#2939 McBee Dynasty S02E04: Russian To Judgment

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Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to What Crappens.

I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben.

Hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

Good.

Welcome to McVeigh Dynasty Day, Ben.

Your favorite shows back on television this week.

How'd you feel about it?

You know what?

How did you feel about it?

I love it.

I think it's great.

I cracked up.

I cracked up.

I love the great chicken drama of 2025.

I'm in.

Macho versus Galena.

Galena coming in drunk to work.

And that crazy laugh that she has.

I love that psychopath.

Love her.

Well, very exciting times.

Just a heads up, we are doing Amazon Live.

I don't know when you're hearing this, but if you hear it in time or

if it already happened, well, go check out the replay.

We are on Amazon Live, our first ever foray into it.

We're going to have so much fun with it.

Can't wait to talk about all the fun recommendations.

We're going to just.

You know, it's us.

We're going to be, we're going to delete.

We're going to talk.

We're going to

drink

about what the kids say.

We will not be drunk like Galena.

We will be sober now.

I don't know.

It's at 5:30 p.m.

We can be drunk.

There's no logging.

Happy hour.

Also, just a shout out to Chelsea Devontes, Glamorous Trash.

I am on the latest episode talking about Sheena Shea's new autobiography called My Good Side.

So definitely go check out Glamorous Trash.

Thank you, Chelsea, for having me on.

I had such a fun time.

Lots of laughter.

Good times.

All right, let's jump into some McBee dynasty.

Last we saw McBee Dynasty.

They're just children.

They're just children.

Cala seemed to be riding off to greet her pastures back home, and then she came to find out poor Stephen had invited her of his gender reveal.

I mean, the whole deal is confusing to me at this point.

I mean, you're putting smoke outside a helicopter, and one is pink and one is blue.

We're going to confuse the geese down below.

What about the cows?

I mean, you're going to wind up hitting a combine into a combine.

If I know anything about hellman, what if that baby comes out identifying as a tractor?

What do you do then?

What's the color for that?

Previously, on McBee Dynasty, I learned how to make a flyer using Microsoft Red, and we got some good clip art out of it.

And I made up a good pun that said, Is it gonna be a MCHI, a Mick She, or a McTractor?

Say turned.

Meanwhile, yours truly here rolled out the welcome wagon for the new Russian in town, Masha.

And I ain't no weather girl, but I think there's a storm of brewing.

Someone made me do my life like this.

I just want Tessa to narrate my life.

And there Ronnie goes getting out of bed at 12 p.m., even though his dog got him up at 6 a.m., breeding some trashy teenager, young adult bullshit before he ten bagels in a row.

There he goes.

Good luck, children.

I think this show needs a lot more Tessa and a lot less Steven.

That's going to be my note.

Because Tessa is the most entertaining part of the whole.

Well, I mean, you could, Galena is probably the most entertaining part, but Tessa is like the one that I enjoy.

Like, she's actually the only person who I like, my heart like actually opens up a centimeter when I see her on screen.

And everyone else, I'm just like, oh.

But like.

Tessa, give us more Tessa.

Why do we only get her in these opening scenes here?

Yeah, I think it was very smart to make Tessa the narrator of this after Steve Sr.

left because she's keeping it together.

Well, someone made a mess of the lot, not to mention that hand house of her.

That's what I consider foul play.

Someone can explain that to me.

I don't really get that.

Why would a chicken be playing baseball?

So.

So,

Allie, she's at a place called The Fine Stitch.

She's trying on wedding dresses for her friends.

We're all named like Hallie, Callie, and Bally.

And then

Stephen Jr.,

he's everyone.

Guess what?

Harvest season's coming up.

So we're going to have a meeting.

So y'all, guess what?

We need to harvest.

Always be harvesting.

ABC, always be harvesting.

Stephen, there's no

C in harvest.

Oh, yeah, there is now because we're McBees and we put seeds in everything that we want.

Okay, when we want to do it, let's do it.

We're $6 million in debt.

It's a kickoff to the McHarvest.

All right.

McHarvest, McBee Farm, Harvest Harve.

Uh, he's like, Yeah, and Harvest is our Super Bowl.

Oh, okay.

Uh, I'm sure the Super Bowl is your Super Bowl because y'all have Super Bowl.

I mean, gay as kids say things like that, right?

Where we're like, Oh, yeah, you know, the Beyoncé concert, that's our Super Bowl because we're gay.

You guys already have your Super Bowl.

It's called the fucking Super Bowl, Steve.

Yeah, you have the Super Bowl.

You have it.

Although, I have the Super Bowl too, because I'm I love football.

So then, uh,

Calla is at her condo, and she's calling her mom to be like, I'm at the condo, ma'am.

And then we go to a truck.

I mean, at least shocking words said, recapping this show.

It's somewhat truck.

Seeing the baby?

We're going to the truck and it's Cole and Casey.

And Masha calls.

And Masha's like, hello, Cole, how are you?

And he's like, good.

Casey and I just heading into town right now.

She's like, oh, good.

Well, I just got to ranch and I really don't want to be here by myself.

So I don't know if you guys can meet me here, but I always hear that ranch goes well with cold cuts and you are a cole and I'm at ranch.

So I would really appreciate it.

Please come by.

No, I'm not coming over there.

You made your own bunny stew.

You fucking sit there and stew in it yourself.

I'm not going to go over there and clean up your crap.

Okay.

Have my dad do it, who you've been fucking cheating with.

Okay.

Have that asshole come over and do it.

I'm not doing that, Masha.

But it goes with Wes.

So he's like, oh, we're just coming to town now so we can be there in five to ten.

She's like, awesome.

Thank you so much, Cole.

Goodbye.

So he's nervous.

He doesn't want to go over there.

But they have to because he has to clean up all of his dad's bullshit because his dad has led him to believe that he could one day lead McHarvest Day at the McB Dynasty.

There you go.

So Casey's like, I really wish Galena would move on from the Steve and

Smash situation because Cole and I are already the ones who have to deal with it and go over and clean up the mess.

I'm like, okay, well, Casey's a real, she really comes alive on screen.

I'll tell you that much.

She really crackles that kid.

But you know, I feel for Casey the most because I feel like at least everybody else ends up with a hot guy, you know, and Casey has to do all this shit.

And she's just with the dumb one, you know?

Casey and the no sunshine bland.

Yeah.

So then

we get a flashback to Stephen Jr.

talking about the $7,000 of damage to Masha's car and asking Galena if she knew anything about it.

She's like, oh, no.

No, I know nothing about that.

So Casey's like, Casey asked the question that we're all thinking.

She hasn't gotten fired yet, right?

I was like, no.

No, she's got your balls and a vice.

She runs the whole company.

She's been helping this man probably with all of his shady business.

She's going to take you all down.

I wouldn't fuck with her.

yeah so they get to the ranch and call's like hey how was your trip to what was it called tulump it's like talum flip was great and he's like so um your first time being back she's like yes i am so anxious oh can we look at birdie look at chickens oh no oh no ginger missing ginger is my favorite chicken cole's like oh where's ginger

for five days masha okay ginger's your favorite you're not bonded with chickens in this this quick a time.

There was never a chicken named Ginger.

I'm going to tell you that right now.

And you people are farmers.

You're selling animals to eat and to murder.

So I'm not going to feel bad for your chicken running away.

I'm rooting for the chickens.

I mean, if anything, Galena set those things free, like gave them a chance.

You know, I saw a chicken run, Masha.

Yeah.

Masha's like, she's like, oh, Ginger was friendliest chicken ever.

Like, I guarantee she was.

Just like all the other chickens.

She was not a friendlier chicken.

I'm just going to say that.

Funny, that's how Steve Sr.

described you.

So Casey's like, well, she probably stole him because the door was just wide open.

Cole's like, yeah, anytime you leave a door open during dark, as soon as it gets dark, they're done for.

Them chickens are done for.

She's like, oh, this is like next level sick.

What's next?

What is she going to sleep with the best friend's man and steal him away?

God.

It is, this is so sick and disturbing, leaving a door open for a fox to come in and eat a chicken the way it would happen in nature.

Disgusting.

I mean, those chickens should be eaten by humans, not by foxes.

What sort of game is this?

We're supposed to be allowed to murder the chickens.

Most of us are like, I'm going to miss ginger.

I couldn't wait to eat her.

I like that the animals, honestly, the foxes sort of have the same feeling.

Like, just no one wants to deal with this family.

To be to be honest, there were still like nine or 10 chickens left, including babies.

Like those predators were like, honestly, I really just don't fuck with those McBee chickens.

I want something more like quality.

