#2967 The Valley S2E18 Part 1: When The S**T Hits The Fanet

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Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker.

That's Ronnie Carom.

And today

we are celebrating the final episode of Jax being on Bravo until he's uncanceled again.

But for right now, it seems pretty good.

Seems like this is the one.

This is it.

This is it.

Seems steady, eh?

Yeah.

Hey, Ronnie, how's it going?

I'm good.

How you doing?

I'm doing really well.

I'm sad that the valley's over.

It was really so stunning this season.

Great, great work.

And

I think I would have to categorize myself as quite happy.

Also, I'm quite happy because tomorrow, of course, we are going to have our Miami recap.

And we already saw the Miami episode.

I've got to say, it was so good.

I was laughing so hard through so much of it.

I cannot wait to recap it.

But then, in case people didn't hear, Miami is actually moving to Thursday nights.

so we have a little bit of a traffic jam with our recaps because we just do with our scheduling and we also have nothing on Mondays.

So, what we're going to do is Orange Counties are going to be on Friday, and then Miami recaps will be on Monday mornings that we finally have something on Monday mornings again.

So, that is the programming update on that front.

That's being super bizarre.

They, I mean, they're not going to have anything on Wednesday, Tuesday,

or

what the hell?

They don't have no, they have

Monday is below deck.

No, Monday is Below Deck.

Tuesday is McBee, right?

But then next Tuesday.

No, Monday is McBee and Below Deck.

Tuesday, I don't think there's anything on there.

Tuesday, they're going to show Love Island, which is bizarre.

They're going to show last season of Love Island.

They're starting it from the beginning, it looks like.

And then Wednesday.

Maybe there'll be more Love Island?

I don't know.

And then Thursday, I actually, believe it or not, I'm actually okay with them moving Miami to Thursday.

And the reason why is they're putting it behind Orange County.

So they're now going to have an Orange County lead-in, which I think is, that's nice because it means to me that Bravo is trying to get more viewers on Miami.

I think, uh, I think they were just trying to have Miami anchor a whole night.

And for whatever reason, I don't, I can't explain many people's actions in 2025.

Um, so I can't explain why people aren't watching Miami.

I think people are watching it.

Like the chatter is going up and up and up and up.

I think it's getting to that,

it's approaching where it needs to be.

But for people who are here listening to our Valley recap and have never watched Miami, I mean, you are so missing out.

I finished watching the episode and I was like, this is really like the perfect show.

Like there are sometimes I watch Miami.

I actually think it may even be better than Salt Lake City because it is just so good.

So that's my plea for everyone to watch Miami because it's, you just don't want to miss out.

That's.

Yeah, I got to watch Miami.

Come on.

Be a good American.

Be a good American.

But anyway, go ahead.

Vote with your eyes.

Vote with your eyes.

Vote with your eyes.

Patrons.

Patreon.com slash watch for crappins is our Patreon.

We have bonus episodes.

We'll record one later today.

And we also have Crappens on Demand where you can watch us, not just listen to us.

So get the full experience over there.

And then lastly, on Monday, after, a few hours after our Miami recap, we are going to be doing Amazon Live and we will be talking about some of our favorite products.

So join us over there because we have way too much fun doing that.

So, that's all the news.

That's the updates.

Yeah, we might even do something a little special since we're going to be short a recap or two.

So, you never know what's going to come down the pike.

And guess what?

We don't know either because we haven't even discussed it.

I don't know either.

Yeah, we haven't discussed it.

I have no idea.

I have no idea.

It's going to be special, whatever it is.

I watched Alien Earth last night.

Pretty special.

I'm sure a Bravo audience would love it.

That would actually be kind of a funny thing to recap, even though it does look scary.

I'm actually okay with it.

Tamra gets sent down to Earth on a crashed alien ship.

Tamra.

Yeah, seriously.

It's terrible.

The original Xenomorphs is like,

that's my opinion.

All those aliens, all those xenomorphs are like little Tamras running around eating cats and Tom Scarab.

They are.

And then they have the Larsa, the like cyborg who has changed from, you know,

she got too much Botox and filler in her face, so they had to move her personality into a different body that got her

very good

i only saw the first alien i've actually never seen any of the others including aliens which i uh i've been meaning to watch for i don't know about 20 years oh that's a classic i know one of the best sequels ever of all time i loved alien i love it we should recap alien someday wouldn't that be funny if we just recapped the original alien sure we should i'm down next week we're on it's alien week we should celebrate alien week by or alien coming on TV by recapping the original alien.

Why not?

The original alien.

I think she's a lesbian.

We can just ask that every five minutes like people did in the movie theater.

Oh my God.

So funny.

Speaking of aliens, let's talk about this cast of the valley.

So

yeah,

I'm so excited for you, Ronnie.

I am so, so thrilled because I feel like today

you're really going to have a fun time.

This is going to be, yes,

the fire hose will open and I cannot wait to hear your rage.

I feel, I was watching the episode last night.

I was like, Ronnie is going to be furious.

Really?

I mean, I just watched it and kept going, oh, shut up.

I mean, I feel like the same amount that I always do, but I feel very peaceful and calm today and rage-free.

So let's see.

Let's see what happens.

All right.

Well, here we are.

Part three of this reunion.

A really strong reunion.

And also, one of the few times I will say all three parts were deserved.

I felt like it was crammed full of good stuff.

And where we left off was this fight with Danny and Jason being like, you're a clown, dude.

You're like a clown.

You're a clown.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

How could you call me a clown?

You know how many times I tried out for that role.

You know what?

I'm sorry.

Why do you have to bring up my trauma trying to audition for itch?

It's just not nice.

Daniel spent months hiding under the grate on our street trying to get method to get that role and he still didn't get it.

But you know what, Daniel?

Don't let them steal your peas.

Don't let them steal your peas, Daniel.

You don't even know how many red balloons I inflated, okay?

I was getting into the role.

So

Janet's like, you know what?

I'm actually glad.

