#2956 Below Deck S12E10: Stillie the Boulder Holder

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Speaker 2 Well, hello, you little darlings. Welcome to Watch What Crappens.
I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there.
Hi, Ben.

Speaker 2 Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

Speaker 2 Good. I'm still sty.
I'm still burdened with my sin sty. So I've got that today.
So I've got glasses on, but otherwise, good. We just did Jeff Lewis over on Sirius XM.
That was a rollicking good time.

Speaker 2 It was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so just got home from that. And what else? You know what? Getting ready to do a little below deck.
We had an Amazon live last night, which was super fun.

Speaker 2 Our next one is going to be Monday, August.

Speaker 2 What did I say yesterday? What's 4 p.m.?

Speaker 2 I will tell you, 18th.

Speaker 2 So it'll be Monday, August 18th at 4 p.m. over on Amazon Live.
You can always get the links day of on our Instagram.

Speaker 2 So that was great. Also, next week will be Crappy Hour.
This coming Monday will be Crappy Hour. So that's super fun.
If you want these recaps on videos instead of just audio, get them. Okay.

Speaker 2 Go over to Patreon. Crappins.
Patreon is where you get Krappens on demand episodes and our bonus episodes. Also, this is Dwell Hello Week over on Wondry Plus.

Speaker 2 So if you like house hunters recaps, we've got a killer one coming for you about a cougar in Sacramento moving in with a very young man, a very young, poorly coiffed male.

Speaker 2 A very young, but extremely articulate and precocious 22-year-old with a lot of insights and definitely understands how to do things like, I don't know, opening up medicine cabinets.

Speaker 2 Guys, I don't know a lot, but I know this. That guy's going places.
And we're going to talk about it. We'll talk about it on this MMA fighter.
We're going to talk about it.

Speaker 2 on this week's draw hello all right let's get into her how'd you feel about below dick bin

Speaker 2 i felt good about it. It was, you know, another episode.
How did you feel? I was sad they got rid of drunk Kelly. We needed Kelly for this episode.

Speaker 2 Although Kelly was replaced in this episode by her insane friend, not Helen, Barbara. Was it what was her? What was Helen? Helen is Helen's.
Helen is the primary.

Speaker 2 So it was

Speaker 2 all boobalicious.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's what we do. It's what we do.
Okay. That's what we got to get out my boobs.
Got to get my boobs boobs out. I gotta get my boobs out, you know.

Speaker 2 Um, I don't remember the, there was another lady there who I loved, and she was the one who's like, My daughter knocked my Louis Vuitton into the into the toilet, and I said, You know what?

Speaker 2 When I die, you're waiting for a bag, that's the one you're gonna get. Covered in piss, covered in piss, you're gonna get the piss bag because you knocked it over.

Speaker 2 You gotta pay attention when you're around my expensive bags, knocked it into the toilet. I think I get them confused.
Do they look exactly the same?

Speaker 2 They do, they do, they both have like um black long black hair they both they went in hard for the kardashian look a few years ago and they're still in it and um one has bigger lips than the other but one has bigger boobs than the other so one's boobs one's lips okay well you know god bless them god bless them so here we go um

Speaker 2 carrie is uh kicking uh kelly off the drunk kelly so he's like someone needs to go with kelly take her ashore and i was like i'll go with with her as long as I can come back all I ask is that I get to come back on the ship please let me come back on the ship

Speaker 2 all right and Kelly's like where's my bag did you democrats take my bag again and they're like you know it's the same thing liberals taking bags that's what they do all the time yeah democrat lead you in my bag

Speaker 2 kamala kamala kamala terrorists probably took my bag somewhere i'm not standing for this look i'll like all right all right kelly all right i'm gonna go with you kelly Okay, it's on your shoulder.

Speaker 2 The bag's on your shoulder, Kelly. Okay.
I'm going to go with you.

Speaker 2 And Kelly is walking out in her bikini. You know, it's not dripping out of her face.
And Barbara's like, oh, my God, she's going without trousers. I think

Speaker 2 she needs a short. She needs a short.
Please, somebody help her. And sure enough, Kelly splats right into the boat,

Speaker 2 right on her hoo-ha bone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and she keeps saying, I just wanted to go on the banana bow. I mean, that's all I want to do.
I mean, so like, why?

Speaker 2 so you can't what this is america we're allowed to go on a banana boat if we want to go on a banana boat he's a pussy he's a pussy he's a

Speaker 2 pussy this is america i can't go on a banana bowl it's becoming a banana republic

Speaker 2 pussy you're a pussy captain so she's screaming pussy at the captain from the little boat and then Even when they get her ashore, they show her on the shore.

Speaker 2 She's like, pussy, the guy's a goddamn pussy is what he is.

Speaker 2 Did we ever find out? Was there any articles come out saying what happened to Kelly after this after this

Speaker 2 incident? Did she get arrested in St. Martin?

Speaker 2 She's in some French prison making cheese. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what they do there. You know, that's where 95% of Brie actually comes from French prisoners.
Yeah. It's their license plates.
They make cheese license plates. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Literally, like if you go to France, they don't have license plates. They just have wheels of Brie with numbers scratched into them.
That's a maintain a very cold temperature in that country.

Speaker 2 So, Carrie's like, all right, she's gone ashore and she'll be fine. So, we're going to pick up the primary tomorrow.
Thank you for everyone's help. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you for all the hiding you did and not dealing with Kelly. I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Thank you for no one helping me keep the door closed. Demo's like, I did.
I helped. All right, you did.
Thank you. You helped me imprison a Republican.
Thank you. Thank you for it.

Speaker 2 Thank you for your service you know it went from zero to one thousand in a moment i mean well maybe maybe several moments you know went let me rephrase that it went from zero to a thousand after the 15th drink that we served her and i've never seen someone

Speaker 2 oh all right all right kella you're off the boat you're gonna go to jail you can go to two jails a dutch jail and a french jail because you've seen that

Speaker 2 fuck you cheese fuck you will the cheese

Speaker 2 all right she got she got more and more aggressive She was as scary as that bridge that we're about to crash into 15 more times this season.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Captain. You still hear her.

Speaker 2 She's now on the dock,

Speaker 2 lugging her luggage, screaming, fuck you, Gabby, pussy.

Speaker 2 So he's like, wait, put everyone's safety at risk. It had to be John.
And that's me.

Speaker 2 Life. sometimes is not an adventure

Speaker 2 So he got rid of her. And then we go to Brian.
He's like, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that crap, Captain. That is some bullshit.
That girl is trash. Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, it's all in a day's work, mate. No big deal over here.
Just

Speaker 2 put a big, someone put a big pause on fun. That's what happened.
Big pause on fun night. Thanks a lot, Kelly, you trashy slut.

Speaker 2 Well, don't you worry because you've got the rest of your charter to enjoy yourselves. So get to it.

Speaker 2 and then rainbow you know a lot of people stick up for rainbow in the comments i don't think rainbow is an evil person but i do see why so many people get annoyed with rainbow because she just has this way of talking to people so she goes up to barbara who's working you know she's like barbara are you good with staying on service are you good with that it's just such an intense fakey niceness that just rubs people the wrong way you know me yeah it rubs me the wrong way barbara's like yes i'm fine please please don't talk to me while I roll towel.

Speaker 2 This towel I'm rolling has more personality than you. Please.
Please. Barbara's like, I don't know if you saw, but this is my sad episode.
So I should not be talking to many people. Okay.

Speaker 2 So Frank, be frank is the, I think he's Helen's husband and he's missing some jewelry. And Barbara's like, oh, really? It was, it was with you, the big black one.

Speaker 2 And Fraser's like, Frankie, I found something for you. And

Speaker 2 they, I guess, they find this necklace.

Speaker 2 It was in his shirt the whole time. He was wearing it.

Speaker 2 Fraser just like reaches down. He's like, either this is an enormous hard nipple or it's your jewelry.
He's like, ah, you got it, kid. You got it.
This kid's got it. Whapa.
Whapa. He keeps doing that.

Speaker 2 It's doing like a little.

Speaker 2 To be honest, at this stage, my excitement for this chart has completely gone out the window. I'm going to start calling it my boyfriend.

Speaker 2 We're going to try and put everything we've just gone through behind us and bring the fun and joy back to this trip. Because when people see me, Fraser, they think, fun and joy.

Speaker 2 He's the man who'll bring it. So there might be a slight amount of hope that this will increase our tip.
The hope is though very,

Speaker 2 very small, much like the love I had for my boyfriend. So now Kyle is talking about how he's usually the drunk one.
And he's like, is that what I look like?

Speaker 2 Fuck, is that what I look like when I'm all drunk? Jesus, that's the kind of tantrum I have. You know, Lee, Deckhand gets my girl.
Fucking mate gets my girl. You know, just all of the tantrums.