I just want to show show like how stupid chickens are.

Like, the door is open.

You see fucking ginger, Ronnie.

Ginger knew what was up.

No, but they also know.

Like, Ginger went out there.

Look, Ronnie, I didn't tell you.

I finally saw sinners, as I mentioned about five times last week on the podcast.

We all know what happens when you leave the barn.

Don't leave the barn.

Don't.

Don't leave the barn.

Ginger had the right instinct to be like, freedom, but was it freedom comes at a price, though, Ginger?

Maybe

what else is freedom, but nothing left to lose, or whatever?

Ginger, and if Ginger does leave the barn, don't let Ginger back in the barn.

Yeah, it's another lesson I feel like you guys need to learn.

Ginger's like,

guys, I really messed up and uh don't like it out there, so I'm gonna come back into the coop.

Like, oh, welcome back, Ginger.

It's like, so you guys are gonna let me in or something?

What

you're gonna let me in, Ginger.

You've been in this coop a million times.

So, you're gonna let me in?

Like, what's going on, guys?

Can you let me in?

I can say, amazing, guys.

How sweet.

Where'd you get that banjo?

Singing my songs?

Just want to sing with you guys.

Just want to jam with you guys.

We're not even a banana.

We're not even musicians.

Okay, I'll end it now.

No, sorry.

I thought it was over.

It's never over.

I should know that never end.

So Cole's like, so there's some chickens missing.

We don't know where they're at, but I don't got proof it's Galena.

But, you know, I've been in some toxic fights.

I almost had an ex-girlfriend run me over with the car one time.

Just want to say to that ex-girlfriend, you need to drive better.

Okay.

Nextly, get better.

You're going to start it, finish it.

Can Galena start giving driving lessons?

That would be nice.

Like, how do you miss Cole?

I'm sorry.

That man is, you cannot tell me that man can get out of the way of a car easily.

So

then back in the chicken coop.

Cole's like, so when's the last time you and her talk?

I mean, it's been a month.

Well, have you ever thought about talking to her and just, you know, trying to figure it out, maybe get her to stop?

She's like, what is there to figure?

I cannot, can you imagine this conversation?

What, what should I say?

Could you stop killing my chickens?

Could you?

Could you maybe stop killing ginger?

It's a start.

I think that's a fair way to start a conversation.

Could you please stop killing my chickens?

Also, I just bought that frying pan.

Could you not bash my boyfriend's hats in with it?

Thanks.

Yeah, I like that.

So he's like, okay, let's go and look at the the damage.

It's a frying pan and some cowboy hats.

You guys, you guys are so wussy in this family.

I can't believe it.

You're lucky that that's all Galena did.

I would have burned that fucking house down.

Well, not maybe not me, in case anybody I've ever dated has their house burned down.

It wasn't me, but if I was Galena, I could have done that.

Yeah, it could have been much worse.

There was some issue with the dishwasher.

I think she broke glass and put it in the dishwasher.

She put random things in the dishwasher.

She put like doggy treats in the dishwasher.

And they see a footprint.

And Kate's like, oh, well, you know, Galena, she's always barefoot running around, always.

I'm like, just a reminder, you're married to Cole, just so you know.

No kidding, you're dating a McBee.

And she's like, Yeah, she's like elf.

This is so crazy.

She put dog treats in dishwasher with bare feet all over the ground.

Who does this?

Little elf.

That's who, that is who kill elf.

I can't elf from now on.

Galena is really a very lazy, um, jolted ex because this is like, oh, that don't do more.

I'll put dog food in dishwasher and call it a day i'm like really

now the dogs think they don't get treat and they blame me for it i can't even have dog as friend no more because of her see it's actually very smart galena's like i'm not only going to ruin your relationship with a man but dog as well you bitch

yeah so cole's like well i know why she's mad and marsha's like what is it well i've said from the beginning because she likes you and she likes my dad lesbians they're crazy right i think she's a lesbian.

This is why we shouldn't let gay people read.

Don't say gay, otherwise, they'll kill your frying pan.

This is crazy.

And he's like, No, that's why she's so crazy.

That's why.

And Casey is like, I think the Cole's theory is right.

Galena did really like Masha when she first started bringing her around.

Oh, must mean she wanted to go diving into the

deep ground.

I mean, what the hell?

i mean they started to dress the same they started to talk the same have you seen you with your other cast members you guys all wear the same thing for marshals okay have you been to a russian restaurant

and by the way they don't they show like masha and galena on screen wearing totally different things like look at them wearing the same things

Meanwhile, we just saw your sister-in-law, your sister and soon-to-be Law, shopping for wedding dresses, and there were like two, and they looked exactly the same.

So please be clear.

So now we go back to the kitchen and masha's like this makes me like so sad and cloak's like well i'm sorry this happened it's crazy anyway i gotta go crash one tractor into another see you ladies so now we go to jay z and allie's city house and um stephen uh jr pulls up and his mom their mom is there they're having a big chipotle lunch the whole group and uh they're all arriving and they're joking

you know they had bad call you know it's always just so happy me and my family being together.

I just love being around my family.

I mean, Steve's gone.

I can be more involved in their life.

That motherfucker finally out of here.

Stupid Steven B and JLC, mother trucker.

I have a huge business.

It's huge now.

You know, Stephen didn't think my business was going to be big.

It's three times as big as it was when he had it.

I mean, it was worth $5 then.

I can almost pay for a movie ticket with it now.

Eat it, Steven.

I was thinking, yeah, I thought we could maybe get away before the harvest and like all that, you know, before it all starts getting busy and such and call starts crashing tractors into tractors and such so like because but once everything starts we got the wedding and before you do it the baby so like maybe we can go somewhere let's go somewhere like exotic and hot and and beautiful and sunny and tropical like i was thinking the ozarks exactly

basically the hawaii of our area um so they're like yeah i'd be i'd be all about going to the ozarks we haven't been we ain't been down there in three to four years we used to vacation there all the time before dad started fucking teenagers in Nashville for our vacations.

God, that was fun.

The Ozarks are a special place for us because we used to go down there every summer.

God, I used to feed the children fig Newtons while we'd look at signs of Wayne Newton.

Oh my God, we would laugh and laugh and laugh.

We go on the yacht.

We go on boats.

And Stephen's like, yeah, we'd go on jet skis.

Our getaway spot was going down to the lake of the Ozarks and having a good old time.

All right, so should we invite on this trip, y'all?

And Allie's like, Um, I'm not gonna be there because I can't get off work, and I live like an hour from the city.

Oh, I live close to the city, but like, I live an hour from here.

And so, if I can take an hour every time I have to come out here, then I like not go to the Ozarks anymore.

So, sorry, I'm like a city girl.

I'm a city girl, I like getting manicures and pedicures.

I'm basically a Carrie Bradshaw.

Okay, I'm such a city girl.

I'm Carrie E-Haw.

Okay, and I'm not

going anywhere.

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But it turns out she has a 5K that she's got to run, which is, you know, people with 5Ks always have a 5K to do when you want to make plans with them.

Like, hey, I was thinking like in nine months from now, we should like, why don't we like go away for the weekend?

Sorry, I got a 5K.

It's like, always, always got a lot.

I've never felt more hated.

I mean, you know that somebody hates your ass when they're not going to come to something special because they'd rather run.

I mean,

and not even a marathon, just a 5K.

It's a mile long.

I mean, that sounds long.

It's long, man.

I don't think it's like marathon long.

I think 5k is like relatively doable because that's why people do them so often.

It's always a 5k happening.

Oh, okay.

So that's like

the WISS version is the 5K.

How many miles is a 5K?

Three miles.

Yeah,

that's like literally so much shorter because the marathon's like 26 miles and this is three miles.

26 miles?

That's disgusting.

Just fucking chop off your knees already.

Just animal at your knees.

The one thing that's worse than someone saying they have to do a 5K is someone saying they're training for a triathlon.

And the one thing that's worse than that is someone saying they've got a marathon.

We all know.

We all know.

I know there are marathon runners in the audience, and it's amazing to be able to do it.

I can't do it.

The problem is that when people are training for a marathon, they just don't stop talking about it.

It's like, it's everything.

Getting married, having a baby, running a marathon, you know, becoming a vegan.

And then the thing is, this after they do a marathon, then they want to do another one like right away they're like oh yeah i actually was just signed up for another marathon in a different city like

when are you are you ever gonna hang out again no yeah

behind everybody's back like a normal person like that we don't need you having secret reasons to get away to stop

So anyway, Allie is not going to this weekend because she has a 5k.

And then Jesse is like, yeah, I bet it's something with her friends.

