#2983 McBee Dynasty S02E09: Networkin’ at the Car Wash, Girl

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Speaker 3 Oh, well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, Ronnie Carom.
Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

Speaker 2 So good. How's it going over there with you, baby?

Speaker 3 Just fabulous. Just absolutely fabulous.
Having a great week over here.

Speaker 3 Everyone, go check out the podcast that we've been on recently, Two Judgy Girls, Morally Corrupt with Rachel Lindsey, and Keep It, which I think is actually not out until Thursday.

Speaker 3 And today we're talking McBee Dynasty. Also, come join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crap ends.
We do crap ins on demand where we have video.

Speaker 3 You can watch us on video, which is always fun. And then also we do a weekly bonus episode.
This week's bonus will be

Speaker 3 Love Island reunion. Wish us luck.
It was, it was, it was a very long reunion, very long, uninterrupted reunion. But, um, but it was also a very fun reunion.

Speaker 3 Uh, we got to see, I've never seen so many people get moved around a set as that reunion. I mean, people were in different seats every three seconds.

Speaker 3 They were constantly, it was like a it was like some weird Tetris game that they were playing on there. So, we will be talking about that on our Patreon exclusively.

Speaker 3 So, that's at patreon.com slash watchworkrappens. But other than that, Ronnie, anything else you have to share? Anything you want to say? Anything you want to feel? Anything you want to emote?

Speaker 2 I feel

Speaker 2 nothing.

Speaker 2 Nope, I'm just glad to be here. And I was really happy with this episode of McBee because my man Jesse came through.
He came through. Jesse, I love you so much.
I just love you. I think

Speaker 2 you just do the right thing. You're so cute.

Speaker 2 I do want to know what's under that hat. Somebody sent us a message saying, what's under his hat? Why don't we ever see his head? And I think that that's true.
I don't think we've ever seen his head.

Speaker 2 Even when he's not the cowboy hat, he'll wear like a scully or a baseball cap or something. Where was he saying?

Speaker 2 Maybe, I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 I thought like he took it off at one point. I'm not sure.
This was by far the best episode of the season for me, mainly because it ended with next week on the season finale. And I was like, ah, great.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 2 For somebody said, I hope they do like a 10-part reunion.

Speaker 3 Oh, God. Yeah, it'll be a reunion.
It'll be like Cole sitting next to a pile of soybeans talking about their relationship.

Speaker 2 Remember that time I said I was going to bring back our beer and I brought him root beer?

Speaker 2 Tessa, walk us through

Speaker 2 walk us through the fonts you chose for the gender revealed has been your first time using Microsoft art

Speaker 3 whatever it was print shop

Speaker 2 previously last we saw in a McBee dynasty the McBees were racing against the clock cutting soybeans day and night so the firm could say you flirt

Speaker 2 And combines combines. And Galena couldn't shake that masha curse.
You killed my chickens, you ruined my car. Do you live in your own world?

Speaker 2 Uh, do you live in your own freaking world, you stupid bitch?

Speaker 2 Well, I wish her all the luck in the world, and as for Jesse boy, that poor little boy got a serious case of Corfe, and no wonder, because that poor little boy got breed up over there.

Speaker 2 He got it pre-nuppled Dribbledore.

Speaker 2 If he don't sign that breed-up, she may get get full possession of the dribbled.

Speaker 2 She might own 12% of dribbled door actions. That ain't going to do it.
We're going to have to cut that dribbled door in half like King David and give half of it to her and half of it to King Solomon.

Speaker 2 How'd that go again, that story? Yeah, you know, all the rumors about McBee dynasty, or I should say stories. You know, the mom was the one with all the money.

Speaker 2 Like, she was from a family with all this money and the husband was cheating on her and doing, you know, we know how the husband is, that piece of shit, Stephen Sr.

Speaker 2 and then um ended up draining all their accounts and stuff when he left her so he's the one worried and saying oh women steal everything women want to steal your soul when he was the one who did that what a piece of and what a piece of all these little guys are running around acting like that's totally normal and women are trying to rob them of everything what are they trying to rob you of the nothing that you have you think you your wife wants 12 of your fucking prison sentence you losers

Speaker 3 yeah like i don't yeah i don't think these women are scrounging around or like really excited to take a claim of Cole's dirty hands underwear.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 3 Cole's keto dust. Get the fuck out of here.
I know. Yeah, seriously.
Oh, like, God forbid. Like, well, watch out for Allie.

Speaker 3 She's going to take the combine and drive her through the mean streets of Kansas City.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, you've got someone with an actual career, Allie, and they're like, oh, what's she going to steal from us? It's like, well,

Speaker 2 I'm sure you don't have any books for her to steal or something she would actually find interesting. You know,

Speaker 2 she's already got more intelligence than all of you put together.

Speaker 3 Okay. Things that she won't be stealing from the McBee estate.

Speaker 3 Deodorant, because there is none

Speaker 3 on your time subscription.

Speaker 2 Pubic hair trimmers, because I know you all got freaking

Speaker 2 70s bush guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nose hair trimmers.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Jesse and Allie. Okay, so where you left off last week, Jesse's like,

Speaker 2 I have to talk about my feelings.

Speaker 2 I got a nervous breakdown or something. And Allie's like, um,

Speaker 2 gross. Okay, so we go back to that.
And he's still on the bed, like kind of wiping his eyes like he's crying. And he's like, I just don't know if I can do this anymore.

Speaker 2 And she's like, well, I wish I knew you were feeling this way because you could come to me with this kind of things. Like, look at my face right now.
Look Look how sympathetic it is.

Speaker 2 Okay, what is my face saying right now?

Speaker 2 It looks like you smell a fart. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I just, please feel free to come to me, you know, because it's scary. Like our parents' marriages didn't work out.

Speaker 2 And now we've got all these people saying like high school sweethearts don't work out. I mean, it's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, I think that we're going to work out because all I'm doing is sacrificing my friends, family, social life, and job to come live on a remote farm.

Speaker 3 And I surely won't have any sort of resentments and wonder if there's another world out there besides the one man I've ever been with for the past 12 years.

Speaker 2 It'll work out great, Jesse.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not going to be great. And

Speaker 2 she's like, well, you know, I want to make sure I'm the best wife for you and we're going to have the best marriage and things like that. Too late.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So she cries to the producer and she's like, I mean, I appreciate him being strong for me, man.
You know, I want him to come with me with things.

Speaker 2 So I'm trying to be strong for him so he knows he can come to me. But goddamn, he's such a wuss when he's crying.
I can't marry a wuss.

Speaker 3 I mean, I guess I'm largely on Allie's side because I'm generally always anti-McB, but I also don't like that Jesse's like, I guess I have one of these queer things called an anxiety attack.

Speaker 3 And she's like, well, I just like wish that like I knew that you were feeling this way. Cause it's like, it's like, I hate when people do that.

Speaker 3 Like, okay, I know that you almost had a heart attack on your fucking combine because you're going through such an anguish right now. But like, I wish I would have known.

Speaker 3 It's like, just let the man like have like the one moment that you will ever see in the rest of your life where he's trying to be emotionally honest with you. And don't let me stand up for a McBee.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 But, you know, like you should be, you should be able to go to your partner and be like, this is how I feel. But this family is just so dead inside.
They don't feel anything.

Speaker 2 And this poor guy is like walking around telling everyone like, I think I'm having panic attacks.

Speaker 2 And they're like, well, maybe it's because you're getting married to a woman who's going to steal from you. So here's what you need to do.

Speaker 2 You need to get her to sign a premed up before she steals everything. Like you're not helping, family.
None of you are helping.

Speaker 3 I mean, she's like, oh, there's high expectations, but I am excited and ready to marry you. For your own sanity, though, is postponing the wedding something that would be like helpful right now?

Speaker 3 Should we postpone it? I think we should postpone it because you know what? There's actually a triathlon I really want to do on our wedding day. Let's just, you know, how about this?

Speaker 3 How about I move back to Kansas City? You work on the farm and we just were like Peter out. How about that? He's like,

Speaker 3 I don't think I would do anything because I'm Jesse. I don't make decisions.
I just float along. I want you to be excited and happy for it.
And I want to just live a life of resentment.

Speaker 3 So I think it's going to be a great day.

