#2974 Below Deck S12E12 Part 1: Docked Over

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Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to what?

What crappins?

I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there.

Hello, Benuni.

How you doing, babes?

I am just fantastic, Ronnie.

How are you?

Good.

I'm just enjoying this lovely Tuesday.

Here to recap Below Deck.

It's a lovely day to talk deck.

Let's talk about deck.

Let's talk about deck, baby.

Let's talk about you and me.

Let's talk about deck and me.

All the good things that you...

all the good things that

things that could be let's talk about

deck.

Welcome to the show, everybody.

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okay we're just appreciative that you're here part of this beautiful family okay that's so eloquent so guys guess what today we're stuck on dock

stuck on dock for misadventure

all i want is to give people adventure

today honestly

Honestly, I was happy that they were stuck on the dock to have an episode where we didn't have to watch them go through that fucking bridge on saint martin that they need to demolish and rebuild so that way it's easier for cruise ships to go through i mean why do we have to be subjected to that misery every single week on this show watching these boats nearly scrape themselves up going through a tiny tiny bridge that was never even seems to be meant for yachts it was like meant for canoes why do they do that i can't stand it so for the fact that they were stuck in where they were and didn't have to do any of these bridge shenanigans except at one moment go under the bridge which i supported i was very happy about that Also, I'm not going to lie, if I were on a yacht and I didn't, and we couldn't go out to sea, I think I would still be like really okay with it because you're on a yacht.

I mean, it's still awesome.

You're being weighted on hand and toe.

Is there any difference between being on a yacht and being able to see, I don't know, a beautiful Caribbean country outside your window versus like seeing ocean?

I don't think so.

You're still in the same space.

You're still in the same physical thing that you would have been in the middle of the ocean, except you just happen to be on land by land oh no i'd be pissed because you're not just it's not like you're out in the middle of the ocean like they don't go that far out they go from little island to you know they go from fun place to fun place so they were also robbed of all the different fun places that they dock and you know all the i don't know fun i i wouldn't be pissed well maybe frankly i wouldn't do what they did where it's like ask take money from the servers that the crew didn't do anything why are you taking money out of the tip you should refuse to pay for the charter if the boats if you have a charter and the boat's broken, then the boat doesn't get paid.

That's what I say.

I would have said, I'm not paying for this fucking boat.

I'm going to give the money to the people who actually get me a decent vacation, you know?

Yeah, because the service was still doing the service, like you were still receiving the service.

I mean, although that being said, it seemed like they were also a little inept.

I mean, they took forever to get, like, they never even got those jet skis out and everything.

And I don't know why they didn't offer them, like, get like a van and like drive them to like the Dutch side of the island or the French side, whichever side that they weren't on.

Why not do that?

I don't understand that.

But I also just think that, like,

I don't know, I think I'd be happy just being on a yacht that didn't really go anywhere.

Uh, you know, obviously, I'd want it to go someplace, but I think I would also be like, this is pretty cool.

I'm in like in a luxury environment.

So, I want, like, I'm just mad at that guy with his like Susan Sontag splash of white hair in his bangs, you know, for being such a dick to this crew.

Well, I just watched that movie, um,

The Humdingers.

no the wildcats uh the uh marvel the new avengers stupid movie but um the wild the wildcats is it wait the wildcats what's it called no is it called like this the essentials not the essentials the thundercat no the thunder

the thunderbolts thunderbolts yeah the thunderbolts the thunderbolts the thunderbolts yeah um the new avengers yeah that was kind of dumb where i came up i don't know where i came up with the essentials oh i think i was thinking of the eternals and then i thought of the essentials

the Eternals needed some more essential oils.

I'll tell you what that movie needed, because that was the old ones.

They needed, they were all crinkly.

They needed some essential oils.

That one was stupid too.

But no, the Thunderbolts.

Anyway, the villain was...

That's so stupid.

I can't believe it.

Yeah, I know.

I was so shocked.

Julia Louis Dreyfus was the villain, and she has like that shock of white hair.

So I kept thinking of her.

with this character.

I was like, you're real, you're real Julia Louis Dreyfus in that TV show she was in, like the

vice or whatever.

But

Veep, God, how old am I that I'm like this now?

I'm like, that movie

Thundercats and then, you know, that girl, Julie Andrews from the TV show about being a mayor called Vice.

Like, Jesus Christ, old lady.

But also, he was kind of like Kyle McLahan.

from Twin Peeps, right?

He gave me Lock Live, McLachlan.

And he was very like, ooh,

we really appreciate the crews, but we really think that if there is a discrepancy, then we shouldn't be able to tip.

Well, get it out.

Spit it out, facelift.

I'm sure a lot of people would have the same thing to say about whatever restaurants you own, sir.

So

I guess we should get into this.

So previously, Barbara and Jess went on a date and continued a love triangle that is really one of the dullest things we've seen seen in quite some time this trio this trio of pussy that's happening here so then um three hours lesbianism lesbianism just goes so quick you know i mean

we we were robbed of like a whole two years of fun in straight relationships because i feel like when we see straight relationships on bravo they're very like catch me you know catch me if you can tee and then it's like you're together but are we together and do i still like it there's a lot more of that whereas i feel like the lesbian version is like, okay, I'll cheat on you with a million people and not really be sure.

But then once I am sure, it's like, boom, we're married.

We're there.

We're cuddling.

We have children together.

Yeah.

They're just already very boring.

It's like they're both like, they're like, can I get in your, in your bed and we'll read to each other?

We'll read, we'll read each other's Kindle.

Oh my God.

They're like acting already.

But they don't have an act two.

Yeah.

They're already like making jam on a farm.

You know,

that sounds great.

So, um, it's three hours.

You're a lesbian.

You're basically a lesbian.

I know, I know.

And Selene walks by Hugo and just in the deck, and Hugo is asking Selene how she's doing.

And

Celaine's like, good.

And then Hugo's like, good.

And then Selene just keeps on walking by.

So they're like, oh, God, she's being really cold this morning.

It's like, yeah, she's being really cold.

I'm making me wonder.

I wonder if the consequences of my actions is that I made her cold

i did this to myself with the with my actions of how i treated her and i need to learn to accept that

i need to learn that if i want to like someone that i can't do these things because they will be cold to me in the morning and i'm learning that now

Hugo is a pretty boring person and he's new, so he's, I think, escaping our wrath so far.

But I'm not liking Hugo this episode.

Like, Hugo is giving a lot of, like, hey, honey, you should smile more energy.

Like, what the fuck?

What was she supposed to do?

Give you a fucking parade?

You said hi as she passed by.

She said hi back.

What do you need, Hugo?

What do you need?

And I don't need you coming after the chef.

You're not in the position yet while you're sitting there eating your combos or whatever the fuck you're eating down in the mess hall and not taking out the trash to be giving attitude to anybody.

Sir.

Yeah, I did not like Hugo this episode.

I feel like we saw more of his true colors.

I think he has been obscured by the stupid

love triangle and with all of Kyle's nonsense.

