#2977 RHOC S19E07 Part 1: See Ya Later, Alligator

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Speaker 1 Watch what

Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap we just love to watch on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me

Speaker 1 today

Speaker 1 is the one and only Ronnie Caram in a matching green shirt. Hi, Ronnie.
How are you? Hi. We are having a very olive green shirt day.
Yeah. We are.

Speaker 1 Mine looks darker, but only because I don't have a lot of light on it. And look at you throwing a pillow back there.

Speaker 1 Only one pillow on a chair.

Speaker 1 What the heck? Okay, dude,

Speaker 1 I'm going to fix that.

Speaker 1 Okay, you fix that.

Speaker 1 Ron is going to go take care of his pillows back there. We are here.
It's Orange County Day. We love Orange County Day.

Speaker 1 So here's what you need to know about Watch What Crappens and the Watch What Crappens experience.

Speaker 1 So we have a Patreon, patreon.com/slash watch what crappins, where you can actually do all sorts of fun things. Like you can listen to our bonus episodes.
We do a bonus episode every single week.

Speaker 1 This week, we actually told stories of our youth and being young and in the business and Ronnie's interactions with Robert Goulet and Sally Kellerman.

Speaker 1 And I talked about my interactions with Amy Sederis and Diane Cannon. And there was some, I don't remember what was my first story.
Oh, what was my first story? Was it Diane Gannon? I don't know.

Speaker 1 But we've told some really stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 stuff.

Speaker 1 We just told old stories about being young and coming up in Hollywood or just in the business in general. So that was actually a really, really fun and lovely bonus episode.
Also, crap is on demand.

Speaker 1 You can watch us, not just listen. These videos are here on Patreon for a week before they go out to our YouTube.
So that's the big, that's a... surprisingly large pitch for Patreon.

Speaker 1 You'd think we'd never talk about it before. And don't forget that this Monday we have Crappy Hour.
That's when we do a show on YouTube Live.

Speaker 1 It's also Simulcast Instagram where we talk about Bravo headlines and things like that. We have a lot of fun with it.
If you've never watched it, it's usually the two of us. Sometimes we have a guest.

Speaker 1 In fact, one of our more recent guests is a lady who has been quite the topic on Real Housewives of Orange County, Kiki Monique, which is my way of saying, let's talk about some Orange County this episode.

Speaker 1 Ronnie,

Speaker 1 what did you think about this episode? This episode to me was like, it was like Rashamon, but it was like Rahasho Simon. It was like Rosiman.

Speaker 1 It was R-H-O-C-Mon

Speaker 1 because like the number of perspectives that start to come out by the end of it, you're like, what is their truth? Well, you know, we had already spoken before this a little bit

Speaker 1 because I started the day really upset. I mean, I came on to talk to Ben and we got on the phone and I was like, what the hell? I hate these kind of episodes where things just prove me wrong.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm a Virgo. I like to have my judgments correct.
And last week,

Speaker 1 well, a couple of things happened. Last week after the recap, because look, I remember saying in last week's recap, I don't understand Tamara's motivation.
Why would she lie about this?

Speaker 1 But at the same, and I don't believe Katie, but at the same time, I don't believe Tamara either. But I hate not knowing what's going on.
It makes me crazy.

Speaker 1 And then Tamara posted, because I wrote the description for last week in the episode notes. and I said something like evil, Tamara's evil plan failed.

Speaker 1 And then Tamara commented on our, on our post on Instagram saying, what do you mean my evil plan failed? What the hell is that supposed to mean? What do I have to gain from this information?

Speaker 1 Or whatever. And I didn't respond.

Speaker 1 Then,

Speaker 1 because, of course, I was referring to you trying to turn everybody against Katie and it blew up in your face is

Speaker 1 what I meant in the description. Then I went on to Judgy Girls to talk to Courtney, which you're going to go on this week as well.

Speaker 1 And we were talking about OC and we talked about it at length a really long time. And I've just, I hate being wrong on multiple episodes and not being able to figure out what's going on.

Speaker 1 And it pissed me off. And then I watched this one and, you know, it made me mad, but here's why I'm mad because I actually have to kind of apologize.
Like, Tamara, I mean, you were right.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 ultimately,

Speaker 1 I have to even apologize to Tamara. So I'm going to do it.
I'm just going to suck it up. I was wrong.
You were right.

Speaker 1 I still don't believe the way that you handled it was proper and i still believe you're mostly an asshole on this show but when you're right you're right and this time you know what you were right so there okay there

Speaker 1 i don't know i i i actually loved it you were frustrated by it but i loved it i loved that by the end of the episode we discover that they're all lying they're all covering up their own stories they all are they're all unreliable narrators and i think that's actually a really fun and exciting space to be in normally you'd say if they're all lying, this is actually shitty because then we don't know what's true.

Speaker 1 But I think that's what's actually so funny. Like, I think as we discover, like, oh, actually, Gretchen may have said this,

Speaker 1 or she said something close to it. And then she's saying, no, I never said it, but then she does say it.
And then, and then Katie is like, well, I didn't say it, but now I did say it.

Speaker 1 But this is what I really said.

Speaker 1 And Jen's like, maybe I said it, maybe I didn't. And now Katie seems like she's going to turn on them.
It's so, first of all, they're all lying.

Speaker 1 They're all lying. Yeah, they're all lying.

Speaker 1 But I didn't see it coming that Gretchen and Slade had told everybody and then called to tell them to lie about it. You know, I mean, that was like an element lie about C.

Speaker 1 You know, because what was confusing me last week was why would Gretchen, okay, if they have this whole thing and Katie did go tell.

Speaker 1 Kiki Monique this stuff, then why wouldn't Gretchen be furious at Katie for telling Gretchen Monique, you know, for telling Kiki Monique? That was what was confusing.

Speaker 1 Like if she did do it, and it seems like she probably did, then why isn't Gretchen mad if Gretchen said that?

Speaker 1 But then we find out this week, the answer is because Gretchen and Slade thought that they had stopped it by telling Katie not to say anything.

