#2956 Below Deck S12E10: Stillie the Boulder Holder

Weight loss medications are everywhere right now.

Everyone's talking about them.

Everyone's on them.

But let's be real.

Have you seen the price tag?

It's hard to believe they're actually accessible.

That's where HERS comes in.

HERS is transforming women's health care by providing access to affordable weight loss treatment plans.

They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you.

If prescribed, you get medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care, check-ins, dosage, and medication adjustments.

Weight loss by HERS is realistic, not restrictive, and it's affordable.

HERS provides access to both oral medication kits and GLP-1 injectable options.

Start your free online visit today at forhers.com slash crap ins that's f-o-r-h-e-r-s.com slash crap ins for your personalized weight loss treatment options.

Forhers.com slash crap-ins.

Weight loss by HERS is not available everywhere.

Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness, or quality by the FDA.

Prescription required to see website for full details, important safety information, and restrictions.

Actual price depends on product and plan purchase.

What's the difference between a house and a home?

A home is a cozy place, a place that feels unique to the people living in it.

And photos on the wall is a perfect way to make your space fully yours.

Smallwood Home can help you with that.

SmallwoodHome.com turns your favorite photos into gallery quality framed prints or wrapped canvases, all handcraft in the USA, shipped in days and priced to make your whole home smile.

I just ordered fantastic pictures of my nieces and my family when they were here in Los Angeles and I'm going to have that memory forever and they look amazing.

With fast shipping, affordable pricing and the highest quality prints available, it makes sense that Smallwood Home has over 3 million happy customers.

And now it's your turn.

Right now, get 30% off when you use the code Krapens at SmallwoodHome.com.

That's promo code Krapens to get 30% 30% off.

Your first order at smallwoodhome.com.

Give your memories the showcase they deserve.

We are sponsored by the new movie from Searchlight Pictures, The Roses.

Perfect couple Ivy, Olivia Coleman, and Theo Rose, Benedict Cumberbatch, have it all.

Successful careers, a loving marriage, and great kids.

But when Theo's career comes crashing down, just as Ivy's fame starts to skyrocket, a tinderbox of fierce competition and growing resentment ignites, threatening to destroy everything they've built if they don't destroy each other first.

All's fair when love is war.

For anyone who's ever been in a relationship, The Roses is a crowd-pleasing comedy.

Starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Olivia Coleman, Andy Sandberg, Allison Janey, Shuti Gatwa, and Kate McKinnon.

From the director of Meet the Parents and writer of Poor Things.

Directed by Jay Roach and screenplay by Tony McNamara.

This movie looks absolutely hilarious.

I love Olivia Coleman so much.

I'll see anything she's in, and this one looks like a home run.

In Theaters Everywhere, August 29th.

Get tickets now.

Well, hello, you little darlings.

Welcome to Watch What Crappens.

I'm Ronnie.

That's Ben over there.

Hi, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

Good.

I'm still sty.

I'm still burdened with my sin sty.

So I've got that today.

So I've got glasses on, but otherwise, good.

We just did Jeff Lewis over on SiriusXM.

That was a rollicking good time.

It was.

Yeah, so just got home from that.

And what else?

You know what?

Getting ready to do a little below deck.

We had an Amazon live last night, which was super fun.

Our next one is going to be Monday, August.

What did I say yesterday?

What's 4th?

I will tell you, 18th.

So it'll be Monday, August 18th at 4 p.m.

over on Amazon Live.

You can always get the links day of on our Instagram.

So that was great.

Also, next week will be Crappy Hour.

This coming Monday will be Crappy Hour.

So that's super fun.

If you want these recaps on videos instead of just audio, get them.

Okay.

Go over to Patreon.

Krappens.

Patreon is where you get Krappins on demand episodes and our bonus episodes.

Also, this is Dwell Hello Week over on Wondry Plus.

So if you like househunters recaps, we've got a killer one coming for you about a cougar in Sacramento moving in with a very young man, a very young, poorly coiffed male.

A very young, but extremely articulate and precocious

22-year-old with a lot of insights and definitely understands how to do things like, I don't know, opening up medicine cabinets.

Guys, I don't know a lot, but I know this, that guy's going places.

And we're going to talk about it on this MMA fighter.

We're going to talk about it on this week's dwell.

Hello.

All right, so let's get into her.

How'd you feel about Below Dick, Bam?

I felt good about it.

It was, you know, another episode.

How did you feel?

I was sad they got rid of drunk Kelly.

We needed Kelly for this episode.

Although, Kelly was replaced in this episode by her insane friend,

not Helen, Barbara.

Was it what was her?

What was Helen?

Helen is

the primary.

So it was

all boobalitious.

Yeah.

It's what we do.

It's what we do.

Okay.

That's what we got to get out of my boobs.

Got to get my boobs out.

I got to get my boobs out, you know?

I don't remember the, there was another lady there who I loved, and she was the one who's like, my daughter knocked my Louis Vuitton into the, into the toilet, and I said, you know what?

When I die, you're waiting for a bag.

That's the one they're going to get.

you're gonna get the piss bag because you knocked it over you gotta pay attention when you're around my expensive bags knocked it into the toilet I think I get them confused do they look exactly the same they do they do they both have like um black long black hair they both they went in hard for the Kardashian look a few years ago and they're still in it and um one has bigger lips than the other but one has bigger boobs than the other so one's boobs one's lips okay Well, you know, God bless them.

God bless them.

So here we go.

Carrie is kicking

Kelly off, the drunk Kelly.

So he's like, someone needs to go with Kelly.

Take her ashore.

And I was like, I'll go with her as long as I can come back.

All I ask is that I get to come back on the ship.

Please let me come back on the ship.

All right.

And Kelly's like, where's my bag?

Did you Democrats take my bag again?

And they're like, you know, it's the same thing.

Liberals taking bags that's what they do all the time yeah democrat lead you in my bag

kamala kamala kamala terrorists probably took my bag somewhere i'm not standing for this look all like all right all right kelly all right i'm gonna go with you kelly okay it's on your shoulder the bag's on your shoulder kelly okay let me go with you

And Kelly is walking out in her bikini.

You know, it's not dripping out of her face.

And Barbara's like, oh my God, she's going without trousers.

I think

she needs a short.

She needs a short.

Please, somebody help her.

And sure enough, Kelly splats right into the boat,

right on her hoo-ha bone.

Yeah, and she keeps saying, I just wanted to go on the banana bowl.

I mean, that's

all I wanted to do.

I mean, so like, why?

Suddenly, you can't.

What?

This is America.

We're allowed to go on a banana boat if we want to go in a banana boat.

He's a pussy.

He's a pussy.

He's a

pussy.

This is America.

I can't go on a banana bow.

It's becoming a banana republic.

Pussy, you're a pussy, captain.

So she's screaming pussy at the captain from the little boat.

And then even when they get her ashore, they show her on the shore.

She's like, pussy, the guy's a goddamn pussy is what he is.

Do we ever find out?

Was there any articles come out saying what happened to Kelly after this, after this,

this incident?

Did she get arrested in St.

Martin?

She's in some French prison making cheese.

Yeah,

that's what they do there, you know.

That's where 95% of Brie actually comes from French prisoners.

Yeah.

It's their license plates.

They make cheese license plates.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Literally, like if you go to France, they don't have license plates.

They just have wheels of brie with numbers scratched into them.

That's a maintain a very cold temperature in that country.

So Carrie's like, all right, she's gone ashore and she'll be fine.

So we're going to pick up the primary tomorrow.

Thank you for everyone's help.

Thank you.

Thank you for all the the hiding you did and not dealing with Kelly.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for no one helping me keep the door closed.

Demo's like, I did.

I helped.

All right.

You did.

Thank you.

You helped me imprison a Republican.

Thank you.

Thank you for it.

Thank you for your service.

You know, it went from zero to 1,000 in a moment.

I mean, well, maybe, maybe several moments.

You know, let me rephrase that.

It went from zero to a thousand after the 15th drink that we served her.

And I've never seen someone.

oh all right all right kelly you're off the boat you're gonna go to jail you can go to two jails a dutch jail and a french jail because you can see matt you

cheese fuck you wheel of cheese

all right she got she got more and more aggressive she was as scary as that bridge that we're about to crash into 15 more times this season

you still hear her she's she's now on the dock lugging her uh lugging her luggage screaming, fuck you got me, pussy.

So he's like, wait, put everyone's safety at risk.

It had to be John.

And that's me.

Life sometimes is not an adventure.

So he got rid of her.

And then we go to Brian.

He's like, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that crap, Captain.

That is some bullshit.

That girl is trash.

Okay.

Well, you know, it's all in a day's work, mate.

No big deal over here.

Just

put a big, someone put a big pause on fun.

That's what happened.

Big pause on fun night.

