#2968 The Valley S2E18 Part 2: When The S**T Hits The Fanet

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Hi, everyone.

Welcome back.

This is part two of a two-part recap.

If you're wondering where part one was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe so that way you always get your episodes.

But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode.

So Kristen's like, yeah, I told Luke, we're going to skip season two and three, and then we can move forward.

And he's like, I actually don't want to watch any of that.

And I was like,

I'm like,

season two, I think, is actually kind of an important season to watch if you're going to get into a relationship with Kristen.

I think it's important to know about things like that.

So Andy's like, Kristen, when did you know Luke was the one?

Um, well, when I would say the first six or seven months, I was like very much in tune, but I was like, I don't want to be.

And it's just like what I do.

I jump from relationship to relationship, and we didn't live by each other.

It's all the logistics, and I was just pushing it away.

Like, nothing's going to work, nothing's going to work, but like, this is going to be super fun.

And he's young, he's eight years younger than me.

So, somehow, I was like, Then, when he said, I love you, I thought, okay, sure, I'll do this one.

Let's just

the true answer is, when did you know that Luke was the one?

When he wouldn't watch Vanderpump Rules.

Okay, that's when.

Corlin, you're like the one guy on earth who wasn't going to try and use anything he could from Vanderpump Rules against me or like any kind of fame I would get from that.

So that's the one.

I'll take him.

Pack him up.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

So

basically, Andy asked him like when they, when Luke said, I love you, Ferris.

And Luke says that he said it, then he backtracked.

And they're just, they're have a cute little story there.

So then she shows off her ring and stuff.

And Andy's like, wow, were you happy with it?

And Kristen's like, yeah, it was perfect.

It was way bigger than I told him I wanted.

I've been like, well, I'm not flashy, but, you know, it's great.

And Jason goes, wow, it's over four carats, right?

And then the look that Janet gives Jason when he says this was so fucking good.

She just goes, oh.

Like she was so disgusted that Jason jumped fence for even two seconds.

He's going to be in trouble on the way home.

He will, babe.

So Kristen's like, I was absolutely shocked.

I knew one day for sure, you know, he was gonna do it, but definitely didn't think it was gonna be on camera.

I thought it'd be crazy.

It actually is something we talked about before, and just not at that time.

And I thought maybe like next year or something like that.

All right, well, Luke, Danny, and Nia, you really need to be commended.

I mean, Kristen is known for cracking cases.

You guys thought you were you, and you guys were able to pull it off.

Britney felt left out that she wasn't included in the boat for the engagement.

Why didn't you include Britney knowing that she's one of Chris's best friends?

And Luke's like, yeah.

You can't trust fucking Brittany.

That's why.

I mean, look at Brittany.

Every, every piece of gossip that has traveled this season has been through Brittany.

Just so funny.

Every time they ask like, Janet, who told you this stuff, Brittany?

Hey, Zach, who told you this stuff, Brittany?

From last season.

Hey, who told, who told on Kristen saying that she, Michelle could be racist for this Trump affiliation or whatever?

Brittany.

All roads lead back to Brittany.

That's why.

And Andy's next question is, Brittany, you ended up telling Jax about Kristen and Luke's engagement.

She's like, oh my God, worst mistake of my life.

Worst mistake of my life.

How could you say that when you're sitting across from Jax?

I know.

Well, you didn't do that of revenge for not being included, did you?

Oh, no, of course not.

Okay, even Kristen and Luke, now I did not do that out of revenge.

So Jax is like, and

I'm so fucking sorry, man.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I just thought it'd be fun to, you know, be vengeful because I wasn't invited there.

I was the guy who was vengeful, basically.

He didn't even say that, but he basically, I don't know what, he kept saying, I don't know what I was thinking.

We know what you were thinking.

You were pissed that you weren't on the cast trip, so you're going to try to ruin it.

So Andy.

Andy's like, yeah, you put it in the group chat.

And he's like, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, and they gave me, Jesse gave me a hard time.

I mean, I don't know.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what I was doing.

I'm crazy.

Well, how did you feel about Janet and and Jason not coming to the Luau event to celebrate your engagement?

Kristen's like, I mean, that was smart.

You know, she could have come, but like, you know, it was good that she didn't.

And Jason's like, yeah, I mean, we wouldn't have come like with guns blazing or anything like that.

Well, I don't think it would have mattered, but, you know, since they offered not to come, that was nice.

Well, I mean, they were, you know, they weren't in a good place at all.

And like, this is the happiest day of her life.

And she doesn't necessarily want to see someone who she doesn't, doesn't like staring at her.