Speaker 2 I think he's not even worried about marrying her. I think he's worried about standing up to his brothers about the prenap because he's so used to doing doing whatever they want to do.

Speaker 2 He's terrified of telling his dad he's not going to sign a pre-map and his brothers.

Speaker 2 And I think that's all the stress.

Speaker 3 I think that he just really resents Allie because she's always doing the triathlons, mainly because she's doing an activity that involves the word try,

Speaker 3 as in something that these McBee brothers don't like to do to try things or just try harder.

Speaker 2 Can't you just do like me and my brothers do and do a try not a lot

Speaker 2 with one

Speaker 3 as we see with him eating bruschetta later in the episode. Oh no, it's too exotic and crazy.

Speaker 2 So I don't really have a lot of grain on my plate. What do you mean you don't eat vegetables? How dare you?

Speaker 3 Sorry, I got lost on the way to Earl's landlocked house and I thought it was in Kansas, but apparently you can be landlocked in Georgia too.

Speaker 2 Who knew? Oh, wait, wait, I did find Earl's home. Wow, this has really been destroyed, hasn't it? This just looks terrible out here.
I mean, what are the, are those beans on the ground?

Speaker 2 What is, oh, God, this poor house must have been cute at some point, but it's just hideous now. No, ma'am, this is our, this is our home.
Oh, oh,

Speaker 2 oh, very nice. Very nice.

Speaker 2 Oh, sorry.

Speaker 3 I am, I am so impressed that you guys are already decorating this place for the holidays. You know, I love Disney, Disneyland around the holidays.

Speaker 3 Ma'am, this isn't Disneyland. It's not the holidays.
Oh, I just, I saw the, I saw that, that crazy burlap sack from the nightmare before Christmas over there.

Speaker 2 That's your your brother Cole. Oh, that's so lovely.

Speaker 2 Really? Then what is the monster from the Matterhorn doing here? That's Galena. Oh,

Speaker 2 yes. I saw you at Alexis Bellino's bridal shower, you bitch.

Speaker 2 What was that about? Hello, Alexis. It is me.

Speaker 2 It is me, Galena, at the bridal shower. I love to shower.
Oh, party, party.

Speaker 3 Is that confirmed that that was Galena? Because it didn't look like Galena to me. And everyone like that.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's Galena. It's Galena.

Speaker 3 Did Galena say she was there?

Speaker 2 Girl, I'm not on Galena talk.

Speaker 3 Did Galena say it?

Speaker 3 Galena talk.

Speaker 2 Okay, everybody, welcome. I make arm dance.
Bitch, bitch, whore, whore, kill her chicken, kill her chicken. There, I'm done.
Do it, make it viral.

Speaker 3 Boots on the ground, boots on the ground.

Speaker 2 Here is my new song, Masha is whore.

Speaker 2 Okay, let us go.

Speaker 3 You can do it. It's slotty.
Masha, Masha, Masha, Masha.

Speaker 2 Here is is how you destroy porsche okay you get sledgehammer you slam it through then you cook pasta on windshield whole family loves

Speaker 2 so um let's move on to a funnier scene all this mental health anguish who needs it on a farm am i right let's do the good stuff you know what i'd appreciate from my man some mental stealth okay you feeling something keep it inside i don't want to hear it okay do not let your emotions get within my perimeter Okay.

Speaker 2 Emotional stealth.

Speaker 3 All right, brothers, because Halloween is approaching, we are going to watch a very scary movie. Okay, Gathering.
Tonight, we're going to have a 10 p.m.

Speaker 3 showing of the scariest movie I've ever seen, Inside Out. It's a movie about emotions and dealing with them.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 now we go to Inside the Barn. Steven and Jesse are working on the barn on Allie's Hexagon Harbor thing.
Let's talk about it, guys. Hexagons, they're hard.

Speaker 2 Previously, I McBean dynasty. He just agreed to make a hexagon.

Speaker 3 So he is making a hexagon.

Speaker 2 This is the show. They didn't know how to make it.
I said, honey, go with your feelings. Just make the seven circle of hell that you can get

Speaker 2 some sign love

Speaker 2 in is reverse.

Speaker 2 Reministance. The world looks like English.

Speaker 2 But it's actually a big circle.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. You have a degree in construction management and you can't build a hexagon? He's like, I can if you just give me a second.
That's 19 sides, right? No, it's six sides.

Speaker 2 Jesus, that's why I run this farm and daddy don't trust nobody else.

Speaker 3 You are the most pessimistic person about construction management. You have a degree in it.
Yeah, but from Lego University.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 3 So he has to make this. So basically he has to cut out a bunch of planks and put them at an angle so that way it makes a hexagon.

Speaker 2 Why do you want to get married under a stop sign? I mean, don't you have enough signs saying you shouldn't get married? I mean, it basically looks like a stop sign.

Speaker 3 But isn't it, I think, actually, to be fair,

Speaker 3 a stop sign might be an octagon, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I mean, mean, this is the McBee dynasty. You know, it's similar enough.

Speaker 3 They're not going to pay for two extra sides for their stop signs.

Speaker 2 Like the others,

Speaker 2 we have a loan to get to the bank, or we're not going to get the other two sides of the octagon, right? So we're just going to pare it down now.

Speaker 3 Listen, there's just no sign that will work for this wedding, whether it's a stop sign, one way, because that's also the direction of this marriage to the shitter. One way.

Speaker 2 You know, there's like, I don't know, slippery when wet that could sort of apply yeah can we just get get you married in front of a sign that says octung bagby

Speaker 2 okay so um cole is then cole comes out of some tall crops and uh he's got

Speaker 3 his

Speaker 2 crazy i don't know why i've got soybeans i've got so look at the soybeans

Speaker 2 just

Speaker 3 we just see this like beautiful crops and all of a sudden cole emerges it's like it's like it's like what i imagine it must look like when someone finally gets a picture of the Loch Ness monster.

Speaker 3 He just surfaces

Speaker 3 out of the soybeans. I was like, I don't know why.
I just was like, I can't. I can't with so with coal and the soybeans.
I just cannot.

Speaker 2 So he comes out and he's like, look at this. We got a good batch of soybeans.
Well, that don't mean nothing if we don't get it packed up and shipped on top. We need things shipped on top.

Speaker 2 It is almost November 6th. How are we going to pay the banks?

Speaker 3 We are two months away from our trip to DC.

Speaker 3 one day to six million dollar payment have they made six million dollars in two weeks off of soybeans let's see out of nowhere they just sell enough soybeans so um uh stephen's like by the way i thought you were coming over to help with the arbor and cole is like what's an arbor

Speaker 3 So Stephen, then we go inside the barn and Stephen's like, in Hansa, a wedding during peak harvest may not have been the best idea ever.

Speaker 3 Jesse's like, well, as I think about it, I'm starting to agree with you. Hey, you're messing up my hexagon.
Why are you taking my hexagon planks and making a square out of it?

Speaker 3 Surely you're not about to do something really funny for the television shows.

Speaker 2 Everyone knows that

Speaker 2 peak harvest season is the time that you can only concentrate on harvesting and partying with your family in Nashville with a bunch of very, very morally questionable questionable people. Okay.
USA.

Speaker 2 USA. USA.
USA.

Speaker 2 So you haven't taken one dance lesson before this wedding. I'm going to teach you how to waltz.
Get up here. I was like, oh my God, this is Pornhub right now.
I was like, yes, hot brothers.

Speaker 2 Yes, I'm in.

Speaker 3 So just when you thought the brothers were going to waltz together, no,

Speaker 3 why would they ever, why would a man ever touch another man?

Speaker 3 So they instead make little boxes out of the, out of this, poor, this poor hexagon which is never really going to come together and uh jesse's like wait we have to dance in a little box he's like yes just like how your life is contained in a small box called alley we are going to dance as well in that he's like okay so how do we do it's like well first of all you need to have good posture chest out elbows up one two three one two three one two three one two three you know put on one of those queer pop songs okay now okay put it on all right

Speaker 2 see ya all right that'll work okay one two three that'll be your marriage in about two years see ya

Speaker 3 How about we put on Katy Perry? Okay, Teenage Dream, which is actually sort of what you're living in right now because you still think that you're, you're, you're a high school.

Speaker 3 So you're, you know what I'm saying? You need to get the joke.

