#2957 The Valley S2E17 Part 1: Jaximum Impact

Speaker 1 This time of year, it's sensory overload everywhere, but one feeling we're still chasing cozy. And Bombas has the socks, slippers, tees, and basically everything to get you there.

Speaker 1 They're really stepping up their footwear too. New colors, new styles, fluffy things, suede things.
If you've got feet, they've got something for them. And I love putting on a fresh new sock.

Speaker 1 That's one of my favorite things when you get brand new socks and you put them on and you're just like walking on clouds. I love it.
And Bombas really delivers on that front.

Speaker 1 Head over to bombas.com slash crap ins and use code crapins for 20% off your first purchase. That's bombbas.com slash crap ins code crap ins to checkout.

Speaker 1 You already know we love virgin voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.
We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Speaker 1 Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

Speaker 1 And unlike most of the cast Cast of the valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free. No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

Speaker 1 The destinations are amazing too. Some highlights Aruba, St.
Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, The Med. Oh my God, the boats are beautiful.
They're so modern.

Speaker 1 The rooms are just so luxurious. I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.
I also just love that they are are tailored for adult experiences. That makes me so happy.

Speaker 1 Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages. Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Speaker 1 Ronnie, the holidays are around the corner and you got that nice house of yours that you've been decorating. I think it's time that you add some holiday cheer to it with Wayfair.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the only person I'm going to use. Wayfair is the place to shop for all things home.

Speaker 1 Everything from sofas to spatulas, you name it, they have it and you can get it up to 70% off during Wayfair's Black Friday sale. I love my Wayfair finds.
All the stuff in my office.

Speaker 1 I've got stuff on my patio. I've got stuff all over the place.
And, you know, holiday stuff is going to be coming up next.

Speaker 1 It really is the go-to destination for everything home, no matter your style or budget. I have a beautiful leather couch and it's a pullout that people sleep on.

Speaker 1 It's the most comfortable pullout I've ever had. No one complains about a pullout.
And do you know how rare that is? I got that from Wayfair.

Speaker 1 Everything you need for your living room, outdoor areas, bedroom, and more. Wayfair makes it easy with fast and free shipping, even on the big stuff.
Don't miss out on early Black Friday deals.

Speaker 1 Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals up to 70% off. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.
Sale ends December 7th.

Speaker 1 Watch what crappiness.

Speaker 1 Watch what craft is. Who cares what happens? But there's so much good crap.

Speaker 1 Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens? I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there.
Hello, you little Benooni Tunes.

Speaker 1 Hi, how's it going? Sock God.

Speaker 1 Everybody, welcome to the show. It's the Valley Reunion Part Today.

Speaker 1 We do these on video. You can find those on Crappins on Demand on our Patreon.
Also, that's where you get our bonus episodes, which we'll be recording, I don't know, today, tomorrow. Who knows?

Speaker 1 But it's coming. We also did a Dwell Hello this week, which is a househunters recap of the Cougar episode that just aired.
Everybody's talking about it.

Speaker 1 So you can find that on Wondry Plus. And we do Amazon Lives every other week.
We'll do that one August 18th at 4 p.m. Pacific time.

Speaker 1 And also, we've got Crappy Hour coming up Monday, which is on our YouTube channel. That's at 5.30 p.m.
Pacific time. So a lot going on.
Check our socials. You know what? Lincoln bio on the Instagram.

Speaker 1 Look at the Lincoln bio. What's going on with you today, Ben?

Speaker 1 Not much. Just really enjoyed that Valley reunion last night.
Still really going strong. That's basically it.
Stories of a narcissist over and over, like music to my ears. I'm sorry, okay.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry, okay.
I wish someone would just do a super cut of Jack's at reunions for, what, 12 years now?

Speaker 1 Just, well, not 12, because he got fired from Vanderpump rules, but, you know, just sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Over and over.

Speaker 1 And still does the same shit, Ben.

Speaker 1 Just pretending. Just pretending to like own things.
He's like, yeah, no, I do this. I do this.
Yeah, it was my bad. I know I need help.

Speaker 1 I am, I'm a work in progress. I need to, I don't know why I do these things.
I got to do them.

Speaker 1 And he says that every single, every single reunion in a very matter of fact sort of faux accountable way it's almost believable maybe in the beginning we did believe it but yeah same old story from that guy yeah fuck that guy uh so here we are with the valley reunion part two so we open with andy's uh we're back with the valley reunion oh by the way i'm still wearing sunglasses because today i had to get another surgery on my little eye to take out a gigantic bowling ball size style not to be dramatic but it was dramatic now i I look like I really had the shit kicked out of me.

Speaker 1 So thanks a lot, doctor. Actually, he did a great job, but I hope he did a great job.
Who knows? Maybe I have a boob on my eye. I don't know, but that's why.
So anyway, sorry for the douche glasses.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're back with the Valley Reunion. I'm Addie Cohen.
Jax, I'm exhausted. Also, you've been sober for how long? Jax is not sober.
I don't care what anybody says.

Speaker 1 And I know you're not supposed to say that because the magic words are once somebody says you're sober on Bravo, then everybody's supposed to believe it and go with it. Jax ain't sober.

Speaker 1 I don't believe that for two seconds, but okay, I'll go along with you because we've got a long road to hoe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well,

Speaker 1 that's also how you would describe Jax's reality TV career. So

Speaker 1 that is a dead end hoed road.

Speaker 1 That road has been over-hoed, Ben.

Speaker 1 The hoe, the hoe. Well, listen, one thing about a hoe is that

Speaker 1 it's always there ready to go. You know, weeds keep growing, hoes keep hoeing.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Brittany is like, yeah, hello, I've got like back a hundred drug tests and I've given them to him sporadically. This is what she said last time.
And then Jack's like, twice, twice.

Speaker 1 He says it like accusatory as if like, I don't know what point he's trying to make. Like, no, she doesn't test me enough.

Speaker 1 So she, and she's like, yeah, he passes and everything. He's like, keep testing me.
I want you to test me. I mean, hold me accountable.

Speaker 1 Because in my head, if I ever try to slip again, I know that you're going to test me anytime you want. And I want you to test me.

Speaker 1 Cause like not only for you, but for me, because I don't want to touch drugs, alcohols again. It like fucked up my life.

Speaker 1 It fucked up my life.

Speaker 1 Really? Because five minutes ago, you said drug and alcohol, drugs and alcohol weren't your problem. It was just anger.
So I do not believe you.

Speaker 1 Well, that's how much it fucked up his life is that it fooled him into thinking it wasn't his problem. Wanted a problem.
He forgot five minutes ago. Yeah, he forgot.
By the way,

Speaker 1 congratulations on your 156 days of false sobriety. 156 days of sobriety? No, you lie.
lie.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I think he's insinuating it's kind of Britney's fault because she doesn't test him enough to keep him accountable.

Speaker 1 And the name of the game is everyone else needs to keep Jax accountable, except unless it's by telling him stuff he did wrong. He doesn't like that.

Speaker 1 So, Jax, besides the therapy that you're into, do you have any kind of support for your sobriety? And he's like, Yeah, you know, I have a sobriety coach. I have a life coach I really like.

Speaker 1 I'm, you know, I'm doing AA. I'm doing the AA, the AA.

Speaker 1 You know, one more they'll change my tire for free which is fucking great. No one told me about that.
Thanks Brittany But you know, I didn't want to go you know, I'm not gonna lie to you.

Speaker 1 I'm not gonna lie to you here because I'm Jacks. I don't lie right but you know, I did not want to go to that.
I did not want to go to the AA, but I did. I did.
Hold on. Let me cry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just so grateful that he's doing this. And of course, when he says he's going,

Speaker 1 he just means buying some batteries, you know, but I'm still grateful for that. And like, nobody wants him to clean, be clean more than me, you know, for our son.