And Janet doesn't want to put on a t-shirt that has her face on it so it's sort of like okay the thing that makes the most logical sense is just to skip it so i think everything's okay now right right i'm smiling again and he's like all right well looking back was it everything you could have hoped for christened beyond like beyond absolutely beyond as someone

i mean my my initial goal was to get married in a bed bathhand but it was beyond it was beyond and you know like the favorite part was like at the end of it i got to call janet a stupid whore so that was fun very very romantic as someone who never exaggerates, I can say with authority that it was the best engagement in the entire history of engagements.

Every single alien told me so.

I had plans to get engaged at a Big Lots parking lot, but they're closed now.

So this is the next best thing, Andy.

Well, I have to say, Kristen, having known you for so many years on and off television, you've always had a certain level of chaos surrounding you, and it's been really fun to see you.

Marmello?

no just forced to not drink for nine months you know Kristen

there are just those people that no one wants to sit next to on public transportation and sometimes you look at those people and you think why can't the person in that seat and the person in that seat who are both people I don't want to sit next to sit together and give me a free seat and you two have done that so I just for all of America, thank you.

Thank you.

And Kristen keeps doing this thing that she did.

She's been, she did it all reunion.

She has this like really goofy laugh.

She's like, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm much more chill now.

I'm much more chill.

Luke, he, he calms me down.

It's like the goofiest laugh she's ever done.

Um,

so yeah, wow, you two really seem to compliment each other.

I've already sent you those little pine cones you wear around your neck

for your wedding gift.

so congratulations you two crazy kids all right let's take a break okay we're back fittingly kristen and luke's hawaiian engagement uh was capped off with a few volcanic eruptions from their friends jesse did you have a plan to confront crazy-eyed aaron or have a conversation with him before you went

Well, I did always want to have the conversation.

And I kept saying, well, you know, my girlfriend called Michelle to set boundaries, but Aaron never did.

And then I had this realization, well, I'm also a man, and I could call Aaron and set my own boundaries, because that's what men do.

They go up to other men, they put one hand on their shoulder, another on their chests, try to keep their erection from hitting his erection and say, I'm setting a boundary right now.

And then if the erection does hit the other erection, we have a sword fight.

Then whoever wins the sword fight gets to mark a map.

And that's how maps were made, Andy, by men.

Okay, well, I'm both repulsed and slightly excited by this story.

Were you happy with the conversation?

Does anyone want to make a map with me?

It was a good conversation.

I love that we see the clip.

And he's like, Aaron, did you ever stick your wiener in Michelle?

And Aaron's like,

no, no.

Nope.

Yeah.

Michelle, what did Aaron tell you about the conversation when he got back to your room?

I mean, he said it went well overall.

And I think they got along in Hawaii.

I mean, you saw the lap picture.

And

we see this picture of like Jesse sitting on Aaron's lap.

And then he's like, okay, well, I'm glad things are positive between you and Aaron.

I mean, we're going to have to eventually move forward.

And, you know, they're happy.

They want to move forward.

So, like, what's the point of holding any animosity except for torturing Michelle?

Which is the only thing that's the day, you can have an enemy or you can have someone that you don't really like, but that's always got good Coke.

So I went with the latter.

Okay.

All right, Kristen, you leveled an insult at Janet when you told Brittany in Hawaii that she was a fan.

of Vanderpomp Rules.

Well, being a fan of the show isn't creepy, you know, but it's like she just changed when season one happened, you know?

Like, I mean, there's stuff that even that happened that I didn't even bring up.

Like when Jax brought my ex-boyfriend and I see her fucking interview bites and she's like blaming me for a relationship with that guy she was literally one of my best friends and then we see a clip of janet being like oh really and she's making it sound like that guy was a bad boyfriend when like i saw that relationship kristen and he was in a relationship with crazy kristen

yeah not a great girlfriend moment at all so kristen's like and you're sitting there bad mouthing me on camera and i was floored and andy's like well did you befriend people like sheena and kristen to get on tv janet's like no not to get on on TV,

just to be on television sets.

Honestly, I just, I want TV as a legacy media.

I just wanted to be streaming.

If I could make it onto Peacock, that'd be great for me.

My dream as a little girl was to make it onto VCRs.

But, you know, dreams evolve as we age, Andy.

So, I mean, you guys are making it sound like I have good as gold posters in my room.

I'll bet you have every song released on Vanderpromp Rules on your fucking music app on your phone.

You know she'd be there.

So do I.

So you better be able to do that.

If we were on this show trying to start fights with Kristen, I'd bring it up.

So Janet's like, we would be that person to join the show, though.

