#2960 RHOM S7E9 Part 1: Preppy Le Pieu

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Hello and welcome to Watch... Watch what crap ends.
Oh, I mean, watch what crap. Hi, everybody.
I've still got one wonky eye, but you know what? Who cares? It's less wonky than it has been. So it's like, bring it out today.
Bring it out. I'm sick of wearing the glasses.
It looks great. I mean, I'm very happy.
You are no longer a star of the James Bond film, Stye Another Day. Tomorrow never styes.
I'm back to pussy galore. Golden stye.
No, your stye is gone. And your recovery has been so rapid.
Now, finally, I feel like you're there. You're there.
Your eyelids, your fresh new eyelids can finally be spectacular. They're close.
But you know what? It's been a month in glasses. That's crazy.
I didn't know it was going to be all that. But anyway, here we are.
That's enough eyelid talk. Everybody, welcome to Watch What Problems.
It's a very special day today because Stephanie brags about her playing a lot. You know what we should do? You know what I'm going to start doing while you do the intro i'm going to start googling stephanie's ass okay stephanie show jaw e okay ben go ahead i'm writing okay bankruptcy okay you're going to look that up in the meantime i'm going to tell everyone that they should come join us on patreon where we have a wonderful fan community that is there.
We also have some great content. We have bonus content.
This week's bonus episode, we caught up on some pop culture. We talked about Project Runway, Naked Gun, Big Brother.
Ronnie let us in on some of the perils of planning a baby shower. Things like that.
Like lots of very fun things. So come join us.
There's also a video component. If you support on the Crappens on Demand level, you can watch the show.
You don't just have to listen to it so you can see Ronnie's beautiful eyes. And all those Crappens on Demand episodes are released for free on our YouTube channel a week later.
But we know that you guys all want your fresh content. So to get it fresh and on video, it's there on Patreon.
And there's also a fabulous Discord community. And shout out to everyone over there.
So that's Patreon. And then this coming Monday, we have Crappy Hour coming up.
That's going to be at five 30 Pacific eight 30 Eastern.

And what we're going to be doing going forward is alternating between crappy hour one week and Amazon live the following week for the,

for at least for the next like two months or so.

So that is the plan Stan.

And today we are talking real housewives of Miami,

which is just always fabulous. Every single time we watch it.
Did you look up anything? What'd you find? What'd you find? I found Stephanie Shoji and her husband Masood were forced to sell their 12,000 square foot home, Morris style, after failing to repay an $8 million mortgage loan on time. they didn't pay the entirety of the $8 million they borrowed.
And the bank filed a foreclosure on January 6th. What a date.
God, what a date. That's an asshole date to lose staff, January 6th.
And they filed foreclosure and they sold it on the 17th. And yeah, that's pretty much it.

I just wanted to look up that because I'd heard some, you know, there's like all these rumblings about Stephanie and her kind of lying ways.

So I haven't gone too far into that because I'm waiting for it to come out on the show. You know, sometimes I spoil myself too much by reading too much gossip.

And then it happens on the show and I'm like, whatever, that's no big deal.

They lost everything.

We saw it coming.

I want to see it coming. I want to see it happen on the show.
So, you know that's no big deal they lost everything we saw it coming i don't want to see it coming i want to see it happen on the show so you know i'm trying to like avoid spoilers but she bragged about her plane so much i had to look it up so there you go yeah yeah i mean like at this point we are seasoned real housewives viewers we can sense financial issues a mile away when someone comes in looking like a minion in chanel you know there are some mortgage issues there are lawsuits there are debts there are bankruptcies hiding behind those pearl necklaces yeah and you know it's it's also got us attuned to feeling rich when we're not because like you get so snotty watching housewives about silly things you have no business being snotty about like stephanie whips out her first scene is pulling out she's like with an assistant or something and she pulls out a lady to your purse and it says fifty nine hundred dollars and i was like oh that is so sad because my other friend has one that's ninety five thousand dollars i thought the same thing embarrassed for you. Meanwhile, I have a hole in my big toe

on my sock. I was literally, I had my foot up on the ottoman.
I was like, you're judging this woman while your big toe is coming out of your sock, sir. Yeah.
I had the exact same reaction. I basically am a victim to bag inflation because of this network, because last week, Nicole pulled out that $95,000 Hermes

bag, I think, and

we were like, oh my god, that's crazy.

$95,000. inflation because of this network because last week nicole pulled out that 95 000 hermes bag i think and uh we're like oh my god that's crazy 95 000 for a bag but now i'm like 5 900 for a bag what is it is that like did you get it at cvs i'm like i'm totally become a snob about something i never would buy it any time.
Yeah, exactly. So she does that.
And then Julia and Marisol meet up at a restaurant. And Julia almost knocks something over while she's hugging her.
And she's like, oh, look what I did. Water.
Water. Me and water.
You know, look at that. I almost knocked over the water again.
Me and my hilarious water.

That's what I do.