Thanks a lot, Kelly, you trashy slut.

Well, don't you worry because you've got the rest of your charter to enjoy yourselves.

So get to it.

And then Rainbow, you know, a lot of people stick up for Rainbow in the comments.

I don't think Rainbow's an evil person, but I do see why so many people get annoyed with Rainbow because She just has this way of talking to people.

So she goes up to Barbara, who's working, you know, she's like, barbara are you good with staying on service are you good with that it's just such an intense fakey niceness that just rubs people the wrong way you know me yeah it rubs me the wrong way barbara's like yes i'm fine please please don't talk to me while i roll towel this towel i'm rolling has more personality than you please please barbara's like i don't know if you saw but this is my sad episode so i should not be talking to many people okay

so frank frank is the i think he's helen's husband and he's missing some jewelry.

And Barbara's like, oh, really?

It was, it was with you, the big black one.

And Fraser's like, Frankie, I found something for you.

And

they, I guess they find

this necklace.

It was just, it was in his shirt the whole time.

He was wearing it.

Fraser just like reaches down.

He's like, either this is an enormous hard nipple.

Or it's your jewelry.

He's like, ah, you got it, kid.

You got it.

This kid's got it.

He keeps doing that.

Still like a little horny.

Yeah, Pushy.

To be honest, at this stage, my excitement for this chart has completely gone out the window.

I'm going to start calling it my boyfriend.

We're going to try and put everything we've just gone through behind us and bring the fun and joy back to this trip.

Because when people see me, Fraser, they think, fun and joy.

He's the man who will bring it.

So there might be a slight amount of hope that this will increase our tip.

The hope is though very, very small, much like the love I had for my boyfriend.

So now Kyle is talking about how he's usually the drunk one.

And he's like, is that what I look like?

Fuck, that's what I look like when I'm all drunk.

Jesus, that's the kind of tantrum I have.

You know, Lee, Dekhan gets my girl.

Fucking mate gets my girl.

You know, just all of the tantrums.

And Jess, who stole his girl, and Damo, who stole his girl,

try to comfort him,

but it's not really working.

Yeah, I'm going to need Kyle Kyle to like wrap up his moping because I really, I don't know if I have the bandwidth to take on someone feeling so sad about

a hookup.

Like you guys weren't even together, you guys had like you made out in a hot tub.

Like, let's not act like this was a 10-year romance that came to a conclusion.

This is not Kramer versus Kramer.

This is just, it's just so lame.

So, well, and also, I just don't want to see any more of it.

Also, it's, it's Kyle who has no standards.

So, Kyle will like fuck a doorknob.

You know, he doesn't care.

Yeah.

He's like, he will fuck a, you know, squirrel on this.

Like, he doesn't care.

He's just one of those.

He's probably took a goat to prom.

You know, he's just one of those guys, as we learn later in the episode.

He will fuck anything.

He doesn't have any standards.

So I don't know.

I can't really listen to him like cry like it's the great love of his life.

You know, you could literally just walk down the street and pick anyone and it would be fine for you.

So just be quiet.

It's like me missing a meal.

You know, I have so many meals.

Like, it's okay.

It's okay.

No one wants to hear me complain about missing one tuna sandwich.

There are other fish in the sea, and we all know Kyle will actually make out with a fish.

So like, let's just, let's just, like, nip this in the bud.

Okay.

Also, maybe, like,

I don't know, maybe Kyle could like be less of like a dirtbag.

Like, we all like Kyle, but he's also like,

Are people genuinely excited to bring Kyle around to be like, hey, look at this guy I'm dating.

It's this guy.

And it winds up being Kyle.

Like, maybe there's a reason why people maybe visit with the lips and then move on because it's oh, did they have sex?

They had sex, didn't they?

Uh,

they just got

been kissed,

or when did they have sex?

No, but I think you're right.

Maybe they did have sex, either way.

I don't remember, it's just kind of like having sex.

I'm not keeping count.

I just feel like, Kyle, there's a certain amount of like, you know, why don't you be more of an aspirational hookup for someone rather than the

rather than the Roy Rogers they visit on the way to another city

road trip?

The Roy Rogers.

It's a mixed metaphor.

Okay, I'm mixing a lot of metaphors here, but I think we all get what I'm trying to say.

Okay.

Okay, well.

Yeah, that guy is, I don't feel bad for him either, but I do.

I mean, I do kind of like him, but shut up.

So I like him, but I'm, yeah, I like him, but shut up.

It's over.

We don't want to deal with it anymore on the show.

Yeah.

So Celine is like, oh, maybe I can think baby Blake.

You know, I never think baby Blake you.

Maybe I can think baby Blake here.

She's just like kind of looking out over the swim platform and she's waving at Jess.

And Jess is like, um,

not Jess.

Rainbow's like, oh, hi, babe.

When you're done out here, do you mind just checking dayheads and then helping Barbara with service?

She goes, okay, I do dayheads now, which becomes a huge problem for Rainbow later.

Absolutely.

So then the guests are talking, and

you know, they're talking to Barbara at the bar, and they're just like talking about

just,

you know, Kelly being a total disaster and everything.

And so Brian is like, well, that's Frankie's girl.

That's not my girl.

And Frank is like, I mean, do you, what, you think I date girls like that?

And he's like, well, absolutely not.

It's like, I mean, years ago, I mean, I'm not with her anymore.

It's like, he's, Brian's like, nah, dude.

I don't date train wrecks.

Sorry.

I love Break.

Like, you think I date girls like that?

Have you seen Helen?

She's the epitome of class.

Look at her out there.

So people are getting ready for dinner.

Dropping out Wayne Newton songs on the deck.

Then, you know, when you go to St.

Martin, you go there for one thing, which is to have a cowboy party.

I mean, when you think of the Caribbean, what do you think about?

Horses, lasso,

cowboys.

Mob wives, ladies in, you know, frills.

So Fraser is announcing to everybody that they've all got cowboy outfits.

And he's like, oh, God, this is a crop top.

What man is going to put on the crop top?

So Celine, they're going over picnics and stuff.

No, they're going over the outfits.

And Celine's like, well, look, this dress looks like a picnic table.

I'm no picnic table.

Why it looks like picnic table, you know?

And, you know, Demo actually is embracing the crop top life, etc.

And then Hugo's putting on, whatever, they're just putting on these costumes and making jokes.

And then Fraser's like, tonight's theme is cowboy night.

I went to a rodeo once.

It was basically cows, fat men, and barbecues.

And that's when I learned how to crack a whip.

So,

yeah.

I don't know.

Fraser is sort of annoying me.

He's just

fun.

He's not funny.

His interviews are so funny and he's just, he's trying too hard.

And he's like a robot.

I need a recast.

I agree.

I love that there is a gay man as a chief stew, but I feel like his little interview quips feel either rehearsed or scripted.

And the way he sort of like leans in when he says them, I don't know.

They're like, they're giving me groan more than anything else.

I just, I just want him to be better.

And also, that's really not what a rodeo is, sir.

So be quiet.

Yeah, don't crack away.

Don't make me stand up for rodeos.

That's how lame you are.

You're making me stand up for rodeos right now.

Okay.

Rodeos are more than cows and fat people and barbecue.

So Celine is like, there's also cow poop smell.

There's clowns.

There's clowns.

Okay.

So Fraser is, you know, being hilarious.

And Celine is like, oh, no, this is not cowboy.

I look like prostituted cowboy.

And he's like, your tits, your tits are unprofessional.

Look at those things.

And she's like, oh, I'm the cow who gives milk to the cowboy.

So Demo says, there's only three things that are important to me.

And that's my, oh, he goes, there's only three things that are important to me.

And that's my God, my truck, and my lady in that order.

He does it in like a southern accent, which is, so everyone, that's congratulations.

That's what we are exporting to the world.

This is, he's like, I'm going to say something that's typically American.

I was like, that's, I guess, us.

God on my baby.

So Jess is trying to be nice to Barbara, but Barbara's just ignoring her.

And it's like, Barbara and I, you know, we have my personal stuff here, but, you know, you don't need to wash it, Barbara.

So I'll just take it out of my cabin.

If you don't want to wash it, you don't have to.

And Barbara's like, ignore, ignore.

Talk to the curly hair.

Talk to the curly hair.

I have nothing to say to you.

The bangs are closed.

So Jess is like, you you can hear a fucking feather drop right now.

It's so awkward between Barbara and I.

And Barbara's like, it's not nice, you know?

Like, we don't joke with feelings.

Like, we don't joke with people, period.

Don't involve people in your shit.

And Jess is like, I don't know.

It's so weird.

I come from a family.

Oh, wait, hold on.

Instagram wall.

I come from a family that, like, we don't give a shit.

We don't speak about our feelings, but we do speak.

And you know what I mean?