Speaker 1 And because I have to deal with him for the rest of my life. He's like, well, here's the thing.
All that matters is our little boy, whatever his name is. And I want to be a good father.
That's it.

Speaker 1 I just, I want to be there for you no matter what. You can call me anytime.
You can tell me. And when our son is finally born, I cannot wait to hold him in my arms.
JVC is three years old.

Speaker 1 And by the way, speaking of double A's, I asked for double A's and you got me quadruple D's.

Speaker 1 Listen, I got, I got, you know, I've got my, I got so many coaches right now. I've got double D coaches.
I got a coach bag. I got a coach ticket.
I've got reruns of that show. Coach.
Love that.

Speaker 1 That's great to love.

Speaker 1 He just keeps buying her everything bigger than she wanted.

Speaker 1 Jax, that is, that is does not fit in the carry-on section.

Speaker 1 So, um, you know, he does the whole, oh, I'll just do it all for my son. Give me a fucking break.
You're moving. You,

Speaker 1 I can't list the shit Jax has done wrong to his son again, but nobody believes you and also you moved into a four-story condo with a fucking tony child with his bedroom probably on the fourth floor okay yeah so he's like uh yeah my son i do it all for the boys i'm just like well you know i don't trust you because you say things and then you fight with me every day and then you try to flip it and act like i was the one that did something wrong and he's like you're right you're right you know what you're right i start these fights because you know there's days where i'm like you know we should get divorced you know so we're toxic so that's why i start fights you know but then there's days where we're like, we'll get along.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I could still fuck her. Like, there was no one at the AMP of this morning.
So, and then I'll text her, you know? So it's my fault. It's my fault.
But you know what? I do it for my son.

Speaker 1 You know how hard that is on me. Okay.
You know, you know how much that messes with my mind. He goes, I'm confused.
What can I do? I know we're not good together.

Speaker 1 I know that, but it's still fucking hard. I'm a human being.
I had 10 years with this woman. Okay.
It's not fun to cheat when you don't have no one to cheat on, you know?

Speaker 1 So Brittany's like, well, you're just saying this okay because somebody's got because i'm

Speaker 1 cheating on i'm just kind of a guy who fucks a lot of random people you know i mean there's no title in that

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, like, what happens to the cows who can't come home to dinner? What if the dinner divorces them? Okay. It's like hard, man.

Speaker 1 It's like, well, you're just saying this because simultaneously, I'm getting DAMs. That's direct messages, by the way, from these girls that they say that you're love bombing.

Speaker 1 Okay, you're telling these girls that you want to take a bath with their love.

Speaker 1 Is that what love bombing is i don't know but you know what they you say that you want them to move in with you how did you do that jax

Speaker 1 oh my god and zach is sitting over there making his like

Speaker 1 looks when jax is like i've been there i've been here 10 years with this woman he goes that you threw away that you threw away you threw it away uh so he's like you know what i don't know how to handle this i just i what am i supposed to do how am i supposed to handle it how am i supposed to and she's like yeah you're trying to hurt me with all these girls You know, I don't deserve to have to read this stuff.

Speaker 1 It hurts me. It hurts me, Jack.
Well, call Zuckerberg. You know, no one's making you read every DM you get, but still,

Speaker 1 anti-Jax. But still.
She's like, I shouldn't have to read DMs. Well,

Speaker 1 now we're just mad at the internet.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 let's hear from Jason, who we will later find out was so massively disgusted by what Danny did. So clearly he will hold Jax the same standard.

Speaker 1 Well, I will say, though, that the fact that Jax has been abusing cocaine for like 20 years, it's going to take a while for the depression things to stabilize.

Speaker 1 So Brittany, I think you should just sort of suck it up and, you know, be a good wife to him. Well, you know, he's a dry drunk.
Okay, guess what? He's dry drunk.

Speaker 1 Okay, he is like that type of shamboo that's a powder. Hey, he's like that.
I just don't like this personality.

Speaker 1 I mean, the therapist literally said to us that we could treat depression, we could treat bipolar, but we could never treat narcissism. Andy's like,

Speaker 1 oh, well, Jax, Brittany says that

Speaker 1 you have said over the years that, you know, I gave you all this. This is all because of me.
Chances are

Speaker 1 like you would be living in Kentucky married like a local doctor. Jax, what do you say about that? I'm sorry.
I can't, I can't go on. I need to stop for a minute.
Jason, fuck off.

Speaker 1 Like, seriously, Jason, with his... Oh, yeah, Jax, poor Jax.
He's been abusing cocaine for like 20 plus years. I mean, what did the guy take a secret shot in the closet on a trip? No.

Speaker 1 Why are we excoriating the poor guy?

Speaker 1 Poor cocaine addict Jax, can we just give Jax a break? Doctors, go fuck yourself. I cannot believe anybody has ever liked this fucking guy.
Fuck you, Jason.

Speaker 1 Okay, so thank you. So Andy's like, yeah, so you'd think she'd be married to like a doctor? And Jax is like, probably a basketball player.

Speaker 1 And Jax is like, yeah, I don't, you know, I was never her type ever.

Speaker 1 I was never her type. I don't even know why I dated her.

Speaker 1 And I think Jax is saying saying that she only dates black guys when it's not Jax, which of course, you know, leave it to Jax to, you know, bring, bring a tinge of racism into everything at the reunion because he's not in enough shit.

Speaker 1 And Brittany's like, I was with you for 10 years. I don't know what you're talking about.
Like, everyone knows that I loved you. And he's like, the DMs I was getting from her friends back in Kentucky.

Speaker 1 I mean, let me tell you, you want to talk about DMs? What about the DMs I got for people in Kentucky?

Speaker 1 Jake, I was with you for 10 years. He's like, Well, it was just hurtful to you.
It was hurtful. It was so hurtful.

Speaker 1 You know, it's also hurtful when your husband sends you rage checks incessantly and then acts like he wants to get back together with you. And then when you fall for it, he sends you more rage checks.

Speaker 1 I think that's a little bit more hurtful than you. And then she rains.

Speaker 1 And abuses you, and throws furniture at you, and punches holes in the wall while

Speaker 1 your kids are around and turns your knees black and goes and stops paying the mortgage after kicking her out of the house with their autistic son. Please.

Speaker 1 Please, you're hurt about the fucking Kentucky DMs.

Speaker 1 A, I'm impressed that Britney's friends in Kentucky can use a DM because I saw her spin off.

Speaker 1 So cheers to them. I never thought you had it in you.
Am I assuming this is all voice to text?

Speaker 1 Second, shut up, Jax.

Speaker 1 So Jax is like, and he's like, well, what did those, what did the people in Kentucky say? Were there any dick pics would you like to show me?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, they just were saying that she would never date somebody like that like that she wanted to be on reality tv and like i'm not even his type so he what he's really saying is

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 yeah she used him she's like jayx okay because it's your fans in the comments okay you're listen it doesn't count when you dm yourself under your frank drabin username okay and then you're dm and guess what we proved that it wasn't even that girl that worked at hooters okay because so why you bring that up whenever you know it's a lie okay because i'm because he's trying here to make me look a certain way, and that's not true, Jax.

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to make you look a certain way. I just want to say the truth, Jax.
And he's like. Okay, so wait, let me get this straight.

Speaker 1 So Jax went into his DMs and got a girl who was cosplaying as a Hooters girl who worked with Britney and said she's just some slut that's using Jax.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So you're,

Speaker 1 first of all, I love that. Who is that? Is she in the audience? Please DM us because that's amazing.
I love that someone just cosplayed that.

Speaker 1 I worked with Brittany and let me tell you, she's been using you this whole time. She told me at the ranch station at the Hooters.

Speaker 1 Watch out. Beware.
You got a beware DM from a fake Hooters girl. I mean, you can't make this shit up.
She would have left Jax a long time ago if she was using Jax.