And then Adriana, she

arrives at a dog facility

and it's called DOG,

which as we all know

stands for Department of Government.

And then it was actually so efficient, they actually

got rid of the E.

But no, it's actually in this case...

It's glorious.

Yeah, it would be

funny if she showed up at DOGE.'s like i'm here to work i'm here to fire people but it's actually there are too many people in the democratic organization of gardeners i'm gonna get rid of it i'm here to fire npr okay um no, but she's actually at a place, I guess where dogs can mate. And so this was one of the funniest scenes I've ever seen on the house.
I loved it. I died laughing.
Cause I, I thought she was going to a dog groomer. No, it was not.
It was a whorehouse for dogs. So she's telling her dog, are you lucky for your date? Are you ready for your date? You're going to get lucky today.
So she tells us, I've sculpted all the parks in Miami. We've been looking high and low.
We can't find a bitch. I'm going to find the right bitch for you.
Don't you worry. Because here I am.
I find a place that brings dogs together to have one trip in paradise before he gets clip clip. He's like, no, no clip clip.
So he's going to get it out because her dog is a sex addict. Yes.
The dog has trouble. That dog loves sex.
What's the name of the dog again? Why can't I remember it? I don't know. I don't really pay attention to little fluffy, snotty dogs like that.
Because it is a French poodle, right? It's a white French poodle, correct? It's a floofy. It looks like, I don't know.
It's like a, aren't French poodles bigger? Um, maybe a toy, a toy poodle. A French toy poodle.
French toy poodle. It's a toy.
Would it be a French toy poodle or a toy French poodle? Samuel French poodle? I don't know, but she brought. It knows all the scripts for all the play scripts for everything.
You have to like go through that poodle and get the rights before you put on. It's a poodle that can quote Glengarry Glen Ross.
It's very withholding about rights if you want to put on a production at your school. So the poodle is there.
She brought the poodle on to watch what happens live. And I didn't watch the episode, but I watched clips.
And what I liked was that the poodle was just kind of like freely roaming around that set. And I famously really dislike poodles.
I find that they are very hyperactive in a way that does not work with what i like in my personal space so i generally dislike all poodles and i dislike all poodle mixes no matter how cute they are there's like one or two exceptions that i will be okay with but like generally speaking when i see poodle i get not only do i not like poodles, I think I even like poodles even less because inevitably the poodle owners always say, and I know some of you in our suite audience are saying this right now, but they're so smart. And as I always say, I'm not commissioning this poodle to build me a wing on my house.
I'm not looking for this poodle to develop a new vaccine. I don't need, I don't need a dog to be smart.
It's weird. Cause I had a Jack Russell before Bueller.
I had a Jack Russell named Xena for 16 years, loved this dog. That was my first like dog to have as an adult.
And this dog was really smart. You know, she was a great dog, but everywhere we went, people were like, Oh, a Jack Russell.
And then they would start testing her. They would be like, oh my God, do this, do that, sit down, roll over.
What can your dog do? And I was like, why does the dog have to do anything? It poops outside. That's really all I require.
Honestly, all I require is potty training and giving me love. That's all I need from a dog.
But these people are like, does your dog know calculus? Because that is a Jack Russell. And they are very, very smart.
And now I have Bueller and he's just like, you know, a half pit bull, half chihuahua. He looks all Frankenstein.
He's all weird looking. And people don't expect shit from Bueller.
And it is like a vacation going around people. They're like, well, the dog didn't take my wallet so you've got a good dog you know yeah i feel like all my friends who have quote-unquote smart dogs what they wind up doing is having to hide food from the dogs the entire entire time it's about like latching cabinets closed i'm like that's not an asset to me i don't want i want my animals to be on the dumb side.
I want them to be low energy. What are you doing on my Bank of America account? Get the hell out of there.
Yes. So that's my preamble to say that usually when I see a poodle, I'm just like, but this poodle was cracking me up.
Like, honestly. I like poodles in general.
It's just like the floofy dogs that people are like oh my god it's so cute it's like over groomed it has bows in the hair i don't like that stuff yeah and that's what this one is like well that's what i'm saying is that like this dog is like this and so i'm like oh this dog but i was cracking up at this dog because it is so foofy but ultimately you, you are reminded that it is, at the end of the day, despite all its bows and little cute sweaters and grooming, it's still a dog. And it is ready to fuck.
Just the idea. I mean, who even thinks of that? Like, I'm getting my dog snipped so he's not going to get laid properly.
So I'm going to take him. And then someone else is like, like i'm taking my dog i'm going to take my female dog there to get fucked by some stranger what an odd business i mean i get it for breeding if you want to like breed or whatever no offense straight people but you know a dog a dog yeah but you know people you know people love doing this stuff i'm still trying to look up the dog's name i i for the life of me i can't figure it out i'm i find all sorts of photos of adriana's dog but it is it is just i cannot find the name of it it's driving me absolutely bunkers and now who's the dumb dog me so the perfect person to join for this scene is um lisa i don't know why it just makes sense sense for Lisa because she always had those parties with Lenny in Miami like especially the Halloween parties I think that's where he met Katrina or whatever the lady he ran off with um so that that was kind of like a key party right it's like a bunch of Instagram and OnlyFans models and stuff would go and just like fuck rich guys at these parties from what we heard and so it's funny funny that Adriana brings Lisa.
She's like, nah, she's a swinger. She gets it.
She gets it. You know, this is where we brought Lenny before he left Lisa.
Lenny had his many rodeos, final rodeos here. The dog's name is Basquiat.
Duh. Of course his name is Basquiat.
Of course. That dog is too groomed to be named Basquiat.
Basquiat was just messy. You know, it was all about mess.
You can't just have this floofy little dog with bows in his hair. Yeah, like, if anything, he needs to have, like, a little crown.
Isn't that, like, Basquiat's thing? Like, the little, the little crown, as evidenced by me, sticking my fingers on my head as if that shit looks like a crown um but uh i basically made a i made myself like a little buffalo um so they go so basquiat and uh basquiat's last lady go to this back area to have have a nice moment and um you know uh it's basquiat and honey these this is the these are the lovebirds and adriana is making like conversation with the mom and everything and then we see a montage adriana says that basquette's favorite type are human legs and we see a montage of basquette humping so many legs and again it is so funny because it's this like it's this coiffopped groomed like super like foofy dog be like