We'd be exactly what Kristen is accusing Janet of.

We'd be on that show like,

I'd love to fight with you right now.

Corona!

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm an asshole.

Could you please give me like

10 of your, what were they called?

Can I please have like one of each of the

prime cocktails?

Can I one of each of

If Kristen ever came for me and I wanted to make up there, I'd be like, can nobody love you like I'm loving you?

Like I'm loving you, like I'm loving you.

We just start screaming.

It's not about the pasta.

Every two seconds we'd be the worst.

But yes, Janet is a fan, but she's like, well, whatever.

You guys are making it sound like it's crazier than it is.

And she's like, no, I think you're trying to be somebody that you're not.

Okay.

And Janet's like, well, I mean, Sheena would have loved if i sang good is gold or had posters she would have loved that so so much god i hope she'll sign one do you think she has any posters in her in her house i think you've developed an alter ego oh i would love to be on that show too i you know i can really sing very well as an ai character shut up that's who you are on camera fan it fan it and janet's like um i didn't change when we when we got on camera um they told me i had to stay in the same outfit that i was in so i did not change we were bad for a year before filming Don't forget, I was a bitch to you on camera because we were already in a fight.

She's like, Janet, it's like you have an alter ego.

That's what you act like on camera.

You act like someone different than when you're on camera.

I love that Janet's alter ego is even really boring and nobody likes it.

She's like, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to come up with a new personality for TV.

And it's terrible and boring.

She's like, you know what?

My new persona is going to do?

It's going to make really, really terrible microwave food and have a low hood.

Watch out.

Watch out.

So Jason's like, oh, well, there's no specific examples.

And Dan's like, well, we've shed so many examples.

Okay.

And how many do you need, Jason?

This entire reunion is about how much Janet sucks.

And Jason's like, give me one example.

Give me one single

example.

So Danny's like, there are so many.

So Jason goes, oh, man, you guys didn't even know us before we started filming.

And Janet says, yeah, I didn't know you two, basically Danny and Nia.

And Nia's like, Okay, you weren't the first couple to come over and meet our children, our daughters, when they were born.

Back when it was one under one, then two under two.

Come on now.

Yeah, the first couple dancing out with our son in our living room.

We didn't know you before we were filming.

He's like, Well, that was when we were getting to know each other.

But and Janet's like, Yeah, that was one time we went to your house.

I've been to your house one time, okay?

She's, oh, one time we didn't go to LACMA together.

We haven't spent time in group gatherings together.

We loved you guys.

We loved you guys.

You were the first friends to meet our daughters.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Don't hold that over somebody's head.

It's not like you could leave the house, you know?

Also, shocking.

I mean, I think was this the first time a museum has ever been mentioned on the Valley or Bandon Pump Rules?

She said we went to LACMA together, which is the big museum here in L.A.

I was like, wait, they know there's a museum here?

It's amazing.

Janet went to a museum basically named after her personality type, black.

So Jason's like, well, we really hit it off.

And he's like, exactly.

So don't you dare say we weren't friends.

You danced with my newborn

before filming.

That's wrong.

More lies.

I mean, aren't her babies really young?

That would make sense that they met them right before.

I think this kind of tracks.

I think it does.

It does track.

But I think Nia wants putting it in the middle of the day.

Because Nia thinks that relationships are real when they're not really real.

They're like some fake bullshit LA relationships.

Some people from the cast came over to meet your kids and get to know you before you started shooting because the show is about being friends.

And you were like, these are real friends, Daniel.

Do you remember how she did the grapevine with little

Nathan?

Whatever his name is.

Little

Brooks.

Whatever.

Well, it's like when Brittany wanted to have everyone over so we could all just hang out.

Like Morse, she had a pool party and you, me, Michelle, and Brittany were all hanging out.

And Nia's like, Yeah, I can't stand them lying over and over and over again, and over and over and over.

And Janet's like, Well, I mean, why did you ask me if you were welcome in my home for Ariana's birthday if everything was perfect back then?

How about that?

Well, I didn't say it was perfect.

Oh, because by the way, we're back to my argument with Janet, not Nia's.

I didn't say it was perfect.

I'm saying you and I were friends for a long time.

And then when you started filming, you acted differently.

Well, when we started filming, you announced that I said Michelle was racist, which i didn't and that changed a lot for me i just said

she probably could be racist because she's a trumper that's very very different okay we still haven't gotten to the bottom of that and you see michelle gulp you know when she says that she's like yeah you said i said michelle was a racist and they just catch michelle she's like

when she gulps it's like a real like a cartoon gulp it's like gulp gulp so andy is like all right janet on the boat unless i know know why you said Danny had sexually assaulted Jasmine.

