#2940 The Valley S2E15 Part One: Mad Jax Fury Toad

Weight loss medications are everywhere right now.

Everyone's talking about them.

Everyone's on them.

But let's be real.

Have you seen the price tag?

It's hard to believe they're actually accessible.

That's where HERS comes in.

HERS is transforming women's health care by providing access to affordable weight loss treatment plans.

They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you.

If prescribed, you get medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care, check-ins, dosage, and medication adjustments.

Weight loss by HERS is realistic, not restrictive, and it's affordable.

HERS provides access to both oral medication kits and GLP-1 injectable options.

Start your free online visit today at forhers.com slash crap ins that's f-o-r-h-e-r-s.com slash crap ins for your personalized weight loss treatment options.

Forhers.com slash crap-ins.

Weight loss by HERS is not available everywhere.

Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness, or quality by the FDA.

Prescription required to see website for full details, important safety information, and restrictions.

Actual price depends on product and plan purchase.

What's the difference between a house and a home?

A home is a cozy place, a place that feels unique to the people living in it.

And photos on the wall is a perfect way to make your space fully yours.

Smallwood Home can help you with that.

SmallwoodHome.com turns your favorite photos into gallery quality framed prints or wrapped canvases, all handcraft in the USA, shipped in days and priced to make your whole home smile.

I just ordered fantastic pictures of my nieces and my family when they were here in Los Angeles and I'm going to have that memory forever and they look amazing.

With fast shipping, affordable pricing and the highest quality prints available, it makes sense that Smallwood Home has over 3 million happy customers.

And now it's your turn.

Right now, get 30% off when you use the code Krapens at SmallwoodHome.com.

That's promo code Krapens to get 30% 30% off.

Your first order at smallwoodhome.com.

Give your memories the showcase they deserve.

We are sponsored by the new movie from Searchlight Pictures, The Roses.

Perfect couple Ivy, Olivia Coleman, and Theo Rose, Benedict Cumberbatch, have it all.

Successful careers, a loving marriage, and great kids.

But when Theo's career comes crashing down, just as Ivy's fame starts to skyrocket, a tinderbox of fierce competition and growing resentment ignites, threatening to destroy everything they've built if they don't destroy each other first.

All's fair when love is war.

For anyone who's ever been in a relationship, The Roses is a crowd-pleasing comedy.

Starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Olivia Coleman, Andy Sandberg, Allison Janey, Shuti Gatwa, and Kate McKinnon.

From the director of Meet the Parents and writer of Poor Things.

Directed by Jay Roach and screenplay by Tony McNamara.

This movie looks absolutely hilarious.

I love Olivia Coleman so much.

I'll see anything she's in, and this one looks like a home run.

In theaters everywhere, August 29th.

Get tickets now.

Hello, and welcome to Watch Our Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is a bespeckled and delicious Ronnie Carom.

Hi, Ronnie.

How is it going?

Hello, how are you?

I'm fabulous.

We have a big day of podcasting today.

We are going to be recapping the season finale of The Valley.

That rhymes.

And then later today, we are going to recap the season finale of Next Gen New York City.

And earlier today, we went on to Julia Cunningham's podcast, or I'm sorry, radio show, which which will be, I think,

about next week is going to be where

it was.

Yeah.

So keep an ear out for that one.

We had so much fun talking with Julia.

We love Julia.

Also, huge thank you to everyone who showed up for our very first ever Amazon live last night.

I cannot tell you how much fun that we had.

I think we, like, for me, I unlocked a part of me that I didn't even know existed, which is someone like my, I, I unlocked my inner Stacey from Potomac, essentially.

I'm like, it turns out I really enjoy talking about products in front of an audience.

And I had the most fun talking about sheet pans and Dutch ovens and all that fun stuff.

So it was super fun doing it with you, Ronnie.

And it was great to see people there commenting.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was fun and fun reading the comments and stuff.

We're going to do them the next couple of weeks, Mondays, the next two Mondays at 4 p.m.

Pacific time on Amazon Live.

We'll put a link up every day when we go up.

So just check our Instagram for the link, but we should, you should see us on

Amazon Live.

But if you want a link, just check our

Insta.

By the way, my glasses are because I'm still waiting for my eyes to heal up.

They're mostly healed, but like, I'll show you a little.

They're mostly healed, but I'm bruised.

So I'm just, I'm just wearing the glasses so I don't trigger people with bruising.

But they're almost back.

Hopefully by next week, I'll be glasses free and won't look like such a douchebag.

Oh, you don't look, you look great.

This is like your Hunter S.

Thompson era.

It's wonderful.

I'm so into it.

But yeah, so lots of between the sunglasses and the Amazon Live and the radio shows.

It's been a busy week around here and we're having a great time.

But let's get into it.

Unless there are any other announcements.

Oh, patreon.com slash watchwork happens.

Of course, never forget the Patreon.

Right now, come on and you get access to all sorts of fun things.

Like, for instance, Graphics on Demand where you can watch Ronnie's sunglasses.

So do that.

Craps on Demand.

Go check all the Love Island recaps.

We will reboot next week week with new uh bonus episodes probably about i don't know our lives uh for a while so join us join us for that uh next week so here we are with the valley seasoned finale of the valley valley finale this new

resentment

oh deep title for that episode um this episode this zen party is brought to you by our favorite store in orange county zen stations

so um everything starts off with uh janet janet shows up at la la's house with portos which is a local cuban bakery here that we are obsessed with love portos yes i love portos i've been ordering from there a lot and um i can't believe she brought that to lala's house because lala is not eating portos okay

everything is fried and um greased and carbed but um nice try i mean i figure you know that's what a person like janet would do show up to someone like lala's house with carbs yeah lala's like I don't eat at Portos I eat at Porjos

get what I said there

um it's my post-divorce journeys um Lala's new baby is here named Sosa which I don't know if that's for the basketball player isn't that a no uh baseball baseball player Sammy Sosa Sammy Sosa

baseball name or is it just yeah but when Sammy Sosa away from so so

Sosa.

That is that is the most Lala name.

I mean, only someone named Lala would then be like,

my name is Lala.

My daughter's name is Sasa.

Sussa.

Sussa kinet.

Sick Sasa.

Lala, Sasa.

The other one.

The other one who looks like Rand.

Sussa.

So Sasa.

So Sussa's there.

Sasa.

Sasa.

Sasa.

Sasasa, Sasa.

Sasa.

Sapra.

Sepra.

Our next kid's going to be named Sepra.

So Michelle and Brittany come over, and you know, because you just hear, oh, right here, right here.

That's little baby.

It's little baby.

You're a little baby.

You're just little chicken wing, aren't you?

I want to give you a little bit.

Brittany, please stop dipping my baby some bitches.

Hey, you know what that baby looks like?

You know what that baby looks like?

A little bridge.

A little hill.

Sushi wing.

Wear that little bridge at the sushi.

Chicken Vita.

You ever put a chicken Vita on a bridge that looks like a baby?

Do you forget what they look like when they're little babies?