Speaker 2 And Jess, who stole his girl, and Damo, who stole his girl,

Speaker 2 try to comfort him,

Speaker 2 but it's not really working.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm going to need Kyle to like wrap up his moping because I really, I don't know if I have the bandwidth to take on someone feeling so sad about

Speaker 2 a hookup. Like you guys weren't even together.

Speaker 2 You guys had like, you made out in a hot tub like let's not act like this is a 10-year romance that came to a conclusion this is not kramer versus kramer this is just it's just so lane so well and also i just don't want to see any more of it

Speaker 2 also it's it's kyle who has no standards so kyle will like a doorknob you know he doesn't care yeah he's like he will a you know squirrel on this like he doesn't care he's just one of those he's probably took a goat to prom you know he's just one of those guys as we learn later in the episode he will anything He doesn't have any standards.

Speaker 2 So I don't know, I can't really listen to him like cry like it's the great love of his life. You know, you could literally just walk down the street and pick anyone and it would be fine for you.

Speaker 2 So just be quiet. It's like me missing a meal.
You know, I have so many meals. Like it's okay.
It's okay. No one wants to hear me complain about missing one tuna sandwich.

Speaker 2 There are other fish in the sea, and we all know Kyle will actually make out with the fish. So like, let's just, let's just like nip this in the bud.
Okay. also maybe like

Speaker 2 i don't know maybe kyle could like be less of like a dirtbag like we all like kyle but he's also like

Speaker 2 are people genuinely excited to bring kyle around to be like hey look at this guy i'm dating is this guy and it winds up being kyle like maybe there's a reason why people maybe visit with the lips and then move on because it's oh did they have sex They had sex, didn't they?

Speaker 2 They had sex. They had a couple of been kissed.

Speaker 2 Or when they have sex. No, I think you're right.
Maybe they did have sex. Either way, I don't remember.
It's just kind of like having sex. I'm not keeping count.

Speaker 2 I just feel like, Kyle, there's a certain amount of like, you know, why don't you be more of an aspirational hookup for someone rather than the

Speaker 2 rather than the Roy Rogers they visit on the way to another city

Speaker 2 road trip. The Roy Rogers.

Speaker 2 It's a mixed metaphor. Okay, I'm mixing a lot of metaphors here, but I think we all get what I'm trying to say.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. Well,

Speaker 2 yeah, that guy is, I don't feel bad for him either, but I do. I mean, I do kind of like him, but shut up.
So I like him, but I'm, yeah, I like him, but shut up. It's over.

Speaker 2 We don't want to deal with it anymore on the show. Yeah, so Celine is like, oh, maybe I can take baby Blake.
You know, I never think Baby Blake here. Maybe I can think Baby Blake here.

Speaker 2 She's just like kind of looking out over the swim platform and she's waving at Jess. And Jess is like, um,

Speaker 2 uh, not Jess. Rainbow's like, oh, hi, babe.

Speaker 2 When you're done out here, do you mind just checking dayheads and then helping Barbara with service? She goes, okay, I do dayheads now, which becomes a huge problem for Rainbow later.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. So then the guests are talking and,

Speaker 2 you know, they're talking to Barbara at the bar and they're just like talking about

Speaker 2 just,

Speaker 2 you know, Kelly being a total disaster and everything, and so Brian is like, Well, that's Frankie's girl, that's not my girl. And Frank is like, I mean, do you, what, you think I date girls like that?

Speaker 2 And he's like, Well, absolutely not. It's like, I mean, years ago, I mean, I'm not with her anymore.
He's like, He's Brian's like, Nah, dude, I don't date train wrecks. Sorry,

Speaker 2 I love Frank. Like, you think I date girls like that? Have you seen Helen? She's the epitome of class.
Look at her out there.

Speaker 2 So, people are getting uh ready for dinner

Speaker 2 out Wayne Newton songs on the deck.

Speaker 2 Then, you know, when you go to St. Martin, you go there for one thing, which is to have a cowboy party.
I mean, when you think of the Caribbean, what do you think about?

Speaker 2 Horses, lasso's, cowboys,

Speaker 2 mob wives, ladies in, you know, frills.

Speaker 2 So Fraser is announcing to everybody that they've all got cowboy outfits. And he's like, oh, God, this is a crop top.
What man is going to put on the crop top?

Speaker 2 So, Celine, they're going over picnics and stuff.

Speaker 2 No, they're going over the outfits. And Celine's like, well, look, this dress looks like a picnic table.
I'm not picnic table. Why it looks like picnic table, you know?

Speaker 2 And, you know, Demo actually is embracing the crop top life, etc. And then Hugo's putting on, whatever.
They're just putting on these costumes and making jokes.

Speaker 2 And then Fraser's like, tonight's theme is cowboy night. I went to a rodeo once.
It was basically cows, fat men, and barbecues. And that's when I learned how to crack a whip.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Fraser is sort of annoying me.
He's just

Speaker 2 fun. He's not funny.
His interviews are so funny, and he's just, he's trying too hard, and he's like a robot.

Speaker 2 I need a recast.

Speaker 2 I agree. I never, like, I love that there is is a gay man as a chief stew, but I feel like his little interview quips feel either rehearsed or scripted.

Speaker 2 And the way he sort of like leans in when he says them, I don't know. They're like, they're giving me groan more than anything else.
I just, I just want him to be better.

Speaker 2 And also, that's really not what a rodeo is, sir. So be quiet.
Yeah, crack whatever. Don't make me stand up for rodeos.
That's how lame you are. You're making me stand up for rodeos right now.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Rodeos are more than cows and fat people and barbecue.

Speaker 2 So Celaine is like, there's also cow poop smell. There's clowns.

Speaker 2 There's clowns. Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Fraser is, you know, being hilarious. And Celine is like, oh no, this is my cowboy.
I look like prostitute cowboy. And he's like, your tits, your tits are unprofessional.
Look at those things.

Speaker 2 And she's like, oh, I'm the cow who give milk to cowboy.

Speaker 2 So Demo says, there's only three things that are important to me. And that's my, oh, he goes, there's only three things that are important to me.

Speaker 2 And that's my God, my truck, and my lady in that order. He does it in like a southern accent, which is so everyone, that's congratulations.
That's what we are exporting to the world.

Speaker 2 This is, he's like, I'm going to say something that's typically American. I was like, that's, I guess, us.

Speaker 2 God,

Speaker 2 my baby. So Jess is trying to be nice to Barbara, but Barbara's just ignoring her.

Speaker 2 And it's like, Barbara and I, you know, we have my personal stuff here, but, you know, you don't need to wash it Barbara so I'll just take it out of my cabin if you don't want to wash it you don't have to and Barbara's like ignore ignore talk to the curly hair talk to the curly hair I have nothing to say to you the bangs are closed so Jess is like you can hear our fucking feather drop right now um it's so awkward between Barbara and I and Barbara's like it's not nice you know like we don't joke with feelings like we don't joke with people period don't involve people in your shit and Jess is like I don't know it's so weird i come from a family oh wait hold on instagram wall

Speaker 2 i come from a family that like we don't give a

Speaker 2 we don't speak about our feelings but we do speak and you know what i mean like even if we're upset with one another we just kind of get on with it i'm like but you're not making out with your family you're not your family at least i don't think maybe you are

Speaker 2 you never know i know so uh barbara's over it she's like whatever i'm done with her so then anthony's making dinner which really isn't that important to say, except, guys, I really love slow motion onions being chopped.

Speaker 2 It's so sexy. Ugh.
The way they decide to use a depth of field on those close-ups of him chopping really elevates the whole show.

Speaker 2 And they really add in that sound effect of the onion being chopped slowly. It's like, oh.

Speaker 2 You know what's actually funny is that like whenever Whenever they do that, whenever they do this like slow motion onion being chopped, it just kind of looks like the promo that plays on like a TV screen in a hotel room when you check in.

Speaker 2 They're like, and downstairs, eat at Del Frisco Monaco, our

Speaker 2 award-winning steakhouse. They always show like a slow-motion chef and then like a fire raging.
That's just what they're doing on this show.

Speaker 2 The best chicken nugget and a best western this side of the Mississippi.

Speaker 2 And then it cuts to some ladies with martinis. And then if you want an adventurous night out, go to Blonnie's, our martini bar located on our rooftop, which has recently

Speaker 2 exterminated all the pigeons. Yeah, it's all classy.
And then you go down to the pool and it's like, what do you mean, need a bathroom? Just piss in the pool, Donnie. Just passing the pool.

Speaker 2 We don't have time for this. Like, wait a minute.
Where's Damani's steakhouse? What the hell? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 People changed their diapers on a pool chair. Unfortunately, our kitchen is closed, but it's 8:30.
Yeah, yeah, it's closed.