Speaker 2 He's like, I like the Jesse is like, I don't know about waltzing. I was just thinking of doing it in this style.
And he just was like, step, touch, step, touch.

Speaker 2 I was like, yeah, it's really all you need at the wedding. I'm so sure the McBee wedding in the rental farm is going to be like, okay,

Speaker 2 please, everybody, come to the dance floor. We're going to do the queen's waltz.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can't wait to see their choreographed dance to Bruno Mars being like that stupid wedding song.

Speaker 2 I think I'm going to marry you. Dong, dong, dong, dong.
I love that song so much. I remember when they did it on Glee and I was like crying.
I was like, this is so good. This is art.

Speaker 3 I would only accept, I would accept all this nonsense about the wedding on McBee Dynasty if I knew that Jesse and Allie would be dancing to Paul Abdul, Will you, will you, will you marry me, boy?

Speaker 3 Then I'd be like, you know what? The season would be worth it.

Speaker 2 I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Speaker 2 That's their wedding song as they walk down the aisle.

Speaker 3 They like that. They don't know the rest of the lyrics.

Speaker 2 They're like, what's the rest of the lyrics? I don't. See, I don't know.

Speaker 3 No other brother can deny.

Speaker 2 When he walks in, uh-oh, uh-oh, stop.

Speaker 3 I like big butts and I cannot lie. No other brother can deny.
When a girl walks in with an itty bitty thing,

Speaker 2 I get something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, see, I don't know. So I'm like this whole cast.

Speaker 2 Just play the first line again. Just play the first line.

Speaker 2 Do we have a song based on soybeans that we can play? Because I can't. I like dribble doors and I can't lie.
No other brother can deny.

Speaker 2 When you pour seeds into a little bit of dorm and did not dribble, I get spun.

Speaker 2 He's like, how do you know how to waltz anyway? How do you know how to dance like that? And he goes, I did this for eight months with the 65-year-old woman who taught me. That's how I do it.

Speaker 2 Now, lift, right, lift, right.

Speaker 2 Hold, hold the boob up, put it to your mouth, have lunch. I'm sorry.
That went a little far. That went a little far.
God, those were some good memories. You know, they outlawed that.

Speaker 2 Okay, so that's a waltz.

Speaker 3 Darla really got around, huh?

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 3 hey,

Speaker 3 Steven's like, yeah, it's just like you're going through a speed ladder in football. I was like, oh, yeah, I was always good at those.
I was like, could you do a speed ladder for the way you talk?

Speaker 3 You need a speed ladder.

Speaker 2 Please, vocally, speed ladder it up. Come on, hurry it up, okay?

Speaker 2 The only reason why this show is 10 episodes long is because we're waiting for Jesse to finish his sentences.

Speaker 2 All it is, is about rhythm. And one thing the McBees have is bet, really.
But still, let's try and concentrate on a rhythm, okay? So they danced together. I got a boner.

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Speaker 2 Okay, so then outside from CODA,

Speaker 2 they're hot. And I think they're from different dads, right? Because how come

Speaker 3 they both have that? They both had that same sort of

Speaker 3 like diamond-shaped head, you know?

Speaker 2 Well, you know what? You're right. I think these two brothers are

Speaker 2 playing card. Don't they look like they could be on a playing card?

Speaker 3 Doesn't Jesse look like he could be like a jack and like Stephen look like he could be like a king or something like that? They do look like playing card pieces or drawings that make out in my dreams.

Speaker 2 Okay, so they look kind of alike. They look similar.
I could believe that they're brothers, but then Cole and Brandon look alike.

Speaker 2 They look like different, they look like they're from a different stock.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're like the tiny mouse squinty-eyed ones. And then there's like the hot ones.

Speaker 3 They still have a little bit of the diamond shape, but maybe that comes from the mom. God, you know what? I hope.
I hope they have a different dad.

Speaker 3 I would be so happy for Christy if she just was like, you know what? Fuck this guy. I'm going to bang the hot guy behind the bar tonight and have two babies with him.

Speaker 3 And Stephen will have to raise them. Like, good, good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it wasn't that fun. I mean, she ended up with coal.
So she just took innings at that point. I was like, I just need something emotional fulfilling.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I need something to fulfill me emotionally. So I just did the guy at the 7-Eleven.

Speaker 3 Well, I had one special night where a scarecrow came to life and I banged it twice. And now I've got my two more children.

Speaker 2 I saw a guy standing having a sodi pop and he didn't even have lips enough to use his straw. And I thought, you know what? I want that man to father my children.

Speaker 3 Okay, so now we're at Brancato's catering.

Speaker 3 And Christy's meeting up with Allie and her mom because they're going to be doing a tasting of everything.

Speaker 3 And Jesse is, we have a really, we have really important scene where Allie says, Jesse's late. Let me call him.
So she calls Jesse and he goes, I'm a little late. And she goes, yeah, I can see that.

Speaker 3 Which is some of the great content on this show. So then Jesse.

Speaker 2 Seek cares. I'm going to stand up for Jesse because you hear.

Speaker 2 She goes, run, run, run, run, run. Just like speeding down the highway to get there on time.

Speaker 3 He does. And then he arrives and he like parks over like the parking spot line, which normally would drive me nuts.

Speaker 3 But to be be fair, there was like, it wasn't like he was leading into another parking spot. It was just like sort of like a, one of those gritted off areas.

Speaker 3 So I gave Jesse a pass, but don't think I didn't notice it as well. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. She's like, you didn't park inside the lines.
He's like, it's a big truck.

Speaker 2 It's like watching moonlighting. It really is.
So they

Speaker 2 go in.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 3 it's just like the chemistry just crackles off the screen.

Speaker 2 It really does.

Speaker 2 So there's Amanda, and she's like the snotty ass wedding planner. She's like, oh my God, here you guys are again.
It's so good to see you. Jesse, still having panic attacks.
That's hilarious. Okay.

Speaker 2 Jesse, have your balls dropped enough for you to even be allowed to get married yet federally? Or are we going to just have to wait a couple of years? You are hilarious.

Speaker 2 You probably pee just like you park outside the lines. What are you, a child? Oh, my God.
Let's mash up some food for this idiot. Okay, we got Jesse here.

Speaker 3 Just got a note from the venue, by the way. They say, unfortunately, you cannot come down the aisle in a combine.
You're going to have to park it outside. Okay.
It just does not fit inside the church.

Speaker 2 A dribble door is a tool. It's not a way of life.

Speaker 2 Okay. Jess.

Speaker 2 It is a dribble door.

Speaker 2 You are the wind beneath my dribble door.

Speaker 3 Her commitment to Bette Midler is really admirable.

Speaker 3 I just hope she doesn't read Bet's tweets because she may have an issue.

Speaker 2 I saw some funny lady picking up trash on the sad at a highway. I said, who are you? And she started singing to me.

Speaker 3 And I just love that music. So I just decided I'd bring you to the wedding.

Speaker 2 I said, thank you for what you're doing for this country. Please stand up straight.
Please.

Speaker 3 Then she said something about the boogie woogie something another of Company B. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 2 Okay, so where are we at with the guest list? All I have here is a page that says Aunt Darla over and over again. Oh, I made that.
I really love Darla.

Speaker 2 She's just the most entertaining person in our family. Can we roll a clip of Darla?

Speaker 2 Hi, Christy. Isn't that good?

Speaker 2 I love her. Give her all the best tables.
Hey, how about we just have a wedding where Aunt Darla can just walk around saying hello to people?

Speaker 2 I would love that.

Speaker 3 So they're going to have 169 people

Speaker 3 at the wedding and no Russians, guys. And they all laugh.
So now it's time to taste the food.

Speaker 3 So first up, fried mac and cheese bites, which I'm not going to lie, I would have liked to have sampled that. I would kill for some fried mac and cheese bites right now.
I'm starving.

Speaker 3 So eat them and Jesse's like, good. And next, something very exotic from a foreign land, goat cheese bruschetta, which

Speaker 3 this is going to be a really international wedding with this bruschetta. But will it go over well? Will Jesse like the bruschetta?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and Christy loves it. It's so good.
It is just so good. Hallie loves it.
She's like, oh my God, bruschetta with goat cheese. This is like, this is even like

Speaker 2 riding the waves for the city. I mean, this is crazy.
And I'm a city girl. Okay.

