#2950 McBee Dynasty S02E05: Ozarks Brother Where Art Thou?

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Speaker 1 Watch what

Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to Watch Watch Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only

Speaker 1 King of the Ozarks, Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie.
Oh my God, the Ozarks. I'm so glad the McBee dynasty took us to the Ozarks.
I mean, we don't get to see that often. Have you ever been? Nope, never been.

Speaker 1 I watched the show Ozarks,

Speaker 1 but they didn't, you know, I feel like I always heard we didn't get like the real side of the Ozarks. You know, they had like that.
kind of white trash family from the Ozarks.

Speaker 1 It was the main characters, blonde girl.

Speaker 1 But that, they showed it in kind of a bad light, I guess.

Speaker 1 But then they also show a different side of the, I don't know, it was cool to see a reality version where everyone's just making out in pools and, you know, there's like dirt or dirt motorbikes or whatever the hell those things are in the, in the circle cage racing each other.

Speaker 1 Or men go to be men.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know much about the Ozarks. All I knew about the Ozarks is just that there's casinos and it's where a lot of performers go, like the Osmonds or Wayne Newton and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 So I really didn't know what the vibe of the Ozarks. I had a vibe of it being actually more wholesome.
That's that's what I guess because it's like the whole Wayne Newton of it all.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a place that was like

Speaker 1 you go and I don't know. It's like a weird super Christian happy nice.

Speaker 1 I mean, it is still seems super Christian, but like in a different, it didn't seem like as I didn't think of it as a bike as as bikery and as cowboy as the show depicted it. And so I was surprised.

Speaker 1 I thought it was more like Donnie Osmond. I saw his poster all over Vegas.
Has he always looked like Rosie O'Donnell 20 years ago? Hmm.

Speaker 1 I think he's aged into that. I think he's aged into that look a little bit.
He's really grown.

Speaker 1 He's really, he's really worked towards that Rosie O'Donnell ideal, you know? Yes, that is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He really has. Well, if you guys want to watch this recap on video, you do that at Krappens On Demand.
If you don't want to do the Patreon thing, that's fine.

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Speaker 1 This week, we talked about our trip to Vegas where I went to Beyoncé and we both went to Backstreet Boys and Ben got fucked over by Delta Airlines. Yeah, boo.
Fucking Delta.

Speaker 1 And kind of the Cosmopolitan, too, a little bit. And the Mandalay Bay.
All of that. And the Mandalay Bay.

Speaker 1 And the Henry. Let's just call out the Henry in the Cosmopolitan.
Thanks for making me wait 25 minutes.

Speaker 1 We had five tables sitting right in front of me blatantly and I had to stand there because I don't know why. I guess no pilots, no waiters on Saturday in America.

Speaker 1 But you know who doesn't get our boo? Beyonce. Beyonce.
The Max Trevor Boy. So thank you.
Those were great.

Speaker 1 So here we are, McBee Dynasty Season 2, Episode 5, Hurricane Cala. Why is it called Hurricane Cala and not Hurricane Cole? That's I don't understand that.

Speaker 1 What, that's a little, that's some bullshit now. Now, I'm not saying Calla is like some perfect little thing who never does anything wrong, but Cole is a fucking monster and a terrorist.

Speaker 1 He's an emotional terrorist. And why are you not calling out Cole in this episode? You know what hurricanes do? They give a thrashing.

Speaker 1 They're over the sea and they come and they make landfall and they give thrashing to the land. You know what Cole did? He punched a hill.
He's the hurricane here. He's a punch a hill.
He's a hill.

Speaker 1 He punched a hill.

Speaker 1 He's a hill puncher. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, last time on McBee Dynasty, a new little cowgirl was headed to the farm and everyone was over the moon about it except for the viewing audience who had to watch a gender reveal with a helicopter and baby powder that was painted pink and blue.

Speaker 1 But that man, what man is ready to be a daddy? Boys will be boys, am I right?

Speaker 1 So also Cala and Steven

Speaker 1 were also looking for

Speaker 1 apartments for her. And Cala is giving up a lot for Steven.

Speaker 1 She gave up all the nothing she was doing. So she's hoping to help out with her new apartment down there in Dallas.
She wants some help with all the nothing she does.

Speaker 1 You see, I'm going to say it one more time just to emphasize. She does nothing.
She's a little slow. None of us like her.

Speaker 1 Well, the family is coming over to the Ozarks to relive some old memories. Will Cala cause destruction? Or will Cole be an asshole? We'll all find a way to blame all the misbehavior on a woman.

Speaker 1 Let's find the hell on the McBee dynasty.

Speaker 1 Wheat nimples, wheat nimples, nipple gardens,

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 dribbledores, dribbledores,

Speaker 1 nipples, dribbledore is also the name of the one professor who lives in town, Dribbledore.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 So Calla is like, well, maybe I'll go to the Oath Arks with you, but if anyone's shitty to me, I'm leaving. I'm telling you right now, Stephen.

Speaker 1 So we open with cowboy, cowgirl, come on, we're gonna ride moving on through the city. Yeah, we're bringing the vibes.

Speaker 1 So Stephen's packing his bags, and everyone's getting ready to go to the Ozarks. And we go to Cole and Casey's house, and Cole is also packing.

Speaker 1 And Casey's going through old luggage and stuff, and Cole's droppings in piles, and he's like mumbling about t-shirts. And he's like, okay, we got four t-shirts.
Can him, can him out?

Speaker 1 Okay, one, two, three, four. Okay, I need to lay it up.
Visualize, make sure I have everything. Do I have enough

Speaker 1 Bass Country Store t-shirts to go for the entire weekend? I need to make sure we have enough. What's the name of that store? Bass Country Store.
Do I have any Cracker Barrel t-shirts?

Speaker 1 Do I have enough branded Cracker Barrel t-shirts for the entire weekend? Tell me, come on.

Speaker 1 Do I have any more law and order?

Speaker 1 Do I have any more shirts from the Law and Order store? And Casey's like, well, you already got some socks in here. What's this? A flask? Is this a flask?

Speaker 1 And he's like, yeah, I got that left in there from a last day guy where I didn't do nothing wrong. Why didn't you do nothing wrong? Why is everybody blaming me for stuff? I'm a good person.

Speaker 1 So we go over to Jesse and Allie's City House, and they're getting in the car with Tegan and Jake to go to the Ocean.

Speaker 1 They have to climb over all of her Manola Blonics because it's such a city house. There's so many fashions in there.

Speaker 1 The jazz players and the Le Foyer. God, that city house.
So sophisticated.

Speaker 1 There's like a cow outside reading a newspaper. Because it's the city.

Speaker 1 It's a cow watching Annie Hall. Look at that city cow.

Speaker 1 The cow's like, don't approve of Woody's actions, but his art speaks for itself. Am I right? Am I the only one?

Speaker 1 Is anyone going to the Angelica? Angelica Hay Center? No? No.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Tegan and Tegan is new to us, I think, right? We've never seen her. That's Jake's.
You know, Jake's the farmhand. Doesn't say much, just stands in the back and kind of mumbles.

Speaker 1 And Tegan's the girlfriend. And she's like, you sitting shotgun, Jake?

Speaker 1 And Jake isn't. Jake's going to stay back there.
And Jesse's like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't want to deal with him. Would you say? He will be sitting on a shotgun, though.
Yeah, of course I'm sitting on a shotgun. What the fuck? Unless I got a horse to sit on.

