#2983 McBee Dynasty S02E09: Networkin’ at the Car Wash, Girl

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Watch what crap is,

watch what craft is.

What happens with this?

So much that rapids watch what craft is.

What happens with this?

So much that crap is.

Oh, well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today,

Ronnie Carom.

Hi, Ronnie.

How's it going?

So good.

How's it going over there with you, baby?

Just fabulous.

Just absolutely fabulous.

Having a great week over here.

Everyone, go check out the podcast that we've been on recently, Two Judgy Girls, Morally Corrupt with Rachel Lindsay, and keep it which i think is actually not out until thursday and uh today we're talking mcb dynasty also

come join us on patreon patreon.com slash watch what crap ends we do crap is on demand where we have video you can watch us on video which is always fun and then also we do a weekly bonus episode this week's bonus will be

love island reunion wish us luck it was it was it was a very long reunion very long uninterrupted reunion.

But it was also a very fun reunion.

We got to see, I've never seen so many people get moved around a set as that reunion.

I mean, people were in different seats every three seconds.

They were constantly...

It was like a

weird Tetris game that they were playing on there.

So we will be talking about that on our Patreon exclusively.

So that's at patreon.com slash watchworkrappens.

But other than that, Ronnie, anything else you have to share?

Anything you want to say?

Anything you want to feel?

Anything you want to emote?

I feel

nothing.

Nope, I'm just glad to be here.

And I was really happy with this episode of McBee because my man Jesse came through.

He came through.

Jesse, I love you so much.

I just love you.

I think you did, do you just do the right thing?

You're so cute.

I do want to know what's under that hat.

Somebody sent us a message saying, what's under his hat?

Why don't we ever see his head?

And I think that that's true.

I don't think we've ever seen his head.

Even when he's not in the cowboy hat, he'll wear like a a scully or a baseball cap or something.

Have we ever seen this head?

Maybe, I'm not sure.

I thought like he took it off at one point.

I'm not sure.

This was by far the best episode of the season for me, mainly because it ended with next week on the season finale.

And I was like, oh, great.

Great.

I'm so upset.

I hope they do like a 10-part reunion.

Oh, God.

Yeah, it'll be a reunion.

It'll be like Cole sitting next to a pile of soybeans talking about their relationship.

Remember that time I said I was going to bring back our beer and I brought him root beer?

Jessa, walk us through, walk us through the fonts you chose for the gender revealed.

Has that your first time using Microsoft Art?

Whatever it was, print shop.

Freemason, last we saw in a McBee dynasty, the McBees were racing against the clock, cutting soybeans day and night so the firm could say work.

Combines, combines, and Galena couldn't shake that mossy curse.

You killed my chickens, you ruined my car.

Do you live in your own world?

Uh, do you live in your own freaking world, you stupid bitch?

Well, I wish her all the luck in the world, and as for Jesse Boy, that poor little boy got a serious case of Crofe, and no wonder, because that poor little boy got breathed up over the earth.

He got it pre-up word dribbledore.

If he don't, if he don't sign that breed-up, she may get full possession of dribbledor.

She might own 12% of dribbled door action.

I ain't gonna do it.

We're gonna have to cut that dribbledore in half like King David and give half of it to her and half of it to King Solomon.

How'd that go again?

That story.

Yeah, you know, all the rumors about McBee dynasty, or I should say, stories.

You know, the mom was the one with all the money.

Like she was from a family with all this money and the husband was cheating on her and doing, you know, we know how the husband is, that piece of shit, Stephen Sr.

and then ended up draining all their accounts and stuff when he left her.

So he's the one worried and saying, oh, women steal everything.

Women want to steal your soul.

When he was the one who did that, what a piece of shit.

And what a piece of shit all these little guys are running around acting like that's totally normal.

And women are trying to rob them of everything.

What are they trying to rob you of?

The nothing that you have?

You think your wife wants 12% of your fucking prison sentence?

You losers.

Yeah.

Like, I don't, yeah, I don't think these women are scrounging around or like really excited to take a claim of Cole's dirty Haynes underwear.

Cole's keto dust.

Get the fuck out of here.

I know.

Yeah, seriously.

Oh, like, God forbid.

Like, well, watch out for Allie.

She's going to take the combine and drive her through the mean streets of Kansas City.

Meanwhile, you've got someone with an actual career, Allie, and they're like, Oh, what's she gonna steal from us?

It's like, Well,

I'm sure you don't have any books for her to steal or something she would actually find interesting.

You know,

she's already got more intelligence than all of you put together.

Okay, things that she won't be stealing from the McBee uh estate,

deodorant because there is none

on your time subscription,

pubic hair trimmers, because I know you all got freaking

70s bush counties.

Yeah.

Nose hair trimmers.

So

Jesse and Allie.

Okay, so where you left off last week, Jesse's like,

I have to talk about my feelings.

I got a nervous breakdown or something.

And Allie's like, um,

gross.

Okay, so we go back to that.

And he's still on the bed, like kind of wiping his eyes like he's crying.

And he's like, I just don't know if I can do this anymore.

And she's like, well, I wish I knew you were feeling this way because you could come to me with this kind of things.

Like, look at my face right now.

Look how sympathetic it is.

Okay.

What is my, my face saying right now?

It looks like you smell a fart.

Yeah.

So I just, please feel free to come to me, you know, because it's scary.

Like our parents' marriages didn't work out.

And now we've got all these people saying like high school sweethearts don't work out.

I mean, it's a lot of pressure.

Yeah.

I mean, I think that we're going to work out because all I'm doing is sacrificing my friends, family, social life, and job to come live on a remote farm.

And I surely won't have any sort of resentments and wonder if there was another world out there besides the one man I've ever been with for the past 12 years.

It'll work out great, Jesse.

Yeah, it's not going to be great.

And

she's like, well, you know, I want to make sure i'm the best wife for you and we're going to have the best marriage and things like that too late

yeah so she cries to the producer and uh she's like i mean i appreciate him being strong for me you know i want him to come with me with things so i'm trying to be strong for him so he knows he can come to me but god damn he's such a wuss when he's crying i can't marry a wuss

you know

i mean i guess i'm largely on allie's side because i'm generally always anti-mcb but i also don't like that Jesse's like, I guess I have one of these queer things called an anxiety attack.

And she's like, well, I just like wish that like.

I knew that you were feeling this way.

Cause it's like, it's like, I hate when people do that.

Like, okay, I know that you almost had a heart attack on your fucking combine because you're going through such anguish right now.

But like, I wish I would have known.

It's like, just let the man like have like the one moment that you will ever see in the rest of your life where he's trying to be emotionally honest with you.

Don't make me stand up for a McBee.

Okay.

But, you know, like you should be, you should be able to go to your partner and be like, this is how I feel.

But this family is just so dead inside.

They don't feel anything.

And this poor guy is like walking around telling everyone like, I think I'm having panic attacks.

And they're like,

well, maybe it's because you're getting married to a woman who's going to steal from you.

So here's what you need to do.

You need to get her to sign a premed up before she steals everything.

Like, you're not helping, family.

None of you are helping.

I mean, she's like, oh, there's high expectations, but I am excited and ready to marry you.

For your own sanity, though, is postponing the wedding something that would be like helpful right now?

Should we postpone it?

I think we should postpone it because you know what?

There's actually a triathlon I really want to do on our wedding day.

