#2977 RHOC S19E07 Part 1: See Ya Later, Alligator

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap we just love to watch on Bravo.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me

today

is the one and only Ronnie Karam in a matching green shirt.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

Hi.

We are having a very olive green shirt day.

Yeah.

We are, mine looks darker, but only because I don't have a lot of light on it.

And look at you throwing a pillow back there.

Only one pillow on a chair.

What the heck?

Okay, Okay, dude, the intro.

I'm going to fix that.

Okay, you can fix that.

Ron is going to go take care of his pillows back there.

We are here.

It's Orange County Day.

We love Orange County Day.

So here's what you need to know about Watch What Crappens and the Watch What Crappens experience.

So we have a Patreon, patreon.com slash watchworkrappins, where you can actually

do all sorts of fun things.

Like you can listen to our bonus episodes.

We do a bonus episode every single week.

This week, we actually told stories of our youth and being young and in the business and Ronnie's interactions with Robert Goulet and Sally Kellerman.

And I talked about my interactions with Amy Sederis and Diane Cannon.

And there was some, I don't remember what was my first story.

Oh, what was my first story?

Was it Diane Cannon?

I don't know.

But we've told him really stuff.

Yeah, good stuff.

We just told old stories about being young and coming up in Hollywood or just in the business in general.

So that was actually a really, really fun and lovely bonus episode.

Also, crap is on demand.

You can watch us, not just listen.

These videos are here on Patreon for a week before they go out to our YouTube.

So that's the big, that's a surprisingly large pitch for Patreon.

You'd think we'd never talk about it before.

And don't forget that this Monday we have Crappy Hour.

That's when we do a show on YouTube live.

It's also Simulcast Instagram where we talk about Bravo headlines and things like that.

We have a lot of fun with it.

If you've never watched it, it's usually the two of us.

Sometimes we have a guest.

In fact,

one of our more recent guests is a lady who has been quite the topic on Real Housewives of Orange County, Kiki Monique, which is my way of saying, let's talk about some Orange County.

This episode, Ronnie,

what did you think?

What did you think about this episode?

This episode to me was like, it was like Rashamon, but it was like Rahasho Simon.

It was like Roshiman.

It was R-H-O-Simon because like the number of perspectives that start to come out by the end of it, you're like, what is their truth?

Well, you know, we had already spoken before this a little bit

because I started the day really upset.

I mean, I came on to talk to Ben and we got on the phone and I was like, what the hell?

I hate these kind of episodes where things just prove me wrong.

You know, I'm a Virgo.

I like to have my judgments correct.

And last week,

well, a couple of things happened.

Last week after the recap, because look, I remember saying in last week's recap, I don't understand Tamara's motivation.

Why would she lie about this?

But at the same, and I don't believe Katie, but at the same time, I don't believe Tamara either.

But I hate not knowing what's going on.

It makes me crazy.

And then Tamara posted, because I wrote the description for last week in the episode notes.

And I said something like,

Tamara's evil plan failed.

And then Tamara commented on our.

on our post on Instagram saying, what do you mean my evil plan failed?

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

What do I have to gain from this information?

Or whatever.

And I didn't respond.

then,

because of course, I was referring to you trying to turn everybody against Katie and it blew up in your face is

what I meant in the description.

Then I went on to Judgy Girls to talk to Courtney, which you're going to go on this week as well.

And we were talking about OC and we talked about it at length a really long time.

And I've just, I hate being wrong on multiple episodes and not being able to figure out what's going on.

And it pissed me off.

And then I watched this one and, you know, it made me mad.

But here's why I'm mad because I actually have to kind of apologize.

Like, Tamara, I mean, you were right.

So

ultimately, I have to even apologize to Tamara.

So I'm going to do it.

I'm just going to suck it up.

I was wrong.

You were right.

I still don't believe the way that you handled it was proper.

And I still believe you're mostly an asshole on this show.

But when you're right, you're right.

And this time, you know what?

You were right.

So there, okay.

There.

I don't know.

I, I, I actually loved it.

You were frustrated by it, but I I loved it.

I loved that by the end of the episode, we discover that they're all lying.

They're all covering up their own stories.

They all are, they're all unreliable narrators.

And I think that's actually a really fun and exciting space to be in.

Normally, you'd say, if they're all lying, this is actually shitty because then we don't know what's true.

But I think that's what's actually so funny.

Like, I think...

as we discover, like, oh, actually, Gretchen may have said this, or she said something close to it.

And then she's saying, no, I never said it but then she does say it and then and then Katie is like well I didn't say it but now I did say it but then but this is what I really said and Jen's like maybe I said it maybe I didn't and now Katie seems like she's gonna turn on them it's so first of all they're all lying

they're all like they're all lying yeah they're all lying but I didn't see it coming that Gretchen and Slade had had told everybody and then called to tell them to lie about it.

You know, I mean, that was like an element lie,

You know, because what was confusing me last week was why would Gretchen, okay, if they have this whole thing and Katie did go tell Kiki Monique this stuff, then why wouldn't Gretchen be furious at Katie for telling Gretchen Monique, you know, for telling Kiki Monique?

That was what was confusing.

Like if she did do it, and it seems like she probably did, then why isn't Gretchen mad if Gretchen said that?

But then we find out this week, the answer is because Gretchen and Slade thought that they had stopped it by telling Katie not to say anything.

Well, all three of them are dumb because they have all, they've all made this actually much more of a scandal than it actually is.

Tamara ignited something.

She knew she would ignite it because Gretchen should, if this is what happened, Gretchen should just be like,

well, yeah, I told her that I was concerned that I had been drugged and I went to the hospital and I got some tests done.