on everyone's legs and it keeps going it's great i was it was hilarious and and adran is like i hope he doesn't get catfished i missed that i missed It's so funny.

It's so funny.

And then the moms there of Honey, who is the lady that Basquiat is banging. And so they're making small talk.
Like, how old is Basquiat? He's three and Honey is one. I'm like, Honey is one? What kind of parenting are we doing in this country when you're taking your one-year-old? I mean, I know that that's longer year but even dog years are seven years what are we doing here people what is this what is the standard time uh standard what is the standard time uh that people uh normally neuter or neuter their dogs is it in like within their first year is it three like adriana is saying that this is like three years in basquette's three years old i always thought it was a little earlier i thought it's very early yeah you do it yeah i mean i guess you can do it whenever you want but um yeah generally you do it early i've gotten my dogs always done fairly soon after i get them i think um one time was so scary because i couldn't i didn't have money to go get it done proper so they have like a low income trailer basically it was in it was in like the deep valley and it was in the parking lot of the big lots and I had to go at seven in the morning and just leave Xena in there and I was waiting outside like this isn't right this isn't right but it was 20 bucks and you know She never humped anyone's leg jesus i guess it was cheaper than taking her to get laid in a dog brothel in the dog brothel so why do we need an hour to talk about this one scene like nothing really even happened in the scene but it was so cute and funny we'll just stay here all day talking about different dog things.
Okay, so they hook up and romantic music plays

when the dogs see each other and uh honey and bosquiat do the deed and they get pictures just like a nice video of it larsa's gonna be jealous that this dog is like getting its own only fans promo because larsa's never really gotten to do that we've never seen larsa do like a foot shoot or whatever yeah yeah i just was so happy for basquiat because when basquiat was done doing his deed um basquiat and honey came out of the hideaway and the rest of the people in the villa the rest of the dogs just like clapped their paws together and then like basquiat went off with the boys and honey went off with the girls and they talked about what happened and uh then later on they played did a challenge where they had to like transfer ketchup from one mouth to another and then at the recoupling what was shocking to me was how basquette dropped honey and she had to be kicked off the island i was it was a terrible oh my god and the worst is right before she before she got kicked off, she fell asleep with the other girl dogs

and they put her paw in hot water

and she peed herself.

And then she got kicked off the island.

It was awkward.

Yeah.

And then Jiggy was like,

wait, so she got to go to DOG?

Great.

My dream date.

Great.

Thanks.

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So there's a preppy party. Marisol is having a preppy party and they're talking about what to wear.
And Lisa's like, I hate themes. I hate themes.
Unless they're like lady who gets money to do bad things in Grand Theft Auto. That's a theme I can get behind.
What is preppy? Yeah, what is preppy? So Adriana's like, well, I, you know, like I didn't feel invited. You know know, I felt Marisol sent out to, she sent out the group chat, and like, she never reached out to me, and nevertheless, I'm going to go because, you know, cameras, because the whole boat thing, and I kind of regret it.
And we cut to her last week being like, fuck off, you old whore. Go get plastic surgery on your bony knees, because they need it's someone there's someone on twitter whose name is marisol's bony knees and i just think that's the funniest twitter name it's so funny i've been calling people dry knees all week that was my favorite dry knees dry knees fix your dry knees wh whore.
So Adriana's like, yeah, you know, it was a lapse in judgment. I'll say it was a lapse in judgment.
And Lisa's like, yeah, I probably wouldn't have said pony knees. If, you know, maybe I would take that back.
And she's like, I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud.
She's like, okay, well, good.

I'm glad you're taking accountability.