But now he's, now we're seeing him and we see who he really is.

And I don't like it.

So then speaking of not liking, then we have Damo, who also is not great.

And Kyle, who's also,

all these people suck.

So Damo is talking to Kyle.

He's talking to Kyle.

They really do.

He's talking to Kyle in the Lazarette, which what I don't even remember what the Lazarette is, but that sounds Lazarette sounds like someone who might be like on the new Real Housewives of London because everyone talked about the Real Housewives of London because there's someone named Panthea on there.

So I feel like there should be someone like

I don't

I adore the queen mom, but that doesn't mean I'm keeping mum about anything.

Lazarette.

Or it could be like Lazarus, but a woman, you know, like,

I'm the only person here who's 170 years old and has been brought back from the dead, and I'm not scared of anybody.

Bitch!

Lazarette.

They say, all save the queen, but guess what?

The queen is me.

The queen is me.

I knew Jesus.

This is her tagline.

She's like, I knew Jesus.

Lazarette.

They're like, Lazarette, could you give us something wittier?

What more wit do you need?

I knew Jesus, like we know Lazarus.

Okay,

I love that Lazarette is like the toadet version of the Bible.

Like, well, we have Lazarus, why don't we make a Lazarette?

Come on, let's make the Bible fair.

Uh,

so

that's like a major overhaul of the Bible,

giving everyone an et

Abraham Et

Mosette,

the least creative reading name,

Ramzette.

Pharaoh Ramzette.

Gisette.

Giuseppe.

Gizette.

Marriette.

Marriette.

Marriott.

Marriott Envoy.

She's already a lady.

Let's make Mary a double lady.

Let's give Mary double vaginas.

We'll just call her Marriette.

Let's have her lean into her femininity for this all-female version of the Bible.

Okay, so Damo and Kyle are talking, and Kyle's like, Oh, I'm good.

You know, I'm just trying to keep my head down.

You know, I'm not saying anything stupid, you know, because I'm not supposed to talk to anybody or do anything.

What am I supposed to do here?

And just stand here.

I can't even talk to the guests.

Yeah, Kyle, I don't think it's not, you're not allowed to talk to the guests.

You're not allowed to stick your penis inside of them.

You understand?

Why are you making it sound?

Why are you making it sound like someone said you can't speak to the guests?

It's like he's doing that thing where he's like complaining, but then pretending like he's taking responsibility.

He'll be like, oh, well, now I can't even

hang out with the guests.

I just have to stand here by the side.

Even though I'm so good with the guests, I'll just stand here by the side.

But these are the consequences to my actions.

So that's what it is.

I'm like, don't, you can't just add that asterisk on.

We know you don't believe it sincerely.

And like, why are you surprised?

Because you either fucked a guest or you lied about a guest on TV.

And either way, like, you should be reprimanded and really fired, to be honest.

Wait a minute.

Are we discussing the consequences of our actions?

Because I've brought some snacks.

I would love to have this conversation as well.

So Damo, speaking of taking false responsibility for things or falsely taking, falsely acting like you're taking response.

You know what I'm trying to say.

Damo is there like, oh, I just wanted to say, mate, I feel so guilty for talking to Fraser.

And to prove how guilty I feel, I'm going to put my arm up here and give you my own pit here.

Talk to my armpit here.

I feel real guilty for chalking to Fraser, mate.

And he's like, I get it, mate.

You know, it's just one of those ones where I knew you weren't doing it, Mal.

Mal, Malstus, listen, Malst.

You know the word.

You know the word.

I know you want to do it maleficently.

And so he's like, yeah, no, I don't.

It's just, I just wanted to make sure that we are all sweet.

And he's like, yeah, no stress, mate.

It is what it is.

So then Kyle tells us, well, you know, with his arms, like, he's got his arms crossed and he's shaking in his chair in the confessional with that, like, that still un undisclosed um

black eye that he has like he's had a scar around his eye all season like it was like bruised up in the early in the season in the interviews he clearly got into a fight and he's like well it's a wake-up call in a professional sense and also in like i trust other people you know he could have just kept his mouth shut he's not he's not got a good track record anyway i mean it just proves that i've got what where i keep my lines is or you don't fuck up in the first place i mean yeah like demo for sure was being ratty when he told Fraser.

He knew he was escalating it and he was being gossipy.

But Kyle also told, like, he mouthed off about this to like half of the boat.

This was not something told in confidence.

Like he said it to enough people that it was going to get around anyway.

And so I just think it was, but you know,

Damo is supposed to be his like little bestie on the boat.

And Damo, Damo did beat, Damo straight up did betray him, I think, but it's hard to stick to it.

Because Kyle was so in the wrong.

It's like, oh, I just wish it had been someone else who betrayed him but i don't like demo like running to fraser and doing it like that you know i thought that was a little weak but at the same time he doesn't stand in it he doesn't stand in it he's not like well i honestly i went to fraser because i thought it was i thought it was messed up and i felt like i had to do it and as much as i love you i have to like i take this job seriously instead he's like oh fraser guess what i heard oh kyle sorry i didn't i shouldn't have done that you know yeah

um so now fraser is in the galley with Chef and he's like, Chef, the lunch.

Do we have lunch coming?

He's like, oh, the food for the menu.

I'm doing like a summer salad.

For them, there will be octopus.

If the octopus gives me one piece of attitude, I will slam it to face because I demand respect.

I'm badass chef now.

Maybe I was beat up.

I was telling octopus, maybe I was beat up as a child, but now I killed you.

I killed you, octopus.

You want a piece of me?

No, I'm going to have a piece of you.

You want it?

He's like throwing rags against the wall.

Yeah, that's his whole thing.

I am badass chef now.

I can punch switches on walls and also throw tea towels at stoves because I am badass.

And this trip is going to be very challenging for me because we have a lot of restrictions.

And flash, I had a flashback here.

Have a flashback to remember last year when there were a lot of restrictions and it like really messed me up.

And oh my god, there's so many choices.

And I'm a little nervous because last season, all the food restrictions like they fucked me over.

But now this year, when I see a food restriction, I throw a little rag at it and it is solved yeah we see a piece of last year where he's staring at the board because when he that was his big dyslexia reveal when he's like oh mushroom risotto I have dyslexia and we watch and like the words are like flying around in his head and um then he's he comes to it he's like mushroom risotto So that was fun to see again.

And Fraser is like, all right, what are we doing for Chakutui?

Two plates, because one is going to be vegan, one is going to be normal.

And if the vegan one gives the normal one any attitude, Chakuturi are gonna fight that's what's gonna happen

so jess is with salain she's like celane are you okay yeah i'm okay thank you you sure yes and then hugo walks up and he's like hey jesse poo and she's selene he basically like pulls jess out of there and she's like thank you you saved me from our conversation a conversation that was the consequence of my actions and i'm realizing now that if there's someone someone I like, I have to just like them.

He's like, okay, that's fine.

Like, help me with the anchor.

Yeah.

And she goes, but I slept in Barbara's bed.

And he goes, oh, come on.