They're a little baby.

I want to have another

baby.

You know, I always said it one in the on, but I know that something that Aaron really wants is to have several hive, if you will.

So I said, maybe.

But just looking at somebody else have a baby, it's very sweet.

And it gives me a feeling.

Look, here I am, Michelle Lally, having an emotion.

Look at me.

I am emoting right now.

Yeah, Michelle, we all know what Aaron wants, and it is a bag of Coke.

Okay.

I don't, Michelle's like, look at me.

It is my era of better decisions.

You're considering have a baby with a man who has an entire honey line based off of cocaine terminology and named his dog Kilo.

Okay.

Oh, rethink.

Now, does that mean parents can't do Coke?

Of course not.

If there are parents out there doing Coke, you guys, you go for it.

But listen, this is your second go-round.

Aim higher, Michelle, for fuck's sake.

Aim higher than someone who looks like they just stumbled into a road and was about to get run over

like we've all seen that movie we've all seen the movie the guy running away from someone and then they step into the road and they're like and they get run over like that's his face his face is like he has headlights in his face yeah not even a deer in the headlights it's just a so they're catching up and brittany's like well it's just been disaster after disaster

james who said me off you guys be real proud of me i told him off i'll let him have it brittany you've been letting him have it for years you'll be back together within a year.

Yeah.

Well, I was like, I'm good.

Do you think she will?

I hope she doesn't.

I hope that.

I'm not going to predict that.

I'm going to take that back and hope better for Brittany.

I'm going to give it two years.

So Brittany is like, well, I was going, I was like, I'm going to expect you to start paying for half a cruise dollar doctor meals and then stuff like that.

And then he freaked out at me and was like, well, I'm going to go after Ali Money.

And I was like, I don't even know who Allie is.

And why does her, do I?

Well, I know Allie Larder.

She's cool.

She's a nice actress, but Allie Money don't know her.

Anyway, I'll win you because I'm going to make you, because you make more money than me.

That's what he said.

And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Wow, I really had him.

Really rang him new one.

Well, yeah, you'd like to make more money because a cocaine addiction is expensive.

So I suggest you give that up.

Cocaine, right, everybody?

Michelle's like, I can get you a Vamilee discount.

Ever since I had Chris,

I've always been able to protect and make sure there was nothing around.

So now that our Satan's getting older, like, you shouldn't be doing this this after you have a child or whatsoever i'm like well maybe you shouldn't also be on this show but that's another issue

so yeah i mean

just get away from jax just block jax and stop taking jax's calls because at this point it's just that man is dangerous oh my gosh speak only through a mediator yeah yes um and especially the one that you found because i love that lawyer what was her name like nas nas

i love her boy what tell me you need to go you need to go right now uh So Brittany's like, yeah, I ain't letting Cruz go over there anytime soon.

He's a bachelor pie.

I feel like there's nasty girls there.

And until the divorce is finalized, we have like drug testing rules in place.

I don't feel comfortable with Cruz going over there.

And Lala's like, and he's okay with that.

And she's like, yeah, I mean, he doesn't really have a choice.

So

they're all like, yeah, we got him by the balls.

Yeah, so now they talk about the Hawaii trip.

And Janet's like, well,

I mean, Hawaii, that was rough and britney's like yeah well i had a fun time but they don't like you janet oh they got her hurting

who's they

and janet's like kristen and luke's and so uh yeah this she's janet's like she called me a whore

wow janet so that seems like a little bit of a horsey based based on

i'm sorry i interrupted i'm assuming it's during one of mariposa's um you know mid-cruise you know flip outs like i will not let you go after nia and danny the most wonderful people on planet earth you are not allowed to um i thought it's probably calling her a whore

i'm sure i don't i don't remember either but i also like that it's i would not be surprised if it like never made it to air or if it did make it to air and it did not i did not keep it in my brain i wouldn't be surprised either but i also wouldn't be surprised if janet's just making that shit up because it's janet well our note-taker also did not remember and uh shelby wrote that she said she went back and looked looked it up in previous notes.

And that was not in the show if it happened.

So

it looks like Janet might be fabricating because we will take Shelby's word over Janet's any day.

Yeah.

So Janet's like, she threatened to beat me up and my baby.

She threatened to murder a baby, a baby.

She called my baby a whore and threatened to beat it up.

And she called me a fan.

And Lala's like, well, I mean, you know, broken clocks, et cetera.

And Michelle's like, I was like, hold on, everybody.

I was like, galma down.

I also don't remember that happening.

Michelle Lally, the great mediator.

Everyone, calm down.

I think maybe you were telling that to your boyfriend whose eyes were like bugging out.

Oh, Jenna's like, yeah.

And I was like, okay, Kristen, I would love for you to hit me.

I would love nothing more than for jail to take away your engagement ring for the night.

By the way, you can't take away mine because it's sewn on.

I sewed it on.

I have Jason's ring nailed to his fucking bones.

If he ever takes that off, he's going to lose his finger.

I machine gun Kelly that shit onto his.

Anyway, I was like, I would love for you to look at your ring and only think of me in prison.

The prison you go to when you call people a whore.

By the way, Lala, do you mind signing my ring real quick?

Thanks.

So Lala's like, yeah, y'all's group is messy.

I'm like,

you're the one who's trying to get on the show, Lala.

So Michelle's like, yeah, feels very crazy to me, like every day.

No, I tried, Janet.

Here's Janet's big moment.

I tried.

I really did this summer.

I included her, Kristen.

And what did it get me?

Where did it get me?

Rumors about my husband, my husband.

And I hope every time she looks at that ring, she sees a reflection of me.

I'm like, okay, like, this is like, you're trying to do something for the Lannis Morissette moment.

Like, and every time you scratch your nails on someone else's back, I hope you feel my Dave and Buster's tickets.

I hope you do.

I invited her to Dave

and Buster's Dave and Buster's in Carson City.

And she could treat me like this.

That's the best location of the Dave and Buster.

You had to drive two hours in the sun.

How could she threaten to murder my whore baby?

I want you to know that I'm happy for you.

I want nothing more than you to go to jail for one night and have your ring taken away from you for one single day.

I am screenshotting this because I don't want to show the date or whatever because I don't want people to show up.

But

a friend of ours is going to Janet's birthday party this year.

She's friends with Janet.

I don't want to mess this up.

Hold on.

Let me.

Let me.

Let me change the orientation of this so I can show it on the screen.

I don't know why I find this so fucking funny.

I just do.

It's just so Janet, this birthday invitation.

Okay, I took out the date, everybody.

Sorry for the wait, but this is Janet.

Come celebrate Janet's birthday the literal only way she knows how.

Dave

and Busters, everybody.

That's my thing.

I'm a wacky person.

I go to Dave and Busters and it says cocktail attire encouraged because Dave and Busters can be fancy too.

You conjure it.

Okay, everybody.

Dave and Busters money.

Get ready.

Get ready for that Dave and Busters time at Janet.