Speaker 2 And this is good. And then Jesse won't eat it.
He's like, uh,

Speaker 2 uh, it's got vegetables on it. And he goes, I don't like being watched when I eat.
Really?

Speaker 2 That's a shame because I would love to watch you eat.

Speaker 3 You could do what's mukbang videos. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Watch Jesse eat or don't eat. I just want to watch Jesse.

Speaker 3 Do whatever you want. Watch Jesse.
Do whatever you want.

Speaker 2 Actually, could you try and park that car again? That was actually kind of a turn on. I love the way you just like came in there and didn't care.
God. Yeah.
Damn it, Jesse.

Speaker 3 So they're all laughing at him and Amanda's like, so are we ready to look at some table skates? Like, well, I may have to go because

Speaker 3 we're opening another car wash next week. You know, it's just the thing that farmers do, open car washes.

Speaker 3 So since the car wash is going to open up next week, I've got, I promised, I promised Stephen I'd make a hexagon for the car wash for the cars to drive through.

Speaker 3 And I don't know, we got to take care of that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, we're getting the car wash ready and we wanted to test it and we said, this is so gentle a human can be in there. So we had Cole walk through it.

Speaker 2 But unfortunately, I accidentally filled up the soap or with Roundup and Cole almost lost his vision. So we got to go kind of worry about that now.
Sorry, guys.

Speaker 3 We told Cole we'd make it up to him.

Speaker 3 So this time we filled up the soap with the ranch and he's just going to walk right through and he's going to be happy with a little clam, which he also likes to eat clams at the ranch.

Speaker 3 So it works out well.

Speaker 2 So she's like, you don't want any design input on our wedding? What do you mean design input? You're getting married in a giant white plates with white tables. What do you want him to choose a fort?

Speaker 2 With a bunch of white people. A bunch of white people.

Speaker 2 It's the most Aunt Darla wedding I've ever seen. Like, there's nothing you fucking need him to choose.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Do you really want Jesse to have design input on your napkins and your forks? I don't think so.

Speaker 2 He chose a bolo tie. What more do you want from the man?

Speaker 3 He's making a hexagon for this wedding.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 That's that's enough. So he says he's not going to cancel the wedding.
He's like, just because of my anxiety attacks and a thousand other things going on, that's not a thing I want to do to the bride.

Speaker 3 So I guess I'm just going to trust in our relationship first instead of the other frustrations.

Speaker 3 You know what? You know what the sexiest thing is in the world? Inertia.

Speaker 3 Let's lean into it, baby.

Speaker 2 That's hot.

Speaker 2 So then outside, Chrissy checks in with him. She's like, hey, you feeling, honey? He's like, one more thing off of the to-do list.
Yeah, that's right. I think there's just so much anticipation.

Speaker 2 You know, will they, won't they?

Speaker 2 They will. I'm not, I'm just kidding.
You're going to get married. You're going to be so happy.
I don't think Allie should marry you. Did I say that out loud? Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, here's one thing I want to say. Be confident that you're not good enough for Allie.
Did I say that out loud? What is wrong with me?

Speaker 3 You and Rachel are just going to get along so well, huh? Oh, sorry. I just, you guys are such Ross and Rachels.
Everyone knows it, right? We are so invested in this.

Speaker 3 By the way, I like was this entire little scene that they were having, I was distracted because they're sitting, they're like standing next to his SUV and they're both leaning on it with their shoulders, just leaning on it.

Speaker 3 And it's like encrusted with like dead bugs and mud and all this disgusting stuff because it's been riding.

Speaker 3 And I'm not, this is, believe it or not, I'm not shaming the truck because this is just what happens with the fender, but it's this dirty ass fender and they're both leaning up against it with their shirts.

Speaker 3 And I'm like,

Speaker 3 why are you leaning on this nasty ass fender right now? Just like lean on something. Can you just shoot the scene somewhere else? You're making your shirts dirty.

Speaker 2 Ollie comes outside she's like oh hi are you ben i can tell you're a city person

Speaker 2 i don't lean you would i don't lean under brochetta come inside

Speaker 3 can someone leave i just need some prochetta right now i cannot look at woo like he would rather spend more time with that dirty fender than he would with that proschetta let's be honest

Speaker 3 so they basically mom's not for the prenup

Speaker 3 And honestly, I'm not for the prenup either.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because she didn't even know. And he's like, you know, I love her and I don't think anything would happen, but what are your thoughts on a pre-nup? She's like, I'm not for it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We've known Allie and her family for years. She would be devastated if you brought this up.
How could you? I cannot believe I raised boys to do this.

Speaker 2 And anyway, in this family, it's the men who steal the money from the women anyway. Come on.

Speaker 3 Boys will be boys.

Speaker 3 You know, you do what you want, but I don't care for the decision if it's your brother's. And I really don't care if it's your dad's.
I'm like, well, you're the mom.

Speaker 3 Why don't you call up your son, Stephen, and be like, you better, you better shut the fuck up at this prenup.

Speaker 3 you are not going to pressure your my son the only the hottest one of you bunch to get a prenup okay and i say what i said and i'm the mother like kick some ass around there christy they'll listen to you yeah maybe not so uh

Speaker 2 well but yeah she can at least try because they're ridiculous and she's of course she's like this doesn't sound like jesse this is definitely his father and Stephen Jr., right?

Speaker 2 And so they ask her, when she got a divorce from Steve, was there a prenup? And she's like, no, he wanted everything and he fought to keep it. He fought, he still fought to keep it.
So then

Speaker 2 she says, you know, do what you want, but if this is your decision, fine. But if this is your brother's, no.
And especially if it's your dad's.

Speaker 2 Isn't this a part where we got a cut in of the dad being like, women do nothing but steal from men. That's all they do.
Women are a bunch of succubuses stealing things.

Speaker 2 Shut up.

Speaker 3 Fuck this. This fucking guy is inserting.

Speaker 3 I hate that.

Speaker 2 But I did love in this episode when they're like, well, it looks like it's time for dad to come back. I was like, fuck yes.
That man is so messy.

Speaker 3 So then we go over to Cala's house and she's FaceTiming her mom and her niece. And they're talking about, like, Cala talks about how her sister died.

Speaker 3 And then, so her mom adopted Harlow, the niece, and,

Speaker 3 you know, just talking about like. that and like the sister the the the daughter doesn't really understand death understands a little bit, but still asks for the mom.
And

Speaker 3 so, then Cala gets to the deeper, the deeper part of the conversation, which is it's like a weird situation with like Steven right now because he, like, he invited me to the wedding and like wants to like try to work things out with us.

Speaker 3 And, like, as much as I want to be in Texas and with the family, like, I'm like, maybe holding out hope with him because, like, if I can be on TV for like one more season,

Speaker 3 maybe I could get a spin-off. I don't know.
I'm like waiting for like Cala Army to rise up.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then we go back to Christy and she's like, well, I'm just, she's going to lunch

Speaker 2 with someone. And I immediately, the second you see this woman, you're like, that is Allie's mother.
I mean, they are just, they look like twins. And they're both wearing little black leather jackets.

Speaker 3 They're like, it is time for par and mom lunch, guys. Let's do this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I want to see Allie take some notes from her mom because I think her mom looks like a badass.

Speaker 2 And I think Allie could use some style tips from her. I like Allie.
i'm just saying like listen to your mother okay

Speaker 2 so um christy's like yeah i'm just so good friends with michelle and allie's whole family and they'd be offended if they knew about that prenup i was offended by it so i'm not gonna say nothing

Speaker 3 i'm not gonna tell my best friend that my son is about to be a total douchebag to her daughter she's gonna keep it inside So Michelle's like, well, I can tell Allie's getting a little tired and a little stressed because she didn't even bring up a triathlon once this entire day.

Speaker 3 Wow, she is really going through it. And especially the Seton chart, trying to please everybody.
She's like, oh, well, I told her not to worry about me.

Speaker 2 It's their day.

Speaker 3 I will get along with everybody because that's me, Christy. I don't actually speak up for what I really want.
I just get pushed around by everyone in my life.