Like, you're in a leadership position.

You can't do that.

You can't do that unless you're the boatswain.

Okay.

She's like, oh, good point there.

He says, you can't just sleep in the same cabin with someone you just broke up with and the new person.

I think she can because Solane's made out with everybody on this boat.

And Solane running around here crying.

And Solane admits it too.

She's like, I don't know why I'm the the one crying because I was making out with other people too.

But that's kind of how I feel.

You can't play with everybody's emotions and then pretend it's no big deal.

And then now it's suddenly a big deal when it happens.

I think I don't feel for you.

But I'm like you.

I don't think that she should have done it.

I don't think she should have done it because it's just messy.

Like, yeah, Selene may have gone and made out with a bunch of people, but it's just messy.

And it also is like, it also does not,

it sort of, it doesn't clarify things.

Like, are you like, are you still trying to like make Selene feel a certain sort of way by sleeping under her?

I don't know.

I just think she should have had Barbara come to her room.

I don't know why they don't, why that's not even a consideration.

Yeah.

I can see that.

Blah, blah, blah.

So, because I just feel like she went back, you know, she did it to Barbara and she did it to Solane, and they have no problem.

I don't know.

I think she set the tone for it, a Solane.

She set the tone for being messy and not caring about anybody's feelings.

So

enjoy your karma is what I say.

You know, there's only something for both of you.

I didn't like it.

I didn't like it.

There's only so many tiny beds to share.

And how about the other cabin?

I don't want you guys cuddling and doing whatever you're doing in the cabin anyway.

Can I try to sleep people who need to fuck on the boat?

Do like everybody else does and go fuck on the cat cradle or whatever that thing is or the

guest cabin or whatever.

My feeling is really just that like, I don't really care so much about Celine's feelings in this.

I just am like, I don't want to hear you talk about how you've learned about like the consequences to your actions and how you've got grown and whatever.

And you're still doing something that's messy.

It's like, it's still messy.

So like, just like, just don't do it anymore.

Like, I, like, I just don't want to, I don't want to, it's more like, I don't want to see you put yourself in a situation where there, there could be ramifications and then you say, oh, God,

in retrospect, I really shouldn't have done that.

Like, if I have to sit through another one of those scenes, I'm going to be mad.

So just don't do it in the first place.

I'm really angry today.

I'm really, I'm really sassed off.

I think that, I think the, I think that guy, Susan Sontag guy, really put me in a state of mind here.

I'm like, I'm not happy about any of this.

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Uh, so then we go to Rainbow and Damo, and um, they're talking about how's the next charter, and he's kind of flirting.

He's like, I don't know if I'm ready for the next charter.

She's like, oh my God, I think your bicep is ready.

Look at that.

Wow, what guns?

Really love those.

Don't we have a sexy thing going on?

Do you think

they're like kind of together?

It seems like they are getting a very slow burn, but it may be so slow that it may never actually burn.

It may just

be much quicker.

It's going to come on much quicker.

It's going to be a lot of burn.

Probably monthly.

Monthly and for the rest of your life.

So now Kyle

pulls Celaine because he wants to apologize to her and everything.

And then, of course, while he, they're going off to talk, then Jess and Barbara are talking.

And Jess is like,

see, this is why I don't want, this is why I do not approve of her sleeping in the same room because now we have to sit through this.

I feel really bad that I slept in your bed last night.

And when I first tried to speak to her at the bar, she wasn't even looking at me.

I'm like, Jess, honestly.

At this point, just throw yourself off the boat.

I'm just like, I can't.

Like, you just keep on making these very simple mistakes.

And then you're like, but now she is mad at me.

It's like, girl, duh.

Yeah.

Use some common sense.

Barbara's not bothered at all.

She's like, well, the raspberries we were growing for the jam are ready for harvesting.

So it's time to get to stomping.

It's like, okay, yeah.

You don't want to make the jam?

That is not nice.

That's not nice.

She said it today.

Did you notice?

At one point, she goes, that's not nice.

That's not nice.

That's not nice.

I don't like that.

Then we get a Carl and Selene having their talk on the deck.

And carl's like oh i'm genuinely sorry sorry for coming at you like i did it was very rude and you didn't deserve that i was very very arrogant you know uh still kind of shaking and like doing that like little he rolls like really little cigarettes and he just looks like a shaky guy asking for a dollar he really does and his nose is still all red and um She's like, oh, it wasn't the first time someone's speaking to me like that.

It wasn't the first time.

I'm sure.

You piss off a lot of people.

So

it's like I've spoken to, I've speaked to like that in traffic.

I don't, whatever.

Well, I apologize for being such an arrogant prick.

And she's like, it's okay.

It's like, put it to bed.

If you go that way, I go this way.

Oh, but we're on the same boat.

He's only in the one way.

So we go both that way.

But then we maybe I walk backwards, you walk forward.

Why would you walk?

Why would you walk that way?

Why walk forward, same way, and same boat, same direction?

I meant it figuratively.

Oh, now you're talking about my figure?

No, we're not in this place.

No more.

No more.

I decided to accept apologize from Scottish because he's, you know, he's Scottish.

He's stupid.

But I like him.

He's stupid, but nice, stupid.

You know, when people hurt, they can be crazy.

We're human.

We're not perfect.

Scottish is very far to be perfect.

Scottish is not children.

But.

All right.

All right.

Hugo, Hugo, I'm heading to the fly bridge, which as we know is the tiny bridge that flies use to cross from one side of Seamart to another.

I'm going to the fly bridge, otherwise known as the Jeff Goldblum Bridge.

You might be there, I'll be pooping on my food to help me digest it.

You might be wondering why the flies don't use their wings.

Well, guess what?

It's called sometimes they like to have arrests.

All right, get you over there.

I'll be up there spitting vomit on an apple.

All right.

Anybody's up there to join me?

The fly bridge, which, as we all know, is where the people of St.

Martin transport their zippers from one end of the island to another.

The fly bridge.

It's also where I go up there and pop my collar a little bit.

Wear acid jeans and do the Roger Rabbit.

Right?

Is that still considered fly these days?

A pretty fly for a white guy.

um so yeah he goes up there and um

they are having engine trouble he goes like yeah obviously all the output stuff's wet he's like yeah for the sake of it looking pretty i would rather oh no he's checking over the boat so this is where carrie's getting all um anal over the boat and he's like all right for the sake of things looking good i'd like the dick to be dry to understand Dry dicks look better than wet dicks.

Right.

Why are we talking about wet dicks?

I feel like that's really inappropriate.

All right.

All right.

Listen here.

I don't want to get this dick wet is what I'm trying to say before they, before the guests come.

Last time the guests were here, the problem was wet dick.

All right.

So let's fix that.

All right.

All right.

Okay.

All right, Fraser, let's look at this bathroom here.

Now, okay, now the countertop looks nice.

The pink is looking wonderful.

Okay, the towels, we should have two towels on the countertop and one by the toilet.

So two in the pink, one by the stink.

All right.