Is everyone ready for this part?

Because it's going to be a fun one.

You just made peace with Danny and Nia in the pool.

Why go there?

Well, honestly, once he started talking, Kristen said, you've been attacking Danny and Nia, you've been attacking Danny and Nia.

And I just felt like, I'm not attacking somebody.

This guy did something pretty horrible.

And I think we need to address that.

And this is the like it was like, it was serious.

The thought was serious.

And she thought it was serious.

And, you know, I used a legal term for the definition because you know i had just watched judge judy earlier that day which is basically passing the bar and i also did pass the bar and had a cocktail and kristen's like well it had been addressed 40 times and she's like well why did you bring their names into that conversation because you attacked them so i was being a bitch okay well i guess the reason i was talking about danny and neo was because of his actions then that's why that is why well kristen said you were attempting to ruin someone's life who doesn't deserve it were you she goes um i guess if i'm talking about things that you did i think you were responsible for your actions so not me talking about your actions so if the allegations weren't true that would absolutely be on me that i was trying to ruin your life but i think that you put your hands on women without their consent you have to own up to that which is true but he did own up to it multiple times he's still owning up to it he actually did but good point he did the whole he actually really really did it's time for a commercial It's time for a crappin' commercial.

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And Andy is like, so touching someone's butt is sexual assault?

Yes, Andy, are you

just hearing that?

He's like, oh, God, we need to have new rules.

Watch what happens live, bartender.

I consulted the law firm of Dave and Busters, and it is confirmed.

That is the definition.

And Jason's like, well, actually, it's actually battery.

Exactly.

Yeah, we looked it up and technically it is, but it's like, oh,

great.

And it's like battery.

So Jason's like, yeah, cuz you're touching and assault isn't necessarily touching.

Battery is touching.

You know, shang those words are so powerful.

Battery.

I mean, we just invest in shoulder power.

So when you say things like battery, it just show up shedding.

So Janet's like, well, we don't do these things that classify as a definition of them.

Okay.

Well, don't do those things.

And Danny's like, well, I owned up to it though.

He owned up to it, taking accountability, and we'll continue to because that's that's his character.

And he's like, basically, we just had this talk in the pool the day before, making up and agreeing to be in a good place.

And then you do this, throwing these words around the very next day.

And Janet's like, well, when I'm being told I'm attacking you guys, I'm going to respond by attacking you guys.

I mean, that's just how being accused of attacking goes.

I don't know what you want me to say.

And Kristen's like, Melise haven't even told you to shut up.

And Jason's like, um, your collateral damage in this conversation because between Kristen and Janet, basically, I guess, Danny.

And Danny's like, but you attacked me.

And Kristen's like, yeah, Melissa's literally yelling at you to shut up.

So Andy says, okay, you guys know you're using a loaded term here, right?

And Jasmine says it.

Yeah.

And Jasmine's like, well, definition, like, she's not wrong.

She's not wrong.

I mean, that is the definition.

And Janet says, well, when Jasmine and I first talked about this, I said to her, when I said to her, when she said he was grabbing, you know, this person's ass, Melissa's Melissa's ass, my thighs, making sexually explicit comments, call me daddy.

I said, you know, that's sexual assault.

And she said, yes.

And it's not fair.

And this happens all the time to women.

And none of these guys, none of these idiot men, I think you said, that's what you said.

None of these idiot men, right?

Justin was like,

yep, yep.

Do you want to say it now also to back me up?

No, no, I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

Yep.

Well, none of these idiot men ever have to face consequences for it.

I mean, I'm not going to dispute any of that.

I think it does happen all the time.

I think it is bullshit.

And I do do think that guys get away with it all the time.

But I'm not sure that Janet right now in this moment was the ambassador for this movement that we needed or what was appropriate for the show.

Well, and again, it's not about whether Danny or not did it or not or whether it was right or wrong.

She's making it about that again, but it's not.

The question is, why do you keep bringing up over and over and over and over and over and over again every time you need something in a fight?

Like Danny wasn't even in this fight.

And like ultimately, Kristen did 100% bring Danny and Nia into this fight on this boat.

Like they were having a talk and Kristen brought that up.

She inserted it in.

She is in many ways responsible for resuscitating this whole thing.

But Janet,

even if she felt all these things, because she's basically saying like, oh, like, like, like you're saying, I'm attacking them, but like, this guy did something like that.

She, in the interest of actually trying to make things better, I think she should have said, I'm not getting into the Danny and Nia thing, you know, because it's already been talked about to death, including right now, but it's been talked to to death.