You know, I've talked about it a lot because it's happened multiple times ever since.

Multiple times the sexual assault has happened.

We don't have evidence, nor do we have stories.

We don't even have fake stories about how it happened, but I'm just going to say to everyone, it happened multiple times since.

And Andy, who, I mean, we all suspect has grabbed plenty of butts in his day and told people, get daddy a drink.

Okay.

Like, let's just.

Let's just get that out there.

Okay.

I think we all know that this happens on a regular basis.

Andy is just perplexed by this whole line of questioning, even though it's his slash board.

But, you know, he's very like, wait, so you're saying he's touched other women's butts?

Like, why do I care about this?

I mean, he just has this look on his face.

Like, is this what we've gone to on this show?

And Janet's like, well, he's been inappropriate and made other women feel uncomfortable multiple times since, as recently as the Super Bowl.

First of all, isn't the Super Bowl National Women Feeling Uncomfortable Day?

I mean,

I think men have been making women feel uncomfortable on the Super Bowl since the dawn of the Super Bowl.

I've never been to one where I haven't been uncomfortable for every woman in the room.

Okay.

Yeah.

Second, prove it.

And by the way, I know I'm minimizing by making jokes about what Danny did.

It's just that it's talked about ad nauseum.

You know what I mean?

So yes, Danny still sucks for grabbing someone's butt and doing all of that stuff, but Janet is just taking it to this level that's ridiculous.

Prove it.

Where are these multiple times, Janet?

Who are these people?

Name them.

Name them and name them.

Here's the, here's, here's the thing i actually don't i don't doubt that danny has gotten drunk and then flirty and made people be like give given people the creeps you know

i think i i we both we both we both believe that i think that the problem is that janet is you know she's doubling down i think because she doesn't really want to pull like she doesn't want to take anything back so she's kind of doubling down and now making herself a crusader on this topic that she's i'm not sure she's qualified to to be the advocate in this moment like because she doesn't she's not bringing like facts to be like hey listen i've got to say on this occasion this happened this occasion this happened this occasion this happened and she's not bring i don't know she's she's not bringing enough so it just is coming out as kind of like

sort of general quote like accusations which i just think is like a little harmful like i think it's and and i think that she's doing it really

and

there's something about the sanctimoniousness of the not the sanctimoniousness of it but it's like the she is putting herself at in this crusader position it almost feels like to retroactively um sure up her position sure up the fact that she was over the top in yelling sexual assault on that boat i think yeah and i think that the reason The reason it's so effective is because the argument that she's using is designed to make you uncomfortable.

It's designed to make you unable to argue with it because she's using, she's taking the old victim cloak, right?

And she's using

you can't argue with the victim cloak, right?

So she's taking that and she's using that as a weapon against someone, but none of it is her.

None of it is her victimhood.

So when it comes to Jasmine, okay, we get the Jasmine thing.

Jasmine has every right to stand up.

And actually, Janet has a right to say something about it too, frankly.

Yeah, and I think that Janet.

I know that he did that.

So

she's not going to be why.

But she's allowed to be in the right.

Right.

She's taking these terms.

She's taking terms like he's made women feel uncomfortable.

Well, we all know what that means.

She's taking turns like

sexuals.

She's taking these big terms and she's using them as weapons because you can't argue with those terms.

Because if you argue them, then people are saying, why are you standing up for someone who would make women feel like that or do that to women?

It's not standing up for Danny.

Danny's a pig for doing that.

But Janice's a pig for taking all of these things to fight with somebody just because she doesn't like them when she doesn't believe any of this shit.

And you can't go around accusing people people of like sexual assault when you have no proof.

And I'm not talking about the Jasmine thing.

I'm talking about this.

You've made inappropriate, you've made women feel uncomfortable.

Well, who is it?

So then we find out, because Niasa.

Well, I mean, it's a little fraught because I think when it comes to discussions, and this is where it all becomes like this ball of yarn, because when it comes to discussions of like, oh, you have no proof, a lot of times there is never proof in these incidents.

So it's like sort of, it always comes down to what he said, she said.

And this is why actually a lot of guys get away with it because there's never any proof.

but i think that what we're we're kind of i do think we're agreeing on this which is that it seems like on that boat she blurted out sexual assault which like technically maybe that may technically okay it fits under there but realistically we understand that the word those that phrase is loaded with a lot more meaning than just the legal definition and she she took it too far by saying that and instead of sort of saying i did take it too far, I that like that was bad, she's now doubling down and actually saying that now she's going to to be like an advocate for this sort of stuff, which is hard to argue against because like who would say like fuck you for being an advocate against sexual assault?

Like no one's going to say that, but she's also like you said, victim cloaking herself by doing so.

Well, and she's taking to just to your point where she's saying where victims are often met with the argument, there's no proof and you have no proof.

That's what she's counting on, but she's not a victim.

She's not the victim.

So also it's like saying you don't have proof of what you're accusing people of doing.

These other people have not accused him.

You are accusing him with no proof.

So that's the difference.

But she's taking this terminology that if you argue with it in any way, you're just a pig misogynist who's standing up for someone who did something shitty, which.

I'm not doing.

I'm not saying people are accusing us necessarily.

I'm saying that that's the arguing that she uses.

And that's why she's a dangerous person.

She's a gross fucking person.

And to say like, you've done this multiple times, who are they?

You have to name them now.

And to say the Super Bowl, okay, great.

So then Nia is telling her, that's a lie, Janet.

You're so good at lying.

and you're making it sound like he's going out and grabbing women when he drinks.

And she goes, well, until the behavior stops, I don't feel bad about talking about it.

And there's a couple people on this stage that know about it.

Okay, then who?

Let's find out who.

Yes, Janet.

She's doing enough to, she's doing enough.

Like, it's almost like she just, she, like, maybe we don't need proof, but maybe we need to hear, like, what are you talking about?

What has brought you to this place?

Like, what have you heard?

Because it's like, you can't just like go halfway and say, I heard things, and then you don't follow up with any details.