And then

why are you looking at me that way fraser

it's the pink sir it's the pink all right well carry on i'm going to start pooping down here this is a lovely bathroom this is the loveliest bathroom we've ever had pooping in this bathroom would be an adventure All right, Anthony, let's look at your galley.

This looks clean.

Let me look at the refrigerator.

Okay, let's see what we've got here.

We've got milk, milk, lemonade.

Okay, around the corner.

Oh, that's where the chocolate's made.

Stick your finger.

Now, Anthony, if you stick your finger in this thing, oops, it's a Tootsie roll.

I am not following.

Why can't I think of any of those?

I feel extremely mature for not having those in my lexicon.

I don't know if there's many more after that.

You know, it's like I always say, you wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor.

It's a 50-yard dash to the bathroom door.

Diarrhea.

Am I right, everyone?

now you're just talking about pooping

well

um

now i have a question do we have any air freshener smells nice in here although to be fair whoever smelt it dealt it

all right we're past sexual innuendo now and just straight on to bodily fluids

whoever didn't whoever

whoever did the rhyme did the crime am i right i will not take the blame for another season I will not be villainized.

Oh, really?

Because whoever denied it supplied it.

I think that's it.

That's all I have.

So, Rainbow and Barbara do some laundry.

And

Barbara's like, oh, how is so-and-so doing?

She's like, I don't know, nor do I care.

That's what you get for messing with Rainbow.

Rainbow has turned into Rainbow.

Okay, Rainbino.

I don't care.

I don't care if she's even living right now.

I don't care if she's breathing.

And that's what happens when you fuck with the bow.

If you fuck with the bow, you're going to get the horns of the rainbow, which I know rainbows don't have horns, but if they had horns, you would be getting them.

And the

physical presence.

They have horns, but they're spelled H-E-A-U-R-N-S.

I'm a little happy that Jess is with Barbs and not with Selene.

This is Karma coming to bite her in the ass.

Ha!

So

now

guests are coming soon.

By the way, we see Selene falling down the stairs again.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

How many times does she have to fall down the stairs?

It's like the power of rainbow.

She goes, yeah, you want to mess with me and my good friend, Barbs?

You know, we're good friend because I call her Barbs now.

Yeah.

Barbs.

So guests are robbing, guests are robbing.

And Kyle, he's like, well, I hope these guests are actually fun, but I'm not allowed to speak to them.

So I've got to stay away from the guests.

Poor Kyle.

Poor Kyle is stuck in a nook in the corner, not able to talk to any of the guests.

Don't you all feel sad for me?

So then a good illustration this episode of what happens when someone is

self-sabotaging, which is basically what he was doing, right?

He's like, I'm just going to get shit faced.

I'm going to do what I know I shouldn't do.

Get so drunk that I'm evil.

Fuck a guest, brag about fucking the guests.

I'm going to get fired.

I'm going to throw all of this good that I've built up out the window, but then people don't let you because he's like, What am I still doing here?

You were supposed to fire me, and now we're seeing him spin out like he's trapped because he didn't get to get fired.

Yeah, he didn't sabotage well enough.

Yeah, it's too bad, too bad.

You were from self-sabotage, and that was a disservice to you.

He sabotaged a sabotage.

Um, so the guests arrive, and now it's they get the tour and it's 1237 p.m.

Now, this is important because everything that happens right now does not even happen at 1230 nor at 1235.

It's at 1237

and it's time to depart.

And Carrie's like, all right, I'm going to thrust the starboard with a port wash.

Like, well, you're going to pour some after-dinner wine off the side of the boat.

No, it means something else entirely.

All right, let's look.

Any wash?

Any wash?

Hugo, do you see any wash?

I don't.

Still no wash.

There's no wash right there.

There's still no wash.

Nope.

Wash.

Nope.

Wash.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I see.

Wash.

No, there's no wash.

That wasn't wash.

All right.

Okay.

How about this?

Look to the left.

Now look back to the right real quickly.

Wash.

I can't see right now.

All right.

There's the eyes.

Hove the eyes.

Okay.

Count down.

Walking.

Walking.

Wash.

I'm in the water.

I'm in the water.

Man overboard.

Somebody.

All right.

No, if you're in the water, that does not count as wash, even though you are well washed.

Well, I've been washed.

I smell like fish.

I smell like fish, but I'm here.

I'm back.

Back.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

I'm going to radio.

I'm going to radio Andrew.

Andrew, Andrew, it's Carrie.

Andrew, it's your big moment.

It's the time when you get to come on camera.

And so now we have.

I'd like to call all of the people who actually run this boat to the deck, please.

To the bridge.

Let's just have a little BTS here.

All right.

of people who actually do work on this boat.

So we get all the slubby people who actually work on the boat.

They're

captain.

Yep.

It's all the Monty Moles.

They all arrive.

They have like bowling shirts.

Their butt cracks are hanging out.

Yeah.

All right.

What do you mean here, huh?

What can I do for you, Cap?

You know on Super Mario Brothers Monty Mole who like pokes his head up from the ground with like the

manhole cover on his head and throws a wrench?

I hate that.

That's who these guys are.

Yeah.

I hate that.

They pop up and they're like, we're ready for you, boss.

So is that the best?

They're like the non-TV ready people.

Yeah.

I hold on productions insisting I wear man spanks.

So hold on.

Oh, God, that's too tight.

The producer's like, okay, could someone tell the PA who's guarding the ugly person door to unlock it and let them out?

Thank you.

Overno.

Please be ready with paper bags to put over these guys's head.

They're going to have to go on camera.

All right.

Please make sure all microphones are far away.

We do not want to get their disgusting, phlegmy voices on camera.

Can we get the extras who actually have jobs from Fred Flintstone's bowling alley up here in the bridge?

Can we ask the attracted people to line up a series of hoses so that way by the time they get out of their ugly room and get to the captain's quarters, they can be washed off.

I'm sorry.

They're only allowed out of their cages with the code U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly.

Yeah, yeah, you ugly.

Okay, they're out.

Captain, I like that one.

Hold on, guests.

Excuse me, I'm just going to encourage you to look at the island of St.

Monde while we, the members of the interior, are going to hold up some bed sheets so you don't have to see the atrocities that are emerging on the other side of this boat.

All right.

Human tunnel has been created.

In case anybody has to let one go, this is the Lazarette.

It's the bathroom of the new Jesus on the Real Housewives of London.

Please enjoy yourselves.

All right, America.

This is what you need to know.

Before you leave, you always test the steering on each station, on each engine, and on the bow thruster.

And if they don't see a wash, it's not working.

Losing a wing station is a massive problem because then if you don't have a wing station, I mean,

why'd you order all that ranch?

Am I right?

So I can't leave.

No one wants a dry wing, and that's just the god-forsaken truth.

Roth, there for you on your plate.

Is there anything more awkward than having a bag full of celery sticks and a jug full of rent and no wing station?

It's like having a chocolate fountain with no cookies to dip it into.

What's the point?

What is the point?

Will this marriage last?

No one will know.