Speaker 1 Like, as soon as she saw a good opportunity to leave, opportunity to leave, which would have been season six, after he cheated on her

Speaker 1 one of the times. She would have left then if she was using him.
I'm pretty sure she was not using Jax. I'm pretty sure that there was probably a, well, I'm not pretty sure.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying I'm pretty sure because you did. But

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure you're saying I'm pretty sure because I said I'm pretty sure. I'm sure of nothing really.
But

Speaker 1 I think that probably she was using him a bit. I mean, look, you go, you meet this loser in Vegas and you don't move to LA because of Jax, because he's Jax.

Speaker 1 All he had going for him was that he was on TV show. That again, then again, is that really using somebody?

Speaker 1 I mean, when you're dating somebody, you look at all their positives and their negatives one of the positives was he was on tv and she wanted to be on tv so why not why is that worse than like he had a good job as a you know i was going to say lawyer but that's really pushing it in this example like a you know very

Speaker 1 i don't know uh very high up in the world you know garbage man and you know you think that that's a good living for you and that can support you what's the difference like so what she met this guy all he had to offer was being on tv no one's fucking jack's for any other reason

Speaker 1 yeah i that's that's what i would have to say i think it's okay i think it's okay to meet someone who's on tv and be like starstruck and start to like and they're handsome and you see a fantasy where you think like oh my god like i might date this guy who's on tv and maybe i'll even be on tv and i don't think that's like i guess technically that could be considered using someone but i think it's okay to sort of have like a fairy tale moment and and unfortunately don't realize that you are latching yourself on to like the monster in the swamp and not Prince Charming.

Speaker 1 But hey, you know, not all fairy tales can be good. But if you guys aren't allowed to fuck each other to be on TV, we wouldn't have half of the Vanderpump Rules universe.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's how most of these people got cast. You know, we can go down the list.
James, Jenna is the newer one.

Speaker 1 Well, she's trying. Jenna's trying.
Janet didn't fuck anybody. Stasse, you know, she

Speaker 1 cosplayed as a Sheena friend for years to do it. I mean, don't forget that

Speaker 1 Stasi was like on the amazing race long before Vanderpump Rules ever came around. Everyone is a whore for TV.
I'm a whore for TV. Sheena literally started Vanderpump Rules.

Speaker 1 She had the first scene in Vanderpump Rules because she was sleeping with somebody's husband, some famous person's husband, you know, or no, some person's famous husband, I guess I should say.

Speaker 1 Lisa Vanderpump, I mean, she was in a music video for Poison Arrow. Shoot that poison arrow in my heart.

Speaker 1 Remember? So everyone whores themselves out to become famous. Everyone does it.
What's the point we're trying to make, by the way?

Speaker 1 The point was that people sleep with each other to get on Vanderpemp rules and just spin-offs all the time. So, you know, it's like, what do you should check somebody for going to an audition?

Speaker 1 I mean, what kind of, what kind of LA people are these?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 Jax is saying that you start to get in your head about things because he, God forbid, this snowflake gets a DM from a random person in Kentucky and his world falls apart.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, he's complaining about people getting it like how you get into your head sometimes.

Speaker 1 You know, it will also get you in your head when your own husband tells you you're fat and worthless and stupid and then cheats on you. That'll get into your head too.

Speaker 1 I think that's probably a situation he may want to look into. So Brittany is like

Speaker 1 something no one is ever going to accuse Shax of is something getting into his head.

Speaker 1 And there's so much room. That's the pity.
I mean, getting so many ways in, so many wide passages in now.

Speaker 1 There's so much room in there. And just, yet, nothing has struck me.

Speaker 1 He really did the, he basically did, You know, how like Boston has the big dig where they just built a giant tunnel like under the city? That's what he did with his nose.

Speaker 1 So, like, everything can get into that brain, but for some reason, it's just it won't go in. It's like getting a cat to play with a scratching post, you know? It's just the cat wants the cat.

Speaker 1 It's exit only.

Speaker 1 It's like an unmarried butthole. Exit only.

Speaker 1 It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

Speaker 1 So, Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Speaker 1 Here's your invitation to have it all. Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.
Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field.

Speaker 1 Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Speaker 1 Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy romanticy series from Sarah J.

Speaker 1 Moss and Rebecca Yaros, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Speaker 1 Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com/slash crap-ins. That's audible.com/slash crap-ins.

Speaker 1 You know that feeling when you come home late from work and those puppy dog eyes just pierce right through your soul? Or when you're packing for a trip and your cat refuses to leave your suitcase?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we've all been there. Pet parent guilt is real and you know what? It's completely normal.
That's exactly why Hill's Pet Nutrition exists.

Speaker 1 They understand that being a pet parent means being human with all our imperfections and daily juggling acts. Hill's science-led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible.

Speaker 1 Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance attention between multiple pets, Hill's Pet Nutrition gets it.

Speaker 1 They've created science-based nutrition that supports your pet's lifelong health so you can feel confident even when life gets hectic. Because you're only human, there's hills.
Science does more.

Speaker 1 Ready to let go of the guilt? Find the right food at hillspet.com slash crappins. That's hillspet.com slash crappins.
So, um,

Speaker 1 Jax is saying, like, yeah, you get into your heads, and Brittany's like, what? You were the one who came up to me at the bar. I did not chase you in Vegas.
Okay. I did not damn you.
I did nothing.

Speaker 1 You came up to me. He's like, this is new,

Speaker 1 by the way, Ben, because for years, the rumors are that brittany heard that jax and the gang were going to be in vegas and her mom was like you better get to vegas and get you on tv and then brits went brit went up and then started flirting with jax and did all this to like you know worm her way onto tv so this is actually fairly big news i think for anybody who follows you know like reddit gossip like me yeah

Speaker 1 excited Yeah, it's actually not true. I mean, she was in Vegas and Jax was the one who came up to her.
So there you go. There's like, that's like the end of lost.

Speaker 1 You know, we were all wondering the truth and now we got it. We all got it.
And then Andy Coatwin is like, okay, I need to ask a question that's going to bring everyone together.

Speaker 1 Are you guys, are you guys upset that Hooters is going out of business?

Speaker 1 You're like, especially Jax, everyone, but especially Jax Brittany. Brittany's like, yes,

Speaker 1 and Jax is like, yes, of course. It's like saying,

Speaker 1 isn't it terrible that there was an assassination somewhere? Well, of course. No one likes assassinations.

Speaker 1 Yeah, everybody's all upset. And Jackson's like, well, you know, they're not going out of business.
They're just restructuring. And Brittany goes, I wish I could bomb one, honestly.
I wish I could.

Speaker 1 Brittany, I think you've invested in enough dead-end streets. You know, leave it up to Brittany to like want to throw her entire life into something that's failing.
Like, have we learned nothing?

Speaker 1 Look outside your window, Brittany. It's an antivan.
Get in. I've got a fly swatter in my hand and I'm ready to teach.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Swat you on your little bet until you start learning some lessons. Hooters? Come on, Brittany.
Let her have her pop-up moment. Mel.
Hooters by Brittany, the Hooters Experience by Brittany.

Speaker 1 I think she's going to be like, you know,

Speaker 1 we're talking about Joanne Fabrics. No, Joanne Fabrics.
Wait a second. Now, wait a second.

Speaker 1 Ronnie, now let's. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's not.

Speaker 1 I told you Joanne wouldn't. No, I'm just telling you, like, why, why do you have to bring it there? Why do you have to like, why do you have to mention that? Like, we're having fun.

Speaker 1 We're, we're punching down on Brittany and jax maybe even some hooters and you and then you're gonna like just add joanne fabrics into the mix like we're some of us are still mourning okay this is fresh because joanne fabrics has been dying for like 20 years they've been having going out of business sales for 20 fucking years in that store and still it's like britney would pass that and think wow that's a good there's a good next chapter for me

Speaker 1 Britney, Brittany's so this whole thing is so messy. I would not be surprised if she has some midlife crisis, cuts her hair short, and then goes on some spiritual quest to find Joanne.