Maybe it's not that we need proof.

We maybe need details.

Well, it's not because no one said proof.

I mean, I guess I said prove it, but I'm saying name the people.

Name them.

Like if you're

going to make it,

but you can say like, this happened on this, you know, what I heard from someone is that Danny did X, Y, and Z to them.

And then I also, this person said Danny did the X, Y, and Z.

But if you're just like, I heard things, I think that's very harmful.

It's like either you don't say it

or you say it and you come in with sort of like, this is something that real that happened and we should all as a cast be concerned.

But that sort of half and half thing is like not great.

Well, exactly.

And from what we know from the show, from what we've seen her say, she said, you went to a fan event.

You were at a fan event and you were grabbing people's butts or doing whatever.

You were doing all this stuff to fans, right?

And you were making the fans really uncomfortable.

Well, who did you hear that from?

Brittany.

Well, Brittany, did she say that?

Well, I didn't, I didn't,

I didn't see that.

Jason said it.

And then Jason, did you see it?

No, I never said that.

So that's what we know so far.

So this is where Janet stands.

This is the ice that Janet is standing on.

And it's making me crazy that the only people calling her out are the people that are being kind of attacked with it.

And they really have no leg to stand on because Danny did do that with Jasmine.

So it's like, he's, he's got, so that's why, that's why I have to make it very clear.

I'm not standing up for Danny.

Like, fuck Danny.

Okay.

This isn't about Danny.

This is about her taking something that's very serious to a lot of people and minimizing it for her own shallow gains.

And it's really frustrating to watch.

So now they do it again.

So Nia calls her out for being a liar.

They said, who told you this?

Who are you talking about?

Who are these couple of people you're talking about?

So Janet says, well, Michelle.

And Michelle says,

okay.

So Brittany, well, you said that you felt uncomfortable on your birthday around Danny.

Okay, shocker.

This came from Brittany again.

So.

But now this is interesting because Brittany starts giggling very uncomfortably.

She's like, well, you know, Danny did get pretty drunk.

And you were like, you were like, follow me around for a little bit.

But like, I mean, you didn't like Mike.

And you didn't touch me nor nothing.

But like, his personality just was very much changed.

And like, he's already being very flirtatious.

And I don't really know how to explain it, but he wasn't that same guy as he was on Halloween.

And I was like...

I low-key thought this was like a little upsetting because she seemed so uneasy about this.

I think she just didn't want to be lumped into all of Janet's bullshit.

But she basically was saying again, like, he was getting flirty with me.

And, like, she wasn't going to bring it up.

And, and she's like, uh, yeah, he was flirty with me.

I mean, like, Danny clearly is not a good drunk.

I'm sorry.

He's not.

But then, you know, Janet, yeah, it's not that he's a good drunk.

It's that Britney said something like, Danny was wasted.

Danny was wasted.

And I don't know if he was like, I don't know what that deals.

Whatever she told Janet, Janet took it to say, he's made

women uncomfortable multiple times since until his behavior stops, his sexual assault behavior stops.

stops.

It's like, just, it's just so, it's just frustrating to watch it, you know?

She makes me crazy.

She makes me fucking crazy.

So Neil's like, I think it's, that's important to specify because the way that Janet talked about it, he's like, well, you said he grabbed people.

And Jason's like, no, I didn't say he grabbed people.

It's like, yeah, you did.

You said the same thing.

It's like, well, he's gone.

He's done things other times.

And it just, it wasn't Jasmine and Melissa.

That's all I'm saying.

So Andy's like, Danny, jasmine said in santa barbara that she knows you have a drinking problem do you think you have a drinking problem he's like

angie and

angie andy i i i i don't i mean me having a drinking problem i'm not

that's ridiculous and jasmine's like well the only reason i know you have one is because of what you did and you know i felt like there had to be some kind of issue or something with alcohol and then jason's like do you think you have a drinking problem do you think

i'm like even if he did have a drinking problem why why on earth is he going to have like a, like a come to Jesus moment with you, Jason, after you and Janet have just come so hard for him?

Yeah, I think at this point it's pretty clear he has a drinking problem.

And I actually agree with Jason when he says, we all have a drinking problem.

It's the most on, I think he was trying to trick Danny into saying something, but

he kind of spoke for everybody because Jason gets drunk and acts like an idiot and yells at women all the time on this show.

We've seen it multiple times.

So he's not really off scot-free either.

That was my favorite thing when he said that.

I think we all have a drinking problem.

And how upset so many people got.

Like, what?

Especially Chris, like, what?

You're saying that I have a drinking problem?

Seriously?

Seriously?

I'm like, yes, Kristen, you have a fucking drinking problem.

And I can't wait till next year till you've dropped that baby and you can get back to being your normal self because the St.

Kristen thing is out of control at this point.

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So he's like, do you think you have a drinking problem?

Danny's like, oh, well, I haven't had a drink in a few weeks, which is a a problem

i can say that that's been rough and jason's like well everybody on this stage has issues with alcohol to be honest with you and they're like what and jax goes huh

jax is the most shocked he's like well why am i the only one getting shit so um yeah and kristen's all offended like he said and he goes and the fact that you won't admit that you have any issues with it so uh danny's like okay so do you have a drinking problem and he's like well it's a battle for me you know because if i'm gonna choose to drink it's something that every time i have to think about it but seriously you can't say everyone on this stage has a problem with alcohol what about nia don't say something bad about nia that's just like a bold-ass statement to make about everybody

so jason's like well i mean i guess i've never hung out with andy

and they all laugh it's like you know i just i don't want to get all worked up like i know i think they'll like like make this a thing because like you know they're good people like danny near are good people despite the fact that he's oh yeah they're good people when they're sober.

They're good people when they're sober.

Like they have a beautiful family.

They have a big, it's like, but you just call me a clown.

Clowns aren't beautiful.

How could you say such a thing?

And Jesse's like, yeah, you should apologize for calling him a clown.

I really like Jesse gaping.