Speaker 2 Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy. I'm sorry, I'm just getting so many texts.
This is crazy. Oh, my gosh.
I think it's Galena. You know why I think that? Because I'm looking at it and it says Galena.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 What if it's her? Is this Galena? Oh, gosh, you said it's Galena. I think it's her.

Speaker 2 I work work with the boys every day, and I feel like they are non-whores, like Masha. And this is why I thought they are like family.
So, by the way, don't speak to my family. Hate them.

Speaker 2 Wish they were all dead. Would start my fire if I was close enough to Russia myself.

Speaker 2 But I thought I would text you about coming to the wedding because I completely respect your decision, whatever it is. Thank you for hearing me out.

Speaker 2 I have not been invited, but if you just tell me where it is, I will bring a chain cutter to get through fence. so let me know how you feel

Speaker 3 I completely respect your decision whatever it is and I would hate it if your car got flat tire I went to wedding

Speaker 2 just know whatever decision you make will have bearing on how your actual bearings work in car okay

Speaker 2 I mean it's just so weird because you know she's texting me but the last text message I got from her was asking about cleaning my house could you guys run that picture of a 13 year old Russian teenager with pigtails?

Speaker 2 That would be great. It's not creepy at all.
I love showing that image.

Speaker 3 Oh my goodness. So

Speaker 2 that picture of Galena, she's like, look at me with pen. I'm so happy.
Whole world ahead.

Speaker 2 Whole world is happening.

Speaker 2 You know what? Galena's defense, that was a big house. And she was a good cleaner.
She worked so hard. I mean, she would, she did a real good job dusting the family photos.
I was like, oh,

Speaker 2 damn, Christy.

Speaker 3 That was her little dig right in there. So, Miss, so Christy's like, I'm a little stressed now.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's not about me, and I want the focus to be on Jesse and Allie, so I don't know what to say back to her. And she's like, Well, you don't have to say you, you know what you can do?

Speaker 3 You can leave her on read as the kids say, Hey, have you been hanging out in that city again? You are picking up so much slang.

Speaker 3 Listen to that rap music.

Speaker 2 You might as well be a public bus for a city as you are right now. Jeez.

Speaker 3 So then

Speaker 3 we hear something.

Speaker 3 It's a new dawn. It's a new day.

Speaker 2 Time to start some Nina Simone. It's a new dawn.
It's a new day. It's a new truck for me.
And I'm feeling good. Yeehaw.

Speaker 3 The soybeans are dirt.

Speaker 2 The soybeans are dirt. The soybeans are F150.

Speaker 2 Nina Simone's in heaven, like, fuck these people. Fuck this show.

Speaker 2 So, uh, my legacy has made it to a dribble door.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 2 All right, boys. Damn for harvest time.
Okay, so the time has come. Different year, be to harvest.
Okay, right, boy. Don't fall in a hole.
Don't hit any bowls. Don't hit any pools in the hole.

Speaker 2 Don't fall on the pole. Don't take it off to the bowl.
Go celebrate with the girls on the bowl. All right, let's go, girly bowls.
She's waving around a breakfast burrito and snapping. Come on, girls.

Speaker 2 Hold down the hole. Hold down the hole and hold down the pole.
Come on, y'all.

Speaker 2 Well, this is the final day of harvest, and we've got to get as many bushels out of the fields as possible to sell and make our payments by tomorrow.

Speaker 2 We need to sell $6 million worth of soybeans by today, end of day.

Speaker 2 Okay, it's a grand finale. It's a soybean finale.
You know, I really didn't appreciate it.

Speaker 2 I went downtown the other day to pick up something for the tractor, and somebody called me a soy boy, and I had to rethink this whole thing. Goddamn, Cole.
So I don't let Cole run the farm.

Speaker 3 If only they knew how much soybeans could contribute to man boobs. Like, what? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Soy boons?

Speaker 3 Wait, soybeans are full of estrogen.

Speaker 3 We're growing lady hormones here on this farm. I will not stand for this any longer.

Speaker 2 Do not say gay. Do you understand me? Do not say gay.

Speaker 3 So now it's that night, Stephen's house. I don't know.
Was this one we saw?

Speaker 3 I mean, it was, there was one part where there was like a long sequence of like the combines going and like the soybeans flying out, landing in a truck nearby. It was very majestic and exciting.

Speaker 3 And now it's that night and they're all

Speaker 3 the McBee, they're all there and Jake is there. He's with his girlfriend Teigen and they're grilling steaks.

Speaker 3 And we got a nice long close-up of the new McBee seasonings that thank God they went to an in-person trip to Nashville just to remember what salt tasted like.

Speaker 2 God. Yeah, their seasoning's so good they can't be shipped from Nashville to McGillicutty or wherever they live.
Galena, where do they live? Gilpin? Gallatin? Gallatin. Gallatin.

Speaker 2 And then we see Sitka, the dog, eating his own steak, which is bold. Okay.
Stephen really fucked up those steaks. He's like, well, just feed the fucked up steaks to the dog for the rest of his life.

Speaker 2 You know, I was nervous going in because in the fall, the farm's crop side was going to sink us. But by looking at the numbers, the soybeans and some of the later crop of corn came through.

Speaker 2 So making payments is thankfully not going to be a problem.

Speaker 2 And Cole's like yeah that's right that's why i'm gonna run the farm that's why i'm gonna run the farm one day nobody's gonna say nothing about it to me because i'm good stephen don't know nothing steven don't know nothing about farms he don't know soybean he didn't believe in soybeans i was the one who believed in soybean but now now too not going to give me credit for nothing i should be the president of this farm i should be running this farm and nobody gives me no credit for nothing

Speaker 2 Well, guess what, Cole?

Speaker 3 Before you get a boner for your soybeans, we're still not in the clear completely from what I messed up because guess what? This is a fun little fact.

Speaker 3 And we're just gonna just scuttle into a little flashback i did mess up the fat trim on the brisket that we sold to arthur brains and like we can at least afford to make our uh remaining debt payments because guess what that uh that did fall through that uh that deal they just sort of quietly like oh by the way all that arthur bryan stuff yeah they that they decided not to go with yeah they we got fired oh gosh that's so embarrassing commercials

Speaker 2 here comes one right now

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Speaker 2 They fail like with everything they do on this show, which is kind of funny because normally shows are like, let's build it up. And then they pay the amount.

Speaker 2 You know, like at the end, everything works out. And they're like, that's what you get for a good tat, being a good taxpaying Jesus loving American.
But they never win on this show.

Speaker 2 Like last year, all they talked about the whole year was, We're going to have these car washes, and so we need a hedge fund. So we're going to have a hedge fund.

Speaker 2 And Galena knows everything about hedge funds. Thank God for Galena.
She's getting us the hedge fund. Thank God.

Speaker 2 And then by the end, they're like, we're not getting, she's like, what do you mean you are not giving hedge fund? What?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can't believe that they didn't get VC money for their farmer-run car washes

Speaker 2 that have been been open for a week. They're like, yeah, normally we invest in established businesses.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? They are there. There's one that just squirted the Roundup all over a lipless person.
No, yeah.

Speaker 2 We need to make sure they work.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 3 Listen, anyone can run a like. You can be a farmer.
You can be a Wall Street person. Anyone can run a car wash.
I just don't trust these guys to run a car wash. I'm sorry.
I do not.

Speaker 3 I feel like there's going to be little soybeans and like pieces of brisket flying at my car if I go in that thing. I just don't want that damage.

Speaker 2 Anything with wash in the title. No.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm not trusting these guys with any of that.

Speaker 2 But it is kind of funny that Steven seems to be the one that sewed together, but his little thing, the meat stuff, failed big time.

Speaker 2 And Kroll's stupid soybean plant that he did in secret is actually working. That's crazy.

Speaker 3 Secret soybean.

Speaker 3 Well, you know, I think, by the way, also, we're selling this car wash a little short because it's not really just a car wash it's the mcb's coffee and car wash so you go and you put your car in and then you have some coffee on the side and listen we know with this family they really appreciate their coffee i mean we're still reeling from christie's you know triple decker

Speaker 3 whipped cream phantasmagoria delight that she ordered two weeks ago

Speaker 2 Well, I'm scared for my brothers

Speaker 2 and the farm itself because there's an FBI investigation, but it feels like it's really back to being a family farm again, except except for the part where nobody's told anybody who works here that my dad's going to go to prison.

