#2959 McBee Dynasty S02E06: Heart of Cole

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Speaker 2 Hello, and welcome to Watch Watch Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker.
Joining me in Sty Recovery is the one and only Ronnie Karen.

Speaker 1 I swear it's always something over here. A little mini eye surgery today, no bigs.
They just flip my eyelid upside down and cut into it. What the hell?

Speaker 2 Well, I am just happy that you still have one eye left to be able to see your very first mountain. Just like Casey on McBee Dynasty.
I just want to see a mountain.

Speaker 2 So McBee Dynasty, it's back. It continues.
And we're talking about it today. But by the way, in case you missed it, we did Amazon Live this week.
It was so fun.

Speaker 2 You can still go check out that broadcast that we did. And we made some really fun recommendations.
And I highly recommend you looking at our recommendations. And we'll be back in two weeks with that.

Speaker 2 This coming week, we have on Monday, Crappy Hour at 5.30 Eastern, Western, I should say, Pacific.

Speaker 2 8.30 Eastern. And then we have Dwell Hello this week.
And a lot of people have been buzzing about the latest house hunters episode, which featured a cougar, a cougar and her cub.

Speaker 2 And so we recapped it, and it was really fun. So keep an eye and ear out for that on Wondery Plus.
Plus, of course, Patreon is where you get to watch us, not just listen.

Speaker 2 You can look at Ronnie taking a nice big gulp. I'm so jealous.
I have what I would call cotton mouth at the moment because I feel

Speaker 1 deep hydrated, y'all.

Speaker 2 I am dehydrated, and that's just life. But anyway,

Speaker 2 you know what else is life? McBee Dynasty, because you know what? They've got a lot of living to do,

Speaker 2 these yokels. So let's get into it, shall we?

Speaker 1 Let's do it. This is McBee Dynasty Season 2, Episode 6.

Speaker 1 Never Seen a Rock So Big.

Speaker 2 That's funny.

Speaker 1 That's a funny title. I cannot believe how excited that girl was to see a mountain.
I mean, mountains are beautiful. Don't get me wrong.
But girl, like aim higher. You know what I mean? I cannot.

Speaker 2 I mean, technically, a mountain is a very high aim.

Speaker 2 She aimed. She aimed high.

Speaker 1 It's true, but wow, Cole really talk about men on Bravo getting away with doing the least, you know? And people say, this show doesn't belong on Bravo. It's about a bunch of country Peebos.

Speaker 1 As far as Bravo, it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This show is about piece of shit men who do the bare minimum and get by.

Speaker 1 That is Bravo's brand. What are you talking about? This is like, it's made for Bravo.

Speaker 2 Yes, except for the fact that it's a terrible show. So anyway, it opens up and we and we've just been at the O's.

Speaker 1 You are entitled to your wrong opinion.

Speaker 2 No, I'm very happy for the people that love it. So

Speaker 1 we

Speaker 2 I wish them well. So we opening sequence, Missouri Farmland, all the good sequences.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, no,

Speaker 2 there have been some entertaining episodes. I thought last week was a good time.

Speaker 1 I wish them a bath.

Speaker 2 Okay. I wish them so many things.

Speaker 1 I wish them one.

Speaker 2 How about this?

Speaker 1 I wish they can bathe in.

Speaker 2 I wish them to understand how the fuck to deal with their stupid fucking combine.

Speaker 2 They're so busy driving it slowly through the street, getting erection off their big machine that they, A, crash into other combines, or B,

Speaker 2 don't forget to put the wheels on properly. What is wrong with these people?

Speaker 2 You handle combines professionally and you wheels don't just fall off of vehicles, sirs.

Speaker 1 And ma'am, their combines are an extension of what they want their penis to be. You know, it's a man thing.
It's like, oh, look at me driving a combine. They don't know how to drive them.

Speaker 1 They fuck them up every single time. It's kind of like those guys with Teslas.
Have you seen any of the videos with the guys with the Tesla trucks who are like, yeah, I've got a Tesla truck?

Speaker 1 I'm going to show you how it takes down a picket fence. And they start all the way at the end of the picket fence and they gun the gas and then it rolls the well, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 They gun the car and then it speeds over the electric fence thing by thing, and then they show under the Tesla truck, and it's all punctured and ruined and leaking, and shit's flying everywhere.

Speaker 1 It's the McB kids with their combines, yeah.

Speaker 2 Um, that sounds like also content that Jax Taylor will be making now that he's no longer on the valley. That's gonna be his next evolution, Tesla, Tesla manliness content.

Speaker 1 So, I'm rising from the flames. Oh, oh, please don't get in my way.
Oh, oh, I'm reaching higher planes. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 2 No one here is reaching higher planes

Speaker 2 ever.

Speaker 2 Not even Casey, even though she gets to see a mountain today. She is not going on a higher plane.

Speaker 2 So we're at Jesse and Allie's house, and Cole and Casey come by. They're going to have some takeout

Speaker 2 and they're going to have some lunch and they're going to gossip about their trip to the Ozarks where they all got wasted. And Casey is like, you missed out on a wholesome family trip.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't you say so, Cole? He's like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
He doesn't remember. It's like, yeah, well, I would like to see a video because I never felt it.

Speaker 2 Also, I wouldn't mind seeing Cala's ass twerking like that. God, she really knows how to twerk that girl right in my face.
Ooh, I would take it all day long.

Speaker 1 You need to see a video. Hills don't have cameras on their phone.
Okay. And that was the real abused person on that trip, the hill that you tried to beat up.
You stupid.

Speaker 1 So then we see flashbacks of things going on and Calla being like, Cole, you little bitch.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, then we go back to the present and Casey's like, we were at Backwater Jackson. Cole was the drunkest I ever seen him in my entire life.
I doubt that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But I don't doubt that he is drunk, just that she's never seen it.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 So Cole.

Speaker 1 And Cole's like, well, it just sucks when you do everything right and you just sit there and you're trying to tell everybody. And Casey goes, you better calm down lest you want a terrible night.

Speaker 1 Like, damn, I love pregnant Casey. God, I wish for her in season one.
Cause season one, she's just like, whatever.

Speaker 1 And this time she kind of acts like that. But then she's like, sit down.

Speaker 1 I said, sit down.

Speaker 1 And by the way, Cole is like, it just sucks when you do everything right. What did you do right exactly?

Speaker 1 You went out of town, you got shit faced, you got twerked on, you said you wanted to eat your boyfriend's girlfriend's ass in front of your pregnant girlfriend, and then you beat up a hill.

Speaker 1 So please, please name when you started doing things right.

Speaker 2 Well, he put that wheel on the Kanban right. Oh, wait.

Speaker 2 So then in case.

Speaker 1 You're a real nipple dribbler. You're a boiler over there.
You're a real

Speaker 1 bean dribbler.

Speaker 2 Dribbledore.

Speaker 1 You're a real

Speaker 2 dribbled door over there. They got that dribbledory on that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we didn't get banded a day, did we?

Speaker 1 No, instead, we got the stupid scene with them meeting Jersey mics and talking about, hey, those arcs were crazy like great thanks no you know the old zarks were crazy my children were out there trying their best to do what they could and then some whore twerked on cole's face and almost ruined their baby's childhood

Speaker 2 I'm not sure that this family can get along at all. And between the one Targaryen that's up there in the large and

Speaker 2 the other Targaryen that's getting drunk and the other Targaryen that's angry at both of them, I don't know if this Game of Thrones is ever going to work out in the first place.

Speaker 1 Game of Dribbledores.

Speaker 2 Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 1 So, Cole,

Speaker 1 Cole's like, Well, it's just awkward. It's just awkward for me because I'll keep getting yelled up by everybody.

Speaker 1 And Kate's like, It's awkward for me when I'm the one dating the drunkest guy at the fucking bar, making a fucking fool out of himself. That's what awkward.
Okay?

Speaker 2 So, um, uh, so then Cole is like, well, good thing we live in a free country. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Anyway, uh, they should cancel Stephen Colbert.