Speaker 2 But I thought this was... Oh, yeah, that rooftop bar.
We've been remodeling that for about a year. Oh, you're staying on the 10th floor? Yeah, you'll be hearing that.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, we discovered a whole bunch of raw asbestos really all over that rooftop. So we're just going to

Speaker 2 leave this card on the door if you don't want us to clean your room. Because, you know, we're trying to conserve water.
Oh, really? Really? Change my fucking seats. How about that?

Speaker 2 Fucking best western. What is this, the best western or the mediocre western?

Speaker 2 Well, unfortunately, our best western sign did burn down. So if you, we do apologize for the inconvenience.

Speaker 2 Oh, and another thing is we recently learned that the club next door is undergoing endless construction, but not during operating hours.

Speaker 2 So that means there'll be construction during the day and at night, the club music will happen all night. Okay, here's some tiny, um,

Speaker 2 we've given you you some tiny earplugs and a white noise machine that's supposed to do something.

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Speaker 2 So Jess sees Celine, and

Speaker 2 Jess is like, are you on break right now? It's like, no. She goes, then why don't don't talk to me? Why don't you get to work? It's like, no, my work is to find guests.
I will find guests.

Speaker 2 Maybe I find guests now.

Speaker 2 So, and she's like, but you'll never find the guests here. She's like, no, I was taking Carol in the laundry.
She's like, okay, but you need to go to work. Otherwise, I'm going to get you in trouble.

Speaker 2 Oh, what? What is your trouble? Barbara hits me. Oh, because I'm an asshole.
Oh, it wasn't very nice. You know, because she didn't like that we kissed.
And I said I liked her.

Speaker 2 But then five minutes later, I'm with you. And then I'm in bed with you.
So now Celane's like, uh, wait, so you like Barbara? What the hell? What she already knows.

Speaker 2 I love that she's acting like she has no idea.

Speaker 2 Like she didn't just sit there and watch with a little dirty look on her face or an upset look on her face last week when at the pool when she was canodling with Barbara and talking to her and then kissing her and stuff like that, which is why she ended up making her move later and boning her.

Speaker 2 So we all know your move, Celaine. Okay.
So Celine's like, well, you can like Barbara too. What do I care? You can like Barbara too.
I don't care.

Speaker 2 She's like, well, obviously she's not the type of person to, you know, go for somebody, but then that person is is going for somebody else after they say they like you.

Speaker 2 So she goes, oh, but what is your situation with me? You call me situation. Why you call me situation? I want to understand.
And she's like, well, it wasn't right.

Speaker 2 I hurt her feelings, you know, and now she won't speak to me. And I fucked everything up.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 What have I done?

Speaker 2 Oh, but I really do not know about the situation. Like, you like Barbara.
Now I know. Like, you can go back to sleeping in your own bed.
I do not want to be in a situation.

Speaker 2 Celaine, you literally, like you were, you were born a situation. Okay.
Like, why is Selene shocked that she's a situation?

Speaker 2 She's made out with the entire boat and the entire island, practically, at this point. And I'm not even slutshamming.
I say, go for it.

Speaker 2 But then don't be surprised when people are like, yeah, I'm in a weird situation where I'm hooking up with this person who's fun to hook up with.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, like, don't be surprised that you're a situation. But it's the attention.
She needs the attention from every single living person around her, you know?

Speaker 2 And then the second they give her enough and she's hooked them, then she dumps them, like kind of still, you know, and then she needs attention.

Speaker 2 So she'll start fucking around in front of Stilly to kind of like lead him on.

Speaker 2 And then, I don't know, she, and then, but the thing that surprised me is that she got upset and she's like, well, I don't know how it's possible.

Speaker 2 They're just like someone else, you know, if she decides to stop with me, I feel like a fail. Voila.
I just don't know.

Speaker 2 She hurt me. Did she hurt me? She hurt me.
I don't know. And she's crying.
Like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 you're the biggest gamer here i can't but she's like i didn't hook one you know i failed if you don't know that says it all i failed like she likes someone else i'm a thief i'm getting kicked off love island all over again

Speaker 2 yeah if you don't know if you've been hurt chances are you probably have not been hurt so they um they they anchor and um they're gonna start plating and anthony is saying after the villa it's a fresh start because i see now i feel really better you know now I can cook hot dogs alone and not be mad about it.

Speaker 2 I'm just so happy. What I love, I do every day.
Like, oh, can we have Instagram more, please? I am going to have a personal moment. Okay, there it is.
And here we go.

Speaker 2 Cooking is my purpose for sure because I have very bad dyslexia. So I almost got kicked out of school.
But like, I can't focus on one thing. The one thing I'm focused on is when I cook.

Speaker 2 So I feel like Condor is going to save my life from dyslexia. And every time I cook for people, I'm wondering, am I cooking for people or am I cooking people? Dyslexia.

Speaker 2 I just don't feel like it's a job. It's a passion.

Speaker 2 The way they're tying this in. It is nice.

Speaker 2 It is nice.

Speaker 2 Oh, did you mean passion? Dyslexic, please. I'm trying not to break down right now.
Okay. Smart.

Speaker 2 The way they are like tenuously drawing this together, like, oh, I feel so much better after I talked with Fraser because I am dyslexic and I had a hard time in school.

Speaker 2 And cooking saved my life because I had a hard time. And I found something where dyslexia was not going to interfere.
And so it's happy.

Speaker 2 I'm happy now that everything is okay because now I can go back to the thing that I love. I mean, come on,

Speaker 2 this is too much. It's like you just threw a straw hat and yelled at some people.
You don't need a full dyslexia monologue. Okay.

Speaker 2 We don't need to hear like the, yeah, we don't need to hear like the fine subtext about how dyslexia informed your tantrum right now. Like, it's fine.
You're dyslexic. It's okay.
Like,

Speaker 2 we'll move on. We'll move on.
This isn't your defense for the death penalty. You know, it's like, oh, but my childhood, it was so hard.

Speaker 2 And then I found culinary school, which saved me, saved me from reading. You know,

Speaker 2 listen, Anthony's fair. It's a parking ticket.
You can just pay the fine and go home.

Speaker 2 Anthony, I'm not discrediting your dyslexia, you know, like that's a real thing.

Speaker 2 But we all know if you're a real chef, culinary school cooking would have saved you from drugs and living on the street, not dyslexia. So you kind of just like showed your ass there.

Speaker 2 Okay, be more hardcore.

Speaker 2 So Rainbow's like, um, Freezer, can I please see you? It's about Solane. Because today I was cleaning and doing, and, you know, cleaning up deck.

Speaker 2 And she was just standing there doing nothing on the app deck, just staring off. And I was like, hey, babe, mind checking the day hence? And he's like, and what did she say? What was her response?

Speaker 2 She said, hold on.

Speaker 2 Okay, sure.

Speaker 2 Well, I guess that's a better response than we've had in the past.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to keep a closer eye on her without actually reprimanding her or telling her she has to do her job better or tell her to respect you.

Speaker 2 I'll just say that I'm going to keep a closer eye on her so that way you get out of my personal space and I can go back to doing things like coming up with my next equip for my interview.

Speaker 2 Have you ever been to a Rodeo? What are they like exactly? What do they do there? Something about fat men. I just want to say fat men.
What else happens there?

Speaker 2 Are there actually roads in a rodeo? Or does it happen in a different sort of space? So Rainbow really thinks she did something there.

Speaker 2 She's like, since the villa, the dynamic between Barbara Solane and I has not changed. And it's the point where everybody's on the outs.

Speaker 2 And it's like sad, but it is refreshing to be like, okay, guys, we're all like outside now. We all get it, right? We all get it.
You saw somebody standing there. You asked them to do work.

Speaker 2 They said, okay,

Speaker 2 move along now, ma'am. I don't know

Speaker 2 what you're getting.

Speaker 2 This is very liberating for her.

Speaker 2 She's like, wait, we are finally at a place where we all are not getting along, which makes me feel most at home because this is how it was before we went to the island in the middle of a lake in Holland where we all fought.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's happiest when nobody's getting along. Like, it's not just her that people don't like.
It's everybody. That's the environment she knows best.

Speaker 2 So Frey's just like, yeah, we're going to do cabin. So everyone's changing for the cowboy, cowboy dinner.
And they're saying how they really just don't want.

Speaker 2 One guy, Richard, is like, well, I didn't even want Kelly to come on this trip. And yeah, and they're like, yeah, I don't want him either.
And they're like, it's bummed. They're bummed because Helen

Speaker 2 basically has to spend the night. You know,

Speaker 2 she has to spend. Could you think of something more

Speaker 2 insulting and terrible than having to spend the night on a beautiful Caribbean island alone instead of being on a yacht? Well, with Kelly, though, that's the problem.

Speaker 2 She has to keep that wreck going. So, Brian calls Helen.
She's like, hey, it's me, Helen. I just want a promise.
A promise I could return. And he's like, what's the, you know what?

Speaker 2 This is stupid, and it's not your fault. It's not anyone else's fault, but that trash Kelly.
You tell your crazy ass white trash slut friend she doesn't need, she needs to go home.