Speaker 2 So we'll do that later. We'll do that later.
Don't you worry. One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three.
Breasts suck again. God, why do I keep doing that?

Speaker 3 Kind of miss that lady. All right, I got a new concept.
Okay, it's not going to be McBee's coffee and car wash. It'll be McBee's coffee and car wash and waltz lessons.

Speaker 3 Okay, you drop your car off, you get a coffee, and you learn how to waltz. Okay, someone make an octagon.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, this is taking so long.

Speaker 2 Elderly breast milk is a little longer to steam. Okay.

Speaker 3 So we do go over to a new car wash that's opening up, and we meet Galena's daughter, Erina, who is finally Bravo is like, let's send someone on to the show that represents our network.

Speaker 3 Can we just have someone? Because Erina feels like she came from the world of Bravo. She looks like Bravo.

Speaker 2 She's also like, she just looks like she's looking around at all the people like, what the fuck am i doing at this car wash right now i really love school we've met her before she was on season one and it was so funny because she she's with her mom and galena's like oh look at this this is house me and stephen are building to live in together and she's like um mom does he know that you're going to be living here oh yes he loves me very much uh

Speaker 2 So he doesn't still hate you and say he wants nothing to do with you. Oh, no, that means he loves me.
She's like, oh, God, mom, I don't know. I don't know if this is safe.

Speaker 2 I'm moving everything into his house until we have house ready. She's like, oh, my God, mother, no, please.
Her daughter's mortified that her mom's so crazy. It's so good.

Speaker 3 Oh, gosh.

Speaker 3 Do you know where Erina lives? Does she live in Kansas?

Speaker 2 I think she's local. I think so.
Yeah, I think she's local.

Speaker 3 So Galena's saying, today we are opening our last car wash. It's been a long time coming.

Speaker 3 And it was a bitch to finish building. So I can't wait for customers to actually start coming.

Speaker 2 But today is a big Chamber of Commerce event. So many people will be here from Chamber of Commerce.
Surely we won't do anything stupid to make them mad.

Speaker 2 That stupid bitch mash, that dumb bitch whore face. Everything will go well.

Speaker 2 Wash that whore right out of your car. Am I right, Chamber of Commerce? Do you like tagline?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 3 when we bet the farm on these car washes, which makes total sense because the perfect extension of a farm is a car wash, then didn't get the financing that we need. It was disappointing.

Speaker 3 So if we can get the investors we needed today, it would be huge. I'm like, oh, wow.
Like

Speaker 3 they're literally acting like Warren Buffett's about to walk through and examine this car wash.

Speaker 3 And it's like just the random dads from the town who are like, well, this machinery looks pretty cool in here. I'll throw $50 at this enterprise.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, a lady who did the splits was trying to get a caftan shop open down here, and we wouldn't let her open this location. Let's hope this car wash is a better fit for the community.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 Galena's talking to the potential investors.

Speaker 3 And then there's like some, the best part about this is first, there's like these tiny little remote control cars or whatever that they put these pugs in and they're just like driving around in the front.

Speaker 3 These are the smartest creatures on this entire season.

Speaker 2 When it started breaking out in a fight later and they just cut to that little pug in a tiny car being like

Speaker 3 that was like, again, finally a bravo moment so uh jesse's like well i didn't want to invite galena to the wedding originally because of my mom but my mom seems to be understanding and wants to put the past behind them so hey galena you obviously work very hard for us and are a big part of our lives and we appreciate that so talk to my mom and this isn't the official invite because we sent that out to people we actually like but we've uh we found an old coupon for a for a sam goodie and we wrote down on top of it dear galena come to our wedding.

Speaker 3 I hope you accept it.

Speaker 2 I wrote hi Galena on a Val pack, but just consider that an invitation. I'll tell them at the door, you're okay.

Speaker 2 You're okay to come in.

Speaker 3 Okay, I cut the side out of this Starbucks and I wrote Galena on it, but kind of smudged off. But here, here's a piece of Starbucks cup.

Speaker 2 It counts.

Speaker 2 I don't have big family home, but we were close. And since I can't go back after murdering them, I wanted an American family, brand new American family, where I fucked daddy.

Speaker 2 So the wedding invitation makes me feel like I'm actually part of the family. Why are you lighting matches, Galena? I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Memories. Memories.

Speaker 2 Look, Aaron, Erin, Erina, look what I got. Oh, look at this.
She goes, oh, oh, that's awesome.

Speaker 3 And then she's like, but remember, mom, no drinking there. No drinking at the wedding, mother.

Speaker 2 Like at all, mother. She's like, oh, of course, I know.

Speaker 2 I don't drink anything but wine and vodka at wedding what am I monster come on it's mama it's mama here you know what you should call grandmother just kidding I killed her okay

Speaker 2 get out of my car wash

Speaker 2 so now it's the ribbon cutting time and who drives up masha

Speaker 3 So Galena is like, oh, first she pretends to be my friend, then she steals my man, and now she shows up wherever the fuck she wants to.

Speaker 2 She has some balls.

Speaker 6 Fuck you, bitch.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, bitch.

Speaker 3 So Galileo.

Speaker 2 Marsha's walking around like the wife of the whole event, you know, or she's just walking.

Speaker 2 Hello, Chamber of Commercial. Hello, Masha.
Thank you for enjoying my car wash. You know what you do here? I said one time, there should be a place you take car and it gets wash.

Speaker 2 So thank you for believing in dream.

Speaker 3 She's acting like Mashlania Trump right now.

Speaker 3 So they're walking around and they're like, oh my God, I can't believe masha is here like wow what are the odds that masha would show up right now guys and so then galena's doing her like over the top like

Speaker 3 over her over her top rage acting where she's like anytime she sees masha out of the corner of her eye like no matter who she's talking to like her face just flattens and she's like bitch

Speaker 2 bitch bitch fuck her fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you Galena's eyes just get so evil and she's mad. They just like shine behind the eyes.
She's just like, like oh hello chamber of call

Speaker 2 and then we see a clip of them fighting and Galena's like you slept with Steve behind my back spread your legs wiggle your ass ass wiggle your method of communication is so low you should see specialist low specialist

Speaker 3 low communication specialist will help you a lot with that

Speaker 2 So Steven's like, I want to welcome all of you to the ribbon cutting of our car wash. This place is amazing.
As you'll see, we have a cow coming through right now. Look how sparkling he is.

Speaker 2 And you know what? People who ride cows are still good with up pooped in the, okay, the car wash has some poop stuck in the drain. We're going to have to shut that down for a minute.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 But everybody, thank you for being here. Please have some deep fried mac and cheese balls, which surely no one else will be using for an event anytime soon.

Speaker 3 And the Galena just like walks by Masha during the speech and she's like, fucking prototyping. She's like, mom, Erin is like, mom, we're at a business, stop, don't do the fucking horror.

Speaker 3 This is a professional setting right now. Go to your job.
Galena's probably like, I know, it is a professional reality show. I have to do my role here.
Fucking barslot.

Speaker 2 It's like, I work on this job forever. I know how important.
She goes, mom, please, there's people here that matter. Okay, lower your voice.
Okay, I will.

Speaker 2 I do it lower like this. Do you like that? You are stupid, prostituter.
No, mom, like softer.

Speaker 2 Prostitutor, you're a prostitutor.

Speaker 3 Oh, Marsha's here. She needs to fucking chill.
She can't be showing up at a business stuff when she don't do shit for our events.

Speaker 3 Like, oh, like, you're such a value-add Cole to an opening of any sort of event company. Like, that's what investors want to see.
Everyone, Cole. Oh, wow.
I want to throw my money at this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Cole

Speaker 2 sweating his armpits everywhere, you know, like exhaling Frito dust all over everybody.

Speaker 3 bringing a basket full of soybeans like a little red riding hood to the car wash

Speaker 2 so uh galena circles back around to steven and she's like she's out there talking to people like i set up this shit i did all the work on this project masha did nothing but wiggle ass ass wiggle

Speaker 3 Okay, I know, I know. Just stay calm.
Stay calm. We'll talk.
We'll talk. What does she even do? Like, what?

Speaker 2 Marketing?

Speaker 2 Like, what? Like, marketing? Like, who, what? I never heard it. What? What?