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry, what'd you say?

Speaker 2 Anyway, they should cancel Stephen Colbert.

Speaker 2 Thank God we live in a free country. Get Stephen Colbert off my TV now.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Calla was standing over Steven, straddling him and twerking.

Speaker 2 And so it's a liberal use of the word twerk.

Speaker 2 I would say it's more like Cala was bent over and she was sort of thrusting the air with her upper back, maybe half an inch.

Speaker 1 She was trying to scratch her the bottom of her spine on a tree. That's what it looks like-like a cat.

Speaker 2 It looked like she was playing some weird bachelorette party game where she had a post-it on her butt and she had to apply it to the bottom of a table.

Speaker 2 And so she did it.

Speaker 1 She was trying to unpin. She was trying to unpin the tail from the donkey.
That's what she was trying to do.

Speaker 2 But she pinned it onto her butt donkey. I don't know what that word means, but I've been told liberals like to say it.

Speaker 1 So we see flashbacks of all of that stuff and all the fights and all that good stuff.

Speaker 1 And so Cole's like, well, and then she went on to say that Steven hadn't had to work for anything in his life and mom pays for everything for him. I mean, what kind of woman would say something

Speaker 1 true like that?

Speaker 1 And Casey's like, Well, it was the worst fight I've ever seen in my life. Okay, that's a lie too.
Casey wise everything the most today. You know, he was the drunkest he's ever been.

Speaker 1 That was the worst fight I ever seen in my life. Haven't you been to jail? I saw, um, I saw pictures of her, like mugshots of her, but I want to know why she went.
Like, what did she get arrested for?

Speaker 1 I hope it was like drunk and disorderly.

Speaker 2 She tried to climb a stack of

Speaker 2 paper towels at Costco because she thought it was her first mountain.

Speaker 1 So I just want to go to the mountains.

Speaker 1 She's drinking a mountain dew crying like, oh my god, finally I'm here.

Speaker 1 Finally here.

Speaker 2 She's looking at a stack of cores for the binoculars at the supermarket. Like, I found it.
I found the mountains.

Speaker 2 So Jesse,

Speaker 2 yeah, so Jesse shows up

Speaker 2 and or Jesse's there and he and she's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 and then and then she comes up they get into such a fight that casey comes up and her her stuff is all packed so she ubers and she leaves and then she blocks steven and then he hasn't heard from her since and cole's like i mean i'm not gonna cause any more problems don't worry about me i'm going to the mountains oh whoops spoiled the surprise casey

Speaker 1 So Casey, I looked up her arrest. In 2022, Casey was arrested for murder.

Speaker 1 just kidding misdemeanor driving while intoxicated ah i was hoping she'd like i don't know done something interesting

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 knocked over a combine yeah or like push someone down in a push an old lady down in a crosswalk or something because i i like when nice people like seemingly nice people turn out to be monsters Because I was hoping it'd be something like that, like selling illegal, illegally bred puppies out of her trunk or something.

Speaker 2 Speaking of monsters, we then go over to Cala, who's packing up her stuff from Steven's house that she already moved out of, but she's still going to pack again.

Speaker 2 And this time she's just taking a full vase of flowers. She just is like, I'm going to pack a vase.
I'm going to pack a vase of flowers into a box and move.

Speaker 2 I'm not, I'm like, lady, okay, I know everyone on this show is a bad actor. Lord knows we have to sit through enough terribly scripted scenes with them fake fighting with each other.

Speaker 2 But do you also, can you at least try to act with your packing? Can you at least try to pack the way a normal person would be?

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know, wrapping your vase in cray paper or whatever it's crepe paper, tissue paper, anything. Wrap it in something.

Speaker 2 I mean, has anyone ever in the history of vases ever packed it with the flowers still inside and no protective material? Come on, just try to actually act like you're doing something for real.

Speaker 1 She's putting like the microwave in there.

Speaker 1 The barbecue grill

Speaker 2 with stuff on it.

Speaker 1 Like, it's a lot.

Speaker 2 The oddbugs are on the grill.

Speaker 1 Pack and it all goes

Speaker 1 where everything must go.

Speaker 1 So she's like, Yeah, everything that went down at Lake of the Ozarks was the final straw. Like, I know I've just given him so many chances.
But, you know, I've just like been shitted on so much.

Speaker 1 And it's just making me crazy. Like, I have so much dirt on his family.
She goes, I've been there for Steven so much. And I have so much shit on this family.

Speaker 1 He told me his father is being investigated by the FBI. Okay, listen, Kala,

Speaker 1 you're not a good girlfriend or a good person by saying, oh, I went through so much shit and now I'm going to use it all against them. Betray everything they ever told me.

Speaker 1 That's not, like, why are you acting like you're Jesus on the cross right now? Okay. That's not being a good person.
You dope. She's like, I'm such a good person.

Speaker 1 Now let me tell you everything he ever told me in confidence while sobbing because he thought his life was ending. God, these flowers smell like good.

Speaker 1 Don't blow your load.

Speaker 2 She's just blowing her load on this she's like he's told me so much dirt his father's being investigated by the fbi i'm like girl use that information to get something don't just out and say it you gotta get get yourself a a new hubcap for your car or something i don't know you just gave it out for free get a new pants get a new pants flowers flowers something get fresh flowers in dallas so that way you don't have to import them from kansas city And I love that she's doing all of this while she's like saying, I'm not putting up with this anymore.

Speaker 1 Right after she's moving into an apartment that they're paying for and driving a car that they're paying for.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 And even though she already moved out of this house, she's still going to have a moving out montage. I mean, the show is just sloppy at this point.

Speaker 1 Ben, she gave up her entire career of doing something or other for this. Okay.

Speaker 1 How dare you?

Speaker 2 I have an MBA in something or another. Okay.
The something or another sciences, which does include packing vases with flowers. It's a very difficult art.

Speaker 1 So she continued. Oh, got a little fly in here.
That is disgusting. Doesn't that mean there's like poop in here or something?

Speaker 2 No, it just means a little fly got lost.

Speaker 1 I hate those little flies. They're the worst.
I would rather a big fly because at least they've got some stones on them. It's the little ones that are always trying to

Speaker 1 stealth on you, you know? Yeah, I want like a big fly. I like the ones that are like this big and they're like, I've seen things.
You know, those flies have been around the block.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they've been here. They're like, I'm going to fly slowly.
No one's killed me yet. And they're not about to.

Speaker 1 You kill them, you know, obviously, so they can't finish.

Speaker 2 Get that Prime Marks bracket out. Yeah, a house fly.
A house fly is like a sturdy fly. They're like, they're like good.
And when they, when they land, they do like a little dance. They almost mock it.

Speaker 2 They always do that. They always land and then they like orient themselves in three different directions.
Like,

Speaker 2 I have a routine. And then

Speaker 2 like all the other flies just land. You know what I don't like?

Speaker 2 Even worse than the fruit flies are those generic flies that are like small and kind of like heart-shaped with their their wings make them heart-shaped. They're just stupid.

Speaker 2 They have none of the charisma of a house fly and yet they don't have like

Speaker 2 they just don't have any sort of person well the fruit flies have no personality but at least we we know about them but those flies don't even have a name they're just like nameless flies and they're easily

Speaker 1 have personalities they hang out with gay guys all the time and like wonder why they're not in love with them that's true so uh literally hang out on fruit all day that's a personality okay so she goes on to say that uh she's been helping steven through everything he would cry every single day.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, he can talk to me because my dad was in prison. My brother and sister have been to prison.
So, I mean, I get it. I know what it's like.

Speaker 2 I know what it's like when someone rats them out and they all wind up going to jail.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 Calla's like the lead witness for everybody, for the prosecution, for all of her family members. She's like, they tried to fuck with me and now look where they all are.
Happy Father's Day.

Speaker 2 Calla would be a lot funnier if they just played those Law and Order, like synthesizer tones every time she talked.