Like, even if we're upset with one another, we just kind of get on with it i'm like but you're not making out with your family you're not your family at least i don't think maybe you are

you never know i know so uh barbara's over it she's like whatever i'm done with her so then uh anthony's making dinner which really isn't that important to say except guys i really love slow motion onions being chopped it's just so sexy

the way they decide to use a depth of field on those close-ups of him chopping really elevates the whole show and they really add in that sound effect of the onion being chopped slowly.

It's like, oh,

you know what's actually funny is that, like, whenever, whenever they do that, whenever they do this like slow-motion onion being chopped, it just kind of looks like the promo that plays on like a TV screen in a hotel room when you check in.

They're like, and downstairs, eat at Del Frisco Monaco or

award-winning steakhouse.

They always show like a slow-motion chef and then like a fire raging.

That's just what they're doing on this show.

The best chicken nugget and a best western this side of the Mississippi.

And then it cuts to some ladies with martinis.

And then if you want an adventurous night out, go to

Blonnie's, our martini bar located on our rooftop, which has recently exterminated all the pigeons.

Yeah, it's all classy.

And then you go down to the pool and it's like, what do you mean need a bathroom?

Just piss in the pool, Donnie.

Just piss in the pool.

We don't have time for this.

Like, wait a minute.

Where's Damani's steakhouse?

What the hell?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's all chaining their diapers on a pool chair.

Unfortunately, our kitchen is closed, but it's 8:30.

Yeah, yeah, it's closed.

But I thought this was.

Oh, yeah, that rooftop bar.

We've been remodeling that for about a year.

Oh, you're staying on the 10th floor?

Yeah, you'll be hearing that.

Unfortunately, we discovered a whole bunch of raw asbestos really all over that rooftop so we're just gonna

we're going to leave this card on the door if you don't want us to clean your room because you know we're trying to conserve water oh really really change my seats how about that fucking best what is this the best western or the mediocre western

Well, unfortunately, our best western sign did burn down.

So if you, we do apologize for the inconvenience.

Oh, and another thing is we recently learned that the club next door is undergoing endless construction, but not during operating hours.

So that means there'll be construction during the day and at night, the club music will happen all night.

Okay, here's some tiny,

we've given you some tiny earplugs and the white noise machine that's supposed to do something.

It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a Krappens commercial.

Why drop a fortune on basics when you don't have to?

Quince has the good stuff.

High-quality fabrics, classic fits, and lightweight layers for warm weather, all at prices that make sense.

Quince has closet staples you'll want to reach for over and over, like cozy cashmere, cotton sweaters from just 50 bucks, and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed-up dinners.

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

We've been talking about Quince for a long time.

We both love it.

I love online shopping, and Quince is the most fashionable destination I use for sure.

I've got a beautiful suede jacket that I got from Quince.

I get compliments on it every single time I wear it.

I actually currently have a Mongolian Cashmere Henley sweater in my shopping bag, and I'm about to hit purchase as soon as we're done recording this very ad.

Keep it classic and cool with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash crappins for free shipping on your order and 365-day day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com slash crappins to get free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com slash crappins.

Sometimes work is so intense.

There's so much for us to do.

There's so much for us to recap that I actually get very stressed out.

And thankfully, I have therapy to turn to.

And I think it's really, really important.

I call it a mind massage.

I love therapy.

It helps me out so much.

Finding a therapist is hard enough, but finding one who actually takes your insurance, that's where most online therapy platforms fall short.

Many don't work with insurance at all, which means you're stuck paying the full cost out of pocket or paying for an expensive monthly subscription.

Rula does things differently.

They partner with over 100 insurance plans, making the average copay just $15 per session.

That's real therapy from licensed professionals at a price that actually makes sense.

Rula considers your goals, your preferences, and background to provide you with a curated list of licensed in-network therapists who are actually aligned with what you need.

Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance.

Visit rula.com/slash crap ins to get started.

After you sign up, you'll be asked how you heard about them.

Please support our show and let them know we sent you.

That's r-u-l-a.com/slash crap-ins.

You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.

So, Jess sees Celine, and

Jess is like, Are you on break right now?

I was like, no.

She goes, then why don't don't talk to me?

Why don't you get to work?

She's like, no, my work is to find guests.

I will find guests.

Maybe I find gas now.

So, and she's like, but you'll never find the gas here.

She's like, no, I was taking Carol in the laundry.

She's like, okay, but you need to go to work.

Otherwise, I'm going to get you in trouble.

Oh, what?

What is your trouble?

Barbara hits me.

Oh, because I'm an asshole.

Oh, it wasn't very nice.

You know, because she didn't like that we kissed.

And I said I liked her.

But then five minutes later, I'm with you.

And then I'm in bed with you.

So now Celaine's like, uh, wait, so you like Barbara?

What the hell?

What she already knows.

I love that she's acting like she has no idea.

Like, she didn't just sit there and watch with a little dirty look on her face or an upset look on her face last week when at the pool when she was canodling with Barbara and talking to her and then kissing her and stuff like that, which is why she ended up making her move later and boning her.

So we all know your move, Celine.

Okay.

So Celine's like, well, you can like Barbara too.

What do I care?

You can like Barbara too.

I don't care.

She's like, well, obviously she's not the type of person to, you know, go for somebody, but then that person is going for somebody else after they say they like you.

So she goes, oh, but what is your situation with me?

You call me situation.

Why you call me situation?

I want to understand.

And she's like, well, it wasn't right.

I hurt her feelings, you know, and now she won't speak to me.

And I fucked everything up.

Oh, no.

What have I done

oh but I really do not know about the situation like you like Barbara now I know like you can go back to sleeping in your own bed I do not want to be situation Celaine you literally like you were you were born a situation okay like why is Selene shocked that she's a situation she's made out with the entire boat and the entire island practically at this point and I'm not even slut shaming I say go for it but then don't be surprised when people are like yeah I'm in a weird situation where I'm hooking up with this person who's who's fun to hook up with like you know like don't be surprised at your situation but it's the attention she needs the attention from every single living person around her you know and then the second they give her enough and she's hooked them then she dumps them like kind of still you know and then she needs attention so she'll start around in front of stilly to kind of like lead him on and then i don't know she and then but the thing that surprised me is that she got upset and she's like well i don't know how it's possible that she's like someone else you know if she decides to stop with me, I feel like a fail.

Voila.

I just don't know.

She hurt me.

Did she hurt me?

She hurt me.

I don't know.

And she's crying.

Like, what the fuck?

You're the biggest gamer here.

I can't.

But she's like, I didn't hook one.

You know, I failed.

If you don't know if she's like,

does it all?

I failed.

It's like she likes someone else.

I'm a fail.

I'm getting kicked off Love Island all over again.

Yeah.

If you don't know if you've been hurt, chances are you probably have not been hurt.

So

they anchor and they're going to start plating.

And Anthony is saying, After the villa, it's a fresh start because I see now I feel really better.

You know, now I can cook hot dogs alone and not be mad about it.

I'm just so happy.

What I love, I do every day.

Like, oh, can we have an Instagram more, please?

I'm going to have a personal moment.

Okay, there it is.

And here we go.

Cooking is my purpose for sure because I have very bad dyslexia.

So I almost got kicked out of school.

But like I can't focus on one thing.

The one thing I'm focused on is when I cook.

So I feel like Konya is going to save my life from dyslexia.

And every time I cook for people, I'm wondering, am I cooking for people or am I cooking people?

Dyslexia.

I just don't feel like it's a job.

It's a passion.

The way they're tying this in.

It is nissi up.

It is nice yep.

Oh, did you mean passion?

Dyslexic, please.

I'm trying not to break down right now.

Okay.

Smart.

The way they are like tenuously drawing this together, like, oh, I feel so much better after I talked with Fraser because I was, I am dyslexic and I had a hard time in school and cooking saved my life because I had a hard time and I found something where dyslexia was not going to interfere.

And so I was happy.

I'm happy now that everything is okay because now I can go back to the thing that I love.

I mean, come on,

this is too much.

It's like you just threw a straw hat and yelled at some people.

You don't need a full dyslexia monologue.

Okay.

We don't need to hear like the, yeah, we don't need to hear like the fine subtext about how dyslexia informed your tantrum right now like it's fine you're dyslexic it's okay like it's we'll move on well this isn't your defense for the death penalty you know it's like oh but my childhood it was so hard and then i found culinary school which saved me saved me from reading you know

listen

it's a parking ticket you can just pay the fine and go home

Anthony, I'm not discrediting your dyslexia, you know, like that's a real thing, but we all know if you're a real chef, culinary school cooking would have saved you from drugs and living on the street, not dyslexia.

So you kind of just like showed your ass there.

Okay, be more hardcore.

So Rainbow's like, um, Fraser, can I please see you?

