.
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Speaker 3 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 3 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 3 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 3 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 3 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 3 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.