And if she had a genuine interest, I think, in rebuilding that relationship, I think she would have said, she could have still maintained her feelings.

It was not that it's not saying that she would have to suppress her feelings.

It's saying, my feelings on this, I'm not sharing it with you, Kristen, because you are my enemy right now.

And like, is it worth having collateral damage on someone you're trying to repair with?

Just to make a strong point to someone you don't like, is that really worth it?

I don't think so.

This show is exhausting me.

So Kristen's like, well, you're trying to make them look bad.

Janet's like, well, we should definitely sweep that behavior under the rug.

And everyone basically is yelling at her.

Like, we're not sweeping it onto the rug.

We've talked about it nine million goddamn jobs.

The rug is whack.

Whacked rug.

Whack rug.

So Jesse's like, the only person that should be able to say what it was is Jasmine and Melissa.

And Janet goes, well, and Jasmine's agreeing with me.

Look at her.

Jasmine, agree with me.

Jasmine's like,

no, yep.

Yes, no.

No, yes.

Yep.

Nope.

Yep.

Nope.

Well, that's why malicious shit.

Stop talking about it, Janet.

Nobody wants to talk.

I think Jasmine is

having an episode over there.

So Janet's like, and after she asked me to stop talking about it, other than

when I've had two in interviews, I apologize to them and I have stopped.

And Jasmine's like, yes, and thank you for that.

It was like, we were, are we ever going to get past this?

Because now I'm getting angry and it's going to make me angry at Danny all over again.

Should I get angry at Danny again?

Should I set us up for season three everyone anyone damny we need to have a talk we need to have a talk okay we're going to have a talk sandy's like okay by show of hands who thinks janet was being reckless in using that term so everybody but michelle jax janet and jason raise their hands and uh jasmine and brittany kind of have to well brittany's kind of trying to be non-committal because she's like playing with the strap on her dress or something So she's like, oh, well, I'll raise my hand.

And she can tell the other high side of the couch.

I didn't raise my hand.

I was messing with my dress.

That was the most awkward question I ever heard in my whole life.

My life.

Oh, you're a cool guy.

You're the coolest guy I ever met in my life.

So Jasmine's like, she's like, I think she was coming from a good place, but at the same time, I think it just went wrong.

And Chris is like, I want to know what you were trying to accomplish.

Okay.

She was coming from a malicious place.

What were you trying to accomplish by saying the word I repeat?

Who were you trying to destroy?

And Jas like, what would you have preferred?

Groped, molested.

Like, what, what word would you have preferred?

He's like, Molest

is like, literally, this cast has not learned.

This is the dumbest thing to keep bringing it up with Janet over and just let it go.

She's going to make it worse every time.

She's like, What would make it, what would make it better?

Should I say, grope, molested,

great,

you know, bang?

I can't bang.

It would have been better.

I mean,

hands screen.

I mean, what do you want me to say?

Max Weld.

So Jasmine is basically like saying to Zach, like, I think she's trying to help be a good friend, but I don't think it's...

I don't think it's working.

So Nia's like, we need to clear this up.

And Andy's like, okay, okay, Jason, as an attorney, is this defamatory possibly?

And workman's comp attorney

like give me a break that is a paper pusher attorney over there I'm so sure that we've seen Jason's attorney skills during this reunion but okay let's go with it so Jason's also

what

yeah that counts it's like you're a fucking workman's comp attorney give me a break and Andy's like well nothing could happen in a court of law if she had press charges for touching his ass and he's well I mean the I doubt the DA would pick it up because there's not really a a lot of damages you know it's like a bad thing happened but it's not like you know he do jail time or anything like that and uh uh janet's just like

you're gonna

get home dinner jason god everyone's name is so basic on this show i get them confused so andy is like so then if it's no jail time no damages why would you use the term thank you Thank you.

Because she's an evil person.

She's an evil person.

And I told Danny, you should study her next time you want to hide in the grates and try and get method for a role

she loves to hurt people she loves to hurt people and she loves the drama and she loves the attention that's what she loves

okay dia you want to say what I just think there needs to be clarity because there are words and things that are thrown around that are not true.

You've said multiple times, this has happened multiple times over and over again.

And when you say multiple times, like I'm saying multiple times, multiple times, just in this paragraph, you're literally trying to assassinate his career as a person, his character as a person multiple times.

So to put things out there that have not happened are not okay.

And if I have to say this multiple times, I will say it multiple times.

Janice's just like, okay.

Well, you know those words can ruin.

She goes, yeah, well, there's lots of words that have been dropped among this cast that can ruin people.

Okay, so now she's switching to the victim.

Someone said green bean.