Speaker 2 Because you know, like whenever like witnesses say things on Law and Order, there's always something that's like,

Speaker 2 she'd be like, Yeah, I know about Steven.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, his dad's being investigated by the FBI. What's it to you? Like, I think I would enjoy like a Law and Order.
What am I saying? I would never enjoy her in any capacity.

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Speaker 2 So now we go to a place called Pasta Villa.

Speaker 2 Not to be confused with Villa Rosa, Villa Blanca, or anywhere.

Speaker 1 Or Pasta Villa.

Speaker 1 For that matter.

Speaker 2 Vanderpump Villa. So Stephen and Galena are in a very important meeting.
Not them. Millie Vanilli.

Speaker 2 Millie Pasta Vanilli.

Speaker 2 So they sit down at Pasta Villa, home of the most authentic pasta

Speaker 1 of whatever building is best of it. I'll tell you this.
That place better be legit because it was established in 2023. Yeah.
2023.

Speaker 2 This is 12 months of

Speaker 2 memories

Speaker 1 and authenticity. Pasta Villa, established 2023.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, your new location. You know, let's hold off on the established.

Speaker 4 Maybe like let's let's give that

Speaker 1 40 years, maybe. Nothing about

Speaker 2 nothing about this place looks like a villa. I'd also like to add.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 even eat pasta. I don't even think there's no pasta in this.
It's all state.

Speaker 1 You know this place.

Speaker 2 It's all meat and porcupine.

Speaker 1 So what state is this in again? I forget.

Speaker 2 Missouri.

Speaker 1 Missouri. Missouri.

Speaker 1 Missouri. Hello.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Stephen and Galena go to a restaurant and Stephen's like, what is up, Galena? I like that jacket.

Speaker 1 I've learned to always open a conversation with a woman by complimenting their looks or their clothes because that's what women lack. Did you fall for it? Yes or no? Just tell me yes or no.

Speaker 1 Are you drunk? And she's like, oh, thank you. It is fun, isn't it? Look at this fun frill outfit.
I did for season two. I'm trying to show lighter, more fungalena.

Speaker 2 Well, that is really, that is really wonderful. I really think this emotional roller coaster that you're on and that I'm on with Calla, it's really heightened.

Speaker 2 She ended up moving down to Dallas and we're going to be friends.

Speaker 1 She goes, whoa.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay.
Well, you were supposed to say a better line there, but that's fine.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it started to hit. Big wow.
Okay, well, big wow. Okay.
Pasta, pasta villa. Wow.

Speaker 1 Hey, can we get a refill on the pasta here? What kind of villa is this? Pasta villa, no? Refill, please. Wow, pasta refill.
Wow. Rigatoni.
Wow.

Speaker 2 They they have unlimited duck sauce here. I don't have the heart to tell them that's not quite, you know, Italian, but that's fine.
So

Speaker 2 it's starting to hit me that, you know, Cal and I are really broken up. Cal and I are just going to be friends.
My loyalty lies right here on this ranch with this ranch dressing.

Speaker 2 I am loyal to this dressing that they gave me with my pasta here at Pasta Villa. Anyway, my family, I will defend them till the day that I die.

Speaker 1 She needs to work through mourning her sister and I need to work through managing the stress of nobody in this company being able to drop a combine. So we're basically the same thing.

Speaker 1 Galena's like, I hear you. It has been rough on me too, but I'm getting there one day, every step closer closer with Rigatoni.

Speaker 2 Okay, not to get too deep about it, but do you ever wonder if the universe is just like encapsulated by like a marble and there's like a really big thing and we're just like a plaything to it?

Speaker 2 Like we are like a house fly compared to some big giant entity?

Speaker 2 Okay, and also not to get so deep about something else.

Speaker 2 I think avoiding contact with Masha would be best for your mental health because these waves of ups and downs and lefts and rights and sideways and lefts and rights and pastas and villas, they ain't beneficial for you or the company.

Speaker 2 And mostly I care about you as a person. And by care about you as a person, I'm scared you're going to destroy the company from the inside out.
Sort of like this pasta is doing to me right now.

Speaker 2 Is there a bathroom nearby?

Speaker 1 So you think it might not be good for contact with Masha? Probably not. So I can maybe just shoot.
I can shoot. This is from far away.
It's like, no, you cannot shoot. Masha, okay?

Speaker 1 You're not going to be able to have contact with Masha. That would be a bullet making contact.
But I can burn house. Yes, I can burn house.
You can burn down Masha's house. I run her over.

Speaker 1 This is not touching with hands. I just run her down.

Speaker 2 What about throwing stars? Like turtle, who is ninja in sewers? I can throw star. Like, no, that's a terrible idea.
I do not trust you around a throwing star either.

Speaker 2 That counts as contact, okay?

Speaker 2 You know, it's hard for me to see what my dad is doing to hurt you. And it hurt my mom too, you know? And she goes, your mom had it worse.

Speaker 2 Because for it to happen for 28 years, 20 years, whoever was the slut

Speaker 2 that was the other woman to your mother, God may she die in a rotting coffin under a pile of other rotting coffins. It was you.
It was you, Galena. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is right. I wish she was here.
This is right. This is right.
This is terrible. Terror bad me.
Bad Galena.

Speaker 1 My bad.

Speaker 1 My bad.

Speaker 1 There are times, you know, I think that I'm getting karma for what I did to Christy.

Speaker 1 This is so so funny to me. And I'm going to just cover my eyes so I could at least do it with half my face.

Speaker 1 But fucking Galena, man, she squints her eyes and she's got these eyes that she's fucking killing you. I mean, I don't know.
She's got, she can do this brutal thing with her eyes. It's so good.

Speaker 1 And she goes, Yeah, I think sometimes I'm getting karma for what I did to Christy. I know I absolutely hurt her.
She was his wife. I can't even imagine.
And then she just goes,

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 1 Karma?

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes. That is, yes.
That's a good way to put it, Galita. I love that it's just now dawning on her.
Like, maybe

Speaker 1 not great what I did to Christy. Maybe.

Speaker 1 Maybe not.

Speaker 2 I've been taking therapy in Karma Villa.

Speaker 1 This person gives me advice, you know, season two, Botak.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 I don't want this stress to affect you to the point where it's compromised across all the companies because I'm having mom and cole tell me, all tell me to just fucking fire you because it's not worth the headache but you know better than than anyone that the risky that risky situation the business is into right right wink wink uh be at b-i-f-a b-i-f-a that's pig latin you calling me a pig never mind it's going to take you know our absolute best to climb out of the hole that this company is in that the liberals put us in i'd like to add and we won't be able to do it if we're stuck in an emotional low so i need you to move on deal because you're better off that way deal with it i'm killing my shot.

Speaker 2 No, that was not the deal.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you. It was great meeting with you.
And I just want to stress, I really do like that jacket. Thank you, woman.
Do you understand? It's like, thank you. You are quite a gentleman.

Speaker 1 So then we go to Jesse and

Speaker 2 Stephen clearly looked up chit chat GPT. When having a tough conversation with an employee,

Speaker 2 how can you be firm and stern and also

Speaker 2 nice? It's like, well, be sure to begin and end the conversation with a compliment that echoes the first compliment.

Speaker 1 So we go to Jesse and Allie's city house, the big city, taxis flying by, pigeons, you know, reading newspapers on the street.

Speaker 1 And Christy comes over and she's like, Jesse, what's that card that's out in the garage? I just happened to take a look in your garage because I'm your mother and that's what we do.

Speaker 1 I wanted to make sure my son's garages are safe. So what was that card that's out there? And Jesse's like, I didn't know what the plan was, but dad asked me to keep it here.
It's it's Masha's car.

Speaker 1 So, that Portia is Masha's car. That is her car.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. Nice car.
Nice ride, Masha. And calls like, don't tell Galena though, because she's going to keep beating them windows in.
I'm the one that gets to drive it to the window place.