I don't know the word, but, you know, stop the calculus.

And she's like, I am accountable.

I'm ready to move on. And I love when the person who did the, I love when the perpetrators are the ones that are ready to move on.

I want to say that if I'm ever arrested for something.

All right, guys.

All right. All right.
I robbed the house. Sorry.
I'm ready to move on from want to say that if i'm ever arrested for something all right guys all right all right i robbed the house sorry i'm ready to move on from this i think i'm ready guys i've been thinking about it and uh i've processed this and i understand and i think i think i i think it's time that we all moved on i feel ready to move on because always in their mind it's always like well the reason why i was a perpetrator is because you did something that offended me. But now I'm over that because I got out my perpetration.
And so I think we can move on. Meanwhile, someone's sitting there with a house that's burned down.
Yeah, exactly. Thank you for your apology for having a flammable house.
Thank you. So then we go back to Marcel and Julia.
And Marcel's like, I invited Adriana to my property line oh julia's like well you guys are looking completely on opposite planet what happened with you well i guess you got offended sorry i heard you taking a drink of taking a drink i forgot to give myself a straw today so now when i drink coffee it's like a whole process i've got to do away from my mic, otherwise you guys are going to hear lots of ice clanking around. Who wants to hear that, especially when there's a preppy party on foot? Anyway, well, I guess she got offended because Kiki told her I didn't want to be on the same boat as her.
I mean, why would I? I mean, I was already, it was just escalating the whole time and then we were playing the mind

exercise she kept on giving me all the red flags i mean why would she give me the red flags and then we we cut to the narcissism party where daniel the narcissism ass expert is calling out different narcissistic traits how are you not calling out having an instagram full of you shirtless saying like 30 second memes,

you fucking narcissist leader.

And also don't stop so so hot please in fact please be more narcissistic we'll see it all to show us everything all narcissists who work out five times a day and like going around shirtless keep being narcissists everyone else fix okay? We don't have room for homely narcissists on Instagram.

No, no, that's absolutely correct.

Well, she got offended because Kiki told her

I don't want to be on the same boat with her,

but why won't I want to be on the same boat with her?

I mean, now I have dry knees?

Now I have dry knees?

Do you know how I've been staring at my knees for days?

And she's calling me old? I mean, she's older than me than me it was just escalating it was escalating the whole time and when we were playing the mind exercise she's giving me all the red flags i'm like i mean come on i'm not gonna lie i was surprised to hear that marisol is younger than adriana because the The thing is that like everyone was surprised to hear that Marisol is younger than Andrea.

Marisol. surprised to hear that marisol is younger than adriana because the thing is that like everyone was surprised to hear that marisol is younger than adriana marisol's even surprised look at her

well that's again because all her references all her references are like i mean look at this guy

look how adriana's dating a young whippersnapper of a guy. Who is he? Mickey Rooney? Am I right, everyone? Yeah.
Well, and also she doesn't help herself because she does dress like the older woman in the telenovela, you know, who's like the evil one in the telenovela. And like this, she's wearing her, you know, widow's veil and stuff and a widow's outfit.
And she's married to an older guy, which is rare because most of them pick. You know, look at Adriana.
She's with that French callboy or whatever he is. Right, who, by the way, seems to be locked away somewhere.
We haven't seen him since the first episode. Well, you know, paid by the hour.
So we come back and she's like, yeah, I mean, if you're trying to move forward why are you still picking just stop thinking she just gets so nasty i mean my physical appearance body shaming my knees can you imagine my knees have good genes they're blue she's older than me i mean she kept calling me an old lady i'm like you're older than me Oh, mean, she kept calling me an old lady. I'm like, you're older than me.
Oh, God. She's like a regular Lauren Bacall.
So Lisa's like, well, I don't like that Julia's kind of forming a little group with them. And then you're almost like the outsider.
Like, I don't like that for you. Maybe that's another reason that you lashed out.
I don't mind that Julia has a relationship with the other girls in the group.

The only thing I mind is Julia having a relationship with other girls in the group.

I don't know if I could be any clearer.

She knows who Mary Sol is, but all of a sudden, she's forgotten all of that.

And so then we go back to the other two.

And Julia's like, I hate what she said to you.

I don't like what she did.

I love your knees.

I love your knees. I love that if I take a little piece of wood and rub it on your knees, I can make fire.
I can make fire for babies. Babies and goats.
I said, Adriana, the only person who could do something to our friendship is you, yourself, and goats. You cannot be lashing out at people like that, especially you decide to move forward and so marisol's like yeah well you know gertie is in our group and then we're gonna go continue seeing her so what are you gonna do to move when you to move forward because i don't know what i you know i know what i do with adriana's i just ignore her i just pretend it's bogey at the end of the bar, and I'm just going to be off to Casablanca on my own.
You know what I'm saying? People get these references, right? I'm connecting with the youngins, right? Well, for me and Gertie's friendship, the ship has sailed, and Captain Sandy is on it, and she's glad she only had dinner with me. But we could be courted well now alexia and stephanie are having some kind of weird stuff going on and i feel like you know what i feel like everybody needs some therapy in this group and i want to do something for alexia i'm having a spontaneous idea right now because i feel like she's just been on this emotional roller coaster for i don't know't know, 60 years at this point.
I'm not sure. And so then we see flashbacks to Alexia having her standard season-long emotional issues.
This is so good. When they were at that dinner, she's like, I'm only having this dinner for my friend because he's coming in town.
I don't want anything to be about Todd. Okay, nothing about this dinner is about Todd.
We're only here to celebrate, my friend.