And I think that like Gretchen is like flinching now because she's afraid she's going to get sued or something like that.

But like, it's so old and it's so, it's all hearsay and it's all so silly that like,

I don't know.

And I don't think it's a big deal.

And on top of that, the person who brought it up on camera was Tamra.

It's not Gretchen.

So like, I, I just, I feel like the more that they are defensive and they, they change their stories, the more they're making it sound like this is a big scandal that someone should be, like, should be to blame for and that someone should be angry about.

And honestly, it's not.

I think that.

I think that Gretchen had a right to, if Gretchen said that, she had a right to say,

I thought that Tamara roofied me no because they took it even further and she said tamara did she said she did get she did test positive for drugs she went to the hospital and they tested her and she had drugs in her system and then she denies that she said that

no gretchen said it no gretchen said that she went to the hospital but she didn't we did we saw her say that we she went to the hospital right but it was katie who said no we see gretchen lie because we see gretchen say well we'll get to it in the recap it's in the notes but we see where gretchen says in the van i did have to go to the hospital and then oh no you're right we didn't see gretchen say they found drugs in my system well i don't know we'll have to get to it by the way how it's too confusing it's too much it's too much by the way how easy it was for you to like miss that detail is how these things get like blown way out of proportion because it's a human thing to do like you hear like 95 of the sentence and you fill in the last little gap there and then that also out of you know there's the these there's the added thing of you're trying to concentrate on what's happening because it's like watching the end of a mystery where everything you're finding out the truth and everyone stories start

being told right so you're finding out the truth and you're trying to listen to what gretches gretchen is saying but she's wearing the dumbest outfit i've ever seen in my life and i'm trying to concentrate on what she's saying but i'm concentrating on what she's physically saying with that outfit that pink thing that she was wearing with the buckles and the box news hair it was so crazy that it threw me off and then i rewound it and i tried to listen again but i couldn't stop staring at the dress.

And I started thinking, who sells this?

Where do you even buy this?

Like, this is horrible.

Like, what kind of baby Jane ass store is selling this thing in the first place?

And then I start going into conspiracy theories about that.

And it's like, somebody making her dress like this.

And why is she dressing like this?

What's wrong with her?

And then I start going into a spiral of like, how could I ever believe somebody that dressed like this?

Like, has Gretchen been off the show long enough that I forget that she's also a fucking liar?

You know, and also the biggest

liar too, because Tampa

Tamara spent all last episode saying that she doesn't drink anymore and she's sober and you will never see me like this.

And now, oh, by the way, I did have a Xanax and I had some drinks.

It's like, but to be fair, you're allowed to lie if you're an alcoholic.

That's kind of part of it.

But they're all

the point is that they all forgive.

They all shift their reality and their truths and they lie all the time.

And I actually think it's hilarious.

It was.

It was very funny.

It's hilarious the way they do do it and are always clutching their pearls like me well i never said that it's like it was on camera you guys are such idiots oh i thought it was great i thought it was like a commentary on like postmodern storytelling or whatever it just was so good

Well, it was very funny.

And two judgy girls call it, Courtney said that they call it loser on loser crime.

Like you can't let yourself get upset because it's loser on loser crime.

I think that's such a great term and it's so fitting for this show because I was really worked up and I'm pissed because the first episode of that came out already and the next one doesn't come out, I think, until tomorrow.

So it sucks or whenever, maybe today, but because we're recording this a little bit early.

So whenever this thing comes out, I'm already wrong.

Everyone knows I'm wrong as they're listening, if that makes any sense.

So it's just sucks, you know, it just sucks for me, but it's also great for me as an audience member because what an episode.

So let's get going.

We just had Tamara run out of the restaurant screaming, you'll never see my my face again, bitches.

Is somebody going to get me an Uber?

Why do I have to get my own Uber?

It's not normal.

I am worried right now.

Look how worried I am.

Did you see on Instagram, she put that it's been a long rhyme.

Peace out.

I'm owl.

She had a story about Gretchen, and when Gretchen didn't believe her, she got mad.

Gretchen's like, um, I'm gonna believe my friend who hasn't hurt me.

okay that's who i'm gonna believe well it was so clear that with like kiki moni like you weren't the one who said it but like at the table she went back on that and she was like what if gretchen did tell kitty this like she drinks and she's like nasty like like who can i like she's like who can i poke right

and heather's like something turned it i know i saw it i saw it all happen and of course by something turned it i mean turned wendy malak's face from normal to old and wretched is that what we're talking about no i mean i know she's going to therapy and like she's working on shepherd like you can't be a dick you can't be a dick and emily's like yo you can you can be a dick but you gotta apologize for being a dick that's how i do it

You don't apologize and you can't be a dick.

By the way, you're not, you're not like allowed to be a dick, but people are like, if you were allowed to be a dick, you wouldn't have to apologize for it.

So

also, I love that Gina and Emily are looking like the non-dicks in this episode.

You're both dicks too, Gina.

I know you had one good episode, and I'll give you credit for that, but you, ma'am, are also a dick.

So let's not forget about that.

You know, and that's another thing.

You can never forget on these shows.

You're all dicks.

Okay.

And I can never let myself forget again.

You two were the ones snickering in the corner at Heather's birthday party about Gretchen's face.

So don't forget.

So now it's the morning in New Orleans.

People are waking up.

Jen wakes up with the voodoo doll in her bed.

And she's like, Well, I swear, I didn't stick a pin in the voodoo Jennifer to get Tamra out of here, but it's more peaceful here.