Speaker 2 Luckily, we got a lot of them here in the city. So then then we go to Stephen and he's driving and he is on the phone with Jesse.
And there's a brisket situation with

Speaker 2 Arthur Bryant's barbecue. So Stephen is telling Jesse, he's like, hey, I'm on my way down to Arthur Bryant's to hopefully see about the brisket we sent them.

Speaker 2 Because yeah, I thought they wanted the meat trend because they said that they didn't want too much of the brisket, like to be touched with a knife.

Speaker 2 So I thought, well, maybe it turns out maybe we cut off too much.

Speaker 2 Cause also, because it turns out we actually just filleted it into like thin like cold cuts and then gave it to them to brace or whatever they do down there, smoke it, whatever.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I gotta go fix the situation because the entire farm depends on it. The entire

Speaker 2 fate of Western civilization depends on these cuts of meat.

Speaker 1 They wanted to make faster sandwiches at the barbecue place. My idea was cutting them so thin they'd look like bacon.
So I basically turned them in beef bacon. Turns out they didn't like it.

Speaker 1 Now, am I going to change them? No, probably not, but I had to give it a good try. I called him right away and I said, Arthur,

Speaker 1 I love your jacket.

Speaker 1 Love your jacket.

Speaker 2 Now, I want to talk about your brisket techniques. You spend a lot of time, a lot of time smoking them.
What, as far as I can reckon, that's eight hours doing that. Have you ever thought?

Speaker 2 Maybe instead of smoking for eight hours, thin slices of bacon, real thin,

Speaker 2 30 seconds. I think, I don't know, just

Speaker 2 this could be, it's gonna be good.

Speaker 1 He wanted smoked brisket. I put cigarettes in the brisket

Speaker 1 and I lit the brisket. I lit the cigarettes.
They smoked.

Speaker 1 Didn't like it. Didn't like it.

Speaker 1 So I said, you're

Speaker 1 Billy so much smaller with that jacket. What a jacket.
So I saved us. I basically saved us.

Speaker 2 I brought a very tiny jacket that I was going to give to Cole's baby someday, but it fits the brisket perfectly. And I'm going to put it on the brisket.
I'm going to say, that's a nice jacket.

Speaker 2 And I mean that.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. That's what I get for doing everything, Brian.
I guess lose the jacket.

Speaker 1 So then we go see the clip over at uh Arthur Bryant Barbecue, and Andy's like, um, I appreciate you coming down here. I needed to see what the meat looks like.

Speaker 1 Okay, you need to take a look at this, okay, at 185 without the fat on it, how much shrinkage there was. Look at this thing.
This looks like a penis that has not wanted a vagina for over 30 years.

Speaker 1 This is an old penis brisket. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay.

Speaker 2 So Steven's like, absolutely. This is 100% on me.

Speaker 2 You know, I understand that you do not appreciate my cigarettes wrapped in bacon made of your brisket. I thought it was innovative.

Speaker 2 I thought this way, no fat, lots of smokiness, everything you could possibly want. It's on me.

Speaker 2 Mama's thinking, though, maybe next time, cigars. I think cigars might be the way to go.
So that's where I will go and I will do it for you. This is on me.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 this might be outside of my pay grade, but I wanted to suggest turkey sandwiches. Turkey sandwiches.

Speaker 1 Just change it. Just change it over to you.
Just change it.

Speaker 2 Turkey sandwiches. Okay, because we got turkeys.
Wait, hold on one second. I just got a text from Jesse.
We don't have turkeys. We'll get you turkeys.

Speaker 1 Galena has killed Masha's turkeys. Okay.
Well, I will be back with the brisket tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Have you considered smoked combine wheel? Because

Speaker 2 we got a lot of those. They roll off our combines, and what we like to do is put them over a spit.

Speaker 2 And then, after about a few hours of braising, we just slice them off real juicy, real juicy tire and such.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so gotta keep some fat on it, man. This is Arthur Bryan's.
We ain't fucking around over here. This is the real deal.
This is the church of barbecue.

Speaker 1 Okay, people don't kneel down to take your turkey sandwiches and your smoking skinny brisket.

Speaker 1 This ain't 90s model brisket. We want some fat, fat brisket here.
Do you understand?

Speaker 1 We want a Dove commercial brisket. We want all kinds in this place.
He's like, okay, I will do it. And guess what? I'm going to cover the loss on this since it's my fault.

Speaker 1 And then I'm going to blame Cole for losing money in corn. Do you understand? That's where we're going to go from here.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 so now we're back at the city house, and somehow we're able to hear the dialogue with the sound of

Speaker 2 that elevated train going right by the window. And Christy is like, uh-oh,

Speaker 2 uh-oh, look, Stephen walked in with a brown paper bag. That's not a good sign.
Because we all know when someone brings a brown paper bag, there is always a head inside.

Speaker 2 Mother, what are you talking about? Why do you say that?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just saying that Gwyneth Paltrow is never going to be bothering anybody again in this family.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 I have brought some meat. There is seven pounds of brisket, seven pounds of burnt end.
So that's great.

Speaker 1 Basically, our meat was cut so lean, they had to cook it 10 degrees hotter just to get the taste the same as theirs. So they cut and their cut and our cut were the same size when they started cooking.

Speaker 1 So we pre-trammed a little bit too much. Is anybody tired of talking about meat yet? I could talk about it all day.

Speaker 1 Good talk we're having. Good meat.

Speaker 2 They said, they said, this meat is more damaged than your mama's hair. And I was like, don't say those sort of jokes.

Speaker 1 but now that i look at you ma your hair is pretty damaged have you thought about cooking your hair at 10 degrees cooler that's good you know i i should have called arthur brown a long time ago i just cut too much fat out i cut too much fat out

Speaker 1 all right well burnt ends for coal and avocado for ma all right

Speaker 2 i brought burnt ends for your split ends ma

Speaker 1 otherwise

Speaker 1 i brought burnt ends otherwise known as mom walking past a beauty salon okay let's all sit down.

Speaker 2 Burnt Ann's, also known as what happened to Masha's chickens after Galena was there.

Speaker 1 They came QA.

Speaker 2 Burnt Ann.

Speaker 2 Remember when we went to Kansas City and we went, we got our Kansas City barbecue and everyone was like, you got to get the Burnins. You got to get the Burnins.

Speaker 2 And we thought they were saying, I thought they were saying Burnin'. Like Burn.

Speaker 2 I thought it was like one word spelled B-E-R-N-E-R-N,

Speaker 2 Burnin' or Burnin'.

Speaker 2 maybe no second R. Yeah.
And they were saying burnt ends the entire time.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 God life.

Speaker 1 I ate everything in that place. The mac and cheese, the potato salad, the coleslaw, the bread.
They gave you those. Didn't they give you like the Wonderbread type bread? Oh my God.
What a place.

Speaker 2 What a place. Was it called a Q45 or something like that? It was great.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't Arthur James.

Speaker 1 It was called heaven. That's what it was called.
Yeah. Burning.
I said, Gabriel, you better stop blowing that horn. I got to get to work.
He'll stop the blow. Feed me some more Burnings.

Speaker 2 So Cole says, Growing up in Kansas City, we like the fayat on our meat, and that's what gives it the flavor, man. So I don't know what Stephen's doing with Cala, right? Just a bony lady over there.

Speaker 2 Anyway, Stephen's trying to turn from crop to meat so fast that all he wants to do is do that as fast as possible. So I'm not surprised he did something stupid.
Like, cut too much fat off the beef.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, I hate when he does things stupid. Cut to well, it looks like another wheel fell off the corn combine.

Speaker 2 And Stephen's stupid.

Speaker 1 Fucking Cole. My God, what a fuck up.
Cole is the Jax of this show. He is 100%.
He's not as hot as Jax was back when he started, but he is definitely the Jax of this show.

Speaker 1 What a lose.

Speaker 1 So we cut back to the president and Stephen's like, well, we are behind and we had a bunch of meat to thaw to get to Arthur Bryant's. So we already did 6,000 pounds of that.
Are we sick of meat yet?

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, oh, God.