Let's just, you know what?

How about this?

How about I move back to Kansas City?

You work on the farm, and then we just sort of like Peter out.

How about that?

He's like,

I don't think I would do anything because I'm Jesse.

I don't make decisions.

I just float along.

I want you to be excited and happy for it.

And I want to just live a life of resentment.

So I think it's going to be a great day i think he's not even worried about marrying her i think he's worried about standing up to his brothers about the pre-nap because he's so used to doing whatever they want to do he's terrified of telling his dad he's not going to sign a pre-nap and his brothers and i think that's all the stress

I think that like he just really resents Allie because she's always doing the triathlons, mainly because she's doing an activity that involves the word try, as in something that these McBee brothers don't like to do, try things or just try harder.

Can't you just do like me and my brothers do and do a try not a lot?

Come on.

As we see with him eating bruschetta later in the episode, oh no, it's too exotic and crazy.

So I don't really have a lot of green on my plate.

What do you mean you don't eat vegetables?

How dare you?

Sorry, I got lost on the way to Earl's landlocked house and I thought it was in Kansas, but apparently you can be landlocked in Georgia too.

Who knew?

Oh, wait, I did find Earl's home.

Wow, this has really been destroyed, hasn't it?

This just looks terrible out here.

I mean, what are the, are those beans on the ground?

Oh, God, this poor house must have been cute at some point, but it's just hideous now.

No, ma'am, this is our, this is our home.

Oh, oh,

oh, very nice.

Very nice.

Sorry.

I am, I am so impressed that you guys are already decorating this place for the holidays.

You know, I love Disney, Disneyland around the holidays.

Ma'am, this isn't Disneyland.

It's not the holidays.

Oh, I just, I saw the, I saw that, that crazy burlap sack from the nightmare before Christmas over there.

That's your brother Cole.

Oh, that's so lovely.

Really?

Then what is the monster from the Matterhorn doing here?

That's Galena.

Oh,

yes.

I saw you at Alexis Fellino's bridal shower, you bitch.

What was that about?

Hello, Alexis.

It is me.

It is me, Galena, at the bridal shower.

I love to shower.

Party, party.

Is that confirmed that that was Galena?

Because it didn't look like Galena to me.

And everyone's like, yeah, it's Galena.

Did Galena say she was there?

Girl, I'm not on Galena Talk.

Did Galena say it?

Galena talk.

Okay, everybody.

Welcome.

I make arm dance.

Bitch, bitch, whore, whore, kill her chicken, kill her chicken.

There, I'm done.

Do it.

Make it viral.

Boots on the ground.

Boots on the ground.

Here is my new song masha is whore okay i'll just go

you can do it it's slotty masha masha masha masha

here is how you destroy porsche okay you get sledgehammer you slam it through then you cook pasta on windshield whole family loves

So let's move on to a funnier scene.

All this mental health anguish.

Who needs it on a farm?

Am I right?

Let's do the good stuff.

You know what I'd appreciate from my man?

Some mental stealth.

Okay.

You feeling something?

Keep it inside.

I don't want to hear it.

Okay.

Do not let your emotions get within my perimeter.

Okay.

Emotional stealth.

All right, brothers, because Halloween is approaching, we are going to watch a very scary movie.

Okay, gathering tonight, we're going to have a 10 p.m.

showing of the scariest movie I've ever seen, Inside Out.

It's a movie about emotions and dealing with them.

So

now we go to Inside the Barn.

Steven and Jesse are working on the barn on Allie's hexagon harbor thing.

Let's talk about it, guys.

Hexagons, they're hard.

Previously, I McBee died.

Jesse agreed to make a hexagon.

So, he is making a hexagon.

Uh,

this is the show.

They didn't know how to make it.

I said, honey, go with your feelings.

Just make the seven circle of hell that you can get

done.

of some sign

reminiscence.

The world looks like English,

but it's actually a big circle.

Wait a minute, you have a degree in construction management and you can't build a hexagon?

He's like, I can if you just give me a second.

That's 19 sides, right?

No, it's six sides.

Jesus, that's why I run this farm.

And daddy don't trust nobody else.

You are the most pessimistic person about construction management.

You have a degree in it.

Yeah, but from Lego University.

God damn it.

So he has to make this.

So basically, he has to cut out a bunch of planks and put them at an angle.

So that way it makes a hexagon.

Why do you want to get married under a stop sign?

I mean, don't you have enough signs saying you shouldn't get married?

I mean, it basically looks like a stop sign.

But isn't it, I think, actually, to be fair,

a stop sign might be an octagon, right?

Yeah, but I mean, this is the McBee dynasty.

You know, it's similar enough.

They're not going to pay for two extra sides for their stop signs.

Like the others,

we have a loan.

to get to the bank or we're not going to get the other two sides of the octagon.

Right.

So we're just going to pare it down now.

Listen, there's just no sign that will work for this wedding whether it's a stop sign one way because that's that's also the direction of this marriage to the shitter one way you know there's like i don't know slippery when wet that could sort of apply

yeah can we just get get you married in front of a sign that says octung baby

okay so um cole is then cole comes out of some tall crops and uh he's got

this is crazy i don't know why i've got soybeans i've got so look at the soybeans.

We just see this beautiful crops.

And all of a sudden, coal emerges.

It's like what I imagine it must look like when someone finally gets a picture of the Loch Ness monster.

He just surfaces

out of the soybeans.

I was like, I don't know why.

I just was like, I can't.

I can't with soy, with coal and the soybeans.

I just cannot.

So he comes out and he's like, look at this.

We got a good batch of soybeans.

Well, that don't mean nothing if we don't get it packed up and shipped on time.

We need things shipped on time.

It is almost November 6th.

How are we going to pay the banks?

We are two months away from our trip to DC.

One day to $6 million payment.

Have they made $6 million in two weeks off of soybeans?

Let's see.

Out of nowhere.

They just sell enough soybeans.

So

Steven's like, by the way, I thought you were coming over to help with the Arbor.

And Cole is like, what's an arbor?

So Stephen, then we go inside the barn.

And Stephen's like, in hindsight, a wedding during peak harvest may not have been the best idea ever.

Jesse's like, well, as I think about it, I'm starting to agree with you.

Hey, you're messing up my hexagon.

Why are you taking my hexagon planks and making a square out of it?

Surely you're not about to do something really funny for the television shows.

Everyone knows that

peak harvest season is is the time that you can only concentrate on harvesting and parting with your family in Nashville with a bunch of very, very morally

questionable people.

Okay.

USA.

USA.

USA.

USA.

So you haven't taken one dance lesson before this wedding.

I'm going to teach you how to waltz.

Get up here.

I was like, oh my God, this is.

Pornhub right now.

I was like, yes, hot brothers.

Yes.

I'm in.

So just when you thought the brothers were going to waltz together, no,

why would they ever, why would a man ever touch another man?

So they instead make little boxes out of the, out of this, poor, this poor hexagon, which is never really going to come together.

And Jesse's like, wait, we have to dance in a little box?

He's like, yes, just like how your life is contained in a small box called Alley, we are going to dance as well in that.

He's like, okay.

So how do we do it?

He's like, well, first of all, you need to have good posture, chest out, elbows up.

One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three.

You know, put on one of those queer pop songs.

Okay.

Now, okay, put it on.

All right.

See ya.

All right.