Speaker 1 Well, all three of them are dumb because they have all, they've all made this actually much more of a scandal than it actually is. Tamara ignited something.

Speaker 1 She knew she would ignite it because Gretchen should, if this is what happened, Gretchen should just be like,

Speaker 1 well, yeah, I told her that I was concerned that I had been drugged and I went to the hospital and I got some tests done.

Speaker 1 And I think that like Gretchen is like flinching now because she's afraid she's going to get sued or something like that.

Speaker 1 But like, it's so old and it's so, it's all hearsay and it's all so silly that like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. And I don't think it's a big deal.
And on top of that, the person who brought it up on camera was Tamara. It's not Gretchen.

Speaker 1 So like, I just, I feel like the more that they are defensive and they change their stories, the more they're making it sound like this is a big scandal that someone should be, like, should be to blame for and that someone should be angry about.

Speaker 1 And honestly, it's not. I think that, I think that Gretchen had a right to, if Gretchen said that, she had a right to say,

Speaker 1 I thought that Tamara roofied me. No, because they took it even further and she said, Tamara did roof me.
She said she did get, she did test positive for drugs.

Speaker 1 She went to the hospital and they tested her and she had drugs in her system. And then she denies that she said that.
No, Gretchen said it.

Speaker 1 No, Gretchen said that she went to the hospital, but she didn't, we didn't, we saw her say that she went to the hospital, right?

Speaker 1 But it was Katie who said no, we see Gretchen lie because we see Gretchen say, well, we'll get to it in the recap. It's in the notes.

Speaker 1 But we see where Gretchen says in the van, I did have to go to the hospital. And then, oh, no, you're right.
We didn't see Gretchen say they found drugs in my system.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know. We'll have to get to it.

Speaker 1 It's too confusing. It's too much.
It's too much.

Speaker 1 But by the way, how easy it was for you to like miss that that detail is how these things get blown way out of proportion because it's a human thing to do.

Speaker 1 Like you hear like 95% of the sentence and you fill in the last little gap there. And then that also blows out of, you know?

Speaker 1 There's the added thing of you're trying to concentrate on what's happening because it's like watching the end of a mystery where everything, you're finding out the truth and everyone's stories start

Speaker 1 being told, right? So you're finding out the truth and you're trying to listen to what Gretchen is saying, but she's wearing the dumbest outfit I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 And I'm trying to concentrate on what she's saying, but I'm concentrating on what she's physically saying with that outfit. That pink thing that she was wearing with the buckles and the box news hair.

Speaker 1 It was so crazy that it threw me off. And then I rewound it and I tried to listen again, but I couldn't stop staring at the dress.
And I started thinking, who sells this? Where do you even buy this?

Speaker 1 Like, this is horrible. Like, what kind of baby Jane ass store is selling this thing in the first place? And then I start going into conspiracy theories about that.

Speaker 1 And it's like, somebody making her dress like this and why is she dressing like this what's wrong with her and then i start going into a spiral of like how could i ever believe somebody that dressed like this like has gretchen been off this show long enough that i forget that she's also a fucking liar you know and also the big camera's a liar too because

Speaker 1 camera is tamara spent all last episode saying that she doesn't drink anymore and she's sober

Speaker 1 And you will never see me like this. And now, oh, by the way, I did have a Zanax and had some drinks.
It's like to be fair, you're allowed to to lie if you're an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 That's kind of part of

Speaker 1 the world.

Speaker 1 The point is that they all forgive. They all shift their reality and their truths, and they lie all the time.
And I actually think it's hilarious. It was.
It was very funny.

Speaker 1 It's hilarious the way they do it and are always clutching their pearls. Like, me? Well, I never said that.
It's like, it was on camera. You guys are such idiots.
Oh, I thought it was great.

Speaker 1 I thought it was like a commentary on like post-modern storytelling or whatever. It just was so good.

Speaker 1 Well, it was very funny. And two judgy girls call it, Courtney said that they call it loser on loser crime.
Like you can't let yourself get upset because it's loser on loser crime.

Speaker 1 I think that's such a great term. And it's so fitting for this show because I was really worked up and I'm pissed because the first episode of that came out already.

Speaker 1 And the next one doesn't come out, I think, until tomorrow. So it sucks.
or whenever maybe today, but because we're recording this a little bit early.

Speaker 1 So whenever this thing comes out, I'm already wrong. Everyone knows I'm wrong as they're listening, if that makes any sense.

Speaker 1 So it's just sucks, you know, it just sucks for me, but it's also great for me as an audience member because what an episode. So let's get going.

Speaker 1 We just had Tamara run out of the restaurant screaming, You'll never see my face again, bitches. Is somebody gonna give me an Uber?

Speaker 1 Why I have to get my own Uber?

Speaker 1 It's not normal. I am worried right now.
Look how worried I am.

Speaker 1 did you see on Instagram she put that it's been a long rhyme peace out I'm ow she had a story about Gretchen and when Gretchen didn't believe us she got mad Gretchen's like um I'm gonna believe my friend who hasn't hurt me okay that's who I'm gonna believe

Speaker 1 Well, it was so clear that with like Kikimoni, like you weren't the one who said it, but like at the table, she went back on that and she was like, what if Gretchen did tell Katie this?

Speaker 1 Like she drinks and she's like nasty. like like who can i like she's like who can i poke right

Speaker 1 and heather's like something turned it i know i saw it i saw it all happen and of course by something turned it i mean turned wendy malak's face from normal to old and wretched is that what we're talking about no i mean i know she's going to therapy and like she's working on shepherd like you can't be a dick you can't be a dick and i'm like oh you can you can be a dick but you gotta apologize for being a dick that's how i do it

Speaker 1 you don't apologize and you can't be a dick by the way you're not you're not like allowed to be a dick but people are like if you were allowed to be a dick you wouldn't have to apologize for it so

Speaker 1 well also i love that gina and emily are looking like the non-dicks in this episode you're both dicks too gina i know you had one good episode and i'll give you credit for that but you ma'am are also a dick so let's not forget about that you know and that's another thing you can never forget on these shows you're all dicks okay and i can never let myself forget again you two were the ones snickering in the corner at heather's birthday party about gretchen's face so don't forget um so now it's the morning in new orleans people are waking up jen wakes up with the voodoo doll in her bed and she's like well i swear i didn't stick a pin in the voodoo jennifer to get tamara out of here but it's more peaceful here like going home was the smartest thing she's ever done so thank you tamara i just want to thank you i just want to thank you for going home and to my little doll jennifer in bed with me how did you you get a cut fitness shirt?