And then five minutes later, it's like,

oh my God, Todd, method.

Please don't ever let me go back to the narcissist, everybody.

Please help me, please.

And not only did Alexia make that dinner about herself,

she made it so much about herself

that it has been a constant flashback

and has also in many ways been like a kernel

that has been a constant flashback and has also in many ways

been like a kernel that has driven the entire season.

Like, wait, I thought you hated narcissists.

You broke down in a restaurant

and talked about how you hated narcissists.

Yeah.

Oh, so good.

So good.

So Julie is like,

we need to get her out of Miami

because otherwise she will go back to Todd.

So where should we go? Let's go to Seville She's like, Seville, Seville, Seville Seville, you know And she's like, I like Seville You know, it reminds me of that saying in Spanish Quien se fue a Seville a perdido sucia Yes, I love this saying Captain Sandy will not sit with non-lesbians it's not my fault my favorite saying is when there's one seat left for captain sandy you better sit yourself in another restaurant no it's about people who don't tend to their business they lose their business. I don't follow.
Don't follow.

Or maybe she can lose her mind and lose thought. And she goes, okay, yeah, maybe just make things whatever you want to make them, Julia.
Who cares? Let's call Alexia. So they do.
And Alexia's like, star speaking, star. Blink, blink, blink.
Blink in Spanish. Hey, hey there.
Well uh well look look who i'm with it's julia so we thought it'd be a good idea to go back to spain because you love spain so much and we could we go to seville we got a sevilla you know oh of course i love it i absolutely love it and we can get you away from todd oh perfect perfect you know what that's what i need a break from todd but by the way i have to be back on november 18th because that's birthday is november I didn it. I absolutely love it.
And we can get you away from Todd. Oh, perfect.
Perfect. You know what? That's what I need.
A break from Todd. But by the way, I have to be back on November 18th because Todd's birthday is November 19th.
This is why we want to organize a trip to get away from Todd. Oh, you know what? Thank you for being such good friends.
I love you girls. You girls always bring a smile to my face.
You know that. You know that.
Please. I have to go now.
Todd might call me. You guys bring me a Todd to my face that's what i say when i want to say smile i say todd todd samara soul's like okay one caveat we're not talking about todd no dudes okay no bros bro okay i'm not even going to talk about steve the alpha male of the group okay we're not talking about dudes on this trip okay you know she hung up i think she hung up about five minutes ago didn't she meanwhile at dog um bosco now we see bosco finishing the bosco climaxes yeah he does it they get a picture we get this picture of like bosco like on top of honey just just smiling at the camera.
If I'm going out, I'm going out in style. I hope we get the whole story of what happens to Basquiat now that he gets snipped.
Is he just going to be like, what is life? Just sitting on the couch. What is life? What do I even do with this? Read a book.
God. He's like, well, now I can be a guard for khaleesi so um we go to gertie's home he has he has real big plans so we go to gertie's home and gertie is uh she calls dr jackie from married to medicine and she's like oh that haircut that yet you have is my favorite you, baby I love it so much and she's like oh well I need to tell my stylist about it my stylist as you know is a giant plastic vagina I'll be showing everything on the next season of Married to Medicine for many seasons for many episodes Okay, well in vaginal health for the hair Which is why I tap my head with a dildo every single day.

I've written a book about it.

And Gertie's like, these girls don't understand me.

Nobody understands what it's like.

That's cancer except you.

And she's like, yes, well, sometimes when friends are bad, friends are good.

Because you need to thank them for showing you that goodness can be badness. And badness can be goodness.

Waste not, want not.

Two birds in a hand are better than one hand in a bush. I wasn't following any of that because I was transcribing so that way I can put it up on screen for my next humiliation party.
Alrighty, I'm just trying to tell you I'm having trouble having sex. Do you ever have trouble having sex? What's life like for you? What's going on with you? And I'm just going to keep talking all the way through the scene.
So they just, they bond. They bond.
Jackie gives her some advice on dealing with, you know, aftermath of breast cancer and being a survivor, et cetera. It's very nice.
And I'm just dealing with shitty friends, you know, because she's like, these girls don't even understand me. I don't know what to do.
She's like, well, you know, sometimes when people don't understand you, a drowning man is bigger than a man who's swimming in a lake. Do you understand what I'm saying? She's like, ah.
Well, a bird flying overhead is smarter than a hamster on a wheel and a BMW that's going backward to 30 miles an hour. Do you understand? She's ah listen gertie big mac mcdl t a quarter pounder with some cheese filet a fish a hamburger a cheeseburger a happy meal mcdonald's tasty goldie front glass regular or larger size right i would like you to tell those women just look them straight in the face and say hold the pickles hold the lettuce Special orders don't upset us All we ask is that you let us