All the threes of you just batting down the hatches to get to that to crash janet's party

i know i wonder how many people we're going to get begging for the date just begging for the date and if you bring your gay friend you can get jason getting extra aggro to him so um

so then

who is about dave and busters though she did she is moving up in the david dave and busters world um well remember beyonce did a dave and busters birthday party don't forget so i mean i hate to drag Beyonce into this, but as long as

you're in the beehives, what'd you say?

Who did it first?

Beyonce.

Well, there you go.

So now we go to Jax's condo, and Luke and Jason are there.

And I love these shots of Jason's condo.

A lot of reasons, because first, it's four stories.

Okay.

They have to go to the fourth story to go outside.

And they're all hopping and puffing.

And Jack's like, look at it.

I can't believe Jax can even do it with his limited nasal strength.

But God bless him.

He makes it to the top.

And then the other reason I love it is because the first thing the editors do is show a plane flying overhead, which is the James Kennedy treatment.

And I just thought that was so sweet.

It's like that southwest plane, like it's just like

when that shows up, that is like a David Lynch detail.

That's like, this is the sign of Bob coming to possess like someone, you know, like, like, this is like the, this is the sign of there's danger in this home.

There's an abuser in this home.

Beware.

Because, yeah, we see that plane.

But also, like, seriously, it really is just a post-production's way of saying, like, yeah, this guy thinks he has it made, but he lives under an airport.

He lives under a flight pattern right now.

And he will never be happy.

He will never find the piece that he's looking for.

I think your first take was good.

I think production's like, abuser, an abuser lives here because everyone else lives in the valley and they don't get that.

And trust me, we all have the planes in the valley.

We all have them.

We had a party over here for Watch What Crappens after our tour.

And people were, you know, a bunch of Bravo commentators and stuff were here.

And planes, when a plane would fly overhead, everyone would be like, oh my God, it's like James Kennedy's house.

You know,

like a Bravo thing at this point.

But it also is just like, that's them trolling because like, it's them saying,

look at this cheap ass place that they live in.

Because yes, you're right.

Everyone in the valley lives under, essentially under the Burbank airport flight path.

But to highlight that there's a plane over your place, it means the suggestion is, yeah, you think you're living at large, large, but we all know you live close to that airport because that's what you could afford, you know, and

like whether or not that's true, that's what they've decided, the narrative that they're going to push on this show.

And I think it's a wonderful, good job, post-performance.

He's like, look, everybody,

my place is, you know, it's decorated.

You know, it's finally decorated.

So you're going to have people over.

It's like a used condom over a lamp.

Like, nice job.

The chip and Joanna's do this.

Like, damn.

What task rabbit?

Maybe I should call it a Tisk rabbit.

What task rabbit came in and decorated this place?

Just like random, like sports memorabilia on the wall and like the

room, Cruz's room with like the kids stuff.

I was like, Jax, 100% did not do any of this stuff.

I want to know who was commissioned to do this.

There's still wood art on the wall, like word art.

It's just a big plank of wood that says come.

Come as you are.

Yeah.

So Jax is like, yeah, you know, I don't want to call it a bachelor pad, but you know, I mean, I guess it's a bachelor pad.

So yeah, it's a bachelor pad.

So he's showing everyone Cruz's room, and he's like, yeah, I gave him the big room.

No, you didn't.

That's not the big room.

That's a tiny little room.

Don't tell me that you gave.

I hate Jax.

Can Jax just be done now?

I mean, he is done, right?

Well, he will be, but you have to sit through three more weeks of this.

So then, yeah, he's like, yeah, I just, my main thing is like, how good can this be for Cruz?

Like, what is the best environment for my little boy?

How many flights of stairs can he fall down while I'm up on the roof drinking beers?

I was thinking about his cruise, which is why I got a four-story house.

I just want to know, like, what is the best place for my son?

And I thought, you know what?

Many staircases, no yard.

Perfect.

Yeah.

And he's like, look, I even got a beautiful rooftop.

It overlooks the city.

It overlooks apartments.

And it's next to Schwartz's place, you know?

So you were, and I got my best friend next to me close to me to help.

Doing great.

we don't need to see this show's version of wilson in the form of schwartz who can't even do the wilson right because we see his full face like we like that is not a value add to be like oh yeah and i have i share a fence with with tom schwartz yeah that's like literally that's like the part on house hunters where they put an x like this is the downside like well it's close to work easy to commute close to center of town but I do share a fence with Tom Schwartz.

Like, come on, I think we have to cross that house off the list.

You know, I just, I want to be close close to town, but I also really need to have a fence where there's someone that can just say this occasionally.

Women, am I right?

Well, even though the house is 35 minutes from work and does not have electricity, is not furnished, and is $250,000 over budget, I really like that it's not attached to Schwartz.

So we're going to go for that one.

So he's telling everybody, yeah, you know, like I'm at my house the other day, Bertie's yelling and screaming at me, you know, and she's like literally texting me every day since, like, talking to me about the house, talking to me about like what flowers she's putting in, you know, like one day you're hot, the next day you're cold.

Like, what do you want me to do?

Like, you don't want me to be around?

Then fine.

Stop texting me every fucking day.

Okay, then, like, pay her what you owe her.

And, like, do what you're supposed to do.

So she doesn't have to text you and say, hey, Diex, I found a kilo buried under some flowers.

Since it's yours, you better get away from my baby.

You better get away from my chicken wing over here.

It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a Krappens commercial.

Why drop a fortune on basics when you don't have to?

Quince has the good stuff.

High-quality fabrics, classic fits, and lightweight layers for warm weather, all at prices that make sense.

Quince has closet staples you'll want to reach for over and over, like cozy cashmere, cotton sweaters from just 50 bucks, and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners.

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

We've been talking about Quince for a long time.

We both love it.

I love online shopping, and Quince is the most fashionable destination I use for sure.

I've got a beautiful suede jacket that I got from Quince.

I get compliments on it every single time I wear it.

I actually currently have a Mongolian Cashmere Henley sweater in my shopping bag, and I'm about to hit purchase as soon as we're done recording this very ad.

Keep it classic and cool with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com slash crappins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e dot com slash crappins to get free shipping and 365 day returns, quince.com slash crappins.

Sometimes work is so intense.

There's so much for us to do.

There's so much for us to recap that I actually get very stressed out.

And thankfully, I have therapy to turn to.

And I think it's really, really important.

I call it a mind massage.

I love therapy.

It helps me out so much.

Finding a therapist is hard enough, but finding one who actually takes your insurance, that's where most online therapy platforms fall short.

Many don't work with insurance at all, which means you're stuck paying the full cost out of pocket or paying for an expensive monthly subscription.

Rula does things differently.

They partner with over 100 insurance plans, making the average copay just $15 per session.

That's real therapy from licensed professionals at a price that actually makes sense.

Rula considers your goals, your preferences, and background to provide you with a curated list of licensed in-network therapists who are actually aligned with what you need.

Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance.

Visit rula.com/slash crap ins to get started.

After you sign up, you'll be asked how you heard about them.