Speaker 1 How did you get a cut fitness shirt? And little pieces of Tamra's weave. That's crazy.
That's crazy. Thank you.
You look great.

Speaker 1 The little doll is like, oh my God, I woke up next to my former fatty photo. So then

Speaker 1 it's a fatty photo. Fanny photo.

Speaker 1 So she calls Ryan and she's like, oh my God, Ryan, have you been on social?

Speaker 1 We went to dinner and she was biting on everyone. And oh my God.

Speaker 1 And then Gina said, you're not going to sit at my table and come and slosh and then she left and then gina tried to take the table home because she has kids who's very very traumatic

Speaker 1 and so then gretchen calls slade who now has a mustache and she's like okay listen i know as someone who's also got an awkward mustache at the moment because of a middle-age crisis listen I don't know that I'm pulling it off or not.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to be my own judge and jury. Some people pull it off.
Some people don't. Slade, you look like Ned Flanders.
Ned Flanders. You've got to, you are totally flandersing it up.

Speaker 1 You can't do this to yourself slate the one thing you have going for you is that you're handsome get rid of the the flanders stash no offense ned flanders because you're hot in your own way

Speaker 1 he can do a mustache but not that mustache that was a flanders mustache because he already has ned flanders hair and he honestly has ned flanders bone structure so like had the doodly neighbor

Speaker 1 The worst Ned Flanders of all time and slade smiley. Well, I mean, Ned Flanders, Slade Smiley, it sort of matches.
Name-wise, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Gretchen's like, what in the serious hell monkey with this stash slade?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm freaking exhausted. Dude, Tamara keeps drops this bombshell that Katie tried to sell a story.
And I feel like she was like trying to start a fight with me and Katie.

Speaker 1 And like, then she says, I'm done. I'm like leaving.
I'm quitting the show. Like, I don't even know if she's here.

Speaker 1 Gretchen, I love when Gretchen tries to be smart and put stuff together. She's like,

Speaker 1 I felt like she was like trying to maybe start a fight with me and Katie. You think, Gretchen?

Speaker 1 Like, ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 1 You're on it. I was really on it.
Slade's like, yeah, her lies and manipulations are catching up with her. So I'm really loving this keeping Slade like limited to like a single FaceTime per episode.

Speaker 1 Like, like they're doing a really strong job of just keeping the focus on Gretchen and not Slade because Slade was always the one who dragged her down.

Speaker 1 And now that we have just really a focus on Gretchen, I'm actually a little surprised that she's not a full-fledged housewife because she is really very central to this season.

Speaker 1 But I'm also glad because if she were, then we'd have a lot more Slade and it would be I thought she was a full-time housewife. She's a friend of?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she doesn't have a she doesn't have an opening card or anything. She's a friend of.
Oh, I thought she was a full-timer.

Speaker 1 The Slade thing is funny to me because they're very tricky with keeping Slade off camera a lot, not letting him get in the mix, but then finding out in this episode how in the mix he really is.

Speaker 1 And that makes so much sense, you you know that he's really back there pulling all the strings because it's very slayed what happens so then we go to katie talking to matt and she's uh she's telling us um i didn't tell kiki monique period i didn't do it katie you're such a liar

Speaker 1 can't even katie katie in the same episode that she's found out lies another 15 times

Speaker 1 She also, I mean, this is Katie's thing. She's like, I never said that.
I never did that. Okay, I did that.
And I'm really sorry. I really am sorry.

Speaker 1 but i won't do it again yeah i really didn't do that i really didn't do this other thing okay

Speaker 1 but i only did it to one person only one person i i only told matt and i'm sorry i genuinely am sorry about that

Speaker 1 and then we get a pretty good look into this marriage because she goes uh we're going to see gators today matt and one of these bitches is going to push me in i just know it and he's like You push them first.

Speaker 1 I was like, okay, well, now we see how you two are playing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So now in Shannon's room, Emily comes over and Shannon's like in disarray as usual. Emily's like, you look stunning, princess.
Oh, well, did Tamara leave? Let's have a flashback to that moment.

Speaker 1 And then we go to last night in the car where Shannon's reading a text from Tamara that says, I'm leaving at 4 a.m. Come out with cameras.
No, you know what? No, no, I am not. I am not.
U.S.

Speaker 1 I am not the ride or die. I am no longer Tamara Judge's ride or die.
No, no, hold on one second. We do have to pull over at this door and get her a roast turkey because she didn't get to eat.

Speaker 1 Okay, we'll bring that for her. I'm not going to do just what she wants at the snap of her fingers at four in the morning.
I'm just not, but I was on the bar. I was on the bar.

Speaker 1 I was, I was standing on the bar

Speaker 1 texting Earl the Pearl about hurricanes. I mean, better late than never.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, it was the cocktail. And I showed him a picture and he said, but what about the real hurricane? I said, this is a real hurricane.
What? My drink doesn't count anymore. Really, Earl?

Speaker 1 Oh, it just reminds me of Bolly when she said, you'll never see me again and uh we saw her right after

Speaker 1 who limps

Speaker 1 and then we see the flashback which is so funny you never see me again and it's like all echoey and she runs runs out of the resort yeah

Speaker 1 so um

Speaker 1 Emily's like, it's time to go. We gotta go see Gators.
Are you manifesting? Can you manifest a hairbrush?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because Shannon sees the time as 11-11. 11-11 manifest.
I'm going to manifest

Speaker 1 maybe just a Snickers bar. I'm just a little bit hungry right now.
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Speaker 1 So now everyone's getting in the car to go Gator times and Shannon's not ready yet she's like looking for lashes and Emily is like did you guys see Tamara's post from the airport talking about mental health you know what if you're a person who's working on mental health you don't do it on Instagram you also don't join the real last wise of Orange County Yeah, and I think you do do it on Instagram.