It's about Solane because today I was cleaning and doing, and, you know, cleaning up deck, and she was just standing there doing nothing on the app deck, just staring off.

And I was like, hey, babe, mind checking the day ends.

And he's like, and what did she say?

What was her response?

She said, hold on.

Okay, sure.

Well, I guess that's a better response than we've had in the past.

I'm just going to keep a closer eye on her without actually reprimanding her or telling her she has to do her job better or tell her to respect you.

I'll just say that I'm going to keep a closer eye on her so that way you get out of my personal space and I can go back to doing things like coming up with my next equip for my interview.

Have you ever been been to a rodeo what are they like exactly what do they do there something about fat men i just want to say fat men what else happens there

are there actually roads in a rodeo or does it happen in a different sort of space So Rainbow really thinks she did something there.

She's like,

since the villa, the dynamic between Barbara Solane and I has not changed.

And it's the point where everybody's on the outs.

And it's like sad, but it is refreshing to be like, okay, guys, we're all like outside now.

We all get it, right?

We all get it.

You saw somebody standing there.

You asked them to do work.

They said, okay, move along now, ma'am.

I don't know

what you're getting.

This is very liberating for her.

She's like, wait, we are finally at a place where we all are not getting along.

which makes me feel most at home because this is how it was before we went to the island in the middle of a lake in Holland where we all fought.

Yeah.

She's happiest when nobody's getting along.

Like it's not just her that people don't like.

it's everybody that's the environment she knows best

so fray's just like yeah we're gonna do cabin so everyone's changing for the cowboy cowboy dinner and um they're saying how they really just don't want oh one guy richard's like well i don't even want kelly to come on this trip and yeah and they're like yeah i don't want him either and they're like it's bummed they're bummed because helen basically has to spend the night you know

she has to spend could you think of something more more insulting and terrible than having to spend the night on a beautiful Caribbean island alone instead of being on a yacht?

Well, with Kelly, though.

That's the problem.

She has to keep that wreck going.

So Brian calls Helen.

She's like, hey, it's me, Helen.

I just want a promise.

A promise I could return.

And he's like, what the?

You know what?

This is stupid and it's not your fault.

It's not anyone else's fault, but that trash Kelly.

You tell your crazy ass white trash slut friend she doesn't need, she needs to go home.

And you got to come back here and enjoy your friends because one thing we are not going to have on this boat is ketley and you better tell her that friends think that brian's really

brian's really ready to go he's on one yeah he really is so um now they're gonna do this uh cowboy thing

and uh it's time for dinner they all are gathering anthony uh serves a boulia base which is just what they would eat on the frontier super rodeo super rodeo.

When I think rodeo, I'm like, get me that boulia base.

Can we have some muscles?

Maybe, maybe a delicate, I don't know, vichysois.

So someone asked Frank if he's got a girlfriend.

He's like, it's a long story.

Papow.

Brown's like, well, you're allergic to girlfriends because they break out and cuss, right?

Am I right?

Like, Helen.

And someone's like, God, it's just not the same without Helen.

Is it, God,

we miss Helen.

Like, We're down to Frank's mistresses.

Like, that's what we're talking about now.

Come on.

She's missing this cowboy boolea base.

Such a travesty.

So, uh, Barbara is talking, has sits down with Solane, and she's like, Let me ask you something.

Is everything okay between us?

And she's like, Yep, because I really feel like you're a bit upset about this.

And she's like, Well, I really like her, of course, as you could tell by the fact that I started making out with other people.

And just today, just to she just told me, like, I like Barbara, and I was feeling bad about that.

and she's like well we we just made out you know at the carnival because that's what you do but it was just one little kiss you know and I don't think she put me in a nice situation but it's not fair and you know I'm just everything's my fault and I just want to explain to you because I just want to be friends with you.

So they make up basically.

And Barbara's like, yeah, I just want to explain.

And she's like, oh, thank you, Barbara.

At least you explain.

You explain.

Now I understand.

She goes, okay.

Oh my God, there's lipstick in the toilet.

Where's this woman putting her mouth?

You see that there's lipstick, like marks on the rim of the toilet, like she was

making out with the toilet lid.

What the hell?

There's also like lipstick like under the sofa.

I think that she like sat on her lipstick and it got like on her thigh or her leg.

And then

it just smeared on everything she sat on because

lady operates.

I know, disgusting.

I mean, I'm, it's, I, I would, I would be mortified if I were her, but we all know she's not mortified.

She's actually probably so proud.

She's like, look at me, look at me,

look at that, look at that, dude.

I was being hilarious.

So,

yeah, so she's got, she got it everywhere.

So, and

next up at the rodeo meal, Branzino with lemon caper sauce.

Also not a rodeo meal.

Excuse.

Are they just pulling out the entire Wyatt Earth menu?

I mean, come on.

The authenticity is

so Yellowstone cookbook.

Wait a second.

Are we in St.

Martin or are we in Tombstone?

Because last time I checked, this is full-on cowboy food.

What are we in?

St.

John Wayne?

What are we in?

St.

Martin Scorsese directing a genre picture about the cowboys?

It was a little bit of a stretch.

I get it.

But I was just trying to yes-sand.

Yes-sanding the film situation.

Situational.

So Jennifer Jennifer is like, oh, wow, very nice.

Might be the best Brancino I ever tasted.

As we talked about, Ben, you made a Brancino last night.

Do you think you were inspired by this show?

God, I hope not.

But maybe I was.

Maybe it like infected my brain.

All I know is that yesterday, it was such a beautiful day here in Los Angeles, and I

have been wanting to eat healthier.

So I'm trying to eat more fish.

And I just decided I wanted to make a whole fish.

So I went all the way over to the fish, the fish market, which meant I had to go to the Grove, which is, I mean, this is dedication.

But also, there's like three.

I was wondering where you got it, Bramzino.

I was like, I don't think you got that at Ralph's.

No, because Los Angeles, despite being our coastal city, has all of about like three fish markets at this entire metropolis.

There's like one in Glendale, there's like one in Santa Monica, and then there's a fish counter.

There's one downtown, right?

Oh, yeah.

You don't want to go downtown.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Am I right?

disgusting i mean democrats thing

sorry i got i got drunk with my party affiliation for kelly um

so i had to go to the fish counter at the farmer's market in the grove because there was like a monsieur marcelle and they have a fish counter so i went you know i'm not gonna lie to you ronnie i was originally gonna go for red snaps but uh

I decided to do a branzino instead it was small it was cute it was about a pound I said let's do it let's get this branzino going so I grilled her up and I de-boned it and it was delicious.

But guess what?

You never really can debone a Branzino because there are bones on bones on bones.

It's like this cast.

Lots of bone.

Why are there so many bones in a Branzino?

Listen, I started eating Branzino because of Belodeck because Captain Sandy was always talking about fucking Branzino, or at least we were always talking about Branzino as Captain Sandy.

I think we actually only said it once, but it's fine.

We ran with it.

Yeah.

But, you know, I've ordered it a few times when I'm out and they have it.

And every single time there's a million bones in this thing i don't care if they say they fillet it for me they do all the stuff and they're still full of bones i don't get that fish i don't get why it's so popular i need less bones i know i mean it was delicious and it was so fun to cook and it like cooked perfectly it was like you know i've never grilled a whole fish before and i was like your intestines are stabbed Next thing you know, internal bleeding.

I mean, here, maybe that's why I'm so tired today because I'm like slowly leaching blood into my stomach.

But like, you know, I thought like for sure it was gonna be drama.

I was like, this fish is, this is my first time grilling fish it's gonna stick to the grates we all know what's gonna happen it didn't stick it flipped over it looked beautiful and it tasted lovely too but and i followed i mean i when i tell you because you know me i watched so many deboning videos and i watched all the technique i did it i was so fastidious i did everything i pulled out the fish head the the spine came everything still fucking bones in that thing like big bones not just like little pines big bones you know why you know why you know why this is the problem Those branzinos are too small.

I never realized how small branzinos are.

They're too small.

You need a fish that has more meat to bone ratio.

That's why.

I don't know, but I've never understood that fish.

Okay, something else

not understood this time by the chef, what lava cake is.

So a dairy-free lava cake comes out, which they're natural lava.

They're naturally dairy-free, but I think you meant the ice cream.

And anyway, they cut into it and no lava came out.

Okay.

There was no lava.

That was a cookie cake.

That's actually a big pet peeve of mine.

Let's go.

You can't call it a lava cake when there's no lava in there.

It's like calling it a volcano when it's spouting out licorice.

No, it needs to spout out lava.

I do believe that in like a whimsical setting like Candyland of a licorice volcano does qualify as a volume.

They would lose their eyes.

They'd be like, well, we didn't get burned to death, but we did get poked a lot by flying sticky things.