And he's like, no, he's a clown.

I mean, look at the guy.

So Jason can't really make up his mind.

what he's trying to do today.

You know, he's a flip-flopper.

And so Danny's like, well, you're just name-calling now, clown?

You call me a clown?

Isn't that worse than calling somebody daddy?

I mean, really.

So, Jason's like, Okay, you're right, you're right, I shouldn't have called you a clown.

That was immature.

Uh, so Brittany's like, Wait, wait, I can say none of us think that you're like a bad person.

I just think it was these certain incidences that you acted just out of your character.

That's all, that's all.

All right, I'm bored.

Rumors about Jason ditching his wedding band was one ring toss game that Janet refused to play.

Janet loves Dave and Busters.

What a personality.

What a personality.

Jasmine, Jason thinks you made up the ring rumor.

How did you feel accused of this by someone you were such pals with?

So Jasmine's like, I was just hurt that the fact that you thought I would really like go out of my way to make up a rumor like about you like taking off your ring.

Like, first of all, that's the worst whack rumor I've ever heard in my life.

Like, are you kidding me?

Like, Like, that is so whack.

Like, on the scale of zero to whack, that is the most whack.

It's whack times five.

I mean, give me more respect.

If there was a mole, he would be whacked right now.

I'm telling you that.

He would win at David Westers because that was whack, whack.

That was, that was whack.

If I were to release a one-hit wonder song, no one believes that.

So, like, obviously, it's a whack rumor.

It was very whack.

It was 100% whack.

Return of the whack.

So Kristen's like, whack in the beanstalk.

What'd you say?

Whacking the beanstalk.

That was like whacking the beanstalk.

Like, throw your magic beans on the ground,

climb up a fucking rope.

Because I was whack.

I want my baby, whack, baby, whack, baby, whack, baby, whack.

Hey, don't talk about Hooter's competition in here.

It's too soon.

So Kristen's like, yeah, I could do way better than that.

So Jasmine's like, yeah, maybe it was my fault for speaking on it when I was in frustration, like with Janet.

But like, I didn't make that shit up.

And I didn't lie.

Okay.

I didn't lie.

So, okay.

Well, weeks after it was put to bed, you know, Janet, you went to get ring tattoos to debunk a rumor that you said you didn't care about.

I love that Andy hates Janet.

She's like, really does.

The way I'm just going through my cards of your quote unquote storyline and you were over something for three weeks and then got ring tattoos.

Well,

funny story.

It really, it was not necessarily to debunk.

It was like, once this is out, it just feels like a can of worms that you you just can't put it back.

I was like, you can literally put a can of worms back into a can.

Yeah, worms go back in cans.

Worms are like, they get in there.

It's the toothpaste that you have to have.

You can't put worms in a toothpaste tub.

You can't do that.

You can't do that.

You know, and I've been telling Jason, Jason has never had a tattooed before this.

And I wanted him to get one.

And I felt like kind of it was a fun excuse to like make light of it because like we, you know, make fun of ourselves in situations.

We're very relatable people that America should love.

And I've always kind of wanted a wedding band tattoo because that always works out well for people.

And I thought it was cool.

And so we just had a day of it.

That's all.

I wish they had showed us a clip of this scene because I love her rewriting this into, oh, yeah, you know, it was just a fun excuse to, you know, make light of it, just have fun.

Just a fun scene.

Me and Jason getting it.

It was hilarious.

Jason, you're sure you're getting this tattoo?

This means so much to me because I'm like so insecure about people.

I'll replay the scene.

This was not a fun light scene, Janet.

So, Zach, you said it was comical that Janet and Jason laughed off the ring broomer at the shark party.

God, I love that sentence.

But later made a big deal of it.

Why do you think they did that?

He's like, I mean, they were like, oh, I guess that's our storyline.

So that's what they did.

I mean, no storyline about Nespresso pods for them.

I have a really great Nespresso pod holder, by the way.

It's going to be featured heavily in season three.

Well, at first, I'm like laughing it off because I know this is not true, but it also made me realize our friendship is not getting to a better place.

So, like, that's not going to help us get to a peaceful place this summer.

And I was like, bummed about that.

And also, it was a joke and that, like, Jason and I have like a pretty calm boring marriage that, you know, and in that sense.

So, like, I really don't know why America hates us.

I mean, we're just two boring people, just doing boring things, you know, accusing people of sexual assault and playing games and, you know, trying to avoid that low-hanging hood in our kitchen.

That's it, really.

Just simple people.

The truest thing Janet has ever said on this show is Jason and I have a pretty calm, boring marriage.

So Kristen's like, oh, now you're relevant.

Now you're relevant.

You did it, Janet.

And how is she relevant by the

ring tattoos?

I don't understand that logic.

Well, you know, Kristen, do you, do you owe Kristen an apology for making you relevant?

Good, Kristen.

Janet's like, no, I mean, this is out there publicly.

People are going to be questioning his character.

you have to own up to that you have to own up to that i mean even the the the

drug addicted sex assaulter next to you probably agrees with that reputation is very very important

People don't care.

The only people who perpetuated it all summer long was you two.

And

yeah, Luke's like, yeah, no one talked about this.

I mean, I don't mean this in an asshole way, but it's literally, you're not important for fans to care that much about, okay?

But after the shark party, when you both left and I looked right at you and I said, I was just being an asshole.

You hurt my friends.

I came after you.

I said it to your face.

Jason, you can roll your eyes.

I'm being honest.

Cook off.

Yeah, because Jason's activated over there.

Everything, Jason is so pissed off at this point.

He's just rolling his eyes and like grabbing Janet's hand and then ungrabbing her hand, ungrabbing it, and then grabbing it and ungrabbing it and just like shifting around on the couch because they're losing this so bad.

And I love the, you're not important enough to care.

It's like a very stasi, you know, a very Lisa to stasi line.

Like, you're not important enough to hate.

So Jason's like, oh, we hurt your friends.

What are you talking about?

We hurt your friends.