Silly woman, she has friends outside this family.

She's like, well, it's true.

I do have a race and i have friends city friends so stephen jr is like well that means it's boy was boys weekend for us am i right guys and they're like what about cala and he goes well i'm gonna ask cala okay so he always does that when it's a boys weekend he invites cala and jesse's like but you and cal are just friends still are you broken up like what's going on with you two what what is it Everybody's making fun of Jesse's new teeth on TV.

I don't mind Jesse's new teeth.

I like, I think they're, I think he's still real cute.

What's wrong with you?

I never saw his old teeth.

So it doesn't.

it's new teeth.

Yeah.

I don't remember.

There's nothing wrong with it.

You want new teeth.

Yeah.

All I have to, all I have to say is I was surprised that they did not air for the 20 millionth time this episode, Stephen and Cala in their car with him saying, you are the most pessimistic person about my family I've ever met.

I have to hear that quote one more time.

I swear to God.

Angry.

He looks just like his dad, except he's all muscular and younger.

But it's so fun watching this big, hot, muscle guy slowly turn into that sick bastard father.

And you see it.

And he has, he flies off the rage over these, he flies off on the rage over these stupid things.

Well, I don't think it's real.

The thing is that Steven is a terrible actor and he's just really bad at doing his lines.

And so he always does, he takes it to a 10 every time.

And it just, it's like, he's always like, all right, everyone, we need to get a Starbucks order going because if we're going to be harvesting, we need need to be energized.

So, where is that Starbucks order?

Is it ready now?

I'm like,

you got to have some modulation in your soul.

Well, he's got so much, like, when he gets mad, he does really get that angro, angry look in his face.

I think.

I mean, I don't, I don't know.

I don't feel, but you know, I believe everything, but I don't really feel like he's acting.

Like, remember when he got his meat truck and he's like, look, everybody, I got a meat truck.

Okay, he's so happy.

He was like, I don't think that was acting.

Do you?

I feel like every scene where he gets angry, he is acting.

Yes.

I feel like he's, I feel like I see it.

It's like so obvious to me.

And I'm not someone who like looks under the hood and tries to find, like, I'm never trying to be like, you're acting.

This is fake.

This is fake.

I like to believe that.

Is this reality or is this reality?

I really like to believe the illusion, but I, he actually makes it hard for me to believe it because I think his acting is so bad.

Like every time he like when he storms into the office, he's like, We have to talk.

I'm like, oh god, here he goes again.

The thing about his acting is that his back is so strong.

So I forgive it.

So

Stephen Jr.

is going to bring Calla.

Oh, so he says that he just nods yes to the question, which was, are you guys just friends?

Are you broken up?

And he nods yes.

And Christy's like, oh, wait, so you both agree with this?

You're really broken up.

Because if she's not your girlfriend, then why is she going to come?

And he's like, well, she wants to hang out with everybody.

You know, who doesn't want to be around a bunch of hillbillies that they hate?

I mean, come on.

It's natural.

Yeah.

Yeah, she hates them all.

She wants to break up with this guy.

So now she's going to hang out, of course, because she likes TV.

Yeah.

So Christy is.

I'm to be honest, you know, after that gender reveal party, I'm just a little, I mean, nobody gets along with Cala, she hates everybody.

Well, have you seen your all?

Have you seen this brood on TV?

That's this is what I keep on saying, like, you just have to get, wait to hear the, wait, you haven't even started listening to the Bravo audience yet.

If you think Cala hates you, listen,

have you seen what people are saying on social media?

Do you see what the Bravo audience is like?

Why is this show on our network?

It's a fair question.

So then Christy is like,

I don't think it's a good idea for Calla to come.

So she's like, you don't know you didn't have the darts being shot at you the way I did.

And he's like, well, don't worry.

There won't be any drama at all.

Was she mean to Christy?

Was Calla mean to Christy?

I don't remember that.

I don't remember.

I don't remember seeing that personally, but Calla was a little, she was a little cold to Christy last week.

Well, Calla is really bad at coming into the family and just acting like an asshole.

Like she's not

like when she was mad at the girls, I think she had a right to be mad that nobody texted her when her sister died and all that.

But then she just walks into the house.

She's like, I brought protein brownies.

I mean, there's nothing like saying, fuck you.

First, well, I guess the first one is saying, I can't come to your thing because I have a marathon or a 5K.

But the second thing is to say, protein brownies.

Get the fuck out of here with that.

Yeah, there's nothing that Calais

anybody.

She just kind of comes in and looks at everybody.

Like, is anybody going to talk to me?

She just sucks.

And the thing thing is that, like, she's probably right about a lot of stuff.

Like, I mean, again, the stuff with her, with her sister is terrible.

And people were like, this family is like, they're just a terrible family.

So like, they were so obnoxious by not saying anything to her.

So she has a right to be mad at them.

But just her day-to-day, like, how she interacts with everyone is just sort of bratty and annoying.

And I'm just like, oh, yeah.

I would not want her showing up on my vacation either.

And honestly, I'd be mad at Steven.

Like, why do you bring this like annoying person in?

We already have enough annoying people in this vacation rental we don't need to have cala also yeah so she's like are you gonna promise that there ain't gonna be drama he's like i cannot promise that and cole's like you are gonna fight all weekend you're gonna be getting dragged back to your room i just know it's gonna happen and chrissy's like

these girls what they do to my boys

yeah so they're like hashtag boy mom i think yeah she really is don't you go out there letting one of those girls trick you into getting pregnant don't you do that steven they'll do it.

Boys will be boys.

Am I right?

I mean, look, they're always getting along really well when they're supposed to be breaking up.

So then the breakup never really happens.

And we all notice it.

You think they'd notice that by now?

So now,

so they're basically like, yeah, she's going to come.

So now, guess what, everyone?

This trip that they're going to do before harvests, well, I guess it will happen because it's, but it's harvest now.

So it's the first day of harvest.

I'm like, well, I don't know how your first, your pre-harvest trip is going to work.

We're also going to go right directly to a harvest scene but that's fine

caught new to you a little little off there guys so it's the first day of harvest all right boys it's game time i want your game faces on i want your best foot forward i want you to get ready let's take this fail

So Jesse's, they go and they get their, they got on their these combines.

They start driving through town with these, you know, to get attached to the crops.

And Jesse's like, yeah, it's like the first day of the harvest.

It's like the opening game to the NFL season.

You get jacked up.

You're hopped.

You've been waiting all year.

There's Taylor Swife cheering you on, being like, go harvest, go harvest.

You know, some lady singing the national anthem, not hitting the notes right.

We all boo her.

Steep lady, you know, our country songs, okay?

I love rolling through town with our combine, but probably not as much as Cole because Cole is sad and he hasn't had a triumph in 20 years.

So this is the best part of his year.

And then, yeah, apparently Cole was the star quarterback.

His high school days when he was a star quarterback.

Oh my God, how small is this town?

That that's your star quarterback.

Cole.

So then Cole, of course, is like, yeah, rolling Dougalatin on the combine.

I feel like a man driving those things.

You're getting that big equipment and everyone's just looking at you.

And they're like, get out of your way, you know?

And you just feel like, yeah, I'm that dude.

I'm like, no, they're not thinking that.

They're like, I have to get to CVS and I'm stuck behind a giant ass truck driven by a guy with a small penis who has triumphed in high school and peaked then.

And And now he's taking a victory lap.

Well, I need to get my prescription.

That's what they're thinking.

They might not must not be passing us because we'd be like, thanks for the global warming, you fucking monster.

Would you like to transfer your Ford F-150 on a private plane anywhere?

I mean, Jesus Christ.

Literally, anyone who's been stuck behind a tractor never says, wow, look at that man.

There's a real man driving that.

I want to be him.

They're like, get the fuck out of the way.

Pull over.

So those of us who use this road for the

way it should be used with cars, not farm vehicles, need to get places.

Yeah.

So they're all excited to get to drive these big combines.

My favorite sentence is, wow, I really love driving our combines down the street.

It says so much about this show.

So they're really excited and they're so, you know, it's like, oh my God, we're going to do it.

We're going to do it.

And we hear bang.

And Cole's like, wait, did we hit something?

And Jessie's like, we broke something.

He's like, God fucking damn it, dude.

Dude, are you kidding me?

Oh, geez.

Went for fucking day.

God damn it.

Cole has crashed into another tractor and he's hurt the nipple.

What do they call that thing on the top?

We learned the word for it, the gate for the corn, the corn gate.

Oh, yeah.

It was like the dribble bucket.

The dribble bucket.

Yeah, the dribble.

Whatever it was.