Smell weird.

I detest a lava cake that does not do the lava thing because then what's even the point?

Then you're just having like a generic piece of chocolate cake that tastes nice, but there's like no point in it.

Like it's like the most generic cake you could get.

But if it's lava, like when the lava comes out, it's special and delicious and gooey.

And like, yeah,

that should have been clocked.

You know who's really perfect?

It was clocked by me.

You know who's really perfected the lava cake?

Domino's.

Domino's piece.

Really?

Yes.

This is probably fake.

Right.

I'm sure.

It tastes like chemicals.

It's like, yeah, it's like chemical lava cake, but probably a corn syrup on the inside.

Yeah.

Well, good for them.

Hey, listen, a lot of things use corn syrup.

I'm learning that because I'm on a pastry tour on YouTube right now, learning about Pop-Tarts.

And so that has led me to look at pie crust videos, which has led me to look at pie videos because I'm like, well, I could be a pie person.

I could be like that lady from Waitress, the film, you know, or just like make pies.

That could be my thing.

Or a waitress in general.

Waitress.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

And

maybe I'll be a pie person.

You know, I'm searching for my new identity because i'm going through my midlife crisis and um corn syrup is in everything i'm telling you they put it in in all these these girls have no shame on the youtube they're like man then you put corn syrup and that's how you make a lemon that's the only way to make a lemon meringue so fucking deal with it or cornstarch sort of funny cornstarch but they do use a lot of corn syrup too It is kind of funny because I'm sort of in a semi-pie stage.

I recently made some pie dough and like pie dough is like hard for me.

And I got a new cookbook called Fatten Flour.

And

there's like a technique called like the cold butter technique or whatever that I try it out.

And it's good.

The problem with pies, I find, is that I actually don't like a lot of pies

because a lot of them are like berries, you know?

So it's like, I love an apple pie.

I like like a lemon pie.

I'm not like a cream pie.

Pie, banana pie, chocolate pie, pecan pie.

Yeah, those are fun.

A lot of corn syrup in them.

Well, I love a pecan pie.

Yeah.

Love a a pecan pie.

I just feel like in terms of like the fruity pies, which is what it feels like, also a nickname that I have for myself.

But I think that like in terms of fruity pies, hey, fruity pie.

It's the summer, so he feels like you should have like some sort of like fresh fruity pie.

But like, I don't like a lot of fruity pies, and it's like really sad for me.

Got to figure it out.

Well, speaking of lava cake, Jennifer says something that I really felt to my soul.

She's like, the best part of my day is when I take my bra off.

Looks like, yeah, girl, I'm with you.

Let them hang out.

Me too.

Yeah.

Let them flap in the wind there.

Okay.

I'm with you.

So

Rainbow is like, it's late.

Now it's 1:30 in the morning, 1.13 in the morning.

Rainbow tells Selene that she's going to send her to bed.

She goes, it's not really, not, and Selene goes, oh, that is very nice.

She goes, not really.

It's just kind of my job to tell you that.

No, no, no.

But I'm not saying that you are nice.

I say it is nice to go to bed in general

oh yeah yeah okay go to bed

she calls her she walks off it's like okay now you're just looking for stuff because she's not even being mean to you this whole episode you're just you're the one like running around tattletailing and now calling her a bitch she didn't even do anything i mean there's other episodes she has but silene's just on a warpath now and i kind of like i mean not sulane rainbow Yeah, I like that personally.

I like it.

Like, who, like, these people are not, they're not doing their work.

They don't like you.

Stop trying to be friends with them.

You don't have to be friends with them.

Just drop all the pretenses and just be your natural self.

Well, that's what she's doing.

That's for darn darn

Dutch bitch that you are.

Commercials.

Here comes one right now.

You already know we love virgin voyages.

This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.

We're talking all inclusive everything.

Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included.

No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

The destinations are amazing, too.

Some highlights are Ruba, St.

Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, The Med.

Oh my God, the boats are beautiful.

They're so modern.

The rooms rooms are just so luxurious.

I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.

And I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.

That makes me so happy.

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.

Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Oh, summer is winding down, but you know what?

It's good to get back into a routine.

And I think it's time to refresh my style for the new season.

I'm looking for a lot of new stuff.

I'm always looking for new stuff to refresh my style.

And the best place to do it is where I do it always, Wayfair.

I know Wayfair is exactly where I go for a nice little refresh, whether it's my office, whether it's some dining room stuff.

I love what Wayfair does.

Wayfair is great.

I use it for the outdoors.

I use it for the indoors.

One of my favorite things about it is I can afford to get stuff from there and get it put together.

So I'm not always having to sit here and put it together.

People actually will come and put this stuff together and it all looks so, so good.

Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals with endless inspiration for every space and budget.

Wayfair's huge selection of outdoor items makes it easy to find exactly what's right for you.

Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine for way less.

Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.

That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

So then it's 6 a.m.

the next day, everybody's getting up, and at 8.15, Helen calls Carrie and she's like, good morning, Captain.

Carrie, this is Helen.

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for the way you handled Kelly.

You did it right, you know.

I'm ready to resume my vacation.

Please, I beg you one last time, please let me back on the boat.

Please, I'll do anything.

I'll do anything.

Do you get the feeling that Helen always says that anytime she answers the phone or calls someone?

Hi, this is Helen.

Even though we're now in an age where we always see who's calling, she's like, hi, this is Helen.

It's like, yes, we know Helen.

It says your name on the phone.

We have cell phones now.

So he shoots her a water taxi.

And then

he announces to the crew that she's coming back in 45.

Well, we're waiting for the primary to come back, everybody.

And Anthony's like, oh, well, then maybe for lunch, I will make it simple because tonight is eight course.

You know, this is very lot.

That is very lots for me.

He's like, just make sure they're going to be full.

Please.

Please.

Now, if Anthony makes him an a-course meal that's like T-bone steaks and like onion rings and like roast chicken and things like that, I'll be like, okay, there really is something to his dyslexia.

Oh, no, I did the wrong one on the wrong night.

Then it would make sense why it was, what the food was the night before.

I am serving you not shellfish.

That was the gay charter three charters ago.

It's like, oh, it is not dyslexia.

I cannot read catalog.

I cannot read calendar.

So I'm sorry.

It's calendar-based dyslexia.

So, um, so Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

No, wrong, wrong.

He's just blaming everything on dyslexia.

It doesn't even matter.

It's like, that has nothing to do with dyslexia.

Calendar-based dyslexia.

You just didn't turn the page on your calendar.

It is not.

I turned the page backward.

Very, very jumble.

You know, she always says, if I could turn back time, all she has to do is turn the calendar page a different direction it works every time guys look who's back it's helen so she hugs her husband and she's like that was so bad you know what i think of in my second life i'm gonna become a nurse and he's like no you're you're a therapist she goes well what i'm already a therapist i mean come on what what am i a therapist what do you think lingerie sales is it's therapy it's therapy

Helen, you can still be a nurse, by the way.

She's like, you know what?

If I ever die and come back to this earth in a mortal coil, I'll be a nurse then.

I'm like, you could do it.

You could do it now, Helen.

It's not too late.

Painter said, Paint your life.

Just change it up.

It's not like in another life, I'll come back and be like an elite athlete where your window has closed.

Like the nursing thing, do it, Helen.

You can come in to see patients and be like, hello, I'm Helen.

I'm your nurse.

I'm Helen.

You're going to be bleeding out your asshole.

I think what you need.

is a decent bra at bedtime.

Okay.

I've got

a couple of models coming in here to show you what you could be

doctor we got another branzino bleeder in here okay guess what you've heard of a you've heard of a you've heard of a hospital gown guess what i invented hospital lingerie put it on you'll feel great the doctor's like scalpel scalpel please well god damn it helen this is a thong listen It's precision.

That's what this requires.

What is this, heart surgery?

That's what this requires.

Trust me.

Trust me.

Before you open up up this body she's gonna want to have some panties on give it to her

no one wants to bleed to death in pajamas all right let's get this look

it'll just make her look more shapely if you put the wonder bra on her okay before you go into her appendectomy

So she comes up to Carrie and she's like, Captain, that was exhausting.

And let me tell you, are you directed by Spike Lee?

Because you do the right thing every single time.

Thank you.

And Carrie's like, is she doing all right?

I think she's going to therapy after this.

No joke.

No joke.

The woman is going to be therapized.

Uh-oh, I just got a video from Kelly.

She's drinking a martini and she's saying, this is my therapy.

Okay, I didn't get the joke, apparently.

I didn't realize she was joking.

So

now Kyle calls one of his friends and he's like, how are you going, lad?

And we just hear,

oh, yeah, well, I'm still kind of over it.

You know, I'm got it.

I'm got it by the whole thing.

I'm a bit hurt.