And Danny's like, what are you talking about?

You forgot the whole storyline.

Come on.

He goes, oh, yeah, we're not going to get into that.

Well, you're asking.

That's what she's talking about.

So Janet is like, oh, of course the ass scrapper's laughing.

Of course he is.

Of course he is.

That's what ass grabbing people do.

Of course.

They laugh.

They're just laughers.

Laughing and laughing and laughing.

I told you to your face, I was just trying to be a bitch.

I mean, come on.

And so Jason's like, why are we not allowed to be mad about you being a bitch?

Which is a fair point.

So Kristen's like, it's not that you're not allowed to be mad, but you guys would not shut the fuck up about it the whole summer.

Yeah, I mean, their point is nobody cared about the ring thing.

It was like a stupid thing Kristen said when she was mad.

And the only reason it became a thing is because Janet.

made it into a storyline.

Because at first, Janet just laughed it off like, well, everyone knows that's not true, Kristen, which was actually a very smart move.

And it deflated Kristen's whole thing.

I mean, even we, even us watching the show, we were like, yeah, that was lame by Kristen.

Cause they, they had like a three-week thing where they were like, Kristen is going to say this thing.

And she finally said it.

And we're like,

like, that's stupid.

You know, and Janet laughed it off.

And it was like, well played.

You know, that was a well-played, she got out of me, which is rare to get something out of me from for Janet.

But she got that out of me.

And then she just decided, well, I guess we need something to do.

Let's be pissed off about this thing.

And they just have egg on their face.

Yeah, well, Jason's saying that actually, really who he was more upset at with was Jasmine over the whole thing because, you know, her being the source, that, you know, they had a great relationship.

So that's why they got mad because it was Jasmine.

And Kristen's like, but you guys say I make sure.

She goes, well, I don't know.

I mean, I know, but we weren't going after you.

Like during the whole season, we weren't going after you.

And she's like, oh, I watched the show, Jason.

I watched it.

He's like, so did I.

Kristen's like, you call me a liar.

You said my reputation and shit like that.

I do not have a reputation of making things up or being a liar.

I'm like, well, Kristen, I mean,

I don't know so much about that one.

I think.

Your whole first season was about lying about fucking Jacks.

Like,

your whole beginning of this show is about you lying.

So, do you remember why you were fired from being a girl?

I remember a girl who was like, you got to have faith, faith, faith.

Oh, you've got to have faith, faith, faith.

sanctimonious Kristen.

Like, I love that.

She's like, I am known for being truthful.

I am known for finding shit out.

She's like a passion of

the truth out there.

Well, Kristen is Detective Doty.

You know, I guess that would be, that's what she's referring to is like her reputation as Detective Doty and like bringing Miami girl in town, you know, shit like that.

I like, I like, but also, yeah, never mind.

I was just, you know, Kristen, I just, I love how annoyed she is in this episode.

So she's like, yeah, I have a reputation for uncovering the truth and not exaggerating.

Everyone knows that I never exaggerate.

Everyone, from the most random person in the middle of Nebraska to all the people at the G4 Summit, they all know I do not exaggerate.

Unborn babies know.

If you asked nine out of ten bunny rabbits, they would tell you, I'm not known for exaggerating.

I was watching Alien Earth and all those xenomorphs arrived and they said, guess what?

We're here to find Kristen Doty because we hear she does not exaggerate.

So Ambi is skeptical and he's like, oh, is that your reputation?

She's like, yes, uncovering the truth and inserting myself in places that are none of my business.

Not being a liar, not exaggerating, not my reputation.

Okay, well, Jasmine, at the beach, you screamed at Janet saying she was a shit-ass friend, she's a vibe killer, and she gives Karen energy.

What did Janet do that made you so mad?

Other than being a shit-ass friend, being a vibe killer, and giving Karen energy?

I mean, you just listed three pretty good ones.

Yeah,

yeah, that feels good.

How many more do I need?

She's like, um, well, I wanted to talk to Jason, and as I'm talking to Jason, Janet is just spitting at me.

She's like, you're a snake, you're a liar, you're whack.

And Jason's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that didn't happen.

And she, you know, she goes, snake.

You go, snake.

You said snake it's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa jan's like um if they had that footage they should roll it because i do not remember saying that no you did you said you're a whack snake and janet you were just like crossing your arms in this whack way and you were just like snake liar whack whack snake whack liar and you were just standing there and you were like this snake liar snake snake liar yeah you were like you know what if you were chips i would order some wack-a-mole because that's how whack of a snake you are.

Okay.

You said it, Janet.

I remember.

And when she said that, I was like, no, she didn't.

I I mean, Jasmine is notoriously terrible at this.

And she's also a horrible flip-flopper.

Like Jasmine, not Janet, Jasmine.

Jasmine's story changes all the time.

She flip-flops on people constantly.

She's anti-one person to Janet and then totally going and acting like she's been on that person's side the whole time.

I mean, Jasmine, she's bad at this game.

And she's full of shit too, or she just remembers things completely wrong.

But yeah, even

this part i have to stick up for janet because wow this is not true that was just yeah i mean janet was interrupting and getting in the way but she was not the one saying snake it was actually jason and they should the answer should have been i'm trying to talk to my friend jason and you kept interjecting with your little karen

and i'm not trying to talk to you and i lost my temper at you that's yeah what happened but instead she's like and you sat there and crossed your arms and called me a snake over and over it's like no oh it didn't yes don't make me stand up for janet That's the worst thing you could have done, Jasmine.

Now I'm just disappointed.

So we see the flashback.

You're giving Karen energy.

And

Jasmine's like, anyway, you wouldn't let me speak in that moment.

And I was just like, let me speak to Jason.

Explain to him the situation, this wax situation.

All right, Jason, were you surprised to see Jasmine get upset like that?

And he's like, I mean, I think my face in that scene showed I was shocked by that.

Remember how I cried?

That was really great, right?

Do you feel like,

by the way, Jasmine, do do you feel like you were manipulated at all?