Speaker 1 What else am I going to sit on back here? I need some power going against my cornhole for this whole trip of course i sit by the fucking barrel of a shotgun what else you do with it

Speaker 1 so jake's like you want to go by the bar jesse's like what bar any bar we're gonna pass that a lot of them want to go past a lot of bars

Speaker 1 going to those ours we can go to any kind of bar

Speaker 1 big bar little bar medium size bar what about a gay bar absolutely not We'll burn that one down.

Speaker 1 Remember, we just keep setting up gay bars every once in a while just so we can put them up and and then go in there and have people beat up. It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 They catch on eventually once in a while. Goddamn Marys.
All right, but there are lots of bars.

Speaker 1 We're on the way to the Ozarks. I was thinking we can go to referendum and

Speaker 1 referendum and amendment.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Well, make sure you get a nice seat before you go in there at

Speaker 1 Liberty and State.

Speaker 1 And that way you look real clean when you go there. Tinkland's like, all right, boys, put on your seat belts.

Speaker 1 Democrat. Democrat.
The lady from below deck just passing them on the street. Democrats.

Speaker 1 It was a real big red state moment for Bravo last night. That's for sure.
By the way, speaking of seatbelts, I just want to make a general comment. Fucking Cole McB, wear your seatbelt properly.

Speaker 1 Did you see how he's wearing a seatbelt? He's driving the car and he has a seatbelt like under his arm.

Speaker 1 Like he's he's one of those people that's like, I ain't gonna wear a seatbelt the way they tell me to because I knows better than this. Cole.
So, what he puts it behind him?

Speaker 1 He puts it, he puts the strap that's above, like under his arm. So, it's like he just has nothing here.

Speaker 1 He's like, I need my left shoulder to be, I mean, my right shoulder, my left shoulder to be free.

Speaker 1 I need to be free. I don't need no Democrat to tell me how to put my seatbelt on.
Cut to

Speaker 1 rest in peace to Cole McBee, who was ejected from his pickup truck after he crashed

Speaker 1 into a gay bar.

Speaker 1 Into a gay bar that his brothers then started calling a coal bar and started laughing.

Speaker 1 So Jesse explains the Ozarks to us. He's like, for us Midwest folk, the Ozarks is like our vacation because that's what you do during the summer.

Speaker 1 And we used to go down there and we'd go there in the summer because that's what you do in the summer. Go on vacation with your family.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, the Ozark's like where most of my memories is as a kid with my family in the summer because that's what you do with your family in the summer.

Speaker 1 Doesn't Jesse say, yeah, it's just one of these great inclusive places. It says something like that.
You know, we take light white people, mid-white people, all sorts of white people.

Speaker 1 With brown hair, people with dyed hair, all sorts of different tattoos.

Speaker 1 All sorts.

Speaker 1 So we see them enjoying their childhood times in the Ozarks. I'm assuming he means all-inclusive, like all the PBRs you can drink or something.

Speaker 1 I think maybe that's what he meant, but he was like, it's just, it's an inclusive place. I mean, nothing saying that the Ozarks aren't inclusive.
It's just, it's

Speaker 1 except for the video footage of all white people.

Speaker 1 The whitest of the white.

Speaker 1 It's literally like you can see it from space. It's like, look at that blazing bright cloud.
No, that's the Ozarks down there.

Speaker 1 So let's go to another residence that Stephen's mother is probably paying for Stephen Jr.'s Kansas City condo. So Calla comes and they're getting luggage into the car and he brings out his guitar.

Speaker 1 She's like, wow, bringing out the old guitar, huh? He's like, yeah, I play guitar. That is what I play.
All right, Calla? So you are the most pessimistic person I have ever met about my guitar.

Speaker 1 So they get the guitar in there and she's like, okay. And he goes, oh my God, is there any room in this trunk?

Speaker 1 What am I supposed to to do about this trunk cala and she's like yeah i forgot to clean out the car

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 do you mind co-signing with me on the on a on a box i can put everything in

Speaker 1 you co-sign on uh someone to clean my car we own car washes cala

Speaker 1 gee well

Speaker 1 now that the first day of harvest is finished This is my one chance to get away and have a little fun.

Speaker 1 Are you going to have fun? Are you going to capable of that?

Speaker 1 He's so intense and he's such a handsome guy, but whenever he gets a little angry, his dad's eyes come. He gets those evil eyes.
It's crazy how his eyes can change shape like that. It's really weird.

Speaker 1 It's like he's handsome and then he's like, oh.

Speaker 1 So they go.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah.
Oh, God, I wish jigsaw was that hot. I could actually sit through one of those movies.
Those are the most disgusting movies.

Speaker 1 If I have to watch one more person cut off their own limb, I swear.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, I've had enough of you saw.

Speaker 1 Saw more like seen enough.

Speaker 1 Saw enough. Okay.
Saw enough.

Speaker 1 So she's like, Ozarks, here we come. Are there any alligators in the Ozarks? And he's like, I think there's been one or two.
She goes, don't say that. I'm not going to get in the water now.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you swim in Texas lakes. I don't think we have alligators in Texas lakes.
Well, she says,

Speaker 1 I trust Texas. I don't trust Missouri.
So, you know, the alligators in Texas, they're just a bit more respectful. Oh, they'll say, oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am.
I will go find a chicken instead.

Speaker 1 But those Missouri alligators, you can't trust them. They may say they're looking for a chicken, but they're coming for your foot.
She's on to something.

Speaker 1 Well, guess what? Texas, in Texas, alligators can be found in 120 of the state's 254 counties. There you go.
Never knew of it. And I live in a lake town.
Okay.

Speaker 1 We do not have alligators in Lake Travis. I'll tell you that much.
okay

Speaker 1 um i was a bad alligator in texas could you believe it it shot me

Speaker 1 that's why you stood on the shotgun that's why right there

Speaker 1 thanks like i tried to warn you so tegan's car um

Speaker 1 i got a bar

Speaker 1 Farmhand, McBee farming cattle, and Tegan, Jake's girlfriend. So Tegan's like, Jesse, I never seen you drunk.

Speaker 1 And he's like, what never i never seen alla drunk neither and he's like i have neither i tried to get her drunk she won't do it well i can't believe she ain't doing a triathlon tomorrow i mean she's doing a triathlon it's crazy what about steven is is is he gonna do a triathlon not steven i'll tell you that much unless it's a guitarathlon has anybody ever seen him play that thing or you just put it in trunks it is

Speaker 1 So then we go to Calla's car and she's doing her makeup and she's like, is it weird that I'm coming on a trip with you? He's like, No, I don't think it is weird.

Speaker 1 Okay, I think it is weird that you're dabbing your face with that cringe powder that you painted ladies use.

Speaker 1 So, he's like, I don't know what my I don't know that my family is too happy that Kala is coming over. All I know is it feels good having Cala around because I can have sex with her.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 he's like, Do you feel any type of way about it, Kala? She's like, No, good.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So, we go back and like, well, I don't know why Cala is coming on this trip because

Speaker 1 they're acquaintances. Are they friends? Are they lovers?

Speaker 1 Is it married? Did they just meet each other? Did they go to high school together?

Speaker 1 What's happening? And she's like, yeah, I just don't know what's going on. It feels like whiplash.
I'll tell you that. Like they're together, then they're not together.

Speaker 1 It's always something different. Not like me and Jake.
Me and Jake, what are we, Jake? Together. Yesterday we were together.
The day before that we were together. Tomorrow we're going to be together.

Speaker 1 We're always together. Ain't no confusion like that.
Guitar, guitar trunk person.

Speaker 1 So she's shaking her knife hand. She's like, Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's like, I got whiplash. Ow, ow.
So then we go to Callan Steven, and she's like, Well, I guess your family's used to us seeing us on and off, right? And he's like, Yeah, they don't mind.