Speaker 3 And then we see a flashback. You know,

Speaker 2 you know, Galena's about to lose her shit when she gets the high voice. What does she do? Like, marketing.
Like marketing. What? Like,

Speaker 2 Marco, what?

Speaker 3 And then, like, we see Masha being like, oh, I just got back from St.

Speaker 2 Joe Carbush. I've been doing a lot of marketing there.
Okay. I make, I cut out poster board arrow and give it to a homeless person to swirl.
A lot of marketing.

Speaker 3 So Galena's like,

Speaker 3 she only fucking spreads her legs, and that's the only that she does.

Speaker 2 That's her entire talent. I am so disappointed in your father.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 Um, so she's like, Oh my god, this bitch, and uh, she's like, She's only fucking spreading her leg. That's all that she does.
That's her entire talent, spreading leg.

Speaker 2 I'm so disappointed in your father. I cannot even tell you how disappointed in your father.
Well, he told her not to come, he showed me the text, but he's but she's here for one clear reason, okay?

Speaker 2 And we still have investors here and $30 million in loans, and we cannot be doing this. We cannot do it.
You need to stay home.

Speaker 2 My blood is boiling. My stomach is about to like fucking explode.
Exploding with glass. Exploding with glass.
I'm going to lose it.

Speaker 3 Alina, now, okay, good thing. Just think, good things.
You're part of our family. You're going to the wedding.
Okay, do not ruin this. Okay, that man over there is about to give $25 to this car wash.

Speaker 2 Okay, do not ruin this. This bitch going to look pretty and talk and leave without doing shit she don't do shit and she take credit for car wash i cannot do the dung

Speaker 2 i going to kill lady

Speaker 3 um also can we talk about how galena's wearing like this black vinyl like weird prom dress that's like shiny it looks like a hefty bag and that she cinched she looks crazy does look crazy So but what do you wear to a marketing gala?

Speaker 2 I mean, a car wash gala, you know?

Speaker 3 What do you wear to a poncho for the chamber of commerce.

Speaker 2 Get me my nicest vinyl, please. Black, preferable.

Speaker 3 So she's networking, and everything seems to be going well. And then

Speaker 3 Galena sees Masha talking to an investor, and Masha's like, it's going to be one of a kind.

Speaker 2 We put sign-ups. Do you like the sign? Whoever made that sign is quite a marketing genius.
Would you not agree?

Speaker 3 And so then Erina comes up to Galena and because she sees her mom is really about to lose her shit and Galen's like fucking or fucking or she's like mom stop you're literally talking to an investor fucking or fucking or fucking or

Speaker 2 fucking prostitute is here what are you doing here yeah she walks right up to masha and she's like oh fucking prostitute is here what are you doing here i fucking built this place what do you mean what am i doing i don't know about that i remember hammernail hammernail with glass nail into hammer i remember it's very hard to

Speaker 3 And it gets really tense. And so they, but it's not really that tense, but they're trying to make it tense.

Speaker 3 So then they like show shaky cam of like the traffic as if some cars come veering off the road and run them over because they're like, oh my god, your rushes are fighting.

Speaker 2 I lost control of my car. And then they cut like in core.
Cut to the pug. The pugs.

Speaker 2 So stupid. The

Speaker 2 tiny race car.

Speaker 3 Pugs made me laugh. Pugs literally like that.
They're like, oh, how do we express the tension of the scene?

Speaker 3 Cut to the pugs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm part of the family. Okay, who are you?

Speaker 2 And she goes, look at me. Look what I got.
Val Pack with name on it. What do you have? Hmm.
What do you have, goddamn whore face?

Speaker 2 You are scum, dude. The bank is right there.
You look like freaking skink is what you look like, right in front of Chamber of Commercial.

Speaker 3 And Jesse's like, Just when you think Alina's finally doing good, something crazy happens. Too late to take back the invitation party, har.

Speaker 2 So Masha's like, I'm going to call the fucking cops. I saw it on video.
You were there. You beat up my car.

Speaker 3 And Erina's like, I wasn't even there. I was going to law school because Masha's, I guess, accusing Erina of it.

Speaker 2 She's like, yeah, now she's going for the daughter, which is crazy. Why is she going for the daughter?

Speaker 3 And the daughter doesn't give a shit about any of these people or their car wash. So she's like, so I don't have time for your pathetic shit.

Speaker 2 Marsha's like, oh, if you're in law school, you should advise your mom to stop being so aggressive.

Speaker 2 And then we see Irina turn into her mom. She's like, you don't deserve to speak to me ever.
I am 22 and I'm smarter than you'll ever be.

Speaker 2 And Marsha drives away and Galena's like, get the fuck out of my face. And so she spits at the car.

Speaker 2 It's going away. And everybody's watching this, okay?

Speaker 2 The whole Chamber of Commerce is like, hmm, are these mac and cheese bites that's crazy I've had it in a bowl have you ever had in a bite cause those crazy Russians are fighting again was it a mac and cheese ball because it's confusing

Speaker 3 did you have a good time and they're like oh yeah it's great mac and cheese ball I mean I'm do you have any to go boxes I got to hit up the Tommy Bahama before I go home oh yes

Speaker 3 so then

Speaker 3 the scene just ends and now we go to Jesse and Allie's wedding rehearsal it's one day till the wedding and Allie's asking Stephen if Cala's going to come.

Speaker 3 You know, the question that's on all of America's mind. Will Cala be there?

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 3 Prayer.

Speaker 2 So Stephen's like, well, I am focused on officiating the wedding. And I thought there'd be a test, but I just had to pay $45 online.
They even gave me a little card.

Speaker 2 And they're like, did you have to pay extra for the card?

Speaker 3 He's like, I did.

Speaker 2 I paid five extra dollars for the card. But you know what? It's an important thing to have.
I am the leader of this company. And this card is the reason why I deserve to lead this farm.

Speaker 3 He's like, All I had to do to get this card was to listen to like one song by Lady Gaga, which I thought was weird. Wait a second, it says this is the gay card.

Speaker 2 What I got the gay card by accident. You backed, you waxed your butthole one time, and they try and pigeonhole you.

Speaker 3 They're coming for us.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 3 a man to the wedding plan.

Speaker 3 Well, I guess I better use it. I gotta use this gay card now.

Speaker 2 Now I got it.

Speaker 3 Might as well. Hey, you better sign up prenup because if you don't, it's homophobic.
I got the gay card.

Speaker 2 You know, so

Speaker 2 he's so Stephen, he goes over to Amanda, the wedding planner. She's like, oh, my God, Stephen, wow, I guess you won't be needing my services anytime soon.

Speaker 2 You're never getting married, are you? How there, you emotionally insufficient little man, baby. What can I do for you? And he's like, okay,

Speaker 2 there's some people we got to keep out of this wedding. It's her.
Okay. It's a blonde Russian lady with crazy eyes.
Could you be more specific? It seems like a disease, right?

Speaker 2 Those are going around like a cold right now. Okay.

Speaker 2 I do know people on the Chamber of Commerce. They are pretty disgusted, but they are asking me for the recipe for mac and cheese spice, which is a secret.

Speaker 2 So I don't know how you got them at your car wash.

Speaker 2 But anyway, so when you're not trying to ruin my life, what can I do for you?

Speaker 3 Listen, I'm going to make it real simple. Okay.
You are not allowed to let this woman mash you into this wedding. Okay.
She's a white blonde lady. Okay.

Speaker 3 No white blonde ladies. Well, no, I mean, no, we want white blonde ladies, but not this white blonde lady.
Okay. Can you give me some more defining features?

Speaker 3 She got a round face.

Speaker 3 That doesn't really narrow it down.

Speaker 3 She's like, yay, big, maybe about 5'4. Okay, so she's a white blonde lady who's 5'4 with a round face.
I don't know. I think that still leaves about your entire

Speaker 2 guest list still can make it in with that description okay so you're telling okay tell me this on a scale of aunt darla to mama christie

Speaker 2 how white blonde lady is this okay she's like mama christie but with a machine gun in her trunk and um crazy eyes okay

Speaker 3 now just listen just ask her a question you'll hear her speak russian okay well i don't i don't speak in dressings All right, well, you're no, you're no help.