I don't think it was called the dribble bucket.

It was called something.

It was

dribble capture to something.

Dribble sounds.

You know what?

I just learned that that thing is up there.

It's called

a gender dribble and you use it to put the powder for a gender reveal.

One of those things.

She was so excited over that.

I think Tessa was a little coked up or something on that one.

She's like,

the dribble maker.

Dribble maker.

She was real excited about that.

So Cole crashes into another tractor and he's, you know, horrified because it's Cole.

You know, and it sucks being the one that always fucks up.

That's me and my family.

When I fuck something up, my family is like, okay, well, there's no shock.

There's no shock there.

But so it sucks being that person, but also, you know, maybe stop being the person that fucks up all the time.

Cole, you fucking braggart.

You probably don't even know how to drive that.

Obviously, you don't even know how to drive that thing.

Sir.

Sir.

No.

So yeah, he crashed his tractor on the first day of harvest.

No less, you dumb fuck.

Wow, who's the man now, combine crasher?

So Steven's like, he's like, I'm going to get into my SUV because I can't even watch this travesty happening because that's classic coal.

You know, he's always complaining.

Let him have, take some power.

Let me have some authority.

I love my brother.

He's a hard worker, but this is exactly why he's not in charge of the farm.

Also, our combines were parked at the farm in the first place.

So I don't even know why I drove through town.

Why are the combines, by the way, why are the combines not at the fields?

Why are they at a site?

Why is the garage not where the fields are?

Answer me that.

I think they are in the field, right?

Because he says, we've got two dead combines in the field and a bunch of corn to get cut i know but like why why do they have to drive them through town why don't they just have the combines at the field because it's

farming day sir it's mc harvest okay i don't know have you been paying attention do you have a calendar that specifies national holidays have you not heard i just didn't

like this at all no so cole's like oh that's the last time we're bringing steven out on the first day because it's hard to keep working when you got someone in such a bad mood around you yeah cole because you crashed the equipment Dipshit, if if you can't drive your combine because Steven is there, that is not, you cannot say it's that you felt the pressure of Steven, sir.

You are a bad combine driver.

How do you rear-end another tractor, Cole?

Why are we tailgating your tractors?

I don't

three miles per hour, also.

Like, it's not, if you're going 60 miles per hour, I would maybe get it, but you're going three miles per hour.

Well, yeah, slow crashes are sadder, right?

But he was going, I think, past it and hit the nipple thing on the arm on the roof of the other one, right?

I think it was like lowered too far or something.

He was probably showing off his, his, his dribble nipple or whatever in town.

He's like, we're about to pass the express, so I'm going to, I'm going to really move around this nipple dribbler.

And then he hit it on the other tractor, which broke it.

I think he was trying to brag.

I think that was an extension of his penis in his mind.

And he was trying to show it off to the town.

He was basically flashing the town with the nipple dribbler.

And look what it got him into.

It got him into shit.

Trouble.

Trouble.

I'm going to make out any fucking nipple dribbler is because it's driving me crazy.

I'm trying to find it.

I like Snipple Dribbler.

Nipple Dribbler.

Let's keep it that.

Nipple Dribbler.

Something's going on in my neighborhood.

There's a lot of notifications in my WhatsApp.

Oh.

Did someone crash a combine?

They're probably.

I've got a notification.

A real man's driving through town in a combine, everyone.

Get to the sidewalk.

Wave at him.

Well, yesterday people were sending around pictures of a bobcat.

And today there's, oh, there's someone trying to squat in one of the houses.

Hi, all.

There's a guy.

He walked into the driveway and plugged his phone into my power outlet, rang the doorbell, and left after I told him to leave, but cursed as he walked away.

Keep an eye out.

Is he around right now?

I don't see him.

Well, here's my address, you guys.

Go find him.

She's showing pictures of her ring cam.

And then this guy's just sitting outside her front door because there's a big problem of squatting around here.

Okay, people are just trying to move into your house when you're gone at work.

I'm telling you, you want that?

You're about to get hit with a nipple dribbler.

You better get to someone else's lawn.

This makes it just in.

This just in is not called a nipple dribbler.

It's called a dribbled door.

Dribbled door.

Not to confuse with dumbledoor.

It's a dribbled door.

There's a dribbled door.

So the dribbled door is what happened.

Not the nipple.

But I like the marriage.

I like what took place at basketball school

yes dribble door

okay so um now that was killing me that was killing me i was like i i stepped away from the podcast for a second there because i was like i need to get to the bottom i'm glad i'm glad you got it and i'm glad you spelled it out and put it up on the screen for people to see it that was really

And now we're back.

Yeah, now we're back.

Educational, y'all.

We have a lot of fun banners here.

Look, Whitney Levin has left a group chat.

They're great, by the way.

Wrong.

Wrong.

It's a good time.

Okay.

Okay.

Now we go to Chrissy and Jesse because Jesse has to get a suit because he's going to get married.

Okay.

And they're at a store called State and Liberty.

Because what else would it be called?

You know, look.

Yeah, when I think of high fashion.

When I think of high fashion, you know what?

I want to wear something.

I want to get something fashionable, something chic.

I'm going to go to a place called State and Liberty.

Hey, y'all need some shoes because I'm running right down to freedom and laces y'all need anything

so um jesse uh comes out of the fitting room he's wearing kind of like a very light blazer um with just a button down and light pants and christy is acting like he just stepped out of tom ford's like atelier she's like oh jesse

you look So handsome.

I love it.

It is like the most casual look, and she's like blown away.

She's like, I just,

I can't believe it.

You don't even smell like cow dung today, honey.

You're really making an effort.

And he's like, well, does it make it, does it make sense for me to wear a bow tie?

She's like, well, what does Allie think on that?

He's like, I guess we got to call her.

So they call Allie.

And she's like, what?

I'm busy.

I'm working.

Like, I'm working.

I'm in the city.

I'm like, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

There's a conked combine passing.

Conked Combine.

Harvest Day.

Who fucking cares?

This is the city.

Get off the road.

Hold on.

I'm going to Neiman Marcus because I'm a city girl.

Hello.

Could someone point me to the Neiman Marcus of Kansas City?

No.

Sorry, I'm looking for something a little more fashionable.

I'm going to be going to Amendment and Filibuster.

Thanks.

Hold on.

Excuse me.

I'm typing right now.

I couldn't help but wonder, was I at the corner of State and Liberty or is my Liberty part of the state?

Does this make sense?

I don't know.

I'm a city girl.

I can type whatever I want.

Okay, honey, do you want him to wear a bow tie or a regular tie?

And she's like, I mean, I don't care.

What do you think, Jesse?

And he's like, I want the bolo tie.

She goes, oh, we discussed this, Jesse.

We discussed it.

I think, I feel like I wanted someone to say, did he know that we said bow tie and not bolo tie?

Because I don't think bolo was on the table.

He likes enraging Allie because like Allie is hard to get a reaction out of.

So he's always just saying things to piss off Allie like he's lying in bed like well how come you don't come over here though how come you want me to drive over there how come you won't come here and now he's just changing it to bolo tie because he knows it's gonna piss her off

he's like what about this I was kind of left thinking taking a whole bunch of burnt hands and put them on like a bobstick and then just hanging that from my neck does that count as a tie no jesse I am a city girl.

If you wear burnt hands as your tie, I will, I will divorce you as soon as I marry you.

Yeah.

He's like, well, Allie definitely was fancier than me.

Like, you know, she wants to do things fancy, but I snuck some things in there.

Like, we all get to wear cowboy hats.

Thank God.

Wow.

He's really going to be a great husband.

Forcing her to give up the city house and like the one day of the year where she gets to do something creative in her life.

He's going to like push back and wear a cowboy hat.

Cause God forbid he doesn't wear a cowboy hat.

It's like.

Sorry, it's her.

You can wear a cowboy hat every single day of your life.

Could you not wear it for one day?

Actually,

because you know, I love jesse like i'm in love with him and so i had this dream one time that i married jesse and we

you know it was like five years in the future and jesse just went like because i'm i don't care about well don't care about my weight is hilarious thing to say on this podcast because i bet you about it all the time but you know like i love to eat and i don't really work out or do any of that stuff and so he started taking my habits and he got real chubby and lost all of his hair and like he had a big bald spot and it wasn't bad or anything i was still cute but i woke up thinking god that's what I'm going to do to a man.

I can't wait.

You know, just like make them lose all of their discipline and all of that stuff.

But it stayed in my, that dream has stayed in my mind.

Cause A, I was happy when I woke up.

And also, because I think that's why he only wears cowboy hats.

What if he's bald under there?