Speaker 1 They're used to it. I don't think I've heard you utter a single positive thing about anyone in my family.

Speaker 1 You are the most pessimistic person about my family I've ever met.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 she tells us, am I a dumb bitch for going on this trip? Probably.

Speaker 1 Am I still going to go? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just want Calla to know, don't ever make, don't you ever think that you're not a dumb bitch for going on this trip. You are just a dumb bitch in general.
Okay.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Actually, is it me? I really like Calla. Do you? I think she's wrong with the time, but I still like her.
I think she's

Speaker 1 something about her. I think she sucks.
I I think she's in the right, but she sucks. It's like she's the messenger.
Like, like, she's,

Speaker 1 I'm on her side about all the stuff. Like, I think people treated her like shit, but God, she's annoying.
Like, she would be the sort of person who I'd be like, please get this person away from me.

Speaker 1 And I'd say that to everyone on this cast, actually, to be fair. Yeah, I was going to say, I guess because we're talking about this cast, it's hard to pick, you know?

Speaker 1 But I kind of like her just because she annoys everybody and she's just blatantly there to use their buddy. And they just let her.
I think it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 And then this episode where she's like, i know so much about this family i could take them down i'm like well first of all you're kind of late because that's already happened but second of all i kind of love that for you that you're like yes that mom's gonna pay my rent fuck yeah she is because i know everything there is to know listen i love a pretty blackmailer what can i say

Speaker 1 So Colin Casey's truck is driving a pretty blackmailer. I mean, yeah, I mean, a pretty blackmailer is the best kind, right? I mean,

Speaker 1 who wants to be blackmailed by an ugly person? Am I right?

Speaker 1 Can we get some pretty blackmailers in here? I mean, geez.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 So Cole is like, I just hope Kayla doesn't get into it with anyone this whole weekend. Okay.
And Casey's like, yeah, you're just as mouthy as her.

Speaker 1 You don't say anything that you know you make her mad. Just don't say anything.
So then he nearly gets into a car accident because it's Cole and he's awful at everything he does.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I'm a race car, everybody. I'm a race car.

Speaker 1 So then we go back to the other car, Jake's car, and Jesse's like, well, I'm not saying he likes being told what to do, but he does kind of like when a woman tells him what to do, you know, like wears pants, you know, but not walk all over him or nothing like that.

Speaker 1 Cause we're family and we go to the Ozarks' family.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, wait a second.
What do you mean he likes when a woman wears the pants? Didn't we vote to have that banned?

Speaker 1 So Jesse, the producer asked Jesse, so have you ever heard of BDSM? He's like, uh-uh, I don't don't even know what that would stand for. Hold on, let me look at all my phone.
Whoa,

Speaker 1 whoa,

Speaker 1 whoa,

Speaker 1 steven into that. He just laughs, he just looks at the camera and cracks up.
And someone has found a new porn addiction.

Speaker 1 Thank you, producer.

Speaker 1 He's like, I don't know who BD Sam is. No, BDSM.

Speaker 1 He's like, hold on, I have to verify my age before I can read this definition.

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Speaker 1 here's a quick podcast for all you true crime fans. The case of the missing Reese's.

Speaker 1 It was me at the store with my mouth. Motive? Um, Um, they're Reese's.
What was I going to do? Stop myself? Tune in next time to see if I do it again. Spoiler, I will.

Speaker 1 Wow, that had everything.

Speaker 1 Reese's, suspense, Reese's.

Speaker 1 Now we're at the McBee house, and Christy is there. There's another McBee, Brayden.

Speaker 1 Because there just is a new McBee every single episode. They just keep on populating.

Speaker 1 Well, I think we've seen braden i think they're trying to make braden happen because stephen senior is gone brayden's like the fourth brother but he talks even less i mean they don't let him talk at all but he feels pretty nice I really get the feeling like they are trying to fill in the void of Stephen Sr.

Speaker 1 They're like, oh, look at this. It's a gardener that they once knew three years ago.
Hey, hey, hey, Ralph.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, my God, Ralph is so great. They're just like auditioning people to fill in the gaps every single episode.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, um, Christie's there, and um, everybody starts claiming their bedrooms and stuff. I mean, they're all kind of ugly, let's face it.
But then we get to see the hero of the show. It's Uncle Jimmy.

Speaker 1 Everybody, hold back. It's Uncle Jimmy.
We've heard about Uncle Jimmy. He's going to make quite a mark today.
But one question: where is Aunt Darla?

Speaker 1 I was promised Aunt Darla, and I don't see an Aunt Darla.

Speaker 1 I feel kind of ripped off here.

Speaker 1 You can't just provide a Jimmy without a Darla. I think we all know that.

Speaker 1 Stephen told us that Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Darla were going to come down. And Aunt Darla is like, I ain't doing that stupid TV bullshit.

Speaker 1 How will I ever hold my head up high in the piggly and the diggly if I do that? I'm not doing it. Listen, I'm still waiting for Thelma, Naomi, Vinton, and Iola to show up.

Speaker 1 Maybe even Bubba, but you know,

Speaker 1 can only get so many mama's family people on this show, right?

Speaker 1 So Stephen's like, Uncle Jimmy is dad's brother, and he also worked on the farm, and he and mom are really close up until the divorce, so they haven't seen each other.

Speaker 1 But I'm really happy my mom got us all under here under this one roof with really, really bad carpeting. I mean, this carpeting is dirty.
It is dirty carpeting. But you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say anything. I got a guitar in my trunk and Uncle Jimmy here.
My stomach is full.

Speaker 1 And Uncle Jimmy's like, you know, I got a good woman with Darla, but I also know what I got to do to keep her happy. Apparently,

Speaker 1 I need to

Speaker 1 jack off in her face. Sorry, everyone.
I hate to

Speaker 1 bring the move down, but we had a long discussion on the drive over here and it's a lot on my mind.

Speaker 1 I never knew this side of her, but apparently Jimmy was talking, the one, Jesse, was talking to me about some sort of BDSM, and I think that Darla might be into it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Hey, why do you guys all look so horrified? Yeah, I took this as him just saying like, you know, she's a good woman, but you still got to make some effort.

Speaker 1 You know, the man has to do something as well, Stephen, right? And Stephen's just like, uh-huh. He just nods, like, not getting it at all.
So then we go to the Encore, Lakeside Bar and Grill.

Speaker 1 It's a three-michelin star restaurant.

Speaker 1 They all

Speaker 1 restaurant that closed already, but they just keep serving like grilled cheeses. Like, well, we don't have the menu, but you want an encore? Okay.
We've got some grilled cheeses left. Okay.
Yes.

Speaker 1 You have to clap in order for the doors to open.

Speaker 1 Or otherwise known as Beyonce's second half of her concert, because after an hour, she's like, everybody, thank you so much for coming. This has been an amazing night.
Thank you. I loved being here.

Speaker 1 And we're like, woo. And then she performs for two more hours.

Speaker 1 Did you not remember saying goodbye two hours ago? You cannot say goodbye to me. My butt is like ready to go to bed after you say goodbye.
After you say goodbye, I'm expecting one more song.

Speaker 1 Not two more hours. Not that I'm complaining.
It was two more hours ahead of

Speaker 1 Encore.

Speaker 1 Yep. Encore.
So they arrived just in time for three people to drive their motorcycles into a little cage ball and just do the thing that they used to do at the circus.