Speaker 1 She's like, I've had enough. She may be going out of business, but she's not going out of my life.
Where is Joanne? I'm going to find her, damn it. I'm going to find Joanne.

Speaker 1 Joanne's been to paradise, but have she ever been to me?

Speaker 1 Well, I got to Bannigans and I was like, well, I found Bannigan. So I thought that was good enough.
So I stopped trying to look for Joanne. I'm happy now.

Speaker 1 Brittany has made so many bad decisions over the past decade. I hope her midlife crisis is just making a good decision for once, you know? Because usually it's the other way around.

Speaker 1 It's like you finally start getting sloppy at your midlife crisis. I hope Brittany's like, you know what? I'm going to school and I'm going to a relationship coach.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would like her to do some sort of continuing education. And a stylist.

Speaker 1 She's like, a stylist would actually be even more impressive.

Speaker 1 I think she needs to like sit down in front of me. I'm enrolling in community college.
What'd you say?

Speaker 1 She needs to sit down in front of Law Roach and get some assistance. I still haven't watched that.
The Project Runway. It was terrible.

Speaker 1 It was, you know, you said it's terrible, but then my friend last night was like, oh, it's so good. You should watch it.

Speaker 1 Well, we are all allowed to have a difference of opinions because gays are not monolith. Neither are gays and gals.
Neither is anyone.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, you know what? Fine.

Speaker 1 fine but i didn't like it no i thought it was i thought they like destroyed it i mean i'm gonna watch the whole thing because it's still like the core is still there and so at core it's still good but they made it so stupid they just destroyed all the

Speaker 1 parts

Speaker 1 nina is still there i mean they just they just tried to they just tried to be really funny and really reality showy and they like the first challenge was like in the lobby of a building and it's just they took away like all the cool elements just it's very much like a food network show now and it's like very disappointing

Speaker 1 they didn't take away nina that's all i really need you know i love your buttons i love your seams i love your shoulder pads

Speaker 1 she yeah they also like don't show the eliminations anymore you have to wait a week which i think is really so stupid and annoying and then their big thing they're like because it's now on free form

Speaker 1 they now have the judges sitting on the other side of the runway guys it's a whole new project runway

Speaker 1 we've changed they changed up everything they refreshed it

Speaker 1 Free form.

Speaker 1 I don't like the changes they made. The changes are really bad, I think.
They're like really, really bad. I was watching it like, what the hell? Why'd they do this to the show? It was so unnecessary.

Speaker 1 Well, that sucks.

Speaker 1 But I'll still try. I'll still try it.
Except I saw that it was a two-episode premiere and I already got tired. I was going to watch it last night and I was like, I'm exhausted.

Speaker 1 I'm watching Avatar instead. And then I watched Avatar and I was like,

Speaker 1 why do I want to have a nine-foot-tall, thin blue body with a tail now? I'm turning this off.

Speaker 1 It's influencing me badly. I was like, can I get that surgery? Because they're kind of hot.
I love their eyes.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you're talking about Avatar, the Blue People, not Avatar, the Last Airbender. No, I haven't seen it.
No, that's very low island, though, huh? I love it. I love Avatar, the Last Airbender.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's right. That is very, very Nick.
Very Nick and Sierra. Anyway,

Speaker 1 so Jax. Back to the abyss.

Speaker 1 So, andy's like, Jesse, you lived with Jax a long time ago when you were both modeling. Was he doing drugs back then? This is a trick question, of course, he was.
It's part of being a model, isn't it?

Speaker 1 And Jack, and Jesse's like, Oh, for sure.

Speaker 1 And uh, Jesse's like, How do you think I got this hair dent? Jack sniffed off, snorted all my hair off in the middle of my head, so now I just have this dent here. Okay, cool.

Speaker 1 So, is that when you started Jax when you were my when you were modeling? He's like, Yeah, I think it was when I was in Miami, probably like a one or so. And Janet's like, I was in seventh grade.

Speaker 1 Zach is like, I was 14.

Speaker 1 This is the part of the episode where I just started getting mad because everyone on this show is such a fucking hypocrite. Like, is Jax a mess? Yes.

Speaker 1 Jesse, you weren't doing drugs as a model with Jax. I'm so sure.
Janet, all of you, all of you are fucking cokeheads. Brittany and Jasmine during that

Speaker 1 dinner in Santa Barbara or wherever they are were totally coked out of their mind. I mean, they all are are all the time.
So this is the part where it's like, I guess Jax has been caught.

Speaker 1 So we get to talk about his. But I'm impressed that Jax didn't out everybody on this show because I feel like at least 90% of these people are Cokeheads.

Speaker 1 The only ones really I'm excluding are Nia and her baby and Luke.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like Luke wouldn't pay for that. Luke is like, I'm not paying for Coke.
I will snort some, I will, I will get a paper bag and some spray paint. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going the Kim Richards route here. But note that this does not exonerate Jill, who we know is the biggest coke.
Jill's a dog on the show. Yeah, Jill's a coke.
Big cocaine.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Huge cocaine.
All right. Well,

Speaker 1 when you were on Vanderbum Rules, there was speculation from viewers, Jax, that you were on Coke. He's like, yeah, I mean, my eyes were bulging out of my head, you know?

Speaker 1 And so were you doing Coke in the filming? He's like, yeah. Yeah, I was.
And

Speaker 1 like the most obvious question. And he's like, when you watch yourself back, what did you think?

Speaker 1 I thought, there's a a handsome guy. There's a handsome guy who was duped by a woman who was just using him to get onto TV.
Poor guy, poor guy, driven to drugs by this woman.

Speaker 1 And you're just so disgusted with yourself, especially because you see yourself sweating because you're in love with this woman so much that you start to sweat. It's just gross.
So

Speaker 1 gross and sad. And Brittany calls him out because she's like, well, you might feel that now, but you've always loved yourself.

Speaker 1 Because, Jax, you have a picture of yourself raged out on Coke in the Abby Warhol style hanging in your home. What are you talking about? You're so disgusted seeing yourself on TV.

Speaker 1 You're literally taking the most iconic images of you

Speaker 1 Coke Rage and making them huge and hanging them in your home with your son. So please stop with this.
Like, oh, I'm just so disgusted with myself.

Speaker 1 And Kristen's like, number one guy in the group. Right.

Speaker 1 So Andy's like, yeah, you know, such a bad luck.

Speaker 1 And Jax at one point says something like, yeah, yeah, you know, like production did know, like, production didn't know, but, you know, like, I was, I was doing it. Production new.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's shots of you guys out of town with you hiding coke from the table. You're mic'd up.
Yeah. They hear you.
They hear you. Trying to exonerate production.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would go to dinner with him and he would leave me like every 10 minutes alone at the table. And they're like, wow.
And Jax's like, I liked it. You know, I fucking love drugs and alcohol.

Speaker 1 I fucking love doing cocaine. It's like, we know, we know.
All right, well, Brittany Jackson,

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 this morning, what

Speaker 1 yeah, this morning. Hey, so uh, Brittany Jacks told you from the facility that he had been diagnosed as bipolar, and you said that's not the first time he'd received that diagnosis.

Speaker 1 She's like, Yeah, so

Speaker 1 me and his sister begged him to go to the doctor before we even started filming the show because they told him he was bipolar and he never even got the prescription filled.

Speaker 1 So he already was bipolar, and he's acting like he went like he really sort of presented to America that he went to rehab to help himself and he got this diagnosis.

Speaker 1 And now he's going to sort of like start putting himself together when he had already received this diagnosis and was still not trying to do anything.

Speaker 1 And then we find out that he's not even really taking meds.