Speaker 2 And you got to come back here and enjoy your friends. Because one thing we are not going to have on this boat is Kelly.
And you better tell her that, friends.

Speaker 2 Brian's really

Speaker 2 Brian's really ready to go. He's on one.
Yeah, He really is.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 now they're going to do this

Speaker 2 cowboy thing, and

Speaker 2 it's time for dinner. They all are gathering.
Anthony serves a boula base, which is just what they would eat on the frontier. Super rodeo.
Super rodeo.

Speaker 2 When I think rodeo, I'm like, get me that boulia base.

Speaker 2 Could we have some mussels? Maybe, maybe a delicate, I don't know, vichysois.

Speaker 2 So someone asked Frank if he's got a girlfriend. He's like, it's a long story.
Papow. Brown's like, well, you're allergic to girlfriends because they break out and cuss, right? Am I right?

Speaker 2 Like, Helen.

Speaker 2 And someone's like, God, it's just not the same without Helen. Is it? God,

Speaker 2 we miss Helen.

Speaker 2 We're down to Frank's mistresses. Like, that's what we're talking about now.
Come on.

Speaker 2 She's missing this cowboy bully base.

Speaker 2 Such a travesty. So Barbara

Speaker 2 has sits down with Solane. And she's like, let me ask you something.
Is everything okay between us? And she's like, yo. Because I really feel like you're a bit upset about this.

Speaker 2 And she's like, well, I really like her, of course, as you could tell by the fact that I started making out with other people. And just today,

Speaker 2 she just told me, like, I like Barbara, and I was feeling bad about that.

Speaker 2 And she's like, well, we just made out, you know, at the carnival, because that's what you do. But it was just one little kiss, you know?

Speaker 2 And I don't think she put me in a nice situation, but it's not fair. And, you know, I'm just, everything's my fault.
And I just want to explain to you because I just want to be friends with you.

Speaker 2 So they make up basically. And Barbara's like, yeah, I just, I just want to explain.
And she's like, oh, thank you, Barbara. At least you explain.
You explain. Now I understand.
She goes, okay.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, there's lipstick in the toilet. Where's this woman putting her mouth? You see that there's lipstick, like marks on the rim of the toilet, like she was

Speaker 2 making out with the toilet lid. What the hell? There's also like lipstick like under the sofa.
I think that she like sat on her lipstick and it got like on her thigh or her leg. And then

Speaker 2 it just smeared on everything she sat on because what a gross

Speaker 2 lady operates. I know, disgusting.
I mean, I'm, it's,

Speaker 2 I, I would, I would be mortified if I were her, but we all know she's not mortified. She's actually probably so proud.
She's like, look at me, look at me,

Speaker 2 look at that, look at that, dude. I was being hilarious.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 yeah, so she's got, she got it everywhere. So, and

Speaker 2 next up at the rodeo meal, Branzino with lemon caper sauce.

Speaker 2 Also, not a rodeo meal.

Speaker 2 Excuse,

Speaker 2 are they just pulling out the entire Wyatt Earth menu? I mean, come on, the authenticity is

Speaker 2 this is so Yellowstone cuck buck.

Speaker 2 Wait a second, are we in St. Martin or are we in Tombstone? Because last time I checked, this is full-on cowboy food.

Speaker 2 What are we in? St. John Wayne?

Speaker 2 What are we in? St. Martin Scorsese directing a genre picture about the cowboys? It was a little bit of a stretch.
I get it. But I was just trying to yes and yes and in the film situation.

Speaker 2 Situational.

Speaker 2 So Jennifer is like, oh, wow, very nice. Might be the best Brancino I ever tasted.

Speaker 2 As we talked about, Ben, you made a Brancino last night. Do you think you were inspired by this show?

Speaker 2 God, I hope not. I, um, but maybe I was.
Maybe it like infected my brain.

Speaker 2 All I know is that yesterday, it was such a beautiful day here in Los Angeles, and I, I have been wanting to eat healthier, so I'm trying to eat more fish.

Speaker 2 And I just decided I wanted to make a whole fish, so I went all the way over to the fish, the fish market, which meant I had to go to the grove, which is, I mean, this is dedication, but also there's like three.

Speaker 2 I was wondering where you got a Bramzino. I was like, I don't know, I don't think you got that at Ralph's.

Speaker 2 No, because Los Angeles, despite being our coastal city, has all of about like three fish markets at this entire metropolis.

Speaker 2 There's like one in Glendale, there's like one in Santa Monica, and then there's a fish counter. There's one downtown, right?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, there's that, too. You don't want to downtown.
You know what I mean? Right. Am I right?

Speaker 2 You have to go downtown. I want to go downtown, Republicans.
That's disgusting. I mean, Democrats.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I got drunk with my party affiliation for Kelly.

Speaker 2 So I had to go to the the fish counter at the farmer's market in the grove because there was like a Monsieur Marcelle and they have a fish counter.

Speaker 2 So I went, you know, I'm not going to lie to you, Ronnie. I was originally going to go for red snaps, but

Speaker 2 I decided to do Branzino instead. It was small.
It was cute. It was about a pound.
I said, let's do it. Let's get this Branzino going.
So I grilled her up and I de-boned it. And it was delicious.

Speaker 2 But guess what? You never really can de-bone a Branzino because there are bones on bones on bones. It's like this cast.
Lots of boning. Why are there so many bones in a Branzino?

Speaker 2 Listen, I started eating Branzino because of Below Deck because Captain Sandy was always talking about fucking Branzino, or at least we were always talking about Branzino as Captain Sandy.

Speaker 2 I think she actually only said it once, but it's fine. We ran with it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But, you know, I've ordered it a few times when I'm out and they have it. And every single time there's a million bones in this thing.
I don't care if they say they fillet it for me.

Speaker 2 They do all the stuff and they're still full of bones. I don't get that fish.
I don't get why it's so popular. I need less bones.
I know. I mean, mean, it was delicious and it was so fun to cook.

Speaker 2 And it like cooked perfectly. It was like, you know, I've never grilled a whole fish before.
And I was like, your intestines are stabbed. Next thing you know, internal bleeding.

Speaker 2 I mean, here, maybe that's why I'm so tired today because I'm like slowly leaching blood into my stomach. But like, you know, I thought like for sure it was gonna be drama.

Speaker 2 I was like, this fish is, this is my first time grilling fish. It's gonna stick to the grates.
We all know what's gonna happen. It didn't stick.
It flipped over.

Speaker 2 It looked beautiful and it tasted lovely too. But, and I followed, I mean, I, when I tell you, because you know me, I watched so many deboning videos.
I watched all the technique. I did it.

Speaker 2 I was so fastidious. I did everything.
I pulled out the fish head, the spine came out, everything. Still fucking bones in that thing, like big bones, not just like little pinbones.
Big bones.

Speaker 2 Big bones. You know why?

Speaker 2 You know why? You know why?

Speaker 2 This is the problem. Those branzinos are too small.
I never realized how small branzinos are. They're too small.
You need a fish that has more

Speaker 2 meat to bone ratio. That's why.

Speaker 2 I don't know, but I've never understood that fish. Okay, something else

Speaker 2 not understood this time by the chef, what lava cake is. So a dairy-free lava cake comes out, which they're natural lava.
They're naturally dairy-free, but I think you meant the ice cream.

Speaker 2 And anyway, they cut into it and no lava came out. Okay.
There was no lava. That was a cookie.

Speaker 2 That's actually a big pet peeve of mine.

Speaker 2 You can't call it a lava cake when there's no lava in there. It's like calling it a volcano when it's spouting out licorice.
No, it needs to spout out lava.

Speaker 2 I do believe that in like a whimsical setting like Candyland, a licorice volcano does qualify as a volcanic dangerous.

Speaker 2 They would lose their eyes. They'd be like, well, we need to get burned to death, but we did get poked a lot by flying sticky things.
Smell weird.

Speaker 2 I detest a lava cake that does not do the lava thing because then what's even the point?

Speaker 2 Then you're just having like a generic piece of chocolate cake that tastes nice, but there's like no point in it. Like it's like the most generic cake you could get.

Speaker 2 But if it's lava, like when the lava comes out, it's special and delicious and gooey and like yeah that's that should have been clocked You know who's really it was clocked by me.

Speaker 2 You know who's really perfected the lava cake dominoes

Speaker 2 dominoes piece.

Speaker 2 Yes, there's probably fake right I'm sure it tastes like chemicals. It's like yeah, it's like chemical lava cake, but probably corn syrup on the inside.
Yeah, well good for them.

Speaker 2 Hey, listen, a lot of things use corn syrup. I'm learning that because I'm on a pastry tour on YouTube right now learning about Pop-Tarts.

Speaker 2 And so that has led me to look at pie crust videos, which has led me to look at pie videos because I'm like, well, I could be a pie person.