Have a day And say, hold the pickles. Hold the lettuce.
Special orders don't upset us. All we ask is that you let us have it your way.
And then say, we have the meats. It was a very nice phone call full of Dr.
Jackie platitudes. And Gertie's like, okay, okay.
Well, before you go, sniffling, sneezing, nighttime, coffee, snuffy heads so you can rest, medicine. Okay, okay, I've got to go.
Oh, and one last thing. We are farmers.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun. I did like one of Jackie's, one of her, Dr.
Jackie's little sayings, because she was just telling Gertia, you just got to look forward. She goes, that's why when we drive, you have a little rear view mirror and a big windshield, because you'll look back a little bit, but there's a lot more to look at going forward.

And also, if you don't look at the windshield, you'll crash into a wall.

You'll crash.

But still, I was like, I like that one, Dr. Jackie.

I think all Dr. Jackie had to say was this.

Now, listen, Gerty, I know it's difficult.

You're dealing with very difficult people in your cast.

Is Quad on your cast? No. Okay, then I

don't want to hear it anymore.

You have a quad.

And we had a

Mariah. We had a Mariah

on our show. She's like, there's

a reason that stop signs

are on the street and not inside the

car. Because

otherwise, when would you stop? If we didn't have stop signs, Toya would just keep on driving into pushes. We've had to discuss this many times with her.
So let's go to Il Gabbiano Restaurant. Masood and Stephanie are arriving in matching cheesy outfits.
And they're both trying so hard. She's like trying to be rich, and he's trying to be young.
It doesn't work for either of them. They both look like posers, sorry.
They look ridiculous. Well, he is so ridiculous when he tries to look young.
Like when he was doing his TikTok challenges, or he wears his hat backwards. It's more cringy than when Mauricio does it.
Cause Masood really, I mean, I think he's like approaching like early eighties and it's just watching him trying to do like this Abercrombie and Fitch moment. It's like, Oh, come on, Masood.
So they sit down. Masood is so excited to meet Martina because he is a Martina super fan and he really can't even hide it in this scene, which is really funny because he's very, very wealthy or at least presents as very, very wealthy.
And you sort of feel like when you're really, really wealthy, you don't act like a blubbering mess around celebrities, but he kind of is, he's kind of a disaster. Yeah.
And I like that Martina isn't even like um performatively humble at all ever it's so funny to me because and she's accomplished a lot she doesn't have to be there's no rule it says she have to has to be it's just a funny demeanor to me because stephanie's like oh oh you've met my you know my husband has been dying to meet you she's yeah she told me that you know more about me than i do i'm amazing i know all right go ahead say what you have to say seriously so um yeah he's like really excited and um then they but of course first they have to start talking about like the kids you know and uh like how everything's going with the babies but it's not really just a standard conversation because it's so depressing they're like so how are your new babies and martina's like oh you know they still cry when we leave for about two seconds and then diverse and distraction you know how they are just off doing whatever and stephanie's like um well how old are you going going to be when they're 20? What kind of question is that to say? I know. Jesus, you're married to Methuselah.
What are you talking about? How old is Masood going to be when you turn 20, Stephanie? So, Martina is like, well, you know, they still cry when we leave. And for about two seconds, oh, yeah.
I said this part. God, sometimes I just like to say it again.
Just because I know Masuda is so excited to hear me talk. So, he's like, oh, Martina.
Julia's like, she just turned 67. 68, Julia.
I love that Julia has no idea how old her wife is. Julia is just out of it.
She didn't know where her kids went to school. She didn't know how old her wife was.
Her wife was getting cancer treatments. Julia's off getting a facelift.
I mean, what the hell? Someone's who's just like, so Martina, talk to me. I used to watch you.
Obviously, that's why I'm wearing this Martina t-shirt. Yeah, I noticed that.
But we used to watch you all the time. I mean, to find you against what's her name.
I appreciate you pretending to forget Chris Everett's name.

That really warms my heart.

She's a fucking bitch.

That's what we used to call her.

What's her name?

So that actually works out perfect.

My favorite thing with Chris Everett is the way her hair would always fluff so delicately

every time the ball went flying by her because she never could hit it back.

Are you missing those times? Those times that you got to play with what's-her-face?

And she's like, oh, if I could still play, I would.

But, you know, I don't miss the stress.

When I retired in 94, my mom said I look 10 years younger because the stress, it was gone forever.

Until I met this one.