You know what I'm saying, don't you?

It's just killing me.

I couldn't get out of bed this morning.

I just need a few days to be like, oh, you're a sook.

And then get over it.

I've just been in a fell mood, but whatever.

You know, the wind's the wind's well and truly knocked out of my sails, which everyone wants to hear from someone working on a boat.

So Lynn's definitely playing the field, which which is fair, but maybe I'm a little jealous.

Maybe.

But I was definitely catching feelings for this girl.

And now I

look like a mug.

Literally, I've got a handle stuck onto my head.

I don't know how that happened.

Drunk accident.

Anyway, I look like a mug and a puppy.

And you know, I'm not the best version of myself right now, which is sad because if the other version you've seen of me is my best version, well, just think about that.

But anyway, it's definitely fucking spun for me big time.

And now this guy is also doing a defense the whole time, but it's a pre-defense because he already knows at this point probably that he fucks Barbara or whoever he doesn't he end up fucking Helen or somebody?

Not Barbara.

What do I keep saying?

Helen.

They're making it look like he goes and fucks Helen.

So I don't know yet.

I don't know, but it sounds like he's already making a defense.

Like, I'm just so broken up after what Celaine did to me.

Look what I've become.

Look what I've just become.

Yes, he just had to

go towards the one person who made him feel attractive, old guy.

i'm sorry i'm sorry that i finally

valved a dragon do somebody like themselves

the valley defenses yeah

so now it's the second day of the charter it's the morning the guests are gonna sit down for breakfast and helen's like hi i'm helen it's helen anyway i'm leaving i'm in the same swimwear as yesterday because that's how quickly i left the boat it was an emergency i'm wearing the same exact swimwear oh i guess it's not even the next day it is the next day, but it's not the next day after the next day.

Okay, I'm still saying the same thing from yesterday.

It's the next day.

The next day from yesterday.

Yeah.

And so she's wearing the same thing.

And so someone's like, well, you sure have a nice booty, Helen.

She goes, oh, yeah, that's right.

Bought and paid for.

Bought and paid for.

So the guest is like, wow, this food, he prepared this perfectly.

I mean, I never thought I would love a tomahawk steak in the morning, but you know, it tastes wonderful.

You think he's single, this captain?

You think he's single?

I want him.

I want him.

Bring him home to me.

I think it's pretty hot.

Carrie's like, I hear you, ladies, and I'm not single.

I've got a very feisty Turkish missus.

You don't want to get in, you don't want to get in a ring with that.

She looks cute, but she'll take you out.

Trust me.

That's why I've been working on my Turkish duolingo.

So,

in case you're wondering,

I'll have some pita, please, for breakfast.

That's what they do in Turkey here.

What was the thing that we'd always say last season when he was always practicing Turkish?

He'd be like, it would just, everybody's party, and then it would just

cut to him, and he'd be like, Mahaba, Mahaba, Mahaba.

Nazilanis, Nazilanis, Nazilanis.

Turkish delight.

Am I right?

right?

All right, that rhymed.

Listen, my wife didn't want me to go out again, but I told her, honey, I've got to go because I'm a man, a man who loves Maker.

Oh, yes, I love an accidental rhyme.

I love when I get to say that rhymed.

Or in Turkish,

they say, Bu

kafieli.

Bu kafieli.

That rhymed in Turkish.

Ironically, doesn't rhyme.

Teruvan!

Okay, so there were these two words for adventure.

I had to get them in there because it was time to flex.

Flex my muscles.

So

Barbara is talking to Selene, and she's getting annoyed because Selene, you know, she does suck at her job.

And so

Barbara's like, oh, we have to do these things, you know?

She goes, what is turn up?

She's like, turn up.

You know, it is to to make sure they change everything but while they are out and she goes ah wait so guests are for us she goes no for the guests why would it be for us everything is for the guests okay what you you want turn up in your own room your room is not turning up enough your room is turned up enough okay we need less turn up in your room personally i don't even eat turn up

So

then they find a beach for a little beach picnic.

The guests head out there and everything and Fraser welcomes them and it's like beach fun times and stuff.

And Helen's like, is this a nude beach?

Where's Fraser?

Fraser, I don't like tan lines.

Okay.

You know what?

As someone who has a lingerie company, you know what I love to do?

Not wear it.

Okay.

Ugh, who wants to wear?

Well, who wants to wear a lingerie?

Am I right?

They think

that lies Fraser.

I got to take off my top.

I'm like, please don't.

You know, and this is the problem with nude beaches.

Everybody thinks like, oh, you know, you go to the nude beach and everybody is like, everyone's going to be so hot.

That was my first thought.

Like, if I go to nude beach, I'm going to feel so insecure because I'm always so insecure about my body and everyone's going to be all hot and naked and stuff.

And then you get there and no one's hot and naked.

And I'm like, wait, these, these are all people I don't want to see naked.

Like, where are HBO's real sex?

Yeah, like, if I'm going to be naked at the beach and put myself through this trauma, I should at least be able to see hot people.

I'm not saying I am one.

I know I'm not, but at least I can have the view of it.

But no, it's, it's the Helens.

It's the Helens and the Franks of the world that are at the nude beach.

Yeah.

It's a shame.

It's unfortunate.

It's a shame.

That's why I'm taking a burkini and I'm going to a holiday in pool.

No, a best western pool.

I've already decided.

Oh, we're terribly sorry, but

the pool's closed for renovations.

Sorry.

So

Helen's like, ugh.

Ugh.

Oh my God.

The water.

I need Kyle.

Kyle, you're my floating raft.

Kyle, just hold me.

Hold me because you're my raft.

All right.

Here we are, Kyle.

So she's she's just like topless and in Kyle's arms, and he's loving it.

He's, I mean, she, he's basically, Helen's basically being held up by Kyle's boner at this point.

And, you know, her husband's just sitting there, Frank is like, I don't care because he's, he's been down.

It's not his first time at the rodeo callback because

this probably happens every time there's a vacation.

He doesn't care.

I feel like the staff is more scandalized than he is.

This is, he's like, oh, it's Helen being Helen.

What can I say?

This ain't my first time at the rodeo.

I got a Brancino in my pocket.

yeah but he's used to it i think they're probably swinging or something because he's like well whatever and they're playing this really dramatic music like

and kyle's kind of carrying this naked lady through the water and everybody seems like they're chill and having fun but the music's like

The music is so extra right now.

And Damo's like, she's got her top off and this chick's nuts.

I've got no idea what's going on in that guy's head.

Vibes are weird.

I'm like, I think he's just,

she's like she wants ky he's wearing himself out as per the duties of a staff member on a yacht yeah and kyle's like listen man we're about to hold a rate and helen's like this is better than a pool float it's better than a pool float you the little quiet stilly how can they call him stilly i've never really understood that

term for scottish uh

stilly i think oh his last name is stilley oh it is kyle stilley Oh, well, there you go.

I think.

Yeah, Kyle Stilley.

I just looked him up, and he's got a lot of veins in his first picture.

He's very veiny in his face.

Is he hot?

Is he in the steam room?

What's happening to Kyle in this picture?

I have to look now.

It's his Instagram.

Let me see.

Stilley.

Visit.

May I ask a question?

Why am I signed out of Instagram?

Okay, here it is.

Yeah,

he looks terrifying in this picture.

Let me see.

What does it say?

Somewhere in the world.

That's what I am.

That's all it says.

Somewhere in the world.

I have to say.

Nevergone.

Hashtag model.

Nevergone.

Hashtag model.

Still he is having the time of his life.

He's loving this because, you know, he's going through a lot right now with Selene.

So to be able to have a fresh body in his arms is very meaningful to him.

And, you know, he says no requests too large, so to speak.

you know, they're on the boat.

So, uh, Helen's like, oh, god, Saint David, I'm totally doing Saint David again.

This is great.

Oh, wow.

So, then, meanwhile, Celaine calls her brother

to complain about the situation.

Oh, no, I can't believe you said that word, bad mental care.

Oh, I'm very close to my brother.

Like, when we are together, we're like best friends, and like we do the bad stuff together, like make out with each other and stuff.

But, like, when I have to jump from the window to escape to go see my boyfriend, like, don't tell mom, like, we share the secrets together, and I've never been with a woman, so it's a little surprise for me.

But how could you try to build something with me in the meantime?

Like a new one.

The producer's like, you remember making out with

Scotty or Stilly the other day?

She's like, oh, no, it's not the same.

Babo is my best friend.

Babo's my wombmate, so I need to protect myself.

The first rule is don't get hurt.

Well, that's your problem.

No,

do not harm others

either.

Yeah.

You know?

But what kind of doctor are you going to be?

First,

don't get hurt.

No, do not cause no harm.

Do no harm.

Yeah.

Do no harm.