That'll work.

Okay.

One, two, three.

That'll be your marriage in about two years.

See ya.

How about we put on Katy Perry?

Okay.

Teenage Dream, which is actually sort of what you're living in right now because you still think that you're

a high school sweetheart.

You know what I'm saying?

You get the joke.

He's like, like the Jesse is like, I don't know about Walton.

I was just thinking of doing it in this style.

And he just was like, step, touch, step, touch.

I was like, yeah, it's really all you need at the wedding.

I'm so sure the McBee wedding in the rental farm is going to be like, okay,

please, everybody, come to the dance floor.

We're going to do the queen's waltz.

Yeah.

I can't wait to see their choreographed dance to Bruno Mars being like that stupid wedding song.

I think I'm going to marry you.

Dong, dong, dong, dong.

I love that song so much.

I remember when they did it on Glee and I was like crying.

I was like, this is so good.

This is art.

I would only accept, I would accept all this nonsense about the wedding on McB Dynasty if I knew that Jesse and Allie would be dancing to Paul Abdul.

Will you, will you, will you marry me, boy?

Then I'd be like, you know what?

The season will be worth it.

I like big buttons again online.

It's a wedding song as they walk down the aisle.

They like, don't know the rest of the lyrics.

They're like, what's the rest of the lyrics?

I don't.

See, I don't know.

No one brother can deny when

we walk.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

Stop.

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

No other brother can deny.

When a girl walks in with an itty bitty thing,

I get something.

Yeah, see, I don't know.

So, uh, I like this whole cast.

Just play the first line again.

Just play the first line.

Do we have a song based on soybeans that we can play?

Because I killed him.

I like dribble doors and I cannot lie.

No other brother can deny.

When you're pouring seeds into a little bit of dorm and they're not dribble, I get sprung.

He's like, How do you know how to waltz anyway?

How do you know how to dance like that?

And he goes, I did this for eight months with the 65-year-old woman who taught me.

That's how I do it.

Now, lift, right, lift, right.

Hold, hold the boob up, put it to your mouth, have lunch.

Sorry, that went a little far.

That went a little far.

God, those were some good memories.

You know, they outlawed that.

Okay, so that's why.

Darla really got around, huh?

So,

hey,

Steven's like, yeah, this is just like you're going through a speed ladder in football.

I was like, oh, yeah, I was always good at those.

I was like, could you do a speed ladder for the way you talk?

You need a speed ladder.

Please, vocally, speed ladder it up.

Come on.

Hurry it up, okay?

The only reason why this show is 10 episodes long is because we're waiting for Jesse to finish his sentences.

all it is is about rhythm and one thing the McBees have is dead really but still let's try and concentrate on a rhythm okay so they dance together I got a boner it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin' commercial

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Okay, so then outside from kind of

they're hot.

And I think they're from different dads, right?

Because how come

they both have that?

They both have that same sort of

like diamond-shaped head, you know?

Well, you know what?

You're right.

I think these two brothers are

playing card.

Don't they look like they could be on a playing card doesn't jesse look like he could be like a jack and like stephen look like he could be like a king or something like that they do look like playing card pieces or yeah drawings that make out in my dreams okay so they look kind of alike they look similar i could believe that they're brothers but then cole and brandon look alike they look like different they look like they're from a different stock yeah They're like the tiny, the tiny mouse squinty-eyed ones.

And then there's like the hot ones.

They still have a little bit of the diamond shape, but maybe that comes from the the mom.

God, you know what?

I hope.

I hope they have a different dad.

I would be so happy for Christy if she just was like, you know what?

Fuck this guy.

I'm going to bang the hot guy behind the bar tonight and have two babies with him.

And Stephen will have to raise him.

Like, good, good.

Yeah, it wasn't that fun.

I mean, she ended up with coal.

So she just took innings at that point.

So I was like, I just need something emotional fulfilling.

Okay.

I need something to fulfill me emotionally.

So I just did the guy at the 7-Eleven.

Well, I had one special night where a scarecrow came to life and I banged it twice.

And

now I've got my two more children.

I saw a guy standing having a sodi pop and he didn't even have lips enough to use his straw.

And I thought, you know what?

I want that man to father my children.

Okay, so now we're at Brancato's Catering.

And Christy's meeting up with Allie and her mom because they're going to be doing a tasting of everything.

And Jesse is, we have a really,

important scene where Allie says, Jesse's late.

Let me call him.

So she calls Jesse and he goes, I'm a little late.

And she goes, yeah, I can see that.

Just some of the great content on this show.

So then Jesse.

See here.

I'm going to stand up for Jesse because you hear.

Run, run, run, run, run.

Just like speeding down the highway to get there on time.

He does.

And then he arrives and he like parks over like the parking spot line, which normally would drive me nuts.

But to be fair, there was like, it wasn't like he was leading into another parking spot it was just like sort of like a one of those gritted off areas so i gave jesse a pass but don't think i didn't notice it as well okay yeah she's like you didn't park inside the lines he's like it's a big truck

these two it's like watching moonlighting it really is so they

go in

i mean the it's just like the the chemistry just crackles off the screen it really does so there's amanda and uh she's like the snotty ass wedding planner she's like oh my god here you guys guys are again.

It's so good to see you.

Jesse, still having panic attacks.

That's hilarious.

Okay.

Jesse, have your balls dropped enough for you to even be allowed to get married yet federally?

Or are we going to just have to wait a couple of years?

You are hilarious.

You probably pee just like you park outside the lines.

What are you, a child?

Oh, my God.

Let's mash up some food for this idiot.

Okay, we got Jesse here.

Just got a note from the venue, by the way.

They say, unfortunately, you cannot come down the aisle in a combine.

You're going to have to park it outside.

Okay.

It just does not fit inside the church.

A dribble door is a tool.

It's not a way of life.

Okay.

Yes, anyway.

You are the wind beneath my dribble door.

Her commitment to Bette Midler is really admirable.

I just hope she doesn't read Bett's tweets because she may have an issue.

I saw some funny lady picking up trash on the side of the highway.

I said, who are you?

And she started singing to me.

And I just love that music.

So I just decided to bring it to the wedding.

I said, thank you for what you're doing for this country.

Please stand up straight.

Please.

Then she said something about the boogie woogie, something another of Company B.

And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, so where are we at with the guest list?

All I have here is a page that says Aunt Darla over and over again.

Oh, I made that.

I really love Darla.

She's just the most entertaining person in our family.

Can we roll a clip of Darla?

Hi, Christy.

Isn't that good?

God, I love her.

Give her all the best tables.

Hey, how about we just have a wedding where Aunt Darla can just walk around saying hello to people?

I would love that.

So they're going to have 169 people

at the wedding and no Russians, guys.

And they all laugh.

So now it's time to taste the food.

So first up, fried mac and cheese bites, which I'm not going to lie, I would have liked to have sampled that.

I would kill for some fried mac and cheese bites right now.

I'm starving.

So they eat them and Jesse's like, good.

And next, something very exotic from a foreign land, goat cheese brochetta, which

this is going to be a really international wedding with a sprichetta.

But will it go over well?

Will Jesse like the bruschetta?

Yeah, and Christy loves it.

It's so good.

It is just so good.

Allie loves it.

She's like, oh my God, bruschetta with goat cheese.

This is like, this is even like

riding the waves for the city.

I mean, this is great.