Like, going home is the smartest thing she's ever done.

So, thank you, Tamra.

I just want to thank you.

I just want to thank you for going home.

And to my little doll, Jennifer, in bed with me, how did you get a cut fitness shirt?

How did you get a cut fitness shirt?

And little pieces of Tamra's weave.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

Thank you.

You look great.

The little doll is like, oh my God, I woke up next to my former fatty photo.

So then

it's a fatty photo, fanny photo.

So she calls Ryan and she's like, oh my God, Ryan, have you been on social?

We went to dinner and she was biting on everyone.

And oh my God.

And then Gina said, you're not going to sit at my table and come and slosh.

And then she left.

And then Gina tried to take the table home because she has kids.

It was very, very dramatic.

And so then Gretchen calls Slade, who now has a mustache.

And she's like, okay, listen, I know as someone who's also got an awkward mustache at the moment because of the a middle-age crisis.

Listen, I don't know that I'm pulling it off or not.

I'm not going to be my own judge and jury.

Some people pull it off.

Some people don't.

Slade, you look like Ned Flanders.

Ned Flanders.

You are totally Flandersing it up.

You can't do this to yourself, Slade.

The one thing you have going for you is that you're handsome.

Get rid of the Flanders stash.

No offense, Ned Flanders, because you're hot in your own way.

He can do a mustache, but not that mustache.

That was a Flanders mustache because he already has Ned Flanders hair and he honestly has Ned Flanders bone structure.

So like Addly Doodle neighbor.

The worst Ned Flanders of all time.

It's Slade Smiley.

Well, I mean, Ned Flanders, Slade Smiley, it sort of matches.

Name-wise.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

So Gretchen's like, what in the serious hell monkey with this stash, Slade?

I mean, I'm freaking exhausted.

Dude, Tamra keeps drops this bombshell that Katie tried to sell a story.

And I feel like she was like trying to start a fight with with me and Katie.

And like, then she says, I'm done.

I'm like leaving.

I'm quitting the show.

Like, I don't even know if she's here.

Gretchen, I like when Gretchen tries to be smart and put stuff together.

She's like,

I felt like she was like trying to maybe start a fight with me and Katie.

You think, Gretchen?

Like, ding, ding, ding.

You're on it.

I was really on it.

Slate's like, yeah, her lies and manipulations are catching up with her.

So I'm really loving this keeping Slade like limited to like a single FaceTime per episode.

Like they're doing a really strong job of just keeping the focus on Gretchen and not Slade.

Because Slade was always the one who dragged her down.

And now that we have just really a focus on Gretchen, I'm actually a little surprised that she's not a full-fledged housewife because she is really very central to this season.

But I'm also glad because if she were, then we'd have a lot more Slade and it would be I thought she was a full-time housewife.

She's a friend of?

Yeah, she doesn't have a, she doesn't have an opening card or anything.

She's a friend of.

Oh, I thought thought she was a full-timer.

But the Slade thing is funny to me because they're very tricky with keeping Slade off camera a lot, not letting him get in the mix, but then finding out in this episode how in the mix he really is.

And that makes so much sense, you know, that he's really back there pulling all the strings because it's very Slade what happens.

So then we go to Katie talking to Matt, and

she's telling us, I didn't tell Kiki Monique, period.

I didn't do it.

Katie, you're such a fucking liar.

Can't even pull Katie.

Katie, in the same episode that she's found out, lies another 15 times.

She also, I mean, this is Katie's thing.

She's like, I never said that.

I never did that.

Okay, I did that.

And I'm really sorry.

I really am sorry.

But I won't do it again.

Yeah, I really didn't do that.

I really didn't do this other thing.

Okay.

You mean what I did do that?

But I only did it to one person.

Only one person.

I only told Matt.

And I'm sorry.

I genuinely am sorry about that.

And then we get a pretty good look into this marriage because she goes, we're going to see Gators today, Matt.

And one of these bitches is going to push me in.

I just know it.

And he's like, you push them first.

I was like, okay, well, now we see how you two are playing.

Yeah.

So now in Shannon's room, Emily comes over and Shannon's like in disarray as usual.

Emily's like, you look stunning, princess.

Oh, well, did Tamara leave?

Let's have a flashback to that moment.

And then we go to last night in the car where Shannon's reading a text from Tamara that says, I'm leaving at 4 a.m.

Come out with cameras.

No, you know what?

No, no, I am not.

I am not.

U.S.

I am not the ride or die.

I am no longer Tamara Judges ride or die.

No, hold on one second.

We do have to pull over at this door and get her a roast turkey because she didn't get to eat.

Okay, I will bring that for her.

I'm not going to do just what she wants at the snap of her fingers at four in the morning.

I'm just not, but I was on the bar.

I was on the bar.

I was, I was standing on the bar

texting Earl the Pearl about hurricanes.

I I mean, better late than never.

Unfortunately, it was the cocktail.

And I showed him a picture, and he said, But what about the real hurricane?

I said, This is a real hurricane.

What, my drink doesn't count anymore?

Really, Earl?

Oh, it just reminds me of Bolly when she said, You'll never see me again.

And we saw her right after.

And then we see the flashback, which is so funny.

You never see me again.

And it's like all echoey, and she runs out out of the resort.

Yeah.

So, um,

Emily's like, it's time to go.

We gotta go see Gators.

Are you manifesting?

Can you manifest a hairbrush?

Yeah, because Shannon sees the time is 11-11.

11-11, manifest.

I'm going to manifest

maybe just a Snickers bar.

I'm just a little bit hungry right now.