Please support our show and let them know we sent you.

That's r-u-l-a.com/slash/krappins.

You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.

So, Jason's like, um, so would you say that she's uh breadcrumbing you?

Yeah, I've been reading BuzzFeed.

I know breadcrumbing is, uh, you think she's breadcrumbing you?

And he's like, that's exactly what it is.

She's breadcrumbing me.

I'm like, she's literally not breadcrumbing you.

Like, breadcrumbing is, I think, a dating term, right?

Isn't that like when you are like, you're leading someone on that they like, this is just, this is just Brittany being messy.

Jax is the breadcrumber, but Jax has the loaf.

He has the loaf of of the shitty, stale sourdough that he's scattering across the valley for everyone.

And then he's snorting it up himself.

He can't even do Hansel and Gretel correctly.

Yeah, he can't be breadcrumbed because he just snorted them up.

You know, his body has probably learned to metabolize that shit.

Yeah.

So, and also, Jason, shut the fuck up, Jason.

Over here, like turning it around, trying to stand up for this abusive piece of shit.

Is she breadcrumbing you?

Yeah, everybody wants Jason back.

Everybody needs Jax Couchy back, Jason.

I just,

here's here's the thing that really bothers me with Jason.

And this is where, like, this is one of our listeners brought this up on Crappy Hour.

And I really have not been able to get it out of my mind, which is that

Jason and Janet are very righteous about Danny technically performing sexual assault.

And yet they seem to not be so technical about Jax and

well, yeah, that's what we've been saying for the whole year.

I mean, what the hell?

He's like, their morals are like, oh my God, we're so outraged at the butt grab, but you're fine with your abusive piece of shit, friend.

And now it's now making making turning it around and making it sound like britney britney's with him

loser loser behavior jason

yeah um so uh yeah jax is saying that he's like baby proofing because he's gonna make he wants britney to feel comfortable to have crews in this uh mc escher townhouse and so uh you know jesse's like uh maybe well luke has proposed that jax install a universal camera that they can all watch the baby with not a range please do not get a a name brand camera.

I don't want her to be offended.

This needs to be universal.

Okay.

Just get some knockoff Amazon shit.

No, I think it literally is like, let's hit up the people, our partners at NBC Universal and see if they've got a camera.

So then Jesse's like, also baby gates.

Jesse's like, I'm just going to put this one out here.

Maybe she'll feel more comfortable if you put some baby gates in front of one of your many staircases that your child could fall down.

He's like, yeah, yeah, baby gates.

Baby gates.

And Luke's like, well, it's just a test.

Like, I think she's more concerned about your your lifestyle, you know?

Like, you have to prove to her you're not partying.

You're not, like, doing extracurricular with random girls up here.

He's like, I would never come up with you or with a girl.

Like, what?

What?

What?

What?

What?

With him?

Like, and I expect the same from her.

Like, what?

Me?

Girls?

Him in the same room?

Jax, you know, like goes to the fucking playground with the baby just to hit on moms.

Yeah, he's that one.

He's that one.

So Luke's like, by the way,

so it seems like you've got some sort of problem with Danny.

Like, what's your problem?

It's just between you two.

Like, what's going on?

Like, where'd this come from?

And Jax is like, yeah, well, I missed half the season, so I need to pick a fight with someone.

So I've decided Danny is the easy target, you know?

I mean, in my opinion, I'm allowed to have my opinion.

I mean, Nia called me.

No joke, not an exaggeration.

Literally, I don't even know what you're going to say.

I already know it's an exaggeration.

She's called me at least five times, screaming and yelling, throwing things.

She lit her house on fire.

She was so mad.

No exaggeration saying, you know, because, oh, your husband is drunk and can't even walk out of the bar because I've called her and told her that.

And so she comes in.

It's like, Danny, I told you not to act like this.

This is how we know that Jax is lying because Nia would never say, Danny, I told you not to act like this.

She would say, Daniel, don't do that.

Daniel, Daniel, protect your peace.

Daniel, where's your peace?

Hey, bartender, can I please have an order of Daniel's peace?

Daniel, shoot this.

Shoot it, Daniel.

So, yeah, he's going, he's ranting and raving.

And he's like, I can't have him over here because I have alcohol.

He can't be around alcohol.

He's an alcoholic.

My partners had to drag him out, they had to drag him out of the bar.

He's just so, so drunk, you know.

And he's like, Yeah, you know, and then like he's fucking feeling girls up in my bar.

I mean, at my bar, feeling girls up.

And my first

bar is there.

Isn't the bar there for you and your friends to feel up girls?

It's like the poorest version of Epstein's plane.

That

bar.

It's just like a place for Jax to feel to feel up.

Jax and his old, weird partner friends who are now going to follow him around, I guess, for every scene to feel up like young new girls, like starstruck in LA, you know?

I mean, I do believe that Danny was kicked out of that bar, but I don't think Jax needs to be the messenger of this.

I think Jax is just in no place to suddenly take a moral high ground about this at all.

So Jason's like, I mean, I think that like part of Jack, what's getting Jax worked up about Danny is the fact that Jax has made mistakes.

And when he makes mistakes, those mistakes are discussed amongst the entire group.

And, like, meanwhile, Danny makes mistakes.

And if anyone calls him out, they get attacked, especially if you call them out for sexual assault.

So it's understandable, though, why he'd be frustrated.

Oh, yeah, Jason.

Nobody's called Danny out.

You guys have made sure that Danny is called out in every single episode.

And now, look, he's using Janet-coded language.

He's like, you get attacked.

You get attacked if you even call one person out.

Yeah, I mean, look, Danny is no angel.

And I do think that he has gotten a very friendly edit because despite everything, everyone's really still on his side.

But like, I think

I still think there's

a lot of default.

I think he's gotten an edit that's shown him showing up and apologizing, which is something that we don't really see from Jax ever.

And he does apologize multiple times.

They've dragged him across the coals for this multiple times.

He's apologized multiple times

no he's gotten a friendly edit i think he's gotten a friendly edit in this sense yes he has apologized but they could have really edited this season to be like we're all concerned about danny what's going on with danny they could have really made him look like he had a big big big big big problem and they they did not focus on that and that's okay i mean maybe that also wasn't there to focus on but like um i think that i think

Danny, I mean, Danny clearly has stuff going on.

Like, he got thrown out of the bar.

Even if it was Jax, he got thrown in the bar.

He groped up to his cast members.

Like, he's

sneaking drinks in on camera.

Like, he made comments about, like,

these girls.

I got weakness for blonde because, I mean, it's like all right.

He did it.

But there are such worse things.

He did that.

No one heard him do that.

Well, but either way, it still could have

been a whole big friendly edit.

They're fucking full of shit with Danny, this whole thing.

They did do the whole thing that you're talking about, where they're like, Danny has a problem.

You guys would if Danny is.

They've been doing it the the whole season.

It's been all edited in there.

The only difference is Danny has handled it well and he's apologized and went to fucking therapy over it.

I mean, for Christ's sake, that's something you don't see from Jax.