He took his cowboy hat off.

He did when he took his cowboy hat off at some point in the episode and it looked a little weird.

He wasn't balding.

It just,

he looks like the cowboy hat actually, he looks really good in one.

So like

for all my complaints.

For all my complaints, like,

and expect to wear a cowboy hat.

I'll allow a cowboy hat, but I don't like how he's acting.

Like,

it's like, also, like, can you just try to make your future wife happy if she has a request?

Can you, like, just try to honor it?

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Now it's time to litigate one of their pressing issues.

He's like, okay, Ma, I'm going to tell you what happened.

I like the gray suit and then she liked the beige suit.

Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, she's like, actually, I like the gray suit more.

Didn't say I was riding or anything.

Just decided that she was the one that liked the gray suit first.

I'm like, really?

Are you really going to have a pissing match of this gray suit?

She changed her mind.

She literally said she changed her mind.

They're just like a couple of children.

You know, they met when they were little babies and that's still how they communicate.

It's like, I wanted some toast.

Why don't you give me some toast while you were in there?

You can get your own toast.

Oh, yeah.

Come here, let's cuddle.

I don't know.

It's like their love language is like childish bitching at each other or something.

I don't know.

So now they got to figure out the suspenders.

So Christy's like, well, what color would you like the suspenders?

Jesse was calling it maroon or one of those strange liberal colors, but I think it was something else.

And Jesse's like, he's like, well, is it not maroon?

Is it not cinnamon?

Cinnamon?

Get your cinnamon, cinnamon suspenders.

Well, did they show them?

Because I feel like they showed something that was kind of a purplish.

I mean, at least he was close.

I don't know where cinnamon came from that was that was far i'm not gonna lie i think at some point during the scene my eyes transitioned to literally anything else in my room i think i was maybe on my phone or looking at a pillow or a spider in the corner i was no longer

putting all my senses or babe towards this scene oh poor guy uh so chrissy's like well lately allie and jesse been snapping on each other a bit more you know and from my experience married couples need to sleep in the same bed from your experience your husband is a piece of shit.

So let's not bring any of your experience into this because your husband fucking sucks, man.

Your husband went and started fucking one of your friends.

Like he's an awful human being.

Now, that said, I think she's right.

Like, if, do you think she's right?

I mean, I don't know.

Long distance couples work.

So her whole thing about

sleep in the same bed because if you're not together, it'll all go downhill from there.

These newfangled relationships, I don't get it.

But I don't know.

It seems to make sense, but I'm not ever.

It's like, look, different strokes for different folks, but

I just don't understand why you build a whole city house and then you're like, well, we should, I don't want to, we shouldn't be apart.

Like, did you guys like test it out?

I don't know.

I didn't watch season one, but like, did you guys just test out what it'd be like?

Why don't you like rent a place first and see what the long distance?

No, it was the same conversation as season one.

It's like, we're building a house.

Well, where are we going to live?

We're going to live in the city.

Well, I got to be at work, but I got to be in the city.

That's their whole thing.

So I don't know.

I don't know how this is going to work.

You're geographically, what do you call it?

Incompatible.

Incompatible.

Yeah.

I think Ellie needs to give.

I think Ellie needs to leave this man.

I think that he's just like hot and he's wealthy.

And I'm not saying that she's like shallow like that, but she's like, you know what?

I hit the jackpot and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up.

But honestly, you probably will want to because he's going to lose both those things very soon.

Well, I hope he gets super upset and calls me because, Jesse, I love you.

Love you.

Okay.

You can wear a bolo tie to bed if you want.

I don't care.

So there's more back and forth about this.

So the bow tie gets back in the mix.

So he's going to wear the bow tie.

Cinnamon suspenders are a go.

The jacket, yes.

But will there be jackets for the groomsmen?

No jacket for the groomsmen, right?

And she goes, well, he says, no jacket for the groomsmen.

She goes, okay.

He goes, oh, I was asking, but okay.

She goes, oh, no, that's fine.

Sweet.

The tension is through the...

It's through the roof.

Yeah.

I like when Allie goes, yeah, if Jesse had his way, we'd probably gotten married out back in the red barn on the farm.

But I vetoed that.

Honey, your wedding hasn't happened yet.

Yeah, it hasn't happened yet.

Be careful.

It's going to happen.

Yeah, that's true.

But she made it sound like, God, that idiot would probably want to get married in the barn.

And he actually did.

But I vetoed it.

But also at the same time, like, you know who you're marrying too.

Like, these guys are obsessed with the farm.

And you're like, if he had his way, he'd probably have a wedding on the farm.

I mean, he loves that farm.

You married a farmer.

You're going to marry a farmer.

At some point, you also have to acknowledge, like, what you're getting yourself into.

Yeah.

Do you think they really work at this farm?

Because no one seems competent.

They don't see.

I don't know if they really work there or if this is just for TV, but they all seem to be like, look at us.

We're at a car wash now.

They're looking around, waving at people, and they're like, this whole town hates us.

Yeah, because you guys are faking.

You know, Jesse's really works at like the Scripps Institute in San Diego.

He's like, I have no idea what I'm doing here in the Kansas City.

So they talk about living in the city versus living in the country.

And he's like, yeah, but you know, I mean, she'll be gone after she gets done with work.

And then she goes to CrossFit and then she gets her nails done.

Then she gets home at eight.

But yells at me if I'm at the farm.

You know what those city folk, you know how they act.

Classic Allie.

So we see a week ago with Jesse and Allie, you know, having that conversation about living in separate houses.

And Jesse's like, you know, when I work late at the farm, I just don't feel like driving all the way back to the big city.

And she's like, no, i understand and obviously she doesn't feel like driving up here like there is a world in which maybe you guys get a house that's like maybe in between

yeah it should

listen marriage should suck for you both so you should both be miserable it's marriage okay get a place halfway so stephen then we go to stephen jr at the office and galena comes in And he's like, hold on, hold on.

Cole's FaceTiming me.

Now, this may be good news.

Hello, Cole.

Please, for the love of God, tell tell me the combine's cutting.

Well, I just stuck my wiener in the combine.

My wiener is hurting, lost a nut.

But at least I lost a nut while everyone in the town was looking at me and saying that I was a man.

And they're like, hey, there's that star quarterback of their football team that had three people on it.

There he is.

And I was like, it's me, everyone.

But yeah, we got, yeah, it's all harvesting.

It's harvesting.

It's saying that it's cutting.

It's cutting Moiener.

It is cutting a wiener.

It hurts.

Don't ever try to have a dribble contest with the dribble door.

Oh, yeah.

I just love seeing a cut lane.

Okay.

All right.

We'll see you guys.

All right.

I'm going to hang up because I have a script here that I memorized and I have to act it out in front of Galena.

Okay.

Hey.

Speaking of which, do you have the loan amount that I need to pay for the Bank of Springfield Galena?

I do.

I do, yes.

Yes, I do.

Okay,

can you give that to me?

Because I'll get that check cut.

Like the Combine is cutting the corn.

Um, yes, I'm gonna, uh, yes, I texted uh Georgina through text message, and I'm just gonna get more information on that from Georgina.

Did you say Georgina?

Yeah, Georgina,

Ginger, Ginger.

Ginger, the missing chicken.

Ginger.

I text Ginger.

She said, Bach, Bach.

I'm in the stomach of Fox.

I'm in the stomach of Fox.

Well, you need to get

that check cut because that chicken said she's not going to wait a day longer at the Bank of Springfield.

Well, I have another one with them on September 10th.

I have a meeting with Fox.

I'm going to offer many chicken for loan.

Wait a second.

Tomorrow is September 10th.

Is it?

Tomorrow, September 10th.

Hee, hee hee, hee, hee, hee.

Hmm.

How's everything going in your world?

Listen, normal.

I just want to do business.

Just business here, sir.

Listen, I am the leader of this company, and it's fucking weird you not texting our number one chicken at the bank.

I love that there's two gingers in the show.

One's a chicken and one's a bank lady.

I know.

I didn't even connect the dots until we got to the scene and I just started laughing.

Chicken fled the coop and became a banker.

Like chicken now has like a little business.

Ginger chicken wants money back.

Oh, I'm a bad guy because I gave chicken a career.

Oh, suddenly I'm so bad.

Ginger stole my man.

So she's like, don't even worry about the boss.

And Steven's like, it seems like she's drunk.

So then then she's just doing that creepy laugh.

She's like, oh, listen to that.

Already September 10th.

He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.

Only a drunk person doesn't know that September 10th is tomorrow.

So now Stephen is in the farmer with some of the, he's in the garage with the farmers.