Speaker 1 Do you know how many stupid, toothless people have died trying to perfect this? I mean,

Speaker 1 I call it Darwin's cage. When they come up with certain things,

Speaker 1 Darwin's cage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The

Speaker 1 case ball. Yeah.
I mean, it's really cool. Honestly, it is really cool that it is that.

Speaker 1 But, like, what compels you to be like, I'm going to risk my life to see if I can ride in a synchronized circle in a small ball?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there are a lot of Coles in there, just like a lot of people just who don't get enough attention from their dads, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but what if I've drove my motorcycle into a circular ball cage?

Speaker 1 Hey, do you think my Kia could fit in there? Because by the way, Cole is driving a Kia, and I'm offended as a Kia driver.

Speaker 1 Get him out of my car. Oh, sorry.
He's going car shopping this week. Get him out of my car.
He is sullying the brand with his vendor.

Speaker 1 Seatbelt bullshit.

Speaker 1 So they sit down and drink, and Uncle Jimmy comes up to Christy, Christy, and he's like, a question for you. Did you think Stephen would actually be the first one to have a kid?

Speaker 1 And she's like, no, honestly, I thought it'd be Cole. I really did.
I mean, Cole, Cole's the one that really needs to lock one down. I mean, Cole could be dumped at any second.
Look at the poor guy.

Speaker 1 He doesn't even have a mouth. Cole's just like, what are you talking about over there with Jimmy?

Speaker 1 Cole does sort of have like, he's sort of, his face does look like a, like, like a tree with a, with a hole in it. Like, it's like the thing that the owl sits in, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like the little, it's like the

Speaker 1 little nook. It's like the tree vagina, you know?

Speaker 1 It's like in a neighborhood, it's where you go leave old books and people can pick them up and sparrow them.

Speaker 1 Except no one's putting books in that thing. No one's people may put a pickle.
I'm like, I'm like, he's condoms or whatever in there.

Speaker 1 People put like

Speaker 1 newspaper clippings of when he was a star in high school. Hey, remember when you were a quarterback? Here, I'll put a clip in your mouth.

Speaker 1 So anyway, yeah, so

Speaker 1 Jimmy is saying, like, yeah, like you said, did you ever think Stephen would actually be the first one to have a kid? And

Speaker 1 didn't you always think Stephen would be the one? And then Stephen's like, you are the most pessimistic person about my sperm I have ever met.

Speaker 1 So then we cut to Cole, and Cole's like, Once I found Casey, I knew I'm knocking this girl up. I'm nervous, but I'm excited, y'all.
I mean, I don't know how do I work, but I figured out.

Speaker 1 And he's getting wasted, and Casey's just rolling her eyes. And she says, Whenever Cole drinks, it's a disaster.
I mean, with age, he just doesn't mature. It's actually the opposite.

Speaker 1 I can't wait to have his baby. I know, right? Also, he's 24.
Let's stop acting like he's like at the ripe old age of 48.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 now at the Encore Outdoor Bar and Dance Floor. Wow, that was that almost.
Encore outdoor dance floor. That almost sounds like an R.
Caleb. Encore outdoor bar dance floor.

Speaker 1 At the

Speaker 1 Encore Outdoor. And after the party, it's the after party.
And after Encore, it's the outdoor bar. And after the outdoor bar, it's the dance floor.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm not. So Uncle Jimmy's like, can I have this dance, Christy? She's like, well, sure then.
So he gives her a sweet little twirl and he hugs her and he says, I love you.

Speaker 1 She says, I love you too, Jimmy. And she tells us, I haven't spent much time with Jimmy since Steve and I have divorced.
You know, I haven't even seen him in five years. He was hard.

Speaker 1 Stu's family was my family. So I'm happy.
It's like, you know, we picked up right where we left off. Well, yeah, he's nice to you again because his brother's going to jail.

Speaker 1 I mean, I wouldn't have the question of like, I thought we were friends and then you dumped me the second and your brother cheated on me and fucking left me for the Russian secretary.

Speaker 1 Like, what the fuck bro but she's like i forgive him because you know what at the end of the day you know what jimmy is he's just a boy

Speaker 1 yeah i'm surprised she didn't get an angry text from darla right away like get the fuck off my man

Speaker 1 so um

Speaker 1 i did notice by the way whatever

Speaker 1 didn't come she's like you can be fake as you want to with christy christ okay but darla ain't gonna do that because darla ain't some fake biotch okay so you take christy you take her in front of the bike chasing ball, and you push the ball and you crush her with it

Speaker 1 if you want to get inside this again.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Why am I imagining Darla with like one of those like bandanas that's like tied in the front on the phone with a friend?

Speaker 1 I said, you know, I always say to Jimmy, I don't care where you get the appetite. You just know where you get fed.
Am I right? So, you know what? Enjoy yourself, man.

Speaker 1 You, Christie, because I'm the full course.

Speaker 1 And you know, she's got like big old curlers in her hair and a cigarette dangling out of her mouth at all times. She's talking on one of those phones with like a twisty cord.

Speaker 1 That's what I told him. That's what I told him.
I told him you let that cage, you do let that cage roll over her like a big ball. I told him that.
I did. I did.

Speaker 1 Oh, hold on. My cat got caught in the cord again.
Hold on. Get out of that corner.
You're supposed to be nimble.

Speaker 1 Stupid Hubert.

Speaker 1 I did notice that Christmas.

Speaker 1 I should have left this cat under the diner where I found him. God, the worst thing you could ever do is give a cat a slice of Mississippi pud, mud pie.

Speaker 1 Don't ever do it. Is there, like, as long as I got you on the phone, is there a cure for mange?

Speaker 1 I think I heard something about the cat has it.

Speaker 1 I did notice that Christie, when dancing with Uncle Jimmy, was like oddly holding his elbow. I feel like she was like, I'm not going to put my hand on his waists.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm going to draw a boundary and I'm not going to do this unless the man tells me to do that, which case, of course, I have no power.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This is just friendly.
And when you're friends with somebody, you hold their elbows. That's just how it works.
It's what we learned in church.

Speaker 1 So Stephen is like, hey, do you guys want to go down to the dock and play a game? And Casey's like, um, well, I heard of this.

Speaker 1 I was going to say it. I just thought this was the funniest thing that Casey said.

Speaker 1 So I heard of this game where everyone writes down a question and then you like put them in a hat and then you like answer them.

Speaker 1 Wow, great game. Great game.
Great game, Casey. I heard a game.
It's questions you answered.

Speaker 1 I think maybe it was Truth or Dare. I'm not sure.
We're on Robin now, so we have to play this game. We're not going to...

Speaker 1 They said to make it into whatever we wanted to, but it just sounds like putting things into a hat and then answering questions. So let's just take that.
Hey, I heard a game.

Speaker 1 It's called Two Truths and Then a Third Truth. You guys want to start?

Speaker 1 I know a game.

Speaker 1 Let someone make love to you and then decide a few months later whether or not you want their baby

Speaker 1 oh here's the game marry marry regretfully wish you could kill but marry them anyway

Speaker 1 so uh cole's like do they have to notice my question and she's like no um it's anonymous he goes i don't know what that is but do they know the they're gonna notice my question or not no they're not gonna know so kyle is like yeah so don't put your name on it just write like don't write like from coal that's what that means

Speaker 1 Cut to him furiously erasing, scratching off from coal.

Speaker 1 So they start playing the stupid question game, the game where you answer questions, and there's like literally no subtlety, which is so funny. Like the first one, the first one is Stevens.