I mean, he'd handled it better than Jax for sure.

But like, I still think it was, it was, it was, I'm not saying it was covered up and I'm not saying it was minimized.

I'm just saying.

I think the focus of the show is on, they've got bigger fish to fry.

And I think that Danny, like, it's like other reality shows, like, this would have been really, really front and center.

Like, Danny's stuff would have been really front and center and it hasn't been.

So that's where I think it's been friendly and that likely been the only plot line this whole season.

So, I mean, I think it's been front and center.

I think the difference is you've got a cokehead who's abusive and threw a table at his wife to give her a black fucking leg and had to be dragged off by production to some mental facility who's still going off and attacking people and trying to get controls of the camera and sending abusive texts, rage texts, and stalking this woman on national TV.

And Jason's sitting here supporting that, but they're all fine with making Danny sound like this fall-down alcoholic who needs to be locked away.

It's just so fucking hypocritical and gross.

I mean, it's not that Danny, Danny, of course, Danny was disgusting for what he did, getting wasted and feeling up his friends.

Like, that's horrible.

But the guy apologizing with therapy, I just don't see, I just don't, I can't even

disgusting because they're not even, I know, I'm just not even bringing up Jax.

Like, Jax is fine.

They're like, get a camera and some baby gates.

It'll be fine.

But Danny, they're like, cart him away burn him at the stake break his legs off

i'm and i just want to clarify i'm not saying that jax is like right on this i'm just saying that like danny i definitely i think that danny

on another season where you didn't have someone as monstrous as jax

i think bravo sure as hell would have had Like Danny would have been, it would have been even more centered.

He would have been first seed at that reunion.

I'm telling you, I think we have monsters like Jax.

And Jax is, Jax knows he's the monster, which is why he's trying to push the attention onto Danny, by the way.

So I'm not condoning anything Jax is saying.

I'm just saying that like, I think Danny's pretty lucky, to be honest, because I think that like there are bigger boogeymen on this show, deservedly so.

And while Jax may be trying to put it all back onto Danny, but it's like, no, Jax, you are really the problem here.

Yeah, but no one says that.

No, no one does.

That's what's

joke about it in their confessionals.

But that's what puts it into like a hard, hard place to even talk about it because it's like, oh, standing up for Danny.

It's not standing up for what Danny did.

That's crazy.

I would never do that.

It's just the show makes you so fucking crazy because it lets Jax come in and gaslight everybody and the audience.

And then the cast just stands around and says nothing.

Nobody says anything except maybe step away, Jax.

You know, Kristen steps in and makes him step away at least.

But geez.

But I also would have liked, honestly, jumping forward to that moment, I would have liked Kristen to have come with, come at Jax the way she came at Janet.

I felt like that, like she, like, she was

when, when Janet was hurling accusations in Hawaii, Kristen was like fiery.

She was like, absolutely not.

But when Jax did it, she was like, okay, step away.

She was almost like considerate.

Like, you've had too much.

You're being too angry right now.

And I'm like, Kristen, you should look into Jax the same way too.

You know, well, you're not friends differently than you treat,

you know, well, she shouldn't be friends with Jackson.

You know, people that you hate and that are like trying to like come after you for two years in a row

yeah well i don't think i think that speaks to another flaw which is that like

she should also she should be divorcing jax the way she divorced janet too if you ask me personally yeah well yeah so anyway so uh there just luke jax is on this ridiculous tarot about about danny and everything And Luke is saying that Danny hasn't had a drink in three weeks and didn't drink at all in Hawaii.

And Schwartz is like, well, because Jax's like, Well, I don't believe that, and Schwartz is like, Well, you know what?

He's putting in the work, you know.

Do you understand that concept?

Jax is like, I don't understand what that means to put in the work, I only understand symbolic gestures.

Yeah, yeah,

uh, and Jack's like, Yeah, you believe that, you believe that, and he's like, Absolutely,

and they're like, Why wouldn't you believe it, Jax?

And he's like, I'm allowed to have my opinion, I'm allowed to have my opinion, you know, with the bottom.

I'm not allowed to have my opinion.

So, you know, we had we see a flashback to Luke and Danny at lunch because Luke says that, you know, Danny knows that the guys also had some beers in Jack's back or someone's backyard a few days ago.

And, you know, Danny wasn't invited.

And so

we see a flashback to Luke talking with Danny and he's like, hey, I noticed you didn't drink in Hawaii.

He's like, yeah, I haven't had, I haven't drank in a few weeks.

I mean, it's been

four weeks under

four sobriety moments.

I haven't really worked that one out yet, but I'm still working on that phrase.

I'm going to use this downtime to really come up with a good, good singer there.

So they're like, why aren't you including him?

And he's like, okay, okay, okay.

Because we see another guy's dinner where Danny wasn't included.

And they were like, hey, where's Danny?

And Jack's like, oh, probably drinking somewhere.

Probably drinking somewhere.

And so

Jax is like, yeah, you know what?

Like, we all fuck up.

But, you know, like, I tell you,

you got to take accountability like me.

You know, like, don't preach onto others like when you're doing it.

Okay.

Like, he's preaching to me, but like, he's just as bad as me no no one his wife has not shown up anywhere with bruises

jax has literally taken no accountability that's been sincere he has jax is the master of

figuring out what is the right thing to say but we've seen his actions do not take any accountability the rage texting negates any sort of progress he claims he made like that was his that was his biggest mistake to all this you know he's usually pretty slick about being able to like win people back but like britain well britney exposed him because she's protected him for a long time, but the fact that he was rage-testing her through all of his quote-unquote therapy in this whatever rehab it was at the Denny's, I'm sorry, like you have not had any healing.

And everything you've said since then has still been about like, but what about me?

Why is, why do, why don't, why is it so bad for me?

Because I do think that like there's actually a shred of truth to what Jason said, which is that Jax.

you know, all his shit gets discussed.

Every time he does something wrong, it gets discussed and torn apart by everyone, whereas Danny doesn't.

But there's a reason for that.

And the reason is that like, Jax has been doing this for so long.

This is basically Danny's first time at the rodeo.

Jax has been wronging people for a decade, over a decade, on this show alone, as opposed to everything that's beyond that.

And Jax

proof that he's not taking accountability is the fact that he can't just sit and allow people to tear apart the shit that he did.

He has to then deflect onto someone like Danny instead.

So it just shows he has not healed at all.

I mean, I don't know why I'm trying to litigate this point when it's like literally the most obvious point in all of the, like all of

like humanity right now is that jax is not taking much accountability yeah so um then we go to jesse's and um he's wearing his hat that says lolly estates i love all the hats on this show for businesses that are like soon to be defunct yeah so uh jesse puts his dog malibu in isabella's bed and uh he's like god dog might as well sleep in isabella's bed since uh isabella's never here anymore

now jesse this was only a two-year reality star and you got to hand it to jesse He knows how to play this game.

I mean, he shows up in the last episode.

He's like, I'm, you know what?

Who called their wife a whore?