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So now everyone's getting in the car to go

Gator times, and Shannon's not ready yet.

She's like looking for lashes.

And Emily is like, did you guys see Tamara's post from the airport talking about mental health?

You know what?

If you're a person who is working on mental health, you don't do it on Instagram.

You also don't join the Real Housewives of Orange County.

Yeah, and I think you do do it on Instagram.

I see everybody doing it on Instagram.

Guys, I'm hurting today.

Let's talk about it.

That That post was so tamer.

It's just like a picture of her giving a side face in the airport saying, Hashtag mental health is important.

Everybody's bullying me.

Stop the bullying.

Hashtag Trevor Project.

It gets hooked.

It gets better, bitch.

Gets better.

Oh, yeah.

Well, only old fits have ladies on Instagram.

She's having an old lady fit by doing it on Instagram.

That's what old ladies do.

I think they really have the fits on real housewives so then uh then another car gretchen is like she expects us to be all accountable and katie's like yeah but like then she starts and if you do it back to her she runs which is true which is that tamara tamara pokes and pokes and pokes and the moment there's any sort of pushback she has a meltdown and leaves Well, I can't believe how selfish it is for her to leave.

I mean, I've been taking up for her.

I've been standing up for her.

When people say things, I say things back to them.

How could she do this to me?

You know, as a big sister to her in the rich sister, poor sister program, I feel betrayed that my mentorship is being flung back in my face.

As I was telling my friends, the trilatos, who have the winery, this poor person, I've put so much effort into her.

I've bought her things like forks and knives and spoons and Entoman's doughnuts.

And this is how she repays repays me.

She's talking about Gina.

Gina's like, wait a minute.

Why are we talking about my two-year-old storylines?

Apologies.

But meanwhile, Katie is lying about this whole thing because I called the journalist.

And Gina tells us, yeah, she called this reputable journalist.

She just looked up reputable journalist and found somebody.

And they verified what Tamara is saying.

There's no journalist in Gina's Rolodex who I'm going to say is a reputable journalist.

I'm just going to say that right now.

Okay.

You were not reaching out to Diane Sawyer.

You were not reaching out to like the ghost of Mike Wallace.

You're not doing any of these.

You're just reaching out to another one of us.

I just want to know who this reputable journalist is.

I have to know who it is.

It's like the owner of like Silent Woman or something.

I know.

It's probably, it's just like some, I don't know, like

someone who has like a freelancer for like the Orange County Register or something like that.

I don't know, which actually would be reputable, but still, I just don't believe that Gina has access to reputable journalists.

Sorry, it's a hard problem.

All the other gossip bloggers and podcasters.

Yeah.

So Shannon calls.

I'm just like, oh my God,

did you leave me?

Why would you leave me?

I was getting ready to go.

I couldn't find my eyelash and now I'm supposed to figure out how to copy.

I don't know how to, what am I supposed to do?

Because I'm about to pussy or I'm having a nervous breakdown out here.

We'll see you there.

It's this unexplained Shannon sobbing on the phone scene where they just are like, okay, whatever.

Bye.

And

like, we don't know why Shannon's sobbing.

We don't know what's going on with her.

We just know she's crying on the phone.

And they're like, okay.

Sandra, it's like 11 a.m.

Time for her breakdown.

You're just used to Shannon having a breakdown.

I think she's crying because Emily just went up to get her and said, okay, meet meet us downstairs and then left, just left Shannon because she took forever.

Shannon's still expecting everyone to wait around and they've decided, no, we're not doing that anymore.

Well, I told her to be ready at noon.

Well, we're messing with crocodiles.

I can only do one crisis at a time.

All right.

You guys like Tamara, we finally got rid of Tamara and now we're going to have to stare at her Animal Kingdom version all day.

So they arrive at Airport Adventures,

which is like, sorry, Airboat.

Get it right, Ben.

Okay.

We're trying to work in a tie-in with airboat adventures.

Please.

Airboat Adventures.

We are dressed like crocodiles.

Actually, we're dressed like alligators today.

We're hoping to get a free tour with Airboat Adventures next time we go to New Orleans, just putting it out there.

So this guy, Jordan, is he's the main guy.

And they're all piling into their boat.

He's one of those flat boats with a big, giant fan on the back.

And then Shannon's like in the car and she's like, okay, I just, okay, driver, could you pull over?

I just, I need to do my lashes.

Just please pull over.

Oh, God, where's the glue?

I can't find the glue, David.

David, where's the glue?

Is it, oh my God, my eyelash glue is in my butt.

I totally remember now.

I sat on my eyelash glue.

Oh, God, is there anyone who can pull it out?

It is funny that they actually pull over to the side of the road for her to do her eyelashes.

Oh, God, I can't find the glue now.

Why can't I find the glue?

Somebody call the girl.

I can't find the eyelash glue.

Where's the mouse?

I get the eyelash glue.

So back at the Gator place,

there's like a statue of a gator and Emily's asking the important questions like, is this an actual size of an alligator?

That's crazy.

Do they eat burritos?

Because I have one in my purse.

Alligator.

I'm the funny one on the show.

Is this the original?

Is this the original alligator leg?

Or does this alligator have a new whip?

The callback.

You guys, in Bali, I realized I was living in fear.

And now I don't want to do that.

Like, I can't think of anything scarier than murky water with alligators.

So today, I'm going to see if I can break through my fear.

Does she does she know how boats and alligators work?

Does she know the alligator is not going to crawl into the boat and is not going to eat up the boat?

Like, does she, is she aware about how this process is going to go?