Speaker 1 He's like, okay, here's mine. Would you rather make out with Galena or live with her for a week? Oh, man.
And everyone's like, ew, gross. Galena, disgusting.
Y'all know that Galena has a TV, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, Jesus. Y'all don't

Speaker 1 this. They're also like, have you guys seen yourself? You guys seen yourselves? Do you guys think you're that much? Seriously.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Especially Cole.
Cole ewing anybody else is hilarious.

Speaker 1 Cole looks like a marshmallow that stayed on the stick too long in the fire and it started to droop down towards your fingers. That's, I don't, like, I don't want to hear it from him.
No.

Speaker 1 So Stephen chooses to make out and they're like, oh, gross, disgusting. And Brayden's like, ew, dude, like, dad's made out with her.
And Christy hides her face. And Brayden goes, Okay,

Speaker 1 here's the question I got. How does pregnant sex work?

Speaker 1 Well, pregnant sex work is a lot like

Speaker 1 unpregnant sex work. You just have to basically say, when I want a prostitute, you say, can I get a pregnant prostitute?

Speaker 1 Don't tell mom.

Speaker 1 So Calla is like, well, actually, Casey said y'all's sex life has improved. And Christy holds her, hides her face again.
I love that,

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, Casey and Cole seem to have the best sex life out of everybody in the family, which is

Speaker 1 because they've made a lot of comments.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just so weird that someone willingly has sex with Cole the most out of anybody out of this family. And that girl's gorgeous, too, but she's like, yeah, usually we have it every day.

Speaker 1 So I don't know why he's complaining. I'm like, you had sex with Cole every day? Oh, God.

Speaker 1 How do you do that? I think it's just that leftover charisma from star quarterback. You know, like, there's like a, there's like an inertia that follows you.

Speaker 1 Like, if you're the star quarterback, like, if she was, if they went to high school together, like, that star quarterback thing really lingers. I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's, that's the only way I can explain it. But at this point, Christy leaves.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I really do get in her sha.

Speaker 1 Yeah, every day.

Speaker 1 I get in her.

Speaker 1 I get in her shaw.

Speaker 1 Shaw.

Speaker 1 So Christy leaves because it's too gross for her. And Stephen's like, okay, I have the next question.
Jesse, your wedding is a month away.

Speaker 1 How come I haven't seen any indication that you've been up at the farm taking care of the beef? Okay. And also, why haven't

Speaker 1 a prenup come across my desk?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's pretty ballsy to ask when Allie's not there, sir.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that girl has been with him since like before high school, right? Like, didn't they,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be signing a prenup if I was her. Are you fucking crazy? She has to be part of this loser ass family.
She better get some of that money.

Speaker 1 Listen, if as long as you carve out that city house for her, she can, she'll be happy, I'm sure. Yeah, I hope she gets the city house.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Stephen's like, cuz with the percentage from the car washes that make no money and shoot, the farm that makes no money and shoot, the tractors that Cole's broken.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's $50 million payout if we ever start making any money. We do know that this company has no money, right? We are $6 million in debt.

Speaker 1 So Jesse goes, draw one up. Draw one

Speaker 1 up. And they're like, oh, my God.
You're going to talk to Allie. He's like, yeah.
But then Jesse is like, oh, God, that was stupid. She's going to kill me.
Why would I hurt me to that?

Speaker 1 She's doing triathlon. She's so strong now.
He's just trying to impress his brothers, but he's like, oh, hell no, I'm not going to do that. She'll kill me.
So on the dock, Casey is like, okay.

Speaker 1 Last question. Steven, if Cole was running the farm, would you listen to him?

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, the card actually says, if Cole was running farm. So I had to add the the.

Speaker 1 So this is probably from Cole. Hey, you said this was going to be anonymous.

Speaker 1 I loved that. Someone wrote, if Cole was running farm,

Speaker 1 if Cole was running

Speaker 1 farm.

Speaker 1 Cole wanted to hide who was writing the questions, but it's obviously Cole. And he's like, my answer is no.
And so everybody looks all upset. So now the next morning,

Speaker 1 they're having breakfast and they're talking about how, you know, the Stephen and Calla are getting along and that nice.

Speaker 1 And Christy tells us, I trust Stephen with everything he does in his life, but I do not trust his relationship with Calla.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So Stephen and Calla are outside talking about this like apartment in Dallas that she found that she wants Stephen to basically pay for.

Speaker 1 But, you know, they have no money, so he can't really do that. And she goes, well, I need to get the apartment app in.
Like, what do you think about co-signing?

Speaker 1 I know you've got your name on all these loans. He's like, well, the farm is definitely tight this year and we need to make it six million by the end of the year.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, there's no way to hold up a co-signer. Okay.
But my mom, she can do it. My mom would love to do it.
And she's a woman. So she'll do what I say.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. So they bring Christy out and Calla's like, yeah, I was just telling Stephen that I found an apartment close to my family, but like I need him to co-sign.
And I can't do it, mama.

Speaker 1 Like it's 250. You need to make that much just to get into the place.
And she's like, yeah, well, sure. I mean, I'd love to help you out.
Why would you help her out? This is, to me, this is crazy.

Speaker 1 She's not even dating Steven. You hate her.
You don't like her being a part of this family. Why are you doing this? And this is what she said in an Instagram comment.

Speaker 1 I think it's, maybe it's Facebook. I can't tell what it is.
But someone was like, making a shitty comment about her. So she came on and she said, hey, curly Jess, 23.

Speaker 1 You're kind of contradicting yourself. So I stick my nose in their relationship by telling Jesse he needs to stay home with Allie.
But you're also saying I think my boys do no wrong.

Speaker 1 Hmm, which one is it? And please explain how I treated Cala bad. Did you know over the past three years how I tried to get close with her?

Speaker 1 I paid for everything for her, employed her two different times. She wouldn't come to work.

Speaker 1 So basically had egg on my face while she wanted to do nothing with any of us except the benefits that came with it. Let's see, what else?

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm currently paying her for her 15-month lease on her high-end apartment in dallas because she was too good to live in anything but uh that oh and we get to pay for her car it's not even in her name it's in our name clearly you have a case of diarrhea of the mouth christy out

Speaker 1 But like, why is Christy, because Christy does this whole monologue where she's, it's, all the scenes intersplice between it.

Speaker 1 And so she's like, she's like, I knew she was a gold digger from the first time she came around, but I would do anything to get her out of my life.

Speaker 1 I don't even want to see Steven in this toxic, unhealthy relationship. and it cuts her going sure i'd love to help you out christine

Speaker 1 what just say say well um i don't know if i can really do that right now we only extend these things to people that are family or significant others and you two are both friends right now and i don't think that this is appropriate or even easier just say well i'll think about it i'll have to go see um i'll go check to see

Speaker 1 my finances and I'll get back to you. But like,

Speaker 1 she's crumbling.

Speaker 1 And she has this whole big Facebook comment going off on someone. And she ends it like, oh, I totally have the upper hand here.
No, you look like an idiot because you're paying for all of this.

Speaker 1 Like you're the idiot. Like you're paying for someone you hate.
Also, asking someone to co-sign on a lease doesn't mean, will you pay for this apartment for me? So why are you paying the lease?

Speaker 1 Like this is

Speaker 1 cuckoo and you're digging yourself a grave and you should not be doing, you are such an enabler lady. Like you shouldn't be doing this for your kids.

Speaker 1 Like it's too much. It's too much.
Your kids are failing. Just let them fail.

Speaker 1 I'd love that she went off and created her own business and became like super powerful, but she is totally spineless around her kids and the family. And it's like, it's actually very sad.

Speaker 1 Like, she just acts like she's helpless. I'm like, you're the mom.
You can just say no. And you can have attitude about it because they're your kids and they have to listen to you.