This is a lawyer, Jason, about to make a very good point.

And she's like, um,

manipulated was like, yeah, did you feel manipulated by somebody?

She's she probably feels manipulated right now.

You're literally trying to manipulate her right now to saying she feels manipulated, sir.

She's like, um, and Zach's, by who?

Me?

Is it me?

Did I do manipulation?

And Luke is like, Kristen, just wait your turn.

Be quiet.

She's like, Did you just tell me to shush?

I told you.

That was so funny.

Just stop it, babe.

Stop it.

So Jasmine's like, I don't think I was manipulated.

Are you sure?

Are you sure you didn't feel manipulated, Jason?

Okay, I don't know a lot about Jason, except I hate him on this show.

And B, he's probably a terrible lawyer because he's just, he's so ham-fisted with this.

This is, this is hard to watch.

She's like, no, I haven't been manipulated.

Nope.

Show me on the doll where you're manipulated.

Andy's like, you're taking Kristen, Kristen Doty over there manipulated someone?

Jason's like, I watched the show.

You know, it looked to me like Kristen doesn't like Janet.

So she's talking to people and she's taking people, she's talking to people and saying, this is Janet.

This is Janet.

This is Janet.

And Janet was the scapegoat for everyone.

I mean, look, you can't even accuse someone of sexual assault anymore.

I mean, this is scapegoat behavior right now.

And Kristen's like, what show did you watch?

Daniel's like, I know.

Well, you watched as her husband.

That's the show she watched okay and kristen's like i swear to god what the were you watching yo what were you watching janet is literally behind everything on this season people the only reason people talked about janet is because she was spreading shit all season and actually for the first portion of the season, Janet was fairly out of harm's way.

I mean, she entered the season with a beef with Zach, with a beef with Kristen.

She settled things with Zach and didn't quite settle things with Kristen.

And it really went sour for her when at that one dinner at Brittany's house where Janet said to Nia, hey,

if you're having, if Danny is seeing babies on the ceiling, I have someone that you could talk to about that.

And then all of a sudden, like World War III broke out.

But I don't think that Kristen was manipulating.

I think Kristen was just reacting to what she felt was an unfair characterization of Danny.

Whether it was or not, that's a whole other issue.

And who cares?

But like, you know, I don't think that Kristen was, I don't think Kristen has manipulation in her.

She may try, but I think everyone would see it coming 10 miles away.

Like she'd be like, hey.

Yeah, she's not.

You know what I heard?

You know, I heard you should hate Janet.

Okay, start.

Like, that would be her manipulation.

Yeah.

So

Andy asks Jasmine where her relationship with Janet stands.

So she's like, oh, listen, look, you know, I've been friends with her like for so long, like me and Janet, like we're so tight.

Like we've been friends forever, you know, and it's like with siblings, you know, we're like family because like, you know, when you fight with your family, like how it's like rack.

So we do that.

But like, you know, like, it's what we do.

Like, I fight with Zach all the fucking time.

But like, you know, I was, there was, it was never like a, I hate Janet kind of thing, you know, like that kind of thing.

It was just like, you're a bitch and you're a Karen, you know, like it's different.

But like, there's like layers of stuff because like, you know, like our friendship hasn't been the same.

Like we just don't talk, you know, like, and it hurts, but like, I mean, I don't hate you.

I don't, like, I mean, but like, there's like love there, you know, like Melissa made a good point.

She was like, you guys are crying.

And like, I was crying in my house and she was crying in her house.

And Melissa was like, oh, my God, that means you love each other because you're both crying.

You know, so like, maybe that's good.

Is that love, really?

When you're in a friendship where you've both made each other cry multiple times and you're sitting in your ball pit, I don't think so.

Sitting in your home baby ball pit.

I don't think that's better than a friendship.

Maybe evidence of like a brain injury after bunking that low-hanging hood in your kitchen.

So Kristen's like, well, there is love, but there's also shit talking, Jasmine.

Come on, we have a group talk where you talk, where you shit talk.

You do it.

She's like, no, I get that.

I get that.

And, you know, I get upset with her.

And there's things that we need to talk about, like, you know, all the whack stuff she's done.

And Kristen's like, so like, you have to be fair about that.

Still be angry at her.

Stop being nice.

It is kind of funny.

Here she is again, Jasmine refusing to say what she's saying in the group chat to Janet's face.

She lost, she got pissed off at the beach and she called her the Karen and all of of that.

But other than that, she won't stand up to her.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, because maybe she is trying to salvage it, and maybe she doesn't want to rehash that because maybe the things that she wrote, she was angry about, or maybe Jasmine herself is two-faced.

Um, and that's what's my opinion.

Could be all of the above, quite frankly, especially.

I mean, at least say it out loud.

If Kristen's literally telling you on the stage, I mean, you say this and that about Janet, just be honest.

And she's like, oh, no, no, but you know, like, ultimately, I love her.

Well, what was it?

What are you saying, flip-flopper?

Take a step.

Well, to be fair, all these people are terrible friends to each other.

I mean, let's not forget this is an outgrowth of Vanderprim Bruce, the lazy Susan of Awfulness, where they all were duplicitous about each other and they all got into savage, vicious fights, and then they become friends again like the next season.

True, and I'm calling them out each individually as their turn comes up.

Right now, it's Jasmine's turn.

Right now, it's Jasmine's turn to be called a fucking flip-floppa.

Take a stand, that's a flat flop.

Flip-floppa.

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Jasmine's like, it was just like a, it was just like a buildup of whack things, that's all.

And Kristen's like, but you said Janice stopped acting like herself.

She's like, yes.

So Jason's like, no, don't say that.

That's not true.

And she goes, well, and I let a lot of whack things brush under the whack rug.

I mean, I had the whackest rug of all time, and I still was able to fit more whack things under it because I was brushing so hard with a very whack brush, I'd like to add.

Yeah.

And Jasmine's like, I mean, I should have talked to you, but like, I I didn't talk to you because like, I, you know, at the time, I just felt like, what's the point?