Until next week on Below Dick Adventure.

So the problem is that basically

he says like, okay, here we go.

Each of the stations go to a central brain.

and unfortunately as you may have seen there's not a single brain on this boat this entire season

it's kind of the theme of the season there is no central brain all right we've got a problem with one of the controllers on the boat i'm not leaving with anything not at 100 hold on hold on i've got a call mickey yeah you still trying to drive there all right just back it in i don't care it'll it'll there'll there'll be lights that warn the lady to get out you just hit the lady did you All right, have your mother deal with it.

God, it's hard being away from my son.

All right, fix the boat.

All right, get out of here, ugly people.

We're sick of looking at you.

Like I was saying, I'm not leaving this dock with anything nodded 100%, except for the capabilities of my crew.

So

basically,

these

the ugly people are there and they're trying to fix it.

And they're like, this thing's flashing, but that thing's not flashing.

Check the stats on.

That is that.

Poor guys are like literally not ugly.

We're so terrible.

They're so so cute.

Actually, often they're really hot.

Remember, actually, Malia started dating one because he was so hot.

Yeah.

They just did standards.

Oh, Malia.

Remember, yeah.

Well, Malia also talked to them because they were the only people not exposed to her wretchedness.

The original demo.

Yeah.

Damo Levi.

So now Celaine and Barbara are.

The original tattletale, you mean?

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah.

Original random.

The original.

The original random.

Celaine and Barbara are in the main salon bar, and Barbara's like, We need to talk.

I really want to speak to you about yesterday.

And first, I'm going to apologize because you're my friend.

And I don't think it was nice.

What happened?

It wasn't nice.

And you know what happened?

That wasn't nice.

It was me this time.

It was me.

It wasn't nice.

I wasn't nice.

Bad me.

I like, I like good me.

I like nice me, not nice.

Not not not nice me.

That was a lot of nuts.

I don't know.

But I'm sorry.

Okay, Barbara,

yes, just sleeping there, you know, but like, whatever's going to happen between you and me is okay, there's no worries.

I'm just processing, Babara, Babara.

Uh, you know, how she move on, like for Babara, without explaining to me.

I don't know, it's not good, but I kiss the other person also, so I realize the consequences.

Are we having a conversation about consequences?

I'm in my own confessional.

Get out of here, get out of here.

These are the consequences of interrupting someone else's confession, and I have to accept that.

I deserved that.

I deserved it.

So, the first bowling galley guy is like, well, something

going on here, that's for sure.

Yeah, on the starboard engine somewhere.

We're going to see if we can take control.

We're going to take control.

Well, can't take control, I guess.

Shut the engines down.

That's what you do on a boat.

Okay, get that thing.

It's called the wheel, Captain.

Okay, it's the wheel.

And by the way, I say captain in quotes.

Okay, right.

I don't even know how to drive this stupid boat.

Hey, Fred, I'm just going to start checking the fuses, okay?

And Terry's like, right here, all right.

Sounds good.

He's like, all right, we're going to try to turn it on, Fred.

Oh, it's not working, Fred.

Hey, Fred, I got two fingers in a hole and another thumb in the other hole.

It's like the mouth hole.

It's not working, Fred.

Well, I gotta say, Bernie, hold on, let me just see what's happening on the outside of this boat.

And now let me just walk right back on the password.

God damn it.

Dino locked me out of the yacht again

carry

all right you know listen the yacht let me let me tell you something all right i'm gonna need to talk to hugo and fraser have them both come up here all right both of you i wanted to say this to both of you so i don't have to tell you each individually The Lazarette is the place to poop.

Second, the boat's broken.

All right, it's just just broken.

Yacht's stuck.

I don't know when we can leave, but I know it's not today.

This could kill our season.

The season could be dead.

Dum, dum, dum.

Oh, wow.

Okay,

so that's scary.

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So now we go to it's 1:15 p.m.

So Fraser is like, okay, ladies and gentlemen of the guest quarters, I have an announcement to make.

First of all, I am hideous.

We can just address that right now.

Second of all, please welcome to the stage the one and only Captain Da-da-da-da-da-da-da Carrie

Captain Carrie, you have the floor.

Captain Carrie.

Does he even come up there?

Oh yeah, I do come here.

I do come here.

Everybody, can we just give a round of applause to Fraser for that lovely intro?

Also, Fraser, you're not as fat as you think.

All right, can we just tell Fraser he's not as fat as he thinks.

Everybody wants, all right, we'll find a shorter way to say that.

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Thank you, but just I want to say that it doesn't really mean much coming from all you fat people.

Okay, I need to be judged by skinny people.

Thank you so much.

I will only be judged by a jury of my peers, unfortunately.

All right.

How are we all doing?

Great.

Good to be here.

Good to see you.

All right.

So we're having some mechanical issues with the boat.

I cannot take control of the boat from the stations.

Even all the rubbles downstairs are confused.

So we're going to be stuck here tonight.

And what I can offer you, let me tell you, this is going to be exciting.

Nothing.

All right, absolutely nothing.

You want to take out a couple of bikes?

That's great.

There's no land.

You want to take out a couple of jet skis?

Don't have anyone capable of getting them out.

All right.

Do we have Bogle on board?

We do not.

Can't even shake up a bunch of little letters in a plastic box and turn them into words.

You're all fucked.

All right.

Hope you got good high school stories to share.

All right.

Even you, Kyle McLahan.

What the hell?

Is that a real haircut?

Who lifted your face?

Have it put back.

It's too tight, brother.

All right.

I'll be watching Netflix.

I am obsessed with the way you say McLaughlin, I have to say.

I've never heard it said mispronounced that way.

McLahan.

I thought it was Kyle McLahan.

McLaughlin?

Wait.

How did you say that?

Yeah, Kyle McLaughlin.

Yeah.

Kyle McLaughlin.

McLahan.

McLahan is kind of amazing.

Well, now I'm now paranoid.

Maybe it is McLahan, but I'm pretty sure it's Kyle McLaughlin.

Okay.

Can we just go over all the times you've been right and I've been wrong on this show?

You're right.

I'm pretty sure.

Just like, let's just go by the numbers.

I'm pretty sure you're right on this one.

But I do love that Kyle McLahan.

So then Shannon Bador possesses a guest named David who goes, Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

And Ron, Ron's like, I know, we've got to be moving, David.

We've got to be moving.

And David's like, we got screwed.

So now

Fraser is like, Anthony, I don't think we're moving today.

So what do you mean we are not moving?

I have octopus leg.

By the way, can I not be served an entire octopus arm?

Like, what the fuck, bro?

Did you see the octopus he served?

It's like this thick.

It's thick as a human arm.

I need like

fins.

No, it's too much when it's like a gigantic thing like that and you have to cut through the rubberiness and like

properly.

It's beautiful, but I know what you're saying.

You want it to be a little bit more painful manageable.

Yeah, dainty.

Yeah, I don't want a monster from the fucking 20,000 leagues under the sea.

You know what I mean?

I want like a little dainty child that was killed, not

Methuselah.