And he's like, so I just talked with Galena in my office.

I'm 95% sure she is shit faced.

And Cole's like, what do you mean shit-faced?

Like, hammered drunk on a Monday at 11:30 in the morning.

Cole, what do you think?

Shit-faced?

Like that time you got put in jail for being drunk at a bar and mom had to come get you out.

And she got you out on account that you had a penis.

Well, not anymore.

That thing got kind of clear cut by the dribble door.

You know, drunk, like the time you climbed into that combine and crashed it into the front, the front window of Staten Liberty.

Well, forgive me for saying hello.

Why you got to be so commanding?

No, she's acting drunk, knowing what she acts.

I know what she acts like when she's drunk because when she's sober, she knows exactly what Centepa Tanth is and she knows who Ginger is.

And I think she is shit face as of this minute.

And I hey, guys.

I want to find out if that's the fact or if I'm just completely off.

So it sounds like our group of men folk are going to have to go back into that office and see what we can discover.

So he does.

He goes to talk to Galena.

She's like, what up?

And he's like, well, I don't know how to dress this because there's an elephant in the room.

Where?

Where's elephant?

Does Masha own?

Because I will kill.

Show me elephant.

I'm not saying that.

Is

it a little bit of a talent?

Okay.

No, it's a pink elephant.

Are you drunk right now?

Galena, have you been drinking?

So then we see a flashback.

Stephen asked Jessie and Cole to go check the office for alcohol.

So then we cut back to Galena.

She's like,

no.

And Galena has, well, she's like, no, no, I have not.

But then Stephen's like, well, then why was there a cold bottle of wine in your trash?

Because, of course, if you were drinking on the job, you're going to bring a bottle of chilled wine into your office, drink it, leave it in the trash.

And you'll also have a little bottle of like, like Nantucket nectars or whatever with like orange juice and vodka and that you're going to leave half, half full in the trash too.

You won't pour it down any drain.

So they're like, Galena takes care of herself, though.

You know, that's the way to be an alcoholic at work.

Like she's not, she's not just drinking like little airline bottles out of her backpack.

You know, she's like fully, she's got like a little chiller under her desk.

She's like, oh, she's doing it right.

She's like, but they're like, wait a minute.

I found a martini class with a little paper umbrella in it.

She's like living in that drug.

Wait a minute.

There was a piña colada machine in Galena's office.

When I was in eighth grade,

I took like a little playwriting class or something and I wrote a play and like as part of the play, someone was like really upset about something.

And they're like, I'm, and they were talking about it.

Like, yeah, I was so upset, upset.

I went out last night and I got drunk.

It's like, well, how much, what did you drink?

I had 25 shots of vodka.

Teacher was like,

that's a lot.

And that's what this scene reminds me of.

Like, oh, I am upset.

I have glass of, I have a bottle of wine in my trash because I am so upset and drinking on job.

Guys, Galena had all the ingredients for an espresso martini plus three espresso beans in her trash can.

She honored the tradition.

Okay, which is more than we can say for the espresso martinis at Pinky's Lounge in Las Vegas.

Guys, there was a

smoker.

There was a drink smoker in Galena's trash can.

She was smoking up something called Buzz Buds.

So,

guys, she's been drinking on the job.

I found a full scorpion bowl and the center was still on fire with 151 rum.

There was a beer bong in Galena's trash can.

Jesus.

So

I think she's been drinking.

Gosh, I looked at Galena's trash can.

There was a champagne fountain in there, a full champagne fountain.

Well, I looked.

Yep, there was an ocelouge.

It was in the shape of the peacock.

There you go.

It was the ocean that we were supposed to have in McCarvest.

So he's like, have you been drinking?

Do not lie to me.

Do not lie to me, Galena.

This is crazy.

You stop it.

Let me get the front chair.

Whoa.

Galena got the front chair.

That was hard.

He's like, you are not going to drive right now.

She goes, no, I'm not driving.

I'm done.

I'm done with all of this.

I'm done with all of this.

I'm going to blend something up, pina or bloody?

You prefer?

Don't worry.

I am not going to drive.

No, seriously, Cole ran over my car with a combine earlier this morning.

We call it the karma combine.

And he's like, listen, I love you and I care about you, Galena, and I want to help.

But that is not okay.

That is not only dad can be drunk at work.

Okay.

It's like, oh, nothing is okay.

None of it is okay.

You think it's okay?

The fact is springing, my friend.

Do you know how I feel after all of that?

It's like a piece of thing, a piece of thing, a piece of garbage.

Nobody even knows remotely what I went through.

You guys don't know what your dad told me.

And, you know, look, you shouldn't be getting drunk at work and messing up and stuff.

But these guys are really just letting their dads off with everything.

Their dad totally totally screwed this chick over was their dad honest yes i'm gonna date other people but he still led this chick on and they're just like what why isn't she acting just normal two days after work you guys are lucky that this is all she's doing i'm saying it again Well, but if she were on below deck, we'd be like, shut the fuck up and do your job also.

Let's be honest.

Well, this isn't below deck.

This is McBee, where you know Cole's drunk at work, if he's ever even really there, or stoned or something.

And that dad is such a mess.

He's about to go to prison.

And you know, his ass was drunk all the time at work.

Yeah.

It's not blow deck.

It's blow corn.

So Kalina is like, you know,

I thought we were going to be, you know, spending the rest of lives together, watching chickens not get murdered.

I want

that.

All we wanted was to stay together and watch Ginger grow up to have a good life.

We were so happy we got Ginger into chicken MBA programs.

And now look to see what happened.

she go to chicken morton but um so then uh Stephen Jr.

is like look I love my dad as dad but as a husband and as a boyfriend wait

your dad is your husband no

wait your dad's dad

so you you were cheating on him with you were cheating on him for me too what what sort of up incestuous family is this gay incestuous no no no no stop that

by the way you just said gay we're not supposed to say gay we promised We promised the mayor, right?

We said, mayor, we will fix your mansion from Cole's combine accent

as long as we never say gay.

Actually, I guess the mayor said that to us.

So this is his M.O., okay.

And I'm not just saying that because we're in Missouri.

So Stephen's like, I came to this conversation pissed off, but as I'm looking at her and I'm seeing her pain in her eyes, I understand.

that she is a human being and that I am pissed off at a human being, not just a chicken.

And she's been through a lot the last few months.

And I know a good person, I know what a good person she is and how productive and how valuable she is to our companies.

Plus, she knows all where the buries, where the bodies are buried in the FBI are coming.

So yeah, I'm just going to be nice to her now.

Also, I looked into her eyes and I'm terrified now.

Those are some scary, scary demon eyes.

She's just looking back at him like, he, he, he, he.

And he's like, okay, well, this is going to fucking change.

This is not okay.

All right.

Now, let me tell you, I should run every AA meeting because people come in there and I'm going to just tell them right to their face, you better stop this.

You better stop it right now.

Yeah, that's what he does.

Stop it.

He's like, Look, the alcohol is not going to help.

It's just a band-aid on a fucking bullet hole.

I'm surprised Tessa did not pop her head and say, Now, just for the record, I have patched up many a bullet hole with a band-aid.

So why don't you think about that a little bit more before you say those sort of things?

Where do these things even come from?

So then we go over to Cole and Steve and talking about the fields.

They've harvested 10 and there's 83 to go.

So they're talking about that.

And then

they talk about the house getting fucked up by Galena.

And he's like, speaking of Masha and Galena, what the hell are we going to do with them?

And Cole's like, well, I think Masha made it pretty clear.

She's not to go anywhere near dad and her aren't breaking up.

So we want them to be friends.

I mean, what's the end goal here?

And he's like, well, I guess we just need to make sure they're not threatening to hire hitmen for each other's chickens okay well it's a good start

jesse's like hey it really it's really come to this point hasn't it we can't tell if they won't show up you know so they're like cole's like yeah but my my masha's gonna be so mad at us if we don't tell her so well that's your girl that's your problem all right you know I never thought I'd be trying to break up a fight between two wild Russian women, especially 40-year-olds that are my dad's girlfriends.

But Buckalina's got to look at what she's done and make changes.

You just broke a tractor, Cole.

Let's not talk about everybody thinking about what they've done right now.

Okay, sir.

So

they're going to get these two together, these crazy kids together.

And speaking of crazy kids, who's this new lady with a new haircut?

New haircut?

Who this?

It's Brooke.

Yeah.

Hey, is that Alanis Morrisette with a Bob?

No, it's Brooke.

It's Brooke.

So she meets up with Steven and he's like, Whoa, whoa, sorry, sorry about the other night, first of all, at that concert or whatever.