Speaker 1 But she needs to wait on

Speaker 1 her own children.

Speaker 1 Especially because your husband obviously isn't paying for shit because if you're paying for it through your company, that means the husband has no more money left and you're having to to shoulder all this.

Speaker 1 So if you're having to pay for it, then you have the power to say no. So I'm not going to feel bad for you.

Speaker 1 And I think it's super crazy that Calla would expect to just break up with someone and then expect a family that she hates to pay for everything. And I also think it's funny that Christy's like,

Speaker 1 oh my God, you know what? There's this girl, and I could tell she was a gold digger. Really? You could? She met your son on a TV show called Joe Millionaire, where he was the millionaire.

Speaker 1 Like, why would you expect to find anything else?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's acting like she

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Speaker 1 So, Cala, they now go to Paintball.

Speaker 1 And some of them are like they're sort of gathering, etc. And Cala's like, so Casey, would you say that Cole has been growing up? It seems like he's matured.

Speaker 1 And she's like, he's definitely changed a little bit. I mean, we'll see.

Speaker 1 He's definitely wearing bigger pants.

Speaker 1 He's growing out at least. And Cala's like,

Speaker 1 I think he'll be a good dad.

Speaker 1 He'll be a good dad to somebody someday in like maybe 45 years and really not even then.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but what about you? Are you and Stephen like friends with benefits? And that means you still have sex, right? Because I mean, yeah, and also leases and cars. So

Speaker 1 they

Speaker 1 go and they have like this whole thing, this whole like they're shooting and everything, and it's like really fun.

Speaker 1 And then afterwards, then there's like a silly thing where it's like, well, the tradition here is that if there's a groom, then the groom gets to go run the gauntlet and people get to shoot him.

Speaker 1 So he they all shoot at Jesse and it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 And now it's time to go on a pontoon boat. So on the pontoon, catch and raise and making waves all afternoon.

Speaker 1 And it's one of my favorite songs, actually. So Stephen takes Brayden and Cole and Jesse and Casey and Cowan and Cross State to a bar where the boats can stay docked.

Speaker 1 And Stephen, this is such a Steven order. All right, we're doing shots.
Sugar-free vodka Red Bulls. Okay.

Speaker 1 Skinny cowboy. It's a skinny cowboy.
So they get those and Cole's like, I want four. And Chrissy's like, Cole, you are going to be a father.
And I mean, yeah, but

Speaker 1 hello. Look at the one they had.
So she's like, I don't like when his drinking starts. That's when I start to get nervous because it reminds me of their father.

Speaker 1 And watch, I'm going to stand up for myself right now.

Speaker 1 You watch it. I'm not going to take this from my boys.
They're going to drink. This is what's about to happen.
Guys, I'm going to go home. I got some stuff to do.
Y'all have fun today.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Christy, you should be like, boys, you are in public right now. Slow down.
I am your mother and I'm telling you to stop. And even if they don't listen, you should still say that.

Speaker 1 But instead, she's like, okay, I'm going to go back home somewhere. Bye.
Have a great time, kids.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So now it's time to go in the pool.
And Calla's in her bikini and Cole's staring at her because she's bodacious.

Speaker 1 So everyone, we just see drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking. And Stephen decides it's his time to get loose because I never get loose.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to get loose right now with some sugar-free Red Bull vodka shots. Yeah.
You are the most pessimistic beverage I've ever had around my family. So then Calla is like being, oh, silly.

Speaker 1 There's like this guy in overalls just like wading through the pool.

Speaker 1 Like, please don't bring your jeans into the pool. Like everything that's in those jeans now leaching into this, into this experience.

Speaker 1 So we've seen a lot of kind of what the Ozarks vibe is that they're trying to give us, but we don't see it as much as we do in the pool.

Speaker 1 I mean, when they get to the pool, that's when I was like, oh, wow, this is different. It's like people in their cowboy hats and like

Speaker 1 just, I don't know, are they fully clothed? Like, there's a lot of like grinding and fucking and there's a lot of weird shit going on in that pool. It's like a, it's rowdy in there.

Speaker 1 Did the Ozarks tourism board?

Speaker 1 Did they, did they agree to this episode? Because I can't imagine this was really what they wanted to put out there to the rest of the world. You know what it was like?

Speaker 1 It was like in that movie, The Gremlins, when the little cute gremlins all got covered in water and then they became gremlins and started partying in the kitchen and were were like throwing things around and swinging from the fans like one falls into a blender.

Speaker 1 I hated that scene. I was like, clean up.
Stop it. Just because you're a gremlin doesn't mean you have to act like an idiot.
Grow up.

Speaker 1 So funny. So now Cole is like flirting with Calla, who's straddling and twerking over Steven, but then they're in the pool and she's jumping all over him.

Speaker 1 Then she jumps over him and like puts her boobs on his head or something. And then

Speaker 1 Cole doesn't know what she's doing, but he sees her butt and he goes,

Speaker 1 she's twerking.

Speaker 1 Cala, she's twerking. And

Speaker 1 she did the twerking. Okay.
She really, she really has captured the spirit of the Caribbean in her twerk. The way that that butt cheek moved, not at all, she really, she really got it down.

Speaker 1 And she really,

Speaker 1 white girl twerking, white girl twerking.

Speaker 1 So Cole's like, yeah, I mean, if that was in my face, I'd eat it all day.

Speaker 1 And Casey's like, oh, yeah, that's funny. That is real fucking funny.
And Brayden's like, Cole, you're literally the biggest idiot. You got a pregnant lady over here.

Speaker 1 So Casey gets all upset and also gross. I mean, just gross.
So she gets all upset. And he comes over.
He's like, come here, baby. Come here, no mouth.
Come over here.

Speaker 1 No, daddy no loops wants to talk to you. Get over here.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Lick my teeth. Shoot the fuck.

Speaker 1 No, no, don't touch me. Don't touch me.
I'm going to go home and play a game of questions with myself now. I'm mad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so they're like, Cole needs to go to bed. That's where he needs to go.
So Calla walks off with Casey because she's all upset and she's crying. And she goes, Why are you upset?

Speaker 1 And she goes, He said he must eat your ass.

Speaker 1 She's like, She goes, Ew, me? Me? Oh,

Speaker 1 let's sit down and talk about it. She goes, I think we're leaving.
He's just trying to be funny, but after a while, it's not funny.

Speaker 1 So Cole's like, Brayden, I will beat your motherfucking ass. Because Cole is now spiraling.
He's like, he's so mad that he like he wasn't able to get Casey to like accept his apology.

Speaker 1 So he's spiraling. And Brayden's like, you need to shut the fuck up, Cole.
He's like, you're not my fucking mom. Cause if you were my fucking mom, you'd probably say nothing at all right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're right. You'd probably give me $5 and pat me on the head.
And Brayden's like, you need to stop. I never met a bigger bitch in my life.
And where the fuck are my two older brothers at?

Speaker 1 Someone needs to be over here trying to do something. And then we cut to Jesse and Stephen, and they're like wrangling.

Speaker 1 Oh, we cut to Jesse and Stephen just parting. And Cole storms off, and he's in the parking lot yelling.
He's like, I've changed my whole life for her.

Speaker 1 I did everything right. I become a good person.
I don't get no credit for nothing.

Speaker 1 But I've changed. It's like, how are you changing? You just gained a hundred pounds and now you're drunk all the time and wanting to eat your boyfriend's girlfriend's ass.