Speaker 2 Would it help if I just greeted everybody in balsamic? Is that what you want from me? Okay.

Speaker 2 It's like, listen, there's two crazy Russians. Okay.

Speaker 2 There's two girls with blonde hair and crazy eyes. Well, there's actually three because there's your mother as well.
Okay. Are we going to keep your mother? Okay.

Speaker 2 There's two of the Russians, though, so you got to keep one of the crazy Russians out. And she's like, okay, fine.
So you're telling me they're both Russian and they're both blonde. Okay, I got it.

Speaker 2 Bat, your dad sure has a tie, don't he?

Speaker 3 So then outside, Jesse and Ali are sitting together, and Allie is like, she's like, can you believe you're going to be a married man? He's like, yeah, I'm excited. Less nervous than I was.

Speaker 3 I just pretend I'm on a combine and I feel calm. They should call it a Kanban, right, Allie? You want to laugh at? That was a joke.
Anyway, I'm ready now.

Speaker 3 And we're going to, you're going to move to the farm, right? After we get back from Hawaii, right? Is that the plan? Do you want me?

Speaker 3 You want to, we're going to sell the city house next to that big fancy subway. And then you're going to come to the farm, right, Allie?

Speaker 2 She's like, wow, well I guess that sounds like the plan married life on the farm yay I guess I'll be a homesteader

Speaker 2 it's like this is not the look of somebody who's ready for this I felt really bad that she gave in why don't they just keep that house and go to that house on the weekend or at least something

Speaker 3 Do anything other than like compromise for this family?

Speaker 2 Anything.

Speaker 2 Truly. For that showy little place you live in in Gallatin.
You need to get back. That looks like the set of Roseanne.
You need to get back to your gorgeous farmhouse in the big city, girl.

Speaker 3 It is really nice. It's a nice house.
Okay.

Speaker 3 So then

Speaker 3 inside the wedding venue. And also, by the way, if she lives in the city, maybe she'll be in proximity to Mr.
and Mrs. Kelsey.
Congrats. Congrats, Travis and Taylor.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 you know that, like, if there's anyone who's excited about this, you know, it's Allie. You know, she's like, oh my God, I might see them down the street at my city house in Kansas City.
Who knows?

Speaker 3 Fingers crossed.

Speaker 2 Oh, Oh, they're going to live by Gallatin?

Speaker 3 Well, no, I mean, I'm assuming that Travis Kelsey must have a house in Kansas City because he plays on

Speaker 3 the Kansas City team. Oh,

Speaker 3 yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. To me, he's just some big hairy guy with a lot of luck.

Speaker 2 I see that guy, and I'm like, I mean, I guess I don't really know what's going on there, but I don't understand sports or anything.

Speaker 3 He's cute. He's got warm eyes, I find.

Speaker 3 You know, I enjoy Travis Kelsey. I'm down.

Speaker 2 down i'm down i literally know nothing about him

Speaker 2 except that he does that podcast with his brother and they seem like cute and nice and like they burp a lot you know they just seem like really straight you know because i like straight guys in theory but those guys are like they're really straight super straight yeah i feel like they they're like hey did you know that you could run a car with a lawnmower engine if you just have the right tools i'm like i just please stop but they're like fun straight

Speaker 2 like they call mcb's the mcb's are like toxic straight i feel like the kelseys are fun straight you know okay i like their i like their version of straight okay absolutely i just it's just ignorance i don't know anything about them you know ain't my ain't ain't my circus ain't my monkeys know what i'm saying

Speaker 3 so stephen gathers around the other brothers and he's like now hey brothers brothers gather around okay so okay cole take those soybeans out of your mouth okay you got to cook them first okay all right i haven't heard anything about a prenup have you guys heard anything and they're like oh no we haven't really

Speaker 2 okay well we'll have to have it.

Speaker 3 They'll have to do a post-nump fan at this point because they haven't signed anything.

Speaker 2 And I'm getting real mad right now. Real mad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I haven't heard hide nor hair from Jesse about this prenup. And I don't know if he just doesn't have the balls, but if they were ever to divorce, Allie stands to take 12.5%

Speaker 2 of $18 trillion in debt. And you know what? We cannot have that.
Our farm is on the line. Then don't any of you ever find fucking happiness or get married.
Fuck you, dude.

Speaker 2 That's not how it works anyway.

Speaker 3 I just want to re-emphasize that I have not heard hide nor hair from Jesse about this, but Casey called me and she said she is hiding from Cole's back hair.

Speaker 3 So I just want to clarify that that's what the situation is right now.

Speaker 2 Where I have heard hide and hair from Casey. Okay.

Speaker 2 I can't wait to bring this up.

Speaker 2 One back.

Speaker 3 I'm not hair right now.

Speaker 2 Hide, you've reached Casey. I'm not here right now.
I'm blinking two times. If anybody can come help, that would be great.

Speaker 3 Casey, you know it's pronounced hide, not hide. No, I'm pretty sure you say hide.
Like, hide, my name is Casey.

Speaker 2 She's speaking in code on her voice greeting. She's like, please help me.

Speaker 2 So Steven's like, so,

Speaker 2 Jesse, can I talk to you? Okay. Now, I don't want you to stress out or nothing.
Just remember, we are not a combine and there is not a cam. Okay.
So now I did not get the prenup.

Speaker 2 so i'm trying to figure out what to do so i guess we're just going to do a postnap what are we going to do here

Speaker 3 and he's like um well i mean i appreciate you trying to help me with this but i don't think it's going to happen because i think we can trust allie by now she knows things like about like bruschetta you ever hear about that she's not like any other girl out there she knows about tomatoes and goat cheese on a piece of crostini

Speaker 2 This scene shocked me, and I was so happy with this scene because I was just mad at Jesse for making Allie move to the city

Speaker 2 or to the country. But he's like, Yeah, you know, I just don't

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 he says no, basically. He's like, No, I'm not doing this.
And he goes, okay, well, I agree that Allie is not the issue. She's not that kind of girl.
That's fine.

Speaker 2 But it's more about setting a precedent for Cole and Brayden and myself. And he goes, okay, but I just hate to use that as the reason for signing a prenup.
And I don't think she deserves it.

Speaker 2 And it's not a good idea for the sake of our relationship and it's really best for her and i that we don't do that and stephen looks like he is gonna kill him and he's like well it's not good for the rest of us well then too

Speaker 2 bad and if she gets in there and tells you you can't plant a fucking you can't trim meat badly i mean what could be bad she's an actual educated intelligent person.

Speaker 2 And if she does come into this business, all she can do is help Stephen because you fucked up your entire whole thing.

Speaker 2 And now you're going to try and hold it against Stephen and all these other people. I don't think it's fair.

Speaker 2 And you know that if he did sign it, Steven would be the one to be like, Well, I'm getting married. I know everybody had to sign a breen up, but I just don't think it's right for me and Cala.
So, yep,

Speaker 3 100% be that way.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 3 Well, I guess we're going to find out next week on the season finale. It's the big wedding.
It's the big wedding episode. Is Cala gonna be there? Will Cala be at the wedding?

Speaker 3 Although the real point of intrigue seems to be that Galena gets pulled over, maybe for what appears to be maybe a DUI on the way to the wedding, which is legitimately very funny.

Speaker 2 Next time,

Speaker 3 it's finally something that does not seem staged to me.

Speaker 3 Yes, let's do it.

Speaker 2 I love this show, and I'm just so happy for you, Jesse. I'm so proud of you.
By the way, Jesse, I'll sign a prenup, and I'll make you sign one too. Get over here and get your hugs.
You deserve them.

Speaker 2 Get over here. Take off your hat.
Take off your shirt. Keep your pants on for now.
We don't know each other that well, but otherwise, let's cuddle. Let's make a cuddle, puddle.
Love you.

Speaker 2 I love you, Jesse.

Speaker 3 Bye. Well, everyone, thanks so much for being here.

Speaker 2 Especially you, Jesse.

Speaker 3 Especially you, Jesse. You are still very cute.

Speaker 3 Despite my bad attitude, you are an adorable young man. And thanks, everyone, for being here.
And we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crappins.

Speaker 2 Bye, everyone. Bye.

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Speaker 5 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 5 Then the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water. And it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 5 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1-magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 5 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 5 And this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 5 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.