Speaker 2 I could be like that lady from Waitress, the film, you know, or just like make pies. That could be my thing.
Or a waitress in general. Waitress.
That's what it is. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 maybe I'll be a pie person. You know, I'm searching for my new identity because I'm going through my midlife crisis.
And corn syrup is in everything. I'm telling you.

Speaker 2 They put it in all these, these girls have no shame on the YouTube. They're like, man, then you put corn syrup.
And that's how you make a lemon. That's the only way to make a lemon meringue.

Speaker 2 So fucking deal with it. Or cornstarch.
Sort of funny cornstarch, but they do use a lot of corn syrup too. It is kind of funny because I'm sort of in a, in a semi-pie stage.

Speaker 2 I recently made some pie dough and like pie dough is like hard for me. And

Speaker 2 I got a new cookbook called Fatten Flour. And

Speaker 2 there's like a technique called the cold butter technique or whatever that I try it out. And it's good.
The problem with pies, I find, is that I actually don't like a lot of pies

Speaker 2 because a lot of them are like berries, you know? So it's like, like I love an apple pie. I like like a lemon pie.
I'm not like a cream pie.

Speaker 2 Pie, banana pie, chocolate pie, pecan pie. Yeah, those are fun.
A lot of corn syrup in them.

Speaker 2 Well, I love a pecan pie. Yeah.
Love a pecan pie. I just feel like in terms of like the fruity pies, which is what it feels like.
also a nickname that I have for myself.

Speaker 2 But I think that like in terms of fruity.

Speaker 2 Hey, fruity pie.

Speaker 2 It's the summer, so it feels like you should have like some sort of like fresh fruity pie. But like, I don't like a lot of fruity pies, and it's like really sad for me.
Got to figure it out.

Speaker 2 Well, speaking of lava cake, Jennifer says something that I really felt to my soul. She's like, the best part of my day is when I take my bra off.
Looks like, yeah, girl. I'm with you.

Speaker 2 Let them hang out. Me too.
Yeah. Let them flap in the wind there.
Okay. I'm with you.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Rainbow is like, it's late. Now it's 1.30 in the morning, 1.13 in the morning.
Rainbow tells Selene that she's going to send her to bed.

Speaker 2 She goes, it's not really, not, and Selene goes, oh, that is very nice. She goes, not really.
It's just kind of my job to tell you that. No, no, no.
But I'm not saying that you are nice.

Speaker 2 I say it is nice to go to bed in general.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Go to bed.
Bitch. She calls her.
She walks off. It's like, okay, now you're just looking for stuff because she's not even being mean to you this whole episode.

Speaker 2 You're just, you're the one like running around, tattletailing and now calling her a bitch. She didn't even do anything.
I mean, there's other episodes she has, but Selene's just on a warpath now.

Speaker 2 And I kind of like, I mean, not Selene, Rainbow. Yeah, I like that personally.
I like it. Like, who, like, these people are not, they're not doing their work.
They don't like you.

Speaker 2 Stop trying to be friends with them. You don't have to be friends with them.
Just drop all the pretenses and just be your natural self. Well, that's what she's doing.
That's for darn darn.

Speaker 2 Dutch bitch that you are.

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Speaker 2 So then it's 6 a.m.

Speaker 2 the next day, everybody's getting up and at 8.15, Helen calls Carrie and she's like, good morning captain carrie this is helen first of all i just wanted to say thank you for the way you handled kelly you did it right you know i'm ready to resume my vacation please i beg you one last time please let me back on the boat please i'll do anything i'll do anything do you get the feeling that helen always says that anytime she answers the phone or or calls someone hi this is helen even though we're now in an age where we always see who's calling she's like hi this is helen it's like yes we know helen it says your name on the phone we have cell phones now

Speaker 2 So he shoots her a water taxi. And then

Speaker 2 he announces to the crew that she's coming back in 45. Well, we're waiting for the primary to come back, everybody.

Speaker 2 And Anthony's like, oh, well, then maybe for lunch, I will make it simple because tonight is eight course. You know, this is very lot.
That is very lot for me.

Speaker 2 He's like, just make sure they're going to be full. Please.
Please.

Speaker 2 Now, if Anthony makes him an eight-course meal that's like T-bone steaks and like onion rings and like roast chicken and things like that, I'll be like, okay, there really is something to his dyslexia.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I did the wrong one on the wrong night.

Speaker 2 Then it would make sense why it was what the food was the night before. I am serving you nutshell fish.

Speaker 2 That was the gay charter three charters ago. It's like, oh, it is not dyslexia.
I cannot read catalog. I cannot read calendar.
So I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 It's calendar-based dyslexia.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 merry christmas merry christmas everybody

Speaker 2 no wrong wrong it's just blaming everything on dyslexia it doesn't even matter it's like that has nothing to do with dyslexia

Speaker 2 calendar based dyslexia you're just you just didn't turn the page on your calendar oh

Speaker 2 it is not

Speaker 2 i turned the page backward i turned the page backward very very jumble

Speaker 2 You know, she always says, if I could turn back time, all she has to do is turn the calendar page a different direction. It works every time.
Guys, look who's back. It's Helen.

Speaker 2 So she hugs her husband and she's like, that was so bad. You know what I think of in my second life? I'm going to become a nurse.
And he's like, no, you're a therapist. She goes, well, what?

Speaker 2 I'm already a therapist. I mean, come on.

Speaker 2 What am I a therapist?

Speaker 2 What do you think lingerie sales is? It's therapy. It's therapy.

Speaker 2 Helen, you can still be a nurse, by the way. She's like, you know what? If I ever die and come back to this earth in a mortal coil, I'll be a nurse then.
Like, you could do it.

Speaker 2 You could do it now, Helen. It's not too late.
Paint yourself. Paint your life.
Just change it up.

Speaker 2 It's not like in another life, I'll come back and be like an elite athlete where your window has closed. Like the nursing thing, do it, Helen.
You can come in to see patients. Be like, hello.

Speaker 2 I'm Helen. I'm your nurse.
I'm Helen. You can be beating out your asshole.
I think what you need is a decent bra at bedtime. Okay.
I've got

Speaker 2 a couple of models coming in here to show you what you could be.

Speaker 2 Doctor, we got another Branzino bleeder in here. Okay.
Guess what? You've heard of a, you've heard of a, you've heard of a hospital gown. Guess what? I invented hospital lingerie.
Put it on.

Speaker 2 You'll feel great. The doctor's like, scalpel, scalpel, please.

Speaker 2 God damn it. Helen, this is a thong.

Speaker 2 Listen, it's precision. That's what this requires.
What is this, heart surgery? That's what this requires. Trust me.
Trust me.

Speaker 2 Before you open up this body, she's going to want to have some panties on. Give it to her.

Speaker 2 No one wants to bleed to death in pajamas. All right.

Speaker 2 Listen.

Speaker 2 It'll just make her look more shapely if you put the Wonder Bra on her, okay, before you go into her appendectomy.

Speaker 2 So she comes up to Carrie and she's like, Captain, that was exhausting. And let me tell you, are you directed by Spike Lee? Because you do the right thing every single time.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 And Carrie's Carrie's like, is she doing all right? I think she's going to therapy after this. No joke.
No joke. The woman is going to be therapized.

Speaker 2 Uh-oh, I just got a video from Kelly. She's drinking a martini and she's saying, this is my therapy.
Okay, I didn't get the joke, apparently. I didn't realize she was joking.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 now Kyle calls one of his friends and he's like, how are you going, lad? And we just hear,

Speaker 2 oh, yeah, well, I'm still kind of over it. You know, I'm got it.
I'm got it by the whole thing. I'm a bit hurt.
You know what I'm saying, don't you?

Speaker 2 It's just killing me. I couldn't get out of bed this morning.
I just need a few days to be like, oh, you're a suck, and then get over it.

Speaker 2 I've just been in a fell mood, but whatever. You know, the wind's the wind's well and truly knocked out of my sails, which everyone wants to hear from someone working on a boat.

Speaker 2 So Lynn's definitely playing the field, which is fair, but maybe I'm a little jealous. Maybe.
But I was definitely catching feelings for this girl, and now I look at, look, I look like a mug.

Speaker 2 Literally, I've got a handle stuck onto my head. I don't know how that happened, drunk accident.
Anyway, I look like a mug and a puppy.

Speaker 2 And you know, I'm not the best version of myself right now, which is sad because if the other version you've seen of me is my best version, well, just think about that.

Speaker 2 But anyway, it's definitely fucking spun for me big time.

Speaker 2 And now this guy is also doing a defense the whole time, but it's a pre-defense because he already knows at this probably that he fucks Barbara or whoever he doesn't he end up fucking Helen or somebody?

Speaker 2 Not Barbara. What do I keep saying? Helen.