You don't understand how stressful it was to have to try to make conversation with chris everett god talk about boring so so uh masouda's like so you're going to cut your scotter sons or maybe i don't know handsome uh gentleman who looks like he might be only 24 years old when he has backwards hats on. No, I will not.
But he has a motorcycle jacket. Well, that's tempting.
But still, no. Very, very tight pants.
Very tight pants. Well, does he have any canvases that I can hit tennis balls onto making art? I might teach him artwork.
I forgot that she did that. Her art where she would hit a tennis ball into a wet canvas.
That was good. Whatever happened to that? I did like it actually quite a bit.
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That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wayfair every style every home so basically she's like she'll supervise her sons but um and she says if they take it on later um then she'll she'll step in but she's like but i need someone else to teach them the basics you know like chris effort you know someone who just deals with low level skills I need someone else to teach them the Chris Everett you know the basics I love that Martina is such a tennis diva that she's like I'm not going to deal with anyone who's like who's below a certain level not even my own children if I'm going to play tennis with my children someone else needs to bring them up to like us open level but but until then i'm not even gonna hold a racket in their presence like they can barely hold a banana at this point but you know if ever they if ever they get off their asses and do something maybe you know one of them just dropped an egg it was on on Chris Everett's head, so we applauded him. So Stephanie's like, so do you have siblings, Julia? And she's like, I have brother, one brother, 12 years younger.
He's in Moscow. We go once or twice a year.
I'm super close, super close. And she's like, oh, yeah, I have twin sisters.
We stop talking to each other. We don't speak the same language.

I mean, I don't mean to sound depressing about it.

It's like, can you just,

are you asking someone else about their life or like?

No, she just wanted a segue.

It's just that way she could talk about that.

She does not care about Julia's family.

She just wanted to set up the conversation

so she could talk about how her bitch twin sisters don't talk to her or their parents that way she could continue to weaponize this platform against them publicly shame them so it's okay because then julia takes it right back and makes it about her again but with something else she's like no no you know we're having difficult time with older daughters because we don't have communication with them anymore because of our new family dynamic Like it's growing pains and she says that the the adoption came as a surprise to her girls um because you didn't tell them i mean dude is that what you were getting out of this like she did what they were just like maybe we're gonna adopt kids and then the next minute they've got two new kids and they're like excuse me where's my inheritance going like what not only where's Not only where's my inheritance, no offense, you two are both a bit older and we're going to have to be the ones taking care of these kids ultimately. When they're 10 or 11, we're probably going to have to step in or they're going to have to live with us.
Who knows? Who knows what life has in store? But they know it's's more than just suddenly two new brothers. It's like, oh, we have to take care of these kids out of nowhere.
But also, but even that being said, I mean, I kind of can't imagine just suddenly stop talking to your mom because she adopted kids. I can imagine being like, mom, that's so annoying.
Stop it. But I can't imagine imagine being like i'm never talking to her again because she's opening her house up to two children that need a house well we don't obviously know the whole story but it from what julia is saying here they didn't really tell the kids like there's no communication i think the kids are just like no the kids were the kids were given a zoom link and they chose not to come They were late to the zoom link and so it was up to them to read about it in the news and that they if they chose to if they had chosen to come onto the zoom five minutes earlier they could have been looped in like everyone else who was cool julia julia fucking wood too i'm sorry they read it in people that's why they read if they don't get to zoom so i think it's about i think it's about inherit i think it's about inheritance and i think it's also uh it's inheritance and knowing that they just have to this will be an op this is going to be a responsibility that's going to land on them ultimately because you know i think that martina and julia are older and like it's not going to be it's i don't think it's gonna be a cakewalk yeah um so yeah she says they are upset with us for not communicating enough with them about what's going to happen so you didn't tell them i just was cracking up that is so julia so um i cannot believe my daughters are not talking to me after i did not talk to my daughters about what we are doing.
So then we see a clip to illustrate how close she is with her brother in Moscow. And they're on FaceTime.
And she's like, I don't know what to do. The girls won't talk to me.
I've tried to call them, but they won't. They won't.
I tried to have my sons FaceTime them. They just hang up on them.
I don't know what to do. And he's like, listen, here's what I always say.
Hold the pickle. Hold the lettuce.
Special orders. Have you been watching Married to Medicine? So Martina's like, well, it's just sad, you know, because you can't have that time back.
You know, you have regrets that you wasted this time because it's so precious and you just can't have it back but you know i i