Green bean can destroy a person's career in the right contexts.

Just think about it.

Think about it.

Well, you said that Michelle was a whore on camera, Danny.

And he's like, I didn't say that.

He never said those words.

Another lie.

Well, you said I heard that Michelle sleeps with a billionaire for $1,500 a night on camera.

Is that not damaging her reputation?

No, it's establishing it.

I mean, I never shed whore.

Yeah, you're lying, Janet, putting bad words out there.

And so then Jason's like, are we not allowed to paraphrase?

You learned that in law school too, by the way.

Great argument.

And Michelle's like, she is saying, she's saying this is damaging for everybody.

Google my name.

Now it seems that I'm a hooker.

Now,

we all agree it was shitty that Jesse said this, and maybe Danny shouldn't have brought it on camera.

Though he claims he didn't remember there was a camera.

I don't think if you look up Michelle Lolly, we're not going to find like a porn hub page for her or some sort of escort service.

I don't think anyone thinks Michelle is a prostitute.

And I don't think it's like out there there as like a massive headline everywhere.

But maybe this was what Jesse did, too.

I mean, Danny brought it up on camera, which wasn't cool, but again, they all do that on these shows.

And that's what Jesse did by putting it in the group chat.

He wanted it to get on camera.

I mean, he knows that Janet, that Danny or Jax is going to, I think he dropped it for Jax to say something, you know, but Danny beat Jax to it because Jax was in, you know.

Danny fell into the trap.

I mean, he definitely brought it on camera.

So

Kristen says,

she's like, Daniel never said Michelle's a horror.

I love when Kristen calls him Daniel.

To show complete alliance with Nia, I will call him Daniel right this moment.

Yeah.

So Jason goes, okay, prostitute.

Janet goes, yeah, Danny said that she's sleeping with men for money.

No, she said that Jesse put that in the group chat.

You twister.

Well, what a bunch of dumbasses.

They're just dumbasses.

I can't.

Oh, but you have all this wrong.

It's wild.

It's wild, Janet.

Yeah, I feel stupid listening to them talk.

All right, all right.

Let's move on.

Speaking of feeling stupid for listening to people talk, I need to wrap up this reunion.

So let's move on.

Okay.

So after the gang returned home from Hawaii, Michelle threw a Zen party, but all the koi fish and bonsai trees in the world couldn't bring peace to this chaotic friend group.

Brittany, the last time we saw you and Zach together in the show, he was screaming at you.

Do you guys want to fight some more for us?

Oh my god, I love Zach so much.

We're like best dudes.

You know, I love you, Zach.

I love you so much.

You know, like we talk all the time, like every day or every other day, or like five times a day, every day, because I love you, Zach.

You know, nobody loves you more than me.

Friend Daytonoid.

Friend Daytonoi.

So you two are good?

Oh, yeah.

I love my best friend my entire life.

Okay.

And he's like, so you have been buddies for what, like 20 years?

Can we just detroy?

I mean, I don't understand how you guys have a friendship for 20 years and you're on bravo and it hasn't even crumbled yet what's going on here well the way we met is i used to cheer for ekau

go eku go eq

and um what our our uh mascot is the emu which is real fun

sue the other year it was great i can sue that she actually dressed up like emu for eku ekin su is the emu for

eku it was a great date and one of my friends that cheered with me.

I dated Zach.

And Zach's like, you dated a cheerleader?

Yep.

And then me and Zach stay best friends eventually.

And the other guy out crazy.

But let me show you a picture of Zach.

He's so cute.

This picture of Zach comes on.

And can I just say, Zach's hair, even the helmet hair of last season was a great improvement over what we saw in this picture.

Good Lord, man.

He's always had a Lego man fetish.

This was always

like straight down and shellacked straight down.

he looked like another person of a Lego head.

It was awful.

I forgot that Zach used to look like that because he used to pop up in Kristen's, I mean, in Britney's photos for years, just when she was on Vanderpoint Bruels.

And I was always like, who is that gay with the strange bangs?

And yeah, I forgot he has really.

He has made things better for himself for sure.

Yeah, definite improvement there.

So

Danny Jack stopped inviting you to things.

Why do you think?