Speaker 1 When that happened on the show, I remember being like, oh, watch Jax. He's about to use this bipolar.
Let's watch how Jax uses this bipolar diagnosis to get pity or whatever.

Speaker 1 And I got in kind of trouble with a few people

Speaker 1 in the DMs, which I'm still traumatized by, 100 DMs.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 basically yelling at me for being insensitive about mental health. And I'm like, no, it's not being insensitive about mental health.
It's being insensitive about Jacks.

Speaker 1 It's knowing that a person like this is going to use whatever they can to get out of whatever they can. And sure enough, it was bullshit.
He had been diagnosed way before. So

Speaker 1 vindication for those three people on my DMs.

Speaker 1 Person who probably claims to work at hu-tas.

Speaker 1 So, Brittany's like, so that's what you'll do, Jax. You'll start a fighting with me.
And the reason because you, because he didn't take his bipolar medication that day, it doesn't work like that.

Speaker 1 And Zach is like, that's not how medicine works. And Britney's like, so why did you tell me you haven't taken your medication? And that's why you're acting that way.

Speaker 1 He's like, well, obviously, I still have some problems to work at. And I'm still angry.

Speaker 1 You know, maybe

Speaker 1 I'm a work in progress. Should I say that now? And I just feel like I don't have control.
I lose it it because control to me is a very big thing.

Speaker 1 And like rage texting and looking at cameras, that's a form of control for me. I love, God, my favorite rom-com in all the world is a sliver.
I love looking at cameras. I love that control.

Speaker 1 Do you know how creepy it is that you were watching on cameras?

Speaker 1 By the way, could you tilt that one a little more? Can I get the bathroom cameras in the dressing room to my earfeed? Thanks. Okay, go ahead.
Go ahead, answer.

Speaker 1 And Brittany's like, oh, yeah, yeah, he was telling me what I was wearing. He was telling me what I was wearing.
And trust me, it's much uglier when it's described.

Speaker 1 You know what, Jax? Go to the therapist and say, give me the tools that will help me. Every time I get to this point, give me like three things I can do to step myself out of it.

Speaker 1 So for instance, my therapist says I can put on some patchouli oil. The second thing I can do is listen to Landslide by Stevie Nicks.
And the third thing is sort of wrap my head in a Pashmina.

Speaker 1 It works every time.

Speaker 1 I just, I can't get past the Brittany Brittany saying Jax was calling her and telling her what she's wearing. I wonder how Jax was describing that.
I wonder how accurate like Jax's fashion sense is.

Speaker 1 Brittany, I see you right now. You're a 90% rayon halter top

Speaker 1 with cutouts that aren't quite placed properly in a color that doesn't flatter you.

Speaker 1 Damn it. He's calling me again.

Speaker 1 So Kristen is basically like, just call me, like, call someone. Call me.
Call Luke. Call someone, you know? And he's like, no, you guys hate me.
You guys fucking hate me.

Speaker 1 It's like, well, I hate what you did to her, but I don't hate you. So Brittany's like,

Speaker 1 I fucking hate you. I do.
I hate you.

Speaker 1 So Brittany is like, it doesn't matter how long you guys have known each other. Me and Kristen are far closer.
And Jack's like, I understand that, but Kristen.

Speaker 1 I didn't get to go to your baby shower. And you know how hurtful that was.
I've been in your life for 20 fucking years. And I know she's your friend, but I didn't get to go to your baby shower.

Speaker 1 Jax suddenly cares about going to a baby shower. Look, okay, this of all the things that he said that have been bullshit tonight and like for 10 years, this has to be the biggest one.

Speaker 1 Jax pretending to cry about not getting invited to a baby shower. I don't think I know anyone who's ever cried about not going, getting invited to a baby shower.

Speaker 1 They are wretched events.

Speaker 1 So Kristen's like, well, start treating her better and you'll be invited, Place. And he goes, yeah, but you know what? Not being invited hurts because I want to be involved with you guys.

Speaker 1 You know, I miss it. I miss it, guys.

Speaker 1 So Kristen's like, well, okay, but you've got to start somewhere. Just start with that, Jax.
Just start with that. And they're all crying.

Speaker 1 Everybody's like, oh, my God, look at how vulnerable Jax is being. This cast.
You know, I have to remind myself that everybody's trash.

Speaker 1 You know, like you like people more than others, but it's moments like this where I'm like, it's just varying shades of trash.

Speaker 1 Like watching everybody go around the room pretending they're dabbing their eyes as Jax is coming clean, as if he doesn't do this nine times a year, you know?

Speaker 1 So Jax is like, well, but I'm a sabotager, you know, and I'm a control freak. And it's just like, I just find a way to fuck things up.
That's just how I am. It's poor me, guys.
Poor me.

Speaker 1 Janet's like, well, you don't have to keep on doing it. Okay.
And she's like, yeah, you have a son now. You have a son now.
It's like, I do. That's amazing news.
But you know what?

Speaker 1 You can't just, you can't just change overnight. I'm trying, man.
I'm trying. I mean, narcissistic behavior, manipulation control.
These are issues. These are like deep-rooted issues.

Speaker 1 And I don't know where this came from.

Speaker 1 I can't change overnight, guys. So I'm just saying I have license to keep being a monster to all of you.
Okay. Because I'm going to say I'm going to change.
Yeah, that's exactly right.

Speaker 1 Well, he just says he's making, he's putting all of his behavior under the umbrella of illness of some kind. Like, I'm sick.
I can't fix it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sick. I need help.
Sorry. So why are you

Speaker 1 giving me props instead of, you know, tearing me down, guys?

Speaker 1 You know what? You constantly cite that I've ruined your life and you blame me for having to go to ram and not being able to film and losing jobs and this and that.

Speaker 1 And Jax is like, no, it's not your fault, but I needed someone to blame. You understand that.

Speaker 1 And of course, I'm going to blame the wife, the mother of my child, the person who stood through me, stood by me when no one else would. You're the best person to blame.

Speaker 1 You're like, that's, I mean, that was kind of funny, right? When I blamed you, that was funny. I was laughing.
Were you not laughing? You weren't laughing.

Speaker 1 So wait, now you see that I did the right thing.

Speaker 1 Do you think I did the right thing?

Speaker 1 And he's like, yeah, 100, you know, because if I didn't go to rehab, like, I would be here right now. I would not be here right now.

Speaker 1 I would probably be at

Speaker 1 the drive. But I'd be alive.
I'd be alive. Yeah.
If I didn't go to rehab, I'd be drinking somewhere right now. And Brittany's like, that was my biggest fear.

Speaker 1 I was going to find him in the bathroom somewhere. Truly, honestly, in a bathroom.
Not necessarily dead, but probably just pooping and ignoring me while I sat at the table. I was sitting at the table.

Speaker 1 Do you know how hard it is to sit alone at an Applebee's every 10 minutes? It's horrible. It's horrible.
You get to buy one of those two.

Speaker 1 Anyway, in his own way, through many reunions where I've sat here and

Speaker 1 with him and confronted him for horrible behavior, he has taken more accountability today than I've heard him take.

Speaker 1 What do you think about the more fake accountability tonight than in other nights of fake accountability? So Famby whipping out some congratulations. Wow, he's really doing it, guys.
This is amazing.

Speaker 1 This is amazing. And Brittany's like, well, you know, it's performative.
And I hope it's not performative. But I hope that he's very sorry.
But I just don't trust in two dice.

Speaker 1 He's going to be rice takes me and screaming at me again. I'm going.

Speaker 1 And Jack's like, I'm just so tired. I just can't stay here anymore.

Speaker 1 I can't do this like how many times like how many times like i can't sit here and say it's just gonna stop today i mean like am i gonna do my best sure like yeah sure can you look at her can you look at her kigal can you seriously can you look at me the whole time he hadn't even looked at me the whole time he ain't even looking at me What am I wearing?