Who, who told everybody multiple times that his wife was a high-priced hooker?

Not this guy.

This guy's crying, guys.

This guy's crying.

Let's stand by for Jesse tears.

Yeah, those, I mean, those narcissists, they really know how to do it.

I mean, I wish Alexia were here to really say something to him because

I'm not a narcissist because I'm an empath.

We need to get her self-help expert

out there to be like, the number one thing a narcissist does is talk about himself.

There'll be $5,000 for that

information.

Someone just sent me a clip of this guy, the guy from the narcissist party on Real Houses of Miami, for those of you who don't watch, they had this big party for narcissist.

And he was like the group leader of this party.

And he's like, all right, everybody, let's talk narcissism.

So someone sent me a a clip of him hiking.

And he goes, look here, everybody.

Look here what I found.

It's a little mail slot with a journal in it.

And inside of the journal, you've got many people writing things.

So many languages here.

You've got English, Spanish, Chinese, Arabic, so many things.

Now, of course, this shows that we're all from the same place.

At the end of the day, we fight about politics.

but we're all people who just write in little books that we find while we're hiking.

Now, I can't read the Chinese and the Arabic, but I'm guessing it's all very nice things.

We're good people at heart.

I was like, shut the fuck up, bro.

Like, the only reason I'm watching this is because you don't have your shirt on right now.

Please never put your shirt on.

And when you've got it off, don't talk.

Okay.

Speak with your chest.

Well, the hilarious part about that guy's Instagram is that it's all just close-up images of his face and then like then like an occasional shirtless photo and some quotes that he came up with himself.

And he is trying to preach against narcissism when his Instagram is purely for self-promotion and like only showing him and showing no other parts of his life except his face.

I'm like, okay, sir.

Thanks for thanks.

Thanks for really like proving your point there.

The anti-narcissist who built an Instagram on his chest.

I'm like, yes, this is this world.

I can't.

Commercials.

Here comes one right now.

You already know we love virgin voyages.

This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.

We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included.

No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

The destinations are amazing too.

Some highlights Aruba, St.

Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, The Med.

Oh my God, the boats are beautiful.

They're so modern.

The rooms are just so luxurious.

I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.

I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.

That makes me so happy.

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.

Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Searching for a romantic summer getaway?

Escape with Rich Girl Summer, the new Audible Original from Lily Chew.

The exquisitely talented Philippa Sue returning to narrate her fifth Lily Chu title.

This time, Philippa is joined by her real-life husband, Steven Pasquale from Rescue Me and American Son.

Set in Toronto's wealthy cottage country, aka the Hamptons of Canada, Rich Girl Summer follows the story of Valerie, a down-on-her-luck event planner posing as a socialite's long-lost daughter while piecing together the secrets surrounding a mysterious family and falling deeper and deeper in love with the impossibly hard-to-read and infuriatingly handsome family assistant, Nico.

Caught between pretending to belong and unexpectedly finding where she truly fits in, Valerie learns her summer is about to get far more complicated than she ever planned.

She's in over her head and head over heels.

Fake heiress, real secrets.

Listen to Rich Girl Summer now on Audible.

Go to audible.com/slash rich girlsummer.

So, Jesse's talking about how, you know, there was so much resolution in Hawaii, guys.

And, you know,

he talked to Michelle and he said, Michelle, look at me.

Aaron told me last night that he said he was in love with you.

And I said, I'm happy for you.

So I'm a good person now.

I'm a basically a good person now.

Thank you.

Thank you, everybody.

Yeah.

Come on over, Michelle.

So Michelle comes over and he's like, how you doing?

I am okay.

Okay.

Well, how'd you feel about our trip together?

She goes, well, I feel all right.

I'm glad that you finally had the conversation with Aaron that you've been stressing about.

Yeah,

I really wanted to know how he's able to have that hairstyle without a big dent in the back.

And he told me it's a product.

I didn't know about this, but you can put stuff in your hair to get rid of dents and little

recesses.

So that was good to know about.

I feel like my life has changed.

Okay, well, now I can see a point one day where we can all hang out together.

Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, just chisel off a little bit of resentment and I'll chisel off a little bit of irrationality and then we can build on that foundation.

Because I'm a good person now.

Jesse Lolly.

Good person.

Thank you.

Well, because he does this whole monologue where he's like,

Michelle, I just want you to know that

my

bro coach.

wrote me a little script and here's how it goes.

This divorce is not your fault.

It's both of our faults and mainly mine.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

Stop doing goodwill hunting to me again.

How do you like these apples?

Okay, I know what you're getting at here.

How do you enjoy them apples, Jesse?

Jeez.

He's like, we were both trying to one-up each other.

And I think whatever power I have, whatever power I have left, I...

I'm crying.

I give it to you.

I give you my power to do with whatever you'd like.

Say whatever you want.

Because I'm just so tired of this, Michelle.

I'm so tired of this.

Calling you a whore and you getting mad.

I don't care who's wrong or right.

I don't want to fight no more.

It's time for letting go.

Okay, stop Tina Turnering me.

We don't need another hero, Michelle.

We don't need to know the way home.

All we shall is one another.

The thunderdome.

Okay, you are going backwards, Jesse.

I'm your private dancer.

Dancer for money.

I'll be who you want me to be.

Please don't stop doing that.

Please, no.

In that case, now that you are a good birdson, I would like to invite you to my Zen party at Yamajiro Restaurant, the tourist drop of the hills.

He's like, well, a Zen party.

That sounds interesting.

Yes, a Zen party.

And then we see like kaleidoscoping stuff, which is funny because that has nothing to do with Zen, I don't think, but whatever.

And she's...

Jesse's reaction is really funny because he's like, a Zen party?

What's that?

Weren't you the one who just tried to fix all of your problems by going to an ayahuasca retreat in the desert for three weeks?

You should be a little bit more familiar with these tropes, Jess.

We were the one who watched your life coach put his hand on everyone's chest and like, what was that?

Like release and catch, catch and release.

I don't know what they're that.

Like you you are new agents.

Okay, don't act.

Only people who understand men are men, bro.

Yeah.

Part of the man is of your Joe Rogan is a king.

So Michelle is like,

she's just saying that she just wants a Zen party, just some Zen energy, right?

Yeah.

It's been a rough year for her.

And he's like, well, should I wear my ayahuasca beanie?

And she's like, I threw it away because he lost it at the chateau and it didn't turn up at the lost found.

And that they didn't cut to a picture of Rob Reiner wearing that ayahuasca beanie.

I mean, what a waste, what a waste in the editor's room.

The fact that this man wore that beanie to Chateau Marmont and had no shame about it, that was not lost, it was confiscated.

I'm going to say that right now.

Someone at the chateau was like, listen, we host a lot of douchebags at this place, but even this has taken it too far.

Okay.

We had Quentin Tarantino sucking on a hostess's toe last week while eating Captain Crunch out of the bag.

Okay.

But this is too far.

Yeah.

Too far.

So

we go over to Brittany's house and she's putting out a new door.

I got a new door back.