Speaker 1 Like, what are you bragging about, bro? Yeah, settle down, Jennifer Hudson. You are not not changing.
So then Calla is like climbing into a car and a woman's like, bitch, get out of the fucking way.

Speaker 1 And she's like, you get out of the way, you hoe-ass bitch. I was like, wow, Ozarks just.

Speaker 1 All you need to bring is your love of everything, right?

Speaker 1 I love that it's just so casual too. Bitch, get out the way.
Now you get out of the way, bitch, hoe-ass bitch. And she just gets in the car like it happens every day.
I was cracking.

Speaker 1 Also, they use this later to show how crazy Cala is, but she was just responding. I mean, yeah, she was.
I'm sorry, but you can't hold it. When did the Ozarks

Speaker 1 do as the Ozarkians do?

Speaker 1 So, so when we got to Cole, who is now like walks through the parking lot, and there's like a little hillside, like not even a hill, it's just like an embankment with like grass and stone.

Speaker 1 And he just starts punching the embankment.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 I've changed. And he's punching the hill.
The brothers are cracking up.

Speaker 1 I guarantee, in the history of humankind, the hill has always won.

Speaker 1 That's why there is an expression, dying on a hill, because the hill doesn't die on you.

Speaker 1 Listen, the hills have eyes, and they're both judging you. Okay.

Speaker 1 The hills have eyes and the eyes are like, the eyes are like squinting shut and say, please, please get away from me.

Speaker 1 I don't want to look at you.

Speaker 1 So Cole starts beating up the hill and then finally just sits on the ground and starts crying. And he's like, I'm mad.
I'm pissed.

Speaker 1 i mean i'm gonna be bumping my brother's asses right now this is not funny and i've changed

Speaker 1 so then cole is like they get into like an uber and cole just like sits in the back seat and he like grabs the headrest and the front seat and he's like holds on to it for dear life and he's like i love casey and my baby i just do everything wrong but i'm not the same person i'm not the same person who everyone thinks i am i'm someone who's just like two or three years older than that.

Speaker 1 I've changed.

Speaker 1 I just like, you know, look, as far as like, I mean, I'm just making fun of him for gaining weight. That's not very nice.

Speaker 1 I'm just doing it because he's acting like he's just been on this journey through like the desert where he's walked and fasted and become a good person and he can't believe everybody's still holding him.

Speaker 1 No, you have not done that. You are, you are messier than ever.
You're drunker than ever. You're grosser than ever.
And you're about to pop out a baby. Okay.

Speaker 1 He's like a, he's like a hickey jacks, you know?

Speaker 1 So then Steven's like, well,

Speaker 1 Cole's under stress because he peaked in high school. Okay.
And the farm is the worst it's ever been and he's going to have a kid. So he's having a mid-20s crisis.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He doesn't even know how bad it is yet because he doesn't know that there's an FBI investigation. So wait until I drop that one on him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's like, yeah, I just think that it's finally catching up to him and he's just going to be, he's just going to be a dad and he's just not handling it well.

Speaker 1 And so i love how he just i love how he just lays it out he's like you know i think that cole is upset because he peaked in high school

Speaker 1 i know

Speaker 1 that's sad when the mcb's are telling you that you know so cole is like i've been he's like i've been changing everything about myself i just want to have a good time what have you changed is this this is the better version i don't know if i even want to know what the worst version is there's this is literally someone who has not changed i don't even know i i without any context i tell you this person has not changed from whatever he's claiming to change from.

Speaker 1 Well, last year in the first season, they go to Nashville for this boys trip and the girls get all mad. And he basically everyone wants to bang Steven, right?

Speaker 1 Because Stephen's like from TV and he's also hot and he's this big, strong guy. So all the girls like Steven.

Speaker 1 So Cole follows Steven around and waits for Steven to get hot girls and then he tries to take the leftovers. And by the way, he admits this.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, I hang out with Steven because he gets hot girls. So he waits for the Steven to reject people and then he tries to make out with them.

Speaker 1 So last, he did that last year and he ended up getting a couple of girls and flirting with them all night. And they're like, Casey's going to kill you.
Casey's going to kill you.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I don't care. I can do whatever I want to.
I'm married or nothing.

Speaker 1 And then he acts like he deserves a gold medal because he didn't sleep with one of them. And so that was his whole thing.
So then he got in trouble for that.

Speaker 1 So now he's made it into episode, what is this, five? And he hasn't followed Steven around and tried to sweep up any leftover pussé say.

Speaker 1 And so he feels like he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for changing. It's like

Speaker 1 that's as small as he thinks, Ben. That's like literally his whole

Speaker 1 exactly what I would expect. So, anyway, they all make their way back to the, well, actually, before they even get to the

Speaker 1 McBee lake house, Cole is not just only saying that he's changed, but he's crying. And then he's saying, I'm not crying.
I'm not crying. Stop saying I'm crying.
I'm not crying. I'm not crying.

Speaker 1 Don't look at me. I'm not crying.
And they're like, you're literally crying. He's like, no, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm not crying. You're not dying.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 So they go ahead and go back to the house and they start gathering. Chris is like, oh, my God, what did Cole do?

Speaker 1 And they're like, and Casey's like, I just did something because, you know, he was drunk and then he got mad.

Speaker 1 So Casey, even protecting him, like leaves out the whole, he got wasted and was hitting on Cala and said he wanted to eat Calla's ass. She leaves all that out.

Speaker 1 So Christy blames Steven for this, of course, which she's right.

Speaker 1 But it's also your fault because you do nothing about it. And then Casey and Cole hug and make up.

Speaker 1 And then they go to the dock to drink some more, talk some more shit. So they all head down to the dock.
And Cole is doing this whole thing at this dock. He's like, he's like, I'm a good person.

Speaker 1 And if I had my daughter here right now, I would still drink, but I would stay under control and not get inappropriate.

Speaker 1 So I would say to that hill, next time I'm going to punch you, but my little lady's here, and I don't punch hills in front of a lady. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I think God puts us through hard times like this whenever we had it. All right, too easy growing up.
God puts us, God puts us through hard times. Like it's in the Bible.

Speaker 1 Like there's parts when people were sitting there and God put an ass that they could eat and they had to make that decision. You're going to eat that ass or you're not going to eat that ass.

Speaker 1 And I didn't eat the ass. I'm a good person because, you know, like when you've had intuition growing up, you know, God tests you.

Speaker 1 I mean, not Steven. And Callie goes, oh, really? You think Steven's had such a hard life? For real? You've all had it fucking easy.
I do his load of laundry every day.

Speaker 1 And if I don't, he'll text his mom to do it. So why are you saying that he's had a hard life?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he's, there's always going to be someone who's had it easier, but like he's dealt with more than most people have at fucking 28 years old.

Speaker 1 Do you know how hard it it is to be a really good looking muscular guy with a lot of money? He's dealt with a lot. That Kanban broke down last week.

Speaker 1 Tell me a 28-year-old man who hasn't dealt with worse than that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he gets up at 4 a.m. and he works his fucking ass off and says, he does not get up at 4.
He goes, oh, yeah, and you had it harder than us and you've done really good in your life too.

Speaker 1 But he's had to deal with things no one should have to deal with at this point in his life. He's about to lose his hair and he's only 28.

Speaker 1 The other day, I gave him a Reese's fast break and he didn't eat it fast enough and it melted. He's dealt with a lot.

Speaker 1 A lot.

Speaker 1 Same. And he goes, Yeah, well, same.
Well, same. But same then.

Speaker 1 He did. I mean, Calla, come on now.

Speaker 1 You can talk about how hard your life is too, but you're literally so hot that you can live off of that.