Speaker 1 You don't even know what I'm wearing. And you know, harder to sit by my house.
You know how hard is to sit by my house by myself?

Speaker 1 I can't even go to the bathroom because every time I go to the bathroom, she's like, oh, look, we found him in the bathroom. I can't go to the bathroom anymore.

Speaker 1 I'm wearing diapers in my own house, watching myself on my own cameras, in my own diapers, and critiquing myself. What sort of way is this to live?

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, you know what? I just, I just, I just want to be there for my sad. You know, it's all about my said.
So, like, he's the only person in my family.

Speaker 1 Like, everyone's offering hip powder all the time. Like, he poops himself.
They're offering hip powder. That's fine, I guess.
You know, so I want to hang out with him. That's for his ass jacks.

Speaker 1 That's baby powder. Still, though.
Still, though.

Speaker 1 Do you know, I just don't feel like people understand. I'm so lonely.

Speaker 1 I'm in my home alone, no responsibilities hot with giant boobs coming over tom schwartz next door my best friend living right next door do you know how lonely that makes you well you don't even understand

Speaker 1 you don't know what lonely is okay you don't know what it feels like he's like yeah but you get to be around your friends i only get to be around many of my friends and i don't know it's just it's hard And she's like, well, I'm the one who's home alone with our child every night.

Speaker 1 And there is a difference. Okay.
Me and you are different. And he's like, Yeah, but I would just want to be with my son.
Like, I want to. She's like, You don't even know what lovely feels like, Jax.

Speaker 1 And so, Andy's saying, Uh, yeah, you know what? Like, uh, you're to your control. Oh, sorry.
He's like, It's in your control, Jax. I mean, what you're saying is control is a huge issue.

Speaker 1 But if you want control, you have control. Because the more you take control of your actions,

Speaker 1 the more your life with everybody around you is going to get better.

Speaker 1 Camping.

Speaker 1 If you're going to come at Jax for physically abusing his wife a little bit more, I really don't need

Speaker 1 your shitty Instagram advice on this.

Speaker 1 You know what, Jax?

Speaker 1 When I was 17, I did what people told me. I did what my father said.
I let my mother mold me, but that was a long time ago. I'm in control.

Speaker 1 Control.

Speaker 1 Anyone?

Speaker 1 Anyone?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Commercials.

Speaker 2 Here comes one right now.

Speaker 1 Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple.
Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quince.

Speaker 1 And the bonus, Quince pieces make great gifts too. I got a cashmere hoodie in like an oatmeal color, and it's finally time that I get to wear this thing.

Speaker 1 I'm wearing it all the time, and I look adorable and dashing. I love them for the wardrobe pieces like this, you know, when it's like cold, you get a nice sweater, a nice pair of pants.

Speaker 1 I mean, Quince is great for that. And I got a titanium watch band for my smartwatch that looks very chic.
So this season's lineup is simple, but smart and easy with Quince.

Speaker 1 $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like an everyday luxury and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable.

Speaker 1 Their denim nails the fit and everyday comfort, all at a fraction of what you'd expect to pay. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince.

Speaker 1 Go to quince.com slash crap ins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too.
That's q-u-in-ce.com slash crap ins free shipping and 365 day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com slash crap-ins.

Speaker 1 Why choose a sleep number smart bed?

Speaker 2 Can I make my site softer?

Speaker 1 Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that. Cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side.
Your sleep number setting.

Speaker 1 Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. It's our Black Friday sale, recharged this season with a bundle of cozy, soothing comfort.

Speaker 1 Now only $17.99 for our C2 mattress and base plus free premium delivery. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii.
Check it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 Britton's like, yeah, you got to love Yes Men in your life.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Jax, oh, so now's a big question. Jax, are you still in love with Brittany? Don't, don't, don't.
Let's go to a commercial for some depression pills.

Speaker 1 I love when Bravo's really going off their L's and they're like, are you depressed? Yes, I'm fucking depressed. I'm watching the Valley.

Speaker 1 You know, Andy, that's a really tough question to answer right now.

Speaker 1 Wait, hold on. Let me just, hold on.
I brought an onion here right for this moment. Let me just hold it up to my eyes.

Speaker 1 It's a lot to talk about right now. I'm crying.
I'm crying, America. He's like, okay, well, if you still love her, what? You hurt her.
Come on, just move on, Andy. I don't want to move.

Speaker 1 I just want to move on from that one. It's too much.
Be vulnerable. Be vulnerable, Jax.
Just be vulnerable, okay? Why can't you just be vulnerable? Okay. You're still in love with her.
Just say it.

Speaker 1 Just say it.

Speaker 1 Are you still in love with Jax? I mean, I said it a million times. leaving somebody that you actually love is much harder than leaving somebody than when you're done.

Speaker 1 And I was forced to leave the person I thought I was going to bite with for the rest of my life. And it really is hard to leave.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like the last time I walked out of that Hooters and I never knew if I would see it again because of corporate bankruptcy and such. It was real hard to leave when I love that restaurant.

Speaker 1 So we talk about their son Cruz and his autism diagnosis.

Speaker 1 And she says that when he was, you know, first born and like the first year of his life he was doing great he was talking he was you know showing great progress and then it kind of um stopped basically so she immediately went took him to the doctor and got the diagnosis and she basically talks about going through that with her son and uh all that and uh she's like and then i was doing it alone because jax you know jax wasn't doing any of that jax is off doing rehab or doing whatever and i'm i'm there raising our autistic son alone and jax is like yeah, it must be really hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it must be really hard.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, I gotta go pee. I gotta pee.
Never mind. I gotta go pee.
I gotta go pee.

Speaker 1 So sorry, I should have started this before the autism section because it's probably a bad time, but I really gotta pee.

Speaker 1 It's like, geez, could you choose a more awkward time? So they're all like, okay, just go. They don't stop the show or anything.
She just kind of goes off to pee.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And

Speaker 1 Andy is talking. So Andy moves on to Michelle, right?

Speaker 1 So after the bitter separation, Michelle moved from one dead-eyed man to another dead-eyed man, but this one's dead-eyes were bugging out of his head.

Speaker 1 So Michelle, Jesse began to wonder if his new ex's honey was creating or was buzzing around while he and Michelle were still together.

Speaker 1 Jesse, you accused Michelle of cheating on you while you were married. Did you have any proof that she cheated?

Speaker 1 Jesse's like, well, we sat down with one of our really close friends and her number one thing was, I did not cheat on you and I don't want you talking about it on the show.

Speaker 1 So my friend looked her in the eye and said, but you did cheat on him. And she got pink in the face, Andy.
And she admitted. And Michelle's like, that is not how the conversation went.

Speaker 1 Okay, that is not how it went, but whatever.

Speaker 1 Well, you went out one night. They met these two guys.
They both started dating them. And Michelle's like, that's not what I said.
And he said, well, did you cheat?

Speaker 1 and she's like yeah well i kissed him well you asked me did anything happen and i explained exactly what happened that you cheated i did finally finally you've known before we started filming and you went on and tried to shame me because you wanted people to hate me

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we go over this whole thing. Was she cheating? Was she not cheating?

Speaker 1 I fully support her cheating in this. You know, I don't always support cheating.

Speaker 1 I think generally I do not support cheating at all. But I think when it comes to Jesse's ass, I am fully in favor of Michelle having a liberating cheating moment.

Speaker 1 And people can't get all righteous about this.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say people don't get righteous because how many rom-coms have we seen where someone is in a mediocre to bad relationship and they meet someone great and they have like a, uh, they have like an affair and we all root for them to leave the shitty guy and go with the guy they like.

Speaker 1 We've all seen those movies. We've all liked it.
I know movies aren't real life, but the point is sometimes I'm okay with the rom-com situation happening.