Speaker 1 Well, we can't afford to lose Arthur Bryant's. Okay.
The crops look this good this year, right? Because Cole told me, and he's trustworthy. So knock on wood.

Speaker 1 But we're still $80 million in debt with car washes. Dad is gone.

Speaker 1 I got Galena all over right now because she can't emotionally handle anything mentally. You know what it's, you know, it's so hard when someone doesn't have emotional in their mental.

Speaker 1 That's a problem. Hold on.

Speaker 2 Hold on one second. I'm getting a phone call.
God damn it. All right.
Turns out we cut off all the bristles off the brushes in the car wash. We went too far.

Speaker 2 that's on me we just lost 45 million dollars on that car wash down in kansas city all right i got it out that when i told them to cut the bumpers off of the cars as they were coming into the wash that was bad that has ended up costing us a lot of money y'all i'm so sorry hold on i will take the responsibility for that i'm getting a phone call from uh kara down at the car wash okay kara you're on um hi sleven um the news here is that the um the the brisket you had to take back from arthur bryants so people don't like that you attach that to the car wash brushes.

Speaker 2 And a lot of people have broken windows now. So you're going to have to fix a lot of people's windows because you tried to wash their cars with spinning briskets.

Speaker 1 Also, we are getting some complaints that when the soap dispenses from the shooters, they're actually shooting out some kind of animal fat.

Speaker 1 Well, I was just trying to use what we lost to try and make up. No, I don't think that's going to work at the car wash steam.
Okay, I fully take responsibility for that.

Speaker 1 By the way, I know we're just on the phone, but I can tell I love your your top. I love your top.

Speaker 2 I'm getting reports. You know that vacuum thing at the end of the car wash that like goes onto your windshield and looks like a robot.
It's been spitting out barbecue sauce.

Speaker 2 Well, I figured after all that brisket in the fat, you want like a little something just to sweeten it up, right? I don't think I'm wrong on that one.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to take responsibility for that one. Beautiful jacket.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. Beautiful jacket.

Speaker 1 So he's like, yeah, you know, I just don't know that Galena can take it. I mean, I told her three times I liked her jacket and she didn't even hug me.
So, am I losing my touch or is that woman crazy?

Speaker 1 And Chrissy's like, Well, we might need to start looking for someone else.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I just, I don't know who else.
I mean, who else could we trust that was a maid five years ago at our home to run our business?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, people are replaceable. You may not know this.
I'm actually not your biological mother. I was recast about five years ago.

Speaker 2 That's why none of you look like me.

Speaker 1 Wendy Malik was supposed to be playing me, but unfortunately she got a better job on something called Apple TV, which just sounds like a vote for Kamala to me. But

Speaker 1 yeah, I'm new here, but I'll tell you what I still have and will always have burnt hands. Always.

Speaker 2 People don't realize that my CV is quite impressive. I was the third daughter in Charles in charge.
Yes, yes, that's right. I'll just let you think about that.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I love being on your program now, and I will get back to being your mother.

Speaker 1 I do not know how the business is doing, but I do know because of Wendy Malik, how Harrison Ford is doing.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 there's something. So Stephen's like, well, after seeing how dad is, she talked about how much she respects you, mom, and she really wants to maybe meet with you.
Wouldn't that be fun?

Speaker 1 We're on a TV show. You want to do that? And she's like, um,

Speaker 1 um.

Speaker 1 and Christy tells us, yeah, I was pretty mad about

Speaker 1 Galena. And the producer says, because she was sleeping with Steven while you were technically married.
And she's like, oh, oh, no, for years and years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When I found out that was happening, I immediately filed for divorce and it affected the kids. It still does.
It still, still does. Commercials.

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Speaker 1 So she tells us the Galena lore,

Speaker 1 which is that Galena was hired as the family cleaner. So she was cleaning the house and we see pictures of Galena looking 16.

Speaker 2 Yes, on a good day.

Speaker 2 Is she there? Is Galena there?

Speaker 1 I just got so scared.

Speaker 1 Do you hear that? Galene. Oh my God, how embarrassing.

Speaker 2 Was there a thump?

Speaker 1 I think Beeler sat on the remote control and turned the TV on in some action movie.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry, benefit.

Speaker 1 Wing it, Ben. Wing it.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm going to take it over from here. So Galena was a youngin', and we see these pictures of her.
She's like making cupcakes. She's in the the kitchen.
She's smiling with this creepy smile.

Speaker 2 She's got little pigtails. And Christy is basically saying that like

Speaker 2 the Galena's there for a long time. And then when she found out what happened, that she immediately filed for divorce.
And yes, it affected the kids, et cetera.

Speaker 2 But yeah, we can see that Christy does not want to have a conversation with Galena, but we also know that Christy is thinking, well, a man said I should talk to Galena, my mortal enemy.

Speaker 2 And who am I to disagree with a man?

Speaker 1 So guess I'll do it. Well, yeah, I guess I have to do it for the TV show at some point.

Speaker 1 But yeah, this whole Galena thing of being the maid, and then you see her looking all young with like literal pigtails, like smiling really big. We've never seen Galena smile that big.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was just so crazy seeing the evolution. Like she really worked her way up to be the head of the company and took over everything and the husband.
I mean, girl, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 And it's also like truly the American dream.

Speaker 1 Like, in a way, I'm so proud of Galena. You know, I know that sounds sick and people are going to be mad, but I mean, talk about hustle.
Geez.

Speaker 1 By the way, speaking of hustle, Bueller was literally sitting on the remote control on button while he was licking his nuts. So

Speaker 1 thanks.

Speaker 2 You were like, Bueller, get the fuck off that remote. Love that jacket on you, by the way.

Speaker 1 I mean, love your jacket. Love your jacket.

Speaker 2 So now we go over to Jesse and Allie's city house and Masha arrives and she's like, oh, God, how to walk by so many people on the sidewalk. City house.
Goodness, so much commotion.

Speaker 2 Anyway, you want me to take my shoes off? And Jesse's like, no, it's fine. I'll wear my boots inside.

Speaker 2 You know that whatever that, what's his girl's name, Allie? Allie's like, fucking Jesse with those fucking boots. I just washed this floor

Speaker 1 with those fucking boots. I was like, thanks for giving video evidence that Allie's going to use in divorce court soon to take everything from you and rightfully so.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Masha is just like, ah, yeah, you know, so I keep shoes. Look, I still have shoes on.
And Allie's like, well, we did take good care of your car, Masha.

Speaker 1 Why is it everybody's job to do to take care of Steve Sr.'s?

Speaker 1 affairs like it's ridiculous it's crazy so we go out to see the car in the garage she does indeed have like a Porsche SUV thingy and the back of it is so dirty Steve's the kind to just drop off a muddy car you know that's so Steve Sr.

Speaker 2 yeah I was that's what I was thinking too was that I was more offended by how dirty this car was and I say this as someone who currently has a very dirty car but I have intentions to clean it I don't think these guys have intentions and if anything Steve is doesn't like not Steve does doesn't Jesse say like yeah I put a smiley face in the dirt in the dust or something like

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's filthy. I mean, you own car washes and you can't wash your girlfriend's car before you delivering.
Yeah, that's what makes it really fun.

Speaker 1 That's like that man respects you, you know, so have fun with that, Masha.

Speaker 2 That's how bad these people are at business, that they literally are complaining about being in debt and are doing nothing to promote their stupid car wash on this show.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Like

Speaker 1 show them being like going through the car wash because I treat my women right. And that's why I wash the Porsches I give them before I give them back.

Speaker 2 That's right. So Jesse and Allie, I'm sorry, no, Casey and Allie go to have a conversation by a fence.

Speaker 2 And as you do,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 1 you know what we should do? Let's walk about a block and lean on a fence.

Speaker 2 Casey's like, let's go to fences.

Speaker 2 And Allie's like, oh, thank God. I love August Wilson.
You know, living here in the city, I am exposed to so much culture. No.

Speaker 1 I'm at the fence.

Speaker 1 Girl, you know Allie has not sat and watched fences.