Because she is really milking this fear moment a little bit too much, if you ask me.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, i've i feel like the scariest thing about going to see alligators is like looking into an animal that you could turn into with like a week without moisturizer if you really think about it i mean like lubajerm those lubaderm commercials always had that alligator slinking around yeah um

I it was so funny because watching this whole sequence with the alligators, it was like the first time I was like, oh, look, that alligator is kind of cute.

And I realized, oh, that's because I'm watching the Real Housewise of Orange County and the alternate is just a

look over at like Heather DeBrux.

I'm like, honestly, Heather DeBrux and the rest of these ladies make the alligators look cute just because they're just so scary.

Not that they're ugly.

They're beautiful.

They're scary though.

And make the like, oh, look at that cute, cuddly alligator.

Just wants to swim around all day and enjoy itself.

Yeah.

So we get on the boat and Shanna's still not there.

And Emily's like, my pet peevas people being late.

We're leaving.

Let's leave Shannon.

Let's leave her.

And Shannon arrives in some very high heels for some reason for an alligator boat.

And we just get a,

I'm just like, hi, hi, sorry, sorry, sorry, girls.

Sorry, sorry, alligators.

Sorry, person on a boat.

Are you single?

Listen, I've always wanted a man with a giant fan in the back of his car.

So this actually could work.

Are my eyelashes correct?

Oh, hold on.

My butt wants to wink at you.

It's still there.

I couldn't get it off.

It was super glue.

It was super.

The driver gave me lash super glue.

So these aren't coming off for a while.

Wait a second.

Is that, is that John Jansen's son over there?

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, you know what?

It was just a rock sticking out of the swamp.

Hi, Alligator.

Hey, I'm a boat person, too.

I have a boat.

Alligator, I love your shirts.

In fact, I gave John Jansen several of your shirts.

Is this the Lookout Factory?

No?

Oh, okay.

My bad.

And Gina's really mad.

So

Shanna's like, oh, wait, we can't leave.

What if I need my coat?

What if it suddenly gets freezing cold in the middle of alligator village?

Please, somebody get my coat.

Okay, thank you.

So everybody's

freezing cold in the middle of a sunny bayou in the American South.

What if it starts snowing at this alligator swamp?

Does anybody have sunscreen?

Does anybody have sunscreen?

Oh, shall we sing some Christmas carols?

It feels like a winter wonderland here in the bayou.

I can see Sarah Palin's backyard, which is crazy.

Gina, are you?

Are you?

Are you?

Are you?

Are you?

Are you?

Are you mad?

Are you mad, Gina?

Gina's like, um, this is something that genuinely creates anxiety for me.

I have anxiety.

That's my storyline.

I couldn't get money.

So anxiety.

And

I'm really stressed out.

Gina on the heels of announcing that she was no longer going to live with fear is now turning this scene into somehow an expression of her anxiety.

Oh my god, this is so hard for me to be on a flat-bottom tourist boat around animals that can't reach me.

Okay, this is hard.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's because of that's because of the water.

Well, it's not you, it's me.

Oh, oh, yeah, it must be you're afraid of water.

I get it.

And well, I do still feel bad.

Like, I was late.

Just no, you should feel bad because you were late, you know, and you're always late.

And I could get eaten by a crocodile today, and people having fights and being late.

And it's just like too many things.

It's like too many things.

I hate when people fight, which is why I called the reporter.

That's why I'm calling a reporter.

I just hate conflict.

First of all, it's an alligator, not a crocodile, Gina.

And second of all, we should be so lucky if you got eaten by one today during this show.

So, Shan, the first person to ever get spit back out.

I know that's the thing.

You're going to need some more scalp treatments, honey.

Like a bitchy.

It's like, I'm not eating that.

It's like, I feel bad.

So

Shan's like, oh, well, I'm sorry.

I had an anxiety attack.

So if you want to play the anxiety game, well, let's double or nothing, bitch, because I had an actual anxiety attack that was based off of real things.

I'm going to link mine to a DUI.

So enjoy your alligator anxiety.

Mine is related to DUI and by

extension, John Jansen.

I couldn't even breathe.

Am I breathing right now?

Can somebody hold glass under my nose?

Am I breathing?

Have I died?

And

then she tells us, oh, ever since my DUI, I've been having anxiety attacks.

I just, I haven't had time to process it.

How much time do you fucking need?

How many martinis do you need to process your DUI?

You got a DUI.

You could have killed somebody.

You had a house.

You had a fucking DUI with your dog in the car.

Why do we have to feel sorry for you for having a DUI?

That is the craziest shit I've ever heard.

She talks like she's just come back from NOM for a year.

She's like, well, after everything I've gone through, you did it to yourself.

I just, I haven't had time to process it,

even though I spent all last year processing it on TV.

So they're like, okay, fine.

So

they start speeding through the bayou, looking at gators.

And of course, Heather's like, I don't like it.

I do not like this at all.

I don't like this too fast.

I don't want to be on water in the first place.

And now we're gliding by a shipwreck.

I was like, that is so mean about to say that about gina that's really not just like try to get along with her but i like that they show an actual boat that's just capsized for no reason we never find out what it is it's not like a pirate set piece i thought they were going to cut to like a set piece of a pirate ship but it no it's just someone's boat that's tipped over

it's like this doesn't bood well this does not bood do you understand

So they see something flip in the water and then we see an alligator and Gina's like, oh my God, I don't like that at all.

I'm trying to be brave, but I'm feeling anxiety right now.

Oh my God, even that alligator is Matt to Shanna's knee.

It's like a small, cute alligator basking in the sun on the side.