Speaker 1 I see everybody doing it on Instagram. Guys, I'm hurting today.
Let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 That post was so Tamara.

Speaker 1 It's just like a picture of her giving a side face in the airport saying hashtag mental health is important everybody's bullying me stop the bullying hashtag traffic project it gets hard it gets better

Speaker 1 oh yeah well only old fits have ladies on instagram she's having an old lady fit by doing it on instagram that's what old ladies do

Speaker 1 I think they really have the fits on real housewives. So then

Speaker 1 another car, Gretchen, is like, she expects us to be all accountable. And Katie's like, yeah, but like, then she starts.

Speaker 1 And if you do it back to her, she runs, which is true, which is that Tamara, Tamara pokes and pokes and pokes. And the moment there's any sort of pushback, she has a meltdown and leaves.

Speaker 1 Well, I can't believe how selfish it is for her to leave. I mean, I've been taking up for her.
I've been standing up for her. When people say things, I say things back to them.

Speaker 1 How could she do this to me?

Speaker 1 You know, as a big sister to her in the rich sister, poor sister program, I feel betrayed that my mentorship is being flung back in my face as I was telling my friends, the trilatos, who have the winery.

Speaker 1 This poor person, I've put so much effort into her. I've bought her things like forks and knives and spoons and Entoman's doughnuts.
And this is how she repays me.

Speaker 1 She's talking about Gina. Gina's like, like, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Why are we talking about my two-year-old storylines?

Speaker 1 But meanwhile, Katie is lying about this whole thing because I called the journalist and Gina tells us, yeah, she called this reputable journalist.

Speaker 1 She just looked up reputable journalist and found somebody. And they verified what Tamara is saying.

Speaker 1 There's no journalist in Gina's Rolodex who I'm going to say is a reputable journalist. I'm just going to say that right now.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You were not reaching out to Diane Sawyer. You're not reaching out to like the ghost of Mike Wallace.
You're not doing any of these. You're just reaching out to another one of us.

Speaker 1 I just want to know who this reputable journalist is. I have to know who it is.
It's like the owner of like Silent Woman or something. I know.
It's probably, it's just like some, I don't know, like.

Speaker 1 Someone who has like a freelancer for like the Orange County Register or something like that.

Speaker 1 I don't know, which actually would be reputable, but still, I just don't believe that Gina has access to reputable journalists.

Speaker 1 Sorry, it's a hard pull. All the other gossip bloggers and podcasters.
Yeah. So Shannon calls.
I'm just like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 did you leave me?

Speaker 1 Why would you leave me? I was getting ready to go. I couldn't find my eyelash.
And now I'm supposed to figure out how to copy you. I don't know how to, what am I supposed to do? Because I'm a bosser.

Speaker 1 So bossy or I'm having a nervous breakdown up here.

Speaker 1 We'll see you there.

Speaker 1 It's this unexplained Shannon sobbing on the phone scene where they're just like, okay, whatever. Bye.
And

Speaker 1 like, we don't know why Shannon's sobbing. We don't know what's going on with her.
We just know she's crying on the phone. And they're like, okay.

Speaker 1 Sandwich, it's like 11 a.m. Time for her breakdown.
You're just used to Shannon having a breakdown.

Speaker 1 I think she's crying because Emily just went up to get her and said, okay, meet us downstairs and then left, just left Shannon because she took forever.

Speaker 1 Shannon's still expecting everyone to wait around and they've decided, no, we're not doing that anymore. Oh, I told her to be ready at noon.
Well, we're messing with crocodiles.

Speaker 1 I can only do one crisis at a time. All right.

Speaker 1 You guys like Tamara, we finally got rid of Tamra and now we're going to have to stare at her Animal Kingdom version all day.

Speaker 1 So they arrive at Airport Adventures,

Speaker 1 which is like, Sorry, airboat.

Speaker 1 Get it right, Ben. Okay, we're trying to work in a tie-in with airboat adventures.
Please. Airboat Adventures.
We are dressed like crocodiles. Actually, we're dressed like alligators today.

Speaker 1 We're hoping to get a free tour with airboat adventures next time we go to New Orleans, just putting it out there.

Speaker 1 So this guy, Jordan, is he's like, he's the main guy. And they're all piling into their boat.
He's one of those flat boats with a big giant like fan on the back. And then Shannon's like in the car.

Speaker 1 And she's like, okay, I just, okay, driver, could you pull over? I just, I need to do my lashes. Just please pull over.
Oh, God, where's the glue? I can't find the glue, David.

Speaker 1 David, where's the glue? Is it? Oh, my God. My eyelash glue is in my butt.

Speaker 1 I totally remember now. I sat on my eyelash glue.
Oh, God. Is there anyone who could pull it out?

Speaker 1 It is funny that they actually pull over to the side of the road for her to do her eyelashes. Oh, God, I can't find the glue now.
Why can't I find the glue? Somebody call the girls and do

Speaker 1 about the eyelash glue. Where's the mouse?

Speaker 1 So back at the Gator place,

Speaker 1 there's like a statue of a gator and Emily's asking the important questions like, is this an actual size of an alligator? That's crazy. Do they eat burritos? Because I have one in my purse.

Speaker 1 Alligator. I'm the funny one on the show.

Speaker 1 Is this the original alligator leg? Or does this alligator have a new whip?

Speaker 1 There's a callback.

Speaker 1 You guys, in Bali, I realized I was living in fear, and now I don't want to do that. Like, I can't think of anything scarier than murky water with alligators.

Speaker 1 So, today, I'm going to see if I can break through my fear.

Speaker 1 Does she know how boats and alligators work? Does she know the alligator is not going to crawl into the boat and is not going to eat up the boat?