And he's like, well, I think he did it because he wanted to be able to talk behind my back and say things like danny's not here because he's drunk somewhere when i was literally at home putting our kids to bed drunk

so

i guess i guess i was somewhere drunk all right is that why you said you heard that jackson slept with the staff at the bar you all have heard that rumor right and jacks who i mean what staff member i mean tell me who i've had you know what i've got like two girls that work there three people who work there i mean who could who could it be i'm like you're really narrowing the the field actually jacks you're making the rumor sound actually better

like it's unlike

a rumor there was a rumor about one of them i figured that one wasn't true you know unless there was another girl i don't know about but there was definitely rumor there was a rumor yeah yeah there was a rumor but i never slept with my staff i don't lie i don't i don't do that i mean i mean blow jobs sure but sleeping with nah okay maybe once maybe twice i'll rest up with all of them i mean not that big of a deal but i don't know where you hear these rumors from

Well, I heard from some of your friends that go there quite often.

Oh, well, we make jokes about it because it was at a bar.

So, like, we make jokes that I fuck everybody, but, you know, it's just a bar.

That's what you do at bars.

All right.

All right.

What do you do?

Looks like, well, you came in with one of your ladies to a bar where I was at, and I don't know if you guys went home or banged or not, but you know, we were having mixed something.

Oh, what'd she look like?

What'd she look like?

What?

What girl?

What?

What?

Who was she?

What'd she look like?

Yeah.

I don't know if it was a girl from the bar but blonde girl what blonde yeah blonde blonde girl big boobs uh going down on you right in the middle of the bar it was really awkward for everyone there you don't remember that well jax taylor should not own a bar he's got a lot of issues

all right jesse i heard that even though she wanted to do nothing with the season your girlfriend came to michelle's zen party oh my gosh how did they not get this on camera that girl showed up yes sounds like they did And then she probably issued some sort of like, you know, cease and desist because Jesse is like, yeah, at the end of the night, I was supposed to be at a birthday dinner for her at Chateau.

And, you know, she called and said, are you guys done?

And I said, yeah.

So she came by.

She left her own birthday party to come to our shoot.

Which everyone would totally do.

That totally makes sense, right?

My story pans out.

That is weird.

She was at a birthday dinner at Chateau.

Well, I guess they shot late.

So she came after her thing.

So, Michelle, how were your interactions with Jesse's girlfriend and michelle like totally by the way illustrating why she's on the end of the couch i mean michelle this reunion is just like uh are you dogging do me yes michelle how did you react to the girlfriend showing up not very well but i cannot discuss it because uh my lawyer um did told me not to discuss yeah that's what lawyers do As a lawyer, let me just tell you, sometimes a lawyer will come in and say, please don't discuss that.

I'm a lawyer.

Shut up, Jason.

Well, I heard that you had a massive screaming match after the cameras went down.

The sort of screaming match we would have loved to have shown on Bravo and put in all the trailers, but we couldn't because this bitch gave us a season to sists.

Yeah, she told, she's she's told, like, not talk about it because of her threats, okay?

That's what that's what Michelle is doing.

She's like, a girl's friend's threats, and that's why she's not wanting to talk about it right now.

I don't know if she'll ever be able to talk about it for the rest of her life.

Can we not do this in the next season?

Like, all this talk about legal bullshit.

This is such bullshit.

We're not going to talk about this because she's not here to defend herself.

Okay, guys.

And everybody knows that I, Jesse Lolly, am nothing if not a gentleman.

Thank you.

So Andy is not happy because clearly there's some good ass footage that they can't show and he knows about it and he doesn't like Jesse doing this thing of like, she's not here to defend herself.

Well, I know, but

She did show, she showed up at an all-cast event and then she made a legal threat.

So

it was very clear that everybody was dil filming.

Aaron was dill spinning the honey zine around and around.

Well, they picked up cameras and put a boom over our head as soon as she walked in the restaurant, as they should have.

And this is where Andy goes from like smiley TV host to like angry TV executive.

And he's like, as they should have.

They were doing their job.

And if your girlfriend showed up today, you know what I would do?

Stick a mic on her and get her in there.

This is a hot set.

This is a show called The Valley.

That's your girlfriend.

I want to talk to her.

Bring her out.

Let's get her on the phone.

You understand?

Yeah, I love the pause.

He goes, I get her on the phone and Jesse's like, okay.

You understand?

I'm like, whoa.

The you understand

was great.

It was because it.

Because Andy is 100% right.

This person went to a taping.

It's a hot set, as Andy said.

Like, it's active.

Even if the cameras are down, those cameras will always come up if given the chance.

Like she went there and then she's all of a sudden like, oh, no, like, don't film me.

I'm giving a season to say, oh, get over it, lady.

Stop it already.

And she's angry that people call her litigious and this is what she does.

I've had enough of her.

Yeah.

Well, now for some final thoughts.

Okay.

You know,

reunions are really about love and finding a way forward.

All right, everybody.

So, Michelle, now you have another chance to say something nice about Jesse, which you refused to say in Santa Barbara.