Speaker 2 They're making it look like he goes and fucks Helen. So I don't know yet.
I don't know. But it sounds like he's already making a defense.
Like, I'm just so broken up after what Celande did to me.

Speaker 2 Look what I've become. Look what I've just become.

Speaker 2 Yes, he just had to he had to go towards the one person who made him feel attractive, oh guy.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I finally

Speaker 2 veiled a dragon to somebody. It's like themselves.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So now it's the second day of the charter. It's the morning.

Speaker 2 The guests are going to sit down for breakfast. And Helen's like, hi, I'm Helen.
It's Helen. Anyway, I'm leaving.
I'm in the same swimwear as yesterday because that's how quickly I left the boat.

Speaker 2 It was an emergency. I'm wearing the same exact swimwear.
Oh, I guess it's not even the next day. It is the next day, but it's not the next day after the next day.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm feeling the same thing from yesterday.

Speaker 2 It's the next day. The next day from yesterday.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so she's wearing the same thing. And so someone's like, well, you sure have a nice booty, Helen.
She goes, oh, yeah, that's right. Bought and paid for.
Bought and paid for.

Speaker 2 So the guest is like, wow, this food, he prepared this perfectly. I mean, I never thought I would love a tomahawk steak in the morning, but you know, it tastes wonderful.

Speaker 2 You think he's single, this captain? You think he's single? I want him. I want him.
Bring him home to me. I think it's pretty hot.
Gary's like, I hear you, ladies, and I'm not single.

Speaker 2 I've got a very feisty Turkish missus. You don't want to get in, you don't want to get in a ring with that.

Speaker 2 She looks cute, but she'll take you out. Trust me.

Speaker 2 That's why I've been working on my Turkish duolingo. So,

Speaker 2 in case you're wondering,

Speaker 2 I'll have some pita, please, for breakfast. That's what they do in Turkey here.

Speaker 2 What was the thing that we'd always say last season when he was always practicing Turkish? He'd be like, it would just everybody's parting, and then it would just

Speaker 2 cut to him, and he'd be like, Mahaba, Mahaba, Mahaba

Speaker 2 Nazilanis, Nazilanis, Nazilanis,

Speaker 2 Turkish delight. Am I right? All right, that rhymed.

Speaker 2 Listen, my wife didn't want me to go out again, but I told her, honey, I've got to go, because I'm a man, a man who loves Makera!

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, I love an accidental rhyme. I love when I get to say that rhymed.
Or in Turkish, as they say, Bukafieli. Bu kafieli that rhymed in Turkish.
Ironically, doesn't rhyme.

Speaker 2 Teruvan!

Speaker 2 Okay, so there were just two words for adventure. I had to get them in there because it was time to flex.
Flex my muscles.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Barbara is talking to Selene, and she's getting annoyed because Selene, you know, she does suck at her job. And so

Speaker 2 Barbara's like, oh, we have to do these things, you know? She goes, what is turn up?

Speaker 2 She's like, turn up, you know, it is to make sure they change everything, but while they are out. And she she goes, ah, wait, so guests are for us.
She goes, no, for the guests.

Speaker 2 What would it be for us? Everything is for the guests, okay?

Speaker 2 You want turn up in your own room? Your room is not turning up enough? Your room has turned up enough, okay? We need less turn up in your room, personally. I don't even eat turn up.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 then they find a beach for a little beach picnic. The guests head out there and everything, and Fraser welcomes them, and it's like beach fun times and stuff.

Speaker 2 And Helen's like is this a nude beach where's Fraser Fraser I don't like tan lines okay you know what as someone who has a lingerie company you know what I love to do not wear it okay who wants to wear well who wants to wear lingerie am I right

Speaker 2 lines Fraser I gotta take off my top I'm like please don't you know and this is the problem with nude beaches everybody thinks like oh you know you go to the nude beach and everybody is like everyone's gonna be so hot that was my first thought like if I go to nude beach I'm gonna feel so insecure because I'm always so insecure about my body, and everyone's going to be all hot and naked and stuff.

Speaker 2 And then you get there, and no one's hot and naked. And I'm like, wait, these, these are all people I don't want to see naked.
Like, we're HPO's real sex.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like, if I'm going to be naked at the beach and put myself through this trauma, I should at least be able to see hot people. I'm not saying I am one.

Speaker 2 I know I'm not, but at least I can have the view of it. But no, it's, it's the Helens.
It's the Helens and the Franks of the world that are at the Nude Beach. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's unfortunate. It's a shame.
That's why I'm taking a burkini and I'm going to a holiday in pool. No, a best western pool.
I've already decided.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're terribly sorry, but

Speaker 2 the pool's closed for renovations. Sorry.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 uh, so Helen's like, ugh, ugh. Oh my God, the water.
I need Kyle. Kyle, you're my floating raft.
Kyle, just hold me. Hold me because you're my raft.
All right. Here we are, Kyle.

Speaker 2 So she's just like topless and in Kyle's arms, and he's loving it. He's, He's, I mean, she, he's basically, Helen's basically being held up by Kyle's boner at this point.

Speaker 2 And, you know, her husband's just sitting there, Frank, is like, I don't care because he's, he's been down. It's not his first time at the rodeo callback because

Speaker 2 this probably happens every time there's a vacation. He doesn't care.
I feel like the staff is more scandalized than he is. This is, he's like, oh, it's Helen being Helen.
What can I say?

Speaker 2 It's ain't my first time at the rodeo. I got a brancino in my pocket.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he gets used to it. I think they're probably swinging or something something because he's like, well, whatever.
And they're playing this really dramatic music.

Speaker 2 And Kyle's kind of carrying this naked lady through the water. And everybody seems like they're chill and having fun.
But the music's like,

Speaker 2 the music is so extra right now. And Demo's like, she's got her top off and this chick's nuts.
I've got no idea what's going on in that guy's head. Vibes are weird.
I'm like, I think he's just,

Speaker 2 she's like, she wants Kyle. He's wearing himself out as per the duties of a staff member on a yacht.
Yeah. And Kyle's like, listen, my hands, we're about to hold her rate.

Speaker 2 And Helen's like, this is better than a pool float. It's better than a pool float.
You thought it was Stilly. How come they call him Stilley? I've never really understood that.

Speaker 2 It's the last term for Scottish.

Speaker 2 Stilley, I think. Oh, his last name is Stilly.

Speaker 2 Oh, it is? Kyle Stilley. Oh, there you go.
I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Kyle Stilley. I just looked him up.
And he's got a lot of veins in his first picture. He's very veiny in his face.
Is he hot? Is he in the steam room? What's happening to Kyle in this picture?

Speaker 2 I have to look now. It's his Instagram.
Let me see. Stilly.

Speaker 2 Visit.

Speaker 2 May I ask a question? Why am I signed out of Instagram? Okay, here it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He looks terrifying in this picture. Let me see.
What does it say? Somewhere in the world. That's what I am.
That's all it says. Somewhere in the world.
I have to say. never gone hashtag model

Speaker 2 never gone hashtag model

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 still he is having the time of his life he's loving this because you know he's going through a lot right now with salane so to be able to have a fresh body in his arms is is very meaningful to him and you know he says no requests too large so to speak you know there on the boat So, uh, Helen's like, oh, god, Saint David.

Speaker 2 I'm totally doing Saint David again. This is great.
Oh, wow. So then, meanwhile, Celaine calls her brother

Speaker 2 to complain about the situation. Oh, no, I can't believe you said that word, bad mental care.

Speaker 2 I'm very close to my brother. Like, when we are together, we're like best friends and like we do the bad stuff together, like make out with each other and stuff.

Speaker 2 But like, when I have to jump from the window to escape to go see my boyfriend, like, don't tell mom, like, we share the secrets together.

Speaker 2 And I've never been with a woman, so it's a little little surprise for me. But, how could you try to build something with me in the meantime? Like, a new one, like

Speaker 2 the producer's like, uh, you remember making out with uh Scotty or Stilly the other day? She's like, Oh, no, it's not the same. Babo is my best friend, Babo's my woman, so I need to protect myself.

Speaker 2 The first rule is don't get hurt. Well, that's your problem.

Speaker 2 No, do not harm others, yeah, either. Yeah, you know,

Speaker 2 what kind of doctor are you gonna be? First rule,

Speaker 2 don't get hurt. No, do not cause no harm.
Do no harm. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do no harm. First, do no harm.
If I was the head of the doctor community, I would say we need to change our saying because we're constantly doing harm, whether we mean to or not.

Speaker 2 Like not everybody can be saved. And I think it's just...

Speaker 2 It's just self-defeating to say do no harm. Okay.
We're going to get sued. So let's just change it to lava cake should be lava in the middle.
Okay, everybody? Now go forward. Pass it on.
That's right.

Speaker 2 I would say no harm, no charm, right? So Helen is like, they sit down for lunch, and Helen is like, okay, oh my God, this food, I'm just going to worship you right now. This is amazing.