Not like the Lazarette of octopuses.

Wait, is Methuselah the one that came back to life in the the Bible?

Or Lazarus was the really old one.

Methuselah was the one that came back to life, right?

No, Methuselah is the old one.

I don't know who Lazarus is, to be honest.

I'm Jewish and I don't know this part of the Bible.

I think Lazarus is Old Testy.

I just...

Oh, well, in that case, I'm just

uninformed Jewish.

Lazarus can refer to several things, notably a figure from the Bible, a software, or a TV series.

In the Bible, Lazarus of Bethany.

Oh, my God.

I'm Lazarus.

Hey, Hey, it's me.

It's Lazarus.

You know what I love?

Manna.

Manna.

This manna is delicious.

I got this manna from the mana store down the street.

It's the best one in the Hamptons.

It's the best mana street in the Hamptons.

Okay, I'm trying this manna.

You know what?

It's good.

I don't know if I would spend 40 days and 40 nights eating it, but you know, it's all right.

It's all right.

It's salt.

Salt.

40 days and 40 nights is how long he fasted, not how long he ate.

That's how I do a fast.

I do the opposite of the Jesus diet.

I just eat manna.

Okay, Lazarus of Bethany is a man whom Jesus raised from the dead.

There where you go.

There you go.

Oh,

so this is like a small, this is like Lazarette is like a lady that Jesus resurrected, or maybe just like a small version of the man.

It's a Lazarus.

Yeah.

Yeah, he was resurrected after being dead for four days, which honestly, I would have told Jesus if I was there back then in the New Testament, I would have been like, Jesus, it's been too long.

Like you can bring Lazarus back to life, but is Lazarus ever going to smell the same?

No.

The decomposition is already starting.

He's going to have a new life where people are always going, does something smell in here?

I think it's Lazarus.

It's Lazarus.

Are we also sure that Lazarus was really dead in the first place?

Because this was Lazarus of Bethany, which means that Lazarus was going around being like, oh my God, literally, I'm dead.

I'm dead.

I can't.

I don't.

I don't want it.

I'm dead.

I'm dead.

I'm dead.

Like, my walls are up.

I'm dead.

I'm dead.

So Jesus is like, okay, I'll resurrect you.

It's like, well, Lazarus was just saying that.

Yeah.

Is that sacrilegious?

I apologize to the Christians for making too much of a joke out of the story.

Out of the Bible.

Oh, come on.

I mean, listen, we're promoting in a way, you know.

Ain't no press, like, ain't no bad press.

All right.

So Anthony is like, we're not on board anymore.

We're like restaurant hotel.

That is going to work harder because now they're going to eat all day.

I forget up.

The tip is going really, really, really

down.

So let us make the magic happen with French finger, French finger magic.

So we know this is going to be an Anthemy breakdown episode.

You can already see it coming because he's manic about proving himself worthy.

So the big plan for these guests is that they're going to essentially

move the boat forward a little bit so they can kind of create like a little pool.

So everyone can have their dream can come true, which is swimming in the gasoline and muck of a yacht harbor.

Like, have you ever dreamed of that swimming right where all the exhaust of the yacht comes out?

That's what we can do for you.

Where all the otters lay on a rock and poop.

Like, you know, in the Santa Monica harbor, that's how it is.

They all, all the seals or whatever, gather on the rocks and they just lay there and they're like,

they're so cute to look at, but all you smell is their poop.

They make mountains of poop and then just lie around on their poop all day and take naps.

It's disgusting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it's not unlike some guests on below deck.

So Kerry is like, all right, everyone.

We're going to seal this.

Why is there lipstick on the toilet?

We're going to use the winches to move the boat forward, but the winches can't sustain that load for a long period of time.

So you snap a line, you could take someone's leg or arm off, you pull a bollard, you could kill someone.

So watch out for the bollards and the winches, everyone.

Bollards and winches.

I love how on the show, every time they do something on the deck, they're like, all right, we're going to do this, but it could result in everybody here dying.

All right.

Let's watch us pull the winch.

Pull the winch.

Just pull it.

Oh, God.

You're pointing too tight.

We're almost dead.

That would be the consequences of my action.

I deserve everything.

Take me.

Take me.

So Carrie goes up to the guests and they're like, like, Sam, have we got any good news?

Well, there is good news.

We found out what the problem is.

This boat's sinking.

We have 36 hours to live.

All right.

But right now.

Yeah, we found the problem.

All right.

We're sourcing the part.

Now, here's that's the good news.

We've sort of sourcing it.

Now, here's the bad news.

We're sourcing it from Temu.

All right.

Now, here's some more good news.

Went on Temu to find the part.

Got to spin a wheel.

I'm getting $100 off orders of $19 million or more.

All right.

And I have another chance to spin.

hold on i got it again all right it's all good news we're on the dock but i'm getting a lot of polyester pants possibly a boat part if they have it

and here's some more good news

we found some pseudo-co puzzles for you so we just we'll distribute those and hope you have a great time for the next three days solving those all right

i'm sorry i'm more of a wordle person captain there's no internet on this boat the internet has broken all right we're trying to source internet right now.

It's very, very difficult.

All right.

Wait, what's this?

Oh, I just heard our Temu arrival has come ahead of schedule.

So guess what?

The part has arrived and they're opening up the box right now.

And, oh, unfortunately, they just sent a pair of Capri pants by accident.

So it looks like we'll have to wait another day for the engine part while we order it.

These actually were the pants that Captain Sandy had ordered during her season.

They just got here because they were ordered through Temu.

It's taken a long time and sent to the wrong address.

But I do have some nice black polyester capris.

All right.

We are going to be holding a raffle for the Capri pants.

It's whoever can finish their Sudoku puzzle fastest wins some Capri pants.

This is so, so unfair.

And they're only here for three days.

These guys are not letting, they're not getting the experience they paid for.

And now, as stews, we have to be really entertaining.

Me, Fraser, the most entertaining person on the planet, is about to really show them what I can do by running around with the tray, wobbling and saying, I can't stand this shit.

I want to die.

So the deck team is like, Hugo is like on the back of the boat being like, hmm, what to do?

And it's just standing there.

He's just like figuring out where to put out the swim platforms.

And the guests are drinking espresso martinis.

And Kyle is like, oh, I feel like I'm very much under the microscope.

Don't be around the guest.

Don't say certain things.

Don't fuck all the women who are on board.

Things like that.

You know,

I'm just trying to do the best I can to stay away from them without looking like I'm being rude.

They don't care.

No one is sitting around being like, hey, that guy with the mop sure is being distant.

No one's saying that guy who looks like he should be in a Harmony Corinne movie certainly isn't talking to me today.

A Harmony Corinne movie.

Wow.

Wow.

You just went for the jugular with that one.

By the way, that's the name of two future below tech students, I'm sure.

Harmony and Corinne.

Harmony and Corinne.

It says it'll be spelled like H-A-R-M-H-O-M-O-N-K-N-E-E-Y-E-E.

Do you remember Brittini?