She's like, well, he is a good father, and I never wanted to dig Isabella away.

I did want to ask her to get a job to help him pay his rent so she wouldn't be homeless half the time.

But, you know, zing, all the moments you guys have together on camera is very dodging.

And I...

Michelle is without a batteries.

So let's move on.

Let's change the question because that one sucks.

Okay, Jason, do you feel resolved?

He's like, um,

well, it's tough.

You know, I wanted things to go differently.

I wanted people to hate Janet less, and I think everyone hates her more.

I feel America asking us not to sit at their lunch table right now, and as a lawyer, I object.

Zach, do you have anything you want to say to the group?

Um, first, did I have to really be on this side of the reunion?

I hate it over here.

Also, um, I mean, I think at least one person, Janet, I feel like if you can take accountability for the things that you've done, and I'll take accountability for the things that I've done, which is nothing, and we can move forward and make Britney's life just a little bit easier.

Yes, please.

I would love that.

Okay, maybe we can start by unblocking each other on socials.

And Janet's like, he is unblocked.

Oh, yeah, she unblocked me, but then I blocked her.

Whoops.

Sorry, yeah.

But you want me to unblock you now?

Because I'll do it now.

I'll do it right now.

So they unblock each other, and Jason goes, Oh, does anyone care that I have Zach blocked?

He goes, Oh, you do?

I didn't even notice.

Who's missing those sponsored dockers posted?

So, or dockers posts, I should say.

Well, all right, Jax, congratulations on your sobriety, might I add LOL.

So I hope you keep building on that nothing that you've established.

Okay, where's your headspace as you leave tonight?

And why is there a black car waiting outside from you from a guy saying, get outside with the money or I'm leaving?

You know, my main objective was just obviously just talk to Brittany and just move forward and be peaceful to each other other and be amazing co-parents for our son and just be peaceful.

And, you know, I've done a lot.

I've done a lot.

And I'm hoping that she can forgive me one day.

I'm not saying today.

If she could do it today, that'd be great.

If she doesn't, she's sort of a bitch for not.

I don't know.

But we have, we have, you know, we're going to be in each other's lives for a long time.

And it's just, it's a lot.

And I just hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me one of these days.

I don't know.

I'm a work in progress, guys.

Work in progress.

I love that Jax's final line on Bravo is begging for forgiveness.

As usual.

As fucking usual.

Well, is tonight a good start, Brittany?

She's like, I don't know.

It's hard because it's going to take a lot for him to prove me that he's actually changing.

You know what?

I'm sorry, but I need to feel pretty.

Okay.

I need to feel wanty.

I need to feel like I'm a good looking lady.

Okay.

Maybe dating all.

Maybe dating oil.

All right.

Well, it is tradition to end with a toast, but with two new babies on the way, tequila shots didn't feel like the right move.

So we're doing vodka shots instead.

Okay, everyone.

What was that?

Oh,

mocktails.

All right, that's lame.

And baby bottles just to torture Lola.

Okay, who in the group is the toast giver?

And so Jason goes, Actually, it's Brittany.

Oh, fuck.

That really backfired on me.

Okay, Brittany, you have the floor.

All right, Brittany, bring us out with a toast.

I'm just like, oh, no, no, no, no, do not eat toast.

Put the toast down.

Put the toast back in your purse.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay, I just want to say, everybody, I love you so much.

I love you so much.

Everybody, you're all good people.

I love you so much.

You know, because we're all good friends.

This is hard.

It's hard what we do.

But, you know, we do it.

And we're people.

And people are people.

You know what?

Drink night.

You know what?

There are good ships and there are wood ships and there are ships that sail the sea.

But the best ships are like the ships where you can go on like a booze cruise around the island and have both your friends, right?

Okay.

Well, may this upcoming year be the best days of our lives.

Cheers, everybody.

I hate all of you.

Please recast this show.

God, you are insufferable idiots.

Andy looks like he fucking hates these people.

He was miserable.

Hates them.

Miserable.

Well, I appreciate his sacrifices.

I appreciate everyone's sacrifices.

And thank you, everyone, for being here for the valley.

And

I'm excited for what else is coming down the pike on Bravo's schedule.

Like you mentioned before, it's a little thin right now, like Jax's hair, like my hair, sadly.

I can't really punch down like that.

But what I will say is that clearly Bravo is going to have probably a schedule turnover very soon.

They usually start new stuff in September.

Can't wait to see what that's going to be.

But in the meantime,

stay tuned for our recaps of Miami and OC later this week.

And thanks, everyone, for being here.

Have a good one.

Bye.

Bye.

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