Because when we got in the elevator, I didn't say hello, but I didn't recognize it was you.

I mean, who is this lady with new hair?

I mean, I love the new hair, by the way.

She's like, Oh, it's okay.

You know, I mean, it is over between me and your dad.

I've been happier than I've ever been.

You know, a happy person when they get their hair into a pop, and that's just what I've done.

That is just what I've done.

I got my hair cut down over at um

at um objection and law

and um i decided i could do better they do great work

oh that's funny because i got my hair done

i got my hair done at fantastic uncle sam's

so

double text i got double text on that one but like you know what you know it'll be fun for the viewing audience another scene with someone who has a relationship with my father but not a scene with my father okay So,

like, I mean, how many, like, I get that Steven Sr.

is not on the show, and that's fine.

And I get that we have to wrap up some loose ends from last season for the people who watched the season one.

But, like, there's so much talk about the dad and his relationships and what's going on.

You have so many surrogates for the dad.

I'm like, I think it's time to start moving on from the dad at this point because

they could too, because they already wrapped up Brooke last season.

They broke up last season.

This is nothing new.

Like, she, he broke up with her and she's like, well, I'm sorry that you have to deal with someone like Galena.

I'm real sorry for that.

Good luck to you.

Good luck.

So Steven's waxing up.

I don't know why we need to see Brooke.

Yeah.

So Stephen's like waxing poetic.

He's like, you know, I've always had a certain level of respect for Brooke.

I mean, here she is, a woman with long hair who got short hair.

That's strong.

Because she had strength to leave and not look back.

I wonder if she has the strength to fix a tractor because I think Paul just broke another one.

That's what I hear.

And he's like, yeah, you know, I get caught up, too caught up in things, you know, sometimes it's 8.30 at night and I'm still talking about what happened that day, like Cole losing his penis to a nibble dripper.

But, you know, sometimes I just, I need to solve problems, but sometimes I need to learn that that's a fault.

You know, there have been things I've said about Cala whenever we've had fights and things just go downhill so fast.

Especially when you have a combine whose brakes are cut and it's just going downhill very fast.

I mean, we really have to get Galena out.

We need to fix this Galena situation.

I mean, if she cuts the break lines on that combine one more time, someone's going to get killed.

Yeah.

And Brooke's like, yeah, you know, that's just what happens in these relationships.

And you need to realize sometimes that you need to really find a married person that can treat you better.

You need to find a person who's in a committed real area.

You need to find a person who's already in a relationship who will treat you right.

That's what you need.

That's what I've done.

I've found the happiest person in another relationship that I've ever found.

It's going to work out great.

I'm sure.

She's like, you know, I thought once I turned 40, who wants me?

I'm just an old dish rag, right?

Just put me out to pasture.

Just put me in a cornfield and have that combine run right over me.

But it turns out someone did find value in me and now I do have value.

He's like, yeah.

Well, I'm starting to see that maybe the McBee men are a little bit of the problem.

You know, it's so funny because after season one, when everyone was watching the show and saying, those McBee men suck, I thought, yeah, I agree.

Those women do suck.

But then it turns out they were talking about when they said the man, they meant the man.

They weren't just joking and saying the women, it's us.

We're the problem.

It's me.

So basically, that's the scene.

Like, who cares?

Okay.

So then we go to Steven and Galena.

He's checking on her.

She's like, I'm just checking on the washers.

He's like, well, how are the washers doing?

You know, they're going.

Are you drunk?

No.

Okay.

You want to go for a drive?

I'm going to test you.

Okay.

Do you want me to say alphabet backwards again?

That was a miss.

I'm not going to ask you to do that again.

Z9

chicken 137.

All right, let's get in the car.

All right, Kalina, we're going to go to Beverages Moore.

You can hop in.

Oh, I am already in the back seat.

All right.

All right.

They're going to head over to the lodge.

Okay.

And you know why?

Because Masha's at the lodge right now.

She goes, No, no, she's not.

And he's like, whatever you got to say to Masha, we're going to say it because tomorrow's going to be the first day of us moving forward and putting this shit behind us while Masha's living in your house with wet dog treats.

Okay.

Come on.

Masha's like at the lodge.

She's like, I'm so nervous.

My heart is pounding right now.

And I just got a letter from Harvard Business School saying that we owe $33,000 in tuition for Ginger.

And I'm like, what is happening?

I thought Ginger is dead.

Okay, well, you're worried to bump into her?

Well, this is why this is good because you guys are going to see each other for the first time right now.

It's a controlled environment.

Listen,

if you can trust anybody to break something up this bad, it's me.

I broke a tractor.

That was good.

It was in a bad situation.

I broke it.

You lady folk with your lady issues, you can work it out because you're in the presence of men and men are calm and controlled and aren't emotional.

It's a controlled environment.

So you can work out your stupid lady issues and we're going to laugh in your faces and everything will be fixed.

And Galena back in the car is like, I brought her here as a friend.

I invite her for Christmas.

I brought her kid presents.

I invited her to all outings and travels and things like this.

And this is how everybody say, no good deed goes undone, right?

So I trusted someone to at least be, you know, away a friend.

And he's like, oh, yeah, you know, I think you should tell her that.

Tell her that.

Just say it candidly.

You know, one of the things we have a problem with with you Galena is you're just not candid.

She's like, I don't care about candy.

I just want alcohol.

No, wait a minute.

So he's basically like, we got to get this fixed because she owns the company or she owns, she's the most important person, whatever.

So Galena's like, I, you know, I have not respect for backstabber, betrayer, snake.

I work hard.

It's beneath myself to speak to somebody like that.

I don't even bother saying, whore, whore, prostitute, prostitute sluts.

How's life in slotsville, you stupid prostitute butt face?

Die in fire, prostitute.

So do so much for her.

You know, they're trying to hype the girls up.

Like, you're the biggest person here.

No, you're going to be the big person.

So now they both get together and they're like, hello.

Hello.

And then Jesse puts a football helmet on.

All right.

This is Cole speaking.

Now, before I bleed out through my penis from the combine incident, I just want you guys to try to talk it out and get it solved.

Okay.

So we're going to just make sure everything goes good.

Okay.

So Masha is like, hello.

Well, you know, i stay here to see you because because galina's like what you doing here i stay here to see you she's like well i don't want to see you it's like well then you can go back go back where to wherever you come from or you go back freaking backstabbing prostitute slut bitch okay okay okay okay let's just try to figure out a solution here guys that's why we're here okay let's try again galina you go ahead she's like i invited you i okay you're pretending to be my friend i invited you here for christmas i took you in i gave your chicken its first calculator and you this is the way you think me.

Like, she goes, I took you to dinners because you're nobody.

Stephen goes, okay, okay, let's be solution-oriented here.

Okay, let's do that.

And Gillian's like, okay, well, I introduce you to everybody.

And the next thing, backstab, out, my back, my back is custom from Masha.

And she goes, I'm not sure I backstab.

And she goes, are you kidding me?

You did not sleep with Steve while I was living here.

She's like, oh, first of all, you wanted to date a married guy when you met him.

How about that?

How about that?

She's like, no, I wasn't.

No, I wasn't.

Oh, he wasn't married by then.

No, he actually lives separate.

You know,

separate.

I mean, like, same, same bed as wife and married in the same house, but live separate, technically.

So she was posted in a different room than him.

And it's like, oh, so you live separate or was divorced?

And she goes, he did not tell me.

And so Cole's like, steve has a person he wants living here living here so we just need to all move on from the situation do we understand this

no no i don't i don't want to talk about this anymore i did not for i just want to say i did not kill your chickens oh yes you did i cannot see them i cannot find them i'm assuming it was you because it was only you who was capable of this stuff i mean do you live in your own world Do you live in your horror world?

Is that where you live?

Whore worlds?

Horror world.

I love the idea that this place is called Horror World.

Come to Horror World for all your horror needs.

All your horror needs.

2-2 for one.

The high hills made out of clear plastic.

You can see a clear rock through them.

Don't get your fingerprints on them, you dumb whore.

50%

off.

Look for us around the corner from State of Liberty and just down the street from Objection in Law.

Objection.

Your neighborhood.

So Marsha's like, this is not going to go anywhere.

She's not right mind.

I mean, you need to see a specialist because I don't need to have you tell me what I need to do.

Horshallist?

Okay.

You need to see a horse a list.

Okay.

You know what?

I'm so damn tired of dealing with relationships that are not mine and a business where we are struggling every single day to make we are $7 million trillion dollars in debt.

Wow.

And all I want.

All right.

All right.

All I want.

Oh, okay.