Speaker 1 Like, is she aware about how this process is going to go? Because she is really milking this fear moment a little bit too much, if you ask me. Yeah.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like the scariest thing about going to see alligators is like looking into an animal that you could turn into with like a week without moisturizer if you really think about it i mean like lubajerm those lubajerm commercials always had that alligator slinking around yeah um

Speaker 1 i it was so funny because watching this whole sequence with the alligators it was like the first time i was like oh look that alligator is kind of cute and i realized oh that's because i'm watching the real housewise of orange county and the alternate is just a

Speaker 1 look over at like Heather de Brux. I'm like, honestly, Heather DeBrux and the rest of these ladies make the alligators look cute just because they're just so scary.
Not that they're ugly.

Speaker 1 They're beautiful. They're scary though.
And make the like, oh, look at that cute, cuddly alligator. Just wants to swim around all day and enjoy itself.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we get on the boat and Shanna's still not there. And Emily's like, my pet peeva's people being late.
We're leaving. Let's leave Shannon.
Let's leave her.

Speaker 1 And Shannon arrives in some very high heels for some reason for an alligator boat. And we just get a,

Speaker 1 I'm just like, hi, hi, sorry, sorry, sorry, girls. Sorry, sorry, alligators.
Sorry, person on the boat. Are you single? Listen, I've always wanted a man with a giant fan in the back of his car.

Speaker 1 So this actually cut it back. Are my eyelashes correct? Oh, hold on.
My butt wants to wink at you.

Speaker 1 It's still there. I couldn't get it off.
It was super glue. It was super.
The driver gave me lash super glue. So these aren't coming off for a while.
Wait a second. Is that

Speaker 1 John Jansen's son over there? Oh, hi, hi, hi. Oh, you know what? It was just just a rock sticking out of the swamp.

Speaker 1 Hi, alligator. Hey, I'm a boat person, too.

Speaker 1 I have a boat.

Speaker 1 Alligator, I love your shirts. In fact, I gave John Jansen several of your shirts.

Speaker 1 Is this the Leclerc Factory? No? Oh, okay. My bad.
And Gina's really mad.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Shanna's like, oh, wait, we can't leave. What if I need my coat? What if it suddenly gets freezing cold in the middle of Alligator Village? Please, somebody get my coat.
Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 So everybody's mad and then

Speaker 1 it gets freezing cold in the middle of a sunny bayou in the American South.

Speaker 1 What if it starts snowing at this alligator swamp?

Speaker 1 Does anybody have sunscreen? Does anybody have sunscreen?

Speaker 1 Oh, shall we sing some Christmas carols?

Speaker 1 It feels like a winter wonderland here in the bayou.

Speaker 1 I can see Sarah Palin's backyard, which is crazy.

Speaker 1 gina are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you mad are you mad gina gina's like um this is something that genuinely creates anxiety for me i have anxiety that's my storyline i couldn't get money so anxiety and um i'm really stressed out

Speaker 1 Gina on the heels of announcing that she was no longer going to live with fear is now turning this scene into somehow an expression of her anxiety.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, this is so hard for me to be on a flat-bottom tourist boat around animals that can't reach me. Okay, this is hard.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry. It's because of that's because of the water.
Well, it's not you, it's me. Oh, oh, yeah, it must be you're afraid of water.
I get it. And well, I do still feel bad.
Like, I was late.

Speaker 1 Just no, you should feel bad because you were late, you know, and you're always late. And I could get eaten by a crocodile today, and people having fights and being late.

Speaker 1 It's just like too many things. It's like too many things.
I hate when people fight, which is why I called the reporter. That's why I'm calling the reporter.
I just hate conflict.

Speaker 1 First of all, it's an alligator, not a crocodile, Gina. And second of all, we should be so lucky if you got eaten by one today during this show.
So, Shannon.

Speaker 1 The first person to ever get spit back out.

Speaker 1 I know, that's the thing. You're going to need some more scalp treatments, honey.
Like a bitch.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not eating that.

Speaker 1 I feel bad.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 Shan's like, oh, well, I'm sorry, I had an anxiety attack.

Speaker 1 So if you want to play the anxiety game, well, let's double or nothing, bitch, because I had an actual anxiety attack that was based off of real things. I'm going to link mine to a DUI.

Speaker 1 So enjoy your alligator anxiety. Mine is related to DUI and

Speaker 1 by extension, John Jansen.

Speaker 1 I couldn't even breathe.

Speaker 1 Am I breathing right now? Can has somebody hold glass under my nose? Am I breathing? Have I died?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then she tells us, oh, ever since my DUI, I've been having anxiety attacks. I just, I haven't had time to process it.
How much time do you fucking need?

Speaker 1 How many martinis do you need to process your DUI? You got a DUI. You could have killed somebody.
You had a house.

Speaker 1 You had a fucking DUI with your dog in the car. Why do we have to feel sorry for you for having a DUI? That is the craziest shit I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 She talks like she's just come back from NOM for a year. She's like, well, after everything I've gone through, you did it to yourself.

Speaker 1 I just, I haven't had time to process it,

Speaker 1 even though I spent all last year processing it on TV. So they're like, okay, fine.
So they start speeding through the bayou, looking at gators. And of course, Heather's like, I don't like it.

Speaker 1 I do not like this at all. I don't like this too fast.
I don't want to be on water in the first place. And now we're gliding by a shipwreck.
I was like, that is so mean about to say that about Gina.

Speaker 1 That's really not just like try to get along with her.

Speaker 1 But I like that they show an actual boat that's just capsized for no reason. We never find out what it is.
It's not like a pirate set piece.

Speaker 1 I thought they were going to cut to like a set piece of a pirate ship, but no, it's just someone's boat that's tipped over.

Speaker 1 It's like, this doesn't bood.

Speaker 1 Well, this does not bood. Do you understand?

Speaker 1 So they see something flip in the water and then we see an alligator. And Gina's like, um, oh my God, I don't like that at all.
I'm trying to be brave, but like, I'm feeling anxiety right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, even that alligator is Matt Shanna's knee.