L-O-L.

I can't.

Oh, my God.

It's pronounced pronounced Brittini.

It's like, no, I refuse.

I'm never going to call you.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

No.

But a dumb-dumb.

So anyway.

So then the guest is like, hey, Fraser, do you think those jet skis are ready yet?

He's like, I'll have a check for you.

The answer will be no, but what I'll do is I'll walk away and then I'll be gone for 45 minutes and come back and you can ask again.

But the way Fraser does it, you know the term, like, never let him see you sweat.

You're just supposed to be like, sure, let me check on that.

I'll be right back.

But Fraser's like, let me check for you.

I'll be right back.

Oh my God, what are we going to do?

Is it working yet?

Is it working yet?

I've got people starving to death up here for entertainment.

Look at Karl Mocklahan.

He looks pathetic enough already.

Can we please do something?

The poor man, he hasn't been able to move his face since he's been here.

Do something.

It's all under control, everybody.

It's all under control.

i'm running this chart on my own it feels like and i have to give the guests something so fallatio it is so then you

kyle really chose the wrong week to fuck a guest i could have used his superpower today i know

So Hugo and Fraser are on the swim platform and Fraser's like, so Hugo, they're saying, please let's do something.

And they've been asking me for three hours and they really just want to get on a jet ski, but you've taken so long that now I have to propose a sunset cruise.

Do you realize I'm proposing an evening activity before they even get to their afternoon activity?

Do you understand this right now?

He goes like, I will take as long to do this as I take taking out the trash.

Okay.

I can guarantee you that.

It's like, good.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so, so much.

So Fraser goes up.

He's like, so I know you all asked for jet skis, but how would you like to do a sunset cruise in Ortenda instead he proposes it like oh isn't this great I'm like that's a hundred percent different than going on jet skis I mean it sounds fun but like I would be like wait we just asked you for three hours what about the jet skis and he'd been saying they're on their way and now suddenly you're saying we're going on the sunset cruise I would not be yeah I didn't really understood understand this because we see them getting

what was their plan with they were like okay we're gonna move the boat out into the middle of the water with ropes and then that just didn't work and so now the deck team is trying to come up with a way to move the boat further out like how does this make any sense this was bizarre i didn't understand this i didn't understand it why did they not take them on an excursion throughout across the island somewhere like they've done this stuff before i don't understand why they they just seemed like they were they had no idea what to do in in this sort of situation yeah they should have taken them around to the end of the island or something on the charter and like giving them snacks and drinks and then like taking them out and then taking them on a tour of the town and ended up back at the other side or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, gotta snorkeling on the other side of the island or driven up one of the mountains or things like that.

I don't know.

I just feel like there's a real lack of creativity going on here.

So

Fraser says, all right, tech crew aren't fucking providing anything for us.

So I'm going to do something.

We're going on a sunset cruise together.

Selene, she's like, what is cruise?

I mean, I know Tom Cruise, but I really don't know cruise.

Like, cruise, what, huh?

What?

Okay.

You work on a boat and you don't know what a cruise is?

I mean, come on.

This is not an like an ESL issue.

This is you just fucking around.

Yeah.

And he's like, well, you can have a break here.

And she goes, no, I want to come.

I want to see what is cruise.

What is?

What is cruise?

So, yeah.

She's like, I'm thinking about this.

I can't help it.

But the more important for me is to be good at my job and be normal.

Oh, Celine, she's so good at her job.

Well, that ship has sailed.

Okay, that ship has cruised.

That cruise has that cruise has sunken.

Yeah.

That cruise has carnivaled.

Okay.

It's over.

Yeah.

So

they all get on the tender to go on their cruise.

Then Anthony is reviewing the preference sheets and he's having this like reverse beautiful mind moment.

What's the opposite of a beautiful mind?

Ugly.

The numbers are like just going back into your head.

He's like, want so many, so many things to look at so then um the guests are having a great time and then kyle decides to call his grandma joyce and she's like oh kyle did you have a nice birthday and she he's like no i had a horrible birthday i nearly got fired granny just all behavior yourself did you stick it in somebody carl just go ahead and tell me what you did we know you stuck it in somebody it's closer about that time isn't it carl

Carl keep it quick I'm having Fergus Medilla cutty eating me out at the moment.

Okay, Granny.

It's all family.

Granny, I'll make it.

She's like drinking straight out of a whiskey bottle.

She's like, get into it.

Granny's got to get some over here.

He's like, no, I'm not behaving myself.

What that's what the problem is.

So then we get Kyle one of the first of his two Instagram walls he got this episode.

So Instagram walls.

And Kyle saying, growing up, me mom was a single parent on her own.

So I kind of always finished school and I'd either be on my own at the house or I'd be at the farm to go work.

And I definitely was allowed to live free as a youngster.

And I think that maybe being an only child and not having anybody to kind of check in on me and life probably didn't make some of the best decisions.

And I'd never asked for help.

I don't think I ever asked for help.

Maybe I should.

And we just see photos upon photos of him just looking like a pure disaster.

Like this guy,

I'm sorry.

He needs, first of all, to be showered.

A shower would be a good place to start.

And, like,

I don't know.

I'm, I'm actually quite concerned about Kyle.

I worry about his trajectory in life.

It does not seem very good.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like the strongest trajectory.

And he's been doing so well, I think, for the most part this season.

You know, I mean, he's been kind of crashing and burning over a chick, but he hasn't been as crazy, fall down, drunk, and as messy as he's gotten on the past season, where that was worrying.

And this this time he is, you know, he is, he is doing bad.

But he's doing that thing that makes me crazy where he's like, maybe it is time I should ask for help.

But first of all, you're only doing that after you got caught and got in trouble.

So it doesn't really count.

And then you just do it again in two seconds.

So I don't know.

But I do think he needs help.

And, you know, you got to root for Kyle.

He seems like a nice guy.

It's just a disaster.

Yeah, he seems nice.

So Carrie gets a text.

Guess what?

The part, it's not going to ship until tomorrow.

Pun intended.

You know what?

I didn't appreciate that pun right now.

It's a serious situation.

Okay.

Although, now I think about it, it's a pretty good pun.

Shipping tomorrow.

So Fraser is like, oh, interior, interior, interior, please.

This is very important.

We need welcome drinks and towels.

The guests get nothing.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Nothing.

So now everyone's getting ready and then Ron and Denise are chatting.

Denise is the one who wants to jump off the front of the yacht in her wedding dress, which, by the way, like, you deserve to have a broken boat because of this.

So Ron is like, 10 years to go.

I mean, this is a stupid request.

No, I feel like this was the world being like, you're dumb.

I feel like the world was like, you know what we're sick of?

Your stupid fucking wedding post.

Because this girl, Denise, has been posting about her wedding for 10 fucking years.

Okay.

We all know it.

Yeah.

We all know it.

We all know that if Denise, if her, if like, if Instagram were around when her kids, when she had her kids, you know, she would be up there putting her kid on a beach with some seashells next to us being like one week, two weeks, two weeks, one day, two weeks, two days.