Speaker 1 You're walking into this family and getting everything paid for and that's just what he did So why is it any harder for you?

Speaker 1 Like I don't get it you both same thing Cole is actually being kind of funny here because he's not being like you don't you're you didn't you you don't know you didn't grow up with a hard life He keeps on saying and you grew up with a hard life too.

Speaker 1 You guys both had a hard life Life is hard sometimes and she's like no He's like no, I'm saying he keeps on saying like he keeps on conceding like her points because every time she's like you don't know what I've been through.

Speaker 1 He's like, you're right. I don't.
You had it hard too. She's like, No, you don't,

Speaker 1 yeah, but no, stop it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're just wasted because he's actually, it's weird because Cole has looked like an idiot.

Speaker 1 So, now I think what Cole's trying to do is kiss Steven's ass by saying, Steven worked so hard, Stephen's had it rough, and also so have you, Calla.

Speaker 1 He's actually trying to kiss everybody's ass, but Calla's like, uh-uh, he hasn't had it hard. I've had it hard.
You, you all are, you know, privileged or whatever.

Speaker 1 Yes, she's trying to get all feisty to the family that's paying for her condo.

Speaker 1 Yes. And so Cole's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you did, you did.
And you're about to get your own apartment. So now he loses it, right? Because she just keeps pushing him.
So he's like,

Speaker 1 you're about to get your own apartment in Dallas with my mom paying for everything for you. So don't say all that, please.
And Calla's jaw drops.

Speaker 1 And he's like, yeah, if you knew anything, you'd just love Steven and not get sent back to Dallas. You just, you wouldn't talk shit about him all the time.

Speaker 1 And you wouldn't be nowhere in life without him. And it makes me so mad.
I'm sick of it.

Speaker 1 He runs away. He does a lot of running away in this episode, like storming downstairs and up driveways and stuff.
So Calla starts to cry and Jesse's just eating a pizza crust all angrily.

Speaker 1 So just, well, actually, no, I'm sorry. He's actually, Jesse's eating it happily.
Stephen's eating it angrily because his arms are crossed.

Speaker 1 He's like, I ain't got, I ain't gonna fucking stick up for you. You're constantly throwing me under the bus.
And she goes, how? Because I have a hard life.

Speaker 1 and she was like he doesn't have a hard life he doesn't have a hard life at all and now he's like angry because he wants to be like i have a hard life

Speaker 1 so then cole runs he go he runs into the house he's like very cartman like cole is so cartman the way he gets all angry and like in a fuss goes stealing off somewhere he is like he's like you can take this my mama's gonna be real mad at you now stupid so he runs up and he of course he runs right to mama he's like she's on mom's further motherfucking payroll what's going on and He goes, Stephen provides everything for her.

Speaker 1 And she said that he's had it so easy. She goes, we'll talk about it another time.
Calm down, honey. Calm down.
You're just a boy. You shouldn't be this upset.

Speaker 1 He starts crying.

Speaker 1 Okay, now is not the time. And so Calla's like, really? Because he just yelled at me.

Speaker 1 You know, because he's like, I don't care. It's my son.
Cole's like, I'm not, I'm not. I'm just trying to get you to realize that Stephen does everything for everybody.

Speaker 1 And Calla's like,

Speaker 1 she's just staring and like, like, how much Calla can just sit peacefully in the middle of chaos. Like, she'll create chaos.
And then she just sits there and looks at everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Stephen just pushes her across the floor. I love this shot.
I was like, this will become a gift. She's just sitting there staring.

Speaker 1 And Stephen just pushes her across the floor in her stool away from everyone.

Speaker 1 She just sits there.

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to get you to realize Steven does everything. And Calla's like, wait, I'm not the one he fucking yelled.
Why are you pulling me away? And Cole's like punching the air.

Speaker 1 He's like, where's the hill? Get me to a hill. Send her back to Dallas.

Speaker 1 So Cala's like, the truth will come out, Stephen, and you'll be fucking buried for that shit.

Speaker 1 You'll be buried. He'll be buried.
You're going to get buried.

Speaker 1 So now Christie's with Braden and Cole. She's like, now, everybody, go to sleep.
Go to sleep now.

Speaker 1 And Cole's like Casey doesn't talk about me that way how can she talk about Stephen that way poor Stephen mama and Braden's like yeah because she loves you and Casey and Allie are like my sisters but Calla ain't my sister she ain't my sister

Speaker 1 So oh God, so she's like Stephen in the other room. She's like, Stephen, why are you so scared?

Speaker 1 And Kella says, Stephen told me that his father is being investigated by the FBI, which, by the way, like

Speaker 1 someone needs to really look at at Steven, this guy who's like the CEO of the company, telling his on and again, off-again, unstable, toxic girlfriend, maybe not girlfriend details about the fact that like the FBI is investigating.

Speaker 1 Like, that's not smart of your CEO. Look what happened with the family.
Well, Steven is really, Steven's really like toxic and messy too.

Speaker 1 And he keeps telling Calla all of these things to like pit her against his family and pit the family against her. And he likes complete chaos.

Speaker 1 I don't really know what his game plan is, but it's like he wants to keep Calla around, but separated from the family or something.

Speaker 1 It's fucked up. I mean, Stephen's pretty fucked up.
So, and yeah, it is really stupid for him to tell her that. But did he tell her innocently because he needed someone to talk to?

Speaker 1 Or did he tell her because he wanted her to bring it out on camera? Cause he didn't want to be the one to bring it out on camera. You know, I don't know.
I can't tell.

Speaker 1 But now she's doing this whole bit where she's saying, like, she's like, everyone's mad, but I don't know what the fuck I did. That was wrong.
He's like, I just need you to go downstairs.

Speaker 1 Everyone is too drunk. she's like i'm not

Speaker 1 he's like at 32 be mature and be done instead of making things as hard as fucking possible on this family

Speaker 1 so christy's like stephen calm down calm down okay stephen stephen just calm down so cala goes downstairs and packs her stuff and christy tells stephen this isn't love this is this i don't i don't get why you would drink with her you're both miserable you make each other miserable what are you doing with her and she says that stephen's not perfect but cala is poisoned to my family and he tried to make things right by being with her when her sister passed but I'm not gonna allow it anymore I cannot wait to pay the first lease payment I can't wait to do it I will not allow her to poison this family, which is why I will invite her to dinner and pay for her new car and a new house and maybe a second house.

Speaker 1 So now Kay sits down with the brothers and she's like, oh my God, she has a cow girl hat on. The girl's getting ready to go.

Speaker 1 And Calla goes out to like the car and there's an Uber there and Cala's like I have so much tea on this family that they would not want out there but there might be one thing that comes out pretty soon

Speaker 1 they are being investigated by the Galena shows up like FBI already said

Speaker 1 this

Speaker 1 you hack you are if you peel some chickens then you'll be real good real bitch

Speaker 1 yeah is there something else because I like that she ends like and something's gonna come out soon but you just told us the FBI thing so was that it or is there more they voted for Biden

Speaker 1 Kamala fans

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 so yeah I mean I'm not really sure but also like you're taking money from this family and then being like in the same episode you're asking them to pay for everything you're like I'm gonna bring them down like that's called blackmail pretty blackmailer there you go Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's what that is.

Speaker 1 All right, everyone.

Speaker 1 Thanks for being

Speaker 1 dynasty in the can.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thanks for being here for some McBee Dynasty. We will have the Valley and other wonderful shows on later this week.
Talk to you later. Bye.
Everybody.

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Speaker 2 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

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Speaker 2 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

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