I just want Galena to be okay.

You have a vagina in your armpit.

All right, both of you.

Has anybody ever told you?

I look at your armpits, I see vagina there.

How about just thick penises in that armpit hole?

All right, Cole.

Cole, could you jump in here?

All right, I'm Cole here.

I was a star quarterback 15 years ago.

You can act like this here, not like this.

Do not, don't act like anything affect anything come the other day.

Because this better be not another blackout day, because there better be not on top of that situation.

I've lost a lot of blood.

Like I say, do we have a hospital in this town?

Come on.

Cole, business never went off track.

So I guess I'm confused about that.

When did business go off track?

There's no business off track.

And so then we see flashback to three days ago when she was drinking at work.

And she's like, okay, well, this conversation with Masha made me realize she definitely has no intention to apologize.

So she has no remorse.

So enjoy Wet Dog Treat.

Because I still have Key.

I have Key and I have Crowbar.

And this is all Galena need.

So they're like, okay, well, that didn't go so well.

So then Stephen takes Galena back to the office.

And then Jesse and Stephen just sit down and make a sandwich.

So then

that's great.

So they're like, well, that was pointless.

And Cole's like, yeah, there was nothing that got accomplished.

Galena, what's going on with her, man?

This got to end.

Like, like, I mean, if she can't move on with this situation and put the business first, then she has got to go.

Yeah, but we need her.

We need her in this business.

And Jesse's like, do you think that, you know, just because you knew her before and how she was before, that's kind of clouding your judgment on how she is now?

I mean, is she a bow tie or is she a bolo tie?

Don't think about it before you answer.

Think about it before you answer.

Hey, okay, I thought about it.

Are we open to an ascot?

No, as easy as it is to say, just cut her off and get rid of her.

There's a lot going on behind the scenes that, well, we need her.

She knows a lot of shit about our companies that we're running perfectly legally.

Ascot sounds pretty

homosexual,

so it's pretty homosexual.

Why would they name a tie about getting into a cot and having your ass scraped?

What do we do about Kalina?

What do we do?

And Cole's like, Well, I can tell you what would happen if I was in charge.

There'd be consequences.

You would have been fired 10 years ago, Cole.

Get the fuck out of here.

You would have at least been fired this episode for that tractor bullshit.

So he's like, You damn, we see changes or she's out of here.

Yeah.

And I'm watching.

I'm like, woo, okay.

So the cliffhanger is, what are they going to do about Galena?

But just kidding.

The show continues on.

So now we go to Kansas City, big city where Allie's there going to swanky parties, doing city things, shopping, shopping, shopping.

But it's not an Allie scene.

It's Stephen.

And Stephen and Kyla,

they sit outside a restaurant.

And Stephen's like, wow, Cala, that's the most Western thing you've ever worn.

I love it.

And she's like, yeah, wow, you're pulling the chair out for me and everything.

You would think this is a date.

It's funny because we're like not together right now, right?

Right, America?

He's like, yeah, she doesn't have an apartment in Dallas yet.

So now she's in a condo in Kansas City.

So he's like, it's such a nice day.

I actually took both dogs up on the farm.

We were playing with the chickens.

It's too sweet.

Oh, ginger.

I know.

Stop mentioning that.

Like,

we're still mourning over here.

Yeah.

So they get

some skinny margs and he's gonna help her with her dallas apartment because she's like yeah dallas apartment is like so expensive get a job cala you're not married to this man what the hell why does he have to pay for everything she's like well because i thought i was going to live with him so now he has to pay for my apartment no yeah no drive uber okay

work at it's called work at mcdonald's work anywhere okay don't have this man fund your apartment man yeah yeah so she's like well at this point i put three years of my life into living in Gallatin.

I saw your tweet where you said, she said she put three years of her life living in Gallatin.

I feel like I put four into watching this show.

No, I was like, she put three years into Gallatin.

I put four hours into watching this show and I have it worse.

So she's like, she's like, look, I think I deserve something.

Yeah, you deserve

a medal for biggest dummy.

Like, she's, you deserve nothing for your choices.

Okay.

You put in your time.

You got life experience out of it.

You move to Dallas, knock on Leon Lockin's door.

I'm sure she has a spare bed in there and just start a new life.

But I'm confused because I didn't think she was living in Gallatin this whole time.

She hasn't been living in Gallatin for three years because the whole first year, she kept coming up to visit and she would, they would only get each other for like a weekend at a time.

And that was the big plot line.

Like, is she ever going to move here?

So she hasn't been here for three years.

She's crazy.

She's, she's crazy.

She's full of it.

Stupid Cala.

So then Cala.

I think she got rid of her apartment fairly recently to make a go of it but you know it's not like

it wasn't for you i want to hear it cala yeah

okay because you had your you you were given an exit path and you come crawling back get a job get out of this place don't complain about gallatin and then come back to it because that's right now yeah i'm sorry also it's the person that we're all friends with in our girlfriend groups that's like oh my god you guys we all need to have a night because i'm totally breaking up with him girl power and you're all like buying Cosmos for each other.

And you're like, we're girls.

And Ronnie's kind of one.

So yay.

And we're like, don't ever go back to him, girl.

Like that friend who's like, don't you ever go back to that loser.

And here's what we need to make sure that he ain't paying for your apartment because that needs to just be you.

Saying, yeah, girl power.

And then literally the next day, he paid for my apartment still.

Yeah.

I said the exact same thing last week.

I was like, she's one who makes you.

Yeah.

Well, because it's so obvious.

I'm not saying saying your point is, I'm saying, like,

so

one note.

Like, she's like, she is that person where then you get excited that you get your friend back and she, you take her out.

You do this whole thing and you're like, fuck Steven.

Yeah, just cheers to Steven.

Fuck him.

Rear view mirror.

And then next day, like, says Steven and I are back together, but I think he's really going to change the like, oh, fuck this girl, honestly.

Yeah.

So, um.

He's like, well, I've been dealing with the Russians, you know, and she's like, I mean, those women are both fucking psychotic.

and he's like yeah my mom is actually going to put together a family trip to the ozarks you know and a lot of us are going out there you know even uncle jimmy and aunt darla so

uncle jimmy and aunt darla the big trip uncle jimmy aunt darla life at the party you want to come you have any interest

She's like, well, as long as you think that it'll be okay, did your family even say anything about me coming?

Did your mom invite me?

He's like, yeah, they asked me.

It just makes me a little nervous.

I don't want any drama to happen.

If I get down there and people are being assholes to me, I'm leaving and then coming back right away.

To be on television.

He's like, well, I'll make sure there's no drama.

She goes, well, it does sound fun.

Like getting away would be really nice.

And I would like love to hang out with everyone.

Those fucking hillbilly fucks, fat, stupid hillbilly fucks.

What is she getting away from?

Because as far as we can tell, she has not, she refuses to get away from Stephen.

And as far as we can also tell, she has no job.

So I don't know what she's trying to get away from.

Because I'm not really sure as we can see.

Yeah.

She's trying to get away from that friend.

Like, are you back together with him yet?

So she's like, are you going to get, are you going to let loose a little bit?

He's like, we'll sleep.

Probably.

I might even say the gay word.

I mean, the G word.

I mean, the pretend I never said anything.

So

he goes for dinner.

And the producer's like,

honestly, Stephen, are you and Calla sleeping together still?

He's like, uh,

the huss are all dots

yeah so then back at the condo she's uh he's packing his guitar oh god steven please don't say you're that fucking guy at the party he's like whipping out the guitar oh god just let donny osmond do what donny osmond does don't bring your guitar to please don't because you know he only knows a g and he's trying to sing every song in one chord like steven stop stop

So the family's going down to Lake of the Ozarks and this is where we used to have a house.

We used to all go to

summer long and hang out.

And there were so many good times and so many good memories.

I can't wait to have Cala see it for the first time.

This is going to be a fun few days, days, days, days.

So they go down there and everyone's expecting a fight.

So let's see what happens.

24 hours later, partying.

Casey and Cole are fighting.

Calla's fighting with Cole.

Stephen Jr.

is fighting with Cala.

Calla's leaving to be continued.

My question is: Did they invite Tessa down to the part to the Ozarks?

Because she's the one who deserves a break.

She's the one in that garage inspecting dribbledoors and doing word documents and flyers and sticking them up everywhere.

She's the one who needs a little time at the wing.

Tessa, let me tell you something, Faye.

You're a lot of things in this family, but one thing you aren't is blood.

You ain't coming to the Ozarks.

You're a great.

All right, everybody.

Thanks so much for being with us.

We will talk to you the next time.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye.

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