It's like, and they're all like, oh my God, it's like a baby.

It's like it's a tiny cute alligator.

And she's like, oh my God, no, no, my God.

This is like really hard from like my post-battle anxiety.

Like, I can't do this anymore.

I called a very reputable journalist, and he said the alligators were coming to kill us all.

So, when starts, a little baby starts coming at them, and they're like, Oh my God,

and Gina's like, Oh my God, where's the mom and the dad?

Hey, how many of you share a room?

And Katie goes, It looks vacant and small.

I'm like, that's sort of what I say about Gretchen, right?

She's like, I want to see a real one.

So then there's one in the water, water, and then she's like, oh my god, where's the mom and the dad?

Is the mom like really crazy and like screwing everyone up with like divorce papers and stuff?

And the guy's like, well, actually, with alligators, every male is a deadbeat dad.

Oh, wow.

Oh, a little John Jansen in the bayou today, huh?

No, Tamara can just refer to Slade as an alligator.

She doesn't have to say deadbeat anymore.

Funny one, Queen of snorkel cousin.

Well, the mother will protect the nest, you know, that's how moms are.

And Heather's like, that resonates.

That resonates.

I will protect my nest as well.

Hey, alligator, you should write an autobiography.

We'll have a party for it at Nobu.

It's going to be amazing.

Is that alligator's nest within view of Drake alligator's nests?

Just wondering.

So Gina's like, wow, the more you just like sit here with alligators, the more comfortable you are with them.

Like, yeah, you all seem fine with Tamra.

I mean, my God,

that's like the most horrifying creature on this channel.

And everyone's just fine with Tamra now.

You know, even when Tamara comes in screaming and yelling, you just get used to it.

Yeah, but also you're not like swimming in the murky waters with these alligators.

You're on a flat boat and perfectly safe.

So you don't get any sort of like medal of honor for just like going on a very standard tourist experience.

Yeah.

So back at the hotel,

Emily calls Shane while she's in bed with Gina.

And Shane's like, what?

She's like, oh, you don't look very excited to see me.

I'm busy.

I'm busy over here, okay?

It's like, yeah, thanks for calling.

What are you busier than me?

I've got kids.

I've got family.

I've got workers here.

She's like, oh, he really misses me.

Yeah.

And she talks about,

asking questions about Luke.

She's talking about like his ARFID and like, you know, the link to autism.

And she feels really guilty being on this trip.

And

Shane's like, well, I have dogs and workers and kids.

It's a lot going on here.

And lots of humor, too.

God, America, isn't he just so funny?

Yeah, I'm sick.

Love you.

Say it back, Shane.

I mean, just hangs up on her.

So now let's go to Bourbon House Seafood.

Emily is wearing these heels that looks like she's been captured by pirates and is about to to be thrown overboard.

I've never seen heels with like manacles.

Like it looked like she was chained to something.

They were huge, thick manacles on the ankles.

I did not see them.

You do?

You need to?

No, Orange County fashion is like Gina being around alligators where you just get used to it and you stop noticing it as much.

It's like, oh, it's totally normal.

I mean, Emily is doing, definitely going for some looks this season.

There was that one confessional look where I was like, oh, well, this is

this is a choice, Emily.

What is it?

The one with her hair in the top ponytail or something?

She needs to not do that.

What is that look?

Look, I think Emily's a beautiful.

She's a beautiful woman.

I really do think that.

But her,

she looks like a shrunken head or something with that.

in that look i don't know what it is it's weird it's not a hit it's not a hit um so they go and heather is like ooh fried oysters that's what new orleans is known for right i love it.

They call these.

What I love about this is people say I live in my own world around rich people, but would a rich person, would someone like that ever come to New Orleans and order a poor boy sandwich?

I don't think so.

I'll have one of the poor boys, please.

Now, do these sandwiches, can they be hired as servants?

Can the poor boys drive cars?

Ma'am.

We call these Alfredo sandwiches at home.

Just stuff Alfredo full of shrimp and call it a staff meal.

Okay.

And Emily's like, wow, really lovely.

Really lovely, isn't it, everybody?

Like Heather said, oh, it's so lovely.

I'm so fancy.

I ordered fried oysters.

I'm going to put a fried oyster in my purse.

She's like, stop making fun of me.

Sometimes I feel like you say things to me that if I said to you, it wouldn't be okay, Emily.

She's like, I can take a joke.

Can we please order Emily some size 12 jeans?

How dare you?

How dare you?

No, I could take a joke.

I could take a joke.

Okay, good, because your hair looks like snuffle officers today.

Snuffle officus!

How dare you?

How dare you?

And Gina's like choking on something and making a big scene.

And Heather's like, are you choking?

Your periostolstis isn't working.

What's happening?

What is peristolstis, by the way?

Peristolstis.

I don't know what peristolstis is, but in 1997, I did film a television pilot called Emergency dock and it was emergency comma doc and it was me with Patrick Dempsey smiling at each other and I did have a very funny line where I said your peristalsis isn't working because otherwise you'd be making out with me.

Unfortunately he has did not pick it up to order.

Actually, let me confirm.

Peristalsis is a series of wave-like muscle contractions that move food through the digestive tract and other tubular organs like the esophagus and the uterus.

The ureters.

Ureaders.

It's an involuntary process that's crucial for digestion.

See Sutton Strach on Real Housewives at Beverly Hills, which I'm still not on and I'm very upset about.

What's so funny is that Heather's having this like...

this sort of stern moment with Emily.

And I bet in her mind, she's thinking, this is great.

This will be the centerpiece of the episode.