First, do no harm.

If I was the head of the doctor community, I would say we need to change our saying because we're constantly doing harm, whether we mean to or not.

Like not everybody can be saved.

And I think it's just.

It's just self-defeating to say, do no harm.

Okay.

We're going to get sued.

So let's just change it to lava cake should be lava in the middle.

Okay, okay everybody now go forward pass it on that's right i would say no harm no charm right so helen is like they they sit down for lunch and helen is like okay oh my god this food i'm just gonna worship you right now this is amazing jen jen just have a drink okay don't let a zempic dictate your life okay have fun somewhere a myra from next-gen york city is like That is like the most biggest breach of etiquette I've ever heard talking about someone else's ozempic.

That That bitch food shamed me.

That bitch food.

She fat shamed me.

Wow.

So Jennifer is now they're ready to go back in the water and Helen's like, I'm not getting back in the water, Stilly.

I'm doing it.

I need Stilly and my raft.

So Fraser is like, Stilly, there's a request to have you in the water, the primary, do it.

And he's like, oh, I can get fine.

I can get back in that water.

Okay, well, I'd like it to be known that Fraser

knew what was going on.

He knew that he was carrying this naked lady around.

He never said, have some boundaries.

Don't forget your boundaries.

He just said, go back into the water with that lecherous woman.

So that's right.

So when he gets in trouble next week, just remember who's throwing him, tossing him in that bus, bus water.

You threw me into the bus water.

Big bus water.

Big, big bus water.

So Anthony's back on the boat.

Carrie's checking in about dinner.

And Carrie's basically like, can you make sure it's not a three-hour meal?

Cause we're all wasted.

I don't want to have to sit there for three hours.

And then, uh, Richards pass out on the beach, and which is one of the guests.

And Helen and Kyle are getting handsy again.

And Rainbow's like, I'm just like, What?

Am I living in a Twilight Zone?

Like, her husband's 20 meters away.

Just you see, Frank, he's like, you know,

just wants a beer.

He doesn't.

The more you do, the less I have to do.

Got it, kid.

So then Fraser calls Carrie to pick them up.

and

Barbara's like telling Selene, you should do

the welcome drinks and everything.

And so then they're approaching and Barbara's like, Selene, Celaine, Barbara, Selene, Barbara, like, come on, come to the bar now.

Come to the bar now.

And Barbara's like, no, yes.

Oh, you can, what?

Okay, but I have to put away vacuum in good place.

Like, you cannot yell at me.

Okay.

I mean, you cannot call me situation because I'm putting vacuum in closet.

So Barbara's getting pissed and she takes both trays out by herself.

And it's like, where were you?

It's like, I'm here i'm here why you scream at me please come down with me you do not have to talk like this with me speak proper speak proper with me no they are here they are here celine celine come come on they are here you come on you have to be here quickly okay then stay here okay if you don't want to be here then stay here okay so lene yeah she's like okay well where are the drinks and you don't have to scream at me like that pablo i do have to scream at you

i'm coming i'm not chilling but you're not here i need i need somebody i cannot i'm not talking about

the drinks like i have one tray at a time otherwise things fall and they fall you clean up it actually makes more of a mess but the

I mean, if you don't do it, do you have to be early?

I'll do it later, but you don't have to.

I need you now.

I need you now.

Okay, I need you now.

I need you now.

Why are you not here?

You should be here.

Hula, they are here.

I told you they were here.

So they start passing out drinks, and Barbara is going to kill her.

So Jennifer is like, Captain, I want to know where to send my application.

And this is the life for me.

And he's like, oh, you like working 18, 20 hours a day, just talking to your kid when he's learning to drive do you know how hard it is trying to teach a 15 year old how to drive on FaceTime

not easy

it's not easy at all but what I will say is

it's worth it

that was a long phrase you typed in you're like

what do you talk about typing that was the sound of my brain churning as I remember remember the Turkish I've been learning.

It's a spinning beach ball.

As you were

spinning beach ball, or as they say in Turkey, don't blash turpoo.

So, Damo is like, so hey, what's going on, Rainbow?

Did you get kicked off the boat?

Now you're back.

What's going on?

She's like, well, I was borderline whether I could come or not.

I mean, we've got tensions on the boat in the interior.

I just work so hard.

You know, I just work so hard.

I work so hard.

It stresses me out.

And I think there's something going on with Jess, like a little love triangle.

Oh, God.

I don't know.

Everybody hates each other.

Isn't it great?

Rainbow, the

observation powerhouse that is Rainbow.

I think there's a love triangle going on.

Really?

I didn't notice that at all.

Figuring it out.

Really, nobody talks to Rainbow.

It's so sad.

She really is not aware.

So then Jess goes to talk to Barbara.

She's like, Are you okay?

So I was like, mm-hmm.

Are you sure?

I heard you on the radio.

Hello?

Do you hear me?

Is it me you're looking for?

Answer me, please.

Answer me.

And Barbara's like,

she ignores her and like scrolls very slowly on her phone.

I like when people do the slow scroll on the phone, like, I'm not even scrolling quickly.

I'm just

very, very slowly ignoring you.

Enjoy.

I have so much time in the world that I can scroll slowly.

and I'm still, with all that time, not taking any of it to talk to you.

That's what I'm doing right now.

So, Just does her whole, oh, this is all my fault.

I've done horrible things.

This is me suffering the consequences of my actions.

So, I guess I will have to suffer.

So, then Just is like,

So, did you hear Barbara on the radio with Soso?

And Hugo is like, Oh, she's getting fucking bitched at hard, dude.

I was like, Who's Hugo?

He's the new guy.

He's like, she's getting fucking bitched at hard, dude.

It's like bad.

It's bad.

It's bad.

He's bad.

He's from New York.

So Jess is like, I think she's awesome.

Like, I really do dig her.

But people are complaining about the work ethic.

Like, it's not the first time I've heard it.

He's like, yeah, well, you might as well get it in soon because I don't know.

I don't know what you guys call it, but you might as well get it in soon.

What do you?

So, what do you lesbians do?

What's the version of lesbians getting in soon?

Might as well get them touching soon.

Might as well get the legs wrapped around the leg.

Might as well scissors soon.

Am I getting getting close?

Tell me.

She's like, oh, well, I did sleep alone last night.

Barbara wants nothing to do with me.

She made me, she made that very clear.

And he's like, ah, because you smell like so-so.

That's why.

You understand that, right?

She's like, oh, it's my own consequences.

Instagram wall Hugo says, well, this love triangle between Jess, Selene, and Barbara is just, it's just too messy.

She doesn't know what she wants, but the problem is people are going to be jealous and people are going to pretend to be angry at each other.

and you have to be an adult you can't pretend that we're in this bubble you can just freely keep eating getting with people it's just not it's just not going to affect anything i mean we live we eat we sleep we shit in the same place it reminds me when i was a kid i once ate a candy bar there there was my personal information moving on

i did it because my dad tortured me there there's a parental story we can move on

So some of the guys, Barbara and Helen or a couple of those are just like conked out on the couch in the most unattractive, like in the way that you just don't want to be caught by cameras.

She's like just sitting there with her bikini, like she's all hanging out everywhere.

And she's just like,

they're like breathing with her mouth open.

Yeah, it's like mortifying.

And then like one of their friends, I don't like their friend who came up and like was trying to wake them up.

I'm like, let them be passed out.

Like, hello.

Are you guys passed out?

Hello?

Hello?

I'm like, get out of there.

Let them.

Yeah, you want a drink?

You want a maritime or something?

What do you want to do?

so then let's see they wake up helen wakes up and uh she's like uh i want to pack my suitcase kyle could you come with me and he's like oh you can take me with you she goes yeah you're you're coming in it and she's like i'm taking you home that was just so good kyle what you did for me that was so good you do a good job kyle you do a good job demo meanwhile is talking to hugo and he's like oh he's like still he had a hard shift And Hugo's like, why?

It's like,

there was some wordplay in there, but that you didn't pick up on.

But anyway, Primary took a liking to him, used him as a flotation device in the water while she was topless.

And he had an erection, an enormous bona erection.

He's still not following Hugo.

So then Fraser is working with Anthony to figure out what the meal is for the evening.

And Anthony is like

saying how the meal is going to last.

It's going to take three hours.

And we've got, but now he's got to do this three-hour meal in just one hour because Carrie told him to.

Do you think that Damo is kind of acting weird with Kyle?

Do you think like Kyle being hurt that Damo is making out with his girl made Damo go on the defensive?

Because what does Damo care that he was carrying that lady in the water?

It seems weird that Damo is making this big of a deal out of it over and over and now going to their boss and making a big deal out of it and kind of tattletailing on him in a very casual way.

I didn't really expect that behavior from him, you know?