Speaker 1 There's not a lot of guarantees in life, but that is one. That is one.
So Casey's like, well, it's real hard. Oh, sorry.
Go ahead, Ben.

Speaker 2 I can't.

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to, you thought better. We're going to move on.
Burnetts, go on.

Speaker 1 Casey's like, it's real hard when Cole starts drinking. Ever since we found out I'm pregnant, he's been a lot better to me and treating me right.

Speaker 1 But, you know, it's just the drinking that makes me mad. And, you know, I used to be able to put up with it, but I don't know if I could stay with him after the baby's born.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 okay casey i do not believe you you're having a baby with cole of all people like come on casey i want better for you

Speaker 2 yeah you're you're having a baby with

Speaker 2 with a man whose name shares the same name as a as a dying energy source that is this that is the metaphor for you right now okay

Speaker 2 Cole, it's not coming back. So

Speaker 2 now we go to a farm field because Uncle Jimmy and Cole are watching a cow give birth. I'm like, please, I already watched City Slickers when I was in sixth grade.

Speaker 2 I do not need to watch another calf being born. I really

Speaker 1 was furious that I didn't get the full cow birth. They kept, they were like, oh, I'm sorry, this is sensitive for TV.
We don't have that in the TV sensitivity rating.

Speaker 1 We don't want to have to write it in there. We do have cursing, smoking, abuse, and jacket compliments warnings.
So I don't really want to add this one. I'm like, I want to see the cow birth.

Speaker 1 Why are you making the cow turn around? They're like, turn around. You're on camera.

Speaker 2 This is a family show.

Speaker 2 I saw, I've seen my cow, I've seen my cow birthing once, actually, several times, because I actually watched it as slickers a lot because I used to love it when I was a kid.

Speaker 2 I don't need to see it over and over again. Okay.
I get it. I feel bad for the calf.

Speaker 2 I mean, you got this calf that's born and it comes into this big, beautiful world, and the first thing it sees is Cole.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then a staple gun. So they can mark, you know, they can tag it.
It's like, welcome to the world. You can't even stand up.
Yeah, boom. You're ours.

Speaker 2 Cole's like, I sure liked the way that calf was twerking.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he's like,

Speaker 1 I'm literally going to eat your ass when you're older because I'm going to cook it and sell it to Arthur Bryant's.

Speaker 2 Now, little thing, don't eat too much because you're going down to Kansas City someday.

Speaker 2 So Cole's like, wow, that calf's over there.

Speaker 1 Everything's getting a little out of hand. Oh, he's talking to Uncle Jimmy.
And he's like, hey, Uncle Jimmy, you know, things got

Speaker 1 out of hand in like Ojox. And you know why I blame that for? Because, you know, who wasn't there and Darla and Darla wasn't there

Speaker 1 and Uncle Jimmy's like well day drinking you know it may take some time to rebuild that trust you know you just got to think how would you treat your mom you got to treat your mom a lot differently than you treat your brothers your dad flowers help that's what most men do when they're at the dog house you get them flowers darla loves flowers

Speaker 2 All right, how would I treat my mom?

Speaker 2 Okay, so I guess I'll go home and I'll see casey and i'll ignore everything she says and make her do things for me great thanks for the advice wait a minute i just impregnated my mama you did

Speaker 1 i can't believe i did that i'm so sick i'm going to church like come back here cole cole stop running away from me flowers cole flowers Cole, don't treat your mama like your girlfriend.

Speaker 2 Treat your girlfriend like your mama. Oh, this poor guy, he won't ever get it straight.

Speaker 1 Don't worry.

Speaker 2 I'm not the biological mother, so it's not incest.

Speaker 1 don't you worry everyone don't worry uh wendy malik just had to go to work explaining to harrison ford why she's pregnant but you know i'd like to thank you anyway for your advice uncle jimmy tell darla hi

Speaker 2 are wendy and malik oh are wendy malak as a wendy and malik are wendy malik and harrison ford on a show together yeah i think they're on that show on apple tv the therapy show

Speaker 2 oh

Speaker 2 wow

Speaker 1 that's i'm pretty sure because we keep making harsh we keep making wendy malak jokes They're in a show called Shrinking and they play Love Interests. Okay.

Speaker 1 And you know, I know because we bring up Wendy Malik so much for Real House Wise of Orange County. And someone was like, you guys are making it sound like Wendy doesn't work.

Speaker 1 And Wendy works, but she's on Apple Tiffany with Harrison Ford. I was like, okay, Wendy, yes.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you got to give Wendy her cred.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We will always give Wendy Malik cred. It's just Heather Dubrow who doesn't because they are bitter enemies according to us and not based on any truth.

Speaker 2 So back to the office. Let's go to the office.

Speaker 2 So Stephen has, he's, he's coming out to talk to Kara, the perpetually terrified.

Speaker 1 She was terrified. She's like, oh, he's coming.
He's coming. He's coming.
I got to go. Mom.
I got to go, mom.

Speaker 1 Hello, Kara.

Speaker 1 So before I compliment your blouse, I just want to ask you, do you have the yield totals for all the trucks? She goes, yeah, I do. It's at,

Speaker 1 I'm saying this as positively as I can. Do you want to mint? I have mints here on the front of the desk.
They're for you.

Speaker 2 Just tell me. Tell me.
Tell me the yield. Tell me the yield, Kara.

Speaker 1 Okay. The yield is gum.
I have gum. You should have.
Kara, I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I will never compliment your dress ever again if you do not give me this yield right now. Okay, on the count of three.

Speaker 1 The yield is puppy, sunshine.

Speaker 1 Kara, trample. Okay, hold on one second.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna, I'm just, hold on. Let me just go into another room and crush this bottle of ranch sauce.
Okay, I am back and I am calm. Please tell me what is the yield.

Speaker 1 It's 150. It's 150.
The yield is 150. God damn it.
God damn it. 150.

Speaker 2 That's like 200 bucks an acre less in revenue than we expected. There is no way we're going to be able to cover our loan payment with that.

Speaker 2 How could those numbers be so off? How could they be so off?

Speaker 2 It was supposed to be 150. Let me tell you something.
At this rate,

Speaker 2 150 bushels. Okay, I was told it was going to be 200 bushels and a 500.
500. And guess what? Guess what? What? There's Nariya, Narya 200 bushels, and Narya Peck.

Speaker 2 Because this is 150 bushel of corn, okay? And it ain't gonna make that 500,000 bushel and a peck contract, okay? I am sick of it. I am done with it.
I am mad. I am cutting the fat off this bushel.

Speaker 1 I am furious.

Speaker 1 Be done with it. Bushel and a peck.
Hug around your neck. Hug around your neck.

Speaker 2 No, Kara. I told you a million times I am seeing someone, although I am single right now, so I will take a hug around the neck.

Speaker 1 Okay. Here's a hug.

Speaker 2 Put your arms. Okay.

Speaker 1 okay that feels nice feels real nice i love you i love you okay back away don't care back away

Speaker 1 so cole now see this is where steven's like i told you cole's an irresponsible nitwit idiot i never should have let him do nothing in this company um you're running the company and this man went off and bought lands you didn't approve of and told you it's going to be 200 an acre and you believed him what is wrong with you maybe you're not fit to run this company because no

Speaker 1 no person worthy of running a company would believe a word that comes out of Cole's mouth, sir.

Speaker 2 Yeah, mainly because all the words that come out of Cole's mouth sound like this.

Speaker 2 Because there's no lips or teeth.

Speaker 1 Does estimation have any teeth in it? Okay, it only has teeth in it. Does it have any lips? It does not have it.
It's only teeth. Okay, I believe him.
I believe him then.

Speaker 2 Companies can't just buy farms like a Starbucks run. You don't just like buy a farm.
You know, if it's a company, things have to be signed off on. Like, you signed off on this.

Speaker 2 Like, you don't just like surprise by a farm on behalf of a company. So, this whole thing is bullshit in the first place, this whole bushel, this bushel mess.
Guess what?