But it's just like treated as this like random backdrop to like Gina like hacking up along like she's like choking on an oyster and you just hear like Gina's

being a fool, but then you just you just hear Heather scolding Emily and it's just like that

like it's just like it's just like how Shannon was just sobbing on the phone and no one's like, oh, that's just what Shannon does.

It's like Heather scolding Emily.

How dare you?

It's very offensive when you are mean to me.

I could do mean things to you.

For example, you ask so many questions.

For example, I have a question.

I have a question.

That's you, Emily.

That's my imitation of you.

How about Dem apples?

How does that make you feel?

Emily's like, okay, Heather.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

That is all I needed.

Thank you.

Oh, God, all in a day's work.

That's a top-rated episode right there.

Which reminds me of the time I was in a pilot with Drew Carey called All in a Day's Work.

Unfortunately, I was recast by Nancy Travis.

It was literally all in one day's work.

So that's not one of my proudest moments.

Where's she?

Where's Emily Travis?

Where's Nancy Travis now?

Nowhere.

Okay.

Well, hey, can I have some milk just to see if Nancy Travis's picture is on the back?

Great.

Thank you.

Hey, congratulations, Nancy Travis.

No one knew for a long time if your name was Travis Nancy or Nancy Travis.

Firsty, firsty.

Commushes.

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So Gina's like, what if I died listening to Emily fight with Heather DeBrux?

What if I died?

Like, I can't.

Okay, so they go to the table.

They go to the table and they start talking about Tamara.

Like, where is she?

Has anybody talked to her?

And Gina's like, no, but she that when she left, she brought up a rumor.

that was really horrible.

And like, I was swinging your way, Katie.

But like, I don't know what to do now.

But in my heart, like, I gotta know.

So I called the journalist.

And you just see Katie's face, like, oh, God.

Oh, God.

I'm already caught.

Can I just have one oyster?

Yeah, last night I said, what is happening?

And he said that Kiki and Katie went to lunch.

And seven minutes into lunch, Katie said, like, on Naked Wasted, that, like, Gretchen suspected that, like, she had been, like, woofied.

And, like, she went to the hospital.

And Kitty goes, that didn't happen though.

It was happy hour, not lunch.

This whole story just needs to be dismissed.

It's a very credible journalist, Katie.

Okay.

Like very, very, very credible.

Like this journalist served in Iraq.

Okay.

Yeah, very, very good.

It was Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein level.

I mean, we really got there.

I love that Gina would know that.

I know.

Gretchen's like, but that credible journalist, if they're credible, quoted it, unquoted it, then why didn't they call me?

Like, nobody called me about it.

And Gina's like, well, no, they didn't call you because they're not going to print it because they know it's on the they know what's on the so they're not going to print it.

And she's going to say, if it's a lie, then why are we talking about it?

She's like, well, if you don't care, then like if she sat at lunch and said that about you all, then like,

what do I care?

And Gretchen's like, I need proof.

I need proof and this is the truth

and heather's like well you have kiki's number why don't you use it and shannon goes well text her text her and walk to another room um walk to another room and and and and call her and if you have to cry to where you can do that too i've done that many times so jen is like yeah you need to go give her a heads up well i don't know if i can actually call her i mean i do have her phone number but you know it's i mean it's just time differences there's that um you know like i don't know

how else you know it's me i'm afraid you know i'm i'm verizon she's at t i'm i'm not sure you can really it's very difficult i'm out of minutes i'm out of minutes is there a wi-fi in here if only there was wi-fi in here i could call her

i'm just not getting any reception yeah it's rough funny my phone just doesn't work

yeah the phone doesn't work whoops my phone died sorry everybody well here's a battery my phone fell in water well there it's waterproof okay my phone has been stepped on by me so i can't go oh unfortunately my phone was trampled by a Mardi Gras parade passing by in the streets.

If I were Katie, I would be calling her and I would be saying, Kiki, Monique, why did you say this?

I just don't know why my friend wouldn't clear this up with my other friends.

This is very important.

What is going on with my friend?

And honestly, at this point, like they should be saying, let's remember the whole reason why this came up.

This entire thing came up because Tamara was trying to turn Katie and Gretchen against each other.

It was to serve a maniacal, evil plan to just ruin friendships.

That's what this was for.

And it was to get revenge on Katie for perceived slights that Tamara feels.

And so like whether Katie did say it or didn't say it, the fact that they are giving it so much credence and getting so mad about it is actually just supporting Tamara.

And I think that's why Gretchen just doesn't want to even touch it.

She's like, I'm not going to fall into Tamara's plan of having you guys turn against me.

Even if she did say this, I'm just not going to let on that I said it or care or whatever.

And then Gina's, Gina's like, well, I'm sorry, Katie's like, do you like,

Gina says, do you need blood?

Like, think to yourself, do you ever tell a story?

Do you ever tell a story?

And Katie's like, well, you told us that, you know,

you told us that story at Mastros.

She said that to Gretchen because Gretchen apparently sat them all down.

And Katie tells us that Jen, Ryan, Gretchen Slade, Matt, and her all went to Mastro's and Gretchen Shaw.

Mastros.

God, so much shit goes down at Mastros on these shows.

So much shit goes down at Mastro's.

Javier's Mastro's.

Anything that's in that like Costa Mesa mall is going to happen.

Or is it the airline spectrum?

And Jen's like, yeah, she said she was really sick from drinking.

That's what I remember her saying.

I mean, was that conveyed to be more?

Was it more than that?

And Jen's like, listen, she never said she was roofied.

I was sitting right there.

And we all know that I remember things.

We all know that.