Damo's doing the thing

doing the best thing, but it seems like weird best friend behavior.

Damo's doing that thing where he did the shitty thing and kind of can't, despite saying that he's in a selfish space in his life and this is just what he's going to do, he kind of can't like actually sit with it and be okay with it.

So he's going to have to start creating a narrative that Kyle is like the crazy, unprofessional, unreasonable one.

Because like when he went to Kyle to kind of like apologize, even though Kyle was like, it's all good, he could tell Kyle was mad.

And so Damo, I don't think is comfortable with having people mad at him.

So he has to sort of start turning it on the other person.

So that way, Damo doesn't feel bad because of the other person.

Yeah, that makes sense because he's being fishy.

That is not like, I'm not saying Kyle's being professional.

I mean, of course, if it was, if it was anybody else being like, well, that is unprofessional.

I don't, you know, blah, blah, blah.

I would get it.

But like, you're supposed to be best friends.

And also, you're the one making out with everybody, like, trying to be the most sexually free.

Like, you're the male Selene on this boat.

So it's like for you to be throwing stones feels a little weird, especially to the boss.

I I don't know.

Shady, shady behavior highlights.

Yeah.

So now Damo

is talking to Jess about how he has to wash his sheets.

And

Jess is like, I haven't washed my sheets.

I've only done it one time.

But I've also been sleeping in other people's beds.

He's only washed his sheets one time too, this whole charter.

That is nasty.

Don't they have some kind of like standard where you have to wash your sheets?

That's nasty.

If only they had some people on board who had some sort of expertise with washing sheets.

If only we had some maids on this board.

Come on.

So then, um, uh, so then, uh, Jess is telling us more.

She was, this whole situation, sorry, I had to say the word.

It's making me really nervous.

It reminds me of high school, and it didn't end so well.

I was in a group of three girls, and there was one girl that I was having a thing with, but it's because the other girl who I, but other girl who I actually liked.

So, what I'm trying to say to you all america i've been playing games for many many years yeah i was gonna say like wow thanks for the story to illustrate how you never learn fucking anything you're doing exactly the same thing you did in high school you're like it reminds me of high school when i was bullied but you're like the bully you know it's like oh god i've just i've just run someone over in a crosswalk it reminds me of high school when i pushed that child out of his chair

It reminded me of high school when I first became a garbage person.

And, you know, I didn't didn't like you know she didn't like me back and i tried to make her jealous and i decided not to go for the person that i actually liked and then the other girl me over and i don't know what's up with me and fucking up relationships with girls i'm really good at it apparently i'm like i i know what what's up with you

You're terrible.

Yeah, you're an asshole.

That's what's wrong with you.

Yeah, and you're the one fucking everybody over in these relationships.

They're not fucking you over.

And you're stopping for crying.

You were in an insincere, you led someone on insincerely because you were using the mini-game to

arouse the attention of someone else in a triangle, you idiot.

Yeah.

So

Damo is talking about how rainbows, is he saying rainbow's been coming onto him pretty strong?

And she's like, oh my God, Damo, no.

You've been flirting with this girl all season.

So don't make it seem now like, oh my God, I don't know where rainbow's coming from.

I guess rainbow's into me.

Come on, sir.

Both of you.

It's like both the fuckboys talking each other through something it's like two dumb two dumb fuckboys standing around telling each other exactly exactly

well tonight is an eight-hour meal with a tasting menu and it's where you can judge if a chef is good or not because you want to come up with a story for the table and that's the most important period uh so the first course to the last course you have to make up a story you know it's not just shit you throw over but i feel like it's too much in my head every day but now i'm a new man and i'm telling myself i'm a winner.

I'm a winner.

I'm a winner.

I'm a renew.

Oh, did that one wrong.

And I got this.

I got this.

This got.

Yeah, I like that he's trying to get all like, I'm a bitchy chef now.

Like he's trying to change his character in the middle of the season.

And I'm just not buying it.

Like, Fraser comes in.

He's like, how's dinner coming?

He's like, please, Fraser, I don't want anyone in here.

This is not summer camp.

This is summer camp where people come in kitchen.

I was like, what kind of summer camp are you in?

Where it's just everybody who's in the kitchen.

Kitchen summer camp.

We all know kitchen summer camp.

You do not have that in America.

So

Damo is saying how Frank is the best guest they've had all season.

He's like, he's like, yeah, there's a few mob vibes, but...

You know, they look like they spent a couple of days down by the pizzeria swapping stores about the old days, about how Frankie Two Fingers got his name, etc.

I'm like,

I just love now when Damo dips into American culture.

First he had the cowboy thing, and now he's like, Frankie, two fingers.

I'm waiting to see what's next.

He can do like a Woody Allen impersonation next.

So Hugo's like, oh, wait, Captain's going to be at the table?

She's like, yes, so if we can pick up any advanced problems we're going to have, that would be great.

Like, if you have no idea the attention to detail we do to service with him, it is insane what we do for the captain.

You do not.

What are you talking about?

You sit his ass down and serve him the same old hot dogs everyone else gets.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your evening of lingerie and lights.

Here to join you wearing his most formal teddy.

It's Captain Carrie, please, Captain Carrie, come join.

And Anthony is like, well, the plan is ours, but it is most important.

Captain is coming and it is scary for me, but he's so important to me.

I want to make sure this is right, you know, so I'm all so nervous.

So Carrie comes in, and meanwhile jess is having dinner solene is having dinner in the crew mess and jess is like uh what happened with you and barbara today because i heard her a couple of times call you she's like oh no she asked me so i come down now and i said don't speak to me like that you know no worries it's not about you jess and she's like but i care about if you keep your job or not

Because guess what?

Production just told me we're starting a new storyline that you're about to get fired.

And she's like, well, you know what?

Stop to care about anything.

Stop to say you care.

stop to say you care she's like why what's wrong with caring about that i'm telling you now you need to be really careful i don't want you to get off this boat but i do want to get you off on this boat if you know what i'm saying

it's like uh you know maybe i prefer when we don't talk And so she's like, oh, she just gives me off vibes.

You know, now she's very distant.

I don't like, I don't find people who aren't driven attractive.

Oh, really?

Okay, so now you're going to come up with a way that this is your choice?

Come on.

Yes.

Yes.

She's going to, that's exactly what this is.

Now she's going to make it seem like Solane isn't serious.

She goes, I don't know.

Something's changing for me.

Too much trauma that you caused.

I feel like I'm losing my head on this boat.

Barbara is super real.

Exactly what you see is what you get.

Like she speaks her feelings.

And I just, I do have regrets.

I feel like I'm going in circles, like Barbara's banglets.

It's just hard.

You know, it's hard.

Yeah.

It's not hard, but she's fucking up at every turn on this, on this one.

She really is.

That's the end of the episode, though.

That's the big cliffhanger, which is what will happen next week.

Will Jess and Selene still have terse conversations, I guess?

Next week on people you don't care are fucking each other.

It's a good rebrand.

Thanks, everyone, for being here.

It's a delight.

Fun times, everybody.

Good talking to you.

We will talk to you next time.

Love you guys.

Bye.

Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

Ain't no thing like Allison King.

It's always a party on Allison Block.

Our way is the Amber Way.

It's the Foster and the Furious.

It's Amanda Foster.

She can run my country.

It's Angie McGovern.

It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

She's not just a Sheila.

She's a Daniela.

Itchells.

We never miss her call.

It's Diane Call.

Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis.

Hava Nagila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.

Jamie, she has no less namie.

She's our kind of mess.

It's Jennifer Messer.

Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Piston Anderson.

Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B.

K-Syra Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sillsby.

Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino.

Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burg.

This is living with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

Yes, we canna, it's Sedana.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

And our super premium sponsors.

She's V V I P.

It's Amanda V.

Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

It's our queen, it's queen Laifa.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.

Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door.

My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly.

It's Kyle Pod Shadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Al Kalani.

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters, she eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud, she's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson, Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop, it's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tam Laplain.

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Kouchar.

We love you guys.

If you like watch what crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.

It's your man, Nick Cannon, and I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at Night.

I've heard y'all been needing some advice in the love department.

So who better to help than yours truly?

Nah, I'm serious.

Every week, I'm bringing out some of my celebrity friends and the best experts in the business to answer your most intimate relationship questions.

Having problems with your man?

We got you.

Catching feelings for your sneaky link?

Let's make sure it's the real deal first.

Ready to bring toys into the bedroom?

Let's talk about it.

Consider this a non-judgment zone to ask your questions when it comes to sex and modern dating in relationships, friendships, situationships, and everything in between.

It's going to be sexy, freaky, messy, and you know what?

You'll just have to watch the show.

So don't be shy.

Join the conversation and head over to YouTube to watch Nick Cannon at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

Want to watch episodes early and ad-free?

Join Wondery Plus right now.