Speaker 2 Jen, Jen, just have a drink. Okay, don't let a Zempic dictate your life.
Okay, have fun.

Speaker 2 Somewhere, Amyra from Next Gen New York City is like, That is like the most biggest breach of etiquette I've ever heard talking about someone else's Ozempic.

Speaker 2 That bitch food shamed me. That bitch food.
She fat fat shamed me. Wow.

Speaker 2 So Jennifer is now they're ready to go back in the water. And Helen's like, I'm not getting back in the water.
Stilly. I'm doing it.
I need Stilly. I need my raft.

Speaker 2 So Fraser is like, Stilly, there's a request to have you in the water, the primary. Do it.
And he's like, oh, I can get fine. I can get back in that water.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, I'd like it to be known that Fraser

Speaker 2 knew what was going on. He knew that he was carrying this naked lady around.
He never said, have some boundaries. Don't forget your boundaries.

Speaker 2 He just said, go back into the water with that lecherous woman. So that's right.

Speaker 2 When he gets in trouble next week, just remember, who's throwing him, tossing him in that bus, bus water.

Speaker 2 You threw me into the bus water. Big bus water.
Big, big bus water. So Anthony's back on the boat.
Carrie's checking in about dinner.

Speaker 2 And Carrie's basically like, can you make sure it's not a three-hour meal? Cause we're all wasted. I don't want to have to sit there for three hours.

Speaker 2 And then Richards pass out on the beach, and which is one of the guests. And Helen and Kyle are getting handsy again.
And Rainbow's like, I'm just like, what? Am I living in a Twilight Zone?

Speaker 2 Like, her husband's 20 meters away. Just you see, Frank, he's like, you know, just wants a beer.
He doesn't.

Speaker 2 The more you do, the less I have to do. Got it, kid.

Speaker 2 So then Fraser calls Carrie to pick them up. And

Speaker 2 Barbara's like telling Selene, you should do the the the welcome drinks and everything and so then they're approaching and Barbara's like Celaine Celaine Barbara Celaine Barbara like come on come to the bar now come to the bar now and Barbara's like no yes oh you can what okay but I have to put away vacuum in good place like we cannot yell at me okay I mean you cannot call me situation because I'm putting vacuum in closet

Speaker 2 So Barbara's getting pissed and she takes both trays out by herself and it's like, where were you? It's like, I'm here, I'm here. Why are you screaming at me? Please come down with me.

Speaker 2 You do not have to talk like this with me. Speak proper.
Speak proper. No, they are here.
They are here. Celine.
Celine, come. Come on.
They are here. Come on.
You have to be here quickly. Okay.

Speaker 2 Then stay here. Okay.
If you don't want to be here, then stay here. Okay, Celine.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's like, okay, well, where are the drinks? And you don't have to scream at me like that, Baba. I don't have to scream at you.

Speaker 2 I'm coming. I'm not here.
But you're not here. I need I need somewhere.

Speaker 2 I cannot I'm not constantly not told about the trade the drinks like I have one tray at a time otherwise things fall and they fall you clean up it actually makes more of a mess

Speaker 2 I mean if you don't do it you're backing earlier i'll do it later but you don't have to better if i need you now i need you now okay i need you now i need you now why you're not here you should be here

Speaker 2 they are here i told you they were here

Speaker 2 so they start passing out drinks and barbara is gonna kill her um so jennifer is like captain i want to know where to send my application and this is the life for me and he's like oh you like working 18 20 hours a day just talking to your kid when he's learning to drive do you know how hard it is trying to teach a 15 year old how to drive on face time

Speaker 2 it's it's not easy

Speaker 2 it's not easy at all but what i will say is

Speaker 2 i'm a book

Speaker 2 oh you're looking at turkish it's worth it

Speaker 2 that was a long phrase you typed in you're like

Speaker 2 What do you talk about typing? That was the sound of my brain churning as I remember the Turkish I've been learning.

Speaker 2 It was a spinning beach ball as you were getting. Spinning beach ball.

Speaker 2 Spinning beach ball, or as they say in Turkey, donut blash turpoo.

Speaker 2 So Damo is like, so, hey, what's going on, Rainbow? Did you get kicked off the boat? Now you're back. What's going on? She's like, well, I was borderline whether I could come or not.

Speaker 2 I mean, we've got tensions on the boat and the interior. I just work so hard.
You know, I just work so hard. I work so hard.
It stresses me out.

Speaker 2 And I think there's something going on with Jess, like a little love triangle. Oh, God, I don't know.
Everything hates each other. Isn't it great?

Speaker 2 Rainbow, the

Speaker 2 observation powerhouse that is Rainbow. I think there's a love triangle going on.
Really?

Speaker 2 I didn't notice that at all.

Speaker 2 Really, nobody talks to Rainbow. It's so sad.
She really is not aware. So then Jess goes to talk to Barbara.
She's like, Are you okay? So I was like,

Speaker 2 Are you sure? I heard you on the radio. Hello? Do you hear me? Is it me you're looking for? Answer me, please.
Answer me. And Barbara's like,

Speaker 2 she ignores her and like scrolls very slowly on her phone. I like when people do the slow scroll on the phone.
Like, I'm not even scrolling quickly. I'm just

Speaker 2 very, very slowly ignoring you. Enjoy.

Speaker 2 I have so much time in the world that I can scroll slowly. And I'm still, with all that time, not taking any of it to talk to you.
That's what I'm doing right now.

Speaker 2 So, Jess does her whole, oh, this is all my fault. I've done horrible things.
This is me suffering the consequences of my actions. So, I guess I will have to suffer.
So, then Jess is like,

Speaker 2 So, did you hear Barbara on the radio with Sososo? And Hugo is like, Oh, she's getting fucking bitched at hard, dude. I was like, Who's Hugo? He's the new guy.

Speaker 2 He's like, She's getting fucking bitched at hard, dude. It's like bad.
It's bad. It's bad.
He's bad. He's from New York.
So Jess is like, I think she's awesome. Like, I really do dig her.

Speaker 2 But people are complaining about the work ethic. Like, it's not the first time I've heard it.
He's like, yeah, well, you might as well get it in soon because I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know what you guys call it, but you might as well get it in soon. What do you? So what do you lesbians do? What's the version of lesbians getting in soon? Might as well get them touching soon.

Speaker 2 Might as well get the legs wrapped around the leg. Might as well scissors soon.
Am I getting close? Tell me. She's like, oh, well, I did sleep alone last night.
Barbara wants nothing to do with me.

Speaker 2 She made me, she made that very clear. And he's like, ah, because you smell like so-so.
That's why. You understand that, right? She's like, oh, it's my own consequences.

Speaker 2 Instagram wall Hugo says, well, this love triangle between Jess, Selene, and Barbara is just, it's just too messy.

Speaker 2 She doesn't know what she wants, but the problem is people are going to be jealous and people are going to pretend to be angry at each other. And you have to be an adult.

Speaker 2 You can't pretend that we're in this bubble.

Speaker 2 you can just freely keep eating getting with people it's just not it's just not going to affect anything i mean we live we eat we sleep we shit in the same place it reminds me when i was a kid i once ate a candy bar there there was my personal information moving on i did it because my dad tortured me there there's a parental story we can move on

Speaker 2 So some of the guys, Barbara and Helen or a couple of those are just like conked out on the couch in the most unattractive, like in the way that you just don't want to be caught by cameras.

Speaker 2 She's like just sitting there with her bikini, like she's all hanging out everywhere. And she's just like,

Speaker 2 they're like breathing with her mouth open. Yeah, it's like mortifying.
And then, like, one of their friends, I don't like their friend who came up and like was trying to wake them up.

Speaker 2 I'm like, let them be passed out. Like, hello, are you guys passed out? Hello? Hello? I'm like, get out of there.
Let them. Yeah, you want to drink? You want a maritime or something?

Speaker 2 What do you want to do?

Speaker 2 So then, let's see, they wake up. Helen wakes up and she's like, I want to pack my suitcase.
Kyle, could you come with me? And he's like, oh, you can take me with you.

Speaker 2 She goes, yeah, you're coming in it. And she's like, I'm taking you home.
That was just so good, Kyle, what you did for me. That was so good.
You do a good job, Kyle. You do a good job.

Speaker 2 Demo, meanwhile, is talking to Hugo and he's like, oh, he's like, still he had a hard shift. And Hugo's like, why?

Speaker 2 There was some wordplay in there, but that you didn't pick up on.

Speaker 2 But anyway, Primary took a liking to him, used him as a flotation device in the water while she was topless and he had an erection an enormous bona erection he's still not following hugo so then uh fraser is uh working with anthony to figure out uh what the what the meal is for the evening and anthony is like um saying how the meal is going to last it's going to take three hours and we've got and but now he's got to do this three-hour meal in just one hour because carrie told him to

Speaker 2 Do you think that Damo is kind of acting weird with Kyle? Do you think like Kyle being hurt that Damo is making out with his girl made Damo go on the defensive?