Speaker 1 It's like a small, cute alligator basking in the sun on the side. It's like, and they're all like, oh, my God, it's like a baby.
It's like it's a tiny, cute alligator.

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh, my God, no, no, my God. This is like really hard from like my post-battle anxiety.
Like, I can't do this anymore.

Speaker 1 I called a very reputable journalist and he said the alligators were coming to kill us all.

Speaker 1 So when starts, a little baby starts coming at them and they're like, oh my god,

Speaker 1 and Gina's like, oh my God, where's the mom and the dad? Hey, how many of you share a room?

Speaker 1 And Katie goes, it looks vacant and small.

Speaker 1 I'm like, that's sort of what I say about Gretchen, right? She's like, I want to see a real one. So then there's one in the water.
And then Gina's like, oh, my God, where's the mom and the dad?

Speaker 1 Is the mom like really crazy and like screwing everyone up with like divorce papers and stuff?

Speaker 1 And the guy's like, Well, actually, with alligators, every male is a deadbeat dad. Oh, wow,

Speaker 1 oh, a little John Jansen in the bayou today, huh?

Speaker 1 No, Tamara can just refer to Slade as an alligator, she doesn't have to say deadbeat anymore.

Speaker 1 Funny one, queen of snarcas.

Speaker 1 Well, the mother will protect the nest you know that's how moms are and heather's like that resonates that resonates i will protect my nest as well hey alligator you should write an autobiography we'll have a party for it at no boo it's gonna be amazing is that alligator's nests within view of drake alligator's nests just wondering

Speaker 1 So Gina's like, wow, the more you just sit here with alligators, the more comfortable you are with them.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, you all seem fine with Tamra. I mean, my God,

Speaker 1 that's like the most horrifying creature on this channel. And everyone's just fine with Tamra now, you know? Even when Tamara comes in screaming and yelling, you just get used to it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but also, you're not like swimming in the murky waters with these alligators. You're on a flat boat and perfectly safe.

Speaker 1 So you don't get any sort of like medal of honor for just like going on a very standard tourist experience. Yeah.
So back at the hotel,

Speaker 1 Emily calls Shane while she's in bed with Gina. And Shane's like, what? She's like, oh, you don't look very excited to see me.
I'm busy. I'm busy over here.
Okay. He's like, yeah, thanks for calling.

Speaker 1 What are you busier than me? I've got kids. I've got family.
I've got workers here. She's like, oh, he really misses me.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then she talks about

Speaker 1 asking questions about Luke. She's talking about like his ARFID and like, you know, the link to autism.
And she feels really guilty being on this trip and

Speaker 1 Shane's like well I have dogs and workers and kids it's a lot going on here and lots of humor too God America isn't he just so funny yeah I'm sick love you say about Shane and he just hangs up on her so now let's go to bourbon house seafood Emily is wearing these heels that looks like she's been captured by pirates and is about to be thrown overboard.

Speaker 1 I've never seen heels with like manacles. Like it looked like she was chained to something.
They were huge, thick manacles on the ankles.

Speaker 1 I did not see them. You do, you need to do that.

Speaker 1 Orange County fashion is like Gina being around alligators where you just get used to it and you stop noticing it as much.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, it's totally normal. I mean, Emily is doing, definitely going for some looks this season.
There was that one confessional look where I was like, oh, well, this is...

Speaker 1 This is a choice, Emily.

Speaker 1 What is it? The one with her hair in the top ponytail or something? She needs needs to not do that

Speaker 1 what is that look look i think emily's a beautiful

Speaker 1 she looks she's a beautiful woman i really do think that but her um

Speaker 1 she looks like a shrunken head or something with that in that look i don't know what it is it's weird it's not a hit it's not a hit um so they go and heather is like oh fried oysters that's what new orleans is known for right i love it oit they call these what i love about this is people say i live in my own world around rich people, but would a rich person, would someone like that ever come to New Orleans and order a poor boy sandwich?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. I'll have one of the poor boys, please.
Now, do these sandwiches, can they be hired as servants? Can the poor boys drive cars?

Speaker 1 Ma'am. We call these Alfredo sandwiches at home.
Just stuff Alfredo full of shrimp and call it a staff meal.

Speaker 1 Okay. And Emily's like, wow, really lovely.
Really lovely, isn't it, everybody? Like Heather said, oh, it's so lovely. I'm so fancy.
I ordered fried oysters.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put a fried oyster in my purse. She's like, stop making fun of me.
Sometimes I feel like you say things to me that if I said to you, it wouldn't be okay, Emily.

Speaker 1 She's like, I can take a joke. Can we please order Emily some size 12 jeans? How dare you?

Speaker 1 How dare you?

Speaker 1 No, I could take a joke. I could take a joke.
Okay, good, because your hair looks like snufflevagus today. Snuffle of Gus.
How dare you? How dare you?

Speaker 1 And Gina's like choking on something and making a big scene. And Heather's like, are you choking? Your periostolstis isn't working.
What's happening? What is peristolstis, by the way? Peristolstis.

Speaker 1 I don't know what peristolsis is, but in 1997, I did film a television pilot called Emergency Doc and it was Emergency Comma Doc.

Speaker 1 And it was me with Patrick Dempsey smiling at each other and I did have a very funny line where I said your peristalsis isn't working because otherwise you'd be making out with me.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately he does did not pick it up to order. Actually, let me confirm.

Speaker 1 Peristalsis is a series of wave-like muscle contractions that move food through the digestive tract and other tubular organs like the esophagus and the uterus. The ureters.
Ureaders.

Speaker 1 It's an involuntary process that's crucial for digestion. See Sutton Strach on Real Housewives at Beverly Hills, which I'm still not on, and I'm very upset about.

Speaker 1 What's so funny is that Heather's having this like

Speaker 1 this sort of stern moment with Emily. And I bet in her mind, she's thinking, this is great.
This will be the centerpiece of the episode.