And I'm a city girl, okay?

And this is good.

And then Jesse won't eat it.

He's like, uh,

uh, it's got vegetables on it.

And he goes, I don't like being watched when I eat.

Really?

That's a shame because I would love to watch you eat.

You could do what's mukbang videos.

Yeah.

Watch Jesse eat or don't eat.

I just want to watch Jesse.

Do whatever you want.

Jesse.

Do heck in that combine and have a panic attack.

Actually, could you jump and park that car again?

That was actually kind of a turn on.

Love the way you just like came in there and didn't care.

God.

Yeah.

Damn it, Jesse.

So they're all laughing at him and Amanda's like, so are we ready to look at some table skates?

Like, well, I may have to go because um we're open another car wash next week you know it's just the thing that farmers do open car washes so uh since the car wash is going to open up next week I've got I promised I promised Stephen I'd make a hexagon for the car wash for the cars to drive through and I don't know we got to take care of that yeah you know we're getting the car wash ready and we wanted to test it and we said this is so gentle a human can be in there so we had Cole walk through it but unfortunately I accidentally filled up the soaper with Roundup and Cole almost lost his vision.

So we got to go kind of worry about that now.

Sorry, guys.

We told Cole we'd make it up to him.

So this time we filled up the soap with the ranch and he's just going to walk right through and he's going to be happy as a little clam, which he also likes.

He clams the ranch, so it works out well.

So she's like, you don't want any design input on our wedding?

What do you mean design input?

You're getting married in a giant white place with white tables.

What do you want him to choose a fort?

With a bunch of white people.

A bunch of white people.

It's the most Aunt Darla wedding I've ever seen.

Like, there's nothing you fucking need him to choose.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you really want Jesse to have design input on your napkins and your forks?

I don't think so.

So he chose a bolo tie.

What more do you want from the man?

He's making a hexagon for this wedding.

Okay.

That's that's enough.

So he says he's not going to cancel the wedding.

He's like, just because of my anxiety attacks and a thousand other things going on, That's not not a thing I want to do to the bride So I guess I'm just gonna trust in our relationship first instead of the other frustrations

You know what you know what the sexiest thing is in the world inertia.

Let's let's lean into it, baby.

That's hot

So then outside, Christy checks in with him.

She's like, hey, you feeling, honey?

He's like, one more thing off of the to-do list.

Yeah, that's right.

I think there's just so much anticipation.

You know, will they, won't they?

They will.

I'm just kidding.

You're going to get married.

You're going to be so happy.

I don't think Allie should marry you.

Did I say that out loud?

Okay.

Well, here's one thing I want to say.

Be confident that you're not good enough for Allie.

Did I say that out loud?

What is wrong with me?

You and Rachel are just going to get along so well, huh?

Oh, sorry.

I just, you guys are such Ross and Rachels.

Everyone knows it.

We are so invested in this.

By the way, I like was this entire little scene that they were having, I was distracted because they're sitting, they're like standing next to his SUV and they're both leaning on it with their shoulders, just leaning on it.

And it's like encrusted with like dead bugs and mud and all this disgusting stuff because it's been riding.

And I'm not, this is, believe it or not, I'm not shaming the truck because this is just what happens with the fender, but it's this dirty ass fender and they're both leaning up against it with their shirts.

And I'm like,

why are you leaning on this nasty ass fender right now?

Just like lean on something.

Can you just shoot the scene somewhere else?

You're making your shirts dirty.

Ellie comes outside.

She's like, oh, hi, are you Ben?

I can tell you're a city person.

I don't lean.

You wouldn't lean under

come inside.

Can someone leave?

I just need some proschetta right now.

I cannot look at, like, he would rather spend more time with that dirty fender than he would with that proschetta.

Let's be honest.

So they basically, mom's not for the prenup.

And honestly, I'm not for the prenup either.

Yeah, because she didn't even know.

And he's like, you know, I love her and I don't think anything would happen, but what are your thoughts on on a prenup?

I'm not for it.

Okay.

We've known Allie and her family for years.

She would be devastated if you brought this up.

How could you?

I cannot believe I raised boys to do this.

And anyway, in this family, it's the men who steal the money from the women anyway.

Come on.

Boys will be boys.

You know, you do what you want, but I don't care for the decision if it's your brother's.

And I really don't care if it's your dad's.

I'm like, well, you're the mom.

Why don't you call up your son, Stephen, and be like,

you better shut the fuck up about this prenup.

You are not going to pressure my son, the only, the hottest one of you bunch, to get a prenup.

Okay.

And I say what I said, and I'm the mother.

Like, kick some ass around there, Christy.

They'll listen to you.

Yeah.

Maybe not.

So, uh,

well, but yeah, she can at least try because they're ridiculous.

And she's, of course, she's like, this doesn't sound like Jesse.

This is definitely his father.

and Steven Jr., right?

And so they ask her when she got a divorce from Steve, was there a prenup?

And she's like, no, he wanted everything and he fought to keep it.

He fought, He still fought to keep it.

So then she says, you know, do what you want.

But if this is your decision, fine.

But if this is your brother's, no.

And especially if it's your dad's.

Isn't this a part where we got to cut in of the dad being like, women do nothing but steal from men.

That's all they do.

Women are a bunch of succubuses stealing things.

Shut up.

Fuck this.

This fucking guy is inside.

I hate that.

But I did love in this episode when they're like, well, it looks like it's time for dad to come back.

I was like, fuck yes.

That man is so messy.

So then we go over to Cala's house and she's FaceTiming her mom and her niece.

And they're talking about, like, Cala talks about how her sister died.

And then, so her mom adopted Harlow, the niece, and,

you know, just talking about like.

that and like the sister,

the daughter doesn't really understand death, but understands a little bit, but still still asks for the mom.

And so then Cala gets to the deeper, the deeper part of the conversation, which is it's like a weird situation with like Steven right now because he like he invited me to the wedding and like wants to like try to work things out with us.

And like, as much as I want to be in Texas and with the family, like I'm like, maybe holding out hope with him because like if I can be on TV for like one more season,

maybe I could get a spinoff.

I don't know.

I'm like waiting for like Cala Army to rise up.

I don't know.

Yeah.

And then we go back to Christy and she's like, well, I'm just, she's going to lunch

with someone.

And I immediately, the second you see this woman, you're like, that is Allie's mother.

I mean, they are just, they look like twins.

And they're both wearing little black leather jackets.

They're like, it is time for par and mom lunch, guys.

Let's do this.

Yeah, but I want to see Allie take some notes from her mom because I think her mom looks like a badass.

And I think Allie could use some style tips from her.

I like Allie.

I'm just saying, like, listen to your mother.

Okay.

So Christy's like, yeah, I'm just so good friends with Michelle and Allie's whole family.

And they'd be offended if they knew about that prenup.

I was offended by it.

So I'm not going to say nothing.

I'm not going to tell my best friend that my son is about to be a total douchebag to her daughter.

She's going to keep it inside.

So Michelle's like, well, I can tell Allie's getting a little tired and a little stressed because she didn't even bring up a triathlon once this entire day.

Wow, she was really going through it.

And especially the Seton chart, trying to please everybody.

She's like, oh, well, I told her not to worry about me.

It's there day.

I will get along with everybody because that's me, Christy.

I don't actually speak up for what I really want.

I just get pushed around by everyone in my life.

Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy.

I'm sorry, I'm just getting so many texts.

This is crazy.

Oh, my gosh, I think it's Galena.

You know why I think that?

Because I'm looking at it and it says Galena.

Oh, no.

What if it's her?

Is this Galena?

Oh, gosh, she said it's Galena.

I think it's her.

I work with the boys every day and I feel like they are non-whores like masha and this is why I thought they are like family so by the way don't speak to my family hate them wish they were all dead would start my fire if I was close enough to Russia myself but I thought I would text you about coming to wedding because I completely respect your decision whatever it is thank you for hearing me out I have not been invited but if you just tell me where it is I will bring a chain cutter to get through fence so let me know know how you feel.

I completely respect your decision, whatever it is, and I would hate it if your car got flat tire on to wedding.

Just know whatever decision you make will have bearing on how your actual bearings work in car.

I mean, it's just so weird because, you know, she's texting me, but the last text message I got from her was asking about cleaning my house.

Could you guys run that picture of a 13-year-old Russian teenager with pigtails that would be great it's not creepy at all i love showing that image

oh my goodness so that picture of galena she's like look at me with pen i'm so happy whole world ahead

whole world is happening

so

you know what galena's defense that was a big house and she was a good cleaner she worked so hard i mean she would she did a real good job dusting the family photos.

I was like, oh,

damn, Chris.

That was her little dig right in there.

So, Miss.

So, Chrissy's like, well, I'm a little stressed now.

I mean, it's not about me.

And I want the focus to be on Jesse and Allie.

So I don't know what to say back to her.

And she's like, well, you don't have to say.

You know what you can do?

You can leave her on read as the kids say, hey, have you been hanging out in that city again?

You are picking up so much slang.

Listen to that rap music.

You might as well be a public bus for a city as you are right now.

Jeez.

So then

we hear something.

It's a new dawn.

It's a new day.

It kind of starts in Nina Simone.

It's a new dawn.

It's a new day.

It's a new truck for me.

And I'm feeling good.

Meha.

Soybeans are dirt.

The soybeans are dun.

The soybeans are F150.

Nina Simone's in heaven, like, fuck these people, fuck this show.

So, uh, my legacy has made it to a dribble door.

God damn it.

All right, boys, time for harvest time, okay?

So the time has come.

Different year, be to harvest, okay, right, board.

Don't fall in a hole, don't hit any bowls, don't hit any bowls in the hole.

Don't fall on the pole, don't take it out after the pole.

Go celebrate with the girls on the bowl.

All right, let's go, girly bowls.

She's waving around a breakfast burrito and snapping.

Come on, girls, hold Hold down the hole.

Pull down the hole and hold down the pole.

Come on, y'all.

Well, this is the final day of harvest, and we've got to get as many bushels out of the fields as possible to sell and make our payments by tomorrow.

We need to sell $6 million worth of soybeans by today, end of day.

Okay, it's a grand finale.

It's a soybean finale.

You know, I really didn't appreciate it.

I went downtown the other day to pick up something for the tractor, and somebody called me a soy boy, and I had to rethink this whole thing.

Goddamn, Cole.

So I don't let coal run the farm.

If only they knew how much soybeans could contribute to man boobs.

Like, what?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Soy boons?

Wait, soybeans are full of estrogen.

We're growing lady hormones here on this farm.

I will not stand for this any longer.

Do not say gay.

Do you understand me?

Do not say gay.

So now it's that night, Steven's house.

I don't know.

Was this one we saw?

And there was one part where there was like a long sequence of like the combines going and like the soybeans flying out, landing in a truck nearby.

It was very majestic and exciting.

And now it's that night, and uh, they're all

the McBee, they're all there.

And Jake is there, he's with his girlfriend Tegan, and they're grilling steaks.

And we got a nice long close-up of the new McBee seasonings that thank God they went to an in-person trip to Nashville just to remember what salt tasted like.

God, yeah, their seasoning's so good they can't be shipped from Nashville to McGillicutti or wherever they live.

Galena.

Where do they live?

Gilpin?

Gallatin?

Gallatin.

Gallatin.

And then you see Sitka, the dog, eating his own steak, which is bold.

Okay.

Stephen really fucked up those steaks.

He's like, well, just feed the fucked up steaks to the dog for the rest of his life.

You know, I was nervous going in because in the fall, the farm's crop side was going to sink us.

But by looking at the numbers, the soybeans and some of the later crop of corn came through.

So making payments is thankfully not going to be a problem.

And Cole's like, yeah, that's right.

That's why I'm going to run the farm.

That's why I'm going to run the farm one day.

Nobody's going to say nothing about it to me.

I'm good.

Stephen don't know nothing.

Stephen don't know nothing about farm.

He don't know soybean.

He didn't believe in soybeans.

I was only believing soybean.

But now she's not going to give me credit for nothing.

I should be the president of this farm.

I should be running this farm.

Nobody gives me no credit for nothing.

Well, guess what, Cole?

Before you get a boner for your soybeans, we're still not in the clear completely from what I messed up because guess what?

This is a fun little fact.

And we're just going to just scuttle into a little flashback.

I did mess up the fat trim on the brisket that we sold to Arthur Bryans, and like we can at least afford to make our uh remaining debt babies because guess what?

That uh, that did fall through that uh, that deal.

They just sort of quietly like, oh, by the way, all that Arthur Bryan stuff, yeah, they that they decided not to go with, yeah, they we got fired.

Oh, gosh, that's so embarrassing.

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They fail like with everything they do on the show, which is kind of funny because normally shows are like, let's build it up, and then they pay the amount, you know, like at the end, everything works out, and they're like, That's that's what you get for a good tat being a good taxpaying, Jesus-loving American.

But um, they never win on this show.

Like, last year, all they talked about the whole year was, We're gonna have these car washes, and so we need a hedge fund, so we're gonna have a hedge fund.

And Galena knows everything about hedge funds.

Thank God for Galena, she's getting us the hedge fund.

Thank God, and then by the end, they're like, We're not getting, she's like, What do you mean you are not giving hedge fund.

What?

Yeah.

I can't believe that they didn't get VC money for their farmer-run car washes

that have been open for a week.

They're like, yeah, normally we invest in established businesses.

What do you mean?

They are there.

There's one that just squirted the Roundup all over a lipless person.

No, yeah.

We need to make sure they work.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Listen, anyone can run a, like you can be a farmer.

You can be a Wall Street person.

Anyone can run a car wash.

I just don't trust these guys to run a car wash.

I'm sorry.

I do not.

I feel like there's going to be little soybeans and like pieces of brisket flying at my car if I go in that thing.

I just don't want that damage.

Anything with washing the title.

No.

Yeah, I'm not trusting these guys with any of that.

But it is kind of funny that Steven seems to be the one that sewed together, but his little thing, the meat stuff, failed big time.

And Kroll's stupid soybean plant that he did in secret is actually working.

That's crazy.

Secret soybean.

Well, you know, I think, by the way, also, we're selling this car wash a little short because it's not really just a car wash.

It's the McBee's Coffee and Car Wash.

So you go and you put your car in, and then you have some coffee on the side.

And listen, we know with this family, they really appreciate their coffee.

I mean, we're still reeling from Christie's, you know, triple-decker

whipped cream phantasmagoria delight that she ordered two weeks ago.