Speaker 1 I support Michelle kissing another guy while she's dealing with the living wretch and narcissist that is Jesse Lolly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, cheating's not great, but Jesse

Speaker 1 was out all the time. Like she's home alone raising a baby and he's going out partying spending all their money till four in the morning.
So what is that?

Speaker 1 So if he actually doesn't doesn't stick his dick in somebody, it's not cheating, I guess, technically. But what else would you really call it? I mean, I would say that's pretty close.

Speaker 1 You're out partying every night and doing God knows what with your friends. And he probably,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 he's nailing her to a cross for a kiss. And like, I'm not saying that she's like, you know, again, not like we generally endorse cheating.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I would have preferred it if she had kissed someone after she started the separation, but he's nailing her to the cross about a kiss when he's spent all their money and being a totally irresponsible partner and is just awful and treats her badly and is, and is derogative towards her and condescending.

Speaker 1 And I don't care if he's charming and a model and can laugh and reveal all those jack-o'-lantern teeth of his. I don't care.

Speaker 1 Jokes. Okay.

Speaker 1 Dare you. I mean, look, I'm going to grant her a kiss.
Well, I doubt it was just a kiss anyway. She probably full-on cheated and dated Aaron or whatever.

Speaker 1 But when you're in a relationship with a narcissist who's constantly degrading you and leaving you alone and doing all of this, and you think you're at the end of your, I mean, whatever.

Speaker 1 I don't need to excuse it. It's not my relationship, but Jesse is just taking whatever he can to not look like the fucking asshole in this relationship because we all watched his season one.

Speaker 1 We've watched him try and change season two while still going around calling girl a stupid whore and all of this other shit. And seeing, we've seen the way he treats her on camera.

Speaker 1 And if he does that on camera, what is he like off camera? That's got to be terrifying. His dead-eyed, terrifying personality is not cute.
So when it's off-camera, it's a lot different.

Speaker 1 So, you know, this whole like, I'm going to use this kiss against you to really shame you so that no one's focusing on me. And I have to say, it's worked.

Speaker 1 You know, if you read a lot of comments and stuff, we've discussed this at length. It has worked.

Speaker 1 And it just, it's infuriating that this guy gets away with that shit. So I'm kind of with you.
I'm like, I don't, I don't love cheating, but fuck you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but fuck you. Yeah, but fuck you.
I don't care if it it's right or wrong at this point. I will not be on Team Jesse on this.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Andy is like, Jesse, did you ever cheat on Michelle? He goes, no, I don't cheat on anybody. And she or Michelle, you don't believe him? No.
And then Michelle, I mean, Kristen, sorry, I'm back.

Speaker 1 Don't mind me. Did I miss anything good? Did we accuse Michelle of cheating yet? Oh, good.
We're right in the middle of it. Perfect.

Speaker 1 So Andy's like, Kristen, you said that Michelle had a boyfriend, but that it wasn't. And she's like, oh, okay.
welcome back.

Speaker 1 This is funny. My water broke, but I gotta look, I got, I gotta leave, gotta leave, ha, ha, ha.

Speaker 1 So Andy's like, all right, well, Kristen, you said last year at the mantra that Michelle had a boyfriend. So what's going on? Was Aaron the boyfriend?

Speaker 1 I didn't have a boyfriend. Now, this is where Michelle is being tricky because she insists repeatedly, I never had a boyfriend.
Like, Kristen was lying because I never had a boyfriend.

Speaker 1 And the negative space there is, of course, an implication, like she had maybe a fuck buddy, but they weren't officially boyfriend. So she's trying trying to possibly deny it.

Speaker 1 She's like, We weren't closed off, so yeah, didn't count as

Speaker 1 yeah. So that's why I don't believe it was just a kiss.
And Kristen's like, Well, yeah, you were seeing someone, and no, it's not Erin.

Speaker 1 So, you know, the only thing I know about her and Aaron is exactly what I've said. You know, like, I mean, she asked me to text my friend.
Is he like a good guy? And, like, what's this deal?

Speaker 1 And that was the end of it. That was it.
So I did it. And Andy's like, well, it was a boyfriend.
It was just a friend.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Jesse's like, yeah, a friend that she kisses. It was a friend who finally gave me a dungeon.
A lot happened during my marriage, but I never closed it off with anybody, Andy.

Speaker 1 Jesse says, she knows cheating and cheaters. That's my one thing.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 He's acting like he's the first person in the world to be upset when he gets cheated on. And by the way, if cheating and cheaters are your one thing, why are you best friends with Jax?

Speaker 1 I just curious about that one. Um, and why have you not laid into Jax for doing those things, especially because it's apparently a trigger point for you, but maybe only selectively?

Speaker 1 So, Michelle is like, That's really interesting because as soon as I asked for a divorce, you started sleeping with a married woman. So, which is it? And Jessie goes, Who's the married woman?

Speaker 1 Well, you know who it is. It starts with the A.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. So, now we've got another pretty little liars on our hands.
It's going going to take us nine seasons to find out who A is.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's, well, we all know it's,

Speaker 1 it's

Speaker 1 Anna.

Speaker 1 Anna.

Speaker 1 Paquin. What are you trying to say?

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 There I said everyone. Paquin.

Speaker 1 You went into some kind of of coma.

Speaker 1 I was like, why can't I think of anyone who's any famous Anna's?

Speaker 1 He's like, what?

Speaker 1 She's so good at the piano. I just can't.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Jesse's like, oh, oh, oh, my ex-girlfriend who hasn't been married in 25 years. She goes, really? She is a married.

Speaker 1 So again, I believe Michelle on this one because his eyes, his eyes say it all.

Speaker 1 You know, he does this stuff where he says something and then she calls him on the line and then he just does a really slow eye roll and looks away and has no argument. And that's what he did here.

Speaker 1 So that's his tell.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 now everyone's like chatting.

Speaker 1 We're in a commercial break, and Michelle's like, Do I seem angry? And Nia's like, No, no, no, you still haven't registered an emotion for five years. It's okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, because I still will never understand that term, gaslighting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, gaslighting. She doesn't know what gaslighting is, which,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I get. I I mean, I can see that in her.
So Annie's like, oh, Luke, Jesse said you told him at a time where Michelle went over to Aaron's apartment and caught him with another girl.

Speaker 1 And Jesse, we see that. And Jesse, Luke is saying, well, before I say anything else, really want to apologize.
Shouldn't have gotten in your marriage.

Speaker 1 But when she said that, when he's, when she said that she was seeing somebody, that she went to see this guy and he was with another girl, that's That's what I said. That's, that's what I said.

Speaker 1 So that was my one thing to say in this reunion. So I hope I got it out right.
Thank you, everybody. Thank you for coming to my Luke Talk.
And Jasmine's like, oh, oh, oh, can I ask a question?

Speaker 1 Like, like the cheating, like, like, do you think that like emotionally, like, do you think that like you emotionally cheated on Jesse? Maybe? Like, was it emotional? Was it like cheating, cheating?

Speaker 1 Was it emotional cheating? What kind of cheating was it? And Michelle, Jesse's like, 100%.

Speaker 1 That's what I said. That's what I said.
Emotional cheating. Yeah, because that's what it sounds like.
I mean, it's just what it sounds like to me.

Speaker 1 Just spoken to someone who's been a real estate pro for about five minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so, and it's like, well, Michelle, were you and Aaron in an emotional relationship? No.

Speaker 1 That is so false because he admitted to me in Hawaii, you guys used to meet up at the park while Isabella ran around. Hold on, let me finish people who are not interrupting me.

Speaker 1 And he used to ask you for advice on this girl and on the girls he was dating. And then you asked him.
She's like, that's not an emotional relationship.

Speaker 1 His words, his words, you asked him for advice on our marriage and our separation.

Speaker 1 And so we see footage of Aaron being like, yeah, you know, I would talk to her about girls I was dating and I would get her opinion.

Speaker 1 And then the only time she ever brought you up was when she said she was going to file for separation.