You know, because I had a group chat.

So

Andy's like, okay, well, who here thinks Janet is a Karen?

And I swear to you, everyone in my house raised their hand.

I mean, it was just me and Bueller, but still, that was, that was.

How did they?

No one raised their hand.

I was shocked.

And Chris is like, well, she said Karen Energy.

She didn't say she is a Karen because as we all know, her name is Janet.

So you really can't call someone a Karen if they're not really named Karen, right?

Is that

Janet's like, go ahead, raise your hand.

I'm on the, I'm on hold with the police right now.

I'm on hold with the police.

I like to call the manager of this reunion.

Okay.

I do not like the way I like the way I'm being treated.

So Jasmine says, I didn't call her Karen.

It was just, it was just the energy she was giving.

And I think like it was a lot more of like, just like exhausted of you, like the whole, like, Zach stuff and like the Kristen and like just hearing things.

And it just, maybe you, maybe like it would have like maybe come back to you and been like, hey, this is how I feel and I didn't and like I just I don't know.

I don't even know what I'm really saying.

I think I'm just at this point taking random phrases and mashing them together into like a little monologue.

I don't know

Well, it's clear that you all care about each other clear to who I'm not really sure, but it's on my cards.

So that's what I'm saying.

He says when he wants to move on, he's like, let me put a bow on this.

You guys are nowhere close to resolution, but I'm going to force, I'm going to sort of announce a resolution.

You guys care about each other.

Okay, I'm bored moving on.

Janice's like, yeah i mean i i don't hate you guys hold on let me let me try to cry let me get some jack's tears

like i don't hate you guys because like you're the friends that would come over in like sweatpants and like play games and cook like you guys would watch me microwave corn tortillas with cheese and cream while we played monopoly all the time you know and i really miss you guys i really miss you saying is this supposed to be a chip because it's soggy and then me having to explain to you

what it really was

yeah and the relationship it's just it's not like how it used to be it's just more like before it was like crack and now it's like whack and like let's just keep that real like a hundred like you know like maybe like one day i don't know i i don't know station's like i would hope so and i think we all feel that way so you know and he's like okay back to drug addiction okay after a 30-day stint in whatever we're calling it probably a mcdonald's drive-through jax left at the um mental health treatment facility with a big mac and a large coke zero and seemed intent on picking up right where he left off holding a 99 cent supersized french fry okay matt jacks the night before you returned home some of your friends rebranded your bar brit's bar you were upset right well i mean like it's not in england so

I mean who wouldn't be upset I mean we're in in America.

I understand why they did it.

But, like, taking my signs and throwing in the garbage was a little much, you know?

I'm like, yeah, you know, it's a little much throwing a coffee table at your wife and bar stools too, et cetera.

And then throwing a picture of her and her dad out in the trash.

And Nia's like, ah, it's a different situation.

It's like, but that wasn't my party or your or your party.

It's like, no, it was Brit's bar.

And it was whenever me and Jasmine went to talk to Schwartz.

And I was telling them everything you had just done.

It wasn't Britsmorrow I meant to site.

Jack's like,

I wasn't there for that.

No, you weren't there for any of it.

Oh, stupid Jax.

He's like, yeah, I don't remember.

I wasn't there.

I missed that day.

Yeah, Jax, you were in rehab, dummy.

So

Jax is like, yeah, you know, like, it was just like, it was like really hurtful.

It was just like, it was just really hurtful, you know.

Poor Jax.

Why are we hurting Jax?

Andy's like, Jax, you know, they were just trying to prop her up.

That's what cocaine is for, Andy.

No, it's fine.

I understand.

I understand.

It was all very positive, Jaj.

It was very, very positive.

I understand it was so hurtful.

It was very hurtful.

Kristen's like, the bar never got to be about her.

And she worked so hard, and she put money into it.

More than you.

I put more money into it than you.

That's for sure.

You know what?

Even when you were in rehab, I was keeping that place afloat.

So Andy's like, Zach, um, you're still here, right?

Are you allowed into Jax's bar?

And Jax is, no.

And Zach's like, um, it's really funny that Jax has such this animosity towards just me and can forgive everybody else.

But like, what I want to say is, I used to be the biggest Jax apologist.

I was there every single time when like she was broken down, Brittany was broken down, and I had to pick her up, or when he would break down, and I would hold him while he cried, and for him to turn so hard on her and me just out of nowhere is like so rude.

I need a painting in my home of Zach cradling Jax as he cries.

Jeez.

I need that vision.

And Jax is like, I mean, it's the stuff you say on social media, you know?

Like, what do you want me to do about it?

What am I supposed to do?

And then we see a screenshot of Zach's post.

Ruttle me thus.

How's it possible you come out of rehab a worse person than when you went in?

That was a good one.

That was a good one, you guys.

Again, Jax is more upset about a stupid tweet than he is about his own behavior, it seems like.

So Zach is like, um, okay, y'all, like, the things I say on social media, excuse me, are literally not even remotely close to what I would say about you, like right now to your face if Auntie ever asked me a question, which he doesn't.

Zach.

Zach's like, I could have been worse, like I am to your face.

So that's like being nice on social media.

I can't believe he won't talk to me.

Jack's like, I don't care.

You're nobody to me.

You're nobody.

It's like, well, actually, I miss our friendship.

I just want you to be a better person.

It's like, I don't really care what you want.

And you and you want to prove that you don't have this control issue, that you can make it better, then work on it with people that are in our,

that are in our life, in her life, okay?

He's like, no, I agree.

I agree.

I agree.

It's like, no.

Jax hates Zach.

Mainly, I do believe some of it is, is, or a large part of it, is because Zach is gay.

I will say that.

I pick up so much, so much homophobic, like the dismissiveness to Zach, I think, is to me, I'm getting homophobic vibes.

I really do.

And not that Zach is like a saint over there, but Jax treats Zach differently than everyone else.

So I am like, fuck Jax on a whole nother level.