Katie's like, okay, audience, I'm going to use Heather's line.

Let me be clear.

Okay.

Gretchen said she felt sick.

She went to the hospital.

They did a toxicology report and they found drugs in her system.

There.

That's it.

I said it.

Okay, but you're kind of outing yourself because that's basically saying she got roofied.

So then who did tell Katie, Kiki Monique that told this other guy?

It was you.

So why are you still lying about it?

But it's not quite the same as saying you got roofied because it still offers some wiggle room.

Like there was drugs.

She had, maybe it was medication.

Maybe it was something else.

Like she drank, she drank and maybe there was a reaction.

Who knows?

But if you tell a group of people that night at Naked Wasted, I went to this thing.

They plied me with drinks.

I got so sick I had to go to the hospital.

I had them run a toxicology report and they did in fact find drugs in my system.

That's accusing somebody of roofing.

I mean, to me, that's pretty, that's a pretty clear cut case.

It's very close, but I think that in the court of housewives,

you still have wiggle room out of that.

In fact, they all are using this.

They're all like, like, Roofy was probably not ever said.

And so that's where it's like, well, she never said Roofied.

And that's why Katie's like, I never said Roofied.

What it is, was that there was drugs in the system.

And the implication is Roofy.

But if you drill down, it actually could not mean that at all.

But letting it hang there, which is a classic housewives move, is an implication that they all then go and run with.

Hmm.

So Gina's like, well, everyone keeps coming into my ears about Katie.

And I like about Kitty, Kitty.

And I feel like you don't want me to like her.

Oh, no, Gene, Gretchen says that.

Sorry.

And Gina's like, yeah, but I was open.

Like, you came to me about Tamara and I was open and I listened to you.

But then when I came to you about,

you know, when I came to you about.

this you're not open and it makes me think that maybe you did say something to kitty gretchen and then gretchen's like oh you guys defend your friend tamara and i can't defend my friend and i'm like whoa we hold tamara accountable you won't hold hold katie accountable hold her accountable you literally never hold tamara accountable never follow her around

we've watched for season after season as tamara has like gone after people like shannon etc and like you just don't you don't hold her accountable in the same way you may give her like a slap on the wrist here or there but you don't hold her accountable so gretchen gretchen is like kitty hasn't done anything to again, anything to me.

Tamara has done something to everyone at this table.

And it like hits them all like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And they still don't think to themselves, wow, yeah, Tamara's, Tamara's garbage.

We shouldn't be friends with her anymore.

They're thinking okay.

Well, anyway, moving on.

Gretchen's like, no, I can't eat.

When I'm with these people, I can never eat.

I just want to believe my friend and not the person who's proven to be a liar and a manipulator and conniving person.

Like, who are you going to believe, America?

And so Heather's like, well, you know what?

We've been scared and we've been honest about this with you, Katie.

We're just very, very terrified of you.

Because, what, what, what's next?

What is going to happen next?

I can promise you the truth will come out.

Okay, guys.

Well, thanks for coming to New Orleans.

We're all going to be traveling back a little bit later.

No, we've eaten so many beignets.

And seen great Great episode, guys.

It's going to go down as one of the Heather Dubrow, Emily, whatever her name is, fights of the century.

I'm so glad we were able to find peace and resolve after that vicious trailer-centering fight that

Emily and I had about how she makes fun of me and how she can't take a laugh.

So now we go back to Orange County and we get the like, oh, everybody is getting reacquainted with their loved ones.

Jen is telling Ryan she wrote a cock, and he's like, wow,

huh?

It explains last week when we're like, cock, but it's a bull, but it's a bull.

Why are they calling it a cock?

Because it was a mechanical bull that they put like chicken feathers on so that they could call it a cock.

Sorry.

Just wanted to clarify.

Just want to circle back to a loose end from last week.

Thank you so much, everyone.

You know, we're very, we're a very reputable journalist ourselves.

Lots of apologies today.

Yeah, we're the reputable journalists we're like we're all in the bomb

and ryan's like wow you wrote a cock maybe tonight you could try writing it shut up so then shannon calls uh sophie and it's like well i just got back from new orleans so sophie you can't hear me you can't hear sophie are you there sophie go outside and listen it's your mother Sophie, go outside.

Oh, God, Sophie, just have another cocktail, okay?

And then Sophie just lifts a beer up to the camera and it's like, yeah, mom.

That is so fun.

Are you driving a car right now?

You are hilarious.

Oh, I remembered that when you do this, I have to laugh to show that this is funny to me.

And I'm not reflecting on

how lonely I am in my house right now and how I can't drink when the cameras are here.

Otherwise, I face the judgment of the American people.

So I'll just laugh because I'm so happy.

I am happy.

I am happy.

Happy Christmas.

So Gina gives her kids Gator gear and like, oh my God, that's real small.

She's like, oh, look at that.

You can use it as a nose picker.

And then we get very dramatic music, but they're still playing the old B-roll footage of like hot people doing things.

It's like,

someone has died.

And it's like a hot, shirtless guy playing basketball.

You guys

might need some more depressing B-roll footage if we're going to play this music.

But the best part was, yeah, like they showed these hot guys, shirtless, playing basketball.

And this hot guy goes, and he like does like a layup and just totally misses the basket.

I was like, oh,

well, maybe it was

more of a fitting intro to a Tamara scene.

Just missing the layup.

Like, you can be hot, but you just got to mortalize as someone who can't get the ball in the basket.

Hello there.

This is a two-part recap.

Okay.

This is the end of part one.

So thank you so much for listening to this.

Just come back a little later for part two.

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