Speaker 1 Big emotional affair happening over there. Aaron Jenny.
She's like, that is emotional cheating. Come on, a married woman with a child asking a single guy for advice about her husband.

Speaker 1 That is wildly inappropriate. No, it's not wild.
It's not inappropriate for men and women to be friends, Jesse, and to talk about their lives. Like, what are we in 1930? Like,

Speaker 1 well, 1950, I guess, would be more

Speaker 1 apt. But like, what do we, what is this puritanical bullshit? Men and women can't be friends and talk about their relationships.
Give me a break. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, Michelle is-wildly inappropriate. You told our client that you wanted to eat or out, like wildly inappropriate.
And he goes, Oh, what? What? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 And Jasmine's like, Oh, yeah, get that sale. Get that sale.
I'm just kidding, guys. I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding. Harassment's hilarious when it's somebody else doing it.

Speaker 1 Harassment's hilarious when it's one of my friends doing it.

Speaker 1 Did you get the sale, though? Did you do it? Yes, you did. I made it.
He's like, Yeah, I did. Somehow,

Speaker 1 Jesse gets off the hook for this accusation because there's like a joke.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 you know, it's like, and then we move on, you know, so Andy's like, all right, how long were you guys together? He's like, eight and a half years-ish. Are we glad that you're not together still?

Speaker 1 And Janet goes, yes, yes, we are. Yeah, I think we're both happy.
Okay, well, then let's leave it there because you guys are not famous enough. to keep talking about this.
Okay.

Speaker 1 That's too far away to hear. I'm not going to lie.
Can we see Michelle by the fire escape? That would be great. Michelle's

Speaker 1 not far enough away from me.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, after last season raft, Zach made comments at Jax's bar that left friendships in disarray and had Janet wanting to host an exorcism for his so-called demonic behavior.

Speaker 1 Well, Kristen, when Janet apologized to you at the white party, you said you were reluctant to believe she really wanted to be friends with you. Why was that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, Janet was there like that, like the Janet that's there on the valley is not the vat is not the

Speaker 1 Janet who I was friends with. Okay.
Okay, well, what's the difference between the two of them?

Speaker 1 Well, the Janet I was friends with used to wear her hair a little bit to the side, and the one in the valley likes a ponytail, and that just screams me the fuck out.

Speaker 1 I mean, she used to be funny and super intelligent. And the second we started filming, I was like, who the fuck even is this person? Who is he?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 every time I make Kristen's head movements, I lose my place on the page. Sorry.
So every time I see Kristen in mind, I go, oh, I'm going to have to start searching. So Jason,

Speaker 1 Jason's like, Docker speaking. So what are the examples? Because I hear a lot of this, like big talk about, oh, Janice's doing all these things.
She's masterminding.

Speaker 1 But I'm watching the show and I'm like, what are you guys talking about? Like, what is it? Kristen says, I mean, like, you're just not you. Like, you're kind of Stasi Schroeder.

Speaker 1 You're kind of Lala Kent.

Speaker 1 You're kind of sheena basically she's saying she watches show and she's just copying reality star moves that other people have made long before her which is what she's doing and janet's like yeah but this is what you're saying though i'm not out here saying i want to be those people no janet but you're trying to emulate them you don't have to say you're trying to emulate them to emulate them dum dum

Speaker 1 Jesse, you wanted to say something. I heard a whistling through the stonehenge that is your mouth.

Speaker 1 And he's like, well, Janet and I have a good relationship and we crack jokes together and stuff like that and i watch her like a million times bring things back around that don't need to be brought up again what we should be talking about is that michelle is a slut who had an affair with me and yet somehow that only comes up when i bring it up i just don't like this double standard what were we talking about

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, basically, Janet sucks. Like, I've always liked Janet, but then I watch the show back and I see that Janet sucks.

Speaker 1 Like, and Kristen's like, yeah, like she tries to get involved and make it about her. Jesse goes, yeah, it's like she wants to be involved in every little thing.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, she tries to manipulate it. And Andy's saying, so you're saying she's manipulative.

Speaker 1 But Andy's merely hanging on. He's just like, oh my God, can I please go to bed? And Jesse's like, yeah, I mean, I watch a show and she sucks.

Speaker 1 And Jason's like, whoa, whoa, that is wild because I watch a show too. And I just heard this side of the room talking about my wife 80% of the time.
They're on camera.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because your wife starts 80% of the drama that's on the TV, Jason, that she puts herself in it. That's what they're saying.

Speaker 1 They're saying nothing has anything to do with Janet, but she manipulates everybody and gets herself in every situation for camera time. That's why they're always talking about her.

Speaker 1 So, Zach, between seasons, what exactly did you say at Jax's bar opening? Okay, so there have been many different stories.

Speaker 1 Some people say I was totally hilarious and charming and maybe should have been sat farther up the sofa.

Speaker 1 And then others say, Well, I was blackout, and I guess I told her, I said I wanted her to miss Kyrie. I don't really know.

Speaker 1 So, Jax is Jax goes, That's terrible. That's absolutely groaning.

Speaker 1 And Andy is just like, I was, I mean, what part wasn't I groaning at on this episode? So, Andy's like, and so why would you say that? Well, you know what? That threw me off. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 1 And I don't know. I don't know.
When I said it, it was to Brittany. And it was not, I was like coming after her.
And Andy's smelling.

Speaker 1 It was a private, disgusting thing to say not a public disgusting thing to say so once again this is something that britney took and took to somebody else to start shit once again like britney does this all the time this is the other 20 of storylines are britney doing this shit but this pissed me off and i groaned really loud and booed at the tv because zach i mean i stood up for you so i will have to take the l on this one because i assumed it was zach saying since they never went into what exactly happened i thought that Zach had said something when they were saying like, you know, Janet is saying you want her, you don't being stressed out can help her, can make her lose her baby or something.

Speaker 1 He's like, fine, then I don't care or whatever, something like that. But no, Zach, I guess, did say like,

Speaker 1 fuck her, then Bess Carrie, or whatever he said. That's terrible.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 And I totally believe it because we see how Zach is like in the last, in the finale episode, where he's like, shut up, stupid whore, whore,

Speaker 1 like he just goes crazy with that mouth but boo boo I'm just taking the Lord

Speaker 1 for you again

Speaker 1 hey everyone this is the end of part one of this recap for part two keep an eye on your podcast feed it is coming up in just a moment thanks so much for listening catch you on the second half Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

Speaker 1 Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.
Our way is the Amber Way. It's the Foster and the Furious.
It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country.
It's Angie McGovern.

Speaker 1 It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila.
She's a Daniela. Itchells.
We never miss her call.

Speaker 1 It's Diane Call. Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis.
Hava Nagila Weber.

Speaker 1 You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.
Jamie, she has no less, Naimie. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.
Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

Speaker 1 She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

Speaker 1 Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Speaker 1 Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.
We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg.
You can't have a burger without the burg.

Speaker 1 This is living with Michelle Vivian. I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.
Tastier than Flanderson. It's Rachel Manderson.
She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
Yes, we canna. It's Sedana.

Speaker 1 Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. The Bay Area Betches, Betches.
And our super premium sponsors. She's V V I P, it's Amanda V.

Speaker 1 Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.
We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.
Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Speaker 1 Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Speaker 1 Hail the Cork Master, the Master of the Cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish.
It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.
Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door.

Speaker 1 My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly.
It's Kyle Pod Shadley. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.
We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

Speaker 1 She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe. Always killing it, it's Lola Al Kalani.
The incredible, edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.
Rose.

Speaker 1 There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.
We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Telefson.
Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop.

Speaker 1 It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam Laplain.
It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

Speaker 1 We love you guys.

Speaker 1 If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/slash survey.

Speaker 2 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 2 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water. And it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 2 On the day after Christmas Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 2 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 2 In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 2 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.