Well, I'm scared for my brothers and the, and, and I, and the farm itself, because there's an FBI investigation, but it feels like it's really back to being a family farm again, except for the part where nobody's told anybody who works here that my dad's going to go to prison.

So we'll do that later.

We'll do that later.

Don't you worry.

One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, breath sucking.

God, why do I keep doing that?

Kind of miss that lady.

all right i got a new concept okay it's not going to be mcb's coffee and car wash it'll be mcb's coffee and car wash and waltz lessons okay you drop your car off you get a coffee and you learn how to waltz okay someone make an octagon

i'm sorry this is taking so long um elderly elderly breast milk is a little longer to steam okay

So we do go over to a new car wash that's opening up, and we meet Galena's daughter, Erina, who is finally Bravo is like, let's send someone on to the show that represents our network.

Can we just have someone?

Because Erina feels like she came from the world of Bravo.

She looks like Bravo.

She's also like, she just looks like she's looking around at all the people like, what the fuck am I doing at this car wash right now?

I really love school.

We've met her before.

She was on season one, and it was so funny because

she's with her mom.

And Galena's like, oh, look at this.

This is house me and Stephen are building to live in together.

And she's like, mom,

does he know that you're going to be living here?

Oh, yes.

He loves me very much.

So he doesn't still hate you and say he wants nothing to do with you.

Oh, no, that means he loves me.

She's like, oh, God, mom, I don't know.

I don't know if this is safe.

I'm moving everything into his house until we have house ready.

She's like, oh, my God, mother, no, please.

Her daughter's mortified that her mom's so crazy.

It's so good.

Oh, gosh.

Do we, do you know where Erina lives?

Does she live in Kansas?

I think she's local.

I think so.

Yeah, I think she's local.

So, Galena's saying, Today, we are opening our last car wash.

It's been a long time coming.

And it was a bitch to finish building, so I can't wait for customers to actually start coming.

But today is a big Chamber of Commerce event.

So many people will be here from Chamber of Commerce.

Surely we won't do anything stupid to make them mad.

That stupid bitch mash, that dumb bitch whore face.

Everything will go well.

Wash that whore right out of your car.

Am I right, Chamber of Commerce?

Do you like tagline?

Well, when we bet on when we bet the farm on these car washes, which makes total sense because the perfect extension of a farm is a car wash, then didn't get the financing that we need.

It was disappointing.

So, if we can get the investors we needed today, it would be huge.

I'm like, oh, wow.

Like,

they're literally acting like Warren Buffett's about to walk through and examine this car wash.

And it's like, just the random dads from the town who are like, well, this machinery looks pretty cool in here.

I'll throw $50 at this enterprise.

I'm telling you, a lady who did the splits was trying to get a caftan shop open down here, and we wouldn't let her open this location.

Let's hope this car wash is a better fit for the community.

So

Galena's talking to the potential investors.

And then there's like some, the best part about this is first, there's like these tiny little remote control cars or whatever that they put these pugs in, and they're just like driving around in the front.

These are the smartest creatures on this entire season.

When it started breaking out in a fight later, and they just cut to that little pug in a tiny car being like,

that was like, again, finally a bravo moment.

So

Jesse's like, well, I didn't want to invite Galena to the wedding originally because of my mom, but my mom seems to be understanding and wants to put the past behind them.

So, hey, Galena, you obviously work very hard for us and are a big part of our lives.

And we appreciate that.

So talk to my mom.

And this isn't the official invite because we sent that out to people we actually like, but we've,

we found an old coupon for a, for a Sam Goody, and we wrote down on top of it, dear Galena, come to our wedding.

I hope you accept it.

I wrote hi, Galena, on a Valpak, but just consider that an invitation.

I'll tell them at the door, you're okay.

You're okay to come in.

Okay, I cut the side out of this Starbucks and I wrote Galena on it, but kind of smudged smudged off.

But here, here's a piece of Starbucks cup.

It counts.

I don't have big family home, but we were close.

And since I can't go back after murdering them, I wanted an American family, brand new American family, where I fuck daddy.

So the wedding invitation makes me feel like I'm actually part of the family.

Why are you lighting matches, Galena?

I'm sorry.

I'm getting memories.

Memories.

Look, Aaron, Aaron, Erina, look what I got.

Oh, look at this.

She goes, oh, oh, that's awesome.

And then she's like, but remember, mom, no drinking there.

No drinking at the wedding, mother.

Like at all, mother.

She's like, oh, of course, I know.

I don't drink anything but wine and vodka at the wedding.

What am I, monster?

Come on.

It's mama.

It's mama here.

You know what you should call grandmother?

Just kidding.

I killed her.

Okay,

get out of my car, watch.

So now it's the ribbon cutting time.

And who drives up and Masha

So Galena is like first she pretends to be my friend then she steals my man and now she shows up wherever the fuck she wants to she has some balls fuck you bitch fuck you bitch So Galena's walking around like the wife of the whole event, you know, or she's just walking

masha thank you for enjoying my car wash you know what you do here i said one time there should be place you take car and it get wash so thank you for believing in dream

she's acting like mashlania trump right now so they're walking around and they're like oh my god i can't believe masha is here like wow what are the odds that masha would show up right now guys and so then galina's doing her like over the top like

over over top rage acting where she's like anytime she sees masha out of the corner of her eye like no matter who she's talking to, like her face just flattens and she's like, bitch,

bitch, bitch, fuck her, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Galena's eyes just get so evil when she's mad.

They just like shine behind the eyes.

She's just like, oh, hello, Chamber of Carl.

Masha, Masha.

And then we see a clip of them fighting.

And Galena's like, you slept with Steve behind my back, spread your legs, wiggle your ass, ass wiggle.

Your method of communication is so low.

You should see specialist.

Low specialist.

Low communication specialist will help you a lot with that.

So Steven's like, I want to welcome all of you to the ribbon cutting of our car wash.

This place is amazing.

As you'll see, we have a cow coming through right now.

Look how sparkling he is.

And you know what?

People who ride cows are still good with up pooped in the car.

Okay, the car wash has some poop stuck in the drain.

We're going to have to shut that down for a minute.

I'm sorry but everybody thank you for being here please have some deep fried mac and cheese balls which surely no one else will be using for an event anytime soon

and galena just like walks by masha during the speech and she's like fucking prototyped she's like mom erin is like mom we're at a business stop don't do the fucking

this is a professional setting right now go to your job Galena's probably like, I know, it is a professional reality show.

I have to do my role here.

Fucking

like, I work on this job forever.

I know how important.

She goes, mom, please, there's people here that matter.

Okay, lower your voice.

Okay, I will.

I do it lower, like this.

Do you like that?

You are stupid prostitutor.

No, mom, like softer.

Prostitutor.

You're a prostitutor.

Oh, Marsha's here.

She needs to fucking chill.

She can't be showing up at a business stuff when she don't do shit for her events.

Like, oh, like, you're such a value-add coal to opening up any sort of event company like that's what investors want to see everyone coal oh wow i want to throw my money at this yeah cole sweating sweating his armpits everywhere and you know like exhaling freedo dust all over everybody bringing a basket full of soybeans like a little red riding hood to the car wash

So Galena circles back around to Steven and she's like, she's out there talking to people.

Like, I set up this shit.

I did all the work on this project.

Masha did nothing but wiggle ass, ass, wiggle.