Oh, yeah, it says the cart rots.

I knew whenever I moved back into this house, I had to take Jackson Blee out of it and I had to make it my own because this is my house now.

So you know what?

He's getting taken off the mortgage.

He's getting taken off the deed.

He's getting taken off of everything except for, hmm.

I don't know.

I'm going to keep this photo up.

I don't keep this wall up.

I'm going to do all this.

But whatever.

If I want a guy to come over, they don't don't need to see Jax Taylor everywhere in my house.

Okay.

I'm, you know, look, Brittany, it's so hard for me to believe that Brittany's not a moron, but

did she just really take over this mortgage that has $1.2 million of Jax Taylor debt on it?

How stupid are you?

Like,

what?

Why would you do that?

That sounds idiotic.

Is there something I'm missing where he paid off like the $1.2 million that added to that house?

Because it sounds like she just took on all of his debt.

So, I'm not sure how judgy I should be over that because I don't know all the facts.

But

from where I'm sitting, this isn't the brightest move.

Okay, what are you doing there?

I wish I remember when she walked in, she put down that mat, and then she walked in.

And in her foyer, she had some sort of generic wall art up.

And I was going to write it down, and I forgot.

And I wish I had because it was so Brittany.

It said something like foyer.

It was like foyer,

welcome to the foyer where the foyer's happening.

I was like, Why did you buy this piece of wall art?

Why?

So Kristen comes and they talk about Kristen going to her appointment, about birthing, you know, about having a baby.

And basically they took Luke's sperm and Luke, you know, which I feel like it's like this with a lot of normal guys from normal places without crap in their water.

I mean, I don't know, but his sperm, he's got like 97 trillion sperm that are all like, yeah, they've all got little beards.

They're like, yeah, we know how to fix engines.

But Kristen, when she got her results back she just got all these prescriptions for shit and everything came with fertility warnings like you know this doesn't cover infertility your insurance doesn't cover infertility and so she's struggling with seeing the word infertile because she's being technically considered infertile because she hasn't been able to conceive in over a year but she's not They haven't told her she's infertile, but she's technically considered that.

And so she's dealing with the terminology of it.

And she's worried that she's not going to have a baby.

I'm worried that I'm going to sneeze on camera, which I just did.

But hopefully, I mean, thankfully it worked out better for Kristen than me.

And it's just sad, you know, she's freaking out about the baby.

Thankfully, we know now that she had one.

So it all worked out.

But yeah,

which is what actually is actually makes these scenes, which should be kind of actually very sad, are it's like they're really like nice scenes because we know that there's a happy ending, but you do feel for her.

And it's a, it's a very real journey that she's on.

I'm obviously, I'm not saying like, oh, that there's any question that this is faked.

I'm just saying that like, I'm, I, I feel like that's probably very relatable to a lot of people.

And I, I really,

I really appreciate her emotional honesty in these scenes.

Um, but it all works out.

So that's great.

So then we go over to a restaurant called Norma, which is a place where you can go to pretend like you're going to staff yachts, um, but eat food in the process.

And Benji and Zach are on a date.

And I'm so mad at this restaurant because they're like, we're going to seat you in the lounge.

And they seat them like in my nightmare thing, like chairs with like a low, like cap, not even like shin high coffee table.

No one wants to eat their whole meal off a table like that.

This place should rotten hell.

Rotten hell, Norma.

You're not the first person to see that.

So, yeah, and Zach's like, oh my God, they gave us menus, even though we already know what we want because we looked online.

It's hilarious.

That is hilarious did you guys get that in play that don't make me say anything later you got a clean tank

i love that i was like i love that these two like looked at the menu beforehand and already chose their food

they're like we are not gonna be slow on camera okay it's very rare that i get my own scene so we're not gonna waste it with ordering okay I love their waiter too.

He's like, hi, do you guys want to order something?

He's like, yeah, we're going to have a porn star.

That sounds delicious.

And then Benji's going to have the dirty dancing.

And he's like, oh, my God, gosh you guys are meant to be together

did you guys get that that on camera you need another taste

it's probably one of their friends let's be honest so um

zach is like so now it's been like three weeks since you moved in with me how are you feeling and benji's like well aside from the fact that the bottoms of my feet are permanently black because of all the shit you leave on the floor um i'm having a great time just i just don't look at my feet anymore just get used to it it's just i guess part of She's like, it's so nice to officially be here in your dirty house, missing my husband locally instead of missing him internationally.

So that's been really good.

Zach's like, well, it's just the beginning.

Like, we're going to go through next hurdles, you know, like the thing that happens on my birthday.

Wedding ring, wedding ring.

Oh, my God.

It's so great.

The Canadian court just deleted your divorce.

It just deleted it.

And he's like, yeah.

And she's all bummed.

And he's like, oh, my God, that's a great birthday present for me.

It's happening on my birthday.

Your divorce is being deleted on my birthday it's amazing we can get married now and she's like

yeah

yeah i'm really this is really sad benji says you know because with my ex he was the one who wanted the divorce i didn't want it i was really in love with him but then after a year and a half passed you were still there and so i don't know here we are porn star martinis am i right

yeah

this is great wow well i

you've been a really great rebound, Zach.

Oh my God.

I feel like that was, I think what you meant to say is we're going to be a forever couple, but um, sure.

Y'all, out with the old and with the new, am I right?

So, um, he's like, babe, I have a surprise for you.

I got Scrotox.

It's like, oh, I got for, I got excited for a moment because I thought you said you got Clorox for your floors, but you didn't.

No, okay, well, sure.

Okay.

Scrotox, great.

No, that's, that's Botox for your scrotum.

It's hilarious because it happened like six weeks ago and the audience has already been in love with the storyline.

You're just finding out, even though you have access to my scroats.

It's like, oh, are you serious?

Um, you haven't even said one thing.

It really hurt my feelings.

Did you notice no wrinkles down there?

Felt like a baby's bottom, but it was my ball.

Why would you do that?

I don't really do 311th on my nuts, and you didn't even say anything, Benji.

I got notification from Canada that they were proud of me before you even noticed he's like aren't you so excited that my ball sack no longer looks like the monster energy drink logo

it should look like my ex's nut sack damn it damn it bunji

so now they start talking about janet and he's like oh my god like she walked away after our showdown i'm surprised she didn't jump off that boat to get away

because that's like the only way and benji's like well she probably wanted to toss you off the boat

she's probably like jason jason toss him off oh wait that sounds sexual let's toss him off would you like to toss me off my screw talks balls just wondering and also it was like the most annoying thing that brittany can't see what janet's doing

yeah she just wants to like brush it off and i'm sick of that i'm gonna stand up to brittany now you know like brittany janet has treated me bad in the past and escalated things like me never say like acting like i would say horrible horrible things cut to zach at the end being like you dumb bitch i hope you're dying.

You're fire.

You stupid horse.

What?

Zach is like, basically, what he's saying is, I am so mad that Brittany didn't defend me when Kristen was yelling at Janet.

It's like, she didn't have to.