Speaker 1 But it's just like treated as this like random backdrop to like Gina like hacking up along like she's like choking on an oyster. And you just hear like Gina's

Speaker 1 being a fool but then you just you just hear Heather scolding Emily and she's like

Speaker 1 it's just like it's just like how Shannon was just sobbing on the phone and no one's like oh that's just what Shannon does it's like Heather scolding Emily

Speaker 1 How dare you? It's very offensive when you are mean to me. I could do mean things to you.
For example, you ask so many questions. For example, I have a question.
I have a question. That's you, Emily.

Speaker 1 That's my imitation of you. How about Dem Apples? How does that make you feel? Emily's like, okay, Heather, I'm sorry.
Thank you. That is all I needed.
Thank you. Oh, God, all in a day's work.

Speaker 1 That's a top-rated episode right there.

Speaker 1 Which reminds me of the time I was in a pilot with Drew Carey called All in a Day's Work. Unfortunately, I was recast by Nancy Travis.
It was literally all in one day's work.

Speaker 1 So that's not one of my proudest moments.

Speaker 1 where's she where's emily travis where's nancy travis now nowhere okay well hey can i have some milk just to see if nancy travis's picture is on the back great thank you hey congratulations nancy travis no one knew for a long time if your name was travis nancy or nancy travis firsty firsty commercials here comes one right now

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Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Gina's like, what have I done listening to Emily fight with Heather DeBrux? What if i died like i can't

Speaker 1 um okay so they go to the table they go to the table and um they start talking about tamara like where is she has anybody talked to her and gina's like no but she that when she left she brought up a rumor that was really horrible and like i was swinging your way katie but like i don't know what to do now but in my heart like i gotta know So I called the journalist.

Speaker 1 And you just see Katie's face like, oh, God. Oh, God.
I'm already caught. Can I just have one oyster?

Speaker 1 Yeah, last night I said, what is happening? And he said that Kiki and Katie went to lunch.

Speaker 1 And seven minutes into lunch, Katie said, like, on Naked Wasted, that like Gretchen suspected that, like, she had been, like, woofied, and like, she went to the hospital.

Speaker 1 And Katie goes, that didn't happen, though. It was happy hour, not lunch.
This whole story just needs to be dismissed. It's a very credible journalist, Katie.
Okay, like, very, very, very incredible.

Speaker 1 Like, this journalist served in Iraq. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, very, very,

Speaker 1 it was, it was Bob Woodwood and called Bernstein Lovely. I mean, we really got there.

Speaker 1 I love that Gina would know that.

Speaker 1 Gretchen's like, but that credible journalist, if they're credible, quoted in, unquoted it, then why did they call me? Like, nobody called me about it.

Speaker 1 And Gina's like, well, no, they didn't call you because they're not going to print out because they know it's on the end.

Speaker 1 They know what's on the so they're not gonna print it because if it's a lie then why are we talking about it it's like well if you don't care then like if that she sat at lunch and said that about you then like what do i care and gretchen's like i need proof i need proof and this is the truth

Speaker 1 And Heather's like, well, you have Kiki's number. Why don't you use it? And Shannon goes, well, text her.
Text her and walk to another room. Walk to another room and call her.

Speaker 1 And if you have to cry to her, you can do that too. I've done that many times.
So Jen is like, yeah, you need to go give her a heads up. Well, I don't know if I can actually call her.

Speaker 1 I mean, I do have her phone number, but, you know, I mean, it's just time differences. There's that.

Speaker 1 You know, like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 How will she know it's me? I'm afraid, you know, I'm Verizon. She's AT ⁇ T.
I'm not sure you can leave. It's very difficult.
I'm out of minutes. I'm out of minutes.
Is there a Wi-Fi in here?

Speaker 1 If only there was Wi-Fi in here, I could call her.

Speaker 1 I'm just not getting any reception. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's funny. My phone just doesn't work.

Speaker 1 Yeah. My phone doesn't work.
Whoops. My phone died.
Sorry, everybody. Well, here's a battery.
My phone fell in water. Well, there it is.
It's waterproof. Okay.
My phone has been stepped on by me.

Speaker 1 Oh, unfortunately, my phone was trampled by a Mardi Gras parade passing by in the streets.

Speaker 1 If I were Katie, I would be calling her and I would be saying, Kiki, Monique, why did you say this? I just don't know why my friend wouldn't clear this up with my other friends.

Speaker 1 This is very important. What is going on with my friend?

Speaker 1 And honestly, at this point, like, they should be saying, let's remember the whole reason why this came up.

Speaker 1 This entire thing came up because Tamara was trying to turn Katie and Gretchen against each other. It was to serve a maniacal, evil plan to just ruin friendships.
That's what this was for.

Speaker 1 And it was to get revenge on Katie for perceived slights that Camera feels.

Speaker 1 And so, like, whether Katie did say it or didn't say it the fact that they are giving it so much credence and and getting so mad about it is actually just supporting tamara and i think that's why gretchen just doesn't want to even touch it she's like i'm not going to fall into tamara's plan of having you guys turn against me even if she did say this i'm just not going to let on that i that i said it or care whatever and then gina's gina's like um well i'm sorry katie's like do you like uh Gina says, do you need blood?

Speaker 1 Like, think to yourself, do you ever tell a story? Do you ever tell a story? And Katie's like, well, you told us that, you know,

Speaker 1 you told us that story at Mastros.

Speaker 1 She said that to Gretchen because Gretchen apparently sat them all down. And Katie tells us that Jen, Ryan, Gretchen Slade, Matt, and her all went to Mastro's and Gretchen.
Mastros.

Speaker 1 God, so much shit goes down at Mastros on these shows. So much shit goes down at Mastro.
Javier's, Mastros.

Speaker 1 Anything that's in that like Costa Mesa mall is going to, it's going to happen. Where's the defined spectrum?

Speaker 1 And Jen's like, yeah, she said she was really sick from drinking. That's what I remember her saying.
I mean, was that conveyed to be more? Was it more than that?

Speaker 1 And Jen's like, listen, she never said she was roofied. I was sitting right there.
And we all know that I remember things. We all know that.

Speaker 1 Katie's like, okay, audience, I'm going to use Heather's line. Let me be clear.
Okay. Gretchen said she felt sick.
She went to the hospital.