Okay, I know, I know, just stay calm, stay calm, we'll talk, we'll talk.

I mean, what does she even do?

Like, what, marketing, like, what, like, marketing, like, who, what, I never, wait, what, what,

and then we see a flashback.

You know,

you know, Galena's about to lose her shit when she gets the high voice.

What does she do?

Like, marketing, like, marketing,

like,

Marco, what?

And then, like, we see Masha being like, oh, I just just got back from the St.

Joe Car wash.

I've been doing a lot of marketing there.

Okay.

I make, I cut out poster board arrow and give it to a homeless person to swirl.

A lot of marketing.

So Kelly's like,

she only fucking spreads her legs.

And that's the only that she does.

That's her entire talent.

I am so disappointed in your father.

Oh, my gosh.

So she's like, oh, my God, this bitch.

And she's like, she's only fucking spreading spreading her leg.

That's all that she does.

That's her entire talent, spreading a leg.

I'm so disappointed in your father.

I cannot even tell you.

I'm disappointed in your father.

Well, he told her not to come.

He showed me the text,

but she's here for one clear reason, okay?

And we still have investors here and $30 million in loans.

And we cannot be doing this.

We cannot do it.

You need to stay home.

My blood is boiling.

My stomach is about to like fucking explode.

Exploding with glass.

Exploding with last i'm going to lose it galena now okay good thing just think good things you're part of our family you're going to the wedding okay do not ruin this okay that man over there is about to give 25 this car wash okay do not ruin this this bitch going to look pretty and talk and leave without doing shit she don't do shit and she take credits for car wash i cannot do that

i'm going to kill lady

um also can we talk about how galena's wearing like this black vinyl like weird prom dress that's like shiny it looks like a hefty bag and that she's cinched she looks crazy does look crazy so but what do you wear to a marketing gala i mean a car wash gala you know what do you wear a poncho for the chamber of commerce get me my my sister the vinyl please black preferable

So she's networking and everything seems to be going well.

And then

Galena sees Masha talking to an investor and Masha's like, it's going to be one of a kind.

We put sign-ups.

Do you like the sign?

Whoever made that sign is quite a marketing genius.

Would you not agree?

And so then Erina comes up to Galena

and because she sees her mom is really about to lose her shit.

And Galen's like, fucking or, fucking yours.

She's like, mom, stop.

You're literally talking to an investor.

Fucking or, fucking your, fucking her.

Fucking prostitute is here.

What are you doing here?

Yeah, she walks right up to Masha and she's like, oh, fucking prostitute is here what are you doing here i built this place what do you mean what am i doing i don't know about that i remember hammernail hammernail wiggler nail into hammer i remember it's very hard to build

and it gets really tense and so they but it's not really that tense but they're trying to make it tense so then they like show shaky cam of like the traffic as if some cars come veering off the road and run them over because they're like oh my god territories are fighting i lost control of my car and then they cut like in core cut to the

The pugs.

So stupid.

The

tiny race car.

Pugs made me laugh.

Like, pugs literally, like, they're like, well, how do we express the tension of the scene?

Cut to the pugs.

Yeah, I'm part of the family.

Okay, who are you?

And she goes, look at me.

Look what I got.

Val pack with name on it.

What do you have?

Hmm?

What do you have, goddamn whore face?

You are scum, dude.

The bank is right there.

You look like freaking skink is what you look like, right in front of Chamber of Commercial.

And Jesse's like, Just when you think Alina's finally doing good, something crazy happens.

Too late to take back the invitation party, har

So Masha's like, I'm going to call the fucking cops.

I saw it on video, you were there, you beat up my car and aarona's like um i wasn't even there i was going to law school because masha's i guess accusing erina of it she's like yeah now she's going to the daughter which is crazy why is she going for the daughter and the daughter doesn't give a shit about any of these people or their car wash so she's like so i don't have time for your pathetic masha's like oh if you're in law school you should advise your mom to stop being so aggressive

And then we see Irina turn into her mom.

She's like, you don't deserve to speak to me ever.

I am 22 and I'm smarter than you'll ever be.

And Masha drives away and Galena's like, get the fuck out of my face.

And so she spits at the car as it's going away.

And everybody's watching this, okay?

The whole Chamber of Commerce is like, hmm, are these mac and cheese bites?

That's crazy.

I've had it in a bowl.

Have you ever had it in a bite?

Because those crazy Russians are fighting again.

Was it a mac and cheese ball?

Because it's confusing.

Did you have a good time?

And you're like, oh, yeah, it's great.

Mac and cheese ball.

I mean,

do you have any HGO boxes?

I got to hit up the Tommy Bahama before I go home.

Oh, yes.

So then the scene just ends.

And now we go to Jesse and Allie's wedding rehearsal.

It's one day till the wedding.

And Allie's asking Stephen if Cala's going to come.

You know, the question that's on all of America's mind, will Cala be there?

God, prayers that Cala can make it.

So Stephen's like, well, I am focused on officiating the wedding.

And I thought there'd be a test, but I just had to pay $45 online.

They even gave me a little card.

And I'm like, did you have to pay extra for the card?

He's like, I did.

I paid five extra dollars for the card.

But you know what?

It's an important thing to have.

I am the leader of this company.

And this card is the reason why I deserve to lead this farm.

He's like, all I had to do to get this card was to listen to like one song by Lady Gaga, which I thought was weird.

Wait a second.

It says this is the gay card.

What?

I got the gay card by accident.

You wax your butthole one time and they try and and pigeonhole you.

They're coming for us.

So

Amanda the wedding planner.

Well, I guess I better use it.

I got better use this gay card now.

Now I got it.

Might as well.

Hey, you better sign that prenup because if you don't, it's homophobic.

I got the gay card.

No.

So

Stephen, he goes over to Amanda the wedding planner.

She's like, oh my God, Stephen, wow, I guess you won't be needing my services anytime soon.

You're never getting married, are you?

Hi there, you emotionally insufficient little man, baby.

What can I do for you?

And he's like, okay,

there's some people we got to keep out of this wedding.

It's her.

Okay.

It's a blonde.

Russian lady with crazy eyes.

Could you be more specific?

It seems like a disease, right?

Those are going around like a cold right now.

Okay.

I do know people on the Chamber of Commerce.

They are pretty disgusted, but they are asking me for the recipe for mac and cheese pies, which is a secret.

So I don't know how you got them at your car wash.

But anyway, so when you're not trying to ruin my life, what can I do for you?

Listen, I'm going to make it real simple.

Okay.

You are not allowed to let this woman masha into this wedding.

Okay.

She's a white blonde lady.

Okay.

No white blonde ladies.

Well, no, I mean, no, we want white blonde ladies, but not this white blonde lady.

Okay.

Can you give me some more defining features?

She got a round face.

That doesn't really narrow narrow it down um she's like yay big maybe about five five four okay so the she's a white blonde lady who's five four with a round face i don't know i think that still leaves about your entire

guest list still can make it in with that description okay so you're telling okay tell me this on a scale of aunt darla to mama christie

How white blonde lady is this?

Okay.

She's like Mama Christie, but with a machine gun in her trunk and crazy eyes.

Okay.

Now just listen, just ask her a question.

You'll hear her speak Russian.

Okay, well, I don't speak in dressings.

All right.

Well, you're no help.

Would it help if I just greeted everybody in balsamic?