When, when Janet was saying those things about Danny, how come Brittany didn't stand up for me?

He's decided this is going to be his big fight in the season finale, and he's going to shoehorn it in there no matter what it takes.

It's going to work somehow.

I had to sit at a low table, and you didn't even defend me for the waiter.

Yeah.

Terrifying.

So

they decide he's going to confront her.

And Zach's like, yeah, you've got some caviar on your lap.

I'm just waiting for you to say that I'm gallant and amazing.

So you can say that now.

And he's like,

you're amazing.

Can I use your phone?

I really want to call my ex-husband.

And by the way, the caviar is meant to stay on the lips.

That way, when I TSE or smooth balls, it tastes a little bit better.

So

now um everyone is doing stuff around town everyone's doing things uh michelle is uh she's getting really excited for a dazien party hey aaron look at my two-piece outfit for the zian party and then we go to jesse's house and he's like

laying on the bed internally crying over is a bell ah and uh getting ready for the last hurrah this summer and then um but he does have isabella this time and he's like are you ready isabella are you ready for the last hurrah she's like last hurrah

and he starts to cry.

So we go to Danny Ania's and she's like, I have to get ready, Daniel.

Will you look after the kids while I do it?

And it's like, sure, I'll take care of all three of these kids while you get clammed up.

Sure, that's not going to come up again today.

Three under three, three under three.

So we go over to Brock and Janet.

Janet's getting her makeup done with Sheena.

And so Brock's like, oh, we'll do a lot of drink, Janet, from McCaulk.

We're getting over that cheating storyline, Brock.

Okay, could you please not right now?

Oh, my God.

I just thought I saw a Rubik's Cube.

It was a sugar cube.

I almost had trauma.

And Janice's like, I'm not going to drink because I can't be wasted around certain people because I will yell at them.

And Brock's like, you're not going to let certain people affect how you operate and live for you.

Maybe you should not let certain people at gyms affect how you operate.

in your life, sir.

Keep it in your pants, you piece of shit, Brock.

And I wish that somebody would yell at Brock for cheating, but I guess we don't get that until Sheena's hired full-time.

Yeah, no, that's, yeah, that'll be next season.

That was her,

I feel like that chapter reveal was kind of her way to say, hey, Bravo, would you like to talk?

Would you like me to talk about this on next season of the Valley?

Huh?

Yeah.

So now we go over to Yamashiro.

And what I love about this season finale scene is that everyone has to walk through a sea of tourists to get to their like roped off, like Bravo shooting zone.

I don't know if you noticed.

Every one one of them is like walking through all glamorous in their zen and you just see people just in like fanny packs and t-shirts sitting at high tops looking out of windows

that is yama shiro it's like going to uh republic bar and grill or whatever club in charleston with like the hottest club in charleston is republic and then you just see people in downtown bahama and flip-flops lined up outside Yeah, and it was weird because Michelle's like, yeah, growing up, we always gamed a Yama Giro, and my mother would dig our knives big jersey here.

I thought that so cute.

It's like, guys, let's go to that horse statue outside of the mall.

It's just such a fancy place to take pictures.

I mean, Yama Shiro is nice.

It's like

cute.

Well, that's why it's still there because it's so fucking beautiful.

I mean, it's on the top of the hill.

You see the whole city.

It is a beautiful, stunning location, but it is some shit food and it's really expensive.

Yeah.

And it's also, by the way, Not in the Valley.

They're doing their season finale in Not in the Valley, which I think is great.

The Bravo is like, we put our time in.

We're just, please let us have one scene that's on the other side of the hill please well jesse and michelle have always been very consistent with their brand being not the valley they're like no we're not valley people we will not play this game with you okay

i think it should have been in the valley because that's thematically appropriate and if they can't be in yamashiro because they're in the valley they could have it at like the they should have had it at the benihana where tori spelling fell on the flat top be like that would have made more sense do some incino if you're going to get fancy go to the encino benihana where she

add an element of danger.

Yeah, add an element of danger that

if this scene gets physical, someone could burn their arm, you know?

Yeah.

So people start arriving.

Brock has bleached hair.

It's a big thing.

Michelle has a big announcement.

She's like, everybody, welcome to Yama Jiro, where I game do Dagababy Biggers every year.

I love everybody.

And I also love grizzles.

They are very important to me.

And Aaron's just next to her.

Like, crystal is super important to me, too.

And so I got you all a grizzled, and it has very personalized messages like, look both ways before you cross the street, Brittany.

Or don't dip babies in Bougie's dressing, Britney.

I'm sorry, it was one time for little chicken plane.

How long were my chicken plane?

So,

so then Michelle's like, okay, everyone, if Jesse and I can get along, then I think everyone can get along.

Yeah, ha, yeah, which is funny because they wind up fighting by the end of the episode.

Yeah.

So Jax is like, I don't believe any of this shit.

I don't believe in stars.

I don't believe in astrology.

I don't believe in reading palms.

I don't believe any of that shit.

It's all garbage.

I don't really think anything can heal this group completely, to be honest.

I'm like, well,

thanks.

Yeah, I

would maybe be open to it, but...

But yeah, I mean, I don't think any of this stuff can, if none of this stuff has repelled Jax at this point, then maybe

he has a point.

None of this stuff really does work.

It's just so weird to see Jax so angry at a place who's getting free crystal.

Hello there.

This is a two-part recap, okay?

This is the end of part one.

So thank you so much for listening to this.

Just come back a little later for part two.

Watch what Crap-ins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

Ain't no thing like Allison King.

It's always a party on Allison Block.

Our way is the Amber Way.

It's the Foster and the Furious.

It's Amanda Foster.

She can run my country.

It's Angie McGovern.

It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela.

Itchles!

We never miss her call, it's Diane Call.

Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no tricholus.

Hava Nagila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

I go, Hugo, we all go for Hugo.

Jamie, she has no less namie.

She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.

Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Piston Anderson.

Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B.

K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino.

Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burg.

This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

She sure is swell.

It's Raquel.

Yes, we canna.

It's Savannah.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

And our super premium sponsors.

She's V V I P, it's Amanda V.

Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

It's our queen.

It's Queen Laifa.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.

Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door.

My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani.

The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop.

It's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.

It's your man, Nick Cannon, and I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at Night.

I've heard y'all been needing some advice in the love department.

So who better to help than yours truly?

Nah, I'm serious.

Every week, I'm bringing out some of my celebrity friends and the best experts in the business to answer your most intimate relationship questions.

Having problems with your man?

We got you.

Catching feelings for your sneaky link?

Let's make sure it's the real deal first.

Ready to bring toys into the bedroom?

Let's talk about it.

Consider this a non-judgment zone to ask your questions when it comes to sex and modern dating in relationships, friendships, situationships, and everything in between.

It's going to be sexy, freaky, messy, and you know what?

You'll just have to watch the show.

So don't be shy.

Join the conversation and head over to YouTube to watch Nick Cannon at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

Want to watch episodes early and ad-free?

Join Wondering Plus right now.