Speaker 2 Because what does Damo care that he was carrying that lady in the water?

Speaker 2 It seems weird that Damo is making this big of a deal out of it over and over and now going to their boss and making a big deal out of it and kind of tattletailing on him in a very casual way.

Speaker 2 I didn't really expect that behavior from him, you know? Damo's doing the thing

Speaker 2 doing the best thing, but it seems like weird best friend behavior.

Speaker 2 Damo's doing that thing where he did the shitty thing and kind of can't, despite saying that he's in a selfish space in his life and this is just what he's going to do, he kind of can't like actually sit with it and be okay with it.

Speaker 2 So he's going to have to start creating a narrative that Kyle is like the crazy, unprofessional, unreasonable one.

Speaker 2 Because like when he went to Kyle to kind of like apologize, even though Kyle was like, it's all good, he could tell Kyle was mad.

Speaker 2 And so Damo, I don't think is comfortable with having people mad at him. So he has to sort of start turning it on the other person.
So that way, Damo doesn't feel bad because of the other person.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes sense because he's being fishy. That is not like I'm not saying Kyle's being professional.

Speaker 2 I mean, of course, if it was, if it was anybody else being like, well, that is unprofessional. I don't, you know, blah, blah, blah.
I would get it. But like, you're supposed to be best friends.

Speaker 2 And also, you're the one making out with everybody, like, trying to be the most sexually free. Like, you're the male Selene on this boat.

Speaker 2 So it's like for you to be throwing stones feels a little weird, especially to the boss. I don't know.
Shady, shady behavior highlights.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So now Damo

Speaker 2 is talking to Jess about how he has to wash his sheets. And

Speaker 2 Jess is like, I haven't washed my sheets, only done it one time, but I've also been sleeping in other people's beds.

Speaker 2 He's only washed his sheets one time too, this whole charter. That is nasty.
Don't they have some kind of like standard where you have to wash your sheets?

Speaker 2 That's nasty. If only they had some people on board who had some sort of expertise with washing sheets.
If only we had some maids on this board, come on.

Speaker 2 So then, um, uh, so

Speaker 2 then uh, Jess is telling us more. She was this whole situation.
Sorry, I had to say the word. It's making me really nervous.
It reminds me of high school, and it didn't end so well.

Speaker 2 I was in a group of three girls, and there was one girl that I was having a thing with, but it's because the other girl who I, other girl who I actually liked.

Speaker 2 So, what I'm trying to say to you all, America, I've been playing games for for many, many years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was gonna say, like, wow, thanks for the story to illustrate how you never learn fucking anything. You're doing exactly the same thing you did in high school.

Speaker 2 You're like, it reminds me of high school when I was bullied, but you're like the bully, you know? It's like, oh, God,

Speaker 2 I've just run someone over in a crosswalk. It reminds me of high school when I pushed that child out of his chair.

Speaker 2 It reminded me of high school when I first became a garbage person. And, you know,

Speaker 2 I didn't like, you know, she didn't like me back and I tried to make her jealous and I decided not to go for the person that I actually liked. And then the other girl fucked me over.

Speaker 2 And I don't know what's up with me and fucking up relationships with girls. I'm really good at it, apparently.
I'm like, I know what's up with you.

Speaker 2 You're terrible. Yeah, you're an asshole.
That's what's wrong with you. Yeah.
And you're the one fucking everybody over in these relationships. They're not fucking you over.

Speaker 2 And they're stopping for your crying.

Speaker 2 You were in an insincere. You led someone on insincerely because you were using them in a game to

Speaker 2 arouse the attention of someone else in a triangle you idiot yeah

Speaker 2 so um

Speaker 2 demo is talking about how rainbows is he saying rainbow's been coming on to him pretty strong and she's like oh my god demo no

Speaker 2 you've been flirting with this girl all season so don't make it seem now like oh my god i don't know where rainbow's coming from i guess rainbow's into me Come on, sir.

Speaker 2 Both of you. It's like both the fuckboys talking each other through something.
It's like two two dumb, two dumb fuckboys standing around telling each other exactly. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Well, tonight is an eight-hour meal with a tasting menu, and it's where you can judge if a chef is good or not because you want to come up with a story for the table.

Speaker 2 And that's the most important period.

Speaker 2 So the first course to the last course, you have to make up a story, you know? It's not just shit you throw over, but I feel like it's too much in my head every day.

Speaker 2 But now I'm a new man and I'm telling myself, I'm a winner. I'm a winner.
I'm a winner. I'm a renew.
Oh, I did that one wrong. And I got this.
I got this.

Speaker 2 This got,

Speaker 2 yeah, I like that he's trying to get all like, I'm a bitchy chef now. Like, he's trying to change his character in the middle of the season.
And I'm just not buying it. Like, Fraser comes in.

Speaker 2 He's like, how's dinner coming? He's like, please, Fraser, I don't want anyone in here. This is not summer camp.
This is summer camp where people come in kitchen.

Speaker 2 It's like, what kind of summer camp are you in? Where it's just everybody was in the kitchen.

Speaker 2 Kitchen Summer Camp. We all know Kitchen Summer Camp.
You do not have that in America.

Speaker 2 So Damo is saying how Frank is the best guest they've had all season.

Speaker 2 He's like, he's like, yeah, there's a few mob vibes, but you know, they look like they spent a couple of days down by the pizzeria swapping stores about the old days, about how Frankie Two Fingers got his name, etc.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I just, I just love now when Damo dips into American culture. First, he had the cowboy thing, and now he's like, Frankie, Two Fingers.

Speaker 2 I'm waiting to see what's next. You can do like a Woody Allen impersonation next.

Speaker 2 So Hugo's like, oh, wait, Captain's going to be at the table? She's like, yes, so if we can pick up any advanced problems we're going to have, that would be great.

Speaker 2 Like, if you have no idea the attention to detail we do to service with him, it is insane what we do for the captain. You do not.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 You sit his ass down and serve him the same old hot dogs everyone else gets.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your evening of lingerie and lights. Here to join you, wearing his most formal teddy.

Speaker 2 Captain Carrie, please, Captain Carrie, come join.

Speaker 2 And Anthony is like, Well, the plan is ours, but it is most important. Captain is coming, and it is scary for me, but he's so important to me.
I want to make sure this is right, you know.

Speaker 2 So I'm all so nervous.

Speaker 2 So, Carrie comes in, and meanwhile, Jess is having dinner. Selena is having dinner in the crew mess.
And Jess is like, what happened with you and Barbara today?

Speaker 2 Because I heard her a couple of times call you. She's like, oh, no, she asked me, Solene, come down now.
And I said, don't speak to me like that. You know, no worries.
It's not about you, Jess.

Speaker 2 And she's like, but I care about if you keep your job or not.

Speaker 2 Because guess what? Production just told me we're starting a new storyline that you're about to get fired. And she's like, well, you know what? Stop to care about that anything.

Speaker 2 Stop to say you care. Stop to say you care.
She's like, why? What's wrong with caring about that? I'm telling you now, you need to be really careful.

Speaker 2 I don't want you to get off this boat, but I do want to get you off on this boat. If you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, maybe I prefer when we don't talk.

Speaker 2 And so she's like, oh, she just gives me off vibes. You know, now she's very distant.
I don't like, I don't find people who aren't driven attractive. Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Okay, so now you're going to come up with a way that this is your choice? Come on. Yes.
Yes. She's going to, that's exactly what this is.
Now she's going to make it seem like Solane isn't serious.

Speaker 2 She goes, I don't know. Something's changing for me.
Too much trauma that you caused. I feel like I'm losing my head on this boat.
Barbara is super real. Exactly what you see is what you get.

Speaker 2 Like she speaks her feelings. And I just, I do have regrets.
I feel like I'm going in circles, like Barbara's banglets. It's just hard.
You know, it's hard.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's not hard, but she's fucking up at every turn on this.
On this one.

Speaker 2 She really is. That's the end of the episode, though.
That's the big cliffhanger, which is what will happen next week. Will Jess and Selene still have terse conversations, I guess?

Speaker 2 Next week on people you don't care are fucking each other.

Speaker 2 That's a good rebrand. Thanks, everyone, for being here.
It's a delight. Fun times.
Fun times, everybody. Good talking to you.
We will talk to you next time. Love you guys.
Bye.

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There's a chance of meatballs.

Speaker 1 It's Rebecca Cloud. She's the queen bee.
It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie.
It's Sarah Telefson. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.
Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop.

Speaker 1 Let's take off with Tam La Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.
She ain't no shrinking Violet Kouchar.

Speaker 2 We love you guys.

Speaker 1 If you like Watch Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.

Speaker 3 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 3 Then, the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 3 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 3 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation. In this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history.

Speaker 3 through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive. Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 3 You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.