Speaker 2 I'm 50, 50 bushels short, also. And by bushels, I mean brain cells because of this stupid family.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 1 so Galene, Galena has come in during during this time, and he's like, I cannot believe Cole did this. Can you believe it? I mean, bushels, pegs, bugs, necks.

Speaker 1 And she's like, yeah, something has to change. Something has to change.
He's like, not your jeans, though. Those are adorable.

Speaker 1 But at this rate, 150 bushel of corn ain't going to make that 500 contracts. What are we going to do? This is why Cole never should have done nothing.

Speaker 1 So then we go to Cole and Casey walking together or work in the barn or whatever. And Cole's like, I think I got the plan.
I'm going to take us a little honey, a little baby moon.

Speaker 1 You ever been on a baby moon in the mountains before? She's like, no, I've never had a baby. I've never been to the moon or to the mountains.

Speaker 1 And he's like, yeah, she's always wanted to see the mountains. So I'm going to do it.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I can't believe I get to have my baby on the moon at a mountain.
So he's like, you know, I acted like an idiot. I'm going to be a big flag.

Speaker 1 Put up there.

Speaker 2 One small step for man, one smaller step for a little baby.

Speaker 2 so it's like I acted like an idiot in the Ozarks punching hills and whatnot and I want to show Casey I'm putting her and our family first she's never been to the mountains before she's always wanted to go to the mountains she also said she always wanted to go on the moon so I never been great with girls or moons or mountains so I get that from my dad and I thought I can make it right we're take we're going to outer space

Speaker 1 So he gives her kind of this half-ass, like, I should be better, so I'm going to take you to the mountains because you're pregnant and all, you know, and me, you know, account for me being drunk on the Ozarks or whatever.

Speaker 1 And she's like, Wow, I just wish there was accountability. And he'd say, Hey, I messed up, but I do get to go to the mountains.
It's going to be magical.

Speaker 1 Mountains are supposed to be like hills, but pointier. I can't wait.
I just can't wait.

Speaker 2 All right, little lady, I'm going to treat you right. We're going to hop on a regional flight, a state over

Speaker 1 and go to Colorado.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. I know it's going to be fun because we're going on a plane called Spirit.

Speaker 2 They do charge extra for the baby. It's considered carry-on.

Speaker 1 Probably.

Speaker 1 So like, does your pregnant belly fit inside of this trial bin before you get to the plane?

Speaker 2 Are you going on a regular trip or a baby moon? It's a baby moon. Okay, that will cost an extra $25.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Celebratory personalities. Yeah.
Yeah. So Stephen finds Cole working on a tractor, whatever.
Like anybody believes that. He's like, Cole, I just went over the yields with Kara.

Speaker 1 Do you know how hard she hugged me?

Speaker 1 I have hickeys on my back. That's how hard.
And any chance those numbers are going to come up? Because we are under and we've got a $6 million payment due by November.

Speaker 1 And there is no way we're going to make it. Even if I sold all of the mints that Kara gave me into my pocket, we cannot make that yield.

Speaker 2 Now it's your turn to reply to me. It's your line.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've been tracking and we should be good. We might have the numbers we need next year.
I'm going to keep the combines rolling. They're not going to stop because you know what, Elon Musk made?

Speaker 2 Combines that don't need drivers.

Speaker 1 I am sick of next year. And farming, all you hear is next year, next year, next year.
Ozarks is one thing because you know what?

Speaker 1 I went on a trip to the Ozark, but you know, now I hear you're having during a harvest during a baby moon. What are you doing? Baby moon during harvest? What, what the fuck is a baby moon anyway?

Speaker 1 What is that? Is that where you just, you, you take your baby out there and you just pull down its diaper and it shows everybody its butt? We don't do that in this family.

Speaker 2 Well, as far as I know, when two moons love each other, sometimes they get very intimate. And nine months later, congratulations, you have a baby moon.

Speaker 1 I just told my guys, like, you know, they got to keep cutting and I just got to go for two days because I'm trying to put my family first before I cheat on my pregnant girlfriend next week in Nashville, according to the previous.

Speaker 1 This

Speaker 1 guy, oh my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You act like you want to run the farm, but here you are putting your relationship first. You said you want a nameplate on my door.
Well, I'm not taking your problems when you're gone. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to take on your problems. He's like, good, because you won't have to deal with none of my problems.
Guess what? We'll have to. Everyone else, when the wheel falls off,

Speaker 2 my combine.

Speaker 1 It's like you can't even deal with your own problems. So Stephen storms off.
I mean, this guy is like, just admit that you fucked up and try and make it better. But it's Cole.

Speaker 1 So he's like, uh-oh, you suck more.

Speaker 1 So then we.

Speaker 2 Wait, one more thing, Cole. Get your fucking face back right here.
You stand right here. I'm going to say this to your face, and I'm not afraid to say it.
You stupid melted candle of a man.

Speaker 2 I like your jacket.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Have fun.

Speaker 1 Thank you. you.
Actually, I like Steven now. I like Steven now.
I don't know how he did that. I don't know.

Speaker 1 So then we see Casey and Cole traveling to their baby moon desk.

Speaker 1 They're in the car, and he's like, Wow, you've been in the car. She's like, Yeah, it's my first time in the car.
This is really so amazing. What is this? Four wheels.
This is crazy.

Speaker 1 What's that little stick you're moving? Don't tell me, don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise.

Speaker 2 Wow, look at this, a highway. I've never seen a highway before.

Speaker 2 So they arrive and they're driving and they go to Estes Park, Colorado. Wow, it's a park named after my favorite actor, Rob Estes.

Speaker 2 And then they're driving and they're looking at the mountains and she's like, look,

Speaker 1 wow, we're officially in the mountains now.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I've never seen a rock that big. This is the best trip I ever seen.
It's like, Casey,

Speaker 2 you're just looking at a North Face store. The mountain is the other direction oh lord that's a big mountain ma'am that's a burger king okay still

Speaker 1 they're so fancy in this new country

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 yeah she sees the mountains and you know they are beautiful it's colorado but it's just funny she's like wow it's so big we're officially in a mountain i never seen a rock that big

Speaker 1 Last time

Speaker 1 we were going to say that.

Speaker 2 I'm sure the entire trip was this. Wait, I never seen a rock that big.
Wait, that rock's even bigger. I never saw a rock that big.
Wait, I never saw a rock that big.

Speaker 2 It's like, Casey, can you just wait till we watch to see the whole range? And then afterwards, we can assess which rock was the biggest.

Speaker 1 Finally, a state where she's topped by every single sentence.

Speaker 2 Casey, like seeing a poster of Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

Speaker 1 They go to this cabin resort, which is really cute, and they get a nice little cabin. And then we go back to Galatian,

Speaker 1 and there are sirens, guys. What has Galena done? Nope.
Don't worry, everybody. We had a combine going too fast

Speaker 1 and it lost a tire today and it drove off the road. Thankfully, there was no other drivers around, so it didn't hit any other cars.
And Cole, Cole picked his worst time to go on the honeymoon.

Speaker 1 He could have been helping me here with this. Why would you trust Cole to help you with a fucking car wreck in the middle of a road? He's not going to help you.

Speaker 2 You have a wheel the size of a starbucks drive-through has tumbled off of your enormous small penis farm machine and it's trampled probably five bunnies in that off the side of the road and cole is not going to be able to help

Speaker 2 you ever see those competitions on espn where it's like world strongest man and they find these tires and they flip them over it's hard for the world's strongest man you think cole is going to be able to come even close to lifting that an inch off the floor this builder turning the changing the channels again he's scratching the channel

Speaker 1 he's killing me today

Speaker 2 he's really acting he's really coaling it up over there.

Speaker 1 He really is. He's misbehaving.

Speaker 1 He's not getting enough attention because I was also there. Waiting now.
I'm back and I'm not petting him every few seconds. So he's like, Guess what?

Speaker 1 I'm going to go through the trash and scratch your couch and turn the TV on with my butthole.

Speaker 2 He's like, I'm a cat.