Is that what you want from me?

Okay.

It's like, listen, there's two crazy Russians, okay?

There's two girls with blonde hair and crazy eyes.

Well, there's actually three because there's your mother as well.

Okay, are we going to keep your mother?

Okay, there's two of the Russians, though, so you got to keep one of the crazy Russians out.

And she's like, okay, fine.

So you're telling me they're both Russian and they're both blonde.

Okay, I got it.

Battle, your dad sure has a tie, don't he?

So then outside, Jesse and Allie are sitting together and Allie is like, she's like, can you believe you're going to be a married man?

He's like, yeah, I'm excited.

Less nervous than I was.

I just pretend I'm on a combine and I feel calm.

They should call it a combine, right, Allie?

You want to laugh at?

That was a joke.

Anyway, I'm ready now.

And we're we're gonna um you're gonna move to the farm right after we get back from hawaii right is that the plan do you want me you want to we're gonna sell the city house next to that big fancy subway and then you're gonna come to the farm right allie she's like well i guess that sounds like the plan married life on the farm yay i guess i'll be a homesteader

it's like this is not the look of somebody who's ready for this i felt really bad that she gave in why don't they just keep that house and go to that house on the weekend or at least something?

Do anything other than like compromise for this family?

Anything.

Truly.

For that showy little place you live in in Gallatin.

You need to get back.

That looks like the set of Roseanne.

You need to get back to your gorgeous farmhouse in the big city, girl.

It is really nice.

It's a nice house.

Okay.

So then

inside the wedding venue.

And also, by the way, if she lives in the city, she maybe she'll be in proximity to Mr.

and Mrs.

Kelsey.

Congrats, congrats, Travis and Taylor.

Um, but you know, they're you know that, like, if there's anyone who's excited about this, you know, it's Allie.

You know, she's like, Oh my God, I might see them down the street at my city house in Kansas City.

Who knows?

Fingers crossed.

Oh, they're going to live by Gallatin?

Well, no, I mean, I'm assuming that Travis Kelsey must have a house in Kansas City because he plays on the

Kansas City team.

Oh,

yeah, I don't know.

To me, he's just some big hairy guy with a lot of luck.

I see that guy, and I'm like, I mean, I guess I don't really know what's going on there, but I don't understand sports or anything.

He's cute.

He's got warm eyes, I find.

I enjoy Travis Kelsey.

I'm down.

I'm down.

I literally know nothing about him.

Except he does that podcast with his brother, and they seem like cute and nice and like they burp a lot.

You know, they just seem like really straight.

You know, because I like straight guys in theory, but those guys are like

super straight yeah i feel like they they're like hey did you know that you could run a car with a lawnmower engine if you just have the right tools i'm like i just please stop but they're like fun straight like the mcb's the mcb's are like toxic straight i feel like the kelseys are fun straight you know okay i like their i like their version of straight okay absolutely i just it's just ignorance i don't know anything about them you know ain't my ain't Ain't my circus, ain't my monkeys.

Know what I'm saying?

So Stephen gathers around the other brothers and he's like, now, hey, brothers, brothers, gather around.

Okay.

So, okay.

Cole, take those soybeans out of your mouth.

Okay, you got to cook them first.

Okay.

All right.

I haven't heard anything about a prenup.

Have you guys heard anything?

And they're like, oh, no, we haven't really.

Okay, well, we'll have to have it.

They'll have to do a post-nub fan at this point because they haven't signed anything.

And I'm getting real mad right now, real mad.

Yeah, because I haven't heard hide nor hair from Jesse about this prenup.

And I don't know if he just doesn't have the balls, but if they were ever to divorce, Allie stands to take 12.5%

of $18 trillion in debt.

And you know what?

We cannot have that.

Our farm is on the line.

Then don't any of you ever find fucking happiness or get married?

Fuck you, dude.

That's not how it works anyway.

I just want to re-emphasize that I have not heard hide nor hair from Jesse about this, but Casey called me and she said she is hiding from Cole's back hair.

So I just want to clarify that that's what the situation is right now.

Where I have heard hide and hair from Casey.

Okay.

I can't wait to bring this

one down.

I'm not hair right now.

Hide, you've reached Casey.

I'm not hair right now.

I'm blinking two times.

If anybody can come help, that would be great.

Casey, you know it's pronounced hide, not hide.

No, I'm pretty sure you say hide.

Like, hide, my name is Casey.

She's speaking in code on her voice greeting.

She's like, please help me.

So Stephen's like, so

Jesse, can I talk to you?

Okay.

Now, I don't want you to stress out or nothing.

Just remember, we are not a combine and there is not a cam.

Okay.

So now I did not get the prenup.

So I'm trying to figure out what to do.

So I guess we're just going to do a postnup.

What are we going to do here?

And he's like,

well, I mean, I appreciate you trying to help me with this, but I don't think it's going to happen because I think we can trust Allie by now.

She knows things like about like bruschetta.

You ever hear about that?

She's not like any other girl out there.

She knows about tomatoes and goat cheese on a piece of Christina.

This scene shocked me and I was so happy with this scene because I was just mad at Jesse for making Allie move to the city, but he or to the country.

But he's like, yeah, you know, I just don't

because

He says no, basically.

He's like, no, I'm not doing this.

And he goes, okay, well, I agree that Allie is not the issue.

She's not that kind of girl.

That's fine.

But it's more about setting a precedent for Cole and Brayden and myself.

And he goes, Okay, but I just hate to use that as the reason for signing a prenup.

And I don't think she deserves it.

And it's not a good idea for the sake of our relationship.

And it's really best for her and I that we don't do that.

And Stephen looks like he is going to fucking kill him.

And he's like, well, it's not good for the rest of us.

Well, then, too fucking bad.

And if she gets in there and tells you you can't plant a fucking, you can't trim meat badly.

I mean, what could be bad?

She's an actual educated, intelligent person.

And if she does come into this business, all she can do is help Steven because you fucked up your entire whole thing.

And now you're going to try and hold it against Steven and all these other people.

I don't think it's fair.

And you know that if he did sign it, Stephen would be the one to be like, well, I'm getting married.

I know everybody had to sign a prenaut, but I just don't think it's right for me and Calla.

So

it's going to be that way.

Yep.

Well, I guess we're going to find out next week on the season finale.

It's the big wedding.

It's the big wedding episode.

Is Cala gonna be there?

Will Cala be at the wedding?

Although the real point of intrigue seems to be that

Galena gets pulled over maybe for what appears to be maybe a DUI on the way to the wedding, which is legitimately very funny.

Next time, finally something that does not.

It's finally something that does not seem staged to me.

Yes, let's do it.

I love the show, and I'm just so happy for you, Jesse.

I'm so proud of you.

By the way, Jesse, I'll sign a prenup and I'll make you sign one too.

Get over here and get your hugs.

You deserve them.

Get over here.

Take off your hat.

Take off your shirt.

Keep your pants on for now.

We don't know each other that well, but otherwise, let's cuddle.

Let's make a cuddle, puddle.

Love you.

I love you, Jesse.

Bye.

Well, everyone, thanks so much for being here.

Especially you, Jesse.

Especially you, Jesse.

You are still very cute.

Despite all this, despite my bad attitude, you are an adorable young man.

and thanks everyone for being here and we will catch you on the next episode of watch what crappins bye everyone bye

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