get it out of my system like everything else with a toothpick a toothpick right here doesn't she always look like she's got a toothpick in her mouth she's always like yeah she looks like um a toothpick i just want her to wear a big floppy top hat at one point so that way she can complete her tom petty look that's all i want so i'm free free falling sorry that's chris everett chasing after a ball and stephanie's like this really hits home because my sisters aren't speaking to my parents and my advice to julia is she just nips it in the bud. Just nip it in the bud.
You aren't. You still won't speak to your sisters.
So whatever. She says it's too long.
It's been too long for her to turn back. Oh, lady.
I'm team sisters. I can tell you that right now.
I'm team sisters. You are insufferable.
I'm sure you flaunt your shit all in front of your sisters you ended up stealing some man's some wife's husband and now you're walking around her house like i want every piece of that woman got it out of this house i mean you're not cute ma'am i'm team sisters yeah we know that patty and selma are probably in the right on this one so then we go over so masoud is like well you know, life is tough and you have to make the best out of it. A lot of these guys really coming in with a lot of really, really sage advice.
Time heals everything. Life is tough.
You gotta make the best out of it. If you ever wanted proof that men are not really listening, this scene is it.
They're like, okay. Now, you know, he's like, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Am I right? It's just taglines now. That's all it is.
It's like, I'm loving it. So Julia's like, on that note.
Ace is a place. Wait, what is it? Ace is a place for Ace is a place for Ace is a place for Ace is a place for It's not coming to me.

But goddamn, that tune's addictive, isn't it?

It's just a place in the happy hardware store.

What's the one that I'm always singing?

Oh, the Sky Rizzy song.

God, I love the Sky Rizzy song.

You do love that Sky Rizzy.

Nothing is everything.

Nothing is everything. is everything sky rizzy you know nothing is everything you ever think about that okay well on that note speaking of nothing marisol has an idea we are going to go a girl's trip to sevilla would you like to come and she's like um so oh that was a direct yes she's like i want to come can i come well no you have to babysit boys unless you can get daughters to babysit boys oh let's have daughters babysit boys like mom this is why we're not talking to you put boys in box ship to daughters uh and stephanie's like um i'm gonna take my airplane my airplane you have access to your husband's business plane erica jane okay we all know that ain't your airplane stop it and martina's like no i really want to go oh wow and stephanie's like you are coming with me on my airplane but who else did you invite and so she's already starting to use her plane as a weapon.
Like, we already see it coming. And Julia tells her, it's obviously Alexia, because it's her trip, kind of.
And she's like, well, should we go to bar and talk about Alexia for a second so the husbands don't have to hear? And she's like, well, I don't know where this is going, but I'd love to let Astro over here get some autographs.

He's like, oh, goody, goody.

The young boy inside of me cannot wait to talk to sexy Martina.

This was such an awkward transition.

Shall we go talk at bar about Alexia? I was like, what is this strange staging that they're having?

It's that whole thing in the 50s. It's likes like ladies business doesn't belong in front of the gentlemen that's i know so um uh then we uh julia's like right now it's big clash with guarantee so we just have to know how to deal with it so stephanie's like well i'm new to this group and i feel like everyone is welcome to me except for alexia the rottweiler the the slobbering crazy humping rottweiler that she is and i just feel unwelcome by her i know you're gonna like stick up for her because you've been friends with her longer she's like well i know her but you cannot make excuses for a bully you just cannot do that now excuse.
I've got 80 men on a construction site I've got to yell at. Get back to work, you fucking losers.
Otherwise, I'm going to throw you into a pool. Sorry, I'm back.
Please do not support bullies. Now, let's make a list of people I can bully off of my plane.
I know. So, meanwhile, Martina stuck with my suit, and he's like, you know, you were in very good shape.
I never forget looking at your arms. So much veins.
It was like looking at a map of highway. Seriously.
Well, that's why Julia fell in love with me because of my amazing arms. She said she saw them on TV.
That's what I got. That's what I got.
I'm a hot lady with great arms and brilliant at tennis. Anything else? anything else just keep it coming people would always say martina she's the veiny one chris everett that's like yogurt in a skirt am i right am i right no one time someone complimented chris's arms and i said no sir i'm sorry that you're actually talking to a trash can chris is over there this is over there when you guys are talking about chris's arms are you talking about her arms or the lines in the tennis court because as far as i can tell they're both lying flat out on the grass hey i'd like an order waiter come over here masero come over here i'd like to get an order of chris everett's arms i'm sorry noodles oh my favorite is when chris everett would serve and every time well she would never get it in and before the ref could even say fault i'd go your fault for.
Every single time. Okay, we are really faltering here.
I hope the ladies come back soon. No, no, really.
Let's talk about our tour. Getting drunk.
You know what? Plop, plop, fizz, fizz. Am I right? Do you want to babysit a couple of egg-dropping children who don't know how to play anything you know what a wise man once told me give me a break give me a break break me off a piece of that kitkat bar i'm sorry i just finished that chapter on the doctor dr jackie book and uh i'm more in love with you than ever so then we go back to julia and she's like i talk to alexia almost every day and I'm more in love with you than ever.
So then we go back to Julia and she's like, I talk to Alexia almost every day and I'm 100% sure knowing your personality, you can have conversation, you can get over it. And she's like, oh, oh really? Well, I want to talk to her.
I hope they have planes on her Southwest airline that she'll be riding to Seville. And Julia's like, well, I thought we could meet in different place, different continent, and see how we could make it work.
And she's like, oh, okay, here's to Spain. Let's hope everything comes back hunky-dory.
Yes, hunky-dory. I don't understand that phrase.
Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.
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