Speaker 1 I'm sure of the stolen chicken.

Speaker 2 That's my protests. My favorite.

Speaker 1 We are all ginger. We are all ginger.

Speaker 2 They are way too casual about the fact that this big-ass tire went flying off their combine. It has bothered me so much.
Like, this is such a big deal. And they're like, wow, that was crazy.

Speaker 2 And Tessa's like, well, as soon as we crested that hill, the whole thing slams and we start sliding. I start praying and never being so thankful for something to come to a stop before.

Speaker 2 I'm like, that is exactly what the employees at Golden Corral said when Cole walked in. It's so funny that she said that.

Speaker 1 Thank you for coming in, Cole. It was good to see you tell your daddy hi.
God, I've never been so thankful to watch something come to a stop before.

Speaker 2 Well, everyone, we're closed for the day. No more inventory left.

Speaker 2 So rude. Because he threw it out, guys.
I'm not fat-shaming Cole.

Speaker 1 He just went and threw out all their food. So now we go back to the line.

Speaker 2 That's so obnoxious of me.

Speaker 2 It really is.

Speaker 2 I crossed the line. line.

Speaker 1 Crossed the line. Whatever.

Speaker 1 We go to Cole and Casey, and they're overlooking the mountains. They're getting a drink.
They're getting

Speaker 1 some octails. And he's like, well, it was awesome.
You know, now I don't know about you, but I could see myself as spending forever with you. You know, I definitely want to be together.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, you know, like, basically, can't you tell? I was just telling someone I wanted to eat her ass in front of everybody. You know, I mean, we're together.

Speaker 1 We're already going to be raising a kid. We might as well just be together forever.

Speaker 1 so are you proposing you're not proposing you're just waiting they're not married no they're boyfriend and girlfriend so no this is the conversation they're like should we stay together

Speaker 2 oh so that they were setting it up like they were like it was gonna be a thing that's why it was like oh never seen a rock this big before it was a big teaser about like

Speaker 2 I was wondering I was wondering why all their these ring double entendres. I just assumed they were married.
They were like, oh, we're the best we could do with each other. You know, it's us.

Speaker 1 No, because she's trying to like make a stand that she's strong and she's going to wait for him to change, but he's never going to change. And she's going to marry her anyway.

Speaker 1 And we all fucking know it. So whatever.

Speaker 2 Also, Casey, I hope you learned a valuable lesson. Use a condom next time.
Have him use a condom. Please.

Speaker 2 It's really not her fault. It's his fault.

Speaker 1 So we go to,

Speaker 1 let's see, then he's like, maybe we could be together forever. And she's like, well, I mean, maybe,

Speaker 1 but, you know,

Speaker 1 I feel triggered sometimes, but, you know, because you want to go out and you, you, you like, I, you know, it would be nice if you were with me because I'm pregnant and stuff, but I don't want you to feel like I'm holding you back or nothing.

Speaker 1 He's like, I don't feel stuck with you.

Speaker 1 If that's what you're trying to say, I mean, I still go to Nashville, I still fuck other people. So, I mean, I'm fine.
No, but I don't want you to do that. Yeah, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to Nashville fucking other people like next week or last week.

Speaker 2 Or maybe right now, this is actually just an AI projection of me while I'm fucking someone else.

Speaker 2 Listen, I don't feel stuck with you at all. I just feel disappointed with you.
That's it. Okay.

Speaker 2 And you know what? However, I acted in the past, I just wanted to be you at Blair forever. Without me, by the way, I just want you to point out it's just you two are in that equation.

Speaker 2 Okay, enjoy you and Blair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you guys have fun not getting child support. Okay,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 then we go to some

Speaker 1 back to Gallatin. We're going to another international restaurant.
This one is Café Verona.

Speaker 1 Oh, how shaky? I guess I should say Verona. Cafe Verona.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. I feel like I've been transported to Europe.
So in walks Christy.

Speaker 2 You can tell because

Speaker 2 the amount of static.

Speaker 2 static cling rises in the restaurant. She walks by.
Everyone's hair just rises up.

Speaker 1 I have a a table too for Todd Stick. Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just, I'm holding a Todd Stick.

Speaker 1 I'll have a table for two. It's two blondes.
One has dry hair and one's a whore. So wherever you could see this.

Speaker 2 Yes, we're under the reservation for original Targaryens. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 they sit down. Aglina's like, oh, it has been a long time.
And you know what? Thank you for wanting to, for, for much, for wanting to meet with me.

Speaker 2 I know I've been wanting to meet with you for a very long time. She's like, like, yeah, well, I didn't really want to meet with you.
Just my boy said I had to meet with you.

Speaker 2 And I can't ever say no to those boys. That's why that turned out so well.

Speaker 2 Okay, so what's going on? What, what are you, what's first on the slut agenda?

Speaker 1 I'm thinking of having girls just so I can tell somebody no. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And by the way, thank you for wanting to be here. Well, I loved when she said that.
And I was like, damn, Chrissy, Chrissy can get cold. And I like it.

Speaker 1 And Galena says, well, I'm now realizing dong, dong, dong, ding, dong to Galena, you know after all these years for the first time what it feels like to be other woman ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Speaker 1 yeah because it looks like she's gonna be like it's okay you know water under the bridge but she gives her that look but then she goes that could be and that wasn't okay that wasn't okay okay not okay well i feel horrible now that i am the one experiencing it i never had times to apologize i never gave you chance to kill my chickens and so therefore i brought a live chicken here, named Ginger.

Speaker 2 If you would like to stab it to death, I want you to be the one to do it.

Speaker 1 You get the revenge you deserve. Let us go to Stephen's house and you could put shoes in dishwasher.
Please, at the very least.

Speaker 2 Well, she goes, you know, I never had to pay chance to apologize or tell you my side of the story. And I love it.
She's like, yeah, I don't need you to tell me your side of the story.

Speaker 2 Okay, because the drama now between you and Masha, I mean, it's affecting the boys. Okay, it's just not okay.

Speaker 2 If I have to hear one more time that Stephen could not attend to the car washes because he had to take you to past the villa one more time, I just can't deal with it. Okay, it is evil.

Speaker 2 It is malicious. And I really just want the chaos to end.
Okay, well, you could always get the new hairstyle. I'm not talking about my split ends.

Speaker 1 Galena just like smiles tightly and nods like, oh, this is not what this is supposed to be.

Speaker 1 And Chris's like, yeah, because now the FBI investigation is weighing on us. And Stephen calls me at night and we talk till the morning about it.
And then all day. And I'm asking you for your help.

Speaker 1 Please be less drunk and stupid. okay? Please,

Speaker 1 and she's like, Well, it's been stressful for me as well. Well, well, unfortunately, I don't care, okay?

Speaker 1 So, um, you can pull yourself together to help the boys, they need you, and that might help too. I mean, if it makes you feel better, go to the past, clean their toilets, okay?

Speaker 2 You know what? Family is everything to us. A wise woman once said, when you're here, you're family, and you're either with us or you're out

Speaker 1 or

Speaker 2 maybe against us how's that go again

Speaker 1 and they show coming up next week we see the family goes to Nashville against all the girls wishes and Cole they find a woman's boot in Cole's room like wait who slept with that girl from last night who did it and then they show him waking up Cole and him being like uh

Speaker 1 so nice Cole you couldn't even make it a fucking week without after your phony ass trip to with your girlfriend, Shane. Well,

Speaker 2 I can't even believe they're going to Nashville in the middle of the harvest.

Speaker 2 Well, coal is needed. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 1 very needed.

Speaker 2 Fun times. Fun times.

Speaker 2 Thank you, everyone, for being here. Be sure to catch us tomorrow for some real housewives of Miami.
Catch you in the next one. Bye, everyone.

Speaker 1 Bye.

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Speaker 6 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 6 Then, the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.

Speaker 1 It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water.

Speaker 6 And it's racing straight toward you. On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami.

Speaker 6 It struck Thailand without warning. No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 6 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 6 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.