Like we all need a fucking countdown.

Yeah, that's Denise.

So Ron's like 10 years.

And by the way, Ronnie, by the way, Ronnie, get excited because as far as I can tell,

it's August 19th today, which means we are about to enter prime.

My kid is going back to school.

So here he is holding a chalkboard to say what grade he's going into.

Just get ready.

Get ready.

Yeah.

it's skiddy time huh it's kiddy time oh my god ron you're like i love it i'm like get ready i know i do i love it because i'm the one on all of those posts being like oh my god you've grown so much i just love you so much it's from your uncle your real name is rondell that's what they wanted to name you love you call me you can come play playstation later can't wait sack boys are waiting

i'm like please post more content about character actresses thank you

so ron's like 10 years ago the day we got married and you look as beautiful today as you did 10 years ago she's oh really well you look more handsome today than you did 10 years ago really upped your annie now what are you gonna say back to me he's like uh um that's all i got he's like actually uh

mine wasn't really a compliment i was just trying to say i always thought you were gonna kind of like

raise your game once you were married to me, but you really haven't.

So

10 years ago, I married a midwoman, and here I am, 10 years later, celebrating a midwoman.

Wow.

God, things really don't change much, do they?

They said that

once you marry a rich guy like me, she'll want to have plastic surgery, but she never put in that request.

I just, I have enough for the both of us, I guess.

Denise catching strays.

Denise is lovely, by the way.

Denise is actually like so.

Actually, honestly

we're just ragging on denise what would you say i think actually everyone's pretty nice on this charter i think they're understandably miffed i think that the tipping thing was was wrong but they are they're they're generally pretty nice people they just well they're fake nice i guess because they don't tip um so carrie is terry joins for a drink and he's like in his like civilian clothes And

Denise is like, so do we have a status on the ship?

And

Ron is like, do we have a status on the plastic surgeon?

Am I right, Carrie?

Right.

Am I right?

Okay.

Carrie's like, all right, I've got good news.

All right.

I did get a package today.

Bad news.

It was not the boat part.

All right.

Good news.

It was a pair of capris that fit me.

All right.

I ordered from Amazon, got them here in a day.

Captain Sandy really needs to learn not to use Tamu.

Am I right?

That was hilarious.

So are we going to leave on the boat today?

No, you are going nowhere.

All right.

But I did have the boys put some letters in a bowl.

You can pick them out and try to make words out of them.

All right.

That's the good news.

All right.

We did find an old copy of Taboo.

The buzzer doesn't quite work.

It sort of sounds like a dying fly from the fly bridge, but it's fun.

So if you want to say disappointment,

you have to say it without using these five synonyms.

Give it a try.

furious upset i called you a really good bit

all right i'm gonna pack up the taboo

all right good news i just got some good news we've got a pot

in miami all right bad news this is not miami all right so i'm gonna go ahead and have the boys get out of globe and show you just how far you are from the pot all right

All right, actually, we do, I did just get an email that apparently I did get a part

the bad news is it was a part in the local fort lauderdale production of miss soigon so uh

it was not quite the part that i think you were looking for but that being said why don't you all sit down and let me regale you with my role

it's a gender neutral all right sorry sorry sorry everybody sit down let me try that again they're called

moon the dust of life

conceived conceived in hell, and born in strife.

Right, you got it?

Right.

That was all.

All right, all together now.

The heat is on inside on.

The heat is on and zaigon.

The chicks are hotter in hell.

It's like my favorite cheesy Broadway moment.

The heat is on and zaigon.

The chicks are hotter in hell.

That's always made me laugh.

Every time I hear it, I crack up.

The chicks are hotter in hell.

So mean.

No, not in hell, like at hell, but the way they had to pronounce it, because they're like, you're just, you're just arming guys.

We don't want you to say,

you know, then we want you to say,

you know, so they're like, the chicks are hotter in hell.

Oh, I thought you were saying the chicks are hotter in hell.

Like, he designed.

I was like, oh, but man, the chicks are ugly here.

That's kind of why it's funny.

They're saying the chicks are hotter than hell, but they're like, the chicks are hotter than hell.

Heat is on Zagon.

Adventures on and Zaigon.

It's just a introduction.

Listen, with everything that's been going on and as busy as I've been coming out of my room from watching Netflix to telling the guests they're not getting shit.

I mean, it's a bit exhausting.

Mentally, I'm exhausted, but the least I could do is have dinner with them.

I mean, that's what everybody wants, right?

So I'm going to do it.

I'm going to try and take away uh attention from the problem.

Uh, like I'm a bullfighter, it's hilarious, right?

Not the spear one, just this one, the one with the with the flag.

Rainbow's like, mess with the rainbow, you get the horns.

Am I right, Captain?

Bulls, you know, right?

All right, it is time for dinner.

Black tottle, carbonara, pasta, best chief in the world.

Um, and then meanwhile, Jess is like, You guys have trash upstairs, but we actually have a really stupidly large bin of trash.

I'll come in two seconds because taking trash out is the consequence of my action of deciding to be a deckhand.

Oh, next time I will not be a deckhand and deal with trash.

So I guess we're seeing that one person at least takes out trash.

They're putting that in this episode, so we know.

So not the deckhands.

Yeah.

Oh, no, one of the guests.

Yeah, she's a deckhand.

Yeah.

One of the guests is like, so is this one of your favorite boats?

Does she take it out?

Because she says I'll come in two seconds, but she doesn't actually take it out.

I think she does, right?

Because

isn't it the chef's trash?

It's not getting taken out?

Or is it all the same trash?

It's the chef's trash, but the only person we ever see taking it out is Selene, actually.

Oh, okay.

I didn't know this was the same trash.

Okay, so this was to illustrate that she said she's going to come, but she never comes.

I see.

Never mind, Jess.

Never mind.

I tried to give you a point there, but

point resented.

So one of the guests asks the captain if this is his favorite boat, because he works on a lot of boats.

And he's like, not today.

It's not.

It's my most unfavorite boat.

That's what it is today.

All right.

Wow.

All right.

Bad news.

All right.

Good news.

I'm having dinner with you.

Bad news, Wednesday has just come back on Netflix, and I love that pigtailed little negative girl.

So I only have half an hour to spend with you.

All right.

So then time for dessert.

And Fraser says, we want to congratulate you on your 10th wedding anniversary to the stupid man.

So this is called the You Stoked for the Stokes because you are the Stokes.

That's your last name.

Don't have to spell out every single stupid joke on this boat for you, people.

We had met all the

Stokes, but it sounded perverted.

So we've changed it to Stoked the Stokes.

I was going to call it...

Different Stokes Make the World Go Round, but then I was worried that no one would actually get that.

Does anyone get that now?

If anyone needs poked for the Stokes, we do have Carl on standby.

He's hiding in the water toy bin.

Anybody needs him?

Oh, this is made with gold, love, and charlotte.

So they have gold-wrapped things that they eat.

And I'm like, oh my god, it's gold.

Wow.

Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap.

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