Speaker 1 They did a toxicology report and they found drugs in her system. There, that's it.
I said it. Okay, but you're kind of outing yourself because that's basically saying she got roofied.

Speaker 1 So then who did tell Kiki Monique that told this other guy? It was you. So why are you still lying about it?

Speaker 1 But it's not quite the same as saying you got roofied because it still offers some wiggle room. Like there was drugs.
She had, maybe it was medication, maybe it was something else.

Speaker 1 Like she drank, she drank and maybe there was a reaction.

Speaker 1 Who knows? But if you tell a group of people that night at Naked Wasted, I went to this thing. They plied me with drinks.
I got so sick I had to go to the hospital.

Speaker 1 I had them run a toxicology report and they did, in fact, find drugs in my system.

Speaker 1 That's accusing somebody of roofing. I mean, to me, that's pretty, that's a pretty clear cut case.
It's very close, but I think that in the court of housewives, you still can.

Speaker 1 You still have wiggle room out of that. And in fact, they all are using this.
They're all like, like Roofie was probably not ever said. And so that's where it's like, well, she never said roofied.

Speaker 1 And that's why Katie's like, I never said roofied. What it is, was that there was drugs in the system.
And the implication is Roofy. But if you drill down, it actually could not mean that at all.

Speaker 1 But letting it hang there, which is a classic housewives move, is an implication that they all then go and run with.

Speaker 1 So Gina's like, well, everyone keeps coming into my ears about Katie. And I'm like, I've about Kitty, Kitty.
And I feel like you don't want me to like her. Oh, no, Gene, Gretchen says that.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 And Gina's like, yeah, Yeah, but I was open. Like, you came to me about Tamara, and I was open, and I listened to you.

Speaker 1 But then, when I came to you about, um, you know, when I came to you about this, you're not open. And it makes me think that maybe you did say something to Keatie, Gretchen.

Speaker 1 And then Gretchen's like, Oh, you guys defend your friend Tamra, and I can't defend my friend. And I'm like, Whoa, we hold Tamra accountable.

Speaker 1 You won't hold, hold Katie accountable, hold her accountable. You literally never hold Tamra accountable.
Never follow her around.

Speaker 1 We've watched for season after season as Tamara has like gone after people like Shannon, et cetera. And like, you just don't, you don't hold her accountable in the same way.

Speaker 1 You may give her like a slap on the wrist here or there, but you don't hold her accountable. So Gretchen is like, Katie hasn't done anything,

Speaker 1 anything to me. Tamara has done something to everyone at this table.
And it like hits them all like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Speaker 1 And they still don't think to themselves, wow, yeah, Tamara's, Tamara's garbage. We shouldn't be friends with her anymore.
They're like, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, anyway, moving on.

Speaker 1 Gretson's like, no, I can't eat. When I'm with these people, I can never eat.
I just want to believe my friend and not the person who's proven to be a liar and a manipulator and conniving person.

Speaker 1 Like, who are you going to believe, America? And so Heather's like, wow, you know what? We've been scared and we've been honest about this with you, Katie. We're just very, very terrified of you.

Speaker 1 Because what, what, what's next? What is going to happen next?

Speaker 1 I can promise you the truth will come out.

Speaker 1 Okay, guys, well, thanks for coming to New Orleans. We're all going to be traveling back a little bit later.
No, we've eaten so many beignets.

Speaker 1 And seen great episode, guys.

Speaker 1 It's going to go down as one of the Heather Dubrow, Emily, whatever her name is, fights of the century.

Speaker 1 I'm so glad we were able to find peace and resolve after that vicious vicious trailer-centering fight that Heather, that Emily and I had about how she makes fun of me and how she can't take a laugh.

Speaker 1 So now we go back to Orange County and we get the like, oh, everybody is getting reacquainted with their loved ones. Jen is telling Ryan she wrote a cock and he's like, wow.

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 1 It explains last week when we're like, cock, but it's a bull, but it's a bull. Why are they calling it a cock?

Speaker 1 Because it was a mechanical bull that they put like chicken feathers on so that they could call it a cock sorry just wanted to clarify just want to circle back to a loose end from last week thank you so much everyone

Speaker 1 you know we're very we're very reputable uh uh journalists ourselves lots of apologies today yeah we're we're the reputable journalists we're like we're on the bomb

Speaker 1 and ryan's like wow you wrote a cock maybe tonight you could try writing it shut up so then shannon calls uh sophie and it's like wow i just got back from new orleans So Sophie, you can't hear me?

Speaker 1 You can't hear Sophie? Are you there? Sophie, go outside. It's your mother.
Sophie, go outside. Oh, God, Sophie, just have another cocktail, okay?

Speaker 1 And then Sophie just lifts a beer up to the camera and it's like, yeah, mom.

Speaker 1 That is so funny. Are you driving a car right now?

Speaker 1 You are hilarious. Oh, I remembered that when you do this, I have to laugh to show that this is funny to me.

Speaker 1 And I'm not reflecting on how lonely I am in my house right now and how I can't drink when the cameras are here. Otherwise, I face the judgment of the American people.

Speaker 1 So I'll just laugh because I'm so happy. I am happy.
I am

Speaker 1 happy. Happy Christmas.

Speaker 1 So Gina gives her kids Gator gear and like, oh my God, that's real small. She's like, oh, look at that.
You can use it as a nose picker.

Speaker 1 And then we get very dramatic music, but they're still playing the old B-roll footage of like hot people doing things. It's like,

Speaker 1 someone has died. And it's like a hot, shirtless guy playing basketball.

Speaker 1 We might need some more depressing b-roll footage if we're going to play this music. But the best part was, yeah, like they showed these hot guys, shirtless, playing basketball.

Speaker 1 And this hot guy goes and he like does like a layup and just totally misses the basket. I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 well, maybe it was

Speaker 1 more of a fitting intro to a Tamara scene.

Speaker 1 Just missing the layup. Like you can be hot, but you just got to mortalize as someone who can't get the ball in the basket.

Speaker 1 Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one.
So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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