It's just amazing how many levels that we can say fuck Jax about.

So Andy is like.

Well, Zach's also standing up.

And I'm not even saying that's wrong.

I mean, obviously, you know, I think think I would agree with that, but Jax is all, you've got Zach standing up for Britney all the time.

So that's enough, you know?

Jax is like, fuck that guy.

Yeah, but with other people who stand up for Britney, Jax pretends, like, at least pretends to be like, no, no, I get it.

I get it.

No, she deserves everything in the world.

No, no, I was bad.

I was a bad, bad, bad husband.

Like, you're right.

You had to defend her because she was in a terrible place.

He comes up all his bullshit.

But then when Zach, he's like, I don't care about you.

You're no one to me.

There's just kind of like this, like, maybe I'm projecting onto it, but I, I've definitely get like high school bully, like, beaten down on the gay kid.

So, yeah, Andy is like, Hey, is Frank Dramon allowed in your bar?

And they're like, Ha ha ha.

Jack's like, Who?

And Zach, Have you even seen any of the episodes?

Did you know?

Did you know we talked about it on the show?

We talked about it on the show.

Yeah, he doesn't even watch the show.

He doesn't got it.

He doesn't got it.

Yeah, we've all seen the show.

Well, he hadn't, he's the only person here who hadn't watched the show, so he doesn't know what we're talking about.

And he's like, oh, oh, my burner account?

Yeah, is that what you mean?

Yeah, that.

And Andy's like, who's Frank Dremond?

And he's like, Frank Dreman from The Naked Gun.

And he's like, okay, and who is Frank Dreman?

And Jax is like, it's my burner account.

And by the way, this drove me nuts.

I was really glad that Seth Rogan called this out, although I think we called it out too.

And especially, I'm sure all of America called it out now because the naked gun is literally back in theaters but um it's frank treban you idiot you didn't even get your burner name right i love the naked treban he's like you never even see the naked gun come on bro

have you seen the naked gun jax

i hate that naked gun is one of my favorite movies of all time and i hate that jax is even putting his paws on it in a finsta account Yeah, well,

listen to some of these tweets.

Legend, Jax is on the show.

What man wouldn't feel that way about himself?

He's a legend.

That was hilarious.

And then you DM'd me on accident from the account.

So it was like proof that it was yours.

I mean, you are so dumb.

Janet's like, I mean, come on.

Don't you know if you have a burner?

Like, you just look, right?

And he's like, are you still commenting as Frank Dremon?

It's like, nah, nah, I haven't used that account.

I mean, but it's Dremon.

It's Dreman.

You know, it's Leslie Nielsen with the naked gun.

And

Andy's like, oh my God.

Janet's like, don't butcher his burner name.

They're just shitting on him.

Okay, Jax.

And Janet makes a comment.

Janet makes a comment.

She's like, well, come on, Jax.

You should know if it's your burner account, you just read.

You don't comment.

Okay.

Wait, no, isn't a burner account the point that you comment with it?

Because you can't comment under your real name.

Yeah, she's saying if you don't want to get caught, you just read.

So then

we see a flashback of his eBay listings of selling Britney's Jenny Craig bags, which is so sad.

And

it's sadder than it seemed.

And Jax is like, well, you know, I sell a bunch of stuff on eBay.

You know, I sell a bunch of stuff.

I mean, you can see for the bunion of my toe, like, I worked very hard at it in that picture because you see the Jenny Craig bag and then his bunion next to it.

His, the telltale bunion.

It could have been Ashley Darby.

So

Andy is like, all right, Kristen, Jax decided to come to Benji's welcome home party, even though he wasn't invited.

Yeah, pulled a doty, right?

Everyone knows.

All right, show up places uninvited.

Everyone knows this.

So Andy's like, well, you had a conversation with Zach where you said it was your show.

And we see that amazing scene where Jack says it's my show.

And Zach is like, not for the last 30 days.

It wasn't, bitch.

I mean, wasn't telling Lisa Vanderpump that Vanderpump Rules was your show in season eight kind of the beginning of the end for you?

He's like, yeah, probably, whatever.

So we see that.

And then Andy's like, okay, raise your hand if Jax has referred to this show as his show.

And they're all raising their hands.

And it's like, yeah, we're just all lucky to be here, really.

We are all, we are, we're just, we're just, we're just lucky.

Well, it's true.

I mean, none of this would have happened if I didn't start this up.

And Andy's like, is this Jax show, everybody?

And everyone's like, no.

I'm like, like,

hey, was gone for 30 days and nobody missed him.

And Danny's like, well, you said you fired everyone from Shashin 1 because you didn't like the edit.

And then they just, they're just all laughing in Jax's face.

Yeah.

So then, historically speaking, it's very difficult to surprise Kristen Dodie.

So how'd you do it, guys?

I mean, when did you know, Luke, that Kristen was the one?

And he's like,

well, it was a road trip and like we had 5,000 miles in the car with dogs and it was like hellish.

and like, you know, we were great, you know, like we agreed on the same books on tape from the cracker barrel that we just ended up, you know, leaving at 7-Elevens all over the country and ended up getting charged $75 each.

God, it's really expensive for a book on tape.

Did you know most cars don't come with tape recorders or tape players anymore?

That was pretty disappointing.

God, really wanted to know.

Next Danielle Steele had to say.

All right.

And you had not watched Vanderbilt Rules, right?

It's like, no, I mean, for the podcast, we recapped season one.

And other than that,

no.

Yeah, they were already together at that point.

And thanks for the color commentary, Brittany.

Kristen's like, yeah, he was like, I can't do this anymore.

And Andy's like, yeah, I bet.

Because we all saw you.

Yeah, I bet.

I like that Luke is a typical husband of a Bravo watcher.

He's like, okay, yeah, sure, I'll watch Vanderpump Rules.

And no, I will not watch any of this anymore.

I'm done.

Do you want to get a fucking divorce?

Hello there.

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This is the end of part one.

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Just come back a little later for part two.

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